#pyro headcannon

[prettyboypistol]

How to Seduce the TF2 Mercs

Scout

Pay attention to him. Give him genuine compliments and honest feedback. He wants to feel loved and like he's worth someone's time.

Kisses and physical affection. Mans thinks about the time you put your hand on his shoulder for weeks.

Just say you love him, man. He's been overlooked his whole life.

Soldier

Take him seriously- don't belittle him or make jokes about how he views the world. He knows he's a little crazy but he is genuinely trying his best to make the world a better place.

Defend him!!! If someone shit talks him, punch that motherfucker in the jaw!!

Honest discussions with you asking a lot of questions, take the time to get to know him and you'll have a defender for the rest of your life.

Pyro

Much like with Soldier, defend them and take the time to get to know them.

Gifts, gifts, gifts!!! Give them gifts!

Be a little flirty ;> don't baby them! Treat them like the adult they are!

Demoman

Bro just ask to fuck. He'll probably say yes.

He loves a bold mf that knows how to take what they want. Come on to him, buy him a drink, and ask if he's got any company for the night.

If you're going for something a little more long term, just remove the sleeping aspect. Just say you're interested in getting to know him you'll most likely get a date and see how things go.

Engineer

He's a sucker for practical use gifts (i.e. mechanical oil, a new wrench, etc) or sentimental gifts (photograph of you two, love letters)

Call him handsome! Call him pretty and a gentleman! Appeal to that cowboy energy and treat him all respectful like and you'll definitely catch his interest.

If you're not the type to do all that song and dance, go the opposite route. Stump him with a logistic problem and tease him about it. He'll nonstop think about you for months and bitch about you to his sentries.

Heavy

Mikhail likes hotheads and determined people, someone who's not afraid to fight if the situation comes to it.

Ask him about general things and slowburn that mf about nice conversations until you two can talk about personal things.

Ask him to help you clean your guns! Ask him weaponry questions about what would suit you better in the field!

Medic

GET THIS MAN SOME ORGANS. GET HIM SOME FUNDING!!!! get him a lil lovebirddddd

Take the time to get to know his birds and if the birds like you, Medic automatically likes you more.

Take an interest in his medical discoveries and his life! He's a prime yapper and wants to t a l k. That's why he never shuts up when doing surgery.

Spy

Romance him traditionally, to be honest. Keep it classy and court him like the romantic he is. Roses placed in his locker, prime dinners delivered to his door, BE A ROMANTIC ABOUT IT.

If you can't dance, ask him to teach you "for a mission" (He will know that you're the one behind all the flirtatious gestures bc he's SPY)

Butter up that man like he's a piece of toast. Handsome young man who captured your heart and holds it hostage. Classy gentleman that could get away with world domination with gorgeous eyes like that.

Sniper

Don't come on too strong, he's a bristly one. Be calm and casual. Hit him with that friends to lovers.

He's more of a tough nut to crack and insecure of if you actually like him, so be sure to flood his mind with ambiguous hints when you think you see signs of him showing interest in you.

To really seal yourself in his heart, spend a lot of quality time with him! Go camping, hunting, fishing, driving, anything that gets the both of you alone and quiet.

[dani-fox]

DAYILY REMINDER TO THE TF2 FANDOM

Pyro is a grown ass adult.

Pyro is not cannonly a child.

Pyro is a grown adult. who cannonly ran his own business, who suffers from a mental illnesses, and shouldn't be infantlised just because Pyro acts silly.

Pyro can be in a romantic relationship if you want them to be

Pyro can be aroace and not interested in romance and gender if you want them to be

Pyro can be a elderish Abomination if you want it to be

Pyro can be a cis man if you want him to be

Pyro can be a butch lesbian it you want her to be

Pyro can be in a father child relationship with engineer if you want

Just DONT push your ideologies onto others

I've seen so many posts about peaple getting mad at Texas Toast shippers for 'proshipping'

Pyro and Engineer are not cannonly in a father son relationship. Those two are grown consenting non-related adults!

So if you see Pyro and Engineer as family, that's fine just don't go into every goddam Texas Toast comment section and go "Erm actually they are father n son" because no one like you if you do that. That is why you don't get invited to partys Steve! Because you are the fun cops!

