#probably the ability to ramble in here however long I please

[cybersvoid]

❥ A Pirates Treasure ii

──⇌••⇋──

♡ Pairings: Dabi x Reader

Summary: Captain Dabi’s crew accidentally caught a creature they never thought existed outside of drunk rumors pirates would spread amongst each other, yet here you are, a mermaid. So cute and frightened. Such a rare find, he can’t let you slip away.

Parts : i

ღ Warnings | AU, Nudity, Scars, Sexual Tension, Almost Kiss, Drunken Shenanigans, Implied Growing Obsession, etc.

Do not repost my work anywhere. If you see anyone reposting or copying my work please let me know. Thank you!

──⇌••⇋──

Captain stood there in shock at the sight before him. When he left he was absolutely positive you had a tail, yet here you were, sitting right where he left you, only now you had legs. He had always heard the stories. The topic would come up at least once no matter the country, no matter the port or the pub. Women, who were half fish, with the ability to look like humans. With enough beauty to strike a man down with a single glance. He always just assumed they were nothing more than stories—the drunk ramblings of desperate and lonely sailors.

However, years at sea had only fed his intrigue. On sleepless nights, he would stare out over the waves, hoping to catch a fleeting glimpse of the creatures described in books from ships he had raided, and murmured legends. Still, he never truly believed. Not until now.

Yet, here you sat. You were no myth. You were real. You were absolutely stunning. The pictures and stories truly did not do your beauty justice. He just couldn’t believe that after all these years of hearing about your kind, he finally had one of his own in his grasp.

“Did you know you could do this?” He questioned staring at your new legs among�� other parts, to which you shook your head.

“They told us stories, but I didn’t think it was possible anymore.”

“Well, I think this calls for a celebration, don’t you?” he grinned, pulling out a dark bottle from behind his back, “I take it you’ve probably never had rum before?”

“Rum?”

“Yeah, but put this on first. I won’t be able to focus for shit” He mumbled, removing his overcoat and then taking off his shirt, leaving him half bare revealing a lean frame etched with scars. You didn’t think much of it. It was perfectly common in your kind to not cover your top halves, but you’ve never seen anyone with so many markings before. They covered his skin in an intricate pattern. Your eyes were locked on them before he spoke up. “Arms up.”

You obeyed, lifting your arms as he slipped his shirt over your body. Fingers accidentally grazing your sides on the way down, causing you to jolt, and him to mutter a barely audible apology. It was long on you, easily falling down to your mid-thigh.

When the shirt was on, he stepped back, taking in your form before walking over to his desk by the window and pulling two glasses out of a drawer. “This is a delicacy so don’t spill any.”

You were confused, as he handed you a glass filled with barely enough liquid to cover the bottom of the cup. “Drink it. Quick and easy—it burns less that way.” 

With a wary glance, you tipped the glass back, the fiery liquid searing your throat. You erupted into a coughing fit as captain chuckled, pouring another splash into your glass, despite how frantically you shook your head. “It gets easier. Trust me.”  He insisted.

“My… my body feels warm.”

“That means it’s working. Take some more.”

“What is this?”

“It’s like medicine. Help’s clear your head a bit. Now, will you stop asking questions and just drink it?”

Reluctantly, you drank again, and again, the warmth spreading through your limbs, as captain kept refilling your glass. Taking swigs of his own, to match your pace, but he didn’t seem as nearly affected by the drink as you were. It wasn’t long before the room began to tilt slightly, your head was spinning just a bit, and you couldn’t help but feel less nervous around the once very intimidating man.

“Captain, are you the leader of your kind?” You questioned as you continued to drink together emboldened by the haze in your mind.

“You can say that. They do fear me, and not just the men on my ship,” he pondered, “And it’s Dabi. Captain, is just what my men call me. What do they call you?”

“Y/N. My name is Y/N.”

“Well, Y/N... to new friends.” He stated, clinking his glass against yours, and taking a swig. 

‘New friends.’ With those two simple words, your barely competent mind was able to remind you of why you were in this mess in the first place. Humans probably killed your friend Izuku, and here you were in close proximity to one, acting as if everything was normal.

“Now, c’mon princess, why do you have such a glum look on your face? We're supposed to be celebrating.”

You took a small sip out of your glass, before speaking., You didn’t want to pour out all your feelings to the man you just met, but you also weren’t able to hold yourself back due to the rum loosening your tongue. “My friend, he went missing a while ago, and I guess I’m just worried. He said… he said he would be right back, but he wasn't. What if bad humans got him? Wha-What if…?” You couldn’t even finish your sentence as tears began streaming down your face, the thought of your closest friend being murdered making you unable to continue.

Dabi was quiet, seeming to pick up what you meant regardless of the unfinished sentence. So you were worried about your little friend? That made sense. It wasn’t hard for him to notice that you associated his kind with death. The questions you asked him when you first met made that fact obvious. Not to mention the caution laced across your frame with every movement he made. He thought that the liquor would help ease some of that tension, but apparently, it’ll take more than that to help calm you.

“Why are you assuming he’s gone? One of your kind is much more valuable alive than dead. I’d say he’d probably be auctioned off to the highest bidder for someone to cash in on.” He seemed to think long and hard about this fact before continuing, “You know there’s a town with an auction held once a month not too far from here. If he was captured he was probably taken there. How about we dock for a bit, and take a look around?”

He saw your expression brighten ever so slightly “Really? Y-you mean it?”

“Sure, but you’ll have to do me a favor in return.” You felt your unease grow as you awaited his proposal “My men are suffering, we’re all running on fumes, and in order to make the journey to this town, and to afford lodging and food when we get there, we’ll need supplies.”

“B-but I don’t have anything to give you.” 

“On the contrary princess, you’ll play the most important role of all in this plan. You’re going to be our scout.”

“Scout?” You questioned curiously.

“Yep, you’re going to go swim out ahead, and find more humans like us. You don’t have to interact with them. You just gotta come back and tell us where they are. Then, we’ll handle the rest. Do you think you can do that?”

You pondered over his proposal. Even if you wanted to go to this place all on your own, you doubt you would make it far without giving yourself away. It was too dangerous, so going with another human was definitely the safest option. All you had to do was help him find other humans and he would help you find Izuku. It seemed like an easy enough trade. However, you still had a bit of unease about one detail in particular.

“Will you sell me?”

The question seemed to catch the man completely off guard looking at you with pure confusion. “Sell you?”

“You said we’re going to this place, and that my kind is worth a lot of money. How do I know you won’t turn around and sell me?”

A small smirk made its way across his face at your newfound confidence. Maybe the liquor was helping afterall, because he couldn’t imagine the timid little mermaid from earlier being so straightforward. “I suppose you don’t. But can’t I say the same thing? How do I know that the second I release you into the ocean you won’t take off? How do I know you even have a missing friend?” He didn’t even give you a chance to answer before continuing, “I don’t. I’m going to have to trust you. The same way you are going to have to trust me.”

Truth be told Dabi knew your friend wasn’t made up. Being a pirate isn’t easy work, and he’s developed a few crucial skills while climbing his way to the top. One of those skills was being able to detect when people were lying. Small tells that would normally go unnoticed, and he could say with certainty that you exhibited none of them when telling your story. However, he had a point to prove.

Not to mention he would be a fool if he ever sold off something as valuable as you to some lowlifes in that crappy town. And you’re not just valuable gold-wise. You possessed capabilities that would be incredibly beneficial to him. Plus, you were easy on the eyes. It did get awfully lonely being out at sea for long periods of time. The two of you could end up having a lot of fun together.

“...okay, I’ll trust you,” you whispered hesitantly.

Dabi grinned extending his hand towards you. “Now we just made a deal, so we gotta shake on it, so put your hand in mine.”

Slowly, you obeyed, grabbing ahold of his hand as he shook them up and down. It was a silly gesture causing you to laugh a bit.

“How are you liking the new legs?”

“They’re a bit weird,” you answered, wiggling your toes a little. 

Dabi brought his hand over, trailing his fingers on your skin, causing you to flinch at the sudden touch. But he didn’t waver, continuing to trail even higher, stopping mid-thigh, just before the hem of his shirt. The motion caused a strange tickling sensation causing you to rub your legs together. “Need a lesson on how everything works?”

��No, it’s okay.” You appreciated that he wanted to help, but you weren’t sure how well you’d be able to walk in your current state considering how much the room continued to sway.

He took a long sip from his glass, the slightest grin gracing his face before it quickly vanished. "My loss,” he shrugged. He closed his eyes, leaning back slightly and stretching his neck in a circular motion. The movement had emphasized the muscles in his upper arms and chest causing your eyes to lock back in on his scars. You didn’t realize he had caught you staring until he spoke up.

“Ya wanna touch ‘em?”

Embarrassed at having been caught, you quickly looked down at your glass and shook your head. “N-no it’s okay.”

“C’mon, I won’t bite ya.”

He moved closer to you, his hand intertwining with the hand you held the glass in before pulling it away, and setting it down next to you. He placed a hand on your outer thigh, and another on your lower back before pulling you into him causing you to end up face to face right in his lap. Even with the fabric in the way, you could still feel his touch on your skin.

“Do they hurt?”

“Not so much anymore. Most of ‘em are old,” he explained, reaching for your arm when you didn’t make any indications of moving, trailing his hand down your arm before grabbing your hand, and placing your palm on his chest. “Don’t you guys get scars?”

Your fingers began tracing over the markings on his chest. Your movements were light and gentle even though he told you they didn’t hurt. “We do. I just… I’ve never seen so many on one person before. How did you get them?”

“Ahhh, that’s a story for another day.” The movement of your arm caused the shirt you were wearing to jumble a bit at the sleeve, revealing the new marking you had gotten earlier which he took notice of. The more time he spent with you, the more interesting you became to him. 

You were a bit disappointed he wouldn’t tell you where the scars came from, but you also couldn’t seem to stay focused on it too long, your mind already moving on to the next question. “Do all humans scar this much?”

His hand went up cupping your face and forcing you to look into his eyes before he spoke. “I’m not like other humans.”

He was close now, and he was only getting closer. His nose was brushing against yours. Your lips were now centimeters apart. You could feel his opposite hand on your lower back pulling you in further.

“D-dabi?”

“Mmm?”

“The room… it’s spinning really fast now.”

“What?” He questioned backing up a bit to look at you. The small dizzy feeling you had felt earlier was now unbearable. Your head had suddenly become too heavy for you to hold up on your own as you fell right into his chest. Your body slumped a bit as his hands now focused on holding you steady.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” He let out a frustrated sigh as he felt your breathing begin to steady on his chest. Dabi hoisted you into his arms, in one motion. He just wanted to help you loosen up a bit, but it seems like he went a little overboard with the liquor. He set you into his bed and began pulling his blanket over you.

“I don’t want you to get it confused princess, I have every intention of sleeping with you.” He explained, knowing that what he said really didn’t matter considering you were unconscious. “I will sleep with you, but now doesn’t seem like the right time for that.”

Truly he wasn’t the type of guy who concerned himself with the ‘right time’ when it came to sleeping with women. He was a pirate, a damn famous one at that. There are women who would throw themselves at him any chance they got. But you’re not them.

There isn't a doubt in his mind that if he messes things up you’re just gonna attempt to run right back into the ocean you came from, and he can’t have that. He can’t risk you going somewhere he can’t follow when he has so much planned for the two of you. So he’ll continue to try to build your trust, and get you to rely on him. He’ll continue to play nice… for now.

[bekkathyst]

I'm gonna say this and I'm gonna mean it in all sincerity from a longtime follower: I'm really glad you're so open with how things have been since you moved to Austria. On one hand, I do feel like I'm not only supporting a business I have for ages and feel good about that and I'm also supporting folks I care about online into being able to have a good life. And on the other I'm glad, because if you didn't mention the bad stuff I would probably 100% believe you guys moved into the middle of Europe and immediately escaped all the evils of capitalism and integrated into a gorgeous place with lots of history and folklore and ability to forage (!!!!!!!) and I would be so jealous I would possibly die. So either way I'm happy to keep buying your crystals, and also while I am very jealous but I probably won't die of it. Please give your daughter a hug from me, and your husband a high five. :D

Ah 😭 this is really sweet and I’m going to try not to ramble too long but I feel like this is a good thing to discuss, especially right now.

The first couple months of moving here were an insane contrast of like the happiest I’ve ever been in my life and the most stressed out knowing that one wrong move meant we’d have to give it all up and move somewhere else or lose the ability to be together. The immigration process I’ve had to go through to be with my husband anywhere is difficult but it was harder here than what we dealt with in the US only because this is the place we REALLY wanted to be and it was terrifying thinking the chance to be here could just be ripped away. But of course at the same time I was seeing family I hadn’t seen in a decade or longer, I was getting to really connect with my ancestors, be immersed in the culture, forage in the way I’d been longing to do for my entire life, and all the rest. I feel like because of this I just blinked and now somehow it’s been two years.

The nature here is my favorite, and I honestly wouldn’t trade it for anything. But Austria is far from perfect. There’s racism, xenophobia, the bureaucracy has made me question my sanity, some of the social culture really sucks, my business is deeply struggling and I wonder if we can make it due to how high fees and other taxes are, and I will ALWAYS have criticisms for any government I live under lol. Living somewhere very different from where I spent most of my life is really isolating and I feel lonely a lot. And I’m sure however I feel, it’s even harder for Antonio.

But like I said in my post, in the end, this is worth it for us. It’s so hard BUT we get to watch our daughter grow up somewhere where she can have healthcare and a good education and swim in lakes and hike mountains and make so many friends!! Omg she has so many friends. 🥹 and I now have healthcare too for the first time in my life which is really just in time for me to get diagnosed with a bunch of chronic illnesses that I’d never be able to get any help for in the US. And now my husband also has the chance for the first time in his life to pretty much travel anywhere he wants to which is amazing for him.

It must be quite obvious that these are all feelings I’ve been holding in for some time lol. But I can’t believe what lovely human beings follow me on here and support us especially after so long! It’s been almost 12 years since I started all of this and somehow I’m still doing it. Wow. Incredible.

I love you 😭❤️

And here’s evidence of the passed on high five 😆

[lightreader1]

Fanfic idea- Supernatural Atsushi AU part 3

Note: I just want to thank @Venelona for being an awesome friend that had been entertaining my long winded ramblings and hyper fixations about their post lol. 

Venny you are awesome and your art rocks! 

Anyways technically this idea could stand alone as its own thing but for context on this Drabble please click here for part 1:  https://www.tumblr.com/lightreader1/779777145352454144/fanfic-idea-supernatural-atsushi-au-part-1-note?source=share 

Aaand here is part 2:  https://www.tumblr.com/lightreader1/779910843506769920/fanfic-idea-supernatural-atsushi-au-part-2-note?source=share 

Anyways again I hope y’all enjoy reading and leave a comment if you are so inclined! : D

Little extra note but I love comments and 99% of the time I will reply to them. =w= 

Also warning this is probably the longest ramble I have done yet. 

————————————————————————————————————

Prompt: Atsushi is a tiger yokai that had been sealed into a tree and now is in a kind of weird love triangle with two of the port mafia’s most dangerous executives. 

Actual idea- 

I fell like a quick recap is in order but Atsushi is a tiger yokai who fell in love with an Oni, they lived a rather happy and peaceful life until some cowardly yokai decided to get rid of Atsushi so he wouldn’t have Arahbahki get revenge for their cruelty to the tiger. 

This plan back fires big time so that while Atsushi was sealed into a tree in a near death state his lover went mad with rage and basically obliterated the yokai population before dying himself. 

This gave humans the chance to become the ruling species and due to the influx of magic thanks to all the dead yokai, some humans started to gain abilities. 

———————————————————————— 

Later on Atsushi was accidentally unsealed from the tree by port mafia executive “demon prodigy” Osamu Dazai. 

Feeling a mixture of joy and gratitude to the human who unsealed him from his hell Atsushi wants to repay Dazai by offering both himself and his abilities for the human to use however he wishes. 

Granted the only thing is that Atsushi refuses to do is kill Dazai or let him die, which is very annoying for Dazai since his hobby is suicide. 

(Extra note but as an effect of being sealed for so long Atsushi’s lack of magic essentially makes him a ghost unless he puts in effort to keep his body stable. Doing things like healing, transforming, and regeneration takes energy that he regains via sleeping. Though the exceptions to the ghost thing are specific ability users like Dazai and Chuuya.)

Dazai keeps getting annoyed at Atsushi and Atsushi starts to learn how much of how his savior isn’t really a good man. 

It all comes to a point where Dazai complains about another failed attempt thanks to Atsushi, Atsushi kinda loses it for a second. 

When they return home to the shipping container and Atsushi pins Dazai down to the bed.

His usually vibrant gold and violet eyes look cold and lifeless as the tiger leans down close enough to Dazai’s face that he can feel his warm breath against his lips.

Atsushi: “Do you really want to die so badly, Dazai-san? I grant you death, make it quick and painless just as you desire.”

Dazai smirks and tries to move his arms but Atsushi’s grip is iron.

Dazai: “Ohh~ Not gunna lie that sounds very tempting Atsushi-kun~”

I can imagine Atsushi’s lips trembling slightly as he leans down and puts a clawed hand agains Dazai’s neck, letting his nails scrape against his skin drawing the a few drops of blood.

And Dazai shivers at the feeling when Atsushi leans to whisper into his ear.

Atsushi: “I understand that need, that desire to let everything fall away so you can feel peace. I wished for it too while I was sealed away. But I have a condition.” 

I can imagine Atsushi leaning down to lick away the blood, healing the wound in the process and Dazai swallows looking down at his little tiger. 

Dazai: “And what’s that condition kitten?”  

Dazai’s whispers and shivers at the responding kiss to his neck before Atsushi moves up to place another kiss on Dazai’s cheek.  The tiger now has his entire weight on Dazai, but curls up so his head is right above the human’s heart, listening to his fast thump thump thump.

Atsushi: “All I want is more time. For so long I was alone, trapped in my own mind with nothing but darkness. It was horrible, a hell that I thought I would never be able to escape. But you saved me.” 

I can imagine Atsushi looking up at Dazai with tired eyes and a sad smile, and Dazai he doesn’t want to see his tiger so broken.

Atsushi: “I-I’ll give you everything. My loyalty, my body, my ability. Everything, just please please wait. You brought me back into this world of light. Don’t abandon me when just being around you makes me want to live again.”

Atsushi cuddles in closer and Dazai can feel the wetness against his shirt. 

He sighs before wrapping his arms around the broken thing resting against him.

Dazai: “Your really not playing fair Atsushi-kun being so greedy~ But fine, I’ll wait.”

Atsushi looks up to him the spark in his eyes returning again as he smiles

Atsushi: “Thank you”

Dazai: “Yes yes, you can thank me later. Now can you please get off? As….exciting as this has been I still prefer women.”

Dazai blushes slightly as Atsushi’s just smiles at him before placing another chaste kiss at the corner of his mouth and snuggling more into his chest.

Atsushi: No, you’re too comfortable. Besides if gender is the issue then I’ll just transform when I have more energy.

