#pretty sure this one is bulletproof tho

[lauronk]

I was watching a movie (that one with natalie portman) and I got an Idea. A ficlet where joel is a professional hitman (or a retired one) and ellie is his daughter. She loves him, and he is devoted for her. He is wrapped around her little finger and he knows that.

What he doesn't tell her tho? he actually killed her father for his client. He only realized there was a baby in the house when it was too late. The truth eats him alive everyday, but he will never tell her. Never.

hi anon! thank you for this prompt, it fully latched into my brain and derailed the other stuff i had planned on working on lmao i hope you enjoy!

(this time baby) i’ll be bulletproof

length: ~2.6k words

tags: pov joel; joel & ellie; modern au; death/murder; brief mentions of blood; tess is alive; kidnapping; ellie’s whole life is a lie she just doesn’t know it; joel’s a hitman so what do you expect; joel’s also a great dad, what did you expect; no beta we die like david

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Gentle finger squeeze on the trigger. Exhale.

The target drops before he even realizes he’s been shot, a small pool of blood gathering on the carpet underneath his head. The man had been nice enough - not that he’d realized it - to leave his window open, so there wasn’t even the shattering of glass to alert anyone. He’d be found in an hour or so, when his wife returned home from her nail appointment, and by then, Joel would be long gone.

-

Sometimes he regretted the path he’d wound up on, the way his life had diverged from everything it should have been. Joel could look back and pinpoint exactly where the fork had occurred - his daughter, a victim of the wrong place at the wrong time, one man so bent on vengeance he didn’t care who he’d hurt in the process.

He had been the first one Joel had ever killed. Twenty years later, and he hadn’t stopped.

Only difference was, now he got paid for it, and handsomely at that.

-

The television is still on when Joel opens the front door, and he pauses, hand on the knob. It’s entirely too late for anyone else to still be awake, and he turns his head towards the dark hallway that branches off the living room towards the back of the house.

He makes sure he makes a fair amount of noise in the process of taking off his shoes and hanging up his keys. His pistol he secures in the safe over the fireplace, making sure it’s locked again before he slides the wall panel back in place. The TV he shuts off, and he pours a glass of water before finally making his way down the hall to the second door on the left.

“Ellie?” Joel knocks gently before pressing a hand against the door and nudging it open.

She gives an exaggerated deep breath, and Joel chuckles, stepping all the way into her room. He can make out the shape of her under her covers, curled on her side, a faint hint of moonlight trickling through the window.

The glass of water he deposits on her nightstand - he knows she’ll want it later - and lowers himself carefully to sit on her mattress near her hip. Her breathing picks up and then slows again, like she thinks he hasn’t already caught on.

“C’mon, baby,” Joel shakes her shoulder gently, his voice teasing. “I know you ain’t sleepin’.”

Ellie rolls over, blinking at him owlishly. She even brings a hand up to rub her eyes, widening them comically like she’s surprised to see him. “Dad?”

“TV didn’t shut off all the way,” Joel tells her helpfully, snorting when her hand immediately falls from her face and her head flops back dramatically on her pillow.

“Fuck.”

He tucks the comforter around her a little more tightly, brushing a stray piece of hair back from her forehead. “Yeah.” Her hand comes up and wraps around his wrist, squeezing gently. “You’re pretty busted, kiddo.”

Ellie shakes the hand holding his, waggling his arm around. “Why do I even still have a bedtime? I’m fourteen. Dina and Jesse don’t have bedtimes.”

He shakes his arm right back, eliciting a small giggle from her. “Dina and Jesse ain’t been caught sneakin’ out recently, have they? Maybe that’s got somethin’ to do with it, hmm?”

Ellie huffs, but she doesn’t argue. She had been busted after all, caught down at the neighborhood pool with some other kids by Marlene, the HOA president, and brought to his door dripping wet at one a.m. Bedtime and curfew had been reinstated after that, and Ellie had three more months of probation from him before it would be lifted.

It didn’t feel good to do - he’d struggled with punishing Sarah at all too - but it let him give free rein to some of his paranoia, gave him an excuse to keep her locked in the house a little more. It wouldn’t last forever - nor should it, Joel knew well and good that Ellie needed to go out and live her own life - but while she was still young enough, he’d shield her from everything he could.

Sarah hadn’t made it to fifteen - Joel was determined to see that Ellie did.

“Get some sleep, baby girl,” he tells her softly, brushing his fingers back and forth across her forehead in the way he knows will soothe her to sleep best. It’s worked since she was a baby, and sure enough her eyes are already drifting closed. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Waffles?” Ellie mumbles, rolling on her side and burying her face into her pillow.

Joel smiles down at her, feeling that same tug behind his heart that he has every time since he first held her. “Yeah, baby, we’ll do waffles.”

This time, her breathing deepens out naturally, mouth falling slack, and Joel bends forward to press a kiss to her temple. “Dream somethin’ good,” he whispers, same as he does every night. He ain’t superstitious - can’t afford to be, in his line of work - but he’s always been afraid that the nights he hasn’t been around to tell her, she’ll have nightmares.

Joel shuts the door behind him, padding back through the living room to double check the locks on the doors and windows and set the alarm. When he’s sure they’re as secure as can be, he makes his way back down to his room. He can’t fight the urge to open Ellie’s door one more time and peek in on her; she hasn’t moved, not that he expected her to.

His own room is dark, blackout curtains preventing even a hint of moonlight coming in. He’d wanted to put the same curtains in Ellie’s room for safety, but she’d put her foot down - I need to see the fucking sun, Dad - and Joel had relented. Her room faced the backyard, and they had no neighbors on that side, just a tall fence with motion sensors spaced carefully along it.

Joel doesn’t bother with a lamp, instead making his way straight through to his bathroom and flicking on the light there. As always, he avoids the sight of his reflection, instead turning his back on the mirror and flipping the handle on the shower. He cranks it as hot as he’ll be able to stand and tugs off his clothes, tossing them into a small pile on the floor. He’ll have to do laundry in the morning, get the first load going before Ellie’s awake.

The bathroom is already filling with steam by the time Joel steps under the spray, the water immediately stinging his skin like a thousand small needles. It immediately starts to soothe the aches in his body though, and Joel turns slowly until it’s beating between his shoulder blades.

He’s getting too old for this. Fifty-six, with nearly twenty years of it under his belt. He’s still deadly, sure, one of the best to ever do it as Tess so frequently tells him.

But his recovery times are slower, his reflexes dulling. His already damaged hearing in his right ear is only getting worse.

He’s not far from being a liability - he knows what they do to liabilities.

And he’s got Ellie to think of.

Joel rotates again, sticks his head under the water and lets it sluice down over his face.

He’ll bring it up with Tess soon, Joel thinks. He doesn’t know what the protocol is here - few in his line of work live long enough for it to be a consideration - but they’ll work something out. Better for him to get out now, after a damn near perfect record, while he’s still got enough health and energy to spend with his daughter.

Better that than him getting old and slow, getting sloppy and getting caught.

He shuts the water off and tugs the towel around his waist. The rest of his evening routine he does by rote - dressing, brushing his teeth, turning down his bed - and by the time his head hits the pillow, Joel’s able to slip straight into sleep.

-

He doesn’t usually dream when he sleeps - a side effect, he’d guess, of the way he lives his life. Maybe there’d been nightmares at first, flashes of the lives he’d taken, faint remembrances. But those had stopped with enough time and blood, and his sleep became peaceful again.

Not this night, though.

-

The hallways stretching before him is dark and long, shadows stretching out like fingers, and Joel walks silently as close to the wall as he dares. The floor is less likely to squeak there, but too close to the wall and he’ll brush against a frame or hanging, send it crashing to the ground. Easiest way to get caught, if you’re stupid.

And Joel Miller ain’t stupid.

The first two rooms - a study and a guest room - are clear. Tonight’s unfortunate soul is a widower, a man whose increasingly large debts to Joel’s employer were beyond the point of repayment. Nothing left to do but put the man out of his misery, leave the murky back-end of liquidating the man’s assets to the techies. His only job was making it look natural.

The third room is the master, a four poster bed in the middle, the target in question asleep under the covers.

It’s almost absurdly easy, and Joel leaves the body behind with a mental note to ask Tess for something more challenging next time. He doesn’t know what it says about him that this murder felt boring, but he doesn’t bother dwelling on it.

This is who he is now.

Joel does a final check, sweeping the hall with a flashlight to make sure he left no trace. He’s just clicked the light off when he hears it - a muffled sound of some sort, coming from the only door he hasn’t checked.

Joel advances, feet light, and draws his pistol as he approaches the door, turn the knob slowly with a gloved hand. A faint beam of light meets his eyes, and Joel blinks, inhaling slowly to keep his heart rate low as his eyes adjust.

The sound echoes again, and Joel pushes the door open carefully, pausing when the hinges emit the faintest squeak. Nothing stirs inside, no other sound follows.

Might be a dog or cat, Joel reasons with himself. Wouldn’t be the first time.

After another moment of stillness, he nudges the door open further, eyes scanning back and forth over the room. Taking in the bookshelf, the night light, the tall dresser, the —

The crib against the wall.

Joel’s hand falls limp next to his side, pistol dangling from numb fingertips.

He doesn’t do parents. He’s made that clear to Tess and her bosses a thousand times over. He’ll kill just about anyone, but not if they’ve got kids, and especially not if those kids still live at home. Tess knows - she knows - that’s a hard line for him. So either he was lied to when given the file, or their intel had been bad and they hadn’t known.

But there is - a chubby hand lifts from the crib - there is a baby in the crib. A small, now orphaned child.

Joel orphaned them.

He tucks the pistol into the back of his jeans and takes a careful step closer. And then another, and another, until he’s right next to the crib, hands gripping the railing as he peers down.

Bright brown eyes are staring back up at him, chubby cheeks framing an open mouth. The blanket covering most of her body reads Ellie.

“Ellie,” Joel repeats softly. “‘s that your name?”

A chubby fist waves up at him as if in response.

He should leave. He needs to leave. The job’s done, and the longer he stays here the longer he risks getting caught or leaving behind a trail.

But Ellie is staring up at him from her crib, rosebud mouth opening and closing and little babbles escaping.

He should leave.

But instead Joel bends down, hands carefully scooping underneath her back until she’s cradled against his chest. She rests there easily, something like a contented sigh - if he thought babies could make such a noise - escaping her. The warmth of her against him has something in his chest fracturing, splintering, breaking wide open. All the pieces of him seem to realign, and without thought Joel bends down to pick up her blanket. There’s a nearly full diaper bag by the door, and Joel snags that too.

Ellie doesn’t stir against him as they exit the house through the back and Joel winds them through the trees lining the back of the property. He doesn’t have a car seat, he realizes. He’ll need to get one of those - for the time being Joel lowers himself to sit in the backseat of the car with Ellie still held against him.

He’ll call Tess, Joel decides, back of his finger stroking gently over Ellie’s cheek. She can come get him, get someone else to get his car out of here. She’ll be mad, probably more than a little freaked out, but it ain’t for her to worry about.

Ellie’s his.

She stretches a bit, a small fist making contact with his neck. Immediately Joel starts to rub her back, low voice murmuring in her ear.

“It’s okay, baby girl. I got you.”

-

Joel blinks awake, the familiar sight of his ceiling coming in to focus above him. He doesn’t dream about the night he found Ellie very often, but every time he does it’s as clear as if it had just happened.

A glance at the clock on his nightstand shows it’s nearing on eight, which means Ellie’ll probably be up soon.

He totes his laundry basket down the hall to the laundry room, hitting the power button on the coffee maker when he passes. He’ll get the laundry going, his coffee made, the waffle batter started. And then they can have breakfast together, figure out how they want to spend their Wednesday. It’s summer, so Ellie’s out of school, and he’s off for the day.

Joel strolls over to the window facing the backyard as he sips his coffee, waffle batter made and sitting in the fridge. He’d moved around a lot before Ellie - hazard of the job - but he’d wanted her to have stability, safety. It made it trickier, meant he could take fewer jobs, but he’d stashed up enough money to make that less of a concern.

Tess had predictably lost her shit when she’d found Joel in the back of his car, Ellie snoozing against Joel, but within a matter of hours he’d had a crib and enough supplies to last two weeks. Within three days he’d had a birth certificate listing a dead woman as Ellie’s mother and Joel as her father. Any trace of her in the target’s house had been swiftly and carefully eradicated.

