#puru is growing on me

[the-best-bagel]

kamille bidan is so fun seeing him in anything is like a instant seratonin button

[blackknight-100]

I'm absolutely obsessed with how mythology portrays parent-child relationships, especially when at least one divine party is involved. I've talked about Karna and Arjuna's relationship with their fathers, and how it might tie up to their characters and situations, and the Mahabharata as a whole, but they're not the only ones! Speaking exclusively about father-son dynamics in this post, and we have a lot of them!

You have Yudhisthira, whose father Yama/Dharma shows up in his son's mortal life twice (iirc), gives him a 20 min quiz each time and then tells him that no son, we don't allow dogs in heaven (which, how dare, but we all have that one parent). This is so in line with Yudhisthira's arc, poor man that he is, having to spend his whole life finding answers to questions about righteousness and honour, losing his friends, brothers, wife and children in the process.

Rama-Dasharatha and Ganesha-Shiva are pretty straightforward - there's plenty of mutual love and respect despite the horrors ™️ , but then there is Rama and Luv-Kush. If you're counting the Uttar Kand, then these boys literally saw their mother die because there father could not stop questioning her honour. That has to mess with your head. There's no way it's a happily ever after story.

Another man who interests me greatly is Yayati. Like sir... what were you doing. Who grows old and thinks, "You know what would be great? Me borrowing my son's youth" and then curses them when they refuse? What were you thinking. What were your kids thinking. I need to take your heads apart with a scalpel, this is so incredibly insane. A father should give to his children - the only thing this man "gave" was to spare Puru from his curse.

You have Bhishma and Shantanu, another wild story. I understand that Bhishma chose to give up his birthright to make Shantanu happy, but can you actually tell me Shantanu wasn't at least somewhat interested in the plan? Shantanu is Bhishma's father, it's his job to stop him from doing things like this. I feel like pulling my hair out everytime I think of this. You can tell that Bhishma was afraid for his father's well-being when he made this decision, and that so... unfair.

On the other end of the spectrum are Krishna and Vasudeva, who are wholesome to the point of despair. Vasudeva giving up his everything just to get his boy out of prison?? Waiting years and years for him, but never lamenting or cursing Krishna for not coming fast enough??? That's peak fatherhood (Shantanu take lessons). And Krishna honours that sacrifice!! He comes from idyllic Vrindavan, slays the tormentor of his parents and rips the bars of their prison!!! And that old married couple trapped within those dank, dreary walls, with no one except the other for company, watches their godly son turn up to free them and show them the sky for the first time in more than a decade - the thought of it brings me to tears. Possibly the only part I like about the change from baby!Krishna to adult!Krishna is his reunion with Vasudeva and Devaki!

Oh, and last but not least, our favourite problematic pair: Jamadagni and sons. I'm slightly terrified by how Jamadagni was like "kill your mother for me she's sinful >:(" and when four sons refused, he actually killed them. HIS OWN SONS! Admittedly, in some versions he asks Parashuram to do the killing but like... those are his brothers. Who probably swaddled him and rocked him and fed him and played with him. And all this is presumably happening right in front of Renuka. And then Parashuram has to kill his mother as well, unless he wants to be a heap of ashes.

(In some versions, including the one I've always heard as a child, Parashuram is said to be "aware of" his father's immense power, which just seems to me a really polite way to say that Parashuram knew disobeying his father had consequences ™️ that weren't always right or rational)

Worse, after the killing is done, Jamadagni is so pleased he offers Parashuram a boon, presumably with the remains of the rest of his family still nearby, and when Parashuram asks for his mother and brother to be revived, Jamadagni is all like "ooh actually I got really angry, I think I'm going to renounce rage forever. Dw btw your brothers and mother forgot you killed them you're welcome <3"

Sir??? This is what you got out of the whole issue???? No wonder Parashuram killed a whole bunch of kings, this couldn't have been healthy.

[swampstew]

Hey hey, you are the Raven I am cravin’ /eyebrow waggle/ ❤️

I cannot ask for my main man Marco, but I got a request for you I think we’ll both enjoy ^_^

Hit me with some Marimo - relationship style is down bad but no one’s admitting it (until now maybe?) afab they/them. Hobbies are reading, cooking, martial arts, swimming and punning.

Forestcore and nightcore.

Quin you keep talking like that and I'mma shove Zoro out of the way so we can have fun instead! Don't lose your mosshead, keep him on a leash ;)

You are now being connected to your beau…

Purururu puru—

Zoro: Hello? Is this thing even on? Oh you can hear me! Good. We'll be on dry land soon enough, and if you want to hang out or whatever, I'm ok with doing that. TCH No, I don't need you to pick me up, I can find your place on my own. Yes I'm sure! I--hm I have to go, the stupid cook needs the snail. I uhm, look forward to seeing you.

You were pleasantly surprised to find Zoro on your doorstep, on time exactly like he said he would be. You didn't miss the way Franky zoomed away on his motorcycle, all sly-like.

"Told you I knew my way around," the swordsman scratched the back of his head, a pink hue grew on his cheeks as his eyes looked everywhere but you.

"Sure, sure whatever you say Marimo," you grin cheekily, and that made him more flustered.

"TCH, annoying ass. Look we don't have to hangout--"

"Shut up, annoying man!" you bite back, the curve of your lips growing wider as you antagonize your crush.

With a huff, Zoro finally looks you in the eye, the blush on his face deepening, "With an attitude like that, I know exactly what we're going to do first. Hope you still have your sparring gloves."

[l-crimson-l]

Hello! I saw your post asking for Gundam thoughts, so here's mine: what's your take on the reading/interpretation that Suletta's story is a commentary/critique/reflection on both Lalah's and Marida's stories (I don't care about spoilers, so no worries about that)?

Ok so I haven’t thought about Lalah in a HOT minute so excuse me there but there was actually a couple parallels between G Witch and Unicorn.

Speaking about Marida specifically, it was really cool to see a different take on the clone angle. We see Marida, a long lost, forgotten and forsaken Puru clone abused by those who find her and quite literally chopped up to be singularly whatever her “Master” wants her to be. It’s gruesome and horrific but when we first see her she’s escaped some of that abuse and returned to her original purpose which is to be a pilot. Her new “Master” is also someone who doesn’t want to use her like her previous owners but is forced to send her out as a pilot due to circumstance.

Compare this to our first introduction to Suletta and we see a couple different similarities. While she didn’t have to suffer (as much) to get to where she is at the beginning of the show we find out later she also has a “Master” of her own: her mother. And within the course of the first episode she gains a relationship that will grow to guide her to her own happiness.

The more I think about them the more their arcs seem to start and end together but separate at the middle. Suletta is famously unsure about herself and just about every interaction she has with other people. Marida is cool and confident and knows what she is and needs to be for Neo Zeon and her “Master”. But each woman slowly finds out what they want is family to surround them. Suletta fights for her family, both for her wife and to save her sister and mother and to a lesser extent Earth House. Marida floats through life, settling in a place where she’s comfortable being used as a pilot bc it’s what she knows but the man she now calls her Master never wanted to be and actively dislikes being called that. It’s at the peak of Marida’s arc that we learn her “Master”, Suberoa Zinnerman, only wants to take care of her as his daughter, in place of the one he lost. Marida is no replacement, but she’s here and he’ll do what he can to keep her safe. Even if that means dangling from a single cable in the upper stratosphere.

These two ladies couldn’t be any more different from the outside, but where they differ they reflect one another, in how confident they are, how they try to attain their goals, but they each have the determination to reach their dreams and make them their own. You could argue Marida doesn’t get to keep her family, but as a Newtype, Marida gets to exist within time itself so she’s always going to be there.

This is making me want a spinoff of these two bc I just think they’d be a lot of fun. And I think Marida would help encourage Suletta to be more confident and sure of herself.

I don’t do a lot of these breakdowns but I hope it makes sense lol these two ladies begin and end at the same place but even where they differ they reflect one another and are joined in that way. And I think that’s neat. Two separate ways of getting to the same place. Give these ladies a hug (and a Marida some ice cream)

[akwolfgrl]

Good luck, babe

Day 6 jealously/ flirting vivi x koza & ex Nami x vivi

@oprarepairweek

The worst day of Namis life, after the day her mother died, started out just the same as any other day on the Sunny.

Nami paid the news coo as she took the paper. It was rather thick this afternoon, she had been hoping for something inserting, maybe a bit of gossip or new bounty poster updates. Something to distract her from her worries, it had been two whole months since vivis last perfume soaked letter. She opened up the paper and there on the front cover was her Vivi, all done up in her regail fitting for the queen she was, she had a bright smile upon her face. Nami might have to cut it out to add to the plie of love letters. She hoped that Vivi would send her a new one soon. The other womens perfume had mostly faded away and how Nami ached to smell the women she loved once again. Right next to her was Koza, Nami might have liked Koza at one point but the way Vivi went on about him in her letters made Nami grow resentful and jealous of the man. He got to be next Vivi, he got to see her beautiful smile, her long blue hair, her big brown eyes, he got to be with the women Nami loved every single day.