Dazai still blushing at the kiss before registering what Atsushi said

Dazai:……wait what?!

Atsushi just snuggles closer ignoring Dazai’s bi-panic

(And yes Dazai did think Atsushi pinning him down and licking his blood was sexy as hell. This is where he begins to question his sexuality because of his sexy tiger boy.) 

———————————————————————————————————

Over time both Atsushi and Dazai grow closer as their lives become more domestic.

He’s amused by Dazai’s childish antics.

Exasperated when the man pushes his paperwork onto him (steep learning curve given that Dazai had to teach him how to do said paperwork).

And he want to bite him whenever the man flirts with a random women in front of him.

(He does end up nipping Dazai a few times and refusing to heal him no matter how much the human complains about it. Which is a bluff Dazai learns that he does have a biting kink lol.)

He knows that Dazai can be cruel and calculating, he knows that his human probably doesn’t really care about him. That he is just using him for his abilities and the fact that Atsushi will attack anyone that harms him.

It hurts a little but Atsushi accepts this.

He finds himself loving his Dazai, faults and all and even if his feelings are unrequited he is content. 

He starts to find peace in this new life, he still mourns the loss of his old life and love but is also finding happiness in his new routines with the mafioso. 

But then Dazai gets assigned a mission by his “boss”, and Dazai brings him along and complains all about a “slug”.

——————————————————————— 

Atsushi is amused, walking along side Dazai invisibly smiling while listening to his silly human rant about his co-worker. 

It’s cute and makes Atsushi curious about who could’ve made his usually calm and composed human so irate. 

He stifles a giggle as Dazai starts talking about how he shouldn’t get too close to the “slug”.

How he is too good and that the slug shouldn’t be able to see his adorable kitten. 

Atsushi can feel himself blush at the smile that Dazai directed at him.  

Even if Dazai was just teasing him he couldn’t help but feel his heart beat faster at his beloved human’s claim.

They continue to talk about the details of the mission and how as per usual Atsushi shouldn’t reveal himself unless absolutely necessary.

It’s simple, normal for the two of them, a conversation that they’ve had many times. 

But then they turn around the corner and Atsushi stops frozen in his tracks as his entire world comes crashing down.

He see’s a familiar figure. 

The short stature, long orange hair, a beautiful face with dark blue eyes that matched the deepest of oceans. 

The presence of a man that has power and he knows it. 

Then the man turns to face them and Atsushi’s heart races cause he knows that smirk. 

He’s seen it a million times on a man who made him promises laced with love, safety, and a life together that never came to pass. 

A life that while sealed in that tree he thought was nothing but wishful thinking instead of memory

He doesn’t notice when he starts to run.

He doesn’t hear Dazai startled yell.

He doesn’t notice that the man actually see’s him even and looks just as shocked as him.

All he can feel is the magic running through his veins, giving all of his energy into making him as corporeal as possible because he needs to know. 

He needs to make sure the man isn’t an illusion.

And as he crashes into the man’s chest he feels that familiar warmth, the power once used to crush enemies so long ago surrounds him but he doesn’t feel heavy.

It’s not malicious, its welcoming, as if embracing him back.

It’s comforting in its familiarity and Atsushi can’t help but smile as tears start to spill from his eyes. 

A new warmth filling his heart as a joy rivaling when he was released from his seal.

And he snuggles closer to the stiff body underneath him, clutching onto the man like his life depends on it.

He can hear a strong heart beat and he smiles knowing that this is real.

Smell the familiar scent of flames and storms underneath the atrocious “cologne” that modern humans use. 

He is real. 

His beloved..

He smiles wide as he whispers 

Atsushi: “Arahbahki~”

He feels the man stiffen further but still doesn’t move away but instead moves closer brushing his lips against his beloved’s neck as more tears roll down his cheeks. 

Atsushi: “My dear Anata. My beloved Oni, you live. You live! My Anata! My dear love you live!” 

He’s shaking as tears start to turn to full on sobs, he can feel his grip tightening and feels his Anata flinch. But pays to mind to that as joy and pain start to mix into his chest.

Atsushi: “I’m so sorry love. I-i should have b-been stronger. T-th-they tr-ticked me. I -I was so stupid s-so so scared. I-i called! I called for you! I-i thought- hic -I wouldn’t- hic. Oh Anata!” 

He wants to feel his Anata hug him back, to hear his voice call him his beautiful Byakko once more, to have his love kiss his tears away like so long ago.

But it doesn’t happen. 

Instead he feels his Anata push against him, he looks up confused and lets out a broken whine when he doesn’t see his beloved’s usual warm playful look. 

Instead he see’s suspicion, even outright hostility.  

Cold eyes devoid of the love he so desparately craved for centuries showed no recognition.

And Atsushi could feel his heart break all over again.

Familiar arms wrap behind him and he starts to struggle, to cling onto his beloved. 

“Why’s he glaring at me? Does he hate me? Anata I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry! Please don’t hate me!”

He gives a broken cry when he is finally pulled off and is ready to claw at the interrupter until he hears a  Dazai’s cold voice.

Dazai: “Slug I’m gonna need you to give me a moment.” 

He watches as his love just stand up and dusts himself off looking before glaring at Dazai. 

Chuuya: “Fine, but your gonna explain what the hell is going on!”

He feels he feels a whine build in his throat when his Anata doesn’t even look at him and then lets out a pitiful broken noise when he feels Dazai turn him around and start walking away from his beloved. 

Dazai: “Oh my poor kitten, you really do have the worst luck.”

And Atsushi can only whine, even though he feels Dazai’s arms around him his heart break still breaks as the distance between him and his Anata grows once more. 

——————————————————————————— 

After this incident we begin the DazAtsuYa!

Essentially Dazai takes Atsushi a little bit away and gives the bare basics of Chuuya’s back story to him.

How Chuuya was an expriement and is 100% human and that what he senses as “Arahbahki” is just a non-sentient power.

His love isn’t back, it’s just Chuuya. A human that has Arahbahki’s power sealed within him and nothing more.

This of course horrifies Atsushi on a lot of ways. 

The idea that humans could do that to their own.

How he can now “see” his beloved but it’s only a body similar to him, the person “Chuuya-san” is a complete stranger. 

And Atsushi just is so broken after this, because he was starting to heal. 

After being sealed away for centuries waiting for someone to release him and then seeing how long he was sealed away he accepted that Arahbahki had died. 

But now he learns that some part of his beloved is still alive just sealed away?

No thoughts, no memories, just pure rage and destruction?

It devastates him. 

So Atsushi after learning all this information assumedly while Dazai is still holding him slumps before changing his form again. 

He doesn’t want to be human, he doesn’t want to be seen, he’s too tired and too hurt to keep it up.

So he shrink’s down, shrinks, and shrinks until he’s nothing more than a tiger the size of a small cat clinging onto Dazai in his grief. 

And Dazai sighs holding his kitten closer, petting him, and telling him that he has him.

That he won’t let Atsushi go.

———————————

But moving on after that Dazai still has a job with Chuuya and he can’t just leave because of Atsushi.

So with a sigh to himself he holds a vulnerable Atsushi close to his chest making sure to cover his little ghost tiger in his jacket. Not wanting Chuuya to see him nor for Atsushi to see the slug.

And he sighs because he’s feeling so much right now.

He’s worried for his usually optimistic tiger.

Atsushi always held such joy and curiosity in the world as soon as he was unsealed, even when he told Atsushi that Yokai are nothing but legends he didn’t have such a reaction. 

Sure there was grief but also an acceptance, a gratefulness for life that Dazai couldn’t help but be jealous of. 

But now Atsushi’s eyes seem just as lifeless as his own, and its all because of that damn slug!

And that is another thing!

Apparently “Arahbahki” wasn’t always just a bunch of energy, “it” was once an extremely powerful Oni Yokai that was also apparently married to Atsushi.

Seriously! The slug has to look exactly like Atsushi’s long dead husband!

And now he has to explain what’s going on to that Slug even though he really really doesn’t want to.

He wanted to keep Atsushi’s existence a secret in the first place but now that plan has went to shit and his fierce tiger has become a depressed little kitten. 

But Dazai just sighs holding Atsushi closer when he gives another whimper feeling the tigers dig ever so slightly into his shirt. 

*”Let’s just get this over with.”*

———————————————————————

Meanwhile Chuuya is so confused when Dazai comes back. 

He was suddenly attacked by some random cosplayer who kept on calling him “Anata” and was crying nonsense to him. 

But what shocked him was that even though he commanded his ability to go around the guy his gravity didn’t change. 

His usual perfect control seemed to be lost as soon as the guy touched him. 

And when Dazai got the guy off of him he didn’t fail to notice that the moving ears and tail didn’t go anywhere either.

Was this guy also immune to Dazai’s ability? Did his ability just mess with other abilities? No, Dazai’s ability is absolute. Then what the hell?!

Then when Dazai (who looks incredibly pissed off) comes back not with the guy but instead of a little tiger cub everything gets worse. 

Dazai must have finally went mad.

Cause what do you mean he unsealed the last Yokai spirit? 

What do you mean he’s been sealed away for centuries?

What do you mean the tiger swore his loyalty and life to you to repay that debt!

And what the fuck do you mean he was married to Arahbahki and is depressed cause I look like his dead husband! 

Just the FUCK! 

———————————————————————

Dazai and Chuuya still get the job done of course. 

Atsushi briefly transforms into a giant tiger to protect Dazai.

And Chuuya is in awe because crap that is a magical fucking tiger!

The cosplayer is actually a real magical fucking tiger and Dazai wasn’t just messing with him.

…..oh shit Dazai wasn’t messing with him. 

And Dazai just watches all these emotions cross Chuuya’s face while seeing how twitchy his fingers are while looking at Atsushi. 

And he smirks pulling his sad little tiger closer to his chest. 

Dazai: What’s the matter slug? Jealous?~

 And for a moment Chuuya has the intense urge to punch Dazai in the face and grab the cat.

But instead he flips him off. 

Chuuya: Screw you, you suicidal bastard. I just feel bad for the cat you somehow tricked into liking you.

And Dazai snorts and makes a joke at Chuuya’s expense to try and cheer Atsushi up, but he end up frowning cause Atsushi doesn’t act exasperated with antics as usual.

Just his little kitten snuggling closer into his neck, like he’s trying to hide from the world. 

————————————————————————————————————

After the mission is a rough couple weeks.

Once Dazai returns home Atsushi essentially escaped under their bed, stays in tiger cub form, and essentially acts like a depressed cat. 

And Dazai tries take care of Atsushi because he doesn’t know how to comfort him. 

He brings him his favorite food. 

Gets more pillows and blankets to make him comfortable. 

Holds him and shows him pictures of places all around the world to spark that childish wonder again.

He just wants Atsushi to smile again. To walk with him, playfully nip at him, and scold him for not being careful And I just imagine Dazai just petting Atsushi while reminding him of Atsushi’s promise. That Atsushi promised him his “everything”. 

That all Dazai wants right now is to see his Tiger smile again. And maybe that little talk mixed with everything else encourages Atsushi to eat that Chazuke. ——————————————————————————— Meanwhile Chuuya actually starts to dream which freaks him the F out since he’s never had dreams before. 

And they all relates back to the tiger  (who he learns through the dreams is named “Atsushi”)

It’s so weird because he see’s a younger, thinner, and more snappy version of Atsushi wearing nothing but a thin raggedy kimono. 

He see’s the tiger come to him and try to stay by his side even when his “dream” self was an ass. 

Sometimes they eat together, joke together, laugh, and cry together. 

It’s like seeing a life time happen right before his eyes. 

He see’s himself taking Atsushi’s hand, kissing it, and watching the tiger blush.

He see’s how Atsushi would hold heal  him and then smile at him so happily before curling up to his side to snuggle up to him. 

He see’s himself taking a kiss from the tiger and how his gorgeous twighlight eyes widen in surprise before returning the kiss just as hard. 

Chuuya even has a particular dream of holding Atsushi in his arms and well lets just things get a bit *spicy*~ 

They would talk of love, of marriage, of having a family together, of Atsushi carrying a child. 

His child. 

Chuuya can admit these dreams were rather embarrassing though it did make him curious about the tiger in Dazai’s possession.

But he refrained, the tiger was already freaked out by seeing him, didn’t want to traumatize the guy even more if this wasn’t just his messed up brain imagining things cause he finds the tiger attractive.

(Side note there are a lot of sexy dreams lol)

And then the nightmare happens. 

A nightmare where he can’t find his *”beautiful Byakko”*

 He see’s himself searching, yelling out for him, and then panicking cause he can’t find him!

Why can’t he find him?

Where is he?!?

And he finds the trail and follows it.

He finds torn bloody cloth from Atsushi’s favorite kimono.

And as he goes further he finds a tree splattered with too much blood and a sickening feeling in his gut.

Because he knows his beloved is gone. 

He’s gone…

He’s gone and someone hurt him!

Someone killed his beloved!

His sweet, kind, and beautiful Byakko.

 His adorable tiger who hated fighting and killing, who would rather heal and gather herbs to impress him with. 

His beloved Atsushi who would hold him in his arms and against his chest without fear of the “monster amongst monster” ripping his heart out.

Who was the first person to give him words of love and acceptance. 

His wife, the man he had planned to spend the rest of his life with protecting and providing for, the one who was going to bear his child, is dead. 

Probably died terrified, alone, calling for him in hopes of rescue. 

All in vain. 

*“He’s sorry, oh dear beloved nonono, I should have protected you. Why wasn’t I there! How could I fail you! Who the FUCK did this to you! I’LL KILLE’M KILL’EM KILL KILL KILL!”*

Chuuya has felt pain before but nothing so intense as that all encompassing as the SORROW and HATERED that made his insides burn.

Then he wakes up and Chuuya feels like he’s going mad because this isn’t him! 

These aren’t his memories or his feelings! 

And he only has one way to get his answers and move on from all of these horrible feelings and memories. 

So in Chuuya like fashion rips the doors off of Dazai shipping container to find the bastard petting the tiger cub underneath the bed. 

Of course Dazai complains about this but Chuuya just continues on his way. 

Chuuya rolls his eyes Chuuya: Oh please you probably have a million other backup places just as shitty as this one.

 He then makes his way past Dazai and gets on the floor to see a sufficiently spooked tiny tiger underneath the bed.

 I could imagine his eye softening as he tries to speak gently.

 Chuuya: Alright so…I need to talk to you about a lot of things right now. So I would really appreciate it if you could come out Atsushi.

 And I could imagine both Dazai’s and Atsushi’s eyes widening. Because Dazai never told Chuuya Atsushi’s name.

——————————————————————————

After this I can imagine Atsushi reluctantly agree’s to talk but keeps himself behind Dazai because looking at Chuuya right now is just way too painful.

He explains his story. About how “Byakko” or a white tiger yokai were hated and hunted because they were healers and their bodies could be used for potent medicines. 

How he met Arahbahki and fell in love. 

How they had planned to have a child but it required him to store a lot of energy to change his form so it could have the baby.

How because of that when the other yokai tricked him he couldn’t truly defend himself. 

How he was sealed away until Dazai came into the picture. 

And Dazai and Chuuya are kinda horrified by how painful Atsushi’s story is. 

But Atsushi just smiles bitterly and shakes his head because there is nothing he can do and how talking about it helped with the grief somewhat. 

(After hearing all this Chuuya doesn’t ask more about the dreams since he doesn’t want to hurt the tiger even more)

From there on Atsushi leans against Dazai before apologizing to Chuuya, for treating him like someone else. That if possibly he would like to become friends and if that is too much then at least get along since Dazai and Chuuya are work partners. 

You know just being sweet. 

And Chuuya, well Chuuya is sufficiently charmed by this sweet little tiger and Dazai starts getting jealous. 

Because like hell is he letting the slug steal his tiger!

———————————————————————————————

The rest of the story would be about Atsushi and Chuuya slowly befriending each other.

(Granted Chuuya is constantly fighting the urge to kiss, hug, and even bite the tiger amongst other things lol) 

And a part of Atsushi does fall in love with Chuuya as well but denies himself because he promised his all to Dazai

Meanwhile Dazai gets closer of their budding relationship and constantly tries to separate them as much as possible. 

It all comes to ahead when Dazai and Chuuya get sent to a mission where “Corruption would have to be used. 

Dazai specifically told Atsushi he wasn’t allowed to join but still does anyways because he doesn’t want to see his two precious people hurt. 

Then he see’s Chuuya’s corrupted form and moves without a second of hesitation.

I can imagine Atsushi running towards a corrupted Chuuya who is screaming in pain and rage.

 Of Dazai trying to stop him because he doesn't want the gravitons to destroy his tiger. 

But then Atsushi embraces Chuuya, and this corrupted Chuuya doesn't move away. Still out of his mind Atsushi lifts Chuuya's face and those pupiless eyes are crying as if something deep inside of Chuuya's corrupted state recognizes the tiger.

 And Atsushi smiles gently cupping Chuuya's cheek in his hand, he's crying but his expression is so full of love and sadness. And Chuuya, still in his corrupted state, hugs Atsushi for dear life bites him in the neck which hurts but thats fine to Atsushi. It’s familiar and in a way comforting and Atsushi cradles him while using his power to heal Chuuya's body. 

In the end Atsushi is just holding a peacfully sleeping Chuuya while Dazai is left flabbergasted about what he had just witnessed.

——————————————————————————

Dazai and Chuuya still get jealous of each other and of course fuck up trying to force Atsushi to choose.

Chuuya wants him but Atsushi is adamant on not betraying Dazai.

And Dazai says some particular horrible things about “never should’ve released you in the first place if I knew you were going to be so much trouble.” 

(Which he regrets immediately after seeing how heartbroken Atsushi looks before running away from him. )

It all ends up with Dazai and Chuuya compromising because they love Atsushi and don’t want him to constantly feel miserable because of their feelings for him. 

Atsushi is their tiger, and they are his humans~ 

What more can I say?

——————————————————

And that’s all folks! I might make separate dribbles on my head cannons for this relationship and characters later! Hope you enjoyed this and please leave a comment or ask questions because my gosh their is so so sooooo much more to this au that I’ve discussed with @venelona lol. 

[majorproblems77]

Linked Maze fans this is part 2! Time for more Analysis!

So our good friend Frulleboi has been absolutely cooking with these update's with three in quick succession and I am loving it cause I love it and is great.

So Like Fruelleboi, I too am going to send these out in quick succession (Ignore the fact that pt 1 was put out last week), This is for Soul stone part 2

Now a link to the comic page can be found Here! Please go give it some love :D

For the important stuff!

Linked Maze belongs to @linked-maze and its wonderful creator @frulleboi. (You should follow them, they are wonderful) And as a heads up, Linked maze is for more mature audiences! :)

As usual, you know the drill, Grab some water, Grab some popcorn and prepare for me to ramble at you for however long it is!

Here we go!

What makes you think that friend? What makes you think that?

Also wolfy thoughts

Shadow also coming in clutch, I like that shadow see's something first here, Literal eyes in the back of Four's head.

