#put this under a read more bc idk if anyone cares abt my thoughts lol

[musicallygt]

How would u do AA cast meets GAA cast under rattatorney??

OH OKAY GONNA TRY TO THINK HOW MIXING MY TIME TRAVEL AU AND THE RATATTORNEY AU WOULD GO (things to note for anyone who doesnt know abt it: my time travel au is smth i only now post in theSaveDataTeam server and to friends on discord, due to Reasons i dont rlly share it publicly anymore lol)

(under read more bc this got long lmao)

so first of all, iirc we dont exactly have much on the GAA side of the au, but i want to assume something similar happens with Susato and Ryunosuke like Maya and Phoenix (maybe Susato is playing Ryutaro w Ryunosuke able to help her by giving her a different perspective on cases to help idk). either way, Ryu and Susato end up in modern times like in my time travel au thru some mysterious means and its just like

except g/t lol. i think at first Maya suggests she and Susato are related bc their circumstances are similar, but then somehow it's learned that Phoenix and Ryunosuke are the ones related (idk how tho bc i dont think borrowers do genealogy lmao. maybe Ema comes back for summer break and does a DNA test or smth.)

similar to my time travel au, bc she thinks its unfair that Phoenix and Ryunosuke get to be related but they don't, Maya asks Susato if she'd like to be adopted as her ancestor, and Susato agrees.

the girls bond. Maya gets Susato addicted to Steel Samurai. but Maya would probably feel almost....... useless compared to Susato. because Susato is a judicial assistant, she understands law so much more than Maya does. hell, she's been reading the law books in the office and actually understands them, but Maya...... she's a spirit medium. and not even a well trained one ever since taking up her fake job as a lawyer. she doesn't feel as capable as Susato.

but Susato would take the time to help her, even if it's just a bit. she wants Maya to succeed and feel proud of herself– she thinks it's impressive how much the young woman has done as someone without any training in law.

meanwhile, Ryunosuke and Phoenix bond over having been found by beans and also learn differences in their borrower cultures with Ryu from early 1900s Japan and Phoenix living in Japanifornia in teh 2010s. Phoenix feels some relief that he's not the first borrower to end up being Seen by a bean, and Ryunosuke is slightly concerned abt the fact it happens again in the future, especially down his bloodline.

anyway Maya finds it more fun to mess with Ryunosuke (who she's dubbed "L'il Grampa Nick") because not only is he a borrower, he's a borrower from the early 1900s. meaning he has no way of knowing if she's telling the truth about what the future is like. Maya would lie a lot about the future to Susato and Ryunosuke and sees just how much she can get away with. (she's able to get away with a lot more with Ryunosuke).

Phoenix has to tell Ryunosuke not to believe half of what Maya says after Ryu calls him a thot bc Maya told him it means thoughtful person.

also idk where to put this in this ramble but i think Susato would def be a lot more careful and gentle w the two borrowers than Maya lmao.

@spirit-small if you'd like to contribute to this since Ratattorney is your au lol

[lowkeyorloki]

hi phoebe anon again! hahahah okay i have so many opinions on the lorde thing you have no idea but most of them end up boiling down to some form of “shut the hell up none of you know what ur talking about!!!!!!!” or “keep my wife’s name out ur fucking mouth”. LMAO

like 1) why are you guys just now circulating these videos as if the melodrama tour didn’t happen 3 years ago, 2) the people being like “imagine paying to go to a concert just to have the singer shush you” ...guys it was literally for 30 seconds at the end of a very dramatic song. you guys the album is called Melodrama i need you to understand this. please. this is not like a routine thing that she does. she is so sweet at her concerts and is very appreciative. and 3) the people that aren’t her fans being so offended by it (the ones making the most jokes about it) are making me so 😭😭😭😭 like we all know she’s a little bit weird!!! and that maybe it was a bit over the top!! and that’s okay!! like i think famous people are a little weird sometimes! i love you for saying that the crowds singing at concerts are annoying though that’s SO valid lmao

sorry i am totally rambling but this just reminds me of this one tweet that was like “Phoebe Bridgers is allowed to be annoying on twitter because she wrote motion sickness. the same cannot be said for the rest of you.” and like. yeah when you (not you, you know what i mean lol) make albums as good as Pure Heroine and Melodrama then maybe you’ll be permitted to make fun of her.

long story short these people need to leave my wife alone i had like five people ask me “omg did she shush you🤪” when i told them i went to see her and it just makes me really sad that that’s all people think of her now😭😭😭 idk how it got so out of hand lmao

also i actually haven’t seen Juno! but it’s been on my watchlist forever and i’ve heard it’s really great so i will definitely be watching it when i get the chance❤️ anyway goodbye i’m sorry that was such a long response that im sure you did not want lol

Yes to all of this! Also not to harp on my prev. point but "imagine paying to go to a concert just to have the singer shush you” okay imagine going to a concert only to not be able to hear the person you paid a gross amount of money to see only to be unable to hear them because of a tone deaf and flat audience???

i've also seen a bunch of viral tiktoks of people saying they don't care she shushed the crowd they just care that lorde 'sounds bad.' it gave me flashbacks to when i was a theatre kid in high school (gross) and everyone in the plays with me would judge broadway performers for not being perfect all the time.... like.... we were 16 and the people who were so vocal about criticizing the actors weren't getting more than ensemble in a high school production and i always just wondered where they thought they got the credibility to shit on people's careers. i have such a vivid memory of this one girl saying she hated the "good for you" number from dear evan hansen because dierctors "would force whatever actress playing evan's mom to try to sound like alanis morissette". girl what. they're just sounding angry lmao emoting anger can only be so unique. i know that gets into iffy territory of "if you don't have (x) you can't have an opinion of (x)" but i feel like with something like talent and voices it's fine to look at a bunch of 16-23 year olds who have decided they can hit whistle notes and tell them they might not have a single clue what they're talking about, lmao. lorde puts on a performance much more than she just... sings her hits. her "'''bad''''' singing is part of that. like you alluded to... lorde wrote pure heroine/melodrama and she has a record deal and we don't, so... :)

lmao i bet we sound crazy to everyone reading this but this is exactly why i left acting and singing it's just not enjoyable and even if you find someone who isn't balls to the wall judgmental they're obnoxious. in my shakespeares studies course in COLLEGE i was the only non theatre major and all the girls said that hamlet is shakespeare's most misogynistic character. HAMLET. like. miss ma'am every single male character in titus andronicus and taming of the shrew are right there...

ANYWAY ty for talking i was just SO curious what your opinion was haha! and you should totally watch Juno, i think it's on hulu right now. It's an early 2000s movie with Eliott Page and Michael Cera and tbh that should be the only incentive you need, lmao

[greensaplinggrace]

honestly THANK YOU for saying all that abt baghra bc i thought i was going crazy from not liking her??? bc i haven't read the books and only summaries of them on wiki and like. i dunno why ppl like her actually even in the show bc this guy, her son, is like "i wanna make the world better for us grisha" and she's just like "no." even tho he sees that she's MAKING HERSELF SICK from suppressing her powers! she's literally like in bed coughing in the flashback yet seem much healthier at the little palace. also like after everything, after her disapproval, after the fold, after centuries of waiting for the sun summoner.. he never abandons her. he makes sure she's cares for. he doesn't harm her. and i have to wonder if baghra has ever thanks him for that, for just not leaving her alone. like i dunno how im suppose ro believe aleks is a heartless villain when he still cares for his abusive mom like this. like has baghra even told her she loved him (honestly she reminds me of a classic emotionally unavailable asian parent but maybe that's just me). also im wondering if baghra ever told aleks that he had an aunt.. bc like.. now that u bring up her isolating him it's like hmmmm...

not at me being like alina... why do u trust the bitter old woman who literally beats u with a stick and verbally abuses u every chance she gets.. just bc she showed a bad painting... like.. pls use two braincells to see that who u figured out as his mother... is also using his protection..

like baghra could've upped and left with alina. but no. she stayed bc she knew she was safe under aleks's protection.

alsoim just impressed that after his first friend tried to drown him and harvest his bones... he didn't go into hiding???? he still wanted to make a safe heaven for grisha!!! HE STILL WANTED TO PROTECT GRISHA EVEN AFTER HIS GRISHA FRIEND TRIED TO KILL HIM FOR HIS FUCKEN BONES. like... this is the guy im suppose to believe is the villain???

honestly i feel like part of the reason why LB's plotlines seem so bad and disconnected (and sometimes outright racist but that's another rant) and why darkles is disproportionately more violent and villainous in the later books is bc she didn't expect the darkling to be so popular and wanted to stick with her guns of making him the villain. but also wanted the money from aleks's popularity. but like you can't have ur cake and eat it too.