“Queen Nefertari Vivi and her new Prince consort Koza, a royal wedding for the ages!” Nami read out loud in shock. “Pictures of the beautiful royal wedding inside,”

The newspaper edges crumpled in her hands. This could be happening! Nami flipped the paper hunting down the wedding photos, her heart shatting in her chest. They looked good together, he had even taken off his stupid glasses, that should be her next to Vivi! Her cheeks were wet as her tears flowed freely. Oh how could Vivi do this to her!? Nami wanted to turn the Sunny around and kill that man for stealing her Vivi away! She could electrocute him or sweep him away with a tornado.

“Nami-swan? Are you okay?” Sanji's voice distracted her from thoughts of murder.

“No, I'm not OK! Oh Sanji, how could she do this to me?” Nami sobbed, thrusting the paper in the blonde's face.

“Oh Nami, I'm so sorry. You hundred times prettier and smarter then Koza could ever hope to be,”

“Then why is she marrying him!” She screamed at him, it wasn't his fault but the one she was angry with wasn't here.

“It could be political, maybe the WG had a hand in it or maybe to strengthen Vivis power and stability, sadly not all marriages are for love,” Sanji would know, having almost married off himself.

“But she could have warned me! A letter or a call!” Nami shouted. “I shouldn't have to find out like this!”

“Let me make you some tea,”

“Fuck the tea, I need some alcohol,” Nami swore, she didn't want to calm down.

***

Nami threw back the cocktail Sanji made her barley tasting it, she slammed the glass down on the round table. She rummaged under the bar threw the Liquor cabinet, Sanji had left to gather the rest of the strawhats.

“puru puru puru”

“Shit!” Namis personal Den den went off, she whacked her head on the underside of the table. She sat back down on her seat and cracked open the bottle of triple sec, she wasn't Zoro so she poured it in the cocktail glass instead of chugging it straight from the bottle. “Hello?” She answered the den den before throwing back the drink.

“Nami,” Vivi's voice sounded from the small snail. “Did you see the paper?”

“You bet I fucking did! What the hell Vivi? Is this how I find out we're breaking up! What does he have that I don't!” Nami screamed. “I thought we were in love? What happened to all our plans for the future?” Nami poured another glass and drank it. She hoped the rest of the crew didn't join her right now, it was too private.

“You're right, I'm so sorry. I knew if I told you ahead of time you would talk me out of it. But this is what's best for my people, my country. I’m the queen now. I have a responsibility to them, Koza has been here the whole time. I love you Nami, I miss you so much. You are a pirate, you have a large bounty on your head. I worry every night that you'll be caught and end up like Luffy's brother. I'm sorry but as much as I love you I love my country and people more, I hope someday you can forgive me,” Nami couldn't believe she was jealous not just of a man but of an entire country.

“Stop with the excuses! You're right I would have tried to stop you, but don't come calling me begging me to take you back! I'll only tell you I told you so! How many damn times did I tell you that you were more than just a princess? That you deserve to chase your own happiness?”

“Nami I…”

“Your majesty your meeting with the degadison is about to start,”

“Oh thank you, Nami I have to go I'm so sorry,” With that she was gone. The love of her life just gone forever.

The crew piled in and surrounded her, Luffy placing his hat atop of her head. Zoro drank with her shot for shot, the only other one who could keep up with her. Sanji made all her favorite meals until everyone was stuffed. Chopper and Robin figured out what Vivis perfume was so she could keep something of the blue hair women's until she was ready. They spent the night in the aquarium bra, the blankets and pillows turned into a makeshift fort that they managed to squeeze everyone inside of. Nami wasn't okay, but with her Nakama she knew one day she would be.

[scarletlotus182]

Just finished ZZ Gundam~!

Some scattered thoughts on the finale and on the show itself

Final episode was a solid 7/10. It felt a lot like they were trying to capture the magic that was in the final confrontation between Char and Amuro in the original MSG but didn't have nearly the same build up. And I feel like that's a huge shame because Haman herself has had a massive buildup as a villain and was FANTASTIC, Judau, also a great protagonist. I fucking love Judau and Haman as our main figures! But they really just didn't have much chemistry, imo.

I like that the finale tried to wrap up a lot and put a neat little bow on things rather than just immediately end after the bad guys' hq exploded (though it was great in MSG) but it felt like a lot of context was missing. Still, it was all worth it to see Kamille recovered and earn his happy ending. I did also like that the ZZ Gundam carried the will of all the people lost in the show AND Zeta, I was so happy to see Four again :' )

---

Overall, I liked ZZ a lot, and I'm glad I stuck with it. It certainly wasn't perfect and while there's things about it I liked more than other gundam series, I don't think I'd place it above Zeta. It kind of rubs me the wrong way the way that puru and puru two get discarded and how quickly everyone moves on from it. Especially because Puru, imo, was the best character in the show. Yeah she was a brat and really annoying sometimes but we also got to see her grow and struggle with her programming. I get it's part of the message but it's really sad to me that none of the cyber newtypes ever managed to recover and all met horribly tragic endings.

I find Judau to be a really fun protagonist too who strikes a bit of a middle ground between Amuro and Kamille's maturity and growth throughout the series. But something that never stopped bugging me was how kind of one-track minded he was and how he always manages to brush people off, especially those that care about him. Maybe it really is because he's the youngest protag yet but there were some parts that just got me really frustrated with the writing.

I also felt the Roux/Judau pairing comes in out of nowhere. Really, Judau kinda shows no interest in anyone and to me I feel like he could be read as aro/ace.

Still, as far as ships go my opinions are 1. Roux/Elle 2. Judau/Elle 3. Haman/Me 4. Maybe a hot take- Beecha/Iino

and that's all the messy thoughts I have on ZZ after finishing it

[afeelgoodblog]

Best News of Last Week

Edition #018 - A lot of environmental news this week:

1. Octopuses, crabs and lobsters to be recognized as sentient beings under UK law following LSE report findings

Octopuses, crabs and lobsters will receive greater welfare protection in UK law following an LSE report which demonstrates that there is strong scientific evidence that these animals have the capacity to experience pain, distress or harm.

The UK government has today confirmed that the scope of the Animal Welfare (Sentience) Bill will be extended to all decapod crustaceans and cephalopod molluscs.

2. Great Barrier Reef 'gives birth' in massive coral spawning event

Australia's Great Barrier Reef is spawning in an explosion of color as the World Heritage-listed natural wonder recovers from life-threatening coral bleaching episodes.

Scientists on Tuesday night recorded the corals producing billions of offspring by casting sperm and eggs into the Pacific Ocean off the Queensland state coastal city of Cairns. The annual spawning event lasts for two or three days.7

3. Germany's new government to give millions of people a 25% pay rise by hiking the minimum wage

Germany plans to increase its minimum wage by the equivalent of nearly $3, or a 25% rise. It's part of a deal agreed by a three-party coalition to form a new government.

As many as 10 million workers could receive a pay rise in Germany under plans unveiled by the country's incoming government.

4. Portugal to stop using coal

Portugal becomes fourth EU country to stop using coal plants. Environmental activists are welcoming the end of electricity generation from coal in Portugal, though they said Monday the possible conversion of the country’s last coal-fired power plant into one that burns wood pellets would be a step in the wrong direction.

The Pego plant located 150 kilometers (90 miles) northeast of the Portuguese capital Lisbon stopped generating over the weekend, as Portugal became the fourth European Union country to stop burning coal to produce electricity. Belgium quit coal in 2016, and Austria and Sweden followed suit last year.

5. Unconscious mom saved by heroic 3-year-old who learned to call police from cartoon

A three-year-old boy from West Midlands, U.K. dialed police after his mom fell unconscious earlier this month, having picked up the skill from an unlikely source: a YouTube cartoon. The heroic toddler's impressive abilities, especially in a time of crisis, underscores the life-saving potential of teaching children how to handle emergencies from a young age.

Toddler Thomas Boffey dialed 999 after his mom, 33-year-old Kayleigh Boffey, fell down the stairs. Upon hitting her head, the mom reportedly lost consciousness. Because he had watched Robocar Poli—an animated kids' show from South Korea that features a police car, ambulance, and fire engine—Boffey knew to call 999.

6. You can’t see them to count them, but Amazonian manatees seem to be recovering

Following intense commercial hunting from the 1930s to the 1950s, scientists and community members are seeing signs that the manatee population in the Amazon is growing. A study carried out in the Piagaçu-Purus Sustainable Development Reserve in the state of Amazonas shows large manatee populations nearby human communities, apparently co-existing in peace.

