#prime slow burns in most media are like. years of knowing each other and years of wanting

[mars-ipan]

just saw someone call lumity a slowburn… i am Keeping My Mouth Shut

[alohaasaloevera]

guys I’m honestly happy that klance didn’t become canon because I love how as a collective group of people we utilize our right to explore what could have been and create the most smoking hot scenarios ever and yes I obviously wanted more of their friendship growing into this bond stronger than anything else in the universe especially since Voltron has teamwork and family as one of their main lessons but that’s more of a development issue all around…ok besides that there’s something about klance where it provides this PERFECT environment for shippers to inhabit and FEAST upon. With klance, there’s a solid, engaging dynamic between the two set up, which is this weird one-sided rivalry that stems from Lance’s insecurity and his need to prove himself of his worth and Keith literally being one of the best pilots for his age but since they’re flung into space and chosen to become child soldiers in this 10,000 year old intergalactic war so they have to work as a team which surprise surprise forces them to put aside their differences and work as a team which is shown a bunch when Keith needs to become a leader and Lance steps up as his right hand and and they have some kinda tender moments that won’t definitely drive shippers into a shipping craze (or worse) SO YEAH you could see why people loved it with all the classic tropes and mutual growth all that schmooze (ALSO THEY KNEW EACHOTHER BEFORE THE MAIN PLOT??? Well maybe not like friends or even acquaintances probably BUT HELLO?????? EVEN MORE SHIT TO EXPAND ON????), and they share multiple scenes that could be interpreted as romantic but there’s no explicit romance. This environment is fucking dripping drenched flash flooded cornered by 1000ft tsunamis in all directions with potential for shipping, so when people saw this relationship between two bros with this sort of homoerotic (IM JOKING. Kinda.) unresolved tension towards each other and the POTENTIAL for a good slow burn rivals to friends to lovers, it was to no one’s surprise that they went APESHIT. Klancers made countless different ways where they get together whether it be pre-Kerberos, post-gettingthefuckoutofearth, the start of the show, the end of the show, after the end of the show, right smack in the middle, anywhere, anytime, for who the fuck knows why just ANY REASON DAMN IT it doesn’t really matter because people were pumping out fanfiction or fan art or any fan media of klance faster than I spit out a raw baby carrot after chewing it for one second and now we’re all wallowing about how it should have been KICK but the thing is that if VLD did KICK all the way to Altea, the production of these beautiful stories that so many people have and still are coming up with about klance kissing in midst of a battle, helping each other with their crippling nightmares, smiling for the stars or some other sad premise, and whatever is nestled in his pulse…just like uhhh the amount of fics like these that go into great detail about Keith and Lance in these random situations that end up with them getting together being produced would go down to some degree because of the fact that if the people’s beloved sharpshooter and samurai had ended up together like we had wanted, and the majority was satisfied with the ending the creators had given, people would have shifted from writing about “How could Lance and Keith get together?” to writing about “What could Lance and Keith do now that they’re together?” And like. There’s nothing wrong with that honestly I would be HYPED if klance was ever canon but there is profound beauty in the way the community is able to create more from less and turn a show that went to shit in the last few seasons shine even brighter than it did at its prime. Like I wouldn’t trade my favorite fics 4 anything.

—

Ok another little thing I’m going to put here: With Klance, all I wanted was for them to be great friends 😭😭😭. I tend to prefer klance becoming canon in later seasons or at the end or even an open ending with no confirmed romantic relationships because I am a sucker for character development and the idea of Keith and Lance both harboring these feelings that at first are just admiration and respect but then escalate to yearning for one another or becoming close friends at the end of the show and getting to imagine anything I want post canon is EVERYTHING if you give me S7 Garrison klance I’ll keel over and thank you like I was a second away from dying of thirst and your gift was a truck load of water

[itsclydebitches]

I keep seeing people calling Good Omens queer bating and a I can't help but ask why? I read the Aziraphale/Crowley relationship threw an Ace lens and they are clearly as close to married as they are probably going to get without stepping on holy ground.... and they love each other... why is it considered queer bating?

Personally, I think it's mostly young queer fans turning legitimate grievances on the wrong target. A case of getting so fed up with queerbaiting in media as a whole that they're instinctually lashing out at anything that seems to resembles it on the surface, without taking the time to consider whether this is, in fact, the thing they're mad at. Good Omens is a scapegoat, if you will. The equivalent of snapping at your partner after a long day. Your friend was an asshole, your boss was an asshole, the guy in traffic was an asshole, and then you come home to your partner who says something teasing and you take it as another asshole comment because you've just been surrounded by assholeness all day, to the point where your brain is primed to see an attack. Your partner wasn't actually an asshole, but by this point you're (understandably) too on guard to realize that. Unless someone sits you down and kindly reminds you of the difference between playful teasing and a legitimate insult - the nuance, if you will - your hackles are just gonna stay up and you'll leave the room, off to phone a different friend to tell them all about how your partner was definitely an asshole to you.

Only in this case, that "friend" is a fan on social media doing think pieces on the supposed queerbaiting of Good Omens, spreading that idea to a) people who aren't familiar with the show themselves and b) those who, like that original fan, have come to expect queerbaiting and thus aren't inclined to question the latest story with that mark leveled against it. Because on the surface Good Omens can look a lot like queerbaiting. Here are two queer coded characters who clearly love each other, but don't say "I love you," don't kiss, don't "prove" that love in a particular way. So Gaiman is just leading everyone on, right?

Well... no. This is where the nuance comes in, the thing that many fans aren't interested in grappling with (because, like it or not, media is not made up of black and white categories; queerbaited and not-queerbaited. Supernatural's finale is proof enough of that...) I won't delve into the most detailed explanation here, but suffice to say:

Gaiman has straight up said it's a love story. He's just not giving them concrete labels like "gay" or "bi" or "asexual," etc. because they are literally not human. Gaiman has subscribed to an inclusive viewpoint in an era where fans are desperate for unambiguous rep that homophobes cannot possibly deny. The freedom to prioritize any interpretation - yes, including a "just friends" interpretation - now, in 2021, feels like a cop-out. However, in this case it's an act of world building (they are an angel and a demon, not bound by human understanding of identity) meeting a genuine desire to make these characters relatable to the entire queer community, not just particular subsets. Gaiman has said they can be whatever we want because the gender, sexuality, and romantic attraction of an angel and a demon is totally up for debate! However, some fans have interpreted that as a dismissal of canonical queerness; the idea that fans can pretend they're whatever they want... but it's definitely not canon. It is though. Them being queer is 100% canon, it's just up to us to decide what kind of queer they are. This isn't Gaiman stringing audiences along, it's him opening the relationship up to all queer possibilities.

We know he's not stringing us along (queerbaiting) because up until just a few days ago season two didn't exist. Queerbaiting is a deliberate strategy to maintain an audience. A miniseries does not need to maintain its audience. You binge it in one go and you're done, no coming back next year required. The announcement for season two doesn't erase that context for season one. No one knew there would be more content and thus the idea that they would implement a strategy designed to keep viewers hooked due to the hope for a queer relationship (with no intent to follow through) is... silly.

In addition, this interpretive, queer relationship between Crowley and Aziraphale existed in the book thirty years ago. Many fans are not considering the difference between creating a totally new story in 2019 and faithfully adapting a story from 1990 in 2019. Good Omens as representation meant something very different back then and that absolutely impacts how we see its adaptation onto the small screen. To put this into perspective, Rowling made HUGE waves when she revealed that she "thought of" Dumbledore as gay in an interview... in 2007. Compare that to the intense coding 17 years before. Gaiman was - and still is - pushing boundaries.

Which includes being an established ally, particularly in his comics. Queerbaiting isn't just the act of a single work, but the way an author approaches their work. Gaiman does not (to my knowledge) have that mark against him and even if he did, he's done enough other work to offset that.

Finally, we've got other, practical issues like: how do you represent asexuality on the screen? How do you show an absence of something? Yeah, one or both of them could claim that label in the show, outright saying, "I'm asexual," but again, Gaimain isn't looking to box his mythological figures into a single identity. So if we want that rep... we have to grapple with the fact that this is one option for what it looks like.

Even if he did want to narrow the representation down to just a few identities for the show, should Gaiman really be making those major changes when he's only one half of the author team? Pratchett has, sadly, passed on and thus obviously has no say in whether his characters undergo such revisions. Even if fans hate every other argument, they should understand that, out of respect, Good Omens is going to largely remain the same story it was 30 years ago.

And those 6,000 years are just the beginning! Again, this was meant to be a miniseries of a single novel, a novel that, crucially, covered only Crowley and Aziraphale's triumph in being able to love one another freely. That's a part of their personal journey. Yeah, they've been together in one sense for 6,000 years, but that was always with hell and heaven on their backs, to say nothing of the slow-burn approach towards acknowledging that love, for Aziraphale in particular. We end the story at the start of their new relationship, one that is more free and open than it ever was before. They can be anything to one another now! The fact that we don't see that isn't a deliberate attempt on the author's part to deny us that representation, but only a result of the story ending.

So yeah, there's a lot to consider and, frankly, I don't think those fans are considering it. Which on a purely emotional level I can understand. I'm pissed about queerbaiting too and the knee-jerk desire to reject anything that doesn't meet a specific standard is understandable. But understandable doesn't mean we don't have to work against that instinct because doing otherwise is harmful in the long run. We need to consider when stories were published and what representation meant back then. We need to consider how we adapt those stories for a modern audience. We need to acknowledge that if we want the inclusivity that "queer" provides us, that includes getting characters whose identity is not strictly defined by the author as well as characters with overtly canonical labels. We need both. We likewise need to be careful about when having higher standards ends up hurting the wrong authors - who are our imperfect allies vs. those straight up unwilling to embrace our community at all? And most importantly, we have to think about how we're using the terms we've developed to discuss these issues. Queerbaiting means something specific and applying it to Good Omens not only does Good Omens a disservice, but it undermines the intended meaning of "queerbaiting," making it harder to use correctly in the future. Good Omens is not queerbaiting and trying to claim it is only hurts the community those fans are speaking up for.

[pale-silver-comb]

So I know absolutely nothing about Leverage except what I've been seeing you post lately and I have to admit you're making it look tempting to watch! Can I ask what are some of your favorite things about the show/reasons you would suggest people watch it? And is there really a poly relationship that is canon?

Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I am going to do my best not to just “asdfghkjl” at you and answer coherently.

In a nutshell, Leverage is about 5 people. 4 are criminals (Parker, Hardison, Eliot and Sophie) with different and unique skill-sets and 1 is an ex-insurance investigator (Nate) who, at one point or another in his career, has tracked down (or at least attempted to) the other 4. The whole show is essentially: man reluctantly reforms 4 criminals to use their criminal powers for good and 4 criminals move into man’s life and stubbornly refuse to leave because, goddammit, now they have morals. 

I’ve got a lot of favourite things about the show but the main ones are as follows:

1. Found family. And I’m not talking about loners who come together to fight crime and happen to co-exist to the point where they realise they happen to have found themselves a family. I mean, Nate and Sophie are the Drunk Uncle and Wine Aunt who somehow become Mom and Dad to 3 beautiful criminal children. Mom and Dad love their criminal babies and the kids love them (as well as each other, but we’ll come to that in a moment). You get amazing family moments such as: Mom and Dad packing the kids lunch before sending them out to kick corporate greed’s ass; Mom and Dad giving the kids ridiculously expensive and personal Christmas presents causing their most Grumpy Kid to go very very quiet and soft as he runs off to gleefully play with his new murder toy; the kids interrupting Mom and Dad’s big Movie Style Kiss to ask if they can please keep their new underground layer and huffing and puffing when Dad tells them no.

2. Found family: the OT3 edition. To answer your question, the OT3 is indeed canon, confirmed by the creator. Now, usually, “confirmed by the creator” infuriates me because most of the time it’s a way for a creator to be seen as “progressive” without doing anything to actually be progressive. That isn’t the case here. The OT3 are built up carefully and while it is obvious the creators didn’t originally intend for all 3 of them to become a relationship in the romantic sense, by mid-season 5 we are given a very clear picture of where Parker, Hardison and Eliot are heading in their relationship. There aren’t any kisses at the end to signal this but there are solid marriage vows in not only one but two episodes. (And by marriage vows I mean literal equivalents of marriage vows: “for better or worse” and “’til death do us part”. I’m not even exaggerating). The OT3 also doesn’t need explicit romantic narratives to convey how much they love each other. Their love is laced through the whole show, from the way they teach each other things to the way they respond to each other and work as a unit. The way they fiercely protect and admire each other. Like someone once said, if you need characters to kiss or say I love you to let the audience know they love each other, you are writing them wrong. 

Aside from that, each of the parings in the OT3 are just. Gah. They are so well done, with friendship being the solid basis for them all. The creators never expect the audience to assume anything about them or fill in the gaps. They give us their relationships on screen and reference many things off-screen to show us how these relationships continue to build in between episodes.

Hardison and Parker are a canon couple and date in the show: it’s approached slowly and they are so goddamned sweet. They are basically every fluffy slow-burn trope with a healthy dash of mutual pining in the mix. They are basically that quote “love is patient, love is kind”. (I would like to add their romance never becomes the focus of the show or overrides the importance of any other relationship they have with the other characters, especially Eliot.)

Hardison and Eliot are the Old Married Couple and from day one are already bickering and looking at each other/making comments that are found in every UST fic ever (not to mention Hardison has a very good knack for making Eliot grin like a little kid, when usually he’s basically an Angry Little Chef Man). They argue, they play, and love each other plain as day. 

Parker and Eliot are more subtle but every bit as wonderful. They have an unspoken connection and understand each other on a level no-one else can. Parker and Eliot are not good with giving themselves over to affection for different reasons (and Hardison plays a central role in helping them realise it’s okay to want it and have it- that boy has endless patience) but there is something so beautiful in the way the two of them come together on their own and develop their own special bond that works for them. Parker and Eliot are that trope where the characters don’t need to speak to understand each other perfectly. They just do. Their love language is a lot of the time non-verbal but speaks volumes. (Parker also likes to annoy the hell out of Eliot and Eliot....just.....lets...her. Because he’s soft. The softest, grumpiest boy.) 

I could go into so much depth for each pairing and their dynamics as a 3 but that's for another post.

3. Subverting stereotypes. There is the occasional hiccup in the show regarding stereotypes but ultimately, Leverage gets an A+ when it comes to writing characters and making them 3 dimensional people who are not defined by certain characteristics or events. Nate could so easily fall into the White Man Pain trope where he uses the trauma of losing his kid as a reason as to why he is entitled to act like a dick. Nate is a dick but he doesn’t use his pain to excuse it and I appreciate that. Hardison is a black man who is soft and nurturing. Easily the most empathetic and patient of the group. He’s nerdy, an actual genius, and has the biggest heart of all the characters. Nate is maybe the glue but Hardison is definitely the heart. Media’s usual aggressive, amongst other, racist stereotypes can fuck right off. Parker is canonically autistic (I am sure this was confirmed by one of the creators) and she is not defined by it. It’s not written as some kind of singular personality trait. It’s part of what makes up Parker but it’s only one facet of who she is and not once is her actions, thoughts or feelings treated like a joke. Sometimes people don’t understand why she does and says the things she does but it’s met with patience and fondness over the course of the show. Equally, it’s not met with over-caution. Parker is just Parker. No-one tries to change her. The other nice thing is Hardison, who always makes sure Parker knows she’s amazing because of who she is and not in spite of it. Finally, Sophie is in her 40s. She’s not treated like she’s past her prime. Ever. She’s sexy, smart and never is she pitted against or compared to Parker (who is younger) for anything. Sophie is amazing and there’s never even a conversation of “I may be older but I am still *insert adjective typically associated with younger women here*”. Sophie is possibly the first female character I’ve ever seen who isn’t just unapologetic about her age but has never had to apologise for her age. It’s a non-issue and that’s that. The women on the show are written so well, right down to secondary characters and it’s beyond refreshing.  

4.) It’s just fun. The show has a “monster of the week” type format. Except instead of a ghoul or a ghost, the monster is some corrupt wealthy and powerful individual or organisation. The show draws on real-life individuals to do this and therefore closely parallels real-life people and events. It addresses important political, economical, social and environmental issues while at the same time remaining fun and light-hearted. The characters constantly get the chance to play dress up and by GOD do they have fun with it. You get to watch Eliot beat up bad guys in the most delightful of ways, usually after a witty non-sequitur and with a weapon you’d never think could be a weapon. The dialogue and back and forth between the characters is everything. And finally - my favourite thing- the team can never resist striking a dramatic pose after they’ve taken down the bad guy, making sure the bad guy sees them. I mean, they COULD just walk away, satisfied they’ve taken the person down, but nope. They gotta be dramatic bitches 24/7 and pose like they are models for every single month of this year’s Criminal Calendar.  

5.) Competence Porn. So. Much. Competence Porn.  

Honestly, I could list a thousand reasons for why Leverage is amazing but to list them would to be spoiling so many amazing moments you’d get to discover for the first time on your own if you do choose to watch it. It’s the kind of show you can watch with an eagle-eye and sink your teeth into. But it’s also the kind of show if, you would prefer, put on in the background for something entertaining while you do something else. Each episode is about the job at hand but it’s made up of so many moments between the characters that show how much the creators and writers care about them. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll do whatever it is you do when something Soft and Wonderful happens that makes your heart melt. I am so beyond grateful for Leverage. It’s everything I always wanted in a show. Nearly every show I’ve watched in the past 10 years has disappointed me in some way, usually either because the writers run out of steam or characters who I love are treated poorly or given some kind of unnecessary “shock value” arc. Leverage doesn’t do that. Leverage is what it says on the bottle. Fandom isn’t something I joined because I needed canon fix-its. Fandom only enhances and celebrates an already excellent canon. 

[callonpeevesie]

Things that bother me about Percabeth

Warning: this is going to be long and I'm not even sure if this will make sense. Also don't read this if you aren't open to criticizms of Percabeth.

Percabeth is a good ship, or at least has potential as one, but it has many legit flaws (this and this go into the flaws. By the way, go check out @takaraphoenix's Riordan crit) and I have some personal grievances. I'll write this out to understand my stance better because I need to get this off my chest.