Well thank you for sending this ask! It's very sweet and very passionate. I'm glad you liked my post! I didn't put as much thought into it as some of my others lol. I kind of just talked. But it was nice to be able to finally talk about some of the problems I have with both her character and the fandom/author's perception of her.

HERE is the post this is referring to, in case anyone's wondering.

👀👀 You've hit the nail on the head for so many things, here!

Baghra is extremely emotionally unavailable, basically to the point of neglect. She's also verbally and physically abusive, traits which I doubt were only reserved for her students and not her son. Baghra claims she would do anything to protect him, but I've known a lot of parents who have that mindset and yet still harm their children because they think it's "good for them".

Aleksander stays at Baghra's side for years, and even when they're opposing each other she's never too far away from him. Idk if you've read the books but he does eventually hurt her. And as much as I don't like Baghra, I think his actions were horrid. But I'm also honestly kind of surprised it took him so long lmao.

Yeah I mean, in terms of isolation, let's not forget that she never wanted to introduce him to his father, either. Baghra's sense of eternity clouds a lot of her judgments on relationships, which means she views most people as dust and therefore teaches her son to as well. The problem with that is that he's a growing child, and he needs those social and emotional attachments for healthy development.

I would bet quite a bit of money that Baghra has either never told him she loves him or she has told him so few times it's practically forgettable.

And everything becomes more complicated because so many of Baghra's actions are understandable because of her life and her history, but the impacts they have on the people around her, especially Aleksander, are permanently damaging. And the fact that that's never gone over in critical depth in the books or how it's glossed over in fandom is just very disconcerting. Like, acknowledging Baghra's failings doesn't mean we're excusing Aleksander's actions, it just means we're holding Baghra liable for her own. Which the fandom should be doing, considering she's the epitome of an abusive parental figure.

And Alina trusting Baghra over Aleksander is even more confusing! Especially in the show!! This is the woman who beat her and abused her and tortured her friends when they tiny little children (and who probably still does so now that they're adults). This is the woman who mocks you and harasses you and insults you on a regular basis. Why does Baghra revealing she's Aleksander's mother make Alina change her mind?! Like fuck, I'd just feel bad for Aleksander. No wonder he kept it a secret, I would too! And that painting is enough evidence?! Really?! A random painting shown to you by this abusive mentor that's been making your life hell. That's what you're going to betray your new lover over?

The friends trying to harvest his bones thing is a good point, too. I think Aleksander, especially show Aleksander, is incredibly idealistic. I think he cares too much for others - those he's deemed worth his care (a sentiment given to him by Baghra). Despite everything she's tried to teach him about hiding and abandoning others and never caring and never doing anything to help or reach out or connect with people, Aleksander still continues to do so. It's likely because he never got it from Baghra growing up, and so is desperate for those emotional needs to be fulfilled elsewhere.

His turning point, when Baghra tells him it was understandable that those kids tried to kill him because the world is such a hard place for them - that's crucial. And the reason it's possible as a motivating factor is because of that idealism and that desire to help and that desire to be everything his mother isn't. Baghra tells him this trauma he just experienced was because of the oppression of his people, and instead of following her lead and accepting that, going into hiding and abandoning everybody to their misery, he goes I can do something about that. I can make it so this never happens again. Which is usually how trauma like that combines with one's core personality traits at a young age, especially when there's none of the essential support systems in place to aid in recovery (ie, the role Baghra should have been filling but wasn't, because she decided to exacerbate the problem instead).

And yeah, one of my biggest problems with the ham-fisted "beating you over the head with a sledgehammer of evil deeds" look-how-bad-this-character-is! portrayal of the Darkling in the later books comes from the impression I get that Bardugo doesn't trust her readers. She's so desperate to have us hate this character and think him an irredeemable villain, not trusting any of her readers to engage critically with a morally gray character, that it feels quite a bit like condescending fucking bullshit. Which ew, I know how to engage with literature, thanks.

She really does seem to look down on a large part of her fandom, and imo, the infantilization of the female characters in her books seems to carry over to her impression of most of her female readers as well. Which is why the Darkling's character arc gets fucking destroyed. But he's still a good cash grab, of course, so she'll shake his dead corpse in front of the fandom for money every time she wants something from it.

Also! Another reason I think her plotlines feel disconnected (I'm sorry Bardugo I respect you as a person, but shit-) is because the writing in SaB is just bad. I mean, nevermind the absolutely nauseating implications of the way she portrays the Grisha as a persecuted group who's situation is never actually fully addressed as it should be, considering Grisha rights is what her main villain is fighting for (imo for a series called the Grishaverse, LB seems to be pretty anti Grisha), but her characters and story alone are just wrong for each other. They don't fit together.

And the ending is one of the main pieces of evidence in that regard! You can’t say the ending where Alina isn’t Grisha anymore is her “going back to where she started” when she’s always been Grisha. She just didn’t know she was Grisha because she denied that part of herself that she was born with.

Alina is reluctant to move forward or change, she struggles with adapting, and she’s very set on the things she’s grown attached to throughout her life. She also has some latent prejudices against the Grisha, and so denies the possibility of being Grisha for those reasons as well.

Alina’s lack of powers in the beginning of her life because she willfully doesn’t learn about them to avoid change versus her lack of powers at the end of the book when she’s accepted them and then they’re stripped away from her by outer forces are two entirely separate circumstances. You can’t make a parallel about lost powers and lack of Grisha status bringing her back to the start when she was always Grisha and she always had powers and she simply refused to come to terms with it because of personal reasons.

The first situation is an internal conflict that indicates a story about growth and a journey of self acceptance. Denying herself the opportunity to learn about her heritage and to find acceptance with a group of people like her because she’s tied to the past and because of the way she was raised is the setup for a narrative that tackles unlearning prejudice and learning how to connect with a part of her identity that was denied her and learning how to grow independent and self assured. It’s the setup for a different story entirely. The second situation is an external conflict that centers around the ‘corrupting influence of power’... for some reason.

In a world where Grisha do not have social, political, or economic power and they are hunted, centering your heroine’s journey of self acceptance and growth around an external conflict about... the corrupting influence of power (in a group of people that don’t actually have any power?!) just doesn’t work. It is literally impossible to connect the two stories Bardugo is trying to push in Shadow and Bone without seriously damaging the main character’s developmental arc.

The only way a narrative like this would work, claiming that she has gone back to where she started, is either a) if the Grisha weren’t actually a persecuted group and instead were apart of the upper class, or b) if the one bad connection between the two instances is acknowledged - that Alina denied a part of herself crucial to self acceptance and growing up, and that losing her powers at the end has also denied her. It is a tragedy, not a happy ending.

Alina suffered because she didn’t use her powers. She grew sick. It was bad for her. This was not a resistance to 'the corruption of power and the burden of greed', it was her suffering because she couldn’t fully accept herself.

Framing the ending as a return to the beginning can’t be done if you don’t address how bad the beginning was for your main character. You brought her back to a bad point in her life. You regressed her. This should be a low point in her arc. It should be a problem that’s solved so she can finish developing organically or it should be something that is acknowledged as a tragedy in it’s own right, for the future the world (the writing) denied her.

This is a ramble and it makes no sense and I’m really sorry, but my point is that Bardugo put the wrong characters in the wrong story. The character arc required for organic development doesn’t match the story and intended message at all. The narrative doesn’t fit the cast. She's got two clashing stories attempting to work in tandem and she ends up with both conflicting messages that fans still can’t comprehend in her writing and an ending that doesn’t suit her main character to such an impossible degree that it’s almost laughable.

So yeah, there's a few reasons why I think the story and the plot feels so bad and disconnected. I hope you don't mind me making this answer so long! 😅 I was not expecting to write this much.