Seriously: Just don't do that bullcrap you weirdos. Not everyone thinks like you so just respect their opinion(unless its proshipping. Then don't respect the proshippers)

Thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

[wolfram-but-art]

i may or may not have made full designs for mercs in an rp i'm doing...

rb > likes or smth

misc + og designs under cut :thumbs up:

here's them before i started colouring

most of these are pretty gimmicky on purpose, also i changed a cuple of stuff here and there

for the sake of the rp i designed these kill feeds (more or less inspired by those chat devices someone made for dsmp that one time) (it's a little primitive, but it only has to be functional)

there is a v.2 which has the form of a watch (you can see it on sniper, spy and engie) (it also has a mode where instead of sending notifications it vibrates, thought it would be fun for sneaking) (maybe it even has a walke talkie function, yk, for team comms) (i didn't draw but it's all fictional anyway)

i kept some on my hcs in these ddesigns too, like engi's and Pyro's special goggles and tails and

i also removed Medic's lab coat because... well... he doesn't have it on...

i removed Sniper's facial hair too because i ended up hating it hfsgfe

there's also this uh,, thing i made

(yes, i made spy look and pose like that on prpose lmao)

[editor-who]

DATING PYRO - X-Men HeadCannons

(also if this isn't amazing or the spelling is off, I'm sorry I wrote it when I was half asleep)

General HC:

°Had a rough family life / doesn't get along well with them (hence when he sees Bobby has a loving healthy family dynamic he stares at their photo)

°Probably finds mini ways to annoy Bobby and rogue especially when they're being all lovey dovey

°feels like a third wheel and sometimes just chooses to sit alone away from them

°he'd go to the gym to let his anger out

°he hates to ask for help, HATES it. He hates relying on others because he doesn't want to seem weak or rely on someone who will end up hurting him or not even helping him.

So

Dating HC:

°He gives big hugs, even if he pretends he isn't a fan of hugs or physical touch (he secretly loves it)

°theres nothing more that he'd like to do then cuddle up on the sofa or his bed in pjs and warm you up.

°he is very much a loner so you two will sit alone from most people, he knows all the good hiding spots, all the quiet spots where no one is.

°He often has nightmares about his powers failing him or him failing or not being good enough (regarding his mutant powers), he may also have nightmares of past missions and also his family life. He hates to admit when it happens but he wakes up in a cold sweat, panting heavily. He dissociates for a bit unable to calm himself down. You notice immediately and comfort him. His breathing would calm down and he'd be thankful and eventually open up about it, BUT only to you and you alone.

°He'd tease or make fun of you a lot

°he'd mark his territory, he gets jealous easily and would definitely leave hickeys on your neck so everyone knows your his. He wouldn't be too possessive but would certainly get jealous of other men or worried that they'd try to hit on you. He does trust you around other men, it's more he doesn't trust them around you.

°When doing training (specifically the simulation) if he was against you he'd purposefully try to flaunt and show off his powers. He wouldn't go easy on you but simultaneously wouldn't hurt you badly. Instead of knocking you out he'd pin you against the wall until you can't escape, that's how he wins. Perfect chance to show everyone that you two are together but it's also rivalrious but intimate too. He'd lean in really closely so your lips were almost touching.

[peachfreak1750]

✨GUESS WHOS BORED MOTHERFUCKERS!✨

HEAD CANNONS!!

Pyro = can make anything flammable (somehow?) and always has lighter fluid on them. Wet wood? No problem! Flame retardant? NO PROBLEM!

Sniper = Can fall asleep anywhere.. Anywhere. He can literally climb anything sometimes even smooth surfaces like a fucking goat!

Medic = Knows random facts about the bodies and skeletons of many different animals and bugs. He was that kid who killed bugs on the ground in the school yard. He also always has needles on him. Where are these needles? Everywhere.

Spy = Uses all types of knives and can throw any knife hatchet or blade and it lands perfectly every time! The one thing is that he can’t aim perfectly with is a fucking gun. I think he hates them.

Demo = Family guy dead pose.

Engineer = Somehow always has a guitar on him idk where it always is he just pulls that shit out of mid air. He can make anything out of literally nothing, give him one wire and some shards of glass in the middle of the woods and he’ll make a light bulb.

Heavy = Can break **anything** with the right amount of force. Heavy has amo on him at all times his pocket always full. I think he also always has change on him, he has so many quarters.

Soldier = He can eat anything and not die. He has so many pieces of led in his hand from when he was a kid he would stab his pencil into his hand. This man can break anything on his body, Engie usually uses him as a bottle opener.

Scout = This man has so many pairs of shoes, this mother fucker goes through that shit way to fast. I also thick to avoid untied shoe laces he has velcro shoes. Also he shockingly knows how to play the guitar because he hangs out with Engie too much, but he can only play by ear because he ain’t ever reading sheet music.

