#putting it under a readmore just to be careful but its short bc i know us!!!!

[courfeyracs-swordcane]

I JUST SAW UR REBLOG RESPONSE THING. I NEED TO ASK WHO IS HORATIO SLEEPAWAY IM REALLY CURIOUS NOW .

OH BOY GAMEY YOUVE ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS GUY SO HARD ALL WEEK

(before and after getting dumped + watching his friend drown + becoming a single father)

he’s so wildly dog coded. he’s the ghost of a rabbit. he’s the single father of two teenagers age 22. he got dumped when he was 19 and never got over it. he’s an autistic freak. he can’t drive. he got skinned alive and we just kind of forgot about it. I made a music video and a teaser trailer for it about him.

Music video is at the bottom bc it makes more sense w the lore but here’s the trailer!

(lore under the readmore bc I can talk forever about this guy)

He’s one of a couple of prequel characters to the sleepaway campaign my friends and I never actually wound up playing last year!

He’s lived at the camp since he was 18 and ran away from home on his birthday to work there, he’s got a cabin just off the grounds and odd jobs he splits with the other off-season caretaker Laertes, who’s another former camper in a similar situation but with his younger sibling Chandra to take care of and put through boarding school. They’re besties. Laertes my beloved. He sees death omens. (@wildfandom open invitation to come talk about your boy)

Unfortunately, the next summer, a (the) Hitchhiker comes into camp, and he fell for him Fast And Hard because he’s nothing if not gay and stupid. Hitchhiker is obviously INCREDIBLY sus, but he asks Horatio to run away with him at the end of the summer and. ofc. he agrees. So when the day comes he packs up all his effects and goes to wait at the spot on the highway where the Hitchhiker had said he was gonna pick him up. And he waits. And he waits. And he waits. And he waits. And the Hitchhiker never shows.

So he just kind of never gets over that and is so fucked up about it that he doesn’t really leave the camp at all for the rest of his life 😬😬😬

Anyway from there the supernatural bull shitt situation at camp just keeps getting worse— eventually culminating in an eclipse and a storm, when Laertes rushes out to bring back one of the campers who’d wandered off into the woods, manages to deposit him in his and Chandra’s cabin, and when he goes back out in search of any other campers, he’s surrounded by the wolves of the woods— they with too many eyes and shadows too long— and eventually goes to take refuge the only place they can’t follow him, dragging a rowboat down the beach into the lake and paddling out as far as he can against the waves. (There’s a couple other things going on but that’s playbook details mostly)

And while all this is happening, Horatio does a headcount of all the campers still inside, and it’s one short. Chandra is unaccounted for, and Laertes is still outside. So ofc he goes out to look for them, and finds Chandra at the edge of a clearing overlooking the lake just in time for him to hold them back from jumping in after as they both watch Laertes’s rowboat capsize and him fall beneath the waves. And the storm clears.

And after that Horatio takes over looking after Chandra, he sets up the loft for them and they move into his cabin. They trawl the lake, but they don’t find Laertes.

They make it work. He teaches them how to ride a horse 😌

Eventually Chandra finds the kid Laertes had gone out to bring back just kind of wandering in the woods again so they bring him home and then Horatio has two kids!! :)

And then after that the supernatural shit starts to get worse again and Horatio knows the Lindworm is gonna make its move, so he starts getting ready. He teaches Chandra to shoot. He gives Wallace his hunting knife. He sits up every night standing guard on the porch with his rifle across his knees and when the time comes he looks the Lindworm head on, looks back at Chandra one last time, hopes they know he’s proud of them and he’s sorry to leave them alone again, and he raises his [ambigous weapon it depends on the mood you’re in— it’s a sword in the music video, iirc it’s a spiked bat in canon, it’s whatever you want it to be] and he charges directly into the setting sun, into the Lindworm’s mouth to take it down from the inside. And as the last high noon sounded, mordred rode his rotten world into the sun etc etc etc

You can’t permanently kill the Lindworm, obviously, but he does enough damage to hold it off for the next ¿10?ish years until our actual campaign timeline, in which Horatio appears as one of the paper thin hares, which is basically the ghost of a rabbit that functions as an occasional guide for our pcs. Also the Lindworm, notable Stranger TMA Ass Bitch, has his skin and very probably would bring that out to puppet around but we never actually played the game so technically that didn’t happen.

Anyway. Here’s the music video.

Also there’s a post-canon au where after Laertes comes out of the lake he winds up hitching his boat up to the hitchhiker’s motorcycle and they have a Weird Gay Road-trip about it and Hareatio judges them so hard but like. Glass houses.

[aaghht]

Usagi Chronicles and reviews

I'm watching Usagi Chronicles reviews and there seems to be this general misconception around the internet that netflix somehow took the idea of a usagi TV show and muddled up the possibility of a direct adaptation? Or are people just mad that it's not their idea of a Usagi series? Like of course youtube reviews are going to be full of strange outrage and misplaced cricicisms over cartoons so I can't take those seriously, but even just fandom chatter sometimes has this idea going around that it's somehow a bad series for not adhering to the comic 100%. Or sometimes I’ll see other viewers’ comments like “it had so much potential but it could have been better”. I thought I’d collect my thoughts on this using references I’ve seen around before, such as interviews and articles with Stan Sakai and others. I don’t really agree with this view that the show has to be bad for not getting a “perfect” vision or adaptation and I don’t really believe that it squandered any “potential” either.

Like I think this show is super interesting to look at from a “how it was made” kind of perspective. The story and art are actually pretty good imo and the music really feels like it ties it all together by adding to the mood and setting + for carrying a lot of the series from an emotional POV. Yeah, it falls a bit short on some aspects but overall it’s a pretty fun series. Whatever you might personally know about animation or tv series making, it looks like a lot of care was put into this Samurai Rabbit cartoon.

EDIT(10.02.2023+27.03.2023): under a readmore bc this got way too long, but u should definitely check out these interviews if u still think the show didn’t respect Sakai’s original world and vision, or if u wanna write your own review one day but don’t know anything abt how the show was made.

Interviews/articles:

Filmschool Rejects (article), April 2022 The Popverse (interview), May 2022 Stan Sakai and the Usagi Chronicles | Comic-Con@Home 2021 Comic Book Couples Counseling (podcast interview), May 2022 Traversing the Stars (video interview), Jul 2022

Stan Sakai has said in at least 2 interviews that what got him on board was the view of Neo Edo painted by Khang Le (art director on series, check his work out on his website) - when no other idea suggested so far appealed to him. So this means he was on board with the show and approved of it. even if the concept is essentially a spinoff/alternate universe to older fans (it started off as based on or taking ideas from Sakai's Senso miniseries). What I like most about the series is that it seems to be respectful about both old and new japanese culture albeit being set in a semi-futuristic Edo-style re-imagining of the feudal japan that Sakai writes in Usagi Yojimbo. Stan Sakai was involved in the making of it so it cannot be in any other way. I've seen some american animated shows in the past which have approached this "culture inspiration" differently, sometimes even in ways where it feels weird or disrespectful. This show even has an all-asian english main cast, and japanese-american composer Aiko Fukushima has made the soundtrack for it, which I feel is a little rare to see. But hey, I'm european asian, not US asian so maybe I'm seeing all that in a different way here.