[herotheshiro]

so i reread all of behind the desks today lol bc i was thinking abt it last night as i was going to sleep, and also fully read through the epilogue chapters which i don’t think i had done before. which means i read through all of the plot points all at once this time around. i think my thoughts for this readthrough might end up being the length of a regular post so i’m just writing up a new post instead of reblogging my old review of this manhwa. obviously spoilers for the story below the cut

again i like this manhwa mainly bc of 2 things:

i like the juxtaposition of young’s obviously manipulative language with taesung’s innocent language that also sounds suspiciously the same. obviously you know taesung has positive intentions and isn’t a controlling freak like young but it’s such an interesting way to depict the aftermath of an abusive relationship and the difference in intentions despite the same words even though in retrospect that probably wasn’t what the author was trying to do. unless... ?

sunny seo as a character!! on the surface he definitely seems to fall under the standard BL uke tropes of being clumsy and looking pretty and stuck in a love triangle as the shared obj of affection but from the very beginning you already know he’s not a pushover but he just seems like that bc he doesn’t really have or express strong opinions. a lot of BLs tend to have the shared obj of affection be like oh nooo i can’t pick bw the 2 of them... but i mean from the start sunny doesn’t want to be w young and his fear of backlash and change is what motivates his secret-keeping from taesung... also throughout the story they imply that he’s a good match for taesung who canonly likes action stuff by being someone who actually likes high-energy activities/vibes. tl;dr sunny is generally a good character who also has a lot of foreshadowing done for him to reveal aspects of his personality that contribute to the story

anyway onto my thoughts that i had during this specific readthrough

jaeyoon. anyone who read my prev review for this manhwa knows that i had beef w how they used him during the conclusion to young and sunny’s relationship. i now realize that maybe they DID actually give him a face reveal during his wedding when young and sunny split off to chat with a friend each and the friend who spoke to sunny was actually jaeyoon himself... BUT YOU GOTTA FUCKING SAY THAT!! i suspected they were the same guy bc of the hair color and them always hiding jaeyoon’s face until that “random” moment where they give this character who looks like him a face but like i was never sure... no offense to the author or anything but i think you have to put in-text that it’s jaeyoon and not assume readers will know based on your art that it’s him... there are too many side characters who show up so it’s not like we’ve ONLY seen taesung/sunny/young so far so now this 4th person who shows up has to be jaeyoon... i mean maybe other readers ID-ed it as him w no issue esp since he shows up being like ‘dude...’ when that other friend is like ‘well jaeyoon was in rehab and stuff’ but i personally think it should’ve been mentioned in-text esp since that face reveal wasn’t nearly dramatic enough to 100% capture readers’ attentions.

otherwise i think the fact that jaeyoon and taesung are similar is a great plot point. jaeyoon was clearly the only friend in that group who saw young and sunny’s relationship accurately so i’m glad sunny had at least one GOOD friend then. jaeyoon is implied to be someone who takes care of others similar to taesung (even if it’s only sunny he dotes over the most) too. other than young’s general possessiveness of sunny, them being similar also explains why young saw jaeyoon as such a threat. but yeah unfortunately i still don’t think it was handled as well as it could have been.

young’s explanation for his behavior towards sunny... i hesitate to say it was the standard “villain redemption” but tbf i think it was a good explanation for his actions even if it felt a little too clean of a conclusion (young letting go of sunny so easily and also apparently realizing and accepting how damaging he was to him). i say it’s partially redeeming bc it shows that young was kind of trapped in such a specific and damaging way of thinking abt life that it affected how he treated sunny but it’s also not really redeeming him bc like. be normal man lol you don’t have to be like that to others.

separate but related note but young’s mindgaming of taesung... when he was like oh everything abt sunny seo you like is bc of me... like DAMN that’s evil and good (writing-wise). although the thing is that young and sunny also haven’t interacted apparently for 5 years so i mean you do have to realize that by the time taesung reunites w him, sunny has developed enough of an individual personality so it’s not ALL young’s shit. 

in my last review i said i felt like i wanted more of young and sunny’s history... tbh i think they gave us enough actually. all we really need to know is that they’ve known each other for a very long time and that young manipulated sunny enough during an impressionable time (young age, college. ppl know how college can be lol) that sunny felt that young was the only one for him. i was actually surprised jaeyoon’s story/details came up so quick in the story (i think it showed up in the 1st half of the manhwa) but i think it was a good point bc the story had to move on to the middle/2nd half of sunny and taesung trying to get their relationship to work. past me was also apparently looking for this scene in the bar apparently where young explains his “reasons” to taesung lol

not really much to say this time abt the hosung x young endgame. still don’t think they should’ve done it or had hosung have unrequited feelings but whatever i guess. tbh i didn’t really realize/connect until this time around that hosung actually was in freelancing art/publishing which was why taesung had him look at sunny’s work lol... i think last time that part in the epilogue hadn’t been translated yet so i just didn’t have the room to make the connection maybs

the epilogue ending... so i actually never read the epilogue ending or at least its eng translation, and i was like hell yea at the full circle shit w sunny being like ‘oh the cherry blossom petals are falling just like when i first met taesung in the infirmary’ but then the ch kept going w taesung and sunny on the beach... idk i think ending it literally at sunny being like ‘w you i feel alive’ was such an abrupt ending... like maybe if they added another panel of them smiling at each other it could’ve been fine but if the author was running low on time i honestly think they could’ve ended it at the scene of sunny accepting his contest award

also when sunny was like ‘yeah lol all my classmates at the children’s book program also get sick all the time’.... i was like bruh this author is prob speaking from actual experience lmao

the other thing abt the ending that was a little random was the quick aside abt taesung’s mom being against their relationship... i mean it was a reference to the mom wanting taesung to get married in the main story but then they dropped it and then suddenly brought it back up again... randomly adding that taesung had a sister who was his contact w their mom... like i get it, it wraps up the loose end of his mom but wow i was uh ok random ch abt potential family conflicts. also where are sunny’s parents lol but that would’ve been too much to get into too regardless of homophobia or not lol

overall it’s still a pretty solid manhwa. stuff proceeds at a good pace and the conflicts/misunderstandings make sense. i said before it’s kinda like a love triangle but it’s really not which works w me bc i don’t like love triangles that much (they stress me out lol); it’s also good bc young is clearly toxic for sunny and it’s good that sunny knows that rather than sunny being like “oh i know he’s bad but also... hmm maybe i can overlook it”. the manhwa’s not perfect -- i still get the sense the writing could be better even if i can’t really enunciate why -- but enough details are tied together that there’s nothing major i have to extrapolate bw (like i can overlook the jooyeon mishap even though it legit threw me off the 1st time i read through). also yes i know the manhwa is based off of a game w characters essentially already established but my understanding is that the author/artist essentially had to write up a lot of the actual story themselves even if they had a general plotline provided to follow

also the final author’s note abt the author personally preferring fucked up stories... when i started rereading i was like wait isn’t this the same artist for that one manhwa where the characters look like the k!lling st@lking? mains and even if i didn’t remember i would’ve realized w that author’s note lol. i think fortunately for them that sunny isn’t an entirely “pure��� character so they had enough room to make him a little more twisted.

[oflgtfol]

ALSO im thinking about The End again, aka the nano story i wrote in 2015 (very bad title for a casual reference like this) 

so like . im just gonna spoil it honestly bc its been years and nobody cares. the whole point of the story was that everybody dies in the end. quite literally humanity goes extinct. the whole point of the story is that you get used to these characters, you root for them through all their hardships as their world comes tumbling down and they’re helpless to stop anything, and then they just die and it’s supposed to hit you really hard because you’re attached to these characters and it’s just so unfair

but honestly? i first thought of the plot in 7th grade and i wrote the story in 9th and i’m in a completely different mindset from then now. i really dont want to write that kind of story anymore. but it sucks because i do want to rewrite and post this story eventually. but i cant change that ending because the whole point of the story IS the ending. if i changed the ending then the entire tone, message, theme, EVERYTHING about this story changes

it’s supposed to tell the downfall of humanity based on our own greed and hubris. i cant tell that story if the characters triumph in any way at the end. we are our own undoing

the way this comes about is through warfare and refusing to care for the planet. my frustration at how full of hate this world is and peoples outlook that “oh we dont need to care for the earth bc im not gonna be alive in 50 years :)” was really what caused this, and back then i was..... so full of anger and indignation about the injustice in this world that i was like “You Must Reap What You Sow” 

so here i wrote a story about a common family. theres nothing about them that makes them particularly worthy of telling this story other than the fact that they’re a normal family. i never even described any physical characteristics of the characters because like, thats not what this is about, i never even imagined what they looked like in my head because the whole point of them as characters is to just be normal people that anyone can see themselves in. and then when the world is taken away from them? it hits you hard. because you saw yourself in them and now they’re facing the consequences of actions we all partake in. the whole message is that unless we fucking change for the better then we will suffer the consequences and they’re not gonna be pretty, so fucking Get It Together

but now im in a different mindset. im still very much frustrated at all this but im.. a lot more adjusted to the idea of injustice in the world. by god i am full of anger but its no longer so.. all consuming as it was.

idk how to explain this but like if you read my posts about space and how humanity has the potential for good, yadayada, then like thats basically what i’m trying to get at. i’ve actually.. become a lot more positive over the years! i’ve sat back and realized that like... the issue with human greed and apathy is rooted in society, people are blinded to the impact of their actions and they never really realize what’s Up..... i think it’s just kinda a harsh way to get my point across, in the original story.

nowadays i want change to come about through hope and peace and cooperation with fellow humans.. i know it probably wont happen that way but ideally thats what i want. i’ve sat back and seen that like, god humanity has so much potential for good and it’s just so upsetting that we time and time again use it for evil. it really is upsetting that we’ve accomplished so fucking much and then we go and do heinous things. we destroy the earth, thousands (millions?!!) of species go extinct because of us, and then you look at the sins humans commit against each OTHER - genocide, murder, bigotry, its just, why the FUCK are you wasting all your measly time and space in this universe on such horrible horrible things when we can use this for GOOD like what is the POINT

and yes im MAD ABOUT THIS but now im .. not only mad but its GENUINELY upsetting!!! but it also gets me kind of hopeful, that maybe one day as the generations go on and learn from past mistakes, that we can put this violent past behind us and come together and achieve what humanity is truly capable of. and maybe this hope that i have is what i want to initiate this change in the first place. that maybe if people saw what good we’re capable of too then they would want change to come about, and maybe if we all realized this then we’d all be able to come together and see it happen for real

and like. that vision i have now conflicts a lot with the original story i wrote for the end and just. yeah idk.