I believe most people wouldn't agree with me on all this, but this post is entirely self-indulgent and I'm doing this for catharsis, so don't come at me. This isn't an objective analysis, just me trying to clear my thoughts. But feel free to share your opinions if you want.

Evolution in PJO

This is a pretty general point. I love the evolution of their dynamic in pjo. Their bickering, them opening up to each other and becoming so important to each other, the slow and steady buildup, it's great. Heck, I love slow burn. They have some good moments in pjo: Annabeth opening up to Percy on the zoo express, the scene with the sirens, Percy doing everything he did to save Annabeth in ttc, their conversation after Annabeth took the knife for Percy in tlo. (The underwater kiss is not one of my favourite moments, I'll come to that later.)

The romantic evolution, though, I'm not sure. I enjoyed it in ttc, there were small subtle hints like Aphrodite's scarf, or Aphrodite looking like Annabeth to Percy. But it became kind of tiring in botl onwards. Annabeth was extremely possessive and awful to Rachel. And in tlo things became a bit over-the-top.

I think Rick tried to establish them as the Most Important Person to each other. I don't like that. This is more apparent in HoO. I'll come to hoo later, but there is one instance of this in tlo: Percy seeing Annabeth in the Styx. Like one of the posts I've linked above says, it's shippy nonsense. It comes from the idea that one's romantic partner must be the most important. It doesn't make sense. I think Percy should have seen his mother in the Styx. It would make sense for Sally to be Percy's anchor, considering how much she means to him.

In short, their enemies-to-friends evolution was great, their friends-to-lovers evolution started out fine but became too much for me, and their friends-to-Most-Important-Person-to-each-other evolution was unnecessary and forced.

Luke

Luke and Annabeth's romantic subplot didn't need to exist. This isn't exactly Percabeth, but I'll say it here anyway. First of all, there's a seven year age gap, so Luke returning Annabeth's feelings is creepy. And it seems pretty unnecessary to me. It's also a bit of a mess. In tlt Annabeth blushes when Luke is around, and Luke says 'She's like my little sister.' In tlo Luke asks Annabeth if she loved him, and she says 'You were like a brother to me.' This part feels like Rick trying to add last-moment tension to Percabeth by making Luke a potential 'rival' to Percy. In the Staff of Hermes Percy says Annabeth had a crush on Luke, and as she got older, Luke had a crush on her too. Just ... Why?

They and Thalia were each other's first friends. Annabeth looked up to Luke and Luke was fond of Annabeth. That is enough reason for Annabeth to be hurt and for Luke to care about Annabeth. That is enough to set up their post-betrayal dynamic. The romance thing was completely unnecessary.

Rachel

I absolutely hate the way Annabeth treated Rachel. If there is one thing I despise about romantic subplots, it's justifying bitchiness with romantic jealousy. I guess it's okay to feel a little jealous or even possessive, and I can kind of see where Annabeth was coming from, but treating someone like shit because of that, especially in the middle of dangerous quests, is not okay. It's petty and immature. (It could be argued that Annabeth was mad because Rachel got to lead her quest, but let's be honest, she wouldn't have been that mad if it were anyone else. She specifically treated Rachel like that out of jealousy.) It was never called out and Annabeth never seemed to regret it. This bothers me so much. Fanfiction is a good coping mechanism, I suppose, but I'm here to complain about canon, not cope with it.

Speaking of Rachel, Perachel could have been a good ship. A demigod looking for a normal life and a mortal with clear sight. This elaborates on that pretty well. At the end of tlo it really felt like Rick had to get Rachel out of the way to make way for Percabeth.

Annabeth seems to be too demanding

Annabeth's attitude towards Percy bothers me sometimes. She's a good character and has a strong dynamic with Percy, but she's a bit tiring with regards to Percy (in a romantic sense; she's fine as his friend). I mean look at this quote from tlo:

I can't pretend I hadn't thought about Rachel. She was so much easier to be around than ... Well, than some other girls I knew. I didn't have to work hard, or watch what I said, or wrack my brain trying to figure out what she was thinking.

Percy feeling that way about Annabeth - his best friend of four years - just doesn't sit well with me. Percy straight up admits he's more comfortable with Rachel than with Annabeth.

There's more: Annabeth punching Percy when he asked who he should dance with in ttc, the way she treated Rachel, the way she behaved towards Percy regarding Rachel in botl, judo flipping him in moa. It's pretty tiring in general. Now that I think of it, this wasn't a thing before the romance showed up. Their dynamic was better in the earlier books in general.

Also personally I'm not a fan of Annabeth constantly calling Percy Seaweed Brain. This and this nicely sum up how I feel about that. Annabeth making fun of Percy's intelligence even after getting to know him makes no sense, especially as he was insecure about his intelligence. (And yes, I know she thought he was intelligent, as she said in the Demigod Files, but that doesn't cancel out the million times she called him stupid to his face.)

They became too couple coded

I've seen people say that Percabeth is better as friends than as lovers, and honestly I agree, and I've done some thinking to figure out why. I think it's because of the way they were written after they became a couple. They could have been fine as a couple, if they were written differently.

They started out not being able to stand each other, then gradually, they went through a lot together, got to know each other, learned to work together, and became a team. That was a great evolution, like I said before.

And like I also said before, everything I dislike about Percabeth showed up with the romance. Annabeth became catty and possessive. They became a couple. And it was as if the friendship wasn't there anymore, just the romance. They became like a cliche unreasonable girlfriend and clueless boyfriend. This is especially obvious in the beginning of Percy Jackson and the Staff of Hermes. Where's the friendship? Where's the comfortable bantering? Where's the known-each-other-for-years soundness? Hoo Percabeth just doesn't live up to pjo Percabeth at all.

(Also this is a personal bias of mine, but I'm partially romance repulsed. I can't stand cheesy romantic coded stuff. I only like lovers if they're also friends. So I guess I'm kind of pissed about Percabeth becoming so couple coded after becoming a couple.)

Their HoO dynamic

This is a related point. Like I said, hoo Percabeth doesn't live up to pjo Percabeth. All they care about is each other. They literally don't think about anyone else at all. Percy loses his memory and he remembers Annabeth. Why? Does Hera ship Percabeth? If he remembered anyone, it should have been his mom, like in the Styx. The only reason Percy remembered Annabeth, i.e Annabeth was made out to be more important to Percy than everyone else (including Grover and Tyson and Sally 'best person in the world' Jackson) is that she was his romantic partner. Again, it's shippy nonsense.

And there's this reveal that Annabeth had a crush on Percy all along. Are you kidding me? It completely retcons the enemies-to-friends development. Are you telling me that the Percabeth evolution in pjo where they learned not to hate each other was a lie? That Annabeth gradually opening up to Percy and coming to appreciate him was her acting out of a crush? I'm not believing that, no way.

I'm probably not making any sense, but my point is that Percabeth in hoo in cheesy and can't go one day without each other and people love it but I don't. It kind of messes up their previous dynamic, which is a shame because I liked pre-hoo Percabeth.

Rick seems to go overboard sometimes

I'm about to get a little controversial here. Many of the Percabeth posts in those tumblr screenshots going around social media are about the campers shipping Percabeth, or Arachne making Percabeth fanart, things like that. My theory is that part of the reason Percabeth is so popular is that the characters ship it. And Rick kind of goes overboard with that - not just with the in-universe shipping, with the ship itself.

Prime examples of going overboard are Percy seeing Annabeth in the Styx and remembering Annabeth when Hera took his memory, which imply that Annabeth was objectively the Most Important Person to Percy. I've already ranted about these above so moving on to the part about the in-universe shipping. Like I said, I'm not a fan of the underwater kiss. It's because of the situation involved. The campers just won a war and lost their friends and siblings, Clarisse just lost Silena, you'd think they'd have other things to care about than Percy and Annabeth kissing, at least for one day. And why did Arachne make fanart of that? How did she even know? There was also the matter of moving to New Rome - them wanting to move halfway across country to live together, away from New York, doesn't really make sense to me. This post elaborates on that and suggests better alternatives.

Of course, the author has complete control over the narrative, and the author wants you to believe they are making sense. And when the characters believe that too, it becomes harder for readers not to. When all the campers ship Percabeth, it's enough to convince half the readers to ship it too. (And of course, the pjo fandom has an unhealthy thing with canon ships.)

It's pretty much kept up by the fans

While we're at it, let's talk about the out-of-universe shipping. The fandom has always shipped Percabeth, partly just because they are the male lead and female lead of a series. Percabeth was set up to happen, so when Rick introduced Rachel, who actually made Percy feel good about himself and let him be himself around her, and whom Percy was interested in, he had to get her out of the way. I'm not sure I can explain it, but the Percabeth ending in the first series feels very fan service-y to me.

Platonic Percabeth vs romantic Percabeth

I think everything I've said above just explains why Percabeth worked better as friends. The had a great friendship arc and became two friends who know each other inside out, butt heads a lot but love and respect each other deeply. And then when the romance happened, Annabeth began to show these romanticized but actually toxic girlfriend stereotypes - being jealous and possessive, expecting Percy to read her mind and getting pissed when he can't, etc.

The fandom thinks those traits are okay, because they are normalised in society. People think that's how couples should work (it's not). And so the reasons I don't like Percabeth are the same reasons many people do. The date in the beginning of Staff of Hermes makes me cringe, because they were friends first and friends don't work like that. But no doubt there are many people who find it cute because society loves to romanticise the unreasonable girlfriend and clueless boyfriend trope. There are plenty of people who romanticise Annabeth judo flipping Percy or treating Rachel like shit, because things like that are normalised but I personally can't stomach them at all.

Anyway, those toxic traits come with the Percabeth romance as a package deal and there's no getting rid of them. That's why Percy and Annabeth worked better as friends, and why I feel things would be better if they just stayed friends. There was none of that tiring crap pre-romance. I can't stress this enough, I really loved their friendship in tlt or som. But when their dynamic evolved to romance, it messed up their friendship. There was a specific moment in botl when Percabeth began to feel off for me.

'She will calm down,' Chiron promised. 'She's jealous, my boy.'

'That's stupid. She's not... it's not like...'

Chiron chuckled. 'It hardly matters. Annabeth is very territorial about her friends, in case you haven't noticed. ...'

I don't know why this moment specifically, but this kind of marked a change for me. This is where Percabeth became seriously romantic, and I didn't like the related developments. This was the beginning of Annabeth's jealousy.

So what would I prefer?

I'll be honest, I shipped Percabeth for a while, probably because I love some friends-to-lovers. So I was going to make a list of things I'd change about Percabeth. I wanted to make some self-indulgent UAs (universe alterations) to fix the things I don't like. But then I started writing this thing and read up on other posts and stuff and I realised the list of things that bother me is huge and I could never make Percabeth work for me without messing everything up. So I just gave up shipping it entirely.

What I would prefer is an AU where Percabeth stays platonic forever (@elf-loving-dragon has been encouraging that idea as well). They were great as friends and I want that back. It would be so refreshing to have the male lead and female lead not end up together. Annabeth could end up alone, and still get her something permanent with her friends and camp. It would be so beautiful if something completely romance-free was specifically stated as permanent, because friendships in media deserve as much love as romance.

As for Percy, he could end up either alone or with Rachel. I don't ship him with anyone else rn. While I have made it obvious that I like Perachel, I still don't know if I actually ship it, and the idea of Percy ending up alone is not too bad either. (Update: I stan platonic Percabeth and qpp Perachel now.)

I promise I'm done now. Whew. If you've made it to the end of this long repetitive introspection, congratulations. If you agree, feel free to tell me, and if you want to argue, go ahead, I wouldn't mind listening to others' opinions. If you read this and hate me because of this just keep that to yourself. I have no patience for people who attack those who don't agree with their ship. K thanks, bye.

[new2otomelol]

Maid to the Rescue - A KBTBB Fanfic - Part 4

Hey guys! Here’s my update. Thanks to those that read this! Love you all. Sorry it isn’t that great. Voltage owns the rights to KBTBB, I’m just writing a fanfic :-)

"What the heck kid, where ya been?!" Mamoru continues the line of questioning. So far, I have not been able to get a word in. The atmosphere in the vehicle is palpable and electric. I know the decision I made a year ago would affect others around me, but I honestly did not know what to expect. "Guys, please, slow down. I know and I apologize for not..."

"I mean, princess, you're like a badass all of the sudden! Baba interrupts. I slow down the vehicle as we near our location and enter a covered garage. "Guys, please, I will explain, but I need you to quickly put on the jackets, coats and hats that are in the back of the trunk. Come on, follow me."

The men do as told, but their expressions give away their state of confusion and unease. I hold on to the roof of the car and help propel myself to the trunk. Eisuke quickly comes around from the passenger side and helps me walk to the back. "Thank you..." I try to tell him, but notice he can't seem to stare me in the face.

I remove my arm from Eisuke and open the trunk. "Alright men, each bundle has a name on it, please put on your clothing. We will be walking to the bar where you will meet people from my team and we will go our separate ways to the same location. Mamo and Ota, you will ride with Net. Soryu and Baba, you will ride with Lucy. Eisuke, you will ride with me."

"Just who are these people, Lisa?" Eisuke asks me, I could hear the frustration in his voice. I know he's hurt and wants to know more, but I hope he can understand me better soon. "These are people that helped me tremendously through a tough time in life. They have assisted me in coordinating this operation to rescue you guys, so please, trust me in this."

"I know, but the bullet missed a major artery. It's just a matter of removing it and stitching the wound. I need to clean my leg a bit and we can go. Can you help by supporting me?" He grunts as if frustrated, but his eyes show nothing but concern and a bit of sadness. I proceed to clean the wound with some wipes left in the car, Nix is a gem for thinking of everything.

I turn around and proceed to remove my jacket, bullet proof vest and long sleeve shirt. I begin to pull and tug at my black dress that was hidden underneath all my protective clothing. I unbuckle my belt as well as Eisuke's belt from my leg and remove the pants. "Ngh... ouch, ouch, ouch..." as a bit of the burning sensation is felt on the leg, but the blood has slowed, thanks to the bullet still being imbedded. "What the heck do you think you're doing?" Eisuke rushes to my side, quickly helps pull my dress down and checks my leg. "That looks bad."

"I don't think you should be walking." Eisuke continues with his concern for me. "Yeah kid, ya don't look good." Mamo follows suit. "So what now?" Soryu asks. I manage to finish clearing the blood from my leg and step into my stilettos. Eisuke hovers near me to ensure I don't fall.

"Guys, this is not the first time I've been shot, I'll be fine. Now, let's go..." I tried to explain more; however, I shouldn't have mentioned my previous experience as Eisuke got angrier and scoffed. He takes my arm a bit more harshly and places it around his shoulders. "I should carry you." He says. "No, it would be too suspicious. Let them think I'm drunk and that you're helping me walk."

It takes a few minutes to arrive to our location as we parked near the bar. The smell of smoke instantly reaches us as we open the door. There are some people at the bar tending to their drinks, others playing pool and some just conversing with their friends. Oldies play from a juke box in the corner combining with the loud noise coming from the activity. It is a small bar that can be considered a hole in the wall, but it is exactly what we need to remain unnoticed.

The guys don't seem too impressed, but then again, they may also just be tired and hurt. "What is this dump?" Ota says. Never mind, they're not impressed.

"It's the dump where you meet us and leave safely." A short, blond-haired and curvylicious Lucy states as she approaches us. "Hi guys, I'm your date for tonight." She winks at Soryu and Baba. She struts her stuff in her form-fitting black dress and interlocks her arms with the men. "Go along with it guys, just pretend I'm your conquest and that you're driving me home, try to sell it though, think 'managetrois." She whispers. Luckily, the guys nod and move quickly with her, Baba takes her cue as she hugs both of them by the waist and he leans into her neck and kisses her ear. Lucy giggles away as they disappear by the exit.

"That leaves you and me Eisuke. Like I said, I'll pretend to be drunk and you're taking me home. Our car is parked to the side of the bar." He takes my arm once again and places it around his shoulders. We walk out of the bar as the cold night air greets us once again.

From the bar, a young, red-headed man turns from his seat and approaches us, "Alright losers. I'm your exit!" Net says to Ota and Mamoru. "Just pretend that you've had a shitty night and we're all buddies heading out." Mamo and Ota look annoyed, but go with it anyways, no other choice.

I giggle and swagger during our walk as he keeps his head down and out of sight. We get to a small red car and get in. I take out my phone and place it on the dash as I activate my GPS. "Here's the coordinates. Go ahead and drive the speed limit to the location. Keep your head covered with the hat."

"Why the secrecy, Lisa?" I sigh and take a deep breath. Time to tell him all of the truth. "Your enemy is the prime minister." Eisuke's hands tighten around the wheel, his knuckles almost turning white. "Why?" He manages to grunt out.

"A few years ago, when the auctions started, you had a tryst with a business woman. Turns out, she was one of his lovers, and boy did he love her. He was infuriated with you and so hurt by her that he sold her to an organization called AID to try and cover up their tryst. Mamoru had been involved in the investigation and he got too close to comfort. Should people discover the connection to AID and all the money he's received from them, it would be catastrophic. Ryuun also had ties to the prime minister and wanted assistance to get the Dragons back. The prime minister didn't mind, he wants more power, that means Soryu would have to be removed from the picture."

Eisuke exhales and clears his throat. "Okay, I get it. But why all this running around?" I shake my head and try to get the dizziness to stop. I really need to take care of this wound soon. "Because he has access to all of Tokyo, cameras, media, you name it. The helicopter captured footage of us being chased and we were able to hack and download the file before it was erased by the prime minister's team. We also don't want him to trace you and the guys until we get all this stuff together and expose the bastard, so we have to erase your tracks as best as possible, hence all this running around. Where we are headed to, you will be safe for a couple of days."

Eisuke looks frustrated, but pensive as he takes all of the information in. "There are also connections to Nishina, Ozaki as well as the fact that Baba has stolen a few items and he just really doesn't like Ota. He refers to you guys as the rat pack and hates that you're gaining ground worldwide with your businesses. He's hired many to go after you, the masked man being the most loyal. My group as been investigating the prime minister for a while now. He has also ruined the life of the young man you met earlier due to his personal ties to him; not to mention the disappearance of his twin brother."

