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zirkkun · 4 years ago

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I can't sleep so I'm gonna ramble for a minute here about. uh. 2020 i guess lol everyone else is so might as well jump on the bandwagon.

Be aware this is really really fucking long so it's a commitment to read it lmao sorry i just cannot sleep and i guess i had more on my mind about this year than i thought. I also did not proofread this at all. I just started writing and didn't look back lol

This year was... Weird for me. It started out with me feeling my best in January, comfortable and positive as I did my nth playthrough of DBH with friends and finally having enough alts of my boy Alfonse in FEH to have a team of Just him to fight with. (Priorities, right?) February hit, and things were still going good. I met Ray Chase and had him sign a print I did of Roy and Alfonse in some casual outfits for a scrapped au I wrote years ago. (And I gave him one 😊). Hell, like, covid was just coming around when me and my friends went to the con that weekend and a breakout of it hit the city just south of where the con was like a week before, but I was genuinely so excited for it that like I was like "Yeah, if i die, i die. Whatever happens happens." God, at this point, the Alfonse gc I was in was still alive and I still didn't talk to anyone in the group outside of that gc. Lowkey miss it tbh. But oh well. Things move on.

But that con was like... Stressful. I usually have fair amounts of stress at cons, being around so many people, I fear theft, unwanted contact, y'know, the standard; but my friend group was so filled with tension that it was absolutely painful. We'd been split most of the weekend, and if the two groups came together, it was hell, because it just caused unwanted arguments. I felt really bad cause I didn't want them to be upset, yknow? But i also wanted to hang out with my friends all at once. So i swapped between the groups a bit over the weekend. And blew WAY more money than I should have and lowkey it kind of fucked me over for the rest of the year cause I haven't had a job all year outside of, like, a local church job that pays at a rare max of $100 a month ;w;

I'd been struggling in school the previous semester already, about halfway through having just stopped going to classes altogether, yet still somehow managed to pass everything with B's and A's. The next semester rolled around, and I thought at first the distraction and inability to do anything was because of the con, and as it persisted after, I thought it was just post-con depression. But, as it turned out, no, it's just been my biggest relapse of depression since the end of high school, and frankly, it's only gotten worse since. I can't sleep rn because I'm between not wanting to do anything because I have a lack of emotions and motivation and not feeling deserving of sleep lol. I checked out of school on February 28th, however, I was convinced I was merely demotivated by my surroundings -- at this point, I was studying Japanese, and one of my friends at the time was a (although probably unintentionally) complete braggart about how much he was studying and how he was improving... not to mention he was textbook example of "This is an Actual Weeaboo, don't Fucking Do this." (One of many reasons i said friend at the time lol) it was just... So draining being around him, and I had to see him in class every day of the week. I barely scraped together assignments last-minute and never studied under the idea of "What does it matter if I'm not putting in my 100%?" So I checked out, with plans of transferring for the following semester.

Well, then March hit. Y'all know how March went down lmao.

I pretty much locked myself in my room at all times during March, going between Animal Crossing and BOTW (which actually racked up like 200ish hours i think according to the nintendo year in review i had lmao). I started making a bit closer online friends at this point, notably @levitumbling who decided to take me in as his channel designer for YouTube and I've been ever since! But. Of course. My first task? A Sans meme. My payment? One Switch copy of Undertale because he considered it a disgrace that I'd never played the game before.

Now, let me tell you. I was fuckin scared to play this game. I held onto it for weeks between the fear of "My friend bought me this and i should play this" and "I told myself I'd never touch this game with a 20 mile pole because of how much it's been shoved down my throat over the years." So, one day, I don't remember when, early April, I said, fuck it, I'll play it for a little bit, just enough to say "hey i played it for a bit!" and then never go back.

The only thing that stopped me from beating the whole thing in one sitting was it was the crack of dawn when I passed out, extremely tired and extremely frustrated by the fact I couldn't beat Muffet. Yes, I got that far in one sitting I intended to play for 15 minutes tops.

Now. Let me fuckin tell you. About my first playthrough of Undertale. I haven't gone into a game knowing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it like... I think ever. Usually I know what style of game it is, the genre, the main plot premise. I knew nothing other than the existence of Sans (and, as it turned out, I'd heard some of the soundtrack pieces before, notably Bonetrousle I heard this cover of it in a radio livestream a while back and never really looked it up, but was always excited when the radio looped back around to it being on; and I'd heard Dating Start! because that's Alpharad's go-to sponsorship ost lmao.) But anyway. I was completely in the dark. Do yall mind if i just go through some highlights of my favorite memories? This is supposed to be a summary of the year but I mean, I think this made a big enough impact on me to really like. Discuss it a bit.

I watched the whole opening cutscene, started a new game under my old screenname, "Yoru," since in naming the "Fallen Child," I assumed they were dead. Well, I was a little surprised to just be that child, alive, two seconds later, but whatever, I rolled with it.

I genuinely trusted Flowey right away. Like no shit. He told me run into the "friendliness pellets" and I didn't even fucking question it. And when Toriel came in? And she said to follow her? I straight up was like "Why the hell should I trust you?? That guy just tried to kill me what says you wont?" I followed only because the game made me but i was Wary the whole time. It took me a LONG time to warm up to Toriel.

Now. Let me tell you how stupid I am as well. The game says over and over right, "Don't fight. Spare. Have Mercy when names are Yellow." Well, I took this literally. I didn't understand the Act mechanic most of the time, and when something didn't work I just said, fuck it, and fought them. If their name didn't turn yellow, I just fought them. "They don't want Mercy if their name isn't yellow, right?" After a while, I'd started getting bored of fighting and would just run away, but like, I came to a point where I was like "I have a really low level, I'm really going to regret this later on if I don't grind for a while."

I don't know when I stopped but. I think I was only one or two kills away from a genocide run accidentally my first playthrough, based on how I think I was LV 3 and looking at genocide playthroughs, you're LV 3 or 4 when you fight Toriel. Like. Holy fuck. I can't imagine what I would have thought of this game if that happened lmao.

Speaking of Toriel, still didn't trust her, at all. When we got to Home, and after I did Every Single different phrase she says when you go downstairs before you talk to her reading about snails; I did not Hesitate to ask "cool uh when the fuck can I leave?" When we got to the Ruins exit I was like, ah, here it is. The betrayal from her I was expecting, where she tries to kill me. Well, nothing on the Act menu worked, right? So... I fought and killed her. I didn't really care, actually. I just kept going.

Then meeting Sans and Papyrus happened. I lost my fucking shit at this part, mostly when they were talking, because every time Sans made a pun it would zoom in on him and do a rimshot. The puns were not funny and I was definitely on Pap's side of "oh my GOD shut up." But that fucking zoom in and rimshot was just so fourth wall breaking and unexpected. Fuck, it still gets me. Anyway. Game continues. I again lose my shit at (insane spinning in random directions) "OH MY GOD! IS THAT A HUMAN?" "uh, i think that's a rock." "OH. WAIT! WHAT'S THAT IN FRONT OF THE ROCK?? (IS IT A HUMAN??)" "(yes.)" "OH MY GOD!!!" and still think these two moments in the game are Peak comedy. Oh, and let me tell you, I did not like either of these two at this point. Sans I was like, okay, hes kind of a dumbass in a funny way, but Papyrus is a dumbass in a way that just annoys me. Genuinely the archetype that misses social cues and therefore has miscommunication usually just annoys me to no end. (Mostly for the miscommunication. It's my least favorite trope and makes me unreasonably angry.) But yeah. Wasn't really a fan. But out of everyone so far? Definitely found Sans to be the most tolerable. But that's about all I thought of him lmao.

Getting to Snowdin, with the Papyrus battle, remember how I said I didn't like Papyrus? And yes, this was something I genuinely thought at one point, I genuinely hated Papyrus, imagine that. What a wild world that is. But anyway. You know how his Act menu has the "Flirt" option? I, for no reason, gunned it for the Flirt option, even though I did not want to. Then when he was like "WE'LL GO ON A DATE! LATER!!" i was like yea sure okay lmao. Again, couldn't figure out the Act menu to turn his name yellow, so I fought him, and he was one or two attacks from dying (miraculously) when he ended the battle. I spared him here cause, well, he spared me, it was only fair. Then this guy again is like "ILL BE AT MY HOUSE WHEN YOU WANT TO GO ON THAT DATE!" and i was like haha funny but still turned around to go on the date. Like why? I have no idea. I think I was more like "haha hes probably not gonna be there and its just cause i picked that option and lo and behold there was an actual fucking date. Oh my god. I have never in my life been on a video game date where one party was convinced I was infatuated with them and im here on the other side of the screen like "oh my god make this end i can't stand being around you.???" But still. The date was. Really fucking funny. I wish I could experience it for the first time again like holy shit. There are few playthroughs I did after this where I didn't go on the Pap date, even if I just spedrun through it.

So then you get to Waterfall and Sans is there like "hey wanna go to grillbys" and i was like sure why not so we go there and my choices were fries & ketchup (so i did not get the legendary scene where he chugged a bottle of ketchup, but i sure did my second playthrough, and let me tell you, i was disgusted). But like. This whole experience at grillby's like, the whoopee cushion, him using a comb on his bald ass skull, him just fuckin unapologetically scratching his ass for no reason?? Bro i was like "why the fuck is this guy part of the Tumblr Sexymen™ group ??? He's so ????? Gross???????" and like i still have this question tbh lmao. But like. Okay so he asks you "what do you think of my bro?" And my genuine answer was "uncool" and he was like "hey man sarcasm isnt funny" and can i just mention how like inheritly manipulative sans actually is like fuck he does things like this where he throws your answer the other way a few times and Every time it actually swayed me the other way. Because right here I went. "Oh. Maybe Papyrus is better than I thought." Like holy fuck maybe i should be more aware if something like that can sway my opinion so easily LMAO.

Anyway waterfall i genuinely was very bored of the whole time. I spent like a genuine 20 minutes figuring out the puzzle where you have to talk to a wall and I actually didn't realize you could move the telescope around. What helped me solve it is my friend's advice before I played it. "Inspect everything. Even talk to walls. Trust me." And literally thats how I solved it. But pretty much everything in Waterfall otherwise bored me. I did think it was pretty though, and did enjoy reading the lore, but when it started talking about monster biology my one fear had been realized: oh god, oh fuck. My original species for my own series also has physical Souls and die by turning to dust because they're made entirely of magic. God fuck. My luck, it has to be something popular, so now everyone's gonna think I'm a ripoff. But, at the same time, I do think it helped me understand monster biology (and it helped me come up with the ULR biology) better, because I've put in a lot of thought to existence of a species that exists only by magic and a Soul (which, mine only actually have half a Soul, as a full Soul makes a being immortal, which was also similar to the boss monsters in a way). It definitely made a lot more sense for like, the skeletons n stuff for me, because like my characters are wholly shapeshifters but usually take human form, and while they have "organs" in the places humans would have them, they don't operate. They're just placeholders, because they just live with their Soul. So I've always thought the same with UT monsters, since the skelebros can live without organs, that means so do the rest of the monsters, even if they have animal-like appearances.

Off topic lmao. Back to UT. So, the Undyne fight was kind of the turning point for me. She was pissing me off so much during this whole game and like I was like "if theres another fucking part where I have to run away from her im going to scream." Well, once again, her name wasn't yellow, so I wasn't going to spare her... and, actively, I made the decision to kill her, because I didn't want to deal with her still chasing me later on in the game. It took me a long time to beat her, and when I did, I texted my friend (@cheshiregrinnbuttoneyes ) in excitment like "YES I FINALLY KILLED UNDYNE" and she texted back like "YOU DID WHAT?????" and i was like "i.... Killed Undyne????" she replies, "YOU DONT HAVE TO OMFG WHY" and im like "I DIDN'T HAVE TO?? THERE'S OTHER OPTIONS?????" and shes like "YES OMFG THAT'S LITERALLY THE PREMISE OF THE GAME" and im "WHAT."

So then. I get that call from Papyrus like. "HEY! YOU ME AND UNDYNE SHOULD HANG OUT SOMETIME!"

oh my god the guilt i felt.

alphys on undernet being like "omfg i forgot to watch undyne fight the human. ah ill ask her about it later she never loses <3"

bro. i nearly fuckin cried. i was like. Not to mention I'd gotten the crush question right for Mettaton's quiz in answering Undyne (bc i was like "plz be gay plz be gay") so it fucking cut like a knife what I'd done.

I don't remember when I let myself get passed it. But I do know that the whole story arc between Alphys and Mettaton went way over my head. Like, i know im probs the minority on this, but I adore Alphys, I have since I first met her in game, and like, when Mettaton was like "ALPHYS HAS BEEN LYING TO YOU!" i just went "...nah."

Also, I didnt like mettaton at this point, cause I thought he was being really obnoxious, and then the turn around to betray Alphys really kinda pissed me off.

But like.

Oh my god.

Remember how I said I swapped my opinion on Pap earlier bc of Sans's comment? Yeah that was a pretty fast turnaround, but it still took me a few times.

But the second i saw mettaton ex

I was like

"HIM. HE. HE'S THE ONE I LOVE."

Like, full turnaround from Undyne, I actively refused to kill him. All times I thought he was an asshole? Forgotten. Me thinking he's a selfish prick? Gone. Nada. Nothing. Pure adoration. Suddenly every flaw he had was pushed aside purely from how hot I thought he was. Also, fuckin, im really glad i played this when no one in my house was awake, because I still didn't understand the Act mechanic here, and every time you attack mettaton he has this like moan he does and im like oh my god. stop. omfg.

At the end, too, when there was the calls and everything, when he had his big turnaround, I was just so happy for him I genuinely cried. Also, I had to do his battle probably the most out of everyone's in the game (not including genocide), so when it came around to his battle during the (glitchless) speedruns i did, i was more invested in how fast I could rack up points, cause you need 10k rating points to pass, and I actually did get that before he lost his legs, but apparently he needed to lose those too before you passed lol. Unfortunate.

Anyway after Alphys talked to you and everything, i genuinely went to see if Mettaton was still there, but he wasn't :( so i just went to New Home. I was very ill prepared for the fight against Asgore and the only reason I struggled with it so much was because my only healing items were like. Something that healed like 10 or 12 hp and the snowman piece. I was LV 9 when i finished the game, so like, my HP was pretty high, but i didnt have the G to buy items, so i was pretty much fucked. Yes. I had to eat the snowman to win.

Oh speaking of terrifying shit though. Photoshop flowey? My god. I haven't been afraid of a video game boss so much since I was a little kid. It was like 3 am and i was not prepared for him to just delete my save file and then kill me on repeat, glitching and breaking everything as he pleased. Bruh i was genuinely scared. Like, not even just, "oh yikes :(" or something. Like, crying scared. Lmao im an emotional bitch by nature.

I of course had to restart from the beginning again to get the True Pacifist ending. I was very careful to never touch the Fight button literally ever. And, it actually took me a while to reset, because I hate erasing my original save files, yknow? But, well, as it turned out? While technically New Game+ by naming, resetting doesn't erase everything you did. It wasn't a new file. I was a little confused at first to be honest. Toriel saying things were familiar, remembering things I said, Papyrus and Undyne both recognizing me, like. It was unnerving.

