#ps how do you spell lily's name

[seishironagi2]

A Love Across Eras

A/n: Hi, I'm back. Sorry, I broke my posting daily streak :( I will try harder, my angels, ily. PS, I hope you like the new chapter and, as usual, please leave any tips for me in the comments!

summary: you guys settle into your situation and begin to find your way home.

James Sirius Potter x muggleborn!reader

word count:2118 words

warnings: none

read the previous parts: part one part two

"So that's pretty much it," you say, clapping your hands together as you rest them on your knees.

"So your saying, you are from three years later and, this thing," the long black hair boy says playing with the time-turner when the three of you flinch, Albus reaches out, pocketing the broken object

"brought you here," he says, finishing his sentence as he looks over at his three friends' reactions. the three of you nod in sync while you look over at James, his eyes filled with awe as he looks at the man who he's named after.

"what's with him?" Remus says as he points at James, still staring at the two boys unfazed.

"Oh, don't mind him. He's a little slow. plus, when we entered Hogwarts, we heard a lot about you guys and your pranks. he kinda idolises you guys," you say as you groan, snapping your fingers in front of the boys face.

"What are your names?" Peter says, finally speaking up as he makes eye contact with Albus when who looks away after hearing stories from his father.

"I'm Y/n L/n. This is James Walker, my boyfriend and Alfred Walker. and as you know, we need to go back home soon," I say, introducing the two boys with a smile.

James Potter and his girlfriend Lily walk in, hand in hand, as they take a seat beside the boys.

"Who are you guys" Lily questions with a smile as she looks at you

"I'm Y/n, this is James, and this is Alfred. you probably haven't seen us around because We're a couple years from the future, and we got stuck in this year cause someone put the year wrong," you say, looking at James with a look.

"And that was the short version if you'd like. they can give you a longer one, where they argue for the most of it." Sirius says sarcastically, earning a small, secret pinch from Remus.

"I was trying to surprise her with our anniversary!!" he says, trying to reason for his mistake.

"Gods, you're lucky I love you." y/n says as she kisses the boy's cheek while Albus imitates gagging, earning a chuckle from the group.

"We need only a little help from you guys, then I promise we won't bother you." You say with pleading.

"Correction, she won't bother you, we will." James says, pointing at himself and Albus, who rolls his eyes.

"We just need an empty room to stay in. please!" you say, hitting james on his head, giving him a look that says shut up. the boy closes his mouth, immediately shutting up.

"we do have an empty room beside our dorm. but like it's fully empty, with no beds. nothing." Sirius says, trying to think.

you look at James and Albus, a look of glee in your eyes as you three say, "That's perfect."

"And that's not creepy at all." The other James mutters in Lily's ear, who gives him a small slap in return.

the group begins to lead you, up the stairs into a small and empty room. "Perfect." You say.

James and Albus take everyone outside, closing the door as you mutter the spell.

"domum trahere usque." (which roughly translates to house pull-up). your eyes sparkle as you notice your unfamiliar surroundings change into more familiar ones. your hand reaches towards the door, opening it.

"Come on in!" You say, opening the door as you head to your shared room with James, instantly grabbing a pair of pants and his hoodie, shuffling out of your red dress and into the comfortable clothing.

Everyone shuffles into the living room, mouth agape at how large it is. you make your way into the kitchen, getting out some sodas for everybody and placing them on the table.

"Please sit!" You say ushering them to sit as you hand them their sodas. your James and Albus run into their original rooms and change into more comfortable clothes

"h-how?" Lily asks, looking around the room.

"What spell did you use? how did you manage to create it?." Remus asks soon after

"Well, this is actually a spell I made later on in the future. it didn't take too long since I had help from my defence against the dark arts teachers' help," you say, answering everyone's questions in one go.

"oh right, we still haven't introduced ourselves," Sirius says as James and Albus walk back into the room, Albus taking the last seat on the sofa while James opts to sit with you, lifting you up and softly placing you on his lap.

you lean your head on his chest while everyone introduces themselves. Though you all know their names already, you pretend not to avoid blowing your cover.

soon after, all of them made their leave, each of them having a class to attend. you move from James' lap, opting to sit on the sofa, each one of you sucked deep into your thoughts as you abruptly stand up, causing the boys to flinch.

"we'll go to the library. find any books we can on time turners or time travel in general," you say, grabbing a house key, making your way outside the house. the boys following your lead.

upon entering the library, you split up, each of you trying to find a different book on time travel. Somehow, James finds nine books while you find three, and Albus finds eight,leaving you three with a total of 20 books to go through.

you reach for the book on the very top of the bookshelf, almost falling on your head when james catches you in his arms, smiling down on you.

"This reminding you of anything?" he says, helping you stand up again, crossing his arm around his chest, his eyes scanning you with a smirk.

"it reminds me of the time a very cocky 12-year-old boy helped me," I say with a teasing tone as I sit down, opening the book

"That's all you remember?" he says, smiling when he sits down beside you. "Because I remember you being so grateful, you stole my first kiss," he says, his smile never fading.

"it was an accident I didn't mean to." You respond, covering your face with your hands. "I was just trying to kiss your cheek." You continue. your face flushed a bright red.

"Keep telling yourself that." he responds smugly as Albus comes by, the environment immediately changing into a more serious tone, hoping to avoid a lecture for being too lovey in public.

the door of the library slams open, the four marauders entering as Remus grabs a book from the bookshelf, heading toward his table when he notices you three sitting there. seeing that you all look busy and focused, he sits at the other end and avoids making noise.

James, Sirius, and Peter run around the library, looking for their precious moony, and when they spot him with you guys. he receives a look that he doesn't mind.

"Moony, come on, we have this amazing prank to play on Severus Snake," James says, snickering as Albus flinches at the mention of his name but ignores it once you give him a soft smile.

"Nah, boys, I don't feel like it today, I might just stay here and read," he says, his eyes not once moving from his book, other than the eventual glances at you.

"What about you three? Are you in for pranking Severus?" Sirius asks, slowly warming up to you three. James' eyes meet yours at the request, filled with pleading looks.

"I'll pass, I need to finish this. but since these two aren't the greatest help. it'll be more help if they're gone." You say with a small smile as you continue to read, eventually marking things that seem important. James and Albus both stand up, giving you a tight hug and repeating thank yous.

"Go on now before I change my mind." You say smiling bigger as the five boys run outside, their laughter echoing through the hallways.

"If you'd like, I could help?" A voice speaks up, shifting your attention back to the task at hand. you look up to spot Remus, standing in front of you.

"Are you sure you want to? it's a lot of work." You say with a soft chuckle that makes Remus smile softly after hearing your laugh.

"Of course, plus, this is the one type of books of which I haven't read yet," he says, rubbing his neck. He knew he was lying. He just didn't know why. so the boy sat beside you and began reading. the silence on the table was chilling, but it was broken on occasion with your humming.

Your thoughts go to James, wondering what prank he's trying to pull off now, and you smile, imagining his big goofy smile and his laugh.

Meanwhile, Your James was with the other James, who was getting scolded by Lily for pranking her childhood friend again. the boy just looked down, and James couldn't help but chuckle. the sight reminding him of his parents.

"So!" Remus starts, breaking the silence, "tell me more about yourself," he says, crossing his arms, looking at you in the exact way Teddy does.

you pause for a moment, thinking about what to say. "Well, I'm 17 right now, and I was born on June 16th. I'm a Gemini, my favourite colour is green and I like to sleep and hang out with James. i used to knit a lot, but i sadly lost my needles and then couldn't continue." You say, not looking up from your books.

He hums in response. "What about you? Tell me about Remus Lupin," you say, finally looking at the brown-haired boy.

"I'm also 17 as of right now, I was born on 10th March 1960, my zodiac sign is a piece, and my favourite colour is blue. I like chocolate and hanging out with my friends. I really like reading as well," he says, continuing to write.

After a couple of hours, the two of you finished talking (yapping) and made notes of 6 books. which helped you speed up your process by a lot. the two of you got close enough to be considered friends.

"You really did that?" Remus says laughing as he helps you pack the notes and your quills.

"We were twelve, and I was grateful for his help, I didn't know he'd turn at the same time," you say laughing softly, grabbing the bag as the two of you walk to the common room. finding all of the boys sitting there.

James grabs your hand and takes the bag off your shoulders. He calls Albus over. "Guys, it's really late, and We're gonna go to bed now! Goodnight." James says as he grabs the house key from your bag, opening the door as he drags the two of you to the sofa

"Remus! same time tomorrow?" You say as you look back, noticing his small nod. you smile and let James drag you to the sofa.

"Jamie, it's just 9:30. Why are we going to bed so early?" You ask, looking at the boy while he starts pacing around the room, running his hands through his hair nervously.

"I was bored, and I checked our phones even though we all decided to keep them hidden," James says while Albus rolls his eyes.

"Classic james, always wanting to stalk his girlfriend's instagram even when she's with you." he says, scoffing at the stupid boy in love.

"Aww, you stalk my Instagram when you miss me? Jamie, that's adorable," you say, blushing softly but still teasing him.

"Yes, I do, but that's not the point -" he continues, "y/n that's not even the gist of his love. he has pics of you everywhere in our house," he says, making fun of the already embarrassed boy.

"Awe Jamie, you love love me, hm?" You say, a big smile on your face as he stops covering his face, though the tip of his ears turning bright red.

James takes a deep breath in. "Yes, that's all true. My point is I have a bunch of texts, and can you guess from who?" he says, looking up.

"Who?" the two of you say in sync, curious who could be texting the boy to get him this shaken.

"It's my dad. he's left at least 50 texts on each of our phones and 20 missed calls," he says.

"Say we're at my house, visiting my family. we'll be back in a week or so." You say biting your nails again.

"That should work, right?" Albus asks, looking at the two of you.

"it will."

ok, I'm done with part 3. I hope you like it xx

part four

[severus-snaps]

So this is fair in that what can one man do about a system of blood purity where beliefs are held, to varying degrees, throughout wizarding society? (Even Dumbledore's friends and Order members occasionally have something vaguely rude to say about Muggles, as though they're stupid or how they have no idea how Muggles can exist without magic). Anti-Muggle views (and on the other end of the scale, Pureblood supremacy) are just ingrained in most wizards and witches, whether they're cruel about it or not. It's just one of those things.

But Dumbledore is not only portrayed as the most powerful wizard, but one of the most powerful men in the books. And he was only able to be removed in CoS because Muggleborns were being attacked by the heir of Slytherin - and Luicus had to (I think) put on an air of being upset by his inability to protect the Muggleborn students, and he had to threaten the Board to achieve it. So the Board, even with Lucius on it, pretended to be (or were) level-headed. The Ministry was probably worse in terms of Pureblood supremacist membership, but they only got substantial control over the school when Umbridge took over - when Fudge decided that Dumbledore was gunning for his job. Until then, I think it was said that Fudge was faurly regularly coming to Dumbledore for advice, and they were on friendly terms.

Going back to Snape's generation, Dumbledore knew several things. He knew that Voldemort was a bad egg; he knew that he'd applied for the DADA position and been rejected. By 1970/1971 (the year that Snape started), I expect that Dumbledore also knew that Voldemort was recruiting. At the start of PS, he and McGonagall say they've had "precious little to celebrate for 11 years" or something; when Hagrid talks to Harry about Voldemort eleven years later, he says "about twenty years ago now", Voldemort started looking for followers. A few years before that, Voldemort requested the DADA position and Dumbledore rejected him possibly on the basis of him recruiting his students, amongst other things. Back then, Dumbledore already knew that Voldemort's friends/servants were going by the name of Death Eaters.

The war started the year Snape went to school, or at the very least creepy disappearances and other strange happenings did. Voldemort was so feared five or so years later, in the memory with Lily, that Death Eaters were widely known and Voldemort had racked up enough terror points to be called "You Know Who" instead of his name. Even Lily knew that Snape wanted to be a Death Eater; she knew that his friends did, too. I can't imagine a world in which "omniscient" (according to Voldemort himself) Dumbledore wasn't at least vaguely aware, because he named Voldemort's DE friends the night they'd been in the Hog's Head, and presumably knew the more dedicated blood supremacist families, and also knew that Slytherin was the House most associated with Pureblood supremacy by virtue of its founder only wanting members from "all magic families".

So, at this point people are (becoming) terrified of Voldemort. It's possible he has supporters on the board of Governors and in the Ministry (since he has spies/people under Imperius everywhere). But Hogwarts was practically untouchable even during Voldemort's second rise because of all the "ancient enchantments" and stuff, and because Dumbledore is one of the most powerful wizards ever and Voldemort is afraid of him.

Hogwarts educates just about every magical person in the UK. Dumbledore is the most powerful wizard alive and holds a few titles in the Ministry himself as well as an excellent reputation. Blood supremacy is deeply entrenched in society, but especially in the old families that tend to end up in Slytherin.

Personally I'd start with a Taboo on the word Mudblood, and go from there - but I'm not the most powerful wizard in the world and I have no idea what spells are available to me, but Dumbledore can undoubtedly create a few as well.

I'd probably make Muggle studies compulsory and not a 3rd year optional class, and make sure it was taught by a competent Muggleborn. If I was feeling really outlandish, I might even bring in a few in-the-know Muggle family members of Muggleborns, perhaps to Hogsmeade, on a regular basis - to humanise Muggles to people who've never met them before. Ideally I'd get a better head of Slytherin house than Slughorn, who (I uncharitably I expect) cares more about his crystallised pineapple and Slug Club dinners than student radicalisation, and who is happy for people to practice dark magic so long as it doesn't come back to bite him personally in the arse, and who harbours a few Pureblood supremacist views himself dressed beneath a veneer of friendliness. Dumbledore also had experience himself with turning to "the dark" and realising the error of his ways, he was famous for his defeat of Grindelwald - but nobody widely knew they were friends beforehand, per Lily's letter. If he'd been a braver man, he might have tried to use his own story of redemption/enlightenment to shape the young minds being funnelled into the ranks of the Death Eaters - perhaps on a one-on-one basis, after the Mudblood Taboo was set off.

In terms of showing favouritism, I'm sure Snape would disagree - the wake of the werewolf prank saw him silenced in favour of the Marauders. Lucius also doesn't like Dumbledore which I expect started in school, but I can't say to what extent that was because of Lucius' view of Dumbledore as a "Muggle lover" and what was because of his behaviour in school. (Apart from reading Muggle newspapers and not talking about them like they're animals, how exactly does Dumbledore "love" Muggles? Do we ever see it mentioned or shown? I don't remember, but apparently not being a dick to Muggles is all it takes to be classified as such).

And just as a post script in terms of Slytherin winning the house cup, I think that was all in the last decade (seven years if I remember correctly) before Harry started. That means Snape had encouraged that as head of house, but prior to that point, we have no information in the books (I don't think).

After the first war, the Order could also have been campaigning for better treatment of Muggles and Muggleborns, enacting this sort of thing on a wider scale, etc... but instead their whole thing was to Defeat Voldemort (eventually, and sort of... badly? Like they were being "picked off" and were vastly outnumbered and the whole Harry situation was a fluke and Hogwarts would be next to fall with the Diary being used as Voldemort planned). A decade or more between Voldemort's fall and return and they haven't even tried recruiting or softening people to their cause until he rises again and nobody believes them, and as attitudes haven't changed, they're stuck for recruits - because they had no goals beyond that. Defeat the Big Bad. Back to business as usual.

And all of that before I've even had my first coffee this morning. Imagine what Dumbledore could've done with a decade and magic and his good name and the ear of the Minister and his own experiences.

Anyway sorry this has been on my mind for a bit because I did my MSc and now my PhD in mini critical consciousness interventions (encouraging people to think critically about social/political/economic oppression) so I did find it genuinely interesting and it's not meant to be rant-y I just got overexcited 😂 I also recognise that actual examination of oppressive systems isn't really JKR's Thing and people who think about them in the books largely get ignored and mocked by other characters and the narrative (e.g. Hermione and SPEW).

Tldr: Dumbledore held a position of massive influence and security both within the school that educates 98% of wizarding society, and to a lesser extent within the Ministry, and I think he could probably have done a teensy bit more.

didn't dumbledore ever think it was a bit odd that nearly every Slytherin that went to school with Snape turned out to be a death eater

I mean did he really think that a quarter of wizarding britain was just evil from the moment they turned 11 or did he just never realize that maybe, just maybe his obvious favoring of the rest of the school over slytherins contributed to it?

[enteringvulturedimension]

How many podcasts do you think the Lilly Kane murder has in the Veronica Mars universe and how many has Trina Echolls been on?

[ashesandhackles]

Snape for the ask game

Yessss! Another one of my favourites.

• favorite thing about them

The moment he kills Dumbledore. It's a stunning act of bravery, respect and faith in Dumbledore that moves me every time. It's also an act of utter damnation - to be seen as a monster by the cause and people you are fighting for. He has no way of knowing Harry would ever clear his name (and given his treatment of Harry, it won't be expected of Harry to do it) - he still did it anyway. Ultimately, he dies giving Harry the information that leads him to walk to his death, thereby choosing saving the Wizarding world over his personal atonement. I bring attention to this because it has to be brought up that his arc brought him from asking for Lily's life to be spared to "Lately those who I cannot save. "

• least favorite thing about them

So usually, I have a lot of distance from fictional characters and their flaws, but the reason I took time to appreciate this character is because his treatment of Harry hits too close to home. I have enough distance from it now to see what he is thinking and feeling, but yeah, as a young teenager who was also targetted by a teacher, this flaw was not fun to read. Although I always appreciated Harry and Ron speaking up to him - and with distance, the scenes have now become funny.

• favorite line

The grandness of his opening monologue in PS? What a drama queen:

"I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses... I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even stopper death -- if you aren't as big a bunch of dunderheads as I usually have to teach."

Also everything in Spinner's End chapter! The way he dances around Bellatrix and uses her high opinion of Voldemort against her is hilarious. I still laugh at this response to Bellatrix's "He'll have me! I who endured Dementors for him!" - > "Yes indeed, most admirable. You werent a lot of use to him in prison but the gesture was undoubtedly fine. " 😂😂😂

• brOTP

Lucius I suppose? He clearly seems to care about Draco and he is unable to watch Narcissa crying. She also seems to know where he lives. And given that she is a pureblood witch, stepping into a place like Spinner's End speaks a lot about their relationship. He also reacts unconsciously when Harry names Lucius as a Death Eater at the end of GOF.

The tension of Snape working against people he likes and saving people he dislikes? Wonderful.

• OTP

It would be between Snape x Narcissa - the Unbreakable Vow textually reads like a marriage, where Snape steps in Lucius's stead as Draco's protector and Snape x Sirius: The narrative parallels between these two and the amount of mirroring? Excellent stuff.

• nOTP

Snape x James. I am aware there are very good writers who make this work, and I write Snirius so I can't be a hypocrite - but the power dynamics in SWM is too visceral for me to try this as a ship. (Also the reason why I prefer Snirius as 30 somethings, where their power dynamic is not as stark as it is when they were teenagers)

Snape x Lucius too, a bit? The skewed dynamics of Lucius being older (he was a prefect when Snape was a first year), better social status, wealth etc and Snape being a poor half blood boy makes me feel a bit wary. I have read stories where this pairing is present and I am not too fond of it.

Snape's life is defined by shuttling between two powerful men - Dumbledore and Voldemort. Don't give him skeevy power dynamics in his romantic life too 😭

• random headcanon

Has a bitter rivalry with Antonin Dolohov, another Death Eater who seems to be really good with Dark curses (the spell he uses on Hermione in OOTP). Snape thinks he is an obnoxious prick.

• unpopular opinion

Lol, where does one begin? I will say that there are multiple bad faith interpretations about him because character discussions are polarised and there is no nuance in the conversation. I will go with something that will not have people start yelling at me:

- There is no evidence that he became Lily's stalker. If he was, people who have the Marauders map would have known, and it would very well be used to retrospectively justify their behaviour. Which they don't do. Watching Lily as 9 year old child desperate for company and someone else like him in that miserable town from behind a bush does not make him a stalker.

