#qaf analysis

[winderlylandchime]

I have a question for you that might be a bit too much but I was watching QAF and started asking myself the same thing and I remember that I really liked reading your Brian Kinney post or something similar that was very interesting so I figured I’d ask you too. What are your favorite and least favorite things about the characters from QAF? Not just Britin but like all of them. Because all of them are perfect in their own way but also flawed so I was wondering what someone else might pick :)

Hello dear sweet anon!

Thank you for this ask, I love these types of questions (as everyone now knows, lol).

As you said, and I think it’s worth repeating, these characters all have good qualities and bad qualities and that is so real. None of us is perfect and all of us have bad qualities. I think that is what made this show so compelling (and why we’re all still so obsessed 20 years later). These characters were real (even if the situations they were in - take down a corrupt politician?! - were sometimes not the most realistic) and we could relate to all of them in some way.

The Characters of Queer as Folk…

Michael Novotny

Good - he is clearly a person who cares a lot about the people he loves - his mother, his friends, his uncle, his partner. He is a fandom guy. Here we all are talking about a show that was on the air 20 years ago, and this guy is obsessed with Captain Astro and other superheroes. He is one of us.

Bad - he has an idea of who people are that is very fixed and therefore when he wants the best for the people he loves, it is sometimes not based in who they are as a person in the here and now. Brian doesn’t do love or boyfriends, therefore he can never do love or boyfriends. This is very relatable, so many of us have trouble updating our idea of who someone is over the course of a long term relationship (platonic or romantic). He tends towards very codependent relationships. Also, go back and watch the beginning of his relationship with Ben. I’m not talking about breaking up early in their relationship about his serostatus, I’m talking about after they reunite and Debbie disapproves and Michael makes all these (very good) points about dating Ben but he does it… in front of Ben. CRINGE. AWKWARD. I WOULD ACTUALLY DIE IF SOMEONE DID THAT TO ME.

Ted Schmidt

Good - he is intelligent and kind, he has a biting sense of humor, he is loyal.

Bad - he has the world’s lowest self-confidence. Rather than just own his love of accounting and opera, he is ashamed of it. He has remarkable growth in this respect over the course of the series and I would argue he is the character that grows the most (and whose growth is not erased by the end of the series).

Emmett Honeycutt

Good - oh my god I love him so much. He is a femme queen and he lets his flame burn bright. He is kind and funny and can take a joke and dish it right back.

Bad - oof this one is hard because I do love him so much. I think he tends to want to shy away from the darkness and as a result when a loved one is going through a dark time (ahem Ted), he struggles to be able to help much beyond something surface level. His understanding of substance abuse disorders could be improved. Also, the party he plans for Ben’s birthday is full cringe racist.

Debbie Novotny

Good - she is fiercely protective and an ally to the gay boys of Liberty Avenue. She does not back down from a challenge. She has had to be strong as a young single mother and she did a good job with what she had to work with.

Bad - as a young single mother she and her son have a codependent relationship and this models that type of relationship for her son to develop with other people. Her protectiveness knows no loyalty, except to her son. Her “adoptive son” Brian gets the short end of the stick when his needs are in conflict with her son’s. Which makes sense, but then don’t pretend to be a mother to Brian. She thinks she knows better than people about what is good for them and what they need and this sometimes extends beyond advice giving (telling Brian to tell Justin he loves him after zucchini man) to taking action (as @kinnenvy rightly points out - telling Joan that Brian has cancer). Ma’am, you do not do that. Also, she uses the word fag (which I have no problem with queer people reclaiming but she is… not actually queer) and dates a cop, so she loses major ally points in my book.

Ben Bruckner

Good - he is very good looking. He is smart and driven. He brings an alternative perspective to the group. He honors who Michael is and allows him to let his fandom freak flag fly (we should all have partners and friends who do this, btw).

Bad - toxic positivity thy name is Ben Bruckner. Why does Ben have a flirtation with steroids? Because his “look on the bright side, glass half full, be positive” mentality does not allow for any negativity. And life has negativity in it. We need to acknowledge it and not push it away in order to deal with it. His understanding of Buddhism is incomplete and lacking (from my own study of Buddhism). Also, he is really freaking boring.

Melanie Marcus

Good - she is smart, she knows who she is as a Jewish dyke, and she is unapologetic. She is apparently a lawyer who specializes in everything from civil rights to custody to entrapment/indecent exposure (whatever Vic was charged with). She is able to change her mind (about getting married, etc.)

Bad - she cheats on her partner and then when her partner cheats on her she decides it’s different because biphobia. She is jealous of Brian and this warps her image of him. She is stubborn.

Lindsay Peterson

Good - she is kind and she loves fiercely. I like her relationship with Justin and the way she mentors him.

Bad - oof. I cannot scream enough about her decision to have Brian father Gus. First of all, her partner is jealous/doesn’t like him. I don’t know what type of long term relationships you’ve had, anon, but this is not how you treat your partner. Yes, she’s the one carrying the fetus but her partner should get veto power over the sperm donor (or father… more on that in a second). I cannot even imagine doing that to my spouse. We even had a brief moment of insanity where we contemplated having a kid so that isn’t something so difficult to imagine. Like, how do you do that? Then that brings me to her relationship with Brian. Maybe Lindsay is bisexual but can’t acknowledge because of biphobia (from the writers first and foremost, like I know biphobia was super acceptable in the early 2000s but c’mon, do better!), but having a crush on someone who will never love you back is something to work out in therapy. It’s not something to allow to go unchecked and wreck your relationship with your partner. Her crush, I would say, is worse than Michael’s because it’s almost like she doubts Brian when he says he is not interested in women. (Let’s reverse the situation and imagine a man constantly flirting with a lesbian and telling her how he imagined they would wind up together and how gross and boundary crossing that would seem.) Also, she has him in this box (Peter Pan) and again, refuses to acknowledge that he might grow and change. She gives him mixed messages - you need to grow and be a good partner to Justin but also this isn’t you and you need to remain you. Another mixed message? Oh you’ll just be the sperm donor, make a cameo appearance, etc. but then “You need to spend time with your son.” Obviously, people raise kids in all types of relationship configurations. But from my understanding, Brian was going to donate the sperm and Lindsay and Melanie would be the parents. So is he the sperm donor or is he the father? Both Brian and Melanie would like to know.

[madsworld15]

Why Queer as Folk (2000) Was Seemingly Forgotten

An analysis by a professional TV Critic

Let me start off by saying the initial run of Queer as Folk and its current resurgence can be represented by this mantra by Brian Kinney: There are two kinds of straight people. The ones who hate you to your back and the ones who hate you to your face.

The initial run of QAF coincides with the first half of the statement: hate behind your back.

So, recently I started thinking about how in the early 2000s, Queer as Folk seemed to be on a trajectory of going down in TV history. Then, seemingly just as quickly, people stopped talking about it. So much so that by the time I finished watching it in 2009, I only got a few good months of chatter on social media platforms (Twitter mostly) with other fans before it just stopped being talked about in a wide-reaching manner.

I will even admit that I stopped thinking about the show not long after that and wasn't reminded of its full impact on my psyche until late last year when it was back on easy-access streaming due to Showtime's merge with Paramount+.

But why is it that this show is only just now starting to pick up speed again? (I'm talking fan cams on TikTok, memes, etc.)

I have some theories about all of this, so buckle in.

To really get a grasp of what Queer as Folk was working against when it aired on Showtime -- a paid subscription channel back before the days of an overabundance of streaming services, you have to look at the climate we were living in. Also, how inaccessible a paid TV channel was for most people.

So, in the early 2000s, life in the United States, and probably the world, but I'm not fully educated enough to comment on that, wasn't the greatest for those in the LGBT+ community. It would be years before the President of the United States would pass legislation that Gay Marriage be legal nationwide.

Employers were able to fire people for being gay, and the employees couldn't fight it. Gay parents had very little in terms of rights to their own children; in fact, some couldn't even adopt the kids they wanted to because there were no laws against discrimination.

All of these things are depicted left and right throughout Queer as Folk, with Ted getting fired from his job, Michael being extremely closeted at his job, and Melanie not being afforded rights to Gus because of adoption regulations during that time.

So, for our community to receive a show that was by us for us, we were overjoyed. There was something so resolutely refreshing about the unapologetic manner in which these characters were allowed to present themselves and live their lives. And while the show gets dinged today for its lack of racial diversity, we were glad to see queer people represented in a variety of ways -- we got to see the Emmett's and Justin's of the world being friends with the Ted's and Michael's and Brian's.

Not only that, these characters got to love who they wanted, however, they wanted, and whenever they wanted. Characters like Michael and Emmett could go from wanting to freely fuck whoever to finding that special person and settling down. We got to see Ted find the right guy at the wrong time over and over and over again until it was finally the right guy at the right time.

But most of all, we got to see a character like Brian, who, in the hands of a straight person, might've actually gone "soft" and "domestic" just by being with Justin. Instead, we got to see him never change his opinion about what he wanted, but still finding love in his own way.

However, not long after the show ended (like around 2008), the climate in the United States started to shift more towards open acceptance of the queer community. So, people stopped needing an escape from the hardships of real life because things seemed to be on an upward trend toward love and equality. Therefore, Queer as Folk sort of fell off the radar of viewers because we didn't want more of the gritty, complicated, messy queer stories. We wanted our stories to be happy and lighthearted.

(Keep in mind I am speaking in terms of general viewers. There are always exceptions to the rule)

Then, in 2016, Donald Trump was elected President of the United States, and suddenly, it was totally okay for people to openly mock us and hate us.

This is where the resurgence of QAF falls into the second half of Brian's mantra: hate us to our face.

