#pretty sure im gonna hate writing once i get this job

[lovechai]

i'm going nowhere with this cv and letter im gonna cry

[moonlightspencie]

ahh hi, i just read through your master list youre so talented!

wondering if dean winchester and enemies to lovers? with angst but also a happy ending but also like shouting confessions and stuff but also like dean is like patching up reader or maybe not shouting but like stuff? protective? abuhwfc idek what im saying but yes tysm <3 have a good day

awww thanks so much! this was fun to write, i looooove writing dean

pairing: dean winchester x gn!reader

warnings: mentions of injuries!

——————————

“What the hell were you thinking?” Dean snapped at you for the fifth time since you’d gotten in the car with him.

You huffed a sigh, still holding onto your leg in what was most definitely not a small amount of pain.

“I get it, Winchester, you’re pissed. Are you done bitching at me yet?”

“No, I’m not!” He let out a breath in annoyance, glancing sideways at you as he drove. “Running in without me was… was freaking stupid. You could’ve gotten killed.”

“I didn’t.”

“But you could have, damn it! I should’ve never agreed to bring you along.”

“I got the job done.”

“Barely.”

“Screw you.”

He opened his mouth to speak again, his chest heaving in anger as he glared at you again. He decided on a simple shake of the head as he tore through town to get to the motel.

As soon as he pulled in, he practically dragged you out of the car, carrying you into his room and setting you on the bed. You winced.

“Watch it. Kind of got a bullet wound here.”

You half expected Dean to snap something snarky back at you, but all he did was glance at you with his brows furrowed as he hurried around the room.

“Sorry,” he muttered. “I’m trying to get said bullet out of that hole in your leg.”

You sighed softly, then started trying to gingerly pull your jeans off without further irritating your thigh.

“Damn it,” you cursed under your breath.

Dean turned quickly at that. “What?”

You merely shook your head, continuing to try and pull off your pants.

“Usually someone will at least try to flirt before they strip for me.”

“Shut up,” you grumble back, trying to hide a small smile.

He sat on the bed next to you, setting down his first aid supplies to help you get your pants the rest of the way off.

“Usually a guy will at least buy me dinner before taking off my pants,” you quip back at him.

“Shut up,” he smirked a little. Then he cleared his face. “You’re an idiot. You could’ve been killed tonight.”

“So you’ve said.”

“I’m serious,” he said, finally freeing you from your jeans with minimal jostling. “You acted like… like…”

“Yeah, yeah. I was stupid. I get it.”

He huffed again, shaking his head as he started prodding softly at your leg.

“Ouch,” you muttered softly, face scrunched in pain.

“I know. Sorry.”

“S’fine. Just pull it out.”

“I’ve been known to be pretty good at that,” he said noncommittally, slowly pulling the bullet out with a pair of thin tweezers.

You winced softly, but stayed mostly quiet as he worked.

“Attagirl,” he patted your knee gently. “Alright, we’re gonna have to stitch this up.”

“Damn it,” you groan, head falling back against his pillow.

“That’s why you don’t run off without me.”

“Shut it.”

“Just saying.”

“Well, don’t. I won’t hesitate to kick your ass.”

He snorted once, a tiny smirk on his face. You frowned, looking at him.

“What?”

He shrugged. “You sound like Bobby sometimes. I always forget you lived with him for a couple years as a kid.”

You hummed once. “Yeah. He acted like he hated it, but he was a pretty great foster dad for the time.”

“He was a great… well, everything.” He cleaned around the wound, handing you a bottle of some dark colored liquor. “Drink.”

You complied immediately, knowing you’d need a little something to take the edge off that inevitable pain. He took the bottle back, pouring a little on the wound to make sure it was sterilized on the outside.

“Ow!”

“It’s only gonna get worse.”

You scoff. “Not exactly comforting, Dean.”

“Not meant to be.”

You braced yourself as he started stitching you up, trying to focus on literally anything else until he finally finished. You let out a heavy breath.

“Good. You’re fine, see?” Dean said, looking at you expectantly.

You sighed, opening your eyes and glancing at your leg. It wasn’t half bad for some hunter stitches. You’d definitely had worse. You nodded a little at his work.