7. The world finally has a malaria vaccine.

Since 2019, more than 800,000 African children have had at least one dose of the RTS,S vaccine as part of a pilot in Ghana, Kenya and Malawi. Now, with the right investment, millions more children could be immunized and grow up with less malaria, fewer hospitalizations and healthier lives.

____

That's it for this week. Until next week,

You can follow me on twitter . Also, I have a newsletter :)

Subscribe here to receive a collection of wholesome news every week in your inbox :D

[brokutosan]

Title. How Do You Mend When You’re Worlds Apart? (We Carry On)

Pairing. Iwaizumi Hajime x Fem!Reader

Summary. In which long distance is hard. Inspired by the song ‘Make It Better’ by Anderson Paak.

Warnings. Pure angst, also doesn’t have much dialogue. Manga spoilers up to the latest chapters and strong language included. Title is a line from the song ‘Make It Better’ by Anderson Paak.

In highschool, Iwaizumi and Y/N were inseparable. Wherever one is, chances are the other is nearby. They were the perfect model couple, proof that highschool sweethearts aren’t always doomed to be just that. Maybe it’s because both were equally mature, or maybe it’s because of the fact that the two of them kept Oikawa on a leash, but anything the world threw at them, the two felt ready for it.

So when Iwaizumi decided to purue his dreams across the ocean, she was fine with it. And so were all of their friends. If anyone could handle long distance, it would be Iwaizumi and Y/N. Because they were Iwaizumi and Y/N, and Iwaizumi and Y/N were inseparable.

Turns out putting an entire ocean between an inseparable couple could, in fact, separate them. Iwaizumi and Y/N became Iwaizumi, student at UC Irvine, and Y/N, student at Tokyo University. The distance between them grew harder to ignore over time.

It wasn’t something that happened overnight. And to be fair, they lasted a good three years making it work before going down the hell hole of late night (or morning, for one of them) arguments and distrust clouding their judgements. After a while, the two realize that the distance has taken its toll on them. Y/N thinks that it’s because they’re too used to being around each other, but now that they’re not, they’ve become more sensitive to even the tiniest matters. Iwaizumi thinks it’s all just bad communication.

Either way, anyone could tell that they’re only uselessly holding onto something that’s very clearly broken. Perhaps it’s the fact that they’ve already put in over six years into their relationship, and that giving it up now would mean giving up those six long years together. And no one wants to be the one that says, “Yeah, I wasted six long years with an idiot only for it to all go down the drain.”

Y/N first realizes this was the case after a night of drinking with her college classmates. She definitely had too much alcohol in her system that night, but she’s always been the type to be hyper aware of her surroundings. She wasn’t the type to do something she knows she would regret the morning after.

Her first explosive fight with Iwaizumi happens a few hours after she drunk herself under the table, at around three in the morning (or dinner time for Iwaizumi). Y/N made sure to be responsible enough to get herself home safe, under her own sheets, but Iwaizumi thought different. Y/N spent the following hours until her first class to explain to her enraged boyfriend that no, that woman in the background of Takahiro’s snapchat story sucking some douchebag’s face off isn’t me!

The months that follow that catalystic event were spent like they were walking through a minefield, any small argument setting off a bigger one that usually ended in tears. At one point Y/N was nearly tempted to throw her phone out the window and completely cut off connections with Iwaizumi, but knowing him, he’d probably catch the first flight back home just to chew her ear off.

What seems to be the worst fact of it all is that they were never like that in the beginning. But at this point there’s no more going back. It’s like they’re stuck in a burning car, but they don’t want to jump out. They’re only options are to just try and put out the flames or wait for the car to crash and burn.

Today is no different.

Y/N is invited by her old highschool friends, Matsukawa and Hanamaki, to go out for drinks. Y/N complies because no one would refuse a free dinner and drinks. But as she steps out her apartment, dressed casually enough but still putting in a little effort in her appearance, Y/N receives a facetime call from none other than Iwaizumi himself, who looks more pissed off than usual.

“What’s wrong?” Y/N asks as she notices his frown, genuinely concerned.

“Are you going somewhere?” Iwaizumi evades the question. Oh well. She expected this. Y/N has known her boyfriend long enough to know that there really is something wrong, he’s just too pissy to admit it.

“Yeah. With Takahiro and Issei.” She replies curtly, grabbing her purse and house keys from the side table and unlocking the door. Iwaizumi freezes, not saying anything. Y/N almosts hangs up thinking it’s due to poor connection, until he speaks up again.

“Oh. Nevermind then.” What the fuck? Y/N thinks to herself, though has half the mind to know not to say it out loud. Instead she says, “If there’s something bothering you, just tell me. Hiro and Issei can wait.” Her offer is met by another few seconds of silence, before Iwaizumi sighs and says, “No, it’s fine. Have fun. Stay safe.” The - once usual - ‘I love you’ is lost somewhere, probably amidst his pride and whatever the fuck was bothering him.

As he ends the call, Y/N decides to press any further. Lately she’s realized that the best way to prevent arguments with him was to just ignore the things bothering her. Destructive? Definitely. But is it effective? One hundred percent. Y/N argues that it’s the lesser of two evils, and if one of those evils is a furious Iwaizumi, then she’d rather take her chances with whatever’s the other option.

The whole commute to the izakaya she agreed to meet her friends in is filled with a mental dilemma of whether or not she should call him back. And she stays that way ‘til she gets to the place and Matsukawa, the attentive bastard, is asking her, “Why do you look like shit?”

“Damn, you really hate the thought of seeing us that much?” Hanamaki adds on, because Hanamaki and Matsukawa come in pair and when one is teasing you, then chances are the other one is too.

“Kinda regretting it now. Is it too late to turn back?” Y/N jokes, but is only ushered over by her two smirking friends. Y/N, despite her contempt, complies and sits down on one end of the booth.

“You can’t run away from us. Like you physically can’t. You love us too much.” And she hates how much she knows he��s right, but she’s not telling them that because they’ll never let her live it down.

“Disgusting. Someone kill me right now.” Y/N fake gags, smiling at the waiter as he passes by with a weird look on his face. Hanamaki and Matsukawa laugh, before Hanamaki’s face straightens into a serious look.

“Oh yeah, did Iwaizumi tell ‘ya yet?” He mentions nonchalantly. Y/N wants to say, ‘no, because talking to that moron only makes my head hurt,’ but she doesn’t, mostly because they’d probably obsessively worry over it. Instead she says, “Tell me what?”

They share a look.

“Wait, seriously? I thought you’d be the first to know.” It’s Matsukawa that speaks up first, with a bewildered look on his face. “I mean no offense but aren’t you two usually the lovey dovey jackasses that can’t keep secrets from each other?”

“Yeah. I’m still not over you telling him about my Hatsune Miku shrine.” Hanamaki adds, though it’s unappreciated by Matsukawa, who throws him a dirty look and a, “What the fuck, man. Stop bringing that shit up.” Hanamaki looks at his friend with ‘hurt’ laced in his face before firing back, “Stop disrespecting my wife, asshole!”

“Are you two done?”

The two supposed grown men halt their little ‘back-and-forth,’ and Hanamaki perks up again remembering the previous topic at hand.

“Oh yeah! So Iwaizumi really didn’t tell you?” She could only shake her head ‘no,’ taking a sip of the mediocre beer in her hands. She makes a mental note to remind herself never to let Hanamaki pick which izakaya they’re going to.

“You’re both pissing me off, what did he not tell me?” Y/N grumbles, growing impatient. It could just be because the beer is far too stale for her taste. Why is this place still open?

“Apparently Oikawa went to visit him two days ago and the two idiots had a big fight. I heard it almost got physical this time.” So that’s wny he looked so pissed off earlier. Lately the only facial features he’s shown her are anger and discontent, so maybe she thought nothing of it when he did it again just an hour ago. She feels horrible, but not too much.

“Something about Oikawa not taking his bad knee seriously enough. Honestly I think Iwaizumi got mad because he’s been studying about it for three years now.” Hanamaki adds, raising his glass to ask for another cup of beer. Y/N doesn’t care as much anymore about the shitty beer, but she still gives him a weird look for being so into it.

“Oh.” Arguments be damned, Y/N still had to save face. If anyone were proud supporters of her and Iwaizumi’s relationship, it’s these two idiots arguing over a meme on Hanamaki’s phone right across the table. She racks her brain for any plausible excuse as to why she wasn’t made aware of something this big, but her mind drew a blank.

“It is kinda weird you weren’t the first to find out. Granted we had to find out from Oikawa, but if anything I was sure Iwaizumi would’ve already went crying to you.” Hanamaki muses. Oh no. Y/N knows that tone, and when Hanamaki, of all people, uses it...then she’s thoroughly fucked.

“Is there something you’re not telling us?” Matsukawa completes. Y/N tries not to laugh at the fact that they still try to complete each other’s sentences, despite the fact that they were just arguing about which Spongebob meme is better just a few seconds ago.