When I got to the end, i had to look up how to get Alphys's date (since my friend told me the way to unlock TP was to go on all the dates, but Alphys's was definitely designed in mind of you turning around from New Home and going back to talk to people rather than a new reset. So after unlocking it, getting through Alphys's date (i still remember being like, verbally, "omg alphys you look so nice??" When she came out with the dress on and then had a thought to myself like... since when do i care about what people look like? since when do i compliment people? At that point, while I didn't consider myself to be a rude person, I definitely wasn't exactly all that concerned about others for anything. Sure, I cared about others' lives, but I tended to be a bit more judgemental internally, and just. Didn't really give a fuck about what people did in the most negative sense possible, unless it involved me. Yet, it rolled off my tongue like it was something id say normally to anyone. I really wonder if this is the true turning point for me this year.)

Getting to the end, with everyone cheering me on. Hoo boy. This was the start of many tears to come. Papyrus's "DO WHAT I WOULD DO! BELIEVE IN YOU!!" sticks with me the most. I wasn't surprised by Flowey's actions, but what fucking threw me for a loop was like. When Flowey was revealed as Asriel, I was genuinely jaw-drop shocked. I was like. Holy fuck. I thought he was dead. What the hell. To this day, though, i still think Hopes and Dreams hits me the hardest out of all the boss battle themes. It doesn't super bother me, bc like, difference in opinion is whatever, but like. Whenever I see Megalovania at the top of someone's ost list for Undertale I'm just... Why? Maybe it's because I'd overheard it meme'd to much before I played the game, but like, i dunno, it's not a bad song, but it's not the most emotional provoking piece for me, so it's pretty far down my list. Hopes and Dreams will still remain my #1.

I really did feel determined during this battle. I really felt a lot of emotion. I felt excited. I felt frightened. I felt ambitious. Asriel's battle is probably still the hardest for me, and yes, I'm counting genocide this time. I can't grasp his magic patterns at all, and I more so played it as a "okay, how much damage can i take? Whats his next move?" As i healed every other turn. It took me a very long time to beat him (though no 11 hours like Sans, this was more like, 2 or 3 max) and when I got to the part with the Lost Souls, most of the characters just said their "we hate you" piece and i was like "nope you're controlled" right.

But then there's Sans's "just give up. i did."

I genuinely had to stop. I set down my controller and just sat for a minute. I'd mentioned before how much I've been struggling with depression for years now, and it's at the worst it's been since high school. Maybe you'd think when I saw that, I was like "sure, maybe I should give up." But... It's really the "i did." that hit me like a rock to the stomach. While I do know a couple other people with depression, the most discussion we have with it is "haha i wanna die" kinda jokes yknow? Nothing really serious. And, well, I've always been the type to lean to fictional characters for support more than real people, since I've just been so disconnected from a lot of friends growing up and was too scared to talk about anything with my family.

So seeing someone else say "just give up. i did." hit me so fucking hard that I just started crying. I had already been in a real sappy mood cause the whole scene was so emotional as it was, even if merely the cliche of friendship will save all, y'know what? Its a good ass fuckin trope and makes me emotional lmao.

So, naturally, I was more hyperaware of Sans's implied depression from here onward. The conversations with everyone post-battle left me crying. God, so did the hug with Asriel. I was just fucking bawling.

Oh god. I didn't even mention. "Despite everything, it's still you." Another line that just hit me and I had to pause.

So admist my crying mess, I was telling my friend I'd beat Undertale again. He asks me "so... you gonna play the genocide route?" And I already had from the beginning. I always want to play every available route in a game. I see no point in paying for something and then not playing it all. I'd consider myself a completionist who doesn't ever actually finish anything lmao.

I definitely put my emotions aside for genocide. The absolute hardest kill for me was Papyrus, though. And i was absolutely fucking heartbroken when he said he still believed me as his last words. But I forced it aside. I didn't want to reset. I wanted to beat it to have it under my belt that I had. I was pretty sure the Sans battle would be here, since I hadn't heard Megalovania in the game yet, and I was aware of how hard the battle was, despite never seeing it.

Undyne's battle I'm more emotional about in retrospect than I was at the time. At the time, I didn't care, didn't like the theme much, and the dings gave me a headache. Undyne isn't exactly my favorite character (though definitely not my least favorite, that role is given to Frisk with Toriel not close behind ahdhsb im sorry), so I really wasn't concerned about it. Not to mention, I don't know why, but all of the battles I struggled with EXCEPT Undyne's I ended up liking the character more as a result. Maybe it was the dinging lmao.

Bro you shoulda seen how prepared I was for Mettaton NEO's battle to be hard as fuck. I was like sitting upright, took deep breaths before hitting fight, then when he died in one shot i just kind of "wh...what." Still very disappointed lol but I guess that's kind of the point of the genocide route.

Then came the Sans fight. As I said, I spent 11 hours on this. I genuinely didn't pay attention to what he said after a while, but I do remember the first time I read it, I was fucking terrified. Usually, sarcasm, hatred, and sass is very hard to convey through pure text, especially when it's said in the same tone as his usual talking. But the absolute harshness, the coldness, and the lack of any fucks given Sans had at that point was so plainly transparent through everything he said that it fucking scared me. Toby Fox's writing here was fantastic. I can only dream of being able to write like that. Frankly, I love his writing in general. Actually, fuck it, I love all of the artistic takes of this game. This is gonna sound weird but... The "childishness" of it just is so good. Like, there's no rules. Every socially accepted rule of art, writing, character design, speech patterns, and even basic grammar are thrown aside. He didn't just think outside of the box, there literally was no box. I call it childish only because like, children also create with no rules. They have no rules to restrict their creativity. And seeing that embraced in Undertale in every form possible just blows me away.

Anyway. The battle. It. Was hard. Thats a given. I spent about two weeks playing it on and off, and it's probably the most healthily I've treated myself in recent memory, because when it became too much for me to handle, I set it down and took a break. I would retain what I memorized and use it for the next time I picked it up. Frankly, it came to a point where every time I opened up Undertale to play, it was more just cause I wanted to see him lmao. The guy hated my existence at this point and it's not like i disacknowledged that. But it just felt like every time i opened the game... Idk. I don't know what I felt. I can tell you for sure this isn't the time when Sans started slipping into my favorite character spot over Mettaton, that didn't come until the development of Act to Flirt's first demo, which was a month or so later lmao.

I was very excited when I beat Sans.

But then, after it was over, I felt very empty.

I didn't feel good about beating genocide. I still don't. I want to play the boss battles again, cause they were really fun, despite how hard they were, but I can't bring myself to.

When I got to Chara, and everything went to black, I just wiped my save and started fresh. I think this was the first time I used the name "Willo" for anything. I just picked a random name to use, and Willo was the first thing that came to mind.

I beat neutral again many times, trying to unlock as many secrets as I could. I accidentally spent like, way too long trying to get Sans's room, because I couldn't figure out how to do it... which is when I started speedrunning the game, because I was just so used to going through it all. I timed myself once, and I got somewhere around 1:20:00 ish, which puts me at the very bottom of the NG+ Glitchless runs by like 30 minutes, but hey, it's still not too bad all things considered.

I'd started working on Act to Flirt sometime in between the speedruns. I was playing Papyrus's date again, and I had this thought of. What if Undertale... but all boss fights are instead like Papyrus's date?? I pitched the idea to my friend who was like "thats definitely been done before lol" and immediately I almost shut down the idea. But then I still had that glimmer of hope that, maybe, since I haven't made it yet, people would like my game because it was by me. Besides, quarantine was getting to me. I needed some way to spend my time. So on May 6th to May 7th, I spent the whole 24 hour period making the first proof of concept for the game, which was UI setup and Flowey's tutorial date. I hadn't made any of the art yet, so it was a black background with Flowey's undertale sprite. I originally was going to make everything more visual novel like in the sense that, so like on Papyrus's date, you could make choices like "unwrap the present" "dont unwrap the present" or "you look great" "you look terrible" and getting the ending would involve pretty much just saying the right things at the right times. But this alone was... Yknow, already done before, and part of what makes Undertale so great is that it's, despite its many outside influences, very unique in its gameplay. So I decided to make the dates more like puzzle-solving RPG's, and frankly, since doing that, I dont know if I want to go back to making other visual novels lmao.

After making the first demo and releasing it, I hit a creative funk. I wanted to make the next demo right away, but I forced myself to stop (since i was working 16+ hour days to finish it in exactly a week. I didn't eat much and i slept very little during this time too. Dont do this lmao). I didn't know if the game would be received, and frankly, I'd had many failed projects in the past due to lack of support. I lost a lot of support in the past due to the dropped projects I kept starting and quitting because I had such a small audience, and that made me lose a lot of interest and motivation to work on them. So I posted the first demo and waited. I was very shocked to have a YouTuber with over a million subs play it that weekend. Dantekris I think was her channel name. She speaks Russian, and I never understood a word she said, but I've still watched her let's plays because I enjoy seeing her reactions. I hate that YouTube keeps deleting my responses on her videos, probably because they're long and in English so it's marked as spam on a comments section full of purely Russian comments yknow. But it makes me feel like such an ass ;w;

Mairusu is the next large YouTuber who played it and my god I love seeing when he uploads a new update for my game because I genuinely have no idea what to expect from him. I don't know what it is but he's just so absolutely funny to me. He also seems to be the most common breaker of my game though. Stop making your own bugs!! I try to testplay to find the bugs he gets and it's like.... what did you do.... how did you skip that whole date im so confused thats not supposed to happen..... He accidentally skipped all of Muffet's date because of this too and hers is supposed to be the hardest in the game right now so I'm very upset by it;; i dont know how it happened, it never happens for me.

But like. I was definitely struggling a bit with the direction I wanted to take AtF. I wanted there to be a core message, like with Undertale and many other of my favorite things. When there's a core theme to write about, it makes things a lot easier to compose than if you have a plot with no meaning to it. It ties it all together for a common purpose. But, as I started diving more into the fandom around this time, finding not only it being still alive but still enormous and filled with passion.

Passion. Hm. That's familiar. That's the trait I gave the player character, rather than determination. While it was intended for giggles "haha dating game u have passion wink wonk," it started becoming more than that. It started becoming a manifestation of what I really felt upon finally soaking myself into the deep end of this pool I'd once been too afraid to step into. Passion. Everyone here is so driven by their passion for this game, the characters, its story. Everyone is so inspired and creative. That's it. That's what I wanted Act to Flirt to be.

A game made for those who have already dived deep into Undertale. A game made for those who have the same level if passion I've wittnessed. A game that someone might stumble upon, merely wanting any Undertale content they can find, and a dating sim leaves them grasping at straws, only to find it's a game instead deeply rooted in how much they care about this world and its people. You have a Soul of Passion, because your passion for Undertale brought you to this game. That's what the core message is. Every ending is supposed to depict different kinds of empathy, and True Passion shows you truly cared the most you could for all of these characters. Sans is so blocked from it because, well, how can he really believe it? "if we're really friends, you won't come back," right? But here you are. Again and again.

And Heartbreak. Whose heart is really the one breaking here? Taking the Hopes and Dreams of every single character you've grown to care for and crushing it beneath your feet... who is the one suffering in the end?

I just... I'm very excited. I've written that game with the player as the main character. Not Willo. Not Frisk. Not anybody else. You, the player, are the main character. I've honestly done a lot of looking around in the DDLC code to make this game as 4th wall breaking as I can (without like. Disrupting it as a game experience like ddlc is, with monika deleting things and stuff). Just enough to leave the player unsettled and confused. Like. "Me? Are you talking to me?" Yes. You. Directly to you.

I started sketching out designs and ideas for ULR around July. I genuinely loved Underlust after finding out about it, even though it was posed to me as an insult about the contents of Act to Flirt. I was both like "uh... Act to Flirt is nothing like this. Maybe in reversed roles at best but..." and also "okay but this? This shit is good. Thank you." But finding out it was discontinued and wanting more, well, that's when I decided to make ULR. I presented the idea to my friends, who were like "please stop making aus," and then continued onward. I told myself I wasn't going to work on it though until after I finished Act to Flirt... Then after the next demo came out... Then it turned out I was working on it too much and it resulted in me rushing my release of the 3rd demo of AtF because I'd been so distracted I was going to miss my release deadline of the end of August, before school. I... Still kinda regret that a lot. It's still very buggy. Though I hope I got them all for the next demo...

But speaking of school .... ha... Remember when i said i was going to transfer to another school? Well, I did, and for the first few weeks it was fine! Then I started skipping assignments I didn't want to do. Then I started panicking about my low grades. Then I started getting behind on assignments. Then I stopped going to classes. Then I lost all motivation to work on anything at all. I just locked myself in my room and did next to nothing with the occasional drawing here and there, for weeks. It came to the point where I was like "I just have to get through this semester, then I'll drop out." But if I ever wanted to go back to school, having all F's on my last report card would not bode well for my acceptance. Which lead to more stress. I didn't want to fail, but I also didn't have any motivation to work. I would do one assignment here or there, feel good about myself, then realize I was still months behind on work and suddenly oh god oh fuck finals are next week. And my solution? I just. Fuckin dropped out. Oh my god. It was such a relief to just get that weight off my shoulders that I'd been carrying for months on end, preventing me to do anything I wanted to work on.

Well. Then my car tires died. So that's a thing. But good news! Between commissions and gifts, I have enough money to get them replaced! I don't think I've ever like... Been so excited about that before.

And, well. Now I'm here, pretty much. God, I just went through my entire year summary, and it feels like it was both forever long but also not long at all. I don't get it. 2021 still feels like a far off future, despite the fact I'm now 5 hours into it. Yes, I spent 4 hours writing this. Whoops. Oh well. I couldn't sleep anyway, so it's not that big of a deal.

All in all though... Despite being locked inside, away from my friends, unable to talk to anyone about the things i was enjoying, and living in fear of getting sick at all ever with anything, 2020 definitely fuckin changed me for the better. It was a hellhole of a year and I'd never do it again or wish it upon my worst enemy, but I came out a better person... I think. I hope.

It seems cliche to bring back but fuck it. Undertale? My friend insists its core message was that anyone can be a good person if they just try, which I mean, it definitely probably was intended that way. But that never was the message I felt while playing it.

What lesson I took from it was "things aren't always as they seem."

Flowey betrays you immediately, but then you find out he's just the remnants of a boy who died years ago and is still grieving over the loss of his best friend, whomst, despite how much he cares for them, recognizes they weren't good to him and he'd been manipulated and used by them.

Toriel is a kind and caring woman, a still grieving mother over the loss of her children, who seems to have kindness to no end, but is actually filled with such hatred and depression that she regularly gets drunk, swears, and still, without resilience, hates her ex husband.

Sans is a playful character who is full of puns, a gross atmosphere, and decided to break physics just because he can. He's the embodiment of a comic relief character. But at the same time, he's suffering, struggling, in constant pain and worry. He's lazy, but quick on his feet. He's harmless but will kill without hesitation if need be. He's both caring and the least caring of them all.

Papyrus is like... a self-centered asshole in a way, when you first meet him. He prides himself and everything he does. Yet still, he's actually quite open and accepting and loves everyone. He loves talking with and being with other people, even if maybe sometimes he has a different interpretation of social interaction from the "norm."

Undyne comes off as cruel and deadly, such even being emphasized in many points. But, deep down, she's extremely caring for those who are close to her, and her only cruelty is dealt to those who have wronged her in some way.

Alphys is a sweet and nervous wreck who comes off as helpful and lacking a filter due to her tendency to ramble. She seems to be merely anxious due to likely social anxiety... But you eventually find out that she's a liar who merely wants to create a world to be a better place, and by doing so, she pretends all the bads do not exist.