“Yeah. Good.”

“Good,” he repeated again, then placed the bandage on it. “You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?”

“I know.”

He looked at you for a moment. “I’m serious. I wish I hadn’t brought you.”

“I get it. But…”

“No buts about it. If we ever work together on anything again, and I mean ever, you’ll do as I say. Got it?”

You rolled your eyes. “Please. You’re not my dad or my boyfriend, and even if you were, I still wouldn’t take orders from you. Get a grip.”

“You almost got killed,” he repeated.

“I heard that the first fifty times, Winchester. But you almost get— you know what? No. You have gotten killed. More than once! You can’t say that shit to me!”

“I—” he started, but obviously didn’t really know what to say to that. He hummed once in thought. “Well… well, that’s different.”

“No it isn’t.”

“I don’t have to deal with losing me if I get killed!”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I just… it’s different. If it’s you, then,” he sighed, running a hand over his face. “If it’s you, or if it’s Sam, or anyone else, I’m left here to know that it’s probably my fault it happened. I have to deal with it if you die and I can’t deal with it!”

“Oh, come on, you’ve always hated me. You’d live.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“You think I’m annoying at the very least!”

“Yeah, cause you are! But I don’t want you to die!”

“How sweet,” you deadpan.

“Oh, shut up. You know what I mean. I don’t… I couldn’t…”

“What?”

“I like you! Alright?! Is that what you want to hear?”

“No you don’t. You hardly tolerate me.”

“Because you’re too damn independent and it freaks me the hell out!” he snaps again. “I don’t want to like you because that means I’ll fall for you and that means if you die, I’ll… I’ll…”

You groan in irritation.

“Cut it out. I’m trying to tell you I want you!”

You scoff. “Excuse me?”

“I want you! Always have! You got any clue how many times Bobby smacked me when he caught me checking you out?”

You stared at him for a moment in shock, then burst out laughing. He scrunched up his face in confusion, staring at you. He swallowed.

“Quit— quit laughing.”

“You’re serious?!”

“Yes, I’m serious. You don’t have to be a dick about it.”

You laughed again. “Oh my god! You’re being a bitch because you have a crush on me? What, are you 13?”

He rolled his eyes. “This is why I can’t stand you.”

“Apparently you can’t stand me because you like me too much,” you laugh.

“You— You know…” he tried, but was obviously too flustered to speak properly.

He ran through options in his head, but one sounded way more fun than the others. He suddenly leaned in, pressing his lips to yours. That shut you up quick.

“Mm,” you mumbled against his lips, kissing him back.

He could be a douche, but he was also super hot. Not to mention, he was a total sweetheart when he wasn’t determined to be an asshole. Like now. He pulled away, breathing heavier.

“Don’t laugh at me again. It’s mean,” he muttered softly.

“Don’t confess to a little crush like that again and I won’t. Next time you wanna confess, just kiss me instead. Much more effective.”

“Will do,” he breathed out, leaning in again.

[mazeofyeni]

❛ PHOTOSHOOTS AND INTERVIEWS ! ─── gia for vouge korea magazine . . .

╰┈➤ HI GUYS! it's enhypens' gia and we're behind the scenes of my photoshoot with vouge korea i'm so excited and i hope you like the photos 𓂃 ! ❞

「 gias masterlist 𖹭 」

PHOTOGRAPHY . . .

𓂃 🎞️. WHAT'S IN GIAS' BAG . . .

╰┈➤ HI ! it's gia and im gonna show you what i carry in my bag with vouge korea , so let's do this 𓂃 ! ❞

well first we have the bag

"normally it depends , i change bags maybe once a month , as of now it's this one , im gonna be honest , im not totally sure it's mine , my older sister recently came to visit and when she left i found this , so i think its hers . . . thank you unnie."

next is my phone , obviously

"no one goes anywhere without their phone , well some people might" *laughs* "if they do they're a very brave person."

my earphones — okay wait don't make fun of me engenes

"i lost my air pods too many times , and i know they have the headphones . . . absolutely not , i can't do it , so im back to wire headphones , the only way i know where they are."

