#probably update them later with pics a. quotes or something

[kingofhearts709]

its been years and years and i found it in my drafts so lets go!!! update time!!!

nicknames: call me vinnie or pj!

gender: trans masc nonbinary! they/them are my main pronouns, and sometimes he/him! you can also call me "girl" in same way you can call me "bro"

star sign: leo/virgo cusp! august 23rd babey

height: im 5'6.5" and yes i count the half inch!!!! its what they said at the doctors office!!!

time: its 10:49pm because its my day off so i dont have to go to bed early!!

birthday: like i said, august 23rd! its also the day pompeii was covered in volcanic ash. thats the only fact i know.

favourite bands: ninja sex party is my favourite band!!! GOAT for me!!!

favourite solo artist: dont really have one!! been listening to a lot of doja cat recently tho <3

song stuck in my head: funnily enough, "ain't shit" by doja cat! listened to the song like 3 times today

last movie i watched: sonic the hedgehog!! funny lil blue dude

last show i watched: JUST finished season 2 of brooklyn-99!!! jake peralta is my current blorbo and current love of my life

when did i create my blog: long time ago! lots of years ago. never changed the url or the username!

what do i post: things i like, art i like, anything, really!

last thing i googled: "la knight" because he unexpectedly showed up in an episode of b99 as a guy getting married and i wanted to know if he had a wife or not

do i have any other blogs: if you like aesthetic, visit my aesthetic blog, @vpj-aesthetics !! prof pic and bg pic are both my art and the blog is just for fun!!

do i get asks: nah. but do feel free to send me anything if you feel like it!

why i chose my url: it was already my username on everything else, so i just carried it over

following: a LOT of people

followers: also a LOT of people imho, like 1400 or something

average hours of sleep: idk. anywhere from 4 to 11 hours. depends on my burnout that week

lucky number: dont have one! although i love increments of five. they just remind me of blocks :)

instruments: piano, violin, ukulele, and my voice. and a music program if that counts!

what am i wearing: faux jorts. fjorts, if you will. and a sleeveless tank with a quote from the love simon book, "why is straight the default?" bc it was difficult for me to get better pride themed stuff at the time

dream job: musician and/or writer! something involved with those somehow! or something where i can just organise all day every day forever

dream trip: i wanna go to LONDON i wanna see the london eye and go to museums and drive on the other side of the road!!!!

favourite food: sushi! gimme a roll of sushi without cream cheese and ill kiss you

nationality: if you havent guessed it, im american. specifically californian so you cna go ahead and make the cali jokes. theyre probably all true hehe

favourite song: "wish you were here" by pink floyd. listened to it a lot when i was in high school getting through depression. very grounding

last book read: can i count fanfiction? ive been reading my old fics. if it doesnt, i have a half read book in my bag i havent touched in months. "ghost hunters adventure club" book 2

top three fictional universes id want to join: first off, i wanna be in the doctor who universe, no question. also because ive been binging it, i wanna be in the brooklyn-99 universe AS a detective in the 99 because shut up!!!! thirdly, i think being in the saiki k. universe would be interesting

alright, update over! later y'all! im gonna go update more fics hehe

™ 『 30 questions 』

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs who have to answer them!

@lilbubsie tagged me!!!

1. nicknames: vi, vinnie, bear, face, baby, sweetheart

2. gender: male

3. star sign: leo/virgo, but i usually just go with leo

4. height: 5’8″ or something?

5. time: 10:47 pm

6. birthday: august (agust d) 23rd

7. favorite bands: currently bts and twice (LIKEY IS SO GOOD I CAN’T STOP DOING THE LITTLE DANCE) and then some bands everywhere

8. favorite solo artist: i don’t really listen to many solo artists actually. i guess psy is a solo artist. hyunah, taemin too. p!nk is a babe of mine <3

9. song stuck in my head: likey by twice because i wrote it and now i’m just going “na na na-na-na na na”

10. last movie i watched: before i start watching one right now, i think it was good will hunting. i didn’t watch it all the way through but i’ve seen it already. good movie, definitely recommend it <3

11. last show i watched: american horror story! if you’re talking about what i watched on my own, it was the devil is a part timer. i watch ahs with my mom

12. when did i create my blog: this is a question even i can’t answer. i don’t know, somewhere around four years ago or something? they still haven’t let me  update my blog so i can view nsfw stuff even though i’m 18. hopefully it’ll fix when it turns 2018

13. what do i post: pretty much anything and everything. lots of memes and relatable™ posts, and then lots and lots of bts and got7 or any general k-pop

14. last thing i googled: ”monster madness battle for suburbia characters” I WANTED TO KNOW IF MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE WAS ONE OF THE VOICES

15. do i have any other blogs: i do but i never post anything on them. well i do for @itsminsugastd, which is just a fanblog(?) of what i imagine min yoongi would post (also has a twitter under the same name lmao) because i get bored, so that’s just every once in awhile. i’ve got a fanfic blog @kingofhearts709-fanfiction that i’ve neglected because i literally can’t write anything on because i suck

16. do i get asks: i wish i got more asks. come send me some about whatever you want to talk about! can be nsfw, can just be fun, can be a question or comment, literally you can say something totally random and i’ll roll with it

17. why i chose my url: it was originally my deviantart username (which i am still active on mind you) and i just carried it over to all my other medias

18. following: 2415. i like a lot of content

19. followers: 889! lots of porn-bots follow me for some reason, and it’s taken me literally four years to get this many so w o w

20. average hours of sleep: depends. maybe 6 on average? sometimes more if i’m really tired, sometimes less if i wanna stay up and play video games or other things

21. lucky number: it’s been 17 and stuff like 101 for awhile. it used to be my age every single year and that’s when i’d change it, but 18 doesn’t feel like a lucky number to me

22. instruments: piano, ukulele (sort of) and violin! i guess sort of guitar but i don’t really like playing it, my fingers don’t cooperate

23. what am i wearing: some green pyjama bottoms, a doctor who shirt i fashioned into a sleeveless crop top, a grey camo bandana to keep my hair out of my face, and my big chunky glasses <3 

24. dream job: i would LOVE to be a writer or something! or maybe a singer or musician. but i really like just having a job and doing lots of hobbies, so my realistic dream job would just be a place (like a corporate company or something) that i could grow in and have it be enough to support me so i could go home and do all my hobbies i like to do

25. dream trip: i’ve always really wanted to go to the uk. i don’t know if it’s my inner tween telling me this, but the uk (probably london and then i would branch out to like wales and stuff) has always been really cool to me. then probably japan, china, korea, etc.

26. favorite food: sushi! if you buy me sushi i will love you forever

27. nationality: i guess american? no one ever asks me this question

28. favorite song: anything from moulin rouge! is a good one. and then of course beyond that it’s impossible to choose

29. last book read: speak. i didn’t even finish it but i’ve read it about ten times and it makes me really sad and thought-provoking when i finish it. sensitive topics, but it’s a really good read.

30. top three fictional universes i’d want to join: ouran koukou host club universe, they look like they have so much damn fun. and of course the doctor who universe, i don’t watch it anymore, but i’d love to just see a blue police box and have my dreams come true. i can’t really think of a third one, i guess the sherlock universe? that would be super cool.

thanks to lilbubsie for tagging me! i don’t really have anyone else to tag, so how bout i just say that ANYONE WHO WANTS TO DO IT JUST FILL IT OUT! i tag all of you! xoxo

[sportyclown]

how sawamura, miyuki, yuki, and kuramochi text (friends + s/os)

will most likely do a part 2 with more boys at a later date! these got freakishly long because i am, at my core, a very mad. also might revisit as i get re-familiar with the characters, i just had this idea floating around in my head. also the way these got pro

sawamura eijun

no matter who he texts, it’s always extremely extra. not only does he always give more information than you asked for – ex. if you text him wya? he will give you a play by play of his entire route or something

 he also uses tons of emoticons. and yes I do mean emoticons, baby boy has a flip phone. ifhe does eventually get a smart phone, then this boy overuses tf out of emojis. he’s the sort of person that sees someone use a combination of emojis he likes and then tries to copy them, but uses it completely incorrectly, but its v cute.

if you send him a meme, he will respond with an unnecessary amount of hahas. 

when he’s texting his lil bae, they’re always on his mind so he ofc texts them every thought that comes to his mind! when he sees something that reminds him of you, he won’t hesitate to share it with you. 

if you have been together for a long time, then we will definitely text you words of affirmation and be very honest/blunt about how he feels about you. he’s also always sure to ask you about your day - and he seriously cares. but i still i feel like with a s/o he would prefer facetime to texting just because he likes to see you :)

overall, a very adorable texter and his enthusiasm is just as contagious when texting as it is in person. he’s kind of clueless so he doesn’t pick up on subtext. so be blunt, just like he will be with you~

kuromochi youichi

my bias might be showing here, but I feel like he is one of the most well-adjusted boys in terms of being ready for a serious relationship tbh (at least post-high school). i mean we all saw that he regularly corresponded with wakana wish that were me lmao

i think he would most often use proper capitalization, but not to the point where he uses a period after every text

would send his friends news articles about his favorite fighting games where u like gaming or not

a meme fiend in general. the sort of person who uses reaction images of people he knows. (if you’re dating, he would still have a stash of funny pics/screenshots of you on ft, but he’d ofc only use them with you <3). his convos with his friends are rarely serious

 i don’t think he’d be the type to text haha out loud, but he does use LOL on occasion. with close friends/his lil bae he might send a voice memo of him laughing hysterically if you send him something REALLY funny. ugh my annoying king <3

unlike eijun he’s the king of being perceptive / picking up subtext. 

similarly, i do think he’s pretty reliable, but for friends i feel like he might make a lil bit of a stink lmao. like lets say a friend wants him to pick something up for them, he might play like he won’t do it then miraculously shows up with the requested item. its giving tsundere vibes on the low.

with his partner: i feel like he would use emojis when he’s trying to be ~cute~. i think with a established partner he’d be pretty flirty still but he’s v much whipped for his partner so its way more mushy than it would be early in the relationship.

yes your name has hearts/stars in his phone. mans is a SAP for you

his love language is more quality time imo, so I think he values time spent with you over texting time. so a lot of your texts might be asking you to come over to hang out / get a meal or vice versa

like eijun he wants to hear about YOU, and is very supportive and good at advice when he wants to be. he can be goofy but this is how he shows you he cares/sees you as more than a friend

he’s a blushy/shy boy with his s/o esp early in the relationship, so he might be hesitant or nervous to say “i love you” or anything like that outright, but you know anyway, which just makes the times when he does outright say it that much sweeter.

miyuki kazuya

i mean it goes without saying that this man is snarky. he’s not a meme king himself but he enjoys when people send them to him and will usually play off the meme to make his own jokes.

i feel like he also likes deep-fried memes or the very abstract, post-modern memes. miyuki is good at making other people laugh, but he has a generally very-off brand humor and the things that make him cackle hardest are either at someone else’s expense (very similar to kuramochi, so they bond a lot over that) or just indiscernible without access to a huge layer of context/background

saves the reaction photos kuramochi sends him, but doesn’t usually use them. but seeing an ugly pic of eijun yelling never fails to make him grin LMAO

i think he also texts A LOT about baseball, even more so than these other baseball dummies. texts his teammates a lot of articles he reads or clips from games/cool plays. this is mostly about texts, but in terms of social media I think miyuki uses twitter/instagram the most especially for baseball related reasons, while kuramochi uses snapchat the most. 

he probably texts a lot about baseball as well, both seriously and playfully

i can see him using hahas and LOLs in equal measure, but he would also utilize the haha reaction if he had an iphone. this boy does value his wit so he would definitely have commentary about any memes or jokes he’s sent

you won’t win a joke war against him, he will definitely one-up whatever you send him with either a one-liner or another joke. how tf does he do it?

definitely ignores people/conversations if he really wants to - but ofc he never does that to his BAE

if miyuki give you a dry one-line response...he’s not interested at all or he’s feeling frustrated about something else. but when he’s really happy? he will text his friends all the time and spam them! i see him as someone who enjoys texting when he has the attention span/state of mind for it. and when he’s texting his s/o his texting gets even more ~flavorful~

wit his lil bae: i don’t think miyuki would switch it up much w his s/o. is probably even more teasing with you over text than he is with his friends, which is saying something.

like talking with you just by nature of you being his partner. prob prefers texts to facetime because text kinda allows for maximum snark

he LIVES for you guys’ witty back and forth 

if he’s traveling for work or something, will definitely relish in you guys binge texting a tv show or something but just making funny commentary (or he’ll just send you funny commentary to get a reaction)

 he can dish it and he’s also not a super sensitive guy so he can take it tenfold from you as well. nothing y’all wouldn’t be used to when talking in person!

sometimes when texting him you’ll want to beat his a*s because he can be so cheeky but its endearing in a way. he definitely adds emojis to the end of his more annoying messages to give it that loveable vibe (and it works ofc, we love u miyuki)

he’s kinda clingy on the low so i think he’d prefer a partner that’s more open with their affection via text than he is. he would live for your random ilys or whatver throughout the day. also would not mind at all if you updated him on your actions throughout the day or sent him snaps - might not be able to respond to everything, but will react and appreciate it. very likely to make jokes about whatever you’re doing.

would also apologize over text. he’s not always used to apologizing can be awkward about it, so text makes it easier for him.

he would use emojis w you in a joking/ironic way. would absolute use those dumb but genius emoji combinations

yuki tetsuya

i’m literally cracking up thinking about texting him. he is one of my ultimate baes but im sorry i just know he texts dry asf. but its part of his charm!

has a flip phone. either never upgrades or gets the chunkiest most basic android if he is forced to

the thing is this man thinks that he is infusing all his texts with, like, tajin level seasoning, when in reality its pepper

uses punctuation. always. exclamation marks are used sparingly to express excitement.

but i can’t get the image out of my head of an upset tetsuya texting you a simple angry emoji (or the angry emoticon >:( LOL) if he’s reeeeeeally mad. but its v cute i can’t take him seriously. i just want to give him a hug <3

 but you know what he is so PASSIONATE about whatever he’s talking about that his passion bleeds into his text through sheer quantity of words and depth of thought. ultimately, all his conversations end up being extremely flavorful in terms of content. he is surprisingly good at having deep conversations over text.

he’s better at holding conversations with more extroverted personalities, truthfully.

he’s another one who sends random things to people when he thinks about them. miyuki of course gets so many texts/thoughts about shogi. if you get a random haiku, poem, or quote from testu, that means you’re blessed enough to be in his inner circle! he definitely thought of you when he read it and and wants you to respond!

with bae: he doesn’t really change up his texting style tbh, but he has a stronger outward reaction to what YOU text in response.

definitely the type to smile almost imperceptibly at his phone as he texts you, even if you send him something like “hey i’m at the store, want anything?”

he’s not great as verbal affection early in the relationship, so you’ll have to discern his love/affection. however baby boy is NOT afraid to just straight up say he loves you, he does it all the time and early.

he’s KNOWN for being reliable and responsible, so he will be at your beck and call when he’s able to for anything you need, but his heart is also warmed by the thought of you reciprocating that care. if your texts show him you’re thinking of him just like he does too. he’s very gentle and sweet, and checks up on you when he’s able to see if you need anything at all.