I feel so tired and just wish I could close my eyes. "HEY! Don't you dare! Stay with me Lisa! I just found you again, you're not leaving me!" I shake my head again to wake myself up and slap my cheeks a little. "I know, I know, sorry, I'm just tired. Eisuke, I'm really sorry for not having kept in contact with you all. I wasn't mad at you and didn't disappear for those reasons."

"I thought about that at first." Eisuke says. "But I found it strange that I couldn't find you, not even after a few days, then that turned into weeks and here we are... I thought you were kidnapped, or worse, killed, because of me!" the last line he states with a bit more anger to it.

"Listen, I never knew what we were to each other. One thing is for sure, I knew for certain, and still know, that I love you with all my heart. What I did wasn't to hurt you or anyone else." Eisuke slams his hand on the steering wheel. "Really? then why, WHY did you do it?" I wasn't expecting this much anger, but I have to let it all out, as calmly as possible.

"If you researched me, then you know about me, my family and how everything looks from the outside. A pretty family portrait on the surface with a disturbing story underneath. My mother was a caring person in the beginning, but slowly she changed. To sum it all up, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a real thing and she has it. I was criticized on a daily basis, nothing was ever good enough for her. She pitted my father against me and the years of emotional/verbal abuse took their toll."

I take a deep breath as all these memories I had burried deep inside come to surface. "She started developing paranoia or schizophrenia, I can't remember which one, and it got worse. I grew up with the notion that I wasn't going to be worth getting to know, that no man would want me, as she put it. I was too stupid, simple, ugly, you name it." The car turns on to a different road and I close my eyes for a second.

"HEY! Stay with me, keep talking!" Eisuke wakes me from my haze and I continue. "When things happened at the Tres Spades, it had barely been a couple of months after I had left my house to be on my own. My father became her next target and I didn't have the strength to fight anymore. I later learned many things through friends and co-workers about these conditions and it helped me put it all into perspective... That day when you 'broke up' with me publicly, I decided to build the person I wanted to be. So I left in search of new things and found a friend who was able to teach me so much about everything, especially computers."

"LISA! You better fucking stay awake and complete that thought!" I come to again and begin to laugh. "All in all Eisuke, I love you and I hope you love me as well, even after a year, after I left. Please don't be mad at me, but I'm just sleepy, didn't get much sleep last niiight..." and with that, my world goes black.

"It took time, but I was able to rebuild my confidence, become stronger and forgive. I needed to let go of the anger, hurt and frustration from all those horrible years with her. I accepted the fact that I didn't really have a mother and that she would not change and just let it go and continue to pray for her safety and health. My father, unfortunately, was not able to make it after he got seriously ill and passed away a few months ago." I take a deep breath and lay back on my seat. "Eisuke, there hasn't been a day I don't think about you. I just wanted to be able to be at my best, filled with confidence and not rely on you for my happiness. I want to be your partner, your friend, your support..." I start to see black spots for a second.

[feelthepainofdodick]

Love For Hire - Ch. 3 - (D.D. x Reader)

Summary: David hires you to be his fake girlfriend for a month to get the diza stans off his back. This experience is the craziest thing that has ever happened to you and the emotional consequences that ensue are something you never expected.

Notes: I know Carly and Bruce just broke up but I just basically finished editing as they announced so if yall don’t wanna read and just wallow I understand but the next chapter of Love For Hire is here for yall when yall are ready. Also! Thank you to the people sending in requests! its so exciting. Thank you all truly. Im going to start writing them asap. Should be up by tonight or tomorrow. One last thing, this series truly is a slow burn. I have a million ideas for this series so there will be a lot of chapters. Hope yall love a good slow burn because that is exactly what this is. Much love, Julie

Word Count: 1775

CHAPTER ONE - CHAPTER TWO

“DDDDAAAVVVIDDDDDDDD!” You hear someone yell from inside the house as Natalie opens the glass door to their home. You follow behind them as they walk in taking off their shoes, you do the same. 

This tall, multi-hair colored man hugged David and looked in my direction. He let go of David and said with a grin, “Well, David who did you bring home?” Looking at me from top to bottom. He walked over to me and gave me a big bear hug. “Hi. I’m Zane.” You struggled to breathe as the hug was very tight. David hit him on the side making him let go of you. “Don’t suffocate her dumbass.” He says to Zane, making him let go. “This is (Y/N).” 

“And how come I’ve never met (Y/N), David.” He glared at David while putting his arm around your shoulder walking over to the living room where other people you didn’t know were sitting.

“Because I just met her about thirty minutes ago.” He said as we all sat on the couch. You are now sitting in between Zane and this boy with blonde hair and many tattoos. 

“Ummm? What? Who are you (Y/N)?” Zane says with his full attention now on me.

“Well… I’m (Y/N) and I’ve been hired to be David’s fake girlfriend for a month.” You say casually. Multiple gasps come from people you have yet to meet but Zane just starts laughing. So hard that it makes the others start laughing.

When he finally stops, he looks over at David. “Couldn’t get a girl to date you so you had to hire one, huh?” He says beginning to laugh again.

David looks around, cheeks flushed, “you know I’m not looking to date anyone Zane. You all know how hard its been to be Liza’s ex boyfriend. I have a lot of press coming up within the next month so I’m giving everyone a distraction. (Y/N) is everyone’s distraction.” He says gesturing towards you like a shiny toy. The rest of the group nods in understanding.

The rest of the night is filled with music, jokes, meeting everyone, and many cameras. You were able to introduce yourself properly to the rest of the people there. You met Matt, Heath, Scott, and Joe. They were all extremely nice and took to you as a little sister type. They all felt so comfortable and homey. You then met the girls there; Carly, Erin, and Corinna. You instantly clicked with them. They were a perfect mix of funny, girly, down to earth, but also had a slight edge to them that made them not feel like superficial girls. It was a little surreal hanging out with the vlog squad after doing so much research on them in the plane but you just clicked with them just like you hoped you would.

Slowly one by one people started leaving David’s house to go home. First Corinna, to go stream. Heath next to go back to his girlfriend Mariah. Carly and Erin next to go to their respective apartments and boyfriends. Then Scott and Joe to also go back to their homes and girlfriends. Then lastly, Zane and Matt to go back to the house they shared. When everyone was gone, Natalie showed you to your room, when you did some light unpacking, you went out to the living room to find David on his computer and Natalie lying on the couch scrolling through her phone. You casually sit on the love sac across from them. “So are you guys ready to talk details?” You say trying not to be too forward but wanting to know details because this was, in fact, your job.

Natalie looks over to David and nods. Natalie sits up. “So, the main objective we were hoping to accomplish with hiring you is to distract people from David’s ex relationship for press. Do you know about David and his youtube?” She questions.

You nod. “I did my research during the flight, I have a general idea of who you all are.”

“Okay great! I’m sure you’ll learn smaller things to make the fake relationship more believable as you continue hanging out with us. So we need you to be a subtle affectionate kind of girlfriend. We do have cameras on nearly all the time. So just hang out with David as if you two are best friends and throw in some touches, some kisses on the cheek, overall general closeness. You’ll attend any events he has to do, but we all attend them so it’s not just you alone. You will have to act the part of a lot of the time. How does that sound? Am I scaring you?” She asks concerned.

“No! No no. I’m fine. Just a lot of information at once. I just want to make sure its not weird. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable David.” You said now looking over to David who was still looking at his laptop. “Because I’m completely willing to act the part but obviously we are not actually dating and I don’t want things to be weird.” David is now looking at you. He sighs, pushes his laptop over to the side, and sits closer to Natalie to face you. 

“I don’t think it’ll be weird. I think the only thing I’m hesitant about is that I just don’t know you. I want to know you so I can act normal around you, so I can act like a fake boyfriend. The fans know when I’m doing anything off. They can smell lies through the screen. But if we are actually friends then I think we can fool them, especially since they don’t know you so they haven’t learned to tell when you’re lying.” He smiles softly.

You smile back. “Well I’m an open book! Either of you can ask me anything that will make you feel more comfortable with me.”

David and Natalie look at each other then back at me. “Why are you an escort?” David asks nervously.

You smile solemnly at them. “I’m broke, is the short answer. I went to college for marketing but couldn’t get any job after it. I would apply to every PR firm in Boston and the state but nothing ever happened. I didn’t have the connections I should of made in college. My dad died during my junior year so I was super withdrawn during the prime time for internships and networking. When I finally graduated, I was jobless and homeless. I couch surfed for a while and that’s when I started escorting. I was objectively pretty and I needed money. It was definitely dark at first because I was so desperate for money that I did every job I was offered. When I finally got enough money, I got a tiny studio in Boston, was able to get a shitty deli job, and survive off only doing not sketchy escort gigs every once in a while. This escort job gives me the time to apply and try and catch up on the things I missed out on to further my career. So here I am, pretending to be your fake girlfriend for a job but also the whole social media thing intrigued me. Thought it could help me learn from experience about PR and stuff. Just thought I’d be up front about that.” You finally finish, sighing a long sigh, and looking over their faces. You could tell they were sympathetic but there was no pity in their eyes. You were grateful. “Oh god, enough about my sob story. The real question is, are there actually ghosts that love only Natalie in this house? Because I think that may be a deal breaker.” You say sarcastically.

They both laugh. Natalie nudges you lightly. “You really did do your research.”

The rest of the night is spent getting to know each other. You learn all about them. How they grew up together. David’s start in the social media space. Natalie moving to LA to be his assistant. The empire he has built for himself. In turn they ask you all about yourself. Living in Boston, your family, college, high school, ex boyfriends, your best friend, and your opinions on the most random stuff. That’s definitely something you and David connected on, going on random tangents about the wonders of the universe. You didn’t think anyone else thought like that but here he was. 

It was nearing 3AM and you all needed sleep. They told you they had some plans to film at a friend's house the next day. You left the living room, into your room, excited for the next day. You felt connected to Natalie, David, and even the other vlog squad members in a way you couldn’t explain. It felt like you connected a puzzle piece correctly to the puzzle that is your life. It has been a long time since you felt that way. You drifted off to sleep with a smile on your face.

You woke up to no alarm, just the sound of chatter in the living room. You woke up and got ready for the day. As you walked into the living room you see Natalie talking on the phone, you wave, and make your way over to the kitchen. As you look through the fridge Natalie walks up behind you and says, “Hey, don’t worry about breakfast. I just postmated a bunch off breakfast stuff from IHOP.” You smile, going over to sit at the kitchen island, “sounds great, thank you Nat.”

When the postmates comes in and it set up on the kitchen island is when David decides to come out of his bedroom to eat everything. It’s nice and comfortable eating with them. Some light witty banter, lots of shoving food into mouths by David, and just pure ease as you all eat. The second we finish eating, David wipes his mouth with his sleeve, and says, “Okay! You ready to go” Looking at both Natalie and you. Slightly startled you just nod and within seconds you are in his Tesla riding somewhere. His camera settled in the car so all three of you are shown. You came to the conclusion last night that if a camera was on and near you that you had to play the part. This was your first go, and you were ready to embrace this job for what it was, so you looked at David and smiled sweetly with a look of love for the camera to see. This was the official first day of being David Dobrik’s real fake girlfriend.

-

Tags: If you want to be tagged let me know... @duh-dobrik @live-awkward @roxyedobrik @duhdobrik 

[canumoveurseatup-no]

Underestimated  Butterfly(Natasha x Afro-Asian)

Summary: one thing you hate is being underestimated and you’re put to the test when your dead past comes back to life

Pairing: Natasha x Afro-Asian!Reader

Warnings: This is a slow burn, choppy ending, detailed fighting and injuries, mentions of death, blood, uuuh ANGST

A/N: I’m not fluent in Japanese yet so I’m sorry if the Romanization is really bad/ not absolutely accurate. 

A/N: y’all are killing it with being active and it honestly makes me happy! Please comment, reboot and like. Depending on how fast this gets to 100 the faster you guys get Myself pt.2!!!!!

——————-

“Go ahead and underestimate me. It’s okay. You’re not the first and you sure as hell won’t me the last. But you will be wrong”

———-

You went through your own version of the Red Room, but back home in Japan it was completely different. The process was much more extensive, the punishments were much more... gruesome. Everyone here underestimated you and stuck you in the quinjet as pilot in case they all needed a fast escape out of a messy situation. This is not what you signed up for.

You’ve caused an uproar to Steve about it, but he wasn’t listening. His excuse was, “the more people out in the field, the higher the risk for casualties,” what a crock of shit, you could hold your own, but they didn’t see that. 

You sat on your mat in a seiza posture in the gym listening to your kigaku instrumental music as you meditated. You knew they had an issue with how you trained it wasn’t like theirs. You meditated. You used your knowledge from Chō No Niwa. But they never saw what you could really do and it was a pity because you felt like all you’ve suffered from was for nothing. 

You heard the door to the fitness area creak open, you squinted one eye open to see Natasha, someone you adored from afar but could never really get with her closed off attitude. You knew she had a reason, but that’s not something you felt like you could handle while trying to pursue a relationship. Though you really wanted to, she just had a habit of pushing you away.

The music continued and you felt the notes of the koto run through you like a river. You stretched your legs out and reached now the middle humming along a with soft notes of the song. Natasha started playing her pumped up music on the other side of the gym and it completely threw you of kilter. 

“Could you maybe... put your headphones in or hold off for a few more minutes I’m almost done with my zazen. I just need to focus for a little bit longer,”

“This has always been my scheduled time and during that scheduled time I like to listen to music that pumps me up so I can get in the kick ass mood,” she sent a smirk your way and you wanted to wipe it right off her face.

“You know,” you just stared at her, “maybe if you guys had some faith in me, I could be out there kicking ass with you too,” 

She scoffed at your words, “We don’t know much about you Y/N. We’re just raiding the terrain. You have no backstory, no files. Almost as if you don’t exist and then Fury just brings you out of nowhere saying you’d be a perfect asset. Why is that?,” 

You hated that they didn’t trust you. You’ve been here for almost a year now and all you’ve done is steer that damn quinjet.

“Have you thought they maybe not everything is meant for you to know?,” you snatched up your mat, rolling it up and grabbing your radio.

You stormed out the gym and rushed to your room. You hated this. You didn’t spend years of your childhood into your early adulthood suffering to be treated like this. You threw your mat on the ground once you entered your room. 

You took a breath in, holding it so you didn’t lose your cool. You did Zazen so you could stay calm in situations like this, where people pissed you off.

You showered in peace. You music playing low in the background.

“Watashi wa kashō hyōka sareteimasuga, watashi wa yowaide wa arimasen” - I am underrated, but I am not weak, you mumbled to yourself over and over again until you believed in yourself enough.

You wiped over your face in the mirror. You stared dead into your own eyes, stoic as could be.

“Sore wa karera ga sugu ni mitsukeru toiu jijitsudesu,” - That is a fact that they will find soon. 

———————

Once again, sitting on your mat in the gym, you made sure you picked a slot that Natasha didn’t have scheduled. 

Raising your arms above your head you slowly exhaled bringing them back down. Humming along with your music once again as you find your center of gravity. The music flowing through you like a river.

It fuels you, when it flows through you, you know you’re adrenalized. Each pluck of the koto vibrating each cell within you, it awakened you, brought you to life and you had no way to release it. With no way to fight, no way to get it out, your abilities were useless. You couldn’t overcharge like this. You remember your instructor’s words.

“Ka jūden denshi wa sonshō o hikiokoshi, seinō o teika semasu” - An overcharged battery causes damage and reduces performance. 

No good could come out of you if you just sat here charging yourself up with no way to release and charge up again. It’s pointless to keep charging something that isn’t even being used, something that has a percentage that doesn’t decrease from usage.

“Takahashi.” Natasha called from the door, “Quinjet, lets go,”

You quietly groaned to yourself. You didn’t even pack your stuff up, you just turned your radio off and ran behind her carrying everything with you. Once you were on the quinjet you didn’t change into your suit. What was the point? You weren’t going out to fight anyway. You spoke to no one as you sat in your pilot seat. This thing had friggin’ autopilot, why were you even here? 

Tony told you to coordinates and you knew those coordinates from anywhere- from your years back in Japan.

“Why are we heading to Japan?,” a pit settled in your stomach.

“For vacation,” Sam’s facetious tone rang through your ears.

You snapped your head towards him and scowled, “Now is not the time,”

“We have word that there is a facility training some of the world’s top assassins. It’s known by the name-,”

“-Chō No Niwa,” the words rolled of your tongue in distaste.