ANYWAY so my main point here (god i started rambling) is that im thinking of .... now this may be a stupid idea LOL but maybe i could rewrite the original in its depressing bullshit, but then maybe do an alternate version where things do work out in the end.... like two sides of a coin, in one overall story... one timeline where things go wrong - what will happen if we dont change - and where things wind up right - what can happen if we work for it. it still keeps the original warning in my message intact - reap the consequences of your actions if you dont work to improve - but showing the flip side of how improvement is good may actually help that message even more in the end??? IDK im just throwing ideas out here but i’ve been thinking abt the end a fair amount lately...

also bc im a cliche bitch and love working with conflciting ideas i’d call the more optimistic outcome The Beginning maybe to play off The End lol

also im kinda thinking, because rewriting + writing a whole second part will take FOREVER, i might release the original draft of the end. it sucks whole ASS and i literally never even named a character or two because i didnt feel like it (since i was working under nano time constraints) but like, god just to get it OUT there....

[realmzenith]

benke !!!!!!

u truly want me dead but ily so- BUT OK BENKE my meme child

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?.2 seconds i hate him. if he HAD to sit still and he was feeling slightly more chill than usual he could prbly go five minutes. tops. he’s just rlly antsy. he needs to be doing smth w his hands

How easy is it for your character to laugh?EH not super easily but defo more easily than a lot of my other ocs from one to ten one being laughs extremely easily he’s prbly a 4. the key is to find him memes esp political nihilistic memes or fall in front of him bc he’s terrible

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)he doesn’t sleep. e v e r. who do u think he is?? nah jk on a more serious note, he actually doesn’t sleep very easily so usually he just listens to music until he dozes off

How easy is it to earn their trust?gosh that’s. difficult to say. p hard actually?? surprisingly hard for how much of a meme he acts like and how relatively extroverted he is. from one to ten w one meaning it’s very easy to gain his trust i’d say 7

How easy is it to earn their mistrust?he doesn’t rlly attach himself to ppl easily so it’s p easy to get him to not trust u. like he’ll be chill w u but he wont trust u all that much it’s a weird dynamic w him. w one being v easy to get him to distrust and ten very hard, he’s a 5. p much in the middle not rlly too much to one side or another

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?rules are great until they impede him from getting what he’s aimin for :) on a more serious note, he doesn’t rlly give a damn abt most laws like he doesn’t want to go to jail but at the same time if he’s not going to get caught he’s going to do it bc hey wtf yolo

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?LOL NOSTALGia thats a joke he dislikes sappy things n nostalgia falls into that category but he will on v v rare occasions reminisce. certain musical pieces have that effect on him esp the classical ones as he’s grown up w music (being a practical prodigy on the piano and all). he guesses that sometimes it is kind of nice to remember. just once in a while tho. in a while being the key phrase here

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?I MEAN he’s sixteen he’s still technically a child but basically the most common thing he hears is stop slacking and work harder. being an asian kid getting As is? absolutely crucial he’ll be smacked upside the head by his parents if he doesn’t so they always tell him to stop slacking tf off n actually study for once (tbh it’s fine he’s a genius practically he gets As easier than u can say banana split)

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?absolutely and he doesn’t rlly remember but he thinks it was “shit”

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?once he set out twenty peeps just behind the wheels of his mom’s car and when she backed out the entire wheels got covered in peeps and when she came home saying there was all this weird gooey stuff on her wheels and looked pointedly at him. he just blurted out that it was god exacting judgement on her for her sins. it didn’t end well. he ended up washing the entire car by himself. it still haunts him to this day

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?he’ll literally just say “what the fuck” and laugh

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?whine about it until someone scratches it for him dependent on how comfy he is around the ppl he’s with. if he’s not comfy around the ppl he’s w he’ll just sulk internally or scurry off to the bathroom and like, rub his back (presumptively that’s where he can’t reach) against the edge of the stall until the itch is gone bc he’s high

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?he thinks he looks best in all colors also he doesn’t rlly care abt fashion. he looks best in HM like purple or royal blue?? 

What animal do they fear most?he has this weird fear of armadillos and no one knows why it has smth to do w an incident at the zoo when he was six

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?he honestly doesn’t say everything that comes to mind even tho it SOUNDS like he does but he also. basically says everything that comes to mind. it’s odd bc he ends up being rlly engaging in conversation anyways. however he isnt immune to being at a loss for words and when he’s under pressure he will stumble a lil thru what he’s saying. but most of the time what u hear is what he’s thinkin

What makes their stomach turn?ok he’s not SUPER big abt justice or anything like that but if someone’s being torn down he’ll get rlly uncomfy unless he’s the one who initiated it bc he’s like hey hey haha guys dont say that abt them. also he dislikes roly polys w a passion bc they remind him of armadillos :)

Are they easily embarrassed?on one hand he has no shame on the other he does get p flustered if ppl flirt w him and it hits a spot (in a good way)? like he does get embarrassed moderately easily but it takes him a few seconds to realize he should be embarrassed if u get me

What embarrasses them?flirting, if u get a well aimed compliment in that he didn’t expect. also realizing he’s made a fool of himself bc that oftentimes happens but he also rarely realizes it so if he REALIZES he’s made a fool of himself he will get flustered

What is their favorite number?420 duh

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?he’d be like wtf why r u asking me this but if someone he does trust and is close to asked him he’d try his best to give a serious answer after a bout of awkward laughing to make sure they were serious. prbly like “familial love and platonic love are the same thing basically right? i guess platonic love is how u love ur friends so yk brofists and shit and then romantic love is more? special? idk it’s fucking great tho *fingers guns at sev*”

Why do they get up in the morning? his mom makes him get up for school otherwise what is leaving his bed when he can just pull his comp onto his lap while STAYING in his bed and game from there

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? oh he’s very possessive. he’ll defo keep whatever he’s worried abt losing close by to start and if it’s a person- friend or s/o- he’s going to be touching them a lot more. a hand on the back, a hug at the side, running his hands through their hair casually. anything to assert that no back off ur not taking them from me. but if it continues, which it v well may, knowing him, he’s going to start getting snarky n verbally fighting the other person. basically Messy pls reassure him if u are the object of his affections and he’s getting side-eye emoji abt someone 

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? he defo becomes resentful a bit. like he doesn’t get envious over most things- it’s mostly fear of losing the thing once he has it- but when it does he will get resentful and hole up a bit and generally just seem a little ticked

Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom?yeah he’s comfy talking abt sex. prbly a little too comfy. so basically anyone willing to engage him in the conversation topic will likely hear abt it but he’s calmed down ever since he got involved w sev

What are their thoughts on marriage?marriage is good? but far off and amorphous in his mind. for the most part he’s like there’s nothing wrong w it but it crosses his mind EXTREMELY infrequently   

What is their preferred mode of transportation? preferably in the back of a private plane, squirrel suit gliding or on a giant eagle, none of which he’s ever experienced in his life. but out of the things he has he is fond of sailing when it’s calm out bc he does get seasick a tiny bit. he likes fast cars too

What causes them to feel dread? his mother :) she may be small but she is Frightening

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth? he doesnt rlly give a damn so lie most of the time but at the same time if he cares abt the thing and he’s asking u abt it pls do urself a favor and tell him the truth. it’s what he prefers and it’s rare anyways that he actually asks after smth

Do they usually live up to their own ideals? nope. he wants to win a nobel prize, publish a meme compilation book, become a world class pianist, go to pluto- u get the idea. ya boi has many high hopes for himself which he’s not rlly meeting atm. he’s a little all over the place, so despite his many talents he isn’t quite living up to the ideal version of himself he’s seeking after and prbly never will it’ll be very hard to get him to admit this not bc he’s an edgelord or smth but it’s hard to get him to talk abt deeper things but he does sincerely want to be a good moral person which dependent on the day and his level of seriousness he may or may not be living up to in his own eyes as well as in the eyes of others. what can i say he’s kind of a hoe

Who do they most regret meeting? life…. when life’s hand touched upon his little heart and gave him the gift of herself he immediately was filled w Ragret- on a more serious note it’s prbly the armadillo from the zoo

Who are they the most glad to have met? sev? he also adores his piano teacher but good luck getting him to admit that w heartfelt sincerity 

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? it’s honestly whatever’s the most recent thing he observed, heard or experienced when it comes to stories. he has no shortage of words to say and his fav sort of memes and jokes are politically nihilistic ones. so those are? in a way his go to?