*spy to his new side kick teaching them how to be a little thief*

Spy: Now be carful with Medic he’s a tough one.

Newbie: is it because he is really observant?

Spy confused: What? No, he has needles in his fucking pockets.

[simp999]

I feel this is cringe but it itches the back of my mind like no other… since it’s late 60s early 70s in tf2, mercs reaction to there being a new recruit who is a female pilot? I’m sorry if this sounds like? Hyper specific ? But she’s like hot biker/pilot bitch who is like the epitome of Cool Girl (tm) flared ripped jeans and tight tank tops yk?

GOING INSANE OVER THIS ITS SUCH A COOL IDEA

I'm so sorry about how long it took to make this and how short it is, I'm trying to do all my requests in order of what I received em ww

TF2 Mercs x Badass Fem Pilot! Reader Headcannons

Wc: 730

Themes: uhh Fluff? Romantic and platonic depends on character

A/N: Sniper bias whoop

A/N 2: okay so. I try to stray away from fem reader stuff but this THIS is a complete exception because I love the idea sm

Taglist: @emotionally-alive-sniper @moopy-milk @skeleton-stomper-xoxo @emotionallyunwellmedic @physically-robotic-medic

Masterlist

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Scout: 

-God,, he is immediately in love with your style and vibes.

-Yes, in a simpery way

-Will absolutely fumble on words and flirt miserably

-"Hey girl are you a pilot cause uh you’re really cool"

-Absolutely will find clothes that he thinks suits your style and be your #1 hypeman 

Soldier:

-Wants to touch all the buttons

-"SHOW ME YOUR MEDALS!!!!!!"

-Does respect the effort and time you’ve put into training definetly. But is always asking you to prove yourself

-Okay you can pilot but can you do 30 pushups. Right here right now.

Pyro:

-Doesn’t think of you any differently if you’re female

-A new cool friend!!

-Just an adorable little goober. Okay maybe they get to sit in the front sometimes

-Loves loves loves making drawings of you and them and planes!!!! And clouds

Heavy: 

-Protective older brother.

-He is SO overprotective of you. You remind him too much of his sisters.

-You’re strong just like them but,, it’s just scary, y’know? He misses them

-Often just kinda chills around- and won’t stand for ANY harassment or anything rude. AHEM spy AHEM

-And the clear bias for you? It’s honestly funny at times

-He definetly makes you sandviches and just. Silently takes care of you

Engie:

-Rocket boosters for the planes. He’s gonna bring it up on multiple occasions

-Makes you little plane trinkets out of wood and stuff!! Pyro paints them :]

-Is so interested in infodumping about mechanical stuff with you- he’s glad he has somebody that just. GETS HIM yknow?

-If you need someplace to go chill away from the chaos that the mercs usually bring, the workshop’s your go-to. Late night convos are the best with this man

Demo:

-Roughhouses!!

-Treats you like one of the guys

-Respectfully ofc but. You’re getting noogies

-Will be offering you beer n stuff, he treats you like a really good friend

-Lives for your vibes

-He thinks you’re so badass!! Hell yeah!!!

Medic:

-Kay so. You probably had to go through lots of training right?? So!;

-Rivalry for first aid.

-Hear me out

-Everyone all of a sudden wants you to help make them feel better when they get small injuries because of the one time you mentionned you had to do a buttload of first-aid courses

-So. Lots of who can make it to the scene and get (injured person) back on their feet the quickest

-Does ask you if you’ve ever expirinenced or witnessed anything wild- such as big crashes, and how people dealt with the situations

-Loves your stories despite pretending to hate you- it’s just a friendly rivalry!

Sniper:

-He’s not one to really apprach you, but he does definetly admire you from a distance.

-He thinks you’re too cool for him :( 

-But eventually one day, you’ll ctach him stargazing- and you’d have the amazing idea of bringing him for a ride just the two of you so that you can see the stars

-.God maybe he just fell in love I MEAN WHAT????? ANYWAys

-He LOVES stargazing with you!!

-You get to tell eachother stories and it’s overall really calming- a nice from the hectic mercenary life

-He also happens to know a fair bit about constellations, so he’ll infodump unconsiously if you let him :) 

Spy:

-Spyyyy… dislikes your ideals, and has traditional values

-Not a fan of the way you hold yourself, but will eventually warm up a bit

-Im sorry,, I just don’t like Spy aheh anyways

-You probably end up showing off your skills- not of purpose though, just- you seen a natural at what you do, and that’s when he sees that maybe there’s a reason you’re such a big deal

(Bonus!) All:

-They all fight over who gets to sit in the passenger seat. Some are more civil about it, for example Engineer or Heavy- but they still want to sit in the front for their own reasons. You may have walked into the room only to find all the mercs fighting iver who’s calling shotgun for the next ride.