And Ellie had never known about any of it. If Joel had his way, she never would.

A yawn from behind him has Joel turning around, smile spreading across his cheeks at the sight of Ellie shuffling across the living room towards him in her pajamas, hair tousled and eyes half-open. She all but collapses against him, head thunking against his chest as she yawns again.

“Waffles?”

Joel chuckles, dropping a kiss to the top of her head. “C’mon, sleepyhead, let’s get you some waffles.”

There was nothing more important to Joel than his daughter. And nothing he wouldn’t do to keep her from learning the truth.

[words-after-midnight]

Hey thanks for the follow and reblog! Just stopping by to say your WIPs sound interesting and unique. For Storyteller Saturday: Since Life in Black and White is an aughts period piece, is there a song from that time that reminds you of the story or characters? Or a song the characters like? (Believe it or not I was going to ask this anyway before I saw your playlist poll lol. Im curious either way tho!)

Ooooh thank you for this, I love music questions!

I'm sure I will forget some, but here are some songs from the aughts that I associate with the story/characters (many of these were on the original playlist, as I actually drafted the story in the late aughts):

Yellow by Coldplay (2000)*

It's Been Awhile by Staind (2001)

Weathered by Creed (2001)

My Sacrifice by Creed (2001)

Hide by Creed (2001) - This song still makes me emotional to this day, bwuh. 🙃

Breathe Your Name by Sixpence None the Richer (2002)

Down and Out of Time by Sixpence None the Richer (2002)

Dark Diamond by Elton John (2002)

Original Sin by Elton John (2002)

This Train Don't Stop There Anymore by Elton John (2002)

Unwell by Matchbox Twenty (2002)

Bright Lights by Matchbox Twenty (2002)

Clocks by Coldplay (2002)* - I've considered this the story's theme song, pretty much, since I started drafting in 2008.

The Scientist by Coldplay (2002)*

Harder to Breathe by Maroon 5 (2002) - Generally not a fan of Maroon 5 but this song is lyrically great for Gabriel

Fallen by Sarah McLachlan (2003)

Stupid by Sarah McLachlan (2003)

Train Wreck by Sarah McLachlan (2003) - this one is funny because I refer to the Gabriel/Jeff dyad as "trainwreck," but this song is not where the name comes from. It just fits lyrically.

Mr. Brightside by The Killers (2004)

Savin' Me by Nickelback (2005) - The actual only Nickelback song I've ever liked because of how perfect the lyrics are for this story lol

Amid the Falling Snow by Enya (2005)

Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap (2005)

Us by Regina Spektor (2006)

To Build a Home by The Cinematic Orchestra (2007) - Not to be dramatic but I can barely listen to this song now lol.

Death and all His Friends by Coldplay (2008)*

O My Heart by Mother Mother (2008)**

Burning Pile by Mother Mother (2008)**

Body by Mother Mother (2008)**

Ghosting by Mother Mother (2008)**

Try to Change by Mother Mother (2008)**

40 Day Dream by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros (2009)

Bulletproof by La Roux (2009)

White Blank Page by Mumford and Sons (2009)

The Cave by Mumford and Sons (2009)

*Can you tell I was listening to a lot of Coldplay as a teenager? The opening chapter is called "A Rush of Blood to the Head" after the album that Clocks and The Scientist are on.

**Alternate playlist for libaw: the 2008 Mother Mother album "O My Heart."

In terms of what music They™ enjoy (ie. stuff they actually listened to at that time, so mostly older stuff than the aughts):

Gabriel's mostly an alt rock/metal/punk & similar type, which I'm sure will surprise approximately no one who's read Gabriel. His frequently played artists include Nine Inch Nails (his favorite band), Joy Division, Tool, Radiohead, RATM and the like. He's also been known to dabble in more electronic genres (eg. we share an appreciation for Daft Punk and Depeche Mode), enjoy classical music (eg. Beethoven), and have a certain nostalgic fondness for some classic rock, such as GNR and Pink Floyd, and Elton John, who was his late mother's favorite singer.

Jeff's a big classic rock snob* - think GNR, Zeppelin, AC/DC, Rolling Stones, CCR, Van Halen, Springsteen. His favorite band is Pink Floyd (favorite album Animals). Caveat: if you get him drunk enough there's a chance he'll jokingly (read: fully seriously) put on either Aquamarine by Aqua or Voulez-Vous by Abba and get very into it.

*He gets that from me. The classic rock part, not the snob part.

[spidersonicbatl0]

“Rex acts sussy right before he betrays Mark and is a cold motherfucker to everyone” as someone who will defend Rex to the end of earth. I will never defend him for killed kid Thor, knock out shapesmith (surprise no one use the chaos emeralds to being him back), black Samson (rex is a true gamer) and that black guy who can turn into an white guy (forgot his name). Like bro could you make some dimensions travel technology and inter transmission them to a peaceful universe, you have options!

Tho, I pretty sure he was to intending backstab bulletproof and kill the remaining guardians (he have 6 invincible robots. What bulletproof going to do cheating with girlfriend for the 6 thousand time). But shapesmith final words and killing him made him change his plan out of guilt.

Also “Mark called him “pure intellect” felt a bit queer” his best friend is a gay guy. It started to wear off on him!

So chat you might be wondering if I'm still reading and the answer is yes, I haf to take a break and the website broke for a bit but yes. I don't even know where to start with all this.

This shit is getting serious. Dinosaurus happened and the way Mark called him "pure intellect" felt a bit queer. Mark lost his powers and got them back. There was a Michonne reference. The clones came back but not in the way I was expecting. Rex acts sussy right before he betrays Mark and is a cold motherfucker to everyone. Amanda was not the imposter. 'Rule the world', brother you can't even keep your girl. How are you so fucked up and so pathetic? I love him but I hate him somebody stop him. Rhrahrhrhrhraha!

[spoonyruncible]

I’m gonna chase one last rabbit tonight and then go to bed because today has been long and difficult and strange. Not bad, over all, but weird.

So, we all know about rogue waves, right? Sneaker waves? Freak waves? Monster waves? Killer waves? Just big ol nasty huge walls of ocean that show up for absolutely no good reason and wreck anything stupid enough to trust the sea for a hot second. Hell, in my adoptive home of Oregon I have seen warning signs for these waves on Cannon Beach. Winter is peak Ocean Gon Kill You season. This has been a known fact ever since the first thinking protohuman stared out at the endless expanse of water with jellied knees and a quaking heart.

No, no it has not been a known fact. Until the year of our Lord nineteen and ninety five there was no such thing. It was folklore and tall tales and the vivid imaginations of old sailors. Now, I’m aware that before 1995 (the year the fucking PS1 was released) people were definitely looking for evidence of rogue waves but they still weren’t factual events. Anyone just 'knows' that rogue waves are a thing that will happen, ask any coastal community. Ask anyone who has been forced unwilling onto a boat, keenly aware of the cruel mercies that control their fate. Of course there are giant waves that show up for no good reason and smanch up anything stupid enough to exist. That's just a fact. But until 1995 (when Toy Story was in theatres) it was not a fact, it was mere conjecture.

It's now known that they not only exist but occur way more often than they probably should. But, like, they didn't legally exist before 1995 no matter how many mysterious disappearances they were responsible for. That drives me crazy.

Anyway, my point is that 2022 can be the 1995 of horny Bigfoots. With your help and just a little seed money I truly believe I can bring this well known and documented enigma beyond the realm of mere gossip or speculation and well into the sphere of scientific fact. In this essay I will-

[prettyboykatsuki]

got any fluffy/smutty thoughts about that man to share with us?

about hanma?? i don't know ive never really given it any thought.

i will say though i do genuinely think he'd be a pretty good boyfriend which i dont think is very popular fanon of him lmaoooo i know he gets the cheater and deadbeat label a bit

but i do think the tokyorev fanon tends to be extra bad in the characterization department. hanma is a very misunderstood character in that while he certainly has a skewed moral compass, he's very cognizant in making those choices. similarly to how sanzu is much more rational than how he acts.

hanma is just less belligerent about the whole thing but he's very aware of himself.

i think in a relationship you're biggest issue is that he'll brush you off when you make complaints or try to like. fuck away your arguements which doesn't normally work but is pretty typical for a guy like him. he'd probably be a little hard to tie down? doesn't seem like the marriage type but more like a long-term relationship type if that makes any sense. if he ever gets out of organized crime he'd probably marry you, i just think he'd need to finish whatever he's set out to achieve.

also like. he's a very human character he just sort of swallows it so no one can pin down his achilles heel and like kill him or whatever. i think unlike sanzu hanma doesn't seem himself as bulletproof and perceives life to be very finnicky, so he tends to be much more careful about what moves he makes.

but at least canonically, hanma is a relatively complex character so i think he's definitely attracted to people who can match his wit and keep up with him. he's not got the temperament for love so you'd definitely experience a lot of turmoil early but he's capable of being serious. it's a timing thing for him? like he needs to make sure everything else works out. if you're loyal to him, he's loyal to you but it requires a lot of faith on both ends.

also like. i do think for hanma you have to sort of bring him out of his state of mind because he moves like he died about ten years ago.

he's probably a quality time person and fucking hilarious. very witty? social able when he's around like... your parents or something. in an ironic twist very good with kids i think. honestly kinda harmless to everyone else like LMAOO. seems like he eats a lot of junk food. he tries really hard to smoke less because you keep complaining about him dying early.

despite his issues, mostly i think hanma would show up for you in whatever way he could. it's kind of his way of dignifying you and showing respect. graduations, a tire gone flat, a pad run. to the world he's sort of this slippery snake in the grass but he will show up for you every time, no matter how much he complains about it at first. kinda loves you like he's sorry he's there which makes me a little sad.

nsfw nothing yet. stroke game is probably crazy tho

[ennoshawty]

HQ CAPTAINS AS THINGS

i was bored and felt like doing a crackfic thing but i didn’t have any solid themes or good ideas

SO I PRESENT TO YOU - THE CAPTAINS. AS THINGS. IDK HOW TO WORD THIS BUT YOU’LL SEE AS WE GO ALONG.

warnings: VERY LONG, slandering a crybaby oikawa (lovingly), mentions f!reader, shitposting, mentions of violence in kita's, (a bit) yandere!kita, cursing, unedited, me being an idiot

officer!daichi

we are: vigilante/troublemaker

loving the enemies-to-lovers trope so much

nah bro you ain’t full criminal (bc my preppy ass could never) you just do the small vandalism things y’know like drawing peepees on government buildings and knocking over bins

u literally confessed to him by spraypainting the entire billboard by his workplace “I LIKE YOU” like way to go girl

He didn’t appreciate the creative graffiti but he rlly likes u so all u had to do was clean it and then next thing u know yall are out on a cute cafe date

but let’s talk about before yall got together

he’d CHASE u thru alleyways when he’d catch you writing “police sux” on the fuckin wall

bro is NOT AT ALL afraid to jump onto the roofs it’s FRIGHTENING to see this huge ass police officer storm after u

HES SO FAST HOT DAMN WOMAN HOW DO U GET AWAY FROM HIM??? USAIN BOLT WHOMST???

you’d almost always get away by a hair - he’s SO SO close

and it frustrates him but excites u oooooo arrest me shawty

and this would continue for a while

but yall have such fun fun banter - you’d tease him and he’d say something back and you’d bolt and he’d chase

some days he’d catch you. but in those times u slip away somehow

he’s having so much fun and doesn’t even know it

and then at one point he doesn’t even care about bringing u to justice anymore. he knows it’s bad for business and it’s unprofessional but he’s so attracted to u

he doesn’t even know it. HES IN DENIAL!!! his mind: “oh i’m just asking about her so that i know her motives” bruh no u just asked about our fav pastry this aint about crime anymore

and when he finally gets it,,,DINGDINGDINGDING SOUND THE ALARMS !!! MAN IS WHIPPED!! he���s more shy around u awww,,,doesn’t even want to chase u anymore but he will still engage in banter w u.

yall get a little peace treaty in the lil crush stage - you both are kinda aware of ur feelings towards each other but don't really wanna mess it up and jeopardize whatever's going on like bros PLEASE JUST KISS ITS INFURIATING

it’s more of a competition to see who will break the other first (and you lost he’s too hot)

he lets u joyride his cop car in an empty parking lot <3 he is the one <3 this is true love

u gotta marry him right now bro no excuses

u are no longer on the crime side of the law,,,u support him and only him fuck the rest of the cops (i’m jk of course...or am i)

u are his badass sidekick <3 unofficially of course until he marries u

u help him with the small things like helping lost children find their parents and helping old ladies cross the street

but you want to do the FUN stuff - chasing thieves and arresting drunkards.