- Asking for Lily's life to be spared is a manifestation of his utter indifference to evil and lack of empathy in the beginning of his arc. From only caring about Lily's life to coming to a point where he says "Lately, those who I cannot save" is the arc. From calling her Lily Evans on the hill top to calling her Lily Potter in Dumbledore's office ("i have spied for you, lied for you, put myself in mortal danger for you, all to keep Lily Potter's son safe") is the arc.

- Reminders of Lily make him suicidal ("you remember shape and colour of Lily Evans' eyes, I am sure?" "don't! Gone ..my fault" "is this remorse Severus?" "I wish I were dead"), so no, he would not be having Lily's hair and asking women to change into her, or look like her, or ridiculous headcanons like that. "always" is a manifestation of guilt and grief. Dude caused the only person who cared him about him's death. Of course he can't move on.

- Harry narratively positions Snape's love for Lily as a pure force (represented by a Patronus) against Voldemort's sneering about desire. You are not supposed to be on Voldemort's side about this 😅

• song i associate with them

Aisha Badru - Bridges

• favorite picture of them

This one

Baby Snape always breaks my heart with his fragile hopefulness and this one

That second one was so powerful, it inspired my The Lightning Struck Tower meta and the imagery surrounding his death (which i still have to finish writing).

[droughtale]

Lily's Saga (Droughtale's Prologue)

Note: everything you will read about here is relevant to the plot. This is a six-chaptered mini-series we literally just finished writing the last chapter for, and it is the official prologue for Droughtale as a story.

Hope you enjoy!! Comments, likes, and (most importantly) reblogs are appreciated!!

PS: There is a lil bit of art sprinkled in towards the end. Four pieces of art in all hehe. So look forward to that~

======================================

CHAPTER 1: Living A Nightmare

======================================

Lily could say, with confidence she was sure no other human had, that she was never going to enjoy seaweed again. She could list with confidence over a thousand reasons why seaweed is the worst food to have disgraced the planet.

It is too salty. Too scratchy. Too dry. It makes you feel dehydrated. Even when it is wet, it sticks to your teeth. Sticks to your throat. Sticks to the singular piece of sanity you have left.

Sanity. Now that is a term she laughed at. What does sanity even mean?

But, of course, it’s the cheapest option. 50 cents at the gas station for a box of twenty. Not even noodles were as cheap as that, and it wasn’t like she had money to spare. She hadn’t even landed a fucking job, despite seemingly every damn place in the city being available for hire.

So, she begrudgingly bought it, along with the cheapest pack of water available. A quick snack that fills her stomach, even if it makes her want to throw herself into the road for the next passing car to smash her brains in.

She really should have thought it through when she decided to pay for herself. But how could she keep leeching off of her poor, elderly parents? They needed the money for their personal health and to buy that cabin in the woods they had always dreamed of. Its what they deserved, for being such loving and graceful people, towards both the strangers and neighbors around them, and towards their idiotic waste of a daughter.

God, why was she having an internal meltdown in the waiting room of some big-time company? Even if this interview went well, and she did land a job that let her afford better things to eat for breakfast and lunch (hell, maybe even for dinner), it was sure to be boring. Probably some mind-numbing office job no sane person would want to spend their free time on.

“Lilian Sephone?”

The voice of a young lady – probably in her early twenties, like Lily herself – snapped her out of her internal crisis. She shot to her feet, almost stumbling over herself (God, what a great first impression) and – of all things – saluted in her panic.

If God is real, he definitely didn’t bless her today.

“E-eheh- that’s me!” she exclaimed, awkwardly switching her salute to a head-scratch.

The lady raised an eyebrow, chuckling, “I will assume you are nervous? Well, don’t be! This interview should be rather short. Four questions long, actually!”

That, to say the least, took Lily by surprise. What kind of job only asked four questions? Regardless, she decided to give a shot. Anything to stop eating that damn seaweed. So, she nervously shrugged (what kind of response is that, anyways?) as she followed the lady into the office for her interview.

Reluctantly, she fumbled her way into the seat across from the interviewer, and smiled awkwardly, showing off her stupid braces and goofy teeth. God, she probably looked like the dumbest dork of all time. This interview was going splendid.

“Alrightie! Before I ask you the actual questions, I need to confirm the information that you gave me online, just so I know I do not need .”

“O-Okay!” Lily responded, probably forcing herself to sound a little too enthusiastic. The interviewer didn’t seem to mind.

“Your name is spelled L-I-L-L-I-A-N S-E-P-H-O-N-E. However, you prefer the nickname Lily?” she asked, staring down at a device that was built into the table. Lily would have been more intrigued if she weren’t so distracted by the question.

She could barely even remember applying for this job online. In fact, she didn’t recall ever applying. But that was probably just her exhausted college brain, considering she applied to many jobs online. Its not like they would have reached out to her to come in if she hadn’t applied first, anyways.

“Y-yes, that’s correct,” she cleared her throat, trying to stop the tremble in her voice. The lady smiled, pushing her glasses up her nose and a strand of her black hair behind her ear.

“Great! And you also said you are unemployed and are taking classes at the local university?”

Lily, for some reason, was beginning to feel creeped out. Its not like she had any reason to. These were probably being asked for scheduling purposes…but the way the lady was staring at her, the intensity in her eyes…it made Lily’s heart race.

“Yes. I am unemployed and am taking classes at Ebott University,” she laughs, probably as a fear-response, “how many other things did I say online?”

The interviewer leaned forward, just enough to make Lily uncomfortable, but not enough to be openly creepy. “Just that. Are you ready for the actual interview?”

Lily nodded, just wanting this to be done as quickly as possible. She really could go for some quiet time by the lake after this.

“Fantastic!” the lady clears her throat, making eye contact with Lillian, “Do you have any disabilities, disorders, or other conditions we should be aware of?”

An understandable question. They cared for her health (or at least wanted it to seem like they did, on the outside.) So why did it make her feel personally invaded?

“I have diagnosed depression and social anxiety, but nothing that should keep me from working hard, Ma’am.”

The lady laughed in response, “well, thank you for telling me! Are you on any medication or have any medical accommodations we should be aware of?”

“I am on Fluoxetine. 60 milligrams total, ma’am.”

The lady began typing on the device, probably keeping note of it, in case she passed the interview. Lily laughed awkwardly, impulsively splurting out, “Hope being mentally ill isn’t a dealbreaker!” The immediate embarrassment that hit her was soul-crushing, but the lady just laughed, shaking her head lightly.

“It may cause difficulties, but it definitely isn’t a dealbreaker of any sorts! Only two more questions left! Hope that isn’t too overwhelming for you,” she joked in response, to which Lily forced a laugh. This place really pulled every lever of discomfort for her. She couldn’t wait to leave the building and probably never come back.

“Do you live alone?”

The calm way of which she asked such a stalkerish question made Lily’s entire body shudder with goosebumps. It was such an unnatural and unnecessary question to ask a potential employee. Why would that be any of their business?

Lily wasn’t having this. She stood up, shoving the chair away, her instinct to flee stronger than her internalized manners.

��I-…I’m sorry, I don’t think- I’ve changed my mind- thank you for the opportunity, but-“

She tried to open the door. To her dismay, it was locked. The terror building in her chest caused her to begin hyperventilating, tears building in her vision. She wanted out and she wanted it now.

“Lily, you must calm down. This is by no means meant to be an uncomfortable conversation for you, but-“

“No, no, GET ME OUT, I WANT OUT! HELP!” she screamed, voice cracking in desperation. She was sure now, positive from the deepest depths of her soul that she did not ever apply here. They tricked her, they knew she was applying for jobs, and they lured her in- was it a cult? A sex-trafficking ring? She should have paid more attention, this building was clearly a façade, it was clearly made to look appealing to lure her in.

The woman approached. She screamed louder, begging God himself to save her.

The woman’s hand reached out towards her arm, brushing against her skin-

…

Lily awoke in tears, drenched in sweat. The taste of seaweed rested bitterly on her tongue, her throat feeling awfully dry.

Why did she keep having nightmares like that? Always a different person, in a different scenario, somehow finding their way to her. A date. A stranger at a coffee shop. A “new student” at college. And now, an interviewer.

They always came in nightmares related to her real life struggles. But she just couldn’t understand why she was having nightmares like that. She had never been stalked, harassed, or anything like it. Her life had been conveniently normal, asides from that strange sense of Déjà vu that seemed to haunt her constantly. But something as strangely useless as Déjà vu definitely didn’t warrant nightmares like that.

Perhaps, it was something she needed to contact a doctor over. Perhaps, she just needed to hear gentle reassurances from her parents over the phone.

She hopped out of bed. Perhaps starting her day early would ease her mind.

Her chest filled with warmth. Today would be better. She was determined for it to be.

======================================

CHAPTER 2: Whispers

======================================

Lily had never quite understood it when people said they had inner monologues. A voice inside of someones head sounded like an oddity to her; an abnormality that crazy people had.

She had never once experienced any voice in her head. And, originally, she had assumed if she did it would be her own voice.

So it was quite reality-wrenching when the voice of a child echoed in her mind. All the more terrifying that she could only just barely make it out, like a whisper in the distance. It was so faint, in fact, that she couldn’t even understand what it was saying to her. Or maybe it wasn’t even talking to her; maybe it was talking to itself, or someone else.

She had been terrified. The nightmares she had been having lately rang in her heart like alarm bells, and she could feel her heart pounding so hard that she (irrationally) feared it would break out of her chest.

She searched every room in her house expecting a hidden intruder. She checked the outside of her apartment at least forty times. She climbed the roof (to which her neighbors yelled, but she was too paranoid to care). She checked all her devices to see if a recording or video was playing somewhere. She ripped open her ceiling and floor boards, unscrewed lightbulbs and opened couch cushions, expected something, ANYTHING to reveal where the noise was coming from.

And then, only when she yelled out a frightful (and, to be honest, somewhat pissed) “WHO ARE YOU?!” did the voice abruptly stop. As if it really was a child, startled into silence.

It didn’t restart for the rest of the day. Nor did it begin again the next morning, after she failed to sleep.

Lily got herself a cup of her emergency coffee (only to be drank during the most important of times, as to save money) and grabbed her car keys, ready to surprise her psychiatrist with an extra visit.

She could use the counseling over spending her day in class anyways. One day missing from her college record wouldn’t destroy her future. Insanity would, though.

======================================

CHAPTER 3: Stir-Fry

======================================

“Schizophrenia: A mental disorder that affects a person's ability to think, feel, and behave clearly through hallucinations, delusion, paranoia, or a combination of these factors. Antipsychotics may work as treatment.”

Lily couldn’t stop re-reading that paragraph on her phone screen. It felt as though it were taunting her; laughing and mocking her for her confusion.

It just didn’t make sense. The words felt meaningless to her, confusing and contradicting. Her psychiatrist just…didn’t understand it when he had suggested it as a possibility. He didn’t understand just how detrimental the implications of this were to her life.

Now, Lily had nothing against people with schizophrenia. She herself had mental illnesses. But she already had too much on her plate, dammit!

But at the same time, it would explain so much. It would explain the paranoia, and the nightmares, and that voice that she could only hear in moments of dead silence.

Voice? More like voices. It always changed between sounding like a little kid, to a grown adult, and the occasional garbled sounds of what she could only assume was a drowning demon.

The part that bothered her was that she couldn’t make out a damn thing the person – or people – were even saying. She wouldn’t be so paranoid and anxious all the time if she knew they were discussing dinner or their day at work. For all she knew, the voices were planning genocide or arson!

No, no. This is stupid. The voices aren’t real. The psychiatrist is right; you probably are suffering from yet another mental illness.

She took a deep breath. In and out. At least the voices weren’t speaking right now. At least she had some kind of explanation to turn back on when all of life wishes to tear her to pieces. She took a sip of the iced tea her psychiatrist had so kindly bought her during their meet-up at the Café earlier that afternoon. The sweet lavender flavor blessed her tastebuds and helped her relax further.

Setting down her cup, she stood up to walk to her kitchen. No seaweed right now; she deserved to treat herself to a stir-fry. She opened the freezer, welcoming the cool breeze. It felt good. Reminded her of her childhood of sneaking popsicles during the night. Damn, were those popsicles good, and damn was she a brat. She really should have obeyed her parents more.

No time to dwell on it, though. She pulled out frozen peas, carrots, and green beans. Sure, they wouldn’t be as tasty as fresh veggies kept in the fridge, but…those veggies would go bad sooner, and she didn’t have the money to afford that.

She set the frozen veggies on the counter, moving on to open up the cupboard and pull out some noodles to boil. As she reached for the nearest box, though, a peculiar feeling arose in her chest. Her heart felt as though it was slowing.

Her eyes rolled into the back of her head, her vision going white, before-

…

She woke up with a start, yelping and slamming her head against the bar of her bed. Rapidly, she looked every which direction.

No, no, no! This didn’t make any sense! There was no nightmare! She never went to bed! How did she even get here?

She sprang out of bed, rushing to the kitchen. If she had somehow fallen asleep and made it to bed, that would mean she left out her frozen veggies and tea!

…The counters were bare. Perhaps she never actually got out veggies? Perhaps, she had fallen asleep before that, and drowsily walked to bed, before dreaming of eating because of her hunger? That would mean her tea would be on the table, though…

The table was bare, too, for everything except her phone. It just didn’t make sense. She yanked it up, opening it with her finger print, and pulling up the internet. When nothing but Google showed up, she decided to see her search history.

The last thing it said she had searched was “jobs hiring near me.” There wasn’t a single trace of her browsing of schizophrenia. Not any evidence of her searches for medication. Not any evidence of all the blogs she read by schizophrenics describing their experiences. Nothing, nothing, there was just fucking NOTHING!

She collapsed onto the couch, burying her face in her hands. She wanted so badly to bash her head in. A headache was already forming, anyways.

…

Wait, no. This had to be the nightmare. Not all the other stuff. Clearly, she had passed out while getting the noodles, and now she’s dreaming! All she has to do is wake up.

“Wake up,” Lily murmured, “please, please, wake up. Wake up, wake up, wake up. I have food to make. I have things to read. Just wake up.”

She closed her eyes, waiting. Nothing but silence. Who knows how long she kept her eyes shut for; a minute? Ten minutes? An hour? She didn’t even care. She was terrified she would open them, and be somewhere even worse than before. That she would open them, and all those people stalking her in her nightmares would be surrounding her.

But, as her stomach grew more and more desperate, growling in hunger, she could take it no longer. She opened her eyes, the light of the open windows blurring her vision. Her eyes slowly adjusted and…

…Nothing had changed.

…

Lily couldn’t stop herself from sobbing.

“Maybe,” she thought, “I am crazier than I thought.”

She hoped someone could hear the cries and drag her out of this mind-twisting purgatory. In fact, that’s exactly what she needed. Someone to talk to.

She grabbed her phone, and began to dial the number of her parents'.

======================================

CHAPTER 4: Haunted

Disclaimer/note: The part about Soul-Conjoinment is PURELY MADE UP for the context of Undertale, but all other forms of plurality mentioned (DID, OSDD, UDD, Endogenic) are REAL things. Please PLEASE do not treat them as fiction! Only the soul conjoinment is fictional!

Also, keep in mind that its like…2430, which is 400~ years ahead of us, so society has become generally more accepting. Ableist/racist/queerphobic assholes are WAY less common.

======================================

Lily scoffed down her newly-cooked stir fry and drank more of her emergency coffee. Despite the fact that she had mysteriously awoken in bed earlier, she still felt exhausted.

How many days had she missed of college? One day? No days? A week? She couldn’t tell. She didn’t even care to tell. She couldn’t sit in those classrooms, in those hard chairs that made her back and bottom ache, and act as if everything were normal right now. No, right now, she needed some solace. Some evidence that she was still alive and in reality.

As she ate and searched on her phone, she began falling down a rabbit hole she wasn’t sure she was fond of. She clicked on an article recently published by a popular psychologist.

“Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID): a condition in which ones mind forms alternate identities, typically to cope with traumatic events. These identities may have their own names, ages, genders, sexual orientations, races, appearances, and may even have memories of ‘other lives’ they have lived. Dissociation, time loss, and memory loss may occur upon switching control of the body.

Certain forms of OSDD (Otherwise Specified Dissociative Disorder) or UDD (Unspecified Dissociative Disorder) may also result in plurality. Non-disordered plurality (also known as “Endogenic Systems”) are still being researched.”

God, she did not want to have other people in her body. Perhaps that were offensive to plural people out there, but its not like she was judging them. She just didn’t want it to be happening to her specifically.

Then, in the recommended articles, she saw one titled “Soul Conjoinment: Fictional or Historical?”

Despite her anxiety of what it may entail, she clicked on it.

She had heard of souls once before; her Grandpa had told her all about her great-great-great-grandparents, and how they fought in “the war of Humans and Monsters.”

Apparently, souls are supposed to provide magic of some kind. And apparently that magic could only be activated in humans, by being around Monsters, because they were “made of magic” or something along those lines. She couldn’t remember it all in detail. She just knew that “true magicians do not exist anymore” because of the monsters being locked away.

Frankly, she didn’t believe him, even as a child, because no history books ever mentioned monsterkind. But according to him, any mention of Monsters and Magicians were cut from history books on purpose. Just as many history books used to cut out mention of queer people, people of color who played large roles, or women who played large roles…it had been done and done again and again, and Monsters too were a victim to it.

She still didn’t quite buy it, and teased him for being a liar at the time, but…

Maybe…

…

She began reading the article.

“Soul-Conjoinment is a long discussed and debated topic amongst the plural community. Someone who claims to have soul-conjoined siblings states that it is ‘like conjoined-twins’ except that there is ‘only one body and the souls are what is conjoined instead.’

Mainly claim this to be ‘ridiculous’ and ‘just an over-complicated way to describe endogenic systems’; however, historian Alina Maleway and biologist Marko Johnsan have come forward to give statements regarding this phenomenon.

Alina states, ‘Humankind has been trying to reject the idea of souls ever since the war against monsters occurred. Humans have accepted many types of people – people of every race and culture, the queers, the disabled, the neurodivergent – though they still face difficulty accepting that Monsters existed, and likely still exist, in the prison we shut them behind.’

Marko followed up, stating, ‘Souls are very much real – we just haven’t been in touch with ours since we rejected Monsterkind, and thus, rejected magic.’

…

Lily could hear the voice in the back of her head laughing. It was so distracting she couldn’t keep reading. Lily could do nothing but burst into tears, which pathetically dripped into the remainder of her stir-fry.

It was so stupid that the very thing she was looking for an explanation for was the same thing distressing her to the point she couldn’t read.

She banged her head against the table in front of her. It was sure to leave some bruises on her forehead, but she honestly could care less. She just wanted this to be over.

…she was taken aback when, despite her eyes being closed and her phone being out of her view, the voice continued reading the article. It was the first time the voice had been loud enough for her to actually understand its words, and she jolted up in surprise, gasping aloud.

“Humans need Monsters for their souls to work – blah, blah, blah, tons of professional garbage – red souls are the rarest souls-“ the voice laughed aloud, as if that were amusing and ironic somehow, before continuing, “every soul has seven forms of magic, but whatever color it is, is the dominant trait – blah, blah, blah- Jesus, you couldn’t have found a more boring article, could you?”

Lily shot to her feet, batting at the air around her. The remaining stir fry (that had been sitting in her lap) splattered on the ground, and the bowl smashed into pieces. Lily yelped in surprise, scrambling up onto the couch.

She was hyperventilating. She was delusional. She was psychotic. Something, God, anything had to be wrong with her, because there wasn’t a chance this was real!

