#probably an undiagnosed personality disorder in there somewhere

[filmbro-girlblogger]

making “jokes” about my mental health as a cry for help but everyone actually treats it as a joke

[mors-neptune]

707 / Luciel / Saeyoung Choi Headcanons I Have

‼️⚠️ SPOILERS AHEAD ⚠️‼️

• Has ADHD but if anyone brings it up he brushes it off because he thinks it makes him lesser. He’s not ableist he just needs to be educated :(

• I know in the official art he’s pretty pale but I hc him as having tanner skin and some freckles

• Has an undiagnosed personality disorder probably

• Too paranoid to go to church in person so he made a personal shrine in his home that he makes sure to spend time at

• Hates seeing his father on TV because it reminds him how similar they look. He’ll go into a weeks long depression every time where he’ll avoid mirrors because all he sees is his mother and father

• Loves cross dressing but is too scared to think deeply and self reflect about the gender euphoria it gives him because Korea isn’t very accepting

• Hated college because he felt like it was too structured and he doesn’t like being told what to do

• His favorite color is red (obviously)

• Doesn’t want or have any tattoos

• Most of the decor in his house was handmade impulsively and placed somewhere random

• Ultimately wants to move out of the bunker and into a more realistic house with no sci-fi-like doorbells or weapons but his paranoia stops him

• Sometimes stays up till the morning watching security cams in and around the bunker out of fear someone will try and hurt Saeran or MC

• Loves the dopamine hit that buying new cars gives him. It’s almost addicting impulse buying expensive things

• Desperately needs someone to match his neurodivergentness and thankfully his twin brother does perfectly

• His glasses are constantly dirty he never cleans those mfs

• Likes to paint his nails black but it’s always cracked and messed up

• Him and Saeran made up a secret language that they refuse to teach anyone else, even MC

• Welded flowers and spray painted them for him and MC’s anniversary (Saeran told him which flowers to make bc he knows their meanings)

• MC’s engagement ring is a Ruby (to represent Saeyoung) and whatever stone is MC’s favorite swirling together to look like a binary star system

• We know in his route that he has muscles because of his work, but after he runs from the agency, MC noticed some of his bulkiness going away

• But he still keeps a lot of his muscle, he just has some more squishiness around his torso

• Regrets his bunker not having windows because he knows Saeran loves looking at the sky

• Builds a garden in his backyard for Saeran :)

• Too paranoid to get a therapist so one of his more toxic traits is using MC as a therapist

• Goes through periods of not sharing anything emotionally with MC & sharing way too much and borderline dumping all his shit on them

• Has bad abandonment issues

• Loves experimenting with makeup and showing Saeran and MC

• Has both an inferiority and superiority complex

• Owns an obsessive amount of stuffed animals and yes, they all have names

• Idk if this is canon or not but he has curly hair

• I can’t believe I haven’t mentioned this already but I hc him as bisexual (he literally mentioned at some point that V’s voice was his type)

• And since it’s basically canon he at least finds V attractive and V is more of a parental/guardian figure to him, I can conclude Saeyoung 100% has daddy issues (duh)

• Has had feelings for Vanderwood at some point

• Horrible at personal hygiene

• Doesn’t drink or do drugs (canon)

• He’s a compulsive liar :/

• Wants a cat but is so bad at taking care of himself he doesn’t trust himself taking care of an animal

• Has staff constellation, and planet stickers & posters all over his room (he’s a nerd)

• Learns sign language so when he’s mad at MC or Saeran he only communicates through sign to piss them off

• Wayyyyyyy too comfy invading people’s personal and cyber privacy because of his line of work

• Lactose intolerant because I think it’s funny

• Light sleeper because of the house he grew up in and his work at the agency

• Kind of apathetic to traumatic things other people go through if it wasn’t as “bad” as his. Not in a “I think I’m better than you” kind of way, but in a way where some issues just don’t compare to an abusive, alcoholic mother, a politician father who wants to kill him, being a secret agent made to do who knows what, and more.

• Catches up on childhood by indulging in childish hobbies and interests. He’s making up for the lost time :(

• His tummy always hurts from his horrible diet

• His cologne smells like apple spice (it’s actually a perfume for women but who cares)

• But tbh on the daily he smells like a mix of his basic masculine body wash, honey buddah chips, and grease (sorry)

• Very protective. Takes on a caretaker role for those closest to him

• Sometimes very controlling. Gets anxious when he can’t control everything around him.

• Acts very parental towards Saeran. He always did because he had to in their childhood, but Saeyoing still does it. It makes him feel good being able to properly provide for Saeran.

• He mentioned in his route that he never really wanted or thought about having a family other than Saeran, and I feel like he would still think the same after meeting MC. Just now he thinks of his family as just him, Saeran, and MC. I don’t think he’d want kids

• Literally never cleans his sheets…

• Can only convince himself to clean anything in his house because he doesn’t want Saeran to have to live in filth again

My first post. I just wanted to share these :)

[thescaryhyperfem]

while I wait for people to send shit to me pinned post I will post sum queer + MAD + song SCP headcanons down below :3 (More to be added ^.^ request any SCPs if u want bc my memory shittyyyyy)

SCP-1471: Bisexual, wolfgender, nonbinary-agender-female (she/they/it/he). Would like Lapfox Trax- Specifically Truxton.

SCP-2521: Agender, loveful aromantic (he/it/thing), possibly neurodivergent. Would like Nightcore.

SCP-999: Xenogender-fluid (I see it as someone who really can't pin point to a specific gender that's "usual" to society due to not really understanding gender "correctly"), mainly joygender, nebulasexual (it/any/any neos), AuDHD (autism + ADHD). Would listen to any breakcore/speedcore it sees, and would probably enjoy goreshit and Mailpup. I also see it as a 100 Gecs fan.

SCP-096: Abrosexual (Bisexual-Gay), transman, twink (not in a fetishizing way, I just think it fits him), aroace (sex & romance oscillate, basically they change fluidly) (he/she), PTSD & autism & social anxiety. Would dislike breakcore, never listens to music, but secretly a metalhead.

SCP-106: Gay (+ Insougay, a gay person who does not care who they get with), transman, hunk (not related to being queer but I also think he'd use his usual "hot" personality & appearance to lure people into his pocket dimension. Someone should make that an aroace label LOL) (he/him), PTSD & Questioning Cluster B disorder. Juggalo, big into Insane Clown Posse's old songs, even before he transitioned from juggalette to juggalo.

SCP-173: Nonbinary, mspec (unlabeled), femme (she/it/any). Listens to more casual and calm music, and enjoys songs related to romance in any way. Would probably listen to them with Dr. Clef.

SCP-049: Questioning sexuality, intersex (he/him). Also listens to calm music, would dislike breakcore or any fast/high bpm music in general.

SCP-049-j: Trans-ally (cisgender male, but questioning intersex), quoiromanic + quoisexual (he/they), Undiagnosed AuDHD. The same can't be said about SCP-049's son. The bastard would blast youtube poop remixes as loud as he can. Fucking Bastard.

SCP-913: Ally (cishet male) (he/him), Binge Eating Disorder & somewhere on the autism spectrum. He LOVES Weird Al, he thinks the "Eat It" song really fits him.