Guess who bois!

The friend, the bestie the legend themselves.

Angry man

Man sometimes I find the larger shots like this make Wolfy look so much bigger, I love him beloved.

Oh this is interesting

Can he smell the fact that Angel is behind them? Or has he had his scent thrown off because of the twili magics here.

Obviously we know Wolfy/twilight has had experience in the Twilight realm and the magic is twili in nature. So i wonder if now is the chance we are gonna get to see Twilight in full form.

I like this show very much

It makes it look like it's windy, and that she's doing something here.

In fact, it gives me, saves the day/ preventing something vibes. You know when the hero reaches out to cast a spell in an attempt to help someone they wouldn't usually.

Also Twili magic go brrrr

Ohno

This face, he knows what happens next, and is probably feeling something he's felt before right.

But, Who's he looking at? four is behind him. To the right of the frame. I dont think he has enough time between the feeling of the spell catching him and this moment here. Where he realises what's happening to turn fully around.

We know Angel is behind them both by quite a significant amount.

Unless he has the ability to feel where the spell is coming from? Or the scent has directed him in that direction.

worth a think about.

But thats for the next part!

Short and sweet, i like shorter updates where lots happens, it helps moves things along and keeps up the suspense.

Im looking forward to what comes next and i hope you are too!

Thanks for hanging out! And See you soon! :D

[sennyside]

Feeling inspired today, so I decided to finally redesign my oldest OCs, as well as share them with the world! The ideal is to one day make an animated series, but that's far down the line lol

(details under the cutoff, picrew link & credits below that)

Sen

He/They

Aro/Ace

Theme: Space, particularly nebulae

He was originally a self-insert, but really grew to be his own character, separate from me. His can alter matter on the atomic level, as well as create portals, even to other dimensions. He also harbors a being known as Void within him, but I go into that here. Ask if you're interested, however! Quite broody, but fiercely cares for the ones he loves.

(his hair is normally lavender, though when he's particularly riled up, it reflects the cosmos)

Name: Cass

She/Her

Bi

Theme: The Sun

She's something of a sister to Sen, as they knew each other as kids, then grew up together after... Certain events. She enjoys exercising, and fighting in particular! Also somewhat of a tinkerer! She can conjure and control sunflame! Also, her left arm is supposed to be a prosthetic, but the picrew didn't have any, unfortunately. Very tomboyish and energetic!

Jordan

Genderfluid

Pan

Theme: Water

They have the ability to morph into and control water, so they tend to change their appearance pretty often (and yes, that's why they're genderfluid), but they usually only change their hair. They have a great love for animals, especially frogs and other amphibians. Very joyful and positive!

Olive

She/Her

Bi

Theme: Earth

Probably the least developed character at the moment. She can control the earth around her, and I might add plant related powers. She and Jordan end up together later on! Also pretty tomboyish, though not as much as Cass. Enjoys gardening!

13

They/Them

Aro/Ace

Theme: The Mind

They come in much later, and due to the specifics of the arc, become something of an adopted child/younger sibling to Sen. Their ability is a psychic power so potent, it can affect the senses, even doing harm to someone. They enjoy messing with people. Very laid-back.

Lunas

He/They (transmasc)

Pan

Theme: The Moon

Cass' biological older brother, and well as an older brother figure to Sen. He was the only one by their sides throughout the years of torturous experimentation, and the only other family they had.

May he rest in peace.

Nina (name pending (for like four years now))

She/Her

She's a child

Theme: Time

The group's adopted child, she is the most recent experiment performed by [redacted], she has the ability to manipulate the flow of time, though she cannot yet control it. She and Sen have a very close bond. She particularly enjoys drawing and dancing. Around most, she is very reserved and melancholy, though around her family, she is quite bright and bubbly.

Feel free to ask any questions! In fact, please do. I've had writer's block on this since like 2021 and I write pretty well when improvising. Please, they've been trapped in stasis for so long-

picrews and art credits!

main picrew: @drowninnoodles OCMaker. They have several, so I'd recommend looking them up. Incredible artist!

da child:

thanks for reading through this indulgent ramble! make sure to check out the artists!

[jounosparticles]

I'm curious....... what do you think the hunting dogs's backgrounds are?

I mean, we know fukuchi's and tachihara's and jouno was in a crime ring but i mean like specific details. does that make sense?

like what was their education or did they ever have to do like a mini basic training? did tachihara create a milk locker?

idk they've been taking up my brain since like October and what I do is that since they don't have specific backgrounds my brain just fills in the spaces for me. just little backstory hcs djdebd

hi!!

okay so….sorry in advance i got really rambly but here are some of my ideas for everyone

the whole team

- tachi joined likely after the others

- i assume fukuchi was there from the start

- but you don’t start a one person team so i’d assume teruko and tecchou were there as well!

- fukuchi specifically picked out jouno for the team. maybe he chose all the members? maybe not im not sure really.

- personally i think they started the team with tecchou, teruko, and fukuchi. then shortly after jouno joined then tachi after

- fukuchi wore the hunting dogs uniform during untold origins. this means either they never got new uniforms or the team has existed for at least 12 years.

- that makes me wonder if there are former hunting dogs that have retired or been killed? or maybe it was just fukuchi and teruko at the start.

- i suppose if tecchou joined while a teenager still (16-19ish) during untold origins it would make sense still. i assume he’s in his late 20s if not older (please i need canon ages asagiri please make them at least 28 please im so sick of everyone being in their early 20s sob. anyways). it would still make sense for them to form then

- however i don’t believe fukuchi makes an appearance in the untold origins book? so it may just be a lore mistake and the team may be newer. who knows.

now onto individual characters

fukuchi

- was in the military prior to the hunting dogs. we know this

- his power probably was the core reason the hunting dogs were founded

- i assume he started training and set this goal in his childhood after getting the signal from amenogozen

- he likely helped form the idea of the group

- i like to imagine he knew teruko beforehand

- i assume fukuchi’s ability manifested out of pure desire to save the world. likely around when he got drafted. since fukuzawa and him fought evenly as children i assume he didn’t have the ability then

- i feel the other hunting dogs likely warmed up to him quickly. he just has the personality of that

- he’s probably always felt immense pressure and stress throughout his entire life due to him knowing the worlds outcome results in his actions

- he likely started out with a strong fighting spirit (like when he met fukuzawa) but he was likely drained and very stressed over time

- as for education, hmmmmm. i actually am not sure. we really don’t get much of any mention of school in bsd in general (other than tanizaki and naomi being students and kunikida being a former teacher). i assume fukuchi got some schooling but enlisted while young

i don’t have too much to say about him since we seen a lot of his backstory.

teruko

- i want to say she was also likely military or a public service worker of sorts

- we really don’t know much about teruko. but she has the personality of someone who is very used to her work and likely has been here a long time

- i feel she probably completed school and went to further school in law enforcement

- she is very tough and good at interrogation. it likely made her one of the most noticeable candidates for the job

- i assume her ability manifested likely out of a time where she desperately wanted to change people, hence the way it is. i’m not really sure how exactly ill have to think more on this!

- i feel she was likely quick to adjust to the job. she doesn’t seem to have an issue talking to people and would likely be a good coworker from the start

- a lot of her background is hard to tell when we don’t quite know how old she is. if i could hazard to guess even roughly how long she’s been around i could come up with some better ideas i think

- i like to imagine she uses her ability to mess with people before they find out what her ability is. imagine going to get a coffee and coming back and seeing a random baby at ur coworkers desk. that would be so funny

- she also probably could use her ability to get those "kids eat free” meals and stuff. not really a backstory headcanon it’s just what i would do

- i bet she always had her sense of justice. i don’t think she ever swayed far from the way she is now. her job likely toughened her a bit and made interrogation easier that way but her heart was always the same intent

- i assume she knew who fukuchi was before they started working together (guessing his reputation was already good or maybe they knew each other).

- she’s probably the brains behind a lot of their work. despite fukuchi being the captain usually it’s her and jouno strategizing the most out of them all. i assume she’s super smart

- i feel she was probably very willing to do the surgeries. she already likely was very strong and skilled in her work. she’s dutiful and i think everything about her screams willing

tachihara

- i assume he’s somewhat new to the squad. remembering he’s only 19

- that makes me wonder if he had went to highschool? if so he was part time hunting dog part time student. must have been one hell of a week. i’m saying he probably dropped out after getting recruited OR idk had a lesser workload until he graduated

- i wish i knew how long he has been in the mafia, that could help me figure out a timeline a lot easier for him.

- i assume he hasn’t been in the mafia much longer than the manga has been going on, however he must have very quickly moved up the ranks somehow without outing his ability. possibly his enhanced strength helped here

- he was found and recruited by the hunting dogs but we don’t know when. somehow long enough to gain their trust to infiltrate the mafia, but not long enough to make a name for himself as a hunting dog.

- guessing, he got found at 17, started infiltrating the mafia at 18, and has been since (at 19). best timeline i can think of that’s reasonable. of course he Could have been much younger but i just don’t see that

- anyway, prior to any of this. we know he wanted to be different than his brother which caused him to act out in rebellion

- regardless of that i think the people around him (including his brother) taught him a lot of who he is

- tachihara is loyal and caring, much like his brother seemed to be. they felt very similar in personality there it really shows

- i’ll also note that his eyes stay bright white most of the time in the manga. despite most of the mafia having black eyes

- but i think being in the mafia taught tachihara that good people can do horrible things, which likely influenced his decision in sparing yosano

- i’d guess his ability manifested out of grief for his brother. he formed a much more dangerous ability that would help him get revenge

- as for joining the hunting dogs, i assume he fit in well from the start

- i think he seems like the type to be very easy to get along with which probably made him an optimal choice for infiltrating but also being part of the job.

- we can see that he cares about the approval of his coworkers as well

- he looks very happy and proud of completing his job. i think this just further shows that he’s always loyal to people, even if they contradict each other

- i bet he was surprised at the start of his military job. he likely didn’t have an option to not join. the sudden change from the surgeries was probably hard. i assume he didn’t train much beforehand since it wasn’t really important

- i like to imagine they all trained him a little bit and they all grew to like him rather quickly !!

jouno

- so all we know is that he was in a crime group six years prior to the current events

- as for schooling i’m really lost here. he might have went to school. he might not have went much. who knows. not me

- i assume jouno had a rougher upbringing. assuming he is at least in his mid-late twenties he was in his crime group until he was an adult

- that is explained a lot in his actions as well. he’s maintained his sadistic personality overtime. compare that to dazai who left his crime group while still a teenager and has had a clear change in some core personality traits

- of course, we don’t know how criminal-era jouno was. but i assume he didn’t change too much since based off the way he acts now.

- we also know he was an executive in said criminal organization, so he was likely affiliated with them for a long time.

- let’s take a quick look at the only executive jouno picture:

this photo is really neat. the striped outfit could indicate that he was a prisoner that fukuchi spotted. it could also just appear that way to look ambiguous as well. jouno also is smiling in the image, this could also be him being asked by fukuchi to join the hunting dogs here. it doesn’t really explain what’s going on or where he is. i just think it’s neat and worth bringing up. had be been a prisoner though im sure it would have been an easy escape given his ability (unless he was in an ability space, of course).

- anyway. this picture also shows his eyes closed, meaning he loses his sight before joining the hunting dogs

- he mentioned that he Lost his sight when arresting dazai, which means he was not born that way. i switch between it being an injury or an illness that made him lose it. either idea is interesting to me and i hope we get an answer.

- either way, i want more criminal executive jouno information

- and i’d assume his ability formed when he felt trapped somewhere. possibly cornered or in a dangerous situation and just needed a quick way to escape and formed it out of fear maybe?

-as for joining the hunting dogs, i assume it was a rougher transition for him

- the people who were after him before are now his coworkers. he probably felt awkward over this (if the others know his past)

- i assume he had the hard time adjusting to everyone too. probably easily annoyed but not wanting to come off that way until he was confident in his job

- i also assume the surgeries wasnt something he initially wanted to do but ultimately did because that’s better than being executed or imprisoned for his crimes.

- he also seems like the type to be reluctant to work with others. possibly making adjusting harder for him

- his morality probably clashed against tecchou’s a bit at first, until jouno found the joy in helping others

- i believe the hunting dogs really helped him find joy in helping people as well. their dedication probably helped motivate him

- he also mentions in one panel after fukuchi asks him to betray "so this isn’t some kind of military test?" which (maybe a stretch) Could suggest he’s been tested by the military to see if he’s still reliable. maybe this creates some lack of trust because people don’t believe him.

- i also assume his upbringing influences the way he acts towards people. he’s cold and mean sometimes but that’s likely a defense mechanism to not b too close to others

tecchou

- once again we don’t know much about tecchou yet. there’s nothing about his past yet but that doesn’t mean i don’t have a ton of ideas floating around

- i feel like teruko he probably went to school and then law-enforcement in post secondary. i know he was a good student too

- we know he’s typically very composed. even when joking he often keeps a straight face except that one time he teases jouno but that’s just him being gay idk

- because of this i wonder if he had some communication issues growing up? maybe working in anything unprofessional didn’t work for him since he often was taken seriously

- however with that in mind i believe he was definitely raised with his just morals. it seems really driven into him and seems to be a huge part of who he is

- i like to think his sense of justice stems from being failed by the system before. maybe he lost someone close to him and never got proper justice?

- what backs that up is how he mentions "there is evil that goes unpunished, and good that goes unrewarded.” and mentions that his blade helps decide that. that is an immense amount of pressure onto himself to keep everything he possibly can just

- such ideas i guess stem from his desire to never have someone not get what they deserve. destroy all evil, protect the innocent. he wants to do what the system failed before and takes it upon himself.

- maybe his ability manifested out of his desire to protect people?

- as for adjusting into the hunting dogs, i feel it wasn’t great or badly. got along with people fine but i feel maybe his very straight-faced personality was a strong contrast to the others at first

- he was possibly military beforehand? or law enforcement and was recruited because of his ability and his strong morals

- he was probably willing to do the surgeries and was already very physically trained. anything to serve proper justice

- he seems to be the calmest-acting of them all. very straightforward when he talks. maybe this was hard to get along with initially? until you’re used to him

- i don’t think he sees the way he acts as unusual either. probably just doesn’t care and is just himself. (which i love)

- i also like to imagine his fixation on ants and stuff is just something he’s always liked. idk he’s so cute for that

- he probably excelled at working right away. i see him to be very good at staying determined to get the job done

thank you for the question!! this was super fun to look at. also please ignore the grammar issues i am super tired

[chaotic-on-main]

Chapter 8: June - Part Three

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, romance, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, references to child abuse, smoking and alcohol abuse mentions, domestic violence mentions, light assault

☾ Author's note ➼ Hey guys! Here's part 3, as promised!! I'm going to take a very small break from this so I can get started on my summer requests (which by the way if you haven't sent one in and would like to, please go here for the rules!!) but I'll be back soon with what I believe is the best plot line yet. I'm really excited for y'all to see it, as it's like nothing I've ever written before. See y'all with part 4!!

☾ Word Count ➼ ~5.9k

In the past, Levi never found himself in situations like the ones he found himself in lately. Before you landed in his café so many months ago, life was simple. Work, home, sleep for a couple of hours, rinse and repeat. He didn’t mind the repetition. Then you came in and painted his life with every color imaginable – everything seemed so overwhelming. But you would never find him upset about it.

Levi watches you by the kitchen island as you twirl in front of Hange to show off the new dress you had bought from the shopping trip you had earlier in the day. It hugs your curves perfectly. The front is quite modest, probably a personal preference of yours. But the back – Levi averts his gaze from the searing heat pooling into his stomach. His eyes don’t stay away for long, however. How could they?

The open back of your floral patterned, thinly strapped dress ends right above your ass, falling loosely down to the middle of your thighs. You had gotten so much sun yesterday that the lines left behind from your bathing suit cut across your soft skin. That damned bathing suit. It was extremely unfair of you to look like that.

Levi clenches his phone in tight fingers as he forces himself to look away and out the window to the early evening. Clouds so fluffy that they looked drawn on float by gently. The weather has been great all day, and he imagines it will only stay this way for the rest of the night. Was this an omen for something?

“That tour sure was something.” Erwin says as he ambles up to the counter. Levi hums in agreement, only half paying attention to Erwin’s continuous rambles about what you all had seen today at Liberio’s local history and cultural museum.

Most of the displays were about a war that happened a long time ago. He already knew a bit, considering the war in question was with Paradis, the island you are all from. Levi didn’t care too much about history, though. He spent the entire time watching your reactions from afar, inwardly chuckling to himself at your ridiculous behavior. Wide eyes and toothy grin as you went through the whole thing in child-like wonder. Levi’s eyes cut over to your standing figure in the doorway as you chat with your sister.

If there was anything in that museum that needed to be protected at all costs, it was you.

Something tugs at Levi’s sleeve, breaking him out of his thoughts. It’s you, getting his attention to warn him that you were all ready to leave. He nods and slides his phone into his back pocket before following you to the elevator, your sweet perfumes wafting back and tickling his nose.

Liberio’s town square wasn’t very far. The moment you had all stepped out into the humid evening air, Levi’s eyes were immediately blasted with bright streamers and other various multi-colored decorations. The street is fairly crowded as well, and only got worse the closer you all got to the main square.  

The scents of assorted cooked foods blew in the breeze, and even Levi couldn’t deny how wonderful they all smelled. He watches as your nose picks up on it as well, and the way you look back at him to check if you were still there makes him want to whisk you away and kiss you right then and there. Levi shakes his head to get that visual out and regrets it immediately.

You were still looking at him when he did that, and your smile fades. You face forward again, focusing on where you were going. Levi groans to himself, mentally punching himself. Did you think he was disapproving of you? It was only the thought of kissing you that he didn’t agree with.

Lies. His brain says.

Fuck off. Levi retorts back.

When you all got to the square, it was much more crowded than the town locals had warned about earlier. The music increased in volume tenfold, and from the looks of it, it’s coming from a DJ booth that sits in front of the town hall. There isn’t a designated dancing area that Levi could tell, considering everyone around him was dancing to the greatest top hits of the summer.-

Someone bumps into you and subsequently right into Levi since he's right behind you. He grabs onto your shoulders to steady you as he shoots daggers at the person that almost knocked you over.

“Are you okay?” Levi’s breath tickles your neck since you’re still pressed up against him from the dense crowd. Instead of responding, he feels your fingers find his hand and closes around it. You squeeze twice. He takes that as an okay because you continue on, but your fingers never let go. And he doesn’t pull away either.

It’s a good thing that you had a grip on him because it wasn’t much longer until Hange and Erwin disappeared from Levi’s sights. What else is new?

The crowd thickens as time goes on. Levi lets you lead, mainly because he doesn’t have the space to be able to pull forward. It became increasingly clear to him early on that you had no idea where you were going. He makes no move to stop you, though.

Levi’s hand tightens on yours and you squeeze back. It’s reassuring, something he wasn’t prepared to feel from such a small action. Whether it was from knowing you were still with him or because it was you to begin with. Abruptly, you stop in your tracks and Levi smacks into the back of you, almost knocking you forward.