oh here we have my ipad mini

"unfortunately i am an ipad kid , i carry my phone everywhere , but most likely i'll use my ipad , especially when im on a plane , i download the shows i want before i have a flight."

this is my journal

"i do take a journal with me , in case i want to write down anything , or sometimes i need to remember something , i write it down and check it when i get home , sometimes it's more like a schedule reminder than a journal for thoughts."

a stress ball , i do keep one in here

"i think jay oppa brought that one for me , i stress a lot sometimes , so I use this to calm myself down , i have more at home but i keep this one in here."

my digital camera

"i recently got it after seeing sakura unnie use one , i really like how the photos looked , so i decided to get one , i even decorated it nice and pretty."

my hand creme

"my hands get really dry sometimes , so this comes in handy , it's peppermint flavor , it's cute it has a little character on it."

mini perfume

"this isn't mine" *laughs" "i'm not gonna incriminate myself and say who it is , but it smells nice , don't worry they have a bigger bottle."

my lip gloss that's almost gone

"this is my favorite lip gloss as you can see , it's almost gone. i haven't had time to get a new one so im gonna use it until i absolutely can't , then i'll get another"

a hair tie

"everyone with hair needs this of course especially if you hate having hair in your face like me."

╰┈➤ okay that's it , thank you guys for watching me and i hope you like the pictures everyone did a good job with everything 𓂃 ! ❞

©MAZEOFYENI

[hms-no-fun]

Currently struggling a lot with getting very excited about a project, writing a lot, editing that writing until it's way more polished than what I can come up with off the cuff, and then being too intimidated to add to the document anymore since the previous good writing still gives off this looming intimidation if that makes sense? The more I write the greater the fear is I'll crash the story into a ditch that reveals the premise can't work. have you had that "its not all coming together shit theres a snag thats really important that i missed" moment? I realize it's pretty inevitable for that to happen, but whenever I write myself out of a moment like that I always second guess that I'm still overlooking something important or taking the easy way out. I know it's probably just all about pushing through but I worry that by pushing im just further diluting the original spirit of the project? Sorry for the all over the place ask, hope you have a good day :3

this is always a tough situation to navigate as a writer. happens to me often, and it has taken me a very long time to come even remotely close to being able to deal with it productively. believe it or not, i actually have quite a lot to say about this, so prepare for that below the break.

first of all, no, it's absolutely NOT all about pushing through. i find "pushing through" can just as often make the problem worse. keep in mind that i can only speak to my own experience and process, so any advice i might give here should only be taken insofar as you personally find it useful.

this is a form of writer's block. there are many different types of blocks, each with their own causes and hypothetical treatments. a big part of becoming A Writer as such is learning the difference between them, and developing methods for dealing with them on a case by case basis that don't involve substance abuse. don't do cocaine. that's step one.

most of my blocks are in the vein you describe. i'll be writing a scene that feels good, until i cross a threshold somewhere and suddenly the whole thing feels dead in the water. the first thing i do when this happens is stop writing. it's hard to stop when you're on a roll, i know. life is short and it's hard enough to write even on a good day, but sometimes you can just tell that you're on the wrong track and at that point you're probably not gonna be able to write your way back on.

once stopped, i check the basics. have i eaten recently? am i hydrated? have i taken my medications? these are rarely my problem (i keep a big water bottle with me at all times and my gf makes sure i'm fed), though you never know how useful a snack break can be. most of the time if the problem isn't with the text, it's that i've been writing for too fucking long and i need to clock out. learning to clock out is SO hard. but as i've been getting into the habit these last couple months, while i generally write less per day i ultimately end up writing more over time. i can feel my brain cooking when i've been writing too long. it's a muscle like anything else. if you did a bunch of overtime shifts at a more physical job, you'd need time to recover too. your body isn't a machine, your brain isn't a computer, and living things are inconsistent. it sucks but you'll have a better time all around when you learn to work with your body instead of against it.