Around 2016/2017, people started talking about this show again. And the love and fervor for it has only increased exponentially over the last few years, especially with the onset of COVID-19 and the merging of Showtime/Paramount+. Both events made the public more aware and able to access the show.

Now more than ever, we need something that isn't afraid to show queer people as we are, not as the media and those outside our community paint us. We need to feel like there is a media format that understands what we are like when we are with our closest friends. We say things that, in today's world, would probably get us canceled, and we judge those around us and have very biased opinions about certain people.

Brian Kinney's unapologetic "I am who I am and fuck anyone who tries to change me" attitude is the exact level of strength and courage we wished more people right now had. His biased, but not illogical, opinion of non-queers needs to be loud. It needs to be shouted from the rooftops because we now live in a world where we are hated just for existing as we are.

Even our rights that had been given to us just a decade ago are being stripped away from us once more. So, the fight for love and equality continues, and the hope that Queer as Folk gives us is important now more than ever.

So, people are seeking this story out and are begging others in the world to watch it and understand that we have always been here. We've always been these flawed but loving characters. We deserve to be heard.

In 2022, Peacock tried its best to create a redo of the series but failed miserably. But why? If we are desperately looking for queer media that is gritty, unapologetic, and real, then why didn't we latch onto this latest iteration?

The answer is simple. This new version was great at creating a more diverse image of the characters created for the Showtime series but failed to understand that recreating things almost note for note with entirely new characters isn't what we want.

It would've been better if the show stuck to broad-stroke themes and made these characters and their experiences their own. Queer today is different than queer in the early 2000s, just like queer in the 2000s was different than queer in the 1980s. Trying to put queer 2000s stories into a queer 2020s world isn't going to work.

We need to embrace this resurgence of Queer as Folk (2000) and give it the love and attention it should've always had. Perhaps finally giving its rightful due in the eyes of the history of queer media. Does it have its issues as the world changes? Absolutely, but we also can't sit here and deny the insane level of impact this show had on the queer media we now know and love.

We wouldn't have casually queer shows like Schitt's Creek, Heartstopper, and Our Flag Means Death if Queer as Folk hadn't broken down our walls and made us realize that we can demand stories for queer people by queer people.

[sophsun1]

I finished s5 tonight. And my main sentiment is. Thanks I hate it. I was hoping some of the tags and analysis I've seen were just an exaggeration but alas that was not the case. Yes, there are some really great parts, but jesus christ they're surrounded by a bunch of bullshit. Also, just, the way the creators expected fans to read that last Britin interaction wasn't an ending is also some BS. Like, to me, what Brian says, the way they film the love scene, the music they chose for that scene, the way Justin fades out, the way Brian is alone in the loft smoking like a sad puppy, the way he's fucking alone on the platform at Babylon at the end. And I'm supposed to know that's NOT a Britin ending? Have these people watched TV before? That all spells ending to most TV watching people. And then for them to be all oh we never understood how people read that as an ending at that festival 10 years after the show ended. Honestly? Fuck you both cowlip. I'm concerned for winderlylchime's anon's brother when he gets to S5 lol. I'm gonna go reblog some more of your cute Britin sets and read some PWP or something to calm down lol. Thank you for listening to my ranting haha.

Hey!

Congratulations for making it to the end and welcome to the other side of post qaf life!

I mean was it the ending most fans wanted? No.

However it's not the worst ending we could've gotten, thank god no one died. But yes, it was very much a read between the lines of britin doing it long distance and their love surviving which I'm a true believer of anyway they're still together to this day tyvm.

There's many of us (anon's brother included) who would like to sit CowLip down and ask "what the fuck were these story choices?" To them it was crystal clear and a perfect ending which given their thought process throughout the show does not surprise me.

For me Brian should've gotten to move to NY with Justin it was his dream long before he met him and his ending makes me *so* sad in general he deserved better!

And don't give me Kinnetik wasn't ready 'cause if Justin can jet off after ONE article praising his work then so can Brian okay?

All we have now are gifs and fics to keep us going until one day when they return to us.

[lascapigliata]

every few months i see if i can find the font on the right of this image ⬇️ from catws from back when i did my overdramatic museum typographic analysis in 2021 and i think i finally fucking found it

thank you whatfontis.com for FINALLY doing your FUCKING job. obviously the A & e are dead giveaways + once i'm looking for the comparison that little flicky t tail is pretty distinct confirmation

nb that this font is actually FROM wwii poster fonts and costs at least $200, once again begging the question why they skimped on times new roman and century gothic in other places lol. secondarily it's funny that the foundry site doesn't actually brag about it having been used in a marvel movie instead of all these rando other projects

anyway. you should experience my sense of relief right now. this compares to identifying the qaf annunciation also in 2021

[xoxoemynn]

I know I’m late but, I just started watching QAF and I’m stalking your blog cause I love your qaf posts. I love your analysis of the characters (Britin obviously) and scenes. (Especially 5x13).

Awww, thanks! It's been a while since I've watched QAF, but it'll always have a very special place in my heart. I'm glad you're enjoying my posts! I hope they hold up, haha. The thumpa thumpa continues. It always will. <33

[doublel27]

Thank you for this. I’ve seen some interesting takes and been curious after I enjoyed watching my silly disaster queers romp. Especially as going into it, I had seen a lot of Nick deserved better posts and then the instant I actually watched episode one I was like: Nick is wildly unethical and inappropriate and a little bit of a stalker. I mean, Mark is such a cutie pie that he still looks somewhat innocent, but like, Nick is unhinged.

Which is to say, while having not experienced this live in this fandom, I have experienced this in other fan spaces.

I feel like there is…something I have noticed the closer fannish spaces feel to the creators through social media, form parasocial relationships with actors, and the more we lose a space for solid analysis/discourse, the more people have EXPECTATIONS in all capital letters. And sometimes when those are not met, especially if it impinges upon an actor/character a person is very attached to, I feel like it can create a wild response that has nothing to do with the textual reality of what is happening in the text. Especially in a text that’s released in installments which gives people a chance to set new expectations between every part that very well may never be met because that wasn’t where the text was actually going.

I also feel there’s been a loss of nuance over time that has added to this. Particularly around issues that people already have sensitivities with: drug/alcohol abuse, sex/cheating, arguments in a relationship. Which leads to certain characters getting demonized over others. I’ve also seen this in numerous fandoms and it’s really sad.

And like specifically how that has fannish implications around any character that is less than perfect or doesn’t apologize correctly when they mess up or doesn’t have the words to process their problems with partners/friends in therapy speak when some of these characters have never considered therapy.

It’s the mess that allows them to grow and change as characters. And there’s not a right way to grow and fix your problems. These characters from Only Friends could have solved 85% of all of their issues through better communication and boundaries, but they didn’t, because of their own insecurities, hang ups and personal mess.

And that doesn’t mean you have to like them, but at least hate characters for valid reasons.

It’s funny that the two main couples ending up together makes it not queer media when I’ve got so many queer weddings under my belt in western queer media or death, so you know. I prefer this ending in committee relationships.

Only Friends reminded me a lot of Queer as Folk US, and I say that knowing I am a western viewer and that’s probably an oversimplification. But the Boston/Nick relationship reminded me a lot of Brian/Justin, where you have a younger character(Nick feels young) obsessed/stalk a very promiscuous, not interested in relationships man. And the textual treatment of Boston where all of his friends shamed him for his slutty ways and the fannish need to excuse adorable Nick for his stalking crimes, felt very in line with 2000s QaF(US), and when you consider that while the TV landscape was wildly different (2000s us vs current Thai), the political realm for queer people in 2000 US was not super far from current Thailand (marriage equality, trans rights to change birth certificate etc). As does Ray’s crush on Mew remind me very tangentially of Michael’s crush on Brian (different glomming on reasons but glomming on all the same). And both main couples ended up married at the end of the show that was considered the flagship queer show in the US.

All that to say, a show is not just the text of the show but the wider context of the media landscape, the production team, the reference material, the cultural mores (I just watched Perth Nakhun talk about My Engineer and the ways that some things that international fans label toxic are considered normal in Thai culture) and the political and social context. And then on top of that, being able to separate the text from yourself, and not feel that you are owed what you expected.

But that’s a lot of silly rambling to say thank you for answering my ask, even if I didn’t live it with this I have lived it in many others, and allowing me to ramble back at you as I have joined this space in the after. 💜

Okay, now I wanna know more about this tag. It’s been haunting me since this morning (as someone who watched and enjoyed after the fact).

honestly it’s hard to explain if you didn’t experience it, but while the show was airing there were some absolutely BONKERS takes going around to the point it genuinely made me wonder if we were watching the same show. like namely a lot of the out there ones were coming from f*rceb*ok stans, but there were some that persisted from people that were pretty neutral on ships and just tried to come off as being super great at analysis but it was so odd.

like we had people claiming mew and top never played games with each other and that they weren’t toxic at all, people thinking sand was like genuinely still into boeing, people that thought ray blowing up at sand after finding out about the deal with his dad was because he viewed sand as an object, people that thought nick was totally innocent and that boston was the actual devil despite everyone else doing the exact same shit he did in their own ways. also people that said it wasn’t real queer media because sandray and topmew ended up together which was like ?? huh

like there were so many people watching that show just half paying attention or trying to make fanfiction out of the show and calling it canon and it absolutely boggles my mind. like SO MANY people left that show angry/pissed and still hold grudges against and i’m just like. well maybe if you actually took the show for what it was instead of coming up with things that didn’t exist and expecting an outcome based on that it wouldn’t have been so disappointing

[hamliet]

Why Michael is Important as Folk

Or really, a character analysis of Michael Novotny, one of Queer as Folk’s best characters whose friendship with Brian is deeply important, and without whom Brian/Justin wouldn’t work nearly so well. I said what I said.