The phone began scrolling down, as if someone was browsing. She could – just barely – see the incorporeal form of what looked to be a young man – or, perhaps, a large doll? – holding her phone with one hand. A black aura radiated around him, and he seemed to have a red outline…

The man half-glanced at her. His face morphed into an equal amount of surprised and amused, and he asked with a tone of snarkiness, “Wait a sec…you see me? Well, I can’t say I expected that, but now that we’re here, we-”

The shock and stress was too much. Her vision went dark, and she collapsed to the ground, passing out as she did.

…

When she awoke not in the living room, but rather in her bed the next day, she screamed into her pillow, all the while fantasizing about jumping out of the nearest and tallest building.

She worried that leaving her room may lead her to confronting whatever spirit was just in her living room, and she decided she was not down for that right now. So screaming she would continue.

However, in her mind, only one thought echoed.

“Some drinks with a bit more than just caffeine would really hit the spot around now…”

======================================

CHAPTER 5: Haunting

TW: mentions of child-abuse + dollification, thoughts of murder, touch-starvation

======================================

God, waiting for her to open her eyes was so boring.

Michael hadn’t been so bored since his time incacipated as a doll. The silence was mind-numbing, eating away at his brain like maggots in a rotten fruit. It didn’t help that his phantom companions were off on their own stupid “missions” to watch over loved ones, so he had no one to talk to. Not even his alternate selves – GK and Redacted_A – were around.

Why did this girl have to pass out so much? He mentally ticked off the amount of times he had witnessed it happen. This was the 47th, wasn’t it?

He chuckled to himself. Did most of those times even count anymore? Does an event stop counting as “real” once it’s been reset?

Should it even matter to someone like him, trapped in a literal lack of reality?

He paced around her house for the umpteenth time. It was kind of funny that she hadn’t caught on and realized that this day had already happened ten times. Then again, her schedule was so boring and redundant, that it was unsurprising she wouldn’t notice.

It did prove how much attention she paid at school, though, since she didn’t notice that the teachers were teaching the same lessons.

“I probably wouldn’t have noticed either,” he thought aloud, before laughing at himself. When he was a child, he used to feel so ashamed and stupid for being unable to focus on school; oh, how that had changed. He honesty found it hilarious how much confidence he lacked back then, compared to himself now.

Back when his father was still around, he beat him and locked him in the closet for hours if he got a bad grade. And then when his father “left”, Michael’s shame lingered with him, and his mother berated him. Her abuse was with words and not actions...at least, until the day she stripped him of his personhood and free will.

Why had he ever let his parents hurt him, anyways? He could have easily turned them into just numbers in his LV and EXP. They were bigger than him, sure, but he could have got them while they were sleeping. It would have been so easy. A single bullet to an unsuspecting Monster’s soul during their sleep would have done plenty of damage. Even if it didn’t kill them immediately, they would have been weakened enough to finish the job...

He giggled into his hands, clenching his eyes shut in amusement. If only. He would have never been stuck here in this void, without the touch of another living being. Would have never been violated and stripped of his rights. Torn to pieces by both his mother and his well-meaning siblings and stripped of true affection…

He would never say aloud just how badly he ached for affection; how badly he ached to be touched. His body had surely become sensitive to every sensation after such a long time without anyone (or much of anything, for that matter) to feel.

He deserves to be touched. He knows that now. He deserves to be hugged, held, kissed, caressed- he deserves intimacy. He doesn’t deserve the empty chill that he faces, day after day, hour after hour, second after second, sending shivers and goosebumps up his skin and through his poorly-sewn stitches, leaving him feeling hollow, leaving him to hold himself and pretend that it wasn’t his own arms, but the arms of someone else.

It was a lonely experience, to be certain, and he could admit that to himself. Just not to the people around him. Never to them. He refused to be infantilized – or worse, objectified – again.

He was taken out of his thoughts when he finally heard muffled pillow-screaming from Lily’s room. What a relief. It was offensively hilarious to think that seeing him could have knocked her out from shock. This was something he was definitely going to tease her about at some point.

He floated into her room, quietly phasing through the door and settling by her bed. She didn’t seem to notice him, not that it surprised him; she was hiding her face, after all.

“Mornin’, beautiful.”

Lily screamed, jumping out of bed and wacking her head against the wall. Michael couldn’t stop himself when he burst into laughter; something about those panicked, blood shot eyes got him feeling excited...which probably isn’t a normal reaction, but...

“I know I’m a looker, but I didn’t think I was good enough for you to scream~ At least...not until we’ve had some alone time~”

“WHAT THE FUCK, WHAT THE FUCK, OH MY GOD!” Lily backed against the wall, body trembling. Michael, however, was captivated by the terror and confusion laced in her eyes. The way her fear made her lips tremble. The softness and chub of her cheeks and arms...

A warm tingling feeling rocked through his chest, and despite everything, he felt an overwhelming desire to kiss her.

‘Guess being alone for so long made me a pervert...’

Now that thought made him chuckle again.

He waved his arms in front of him in a ‘relaaax’ motion, and brushed some of his hair out of his face.

“Relax, Lily. I’m not here to hurt you. On the contrary, I’m here to help you.”

“Who...w-who are you?” Lily asked, her voice dipping up and down from a whisper to a half-hearted shout.

“Michael,” he answers, without hesitation. Once in a lifetime, he would have hated being called by a name his poor-excuse of a father had shared. But now...the name felt powerful. It delighted him to know that the same man he was named after died at his childhood hands - albeit unintentionally, but still...it was him that killed his father.

“N-no I mean who are you?! L-Like...WHAT are you?? Why are you here? How are you here? A-are you the reason my life is a NIGHTMARE?? Cuz if you think this is funny, t-then we’re going to have some problems!”

Despite how clearly desperate she was to seem intimidating, he could easily tell she would (metaphorically) piss herself if he so much as moved too fast. It made him want to jump out and scare her. She would probably have a cute reaction...but now was not the time for that.

“I’m a phantom. A monster. A doll. All three, honestly,” he shrugs, “Basically, I’m not supposed to exist anymore, and you’re the only person I’ve found outside of the shithole I live in who can see me. As for your life being a nightmare...eh. That’s your magic doing that, not me.”

Lily fell into complete silence, staring at him as if he were spewing nonsense. Her mouth was slightly agape, her eyes half squinted as if staring at him hard enough would make things make more sense, and her eyebrows were scrunched together. He couldn’t stop the snort and snicker that came out of him at her expression.

Humans really had become so dumb and lackluster when it came to teaching these things in school. And for what? Just to forget about the monsters they had gladly tossed away like garbage?

“Okay, listen up, sweetheart,” he backed away from her, going to the doorway, “How bout this. You go get yourself some breakfast and coffee, and meet me on the couch. For someone as strong as you, you sure are dainty, and we just can’t be having you on an empty stomach for this.”

A moment of silence passed, before a look of concerned realization washed over her face.

“...’for this’? What the hell do you mean ‘for this?!’ F-for what!?” she half-yelled, half-whimpered. He had to bite his lip to stop himself from laughing at her.

“I’ll explain once you’ve gotten some food in your system. Now stop diddle-daddling around, and get the hell out of your bed. It was boring waiting for you.”

She gasped, shooting out of bed and approaching him with clenched fists.

“Excuse me!? Its not my fault you CHOSE to stalk m-HEY!”

Once she got close enough to him to touch, he slammed the door in her face, using his phantom-powers to lock it and keep it locked. There wasn’t any chance he was going to let her touch him; not when he wasn’t 100% positive he would be able to keep his cool, after so long without so much as a handshake being possible. Especially not when he was sure she was going to slap him or strangle him.

She slammed her fists against the door repeatedly, and continued shouting at him – most of it being profanities – but he just ignored her and settled himself on the couch. She would wear herself out eventually. And if she decided to do something drastic, like jumping out of her window, then only she would be at fault for whatever injuries would come with a fall like that.

He picked up her phone, turning it on and entering in her password – he had seen her put it in plenty of times by now – and began scrolling through her contacts. Luckily, she only had ten or eleven people’s numbers, so it wasn’t hard to find the one he was looking for.

Her Therapist. He deleted and blocked that contact with 0 hesitation. That lady may have been a therapist, but she sure wasn’t open to monsters and hybrids. In other words, she was working for the Humans Against Monsters Association.

He realized it when he saw her slipping in some strange powder into Lily’s iced tea. His suspicions were only confirmed when she passed out in her kitchen while attempting to cook stir-fry, and the world rewinded, proving that it was poison that had killed her. He was sure that if she hadn’t re-loaded, he would have witnessed members of HAMA show up to take her body away, and frame it as a “death of natural cause” or frame it as a runaway.

Luckily for Lily, dying meant that she had gone back to her SAVE point – which was before she had told her therapist any of the sketchy things going on with her life. Not that she even realized that; she hadn’t exactly caught on to her time manipulation yet. Which was fine – he would explain that to her once she stopped going ballistic screaming and trying to break down her door.

He put down her phone, and slumped back into the couch, closing his eyes. It was easy to tune out the noise; having his paralyzed dollified body dragged around by his screaming toddler siblings had trained him well.

He felt his eyelids grow heavy. Perhaps a short nap was due; it would give Lily plenty of time to waste her energy away, and give him plenty of time to recuperate for their talk.

Perfect.

======================================

CHAPTER 6: Conclusion

TW: extreme touch-starvation, knife-threats, injuries, masochism, referenced dollification + child abuse

======================================

It had been a very long time since Michael had felt weight on him. Actually, it had been a long time since he had felt anything on him – he hadn’t felt anything physically besides himself for 462 years. So feeling a weight on his lap – a warm one, at that – was jarring enough to wake him up immediately.

When his eyes met Lily’s gorgeous multicolored masterpiece of eyes, he tried (and failed) to keep himself from trembling. There was a girl. On him. A girl he could feel. A girl he could touch.

...She was also trembling from head to toe with a knife at his throat, but that was beside the point. The point was he could feel someone. And if Goner Kid and Redacted_A weren’t using their soul-link to stop him, he would have hugged her immediately, regardless of the danger that would potentially split open his neck.

Lily was trembling, in a mixture of exhaustion, fear, and most of all, anger. She growled at him, her voice worn-down from the yelling she did while locked away in her room.

“You absolute bastard. You absolute shithead. You absolutely fucked-up sicko. You have a HELL of an explanation to give me. And you better have a FUCKLOAD of money to pay for my GODDAMN THERAPY.”

Michael wanted to make a snarky response. In fact, he 100% would have, if only Lily’s thighs weren’t wrapped around his legs. If only her face wasn’t close enough to touch his. It took everything in him not to lean forward and attempt to kiss her, and his soul pounded so violently it made him nauseous.

He was going insane holding inside the pure euphoria of physical touch. He wanted to cry, to scream, to laugh. He wanted to burst into hysterics. It’s what he expected would happen, after such a long time without this basic necessity.

But, somehow, he couldn’t push any of the emotions boiling and steaming within his soul out of his chest and stomach. Maybe it was the result of literal centuries of psychological numbing and undermining of his own trauma.

Or maybe it was that crippling fear of rejection. After all, expressing his emotions is what got him trapped in this Godforsaken body in the first place...

‘Whatever. Not the time. Stop thinking about it.’

“I’m kind of impressed that you not only got out, but have the gall to use violence. Didn’t think you had that in you.”

Lily’s face, neck, and ears went red from rage and humiliation, and she violently grabbed his chin with her free hand.

“YOU- YOU- AGH! YOU’RE SO LUCKY I HAVEN’T KILLED YOU!!”

Michael decided it was time to get out of this situation. He concentrated on his energy, before teleporting – which always hurt a bit, since the molecular structure of an erased-being wasn’t exactly built for it – and, for the first time since he was six-years-old, began a battle.

The world around them faded to black, and Lily screeched, dropping her knife in surprise at both his disappearing act, and the entering of the void.

“Okay, on a more serious note, it seems you’re ready to talk. Your adrenaline is perfect for this.”

“THE HELL DO YOU MEAN- OHHHHMMYyyggoooddd?” Lily’s eyes went wide as her SOUL came forward and began to glow. Michael couldn’t stop the grin that tugged at his face; it was a beautiful sight for him to behold, even after seeing it many times before.

“Thats your SOUL. The culmination of your being. Where all your magic is stored.”

Lily reached out, taking it into her hands. Her eyes grew even wider upon contact, and small giggles emerged from her throat, subconsciously. The presence of her own magic was calming her down...not that Michael was complaining. It would hopefully make this easier.

“Yeah, you better appreciate it. Cuz that soul is a one-of-a-kind. It would be shocking to find any other person on earth who’s got a soul like that.”

Now that made Lily pause and look back up at him. Instinctually, she held her soul closer, as if trying to protect it. She seemed to be trying (and failing) to think of something intimidating to say, but was getting distracted by the pure energy radiating in her hands. Michael couldn’t hold back a laugh.

“Chillax, gorgeous. I’m not here to steal your soul or kill you or something. I’m just here to tell you what exactly you’re capable of...as well as what you are.”

Lily’s head snapped up, staring at Michael with eyes that could very well bore a hole into his brain.

“W...What do you mean...? I...I’m human...”

He sighed, and stepped forward. Lily’s immediate reaction was to attempt to swipe the knife back up from off the floor, but Michael grabbed her wrists with his tail, holding her arms gently but firmly, “None of that. I’m not threatening you, so there's no reason for you to be threatening me. Capiche?”

Lily’s soul sparked with energy, electric shocks radiating from it, and zapped Michael’s tail. He instinctively pulled his tail back, shaking it a few times, but didn’t feel bothered by the pain. In fact, the pain was just a pleasant reminder that he’s alive – which made him giggle.

Lily, on the other hand, gasped and squeeked in horror upon seeing what it had done to his tail. It was as if vines were growing underneath his skin, and attempting to escape, throbbing and bubbling.

“HOLY SHIT! Did- DID I DO THAT?! FUCK! GOD! I’m so, so, so sorry-!” she rushed forward, waving her arms around in a panic, as if internally panicking over whether to grab his tail or not.

Michael simply snorted, raising his eyebrows in amusement as she panicked. It hurt so badly that whimpers subconsciously emerged from his throat – it felt as though someone was boiling water inside his tail, and the hot bubbles were trying to escape from his skin – but, in all honesty, it wasn’t much worse than the injections his mother had given him all those years back.

“Ch-,” his sentence was interrupted by another whimper escaping his throat, of which he promptly ignored and continued on, despite the horror on Lily’s face, “Chillax. T-this is exactly the reason I’m here.”

“YOU’RE HERE SO I CAN HURT YOU!?” Lily cried hysterically, dropping to her knees and carefully pulling his tail into her arms, cradling it like it were an injured child. He could barely hold back from melting – the palms of her hands were so much softer than he imagined...he blushed, looking away, and forced himself to sputter out his defense.

“N-No, dummy! Im here s-so I can help you! Like I've been saying! Your soul is unique, which means it is dangerous! I’m here to help you control it!”

Immediately, despite her gentle and compassionate touch on his tail, she sneered. She shouted at him, “Then why have you been STALKING AND TORMENTING ME!?”

His patience was running low. He clenched his fists, snarling his teeth. She had to be the most aggravating person he’d ever latched onto...

“FOR FUCKS SAKE!! I HAVEN’T! BEEN DOING ANYTHING TO YOU! All I have been doing is trying to get your attention! Everything bad that’s been happening to you has been either your own LACK OF CONTROL over your magic, or the people trying to kill you! I’m here to HELP you so that STOPS HAPPENING!”

Lily fell silent, gaping at him, eyes wide. She slowly let go of his tail, which he promptly pulled into his own arms, holding it close like a lifeline. It still hurt like hell, but it no longer felt like it was boiling; just like the aftermath of a severe burn.

A minute of silence went by. It felt deafening. Despite everything, guilt settled in Michael’s chest – he couldn’t blame her for thinking he was the source of her problems. If he were in her position, he would probably assume the same thing...still, it was aggravating that she hadn’t been listening to what he was telling her, so he also couldn’t blame himself for snapping at her...

He realized she hadn’t stood up, and was still on her knees. He sighed, and cautiously kneeled down, to be face-to-face with her. He slowly and gently put a claw on her shoulder, to which she stiffened momentarily, before slowly relaxing.

“Look...I’m sorry for yelling at you. I get it. Weird situation, right? I must seem like a massive creep.”

“...It doesn’t help that you keep making weird comments...” Lily grumbled, looking away. Michael sighed.

“Okay, yeah, I can see why that makes it worse, but you’re the first girl I’ve talked to in 462 years, and the last one I talked to was my mother when I was seven, so I can’t exactly say I have experience wi-”

He stopped talking when he saw the look of suspicion and concern on her face.

“What?” he asked, a bit of annoyance slipping into his tone. Lily looked like she might cry. He couldn’t understand why.

“You said earlier I’m the only one who can see you...” she stated, biting her lip in anticipation.

“Yeah, and?”

“So...you’ve been alone...that whole time...?”

Those words hit him like a punch to the gut. He thought about that all the time, but hearing those words from someone else...hearing them from her...

His throat went dry. He pulled his claw away from her shoulder and shamefully looked away.

“I...guess. I have a few people to talk to...sometimes...but its not like I can touch-” he stopped himself when he heard the soft gasp that exited Lily’s throat. He almost didn’t want to look back at her...but curiosity got the better of him.

He immediately regretted looking, and ripped his gaze away, staring at his feet instead.

“...W-what’s that look for?” he asked. He tried to sound aggressive, but he knew it sounded forced. Lily slowly put both of her hands over her mouth, totally horrified.

“...oh my god...you...” she half-whimpered, half-whispered. Michael felt his cheeks growing hot in humiliation. He hated being pitied. He’s not weak. He doesn’t need pity or sympathy.

He doesn’t need anyone’s help.

He burst to his feet, stepping back from her. He decided to ignore the clearly-disturbed look in her eyes, and spoke up. He pretended not to notice how his soul was aching, and how hers was trembling...

“Back to what’s IMPORTANT! Your SOUL. You are a hybrid of Monster and Human. And before you ask, its your mother’s side that’s monster. I checked your parents’ souls for you, when you visited...uh...fifteen resets ago, I think.”

He cleared his throat and decided to pause for a minute, to see if she would say anything. She didn’t; just stared at him like a kindergartener learning algebra, and as if he was teacher insane enough to try to teach it. Strangely, that encouraged him to continue. Probably because it made him feel smart (for the first time in a long time.)

“Anyways, Grandp- ehm, I mean, Dr. Gaster, a very intelligent scientist who is in the Void with me, has determined that your mom is 1/16ths monster. So, she probably doesn’t know either; basically, one of your great-great grandparents was a Monster, and your parents and grandparents probably weren’t aware...or kept it a secret for future generations.”

He paused again, waiting to see if she would say anything. He grumbled a bit in annoyance,

“Do you understand so far?”

She slowly nodded, though he could see the doubt in her eyes. Regardless, he continued.

“Okay, so, Gaster told me that the easiest way to explain this to you would be like this; you know how sometimes, two black parents have a white baby, or vice-versa? Cuz the genetics were in them all along, and science is funky like that? Yeah, that’s basically what happened here. Instead of being born with a human soul – like you were supposed to – you were born with a soul that leans more towards the side of monster, instead of human. Basically, you look human, you sound human, you bleed like a human, but if you died, you would turn to dust, like a monster. And, most importantly, you can use monster-magic. Like you did a minute ago. You can create magical bullet-patterns.”

Lily looked at her soul, with a look of both fear and amazement. He couldn’t help but smile.

“You see how it's an upside-down heart-shape? Human souls are right-side up. However...Monster souls are normally white, and human souls are normally one color – orange, yellow, green, cyan, blue, purple, or rarest of all, red. And from what Gaster has told me, monster-human hybrids usually only have two colors – three at most.”

He gave another moment of silence. For the first time since he started, Lily spoke, holding her soul as gingerly as one would hold a baby.

“...but...mine has...all the colors...”