Like it kinda feels like ppl got stuck on previous animated versions and their own idea of what an adaptation/series should be. I know many were probably looking forward to a faithful animated adaptation but things are what they are and feels a bit unfair to say that what we got somehow took away from that chance. Like it is just one show.

yeah ok, it's aimed at children and it sorta pulls its punches on the tone and seriousness. but that doesn't have to be a bad thing? Having a "media tent" for younger viewers can mean that there'll be new readers introduced to the original comic series through this cartoon. It's also obvious to see that the people working on this are also fans of Sakai's work and wanted to make something fun, despite any tv animation limits, so I sorta wish people saw that more.

Or even more down the line is people saying it mucks up Sakai's vision about the comic series. Like. He is listed as "executive producer" and every design, script and decision went through him first. From interviews it sounds like he had a lot of trust in the team, to make something he would also like. It's ok to dislike the show for various reasons, as we do with all shows but at least respect that the comic author himself has approved of the series.

like im not saying people are saying all this directly, just various sentiments I've seen in reviews, boards and social media etc, but I feel like this misunderstaning is behing the reason why ppl dunk on the show and characters so easily? Of course, as someone who is still reading the comic series (have read a few comics, but not enough to know everything about it), maybe I just have a very limited view on this as someone who happens to like the tv show itself too. I love the art and storytelling in the comic but I also really like the animated series just for what it is.

Maybe it's also that we as internet-goers have become even moreso accustomed to seeing, reviewing and thinking about our media in such a superficial critical way that we can't really share honest opinions without feeling the need to add "real criticisms" to what we say. I feel like that's a bit connected to the "outrage culture" mentioned at the beginning too but honestly this has been a problem abt cartoon/media reviews for a longer time already. Like it's valid to not like stuff but at least don't make stuff up about them

man... I should try writing my own review faster but I really want to see other reviews first (they are a slog to get thru bc I have trouble watching video reviews)

anyway.... lol just some semi-collected thoughts.

at the end of the day, for me personally, I just genuinely like this series and it brings me joy to see that the crew and cast and Sakai himself seemed to really enjoy making it too. It’s nice to see both from interviews and the show itself. maybe it just makes me a bit sad that I keep finding shows where I see that there’s goodness in it and then the majority of viewers I come across online find it different.... like yeah, it had potential for “more” but also what we got was good. I’m happy the show got made.

[brutuskovrov]

when: june 2nd, evening where: a warehouse, neutral territory status: closed for @reginadalys

He’s having a difficult week.

Well. Difficult might be an understatement, but this was supposed to be the cherry on top of the cake, something bright and shiny to talk himself out of a bad mood. This was supposed to be a victory, of a personal sort, both for the Montagues and for Boris, a way to eke himself back into the good graces of his kith slowly but surely.

This is Renata Gelli, and she is currently hemorrhaging her way to the end from a bullet in her body, if not already dead. He watches with a little tug of regret as red ichor bubbling from past her teeth and lips and gracelessly onto her chin, her neck, her pristine pressed shirt with flowers on the collar. She smells very suddenly of piss -- Boris isn’t sure if that’s because a bullet struck her in the bladder or if she was so terrified of death her body reacted without realizing. Or it’s the biological function of dying. He’s never looked into it. He knows it happens, sometimes.

Boris is also praying to God that he’s not next, which is why he has two hands up in a hold on gesture, staring at the woman on the other side of the warehouse, holding what very well may be a smoking gun. Ah, cherry on top.

Difficult week.

“Wait,” he says, and nothing else. No I can explain. No please. No I have a lot to live for, I’m very handsome, look at my cheekbones, I’ll make it up to you. Just a soft wait, as if that will make any real difference. At his feet, where Renata has crumpled to the ground like someone smashed her into pieces with a sledgehammer, her body makes a little gurgling noise. Spittle now joins bubbling blood. Her eyes twitch. Boris casts his gaze down. Maybe she isn’t dead. Huh. One’s thing for certain: no one is calling for help, at least not for her. If he were to call for assistance on his behalf, Boris doesn’t think anyone would come.

[redrobin-detective]

What do you think about nurse to patient ratios? I live in CA where nursing ratios are mandated by law and my sister, a nurse, says she can't imagine having to work somewhere without ratios.

Sorry you probably don't want this but I was stimming on this question all night bc I wanted to answer right away but restrained myself. You have been warned. Putting under a readmore because it got loooong also the general shittiness of my job rn.

NURSE TO PATIENT RATIOS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING AND CALIFORNIA IS THE ONLY ONE WITH A BRAIN. The important thing to keep in mind with N:P ratios is not only number of patients a nurse has at one time but also the acuity (sickness level) of a patient.

So, background. I am a stepdown medical ICU nurse in which we take medical patients who need higher monitoring than a standard floor bed but aren't sick enough for an ICU. In Covid America the new norm is the ICU is too full so they send us patients that really shouldn't be on our unit. Our hospital is mandated with N:P ratios. ICUs are 1-2 patients per nurse, floor beds can have up to 5 patients (which I think is insane even if they're super easy). My units ratio is 2-3 max. In the 2 years I worked on my unit pre covid, this worked out just fine. Sometimes you had bad days but overall I had time for lunch breaks, for chatting, for ensuring I'm doing proper patient care. The best way to describe how bad it's gotten is my day yesterday.

I walk on my 16 bed unit, 15 beds full, 1 open with a most likely ICU downgrade. We have 6 nurses for the daytime (fully staffed is 7). The night charge nurse (who serves as a unit resource/helper/organizer and also makes the assignment) is struggling on how to assign each nurse to a patient.

The one open bed ensures someone will get an admission but the unit wasn't Safe to admit a new sick patient. Out of 15 patients 8 (EIGHT) are trached, 3 of them are on the vent (4 is our max), 2 were known to be belligerent and exhausting to staff, 2 patients were decompensating and would probably need to go to the ICU at some point. 1 was a new admit overnight and thus a wild card, at least 4 were mildly confused and trying to fling out of bed/pulls at important medical devices without semi regular supervision. The night shift charge looked about ready to Die and was struggling to make a fair, balanced assignment.

As a charge nurse, I offered to help. We immediately petitioned our manager to close the open bed which was granted but only about an hour into day shift so night shift had no way of knowing if some poor sod would have to admit. I was the most experienced nurse on the floor that day (including day charge) save a travel nurse. Now about charge, the ideal is keep them out of the numbers (no patients) but with acuity rising and being short staffed they're usually required to take at least one (3 patients to charge is the nightmare scenario, I've done it and its rough). Day charge got one patient so, by the math one nurse would either have to admit or possibly get to stay in a blessed 2 patient assignment.