unfortunately, he loves u too much to put u in danger so he keeps u from doing the dangerous things

after some protesting later, he trusts u to take care of urself. and now yall have a competition just like old times - whoever catches the most baddies at the end of the month wins (he WILL scold u if ur too reckless though)

THE TWO OF U ARE JUST GOOD COP BAD COP UHAHAHAHAHAHA

but it’s much more complicated than that - it’s either ur the laidback one and he’s the strict one or ur the fiery one and he’s the person like “calm down”

PLEASE HE HATES BRINGING U TO INTERROGATIONS he’s trying to be serious but you keep making him laugh istg he has to kick u out each time

u still make him laugh when u pout-glare at him thru the glass

bro says he’s not the stereotypical cop but the moment u surprise him with donuts and coffee in the morning he will make out w u right then and there

even though yall dating he still won’t let u play with his equipment

but sometimes u grab his walkie talkie when he’s not looking and prank call the others

and his coworkers know by now they’re like “oh it’s daichis gf” and go along with it HAHAHAHA “this is alpha 1, daichi just contracted ligma, over.” “roger, but what’s ligma? over.” “*inhale* LIGMA-” *daichi takes the walkie talkie back*

his coworkers are chill lmaoooo they love u two as a couple THEY ARE VERY SUPPORTIVE they planned a surprise anniversary party of when u joined the force (unofficially)

the juniors tanaka and noya are jelly ooooo but they respect their captain <3

u loooooove hanging out w the starry-eyed new recruit hinata and he’s bouncing around asking u personal questions “how did you date the commander!!! what’s he like as a bf??” he also accidentally exposes how much daichi talks about u in the office before he drags him away and murders him off camera

he does get u a walkie talkie that’s just connected to his line, tho. for emergencies. it’s ur second phone basically that only has his number in it

daichi LOVES it when u massage him after he’s had a long day but his shoulders are stiff as a statue,,,he’s also super stronk and can carry u anywhere <333

IMAGINE HE HAS A POLICE DOG - he doesn’t, but he’ll get one of his buddies to bring u a k9 unit so u can pet it and when he sees how happy u are he considers getting one PLSSS IT WOULD FIT HIM HELPPP

bro is VERY strict on safety. bulletproof glass in yalls house. alarms + cameras everywhere. trackers on every device. underground bunker. (just kidding lol)

daichi teaches u self-defense and gets u a bejeweled taser for ur bday <333 MARRY THIS MAN RIGHT NOW OR I’LL-

in other words i love daichi and he is husband material WIFE ME UP BUDDY

househusband!oikawa

we are: girlboss sugar mommy

somehow you tamed this bish to becoming your obedient malewife

and by obedient i mean whiny but compliant

IS MORE ATTACHED TO YOUR BLACK CARD THAN TO YOU. I SAID IT. THE TRUTH.

sure, he’s pretty and gives affection sometimes but the only time he’s bein cute and snuggly w u is when a new fendi purse came out and he wants it

his specialty is cooking but he’s so lazy he’s all “just get the maid to do it”

please give ur workers a raise he’s so demanding

when you take him to ur business parties hes ALWAYS bragging about you and ur large house with this and that and his favorite: indoor hot tub. he always brings up the indoor hot tub.

only reason you bring him is cuz he’s pretty and he whines when you leave him alone for too long

yall cant even stay for too long - he’ll practically drag u out of the building and whining that it’s too hot and his suit is too stuffy and to call a limo

he’s not afraid to embarrass u if u dont give him what he wants and he will spit out food at a formal dinner if its not to his liking

probably in competition w househusbands! makki and mattsun about who gets the best house so he’s constantly begging u for an extension to the house “please babe!!! makki has-” “no.”

8/10 times throws tantrums in public and 1465/10 times throws tantrums in the house

he wants to cry for the sake of crying. one time he lost his shirt and he wouldn’t stop bawling for 15 min

please find him a hobby

crybaby . the moment u give him the glare of death it’s over. but he’s got a cute crying face which makes up for his annoying whimpering

like he made the mistake of throwing a temper tantrum in the mall only for you to glare at him with a look that said “we’re discussing this when we get home and you’re gonna get your ass beat” and walk away. immediately stopped what he was doing and he was running after u, sniffling and mumbling apologies

please humble him and have him sleep outside. the couch is too luxurious to banish him to. he made sure of it himself. it’s reclining and has charging ports. he will not learn his lesson that way

does NOT want you to get a pet or a kid or even another sugar baby/househusband - he wants to be the center of ur attention

speaking of which he HATES it when you work for too long or work overseas. when u come back he’ll pout at u and give u the petty silent treatment

don’t bother trying to comfort him he thrives off of it and he’ll keep going so u can keep paying attention to him. if u just ignore him back he’ll come crawling back to u. “WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME IGNORING YOU?? DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME ANYMORE???”

one time yall got into a fight and he was all like “since ur being a rude mommy i’ll just find someone else !!!” inside u were like “oh god finally” but instead u said “okay”

ohmygod he panicked. he was rlly expecting for u to fight for him,,, but he doesn’t want to admit defeat first so he tries to go thru with it but you literally dont care. even when he has his chanel luggage packed and he’s standing by the door ur just like “ok bye bitch”

So he’s trying to stand by the door and wait for u to say that ur joking. ur not.

“fine! I’m leaving now!” “okay.” “...*sniffles*” “tooru, go.” “WAAAAH NO IM SORRY I DONT WANT TO-”

u knew this was going to happen sadly. u even hid the keys to all of the sports cars u own just in case he was actually going to go thru with it

tries to get in the gossip circle with the neighborhood trophy wives but they don’t think he’s cool enough. they like u though. they think ur hot asf and oikawa doesn’t like them no more bc theyre hitting on his ATM. but thanks to that u know all the gossip and shit even though u don’t ask for it

Every time u pass by a store where he thinks he wants something he’ll just cling to u and give the puppy dog eyes. like it could be out of nowhere and u see it and you’re like “where. which store.”

bro once he went luxury he never went back. he wouldn’t EVER step foot into a grocery store ever again congrats he’s been bimbo-ified

beat him with ur gucci belt pls it’s so funny

also please please PLEASE discipline him. tell him it’s NOT okay to just randomly purchase the entire swarovski store or to throw a party at ur house just bc he’s feeling petty about u being at work for too long. ofc he’ll bitch about it but you need to be firm

but don’t worry,,,he’ll get the idea when u take away black card privileges and slap him around (lovingly)

now he has to ask permission like a good boy. he’ll kneel and hug u and give a lil pout and whine

you got a bigass man child i’m sorry maam u should’ve picked tobio or ushi

ceo!kuroo

we are: secretary

bruh keeps it mostly professional during work hours

but that all gets shedded off like a snake when we on break

one minute he’s all “get these papers done by today or i swear on all that is holy i will destroy you” and then later he’s all “hey sweetheart wanna grab a cup of coffee”

flirty flirty FLIRTY FLIRTY AAAAA HES A MENACE

but you’re less than impressed bc y’know when the time clocks out and its time to go back to work he’s ruthless once more

HUMBLE HIM FOOL only when you’re on break though

will NOT stand for anyone else in the workplace bullyin u - NO WAY. only HIM

he’s got TONS and TONS of dirt on everyone in the office - NO ONE is safe so they wouldn’t even dare

RIP janet from accounting

that dumb bitch made the mistake of insulting u to ur face and in front of him. never heard from her again

it’s not even limited to the other employees - he’s not afraid to go off on a potential business partner if they dared disrespect you

bruh tries to call u on ur off days for the most randomest shit and to get ur attention

*picks up phone* “sir?” “ah! my favorite secretary ever! listen, i need you to grab my pens from my desk at the office and bring them to my place.” “...with all due respect, it’s 2 am, sir.”

but u have to comply with his ridiculous demands cuz he’s the bank

and he depends on u completely. as much as he hates to admit it - u have his schedules, itinerary, provide coffee, performance rates, stock info, you name it.

once u were out sick and he had the worst management - he’s not used to working without you

def tries to get some of ur workload off of u bc he’s worried that the stress of working for him made u sick + he doesn’t want to go thru scheduling again

prolly gets bored in meeting rooms and sends u little smirks and wiggles his eyebrows and weird looks while he’s sitting and ur standing in the corner like bruh pay attention

maybe sometimes he’s secretly makin fun of the presenter and doodling on his spare sticky note something funny to make u crack a smile

he’ll tease u for it of course “oh, secretary! you should be paying more attention! what would you do if this was important?” bruh i can multitask now keep airdropping me ur selfies i’m saving all of them (news flash: u dont save his dumbass selfies otherwise his ego will inflate too much)

sometimes likes to pull u aside from work to hug u - you say it’s highly unprofessional but he says it’s his stress reliever

you ALMOST got caught by one of the newbies and he was kabedon-ing you

he tries to play it off (since u were embarrassed too) but u know better,,,DO NOT LET HIM FORGET ABOUT IT he turns red and embarrassed every single time USE THIS TO UR ADVANTAGE !!

never goes into an elevator without you bruh is so attached to u n holds the doors open for you

but you have to open normal doors for him if he doesn’t know how it works (hint: manual doors. “why isn’t it opening on its own?” “sir, there’s a handle.” “but?? what does it do??”)

bruh acts like a dumbass sometimes so you can baby him :/// wtf man just because you’re rich doesn’t mean i’ll- ...wait...how much did you say…? that many zeros? HAND ME THAT FORK YES I’LL FEED YOU COME HERE- HERE COMES THE AIRPLANE BITCH

brings u to overseas trips and he spoils u too

no matter how much you insist that you’re ok he gives u a lot of luxurious items. “think of it as a bonus from me.” NOW YOU JUST HAVE A COLLECTION OF NICE SHOES/BAGS/JEWELRY AND HE LOVES IT WHEN YOU WEAR THEM TO WORK IT MAKES HIM SO HAPPY UGHHHHH

BRUH just a sugar daddy at this point “you have to look presentable for the next focus group so here’s a nice rolex watch” “sir, i don’t need-” “ah ah ah - it’s my treat.”

it’s pointless to refuse him but he still teases u for it like what???? “if i didn’t know any better, secretary, i’d say you’re just doing it for my money and not my fabulous looks and personality.” “exactly.” “hey!”

yall go for drinking parties a lot. whether with the whole branch or just the two of u

KARAOKE W KUROO AFTER A LONG DAY OF WORK <333 becomes a ritual between the two of u

he’s so silly when he’s drunk lmfaoooo goofy ass mf

but that’s only when it’s the two of u. he controls his alcohol around others and his uncool side is only for u <3

also ur the only one he trusts to take him back to his place and handle him

it’s the other way around too - when u drink a lot he looks after you <333

you have a higher tolerance than him and sometimes u have competitions between the two of u on who can drink more but then yall always end up shitfaced

HES the one who has a crush on you

you know the drill - gaslight gatekeep girlboss

he’ll do anything for u but wouldn’t ever admit it he simp

offers u the keys to his estate and offers for you to LIVE with him

bruh just marry me already ok WAIT WE’RE NOT EVEN DATING YOU NEED TO WORK ON THAT SIR-

he’s so awkward tryna confess to u,,,he may be this big hotshot ceo but he’s acting like a schoolgirl in love

probably prints u a confession when he asks u to go to the fax machine lmfao what a nerd

in other words ceo!kuroo is a nerd and you need to top him immediately get that bank

dog hybrid!bokuto

we are: owner

Husky-malamute breed!!! BEEG DOGGIE VERY HAPPY N DROOLY <333

OVERLY HYPER. JUMPS ON ANYONE AND U AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT

he’s well trained i swear but the moment he sees something of interest then i’m sorry you just lost him

please if a robber came in he wouldn’t even attack them he’d just tackle them w hugs

he loves loves loves snuggles <333 u busy? nope!!! hug time!!! cooking something?? oo lemme see!!! whoops look at all those tomatos on the ground. u got a deadline coming up and u really need to focus?? CUDDLE TIIIIIIME- w-wait - huh?? why are u shoving me off?? do you - do you not - huh?!?! WHY ARE YOU LOCKING ME OUT OF THE ROOM?? NO!!!! I LOVE YOU!!! IDK WHAT EXAMS ARE BUT I WANT CUDDLES!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME????!!!

