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icarusredwings · 3 days ago

Text

Howling

A sfw puppy Logan fic

pt 1 Bad boy

pt 2 Howling

pt 3 Good boy

Cw: Abandonment, Separation Anxiety, Anger, Throwing up, Feelings of Betrayal, Grounding, Self soothing, Happy ending. Cursing.

Hearing the door click, Logan brings his head up again, somberly coming to the window, watching as Wade left, taking Mary with him. And how here he was... Alone.... again.

A soft whine comes from his throat, putting a hand on the window, touching the figure of the man until he couldn't see him anymore.

The small whine turns into a whimper, and then a cry before morphing into a growl.

Where to begin? Oh, let's pretend we never met

So I can disappear a moment.

Hoping off the couch, he grumbles, huffing with a spit of spite. Glancing at the counter, his nose catches a whiff of the chicken. Snarling, he jumps up onto the counter, taking the bag between his teeth before throwing it on the floor.

I've been tryna swim with both my hands behind my back

My dear, I always feared the ocean.

Jumping down, he shakes his head, ripping the bag into shreds, popping open the lid of the chicken parm. Wade had told him not to eat it, but who cares. He was bad, right? And this was bad. If he wanted him to be bad, then he would be bad. He chose this. He left him here, abandoned him here. So why shouldn't he? Wade said he wasn't allowed to eat Puppin's food either, so fuck it, he'll eat his.

And somehow, this one word in my mouth

Was left unspoken.

Scarfing down the entire meal within only a minute, He grumbles, leaving the trash and mess here, licking his hands of the tomato sauce. Moving onto the bread, Logan devours the entire basket, struggling to swallow that last one. Gagging, his stomach was tight and still felt so empty, his chest, once warm, now cold. Tears fell from his eyes, a growl in his throat.

Breathing, he shifts to sit, chest heaving as he groans. He hasn't eaten this fast in so long.. the preasure in his throat made him shake his head, growling as if his body would obey. Gagging again, he has no choice but to puke up the bread, only half digested, if at all.

And I won't admit my parents split when I got sick

But I refuse to be a burden..

Whimpering, he wipes his mouth, lowering his head, leaving the kitchen to the livingroom. Glancing at the pink pet bed, he snarls, huffing as he jerked himself away. Entering the bed room, Logan can smell Wade. He can smell him so greatly in here. Jumping up on the freshly made bed, he sniffs at the folded clothes. The laundry soap hurt his nose. The cheap stuff was always too strong.

Shoving them off, he manages to find a pile that smelled just like him. Burrying his face into them, Logan wiped his tears on the clothes, nuzzling against them, scenting Wade's clothes to smell like him. Shifting around, he digs, burries, moves, packs, and hides in the linens.

And I said

"Is there something keeping me here for the minute, darling?

Burrowing under them all, he stays in this nest of smells, cotton and polyester keeping him warm, the artificial kind that one could try their best to replicate .. but it would never be the same. It would never live up to Wade's hot skin against his on rainy mornings. His warm smile and laugh that made his stomach feel like he just ate a harty homecooked meal.

Growling, he takes his pillow into his mouth, shaking his head a bit with more bark to his bite only to whine, pouting some as he lays his head down, the smell of him being too much to actually shred the pillow. If this pillow smelt like Wade.. and He hurt it.. that was like hurting Wade.

But he didn't want to hurt wade.. not at all. Letting out a big sigh, he holds the pillow close, whining softly as singleton tears decide to vacation to his cheeks. He can't help it. It frustrates him. He didn't want to cry. Bad boys were angry. Mean. Disobedient. But how was he supposed to be disobedient when he was so god damn loyal? How was he supposed to be mean when he was so fucking loved? And how was he suppsoed to feel angry and alone if Wade's stuffies were warm and in his den with him?

Did you find the key and what is the meaning of it? 'Cause honey, sometimes I feel this

emptiness, howling out.."

The deep pain of being abandoned in his stomach was something he was used too. The loneliness was commonplace. But the emptiness in his chest from lack of touch was something he would never get used too. He remembered when he was young. When the fur of his candid siblings would keep him warm even if it was snowing a blizzard out. Logan whimpers, remembering how he would call for them. How they would call for him, his mother wolf telling him to come back to the den. When he got lost from the pack and needed someone to lead him back..

You're not alone, the world is small

And I am sick of all the talk of finding purpose

The first one is small. Barley a noise. The second one holds for about 3 seconds. By the 4th one his head goes back, a more natural sound coming from him. It's low, it's loud. It's home.

He waited a few seconds between them, about 30 before doing it again, some higher pitched then others. Some with more vibration. Others straight out of a yellowstone documentary.

Logan doesn't understand why he doesn't answer him. Why he won't come to save him. Whimpering, he snuggles deeper into the den made of blankets, pillows, clothing, and stuffed animals. The howls get quieter. Less frequent. And he dreams.