I, a bit selfishly I'm big enough to admit, asked for the potential admit assignment bc the other option was a patient I had an exceedingly bad interaction with last week and wasn't in the mood for. I didn't think our manager would close the bed bc, with numbers rising, higher management has been pushing back on our ability to close beds. But miraculously! The bed was closed, no new patients coming in.

My assignment was a fairly stable ICU downgrade overnight who was trached, vented, but alert, able to turn on her own and very nice. My other was a sad confused cancer patient was tied down every which way to prevent himself from getting out of bed or pulling at his tubes, he had IV medications every half hour quite literally and just overall a mess. I busted ass all day yesterday, literally running the whole day but you know what? I provided damn good care to both my patients. My assignment was busy but SAFE. I had time to focus on my poor cancer patient and!!! Meaningfully make some progress in his treatment course instead of just maintaining because I had the time and energy to do my fucking job. So what's the problem, Robin?

The problem was, to ensure I had a safe assignment almost no one else on the unit did. Every other nurse I ran into looked frazzled and stressed. The other assignment I was supposed to get was nightmarish, the travel nurse looked so wearied and broken by the end. (My only consolation is she makes like triple my salary). I felt SO guilty yesterday bc even though my assignment was hard and I didn't sit down and eat until 4:30pm, I still arguably had the easiest time. And that's not safe, not for our health, not for nurse retention, not for our patients.

The staffing coordinator laughed in my face a few weeks back when I mentioned we were temporarily staffing for 8 nurses back in December/Jan when covid numbers spiked again. "How can you possibly expect me to find you nurses for 8 when I can barely keep you staffed for 7?" I sniped back that they can't expect us to take care of certified ICU level patients without ICU level staffing. She didn't say much after that.

So yeah, my hospital adheres to N:P ratios. I've never had to take a 4th patient and hope to god I never will. But the fact remains that 7 nurses for 16 beds used to be doable and its simply not anymore. My manager confided in me the other day that her boss told her if we try to hire any more nurses we will lose our travel nurses (5) which is insane because we're barely scraping by as it is. Our new nurses came off orientation around Oct/Nov and some of them are already telling me they're burning out and considering leaving after their 1 year contract is up. I want to tell them there's greener pastures but this is sadly the state of current hospital nursing everywhere.

Of nurses dropping out of the profession d/t lack of safety and exhaustion, of patients getting sicker and sicker because of covid but also!!! Lack of the dedicated, focused nursing care they need to get better (The amt of families who've screamed at me over the last year bc I'm not in their room often enough, I'm sorry I have 2 other patients who are also seriously ill I'm trying), every unit being backed up and overflowed and ICUs get preference over everyone else (in terms of budget, staffing, respect) so we're forced to take unsafe patients that I know we can't properly care for. It's so frustrating.

Everyone keeps saying we need a reckoning in healthcare. I say we're gonna get one whether we want it or not because something has to give. You can't punish and push your workforce for going on 3 years straight without consequence. I never thought I'd say March 2020 was the Easy Time bc I had resources and staffing and something of my mental health sorted. Nurses can't ethically strike but we can break and something, nationally, is going to have to be altered when we all collectively give out.

[weirdcursedvaultkid]

I would honestly find it easier to much better if Merula actually was part of R at this point, as she could have easily joined when she was younger and less aware of what R is and now she is stuck. But if she is like a double agent I find it harder to stomach, because MC is really hurt by this. And lying and gaslighting and keeping the truth from them is just hurting them more. The lies are more forgivable if she fears jailtime or is unable to leave R, as Azkaban is a huge human rights violation

god ok ajkdfh i feel like the biggest merula apologist let me first say i dont like how this is being handled at all i wish merula and mc could have an honest and open conversation about what the hell is going on. I wish mc could just confront her about what they saw without having to be sneaky and indirect about it and i wish merula could just tell mc what is going on with her right now and whats going on behind the scenes. but things are never that simple and easy now are they

under a readmore bc i ramble for a bit (i tried to keep it short but theres a lot 😭)

i think theres probably a legit reason WHY merula cant just tell mc whats going on . at least not right now. we dont know whats going on or what shes involved in currently. all we know is that merula has been under A LOT of pressure lately and thats probably contributing to the "mood swings" she mentioned

^^ this sounds literally so stressful for her if shes coming back worried. to me it almost seems like... merula is trying to protect mc in a way by keeping all this from them? and unfortunately that means she's going to feel like she has to lie and deny stuff and hide things from mc

i understand merulas defensiveness when mc is confronting her and not telling her the REAL reason they suspect her. as far as merula knew at that point in the convo.. mc doesnt know anything so to her the only reason mc suspects her is bc... shes being nice? bc she cared about a friend? bc she apologized? its honestly.. a little insulting not gonna lie. i can understand merula being hurt by this after everything her and mc have gone through (mc's not the only one being hurt here!)

the fact that she didnt react angrily as you'd expect her to and instead calmly explained herself and what shes feeling i think says A LOT

^^ this sounds like merula may be in way over her head so thats why im personally giving her the benefit of the doubt whether shes been a part of R for a while or if shes a double agent or something else entirely.. and im choosing to believe her when she says this.

also i will mention the game has rly been pushing this message of not everything being black and white and grey morality and making the player question what is REALLY going on here (im pretty sure this is coreys purpose as a character actually kajdfh)

i genuinely think merula has mc's, her friends', and hogwart's best interest at heart. i genuinely believe her when she says she has changed. i genuinely believe she is trying her best. she may not be handling it the best but the girls been thru a lot and is still currently still going thru a lot so i can cut her some slack. and yall dont have to if u dont want to ... im obviously biased here lol

and if im wrong about her. then ill be the first to put my clown makeup on lmao

[morinokunikara]

👀☁️💕👑🌗📚💎🔪🏡🏞️🥀🌼💐🦋🍂☕🍼🕊️❤️🔥❄️🌙☀️🌟 (for Kokoro

 swputting this one under a readmore

🌟 When your OC loses all hope, who do they turn to first? What helps make them feel better? What calms them down and reassures them? Why?

yuuki. she trusts him more than anyone else. usually doing exercise will help her mood, she just loves the feeling of a good workout so much and it provides a good distraction. also sometimes just seeing yuuki smile. she loves him and she knows hes been through so much and honestly his happiness means more to her than her own.

☀️ What makes your OC genuinely happy? A person, an item, their hobby? Where is the place they’re happiest, or most at home? What is the happiest they’ve ever been?

yuuki makes her more happy than anything else, although her clubs and friends in them do as well. winning games or a really good performance in a play will always bring a big huge smile to her face. she feels more at home in her clubs than at home, because most the time she cant get in a word with yuuki bc her parents are hogging her. 

happiest she ever was was when her family went to destinyland and they let her and yuuki walk alone together. they got some real bonding time, riding rides and getting dinner together, and then watching one of the fireworks shows. its the most time she ever got to spend with him without their parents getting in the way and she treasures it forever. 