he might be reliable, but that doesn’t mean that he’s the quickest guy to respond to texts. he’s a busy guy, and he doesn’t think about his phone all the time, but he will always get back to you (bae does not play when it comes to completing things).

if they came up with a shogi game for gamepidgeon and tetsu had an iphone, your phone probably would be spammed with requests for games lol.

this is my first time doing headcanons like this so please let me know what you think or give me tips on how to improve! I really enjoying thinking about it so I hope to do more in the future <3

[calqlate]

what i think bts' personal instagram accounts would be like

view m.list!

kim namjoon

possible handles: kim.realme, knjoon1209, k.joonie94 (his OLD users would probably be rap.mon1209 or rmonster_bts, yk something along the lines of that)

— straight-up plant dad. he will post about his bonsais at every chance he gets, especially on his igstory. he even has highlights dedicated to every plant of his, and he even names them 🥺. every once in a while, he will update with a picture of his studio and captions "working" with the time of the day plastered on it. he also posts aesthetic museum pictures (ref: those that he posts on their shared twitter account) and don't forget his selfies! oh, and pictures that he took during his bicycle rides (he will use the hashtag #namjooning). once in a blue moon, he will post thirst trap pics to get a good laugh out of everyone's comments under that same post.

kim seokjin

possible handles: wwh_jin, kim.seokjin0412, kimseokjin

— lots and lots of selfies. probably selfies only. he never lets anyone else take his pictures for his instagram feed. he posts either the most embarrassing or random photos when wishing his members happy birthday, there's no in-between. he will post every now and then on his igstory, but it's mostly about food. he also posts pics about his pets and has highlights dedicated to each of them, and he will leave them up even after they have passed away.

min yoongi

possible handles: suga_geniuslab, minyoongi.0903, min.sugagustd

— he barely posts on instagram 💀. every now and then, he might drop a selfie. keyword: might. he updates more on his igstory, though it's still not much, really. he will most likely post on his igstory that he's working, or starting a vlive. he's the one that gets tagged in his members' posts and igstories, not the one making them. in short: he posts as often as jinyoung (got7) 💀.

jung hoseok

possible handles: jung_hoseok_1802, j_hope_here, jhobi_

— yk those 2010s insta feeds with inspirational quotes. that's his captions on the large majority of his posts. definitely posts lots of selfies of any sort (from your regular kind on selfie mode to mirror selfies). he will post about any kaws products that he buys or receives (they're not sponsored posts). his igstory is usually a mickey update and he has highlights for them. once in a while he will wear one of the clothes from his sister's store and tags jiwoo in the post. he will post dancing videos on igtv. he has a very wholesome feed in general, please protect him 🥺.

park jimin

possible handles: jimin_park, parkjimin131095, parkjimin___

— selfie dump. not like the jimin stans are complaining, they thrive on his feed. he will accidentally leak his hair colour for their new comeback or spoil something in their comeback and then delete the post seconds later, but quick fans would have already screenshotted that very post by then and spread it around multiple social media sites like wildfire. he also colour-corrects his photos before uploading them to maintain a very pleasing aesthetic. and if another member takes the photo(s) that he post(s), he will caption it: photo. [member name]. his igstory and post captions will also be "보고싶어 아미 (i miss you army) 💜".

kim taehyung

possible handles: vante301295, kim.taehyung, taetaevv

— he used to post selfies once a month or so, but then it dwindled down to nothing. he posts more pictures featuring yeontan, and he teaches yeontan new tricks in every video. at this point, he barely uses instagram. he even forgot his own password. he probably got locked out for a couple of months before he finally has an eureka moment and managed to log back in, only to post nothing. but he will remember to post a picture that he took on the mv set a few weeks after a new mv release.

jeon jungkook

possible handles: j_jungkook_, jungkook_0109, jk_gcf

— he robs everyone of pictures of himself. not even selfies. just any picture of himself. but he will post them once in a blue moon. he mostly posts photography pictures that he took and takes social media cleansing to a maddening degree. his igstory, however, is him filming his other members doing something funny. he will use those zoom filters when filming them, too. once in a while, he will also drop 97z pics whenever they hang out. he's the one that comments "우와 형 진짜 멋있어 (wow hyung you're so cool)👍👍👍" on namjoon's thirst trap posts.

[peralta-guaranteed]

hc or ficlet of teddy proposing you amy again but this time jake decides enough is enough

(Read it on AO3)

“You’re probably wondering why I called you here.” Charles says in a deep, low voice.

“Are we not just having drinks?” Jake asks as he hands Rosa her beer and Charles his fruity rosé-tinted cocktail with a berry garnish.

“No! There are far more pressing matters at hand!”

Jake and Rosa clink their bottles together before the first sip, waiting for Charles to continue on his dramatic tangent, as he needs to do sometimes.

“Amy is going to a seminar in Staten Island next week.” He gives them both a deep stare.

“You might be surprised, bud, but I do know that.”

“Teddy is also going to that seminar.”

Jake stops mid-drink.

“I did not know that.”

“Neither does Amy.” Rosa cuts in. “Or she definitely woulda mentioned it.”

“He’s actually attended this seminar twice before, so I deduced that he’s not going for the learning material this time.” Charles leans back almost triumphantly.

“Yeah, it really doesn’t take a detective to figure that out.” Jake is trying to keep busy peeling the label off of his bottle, but Rosa can tell he’s clearly failing. There’s a furrow in his brow she’s rarely ever seen before.

“We have to stop him! He’s going to propose again, or do something romantic, or make a call-back to the seminar where they met, and Amy’s gonna get all confused-”

“My wife of four years and mother of my son is going to get confused by an unstable ex?” Jake’s voice is - bitter, Rosa thinks, is the best way to describe it, and she doesn’t think she’s ever heard that tone from him. Neither has Charles, it seems, because he backpedals immediately.

“Well, no, but- I mean- Amy is going to be upset- she’s been looking forward to that seminar and Teddy is going to ruin it!” He sputters, and Rosa can’t help but nod.

“And what do you suggest we do about that? We can’t keep Teddy from attending a work-thing, and I’m not going to stop Amy from going.”

“We can- we could kidnap Teddy just for the week, and then-”

“Kidnap a police officer.” Rosa interrupts again. “Because that’s gonna go over so well with the authorities.”

“Well then Jake can go to the seminar as well, and punch him out if he tries anything-”

“Yeah, because Holt’s totally not gonna be suspicious when Jake asks to go to a seminar that doesn’t involve some action training.” Rosa quips.

“I’m also not that big a fan of the idea of punching a man for, like, talking to my wife.” Jake grumbles, the label of his beer now completely gone, and only half-sounds convincing.

“It would be for love!” “It would be fucking creepy, is what it would be. Like I’m laying claim to some property or something in the most machismo-asshole way possible.”

“Yeah.” Rosa nods. “Amy’s a grown woman, she can tell him to fuck off herself, and she’s done it before. She doesn’t need us to bring chaos to her ‘fun’ little seminar.” She does sarcastic finger quotes around ‘fun’, but she also does know how much Amy is looking forward to this boring thing again - it’s her first time away from Mac on her own, and she’s planned her own trip just as meticulously as she’s planned for Jake’s stay with the kid, as if he has never taken care of his own child before, and kept her up to date on all of it in case she needs to jump in and help in any situation (which she won’t, but she might go over for a playdate anyway, just to see her godson).

Charles grumbles a bit more, something about ‘true love’ and ‘knights in shining armour’, but he drops the subject before their first round is finished and they can actually spend a nice evening together.

-*-

Rosa hands Jake a beer in return, once Charles has called it quits for the night because he has to go say goodnight to Nikolaj (Jake facetimed Amy and Mac instead and promised he’d be home soon, to which Amy rolled her eyes and said ‘Sure, babe. Tell Rosa to keep you out longer for some fun, please.’ the same way he had when Rosa had picked her up for a girls night two weeks ago).

“You okay?” She asks as she watches him peel the edge of the label almost immediately.

“Charles has really gotten into my head. I hate it when that happens.” He sighs as he lets go of the paper and drinks instead.

“Again: Amy’s a grown woman.”

“I know.” He’s fiddling with the label again after just one sip. “It’s just that all this Teddy-shit really does upset her. I mean, not in the ‘confused’ way like Charles said, which is bullshit.” The furrow is back for a second, Rosa notes. “But like… she just mulls it over in her head so much and it makes her feel like shit even if she won’t say it. I think the stunts he pulled at our wedding bothered her more than the whole thing actually being cancelled.”

Rosa nods as she takes her own first sip. She remembers Amy’s face when she realised Teddy was also at that stroller-contest thing she dragged her to. She remembers her face when they finally drove back to the precinct together too. She knows her friend, and if there’s anyone who knows her even better, it’s obviously Jake.

“So we gotta prevent that somehow.” She tries to continue the conversation without delving into Charles-level shenanigan-planning.

“”I just don’t want Amy’s first time off from Mac to suck because of some inconsiderate asshole. But I can’t exactly go along with her like Charles suggested, I have a kid to take care of, and also that idea is kinda insane.”

“Guess I gotta make sure it doesn’t suck, then.” Rosa finishes her beer and tries to ignore Jake’s gobsmacked stare at her. She doesn’t know when it happened, but at some point, apparently, she’s become willing to attend a boring seminar for Santiago.

-*-

Howzit goin

learn to write like an adult Peralta

also your wife will not stop talking about your kid

you love him

I do

but I don’t need updates on his bathing habits

no Teddy sightings yet but we’re also way too early because Amy. Keep you posted

Jake smiles at the text chain on his phone and makes a mental note to send her a picture of Mac in the tub later tonight, just to annoy her a bit more. Amy had handed the baby over to him at the precinct like she was going on a year-long world-cruise instead of just a five day overnight stay in another part of their own city, and Rosa had been standing behind her with her travel bag, rolling her eyes.

It had taken surprisingly little to convince both Amy and Holt that Rosa was actually interested enough in the seminar to join it at the last minute, and Amy had immediately included her in her itinerary, as well as offered to drive with her so she didn’t have to carry all her luggage on her motorcycle. Jake was going to owe her so, so many favours after all this.

The Mac-inna-tub picture only gets a grumbling emoji response, but she texts him again at around 9, when Mac is already fast asleep and he’s finally turned on Die Hard at the lowest possible volume to not wake him up again.

Teddy showed up

tried to say Hi (or worse) to Amy but I stared him away

going out for first day drinks with the group. I’ll keep him away. Maybe slip something into his drink.

why do I not question you having something to slip into drinks?

I can do more than just knives

don’t stay up all night watching all Die Hards. You gotta take Mac to daycare early tomorrow

Amy told me to tell you that

sure

and it’s only Die Hard 1 tonight

gonna spread them out over all the evenings

got one night left if you skip 4

The Holiday is on Netflix

you’re a good one Peralta

There’s no more updates until 11am the next morning, long after Mac has gone to daycare right on time, as he’s informed Amy via text to calm her down, and he was at the precinct only 15 minutes late this time.

Teddy pulled out the big guns

he had an actual ring this time. Looked expensive

There’s a sinking feeling in his chest, and he wonders what he should answer before his phone pings again.

I broke the ring

and the box

also his hand (‘accident’ - have to say that for liability)

anyway he’s out of the seminar now I guess because he can’t write anymore

so no need to worry

Jake tries to suppress his grin by biting his lip as he texts her back, Charles already getting a bit suspicious over him smiling at his phone constantly two desks over. He can probably explain it away by claiming he’s been messaging Amy, instead.

You’re my goddamn queen, Diaz

no

Amy is

but I definitely own your ass now too since I have to spend 4 more days in this shit place for you

There’s very few updates the rest of the week (apart from several pics of Amy either working, drinking, or lying hungover in bed in their shared hotel room - Rosa has resolved to make the whole boring thing a whole lot less boring, it seems) even as he keeps texting both ladies with Mac-updates and Mac-pictures.

Amy is all smiles and definitely not upset when they get back to the precinct and he’s already there to pick her up and hand the baby to his excited mama, and even Rosa spares a smile for the two Peralta-boys after the week she’s had.

He sidles up to her as Amy coos over her little boy giving her a hug and hello kisses.

“I really do owe you one, Rosa. Thanks.” “Dude, you owe me several.” She growls. “At least I won’t have to do that ever again. I’d say Teddy’s out of the picture now.”

“Because of one broken hand?”

“Yeah, I visited him in the hospital when he was getting his cast on. To ‘apologise’ for the injury.” Rosa grins, and even her sarcastic finger quotes seem intimidating. “Not even he’s that stupid to try and come back.”

Jake raises his fist, and Rosa reluctantly bumps it before both turn their attention back to Amy, who’s already chatting about weekend plans and offering Rosa a ride home. She takes the offer, if only to play peek-a-bo with Mac in the backseat.

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Wed 4 Sept 2/2

The Face magazine, which hasn't published since 2004, is back with a bang! Sound familiar? You may be thinking of this June, when Harry wore a hoodie with their logo on it. The announcement dropped this morning that Harry would be one of four cover models for their return issue and they dropped a couple (more on that later) pics with the announcement. The announcement included a quote from the piece: "What’s fem­i­nine and what’s mas­cu­line … it’s like there are no lines any more" (on the subject of fashion apparently, but the context-less presentation of it as their lead quote is something indeed.) The gorgeous pictures were taken by Collier Schorr, a respected and interesting queer visual artist who you may remember Harry following in early August. The magazine will be out Fri (??!??!! Yes as in the day after tomorrow, they want to kill us) and is available for order now. More snippets from inside quickly followed: we're told it will feature "fan fiction levels of adoration from Stevie Nicks, Elton John and Alessandro Michele;" predictions? I'm thinking A/B/O from Elton, something angsty and open ended from Stevie, probably a PWP from Allessandro? They previewed a quote about how many pairs of shoes he owns, including "a pair of pink metallic Saint Laurent boots that he has never been photographed wearing," but wears to "get milk." NONSENSE said the fandom and immediately dug up a picture of them posted to Glenne's ig in 2015; but to be fair, it is taken in a store so maybe they were buying milk. The cover picture, a black and white close up, had an artists signature drawn in as a neck tat (do NOT get ideas Harry I beg you): HS and CS sharing an S (for Harry and Collier), and BQE [for Brooklyn Queens Expressway referring to the shoot location], 19, and 'the way.' About location, this looks to be the shoot that was teased by Harry Lambert and Molly Hawkins in July in New York, with the water, and seems to include the pics he took in Brooklyn in late June (last sighting of the mustard flares, lost but not forgotten RIP.) Looks like what people hoped was eyeliner was actually incompletely washed off mascara (not Stevie Nicks' fault this time.) Anyway they quickly went from teasing close up shots of Harry's hands to just dropping the whole ass photoshoot on us and then on top of that someone, unidentified and mysterious, dropped like a million outtakes. Just photos everywhere I don't even know. I can't summarize all these! I counted like 25 and that's probably low! But they're really good you guys like... Really good. Some highlights- his face, these are so incredibly expressive, pics in a tracksuit that make it seem like those articles about him looking like Louis yesterday were dropped a little early, a t shirt that just says TRUTH on it, the retro movie star vibe, the sweetness. They're great. As for the interview, I guess we'll find out Fri: it's by Trey Taylor and the bits we've seen so far feature florid prose worthy of a romance novel so you know, it should be interesting.