He snaps his fingers, finger-gunning her, “Exactly! Your soul has all the traits – both human traits, and monster traits. And while that sounds cool – and is definitely pretty impressive – it also comes with some pretty bad side effects. Souls like yours, which have been recorded less than a dozen times, have always met the same fate; self-destruction. Once enough magic has built up in your soul, and your soul becomes active, it will begin to output that magic uncontrollably. Meaning attacks like this-” he lifts up his tail, “will become not only common, but uncontrollable for you.”

Her jaw dropped so hard, it took everything inside of Michael to hold back from laughing. He continued, although a small snort escaped at the beginning of his sentence.

“And no matter how much magic it outputs, it will keep re-filling, since that’s what souls do – they replenish magic once its been used. But your soul will replenish faster than you output- meaning it will overfill, and then...well. Death. For you, and everyone around.”

“...Are you saying I’m gonna DIE?!” Lily hisses, sounding absolutely terrified and baffled. Michael shrugs.

“You will die, hypothetically, unless you can empty all your magic at once, leaving behind only the DETERMINATION needed to live.”

“Okay, so lets do that, and quick!” Lily squeels, squeezing and caressing her soul as if it were a stress-ball. Michael waves his hands at her, as if telling her to ‘chill.’

“Thats exactly why I’m here. I have the perfect solution. As you’ve probably heard in legends and ‘myths’, Monsterkind is trapped under Mt Ebott.”

She nods slowly, seeming unsure of where this is going. Michael takes that as encouragement to go on.

“They are sealed by a magical barrier. One that requires seven human souls to break free of...or the equivalent to that.”

Her eyes sparkle with understanding, and she springs to her feet, snapping her fingers and finger gunning him this time.

“I can empty my magic into the barrier! A-and free monsterkind!”

He jumps to his feet, clapping, “Yes, yes! At the very least, it would be a HELL of a lot of magic, and weaken it a bit! It’d save you from impending death-”

“And get monsters a step closer to being free from their prison!”

Without thinking, Lily grabbed Michael’s hands, and spun him around. His hands tingled comfortably with the touch...and despite himself, he laughed. She laughed with him.

“Then your powers would stop fucking up your life, and you could go back to your everyday routine!”

“If you subtract the seaweed from my schedule, then I am so down!”

Lily stumbled over Michael’s foot, and the two fell into a pile on the floor. They burst into laughter. Despite the oddness of their situation, it felt good to let loose.

“God. Now I am glad you’ve been stalking me,” Lily said, through strained breath and giggles. Michael snorted, winking at her.

“And I am glad a babe like you can see me~”

She smacked his shoulder, albeit gently, with no harmful intent, “This is the weird comments I was talking about!”

“Well, don’t expect me to stop, cuz its just the truth!”

That made them both laugh once again. His cheeks were warm. Her cheeks looked warm, too. He wondered if she felt anywhere even remotely similar to how he felt.

“You know-” he snickered, “I am wondering, have you figured out that you were in a time loop?”

She gasped, looking at him with wide eyes. Slowly, realization dawned on her face.

“THOSE NIGHTMARES I HAD ABOUT BEING STALKED AND TRICKED BY PEOPLE WERE REAL, WEREN’T THEY?! OH MY GOD!! WAIT! Is that why I kept waking up in bed?! Holy shit! Were those people- do the- were they trying to- did they kill me because they knew I’m not-”

“Human?” he finished for her, sitting up, “yeah. We have lots to talk about. And don’t you worry, I’m not planning on going anywhere away from you for the time being. So how about...” he stands up, offering a hand to her, “we continue this conversation while we get you packed and ready for Mt. Ebott?”

Without hesitance, she took his hand.

“Sounds like a deal to me.”

[sxvxrxssnape]

minerva mcgonagall’s personal mission to make severus love christmas part 5

aka snolidays/snapemas day 11 and 12 (hot chocolate, baking) // pre-PS/the years between. minerva and severus friendship // content warning: panic attack and mentions of lily potter. i feel like this should be considered a snapetober entry oops. word count: 4287  @blog4snape

The night ended with more hot chocolate as the five stood together and watched a choreography of lights move above the pond, creating elves loading a sack full of gifts onto the outline of a waiting sleigh, watched it become glowing reindeer pulling it off the ground, rising in height and getting smaller and smaller until it disappeared and the light show began again. 

It felt like magic and he refused to believe none was involved. 

He fell asleep fully clothed that night, contentment and milk chocolate running through his veins as he begrudgingly made another mark on the imaginary scorecard. 

Minerva was definitely winning.

Saturday was spent finishing the potions for the infirmary, bottling and stoppering the dozens of phials, and methodically scrubbing the cauldrons clean as he read from a book hovering above the wash basin, the pages turning with a flick of his head. 

He dropped the potions off at the hospital wing, secretly pleased that Poppy was far too busy with a floo call to a student’s parents to bother giving him more than a thankful nod and a wave of her hand. He didn’t mind their conversations, but when three students were laid up sick on starched cots, Severus preferred to be as far away from the infestation as possible. 

He spent the night reading, a cup of tea in hand, the soft glow of candlelight nearby to illuminate the words of one of the books he had picked up from Diagon Alley. 

Sunday morning found him sprawled out on the couch in his living quarters, fully dressed once again, with the candles snuffed and the book astray, the teacup still nestled between a cushion and his thigh. 

He spent the day holed up in his office with a correcting quill, the stack of essays he kept putting off, and no less than four packets of crisps. It was dinnertime by the time he finished reading all the scrolls of parchment, his fingers cramping and eyes bleary. He had the beginning of a headache forming, but the grading was nearly caught up on. 

The remainder were short-answer questions, at least.

He wasn’t sure he could sit through another stack of eighteen inch essays for at least another month.

Perhaps two. 

The crisps had made him nauseous, so rather than attending dinner in the Great Hall, he flooed into the staff lounge and helped himself to his precious french press that had been left behind. As the coffee grounds soaked, he glanced around the room and took in the stockings.

There were some new additions.

There were his and Minerva’s - white, cable-knitted with fur trim, bearing their names embroidered in black thread - but also a bright blue with Filius’ initials, a pastel-pink made from crushed velvet with Pomona’s name spelled out in tiny yellow flowers, a black with silver snowflakes bearing Aurora’s family crest, and a neon orange war crime that could only belong to the headmaster. 

All of them had candy canes peeking out. 

There was a tree in the corner now - a tall, proud-looking noble fir - looking like an oversized houseplant when it was devoid of lights and decorations. He finished making his coffee and sat down at the round table, eyeing it carefully.

The rest of the castle was still surprisingly devoid of holiday decorations, but if this tree had already arrived, it was only a matter of time before the rest of it started creeping in. Soon enough, the place would look like a tinsel factory had exploded inside of it and the number of trees within the castle walls would put the Forbidden Forest to shame. 

He scowled at the thought. 

Later, he realized he had spoken too soon. 

Monday morning brought a fresh shower of snowflakes, a drop in temperature, and about thirty-six douglas firs into the Great Hall. These were already decked out with lights, ribbon, and colorful baubles. Some of the trees had clearly chosen sides, cheerily standing tall with the weight of red and gold ornaments, while others were laden with green and silver, blue and bronze, or gold and black. 

Garland clung to the old brick, neatly tied with red ribbon and perfect pinecones, spaced out above the portraits and high, arched windows. 

He didn’t want to think about the rest of the castle. 

There was white chocolate peppermint tea waiting for him at the staff table, so he conceded that not everything that morning was absolutely terrible. 

Tuesday was a bad potions day.

Not for him as a brewer, of course, but as a professor. 

By the time both his classes ended, eight different cauldrons had either melted, exploded, or absolutely disintegrated without a trace. He lost a full jar of moonstones because one student had decided to bring the entire fucking container to her table rather than count them out beforehand like he had advised, and it had taken all his self-control to stop himself from breaking down right in front of the class of sixth years. 

He had collected those moonstones himself, wandering the Forbidden Forest all fucking night, with only a lantern to light the way. They were supposed to last him at least another two months before he would need to venture out again - and the last time he had gone out, he’d nearly sprained his ankle on an upturned root and gotten a tree branch to the fucking face. 

Tuesday evening found him four drinks in, asking the house elves to please bring him some hot, salty chips from a local shop, and when the darling little elf returned with the newspaper cone, he babbled stupidly for two solid minutes from gratitude alone. 

Wednesday was a headache, a blur of back-to-back classes, a lot of frustrated yelling at completely inept students, a full pot of that wonderful white chocolate peppermint tea, and a sudden decision to not assign any more homework for the rest of the year.

Not because the awful little slimeballs deserved a break, but because he did. 

The elves made mushroom and wild rice soup for dinner, alongside everything else they always made, and Severus took more comfort than usual in the hot meal. 

Wednesday night was his turn to patrol the castle, so he stayed up half the night wandering the empty corridors. He pulled his cloak tighter around himself as he entered the Astronomy Tower, groaning as he realized Aurora was still there, carefully packing away her supplies post-lesson. 

“Oh, don’t act like you aren’t glad to see me.”

“Believe me when I say I’m not.” Severus returned, stepping to the edge and looking over the grounds. Most of it was cloaked by shadows, but the silver light from the moon was still enough to softly make out the silhouettes of the greenhouses and Hagrid’s little hut. “What, no comment on how I’m out past my bedtime?”

Aurora laughed, putting a bronze telescope back into its case and fiddling with the straps. “Not this time, no.” She glanced up at him and warned: “But don’t you ever make me miss out on family dinner again or you will regret it.” 

Thursday morning he slept in. 

He barely had enough time to pull on his teaching robes and run fingers through his hair before he had to hightail it to his classroom, frazzled and out of breath. He hadn’t had time to prepare the chalkboard the day before, and was quickly writing out the recipe in his messy scrawl, when the seventh years started filtering in.

“Alright, you’re going to need number three pewter cauldrons today,” he called out over his shoulder, finishing the last line of script. “Fill them with two liters of room temperature water and put your burners on low. Today we’re going to be brewing a more complex -”

“Professor?” 

He scowled at the interruption. “What is it, Mr. Greenwood.” 

“I think your robe might be inside out.”

He blinked and tried not to let his face flush with embarrassment. “Thank you, now as I was saying -” he continued awkwardly, shrugging out of his robe and flipping the sleeves inside out. 

“Your shirt buttons are fucked up too.” 

“Language!” he scolded, swallowing down the sharp coil of emotion building at the back of his throat. “And do not speak to me like that.”

“Hey, you’re the one walking in here, unprepared, with your clothes all fucked.” Greenwood muttered. “Just what were you up to before class, sir?” he grinned, his comment eliciting a few chuckles.

“Detention, Greenwood.”

“Now, wait a second!” the boy faltered.

“Do you wish to make it two?” he asked, his voice dropping an octave as he raised an eyebrow in questioning contempt. “Because we can surely arrange that.”

“No, sir.”

“Good.”

He finished the lesson on autopilot, quickly fixing the buttons on his shirt in the supply closet, fingers shaking nervously as he muttered angrily to himself. He shrugged back into his robes, double-checking they weren’t inside out again, and downed a calming draught on a whim - the shiny light blue bottle catching his eye from its place on the shelf - before returning to his desk. 

He made sure to scowl at each of them in turn and surprisingly enough, not another student made an unwarranted comment about his appearance, his teaching, or even each other. It kept him from reaching for another calming draught when he felt its effects lifting. 

Friday found him having a panic attack.

Then again, if no one opened the door to the broom closet he had squandered in, if no one came face-to-face with his crouched down, fingers tangled in his hair, not-quite-yet-out-of-breath, full body trembling self, could anyone really prove he was having an anxiety attack?

He’d barely made it through his second class and had dismissed the second years twenty minutes early, sans homework - and oh, Merlin, they were going to think he'd gone soft - before attempting to return to his personal quarters.

It didn’t quite work out as planned. 

His knees had felt shaky and he’d felt as if something were gripping at his throat, pressing down on his lungs, and he had to sit down and ground himself before he had a full-on breakdown in the middle of the corridor. He’d found himself stumbling, as he hid behind the closest doorway, the tidal wave of unchecked emotions too much.

His resolve was breaking.

He tried to focus on his Occlumency shields, tried to push back the unfiltered pain and fear he refused to think about - could not think about - because if he did, he was afraid he would never be able to function again. He was afraid he would break.

The dam was already broken though and now, now the rest of it felt inevitable. 

Now he was simply gasping for breath, tears welling in his eyes that he refused to let fall, sitting on the floor of a dusty broom closet, bathed in the dull yellow light that flared whenever it sensed movement, like some sort of spotlight - a beacon honing in on him, existing solely to put his downfall on display. 

Far too many thoughts were flitting around his head, crashing into each other and making it difficult to tell them apart, to pinpoint just what had been the trigger, the reason behind his weakness - because surely, that’s what this was right now: weakness.

Footsteps sounded in the corridor and he tried his best to muffle his ragged gasps, hand curled into a fist and pressed into his mouth, teeth sinking into the pale flesh, threatening to break through from the force he was using, so desperate he was to not make a sound. 

It didn’t work.

The footsteps paused, their owner faltering. 

Voices were speaking from the other side, hushed and mumbled, and with another stroke of panic, Severus realized they belonged to more than one. Students, most likely, and he curled tighter into himself, vehemently wishing for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. 

“Are you okay?” a hesitant voice traveled through the aged wood. 

He didn’t answer, but he figured his breaths were answer enough.

“Are you having a panic attack?” a different voice called out, sounding just as unsure as the first. “It sounds like you’re really struggling.”

“Do you need help?”

“They probably can’t answer, dummy.” a third voice spoke up, but this one wasn’t addressing him. They were all familiar, but his brain wasn’t letting him process anything to fruition. “Hey, if you can hear us knock on the door.”

He considered ignoring them, but in the end he knocked.

“Good!” the first voice praised. “Alright, knock if we were right about the panic attack.”

Again, he knocked. 

“Do you want help?” the second student asked. “I’ve helped my share of students through these.” He suddenly recognized Casper Jenkin’s voice, one of his seventh year Slytherin prefects. 

He groaned; as if this situation could get any worse. 

“I’m gonna take that as a no.” Oliver Greenwood’s voice muttered, so apparently yes, it could get worse. He was stumbled upon by his own snakes - and his disrespecting seventh years, at that. 

“Do you want us to get someone?” Allison Bone, the original speaker, questioned. “Madam Pomfrey or your Head of House? If you’re all the way down here, you’re probably a Slytherin, huh?”

He choked out a laugh at that. 

“Laughing!” Bone approved. “Laughing is good! That means you’re getting control of your breathing. The worst part of it is over now.” 

“I’m going to open the door, okay?” Jenkin told him, and the doorknob started turning. “It’s probably pretty cramped in there - definitely won’t help.”

“Don’t!” he let out, just as the door opened and he found himself blinking up at his snakes, the three of them blinking down at him, equally dumbfounded, and he wanted to scream at whatever joke of a higher being had shifted the cards enough to lead him here. 

“Oh!”

“Professor Snape?!”

He lifted a shaky hand to his face, brushing back disheveled locks of hair. “Get out.” he whispered, low and angry, not caring about the semantics that it technically didn’t apply. 

“Are you sure you don’t need -” Bone started, then faltered at the growing expression on his face. “Right, we’re leaving.” 

Greenwood eyed him a second longer than his companions, but rather than the teasing glint he usually held whenever addressing him in class, he wore something softer. “Sorry.” he mouthed, genuine concern flickering for a brief moment before he also left. 

He put his head in his hands and started laughing, softly at first, but when it became an ugly sob, he fought to regain his composure, nails digging into his scalp. 

He managed a deep breath, wiped his face on the sleeve of his robe, and hurried to his personal quarters. He was moving on autopilot now, slipping out of his teaching robes and into a jumper, grabbing a bit of floo powder and calling out a quiet, “may I come through?” when the flames turned a brilliant green. 

He stepped into Minerva’s quarters, bypassing her concerned look and collapsed onto the old couch, pointedly ignoring her as he stared at the vaulted ceiling. 

“Severus?”

“Panic attack.” he mumbled.

He remained silent after that, listening to the rustling of parchment and paper, the soft scribbling of a quill nib making its way across the page. For a few minutes, that was the only sound, until suddenly Minerva stood up and opened up the floo. Hushed voices followed, then silence, and he finally sat up when he heard the distinct pop of a house elf apparating into the room. 

Dorset, one of the school elves most identifiable by his height, was balancing a tray on one hand and a heavy-looking box on the other. He placed both on the kitchen table, nodded at the two, and apparated away.

“What’s this?” Severus asked, his voice gravelly and tired, as he stood up and approached the table. 

The box was filled with an assortment of items - butter, eggs, icing sugar, flour, and the like. He could see a bag full of dirigible plums sitting right on top and he smiled despite himself. The tray was holding two ceramic mugs, their contents hidden by the mountain of whipped cream and cinnamon they were topped with. 

“Sit down with me.” Minerva said simply, picking up the tray and bringing it to the couch. She sat down at one end, placing the cups on the coffee table, and waited. When he sat down, facing her, she handed him a warm mug. “I asked for hot chocolate.” she told him, eyeing him carefully. “Specifically the gingerbread one we had last week.”

“I liked that one.” Severus mumbled, staring down at his cup.

“I know.”

They were quiet for a few minutes, sipping on their hot chocolate, and Severus could feel his anxiety slowly ebb away as it was replaced by warm comfort. 

“You look awful.” she finally spoke up.

He smiled ruefully, but it felt more like a grimace. “I appreciate the honesty.”

“Have you noticed, how every time you experience feelings of distress, someone always tends to interrupt before we can talk?” she asked, watching him. “I think we’ve been putting it off long enough, don’t you think?”

“No.”

“We never got to talk about Yaxley.”

“We didn’t need to.”

“We also never finished our conversation about how you ask for my company whenever you venture out of the castle.”

Severus gripped his mug tightly. “You said enough.”

“You still flinch when people touch you.”

“Can you blame me?”

Minerva paused, studying him in a way that left him feeling exposed. “They’re all connected.”

He kept silent.

Her next words were unexpected. “What about Lily?”

“What about her?” he growled out, anger taking hold and manifesting into shaking hands. He swallowed down the bile he could feel rising, the taste of milk and chocolate suddenly acrid on his tongue.

“You never talk about her.”

“That’s because I don’t have anything to say about her!” Severus finally yelled, nearly dropping his mug. He set it on the coffee table and balled his hands into fists, refusing to break eye contact with the professor before him. “Lily died four years ago, but she stopped being my friend long before that! Do you want to talk about the guilt I carry, knowing it was my fault she died? Because no amount of talking, nothing I do will ever be enough to make up for the fact that I killed my best friend! And I hate myself for that, but Merlin, do I hate her too.”

“Do you?”

“Yes!” he burst out, the words he could never dare himself to say aloud now slipping off his tongue without trouble. “She was my best friend and then she sided with them, with him, after what he did to me! And that’s when I knew she was never really my friend! She saw what he - what he did,” he was starting to gasp for air again, “and she still, she - he -” 

He focused on steadying his breathing, arms wrapped around his torso. 

“I don’t.” Severus finally amended, in such a soft voice he wasn’t sure it even carried. “I want to hate her so much - and I am so angry at her, angrier than I’ve ever been at anyone - but I don’t hate her. I can’t. Maybe I wasn’t her friend, in the end, but I know she was mine. I lost so many people in the war, but she’s the one who hurts the most, so no, I don’t want to talk about Lily.”

Minerva hummed. “You sort of already did.”

He scowled.

“Drink your hot chocolate before it gets cold.”

Some of his anger fizzled out as he finished the drink. When they were done, Minerva stood up and started pulling out the contents of the box, lining them up on the counter. He joined her, watching as she leafed through a cookbook he hadn’t noticed. 

“We’re going to do some holiday baking now.”

“Are we?”

“If you’re not going to talk to me about what led to all this,” she gestured in his general direction, “then we’re going to bake some things for the staff party tomorrow.”

He nodded, sighing. “Where do you want me?”