the WORST things u could ever do to him is leave him and call him a bad boy

HE CRIES ON THE SPOT </3 HOW COULD YOU </3

soso bummed when u go out of the house without him </333 waits by the door patiently waiting for u to come back </333 sob sob

the moment he hears the door unlock he LEAPS and his tail is wagging like CRAZY

he is SO STRONG. almost always knocks u over whenever he jumps on u

destroys EVERY toy u bring him. u leave him for 5 seconds and there’s stuffing all over the floor and whatever u brought him is nonexistent

tugs on the leash when u walk so much that it SNAPS

loves romping w the other dogs in the dog park but he needs to tone down on his friendliness he almost killed a lil orange chihuahua

gets distracted by EVERYTHING. ooh, squirrel! oo, butterfly! OOO HUMAN CHILD!! MUST EAT!!!

ok while he might be friendly, he still gets super super jealous. you both were outside and u were petting the neighborhood black cat and bruh almost swallowed his head

which u thought was weird bc the two are normally friends and are pretty nice around each other

so now he’s more feisty around him and any other cat that’d get ur attention

If it was a person, then that’s another thing. He’d be very friendly at first but then slowly realize that ur attention is more directed on them than him. then he’d go ballistic

but when u scold him for practically assaulting the poor dude and call him a bad boy,,,he’s lost it

u have to lock him in the other room and he’s crying and whimpering, scratching at the door. all he wanted to do was protect u from that bad bad man who took away his owner’s attention !!!

def snarls at the dude next time he comes into ur house/apartment...dude never came back

“GRRR” “AAAA GET UR FRIGGIN DOG B-” “he don bite” YES IT DO GET UR-”

doggie bokuto rlly tries to be slick...it doesn’t work. like he tries to do that thing when he’s a total demon towards the guy but then act like an angel around u but it doesnt work bc he’s not smooth

doggie intelligence: 2 IQ. one time u got him a puzzle box and hid a treat in it but bruh couldnt figure it out just straight up monched the entire puzzle simply bc he smelled his fav bbq treat in it

speaking of intelligence - he only knows how to say a few words like ur name and incomplete sentences. speaks in barks and whines and sometimes a word

SO BIG THAT HE GRABS FOOD FROM THE TABLE WHEN YOU’RE NOT LOOKING

u had some delicious beef steak? oh dear, where did it go? there’s ur puppy kou with steak sauce all over his lips

big fan of hiking trips, sports, literally anything that involves going out

he LOVES getting dirty outside playing. boi cant control himself from rolling around in the mud

hates baths at first but then he likes how u spray the water on him and giggles awww he likes bath time now

we all know he’s not the brightest pup of the pack but,,,he’s somehow psychic. he knows when ur taking him to the vet

HE THROWS A BIG FUSS ALL THE TIME - sometimes he tries to hide but his huge tail under the couch gives it away

and he knows when ur thinking of taking him on a walk. he also begs u to take him outside by settling his head in ur lap and pouting until u give him what he wants

he likes the big ol doggie sweaters/pjs u buy him...but he always ruins them. no matter how much u buy him, they’re all ruined. he complains how scratchy it is and it feels weird on him

knows LOTS of tricks but if u teach him more than what he already knows he will forget one of them he’s like a damn pokemon

he feels ur emotions :((( if ur mood is down his tail droops :(( and he gives u cuddles and tries to make u feel better

he even likes to make a fool out of himself and be silly if it makes u laugh :((( he’s so precious

in other words i love doggy bokuto

pirate!ushijima

we are: kidnapped

ah yes we’re are captives of the most fearsome pirates of the seas: shiratorizawa

just so you know, tendou was the instigator. he was all “let’s kidnap a noble’s kid and get the ransom money!” (whether you actually are a noble or not is up to you)

thing is, nobody’s willing to pay (if you aren’t a noble) or the pirates really pissed off the folks in charge and are now doing a manhunt

so yeah you aren’t going back anytime soon

but he’s a pretty good sport about it - very hospitable

he notices the little things u like and gets them for u <333 sighs <333

he saw you reading that book? wow look at that, there’s suddenly a stack of them and the same genre he saw you reading

but you definitely shouldn’t test him. he’s SUPER scary when it comes down to it

you saw how ruthless he was with the rogues that had dared to challenge him on sea

mf made them walk the plank

you help on the ship bc u wanna be useful and also shirabu keeps being mean

he asks u to teach the crew how to read cuz theyre dumb as shit and only know water and treasure

speaking of treasure - when he leaves u on the ship to explore a cave, he gets u really pretty jewelry <33 anything u ask for

“oh, welcome back captain. how was your mission?” “i brought back a few trinkets i thought you might like.” *reveals whole chest of priceless gems* “are they to your liking? if not, we can set sail for something else that might interest you.” “I-”

bruh got a pet eagle - u ask the crew and they dont even know how tf it happened

hell, even he doesn’t know how it happened wtf. “oh. one day it flew down to me and i fed it. that’s all.” wtf

equivalent to diluc’s bird - he didn’t even give it a name so he gives u the honors

U name him rigatoni (you got a great naming sense btw)

oh my god oh my god oh my god HE TRIES TO PROTECT U WHEN PPL WERE TRYNA INVADE THE SHIP

it was the first thing he did no cap - burst into ur room and scoops u up <33333

“what the-” “we need to get you to safety. we are under attack.” and holds u close to his chest AAAHSIDHFPSDHFN OH MY LORD YES

HAS THE TEAM GIVE U SELF DEFENSE LESSONS AFTER THAT

tendou tries to give u a sword but ushi says no “she could hurt herself.”

“but ushiwaka! we can teach her not to hurt herself” “...it’s my orders.” “c’mon, be more honest, ushiwaka! what’s the real reason?”

he goes quiet then looks at u “...i’ll always be there to help. she’ll have me.” AOISHSDHFSNDF

HELPPPPP SIOJFDSKFJP HES SO CHARMING AND HE DOESNT EVEN TRY

but the rest of the crew are like “then what’s the point”

but tendou sneaks u a dagger just to be safe

sorry ur apart of the crew now - but they’re like a family even if they did kidnap u

oh whatever your life before wasn’t as cool as this (no offense)

they are given orders to protect u at all costs

speaking of which - ushi isn’t all that great w guns

almost blew his own head off tryna figure out how it works before reon snatched it from him

he brings you with him to towns and cities and he likes taking u to the markets to get you stuff

ushijima tell me your love language is gift-giving without telling me your love language is gift-giving-

he finds out you’re pretty good at bargaining and brings you onshore a lot more

is mesmerized at how you absolutely BERATE the merchant who was tryna rip you off like sis where is this violence coming from??? he loves it??

he also likes to stop by some pretty islands and imagines just settling down in such a nice place w you <333 SIGHS <333 VERY <333 LOUDLY <333

no matter how much he likes you...he will NOT let you drive the boat under any circumstances </3 its his livelihood c’mon man

whenever you have to stay on the ship while he’s away he sends rigatoni to give messages and the two of u talk thru messages

speaking of which rigatoni is fierce and can definitely sink his talons and his sharp beak into any bastard that dares get near you while the captain is away

wakatoshi “swimming is for pussies” ushijima - he’s water resistant

bruh so powerful he walks on water

second coming of christ who

IM JUST KIDDING he does swim but we hardly ever see it

legends say (tendou says) he looks rlly awkward doing it and only knows how to doggie paddle

speaking of our homeboy tendou - he loooves spooking the team (and especially you) with scary stories . don’t worry tho - this is all a ploy to get the beeg pirate husband to comfort u at night ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) he is ur wingman u can count on him. but his suggestions are ridiculous

“Jump off the deck and see if he’ll catch you!” um excuse me- THOU SHALT NOT PUT BIG HUSBAND TO THE TEST

he’s got good intentions...i think…

but everyone literally knows he would dive after you

in other words pirate!ushijima is a softie at heart but goddamn he probably secretly has a pet shark so dont test him or u goin overboard

mafia leader!kita

we are: associate from different group/family

kita highly respects u and yall have been acquainted since u were young with the alliance of ur families

so in a way ur childhood friends but yall do have lil bit of friendly rivalry a bit

arranged marriage whuuuutttt...yeah thats what happened but u love him <3

nobody else knows about ur arranged marriage but you two

POLITE GENTLEMAN <333 !!! HNNNNNNNN his granny raised him right even tho he’s a mafia leader

RICH BOY RICH BOY RICH BOY- ALWAYS DRESSES DASHINGLY AND SMELLS GREAT MMMMMM

he owns the majority of the underground casinos

and has lots of connections with others. countless, might i add.

you on the other hand specialize as an arms dealer so he cherishes your services the most

prob has the traditional tattoos allllll over his back and shoulders w like a dragon or sm and def a fox or kitsune

when u two were little he asked ur favorite flower and GOT THAT TATTOOED ON HIS BACK <3 probably secretly has your initials hidden in there somewhere

u both have a silent understanding of each other and he talks to u more than he does anyone

before he used to smoke but once he figured out that you didn’t like the smell of cigarettes he quit just like that

his underlings, the miya twins are so confused on how kita switches from totally brutal and ruthless to so soft around u

they can’t tease him for it, though, cuz he’d pulverize them

but they want to know more about u,,,you mysterious enigma,,,but kita would kill them if they dared asked about you

so they go to inarizaki’s most secretive informant/cyber mercenary, suna rintarou

and suna knows all about you. he saw you one time and he was curious about who you were and is now rlly scared of you because he dug too deep and you’ve got LOTS of history

he doesn’t dare tell the twins what he found no matter how much they bug him

until they bribe him at just the right price

and when aran finds out and tells kita?? ohhh boy it’s lights out for all three of them

oh my god ,,, would kill for u he loves u so much

one time you were kidnapped and held hostage

bro saw red

MAFIA ANNIHILATION SPEEDRUN ANY % NO GLITCH

he got world record time

wiped out the entire conglomerate behind it - nothing and nobody left behind after that

and of course, made sure you were safe.

yandere? ofc not...i mean...just look at him...so innocent...he would never...sharpening that knife...with splattered blood all over him...

is now joined at the hip with u,,,no matter how much you tell him you’ll be fine now and that you have tons of reliable bodyguards he won’t let it go

“don’t you have to go back to your place?” “this is my duty as both a fellow associate and your future husband.” aww,,,ur so sweet...but BRUH PLEASE GO HOME ARAN IS DOING EVERYTHING OVER THERE

makes sure to build a headquarters DIRECTLY NEXT TO YOURS so that its faster

and it’s not long until he just signs a deal to merge ur factions together (since yall getting married anyways)

and oh my god...ur underground wedding is SO SO PRETTY

absolutely DOESN’T care if he’s smuggling jewels from different countries - he’s having your ring CUSTOM MADE and the way you want it. “the diamond is too small? sure thing, darling, i’ll have it 7 times that size.”

makes sure everything is perfect in ur wedding <333 its very extravagant and even though its not really his style he’ll do anything for you

he absolutely WOULD take your last name if you wanted. FIGHT ME ON THIS

takes you to his private island for ur honeymoon so that the two of you don’t have to worry about work

meanwhile aran is scrambling around the place trying to cover for the both of you

he’s a VERY romantic husband - NEVER takes off his ring even for security. he says its practically a part of him just like you are <3

the ring has a built in tracker connected to an app. possessive? noooo...

in other words this escalated pretty quickly but i aint complaining if it gets me married to kita

--

--EXTRA EXTRA!! other characters’ roles!!--

officer!daichi:

karasuno squadron consists of:

cops: daichi (duh), asahi (mostly patrol, he hates confrontation), tanaka & noya (mostly accompanied by ennoshita), hinata & kageyama

investigators/detectives: sugawara, ennoshita, yamaguchi, tsukishima, kiyoko, yachi

surveillance: narita, kinoshita, tsukishima too

househusband!oikawa:

makki and mattsun are also househusbands

iwaizumi is a malewife fhasodjkasdhf-

ceo!kuroo:

lev is the newbie that walked in on u two-

janet still a bitch

kenma is his fellow ceo buddy. he also owns a multimillion dollar company and kuroo’s and his have a sort-of contract so you see him a lot in meetings

yaku is like one of the top performing managers so whenever yall have branch meetings he’s there

dog hybrid!bokuto:

kuroo is the black neighborhood cat bokuto almost murdered cough cough i did that on purpose yes i did

kenma is also another neighborhood cat. you don’t see him around that often but now that bokuto got jealous he stays far away.

hinata is the orange chihuahua i briefly mentioned

i couldn’t decide whether akaashi would stay human and be his previous owner or also be a cat/dog/owl. so lets say he’s ur human friend that is your bestie and comes over a lot. bokuto likes him, though. still gets jealous a bit.

pirate!ushijima:

tendou is practically is right hand man

the rest of the team have something to give idk how to explain pirate team members okay-

BUT BUT BUT- they do have sea rivals which are the seijoh pirates. you ran into them one day and oikawa thought you were kidnapped (you were, but you liked it there) so he tried to do you justice and failed miserably. ushijima ragdolled him into the ocean when he flirted w you.

mafia!kita:

the twins are something akin to mercenaries basically. or just plain lackeys.

suna is an informant/cyber mercenary. he gathers information about ppl which is how he knew about you. and he’s a hacker lol.

aran is his second-in-command, omimi + ginjima are his bodyguards

a/n: im going to regret posting this

[surrealsunday]

Hi Kinnporsche-anon again ! Yeah yeah, already XD

So i just finished episode 11 and, again, so much things to say!

