#psychiatrist appointment tomorrow
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I can't sleep I'm thinking about socks.
#going to do an experiment where i try two different methofs of two st a time sock knitting— double knitting and magic loop and at the end#I'll have two pairs of socks and a knowledge of what i like better#but i need to go buy yarn for it#so im doing that tomorrow on the way back from my psychiatrist appointment#knitting#knitblr
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just saw the most insane anti med youtuber ‘what happens when a psychiatrist takes antipsychotics! 😮 numb !’ like. perhaps it’s because u do not need them. it’s giving ‘the surgeon took ur pain pills before the surgery, didn’t enjoy it, so says u can’t have any after’
#stream#youtube is reading my text messages bc i got a message from the psychiatrist reminding me of the appointment tomorrow ALSKALKSLAKSLALALAKLKS#& THEN I SAW THIS
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i know there’s a lot of chronically ill/medically complex people on here so i was wondering, have any of you ever struggled with medical burnout (for lack of better words)?
(also gonna rant real quick under here sorry for the negativity)
i’ve been really struggling lately because it feels like half of my time is spent making phone calls and scheduling appointments and going to get tests and scans and spending months of my life just in limbo on waiting lists. i’m so sick of feeling like my health is a job and constantly being at the hospital for appointments like it’s gotten so bad that i can barely bring myself to take my meds anymore. it’s just so exhausting sometimes and i wish there was a way i could take a break from all of this without potentially making my health worse.
even today i woke up really sick and had to miss out on something i was really looking forward to yet i still feel this responsibility to make all of the medical calls i was planning to make anyway because i’ve been putting everything off for so long. it’s not like making those calls is that much work but it gets so frustrating being bounced around or not getting a straight answer because insurance or referrals or whatever other stupid healthcare system process that makes this all so much more complicated.
i also am still on the waiting list for my new PCP and have no idea when i’ll be able to actually meet her, yet my psychiatrist decided (without consulting me or my therapist) that because my meds haven’t changed recently (they absolutely have), i can just get all of my psych meds (including adderall) through my PCP….which i don’t technically have. i’m so frustrated because my nightmares have been so bad for years and they’re only getting worse and every med i’ve tried for PTSD nightmares is either bad for my physical health or doesn’t work at all and that’s really not something that i necessarily trust a pcp with??? it’s just not necessarily in their scope and i’ve had too many prescribers fuck up my brain and body by recklessly putting me on different psych meds without proper knowledge or research.
i’m just so frustrated and i’m so miserable right now i wish i didn’t have to do this for the rest of my life. and the fact that EDS literally just gets worse with age like? i don’t think i CAN do this for the rest of my life it’s just an endless cycle
sorry for complaining and ranting so much nobody is even gonna read this and that’s okay i just needed to get it off my chest
#i’m so so so so so tired#all i wanted to do today was be productive and go to this thing#and i woke up at 6 am sick#got a cute three hours of sleep and am in too much pain to sleep now#and i have to be at the hospital at 7 am tomorrow#not snz#sorry ignore this just rantinf#cw mental health#cw medical stuff#sorry idk how to tag it#i literally showed up to my last appointment with my psychiatrist and he said “’well i’ll probably never see u again bc this is our last se’#SINCE WHEN#like you could’ve fucking told me so i could make other plans#whatever#i shouldn’t be surprised anymore
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my summer vacation is gonna be WILDDDDD this year oh my god. First I have 2 week and a half long vacations with my dad because my brother is getting married. THEN. I’m going on a cruise with my mom and THEN at the end of summer I’m getting knee surgery because apparently I have like 3 different somewhat serious conditions going on all at once IN 1 SINGLE KNEE what the HELL MAN 😭😭😭
anyways yeah art is probably gonna be slowing down a LOT over summer and I don’t think I’ll be able to participate in artfight this year. Maybe a little but if I do then I’m gonna be focusing on close friends only really LMFAO
#Yeah#so about my knee#APPARENTLY#i have a displaced kneecap. Joint dysplasia. AND hypertension caused by the displaced kneecap which means I’m gonna be needing knee surgery#Me when my genetics are FUCKED WAAAAAAAH#I’m also gonna be volunteering at a marine center for some extra service hours for school at the beginning of summer so yeah my summer#Is gonna have no room for art LMAOOOOO#I’ll try to do a good chunk of stuff though so :3!#I got a bunch of projects planned and I’ll probably slowly work on those as summer goes on#And artfight I’ll just have to find room through my vacations!#I shouldn’t be TOO inactive but I know I will be after I get surgery so yeah! I’m gonna get as much work done in advance so I’ll have stuff#To post throughout summer :3!#Anyways yeah was just feeling silly and wanted to talk I’m relatively okay and I’m not in too much pain rn as I just got my knee brace in s#Yall don’t gotta worry about me too much HEHEHE#Anyways thank you for coming to my ted talk I got a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow so bye bye :3#Cro chatter
