#pushingaway

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

I know I pushed you away, and I deleted every way possible for you to contact me, but I still wish you tried to find a way..

[savemefromtoxic]

🤍 Take time to heal. So you don’t push away the very people the Universe sends to help you. ~ Rick dC @savemefromtoxic #heal #taketime #dontpush #pushingaway #theuniverse #healing #selfaware #emotionalhealth #mentalhealth #atpeace #seekhelp #taketimetoheal https://www.instagram.com/p/Cou2IsDPcJc/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[lostinmyowncage-blog]

The more I want you the less you want me. That's the kind of hurt I dont want to feel anymore. But how can i walk away now?

[takeheart-beloved-blog]

Turn Away... Pushing Away...

The Quickest Path To Self-Destruction Is To Push Away The People That Love You

I'm trying to get the one person who loves me unconditionally to hate me. That way, when I leave this fucked up mess (of a life) I have made, it doesn't hurt him as much. It hurts us temporarily but living with hell in your head hurts more.

When it feels like the dark Lingers longer than the night When the shadows feel like giants Are You chasing me down? Tell me where could I run From Your light, where could I hide

[sesaxton]

All My Exs Live In Texas

My first week of going solo is almost coming to a close. It helps to come home to my fish to unload my thoughts. Though he just fish yells at me until I feed him. I hurt my friend by wanting to be happy being alone. I didn’t want to hurt him but at the same time it was selfish of him to be angry at me for that. It’s like I push men away before I can get hurt again. I have been hurt so many times before. He told me before I hurt him that when his mom first met me she told him she could tell by my eyes that I had a lot of hurt. I guess that is true. I am forever at the edge of crying. I keep it back most days but the slightest thing can tip the scale and I will lose it for a moment.

I think back to these three men that meant something to me and why I pushed them away. They all acted like they really liked me and saw a future with me. (Except for #2). Guy one, the one I dated a few months in the summer said he loved me. I stupidly said it back. It was just a reaction since I wanted it so bad. But we were 100% different. He boasts how he loves everyone and everyone matters but all he posts on facebook is hateful political crap. I had enough and as he isn’t a Christ follower and is also hateful about that too, I knew I could never spend my life with him. Now guy 2 never mentioned love, love actually scares him. Which was the problem since I fell in love with him. I still love him and we talk several times in the week just to check in. But I also felt neglected with him. When we were together it was great, but he wasn’t there for me when I really needed him. He may never love me and I waited so long. Guy 3 was the last one I had. We were just starting out and were friends first. He is honestly a wonderful man but right off the bat he wanted to control me. He wouldn’t stop about the dress I wore to the concert and wanted me to change. Sure it was a bit big, (having trouble finding my size lately). Then I was showing him pictures that really made me happy, he wanted me to delete a bunch of non Godly people from my facebook who happened to be part of me fair family. I honestly show Gods love to everyone so that hurt. He is also so very negative on himself and others. I wanted to just take a break from him and reevaluate it. But he gave up too easily.

The funny thing is if these men truly loved me and saw me in their future they would fucking fight for me. They wouldn’t let me just leave. They would show up to my door with flowers and beg for another chance. They all say they are hopeless romantics but I never saw it at all. Flowers are the most simple of gesture and men don’t get it. I don’t care about expensive stuff just flowers. Show me you really want me. Don’t just let me walk away.

I was talking to my roommate a bit about my situation lately. I mentioned about my ex-husband expecting his first child. She said she would be so mad. I told her I did the mature thing and congratulated him through the slight sting in my heart. I also told her I wasn’t as hurt as I expected to be. It’s like so many hurtful things have happened to me in a year i’m just like “what else do you have?” She looked at me thoughtful and was like “Wow God has something so amazing for you. That usually happens when people go through so much.” Made me happy to hear that. I think so too. I really think God is doing something amazing soon. More then I ever thought and I cry thinking about how much God loves me to pull me out of this hole I am in. To hug me so tight that all the pain goes away and leads me to where He had for me all along. 

Can’t wait to spend mothers day weekend with my little girl.