Well first things first, the whole Tawan thing... Is it an unpopular opinion to say that was the moment I fell in love with Vegas? Like, sure, he betrayed Porsche and almost got him killed. But watching him masterfully fucking over Tawan, the same way Tawan did to Kinn at that, was the most satisfying, delightful thing ever, real poetic cinema, I was giggling the whole time especially during the Vegas-Tawan flashback. And so I decided from them on that Vegas was completely redeemed in my eyes no matter what he does next, this legend deserves it. (I would have loved seeing more of Kinn and Porsche talking to and about Tawan to have closure, tho, maybe even them killing him together?)...And Vegas' relationship with Pete? I knew they were going to be a thing and I was very confused at how the hell it would happen bc I really couldn't see Vegas softening up for a cute innocent boy like Kinn and Kim did, since he is a sadistic sociopath, but turns out Pete is masochist sociopath so they were actually made for eachother lol. Their relationship is so fucked up and I love it.

A little word about Big too. I was not prepared for his ending, that was so tragically sad and a good way to parallel his love for Kinn and how selfless it was actually was, compared to the love Tawan and Vegas pretened to have for their targets. Sacrificing himself simply because he could not bear to see Kinn heartbroken again? Wow.(altho it was a bit weird like how the hell did no one wear bulletproof jackets???) He deserved to be talked about more afterwards, I felt like he was forgotten pretty quickly (especially by Kinn who did seem affected at first) :(

Porschay's first reaction, instead of being "WTF YOU'RE WORKING FOR THE MAFIA AND DATING THE BOSS WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED????", actually being "I am scared of losing you :(" completely melted my heart, what a pure soul. So I love Kim but he will pay for hurting my son like that! (I hope Porsche is gonna put on his Big Brother Pants and beat his ass).

I also have some thoughts about the situation they're in now, as in Porsche becoming Kinn's Official Boyfriend. As much as I was relieved by the father's reaction and found the scene so cute (with the bodyguards rooting for them aaawww, and again with the Porsche-mafia-lord agenda, he quickly earns people's loyalty and affection!), I don't think this arrangement can last in the long term? Porsche did seem uncomfortable at first, and I highly doubt our fiery, free-spirited Porsche would be happy to settle as a Trophy Boyfriend with even less controle over situations he had as a bodyguard, and completely dependant on someone else (especially with his little brother in the balance, like what happens to them if he ever wants to break up???). I don't think he says anything right now bc he loves Kinn so much and, like he told Porchay, he does not want to leave people behind, but he probably won't be able to keep up long. And with the revelation that this same family played a part in his parents' death? Yeah, something is gonna clasch for sure (and I'm here for some good angst!). And Tankhum is shown as being increasingly an active part of the Family, and way more perceptive and responsible that other people give him credit for, but also as being a caring brother (the way he was so happy for Kinn and instantly adopted Porschay and made him feel welcome aawww). It makes me wonder if he's not gonna take on the leadership role again so that Kinn can leave the Family behind and run off in the sunset with Porsche, open up a bar on the beach and all that. On one hand, I would be happy with that ending and I do think it would be a good evolution for both Kinn and Porsche and their relationhsip, but on the other hand...I really really want to see Porsche thrive into the mafia world!!! After everything, he deserves to have more controle in the game!! And the potential of Kinnporsche Iconic Mafia Power Couple? Unmatchable!!! So yeah I'm conflicted lol.

Also I forgot to say it before but thank you so much for the link of the clip between episode 6 et 7 I had no idea there was one!

Ok I FULLY know what you mean about being on board with Vegas during the Tawan storyline. Like he is deliciously manipulative and evil in that storyline and I was down for it too. Tbh I was intrigued by Vegas from ep 7 on (prior to ep 7 I was very eh about him). But he has a magnetism to him that feels dangerous at all times and I really like that. And of course seeing that bastard Tawan being manipulated in the same way he manipulated Kinn was just *chefs kiss*. Honestly that moment when Vegas kisses his forehead (I think?) I screeched at my screen, 'omg he's going to kill him' and then... well, it was his intent anyways. It was brutal and I dug it.

I agree everything with Kinn and Porsche when it came to Tawan was lacking. Again I think that was because a number of storylines were being jammed in and it made the pace something that didn't allow for the same space and time to breathe as the season up to that point had. So that was definitely not as satisfying to me as it could have been.

Soooooo many people were so mad that Big was basically forgotten. It was another sacrafice of the rushed pace at this point in the season imo. I'm glad they at the very least made it clear Kinn was affected by Big's death, because yeah, that was tragic af and I really loved that they had him go out that way. It honestly made Big a lot more interesting and have a lot more depth (than being the jealous bully he was in the beginning of the season) and I really appreciated that. Also the bulletproof vests comment akdjfasldkfjasf. I KNOW. Just... look away from logic fallacies in the show when it comes to that lolol. It was made worse by the fact that Tawan WAS wearing a bulletproof vest lmao. The worst.

Oh god that scene with Porchay and Porsche is so lovely. I truly love their relationship and Porchay really is the sweetest, purest soul. Kim definitely needs to get smacked around for hurting that bub. But he knows it too. I can't wait to hear your thoughts on BAMF Kim btw as the season wraps up because HE MADE MY LIFE.

Ok your thoughts about Porsche being a 'boyfriend' only are so on point and that is exactly how I felt too. Like yes, it was super sweet to see him actually get to be out in the open with his relationship with Kinn and for them to be official, but in no way did I ever see Porsche being satisfied with the role of boyfriend only. I think you will be satisfied with where things go because your comments are soooooo true to Porsche's character and where they were headed with the narrative. So kudos to you for that. I'm not gonna say too much more because I'm not sure how quickly you'll finish the season but just... you seriously have things so correctly laid out lol.

Omg I'm so glad you got to see that hospital clip in that case. I'm happy to share! It's such a soft, sweet, and necessary clip and I'm so glad they gave it to us when it wouldn't have fit into the ep. I honestly wish they had given a lot more of those side story clips. I think they could have made up for what was missed in the rushed pace at the end of the season if they had. But I also don't know what that would have meant for budget so... shrug I guess.

Anyways, come back and tell me thoughts when you finish the season. I can't wait to hear!!!

[lepusrufus]

Heya! Now I’m really curious about Alcina’s reaction to her daughters’ mutations. Especially Daniela’s since, according to what you wrote, she’s the most unstable of the three.

I’m sure part of her was relieved because oh, I’m not the only one who can mutate into something dangerous given certain conditions, that’s good but another went mom-mode when it first happened even though she didn’t know what to do.

Questions, questions... 👀🌻

Well the one good thing is that it didn't really come as much of a surprise. Their mutation started to get out of control pretty soon after they were reborn since they still had little control over their new bodies and they basically went through a fk ton of trauma both physical and mental so that's a recipe for disaster in the form of them getting very easily distressed not to mention the hunger would be something very new and very scary and most importantly very painful.

In my hc I like to imagine mother Miranda as caring in her own way (strict af but not flat out heartless) so Alcina had her support in trying to get her new daughters under control.

It was bad tho.

Bela was arguably the easiest of them since the worst effect for her was just straight up agonizing pain. So she would just curl up and shake while her body would break into flies or twist between her human and mutated form. When it happened Alcina could basically hear the alternating of sobs and the inhuman growling.

Cassandra would just lunge at anything and anyone because she just felt so damn hungry and hurt like a cornered wounded animal would. Until she inevitably exhausted herself and passed out to let her body shift back in place.

Daniela was straight up a wild card each time things got bad. Some times she would act similar to her sisters, other times she would bolt frantically through the castle which caused some casualties both in staff and furniture. She was also the only one who would apparently turn completely into a swarm unlike her sisters that still retained a physical form at least partially. Alcina had to acquire a (big) cage made out of bulletproof glass just so she could put Daniela somewhere she wouldn't injure herself.

It got so bad that at one point Miranda sat Alcina down and suggest that she puts them down painlessly. That was the one and only time Alcina completely lost her cool around her and cussed her out because these were her daughters and she was going to help them dammit. Miranda was actually impressed and continued to help out because she understood Alcina's fears for her children.

And you know practice makes perfect. With time it got better and the mutation stabilized itself to the point where our girls are the way we know them today. The hunger lessened with time and it's not really a problem anymore (at least not a problem that would cause the mutation) and nowadays it mostly makes them cranky (especially Cassandra lol) and sluggish.

Okay ramble over. I'll really have to put together my headcanon for their biology bc I think y'all would enjoy it (or at least I'd enjoy being a nerd and annoying y'all lmao)

[obaby-obeyme]

LET’S GET IT

❗LESSON 56 SPOILERS❗

STRAP IN EVERYONE! IT’S THE MOMENT A LOT OF US HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR.

Previously in chapter 55: Diavolo disappears and you and Belphie go look for him.

_

Belphie tells you a little bit about Raphael

HmmMmmm, demon in disguise eh??

You recieve a note to meet in the circus tent. Someone has taken Diavolo hostage and is demanding money.

All this is happening and the two demons literally do not give a shit 😂

Belphie to bad guy:

Ohhh yes it’s been a while since we’ve seen this side of the boys

Anyways, the bad guy (kidnapper?) fires the gun at Belphie but you chant a spell to protect him. He states that a bullet wouldn’t hurt him and thanks you anyways.(So we now know demons are bulletproof apparently)

YES GET HIM DADDY! (Bad guy takes off and Lord Diavolo was really gonna get the Royal Army to catch him)

After that fiasco, you 3 watch and enjoy the circus together and this part was really cute.

He’s so lonely 😭😭😭😭😭😭

SKIPPING A FEW IN BETWEEN BANTERS AND WHOLESOME SCENES TO GET TO THE GOOD PART OF THIS LESSON

WE FINALLY GET SOME DIAVOLO BACKGROUND! YESSS YES YESSS!

BABY DIAVOLO CONFIRMED

Omg this makes me so sad 😭😭

Note: Remember, Barbatos was never a child. Can you imagine and smol little Diavolo asking Barbatos a bunch of questions and just being really curious about everything (much like how he is currently).

😂😂😂 Now we know why Barb stayed. (I’m sure there is a deeper reason to why Barb stayed) (I still want to know about Barb’s past before he met Diavolo tho)

He also asks you random questions like, what your favorite food is...and something else I forgot (lol) BUT THE SMALL THINGS

Of course anything for you bby

*gasp* Is he finally gonna get to say it? (He’s always been interrupted before)

*INCOHERENT SCREECHING*

AHHHHHHH YA’LL HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD I HAD TO CONTROL MYSELF MY HOUSEHOLD IS SLEEPING.

PLS-

AHHHHHHHH

*DIES*

End lesson

_

Thoughts:

Okay for some reason, personally, I always felt sorta sympathetic when it comes to Diavolo. Maybe it’s because he always seem so lonely? Idk but this lesson made me very happy for him. He was finally able to confess his love for MC. BUT what now? In one of the previous lessons, when Diavolo was close to confessing to MC (and Lucifer was kinda eavesdropping), Lucifer didn’t seem too happy about it. I wonder why? Also, Barbatos is such a wing man. I didn’t SS it but he purposely left Dia and MC alone so they can have their moment. Side thought on Barb: I wonder if in the future further lessons, Barb will fall in love with MC too because he’s so committed to Diavolo, it seems like he wouldn’t betray him. We did get a look at MC/Barb relationship but it hasn’t developed romantically (imo) yet since we really don’t get a lot of interaction with Barb (in main story). But we’ll save that for later. Also, Belphie and Diavolo finally come to a mutual understanding, let’s hope we don’t have anymore of that mess in the future.