Anyway then someone on twitter who hates me posted a very short snippet of what might be an unreleased 1D song from 2014 and if you think I have time for this! They claim there is no more, just that random few seconds, if this develops into more I'll let y'all know but otherwise GOOD DAY SIR I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOU.

Niall and Liam mostly stood aside and let all this play out, but Liam updated his playlist and Niall tweeted, "J’adore la mer." Uh good to know I guess ok thanks. It has been noted that he tweeted something obscure about waves a while back as well...

[ashsilla]

Losses (Part One)

Book: Platinum

Ship: Raleigh Carrera (M) x MC (Suiko Hono)

Rating: T

A/N: Raleigh has a reputation for a reason. Suiko has some feelings she probably shouldn’t have in a doctored relationship. When Raleigh slips up, she is left hurt and reeling — and falling into a comforting set of arms as a result. (Raleigh x MC with a healthy dose of protective older brother Avery) (Set when Raleigh and MC are still in their PR relationship)

Tag List: @lunalixo @sunnyxdazed @furiouscloddonutpeanut @lovedrakewalker

Bzzt.

Suiko snapped awake, her eyes cracking open. Her bedroom was still dark, her sheets wrapped around and around her legs, her hair stuck to her face and tangled.

Bzzt. Bzzt.

Her phone, tucked unceremoniously beneath her pillow, was buzzing like crazy. A small, sad groan escaped her mouth as she realized it must be her alarm, which meant it was morning, which meant she had to get up. Slowly, she lifted the screen, letting it flicker to light.

4:33 in the morning?

That was definitely not her alarm.

And...texts? So many texts.

She saw Fiona and Hank, Shane and Avery, and finally Raleigh. All messages from the last five minutes.

Suiko frowned and clicked open Shane’s message first.

just saw the pic suiko, i’m sorry. know it’s super early but do u want me to come over or something? let me know

What pictures? A small sense of panic began to blossom in her chest. All her half-asleep mind could imagine was an image of her, bedraggled and depressed in the banana suit, dancing on the sidewalk, all over tabloid covers. Please, God, let that not be it. She opened Hank’s message next.

Suiko, has Fiona reached you yet? If not, give me a call. Let me know if you need anything...

The panic spread. Her fingers wobbled as she moved on to Fiona’s messages.

Suiko. Call me.

Are you sleeping?

Look at this when you wake up: http://eenews/raleigh-carrera-returns-to-his-roots-despite-budding-romance-with-starlet-suiko-hono

Meet at the office at 8 AM this morning to discuss how to move forwards.

The panic had turned to full on fear. What had happened that was bad enough to warrant a meeting on “how to move forwards?” Suiko clicked on the link in the text with shaking hands.

A web page popped up — the most popular celebrity gossip site, EE! News. The headline spelled out in big, ugly letters: Raleigh Carrera Returns to His Roots Despite Budding Romance with Starlet Suiko Hono.

She was awake now. And she began to read.

Early last night, infamous R&B bad boy Raleigh Carrera was spotted at Theory Nightclub in Manhattan without Suiko Hono, girlfriend and winner of this season of ‘One in a Million,’ who just released her first album ‘Kamikaze’ last week. Insider reports say he was downing drinks — does this smell of a breakup? — and a photo snapped by a club guest shows that he was getting cozy with an unnamed girl.

Suiko’s heart throbbed in her chest. Even as her muscles seized, she kept reading.

Before he started shacking up with Hono, Carrera infamously dated models Isabella and Gianna Ladid at the same time, resulting in the sisters’ legal battle over their brand. Prior to that, he left one-hit-wonder Koko Dianni broken hearted in a famously quoted public breakup. Has Suiko Hono’s time come to be the next victim of Raleigh’s frigid heart?

Whether Carrera’s choice to get wasted last night was the result of a breakup, boredom, or a return to his old ways, we have many questions! Namely: who is the mystery girl? Where is Suiko Hono? Has the music industry’s newest couple already gone off the rails? Come back to EE! News, your source for celebrity entertainment, for more information as this story unfolds.

Suiko read the article once. Twice. Three times. Each time the words were the same, and each time they were uglier than the last.

It was like being punched in the stomach, but somehow even worse, even more intimate than that, something that wouldn’t go away on its own. Because this would quite possibly never go away.

At the bottom of the article, a picture, blurry but clear enough, was posted. Yes, that was Raleigh all right — all clean lines and dark curls and intrigue. But sitting at his side, so close she might as well be on his lap, was a girl in a green sequined dress whose blonde hair ran in curls down her back. A girl who was definitely not Suiko.

EE! News flashed as another update rolled in. More texts were coming in too, but Suiko was overwhelmed and her vision had started to blur with tears, and the room was dark and disorienting around her in the early morning’s shadows.

Rubbing the moisture from her eyes, she loaded the updated EE! article.

More pictures.

The blonde girl, hand resting on Raleigh’s chest.

Raleigh, licking salt off the edge of a glass and staring at her through his dark lashes.

The two of them locked in a kiss in what looked like the alley outside the club.

Suiko turned her phone off and collapsed back into the sheets, breathing hard. Tightness spiraled between her lungs, and she let out a wheeze.

In her mind, all she could see was Raleigh’s face — grinning down at her after making a joke, smirking when he caught her staring at him, surprisingly gentle when he thought she wasn’t watching. Raleigh, holding her hand on their dates. Raleigh, carrying her through the rain and puddles so her new shoes wouldn’t be ruined. Raleigh helping her brainstorm lyrics and celebrating her album’s release. Raleigh kissing her as if it was the only thing he wanted, the only thing he’d ever wanted.

It was the only thing she wanted, and yet, none of what she so desperately clung to in her memories had been remotely real.

So why was this feeling so real? Why did her heartbeat keep getting faster, her breaths shorter, her tears hotter?

Maybe she’d been kidding herself these past months. Maybe she’d imagined that, somehow, Raleigh had felt the same thing she had -- something new and fragile and beautiful that bloomed when they were together. Something that went deeper than the PR glances and kisses and dates.

Bzzzzzt. Bzzzzzzt.

Someone was calling. Suiko glanced down at the phone with frightened eyes.

It was Raleigh.

Somehow the panic inside her worsened. With a strangled gasp, she watched as the call rang, and rang, and rang, and went to voicemail. After a long minute or two, the voicemail message popped up too. Along with several new texts.

Suiko unlocked her phone, which automatically opened her texts with Raleigh.

can we talk?

i’m sure you’ve seen it by now. call? too much for text

She exhaled sharply and played his voicemail.

“Hey, Suiko. Listen...all of that stuff you’re probably seeing...it’s not what it looks like, okay? Call me. Or come over. Or I can come over there.”

After the last word he spoke, the line stayed silently connected for several seconds before cutting out, like he’d been waiting for a response.

Suiko stared at the messages. ‘It’s not what it looks like’ is what people said when it was exactly what it looked like.

A fresh wave of misery roiled inside her.

Bzzzzzt. Bzzzzzzt.

Another call: from Avery Wilshere.

Suiko hastened to pick up. He immediately spoke on the other line.

“Suiko? Are you alright?”

She paused. “Is it true?” was all that came out of her mouth, and she was disgusted to find that her voice was thick with sleep and tears.

Avery sighed, and she got the feeling that she hadn’t been meant to hear it. “I had Fiona call EE! News. The pictures aren’t fake.”

The last bit of hope that had bloomed in Suiko’s chest shriveled. “Oh,” she whispered into the phone.

“I’m coming over,” said Avery resolutely, the sound of shuffling accompanying his words.

“You don’t have to—”

“Be there in ten.”

The line went dead.

Sure enough, ten minutes later, a sharp knock sounded at the door and Avery Wilshere stood on the other side of the threshold, hair still mussed from sleep, but glowing gold as he always did— even with bedhead.

Before she could say a word, he was folding her into his arms, pulling her tight against his chest. She took a deep inhale, letting herself be grounded by his familiar laundry-and-baked-goods scent. She didn’t realize she was crying until she saw the wet marks on his shirt as they separated.

“What do you need?” he said softly, brushing the hair from her face.

Suiko stared into his good, earnest face. She didn’t know what she needed. Didn’t know what she wanted.

So she said, “Sleep.”

He let out a small, understanding smile, and led her carefully back into her bedroom. “I’ll be right back,” he told her upon depositing her on the bed. In a moment he returned with a glass of water and a hair band.

As she drank, he pulled her long, dark locks back into a braid down her spine. Suiko hadn’t even realized that her hair, sticking to her face and neck, had been contributing to the trapped feeling in her heart.

“I need to sleep,” she told him again.

Avery smiled, his blue eyes gentle. “I’ll be here.”

When she woke up, her phone was buzzing again. This time, sunlight streamed in through the windows, and morning sounds of yelling and car engines and horns penetrated the walls.

Suiko stared at the chair by her bed.

Avery was seated there, one hand propped on his hand, eyes closed as he slept.

A sudden feeling of fondness stretched in her chest as she watched him.

Until the events of the night clawed back into her consciousness. Suiko grabbed her phone. Fiona was calling. She quickly answered.

“Fiona?”

“Where are you?” came the sharp reply. “You were supposed to be here at 8. Am I expected to deal with this circus on my own?”

Suiko couldn’t help it — she sniffled. Just loud enough to be heard over the phone.

“Can you be here at two?” Fiona said, her tone fractionally kinder.

“Yes,” said Suiko miserably.

“Eat some breakfast,” said Fiona briskly, and promptly hung up the phone.

On the screen blinked several messages from the woman herself, a couple more from Shane, and twelve — twelve! — from Raleigh.

Someone started to bang on the door.

Suiko glanced over at Avery. He was still sleeping, and looked so peaceful that she didn’t want to wake him. She crept out of bed into her apartment.

Whoever was knocking was still there. She could hear pacing footsteps, then another round of incessant knocking. Warily, she unlocked the door and opened it a crack.

Raleigh.

He wore what looked like clothes from the night before -- a wrinkled gray t-shirt and dark jacket.

“Suiko,” he breathed, like he was relieved. “Can I come in?”

She just stared at him. His words weren’t making sense in her brain. None of this was making sense in her brain. Every time she looked at him, she saw that other girl wrapped around him.

“Please,” Raleigh said, and she’d never heard his voice sound like that before. In that brief moment of surprise, she took a step back and he entered the apartment, shutting the door behind him.

“Are you here to tell me that it’s not true?” Suiko’s voice sounded small and glum even to her own ears. She focused her eyes on the floor by Raleigh’s shoe so she wouldn’t have to look into those eyes.

Then she felt his hands, lightly touching her shoulders. “I’m here to explain.”

“What if she doesn’t want an explanation?” came a voice behind them.

Suiko spun to see Avery, tousled hair and all, standing at the door to her bedroom with a stony expression. She felt, more than saw, the stiffness that ran through Raleigh at the sight.

“What are you doing here?” snapped Raleigh, all traces of softness gone. His eyes were flicking between Avery and the bedroom door.

Avery stalked forwards. “I’ve been here all night, comforting Suiko for something you did.” His voice was cold and tight -- not like his usual gentle cadence at all.

Raleigh’s hands tightened on her shoulders. “She doesn’t need your comforting.”

Suiko said quietly, “Let go of me.” He flinched, but obediently, his fingers loosened and released her. Avery advanced, pulling Suiko slightly behind him.

“Don’t touch her,” Raleigh snapped, fury blazing in his dark eyes.

Avery scoffed. “I’d say if you want to touch her ever again, you’d better start grovelling.”

“I’m here to explain!” Raleigh took a controlled breath, hands fisting at his sides. “Last night wasn’t like how the tabloids are spinning it. I mean, yes. I went out. I guess I had too much to drink. I don’t know -- I don’t remember.” He finally glanced away. “I swear, when she kissed me, I shoved her off right after that picture was taken.”

“Fuck you, Carrera,” Avery spat, and Suiko gasped. She’d never heard the blonde pop singer swear. She’d never seen him this angry. “You expect her to believe that?”

“Yes, because it’s true!” Raleigh’s eyes locked with hers. “I swear. That’s all that happened.” A dark shadow fell over his face. “My PR team sent me there...to that bar. They encouraged me to drink. I think they even could have hired that girl.”

Suiko shivered. She wanted badly to believe him. But her brain was still fuzzy from sleep, and Avery and Raleigh were staring each other down, and Fiona’s presence seemed to loom over the room even though she wasn’t there. It was all too much.

“I...I don’t know,” she stammered stupidly.

Avery seemed to sense the way she was shrinking in on herself. “I think you should go,” he said to Raleigh.

“Yeah? Make me.”

“No --” Suiko began, but they were already advancing on each other, nearly nose to nose.

“I have more right to be here than you,” hissed Raleigh venomously.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I’m her boyfriend, in case you’ve forgotten.”

“Please,” Suiko said, but they didn’t notice her quiet word. It was as if they’d forgotten she was in the room too.

Avery flashed a dangerous smile that looked more like baring his teeth. “Think you’re going to be holding onto that title for much longer?”

A moment of stillness filled the room. There were many things in that long second that came after Avery’s remark: a flash of deep anger in Raleigh’s dark eyes; a tightening in the muscles at the back of Avery’s neck; the sound of a car door slamming outside; the sensation of being frozen and unable to move an inch.

And then that moment ended.

Avery and Raleigh crashed together with a terrible sound. Suiko leaped back as she watched Raleigh land a solid punch, right to Avery’s jaw. The blonde pop singer retaliated quickly, driving his fist into Raleigh’s abdomen. They became a blur of motion, of swinging limbs and grunts of pain and horrible fury.

“Stop,” said Suiko, and realized she was crying. Then louder, “Stop!”

They both froze. Avery had the sense to look guilty. Raleigh just wore an expression that said, what-do-you-expect-from-me?

“I want both of you to leave.” She pulled her arms tight around herself. “Right now.”

Avery looked stricken. He stared down at his hands like he couldn’t recognize them. “Suiko, I --”

“Please just go.”

He swallowed and nodded, a quick and jerky movement. And then he was gone.

“You too,” she said to Raleigh.

But he was staring at her. His face was so open, in a way she hadn’t seen before. And before she could say anything -- before she could even think of something else to say -- he was cradling her in his arms and kissing her, softly, like she was made of glass. He’d split his knuckles in the fight, and as his hand brushed over her cheek, she felt the warm wetness of his blood. It brought her back to the present.

“I can’t do this right now.” Suiko pulled back with difficulty.

“Please --”

“Go.”

His dark eyes flickered. Then he slouched through the door, pulling it shut behind him. Suiko watched him leave.

She was in so deep over her head.

[daphneyoumustmakehaste]

Who in your OTP —Inspired by @queenwinterofluna — Washette

1. Eats the last slice of pizza and gets playfully ignored by the other until they apologise?

George. Lafayette does try to ignore him — he really does — but he gets bored after 5 minutes and gives up.

2. Gets into more fights with other people? Does the other care for them?

Lafayette will fight anyone who disrespects George’s name, and George hates him for it, because he hates seeing Lafayette get hurt because of him. It always ends in Lafayette getting an earful from George and being squished to death by him.

3. Tries new things that the other recommendeds and hates them but pretends to like them for the others sake?

George, but Lafayette will always find out and force him to tell the truth.

4. Snores? What does the other think about it?

None of them snore, but Laf is a very deep sleeper, whereas George is the complete opposite. Nearly every night, Lafayette will kick him in or whack him in the face with his hands or feet.

