#put the t back in lgbt

[thepoetrytheorist]

Casual Transphobia in the Queer Community in the Internet Age

If you are queer, please read this.

I can't believe I need to say this to the queer community in 2023, but I'm noticing a trend of transphobia in both online and irl queer spaces that is much worse and much more pervasive than when I was a baby queer in the late 00's.

I feel like we need to address casual transphobia more as a society. Of course it's important to discuss rampant transphobia, but we can't fully "fix" rampant transphobia without first talking about how normalised it is... even in our own community.

For background, I'm a 20 yearold anthropologist who happens to be trans. More specifically I am a genderfluid transmasc who identifies as genderquantum. My masculinity and femininity are inseparable. My pronouns are she/he. My gender can shift so rapidly that it's best not to assume which one I am feeling at any time. I am man and I am woman, and it is wrong to remove either of those from my identity.

I've also done extensive studies and research on human relationships and interactions. Why we act the way we do and what inherent societal norms are behind that.

I expect cisallohet's to misgender me, even in close and intimate relationships. It's quite normal for straight men to say to me "I understand that you're a trans, but I'm attracted to you as a woman." That sucks, but it's expected.

It's normal for my cisallohet friends to exclusively use he or she instead of mixing them up. I had to stop using "they" as a pronoun because I recognised that people refused to call me he and would just use she or they.

At the same time though, it's easy to expect the opposite from the queer community, when in reality... it can be quite the same. Quite a few lesbians have approached me and said "I'm sorry, I'm attracted to you, but I'm worried that it invalidates your identity as a man and mine as a lesbian." I've had gay men say to me, "but you're just a woman, so you wouldn't understand." These are all people who know my identity is genderfluid. These are all people who have been in the queer community for years. These are people for whom boxes are so important that they feel guilt when you exist outside of one.

I've even had bi and pan people say "but I see you only as a woman" "but you identify as a man!" "...but you're nonbinary right?" All of which are wrong, all of which misgender and misidentify me. All of which feel violent.

This is exactly the same if not worse than when straight people do it. It's exclusionist. It's misgendering.

And it happens to more than just genderfluid or other gender deviant people. It happens to mono binary trans people as well [people who identify exclusively as trans men or trans women].

We are being told "I'm sorry, but I only see you as your birth identity, and it makes me feel bad when I'm attracted to you" "you can't possibly understand my experiences, because you're not really a wo/man" "I'm sorry, but your identity as trans brings me discomfort in our interpersonal relationship since I have not come to terms with my own feelings towards real trans people."

To me, most of the issue is that in the age of the internet we feel as if we have to conform to the exact dictionary definition of our chosen label. We can't just be sapphic, we have to be lesbian. Bi means two, pan means all. And it's just bullshit. It's bullshit! You can have experiences that don't exactly conform to your identity. It's natural, it's normal, it's human. It doesn't have to change who you are.

You don't have to be a 5 star lesbian or 5 star gay man. You don't have to change your perception of the world to respect others! It's ok to befriend transfolk. It's ok to be attracted to trans folk. It's ok to pursue a relationship with someone who you genuinely like even if it doesn't quite match your identity.

It is not ok to make us feel bad for challenging your perceptions of yourself and the world around you.

Obviously I'm just one person on tumblr, I can't hope to make a difference with one essay textpost thingamajig. But if you've read this far, please examine yourself and your actions. You don't have do suddenly be the world's best trans ally, but please please please treat us with human decency and kindness.

[pyrolitheus]

If you host a social event for LGBT people in a location without gender-neutral restrooms, you're actually hosting an LGB event. In this essay I will

[littlebirdy0301]

I’ve noticed more trans people that don’t voice train or try to speak in a way that may help them “pass” better, & as someone who Got Tired of changing my voice and kinda just stopped a few years ago, it’s a validating thing to see :)

[so-i-did-this-thing]

im sorry if this is too personal a question.

but how did you manage to transition so well? is there a secret to it? im too scared to take my first step and i don't know where to start.

-a trans guy

I choose my camera angles very carefully.

A glib reply, but it's the truth. What I put out here is a crafted persona to make myself feel better about the shortcomings of my own transition. And myself, really. We all feel scared and insecure, even those of us who transition "well". The first step is still the hardest. Mine was at rock bottom, my depression and hoarding exacerbated to where I was starting to live (just exist, really) in squalor. I had no money for transition, but after selling a few things and finding a new job, found some after all. There's ways to make it work. A local LGBT center who can refer you to a therapist or doctor, some local community. Other online trans folks who can direct you to informed consent clinics, or explain how they got their paperwork done. Facebook groups about top surgery where folks of all genders share their fears and euphoria. There's no one place to start. Maybe it's trying on a new name or pronouns in a safe place for a while. New clothes or a haircut. Or maybe it's leaping into the fire and starting on T as soon as you can. It boils down to what makes you feel safe and what you need to keep going. It'll be tough, to learn that some of the people in your life life have a love that is conditional and you never knew. It's tough being vulnerable and running into people who are repulsed by that. Some folks will set impossible standards, where you can never transition slow enough for them. And it's tough still having to do all the other things you need to in life, like wake up and go to work, feed yourself properly, clean the house. Remember to be kind to yourself. Sometimes that means waiting until morning to wash the dishes, and sometimes that means cleaning them right away because you know your tendency to let things slide. But the good tends to outweigh the bad. You'll find confidence you never knew you had, you will. Don't shut yourself away. You'll find new people who share your morals, and discover that some folks who have always been in your life will always have your back. Some might even surprise you in a good way. You'll find yourself smiling at your reflection more and more. And weirdly, what seemed out of reach will become mundane in an amazing, wonderful way. And you'll find yourself thinking more about the future as something that you can control, rather than something that just happens to you. You'll probably learn new things about yourself along the way, too, be it about your gender, your sexuality, or really anything under the sun.

And you might find yourself writing to help out someone who was where you were nearly 30 years ago.

Take care. You probably know already what you need to do. <3

[findingoblivion]

@photomatt

Since you turned your messages off, replies off, and asks. I guess you're getting pretty tired of feeling the same way a lot of trans women on this site do huh? Starting to feel like Avery did?

You say that you don't think Tumblr and yourself are transphobic. You say that you personally donate to LGBT orgs and that you believe in all of our rights.

If you really believe that, then why are you silencing the trans women on this website? Why was nebula, a minor, banned, when she never harassed someone or posted anything sexual at all?

Why was Avery's most recent account banned? An account that existed for all of a few days and had said nothing about you or posted anything harassing or sexual. Why did you terminate her account without even telling her why?

Why is it that a large contingent of TERFS and radfems can be IN YOUR REPLIES, ASKS, and MENTIONS, telling you proudly how they mass reported this user and saying "this is what you get for messing with radblr!" and still exist? If Avery harassed and sent death threats to you and others, why are there still so many blogs that openly do this and aren't banned?

If you support LGBT rights and donate to organizations so much, why can I go on the #radblr tag but not #tgirl? Why is it that Predstogen no longer has a tag? Why is it that for years there were tags that were filtered just like #tgirl is that had to do with trans people, and yet that's never been a problem for Terfs, or often even Nazis.

Why is it that for years trans peoples content has been flagged as NSFW when it isn't, you've lost a lawsuit about this, and yet it's still happening?

I don't even know if you're aware of all of this. Maybe you aren't. Maybe you just put your head in the sand and accept whatever your T&S team says to you.

But there are still many issues that Tumblr has. And your moderators are silencing more and more people every day. For talking out. For criticizing you.

And yet there are hundreds and thousands of posts in the radblr tag.

I hope you enjoy your sabbatical. Meanwhile all of the trans people on this website will be exposed even more to your mods. More of them will be deleted and silenced. More of them will leave this site. I hope, sincerely, that when you come back you take a long hard look at what the people in power on your platform do. I hope that you put effort into fixing this situation. It doesn't seem like you have any interest in doing that. I mean, you yourself have silenced people, and even writing this post means there's a chance I'm going to be next, right? I've seen so many posts about this topic get deleted.

I can tell you that if you want to monetize tumblr and keep the site afloat and invest in it, that you're going to not want to alienate a large portion of your userbase. It's not that hard to do. And you can come back from it even now. Apologize, promise to do better, and follow up. Change the culture at Tumblr and work towards making it a better place.

Or don't.

Have a nice day. I'm sure you'll be a lot happier than a lot of the trans people on this site!