4 more lessons to go! Im pretty sure the rest of the lessons will wrap up with MC getting their sorcerer’s license ofc. And we still have to find out who Simeon went to meet secretly (pretty sure it’s Michael or Raphael).

In conclusion, MC has 7 powerful demons, an Angel, A Human Wizard, and now a Demon prince wrapped around their finger. (WE’RE COMING FOR YOU SOON BUTLER).

[harknesswife]

It was you all along (Agatha Harkness x Female Reader)

Summary: This is a sweet self-insert love story between Agatha and a Westview citizen. Everything that happens follows the original events of “Wandavision” and MCU, like a parallel.

Chapter: 10/10

Word count: 1.663K

The bus stopped in front of the “Welcome to Westview” sign. We all got off as FBI and SWORD agents kept blabbering about going back to our real lives. I let my mind wander for a while.

It had been a week since I ran off the hex, leaving Agatha behind. They got all of us into this facility that, to me, it kinda looked like a prison. “We just need to be sure that the city is safe to come back to”, they said. My room had no windows, but I knew that this wouldn’t stop her. I’d sleep every night hoping that she’d just burst her way in and take me out of there. She told me to wait, and I did.

Agent James clapped his hands and brought me back from my daydream.

"Ok, welcome back, everyone. Everything is perfectly fine. Westview is secure, Wanda is gone. And that’s all you need to know."

Some people clapped. They wouldn’t tell us anything about what happened after we got out, and that was driving me insane.

We stepped inside Westview as if we’re entering a pool, slowly and carefully. The city was way different from the colorful lie we were living. Everything was pretty gray and dark. I passed by my place, the door was still open just how I'd left it. But I didn’t want to get in, not yet. I wanted to preserve a little more of that memory of how it used to be. Lots of families were getting inside their own houses, I could see people packing stuff. I kept walking, getting my eyes used to this new reality when I saw it.

Her house. What used to be her house, the place where she took me on that Halloween night. Everything was destroyed. I crossed my arms on my chest, trying my best not to cry. Sword did it, I was sure, to make Westview “safe again”. I peeked around, trying to find any clue when I glanced at her bicycle just tossed aside. I ran for it and when I was about to lift it…

"Oh, hey!"

It was Fietro. I took several steps back.

"You can have it", he said, lifting it and handing it to me. "I don’t mind".

I kept staring at him, trying to read his eyes. He smiled at me.

"I’m sorry. Do we know each other? My head is still kinda messy from all the, you know…"

"No need to be sorry", I said, relieved that he didn't remember me. Especially naked me. "Nice to meet you. Are you leaving?"

I pointed at the two big bags behind him.

"Definitely. I’m not taking my chances with her again."

"Wanda? I thought she was gone", I asked, slightly more interested.

He sighed.

"I shouldn’t be talking about this. I’m sorry", he tried to leave, but I held him.

"Do you know what happened? After we all left?", I was holding his arm with only one hand. He wasn’t trying to get away, but I refused to let go.

"I was here", he whispered. "But I can’t talk about it. They made me promise."

"Please!", I asked. "I’m so confused right now. I need closure. I think knowing would help me to just… move on.

I meant it and he knew that. He above all people knew how it was to be unable to control his own mind. So he told me all about the two identical men flying and fighting against each other. He told me about that brave woman that just threw herself in front of Wanda’s kids to protect them, even when she didn’t know that her body was bulletproof. How the sword army was defeated by these same two young boys. And, finally, how both witches kept throwing blasts at each other, a huge battle in a red sky.

"And then..." he said, pointing at the exact place where it happened. "They got back. But Wanda was… different. She looked like a witch, cape, and everything. And the other one - I could see some anger in his voice - was just on the floor, defeated."

I took a deep breath.

"Wanda left after a while. The agents found me and it was their idea to destroy the place. I used to live here, you know. That’s why Agatha picked me".

It was really weird listening to someone else saying her name.

"But if Wanda’s gone… What did you say about taking chances?"

"Well. I heard something that I never told the agents...", he was whispering again. "Wanda changed Agatha’s witch clothes into casual ones. She told her that she knew where to find her. I think Wanda did to her what she did to all of us, trapping her inside her mind. And that makes me think that..."

"She’s still here."

It wasn’t a question. She was there, in Westview. That’s why she didn’t come for me. Now it was my time to find her. I smiled at him, hopping on the bike.

"Thank you, Fietro!!"

"Wait, what did you just call me?"

But I was already pedaling away at full speed. Looking right and left, trying to figure out where Wanda would place Agatha. Plain sight, so no one would suspect? Or maybe a little bit away from the neighborhood, just to be safe? I felt a few drops of rain falling into my head, wet hair getting into my eyes. There were a few cars on the street and It was hard to keep track of all of them. The orange light of a headlight blinded me for just a second, and it was all it took for me to fall. I tried to get up, feeling dizzy.

!Hun! Are you okay?"

I wasn’t ready. But she was right there, in the rain, kneeling in front of me. I had no idea how.

"Agatha", I said, staring at her. Somehow, I thought she would simply look at me and remember everything.

"It’s Agnes! A common mistake, tho", she smiled, her hair also getting wet. "Oh, let’s get inside! Let me help you with that", she said while grabbing the bicycle. I got up slowly.

If I had looked back, I’d see how she stopped, confused for just a split second, after touching the handlebar.

The inside of her house was cozy and colorful, like a piece of the “fake Westview”. It felt like home.

"I’m gonna get you something warm. Just a sec, honey."

She left me in the living room, my heart beating like crazy. “Calm down”, I said to myself. I looked around, trying to find anything that would help me bring her back. There was a shelf with some books, but none of them were glowing. Mundane. I got closer to read some of the titles when something else got my attention.

A few drawings were on the table right next to the shelf, some of them unfinished. A faceless girl with wings. The back of two women with bubbles floating around them. Pieces of our memories. They were still there, in some corner of her mind.

"Here you go", she said, handing me a cup of tea. Our fingers touched for a second, and she kept staring at me as her smile faded away.

She let go of the cup and touched my face, just like she used to do. I closed my eyes, waiting for her next reaction. Something was happening and I knew it.

"Go. Now."

It was her voice. But it didn’t sound like her.

The rain was still pouring outside. She kept telling me to leave, her eyes locked on me, like a trance. I refused. One of her hands was now glowing with a red fog.

Wanda.

"Agatha, please. Please. You need to remember. Please!", I kept saying it while she slowly lifted her hand.

I had no idea how, but Wanda was controlling her. Talking wouldn’t help. I took a step in her direction, then another one. She lifted the other hand, a threat that I ignored. Agatha did some sort of magical movement and everything flew into the walls. Everything but me. She wasn’t expecting that. I took another step, getting closer.

"You protected me long enough", I said, hoping that, somehow, Agatha would listen. "But I need you to come back."

I grabbed one of her wrists, trying to ignore the massive red energy that she was holding on her other hand. I could feel the warmth and the light getting closer to my face, I knew that it was my last try. I took off the ring that she gave me and placed it on her finger, screaming by how much strength it took me to do it. We both fell on the ground immediately.

I crawled over to her. She was trying to get up.

"Agatha?", I said with my voice breaking.

She looked up.

Agatha held me tight, touching my face to make sure that I was okay. I couldn’t stop the silent tears from falling. She kissed me several times, on my lips, my forehead, and my cheeks.

"I’ve missed you..." she whispered, fixing a lock of hair behind my ear. "We gotta get out of here. Wanda knows about you."

"I had to", I said, holding her hand.

"I know", she nodded, taking off the ring. The stone was black now. "You won’t need this anymore. I’ll be your shield."

We both got up, ready to leave, when the same orange headlight blinded me again, right inside of her living room. Only it wasn’t a headlight, as I realized too late. Agatha put me behind her, staring at that weird thing.

It was like a mirror, but instead of our reflection, we saw a man. He was wearing a cape and a necklace with a glowing green stone.

"My name is Doctor Strange", he said, in a calm voice. "And I need you to come with me."

[sopebubbles]

▶ Rules - post the top 5 works you're most proud of that you released this year (not necessarily most popular), your top 4 current WIPs that you're excited to release in the new year, your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year, your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year, and your number 1 favourite line you've written this year

▶ Tagged by: @btsrunmylife thank you <333

▶Tagging (not sure who’s done this, so feel free to ignore): @yonkimint @burningupp anyone else who would like to do this 💜

5 works I'm proud of (I only have five but here we go)

1. The Sea Without You- this au feels like my first born child. I'm always happy when I see people are reading it. I'm happy when people like anything I write but there's something about this au that just hits me differently. I'm very proud of it.

2. 21st century girl- with this one I felt like I really knew what I was doing most of the time. I loved the fact that so many people really connected with Yn. I think she's the Yn I'm most like, or that I want to be most like. I hope people will keep finding themselves in her.

3. Bulletproof Heart- this was a real rollercoaster of a fic and also in my real life. I found a great relationship bc of this au. I almost quit this blog and writing altogether bc of this au. I learned to write bc I love it and not for the notes bc of this au. It went on much longer and in a very different direction than I intended when I started, but I truly enjoyed the angst.

4. The Pact- I really think the pact is so different from my other work. It's so fluffy and cute. There are moments of angst but for the most part it's just sweet and I don't really know if it's my style. Idk if I'm really proud of it bc I know I rushed the ending but I guess I'm glad I got it done instead of just quitting it when I was ready to move on. Jin is still the only man ever tho.

5. Resolutions - this really shouldn't be on the list but I only have five works so... anyway I actually wrote it on NYE in 2020 and just adapted it for BTS this year so someone would read it 👀 It may be my favorite piece of prose I've ever written tho, and it remains my only one shot.

Top 4 Current Wips

I won't say to much about my works in progress because 1. I can only really work on one thing at a time or I'll never actually finish anything and 2. I don't want to feel locked into doing something bc I talked about it here. My current 1 work in progress is a $%^&* pregnancy au. It's an angsty little beast and a lot of it is written. I hope you'll enjoy it.

Top 3 biggest improvements

1. I think trusting in my own narrative decision making has been a big area of growth for me this year. I used to worry a lot about if people would like the choices I made for characters, if it was too much angst or too much smut. Recently I've learned that it's more important for me to write the kind of story I want to tell and people will like it or not but mostly they take it as it is and if they have a reaction, good or bad, that makes me happy. Maybe it's a bit perverse but I love pulling an emotional reaction from my readers. I love making you laugh and cry in the same chapter and when I hear you've done that I feel very good about my work.

2. I've been working on writing for my own pleasure rather than for the notes. They still mean a lot to me, but if they don't get that high it doesn't bother me so much.

3. I'm pretty proud of how much my blog has grown. From starting in late may to the end of the year gaining over 600 followers has felt amazing.

Top 2 resolutions

1. Let's call them goals? I want to keep myself sane and keep writing in a way that feels good and enjoyable to me. I don't want to pressure myself too much to write bc people expect something from me.

2. That being said I would like to have an au for each member by the end of the year and then see where else we can go.

Number 1 favourite line I've written

"Because you're funny and cute and crazy in a way that I think is just wonderful" -Jin, The Pact (idk why that's my fave but it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside)

[sneakykpopblog]

When I was trying to catch up on a lot of BTS songs at once, I took really quick notes to keep them from all blending together, and these are my best ones

We Are Bulletproof Pt. 2 (ot7) kinda awesome, Jungkook raps!

Coffee (ot7) I dunno, Jungkook, am I a caramel macchiato?

Attack On Bangtan (ot7) kinda weird but yes that chorus! Pls don’t talk about swallowing people tho, I have a strange mind. Edit: I’m not sure that was the actual correct translation, but it was the one I saw at the time.

BTS Cypher Pt. 2: Triptych (rapline) Hooooooly crap get it get get it get it aaaaaaaaaaa go crazy

Danger (ot7) red flags red flags red flags. But oh boy the chorus is fire.

Hold Me Tight (ot7) oh my gosh they just want a hug! Lovely song

Boyz With Fun (ot7) kinda lit

Converse High (ot7) they’re all really into converse high tops, except Yoongi. Is this an ad?