Steve frowned at you, you hadn’t even read the file, how did you know?,”

“Exactly... H-how, how did you know?,” 

You just stared at him for a bit before putting in the coordinates, “Maybe read closer on my file next time and notice what my nationality is,”

You turned around and flicked on all the switches, “Sit down and buckle up,” 

~~~~~~~~~

You turned the quinjet on autopilot and listened as Steve briefed everyone on a video that leaked into the media of the assassins. 

“They are ruthless!,” Wanda commented.

Of course we are, you thought, we wouldn’t be who we are if we weren’t.

“Their instructor goes by the name E-Ein,” Tony stuggled with the name.

“Einosuke Gen’ichirō,” you corrected.

“It looks like they’re doing some type of dance as they fight, it’s amazing,” Bucky leaned in closer to the video.

“It’s called Yosakoi,” you stated, “It’s not so amazing if you’re on the receiving end of one of those fans or katanas,” you chuckled.

“How do you know so much about them? Have you dealt with them before?,” Clint questions.

You spun in your chair and just stared, questioning if you’ve said too much. You’ve done all you could to erase the past and what you’ve gone through. But they already don’t trust you, keeping quiet or spilling everything could result in them not trusting you even more. You can’t seem to win for losing.

“Takahashi, we asked you a question,” Nat waves her hand.

You were caught in a flashback

You were all kneeling on the floor, waiting for your turn to perform for the Puraimu No Mono. You watched as your sister’s arms gracefully waved in the air, legs swooping, fan waving. 

She was doing amazing until she caught sight of the second head Prime. She got nervous and tripped on herself. Instant tears flew to your eyes. You knew what that meant. There was no excuse for a mess up, especially not in front of the other Primes that come all this way to see our progress. The small drum rang and she knelt down beside you, her breathing was heavy but no tears came to her eyes, how can she not be crying in this moment?

The head Prime, our instructor, knelt before her with a katana in his hand, unsheathing it and handing it to her. She looked at you with the most saddening smirk before saying 

“Anata ga tatakaitsuzukeru yō ni watashiwa hokori ni naru. Hana wa futabi watashitachi no tame ni sakimasu.” - I will be proud that you keep on fighting. The flowers will bloom for us again.

Her yukata became stained instantly, but you couldn’t scream or cry out or else you’d suffer the same punishment. You’re here today because of her, because you kept fighting.

“Earth to Y/N Takahashi, helloooo,” Sam waved a hand in your face.

“They’ll kill me if they see me,” you swallowed the lump in your throat.

“What? Why?,” Thor asks.

“We’re called Batafurai Samurai. Butterfly Samarai in translation,” You quickly blinked your eyes from spilling tears. You haven’t cried in years and you sure as hell wouldn’t now, not in front of a team that underestimated you so much, “Chō No Niwa is our home. The Butterfly Garden in English,” 

Everyone’s face was twisted in confusion or interest.

“Just know, they do not do well with trying to be stopped. What they do, you guys have never seen before. They can disarm and kill super soldiers like they’re centipedes,” you eyed Bucky and Steve.

“We’re so fast your arrows and bullets are nothing compared to us. We’ll injure you before even a spark of lightening can be struck. We’re so fast with the katanas that your thighs of death don’t stand a damn chance,” you spat out the words like poison and glared at Natasha.

“We’re contortionists, aerialists, marksman. We know every single form of fighting and defense there is from kenpo to fucking street fighting. We know how to hide in plain sight. We’re enhanced with the best biotechnology to keep us young, strong, fast. We know how to make it so we pretty much don’t exist. We know damn near every language under God’s blue sky. We’re worked day and night. That’s how we got so good. It’s so much more different than any other assassin facility you have come in contact with.” you tried to find your center of gravity so you didn’t get overwhelmed.

You pointed to the radio beside Sam and told him to hit the on and play button. Beautiful plucks of the koto rang through the speakers and you instantly calmed.

“You didn’t think to tell us this?,” Steve’s expression was unreadable.

“I never planned on going back home. Let alone be on a trip with you guys to shut it down,” your voice barely above a whisper, “With obviously being nothing more than your fucking pilot I didn’t think I had a say in anything but... this is my level of expertise so I guess I’d speak up,”  You turned back to the dash of the quinjet, you can feel their eyes burning holes through the chair.

“You’re going to face children out there,” you mention, “Don’t hold back, remember they’re trained assassins,” 

“You’re not just our pilot. We’re just trying to get a feel for you,” Bruce tried to lower the tension.

“By making me fly a metal boomerang for ten months?,” you looked over your shoulder. You caught sight of your suit trunk, in it was the very katana that killed your sister. As dark as it might sound it was your lucky charm when fighting or practicing alone in your own living area, it was like she was still there with you. 

“Our moves are hypnotizing, do not let them distract you,” you warned.

“Why don’t you come and fight with us?,” Steve asks.

You turn around your stare bores into his soul.

“Is that a joke?,” you clenched your jaw, “I’ve been on this team for ten months and now you want me to fight? Would you have asked me if this was just some normal facility you’re used to? It’s because you’re scared,” you hit the nail right on the head. No one else outside the team knows this but they do in fact get scared when they’re met with forces they’re unfamiliar with. Whether they admit it or not you always knew.

“I’m asking you to fight because you clearly know this territory better than anyone. I just want everyone to go back home safe and alive, Y/N,” 

You wondered if it was even worth it. What if you’re caught and that was the end of the line for you? You hadn’t fought another batafurai in years, what if you lost your touch? But then you remembered you had so much charge in you, you could be undefeated. This was your chance.

You stood up from your seat and got the key from your necklace to unlock the trunk. Your suit lied there, untouched and beautiful. You undressed right in front of them, not caring about their eyes on you. You wrapped your yukata around yourself, tying a tight knot in the back. Your sleeves big a flowy like wings, butterfly wings. The black and white floral yukata reached to right above your knee. You slicked your legs with oil and wrapped your feet and knees up in bandage before slipping on and strapping up your tabi boots. 

You tightened your katana sheath across your shoulders, swiftly taking the katana and placing it on your back. You do your best to tighten your hair up in a tight bun with the clips that were in the bottom of your trunk. Taking your fan of blades, you place it in your hair and you’re done. You take a deep breath in and you feel your heart beating, the rhythm like whooshing wings. 

Raising your hands above your head, you exhale and bring them down.

“Watashi ni tōshi shita chikara de, watashi no tsubasa noshita ni kaze ga nagareru yō no shitekudasai.” - Please let the wind blow under my wings with the power invested in me.

______________

You landed right out in the filed in front of the training facility. Not much has changed. They did however brighten the place up, it looked less dull.

“This is my old home. This is the place I ran away from,”

The gates opened and there you saw the head Prime standing there with his army of butterflies. When it’s put like that it doesn’t sound so vicious, but once they start moving it’s like Armageddon in a beautiful way. They were expecting you guys.

“Tabun watashitachi wa anata ga ikiru yo ni naru, ima sugu shuppatsu sureba.” Words fast, a child in the front said. 

“W-what was that?,” Rhodey questioned.

“They’ll spare us if we leave,”

“Not unless you stop what you’re doing here,” Steve said.

You rolled your eyes at him. You stepped forward 

“Kore o teishi shi, wareware wa nokoshimasu,”

The same child pointed at you, their face blank, “Niwa e no uragirimono,”

“What did she say that time?,” Tony’s voice echoes from his suit.

“I am a traitor to the garden,” 

“While I’d like stand here a little longer and gaze at the beautiful palace, we have a job to do,” Natasha sent a smirk to the team. 

“This is a dangerous game we’re about to play, Natalia,” you grimaced at her and she seemed taken aback that you used her real name.

“If we’re gonna run in there like a herd of cattle be smart,” you gritted your teeth.

“You don’t just fight them, you flow with them, you dance, you fly,” 

They didn’t seem to understand me.

“Stand back for a few and just watch me,”

“I’m sorry but I don’t think you can take on a whole court of samarais by yourself,” Bucky scoffed.

You stared straight ahead and removed your katana from your sheathe.

“Go ahead and underestimate me. It’s okay. You’re not the first and you sure as hell won’t me the last. But you will be wrong,”

You looked across the court, eyeing the different colors of everyone’s yukatas.

“The ones wearing yellow are the weakest ones but they’re still strong. Go for any pressure point in the neck. Those wearing purple are up in the tier, you’ll have to get close enough to get them right in the glabella. It’s weird but it’ll weaken them, it’s a weak spot, pressure point. Orange, they’re fast, too fast for any of you, even from up above,” You look at Tony and Rhodey.

“Those wearing black like me.. we’re the strongest. We’re almost unstoppable. You have to pull a move that’s hard to perfect. The Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique. You powerfully jab your fingertips into five different pressure points around their heart. They take five steps and their hearts explode. It’s a hard technique to perfect. Only the best of the best can properly execute it,”

“Are you the best of the best?,” Natasha taunts

Not for a second do you take your eyes off the butterflies.

“We’ll all have to wait and see,”

“We don’t want to kill anyone Y/N,” Steve shook his head warily.

“Then you don’t want to stop them,” You smirk at his words, “Once Einosuke gives them the go they don’t stop until we’re dead,”

The whole court had their eyes on you, they all wanted to get the chance to kill the traitor of the garden, they’d earn the most highest praise and would get the opportunity to become a Prime.

Gen’ichirō smiled at you and you knew you’d have to fight for your life. You always knew you’d have to once you were actually out in the field, though this is not the fight you’d expected.

He raised his hand and pointed to you speaking the simple words, “Watashi ni kanojo o motarasu,”  Bring her to me.

You spare your team a quick glance, “Stand down until you see how I move against them, no questions,”

An orange batafurai runs towards you screaming, “Niwa no tame ni!,” For the garden! 

You charge towards her and she swings her sword first which was a big mistake on her part. With her arm extended out, you jump up in the air, the wind flowing beneath the sleeves of your yukata. With pointed toes you stepped on her forearm sending your sword down and through her. Your feet gracefully land on the ground and you feel her blood running down your sword and onto your hand.

You look up at Gen’ichiro smirking, “Tobimashō.” Let’s fly.

The entire court starts to head for you, but he doesn’t send any black butterflies, he sends the younger ones. He’s preserving his prized possessions. 

The yellow batafurais attack first. Their legs swooping, wings flowing. To the others on the team it was mesmorizing. 

“Guys, Y/N said don’t get distracted,” Thor mentions. This snaps them out of their hypnosis and they get ready to fight on your go.

They hear all the whooshing and clank of your katanas but they could not tear their eyes off of you. You are as graceful as could be, and yet they kept you on the side lines for this long?

It was like you were dancing on air, the ground wasn’t even a thing to you. 

“Now!,” you called out to everyone.

You begin to hear the gun shots but they’re not coming in contact with anyone. You literally just told them bullets didn’t phase them.

You were doing aerials and tumbles all along the court. The others were pretty much just stalling, they could’ve stayed on the quinjet for all of this.

There were so many bodies lying around you. Bucky was still going at it with an orange batafurai, you just wanted this to end. You heard him grunting and trying his best to fight her off but he was cutting it close. Taking your fan, you ran towards them, sliding on your knees, you slice the batafurai’s Achilles and she called out screaming, dropping to her knees, you stand up and swiftly swipe your fan against her neck. She instantly fell over choking and that was that. 

You stood in front of the steps, staring and analyzing the girls that would have been your sisters had you stayed. There’s only four of them and they were wearing masks, meaning these were his strongest samurais. 

“Anata no gijutsu wa zusanna eteimasu,” Gen’ichirō laughs at you.

You turned to the others and shake your head with a shameful smirk, “Sore wa machigainai shikashi, kono chō wa shibaraku no ma, kēji ni tojikomerareta. Anata wa nani o kitai shimashita ka?,”

“What is being said right now?,” Steve asks.

“He said my skills are sloppy and I told him I’ve been cooped up in a cage for a while so what did he expect,” you shrugged your shoulders.

“Anata wa niwa no saikō no Takahashideshita. Dono yōna muda,” he shakes his head as he stepped back and let the four batafurai come forward, “Sore wa kazoku no naka ni nakerebanarimasen. Anatano imōto o mite,” 

“FRIDAY, what was that?,” you heard Tony asking the AI to finally translate,. 

“He told Y/N she was the best in the garden but she is now a waste. It must be in the family. Look at her sister for example,” you heard her voice.

“Don’t you ever mention Azumi again in your life,” you clenched your jaw. No one knew you had a sister and the very person who had her execute herself had the nerve to bring her up.

“Did I strike a nerve little butterfly?,” his laugh sickened you. 

Without thinking you sent your katana flying across the steps and right into his stomach.

He fell to the ground choking, holding the handle in pain.

“Hurts doesn’t it? The same one you had Azumi use. How poetic,” your voice trembled, “Go ahead then. Take it out!,”

Watching him was like watching your sister all over again.

“You can’t stop us,” Einosuke sputtered, blood coating his lips and teeth.

“Keep underestimating me,” You picked up one of the dead batafurai’s katanas and gripped it tight, this will do until you could get your other one back, “It only fuels me more. You of all people should know that,” 

His body fell over and the four batafurai took their masks off. You scanned them and once you got to the last one your soul left your body.

“Azumi,” you gasp.

“I no longer go by Azumi. You will address me as Sunako,” 

You watched her die. You fucking watched her die! How is she standing in front of you?

“I watched you die, Azumi,” 

She sent her fan flying toward you, the blades cutting your face. She caught the fan back in her head.

“Einosuke gave me another chance once the other Primes left that day. He saved me, made me reborn. I was healing but you were a coward and ran. You were weak. We don’t spare cowards, no matter the relations.”

“Az- Sunako you can end this!,” You pleaded.

“I have a job to finish, Y/N. As did you but unlike you, I’m strong enough to finish it,” 

Her voice was so monotone, robotic almost. 

“We don’t really have time for a family reunion, Y/N. If you don’t snap out of it she’s gonna kill us,”

“Natasha, for one got damn second!,” you snapped, “Just one fucking second will you SHUT UP!,”

There had to be a way for you to get to her.

“We would cry together,” You whispered, “We would cry together and talk about how we would get out of here because they were making us into monsters,”

“Those were childish plans, Y/N. They’re making us strong. They’re building us to survive, to be better. To be worth something!,” 

“And you’re worth something by killing people?,”

“You just slaughtered the whole school of batafurai, sister,” She tilted her head and smirked at you, “You can wear the mask of an Avenger but you still have the blood of a batafurai, you can’t unlearn all they’ve taught us. Without that, you’d be the one lying lifeless amongst us,” 

“Alright, I’ve had enough. I’m bored,” Tony sighs.

“Tony, No!-” 

He sent a blast to one of the other batafurai and with her katana, she countered his attack, sending the blast right back, sending Tony across the court.

“Oh my God,” you slapped your hand over your mouth.

“We’ve got incoming. We should be able to take them right? There’s only four,” Clint nervously chuckled.

Gripping the hand of the katana harder, your sister came towards you with the black wing katana. The most famous katana in the history of the Batafurai Samurai. 

“Azumi, stop!,” You brought your katana up, fighting against someone who you thought was dead. It’d been 11 years and you’d silently mourn her in flashbacks and nightmares.

Her katana cut through your yukata and got your arm pretty good

“Fuck!,” you screamed, the cut burning deep.

Everyone else was being tag teamed. You told them how good they were. There’s how many of you guys and you’re getting your asses handed to you by four samurais.

With each swing from you she dodge it perfectly, she was slicing you up like vegetables and you were finding it hard to keep fighting. 

“Azumi, it’s me, Y/N, your sister,” your yukata was becoming damp but you weren’t giving up, not yet.

“I only know you as a traitor to the garden,” she hissed.

You saw an opening and swooped your leg under her, knocking her down. You flipped over her to help take care of the others. 

“Steve!,” Him and Bucky were fighting against a batafurai that was kicking their ass with hair chopsticks from her buns, he took a second to look at you and you tossed him your fan.

He easily caught it and swung it, slicing the girls arm, she cried out and Bucky kicked her on her back as you came up through his legs driving the katana into her chest.

Hulk, Thor, Clint and Sam were somehow getting their asses kicked by a single person. She was a blur of color to them, too fast, too agile, too smart.

Running up and jumping on Hulk, you used his back as a ramp, running up and jumping in mid air, doing almost a full scorpion to avoid her katana, you used your position to decapitate her from behind and you fell to the ground, rolling to a stop. You see Natasha, Tony, Wanda and Rhodey trying to stop your sister and the last batafurai.

You join them and try to take on your sister again. She’s so much stronger, she’s right, it’s like she was reborn.

“You can’t beat me, Y/N,” she smiled, “I’m not who you knew,” 

She cut your hand and you cried out, the katana flying out of your hand. You had no form of defense, as the one other batafurai was taking on the rest of the team and wounding them pretty good. You dodged every swipe of the katana but that wasn’t enough. You weren’t tired but you sure were injured pretty badly and that slowed you down. You had an idea though.

You calculated the batafurai’s moves and backed your way to her while you tried to not have your sister kill you.

You counted to eight and right at eight the other batafurai landed in front of you, right when your sister swung her katana, cutting her in half right at the waist. 

Your sister stopped and stood wide eyed. Tears welled up in her eyes and she screamed out.

“My sisters!, you killed my sisters!,” She blamed you,

“I am your sister, Azumi! Please, the flowers were supposed to bloom for us again!,” you pleaded.

“Those flowered are dead, as are you,” 

Her katana swung and got you right on your inner thigh, you screamed out in pain, she definitely got the main artery. She stepped closer and the team ran after her but you stopped them.

“STOP!,” your bloodied hand up at them, their yelling didn’t phase you as you stared in her eyes. She had broken you down, she’s gotten you weak enough to take you out for good.

“Please, see me. See me,”

She swung her katana up but not before mumbling the words, “Anata wa idaina koto ni natteita. Anata wa hana no fīrudo no naka de utsukushī chōdatta. Kon go tsubasa wa haikyo tona soshite hana wa kareteiru. Anata wa sore o tsukuru no ni jūbun tsuyokunakatta,”

You were supposed to be great. You were a beautiful butterfly in the field of flowers. Now the wings are ruined and the flowers are wilting. You were not strong enough to make it.

 You mustered up all the strength you could. Once she was close enough, before should swing her katana down on you, you took your fingers, jabbing them into her chest and twisting, you looked at her pained (reference Wanda’s face when she had to kill Vision in IW), you didn’t want to do the final point, but she wasn’t gonna stop until you were dead. With a pained expression, you send the fifth and final jab right into her chest and she immediately coughs up blood. 

“I-I can’t even do that, h-how?,” she choked.

“Because I am strong enough,” you cried.

She took one step back, then two, the three, four... she didn’t take the fifth.

“Anata ga tatakaitsuzukeru yō ni watashi wa hokori ni naru,”

You choked out a sob at the fact she used the same words the first time she was supposed to have died. I will be proud that you keep fighting.

“I think you’re ready to go,” you sniffled, “You’re only prolonging it,”

She took her final step and her body fell out, you had no more strength within you to keep yourself up. You looked down and saw you were bleeding out.

“I’m going cold,” you muttered. Natasha ran over to you to add pressure to your inner thigh.

“Y/N, stay with me!,”

“Nat, I’m going cold. I can feel it,”

She added more pressure, “You’re not! Do not slip on me, I will kill you myself. Just hold on!,” 

Thor rushed to your side and started swinging his hammer, “I can get her there faster,” he mentioned. 

“Take me with you,” Natasha begged, she never begs.

“No, I’m going. Thor, lets go,”

Natasha tried to fight him on it but Steve shut her down and brought Bruce as well.