5. Wakes up first? Is there a reason why?

On good nights, George will wake up first in the morning for work, and his routine follows through the weekend too. On bad nights, Lafayette will in the middle of the night because of nightmares from his past — I’ll probably post his backstory later on.

6. Is horrible with technology? Does the other help them out with it?

Neither of them are terrible, but George accidentally got sent a dick pic by Alexander which was meant for Thomas and nearly threw his phone out of the window. Lafayette and Thomas still take the piss out of them.

7. Is first to apologise after an argument?

Everyone thinks it’s Lafayette, as he can’t spend five minutes away from him, but it’s actually George. Lafayette’s tolerance is extremely high when they’re in a fight.

8. Is the clean freak? Does the other live like a slob or do they just not care as much about cleaning as the other?

George likes things to be tidy and neat the most, but he doesn’t mind if it gets a tad bit messy. Lafayette’s the same, but he almost had a fit when he visited the Hamilton-Jefferson household and it was filled with wrappers and dust. He practically held them at gun point and forced them to clean up.

9. Falls asleep first? Does the other usually stay up or go to sleep soon after?

It’s normally always Lafayette who falls asleep first, and he prides himself when George falls asleep first. The awake one will always let the other rest on their lap, chest or in their arms before falling asleep too.

10. Goes out of their way to impress the other? What do they do? What does the other think?

When they first started their relationship, the other would impress them by paying for meals, talking about their daring childhoods, Lafayette even used the hot weather as an excuse to take his top off to impress George one time. Now if they try to impress the other, they will just sigh and kiss them.

11. Sings Christmas carols in the middle of summer? Does the other sing along or are they annoyed?

George, funnily enough. Not loudly, but he’ll sing them under his breath while serving breakfast, or while scrolling through his phone. It’s always accompanied by Laf throwing something at him or kicking him under the table.

12. Constantly quotes memes/vines? Does the other understand them?

Lafayette does it whenever he’s near Alex. George has reached the point where he now knows what he’s on about and hates him for it.

13. Pranks the other? What do they do?

Both of them prank each other. Well, the one on the receiving end always refers to it as ‘abuse’. It started off when Lafayette got mad at George, so went the entire day speaking French, and it continued on from there.

14. Gets angry for weird/bad reasons? How does the other make it up to them or do they just leave them be?

They’ve never really fought over anything stupid, but the one time Lafayette got upset with George over the amount of time he spent working. George just ended up soothing him and reducing his working time down at home. They also occasionally fight over the fact that Lafayette drinks iced coffee and George likes pineapple on pizza.

15. Calls/texts first?

Lafayette the majority of the time. He will always update him at work and likes to phone him in their break and lunch. However, he is sometimes treated by George sending him a small paragraph at work.

16. Is more jealous? Do they tell the other or not?

They both get jealous if they go out and catch someone looking at the other, but George will always move to put his arm around Lafayette, whereas Lafayette will just sit and sulk. They don’t really have to tell the other, because they can usually tell.

17. Plans all the dates?

They take it in turns. George prefers to treat Laf our to expensive restaurants and Laf likes to take George to parks or coffee shops. They both agree it’s a nice mixture.

18. Starts stupid arguments? How does the other deal with them?

Mostly Lafayette, whose always complaining ‘that’s my tie’ or ‘those are my keys’. George just ignores him and waits until his small tantrums are over.

19. Has to explain the joke? Does the other immediately get it after it’s explained?

George once told a dirty joke and Lafayette didn’t get it. He just sat there with a cute, confused expression on his face and begged George to tell him what it meant. Once he understood he was quick to move of his lap.

20. Watches more TV? Does the other watch it with them? If not, what do they do?

George loves his soaps. Lafayette tries to join in, but George always gets annoyed by his constant asking questions and always tells him to ‘watch it if you want to know what happens’, so he just sits by George and goes on his phone.

21. Cant stand 3 seconds without the other?

Lafayette. He’s extremely clingy and loves it when George gives him attention and affection.

22. Is shameless about anything they say or do? How does the other react?

Lafayette, who once came downstairs wearing nothing but boxers, stormed into George’s office wearing lingerie and lets out sultry, obscene, loud moans in the bedroom. George has yet to complain.

23. Sleeps with a plush? What does the other think?

They are each other’s plush.

24. Has a better fashion sense?

Funnily enough, George. He often helps Lafayette with clothes, and has helped Hercules and Maria choose this and that for an item they were making. It doesn’t show, as he can sometimes be seen with sleeveless tops and cargo shorts when he’s not at work wearing his suits.

25. Is a great artist? Do they draw the other or gift them some of their works?

They can both draw really well, Lafayette with scenery and objects and George with people. One of Lafayette’s drawings is framed in the living room and he’s always asking George to draw him like one of his French girls.

[ericahitshawaii]

There she blows!

Kayaks ready...Olowalu, Maui

The quote of the day:  “I had only been here three days and had been part of two drum circles...”  For anyone who knows my feelings on hipphies, you can probably guess that this quote was not from me.  It was from an amusing single-serving friend that I caught the wrong bus with.  He was a very tolerable hippie, despite the fact that he had participated in several drum circles on a nude beach.  It is with mixed emotions that I leave Maui.  Today is my second and last day before I head to the Big Island.

Since my flight to the Big Island was in the afternoon, I only had time for one real activity, so I signed up for a kayak whale watching tour.  Luckily for me, all the other people on the tour flaked out, so I got a private tour!  Christian was my tour guide.  He was also a hippie, but again, likable.  He was your classic adventurer who had clear trail in Montana and lived in Alaska and now was a kayak tour guide in Hawaii.  Classic.

I have to say that kayak in the ocean is an amazing experience, even without whales.  I’ve done lots of canoeing, but had never kayaked, so this was a pretty sweet way to learn.  Christian didn’t hesitate to point out that I kayak like a canoe-er.  He warned me to keep my arms down or my arms would be dead in the water before I made it into open water.  touche, he was correct.  

Anyway, almost as soon as we got out into the water, we started seeing whales.  Whale season in Hawaii runs from about December through March, so I was catching the tail end of it.  As it turns out, that wasn’t a problem.  There were still plenty of whales around.  They travel down from Alaska or Siberia to Hawaii to mate and give birth before heading north again.  There is no food for he whales in Hawaii, but the warm waters are ideal for giving birth.

As we paddle out into the ocean, I could see the wter spraying out of a whales blowhole, then I heard another one.  All of a sudden on both sides of me there were the backs of humpback whales hitting the surface.  There were a few boats and some other kayakers in the area so we knew this was a good spot.  The Christian pointed out to me that a few of the whales in front of us were actually raising their heads out f the water, which is really cool to see!  This indicated that they are part of  what’s known as a competition pack.  Meaning that there was one female and several males all following her.  The whales kept lifting there heads out of the water and slapping the water to warn the other whales to back off.  It was crazy to see.  Christian estimated that there were probably 4 or 5 whales in the competition pack.  A few of the whales got really close to a group of kayakers who were squealing with what I hope was joy, or pure terror.  Although I was still probably about 100 yards from any of the whales, it felt like I was so close to them.  It’s interesting to be at their level in the water.  You could also faintly here their songs.  It kind of sounded like a distant moan.  It was so quiet on the water, that the sounds really carried.  It was very cool!

Note: I have to apologize for the severe lack of photographs of all this.  Because I have a history of tipping over in canoes (some of you know this well) I decided to not bring my camera or phone.  The tour company takes photos with a fancy camera with a giant telephoto lens and underwater camera and will email the pics to me in a few days. So there will be a very exciting update with lots of pics later!)

We finished out the tour with some snorkeling.  It’s cool to now have snorkeled in the Great Barrier Reef and Hawaii.  Although they are similar, the reefs do look different.  Some of the fish are the same, lots of angel fish and damsel fish, but the reefs themselves re different.  There were lots of finger coral here and schools of little tiny blue iridescent fish.  My favorite sea creature were these giant black sea urchins, that apparently are sharp enough to draw blood.  Spooky!

All in all, an awesome experience.  As I eluded to at the beginning of the post, the only downside to my day was that in attempting to save money, I decided to tak e the bus back to my hostel.  Bad idea.  The bus system on Maui is limited and confusing.  Buses running both directions pick up and drop off at the same stop, which is counter-intuitive if you understand at all how buses work.  Also, everyone and everything are on “Island time,” so you never really understand when the bus will actually come and no one ever seems to be concerned about it, except for tourists like myself.  The goal of this trip will be to learn something from my hippie island friends and just try to CHILL OUT!  (It’s a work in progress.)

Maui, what a strange and magical and weird place!  But it’s on to the Big Island for me!

Next post:  My next ocean adventure @ Kailua-Kona.

[migleefulmoments]

@ajw720...I wrote a thing

Oh you misguided little CCer.  Yes, let’s talk about the video from 10/30/15. 

(scroll down to watch the video.)

Ajw says: “Let’s Talk About that Video from October 30, 2015 shall we?  I am really glad I was reminded of this this AM as it truly highlights how much he LOVES Chris. But it is also an excellent comparison to the manner in which he talks about his girlfriend of 10,572 years”.  

The video doesn’t highlight how much Darren LOVES Chris Colfer.  It is a few random comments- stories he has told over and over and over again because Chris hates being talked about and these stories are already been told so they are safe fodder. You read too much into things and ignore what they are actually saying.

“In this segment of 4 minute and 10 seconds (prior to the song) Darren mentions the word(s) Chris or Chris Colfer a total of 8 times (I think the end is quick) as he recounts for what I believe is the 4thtime in a span of about 10 months the story of their first date. A night he remembers in detail. (funny, I have never once heard him talk about his first date with M as the fact remains, no one even knows when they actually started dating and the recent push is that it may have been even before he went to Italy, yet again changing the timeline)”

He won’t share his first date with Mia for several reasons- 1. it’s private and why should he 2. it was a first date, probably not that exciting 3. when would that come up in an interview? People care about the first time two costar spent time together. They don’t care about when Darren met his fiancée.. . and again It’s private.  Why the hell would he share that with us? Nobody SHOULD know the story or the date. That isn’t our business. 

People wanted to hear about Glee especially as it was ending.  They were coworkers in a job that was very significant to Darren’s current status as an entertainer making the story interesting to the audience  Repeating Chris’s name or saying his entire name is inconsequential to anything...it certainly doesn’t mean love.

“And remember, this show was 10 months after the last time he “publicly” saw one Mr. Chris Colfer.  A man he allegedly hates and only “kind of sort of hangs out with.” (sorry Chris but that quote is going to remain one of my favorites)”

The “Man date” story is safe ground to cover because it has been told over and over and over.  Darren likes to deflect from how own talent and talk about other people. He likes to set the stage for how generous Chris was when meeting Darren-a nobody- who was a nobody walking on to the set of a huge show. 

“Interesting. Let’s see. I believe, and correct me if I am wrong, I have heard him utter his lovely lady of many, many moons name publicly 3 times. The first time was in a radio interview right before Elsie 2015 which coincidentally aired about 3 or 4 days after the Alan Cumming version of mandate aired.  The 2nd on her Birthday during a live stream with Paul from Broadway.com. And the 3rd on his snapchat during Cats when he said she was taking over his phone as his battery had died. This is the grand total over the 10,572 years they have been dating. (But willing to bet we hear it again soon after they read this).”

You missed “My Darling MIa....” and also the time he posted in Insta that he is getting married to MIa and that he and Mia opened a bar baby. 

“What did Darren have to say about Chris in 4 minutes and 10 seconds:

The date he started filming he put together that “he would be linked to Chris Colfer’s character.”

“I went to Chris” (and asked him to go see Sutton as his friend “dropped out”) and when he described how his man agreed to go, Darren said “Oh Thank you, I was so touched he wanted to come along.”

We went to see Sutton Foster, me and Chris Colfer.

Darren next describes how he realized, on day 1, when he didn’t even know what would happen between Kurt and Blaine, that if the story took off “Chris and I will never ever go out in public together ever again” so Darren “needed to embrace the opportunity.”  It is AMAZING how Darren was able to foretell that. I mean at the time he was only signed for a limited number of episodes.  There was no actual plan for Kurt and Blaine to date. But Darren, being the fortune teller he was, knew he had to take this opportunity to take Chris on a date as he knew they would never be able to go out in public again.

“I love telling that story about Chris because I like telling how generous he is even though he was years younger than me. He was a big TV star, he like won a Golden Globe and I’m this new guy.”  Ok, so Darren actually does get one fact wrong, but I think its because he is so in awe of Chris’ accomplishments that he forgets that Chris did not in fact have a Golden Globe when they met. That happened a few months later.

“Very cool, I have nothing but good things to say about Chris Colfer.”

Darren messed up, claiming that Chris had a Golden Globe when they met because time had gone by and it didn’t matter that much to him- simple error. Time has a way of doing that. 

He claims he knew he couldn’t hang out with Chris if their characters dated- that isn't something he knew at the time but something that makes the story juicer. It gives context to the fact that they don’t hang out at all because the fans made it hard.  It’s just amping up the story. 

“And then, when Seth next asks him about singing live with Chris, he says (the beginning is quick so perhaps not 100% accurate) “Me and Chris, well Chris hates, hates when you talk about him.  He hates singing live, he hates it, he hates singing live.  Doesn’t like it.”  That is a lot of knowledge about  Chris Colfer that Darren has considering, again, he had not even seen the man in months and that are not even friends.”

I don’t know Chris Colfer and I Know that he hates singing live and that he hates when people talk about him. He has said so many times. You see, while YOU are paying attention to matching details in photos like they both wore plaid suits in 2018 and explaining TrueLoveAlways because they both like Harry Potter and Star Wars...I am listening to what these actually people say-using words- and I respect what they say because that is what grown ups do. 

“Let’s see what has he said about his girl over the entire course of their relationship as opposed to in 4 minutes 10 seconds:

“She’s a big girl, she can take care of herself.”

Darren would NEVER criticize fans in a goofy radio interview or a short fun entertainment setting.  He knows his audience and he knows when the time and place is appropriate to talk about horrible fans who attack his fiancée. 

“She is a very lovely lady I have been with for many, many moons.”

It’s private and I am not going to give you specifics about my private life.

“My partner in crime.”

he is endearingly calling the person who he lives his life with his “partner in crime”. He is making the analogy that his “life” is the “crime” here. I don’t know why you can’t understand this simple thing.  It is mind boggling that you won’t let this go as if it means something devious.   

“I’m a ball and chain kind of guy.”

Again he is defecting from speaking about his private life with a reporter. He’s calling himself the ball and chain... aka he’s a one woman man, old morning couple, you don’t care about us, move on to next question.

“She works at Fox” stated almost one year after she left their employ. Yes, they have tried to fix that and have since allowed her on set to fetch coffee and snap about 3 times since Darren made this statement, but she was not employed by Fox when this was stated, as proven by her own LinkedIn account and her going away party many months prior”.

Literally you are going with “proven by her own LinkedIn account” who updates their LinkedIn? We have no idea what special projects she was doing for Fox. What this really means is ajw wasn’t privy to the private life of Mia Swier.  Boohooo. Newsflash:  You can’t find everything on the inter webs.  The fact is-I know that Darren was there and there was NO reason for him to be there so if he says he was there because Mia was working for Fox then I have no reason to doubt that.