Butterfly (ot7) oh gosh oh gosh so pretty and Hoseok sings like two lines, he has a nice voice. It’s a really comfortable, normal-sounding voice. Is warm.

Whalien 52 (ot7) loneliness, exemplified by a whale

21st Century Girls (ot7) You’re Good the way you are, don’t let anybody judge you, also Hobi called me his lady? Oh dear I would love if he could like put his arm around me in a mildly protective manner, how safe would that feel? Nobody can touch you with Hobi around

Dimple (vocal line) your dimples are so cute it’s illegal, hoped the song would be about Namjoon

Pied Piper (ot7) we’re irresistible and we’ll take over your life and you’ll like it, really cool sound

Go Go (ot7) poor money management?

[pinkl0rd]

Time for rvb headcanons

(Mostly abt donut and caboose and doc)

Spoiler warning ⚠️

After donut was shot by Washington he started playing the song bulletproof by La Roux as a way to cope. He even started singing it to annoy the others. Grif and Caboose both thought it was fucking hilarious (grif had to explain the joke to caboose)

Donut has ptsd from when he almost died in episode 11 after Tex tried to kill him with the bomb and almost his entire right side is scarred.

Caboose once said to donut that he looks like zuko from atla bc of the scar (donut liked that)

Donut is deaf from the explosion (only in his right ear) and is partially blind in his right eye

Caboose is REALLY FUCKING TALL like I’m talkin 6’7 and built like Chris Evans in captain America the first avenger

Caboose is neurodivergent (most likely somewhere on the autism spectrum) and his stims include the leg bounce™️, humming, playing with his hair, etc

Donut is a barb

Donut is a closeted ✨homosexual✨

Caboose is panromantic because he doesnt seem to really care about gender

Donut used to have an irrational fear of any kind of explosive for a while after he almost died that one time but now he uses explosives all the time like it’s nothing

Doc is sorta like the 3rd wheel and he just tags along with the 2 just because they’re fun to hang around with

Donut is really self conscious about his scar so for a long time he kept it covered up even after it healed (caboose kept telling him that it makes him look cool so he eventually stopped covering it)

Caboose has a big bin (the big plastic industrial storage bin you know the ones) of silly bands and literally no one knows where or how he got them

Donut wears eyeliner and will sometimes let caboose use it (donut has to do it for him tho)

Doc knows some really concerning information like how to hide a body or how to stab someone in the most effective way when being attacked

Caboose is really good at art

Donut gets EXTREMELY defensive with caboose and will do anything he can to make sure he doesn’t get hurt

Caboose is pretty clumsy and gets a hurt easily (doc was the one who has to listen to him explain how the fuck he dislocated his arm after tripping)

Doc is the local stoner and sometimes hooks donut up with brownies every once in a while (doc is also really good at cooking)

Caboose and donut sneak out at night and meet up on top of the cliffs surrounding blood gulch

Tex caught them sneaking one time and all she said was “poggers” when they ran into each other and she never said anything to the teams about it

The teams don’t actually know ab donut and cabooses relationship (minus Tex and Doc) all the teams know is that the 2 get along well and talk every now and then.

Caboose has a high pain tolerance

Donut does not

Caboose will sometimes just pick up donut and carry him around because he can (donut absolutely loves when he does this)

Caboose and donut both have nightmares a lot from the shit they’ve been through and go to each other for comfort

Well that’s it for now with head canons. I’m sure I’ll come up with more

I love those 2 sm

[btswishes]

What we were and what we are

One Shot/ Random

A/N: Take it as an emotional dump. I will put a keep readying line since I don’t think anyone would want to read this. XD Have fun anyways if you wish to stay friend. Who knows maybe it could be a Yoongi x Reader , friends to lovers story, idk. 

Word count:   2,535

Playlist recommended for this : Jin-Epiphany   Big Bang- Loser  Big Bang- Blue   at the end you can try BTS- We Are Bulletproof The Eternal

Warnings:  dark, anxiety, talk of trauma , be yourself please

                   ----------------------------------------------------------------------

  The sky was covered with soft cotton candy like clouds, tinted in the colors of the ending day. Oranges, reds, blues, yellows, you name it it was there. The wind was warm and but a whispering tender sensation over your exposed skin. The grass pillowing your body under the roughly placed cover, as your head moved up and down by Yoongi’s breath. Laying onto him felt like a antidepressant pill to you.Time had stopped. He was leaning onto his left arm as you both were looking up at the sky. His free hand from time to time brushing over your hair. 

“Your mom is calling.” he said taking a glance at your lit up phone screen

“Leave it.” you didn’t even use all the breath in your lungs with this sentence. 

“Shouldn’t you pick up tho? I mean she is your mom.” Yoongi’s eyes now focused onto you 

“Nah man, she is probably mad at me for something. My mom or not, good or shitty relationship, no matter how much parents say ‘i understand you’ or ‘i was your age once too’ .It never works, telling them anything ends up being a pain in the ass later. Asking for help when you fuck up is the same.” you tried following a lonely cloud with the corner of your eye

“I guess them not accepting that something is wrong with their kids is a defense mechanism.” 

“That fucks us up tho. Just because they want to lie to themselves to feel better, leaves their kids untreated and undiagnosed ,messing them up. Years of being bullied and not knowing why, can’t study even if they try, can’t be themselves. Such an easy solution, yet such a hard choice to make to take the first step.” you sighed as you spoke out, a bit of disappointment mixed in with your breath. 

“Ha ha ha.” Yoongi laughed under his nose before laying back down 

“The fuck did I say?” you cut him off, thinking the giggle was a bit displaced in this talk

“And when you take the first step? What then? The so called professionals lie to us too, give us chemistry and tell us all will be ok as they turn us into addicts to fake serotonin. Psychologists? The word comes from Greek meaning the study of the soul, yet those assholes look at us as bags of meat that you can stuff with pills. Yet we would do anything to get that drop of calmness, that feeling of being a bit happy for being alive right now. And when the effect passes? You want more and more, pill after pill, pharmacy after pharmacy. What difference is there between us people with anxiety and disorders and drug addicts? The medical degree probably.” 

  You smirked after his last words “ Not all doctors are bad, but you can feel how genuine they are, the rest are health merchants. I don’t think there was a difference in the first place. Drugs, alcohol, smoking fuck it, even sex, man. It’s all to fill that void with dopamine, serotonin and all the bio crap.” 

“Isn’t that chemistry tho?”

“We learned it in biology class so it’s bio to me. Do I look like a professor to you?” you rolled over and flicked his nose earning a ‘yah!’ “Hey.” 

“Wasup?” Yoongi pulled his hand from under his head and spread his arms wide like a star in the vast sky. 

“You know that thing where people ask you, if you saw your younger self in front of you right now and they were having the same feelings as you. What would you do?”

“I don’t know honestly, probably give the little guy a hug and some money ,or buy him something to eat. Someone out there for sure has it shittier than me, but I guess one of my mistakes was to undervalue my own emotions and mental state. Fuck, i got myself in such a hole. When people say ‘after you hit the bottom there is no where more to go but up’ , honestly that is straight up crap and bullshit. Some of us keep clawing and digging fearing that there is more to come. “ 

“Ah.” a memory popped up in your head on it’s own “That shit hole. Yeah, either you lose yourself laying there with bloody fingernails and hands, or you start crawling back up like a bug. You know, the blood is gonna stain the walls so next time you fall you will remember and catch yourself...if you make it that far.” lifting your hand, you covered a bit of the sky with it, noticing the colors around it “What about the times we reach out but no one grabs on?”

“Fuck! Y/N! We were supposed to have a nice walk in the park not a whole ass depressing talk session!” Yoongi hissed out, unlike his words his voice wasn’t angry

“Oh come on, you know that somehow we always end up talking about this shit.We are both broken pieces, but I think that isn’t bad at all.” you felt his breath stop under you for a split second “I feel like that is why we fit so well together.”

“Oh for real?” he asked a bit surprised by your words “I always thought it was because we were both hella toxic.” you swung your hand and hit him in the stomach “OOF!” he folded in half, sending you sitting up “I forgot how aggressive you were too.” Yoongi’s voice was coming from between his teeth.

“I am serious! I feel like we went through our hard times and learned to manage, that is why we can talk about all these things like this.” 

“Makes sense, we were each other’s shoulder. You start falling, I pull on you and the other way around.”

 You noticed the contagious smirk on his face that mirrored onto you almost instantly “We fall together, we crawl back up together. Damn we sound inspirational.”

“I told you! We should make one of those vlog channels where people wake up at 5 am looking like damn models, meditate and finish all their work before 11am.” throwing your body back you fell onto the cover, but Yoongi didn’t join you. He staid sitting, letting you focus on his back as he continued “You know we are losers, right?” 

“The biggest losers out there.” 

  He looked towards the sky letting the wind play with his hair, when suddenly you both burst out laughing. Your voices were so loud the birds flew away. “Yeah, we are.”

“Honestly tho Yoongs. Why did we care so much what people thought of us? I mean sometimes I still do but-”

“Same, same.”

“Don’t cut me off stupid!” you kicked him a bit “As I was saying!” you emphasized on ‘saying’ ,when he pinched your leg in retaliation a couple of times “Body types, dudes, girls, genderfluid or no gender at all. Being cute or stylish, pretty or ugly, was a mad waste of time. The nerd is gonna probably become rich, the ugly people will end up becoming better lookin that those basic Karens. I swear, even with all that bulling and people wanting be to be the top. With or without them the Earth keeps spinning .”

 “Did you just discriminate flat earth people!?” he gasped cartoonish “Y/N, i didn’t know you were this type of person.”

“Yah! You really out here trying to cancel your best friend, Min Yoongi!” 

“You don’t need me to do that, you already do it yourself with the stuff you say.”

“Says you, loser.” your words made him lean onto his elbow next to you, eyes focused on your face as the colors of the sky began fading over your bodies and skin 

“I like that word, loser.” he said “It sounds rude, but at the same time no one calls you that if you aren’t different. Different means unique, special. Who tf would want to be the same as others?”

“That was us too stupid, back then.” Yoongi pocked your cheek a couple of times gently 

“Yeah, but it’s not back then anymore Y/N. It’s now. We grew up. With our jaw and fist clenched we fought and made it here. They shot at us, they threw rocks and called us cowards, weirdos. But we made it through the darkness. After all that we are and will forever be bulletproof.” the sudden rustle of the grass under you two signaled him getting up and spinning, hands to the side. His head leaned back and he looked so happy. Yoongi’s eyes were closed, he could fall and not even notice, but he wasn’t afraid no more. Whatever happens will happen. 

“You make us sound hella dope man. I love it.”

“Anxiety, social issues, any kind of mental problems and disorders. They level us up, as long as we try. At the end of the day you lose something to win something.”

“The end of the chapter is the beginning of the next.” you began to notice he was starting to lose balance from all that spinning around “Hey stupid, you will fall and hurt yourself like th-” you couldn’t even finish the sentence when his legs tangled up and he fell onto you “You ok?!That was such a stupid move! Open your eyes next time!”

“Why?” he became serious, his eyes looking into yours. Yoongi crooked his head to the side,as his fingers caressed your cheek “If I was looking I would have been too afraid to fall. At the end of it all i ended up failing and found a little angel. See? Win win to me. You can’t always see where you are going, but you gotta believe that good things are on the other side.”

“You are bleeding, that is what is on this side.”

“I am WHAT!” his forehead was a bit scratched “Damn it! My handsome face!”

“Oh come on! Wait till I glow up like that! I will get the best looking SO out there.” the child in you was pouting at Yoongi

“You know damn well we are too messed up for a relationship with others. We try and try, get used and then we either lose interest, or fall completely out of love for months. By the way...” his fingers found your cheek again, but this time it wasn’t a gentle poke but a sharp pinch. Your hands flew in the direction of his arm to try and make him let go of you. “Who told you you don’t look good?”

“Ow ow Yoongi! Let me go!!!”

“Not until you tell me who said all that crap to you!?” prying yourself from his grip you continued rubbing the now red and warm spot

“People i liked or others in general. You know how shit goes.” 

“You for real need to get your eyes checked! People stare at you when you walk by cus you look TOO good.” his words were like a low growl of a jealous pet

“Nah man, they are either judging me or they want to fight me. There is no middle ground here.” 