another question is, have i showered recently? i find showers tedious and boring. also i still have depression even though my life is a lot better than it used to be. i lived on my own for a very long time as a deeply closeted self-hating trans woman, so my hygiene habits are not always up to sniff. as much as i hate to admit it, showers help. i can't tell you how many times i've sat at a godfeels chapter or video script and just felt fucking miserable, only to come back forty minutes later from a shower, full of creative energy. i despise self-help shit. just not a fan of the culture of positive attitude wellness check stuff because you can't self examine your way out of your class position. sometimes the problem is that you're broke. sometimes life fucking sucks and you just don't have the art in you, and that's okay. there's a common misconception that if something bad happens to you, at least you can make an art to get through it. but in my experience it's actually a lot harder to make art about bad times when you're still in them. most of the time it takes months if not years of safety and recovery before you can really face it head on artistically. so like, be nice to yourself. it's not your fault that you live in a society.

but also sometimes literally you just need a shower or to eat some leftovers or to go to fucking bed. i hate it every time that is true because i want my problems to be real and philosophical and not just some dumb body thing that happens to everyone. alas, no one can escape the quotidian obligations of simple mortality.

THAT SAID! this stuff isn't usually my problem, and often i find that what's solving the problem when i do step away to eat/drink/shower isn't even the specific activity, but the act of stepping away at all. getting my mind off it for a sec. when i hit a block that doesn't feel completely insurmountable, i like to back away from my computer and pace around a bit. then i'll stare at my big whiteboard with a marker in hand and just let my mind wander. i don't even write anything half the time! but the mere act of trying to compartmentalize the problem into something brief enough for shorthand helps me spot the pain points.

one of my favorite books is Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, which despite what you might assume from its title is NOT a self-help book but instead a work of philosophy from 1974 taking the form of a travelogue. what Robert Pirsig explores in this book is what he calls the Metaphysics of Quality. basically he's trying to understand the split-second judgments we make of things we like and things we don't. i absolutely do not have time to go into the specifics, just know that his Quality refers to the abstract certainty you have when something is Good or Right or Correct or Qualitatively True. like how you pull your hand away unconsciously when you touch a hot stove, but for ideas. you just Know.

a scene that really sticks with me from that book (probably the most famous scene) is when Pirsig describes needing to fix a mechanical problem with his motorcycle only to be stopped dead in his tracks by a stripped screw keeping him from removing the engine cover. he talks about being so focused on the obvious solution to the primary complex problem that, on encountering a smaller, simpler problem that has to be dealt with first, he finds himself completely stuck, calling this "a zero of consciousness." it's a problem so annoying and minuscule and stubbornly unsolvable that you just want to hit the thing with a wrench and throw it in a river. addressing this new problem, this block, requires an adjustment in thinking. and here i'm going to quote a pretty lengthy passage, but don't worry, i'm typing it out by hand with the book in front of me so there's no time saved on my end:

Consider, for a change, that this is a moment to be not feared but cultivated. If your mind is truly, profoundly stuck, then you may be much better off than when it was loaded with ideas. The solution to the problem often at first seems unimportant or undesirable, but the state of stuckness allows it, in time, to assume its true importance. It seemed small because your previous rigid evaluation which led to the stuckness made it small. But now consider the fact that no matter how hard you try to hang on to it, this stuckness is bound to disappear. Your mind will naturally and freely move toward a solution. Unless you are a real master at staying stuck you can't prevent this. The fear of stuckness is needless because the longer you stay stuck the more you see the Quality-reality that gets you unstuck every time. What's really been getting you stuck is the running from the stuckness [. . .] Stuckness shouldn't be avoided. It's the psychic predecessor of all real understanding. An egoless acceptance of stuckness is a key to an understanding of all Quality, in mechanical work as in other endeavors. It's this understanding of Quality as revealed by stuckness which so often makes self-taught mechanics so superior to institute-trained men who have learned how to handle everything except a new situation. Normally screws are so cheap and small and simple you think of them as unimportant. But now, as your Quality awareness becomes stronger, you realize that this one, individual, particular screw is neither cheap nor small nor unimportant. Right now this screw is worth exactly the selling price of the whole motorcycle, because the motorcycle is actually valueless until you get the screw out. With this re-evaluation of the screw comes a willingness to expand your knowledge of it. [. . .] What your actual solution is is unimportant as long as it has Quality. Thoughts about the screw as combined rigidness and adhesiveness and about its special helical interlock might lead naturally to solutions of impaction and use of solvents. That is one kind of Quality track. Another track may be to go to the library and look through a catalog of mechanic's tools, in which you might come across a screw extractor that would do the job. Or to call a friend who knows something about mechanical work. Or just to drill the screw out, or just burn it out with a torch. Or you might just, as a result of your meditative attention to the screw, come up with some new way of extracting it that has never been thought of before that beats all the rest and is patentable and makes you a millionaire five years from now. There's no predicting what's on that Quality track. The solutions all are simple-- after you have arrived at them. But they're simple only when you know already what they are.