I’ve seen a lot of Takes that seem to view Michael (and sometimes Lindsay too) as an obstacle standing in the way of Brian and Justin, and I just don’t think the writing supports this. If anything, for Michael especially, he’s an integral part of what makes Brian and Justin work as characters and as a relationship. 

Michael helps Brian and Justin grow towards one another. His character pushes them together. He does this in a number of ways, but the most flagrant way throughout all five seasons is through all three of them acting as mirrors to each other. They all reflect different aspects of one another, showing the reality of how each of them needs to grow as well as the possibilities of who they can become. Only through this three-way reflection of each other’s flaws and dreams do Brian, Michael, and Justin grow into the men they want to be. 

The three-way foiling also embodies the delicate tension of the motif of fantasy vs reality in QaF. This motif is most clearly present in Michael’s arc and challenges (fitting, because Michael is the narrator). Michael’s name may be a reference to Peter Pan, which Queer as Folk frequently references with Brian as Peter and Lindsay as Wendy. Michael Darling is Wendy’s littlest brother, and the one who starts to forget what life back in London is like as he spends more and more time in the fantastical world of Neverland. (Intentional or not, I don’t know, but it’s an interesting bit of trivia regardless.) Michael Darling is actually based on a real person, Michael Llewelyn Davies, who was probably gay, and died a tragic death at a young age (20) alongside his likely lover. (Davies’ siblings believed the pair committed suicide together.) But instead of dying in this story, Michael Novotny, Brian Kinney, and Justin Taylor all live and grow. 

Season One: Justin as the Inner Child

Season 1 is really the only season where Michael deliberately tries to come between Brian and Justin, but the irony is that he ultimately needs Justin in his life just as much as Brian does (albeit in a different way). 

When Season 1 opens, Brian and Michael have been kind of stuck for years in a sort of prolonged adolescence. Justin enters their lives as an actual adolescent and thereby shines a light on how exactly both Brian and Michael need to grow. Their adult lives aren’t exactly fantasy lives, but neither of them are able to admit it. 

Brian, despite seemingly having a successful career and social life to go and appearing to go after everything he wants without a care, actually isn’t really good at pursuing what he wants. His life of sex and partying is pretty much a fantasy to dull the reality of a nightmarish childhood. 

Meanwhile, Michael clings to the fantasy of Brian one day loving him at the expense of the reality that Brian does love him--just not romantically. Frankly, the reason Brian doesn’t ever sleep with Michael is because he loves him: that would be too much, too close for Brian, and he’d then push Michael away and Michael would actually go because Michael doesn’t demand things. Brian doesn’t want to lose Michael, so he doesn’t cross this line. 

As for Justin, he claims that what he really wants is Brian, which he does. But he also has a fantastical notion of what that means--dates, boyfriends, romance. He describes Brian to Daphne using rather fantastical language, and Michael even comments that Justin’s taken artistic liberties when he draws Brian. However, unlike Brian and Michael up until that point, Justin digs in and commits to what he really wants:

Brian: Look, I don’t believe in love. I believe in fucking. It’s honest, it’s efficient. You get in and out with a maximum of pleasure, and a minimum of bullshit. Love is something that straight people tell themselves they’re in, so they can get laid. Then they end up hurting each other, because it was all based on lies to begin with. If that’s what you want, then go and find yourself a pretty little girl, and get married.

Justin: That’s not what I want. I want you.

Justin wants Brian, no matter what that means. He unapologetically goes after what he wants, and in doing so drags Michael and Brian along. In this, Justin is the key that unlocks Brian’s and Michael’s ability to develop and evolve. After all, Brian tells Justin that Justin can see him in his dreams, and Justin says okay, but let’s make that dream reality. 

In terms of literary archetypes, Justin is Brian’s inner child. The “inner child” is a Jungian concept (and as always with Jung, his ideas are better applied to patterns in literature than real life psychology). The inner child represents a person’s younger self, a purity in a sense, a divinity--but also the traumatized part of us that, childishly, assumes it’s our fault that our traumas occur. Sometimes it’s even called the “wonder child” (which is literally what Michael calls Justin in the very first episode: “boy wonder”). 

In every adult there lurks a child— an eternal child, something that is always becoming, is never completed, and calls for unceasing care, attention, and education. That is the part of the personality which wants to develop and become whole   (Collected Works of Jung Vol. 17)

It’s symbolic that Brian has sex with Justin in Michael’s childhood bedroom. Terrified that his mom knows he’s gay, Justin flees towards Michael’s house--exactly what Brian used to do when his family was a nightmare growing up. Justin snoops through Michael’s bedroom, looking at photos of Michael and Brian as kids.  Brian shows up for him, and in a sort of retread of the story of how Brian and Michael jerked each other off as kids (but Michael never got off), this time Justin gets Brian off in the same room. Michael is then furious at Brian:

Michael: You can fuck him at your place, you can fuck him in his gym class, you can fuck him at the zoo, but you cannot fuck him in my mother’s house--in my room!

But, the reason this seemingly-cringe scene works so well is because Justin is also Michael’s inner child; after all, he moves into Michael’s old bedroom, and Michael moves in with David--two events that are thematically paralleled. You see, despite Debbie et al thinking Michael has “a real chance with David,” he doesn’t. Why? Because David doesn’t love Michael for Michael--he loves the idea of Michael. Which? Is precisely what Michael loves about Brian. 

Now, I don’t mean to suggest that Michael doesn’t know or love the real Brian. He does. But he clings to the idealization of Brian over the reality, which in turn prevents Michael from growing up. Through Michael’s failed relationship with David, he’s confronted with his own flaws in regards to his relationship with his best friend, and his ideas about love. Once he faces this in himself, he’s able to actually show up for Brian when he needs it, as a true friend.

The inner child is “healed” in Jungian works by grieving the loss of innocence, by appreciating the value of a childlike kindness. It’s not healed by looking at ti with contempt and telling it to grow. It starts to heal with Brian when he decides to make his inner child happy and go to prom with Justin. It starts to heal for Michael when he sits with Brian and grieves with him after their inner child is wounded and possibly dying in Justin. 

Season Two: Brian as the Hero

Season 2 contains the most meta melding of fantasy and reality in the story: Michael and Justin’s team-up to create a gay superhero comic, which mirrors their real lives. But real life is messier than glossy comic books. Heroes are complicated. 

Both of them choose Brian as their basis for Rage, because he’s their hero. Of course, Brian hates himself, so doesn’t react well, but the reality is... Brian has been their hero. But any hero has to face challenges to be able to become said hero.

Michael: I was thinking that Rage save some other kid's life after he was bashed...

Justin: I think it's a great idea. 

Michael: You do? I mean, it's awfully personal. 

Justin: The best art usually really is. Besides, I wanna talk about it. The trouble is no one would ever listen. They all pretend it didn't happen. 

Michael: Now, here is your chance. 

Justin: And it could be how Rage meets the love of his life. 

Michael: I thought Rage didn’t believe in love.

Justin: We’ll let him think that. 

[They smile]

In their creation and writing of Rage, we can see the differences in how Michael and Justin approach fantasy, reality, and their relationships with Brian. Justin’s name in the comics is just JT (his real life initials), symbolizing again his determination to bring the fantasy into reality. 

In contrast, Michael’s is Zephyr, a completely fantastical name (also potentially an allusion to Zephyr the Greek god whom some legends say kills a man named Hyacinthus via hitting him in the head with a discus out of jealousy for Hyacinthus choosing to love Apollo, the god of the sun (sunshine, anyone?) over him; Apollo resurrects Hyacinthus and Hyacinthus achieves immortality and all is well). Michael is more willing to swallow the fantasy in some ways and in others, not so much. Plus, as mentioned earlier, Michael’s arc is about growing from a jealous, immature kid with a crush and into a supportive, loving friend to both Brian and Justin. 

When Brian pisses on the drawing of himself as Rage, Michael and Justin’s reactions show us what they each bring to Brian. Michael accepts Brian as he is, as does Justin. But what makes Justin different is that he knows Brian can be better, and pushes Brian to grow (this is why, romantically, Michael and Brian would never work, but Michael and Ben work really well). Michael is a lot more willing to let things slide. But if Brian is actually to be a hero (which he becomes in season 3), he’s gotta be pushed. 

Michael: I guess even a superhero can morph into a jerk. 

Justin: Don't tell me you're gonna forgive him. 

Michael: Who said that? 

Justin: Knowing you guys’ dysfunctional history, you’d put up with anything... All this time I was fooling myself, thinking he loves me. 

Michael: He does love you. You saw his face this morning. We could have removed his teeth with pliers and he would have let us. 

Justin: Maybe we should have. He deserves it. 

Michael: Well, now we know Rage's fatal weakness, and it's not kryptonite.

Through this conversation we see that Justin forces Michael to grow as well. Michael tells Justin, firstly, that Brian loves him (something he would not have said in the first season), and acknowledges his friend’s weakness, the weakness he’s always known was there: Brian is human. Brian wants to be loved just as much as every other person. And he states it directly to Justin, and then goes on to back Justin up when they demand an apology from Brian. 

Brian: What I did was immature, childish, and addictive. It was an act of cruelty because of irrational fears and unfounded--jealousy. If I were you I've never speak to me again.

Justin: That's better.

Michael: It's really good.