“I AM GOING TO PRESS ALL THE BUTTONS!”

“NO WAY CHUCKLEFUCK, I’M SITTIN’ NEXT TA THE HOT CHICK!”

“No. Heavy will sit next to pilot for protection. Is only fair.”

“Ya’ll- I have some things I’d like to see up close in the cockpit, I think I should be next.”

“Mmhhph!!!”

.

.

.

Sep.20.23

[inky-here]

tf2 mercs playing beat saber because i love the game

Scout: songs with less than 3.50 notes per second bore him, but he doesn't do that good with pattern changes, so he usually plays sped up songs on Hard, occasionally some Expert ones. he has crazy stamina and can play these fast songs until the headset's battery runs low. very competitive.

Soldier: he always puts his everything into every note, which is extremely tiring, so he usually plays Normal difficulty songs, one or two on Hard every once in a while. he finds it pretty fun, and when the others compete, he usually joins in. when he's tipsy, he'll sing along with the music.

Pyro: (let's pretend a headset can fit over their mask for a minute) they're just there for the vibes, and they love the funky colours and backgrounds of the maps. they don't even need to play the songs, Engie often downloads them modded maps that just focus on the surroundings and it's enough for them. they also enjoy watching others play.

Demo: he's dogshit at the game when he happens to be sobered up, and the drunker he is the better he gets, but the less energy he has for it. one evening he can beat three Expert+ levels in a row and pass out on the couch, other evening he'll play songs on Hard for the entire evening. he's down for a friendly competition.

Heavy: it's not his idea of fun, but he won't walk out when others play, he's content to just sit nearby and watch the casting from the headsets, he'll play a few levels on Normal just for the fun of joining in, but he won't play unless someone asks him to, nor will he play it on his own in his free time. not competitive at all.

Engie: he's crazy good at the game, pretty much the only person in base who can keep up with Scout's preferred song speeds and difficulties. he'll compete with him too, he's not hell-bent on winning but he's not gonna go easy on him. mostly plays Expert and Expert+.

Medic: Medic is the opposite of Scout - he does really well with different patterns, but has trouble keeping up if it's too fast. will SS rank most maps on Hard and slower maps on Expert. does try a slowed down Expert or Expert+ level every once in a while. not very competitive when it comes to this, but when others compete and he has the time for it, he'll join in, and he will laugh at whoever he happens to beat.

Sniper: Sniper is a very casual player, he plays songs on Hard difficulty with the occasional Normal or Expert. he's super stiff when playing, but when he has a drink or two he loosens up. he'll also join a friendly competition if it goes on, but he can't play for too long because the lights hurt his eyes.

Spy: Spy will say this is beneath him and not join the others when they're playing, but truth be told, he tried it once, got his fancy shirt sweaty, failed the level and hasn't wanted to try it again since. when others play, he might hover nearby and point out how goofy they look to the outside world though.

[gingerale13]

bribery

Transcript:

"Herr solider can you help me carry the new organ shipment boxes"

"IF YOU THINK I'LL TAKE ORDERS FROM A--"

"I'll give you an airhead, 3 skittles and a tootsie pop"

"YESSIR!"

[cluelessatthispoint]

Which Mercs Give the Best Hugs

Scout (3/10)

His hugs are awkward and depending on whether or not he just came back from battle he may be a little stinky and sweaty. Still, his hugs provide comfort. He uses way to much Axe body spray. *He will of course brag to his fellow teammates that he hugged you*

Medic (4/10)

Medic is a very strange hugger. He doesn't understand why you want a hug from him. But if you ask for a hug who is he to deny such a request. His hugs are short and awkward. When his arms wrap around you you feel like the safest person in the world. The feeling of safety soon leaves when he says that he will give you a check-up. Just to be safe.

Sniper (2/10)

He only ever hugged his parents. When you ask for a hug you will get a weird side hug. His lanky arms pull you in softly and bring you close enough to smell his aftershave. Sniper is unfortunately not much of a hugger.

Soldier (6/10)

If you want a hug then he will give you what he calls the "Good Old Fashioned American Hug". His hugs can feel one of two ways. One is the bear-crushing hug where it feels like he will crush your spine. The other is a soft hug that seems to last for hours...because it does. He won't let go of you until you convince him that you feel better.