[teambyler]

The arrow on Mike's shirt indicates his romantic attention throughout s4

After El is arrested and leaves for the lab, Mike wears a shirt with a triangle over his heart that points toward his left. It points toward Will for much of the season.

Bylers point to the triangle as evidence of his love for Will. It points from Mike's HEART. Costume designer Amy Parris says they put triangles on Robin's shirt as an "easter egg" for LGBT+ representation (timestamp); no reason not to think they custom-made Mike's shirt for a similar reason. The origin of the triangle symbol is the Holocaust, when gay men were forced to wear a pink triangle over the left side of their chest -- the same spot on MIke's shirt.

To test this theory, I reviewed all of s4. (Some of this stuff won't be news to Byler Nation, but some will. Especially the last part!)

Here are all of Mike and Will's "heart-to-heart" scenes. Immediately when El departs, we see a softer, more sensitive Mike. Note that I include one where Mike is only wearing a white T-shirt, which made sense because he was shoveling in the hot desert. There the implied arrow is pointing toward Will; he is always to our left in every frame:

See the exception? Yes, it's EXACTLY the scene where Will is telling Mike that the painting is from El, where Mike is being misdirected away from Will by Will's own actions. This only strengthens the idea that the arrow is significant. Where the arrow's pointing seems to reflect Mike's own romantic attentions over the season. In fact, in the next scene after that conversation, Mike is consistently blocked so that his arrow points AWAY from Will (whereas before at Suzie's house it was more random). AND he is not blocked next to Will, in contrast to how they're almost always paired throughout the show's run:

The other times it's important to look at the blocking is when Mike, Will, and El are in the same scene while he's wearing the shirt. Here are their most significant scenes:

When Mike reunites with El, the arrow points away from Will and then towards El. Again, Will has just lied and attributed the painting to El. But that's the last time it unambiguously points toward her. The "piggyback plan" shot is VERY suggestive of a Byler ending: look at how the circle is around Mike and Will, with El outside it. The pizza scene is interesting: Mike is talking to El and the arrow in some shots points toward El, but in the physical space it is actually pointing toward WILL back in the kitchen. More scenes:

During the monologue while Mike's telling El he loves her, the arrow is conflicted, pointing toward Will but El is also in the middle of the shot. (They could've easily had them on El's other side for a reverse effect.) After that scene, we all know that El is hardly speaking to Mike. By now, the arrow is unambiguously pointing toward Will again. In Max's hospital room while his arm is around El, AGAIN it points toward Will. In Mike and Will's last heart-to-heart scene above, it points toward Will. And of course, in the final scene, not only does it point toward Will, but Mike chooses to stand with Will instead of walk forward with his girlfriend.

Here's another detail I think others haven't caught yet. It's from the van scene. We know that the arrow points away from Will throughout, reflecting how Will is pushing Mike away:

However, remember Jonathan looking at them through the rearview mirror? In THOSE shots, the positioning is what we're used to seeing! The arrow pointing toward Will is implied.

Plus, in the two shots through the mirror, Mike looks at Will, who is looking away. All these shots parallel each other and reflect their mutual misunderstanding: Boy A on the left looks at (and is interested in) the other, but Boy B on the right is looking away (and is uninterested, or so Boy A thinks!).

The way the scene is written, Jonathan represents the outside viewer who knows what is going on more than the two boys do. It has been pointed out that this scene is basically from Will's POV. It therefore makes sense that when we're in Will's space, the arrow points away because he doesn't believe Mike likes him back. But we, as outsiders looking in, see what's actually happening. In this perspective, Mike's eyes -- and heart -- are on Will!

-teambyler

[yandere-kokeshi]

Good day! Could you do headcanons for yan ghost, könig, and soap with a asexual s/o? S/o fears how they will react to there sexuality and worry about being put into a position they don't want too be in. They've already been kidnapped what's to say there kidnappers won't do something worse?

A/N: hi anon! I looovveee these types of asks. Tysm, enjoy! <3.

Warnings: yandere behavior and talks about being scared/uncertain.

Simon “Ghost” Riley:

The fact you think he’d force something on you, especially something sexual, quite literally stops his heart and makes him quite upset. Not at you, but at himself. 

Simon, coming aware of your sexuality, is rather nonchalant about it; it’s something you aren’t interested in and therefore isn’t important. Sure, sex is nice. Especially spending it with someone you adore. But it isn’t the most significant within the ‘relationship’. He can live without it. 

He knows the term asexual means, and quite more of the LGBT+. Simon does ask for more clarification in case, as he may or may not get aromantic and asexual in the same group — but he’s smart enough to diversify the two after learning it more from you/and the internet. 

That being said, Simon will show his appreciation with more physical touch; being touch-starved is quite painful. He loves spending his time after work, or dealing with certain people, with you laying on top of him, and giving you back scratches whilst forehead kisses.

However, he makes it especially clear that he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable in any way shape or form. Sure, it’s scary to wake up in a different room. But, he’s been in that type of state before, and it’s horrible. 

Within your scared/and uncomfortable state, Simon quite asks permission for everything — if he can touch you, kiss you, or even join you in bed even if you two sleep together.  

König:

König, when finding out you rather fear that you’ll be put into a position where you don’t want to be in, makes him feel incredibly bad. He never intended to make you feel unsafe, even though he’s known as König, he’s a considerably gentle giant with you. 

His first reaction is to comfort you — completely understanding when you reveal your asexuality to him. Though, he’s still a bit dumbfounded; so he resorts to asking questions, or looking up the internet. 

With this said, König really just wants you to be happy. He’s fine with no sex. He’s always appreciated your humor, and personality, and never really thought of sex with you. As long as you’re safe, content, and feel safe with him, he’ll respect your boundaries and settle for a few kisses when he thinks you’re okay with it. 

His affection, of course, skyrockets and gets more clingy; especially after being away from work. He enjoys showering you in many hugs, cuddles, and rather being the little spoon when sleeping.  

König goes all out to show you, despite your asexuality, he still loves you for you. He buys you cliché t-shirts with the flag, and one time bought you the flag; which, of course, shows his support and caring about you. 

Acts of service and physical touch are more often than not. He enjoys making you cups of coffee in the mornings, give you many bear hugs and forehead kisses throughout the day, and making dinner most of the nights he’s home.  

Johnny “Soap” MacTavish:

Johnny feels hurt — not at you, never you. But rather at himself for making you see that type of way of him. He never intended for you to see or feel that, at all. 

However, a bit of a clash is that he might’ve found it early; already knowing it due to his extreme stalking behavior. Cameras and listening devices are easy to install. Since the beginning, he’s cared about your actual personality and as a person, rather than you being sexually active. 

In all, he doesn’t care. As long as he can smother you (affectionately) with his loves, kisses, and many cuddles, he’ll be fine and content. Much like Simon, he can handle a relationship without sex. 

Plus, with Johnny, he finds it more fun within the relationship he’s created to spoil you; coming home with a bunch of gifts he saw in a store. He relishes seeing your face.  

He enjoys joining you in the shower. And while most may see it as sexual, it’s not. Again, physical affection is this man’s way to the heart — he enjoys sitting behind you, kissing your neck affectionately as he asks to wash your hair. 

If you ever feel insecure, he tries his hardest to make you feel heard and seen. He’s happy that he found out, as he never wants to make you uncomfortable. Sure, Johnny’s his sex drive is higher. But with you being asexual, doesn’t make him love you any less. 

—

Masterlist || Please support me as a writer by reblogging or commenting. It helps a bunch!

© yandere-kokeshi 2023 — Do not copy, modify, edit, repost, or use my works for ASMR readings, tiktoks, or other content.

[trashbag-baby666]

ceo!john and assistant!gale au head canons!

Brought to you by me and @skyyguy (nsfw under the cut)

mota masterlist!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

•John is the 31 year old heir to the Jack Daniel’s fortune and company. He’s unhappily married to a woman he isn’t sure he ever loved. They both have spent their entire marriage cheating on each other and avoiding the other.

•Gale is a ftm femme trans college student looking to get his foot in the door anywhere to make an adequate amount of money. He feels lost in his life like he’s wandering aimlessly waiting for something to happen.

•Gale and John initially meet at the Velvet Lounge, a high end gay bar. Gale bartends there and John was looking for a change of scenery. Find a new place, maybe a new guy or three to sleep with to fill his void.

•But the bartender seems to do just the trick for him.