Could they be considered lazy? yes. he only applies himself if he’s interested and for most of school he has no qualms abt being a lil sus and casually “accidentally” getting the answers to things so yeah that’s. that could be considered lazy. however, when he does care abt smth he will absolutely dedicate himself to it. he practices piano consistently and diligently day in and day out so it honestly depends on if he cares or not

How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt? v difficult. he rarely becomes guilty for longer than .4 seconds but when it does he’s srsly going to internalize that bc if he’s feeling guilty he prbly f-ed up real bad. he also won’t rlly talk abt it to anyone so it’s even more likely it’ll just get internalized 

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive? that’s extremely dependent on who it is and what it is. if it’s sev he’ll b v supportive but sev is a VERY big exception in most cases also sev rarely gets visibly excited abt things so it’s usually a cause for celebration when he does. if josie (his bff) is excited abt smth? if he can relate he’ll be excited for her but if he can’t he’ll TRY his best but there will be some teasing involved bc that’s how he diffuses confusion. their other bff will get the same treatment but w slightly more effort bc she’s more sensitive but gosh if it’s someone he doesn’t know rlly well he’ll be rlly confused he’ll be like good for u ha?? or someone he knows casually. they’ll get teased so he tries but he also sucks at life. for such a great analyst he’s terrible at being socially delicate

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap? tbh prbly actively seek it. he defo pursued sev before they got together

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)? he doesn’t rlly give a damn abt ppl’s names but if it’s say a piano piece it’s honestly just cold, hard repetition 

What memory do they revisit the most often? he doesn’t reminisce often hes a p go go go type of guy but if he does it’s prbly abt sev. neither of them voice it often but they’re both rlly grateful for the other

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people? see, he’s kind of oblivious he doesn’t rlly think abt these things but when something annoys him? oh it annoys him and he’s going to make no effort to hide it or ignore it. so he’s honestly rlly bad at ignoring other ppl’s flaws. he’s a bit of a b like that 

How sensitive are they to their own flaws?very

How do they feel about children? no particular opinion! he’s the younger sib by quite a bit so he’s always been kind of the baby. he thinks kids are fine and he’s actually p good w them but he’d prefer to not babysit or anything like that. there are better more enjoyable things he could be doing w his time. as for having kids he almost never thinks abt that so he’s got no opinion there either. what happens happens after all

How badly do they want to reach their end goal? he doesn’t particularly have One End Goal but he has many aspirations and if he cares abt smth he will do everything in his power to reach it at least within reason. so p badly relatively speaking? 

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so? he’s bi so if someone asked him to explain it he’d be like “it means idc what someone’s gender is when it comes to whether i want to fuck or not ;)” yes i hate him too

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?MEME KING but also i’m excited to try and work out the balance between apathy, drive and subtle but very much present care for the ppl around himB) What inspired you to create them?i need a best friend for the main chara of the story benke is a part of! additionally, he shares a lot of character traits w an irl friend of mine so it’s a bit of a nod to themC) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?nope! benke was created for the purpose of filling a role tho honestly he’s spun a wild story for himself somehow looking @ u sevD) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?i must admit benke does NOT have a set appearance as of the present. he’s afab nb and does nothing to present as more masculine than he naturally appears. he’s indian, 5′4″ and he’s got short hair w highlights but beyond that i’m still working out his appearance E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?yes on a surface level to both. we’d meme together but at a deeper level we wouldn’t make good close friends. benke’s brand of caring for ppl is nearly opposite to mine and bc we’re already both unconventional in how we show we care abt someone we’d prbly both end up feeling neglected. there’d be a lot of miscommunication and honestly, ya boi would get on my nerves n i’d prbly get on hisF) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?TIRED he TIRES me but also a bit of pride bc he’s growinG) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?where do i begin. prbly how he’s unintentionally self centered. benke is far from uncaring abt his friends he will do crazy stupid brave things for them if it ever came to that but it’s hard for him to see why some of the things he says hurt other ppl’s feelings esp if they’re diff from him. he’ll be like ?? why u offended i didn’t say anything mean. he’s also RLLY bad at handling serious emotions even when they sometimes do need to be dealth wH) What trait do you admire most?HM prbly his knack for being a great conversationalist. ppl like him even if he isn’t the most popular bc he’s funny and p chill. he doesn’t have too much drama so it’s like hey there’s the meme guy even tho he’s kinda weird and tbh goals. being a good conversationalist can get u places and ease up SO many social situationsI) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?PRBLY but also i think he’d do rlly well in a sci fi universe eyes emojiJ) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?nah not rlly?? not yet at least ! 

[theday]

anyways, ill say bye now... i hope ure well rested and have a good day!! (wait, i remember what i wanted to ask!! at least i think this is what i wanted to ask? anywys, do u know what u want to do now that ure finished w school? if u dont mind me asking, of course, i understand if u think its a bit personal!) ok, now im done, have a good day!! take care and stay hydrated!! (and now i really did send u a bunch of asks..)

omg i hope u dont mind but ill be answering the stuff from ur last ask here (the one where i… deleted everything) under cut bc itll be 2x longer now

so first !!!!! how i got into kpop!!! it was thanks to my good pal (@.briwoon) boxy! i follow her on twitter and despite her being a day6 stan twt i had her unmuted anyway bc.. after years of being an anime blog on tumblr and seeing all my anime mutuals slowly converting into kpop blogs one by one i was able to filter the kpop out of my brain?? smth like that since back then i wasnt into kpop and i didnt want to unfollow since im mutuals with most of them :-0 

another backstory - i was one of those people who never saw themselves getting into kpop? and i think the main reason was bc i thought liking kpop would make u seem lame?? due to the influence from people around me?? but as years went by and as my mutuals changed interests it stopped bothering me and that mindset kind of just? faded away bc who am i to call other people’s happiness bad?? but despite being okay with it i never really made the move to get into any groups lmao that was until i got tired of my interest at that time (seiyuu, japanese voice actors) and my interests would always. not last?? idk so maybe thats why i didnt want to get invested but it happened regardless 

anyway usually i wouldnt take notice of her rts but this . this beautiful man with orange hair and minion glasses caught my eye when i was scrolling through my timeline and i was like o worm? oh mu god? hes beautiful? so i slid into her dms and asked her whomst the beautiful man was and she sent me all their mvs after that from congratulations to i smile (the most recent mv at that time, late june) for me to watch :-D now at that time, from what little knowledge i had of kpop.. i understood that groups would be singing and dancing so i was prepared to see some sick moves or smth?? but then. i clicked on miss i smile and my wig flew off? bc… wtf.? they were playing instruments???? and they sounded good ??? so i was like oh my god? a band??????

before day6 i also had (have) a preference for bands and the way their music sounds so i was like?? ready to just. get on board yknow?? i watched how can i say and i saw the lanky noodle wearing glasses and i was like o fuck mu life? i caved and asked boxy for their names and other information and best decision of my life bc.. they really make me happy!!! after that like the day after ? myabe they did a vlive and i was like o shit? what do i do… so i downloaded the vapp and wowie i love it? its my second home…… i watched every vlive they had at that time and i thought that was a lot… (it isnt, compared to mx) and i was just rly content??