Mettaton comes off as an absolute self-centered asshole. Like. There's no way around that. He seemingly has no regard for other people with only full intentions of helping himself. But, deep down, he actually cares a lot for other people, especially his family and friends, and just tends to get caught up in things while he's in the moment.

Muffet seems to be greedy with how much money she begs people to give her for the spiders, but, as it turns out, she's flat broke and drops no G when you beat or kill her. She merely needs the money to help the spiders.

Asgore, too, is built up to be this ruthless killer throughout the whole game, and when you finally meet him, he's an incredibly sweet guy who's only filled with regret, and because of his past decisions, has decided to put aside his hopes for the sake of his people.

I...

Didn't see any of these characters for who they really were right away. Why would I? Few of these archetypes are explored much in a lot of fiction lately, or at least what I've been consuming; and is more focused around how someone can change their flaws into something positive... Not how to accept someone for who they are, despite the wrongs they may have committed or the lives they lead. Everyone's different. Everyone's grown up differently. Everyone has a reason for what they do.

And it took me playing this game to realize such a simple concept that I probably should have learned years ago.

That's why I really think 2020 changed me for the better. I made a realization that I should have had many years ago, and it's made me a lot more confident in expressing myself, accepting people for what they do, and seeing the brighter side to everything. I say that, sitting here filled with nothing and void of all emotion whatsoever... But it's a conscious thought i have. My emotions are so weird... They're either on full blast or I feel nothing at all. But yet I have... Thoughts of what i should feel? It's weird. Idk. This is why I'm getting therapy LMAO

But yea. 2020? Fuck you. But also thank you. But mostly fuck you and good riddance lmao

#zircon rambles #a lot #lol #its very long im sorry #i spent way too long writing this too #also please don't reblog this

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mego42 · 5 years ago

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while I was not specifically prompted, @foxmagpie posted a fic request that made my brain go hmmmmmmmm, so I went ahead and pretended it was a prompt for me because I do what I want.

i want to read a fic from rio’s POV of 2.10 when annie reached out to him both because i think annie trying to arrange a business proposition would be hilarious but also because i suspect that rio thought beth was either orchestrating things or that it would be a way to get her back and i wanna get in his head about it

can we meet

All in all, it's a pretty standard text. Rio could probably scroll through his phone and find at least 15 others at any given point. More if he didn't dump his phones every week or two. Even more if he didn't have Mick filtering most of the bullshit for him.

But that's the thing, he does have Mick, which means when these kinds of texts make it all the way to him, he knows who they're from and what they want. The problem here is he doesn't know who the fuck this is or what they want or, most importantly, how the fuck they got this number.

And that last part especially is a big enough fuckin' problem that he shuts his laptop and scoops up his phone, swiping through to call and see who it is.

"Hello?"

He doesn't immediately recognize the voice that picks up, though it pings something. He waits, still not saying anything, figurin' he'll either place it, or they'll give themselves away. It's fuckin' unbelievable the kind of shit people will say if he just keeps his mouth shut and waits 'em out.

"Is this…" The voice trails off, and he's right on the cusp of placin' it, can feel a face bubbling to the surface when it continues in a whisper. "Gang friend?"

The fuckin' sister.

Rio's mouth snaps shut so hard it sends a pang through his jaw, and he's pretty sure she heard his teeth click together over the phone.

There are motherfuckers who would kill—hell, who have killed—for his number, and here's this suburban bopper callin' him up like she can summon him or some shit. Like she has the right.

And isn't that just like Elizabeth, makin' her sister call? After her pretty little fuckin' speech, that prim, butter wouldn't melt it's over, leavin' his cut on the goddamn nightstand like he was some kind of hired help.

His phone case creaks, giving slightly under the force of his grip, and he forces himself to relax. He leans back in his chair, drumming his fingers on his desk, tryin' to figure out how he wants to play this.

He fuckin' knew it.

He's not about to pretend the victory isn't at least a little sweet underneath the bitter rage just thinking 'bout their stalemate brings to the surface. He knew Elizabeth wasn't gonna walk away. She couldn't, she didn't have it in her.

It isn't enough, though, knowing he was right. It's barely a dent, a scratch, a fuckin' scuff in the debt she owes him, the mountain of shit he's gonna make her pay for.

"Hello?"

He hasn't said anything yet, and it's makin' the sister antsy, he can tell. There's a static, scratching noise, and he realizes she's put her thumb over the speaker or something because he can hear what she says next, but it's muffled.

"Are you sure this is the right number?"

Something in him bottoms out—he's not exactly tryin' too hard to identify what. The bright, bitter flair of satisfaction's gone as quickly as it came, leaving a dark, hollow space behind.

The sister's actin' out then, going rogue. Elizabeth knows damn well what his number is. She hasn't exactly been too shy 'bout usin' it whenever she needs a payday loan. Or other services for that fuckin' matter.

He can't help but laugh at that, but it's a harsh, biting sound. The audacity must be genetic.

"Okay, now I know you're there. Stop being a dick."

He should hang the fuck up, now that he knows who it is. Hang up, block the number, forget all about that bitch and the sister. It's probably the smartest thing to do, all told.

Except. Except she fuckin' owes him, and Rio hasn't gotten to the top by letting debts go unanswered.

"What?" He asks, giving the t an edge sharp enough to cut.

There's a pause. "What like you didn't hear me, or what like what do I want?"

Rio adjusts a potted bromeliad's alignment on the corner of his desk, running a finger along the edge of one of the tall, spikey leaves. Mick had dropped it on his desk one day with no fanfare, only snide commentary about Rio needing to take a vacation, and maybe this'll get him thinkin' 'bout it.

The annoying part is, it's not like the disrespectful fucker's wrong. Rio knows damn well he's let himself get far too twisted up in Elizabeth's bullshit. Offerin' to deal with her problems, lettin' her get away with all kinds of amateur hour bullshit like bringing her fuckin' kids on drops. He never should've let her strong-arm him into cuttin' her in. It's not like she's the first person to try, should've dealt with her like he would anyone else, string her up and don't give her the option to not tell him where his shit is.

Hell, further back than that, he never should've followed her into that motherfuckin' bathroom. Should've kept it business, should've never found out how soft those miles of pale skin really are, how far that delicate pink flush can spread, how unexpectedly dark and rich she tastes.

Disgusted with himself, he shoves up out of his chair, pacing around the tiny, concrete floors of the control room currently serving as his office in long, loping strides.

He should take a week. Tie things up, take Marcus to Disneyland, or some shit. Get some fuckin' distance. Perspective.

"Hello?"

Now the sister sounds like she's getting annoyed, and Rio's really gotta do somethin' about the two of them runnin' 'round actin' like he's someone they can get away with not takin' seriously. Like he's some sort of pet. Defanged. Declawed. Fuckin' neutered.

"Get to the point."

"I mean, I kind of did in the message."

Rio can hear some kind of groan or somethin' from the background. Probably the friend. She was the only one of the three of them who ever seemed to really get what kind of waters they were swimming in. How deep they were and what kind of monsters lurked beneath the surface.

"Yeah, that ain't really how we do things."

"I know, I...look—" He has to yank the phone away from his ear when she sighs, loud as shit, right into it. "Something...I mean, um. I know Beth quit, but, uh…"

He tunes her out, the way she's going, she'll be stutterin' her way around to her point about a half an hour from now.

She wants a fuckin' favor, a hookup. They always do. Not just these bitches but everyone. Once you're at the top, all people want is a piece; it's only a matter of whether or not they're gonna beg for it or try to take it. Every now and then, they try to earn it.

It’s one of the things he'd liked best about Elizabeth from the jump. Yeah, sure, she was arrogant as shit, struttin' 'round in those heels like she understood the rules the world played by. Like she could twist anything and everything' round her pretty little fingers and get away with whatever the fuck she wanted as long as she batted those big, blue eyes just right.

But she was willin' to work for it. She might’ve expected to be awarded a piece just because she worked hard and that was the fair exchange for her effort. And isn’t that a trip? The idea of livin’ in a world where fair meant somethin’. Still, that didn’t mean she wasn’t gonna get down in the dirt and scrap for it.

Her problem is—well, one of 'em, he doesn't even have enough warehouses to house 'em all—she looked out at her tidy little garden and thought that was the dirt. She didn't want to accept there's a whole other subterranean playing field underneath all of that.

He'd seen it though, the thing with teeth and claws she had locked up inside her. It'd come out in flashes and splinters, peaking through the bars of the cage she kept it in, eyes flashing, tail lashing, and he couldn't help it, the urge to see what would happen if he pulled its tail. Let it loose.

Rio stops pacing, coming to a halt in front of one of the huge paneled windows in the exterior wall of his office, leaning up against the edge and looking out. The panes are dingy, giving his view of the Michigan winter sky a bleak, barren cast. Not that it needed any more of one. This warehouse sits on the edge of a train yard, the miles of rust and concrete below reaching out towards the horizon. All grey and dirty red, broken up by the occasional patch of strangled grass or vibrant streaks of neon tags left behind to defiantly mark the artists’ passing.

"...I guess what I'm saying is, you know, you still have options in this, um, market. If you catch my drift. I'm hoping that we can figure a way to continue this mutually beneficial arrangement…"

The sister's still going, so he ticks through his options.

He'd have preferred Elizabeth came crawling back all on her own. That'd be ideal. He hadn't decided yet if he'd initially shut her out, make her work for reentry, and then make her pay, or go straight to the main event. It would've depended on the circumstances, what was most advantageous at the time. All good plans are flexible. He’s learned the hard way to always take contingencies into account.

She would've, though. Come crawling back. It was only a matter of time. She's had a taste now, she'd let herself go just enough, she wasn’t gonna be able to pack herself back away in that soul-sucking suburban box of a house, of a life. Not for long.

Beyond that, there was the money. She might've thought she had enough, but four kids, three mortgages, and a moron with a talent for squandering every last thing he's given? That's a lot of financial upkeep.

'Sides, even if she thought she was in the black, he was still keepin' tabs on all of them—it wasn't even personal, just good business, they were too new, too green, too unpredictable to go without the extra surveillance—and he knew that wasn’t the case across the board. Elizabeth might've been in an okay spot for now, but the sister and the friend sure as shit were not, and if there's one way to get Elizabeth to jump, it's come through her people.

And on the off chance that all of that failed to come to fruition—always a possibility, she's stubborn as shit and not above gettin' into some kind of dumbass, fucked up mess to keep from backin' down—he's got his little landfill insurance policy tucked away on ice if he ever needs to really force her hand.

"So, what do you say?" The sister‘s finally run out of steam.

Rio runs his tongue along the inside of his lower lip and tucks it in his cheek.

Now that he’s really thinkin’ about it, this might actually be a better option than any of the ones already on the table. There's no way the sister and the friend are gonna pull some shit all the way off, not on their own. He knows how to read a room, it’s been the thing that’s kept him alive more than once, and he knows without a shadow of a doubt, the two of them aren’t half as effective on their own. They don't have Elizabeth's steely determination, her gift for spinning bullshit into gold. Not only that but there’s too much friction there. They need Elizabeth to grease their wheels. He can toss 'em some piddly shit that don't matter and let 'em get tangled up. Give 'em enough rope and all of that.

And hey, it's not like he came after her—them. If anything, he's tryin' to help. He’s givin’ them the same opportunity to earn some money, build their own side hustle. He's practically the good guy here.

The thought makes him laugh, this time like it's actually funny.

"Okay, well, thanks for that. You know, you don't have to be rude. I just thought—"

"Park. 2 pm."

"What? Oh! Seriously? Okay, great. Wow, that is...phew. That is a load off, you don't even kno—"

Rio cuts her off, locking his phone and tucking it back in his pocket, then tapping his fist against the window.

Three seagulls are down in the warehouse parking lot fighting over scraps of something. Even all the way up here, he can hear 'em cawing, screamin', tearin' into each other for the same piece of the pie. After a minute, one of ‘em rips whatever it is away from the other two, swallows it and takes off. The others follow a beat behind, and he watches the three of ‘em fly directly overhead until the building obscure his view.

Either Elizabeth'll come to him, or this will give him a new string to tug, somethin' he can use to yank her right back under his thumb. He'll get her right back where he wants her and then he'll— He'll—

Well. He'll just have to see.

#nbc good girls #good girls nbc #beth x rio #brio #brio fic #(kind of anyway)#my fic #wheeeeee i can still do a prompt fill!!!!#apparently the trick is to do them when i'm supposed to be working on something else #anyway back to dean pov #hope this somewhat scratches the itch?#confession i haven't watched 210 in actual ages so i have no idea how canonically accurate this is but i did my best #gg 2x10

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viewmasterfeeling · 5 years ago

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Why Byler could be canon (but the Duffers could just as easily scrap it)

It’s late and I have zero energy, so I’m just gonna list of some main points that have really made me a Byler shipper.

Mike’s attraction to El in season 1/Mike not liking El’s femininity in season 3

I personally thought season 1 Mileven was weird... but that’s beside the point. The point is that, in the show, Mike develops a crush on Eleven. He’s the only one in the Party who does.

BUT... isn’t it interesting that Dustin and Lucas both get a crush on Max in season 2? A girl who looks more girly? But Mike... doesn’t?

Okay, I’m writing this awfully, but my point is that Mike was immediately attracted to a person who looked like a boy. Dustin and Lucas weren’t, because they’re straight! But Dustin and Lucas were immediately attracted to Max, a girl who looks like a girl, in the next season, when Mike obviously didn’t like her!

Of course, this is just my interpretation. But I just find that little tidbit interesting...

Also, he doesn’t seem to be attracted to El once she gets her more feminine glow-up in season 3.

Obvious romantic coding/parallels

Crazy and Stupid

If you’re a byler shipper, you probably read kaypeace21′s analyses. She explains it in way more depth than I ever will be able to, but here’s my take.

In Stranger things, stupid + crazy = love. We know this because of Flo’s line in S1:

“Only love makes you that crazy, sweetheart. And that damn stupid.”

And Mike brings it back in S3 with:

“You know, they do say it makes you crazy.”

Soo, what does this mean for the crazy together scene? A scene where two bros casually say that they’re going crazy together. Crazy, part of the love formula, and together. It’s the Together part of it that puts Byler over Mileven for me. Byler has a unique bond, and whether it’s romantic or platonic, you can’t deny that it’s love. They’re going crazy together.

Also, Will calls himself stupid after the fight with Mike. The second half of the love formula. So... things to think about...

Bonus: Robin calling Steve’s hair stupid in the coming out scene, when she was talking about how her crush, Tammy Thompson, liked Steve and not her.

Bonus 2: “El’s not stupid”. Made clear by several characters.

Best Thing vs Most Important Thing

We all know Mike Wheeler’s famous speech. Some of us may vaguely remember Mike’s “confession” in season 3. Regardless, the two are comparable, but vastly different. Let’s talk about “Best” vs. “Most important”. Mike loves Will, and thinks befriending him was the best thing he ever did. But El? He just calls her important. Mike doesn’t actually love her, but he thinks it’s important to date her. So that he’s in a straight relationship. That could also explain why he clung so desperately to El in Season 2. (Of course, that’s just some people’s interpretation.)

Also, he calls the event of meeting will the “thing”, but calls El herself a “thing”. Which one do you think he cares for more?

Fight vs. Breakup

Do I even need to explain this one? Just... rewatch the two scenes (El dumping Mike and Mike and Will’s fight). Which one do you think is more dramatic?

(And he’s wearing the SAME SHIRT. AAAh)

So, the parallels are there... but what makes me ship Byler?