🌙 If your OC could have one wish come true what would it be and why? Would there be consequences to this wish or would they regret it once they get what they want? What would they give in return for this wish to come true?

for her parents to pay attention to yuuki more, or just really. him being more loved in general. theres pretty much nothing that would make her regret it, and nothing she wouldn’t pay. she cares about him so so much and would give everything if it meant he was happy

❄️ What makes your OC sad, so sad that they can’t help but cry all day? How do they cheer themself up? Does their sadness upset any of their loved ones too?

any kind of failure, feeling like shes hated, hell sometimes just her parents praising her too much because she just gets so overwhelmed, and it makes her think too much about how ignored her brother is all the time. she usually goes out and practices her soccer or whatever show shes doing for theatre. she hides her sadness pretty well, but any of her family would be upset by knowing she’s sad (hence why she hides it)

🔥 If your OC known for having temper tantrums? If not, what gets them really angry? What makes their blood BOIL? Is there anyway to calm them down or are they unstoppable? What are they like when they’re angry? Do they take it out on their loved ones?

not at all. shes very patient and can put up with a LOT, but she will snap if someone is too mean to yuuki. i feel like she would eventually snap at her parents but she really tries as hard as she can not to bc she worries itll make things worse. bc shes so patient, when shes angry she gets so angry it can take awhile to calm her down

❤️ What would your OC’s ideal lover be like? Appearnce, personality, voice? Would their family approve or would it be civil war?

her one requirement is “respect me and my family.” shes not picky, but she does like athletic/buff types a bit more. 

🕊️ Would your OC ever get married or are they already wed? If they’re married, describe what their wedding was like! If not, describe their ideal wedding (or do this if you feel like it anyway!)

she has this big fancy idea of a dream wedding at destinyland, with a theme centered around classic romantic plays. 

🍼 Does your OC have any children or want children? What names would they pick? Are they good with kids or a complete disaster?

she does want kids, and she plans to name them all after extended family. with her strong value towards family and disappointment in her own parents, one of her biggest dreams is to raise a family with someone

☕ Give us one (or more if you feel like it) of your OCs deep dark secrets! Why do they keep it hidden? Spill the tea!

shes actually kind of miserable emotionally. she  it all up until she’s on her own, and then she just completely breaks down in her room. she’s had to lock herself in the restroom in public a few times bc one small thing will happen and it’ll just be the straw the breaks the camel’s back

🍂 What are their opinions on the different seasons? Which one do they hate and which one do they love and why?

she HATES summer but loves spring. its too hot in the summer to work out as much as she’d like. she doesn’t like winter much for the opposite reason of it being too cold, and is kind of neutral on fall. she thinks spring is prettier.

🦋 If your OC could change everything (or just something) about their life would they? What would they change? What do they think would happen if they did? What would their loved ones think?

oh yeah she’d def change a lot. give herself better parents that pay attention to their children equally, make herself less talented, anything that’ll get her less attention and yuuki more attention

💐 Does your OC like flowers? What are their favourites? Do they keep a garden of some sort? What flowers would they use in a flower crown? (and if you like, research the meanings behind those flowers!)

she loves flowers!!! her and yuuki have a garden together in their backyard... her crown would be azaleas (patience), hydrangeas (pride),  and spider lilies (sweet)

🌼 Write a short drabble from your OCs POV meeting their LI (or if they don’t have a love interest, their best friend. If you don’t want to do a drabble, describe their first meeting instead!)

(dont have the brain power for a drabble rn but) im 90% sure itd start with her accidentally kicking a soccer ball in someone’s face and then being like “oh fuck theyre cute”

🥀 Has your OC ever been hurt by someone they love? Ever been betrayed? Abused? Attacked? Give me the angst! (if you’d like, write a short drabble about it!)

not physically, but she got really hurt by yuuki once because of a misunderstanding. she talked about wanting to play volleyball at shujin and yuuki panicked because oh god know i cant let him get to her i have to protect her and she took him objecting to it as him being jealous and they got in a huge argument over it. she was so upset that, in her mind, yuuki was so bitter and jealous he wouldnt let her follow her dreams

🏞️ If your OC could travel to anywhere in their world where would they go? Why? If they could live there would they?

brazil!!! she’s heard a lot about amazing brazilian soccer players and wants to see it for herself. she would never want to live there though, or really anywhere outside of tokyo 

🏡 Describe your OCs ideal house! Give us a tour around! What’s their garden like? Their bedroom? Kitchen? Where is it and how many people live there?

a moderately-sized house for a small family of four, like the one she lives in. it’s decorated with the achievements of her family (trophies, art, etc). a kitchen big enough for the family to cook together, and a fancy dining room. lots of family photos on the walls and any available surface, and a family garden in the backyard. 

🔪 Has your OC ever killed someone? Ever had to defend themselves against violence? How did this make them feel? Or, alternatively, has your OC ever attacked someone? Seen someone die?

shes never been through any of that fortunately 

💎 Does your OC collect anything? Is there a reason? When did they start and is it beginning to turn into a little bit of a hoarding issue? What do they do with their collection?

she collects playbills and a few different sports trading cards!! the playbills started when she saw her first play at 5, and the trading cards at 8. she has several large folders for her cards and a big huge box for her playbills

📚 If your OC was given some kind of forbiddon knowledge, what would they do with it? Would they tell anyone? Use it for evil or good? How would it change their outlook on life, if at all?

shed keep it super super super secret... would do everything in her power not to use it at all, but if she did she’d use it for good. 

🌗 Early mornings or late nights? What do they spend their time doing during these hours?

early mornings!!! she goes for a short jog every morning before school, and then helps her dad with breakfast and sometimes drags yuuki out of bed if he oversleeps 

👑 If your OC was made royal (or is royal) how would they use their power? Are they a good leader or bad? Do their subjects like them or is it ‘off with their head’? Do they enjoy being royal?

shed be a very kind ruler, and try to listen to and solve all the problems she possibly could. so ofc shes very very loved. she doesnt like it though. she doesnt like having that much power, she feels its unfair. 

💕 How is your OC like with physical affection? What are their boundries? Do they enjoy being touched or is that a no-go? Is there any reason behind this?

she loves to cuddle with people, physical affection is one of her main love languages. she hugs yuuki every time he walks through the door. she doesnt want much beyond that though, at least at her age 

☁️ What’s something your OC wishes they could forget? Why is this? Or, what is something that your OC has forgotten? (or do both!)

she wants to forget her biggest screw up in her mind- when she was so nervous for a play (her biggest role at that point), when she got onstage she panicked and totally forgot her lines and just. completely froze. 

