#project my problems onto him bc we are the same person guys actually

[ultraericthered]

#i got to screen Wish before it released during a school trip and let me tell you something #even though we noticed the glaring problems with that movie immediately #i also noticed something i dont think many others did at that time #there was so much talent and potential being held back. if you read closely you can pick up on a cry for help from the creatives behind it #i want to elaborate but i think if you know. you know #and if you don't.. this post does a good job of shining a light on a small part of that cry for you #despite its many issues i think i still liked Wish. Not because i think it was a good movie but bc i think it could have been a great one had circumstances been different. #my heart goes out to those who put their souls and everything they had into that movie and others in similar situations #some of the creators had given a small talk before the screening and to me they seemed very emotional about it #i think what many people forget is that nobody can see a project's flaws better than the people who worked on it #but what they also see and you can't is everything more it was meant to be #please remember that the core of many issues in any project is that the people with the talent often do not have power to call the shots

Yes, all of that. And I find it ironic that the gifed scene is the one that got people saying "Hey, King Magnifico's not really much of a villain, he's got a good point! He's just upholding his part of a social contract with his citizenry and doing what he, as king, needs to do to protect their wishes but also protect Rosas by ruling out granting any wishes that might backfire and have dangerous repercussions for the kingdom and the lives of the people! Asha's just an ignorant spoiled brat for demanding anything more of him! Magnifico Did Nothing Wrong!" So when you take that position on what you're being shown by the story and not scratching the surface to look at what Magnifico is doing in-universe by not giving back the wishes he knows he will not grant and knows the people who gave them to him cannot remember and what the out-of-universe subtext of this is, you're siding with the Disney Corporate Executive Overlords. You're siding with Bob Iger's "they're not being realistic with their expectations" argument. You're siding with Chapek and Iger's practices done under excuses like "It doesn't fit the Disney brand", "mass appeal stories over personal ones", "people don't want to go and pay to see movies with girly princess titles", etc. You're siding with their practices of dumping content straight to streaming (or onto Disney+ not too long after they've hit theaters or TV) even when that actually limits profits that the actual creative teams can make from their own work, of tampering with the artists visions and how the finished product turns out and then punishing those artists if it doesn't turn out well, and of ignoring ideas for original creations in favor of contiunally milking their popular (and profitable) existing IPs. You're siding with people who make up an entire entity that say loudly to the faces of all those who put in the work, the skills, the talent, the passion and dedication to create art and content they feel people deserve to enjoy, in the forms they deserve to enjoy them "I decide what everyone deserves!"

Capitalism errodes into a force for human evil when the people at the top prove susceptible to three things in excess beyond mere greed and self-interest: unchecked power, irresponsibility, and indecency. King Magnifico is allegorical for that evil, with a bit of a communist dictator angle to him too since that's the end point of those exact same excesses and extremes for socialism. He's a major problematic fave for all kinds of reasons, but anyone who wants to tell me he's a good guy can kindly GTFO.

Wish (2023) dir. Fawn Veerasunthorn, Chris Buck

hey do you think the overworked creatives about to go on strike are trying to tell us something

article sources under the cut

Mattson, Kelcie. "How Disney Almost Killed 'Nimona.'" Collider, January 2 2024.

Earl, William. "Shelving Batgirl Was the Right Decision, Says New DC Studios Head Peter Safran: 'It Would Have Hurt DC.'" Variety, January 31 2023

Couch, Aaron. "Warner Bros. Reverses Course on 'Coyote vs. Acme' After Filmmakers Rebel." The Hollywood Reporter, November 13 2023.

Ridgely, Charlie. "Scoob! Sequel Director Revealed Film Was 'Very Close' to Completion Before HBO Max Cancellation." comicbook.com, August 2 2022.

Clark, Travis. "Staffers at the animation studio Blue Sky say it's 'heartbreaking' that Disney canceled its final movie, 'Nimona.'" Business Insider, February 18, 2021.

Harrison, Mark. "Why was the Batgirl movie cancelled?" Yahoo! Entertainment, January 31 2024.

Amidi, Amid. "Warner Bros. Shelves Fully-Completed 'Coyote Vs. Acme' For Tax Write-Off." Cartoon Brew, November 9 2023.

Lee, Alex. "Why Netflix keeps cancelling your favourite shows after two seasons." Wired UK, September 28 2020.

Tyrrell, Gary. "We All Knew It Was Coming." fleen.com, February 10 2021.

"Warner Bros. Reverses Course on ‘Coyote vs. Acme’ After Filmmakers Rebel." see: 3.

Bergeson, Samantha. "Warner Bros. Will Let 'Coyote Vs. Acme' Filmmakers Shop Movie to Other Distributors." IndieWire, November 13 2023.

Strapagiel, Lauren. "Disney's First Feature Animated Movie With Queer Leads May Never Be Released." BuzzfeedNews, February 24 2021.

"We All Knew It Was Coming." see: 9

@/scottderrickson. "I think it’s absolute bullshit that a studio can and does shelve the creative work of hundreds of people for a fucking tax break." Twitter, 10 Nov. 2023, 4:52 p.m..

[biasomnia]

Uhm if you couldn’t tell by my 2am monologue on Kenma when I finished reading Dumpster Battle I like him a lot and he has regained his place as a comfort character with me hyperfixatimg on volleyball again. Please let me know if you would be interested in having sporadic short essays on characters and stories I like bc good stories beg for good analysis

[intrulogical]

shakes you. YOU DON'T GET IT GUYS!!! working through intrusive thoughts is one of the best sasi episodes for how much it reveals about logan and remus and yes i am biased to intrulogical but there is!!!! a reason!!!!

obviously beforehand we just acknowledged remus as one of the people logan debated against throughout the series but no THIS time we have to acknowledge how they're two sides of the same coin!! they r the same kind of character!! there's an implied deeper narrative connection between these two by how much remus KNOWS about logan's vulnerabilities and actively pushes his buttons more than any other side does to get him to snap!!!

to explain, one of the reasons this episode is so important is because we gain the opportunity to learn more about remus as a character. in dwit, we're just introduced to his personality— gruesome, random LOL humor, a bother. but what wtit establishes is how he perceives being viewed as a bother AND how his "random LOL" personality is actually more deliberate than what we thought it is.

one— remus is bothered by being ignored. "you're going to pretend i don't exist so i'm gonna pretend you don't exist" is the BIGGEST evidence of that, coupled with the fact that this sentence exactly mirrors what apparition!nico said to thomas. in fact, the fact that these two match completely proves that what remus is projecting onto thomas through nico isn't just thomas' insecurities but some of remus' as well. this is my first talking point on why i think remus and logan are different sides of the same coin. they are suppressed!!! they are LITERALLY fighting for thomas' attention in the episode.

and they both lose. holy shit guys. they r literally the sides thomas hate the most and they literally both lose and thomas doesn't listen to them and!!! ARE YOU HEARING ME THEY R NARRATIVE MIRRORS!!!!!

and second— i'd love to add that remus is proven to be extremely deliberate. people like to write remus as someone "who does anything he wants for no reason" but that's not the entire story. think of it this way: remus HAS left-field goals and aspirations, but he is extremely committed to fulfilling them, which makes him deliberate. his entire thing in wtit is to bother thomas as much as possible, and he stays COMMITTED to that. he has plans and he thinks and he's smarter than what most people believe. why do you think he had a notepad w all his plans written on it????

again, he IS a mirror to logan, not only in methodology but end goals??? like do you ever wonder what role remus serves as a side. and i mean obviously he's intrusive thoughts and we all hate intrusive thoughts, but in essence, each side believes they are benefiting thomas whether you agree with their methods or not. remus imposes his ideas onto thomas because he believes them to be beneficial. in this situation where thomas is at his lowest, remus actually serves an interesting role of being thomas' alarm clock.

what do i mean by that? what i mean is, so much of the series shows the sides seemingly finding a perfect solution for each predicament they go through. but in reality, thomas going through issues by himself is SUPER unhealthy and unrealistic. remus serves as a reality checker to thomas. the more intrusive thoughts thomas receives in uncontrollable amounts, the more thomas would realize that hey, maybe i SHOULD go see a therapist for my problems.

AGAIN, ANOTHER MIRROR TO LOGAN BC I CAN'T GET ENOUGH. logan is the one who imposes the alarms in wtit to remind thomas to do certain chores. these two are basically cues for thomas to actually RESPOND to his mental health issues, but logan is more solution-based while remus is more emotion-based.

AND THEY R WHAT, STILL NOT LISTENED TO! but the important thing to realize is that, w so many implications about them being mirrors, something is Bound to happen, specifically to logan, that would eventually reach thomas and slap him into reality. remus and logan share the same goal, after all— to be listened to and for thomas to recognize his mental health issues. when remus says "gee logan now you're speaking my language" after logan got mad at him, remus is saying "now you understand why i use emotion as a means of getting other people's attention (and i hope you know who to use that against next time)" AND THAT MAKES ME INSANE. REMUS AND LOGAN R INSANE. they r scary powerful as a tandem and may change the course of thomas' life in the future and PLEASE SEE MY VISION Y'ALL THEY R MIRRORS

[legallybrunettedotcom]

i want to know everything omg! what are your favorite characters on gossip girl? who do you hate the most? and what your opinion about this show in general. 💓

I really need to do a rewatch, I probably forgot a lot of plot points, but... Blair was always my favourite, my number one girl. I didn't like Serena, I think I just didn't like Blake Lively, and I hate to be that person that's like oh she always had bad vibes, I knew it from the start, but idk I just never got the hype around her and her acting was so bad. I think I end up disliking a lot of characters on any tv show just bc I hate the actor's acting choices, like why are you doing that face? that was so unneccessary lmao. I think I also maybe projected onto Blair a bit, like someone who is always trying their best, putting in 110% and someone else just swooping in and winning with zero effort, but... let's not unpack that here. Them together are obviously one of the best frenemies put on screen and I suppose both the tension and love that can exist in female friendships was portrayed really well imo so I don't really want to point fingers at either of them as like the root cause of the friendship problems, like one of them being the shitty friend and other the martyr. Like sometimes you are a shitty friend and sometimes your friend is the cunt, that's not the end of the world. I can see the same thing happening now that there's been a sort of SATC renaissance if i can call it that (even though SATC is a show that is consistently popular, like I don't think it has ever fallen off and then had some sort of resurgence but ygwim) where ppl are aggressively hating Carrie, like she was the devil. Plus I find it difficult to look at fiction through real life eyes, like asking why would this person do this? well they did it bc this is a show and we need an inciting incident to move the plot forward yk?

Blair and Chuck were made for each other, I loved their dynamic. With that said, Chuck is obviously not a good guy. I think at the time, as a kid, some things flew over my head, but looking back he is scary and creepy and you'd feel unsafe in his presence. I suppose he was entertaining, like you got this 15, 16 year old kid talking about stock exchange and dressing like Hugh Hefner, it kinda is funny. Even though I was rooting for Chair (was that their ship name I can't remember) endgame, I did actually enjoy Blair and Dan together, I think it was a cute moment and they worked well together. I don't think their relationship was for shock value, they actually had kind of a proper enemies to friends to lovers arc. I liked Dan, but also looking back... kind of a creep as well, his obsession with Serena was weird and the reveal of him as GG was disappointing. I gotta admit I never watched the show with anticipation of GG being revealed, I personally was like ok if it happens, happens, if it doesn't, fine. I never was interested in looking for clues on who GG might be. I think the show would've been fine ending without that reveal tbh. Definitely one of the more underwhelming and disappointing show finales out there.

I loved Jenny, I loved Juliet, I think she was the best antagonist. I kinda didn't care about Nate that much. I loved that the show delved into the life and drama of the parents as well, sometimes more entertaining than teenage lives. Honestly, can't say I hated anyone, which... funny considering I opened this with a politer version of calling Serena a bitch lmao. But despite GG being looked at as a silly teen show, I think all these characters were pretty complex and no one was really entirely good or entirely bad. I think what carried that show was great costumes, great set design and charismatic actors. I actually read some of the books and yk they're fine, can't remember much of the details, but I think actors made it much more than it is on paper, which also I feel is a sign of times. Like not to lump these actors with actual movie stars of the past, but we can definitely see an actor is not a star anymore, they're a product. The show had a lot of plot holes, but... idk I can't say I'm intense abt plot holes unless it's truly insanely dumb and demeans the audience.

I don't know if you've checked out the reboot, I watched like first half of first season and it wasn't good. They tried to fix a lot of problems of the original, especially in matters of diversity and class consciousness, but the problem with a lot of "socially conscious" media nowadays is that their writing ends up consisting of slogans instead of yk actually good writing and dialogue. The original was quite scandalous for its time, like I've seen ppl say their parents wouldn't let them watch it. It was like SATC for teenagers. The reboot didn't have that edge, but I also don't think this is a uniquely GG problem, I think it's just the times. Television doesn't connect us anymore. Which I know is ironic saying this on Tumblr, on a fandom site, in an era where there are so many streaming platforms producing many many many tv shows and programmes and it all being actually more profitable than films, BUT you can't tell me our relationship to TV is the same as it was 20, 30, 40 etc years ago, or even just 10 years ago.

But yeah, all in all, I love the show, I love the fashion, I love the bitchiness and I think it came at the right moment in my life. If you want to share your own opinions feel free to do so, my inbox is always open. Like I said, haven't seen it in a long time, so my memory isn't super fresh, but I think I'm due for a rewatch. <3

[backwardswalks]

Ten Characters I Fell in Love With in 2021

tagged by @highflyerwings my beloved thank u for giving me something to post

i’m also not sure if this is supposed to regulated to only kdramas/kfilm but considering that’s the only thing i watched in 2021 we’ll just go with it. these are definitely in order bc i’m a hater before anything else and have no problem ranking my faves xoxo

1. han juwon (beyond evil, 괴물)

genuinely cannot express how much i love juwon. i wrote this big emo post that maybe gets close. but never have i ever identified so closely with a character, we are one and the same. juwon has the best and most beautiful character arc i have ever seen in television ever and to the day i die i will love him so fervently it makes me ill

2. lee dongsik (beyond evil, 괴물)

along with juwon, absolute banger character. even through so much personal pain he’s the first to look out for others and even tho his actions are morally questionable it was with the greatest intent—to make sure it never, ever happened again. his role in juwon’s transformation is just chefs kiss i love their relationship and yes they are gay

3. jung taeju (my name, 마이 네임)

also cannot express how much i desperately love this man and his actor lee hakjoo. life changing. master class in acting and being sexy thank yew. also i am the only person who knows him intimately and am the authority on him for a reason xoxo

4. han hoyeol (d.p., 디피)

wow i love hoyeol. even tho junho is the focus of the series (arguably) i think hoyeol is one of the best and most complicated/fleshed out characters in the series and we get only the smallest hints of what he might really be going through and i just. big kith

5. k (the devil judge, 악마판사)

my best friend called my favorite character list the gallows 😵‍💫 anyway i projected so much onto him it was absurd i literally cried for 2 hours when he [redacted] and that’s not an exaggeration i’m a nightmare

6. han jiwoo (to my star, 나의 별에게)

this was the 2nd bl i watched and wow i also latched completely onto jiwoo bc we are also the same person, super reserved and cold and reluctant to catch feelings 💔 i love my grumpy little guy

7. oh jihoon (beyond evil, 괴물)

the running theme here is that i absolutely fell in love with every character in beyond evil but jihoon is so special. yoonsu’s little dimples are so sweet and also i liked the way that jihoon is seen as a very innocent, sweet person and that even the innocent/sweet aren’t free from suspicion like it hurt to see him so scared but the fact that the writing didn’t spare him that is just. [hoover noises]

8. kang yohan (the devil judge, 악마판사)

morally ambiguous, borderline villain, sexy, likes to choke gaon. do i need to say more

9. jung jaeheon (sweet home, 스위트 홈)

this mfer was so badass (and sexy) with the sword???? woof woof woof woof woof woof woof

10. cha hyunsoo (sweet home, 스위트 홈)

i actually loved his character a lot and song kang did soooo well. like the tortured loner/monster is just so good and song kang is so cute and i absolutely devoured sweet home in one day aaaaugghhh

gonna tag my fwends @bobafvcks @godotismissingx um um um idk who else i can’t remember usernames

[fukurodaze]

if i ever get lost

pairing/s: third year!haiba lev x gn!reader genre: fluff, romantic tension aka best and softest tension word count: 3.2k warnings: like, one curse word this was also requested by anon! “3rd year Lev w a reader who’s struggling to pass all their homeworks, projects and quizzes (bc they piled up their works ;;) while thinking of how should they study for college/uni entrance exams?”

special thanks to nat @natszoo​ and ellie @lcnelyinthesky​ for beta reading and helping me w this!! 

LISTEN TO: somebody loves you - jeremy zucker; glitter - benee

lowercase intended!

you throw your head back when you forget the term written on the flip side of the flash card haiba lev is holding. it’s a friday night, far past anyone’s bedtimes, but final exams for the first semester start on monday and you’re not sure where to start. haiba lev, being the person who has nothing better to do, agreed to come over and flip cards with random kanji, english, and biology terms on it.

lev might also be here because it’s an open secret that he’s liked you since first year, and you’ve never answered to his feelings, but you’re thinking friends for now - until you memorise all of this semester’s kanji, english vocabulary, and biology terms, that is.

“the phospholipid bilayer is made up of...”

lev gives you time to think, his wide eyes going between the answer on the card and your thinking face.

“shit, uh, the phospholipid bilayer is made up of two layers of phospholipids?”

“makes sense, but no.” lev answers, flipping the card to show you.

“the phospholipid bilayer is made up of a polar, hydrophilic area containing a phosphate group bound to glycerol, and a non-polar, lipophilic area containing fatty acids...” you read aloud, trying to memorise what’s currently going out your mouth, in one ear, and out again through another ear.

“you know, your flash cards are pretty comprehensive.”

you raise an eyebrow, “is that... a good thing?”

“i mean, yes and no,” he takes another sip of the tea your mom had insisted to bring to guests, “it’s harder to memorise, but it’s better for details. but-”

“but?” you watch as he takes another sip. 

“i think if you really don’t know where to go, just understand the basic concept of everything. for one - what is the function of the bilayer?”

“why do you sound smart?” you question, tilting your head jokingly.

“hey! i am smart! most times! with tests like these that have essay questions, you just gotta learn the basic concept of each term and connect them.” lev advices, recounting his former volleyball captain and nekoma high school alumni, kuroo tetsuro’s, words when lev himself was barely scraping past his first semester finals when he’d just transferred.

“easier said than done in two nights,” you slouch your head on your desk, “plus! it’s not just biology. or exams.”

if memorising all these terms in the span of two days sounds bad enough, you’re still crushed with the supplementary course work and projects due next week as well. 

you let out a deep groan. you’re so tired. it’s like biology information only comes up when you’re studying for english, biology only coming up for modern literature, and mathematics somehow being inserted into the little unknown kanji in modern literature. it’s all too much at once.

“it’s all too much at once, huh?” lev places his head on your desk, only a few inches away from your face. normally, you’d push him away, pull your head back up, or maybe even give him a light slap on a bad day, but today you welcome him. 

you nod, quiet. you haven’t been able to get a breather. it’s essay this, quiz that, lab report here, test there. your mind is blank.

now, lev sits back up on the extra chair from your dining room, “have you eaten dinner?”

“why are you asking... it’s like, midnight.”

“the question still stands.”

you sigh, “nope.”

lev hums. he takes a pen, then twirls it, like his fingers possessed polar magnets that somehow let the pens never fall from his hands. but it does eventually, and when it falls with a plastic click on your wooden desk, lev visibly takes a big breath and says, “do you want to get ramen?”

you exhale through your nose and smile. “are you asking me out, haiba?”

“is it inappropriate to ask you out now?”

damn this tall dork. come to think of it, he’s never actually asked you out despite the obvious ways he’d vouch for your attention in the past. you’re quite surprised, frankly, as he’s always been so loud in the ways he’s wanted to be with you but never really made it seem like anything was going to happen. 

but, hey, it’s late enough for you to put down your doubts about him away. after all, he’s been in your room for four hours, just helping you study. he wasn’t even studying himself - he just sat there, doing almost nothing. and for a guy like him, you wonder how he’s managed to keep there for so long.

“sure.”

lev’s eyes widen. “wait, really?”

“yeah,” you begin to set aside all your study materials, “we can go to a twenty-four hour place in the city, too.”

“alright! let me get you your coat!”

“my coat?” you raise an eyebrow when he hands you the coat you wear the most, feeling both flattered and slightly surprised that he recognises it straight away from your messy room. the boy comes to retreat his coat as well from one of the hangers in your room, and he even offers to get you your socks and boots.

“alright, alright, you don’t have to be that ready to go,” you joke. 

he makes sure there is no noise when you two walk out of your house, through the suburbs of tokyo and to the nearest train to the city. 

“aren’t you two a bit young to be here so late?” the shopkeeper, an old lady, mutters under her breath. you catch it through her croaky voice when you and lev enter the place together, but you pay no attention because all you care to focus on is the smell of broth and your empty stomach.

“for two, please,” lev says, undoubtedly hearing the woman’s remark, but answering with a smile. she smiles too, and so do you, and it makes you remember all the times he’s smiled and you’ve wanted to either punch him or hold his hand. 

today just happens to be one of those days where you want to hold his hand. you shake the thought off.

when you two are seated at the ramen bar, your head falls onto your palm, tilting back to face lev, his chin covered partly by his usual maroon scarf. you had whispered to him earlier on the train what you wanted to order, and lev quickly speaks to the waiter as your tired gaze rises from from the squiggly wooden patterns embedded in the polished wooden table to the boy that’s sitting right next to you. 

at first glance, you remember haiba lev’s face to be satisfying to look at. you remember when he had just transferred to your class in the first year, and you developed the annoying habit of looking forty-five degrees to the right every time you were bored in class, as you thought his face was much easier on the eyes than complex quadratic equations or japanese history. 

for a while you wondered if it was because he certainly looked different - not only was he practically a giant, but he had eurocentric features that stood out from the majority of the student body as well (it also didn’t help that he quite literally and figuratively filled any room he was in). though, maybe, after a while, when everyone got used to the sight of a new face, you kept your line of sight at a forty-five degree angle, just peering above his cheekbones. the same way you’re looking at him right now.

and really, the only word for it is handsome. dashing. good-looking. you’ve always known that, but now that you put it into words in your head, you notice the chiseled jaw, pointed nose and emerald green eyes feel a bit more-

“what you staring at?” his baritone voice cuts through your thoughts cleanly.

you don’t like where this conversation will go. “haiba, are you doing any college entrance exams?”

lev cocks his head to one side, thinking, before nodding, “i think i am. why?”

“how are you studying for them?”

lev clicks his tongue, and it brings you to surprise, “get your mind away from studying! we’re not here in the city at, like, one in the morning to talk about college entrance exams!”

you sigh, “okay, fine. but, still, answer my question?”

“i just do practice problems for twenty minutes every day,” lev shrugs, “okay, now, can we move away from studying?”

you hum lazily, watching as two bowls of ramen arrive at the bar. he had ordered what you told him you wanted to order, both bowls almost identical in smell, shape, size, and content. almost, because lev didn’t have any spring onions in his bowl.

“haiba,” you call, earning a quick call of your name in response, “do you not like spring onions?”

lev nods so obviously that he seems proud. his chopsticks mix the entire bowl together before picking up the half-boiled egg and eating the slice whole. when he swallows it down, he asks you, “you noticed.”

“i mean, yeah,” you reply, “why do you not like them? they’re like, essential.”

lev takes a slurp of his noodles, and then a spoonful of the broth, “i just never liked their texture - which is funny, since my entire family loves adding spring onions.”

now it’s your turn to slurp into your ramen, one bite turning into two, and two turning into the entire content of the bowl. lev seems to eat twice as fast, seemingly having a strategy to cooling down the hot noodles on his spoon while simultaneously folding a piece of pork charsiu in between the loops of each spoonful of noodles, making sure that the little wrap is bathed in a little bit of broth. you find yourself smiling at his act, almost like he has a system of his own when it came to eating ramen - well, he usually had a system of his own when doing just about anything.

the meal is quiet for the most part, with little mumbles of how your tea needs a refill and the ruffling sounds between sheets of tissue to wipe off the broth around your lips. it’s fulfilling, and the look on lev’s face says he’s happy too.

when you two make it out of the ramen bar, 1am feels the same as 9pm. somehow, you’re no longer the kind of sleepy you were when you were flipping through flashcards on your desk, and instead, you’re almost dreading to go home. you think it might also be the neon lights, but there’s some kind of electricity you’re not yet willing to let rest for the night.

luckily, lev doesn’t feel the need to rush. although his steps are big and his voice is loud, he takes his time when you two make the silent agreement to make the walk to the train station as long-winded as possible. his voice is lower, and softer, this time, and when he speaks to you about his friends from his old school, you convince yourself it’s the most interesting topic in the world - because it is. because it’s lev.

when he stops in his tracks, you stop too, watching him go into a small trinket shop you’ve always seen but never had the means to afford to go in. you reckon you might own something from this store, though.

“haiba, you like little trinkets?” your eyes scroll through the shelves of delicate and virtually useless items, eyes landing on a small lion cub made of clear resin with a small blob of gold floating in the middle of its clear body. you’re not usually drawn to any animal trinkets, as you’ve gotten used to decorative objects like bows or feathers or lace, but today you think about the lion cub. despite it looking severely overpriced, you take it in your hand anyway, not noticing lev’s figure coming right behind you.

“do you want that one?” you yelp in surprise when he says that, turning around to find yourself so close to him you could smell the dried raindrops on his padded coat.

“i’m pretty sure it’s overpriced. trinkets are usually overpriced anyways.”

“wait, let me check it,” you hand lev the trinket, “how much is your keychain?”

you furrow your eyebrows, “what?”

“you know, the keychain on the bag you bring to school.”

“oh,” you try to remember the time you had saved up for that keychain, “i think it was about three thousand yen? it’s overpriced. definitely.”

“well, this one’s only two thousand and five hundred. i’ll get it for you.”

“wha- lev!” you whine, “you’re going to make me feel bad- wait what’s wrong?” you see the boy freeze up in front of you, a big smile creeping onto his cheeky face.

he doesn’t reply for a bit, and you’re faced with raised cheekbones and a wide mouth. you try again, “was it something i did? or said?”

“you called me lev,” oh, you did. 

now his smile spreads from ear to ear, and it’s spreading to you. “you never call me lev.”

“huh, well.” you bite the inside of your mouth, “i guess now i do.”

it’s enough for you to let him spend over two thousand yen on a single trinket. you watch as he waits for the trinket to be wrapped neatly in pretty paper and put in a pink cardboard bag, its motif pretty enough to be its own product in the store. 

you stand by the doorframe of the store, mouth ready to open with the words ‘i’ll pay you back’. but it seems like lev had heard you from the future, and before you could do anything, he tells you, “don’t pay me back. this is my gift to you.”

“for exams?”

he grins. “you know, lev means lion in russian.”

the bell of the store rings as you two make your way out, this time really going back to the station. you answer with a ‘really?’ at his fun fact but you keep it to yourself that you’ve known ever since he first transferred and everyone had asked him about it. 

“yeah, and the thing’s a lion cub, so, it’s like you have me all the time!” 

you giggle, walking up the steps to the train platform. “you’re really something, lev.”

lev stretches his arms out, with long limbs you swear ghost your shoulder. you get that feeling again, in your hands, where you just can’t seem to understand why you want to take his hand in yours so bad, so you ask the boy if you can hold onto the bag with your trinket. lev passes it to you, and you hate how you would’ve liked for your thumb to graze over his thumb for longer. you hate it even more when he motions you onto the train, and in a blur, you take his arm, leading him to corner seats on the train. you feel your face heat up. 

ah, so that’s how it is.

now you’re conflicted. not that lev had ever made you feel uncomfortable - no, never - but you had never known how to return his obvious feelings. he would act on them, as always, and one day, as you fell asleep one day after final semester exams in the second year, leaning back into the plastic seat of a suburban tokyo metro rail (which lev thought was very dangerous), lev had muttered in the quietest and most subtle manner, ‘what do i do with my feelings?’

then, in a haze, with eyes barely open, you had moved your head from your seat to his shoulder, painting his cheeks red - dumbstruck. he thought you forgot about it the next morning, and you barely remember, so nothing happened afterwards. yet, when you think of him, you think of hues of orange peeling the sky into purple; of freshly washed school uniforms; of heads leaning on shoulders and fingers intertwined. you don’t know how to answer him.

with lev, there is chatter and laughter and blunt remarks that almost get him slapped in the face. still, there is a box, bigger than the bag your trinket is in, that contains words that you don’t think you or lev have ever said in pure daylight and wake. 

“hey, lev?”

you want to open that box.

“yeah?”

but you don’t know how to do it yet.

“the phospholipid bilayer is made up of a polar, hydrophilic area containing a phosphate group bound to glycerol, and a non-polar, lipophilic area containing fatty acids.”

lev exclaims a series of ‘oooh!’s in delight. 

“was that correct?”

“um,” lev gulps, “i think so? i mean- i think so.”

but you will open it, sooner or later, and it rings in your head when you step off the train and walk into the neighbourhood. right now, nothing is different - the air is not heavier, his eyes do not sparkle like love interests do in the movies, and you do not look through a rose-coloured lens. monday is finals, and the weekend is studying. you tell yourself this.

lev stops at your doorstep, and you almost feel a sear in your chest at the thought of him leaving for the night. 

“so, good luck with next week, y/n.”

you nod, trinket bag in your hands, “you too, lev.”

you find that your arms are opening up, a small pout on your face as lev comes to wrap his arms around you, coats shuffling against each other as you hold each other at three in the morning. 

when you pull away from the hug, you start to ramble a bit, scrambling for new topics to bring up in hopes of just a few more seconds with him - that, and trying to stop yourself from your newfound want to cup this boy’s face in your hands and kiss him square on the lips. you wonder if he would be good at kissing, and you wonder how much you’ll regret having these thoughts tomorrow. 

but even conversation dies when you know it’s getting too cold, so you bid your sweet goodbyes and promise him not to overwork; he reminds you that it’s better to do short but frequent study sessions than fewer and highly intensive ones. you nod, your boots heavy on your doorstep, the hushed sound of keys in doors slowly becoming the only sound you hear as you assume lev’s left already.

until he calls your name.

your head spins fast towards the boy, watching as he makes long strides to stand at your doorway once again, scarf prodding the tip of his nose, so close to your face. he’s red.

“during exams, or tomorrow, or studying for entrance exams- if you ever get lost-” he pants, and unties his scarf from his neck.

“you’ll find me, okay?” the scarf comfortably hangs around your neck now, covering your mouth. he pats your head twice. it’s warm - literally. 

you barely get the chance to say anything before he darts out of your house with a quick goodbye. you’re left confused, flustered, and excited at once, and this time, you think you might have the words as to why. 

you like to imagine you taste sweetness, see eyes that sparkle, and feel butterflies in your stomach. 

“it might not be so bad,” you whisper, looking down at the pretty little bag containing one unnecessarily expensive item lev had bought you.

right; you have feelings for him too. 

then you make up your mind: you’ll tell him next friday. and if your finals stand between tonight and next friday, then, all the more motivation to get through them, right?

you make sure to set an alarm for seven in the morning, kanji textbooks lined up for tomorrow. 

[rappaccini]

the quarry thoughts

so all in all i really like it.

one of the biggest problems with until dawn in hindsight was how bland the characters were. god knows we all loved them, but it was because we projected so much more complexity into them than was ever there to begin with. in the quarry, while you have those archetypes (kaitlyn = final girl, abigail = virgin, emma = mean girl, jacob = meathead jock, nick = nice jock, ryan = sensitive smart boy, dylan = class clown) they're all far more fleshed out. the characters have their analogs (kaitlyn is our sam, abi is our ashley, emma is a mix of emily and jessica, jacob is our mike, nick is somewhere between matt and chris, ryan and dylan seem to split josh's qualities) but evolve them.

ud's sexism in hindsight gets worse every year. the quarry mostly fixes all that. you can almost see where every element in ud is improved upon: instead of jessica spending the whole game naked and confused, it's jacob this time. instead of mike munroe being framed as an action hero when he's just running around the mountain like a maniac, jacob's macho man attitude causes this disaster, he makes himself look like an idiot, and he gets dragged for it by the characters AND the narrative. instead of cat fights, we get the girls supporting each other. instead of the popular guy pressuring a girl into sleeping with him, she rebuffs him no matter what. instead of the nice guy Getting The Girl, nick loses abi when he starts to wolf out. instead of the girls losing their agency when the men are in the room, kaitlyn and laura take the lead and the guys respect it. instead of pairing everyone off in straight mating pairs and defining them on that, we get same- and mixed-sex pairings that are friends, frenemies, couples, crushes, exes... variety! (also? the emma abi friendship? i love it. hurts so much if emma ends up killing her best friend while wolfed out)

the Many Endings don't feel like a copout: so many things can change based on dialogue, on exploring, on collecting, on qtes... they really mapped this out and expanded the system so well.

i love the subversion of the opening kills. one of the biggest missed opportunities in ud was beth, who only exists to be eaten by her sister and has no presence in the story or the minds of her supposed friends otherwise. eyepatch laura reminds me of that flamethrower guy beth au that made the rounds a few years ago: the opening kill girl survives, trains with the Scary But Misunderstood Local to be a monsterhunter, and returns to save her friends.

same with emma and the jessica storyline au. so many of us wished there was an option where jessica could be the one saving mike and becoming an action girl... or even being able to switch matt and em's places so jess and emily could have a moment to salvage their friendship.

all in all... yeah. so much better. these kids are people you actually want to save, who feel like they'd be bonded for life, whereas ud's characters are archetypes you project personality onto who would never speak to each other again after the night was up.

that all being said i absolutely prefer laura, ryan, kaitlyn and emma to the other counselors. for once because i just vibe with their personalities more and not bc they're the ones who are better-written, or bc i'm loving them out of spite (.... emily....).

in terms of romance... mixed bag. i really liked laura and max's relationship (travis/laura isn't my thing but i See and Support those who do ship it.... especially ted and siobhan, absolute legends), i love that emma and jacob's is treated the way it is (dump him! yes!), but.... honestly i felt no chemistry between dylan/ryan (tbh i almost expected emma and abi to be the queer couple. love their friendship... but they can also kiss) or ryan/kaitlyn or ryan/laura. i thought nick/abi was fine but uninteresting.

... .also i really dislike the ~sooo are you and mr hackett dating~ jokes shot at ryan. nah that's not funny it's weird and it doesn't even seem to lead anywhere. we couldve done w/o those

the hacketts are fun! i love the lore surrounding the family. love the big messed up werewolf lineage. and how the counselors stumble into it and fuck it all up.

..... i really don't like that there doesn't seem to be a way to save silas or kaylee.

..... and the licensed music.... nah. turn that shit off. distracting.

i love that the hag is an unreliable guide through the game. a great inversion to the psychiatrist: this one has her own motivations and is tricking you. great on replay to realize.

dialogue much improved. not too many of until dawn's iconic cheesy lines, but much more believable conversations for the most part, with only a few weird lines and readings here and there.

while i agree that it stinks that the characters all split off and don't have a Everyone Vs The Monster At The Lodge showdown like ud, i actually like much of it. unlike ud, where it feels like jess and matt were designed to die and be forgotten about, and the only characters who Truly Matter are sam and mike by the end, everyone can have a part to play in the greater story and a role in the climaxes at the hackett place and the lodge respectively.

i do agree the story just kind of... ends with no emotional moment where the characters reunite. yes that happened in ud, but given how all the characters seem like they hate each other by the end, it worked that we leave off on the police station. here it feels like we were really robbed of the characters giving each other a hug. and jumping jacob in the parking lot of the police station for the shit he pulled.

i like that the podcast was a throughline through the story as a way to exposit the hag lore, and that it circles back around in the end. collecting evidence to affect how the outside world perceives the events was a really clever move. i just also wish we could've seen the characters get closure themselves.

the werewolf concept was great! loved seeing so many different variations on who wolfs out.

all in all i'm really happy. the game is great. probably most of all because it seems supermassive really took seriously the idea of evolving their choice-based game system, and improving their narrative and character writing. i don't feel that strong fandomy itch i did with until dawn because tbh? i'm actually satisfied with the quarry as is. it's that good.

[paperpeachy]

your doopliss headcanons are very lovely, could we 🤲 have some more? xx

TY!!! i’m glad u dig em anon, i’d b glad to talk more abt my boy ! and hooo boy. this'll b a whole can of werms i hope ur ready for me to go ballz to the wallz right off the bat !! lol

👻👻

so. u know how i said before that doopliss was raised in an environment where he's not used to ppl being faithful to their passions? yes well, that's based on my personal hc that he was the lovechild of eve and podley (y'know, the twilighter mum of three and the barkeep from rogueport). to recap actual canon, the two are ex-lovers who had dreams of performing in musical theatre together (eh eh see where im going w here?) eve ended up getting into broadshroom by herself, to which podley felt like he was holding her back and decided to run away. bc he SUCKS. which just made eve drop out from the show. so yeah ! the reason why i believe doopliss to have a flippant/non-committal attitude to everything is bc of how quickly his father gave up on his mother, and how easily his mother gave up on her dreams. not to mention he would've been raised in that stuffy apartment eve mentioned. i think the idea of 'starting from the bottom' def let a sour taste in doopliss' mouth.

-

the parrot was a gift to doopliss when he was younger, but he never rlly cared abt the guy, and it got closer to eve anyway. BUT when doopliss turned into a duplighost, he ran away with the parrot to keep his name-curse functioning (like father like son)

-

doopliss is one of the ONLY bad guys mario faces that's smart enough to expect being defeated, but it doesn't mean he won't make a show out of it ! and def does not mean he's stopping there. chp 4 body swap is a product of doopliss projecting his inner drama gaze onto the game and seeing how 'the audience' will react to mario(tm)'s greatest misdirect and milking it for all its worth bc hes an asshole and we love that for him ! but ye basically, to doopliss, fun trumps attempting to win. nothing comes from trying anyway, he'd say 🤪

-

doopliss meets and starts dating mimi for a short time during the events of The Void, and they have a MESSY messy break up when he realizes she's part of a gang trying to erase the life he's so carefully cultivated. the breakup is when doopliss comes to full terms with how much he cares for where he's at in his life rn, so he takes mimi's attempts at justifying her plan V defensively.... after the void closes, they talk again and now they're literally the bestest of friends! they've seen each other at their most vulnerable, so they're super comfy w each other's rotten-ness lawl

-

he tags along w beldam bc 1) the thing he based his entire identity around just lost its meaning. and 2) he's directionless bc of that, so when the opportunity comes up to tag along w someone who (maybe?) has it together, he's like 'omg what the fuck ever' and just joins (this does not help him mentally in the long run, ofc). he's pretty messed up post-game until vivian finds him and slowly coaxes him out of his slump.

-

he has the world's most surreal experience when he's pretending to be zip toad. a successful actor? from humble beginnings? who's had a relatively easy life? huh?? the two hang out a lot post-ttyd, both being in the same industry n all, and doopliss rlly has no idea what to make of him bc like, yeah the difference in upbringing between them is refreshing and new, but he's also bitter bc he looks at the guy and doesn't know how he turned out the way he did in comparison. and it frustrates him ! bc he doesn't like coming to terms with his problems being rooted in something he apparently internalized.

[skelelephant]

You should talk about jared hopworth more 👀👀👀 we would like to hear your thoughts about him

Hey anon, I saw your ask when you sent it four days ago and was immediately paralyzed by the enormity of my feelings for this meat man but now I am HERE I am READY I have an entire fucking essay

*slams a whole stack of notes onto the table*

Alright folks it’s infodumping time (speaking of which thank u so much for this opportunity I am eternally in your debt)

I’m putting the bulk of this under the cut bc it ended up being long and I don’t want to clog people’s dashes with my Boneturner analysis hehehfhfhs

So I’ve spent a LOT of time thinking about Jared’s story bc I connected with his character in a way that I was,,, wholly unprepared for, but here we are.

I think what I love most about his whole arc is that the transformation from “regular guy” into “horrible, Bad To Look At meat monstrosity” happens at the exact same time as his transformation from “high school bully who never grew up” to “chill gardener who just wants to tend to his plants.”

Jared’s story begins as a story about having a lot of expectations put on you because of the way you are and sort of growing into those expectations because that’s all you ever hear.

I think what rlly endeared me to him was when he commented to Jon how his dad loved how he towered over people, even when he was really young. As someone who’s also been considerably taller than most of her peers and even a good number of the adults in her life since she was young, I could empathize with the experience of being touted around and shown off bc you’re more than what you should be at that age. It leaves awkwardly large shoes to fill from a person that doesn’t exist outside of people’s perception of you, but you still find yourself struggling to fill them all the same. (Maybe that’s me projecting a little but I think it makes sense with Jared given how we know he ends up.)

And so with Jared, I think the positive emphasis on his physical appearance contrasted with intellectual and emotional pursuits being negative, (Sebastian did say he’d always been “thick as mud”,) I think the fact that he put the most stock in his physical abilities and based his self-worth around being bigger and stronger than everyone around him was really a self-fulfilling prophecy in terms of how he turned out.

Which brings us to his supernatural elements. Jared basing his entire self-worth around his physical strength and the power he could lord over others made him an ideal candidate for the Flesh. He gained a power that allowed him to take from others and make himself stronger for it, basically amplifying his already aggressive and destructive tendencies.

But underneath the obvious benefits, the Boneturner’s Tale gave Jared a way forward.

When Jon takes Jared’s statement in the Spiral’s corridors, Jared talks about trying to look ahead and see some sort of future for himself, but everything that had sustained him up until that point had stopped, and he was faced with the unpleasant reality that he had nowhere to go. His one actual friend had gone off to university without him and had moved on with his life, but Jared was still stuck.

The Boneturner’s Tale solved that problem for him and gave him a purpose, (thought he ended up being mostly self-serving.) Jared himself even admits that he doesn’t know what would’ve happened to him if he hadn’t gotten the book from Sebastian.

And then, after a life of meat crimes and bone stealing, we find Jared Hopworth in a garden.

And I cannot fucking TELL YOU how much I’ve thought about the significance of Jared’s domain being a garden.

Throughout his life, both pre and post-Flesh avatar, Jared’s used destruction and intimidation to preserve his self worth. He “wrecked” his high school, he only had one friendship ever that wasn’t built entirely off of fear (and he killed Seb himself,) and he only ever used his Boneturning abilities to hurt and kill those around him. (Even the people in the gym ended up being intimidated by Jared, so you can’t really count them as friends.)

But his domain isn’t the meat processing plant we see later on, or the endless butcher shop, or even a bigger version of the gym— it’s the Mortal Garden.

A place where Jared is actively nurturing the plants under his care. (I use those words loosely, of course, we all know what it was.) That in itself demonstrates how Jared’s intentions have shifted.

And the characterization in his interaction with Jon and Martin also goes to show just how much Jared’s changed over the course of his time as the Boneturner. Jared knows Jon’s going to kill him, and at first it seems as though he’s going to resort back to his old ways and fight Jon using brute force.

But then Martin asks him to stop.

Martin, who by all accounts is exactly the kind of person who Jared would’ve looked down on before as someone weaker than himself.

Martin, who is entirely smaller than Jared’s monstrous body and just does not measure up in the skewed point of view that Jared used to look at the world from.

(For the record, I don’t think Martin’s weak. I think he’s a very kickass man and I love him sm. This is just me looking at him through Jared POV so it’s a little toxic oops—)

But the point of that scene is that Jared does stop. And while he probably holds no respect for Martin, he does listen to him in the end.

And I just keep thinking about how pre-Boneturner Jared wouldn’t have backed down from that fight. His pride and his self-worth being attached to being the biggest and the strongest wouldn’t have allowed him to accept that he was outmatched. If Jared truly kept the same mindset he had at the beginning of his story he would’ve died trying to kill Jon and Martin before Jon got him, and he would’ve lost.

But instead he asks to hear about his garden, and before he dies his last thoughts are of what will happen to it after he’s gone.

Hshdhfhdhsha so that’s it!! Cheers to you if you actually read this whole thing bc honestly there’s probably very few people who actually care enough about Jared Hopworth to read a whole character analysis about him. Honestly I’m just happy to have an excuse to talk about him bc I love this horrible meaty man so so much and if he’s only remembered by that one comment about Martin being Jon’s boyfriend I will perish

[mousehole5000]

okay im rewriting tgcf (only in my head im lazy) here are my notes on hua/lian specifically this is long bc fuck it. major spoilers obviously and same trigger warnings as the content of the book

disclaimer disclaimer disclaimer that i dont know anything about the cultural background of anything in tgcf or story tropes etc etc this is just I Think It Would Be Neat If..

there’s not really any reason to keep hc as a kid in the backstory BUT in the story in the intro (which i like narratively) it still says that it was a child who xie lian caught. it’s one of those things that got added to the legend to make xie lian seem even more noble, there are also probably a few other inaccuracies in the intro that get found out as the story progresses. in actuality hc was kind of a known troublemaker to the city guards or whatever or had been in the past. maybe his mother just passed after a long illness and his tumble off the wall was intentional. either way he’s kind of pissed at xie lian for saving him. xie lian is concerned about his health so he has to stay at the palace for a while he recovers and only interacts with xie lian a few times. there is a point where he says out loud all the things about the divide between the rich and the poor that have been illustrated by the scenes with mu qing. feng xin tells him to shut up but mq goes dead silent bc he kind of agrees but can’t say and does have his loyalty to xie lian (its a whole thing) and the resentment begins

also i think young hc’s personality is similar to his personality in the present but a bit more reserved and he’s got like this plucky streak or something. also he is unquestionably gay

anyway hc sneaks out of the palace and xie lian catches him obviously but they have a brief little heart to heart where xie lian is like “look you can go if you want here take this money food” etc and demonstrates that he has actually listened to what hc has to say and hc is like “wow no one other than my mom has ever listened to me in my life so thats what that feels like i kind of like it” and he probably is a bit awestruck by xie lian in different ways and after that is like “okay this kingdom sucks but.. that guys not so bad”

sad ironic sense that if xie lian hadnt ascended until he was older he may have actually be able to do something about the problems in the kindgom but alas we have a cycle to perpetuate

the “take me as the meaning of your life” scene still happens p much the same but xl doesnt recognize hc who is actually now at his lowest point. hc tried to find ways to make things better for people like him but he simply did not succeed (maybe his were efforts quashed by the corrupt authorities? its implied probably) and he’s more disillusioned with the kingdom and life than ever but still is holding on to those memories of xie lian as proof that it doesnt have to be like this but that thread is slipping until!! whose fucking voice is that??? thats right its the one person you ever believed was truly good and went and proved you right by ascending to the heavens at age 17!!! guess its time to stan him forever

anyway hc joins the army but legally or whatever and tbh i would have hated the flower cave scene regardless of anything i just hate any sort of s*x pollen trope or anything so thats gone (they can have a wound tending scene or something tho thats the good shit) and instead we have HL getting overwhelmed by some other demons or something together and xie lian protects hc and they both get injured very badly (maybe hc would lose a limb but im not sure how that would work once hes a ghost so thats on hold for now until i figure it out) and xl is fine but this situation ends up being part of why mq kicks hc out of the army but yes hc still ends up dying on the battlefield anyway </3

the wuming stuff is the same i think but also at some point xl is despairing and says something about that guy he saved from falling and wonders what happened to him and fire ghost wuming is like !!!!! (wait does this happen in canon? honestly it should)

in mount tong’lu i was tempted to actually have hc have a similar moment to the bamboo hat scene with the humans who are trapped in there but im not sure if i just want it to be the same as xie lian’s story... also i like the idea of hc needing to hang onto his devotion to get through his first few centuries of being a ghost so maybe he’s just inspired by xie lian’s sacrifice with the sword and the souls and thats why he claws his own eye out as a sacrifice

so this can go one of two ways from here!!! both are me projecting hardcore so take them with a grain of salt im not saying im right about the way relationships should be these a re just my thoughts <3

1. (the not fun one but it still has a happy ending) the story more or less continues the same as canon. pure and simple devotion is what carries hc through the centuries. we get to see some ghost city antics and its fun but there is nothing complicated about the devotion hc just wants to find xl and protect him. hualian eventually meet. they get along pretty well!! eventually there are cracks. when you hold someone in your mind for so long you have expectations for them that no person can meet consistently. hc thinks that since he’s seen xl during the worst time in his life that he can handle anything but it turns out that as amazing as xl is, he is also just a person and sometimes he is wrong or irrational or annoying. xl is so happy to have someone who will listen to him talk that he kind of neglects to really get to know who hc is as a person and hc is kind of like “huh i didnt expect this but im kind of hurt. i genuinely thought that i just wanted to serve and protect you but actually im my own person and this is weird” but he doesnt say anything he thinks he has to stick to his promise and it gets kind of uncomfortable!! maybe his luck goes haywire bc his faith gets rocked for the first time ever and they end up having to talk it out but their relationship is stronger for it <3

2. (i think this one is fun) hc struggles with waiting. he does it but its hard. he has doubts and when all his efforts to find xl are fruitless he starts to grow bitter and curses the day that xl saved him. his faith burns low but doesnt go out. then ghost city!! hc realizes that he can finally help people like him, even if theyre ghosts now and hes grateful for the chance to do this and grateful to xl and resigns himself to waiting. but its still hard!! he realizes that his luck is tied to his devotion and gets kind of pissed about it!!! he tries to remember all the good things about xl but its hard!!! his search becomes more about repaying a debt so he can be free than anything else, he just wants to help the common people spirits with no strings attached (this actually allows him to keep his luck bc he has the same wish as xl and thats what makes him a true believer!! is this corny? does it make sense? i dont care) and so eventually when he finds xl he’s like okay how quickly can i repay this debt/how can i keep my powers but then xie lian is... so good... and hc actually really likes him he remembers why he swore his devotion in the first place. now hes conflicted!!! dont worry they fall in love tho <3

wow this was really long if you read this hiiiii. anyway when i reread ill try to pay more attention to yin yu and he xuan for hc’s 800 years. hua cheng we’re gonna get you some friends and lore i swear to god

[chut-je-dors]

im sorry but i kinda disagree with your stance on this whole John and Paul who is the sub/bottom debate. It’s not right for you to keep saying how paul being a dom is canon bc none of us know how paul was/is in bed and we can’t just look at his personality and make that determination. imo that’s just as harmful as assuming he’s a sub based on his looks. also you’re kind of projecting a sub role onto John based on those same things (looks and perceived personality) which is a bit hypocritical (1)

(CONT)

I agree sometimes sexism seems to fuel people’s portrayal of paul in fics but at the end of the days it’s just fiction and none of us actually know j or p so it actually shouldn’t matter what people write them as or even why they do it (we shouldn’t project a motive into people and assume intention). I hope this didn’t come across as harsh or curt or mean. I really love your blog and your writing but i just didn’t agree with your take. Have a great day/night ❤️ (2)

Ooooh yeah I definitely agree with the whole “none of us know” thing. you can’t look at canon john and paul and say “these dudes are this and that” cos you don’t KNOW. for me the fandom is all about having fun, writing fics and stuff, and it’s fun to speculate about these guys! so when i said in the post that john is the subbiest sub it’s the same as puck going “paul got pegged by linda and that is a FACT, CHANGE MY MIND”, and then we laugh. we mean this stuff as in “hoho, imagine if! haha. would be wild. heheh.”, y’kno?? whereas in fact WE DON’T KNOW, 

what spurred that particular post was that one specific type of fics where you have people being born into sub and dom roles and the society having like, idk, rules for them i guess?, and then somehow those fics at least seemed to have paul as the sub by definition (haven’t looked at ao3 that closely in a year, so this could’ve changed by now) -- which seems weird to me cos if you’re aiming for at least a SOMEWHAT accurate characterisation of john lennon and paul mccartney (never truly accurate, no matter how close you seem to get, cos WE DONT KNOW, haha), it’d be odd for john to NOT be the sub at least ONCE, since i see his “canon” personality traits being more easily modified into the role of a sub. (not saying paul doesn’t have those traits!!! it’s just, when it’s nearly  always him... i fear it’s abt the same thing as him traditionally being the bottom based on his looks) personally i think both would’ve been switches, but again, i can’t know that

idk if i’m explaining myself well here, but that is what the post was. i know i didn’t specify a lot in it and that’s on me, but at the same time i nEVER thoUGHT PEOPLE WOULD LIKE, ACTUALLY START A WHOLE DISCOURSE ABOUT IT. IT WAS JUST ME OBSERVING THINGS ALOUD IN THE VOID SO,,, help

as predominantly an au writer i’m all about exploring different scenarios, the “hey, wouldn’t it be cool if.../what would happen if.../what would they be like if...”. so if you got paul as the sub, cool! if you got john as the sub, cool! it’s when different authors all seem to go for the same scenario, repeatedly, without considering doing it the other way around (been a problem with bottom!paul... with sub!paul... macho!john, girly!paul...) when i start questioning it a little. ultimately it’s the author’s own choice what to do with the characters and how to build their personality. but i think furthering that perception of their characters into, say, switching the traditional roles around, is much more fun in the end, and brings some fresh air into the fandom.

basically, the more diversity there is, the more people will be attracted by the fandom, thus the fandom grows, the diversity grows, rinse and repeat. and the well-being of this fandom is one of my main priorities, because being in this fandom is so much fun and it’s so dear to me, that i’d hate to see it wither away (hence the whole... library... thing, to support the authors). so i attempt to give a little nudge to the authors to think of the possibilities as well.

(like... the whole ten minutes fic started from the idea “hey, what if john was the prostitute for once”, cos you have so many fics with paul as the prostitute, and... not that many with john, at least back then, whereas i feel that from the two of them, semi-realistically speaking, considering what we know of their real personalities and looking at their actions... john might be the one to go for that sort of thing for fun, re: the whole 70′s pushing the boundaries of his sexuality. again.... just, diversity. both. both is good.)

so. um, long story short, you’re right and i agree with all your points? hahah

thanks for the ask tho!!! don’t worry about sounding mean, this was a really polite and good ask, thank you! i really do hope i managed to... at least shed some light into my thought process? you can disagree with everything i wrote of course, that’s completely fine! or if there’s something that was left unclear, or you feel confused by something, just send an ask and i’ll do my best to answer it. sometimes i say things “wrong” or can’t express my thoughts well, (which is apparently part of the ADHD gig), so rlly, don’t hesitate to tell me if there’s still something bugging you!!

[edwardsvirginity]

a short(er) twilight-themed guide to my dissertation on memes

for anyone who wants to know why and how i wrote 8k words of academic theory on memes, but doesn’t actually want to read 8k words of academic theory on memes

so to begin with, a meme is really hard to define. this part is pretty boring if you don’t care about linguistics, so just take my word for it. i ask a lot of questions like “is a meme still a meme if” (no one shares it, no one makes different versions of it, there’s no standard format for it) and the answer is “sometimes! but we can’t tell you when!” and i also ask “how do you know when you’re looking at a meme?” to which the answer is “you just do! except when you don’t. that happens too.”

so basically, memes are like porn, you know them when you see them

then i talk about why it’s hard to study memes. this is fairly obvious if you think about it. imagine trying to find out the source of a random meme. and then every iteration of that meme anyone has ever made. then how popular each iteration got. how one iteration inspired another. how many times each iteration is reposted by someone else without credit. THEN, attempt to do that for every meme in existence. actually, just try and get a definitive count of how many memes exist. then, realizing that’s impossible, attempt to choose a “random” selection of memes to study not influenced by your personal online world. attempt to study memes that you don’t even know exist bc they don’t exist within your highly-customized online world. basically, memes are a rabbit hole and i don’t even pretend to do any sort of formal semi-comprehensive study, because i do not hate myself.

ok, moving on. i’m actually trying to write this post based on what I remember from my dissertation, which i haven’t reread in... a while. but i like to think i have a fairly good grasp of it bc i wrote it.

so basically the most important part about memes is that they function on at least 2 levels. let’s say there’s an active level and a passive level. the active level is the conversation you THINK you’re having when engaging with a meme. the clearly stated point/idea of the meme. the passive level is all the assumptions a meme is making in the background that, if you are not actively challenging, you are endorsing.

let’s see some examples.

this is a meme *i* made, so i’m gonna put myself on blast here

So the active level of this meme is the text/the point i’m trying to make, which is basically that bella is horny. but like, so horny that she’s willing to throw everything else in her life under the bus for some sexual satisfaction. i feel like this is fairly clear and most people interacting with the meme would consider that what the meme is about. we’re having a conversation about bella’s insatiable thirst for sparkling penis when we engage with this meme. 

sort of an in-between level that provides us with further information about the point i’m trying to make is context for the meme/meme format. this meme format is about someone choosing between a good thing and a bad thing. they’ve got the good thing, but they’re tempted by/indulging in the bad thing anyway. it’s fairly reasonable to come to the conclusion that i’m judging bella, when you combine the meme context with the actual text. i’m not only interpreting bella’s behavior here (she eschews her loved ones for sexual gratification), i’m also giving it moral value, labeling yeeting herself onto that dick = bad, building/maintaining relationships with friends and family = good. however, if you’re not familiar with this meme and it’s format, the fact that i’m throwing shade at bella is less clear, even if you understand how i’m interpreting her behavior. 

now on to the passive level of the meme. this meme makes some ASSUMPTIONS, and in engaging with the meme you’re validating those assumptions as “how this thing is/how the world works”. so here are a FEW of the assumptions this meme makes: 1. this is a man with his girlfriend checking out another girl. 2. the girlfriend is angry/jealous of her boyfriend expressing interest in another woman 3. everyone in this photo is heterosexual 4. men are always checking out other women/otherwise unfaithful, and this is normal/funny 5. this “couple” is monogamous 6. the “boyfriend” is relatable and we understand and condone his actions 7. maintaining a relationship with the “girlfriend” is a good decision and pursuing the girl in red would be a bad one

these assumptions might seem fairly clear, obvious, and straightforward, but they are ultimately, assumptions. we know NOTHING about the people in this photo and are projecting relationships on them. and clearly, we’re projecting some pretty intense gender and relationship roles on to them. and it’s necessary to accept those gender and relationship roles as “truth” long enough to understand the meme, because otherwise the meme wouldn’t make any sense, because the person who made it (me) made it with the understanding that you would be operating with the same set of assumptions about these people and their relationships as I am. understanding of what i’m trying to say with this meme is dependent on understanding and accepting the assumptions i’m handing you with it. 

and again, these ARE assumptions. take away the text, and there could be plenty of things going on in this photo. it’s possible none of these people are in romantic relationships, and this is a guy with his friend/family member, and they like to hold hands. this guy could be whistling at a dog he sees on the sidewalk because he wants to pet it, and the girl in blue is mad because they’re in a hurry. the girl in red could be his ACTUAL girlfriend, whose self esteem he’s boosting, and the girl in blue could be some random girl who wants his attention. this could be a couple in an open relationship, but the girlfriend is in the middle of an argument with this guy about something else. the guy could have shoulder checked the girl in red and is looking back to say sorry, and the girl in blue is mad bc shoulder checking this poor girl was a rude af thing to do. 

the reason why we don’t think any of those things ^^ upon seeing this meme is bc we live in the patriarchy. however, unfortunately, by sharing this meme uncritically, we’re also reinforcing the passive ideas within it, that men are unfaithful and it’s no big deal, that women are always competing with each other, that heterosexuality and monogamy are standard and correct. 

let’s look at another meme.

i didn’t make this one, i found it on a really cringy list of (old) twilight memes

active level of this meme: kristen stewart never smiles

in-between context level: this is the “most interesting man in the world” meme, where, bc he’s so interesting, he rarely has time to do normal things, and when he does them, he does them in a weird way. so according to this meme, kristen rarely smiles, and when she does, she does it in a weird way

passive level: kristen stewart SHOULD smile, and the fact that she doesn’t is weird/bad. WHY she doesn’t smile, and WHY she should, is left to viewer interpretation, but the implication is she’s doing something wrong. this meme wants you to fill in the blanks with the idea that kristen stewart is a bad actress because she doesn’t smile. it also reinforces the idea that women are SUPPOSED to smile and not be serious all the time. you could even go so far as to assume this meme is condemning bella’s character as a whole for being overdramatic and not smiling, playing into the narrative that women are hysterical and get upset about things that aren’t a big deal, and we shouldn’t take them seriously. personally, i think kristen’s acting in twilight was spot-on and super nuanced, and it was true to bella’s character that she didn’t smile often. i also think that kristen as a person smiles a reasonable amount and is only criticized for not smiling bc ppl so heavily associate her with bella. but if i were to share this meme uncritically, i wouldn’t just be reaffirming the (false) idea that kristen stewart doesn’t smile, i would also be reinforcing the idea that women SHOULD smile all the time, kristen is a bad actress, and bella is a bad character. i could go further into the sexism of all that but this is already long. 

HOW DID I GET AWAY WITH WRITING ABOUT THIS FOR MY MASTERS DEGREE?? 

basically, while you think you’re engaging in a conversation on one level with memes, you’re actually engaging in a lot of conversations. when it comes to political memes, often the “passive” levels of the memes come with a lot of ideas about how the world is or should work, which you reinforce when engaging with those memes. these passive assumptions shape the conversations we’re having, and the kind of policies we’re willing to support. memes come encoded with opinions on gender, relationships, race, sexuality, class, etc, and and make declarations about how these things DO or SHOULD work, shaping our own personal understanding of them. a meme that makes donald trump look stupid is advocating for different policies/political decisions than one that makes him look dangerous. and if all of our memes about trump focus on him looking stupid, we put more political effort into addressing that problem than the problem that he’s dangerous. memes can be used to challenge norms/question widely accepted ideas (here’s an example i literally just made):

but they can also be used to help people internalize ideas/messages that they wouldn’t be willing to accept uncritically if those ideas were presented in a different format. sometimes this is good, if you use memes to help people internalize good messages, like self-love. however, unfortunately in recent years this has mostly been used to radicalize lonely men, who internalize increasingly more hateful assumptions in memes and don’t realize that they’re doing it, because those messages are not explicit. just look at how pepe became a hate symbol. if you laugh at enough memes that operate on the assumption that women are sluts, you’re gonna start believing women are sluts, and are gonna be more likely to laugh at memes that imply that women are bad because they’re slutty, then that since they’re bad they don’t deserve rights, etc. 

basically, memes shape our understanding of how the world works because they make assumptions about how the world works that we have to agree with in order to understand the meme. when these assumptions involve identities or politics, they affect how we understand those things, and what conversations we have about them.

and that’s basically my dissertation on memes, minus a lot of other discussions about pop culture, humor, and group formation. 

any questions??

[seoulscenarios]

College AU! Lee Felix

We’re finally on the home stretch, the end is near for this series!! thank you for the immense amount of support you guys are giving us it means the world xxx

-Major: Musical Theatre

-Minor: none, he has no time outside of rehearsals

-Sports: the same martial arts club as Woojin but he specialises in taekwondo, he’s the college’s star taekwondo player and even won them several medal in the nation championships he like a god on campus tbh,, also plays soccer but isn’t officially part of the team bc he has too many other commitments with his course though sometimes they do call him up if they’re in DIRE need of a player

-Clubs: film club, just bc he likes to watch films and listen to other people’s opinion of films tbh (and he can take naps if the film is boring lmao), is also the deputy of the musical theatre society so he has a lot of power of what musicals they covered

-Felix for the last time we’re NOT doing Wicked and if we ever did I point blank REFUSE to cast you as Glinda bc you are a “cute blonde”

-But pleeaaaaaaase I’ll do more vocal training!

-Felix NO, Glinda is a soprano and you struggle to hit even the alto notes most days

-ONE CHANCE

-NO

-Felix chose to do musical theatre bc it combines his love of singing and dancing and being completely over the top,, like have you ever seen a musical at least one character wasn’t kinda over the top

-When he was a kid his parents took him to see The Lion King and he was in awe of it that he decided that he wanted to be in musical theatre ever since then

-At first, he helped out backstage with props, makeup, costume etc. during his school years and it wasn’t until his first year of high school that the director encouraged him to actually audition

-Everyone was extremely shocked that the deep voiced backstage genius could actually sing extremely well,,, like who’d have thought that

-Whilst he wasn’t the best singer he still got cast in a supporting role and he had the time of his life,,, now he got to experience what the actors did when he put them through stuff and he even did his own damn makeup as well during rehearsals

-So yeah up until he graduated Felix went to star in other musicals put on by his school and by his last year he was finally made principal role and he was all big smiles when the cast list went up and he was beaming for days and went into rehearsals with a fully learned script that was all highlighted and sticky notes on the front with potential prop/costume/makeup ideas on he’s just a wholesome boy

-Tho nothing prepared him for the sheer STRESS of being the main character as well as helping out the younger kids, organising props and costumes AND choreographing (can confirm this is the worst and happened to me, it was HELL)

-So yeah, Felix loved musical theatre and was pretty much accepted straight away onto the college course bc of his bright personality and beautiful voice, not to mention he was pretty much an all rounder when it came to the industry so they were delighted to accept him

-However,,, felix missed the accommodation deadline so ended up messaging all the college facebook boards asking if anyone was looking for a flatmate or house share,,, it was chan who saw this and was like yes my son pls join me

-Chan and Felix have this weird father/son/best friend dynamic, like chan would always pack Felix with a lunchbox and water bc he knew that Felix would forget especially when he was rushing round bc he was nearly late for dance class but they also played video games and had wrestling matches in their dorm for ??? no reason ??

-One time Woojin walked in on them arm wrestling and he was like ??? is that how friendship is formed in Australia ??? how bizarre before helping himself to snacks as Felix lost and decided to flip Chan over taekwondo style and Woojin just watched as he munched on some Cheetos or something

-It was just a bit weird but they had come to accept it,,, besides Felix loved being looked after bc it meant he didn’t have to cook food or anything bc chan really enjoyed it lmao

-Felix’s favourite class by far was his dance class

-He was one of the star dancers of the group and loved to help out to choreograph routines for literally every dance number

-Like,, u need ballet for At The Ballet from A Chorus Line??? He’s got you covered. Jazz sequence for West Side Story? He got you COVERED

-He’s just a very talented boy,, though he admits that he may not be the best technically bc he hasn’t received formal dance training whilst at high school he just had the ability to pick up the dance quickly and wasn’t afraid to ask for help when he needed it

-Hell, he even dragged Minho after he finished class one day so he could get pointers on where  he could improve and Minho was like,,, fine but pls buy me coffee I’m DYING (yes Minho does have a coffee addiction,, it’s a problem tbh)

-Felix was an extremely talented kid but he got all shy whenever someone complimented his dancing, or his acting but ESPECIALLY his singing

-Bc even to this day,, he was still nervous about singing

-Like he knew he could sing,,, but in comparison to some of the other people on his course he wasn’t exactly the most confident in his singing ability

-He often went to the music practice rooms so he could practice his songs over and over again until his throat was sore and chan had to make him honey and lemon tea when he got back from practice

-Please protect this soft boy

-Also,,, you KNOW that the boys were his biggest fans whenever he was in shows

-His first project performance happened and he managed to get all of his friends tickets on the front row (how he did this was unknown to literally everyone bc it’s practically impossible)

-He was extremely nervous bc his friends had never seen him perform in a musical before and it was his FIRST college performance how could he not be nervous

-The project was a piece celebrating the different genres and songs from iconic musicals and Felix was the centre for the Rent portion

-(But can you just imagine Felix in Mark’s red and blue knitted sweater and wearing circle glasses whilst he dances to La Vie Boheme??? Okay it would be the best thing ever convince me otherwise)

-He needn’t have been worried bc as soon as he stood on stage and the music kicked in, he was Mark Cohen singing about the death of Bohemia and jumping around the stage like he was born to be there

-He doesn’t remember much of that performance bc he was whisked off stage to prepare for another song but he does remember how the audience (read: the boys) screamed his name as he ran off stage

-The rest of the show went incredibly well and as he came out for his bow, he saw Chan wiping a stray tear as Jeongin laughed at him and Felix had to stop himself from feeling the urge of crying bc his hyung was

-They waited for him as he collected all of his belongings from backstage, too lazy to wipe his makeup off figuring he could just do it home

-When he stepped into the auditorium, all 8 of them pulled him to a bone crushing hug for a good 5 minutes before he literally had to push them off him so he could BREATHE

-Chan pulled him for one more hug, mumbling into his neck about how proud he was of Felix and damn,,, Felix nearly started crying

-It wasn’t until Chan was prompted to let go off him so they could give him his flowers (Changbin claims he was coerced into it when he gave them to him but u know that he went and sought out the best flower shop the day before so they could get the flower bouquet ready for the next day uwu)

-Felix laughed when Changbin handed over the smile and just tapped his cheek, tilting it towards Changbin

-Changbin BLUSHED like hell before giving Felix a peck on the cheek

-Felix would like to go on record to say no he did not squeal happily when Seo Changbin kissed his cheek thank you that is a LIE

-Anyway all the other boys just hollered at them except Minho and Jeongin bc,,, affection??? No thank u

-After they had their little celebration, Chan and Woojin announced that they were taking them out for bbq bc of how well Felix performed and they all whooped in excitement, honestly thrilled that mum and dad were taking them out for food

-Jisung, walking to the bbq place: thank every deity under the sun I’ve not eaten a proper meal since I left home 4 months ago

-Minho: well, this might be your last

-Jisung: :O

-Minho: :)

-Legend has it that the 9 boys who entered the restaurant nearly fully cleared out the entire restaurant’s kitchen but it has yet to be confirmed, reports say, stay tuned in to see if it ever does (hint: it doesn’t)

-Your first meeting with Felix is very different and honestly, you wish to erase it from your memory

-You were part of the musical theatre department, focusing on the backstage aspect with particular focus on lighting and sound

-You knew of Felix, bc how could you not, but you never worked with him beyond getting prompts from the director as to when to light him or turn his mic on

-As much as Felix wanted to go and meet all the backstage crew when they were practicing all together it just wasn’t feasible bc he could not justify running to the sound box just to say hi right in the middle of practice

-And he didn’t have any time in between classes bc your classes were on at the same time as his

-The only time he got to at least have some form of greeting was when he waved at you so you could see what he looks like for your lighting cues

-Felix was sad bc he wanted to say hi and wish everyone good luck for the upcoming performance but he couldn’t as he was rushed off his feet with rehearsals and class bless his soul

-After the performance finished, some of the practical course students asked the backstage crew if they’d like to go to karaoke once they had tidied up

-Everyone agreed, tho u weren’t actually there bc you were in the lightbox above the stage but once you got there all your friends were like !!!!!! Y/N THEY INVITED US TO KARAOKE YOU HAVE TO COME

-You just rolled your eyes and let yourself be dragged towards the karaoke rooms

-At first, you were a bit awkward bc you had never hung out with the actual musical theatre kids as you mainly stuck with ur lighting crew buddies but you were willing to give them a chance

-The first few songs were a little bit serious and you were kinda bored so you went up to the machine and were like “let’s liven up the place a bit”

-Well it was at this point that Felix walked into the room, late bc he was going through some notes with the director, and saw you on top of the table screaming your lungs out to American Idiot whilst everyone screamed along with you

-Well Felix wasn’t one to ignore a party esp when Green Day was playing so he grabbed the other microphone from Jihyo’s hand and began to scream along with you

-You grinned, grabbing his hand and pulling him onto the table with you

-The two of you jammed out and nearly broke it but honestly,,, it was worth it bc you got to hear Felix’s beautiful laugh for yourself uwu

-When the song finished the two of you were just stood on the table panting and grinning wildly at each other before he hopped off and offered you his hand so you could get off the table my HEART

-Felix pulled you over to the sofa and introduced himself to you

-“I’m Felix, musical theatre student”

-“I’m Y/N, also a musical theatre student but not practical, I work backstage but you would probably find me in the lighting box or the sound booth”

-“OH I remember you, you did the lighting for the dance performance today right?” he asked excitedly

-“Yes I did” you couldn’t help but grin back at him,,, bc hello is smile is beautiful and contagious as hell!!!

-The two of you chatted as best as you could over the sound of Jihyo and Youngjae crooning another love song down the microphones

-You just shook your head, gesturing Felix over to the machine so he could pick a new song

-Well,,, he interrupted the love fest and the sound of Wonderwall bled through the speakers and you started crying in laughter as Felix introduced the song “so anyway here’s Wonderwall”

-The two of you did a very dramatic re-enactment of the song and Felix couldn’t help but smile when you were basically screaming down the microphone during the chorus

-Your friends just watched in part hate,,, bc hello its Wonderwall and part admiration bc how the hell could two people who have only just met do such an in-sync performance of a well hated song????

-Magic, Youngjae told Jaebum as they both watched in disgust as you threw yourselves across the room in some form of contemporary dance??? Youngjae definitely didn’t know what he was witnessing but he wasn’t sure he liked it

-So anyway the night ends with relatively few casualties, only one broken glass that Dowoon  managed to cut himself on and Jae somehow managed to lose his voice???? But other than that,,, it was a fun night

-As people parted ways, Felix noticed you walking the other way and he quickly ran after you throwing goodbyes to whoever was left

-“HEY Y/N WAIT UP!”

-You whipped around, not expecting Felix to be running after you

-Like,, wtf?

-You waited for Felix to catch up with you before you asked him why he ran after you

-“I just,,,, wanted to make sure you got home safely and besides I live this way too so I thought we could walk together!”

-You just smiled at his bright response and the two of you walked back to your accommodation talking about literally every topic under the sun

-He told you all about Australia and his flatmate Chan

-Don’t tell anyone but Chan is actually CB97 from 3RACHA

-You mean the underground rap group that is supposedly made up 3 college students

-The very same

-DUDE THAT’S SO COOL YOU HAVE TO SNEAK ME IN ONE DAY I’VE BEEN TRYING FOR MONTHS YOU KNOW

-Let me into the lighting box and consider it done

-You have a deal Felix pleasure doing business with you

-(felix pulls through a few weeks later and the two of jam just a little too hard and seungmin is extremely embarrassed to say that he knew the two of you)

-As it turns out, you live in the same apartment block as Felix and he actually walked you to your flat just so he could make sure you got home safely n u were like,,,, mate it’s a bit too much but okay

-Felix began to walk away as you unlocked your door before you heard footsteps approach you and you quickly turned around, brandishing your keys in the assailants’ face

-The assailant, however, was Felix who just looked at you in shock before laughing

-“Well, least I know you’re capable of defending yourself haha”

-“You asshole oh my god you scared me what do you want from me?”

-“Your number”

-O H

-Felix was very straightforward huh, you thought as he took his phone out of his pocket and handed it you

-You punched in your number and handed it back to him

-All the while, Felix was just smiling at you bc HECK he found you cute

-Ever since that night you and Felix became fast friends and yes, you did let him into the lighting box and teach him how to operate the basics bc Felix was hella interested in all aspects of musical theatre not just being on the stage

-You admired that quality about him bc many of the other students just took lighting and sound for granted and just tapped their foot impatiently as you configured the mic pack to the sound booth before handing it to them

-Not Felix though

-He would make conversation with you and even let you secure his microphone properly and you won’t lie that you felt yourself getting a little flustered as you hooked the mic round his ears and as you pulled back to see if it needed adjusting he was just smiling softly at you

-HECK

-Felix found you super cute when you were concentrating and he got distracted once as you were fixing the lights on stage than Jihyo had to literally smack the back of his head bc he was too focused on you lmao

-In his spare time he often begged you to let him see your notes for lighting and sound bc he was genuinely curious and wanted to see if he could figure out what all the codes were

-You just threw the script at him and told him to stop pestering you or else you would stop stocking up on timtams

-Felix never did pester you again, his love of timtams got the better of him

-So yeah,, you and Felix were hella close now

-You even found yourself going on “dates” (that’s what your friends called them, dismissing your protests claiming it was just a friends thing) with him

-And by dates, I mean the two of you went shopping together and had dinner afterwards, going to coffee shops and hell you even let Felix practice new makeup on you so he could improve his skills

-Felix,,, why the hell have you literally painted my whole damn face with cat features!

-We’re studying CATS okay let me LIVE

-I know for a fact you’re not bc literally yesterday you told me that your focus in class at the moment was Starlight Express and the last time I checked,,, that was about trains and people on roller skates not CATS

-You,,,, you’ve got me there I’m sorry

-Anyway,, before you knew it you found yourself falling hopelessly for Felix

-It didn’t help that you were preparing for the final musical of the year and you were practically assigned to work with Felix

-(You can bet your right sock that the rest of the lighting crew were in on this as they snickered whenever you were testing a new microphone with Felix and you began to blush, causing Felix to ask you if you were feeling okay and your crew were like GET IT Y/N)

-Little did you know that Felix was crushing on you as well bc well,,, everything you did was a distraction and he found himself thinking about you practically every day

-His class mates had noticed and told the lighting crew and they were like UGH FINALLY YOU NOTICED and they made a betting pool to see who would confess first

-Most bets were on Felix tbh, he was a loud outgoing kid so he probably had more guts do it than you

-Only a few lone members of the lighting crew stayed loyal to you bc they had a hunch you would confess at the end of the show

-Ah the show,,,

-It’s always stressful preparing for the show and Felix had ended up with the part of Enjolras in their production of Les Miserables

-The two of you were rushed off your feet bc the rehearsal process was actual HELL and it was hell both on stage and offstage

-Like Felix had to learn a whole new type of musical, with very little dance in it, and he was stressed bc he didn’t think he was doing a good job of portraying his character

-Whilst you,,, had the horrible task of designing lighting for an entire show (how you had ended up with that horrible task was beyond you but here you were, wishing for the show to be over so this hell would STOP)

-But alas,, the weeks running up the first performance were crazy and you barely had time to even text Felix bc half of your day was spent running through lighting with the crew and the other half was spent correcting your errors bc the director was a grouchy piece of work n nothing was perfect

-You missed spending time with Felix bc he could make you feel happy and relaxed with just a smile but every time you saw him offstage he seemed,,, a little off and distracted

-Just as you were about to go and ask if he was okay, you were whisked away by one of the sound people bc one of the mics weren’t working

-You never forgot the look on his face though

-Before you knew it, opening night was upon you and the theatre was in full work mode getting everything into position ready for when the audience came in

-Before the actors had arrived however, you snuck in backstage and dropped off a small bouquet of flowers onto Felix’s makeup station with a note that read “I’m sure you’ve got this Apollo”, a bottle of water and a timtam that had strict instructions to eat AFTER the show

-You giggled as you saw Felix wandering round with a small smile on his face, twiddling the note in his fingers unsure of who this was

-Throughout the performance your eyes were drawn to Felix almost like a magnet bc he was captivating as the leader of the revolution and tears actually started to trickle down your face as he sang Do You Hear the People Sing

-Like,,, you were so damn proud of how he was performing considering literally yesterday he was moping around

-As the show week progressed you left bigger bouquets of flowers with different encouraging notes and snacks on them and every day you saw Felix’s smile grow wider and his performance grow stronger

-As the final night rolled around you decided that today was the day

-You were going to confess your feelings to Felix

-You didn’t leave flowers this time, just a note that read

-If you want to know who I am, find me after the show. I’ll be the one with the bouquet of red roses love XXXX

-When Felix read this he was extremely nervous bc all week he had hoped for some sign as to who it was yet all of a sudden they were going to just reveal themselves?

-He didn’t know how he was going to react but secretly,,, he hoped it was you and if it wasn’t he wasn’t sure how he was going to react

-So anyway,, the show went on and by the end of it the whole audience was in tears

-When the actors came on for their individual bows you heard Felix’s friends literally roaring his name,, and was that Changbin holding a Felix banner and standing in his seat??

-When the bows for the technical team were happening you ended up locking eyes with Felix and he was just grinning at you, even as they moved around the theatre

-The final bow happened and you cracked your fingers, knowing it was time

-You bid the rest of your crew goodbye before picking up a bouquet of roses that were underneath the desk and they were like !!!!!! omg they’re going to do it?!?! And you just grinned, pressing a finger to your lips and sneaking out into the main auditorium

-You were slightly nervous bc heck,,, his best friends were here as well and they knew you and if they saw you they would not shut up

-They saw you anyway but Chan had literally choked Felix out to stop him from yelling at you and the rest of the boys were kinda scared so they just left you alone,, wondering if you were going to confess to Felix bc quite honestly,,,, they were sick of Felix’s pining over you lmao

-Before you knew it, the actors began spilling out into the auditorium and your heart began to beat rapidly, waiting for Felix to appear

-When he did you gasped a little bc honestly,, how dare he look so good with his blonde hair all curled and slight traces of makeup still around his eyes with a tired smile on his eyes

-You saw his eyes dart around the room, undoubtedly looking for the red roses you had told him about

-He eyes lit up and started to walk towards you so you decided to remove the flowers from your face

-Felix’s eyes literally widened and his pace picked up

-You just smiled before literally running to him and throwing yourself around his body and kissing him square on the lips

-W O W

-You didn’t plan on doing that but it worked I guess

-The whole auditorium burst into raucous applause, finally glad that the two of you had gotten together after literally almost a year of pining like wtf guys come on

-Chan wiped a tear before motioning to the other boys to go over to the two of you

-You had broken the kiss and were resting your heads together, giggling when the boys approached you uwu

-“So, Y/N you’re finally dating Felix hyung? Took you long enough” jeongin stated bluntly

-“JEONGIN YOU CANT JUST ASK THEM THAT JE-“

-“yes we are dating” Felix said, kissing your temple softly and wrapping an arm around your waist and the other one cradling the bouquet of roses you gave him

-DATING FELIX:

-Oh god it’s a whole MESS dating this boy istg

-Like where to even begin

-For a start, he’s even more smiley and insufferable during class bc he’s like yeah I’m dating the cute lighting technician whilst u Jackie are dating??? Who again exactly? I lost count after you dumped Jaebum bc you found Mark more attractive but then Mark refused to date you bc ??? I forgot tbh

-He literally runs his mouth too much that you literally had to fly from your class to his so you could slap a damn over his mouth so he would shut up

-He didn’t mean to be mean but honestly,,,, he was just saying what the whole class was thinking n you were like babe, I know Jackie is like that but pls keep your mouth shut otherwise if Jackie comes for you I refuse to help you

-B A B E

-Oh yeah, felix definitely calls you babe more than your actual name which makes seungmin fake vomit into his work every time he hears felix call you that

-You just stick your tongue out and call Felix baby and right that’s it Seungmin is transferring college bc he’s SICK of all the affection going round atm

-Date nights are mainly just movie nights bc you and felix are so damn tired all the time after class and there’s nothing better than cuddling him after a long day of class

-Whilst the film is playing you like to lay on half on top of him so you can see his face as he lazily tells you about the ballet workshop he went to that morning

-You just loved listening to him talk and you also liked to rest your head on his chest, feeling relaxed by the steady lull of his heartbeat and the way his chest moved up and down

-More often than not you would fall asleep like this and Chan would find you there at 2am when he went to get a glass of water and he would throw another blanket over you, tucking you in so you didn’t get cold during the night

-(You never did bc Felix is the literal embodiment of the sun in two ways,,, his personality and his damn body heat)

-Also hear me out,, you would take felix to the lighting box on weekends and teach him new lighting methods and you loved watching him being a giddy child when he got it right that you would reward him with kisses whenever he did bc it made the both of you giggle

-Honestly,,, kissing felix? A blessing you weren’t quite sure you deserved though he assured you everyday that you did bc he was always kissing ur forehead, nose, cheeks u name it

-One thing you loved doing was gently tracing the freckles on his face before lightly peppering them with kisses

-It made Felix blush like CRAZY but he loved it bc it was you and you were being cute as heck

-Other date nights included karaoke with the boys and the two of you confusing all of them when you yelled that your song was playing when Wonderwall came on

-Woojin,,, are they being serious right now?

-You know Chan, I really wish I knew

-Study dates weren’t really a thing the two of you did bc you were on such a practical course with not much studying,, but you still liked to go to coffee shops and rehearse lines with him when he had a show coming up or accompanying him to the dance studio when he had a dance project due in

-You being Felix’s biggest fan? Confirmed.

-Going along to every single one of Felix’s taekwondo matches and yelling alongside Changbin as Felix flipped his opponent over??? OF COURSE

-Though, people always wondered which one of you was actually dating Felix until Felix ran over to you and kissed you on the lips and not Changbin lmao

-You always greeted Felix with a bouquet of red roses at the end of each of his performances and he still blushed bc he still couldn’t believe you confessed before he did

-So he decided to reverse the situation and surprised you with flowers during the bows of the last night of one his shows

-Like,,, he called the lighting crew down under the pretence of giving them praise but the ulterior motive,,,, he gave you flowers on stage and then kissed your cheek UWU

-The two of you were the powerhouse couple of the theatre department that everyone was envious of bc you just understood each other so well???? Not to mention between the two of you, you could literally run an entire theatre by yourselves and still have sold out shows

-Just wow,,, you were THAT couple

hi i would like a lee felix pls he’s cute as HECK and i just wanna compliment his freckles till the end of my days goodbye x

[macbookpro-hard-drive]

HI HOW DO YOU WRITE CHARACTERS

hewwo! i can answer this! im literally gonna do a quick list of both deh and bmc characters for u under this readmore! :D

im gonna start with deh because smaller cast!

evan: 

isn’t so much stuttery as he tends to repeat things and uh stammer a bit here and there. stutters over his words sometimes but it’s more l-like this and uh, like… like this

evan hansen has anxiety. he is not anxiety. evan hansen fucks up and makes mistakes and probably internalizes a lot of things. very polite when in public but he can be a bit snappy (as seen w evans comment abt how zoe’s parents have never been poor i believe? it was something he said to zoe)

soft spoken, most of the time. probably not the kind of guy to vocally ask for things until he’s at a comfortable enough point that he feels like he’s not bothering you (same buddy)

i see evan as someone who gets frustrated with himself easily. not as a sense of “god i wish i were normal” but more of a “i should be able to do this, why cant i do this, i want to do this but i cant” because sometimes it’s just a matter of i literally cant do this and i dont know why? and god its so frustrating sometimes

jared:

jared kleinman is a fucking asshole and he knows it. very sarcastic and uses it to cover up his own insecurities, probably the kind of dude who laughs in your face when you tell him off when internally he’s just OH FUCK OH SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK

a lot of ppl write jared as being insecure abt his weight and tbh i don’t see that being a problem for him? i see jared as being insecure abt the fact he comes off very snarky and assholeish but he turns it around and tries to own it even though… that’s not something you want to be proud of? and he knows that

not the kind of dude who stops to assess his feelings. he powers through shit and insists he’s okay until he’s out of steam. i think it was psy who said he’s a “needs therapy boi” and tbh she’s right? 

can be very passive aggressive imo it’s something he really needs to work on.

arrogant, sarcastic, and just a big fucking dick who needs to learn how to watch his mouth.

zoe:

not an pure baby angel, by any means. we’re at a disadvantage because we only see zoe when she’s sort of grieving (because grief can and will come in different ways, and while i see her as not missing connor, i do think that her pushing away her feelings is a form of her grieving imo? it’s a weird thing to explain but there’s a part of zoe that does miss (the old) connor’s presence as w the fake emails evan “gave her her brother back” (albeit a very fake version of connor) and sort of standoffish when it comes to the subject of connor

a bit of an ambivert. extremely outgoing when she’s around her friends or when it comes to music and other things she loves.

very individualistic! her style tends to have doodles on her clothes, she dyes her hair a lot, she probably would be the kind of person to make her own jewelry!

very sweet. the castng call for zoe describes her as being the kind of person who learns the names of the kids who sit alone at lunch and thats she goes out of her way to be nice to people since. connor. yeah.

thats all ive got for zoe but u can always send questions in and i can say yes or no after i ask my pals too

alana:

smart gal! valedictorian! president! i love her! tends to overshare a bit. anxiety + depression gal.

probably into gardening tbh? i can see alana having succulents in her room and maybe a dog that just chills with her.

dont be afraid to make alana mouthy. alana is someone whos extremely headstrong in her actions imo and does what she believes is right, even if others dont believe that. like… think about the fact that she literally published what was believed to be connor’s suicide note because she thought it’d get them the last bit of help they needed for the orchard. it literally fucked the murphys over - but she never considered that?

very much an extrovert. just really wants to belong, man. very optimistic on the surface but i can see her being a little less so underneath. she looks on the bright side because if she doesnt, she doesnt know who will and idk i dont think alana’s the kind of person who just... lets that risk be there.

connor:

we dont kno much abt connor in canon but uhhh…. i can see connor as being a loner, sort of aggressive by accident (tbh this dude’s probably used to people being a dick to him so he’s just sorta standoffish in response) but like… whenever i write connor i usually write him as getting better? he’s gotten the help he needs and he’s doin better 

artsy depressed dude. poetry, painting, ect - whatever u want tbh. i just see connor, with help, finding himself in art or something creative (theatre and music included! u do u!)

very much a reader. this dude both has a lot of books on his bookshelf and a lot more books he hasnt fucking read because hes terrible at reading new books. (i personally hc he loves all of poe’s work)

to sorta sum connor up: bold, but not outgoing. caring, but not obvious with it (once he gets help btw). easily angered but sometimes he just doesn’t fucking know why and that frustrates him further. troubled.

honestly if u want to see one of my fave connors - check out @ask-sincerely-memes​! i rly love how they portray all three of the boys, but connor is by far my favorite! (mod con and/or mod ev if u read this i love u)

OK ONTO THE BMC FUCKERS if you want to kno abt the adults for either show then feel free to ask

jeremy:

anxiety boy, but not evan hansen level of anxiety. more just… self deprecating, not super confident in himself, probably underestimates himself a lot.

jeremys hard to explain sometimes because a lot of his actions and dialogue comes naturally since i can actually relate to jeremy a lot, personality-wise? a really good fact to throw out there is i don’t think jeremy’s the kind of guy who just goes for stuff sometimes. he has to sorta be hyped up by others imo. michael motivated him to sign up for the play, rich and michael both played parts in getting him squipped (michael in the aspect of “lets check this out and see if its legit” bc i doubt jeremy would have genuinely done that on his own).

which really means jeremy isnt the kind of guy to just… confess things, unless it’s built up enough (i.e. jeremys confrontation w reader in unlonely since it was a conversation he’d been thinking about for a bit). in canon, he didnt really… confess to christine without the help of alcohol (at the halloween party) or without other people building him up (voices in my head). 

im literally rereading jeremy fics rn because im trying to come up with a good way of describing him

extremely horny teenage boy. hormones suck. for anyone who writes nsfw: i dont see jeremy being incredibly kinky and sexual and dominant (god forbid) his first fucking time having sex. especially if its both him and the readers first time. sex can be clumsy. you can laugh during sex. but also sex smells. like… once you’ve smelled it, you fucking know it - its just a weird combo of sweat and bodily fluids. 

that last part was just a PSA for ppl.

lightweight boy. a lot bolder when drunk. thank you.

honestly if u have any questions abt jeremy, i can try to answer them more specifically but this is as general as i can get.

michael

not an uwu anxious depressed innocent baby boy uwu. remember that michael literally withheld the mtn dew red from jeremy because he wanted an apology. remember that michael wouldnt have been squipped because michael had been completely comfortable with who he is. michael likes his place. he doesn’t want to be cool and popular - he likes who he is. michael in the bathroom was a peak moment of michael finally letting go of emotions he’d been withholding - jeremy calling him a “loser” was the final straw that broke him. thank u this has been a psa.

a goofy boy. probably snorts when he laughs and im not projecting there what are you talking about-

okay, canonically: likes video games, likes retro shit (probably the kind of nerd who LIVES for arcades and record stores and vintage clothing stores even if he doesnt mix that into his personal style), very into music. there’s a lot you can do with this! 

imo he’s very caring? like. okay, yes he did withhold mtn dew red from jeremy - but michael still went through the trouble of finding and obtaining that in order to deactivate the squip. i think michael’s a fairly understanding dude, even if he has moments of anger.

just a very warm person. probably the kind of person who stops and makes sure people are okay when he notices they’re upset.

sometimes impulsive. sometimes very restless, imo. bouncy boy. 

like w jeremy - you can absolutely send me questions abt michael (or anyone tbh!) and i’ll answer them the best i can! im by no means an expert but ive got pals i can bother in order to help get a solid answer :3

christine

chriiistiiiiiiiiine, the love of my life. a gal w ADD! please don’t forget that! i personally hc that she got into a theatre as a way of like… sort of getting energy out since she’s fairly restless??? track girl christine….. also good

loves herself a lot tbh! like. in the show, its canon that she has stuff to figure out but i personally think christine loves herself and her body and is proud of who she is?

very friendly, very open, very passionate abt theatre! these are basic facts lmao

very sweet! very smart! she’s like... The Girl in all the movies that everyones like “oh no i love her” bc shes just a bubbly gal

writing christine is really hard to describe sometimes. like with all the characters, i write what feels right and sounds right to me and to others.

but like... to be honest, as long as you stay a bit happy and supportive and loving with christine - you’re on the right track.

jake

god - one of my favorite boys to write sometimes because there’s a lot to do with jake’s character

he’s the ultimate cool dude in high school. probably the kind of dude who would join a frat in college. handsome, popular, flirtatious - you fucking name it man.

sorta effortlessly popular and cool. there’s problems underneath - considering his family - but it’s hard to see that he has flaws when everything just comes so easily to him.

a very caring and sweet dude tbh. his friends mean a lot to him and he’s the kind of boy who carries your books and asks where you’re going and how you’re doing

he makes mistakes. he gets aggressive and protective and just angry physically - he did try to attack jeremy, albeit drunk, based purely on the idea that jeremy was having sex w chloe - so like... that’s a good thing to acknowledge

i said hes flirtatious and he is - without realizing it. someone probably has called him out on it and he’s like “sorry what?” bc he was caught up in talking to someone and not realizing that the dillinger charm never went off. because it never goes off. rip.

rich

GOD, my FAVORITE BOY, the LOVE OF MY LIFE, i love him.

squipped: aggressive. a bully. stinky. 0/10.

post-squipcident: getting better. sorta numb at first before happy, outgoing rich resurfaces because He’s Fine! Do Not Worry! but y’know like... he definitely has a lot of problems with what he did and who he was while he had the squip

a bit sensitive imo. easily upset on certain topics, easily angered on others. really misses his mom (i hc she died and his dad took up drinking as a coping mechanism and its mainly rich and his older brother relying on each other but thats just me tbh.)

rich is tricky to write when it comes to his home life. while i see rich’s dad as being a loud drunk, others see him as being physically abusive and so forth and - okay, that’s your decision, but please make sure you’re being respectful and you post trigger warnings because some people are in abusive homes and it’s not a fun thing to read. 

great sense of humor imo. flirtatious but in the more obvious “haha hey lets bone ;)” way. alternatively: flirtatious with squip, floundering a bit without it because all he knows is “haha hey wanna fuck” 

would probably fight a dick for his pals. rly just loves his friends even if he doesn’t show it.

chloe

chloe is a bit hard to write without saying “shes kind of a bitch” but like... she is and she knows it and she fucking owns it.

casting call: “ confident, crass, sexy, manipulative, and downright mean at times”

so like. she’s nowhere near bein a sweet angel baby uwu

has problems. explore them. she literally was down to fuck brooke’s boyfriend since jeremy was dating brooke yknow. part of it could be alcohol but like... dont ignore that fact. like. she probs needs to talk to both brooke and jeremy.

i think of chloe as someone who can see the potential in others tbh. gets slightly annoyed when people arent achieving what they could - but i like to imagine she gets it after a while since some ppl dont have confidence and such. 

yknow the kind of people that take charge when the situation calls for it? that’s chloe. she’s very much a leader. cunning, ambitious - she’s fucking ready.

brooke

more of an angel i guess? sweet, a bit insecure, and a little more caring. not very dominant in situations - tends to be more of a follower (as shown w her and chloe’s friendship)

very caring actually. she literally followed jeremy out and said “uhhh he was kind of a dick to women but i know u like eminem” upon his death in the show??? like??? she literally went to check on this boy.

imo she sorta needs to learn to be bolder. to not take shit. shes probably the kind of person who says yes to a lot of things even if they’re conflicting bc she doesn’t want to like... bother someone and make things worse

emotional, imo. fairly feminine.

its hard to keep describing sdfkjhds sorry

jenna

not popular. remember that she wanted people to be interested in her, which is why she gossips a lot

probably tends to overhear half of the gossip. other than that, i can see her easily finding shit out bc she has eyes Everywhere

bold, fairly extroverted, probably really fucking smart tbh. give her love. she deserves it.

thats both at me and everyone else. jenna rolan ily...

very much a big sister figure, post-squipcident. theres this kdrama i was watching where the main protag lives w a couple other girls and one of the oldest one of the bunch is very much a big sister figure that will call other people out on their bullshit because she knows protag isnt the kind of person to do that? thats jenna. and chloe, but mostly jenna.

probably the kind of person who wants to be helpful imo. she likes feeling useful.

[suredahlia-arc]

hello hello ! i’m daisy ( 19 // est // she/her ) and my mind has been tricked by florence into thinking it’s 7am when it’s actually,, 4:30pm. i’m in the mountains so we shouldn’t be having it as hard as other places, but everyone is still worried abt falling trees and such ! all my suitemates decided to go be storm-chasers ( every single one of them ? ), so i could be living my best life rn, but i’d rather be writing up an intro for a character i have tried to play over four times then the rp died after,, like,, a day. bless. more below !!

♪ { MARINA DIAMANDIS. FEMALE. MARINA (AND THE DIAMONDS). }Oh shit. Is that BUY THE STARS by DAHLIA ANGELIS on the radio right now?! I stan, omg. SHE’S that INDIE-POP solo artist who’s TWENTY-SEVEN years old. They’ve been in the game for EIGHT YEARS and have THREE ALBUMS out right now. I think they’re very VERSATILE and INTUITIVE, but for some reason they come off as OBSESSIVE and CYNICAL in the tabloids. You mind if I turn this up? daisy. 19. est. she/her.

first, i feel inclined to say why i put “and the diamonds” in parentheses bc without context i either look super uninformed or like a total douchebag?? basically she’s going by just “marina” now but i didn’t know how wide-spread that knowledge was yet and technically all of her work still has “and the diamonds” so i was like “hm. parentheses.” and there’s ur explanation ! onto the intro:

BACKSTORY

TRIGGERS: extreme misogyny, brief mention of gaslighting/emotional abuse, briefly implied physical abuse

so i have been waiting to play a bitch inspired by the stepford wives for forever. if i ever actually finished books that weren’t assigned, wbk i’d read that bitch. but we settle for the 1975 movie. there’s ur preface.

i often get way too caught up in the story of the parents and wind up making just intros like,,, a novella, so i’m gonna do my best to skim over them and go more in-depth when i write the bio later on!!

so dahlia’s mom is inspired by neely “i’m a BIG STAR!” o’hara from ‘the valley of the dolls’ and her dad is, ofc, inspired by walter “no fun quotes or super extra™ monologues” everhart from, you guessed it, ‘the stepford wives (1975)’

just as a very brief explanation as to why “i’m a BIG STAR” wound up in the neighborhood she would, typical fall from glory, first manager whisked her away, “fell in love”, moved to a neighborhood where 95% of the women only found joy in cooking and cleaning

maybe if you HAD a fucking business...

i’ve made this joke so many times i’ve memorized this entire scene.

only one person irl has ever genuinely laughed.

it was my mom.

through a series of gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and groupthink, dahlia’s father gradually got her mother to buy into all of it and have strong opinions on the best laundry detergent.

so this was a strange place to raise a child, amirite ? i mean, you got women discussing tide vs. bounty while baking cake, you got men being treated like kings – we over here in the stereotypical 1950s. 

they stanned super small neighborhoods in wales, but should they have ?

so she had a very skewed idea of what was acceptable and what wasn’t. the boys were treated extremely “boys will be boys!” like – like... more than they are when we talk abt the problem with that sentence – and the girls were all wives in training.

it was acceptable for boys and men alike to do whatever they wanted without asking the other. it was acceptable for boys and men alike to complain over anything they wanted. it was acceptable for boys and men to do all of these things that, if we heard about them today, we’d be like “jail??” or, at the very least “leave.”

it was all good and well though!! but one of the four (4) duties dahlia’s mother had was taking care of the child (the other three were cooking, cleaning, and pleasing)

you see, she was used to dahlia’s father blowing things out of proportion when it came to herself – it was normal and healthy!! but she was not used to him blowing things out of proportion on their child, aka dahlia (you see, this is what happens when i start talking about the parents too much)

the first time just warranted a brief “hey, maybe don’t.” the second time warranted a conversation that ended poorly. third warranted an empty threat of leaving that ended poorly. fourth warranted an actual threat that ended poorly. fifth and a bitch was like “ok where r we and how do we get out!!”

after finding her way out, she settled with dahlia in a rly crummy motel, but what else are u gonna do when u only have the few dollars u managed to steal from ur guy??

y’all see i’m already talking in perspective of the parents i hate myself

so dahlia’s mom phoned so many old friends and relatives. unfortunately, as a previous neely “the whole WORLD loves me!!” o’hara who just seemed to drop off the face of the earth, almost everyone was like “bitch tf no you ain’t stayin here”

the last person she phoned was her mom, aka dahlia’s grandmother, down in athens. reluctantly, a bitch was like “fine.”

so dahlia was ~13 by now. her mom found work as a maid bc she was rly good at cleaning and also had no clue how she would ever get a good acting career back (although, mind you, you know a bitch went out for some community theater plays). her grandmother was able to live off the inheritance her late husband, dahlia’s grandfather, left behind – however, she also had a work ethic that drove her to just... do whatever she deemed the right thing to do at the time. 

an old woman doing some odd jobs?? you know it!!

dahlia learned how to speak greek which is great bc you know what?? i duolingo’d that bitch and that owl is a jerk who wouldn’t let me get past “ο άντρας” even tho i spelled it!! right!! i had so many ppl compare what i spelled and what the answer was and i’m still bitter!! 

anyway.

so like,, wbk a bitch has some unresolved problems. when you grow up in the equivalent of stepford (copyright 1972, ira levin), you gonna have some things to work thru!!

but she was also basically trained by that community to keep everything inward??

this is a musician rp so you know what she did??