SCP-2396: Girlboss lesbian, transfem, futch (fem leaning) (she/any), neurodivergent but undiagnosed. LOVES Nightcore. Maybe candycore, if that's even a music type. Anything that's fast really.

SCP-3114: Xenogender (doesn't understand genders very well), affection/romance-craving, asexual (doesn't understand why they need to have sex), questioning sexuality (they/it/bone/skeleton/skull), Body Dysmorphia & depression. Really into game OSTs, especially Undertale OSTs. Also would listen to musics used in memes. Very funny lil skeleton I must say!

SCP-973-2: Pansexual, but doesn't really have time for figuring out his identity (any pronouns), autistic (struggles speaking) & PTSD. Listens to whatever is playing on the radio of SCP-973-1, EXCEPT Ed Sheeran. He hates Ed Sheeran.

SCP-079: Love is not existent (byte/bytes/neos). Really likes soothing music, computer/AI generated songs and 8 bit songs.

SCP-056: Identityfluid (basically, their whole identity like gender, sexuality, pronouns, etc. is fluid) (she/any), NPD. She would enjoy jazz music.

SCP-066: Agender, ericgender, aroace (repulsed sexually) (Eric/Ericself), probably depressed. Loves Beethoven. We don't like Beethoven. Eric doesn't care. Also likes Kevin Macleod. We love Kevin Macleod!

[markerofthemidnight]

🏳️‍🌈 as many as you want.

🏳‍🌈 do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you?

Oh, shit! No specific fandom in mind or anything?! HOLY SHIT YOU BET I’M GONNA MAKE THE MOST OF THIS!

(warning: rant incoming (under cut))

Hatchetfield (specifically The Lords in Black)

I’ve already talked about my headcanons for their sexualities on a different ask, so let me just run through any specific mental stuff I think they may have…

Tinky definitely has ADHD or something similar, Pokey probably has some kind of antisocial disorder which is why he’s… Like That™️, and maybe autism too (noise sensitivity). I’ve also called Wiggly a narcissist a few times, and while I stand by the fact that that could be the case, I don’t want to make a statement like that about a disorder that I don’t know all too well.

They all go by he/it mainly. They’re fine with any pronouns, though.

Project: Eden’s Garden

I’m not going to give any disorder to Tozu because I think it’s much more fitting for him to just be… straight-up insane rather than having any undiagnosed mental thingy (though ADHD is a possibility, short attention span and all.) He’s definitely somewhere in the ace spectrum, if you ask me! I’d personally like to say panromantic and asexual. And obviously, his race is British.

Mara is also somewhere on the ace spectrum, though I haven’t decided where. I’m not sure what kind of mental illness she might have, though probably something trauma-related like PTSD knowing the kind of story the devs will probably give her.

Other than that, lemme run through the students really quick… Eva is also also somewhere on the ace spectrum, Eloise has an inferiority complex, Damon has DEFINITELY had some very non-straight thoughts that he’s in denial about… oh, and Kai goes by he/they, though wether that’s just for the clout or if they’re genuinely genderqueer is up for debate!

Chonny Jash (GOD it’s been a while since I mentioned that name huh?)

You will pry my headcanon that the Headspace is just the result of a really weird plural disorder from my cold, dead hands. Other than that, Heart and Mind are both autistic, just in different ways (Heart has sensory problems, Mind is antisocial with a tendency to take everything literally, and both have special interests). Soul definitely has something too, but I’m not sure what.

They’re all gay as shit, but to different extents (Soul is straight up homosexual, Heart is pan with a preference for men, and Mind is grey-homoromantic aseuxal).

Finally, they all grew up in Australia but moved to the states at some point in their life (hence their accents. Their old one comes back sometimes depending on their emotions.)

Dreams of an Insomniac

Alex is gay. So gay. I don’t know why they just give off those vibes.

Dr Lankmann is aro/ace, and doesn’t understand people who feel any kind of attraction at all. As in, some of his closest followers have had to talk him out of dissecting the brains of allo people multiple times.

We already know that all Veldigun are aro/ace, and mainly go by he/it pronouns, but if I were to add to that: The Flock goes by they/it, and Simon goes by he/they and is only referred to as “it” by those who don’t trust him.

And, while you’ve given me the opportunity… eh, why the hell not? SNG&D HEADCANONS LETS GOOOOOO (spoilers ahead but honestly I don’t think you care)

SNG&D

(JJ and Ricky are from SpiffyNeedleGeeks’ now-cancelled Curse of Strahd campaign, and played by Lettersent (or Dion, he’s fine with either))

First off, they’re both aro/ace. Like, SO aro/ace. These are children we’re talking about, after all.

We already know they have OSDD canonically, but a very specific headcanon I’ve had for a long time is that they’re also autistic! Mainly because generally their vibes remind me of my own autistic ass, but also because LOOK AT THEM. LOOK AT JJ’S BLANK FUCKING AUTISM CREATURE STARE.

JJ’s autism manifests mainly in the way he acts. Again, the blank stare he canonically does 99% of the time, his tendency to stay futher away from the group (especially before he really learns to trust the rest of the party), the sort of silent nervousness he has around strangers contrasted by the rabid little bastard he becomes when he’s around people he dislikes (in a different way to Ricky taking control) all give me a lot of autistic vibes.

Ricky, however, is a bit harder to categorise. Mainly because most of these are just my headcanons, but… eh. I like to think that he’s, to an extent, a bit noise-sensitive (part of the reason why he doesn’t like social situations besides just being terrible at them), we already know he’s touch-averse canonically, and he’s got a big aversion to certain tastes and textures (though that’s less due to the autism and more due to the fact that he’d literally never eaten before in his life until like a week ago).

This also adds a much funnier layer to why he’s so overprotective of JJ. It’s not just because, y’know, he was born specifically to protect him, but also because it’s literally his special interest. Whenever someone asks him something about him, it probably takes all the strength he has to resist the urge to ramble for hours.

Aside from that, the brothers also both gained PTSD from everything they’ve been through. While I’m fairly sure it’s canon that Ricky has PTSD from their death, I like the idea that JJ has some too that he more or less got over in the years between their death and meeting the party. (The sight of a Displacer Beast still puts him on edge, though.)

…Sorry, I just- I had to get that off my chest.

I could talk about my headcanons for some of their other characters more, but I think I’ve been ranting on too much (besides, it’s mainly JJ and Ricky I have headcanons for anyways, as they are by far my favourites).

[granulesofsand]

False-Positive and Imitated DID

🗝️🏷️ invalidation/fake-claiming, mentions of trauma and RAMCOA. We will transcribe the tables in an edit if anyone asks

Do we all know that study with the six women? Where the researchers undiagnosed them via mass testing and then asked them all about their systems so they could find out the differences between ‘Imitated’ DID and ‘genuine’ DID.

Same study, different formats

I’ve always hated that study. That’s a popular opinion in my system. Because they took these people aside and had them talk only to turn around and tell them they didn’t count. Even if they were right — which I have my doubts — they pulled apart what these people said while they were describing their own internal experience to get ‘themes’ of false-positive DID.

They say this study is part of a larger project with 86 total participants — only 7 of which were qualified as ‘genuine DID’. They had a big sample of people with elevated levels of dissociation about identity alteration, and only 7 of them had DID.