“Hey, what…” Levi trails off as he follows your eyes to the spectacle in front.

A burst of heat slams into Levi’s face making him flinch. Blinking a few times, he spots a man dancing with a torch in one hand and a bottle of clear liquid in the other. Someone is off to the side, hand drumming a beat and leading the dancing man. After a few seconds, he does a back flip and then spits out some of the clear liquid he must have had in his mouth up into the sky and sticks the torch in it, creating a fiery plume above his head.

Levi’s eyes flicker over to yours, which sit wide in fear. It shames him to admit that it took him too long to understand why.

Levi squeezes your hand, only now realizing how hard they’re trembling. You don’t squeeze back. He tugs on it, probably a little rougher than he meant to. Your body sways from the sudden jerk, but you still make no effort to move your legs.

“Let’s go sit. Maybe the idiots will find us.” Levi says decisively before interlacing his fingers in yours and dragging you away and back into the crowd, you clumsily following behind.

Eventually, Levi finds solace at a fountain tucked away down the road that is significantly less crowded. He leads you over to it and sits you down gently, noting how glassy your eyes were. You hadn’t moved much since then, which Levi attributed to the possible shock at the sudden flames being thrown in your face.

It had been quite a few months since you were introduced into Levi’s life, but even still, you weren’t very forthcoming about how bad the trauma from that night so many years ago was for you. He’s made assumptions, sure. But there was never a good time to bring it up, and truth be told, he hoped you would talk to him when you were ready.

If you didn’t wish to talk about it, he would offer company instead. He understood that you didn’t need to say anything now, and Levi would wait for as long as he needed to.

“Hey.” Your glazed eyes shift from the couple slow dancing a few yards away and up to Levi’s slate gray eyes. The cool evening air blows past, blowing a few strands across your face as you try to focus on Levi.

“We can take as long as you need.” He mutters over to you. You stare over at him and blink a few times. Your lips pull back into a grateful smile, and nod.

You both sit for a while, watching the people who are currently enjoying the evening festivities. A group of kids run by, all with ice cream cones, followed by a very disheveled blonde teen who looks torn between having fun and wishing he was home.

In addition to the soft music weaving through the buildings, the rushing of water from behind offers a sense of peace that Levi hasn’t felt in a while. Was it the fountain though, or was it you? Levi glances over to find you watching him intently. It makes his stomach do flips.

“Are you getting hungry?” Levi raises an eyebrow at you.

‘I think so. Are you?’ You sit back on the concrete fountain lip you both were currently resting on. Levi could tell you were doing your best to keep yourself present, which meant a distraction is well needed.

“Let’s go get you something.” With that, Levi slides off the wall and offers you a hand. You grab it with no hesitation, smiling up at him as he pulls you off the side and a few inches away from his face.

There’s a moment where Levi pauses, glancing down to your lips that currently still curve into a soft smile. Blinking a few times, he takes a step back and mumbles an apology. He turns on his heel and leads you over to the multiple food stalls lining the sides of the closed off road, his fingers intertwining in yours to not lose you.

“What kind of food are you thinking of?” Levi semi-shouts over the chatter around you, his eyes scanning around the options then over to you. You stand, hip cocked to the side as you tap your chin with a finger in thought. Your lips jut out as you contemplate. Eventually, your gaze lands on a stall selling something called ‘pizza cones’. You point to that one, and look over to Levi with wide eyes. How could he ever say no to that face.

Levi internally groans when he gets closer, however. The line is a little long, but that’s not what makes his skin crawl. There’s only a few people ahead and Levi watches as the vendor hands a girl no older than 10 a cheesy cone. She takes a huge bite out of it before fanning her mouth from the heat, food still stuffed in her mouth. Cheese and red sauce slip out the corners of her wide smile, looking up at a familiar blonde teenager who returns a booming laugh. These were the messiest things Levi’s ever seen.

“Reiner, you have to try this!” She shouts, barely containing her glee. The boy who she referred to as Reiner glances over to you and Levi standing behind them and offers a small apology.

“I will Gabi, but we need to let these nice people have their turn now. Let’s go find Falco and the others so you can gush about it with them, yeah?” He pats her head and places a hand on her shoulders before turning her around and marching her off. Reiner turns and mouths another apology before getting lost in the crowd.

“What can I get you two?” A man leans out of the window as he eyes you and Levi. He has a black handlebar mustache that curls out at the ends and a sweaty, bald head. He smiles down at the pair of you with warmth.

Levi looks over to you as you squint your eyes at the menu hanging up by the window. Your teeth bite into your bottom lip as you focus, eyes glued to the blackboard. After a couple seconds, your eyes flicker over to Levi and puff your cheeks out.

‘What are you getting?’

“I’m not that hungry. What are you getting?” Levi crosses his arms across his chest as he waits for you. You scrunch your nose as you try to decide, which was not easy to do. His stomach flips as he watches you think.

‘I guess I’ll take a pepperoni one. With extra cheese!’ You sign excitedly.

Levi easily translates for the man and before you can dig for your wallet in the little bag strapped across your body, he whips out a few bills and hands them over. You shoot him a glare, hand still in your bag.

“Too slow.” A smirk plays on his lips as he glances over to you. You reach over and pinch his earlobe with your tongue sticking out at him. He swats at you with one hand as he reaches over and grabs the cone you had ordered from the vendor’s outstretched arm in the other, saying thanks as he does. Levi hands it over to you, and you return a grateful smile despite your annoyance from him paying. Then he points in a direction with his head and walks off, you practically skipping on his heels.

Levi doesn’t stop until he finds a fairly clear spot, landing you both where the carnival games just start on the street. Unfortunately, there isn’t anywhere to sit. Instead, he leans against a brick wall facing the crowd, arms across his chest as he watches you back into the wall as well.

You are much more delicate with this absurd delicacy in your hand compared to that child earlier, opting to use a plastic fork you had grabbed before leaving the stall. You look up to see him watching you with those stormy grey eyes of his. You’re caught off guard by the intense stare that the contents on your fork slip off and splatter back into the doughy cone. Levi huffs under his breath in amusement as he continues to eye you.

He never thought he would get this comfortable around anyone. But you weren’t just anyone anymore, were you? You were that little girl he sought to protect those many years ago. And now you’re the woman he wouldn’t mind standing next to for as long as he was able to. Levi’s thoughts falter at the sudden revelation.

When did this happen? There’s a nagging in the back of his head telling him that he’s always felt like that. What would you think if you found him out? Would you want that? Him?

You mouth a ‘what’ to him, not able to converse clearly with both hands occupied.

“You’re a mess.” Levi retorts back dryly.  

Gingerly, Levi leans over with a napkin pinched in between two fingers, his eyes fixated on something above your lip. He gently wipes at it with the papery napkin, your eyes never leaving his face. You stand, frozen, which makes things easier for Levi. After a moment, he pulls away to inspect his work. His eyes scan your face to make sure, but in truth, he just liked looking at you and he wanted any excuse to do so. He folds the napkin up once he’s satisfied and leans back against the brick building as if nothing happened. His stomach, however, does somersaults.

“Um, excuse me.” A shaky voice pipes up from in front. You and Levi turn to the source at the same time and are met with the sight of an older woman, maybe in her 70s, with a thin piece of what looks to be paper pinched between two fingers. She has a gentle smile gracing her features, her crows feet surrounding her sparkling hazel eyes. A polaroid camera hangs from her neck.

“I’m really sorry to intrude, and I hope this doesn’t come off as weird. But I snapped this photo of you two from afar, and I thought you two might like it.” She pushes her hand with the piece of paper forward to Levi, and he takes it carefully. His slightly annoyed expression turns into surprise.

It’s not just a piece of paper - it’s a developed photo. And in the film is a picture of you staring at Levi as he leans in, napkin in hand. It’s not the snapshot itself that flusters him, nor the fact that this random stranger had even taken an unsolicited photo of you both. It was the look that you were giving Levi, forever immortalized in this small frame.

“You two are very adorable. How long have you been together?” She smiles unknowingly.

Levi glances back up to the woman and stutters in denial at the same time that you wave your hands in front of your body in a declining manner. She raises her eyebrows in surprise.

“Oh, dear me. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to assume. You two just fit well together.” She reaches over and pats your shell-shocked face right on the cheek. She stares into your eyes and then gives a subtle nod. Looking over to Levi, she smiles sweetly.

“You keep that photo for memories, will you?” She reaches over and pats Levi on the chest before turning on her heels and walking off into the crowd.

You pluck the picture out of Levi’s hand and pull it up close to your face. Levi watches as your eyes widen at the glossy film. Carefully, you open your bag and slide it in for safekeeping. As if nothing happened, you go back to eating your meal, ignoring the red-hot blood pooling into your cheeks.

.

The topic of the photo lies forgotten, or maybe it was intentionally ignored. Levi wonders what you might be thinking – did you see the same thing he saw? Maybe there wasn’t anything to see and his brain is playing tricks on him. He decides to go with that and pushes it far back in his mind.  

You had finished your food relatively quickly, offering bites to Levi as you went on. He, of course, declined. He was having enough fun watching you enjoy your food in peace. Once you had discarded all the trash, you look over to Levi with a raised eyebrow, as if to say, ‘where to?’

“Let’s go find Hange and Erwin. There’s no telling what those idiots have gotten themselves into.”

For some reason, you decide to helm the expedition again and choose to go through the street full of carnival games. Levi supposes that’s not too far off for his friends knowing who they are as people. However, the more he watches your attention jump from booth to booth, he realizes you were more curious about your surroundings than interested in finding the rest of the group. He didn’t mind if it meant watching your face gawk at everything, though.

Levi is in the middle of staring at some people failing miserably at an airsoft game when he feels your fingers tug at his shirt sleeve to get his attention. He looks over to see you smiling at him excitedly and pointing to a high striker game off to the side.

There are already a few people surrounding it, watching a small woman ready the big hammer in her hands. Her blonde hair is pulled up into clip and a bored expression plasters her face, as if this is nothing for her. She shifts her weight, takes a deep breath, and swings the large hammer over her head and right down onto the lever marked with a red X.

The bell at the top rings out, followed by the loud cheers of the friends around her. She just shrugs and leans the hammer back against the base.

“I told you Bertoldt,” A brown-haired girl wraps her arm around the blonde girl’s shoulders as she smiles widely. “Annie kicks all kinds of ass. Bet you couldn’t even get it halfway.” She taunts. The tall brunette man next to them sighs.

“I’m not doing it, Hitch.”

“Is it because you’re scared of looking like a fool?” The woman named Hitch shoots him a smirk, leaning against the blonde.

“Excuse me miss, what kind of pr-“

“I’m good.”  Annie cuts the vendor off and starts off in the opposite direction and says as she walks, “I did the thing, now let’s go find Reiner. I’m sure he’s tired of babysitting all of those kids.” The other two bicker behind her as they follow.

Levi feels his shirt being tugged again, this time in the direction of the game. You don’t stop until you’re right in front of the stand, letting go of Levi and reaching into your purse for a couple dollars.

“Giving it a try?” Levi asks. After handing the vendor a few dollars, you turn around to Levi and smile.

‘Obviously.’ You reach over to grab the hammer. Levi’s concern only bubbles up for a moment after watching you struggle to bring it over your shoulder. It dissipates as quickly as he sees the look of determination wash over your face. Your constant tenacity continues to surprise him, though he knows it shouldn’t. This is just who you are.

He watches as you take a stance like the girl that was here before, legs wide and shoulders rolled back. Taking a deep breath, you swing from behind and the hammer arcs over your head before smashing down with a heavy slam. There's a tongue-click of disappointment as the puck rises just right below the bell. When you turn to face Levi, he sees your cheeks puffed out.

“If your goal wasn’t to hit the bell, that was pretty good.” Levi muses. He’s met with a glare and pout. He raises his hands in feign defense and asks, “Do you want some help?”

‘Don’t even think about it. I can do better.’ Levi huffs in amusement and nods. It’s that damned tenacity again. Without saying another word, he reaches into his wallet and digs out a few more dollars before handing it off to the vendor. You offer him a wide smile and turn back around to the game.

You take a moment to steady yourself, squeezing the handle with both hands as you stare at the cherry red bell at the top of the 6-foot tower. Again, you widen your stance, roll your shoulders back. Deep breath, a swing, and a hit. The area rings out with a loud metallic clang as the puck hits the bell dead on.

In an instant, the hammer is on the ground and your arms are wrapping around Levi in a tight hug. It’s brief but Levi sighs in the scent of your delicious shampoo and revels in the feeling of your body against his. When you pull away, your eyes are as wide as your smile.

 ‘Did you see that?! I did it!’ Your body is practically vibrating in excitement at your achievement.

“Good job, I knew you could.” Levi rolls his eyes again, only to keep himself from staring at the way your lips pull back into that beautiful smile of yours.  

“Nicely done, miss!” The vendor smiles brightly over to you. “Go ahead and pick something off the wall!” He flourishes his hand in front of a wall filled with various stuffed animals and multicolored objects. You press your hands against the counter of the booth and lean forward on them as you stare at your options. Glancing over, you purse your lips and stare at Levi.

“What?” Levi raises an eyebrow.

‘Which one do I want?’

“Shouldn’t you know that better than me?”

‘I’m unsure. Will you choose for me?’ You give him a small smile as you sit back on the balls of your feet.

“And why would I do that?” Levi crosses his arms and stares at you, eyebrows knit.

‘Technically, you paid for the winning hit.’ You shrug your shoulders.

“It’s not my prize, though.” He grumbles, rolling his eyes. You’re really good at making him do that.

‘Please, Levi? Pick one for me?’

“Fine, but you can’t be mad at me if you don’t like it.” Levi frowns a bit as he stares up at the wall. There are so many choices, he’s not sure how he could even pick something properly. Until his sights land on something tucked behind another creature that makes him chuckle. Levi looks over to you and says your name.

“Close your eyes.” He orders. A smile trembles on your lips and you pinch them tight as you do as you’re asked.

“That one please, sir.” Levi points over to it. The vendor smiles kindly over to him then reaches up with a claw extender to pull it down. When it’s in Levi’s hands, he squeezes it gently; It’s soft and big enough to be a pillow.

“Okay, you can open them now.”

The look of pure joy that paints your face is something that will stay in Levi’s mind forever. The way your smile lights up every facet, eyes sparkling just as bright.

‘A strawberry!’ A small laugh escapes as you grab it from Levi’s hands and hold it out to inspect it closely. It’s a simple design. Brilliant red pocked with little white spots and topped with green leaves. It was simple, but it already meant more to you than Levi would ever know.

You hold the plush close to your chest and lean over to kiss him on the cheek. Levi blinks hard and stares at you in surprise, reeling at the tingling left behind where you had pressed your lips against his skin. He opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. Levi struggles to process what just happened, but you don’t give him a chance to do so as you hum and turn around on your heels before walking off.

.

You and Levi wander around the miscellaneous stalls selling various trinkets in hopes of finding Erwin and Hange. They were still nowhere to be found, but at least you were having a good time walking about. When it felt like you both had done two rounds around the block, Levi found a table off to the side of the main plaza. The DJ is still in full swing, offering music to the dancing patrons that twirl by.

Half an hour later, leaning against the table propped up on one arm, Levi is tempted to just say ‘fuck it’ and head back to the condo for the night until a young man comes up to where you’re sitting and offers a hand.

“Pardon me, miss. I can’t help but notice you sitting here and would like to offer a dance.” He says in a soft voice.

You look up at him with surprise. For a moment, Levi’s worried you’ll say yes out of sudden pressure, but much to his satisfaction, you shake your head ‘no’ with a polite smile. He would never admit how pleased he was to see the smile fall off the poor man’s face at your denial.

“You’re so beautiful, though. Why don’t you come with me? How can you sit here alone?” His voice drips with desperation.

“She’s not alone.” Levi grumbles over to him, unable to keep the hostility out of his voice.

“And who might you be?” The stranger retracts his hand and stares over at Levi with indignation.

“Her dance partner, so leave.” Your eyes snap over to Levi at that comment. Levi doesn’t give off a single emotion as he stares coldly at the harasser. The man walks off, muttering under his breath about rude tourists.

Suddenly, you’re on your feet and in front of Levi, holding your hand out to him. Levi narrows his eyes to your hand and then to your cheeky smile. You have your stuffed strawberry tucked under the other arm that sits at your side.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

‘I’m asking you to dance, partner.’ You wiggle your fingers at him.

“Tch, like hell.”

‘Then I guess I’ll go find that oth-‘ Levi grabs your hand quickly, his fingers folding over your palm.

“Don’t even think about it.” This makes your shoulders bounce in laughter, and you pull him up as best you can. He stumbles a bit, wincing at his sore leg.

‘Just one dance.’ The music changes to something slow as you say that. The dancing crowd disperses, leaving room for those staying to slow dance.

“Fine.” Levi nods hesitantly.

Oh, how he loved your smiles. The way they brightened everything around you. Levi grabs the strawberry out from under your arm and places it on the table you were both just sitting at. You open your mouth to object, but he cuts you off.

“We’ll stay here. Unfortunately, three do not work well for dancing.” And like that, he pulls you in close. His hand wraps around you and settles on the small of your back where the skin just ends, sending goosebumps down your arms and legs. He takes the hand he is holding and places it behind his neck. You follow with your other arm, properly wrapping both arms around him.

Levi feels heat scorching into his cheeks as you both sway to the jazzy tune that floats through the air. He never saw himself as someone who would dance, especially slowly and even more so in front of the public eye. But here he was, with you in his arms. And he didn’t hate it as much as he thought he would.

He looks down into your eyes as he rocks back and forth with you in place. As always, he’s drawn to the depth of your eyes and the way they shine in the flickering lanterns littering around the decorated space. He still couldn’t understand why you watched him the way you did, but he couldn’t get enough of it.

Someone bumps into your back, pushing you flush up against Levi’s chest as they pass. You hear a soft apology from behind and then they’re gone. When you try to pull away, you’re met with resistance from Levi’s arms as he holds you closer.

“You’re fine.” He mumbles to you.

Levi feels your head lower onto his shoulder, your cheek pressed against the soft cloth, as the two of you continue to rock in place. He holds you close even when the song eventually ends. Before he realizes it, one song had turned to many.   

 .

You were fairly certain that your sister and Erwin weren’t coming back, and you find yourself not really caring that much. The time spent with Levi was more than you could have asked for. But as most things always do, it came to an end. You couldn’t blame Levi for suggesting to head back to the condo, though. With his more than subtle limp and your burning, tired eyes, you both agree quickly to leave the overwhelmingly crowded streets for the solace of a quiet space.

The moment the elevator doors slammed shut, the atmosphere between you and Levi shifts instantly. Thinking back on it, you would say some of it was your fault. The way you eyed Levi as he leaned across to press the code. How now in this enclosed space, his intoxicating scent filled every corner. You were alone with him for once, with no one around to watch. Were the events from tonight fogging your mind?