Dreams of the sweet gentle touches he was now used to compared to the harsh whips across his back and cold chains around his neck. He was always alone. Traveling through the north like a lone wolf who was only ever a shadow. Trying to be barely noticed but always spotted. Always hated. Told to get out, scram, shoo. Always greeted with the cock of a shotgun.

But the click of Wade's pistol was far more welcoming. Far gentler. He didn't tell him to shoo. In fact, he wanted him close. He held him close. In his arms. Each and ever night. Like the tiny pup he once was.

Love comes and goes but the big black dog, he trails along

Am I the only one who knows him now?

He's reminded when he was part of a tribe. His own pack. He remembers feeling bad because he had ripped yet another blanket that they worked so hard on making for him. It's vivid in his mind, sitting close to him, defeated and ashamed. His hand came to his shoulder in such a kindness. A way that made not even the jumpiest of men calm.

He said, "A fight is going on inside me," he told the man, "A fight between two wolves."

"Wolves, huh?" He asks, quiet as he cletched his fists, unclenching them to try to loosen up the bone in his forearm.

"The Dark one is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The Light Wolf is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you…."

Logan stops, looking up at him with a skeptical brow. They had found him with the wolves, it was true, but how much could he possibly know about him? He always hated people like this.. that just knew.. and somehow, they brought him a great comfort. It meant he had to speak less. His claws retract into his skin.

"And inside of every other person on the face of this earth.”

The outside man ponders this for a moment and then asks, "....which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee smiled and simply said, "The one you feed".

His head tilts the other way, going quiet before speaking. "... You want me to feed both of them.. don't you?"

He smiles, nodding with a soft chuckle. "You fit well here, You should stay."

"No..I don't want to be a bother."

"You aren't a bother to us, wayiga.. We would let you know." The elderly man chuckles again.

Logan shakes his head while looking at his lap. He's already stayed here too long. "What does that mean?"

"Wolverine."

But he's scared. Terrified that Wade will meet that big black dog and decide he doesn't want an old mutt, but a young pup who obeyed. He was afraid that one day Wade would become fed up with him. Unable to handle that black dog's tantrums and teeth that bite the hand that fed him. The one that snarled and snapped.. afraid Wade much preferred the obedient pet that everyone so desperately wanted from him..

Either way.. he best savor this warm, comfortable bed while he still had the chance. Before Wade kicked him to the curb and a cardboard box became his home. How far were the woods from here? Miles of solidarity sounded nice right about now.. but he still wanted Wade's hugs. Early in the morning.. late at night.

He dreams about them, head tucked deep under the pile of warmth. Let's hope Wade wasn't angry with him when he returned.. let's hope Wade adored the big wolf inside of him and not just the pup who so desperately wanted to be held..

_____

"Wilson! Did you get another dog!?"

The man jumps, holding the bags and large dog bed over his shoulder "Uh..... noo..?"

"Then what is that!?" The nosey woman from down the hall points to his back.

"Ooohh! This? Nooo I just- they're for Mary! You know Mary right? My BLIND room mate's seeing eye dog?"

She crosses her arms, raising a brow. "Then why isn't she with her?"

Wade gives an offended look. "Whaat? Are you implying that service dogs don't get any downtime? Are you saying they should work 24/7?? How insensitive!! Ugh! Im SOO reporting this to the building manager!" He complains, making the woman flick her cigarette.

"Hmph... fine. But just so you know, your 'not new dog' has been howling since you left."

"He's been.." For a split second, Wade is confused. Howling...? Logan. The scarred man gasps loudly, his eyes brightening and smile widening across his cheeks ear to ear. "He has!?? Oh thats wonderful! Oi- but I still don't have another dog... don't snitch, bitch." He says, giving her the 'im watching you' gesture as she rolls her eyes, shutting her apartment door.

Honestly, he's not sure why he came in through the hallway instead of the back. He didn't think about nosey neighbors, obviously.

Coming to the door he struggles with the keys, rambling to himself with an excited giggle. "Wolvie? Loagie don't worry, baby I'm comin! Daddy's comin, Peanut!" He says, opening the door with a big smile, putting the stuff down on the couch, opening his arms expecting Logan to greet him only to be greeted with a mess.

"Logan! I bought you a- oh what did you do?" Again, a simple blink, and he got it. He gasps. "Oooh, my poor puppy! You got upset - Omg! Mary, don't eat that! I know you're gross princess, but I draw the line at eating daddy's vomit."

There was a soft, whimper of a howl.

"You hear that, honey? Come on. Let's help daddy. Say Ahwwooooo!"

Though mary's howl sounded more like a chihuahua version of "Arwooowoowoo!"

Another, fuller, more confident howl comes from the bedroom as Wade giggles, coming in with a big gasp, opening his arms again, ready to be jumped on.