(ok i know u asked for kpop and not … day6 or other groups bc im gonna talk abt how i got into mx and astro too bc…… how can i Not.. u can skip this part tho i just wanna ramble abt my loves? ill tell u when u can continue)

that was peak happiness for me at that time.. until… boxy started talking about monsta x in our groupchat (with @.tokayhk) and she would just ramble abt this kihyun fella (who i vaguely knew bc my real life friend likes him and mx and i bought her his pc before along with the guilty clan part 2) so i was like hmm interesting… and honestly? i wasnt going to get into monsta x i really wasnt planning on asking her abt them (since i was scared id lose interest in day6 right after) but then.. she started linking videos and i .. my resolve crumbled down as i heard monsta x yelling and … this beautiful cover (which boxy sent to show us how powerful kihyuns vocals are but i was 2 focused on mister aka minhyukku) and she told us how funny these monsta men are and i was like o h no…………….. eventually one day in late august i asked her to tell me more about these monstas…… aftert that i watched every mxray episode (starting from season 2 bc i dont know 1 comes before 2) and even though i didnt know anyone who was on screen except jooheon i found it really funny and?? it made me laugh so much i love mx?? ya… boxys kind of like my guardian angel?? shes really the reason im living tbh… introducing me to all these lovely people?? thank u miss boxy i love u

now. for the astrosus….. they were a bit different.. because i didnt have boxys help and they were the first group i took interest in solely bymyself so i knew i was in for a wild ride (at first, i couldnt even differentiate brian from sungjin in day6 lmao) after stanning monsta x and day6 i became more?? open to kpop and i started watching unhelpful guides on youtube bc . they were funnie and idk its nice??/ and i stumbled upon the astro one (which wasnt that funny but more helpful than anythng) and i was like. oh worm? the cicada group… bc i watched a short clip of them catching that stupid cicada in their office as it appeared on my tl one day so i clicked on the video ..and after watching that it led me to another video of astro being extra for 6 minutes and those six minutes/????? best six minutes of my life because theyre so fnny and they made me laugh a lot? (combined with the editing from op) so bc they were funnie i decided to look them up and read their profiles/??? i watched their nimdle video and only knew mj bc his tag was the two letters m and j lol but it really made me bust both of my lungs i just?? laughed A Lot 

im not sure how i managed to put name to face so quickly but it mightve been bc after the nimdle videos i watched every ddoca and astro play as well as their vlives available bc..  i just inhale the content at godspeed?? 

for mx and astro i was drawn in by their personalities before their music because they were on more variety shows and had more chances to show dorky they all are which made it way quicker for me to fall for the two groups??? for day6 its a bit sad but the weekly scheduled vlives arent enough for me to tell what kind of people they are (although those r still hilarious) i just wish they would go on more variety shows?? its understandable if they themselves dont want to be on any shows though!!! i love all 3 groups with all my heart :-D 

ok if u skipped u can start from here ill be answering the questions now lmao

FIRSTof all,,,,, youre learning how to drive?? thats so cool >:-0 we’re not allowed to learn until we’re like...?? 18?? or 21 idk but not so Soon :-( and its cute u think abt me (or of what to say) but pleaseth stay safe... i hope ur driving lessons go smoothly until u end theM!!! hopefully youll be able to get ur licence :-D 

aNDD!!! the thought of drinking warm tea when its cold outside.. is so ?? nice to think about hecc u better drink that tEA and enjoy it !!!! stay warm and comfy miss RM ..... and it even snows there????? thats so cool tbh ?? (i love snow but maybe thats bc it doesnt snow here so i dont know the tru evil of snow but like.... its so.... white and fluffy??) i would ask u 2 take pics and show me but alas...... the time is not right :-( do u know when we’re allowed to expose ourselves?? i forgot rip... but its sometime next month right im excited???? since its near my birthday !!!!! 

ok now to answer this ask no i actually have no clue what i want to be after i finish school?? yikEs but last year i (jokingly) said i wanted to be a farmer??? idk if i might actually do that probably not i guess im just freestyling (going with the flow) for now we’ll see where life takes me 

and like i said u can ask me anything !!! im fine with it :-) alsooooo please dont ever feel bad about sending too many asks bc its a lovely thing to wake up to and i just?? get rly happy when i see all the asks in my activity :-D!!  

[marcvscicero]

idk if anyone cares ((i put it under a read more bc i tend to ramble lol)) but i’ve been talking abt exams and results day nonstop for the past like 3 months and today i finally got my grades !! so here they are,,, 

A* in english lit which honestly i almost choked i legit thought they’d mixed it up with env studies bc i’d been getting Cs in english all year and ended up giving up by the end so i can’t even say i worked especially hard between the last lesson and the exam so either my teacher accidentally marked me wrong all year or he just hated my guts ?? 

A in classics which i am okay with like,,, okay i would’ve loved an A* but i did get a B in one module last year bc of my awful awful awful timing and this year idk what went wrong in the persians ((i was 1 mark off an A)) but i got A/A* borderline for the aeneid and remarks etc are too much effort and i don’t wanna risk anything so i’m happy w this 

B in environmental studies which I FOUND WEIRD bc i got A* last year and As all year but whatever,, everyone i spoke to got a B as well so maybe they were just cruel this year,,,,,,, or i grew more stupid 

A in epq which AGAIN i am happy with bc my teacher said that the dissertation part of my epq was an A* so that means i must have dropped marks on the presentation and pointless activity logs etc part so idrc 

SO OVERALL i am happy with A*AB + A and now i will shut up abt results day panic but now a new chapter of this blog begins ((or an old one depending on how u look at it)) bc after visiting for results day i am now sad abt leaving college and classics and my classics teacher all over again xx look forward to more depressive posts xx 

[kkukkung]

Your tag on the wonho pic with the cushions was bad even for you and you tagged 'soft' after that I can't believe it

im a soft stan.. uwu

HUge ask compilation under the cut yikes omg

twitter*com / arya940115 / status / 850724933906735104 WATCH THIS BUNNY!

[link] i can’t believe i have anons that call me “bunny” jkfsdghg this is?? matty’s impact. and I KNOW hyungwon rly died? it’s so interesting how wonho is so soft but he can also… kill a man… this is so h*t

sncksndnxinsjdcjcdknckksnsnxnkzndidh ive been on ur blog for an hr and a half now just reajdng ur tags and i jsut jdjdnkdjsjdk wrow what a long ass ride n also i cant believe u have a mh furry tag i thogit i was the only ome kskdnndksd

do u ever see someone and u can just… picture them in a fursuit…. that’s lmh…. anyway im sorry u wasted….. so much of ur precious time on my blog omg but thank u…….. also…. what’s ur minhyuk furry tag 👀👀👀 gotta flesh out my collection

u kno blogs that are marked nsfw dont show up in tags 👀 (hdhdfh thats probably not why ur posts dont show up but lol)

hgfjkfjfsh bye…. i know other blogs have this problem too and i think it might have smth to do w spam and whatnot, like not every post the fy blogs post show up either so it’s just… some tumblr thing i reckon? honestly i don’t think i’m that……….. nsfw am i………… 

I aspired to b as funny as your tags are

my tags……. aren’t funny dghjkdf……………. my gf left me over how unfunny i am? i have a rly shitty sense of humour i laughed sm when minhyuk said wonho used to be a human faced fish like that was so fucking funny to me but ??? no1 else…. but thank u rly

twitter(.)com(/)OfficialMonstaX(/)status(/)849589491182338049 an ot7 photo where minhyuk isnt clinging to anyone!!!!!!

incredible…. i rmbr this….. i feel a bit like… empty inside this isn’t Right u kno jfksgdh…

You @ any pic: oh cool…wonder how lmh ties into this…..

ur not wrong… but i feel attacked rn fjhsgj idk lmh is just so fascinating to me!!!

you know abt vocal analysis?? i know a tumblr mx blog who did a few and was wondering if you could read them?

i haven’t heard abt this before but i just googled it and i think i get the Gist Of It… i’m interested! link me :3c i can’t promise i will be that insightful though!

Did you get my message about changkyun’s coughing? [i did sorry answering it now!!! jsghgf]

I’m kind of worried. Since like 3 months ago, Changkyun’s been coughing. And at first I thought it was nothing but it’s persistent and doesn’t seem to be getting better or going away. Coughing usually means something with the lungs or heart and I’m worried all the coughing effects his breathin. He’s my precious Lil baby and I may worry too much. But i hope he’s had it looked at cause coughing like that all the time can mess up the lungs pretty bad if untreated

yes me too :((( i’ve noticed this too and like…. in fact half of mx has been sick for this comeback and it just… makes me feel v :(((( u know. i do think changkyun’s the type to not let something get in the way of his ambitions and he would…. try to take care of himself? i hope he’s gotten it checked out too… it’s strange bc it’s not exactly a Persistent thing, like it’s just like he needs to clear his throat sometimes and it sounds v dry? :/// idk what that means but yeah hopefully it’ll… clear up soon… :

I think it’s because I’m too soft of a stan but I really started crying when wonho cried in that video what the fuck why would the hurt me like this. Also can we agree the rapping was a lil :/ hilarious but cute. PS. WHY WAS IT SO FUVKINH WHITE WASHED WHt

i just…. couldn’t take the crying seriously sjkfdhgf i felt embarrassed bc of how cheesy it was but ummmmm im still slowly unclenching my butt from that feeling minhyuk’s falsetto gave me. and yeah lmao the rap. lmao. also anon u sound v cute n sof;;

In one of your posts about wonho you said you “weep for you child who was bullied at school and grew up broken”, what do you mean, what happened? I didn’t know about this and I’m TT

omg anon sdfjkghfskj i wrote that tag complaining abt….. my flopping gifset kjsfdhg im sorry u misinterpreted dw i’m sure wonho never went through smth like that!