You grip Levi’s sleeve in tight fingers, and as always, he looks over to you in concern. You only do this to get his attention, though why he always looks at you like something is wrong is beyond you. But maybe he should think that, because there was something terribly wrong.

“Yeah?” He mutters over to you, sharp gray eyes staring into your own.

You can’t hear anything but the pulse pounding in your ears. If you could, you would have heard how your breath hitched and the breathy way Levi said your name. If you were paying attention to anything other than the way his gaze softened, you would have noticed it was you grabbing his shirt collar and pulling him into you. If you had any thoughts past the way his beautifully marred lips looked right now, you would have noticed that your lips were already pressing onto them.

You’ve always been a hopeless romantic. You’ve read all the books, watched all the rom-coms, laughed at the insinuation that there would be sparks or even something burning in your chest when you kiss someone special to you. Nothing prepares you for the way you feel right now.

Fluttering your eyes closed, you melt. You tangle your fingers into his soft t-shirt and hold him close, feeling his body heat emanating through the cloth. Levi’s rough hand cups your jaw and tilts your head, pulling you more into the kiss. There’s a hunger behind his movements and a fleeting thought of him devouring you whole flies through your mind. You wouldn’t mind, not if it was Levi.

His hands find their way down to your hips and squeezes, his fingertips finding purchase and digging into your flesh. Heat flows through your whole body like explosive static. The tip of his tongue teases the entrance of your mouth, as if asking for permission. In an answer to Levi, you moan softly into his mouth. You were unprepared for how touch starved you were, and something tells you Levi could notice. Perhaps he was the same. 

As if struck by lightning, Levi pulls away quickly as he inhales sharply for air. Your chest rises and falls as you do your best to catch your breath as well. He stares at you, eyes wide in shock at what just happened.

Levi says your name again, softly. Perplexed. Confused.

You’re suddenly aware of what you and Levi just did. A dam bursts in you and you can’t placate the emotions you seem to be cycling through right now. You lift a finger up to your bottom lip, still feeling the pressure of his lips on yours. Still tasting Levi on your tongue. Oh god, why did you do that?

Ding!

You press your stuffed plush against your chest and push past him into the condo. You beeline it to your bedroom, closing the door behind you and sliding against it until you are sitting on the floor. Burying your face into the soft fabric of the strawberry, you take a deep breath and try to focus on the emotions at the forefront of your mind.

There’s the obvious giddiness that dances through, then the elation and the excitement. But then comes guilt, fear, and mourning for the friendship you and Levi had up until you ruined it with your own impulsive self. You shouldn’t have kissed him, but you did. And you wanted to. And you liked it. But the hot tears that threatened to overspill from your eyes tells a different story.

Moonlight filters in through the sheer curtains, creating shadows on the floor next to you. You hear a door shut out in the living space, the click reverberating off the empty walls. You tell yourself after three deep breaths to get up and get ready for bed. It takes you more than ten, but eventually you find yourself in pajamas and lying on your side facing away from the windows.

Sleep does not come easily to you. You’re awake when Hange comes stumbling into the bedroom singing a song about bumblebees. You’re awake while pretending to be asleep so you don’t have to answer Hange’s incessant comments and questions as they get ready for bed. And you’re even awake when the walls start lighting up with blue hues from the oncoming sunrise.

☆ Taglist ➼ @averysmolbear @humanitys-strongest-bamf @youre-ackermine @spaghettiyarns @notgoodforlife @roseofdarknessblog @missamity @icansmellsouls @dkbktk420 @romantichomicide95 @janey-stempy @sckerman @secretmoneybearvoid @levisversion @sujiroses @jadam724 @eriellaa @kamyru @elsasarahi @highgoon69

If you'd like to be a part of my taglist to be notified for not only the rest of this fic but for my other writings, please go here!

☾ Previous Chapter: June Part Two

☾ Next Chapter: June Part Four

[circular-bircular]

I hope it's alright to ask a question like this! As a system who hopes to work with children in the future, I'd like to ask if you've found that having childhood trauma affects how you work with kids or how it feels to work with them. We get scared a lot that working with kids might somehow trigger us or make us feel unhappy just because we had a bad childhood, and while I know you and I do not have the same childhood and probably won't have the exact same experiences I think asking someone about this could give us some good insight :) However I know that this could be maybe an uncomfy question? so please don't feel like you're under any obligation to answer!!! I hope you have an amazing day!!!! - Sleepy of @endless-hourglass

I'm so sorry it took me so long to get back to you! I joined a group blog recently and my inbox got absolutely buried!

Childhood trauma has absolutely impacted my ability to teach kids. It's been... so terrifying and so interesting and so useful, being the way I am. I'm actually going to plug this under the cut, because it can be intense, looking into all this, and I'm also about to RAMBLE. Teaching and how trauma impacts people are the two biggest passions of mine to discuss.

Trauma has impacted how I teach massively. I will say, teaching is absolutely my passion, and I adore my job. I'm so happy I get to be there for these kids, that I get to take care of them and help them grow and become better people.

Note: TW for trigger talk, trauma mentions, and mentions of depression, sui, and sh.

It is also hard as shit and I amaze myself each day for being able to handle this garbage.

Teaching in a school is absolutely triggering. You have to deal with ableism constantly, reminders of your past that you'd rather forget about, and kids being kids. Sometimes, it's not even shit you can help. I've had students who share the name of one of my abusers, many times, and just seeing that name was enough to make me dissociate horribly.

... However.

That does not make it inaccessible. It just means you have to adapt.

At work, the majority of staff (and by that I mean, those who speak with me and the relevant administration) know that I have "memory problems" and need "additional reminders." If ever asked, or if I felt the need to share, I've mentioned that I have a "mental disorder that impacts memory acquisition." I've been incredibly upfront about having autism, and I've shared with a handful of teachers that I have "an incredibly severe/what is considered one of the most severe trauma disorders." One teacher knows I have dissociative identity disorder -- she's a bestie of mine.

The reason I shared these things? Accommodations. My work has been incredibly happy to work with me, particularly because it's obvious I'm willing to do what needs to get done to not only appease the standards, but do my best for the students. I take this shit seriously, I get good results, and so they need me to stay. If that means sending a few more reminder emails than is usually expected, all the better.

This, obviously, doesn't cover for everything. I can call my administrator to get 5 minutes out of class because, "I'm triggered right now and need a breather," but that doesn't negate the effects of the trigger on me, and I still need to handle it. So I do. That's the beautiful thing about teaching for me: I can not only learn to handle my shit, but I can teach the kids how to handle theirs.

For instance: The student I had with my abusers name. I saw it and I immediately dissociated pretty harshly. I couldn't handle seeing her name. It hurt too badly and brought out our protector (who, funny enough, hates teaching. He deals with it since we all enjoy it, though).

So, here's what I did: I got good. No, literally. I mean, it would've been horrific for that poor child if I asked her to use a nickname in my class, or if I avoided her name entirely. People deserve to be called by their names. So I worked on overcoming that trigger. I meditated, I spoke with my parts, I spoke with my therapist, and I internalized, processed, and compartmentalized the shit I'd been through.

This doesn't mean the trigger doesn't affect me anymore. It sometimes still does. But I got good enough at taking a breath and saying, "She isn't her, and she will never be here, and it'll be okay" that I can now handle seeing the name on my roster.

This goes for all of my school based triggers. They still affect me -- I'm still healing, after all, and that'll be a lifelong process -- but I don't let them impact my value.

The thing is, even when I was dissociative, I could manage that. I might not be the Best Teacher Ever, I might not do everything correctly, but I do know one thing well: emotional regulation and how to display that.

I have a lot of stress toys in my room, and I let my students use them. I let them know I use them myself. I show the kids how many grades I have at any given moment, to remind them that I am only human and can only do so many at a time. I have a flip-plush octopus that goes from sleepy to angry, and I use that to show the students MY mood -- "No, this doesn't necessarily mean I'm angry, but it does mean I'm having a ROUGH day, and so I want you to know that if I'm snappy or mean, it's because my octopus is flipped and I need to calm down." The kids can see instantly that I"m not at my best, *I* can see I'm not at my best, and by the end of one class period, it usually ends up being flipped back, because (and never let yourself forget this fact)... the kids care.

They care so damn much about you. A lot of them try not to show it, or will actively rail against it, but when you treat them like the people -- not children -- that they are? They will give that back to you. And the thing is, as much as it sucks to admit, these kids are absolutely going through trauma. These are students who have come to me about self harm. About depression. About being a DID system due to child abuse. They are eleven and they write me poetry about death. I've had to mandatory report numerous times, helping a child escape horrific domestic violence because of it.

It's triggering, yes. But I also know what to do. I've studied trauma and I've learned how to regulate myself, because I'm an adult and I can do that. These kids can't. Nobody is there to teach them, because the ones hurting them are the ones who are supposed to be teaching them those regulation skills. it sucks, the world sucks, their parents suck--

But you have the opportunity to make it better.

My trauma is a burden. It hurts and is heavy and I'm tired of carrying it. But I will always value the lessons and the teaching I have wrung from it. I am grateful that I can help traumatized students. I am grateful that my trauma-based learning sessions are boring for me, because I know all of it already. I am grateful that I can provide standard practice suggestions for troubled students, that I can say, "Actually, I've noticed that so and so seems to be triggered by being seated with their back to the door," and see the neurotypical eyes light up in shock at that revelation.

You have the power to be someone so special for these kids: you could be the person who understands them.

That's why I wanted to be a teacher in the first place.

HOOOOOO Boy sorry for the ramble!! I just... I have spent so long hating being disabled. Recently, I've found joy in what I"ve learned, at least. I hope things go well for you, anon. <3

[thatoneterrariaplayers-vault]

Dangerous Moons - Chapter 3 - First day on the job

The soft patter of rain on the metal roof is what wakes me. Evelyn is probably still asleep so I should be quiet. Peace, another thing I took for granted back then, the ability to sit with my own thoughts and just exist without disruption or fear. That peace however is short lived because Evelyn shoves open her front door like it has murdered her family. I honestly thought she was sound asleep. “Rise and shine sleepy! We have a whole day of preparations to get to.” she exclaims.

ll I can manage are the sounds of discontent at the sounds of my now disturbed peace. Old habits die hard, especially the ones involving sleeping and being lazy. “What time is it anyway?” I ask. “Almost time for lunch.” she says. “I’ve been asleep that long huh?” “It honestly looked like you needed it. Anyways you should get yourself ready and I’ll debrief you over some food.” Evelyn lends me a spare jacket and some clothes along side a pair of hefty boots. After the shower I come out and smell eggs and bacon sizzling away on the stove. Sitting down on the couch Evelyn brings out the food and begins to tell me what she has planned,“Simply put, it looks like our time on this planet is done.” “I just got here!” I protest. “So did I! Its in the nature of the job. Back to the plan however. My employer just told me where I can find my target.” she rambles on while biting her food. “Your target is who now exactly?” “Mob boss Daren Galcharon, a local big shot who has ties within syndicate, his gang acting as a police force on this dump of a planet because the actual law enforcement is to lazy and too underpaid to deal with him. This obviously allows him to supersede the actual laws and regulations while the real cops do jack.” she says, “What’s your fighting capacity like anyways?” “Oh, me? I honestly prefer fighting with swords.” “Swords? Among the brilliant weapon choices in these galaxies and you chose the way of the blade!” she protests. “You’re one to talk. Your’e not any better with those archaic pistols you wield.” I protest in return. “Please at least tell me you are good with those rust sticks of yours.” “Rust sticks! I am offended by such, you would never know the time and dedication it takes to not only train but also maintain these master class weapons, without enough training some could become good enough to block bullets even.”,I’m pissed and I’ve just woken up, “I prefer the elegance of my blade better than the barbaric bite of your bullets.” Evelyn casts me a glance that screams, ‘are you out of your mind?’ Evelyn’s facial expressions changes drastically, from her frustration with me to now looking sad and pensive. “Hey, what’s up?” I ask not expecting any solid answer. “Oh nothing, you just remind me of someone I knew.”,she says, ”Anyways, time to get yourself up and out of that bed and get ready, we have some stuff we need to do, before needing to leave.” She hastily gathers herself off the couch, taking the emptied plates of food along with her. “Hey Evelyn, why are you so eager to work with me? A stranger you met in the dark hours of the night.”,I ask. “Well firstly, we all hate Gary. At least I do and therefore the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Secondly. My previous partner was a real damn idiot and got himself killed, while you seem like the adequate replacement, nimble, fast to react to changes. Curious.” “How did he pass?” I feel as though this question might have struck a nerve but I am to curious not to ask. “Tried to double cross me. I showed him though, put two bullets in the dirtbags hands and then one last one with the infamous big one to his ugly head.” she flaunts her draw by spinning a mug from her hip, “But you won’t try to cross me now will you?” “Because the stranger with no family or place to call home will betray their only beacon of hope? Very realistic.” my sarcasm steeps the musty rooms atmosphere. “Anyways, we will have to go out and get some supplies for the ship”

“Well look what we have here?”, the man’s rough voice could be heard from outside on the roof of the warehouse. Peeking through the large skylights up there we could see the interrogation scene. In the centre of the floor is a chair where one poor man is tied onto it a bag over his head. “Let’s show this young man here, what happens when you mess with me.” Evelyn nudges me gently, “The man you saw, he is our target. A powerful close range fighter. Any questions?” “Just one. Why do you not just shoot him from over here with the big gun?”, I ask. “Well you see. It’s super loud. Also the bullets are expensive. I choose to save these for rainy days.”, Evelyn answers. Suddenly our attention is diverted to the sound of Galcharon breaking what might have been that guy’s jaw. “He’s not surviving this is he?”, I ask. “Probably not. I wonder what the poor guy did to deserve this fate.”, Evelyn seems eager to drop in and begin this mission. Time for my first taste of her combat personality. Galcharon’s arms looked like logs with barbells attached to their ends. Both Veins and muscles are displayed in high definition. His fist rained down on the man’s frail body, each hit morphing the shape of it into an unrecognizable lump. Evelyn warns me, “Ready when you are.” “Right. Let’s do this.”

Crashing through the window we ride down with a wave of glass. The initial break announced our arrival as everyone gazed up to our entrance. Ripping the man of the chair Galcharon used him as a shield to block the initial assault of glass, while his two henchmen dashed away from the window. “And who the fuck might you be?” he asks. “Your worst nightmare!” Evelyn taunts. She really does not realize how terrible that line sounded out loud right? Evelyn spins her revolver from her hip sending off a shot. It hits something alright, not our target but the poor sap in the chair. “interesting, very interesting. I never did expect the great Evelyn Deadeye to hunt me down but my goons did mention something about you being close.” he rants on. Evelyn casts me a gaze of confusion and anger. “Hey! Look at me when I talk to you.”, Galcharon demands, he has his gun drawn now, it looks puny in his mammoth hands. “let’s get this done with.”,Evelyn says while cracking her knuckles. My swords have been itching for a fight. Before the confrontation began, Evelyn handed me a semi-automatic pistol capable of supressing a nearby target, she referred to it as a ‘M1911’, not only is it somehow heavier than both my swords combined but it is also about as useful as a dull kitchen knife in terms of efficiency. More harmful to me than my target due to its terrible weight balance and the magazines holding barely any ammunition. It really does not help that Galcharon’s skin may as well be made of thick steel. I imagine the projectiles this thing fires will physically bounce off his reinforced nanite skin. I see her to taking cover nearby, the bosses goons had opened fire down the middle of the warehouse, the wave of pulse-fire would certainly fry anyone caught in its wake. When the gunfire stops Evelyn makes her first move. A quick shot with her weapon taking out one of the unsuspecting gunmen. Before the fools could realise it Evelyn had already changed her shooting angle so that, after the remaining four finished shooting at where she was last she could skilfully take out another two. Watching her work was unlike anything I’ve ever seen, the absolute grace in her movements, the skilful aim of her guns where each shot found its target with deadly precision as she dodged and weaved between bullets and obstacles. Entranced, I barely noticed the six foot tall train of a man Galcharon approach me ready to beat my face and body into a different shape. Bracing, the screech from my blades as the punch pushed my heels into the ground pushing me a distance across the floor. “So, who are you girl? Another one of her toys. Who she will just dispose of when she’s bored or tired of you?”, he asks. His words make me unsteady and he sees that, taking full advantage of my confusion and inaction. “Or, you are someone more special, more valuable than she has realised yet.” he taunts, “No matter you will both be back where you belong in due time.” Then, the world went dark. As I drift once again into unconsciousness.

My head is throbbing in pain as I awake in a strange location. I can feel the whirring of an engine, the steady vibrations can be felt through the floors. Evelyn is sitting on a chair in a corner of the room in total silence. “Look who’s finally awake. That guy really knocked you out cold! You have been out for hours.”, Evelyn says rising out of her chair, she walks over to the bed and sits at the foot of it. “I suppose you and I have many things to talk about now.” her tone is condescending, “Like who you really are, miss violet.” “What’s their to talk about, I got knocked out by the guy.” “That’s not what I want to talk about, it is actually what happened just after you got knocked out. See the boss mentioned something intriguing, so intriguing I had to delay his murder to question him and he revealed to me something shocking to me.” “What is this about Evelyn?” “Who are you really running from?” Evelyn leans closer to me,”And what makes you special that the Syndicate’s bounty on you is larger than any ever seen for some common criminal.”

Evelyn is pacing around the room, “Any answers runaway?” My heart and brain are racing for an answer, any answer. Anything but the truth. “Truth is.” my body freezes at the thought of it. “Truth is what! Knowing your Syndicate property puts so much more at risk! You are currently the galaxies most sought after woman and I’m the one who so happens to be taking care of her. I knew your face looked familiar too I just could not remember from where I saw it from.” I try to muster the courage for words but all that can come out are the silent cries for help. “Look, Violet. I won’t just toss you to the damn dogs like that, It’s beneath me really, but I can’t help but feel betrayed that you would skip out such a huge detail about yourself. I can tell you’ve been through it, especially with that prosthetic arm of yours.” “You don’t have to help me. All I am is trouble for you in reality.” “It’s not about whether or not you are trouble.” Evelyn’s words resonate with something Inside me, “I used to be like you, in parts I still am, my past is filled with troubles too. I’ve faced most of them being out here, the vastness of these stars allow one to really connect with yourself and reflect. That and the countless of bastards I murdered for what they did to me.” “Are you wanted by the Syndicate too?” “No but maybe I’ll tell you that story another time when I’m ready myself to reface those fears.” Evelyn’s words sound almost regretful. Then without warning, she embraced me in a warm hug. It’s a strange feeling, I’ve grown accustomed to being grabbed and tossed around by cold hands. I’m not very proud of what I have done to get here, those I had to kill. I can’t really help myself at this point, holding it in has become a burden and the tears start to fall. “It’s fine to cry now, you’re safe here.” safety, her words pierce the regrets and doubts of my past. Perhaps finally I can start again and figure out what to do with myself. I don’t remember when I drifted to sleep that day but when I did, I felt the warmth and smell of her body.