this is, in brief, my entire creative philosophy when it comes to writer's block. i share such a lengthy passage because i think it's useful to underline that we're not talking about a problem that is necessarily unique to the labor of writing. this process is a human process. it's just that with writing, the nature of the block itself is often much more difficult to identify than a stripped screw.

there's a couple things i do to try to identify what's got me stuck. a lot of times what happens is that everything in a scene felt good until it didn't, and then everything after that moment fell flat. so i'll go back and read the whole thing and just try to feel the scene. is everyone in character? is their dialogue too quippy, or too aggressive, too expository? are we in the midst of a conversation that has simply gone on way too fucking long? i know it can be torturous to reread your own stuff but idk what else to say except get used to it. especially when you're still early in the drafting phase! like if you know you're not gonna release this thing imminently, there's no reason to be precious about the stuff that's good or to beat yourself up over the stuff that's bad. i know that compulsion to try to Get Everything Right The First Time is strong, but it's completely unsustainable.

sometimes the block is that i just don't feel like writing narration. i've always sucked at grounding a scene with descriptions of the place. lately i'm trying to get away from relying solely on descriptions of staging/blocking, but it's hard for a bitch like me who mostly prefers writing dialogue. i've gotten a lot more comfortable with putting notes between dialogue exchanges like [character moves, looks at picture, has a dramatic thought, other character fiddles with object]. it can feel like cheating sometimes but it's not. there's no such thing. no one will know the route you took to get to the end. they will only see what you show them, when you decide to show it to them.

sometimes the block is in some minor or major betrayal of the story's spirit. the (Terezi) & Jade scene i talked about in this ask is a good example. i hit a point where nothing was working anymore. no one would talk to me. the light was gone. i can always tell when i made the wrong choice. it's such a particular sensation. as though i'm walking and i realize i no longer recognize the road i'm on and must've made a wrong turn somewhere. the solution to this particular block is introspection, retracing my steps, because the wrong turn isn't always obvious. maybe it's that someone in the scene is being too mean, or that i've failed to accomplish what the scene exists to do in some way, or that someone's made an uncharacteristic choice that now everyone in the scene is arguing about and it's like, man, this is taking too long, i'm not enjoying this anymore.

another example from A1 is the second half of the solo. i'd had most of the jasprose scene, the karkat-calliope-roxy scenes, and the vrisrezi-jade scenes written since i posted the A1 chorus. where i ran into trouble was that i needed to get jane, jake, and (terezi) to show up. my original plan was to have them arrive one by one, thus allowing their individual dramas a moment in the spotlight before being subsumed into the group. not a bad idea in theory but in practice it was fucking tedious. here we have a bunch of characters already immersed in the scene captured by the intrigue of Jade being enigmatic, and then some unawares jagoff wanders in and suddenly everyone has to stop what they're doing and be like "hey hello how are you what's up" and then they explain how they got there and then they ask what's up and it's such a DRAG. honestly i would say the majority of my creative blocks by volume are moments when the story really wants me to just cut to black for a smoke break and come back when somebody gets mad enough to throw a punch. i mean that's the the development of A1 in a nutshell. originally everyone was gonna start the track locked up in space-jail on the hopebringer, jade would show up all apologetic and say what she expects padua's deliberation to be, then the whole cast would see her throw a fit over a decision she knew was coming, they'd all be absolved of guilt and let free, then they'd all argue about who's staying or going with Jade in the morning, they'd split up to go pack their stuff and then...