Pyro (6/10)

Pyro is a great hugger, if he likes you, he will hug you and sit in silence for hours. It gets a little creepy after a while but that's what happens you you ask for a hug. If Pyro doesn't like you don't expect any hugs. His hugs are warm and comforting. He kind of smells like gasoline and what can only be described as cotton candy.

Demoman (8/10)

Great hugger, and smells like alcohol. When his arms wrap around you, it's just the both of you at that moment. He respects your privacy, if you don't want to talk about whatever's bothering you he won't ask. Or if you simply wanted a hug then he'll give you a great big Scottish hug.

Engineer (7/10)

Don't be fooled by his short stature, his hugs can be strong. He'll give you a short strong hung and a few pats on the back and guide you to the nearest seat so you both can have a chat. He gives those "dad hugs" that are just the best.

Heavy (9/10)

He gives strong, gentle, and firm hugs. The only downside is that he doesn't give out hugs all the time. But when he hugs it feels like being a child again.

Spy (0/10)

Scout says that he's allergic to hugging. Instead of a hug, Spy will just listen to whatever you have to say and offer tissues. If you wanted a hug for literally no other reason besides wanting a hug he will use his invis watch and leave.

[luxy-the-art-blog]

RAAAAWRGE MY HYPER-FIXATION IS IN THE CHARACTER-SHEET PHASE

It was more so a study but this was fun :)

[prettyboypistol]

How mercs would react after having a wet dream

TF2 Mercs' Wet Dreams! ||TF2 x M!Reader|| +18 obviously

Scout

He imagines you shirtless and on his bed all cheesy porno style, you coax him over and pull him to the bed, kissing over his chest and murmuring about just how badly you need him.

He loves dreaming about you riding him and sucking him off, especially when you suffocate him in your chest and hold him close.

He has a recurring dream of you breathing heavily, panting out "Scout, Scout! Scout!" as you jerk yourself off as you ride.

Cums in his sleep and jerks off in the morning, sneaking away to wash the sheets early that morning.

Soldier

Solly is inspecting your dress code and orders you to attention for the formal inspection.

"Private! Will you do anything for your country?" "Sir, Yessir!" "No matter the cost, will you defend this base?!" "Sir, Yessir!" His voice a little quieter, yet slightly commanding as he leans into you. "Then show your major just how much you need his lead."

God, he loves imagining you in formal military dress as you kneel before him, praising his battle tactics and mouth full of dick.

Doesn't cum in his sleep, but it's a 70-30 shot that he'll grunt your name into his pillow as he ruts against his mattress.

Pyro

They imagine you as an angel, dawned in gloarious robes and with a halo and wings. Pyro isn't worthy- not a monster like them that can barely stay sane- yet you invite them forward and kiss their mask's forehead as you hike up your robe to expose yourself. "It's alright darling, you can touch me."

Secretly, Pyro wants to deflower you. They know you're probably not a virgin, but the idea of spoiling your virginity is so hot to them. The first one to touch your body, the first one to ruin you.

Pyro kneels and nuzzles your thighs in reverence as they touch you the way they desire. Their touches leave purple-black marks wherever they touch, actually staining you with sin. They feel so guilty about ruining an angel like you, but you're allowing them to!

Pyro does cum in their sleep, whimpering and writhing against their suit.

Demoman

Tavish's wet dreams start out like normal dreams- in a bar, drinking his heart out back in Scotland with his friends. Then he sees you from across the room. You give him a look that invites him over as you bite your bottom lip.

"Hey there sexy, you look like you could use some company." You flirt, petting Demoman's bicep. Tavish laughs and escorts you to the back of the bar, magically turned into a nicer bedroom as he lays you down.

It's a bit of a haze, but Tavish remembers thrusting into you and imagining how tight you mush be, he dreams about fingering you open with the hilt of eyelander if he's feeling a little fantasy-based rather than in the year of the lord 1971.

Sometimes he dreams of you fucking him, and those are the dreams that wake him up to stained sheets.

Heavy

In the cold russian nights, you knock on the door asking for a place to stay. Mikhail ushers you in and offers you a warm bath, which you graciously accept. Little do you know that there is a little hole in the wooden walls, where Heavy keeps an eye on you.

Mikhail touches himself to the sight of your naked back, as you seen to have the same idea in the bath, reveling in the now warm touches of your hands against your skin.

He hears you moan out his name as you masturbate, and that only fuels his fire more. He usually climaxes to a particularly loud and desperate begging from your lips.