“Nothing, really. I haven’t really gotten the chance to check in on Hajime, with exams and all.” Y/N lies through her teeth. They were just arguing three days ago about something Y/N can’t even remember now.

“Uh huh, sure. Let me know when you pull your head out of your ass.” Hanamaki retorts. Y/N resists the urge to reach over the table and wipe that stupid smirk off his face.

“Shut up, blondie.”

“Uh, that’s strawberry blondie to you.”

“You’re both completely going off topic. Y/N, why didn’t Iwaizumi tell you anything?” Matsukawa leans over the table, wearing that unreadable facial expression he used to wear back in highschool, during a match, going up for a block. Y/N momentarily thinks how fortunate she is for not being one of those they’ve went against in highschool.

“Shouldn’t you be asking Hajime that?”

“We should, but he’s not here right now. You are. I mean you two were always like two halves of one whole, right?” Hanamaki presses on, forgetting all about their previous argument. She lets his words settle in. Two halves of one whole, huh? Suddenly Y/N is brought back to one of their most recent arguments. About their future together. Or lack of one.

Y/N looks down at her stale mug of beer, feeling hypnotized by the amber color that’s reflecting her face with a look of concern. Though she has no reason to be. Ever since getting into a relationship with Hajime, and faling into the same crowd, most conversations around her usually revolved around the topic of their relationship. It never bothered her before, so why is it bothering her now?

And it hits her. Not as a life changing revelation, but rather something she’s always known deep, deep, deep down.

That just like how she’s been needlessly obsessing over the horrible tasting beer, she’s been needlessly clinging onto something that’s not there anymore. Just like how despite this izakaya being their usual meeting place whenever they found the time to hang out, the beer tasted different today, of all days. Just like how now, Y/N finally snaps herself awake and completely understand that her and Iwaizumi, just aren’t in love anymore.

They tried, the past few months filled with arguments being a testament to how they fought tooth and nail to salvage what’s left of a bygone feeling.

Right. The argument. Three weeks ago, Iwaizumi had called her a few hours past midnight in Tokyo, excited to reveal that “Yes! I’m going to start my internship with Takashi Utsui right after graduation!” And instead of being excited for him too, Y/N picked a fight. That one was totally her fault, she admits. She pressed him on the importance of their relationship, on the importance of distance, and how the one between them is slowly eating them alive. Iwaizumi cut off communication with her for a week, before Y/N finally apologized only for them to be amidst another argument now, just two weeks later.

Y/N realizes she’s been quiet for too long, when the noise of the izakaya draws back in and she’s rudely brought back to her senses by an annoyed Matsukawa snapping his fingers in front of her face. “Are you okay?”

The question lets loose an abundance of emotions, some she can’t quite put a finger on, but she knows is bothering her. It’s been too long since someone checked in on her like that, so genuinely. So concerned. Oh god. Was she turning into a touch starved idiot like Oikawa?

“Uh, I - I don’t know.” Is her pathetic response. The two men in front of her share another look, before Hanamaki simply sighs, “We’ll drop it, sorry. You can talk when you’re ready.”

And as if a switch has been flipped, they fall into a smoother conversation, one about school and their social lives. How Hanamaki heard that Yahaba and Kyoutani went to New York together for God knows why, and how Kindaichi’s finally starting for his Division 2 team. Y/N, on the other hand, can’t seem to focus. Perhaps it’s the thing she was thinking about earlier. Okay. It’s definitely that.

Eagerly, Y/N shoots up and slings her bag over her shoulders, muttering, “Sorry, I have to go.”

“Pay for your drinks, cheapass!” Hanamaki half-jokingly calls out, also standing up. Matsukawa grabs his wrist, seemingly understanding something and leaving the strawberry blonde out of the loop.

“Don’t. I think this might just be serious.”

-

Upon stepping back into the comfort of her room, Y/N turns on her phone, fingers hovering just above the call button. She was so sure of it before, at the izakaya, but now that she’s had time to think, she doesn’t know what to say.

Wait - no, she’s breaking up with him. That’s for sure. She’s not exactly confident she could take another second being in ticking time bomb of a relationship, but how does she even begin the conversation? Iwaizumi was her first everything, and that might just include first break up. How do people even do this? She feels like she’s about to rip the guy’s heart out of his chest, and that’s not something she could live with.

Fuck it, Y/N thinks to herself as she presses the call button. Iwaizumi picks up after three rings, voice grumpy as ever. “Yeah?” Now Y/N feels like a bitch for doing this over a phone call. But it’s not like she could book a flight to California with the money she doesn’t exactly have, just to break up with her boyfriend of six years. So she improvises.

“Can you get on Skype?”

She hears rustling on the other end of the call, and the telltale sound of a zipper being unzipped. “Sure.”

A few moments later, she’s connected to the call, and now that she’s looking directly at Iwaizumi’s face through her laptop screen, does Y/N finally realize what she’s about to do. Before the guilt could even start to settle in, Iwaizumi opens his mouth and starts the conversation.

“I thought you were going out.” He states, face still scrunched up into that nasty scowl from earlier. Knowing the reason behind it, a fight with his best friend, Y/N isn’t as bothered by it. Okay maybe it’s bothering her. Dumping him while he’s down? She didn’t even know she was capable of something so heinous.

“I was out. I just got back home though.”

“Oh.” He looks like he wants to press further, but something’s holding him back. The same something that’s been causing him to lash out for the past few months. Y/N doesn’t miss the conflicted look on his face, nor does she miss the sigh that he lets out. Good. He’s just as exhausted as she is. Might make this a whole lot easier.

“Is there a reason why you wanted to call?” He offers an olive branch first, and Y/N happily accepts it. “Yeah, actually, there is.” She gulps, probably hard enough for him to hear, but her nerves are starting to get the best of her.

He stares at the camera, probably waiting for her to go on, then. Well, jokes on him. Y/N’s waiting too. Waiting for her to gather enough figurative balls to say what needs to be said.

“Um - okay, so,” Y/N starts, very lamely, “it’s about us.” Iwaizumi looks like he’s about to say something, but Y/N is quick to interject, “Wait! Let me just let it all out. Before I go completely crazy. And then you can talk. Yell. Curse, whatever you feel like doing after I say what I’m about to say.”

“I’m not gonna do any of that.”

“Okay. Good. Because I might cry if you do. And if I cry then I definitely won’t get to say what needs to be said.” Y/N is speaking out of her ass, that much she could tell. She could also tell he’s losing his patience, which she doesn’t totally blame him for.

“I think I know where this is going. You can say it.” Iwaizumi sounds a lot calmer, which is good, because Y/N doesn’t really know how she’d take it if he wasn’t. And then she looks down, fiddling with her fingers on her lap and the ring on her pinky finger that Iwaizumi gave to her before leaving for college.

And then Y/N decides to rip the bandage off, “I think we should break up.”

A sigh.

Not exactly her first choice of a reaction, but she’d take a sigh over a full blown confrontation any day. In fact, she’s probably a little too relieved that that was his first reaction. Means he’s thought about it too, and that she’s not the only one feeling guilty about all this.

“I’m sorry.” Y/N finds herself saying, still not daring to look up into the computer screen. She realizes how ironic it is that the calmest conversation they’ve had in months is when they’re about to break up.

“Don’t be. It’s both our faults.” He reassures her. And she finally looks up, catching her reflection on the webcam and how her eyes are slightly red and watery. (But so are his).

“Trust me I know,” Y/N finds the strength to force out a bitter laugh, and adds, “but I just...am. I’m sorry we couldn’t make it work. I really wanted it to work.”

“So did I.” Iwaizumi offers a bittersweet smile, reminding her that this probably hurts for him just as much as it did for her. “But we couldn’t. And that’s on both of us. Don’t feel the need to take all the blame.”

“God, Oikawa’s gonna fucking lose it. He rooted for us so hard.” Y/N lets out a genuine laugh, remembering her chocolate haired friend that’s probably going to cry harder than they do combined. And then silence engulfs them. Conversation that used to flow so smoothly between them long gone, and the connection they had as lovers severed.

“Um, I’ll catch up with you soon. Take it easy okay?” Iwaizumi finally speaks up, probably sick of the silence. “Yeah, sure. Talk to you soon.” Except she doesn’t. In fact, the next time Y/N hears from Iwaizumi is at his welcome home party, two years later. And by then they’ve both probably moved on (she can’t really speak for Iwaizumi), to bigger and better things, and hopefully to other people.

-

“And it’s easier to walk away, than to look for what would make you stay.” - Anderson Paak.

A/N. Reposted because I wanted to edit it a bit. An izakaya is basically a traditional Japanese bar! Ending is a bit rushed, but I kinda just wanted to finish it on a slightly bittersweet note?? Thank you for reading tho, I’m gonna go cry now :) - chuu

[incognitowetrust]

WIP stuff I’m still doing,

but I’m throwing down what I got so far because I’m lazy. 