They spent a few minutes in stilted silence, as he washed the bag of dirigible plums and cooked them down into a sauce, stirring in ground cardamom and honey. Meanwhile, Minerva whisked double cream and cornstarch with vanilla sugar and salt, the pot resting over low flames. He added the plum sauce and smiled as it came together and turned into the warm orange color he remembered. 

“What next?” he inquired, after the thickened mix had been poured into a mold and tucked away in the cold cupboard. 

“Biscuits?”

The sugar dough came together easily enough, pale yellow and perfectly smooth, and as they sprinkled flour over the table to roll it out, Severus started fiddling with the holiday cutters. 

“I can hear you thinking.” Minerva spoke up a few minutes later, dusting her hands off on a clean towel. She reached for a tree-shaped cutter and started pressing it into the dough. “Are you ready to talk now?”

“I have nothing to say.”

“Sure you don’t.”

They finished cutting out all their shapes, moved their biscuits into the oven, and cleaned off the kitchen table. Minerva was opening small jars of sprinkles while Severus whisked together icing sugar and egg whites. He focused on dividing the royal icing into small bowls, adding droplets of colored dye and stirring carefully as if they were a temperamental potion, when he finally broached the earlier subject: “They are all connected.”

“Pardon?”

He didn’t look up, merely repeated himself. “They’re all connected.”

Minerva pulled the baking tray out of the oven and cast a cooling charm before bringing the perfectly baked biscuits to the table. Severus picked one up and absentmindedly broke it into pieces. He shared it with Min and picked up another biscuit, carefully dipping this one into the bowl of red icing and shaking off the excess. 

He reached for the star sprinkles. “I try not to think about any of it.”

“You’ll have to, eventually.”

He thought about the broom closet. “I know.”

Minerva dipped a star biscuit into the bowl of yellow icing and handed it over to Severus, who immediately covered it with three different colors of sprinkles. They worked in tandem for a few minutes, dipping and sprinkling all their biscuits, and eventually a spoon was introduced to their project and Severus found himself drizzling thin stripes across some of them.

“I’m giving this one a Dreadful.” Minerva decided, picking up what was supposed to be an ornament, originally dipped in white icing, but then covered with uneven globs of blue. 

“Fair enough.” Severus shrugged, levitating the dirty dishes and moving them to the wash basin, spelling the water on. He picked up a candy cane-shape that had been rolled in yellow and violet sprinkles and then drizzled with green. “This one, however, is deserving of a Troll.”

Minerva spelled the dishes to wash themselves and then raised an eyebrow at him. “Severus, you decorated that one.”

“I’m aware.”

The yule log cake was a little more time consuming to make. He sat down at the table and watched Minerva separate eggs and whisk the whites with sugar until it foamed.

“It would be faster if you spelled the whisk.” Severus offered.

“We tried that once.” Minerva laughed, not slowing down. “It worked great at first, but all of a sudden, the whisk was flinging meringue all over the room.”

“How delightful.”

Meringue was light and shiny and the brightest white he could imagine. Min filled a piping bag with the foam and showed him how to pipe little mushroom tops on the baking paper. When he took the bag from her, he was surprised to find it bore no weight.

“Do you not know how to hold a piping bag?”

“Evidently not.” he grumbled, looking at his hand and the fluff of meringue that had spilled out of the bag and over his hand. 

“You’re supposed to hold the end closed, you numpty.”

“Numpty?” Severus muttered under his breath.

“Elphinstone always did the same thing.” Minerva shook her head, fixing the bag and finishing the job. “No matter how many times I corrected him, that man couldn’t hold it right. Always went off about how he’s the ministry liaison for the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Min, I don’t need piping meringue mushrooms in my skill set.” She took in a shaky breath and set down the bag. “See? Perfect.”

“Min-”

“Don’t just stand there, Severus.” she scolded, thrusting the cookbook in his hands. “Get to work measuring the dry ingredients. You can make the cake while I make the frostings.” 

He started sifting flour and cocoa powder. “It’s okay to miss him, you know.”

“Of course I know that.” she humphed, putting the tray in the oven and spelling the dishes clean. She unwrapped a stick of butter and stared at him. “Do you know that?”

“Minerva, I only met your husband twice.” he deadpanned.

She flicked a bit of icing sugar at him. “Don’t be smart with me. I’m not the one repressing all my emotions and pretending they don’t exist until I can’t stave off the impending panic attack and end up crashing in my colleague's quarters because of it.” 

“Fine, you win this one.” he muttered. “You are the pinnacle of mental health, professor.” 

“Excellent.” Minerva grinned, but her smile seemed a little bitter. “Does this mean you’re going to talk to me now?”

“No.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Numpty.” she repeated. 

---- a/n: i was in the mood for angst tm also the ending feels a little rushed but it is 3am rip. im not gonna finish this series by christmas but my goal is new years. time exists in a vacuum anyway and is not real. ps. let me know what you think pls!! it gives me all the seratonin

[lost-my-plot]

"They Who Hold Their Tongue..."

Ohhhhhh what's the fufuf I'm actually doing as promised well that's surprising from me. But this took a while because I really could come up with any ideas, however the lovely [] helped by giving me the curse(s) our sweet reader must suffer but I did unfortunately go with the classic sleeping. let's get to the story.

PS. Someone also gave me a rook to motivate me to finish this. I feel as though I should give them something in return lololo

PPS. THE HALLOWEEN EVENT AHHHH

-creamy

Reader is also a merperson yet what type is up to you (tho Floyd's nickname for you is koi for irony)

TW: grief, reader 'dying',

Tell me if I need to add any more

The simple happiness that swallows Azul when he stays by their side. A person who saw past every partof him; beyond the chubby past and the immoral way he runs his business, helping the insecurities that lurk. The twins also found joy in the company of ____; they can all relate im ways they can't get with most others in the school, bond about missing the beautiful way sun shines in the water or how the coral and other planets seem to be alive as the current speed up or slowed. All the small things they didn't get at school on the land.

The night was louder then usual. More bodies to work around and serve, brighter lights flashing and moving most of the movement scaring the poor unfortunate fish who live in the central aquarium. How could there not be such a fuss on such a day; you see the trio had to plan something extremely large for their fellow fin having student's birthday, and this it was; though as usual there was still a profit to be made so a birthday event: where select drinks (____'s favorites) were on 'sale' and Azul's 'advice' only costs half as many points. This way of profiting was working greatly but that wasn't the main focus of the night the main attraction was on ___ from gives being given and normal conversation. What could possibly distract from the joyfully festivities

As the night continues and the crowd of customers thins out, leaving just ____, a few finishing their meals and three planning their final gift for the [fish type] mer as some employees finalize the cake. Speaking of the cake, it was beautifully crafted all the details falling into the perfect place; the blue icing was mixed to resemble the deep oceans that were once home, chocolate lily pads and tiny plastic fish make the rest of the cake feel complete. Finally closing the doors and flipping a sign the restaurant was closed to the public and the boys relaxed a little more with the employees going back to their dorms it was fine time for the small cake and Gifts.

____dipped the knife into the cake giggling at the words leavings Floyd's mouth and Azul's slightly disappointed. A sudden change seems to have taken upon ____ when the slice of cake reset on the plate; their eyes seem lost and empty while their movements become more robotic and ears are filled with there own beating heart and a quite whipping and song they knew long ago yet never truly heard. Jade was quick to notice the change as his brother and friend were distracted by the cake both its beauty and taste, as he moves closer to the birthday boy/girl a spoon filled with cake touches their lips and with in a second it's all too late.

As the spoon of what should have been a delightful piece of cake entered their mouth the spell that seemed to have taken them broke for just a moment, long enough look at Jade's eyes pure fear covered both faces as their body moved back falling just past his arms hitting the ground. The sound of the fall brought the attention of Azul and Floyd; Floyd's body moved quickly as a fight reaction while Azul froze up at the sight.

"KOI! Koi come on," Floyd started to trail off on his words asking of this was just one of your pranks, as he continues Jade's brain finally catches up and he falls to his knees to help move their sleeping corpse and checking it over for injuries with hast namely checking the head.

Azul stood still shocked warm tears rolling down his cheeks, how could this have happened had one of his employees poisoned the cake? No that couldn't be it both himself and Floyd ate it then how and why. What would draw someone to hurt something so sweet something of a Pearl in his Sea.

Their body lay in peaceful at the bottom of the large central aquarium in a elegant shell bed surrounded with their favorite coral, the [colour] tail hangs gently from the end of the shell.

It wasn't uncommon to find one all all three of the men people sit or lay among them. Jade was the most rare to actually see in there but believe he did visit often usually holding their hands gently and questioning if this was so cruel punishment for what him and Floyd have done. Which brings up Floyd; he would swim around them fast as usual talking about his day and the same conversations they both once had he seemed to have not accepted that their gone, he's the only one talking. Lastly the truly unfortunate soul Azul this poor octopus nearly never left their side constantly weeping and crying; he usually spent his nights wrapped around them hoping he'd wake up with them smiling down at his tear covered face.

If only they knew what his gentle kiss could do.

[fantastic-nonsense]

Do you like James's attitude? Rich, narcissistic boy, who attacks everything he doesn't like, Lily said no, and as a rich boy, he didn't stop until he got it and after that, behind her back, he kept teasing, for fun.He is the closest thing to Draco, but Draco has his abusive father, at least. I am Lorena, greetings.- PS: When the Author, I will not mention her name, was benevolent with Snape or any of its main characters?

I have soooooooo many thoughts and opinions on this ask, and I COULD theoretically make a huge long post showing how you’re wrong in basically every respect, but since I uh....just can’t summon up enough effort to care, you get angry bullet points instead of thoughtful meta:

I’ve been a Jily stan since I was in middle school. I am now 24. My perspective on their relationship has drastically changed as I have gotten older (what 10-year-old looks at a relationship the same way as a 24-year-old, after all?), but my love for it has not. This isn’t new. This isn’t novel information about me. If that makes you uncomfortable, you’re welcome to unfollow.

People are allowed to grow out of being an asshole, especially if those behaviors occurred when they were literally a teenager. God knows that if everyone remained exactly who they were in high school the world would be a much worse-off place.

Am I excusing James’ actions? Absolutely not. They were terrible, but uh....importantly, those actions were treated as terrible by the narrative. Harry is horrified by how his father acted, and rightly so. And then Sirius and Remus assure him that he grew up and grew out of it. This isn’t that hard to understand.

Also just saying I have absolutely zero problem forgiving a 15-year-old for being an arrogant jerk and a bully but growing out of it into a better person, especially given that his “vicious schooldays rivalry” is with a boy who gave just as good as he got but promptly refused to grow up and be mature about it later. Snape aimed a cutting curse at James’s neck in that flashback by the lake. “Levicorpus” is a spell Snape created. There is absolutely zero chance that James just happened to know how to use it on Snape that day at the lake without Snape using it on him at some point before that.

We get ONE GLIMPSE of 15-year-old James being an absolute dick while asking Lily out on a date, where she said no and he textually took her at her word. There is zero textual evidence to support the idea that he “didn’t stop until he got it” or that he refused to stop asking her. Fanon is not canon.

All of this fanon that surrounds the relationship between James, Lily, and Snape is just that–fanon. We have a very tiny window into their relationship before their relationship was even a thing, and people can change a lot in two years. All we know about their relationship is that they started going out in seventh year after James “deflated his head,” “stopped hexing people for fun,” and “grew up a bit.”

The difference between James and Draco, TEXTUALLY, is that James canonically:

a) risked his life and did something highly illegal simply to make a friend’s life happier and easier, 

b) aided his best friend in escaping from a toxic and abusive household, 

c) didn’t regularly use racial slurs towards persecuted populations

d) re-evaluated his life choices, acknowledged that he was being a bully, and GREW THE FUCK UP freely and of his own accord,

e) fought in a war for the sake of what was right (protecting a persecuted population) even though he could have totally sat it out or joined up with the Death Eaters because he was a pureblood, and

f) went out to face Voldemort with the absolute surety that he would die on the off-chance that his wife and child would get away and live. He had zero hope for himself but chose to selflessly die to help others escape. That tiny snapshot is more than enough to convince me that James did major growing up. 

Meanwhile...Malfoy quite literally tried to two-time both sides during the Battle of Hogwarts by convincing each side that he was “really on their side” so neither side would kill him.

You want to talk to me about how he’s “close” or “worse than” Draco Malfoy???????? Okay. Come back when you’ve actually read the books and taken a look at how Malfoy acts, loser.

Like, James had a friend facing bigotry and he became an illegal animagus to help make that friend’s life better at a high potential cost to himself, and then joined a war effort to protect people facing bigotry.

Snape had a friend facing bigotry and he called her slurs & joined up with the bigots.

Malfoy came from a family of bigots and wholeheartedly embraced that bigotry until he had a direct, in-person window into the legitimate terror that said bigotry inspired and realized he was in over his head, at which point his response was not “defect and join the other side” but “work on the Bad Guy’s side while trying not to particularly help or hurt the Light Side’s efforts.” 

End of contest. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.

[brave-braveman]

PS chp 4: The Keeper of the Keys

- We have the first time someone says to Harry that he looks like his dad but with his mum’s eyes. Up until this point Harry hasn’t been told anything about his parents and then Hagrid comes in and tells him this. Yeah, I can see why Harry trusts him immediately.

- I do wonder how they knew Harry hadn’t received any of his letters. I assume there must be a charm on the letters but it would have to be keyed into the intended recipient as Vernon admits to having read one of the letters so it isn’t enough for the letter to be opened.

- Did Lily perform magic at home? It’s possible she waited until she was of age but I doubt Petunia would have been around much to see it. The way she talks about it here suggests that it happened when they were younger as she says that Lily “cam home every holiday” and performed tricks. It is possible that some of these were joke items and didn’t require Lily to perform magic herself but I do like the idea that young Lily Evans broke the law in order to show her parents magic.

- Also, it is during Petunia’s rant that Harry learns his mother’s name and only after she has been called a freak, that is. It’s Hagrid who says James’ name for the first time. I do fin it interesting that Lily is discussed as an individual here whereas James is only discussed as part of the set that makes up Lily&James. Of course, James is developed later in the series but it’s interesting that it is Lily that is developed more first and then again at the end of the series - she bookends the stories of Harry’s parents.

- I think the joke about Hagrid’s bad spelling stems from his inability to spell Voldemorts name - a french word that he probably never saw written down because everyone called him You-Know-Who, even in print - but this lead to Hagrid being characterised as stupid, primarily in the movies (Harry’s birthday cake for example). This is particularly damaging as Hagrid is later revealed to be a half-breed and this characterisation plays into the belief that half-breeds are inferior to pure-wizards and -witches.

- Voldemort started looking for followers “about twenty years ago” according to Hagrid - so roughly 1971. But Voldemort had been planning to become more powerful since the 50′s at least and he had people following him back then. I’m guessing ‘71 is when he started to move out into the open more.

- Hagrid lists several families that Voldemort killed during the war - the McKinnons, the Bones, the Prewetts - all names that we will see mentioned again.

Other Observations: -Harry’s birthday cake was chocolate with green icing which spelled out ‘Happy Birthday Harry’ -Hogwarts letters are written in emerald green ink -Hagrid calls Dumbledore, Mr Dumbledore in his letter -Hagrid’s cursing - Gallopin’ Gorgons and Gulpin’ gargoyles -Hagrid keeps dormice, an owl, a kettle, teapot, several teacups, a poker and alcohol in his coat -Hagrid was expelled in his third year

Favourite Quote: Some say he died. Codswallop, in my opinion. Dunno if he had enough human left in him to die.

[creatingnikki]

Dearest Atlas,

That is a really fun choice for a pseudonym. Perhaps, your actual name? Unlikely but for the sake of this letter and me you’re Atlas irrespective. So, hello! You’re almost a decade younger to me and I must admit, I’m a little nervous to write you this love letter. I’ve never had an issue writing or interacting with people older to me by 3-4 decades even. But talking to someone younger always takes me back to when I was their age and how much I hated older people acting as though they knew better.

Of course, now after growing up I have realized that it’s just natural for you to know more and learn more as you live more (exceptions exist always and there’s not an equal increase in age and knowledge/wisdom, as we all know). I mean, compared to a 5 year old, you know so much more. But I think the one place where most adults go wrong is that instead of looking after those younger to them, they either patronize them or exploit them. Shouldn’t we, by default look after those younger to us? Protect them, so that they don’t lose their innocence and heart due to this shit world as early as we did? This sentiment is why I love a classic that most people don’t – The Catcher in the Rye by J.D Salinger. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it. I will warn you that the narrator is annoying but his heart is in the right place and that’s the most important thing.

I guess since I’ve already started writing this letter my nervousness is out the window. Do forgive me if at any place I come across as preachy or pretentious. Know that isn’t one bit intentional.

You know how I know I’m no longer a teenager? Because I just spent 10 minutes looking up what LB(BT) means. I still don’t know but as per Google this is what it could mean:

Let’s be bored together (doesn’t fit the context as you said ‘I’m LB(BT)’)

Something related to LGBTQ+ (Is it?)

Lembaga Bela Banua Talino (Which is an Institute for Community Legal Resources Empowerment – umm probably not?)

When older people would be so clueless with slangs like LOL and TTYL and BRB 10 years ago I would think, ‘Are they serious? What’s not to get in that?’ But this is a WTF moment for me because I have crossed over to the other side, clearly. Anyway, now I’m quite curious so do let me know, please! Haha

Though, I do have a really embarrassing and silly story related to internet slang and ‘brb’. So this was back in 8th grade – 2010 – when I had just joined Facebook and had started to talk to this senior in school who I soon developed a crush on. Now, you need to know 2 things for context:

Back then everyone in school would type in “chat language” which was very “cool”. For instance, ‘What is up with you?’ would be typed as ‘wht is up wth u?’

This guy would use terms of endearment for me like sweetheart, darling, etc. *pukes*

So, for a whole week when we would chat, and he would use ‘brb’ during our conversation I had no idea what it was but I just assumed it was another term of endearment. Oh my god. Shall I even say it? Okay…so I thought it was….barbie. YES WHY WOULD HE CALL ME THAT. It’s bloody weird but my 14 year old brain worked in weird ways, and yes you’re a whole lot smarter than I was at 14, and I just assumed that. Why I continued talking to a guy who I thought called me ‘barbie’, I do not know. From entering the world of social media at 14 and not knowing slangs like the back of my hand to reaching here – writing a letter to a 14 year old and not knowing another slang’s full form – a I believe I have reached a full circle. Thank you? I think it’s very humbling but also grounding to realise how old you are or just how much time has passed by. Adulting is quite disorienting and moments like these are needed.

And thankfully, I know what you mean when you say you’re Wiccan. And I think that’s pretty cool! Around when I was 16 I read a Jodi Piccoult book about teen Wiccans and I was so fascinated that post that I did 3 things:

Convinced my friend to become Wiccan with me

Installed an app for spells

Convinced my mom to let me get a tattoo with a sentence from the Wiccan Rede

My friend ditched me, the spells on that app needed things that weren’t accessible to me and I was too much of a chicken to actually get inked (still don’t have a single tattoo!) and none of those things ever really materialised.  In yet another way you’re so much smarter than I was back then. I keep saying this not to be weird but to admire you and just express how in awe I am by certain things you mentioned.

Shall I just paste the Wiccan Rede here for everyone to see how beautiful and solid it is? Or perhaps the end of it that hit me the most?

“With a fool no season spend or be counted as his friend.

Merry Meet and Merry Part bright the cheeks and warm the heart.

Mind the Three-fold Laws you should three times bad and three times good.

When misfortune is enow wear the star upon your brow.

Be true in love this you must do unless your love is false to you.

These Eight words the Rede fulfill:

“An Ye Harm None, Do What Ye Will”

And the sentence I wanted to get a tattoo of? Any guesses?

Well – An Ye Harm None, Do What Ye Will.

While I didn’t get it, I do want to talk about it.