Obvious answer: Mike. He has so much more emotion and love with Will. You can tell that easily. Season 3 Mileven had almost no emotion in my opinion. Mike didn’t look “in love” or even attracted to feminine El. And Finn is too good of an actor for that to be a mistake. Probably.

Plus, Mileven... just isn’t very healthy. They were “in love” after like, a week? Plus, El should not be in a relationship! She’s traumatized and stunted from living her whole childhood as a literal labrat! And the kissing... kinda weird, in my opinion.

So, why am I not hopeful?

Well. It’s tricky. I AM hopeful. Extremely. But q*eerbaiting is a harsh but real thing that exists in this world. And since so many viewers blindly ship Mileven, the Duffers could easily get away with a Mileven endgame. No matter how poorly they construct it.

It’s weird for me to think about Mileven being endgame, considering Season 3, and El’s trauma from the lab, and Mike never explaining what romance is...

Yeah, I’m gonna sign off now, good night

Also most of these are from @kaypeace21. I just kinda took those ideas and wrote what I, a simple viewer (and not in any way a film analyst) think about it.

I shall perhaps write more posts later, this was just a very basic look into my head. Hopefully if you ship Mileven, you can see where Bylers are coming from. Everyone has their own interpretation, and I’m not against shipping Mileven, so please don’t interpret that from this post. Good nightttt

#byler #byeler #byler meta #byeler meta #anti mileven

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fictionalginger · 4 years ago

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wandavision theories for ep 8 | contains spoilers

Obligatory disclaimer, these are my opinion + thoughts, and ideas, take all u see here with a grain of salt as of course, these are just theories. Now, shall we?

I’m writing this at 7:30am on Friday 26th, it’s taking all my self control to actually write this down before I go watch the episode.

Let me start this by saying that ever since this show started I’ve looked like this every single week, until the next episode, and then the cycle just starts over. I’ve seen the promos and the trailers in like 0.25x so many times.

Agatha/Agnes

I called it from before the show’s start and the fact that it was so obvious makes me think she’s not really the main but more like a pawn that’s serving a supervillain if that makes sense.

On episode 1, there was the June 2nd line and then the “Charmed” thing that confirmed it for me.

I think that she’s either

possessed

just crazy

I’m leaning a bit more towards the crazy part, she’s been an instigator throughout the whole show and seems to be doing it and enjoying it (ie agatha all along)

basically put the idea of having kids in Wanda’s head

instigated Vision’s doubts which then ultimately made him realize something was wrong

she literally gave him the last push for him to try to go outside the hec which might have killed him

she killed Sparky

brought Peter from (according to me) Fox’s universe as a stand in for Pietro bc he’s dead…

From the couple of promos and leaked images for ep 8, I think she’s gonna show Wanda her past which I think is tied to Mephisto because let’s be honest, how does a witch have powers comparable to those of someone who basically was exposed to an infinity stone. The amount of demonic symbolism in her secret lair was a lot, the cicadas, señor scratchy, what looks to be the darkhold.

I also think she’s the one that manipulated Wanda into creating the hex, seeing as her creepy basement is apparently outside of it. She manipulated her into having kids, we’ve seen that every time the twins are about to age up, she’s there. She didn’t even blink to Wanda having powers. That’s why I think she killed Sparky, because for some reason she wants to age the twins into teenagers to serve her purpose.

But why?

Does she want to bring someone back from the dead? Or does she want to manipulate Wanda into opening the multiverse because she knows she’s a Nexus being? Is she using her to bring Mephisto into the MCU world in a physical form?

Peter

I’m sure he’s just Peter from X-Men who Agatha pulled into the MCU as a stand-in for Pietro.

I think when Wanda yeeted him in the halloween episode, he got snapped out of Agatha’s control and we might see him team up with Monica to help Wanda and the residents of Westview.

I think he might stay in the MCU and be in Dr. Strange the multiverse of madness, and then we’d see him return to Fox

Monica

Not sure what name she’ll go with, Photon, Spectrum or even Captain Marvel 🤷🏼‍♀️

I do think she’ll take over as Director of S.WORD since I’m 99.9% sure Hayward broke the Sokovia Accords (and Vision’s will)

Hopefully we see more of her and why she’s so mad at Carol

Dottie

I have the feeling that there’s a lot more to her, but I’m on a time crunch and really want to go watch ep 8 so I'll just say that she’s either Arcanna Jones or Clea and I’ll be disappointed if she turns out to just be Dottie.

Also, she’s not on the board so I have my doubts about her.

Hayward

I’ve hated since I first saw him

I’m 99.9% sure he was experimenting on Vision trying to bring him back online which is a breach of the Accords, but he couldn’t and then saw that Wanda had breathing, living version of Vision and became hellbent on getting him, that’s why he’s vilifying Wanda so he can put the blame on her.

Vision

This one’s a bit tricky, because I have my doubts about him being Old Vision, but I really liked him throughout the show and it sucks that he’ll probably die at the end.

Theory 1:

He can’t leave the Hex, which makes me think he was created by Wanda, I mean after all she can manipulate things to a molecular level and could’ve given him the same traits as Old Vision, that’s why he has the stone and can’t really remember anything from before Westview, because he didn’t exist but still exhibits his selfless behavior (i.e doesn’t even remember being an avenger yet he wanted to help and then when he was dying outside the hex, he asked for help for the people and not for himself even though he was disintegrating)

This scene from one of the promos where Wanda’s still wearing modern day clothes and then she’s wearing the outfit from the first episode, and Vision’s like “Wanda?”. I think that’s where she created him, and gave him some basic memories to start from.

Here, where she’s looking at the stone, in another promo I believe, I think it’s that she’s “destroying” the stone which will inevitably kill vision.

Or when she has to inevitably bring down the Hex, he’s gonna die, again. The only plot hole to this theory would be, how is Hayward able to track him? Is he tracking the Vibranium signature only?

That scene where Wanda’s at S.W.O.R.D and she’s recovering his body, makes sense that maybe she made Westview Vision from Old Vision’s scraps, but he was completely disarmed and taken apart, how could she have done that? She would have had to completely put him together (which shouldn’t be hard considering her powers) but I’m guessing he wasn’t Vision anymore, they were turning him into something else.

Theory 2:

I remember reading in October, that White Vision could make an appearance which kinda makes sense? After all, he was killed and taken apart by a spy agency which could be S.W.O.R.D as it is now a “Sentient Weapon Observation Response Division” that is very specifically focusing on robotics and A.I. This could be what Hayward mentioned that he intends on launching on episode 7. Considering there’s only 2 episodes left, this seems like a lot to include with so little time left. But the possibilities are endless, it is Marvel we’re talking about.

Either way I think he’s gonna die and we’re all gonna cry. His death might be what pushes Wanda over the edge and into insanity, if even when she was living a normal, happy life she was pushing her grief onto those she was controlling, what would it be like when she has to let go of this? Heartbreaking, that’s for sure.

Billy & Tommy

I think they’re somehow fully real, made from who knows what but real

I don’t think Agatha killed him, but she might have aged them as that seems to have been her goal (it also makes them the right age for the young avengers set up they seem to be going for)

Perhaps, instead of living with Wanda, once the Hex goes down they’re forgotten? Like when, in the comics, Agatha wiped them from Wanda's mind.

I read a theory that the missing person Jimmy was looking for at the beginning was Teddy Altman who ends up being Billy’s husband in the comics, so that’d be cool.

Wanda

Poor Wanda has been manipulated this whole time.

Going with my theory that Vision’s body was completely torn apart when she got to S.W.O.R.D, I don’t think she could take it with her like that, that’s why I think Hayward is so obsessed with finding the Vision that she has alive inside the Hex.

I feel she was manipulated by Agatha all along, Westview might’ve just been the first town she found as soon as she left S.W.O.R.D where Agatha manipulated her into creating the Hex. This whole time she thought she was in control, it was Agatha behind the scenes controlling everything. Jimmy mentioned that she was displaying an amount of powers that far exceeded anything she’d displayed before and I think her crumbling mental stability, along with the fact that Vision almost died at the end of episode 6 (or he did actually die idk) could be what’s causing the Hex to start glitching and failing.

There’s a scene from one of the promos, and honestly it was hard to find, but we can see her in the town surrounded by all of Westview’s residents who look like they’re begging her for something (Phil). Maybe she couldn’t keep her control over them or once Agatha showed her the truth, she decided to free their minds.

and this scene where she holds hands with Vision while wearing modern clothes, I think it might be one of their last scenes together.

My working theory for Wanda is:

She realizes she’s been manipulated and how wrong it all is

Frees everyone

Tries to take down the Hex but has to fight Agatha and Hayward(and whatever he launched) in order to do so but she has the help of Vision, Monica and Peter

Inevitably kills Westview Vision when she takes down the hex, says goodbye and we’ll cry

Grabs her children and we go into dr. strange 2 where she’ll try to fix what she fucked up

She forgets her children, probably Agatha’s doing and goes crazy with the grief of losing everything at once hence setting her up as one of the main characters (villain?) of Dr strange 2

I’ve had the feeling that phase 4 is going to revolve around her and her powers, spiderman 3: no way home and dr. strange the multiverse of madness, even loki and antman: quantumania. They all give multiverse, ripples in the fabric of reality kinda vibes.

So far all I’ve got are more questions for episode 8

Why did Agatha do this? What’s the purpose of it?

Is Vision gonna die? Is he alive? Are my theories right?

Are the kids alive or aged up? Trapped in the creepy ass basement?

Is Peter under Agatha's mind control or will he team up with Monica?

Will the town people die in Haywards attack?

Will we get to see the big bad in the show?

Who is the aerospace engineeeeer?

Hope you’ve enjoyed reading my delusions, expect a theory for the final episode after I watch ep 8. Leave me a like or reblog if you’ve found this interesting. You can also follow me on Twitter where I usually post my dumbassery first!

#blog post #wandavision #wandavision theory #wandavision theories #wanda maximoff #vision #agatha harkness #spoilers #wandavision spoilers #episode 8 theory #episode 8

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collecting-stories · 5 years ago

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Dreams - Daryl Dixon

Request: Ready for it, Taylor for Daryl please ? - anon requested.

A/N: Probably not exactly what you had in mind but I love this hook/chorus and wanted to make it the main focal point of the fic. Sorry, I took some poetic liberties.

In the middle of the night, in my dreams, you should see the things we do, baby, I know I’m gonna be with you - ...Ready For It, Taylor Swift

\\\

Your chin rested in your palms, elbows on knees as you took what was likely the most relaxed watch position in history. The thirty plus days without incident, as documented by the rummaged sign Beth proudly displayed in her cell, was making you lazy. So much so you considered, for a brief moment, wearing shorts to watch. It was hot out and the metal death trap twenty or so feet off the ground felt like it was roasting you alive most days and lately you’d been drawing the short straw - midday watch.

The only promising factor was that Daryl was back from the four-day run he and Michonne had embarked on. Which meant he was helping Rick plough. Which meant you could stare at him instead of the disgusting post-dead clinging to the fences. He was, naturally, unaware of your stalkerish staring but then oblivious, emotionally unavailable men were your type. He’d been even more checked out since Merle died, reserving any moments of camaraderie for Michonne or Rick or Carol. That wasn’t surprising. They’d found you somewhere between the farm that burned down (so the story goes) and this prison and they’d been good enough to take you in, just like they’d done for these folks from Woodbury, but you weren’t one of them. Still an outsider to the group the most they offered you was a scrap of conversation here and there. Glenn and Maggie, and Lori before she died, had been the kindest. Even bratty Beth with her moodiness and her self-revolving universe was nicer than most. Michonne was nice, but she had been an outsider too. An asset that lost the status pretty quickly, most of the time you missed each other. She was on watch at odd hours. And besides, it was Daryl you really wanted to talk to.

Like an itch you couldn’t scratch.

You’d been nothing special prior to this. And they’d found you after a rough patch, accosted by a group before theirs you’d been hiding in the back of a minivan and Daryl had opened the door on you, sending you both into a minor panic. Hershel had bandaged the sprained ankle you had and Lori had offered some of the Tylenol in her bag to ease the pain from the bruises on your face. Healed by now you only had occasional trouble from your ankle which was why Rick always put you on watch and never assigned you a run or asked you to fix the traps outside of the fences.

The complacency was making you go a little stir crazy. Or more than a little, judging by the entire hours that you spent daydreaming about Daryl.

“How are you killing anything if your gun is no where near you?” Glenn asked, nudging your side with the rifle you’d left inside the watchtower while you sat outside.

“Don’t remind me.” You sighed, taking the gun and laying it across your lap.

Glenn sat down beside you, just as relaxed. “What are they doing?”

“Building a fence for the pigs?” You shrugged. “I’m not sure, I’m just in it for the view.”

“Imagine if you spoke to him like a normal person.” Glenn teased. You had become quick friends with Glenn and he was privy to most of you new-world secrets, including your infatuation with Daryl.

“I talk to him all the time in my head.”

“That doesn’t make you sound crazy.”

“No crazier than the rest of us.” You shrugged.

“Hey, kid!” And wasn’t that the other problem? That of all the nicknames Daryl could have possibly chosen to bestow on you he had gone with ‘kid’ as if you were Carl or Beth’s age and not in fact, in your late twenties.

You leaned through an opening in the railing to gaze down at him. Tanner than usual from the sun, a hint of a burn forming on his shoulders and you were mentally running through the list of odd items collected in your cell to see if you had any aloe you could offer him before that started to peel. When you continued to stare Glenn cleared his throat and nudged you.

“Sorry, what’s up?” You asked.

“Ya wanna see how to check the traps?”

You’d been bugging for weeks to help in a capacity greater than sitting around in this tower everyday but you imagined the most you’d get was babysitting duty or helping Hershel should anyone feel a little under the weather. The only thing more surprising than being given an actual task was that Daryl was the one offering up his assistance.

“Yeah, totally.” Way to sound like an adult, you nearly cringed at the sound of your own overtly excited voice.

Being outside the fence again you were bombarded with the same feelings you’d been fending off before you met the group. That anxious bubble of dread was just under your skin and you could feel yourself zoning out. It didn’t help that Daryl was just a few steps ahead of you, leading the way further into the woods as scenarios of all the ways this could go bad ran through your mind.

That and how good Daryl made living in the middle of an apocalypse look. How could someone manage to look both gross and fuckable at the same time? Maybe it said less about him and more about your absolute devotion to this infatuation with him that you were thinking about how much you wanted him to shove you up against a tree right in the middle of the fucking forest.

“Ya paying attention?” Daryl’s voice broke your concentration and you looked up at him. He was already halfway through disarming one of the snares to check for anything inside. A rabbit.

“Uh, yeah.” You nodded and bit your lip.

“Here, put this in the bag.”

“That’s what this bag is for?” You asked, grimacing as you took the dead rabbit and laid it in the tote bag slung over your shoulder.

“What’d ya think it was fer?” He looked at you like you were the stupidest person on earth.

You could only shake your head and shrug. Honestly he could have stood there and told you exactly what the bag was for and you would still have no idea. You had a terrible habit of zoning out whenever Daryl was talking to you. The movement of his hands and his lips and the way he looked when he was trying to find the right words to explain something was one of your favorite things and your mind went more than a little haywire trying to take in all of it at once.

“Come on, we got three more to check.” He kept walking and you stood there for a minute, letting him get ahead of you before you finally caught up.

“How’d it go?” Glenn asked, leaning on the door frame of your cell.