•Gales in his stiff dark, royal purple tuxedo vest over his white, freshly pressed button down. Truthfully, he hated bartending but he made a decent salary here and good tips so he couldn’t really complain.

•He spent his evening mixing drinks and fetching beer for the wealthiest lgbt’s of the area. Or the ones just looking for a nicer night out then the place a couple blocks down.

•John had sat quietly as to not disturb Gales flow of work until he wanted another whiskey.

•The two get to chatting when it slows down for awhile.

•Next thing John knows he’s waiting in the single stall bathroom for Gale to finish his shift.

•To put it in terms, John nailed Gale into the bathroom wall.

•John, needs a new assistant so he tells Gale to send him his resumé if he wants a job that pays him more.

•So he hires Gale as his new personal assistant.

•The first three months they keep their relationship strictly professional…and because John, finally filed for divorce…

•John doesn’t want Gale to think he hired him just because he’s attractive. He could see from Gales Resumé that he was a smart boy. He excelled in all of his university classes and previous jobs.

•He waits until Gale makes the first initial step towards a sexual relationship again.

•It’s hot and steamy I’ll tell you that much.

•John starts knocking things off his desk, accidentally, so Gale has to bend over in his pencil skirt. John just sits back and enjoys his view, the tight skirt hugging his ass.

•Gale puts on as much as a show as possible when he does it too.

•Their main hookup spot is in the top floor’s storage closet. They’re not even the only people who use it…

•When John gets braver, he pushes his hand up Gales skirt in the middle of meetings and begin to play with him.

•John calls in Gale during some meetings to get him all flustered infront of his colleagues.

•Gales favorite, is when John breaks out the remote control vibrator in the lace panties…

•John makes Gale bring him and the others in the conference room coffee. Everytime he leans over to give someone their coffee, John activates it. Gale has to do everything in his power to bite down on his tongue and keep himself composed. He’s trying so hard for his knees to not give out on him as John turned on a high pulsating setting.

•Gales absolutely nearly soaked through, he’s worried it’s going to show through his skirt. John sends him out and messages him to meet in the closet after the meeting.

•I’m sure we all know how that went.

•Gale’s T dick, enlarged and throbbing inside John’s lips. The man putting on a show of stringing him out, although he’s already came twice.

•They lay there after for almost a full hour before getting up. Gale’s exhausted and can barely keep his eyes open let alone even thinking about walking around after that.

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More to come soon :3 <33

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Taglist: @austeenbootler @coastiewife465 @executethyself35 @slowsweetlove

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for inviting my cousin to an LGBT meet up?

Cw: mentions of suicide and transphobia

I (18M) am a trans man and my cousin N (21F) is a lesbian who is very masc presenting. We're the only queer cousins in the family (at least in our generation) so weve always been good friends and shes been one of the biggest supporters of my transition, defended me from bigoted family members and always corrected family when they used my deadname/old pronouns. I lowkey hoped she would come out as a trans man or nonbinary as well. We dress in the same style which makes it so when were hanging out together one of us is gonna get misgendered since people asume both of us are trans men or masc girls. When N is the one being misgendered she doesnt bother fighting it since its more trouble than its worth but looking back i think it really annoyed her.

Earlier this year N was severely struggling with her mental health. I apologize for the wording i may have since i dont know the proper terminology for this stuff or any specific disorder diagnosis she may have (other than autism). She was having some sort of manic or depressive episode. She was dead set on pushing people away and making them hate her so she could take her own life without regrets.

I visited N once to give her my support during a struggling time but i stupidly told her there was nothing she could say that would push me away. She told me not to test her but i kept pushing it and i admit what happened next was my fault. She told me in a very cold voice that she was a terf, though that she didnt want me dead but that "we" (im guessing she meant trans ppl) made it so much harder for her to exist(???????). I didnt let her keep talking just and left her room, said my goodbyes to her family and just cried while driving home.

Im still not sure if she meant it or if it was part of her mental episode and just a way for her to hurt me and push me away. On one hand ig it explains some of her behavior? N sometimes complained when she got asked for her pronouns or being misgendered like I mentioned before. On the other hand, I gen do not believe she has been a terf all along esp with how supportive shes been of me. If she was a terf youd think she would try to subtly talk me out of it, but that has never happened. My friends have nicknamed her schrodinger's terf lol

Anyway, i went no contact with N for a few months for my own wellbeing. During this time i heard that she tried to kill herself a few times, which got her into a mental hospital. She was given higher doses of meds and seems to be doing way better.

We had a family reunion this week and i decided to approach her. N seemed a little hesitant to talk to me but stayed polite. I tried testing her and talked about the effects T has been having on me but she acted like she always had and congratulated me and even complimented me on how deep my voice has gotten. I wasnt satisfied cause i wanted an apology for what she had said to me so i pushed it more. She did end up apologzing but it was a very surface level apology. At this point i didnt want to keep pushing in case it set her off again so i just took her apology (plus i wanted my best cousin back) and spent the rest of the day hanging out with her.

On the way home my mom said she was happy me and N had made up and that i should invite her to the lgbt club meetings Ive been going to this year. It seemed like a good idea to me, she lost a few friends during her episode and she could make more queer friends here. If N is trans and just in denial it could help her get the resources she needs to feel comfortable coning out. If N IS a terf maybe having more positive interactions with trans ppl could change her mind on it. Overall i thought it would be a win for her.

I brought it up to my friends and some of them blew up at me. Their argument was that itd be exposing the other trans ppl in the group to a terf and putting them in danger. I truly hadnt considered this angle so im kinda conflicted now. She had never felt like an unsafe person before and now that her episode is over she feels normal again. Even if she is a terf i dont think she could actually cause harm? I want N to get better but i dont want to put my trans friends at risk.

So tumblr, WIBTA for inviting N to my lgbt meet up?

What are these acronyms?

[ninyard]

The Scriptures aka towning according to nin. (subject to change)

can’t do this without acknowledging the descriptions of them by @rekikiri which are just perfect plus some more stuff on them here and this wonderful background by @tara-the-star

(I owe everyone like a million socmed posts just for putting up with my shit re: this. enjoy!)

austin michael browning

- southern boy. has a soft southern accent. i was thinking something like southern georgia, but his parents have a stronger accent than he does. he didn't want to be known as the sweet darlin' southern boy when he moved to virginia for his FBI training, so he tried his best to speak a bit more neutral

- it didn't last long

- 6’2, soft brown hair, beautiful brown eyes. he’s covered in freckles and has the most gorgeous warm skin with some terrible tan lines. when he tans, he tans.

- he’s quite built but you can only tell when he takes off his suit jacket or he’s wearing just a shirt/t-shirt. if he could’ve gotten an a+ on the fbi fitness test he would’ve. he’s incredibly strong and goes to the gym most mornings (at like 6am. he’s a real early bird)

- has a bachelors degree in law/criminal justice

- was a detective for two years in georgia until he went to quantico. worked on criminal intelligence cases, but occasionally worked on juvenile crime cases. he had one particularly difficult case involving both departments (organised crime involving a minor) which inspired him to work for the FBI.

- has four siblings. he's the middle child with two older sisters and two younger sisters.

- he’s a somalier without being a somalier. literally knows anything and everything about wine. always has the right bottle of wine for any occasion or meal. recommending wines and opening his favourite wines is his love language.

- his family live by strict traditional values - two of his sisters were married by the time they were 22, and the other two followed suit at 21 and 23. he has a couple of nieces and nephews that he doesn’t get to see too often but he’s their fun uncle. he had a lot of pressure to find a nice girl and settle down, and always brushed off the girlfriend question (he even made up a fake girlfriend when he was in college, just to get his parents off his back) ((they didn’t “date” for very long))

- his dad worked on a farm his whole life and his momma has always been a housewife. his sisters were the only ones his mom taught to cook and clean. he had to teach himself a lot of life skills in college. he still occasionally ruins his clothes by washing them wrong but he’s learned to get his work suits dry cleaned. it’s much cheaper to do that than have to get new ones when he inevitably shrinks them.

- his mom never teaches him how to cook/bake, but she gives him a handwritten book of recipes when he moves to maryland for work. it sits on a shelf in the kitchen of his apartment but he’s never used it

- (until towns visits his apartment for the first time and tells him that he has to make him some of his ‘momma’s recipes’ someday. browning falls in love, naturally, and tries a couple dishes and treats)

- he didn’t really know or acknowledge that he was gay until he was in college. he’d had a few “girlfriends” here and there in highschool but he always felt like he was forcing himself into liking them. he kissed a boy for the first time when he was 19, and everything made sense for him, but even still he buried it down quite deep and focused on his studies instead of relationships.