Because... you know... world building, I always make a surplus of background characters. Captain Pop is fond of his crew, so I don’t want it to be a whole bunch of faceless nobodies, there needs to be a handful of people who are actual named people with designs and characteristics that set them apart from one another. 

Originally I was gonna make a post after I got more of the crewmates designed and drawn, but it was taking a really long time and I was kinda dragging myself down, so you’ll just have to see more of the crew another time. 

But at least I got a few of them done. I tried to make a “size reference” to try and think about the exact scale each character is to one another, idk, I guess this looks about right. 

I may or may not give Tamper some color alterations in the future, like, I could have given her a skin texture, or spots or something, but I didn’t have the attention span for it at the moment. 

Tamper- She’s someone who’s known Pop longer than most, in fact, she usually calls him “Poppy”, and she kinda has an unspoken authority over newbies. She has a tall, slim build, and her fighting style is kinda like... a dancey jabby thing.

She’s not scared of much, and generally has a sassy, playful tone. She might tease people a lot, but never anything that would be mean-spirited. 

Originally, she was a mercenary long ago. 

 Tbh one of her defining traits is a mixture of two things, the Croagunk that would poison-jab Brock and knock him out as a running joke, and that one gal from The Last Airbender who could temporarily paralyze people. Yeah, just kinda stole that for Tamper, she jabs people with her weird hands and feet and wherever she hits, that part of the person’s body will go numb and limp.

She much prefers to sucker-punch and dart off than to brawl purely based on brawn. She’s very quick, and can be a tricky opponent if she’s able to move around a lot, but if she’s cornered and in a small space she might be in trouble. 

Tamper has been around long enough to have witnessed Soft grow up. She’s kinda like his... sassy lesbian aunty.     

Kumara- I wanted to make a character that looked like he could be the same race as Dodoria, because Dodoria is lorge and friend-shaped. And it’s good to put love and affection into characters that aren’t always stereotypically cute. 

Another long-time crew mate. He works as a cook, and due to being around so long he’s also someone who has a certain level of authority. Due to the amount of people who call The Patched Chimera (the name of Pop and Starlight’s big ol’ ship) home, he’s not the only cook on board. 

He’s got quite a temper, and it’s best not to do stupid shit in “his” kitchen that might get someone hurt, or waste food. His temper might give a first impression that he’s mean and scary, but he’s really not. Soft grew up talking to Kumara about his feelings when he wasn’t always comfortable sharing them with Pop, and Soft became a good cook because he enjoyed helping Kumara out in the kitchen and learning from him. 

Puru- She started out in life as a bit of a rough-and-tumble delinquent and drifter.

 In the past, she once snuck onto a spaceship without paying to be there in order to stowaway and pretty much get easy-travel, but she was found out, and since she couldn’t pay to be there “properly”, she was put to work as a janitor. Puru was paired up with an elderly janitor named Umqua, so someone could oversee her work and keep an eye on her while Puru was on the ship. Umqua was a pretty no-judgey sort of person who was actually pretty used to young people who got into trouble, and even though they didn’t end up knowing each other for long, she finally had a reason to warm up to someone. 

However, the ship had a nasty encounter with pirates, ones that were either from Veal’s crew, or from the crew that would become Veal’s crew (time-wise I’m not 100% sure on when the event would line up to when Veal killed the original Captain and was like “I’m the Captain now” and everyone just went with it) ransacked the ship and attacked people. Umqua managed to hide Puru before the pirates got to them, fearing what might happen to her if she were found. The pirates had figured out Umqua was hiding someone, but he did not give her away, and wound up killed for it. 

Naturally, Puru has a grudge against Captain Veal’s men. At some point, she joined Pop’s crew. 

She doesn’t particularly like to be outwardly affectionate towards others, but she’s come to really care about people. Puru has a habit of latching onto people and fussing over them, and may give the impression of being annoying and bossy, but really she’s just very protective, and has made it a personal goal of hers to not be “weak”, and guard the well being of people she likes. 

-----

Okay, y’all, I’ll have to come back with more crew mates next time. I’ll rush the descriptions for now, but here are crew mates that have a name and that I plan on drawing sometime... sometime... don’t rush me, I’m a snail. 

Clicker- A guy who barely talks, and doesn’t really have much interest to socialize with people, but Pop likes him. When he joined, he took his “dogs” with him, and so the ship has big ol’ good bois. 

Snick- Clicker’s waifu. Smol round stout lady. Heals wounds and likes to help plants grow. Talks a little more than Clicker, but is still pretty quiet. 

Anesco- A young man who grew up on The Patched Chimera, under the care of his mother, Imoya, and without being able to communicate with his father (Nesco) much, on account of the father being on The Frieza Force, and Imoya also having mixed feelings about that. Anesco sees Pop as a fatherly figure, and is always trying to prove himself to him. Anesco is about the same age as Gelato, and can be considered his non-icejin cousin. 

Chaiv- A young child who was taken in, because otherwise might have ended up pretty bad off. Being so young, they have difficulty knowing how to use their ki responsibly, as well as needing to simply get used to it, and their power is already pretty decent. They probably won’t grow up to be OP, just, you know, kiddo had a head start. Chaiv is too young to be left alone unattended in case they accidentally hurt themselves or others, or get into other trouble due to the young age. 

[bimbles-and-simbles]

Gen Three - Autumn Prism

This is a long one, so under the cut it goes

If I Die Young - The Band Perry

Born To Die - Lana Del Ray

Come on! Come on! - Morgan Laurence

Feel it Still - Portugal. The Man

...Ready For It? - Taylor Swift

Dracula - Bea Miller

I Feel Like I’m Drowning - Two Feet

I Was Made For Loving You - Tori Kelly, Ed Sheeran

If I COuld I Would - Esmee Denters

A Thousand Years - Christina Perri

Tension - Kira Puru

Move - Little Mix

Cherry Bomb - The Runaways

Die Young - Kesha

Loser - Jullian Moon

I’ll be Good - Jaymes Young

You Are The Reason - Calum Scott

Kids Again - Artist Vs Poet

The Other Side - Alessia Cara

Jealous - Labrinth

I Found - Amber Run

In My Veins - Andrew Belle

This Is Why I Need You -Jesse Ruben

Mean - Taylor Swift

Novocaine - Fall out Boy

Save Yourself, I’ll Hold Them back - My Chemical Romance

You Said You’d Grow Old With Me - Michael Shulte

Make Me (Cry) - Shaun Reynolds, Esmee Denters

I Knew You Were Trouble - Taylor Swift

The Night - Aurelio Voltaire

Give In - Vera Blue

Vampire - Nitemayor

I don’t Wanna Love Forever - ZAYN, Taylor Swift

Breathe Me - Sia

Call It What You Want - Taylor Swift

Again - Flyleaf

The Light behind Your Eyes - My Chemical Romance 

How Long - Charlie Puth

Young And Beautiful - Lana Del Ray

Somebody To Die For - Hurts

The Story never ENds - Lauv

Wolf In Sheeps Clothing - Set It oFf

Red Like Roses, Pt II - Jeff Williams, Casey Lee Williams

[lumo-arcanorum]

IN PRAISE OF MMM

This is another repost, but from a blog I came across that I enjoyed. Wordpress blog formats are hard to track together, so I’m also reposting this here. 

This is taken from a 2018 post by The Kite’s Cradle, a blog for a chaos magicikan and self-identified  urban druid. It’s an interesting read into the life of an actual living chaos magickian. 

This is also relevant to me in that I’m sort of inspired to take another stab at MMM, but in my own way. I’m working on an alternative liber to Carroll’s exercise. We’ll see where that goes. 

OCTOBER 9, 2018 THE KITE 1 COMMENT

I like to see a Liber Null that’s been well used. Although chaos magic has moved on since Pete Carroll wrote the seminal chaos magic book Liber Null, chaos magicians owe Pete a huge debt of gratitude for Liber MMM, the ‘studentship syllabus’ for theIlluminates of Thanateros Novice training program. And this section of his book has really stood the test of time as an introductory training programme of magic. Not that you need it, of course.

He adapted the Yoga exercises of Aleister Crowley’s Book 4: Mysticism (part 1). This in turn was appropriated from The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali.

Read these books and you’ll notice the repurposing of the exercises from the “…system by which the practitioner can directly realize his or her puruׅṣa, the soul or innermost conscious self, through mental practices.”(Sutras, p. xlvii) through Crowley’s Thelemic “aims of religion” to the Mind Control exercises of MMM, where “to work magic effectively, the ability to concentrate the attention must be built up until the mind can enter a trance-like condition.” (Null, p. 14).