You frowned, lifting your leg so he could see the bandage that Hershel had to wrap your ankle in. Distracted, as it were, you had taken a rather nasty fall that resulted in what Hershel determined was a sprained ankle. Naturally you had tripped up right in front of Daryl, embarrassing but not entirely unfortunate because he carried you back to the prison.

“I fell.”

“I heard.” He smiled, clearly trying not to laugh out loud at you.

“Who told you?” You were sure that everyone was talking about what an absolute waste of space you were, especially now, but you wouldn’t mind knowing exactly who was spreading news of your fall.

“Daryl told Rick about it.” Glenn said, “told him you’re too distracted out there. I said you never have a problem when we go on runs.”

“Why cause you hate me?” You grumbled, standing carefully, “I should apologize.”

“For the upteenth time?”

“Yes.” In actuality you’d been so embarrassed over the entire ordeal that you hadn’t apologized at all. You had just fumbled over your words until you decided it was probably better to just stay quiet. But you felt guilty that Daryl had agreed to take you out there and you had fucked the whole thing up by being your usual self and getting far too distracted by everything about him to pay attention to even the ground you were walking on.

Daryl wasn’t hard to find, sitting at the base of the stairs that led up to the second level of cells. He was whittling the end of a stick, probably making a new arrow. You’d watched him make them plenty of times before, though that made you sound like some stalker. He looked up as you lowered yourself on to the step beside him. Your heart was pounding against your chest and your hands felt clammy from being so nervous.

If you could be half as confident in front of him as you were in the millions of daydreams you had about him.

“I’m sorry, about earlier.” You confided, “I didn’t mean to be so lousy out there.”

“Ain’t yer fault, yer outta practice.” He shrugged. Nicer than he had to be.

The part of his conversation with Rick that Glenn had left out was how he lost any composure, resentful that Rick had even considered sending you out there in the woods. Even if it was just to check snares. When you’d fallen Daryl had been terrified that you were more seriously hurt than just a sprained ankle and you had laid there while he checked you for any other injuries. Then he’d carried you back to the prison as quickly as possible, aware that you were in a compromised position if any walkers showed up. He was pissed, to say the least, not that Rick had suggested taking you out to the woods but that Rick had thought you would be okay to check snares after you hadn’t been on the other side of the prison in months.

“I still feel guilty, I could’ve gotten us killed.” And now you were apologizing like the whole thing was your fault.

“Wouldn’t a let that happen.” Daryl replied, eyes still trained on his arrow. It was easier to talk to you when he had something to occupy himself, so that all his concentration wasn’t on you. Or the way you smiled. Being in the woods with you was hard enough.

“I know you wouldn’t have, I just mean...I totally compromised us.”

“Like I said, it ain’t yer fault.” Daryl was adamant that you understand that he was not mad at you. Himself, yes, but you. Never.

As many hours as you wasted sitting on that watchtower and keeping an eye on whatever he was doing, he was watching you as well. Sometimes he would come in the kitchen area and sit there fiddling with his crossbow just so he could be around you while you helped Carol. Or he would offer to help you anytime you were tasked with a job. He knew nothing would ever come of it, even in the world the way it was now there were social standings and he knew you would never be interested in someone like him.

“When yer healed up we’ll go out again. Just ta get used ta being out there. Ain’t gotta do anything.”

“A nice walk in the woods together?” You asked, smiling at him. You could think up a million scenerios in which the two of you were out there together, walking in the woods with the seasons changing. None of them involving snares or runs or walkers.

“So long as ya don’t trip over yerself again.”

“It was an accident! You said it wasn’t my fault.”

Daryl grinned, looking away from you so you couldn’t see the change in facial expression but you caught it just in time. Your own smile appeared, maybe it wasn’t so far fetched that he could like you.

taglist: @thinkingsofamadwoman @mixedwiththemoon @titty-teetee @queenmissfit @marvelismylifffe @iluvmesomemarvelndc @absentmindeduniverse @his-paradox @medievalfangirl @gigilame @sabertooth-potato @enrapturedbythemoon @cbarter @onemorebeautifulnightmare @born-in-19-96 @mainokutan @uh-i-think-its-frank @nikki082489 @qrangr @twdeadfanfic

#daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon imagine #daryl dixon x reader #Daryl Dixon fanfic #twd fanfiction #twd au #twd imagine #twd fanfic #the walking dead fanfiction #the walking dead imagine #the walking dead fanfic #collecting stories imagine #cs discography series

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pandawritespoorly · 5 years ago

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With Time: A Rainy Day - Chapter 1

Author’s Note: I have returned! *grand flourish* I missed you guys! I just couldn't get myself to write. Then I remembered that I had some random fics that I'd written that I could finally make use of! Woo! In case it hasn't become clear, this series isn't going to be posted super in order, though I will keep it chronologically order. I'm just kind of writing as it comes to me. Still working on deciding which reveal scenario I want to go with, but in the meantime, I have been working on an old idea that had to get scrapped to tide you over. It won't be canon to this series, but should be fun.

Anyway, let's get on with this story!

Summary: Marinette decides to patrol in the rain.

“Hey,” Claude calls from the front door, “Anyone know if Mari had plans tonight?”

Allan pauses as he’s scrolling through his phone on the couch. “Uhh, I think she was scheduled for patrol tonight, but given the rain, she probably stayed in. Why? You try t’ text her or something?”

“No actually. I just opened the door to a completely drenched and shivering Doodlebug.”

“She didn’t.” Allan stands, turning to look at the doorway.

Sure enough, Claude is shutting the door with his foot, carrying Marinette inside. The woman is completely soaked, shaking from the chill. The man can’t tell if she’s conscious or not.

Allegra looks up from where she’s piled herself in blankets on a chair. “She didn’t even use the balcony?”

“I guess not.” Claude looks at the designer. “I know using the front door is polite and all, but really, Mari.”

She just mumbles incoherently.

“She’d better have taken the elevator at least,” Allan mutters, “I’ll get the heated blankets.”

Allegra walks over, taking Marinette from them. “I’ll get her in some dry clothes. Good Kwami, she’s freezing. Marinette seriously.”

“Going out in this weather. I cannot believe it.” Pollen grumbles from her own spot near where Allegra had been.

Claude grins. “Bee-lieve?”

The Kwami doesn’t respond, cuddling closer into the blankets.

Allan returns. “I sent a text to Adrien. ‘e’s probably sleeping, but when he wakes up, at least he’ll know where she is.”

Allegra returns with Marinette, who is looking much better in some warm pajamas she’d left behind once. She’s still pretty out of it though.“Wayzz, Trixx, you guys want to help Tikki?”

The Ladybug Kwami is curled up on her chosen’s chest, not faring much better from their bout in the storm.

The two Kwamis float over, and Wayzz brings her over to where Pollen is still keeping warm. Allegra attempts to set her friend on the couch, but in her sickly state, she’s clingy, and won’t let go.

The blonde sighs. “Mari, honey, you’re adorable, and great, but you are freezing, and I refuse to hug you until your skin is at least back to normal.” When she doesn’t let go, Allegra looks up. “Claude get over here, you mammal,” She spits the word out, fake venom behind it, “With your warm-bloodedness, and ability to go out in the cold.”

“Oh, how dare I. Ma’am, you do realize you’re a human?” He teases, walking around the couch.

“A human who hibernates.”

“Hey, Bug, you gotta’ let her go. Ms. Bee here isn’t about to freeze because of your poor choices.” He reaches towards the drowsy girl, carefully separating her from Allegra. Marinette complies, grabbing for Claude instead.

“You’d better get comfortable, she’s not gonna’ let you go.” Allan approaches, plugging the heated blanket into the wall.

Claude adjusts himself slightly, letting Marinette rest on top of him. Allan tosses the blanket over the pair, and Claude gets out his phone taking a picture of the girl to send to Adrien, before going back to what he’d been doing before he’d heard her at the door.

Allan heads to the kitchen, and Allegra curls into her blankets further. She glares out the window at the rain that dared interrupt her spring day, before getting out her phone to text her girlfriend - if the expression on her face is anything to go by.

Claude mindlessly combs through Marinette’s damp hair with their fingers. After about an hour, the rain begins to let up.

“Claude, could you get her up?” Allan calls, “She’s got t’ eat something warm.”

“On it!” With that, he shifts, sitting up more so that Marinette would have a harder time sleeping comfortably. He shakes her shoulder gently. “Come on, you gotta’ get up now.”

She groans, moving a little, but not committing to anything.

Allegra glances up. “Mari, dear, get up or Mom will hit you with his shell again.”

That draws a reaction. Marinette jolts upward, ready to get up before her brain decides it isn’t putting energy into that anymore and she slumps, though upright now.

At the same time, Allan screeches, “That was one time, and an accident!!”

“What was an accident?” Adrien asks, having arrived through the balcony.

“I told Mari to get up or Allan would hit her with his shell again.”

“It was an acCIDENT!”

“Oh, yeah, that.” Adrien turns to Marinette. “So. You.”

Claude grins. “Yes. Her.”

The woman just mumbles feverishly. He shakes his head, walking over and picking her up, carrying her over to the kitchen and placing her in a chair.

“You baby her,” Allan teases, setting some soup down.

“At least I haven’t hit her wi-”

“Finish that sentence and all your food will be burned and bland for a month.”

Adrien raises his hands, turning and backing off.

“He doesn’t have the heart,” Claude chimes in, “He lasts two weeks at most, and even then he doesn’t-” He catches Allan’s expression. “-not that I’m trying to give you any reason to practice! Your threats are threatening, spare me please.”

“Felix says we’re all fools, but Marinette especially,” Allegra informs, having updated the other blonde on what’s going on.

“Well duh, what else would we be?” Claude rolls his eyes. “Oh, uh, someone might want to grab Nettie. Or her soup. Or both.”

Adrien and Allan both turn, the Cat holder supporting his Lady, while the turtle holder moves the bowl out of the ‘potential faceplant zone’.

Marinette did manage to eat a fair amount of soup, but now she’s slumped against Adrien, which, though more comfortable than a table, isn’t exactly what’s considered bedrest. Allan shakes his head affectionately, simply handing Adrien a bag holding a reusable container with more soup. The blonde pulls it over a shoulder, then scoops up his girlfriend.

“Time to get this one home. Bye guys!”

The group exchanges goodbyes, before Adrien transforms and heads out.

---

Author’s Note: 💜💜💜 Yes, there will be more of this, but it isn't finished yet. Once I can get myself to write this will get finished eventually. I meant to get something up yesterday, but I got distracted by getting sucked into an amazing game series. If any of you guys like puzzle games with some crazy mystery and creepy vibes, then the Cube Escape series is for you. I literally spent my entire day on that over skype with my friends. It's free, though the developers have other games that you can buy. Definitely reccomend! I know, I know, you're not here for my app recommendations (#NotSponsored, obviously). That said, I got sucked into Sky: Children of the Light, and all I'm going to say is that it's adorable and wholesome, and I'm going to stop talking about it now. (It’s a delight though, let me tell you) In writing news! (You know, what you're here for) I have another one-shot that I'll probably have posted in a few days. I wrote it a while ago, but now that the main story is over I can finally post it. I would have put it up today, but I figured I'd be nice. 😉💞💞💞💞 Love you guys! Stay safe!

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tcswritings · 5 years ago

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To the point.

I already posted this on the main blog but I feel like having it here, too! Patti and Daryl, finally getting to the point, after weeks of not daring to.

***

It was only this last Friday when Patti came to Daryl’s place, to pick him up, as the two had plans to attend a party of Daryl’s old school friend Ryan together. She somehow felt it was his way of half-asking her out for the first time, ever since they had agreed to take things slow and see where it all would lead, but the truth is that she couldn’t figure out his exact motives. It didn’t matter anyway. Both of them had been feeling some kinda way about each other for weeks now, so Patti couldn’t have been any more excited.

Unfortunately she had missed Daryl’s calls and his message while she was on her way and when she eventually arrived at his place, a woman with purple hair opened the door. Patti was confused, very much so, but the woman quickly introduced herself as “Daryl’s sister Davina”, probably picking up on Patti’s confusion. Relieved that the stranger was only the sister but even further confused about what she would do at her brother’s place just now, Patti stepped into the apartment, only to find out that Daryl was more or less knocked out by painkillers and rendered unable to attend the party, which he had tried to let her know while she was already on her way earlier.

When Daryl saw Patti all dolled up and beautiful, he felt terrible and urged her to go to the party anyway, as he knew that Orla and and the others would be there, too, and that there was no way that Ryan would make a fuss over a “stranger” showing up, but Patti refused. Daryl tried to argue but found himself too tired and weak to do so, so he let her stay. Davina said goodbye eventually, now that she knew that her brother was in very good hands.

Patti laid down next to her beloved friend, entertaining him with some funny anecdotes and reading silly things to him that she found on the web. She told him the story about how she and her sister Leah once tried to build their own bicycle out of old scrap parts, which made Daryl remember the plans he had made with Mick back at school, to build a motorised couch one day. Patti laughed at the thought of two grown up men driving a couch on wheels through Galway and Daryl admitted that, from time to time, he still dreams about doing it and that he sometimes misses the lighthearted things the gang was up to back in their earlier school days.

At some point Patti got hungry and ordered in some food and she also tried to get Daryl to eat, but he refused and merely told her to make herself at home in whatever way she wants. Patti looked down at him, full of concern. He looked plain miserable and she somehow felt that his condition wasn’t a first time occurence. She couldn’t put her finger on why she felt that way, but the way Davina had talked to Daryl, and how there seemed to be some sort of a routine to how she treated him - it all appeared strange to Patti but she would ask him later.

Daryl tried talking Patti into going to the party a few more times instead of getting bored watching him lay around (and he secretly hated that she saw him like this and that he had no power to do anything about it) but Patti had none of it so he gave up and, to be completely honest - he enjoyed her company despite his inner struggle.

At some point, past midnight, Daryl was sound asleep and Patti would fall asleep too, just like that, in her dress, next to him on his bed, holding his hand firmly in hers.

***

Patti needed a moment to orient herself when she woke up the next morning. She looked around, squinting a little at the light that fell through the blinds. This wasn‘t her apartment, she wasn’t in her own bed… oh… yeah, right. She remembered.

When she looked over to the other bedside, she found it empty. Still feeling sleepy but also not tired enough to turn around once more, she pushed the blanket off her (Daryl must have covered her at some point) got up and walked around the apartment, to eventually find her friend in the kitchen. He leaned against the counter, drinking water from a bottle. He must have come right out of the shower as his hair was wet and unusually droopy.

“Hey… looks like you feel better.” she smiled and walked up to him.

Daryl put the bottle away and smiled back, taking her hand and gently pulling her into in his arms. He looked down at her, his eyes gleaming with adoration.

“Much better.” he said but now that he had a closer look at Patti’s smudged make up, her wrinkled dress and her fallen-apart hairdo, he felt a bit bad again and pulled back a little. “You missed the party.”

Patti closed her eyes and shook her head before she beamed up at him again. “If I had wanted to go, I would have.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure. They couldn’t even have missed me, y’know. No one knew I was coming… unless you told everyone I’d come, that is.”

“Nah, I didn’t. Wanted to, but didn’t. Actually, I was still trying to come up with a reasonable explanation as to why I would bring you along to a party of a bloke you don‘t even know.”

“Ah well, that’s easy, isn’t it?” Patti mused, playing with a lock of his hair. “Ryan is your old friend, the gang was about to be together and you figured I might want to come, too? So I wouldn’t feel left out?”

“I’m not that considerate and they know that.” Daryl laughed. “Whatever. Not like it matters now.”