But this applies to Michael as well: he realizes Brian is just like him. They have the same weakness Michael struggled with throughout season 1: jealousy. Thus, the power difference between them erodes. They share many things--including flaws. He doesn’t have to reach up to Brian anymore, and he can even pull Brian up at times. In fact, part of the reason Brian can face his own jealousy is because he’s seen Michael overcome it by now working with Justin

Part of the reason Michael is able to accept it this time--that he shouldn’t always just accept and can push Brian to grow--is because of Michael’s own personal struggles in season 2. The best people are still, well, people, and therefore flawed and in need of forgiveness. Earlier in the season, Michael had accept this about himself too: that he’s not always a good person. He can be cowardly, and he rejects Ben quite cruelly (really hurting Ben), and has to apologize to and grovel to get back together with Ben after. Because of this, he can accept that while he can be a jerk, he can also still be worthy of love--and has to promise to do better and live up to being better. Only after Michael accepts this challenge to grow can he be in a mature relationship of his own. (He’ll also have to accept that Ben can be a jerk, and still be worthy of love.) So Michael’s already been doing the work. 

Michael can face his flaws because people like Justin and Ben forgive him, and because he can forgive others. The season ends, however, with Justin cliff-diving into his own encounter with his flaws, an encounter that will end up evening out the playing field in his and Brian’s relationship as well. 

Season Three: Illuminating the Unconscious

Or, the season where Michael starts off at his most assholish but it’s all for the greater good. 

The ironic aspect of Michael and Justin working together resulting in jealousy from Brian is that, well, at the launch of said project, Brian gets dumped. Justin leaves Brian for Ethan, who is literally all of Justin’s worst traits personified in what he assumed was an ultimate fantasy romance.

True to form, Brian then delves into deep, deep, deep denial. He’s always been expecting Justin to leave him. Michael is the character who provokes Brian into showing how much he cares--no, not in a calculated, deliberate way, but he does it all the same. Michael does this by showing how much he cares about Brian, even if he is a jerk himself about it. 

Michael: Can you believe the nerve... I told him to stay the fuck out of our lives!

Brian: Why’d you do that?

Michael: After what he did?

Brian: He didn’t do anything. We were never happily married; he was always free to go, and so was I.

Michael: You’re just saying that. He’s a selfish little shit.

Brian: Be quiet, Michael.

Michael: He used you, he took from you, and he never gave back a thing.

Brian: I said be quiet!

Michael: And this is the thanks you get for saving his life? If you ask me, it wasn’t worth it. You might as well have just left him lying there--

[Brian punches Michael]

This is a rotten thing to say, no defense possible. Did Michael deserve to get punched for saying something so horrible? Absolutely. To be fair, which of us has not said something terrible about a friend’s ex who hurt them? ( ��▽＾)っ✂╰⋃╯Still, this was just... below the belt. 

What Michael says, though, provides several revelations for Brian and for Michael. 

For Brian, the punch wakes Brian up to the reality that he could lose Michael, and he doesn’t want to. Brian apologizes and finally admits in a roundabout way that he loves Michael:

Michael: You never hit me before!... But I guess after what I said, I deserved it. You must really love him.

Brian I told him from day one, I don't believe in love, I believe in --

Michael: Fucking, yeah, I know.

Brian: Except for you, of course.

Michael's horrendous comment also shows Brian that Michael believes Brian deserves to be loved, which is something Brian struggles to believe. Brian's punch also demonstrates that Brian hates himself immensely, and doesn’t really want people to side with him. He’s still a hurting, self-loathing child who doesn’t think he deserved to be born. Michael ironically brings this out of the unconscious and into reality by being shitty out of his love for Brian (love is never inherently not selfish). 

But, you gotta fight for love if you really want said love. That’s part of being a hero. Brian goes on to do this in subtle ways in season 3, like continuing to honor his commitment to pay for Justin’s college, which in turn inspires Justin to honor his commitment to work on Rage with Michael. Brian is also later able to give Justin a path back after his encounter with his worst self because Michael has helped Brian do this, and Brian has helped Michael do it as well. That’s why right after confirming he loves Michael, Brian tells Michael he wants Michael to “make up with [Justin]”. 

So that’s what the punching scene does for Brian’s character arc. What does it do for Michael’s? Well, it gives Michael a consequence that brings him back to the messy reality where superheroes can be jerks--and sidekicks can be assholes. 

The reality is that they can’t ever go back to the time before Justin, nor should they. Just because something hurts doesn’t mean it should never have happened--an important lesson for Michael going forward. Brian still loves Justin despite how badly Justin hurt him, and he will still love Michael despite the terrible thing Michael said. 

Michael doesn’t get off scot-free from his cruelty either, nor should he. The narrative calls Michael out by having his own partner say something similarly cruel to him: 

Ben: ... Sometimes I just think... 

Michael: What? Sometimes you just think what? 

Ben: That it might just be easier to be with someone who's positive.

In Michael’s struggle with Ben this season, he starts to move beyond his initial understanding in season 2 and truly live the messy reality that people are flawed and that, even when hurting, cruelty fixes nothing. 

But back to the point of Michael’s terrible comments about Justin--what does it offer Justin? Justin never hears it, after all. But what it offers is that it clues the audience in to what Justin’s arc in the third season is all about.

No excuses for cruelty, again, but Michael is the only character who doesn’t excuse Justin for hurting Brian. This is a good thing for Justin’s growth, because Justin needs to face himself. Lindsay, Debbie, everyone--they excuse Justin when they shouldn’t. Now, I know I’ve said myself Brian was absolutely pushing Justin away and it wasn’t surprising Justin chose Ethan at the time, but that doesn’t make it okay or not hurtful to Brian. You’ve got to take responsibility for your own actions. 

After all, Justin is the one who sets the rules for their open relationship, but also the one who repeatedly breaks them. He’s the one who chose Ethan at an event set up to celebrate Brian, which humiliated Brian. 

As mentioned earlier, Ethan is the ultimate fantasy boyfriend--over-the-top romantic, loves art, incredibly talented and passionate... but he also lies and cheats and makes promises he can’t keep. Like, who else does that sound like? 

After being with Ethan and then finding himself cheated on, Justin realizes that while Ethan always said he loved him, he never loved Justin more than his music. As flawed as Brian’s love is--and it is--Brian keeps proving he loves Justin even after Justin leaves him. Brian’s actions mean more than Ethan’s pretty words. 

Brian is reality, while Ethan is fantasy. That doesn’t mean Brian can’t be better at showing he loves Justin (he can), but it does mean there’s an actual foundation there that there is not with Ethan. 

Brian and Justin finally get back together after a conversation about their mistakes, not solely their strengths. They then work together as equal partners in Justin’s art campaign against Stockwell and Brian’s plot to capture the Dumpster Killer. 

Season Four: Michael as the Reconciler

In the latter third of season 3, Michael again chooses a fantastical possibility over reality when he worries obsessively over the unborn child he has with Melanie, while literally wanting to turn an actual breathing, hurting human child (Hunter) out on the streets. But in the end, Michael overcomes this, risking it all to run away and protect Hunter from his abusive mother--the thing he was never able to do for Brian when Brian’s parents were abusing him during their childhood. Thereby Hunter becomes a sort of inner child for Michael as well, symbolizing his break with Brian--not in a bad sense, but in the sense of growing into his own person. 

In season 4, Michael gets to show how he’s grown. He’s healed the inner child with Hunter, and continues to help his friends as they struggle with their own inner child issues: Brian with whether or not he deserved to be born (deciding to be treated for cancer or let himself die), and Justin with whether or not he should have died in Chris’s attack (via refusing to let Chris steal more of his future by not killing Chris). 

In a reverse of Michael tattling on Justin to Brian in season 2, he tattles on Brian to Justin (I mean, I’m using the word “tattle” but don’t mean to imply it’s immature, because it’s not). Michael reminds Justin (who here has the right to be hurt, because Brian was at his absolute worst as a non-defined, nonconventional boyfriend after his cancer diagnosis) of who Brian is. Two steps forward towards vulnerability, then a jump back. 

Michael brings Justin and Brian together again instead of trying to wedge them apart. He gives Justin the perspective he needs to go back there and take care of Brian, and the courage to show Brian the same kind of love Justin’s mother showed him in season 1, when, as Debbie tells Jennifer:

Debbie: ...the truth is, the thing [Justin]’s the most afraid of, even more than his dad finding out and beating the shit out of him, is that you will stop loving him.

This is not to say Brian and Justin, Brian and Michael, or Michael and Justin are 1=1 parallels to Jennifer’s love for Justin, but instead to say that the comparison with a mother’s love shows a maturation of all three of these relationships. 

They choose to live and continue despite the obstacle course that is life, and despite the injuries they carry. In fact, the reason all three of them can continue is because of each other, which is most perfectly displayed in the finale of season 4.

Michael and Justin both try to warn Brian to face reality: his body’s not in any shape to handle the bike ride. Brian, true to form, does not care. When reality sets in and Brian breaks his collarbone yet still insists on continuing, Michael sets in to help him along. Even when reality is crushing, if they help each other, they can achieve the impossible. Loving relationships make a little magic, bring a little fantasy to our world. 

At the end of the race, Justin waits for Brian over the finish line, but Brian needs Michael to get there. The metaphor is clear: Justin is endgame. But Brian would never get there if it were not for Michael. 

Season Five: Michael, Brian, and Justin as Fully Realized Individuals

Come season 5, Michael, Ben, and Hunter move to the suburbs. Michael’s reality is what Brian sees as a fantasy, and Brian doesn’t respect it. He lashes out at Michael for Michael’s life looking differently than Brian’s own, and panics when Justin’s desire to have a domestic life becomes more and more apparent. He blames Michael for it, trying to see Michael as the problem. But as Michael tells him, the problem is Brian:

Brian: You infected him, with your petty, bourgeois, mediocre, conformist, assimilationist life! Thanks to you he's got visions - babies, weddings, white picket fences - dancing in his blond little head.

Michael: And you think I put them there?

Brian: Before you and your husband tied the noose around your necks he was perfectly happy! But now, he's a defector, just like the rest of you!

Michael: He was never perfectly happy! Waiting for years for you to say "I love you, you're the only one I want."