People will always tell you what to do and what to be and what to think and how to behave and what to not wear and what to see and what to not talk about. These people will be your friends, parents, teachers, siblings, relatives, strangers, lovers, the government, employers, enemies and bullies. A lot of them will be well-intentioned and that’s where it will get tricky. But you should always do what feels right to you. No matter who says what. Stand up for what you believe in no matter who or how many people are against it. That’s from the book To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee and another book that I highly recommend.

As you grow older, the lines between good and bad, black and white, brave and weak will quickly and confusingly blur. You’ll have to make a million choices, a lot of which won’t matter in a few years while some will stay with you for the rest of your life. And sometimes it will feel like you’re in a maze and thick fog (all the confusion between what’s right and what’s wrong) is surrounding you and there is this loud, piercing noise (other people’s voices) that won’t stop until you find your way out that maze. What’s waiting for you outside? Some people think it’s success, money, love, or even death. It really depends on how you see things and what’s the most important to you.

To me? I think what’s waiting out there for me is peace and truth. Lately, I’ve been able to find my way out but it’s only seconds until I’m dragged back inside. So, how to figure a permanent way out this maze is my journey next. I don’t know anything. No one knows anything. But yet people insist on pretending to know. And sometimes that’s important too (like at work). But I hope when you’re on your journey of figuring things out for yourself, you do what feels right to you and only remember – An ye harm none do what ye will.

A picnic with your friend family where everything was so happy sounds like such a precious and beautiful memory. I’m glad you got to experience that and I can only hope that while you navigate your way through the maze, you find such absolutely lovely and blissful moments in plenty. And as for your ex who sent you anon hate – so glad that such an ass is out of your life. As someone who has received a lot of nasty anon hate on tumblr, I know it hurts the most when you suspect (more like just know it) that it’s someone who used to be close to you. I guess that’s the other stuff hiding in the maze – bitterness and pain. But I think as long as you have a few people who have the best interests for you at heart who hold your hand and figure the way out together, you’re going to be okay.

So, Atlas, I do think this turned out to be a tad bit didactic but know that’s only because the part inside of me that’s still 14 is cheering on for you and sending you much love.

xoxo

Nikki

PS I know I’ve given you 2 book recs already but here’s a third one cos I think you’d quite like it – Undead Girl Gang by Lily Anderson. It’s a book about two high school best friends who are Wiccans and one of them kills herself and the other uses a spell to bring her back to live temporarily to figure out what really happened.

Guys, February is 29 days of love letters. I’m writing love letters, as part of The Love Project, and if you’d like me to write one to you, drop me an email at creating.nikki@gmail.com

There are 10 more spots left, and you can still be a part of it if you’d like :D

I wrote this letter for Atlas based on some questions they answered. You can read their answers here.

[writingontheclouds]

How You Get The Girl

Read it on AO3.

Chapter 2. How To Know If A Bloke Fancies You (Spoiler: Ask His Best Mate, He'll Snitch)

Lily,

I know.

Sirius

...

Sirius,

Stop being cryptic and tell me what you know.

Lily

...

Lilyflower,

Something that seemed to have happened on the last night of the term? *wink wink*

Sirius

...

Sirius,

He told you, didn't he?

Lily

...

Lils,

Uh huh he did. That is not the only thing I know.

Are you telling him or should I?

Ecstatic now the unthinkable has happened, Sirius

...

Sirius,

BLACK IF YOU TELL HIM, I SWEAR TO MERLIN AND DUMBLEDORE I WILL END YOU!

So now that you have figured it out, help out a poor soul, will you? Does he still, you know, fancy me?

Waiting impatiently, Lily

...

Lils,

Relax, Red. I'm not telling him.

I will help you, darling. After all, I am the godfather to your first child who you will so kindly name after me.

Sirius

...

Sirius,

Black, you delusional little git. I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF HE STILL FANCIES ME HOW ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT NAMES OF CHILDREN??

About to commit a homicide, Lily

PS. No child of mine will be named after you.

...

Lily,

Ofcourse, he does. He's fancied you for years.

Homicide is quite frowned upon in the society, darling, Sirius

PS You wound me. I'll be talking to James about it.

...

Sirius,

…he does?

Lily

...

Red,

A hundred percent sure he does.

Awaiting red haired babies with Quidditch abilities, Sirius

...

SIRIUS

THANKYOU. You put me out of my misery.

Ignoring the babies jab and prancing around, Lily

PS I should probably stop prancing lest I break my leg.

...

Red,

Keep dancing, but there might be just a teensy bit of a problem.

Sirius

PS I'll send James for your rescue if you do break something.

...

Black,

I’m sending hexes you’ve never heard of in the next letter if you don’t spit it out.

Lily

...

Lily,

He might have not EXACTLY said he still fancied you.

A toad would be highly preferable, I'll have you know, just in case. I hate cockroaches. Sirius

...

Sirius,

.

Lily

...

Lily,

I swear to Merlin’s pinkie I’ve never been frightened more by you.

Alright. He said he's moved on and didn't fancy you anymore.

Also, he might have said he's asking out Emily Cooper from Hufflepuff the week we get back. Might. I'll neither confirm nor deny that for the fear of red heads popping out from underneath my bed and hexing me while I sleep.

Sirius

...

Sirius,

HE'S ASKING OUT EMILY THE TART?!

Insulted, Lily

...

Lily,

Now, now Lilyflower, let's not disrespect others. They've already been on 3 dates this past summer and I'll have you know she's a completely fine bird. Blonde and blue eyed without any anger management issues.

Sirius

...

Sirius,

3 DATES? WHERE DID THAT INFORMATION GO WHEN I ASKED YOU WHETHER HE FANCIED ME OR NOT SIRIUS SODDING BLACK?!

Lily

...

Lils,

Told Isis to peck me, didn't you? She did, and since her temper quite matches yours, I'll have permanent scars from this ordeal.

Just tell him, would you?

Highly annoyed, Sirius

...

Sirius,

No, thank you, I'd rather not get rejected.

Lily

...

Lils,

Trust me, he does. He's just protecting himself from your rejection, it's not the other way round.

In any case, you have a week before September starts. Tick tock, Red, time is ticking. Tell him or you'll lose your only chance. Who knows? Maybe it'll be blond babies I'll be godfathering.

Sirius

...

Lily Evans sat on her desk, the book in her hand long forgotten, with her gaze locked onto the clouds rolling above the little town of Cokesworth. She loved sitting at her study, which had a perfect view of the countryside behind their little house, reading another classic or stargazing.

But today, she sat by the same window, her mind in a whirl, half of her heart hoping to see a grey feathered owl heading towards her house and the other half wanting to fling herself off the darn window and end it all.

Usually, when she was home for breaks, her window always had traffic from a certain female owl delivering colorful little letters and small, friendly chocolate treats from a bespectacled black haired boy she had come to adore. But this summer was a long, hard, dry spell, and Lily often found herself looking out the window with a sorrowed expression, waiting for something that apparently wasn't coming anytime soon.

The summer when she actually wanted to hear from him was when he decided he preferred the silence between them. And Lily was sure this silence would end in her booking herself a ward in psychiatric care at St Mungo's.

She was pulled back into reality when she heard a familiar pecking on her window. Looking up, a barn owl flew right outside her window, with a letter attached to its talons, looking expectedly at her with big brown eyes. She promptly opened the window, her heart sinking just a little and Odin, Marlene's majestic owl, flew in swiftly and landed in front of her.

"Hello there, Odin." Lily spoke, as the owl nibbled Lily's hand gently. She untied the letter attached quickly, stroking Odin's feathers as he cooed.

Lily Evans,

This is an intervention. If I receive another letter about you moping around, I'm going to set your flaming red hair on fire and I'm not kidding.

Meet me at the Leaky Cauldron tomorrow at 12pm sharp. Don't be late. There's something you need to know.

Marlene

"Marlene is such a bossy little thing, isn't she?" She asked Odin who hooted in response.

Lily sighed. She had no desire to go out, much less change out of her 3 day old pajamas. But she needed to complete her school shopping. And she was shocked at how low she let herself get. Sod him.

Hastily scribbling down an affirmative reply, she sent Odin on his way before going down to the kitchen to fix herself a bowl of ice cream.

...

The streets of Diagon Alley were bustling with last minute shoppers on this last weekend of August. September 1st was a mere few days away, and the excitement of a new year lingered in the air. As Lily wove through the crowd behind Marlene, ducking here and there from things flying overhead, she realised how much she loved to see Diagon Alley in its full dramatic flair. After 7 years, this magical world still hit her by surprise sometimes.

The pair made their way through the crowd to reach the entrance of The Leaky Couldron, a popular wizarding pub and inn.

"Ooh c'mon, or we'll be late.” Marlene exasperated, urging Lily to catch on with her quick. She was busy inhaling the sights of the street.

"Late for what?" Lily asked, confused, as she increased her pace.

Marlene didn't answer as she pushed the heavy door of The Leaky Cauldron open. The aged pub attracted both young and old alike after an exhausting day of shopping.

Scanning the crowd, she smiled at two guys sitting in one of the booths, nursing butterbeers with smirks plastered all over their faces as they spotted the girls.

Lily's heart stopped as she registered the familiar faces of the Marauders. No, no, no, no, no, no, her heart thumped in rhythm with her thoughts.

She pulled Marlene back by her clothes violently; she stumbled backwards into Lily but she paid no heave.

"You called the Marauders?!"

"Yes." Marlene answered, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Mar!" Lily exclaimed loudly. Her cheeks were boiling hot by this point, and the heat in the pub wasn't making things easier.

"Oh my god, you've got it bad." Marlene snickered, then stopped when she saw her best friend's vicious glare. "Don't worry, he's not here."

"He's not?" Lily's face visibly fell as Marlene shook her head.

"C'mon!" She tugged Lily along as they reached the booth.

"Hello boys!"

"McKinnon!" Both boys sang together.

"Red." Sirius said mockingly with a giant smirk.

“Hi Remus,” Lily said, completely disregarding the presence of Sirius Black.

Lily and Marlene sat in the booth opposite the boys as Peter came trodding, carefully trying to balance three butterbeers in his hands.

“For you, girls.” He said, as he put down the mugs.

“So, Marlene, ready for your last year on the pitch?” Sirius started the conversation.

“Oh, absolutely. I trained all summer. Need to leave Hogwarts with a bang,” Marlene replied, the excitement of a new quidditch season evident in her gleaming eyes.

The conversation drifted into the nitty-gritties of Quidditch, which Lily did not particularly understand. They discussed, nay argued, about Chudley Cannon’s new beater formation strategy, how the tragic fall of Harpies is going to affect the coming years of Quidditch World Cup and the incoming seeker of Puddlemere.

When the conversation finally died down after a good hour, Lily plucked the courage to finally ask, "Where's James?”

"A little too excited to see James, are we, Lils?" Remus smirked, giddy like a little kid.

"I thought I could expect some maturity from you, Remus."

"I'm still a Marauder, Lil.” Remus shrugged, lifting his mug to her.

"James is otherwise occupied." Sirius answered, as he gulped down the last of his butterbeer.

"What?!" Lily's head perked up at that, shock colouring her face. She looked like she was about to break down.

Remus, Sirius, Peter and Marlene promptly burst into laughter. Everyone in the pub paused to look at them howling with laughter for a moment, then turned around to their conversations.

“You were right, McKinnon, this was totally worth it,” Peter spat out between his laughs. Marlene gave him a high-five.

"My apologies, Evans," Sirius tried controlling himself under the murderous gaze of Lily, "By occupied I meant sneezing and coughing his bloody brains out."

"He's poorly?"

"Just a nasty flu. Courtesy of a thrilling game of Quidditch in the rain."

Lily nodded and shook her head, now embarrassed to have been caught red-handed, though her mind couldn’t help but wonder Quidditch in the rain, such a James thing to do. She really has got it bad.

"So, Lily, how do you plan to tell him?"

"Tell who what?"

"James."

"I'm not telling James anything."

“And why in Merlin’s pants not?”

“I don’t know."

“You have to tell him.”

“I don’t HAVE to tell him.”

“But why wouldn’t you?”

“Because-“ Lily tried, but her heart hurt thinking of James with Emily. Happy. She sighed, and shook her head, playing with her nails instead. Sirius, Remus, Peter and Marlene exchanged glances.

"Alright, I knew she wouldn't be convinced. You're as stubborn as James." Marlene said, shaking her head. "And that’s precisely why I brought you here." She turned to Sirius. "That's your queue."

Sirius nodded, and produced a piece of parchment from his robes and passed it to Lily. It was crumpled and then smoothened out. Surprised, she took it.

"What's this?"

"Just read it."

Lily opened the folded piece of parchment. There were just a few lines in a very familiar scrawl.

Lily,

I don't know how to start this letter, but it's high time we talked, shouldn't we? I know you must be mad at me, you should be really, because of what I did. And you know what? I'm not sorry I kissed you.

I've fancied you for a long time now, and truthfully speaking, I don't know remember a time when I didn't.

Just wanted to get that out of the way.

James

Or Potter, whatever you prefer.

"I don't understand, was I meant to read this or..?"

Sirius thought about it for a moment. "Yes, and no."

Lily raised an eyebrow in question.

"A few days ago, I found him in his room writing a letter to you. Well, trying is the key word here. The room was filled with half finished letters, some were just a pain to read, you know how cheesy James can get. Well, this one particularly piqued my interest, and I kept it. He burned the rest of them because I threatened I’ll send them all to you."

"What if he wrote I don't fancy you anymore Lily, it's best we just stay friends on the last letter he wrote?"

"But he still wrote this." Lily furrowed her brows and Sirius sighed. "He wouldn't have written this if he didn't fancy you. Doesn't matter what he wrote on the other, he wouldn't have been spending so much thought into what to write if he wasn't scared of hurting your feelings, or his own."

"I've never seen this insightful side of you, Sirius. I must say, it's rather frightening.” Remus remarked. Sirius grinned at Remus.

"He just doesn't want to be hurt again, Lil.”

Lily nodded, staring very hard at the parchment in her hand. She swallowed. There was silence for a moment as the group stared at Lily as she read the words on the parchment over and over again.

"So? What’s the verdict? Can we expect some Potter babies soon?" Remus asked.

Lily glared at him. "It's like there are two Sirius' now." She shook her head in disbelief but laughed in the end.

"So?"

"Lils?” Marlene urged.

Lily looked at each one of them. They looked so hopeful that she didn’t want to break their hearts by saying no. But more importantly, she didn’t want to break her own heart by not trying.

"James Potter wouldn't know what hit him." Lily stated and gave a small smile.

Marlene cheered and hugged her best friend. The Marauders’ grinned and cheered on. Remus pointed his wand to the ceiling and produced confetti while Sirius whistled. The bartender brought around another round of butterbeers.

“Here's for the future Potters.” Sirius took his mug and raised it in the air. Everyone else followed.

"To Lily and James!” Marlene and Remus piqued together, and they clinked their mugs together and drank.

"5 Galleons says James will shit his pants when he hears.” Peter added, and they all dissolved in laughter again.

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 5- “Good thing I bought a box of wine the other day.. I'm gonna need it.”-Jess

After Gryffindors tribal Raffy was voted out. This is either just bad news for Raffy specifically or for the Gryffindor tribe. I don't know how much what he's said and done as his tribe speaks to him, but I'm going to be stepping up my social game now to try and avoid a similar fate. https://am24.mediaite.com/tms/cnt/uploads/2015/07/Harry-Potter-Disgusted-Gif.gif 

 We are playing Mastermind this round and... I dunno what a good score is on this game ever. I always think I did well at it and then people blow me out of the water. I hope I did well enough that we avoid another tribal, but I have my own personal doubts. I explored the castle today. I went behind some barrels. I guess since I'm technically sorted into Gryffindor that I didn't know what the barrels are - I went behind them and found the Hufflepuff common room where I talked to Professor Sprout's flowers... They told me that Hagrid has a new dog. Either Hagrid is in the Forbidden Forest or these flowers are liars. I've been to Hagrid's Hut and interacted with each thing he owns. I saw no dog. https://dontyoushushme.files.wordpress.com/2015/11/tumblr_lp98471uss1qa8ir9o1_r1_500.gif

Mastermind is one of my very favorite comps so if someone causes us to go to tribal during this challenge I'm going to be VERY upset!! 

37 minutes later

If these people really think I'm going to rocks they have lost their minds. 

So I flopped the challenge and will probably have my name thrown out as an option so... PARTY! However, I decided to play the "omg I fucked up feel bad for me" card so maybe that'll either make people feel bad for me...or they'll make me a target. I kind of want people to feel bad for me? but also like I think people know I'm going through a rough time right now so if they vote me out they are going to hell xoxoxox But I'm gonna try and put in the werk to make sure I DON'T GET VOTES.. How may you ask? I think the key is Owen? I know Owen is a VERY social player and on a tribe like this I think having great social skills really can propel you into the top ranks. So I've decided to give Owen some "spell guesses" to help build some sort of trust moving forward.... will this help? probably not.... BUT right now.........the only kind of currency I have in this game is information (which I have none of because.. well new tribe...) and my guesses. Hopefully he feeds into my bullshit and sees that I do actually want to work with him (for now). So the goal is simple, I want people to think I'm NOT DISPOSABLE. People in games are selfish, they want to know what you CAN DO FOR THEM and I plan on doing just that. I also fucked around and shared guesses with Juls. She gave me a clue and I for the LOVE OF ME CAN NOT FIND THIS CRITTER. I thought it was that stupid Harry Potter spider but he told me to fuck off.. idk I'M SO STRESSED. Good thing I bought a box of wine the other day.. I'm gonna need it.

3 minutes later

PS: Landen is either playing too hard too fast or... he has my back? IDK. He's basically naming me as 1 of 4 people he doesn't want to go.. and we... we've spoken like twice. No game talk, nothing. We talked about MILK. How the fuck does he want me safe and not to go? IDK it seems fishy but I'll take it. Maybe he's just promising everyone safety right now and that's his game? I literally don't care. I will take whatever I get at this point. I want Max out. I've decided he really annoys me and I can't work with someone who thinks "penis" is a funny joke. I have nothing in common with him and... from the sounds of it something was "off" with him on his old tribe so... maybe just maybe..  that's something I can WORK WITH. Fucking weebz.

Oh my god, thank god we won! I do not want to have to deal with another tribal. For a unanimous vote, our tribal sure was messy. I think my position so far in this game is super solid, I'm in a great position with Nick and Kevin because we talk a lot and I have formed really strong relationships with both of them. My postion with Dan is honestly fantastic, I know he trusts me because he told me about his advantage in the game (a vote steal). Jules and I are good, we honestly just like each other and she was the first person to tell me that Miguel was throwing my name around. She also knows about Dan's advantage. I'm a little worried about her though because each tribal we have gone to she has gotten a vote, plus she started drama with Raffy before she left. I still think she is super sweet, but I'm worried that her confrontational personality is going to get her voted out and I'm not sure that there is much I can do about it. 