👀 Describe your OC through the eyes of another person! (bonus + specify who)

ofc i gotta do yuuki 

she’s an adorable and caring little sister he loves so much. he’s a bit jealous of her, but he doesnt blame her for anything. he just wishes he could be as good and loved as she is. 

[gildedjustice]

((Don't get me wrong; I like your YZ better, but I sometimes wonder if canon YZ is like Holly Blue. If maybe she doesn't understand humans cuz she thinks they're not smart enough to talk. I mean, like how Lars was talking & she just said that he was noisy.))

ooc. This is a little long, so its under readmore.

But the short answer is: I don’t think so.

Long Answer: I don’t think so, because…

The Diamonds can understand Connie.

Connie: We didn’t mean any harm! I asked Steven to dance; he wasn’t trying to cause trouble!Blue Diamond: What do you know about this, human?Connie[chuckles]: You think I’ve never been grounded before?Blue Diamond: “Grounded?”

Yellow Diamond: What are you talking about?! You can’t keep bending the rules for her, Blue. She has to set an example, and we have to set an example. If we bend the rules for her, we have to bend them for everyone!Connie: Well, maybe you should!

          Angered, but still ignoring Steven and Connie, she looks up at Blue.

In both instances, they react to what Connie has said. And they acknowledge it. Blue questions Connie, and Yellow fumes because of Connie’s retaliation.

And I don’t think it’s because they alone have the ability to understand humans.  Because then how do you explain Peridot understanding Steven in the kindergarten? Yes, Steven is half human, but I think it still stands. Peridot may have misunderstood what Steven had said, but she perfectly could comprehend him. So gems can hear what humans say perfectly.

Then what’s up with Holly Blue?

Well, to put it shortly, condescension.

And it makes sense. The ENTIRE episode Holly Blue talks down at gems she sees as inferior.

“Hideous off color betas” “Forgive them, they’re from Earth.” “You sorry excuse for gems.” “Worthless, sorry gems.” Including the yelling, hitting, blaming them for literally everything, etc. She was made to terrify, and she revels in it.

And as an extension, she also revels in looking down at humans, bc they are inferior in her eyes. They’re SO inferior that they’re in a ZOO. They are treated as entertainment but looked after as animals. And don’t get me started on this. The Zoo episodes are LITERALLY my absolutely most hated episodes. cuz guess what. humans zoos where a real thing :^) So Holly Blue just treats them as so. Incomprehensible, and something to not even acknowledge. That’s why she calls what Steven and Greg say as barking. She understands! But she doesn’t care. They’re not even something worth acknowledging.

So finally, to the point. Yellow Zircon most certainly did understand what Lars said. I’m of that opinion. And when she said that humans are loud, it was because. Well. He was yelling. Under no circumstance am I justifying her. I think her calling Lars loud was just because he was being a bother in the Trial, not because what he was saying was gibberish. Now, would she do something like Holly Blue? I… Don’t think so. I think she would be more of the type of actually acknowledge they are capable of speech. But more of something like, yes, they CAN speak, but nothing they say is of any value.

But since we’re talking about Canon YZ, I can’t say anything with certainty. We’ve literally had less than 2 minutes worth of screentime with her. So maybe she IS like Holly Blue. But from my thoughts and viewing, I am of the opinion that she isn’t. Although I do understand why some people associate the two. At first glance, they do seem rather similar. But do keep in mind, they are DIFFERENT. Subtle differences that I could also write about, but this is long enough sofjdsklfj

[tinycamembert]

Do u have... Maribella headcanons.. 👀👀

putting this under a readmore for everyone’s sanity. this is a lot and i know i left out stuff that i just think of randomly throughout the day lol so tbh i hope to go back and add to this

ok. maribella headcanons. y e s also thanks again for asking i could talk abt them forever lmao

so i have both sad and happy ones but like... the biggest one is that the way canon is going (even tho i know it wont happen bc lunabucket+the story is ending soonish) i just.... really see them getting back together, at least for a bit, some time after final match ends? everything was so unresolved and they obviously have. Tension and so bc they don't get closure after the breakup theyre just thinking abt each other. for two years. lmao.they were each other's first loves and that shit doesnt just go away easily so... like... if they wanted to fully move on i could see them getting back together for a bit (would they have broken up anyways if The Incident never happened? who knows) and then if it wasn't meant to be they break up and theN they can move on/date other ppl

anyways realistically i feel like that would happen but i know its not planned or w/e in the comic or bup so im just writing the au in my head ya know!!! anyways!! here are some miscellaneous headcanons/thoughts.

-since marian likes halloween i rly like the idea that bella is (aside from also being a big halloween fan bc it makes marian happy) a christmas fanatic (like taloupe is kfdkjf) and so she and marian support each others respective fav holidays in the fall and winter lol. theyre both a big fan of "ironically" wearing ugly sweaters this time of year but its not really ironic they both love them

-Marian def borrows Bella's sweatshirts a lot bc she likes wearing them oversized+likes wearing her gfs sweaters but also buys her own sweatshirts a size up sometimes so she and bella can share them

-marian visits bella a lot whenever she's working at the flower shop to keep bella company! she prolly brings her a coffee or something and just sits for a bit nd hangs out. watches her stronk gf lift boxes u know

-when theyre just standing around or w/e bella is the perfect height to rest her chin on top of marian's head so she just kinda stands behind her and chills. she also uses marian's head as an armrest bc its like the universal thing tall ppl do to annoy short ppl

-this one is sad sorry lmfao. for the two years or so after they broke up and didnt talk they would accidentally see each other in public all the time bc they frequented a lot of the same places when they were together. they pretend like they dont see each other but theyre both internally freaking out

-bella is super mushy and romantic but marian is generally embarrassed when it comes to that kinda stuff, so when they first date bella kind of hides/tones the romantic side bc she worries marian won't like it... but if they ever got back together i could totally see bella being a lot more openly romantic and marian becoming more comfortable w accepting romantic affection so. they just cuddle all the fucking time. theyre always holding hands. marian is still a little embarrassed tbh but she Loves Her Gf so who cares. bella brings her back a bouquet of 30 flowers from the shop just cause. they probs buy each other lil gifts all the time just bc it reminds them of the other person? they do that thing where they both go to surprise each other with coffees in the mornign and end up with four coffees.

-marian proposes bc bella is oblivious at picking up on the hints she's dropping.