Has mentioned her wearing heels on multiple occasions. Ummm…..no, barely ever Darren.

Seriously? OMG the heels comment was a fucking ad.  How stupid can you be- Darren didn’t write that. THAT was a literally written by either the magazine or Darren’s PR team.  She wears heels every time she goes to a red carpet event. Just because the photo doesn’t show her feet doesn't mean she doesn’t have feet....or heels on. You get that right? 

Has stated how he has asked her not to share things on social media. Which she does all the time.

No, she doesn’t put anything on social media anymore. A few pics get posted with her in them...there is NOTHING in those photos that are private. Being in public places and at public events and posting a picture isn’t private life.  I know you want it to be so you can bitch but you sound unhinged when you do.  The truth is we don't know if Darren asked her to post or not to post. we have one story about one photo from Becca’s horrible podcast.  Darren would NEVER share an actual private moment with us. Mia’s IG is private-I know that PISSES you off so much. She rarely posts to Snapchat when they are going out to an event. Clearly Darren is in the picture and knows she is posting.  

I mean, I could go on and on and on. There have been many quotes, most of which have not been very kind. None of which have ever been loving. None of which have ever been gushing. None of which has made him revert back to the High School Darren talking about the person he has an enormous crush on. And none of which have been said while so much love is emoting from his entire persona.  

I am sure you could go on forever and ever. but none of it is important or factual or shocking. At the end of the day and your latest rant, the only thing that matters is that they are living their lives without you and you don’t matter to them. They are engaged and I know this because Darren Told us he was and his behavior has been consistent with a man who is about to get married. Shall we review: they had a bachelorette  weekend and a wedding shower that Darren attended. He has talked about planning a wedding many times. Lea acts like he is engaged. Three is nothing to suggest that he is lying. 

So you tell me. What is the truth here?  I think we all know

Yes we all know the truth: you are a conspiracy theorist who looks for patterns and makes up a ton of shit to fit your trope with no regard to how much you make Darren sound like a complete douche. 

[kristatotheworld]

Social Norms in Korea

Social norms are actually a bit different here in Korea then in the US, which is something that didn’t necessarily surprise me, but I definitely hadn’t given it much thought before coming here. I’ve been here for over 2 months now, so I’ve gotten used to them and have even adapted to most of them. Obviously I won’t be able to go over all of them, but I will go over the ones that have been the most prominent to me. 

1. Doing Makeup in Public: This is something that people will occasionally do in the states; someone runs out of time and does their makeup on the subway, or while waiting for the bus, maybe you’ll see someone doing touch-ups in the bathroom. However, here in Korea, people will literally do their makeup anywhere-- and I’m not talking small things like some mascara or applying lipstick-- no, I mean full face makeup. The girls in my class bring their bags of makeup to school everyday, and will literally do a full face of makeup in the middle of class. Yes, while the teachers are lecturing. They do their makeup while driving, while walking on the streets, on the bus-- anywhere and everywhere. (It’s also not uncommon for people to straighten/ curl their hair in public either).

2. Mirrors: They’re everywhere. Here in Korea, beauty standards are pretty up there. Appearance is important to say the least. So, of course there are mirrors everywhere. Actually, every girl in my class has a hand mirror that always sits on their desk. Most of the time the just spend the class looking at themselves instead of listening to the teacher. There are mirrors in elevators. There’s a mirror in every classroom at my school. On the other hand, there don’t seem to be a lot of mirrors in houses, which is funny. It’s not weird to just pull out a mirror here and stare at yourself in it pretty much anywhere (with exceptions of course). 

3. Hair curlers: You know those things you’ve probably seen your grandma wear? (well, if your from the states at least) Usually an obnoxious bright color, they kinda have a rep for being an old lady item in the US. Yeah, well they’re everywhere here. Not only that, but I haven’t seen a single old lady use them-- no, only teen girls. Where I come from, no teenage girl would ever just walk around in public with one of these things in their hair. Korea, however, is a very different place. They will go anywhere with one of these things in their hair. No shame. 

4. Wearing clothes with random faces on it: No, not the faces of celebrities or anyone well-known. There are hoodies and shirts with random people on them everywhere here. Go to any street market and you’ll probably find one. And they usually have cringey english quotes that either (a.) don’t make any sense, (b.) have numerous spelling mistakes, or (c.) both a and b. It’s quite weird. You probably won’t catch me wearing one of those. 

5. Weird English (and French): Koreans seem to love using random english phrases/words everywhere. I see this the most on clothing. I’m not sure about other countries, but in the states you probably won’t see someone walking down the street with “Heyyy! Get out of my way! I cook well!” written across their shirt. Or, “MOMENT” and under that in smaller writing, “qulity time with god” (yes, they left out the ‘a’ in ‘quality’). Those aren’t even the best, just the ones I took pictures of. I guess their second language of choice to write random phrases in is French. (I almost bought a shirt that said “Fried Chicken USA”, but it was too big. Instead I got one that just says “American”, and while there’s not a spelling mistake, they did mess the flag up-- I’ll admit that’s the only reason why I got it).

[EDIT] I took the 2 pics after I made this post. I saw both of these on the same day.

6. Music in Stores: Or rather, music outside of stores. Stores tend to play music louder outside of the store than inside the store. I quite enjoy this-- if I ever forget my headphones, I can hear 4 songs at once as I’m walking through the streets! Brilliant. But, really it’s actually kind of nice. What’s even better is the type of music they play. While many stores play kpop, and a few play western music, a lot of stores also tend to play EDM type music. You know, the kind without lyrics and intense beat drops. And they play it fairly loud too. Who doesn’t love head banging while they shop? Yesterday, I was in a clothing store and they played a song where the only lyrics were, “Girl you better f*ck me all night”. Iconic. 

7. Alcohol: Korea is the biggest consumer of alcohol in Asia. Do you know how big Korea is? If not, go look at a map. (For my fellow Americans: it’s roughly the size of Kentucky or Indiana). Alcohol is everywhere. Korea is known for soju-- and many sojus have very high alcohol content. I’ve heard the taste is like a sweeter, lighter vodka. I’m not sure how reliable that description is though. Anyways, drinking alcohol is a very social thing here-- especially for men. Drinking age is 19 here, but many people drink before that. 

8. Lack of Toilet Paper in Public Bathrooms: Not only do many public bathrooms not have toilet paper, but there also seem to be a lack of public bathrooms here in general. I find this extremely annoying, as I have a small bladder. There’s not even toilet paper in my school bathrooms. Many Koreans just carry tissues or toilet paper with them for this reason. It’s always refreshing when I find a bathroom with toilet paper. (There’s also a pretty good chance there will be no way to dry your hands after washing them). 

9. Couple Outfits and PDA (Public Display of Affection): A lot of Korean couples reallllly like showing that they are in a relationship. Well, straight couples that is because Korea still isn’t a great country to be openly gay in. Couple outfits are everywhere-- whether they’re very obvious or more subtle, if you look around in a place with a good amount of people, you’ll find a few couples twinning. The PDA here, I don’t think it’s that bad, but maybe I’ve just gotten used to it. I just know there is not as much PDA in the US as there is here. 

10. Brushing Teeth in Public: Another nice one. I see many people who will brush their teeth after they eat a meal in public bathrooms. In school, everyone (including me) has a toothbrush there, and after lunch, we all go to the bathroom, or to the teeth brushing station outside, and brush away. Hygiene is fun. 

11. Spitting: This one’s not so nice. People seem to spit everywhere here. And they don’t do it quietly either-- no shame. You can hear someone hacking a loogie from blocks away (okay this might be a bit of an exaggeration, but you know what I mean). I’ve seen someone just spit in the middle of the mall. Yep, right on the floor. I’m not sure why they do it, but they do. 

Anyways, that’s all I have for now. If I think of anything to add, I’ll edit this later. I’m also going to make a post soon about being a foreign exchange student (specifically in my program, Rotary).  

Small update on my life here: 

I now have muay thai twice a week and crossfit once. I’m really enjoying them! They’re fun and a good way to keep myself from gaining a lot of weight! Also recently I’ve been making quite a lot of Korean friends! I bought about $50 worth of candy and gave it out at school on Halloween. Korea doesn’t really celebrate Halloween, while America does, so I thought it’d be a nice way to share some of my customs as well. A few weekends ago, the other exchange students and I got lost at 1 am and our parents had to come get us. I might do a post on that story later, it’s a good one. 

But yeah, everything’s been going pretty well here! 

Also, if anyone has any questions about Korea, being an exchange student, or even if you’re just curious about something, feel free to message me! 

Goodbye! :D

[ratandphilgames]

Our Lives Don’t Collide

{chapter 4: in too deep} 

summary: Shit hits the fan when famous actor!Phil is caught smooching a boy in an alleyway. Only problem? He’s not out and what’s worse? The boy he was smooching was a journalist who set it all up to get a quick picture and now Phil is royally screwed. The only answer Phils management can come up with is a fake relationship to try and do damage control and famous actor!Dan is the perfect candidate.

chapter word count: 2478

total word count: 9936

rating: t

note: super thanks to everyone who likes/ reblogs/ sends me a message! the support has been amazing! also huge thanks to all the babes in the writing gc for motivating me to write! ily!

updates on thursdays!

{read on ao3}

{read from the beginning}

{next chapter} 

—–

The 2 boys ended up playing video games for an hour after they decided they’d become friends, which went surprisingly well. They were really just big nerds too tall for their own good, and it showed when they played video games.

Conversation flowed easily, bants were abundant, and afterwhile they both forgot they were there because of their fake relationship, it just felt like hanging out. It’d been a long time since Dan had just hung out with someone who was genuine and didn’t want something from him. At least with Phil he was upfront with what he wanted from Dan, it was all in contract form to keep it clear.

“Wotch your back Daniel, I’m creeping up on you.” Phil yelled as he gripped his controller more intensely.

In any other setting Dan would’ve been frightened by this sentence, but seeing as it was because Dan was currently in first place in an intense game of mario kart 8, it was rather acceptable. They were on the first lap of the animal crossing track, season: autumn, and Dan had already pulled ahead as he spent far too much time playing mario kart in his free time. When you don’t know who you can trust, mario kart will always be there for you.

“Oh are you? ARE YOU?” Dan had a bad habit of getting way too loud when it came to competitions. He was howling in a way that could be deemed offensive had he been playing with a different person, Phil however, just laughed at him as he attempted to catch up.

“Yes! You’re going down!” Phil shrieked, and before Dan even knew what was happening he was hit with a blue shell, effectively knocking him out of his first place position and letting Phil take the lead.

“YOU LITTLE SON OF A PFFT PSH PFT.” Dan was trying not to swear too much, as to leave a good first impression on his fake boyfriend, but goddamn it was hard. He ended up just making random exhales of air as he tried to earn back his spot in first place.

Phil found so much joy in that little blue shell moment, his eyes were lit up and he was laughing like a maniac and just a little part of Dan felt that it was worth letting him win if he got to see him being so happy. The rest of Dan wanted to crush all his hopes and dreams as he destroyed him at mario kart.

They kept up the back and forth game of going between 1rst and 2nd until the third lap when Dan had pretty much established himself as winner in his own eyes. That was until the biggest upset in the history or time when Phil got the bullet on the last corner and won by a very small margin. Needless to say Dan threw his controller and Phil laughed so hard he was snorting.

“I won! Take that, Danny boi!” Phil had stood up on his couch and stared down at Dan in victory.

“Danny boi? Oh god this is embarrassing. Losing mario kart in my own home, to a noob.” Phil was hardly a noob, but Dan liked to tease. He glossed over the fact that he’d earned himself a new nickname, one he’d surprisingly never heard before. After his high school experience with gems such as ‘dick loving dan’ and ‘homo howell’ he’d have thought he’d heard every variation of his name possible, but Phil was constantly coming up with new ways to surprise him.

Mid gloat Phil’s phone started buzzing nonstop and he put a pause on his victory chant to reach down and grab the vibrating device. Phil plopped himself back down onto a seated position as he checked his phone to see who his caller was, as Dan started deciding on the next track they should play.

“Oh, uh, I’ve got to take this, it’s my manager.”

Dan barely looked up as he waved him off to allow him to go answer his phone. As Phil exited the room he could hear a greeting being exchanged and then some whispering. If he tried he could make out the words, but that was wrong, right? Eavesdropping was bad and he shouldn’t do it. Dan maintained that idea until he heard his name spoken and then curiosity got the better of him. He crept quietly, almost spy like towards the entryway of his living room, just far enough that he could better hear, but not too far that it would be unnatural if Phil were to walk back in and see him. Dan was just hanging out on the edge of the couch, nothing weird about that.

“It’s going okay, Liam. He seems cool, everything will be fine.” Phil was pacing back and forth through the hallway, making parts of his sentence quieter than the rest, but the message Dan received was loud and clear in his ears. Phil Lester thought he was cool.

Suddenly all those fanboy feelings Dan had been repressing through the time they spent together were resurfacing as he played those words over and over and over again in his head. All that mumbo jumbo about Phil being just a regular guy flew out the window as Dan heard himself being complimented by one of the most iconic actors of the recent era (and not to mention overall attractive man).

Phil Lester thinks you’re cool.

That was one hell of a confidence booster.

Dan zoned out and missed  the rest of the convo because goddamnit he was cool. Shans advice really worked, he played it cool and it payed off in the end.

As Dan’s brain was still processing the idea that he was cool, he heard Phil’s footsteps and realized he must’ve hung up the phone and was headed back towards the lounge, back to Dan. As this truly hit Dan, he scrambled to seem casual, natural, and cool.

“Hey, I think I’m going to head off soon, manager called my car already.” Phil said as he made his reappearance, seemingly not noticing Dan’s less than usual behavior.

“Okay, cool.”

Fucking hell don’t say cool, that makes it seem like you were eavesdropping.

Dan had been eavesdropping but he didn’t want Phil to know he’d been listening in. Already feeling the effects of guilt for being a sneaky little shit, Dan made sure to avoid meeting Phil’s gaze, although that probably just made him seem even more sketchy.

“Yeah, so, thanks for having me over, and for the whole- ya know, fake boyfriend stuff. Really saved me there.” Phil was fidgeting with his fingers as he stood awkwardly by the lounge entrance, having yet to step back into the room as he knew he’d be leaving soon.

“Oh yeah, sure. No problem, should be fun. Speaking of which, what’s the next thing we need to do?” Dan asked, unsure how to about this thing. They needed to be spotted together a lot to be seen a realistic couple, and with paparazzi swarming the both of them at the moment, it wouldn’t be hard to strike up buzz.

“Uhhh probably just more social media stuff, get people hooked. We’re ‘like a drug’ to the fans according to my agent.” Phil shifted uncomfortably as he quoted his agent, clearly as uneasy about the way it sounded as Dan was. A drug? What did that even mean?

“Sooooooooooooo should we hang out like this again sometime? Soon?” Maybe Dan was just hoping he could spend more time with Phil, but he could paint it as part of the deal and nobody would ever have to know the difference.

“Yeah, I’ll text you.” Dan simply stared at Phil because how in the hell did he have his number? Did his publicist give it to him? This whole goddamn time they could’ve been texting each other? And they weren’t?

“That was a hint for you to give me your phone so I can put my number in it.” Phil said with a chuckle.

Oh.