[poevez]

Some people

Will never know what Love is

Or how to love someone

Or even not knowing

When there pushing someone else away

Until time runs out

It’s very depressing

We fail in the now

Trying to make up for later

Just when the clock ticks

It will get worse

We can’t blame them

Cause they don’t know better

Yet they can’t blame you

Everyone deserve there chance

Treat them better they did you

Just because

Someone may come scoop them

-Shavez

[humanismtoday]

The Religious Right, and its’ support of the vile Donald, is Pushing People Away from Christianity Altogether

https://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2019/09/20/the-religious-right-is-pushing-liberals-away-from-christianity-altogether/

[beauti4soul]

Be Careful Of The Words You Let Come Out Of Your Mouth... 🤐 Always Be Mindful Of Your Own Actions. #BeCareful #BeCarefulWithMe #BeMindful #WordsHurts #ActionsSpeaksTheTruth #ActionsSpeaksLouderThanWords #ThinkBeforeYouSpeak #ThinkBeforeYouReact #PushingAway #Users #BeMindfulOfYourOwnActions #IAm_MsJohnson 💞 https://www.instagram.com/p/B2HlnA6h-wb/?igshid=1gzb1hsapo8fu

[eighteenbutstilltwelve]

Hi so I have this book I wanna right. Here’s an exerpt from it. Please don’t steal but tell me how you feel? Thanks ❤️

I was there. That night, during the summer before we started our sophomore year. Actually, we were all there at the party but I was there for their last and biggest argument almost two years ago. It was two weeks after the accident and two weeks right before school started again.

I saw the two girls arguing on the Preston’s porch halfway through the party. I had lost them all that night so I went looking for them considering I agreed to be the only sober one. I wish I hadn’t, looked for them I mean; I hadn’t minded being sober. Even when I did find them, I didn’t interfere. I wish I had.

I was coming the side of the house when I saw them. They always argued so I didn’t think this time was going to be a big deal. It started with Sammy yelling at Mari about having too much fun. She wanted to get the rest of us and leave. Mari wanted to stay and said something about if Lux where there she would’ve wanted to stay until it ended. Sammy wasn’t having it that night and she already had a couple of drinks so she let her jealousy get the best of her.

“You’re not even hanging out with the rest of us.” By “us” I’m sure she meant her. Anyways, she began again. “You also don’t even know these people.. I mean Abby Preston? What’s that about?”

“Abby Preston offered me a drink because she’s a good host.” Mari answered and smiled. “C’mon Sammy you have GOT TO loosen up. Lux wouldn’t have wanted us arguing at our first high school party.”

“Yea and I bet she wouldn’t want us separated either but now we don’t know where the boys are or even Bex for that matter. They could be finding new groups to hang with just like you were as we speak.”

Mari scoffed and chuckled, also half drunk, “oh Sammy girl are you jealous? I mean that’s priceless considering me and you ALWAYS fight and we’re not even in our sophomore year of high school yet. Let’s not forget to mention that you’re the one who always hurts me or says that it’s my fault and pushes me away, remember?” She paused and calmed herself down a little and grabbed Sammy’s hand. “Still, I’m right here and even if we did fight tonight you and I both know that we’re going to make up in what four weeks maybe less maybe more? Then we’re going to be best friends again because babe I LOVE forgiving you and you love me just the same. That is just who we are and we know that. Anyways this argument is stupid cmon lets go have some fun. Please?”

“Stupid is it?” Sammy began and started up again, not really taking into account every thing Mari had said before. “The only think that’s stupid here is that you’re playing cheerleader for the night and when we go back to school they’re not even going to give a damn, or even remember you for that matter.”

“Well if we have enough drinks I’m sure none of us will remember what happened tonight.” Mari said jokingly trying to pull Sammy in. “C’mooonnn.” She said in a whiny voice and after said while pouting, “Luxy would’ve wanted you to be partying with me.”

Then it changed. The conversation and their friendship took a turn with one stupid, foul, drunken sentence when Sammy said, “You know, since you keep bringing her up..” she paused and took a drink of what she had in her hand. She knew what she was going to say.

“I wish she were here, and you.. well I wish you were in her place. Better yet, I wish you would’ve died in that crash.”

Mari’s mood instantly changed, and she stepped back. I saw her heart break and I felt mine hurt for her. She was shaking, and tears were forming out of both of her eyes. She was speechless until Sammy reached out for her hands.