They measures they used were fine, they did lead with vagueness of definitions and underdiagnosis of DID, but then they had nearly as many false-positives in this one sample as the total of DID diagnoses in the whole thing???

And it just gets ickier from there on. Their big themes were

Believing they had DID

Describing identity confusion and conflicting self-states as dissociative

Changing clinical presentation as they learn

Talking too much about their self-states

Don’t like being told they don’t have DID

And those were what they went with. Not ‘lack of apparent trauma’ or ‘lack of amnesia’, which would change the concept of traumagenic DID as we know it, not even ‘confusion of medical terms’ — all of which they listed as subpoints.

Theme One

The first one, ‘endorsement and identification with the diagnosis’: they looked at media like books and YouTube videos. Four had been told they had DID, the other two were diagnosed with mood disorders and found it while branching out their reading.

Most people in the age range (22-42) at the time of finish and publish (2020 and 2021) would turn to the internet about a diagnosis they identified with. They had a lack of recall for aggression and anything to do with strong negative emotions (almost like dissociative people), but often none for daily life. Sounds like P-DID or OSDD-1!

Theme Two

Which leads to the second theme, ‘using the notion of dissociative parts to justify identity confusion and conflicting ego-states’. Two of these people described actual insiders with autonomy and the ability to step into control. One was more along the lines of OSDD-1a or just DID, the other somewhere between that and Immersive Daydreaming. Another three leaned closer to non-complex Dissociative Disorders with other diagnoses, and one they didn’t quote anywhere I can find.

If Mary didn’t meet the criteria for DID, it wouldn’t be ‘imitated’ DID. It would be OSDD-1, which is basically the same thing but something is off. Same with Dominique; if she couldn’t qualify for DID, she should probably still be treated for disordered plurality — she literally struggles with named self-states, give her some IFS at least.

Theme Three

Theme three has two names. They imply different things. The section is titled ‘exploring personal experiences via the lens of dissociation’. The women read up on the disorder and expanded their vocabulary, sometimes misusing new words.

Victoria realizes she is some flavor of dissociative. Dominique doesn’t get identity alteration but aligns herselves with co-consciousness. Karina notes other self-states’ memories as different when they share with her. Mary has flashbacks — the researchers also have this insistence that alter communication be auditory, and that’s just not super common.

Theme Four

The fourth also has two names; the subtitle is ‘talking about DID attracts attention’. They decide all these headmates are metaphors, though the headmates disagree.

Mary’s alters talk to their husband and therapist. Karina’s friend describes her as plural and she has a vlog for her alters. Katie wanted to write about her plurality and gain recognition for her lived experience. They’re not ashamed as the researchers think they ought to be, so they shan’t be diagnosed.

Theme Five

This last one is ‘ruling out DID leads to disappointment and anger’. As if they didn’t interview these people about their supposedly DID systems. It goes back to the shame, and their reactions were not utter joy.

Katia says she would rather have a diagnosis, and that she would answer differently if asked a few years ago. Mary mentioned her younger selves felt neglected and disbelieved. Karina said they didn’t give her a differential diagnosis, then later sent them videos asking them to reconsider. Victoria was apparently happy enough, but she also wanted to know what was happening.

Discussion

Papers usually have a section interpreting their results and their inadequacies. They did not find themselves inadequate. Some of it was true, others made me pity their lack of understanding.

No intrusions of trauma material; atypical but not reason to refuse treatment. Somatoform symptoms don’t count as severe if they’re aggravated, I guess. Voices as primarily auditory came from a study claiming high levels of auditory hallucinations with DID.

They have a whole thing about switching — they did it during interviews and said so, but continued to use first person pronouns for actions prior to the switch. They said DID patients tend to be flightier with new people, then didn’t consider that their patients might be flighty — or inexperienced — in a different way.

Below the cut is a list of ‘red flags’ with our experience for each one. There are brief mentions of programming and RAMCOA.

There was only amnesia for emotional distress (wonder why). The women missed the word ‘flashback’ as also referring to positive memories of foreign origin. And then there’s this monstrosity:

I’m going to use our system as an example.

We were referred to our current therapist to confirm our CDD after returning from inpatient; we had experienced our first episode of co-consciousness during PHP. (Everymany knows you’re only valid if a stranger who may or may not believe in DID exists brings up your inner experience first)

The first time someone sincerely told us they thought we were plural, we brushed it off as forgetfulness and adolescence. Our current therapist let us know we did have blackouts, which qualified us for DID. We did the clinical evals before we approached our old therapist or our PHP therapist. (And they can only bring it up after they have you fill out packets and answer interviews)

We learned about DID because of the friend who noticed we had it. They were an alter is a DID system. Both of us learned about the diagnosis further from textbooks, studies, and internet sites. (In fact, you shouldn’t even know DID exists beyond maybe popular movies)

We didn’t start with jargon. We picked it up slowly, lots of PluralPedia, and only use it when it’s too difficult to describe ourselves; lack of language, too many words, therapist looks confused. But you’re telling me ‘parts’ is too technical?

We’re all over the board with this one. Before therapy, we would overshare and then shut down. I’ve had to work a lot on my self-image and realizing that having caused doesn’t mean I am harm. Others in my system have had a similar path; I made a mistake vs I am a mistake. And that’s also tied to trauma and re-traumatization, so systems or alters without that experience might not feel that shame or learn to cope with avoidance.

If somebody I didn’t recognize came up to me and told me I bit them, I would say that was not me. I did not bite them, I do not bite at all, and I would be perfectly fine with blaming that on an alter. Because it was. Some of us pretend to be one another or lie, but it’s not because we secretly don’t have DID.

What kind of evidence proves flashbacks? That sounds like they want a brain scan or to watch you relive trauma. We use a cane for possibly somatoform symptoms and have programming, but who knows what counts.

If they asked like that, I would’ve sat there quietly. Some littlies say there were ‘angels’ voices they heard externally when they were around, and we talk to each other with words most times. Again, they really want those auditory hallucinations.

Y’all, if your amnesia never or no longer affects non-negative events, this must mean no system. Our subsystems don’t always have amnesia for daily life, and we’ve gotten pretty good at sharing information and memories. We worked on that, but only because our system had amnesia there. You don’t need alter-to-alter amnesia at all for DID, let alone for neutral-to-positive stimuli. And here, too, evidence required.

We took the scenic route in explaining our symptoms and answering questions about them, weaving and losing trains of thought. The first person we went to (our PHP therapist) never asked at all, and we told him everything — only to be shot down as ‘not having trauma’ (like we’d admit to that for a fourteen hour stay).

We did not announce it with that guy, but we were Not Subtle. He triggered one of our gatekeepers with the trauma comment, and that guy stayed in front with maybe one other alter — neither of whom were the person who usually went.

Our goal has always been to make our system ours, and we don’t want to be anything else. We have a lot of skills that singlets never will, and we have relationships and other benefits that are important to us. We can read and listen to two separate pieces of media, hold conversations amongst ourselves, practice skills while a thousand other alters do the same. There are awesome things about plurality, and it’s okay to enjoy them. We also run a blog, in case you couldn’t tell.