As I’ve remarked elsewhere, when repurposing a practice it really does matter when you consider the consequences. The What For is important. In this case MMM marks the beginning of Carroll’s growing reduction of ‘spirituality’ to ‘getting good at magic.’ In doing so the baby of Illumination/Enlightenment/Liberation disappears into the bushes with the bathwater.

What makes it worse is that this impoverishment of the Great Work of Magic is committed merely in the name of attaining trance states, often called ‘gnosis’ by chaos magicians. Now excuse me if I point out that trance states are about as difficult as putting on a hat. Get into self-hypnosis, brainwave entrainment, Silva Method or any number of other things and you’ll see what I mean.

By ‘get into’ I mean, of course, ‘research and practice.’ With the emphasis on ‘practice.’ Our belief systems matter less than our practice systems. Occultists are notorious for owning the books, reading the articles, having the debates and not getting down to enough solid practice.

Patanjali required practice: “practice is the effort to be fixed in concentrating the mind.” (Sutra I.14) The whole project requires dedication to practice. Meanwhile in Crowley space, Aleister once chose as his magical mottoPerdurabo: ‘I shall endure to the end,’ or ‘I’ll stick it out.’ Tells you something, eh? Pete Carroll overstates the case when he claims that the magical trances he lists require “fanatical and morbid determination,” but practice there must be. It will be demanding, it will be inconvenient, it will be a pain in the lifestyle. But do it, and magical power will come to you.

Back to that bit about how our belief systems matter less than our practice systems. Echoing the doctrinal disputes of Christendom, occultists often suffer from the ailment of Having The Right Answers. This distracts them from the necessity of racking up the practice time. You’re not a sky pilot until you’ve logged the flight time.

Now I’m not recommending that you fill your every waking moment with ‘praxis,’ the bloatware of magic. A benefit of chaos magic reductionism is that you can restrict yourself to the most economically effective and get most of it done. A few bang-for-the-buck exercises and a simple training program and you’re ahead of the crowd. Weight training starts not with the steroids but with squats, deadlifts, presses and such, the biggest exercises to get you strong quickly.

All you need is a set of exercises and a program. And therein lies another problem with occultists, especially the postmodern variety. They will program-hop, doing Golden Dawn warm-ups then switching to yoga, tryingvipassana for a week, then it’s offerings to the ancestors for a month or so before being ADHD’d by something else. Diet-hopping and program-switching cheat you out of the steady gains offered by sticking out the practice – the promise of Perdurabo. Ask anyone who can pick up twice their bodyweight.

Re-enter Liber MMM. Yes, all right, you’re an experienced magician chasing advanced stuff now. But the basics always count. Use them or lose them and end up falling upside-down through the Abyss of Sophistry and having flamewars on the Internet. Liber MMM is a – not ‘The,’ but ‘a’ – solid program of introductory magical exercises.

So what’s in it? The field of activity in Liber MMM is listed quite clearly under the three headings of Mind Control, Magic and Dreaming. (if you haven’t already done so, now is a good time to fish out your copy of Liber Null. Yes, get one)

In Mind Control, we work quickly through the exercises in the order given such that by the end of the first month we are performing a minimum of 30 minutes of Motionlessness No-Thought (MNT) daily and performing occasional exercises in Magical Trances. This core exercise set is all about developing your concentration and visualization. Motionlessness is about not shifting weight, not scratching those inevitable little itches, and so forth. It’s not about torso movements when you breathe or tics or involuntary eye movements or blinking (if those bother you, shut your eyes). Just sit still. If you gaze at a random spot on the wall for a bit you’ll very soon notice a slight tunnel vision. This is you entering a very light trance. Relax into it and your breathing will slow, swallowing and blinking are inhibited and the itches will become ignorable.

Pick a posture and stick to it. Since you don’t want to be shifting for comfort, pick a posture that’s comfortable in the first place. You may need to attend to your posture — keep it upright — to stop yourself going to sleep.

Breathing: pranayama. There’s a simple technique. In — out. And so forth. There’s not much else to it. If you’re curious about different breathing techniques by all means pick one and use if for a few days. Otherwise, and especially while becoming accustomed to the daily practice, just allow your breathing to deepen and slow naturally. Fancy breathing techniques can wait. No-Thought is an unceasing business. To start with, begin a session by just watching thoughts arise and pass away. Do nothing about them. When you catch yourself fixating on a thought, just drop it.

As you become aware of ‘space’ as it were in your consciousness where no thoughts are, as thoughts arise then simply attend instead to that empty space. From time to time you get some blessed peace, when there are no thoughts to ignore. You’ll probably notice this moment of peace only when it’s over. That empty space will become the arena into which you project visualizations, including sigils. Start with about 15 minutes (time it) daily, and then after a few days of practice add five minutes, and so forth until you’ve got 30-35 minutes practice time daily. Then keep doing that daily. Notice the repetition of the word ‘daily.’ Do not interrupt the dailiness of this practice. MNT more than anything else forges the magician.

That was MNT. If to start with you feel that you’re not doing enough training, do some Object Concentration as well. 5 minutes at a time is plenty. Remember that business of gazing at a spot on the wall? Do that, and keep bringing the gaze back to it and holding the tunnel vision effect. It’s healthy that the eyes wander — just bring them back.

With both, write in your diary what time you started, what time you finished, and any salient features.

After a month or two, if we have not already done so, we investigate works of Metamorphosis. I consider Metamorphosis a neglected aspect of Liber MMM and personally regard it as being equally important as MNT. Simply swap out habits to start with.Need help? Start here.

In Magic, I suggest adopting one or two banishing rituals as soon as possible. In this context, most banishings are simply exercises to settle you down into the moment’s work of magic or to bring you back to normal afterwards. Sigil work and any other magical work is also good, including some sort of sortilege divination – cards, runes, stones and bones or somesuch equally simple. Liber MMM explains sigilization adequately so don’t overthink it: just decide what you want, scribble and go.

In Dreaming, the practice of keeping a diary next to the bed seems to convince your mind that you really do take this seriously, and it will oblige by producing material to put in that diary. It’s not usually worthwhile to ask for meanings of dreams: I don’t believe in universal dream symbols and expect instead that our own individual network of symbolism will explain our dreams best.

I absolutely recommend recording the activities of Liber MMM in a diary. Under the general heading of the day’s date, each activity should be timed, and it should be written up such that a reader could recreate that activity themselves from the notes given. The first time a ritual is described, it should be written in full, with any symbols or technical flourishes explained fully. Thereafter it is sufficient to mention repeats of the ritual by name and add ‘as before,’ expanding only upon any differences from earlier performances.

RESULTS

Both record and acknowledge results. Recording contemporaneously both an activity and its results simply helps us to know the truth of what happened and not to be fooled by psychological heuristics including so-called tricks of memory. Acknowledging results means celebrating our victories. Some magicians handicap their morale by being unwilling to accept successes and need reminding that success is matching actual result to recorded Intent, regardless of exactly how the result manifested. They sometimes need reminding to look out for results of divinations also.

In Mind Control the result is not of nice long periods of No-Thought (nice when it happens though) so much as the abilities, manifested over time, to drop easily into inhibitory trance states, to close down unhelpful streams of thought while under pressure and to concentrate on what is currently important.

Early experiments with Metamorphosis manifest a growing comfort with behaviours which we may have used to find unfamiliar and perhaps threatening, and may give us the clue that behavioural identity is not fixed.

In Magic there’s nothing quite like totting up your enchantments done and ticking off the successes to demonstrate to yourself that your magic works and that you’re not just fooling yourself. Likewise with divinations that turn out to be accurate.

In Dreaming work the results consist of enhanced knowledge of our own symbol system and a more relaxed relationship with our own out-of-consciousness workings.

All in all, good results in these practices help develop confidence in the whole magical endeavour and a no-nonsense attitude to practice that comes as a refreshing contrast to that of many others in the magical community. So if you do this for six months – not two weeks or two months, but SIX months – you will have laid a firm foundation ofskill, consistency and durability as a magician. Any dabbler can do this for a fortnight, but in the month on month daily grind the will of the magician is forged. Thank you Pete for MMM.

Original blog post is here. 

[carolespino]

Aenean interdum est et tortor facilisis sagittis

Law enforcement are interrogating the defendant, although they have not arrested anybody.

Nunc urna nisi, volutpat vel enim non, sollicitudin auctor purus. Nam in mattis sem. Fusce non ultricies neque. Duis egestas magna eget finibus auctor. Praesent euismod iaculis velit quis interdum. Nulla ultricies magna non elit volutpat sagittis TkGqGHgg The World Is A Wedding. Mauris diam ligula, pharetra quis ipsum pharetra, bibendum congue orci. Maecenas aliquet, ipsum mollis lacinia lobortis, velit tellus lobortis odio, nec consectetur tellus mauris convallis nisl.

Duis hendrerit, nisl sed imperdiet consectetur, erat velit dignissim lacus, nec pretium enim tellus quis ex.