[eksentrismi]

jekyll in computer au? tell me more please! that sounds interesting!! :D

Here's my older post explaining the AU too! Though sorry in advance, lmao, this post too will get long <3 I love to ramble, lol

But yeah, basically it's a small AU, originally it was kind of a "sequel"/continuation to my modern J&H-story; but then it became its own thing.

Basically yes, J&H story happens and all that, and Jekyll/Hyde then dies. But instead of like the actual "proper" afterlife: his soul is somehow by some mysterious occurrence transferred inside an old 90's/early 2000's CRT computer-monitor, and he can thus control whatever computer or computer accessories are attached to that monitor.

That monitor is his new "body" basically, yet he can't move or touch anything. He does have senses, but only when correct accessories are attached to the computer and thus he can access those accessories. And with accessories, I mean stuff like a microphone, speakers/headphones, webcam etc. Microphone being his ears (hearing), speakers/headphones allowing the user hear what he has to say (speech), and webcam being his eyes (sight), and so on. If there's no microphone or speakers/headphones attached however, he then loses both the ability to hear or speak audibly... but he can still communicate by basically generating his messages on the monitor's screen and the user gets to reply to those with text. He loves floppy disks and CD's etc, those are like little snacks to him (and yes, he can access the files on them, though he can't delete or edit them). Degaussing the CRT monitor also feels like tickling to him and he enjoys it. PS/2 or USB devices can be attached to him and depending on whatever the device is, he can control them.

His speaking voice is basically his regular old voice with an accent and all, but more mechanical as you can probably imagine. Kind of either like those old text-to-speech things from the 80's/90's, or kinda robotic.

However, if you think that he's all fully 100% kind and nice, then lmao, you'd be wrong. He's actually very cranky and most of the time just being annoying, or complaining a bunch. Or judging whatever the user's doing on the computer. He's sarcastic, snarky, smug and arrogant. Though if he really takes a liking to the user or befriends them, that's when he gets kinda softer and can actually be a kind helpful guy. Still able to use his knowledge and all, since his memories are still intact and I mean, he's a doctor despite being stuck inside a computer, lmao. The only thing he can't remember well however, is his own old "human" appearance. He's slowly forgetting his own face and it devastates him quite a lot </3 Anyways, if you're wondering: yes, he can also access the internet however he likes. You can just imagine all the pranks he could pull on the user, if he really dislikes them or just feels like being a jerk, lmao. Even if the computer is left on a sleep mode or in the login screen, he can still use the computer however he likes and then browse the internet even while the user is away. Don't worry though, if he really likes the user, he won't hack their stuff or such. He just minds his own business most of the time anyways. And he doesn't bother the user all of the time too, he does need his naps /j

And Hyde? Well, he's around too, though he appears rather randomly and rarely. Usually whenever Jekyll is feeling really stressed or enraged by anything. And Hyde then is a really nasty terrifying self-destructive glitch/malware/virus, that tends to cause havoc, scream in a distorted glitchy mechanical LOUD voice, and try to break Jekyll/itself. Basically he tries to corrupt nearly everything, because he himself is a corruption. He usually does disappear after some time and Jekyll then has to try fix the possible software-related (= corruptions/glitches in apps, programs etc.) damages etc, usually succeeding in it. Though if there's any hardware-failures, like fried or broken components in the computer; the user must fix those.

Jekyll is kind of "immortal" however, as if the computer is turned off or suffers a sudden power outage; it doesn't affect Jekyll really, since his soul is permanently stuck inside the CRT monitor itself, and not the computer exactly even if he can control it. If the power's off the computer, he's still there but just can't do much, y'know. If one were to destroy the monitor itself however..... well. That's a different story, lol, Jekyll would then have a very bad time.

[divine-misfortune]

This is your excuse, please bestow the gaming thoughts

So since my initial post turned into me writing raindrop being stupid and soft, I'm going to be dropping my more rambly thoughts relating to elden ring in particular here. This is gonna be long, probably-

I think class wise, Rain started off as a warrior - a dexterity based dual wielding class.

I think he ended up getting pretty fond of the twin blades and dropped the dual scimitar in favor of the twin. He strikes me as the type of person to insist that bleed builds are overpowered, yet still use bleed builds because if it works, it works.

Dew laughed at him when he entered the open world and instantly got called maidenless, Rain elbowed him for that one.

Rain also stupidly fell into the trap of the Tree Sentinel, a large man on a horse patrolling the starting path to the first church. You think you're supposed to fight him. You are not. He will rock your shit. Rain got his shit rocked.

Also if you've never experienced it, please know that if you do trigger the sentinel, the music goes from this to this very suddenly and the first time it happens it is an actual Heart Attack seeing this fucker running at you.

Rain's favorite area of the game was Liurnia of the Lakes for obvious reasons.

Like, c'mon look at that! It's a very cool area with a lot of hidden stuff around. He spent so much time exploring all the half sunken buildings and cathedrals.

I think the first time he ran into the crayfish, he thought they were silly and sort of cute but that lasted all of thirty seconds before he got absolutely bodied by three of them at once and lost a hefty amount of runes.

Images taken seconds before disaster:

Now Rain has to kill the damn things out of spite when he sees them. Fuck those guys.

Dew doesn't really follow the lore, and despite Rain explaining to the best of his ability, he still doesn't understand it. But Rain seems happy enough to talk about it, so he'll listen, even if he's confused as all hell.

He DOES however really enjoy the scenery of the game. His favorite area was probably The Eternal City of Nokron.

A place underground with an artificial night sky. Rain idled in this area a lot, just because Dew wanted to look at it a little longer.

The boss fight that Rain had the worst time with was absolutely Mohg Lord of Blood. He got so fucking mad in the second phase where your health is suddenly drained and the boss regains his.

The first time he was fighting him, and that happened, he audibly gasped in offense and yelled "you cheating bitch-".

His favorite fight was probably Rykard Lord of Blasphemy. It's sort of like the games gimmick fight? You get a cool spear out of it.

Also that's a fucked up looking snake.

Both of them mutually agreed Ranni was their favorite NPC.

Dew's first take on her was "she's blue like you-" and Rain couldn't help but laugh at that. It was a little silly, but endearing. It led to Dew adopting the pet name doll, which makes Rain roll his eyes but he's still grinning.

Dew tends to leave the game alone because these types of things are hard but there was one time Rain left to go to the bathroom and Dew got really curious and picked up the controller. Five minutes. Five minutes alone and he accidentally managed to summon a dragon.

You cannot pause these games either. Oh he mega fucked up-

[tealeavesandthorns]

OOC Post | How the 'tism affects my rping!

// I wanted to create this post to try and help people understand how autism and to an extent adhd can affect my RPing abilities.

In the past both of these things have negatively affected my ability (though to be fair I wasn't aware that either of those were problems I suffered with).

To be entirely honest, I'm still figuring out a lot about autism, about the way it affects my brain, about how it's both hurt and helped me in the past. I suppose the biggest thing I'm asking for is patience and mostly direct speech.

This post got long and a bit rambly. So the long and short of it is:

I sometimes struggle in group settings, especially where the focus becomes on the personal rather than a specific subject

I sometimes struggle with communication, including setting boundaries.

Due to masking I sometimes struggle with setting boundaries

I sometimes struggle (not autism this one but anxiety), with expectations I perceive people to have built up around me, especially when I am having a hard time.

Under the read more though there is a rambly post about struggling with rping and realisations I've had.... for those who want to read or are interested. If you have any questions too please feel free to message me.

Communication and masking are the biggest two things I have seen affect my roleplaying in the past, hence focusing on these.

Like many autistic people though I have things that run alongside my autism - anxiety, OCD, occasional depression and there's a high probability of ADHD. Whilst these have also contributed to certain breakdowns over the years I feel like the autism has been the biggest cause and now understanding it, I think, will stopped me getting burned out as easily.

COMMUNICATION & MASKING

Roleplaying is a communicative hobby - I know this, you know this. RPing requires communicating and building intricate relationships for characters with worlds and partners.

Where I struggle is when the focus switches from story to personal lives. I'm going to be direct here because it's the only way I know how to say this; I have loved every organic friendship that has come about because of tumblr and the tumblr roleplay community. However because of masking I have often put too high demands on myself or cultivated relationships where I feel I need to be available at all times. I have quickly burnt out. Because I didn't understand why I was so frustrated and upset with those relationships when they have broken down. I have disappeared or ended up alone.

I'm not just blaming my autism here, I hope that comes across. I take full responsibility for those breakdowns but the fact is I didn't understand what was happening to me.

Due to masking all my life I was unable to set proper boundaries and I began to struggle when people were talking to me about personal problems more than we were ever writing or talking about writing.

That probably sounds harsh. Writing is my special interest though and in some ways I guess it could be considered a stim. I love writing, it's all I want to do and plotting and talking about characters and headcanons and meta brought me so much joy.

I really struggled too because I felt like I wasn't being fair to people who were actively, clearly, trying to befriend me. I struggled in group settings when people tried to organize socials and even more so when there were chaotic games of cards against humanity.

Part of it was me not wanting to miss out and I absolutely could not keep up with a shedule of nights being up til 4am and then back awake for my job.

And this is where the potential ADHD comes in because inspite of all those things I LOVE a million threads, I love a million threads with different partners and with one partner. I love a million universes, I love building little universes in our corners of the internet. I love making friends and talking to people and my god if I like your character and you I will go to the ends of the earth for you. I'll help you and love on you and suggest a million threads.

That's intense right?

But see the problem is I then can't keep up that level on intensity and I burn out.

I also struggle with a strong sense of justice. I never thought I would say those words but it is now becoming abundantly clear to me that my strong sense of justice, that moral compass inside me has bitten me on the ass a few times for things that were relatively minor and that normal people can brush off.

Like I said I'm still figuring out a lot about my autism and how it impacts me in all areas of my life. Rp and writing is one of those areas I need to tease apart. It's not been as easy, as say, understanding how it effects my senses.

[secrets-and-shadow]

This is the project I alluded to two days ago, and one of two GW2 projects I hinted at way back in January when I started this tumblr! Thanks so much to everyone who has expressed interest so far, it's really encouraging and makes me want to make the comic the best it can be!

As this is my side-tumblr, I'll write a few additional thoughts here. :) I chat mainly about what spurred the project, and some notes about headcanons.

It's quite long and rambly, so feel free to skip the below if you dislike walls of text/longform thoughts:

Initial thoughts

I've really wanted to do this project for a while, and I've had percolations of the idea as far back as 2017. I wasn't decided on which form it should take, if I did decide to attempt it - fanfic, themed illustrations, or even a comic?

I did illustrations loosely based off the idea here and there since then, but in terms of a cohesive, overarching project, it felt too daunting and I didn't feel skilled enough, in either my writing or comic-drawing abilities.

Which honestly still applies now, haha - however, I think the comic is turning out better now than if I had started it in 2017. But I do want to manage expectations, as one of the reasons I didn't start until now is I find comic-making intimidating. I've always had great admiration for comic artists, and I never thought I had the skill nor discipline to ever make one myself.

A note on headcanons

I also realize that given the time that's passed since HoT's conclusion, there are many different headcanons you might have for these characters. Ones which are likewise meaningful to you. I love this variety which only fandom can cultivate, and always love seeing everyone's personal interpretations of these characters!

I want to softly note that this comic represents only my personal interpretations/headcanons of these characters, and in no way invalidates anyone else's interpretations or headcanons of them. This comic's story is not canon by any means - it's purely a "fan comic" or "doujinshi" in every sense of those words. I'm just one random fan drawing what I think would be cool to see.

I love seeing multiple versions of how these characters "might have been" or "could have been" - my version is only adding another possibility for how their story could have gone, or maybe the characters in an alternate time.

If your headcanon for these characters differs from mine, please know that is not only okay, but something to celebrate! The more versions we create and celebrate of these characters, the more we keep them alive in our collective hearts. :)

I will probably mention this again over the course of the project (and in an easier way to communicate than a wall of text) - I don't want to unintentionally step on anyone's toes. I want to encourage everyone's unique headcanons of these characters.

Origins of this project

This comic is a bit of a "practice project" for me, as I am inexperienced when it comes to comics. It's been incredibly satisfying to finally work on it! (Not to mention, a huge source of stress relief given the events over the past week.) It will be around 30 pages long, which as of today, are all either thumbnailed or in various stages of WIP.

Whether I have the skill or discipline to make a good comic is up for debate (haha), but the more time passed, the more I couldn't get these characters out of my head. I don't know what it is, other than a credit to the original writers who created these endearing characters who refused to leave my mind, despite however many years have passed.

Ironically, the original idea for this did start as a fanfic - a very loose one, and one I have never shown anyone or posted anywhere (I would be far too embarrassed). It only involved the very beginning of the story, and for some reason, it gave me the idea for how it might look as a comic. Somehow, these became "The Harbinger's Path" (which was originally called "Mordremoth's Champion," before deciding to rename it).

Thanks for reading!

Anyway, if you've somehow made it through my meandering rambling, thanks for reading! I find it quite difficult to share projects personal to me online now (surely some psychological barrier I need to chisel away at), which is one reason why I'm trying out writing more of my thoughts here like this.

And, of course, if anyone has any questions about the project or is curious about anything, I always welcome you to ask or share your own thoughts!

I'm very excited to announce The Harbinger's Path, a Trahearne and Malyck Guild Wars 2 fan comic!

I've made a little preview page with more info coming soon! The address is in the last image above.

The Harbinger’s Path is a completely fan-made project, unofficial, and not affiliated with ArenaNet – it’s a small passion-project I’ve decided to do while not part of the Creative Partnership, as I felt more comfortable working on something more personal to me on my own.

Especially as I’m not sure how much interest there might be in this project beyond my own specific tastes - though of course, I hope someone else might also enjoy it, too. ;)

Also, I've seen the recent tumblr posts - I'm hopeful this site will keep on kicking, but just in case: I plan to post updates to bsky, and I even learned how to add an RSS feed for the website :O The link is on the preview page!

(If I had known how easy it was to create your own RSS feed, I would have done so years ago!)

[reidyoulikeabook]

B is for Blindfolds

Summary: The BAU Christmas party is held at the office. Penelope is full of terrible ideas, but somehow Emily’s are worse.

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol and drunkenness, use of a blindfold (for a fun game, not anything sexy here), pining, idiots who don’t realise their love is reciprocated as HELL (they will, but not quite yet).

Word count: 3k

A/N: okay so i really had fun writing this one!!! i have a solid solid direction of where this is headed now and i’m EXCITED about it! as always, please let me know what you think :) this is technically Wednesday’s update, and there’ll be another on Friday!

This is the second chapter of the A-Z of Spencer Reid series, but can be read as a stand alone.

The team, yourself included, are more than ready to let off a little steam. There was no point trying to book anywhere in advance, not with the sporadic nature of festive serial killers, so you’d taken over the office. Penelope had, in eager anticipation of your return, decked it out like a winter wonderland.

“Seriously, it looks like someone robbed a grotto,” Emily had joked.

She wasn’t wrong. A seven-foot Christmas tree, God knows how she’d smuggled that into the building, obscured the hallway outside Hotch’s office. It was dripping in tinsel, baubles, you name it. It even had a nutcrucker man. Mistletoe was hung, obviously in a way she believed to be covert, and maybe it would have been if you weren’t all deeply familiar with the antics of Penelope I-Love-The-Holidays Garcia. You’re all careful to sidestep it as you walk in, knowing she’s a stickler for the rules. All equally reluctant to invoke her wrath before a glass of eggnog or two.

On the table, there’s a selection of alcohol laid out. Alongside a bunch of pink glittery cups.

“I got everything!” Penelope chirps.

“I can see that baby girl,” Morgan chimes in, greeting her with a hug.

She really has: there’s juice, fruit, almost every liquor you can think of (including the fancy whiskey that Rossi and Hotch like to get out at dinner), wine of varying colours, and what looks to be some fancy fruit cider. From the spread, and the mischevious twinkle in her eye, you’re sure she won’t be letting you escape unscathed.

At that thought, you can’t help but steal a glance to your right.

Spencer. The man is stood next to you with folded arms, surveying the options in a way that almost looks pensive.

Got to behave myself

I will behave myself

Will he be drinking?

That question is answered when he takes a step towards the table, stepping behind it. He picks up a plastic cup and, playing bartender, asks.

“So, what can I get you?”

***

“Mixology is pretty much the same as any other kind of chemistry,” Spencer explains, gesturing with the hand that’s holding his cup and swilling the liquid, “It’s about balancing the right components to get the combination you want. A lot of the recipes call for more alcohol than is strictly necessary for the flavour they provide. Usually the other elements of the drink are designed to bring out the flavour or mask it, depending on what alcohol you’re using. Almost always you want to mask the taste of vodka, but tequila you try to balance it out.”

Spencer is leant on the desk next to you, rambling, having been allowed to be in charge of making everybody’s drinks over the past couple of hours.

Sipping the concoction he’s made you, you have to admit he’s done a pretty good job.

He clearly agrees, since he’s consumed more than a couple himself. He’s just tipsy enough to push at the boundaries of affection, his shoulder pressing against yours, his happy eyes a little glassy. You listen, hanging on every word he says, watching him lick his lips before he continues speaking again.

“That’s why they serve tequila shots with lime and salt.”

“And here I was thinking they were just making it fun for body shots,” Emily cuts in, making Morgan and Penelope laugh.

You see the look on Penelope’s face and intercept her before she can start, “Don’t even think about it.”

“But!”

“No!” You shake your head, “You really think Hotch is going to go for body shots?”

Hotch laughs dryly, taking a sip of the whiskey he’s been nursing, “That’s one I think I’ll refrain from participating in.”

“Fine,” Penelope pouts, “But everybody’s doing pin the tail on the donkey!”

“Pin the tail on the donkey? What are we, 5 years old?” Emily laughs.

You lean in against Spencer, who has been quietly surveying the last few moments. Your fingers slip slightly beneath his buttoned sleeves, coming to rest on his forearm.

“Balance,” You whisper quietly.

He nods, shifting to allow you to lean more closely into him on the desk.

It’s hard not to get distracted by your proximity to him.

It’s only because you’re drunk.

Maybe. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel good. If you squinted, you might just look like a couple. That’s certainly what it looks like to Dave, who gives you a cursory once over before training his gaze elsewhere. Your heads are almost touching, Spencer is slouching but keeps his neck just stiff enough to avoid resting atop of yours. You’re casually against his body, the two of you strewn across the desk. It looks comfortable, familiar.

It feels comfortable, familiar.

It’s only because you’re drunk.

***

After a singular round of pin the tail on the donkey, during which a blindfolded Emily decided to go rogue and try to pin the tail on the moving-very-quickly-out-of-dodge Hotch, it’s decided the blindfolds will be used for a different purpose.

Trust falls.

Well, not so much trust falls, as you’re each blindfolded and tasked with the challenge of walking across the bullpen without falling. 