I know we have DID. We know we have DID. It was extra scary when that PHP guy said we didn’t, and then it was disappointing when we had to leave our good therapist for a stranger. If a clinician we weren’t comfortable with tried it now, we would probably laugh and have a go at them. I don’t care if it really isn’t DID, but nobody is telling me we aren’t a system.

We hit damn near every ‘red flag’ they offered. Our system is classic, overt, even RAMCOA survivors like the examples m psych students get to understand ‘ah, this is Dissociative Identity Disorder’.

There is a range of systems that fit DID, even more that have CDDs, and even more who are plural. The diagnoses are supposed to help you, and if they aren’t, you don’t need to bother with them. Work on being authentic and free and safe and whatever else you might have set as a goal. You’re more than a code in a book.

[jetblackknight]

🍉, 🍎, and 🍓  

Fruity Headcanon Prompts—send a fruit for it's corresponding headcanon question !

🍉  :    which of the four seasons suits my muse best,  and why?

Probably Winter—The thought of snow-capped peaks, isolated farmhouses in the dead of night, nothing but the soft glow of moonlight reflecting off of soft blankets of snow . . . the desolation of all that is living in order for it to regrow anew. Calm, yet biting and shivering cold. Warm blankets, warm fires, hot tea or cocoa by a cabin mantle, family and the incessant need to be with, to love, to spread happiness, to eat and be merry. To be drunk, to make mistakes, to fuck up the ham or the turkey or the gift wrapping, thoughtfulness in sharing, the sweetness of sugar cookies and spiced milk. A lot of those things apply to Vergil, I'd like to think. : )

🍎  :    how stable is my muse’s mental health? have they been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and  /  or conditions? do they have any undiagnosed mental illnesses and  /  or conditions? do they or should they attend therapy?

⚔ ────▪ HA. Stable ? That's for Horses 😎👉👉 His mental health is . . . okay, I suppose. He suffers greatly from feeling worthless and useless, especially around other people who are much more useful than he ( which contradicts completely with his innate arrogance and pride. How can someone think they are both the best and the worst ? Only Vergil knows ). ⚔ ────▪ He hasn't been diagnosed by any human doctor ; they'd sooner throw him into a mental institution and pump him full of anti-psychotics if he was ever truly honest with even so much as a therapist. A half demon ? Being tortured by the King of Hell ? Killing demons ? Mass murder ? He'd probably be put to death. ⚔ ────▪ As for undiagnosed, oh dear. Major Depressive Disorder, probably somewhere on the autism spectrum. Would probably be misdiagnosed as having Anti-Social Personality Disorder ( but oh, how he does empathize. . . a little too much sometimes ), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder absolutely, if he doesn't have PTSD after what he'd been through then Dante has a wife and kids ; and he definitely struggles with self-worth but I don't think ' incredibly low self esteem ' is a mental diagnosis. ⚔ ────▪ He should absolutely attend therapy. . . if only there were a therapist for the preternatural. Any human therapist wouldn't believe him, and mark him off as delusional at the very least.

🍓  :    how is my muse typically seen by others?does it ring true to who they really are?does their reputation matter to them?

⚔ ────▪ I'd say thus far that Vergil's probably seen as much more kind than he really is, because he can be quite cruel. I think his outward politeness is mistaken for that kindness—but it isn't unwelcome. It's about damn time someone has seen him as anything other than to immediately stick a sword or bullet into. ⚔ ────▪ It . . . it's a battle ; he really is a good person underneath all the trauma, but he can lash out, he can still be very cruel. Battling his infernal nature is something he struggles with greatly, and empathy is not innate to him ( it exists, he doesn't have to learn it, so much as learn how to remember what empathy feels like ). That's the perks of a multi-faceted, nuanced character I suppose ! ⚔ ────▪ Oh, it matters a lot. Dear Sparda does it matter a lot. His biggest hurdle is having humility and accepting help where it is needed. Just ask Nerinda, Jaden, Destiny, Djahima, Nero, Dante, Lady, Lucia, Nico, Trish, or anyone else he's formed relationships with that has inevitably circled around to him needing any form of help ( but Jaden and Nerinda the most—they both saw him at his weakest, when asking for help was not a choice ! Both of their friendships started from tending to Vergil's physical wounds and they could tell you how much of a pain in the ass he was even accepting their help LOL ). He still struggles with seeing himself as weak for every asking for help . . . and they're both in the medical field ! It was ( essentially, though they could have denied him ) their DUTY to help him ! And he still gets embarrassed about it.

[clunelover]

In the past couple weeks I've gone from "I guess I have some autistic traits but there's so much overlap with ADHD and PTSD etc, it doesn't really matter" to "I'm convinced I have autism, and that my mom and sister (the one who was also born of mom) do too, and it explains so much!!!"

A few pieces just clicked into place all of a sudden. Seeing more ways in which I am similar to my autistic son. And reading some comment on r/raisedbynarcissists saying "undiagnosed autism and ADHD can turn into personality disorders later" and being like "that can't be true and makes no sense" - but then I ran it by BFF and she said "it's a good theory - a major factor in developing a personality disorder is having your needs unmet as a child, and that's something that commonly happens to undiagnosed/misunderstood neurodiverse kids."

I started thinking about how my personality-disordered mom (and all her siblings) were FOR SURE neglected as kids (always good to be ambivalent towards children and then have seven of them! Go Catholicism). My mom's stories about herself as a kid always cast her as a weird outcast loner (some of which was exacerbated by her mom's rules - like, her mom couldn't be washing laundry for 9 people changing clothes every day, so my mom and her siblings had school clothes and play clothes, and it was expected that, barring some major stain, they'd wear one set of school clothes for a whole week - but other kids will notice and tease you if you seem to always wear the same clothes!!). She had one particular story, about these imaginary creatures that she invented, and felt like she could see them and commune with them. They were called Beesies, and she would have to crouch down to be able to talk to them, and her parents were unkind about seeing her crouching and talking nonsense to things that weren't there. So, I think that speaks powerfully to both the neglect/loneliness, and perhaps the vivid fantasy life of an autistic person.

When I was in my 20s, my mom got diagnosed with ADD, and at the time I was very dismissive. I thought she had just scammed her way into a diagnosis so she could get adderall and use/abuse it for its appetite suppressant effects. But now I'm like, "no, she was thrilled about that side effect, but I think she did actually have ADD...and quite possibly autism, and actually I think I have both of those too."

Then last piece of this (sister piece) came into focus on 4th of July. I told my sister BYOB cause I'm off booze hopefully for good. She sent an oddly formal reply - something like "I know it's generally considered poor form and overly personal to ask someone why they're not drinking, but can I ask you anyway?" I thought, "okay, what in the rigidly-defined-communication-rules hell?!" I just said "hey you're my sister, you can ask stuff like that!" and then explained why. (Oh and there's a whole other post I could write about all three of us probably using alcohol to cope/mask symptoms...BUT ANYWAY). So then, during 4th of July, my stepdad/her dad tells this story about her as a kid, at one of her birthday parties, where he had set up pin the tail on the donkey for the kids to play, and my sister apparently just DID NOT get it - "why would I wear a blindfold to try to find out where to put the tail? I already know where to put the tail." And then people were trying to explain it to her - "see, it's funny, cause when you can't see, you put the tail somewhere else"...etc. And apparently she said, "why would it be funny to be wrong?" I either hadn't been at this party or didn't remember it, so hearing that was a real eureka moment - OH MY GOD, we're all fucking autistic!!