Brian: That's not who I am!

Michael: Don't we all know!

The reality is, as has been clear to any viewer of the series, that Justin has always wanted these things. Like, he’s talked about it since the first season. 

Here, Michael stands up to Brian and says no, he cannot project Justin’s desires onto Michael. They are Justin’s, and if Brian wants to be with Justin, Brian has to decide what to do on his own. That’s what it means to be an adult. Justin, too, needs to think about what he wants.

Of course, it all comes to a head when Babylon--the safe haven--gets bombed and Michael almost dies. Brian rushes into Babylon to save Justin. Justin is the one who brings up that he can’t find Michael, and only then do we realize Michael’s been gravely wounded. Brian tries to donate blood to save Michael, but he’s not able to. 

Through what happened to Michael, Brian finally gets the courage to tell Justin what he has never said in direct words to Michael: I love you. Out of fear of almost losing Michael, Brian then proposes to Justin, but neither of them are quiiite ready for that yet. However, I’ve talked extensively about Season 5 before, and how the ending is more to symbolize Brian and Justin being fully alive than anything else, and imo a happy ending for Brian and Justin was clearly implied to the point where it’s barely implied. 

Yet again, we can look to Michael and his relationship with Brian as part of this implication. They may be on different paths at the time. Accepting this is also part of growing up--leaving your egocentric, childish beliefs behind. Yet still, the thumpa-thumpa continues, and they’ll continue to meet and celebrate life together with their other loved ones, too. 

Michael: Some things aren’t meant to change.

I don’t think this line was ever about Brian’s hedonistic lifestyle necessarily, but instead about the core love that binds the relationships in the show--Justin and Brian’s included. Time won’t change their love. They will always love each other. Even if they part ways for a bit, they’ll always find their way back to each other. It’s been true for Brian and Michael, Michael and Ben, Blake and Ted, Emmett even dances with an old high school pal of his; it’ll be true for Justin and Brian as well. 

Love might be a fantasy in some ways--it’s an ideal. The reality is that love is an awkward path to follow, full of potholes and debris and steep climbs. But the story of Queer as Folk suggests that love, no matter how hard it is, is the only way to grow and navigate the difficult reality of life. 

Thereby, reality and fantasy aren’t actually two binaries. It was never about reality vs. fantasy, but instead about integrating reality and fantasy--because we all hope for a better life each day, despite the quagmire and disappointments and injustice of daily life. Through our friendships, romantic relationships, parental ones, we bring that divine magic into the world. 

[queerascait]

QaF Rant #1 - The Britin Romance Arc

So I've got a lot of thoughts in my head about QaF... which kind of makes sense, considering I started a whole ass new Tumblr for it.

So, I figure I'll start from the beginning.

I started a series rewatch a few weeks ago as a comfort thing, and after I finished Season 1 I realized that I was delaying the other seasons because I knew what happened, and it's not comfort media if you're too irritated about the plot arc to care.

See, here's the thing, and I'm sure it's been pointed out before, but I'd personally never thought that deeply into it, and that is that the Season 1 Britin arc is structured like an actual romance novel (except that the grand gesture here comes before the black moment, with the prom scenes). So if that's what you're into - and I am, it's literally my career - you keep watching the later seasons expecting them to fully deliver on the romance novel promise that they set up in Season 1.

And then they don't.

But let's break this down a little bit. Britin is hardly the first television couple who doesn't get their happy ending all wrapped up in a bow, but it's one of the few where they hit the romance structure so hard in a single season, within a sexual and romantic context right from the start.

(For context, I'll be talking about romance plot beats as articulated by Gwen Hayes in Romancing the Beat, specifically, but she's not the only romance author to talk about story beats. I'll try to keep it short, but uh..)

Gwen divides the romance arc into four stages: Set Up, Falling in Love, Retreating from Love, and Fighting for Love, with five beats in each stage.

And this is exactly how things go for Brian and Justin. They have their Set Up - they're introduced individually, they have their meet cute under the streetlight, they fuck, Brian establishes that he doesn't do love and relationships even though Justin keeps popping up around him - and then we hit Adhesion when Justin steals Brian's tricks in Episode 3 and Brian gets jealous. They're in it now; Brian's internal self has shifted.

Then, we Fall in Love, roughly episodes 4-9. This is where the characters are still thinking - wait, I can't do this love thing, buuuut... they're starting to really get to know each other, giving into temptation, and it's starting to feel like everything relationship-wise is really within reach. In the show, this is where Brian starts to choose Justin of his own accord, scenes like going to the art showing, the easy way they are with each other in front of the gang, Brian letting Justin stay with him and standing up for Justin in front of his parents. We get a 'false high' here during the very domestic shaving/studying scene in Episode 9. We're a little early for the midpoint, but this is a show not a book, so I'd put the romance midpoint around here.

Next, we're Retreating from Love. I'd argue that this is the biggest phase in the show, from episodes 10 to 21 or so; Gwen makes the point that intimacy can continue or even grow in this phase, but that at least one character's emotional wound is starting to really get in the way. For Brian and Justin, we're getting a literal retreat - Brian throws Justin out after the break in, and he goes to live with Debbie. Yet, we're still feeling intimacy between them - they're still getting closer emotionally (and physically, ha!). I'd think that this stage lasts until Brian is approached about moving to New York. This becomes the metaphorical break up moment.

The last stage is a bit jumbled and truncated, which makes sense, because they're setting up for a second season. But basically, in the Fighting for Love stage, the character emerges from a dark night of the soul to choose love, making a grand gesture and putting it all on the line. (Then, we'd often see the kissing and making up and an epilogue to round it all off.)

And, that's what happens. Brian has his emotional black moment/dark night moment with the scarfing incident. He actively chooses to move forward, he puts it on the line by going to Justin's prom and dancing with him - one hell of a grand gesture.

But we need a cliffhanger to move the show forward, so the season itself ends on the bashing - a very black moment indeed.

(I could break all of this down into the 20 individual beats that Gwen describes, but uh... this is already long af.)

Anywho, the whole damn concept has been sticking in my mind and won't let go. It's not that I think that S1 should be the one and done and fully in their happy ending moment. There's plenty of emotional growth left to explore for both of them, not even including the bashing! But it's... they lured me in with the romance, and then shifted genres for this relationship into love story. And that's fine, I mean, there's plenty of people who love a good love story, me included, but I wanted the romance and instead of exploring that, we've got the cheating and the breakups/makeups and then they don't even end the series as fully committed, present partners who have fully embraced their emotional growth. It's frustrating as hell because I can see the potential.

Anyway, that's where my mind's been at. I've been toying with the idea of doing a season/series rewrite to explore all the thoughts that are clanging around in my head - based on the show and the brilliant set up in the first season, how would I write this relationship if I were doing it for work? But I mean, I guess we'll see.

What do you guys think about it? Has anyone else written romance vs love story Britin analyses that I can peek at?

[wellcomeoneileen]

PROCESSING QAF POST 3/?

To me, season 4 was totally bearable, because I understood what the writers were aiming for, and simply squinted while I watched and revised in real time. Season 5 was beyond the pale.

An English professor once advised letting current emotion into writing even if it’s not related to the story, that passion can bleed through and you might be able to use it. Speaking ENTIRELY as an armchair psychologist here, I think this season was written with some real…displeasure on the part of the writers, and that was felt by the audience instead of being edited in a more constructive way.

I have done some googling, and this could be true and they were angry at the audience and/or cast and/or state of the world. Or, fans from 20 years ago were just coping like I am today.

However! Please allow me to present some ideas for what they could have done with their plotlines instead of (what I feel like) was repeating plotlines and throwing things at the wall. Angrily. Plenty of these ideas honor what the writers already created or even kinda got at during S5 itself.

This is very Britin oriented, because thinking about The Girls or Em truly sends me into a tizzy from which I cannot articulate useful ideas.

These ideas are rooted in my belief that S5 dropped the thematic ball that they had been steadily building, mostly with Brian, as referenced HERE.

These are pretty broad strokes, will maybe do a more structured/detailed rewriter vision later, with textual evidence.

First big point is if B/J stay together. Honestly, them splitting is a good move on the producers/advertisers side, because shows lose ratings when the main couple  stays together. However, advertising means nothing to the story quality. Let’s discuss both!

Either way, I wouldn’t want any of this to be about monogamy. Like I’ve said, I always thought monogamy was just the stand-in issue in Brian’s life for his deeper inner issues. 

If they break up:

Maybe the dust-up is Justin comes back from Hollywood and Brian is like live with me and let me pay for school again and Justin is like I’m a man now I have to figure this (living situation, no job and no education) out on my own I love you but I need to grow up.

Idk. Not married to that at all.

Then Brian is so hurt that Justin didn’t move in he blows up at the gang at a party and they cold shoulder him. Again, spitballing. Not attached to the idea for the inciting incident! 

For Justin:

Honestly have put less thought into tangible actions and motivations for Justin. That analysis requires more effort because the writers treated him as a plotpoint and mouthpiece instead of a character in S5 so I would need to give some deep thought to how to fix him, and I have only given that to Brian so far. But here’s what I think off the top of my head!

After this start of season dust-up, Justin is living on his own and he’s really processing all of the failed illusions of being an artist. We saw PIFA not go well for Justin. We saw Justin fired from Vangaurd. We saw Ethan have to sell out to be a successful artist. We see the Rage project being shut down for staying true to the source.

All of these are different disappointments with the reality of being a working creative that Justin could’ve been processing as a disillusionment of his love with art. And throughout the season, as he’s determined to make it on his own for the first time, we could see him being sort of resigned to a fate of having a typical day job. Being lucky if it’s in graphic design and maybe doing art as a hobby on the side.