Everyone rushed to the quinjet and Tony notified whoever needed to be notified that the mission was done and there would need to be clean up but not before Nat grabbed your initial katana and the black wing katana.

Natasha sat with her head against the wall and her eyes closed.

“She’s gonna be okay, ya know,” Clint sat down beside her as they flew in the air.

“Everything that we thought she couldn’t do she showed us she could. She’s obviously a fighter. She’s gonna be okay,”

“Yeah, I hope so,”

------------

Back at compound, doctors and nurses were rushing everywhere, they weren’t sure if they could fix this bad of an injury, especially to an artery. 

“What you used on Clint! Could that work?,” Steve asked Dr. Cho.

“Yes but it would take so much more time because it’s not just one area she’s bleeding out from,”

“If it’s possible then lets get to it,”

Meanwhile..

In your head you were flying, you weren’t human, you were a beautiful butterfly, your wings pumping faster than ever. The colors so vibrant as you smiled. The further you flew the slower your wings were beating. You heard it deep in your ear drum, your wings pumped to the beat of a pulse almost. You noticed the colors becoming more dull as the time went on until they were completely black and white and you weren’t flying anymore.

The team finally made it back and rushed inside. Steve and Bruce wouldn’t tell them how you were doing because they didn’t know themselves. They just played the waiting game as you lied comatose in the cradle.

-------

“She’s going to make it, she’s got to,” Natasha told herself. She paced and paced and paced in her room. It’d been days and still no news on you. She tried sneaking into see you but Cho’s nurses weren’t having it.

A knock came from her door and there stood Clint.

“Told you we underestimated her. She’s awake,”

Natasha never ran so fast in her life as she slid to a stop in front of the infirmary door, she swung it open and saw you eating a pudding cup, bandages all over your arms and face.

“Glad to see you’re awake,”

“Didn’t expect to see you in here,” you said cautiously. 

“Why wouldn’t I?,” 

“You’re raiding the terrain, you don’t know much about me. Figured you didn’t visit people you didn’t know,”

“Y/N, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just always looking over my shoulder and suspicious of people. It’s nothing against you,”

“Well I’m not dead. So you can go,” You sharp tone caught her off guard.

“I- I was thinking I could stay in here for a bit. W-we could talk and I brought your katana back and... hers-,”

“So what?,: you laughed bitterly, “I almost died and it sparked some feelings in you and now you want me to just accept that?,”

Natasha’s jaw was slack as she tried to find the words to say.

“My life shouldn’t be some wake up call for you. I don’t work like that,”

“It’s not a wake up call and you’re right I did come to lay my feelings out there. It’s just, I’m not used to admitting when I like someone and it’s stupid but yeah Y/N, I like you and I should’ve said so sooner,”

“It’s not that easy. You don’t get to be mean or treat someone badly just because you don’t know how to express your feelings!,”

“I know, I know,” she nodded.

She sat down with you and you felt overwhelmed with all you were feeling. 

“We were orphans,” you blurt out.

“What?,”

“You want to know a backstory.. well here it is,” you swirling the pudding with the spoon.

“Me and my sister were orphans. Our parents gave us up when she was 1 and I was a new born. They dropped us out front of the training facility and Einosuke took us in. From the day he took us in, well until I could walk, ‘til the day I left, we trained day and night. We danced, learned, fought and studied. Our brains were put in a blender,”  You set the cup of pudding down, now finding your bandages more interesting.

“They were merciless. We were starved so we could train to be perfect. We danced on hot coals, beds of razors, anything that taught us light and graceful, it was a messy experience. Every month we would perform in front of the other Prime ones so they could see our progress and see if we were ready to go out and be a real batafurai,” you rolled your eyes at the words.

Natasha sat there, listening to every syllable that came out of your mouth.

“One day my sister was performing. She passed the ‘Butterfly Trial’ which is a bunch of tests that ranged from differently styles of fighting with different weapons to having an extensive conversation with all the languages we learned, but now it was really time for her to perform. Time for her to fly. She looked so beautiful. She was floating on air, her dance resonated within everyone and you could tell just by looking around the room . But she made eye contact with the second head Prime and she got nervous which caused her to slip up and in the Cho No Niwa, there are no slip ups... We... they don’t take slip ups lightly,”

You cleared your throat and took a quick glance at Natasha, she stared at you with intensity, wrinkles in her forehead, “I immediately started to tear up but I couldn’t cry out or else I’d suffer too. Azumi didn’t cry at all, she just knelt down beside me as Einosuke handed her the katana. She placed the blade toward her and she told me that she’ll be proud that I keep fighting and the flowers will bloom for us again. Then.. then,” 

Your eyes became blurred, it was such a foreign feelings to cry, especially after almost eleven years, 

“Then she was forced to commit seppuku,” you swallowed thickly, “A suicide ritual by stabbing yourself in the abdomen. In recent years others were forced to complete the ritual by disemboweling themselves but our generation of batafurai changed that. Azumi’s name meant ‘safe space’ and she was that for me, she was all I had, she was my protector,”

You wiped your face and shook your head, “I watched her die, Nat. I don’t know how he did it but I watched my sister fucking die. Then I see her standing there alive, telling me she goes by the name Sunako which means ’dark side’, I saw her fucking die that day” you sobbed and sniffled your nose, you tasted the salt from your tears, “Then I had to watch it again... for good and I’m the one who did it,”

You were so upset at the universe. Natasha rested her hand on yours. 

“She died when I was thirteen and that same night I ran away. I was doing alI could to survive then Fury found me at 17. He had me in a safe house and had another agent train me until he thought I was ready to join you guys. I wasn’t ready until 6 years later and then I get here and you all stick me in a cage and underestimate me,”

“W-we didn’t mean to, Y/N. We’re just worried because of the influx of enhanced beings and-,”

“It’s okay,” you cut her off, “I think I’ve shown you guys enough to regret doing that,” you half smile.

“You are correct,”

“There’s no files on me because I have none. I literally don’t exist to the outside world. I’m legally here because of  my dual citizenship. But other than that I’m a ghost,”

“I’m sorry for everything, Y/N,”

You weren’t sure if she meant it, she says a lot of things.

“I mean it, I like you and I know it’s going to take a while to build some trust up but I’m willing to do that,”

“Don’t lie to me,”

“I’m not lying. We all know that we need to do better to make you feel safe and a part of the team and we’re all willing to work on that. I’m willing to work on that and us,”

“Who said there’s an us?,”

“No one. But I’m willing to be there for you in every way so we can build it into existence,”

*The End*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lmao that didn’t turn out how I wanted but I’m posting it anyway!

PLEASE leave feedback, comments and reblogs are highly appreciated (likes are too but I like y’alls encourage words.

Depending on how fast this gets to 100 notes the faster you guys get Myself part 2!!

Tags- @sideeffectsofyou @chonisberonica @majikmelanin​

[metalandmagi]

April Media Madness!

Hello, and welcome to what is most likely the last list of all the media I consumed this month! Because it’s been a whole year since I started doing this, and I’m starting to repeat myself a lot. But it’s been interesting, and I hope maybe someone found something to watch or read or whatever along the way.

And this doesn’t include all the new seasonal anime I started watching...because otherwise this would be 10 pages long.

March Media

Movies!

Avengers Endgame: *No Spoilers* The final act in this stage of the Avengers as we know it is finally here. And man they stuck the landing. I have so many emotions. Of course there are things I have issues with, but I really don’t care that much. I’m just trying not to cry like a baby just thinking about it. 100000/10

Aquaman: It’s Aquaman guys. It’s a bunch of fish, people, and fish people going to war in a brightly colored mess of explosions and underwater politics. This movie is ridiculous, but I like it a lot. Sometimes you just need a movie where people ride giant seahorses and an octopus plays the drums. Who cares about plot holes? Jason Mamoa just lifted up a submarine! 8/10

The Princess Bride: You all know The Princess Bride. I just couldn’t stop thinking about it after season 2 of The Tick so...8/10

Loving Vincent: An animated feature telling the story of a man trying to deliver a letter written by Vincent Van Gogh right before his death.  Oh yeah, and every frame is hand painted! It has the basic feel of an old timey detective story because the plot is literally a guy going around talking to people who knew Vincent who all have different accounts of his personality and the events leading up to his suicide. It starts out a little slow, but I ended up getting into it. The overall moral is that you never really know anyone; we are survived by what others think about us. Even if you have no interest in the story, if you love animation or any visually creative movies, this is a must watch. Every frame of this movie is a literal work of art, and it doesn’t get nearly the recognition it deserves. 8/10

Books!

Reign the Earth by A.C. Gaughen: The teenage daughter of a desert clan becomes a queen when she is forced to marry the king of a rival country to bring peace to the land. News flash, the king is an asshole, and no one brings peace to the land. Also there are elemental powers like in Avatar the Last Airbender. This is a good book, with a solid main character, strong world building, and an intriguing plot. It can be heavy handed in its messages, but they’re messages that need to exist. I’d also give it some major trigger warnings for abuse, torture, and gas-lighting. Our main villain is a very well written abuser because his actions are so accurate to real life, but the last one hundred pages were pretty much just suffer porn. Also the most interesting character in this book gets majorly sidelined, and I need her to have her own book. But if you like culture rich world building, interesting characters, Avatar-like bending powers, and a plot with lots of twists and turns, this is the book for you. 8/10

Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat: Prince Damen, local disaster bisexual and the rightful heir to the throne of his country, is captured in a coup by his brother and is sent to live as a slave to the prince of an enemy country...whose brother Damen just happens to have murdered. It’s basically a 250 page discount version of Game of Thrones where a precious cinnamon roll must navigate a dangerous political landscape without anyone finding out his real identity. This an amazing series, but the first book is so intentionally horrifying that it scares some people off. It is meant to make the reader as uncomfortable as possible in the beginning so we can spend the other two books trying to fix the problems in both countries and watching the main characters have adventures and fall in love. The writing is fine but not quite up to par with the other two books. But hey, it’s a hard R, high stakes political drama with one of the best couples I’ve ever seen, and my number one most hated villain of all time. If you’re into Game of Thrones, you’ll probably love this series too...even if there are no dragons. 9/10

Prince’s Gambit by C.S. Pacat: The second book in the Captive Prince trilogy in which our princes basically perform Mulan’s I’ll Man Out of You while training a bunch of terrible soldiers and riding across the country in the slowest slow burn romance to ever burn slowly. The whole book is our main characters trying to figure out what they are to each other, going on adventures, and playing mind games with their enemies. Personally, I think it has the best plot, the best side adventures, the most tension, and the best representation of going from enemies to reluctant allies to confused friends to lovers ever. This is the book where people who weren’t into the first one go “oh I get the hype” because we’re finally out of the castle and don’t have to be creeped out every five minutes. 10/10

King’s Rising by C.S. Pacat: The final book in the Captive Prince trilogy, where Damen and Laurent must sneak across enemy territory make their final stand and gain back both of their kingdoms. There are a lot of great things about this finale, but pretty much everyone agrees that the big climactic take down moment of the entire series is based around some extremely convenient coincidences and should have had more...build up. Oh well, it gives us a happy ending one way or another so I can’t be too mad. 9/10

The Promised Neverland: Another manga, and technically I didn’t start from the beginning, but I’m counting it anyway. A horror/thriller story focusing on the children of Grace Field House, an orphanage where everyone is a happy family and there are definitely no deep dark secrets about what happens to the children who leave the house...right? It was made into an anime that premiered in January, and it was so good that I picked up the manga where the anime finished because I just couldn’t wait for the next season. And yes, the manga is also awesome. Please read it, or watch the anime. It is my contender for anime of the year, and it’s the most consistently well written mysterious manga I have read in a long time. 10000/10

TV Shows!

The Tick (2016 season 2): The Amazon Prime original series based on the comic wherein an awkward accountant becomes a superhero with the help of a big blue suited man going only by the name “The Tick.” AND I’M SO HAPPY THIS GOT A SECOND SEASON! This season is a lot more about The Tick and Arthur being recognized as actual superheroes and goes through a very...One Punch Man style plot of hero bureaucracy. This is a prime example of how a superhero comic adaption should feel. It takes itself just seriously enough to get by, but it laughs at itself a lot too. I’ve seen the 2001 live action series and a few episodes of the cartoon, but every adaptation is special in its own way, with different side characters and overarching plots. If nothing else, watch it for Dangerboat, the sentient gay AI played by Alan Tudyk who is in love with the main character. It has all the background absurdity of Umbrella Academy with its own quiet commentary on mental illness and government corruption…There is so much material to work with and no one else knows about this show! Now, if only we’d get a live action version of Chairface... 10/10

Kim’s Convenience (season 3): I talked about this show in my November media. It’s the sitcom about a Korean-Canadian family who runs a convenience store, and I love it so much. It’s a bit predictable in its plots, but it has fun, diverse characters, accurate family dynamics, and my favorite thing about it is the fact that it promotes strong male-female friendships with no romantic intentions at all. If you want something light and fluffy, please give it a chance! 9/10

Honorable Mentions

I finally started reading Always and Forever, Lara Jean, the final book in the To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before trilogy, and it’s adorable. 

Crazy Ex Girlfriend has ended with a perfect finale, and I’m sad. This was hands down the best show on the CW, and it doesn’t get nearly the love it deserves.

Shadowhunters only has one episode left, and now I’m VERY SAD. This show was a mess, but it was our mess. It may be far from perfect, but it included so many important topics that deserve a spot on television. It has evolved so much from season one into the point where each episode is actually emotionally impactful, and I’m going to miss it so much.

[chaniters]

Coming out

The ending of this edulcorated Chargestep nightmare fluff I’m writing, The plan is revealed and the farm confronted with it’s greatest enemy so far. 

Also, Ricardo Ortega and Sidestep go for their dinner date, following up from the last fic (Supersize me).

The waiter leaves after taking your orders The place is actually fancy. It's one of Los Diablos finest restaurants.

You can't help feeling foreign here. You were always faded in the background whenever you had to be in places like this.

And you can hear their thoughts. People wondering who's the guy in Charge's table. There’s curiosity and even a hint of jealousy.

You shift uncomfortably in your seat... And he takes your hand with his. You tremble as you hear the collective mental gasp of everyone looking at you two.

"Would you stop thinking about them and look at me?" He asks. You force yourself to look up. There's his stupid smile... the big eyes... And then he makes it even worse. He presses your fingers in his hand and speaks.

"You know, you're looking so fucking hot right now... I should have done this a long time ago. Just show you how I see you."

"You... really like this?" You say motioning to your own self. You had no trouble believing he liked you in costume, after all, you were always proud of your skills. But here, in plain clothing is another story.

"Yes, dumbass, I like you. How many times do I have to tell you?. We kissed like ... so many times. What else do I have to do to convince you?"

He takes a sip of wine before going on.

"You know, sometimes it's EXHAUSTING to endure how dense you can be."

"Alright, alright... no need to rub it in my face, I get it" you say looking away.

"No, I don't think you do! I've been throwing curve-balls at you for about a decade and not ONCE did you pick them up except for the AWKWARD moments."

"Well..."

"I started to think I just wasn't your type"

"No! THat's not it... I mean..."

"AM I, OR AM I NOT YOUR TYPE CYRUS?" he asks raising his tone. "BECAUSE IM STILL WONDERING RIGHT NOW."

"OF COURSE YOU ARE MY TYPE!" You burst out. And then you lower your volume since everyone can hear you "From when we started training together... I had to make an effort not to look at you all the time and..."

"Uhu... I see. Go on" he cues you to continue

And then you can't stop. You tell him stuff you hadn't even remembered until now. About how you hated it when he was with someone else. About how confused you were after he kissed you at the party. About the fight with Psycopathor and the dreams, you had after he saved you. About calendars that you had hidden in your apartment when Anathema bought them for you as a joke. You go into even some very embarrassing stuff, like when he carried you out so many times. You confess about using Steel's hostility as a tool to keep him away and protect your secret.

"Oh. I see... Tell me more" he says with an absent look.

And then you go on about how you love his smile... his eyes.. his arms and...

And then you choke when you realize the intensity of his gaze. Like he's going to devour you alive.

He's been enjoying this from the start. Watching you agonize and talk on and on about how you thirst for him.

The two of you don't finish your meals, pay early and head home. Home. You would have said "His place" not too long ago.  You stumble with the keys and they fall down from your hands. He takes them from the floor and opens the lock.

The moment you enter he pushes you onto the wall and kisses you like a wild animal. And you have basically lost all self-control by this moment.

He starts taking (ripping) off your clothing.

"How many ... layers??" he asks frustrated... until he gets to the last nanomesh. And then he notices the panicked expression.

"I've thought this through," he says, pulling you towards the bedroom. He just pushes you on the bed, and you collapse there, moving on your back towards the center. 

He leaves the room briefly... returning with something in his hand, hoping in, landing by your left side.

He opens his hand. A blindfold.

Ricardo puts it on over his forehead.

"Will this do?" he asks You nod, surprised. He lowers the blindfold over his eyes.

"Now take that thing off"

And you both do...

He climbs on on top of you. Kissing you... feeling you.

It's not triggering your alarms. You know him. And don't feel threatened.

"Hey... stop... stop," you say.

He freezes immediately. "W.. what did I do?" he asks

"Nothing... just... " you extend a hand and remove his blindfold.

"But then you'll..."

"I think I can handle it?... Just... go slow please"

He gives you the widest smile.

--------Several days later-----------

Brushing your mind against his, you find an entrance and take hold, firmly. The senator is asleep, you can't work like this. You take his body and make him take a few steps. You need to wake him to access his thoughts... not to control a zombie.

You find them. And you do what you've done dozens of times already. Set his fixation ready, burning white hot in intensity, for the time when the signal is given.

And then you free him, making him think he just sleep-walked a bit. Float like a ghost, back to your own body.

The return is brutal. You hadn't possessed that many people in succession since... ever. This is new territory.

And possessing people is not your only activity these days...

Ricardo finally confessed to you that he couldn't keep up a few nights ago. That he's not that young anymore. You saw the failure in his eyes. Mission accomplished you said, trying not to tease him too hard.

You've lost several pounds from this.

Your body is a wreck, but you are at the top of the world. Having Ortega for yourself and destroying your enemies have quickly become your two favorite activities and now you do them together, daily.

The routine goes on for about two months until all the pieces are in place.

And then Charge casually talks with the first domino piece and gives him his verbal trigger command.

The retired scientist goes to the media, whistleblowing on the farm's human rights violations. He dies on an accident shortly after.