“Mari Im sorry I didn’t-“

“YOU DIDNT WHAT Sammy?” She said as she pulled away from Sammy’s touch. “You didn’t mean it?! You always say you NEVER mean it. This is different” Rivers of tears are streaming down her face now and her hands are shaking as she tried wiping them away; her breath breaking as she told Sammy, “you know what? I take back every apology every one of our inside jokes, and our sleep overs, and every stupid time we became friends again. Last but not least if you can do me a favor and don’t look or talk to me ever again.. and maybe it’ll be like I did die in that crash..”

She said the last part and turned to go back inside. Sammy tried to grab her but Mari turned away fast enough “DON’T” she said and all Sammy did was drop to the floor. I stopped the tears coming from my eyes so I can go and chase after her but not before walking up the porch myself and picking Sammy up.

“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU HUH?” I looked at her and her eyes were dripping with tears and hurt. “I-“ she couldn’t say anymore. She was too speechless and she covered her mouth with her hands instead of continuing.

Instead of going off on her, I just pick her up and hug her. “Look,” i said. “I need you to go find the boys so we can go. I’ll look for Mari.”

“She won’t come with us if she knows..” her voice broke “if she knows I’ll be there.”

“Well I’m going to try okay? Just find the boys Sammy.”

She nods and leaves to go look for the boys as I head in.

It only took 5 minutes to find her but it took 10 to find an agreement between her and the girls she went to.

I walked in to one of the rooms and heard “Oh Mari Im so sorry this happened to you. You’re such a nice person.” It was Abby and two of her cheerleader friends.

She then responded with “I know right?” I can see she’s calmed down and only a few tears are coming out of her left eye. “I mean, I gave this girl what? 8 years of my life and she just wishes me dead.” She scoffs and shrugs before taking another drink. “Her loss I guess.” She threw up in a bucket that Abby had set aside for her.

I interrupted the conversation and walk up to Mari. “Okay, that’s enough M. Let’s go.”

“No no no Im not gunna go in a 5 car seat car with her.” She was slurring her words and I just knew she had enough.

“Well” I said grabbing her arms. “I promised your mother that I would take you home with the rest of us and she’s really trusting me here especially since I don’t exactly have my license yet.” I said that last part whispering so the other girls didn’t hear.

“A lot of us here don’t have our license yet Bex. We’re literally all underage drinking too. Stop whispering.” She said the last part in a whisper to make fun of me.

“Very funny. Let’s go now.” I grabbed her arm and almost yanked her from the side of the bed but she was strong and resented enough to where I couldn’t pull her all the way.

“I’m not going back there. You can try all you want but we are be here all night.”

I then put my hand on my head and begin paced for a couple minutes until Abby finally looked at me and said, “Just go. I’ll take care of it. I went into her phone and got her mothers number. I can call her and explain what Mari told me, she said her mom would probably understand given their history. I’ll give her mom my address if she wants to pick her up and a bunch of people are staying over anyways. I could always make room for Mari if she can’t come.”

My head was everywhere in that moment and what I remember answering Abby in a quiet voice. “How did you get into her phone?”

Abby was caught off guard and she just answered calmly. “Touch ID? Cmon she’ll be fine. I promise.”

I look at her and just question it. I didn’t know if I could take her promises seriously. I mean in my head, Sammy was right we didn’t really know Abby and she kind of did seem like the mean cheerleader type; I just didn’t know for sure. All I knew was that I had her in some classes freshman year “I dunno.” I end up saying.

“Go. Please.” Mari says. “Make sure they get home safe. I’ll be fine.” She looked at Abby and smiled. I felt like she trusted her. So then, I trusted her.

“Call me in the morning?”

“Yes, I’ll make sure she does.” Abby said knowing Mari wouldn’t remember when she woke up.

“Okay. Thank you.” I said, shortly before turning around and closing the door.

[nionovachristiana]

don't push me, push me away...

Don’t Keep On Driving - The Paper Kites Band

[chirographyx]

When you’re purposely hurting me, you aren’t pushing me away, you’re just simply going to make me become more persistent to fight back.

Excerpt from the book I’ll probably never publish.

[nobomusic]

-I will never allow myself to bring someone else down with me again… #PushingAway #ProblemChild

😢

[thepuzzledisbetter]

D O N E #shewas #shewasnt #she #her #done #donewithpeoplesbull #noinbetween #donewithfakepeople #hurt #hurting #black #white #blackandwhite #onyxhartly #writersofinstagram #poetsofinstagram #poetsociety #writerscommunity #humannature #definitionofliving #mynature #pushingaway #thankyou #thankyouall #thanks