- his family are not accepting at all. He grew up around a lot of homophobia and slurs and disrespect of lgbt+ people, and so that made it really hard for him to come to terms with his sexuality. he started to distance himself from them when he went to college, and the weekly phone calls with his mom turned to once a fortnight, into once or twice a month, into whenever she eventually didn’t take no for an answer and kept calling until he picked up.

- the only person who knew that he was gay was his oldest sister, who he came out to when he was in the third year of his degree. she was honest and told him that their mom and dad wouldn’t be supportive of him, but she wasn’t going to tell them either.

- she always changed the topic when the “girlfriend” conversation came up when he would go home for thanksgiving or Christmas or some other occasion. he appreciated that a lot

- started smoking cigarettes in college and struggled to give it up. he barely smokes anymore but every now and again on a tough case he finds himself reaching for a packet of cigarettes (towns hates it)

samuel arthur towns

- new york new yooorkkk. he was born somewhere in new york that i haven't figured out yet.

- 5’11, mixed with a white dad and a black mom. he wears glasses. he’s not as big or strong as austin is, but he’s in really good shape. he has gorgeous dark brown eyes and spends way too much time on his hair.

- has a tattoo on his thigh.

- he’s an only child to his absolutely amazing mother and father. they’re SO supportive of him and have always trusted him to make good choices in life - he tells his mom everything. he calls her almost every other day and visits home as often as possible.

- has a double bachelors degree in psychology and law from Columbia

- was a backliner on his high school exy team but never had any intentions of becoming an athlete/going pro. he was a TOTAL jock back then

- when he graduated college he pretty quickly knew he wanted to do something good that wasn’t necessarily becoming a cop. he waited until he turned 23 and on the day he finished his two years of working in an attorney’s office, he applied for a job with the fbi

- came out as gay pretty young. his parents have always been fairly liberal (his mom was a hippie back in the day) so he came out as a teenager and they’ve always been cool with it

- right when he was in the middle of his FBI training in quantico, he was dumped by the man he’d been dating for like two years. he had to put it to the back of his mind to focus on the academy, but it was one of the things that made him and austin first start speaking

- he’s kept journals since he was a kid. he has a full shelf of journals and sketchbooks from the age he was 10 or 11 until the present. he always carries a little black notebook with him and writes down his thoughts and little sketches. (its full of doodles of browning)

- his parents also have books and boxes full of photos of him from birth. it’s like an INSANE number of photos. their attic is just full of boxes and boxes of pictures. (austin’s favourite is one they have on the wall in the living room of sammy as a teenager in his exy gear)

- in turn he’s really into photography too and always takes photos. he shoots on film, so he has loads of boxes full of photos too. his dream is to have a dark room in his home.

- his mom really is his best friend. she’s his biggest fan, and the reason he studied psychology. she’s a holistic therapist, and gives the BEST advice. his dad is a food critic.

- when he was younger a friend of his was killed after because he became involved with the wrong people and ended up in a gang. it totally changed a lot for him, and seeing the way the case was handled really inspired him to get into law/want to go into the fbi. he saw all these young black boys from underfunded and underprivileged backgrounds finding themselves caught up in gangs and when things would happen to them - it was clear the effort to stop the feuds and the violence was not as important as if a young white man had been killed, or indoctrinated because he had no choice.

- his mom was worried when he told her that he’d applied to be in the fbi. they had a very long conversation about the realities of what he would see working with the fbi, why he wanted to do it, what it would mean for his future, and the things he couldn’t do. he knew all of it already, having researched it all as soon as he realised it was the career path he wanted to go down, but she really wanted to be sure he knew what he was getting himself into. it scared him, for a little bit, but he knew it was the right choice for him.

- he has a license, but doesn’t drive that much. he didn’t really need to drive much living in new york, and 90% of the time, in maryland, austin drives him around.

- he’s partially deaf in one ear from a crash that happened during a car chase a few years into working with the fbi.

- the hardest part about working where he does was learning how to shoot a gun. he hates it. like he’s good at it and smart with it but he hates having a gun. the first time he shot a real person he held it together until he got home later and was practically in shock. (he wasn’t sure if telling his mom broke confidentiality or not, so because he was on the case with austin, he invited him over and he ended up staying the night just to keep him company)

- austin and sam only lived in seperate apartments for about six months when they moved to maryland until they decided to move in together. austin was already renting a two bedroom apartment, whereas sam was in a studio, and it just made more financial sense for them to move in together. ("financial")

- he started crushing on austin so early on in their friendship, but he had no idea that austin was pretty much the same.

- austin and sam met when they both started their training in quantico together. they were roommates at the academy but didn’t really interact too much. they only really started talking after one of the first weekends they were allowed to leave the campus - towns went home to visit his boyfriend on the Friday and came back trying to hide the fact he was a wreck on Sunday. he tried not to talk about it, because they’re judging their emotional maturity in the academy, but when browning asked if he was okay, he spilled a little too much.

- even after that, they weren’t really friends. they talked, of course, about their classes and the academy itself, but that was mostly it. towns didn’t know browning was gay, because he never mentioned it, even when towns told him he was gay. most evenings austin would sit at his desk with headphones on while studying, and sammy wouldn’t usually interrupt.

- then one time when they’re both at the gym at the same time, austin notices sam working out, and his form isn’t quite right for the work out he’s doing. austin corrects him after telling him he’ll hurt himself working out the way that he is, and he helps him through a couple of other sets that he does himself. they go to the gym together most days after that, spotting each other when they’re doing weights. they start running in the mornings, too.

- during the course of training there’s a couple of occasions where students at the academy are expected to wear business attire. they’re both getting dressed up in their suits, and austin is kind of embarrassed because he doesn’t really know how to properly tie a tie. his dad usually tied them for him, and for some reason even though he swore he knew how to do it, he’s just really struggling. sam offers to help and austin ends up talking a little bit about his family, but not giving away anything about how shitty they really are.

- one of the weekends they’re allowed off campus, later on at their time in training, towns asks browning if he wants to go out for dinner and a drink. it’s not a date, and neither of them think it is, but neither of them were going home for the weekend and they both wanted to do something. austin ends up picking a restaurant based off their wine list, and they talk about their lives outside of quantico for a little bit. they can’t exactly go out and get drunk - or they’re both afraid to do so in case they get kicked out of the academy - but they sit and talk and share a bottle of wine.

- they get closer, and when they graduate, towns’ mom and dad show up, and browning’s family doesn’t. they take pictures together (one of towns’ favourite photos ever) and sam introduces austin to his mom and dad. they’re going out for a celebratory meal, and sam’s dad invites austin along so he’s not celebrating by himself. he refuses, but when they insist, he comes along.

- oh and it’s SUCH a nice evening. he fills any rare awkward silence by explaining his wine choice to sammy’s dad, while sam’s mom nudges her son and raises her eyebrows like oh, he’s cute.

- they exchange phone numbers before they both head home to wait for their offers.

- (austin spent most of those 18 weeks smiling because of how close him and sam got. sam spent about half of that time thinking damn. am I falling for another straight guy?)

- austin calls sam first the day they find out where they’re being stationed. they tell each other on 3 that they’ve both been stationed in maryland and oh my god. Austin didn’t even know he was going to feel so relieved but he’s like holy shit. I didn’t even realise i was secretly really hoping that we were going to work together.

(there’s more but. I have to stop myself. The brain rot is setting in deeper and deeper)

[eg515]

I want to tell you all a bit about what is currently happening in Hungary because once again the government chose Pride Month (which is in July here) to attack the lgbtq+ community. Three news from just the past week: queer books are wrapped in plastic in bookshops, a bench painted in rainbow colours started a war in Budapest, and a law about retirement was modified to specifically exclude trans women. I'm sure others posted about these, probably could put it better than me, but here it is in one place.

Books: two years ago the government passed a so-called "child protection" law, but it's most commonly reffered to as the anti-gay law. The law is supposed to protect children, but it bans all media depictions of anything that would "promote homosexuality" or different gender identities.

The law is hard to understand on purpose, to make it unclear what is against the law and what isn't, resulting in the censoring of everything even remotely not cishet in fear of accidentally breaking the law. One notable example of this is commercials on tv. All media "promoting" homosexuality or gender change has to have an age restriction on it, including commercials. But since it is unclear what this means, now all tv ads have a 12+ rating, on every channel.