He is followed by a senator, a decorated general, and two low-tier bureaucrats. One of them is imprisoned on drug charges. The two other die and the fourth has a mental breakdown.

Ten other witnesses go public to the media immediately after, revealing droves of information. As one of them dies, the FBI reveals it had begun an investigation on the killings.

Dozens more witnesses come trough, and the scandal reaches national levels. You've mind-controlled about a hundred and fifty in total, changing their minds into scandal timebombs. And you commanded them to seek others, and get more evidence as well.

Soon enough the killing stop, and the Special Directive, unmasked, becomes a pariah among government agencies.  Senate commissions and federal investigations fall upon them like birds of prey. It's director removed and in custody.

-------The stage is set.----------

"Good morning Los Diablos! We are joined on studio here by Charge, here for an interview about...

You sit awkwardly behind the cameras. Waiting for your cue... at any moment he will ... There.

"I have some important personnel announcements to make" Ortega interrupts her

"Oh? Personal you say?"

"Yes, Mia. I'm very proud and happy to introduce everyone to... My boyfriend, Cyrus Basri. Yes, I'm coming out!" he says motioning for you to come forward.

You've been seen together in enough public spots to have people question your relationship. A ton of photos of you together will surely surgeon the media within minutes.

You force your legs to get you in front of the camera because if this goes wrong, you might actually not live to tell the tale. This is the most critical part of the plan. All up to you.

She asks you questions. You answer them. You are his boyfriend. You love him. No, you are not yet engaged. When you tell them you've known him for more than 10 years, they wonder who you are.

They go back to Ricardo.

"So we're coming out," he says holding your hand, giving you the confidence you still lack. "But that's not all. We have one more revelation to make" he ends looking at you.

You take the longest breath of your existence. And speak to the country.

"My Name is Cyrus Basri. I used to defend the city as the Hero Sidestep. I stopped the Nanosurge. I fought against Heartbreak... And..." you pause. Not because you are terrified, but for drama. They made you an actor after all. "And seven years ago, I was kidnaped by the Prime Directive. I was abused, beaten, drugged and experimented upon. My humanity was denied, and I was subjected to the most heinous experiment ever devised. I am a victim and a survivor of the Special Directive" you say removing your shirt before the cameras for all to see.

Everyone goes silent as the final bomb explodes.

You cry on live tv. Ricardo holds you. The audience gasps. You make sure to make all of their reactions are positive and supportive. You're surprised it would have been that way even without your power.

Mia is shocked but instantly begins asking questions. More reporters show up. You answer each and every one. You break up several times, showing yourself even more vulnerable than you actually are.

You tell the Truth. You reveal the connection between the Directive And Heartbreak.

And then you also lie. You accuse the Directive of all sorts of despicable things that your witnesses have fabricated evidence about. Ortega backs you up. You couldn't ask for a finer wingman.

As the show finally ends, federal investigators come to talk to you. Then, finally, after you've gone with half of their questions, a high ranking official from the White House shows up to talk to you.

You demand Ortega be present and he sits by your side.

After a few words, he offers you a deal. You look at Ortega, and he finally nods.

You shake hands.

By the end of the day, you are truly Cyrus Basri, with a birth certificate, and social security number, a driver's license, and a bank account full of stolen money that now legally belongs to you.

Your past is erased. You're no longer a regene, but a civilian victim who was manipulated, enslaved and experimented upon by a rogue organization.

And most other regenes will get similar deals. They'll never admit they created life. Fine by you.

Your problems fixed within hours.

And now you are Ricardo's official gay boyfriend. That is new...

The rangers reactions were shocked as you said your goodbyes.

Chen was tearing himself apart. "YOU WERE GAY?" he repeats over and over talking to you and Ortega. Herald can't stop telling you how proud he is about you coming out like that. And Argent is maybe not your closest friend but she's beaming for Ortega and you being a thing.

You flee the country together a few days later to avoid the rest of the media storm.    

Private cruise through the Caribbean. You go on false names. It's part of your deal. To spend a whole year outside the media's reach.

And they know you can do that.

Because you beat the odds.

You are the cuckoo who became a real boy.

______________________________________

My Fanfiction: https://chaniters.tumblr.com/post/181692759294/my-fanfiction-for-fallen-hero    

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction using characters and the setting of the Fallen Hero: Rebirth and upcoming Fallen Hero: Retribution games written by Malin Riden. I do not claim ownership of any characters from the Fallen Hero wold. These stories are a work of my imagination, and I do not ascribe them to the official story canon. These works are intended for entertainment outside the official storyline owned by the author. I am not profiting financially from the creation of these stories, and thank the author for her wonderful game/s, without which these works would not exist.

[dwestfieldblog]

DOOMSCROLLING

Rocking and doomscrolling in an Eigenstate, the English Variant is here...All virtue signalling wannabe edgelords,  sleepwalking ’woke’ automatons, fake Christians, Faustian Republicans, corrupt Conservatives and retarding neophobes look away now. Little more than domesticated primates, a majority of larval humanity continues to ignore its astral biology...yes really. ‘Those who control symbols control us’.  And Pavlov dogs do love flags eh? Here is a balanced, mostly unpretentious finite rant for breakfast where the opinion arises from triple checked facts rather than mere emotion.  In God we rust.

Straight off...Disgusted to rage by the English government’s March budget which gives  nurses a ‘pay rise’ equivalent to three pounds fifty pence a week, (which doesn’t even begin to cover the cost of their parking at hospitals) the disdain these arrogant swine feel for truly essential workers is revealed in full. The ‘Heath’ minister explained that times were tight due to Covid...yes Matt, fairly sure the nurses working 18 hours a day had already noticed this in their desperately overworked, overcrowded hospitals. Deeply in debt, Britain plans to borrow 355 billion pounds this year, the highest amount in her history. Corporation tax will possibly increase in 2023, a little late to balance wages elsewhere for nurses etc...And given the previous ten years, highly unlikely it would even be used for such. But it might look good to those brainwashed gimps that STILL plan to vote for this bastardly corrupt party in 2024.

A clip taken in March of an exceptionally long queue for a food bank in London brings it all into sharper focus. The 6th richest economy in the world has the most food banks of any democratic country. Over 2000 in the UK. (Over 900 in Germany.) Hate to come across as a Socialist but The Tories have been in power for ten long years, historically destroying the NHS a bit more each time they hold power. Endlessly subcontracting, pouring money into new unneeded tiers of management, slowing operations down with extra paperwork, voting down pay rises, thus expediting a brain drain of doctors, nurses and surgeons to other countries and private practices...and over the last thirteen months, supplying those who stayed, with mountains of  PPE equipment not fit for purpose. A ‘jolly good show’ handclap every evening on doorsteps doesn’t fecking cut it. Neither do all the rainbows drawn by children put into windows. In fact, Boris, it looks like outright damn cynicism. All the more since your dose of the virus (‘I visited the Covid ward and shook hands with everyone’) was healed by excellent work by the NHS. Mr. Boris ‘No government could have done more’. Johnson...a lot of us are keeping score.

Lord Bethell, (‘Parliamentary under secretary of State for Innovation at the Department of Health and Social Care’) said that nurses are ‘well paid’ for the job they do, reiterating that times are hard; ‘There are millions of people out of work on the back of this epidemic’. Well yes there are. And why? A government which dragged its heels many times after salient scientific advice, prognoses/ projections were given, and allowed three massive social gatherings (384,000 people) to take place for superspreading, as well as conflicting advice about masks, herd immunity and confusion over open borders, schools to return for one day, etc...All of which led to the dire need for total lockdowns and the impossibility to sell or go to work (unless working from home) leading in turn to unpaid rent/bills, evictions, bosses laying off those they cannot afford to pay. And to mention again, the Tories have been the ones in power for ten years...with banking scandals (where chiefs were not punished but the public were twice, once by collapses and once for raised taxes to prop up the greed). The expenses scandal of politicians, massive public service cutbacks, corruption, the smug George Osbourne guiding Britain disgracefully to poverty via austerity, a National Health service being encouraged to disintegrate and’ an oven ready’/tramps breakfast scraps Brexit...and LO!... the coffers are indeed a little empty thanks to all the contracts tossed without oversight to the governments mates without due process, including 37 billion pounds spent on a Test and Trace programme which did not function, 252 million AND 6000 pounds a DAY to ‘consultants (for the essential chimera of PR etc).Chumocracy at highly profitable work.

Over to you Boris, ‘...it is thanks to PRUDENT FISCAL MANGEMENT that we have been able to fight this pandemic in the way that we have.’

Well exactly.

A dishevelled adult leader of a country who cannot even brush his hair or dress himself, a ‘leader’ who missed five vital COBRA meetings about the pandemic, never took in the notes from scientists of advance warnings and blustered his pompous comedy horseshite rather than leading from the front. Father of six or perhaps 7 illegitimate children (does he pay child support? No records). But never mind eh, he is a rum sort of cove. No. Churchill would have him horsewhipped naked and tarred and feathered in Trafalgar Square. But still! When questioned on whether there would be an inquiry into the colossal waste without recompense or standard clauses in contracts of taxpayers’ money raped from the Treasury, Mr Johnson replied that it was ‘NOT IN THE PUBLIC INTEREST’. Really. REALLY? Boris, if you were a catheter, you could not extract more urine than you already do. The clown father of the motherland. BJ said he took ‘full responsibility’ for the massive number of fatalities. But hasn’t resigned.127 thousand covid deaths in UK, leading Europe by 33 thousand.  Well played chaps. 545 thousand USA. China 4636. Yeah RIGHT. Sure.

Once knew a guy who, if you told him something factual, most often replied with ‘Well, it’s the first I’ve heard of it’...meaning anything he had not already been told was automatically false. How did he ever learn new information? Neophobes, their insecurities heavy chains to evolving, seem to rule the world; Good news is they don’t. Bad news is, they know it and are getting ever more desperate the rest of us go down with them in righteous conservatism and counter evolution. ‘Perception does not consist of passive reception of signals but of an active interpretation of signals...active, creative trans-actions’...‘The easier you can predict a message, the less information the message contains’. If a media source etc attempt to relay actual news and it does not fit what is already believed, it is disregarded or worse...GIGO...Garbage In=Garbage Out.

The pandemic is doing great things for the further global rise of populist swine...When the mass public mind is aflame with anger and fear, new bastards step up and old governments impose harder laws. Hungary loses her last independent radio station and Orban rejoices. Brazilian bastid Bolsanaro continues to see his people as expendable inhuman statistics. By their hatred he will burn. 301 thousand dead. Totalitarianism creeps apace via populist chancers, Stalinist fascists, nationalist bullshitters who care far more about their ego than their country. (Hello frog eyed Nigel Farage aka Lord Haw Haw the 2nd.) Speaking of which...Lord Mayor of London wannabe Laurence Fox bought a mask exemption badge online because he didn’t want his pretty face to be unrecognised. Narcissist, who as leader of a new party Reclaim, wants to ‘take back’ Britain from the Woke snowflakes (even while speaking like a laidback Establishment version of them) and end up in Parliament. Good for you luvvie. But now with acting career ended and music career failed, he does look a lot like a pretty poster boy who needs to stay adored and recognises (along with his string pulling financial backers) there is a bandwagon to be jumped on. In 8 years time he (or someone similar in insecure need for others approval to give vent to their sadistic impulses) could be a new type of prime minister and the V for Vendetta pre-scenario will be in full swing. ‘Politicians should wear sponsor jackets like Nascar drivers, then we know who owns them’ Robin Williams via Jonathan Pie. No one from Texas should be allowed to be president...and no one from Eton (or Harrow) should ever be allowed to be Prime Minister. Apart from Churchill.

Sometimes it takes a nightmare to wake one up...an authoritarian dystopia coming soon to a land mass near you...a failed state and a divided kingdom of Mediocre Britain with bad laws for her citizens but great if you are a ‘public servant’ or a friend of those that are. Probably a good thing for Euope that we are an island eh? We turned our back on them and they can cast us adrift like an oil tanker filled with toxic waste. Sunak or Patel next? Will the ‘Elite’ (Ha) allow a person of colour to rise to the depths of Prime Minister? The entire cabinet should be sent to a Chinese prison. Avaricious liars. If you don’t stir the cream it turns into scum.

And speaking of destroying your country from inside....

Oh America... just watched the Idaho mask burning clip in Boise, adults encouraging children to pick up discarded masks, pathogens, all with bare hands and drop into the garbage bin flames...inhaling the formaldehyde smoke... Freedom! End lockdown now! Breathe deeply rednecks. So looking forward to having a black woman president over there. Please be better than all these useless white trash MORONS...Q Onan, the ‘storm’ (in a beer can), the ‘plan’, ‘where we go one, we go all’...right down the toilet of history into the sewers of oblivion. Good riddance to foul rubbish, Believers anxious for orders from ‘Christians’ who are actually serving what they would call ‘Satan’. Ironic on the darkest level, no? LOOK at their faces, into their eyes, naught but greed for power. Two thousand years of inverted truths. ‘Religion’ became consumed by ‘the Devil’. Discuss with yourself after watching the majority of preachers.

The Trumps, Hawley, Cruz, Lindsey Graham, Bannon, the Mercers, Paula White, Stella Immanuel and the Gawd awful Marjorie Taylor Greene should be sent alone, foodless to a small island surrounded by sharks. And filmed for our entertainment. And oh...that dumbass disgusting false idol kitsch gold statue (to celebrate his love of golden rain) of Donald, created via Mexico and China in artistic irony. And, and AND the Republican senators against any background checks for those who want to own guns. (Seven mass killings this year already by armed wankers.) Britain, Europe and America, unions encouraged, persuaded to break apart into hexagram 23 while China and Russia grin. Q seems like a new form of right wing bullshite to rally the dumb against what they perceive to be the ‘left wing’ rebellion of Anonymous. I think Q originated in the Kremlin myself. An electronic baobab seed...

Back to my birthland...New powers of arrest looming for ‘Non Crime Hate Incidents’, and a new police bill of up to ten years prison for silent protest. One almost expects this in (arf) lesser countries with pantomime dictators, but on the septic, excuse me, sceptre’d isle of Britain? An obvious Government first shot reaction against what they know might be coming for their dire mishandling of the pandemic, loss of jobs and no real support for the underlings...Governments ARE afraid of their people, that’s why enough laws are passed (with minimum debate or under cover of smokescreen news events) to ensure all those not wealthy and well connected are in daily risk of being arrested for ‘criminality’. So be sure to be obedient to your ‘public servants’.

Ahh.. enough eh? Apolitically incorrect, radical liberal, fundamentalist atheist, remember the Tar Baby idea Dave, the more you attack something, the more you are attached to it. Let it go brother. The difference between being frozen in stasis and empty with Zen calm. But to paraphrase Robert Anton Wilson, (as I am so often wont to do) thanks to our own programming, when we do not frequently examine and cross check our input we become full of Self Hypnotic Ideational Trance. Dogmas must be only transitory, flow river, flow...

Bells Theorem? Pretty good but this is mostly Jameson’s (with Czech spring water) theorem. In confession, I crave your indulgence, Invoke Often, Repeat repeat repeat, ‘How far is it, if you can think of it?’ Transduction of thoughts into chemicals...surfing the neuropeptides and there you stood on the edge of your feather expecting to die, A skeleton breastfeeding a priest, and if that mocking bird don’t sing, daddy’s gonna break off both its wings. Whoops. The optical illusion of a rainbow halo as beautiful as ‘God on drugs’.  Melancholy melophile, melomaniac and melomaniacal, I am an Audiophile in the paralysis of rapture...Ahh...and now I have obtained an elegant sufficiency, multitasking in five time zones. Left frontal lobe digital (manual) moving to Right frontal lobe analogue non Aristotelian (self controlled). Get it? DNA appears to be a cybernetics information/programming system...but anyway...

Bet there will be a massive increase in the birth rate nine months after most of the world is vaccinated, a surge of relieved masses celebrating in the old fashioned way. All those who died will be ‘replaced’ at double pumping speed. The idea that the vaccine contains the ‘Establishment’s’ nanobots seems unlikely...how on Earth would at least ONE person in the know, not spill the (genetically modified) beans? And those wondrous illogical conspiracy theories that Covid was triggered deliberately via 5G mast networks by a satanic paedophile elite will fade for a while. Until the ‘Christian’evangelical (evil angels) right wing restart their crazed rambling about the Illuminati/Freemasons again. For the record, my own feeling is that any group which had Leonardo da Vinci, Goethe, Beethoven, Sir Issac Newton, Washington, Mark Twain, Churchill, Oscar Wilde, Jefferson etc as members, seems like a fairly cool and worthwhile group for humanity to learn from. Is it because Lucifer was the Light Bringer that they conflate illumination with evil? How very aware of them. Arf. Paranoid magicians live longer. Speaking of witch...’Nothing is, nothing becomes, nothing is not’. A.C. The Book of Lies. Be aware, not woke. Look for the hunchback (?) behind the soldier (!)...‘You can empty infinity from it and infinity still remains’.

‘The data may not contain the answer. The combination of some data and an aching desire for an answer does not ensure that a reasonable answer can be extracted from a given body of data.’

Ever see Interstellar? Love that film. Elon Musk should just select 100 people, blast off and leave the rest of us to burn. As psychologists would call it, most of humanity is indeed still at the larval stage. Most of us stay on ‘the fourth circuit’ all life and rip at anyone who goes beyond or tries to. Christ would be murdered again, that’s why Buddha avoided crowds. Release and receive...channel.

‘Truth, truth, truth! crieth the Lord of the Abyss of Hallucinations...’

Paradise in a scientific quantum possibility...A dimension where the ‘soul’/ recorded/imprinted memory continues in  ‘A quite specific electromagnetic-gravitational field in which mind can manifest without organic bodies’. As all ‘reality’ is subjective, and an individual life most likely takes up a mere byte in a terabyte (trillion bytes). Personal Heavens, the way YOU design and chose. Dream and imagine possibilities now...much Love forever from Anon of Ibid

[un-enfant-immature]

MSCHF’s latest stunt is to pirate video from Netflix and Hulu and Disney+ and maybe build a brand

It’s very likely that you don’t know MSCHF. It’s also likely that you’ve come across one of their wild ass projects. From “Jesus Shoes” filled with holy water to a collar that lets your dog finally tell you what it thinks about you to IRL loot crates that dare you not to open them — MSCHF has been launching highly viral stunts for the past year or so.

Hell they even got a vanity piece in the Times while they’re still ascendant. Pure magic given how famous the NYT has been at times for its ability to catch viral trends on the down slope.

The latest stunt officially launches tomorrow (today for early adopter fans that subscribed via text). It’s a “pirate video” station called Allthestreams.fm and it’s live now.

The premise is that MSCHF has picked up subscriptions to Hulu, Disney+, Netflix, HBONow, Prime Video and Showtime and it is broadcasting a continuous stream of one random program from each live to anyone who hits the site. At time of publish over 100,000 people are currently watching one of the ‘channels’.

There’s even a pirate radio-esque commercial interstitial that will surprise you if you watch long enough.