Oh also, she was a very serious baby who appeared to be puzzled or frowning often, and didn't really laugh, and we all just thought this was funny at the time...omg, more signs!

So anyway, this is totally recasting my thought about my sister's lack of emotional expansiveness, and how I am always getting my feelings hurt by it! We are possibly both autistic people, each with marked, but different and sometimes even conflicting, communication difficulties. No wonder there are so many misunderstandings and unsatisfied expectations, etc.

IDK I have so many more thoughts and memories I'm recontextualizing, I could go on, but in any case I'm very eager for my therapist to return from vacation in a couple weeks so we can discuss!!

[straight-out-of-a-toybox]

about me:

name: munchkin, marshmallow, puppy, baby

age: big age is 22, small age is 0-5

gender: genderfluid but for some reason im masc when regressed

likes: blues clues, molang, sharks, spiders, cryptids, classic horror movies, stray kids (special interest), deep sea creatures, milk, veggies, raccoons, aliens, bugs, baby blue color, pale yellow, white and grey, blankets, plushies, building blocks, wooden food sets, calico critters, figurines, my little pony, monster high, clowns, spooky things, coloring, nap time, activity books, toy stores, pokemons!!

dislikes: arts & crafts (don't have the skills and patience), candy, the stereotypes about littles, the american littles food (mac & cheese, apple sauce, etc), when someone kills bugs, doing chores, not being able to go somewhere nice, long distance, not being able to dress how i want

general info: i have undiagnosed ADHD, autism and borderline personality disorder, I'm a plus size person, I'm already taken, this blog was left for a long time but now I'll be posting here more instead of my main blog (@that-ikea-alien-plush I'll probably be following others from this one)

DNI: transphobes, terfs, zoos, pedos, maps, whatever you're calling yourself, racists, zionists, fatphobes, ableists, nsfw, kink, abdl, ddlg, anti therian, or if youre just here to make fun of me

[cityandking]

i'm late but!! A3, C7, E4, F12, H3, L1 for minah, vesper & bran xoxo

thanks babe // Big Ol’ Honkin’ OC Question List

A3: Do they have any emotional or psychological conditions? Are they aware of it? Do they try to treat it? 

MINAH — likely has a bit of PTSD or some other undiagnosed trauma response. she’s aware of it in that she’s aware that sometimes things Freak Her Out for no discernible reason and she has to cope with the ???????, but I don’t think mental health practices in the Towers Age offer a succinct vocabulary for acknowledging and processing things. mostly she tries to ignore it into going away. obviously that’s going great for her. VESPER — to be honest once you get past the general sense of martyrdom and exhaustion and the dregs of cricle "magic is made to serve man" conditioning, vesper is surprisingly stable both mentally and emotionally speaking. she has some addictive habits, but none that have spiraled into any long-term substance abuse problems BRAN — bran’s definitely got some kind of anxiety disorder, and also probably pretty pronounced seasonal affective disorder. it’s easy to forget about it when she’s living somewhere bright and warm all year round but every now and then it rears its head. she’s more aware of the anxiety—some days when it all gets too much she secrets herself away and waits for the waters to calm.

C7: Do they believe people change over time? If so, is it a natural process or does it take effort?

MINAH — believes people change, but she’s a little iffy on the natural vs effort debate. people change because they have to, or because they’re forced to. how aware they are of the process doesn’t necessarily play into it VESPER — believes people can change if they want to, but it takes effort to do so BRAN — believes people changed based on where they are and who’s around them—there’s an element of effort in there, but change is also a reflection of how the world effects you, whether you realize or not

E4: Did they enjoy school if they went to it?

MINAH — it was okay. some parts of it she liked a lot (seeing other kids, some lessons, skipping out lessons with the other kids, music) and some things were an absolutely pain in the ass to sit through VESPER — vesper (as a nerd) liked school! she liked classes, she liked learning, she liked magic and history and all her instructors who encouraged her questions (well. most of her questions). she liked knowing exactly what was expected of her and how to perform in those areas. and she liked teaching, once she became an enchanter. for all its ills and horrors, she did enjoy the college part of circle life. BRAN — bran was not a great student and really didn’t care for school. there were so many other things she could be doing! also she was kind of one of those kids who either Got something and enjoyed being good at it (maths, navigation, history, fencing) or didn’t get it and hated it (literature, languages, diplomacy).

F12: Would they enjoy a theme park?

MINAH — minah would love a theme park. there are rides, there are performances, there are trinkets, there’s all the fried food you could want! she’d have a great time at a theme park VESPER — she’d have fun, but be slightly overwhelmed by the crowds and probably need to take some time to find a quiet corner and recharge. I’m not sure if she’s the kind of person who enjoys the windswept thrill of a coaster or if she’d prefer to stick to something where her feet are closer to the ground BRAN — absolutely! yes! she’d have the best time. she’d ride everything, especially the big extreme scary stuff. bring on the thrills!

H3: Does your OC believe there’s only one ideal partner (or multiple ideal if not monogamous) for everyone, or that there are many people who could be right?

MINAH — in her deepest secretest heart of hearts minah’s a romantic who believes in One True Love. rationally she knows people make relationships work through love and dedication and effort and whatever, and that believing everyone can only have one ideal partner is childish and irrational, but there’s a part of her holding onto the idea that there's one Person out there VESPER — vesper believes relationships are the kind of thing you have to grow and tend, which means they can appear in endless forms and permutations. rightness is relative BRAN — bran believes in multiple partners who could be the “right” one, for multiple reasons. honestly she’s a little iffy even on the concept of a “right” partner at all (sabine, as usual, is an outlier adn should not have been counted)

L1: How have your characters changed since you created them?

MINAH — minah's much quieter and more blunt than I originally intended, but that's because a) the perils of playing over voice chat (my discord has been shit lately and keeps building up delays which is annoying af) and also because b) I am way less social and improv-y than she is which makes things hard. one of the perils of playing a high-charisma extrovert when I am neither of those things. such is D&D VESPER — vesper went through a pretty rigorous creation process and was sort of birthed out of the ashes of an older trevelyan mage, which feels appropriate for vesp given all her fire symbolism (the og gal was named mara and was a knight-enchanter). that said, once she existed in the world, she's kind of stayed the same. no major changes, just more depth BRAN — she’s changed so much from her very initial conceptualization—a villainous (antihero?) doomed love interest in my 2015 nanowrimo novel to a noble and cleric of a sea god to her current iteration. that said, once she reached her Varania Form I think she's been pretty settled—she just gets deeper and richer and more nuanced the longer she lives with me

[rotten-angel-bonez]

New intro post bc why not :3

- I'm Rae (they/them)

- I'm 19 years old and have had some form of ed/disordered eating for at least 6 years

- I also have undiagnosed adhd, I'm probably somewhere on the autism spectrum (again, no diagnosis tho) and a bunch of other mental illnesses

- I have mommy issues which are the root of my ed

- I love any drink with caffeine and writing

DNI if you encourage eds, are fatphobic towards anyone but yourself, are in anyway hostile towards LGBTQ+ people, are a bigot, are some right wing bastard, are an unkind person etc. (you know who you are)

I do not support nor encourage eds, I use this blog as a space for my thoughts and feelings. This is not a safe blog if you are in recovery, although I keep numbers (calories and weight) to a minimum and don't post any kind of spo.