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hello friends i am still Alive
#so uh#my memory is still gradually going down the shitter#almost lost my job to it last week#but i've finally got my psychiatrist's appointment tomorrow#and a ct scan scheduled for 2 months from now#so things might. develop?#in any case that's my Doctor's Note Excuse as to why i haven't posted/replenished my queue in so long#aka the stupid explanation#i've literally been forgetting to do it All The Time#but HEY i'm super sick rn (not covid at least)#so my mind is free enough to let me remember to finally feed my poor queue#HUZZAH
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I do wonder who I'm going to be once I stop having debilitating anxiety all of the time
#it's. yeah#trying not to expect it to be completely magically gone and even then it still feels unimaginable. for it to just not ruin my life every da#it affects me That much at this point#I look forward to meeting whoever I will be in however long. but I so have no idea who they are#me probably. but a very very different me#I've got my first appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow. please god let that turn the winds in my favour
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free by florence the machine comes on shuffle right after i hit post on that last post. and. well yes
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Just remembered I have a psychiatrist appointment so early tomorrow. And I obviously dyed my hair so recently because there's green staining on my face. I don't think it's going to look great for the bipolar diagnosis, to disclose that I was feeling impulsive and wanted to get control over something, so I dyed my hair at midnight.
#i dont really like this psychiatrist but ive only seen her once so i figured i should give her one more shot#last time i saw her she adked how i liked my anxiety meds#i said i love them. theyre helpful and have no side effects since my body got used to them#and i said i explicitly didnt like ky old ones cuz of how they made me feel#she prescribed the old ones and said i should just tey taking a smaller dose. even though im on meds i like#but the bigger problem is#we went over all my previous medications. ive been on several. a lot of antidepressants especially which is really bad for bipolar#the worst antidepressant cause pericarditis (swelling around my heart) that made me go to the emergency room#we went over that. i told her everything i just told you#my bipolar leans heavily into the depression so she decided to tey another antidepressant along with my mood stabilizer#can you guess which antidepressant she prescribed? can you??#and i didnt realize it at the time because she called it the generic name so i couldnt explain she shiuldnt prescribe me that#and i meant to callher about it but it completely slipped my mind and i thought i had more time#and then suddenly my appointment is tomorrow#or the other thing she recommended was lithium. which feels like wuite an escalation#eapecially since she said it can cause irreversible damage to (maybe remembering this wrong) my kidneys#like i feel like there must be a better option. none of which are anxiety meds i dont like. an antidepressant that sent me to the hospital#or something that could cause irreversible damage. like i feel like theres a better way#i also need to talk to her about setting up an adhd assessment#i had an assessment a few years ago in which i was told im 'too smart to have adhd'#calling adhd people not smart is bullshit. you cant be too smart to have adhd. and i feel like i was just dismissed because im female#he said he wished he could score as hugh as i did on the knowledge tests#man me too. maybe then you wiuldnt be such an idiot. how did you get a license to practice. how did you pass any higher education#are you just a random guy that walked in off the street? i refuse to call him a doctor#i call him a quack or by his full name because i don't think he deserves the respect of that title#what was i talking about. oh yeah trying another assessment with an actual doctor this time#wish me luck with my appointment tomorrow bcuz she might try to kill me again#or dismiss my concerns of adhd like she dismissed my dislike for my old anxiety meds#im in hell. being mentally ill is hell a little bit#actually its not. im fine with my mental illness. im not fine with how doctors treat me because of it
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Remembered I have an Eyebrow Wound rn and honestly. Hfkshfks I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and I hope they don't comment on it 😭😭😭 like pay no attention to the gash on my eyebrow or my slightly raw nose. Don't even worry about it.