I'm going to mess around and get voted out, I have such a big mouth, y'all.  SO FAR TODAY, I have told Chips I didn't hear his name... then fifteen minutes later I DID hear his name.  Next I told Jess I heard Chips's name thinking she came up with it and she said it was news to her LSJFLDSJF.  Then I told Juls that I didn't hear anything... to which her and Jess are probably comparing notes.  I showed Lily all the places I've looked for the idol and last but not least I TOLD OWEN ABOUT THE OG HUFFLEPUFF ALLIANCE.  I AM GOING TO GET VOTED OUT, WHY DO I HAVE SUCH A BIG MOUTH????? SOMEONE HELP ME. 

hufflepuffle LOST immunity! that is so not the marshmallow move i was trying to make :/ over the course of the game, i've really bonded with lily, so i think that is going to be my close alliance here, obviously aside from juls, who i knew pre-game and we are just good friends. i do think juls would backstab me if she had to, so i'll keep my eye out for her, even tho id most likely die for her. *bleeds out* well when we got to this lil ol tribe, max made the bold move to instantly create a hufflepuffle group chat and declare how we are #HUFFSTRONG. i made the stupid decision to not trust my gut instinct on ruthie's distant responses, and now i am paying the price for that, because as far as i've heard ruthie is telling people hufflepuff is tight and is trying to blindside max, leaving me in the dark. i'm honestly less upset at the target on max, and more upset that she is trying to leave me (and pooossibly lily? cant be sure.) in the dark. I'm a little bit annoyed with it. like, we openly discussed voting about max on the original hufflepuff. i get that circumstances change, but there's no reason to leave me blind. i understand it from owen, jess, chips, but... why from ruthie lol? we've talked about it before and it's just like. bleh. that's my bad, for not talking to ruthie more on a personal level before and after the swap. i can be slow to make official alliances and cement my bonds in survivor, it's a strategy that's risky in the short term but pays off dividends in the long term when people really like AND trust you. that emotion is somethin necessary! it works its own kind of ~Magic~ so to speak. but right now it's definitely showing its weaknesses with ruthie trying to play me and my quietness with chips/owen/jess biting me in the butt a bit because they don't trust me. T_T i will have to work to prove i am a trustworthy ally for them, but in the meantime, as long as i can survive this vote (lol that means i am going home) then i'm fine and it's whatever. i want to try to think of a better wham line to close out this confessional, but i can't, so it's just going to kind of wither off and die here, as this sentence stumbles along on its meager way to find SOME version of sufficient punctuation to the topic, punctuated by actual punctuation.

this vote is gonna be.. como se dice.. interesting. working with max and landen while now being added to an alliance with owen, jess and chips um. smiles. it’s gonna be smth! but it seems like max is the target for this round which sucks but, i’d rather go with majority and help push that than make myself a target for wanting go against the odds.. idk if that made sense LMAO. but i’m just stressed! i love max so much but.. i wanna keep the people who weren’t on the og hufflepuff tribe close as opposed to letting them go so easily. 

THE WAY I HAD ONE OF THE LOWEST SCORES IN MASTERMIND https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_Maspo1z34

Well here we are forced to actually play the game. And well.......this vote is crazy. I should have honestly anticipated this craziness but the craziness has been thrust upon us. Sincerely really enjoy everyone on this tribe. This meant that whatever decision I made on who to vote out would be strictly strategic. I know I can't vote out anyone from original hufflepuff because that inherently puts all of the original hufflepuff in danger of being easy targets in any future votes. I can't even in my brain consider voting out one of them at this vote because of this. I feel great about my social game rn. Several people are interested in working with me to my face and apparently in passing to others. This means that I'm unlikely to be a target for a vote but this could honestly all change after this. I feel the most trust and loyalty to Ruthie and Landen and I also feel like Max really has my back even though we haven't explicitly said this to each other. I also feel good about Jess. She told me today that she doesn't care too much as long as it isn't me or her and that semed honest to me? This leaves Juls, Owen, and Chips. Juls seems wishy-washy but I can tell she wants to vote Max but is nervous to say that to me. She is a newer player so this makes sense. I can tell that Landen doesn't want to vote Juls but no one really does so she doesn't make sense as the target. Chips has always been a good ally to me in the past but the past few games we have played together we have trouble being honest on what we want to happen.I want to work with Chips and don't want to see him go on this vote. I don't think he is as big of a threat at this stage of the game as Owen. Owen is one of the smartest people I've played with he has one of the best social games I've seen. He has a way of getting people on his side. I know he is thinking about a lot and knows that Max going right now is what is best for him. I want to trust owen and work with owen but my gut says that isn't what is going to work this time. Ruthie told us (Landen and I) about how they made a final 2 before the game even started (before we were told not to talk in the Great Hall chat in PMs) and now she is clearly backing out of that. Right now OG huffs are planning to vote Owen out. I think this is the best strategic play for us but will anyone else see it? Or will people be hyper focused on voting an OG huff that they would prefer to go to a rock draw than vote Owen. I'm not sure and I don't think I'm mentally prepared for what is about to go down. I'm hoping Jess, Chips, or Juls would be willing. But I'm also nervous not telling any of them about the vote could be the actual mistake we are making. Should I put my trust in Jess or Chips and see if they would vote Owen? I DON'T KNOW. Do I sound like I know what I'm doing??? NO. Am I attemping to make money moves??? YES. Is it the right decision????? PROBABLY NOT. But....we shall see. We shall see. 

Kind of happy we lost because this will be an interesting one for sure... As I said before, we have 4 hufflepuff and 4 non-hufflepuff on our tribe, and I wanted to jump on that IMMEDIATELY, so the second I heard Hufflepuff had a group chat (thanks ruthie hehe) I made one with Chips, Juls, and Jess. Jess and Juls are my gorls in this game, and I'm glad I finally get to make stuff happen with them. I want Ruthie to trust me (she messaged me for a final 2 literally night one before we found out we couldnt pm each other in the great hall), and I do really love her - but since we're on different "sides" of the tribe, I wanted to play smart. I originally threw out both Chips AND Max names, to make it seem like old tribal lines mean nothing to me, but then today I've been telling Ruthie and Landen I'm leaning way more towards Max beacuse he hasnt talked to me and Chips has, which is true. Ruthie seems to agree that Max should go - she told me he did some qweird stuff like pranks and things on their old tribe, and Landen said that Max would've been first boot. So it seems easy enough?? But then.... here comes Lily, with her own brain and stuff. Why can't people stop having opinions and just do what  I say??? I can tell Lily wants to keep Max, which makes sense. She probably wants to keep the Hufflepuff security in numbers. But I'm not writing Chips down, period, and they all know it. No matter what happens, as long as it is Max or Chips I'm fine. I'm just using this vote to have as many conversations with Lily, Ruthie, Landen, Jess, and Juls about game as possible to further myself, and I don't much care who leaves as long as it isn't me Jess or Juls. But I do think for the hell of it I'd go to rocks if I had to - bc if they're going to ROCKS for Max?? I sure as hell don't want to be outnumbered. Hopefully ruthie is being honest in wanting max gone and can change lily's mind.

https://youtu.be/TBrNjh2DnU4

SO my big mouth strikes again.   Landen came to me earlier and OWEN SPILLED ABOUT ME SPILLING ABOUT THE HUFFLEPUFF ALLIANCE.  I WAS SO MAD.  Mad enough to agree to voting him out and now I just feel guilty.  Jess, Juls, Owen and Chips don't know that there is going to be a tie tonight after all.  We feel like if we vote Owen that we can get Chips to vote with us in the revote and I hope that is the case because I REALLY don't want to go to rocks. Part of me thinks I should call Owen out on him spilling the alliance secret to him and try to fix things but I'm still very salty about it. I'm so sad and I feel so guilty but...  HE COMPLETELY MESSED MY GAME UP AND I TRUSTED HIM! 

So it has been a day. That's for sure. Got in my first alliance of people who didnt start Hufflepuff. Found out from two out of three Hufflepuffs my name was thrown out. May be leaving or at the very least the subject of a tie vote. If the target Max has an idol I leave guaranteed. I hope not. 

I am a horrible person. My heart is pounding so hard, this move is either going to make or break my game. :(

I would like to publicly thank Hufflepuff for extending my life in the game by another round- much obliged. Not sure how much of a difference it’ll make in the end lmao but nonetheless I’m still technically alive. Either this is the quietest game I’ve ever been apart of or everyone is definitely working together and I’m on the bottom. I know Kevin isn’t in on it but that Raffy vote was suspicious and you can’t tell me otherwise. Because how am I talking to everyone all day long but I don’t find out the vote is Raffy until 2 hours before the vote and that’s “what everyone is doing”? Not to mention it came from Jules, not Dan or Nicholas aka the people I thought I had a halfway decent relationship with. So the only way you can explain how I’m the last to know even though they were several opportunities for like 5 different people to tell me is that those 5 are working together. So basically I’m praying Hufflepuff can take one more L after tonight because if not, there’s a high chance I’m gonna have to beg for my life. And I’m not above it! But I also can do the math and I don’t know if Slytherin is smart enough to realize they’re handing the game over to Ravenclaw. Who knows though- maybe Jess or Juls will go home on the other side and that will strengthen my plea of attack Ravenclaw while we still can. Cause there’s 9 Huffleclaw left and 6 of Slytherdor so I’m like... we can’t all be the cute swing vote at merge that gets picked up to be a number but hey what do I know 

[otakugirlkrod]

Three Years Have Passed

A/N: Hey guys, sorry I took a while doing this chapter but I think is the longest one I have written. Also, I wanted to thank you all for your support. It helps me keep motivated. As I said before every like, reblog or comment is very appreciated. PS. I’m doing my best to get better in details. 

Anime: Fairy Tail

Couple: Gajevy Rated: T Status: On going Summary : Tired of being “the damsel in distress”, Levy left the guild without telling anyone except Master Makarov. She spent three years far away from Magnolia learning new spells to improve her skills. But finally, is time to return home. What’s that strange magic she learned?

Chapter One:https://otakugirlkrod.tumblr.com/post/158442724445/three-years-have-passed

Chapter Two: https://otakugirlkrod.tumblr.com/post/159584893235/three-years-have-passed

Chapter Three: https://otakugirlkrod.tumblr.com/post/159780767225/three-years-have-passed

Chapter Four: https://otakugirlkrod.tumblr.com/post/160171984995/three-years-have-passed

Chapter Five: https://otakugirlkrod.tumblr.com/post/162149897065/three-years-have-passed

Chapter Six: https://otakugirlkrod.tumblr.com/post/164121189595/three-years-have-passed

Chapter Seven: The encounter

The next day, the solid script mage decided to moved back to Fairy Hills even though Lily tried to convinced her to stay.

Levy stopped in front of the Fairy Hills door and sighed. Please don’t be scare girls… she thought worriedly. She stretched her hand and hold the doorknob.

“Levy is here!” She heard Wendy’s excited voice on the other side of the door. Huh? Wendy…is happy?

In that moment, the door was opened abruptly by no other than Erza. The sudden movement made Levy lose her balance but the red-headed woman held her.

“E-Erza…” Levy stuttered nervously.

Erza smiled and little tear showed up on her left eye. “We have been waiting for you.” With that said Titania hugged her childhood friend.

Levy hugged her back. “B-but…I -”

“Silence.” Erza interrupted her. “Don’t be afraid. If you need magic, take mine as well.”

“Thank you.”

“Levy, is Gajeel feeling better?” Wendy asked worriedly. She knew about the accident and Pantherlily summoned her to heal him.

Levy separated from the hug and turn to Wendy’s direction. “Of course, he is. You are an amazing mage.” Levy placed her right palm on the dragonslayer’s head. “Thank you for taking care of him.”

Days have passed since she moved back to Fairy Hills but now the blue haired woman was determined to finished a job. She walked through the city and reached Gajeel’s house.

“Knock! Knock!”

Gajeel recognized her scent and opened the door. “Ya missed me?” He teased.

“I need the book.” Levy ignored his comment and entered.

Lily and Gajeel looked confused at each other confused and followed her.

“Don’t ya remember the black-haired chick run away with it?” The dragonslayer said in frustration. Probably not because you fainted. Gajeel thought.

Levy was dead serious. “I need to get it back.” She sat in couch.

Levy is so insistent. “May I ask, why? The exceed spoke up.

“First, to finish the job. And second,” She sighed. “is because that book was written by one of my ancestors.” She got up and looked at the window.

“What?” Lily said.

“How do ya know that?” Gajeel was now curious.

Levy looked at them. “I went to see Yasu.”

“Fancy pants?” Gajeel said a little irritated about the confession.  Why would she do that?

The exceed noticed the change of aura in his partner and asked Levy. “When was that?”

“Remember the day Master came?”

The exceed placed a paw in his jaw. “Yeah, I remember now. You were missing for a few hours.”

Gajeel was now confused. He didn’t remember Levy not being at his side that day.  “When the hell that happened? Where was I?”

“Right here, Gajeel. You felt dizzy because of the blood lost and we summoned Porlyushka and Wendy to help you with the wound. You felt asleep as soon as she started using her magic.”

“That old hag drugged me.”

“When I went to Onibus town, Yasu told me some more details that finished the puzzle.”

“What did he told you?” The exceed asked Levy.

Flashback

After the conversation with Master Makarov, Levy rushed to the train station and bought the first tickets to Onibus Town. She needed some answers.

“Levy-chan?” Yasu wasn’t expecting her.

Levy laughed nervously. “Hey Yasu.”

“Please come in.” He took her hand and lead her in.

“Thanks.” Levy blushed.

“How are you feeling my lady?” Yasu ruffled her hair.

“Better.” Levy looked away shyly. “I wanted to apologize, it was my fault we couldn’t complete the job.”

Yasu smiled and place his finger under her chin and make her look at him. “It wasn’t your fault. They are a tough dark guild, I’ve been trying to defeat them. “

“Why would you do that?” She asked him.

Yasu’s face turned serious. He let go of Levy and sat in front of her again. “They are after us.” He confessed.

Levy was confused. “Us? What do you mean by that? Why would they do that?”

End of Flashback

“According to what Yasu told me that day and my research, our families were bonded by a marriage. Both of our families mastered Solid Script Magic. My ancestor and his wife wrote the book with some spells that only the Toshiro family knew.” Levy explained.

“Does that mean Sir Yasu is related to you?” Pantherlily asked her.

“In some way. That’s why I didn’t absorb his magic when we touched.”

“That makes sense.” The exceed stated. Then looked at Gajeel sideway and continued. “Also, I wanted to ask. Would you continue that bond, Levy?”

Levy’s face turned red.

”Ah Shadap Lil’” Gajeel said with a tone of jealousy.

Levy changed the humor. “Yasu knows where their headquarters are.”

“At least he’s useful.” Gajeel said irritated.

Levy got up and turned around. Her back now facing Gajeel and Lily. “We are going to their guild. I need to accomplished mom’s wish. I won’t let them use our magic, our culture to do such horrible things. My whole family die because of them.”

Gajeel smirked. “Count on me, Shorty.”

“I didn’t expect this to happened.”Gajeel said irritated and jerked a thumb back at Yasu. “Was it really necessary to bring this guy along? He could just have told us the location.” He said irritated.

“Are you jealous already?” Lily mocked him.

“I’m not!” Gajeel said as fast as he could.  “Also Lil’ can I ask ya something?” This caught the exceed’s attention.

Lily looked at Gajeel and noticed his face expression changed. “What’s bothering you?”

“Nevermind.” Gajeel mumbled under his breath and walked faster, leaving Lily behind.

You finally realized what she means to you. Lily thought as he saw the dragonslayer walked away.

Meanwhile, the dark guild Master and one of his elites was watching the team movements through a lacrima. 

“Those fools thought they were going to enter our headquarters without us noticing their presence.” Katsumi said. “I already sense her.”

In that exact moment an exhausted red-haired woman entered the meeting room. “I already neutralized all our traps.” She said between pants.

Katsumi gave the women a death glare. “Why would you do that Sachiko?!”

“Master ordered me.” She explained.

The guild master watched carefully every move but he smirked as soon as Levy appeared. She’s the girl. “Tomorrow we’ll send our mages to attacked them. They won’t show mercy! I want them weak by the time they get here.”

Levy turned to her teammates. “That’s it for today. It’s already midnight and we need to get some rest.”

“We are not that far from the guild.” Yasu said.

“That’s good to know.” She replied.

The group created a campfire and put some tents in the forest. Gajeel went missing since he finished putting up his tent and Yasu and Lily offered to get more firewood.

Levy looked at the fire and remembered the day of the job. I was so useless…I let her get away with the book.

Gajeel appeared behind Levy. “Oi!” Levy jumped and looked at him.

Gajeel stretched his arm and offered her his hand.“Come ‘ere, Shorty” 

“Huh?” He held her hand. “Where are we going?”She let him lead her to some part of the forest.

“You’ll see.” They continued walking through the forest and stopped when they reached their destination

Levy was amazed. “A waterfall?” The water was crystal clear.

“I thought ya might need some time to be alone.” Gajeel loose his grip.

“Thank you, Gajeel” She smiled at him.

He turned around and started walking away. “I’ll leave ya alone. I won’t be too far, just scream if ya need me. Gi hi”

“No” Gajeel stopped and looked at her over the shoulder. “I mean, stay with me. Just, don’t look.”

Her petition made his cheek turned a slight red. “‘kay”. He held his hair in a high pony tail and undressed himself. Only leaving his trunks on and sat in the calming cold water. As for Levy, she let her long hair down and stayed only with her underwear. She placed nervously all her hair to her right shoulder, sat behind him and started untangling her blue mane.

“Ya know, I used to come here a lot back when I was in…” Gajeel started talking but stopped when he realized what he was going to say. He couldn’t say it, saying such name brought him pain. Levy knew what he meant by that silence. “It was the only time I could be myself.” Gajeel continued.

She tried to ease his uneasiness. “It makes sense. This is relaxing.” She moved a little backward and their backs touched. “Gajeel.” Levy said.

“Hmm”

Levy looked over the shoulder. “Would you close your eyes?”

“What for?” He asked her.

“Just do it. Please.” She said quietly.

“Fine” He gave in to her petition and close his eyes. What she’s up to?

Levy giggled. “Do you trust me?”

“What kind of question is that?” He opened partially his left eye.

Levy turned around and hugged him. “Thank you, for everything.” She felt him tensed up for a moment.

He relaxed, closed his eye once again and smiled. Gajeel’s cheeks were now with a visible blush. “It’s nothing.” He answered her but silent sat between them when he heard she got out of the water. “What are ya doi-” He started talking but Levy cut him.

“Don’t open your eyes.” She said as she undressed completely and submerged again in the water but this time she kneeled in front of him.

“What are ya up t-?” He stopped talking when he felt her took his hand and placed it in her cheek. Levy leaned forward, pressed her forehead against his and let out a sigh.

Gajeel felt their closeness and his breath stopped for a few seconds. “Lev’” He murmured. Levy traced his hand down her neck until it rested in her chest. She’s tryin’ ta kill me. Gajeel blushed more as he noticed she was naked. He didn’t have to opened his eyes to know that.

“Do you feel that?” Levy said referring to her heartbeat and hid a chuckle at his blush.

Gajeel swallowed. “Yeah…” His voice sounded more like a whisper, it was soft. Levy slowly leaned forward and closed the inches between them. He felt her pressed her lips against his. The sudden touch send shiver down to his spine but he didn’t waste time. Gajeel let his hand reached her waist and the back of her neck to deepened the kiss. I thank you for being in my life. He thought. Levy’s arms circled around his neck making even more contact between their bodies. This kiss was more passionate. Gajeel opened his eyes and cupped her cheek in his hand. He kissed her tenderly and proceed to brushed his lips in her jaw and neck leaving little kisses all the way to her collarbone. His movements made her moaned quietly but Gajeel heard the melody.

Levy hugged him tightly. “I love you, Gajeel” Levy whispered in his ear.

This is love, huh?  

He thought. Gajeel couldn’t hold back any longer and started kissing her again. As the hours passed the beautiful night sky witness the love between the couple in the waterfall. Levy could hear his grunts of pleasure and Gajeel felt in love with her moans. That night, the nature felt the heat of their bodies. Gajeel felt his heart bursting out of his chest.

You’re mine, Levy.

He thought as he kissed her gently on the forehead. 

The sun rays began to light the morning, bringing a warm air into the forest. The team woke up, gather everything and continue their way.

“Well, well, look what do we have here.” Yasu heard and tilt his head slightly to follow the source of the voice. In a blink of an eye a group of mages appeared before them.

They were surrounded. Pantherlily shift to his battle mode and smirked. “Ready?”

“READY!” The group shouted in unison.

Yasu ran to the group on the right. “SOLID SCRIPT: FIRE!”

“IRON DRAGON’S SWORD!” Gajeel attack the ones in front of them.