Previously bookstores which sell lgbt themed books had to make this clear and separate these books, which resulted in many bookstores having signs on their doors saying they sell these books. Some bookstores were fined for failure to comply.

Last week people started noticing that in the biggest bookstore chain, Libri, certain books were wrapped in clear plastic. This all happened because of the anti-gay law. Books including lgbtq characters are now wrapped in plastic and cannot be sold at the YA section of the store, they are moved to the adult section, regardless of the topic. Multiple writers called this out on social media, finding their own books wrapped up and moved.

Once again, since the law in unclear, Libri is wrapping up random books, because there is no clear guideline what goes against the law and what doesn't.

From literally two hours ago: one of the biggest bookstore chains, Líra, was just fined for 12 million forints (approx. 35k dollars) for selling Heartstopper without the wrapping, in the YA section.

The Bench: last Thursday, Amnesty International, with the permission of the mayor of the district, painted a bench in Budapest rainbow colours.

This was supposed to symbolise love and acceptance, especially during Pride Month. Since then, the bench was painted 6 more times. First, two men belonging to the neonazi fanclub of the local football club painted the bench the club colours, green and white. Amnesty International filed a police report, and painted the bench back to the rainbow colours.

Then the bench was painted green and white by two football fans yet again, this time with the message "stop lmbtq". After this, someone painted it back to brown, and left a note saying "I just want to be a bench. Which is good for everyone. To you. To them. To us."

After this Amnesty International repainted it with the rainbow colours. Then just today, a right-wing party, Mi Hazánk painted it red-white-green, the national colours, and stated that they will offer protection to the football fans, they will do the sane painting to any rainbow coloured anything they find anywhere in the country, and if anyone paints over it, they will file a police report for damaging a national symbol.

update: just a few hours after the last painting, unknown people wrapped the bench in plastic, with the message "Lately LGBTQ+ content can only be in public in wrapping", referencing the plastic wrapped books

The transphobic retirement law: back in 2010, Fidesz, the current ruling party made a promise during its campaign, which since then became a law. Currently this "Nők40" (Women40) law allows women to retire after 40 years of work, including time spent raising a child, as a way to honour women.

In 2006 the EU ruled that transgender people are entitled to retirement according to the gender they are when retiring. In line with this, earlier this year a Hungarian court ruled in favour of a trans woman, allowing her to retire after 40 years of work, due to the Nök40 law. It is worth noting that she has legally changed her gender in all her offical papers in 2013, and only found out in 2021 that the pension payer still had her registered as a man, and due the transphobic Law 33 passed in 2020, the pension payer refused to correct her gender. The court later ruled in her favour though, and she can retire.

Now, a member of Fidesz argues that this ruling is "a gross provocation and a slap in the face of the legal system". She urged lawmakers to changed the law and make it clear what they mean by women, reminding everyone that Fidesz still maintains that there are only two biological genders.

This was yesterday. By today, a change in the law was prepared. The announcement said the law has been clear for everyone with common sense, but to avoid any "sensitized" judge using this legal loophole, they are now amending it so it stated the early retirement is for everyone who "worked as a woman for 40 years". They claim now nobody can just decide to suddenly want to be a woman for early retirement after working as a man for 39 years. Because obviously early retirement, in a country where it is impossible to make ends meet just on pension alone, is the main reason someone would "decide" to be trans. Obviously.

so, this is where we're at in Hungary, two days before the Budapest Pride Parade. another Pride Month, another attack on lgbtq rights. I don't really have a point with this, I don't want to guilt trip anyone. Just spreading the word, since we rarely read about non-usamerican news.

[vintage-bentley]

How in the fuck are you going to be anti trans and a Good Omens fan as if both the book and the show don’t explicitly establish the existence of several nonbinary characters and both Aziraphale and Crowley themselves are genderless beings

Not to mention both David and Michael’s staunch support of the LGBT (really emphasizing the T here, since you love to drop it) community as a whole, and David literally has a trans child

Part of me is even asking this in good faith because how do you see a series that is so incredibly queer and like it considering how much you shit-talk trans people on your lackluster TERF blog

There’s many reasons, actually! I’ll explain them in good faith, because I think that people who ask questions like this don’t understand the perspective of so-called “terfs” and assume we think like you do.

Firstly, I’m a feminist, so I’m used to media not aligning with my politics. I expect it, actually. Down to very simple things, like knowing I’m never going to go into a show and see a woman just existing with body hair like men do in shows all the time. But I’m comfortable and confident enough in my beliefs that I can consume media that doesn’t align with them. This extends to my feelings regarding gender. A they/them character doesn’t make my head explode, it’s just the same for me as seeing a Christian character (like Ella from Netlix’s Lucifer) or a female character who’s pro-beauty culture (like Elinor from First Kill). It’s a representation of a belief I don’t agree with and personally don’t believe in, that’s all.

Secondly, Good Omens is set in a made up universe with fantasy themes. I can easily get behind the idea that the true forms of angels and demons are genderless, because that makes sense to me in the same way God being genderless makes sense to me. This doesn’t have to carry over to me believing that humans can be genderless (I don’t believe in the concept of internal gender identity, because I don’t believe in souls. So I guess the better way to put this is that I don’t believe humans can be sexless unless we’re using gender and sex as synonyms). In the same way that it makes sense to me that angels and demons have souls that are put into bodies issued to them…but I don’t have to believe that also applies to humans. Or how it makes sense to me that Aziraphale and Crowley could survive without food, water, and sleep…but I don’t have to believe that also applies to humans. Etc. etc.

Basically, just because something is in a fantasy show, doesn’t mean I have to believe it’s real.

Thirdly, what the actors do in their own lives is none of my business. I don’t agree with supporting the TQ+ especially in relation to LGB (considering they’ve made it a primary goal to harass lesbians into pretending we can like penis, and to take every chance they get to express their hatred for homosexuality. I love to drop the T because they dropped me and my fellow homosexuals years ago). If two straight male actors want to do that, whatever. I also don’t agree with Sheen having a baby with a woman his daughter’s age, but that hasn’t stopped me from watching the show or appreciating his talent.

This all takes me back to what I said about believing you don’t truly understand the perspective of those you call “terfs”. Just because you might not be able to comprehend watching and enjoying something that doesn’t perfectly align with your worldview, doesn’t mean others feel the same. For example, many radical and rad-leaning feminists enjoyed the Barbie movie, despite it not being radical feminist. We’re capable of watching and enjoying things we don’t agree with, and of having discussions about why we don’t agree with it.

A much simpler answer to your question would be: I’ve always loved angels and demons and all things supernatural. I’ve always loved old cars. I love Queen. Religious/moral commentary and critique interest me. I love lighthearted comedies. I’m gay and starved for representation of healthy gay relationships. I love gay star-crossed lovers stories (go watch First Kill). Naturally, I’m going to love Good Omens, even if it doesn’t perfectly align with my worldview.

[bengiyo]

She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat 2 Eps 5-8 Stray Thoughts

Last week, we returned to my favorite ladies. They realized they were spending too much on their hangouts, so made the silly decision to just stop hanging out. That broke fairly quickly at least and they just started having more cost-effective meals together. Nomoto got a full time position along with her work bestie, and they're thriving. Nomoto watched her first lesbian film, and has made an internet friend. Kasuga noticed their new neighbor, and so they have begun the process of befriending her.

Episode 5

Very glad both of my favorite food shows with LGBT couples are wading directly into the importance of marriage equality.

Fuck yes we're getting back to the cabbage rolls!

YES!! A WATCH PARTY!!! Invite Kasuga!!

Kasuga is so careful with Nagumo. I'm not sure I'm reading exactly how determined each of them is being about being polite as Kasuga tries to be helpful.

Oh, Nagumo, I hope you find a way to be comfortable eating with them eventually.

Now, Nomoto, you were so close to telling her. Come on!

These cabbage rolls look good. I hadn't thought about putting them in a soup.

Yes, stay focused on Nagumo! We must befriend her!

Episode 6

I like introducing a character who struggles with eating with others into this show. I'm relieved it's only about eating in front of strangers.

That was an incredible eye roll from Kasuga to the message from her aunt.

Kasuga overhearing older women unpack their disdain for the caregiver expectation placed on them them is a good choice.

An asexual lesbian who wants to watch her stories with others. She is one of us. This is the gay sex and celibacy website z after all.