Wakes up with a raging boner that he mostly will ignore, but will rarely take care of himself to the thought of you.

Engineer

You're kidnapped, tied up by the enemy- but you're naked and begging for someone to touch you! Engie is there to rescue you, but you look so handsome all vulnerable like that- you understand, don't you, darlin'?

Dell fucks you as you're tied up in the chair and mutters dirty things that make his sleeping body blush as he promises to fuck you in every way he can as he fucks you like a desperate man.

The feeling of your tightening around him and begging to let you cum, please don't call him daddy, he'll stain his sheets!

Is massively ashamed to touch himself when he's awake to thr thought of his coworker

Medic

You. On his operating table. Bound by the belts and struggling to escape as your dick is hard and tied with a little bow at the base. "To Medic" the gift tag says. Wouldn't it be rude to not use a gift?

He imagines you drunk on lust as he injects both you and himself with an aphrodesiac. Hazily, you two fuck on base instincts for hours as he shoves his cock deep into you over and over again, orgasm after orgasm until he was thoroughly used.

But you break your restraints, pin him against the table and fuck him from behind. It's your turn to use him like the cocksleeve he knows he is. Use him like a fleshlight, just as rough as you always imagine!

Doesn't cum in his sleep but jerks off into a test tube for research purposes later.

Spy

You and Spy are making out in his smoking room before you lay him down onto the couch, unbuttoning his suit and kissing all the skin you can reach as you undress him.

You finger him lazily with one hand, pouring him a glass of wine with the other. The glass is left on the side table as you suck hickeys into his thighs before you thrust into him.

It starts off slow- as it always does, you're always gentle at first- then you pick up the pace, drilling into him with reckless abandon as you chase your pleasure.

Spy sleepily jerks himself off from over his pyjama pants, more asleep than awake as he dreams of you absolutely wrecking him.

Sniper

He imagines you fucking yourself with your fingers in his Sniper Nest, holding his shirt close to you. You fuck yourself stupid as you moan out "Mundy, oh god, Mick- please fuck me!"

Mick loves watching, just like the creep he is. He loves the shame of watching someone through a sniper scope, even if he's not watching intimate moments like that. During missions, he likes to rub one out as he watches people do mundane things.

He fucks his fist in his sleep to the sight of you seducing him- the idea of you wanting him just as much as he wants you drives him insane.

[ruthytwoshakes]

Hot To Go by Chappell Roan is THE PyroScout song. Those butches would dance to this in the commons room idk what to tell you

[emilythedog661-tf2]

also do you have any head canons of what instruments the mercs play? just asking :D

Scout - Bongos and Drums

Soldier - Trumpet and Trombone

Pyro - Triangle, Xylophone and Cymbols

Demo - Bagpipes and Piano

Heavy - Tuba and Drums

Engineer - Guitar, Banjo, Brass Guitar and Electric Guitar

Medic - Violin, Accordion and Viola

Sniper - Saxaphone and Guitar

Spy - Accordion, Picclo, Recorder and Flute

That what i think the mercs can play and i'm sure i'm missing some that would suit them but that's all i can find 😋

[peachfreak1750]

✨Red Engineer head cannons✨

Killing comes easily to Dell because…Well he grew up killing. His dad made him kill farm animals and dogs before he was even able to hold a shotgun up. His dad also made him kill people who were considered a “problem”.

Dell has a mom but he doesn’t talk about her because she was lobotomized, I’m thinking about it like Honey Sugarman from Bojack Horsemen. I don’t think he remembers what she was like before the operation but a lot of his fears and mental illnesses come from her.

He’s scared of the dark because when he was a kid he was locked in a room with a corpse and it was pitch black. If he tells the story he swears it moved and spoke to him. Dell was a strange kid and used to see things and the dark made that worse.

He loves the rain but hates lightning, the flashing sends him into a state of panic but he is very good at hiding it.

When Dell was a kid he was really skinny especially compared to his twin brother who was a beef cake. Dell eventually caught up with him but he was not originally the strong one.

Engineer is not a romantic and he doesn’t like feeling like a teenager with dating. Engineer likes romance but it makes him feel awkward and he likes feeling sure of himself and his emotions so he rarely does super romantic things.

He is an atheist and he doesn’t care what anyone says.

He took off his own arm to replace it with the gunslinger and he tells the story to show how serious he is about his work but what he doesn’t say is that when it happened it was mental breakdown gone very very wrong.

Engineer is the dog of the administrator and she literally owns him in every way.