And then I think the Jennifer and Tucker storyline could be really, really integrated into this. I think she could be the one to pull him out of this and say “When I was your age, I loved art but I got married to your father, started having children, and gave my passions up for a safe life. And now I’m a single mom, living on my own dating a hot younger man, and it’s scary and it’s hard and I get judged for it, but I’m finally living the life that I always wanted. I encourage you to do this dangerous thing of being an artist and yes, it’s going to keep being hard but you can do it.” 

And we see this rebirth of Justin as someone who is still incredibly optimistic - he just now has a more mature framework for that trait.

I could see this happening if there’s no B/J breakup to start the season as well, and he’s simply not letting Brian pay for things within their relationship, or something to that effect. Which!! I hope to later discuss their gendered roles and Brian’s internalized homophobia and patriarchal ideals 

For Brian:

Meanwhile, I think Brian line for season five it was actually really well set up for the writers. They just didn’t follow-through! We see in season three just Brian loses one of his most treasured assests: his wealth and career, but he still has his friends. In season four he loses his other most treasured status :His virility, but he still has his loved ones.

I would like season five to have him still be vivacious and for Kinnetik to be as successful as possible, but he no longer has his loved ones around him because of whatever happened at the start of the season (if we go with the breakup).

Brian realizes that his career and his body are not as important to him as his relationships. Or at least is forced to admit the three are equal. And we see him start to really evaluate why he is the way he is. I would love for him to dive deep into his childhood, confront his demons, and end the series by making some decisions for his adult self and not based on childhood trauma..

And then he reflects, reevaluates, and reintegrates everyone into his life through a new lens. This is really about him admitting to accepting and embracing the fact that the people around him deeply matter. Accept Debbie as a mother, Michael as a brother Gus as his son, Lindsay and Mel as dear friends and coparent, etc.

I fully acknowledge these were touched on – but he was still mostly given Justin/monogamy plotlines and emotions which I disagree with

SPECICALLY this could look like

Letting him throw down with Debbie? Because Debbie was his pseudo mom, but she always put Michael first. Which isn’t wrong, he was her actual son, but I could see Brian maybe projecting on her, or maybe pushing her away, or maybe just really re-integrating his role in her life and vice versa. That could have had some drama (for the ratings) since she’s such a fiery character. This could also be the inciting incident if B/J don’t break up.

If his second nephew came out as gay and ran away from Claire to be with his Uncle Brian, that could have mirrored season 1 with Justin, and show how he’s grown and learned since then, and forced him to confront his family history and baggage, stop generational trauma, and allow him to prevail over the ghosts of his upbringing, giving him and the audience a sense of positive closure.

And if it was the first nephew, the same nephew who falsely accused him of molestation, that could be some serious tension, and it could further the Justin S1 mirror by also showing a better version of Chris Hobbs –  a sort of what if Chris Hobbs had admitted he was gay and tried to atone instead of turning violent? 

Lots of full circles!

AND that could have sparked a fight between Brian and Michael as they disagree over dealing with their troublesome teenage runaways, if the writers wanted B/M drama. This could be wrapped into the Debbie drama?

I think having the nephew come, his own demons from his past, him fight with Debbie, then the nephew arc closes out and with this encouragement from his mentor trial period, (and having processed and moved on from his childhood abuse),  he realizes that he wants to be more involved with Gus. He then tries and fails and eventually figures out what kind of father he wants to be, and what kind of co-parent he and Mel/Linds are (God what I would do to have more Brian and Mel scenes), he and Debbie reconcile, and he has an active friendship with Ted, would have been beautiful relationships, excellent tying up, none of it focused on romance and all of it not promoting the nuclear family. I say that because the writers said they wanted to not focus on happy romantic endings, but also focused their show on Britin…so….

I also think this is where you could integrate some of attempting to be monogamous plot lines from the end of season five. Again, I wrote about what I think about that in another post, but without reflecting on that, let’s just use these elements that the writers came up with and obviously wanted.

I think he could’ve been the stereotypical father to Gus when he starts to be a part of his life. He’s teaching him to play ball. He’s starting to be strict with rules. It’s just kind of funny scenes. Likewise, he does the same with Ted - he embraces the fact that Ted is his friend, and he starts being kind and sympathetic, and not a bitch to him.

And in all of these situations he would hear from Lindsey and Ted to just be who he is. They love him. They just want him around. He doesn’t have to be a textbook Father and Friend. And I think that would greatly heal his inner child wound which again is something I’ve talked about elsewhere and as I think the big issue with Brian. But if he is able to accept his life and accept him the way he is, I think that could be a lot of his plot for this season.

I just don’t get why they didn’t allow exploration in his already pre-existing, non-traditional, non-romantic relationships. Good for his character, closure for the audience, gives plenty of conflict, allegedly what the writers wanted to get across with the ending…

 

Being separated from Justin or not, this could work.

And then, at the end of the season,

The two of them have separately reached their thesis statements of who they are. They can face each other, and these will be two characters who saw the potential in one another from the beginning when no one else did, pushed each other to potential throughout the show, and they have themselves embraced that for their own sakes, and they can choose each other for the next chapter of their lives.

Even, dare I say, (and this would be a controversial!) but I think viewers would be more open to them having a thank you for making me who I am, goodbye forever talk if we got that whole season of seeing them make that final big push in their maturation arcs. 

Or it could still be Justin going to New York, but instead of it feeling like this bittersweet hopefully they stay together, instead it’s they’ve reaffirmed their love to one another and are very confidently moving into this next chapter. I think this would change the tone of the ending to be, all these seasons have been the bildungsroman and now we are at a place to really takeoff into the future because our foundation is now so secure.

We could even have another “rules” discussion - but this time it’s like “you won’t pay for anything for me for the next three years.” “You’ll tell me when you start to fall in love for the one millionth time for some out of work actor” “you will say when you’re angry instead of ignoring my calls. You don’t have to say anything else.just don’t ignore me. Tell me. “

Shit like that. Because those were their real problems - not monogamy. Not married to that idea either - it could be way too much telling now showing or it could be a good throwback to their first rules agreement. 

[thefandomentals]

Peacock's Queer As Folk reboot has a lot of great stuff but maybe took the drama a little too far. Kathryn breaks down the good and the bad from the latest iteration of the show.

[sophsun1]

I hope it's okay to keep coming into your ask box but I have another question about QAF. I've just started my watch of S5, got thru 5x05 last night, send help please I'm scared lol, but why does Brian say only 4 weeks when the couple from Britin's 4-way in 5x04 asks them how long they've been together? Does he think he and Justin were on a break while Justin was in LA? Also, really not loving whatever the fuck is happening with Justin. I've seen a lot of tags and analysis about it, but seeing it on screen hits different I guess. Ugh. Thank you kindly for humoring me!

Hey!

Welcome to the fandoms most disliked season - Season 5!

I would say that for the most part you kind of just have to sigh and shake your head at the contradictory characterisations which swing wildly from one point of view to another.

Justin definitely suffers from this a lot and he was kind of sacrificed for their overall story arc. All in all the writers wanted a conflict to split britin up again and giving Justin a personality transplant and wanting to be a happy homemaker was the route they took.

They were trying to go for a more mature, grown up Justin who was ready to settle down played against Brian's regression to season one commitment-phobe. So there had to be a disconnect between them like the breakup in S2 the rehashing of old plots was such a weak and unnecessary decision.

I would say that's why Brian said they'd been together 4 weeks to Justin's 4 years, which is the *correct* answer as when they were apart they still orbited each other and were just as connected tyvm. The scene in question has the couple saying they got married and were together for 10 years and Justin is really impressed but then they go on to say monogamy wasn't for them and they decided to be open and Brian agrees that monogamy sucks and you see Justin's face kind of fall. So it was just to further the conflict between them in my opinion.

This season is the one I rewatch the least but there are some beautiful moments to come so it's not all bad!

[thissugarcane]

qaf season 4 structural analysis

I am studying the structure of season 4 (all as part of my intention to rip it the HELL apart and stitch it back together in a quilt more pleasing to me, if not more happy), and you know what? it feels very much to be a three-act thing, at least where brian and justin's arcs are concerned. posibly where they're all concerned?

act one: 4x01 to 4x05

brian's arc: he's building kinnetik and learning (and willingly) accepting help for his business -- and also, he's building himself back up again brick by brick, redefining his position and place in his career.

justin's arc: he's actually the one NOT willing to accept help or support in Act 1, because he's dealing with PTSD from Darren's bashing and the pink posse

michael and ben: dealing with being foster parents mostly (and partly ben's book / jealousy over hollywood)

Deb: ? pretending she's actually ok with not being needed, when obvs she isn't? (aka vic and rodney)

lindsay: ?

mel: that case and letting go of being "everything"

emmett: sort of, thru 4x01 and such: learning to live without Ted and "on his own"? (by 4x05 he's moved into his new apartment)

ted: rehab, pt one, learning to accept he is an addict? and learning to accept help / that he has friends / that he can live post-addiction?

[I think Emmett and Ted's arc together, and maybe their individual ones, don't strictly follow the episode structure, because I think they go more 4x03 to 4x08 ish, like, they have two arcs mid and late season, rather than the whole thing. but emmett and ted's storyline together is ted's amends.]

act two: 4x06 to 4x10

brian's arc: in a nutshell? the cancer arc

Brian begins at the peak of his career success (4x06 starts with the kinnetik launch) but then finds out his health is failing and has to face his own mortality

brian is struggling through cancer (being physically imperfect, facing up to the fact that he's not 21 anymore and that he's lost something else that was fundamental to his identity (his dick)

by the end, he's let justin in and once more is accepting justin's help, and also by the end, he's able to be hard and has come out of it

justin: the hollywood arc, sort of not really

Justin sort of doesn't have a full arc in act two of season 4... the hollywood stuff is percolating, but it's a narrative plot for Ben and Michael and Ben's jealousy, not Justin

He's mostly supporting Brian

He's also being woo'ed by Hollywood and Brett, when no one else in his life is paying attention

NOTE TO SELF: Give justin this insecurity about his career arc in your fic, here, while Brian is RECOVERING from cancer. Tie it into him going back to school and to Kinnetik?