I like Yaku! She was warm to Nomoto, asked a good question about snacks. Admitted she doesn't like cooking in a way that doesn't make Nomoto's hobby seem bad. Then they enjoyed a film together.

Yaku is great. She's letting Nomoto lead here, and giving her encouragement to continue sharing.

Come through, Yaku! There is room for all types of lesbians! Quiet gays who maybe don't want to have a ton of sex can sit with us too!

"Are we in a drama?" Yes, Yaku, and you are the cool, self-actualized queer.

I'm glad Nomoto can share! This will definitely help her get out of her own head.

Episode 7

Oh, is her name Yako? I will start using that spelling.

Sayama, thank you for trying to help your friend confess to her crush, but she is determined for this to be a slow burn show.

Kasuga backs in to park She's better than all of us.

This conversation is ugly. The dad doesn't think he or the eldest son should do anything to help with elder care, but Kasuga should give up her entire life to take care of people who disrespect her. I can see why she's avoided them for this long.

I'm glad we already knew that Kasuga was not given enough to eat in the first season, so this is all reaffirming it and letting us examine the long term impacts.

They're all sharing on the balcony!

They're making donuts together!!!

Nagumo seems like she had a good time, and they're encouraging her to eat some on her own.

Childhood trauma episode, I see.

Nomoto and Kasuga have so much grace for Nagumo. They let her share about herself, asked her how they can best support her, and Nomoto even encouraged Kasuga to take some donuts home so Nagumo isn't the only one leaving with food.

Episode 8

SAYAMA GETS DONUTS TOO! I love this show!!!

Wow, this conversation between Kasuga and Ms. Fujita hit me. The seriousness with which she stressed to Kasuga not to give up her life for her parents landed so hard. This is complicated for me, because I've accepted that my role as the oldest will be that of caregiver in the future.

They turned her room into a storage space and still just expect her to clean it up. I'm glad she put her foot down here. I do believe in giving back the love and care we've received to our parents when they get older, but you are giving back what was given to you. Kasuga is right to not want to spend her adulthood as a household servant to an ungrateful man and his mother.

Wow, this Chosen Family scene took me right the fuck out.

Nomoto is correct. I will also not forgive Kasuga's father for making her feel like this.

She almost said it! We're getting close!

I'm so glad we're expanding the cast this season to deal with more issues affecting Japanese women. I really like that they spent two episodes on Kasuga deciding that the family she's building here is more important to her than the family that mistreated her. I'm so happy that Nomoto has another lesbian friend to talk to. I'm so relieved that Nagumo is opening up to them and starting to share in the warmth our ladies have offered her. I will be thinking about that donut scene for a while. I'm so happy that we have so much more time with them this season.

[ziallslvr]

wRoNg: chapter one

warnings: swearing, lots of making out, other than that this is the tamest chapter.

“I dunno, Ed. I guess I’m just nervous. I’ve never really been in a big group, y’know?” Niall was pacing back and forth in his small dorm room, his roommate lying comfortably on his twin bed. He paid no mind to his stressed out roommate. Louis was good at minding his business.

The two had just met when they moved in, but they got along just fine. They had met on Instagram through a roommate finder page, and the rest is history. They also had a lot in common, including both being some sort of LGBT. Niall hadn’t quite figured it out yet.

“Yeah, I get it man. You gotta put yourself out there, didn’t Louis get bidded on too?” Ed replied after a quick pause. He was referring to the frat they had rushed for, and spoiler alert, they both got bidded on. Niall was chosen by the self-proclaimed “leader” of the group, Zayn? Niall wasn’t sure about the name. Louis got bidded on by Zayn’s presumed boyfriend. He didn’t know that name either. The two had concluded the night before that they solely got bidded on for being foreign, because Zayn and his boyfriend were too.

“Yeah, he did. I guess you’re right. We have to go prepare for our initiation soon. I’ll call you back, alright?” Ed said okay, and Niall quickly hung up before throwing his phone on his bed. He eyed Louis, who still hadn’t looked up from his phone. The only problem Louis had was clearly selective hearing.

“Hellooooo?” Louis snapped back up from his phone, setting it down next to him to focus his full attention on Niall.

“Sorry, what were you saying?” Louis had a cocky smirk plastered on his face. Some people would describe Louis as a handsome devil. Conceited, yet one of the prettiest guys you’ll ever meet.

“We need to leave soon. Did you forget about initiation?” mumbled Niall, clearly annoyed at Louis.

“Imitation isn’t until tomorrow. Tonight’s just our warm up. Plus, do you really want to go? You’re not a big drinker.” Niall didn’t know why Louis was being so flaky, but he ignored it. He wanted to go out tonight and break out of his shell. He had been at college for nearly a month and his only friend remained Louis.

“Maybe I want to tonight,” shrugged Niall, walking to his closet and pulling out a t-shirt. It was plain and white, but Niall didn’t want to wear something nice in case he did get plastered. Louis, on the other hand, was going all out with a tank top and probably the tightest skinny jeans in his collection.

“Whatever,” Louis picked up his phone and went back to endlessly scrolling, “If you get wasted, I’m not carrying you back.” Niall rolled his eyes before fixing his hair in the mirror, making sure he looked perfect for the night ahead of him. He was hoping he could find someone to take home, but that didn’t seem too promising. Back home, he only had one girlfriend. They promptly broke up once she found out Niall was going to America for his studies.

“Wasn’t going to ask you to,” Niall laid his head on the edge of Louis’ bed in a way to intimidate him into getting ready. Reaching a hand onto Louis’ leg, Niall tried his best to seem calm. Sometimes he did this just to mess with him. It was comical to see Louis get hard from it.

“Stop looking at me like that,” said Louis, clearly annoyed, “And you know I don’t like when you do that.”

“Do what?” Niall had a fake look of innocence on his face, and Louis hated every second of it. On rare occasions, he enjoyed when Niall would mess with him, but recently he has been disliking it more and more. It felt like he was a laughing stock to Niall, even if he knew that was not the truth.

“Touching my leg.” Louis got up off the bed, the blond’s hand falling in response. Niall huffed, sitting down in his desk chair to wait for Louis. He spun slightly in the chair

Louis didn’t need to do much, just fix his hair and throw on a pair of shoes. Shortly, he finished, and Niall rose up and grabbed his school ID.

“Do you have your ID?”

“Yup,” He said while directing his eyes to his pocket. Louis opened their dorm’s door, letting Niall go ahead first. It was a small gesture, but Niall appreciated it. It made him feel like a princess, in some weird, gender-bent way. Louis locked the door and followed the boy in front of him. You really could never be too careful on a college campus, especially one as big as their university.

The walk to the frat house was mostly silent, with only the night breeze and other party goers making noise. Niall was too nervous to even speak up, and Louis respected that he didn’t want to have a conversation.

“I’m so nervous,” whispered Niall as they approached the house. Music was already echoing outside and several drunk patrons were slowly leaving.

“Don’t be,” Louis soothed, grabbing Niall’s hand and squeezing it. They had a weird dynamic, but they had been helping each other a lot through their first semester.

Niall smiled and dragged them up to the house’s ‘bouncers.’ They were just the frat’s sophomores, but they were intimidating enough to scare off the weird people. Getting in went smoothly. The bouncers, Luke and Ashton, recognized them and didn’t even check their ID.

“Finally,” a voice said, making Niall jump in surprise. Louis stayed still, eyeing the boy talking to them carefully. It was Zayn, and his boyfriend that Niall still didn’t know the name of was behind him.

“Did we keep you waiting?” Louis grinned cockily. Niall sighed and let go of his roommate’s hand.

“We have to introduce our new pledges,” Zayn said, patting Niall on the back.

“Right,” the Irish boy spoke up, “Sorry we were late! Louis is just… bad at time management.”

“No problem, lad,” Zayn turned to his boyfriend and signaled him over, “This is my boyfriend, Harry. He’ll be partnered up with you Niall for initiation. Louis, you’ll be with me.”

“Perfect,” said Louis, quickly leaving Niall’s side and walking off with Zayn. The blond was scared to be left alone with Harry, but it couldn’t be that bad. They both seemed nice enough, considering their position.

“Niall Horan, right?” Harry set a hand on Niall’s shoulder in a comforting way. Niall nodded and smiled, goosebumps running up his spine.

“Why don’t we take this upstairs? So we can talk about initiation?” Niall didn’t say a word, instead walking up the stairs slowly behind Harry. Maybe he was just scared because Harry was an attractive guy, Niall thought, but that was just him trying to rationalize his behavior.