Anyway, remember you are loved and important and deserve to be a part of this world. I love you and please stay safe <3

[phantasy-castle]

Yeah, I fucking hate myself. I hate that I'm 24, an alcoholic, masturbate to anime, am currently unemployed because I quit my steady job at the PO for a false promise, and am now making my parents pay the literal price for me being a fuckup. I'm genuinely remorseful who anyone who has ever invested in me and/or felt pity for me. I want to die but I don't want to commit suicide. Somewhere in my mind, I just want to die in an accident. As of right now, my life means nothing. I serve zero purpose. I should kill myself NOW!

But seriously, I wasn't even meant to be born. It doesn't *actually* make sense my older sister is eleven years older than me.

Welp, I have a $600 flight lesson tomorrow, that my dad insists on paying for because he believes that I can and will become such a great pilot capable of preserving the lives of 200+ people at a time, so... better not fuck up, I guess. Better keep this ball rolling until it possibly falls apart. Then I'll just go die, probably. $600 is how much I made a week working at the PO, by the way, for a three hour flight lesson. I hope being a CFI one day pays well! It's truly staggering that my parents worked for 40+ years to invest in their child who's an idiot, a degenerate, a near sociopath, probably has like three undiagnosed personality disorders, and doesn't even care for his own life because he casually talks about selfishly killing himself all the time.

Maybe I should try being more shameless. This misery exists because I know who I am and I know I'm literally a piece of shit; I don't need anyone to tell me.

[spit-out-the-dust]

I am 32 today. I used to do these blogs when I was in my teens and early twenty’s about things I believed in when new years would come around and make you wanna be a better person—- somehow along the way society teaches us to stop believing and the world darkened my idea that believing was all I truthfully needed.

I am trying to take back my life. I am trying to take a stand for what the truth is and for what I believe in again.

I am 32 today. I believe in taking a stand against child abuse, but real child abuse— not custody battles where you just want to control someone because of your undiagnosed narcissism so you try to turn parenting mistakes into abuse.

I believe sex abuse happens more than what people want to know- and because people don’t wanna know our children are out here suffering and hurting, alone.

I believe real men don’t exist anymore under the age of 45, and even that is a pushed statement. But somewhere along the way men stopped grasping concepts of what it is to truly be a man and women have had to take that stand and it has been affecting our world whether we choose to see it or not. If little boys do not have good men role models then how do they further know how to be good men. Daddy issues are real.

I believe children are not born bad or damaged. Stop blaming children. Look at their environment. And if their parents are “so perfect” then dig a little deeper. Something has probably happened and you aren’t seeing it. Things can happen at school. Things can happen anywhere now.

I believe that depressions and anxiety and personality disorders are from trauma. I do not believe the medicine helps. I believe it makes it worse. Read books to learn how to fix yourself, not numb yourself— use holistic medicine — all natural— stop listening to doctors. Pay attention there too.

I believe there are more bad people than good because abuse has taken the place of normality. Healthy doesn’t exist anymore and I believe this is why I work more hours now fighting to protect children from child abuse than I ever have in 11 years.

Generational trauma is real.

I believe in good people though, I really do. I believe you can deeply care for someone and do for someone without wanting anything in return. I believe in unconditional love. I look at my daughter and I know it’s real.

I believe people just want to be seen. People want to be validated. People want to be heard.

I believe all the confusion is because of trauma.

I believe in reading. I believe in quiet moments.

I believe in sleep. I believe in rest. I believe in exercise. All of this truly helps your mind.

I believe in controlling your thoughts. It’s hard. But if I can control my thoughts after all the things I’ve seen. Child deaths. Child rape. Shaking babies. Broken bones and rib fractures and burns and murders of babies.

If I can control it in order to be who I need to continue being out here for these kids- you can too. You’re just as powerful.

I believe that. I believe no one is more capable or less capable. I believe you are amazing and can do whatever you want.

I believe in mental health. I believe we fix it though through accepting it and working through it.

I believe in cake. It seems to always fix my mood.

I believe right now I’m too tired to finish but I’m glad after sitting down and taking some time. I’m glad I’m able to really start paying attention to what I believe.

[valarioncy]

We here at ValarionCy also endorse this "Adam is low empathy" headcanon. He's written this way in What Lies Beyond and Through New Beginnings and the "break the ice" scene is a huge contributer to Adam's portrayal in those works.

Even in Post Hollow Syndrome though, when he feels bad, you might notice he isn't actually feeling guilty or remorseful about what he said to Mira. He cares mostly about his reputation. He's also completely oblivious to Mira's feelings, going full-tilt into logic mode. Nor does Adam really consider Kai's feelings after his outburst in Chapter 6.

In Chapter 7, he is never described as feeling guilty. "Regret" and "Embarassment" are not inherently empathetic feelings, and not the usual way someone would react to shouting at their best friend and storming off. Adam just fears his entire structure of self-worth is about to be knocked down.

Yeah he was tired, but when you're tired your inhibitions are low. Adam in the Beyondverse canonically has undiagnosed ASPD. Though to emphasize this we're probably gonna slightly edit wording and phrasing and the like to better bolster this idea.

I feel like Adam's flaws don't get talked about nearly enough because he comes so much across as a basic protagonist. Until you notice things like the ice breaking kerfuffle, his impatience, his emotional constipation, his inconsideration for others outside of his team.

All of those things are what makes me really love and appreciate Adam as a character, and after season 2 when those things were even more prevalent, I officially adopted him as a fictional son because I love him so much. I love that Adam is allowed to be an asshole. It makes him feel so human to me.

And none of these things, low empathy or potential ASPD, lack of emotional maturity, bullheadedness, hypocrisy. None of these things make Adam a bad person. He's a good kid with flaws and quite possibly, a heavily stigmatized disorder. Adam is so human. I love that about him.

We might write a headcanon masterpost on this somewhere down the road.

-Cy and Khaz

I'm rewatching the hollow again and I'm almost done with episode 7, and I'd like to point something out...

As soon as Mira tells Adam to smash to ice that Kai is trapped in, he hesitates, because he said it could hurt him. He was going to smash the ice to free Kai despite opposing the risk of hurting him. But when it comes to REEVE being trapped in the ice with the ishibo, he shows no sign of empathy and is willing to smash the ice, even if it hurts him. When earlier he was opposed to smashing the ice not wanting to risk hurting someone, pretty hypocritical if you ask me...

[dylanndr]

Hypothesis: Izzy knows he's attracted to men, he doesn't have an issue with that per se, and his expressions of homophobia and misogyny are characteristic of a specific subset of openly gay male culture.

Izzy has, after all, spent the last several years helping to command a vessel that might as well be called The Eagle, it's so full of leather men. I think he's well aware of his own queerness, but he lacks the ability to sit down and do the introspection that would let him realize his relationship to his queerness is way out of whack. [His capacity for introspection is, IMO, limited by his undiagnosed and untreated chronic depressive disorder, but that's another post for another time.]