Integer rhoncus nunc sed turpis tincidunt vulputate 5LjeenZShTm Don 39 T Call Me Poor A Mother Grieves And Grows. Nullam fermentum sapien eu risus sodales maximus. In vel commodo ex. Ut a turpis at risus fringilla tincidunt placerat non orci. Donec viverra, risus sit amet aliquam dapibus, est purus dictum velit, eu scelerisque lectus nibh ac sapien. In sem massa, tincidunt eu lorem eleifend, rhoncus tincidunt augue. Integer porta nunc nec nisi maximus, sed volutpat leo bibendum. Proin suscipit tortor leo, sit amet tempus velit ultrices et. Fusce aliquet mauris nisl, non euismod augue mollis ultrices. Pellentesque eu lectus elit.

Today I spoke to Joe and Alex about WordAi.

Praesent dapibus elementum nunc O ARB9akihV8, nec eleifend magna consequat porta. Morbi vitae felis efficitur, ultrices tellus quis, sagittis nisl. Vivamus gravida urna eget sem vehicula maximus ornare in felis. Aliquam massa urna, tempor nec erat vitae, sodales semper ipsum. Aenean interdum est et tortor facilisis sagittis. Aenean aliquam dictum eros, ac tempus tellus sollicitudin vitae. Donec vitae sapien ac leo dictum laoreet. Mauris tincidunt urna justo, sed aliquam nulla aliquet sit amet. #####Integer in erat vitae tortor suscipit hendrerit eu et urna. Nam et neque hendrerit, bibendum ligula non, malesuada lectus.

[alfianyan96]

Mauris sit amet bibendum tellus, tristique iaculis sapien

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Nobody has been detained by the police officers, but the defendant has been interrogated by them.

[ernmark]

Any chance of another installment in the Juno-was-still-a-cop-very-briefly au?

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

This one’s not explicit, but it’s probably borderline NSFW.

There’s really no point in trying to keep up a decent sleep schedule, is there?

I don’t have a job to wake up for, and in a few days I’ll leave Mars behind for some foreign planet circling around some distant star.

I’ll probably be depressed about it later. But right now, everything is calm. The familiar afternoon sun is streaming through the blinds and warming the back of my head. Another body is pressed against mine, warming me from the front. My knee is hitched over his hip, my arm around his waist. Sleek straight hair is pressed against my face until all I can smell is otherworldly cologne and the elegant product the thief uses in his hair. 

I inhale deeply and prop myself up on one elbow, just to watch him sleep. He’s snoring a little bit, and his lips are parted in something almost like a smile.

Lying this close to him, it doesn’t feel like my world is falling apart. It feels like some grand adventure. And it doesn’t have to end when we reach Orcinus or whatever distant planet he thinks I’ll end up on. We can keep going forever, racing from system to system, outsmarting the Kanagawas and the DiMaggios of the galaxy and outrunning the ones we can’t.

I sigh.

How is it that he’s the only one asleep but I’m the one dreaming?

I must have disturbed him, because he makes a soft mumbling sound and rolls closer to me. “Juno?”

“Hey.” I should probably get up and give him his space. “Late night?”

“Mm-hmm…” He must still be half asleep, because he slides closer, nuzzling against my chest. And maybe it’s just the sun on my back or the man beside me, but I feel so warm right now. I wouldn’t mind waking up like this every morning for the rest of my life. I want to–

No. That’s not going to happen.

He’ll take me as far as he promised, maybe not even that far, and then he’ll be on his way. I’ll never see him again.

Something hardens in the pit of my stomach.

Fuck it. There’s no use moralizing anymore– I’m already a criminal. If this is all I get, then I’ll take what I can. Binge on bad decisions now and live off the memories later.

I lean in and kiss him the way I want to– gently, like we have the rest of forever together.

Yeah, pretty sure that woke him up. He’s warm and soft against me, all searching lips and sliding hands. He must have rolled at some point, because suddenly I’m aware that he’s on top of me, my leg still hitched over his waist.

His kisses wash over my collarbone, and I feel the barest graze of sharp teeth.

I’ve done more than my share of sting operations with the HCPD. Turns out growing up in Oldtown gave me the kind of look you just can’t fake. When I went undercover, nobody ever caught on that the surly dame was wearing a wire, let alone that I was a cop. 

Those kind of operations got rough, most of the time. There was a lot of intimidation, seduction, flattery. There were criminals out there who could take one look at you and find the right words to cut right through you.

But it didn’t get to me like it did everywhere else. I never got anything I didn’t sign on for, and so I could shake off what they threw at me without a problem. Even their head games didn’t get their hooks into me, because I could always look ahead to the extraction team waiting to sweep me off to safety.

There’s no extraction team this time, but this? This is just as temporary, just an elaborate charade while we pass the time. Nothing he says or does can hurt me while we’re caught up in this fantasy. Nothing I do can hurt him.

So I indulge. I drink in all that sweet, saccharine domestic bullshit that seems so incredible when you’re on the outside looking is. And the way he sells it, I almost get off thinking it’s real. Not just the dinners or the sex or part where I wake up beside him, but the little things– the touches, the conversations about nothing, the way he scratches my scalp while he searches for his next lead like he’s not even thinking about it and just likes touching me. I spend a lot of our time together quiet, trying to commit these moments to memory, to bottle the feeling so I can ration it out when it’s gone for good.

We lounge on the hotel couch together, digging through newspapers and tabloids and the latest feeds looking for signs of more Martian artifacts. He’s practically in my lap, holding his comms in one hand and absently tracing patterns on my skin with the other. 

It’s distracting as hell, but I’m not about to tell him to quit touching me. Besides, I think I’ve got something. I’m about to announce a set of funerary urns in a local museum of antiquities, but I’m cut off by a flashing light from his comms.

“One moment,” he says, and extracts himself from my lap with more elegance than should be humanly possible. He takes the call in the privacy of the balcony, his face turned away, but I can see the shift in his stance. All the languid curves go taut, and suddenly he’s all crisp lines and hard edges. It only lasts for a few minutes, then the call ends and he melts into softness and angel smiles.

They’re both personas, I know that much– one for his employer and one for me. I can’t help wondering which one is closer to the real him.

“Let me guess,” I ask when he steps back into the room. “Your mysterious benefactor?”

“It seems she wants the Martian Key for her collection after all,” he hums. “I believe that means you owe me breakfast?”

Breakfast and a blowjob, according to our little bet. He’ll owe me the same if she orders the funerary urns, but there’s a good chance that’ll never happen. I don’t know if he’s just got a better eye for Ancient Martian artifacts, or if he already knows what’s on his boss’s shopping list, but he hasn’t been wrong yet. Three for three so far, he’s always won. 

And honestly? I like the idea that he’s cheating. Because that means he has other options, but he wants what I’m offering. I don’t know if the part he’s after is my cooking or my mouth around him, and I don’t really care. He wants me. In all this big elaborate charade, that much at least is real.

But then, maybe that’s just another part of the fantasy.

It’s the kind of life I wouldn’t dare dream about. More and more, I find myself thinking that I could get used to this– that I wouldn’t mind going on this way forever.

But it’s still nothing but a dream.

And then all at once, I wake up.

He’s back out on the balcony, his shoulders tense and his back straight, the way it always is when he’s on a call with his employer.

Except he isn’t.

The comms is held at his side, his knuckles white around its screen. His shoulders are rising and falling with every heavy breath. He’s staring out at Hyperion City below, like he’s looking for something he doesn’t expect to find.

I’m out of the couch and on my way to him when he turns around and steps back inside.

“Well. That took longer than expected.” The smile on his face is disarming– that by itself is reason to be on alert.

“Did something happen?” 

“Not at all,” he says, like I haven’t heard him lie a thousand times already. “It seems we’ve reached our last assignment sooner than I expected.”

“Yeah?” I try not to let him see the dread pooling in my stomach. “So which one of us gets breakfast tomorrow?”

“Neither, I’m afraid.”

“That’s alright. We’ll split it. How about I cook and you blow me?” I touch him on the shoulder. It’s a stupid move– I almost never touch him first. The fact that I did just now only let him know I sense the tension.

“That sounds lovely, Juno.” There’s something very wrong with his smile as he wraps his arms around my neck. “I should ask, do you still have your heart set on Orcinus, or was there someplace else you wanted to go?”

I want to ask what’s going on, but I don’t have the right words. The only ones I can scrounge together are, “How about we figure that out after we finish the job?”

“Why wait?” He’s closer now, his lips grazing the edge of my jaw with every word. “Now that I don’t have to arrange my schedule around these calls, I can leave Mars any time I like. You could be on a spaceship to the Tau Ceti system by this time tomorrow.”

“You don’t really think I’m gonna let you finish it without me?”