#speculation nation#nose thing is. well. my dermatillomania has been acting up this past week.#i think it's starting to calm down at least 🤔 but my nose skin is a Little Bit Raw still.#oh well. im actually not entirely sure what to say at the appointment. bc it's about the adhd meds#whether i stay on this dosage or adjust it or switch to something else entirely.#like my side effects have gone down a lot. outside of that one bad headache event last week it's been Fine ??#honestly i barely feel it now. which. is kind of also a concern.#like theres maybe a slight brain squeeze but otherwise i dont know if it really has helped me with focusing.#certainly hasnt helped me with my executive dysfunction. but idk if a different medication Would help with that.#i guess itll be a conversation to have with the psychiatrist tomorrow. hopefully she can help me figure it out.
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really not looking forward to this appointment in a few minutes but what choice do we have boys
#personal#my psychiatrist does not like me whatsoever but we're stuck together right now#i'm not kidding man the last two appointments have been hell for no reason#it's unfair#wish me luck#i am not the only one having issues with them though so that's something#i would go into a whole rant in the tags but i'm already tired thinking about everything that's been said#if i come out okay i'll have gifs for tomorrow#if i don't it's nap time
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...
#love that when ur stressed and having a bad time it makes ur menstrual pain worse so you feel even more awful#like. yes. id love to get things done but unfortunately i need to go home immediately at 2pm bc i feel physically ill. vibes wretched.#im considering sleep here at 6pm but 2 b fair i think i only slept 4hrs last night. woof. tomorrow is gonna b interesting#i think the allergic reacting is abt over now tho. like im not really itchy anymore. the rash is still visible but i think its just dry now#bc of the cold. so was i ever reacting to the tatto0? or was it all the medication? im so interesting in what happened#would i not have had a reaction if i hadn't got a bunch of holes poked in my skin? or was it just a coincidence#that the rash started on that arm? ugh. so frustrating. and i think the psychiatrist forgot to actually book my appointment from when we#last talked so idk. maybe if i watch t4skmaster over and over it will heal my soul#ay. its all very frustrating. and i still dont have fucking autoclave access. fuck off. just give me the fucking key code#i just wanna pour plates 🫗 lol that actually looks a lot like pouring solid media. i dont wanna have to steal someone else's card to open#the door. who even locks up an autoclave??? they didnt at my old school and u could wheel a body into that thing. im pretty sure it was#bigger than this one. also there's another unlocked on on campus. why?! i ask ppl and fucking no one knows. that's just how it is#ugh. i should go to sleep. my tummy hurt#unrelated
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me rn
#rambles.#still no meds.#i soooooo totally can't wait for these withdrawals i'm about to have tomorrow <3333333 /s /s /s#sorry for acting like a crackhead on main. i just. this majorly sucks lmao#for the record i've never misused a medication or substance in my entire life#yet i feel like i'm being treated like an addict and forced to suffer for no reason lmao#however i did manage to book a telehealth appointment with an actual psychiatrist tomorrow so. we'll see how that goes
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Well, well, well. If it isn’t my old friend...the dawning realization that I messed up bad.
#feels like i lost control over my life#im stuck in the same place no matter how many decisions I have made#holding hands with josh would solve my problems#im mentally ill#i'll be fine#psychiatrist appointment tomorrow yey#(i wanna kms)#girlblogging#dollcore#femcel#messy aesthetic#manifesting#coquette#hyper feminine#josh hutcherson#i need him#dollette
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i am a loserdaughter
#my parents just reminded me how incredibly disappointed they are in me#ive had depression for three years now and im not able to do basically anythingbecause of it and#they literally truly despise me for it#they even tell me so they literally just told me how frustrating it is that i am always inbed#andhow having a hard ti’e is just what happens when you are part of society but you shouldnt stay inbed because of it#time*#??!!!? i am in THERAPY i am on ANTIDEPRESSANTS i literally have a psychiatrist appointment TOMORROW#WHY ARE U REMINDING ME OF HOW MUCH U HATE ME FOR NOT BEING HAPPY
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im angry as fuck again i think I'll jerk off again
#i know whats pissing me off....... but i wont make too much of a deal of it... lets just calm down#also ordering more cbd gummies tomorrow. and booking a appointment with a psychiatrist or smth
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is 6:45p too early to go to sleep asking for a friend
#i'm sleepy but it just seems so early#but maybe i'll sleep for a bit and then wake up energized and do some replies then#i have an appointment with a therapist tomorrow at 10 and then a follow up with the psychiatrist but so mcuh energy#i'm a sleepy girl though and going out took a lot out of me asflkgj#ooc.
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