Arguably Justin is lost in Act 2, not sure of his place (brian lies to him, then brian throws him out, then brett calls, then then then)

michael and ben: the hollywood arc and ben's jealousy over michael's success (and then Anthony) - while Ben doesn't cheat and is honest, he isn't honest about how he's struggling with his own failure as Michael experiences success

debbie: vic's death, as well as everbody dealing with this obvs (her fight with vic is in 4x06 and his death is at the end of it)

ted: his feelings for blake coming to a head, basically? maybe? 4x06, then 07 is where blake says "we can't do this"

lindsay (and Mel): sam and that betrayal

Emmett: mostly a supporting character. until 4x09 when he meets Drew.

as Lindsay and Mel are falling apart, Ted and Emmett are reconciling

act three: 4x11 to 4x14 (maybe 5x01) - the liberty ride

Brian's arc: accepting what you can't change

Brian is once again struggling to accept he won't be able to "get better" or "go back", which culminates with him doing the liberty ride, lost, physically broken (literally) and feeling very much alone because Michael just got MARRIED and justin is in LA.

BUT. Brian, with the determination to do it FOR HIMSELF and also to GET BACK TO JUSTIN keeps going and is happy about it. michael supports him on that ride but his GOAL is to get back to justin, FOR HIS OWN SAKE

He also throws Pendergrast out (figuratively) and then fixes the ride himself, because he knows who he is in his career? and he can't go back to being who he was pre-3x14

the thing he has trouble accepting is that people move on -- michael did, does, and Brian by 4x13 has realized that he's lost him. by the end of 4x14 he's realized he's lost Justin, too.

justin's arc: hollywood. sort of

Justin is finding his feet and being excited about new career opportunities in LA and genuinely wanting to "spread his wings" so to speak, building a new self

after having a full act feeling "lost", arguably, he's onto "change the things you can" instead of "accept the things you can't".

he's pulling away from Brian as Brian's fighting to stand and survive (alone, because he has to do it alone)

emmett: has the drew thing, and deciding not to lie even if he loves drew, thing

ted: reconciles his friendship with emmett and realizes he's gotten the pieces of his life back that he wanted

ben and michael: choose to get married, support hunter, and be a family.

lindsay and mel: realise and choose to split up

deb: mostly a supporting character for the others now that she's forgiven herself over the fight with vic. supports brian while brian is depressed. supports michael and ben. has carl. etc.

[k-s-morgan]

Hi !!! I recently saw and am obsessed with britin . How would u describe their love for each other

Another ask: Ur analyses are beautiful!! Can u please analysis the Justin taylor and Brian Kinney characters of qaf!!!

--------------------------------

Hello! Oh, I can relate)) I love Brian and Justin, and I think their relationship is incredibly many-layered. In general terms, it's obsession, passion, and need. In more specific ones:

In S1, Justin is infatuated with Brian. This infatuation is rather naive, but it makes him obsessed. Justin is a very strong person and I believe that he did sense that Brian is his person from the start. However, he is still young, cocky, and idealistic like many teenagers. He ignores the bad for the sake of the good, getting hurt in the process.

Brian, in turn, was slowly getting attached. He's very used to being the object of everyone's lust, but he also knows that very few people in this world actually love him. Justin, however, slowly worms his way inside his heart. His devotion is absolute, and Brian can't help but respond to it. Even when Justin sees the ugly parts of him, he stays and pronounces his love.

In S2, the situation changes. Justin nearly dying traumatized Brian so much that he's a wreck. Tenderness blossoms, and with it come deeper feelings. Justin still loves him; where Brian blames himself, Justin soothes him by telling him he saved him. Soon, their relationship becomes more stable, and Brian really falls in love. However, Justin is getting over his infatuation - he loves Brian now, and what they have is no longer enough. Brian wants an open relationship; Justin doesn't mind having fun, but he wants monogamy and certainty that he's loved. Brian's insecurities and immaturity start to weigh on him, and distance appears. Brian is terrified of this, and as always in such situations, he lashes out. Justin leaves.

In S3, Brian is obsessed with Justin. I don't think he realized how hard his loss would hit him. Justin is gradually maturing and starts seeing Brian in a new light. What seemed like an unacceptable drawback now looks like small flaws he can live with because Brian, for all his weaknesses, is genuine, and he loves him. They reunite and are stronger than ever together.

In S4, their relationship gains a new layer of maturity. They are settling in with one another, both partners now, both building a life together. It's a pretty calm season, all things considered, and it demonstrates the growth of Brian and Justin separately and together.

In S5, they make two steps forward, three steps back. Justin left to build a career at the end of S4 - it was temporary, but it set Brian back. He goes back to being insecure and panicked. Justin, upon coming back, quickly realizes that he can't go through this again. He's tired and emotionally drained, so he leaves. Brian finally catches up after the explosion, and while his proposal was an act of despair, I think it was genuine. They were almost there in S4, and now they got a chance to be together again.

The last episode of the show is ridiculously open. It's clear that Brian and Justin make each other happy and that they both wanted to marry each other. But no, writers decided to make some odd statement about freedom and place them in a long-distance relationship again. I have no doubts Justin will come back and the wedding will happen, but I see no reason for this arc in general, so I'm not a fan of E13.

[xoxoemynn]

Hi Emy! I’m about to embark on a much needed QaF rewatch and I want to read your metas in episode order as I go so I was wondering if you have an index or how you have them organized/how to find them? I have asked you a handful of questions over the years and always find your insights bring a whole new aspect to the scene I would have missed on my own. 😘😘 we are so lucky to have you and your brain in the QaF fandom.

Awwww you’re so sweet! So I always meant to go back and organize my meta posts but.......then I didn’t haha. But here are some ways to get started:

My main tags for asks were QAF meta (any kind of scene/character/arc/show analysis), QAF headcanons (for my obvs more subjective opinions of things that didn’t happen on the show), and Chats with Emy (kind of a catch all, I usually also tagged all meta posts with Chats with Emy, but sometimes I’d respond to asks in a bit more ~casual fashion so I didn’t think they necessarily deserved to be called meta but there’s def QAF discussion in there).

Once upon a time I made a list of my favorite meta pieces I’ve written and organized them by content here. There is a section specifically for scene analysis.

Next best bet, and it’s not perfect because Tumblr 🙄BUT I did try to be pretty clear when I replied to asks with what the content was about, so using the search feature may work. So, for instance, if you wanted to see if I'd ever written about the Liberty Ride, you might try xoxoemynn.tumblr.com/search/Liberty-Ride or xoxoemynn.tumblr.com/search/4x14. It's not a perfect system -- you can't make super detailed searches, and I know there have been times I've tried it on my blog and it didn't pull posts that it should have. But like I said, it's something.

I hope this helps!! Enjoy your rewatch, I am WAYYYYYY overdue for one of my own!!

[wisdomrays]

BASICS OF ISLAM : Anticipation For the Messiah and the Mahdi.Part3

According to what was reported by Shatibi for instance, Abu Mansur, the ruler of the sect called Mansuriya, honored himself with the name "Kisf," which literally means "piece," claiming to be the Messiah and that the Holy verse 

"Were they to see a piece of the sky falling (on them), they would (only) say: 'Clouds gathered in heaps!''" is referring to himself (Tur 52:44). 

Indicating this passage and claiming that he was the kisf he soon gathered supporters around him, as if he had indeed descended from Heaven. Ignoring the actual meaning of the verse, and only taking into account the action of descending from the sky, he argued to be the kisf mentioned in this verse thinking of himself as a stone that had descended upon humanity. Similarly to what Shatibi reported, Ubaydullah of the Rafizis, who thought of himself as the Mahdi, had two councilors, Nasrullah and Fath. Nasrullah in Arabic means the "help of God," while Fath means "victory." As if to justify his status, this so-called Mahdi assured them with the argument that "You are the ones the chapter Nasr in the book of God refers to; as the verse surely addresses us, the promise that Islam will be embraced by people in crowds will come true via our own efforts":

When comes the Help of God, and Victory, and you see the People enter God's Religion in crowds, celebrate the Praises of your Lord, and pray for His Forgiveness: For He is All-Forgiving." (Nasr 110:1-3)

These two examples, reported by a man of significance like Shatibi, are sufficient in terms of providing evidence for how names and attributes can be abused, how they are used in the service of disorder, and how they cause bloodshed in a particular geographical area.

The issue of awaiting a savior and the abuse of this expectation has not remained restricted only to religious life. Some people, for instance, awaited a savior in economical terms while others did so in a social context. Those who awaited a savior for economy focused their attention upon Karl Marx during a chaotic time of Europe which was mired in blood by the uprising of workers. Such people have highly regarded his works Das Kapital and The Communist Manifesto which he wrote with Engels, and thus regarding him as the savior of humanity, and in particular, the working-class (the proletariat). Dr. Ikbal stated the following words about Marx in Payam Mashrik (News from the East): "a prophet without a holy book (!), who is voicing the people's viewpoint"; he further depicts Marx as an ignorant, impolite, and impious character who is after various kinds of expectations; and this Marx was indeed greeted by some as the Messiah. Likewise, from Lenin to Trotsky, many others have been applauded as saviors. At times in the Islamic world, too, some have been viewed as saviors in nearly every country: from Egypt to the Sudan and from Syria to Somalia. Some have even gone to such an extreme in apostasy, ignorance, heedlessness and unbelief that they even said, "Muhammad was the Prophet of the Arabs, or Madina; yet, this one is ours."