Way back when I was first exploring life as a queer guy, I remember going to a leather bar with a friend. Said friend told me I shouldn't be wearing the spiky wrist cuffs I had on because they were sending a message that I was thus and such type of top, and I was too short and skinny and hairless to be allowed to present that way. There were five thousand other rules I was apparently breaking because I hadn't memorized all the secret codes and I was just doing leather wrong and so forth. I ended up noping out of the experience; it seemed tediously prescriptivist to me.

For sure not all queer leather subculture spaces are going to be like that, but you know who would be super into such a rigidly hierarchical system? Izzy Hands, that's who. He is highly invested in routine and predictability, and has a strong inclination to force people to stick to their prescribed roles. Your place in the hierarchy tells you who you're allowed to hookup with and who is supposed to initiate the hookup, which is why he absolutely would not make the first pass at Edward. It's Edward's place to initiate something like that (and why Izzy responds so strongly to even the slightest touch from Ed; there's probably a tiny shred of persistent optimism lurking somewhere under the depressive fugue that says, "maybe this time it's really going to go there?").

He would likely feel comfortable in a system where you don't have to use your words to express desires and boundaries because everything is clearly communicated through long-established codes you can just memorize. There was a back room at that leather bar for cruising, which had its own separate bouncer, and where conversation was actively discouraged; Izzy would have haunted the shit out of that room.

He refers to other, subordinate members of Blackbeard's crew as "the boys," which in the context of that particular ship and crew is in contrast to the daddies (Ed being Daddy Supreme, Izzy being Emergency Backup Daddy). His place as First Mate means, in his rigidly defined worldview, that he can only sub for the captain, to everyone else he has to be a dom.

This mindset could potentially be reinforced by a common iteration of warrior culture where the older, more experienced man is the top, the young acolyte is the bottom, and a sexual relationship between the two is fine, but a romantic one is mostly not (at least, not once the acolyte ages out of that status). As you get older and grow in skill, and shift from acolyte to master, you're obligated to switch from bottoming to topping. It's entirely possible Young Izzy had a much more enjoyable sex life as an acolyte, if that is indeed how he learned to fight, but as he graduated into his obligatory top status, his sexual encounters became so unsatisfying he may well have drifted into celibacy.

While he's good at ordering people around and berating them, he finds actually managing people to be immensely stressful, and hasn't got a fucking clue what to do when he needs to try to read a room. He's not a creative thinker. What happens when you bark an order and the person refuses? He doesn't have a fallback for "this person went off script," which is probably why his interactions with Lucius in episode 5 go so far off the rails. Getting shoved into a position of submissiveness to a guy who is Not Supposed to Be Topping Because He Looks and Dresses Wrong for the Part throws him completely off kilter.

Oh, and let's talk about that interaction with Lucius and how it relates to homophobia in gay male spaces. I went into great detail about that scene here, but for this I want to focus specifically on the Kiss That Wasn't. Y'all, Izzy wants to kiss someone SO BAD. In his "I'm being intimidating at you" interactions where he gets up in someone's face, when he should be making unbroken eye contact, his gaze constantly falls to the other man's mouth. With Lucius, he's pulled so far out of his normal headspace he comes within a fraction of a second of giving in to that desire before he stops himself and turns tail.

In the world of homophobic (internalized), masc (toxic) gay spaces, sex is fine. He knows, for example, that Edward hooked up with Calico Jack, and this isn't presented as any kind of issue for him. But kissing? Kissing is perceived as an act of romantic affection, and THAT is forbidden. You can fuck other men, but you must NEVER fall in love with them or you’re a namby-pamby ponce who [gag] pines for a boyfriend. Ergo, kissing bad.

Back in the early 2000s, there was a trend amongst a subset of gay men to label themselves as "straight-acting." Again, these were openly gay men operating in queer spaces, but who built solidarity with each other by bragging about how not stereotypically gay they behaved. Izzy in 2002 would have been taking those "are you straight-acting" quizzes online, and been super proud of himself if he scored a 10/10. (He would have lied in some of his answers to force that 10/10 outcome, probably.)

TL;DR: Izzy gay, he knows it, and he probably wouldn’t care but for the fact that he has internalized so much toxic sludge around the specific things he actually wants and needs out of his relationships with other men.

[herlocksherlock]

Herlock Sholmes Has ADHD

I believe Herlock Sholmes from “The Great Ace Attorney” has undiagnosed Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, or ADHD. I know this is a pretty popular fanon theory/headcanon, but I’ve never seen anyone lay out evidence for it. Spoilers below the read more.

Forgetfulness and Losing Things

Herlock Sholmes has some established memory issues directly connected to his interest in said information. This is pretty typical for someone with ADHD, though sometimes Herlock takes it to a bit of an extreme.

[Image Description: Screenshot from The Great Ace Attorney showing Iris Wilson telling Susato Mikotoba “He forgets everything. As soon as he’s solved a case, it all but vanishes from his mind.” End Image Description.]

When I say it’s connected to his “interest” in the information, I'm referring to personal relevancy more than subjective preference. In other words, even if a case was very interesting to him on a subjective level, once he’s done, it’s no longer especially relevant to him. The longer something goes without being directly relevant to him on a day-to-day basis, the more likely he is to forget it. He pushes case details from his memory about as fast as many of us push class details out of mind following the final exam, but for Herlock it goes deeper than that. 

He’s forgotten things about people close to him too when hasn’t seen them for a while, including how many years it had been since he last saw Yuujin Mikotoba. He even seemed to forget who Ryunosuke and Susato were after not seeing them for a little over a month (though to be fair, he’d only known them a few days before that month). 

Another very common symptom of ADHD in adults is continuously losing or misplacing things and generally having poor organizational skills. 

[Image Description: Screenshot from The Great Ace Attorney showing  Herlock Sholmes saying “And it’s troubling to me that you expect me to know where it is! Somewhere thereabouts on the floor, one presumes.” End Image Description.]

This is defintely a problem with Herlock, to the point that I believe he even gave up on finding a missing book at one point and just opted to buy a new one. The fact that he thought it would be easier to invest in a new copy of the book than to try and locate it is pretty significant when you take into account the fact that he does not really have any disposable income to speak of. In fact, he sometimes seems to have trouble just paying rent.

Rapid-Fire Thinking

Herlock’s mind goes too fast for him sometimes, a trait that leads to some deductions that are very close (and yet so very far) from being accurate. I have heard the argument that these deductions were merely a farce to test Ryunosuke, and while I think there might be some truth to that, I don’t think that explains it in full. For example, why would Herlock go out of his way to test Ryunosuke when there was a time bomb in the middle of the room? Even if ADHD has a risk-taking element to it, I don’t think Herlock would go that far.

I think at least some of the faulty deductions Herlock makes in-game were genuine, and resulted from him connecting the dots a little too fast. Having your thoughts race by you at such a speed that you yourself have trouble keeping up with them is a common experience for many people with ADHD. So Herlock, brilliant though he is, was probably distracted by these avid trains of thought mid-deduction. For example, imagine he follows a person’s gaze to the wrong item, one that doesn’t really make sense in context. Instead of stopping, reflecting, and moving backwards to re-evaluate his assumption, he gets distracted by the entire story his mind is already half-way done putting together about what he initially thought the person was looking at.

This isn’t just speculation either; Herlock himself openly admits that he often feels overwhelmed by all the stimuli he’s getting at any given moment.