If you’re wondering whether this is legal, well, so did I. “We have a standard check with these types of things. Doesn’t mean it’s legal per se, but it means the risk profile is acceptable to us,” says Daniel Greenberg, one of MSCHF’s founding team.

The goal, Greenberg explained in a chat last week, is not to launch a product or company but instead to build a brand that stands for…something. Even MSCHF isn’t quite sure what that will be, though, by design.

Hell even when asked to provide a succinct summary of what the fuck MSCHF actually is, Greenberg pushes back.

“MSCHF is a multi angled mirror. Whenever we release something, people see different reflections of the same thing.”

I can’t actually argue, because even the latest stunt defies definition. MSCHF doesn’t earn anything from it, it’s a free stream. Though they have made money off of previous goods releases like the shoes or boxes, the goal is decidedly not to make money right now and instead to spend a great deal of it.

Though they’re reluctant to talk about it, MSCHF has raised $11.5M in venture led by Laura Chau at Canaan Partners . Money that they seem intent on burning.

The MSCHF plan of attach (yes, attach) is based on a key ideal: that one of the strongest stances any brand could have is “no matter what”.

No matter what they sell, what road they take you down or how weird it is, you’re in. Even if an offering isn’t for you, you’ll be there when it is.

This thinking isn’t super rare these days, though the anarchist viral experiment framework is a new application.

The thought process behind modern brand building is becoming centered around the idea that the audience should come first, providing a reason for the product.

Influencer culture is probably the shorthand people would use the most, but being known for something and then using that to build out a durable direct-to-consumer brand is becoming vital for small creators and entrepreneurs that know that their conduit to their consumer is as fickle as the platforms they sit on. One too many references to reefer or sex and their livelihood could go poof. Not so much if your audience will follow you wherever you go.

A new cluster of slow food brand builders is carving out their own path to this durability.

Even more so as the ad business becomes a media business. Though MSCHF is very decidedly not yet a merchandise brand, it absolutely has marketed and sold merchandise — extremely effectively too.

eCommerce is…

2000s: where the developers are. 2010s: where the plugins are. 2020s: where the audiences are.

— Web Smith (@web) February 26, 2020

But that ability to do so came from not trying to build any real business at all. MSCHF is, by Greenberg’s own admission, just spending money to create attention. No more, no less. What sets it apart from any other marketing effort, in my opinion, is the tone-perfect nature of those experiments.

The average MSCHF stunt (that’s what they are, for sure) is funny, hotly traded in a particular vertical or ideally across several verticals — that have high audience counts and a natural tendency to amplify. The biggest hits of the company so far have traded on  the base powers of the internet like pets and profanity — but every one of them has something super interesting going on.

Each idea comes out of a regular weekly meeting that the team has to throw out potential ideas. They’re then picked out and refined over weeks or months and ‘dropped’ in a manner that resembles limited edition streetwear or collectibles. Every ounce of a MSCHF stunt is viral muscle, no fat. And every one of them goes over like crazy on the net.

Even the ideals that surround each experiment are loosely held. The cleverness evident here is that by defining the goals too clearly you lose the ability for people to attach their own personal vibes and therefore get invested.

“Streaming is a mass common denominator,” Greenberg offers by way of reason for this particular drop. “We all use it. We all have feelings on it. We all hate paying more and more for it. Why not now?”

There are some interesting things about this particular experiment that bear some pondering, outside of the stunt-based brand building apparatus that MSCHF has set up. In poking around at it I found myself watching several of the brands ‘hot’ shows that I never actually got around to seeing.

A random button could actually be a nice advertisement for content (Netflix tested a random shuffle feature last year) for any streaming platform, given the well documented issues people have picking something to watch.

There’s also the side-by-side comparison that you get to draw between the plans of attack of the various entities. Disney is BRAND FIRST, Netflix is new money premium content, Showtime is mostly old with a couple really good ones and HBO the grandaddy trying to stay relevant.

For what it’s worth, there’s also an interesting side point here in how they gather zero data on watching behavior other than pure traffic — and given MSCHF’s repertoire, the side point is probably also a point.

But, as with all of MSCHF’s projects, the takeaways may just be the things I’m bringing to the table.

That interchange of ideas is one of the things that sets MSCHF apart from a lot of brands that have manufactured interest in their products. It generates brand loyalty no matter what is being sold — which in turn results in durability.

One guarantee is that whatever MSCHF drops next, a metric ton of people are going to be interested. No matter what.

[hrodlandpjqr247-blog]

Leitfaden der Besten Call of Duty: Modern Warfare

Game Review Call of Duty: MW

Modern Warfare may not have the best battle in the background in the Call of Duty series, but it certainly program the inn high for all subsequent shooters about fighting. Sets this quite, high.

Let's choose a surprise: is the new Modern Warfare the best Call of Duty to date? So, yes and no. In terms of sound and film, that is absolutely the best installment in this line, hands behind. The multiplayer is interesting with different; the fight offers great surroundings and isn't scared of desperate scenes, thus being an interesting picture of the modern armed conflict – without having a classified battlefield, where the divisions on the expert and dangerous person are a bit indistinguishable. The march can be much slower than in a of the earlier installments. The architects from Infinity Ward oftentimes rehearse familiar patters we've met during past parts, and – while they make – reference movie blockbusters, sometimes recreating scenes one-to-one. And although the multiplayer is extremely engaging, then the song campaign brings numerous memorable moments, complete, this game comes a modest short of live the undisputed best in the CoD series.

Maybe that because of the hype – maybe I just thought too much, or even the devs made too many promises that were too big. Because complete the drive seems really good. Compared both to before CoDs, and games from Ubisoft or EA, this chapter reaches levels mastery that's unattainable for them. But it falls little, too – not merely because of the expectations, but when compared to the original. The first MW was far more coherent and whole. That game, on the other hand, feels like writing a film screening half road done it, and go right before the finale. As concerns the multiplayer, however, the giant promises were not empty, although many factors will have to be much refined. All that media sound with expects regarding a 10/10 game away, we grow one of the best and most daring shooters of recent years.

Slow authenticity, like now Michael Bay's

MW, as a computer, certainly goes up to the call. This is a modern warfare in all respects – with terrorist incidents in world assets and full-scale armed actions where in the populations on the Inner East. Sometimes, we do special operations in full products, and sometimes chain into civilian clothes around the lanes of crowded metropolis. Playing three different personalities, all of which are reminiscent of the one and only Captain Price, we beat locations in search of stolen goods with really dangerous gas. The screenplay may not be outstanding, but it makes effective use of authentic incidents during recent background and associations them with atmosphere and points gotten by productions such like Jack Ryan from Amazon Prime.

It is also big that, past repeated assessments with the extent with the earlier games to films in Jordan Bay, this time, Modern Warfare actually recreated scenes from the production on the famous director. We will never see, however, falling skyscrapers or a raid among burning aircraft carriers. That all other restrained, more credible and low-key; the game, for example, let's us be involved in function familiar in the show 13 Times: The Technique Knight of Benghazi. The devs weren't scared to also make missions by which we walk at a snail's pace, entrance to access, firing a few bullets, clearing rooms just like in tactical shooters the like of Range Six games. Very dangerous these moments are little with significantly between, because the strain and solid atmosphere literally pours out of the screen. They're very evocative of games like HIT or R6.

Charge, you heartless bastard

Modern Warfare became notorious even before the release, with the headline of unsettling missions similar to the infamous "No Russian" opening of MW2. Did it work out? Overall – yes, but not by every overlook. The devs didn't go right; we don't shoot civilians or children, for example. If we do this, we'll have to reload on the past checkpoint. There are a several times in which we pull among a frenzied crowd, bullets whizzing in in random, and then, collateral damage isn't punishable. But the idea definitely not a "grey war," in which telling friend from foe may not be evident.

So while such legs are reported from the game, yet really temporarily, here a couple missions based on the book Operation Geronimo plus the motion picture Zero Dark Thirty, that show the famous raid for Bin Laden's headquarters (he remained the leader of Al-Queida). Then, you really could know just what to expect behind the next door. We walk alone overcome a slim corridor, a baby whimpering in one in the places. We pry open the door with power – in, a woman throws herself with a base. To grab a gun, or to protect her son? You have to influence in a split-second. Into such moments, the new Call of Duty sweeps away all FPS competition. That worth playing the game still regarding these moments.

To top it away, the creator have portrayed Russians being fully extreme and ruthless oppressors. Russian knight into MW shoot unarmed civilians with kids, relocate women so to "terrorists could breed," torture prisoners, and hurt entire the people with chemical weapons. Some respite is proposed with the fact the good guys live to moral, too. If that's precisely what the quest requires, still the most positive characters will become merciless. There are no saints in the planet illustrated by MW. Counter to the backdrop of ubiquitous political truth in games with beyond, the new Call of Duty boldly beats the pattern.

A barely with the aged, a small from the different

Alright, and how can the new CoD feel like a game? Very traditional, about the one offer, next for the other – a trivial different. It is yet a vibrant action game – full of scripts and absolutely cinematic moments. The character is a little slower, you can feel their mass more, with the development seems more authentic overall. The new film model works out good – in this respect, this Call of Duty brings quality that's expert to everything the series offered so far. Proving the sticks with factors in the location is both useful and handy, with the new start and reloading animations are realistic. Each projectile has large power, but it can be thought only if the authors want it, as from the work, this not possible to move the combustion means at will. Which is a bit baffling.

The creators and presented sure were constantly make something different, something fresh. One minute we're shooting, then we're carrying bricks. Veterans of MW will of course be told of many times by earlier installments, given that we might find many situations in which situation some cult Spiele Kostenlos Downloaden missions of the trilogy. The new engine delivers, but typically in smaller spots where everything's reach us. The structures are realistic, so is the elegant and how much details of characters, items, and constituents of nature. Anything further out looks a little away, and also the surroundings makes average impression – at least with PlayStation 4. Can't complain about audio, even if! A volley of loud shots, separate sounds for each falling casing and other noises, or even radio dispatches during firefights make a great amazing experience.

The devil's in the depths

So, when the new Modern Warfare looks good, looks good, is deep, authentic and feels great, then why is this not the best battle in the description in the lines? First of all, you can take make with just how the feature is raised. The founders are much more committed to about different missions than for the general perspective with the total plot. From the initial minutes, we're caught in the middle of many events, all characters seem to see everything on one another, with we realize mere rows of facts – as if that's not enough, the goal credits appear in the most exciting time. We do not know about any details about the two primary characters that we control: Alex and Kyle, so we do not have a chance of formulating our own opinion around them. The one exception this is the third playable character – Farah – she's really well-written and kind.

Pretty much all that's great in MW doesn't last – e.g. the other tactical levels, or around moments referencing the big installments. The makers seem afraid which players can develop bored after more than fifteen moments of the same action, which leads to a very quick campaign, going on almost several, six hours. You can and see a certain indolence of the writers, which is pretty difficult to help reveal, especially after they boasted attention to order and accuracy on their blog. For some reason, for example, some assets were reused from the crime setting – missions taking place two decades before feature modern vehicles, and the European are helping American helicopters. It might be a trifle, but following such bragging, it was shock to imagine.

Mutliplayer? Highly compelling

But we've come to expect the battles from any Call of Duty game to be passing and powerful – let's think of, the permit is typically about the multiplayer, which is playable as hell in this case. You can definitely spend countless times here – the gameplay's riveting, there's a ton of features to do with unlock, and there are the publications of contemporary, free (sic!) content yet to come. I, for one, have in fact become looking forward to returning to modern battlefields, embodied as the clash between AK-47 vs. M4A1. There's of course several chief with adolescent issues here and there, but the multitude of kinds of functions, and the number of players, make it easy to avoid something to you don't particularly like in the MP. There's really bunches of matter!

What deserves the most praise in my position is the direction the multiplayer feels – the gunplay is delicate, and the weapons are the primary actors, rather than gadgets or about very abilities. Running away from Tarkov is probably the only game out here deal more customization options than the Armory now. You can try a basic M4A1 or AK-47 in virtually everything – from a machine gun, through a sniper rife, from a system to a CQB to an LMG, not to mention lots of different guns. Sporting your favorite tools, you commit hours on end going around the roads with persons from around the world. More highly, all the novelties regarding the mechanics, such while helping systems with facets on the situation, reloading, aiming, then the many different ways to start homes are incredibly intuitive. Each of these clicks instantly, once you learn how to do it. They easily become second life – like a compulsive reload when all rushed. The icing on the cake is the realistic recoil of tools, plus the stunning audio design.

4 is proficiency and approaches, 64 is a good mess

The effects from the multiplayer will, still, rely on the preferred map, type, and the number of participants. The business into Battlefield property, with 64 players plus vehicles didn't exactly become the great. Ground war is a clutter along with a good arena for humiliating newbies (see figure). The less players with small the record, the enhanced the experience. Currently, probably only one place, the channel on the Euphrates, goes on the traditions of maps with a few principal movement corridors. The rest provide much more risks, and all of them, aside from the sterile and seemingly unfinished Piccadilly in Birmingham, are rich in facts with just about palpable dirt and disposition of a field.

The most balanced games in the novel CoD are probably 10v10 battles in a little larger maps. They're dynamic adequate, and handle to give you adequate count next liberty to make decisions at the same time. There's less senseless stretch and waiting for participants to resist the line of shot, and more technique and surveillance, specifically in the means to demand strike or defending specific areas. And if you want to completely avoid chaos altogether, you can always focus on strictly skill-oriented 2v2 shootouts. There, you always tell where the enemy can come through, also the way many there are. It's somewhat intense, along with the wars is certainly here, so that best approached with a trusted comrade. The personal preference was the hugely immersive mode without the HUD, with night maps. Gameplay is definitely slower also the atmosphere's thicker.

What worries me a bit is that part of the game is governed by constant changes. I search the surroundings of the realistic firefight, yet I can already see neon-colored weapon skins appear. The decision is obviously daft from the sound standpoint – bear a skin like that is like shouting "I'm here! Happened along with capture us!" but it appears this is an inseparable element of modern shooters. The implementation of micropayments remains the honest question. You can unlock skins and add-ons by completing game challenges, but the look at which provides more features is only presented in the paid group. We truly trust the builders will assist their own game on the coming year sensibly, paying focus on what products also what exactly makes.

Tom Clancy's Modern Warfare

Regardless these few flaws with these Modern Warfare seems a game from a different world adjacent to the surroundings of Battlefield V, Breakpoint, Stress, or The Class. The multiplayer tells me of adult games, such as Battlefield 2 and 3, or Award of Respect 2010. War isn't romanticized from the struggle, the atrocities and uncomfortable, morally unclear situations are bread with butter here. This is a game to completely has the courage to be mature. It adjusts the tablet high for all subsequent war productions – including the upcoming Black Ops and other concepts in the CoD franchise. That is truly exactly how I thought games signed with Tom Clancy's name – and it originated the cause wing. Call of Duty is again at the top, and is now the best sole and network shooter on the market.

[sapphireorison]

Ten Writer Questions Tag PT.2

Tagged by @the-bookdevourer :)

Do you have anyone (authors, family, friends, etc.) that has inspired your writing? I write like I must breathe, and I get inspiration from everywhere. When I was wee, I devoured the teen section at my local library, so a lot of my early author-inspiration is from 80s and 90s scifi and fantasy authors, like Anne McCaffrey and Diane Duane and Jane Yolen and Patricia C. Wrede. And, admittedly, Piers Anthony and Lovecraft, though those latter two... :considers: You know how when you read a book and you go ‘wow this is terrible but I can’t put it down’? Best figure out why you can put it down. I also get a lot of inspiration from my friends in what they yearn to have written that’s not out there yet. It makes me want to write that, and in learning more about what they want that simply doesn’t exist yet, I become a better writer. 

When did you first start writing? And what was it about? Very, very early. I wrote stuff for school, mostly, cute little stories about nonsense based on whatever book or series I was obsessed with at the time. Beyond that, I ‘wrote’ plays for me and my sister to perform for my family, and then in HS moved on to trying to figure out novels. I’ve always created stories in my head, and because I was primed by the types of books I loved (big, epic, glorious) that was always my goal. So I would fiddle around with the beginnings of them. It’s only been within the last ten years or so that I’ve started finishing them, and they’ve gotten closer to what I have in my head as the kind of books I need to write.

 How long have you been working on your current project? It feels like ages, but I don’t think it’s been more than a year and a half at most, perhaps two. This one was percolating for a long time before I started writing because I had the concept first, then the characters, and then the world, and only after a while did I have any inkling of a plot and I know better than to start without a plot by now.

 Of all your OCs, which do you relate to the most? Why? My earlier OCs were more ‘me’ than any of the ones I have now. But the one I relate to most was one from a very, very early attempt at a fantasy novel. She was a bookish protagonist with a demon stitched to her soul whose goal was to usher a younger demon-possessed girl to someone, somewhere, that could help her. :considers: Even that teeny explanation feels like a direct window into my head. My OCs now are very much not me. The only one even faintly close to me is the fellow who I’ve iterated through over the years. He’s the one I relate to the most because I’ve used him the most. He’s full of well over a decade of experiences in various media as I’ve tried to find a home for him. 

Tropes are often looked down on, but which one(s) do you enjoy and use? Fake relationships, mutually requited slow-burn pining, and messy reunions after one of the people thinks they’ve lost the other forever. All of those are for romance. In general, though, I love the ‘weird uncle’ trope, where an antagonist gets beaten and then sort of gets absorbed into the protag’s family because they’re not bad they’re just, you know, themselves. I also fucking love the trope where touch is a huge indicator of trust, where names are important so that when someone start using a different name (for themselves or another) it means a major character change behind-the-scenes, and I really really love affectionate bickering. I don’t even know if that’s a trope, but it’s great.