Several mahdis emerged among the followers of the Rafizi thought throughout history. Similar to the argument that the person who founded the Muwahhideen State was the Mahdi, many political groups that emerged during the times of the Umayyads and Abbasids were convinced that their leaders were Mahdis. The first sovereign of the Shiite (Ismaili) Fatimid State, which was established in North Africa and exercised power over Egypt later on, was believed to be the Mahdi by those who founded and sustained this state. Placing a child on the throne, they would gather around this pseudo-savior whom they considered to be the grandson of the Prophet, thus abusing the Mahdi—Messiah issue. Furthermore, the Fatimids declared independence causing further disorder as well as segregation in the Muslim community during a phase in which the Muslims suffered at the hands of both the Crusaders and the Mongols.

As for recent history, it is as if the Mahdi-Messiah issue has provided a playground in which disorder can frolic. It has been abused to a great extent by a number of people, from the Mahdi of Somali to the great Mahdi in Sudan; the latter was killed and cremated by the English and his ashes were then scattered on the Nile—Dr. Ikbal wrote a great deal about this matter. There is also Bahaullah, who was applauded as the Promised Messiah, and Gulam Ahmad, who was engaged in Hindu yoga and meditation, having a tendency toward revealing the power of the soul and seeing hallucinations when he felt dizzy, due to his asceticism. This last person called himself respectively a mujaddid (reviver of religion), the Promised Mahdi, the Expected Imam, and finally the Promised Messiah. Later came Elijah Muhammad, who declared himself to be a prophet.

A particular case in point is the Shiites' attempt to keep the idea of the Mahdi on their agenda by announcing that "One of the Twelve Imams has been hidden somewhere while still alive, so as to be able to appear at a later date." It is very ironic that they expect the savior who kept cover from the evil of the Abbasids will suddenly make his appearance as if from behind the Mountain Qaf, during the time of the Dajjal (Anti-Christ), which is a much greater evil than was present under the rule of the Abbasids. This expectation should be investigated in terms of the essentials of faith as well.

The expectation of a perfect Heracles has always been an everlasting characteristic of the oppressed and victimized nations. Many lazy, passive, and weak souls, who have completely sealed themselves to abolishing false beliefs through their own efforts, are busy awaiting such a Heracles who is to descend from the sky. As a matter of fact, there exists such a reality and there is a tendency to await a Mahdi in Sunni thought as well; however, the Mahdi, as understood by the Ahl al-Sunna, has not been attributed supernatural features at all. On the contrary, he is believed to be a ruler who will lead the society to Islam, and a man of science, heart, and spirit.

It Is Necessary To Watch Out for Abuses

Having been subject to abuses throughout the history, the belief in the Messiah and Mahdi might still be open to exploitation, while liars who claim to be prophets as well as imitators of the Mahdi and so-called shaykhs may well spring up. If a person can claim to be the Messiah, as Gulam Ahmad did, it is, then, necessary to study and analyze the issue in terms of the essentials of faith. What does he mean by such a claim? If he is trying to say that the Messiah has entered into him, as have some people attributed divinity to Jesus, and that he regards himself in this way, this is unbelief according to Muslim faith; the word "deviation" is too mild a term for such a situation. Yes, such a claim is blatant unbelief.

By this utterance and claim such a person may mean to say that he is on a spiritual journey in the orbit of Jesus the Messiah, and that those who observe him are able, in some way, to see a (kind of) Messiahhood through him, due to the level he has attained. If this is what is meant, it is a paradox, as a person who has actually reached that level would never make such a claim. In addition, claiming to be a person of such a spiritual rank is the height of vanity.

Abd al-Qadr al-Jilani may have really been a Mahdi, though he had never claimed such a thing. Likewise, Muhammad Bahauddin Naqshbandi might also have been a genuine Mahdi; yet, he had never associated himself with that rank. Though he equally deserves to be addressed as Mahdi in this sense, Imam Rabbani did not even consider himself to merit the quality of being human. To speak more frankly, those who belong to the horizon mentioned above are surely the ones who avoid claims and quests for high spiritual rank and status.

Perfect analysis is required for such claims: Is it a wrong association arising from sharing the same level of spirituality?Is it an error which stems from an overestimation by society? Is it the voicing of the confusion of that same society? Or is it rather that this person truly thinks that he is a chosen one? If they really believe so and claim to be the Mahdi, then this is an obvious sign of vanity, deviation, and a groundless claim that should be refuted. If, in the same way, they argue that they are the Messiah, then this is nothing less than the worst kind of unbelief. Nobody can claim "I am the Messiah," as Jesus the Messiah came, and took his leave of us, going as prophet. This being the case, anyone who claims to be the Messiah is without a doubt performing an action that is as grave as claiming to be a prophet, that is, they are blaspheming. If a person born of certain parents claims to be the Messiah, it means that they have been reincarnated as well, an idea that finds no place in Islamic belief, where such a claim is regarded as a deviation, or even unbelief. From this perspective, one would never attempt such an argument if following the way of Ahl al-Sunna and walking in the light of the Prophet.

Some naïve people might easily call those whom they overestimate as "the Mahdi." As we have tried to emphasize, however, even if the Messiah were to come and descend in person, he would not do so as a prophet. The fact that he will obey the current guide of Muslims in addition to the fact that the Messenger of God, Muhammad, was the last prophet, both indicate that he will neither descend as a prophet nor will his spirit pass into another. If he were to appear as spiritual personality, neither those involved in this spiritual personality nor the leading figure would never come up with such a claim. Similarly, the person in question, or rather the spiritual personality, who bears the attributes of the Mahdi, would not claim to be the Mahdi nor would they ever make such an assertion. Thus, even if they do not believe themselves to be the Messiah, if a person remains silent against the overestimation of others regarding him who proclaim him the Messiah or the Mahdi, this means that he is keeping silent against deviation or unbelief, depending on the gravity of the claim. Accordingly, such a person would deserve more to be called "a mute devil," based on the statements of God's Messenger.Indeed, if one is addressed as "the Messiah" but, on the other hand, remains silent purposefully, not attempting to warn others against making this deviation, then such a person is no less than a mute devil. If the person in question wanders around claiming that "I am the Mahdi," they indeed float on misery, and have gravely deviated from the path. It is out of the question that a Muslim would approve of any such claims.

This issue, which was destined to be abused throughout time, has unfortunately become a tool exploited by the enemies of the religion, used to defame sincere believers. Moreover, some other people are backed by certain powers to emerge with such claims to use against Muslims. Such cases may well come to the fore in the near or distant future, just as they did in the distant and recent past. 

[hamliet]

Hi! QAF question is coming :)

But firstly I'd like you to know how grateful I am for such a comprehensive review and analysis of the QAF!!! <3 An no, you're not 20 years too late. I'm rewatching it now (for the 6th or 7th time) and your thoughts and output on the matter are very insightful for me, not just as a viewer but as a human being who tends to reflect on what life, love and being a human is. I've printed out all your posts and highlighted all the insightful thoughts. Really appreciate what you do, please carry on.

My question is: in 2x08 why was Justin so cruel to the guy he'd met at Daphne's party when he later came to see him at Liberty diner? Since Justin experienced simular experience with Brian, he knew how hurtful he must have sounded to the poor kid (and Brian was much nicer to him telling him he doesn't want to be with him). Was it a way for Justin to express his previously hurt feelings, even if the recepient was not Brian? I'd love to hear your thoughts on that. Thank you.

Awww thank you for reading my rambles! There's nothing quite so delightful as finding a new story you really love, and when I love something I want to dig in and find connections, analyze (even over analyze, but why not?) Stories can really impact our lives, and QaF, in part because of its connection to a major event in my childhood and in part because I genuinely found it a beautiful story, was very healing for me to watch. It's not a perfect story, but it helped me feel glad to be alive again, which fits it into a very rare category of story for me. Anyways, all that to say--I absolutely do plan to keep rambling, and I'm so happy to hear you like reading them.

About that scene, to an extent, yes, I do think Justin was expressing his hurt feelings. But I actually don't think he did that consciously. I think Justin's arc in the latter 2/3 of season 2--starting from this precise episode--is him becoming more and more like Brian, but not in a good way. I wrote about that here:

Throughout the second season, Brian hides the best parts of himself (literally not allowing anyone to know that he visits Justin every single night he’s in the hospital). Brian also self-sabotages himself by demanding Justin hide the best parts of himself (loving Brian) with their semi-open arrangement that fails epically, and Justin leaves him. But part of the reason is fails is also that Justin starts becoming more like Brian, even imitating Brian in word and action when he sleeps with a virgin, and… big surprise, neither of them like Justin becoming more like Brian. Justin doesn’t want to be Brian, and Brian doesn’t want to be Brian either.

But, it was kind of necessary for both of them. Brian needed to see his worst self, but not in a condemnatory sense: he needed to see it in someone he loved and knew was better than this.

Brian already is consumed with self-hatred (which masquerades, as it often does in psychology, as overconfidence), because he doesn't feel like he deserves to live or love. Those aspects--living and loving--are fundamentally tied together for Brian just as they are for almost everyone in this world, and for him they stem from his parents' abuse and cruelty. They resented his existence, and he knew it his entire life.

So, for Brian, seeing his worser traits in someone he loved--and still loved--helped him start to heal. He didn't have to witness everything Justins aid and did to become more and more like him for this to thematically fit the story and character arcs.

For Justin, well, I've talked about him facing his worst self before, but this was just the start of a spiral that ended with Ethan. His worst self had some elements of Brian, but was also fundamentally just Justin. There are ways this ties into the idea of being yourself, too, another of QaF's themes.