[Image Description: Screenshot from The Great Ace Attorney showing  Herlock Sholmes saying “I am frequently assailed by information that I neither care for, nor wish to retain.” End Image Description.]

Hyperfocus

Hyperfocusing is extremely common for those with ADHD, especially when it comes to one’s hyperfixations. You can think of a hyperfixation sort of like a “special interest”; it’s something a person with ADHD thinks about more than an average amount (sometimes to the exclusion of more pressing matters) and often gets a large amount of satisfaction from talking about. 

When he is on a case, Herlock hyperfocuses big time, so you could argume those might serve as hyperfixations for him. 

[Image Description: Screenshot from The Great Ace Attorney showing Iris Wilson saying “I do apologise. When he gets like this, he’s completely oblivious to everything.” End Image Description.]

However, one can hyperfocus on more than just hyperfixations when you have ADHD. Sometimes it’s a topic you saw on wikipedia that you ended up accidentally spending three hours following links for, sometimes it’s reading an article, sometimes it’s writing a post about why Herlock Sholmes has ADHD. Regardless of the source, hyperfocus is something that is not always voluntary; you often can’t choose what you hyperfocus on when you have ADHD, though sometimes you can direct it toward a desired task or topic with practice.

Mood Swings

Mood swings and general irritability are lesser known symptoms of ADHD, but they are defintely a part of it. These can be mood drops connected to understimulation or simply extreme responses to normal stimuli as a result of emotional dysregulation.

[Image Description: Screenshot from The Great Ace Attorney showing a very glum-looking Herlock Sholmes saying “A good morning to die perhaps...” End Image Description.]

Impulse Control

Herlock has a somewhat notable lack of impulse control, and not just because he followed through on a whim to taste soap for the sake of curiosity.  He laughs very loud at sometimes very inappropriate times (which also relates to volume control, which is another common form of impulse control with ADHD). 

[Image Description: Screenshot from The Great Ace Attorney showing Herlock Sholmes laughing very hard. End Image Description.]

The impulse control aspect of ADHD also helps explain his less-than-prefect social skills. Difficulty keeping quiet and speaking out of turn are two common symptoms of ADHD in adults. People with ADHD can also have a harder time picking up on social cues, which further hurts social skills. 

Other Evidence 

Finally, I wanted to discuss a few things that serve as weak evidence on their own, but are (in my opinion) pretty interesting when put alongside everything I’ve presented so far. 

[Image Description: Screenshot from The Great Ace Attorney showing Herlock Sholmes talking to Susato Mikotoba, saying  “...’Tomorrow for once I shall not oversleep! I rise early and be present in court to support my companions!” End Image Description.]

Herlock has issues getting out of bed, to the point that he missed the start of a court case multiple times. And the one time he did make it there promptly, it was only with considerably help from Iris. Trouble getting up and getting somewhere is very common for adults with ADHD, though the causes may very. It could be due to poor sleep quality making you tired, poor executive function making it difficult to actually get ready in a timely manner, or some combination thereof. Either way, I suspect this ongoing struggle for Herlock has a lot to do with his ADHD.

This next one is really a stretch, and is honestly pretty headcanon-based, but you remember this bit right here?

[Image Description: Screenshot from The Great Ace Attorney showing Herlock Sholmes with his back turned to the camera. He’s saying “...Whilst, as you shrewdly observed, gnawing on the only friend I have left: this seven per cent solution of caramel.” On the side is an image of a candy bar with a wrapping reading “Sholmes’ Caramel.” End Image Description.]

Now, obviously this was a reference to the seven percent solution of cocaine the original Sherlock Holmes injected himself with to keep his brain stimulated between cases. However, since he talks about eating this caramel bar multiple times in the games, I’m going to take the reference as literally as possible: a candy bar that is only partially made up of actual caramel. I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to assume there is chocolate in this bar too, based on the color and how the flavor would pair with caramel. If chocolate was the other main ingredient, and perhaps the predominant one, you know what that candy bar would contain a decent amount of? Caffeine. You know what many people with ADHD self-medicate with if formal drugs aren’t available to them? Caffeine. 

Alternatively, let’s say that wrapper isn’t just for show; maybe this caramel bar is mostly caramel, but it’s Sholmes’ own special blend that truly has some cocaine in it. While it’s defintely not an advisable means of self-medication, cocaine was pretty popular in Victorian era England since they didn’t know about all the negative side effects yet. And cocaine is a stimulant.

[phoneybeatlemania]

I was recently diagnosed with ASD and a few people were surprised cause Im not awkward when I talk to people. I'm very aware I could be projecting onto Paul but I find myself relating to him, like he seems to stim a lot in interviews. But then you dont need to be autistic to stim so who knows.

Discussion point: Paul & ASD

EDIT: Id recommend reading the response from @jeffreyrhymansss to this post (just look in the notes), since it gives far more insight into the psychology of autism then I could provide. Apologies about any misinformation I might've spread with this post, it was pure misguidance on my behalf. Not an excuse I know (I should be more cautious with this stuff) but just thought id clarify that I was never purposely being insensitive.

EDIT 2: id also like to just clarify though that I am all for discussions on Paul being neurodivergent - the same way that im all for discussions on John as having had a personality disorder. Im not personally convinced that Paul is autistic, but I think its plausible; ive just never read any in-depth and strong arguments for it, ive only come across brief speculations. I remain open to the idea of Paul being neurodivergent as a possibility, but id need to read a thorough and well-evidenced argument for the claim before really getting on board with it. Hope this cleared some things up :)

My mum is a bit like this - if you met her, it’s unlikely that you’d be able to tell that shes autistic because she’s quite low on the spectrum and interacts with people pretty confidently. Even my oldest brother didn’t know she’s autistic until last year, when I mentioned it in casual conversation and he was like “oh shit, that makes a lot of sense actually!!”. My point with mentioning all this is essentially that there are a lot of people (especially of Pauls generation) who are autistic, but just about pass for “normal” (used with some irony there, of course) enough to go undiagnosed, for varying reasons. And while you can usually tell if someone is on the autism spectrum, theres still a lot of people who learn throughout their childhood to mask their symptoms - and it becomes practically second nature. So you probably just wouldn’t know they were autistic, until you knew them quite intimately.

Personally, I don’t see tons of evidence to suggest that Paul is autistic - but there are stories here and there that make more sense (in terms of his behaviour) if you consider them within the context of him being somewhere on the spectrum. Its not a diagnosis I think you could build quite as strong a case for on, compared to something like John having BPD - still though, its plausible, its worth considering and its good to discuss it as possibility, since it could potentially help us in empathising with and understanding him.

On another note, I don’t actually think that projection is such a bad thing tbh. Its just a way of relating to and understanding these people; everybody projects to some degree, and while we should constantly try to question ourselves, saying “okay, but can I back this claim up with substantial and meaningful evidence? or is it pure projection?” - and I btw fully admit that im just as much prone to getting carried away with my analysis’s at times, so much so that they run into projection, as anyone else. I suppose still that projection is essentially just an unavoidable part of interpretation - and applying our own experiences onto our speculations can have the capacity to speak certain truths about (god i hate to use this phrase) ~the human experience~ (<<< blahhhhhhhhh) just be careful, and question yourself.