Dan grabbed his cell off the little coffee table, the place he’d set it down when they first started playing mario kart, and stood to hand it to Phil, trying to keep his head down so his blush wasn’t too apparent.

Of course he wants your number, you have to communicate somehow. Don’t read too much into this, don’t read too much into this, don’t read too much-

“We still need to take that picture, ya know, to make us instagram official.” Phil said, startling Dan out of his thoughts and handing him back his phone. Phil really typed fast.

“Yeah, Shannon- er my manager- will kill me if we forget. Like actually behead me, like hide the guillotine.”

Phil just laughed at his weird attempt at humor, bless his little heart.

“Alright well let’s do this thing, I’d rather like you to keep your head attached to your body.”  

Dan tapped around on his phone a little bit and pulled up the camera and both boys positioned themselves so that the lighting was okay and they could both be seen effectively.

They took a few of them together, smiles bright with Phil peeking over Dans shoulder.

And then Phil did something unexpected.

He reached his long neck over and planted a soft lil kiss onto Dan’s cheek, right over his dimple and Dan, unsure of how to react, just kept snapping pictures. And once Phil felt they had a sufficient amount to pick from with the cheek kisses, he snuggled his face into Dan’s neck and Dan just kept taking those pics, his body wanting him to have a completely different reaction.

Holy fuck.

Just as fast as Phil had attached to himself Dan he was backed away, the smile not leaving his face though.

“Sorry, hope that wasn’t awkward.”

“Oh, no, you’re fine, we’re both actors right? Totally fine. I’ll go through and find the good ones and post them later. Gotta call my mum first or she’ll be livid, ya know how it is.”

Dan was rambling, trying to make the situation seem casual when really his insides were ready to explode out of his ass.

“I haven’t even told my mom about the whole gay thing. I’m not quite sure how she’ll take it, so I just kind of… put it off.”

All Dan wanted to do was hug the guy, all the dumb crush feelings forgotten as he remembered how rough things actually were for Phil right now. Publicly outed, not even getting a chance to tell his family. It sounded like hell, yet he was handling it like a champ. Almost too well.

“That’s no good. You’ve gotta talk to your mum, call her up. Throw down the facts. If she doesn’t like it then I’ll be your mum from now on, simple as that.”

Phil laughed a little at that last part, but overall seemed uncomfortable with the idea. Dan could definitely see why, it was terrifying to think that the one person that’s supposed to love you unconditionally could turn you away simply for being true to yourself, but he also knew that finding out your son was gay from the internet was 100 times worse than hearing it from him.

“We’ll see.”

“Call me up if you need emotional support, I know a thing or two about this whole ‘coming out’ bullshit.” It had been a daunting process for Dan, no one in his family understood what being bisexual even meant, he was constantly being asked if he was sure he wasn’t just gay or just straight but in time they learned and now’s in a pretty good place with his family.

“Thanks, I might take you up on that offer. Maybe.”

“You can’t run away from your problems.”

“I can try.” Phil said with a shrug.

“You’re a mess Lester.”

“Well when you get your shit together and post on instagram, I’ll officially be your mess.”

That stopped Dan in his tracks, unable to think of a witty remark to keep up their little game because surely that was flirting. This wasn’t just Dan making up little things in his head, anyone would interpret that as flirting, right? If this was just for the public Phil wouldn’t have said that inside the confidence of Dan’s home, where nobody was around to hear them.

Lucky for Dan, the buzzer went off moments later, covering his ass.

Dan quickly moved from the lounge, where they were standing, to his little foyer, and over to the intercom.

“Hello.” Dan said into the little microphone, realizing Phil had followed him into the room only after he felt a little tickle of breath on his neck.

“I’m here to pick up Phil Lester, and no sir, this isn’t a prank.”

Dan felt just a little embarrassed as he typed in the password to open the gate. He had only been asking if he was being pranked because he’d been told the wrong day, it was a valid question at the time, now it just felt a little silly.

“Alright, well, I’ll see you later I guess.” Dan said.

“Yeah, I’ll be looking out for your instagram post.”

“You better turn on notifications.”

“Oh, I will.”

Again, Dan had a blush on his face because of Phil.

The doorbell began ringing and before he opened the door, Dan looked over at Phil and said “don’t forget about your mum, Phil,”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Dan smiled at him and Phil smiled back and then Dan opened up the door and stepped out of the way so that Phil could get through. Standing there, outside, was the same muscular man that had been with him when Phil was left at Dan’s home less than 2 hours ago.

It didn’t feel like that little of time had passed, yet it truly had been less than 2 hours. Dan waved as Phil got into his car, making it seem like a bigger thing than it was for all the people with cameras lined up behind his iron gate which he was certain were taking pictures like mad.

After Phil’s car had pulled away, Dan went back inside and immediately flopped down onto the couch and clicked the tv off from when they were playing mario kart earlier.

Dan was in deep. So incredibly deep.

This little rendezvous only furthered Dan’s suspicion that he liked Phil, like a lot. He was just as fantastic in real life as Dan had imagined which was really just a big problem.

What’s one to do when they like their fake boyfriend? That’s just a whole new level of complicated that Dan didn’t want to delve into just yet. So he just put it off, the exact thing he’d advised Phil against doing.

God, he was in so so deep. 

[dramallamadingdang]

By sort-of request, I present to you an updated-with-the-latest-technology tutorial on how to build a garage that's attached to a house that's on foundation, like the shell-of-a-house in the pic above. It's also incidentally going to cover building a side-entry garage -- motorcourt style, in this case -- because that's really easy to do now thanks to a couple of relatively recent mods by Mootilda and @hugelunatic. And hey, I threw in a sunken living area while I was at it because why not? You're already making a "sunken" garage, so you might as well make a sunken living area while you're at it. And there's a tip here and there about building from a real-world floor plan, even. So, something for everybody! Or whatever.

It’s very long and picture-ful, so yay cut...

Before you begin, you need some stuff. That would be:

This mod that makes driveway pieces rotatable in 45-degree increments (Note: This mod conflicts with MogHughson's one here, which you can use to make parking lots on community lots where random cars will come and go. So far as I know (I don’t use Mog’s mod, myself, so I haven’t been paying close attention), the conflict was never resolved either by Mootilda before she passed away or by anyone else. If you have Mog’s mod and won't give it up, and you want a side- or rear-entry garage then you'll have to go about turning your driveway pieces the old-fashioned and pain-in-the-butt way. How to do that is linked a few paragraphs down. Or, you can just stick with standard front-entry garages.)

This mod that makes garage doors similarly rotatable.

The "constrainfloorelevation" cheat. But not in a scary way. It's really very easy.

Some idea of the house you're going to build. A floor plan you find online, a sketch you make, whatever. It's possible to do this totally on the fly, sure, but it's much easier if you're not completely winging it. In this tutorial, I'm going to show you how to build the footprint and the garage structure of this floor plan here:

...Which translated into the house in the "title pic" above, but I'm not going to show you how to build the whole thing here. The green areas on that floor plan are not going to have foundation. The red areas are. (Hey, it was the wee hours of Xmas Day when I started writing this up. Sue me.) 

It used to be that when you wanted to build a side- or rear-entry garage, whether or not the rest of the house was on foundation, it was a pain in the butt. You had to remove sidewalk tiles from the lot which would then force the driveway pieces to turn, as detailed in this little tutorial here. Trouble was, the direction that the driveway turned was not easy to predict, so there was lots of trial and error involved until you found a lot that would do what you wanted it to do. Now that we can simply rotate driveways/garage doors just like any other build object, you don't have to screw around with that anymore.

Note, however, that no matter how you go about turning your driveway pieces, the car movements will no longer be animated. Cars will just teleport between the garage and the street. (The garage door animation/sound still runs, though.) 

I'm going to assume that you're going to be using the mods for this tutorial because that's the whole point of this tutorial. :) If you want to/have to do it the old-fashioned way, you're on your own with getting your driveway piece(s) to turn if you want to build a side-entry garage.

OK, here we go!

First, you need to pick your lot. If you're building from a sketch/floor plan/firm idea in your head of what you're going to build, you can count the tiles you'll need to build the thing and then determine what size lot that it'll fit on. Make sure you allow for at least two tiles on each side of the building because you can't build walls/foundations on those tiles. Me, I'll often start on a much-bigger-than-needed lot and then resize it with the Lot Adjuster to a reasonable size when I'm done building. I especially do that if I'm winging it and don't have a clear idea of what I'm building from the get-go. But in this case I'm working from a floor plan, and I've counted the tiles, and a 3x3 lot will give this plan a good amount of space left over for yards and stuff. 

(IMO, the easiest way to guess-timate the footprint size when working from a real-life floor plan is to keep in mind that single windows and doors take up one wall tile and then use that “scale” to estimate the size of the rooms from there. Some people have come up with arcane mathematical formulas to do the "conversion," but...I hate math. I just eyeball.)

One relevant note about tile-counting, though: The driveway piece that the car sits on is 5x8 tiles in size, so all garages in-game have to be at least that big -- if you want them to be functional, that is -- regardless of the size it might be on the floor plan. However, for a garage attached to a house on foundation, you'll also need space to build a little "porch" and some stairs so that Sims can get into the house from inside the garage. So, if I'm building a typical front-entry garage where the rest of the house sits behind the garage, I'll make it 7x10 tiles. That way, there is one extra tile on each side of the garage door (which just looks better, IMO) and two rows of tiles across the back that I can use to build a little "porch."

For this house, which isn't a standard layout, I'm going to make the garage 8 tiles wide (when viewed from the front of the house) and 11 tiles deep. That'll butt the end of the turned-sideways driveway piece against the side wall of the garage, but there'll be space on either side for Sims to move around the parked car and to build a little porch.

OK, so now you can fire up your game, if you don't already have it running. Plop down your lot in a neighborhood. Here's mine:

The first thing you want to do is plan where the garage is going to be. Bear in mind that you need to leave appropriate space for the rest of the house around it, with at least two tiles free on on all sides of the lot, since you can't build walls/foundation closer to the lot edges than that. When you've picked the spot where your garage will be, "draw" that space with floor tiles. Doesn't matter what one; it's just a placeholder. Here's my 8x11-tile garage space that I planned:

Now, place a driveway extension piece, which will define the spot where the car will sit in the garage. With the rotatable mod in, you can put it anywhere you want and turn it in whatever direction you want. Place it so that the arrows point to the back of what will be the garage, according to the finished orientation of the garage. Mine is side-entry, so it goes like this:

I then place wall tiles along the "front" edge of the driveway piece, where the garage door will eventually be. You don't have to do this, but it can be a good reminder (especially if you cover it in an obnoxious wall covering) if you're doing something complex or building multi-bay garages or a more incorporated-into the house garage, to remind yourself of the space you can't block with other stuff until you put in the garage door(s). Anyway, here's mine:

Next, you're going to build the rest of the foundation for your house. You can just build the outline of it or you can do the whole thing. At the very least, you need the part(s) of the foundation that will butt up against the foundation-less area(s) of the house. For this, I'm just going to go ahead and do the whole thing, according to the floor plan above. Remember to include porches, particularly if any part of the porch is going to butt up against the garage. Here's my foundation:

The following step is skippable, if you're uninterested in having "sunken" space(s) in your house. But if you do want that, we need to cut that space out of the foundation and put down some placeholder floor tiles instead. Bear in mind when you're planning this space that you'll need steps down into it, which take up a tile of space. So plan accordingly.  Here's where my sunken living area will be:

(If this was an actual house I'd play, then I'd probably make the sunken space a wee bit bigger, to accommodate the necessary stairs, but since this is just a tute? Eh. :) )

Next, build exterior walls around the edges of the foundation. All of it. Even the porch. (You can delete any extra walls later.) If you want to, you can go ahead and build all the interior walls, too, and any upper floors and all that, as well...but I'm not going to do that here, for less visual confusion. Here's mine:

Now it's time to build some walls around the foundation-less area(s). Go ahead and build all of the walls around the foundation-less area(s) of the house EXCEPT for the tiles that will actually touch foundation. For those wall tiles, we'll need to turn off floor elevation constraints first to get them to connect. Mine looks like this when I'm done:

Note the four gaps I circled. To fill in those gaps, we'll need to turn off floor elevation constraints so that the game will allow walls to connect directly to foundation. Do that by opening your cheat window (Ctrl+Shift+C) and typing "boolprop constrainfloorelevation false" (without the quotes). With the cheat turned on, you can now draw the wall tiles that connect to the foundation. There will be warping like this:

...but we will fix that in the next step, don't worry. Go ahead and fill in any and all gaps in your walls now. When I'm done, my lot looks like this with the walls up:

Now we will fix those weird warped walls/foundations and at the same time cut the walls around the foundation-less areas down to four clicks tall. This creates a pseudo-foundation to match the height of the actual foundation. To do that, we need the level tool, which is under the terrain tools here:

and then here:

The next step is best done in top-down view, so you'll be looking at something like this:

To chop down the walls not on foundation, with the level tool selected, click anywhere on the foundation and then drag across the foundation-less areas, like so:

If anything turns red, there is something wrong, but otherwise release your mouse button and the target walls will be chopped down to foundation height and any warped foundation and the walls attached to them that were in the path of the level tool will be flattened down again, like so:

Repeat this leveling, if necessary, until all foundation-less areas have shortened walls and any warping has been fixed. My lot now looks like this:

The next step is to build walls on top of the chopped-down ones, like so, to match the height of the walls that are on foundation:

At this point, your sunken living area(s), if any, is/are now done. They'll just need windows and such. All that's left is to finish the garage. So, place your garage door of choice on the shortened wall (NOT on the full-height wall above it) along the front edge of the driveway piece that's inside the garage. Cunningly, I neglected to take a pic of what this looks like from the front. *headdesk*...but you can see it from "behind" in the next pic.

Basically, since you have the floor-elevation constraints turned off, placing the garage door on the shortened wall warps the shortened wall, making the tiles that the door sits on full-height again and, as a result, pushing up the wall you drew on top of the shortened wall. This is OK. In fact, you want this to happen because doors won't function on anything less than a full-height wall. Placing the garage door with the cheat turned on makes that happen. And, again, we will fix the warping. That's the next step, even. :)

Turn your camera so that you can see behind the warped wall, like so:

To chop down the warped wall, place a couple of floor tiles (doesn't matter which one, because you're just going to delete them right away) as close as you can get them to the warped wall. When you do so, the warpage will be chopped off, like so:

Then use the Sledgehammer tool:

...to delete those floor tiles, and you will have this:

And at this point, you are all done with the special part of the structure. Now "all" you have to do is 1) Turn off the floor-constraint cheat by typing "boolprop constrainfloorelevation true" into the cheat window and 2) Finish the house. :)

Be aware that the walls around the garage door are warped. You won't be able to use wall coverings with a noticeable pattern on it unless that pattern is vertically-oriented, like the vertical siding in the title pic above.