Jackson and minhyuk together in that gifset is 2 much who decided to put two extremely loud needy bisexuals together

“two extremely loud needy bisexuals” GBYE…. u ever see  characterisation so accurate ur soul leaves ur body momentarily bc

What’s your opinion on the collar/neck tie not attached to the shirt thing that Wonho wore for their KBS Music Bank performance? I’m not sure how to feel about it.

personally i think it’s sexi? u could dress wonho in some bubble wrap and that would b sexi? tbh i rly like the…. sleazy rich dude costuming for this era;;;

nation’s demon child lee minhyuk… won’t somebody save our pure, productive youths from his clutches?

im dissociating fjgkjg

what are your favorite mx ships (or just like two-person dynamics/relationships) with minhyuk in them :>

showhyuk… wonhyuk… kihyuk…. hyunghyuk… joohyuk… and recently changhyuk wait fuck that’s all of th-

seriously tho… tell me if u want me to speak abt smth specific i think ive written extensively on like all of these before… just feel like minhyuk rly…. has v v v intimate relationships in general

Hey ^^“ new monbebe here~ and what exactly is no mercy? is before debut, right? And you know where we can download/watch it? tysm

jsdfhjgh u probably won’t see this anon but yes no mercy is the survival show that mx debuted from… you can watch it on 1thek’s channel. here’s the first ep and it should be pretty easy to find from there!

did you see on the radio that wonho said that he feels awkward around shownu and then the members were like that’s why they go to the gym cause they don’t talk.. shownu when he’s around wonho: :D wonho when he’s around shownu: :S

[diff anon] Recently on the radio wonho said he’s most awkward with shownu 😭💔😭 what are your thoughts? Also hyungnu talk before sleeping what do you think they talk about 👀👀👀

on showho… wonho has said b4 that shownu still feels kinda ?? apologetic towards him bc of the leader business so i feel like that is the potential strain in their relationship :/ but i doubt they’re genuinely awkward w each other like…. when ur constantly around someone for like 3+ years… i doubt any mx coupling is awkward now? but yeah it’s likely that shownu… kind-hearted son hyunwoo… feels residual weirdness abt being the leader when it was originally wonho’s role. re hyungnu PLEASE gjkfhds they’re so close they rly…………. they’ve been close since the beginning of time like hyungwon has a lil fanboy crush on shownu and shownu thinks hyungwon is beautiful and funny and they just……………… idk they must vibe together so well bc they’re both quiet + kind and they just………… seem to chill together a lot these days e.g. playing billiards !!!! aaa and um i feel like they would talk abt everything i can’t narrow it down?? probably like… discuss funny things that happened during the day and shownu tells a joke and hyungwon laughs for 5 minutes straight bc once he starts he doesn’t stop sgfhj

thsi is so stupid but u kno kihyun’s pose from beautiful where hes like,, turned away from the camera n a lil hunched over w/ his arms out i just,, just fuckin think of those grainy pics of bigfoot like i see kihyun n its like C R Y P T I D S P O T T E D

i hate this fgdjhfjk i feel like changkyun is a real cryptid btw (the part where he’s like…. sliding across???)?? anyway when will kihyun pop me via telepathy

Wonho gripping the straw of his coffee drink with his entire fist fkrkgkk why is he such a babie

feel like wonho was a lil bit spoilt/rolling in love as a kid and grew into this… manchild (not the annoying kind tho bc he’s also… v mature…) i love him sm….

Wow do u think minhyuk and kihyun are such good frens because they both love to act fake cute…..These Scorpio antics

YES!!!!! i think they’re v different kinds of fake-cute tho like, w kihyun it’s kind of…. nauseating when he does it on purpose like the way he plops down into chairs omg (gjhkfsdgk im sry) but w minhyuk it’s like he’s mastered how to b cute without being too much so that it leaks into his natural expression? but anyway when kihyun isn’t cute on purpose but is….. CUTE nonetheless… that’s when it Gets me u kno.

You aren’t the only one to notice how PD-nim cuts Wonho’s answers, and exploits his reactions. It’s not that I don’t love his precious self being exposed and tbh I gain life everytime Kiho laughs but the parts that sticks are the ones when he tries to pacify the situation. I think he steps back on variety but can show his true colors/raise his voice in NON-FORMAT programs(?) as RIGHT NOT/DEOKSPATCH/X-RAY. Plus it seems like he’s an audience type than the jokester one…

“show his true colors” jfskdhg yes on kinda.. external programs they don’t show much of him :(( and i think he’s just generally less comfortable speaking in those situations (even on radio shows he’s vvvv quiet…. and this era especially i feel like he’s been sort of Even More Quiet? but where there’s a production + filming team he’s working with that he starts to get familiar with mb he opens up more… anyway yes i agree he’s definitely someone who likes to observe what’s going on rather than directly contribute to the action in external variety/talk programs!

full offence but your tags give me life thank u

thank u?? thank U

my mom likes shownu because she thinks hes a: traditional, manly, well fit, and "expensive” looking man sunshwwjhsbe what but she looked at changkyun was like “who is this hunk” and said “he looks like the type to pay for 500$ meal” jsHWNHSJWYSHWH

(this is for when i asked who everyone’s mum’s fave member was fjkdhg) THAT’S RLY CUTE but im screaming changkyun is the furthest thing from a hunk (quote wonho: his life will b in danger if he doesn’t exercise) and he’d probably take u to his dim studio and feed u cup ramen on a date??? jkdfhgkj

I can’t believe Hyungwon gave us a hacker version of the Iconic Math lady meme on Amigo TV. I guess you could say he’s [hacker voice] ‘All In’.

THIS IS AWFUL jgsfhdjk……… i feel like hyungwon is rly transparent with his expressions like everything shows on his face?? like u can see the cogs whirring in his head when he’s thinking he’s rly so so s o pure :( lov him

damn, i.m

delete this?

“annals of time" 

i forgot when i tagged this and in relation to what but jkfdsghjksdfjkkjdfhdskjhfkghkjsfjksgh

annie ….. what hav you done to me :// i’ve began talking like .. this ?? i call my bias raw fish now :(

i hate this fjkgdshsdnjkggf ???? ? i don’t want this either !!!!!!!!!! but my internet persona? ??  cant u see im tryign,,, so hardf.,,, ,all the goddamned time…,,,,,, who is ur bias who is raw fish gfjkdhg (also i only called wonho raw chicken ONCE let me livevnsjkfdhj)

i feel like out of all the weird shit one could possibly be into .. elbow slurping isnt rly too wild like theres so Much out there tht im not mad at it. jus. just go ahead. take a fucking slorp babes

gkjdfsnbvdsjkfghksjfdghfsjkdhgkkjfahskdskjfhksjhkfsjhfkjsfhkjsfdhsjkdfjksfhdjkshfjkshfnjksvjdfnvdfjkgsdfjkndfjgndfjkgndsjkgnskdljngdjkgjkdsgkjsnd

hyungwon is my grandpa who rants @ me for 2 hours abt how his grandchildren never visit and are too loud when they do and how kids these days are always talking about wigs and their dads and then handing me a pile of Werther’s Original™ hard candies before hobbling off to take a nap

why is this so…… detailed and…. accurate…..

Hey sorry to bother you, but do you know whens it’s going to be the first MX’s award show, and where can i watch it? I’m always lost when it’s about this kind of thing e.e Anyway , have a nice day :3

IM RLY SORRY JSFGHKJSFG i hope u found it….. im sry im…. i never answer things in time but;;;;;;;; yes it was on m countdown and u can watch it on the mwave website as well as the mnet youtube channel!