“We’ll pair up!” Penelope announces, rubbing her hands together with glee, “Hotch you’re with Rossi, Emily you’re with me, Derek you’re with ____, and Spencer you’re with J.J!”

Oh

You will away the tinge of disappointment that flares in your chest at not having been paired with Spencer. Although, when you look up at him, you swear you can see a similar feeling sitting behind his eyes.

Probably reading too much into it

“Reid has an unfair advantage,” J.J argues, interrupting your thoughts.

“How do I have an unfair advantage?” Spencer asks.

“Eidetic memory,” She replies.

There are murmers of dissent, then Rossi pipes up.

“If you can’t make it across the bullpen you walk everyday without falling, I think you seriously need to consider whether you should be out in the field with a gun.”

Everybody laughs. They laugh more, though, when Rossi falls on his first attempt, crashing into Hotch. The two decide to resign from the game after that. Hotch plays the health and safety card, but privately you think it’s the double whiskeys that have betrayed him.

“You think you can do it?” You ask Spencer.

He smirks, “I could do it in my sleep.”

You shake your head, “Your legs are too long. You’re like Bambi at the best of times, let alone three mai tais in.”

“Two,” He objects, you quirk a brow and he relents, “Fine, three. And a whiskey Rossi gave me which was awful. I drank it fast and then he told me that one glass I’d had would cost $40. Who would pay $40 to drink that voluntarily?”

“Rossi, Hotch, Emily,” You smile, nudging him with your elbow, “And don’t think you’ve distracted me Spence, I’m still betting you fall.”

“You’re betting?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re that confident in my ability to mess up,” He teases.

“Something like that.”

He grins, “You’ll see.”

He takes the blindfold when it’s his turn, smirking at you as he adjusts it onto his face. It’s with a great degree of annoyance that you watch him clear the bullpen in five easy, and somehow very elegant, steps.

“Go Spence!” J.J cheers, her previous displeasure completely forgotten.

“Pretty boy!” Morgan cheers.

Without taking the blindfold off, Spencer tilts his head to exactly where you’re standing, smirking, “You wanna go next, ____?”

It’s hard not to visibly react to what his cockiness does to you.

You swallow, “Fine. Give it here.”

***

You move your feet confidently one in front of the other. After almost a year of walking the bullpen, you’re pretty certain you can get across it unscathed. You even remember to swing your hip to the right to miss the Santa gnome gone fishing currently hanging off Derek’s desk. In doing so, however, you manage to get yourself all caught up.

With a single step, you feel yourself slipping, arms flailing and managing to catch on to absolutely nothing. You panic.

"Spencer!"

"Spencer?!"

Spencer.

You recognise the feeling of his hands steadying you at your waist. He pulls you against his body, tucking your outstretched arm into him to steady you. You vaguely register Derek’s amused chuckle from behind you.

“I got you,” Spencer says, “Stay still, I’ll take the blindfold off.”

His hands gently slide up your cheeks, lifting it with care to avoid yanking on your hair. He pulls it up and away from your head smoothly.

The lights are dizzyingly bright. You blink rapidly, allowing your eyes to adjust on the face of the slightly concerned, slightly amused looking Spencer hovering above you. His left hand lingering against your cheek. You forget yourself entirely, lost in the intimacy of his touch, barely daring to blink in case it’s gone.

“Mistletoe!” Penelope cackles with glee, breaking your reverie.

“What?” You ask.

Spencer looks up. You follow his gaze, seeing the strategically placed mistletoe. In guiding you to safety, Spencer had walked right into Penelope’s trap.

Oh.

Derek teases something, underscored by a quip from Emily that has them both in hysterics. Neither you or Spencer are really listening.

He’s already so close to you. The pressure of his hand on your cheek starting to make you flush with warmth. His thumb strokes downwards, over your cheekbone. You tilt yourself a little towards him. Trying desperately to act casual, but ultimately failing miserably. His breath fans over your face, smelling faintly of rum and lime.

“Not like this,” He whispers, so quiet that only you can possibly hear him.

He presses a kiss to your cheek instead.

Fuck.

“Very exciting stuff guys,” Emily chirps.

Vaguely, you’re aware of J.J admonishing her, Rossi’s eyes studying you, Derek’s laughter, Penelope’s squeal of delight that someone had finally fallen into her trap.

Your heart thumps in your chest, and you wonder if it’s loud enough for Spencer to hear. From the way he swallows thickly, stepping back with a degree of caution and a look of a deer caught in the headlines, you think it probably was.

Fuck.

What did he mean not like this?

***

After the mistletoe debaccle, the party starts to die down a little. Hotch makes an excuse to leave, shortly followed by Rossi.

You stick around for a little while longer, devoting most of your time to the decidedly tipsy Penelope who’s hanging off Derek’s arm. The mood is nice, actually, a welcome change from the tense atmosphere that often clouds the bullpen, and its occupants wherever in the US they may be.

It’s a little after 1am when you decide to make your exit.

“Do you want to share an Uber?” You ask Spencer, gripping onto his elbow as he walks past.

“Yeah! I was planning on taking the metro but you’ll be safer in an Uber.”

“Are you...sharing it with me?” You ask, feeling a little awkward at having to repeat the request for clarification. The tipsiness you’d initially felt has started to wear off; it leaves both tiredness and an odd shyness in its place.

“Oh no! Of course!” He smiles, grabbing his satchel from where it’s slung over the back of his chair, “We’ll get them to drop you off first, then me.”

***

The wait for the Uber is silent, but not uncomfortable. You loll against Spencer, comfortable in the quiet. The only sounds to be heard of keys as various other agents leave the building. It’s easy to tell which are coming from the grind of the paperwork and which are coming from their own parties. You’d like to attribute it to a years worth of profiling experience but the tinsel around Jerry from White Collar Crimes’ neck is a tad on the nose.

You don’t speak until it arrives, climbing in and closing the door. Clicking your seatbelt into place.

“Sorry about embarassing us before,” You say, purposely being ambiguous.

He squints at you for a moment before opening his mouth, “You mean calling for me when you fell?”

“Yeah,” You say,

“You didn’t embarass me,” He says, quiet, “It was nice actually. Nobody’s ever called for me when they’ve been in trouble before.”

“What do you mean?”

“I uh, I guess I’m not the most athletic. People usually go to Morgan if they need some kind of physical help. It was nice. That you wanted me. Even if you are drunk.”

“I’d have asked for you sober,” You admit.

He squints in response, and you continue, “I trust you Spence. I trust you to always have my back in the field, to protect me. I’d trust you with my life. I mean, of course I’d trust any one of the others, the team wouldn’t work otherwise. But,” You trail off, a little embarassed.

“But it’s different.”

“Yeah. Like you’re the person I’m closest to I guess. In the almost year I’ve been here, we’ve worked together the most. I think I have the best working relationship with you. If ever there was a crisis, I’d want you. Even if the crisis is me tripping on my own shoelaces while blindfolded.”

You both laugh at that. It’d be easy to succumb to a comfortable silence again, let the moment fizzle out.

“I think the same about you,” He says, his voice cracks a little with the sincerity, “Whenever anything goes wrong. You’re the person I want to talk to.”

You move your hand forward to close the gap between you two, taking his hand in yours and squeezing it, “I’m really glad we have each other Spence.”

“Even when I beat you?” The playful glint in his eye is back.

“Even when you beat me.”

“If I remember correctly, and I usually do, you actually owe me for losing the bet.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, you said ‘I’m still betting you fail.’“

You smile, “We never agreed what we were betting.”

“We didn’t.”

"So what do you want as your prize then, Rudolph?”

“Rudolph?” He laughs a little, incredulously.

“Well I called you Bambi before and obviously you’ve proved you’re more talented, I needed to pick a respectably agile deer.”

“Rudolph was known for his nose, not his agility.”

“The song says he guided the sleigh Spence, he couldn’t have done that if he wasn’t agile.”

He shakes his head at you, “He was just in charge of the lights.”

“Did they or did they not get around the world safely?”

“The song never clarifies that.”

“It’d be a little dark for them to kill off Rudolph.”

“Probably why they didn’t include it in the song.”

You huff out a laugh, rolling your eyes, “Well anytime you decide to stop nitpicking my compliments and decide what you want as your prize is fine by me, honestly.”

He smiles, obviously having decided to answer you sincerely. You study him as he, presumably weighs up his options, his teeth momentarily catching his plush lower lip. You swear you see his eyes flicker to your mouth. But then you blink, and he’s studying you thoughtfully.

Just wishful thinking

"Caramel,” He settles on.

"Caramel?”

“Last year I went to this coffee shop and I got their festive caramel coffee. It was amazing. But they only did it that one year, they gave me the recipe for the syrup but...” He trails off, looking embarassed, and when he speaks again his voice is quieter, “I kept burning it. I had a thermometer but I couldn’t get the temperature quite right.”

"You want me to make you caramel syrup for coffee? Mixologist skills don’t extend quite that far?”

He doesn’t say anything, instead pressing his lips together in a thin line. Almost as if he’s worried for your reaction.

You're quick to follow yourself up, “Well I’d be happy to give it a try, but I think I’ll need somebody to taste test it. Make sure I’m getting it right.”

He grins, “I’m probably a better taste taster than maker.”

“Well, we’re off for a few days, assuming we don’t get any cases. You’re at Ethan’s for Christmas, right? When are you back?”

“The 27th. But I’m going to visit my mom over new years, so I’m leaving again on the 30th.”

You nod, “Well, how about the 28th?”

“The 28th sounds good.”

It’s impossibly good (bad) timing that the Uber pulls up outside your building.

“Well I’ll look forward to it,” You say, undoing your seatbelt.

“Me too.”

There’s a silence. Not uncomfortable, but definitely not like the one earlier.  Your eyes linger on one another, almost cautious. There’s a buzz in the air, one that can't quite be attributed to alcohol.

Ask him what he meant by not like this

No

Ask him

“This your place?” The Uber driver asks, clicking his tongue with a degree of impatience.

“Yeah,” You reply, nodding. Reluctantly, you push open the car door, turning your head over your shoulder to look at Spencer as you depart.

His mouth hangs open a little, words seeming to play across his lips. Not making them out of his mouth. The driver clears his throat, and you throw him an apologetic glance. Spencer’s Uber rating will be in the toilet after this.

Good job he takes the Metro.

"Have a good Christmas Spence,” You say, wondering if he can tell. Wondering if he can sense how badly you want to stay, to let this Uber drive you around the backstreets of Virginia. They’re not particularly pretty. But there isn’t much you wouldn’t do just to spend time with him. You’d even allow yourself to promise caramel syrup you know you’ll butcher.

If he knows, the wistful look in his eyes doesn’t betray it.

“Have a good Christmas, _____.”

---

Next part: C is for Caramel

Series tagslist: @altsvu @reidingmelodies @muffin-cup @reidscanehand @bvttercupbby @jessicarabbit09 @lukewearingbeanies @lady-anon-x @aperrywilliams @southsidemistress @a-broken-pact @jjongs-tae-and-biscuits @reidsnose

(message me/reply to this to be added or removed!)

[sugrbugz]

their reaction to you coming out as trans!! : BOKUTO, KENMA, AKAASHI, OIKAWA, TSUKKI, & ASAHI ♥︎

CW: this covers topics such as gender dysphoria, transphobia, and ignorant parents. please be safe my loves!!

transphobes get the fuck outta here right now

also i’m ftm myself so i’m writing from my own experience! if you want a non binary one or even mtf let me know! ♥︎

BOKUTO

would be so very excited to go clothing shopping with you but also giving you all of his hoodies in the mean time-

would love to show you off as his official boyfriend, would fight transphobic people for you

“hey bo, can we talk?” you asked softly, only causing him to open his arms wide from where he was sitting on your bed. you crawled into his lap like you always did, your hands shaking a bit when your wrapped your arms around his neck. “what’s up little owl!” he smiled wide, flashing you that beautiful smile of his. “it’s sorta serious love..” you mumbled making his smile fall only a bit, it falling completely when you started crying. “lovebug? what’s wrong..you can talk to me baby” he soothed making you nod. “i know we’ve talked about your preferences before and i don’t know where i fall but-“ you hiccuped, trying to figure out how to say it. “i’m transgender..i want to be a boy” you sobbed out, ultimately terrified he’d leave even though you knew he wouldn’t. “no..” he started making you cry only harder, not even three seconds later were calloused fingers there to wipe them, “you are a boy..not want, right baby?” he smiled softly, kissing your nose.

KENMA

his emotions would hurt him first only because he wouldn’t fully understand why you’re so upset

best hair stylist in the game!! he’d do your hair so you don’t have to deal with judgemental old ladies and weird barbers.

would 100000000/10 drop anything hes doing to snuggle you since he knows how much of a bitch dysphoria can be

it actually happened by accident. currently you were in the bathroom, shaky hands on a pair of scissors you’d found in the kitchen. it was one of those moments. you weren’t officially out to anybody, not even your boyfriend just simply out of fear of being disliked. however when kenma came to use the bathroom after doing a five hour livestream her heart almost shattered right then and there. you were too into your head to even notice his presence, snapping back to reality when he took the scissors from you. that’s when the tears started. he was quickly to pull you close, kissing your head. “i think i understand..but if i don’t, please explain..” he whispered softly into your ear. “i-i..” you stuttered, you didn’t even know how to say it. “i’ve been dealing with my gender for awhile and came to the conclusion that im a boy..” you sniff, snuggling into his chest since the comfort felt good. “okay baby, you’re still mine okay?” he spoke so soft it was reassuring. “but come to me instead of butchering your hair, you know damn well i could cut it better. dork.” he winked sitting you down to actually cut your hair properly.

AKAASHI

wasn’t totally surprised even though he is oblivious to most things

he would be so sweet about it??????? he wouldn’t even question you???? just accepting right away

after you were ready to come out? god he would be so overbearing with how supportive he was. “hey have you seen my BOYFRIEND?” or “are you doing okay, pretty boy?” he would do it all the time

he already knew. you’d asked him to pack your laptop in your book bag since you guys were going to study at the library. he usually didn’t snoop and honestly minded his business, but when he saw what he thought was a dildo his curiosity was peaked. you had millions of tabs open, all pertaining to the concept of gender identity. his heart softened sadly, upset by the fact you did this all alone. you came up to check what was taking him so long, face dropping when you saw what was open, “i-i promise i can explain-!” you rush forward but he quickly wraps two arms around you, kissing you softly. “shush. you don’t need to explain.” he smiled, “your preferred name and pronouns my darling?” he hummed in addition, grinning from the blush on your cheeks. “uhm..y/n..and he/him..please..” you whisper making him nod, “i’ve got the cutest boyfriend every yanno that?”

OIKAWA

would make fun of you for a bit until he realized this was actually serious

he would also apologize profusely for doing so.

would go out and buy you 67963334 slacks just to see you in them i know it

“tooru i’m serious!” you’d whimper, genuine tears pricking at the corner of your eyes. that’s when he knew he took it too far. “hey..i was just joking around…does me calling you girlie actually make you uncomfortable? why?” he was confused but then again you couldn’t blame them. you’d told iwa you were trans, hoping to get someway to tell oikawa but there wasn’t much acknowledgment of him at all. “yes..it does” you nodded wiping your eyes. “is it because you’re trans?” all the air in your lungs was knocked out of you at this. “how did you..” you’d ask softly, “i dunno! i’m just really good at this!” he giggled before kissing your head and getting off the couch you two were on. “one minute!” he ran upstairs and about five minutes later came back with all his old clothes he outgrew. “here! ‘ma saved them for donating to relatives but your more important” he hummed making you blush, “tooru you don’t-“ “and what’s your pants size?” “uh-i-“ “it’s okay doesn’t matter we’ll get all of them.” “ALL OF WHAT.” and that’s honestly how the rest of your night went.

TSUKKI

he wasn’t totally surprised but then again he knew how your parents were and would understand your hesitation for coming out

it didn’t really phase him at all. have you seen his gender nonconforming best friend? tsukki wouldn’t care unless you were authentically yourself.

would always give you reassurance, no matter how much you needed.

you’d come to your boyfriends house for the third night this week, his mom more than happy to let you stay. “he’s upstairs!” she’d smile from where she was making dinner. you already knew where to find his room, so coming inside and throwing your bags down casually wasn’t an issue at all. “y/n how many times do i have to tell your messy ass that you don’t put bags in the middle of the-“ he spun in his desk chair to look at you, his face falling the second he saw your face go red and tears streaming down your face. tsukki fucking SUCKED with emotions but he wouldn’t be pathetic and not try. “cmere moonie, what’s wrong” he frowned getting up and sitting on the bed, pulling you down with him. “i told them” you stated simply, his own anxiety kicked in. “and?” he asked, already knowing the answer. “they kicked me out.” you nodded towards the fourish bags you had dropped. “well..fuck them. here you’ll be loved and respected. they don’t deserve you. no one does. now, ill ask mom if we can move in the old dresser from akiterus room..you make yourself comfy. change, take of makeup, whatever it is. here? you’re allowed to be who you are.” and with that he was gone. tsukki may look like an asshole but he tries his best not to be for you.

ASAHI

wouldn’t initially get it, but it would take some explaining and he’d be absolutely on board

would probably smoother you in love and affection for being brave enough to tell him how you’ve been feeling

similar to akaashi he’d be quick to correct those who use incorrect pronouns (unless you tell him not too) while expressing love for his boyfriend

dating asahi had plenty of benefits, most importantly his ability to scare those off who were rude to you. you had come out to him a week ago, he needed some help understanding the process but soon he was very on board and understanding. now you two were eating lunch with noya and tanaka, watching a group of girls who ever now and then looked back at you to laugh and point. you’d just gotten your gender affirming hair cut the night before. you began to feel very self conscious about everything, just slowly tucking yourself into asahi who immediately realized something was wrong. “what’s up babe?” he asked watching you nod towards the group. with that he gently passed you over to noya who was very excited for the hugs he was allowed to give his close friend. needless to say asahi scared the living hell out of those girls. when all was said and done, he took you to the boys bathroom and locked the door. he simply hugged you, rubbing your back while you almost immediately cried. “it’s okay bunny..i’m sorry people can’t mind their own business-not that it’s my fault-i dunno why i apologized-sorry-i-“ he took a deep breath but his nervous rambling had made you giggle. “thank you, you giant teddy bear” you smiled leaning up to give him a nice soft kiss.

[a-n-conrad]

Sparring Partners (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

[Summary: Being the newest Avenger was a little rough. You appreciated how helpful most of the other Avengers were with getting you adjusted to life in the tower. However, you got a little too friendly with your new sparring partner. (She/Her Pronouns)

Warnings: SMUT (dirty talk, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, oral sex (female and male receiving), biting, slight hair pulling), not canon compliant (I’m too stressed for real angst), “Avengers Tower” AU, swearing, fairly long

Request: From my Request Form (https://forms.gle/GRTQ1eQt8rk7jJgf6)]

It was an odd adjustment, being the newest member of the Avengers. You really couldn’t complain about living in Avengers Tower. It was a nice facility, with everything you could ever need. The training center was high-tech, the kitchen was always fully stocked, and the infirmary was nice enough that you didn’t mind having to be the group’s healer. But the other Avengers were interesting roommates to adjust to.