Patti merely smiled again and pulled Daryl into a sweet kiss. They held each other for a while, enjoying each other’s presence and warmth.

“Hey, so…” Patti muttered over Daryl’s shoulder a little while later. “What would you have told them about me showing up with you then?”

She pulled back a bit so she could face him again.

“I have no idea, really.”

“Hm. Okay, let me put it a little differently… why did you ask me to come along in first place?”

“Because I wanted you to come.” Daryl answered truthfully.

“And you wanted me to come… why exactly?”

“Is there, like, a wrong answer to this?”

“No? I’m just curious. It deemed me as pretty… datey.” Patti shrugged, pretending to be nonchalant about the situation but inside her, her heart was suddenly beating fast.

“Datey? That’s not even a word.”

“It is? I looked it up, the internet spat out an entry on Urban Dictionary.”

“Okay, I don’t even know what to say to that.” Daryl laughed and pulled Patti a little closer again. “I don’t know, Pat. I guess?”

“You guess what?” she breathed out.

“I guess you’re right, I asked you out. I really didn’t think a whole lot about it, I just wanted you to come and so I asked.”

“Then I’m asking you now… are you my boyfriend?”

Daryl pondered the question for a bit, Patti could tell.

“… I feel I’ve been for a while already? Maybe not really but… somehow?” he eventually said.

It’s true, Patti thought to herself. The way they had been acting around each other, the time they had spent together despite their plans to not to force anything between them… and also the times they had just sneaked around the next corner, to steal a hot kiss or two and the way they had still been getting along just as naturally as always, despite that - all of it hadn’t been forcing it, quite the opposite even. It all had felt just about right. And while she had never cared much about putting labels on anything, it did feel good to finally give it a name.

“I feel the same.” Patti agreed and beamed up at him.

They stood like that for a few more moments, smiling at each other sweetly in silent agreement until Patti broke the silence again.

“So, uh, you think I can hop under your shower for a bit?” she asked.

“Nice image… go on?” Daryl encouraged her, still smiling and caressing her cheek with his thumb.

“I really feel like getting rid of this dress-”

“I can help you with that?”

“- and my smudged make up, too.”

Daryl blinked in confusion.

“Wait… oh, you actually want to take a shower? That wasn’t dirty talk? Too bad.” He let out a little sigh in mock disappointment.

“Yeah, I actually want to take a shower, if you don’t mind. I feel a bit icky.” Patti laughed.

“You’re not, but go ahead.” Daryl shrugged as he let go of her so she could do what she wanted to do. “Have fun, how could I mind.”

He turned around to the counter and started gathering together some of the dishes that stood around. Patti watched him for a few moments, biting her lip and smiling a mischievous little smile that he couldn’t see.

“And, I dunno, we could maybe just go back to bed afterwards.” she suggested, while she pulled at the bobby pins in her hair.

“Nah, I’ve been awake since seven, I doubt I can go back to sleep just like that.” Daryl said while he put the dishes away, piece by piece.

“Okay? No problem, can’t force a man to go to sleep. I’ll be back in a bit.”

“Take your time, I’m gonna clean up in the meantime.”

“Alright, fine, do your thing then. Oh, and just for your information…”

“Hm?”

“… the ‘going back to bed’ part was dirty talk.”

#patti #daryl #datti #I had some other dialogue but I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED IT #and then I was pouty and never rewrote it xD

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wallstagram · 6 years ago

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wip progress update

hey guys!!

so every once in awhile, i’ll be doing a quick WIP update! i know that as an author, i love seeing how other authors are doing, esp when there’s a bit of a struggle involved. i just wanna be here for any other authors, to show that the writing process isn’t always cut and dry. this might be a wash, but if anything it will be a great encouragement to myself! if you are interested in supporting me and my writing process, feel free to read below the cut! (side note, I did take about a month break from writing, between finals and some health issues with my grandma!

1. HL Summer Exchange Fic

Word Count: Currently 11.6 k, will probably finish around 17k.

Timeline: I actually started writing this fic on March 13, and I imagine it will be completely finished by this time next week.

Thoughts: I am so excited for this fic! It has been a process for sure - a constant state of writing scenes and deleting them, trying to find what did the characters and the plot justice. Honestly, this fic would have gone absolutely nowhere without my amazing friend + beta nicole (@ireallysawanangel) and her sweet cheerleading and wonderful suggestions! There were many moments where I thought about giving up or scrapping what I had to move to an alternate prompt. But, working through this story has helped me grow as a writer.

2. Single by Choice (for HL Mpreg Fest)

Word Count: 1.1 k, will probably finish around 20 - 30 k.

Timeline: Started on April 29, haven’t added to it since! The due date is September 4, 2019.

Thoughts: I am in love with the prompt I have received for this fest, and am excited to just tackle it once I finish up HL Summer Exchange. I have the basic ideas of the fic outlined, and I have written part of the intro, but that’s all. Still trying to decide if it’ll be chaptered, a single piece, or a main piece with an epilogue. Many thoughts and decisions ahead, but right now I’m just so excited and ready to dive into this fluffy, sweet, fic!

3. if the stars weren’t aligned for us

Word Count: 6 k, expecting it to be ~ 30k.

Timeline: yikes. I started this one on February 11! But I have no timeline, as it is not for an exchange, and is more of a passion project!

Thoughts: I absolutely love this fic! I don’t want to reveal too much, but it is a baker!Harry and broadwaystar!louis (as peter pan duh!) au that absolutely no one asked for but I needed. My thought process was, if the stars didn’t line up the way they did for one direction, how would h+l still find each other? hence, the title. i can’t wait to share bits of this with you all!

4. rest it on my fingertips (cause i know you’re persuasive)

Word Count: 54 k posted, 57 k written, literally i have NO idea how much it’ll end at lmfao

Timeline: pretty sure this will be my forever wip, sadly. I started it on December 26, 2018, and my last edit on it was March 28 (the day after I posted the most recent chapter).

Thoughts: A little-known fact about this fic, is that when I started it, it was only supposed to be three chapters and around 15k. However, these characters have minds of their own! Jeeeeeesus. Thomas just still has a story to tell, and Louis needs to learn how to navigate life with Harry involved again. It’s just such a massive undertaking. I’m honestly overwhelmed by it right now, so it’s been on the back burner.

5. open me up like the textbooks on your desk

Word Count: 5 k, will probably finish around 20 k.

Timeline: I started this on January 28, and it was last edited on March 12 (whoops!). It’s not for a fest, so I have no solid timeline (are you sensing a theme here?? lol)

Thoughts: This is a story I want to just sit down and write, but I never seem to have time, between work, school, and all my other WIPs! Without revealing too much, it centers around a sexy love affair between post-grad student Harry, whose studying Sexology, and clinical psychologist Louis, who is doing research on pansexuality. Sexy and fun, and I can’t wait to write the rest!

6. (i’ll make this feel like) home

Word Count: 2 k posted, 4 k in my drafts, no idea when it’ll end.

Timeline: this is the real forever WIP. I started it on February 4, 2018, and last edited on February 28, 2018

Thoughts: This story isn’t written yet, because it’s heavy aand I am so scared I’m gonna fuck it up. It mirrors the political climate of 2018, with themes of deportation and activism. it’s ABO, and i’m in love with it, but I don’t want to do a topic this important a disservice.

7. Queer Eye (for HL TV Show Fic Fest)

Word Count: -

Timeline: due November 2019

Thoughts: I am currently working on my outline for this fic, and I am SO EXCITED to combine queer eye + one direction. more details to come!!

Looking ahead: I also have tentative ideas for an X Factor fic, and a Bed&Breakfast fic! Maybe they’ll be outlined or started next time I do a WIP update!

If you read this far, thank you for supporting me and my writing! Also, shoutout to anyone who has even remotely supported me with this process, including @ireallysawanangel, @sisqueer, @tommosgun, @runaway-train-works, @amarixx, and my sweet friend tumblrless kenzie! Here’s to hoping I finish some of these soon! Haha

#warmcuppatea #warmcuppatea ao3 #hlplease #WIP update #larry fanfic #work in progress #things i write #about things i write #my fics #larry fanfiction

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rhys-ravenfeather · 3 years ago

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More on Myth City (and my stories in general)

First of all--yeah, I’m on a bit later today. Just got back from a counseling appointment because goodness knows I needed to get some stuff off my chest.

Now, that being said, like I said, I had kind of an epiphany yesterday at work, after spending most of the morning pushing myself to work on a Myth City page that I ended up scrapping because it didn’t look good to me, just to meet a self-imposed deadline. I started this comic for fun. Well, for fun, and with the agreement to myself that it was a way of practicing my art. But with the way I was pushing myself to get this and that done--’oh, I HAVE to finish inking and coloring it today, so I can finish it up and get it posted by tomorrow!’, it felt more like a chore than something I was doing because I genuinely wanted to. After all, no one is making me work on this comic but me, and it’s not even something I’m really in love with anymore anyway.

There have even been times where I’ve toyed around with the idea of cancelling the comic because of that, and how stressful it can be sometimes. But at the same time, I don’t really want to--partly because, seeing as some of the characters started out as muses in my FNAF AU (Maverick, Parker, etc.), and how I just love ALL my characters, it just felt kind of...wrong? Just up and ditching them like that. But my other, bigger reason for not wanting to ditch the comic is because, well...I kind of feel like I owe it to myself to see it through to the end.

I started this comic a little over three years ago, when I wasn’t at a good point in my life, and in a way it feels like if I just up and scrap it, it would have been all for nothing. Heck, with the fact that things have become even more uncertain since 2016/2017, in a way working on the story has kind of become one of the only ‘real’ constants in my life. So I finally decided...I’m going to continue this comic and see it through to the end...but I’m probably going to start taking it on a more case-by-case basis. I already agreed with myself that the story is going to end up being a LOT shorter than I originally planned, and for now, I’m going to keep working on a new page every other week until Volume 2 is finished (after Chapter 8). And depending on how things go, Volume 3 will likely be the last one...and honestly? I’m fine with that. Like I said, part of the reason I started this story was for art practice, and hopefully by the time I get around to my next story, Weird World, I’ll be at a point, both in my artistic skill, and just my overall well-being, that I’ll be...probably not an expert, but fully confident in my artistic skill from beginning to end.

I am, however, going to be canceling In-Between, the short story I had originally planned to do, well, in-between Myth City and Weird World. Given that it was pretty much just going to be a side thing serving as a prequel to both stories, it isn’t like I was really OBSESSED with the story, anyway.

But hey! That just means that I get to introduce you guys to the Weird World characters earlier than I’d originally planned...I figure, after finishing up Volume 2 of Myth City, I can draw the main WW characters while figuring out Volume 3 of MC, to give you guys some content while the story is on hiatus.

But yeah, again, I’m not going to force myself to do anything--I still have (technically TWO) jobs, and real-world responsibilities to take care of. Also, like I said, I gave myself burnout once in highschool juggling a bunch of projects at once...not. Fun.

N E way, gonna get back to blogging now...

#rhys-ravenfeather signing in #just an fyi...#yeah like i said i'll TRY to give you guys two myth city updates week after next to make up for not doing one today but i make no promises

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danielshar · 7 years ago

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First Feature Film - Update #16

The updates I have on SCRAPS are few but significant, so this should be shorter and sweeter than many of the previous posts surrounding this movie.

For starters, we had a wonderful turnout for our LA premiere at Downtown Independent on August 8th. I didn’t take any pictures that night, but here are two I snagged at the tech check.

Good-looking venue, huh? Overall, I was happy with the response, but I was thrown by how quiet this audience got during some of the more serious and dramatic parts. The crowds in Chicago and NYC had continued to laugh at the intended moments of comedic relief sprinkled in throughout those scenes, but LA did not seem to go for those as much, so I did spend certain stretches of this screening mentally spiraling and worrying that I had lost everybody. Thankfully, by the end, the laughs were back to being frequent and strong, and some of the conversations I had afterward made me more comfortable with the idea that laughter shouldn’t be the only metric used to gauge whether this movie can keep viewers interested and entertained.

Quick sidebar: as it pertains to trying to maximize the laughs you’re getting on screen, here’s a markedly unfunny piece I wrote on the main advice I have for anyone hoping to direct improv on camera.

Switching gears again, about five weeks after our LA premiere, I received the updated sound mix, which I was finally able to review a few days later. All of the trouble spots we’d noticed during the screenings had been cleaned up nicely, and it felt great to email our wonderful sound editors to thank them once again for all of their hard work - this time without any more notes or requests.

So, what now? I’m not totally sure. I’m mostly just trying not to freak out about the seemingly endless variety of distribution routes we could take, or the (entirely self-imposed) pressure I feel to make the “right” choice, even though I intellectually understand that there probably isn’t one. Accordingly, my main goal at this point is to remain both proactive and patient.

Lastly, this almost certainly isn’t how this is done, but if making SCRAPS has taught me anything, it’s that you’d be surprised what’s possible if you just try, so I am gonna go ahead and give this a shot: if any of you know anyone who might be able to help us get this movie on Netflix, please introduce me, and I will pay you a small percentage of any resulting licensing deal (and/or give you some sort of producer credit on the film if you like).

Whether you've got a lead on that, or you have other questions/comments, or you’d like to be among the first to know when this movie becomes available, please email [email protected]. I swear we won’t bother you from that account unless we have a fun reason to do so.

As always, thank you for reading, and I hope to be back soon with more news to share that’s even shorter and sweeter.