Levy grinned. The ones behind us are mine. “FALCON HEAVENWARD!”  She attacked them in a flash. Gajeel looked at her knowing she just used Jet’s magic, but continue in his fight. “SOLID SCRIPT: STONE!” Levy attacked the mages that managed to dodge her first attack.

Lily used his amazing skills with swords against the group left for him. “IRON DRAGON’S ROAR!” The exceed heard his partner on the other side of the field. He looked at Gajeel and notice that more mages were entering the battle. An ambush?! How they knew we were coming?!? Levy made sure to write some runes of protection. Could it be that one of them is a script mage and neutralized her magic?

“SOLID SCRIPT: STORM!” Yasu attacked some mages that were trying to attack Lily from his back. “You okay?” Yasu asked and Lily nodded.  

More mages?! “CHAIN PLANT!” Levy trapped some but they kept appearing. Something clicked in her insides. Not now. Levy thought she was about to go blank again but it didn’t happen. What was that? She thought. “KNUCKLE PLANT! SOLID SCRIPT: BULLET!” She ignored the feeling and continued her attacks to the upcoming mages. I need more strength. She thought as her skin was covered in iron scales.

“Now we’re talking!” One of the mage shouted and ran towards her. “RAGING BOLT!” A big bolt of lightning descended upon Levy. “AHHH” She screamed in pain.

“IRON DRAGON’S CLUB” She hit the enemy so hard he was send backwards. Gajeel looked at the scene. Levy was using multiple attacks of different magics and he remembered something.

Flashback

Levy nodded and looked directly at Gajeel's red eyes. "I'm dying." She whispered.

This took Gajeel by surprised and he acted without noticing. He shook his head and placed both of his hands in her cheeks. "Oi! Oi! Oi! What are ya' saying?" He sounded desperate.

She placed one of her hands in his and continued. "If I use this magic for a long period of time, my life span, is shortened by long strides."

End of Flashback

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YER DOIN’?!” Gajeel yelled at her. But Levy decided not to look at him.

“GAJEEL, LOOK OUT!” Yasu’s words were heard. The dragonslayer dodged the enemy’s attack. “I’m not thankin’ ya for this, Fancy Pants.” He punched the enemy. “Gi hi”. His grinned vanished as he saw more mages coming towards them. “WHY THE HELL THIS BASTARDS KEEP COMING!?!

“We need to go forward. Keep fighting until we reach the guild.” Yasu said.

They kept fighting for over an hour. Levy kept using both of her magics. As the group lead forward they kept attacking the mages, but the more they get closer to the guild the more Pantherlily and Gajeel’s magic weaken.

Gajeel knew he was getting exhausted and Lily was in the same position. “What the fuck is wrong with us?!”

“Looks like they neutralized our magic.” Pantherlily explained. They looked at Levy and Yasu, they were tired but their magic was still strong.

Fuck, I’m not giving up. Gajeel sighed. “IRON DRAGON’S ROAR! Gajeel loosed balanced but Yasu held him.

“You should stay aside.” Yasu suggested. He noticed the loss of strength and magic from Gajeel and Lily.

“Like hell I’m doin’ that!’” Yasu smiled at his response.

“I thought so. Just stay strong, we are almost there.” The moment Yasu finished his sentence, Lily transformed to his chibi form. “Darn it.” Gajeel heard the exceed said.

“We’re here.” Levy said as she knocked out the last mage. Her skin turned to normal and she helped Gajeel.

The group entered the guild and they were greeted by serious voice.

“You’re here.” Levy heard someone say and follow the voice. The man was with two women at his sides but the group only saw their shadow. It was so dark inside.

The three figures walked to the light. Reveling the faces of those who were waiting for them.

“Sachiko?! What are you doing?!” Yasu shouted.

Lily focused on the other woman. “Gajeel, isn’t she-”

“Yes” Gajeel cut him.

“Little fairy is still alive. How sweet.” Katsumi said sarcastically.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Gajeel shouted.

Katsumi looked at the dragonslayer who was barely in his feet. “You’re not looking so tough now, Kurogane” She laughed.

“Katsumi stopped this.” The room fell in silent. The presence of the guild master gave everyone shivers.

“Do you feel that? So much dark magic is irradiating from him.” Lily said to Gajeel.

I don’t have a good feeling. Gajeel thought and looked at the girl who was helping him. Levy…

“Let’s end this at once.” Katsumi said and moved forward.

The guild master stretched his arm. “Don’t interfere.”

“Yes sir.” She returned to his side.

“Sachiko, neutralized their magic completely.” He ordered.

The red-headed woman created a lacrima out of nowhere and it started to absorb the little magic Gajeel had in reserved. This time Yasu and Levy started to feel the effects of it.

Levy looked at Yasu and he nodded. “SOLID SCRIPT: GUARD!” Levy yelled.

“SOLID SCRIPT ADDITION: ANTI-MAGIC MIRROR!” The barrier combined.

“Your same magic unison won’t have any effect on me.”

“I know that.” Levy said. Gajeel noticed she was out of the barrier.

“Levy-chan this is not what I thought you were going to do.” Yasu punched the mirror-like barrier.

“Turning your back on your own comrades. That’s lovely.” The guild master smirked. “Stay back.” He ordered Katsumi and Sachiko.

“Darkness Cage” He whispered and locked himself with Levy.

“AHH!” Levy screamed. She felt how something inside was burning. “S-Solid S-Script-” She tried to cast something but couldn’t use her magic. “That’s cheating.” She said to the man.

“I actually sealed your Script magic. That leaves you no choice but to use the ancient magic.”

“LEVY, DON’T!” She heard Gajeel say. She looked at him and smiled. “I’ll be fine.”  

Levy ran to the man before her. “IRON DRAGON’S ROAR!” He dodged the attacked.

“EVIL EXPLOSION!” The guild master casted the spell.

“ADAMANTINE BARRIER!” Levy said.

“Erza’s magic?! When did she…” Gajeel was confused.

“She must have absorbed it when she went back to Fairy Hills.” Lily stated.

“DARK ENVELOPING CLAW” The dark magic surrounded Levy and broke her shield. “Ahh!”

“FLIGHT ARMOR! SONIC CLAW!”

The man extended his hands forward. “DARKNESS STREAM” A lot of dark hands appeared and reached Levy, the armor vanished.  Some hands punched her, squeeze her and throw her to the ground.

“She can’t even take a breath and she was bruised from the battle with the other mages.”

“Gajeel look, the runes are appearing again.” Lily said.

No. Gajeel thought.

Flashback

Gajeel rubbed the back of his neck. "Side effects?" His voice sounded more worried than expected.

"At first, I didn't understand anything, but it didn't took me too long to figure out why the runes appeared or what they say." Gajeel listened to her carefully. "They are a warning."

End of Flashback

Gajeel started punching the barrier. “I NEED TO GET OUT NOW!”

“You can’t Gajeel. You can’t use magic here and you don’t have the strength to break it.” Yasu tried to calm Gajeel’s action.

“Looks like your friend is trying to interfere.” The guild master told Levy and she looked back at the group. She knew she was now covered in runes but she won’t let them get hurt.  

“What if I annihilate them first. DARK BLADES!” Levy runned in front of the barrier.

“PROTECTION MAGIC!” She shouted this with her eyes shut.

I knew you were stupid and that exact action was the one I was waiting for. You must be weak by now. The man smirked.

Levy opened her eyes. She felt them wet. Blood was falling from them. She looked at the blades that disappeared in thin air. Huh?

“Her eyes…” Gajeel, Lily and Yasu said in unison.

“NOW PERISH! INSTANS MORTEM” The guild master extended his hand forward and the spell took form of an arrow and pierced Levy’s heart.

“LEVY, NO!” Gajeel screamed desperate.

Back at the guild, Makarov was sitting in the bar next to Mirajane. I hope you are all fine, my children. You’re going to face a difficult enemy. But his thoughts were cut when he heard something.

“Ughh!” Both Shadow Gear members fell on their knees hyperventilating.

“Jet! Droy!” Lucy shouted and rushed to them.

“Are you guys alright?” Natsu asked worriedly.

Wendy made her way through Natsu and Lucy and kneeled down. “I can help.” She started using her magic.

Jet gripped his chest. “I just felt like my heart has being ripped”

“I felt that too” Droy said painfully.

“Could it be that something happened to Levy? Jet thought

Droy looked at him worriedly and said. “Levy…” 

“NOOOOO!” Gajeel screamed as tears starting falling. Blood was spilled to the barrier and Gajeel saw as Levy’s body fell to the floor.

“What an exquisite victory. Little McGarden just vanished.” The guild master shouted in excitement.

Levy-chan is… Yasu thought. He couldn’t say it, He was already crying.

“It can’t be.” Lily said with tears in his eyes.

The man stood in front of the barrier and watched Gajeel sobbing. “From a man who had bloodlust to a weak and pathetic Fairy Tail mage.” He turned around and walked away. “Katsumi take her body to the dungeon. We still need it to extract the ancient magic.”

Katsumi nodded. “Yes Sir”

“DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH HER!” Gajeel screamed angrily. His voice showed how hurt he was.

She chuckled. “Watch me, pretty boy” Katsumi said as she lifted Levy’s lifeless body.

In the exact moment Levy’s body was lifted , Yasu felt how the barrier started to lose its strength. The magic of the barrier has weakened, because she’s no longer with us… Yasu looked down. He remembered that the same thing happened when his dad died.

“You…” Gajeel clenched his fist. “You stole her life right in front of me…” Magic power started surging from him.

Lily looked at him. They don’t know what they are awaking… The exceed thought. He knew Gajeel won’t stop until someone was dead. “Gajeel, calm down, we’ll find a way to help Levy.”

The guild master laughed maniacally. “Help her? Don’t make me laugh. The last McGarden is dead.”

“You shouldn’t have done that…” His eyes were shadowed by his hair. His skin now turning steel.

“Gajeel don’t-” Yasu tried to stopped him.

“I’LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR THAT!” Gajeel broke the glass and head towards the guild master.

TBC

[loveaningenue]

Taylor Swift’s 2005-2006 MySpace Comments

Taylor’s alleged MySpace comments in a chronological order from 2005 to 2006. (Time of posts on 24h). Pictures of the comments were too blurry, so I didn’t add, but if needed, I have them saved in a file if anyone needs proof. 

NB: All the comments are replies to unknown posts by her friends, so the context is unknown. 

Sep 3, 2005 13:08

I am obsessed with you.

If you look out your window and down the street about 200 yards, you may see a big white van parked on the street. I am inside the van with a telescope and computer. Just trying to catch a glimpse of kelsey dammmnnn morris.

haha. end of story.

Sep 5, 2005 1:37

AWWWW brittany I miss you so much. And yes, I can verify that you do know every word to that song. I love you for it. :-) . Prom was incredible and thankyou so much for everything you’re ever done in the past to make me feel welcome into that whole group. You have always been so nice to me. Thankyou for everything. You may not have noticed but it really meant a lot to me. 

Sep 6, 2005 3:26

LACEY LACEY LACEY

I’m in love with you.

There’s no other way around it.

hehe

Sep 10, 2005 2:01

Pretty girl.

I could away twenty and knock on your door and ask you how you’ve been...

But I think I’ll just sit here and type it. Tell me how you’ve been, child. taylor

Sep 11, 2005 21:09

I have the same name as your boyfriend.

Therefore I am better than everyone and you should like me more.

taylor

Sep 14, 2005 20:43

HOMECOMINGQUEENHOMECOMINGQUEENHOMECOMINGQUEENHOMECOMINGQUEEN

{haha i love you and your pretty crown}

taylor

Sep 18, 2005 11:56

Kelsey’s awesome. And got best smile. And should have gotten everything else. Hahah iloveyou

Sep 17, 2005 11:30

uhhh..

“I shot some guy with a flare gun” -sahara

best line ever.

Sep 21, 2005 23:26

WE NEED ONE MORE SCANTRON

Sep 30, 2005 17:06

I have one word for you.

Chorttle.

{bitch}

Oct 11, 2005 23:13

Everybody watch Kelsey’s scrolling pictures of her friends until you get the one of shelby.

Her boobs look AMAZING.

hahahahahahaha

Oct 18, 2006 16:36

RELINQUISH THIS TOME FOOLERY YOU ELFISH KNAVE.

- a prime example of the shit we OUGHT to learn in English class.

Oct 31 2005 8:12

i read your complaining comment about how your not abigails tip 8. well, how could you be? I’M THERE. TAKING YOUR SPOT HAHAhAHAHA. (evil laugh, you know the drill). Well, anyway, listen my queer fellow. I thinketh we shall hangeth out sometime soon, eh? yes, i do believe i am growing fond of this idea. drive over in your sex van and come pick me up. farewell knave. -T-

Nov 6, 2005 0:03

If you were a guy I’d probably date you.

Just a friendly reminder

<3

Nov 26, 2005 17:54

My darling.

18 days till I get my license and  I think we’ll gave to go out in the hummer and shoot people we hate with a paintball gun out the passenger side window.

Abigail and I have been planning this for a while.

You should totally come.

We hear you have good aim.

lovelovelove -T-

Nov 26, 2005 21:50

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

{i like your headline}

and yes, I do.

lovelovelove -T-

Dec 4, 2005 22:07

Here’s a little limerick for you to solve while I waste my life away on the couch with a godforsaken migraine that is threatening my life eating ice cream out of the gallon container watching war of worlds wondering why I was fat as a 10-year-old and not cute like dakota fanning and thinking, “hey, this wouldn’t’t be so bad, everything getting blown to shit and half the world dying.. Life pretty much sucks anyway.”

I don’t want what I can get.

I fuck up what i had so i shouldn’t want it

I want what doesn’t want me Therefore I can’t get it Therefore I can’t be happy Therefore I sit in class writing notes t my equally psychotic redheaded best friend about how to achieve ultimate happiness when honestly we’re just dreamers because no one is ever permanently happy.

I have blonde hair and my name rhymes with sailor.

What am I?

Oh, fuck. It’s me.

Have an equally joyous night fa la la i love christmas

-T-

Dec 16, 2005 2:59

I’m Grant Motherfucking Wood.

I do what I want

and say the word “durr”.

iloveyoubutnotsomuchgrantwood hehehe -T-

Dec 21, 2005 0:17

I’m in England and this whole country is weird.

They’re all weird. Except for me. Who, as you know, is completely normal. 

Hey man we need to hang out when I get back. How about we combine me, my car, grant wood’s house, shelby, ally, some boys, lily and perhaps whitley, some drinks because you might get thirsty, and new year’s eve.

yeeeaahhhhhh

-T-

Dec 28, 2005 14:57

Just a little reminder to you that, even though the semester may be over..

I’m still quite obsessed with you.

haha fuck sewing machines.

lovelovelove -T-

Dec 28, 2005 

WOW I LOVE YOUR PICTURES

( i haven’t been on here in a while and technology alone fascinates me)

Hey I love you and now I know exactly where your house is, and also that Grant Wood plays guitar? Yes, he does. 

Why?

Because he’s Grant Motherfucking Wood, That’s why.

We’re hanging out New Years and I’m driving the Hummer and it will be amazing.

-T-

PS: Hi, Kelsey’s mom!

Dec 29, 2005 2:44

Lil’ Kels.

hahahhaha

I looove love love your new pictures. You are pretty, 

You’re right.. you better watch out.

Because I do what I want.

-T-

Jan 4, 2006 22:37

IM ONE OF KELSEYS BEST FRIENDS HA HA HA HA HA HA.

I’m sorry. Now that I said that I’m probably going to get kicked off the list for disorderly conduct or just simply being a loser in a public place such as the internet. 

But just to let you know. That’s pretty freakin awesome. lovelovelove -T-

Jan 8, 2006 8:53

My name is Taylor. I am not clingy. I do not want a boyfriend.

I do not show signs of wanting a boyfriend.

I do not make hints leading on to the fact that I may want a boyfriend.

So how, tell me, on EARTH is it possible for someone confuse this issue and IGNORE me because they don’t want a girlfriend.

(%(* ..)%([IOJENTI..OWI$...]WO -T-

Jan 10, 2006 0:30

Umm how about DONT listen to addie.

That’s like the most amusing picture I’ve ever seen.

Take it down?

I think not.

Jan 18, 2006 0:14

JORDAN YOU IDIOT.

The term is quite obviously FEM-bots.

Not THEM-bots..

I don’t know what goes in your clouded mind sometimes..

maybe I’m just too sexy and it distracts you. mmm i think i am correct. -T-

Jan 18, 2006 0:16

Oh P.S.

Boys with your name are not exactly as great as you.

I have had much experience with them lately.

hahaha and their girlfriends get mad ;-)

Feb 4, 2006 21:01

THAT PICTURE OF ME UP AT THE TOP IS GROSS.

THAT IS SICK TAKE IT DOWN.

It serves NO purpose other than to make me look FUGLY.

I want it off NOW.

but i loove you

Feb 5, 2006 8:14

Guess who as a thing for you.

The hottest guy in the world.

Whats the mixture of a tiger and a lion?

A WHORE.

think about it.

Feb 28, 2006 5:30

“I definitely just deep-throated the lollipop.”

Hey little girl.. do you want to know a seeker-ett?

hahaha thanks for helping me with my computer troubles. I know you bend many way for me. i like dat.

Mar 21, 2006 7:54

“Kelsey y dont u just LEAVE US ALONE.

WE R TRYIN 2B HAPPY. OMGGGGGG.”

hahahah. See, I had to write the original message with punctuations and vowels-- but I had to translate into the way SHE would write it.

But she’s not immature. She’s just not fond of correct spelling.

i love you -T-

Apr 5, 2006 7:51

LoL i KnOw!!

ExcLamAtiOn PoIntS aRe THIRD GrAdErS !! !! !!

(also notice this super cool signature I’m going to add in to the ending of this comment)

::sWiFt::

hahahah

Apr 22, 2006 18:39

PUT UP PROM PICTURES!!!!!!!!!!

And as soon as I get my laptop back, I’ll be leaving you a certain picture that I think you’ll like.

Because a certain girl might see it. lovelovelove -T-

Apr 23, 2006 14:19

(Picture)

(Picture)

(Picture)

(This is you quite obviously staring at my boobs)

Apr 24, 2006 17:56

Lyrics we live by:

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time I want what’s your and I want what’s mine

I want YOU, but I’m not giving  giving in this time.

haha i love you you’re really pretty. -T-

Apr 30, 2006 19:33

Kelsey.

I love you and I’m sorry about all the “distance”.

Distance = stupid and unnecessary.

Dude. The truth us, i miss you. Starbucks tomorrow? 

May 2, 2006 22:10

Yeah, I remember I have that photoshoot today and tomorrow. Well, its good to know I was missed. haha. Speaking of missed, I really wish you didn’t work so much because I wanted to hang out today.

lovelovelove -T-

Call me.

May 27, 2006 1:44

Dude.

The scrolling picture of your car is mad cool mannnnnn.

sweeeeet.

I stared at it for like an hour. hahaha

no really. the sad thing is, I did.

Jun 9, 2006 20:30

I CANT FIND MY PHONE.

errrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Kelsey. My lovely best friend. YOU CAME TO MY SHOWWWWWW! I didn’t know if you or ally actually came or not because I didn’t see you, thank you so much for coming. That means the world to me, you know that. I love you.

lovelovelove -T-

Jun 19, 2006 10:52

I MISS YOU AND I WANT TO SEE YOU.

I leave again tonight for north carolina but i wont be gone as long this time, and I want my best friendddd backkkkk.

I love you and ally.

lovelovelove

-T-

Jul 31, 2006 19:24

You know you’ve been away too long when your best friend doesn’t have any trace of you on her myspace anymore. Kelsey. I missss you.

I’m going over to Ally’s house tonight and if you’re not there I’m going to walk over to your house and abduct you. 

lovelovelove -T-

Here’s a LINK to the pictures of the alleged MySpace comments. 

BONUS: