#problems that keep me from sleeping | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

halfwayup · 28 days ago

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alright, so I‘m bi and Dirk Gently is like my favourite character ever, that’s why my profile picture is the bisexual flag and an icon of Dirk. however, I don’t think that Dirk is bi (he‘s gay), but due to the picture it probably comes across as if I‘m interpreting Dirk as bi (which I‘m not). so this is a genuine question because I am low-key worried about it: should I change it to a character that’s bi? (including headcannons lol) or remove the flag? idk

#bisexuality #dirk gently #dirk gently holistic detective agency #dghda #problems that keep me from sleeping #profile picture

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demigod-of-the-agni · 4 months ago

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Forgive me, forgive me. I ask, I beg, I pray, but it never comes.

You know I find it incredibly bewildering to see just how much kalki reflects myself in him like YEAH Duh of course he does, he’s my little guy it’s like his full time job. But at the same time he is a fully functional facet of my being and he is at the mercy of my whimsies, and whatever he discovers in his arduous journey of self realisation is ultimately a reflection of what I discover in the real world. It’s also incredibly funny because ffxiv lore for dark knights is really baked into the idea of (re)discovering yourself amongst the bloodshed and continuing to live and love and thrive despite the world working against us. who would have thought such a raw message could come from an mmorpg side quest about edgy emo boys of all places

also adamantite armour of fending i would lay down my LIFE for u

variant + phone bg version + ID below the cut

tch as if you guys are actually going to use artwork of my little guy as your phone background. i know. how dumb. let a girl dream. i should make an alternate version but it's of Fray and Myste

[START ID: A picture with a red background focusing on the character's bust that is placed to the left of the image's centre. He is coloured with a dark blue overlay, contrasting with the red background. He has brown skin, long black hair that falls over his shoulders, and is wearing blue and gold armour and earrings. He is looking at the viewer, right eye dark brown and the left an glowing unnatural red, with an expression that looks determined and angry and yet bitter and forlorn. In the foreground and on the right side of the piece, a miniature version of the character stands coloured in a light blue overlay and wearing the same blue and gold armour, looking as if he is glowing. He is facing towards the left of the piece, or perhaps at the character bust, his expression unreadable. Above the miniature character's head is the symbol representing the FFXIV dark knight, coloured in gold. END ID.]

#the burst of creativity that shot through me is indescribable. i can only hope this is a sign that i am FINALLY out of art block #but OF COURSE my creativity comes back right when gamsat is around the corner. it's always a fucking exam. i fucking hate myself #maybe this piece is supposed to be vent art at how I CANNOT MANAGE MY SHIT AND I AM JUST. NOT DOING THINGS RIGHT. NOT DOING THINGS RIGHT !!#and i tell myself it's fine but maybe it's NOT fine? i told myself i'd work on it but nothing is getting worked on #nothing productive at all. not even for uni nor for myself. nothing is happening at all. it's just going through the days #waking up. wishing i'd slept more. stare at my laptop for hours. youtube. watch 10mins of lectures. then a nap. then the laptop. then sleep #but i dont and it pisses me off because nothing is working. i'm like if linguini lost his rat and i'm staring at the kitchen catching fire #maybe go to class if it's on for that day. scrambling notes together. pretending i DO have my shit together #i COULD put out the fire. but i'm not. i could and i can but im not. the extinguisher is in my hand. fire's not going out. i'm still here.#maybe. maybe that's why drk resonates with me so much. at the end of the day. maybe i am just a stupid bastard #-who can't get their act together. who actively shoots themselves in the foot and bleeds all over the place trying to make something happen #only this time- this time the perpetrator isn't someone i can point at and demand answers from. it's me hi i'm the problem it's me #and i can- i SHOULD find a way to make this all work. to make this whole Living My Life business work. but the extinguisher's in my hand #wow okay that was really heavy anyway uhhhhh TAGS TAGS TAGS TAGSSSSS #ffxiv #ff14 #ffxivwol #ffxiv wol kalki #ffxiv dark knight #artoftheagni #and the fire keeps going #tw eyestrain #cw bright colors #idk the red is really bright and it;s nice for my eyes but idk for anyone else

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orcelito · 2 months ago

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Actually, on the topic of the baby fever. God it's so frustrating. Bc when I was like 14 ish I was Adamant that I never ever wanted kids. And my dad said smth around the lines of "that'll likely change" (probably from his own experience with this) and I was like NO. it WONT.

And then eventually, age 21-22 ish, I admitted that Okay, I still don't want to have my own kids, but someday maybe I'll adopt...

And Now, 27 years old, I got the general baby fever on occasion. It Did fucking change. And I don't know if I actually WILL bother with having my own kid (I still don't want to go through the hassle and massive body changes). But god. I do see a fucking baby and feel that stab of longing. It's almost like my damned hormones betrayed me or smth. Maddening!

I shall simply write fanfic about it.

#speculation nation #pregnancy ment/#honestly though i hadnt felt the wish to have my own until after my dad died #and i realized just how small our family is getting. and just felt this stab of NEED. to continue the line. continue the family.#my family's fucking dying around me i need to add to it. need more family. yknow?#so i dont actually know if this is. because of hormones or because of grief or What #but it was enough for me to put the hysterectomy idea on hold. bc id been genuinely considering it back in like. april? or so.#but then this happened and now im like. fuck dude. i dont know. but the uncertainty's enough to keep me from doing it.#yeah i dont wanna deal with periods anymore. but also. i need more time to decide.#i think no matter what i do want to raise kids someday. once im more stable (financially and emotionally)#but whether thats adoption or putting myself thru fuckin body torture. well i'll just have to decide. later.#maybe the deciding factor will be my own body aging lol. if i wait too long. my body will decide for me. who knows!#i Have thought about what id do if i got accidentally pregnant. especially relevant back when i was sleeping with a trans woman #and used to be id abort no hesitation. but well. i mean abortions illegal here anyways rn so id have to go to another state #but if i decided it i could make it work. it's not That far of a trip.#but. when i thought about it. the concern was less about the theoretical baby. and more about finishing school.#thinking 'man itd be fucking awful to finish school if i got pregnant right now'. but not. hesitating over the baby.#if i was out of school and relatively stable and i got accidentally pregnant. then. well. Maybe.#so me doing my dad vash au where he gets accidentally pregnant and goes all in with it #thats me. sorting out my feelings on it i guess. putting them somewhere.#idk. it's a lot to think about. i dont want to condemn a child to my genetic problems. but at the same time...#i dont know. To Be Decided Later.

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coquelicoq · 5 months ago

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#i'm so frustrated i've just wanted to come home for several days and now i'm here and it's just one problem after another #i had to leave a window open because of the heatwave that was fully 8 days ago because i wasn't gonna be home in the meantime #and apparently they mulched the yard during that time and it blew in the window and got all over the room. which i haven't cleaned yet #also i discovered today that when i flush the toilet it spurts water all over the floor!#and i'm already so tired and sad and i don't have the bandwidth to deal with anything #this toilet thing is an urgent problem but i'm not going to call the emergency hotline right now because they'll just make me stay #up all night waiting for them and i'm already so tired i'm crying from tiredness #so i'm just gonna try not to flush the toilet anymore but like. i just wanted to be home where it's calm and familiar #and now i have to stress about flushing the toilet and have strangers in here (best case scenario anyway. worst case is they #ignore me and don't fix the problem) and probably still be tired because i'm going to be too anxious to sleep well #i'm just so TIRED i just want to REST #and i was texting my friend about it and LOST SERVICE in the middle which has never happened before in my apartment #that was the final straw and now i'm just sitting here weeping feeling sorry for myself #i hate this fucking property management company why can't they just keep their units habitable

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corpsentry · 4 months ago

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black eyes

#my stuff #my writing #mein fucking goat i cannot keep having dreams about my ex and yet it is happening still #this is one of the less remarkable ones even. i’ve had two in the past month where i try desperately to give them a flatscreen tv #and one of those big ones too. like 40 inches across. i don’t own a flatscreen tv #i’ll admit it being in singapore is hitting me like a brick to the balls and i am grievously unwell #it’s like i come back and all the work i put in to deal with my anxiety and depression gets high in the woods and dies #but that’s not the point. the point is devoid of friends (in fucking america) and a hyperfixation (haven’t found anything that’s stuck)#i am full of nothing but yearning. good ol classic yearning. and i am so moved on from my ex but i keep trying to give them this fucking tv #!!!! ?????? huh????????????? mayne got………#a girlfriend or a cat would fix me. or leaving this country take your pick #working on it #i’ve made a to do list to combat my i have lost the will to do things problem #and on it is APPLY TO JOBS (note; outside singapore (note: outside america too))#i have a plan and it’s to get as far away as possible and live #we’re getting there #in the meantime here’s a funny poem #i was so. in the dream i actually wanted to see them which is crazy. top 10 bad fan characterizations #but it was a dream with a good color palette. all cool whites and grays and a deep deep blue for the night #cold cold white snow. etc. so of course i had to write about it #which i have done. and now i am going to sleep #good bye

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago

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:-P

#ever feel like this sometimes? feel unhinged? just for a bit? filled with bad thoughts?#and then u cut to me irl and im sitting there. juggling my leg. looking totally normal. looking like i dont wanna start screaming #but like its all good. but also its giving maybe i should stay up all night. bc i got like 8hrs of sleep last night for the 1st time in #like a month. so like im good. but then 2 seconds later im like. no im normal #im so normal. i will go to sleep. i am normal. i am letting my problems blaze out of control bc i cant make my brain deal with thrm but #its ya kno. all good. in a week ill be on vacation #but we up bby! hormonally inflated mood YAYYYYYYYY. keep it up woooooooh #i dont kno how to describe it but its like being propelled from sinking to tilting up and walking on water #me

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fearandhatred · 7 months ago

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i always have to have something wrong with me at all times and there are always about fifteen different factors that could have caused that Something Wrong With Me so i can never fix it

#fearandhatred #for a long while i got sick really easily and i would wake up with colds that would last the whole day (and only a day)#and i could not figure out why #like did i not drink enough water? exercise? did i sleep late? period? etc.#and for the longest time i didn't know what it was until i discovered MOLD IN MY ROOM #and even then my dad kept guilt tripping me saying it was because i never drink enough water #even though i do. and even though my symptoms became itchy throat and ears on top of my colds #and then my mom made me move to my brother's room and all my problems cleared immediately lol. after months or maybe years #see what happens when you listen to your child #wait i went on a tangent but basically now my jaw hurts. like one side is tight #and idk if it's because i'm stressed or i grind my teeth in my sleep or i have a tooth decay or because i keep not wearing my retainers #anyway i always have to have something wrong with me which is funny because if i'm not sick then some part of my mouth hurts #or i accidentally injure myself #or one part of my body aches for no reason #or i'm on my period #genuinely cannot catch a break from this SHIT like bro i'm too young for this #anyway. peace and love

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palms-upturned · 7 months ago

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#meg talks #feeling really down and frustrated #ever since i caught covid over the new year ive just been doing so badly #it’s now halfway through may and not only am i having all sorts of weird new pain problems #to the point where i dragged myself to the er yesterday bc my usual meds didn’t do shit for me and i spent seven hours writhing in pain #but also mentally im just. constantly tapped out #before covid i was able to keep up w news and work on research projects and write multiple image descriptions every day and read books #and keep up w friends all while working full time #like even if i was in bed p much whenever i wasn’t at work i could still read and write and carry conversations #now it’s like i can only handle all of these things in small doses before my brain just shuts off #im still keeping up w news and describing what i can and working on my research projects and trying to make connections #but i feel so slow abt everything i do #it’s driving me up the wall #ive been trying for days to get through this one academic paper that’s rlly not even that long #and i just can’t do it. not for long anyway i have to read in small bursts #and then having to take muscle relaxants for these fucking spasms that make me really drowsy and sleep the whole day away…#idk. it might not even be abt covid i might be reading too much into it but it’s just pissing me off. thinking abt how nobody masks anymore #and how every time there’s a covid outbreak i won’t be able to properly protect myself or my brothers from it #bc of this fuckass job #idk im just tired and upset

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spacedkey · 8 months ago

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the eternal struggle of reading webcomics/manga/manh(w/u)a that i think are really good but have cringe ass titles so i can't recommend them without someone doubting my sensibilities and taste in stories

#not that my tastes are *that* good...#or do people ask me for good comics often enough for this to be a real problem #or.. people talking to me at all for this conversation to come up...#anyway please ask for some comics to read. i need someone to join me in my warrior's path #of reading things but never finishing them because either they aren't done being #written and/or translated yet..#or whatever the word for when adhd says i can't read any more because the story is *too* good and so i get paralysis trying to keep reading #to anyone curious-#i just caught up with sss-class revival hunter #and was reminded how much of a sucker i am for romance... ;_:#GUH i can't gush in the tags here... there's already too many tags #but it's soo good #here's my recommend of it for those reading the tags:#really good starting plot- read a synopsis for that i'm bad at that #there's a little dip in attention keeping between the end of the introduction phase and when he starts floor 10 #but if you get past that little dip it's all up hill from there #ough i'm still thinking about it.#IT'S NOT A ROMANCE BTW. the most recent plot is romance but that's not the overarching thing #at least for what's out. idk how much what happened is going to effect the rest of the story #ok ok i need to stop talking about it because i'm getting too riled up and overpowering the melatonin i took. don't want to break my sleep #schedule over this #key's lockbox #rambling in tags #btw i don't have shame in the stuff i read regardless of their bad titles #i just wanted to use this premise to get my words out about enjoying my latest read

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seventh-district · 13 days ago

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#vent #vent post #cw negative #Seven’s Public Diary #wish i wasn’t so fucking worthless and useless and stupid and selfish and mean #i am just so goddamn sick of my own bullshit. but i never change #i’m so tired of being weighed down by my 56492 mental illnesses. i don’t like being like this #my sleep schedule is so fucked up again and im tired of this constant cycle #this constant fight and endless effort to stay on a goddamn routine #all i want for christmas is a goddamn consistent sleep schedule #i hate sleeping through the day and being up all night but it’s like my body was fucking built for that or something #i don’t like it!! i want to be an early bird who goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up before the sun rises!!! but im the exact opposite!!!!!!!#i wish i just didn’t need to sleep at all. that would be the ideal. so many problems would be solved.#no i Really wish i just had the ability to fall asleep and wake up whenever i actually Want To instead of my body calling the shots #fell asleep at 9 this morning and im so mad that i didn’t get up when i was woken up at 11 #a 2hr nap would’ve been fine and i would’ve made it through the rest of the day and been able to fucking sleep again tonight #but noOOooOoOo i had to give in to the allure of my warm cozy bed and fall back asleep for 9 more goddamn hours #now once again im too awake and rested to be able to go back to sleep. but once morning rolls around im gonna be exhausted again #and i’ll either give in and attempt to take a ‘nap’ and it’ll turn into a 12hr sleep again #or i’ll have to like. walk laps around the fucking house just to keep myself awake through the day #and i’ll be super irritable as a result and make everyone around me miserable too #but everyone is already beyond fed up with my issues and behavior. rightly so i guess. so i lose either way #god there was so much stuff i was gonna/supposed to do today #i don’t know how much longer they’re gonna put up with me being such a deadbeat #you think that’d like. motivate me to get my shit together or something but no. i’m addicted to being unconscious i guess #sleep feels so fucking good. until i wake up. which is funny bc it’s all nightmares and stress dreams anyway. why do i even enjoy sleeping #i guess bc for the first few hours after waking up i experience some modicum of relief from my other mental illnesses’ symptoms #like a soft reset.#and it’s the Only thing that gets rid of my migraines so god forbid i get one of those bc then i Have to sleep regardless of the time of day #anyways! :) that’s enough whining for one vent post. time to go do something productive

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deinony · 22 days ago

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yea I mean it's ok. you know like. We're all getting older. I guess our best years are just behind us. its Fine...it's just. It is what it is

#tiring to stay up til 5am trying not to hurt myself or like seek reckless behaviour.... im so tired too #im rly afraid of the nightmares i keep having from stress and other stuff they keep me from sleeping wellc #trying to not think of how i wish i had smth to help me sleep cos ive been having too many problems w taking meds lately #idk. tired :(#ghoul.txt

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her-canine-teeth · 9 months ago

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sugar water by flower face

#yellowjackets #jackieshauna #this is the 4th installment of 'making edits to every song from the album 'shark in your water' to jackieshauna'#guys weve come so far im so proud #only like. Idk 6 more songs to go? not sure but I WILL do it.#anyways so I dont fully like this one. like I think it's good its an alright edit #but doesnt live up to my standards. but Idk what i couldve done to make it better just yet soo #mostly i dont like the ending (the song is like 3mins with an amazing solo but I didnt have any ideas for that)#but I am very proud of the like fast parts #notably 'he likes to keep me half way out' and 'he's got a sharp twist no he's wicked in the heart etc'#REALLY proud of yk girls like me weve got a slow pulse. TRUTH #lol I always use that for anything that has to do with sleeping/cold ive come to realize #just like the bridge is synonym for dreaming Idk why #mine art tag #omg also love the float up to the sky part #the beginning not though which sucks bc the beginning is definitionally (?) the first thing ppl see.#BEAR WITH ME IT GETS GOOD #anyways this was the firdt song in which i had like any problems with the lyrics. curious #still loved making it #i have SO many ideas but I cant rlly make two edits at the same time like I hab to finish one and then I can start the other ones #soo youre gonna get them but probably after the shark in you water thing is donee #stay tuned gamers #mitos incredible life #jackieshauna: The Shark In Your Water

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encryptedlunacy · 1 month ago

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Not to misquote that one guy but I scrabble with sleep like a bar of soap in the shower

#by desperately clinging on to something that is violently evading my grasp #been attempting slumber under the spell of whale noises #which is a new kind of horror in it's own way ngl #but they don't help me GET to sleep they just make me wanna KEEP sleeping #which is not really my problem bro I can't get there and I can't stay there #reminding me of my own exhaustion is not what I need from whales I need blunt force to the back of the head #there is most definitely the WILL but there is seemingly no WAY

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kyofsonder · 2 months ago

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Physically, I'm already lying down.

Emotionally, I feel like I need to find a soft spot and crumple dramatically to the ground and lay down for a few weeks.

#sonder speaks #personal #but also if I wasn't fine with this being read/reblogged without context I wouldn't have posted it here #this week has been exhausting #I feel like I need permission from someone to go crawl into a nest and cry #one of my budgies died a few days ago #but I was looking after other animals that normally have a more dedicated caretaker #which was hard enough to handle that I couldn't really mourn my budgie much #especially when I need to keep happy around the remaining one so he doesn't grieve or get lonely #and I had to do a few specific tasks that are really really hard on me because nobody was there to help #and I tried to help my sister with things but none of the things worked #and a plan our family is excited about started to hit roadblocks #and one member of the family had a meltdown that triggered trauma in others in the family and drove things downhill #the family members at the center of this meltdown normally help me with chores and animal care #I was looking forward to them being home so I could rest and recuperatr and mourn #and now the meltdown has followed them here and it's built on top of years of other meltdowns and everything is tense #and of course it's bringing up old traumas and expectations and fears for me too #and I end up as a 30 year old feeling like he has 16 year old problems again #my whole body is tense #I'm not tired enough to sleep #I almost feel like crying for my budgie and all my fears and the things I let mysrlf get excited for #the things that either won't happen at all or are tainted by this veil of persistent bitterness that followed them home to me #almost #but I fear the possibility that crying could make things worse in any capacity #and I've struggled to cry for years anyway #so I'm just trying to use therapy tools to quiet the spiraling thoughts #and making this post because it feels like journaling without the pitfalls I fall into while journaling or talking directly to a person #hoping I'll get enough sleep that I don't accidentally trigger a sleep-deprivation/stress seizure my meds can't stop #and tomorrow I have to get back to studying which is very hard for me but gets me closer to making money #I liked when things were mostly good and calm and just sucked on a passive level -- can I have that again?

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imaginealpha · 2 months ago

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Tech product guides trying to troubleshoot your issues: lol have you tried turning it off and turning it on again 🧐 I'm not going to read any of the things you said you did, if it doesn't work then get fucked. Go to settings and click this option that you said isn't even there anymore

Reddit: here's some actual helpful suggestions on where to find settings that can fix your problem. We're more reliable than google search. Except for when we just tell you to buy new hardware instead of trying to fix your problem

Some obscure tech blog article from 7 years ago: i *google ad* gotchu *google ad* *google ad* *troubleshooter you never knew existed* *google ad* *solution to your problem*

#tell me why i just spent the last four hours troubleshooting issues caused by NOT PLUGGING IN ESSENTIAL CABLES #in my defense i havent worked on the internals of a pc in seven years #but goddamn it was infuriating that the solution to my problems was to plug in a cable three times in a row #it's almost like i didnt have unnecessary cables in there and was keeping the extra one for a reason #but of course the fucking product site wont tell you this #i had to figure out i was missing the goddamn power cable from a youtube video on the bluetooth card installation #and before that i had to plug in a cable that my brother (the person who GAVE ME THIS MOTHERBOARD) said was unnecessary #like HOW did your computer function. mister sir this thing froze on startup without the cpu power supplement cable #extra support my ass #i would love it if msi motherboard installation guides mentioned the bluetooth cable too but noooo #may god help you if you ever have a bluetooth issue because ive had them plenty of times and they are fucking impossible to fix #this is why i quit robotics LMAO #anyways. rant over my pc is built now and the new setup is sooo pretty.#my brother did one thing right with this motherboard and that was installing ram with rgb leds 🥰#rainbow hardware my beloved #my old motherboard had these gorgeous leds and then they just stopped working :c i want more #at least this giant desktop is off my floor now. a tour group apparently was here while i wasn't on monday #(super pissed about that btw. if it happens again i will be tearing the office a new one bc we weren't even notified)#like i kicked that thing plenty just trying to walk around my room. it was right by the door. god wont save you if you break my shit #if someone else kicked that thing while in my apartment when i wasn't here. hoo boy #ok that's enough it's 6am and i finished my cocoa espresso three hours ago. i have two athletic classes today i need to sleep #imaginechats #<- new tag!! i might start rambling more #bc i love never shutting the fuck up 😄#it is a play on imaginecat btw if anyone was wondering. i go by that occasionally as a play on imaginealpha #less formal more cute nickname type thing

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sourkitsch · 2 months ago

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I will not make threats of violence against two specific people who have wronged me in the past 4 months

#up thinking evil thoughts and I need to get up for work tomorrow :(#I wish I’d never met them. how much happier my life would be….#I think what’s keeping me from getting sleep is my inability to cry like maybe that’s the whole problem #I’m bad at expressing emotions they just rot me from the inside instead

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