-bella is SO AFFECTIONATE. i know i said it already but i gotta say it again. shes a cuddle monster who can bench press 160. she totally does dumb stuff just to get marian’s attention too like.... “marian are you looking haha marian look mari look hey hey look are you lookinG youRE NOT LOOKING. BABE. LOOK”. marian finally turns around and shes balancing a flowerpot on her head or something

-bella gives everyone nicknames bc she aussie so she has a million pet names for marian but also calls her mari a lot

i had a few other headcanons and i just totally forgot them so maybe ill add to them if they come to me? this is literally already almost two pages in a word doc im screaming. thanks for asking fdhskjfh

[silver-handed]

Keldrin and Nev for the uncommon questions :3c

a a a h i didn’t see this but I’m doing it now and puttin it under a readmore bc that is a lot

Keldrin

QUESTIONS FOR YOUR OCs

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

He can sit still forever if he has work or anything like that to do, but with absolutely nothing to do? I’d say a couple of hours, just people watching if there are others around, otherwise pacing

How easy is it for your character to laugh?

He can get a lil laugh pretty easy, but full on laughter is kinda rare for him now.

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

Because the fucker never sleeps/goes into his ‘trance’, he can go into it pretty easily whenever he finally does.

How easy is it to earn their trust?

It takes a long while to earn his full trust tbh

How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

Pretty easy, he doesn’t put trust in people by default. But to get him to never trust you takes something very dumb, or very cruel

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

Considering his profession, I’d say he thinks they are very, very flexible

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

The smell of rasberries and woodsmoke always remind him of someone he used to know. He likes it in the moment, it feels warm and lovely, but then he comes back and it just puts a deep pang of sadness and longing in his chest.

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child

Depends on the stage of his childhood, but usually to stop hiding or climbing shit, and start focusing

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

He swears a lot and nah, he thinks he was very very young tho

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them? 

hmmm, something along the lies of “I’ll get you and it will all be okay, I promise.” He knew when he said it that it was a lie, and it bothers him so much

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

One of two ways: presses for more info in the moment, or pretends he understands and then goes and researches it on his own so he does understand in the future

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

He normally rubs up against something if it’s somewhere like his back

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

Blacks and navy blues and he looks damn good in them

What animal do they fear most?

A turtle named Lucifer that really, truly, honestly wants to kill him even though he’s done absolutely nothing to it

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

If he has time to rehearse it in his mind then he does, but if he doesn’t then its whatever comes to mind first and then he frets over it and feels dumb forever afterwards

What makes their stomach turn?

Considering his line of work, not a lot really. Anything involving kids or drowning really bothers him, however.

Are they easily embarrassed?

By others? not really. tho every other time he opens his mouth or does something awkward he hates himself for an age.

What embarrasses them?

Misspeaking or messing up something simple he should be really good at. Also sexual stuff doesn’t embarrass him per se, but attraction directed at him from someone he is emotionally into? he’s so fucking awkward

What is their favorite number?

17. It just feels right

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

He’d think about it for a long while before just...laying it bare the way those emotions make him feel, describing it very much in something like levels of warmth he gets from each

Why do they get up in the morning?

Got a guild to run, people to repay (doesn’t matter if they’re alive or not), and pure spite

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?

He gets either broody or sometimes slightly passive aggressive, but reels it in pretty quick bc he doesn’t wanna make an ass of himself 

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)?

He gets a lil resentful, but tries to hush up about it

Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom? .

If it’s personal friends he’s know a while, sure. If its someone he’s going to sleep with but isn’t really into on an emotional level, sure. He’s not comfy speaking about it with anyone else tho, other than a long term partner.

What are their thoughts on marriage?

He’s been married in the past and very much enjoyed it, and he’d not hesitate to marry someone he truly, deeply loved

What is their preferred mode of transportation?

Walking or horseback riding. He loves the convenience of teleportation circles but he isn’t big on actually taking them

What causes them to feel dread?

Not hearing back from a member of the guild in time always sets him on edge, and when something bigger is uncovered by something that was supposed to be simple (Mr. Scratch, the painting, etc.)  

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth?

He always wants the truth, lying to him is one surefire way to either make him mad, or make him distrust you

Do they usually live up to their own ideals?

He tries to, but feels like he falls short tho he does pretty decent

Who do they most regret meeting?

The previous guild leader, and a couple of ‘friends’ from the past just after he took over that tried to use him

Who are they the most glad to have met?

Alabast, the council, his late wife, his parents, Elizabeth and her parents, the investigators, so so many people that he loves so much

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke?

Not really, he does have a couple of missions from when he was young that he talks about a lot

Could they be considered lazy?

not really, he sometimes zones out and doesn’t work but he’s also...way way to into working and taking care of everything himself  

How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt?

This man has never shook a sense of guilt in his lifetime

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive?

He’s very excited and wants to hear about it!! if he doesn’t understand it then he wants to know more about it

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?

He kinda waits for it to fall into his lap, but he also pushes it away due to emotional baggage and fears and personal issues  

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)?

He sometimes makes little sentences out of them, but for the most part its pretty easy for him to remember stuff like that

What memory do they revisit the most often?

The memory of his wedding is high up there, and also the memory of losing his wife and trying to make things right

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?

Pretty easy, he runs a guild of very flawed people and he just wants to help them

How sensitive are they to their own flaws? 

 Very. this man nitpicks all of his own actions and flaws and always worries or puts himself down

How do they feel about children?

he l o v e s babies and kids and always wanted some of his own

How badly do they want to reach their end goal?

he kind of feels like he’s sort of already there? he just wants to make the guild as nice and reputable as it can be, and every time good new blood comes in he feels closer to that goal

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so?

“There are a lot of very attractive people out there and I appreciate each and every one”

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?

He’s just...he’s a very wonderful and good man that has had a lot of dark shit happen to him and i just wanna see him develop and interact with people

B) What inspired you to create them?

Ahhhh i just...really really wanted to do something with a thieves guild, and he just sort of sprung up from there?

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

Not really? he sort of fell into place!

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

I went back and forth on a few small things like hair color, but he’s been pretty solid!

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

I would love him and die for him and i like to think he’d like me to!

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

Pride! he’s a good boy and that he is so loved just makes me very very happy and proud

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

He refuses to take care of himself and always puts others first, even when its to his own detriment. Also, he drinks a lot, but no one has really caught him or called him out on it yet and it doesn’t really affect him too too much bc he doesn’t get drunk on the job very often, but still.

H) What trait do you admire most?

He cares so so much about his people and works so hard to help them

Nev 

QUESTIONS FOR YOUR OCs

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

A little while, but not too long. He gets fidgety and anxious and starts tapping his foot n stuff

How easy is it for your character to laugh?

Pretty easy! Nev loves to laugh and be merry

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

He does a lot of thinking, and he finds it easy to fall asleep to the sounds of other people talking or the sounds of someone else in the room either doing simple stuff quietly or falling asleep themself

How easy is it to earn their trust?