“Much as I appreciate that, Juno, it won’t be necessary. I expect it will be tedious, but I’m sure I can handle it on my own.” His knees bend, and he slides down my chest. “I’d much rather get you situated.”

I want to push him off me and demand he give me a straight answer, but I can’t.

I always knew this was going to end. I’m not stupid. But I am selfish enough to cling to every good moment I have left before I lose him for good. 

“Just…” It’s getting hard to think. He’s already working at my belt. “Just tell me one thing. What’s this last job going to be, anyway?”

“Nothing important,” he hums. “Just an obscure little curio, really.” His long fingers are sliding down my thighs. If I had an ounce less self control, I wouldn’t have caught the next words out of his mouth. “It’s called the Egg of Purus.”

[swfindingfreedom]

A Star Wars Fanfiction

Finding Freedom

Chapter 19

Ren placed his new Lightsaber on his hip clip as he prepared to leave the compound. Snoke seemed eager to move forward. He and Ren were getting ready to embark on a new mission. Ren's own men were being hailed home to join them.

It had been a while since Ren had seen his Knights. The ones who also trained under Luke but chose to follow Ren when he decided to join Snoke. They were loyal to him. They knew not to cross him. They'd been through much together since their betrayal against Skywalker.

Ren had departed from them to join Hux as Ren hunted down the map to Skywalker. His Knights going their own ways to follow similar rumors. None of them knowing which might be true, but Ren chased down the one connected to Lor San Tekka.

The information Ren had followed held truth, he wondered what his fellow Knights had encountered. He was eager to meet up with them. To find it what they'd learned. Now he was leaving with Snoke to regroup.

"You're power's grow with each passing day, but more training is yet needed," Snoke told Ren that morning before he announced their departure. Ren knew not where they were headed, but he followed without question.

He tried hard not to think of Xalaina. Whether or not she got away. He wondered if Snoke would share the news of her death if it ever came. Ren didn't dare ask, but still, he wondered.

Ren could feel eyes on him since the day of her escape. It would seem, though Snoke had not forcibly interrogated him, he at least decided to keep a closer eye on Kylo Ren. A fact that meant nothing to Ren. He knew his path, he would not stray.

Putting his helmet on, Ren left his quarters to meet with Snoke on his ship. The new journey began.

XxX

Xalaina had seconds to realize she was being hunted before the woman who had bumped into her, saving her life, grabbed Xalaina by the wrist and pulled her into a run.

Blast after blast ignited in their wake. The sound of engines revving made it clear a chase would occur.

As they passed the side of the Cantina, it's other exit swung open and out came five armed men to block their path. Xalaina asked no questioned. She immediately dropped to her knees to avoid the first one to swipe at her with his blade.

She swung her leg out knocking the first one down and was on her feet to grip the weapon of the second. She twirled, effectively ripping the blaster from his hands to land behind her and then snapping his neck like a twig.

The sound got her adrenaline pumping and her blood roaring. She slammed her foot down hard into the first man's throat caving in his windpipe. She did not stick around to listen as he choked to death. Instead, she turned to her partner.

The woman had picked up the blaster Xalaina had discarded and shot two of the remaining three. Behind them, the bikes were getting closer. Grabbing the sword the first man had, Xalaina threw it and easily struck the last man standing right through the gut.

"Run," the woman said taking off again. Xalaina wasn't finished. Grabbing the sword as she passed him, Xalaina gutted the final enemy before also running after her savour.  

Xalaina knew her father might put a bounty on her head, but she didn't realize the word would have spread so quickly. She thought she'd at least have another day or two and she thought she'd be long gone once they realized she'd been there.

It was her turn to underestimate the reach her father held. She almost paid dearly for it.

Leave it to her father to bring out the cowardly bounty hunters who killed from afar. Wouldn't even give her the decency of a face to face battle. On the other hand, she understood this tactic, after all, she was very confident she'd have fought and killed anyone within arms reach of her if given the opportunity.

She ran as fast as she could. The woman with continued to lead them far from the blasts. They would not be fast enough to outrun the hover bikes Xalaina spotted kicking up dust behind them.

The bikes had no blasters to shoot with, but the driver certainly did. Catching up on the other woman's side, Xalaina was nudged sideways to turn down a very narrow, very trapped looking alleyway.

With quick, practiced fingers, the mystery woman entered numbers on a keypad opening a noisy rusty door and beckoning Xalaina inside. Inside the room was near pitch black and smelled of damp wood.

Around them lay crates. They were hiding out in a storage shed. Xalaina looked at the woman ready to question the idiocy of this hiding spot when her savior leant against one of the boxes and moved it over with a grunt.

Some floorboards beside Xalaina swung upwards, a hidden trap door became exposed. "Get in, hurry." The girl demanded.

Xalaina didn't argue, she descended into the darkness without regard for what might be below.

When her companion was inside the trap door, it shut. Xalaina kept moving downward and could hear the shuffle of the other woman doing the same. At the bottom, her feet hit cold water that came to rest up to her calfs.

"Sewers?" Xalaina asked.

"Yes. They branch off in all directions. They won't be able to follow a trail if we stick to the water. Stay close to me. I know the correct path that will get us out of here."

"Lead the way," Xalaina confirmed sticking close to her partner.

For a sewer, it didn't smell as bad as she thought it would. Could be an old system not used in years, which Xalaina hoped was the case. After all, she'd had enough of dirty places for one day.

She didn't dare speak as the walls vibrated their echoes. The only sound was the sloshing of water and their breathing. The woman with her was breathing heavier than Xalaina. She clearly did not have the endurance Xalaina did. This girl was not a fighter.

Perhaps she was a Resistance intelligence operatives. If that was the case, Xalaina was exactly where she needed to be.

The girl was right. The sewers led in many directions. Finding them would be difficult for those trying to follow.

In the silence, Xalaina was left to her thoughts. She'd almost died today. She'd allowed herself to become overconfident. There was no doubt in her mind that if this Resistance woman had not bumped her out of the way, Xalaina would be dead and every plan she had would never see the light.

Her father taught her that no matter what, you never owed anyone anything. That when given the choice to eradicate them, do it.

However, Xalaina had no wish to follow that path. One day she would repay this woman.

Reaching a ladder, Xalaina and her companion climbed back up and into the dim light cast down from the sun through the haze of the dusty atmosphere.

She could see mountains in the distance, it's peak covered in ash. The ground around them was hard packed dirt and rock. In the opposite direction, Xalaina could almost make out the outline of the city.

"Come on," the woman said continuing their journey onward.

"We've come this far and I don't even know your name." Xalaina pressed.

"Call me Puru." Whether that was her real name or not, it didn't matter to Xalaina. At least she had something to reference her by.

"I'm Xalaina."

"We're losing light. We've got to hurry." Puru's demeanor irritated Xalaina, but she bit her tongue on any snide remarks and followed. Just over the edge of the mountains was a ship that camouflaged well with the rocks surrounding it.

If Xalaina hadn't been walking right toward it, she might not have realized what it was. They boarded it without incident.

It was larger than the one Xalaina flew in on and obviously more advanced. Inside Xalaina took a seat next to Puru as she fired up the engine.

"So, you're with the Resistance I take it," Xalaina said relaxing in her seat.

"Not exactly. Like you I've been searching for them, I just took a more quiet route to get the information I was looking for." Puru shot Xalaina a sideways look of disapproval.

Xalaina shrugged. "I was looking for a faster result, and I got it." Her grin returned.

"Is there anything else you'd like to share. I mean, I did just save your life." The ship lifted off the ground as Puru spoke.

"The only information I plan to share is with the General." Her reply was curt and firm.

"You're lucky I saved you at all. You placed a large target on your back opening your mouth like that..., but then again you were already being hunted by the First Order, weren't you." It wasn't truly a question. Any idiot could see that it was a Bounty Hunter that had shot at her.

"You're observant., I'll give you that." With a smirk, Xalaina looked out the window. "I hope you know where you're going."

Puru scowled at Xalaina's change of topic. "How do I know I can trust you?" She demanded as if only now thinking of the consequences of her actions.

Xalaina sighed. "The same way I know I can trust you."

Silence hummed between them. How could this girl argue that? She couldn't and she didn't. Instead, the silence continued as they reached space. Resting her head back against the cushioned seat, Xalaina closed her eyes.

There was always a possibility Puru was working for the First Order and pretending to take her to the Resistance only to bring her back to Snoke for a more fitting punishment, but Xalaina was, at this point, too tired to care.

Her adrenaline rush was over and her energy was waning. It had been days since she'd gotten a good sleep and so she began to drift off sitting up in her seat.

She would need a good rest before seeing Leia. She needed a clear mind to approach the General. She had no idea how she would be received, or how things might end up.

She had no intentions of lying to the former Princess. It still remained to be seen if Xalaina would end up a prisoner, but it was a chance she was willing to take.

Next Chapter --->

Back to Chapter 1

[carolespino]

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