I jus screamed at the phrase "made from the same fursuit” I wanna die

i literally get half my gross terminology from katie?? she made me this way

what are your thoughts on all of the different wonho ships? 👀

i want to…. nest myself in all the warm bonds wonho has formed w every member but especially wonhyuk and wonkyun i think?

the new yang nam show pix made me start thinking what do u think mx wear as jammies fr?? 🤔 besides wonho who just. Lets it free. I feel like ck would b one of those ppl who wears full jammie sets tbqh

why does this sound like matty…. they talk abt their pj preference in that one fancam i can’t find rn sjfdhg but tbh all i took from it was…… wonho……. but yes definitely i think ck would like that…. wants 2 feel Complete and Covered and Neat…

hey!! about the choreo thing, i feel that tbh. i think because so much of fandom is focused on being mad positive all the time, it feels like you can’t notice anything that isn’t 'just so��, but honestly, i do wish their choreo came out better on screen :/ another thing, and i don’t blame them for it, but it helps to keep the lines themselves clean so that no matter what it’s all good angle wise? got7 has trouble w/ that too (everyone dances their own way instead of together, yfm)

yes…………………………. i agree and i just… feel like their choreo is so much Effort but it’s not exactly flashy for all that energy they exhaust as well??? nd yeah what i said abt camera angles… this time the selling point w the jacket choreo was a good touch tho imo but it still………….. isn’t………………. what it Could Be idk i just feel like everything could be flashier and that might help them trend more dance-wise bc rn like tbh i don’t rly know what monsta x is known for? alsoooo what u said abt fandom being mad positive all the time i feel that sm like especially in this fandom… ppl rly pedestal the boys sm and sometimes… idk… overpraise their music when tbqh…. there isn’t….. that much Unique abt it…..? :0

wonhontology (.) tumblr (.) com / post / 158743886921 What a coincidence?!, seems like your scorpio boy has a vore kink and a nipple fixation… #AnWonHyuk

wonhontology tumblr com /post/158743886921 In the second one, isn’t Minhyuk trying to bite Wonho’s nipple? 0.0

[link] i can’t believe i didn’t see this gsjfdhg i love my vore kink nipple biter boy??? ***** *** *** **** ** **** ***** ***???????????????

lostinmonstax (.) tumblr (.) com / post / 158736187961/ tummy-flash did you see that?

[link] um fuck he’s so toned gjskhdfjksdhfk

Hi I love you

i love u 17 days late??? fdskgkjg

somtimes i have a strong urge to call minhyuk my lizard man in my tags this is ur impact annie

i can’t believe ppl r finally beginning to see lmh for who he rly is….. my lizard brethren

the beautiful mv is already to 2 million views and i am weeping… also i am really digginghoseok’s new grey/silver/no-longer-blonde hair.

u can jus.t…. tel lhow old this ask is by its contents jkgfhdsjkgs im the worst im sry but aa… thinking abt… all the hope we had…. 3 weeks ago… makes me :’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’———-))))))))))

cant believe that thigh wrestling gif cut out the part where minhyuk almost reveals his lizard self after wonho smacks his ass hard enough to make him jump a little and break thru his human disguise but tries to stay casual. wongo resistant ass

the. ass slap changed my life btw…. a lil bit of Inner Lee Minhyuk leaked out hfjkgfsdjkhg also this ask is so…………………… im scremaing at every part of it like it rly gets better w every word

hey,,,,,I love this blog,,,,, thank u

i lov u???????????/ this is a terrible lbogblglbo?

ppl have been pointing out how ur url says wonho but ur avatar says minhyuk but i cant beleaf no one has pointed out that the lil moon on ur desktop blog theme says 'rly a changkyun stan but don’t tell any1’ i’m on2 ur secrets 👀

👀👀👀👀👀

STAN SHIN HOSOCK, since he allowed Wonho’s freedom!

??? im sorry what does this mean jkfgkj

[unitedstatesvsdisbelief]

i’m... kind of annoyed. i’m just thinking about my cousin who i used to be very close with. incredibly close. i used to drive 3.5 hours away to see her & my aunt like AT LEAST once a month. sometimes twice or more. my cousin & i started really having issues probably 2016. maybe before but i couldn’t tell you, i don’t remember. i just remember her being SO personally offended by my political opinions starting specifically before & around the 2016 election. she always hated that i was a democrat and she always was very backhanded about obama but it wasn’t like, mean??? she just disagreed and would be a smart ass but like, not in a really hurtful way or at the time i didn’t perceive it as so. it got really personal during the 2016 election. it’s like every little thing i did and every single opinion i had she felt was a direct and personal attack on her. she deleted and blocked me on facebook, she would screenshot my political snapchats (which sometimes, i’ll admit, were posted with the intention of getting under her skin) i mean she literally just started to not like me?? because my opinions were so offensive to her. after having a close relationship with me all of our lives. like her political opinions to me?? deplorable, literally disgusts me to the very deepest pits of my core. SOME of her opinions literally made me feel unsafe, made me feel unaccepted. her treatment of me made me feel unloved. but i never once argued with her. i never once stooped down to her level. with every single fight she picked with me i just told her “hey, we don’t agree. that’s okay. we’re family, we don’t need to agree. agree to disagree.” before she deleted me even my own friends would stand up for me against her when i wouldn’t stand up for myself. if i didn’t fit this exact mold that she had put me in EVERYTHING i ever did offended her. it’s still that way. like no matter what i do, what i say, i’ll never be good enough for her. our relationship honestly hurt me more than almost any familial relationship i’ve ever had. she really made me feel inadequate and it really hurt me, all of it. i know logically that i am better off with out that kind of relationship in my life but there is a part of me that still feels incredibly hurt, incredibly small, etc. i don’t think it would even be so bad if it weren’t for her kids. i love those kids like they were my own. i still miss them every single day. genuinely every. single. day. if it weren’t for them, i don’t think being like ostracized by her would really bother me so much. i mean yeah it’d annoy me but not to the level it does now. now those kids think i am just another family member that doesn’t keep in touch, another family member that left them. and i hate that. it fucking kills me. bc i remember that shit from when i was a kid, with other family members. to go from seeing those kids more times than i could count a year to once in the past 11 months? it’s shit.

it’s not for lack of trying on my part. i’ve reached out to my cousin every single time i’ve been anywhere remotely close to where they live. left on read, radio fucking silence. could not be more clear that she wants nothing to do with me. she comes into town once every month or two to see her half sister (who i actually AM close with. despite the fact that she’s not my actual blood) but when they come in? she doesn’t reach out. hasn’t once tried to see me or my siblings. idk. i’m just harboring SO many bad feelings about her. i want to not care. i want to not be hurt, to not feel so worn down by someone who doesn’t think twice about my feelings. i have so many fucking feelings i’m sitting here at almost 4 am on the night before i have to get up for working writing PARAGRAPHS of it. she doesn’t even spare me a thought unless i’ve done something to offend her (like a few weeks ago when i was “disrespecting christianity” by posting a picture of the collection of jesus pamphlets we’ve saved up at my restaurant job from shitty/no tippers.

when i responded kindly, respectfully, offering up a genuine conversation over what she was accusing me of? left on read. never responded. she just wanted to fight. and that’s all it ever is really. all it’s ever gonna be again i guess. i’m not going to give up pieces of me to someone who would rather break me apart. the funny thing is i still stuck up for her all the time, if my dad says something backhanded. i still, despite how she’s treated me, have enough kindness in me to stand up for her. idk. like. cutting off her mom was different. cutting off her mom was like emotions sliced with a knife (we had a big falling out. she hurt me but due to her alcoholism. my cousin isn’t an alcoholic she just hates me because i’m

not who she thinks i should be. who she wants me to be. my aunt was just a fucking bitch. i cut her off the SECOND she hurt me. the moment she fucked me over it was over for us. i felt hardly anything. i miss who she used to be sometimes, sure. but i don’t dwell on it like i dwell on this. idk man, i’m gonna delete this in a few days once i read it all to my therapist lol i just really REALLY needed to externalize clearly. if any of you have any tips on how to not feel like shit bc your family is mean lemme know!! also to be clear, yes i hate her political views. but for family, there was still a piece of me who was willing to look past it, so that i could still be a part of their lives, of the kids lives specifically. idk if that makes me weak, or what.

if any of you /actually/ read all of this.. damn. you’re a real one. lots of love if anyone made it this far lol. sorry to clog ur feed with my bs

oh also one more bitch abt it all... she got mad at ME bc i didn’t tell her that i was bi. i came out on fb and to her mom (bc i was closer with her at the time) she made MY coming out about herself. and then tried to gaslight me when i was rightfully upset. i told her i wasn’t sure she would accept me.. which honestly??? isn’t crazy. with her views, the man she voted for. the president she fucking loves so much?? why would i feel safe coming out to her? god!!!! sorry i really will shut up now goodnight all