“You really!” with all the power in his hand he flicked your forehead 

“Stop inflicting me wounds!”

“Then stop talking shit about yourself! I swear your bodydismorphia needs to join Jimin when he has talk sessions about his day with Hoseok.Plus, people do stare at you when you walk in town in the attracted way. On our way here at least 5 people turned back and continued looking.”

“Ew creepy!” you said “Why do you count them!”

“You little!!!Come here!” your neck found itself in a chokehold in a matter of seconds 

“HYUNG!���Jungkook’s voice echoed through the park reaching your direction “Y/N AND YOONGI ARE BEING THE DEPRESSED AND FLIRTY AGAIN!”

 “This kid I swear I will kill him some time soon!” you hissed at Jungkook

“You two really can’t drop this habit.” the slow and calm footsteps pulled your attention and soon subsided your anger 

“Joon, you know how we are.” you added, leaning back onto you elbows 

“I know, we are all like that.” Joon looked at you two sitting on the ground

“Y/N is right, broken pieces do find each other.” Yoongi added, but Joon sighed and rubbed the back of his head. He squatted down eye level 

“Broken pieces find each other because they fit together and make a beautiful new bottle that they can fill up with happy memories. Our sad and hard pasts make us titanium that can’t be broken. Even if one of us cracks, we are all going to help him become stronger.” he reached his hand out, standing up “ You are not alone Y/N, we are going to be forever titanium. You have us and we have you now. We are not lonely or misérables with you.”

“WE ARE BULLETPROOF GUYS!” Jungkook yelled out again

“Yeah...we are.” with a smile shining brighter than ever ,you grabbed Joon’s hand.He pulled you up as you were holding onto Yoongi. When the chain starts no one can cut the bond. We pull each other up...is what you realized. 

“Oh and.”

“Yes Joons?” 

“Can you two date already or at least go out on a date. It hurts looking at yall like this.”

“What!?” the blanket in your hand turned into weapon as you began hitting him with it in a moment of panic. His words hit a nerve.Yoongi wasn’t the one to rush or to run. With his hands in his pockets he followed you down the hill. His footsteps stopped for a moment to look at the now dark sky. 

 We may not be able to see the stars during the day, but at night they are too many to even count. Nothing is truly hidden forever, even who you are meant to be. It’s ok not to know now or later. When we are young we dont really know. We try to fit in a mold that was created, but we can’t, we just can’t no matter how much we try.

 We end up being labeled by the things we are different. Some come from a darker past, others don’t. Yet everyone is important, the way they feel, their emotions and inner state. If I could, I would grab your hand and show you a bit of the future. Think of this, your future self, the one that did it all finally and continues to dream big, is looking at you through memories. They grab your hand and push you forward towards the good. The tunnel may be dark, cold, lonesome and scary but it always leads to something. Just don’t give up.

  Regret, unsuccessful love, residual feelings for someone who used you. They are all a stepping stone, don’t look at them. Now you know what not to do, EXP( experience points)  come in many forms honey. Be who you want to be, life is yours. Be the main character in your story, not anyone else’s. Even if you fall sometimes, show everyone how amazing you are by standing up. Baby steps turn into miles, whispers become yelling, crawling becomes flying. Breaking the mold becomes you. 

[fiveisnumber1]

Yet another song I found and loved is Armor by Landon Austin

I'm not bullet proof when it comes to you. Don't know what to say when you made me the enemy. After the war is won There's always the next one. I'm not bullet proof when it comes to you

So this part made me imagine the part of the story when Reader is mad at Five for keeping secrets and being flakey. Cuz Five literally isn't bulletproof when it comes to the Reader. She has the most power over him and that's why he doesn't know whether or not to confess at first because he's still busy with the war (the apocalypse) and it seems there's a never ending list of problems like the commission as well. And also after the apocalypse is solved, they immediately fall into a second one by going back in time (altho of course they don't know it at the time). But no matter the problems, Five is softest when it comes to the reader and her hurt causes him the most pain hence the repeated line about not being bulletproof.

Maybe I'll crash into you. Maybe we would open these wounds. We're only alive if we bruise. So I lay down this armor. I will surrender tonight Before we both lose this fight Take my defenses All my defenses

I lay down this armor...

I like these lyrics cuz Five and Reader literally met through a crash. He blinked in front of her and they crashed into each other. So it's like a recollection of that. And the lyrics about opening their wounds being about finally revealing their secrets and feelings. They know they only have a little time and it's ok if it's still painful cuz they're both together and alive. Five decides to surrender his feelings to Reader because they're not sure if they'll make it out of the fight to save the world alive. He gives up his defenses and lowers his armor and expresses his love for her.

I do what it takes to make this right. But we got to stop before the regret. After the war is won There's always the next one. I'll do what it takes to make this right

Pretty self explanatory. Five is on a mission to make the world right and make it up to the reader. He doesn't want to have regrets because he obviously has a lot and that makes him ignore the reader a little cuz he can't see her die again. Then the lyric about winning the war but there being a next one makes me think of S2 and the apocalypse threat again but Five determined to do anything to make it right again. (this poor Boi tho. Can't catch a break)

I'll be you escape. I'll be your safe place. I'll be your shelter, Your shelter, yeah.

And this is obviously the Reader, promising Five that he doesn't have to do everything alone. He doesn't have to save the world alone. It can also be Five promising the reader that no matter how many times he messes up, he will do his best to be her safe place and shelter her even if he makes mistakes.

Anyway, as you can tell, I'm finding new music and any songs I connect to Five and Reader I'm impulsively sending your way xD hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

Awesome song! I also have some ideas about lines too. It’s really long though so I put it below the cut.

I'm not bullet proof when it comes to you. 

Don't know what to say when you made me the enemy. 

After the war is won There's always the next one. I'm not bullet proof when it comes to you

This first line could be from the reader’s perspective too in the fact that Five is the closest to her heart so when he is flaky and isn’t being open about things it feels like a shot to the heart that he’s not being as close as they used to be. Hence she’s not bulletproof when it comes to him (and the fact that he’s being distant)

The second line could also be Five’s feelings at himself. He’s his own worst enemy because he keeps getting down on himself for hurting the reader and for all the years he was gone knowing that she just wondered if he was still mad at her. As much as the reader loves and forgives him he still at war with himself for the trauma he has caused.

The second war can reference the two apocalypses but also now heading into season 2 of the story the second time Five has pulled the reader through time. And the second bulletproof line can relate to the reader’s feelings of losing her best friend (and everyone she knows for that matter) a second time because Five had to jump them all through time. She’s not immune to the pain of having to lose him again.

Maybe I'll crash into you. 

Maybe we would open these wounds. We're only alive if we bruise. 

So I lay down this armor. I will surrender tonight Before we both lose this fight Take my defenses All my defenses. I lay down this armor

I agree with what you had said about the first line because they did literally crash into each other. Building off that recollection though I’d say that the next three lines can be related to the fact that when they met they opened up about things they could never open up tp about others. The reader confided in Five about her powers, it was something that made her feel different from her peers no matter how perfect her life was but now she had someone to share it with. Someone who would understand her struggles (wounds) and how they affect her (bruises). The same goes for Five as he opened up to her about what it was like to live with his family and under his dad’s oppressive rule.

With them both being so open with each other they laid down their armor and defenses so they could grow close to the other.

I'll be you escape. I'll be your safe place. I'll be your shelter, Your shelter, yeah.

I think this could also be Five to the reader. He’s trying to protect her from the apocalypse and the dangers that the world could face. He also wants to make it up to her for abandoning her accidentally and having her think he was mad at her for years. He wants to be the one to take her fears away and make her safe hence he wants to be her escape, safe place and shelter.

Hope you like the ideas I added! ❤️

[clockworkrosea]

911, what’s your emergency? (1)

→ summary: they were dangerous. she knew that, and yet, she continues to hunt them. and this? this is her retribution.

→ pairings: jeon jungkook/fem!reader, kim namjoon/oc

→ tw: blood, gore, death, heavy themes, everything that comes with a mafia au, sad themes, possible depression not in this chappie tho, check the warnings on each chapter i decided to write this at 3am so it might get an actual plot at some point lmao

→ a/n: quarantine got to me and i finally decided to start the mafia au i put off for s o long. pls like this y'all lmao.....woohooo also check the warnings per chapter bc i decided to do this at 3am and i'm out here no knowing what the plot is also fem reader. also i know bts is literally bulletproof boy scouts but yes there is a female member (my oc). 

→ disclaimer: this is not an accurate depiction of bts and anyone else mentioned in this fic. this is also not an accurate depiction of seoul’s police department, government, and any other institutions mentioned in this fic.

series masterlist

Y/N first realizes that it’s a Bangtan killing. There’s nothing she sees other than the body, but as soon as she flipped it over the beta symbol shows itself. It’s bright red against the pallid skin of the man, and it’s tiny; they always hid it, and she always found it. 

This was the work of the leaders, she notes. There’s nothing at all, not even the shell of a bullet for them to trace. They were perfect killers. Although Y/N and her team had found evidence, they controlled what she knew. Bloodied knives that revealed nearly nothing, untraceable matches leading to a shadowy arson, discarded guns with no secrets to reveal.  

Bangtan Sonyeondan has eluded capture by her precinct for years. The whole precinct knew every member. Two leaders, six core members, and the rest of the lesser known mafia. Despite the corruption running rampant, the desperation for BTS to be caught had rapidly grown. 

When Y/N brought her idea up to her superiors, she was quickly dismissed. The dangers surrounding attending a mafia meeting were too great, supposedly, and they weren’t eager to lose their lead investigator. 

It was infuriating. 

Y/N was trained, and she was sure she would get valuable information for simply watching it. It wasn’t everyday any BTS members came out of their hiding spots, and she wasn’t eager to give up the chance. 

Y/N decided to try again, stringing Sejin along for good measure. He’d been helpful, and despite her disinterest in working with him, she was willing to do *most things* to achieve that goal. That, unfortunately, included working with Sejin. 

Later, Y/N decides Sejin is possibly the worst person she could have chosen. 

Y/N and Sejin first talk to Bang Si-Hyuk. If they manage to get his approval, she could easily pass through the rest of the higher-ups. They were pretty trusted by him, she thought, it wouldn’t be too hard, hopefully. 

Y/N glanced at Sejin, who nodded for her to go on. They stood outside Bang Si-Hyuk’s office, his name printed on a black plaque hanging in the window. She knocked, tapping her foot nervously, waiting for him to open the door. 

“Sejin, Y/N, come on in.” Mina motioned them inside. They glanced at each other, surprised that she was there. Since Mina had been injured in action, she hadn't made an appearance at the police station in awhile. 

“Nice to see you again, Commissioner Myoui. Didn’t expect to see you here.” Y/N hears Sejin talk behind her as they enter the office. She opts to sit down across instead.

“We,” Y/N starts, quickly glancing at her friend, “were looking for authorization for an undercover ops on Bangtan.”

“Hitman” bang, as they called him, looked oddly calm, as if he’d been expecting her to say so. A few moments of silence engulfed the room, before he finally spoke up. 

“Bangtan? As in, Bangtan Sonyeondan? You have a location on them?” Si-hyuk asked, sounding genuinely surprised. Y/N nodded hesitantly, looking back and forth between the commissioner and her captain. He had the surprised he lacked in his original expression, she noted. That was weird, but she quickly dismissed it as nothing more than her imagination. 

“Well then, you certainly have my approval. Chances like these certainly must not be wasted.” Si-Hyuk smiled lightly, nodding. He pulled a paper from a drawer, quickly signing it and handing it over to Y/N. It was official documentation for an operation, signed and stamped by the captain. Y/N cheered internally, her quest finally complete.

She stood up again and bowed slightly in thanks. Y/N waited until he dismissed her, before stepping out the office again, Sejin close behind. 

“I’ll be on call if you need my help later tonight. Good luck, Y/N, you’ll need it.” Sejin said to her, smiling lightly. He nodded to her before walking off, assumedly back to his desk, which was in the opposite direction to hers. 

Sejin was one of the most loyal people she’d ever meet, as Y/N later learned. 

→ a/n: alright that’s the end of chapter 1 woooooohooooooo also next chapter we see our mafia bbs uh i just realized that the title could be perceived badly bc of what’s going on rn but i swear it’s just a title that has little to nothing to do with the actual world. all due respect to 911 operators, and the name is just to do with the one thing i planned out for this... 

→ wc: 687 (next chapters will be longer hopefully)