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realmotionxi-blog · 7 years ago

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Kanye West - YE Album Review/Reaction | The Cassius Morris Show

what's happening guys, thank you for tuning in to yet another album review. This is an album. I've been really looking forward to getting into digging into it's controversial, its bombastic. It'S a whirlwind: it is Kanye, West's eighth studio, album entitled ye. This album was a little while in the making we haven't had a new record since 2016, from Kanye, with the incredible release of the life of Pablo and leading up to this release was a huge amount of controversy, things being stirred up about Kanye in the press. So we're gonna jump into all that in just a moment now this album was part of a good music album roll out where there was going to be an album, I believe, every other week or once every week it started with push a T. Next was yeah, the album next is gonna, be Kid Cudi and Kanye teaming up for kids see ghosts which is supposedly coming out this week or the next next is going to be NAS and to finish off the set, it will be t Anna Taylor with What I believe is her debut record and if you don't know her, that's the girl from the Kanye West fade music, video but yeah. So I think it's pretty cool how good music is rolling out this calculated approach with putting out some albums, and I think that they're, seeing that there's a lot of competition, especially this summer, and I think good music is trying to get a pretty firm grasp on Summer 2018. So it's interesting to see that approach running with that theme, I think it's cool, seeing Kanye, embrace the newer style of producing music and I'll, explain to you why we all know that nowadays, a career lasting 10 years in the rap game in and of itself is Incredibly, incredibly rare, it's scarce, it's something you don't really see something. That'S even more rare is probably having had a career for 10 years or more and still remaining relevant for years to come, and that is something that Kanye West has managed to do. Kanye also followed an interesting formula with this studio album. He considers it a studio album, but it's only 7 songs and I think Connie has been looking around and seeing that a lot of the most successful, mixtapes and EPS coming out and current hip-hop are six to seven songs, no filler pure killer, just insane shit crazy, Beats crazy bars, crazy, hooks straight to the point in and out, and I really like that approach because it cuts out the nonsense. It cuts out the filler. You know. Of course, people are making albums where you know they're making the album an hour and 40 minutes. Just so that they can keep getting more songs to get more streams and make more money, Kanye isn't fucking with any of that, he's just doing his thing, and I really think it's cool to follow that model also of another way that Kanye is keeping up with The current trends, especially in rap and with with the younger generation, because he seems to be so in tune with it, my man turned on the trollin up to a thousand. He skipped a hundred. He skipped. Five hundred my man turned that notch up to a thousand with the trolling the trolling Kanye West has been doing, is insane nothing short of genius, and let me put it to you this way. The the main part of the trolling here was the poop scoop song. Now I will touch on this leading up to this album as a very outspoken Kanye West fan out in public, and I never let my love for an artist blind or make me bias towards any body of music. If I love an artist and they release a poor body of work, I will say exactly that. However, I've been a public champion of Kanye cuz he's one of my biggest inspirations. One of my biggest goals is to work with Kanye in one capacity or another. I think he's just fantastic and to see him dragged through. The media, like he has been in the last couple of weeks, was really really tough as a public fan and when he released that song called lifts yourself. Where, if you don't know he comes on, and he literally says scoop poop or whatever it's a bunch of crap, just a bunch of absolute nonsense, I got to say as a really big yay fan. All I could think was this album better, be fucking good, because this guy is going to ruin his career. The only possible rhyme or reason that I can come up with for that trolling song, that we so out of left field and so strange seeming to the point where most of his big fans, such as even myself, can't really describe it. The only possible thing I can think of is that yeh was simply fuckin with all of us and wanted to prove the point that he can make a ton of money and get on the Apple music charts, no matter what he puts on a song. I also think it could have been a commentary on how shitty hip-hop music has become, because there are. There are songs on the Billboard list right now, where I cannot believe my eyes or my ears that they're on there, so you know Kanye also probably walked away with a cool three and a half million dollars from that song. Just from people clicking on Apple, music or Spotify to hear the stream out of curiosity and then sending it to their friend streams, make money regardless of what's in the stream, and it's just like all these people on Instagram all these clowns who were chasing clout. You know all these people who are doing these outrageous shenanigans, half their comments, say fuck, you you're a piece of shit, but it's still a comment which boosts their posts, which boost their views, which both boost their money and people have started to figure out. It doesn't matter what the fuck I do if I can bring that attention in those eyes towards me. I'M gon na make a lot of this. I'M gon na make a lot of green, so I think it was. Hopefully it was a commentary on that. That is, that is the only possible thing I could have. I could have taken out of that now. The album was originally entitled, love everyone. That was the title that Kanye originally picked and the cover photo for this record was originally Jan Adams, who is the surgeon who operated on Kanye West's mother the day before she passed away, and I believe the surgery that was actually performed on her did lead to Her passing so recipes dawn to west, of course, and Jen the surgeon once finding out that Kanye wanted to use this photo for the album cover posted an open letter online, strongly urging and almost borderline pleading Kanye to change his mind and not use his photo. As the album cover now, apparently they got in contact. Apparently they worked it out because evidently Kanye did not use a photo of this surgeon on the album cover. But the idea of that was because Kanye wanted this album and I think he has achieved that with this album to be a commentary on forgiveness and love, and his point with that was to show that his forgiveness, his peace of mind that he's found is so So strong that not only can you forgive the man who indirectly was responsible for the passing of his mother, but he can give him glory on the cover of his amazing album as the ultimate sign of forgiveness. I think it's interesting. I understand the point, but I certainly think the current album cover is better. I think it's a better fit and, according to Kim Kardashian Kanye shot the new album cover on his iPhone on the way to the album release party, which is crazy to me. So that leads me to wonder: was there another cover? That was an alternative that he scrapped while he was on the way to the partying just said: fuck it throw this in the garbage or was was there no cover? I mean, I don't know, I don't think we'll ever know now about the album release party. This album release party was held by Kanye in Jackson's Hole. Wyoming, I think it's Jackson, Hole, Jackson's, hole, kind of sounds like a sexual thing and a lot of celebrities showed up and showed out for this shit, including Big Sean 2 Chainz. I think it was hosted by Chris Rock, I don't think Ti showed up, but there was quite a few celebrities. Ty dolla sign came through a lot of people came through out to Wyoming to go check things out at this release party, and there was actually a lot of interviewers youtubers and content creators from the internet there as well and Kanye's did a lot of interviews. That would act that were actually similar to the style of interview that I do and I thought it was so there was just something about seeing him in that seat. Doing an on location interview with somebody with microphones and cameras that went to this event in Wyoming to do this. It just showed me that this is possible like this. What I've wanted to do with Kanye for the longest time, and he is open to doing that once you build enough of a platform, you know a lot of people won't even sit down with someone like that, under any circumstances, so to see that Kahn you'll do It is cool, and you know, as I mentioned off the top. One of my top goals is to work with Kanye West. In some capacity, I would love to work on music with him one day, but the ideas that I have to work with Kanye go way way. Past music. You know, I think that I can really feel where he's coming from. I feel like I understand the way his mind works when it comes to art and the passion for that art I feel like. I can really relate to that intense emotional passion he has for it, and you know I've had similar ideas, but the album release party was really cool, they had a bonfire, there were roasts and s'mores, everybody was outside and they were, they were blasting. Then the new album - and you know I think Wyoming - is a really cool place for Kanye. He seemed to have found peace of mind out there and it seems to have given him a lot of good creative vibe. So, let's jump in to the record go straight to the track by track, because there's only seven songs on this, but I'm gon na try to give as much good commentary as I can. The first tune on the album is called. I thought about killing you and, of course, right away. People are wondering, what's this all about you know, and it's a really ear catching title and the music at the beginning is really ear catching. It'S a really good way to start the album. It'S basically the beginning is a spoken word piece, contemplating the age-old concept of light versus dark, good versus bad, and you know just the concept of the parallels between these two thoughts, the similarities and how they really intertwine with one another. This song is basically the definition of free thought when listening to it, I I could really tell that Kanye created this piece, specifically because this goes for the rest of the album, but this piece specifically was created with zero outside influence. If Kanye would have thought about how even one person would take this the wrong way and let that get to him, it would have affected this product. He really turned on the free thought. You know he says things like people tell you can't say this or say that just say it all out loud see how it feels, and you know Kanye believes from what he said now that there should be more emphasis on feeling than anything else. And if that's how you truly feel, then that's what should be conveyed. So that's that's sort of sort of what he's bringing up here and he's not saying I'm going to kill you he's not saying I made plans to kill you he's not saying I'm coming to kill you. He said I thought about killing you today and it leads you to examine that thought. Is that a bad thought is that? Is it evil to think that is evil to think anything at all, because at the end of the day, these thoughts just come into our heads? Are we to blame for these thoughts? It leads you to ask a lot of questions about the similarities between dark and light. Some people open up the possibility that he could have been talking about Kim Kardashian, especially due to the line saying you'd only care enough to kill someone. You love, I don't subscribe to that idea. I don't think that's accurate. I think Kanye was definitely, in my opinion, trying to give commentary on a much broader idea, and I don't think he would. He would be discussing her it just it doesn't quite make sense to me, but just again, a really interesting commentary on freedom of thought and the honesty to come out and say something that a lot of people have probably experienced and would never even be able to Say you know out in public when the beat drops on this song? It just changes everything it sets. It sets a mood. Kanye sounds hungry, he sounds hungry as hell. He sounds like he's, trying to prove a point and he was on this album. You know, like I mentioned when all this stuff was going on with Kanye leading up to this. I was thinking this album better, be fucking good, because this is insane and he might crash and burn. I think that was the vibe he had to so I think that he really wanted to just jump right in and show them I'm still yay. I can still fuck the beat up. I can still do something really original. I can talk about freedom of thought without making it preachy, while also giving you some hotbars over some 808, I'm a huge fan of this track, so I thought it was really creative, really groundbreaking and really interesting. One of the last parts that I can mention on this, the line goes quote how you gon na hate nigga we go way back to when I rock the braids and you had the wave cap drop, a pin for the fade and I'm on my way ASAP. Don'T get sucked in the mouth you know homie, don't play that now. Of course, Kanye West famously used to Brock is braids in his hair before he was famous at least as a mainstream. Rapper jay-z has always been known for rocking the wave caps. So I wonder, does this have anything to do with jay-z and him? I know that this album was scrapped after Kanye went on, TMZ live and it was rewritten and reproduced completely from what I understand. So that would mean that Kanye and Jay over the past month have still been having difficulties and that's contrary to what I've heard. I heard that they started to smooth things over. So part of me hopes this isn't about jay-z, but I think that it's it's more than likely that it is the next tune is called yikes and I thought it's a pretty cool title for the song, but I didn't quite say yikes, because yikes has a bit Of a negative undertone to it, I'm more said wow when I heard this song. This is just really unique. It'S it's just so Kanye, it's just so it's just it's classic to me, and I know the word classic is often thrown around and overused, but the type of cadence and flow that he uses on this, I think, is classic Kanye on the hook which, by the Way, I will throw this in hot 97 claimed yesterday, that Drake wrote the hook for this song, but it's not credited by good music due to the creative differences that have been going on, which i think is to be quite frank, incredibly petty. But that's that that's a whole different story that we're gon na get to it'll in a minute about the Drake thing, but I really think Kanye needed a song like this right now it's got the aggressive energy, it's got the sick beat it's got everything you really Need Kanye also looks on the hook at his life from a different perspective than from the first song in the first song, he seems to sort of be in a state where he's just letting his consciousness come in and out of his head stream through without any Interruption he's comfortable with all of his thoughts, he's letting them all flow freely and on this song he opens it up, saying: listen, she can get medicine. Sometimes I scare myself. Maybe I should find help. You know he's contemplating all these things and he's not comfortable with it. He'S he's in a state where he's questioning he's questioning whether he's comfortable he's questioning whether he's safe he's questioning whether he's doing the right thing, and I think that that was a really interesting commentary. On bipolar, you know one second he's accepting he's feeling like he's letting his consciousness stream through with no interruptions and the next minute he's doubting and he's in a completely different mood and scared. He acknowledges trolling on this song. Like I said, the trolling is out of control and I think he did a insane job on that, as he always does. I think the bass in this song needed to be mixed or mastered higher. This is such a great song. It'S probably the nastiest loosest wildest song on this album and it doesn't have that bass thump that it needs, and I wonder if, since Kanye scrapped the album after TMZ and had this creative burst and made a new album in in two-and-a-half weeks. If points on the album, where more detail or attention to detail could have been put, I think it suffered in that in that way, I think that if he maybe would have taken a little longer, he probably would have noticed the bass wasn't as high as it Could have been and raised it because, if I'm noticing that I certainly would have expected Kanye to notice that the musical genius that he is so I will throw that in and the other thing I found really interesting about this there's two things. The first thing is Kanye talking about his use of different psychedelic drugs. He mentions 2cb, of course, which I believe is, is a chemical in ecstasy. I know at MDMA is his own thing, but I think it has to do with ecstasy, and I do know that DMT is dimethyltryptamine, which is arguably the most powerful psychedelic on the play. And when you smoke this substance, which I personally haven't, you have an out-of-body experience in ass. What many describe as a spiritual experience for 10 to 13 minutes and you quite literally from what I understand, leave earth and have people can have incredible. Epiphanies mind-opening experiences and a whole new, mostly positive perspective on the world. It can also go for the worst, but but the majority of people when use properly in the right setting for the right reasons, you can get a very positive effect from this. It sounds like Kanye has been affected by positive psychedelic trips. It'S interesting to think about the amount of geniuses that that take these drugs and have taken these drugs through their lives, who have also had struggles with mental health and how that plays into not only their genius but but their personal struggles as well. So I throw Kanye in that category. I certainly had no clue that he had an interest in heavy psychedelic, drugs or opioids, like the ones that he'd mentioned in his interviews. Talking about his addictions, how he was doing fentanyl. He was up to almost seven pills a day. You know I'm learning a lot of new shit about easy right now that I had no clue - and you know some people - I think - aren't gon na feel too great about that. But I feel amazing about it because he's being completely honest, he's telling the truth he's he's I mean you can't really argue with that. You just can't the last part on this song that really caught my ear, just a different title type, a leader we could be in North Korea. I could smoke with Wiz Khalifa. You know, I think, he's using that line to kind of say that him and Wiz are sort of seen as enemies, but he could. He could link up with him. Of course, Kanye West's had a pretty long relationship with Amber Rose, they broke up and then amber married Wiz Khalifa and is now divorced, but it was Khalifa's baby mama, so there's been tension there. There was a Twitter feud with which ended in a phone call between the two of them and it's never been cool, but I think again playing on the theme of forgiveness. I think that's why he named route 2 is Khalifa, but I don't think was his answer to that and I can't expect that he will. I got it, but really solid tune from Kanye hasn't gotten old to me. Yet the next song is called all mine, and this is a strikingly unique song which showcases the fact that often times less is more the vocals in the beginning and on the hook are by Jame, and I was wondering who the hell does he vocals? Because it's just so out of left field and like something that I've I haven't heard at least in a very long time, and it's over this tremendous thumping bass. That'S just going insane and you know I listen to the bass on this song and other songs on this album, and that makes me wish you know. Maybe the base on yikes could have been louder. I wish there could have been consistency with that. You know that you can probably tell it that's pissing me off, but that full body thumping bass mix with that treble that's the only or the hi-hat. So I guess that's the only elements in this song musically and it's really interesting to hear that it's very minimal music wise, but the voices are being used to their full potential as instruments and I'll. Never forget this one of the the most insightful things that I heard about music, especially about rap music, was from jay-z and this fantastic inspirational interview. He did there's tons of them on YouTube and he was talking about how his approach in his belief in making hip-hop is that the voice needs to be just as much of an instrument as everything else in the mix. It'S not to be viewed differently. It'S just to be viewed as another instrument so to hear the way that they used ty, dolla, sign's, voice, Jermaine's voice and Kanye's voice through this to make tons of different instrumental ranges with the voice over such little music and make. It still feel like such a huge song was just killer. You know the way, Kanye rode that beat just so cool you know so classic it kind of reminds me of the lyrics and hell of a life or something just a fucked up, Kanye thinking about sex. Just a classic perverted, Kanye song, you know it's just comical, it's just it's something that he needs on: every album, playful references to Donald Trump's, cheating scandal, and I think that that the stormy Daniels thing was his little way of giving Donald Trump a tip of the Hat on the album, I think he really wanted to do that. He also mentions Chris Rock scandal and Tristan Thompson's relationship issues with his sister-in-law, Khloe Kardashian, so calling a lot of shots on this and you know not really pulling any punches, but this song incredibly unique. So diverse and just really out of left field, I'm just. I was so happy to hear this on Kanye's album. So I give that a really good review the next tune. Song number four is called wooden leave and this is a song discussing Kanye's, mostly his futuristic thinking, but what comes with that wishes, difficulties, communicating his ideas and how it affects his relationships with his wife, his friends, his family and just anybody around him and including his Fans but but this song is, I wouldn't say it's about the fans. I'D say it's just about his friends, his loved ones, and that's that's something that is apparent on a couple songs on this album and you know I think, back to the first tune. He does say I love myself way more than I love you and on a few moments on this album. I really feel that, and I feel that Kanye is doing this for Kanye and he's doing it for his family. This is for him. This is for him. So I definitely felt that, on this song, the vocals in the beginning and throughout the hook is actually partynextdoor, which I didn't notice at all parties really switching up his style. He sort of had the same kind of sound where, if you were to ask someone to do an impersonation of partynextdoor, they could do it. It would always be the same kind of kind of thing, but he's really stretching his wings here, and I was impressed with that. However, the part where Kanye comes in and sings - but I know you wouldn't leave it kind of - sounds like the humming that artists do in the booth to find the melody for the song. But you know they go back and they fill in the lyrics later. It kind of sounds like he's just humming the words I know she wouldn't leave instead of fully saying them. That makes me wonder, was he still toying with the melody I mean this album was made in such a short amount of there's a lot of variables that could have happened, but this is definitely my least favorite hook on the album. I'M not crazy about this hook. At all, it's just, but but there's nothing really else you could have put on it and I, like the rest of the song. It'S definitely gon na affect my rating of the overall album, because it's only seven songs, not my my favorite, but I do like the lyrics he's spinning. I really like am talking about how he thinks he's thinking. Like George Jetson, you know he's talking about his futuristic thinking that kind of gave me visuals to the 808 syn heartbreaks era of Kanye, which actually seems more relevant now than it does than it did. When it came out. You know the style he was promoting at that time, which again lends to his futuristic thinking and vision. But you know something kind of struck me with this and it's that Kanye's making a song where it's almost like, and I don't know if he's really doing it - to play the play to the audience interview in any way. But if he was, this would sort of be playing like have some sympathy for Kanye due to the situation he's in, and you know I'm thinking about he's talking about his wife and how she's so upset by what he said and he had to calm her down And stuff, he also says you know the. I said slavery use a choice. They said how yay and just the whole thing here, just rubs me the wrong way. You know, you said slavery is a choice and they said how yay this didn't happen four years ago. This happened a couple of weeks ago, I see 95 percent of the public is still wondering how yay it's gone from house way to hell yeah. I don't know what the fuck he's talking about. That'S what a lot of people are saying now. I will throw in my two cents on his TMZ live interview in that clip. Kanye talks about y'all were there for 400 years. That sounds like a choice, sounds like a choice to me, see we're mentally in prison. That'S what he said, and then he says this really fast part at the end, talking about Holocaust Jews, Jews, blacks, black slavery, Jews, Holocaust and he just sort of models. His words they're on TMZ, live after dropping this huge statement, slavery was a choice. What he actually says there in that muddled statement he says I actually like to use the word prison, because the word slavery is too direct to blacks, Jews, Holocaust in Black's slavery, and he tripped all over his words about delivering that statement. He said that statement in the clip in question. I don't want to use the word slavery. I prefer the word I like the word. He said I like the word prison, because slavery is too direct to Black's. So if you want to sit here and be thick-skulled and try to look me in the eye and tell me that Kanye is talking about the black situation and he's not trying to build a bigger point to discuss the mental slavery of our society, I believe you Are a small-minded person who was likely being fed information by the media and believing it because the fact of the matter is that he said it right there now, regardless of anything, I would also like to throw in that Kanye has every right to believe whatever he Wants that is a First Amendment protected right that he has the right to believe and say what he pleases. But let me make it very, very clear. Folks, Kanye West had a distinct responsibility to explain clearly exactly what he meant, because not everybody as a matter of fact, most people will not will not take the time to listen to his muddled explanation at the end that he quickly went over and decipher it and Slow it down and think about what it actually means and apply something that sounds literal to a bigger picture that thought process is not going on with 95 % of the people watching you another factor: I've watched hours and hours and hours of Kanye interviews. I know how his mind works at least creatively. I understand how his mind works. I understand the way that he looks at ceptin flips them around and his folk different philosophies on different things. He had the song new slaves on yeezus took quite a few years. Back 2014 he's been talking about the concept of slavery for a long time, and but the understand that I have the luxury of understanding that, because I'm a fan so that it's not gon na bother me the same way. But we need to remember - and Kanye really needs to remember that 95 % of the people who see him on TMZ live. That'S probably the only time all year that they will hear or see. Kanye West speak in any capacity whatsoever and most of them probably won't even listen to any of his music and only know him from an appearance like an award show or TMZ live. So when you go on a platform like that, you have a distinct responsibility to be very clear and concise, with what you're talking about, because otherwise you're putting your fans and, as Kanye, observe your friends and your family and your loved ones in a bad situation. So that's my thoughts on that. You know, and you know we could go on all day about that kind of stuff. I want to focus on the music, but I'm not I'm not jumping on the feel bad for Kanye train right now, because he has some explaining to do and I think he owes some people an explanation on what the hell he's trying to trying to say. Right now, this song, though the instrumental really cloudy 808 inspired, beat it would fit in on wash the throne. It sort of reminds me of the production on something like made in America, and you know it's a good song. It makes me think about my family. You know, and I think that that shows that he did a really good job, making it personal, because it's so personal to his family, that I can feel does that family vibe and I apply my own situation to it. So I think he did a pretty good job on in this song, but I would really like some more explanation from Kanye to make my life easier at least a little bit. Next, one is called no mistakes, . The hook on this is by Charlie Wilson pairing up with Kid Cudi to create a tremendous gold dust sounding classic just hook, which is just killer. I had a lot of trouble understanding what they were saying on this hook. I now understand he's saying: make no mistake girl. I still love you in terms of Kim Kardashian, so it's a follow up on the last song. Carne doubles down assuring Kim that he really loves her. It'S a perfect blend of that classic and new sound with the Charlie Wilson vocals with Kid Cudi on there and also Kanye kind of sounds like old Kanye. But one thing I've noticed about this album is that anytime, that it sounds like the old Kanye, whatever. That'S even supposed to mean at this. At this rate, it also sounds current. It doesn't sound dated which is really interesting, and I think that that's something that so many artists who get caught in the I miss the old insert name here thing they can't come close to that, because I think that that affects their minds so much but Konya Doesn'T seem like he's in a position to be affected by anything or anyone and there's a reason that why, on his big whiteboard that he was tweeting while he was preparing these albums, he had it written yay. The spiritual awakening, I believe, Kanye's had a spiritual awakening. Kanye seems wide awake. He seems, like his eyes, are wide open. I don't like using the word woke because there's too many dumb people who think they're woke and will say, they're woke. I want to let you know this right now. If you have to tell someone you're woke, I can guarantee you're, not you're only woke. If somebody tells you you're woke before you say it, I'm just throwing it out there. Folks cuz just stop using it, just let if with people start calling. You woke at that point: you're woke you can't assign woke to yourself. Okay, that's just that's just a little PSA for all you fuckers out here, but yay reflects on the difficulties he's been facing since being millions and millions of in debt. I believe he was over. Fifty million dollars in debt, he shouts out his boys. He says all my dogs who say down we up again and just the classic Kanye West's creativity with those samples man. I thought that sample was an old Paul McCartney that believe it or not. In the background turns out is actually Slick, Rick and it didn't sound like a rap song to me, it sounded like a rock song to me, so I thought that was that was cool to find out. This is the tune where he has a potential Drake diss. The line goes too close to snipe. You truth told I, like you too, bold to type you too rich to fight you calm down, you light-skinned, so Clute too close to snipe. You was interesting because, from what I understand, Kanye and Drake are neighbors over in Calabasas literal neighbors, so to be sending a dish shop at your neighbor through an mp3 file feels kind of weird to me to begin with truth told I, like you, I know Kanye Likes Drake I've watched tons of interviews where Kanye talks about Drake and he has a reverence for him and I will almost go as far to say. I do believe that Kanye looks up to Drake musically because he himself has said that Drake EC's him as his biggest competition, with the way that he can reach the youth, and I believe, Kanye admires that if Kanye is saying that about you, it's a big thing. So I know he likes some calm down. You light-skinned, I'm not a fan of this light-skinned hate tip. That'S been going on because of push of T. You know lights I mean. Obviously all I got ta tell you. Is this man ask your girlfriend light skins are popping right. Now I got to tell you your your girl will tell you, but I, like this song, the last rumor was that Drake had released or recorded a diss track that he didn't want to release, because it would be too harmful to Drake and Pusha T's career and Potentially end Kanye's career now I will comment on that quickly. It seems unlikely to me it does seem unlikely, because it's too easy to say after the fact - and I did see some people talking about this online. How are you gon na end, Kanye's career when evidently Kanye can't even and Kanye's career, because that seems like he's been trying, so I'm a huge Drake fan, I'm just gon na stay away from that, because I love Drake and I don't want to talk about one Of my favorites potentially taking an L, so let's move on to one of the most revered songs from yeh coming to the end of the album ghost town. This features three amazingly skilled artists who just came together for a blend of epic proportions. This has Kanye Kid Cudi, John Legend and oh seven, Oh shake and man just an insane insane huge grand song, the John Legend vocals in the beginning, just sound like some sort of classic Otis Redding or something that's the only thing. I could really compare it to a couple of sources are saying that partynextdoor is actually the vocals on this, and I don't believe that I believe the sources that are saying is John Legend just cuz. It doesn't quite sound like party to me, but hopefully I'm not wrong Kid. Cudi'S vocals in the beginning are nearly off-key he's singing in this really wide shaky key that feels like it could fall off the rails at any moment, but it works and it works really really well and since it feels like it could fall off the rails. It has this emotional grip on you and I you know, I lend my ear to him and I just was so curious to see what he had to say next, when I first heard this especially it's like a story, it's like a scene in a movie, this Song - it's just it takes you through a journey that I truly can't describe. The song takes on a whole new life when is joined by singer. Oh 7, no shake for a feature I haven't heard of this singer before, and I actually thought that this might have been SIA on this feature because Kanye doesn't credit the features on here or somebody he's worked with in the past by the name of Caroline Shaw. But this is a new name to me, so I was really had a huge smile on my face to hear that the world is falling in love with the new artists, especially because she got a big break on Kanye's album. I'M sure she's going to be getting calls and emails through the now that she's got this exposure and it's gon na be all kinds of feelings of you know. You didn't want me before now. Everybody'S hitting me up, but I think it's well-deserved, especially in the saturated music game, to hear a really talented voice come through always makes me smile. So I think this is potentially the climax of the album it's just it's just insane. The production on this has taken a new heights when she starts singing about how she feels like she's free for the last time, Kanye adds a spaceship and it's sort of like Tron, like shooting sound effects and spaceship sound effects, sounds like a video game where you're Getting the high score in an old 80s game, it's just it's just epic, it's of epic proportions. He also has that low, plunging guitar / keyboard effect, which he coined Kanye coined that sound. That is the Kanye sound and even if I would have heard this and he wouldn't have sang on it or rapped on it, I woulda known Kanye produced this, because that that guitar keyboard plunge was what I'll choose to call. It is just so one-of-a-kind and that, and it's just it takes it back to the My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy days, where Kanye just was rewriting the game and again it shows how it's a futuristic approach, because that that shit still works. So I think that this song is gon na go really far for this album. I think it's gon na win some kind of award for sure in 2018 and fun fact this that this song, ghost town or the title ghost town was actually written under Kid. Cudi'S album on Kanye's large whiteboard, with all the album's laid out. So I'm not sure if it was this song with him on it like this or if it was a different version of the song. But I'm glad to ended up on this album and it really was one of the cherries on top and just like that, we're at the end of the album. It feels like such a quick album to listen to because it's there's so much substance in so much diversity. It really just disappears in the blink of an eye, and it ends off with a song called Violent Crimes. This tune is, it has a hook which is sung by by a female there's male voices mixed in the background, but it's a female sung hook, which is sung in sort of the tone of a lullaby, it's very soothing. It creates a conjures visuals of family well-being. Once again - and it it similar to wouldn't leave for me - and it actually seems like a much more polished version of wooden leave, it's a song. You want to listen to on a plane again. It has that that airy 808 sort of production to it, which almost is that wash the thrown kind of thing to it, and it's just the emotion that Kanye can convey. I think this is one of his best verses in the last five years. At least I mean it was it's just so impressive and I keep thinking about the the futuristic aspect of his thinking, because it's so important to what he does he's not saying she won't realize the danger she's going to be in because his daughter's two or three And you know we're going to go through. These fights were going to have these struggles. He'S saying, like you know, this is happening now she doesn't understand the danger she's in she doesn't know what those guys are going to do to her now like this is. This is current stuff he's putting himself in the futuristic aspect of it to where he knows, he's gon na have to deal with it potentially and it's it's crazy, because I heard him in an interview two and a half years ago, and he said I think about The fact that there's a very high chance that my daughter's body could be shaped like my wife's and that's really scary to me - and here we are over two years later, and that is what he's rapping about, and you know something folks seeing. That was a really good sign for me, because it shows me that that type of emotion cannot be faked. If you feel like you're hearing somebody talk about some real shit, that's been on their mind and you can feel that it's not even a feeling and you're. It'S like a feeling in my chest: it's like, I feel it right here when the shit's real and it hits you a certain type of way that can't be faked. It just can't be faked. I can't describe the emotion he, but he makes me want to cry. I believe I did tear up when I first heard this shit because you know it makes you think about. You know how everybody treats women. It'S it's it's shit. You know you keep getting these songs. Thinking do I. You know you feel bad for even kissing a girl when you listen to the ship, but it's true, you know, there's a lot of fuckery. That'S going on people are being really mistreated, we're in a generation that is bent on becoming emotionless and numb and cold-hearted and cruel and Kanye's having a child and he's bringing her up in this world. That is what's champion. That'S! What'S that's, what's applauded so I turn around and I applaud Kanye because he has the courage to stand up and talk about his feelings and that's a completely normal human thing. I don't. I don't know how we've somehow lost the aspect of normal human activity and emotion becoming accepted in in this culture somehow, but it's something that I want to hang on to. I don't want to lose the human aspect of feeling and all these things - and I again I applaud Kanye for taking on some of these. These topics he's not a perfect man, but he's a man with a vision. He'S a man with a dream: he's a man with many many different goals and he's a man who wants to do better for the world, and for that I really champion him, and you know he's in a really complex situation that only he can give us perspective On a lot of people, talk about how out of touch they feel he is with the world when they don't remember how out of touch. We are with that magnitude of celebrity to have a daughter in the normal world where you're, not famous. You have all of these issues still but to add on Instagram and Fame and TMZ and comment sections and blog comments and all these things with millions and millions and millions of people after your daughter, that's a perspective that most people can't offer and he can offer Us that - and I can't relate to it, because I'm not there - I can relate to it on a human level of that's a father looking out for his daughter, and this is his spin on it, and I also just want to throw this one thing in before. I end this because this is the end of the review, so I might as well throw this in since you've come with me this far. Thank you. I hope you've been thoroughly thoroughly entertained. This whole thing of of Kanye West has afforded a life where he doesn't have to deal with a racism, so he doesn't understand the issues of racism and all these these different insane theories. I just want to say that that is such nonsense. It'S it's such bullshit, because no, I will guarantee you this, no matter how rich you are no matter where you go and no matter how famous you are, you will likely experience some form of racism if you are of color and to say, Kanye doesn't experience racism Just because he doesn't have to walk down the street in the hood of Chicago anymore and be profiled by a police officer is ignorant and foolish. So this album yay, I'm gon na give a solid four star review. I feel like there are details that were potentially rushed, but I don't think the album suffers, because the content overall is very, very strong. There'S no filler and Kanye just really wanted to get straight to the point so solid, four stars from me on yay. Thank you for tuning into my album review, make sure to subscribe here on YouTube and here on iTunes. If you're listening subscribe to, the Cassius Morris show on all audio streaming platforms and check out Cash's Morris comm for exclusive photography and content of all kinds, we'll catch you guys on the flip side until next time. This is Cash's Morris, saying rock on when someone comes up and says something like I am a god, everybody says who does he think he is? I just told you who I thought I was god. I just told you Read the full article

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