Now that he was thinking of it, Harry was one of the most gorgeous men he had ever seen. His curls laid perfectly on his head with a cute bandana wrapped around it. Not to mention, he was muscular and had tattoos. He was the whole package.

Harry had dragged Niall to one of the bedrooms that he could only assume was Harry and Zayn’s. There weren't many decorations, but by the clothes on the floor, his idea checked out.

“So, what do I need to do to prepare for tomorrow? I know frats doing hazing and stuff but I know you guys don’t,” rambled Niall, sitting down on the bed. Harry smirked, brushing past Niall and sitting next to him.

“Me and Zayn both have different ways of initiation,” said Harry, resting a hand on Niall’s leg, “And I hope you know if you want to be a part of this group, you’ll have to do this.”

“And what is that?” He gulped, staring down at his thighs to avoid any eye contact with Harry.

“It may sound stupid, but have you ever had sex with a guy before?” Hearing that question made Niall’s head flood with thoughts. Even though he knew he had some sort of interest with men, he had never really done anything with a guy. Sure, he messed around with Louis sometimes, but that was strictly platonic.

“No…? I had a girlfriend until I got here,” Niall tried his best not to sound judgemental, but what Harry was implying was, to put it lightly, insane.

“Shit, I forgot about that,” Harry didn’t dare to move his hand away from Niall, instead tightening his grip on his leg, “Well, I’m happy to be your first. If you’re okay with that, of course.”

“If that’s what gets me in…” Niall paused, debating if he should really go through with this, “I guess so.” He smiled softly, finally making eye contact with Harry. The latter smiled, leaning in and giving Niall a kiss on the cheek.

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow. Go find Louis, yeah? He’s probably looking for you.” And with that, Niall left the room to go find Louis. That didn’t take long, he was waiting by the front door for him.

“We need to go,” Louis said with pleading eyes. Niall raised an eyebrow, but took Louis’ hand and walked outside. Fighting the incoming crowd, they finally made it away from the house.

“What’s wrong?” Niall asked, walking down the concrete sidewalk. Their dorm wasn’t too far, only about a ten minute walk, but they could cut it down to seven if they walked fast enough.

“What the hell did Harry ask you to do?” Louis was obviously in some sort of distress, his eyes looking wilder than Niall had ever seen before.

“Uh, depends. What’d Zayn ask you to do?” They both picked up their pace, seeing familiar buildings in the distance.

“Sex. That’s what he wants to do! I’ve never done anything like that before unless, you know, it’s with a girlfriend-, or boyfriend. The specifics don’t matter!”

“I guess that’s how their relationship works…”

“Wait,” Louis stopped in his tracks and turned to look Niall in the eyes, “Harry asked you the same thing?”

He slowly nodded. It was too embarrassing to say out loud.

“Did you say yes?” Niall let go of his hand and walked forward.

“Niall, tell me!” Louis sounded like he was begging at this point, desperation lingering, “If it makes you feel better… I did too.”

“Yeah, I did,” Niall was still speeding up, wanting any memory of Harry to leave. This can’t be real, Niall thought, this has to be a dream.

“Have you done anything with a guy before? I know you and Ellie we’re together for a long time.”

“Louis, we can talk about this when we get home. This isn’t a conversation to have in public.” Louis respected his wishes, grabbing his hand once again and matching Niall’s walking pace.

Louis rushed inside the moment they got back to their hall. Niall was basically humiliated, his face flushed a faint maroon. He really didn’t want to talk to his roommate about his sex life and personal preferences, but they were going through the same thing, and Niall thought they could help each other through this tough decision.

The elevator ride up to their floor was quite awkward, especially with how many girls and guys were in there with him. Their hands never left each other, though, it was oddly comforting. The elevator finally stopped on their floor, level six, and Louis led the way to their room.

“Finally,” said Louis, staring at the 0607 on the door. Sixth floor, room seven. Their untwined fingers parted.

“To answer your question, I haven’t. That’s why I’m so anxious about tomorrow,” said Niall, climbing up onto his bed, not bothering to change, “I haven’t even kissed a guy. Do you know how embarrassing that is?”

“Hey, don’t worry,” Louis laid his head on arms that were crossed on Niall’s bed, “You’ll do fine. I’m nervous too, not gonna lie, but I’m sure it’ll be fine. I really need to get into this thing. I want to have friends.”

“You’re going to have friends anyway,” spat Niall, “You made it on the soccer team. I have nothing. I have to do this.” Louis nodded slowly, climbing onto the bed. He seemed more at ease, Niall noticed, a jarring difference from his behavior before.

“You’re really likable, Niall, remember that. Your best friend from highschool still talks to you. Mine completely forgot about me.” Louis laid down next to him, wrapping his arms around Niall’s waist.

“Yeah,” He sniffled, “I guess you’re right. It wouldn’t hurt to try things out? Even if it means we’re getting involved in their weird open relationship thing.” He flipped himself over, staring at Louis. More importantly, staring at Louis’ lips.

“I knew you would agree. If you need any help, I’m here, okay? And I’ll always be here. You’re like, my best friend now,” Louis leaned in, giving Niall a quick kiss on the forehead. Thankfully, Niall wasn’t blushing as bad as he was before they made it up here.

“Yeah. Can I do something real quick?” The other shook his head to signal permission, and with that, Niall softly kissed Louis lips. The brunette put his hands on his cheek, pulling him in closer. Heating up, Louis intensified the kiss with a lick to Niall’s bottom lip. Niall let him in, accepting what was going to happen.

Louis parted the kiss, leaving the other painted with disappointment. He smirked, climbing on top of Niall, his knees resting next to his hips. His hand snuck his way up his shirt, pulling it up to reveal Niall’s stomach. Ignoring the gasp from the boy under him, Louis leaned down, peppering his stomach with kisses.

Louis bit down, sucking on the skin roughly. Niall groaned, feeling as flustered as ever. That didn’t stop Louis, though, and he continued his attack on his stomach. After what felt like forever, Louis stopped and parted with Niall’s torso.

Looking down, Louis smiled at his work and pecked Niall on his lips.

“We can practice with each other,” Louis said, “We’re going to need it if this is how the frat works.”

“Y-Yeah,” Niall said nervously, his face red and sweaty. He wasn’t hot, but the overwhelming atmosphere made him sweat.

“Are you okay? I didn’t take it too far, right?” Louis asked cautiously, making sure he didn’t cross any boundaries. Even if they were just roommates, he cherished the friendship they had, and he didn’t want to ruin it.

“No, you didn’t,” Niall leaned up to be face level with Louis, “I liked it. I’ll return the favor soon, okay?” He didn’t just like it, he loved it. Getting flustered was just something Niall was good at, and he wanted to save Louis from his worries.

“Don’t worry about it,” Louis kissed him once more before climbing off the bed and hopping into his. Niall frowned, feeling lonely the moment Louis got under his covers.

The rest of the night was pervaded with silence. Niall had gone to bed a little bit after the practicing, as getting that hot and bothered exhausted him. He didn’t even get to relieve himself, but that was okay. He still appreciated what Louis did.

Louis stayed up, unlike his roommate. Staring at the tiled ceiling, he thought about the initiation tomorrow night. Was Zayn really wanting him to do this? Just to get into a frat? It wasn’t anything he had ever before, but maybe frats were a lot different than what he heard back home.

Louis couldn’t lie to himself and say that the idea of having sex with Zayn was disgusting, because it wasn’t at all, but he barely knew the guy. Zayn was mysterious, leaving a lot for the imagination. He was nice enough to bid on him, and that’s where the association ended.

Before falling asleep, Louis glared at Niall’s sleeping body. He looked so at peace, so calm, and Louis couldn’t help but smile at the resting boy. Surely he had never seen anyone as cute as him in his life. It made his stomach flutter, but he chose to ignore that part. Far too late into the night to start overthinking.

“Goodnight, Niall,” whispered Louis, rolling over in bed and throwing the sheets over himself.

[inukag-archive]

Inuvember Part 2

In honor of @inuvember InuKag Day, the Archive Mods have put together a 30 day InuKag recommendation list: one fic per event prompt, all with a distinct InuKag (as OTP and OT3) flair. Since this is longer than our usual lists, we split it into two parts. Enjoy!

Day 16 Kohaku

Three Is A Crowd by Happy_Ocelot (G)

While stopping by to babysit his cute nieces and nephew, Kohaku comes to the horrifying realization that his beloved sister is in some kind of strange exhibitionist relationship. There were only so many times he could listen to his brother-in-law talking about hitting the ten or twenty children mark before snapping.

Good thing Kagome is there to help.

Humor, post-ending.

Day 17 Kaede

If We Fall Anyway by @soliska (M)

What if the shikon jewel didn’t exist and Naraku never came to be? What if Kagome fell down the well anyway and met a gruff, young inu-hanyou. Would they still become friends? What would be their story?

A tale told in snippets.

Day 18 Totosai

Mamorinuku by Nindeoronra (T)

Inuyasha commissions Totosai to make a new sword. Is it for him or for another?

Day 19 InuKag

Little Family by @xoxopandapanda (T)

Post Canon and A/U: Inuyasha and Kagome's family grows in time, starting with a little child who needs parents to teach him to love.

Day 20 MirSan

Shelter by @lavendertwilight89 (E)

Song fic inspired Stuck with You and Shelter

Inuyasha has been alone most of his life and one moonless night he gets caught up with a young priestess. She saves him and he, in return, helps her. What he doesn't realize is this priestess holds a lot of secrets which may or may not cost both of them their lives...

Day 21 InuKik

Kokoro no Kakera by @callmegri and @kirrtash (M)

She didn’t remember how she got there, only knew that it was warm, and soft. She hadn’t felt warmth since she was brought back to life. Where was she? What happened to her? The last thing she remembered was her reincarnation sitting on the ground next to that waterfall… She didn’t understand why Kagome helped her, again.

When a tired heart starts beating again, gravity itself has to rearrange to make space for it. But old wounds ask for closure before unspoken feelings can bloom, so all the pieces of shattered hearts can fit together.

Day 22 Sess Ships

In Hindsight by @mrfeenysmustache (T)

Hindsight is 20/20. Or.. it’s supposed to be anyway. A Drabble series about overcoming our misconceptions and all the little ways we talk ourselves out of happiness. InuKag Post Canon

Day 23 Kouga Ships

From the Hearts - and the Wrapping Company by @clearwillow (NR)

A gift for UnderwaterOphelia in the IYFF Book Club Secret Santa exchange. Christmas isn't going according to anyone's plans, except Koga's. Between the heat in the apartment making it feel like it's July and the endless boxes Inuyasha and Kagome keep finding, there has to be a good reason for the devious look in their boyfriend's eyes.

Day 24 Other Ships

There's Something In the Mist by @splendentgoddess (X)

A gruesome discovery in the forest is a warning that goes unheeded by the Inu-tachi who have no idea what demonic influences are at play. They will soon have intimate knowledge of what fate awaits them...intimate knowledge of each other.

Day 25 LGBT

The Real Me by @fawn-eyed-girl & @kalcia (E)

Kagome Higurashi is one of the top music journalists in the country, and her latest assignment is to write a story on one of the biggest rock bands in the world: Inutachi. She is immediately attracted to the lead singer, Inuyasha Masaki, a brooding, edgy hanyou who is battling his own inner demons. As Inuyasha and Kagome are increasingly drawn to one another, Kagome becomes more and more determined to discover just what has happened to Inuyasha that caused him to turn down such a dark path, and why she cannot seem to stay away from him.

Day 26 LGBT

Three's Company by @anisaanisa (E)

Threesomes were good. Threesomes were fun. Threesomes were safe. Threesomes didn’t involve feelings. Inuyasha’s in love with his best friend, and it takes five years and long-distance for him to get his head out of his ass.

Day 27 Platonic

Snoring Is the Sixth Love Language by @superpixie42 (T)

Somewhat against his will, Inuyasha finds himself sharing a hut and its one small futon with Shippo after a thunderstorm traps them in a foreign village. But Shippo's snoring means Inuyasha won't be getting any sleep, and instead spends the night alone with his thoughts. A three-year-gap, There Was Only One Bed Prompt fic, filled with found family feels. Rated T for language. Featuring art by Artnisa (AnisaAnisa) !

Day 28 AU

The Captain and the Hanyou by @goshinote (T)

In a world in which youkai have been forced into hiding after the Great War, Captain Higurashi is known as one of the cruelest youkai-hunting pirates. After Captain Higurashi kidnaps Inuyasha, a prized hanyo, a plan is set in motion. Inuyasha will find out Captain Higurashi is nothing like the stories say, and he will discover that nothing is truly as it seems...

Day 29 AU

Aurora by @thunderpot (T)

"It is said that a long time ago in the age of heroes — when Mother Earth was awake and the Gods walked among mortals — there was once a beast created by the Sun that fell in love with a great warrior."

A creative exercise from inuvember prompt: Myth Au

Day 30 Fandom Day

Like Shards of the Shikon (a multi-author/artist collaborative AU)

A little craziness that got too big for Tumblr. "Like Shards of the Shikon" is a live action television version of the popular manga 'Inuyasha'. Follow the actors as they live, learn, and laugh together. Expect fluff, laughs, a little romance on and off screen. A mixture of art and text - we're just making it up as we go. Join the general craziness!

READ PART (1) HERE

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A special shoutout to friend of the Archive @sometimes-icanstillhear-sitboy for creating a series of Inuvember fic-rec TikToks based on this list!

[contagious-watermelon]

It's interesting to me that understandings of transsexuality have been almost exclusively filtered through the lens of queerness and the social aspects of gender. In other words, that the "T" was added to "LGBT." I've thought for a while that in a lot of cases, transness — and specifically dysphoria — makes a lot more sense when analyzed through the lens of disability rather than through queerness. (Personally I see it as being at the intersection between those things.)

I think that a theory of transsexuality would be incomplete without taking into account the societal aspects of gender, yes, but it seems to be similarly incomplete in the popular understanding of it.

I've seen a lot of discussion in the stuff I've read by disabled people about the contention between being objectively harmed or, well, disabled, by your disability, but still wanting to be proud of it or finding identity in it regardless. A lot of autistic communities, I've noticed, talk a lot about the fact that being autistic is difficult; it's made worse by other people's reactions to it, but it still is hard on its own (e.g. auditory overstimulation); yet people still can say that they'd rather be autistic than not. Or they may say they wish they weren't, but that they've come to terms with it because it's not exactly changeable.

Point is, there's open discussion about the differences between inherent challenges to your disability regardless of society, the ways which ableism makes things more difficult, and the contention of finding identity and community in your disability despite that. (And I use autism as an example because I'm autistic; I don't want to speak for, say, a physically disabled community as I'm able-bodied. But I have seen similar discussions there as well.)

The trans community, as I've seen, doesn't really have that. We're polarized between the extremely self-hating people who think that being trans is a curse and that people who like being trans are just fakers co-opting transness, and the toxically positive contingent who refuse to engage with the fact that sometimes dysphoria really does just hurt. And also that transphobia exists.

There's also the fact that in many ways, dysphoria is actually disabling. It isn't for everyone, and part of the problem is that transness as a concept covers so many things that analyzing it through just one lens will always be incomplete, but for me at least it caused me a lot of depression and dissociation, and made it difficult-to-impossible to interact with other people or function at my classes. Back before I medically transitioned, I related a lot to some descriptions by disabled people about their chronic pain, because my dysphoria effectively was chronic psychological pain. I don't want to say it's the same thing, because obviously I've only experienced one of those things, and dysphoria has a treatment while many (all?) chronic illnesses don't, but nevertheless it was a comforting lens to think of my dysphoria through in the time before I got top surgery.

Also of note is the way both our communities are treated by the medical establishment. I've heard many horror stories by disabled people of how doctors simply refuse to diagnose them or give them issues with their meds. Trans people obviously also have to deal with the shit that doctors put out in order to get access to HRT and any necessary surgeries. People deride HRT, saying that we shouldn't take it because it'll "make you a medical patient for life." People act like mental pain isn't real — calling depression fake, acting like because things like fibromyalgia aren't "real pain" that it shouldn't bother you so much, etc. — and that extends too into the way they dismiss the pain of gender dysphoria.

So, I don't really understand why the trans community has taken so many pains to disavow themselves from being considered even remotely similar to disabled people. I know that the common refrain, "we're not mentally ill!" is meant to combat the idea that we're deluded into thinking that we're a "different gender" than we really are, but the effect is throwing actually mentally ill trans people under the bus. The insistence that there's no way that dysphoria should be considered a disorder because there's nothing wrong with us — I just think that we could take a hint or two from the way that disabled people theorize about this subject.