Do remember to build an inside-the-garage entry into the main house, because what's the point of an attached garage if you have to walk back outside to get into the house? :) Now that you have the floor-constraint cheat off, you can build some foundation squares and some stairs inside the garage, and a door into the house, like so:

(It's a good place to put the garbage can, if you want to prevent it being kicked/knocked over over by pissed off Sims and stray dogs. :) )

In my case, since this is just a shell, I didn't bother with finishing the house on the inside or the outside bits that you can't see in the title pic at the start of this thing. The "driveway" you see in the title pic is just floor tiles -- in this case one of the ceilings I made here; they're not just for ceilings, you know. :) -- but you can also use terrain paint, if you're good at using that. (I'm not, particularly, so I usually use floor tiles.) Also, If you want to have outside car-parking in addition to the inside-the-garage space, you'll need to put down another driveway extension piece somewhere along the "driveway." You can angle it in 45-degree increments if needed to fit. And you'll probably want to use an invisible recolor on it and the inside piece, unless you're matching floor tiles to the driveway pieces.

And that's pretty much it! If you have any questions, feel free to give me a buzz and I'll be happy to answer/help as needed, if I can.  

[jenniferisacommonname]

Voiceactors in my Head

One of my many contradictory feature sets is a silent, circumventing stubbornness paired with a pathological fear of confrontation. I will get what I want, and I will not stand my ground if verbally pressed on it. I concede points like it’s an Olympic sport. But as long as everyone's still smiling—gently, snidely, or otherwise—then I can go on forever. Case in point, I once trolled a stranger on the internet for over a year. (Don’t worry; by the end of the story you’ll be on my side again. And if you’re not, well, I mostly agree with you.)

It all started with a CD which was, at the time, exclusively available through the record label’s website. This was back in 2005, when online retailers still ran on frontier justice and only fools uttered the words “free shipping.” Needless to say, I did not have an existing account.

But we do what we must. So I bent the knee, and delivered my modern-day rogation of name, email, and PII governed by the Sarbanes-Oxley Act in order to receive my one CD—then I defiantly wasted that effort by never patronizing their establishment again. I mean, the album was fine, and I’m sure they had other struggling artists whose work I would have enjoyed, but apparently I’m against creative expression and the American small business owner or something.

Anyway, five years of blissful non-interaction go by. Then one day in 2010, I get a mass email from the founder of this little indie record label. It was—or at least it aspired to be—a classic “starting a new chapter” kind of announcement, letting everyone know that he had sold his (incredibly!) successful company, and was using the proceeds to start a charity that would bring music lessons to inner city children.

And, hey, I thought, that’s cool. Music is great for kids. Except… the tone of the email was weird. It was more than just casual; it was chummy. The concept of a YouTuber didn’t exist back then, but here was its primordial ancestor, testing the beachhead with its nascent flipper-legs of peppy chic.

“Yo, J-dawg, how's it hanging? Remember back in [mail-merged year] when you bought [whatever]? What a great album, am I right?! Anyway, it's been so long since we rapped, I thought I'd update you on my sitch…”

Obviously, I’m paraphrasing, but that’s how the voiceactor in my head performed it. And it just rubbed me so hard the wrong way. I mean, look, I get it—we live in a promotional society, and there's no avoiding that. I’ve done my fair share of book pimping, and if you have a legitimate fan base the intrusion can even be a welcome one. So, fine. Tell me about your thing—once—and maybe I'll buy it. But don't act like we're friends, like I have some kind of obligation to you beyond this basic consumer relationship that we've established.

So my gut reaction was a hard pass, pleading children’s eyes be damned. But the email didn’t include a link to unsubscribe. This spammer was so brazen, he had sent the message from his personal email account, as if threats like “more updates to come!” belonged in anything but a ransom note font. If I wanted my name off the list, I would have to actually write him back, creating exactly the kind of low-stakes, one-on-one confrontation that we all know is worse than torture.

How would I even phrase it, knowing that his overture was from the heart and my rejection would travel right back along that path? “Listen, amigo, I know you probably spent an hour composing this raw, honest self-reflection on your priorities, but it’s garbage, and I never want to hear from you again. Please keep in mind that while you have failed to inspire me, you’ve also failed the children. Because you’re a failure.”

The actual words wouldn’t matter; I was sure that’s what he’d hear. In fact, I would argue that a polite rejection is often worse, because it leaves no option for the rejectee to write off the loss as a dodged bullet. They really were a nice person, and you’ll probably never find anyone so humble again, you loser.

So instead, I got out my favorite piece of social armor: the ironic “yes, and.” In improv theater, if a scene partner implies that you’re the best of friends, you don’t argue with them. You commit to the bit. So I did.

“Oh my God, Steve, it's so good to hear from you!” I wrote (except I used his real name, of course.) “I can’t believe you still remember our special album. Makes me weepy just thinking about what it meant to us. Anyway, here’s what’s been going on in my life...” Then without warning, I dumped several years’ worth of emotional trauma on him—about severe autism, and how hard day-to-day life was, and how each treatment brought hope and frustration in equal measure while somehow never easing my crippling fear of the future. It was a therapy session on steroids, directed at a stranger under the guise of bitter sarcasm. My flippant sign-off left no doubts about my true feelings: “Anyway, as I’m sure you can imagine, we are flat broke with medical bills, bruh! So I'm gonna need you to take us off your list. But in the meantime, here are some autism charities that you could donate to on our behalf, since we're such good friends.”

To be clear, open snark isn’t remotely in the spirit of “yes, and.” But it felt better in that moment than honest rejection, and I figured he’d take the hint.

Instead, the guy wrote back.

“Wow, what an amazing story!” he said. “Crazy world we live in. I'll go ahead and take you off the list, but I do hope you'll think of us in the future.”

Ugh. He had met my bad behavior with empathy, and I felt moderately ashamed. Then again, you couldn’t argue with results, and at least I knew this ordeal was behind me.

Except he didn't take me off the list. A couple of weeks later, I get another fake-personal email, which I must again paraphrase, though I remember with furious precision the way it made me feel. “Heyyyy Jenn-ster, it's me again! I know how much you've always loved music, so I know you're gonna want to hear about this...”

BITCH. YOU. DON’T. KNOW. ME.

“Steve, what happened?!” I wrote back. “You used to be such a good listener! I think the money's changed you, man.” And I asked once again to be taken off the list.

This time, he ignored me. No reply, and the spam kept coming.

So I just decided that this was going to be our thing. Every time he sent me an email full of stuff I didn't care about, I was going to send him an email full of stuff he didn't care about. Except I kept pushing it a little farther each time, like, “Ooh, potty training's not going so great, let me tell you all about it...” And at the end of every email I'd always remind him, “Hey, anytime you want to stop getting updates on my son's bowel movements, all you have to do is take me off your list.” Sometimes I bolded it; once I super-sized it into a 40-point font. But he never did.

This went on for over a year.

But I won.

It’s a trite saying, but sometimes a picture really is worth a thousand words. The last email I ever got from this guy was short, which was unusual for him, and it said something like, “Great news! We've just graduated our first class of students—check out these pics!” (Why am I paraphrasing so much, when email is forever and I could just go back and give you direct quotes? Stop asking questions and roll with me for a minute.) Anyway, embedded in the email, like already loaded and filling the screen HTML-style, was this giant picture of… I don’t know, a kid kissing a trumpet or something. It was probably super cute, to be honest—but I was on a mission.

“Great news!” I wrote back, trying as always to mimic the exact structure of whatever he had sent me. “My son just had a colonoscopy—check out these pics!” And I pasted the actual medical photos of my child’s rectal passage into the email, pre-loaded and filling the screen, so he’d be forced to view them against his will, just as I’d been forced to endure his endless marketing crap.

Sure enough, he never emailed me again.

Pretty good story, right? And that closer—I mean how can you top sending medical photos to a complete stranger just to gross them out? Unfortunately (or fortunately; I’ll leave it up to you,) this one has a weirdly philosophical denouement. If you like your narratives sassy and single-layered, I suggest you duck out now.

Around 2015, I was trawling my past for wild stories that could be condensed into a tight three minutes for open mic night, and ‘that time I emailed colonoscopy pics to a spammer’ was an obvious contender. Once I had the basic structure written down, more or less exactly as I remembered it, I went digging through those ancient emails to finalize the details.

And what I found was… not what I remembered. The story I told above clearly had some emotional embellishments (see: paraphrasing), but it was fundamentally true in circumstance, I thought. And, yes, I really did send this guy two pictures of my son’s colonoscopy, though they were just thumbnail attachments, not embedded. But the text of my actual emails to him barely came off as snarky at all, and I never once told him in clear terms to take me off his list. There are a few lame hints at irony that you can pick out if you really squint, but by and large I was just… writing him back. Like we were friends.

Which is a good thing, because his emails to me were even less accurate in my memory than mine had been. He hadn’t cut me off; he’d replied to every single email I’d sent, in a way that made it clear that he’d watched every video and read every article. He was cordial, empathetic, and seemed genuinely interested in my kids. It was a therapy session on steroids, all right—minus the steroids.

BITCH.

YOU. KNOW. ME.

And in return for all this kindness, I had sent him horrific medical photos for no reason. To which he had replied (and this time I’m not paraphrasing,) “Thanks for the update on your son. I appreciate it. Keep up the good work. All the best to you both.” The updates from him had indeed ceased after that, but from what I can tell it was just a coincidental winding down of that particular enterprise, not a removal of my name from any specific list.

Eventually, I ended up emailing him again, this time as a penitential mea culpa to ease my own conscience. I explained the situation, and apologized for my unfair judgment of years past, plus of course the unsolicited sigmoid landscapes. He thought the whole thing was hilarious, and admitted that he’d never once picked up on my poorly-conveyed bitterness.

More important than the personal amends, though, was the lesson I had to swallow about how emotions don’t just cloud memories—sometimes they invent them out of whole cloth. I swear, I swear I remember a photo of a kid graduating from his charitable music lessons, but I can find absolutely no evidence of it anywhere. My brain made it up to retroactively justify my behavior: yes, I sent a photo, but only because he sent a photo first. It’s not even a remotely good justification, but I guess it took the edge off just enough to keep seeing myself as a good person.

It was an important lesson professionally, too. History is nothing but a mashup of inherently self-serving memories, and multiple perspectives can only draw a narrative closer to objective truth by half-steps, never to fully reach its destination. Even hard evidence is fallible, because my emails as written did not accurately represent how I felt when I wrote them, which is an important part of the story in its own way. Misinterpretations and flawed perspectives are inevitable, but they’re also necessary, and stripping them out as a historian is just as wrong as taking them at face value. A story is both what the participants think it is, and what we know it isn’t—especially when those two conflict—and every non-fiction piece I write is just somebody else’s therapy session on steroids.

[weheartjik00k]

JIKOOK RANT part 1: how from hating shipping I ended up suspecting Jikook.Things that convinced me.

If you don’t ship them DON’T READ!!!If you are confused whether they are dating or not this is what I THINK.I will analyze facts and moments, but thoughts about them are not a statement.Don't take this as 100% truth. I am not being disrespectful towards any ships or other people's opinions.I just want to express mine.(I love the relationship all BTS members have among each other.It's pure and beautiful.) I used to hate shipping and shippers.I used to listen to BTS but dislike them, that was me.It only proves how people can change(for the better ;) ) If someone asked me back then.why do you hate shipping amoung kpop idols I'd go like; "They are REAL people.Not fictional characters".And yes they are, but there I go. present self: If they are REAL people, why do you use them for fanfictions?Why do you read fanfictions with them?Why do you read smuts?You don't like people to force their opinions or fantasies on them but practically you do the same. old self:*silence*

Yep!I can diss myself the best way.But why do I do it?Because I know I was wrong for hating on shippers.I tell you this to show you that I was not and I'm still not someone who ships real people.(the only couple in kpop I ship is jikook and I'll explain later on this)

My sis is lgbt and she is married to this amazing girl and they are living happily together.I knew about them ever since I was like 11 years old.So, I am really opened to gay relationships.I feel very protective of gay people.I feel the urge to fight for their rights, even tho I am not part of this community.

The first boy gay couple I shipped was Isak and Even from SCAM.I just loved them so much.However, it was just a movie (series actually) that I watched with such joy and their moments were my favorite.I was a little bit confused how can I like girlxgirl or boyxboy couple and support them so much.I was wondering if this made me gay.But no!It made me open-minded.

Now about kpop skinship and shipping.

I know that in the kpop industry fanservice is the most popular thing.They are used to create those ships’ moments and attract even more fans.The skinship they have seems romantic in many other countries, but for a fact, it is not in KOREA.(or at least not always) Being touchy and cuddly with other members or even other idols from other groups is normal for kpop artists and Koreans.It usually doesn't mean anything beyond friendship.And I am used to seeing such touches because where I live this is also taken as a joke or it's just normal.Even boys are touchy(not like in Korea, but more than commonly)

Now I will talk how most ships are created.

I've noticed that the most 'powerful' ships are the most popular two idols in a group being shipped together.Why?People like to see people they admire together.It's like if you stan Shawn Mendez and Justin Bieber and you see them posting a selca.And you're like: " OMG!So cute...they are friends!"(this is just an example,idk if it's happened before lmao xd)

So most ships in kpop are the two most popular idols or the closest ones.(I am not saying your ship is fake or they are not close)And most of them do photoshoots together and do fanservice, but this doesn't mean it's meaningless for them.It's just the way kpop is.Idols know it, too.

So far, you know I was for a long time against shipping and wasn't ARMY or anything.(i am exo-l and even tho I voted for bts on MAMA I am still afraid to call myself army because I myself feel like it's gonna seem fake how I got interested in BTS after getting to know Jikook more.I don't wanna be a fake fan or smth)

Considering the way I thought, starting to ship Jikook is a big deal.Or at least for me.First, I watched some Vmin au edits and I got addicted because the videos were so good.Then I acknowledged BTS's MVs from 2017(i knew their previous music) and the theories.Then again I watched BTS au edits and somehow I came across this video called ‘Jimin belongs to V.Moments’ I didn't think much and clicked on it.I loved their moments.But never thought of it as something romantic.It screamed BEST BESTIES EVER to me.(Vminers, don't come at me; I have a soft spot for Vmin and Tae; I love their interactions )

Then I saw the caption ‘Jimin belongs to Jungkook’ *i rolled my eyes(for real)* -the very first Jikook video.I was a bit, just slightly bothered by their way of acting around each other.But I told myself;

"Um...no.I don't ship them.First, every ship has its moments.Second, Jungkook looks hella straight.(Jimin too, but sometimes he is just a mochi)Third, there is no way they are dating or something.Just some fans being delusional."

Then I watched Vminkook au edits and somehow ended up checking out more and more Jikook moments.I checked Vmin, some Yoonmin, and Vkook and then again went back to Jikook. I watched the 2017 summer package (the unicorn guys! it got me here xd...not really, tho)

I was like...it's just a fanservice, no fucking way there is something between them.And the more I watched their moments, there was this thing about them.Like...ugh!I couldn't explain it.Then in one month, I found out all the 'proof' I needed.

I've always been a realist so I knew some shared or stolen glances, some hugs or some holding hands and laughing together didn't mean anything.

Then I saw kookmin world(of course).Some facts that made me believe,but not be sure.

(this pic is not mine;i just googled analysis about it since i know about this and i wanted to show you)

Basically, after Jimin posted a video of him filming his face and smiling, after a while, JK posted a screenshot of this song(ILYSB-Lani).What's interesting is that Jungkook didn't play the song and only screenshot the lyrics.And I noticed this sentence - And you need to know, that I'm hella obsessed with your face. Coincidence?

reminder: JK himself said I quote: "Whenever I do a cover, I always check the content of the lyrics before I record it!Please look up the meaning of the lyrics and then listen again.It would sound different...!"-twitter update

So I think that he also checked the lyrics before posting this because

1)he is an idol and must be always careful.