Everyone had their own schedule, and it took you a little while to adjust to it. It took you a couple weeks before you stopped bumping into people on their way out of the kitchen. And you eventually realized that unless you wanted to accidentally be caught up in one of Nat’s sparring matches, training in the middle of the day was basically a no go. But eventually you started to get used to it.

You had figured out that if you got up early, the only people you’d run into in the kitchen were Steve and Tony. And you could avoid having to actually talk to them right away if you made them breakfast. Steve usually appreciated something lean and healthy, though you usually added a bit of shredded cheese to the top of his scrambled eggs anyway, because he really needed to stop worrying so much. And Tony would usually be happy with some bacon and coffee. Honestly, it was just good to get him to eat something.

And then, for most of the day, you would work in the lab or the infirmary, occasionally running through a few tests with Bruce. He was one of the few Avengers who didn’t stress you out. You really couldn’t help it. You may get most of your healing ability from your powers, but you still had some medical training. And that meant that you knew full well that every member of this team was a different brand of self-destruction. So you and Bruce were working on a few projects to help the team take at least slightly better care of themselves.

And then you’d train at night. Not many people trained at night. Usually just you, though occasionally someone would wake up in the middle of the night, and need something to do. Nightmares weren’t exactly uncommon among the team. Tony would occasionally be up late, testing out some new gadget of his. Sometimes Nat would go running late at night. However, the most common late-night visitor to the training facility was Bucky Barnes.

You knew that he had some fairly bad nightmares, though he refused to talk to you about it. And you could tell that they had been getting worse lately. He was visiting a lot more often, and getting a lot more aggressive with his training. You could tell that something was wrong, but you knew that Bucky hated when you tried to counsel him. So instead, you had just been monitoring him, watching out for anything more concerning than usual.

- - - - -

“Hey, (Y/N)?” Steve asked you one morning, as he leaned against the counter, waiting for you to finish making breakfast, “Have you noticed something weird with Bucky lately?”

You raised an eyebrow at the question. You were still fairly new to the team, so it was odd for anyone to consider you an expert on any of the team members, let alone someone’s close friend, “Why do you ask? You’re his best friend, you should know if there was something odd going on.”

“Oh, well,” Steve seemed a bit sheepish, “It’s just that you’re like the resident doctor, so I was wondering if he told you anything. He’s just seemed a bit upset lately.”

“Well, first of all, Steve, you know that Bucky refuses to talk to me,” You start, beginning to move the completed food to the plates that you had set out, “And second, even if he did tell me something, you know that I couldn’t tell you about it, in good conscience.”

“So you haven’t noticed anything?” He gave you that stupid golden retriever pout as you handed him his food. You wondered if that was part of why Bucky kept him around when he was just a scrappy kid getting into fights that he couldn’t win. It was just so hard to say no to him when he made that sad, puppy-dog look.

“I mean,” You sighed, “He’s been up a lot, training in the middle of the night recently. So, I wouldn’t say I haven’t noticed anything. I’ve just been minding my own business.”

“And you should keep minding your own business,” Tony spoke up for the first time through a mouthful of bacon, “If he wanted to talk to someone about it, I’m sure he would. You don’t need to pick up on any of Capsicle’s nosiness.”

“Oh, please,” Steve scoffed, “Like you’re one to talk about getting up in everyone’s business, Tony.”

Tony flipped him off, grabbing his coffee and slinking away back to his lab. You weren’t sure if he had slept at all the night prior, but that was decaf coffee, so you were hoping that at the very least he’d sleep during the day. It was the little things that kept these heroes alive.

“Ok, anyway,” Steve drew your attention back, “What has he been doing?”

“Just training, Steve. He’s just been going off on the training dummies. It’s clear that he’s just taking something out on the dummies. He’s got it handled, Steve. He doesn’t need anyone up his ass to try and ‘fix’ him. It’s just gonna piss him off.”

Steve nodded as though he understood, though you could tell by the look in his eyes that the conversation wasn’t really over.

- - - - -

You knew something bad was about to happen when Steve walked into the infirmary, Bucky being dragged along behind him. They didn’t get hurt. And they rarely needed to stop in for check-ups. So you had a feeling that this wasn't going to end well for you.

“What can I help you two gentlemen with today?” You asked, pausing the task that you were originally working on.

“Well, I was just thinking,” Steve started, already giving you his stupid puppy-dog eyes, “You really haven’t gotten a lot of combat training...”

“No, I suppose I haven’t,” you set your face into a neutral expression, getting ready to try and turn down whatever scheme he was trying to pitch to you. You didn’t know Steve that well, but you knew that he had a bad habit of getting into everyone else’s business to try to fix everything.

“Well, I would offer to help, but I know that you prefer to train at night, and I usually train early in the morning,” he was starting to ramble like a nervous teenager, trying to get all of his reasoning before you could say no, “So I thought Bucky could help you.”

You should’ve known. He was trying to get you to help Bucky work through whatever was going on. And he was hoping that you would just go along with it. And you hated that the puppy-dog eyes were working on you again.

“Steve, I’m not going to force Bucky to train me. What do you think about that plan, Bucky?” You asked him, hoping that he would give you the excuse that you needed to say no. He just needed to say no for you, and you would both get out of this.

You saw Steve turn to face him, that look still on his face, and you knew that you were done for. You really should’ve known that Bucky couldn’t say no to Steve either, “Whatever, I suppose our healer shouldn’t get herself killed on missions. Just try to keep up.”

And with that, he turned and left. And you were left behind, not quite knowing how to react.

- - - - -

It was that night that your training started. Bucky walked into the training room about half an hour into your regular training session, giving you just enough time to warm up. The look on his face told you that he wasn’t thrilled about the idea, though you had a feeling that it was for a much different reason that you had.

“Alright, training mat. Now.” He demanded, his tone sharp and gruff. It reminded you a bit of your gym teacher in school. He had never been your biggest fan, for one reason or another.

“Don’t you need to warm up?” You asked a bit timidly, not wanting to upset him any more than he already was.

“No.”

You nodded, following him as he walked over to the area that was designed for sparring. It was padded enough that no one should get hurt in a reasonable fight. The sparring matches around here were rarely reasonable.

You situated yourself in the center of the ring, facing Bucky as he set his stance. He looked so focused, his brow set as he got himself ready. You realized that it had probably been a very long time since he had actually done any formal sparring. At least, without the intention to kill. But something about his face, set into a look that you couldn’t quite read and covered slightly by a bit of hair that was hanging in his face, made your heart skip a beat.

He was an attractive man. You knew that. You had heard from Steve almost constantly about how much of a ladies man Bucky was back in the day. But you hadn’t really gotten a good look at him. He was always looking down. And he had definitely never looked at you with this much focus in his eyes before.

“Hit me,” he commanded, though there was a hint of friendly coaching in his tone. Like he was actually looking forward to training you.

“What?”

“Throw a punch. Hit me. I need to see where you’re at before I can teach you anything.”

You throw a sloppy punch with your right hand. He blocked it without even thinking. You tried again. And then tried a kick. Tried to get a new angle. Tried to sweep his legs out. You had tried everything you could think of, everything you tried being easily blocked or dodged. You were starting to get tired out, and Bucky hadn’t even thrown a punch. You threw another punch, aiming straight for his face, only for him to grab your fist.

Before you knew it, he had pulled you into a chokehold, your back pressed firmly against his chest, and his metal arm wrapped around your neck as his other hand twisted your arm behind you. You could feel him breathing, just as steady as usually, and you had to wonder if he could feel how flustered you were as your body pressed against his. You could tell your heart was picking up, but you hoped that if he could feel it, he’d just attribute it to the training.

“We’ve got a lot of work to do,” He muttered, his mouth so much closer to your ear than you had expected. You could feel your cheeks heating up as his breath made your hair move just a little.

“Y-yeah,” you managed to choke out.

- - - - -

You two had been training like that for weeks, and it was starting to get to you. The close quarters, the skin to skin contact, it was going to kill you. If you wanted to know what a siren would look like to you if they existed, it would be Bucky Barnes, coated in sweat and getting ready to pin you to the training mat. And you were definitely having a hard time staying focused during your training.

It was especially late one night, you were guessing somewhere around 1:30 AM. Your training usually stopped around 12:30-1, but you were running a bit long. You had been especially distracted that night. Bucky had gotten a haircut for the first time in a long time, revealing his bright blue eyes. You could feel them on you as you trained even more than usual. You hadn’t minded his long hair, but when it was out of his face, you could see him much clearer. And that wasn’t always helpful.

There was a predatory glint to them as he got into position to spar, like a wolf stalking its prey. And as he loomed over you, pinning you to the ground after another failed attempt, you couldn’t say you minded feeling like prey.

“Alright,” Bucky groaned, his metal hand still pinning you to the floor, “What the hell is your deal tonight?”

You tried your best to hold your voice steady as he straddled your waist, his legs brushing against your own, “What do you mean?”

“Come on, (Y/n). You’ve been improving a ton lately, I know you can do better than this. So what’s got you all distracted?”

His face was so close to yours. His metal hand was holding both of your arms above your head, and his other was positioned right next to your chest. You could feel his body heat against you, and you were sure that he could feel your face heating up. There was no way he couldn’t figure it out by looking at you at this point. You were trembling, your eyes dilated as they locked onto his eyes. You looked like an absolute mess.

You could tell that he saw it too as his eyes scanned your body. You felt as though time slowed down as you watched his expression change. He raised an eyebrow, making you squirm a bit. Soon enough, though, a smirk spread across his face that reminded you of the stories that Steve told of Bucky from before the war, though the wolf-like glint never left his eyes.

“I see…” He drew out. You didn’t know if it was on purpose, but you saw his tongue dart out and flicker across his lips for just a moment. He leaned down a bit more until his face was next to your own, his lips nearly brushing your ear, “You know, Doll, if you wanted to do something else, you could’ve just asked.”

You swallowed deeply as you felt his warm breath brush against your ear. It sent a shock down your spine. You went to say something, only for the words to get jumbled in your mouth. You felt like a babbling idiot as your breathing refused to steady enough to let you get a single word out. And you felt a cold, empty feeling creep into your chest as he pulled back, leaving you without the extra body heat.

The tension between you was palpable, and you had been awake for long enough that you were starting to lose your impulse control. As Bucky leaned back, letting your arms go and smirking in a way that told you that he was proud of himself for people able to get under your skin so effectively, you couldn’t stop yourself. Before you knew it, you had flipped him onto his back, taking his spot on top.

You had caught him off guard, and the surprised look on his face told you that. But you had to admit he looked just as good down there as he did when he was pinning you down.

“Oh, you’re feisty,” He said, shifting to make himself comfortable, “But what’s your plan, Doll? Go on?”

You knew that he was egging you on, just trying to get you to do something. And it was working. You had been holding back the entire time. And your will was wearing thin.

You pulled him up a bit by the collar of his shirt, meeting him halfway in a passionate kiss. It was sloppy, but you really weren’t going to complain. You didn’t mind the clumsiness to it, especially once he sat up the rest of the way, pulling you even closer to him. Without even realizing it, you had started to grind against him, rolling your hips without meaning to. He groaned into the kiss, his hands gripping your hips to hold you in place as he pulled away.

It was then that you realized exactly what you had been doing. Your face was flushed, your hair was a mess from him running his hand through it, and you could feel the thumb of his metal hand press into the skin of your stomach since your shirt had started to slide up. You looked utterly desperate.

“Doll, are you sure you wanna do this?” You could hear the insecurity seeping into his voice, and you felt the grip of his metal hand loosen as he went to move it away. You knew Bucky was insecure about his past, and that his metal hand was a symbol of that. But at that moment, as you felt his hard-on press against you through your pants, there was absolutely no way you could possibly understand that.

“James Buchanan Barnes, shut the hell up and fuck me,” you demanded, though you left him space to back up if he wanted to. You didn't really want to pressure him into anything, but your brain was foggy.

Luckily for you, he didn’t pull away. Instead, he flipped the two of you over again, pinning you to the mat again. He had the wolf’s glint in his eyes again, and it made you weak. And as he bit into the crook of your neck, soft enough to make sure that he didn’t hurt you, but hard enough to leave a mark, you couldn’t help but let out a moan.

“Shh, (Y/n),” He whispered in your ear, making you rub your thighs together as the frustration and desperation built up between your legs, “We don’t want to wake anyone up.”

You nodded, biting your tongue to stop yourself from making too much noise as Bucky started to slide one of his hands down your body. You could see him admiring you as he pulled your clothing away. He held so much want in his eyes that you couldn’t even imagine feeling insecure under his gaze.

“God, doll, you really are just perfect,” He muttered as he lowered himself, his face nearing your cunt as he pulled your pants and underwear away. He was looking at you like he wanted to eat you alive. And you wanted him to.

You could feel the cool air against your soaking wet pussy as he pulled you into the position he wanted. You could feel his breath and against your pussy, and that in itself was enough to make you hold back a moan. You needed him so desperately. And even as he moved to bury his face in your cunt, you could feel his eyes on you.

One of your hands moved to grip his hair as he started with a broad lick up the length of your core. The other moved to your mouth, hoping to, at the very least, suppress your whimpers. You weren’t even entirely sure what he was doing with his tongue as he went down on you. Your vision started getting soft around the edges as he swirled your clit around with his tongue. You were sure that if you weren’t covering your mouth and biting your tongue, you’d be screaming. You were surprised at how good he was at this, but you definitely weren’t going to complain.

The feeling in your lower gut began to tighten after about ten minutes, and you knew that you were getting close. Bucky could tell too, as your grip on his hair tightened, pushing his face in even more. He was enjoying watching you be so desperate for him. And as he slid his tongue into you and then across your clit one more time, he enjoyed watching you come undone even more.

It took you a few moments to recover from your high. Your chest was heaving, and your skin was glimmering with a thin layer of sweat. You looked like the most perfect mess that Bucky had even seen. He couldn’t help but sit up and admire you. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t been thinking about you in the same way that you were thinking about him. And seeing you there, spread out completely in front of him, was what he was sure heaven would look like if he ever got to go.

After a few minutes, you had finally recovered, and you had decided that Bucky deserved a little bit of care in return. You flipped him back over, again surprising Bucky. He really did look pretty as he laid under you, and as you pulled his shirt off, you had even more to admire.

You could tell that he was a bit insecure, reaching to cover a few of the scars on his chest. But you brushed his hand away, choosing instead to distract him. You kissed slowly down his chest, choosing a few spots to nibble slightly, hoping to leave a few marks for him. As you reached the waistband of his shorts, you felt a hand on your shoulder, signaling for you to pause.

“You really don’t have to do this, (Y/n). I don’t want you to feel pressured or anything,” he said, his blue eyes soft as they looked down at you. Soft, and insecure, and sweet.

“There is nothing that I want to do more right now, but I won’t if you don’t want me to.”

He contemplated for a moment, and you waited, despite wanting so badly to keep going. Before long though, he nodded, giving you the sign to go ahead.

You freed his cock in second, moving quickly out of need. It was nice for both of you to finally have all of your clothes discarded, and he was a sight to see. Bucky Barnes was modeled like a Greek god, and you couldn’t keep your hands off of him.

You tried your best not to rush things, giving his cock a few soft pumps and kitten licks before taking it into your mouth. He was trying not to groan just as hard as you had been as you bobbed your head, sucking desperately. He was big enough that you had a hard time fitting him all the way into your mouth, so you added a hand at the bottom to pump as well.

He started to buck into your mouth as you swirl your tongue around the head of his cock. It was like a work of art to watch him writhe in pleasure as you sucked him deeper and deeper into your mouth, until you were gagging on his cock. His abs were starting to flex a bit on their own, and you could tell that he was getting close. And you pulled away.

“Fuck, that isn’t fair,” he groaned, trying his best to quiet his voice. But he couldn’t complain about the view as you pulled away, a string of saliva running from the tip of his cock to your perfect lips.

“Do something about it then,” you said, feeling bolder than you had expected yourself to be. And he took your invitation to heart.

You had been expecting it, but the feeling of his naked body looming over you, his eyes trained on you as his cock began rubbing against your entrance, was a kind of euphoria that you had never imagined. His lips were on yours in an instant, muffling your moans as he slowly pushed into you, filling you up completely. You couldn’t help yourself as you scratched down his perfect back, leaving large claw marks down the muscles of his back.

You threw your head back as he bottomed out, the tip of his cock already found the spot that made your eyes roll back into your head. It felt as though he was made for you, the way he felt so perfect inside of you.

He started to move slowly, thrusting softly as though he was scared to break you. Even then, he hit all of the right spots, but you needed more. You needed him to take you completely. And so you started to move with him, thrusting your own hips up in time with him, pulling him even deeper into you.

He buried his head in the crook of your neck, “Goddamn, doll, you feel amazing. It’s taking everything in me not to fuck you with everything I’ve got.”

“Do it. Please.”

He looked at you surprised, still not fully believing that this was real, let alone that you were here, begging him to let go and ravish you. He searched your face for any sign of doubt, and found none. You wanted him, and that made him feel more worthy of your attention than he had before.

“Bucky, please, I need you,” you whined, and he felt the walls of your cunt tighten around him. And he couldn’t control himself anymore.

His thrusts were hard enough to actually slide you forward on the mat, causing you to wrap your leg around his waist. You were starting to see stars as he continuously pounded into you, hitting the right spots every single time. You couldn’t keep quiet, fucking him was better than anything you had imagined. And so he moved a hand over your mouth to help keep you quiet.

The two of you were a sweaty mess, completely focused on each other’s bodies. You couldn’t think of a single thing besides Bucky. Bucky and his perfect body, and his cock so deep inside of you that you forgot what it felt like to not have him pounding into you. The rest of the world was more than irrelevant, it was forgotten entirely.

“Fuck, babe, I’m so close,” He groaned into your ear, making your eyes roll back into your head again. You were close too. And as his cock hit deep inside of you again, you felt the coil in your stomach snap.

The walls of your pussy fluttered and flexed around his cock as you came undone again. Velvety, warm, and wet, massaging his cock as you screamed into his hand. He couldn’t hold it back. He buried himself in you one last time, rougher than before even, and sprayed hot ropes of cum inside of you, filling you up even more.

You couldn’t remember your own name when he was done. The world around you felt as though it wasn’t real. Everything felt warm and fuzzy, the only cold coming in as Bucky pulled out of you, leaving you empty and exposed to the air. He collapsed onto the ground next to you, pulling you to his chest. You felt his breath heave in time with your own. It was the first time in a long time that either of you felt at peace.

“Well, doll, we really should get cleaned up and get to bed before anyone else wakes up,” Bucky sighed, his voice a bit gruff and unsteady.

You groaned softly and buried yourself into his chest.

“You can stay the rest of the night in my room if you want. But you definitely need to shower,” He added. And you reluctantly agreed.

(A/N: So, this is my first time writing smut... I honestly... got a little too into the sparring idea. Oops.)