 Do you have a set schedule for when you write? No. Well, sort of. I prefer to write in the evenings, after about 5 or 6pm, and write for about four hours in a coffee shop or at the kitchen table. This is, mind, the /optimal/ writing situation. I don’t usually get a chance to write as long, or as often, as I know makes me happiest. This was the schedule I used to polish off two longfics I wrote and now that I don’t get to do this every/most nights, my monthly progress is much lower. I’m lucky if I do 10k a month. 

When you’re writing, do you write in chronological order or wherever you feel? I gotta do chronological. But, like, chronological for the *book* not the story. My brain views things very much as cause-and-effect, specifically about what am I causing the reader to think at this point in time and how will that effect how they view this later scene. So even if things are out of place and there are flashbacks and so on, I have to write from the beginning of the book to the end otherwise I can’t develop the later parts properly because I’m missing pieces that need to be included. 

What’s your favorite part about starting a new project? Worldbuilding! I’ll start 600-word prompts, build out a fucking massive world, and then tidy up the prompt and move on to something else. Unique worlds rev my engine, and whenever I feel bored or stale on a current project I’ll build out a world-prompt and it’ll refresh me to come back to my primary project.

What’s one thing about your current project that you’re excited about? It’s so much more action-y than I thought it would be. Stuff is happening! Things are gonna explode!  There’s way more mystery involved than anticipated because there’s so much to explain I’ve had to pick and choose what to reveal. And, honestly, I’ve lived with the characters so long in my head that I’m just excited to find out how they feel about each other and what they want out of the world--the kind of stuff I can only find out by making them interact and seeing if I need to tweak. 

 Do you have any writing goals that you want to accomplish by the end of the year? Halfway through Current Project and hopefully finishing a fic that I, uh, abandoned during the last chapter. The rest is posted and I’ve let it sit for two years. T_T Conveniently, there are several months (including Nano) to work on Current Project, and ‘halfway’ is only another 20k for me. So I am fairly confident I can hit that one at least. :) 

For the 10 new questions, here are the ones I liked from Bookie’s list along with a couple from mine and one or two of my own creation: 

What’s your favorite thing about your writing? 

What’s your favorite character you’ve written and why are they your fav? 

What makes your writing unique? 

Describe your antagonist’s ‘villain song’ as if they were a Disney Villain.

Which of your characters (OCs) is the one you most relate to? Why? 

What are you favorite tropes? 

What inspired your current project? 

There are lots of different media types that you could write! What is your ‘primary’ type of media that you write? Short story? Novels? Novellas? Comics? Plays? Roleplays? Video game scripts? TV show or movie scripts? Where do most of your words go? And, to follow up, what type of writing is your current project? Which types have you done? Which do you like? Do you have a favorite? 

What’s your favorite genre to read? To write? Why does it draw you?

Do you have any writing goals you’d like to accomplish by the end of the year?

I’m supposed to tag people, but I am shy and tagging is scary. If you follow me and you do the writing thing, I really wanna hear from you. :D I will even reply and it will be super exciting.

[nooradeservedbetter]

Callout culture. The quest for purity. Privilege theory taken to extremes. I’ve observed some of these questionable patterns in my activist communities over the past several years.

As an activist, I stand with others against white supremacy, anti-blackness, cisheteropatriarchy, capitalism, and imperialism. I am queer, trans, Chinese American, middle class, and able-bodied.

Holding these identities scattered across the spectrum of privilege, I have done my best to find my place in the movement, while educating myself on social justice issues to the best of my ability. But after witnessing countless people be ruthlessly torn apart in community for their mistakes and missteps, I started to fear my own comrades.

As a cultural studies scholar, I am interested in how that culture—as expressed through discourse and popular narratives—does the work of power. Many disciplinary practices of the activist culture succeed in curbing oppressive behaviors. Callouts, for example, are necessary for identifying and addressing problematic behavior. But have they become the default response to fending off harm? Shutting down racist, sexist, and similar conversations protects vulnerable participants. But has it devolved into simply shutting down all dissenting ideas? When these tactics are liberally applied, without limit, inside marginalized groups, I believe they hold back movements by alienating both potential allies and their own members.

In response to the unrestrained use of callouts and unchecked self-righteousness by leftist activists, I spend enormous amounts of energy protecting my activist identity from attack. I self-police what I say when among other activists. If I’m not 100 percent sold on the reasons for a political protest, I keep those opinions to myself—though I might show up anyway.

On social media, I’ve stopped commenting with thoughtful push back on popular social justice positions for fear of being called out. For example, even though some women at the 2017 women’s march reproduced the false and transmisogynistic idea that all women have vaginas, I still believe that the event was a critical win for the left and should not be written off so easily as it has been by some in my community.

Understand, even though I am using callouts as a prime example, I am not against them. Several times, I have been called out for ways I have carelessly exhibited ableism, transmisogyny, fatphobia, and xenophobia. I am able to rebound quickly when responding with openness to those situations. I am against a culture that encourages callouts conducted irresponsibly, ones that abandon the person being called out and ones done out of a desire to experience power by humiliating another community member.

I am also concerned about who controls the language of social justice, as I see it wielded as a weapon against community members who don’t have access to this rapidly evolving lexicon. Terms like “oppression,” “tone policing,” “emotional labor,” “diversity,” and “allyship” are all used in specific ways to draw attention to the plight of minoritized people. Yet their meanings can also be manipulated to attack and exclude.

Furthermore, most social justice 101 articles I see online are prescriptive checklists. Although these can be useful resources for someone who has little familiarity with these issues, I worry that this model of education contributes to the false idea that we have only one way to think about, talk about, and ultimately, do activism. I think that movements are able to fully breathe only when there is a plurality of tactics, and to some extent, of ideologies.

I am not the first nor the last to point out that these movements for liberation and justice are exhibiting the same oppressive patterns that we are fighting against in larger society. Rather than wallowing in critique or walking away from this work, I choose a third option—that we as a community slow down, acknowledge this pattern and develop an ethics of activism as a response.

I believe it’s sorely needed as we struggle to mobilize in a chaotic and unjust world.

What might an ethics of activism look like?

Knowing when to be hard and when to be soft

I believe that when confronting unjust situations and unjust people, sometimes hardness is necessary, and other times softness is appropriate. Gaining the discernment to know when to use each is a task for a lifetime. I have often seen a burning anger at the core of activism, especially for newer activists. Anger can be righteous, and it often is when stemming from marginalized peoples weary of being mistreated. And yet, I want to use my anger as a tool for reaching the deeper, healing powers I possess when carving out a path of sustainable activism. Black social justice facilitator and doula adrienne maree brown writes of her oppressors, “What if what’s needed isn’t sexy, intimidating or violent? What if what is needed is forgiveness?” I’ve spent a good deal of energy exercising my ability to speak truth to power and boldly naming my enemies. Perhaps it is time to massage my heart so that I can choose to be soft toward someone in community who is hurting me, and open up the possibility of mutual transformation.

Adopting a politics of imperfection and responsibility

I have been mulling over sociologist Alexis Shotwell’s call for the left to adopt a “politics of imperfection and responsibility” as one way to move forward toward action and away from purity. A politics of imperfection asks me to openly acknowledge the ways in which my family and I have benefited and continue to benefit from oppressive systems such as slavery, capitalism, and settler colonialism. This is an ongoing investigation into my own complicity.  I am a Chinese American with immigrant parents, and my family has built economic stability by buying into the model minority myth, which is based largely in anti-blackness. As uninvited guests and visitors to this part of the world, we have claimed our new home on lands stolen from indigenous peoples. A politics of responsibility means that as I am complicit in harmful systems, I also possess full agency to do good. This allows me to commit to dismantling these systems and embracing centuries-long legacies of resistance. It means I am accountable in community spaces and do not destroy myself when others call me out on my errors. It means I practice a generosity of spirit and forgiveness towards myself and others. To do all this, I must publicly claim both imperfection and personal responsibility as an activist.

Tapping into our shared humanity

Marginalized people ask that privileged people look at them and see a human being, not a lesser-than being. Oppressive systems operate by systemically dehumanizing some groups for the benefit of others. On the flip side, I believe people with privilege are dehumanized when internalizing their societal supremacy over others. For example, the ethnographic studies that have been conducted to explain the election of Donald Trump have revealed the mass identity crisis in white America. We have seen poor and working class white Americans denounce people of color and diversity efforts because, sadly, they perceive them as threats to their historically established power and access. Rather than base cultural identities solely on power, could we tap into what we all have in common: our humanity, no matter how trampled it is? Black public theologian Christena Cleveland practices envisioning the humanity in those who challenge and attack her. According to her, training herself to cultivate love for her enemies makes it more effective for her to communicate and speak her truth into their hearts. She is as concerned about her well-being as she is about transforming antagonistic people in her life into “liberated oppressors.” Black elder activist Ruby Sales firmly tells her oppressors, with unyielding love in her voice: “You can’t make me hate you.”

These are suggestions that have aided me in navigating toxic social justice environments. In testing them out, I try to stay open to new tactics while understanding that I must remain flexible and responsive to the variable stages of justice work. If we as activists do not feel safe in our experimental microcosms of justice and liberation, what can we attempt to replicate across larger society?

[stainyourhands]

Freaky Friday AU (Sidney Crosby/Claude Giroux): Part I/II

It's been a disappointing season.

Sid is okay enough with his production.  Third in the league in points and assists in 77 games, his second almost-full season in a row, but it's not enough.  The Pens barely squeaked into the playoffs and, once there, put up no fight.

Down and out in five games.  With no answer to Hank or the Rangers' scorers, it wasn't even a contest.

It's embarrassing.

"OT," Flower offers with a shrug, as if a Game 5 OT loss is somehow better than a regulation loss.

Sid grunts, drops his head heavily into his palm, and stares out the window as New York City flickers and dims behind them.  At least it's a relatively quick two-hour flight.  Just enough time to bury himself deep in regret, frustration, and the feeling that it's all slipping away from him.  

The Next Great One.  Canada's Golden Boy.  But, at twenty-seven, Sid isn't much of a kid anymore, and the media seems plenty happy to pass the baton to McDavid and Eichel and that Matthews kid as if Sid's done, over, past his prime.

"The End of an Era," the media will write tomorrow morning.

They'll quote the sound bites Sid fed them in between OT and the showers. "We faced a lot of adversity this year" and "we struggled with a lot of injuries; we never really got going as a team" and "the guys did a great job and we showed a work ethic we can built on."

When Sid will really be thinking that it isn't fair.  That it isn't over.  That he still has ten or twelve good years left, if he can avoid another concussion.

All he can think about now, though, in the dark and quiet of the plane, with Flower sleeping beside him and Geno angrily betting away a month's salary in on-line Poker behind him, is that he hasn't done enough.

Suddenly his two Gold Medals and one Stanley Cup feel like pittance against the expectations set a decade ago.  A decade that started with so much promise - back when Sid was the youngest captain in the league with a Cup and a Hart Trophy already under his belt – and has ended with a Dynasty in Chicago, two surprise Cups in LA, and six straight disappointing playoff exits for the Pens.

He wants more.  He expects more.  Pittsburgh and Canada and Mario and his parents, they all expect more.

Sid's always been good at dealing with expectations.  They come with the job, with playing hockey the way he wants to play it.  Somewhere over the middle of Pennsylvania, the disappointment of missing those expectations crystalizes into anger and resentment that those expectations have been thrust upon him at all.

It must be etched into the lines around his mouth.  As they land in Pittsburgh, Geno wraps his long, callused fingers around Sid's neck, squeezing a direction into his skin.  Every thought of going home to a bottle of vodka and a day or two of sleep fly out the door as Sid lets himself be led into the passenger seat of Geno's SUV.

It's long after midnight, and when Geno reaches over to rest a comforting hand on Sid's knee, Sid focuses on that, rather than the city rushing by or the soft whispers of their teammates in the backseat.  He tries to remember what this was like almost six years ago, sitting in this exact seat with the Stanley Cup in the car behind them.  He's almost forgotten what it's like to celebrate a win with Pittsburgh's fans, rather than drown a loss in one of the city's most exclusive clubs.

Sid feels like he's hiding.  From the fans' disappointment or continued belief in him, he's not quite sure.

"Is dark," Geno says, when they climb out of the car and he's close enough to tap at Sid's head. "In here."

"Yeah," Sid agrees.

"Is-?" Geno pauses, tilts his head, continues. "Is like before?  With concussion?"

Sid shakes his head, quick and hard enough to set off the low grain headache always hovering at the base of his spine.  The doctor's say it'll probably be there forever. "No, I'm fine.  Just- I hate losing."

Geno snorts. "We buy shots.  Make losing better."

Sid decides that he'll do whatever he can to prove Geno right.  To succeed in at least this, when he didn't do any good helping Geno score power play goals, or any other kinds of goals, for that matter.  

They drink enough for Sid to start dancing.  He mostly uses the robot moves that Colby taught him years ago, and they're old-hat by now.  His teammates never seem to tire of watching him though, urging him on with shots and cat calls and song requests with angular enough beats for Sid's moves to work.

Sid loves them for it.  He loves them like brothers, like family, but even through the alcohol haze he knows that this is the last time they'll all be together like this.  With losing seasons comes change, and Sid wears each of the boys they've lost – Colby, Jordan, Nealsy, the list goes on and on – like bruises down his spine, soft and sore whenever he turns just right or thinks just the wrong thoughts.

"It doesn't matter," he tells Geno, his face pressed into Geno's neck as dawn starts rising in the East and they stumble out of the club to hail a cab. "I miss them, and it doesn't matter.  We still don't win."

"Who?" Geno frowns, giving the cab driver directions to his favorite little Russian café, tucked away in the Pittsburgh hills.  Nana is always open for Geno, and she throws open the doors with her arms wide open, gathering both Sid and Geno from the cab into her arms.

"Thank you," Sid says, as he clings to her and misses his own grandmother back in Nova Scotia. "For opening so early."

Nana tuts, pinching his ear and dragging him into the restaurant. "I watch game on TV.  I know you boys will be here."

"Well, all the same." Sid shrugs, rubbing at the back of his ear as he slumps into his seat.

Nana's already been cooking and she piles their table full of strong teas and biscuits and thick, hearty soups that coat their stomachs and soak up some of the vodka they'd been drinking.  They eat in silence for long minutes, listening to the Russian opera Nana plays in the kitchen, until Sid stops to blow at his soup and pick up the string of their conversation again.

"I just want a winger," Sid blurts, before backtracking quickly. "I mean, I love Duper and Kuni.  You know I-"

Geno's probably rolling his eyes, but Sid can't really tell behind the soup bowl he has raised to his mouth. "Yes, Sid, I know.  You love teammates.  We family."

"Yeah."

"But deserve better winger.  Playmaker, sniper.  I know." Geno pushes a loaf of bread across the table as he nods. "I deserve, too."

"Yeah."

"Like Sasha."

Sid frowns at the hunk of break he's tearing off to dip into the soup.  He can barely hear the opera from the kitchen anymore and he can feel Nana listening to them. "Maybe not Ovi, specifically."

Geno waves him away. "He score."

"Yeah, but-" Sid jabs at a piece of potato with his bread. "That'd be almost as bad as Giroux."

Geno shivers.

Sid laughs, parrots, "he scores," and lifts his bowl to finish off the dregs of his soup.

Geno's still frowning when Sid puts the bowl down and Sid snorts, throwing the rest of his bread at Geno's chest.

"Don't be an idiot.  I don't actually want Giroux as my winger." He sobers a little, his headache returning as the rich, thick food starts to settle. "It's just that hockey is all I have, you know?  I put everything else on hold while I did this, as well as I can, for as long as I can.  And all I have to show for it are an empty house and a Cup." He holds up his index finger to emphasize and Geno frowns.

"You best, Sid.  It matter."

Pots clang and drawers slam in the kitchen, and then Nana's at their table, holding a glass of clear liquid with silver and gold flecks in it.  She clucks as she hands it to Sid. "Chin up," she chides, and Sid flushes.  He knows he sounds particularly maudlin and despondent, but he just needs to get it out tonight and then he'll be fine.

"Geno doesn't get any?" Sid asks, smelling the drink and almost gagging.  It smells strong, even worse than the stuff Geno's brother brings whenever he visits.

Nana shakes her head. "Is from my village, in Siberia.  Special vodka, cannot be gotten anywhere else.  If very expensive."

"I can share," Sid offers, cutting of Geno's protest.

"No, no, you guest.  And you need more."

Sid frowns.  He doesn’t know what that means.

She taps her foot, crossing her arms across her bosom. "Drink up."

Sid knows better than to cross her, so he tilts his head back to swallow the shot.  It's sweeter than he thought it would be, heavily spiced and even stronger than the smell suggested.  It burns down his throat and, when he coughs, spreads from his lungs outwards until his whole body is warm and buzzing with it.

Across the table, Geno makes a noise of protest and Nana sighs. "You know where regular vodka is.  Do not take good stuff."

Geno scrambles up from the table and, as he disappears into the kitchen, Nana leans against the table, close enough to Sid's face that he can count the wrinkles on her weathered face.

"Now you listen to me.  We don't have much time."

"Time?" Sid asks.  His mouth feels a little heavy and slow, and he can't seem to make his muscles move to lean away from her. "Time for what?"

She puts a hand to his mouth. "Shh, listen."

Sid nods.  Or, tries to not.  He's not sure if he succeeds.  His neck is weak, almost too weak to hold his head up anymore, and his vision's going spotty at the edges.  The way it does, right after a hit and right before the diagnosis that has left him off the ice too many times.

He's tired.  His eyes are closing, and Nana grabs his shoulders, her fingers two boney points for him to focus on as she says, her voice rushed and low and serious.

"There are things you must learn, ма́льчик." Young boy. "Figure out what is missing, only then can you return."

"Return?  Where am I going?" Sid's voice sounds worried he thinks, but he's hearing it from a distance, deep within the fog already engulfing him.  Nana's face is growing blurred and distant, and he has to strain to hear Geno in the kitchen, opening cupboards and muttering to himself in Russian.

"Good luck." She squeezes his shoulders, pressing a papery kiss to his forehead.

Sid wants to scream for Geno, but he's falling deeper, deeper, deeper.  And then everything goes black.

***