Easy! be good to him and be part of the guild and boom you’re in

How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

Pretty hard. He still trusts blake in a way, even tho Blake was an ass to him

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

Again, very flexible

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

Sunny days in alasain down by the docks remind him of being young and training, and it makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child

When the guild first took him in, before Keldrin took over, he was yelled at a lot to stop crying and start doing what he was told

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

A fair bit, but growing up around criminals means it was when he was very young

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

He remembers telling someone looking for Keldrin that he hadn’t seen him at all, no sir, not been through here, when Keldrin was taking over the guild. It doesn’t haunt him really, he’s quite proud of it

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

Questions a lot more than anything

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

Like keldrin, rubs up on something, but is more likely to do it in the open

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

Browns n whites! he looks very nice in blacks, however

What animal do they fear most?

Owlbears scare him for some reason and he hates it bc they’re also so c o o l

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

He tries to take a minute to think about it bc it helps reduce his stutter

What makes their stomach turn?

The thought of anything happening to Ruby or Luna or his family at the guild

Are they easily embarrassed?

pretty easily! he gets bashful and shy quite often

What embarrasses them?

If he takes too long to say a sentence he gets embarrassed and frustrated with himself, and anyone calling him cute or handsome both embarrasses him and makes him happy. Also, explicitly talking about sex gets him

What is their favorite number?

32

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

He’s another one that talks about them in sensory fashions, but compares em to food! Romantic is sweet and warm like a a fresh red velvet cake, friendship is sweet and tangy like key lime pie, and familial is just warm and comfy like a chocolate chip cookie (is it obvious nev likes food)

Why do they get up in the morning?

To make the guild proud and to take care of Ruby and to kiss Luna

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?

He kinda of pulls back and gets a lil down, like he knew it was coming

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)?

he doesn’t really get envious? other people have their stuff and he has his. and if he really wants it he can find a way to get it  

Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom?

He is never comfy talking about it b u t he wants to, he’s just never gotten the chance to before tbh  

What are their thoughts on marriage?

He likes the idea of it, but never thought he would until recently

What is their preferred mode of transportation?

he likes to walk and he thinks boats are cool!

What causes them to feel dread?

Thinking about Luna’s missions and her going on them worries him, especially if keldrin ever seems worried. Also, the thought of Ruby’s mom coming back for her or hurting ruby

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth?

unpleasant truth normally, but if its something really bad then he’ll take a lie

Do they usually live up to their own ideals?

He doesn’t think he does, and he hasa really high ideals, but he does pretty good most of the time

Who do they most regret meeting?

Again, teh previous guild leader and the person who kidnapped him

Who are they the most glad to have met?

Keldrin and Luna and Ruby! they’ve all really helped him in a lot of ways over the years

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke?

not really, he likes to listen to other people’s jokes n stories more than tell his own

Could they be considered lazy?

nah, he throws himself into his work and tries really hard to do good and do right

How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt?

kinda hard, but he gets over it eventually after talking to people about it

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive?

Nev gets very excited right along with them and talks to them about it and loves to listen

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?

He’s wanted to actively seek it but he’s been too shy in the past, and then it fell right in his lap  

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)?

he has a little tune in his head that he puts em to

What memory do they revisit the most often?

Meeting and kissing Luna, finding ruby, and that night at the guild when he was a little kid

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?

Very easy! he never has an issue at all with other people’s flaws

How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

Pretty sensitive, as he’s got low self esteem, but he can also ignore it every now and then

How do they feel about children?

He likes em but never thought he’d have any and then. welp. Now he’s a happy dad and wouldn’t trade it for the world

How badly do they want to reach their end goal?

He doesn’t really have one? he just wants to be a damn good thief and take care of his family and live a long life, and he wants that pretty bad but he also knows that he’s taking the steps towards that every day

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so?

*vague hand gestures* also the will smith pose towards luna

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?

He’s a sweetheart who has nowhere to go but up and is gonna see and do so much and just. ahhh I’m excited for his excitement and him seeing the world??

B) What inspired you to create them?

I just really wanted a fully sweet dude in this story tbh

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

not really, he was one of the early characters :P

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

pretty much the same, ye! he was a lil slimmer at one point but other than that he’s been pretty steady

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

I would kill for Nev in a heart beat and I hope so!

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

Just very warm happy bubbly feelings bc he’s such a sweet cutie

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

He is a little naive still somehow, and a lot of people take advantage of that and he let em walk all over him

H) What trait do you admire most?

He is just so good and trusting and will give the shirt off his back to help someone in need in a heartbeat

[boyjadzia]

I’m gonna put this under a readmore bc it deals with like, unwanted advances/intimate contact, not sexual assault but just like men being gross, generally, also it’s really long

so this weekend I went to this party, I was invited by a dude I met on tinder. I didn’t know anyone there, I didn’t even really know him, we’d never met before. maybe I was a dumbass for just going with it, even though it was obvious he was interested in me and I wasn’t sure I was interested in him? but I thought, I’m an extrovert, I like meeting people, and I feel like I can’t really decide how I feel about tinder people just from a few texts back and forth, so I was sort of hoping I would be interested in him once I met him. idk.

Anyway, he was clearly flirting with me when we were texting and once I got there he was basically on me the entire time. like, hovering over me, had blatantly no interest in introducing me to other people at the party (also he was at least a foot taller than me). I guess I tried to push away my discomfort bc I’m used to feeling like I’m “colder” than i “should” be bc of my antidepressants and complicated relationship history that makes me not want to jump into things. and I don’t get many opportunities to feel like people are into me, being trans, and my friends thought he was good looking so. I just went with it. Even though he really didn’t present me with much evidence that he was actually an interesting person, and I probably should’ve picked up more on the fact that he couldn’t sense my discomfort.

well long story short I tried to keep him at bay, I left the party to go walk a dog and came back, (and I kind of didn’t want to go back but I did anyway bc he asked me to and I was like well alright I should try to put myself out there, be cool, have fun. why was I trying to convince myself this thing that obviously wasn’t fun was fun? why didn’t I trust myself. idk.) but I went back, and drank a bunch more, and eventually he started putting his hands all over me, I mean not sexually just like rubbing my arms and my back and sides. i felt conflicted about it bc on the one hand, like I said, I’m normally pretty isolated from romance and physical intimacy by being trans, and he wasn’t exactly coming on to me explicitly, but on the other hand I wasn’t actually comfortable with it. and I was really drunk. so I basically just sat there and did nothing and he kept it up (he was also super drunk, but that’s not relevant). and we were having a conversation (with some other people) about like, gender and sexuality and whatever and I think he sensed that this was like, kind of a heavy subject for me, so he was trying to be comforting? idk. but he definitely also just wanted to touch me.

Anyway, eventually it was late and I had to leave, and he offered to let me stay, and I declined, and he offered again as I was going out the door, and I declined, and he kissed me a couple times which I don’t remember very well bc I was very drunk but also just extremely tired. I never really rebuffed him. I was just ambivalent, and he just pushed ahead.

I was kind of vaguely uncomfortable with all this from the outset but it took me a day or two to really process it. but what’s getting to me is like, now I’m reading all these articles about sexual assault that people have been sharing and I’m struck by the fact that this very easily falls into that pattern. Like I said he didn’t actually do anything explicitly sexual, but it was on that path. he wasn’t paying attention to me or what I wanted. he didn’t really care, he only thought about me in relation to himself. it’s messed up.

But the thing that’s really really getting to me is like, these articles are always about women, and I’m not a woman. it says I’m trans very explicitly on tinder, I only have it set to men looking for men, this guy never would’ve met me under the guise of my presenting as female. but I know I look like one, and even beyond that, I’m just a generally small and effeminate person. and one of the things he said in the course of our convo about gender and sexuality was that he’s pan but he doesn’t actually like men that much. or, the way he framed it was that he “doesn’t prefer dicks” which, yikes. and all his previous relationships had been with cis women. idk, I don’t think he was a chaser, but even being super drunk and tired I was taken aback and it def made me uncomfortable.

so part of me wonders, was he acting that way bc he saw me as “basically a woman”? or is this just how he acts, with everybody? this is messing me up a lot because, I’m a nonbinary person, not a man, my masculinity really only feels relevant to me in the context of intimate relationships/sexual orientation, and yet I’ve been feeling so much pressure lately to “pick a political category” because I have to either fall on the side of oppressive/male or oppressed/female. and I know that not being a woman means benefiting from misogyny, etc etc, I don’t care about trying to avoid that, it’s just that in situations like this— where this guy’s behavior was still probably related to my not-maleness, even though he knew I wasn’t a woman so like it obviously wasn’t misogyny, idk. I already feel really alienated from maleness for a lot of reasons. but this wasn’t transphobia in the sense of him not seeing me as a “real man” because i’m not. this was its own weird mix of like, nonbinary/gnc-related transphobia and toxic masculinity, or something.

I’m just confused. because I know nb women (pretty much always AFAB tho) who get annoyed at the implication that you can be a nonbinary person and not a woman and still be oppressed by men. like, the idea that you would be part of a “political category” that maleness oppresses and yet not a woman is an oxymoron. but I just feel like idk how else to conceptualize this. how else do you describe this kind of predatory male behavior? the fact that he definitely didn’t see me as a man, and I’m not? this is why the separation of transphobia and misogyny as being like, totally unrelated axes of oppression feels lacking to me. Bc they’re very intertwined, even if they’re obviously two different things.

I’m just tired of feeling confused and like a bad person. like being nonbinary and trans is an empty statement and not something that I live every day that impacts my life. I’m tired of cis-adjacent nonbinary people, who aren’t trans and are aligned with the binary gender they were assigned, dictating the terms of how nonbinary ID relates to gender as a political construct. of feeling like i’m a bad person for thinking of incidents like this as relating to a larger pattern of oppression by cis men because what else is it? transphobia, yes, but a particular type of transphobia that’s bound up in maleness vs. my lack of conformity to maleness. that reinforces a distrust and fear of men, not just cis people. I’m tired of feeling like this means I’m not really trans and should just go back to IDing as a woman or woman-aligned.

basically, I’m tired of having to deal with binary trans people’s lack of empathy for nonbinary trans people, and non-trans nb people’s presumptuousness. I’m tired of my experience not making any sense and feeling like I don’t fit into anything.

I legit don’t know what to do. I don’t feel like I have any of the right answers. the idea of talking about the oppressive behavior of men in terms of “women and nonbinary people” feels dangerously close to the preposterous “women and femmes” thing. and there are obviously issues women have that I don’t. but like, how am I supposed to deal with the emotional fallout of being preyed upon by men if I’m alienated from every gender-based social grouping in the course of these discussions?

[sheikism]

DO ALL FOUR I"M CURIOUS

this is going under a readmore igdhjghg

bolat: already done

reta:

Full Name: its me. the man who never gives his ocs last namesGender and Sexuality: demiboy!! probably ace or something idkPronouns: he/theyEthnicity/Species: modern au’s he’s punjabiBirthplace and Birthdate: southern india! 15th of marchGuilty Pleasures: ohhh idk hes literally 14 so hes a pure boy.Phobias: he has NO fears except heights please put the short boy downWhat They Would Be Famous For: maybe acting?? he would be a cute child actor. a babby.What They Would Get Arrested For: probably some “holes” shit of being at the wrong place at the wrong time while being pure as fuckOC You Ship Them With: no one he’s too innocent…OC Most Likely To Murder Them: NO!!!Favorite Movie/Book Genre: totally action and adventurey cool stuffLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: romance is so ickyTalents and/or Powers: no powers bc normal human but he is a sunshine boyWhy Someone Might Love Them: very fun loving!! so fun to be around. a party boyWhy Someone Might Hate Them: too much energy, too loudHow They Change: he probably grows up a bitWhy You Love Them: my first ever oc for this universe!!! aaaaa

mithras:

Full Name: his full name is “god what a tool”Gender and Sexuality: HFDHFDHFHJ HES THE ONLY CISHETPronouns: heEthnicity/Species: whitest crust man aliveBirthplace and Birthdate: somewhere in north america ggfhggh. 5th of decemberGuilty Pleasures: he likes…horses…Phobias: PTSD? in MY mithras?What They Would Be Famous For: being a DICKWhat They Would Get Arrested For: being a DICKOC You Ship Them With: bea is his got dam wifeOC Most Likely To Murder Them: theres like a line. people are APPLYING to end himFavorite Movie/Book Genre: non fiction. edgy boyLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: he thinks horror is rly funny bc of the special fxTalents and/or Powers: hes talented at being snarky Why Someone Might Love Them: we just dont knowWhy Someone Might Hate Them: hes SUCH A FUCKING TOOL KJGJGFGFHow They Change: he becomes less of a tool i swearWhy You Love Them: sometimes hes not a tool and he really does care I SWEAR PLEASE

chiyo

Full Name: her first name is actually chiyome Gender and Sexuality: cis lesbianPronouns: sheEthnicity/Species: shes mixed japanese trinidadianBirthplace and Birthdate: japan but she moved to the US to meet her gf. seot 28Guilty Pleasures: she likes money and chocolate. relatablePhobias: no gross bugs or mud or gross shit. fuck outta hereWhat They Would Be Famous For: model??? shes super prettyWhat They Would Get Arrested For: GHHHJGHJGFHJGHJ LMFAOOOOC You Ship Them With: cori is her gfOC Most Likely To Murder Them: lukas because theyre best friendsFavorite Movie/Book Genre: reading is for nerds but SOME romance is ok. no shes not cryingLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: not TOO cheesy romance thats so lameTalents and/or Powers: shes flexible and all that shitWhy Someone Might Love Them: very funny and chill. super easy to get along withWhy Someone Might Hate Them: has like. no regard for rulesHow They Change: sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee listens to ppl moreWhy You Love Them: shes so fun and good!!! maybe my 2nd fav

thank you for asking i owe you my life