"Hiii big boy! Are you comfy in your big bed?"

With an embaressed blush, Logan huffs, whining at him and burrying deeper into the pile, so much that his feet stick out the other side.

"Look at all this? You made a big mess, didn't you? And ate all Papa's chicken? Yeah? Oh, you, Naughty boy!" But it was playful. "Was it good? Tch, better have been for 15$..."

From the fearful and submissive licklipping coward, to a big whining oversized puppy, coming out of the den with a wiggle. Wade was magic like that.. the worst of shadows turned bright without a moments notice.

Yawning, Logan bows, streaching, a final show of respect and submission in hopes to be forgiven for all the naughty behavior. Besides.. he wasn't used to being in a house. Still, even after an entire year and a half, he still felt new here. At least this version of Logan did.

"Yeah? Oh, biiiiig streach. Just needed a nap, did ya? Yeah? Well- Fuck all that laundry I guess. Oh well. Clean enough." He places a hand on the bed next to Logan, testing the boundaries of closeness.

When Logan didn't try to bite his hand off and sat here with that guilty look on his face but such innocent eyes, he sat down. "So.. I saw you threw up.. are you feeling okay?" He asks, dropping the puppy talk, instead being serious.

Swallowing, logan shifts to back away, lowering his head, looking at him as if Wade was about to call him a bad boy again.

"I..." Wade thought having a feeling that perhaps leaving him here wasn't the best thing.. but he knew Logan would kill someone if they looked at him wrong at the pet shop. "Look... Logan, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have... well, actually, Im sorry for two things. One, I'm sorry for calling you bad. You're such a good boy. You were just.. frustrated. And that's probably why you ate all that food. Im assuming - from past experiences that you scarfed it down without chewing properly because you were mad at me. And im sorry for making you so upset that you threw up. An-and im sorry for lea-"

The look on Logan's face and the tilt of his head made Wade smile. It said 'I know. Now shut up and give me the stuff you bought me'

Laughing a bit, He shakes his head. "How are you so expressive??"

Logan tilts his head the other way, as if hearing 'Blahblahblah good boy blahblahblah'

He sighs. "No- don't look at me like that. Put those big eyes away. Jesus- you need contacts or something. How hasn't anyone tried to take them yet? Anyway- Im sorry.. for leaving you when you needed me. I just.. I guess I've never really knew how to handle stuff like this. I'm new to this, y'know? So.. I'll try harder. And if you howl, ill awnser. Promise." He puts his pinky out with a half smile.

Leaning forward, Logan sniffs the finger, licking it and then put it in his mouth, giving it a soft chew only to pull away, putting his hand, fingers curled in, on top of his hand with a proud smile. The type that said 'is this what you want? Am I a good boy?'

Laughing, Wade shakes his head. "You are just too cute. How could anyone not want you, hm? You're just precious. I might just die from it...Well, here lemme show you your new bed."

He gets up, starting to walk back to the couch, Logan sits, unsure if he should follow.

"And Daddy bought you a bone and your own bowl, so no more taking puppins food, okay? After this, ill clean up and feed you your own special food, mkay? What are you feeling? Cereal for dinner? Since you ate what I was planning to have..."

Logan frowns, becoming a bit nervous, watching him from the edge of the bed, acting like he was too afraid to jump off. Why was Wade going to the door? Was he kicking him out? What was all those words? He said he was a good boy, so why was he kicking him out of the pack? Was he that bad?

Whimpering loudly, he flattens himself on the bed, dead weighting. If Wade wanted to take him from his pack, he'd have to drag him.

"Oh, Logan come're sweetie! Come on. Comere!" He pats his legs and instantly Logan perks up. Oh man.. he wanted to come. He wanted to follow Wade until the end of the world. But he was scared.. what if he had saw his dark wolf?

Throwing his head back, he howls, a very whiney, pup like call.

In the livingroom, Wade giggles, glancing at puppin's. "I think you have competition for the cutest puppy in the universe, Princess. Comin' Peanut!" He calls, Howling loudly back as he came. "What's wrong, pup?"

Very gently, he crouches down, hands on the bed, letting Logan sniff his face before rolling over, showing him he was sorry, softly licking his forehead. "Awwhooowhoo.."

"Awwhooo!" Wade says, hand coming to his cheek. "Don't worry baby..I'm not mad at you....but you should probably stop howling. The bitch across the hall is gonna call the building manager."

Smiling widely, Logan howls again, louder and more realistic, confident. "Arroooowh!"

"Hey I just- aw what the hell. Arroooo!"

The giggles that followed and the nuzzling of noses were everything that Logan had ever wanted.

Wade had seen his dark wolf. And he loved him just as much as the light furred pup under all that tough skin.

He fed both wolves.

Even if one's teeth were sharper than the others.