Would you post a song in...japanesse, for example, if you don't have a single clue what the song is about?

2)

once RM asked him in an interview where does he get inspiration from for making music and he said:

"While translating lyrics"

On 28 may 2016,JM posted a video again of him laying down on his bed with the caption : “Laying down” Then JK posted a cover of IU’s song called Knee and recorded only this part

 the lyrics:

If I lie down on your knee Brush my hair Like when I was young If I fall asleep lightly from your nice touch Just let me stay for a moment Don’t wake me up, I’m going to sleep tight If I fall asleep lightly from your nice touch Just let me stay for a moment 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcYfHPiCVGE (the cover)

There are many others things they did on Twitter, but I don’t want to dig even deeper into this.(as if this is not already the longest rant ever)

Another moment that made me and still makes me believe in Jikook.Like...there is not any kind of explanation about this.

THE OSAKA VLIVE.(most of you have watched it, but..)

The thing that proves is that while Tae is waiting calmly in front of JK's room’s door

(find the analysis where the sound is cleared or turn up the sound on your computer or cell phone when watching the Vlive) we can clearly hear Jungkook calling Jimin's name.

And this got me shook.I was JUNGSHOOK,world shook and SHOOK AF.

Just the whole awkwardness, I was like..wut.And after TaeTae left the room, someone opened his door and scolded him and the voice was apparently Jimin's since it was fucking similar to his voice.Like...how can you confuse his angelic voice(and raspy sometimes *smirk*)

If you were still doubting that back then JM was the one hiding in JK's room or he was the one scolding Tae---I am prepared :) xD In the next Vlive (EatJin) JM was supposed to do it with Tae because it was Taehyung’s Vlive(something like EatJin but with different theme) and Jimin was legitly mad at Taehyung( for Tae).He was smiling devilishly and stuff and tried to prevent Tae from participating in the Vlive.Then JK appeared and after a while also Jin joined and JM still showed that he was pissed off with Tae for some reason(even tho he was smiling all the time) and even said that JK scolded poor boy during their practice.MY OPINION NOT FACT: So it makes sense if Jm was mad at him because he almost exposed jikook on this vlive(he actually gave us many hints, yeah..)and on the next day he wanted to get it back on him.

So my quoestion is:Why would Jimin and Jungkook hide if they share a room?There was only one bed and JM already had his own room.So he just visited JK's room?Why wouldn't they show? Ah.I know why.Because JK was naked, they were playing Lana Del Rey's song 'Body electric' and yeah.

Now Jungkook calling Jimin baby.

You know, I call ALL of my friends like this.And no, we are not dating.But guess what!Just like skinship is so normal in Korea, it's the other way around when it comes to polite speaking.Of course, BTS's member have lived together for too long and probably most of them are comfortable, but still, we talk about politeness on daily bases here.It's something natural.And what else we know is that Jungkook likes to skip the polite speech when it comes to Jimin.

However, the word 'baby' itself is disturbing if a younger boy uses it with his bro, bandmate or whatever kind of friendship they have.No matter how close they are, baby strictly indicates a romantic relationship.Many k-armys (or so I read in lots of posts about this moment) have freaked out when they heard JK calling JM 'baby'.Before actually seeing and hearing it with my own..head? xd, I thought it could be a joke.But none of them laughed or reacted to it.It was like something normal that Jimin, Jungkook and also Taehyung were used to.No one stopped, looking with a bursting smile or something.It was NOT A JOKE.It was a 'nickname', but a very weird one if they are just bros.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vomf-B4VqE

GCF IN TOKYO

This is the biggest thing, yet the one I will talk least.So let's take some notes down.

MY OPINION:

It's obvious how Jungkook worked on every little detail.It's proven because when the lyrics of the song are about the road-he showed the road.When it's about the beats-he showed how the traffic light beats in the same rhythm as the song.

As we already know, this boy always looks up the lyrics, so he probably knew it's a gay song.Also, it's Troye Sivan's song and it's a fact that Jungkook is a fanboy of him. Another thing-what he showed us is 75% Jimin being a happy, little mochi.

Some people (antis or whoever) say that all this trip to Japan is BH's advertising, but FOR ME and many other people(and I think it is quite obvious bruh) it's not.

If they wanted to make it like a "Date with JImin au" for the fans, if it was for advertising JK wouldn't show himself at all.But we can see how the first shot is him and Jimin in a bathroom and JK leans closer to the camera as if we could see through his eyes afterward.And this is how he sees Jimin. And most of all, the song.The lyrics.-"Boy, I'm holding onto something,won't let off you for nothing".This video (for me) is the most emotional way of JK expressing his feelings.(something he was never good at)

This is it so far.But only part one.Wait for part two guys, cause I have so much more to say about Jikook.Those are one of the things that made me believe in them.In the next part, I will include also some pretty obvious moments and why Jikook is different and why.And much other stuff.Thank you for reading this long ass rant, but don’t expect the next one to be any shorter.

(around 2300 words)

[roninhunt0987]

About and rules

Heya guys i am here to tell ya about this of what my main muses are in which timeframes and the rules

-About-

my primary muses is Merrick and Misha.. merrick is a black 3-tailed fox and also around age 18 and a female 3-tailed fox name misha at the age of 8 on the primary verse there.. plus there was a traumatizing event that happened when merrick was 6 and when misha was a toddler at the time or so.. they don’t talk about that much because they will have to people to have their trust and etc

O.o other muses are Kimiko around her 20′s and a lil girl named Lil Seiki who is 5 years old... O.o that would also mean merrick will be older around that time because Merrick would be the same age as kimiko and Misha should be in her teenage years at that point so since Kimiko and Lil seiki are primary muses however i am well focused with Merrick and misha so that would mean Lil seiki and Kimiko won’t show until like later on down the line(note: their pictures will be revealed later down the line or so)

other muses such as my sonicsona Jared, his wife Gaige the wolf and their twin 3 year old daughters Mi-hee and Mi-ja along with Jared’s sister kit prower is way way down the line of merrick and misha’s lives meaning merrick would be an old man and misha would be in her late 20′s or so...(note: their pictures will be revealed later down the line

O.o so yea basically Merrick and Misha are my primary muses.. =3 Merrick of course is the outgoing and protective older brother and and misha is the shy and outgoing lil 8 year old sister who stays close to merrick a lot and go behind him if she is shy but if she warms up to the person she is very well outgoing and talking to people

oh and i should go on ahead and quote what @unsung-heroesofmobius said below because i will follow on that as well

“I’m friendly to OCs and Crossovers. NOTE, if I see that your OC is a Gary Stu or a Mary Sue, I will probably not RP with you. They fall into the territory of Godmodding.

You MUST have an About page to RP with me.

I am friendly to any verses, AUs, and fandoms with a select few exceptions.”  ~ @unsung-heroesofmobius

anyways here is the older bro and lil sister duo’s refs of what they look like

oh yes one more thing Miles Tails Prower is the guest muse because thats Merrick and Misha’s cousin and also Tails is the same age as misha because they share a birthday which is october 16th

pics of tails in it

Note: these pics are made from my friends online and already granted permission to upload them and etc...

one thing about misha... =3 her fur turns dark blue during the winter time only so keep that in mind...

now then onto the rules

~rules~

1. no godmodding

2. no character kill offs(reason for that because its considered a sensitivity issue for me)

3. no forcing me into getting any of my muses into a love life(reason for that is because i had past experiences of people bastardizing my muse which one in particular i don’t want to talk about,, plus the fact as i mentioned Merrick is hooked up with kimiko down the line and as for misha she is hooked up with a friend’s oc which as i said is later down the line... if someone does that then the rp is over and be blocked on effect)

4. No bastardizing my muses(refer to the explanation on rule number 3)

5. please do not rush me to respond because theres other things i am highly busy with such as irl stuff and also websites i am on plus chatting with friends on skype or discord and etc

6. when theres an update that something important is happening such as if i am going on vacation or spending the week with someone or hurricane evacuations i may or may not be on the pc but will have the laptop available plus depending on wifi locations otherwise i will not be available until i return

7. No Nsfw stuff because theres a lot i am not comfortable with so don’t even try to goad me into it

8. if theres a death in the family in irl i may or may not get on depending the severity of the situation

9. no slurs or anything that will offend me... if its a joke i’ll let it slide and if its not a joke consequences will occur

okay thats all i can think of.. rules will be updated eventually and i will look forward to rp with you guys.. rh0987 out

~rh0987~

[chickenfetus]

HI!!! i like to request ALL of the flowery asks! btw i LOVE ur blog and maybe u????? idk 🌸🌸 (jk i love u alot)

who is this????????/ under cut bc i get rambly 

azalea: what’s one word that describes you?

lame lmao

baby’s breath: what did you want to be when you were a kid?

honestly? my answer’s like yours jen because i wanted to be an astronaut but also a vet and then a few years later i wanted to be something else of a whole different profession but now i know what reality is like and i have no clue what i wanna be whoops

begonia: are you a messy or clean person?

i hate seeing my desk/workspace be messy but i cant bring myself to clean it up either???? bc im lazy 

bleeding heart: has your heart ever been broken?

hMMMMm mmm idk i dont think so

bluebell: do you drink tea or coffee?

i drink tea more than i drink coffee but i drink water more than i drink tea i drink water like. everyday lmao obviously but i drink a lot of water its my brand now

buttercup: what are five things that make you apologetically happy?

what does this mean why is the word apologetically there i cancelled it lmao no negativity in this house

my favorite people (u know who + my friends)

when people answer my anon asks and . they respond with a long reply/seem really happy responding thats my fav fam

this is getting real anime but when i get an UR/4* from scouting 

finding an anime/manga/book that perfectly suits my taste

im very tempted to just say water bc idk what else 2 say 

calla: what’s your favorite book?

ive only read 3 whole books this year but i recommend all of them 

challenger deep - neal shusterman (i could go on about this book for days honestly its so interesting and even though its told by the same person it has two kind of perspectives because there are two settings, that didnt make sense but this book is my new favorite)

see you in the cosmos - jack cheng (i love this one too because its just so warm? made me a little emo but its really good and i love how unique it is, text type wise)

a monster calls - patrick ness (this was something i heard from my school first so i didnt know if i really wanted to get it but its actually pretty good?) 

carnation: what are your five most played songs?

i cant really check using the music app bc i added the songs at different timings so itll be inaccurate ill just do most played song from each band/group

again - astro (this is their best song dont @ me)

letting go - day6

all in/stuck - monsta x

death by a strawberry - dance gavin dance

check yes juliet - we the kings

chrysanthemum: what are you afraid of?

i may not b a child but im still afraid of the dark bc my imagination is wild im also afraid of bugs and disappointing others nice oh shit im also afraid of asking for things

daffodil: what’s your astrological sign?

capricorn 

dahlia: what’s your favorite band?

this question was made for me its day6

daisy: which ‘friends’ character do you relate to the most?

ive never watched friends 

dandelion: are you an extrovert or an introvert?

in between!!!!!

geranium: how has your day been?

its been good!!! i managed to ask my mum 2 take me to hair place so i can get it cut finally and im working on updating my tumblr pages and doing all my tags

hydrangea: what’s your dream job?

pass

iris: who’s your celebrity crush?

pass

lavender: what’s one of the best gifts you’ve ever received?

oH FUCK FAM my friends got me a kermit toy for my birthday i lvoe it 2 dEATH

lily: what’s something you’ve achieved that you’re really proud of?

i got first in my class once wow amazing that was 2 years ago i wish i was as good as the me from 2 years ago 

marigold: what would you like to do more of, but don’t ?

well i want 2 b more hardworking but guess thats too late

morning glory: are you an early bird or a night owl?

now that school is over and i have no reason to wake up early ive become neither which is saddening because... i like waking up at 7am on weekends and doing things early but now i wake up at like 9-10am and i still sleep at 11pm  

orchid: what’s the last movie you saw?

i really dont remember?? maybe uh guardians of the galaxy?? i dont remember who i watched it with and when but it was good actually i remember who i watched it with nvm 

pansy: do you believe in love at first sight?

i dont really believe in romantic love anymore 

peony: what does your url mean?

chicken fetus means an egg

periwinkle: what are you thankful for?

god get ready folks im gonna go on my biggest boxy rant ever...

so boxy is my friend who ive been mutuals for over a year and our first common interest is love live and haikyuu so we had that to talk about but im bad at keeping conversations with ppl on tumblr so that ended quickly but earlier this year or late last year i made a twitter and told people on here about it and she followed me and i didnt really mind/pay attention to the stuff she posted/rted uNTIL. until that fateful day... june 25th... at like 8pm? she rted a pic of mister brian kang with dumb minion glasses on and ok maybe i do believe in love at first sight? bc wow!!!!! whos this dumbass with minion glasses and the fluffiest hair ??? so i slide into boxy’s dm.. expecting an explanation and she gives me a good one saying how brians from a band (i would later find out), day6 and im not a fan of kpop, never have been.. ive only watched like some kpop mvs bc i love my friends so i expect myself to listen to them and get over them as soon as im done. boxy my friend, bless HER she sends me all of their mvs from congratulations to i smile and i watch the first one - i smile and me? i start smiling and i can feel myself getting excited because holy fuck theyre a band! they play fucking instruments??? and at this point im already whipped then i move onto how can i say and that shit blew my mind let me tell you.. so because of boxy... i get to where i am now, proudly stanning 3 groups and if it were not for her i wouldve never gotten into mx as well... boxy is just?? really important to me her impact is just that great?? so im super!! sUPER thankful for her and i dont think she’ll ever see this but boxy i love u thank u so much!! boxy gave me more than one reason to live, and not just exist?? without her i wouldve never been able to make so many (like 2 but hEY) new friends and this probably got so long idk im just really thankful for boxy thank u lord for blessing us with boxy (@/youngkwhom on twitter) (kittenma on tumblr) i hope shes happy forever and i also hope she has good days for the rest of her life?? boxy deserves it i lvoe u boxy

petunia: where were you ten years ago?

10 years ago i was like 6 probably watching pokemon or some shit and getting glasses

poinsettia: where would you like to be in ten years?

dead thanks

poppy: what’s your online persona?

i dont understad the meaning of persona but an egg?????? 

rose: who’s the last person you spent quality time with?

all my classmates in an exam hall for 2 hours, quality time indeed

snapdragon: what are your goals?

pass

sunflower: what’s your favorite quote?

i think i had one before but i forgot so maybe it wasnt my favourite lol idk i dont have one now

tulip: if you had three wishes, what would you wish for?

for all of my favourite people to be happy forever

a good future

i want astro, mx and day6 to get an award for all of their hardwork thanks

violet: what’s one thing most people don’t know about you?

i was gonna say smth negative but lets not hm m m i? ?? ill put smth irl ppl probably dont know either uh hhh i guess?? that i eat a lot?? but also get full really quickly but then really hungry right after that idk thanks digestion

zinnia: do you believe in magic?

no ????/ idk is there any evidence that magic exists 

JEN !!! thank u so much for asking even tho u probably asked just to get back at me but this was still fun ask memes will never get boring bro,. i love u and i hope u have a good evening also i love ur blog too moon anon probably already told u

to anyone who actually bothered reading through this mess - thank you and i hope you have a good day/night too!!