SHE TAUGHT HERSELF TO PLAY PIANO AND WROTE SONGS!!

was a myspace queen tbh. technically speaking, she has more work out there than the three listed albums (i mean, we got mermaid v. sailor, the crown jewels, etc., etc., bUT)

decided “bitch i’m gonna make smth of this” and,,, did. so when she was 19 ‘the family jewels’ was released and,, like,, she decided “wow time to go be an american!!! i love bald eagles!!!”

so i figure the rest is kind of history?? i think i’ll be going in chronological order with the albums (in that a few years after that ‘electra heart’ was released, then ‘froot’, then a hiatus which we do NOT stan, then coming back with a leak ksksksks. BUT i may switch up electra and froot i’m not quite sure yet??)

ya! 

PERSONALITY

VERSATILE: ok so she never really does things quite the same ? alexa, play ‘can’t pin me down’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis. musically speaking, she really loves experimenting with different sounds. overall, she is still considered indie-pop, but we had some good new-wave pop in ‘the family jewels’, we had some good electropop in ‘electra heart’, we had some good general versatility in ‘froot’ (compare the song ‘froot’ to ‘immortal’ like we were boppin then we were havin an existential crisis). does not like keeping things the same in her music. does not like being compared to other artists bc?? everyone!! is different!! generally speaking, she’s just a very?? open person?? not as in emotionally open, open book – all that, as in willing to try pretty much anything?? as long as it’s not her actual routine, if a wrench is thrown in her plans, a bitch don’t care as long as the wrench ain’t smth dumb. here for a good time, not a long time.

INTUITIVE: ok so she got really into trying to read people and tbh psychoanalyze them ( alexa, play ‘savages’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis ) after leaving that. town. with a name she doesn’t even recall?? wbk a bitch would speak up abt it if she could so that all of the women could be fckin saved but she j doesn’t remember anything abt it!! other than the environment in general!! what’s the name?? besides somewhere in wales, what’s the location?? she doesn’t know!! mainly bc i don’t!! and also for the sake of her not actually saying anything abt it willingly!! anyway!! she really does her best to read people and situations in order to analyze like?? the safety aspect, the other person’s stance, etc. doesn’t always work, but she tries. is pretty good at it, but no pro.

OBSESSIVE: ok so y’all see up there me talking abt routines?? there are two (2) ways in which girly is obsessive. first, a literal manner. routines that need to be done so the world doesn’t fall apart. i mean, we stan obscured brain chemistry, but we also stan horrible environments that just exacerbate it, even into adulthood, in the end ( alexa, play ‘obsessions’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis. ) (also, i feel i should clear the possible iffy-ness this would have by saying that i’ve got ocd and will, therefore, be portraying it in a manner similar to mine so that it doesn’t come across as offensive to anyone else who may have a different form?? but most of the ‘routines’ won’t be very prominent in interactions). second, music!! when she gets started on a new project, -the mask vc- try ta’ stop [her]! -end vc- . will live in the studio until everything is complete and perfect. will spend her free time writing lyrics she knows she’ll never use bc?? why not?? gotta get that practice in!! can also apply to any other project types, but ofc the main ones would be music related so??

CYNICAL: ok. who’s gonna have a positive worldview after growing up where she did?? ( alexa, play ‘hermit the frog’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis ) who’s gonna stan that?? that said, there is not a single genuinely good person in this world ( alexa, play ‘savages’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis again ) if u ask her like?? not only did she already have that view after coming to her senses but?? now she knows about terrorists, about people from the usa who are SUPPOSED to be the good guys killing innocent ppl from ‘enemy territories’ for fun, ppl assaulting and killing minorities just bc they’re not like them, etc., etc., etc. convinced no one is inherently good. rly has a love/hate relationship with life ksksksks

HEADCANONS

a lot of these kind of tie into personality tbh?? 

literally knows everything about every cleaning product ever. ask her about the pros and cons of any and she will tell you. she’ll also tell you when it was manufactured, the ceo of the company that created it at the time, what went in it to make it, etc., etc., etc. knows so much.

kind of going off of that, actually really good at cooking and baking?? she rarely does it willingly, but will make a hell of a chocolate soufflé.

TRIGGER: IMPLIED SEXUAL ASSAULT -  i don’t want to go too far into this bc it’s very triggering content to many ppl (and even to ppl who it isn’t, it’s j?? not good.), but.... i mean.... the boys in her formative environment were literally encouraged to do whatever they wanted and they didn’t need permission?? END TRIGGER.

i have a whole-ass routine already figured out. there are a lot of facets obviously, so i’ll just mention a few?? but count them all as one headcanon to be fair. 

sets an alarm to get into bed at 1:11am bc it’s a good number but 11:11 is usually too early. sets an alarm for 11:11am to wake her up. will chill in bed if she’s awake before then but it has yet to go off. only exceptions are when she’s working on something she deems urgent.

that said, good numbers are 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 10, 11, 12, 14, 16, 17, 18, 21, etc. no rhythm to it, but i wasn’t gonna go?? up until?? infinity??

if there are two doors that are both available to be opened and closed (aka not one of those “enter through this one, exit through this one”), will always enter through the right and exit through the left. 

we don’t stan sidewalk cracks!!

a lot of superstition plays into these. but?? loves black cats. they’re chill.

i have a stats page coming that has more so!!

during the eh era, be it the last one or the one before that, decided to method act while she was still writing the songs ksksksks. that’s going to go into some of her more specific connections.

a bitch will both fight and not fight. got ‘the family jewels’ attitude back and we stan!!

was obviously able to write the ‘housewife’ archetype songs from her own personal experience ksksksks. didn’t rly have to dive into the stereotype. j knew it already.

more?? later??

CONNECTION IDEAS

so i have a few specific ones that are attached to a different blog (u kno one of the ones that died) that i’ll be moving over here, but here are some of the ones that stuck out more than others – also, all are open to any gender!:

UPDATE: wc page is here!

during the eh era while she was ‘method acting’ (we hate.), she knew this muse was in a relationship but was still like?? “hey let’s go have a meaningless ons” bc we stan "homewrecker”! (can have a number of muses!!)

a relationship that really didn’t work out in the end. the other kept trying to make things better so they would stay together. inspired by “buy the stars” (one muse)

the first celebrity whose discography or filmography she got really into before moving to america. would’ve had to have been around for longer than eight years. slightly inspired by “hollywood” (one muse)

ok this one. makes me laugh. literally just someone who always gets her mistaken for someone else – it doesn’t even have to look like her. 100% inspired by “hollywood” ( oh my god! you look just like shakira! no, no – you’re catherine zeta! ) (open to two muses)

she’s not known for a good reputation, but she’s also not known for a bad one. this muse wants to turn her to the dark side and make her become everything she never wanted to be?? so very similar to ‘the bad influence’ connection, j w/ a slightly different connotation on dahlia’s end. inspired by “oh no!” (open to two muses)

these bitches were either friends or love interests once, but things fell apart (either mutually or on the other’s side like?? i don’t want to godmod but for the song’s sake). dahlia is,, bad abt forgiveness,, but there have been enough apologies. inspired by “forget” (open to one muse)

dahlia has a very keen interest in this person. whether it’s infatuation or literally just interest, god only knows! obviously goes deeper than that but i’m horrible at explanations. suffice it to say, inspired by “immortal”

ok!! so now j some general ones!!

best friend

ride or die

drinking buddy

fwb

ons

exes

enemies for whatever reason

frenemies

collab partner

muse for any of her songs?

etc., etc., etc. !

LIKE THIS OR HMU IF U WOULD LIKE TO PLOT !

u can also find me on discord @ john donne’s whore #5590

[flutenby]

Ok so I've watched Love, Simon twice now (and read Simon vs twice in between) so here are my thoughts!! It got super long and kinda rambly oops so I'll put in under the cut but I wanted to share everything! Obviously there are a bunch of spoilers. 

In love, Simon, I think there are 2 things that are for straight people, but everything else is for our experience (even if other things comfort straight people it's primarily for us, I believe). These two things are the whole "I'm just like you" thing, although that also served the purpose of showing us Simon's life super easily and also we've gotta get the cishets in somehow so I find that acceptable. The other whole thing is the Ferris wheel thing at the end. Why was there a crowd. That's not at all how it went down in Simon vs - it was much more private there. That scene was very much for straight consumption, both the audience and the audience at the Ferris wheel in the damn movie. I recognise that a great gay kiss is rare and I do cherish it I just hate the fucking crowd. So unnecessary. 

Onto the deal with Ethan. I generally liked how this was done. I know that it felt like he was put in as a comparison against Simon to show how Simon is a Straight Gay that is Acceptable, but they amended this with the conversation between Simon and Ethan at the vice principals office at the end ish, where Simon acknowledged that Ethan was doing good. I mean Simon literally said that he was jealous of how out and comfortable Ethan was in himself. I know Simon also was feeling the homophobia worse when it was directed at him as well as Ethan, but I honestly think that snide comments isn't as bad as the fucking public performance. I know the snide remarks suck! And they made Simon super uncomfortable! But I do feel like they at least feel different, even if both were directed at the same person.

The scene with his dad apologising for the low key homophobic shit Simon had to sit through!! Was so good!!! Yes this is what should happen!! I know it's a little awkward but still I'm really glad they included this. I do appreciate the deal with drunk Simon in Simon vs just as much though. That was very good like damn I love it.

One problem I had was that I sometimes found it hard to believe that Simon was gay. Maybe this is just me, but with a few of the scenes after he was outed, it didn't feel like it was quite the same person (further showing that cishets don't fully understand coming out) but I was generally ok with it. Like it didn't detract too much from the story, and I think there are some scenes where Nick Robisnon did an excellent job.

Ok who doesn't hate Simon's friends in the movie when they all just. Ditch him. On the day where he has to face the school after being forcibly outed. And like ok maybe they thought that being outed wasn't so terrible bc no-one is even homophobic uwu but like. They saw the deal at lunch. We got to see them seeing and looking kinda guilty but not that guilty!! Not enough to go fucking at least sit with him in solidarity after that shit happens!! And they were barely inconvenienced anyway! Like damn guys he wasn't even a good liar anyway they were all so on the spot and "shit no I'm being literally blackmailed right now" I just can't believe they left him that day. Like damn. Also surely they were worried about looking homophobic? Like Simon is outed and suddenly all of his friends are gone? Surely people would assume they were homophobic and they would know that. Idk just thought it looked super sus. His friends in Simon vs were much better imo.

I really want to punch Martin!! I think he was definitely worse in the movie than in the book though - and I also found him a little more believable in Simon vs. Maybe I was just receiving less second hand embarrassment though.

While I'm disappointed Cal didn't get as much in movie or get shown he's bi, which was all fantastic in Simon vs, I do really like how they showed some Simon and Bram stuff early. And the Halloween party was awesome to watch. And the deal with Bram and the girl I'm really glad happened. While the whole stuff with girls happened with Simon in Simon vs (in mentioning ex girlfriends after knowing he was gay) but the denial by just pretending to be straight is very real and I'm so so glad that was included in some way.

I don't believe there was only one openly gay kid in the whole school. Like what kind of bullshit. That's where Simon vs was more believable to me. Even though there are other out people, coming out is still scary. Although I guess it's kinda nice to have some rep of one of the first.

After reading the gay bar/restaurant scene I'm disappointed it couldn't be included, especially bc of the drunk Simon confronting his dad I mentioned earlier. I also wish references to the fanfic and Blue's awakening by an actual real life person were there but they aren't particularly important I guess.

Simon every time his dad is slightly homophobic or any of that is so real. The most real thing ever. Idk what else to say except I think that cishet people don't realise that we notice all that shit and we react pretty much like Simon and I'm glad it was included and hopefully they notice! Because it's something they should be more aware of I think.

While I'm glad that creeksecrets wasn't a Tumblr (or at least not explicitly), I don't know what it was?? I'm so lost as to what is actually was. But let's be real do any schools have a Tumblr like that anyway? And surely if they did, there'd be literally any kind of moderation? Which would stop the damn Martin post getting through.

Simon was so bad at dancing like damn is that a Simon thing or can Nick Robinson also not dance?? Like he didn't even do the hands in the musical but also even in the gay uni scene he just looked awkward as fuck. That's not good gay rep man like hun we can dance better than that!!! (I'm ofc mostly joking but seriously his dancing was painful to watch I wish Keiynan could have done it)

Random thing I find it kinda funny how it's the new people to their group that have milk? Like the original three are milkless but Abby and Bram are the new kids to the car ride and both have milk??

Also Abby should be nowhere near the rest of them? Idk like the house looked too rich for her backstory.

Also Martin is a bitch.

"Ethan came out at 16" bitch you're 17. That's like a year ago ish. The only way I can justify that comment to make it make any sense in my head is to make it "technically out at 16 but really everyone knew since 14".

Also the vice principal with the pride pin but still being a little hmmmm not fantastic was so real. Like yes taking no bullying seriously so yay! But uhhh Simon knows you're a hetero you've made that pretty fucking clear you don't need to mention that while Simon is feeling isolated as shit also just bc there are two gay people doesn't mean they're dating like!!! What!!! Where do people even get that!! Although it ties in to the Cal in the book thing like gays also fall for specific people! Like I mean yeah Simon also falls for anyone that smiles at him but that's bc he's projecting! Once he reckons that person isn't Blue then he stops liking them because he's putting the personality of Blue onto whoever it is! Aka really only falling for one person!! Ok this point got off track but I think I made the point.

The exhale speech was just. So nice. Lots of love. Good addition.

And also that bit where Bram is throwing shade at movies and the world in general being all like yep someone get be of THREE minority groups whodathunk but look here I am!! It was just so good that was some top shit there.

Sooo yeah that's my long rambly post about this! My other post was better but I need to express my FEELINGS but like A LOT.