The U.S government initially rejected his respawn tech and to prove that it worked he shot himself and came back moments later.

He loves poker and chess, he was also on the math team and fucking destroyed people in rugby.

He is a twin and has a younger brother. He acted like the eldest. Engineers twin brother was originally the one who was going to continue the family name and business but when he was paralyzed it fall onto Engineers shoulders. Dells younger brother was a con man and was the father to Pyro, after the house fire that was caused by Dells brother Dell took Pyro in and his brother was put in jail.

I think his right eye was taken out in battle and he replaced it with a mechanical one that isn’t noticeable unless it’s dark then you can see how it glows.

Strangely I feel like he loves opera? Idk it’s just true!

…I love him ♥️

[snowed-leopard]

I dont’t know if y’all are down for 1600 words of only slightly jargon filled and incredibly niche headcanons, but here we go?

The mercs go sailing! (And also boating / paddling in general. They deserve the options.)

(There’s a small glossary of terms, and reference photos of the boats I’m thinking about and mentioning at the end for your convenience. Please note I’m a pretty amateur sailor and I’ve prolly explained or typed something wrong) ((yes it got nerdy enough I felt a glossary was warranted, I’m sorry))

scout: Oh dear god this man is gonna be a mess until he gets it but when he does he goes ZOOMIN. put him in a sunfish or a racing boat, like a catamaran. first time he's on a steep heel he screams like a baby but when he realizes it means more speed he's totally down, hook him into that cat's trampoline straps and eat his sea spray, bitch. (He does not care that they are on a freshwater lake, it’s sea spray in his heart) he's a chronic capsizer in a sunfish though because he keeps overcorrecting when trying to catch all the wind he can. He is banned from the motorboats for reckless behavior and roughhousing enough to nearly send poor pyro and demo overboard. Gets sent up the mast on one of the bigger boats to fix a light on the top of the mast and nearly shits his pants despite being very assuredly safe.

heavy: he honestly would probably run the motor boats the most, but if there had been a chance for one of the really large sailing vessel (40-70ft) where he actually has room to move, he would be down. hes mostly just reading and fishing out beached or turtled mercs. occasionally drafted into helping scout unflip bc heavy actually weighs enough to leverage the daggerboard right, unlike scout, because he keeps filling his sail with water and making more effort to right the boat. He’d be a saint if he could work the 30 footers when they’re pulling the halyards to turn because he’d be able to pull those so well, is weary of the boom from his height

demo: he's chilling on a flat bottomed fishing boat napping and fishing for most of the day, but he periodically goes out in a canoe with sniper to catch some fish separate from the motor boat, and also mess around. his balance is just messed up enough that later in the day he can't really do any of the 20 foot boats and definitely not a sunfish, but if you catch him earlier in the day he'd probably manage a nice trip in a 20 footer. He gets a little rowdy on the big 30 foot and tries to swing around on the side stays while horsing around with scout and as the boat jerks, he totally falls. it was inevitable one of the men would do he just ended up the unlucky bastard to be the center of the man overboard drill

Engie: splits his time fishing on the motorboat and messing around with all the boats, he does a little of everything, he most of all likes the 20-30 footers because he can calculate out all the rope tensions and physical at play in the down moments between turns without having to worry too much. He does enjoy the quiet of being alone in the sunfish tho, the rest of the boys joke he just likes it because they’re the same size as him (small).

 thinks about how much speed he’d need to run them over with in said sunfish to make them quit. Barely refrains. He is incredibly interested in tinkering with the motors on all of the sailboats and motorboats to see how he could improve their efficiency. Refrains on basis of not wanting to kill them and wreck the boat

sniper: snipes is mostly kayaking around away from everyone's chaos to do some fishing and birdwatching, probably hops on the 20 footer with demo for chill times, hates the sunfish because he kept getting hit by the boom because he was too tall to bend under it when turning and couldn’t rig it higher up and medic got tired of coming back in and taking care of the head wounds. He is having a grand time when scout’s not harassing him in the sunfish. But he does get very accurate at using his paddle to splash scout. Comes in with the biggest haul of fish, crabs, prawns, and inexplicably, 3 turtles, a duck, and a righteously confused snapping turtle for everyone to grill up at the end of the day.

pyro: on the catamaran with scout zipping around. heard the boat had a trampoline, was sorely disappointed, but is bouncing on it anyways. does not like the sunfish because swimming in their suit isn't fun when they don’t anticipate it and they kept tipping before they got the hang of it. bizarrely good at tying the knots for the lines though, no one knows how they manage this though their gloves. got heavy to drive the motor boat really fast while they sit on the front and despite how rough it is (you slam up and down a little when you go really quick) they are hooting and hollering and having the time of their life. Nearly lost the sunhat they brought along and cried. Sniper has to dive down in the lake to retrieve it for them.

spy: this man absolutely used to competitively race, he yearns for his old racing boat back in france, gets over it by trying to teach the others the noble art of it, scout is the only one who tries and races and they get along oddly well once they get past scouts incessant ability to turtle sunfish. he's also on the 20 footer a lot because it reminds him of his old boat (he brings it up at every opportunity, very insufferable about it) he can absolutely do all of the fancy knot tricks that are a bitch and a half to master. Will rant about boat maintenance and design. Very Opinionated about what makes some boats ugly or beautiful. One of the only times he gets down and dirty is to maintain or repair the boats and their motors. He surprises engineer majorly with his knowledge.

medic: mostly likes the big 30 footer but does not mind going on the kayaks once or twice. gets a little wild with the helm (steering) commands, gets very dramatic with it. most likely to get sea sick to me, he also manages to scamper around rigging with far more grace than you would think. He is utterly enamoured with the various ways these boats can and have injured people though. He finds the interiors of the larger ones quite cozy and likes the design. The birds love following him around as he sails and stretching their wings, nestle back on him when they get tired. It gives him a fucked up pirate vibe with the chilling grin and bloody dove from sitting on snipers head on his shoulder.

soldier: oh goodness, have you ever wanted more naval trivia? because this man has all of it, correct and not. used overhand knots as stopper knots on the sails (derogatory) and gave spy a conniption because of it. he's lookout on the bigger boats because he wanted to "command the largest of their naval fleet" he has an impressive ability to know the wind and gauge its changes and how to keep the right point of sail (how your sails are set up) he's very "old eccentric sailing guy" to me. He is a beast at charting and piloting (positive) and can do dead reckoning math (slightly complex little bit of locational determination based on what’s around you at what angle and speed) with surprising ease. Excellent at doing knots, uses them wrong. (He’s doing that part intentionally to give spy grief. Whoever said solly couldn’t have a little fun?)

sunfish, little 1-2 people boat, about 14 feet long, very nimble, but flip (and luckily unflip) easily. Need lower wind speeds because itty bitty (not my personal fave to sail, but incredibly popular still, they’re not bad I just prefer larger less flippy boats)

catamaran: two hulled boat, used a lot for racing, has a web like a trampoline stretched between them, with straps sewn on so you can slide your feet under to not fall, or clip yourself right onto one of the side stays. 1-3 people ish (incredibly fun to sail, seem like they’re slow until they grab the wind right then you’re gone. I know a dude with a hilarious custom sail for his)

20 footer: general term im using for all the medium sized 2-6 person sailboats of abt this length (this specifically I’m showing here is a Chrysler buccaneer 18! IRL I’m working to repair one currently)

30 footer: like above, but these are up to maybe 8 or more people, minimum of 4 ish though for the sake of control in my very non expert opinion (what I’m specifically showing here is a tartan 30, which I also routinely sail! Ours is a piece of shit with a busted internal motor so we bolted a comparatively tiny one to the back. and I lover her anyways, we call her water rat even though that is most definitely not her name)

heel: when you’re boats at an angle in the water relative to the water, how flat or angled you are, having this is good! It means you’re catching a lot of wind and less boat in the water means less drag (you can see it in the catamaran pic)


daggerboard: a removable board in small boats like sunfish, (exists in other forms in larger boats) that points straight down and keeps the boat moving in a straight line, it pokes out the bottom and when you flip you pull down on this with all your (and your partner’s if you have one) weight to right your boat again. Do it fast or your sail will fill with water like a scoop and make it harder.


sidestay: mostly on 20 ish and up size boats, part of the system of metal cables that put tension on your mast to keep it pointed up straight, one of the things u can hold on (never hold onto rope) on a boat for stability part from handles and safety lines


boom: the metal pole running parallel to the deck of the boat at the bottom of the main sail, it's called a boom because when you turn, and it swings to the other side of the boat with the sail, and if your head is in the way well… it sounds like boom. Gives concussions even on sunfish, the power of metal tuning, and speed.


halyards: the lines you pull on the big boats when turning, have enough tension that they need winches to tighten and take in often times

[tf2shit]

Huzzah, I’m not ded!!!-

here’s my version of the good ol mercs lol