well that was exactly the problem. i wanted to get all the pertinent things out of the way. jade's code switching, voidthought, some EWL teases. give the whole cast a chance to react to it. i thought that would be expedient, because it got the Plot out of the way and gave time to characters for Feelings. if that version of the scene had come at the end of chapter 8, it might have worked. but i realized that as soon as jade's audience was no longer captive, i had no fucking clue what to do with them anymore. we already knew who would go with jade, so acting like that's some kind of mystery is just lame. i started writing A1 from a place of desiring informational density & a quick pace, because we've got places to go and things to do. but if the real purpose of A1 is to explore why these characters choose to go with Jade, then that needed to be done with a lot more care and precision. that's when i decided to let Jade spend two days underground making the earth right again, so that she has to come to everyone individually rather than the other way around. and it muddies her motivations, if you don't mind the pun. it puts her at an appropriate remove from the others. i ultimately wound up conveying all the same information as in the original version, but i did it in a way that was more appropriate thematically and artistically. it wound up being longer road than i anticipated, but this is a long story and in this case the longer road was better for the journey.

take the chapter where Jade visits Roxy. i needed some time with Roxy alone to set the scene, since she's the first person Jade decides to visit and i like writing about the insides of trailer homes. i wanted to get some politics from Jane in this chapter, so hey, why not throw in a televised speech? oh, and then i can have some tucker carlson types remind us that Earth C is a fucking mess. i wrote all that, and it was good, but it was just Roxy watching tv. i tried to get into Jade's arrival and couldn't. so i went back and realized, oh, Roxy should be yelling at the tv the whole time! now we get Jane's politics, Roxy's reactions to those politics, as well as bits and pieces of context re: Jane's relationships with Karkat and Roxy. now when Jade arrives, we can play with the question of whether she heard the speech from outside Roxy's door, and why neither of them was physically at the speech in the first place. there's tension and imbalance in Roxy's state of mind when Jade does arrive, so we're more inside her perspective than we usually are, which in turn helps us identify with her when Jade starts infodumping about antimemes.

so often for me, working through a block is a matter of doing a better job utilizing what's available to you. going back to the A1 solo and trying to bring Jake, Jane, and (Terezi) into the scene. i finally returned to it after a couple months of being sick and dealing with life problems. i was frustrated because i'd hoped to be several tracks in to 3.2 by now, and instead i was confronted with just how much more of this thing is left and how long that might take if i couldn't pick up the pace. this thing NEEDED to get done.

and then i remembered that Jasprose is literally right there.

and that was it! problem fucking solved! i had jasprose drop all three of them into the scene completely unceremoniously using manic teleportation through a fenestrated plane, and from there the entire rest of the chapter erupted out of me in a single go. it's such an obvious solution to the problem that you as reader probably assumed it was the plan from the very beginning. but it's like Pirsig says: the solutions all are obvious-- after you've arrived at them.

then there's the problem of overwriting. i actually did i think four different versions of the opening to the A1 solo. the first person narration was a late addition. i tweaked that scene so so so many times. it kept feeling close but not quite. when i did the thing where i reread to find where the block happened, instead of actually reading the thing i just kept finding spots where i could write more. i can extend this anecdote. this line could be better. maybe a comma here would work better than an ellipsis...

this can be good because sometimes what's blocking you is that you skipped over something that needed more time. maybe some information or a dramatic emphasis that gives the stuff you can't yet write the momentum it needs to get going again. but i've gotta be real careful doing this, because i can do it forever. and then, as you describe (hey look, i'm actually talking about your specific problem now!), that hyper-polished section sets everything else up to fail by comparison.

i think the trick is knowing the difference between when a scene needs an editing pass vs when a scene just straight up isn't working. when it's not working, sometimes you do just have to throw it all out and start over. but if it's good enough that you feel like all it's missing is better dialogue and some more description, then you can hold off on that polish until the rest of the thing is done. this conundrum is most common at the beginning of a chapter or story in my experience, precisely as a result of the process i've been describing this whole time. when you hit a block and retrace your steps, you can always find things to fix. so it's sort of natural that any given chapter becomes less polished the further along you get in to it. that's why it's so important to understand the differences between all these different types of blocks, and to remind yourself that literally nothing you've written is finished until the moment you've made it public.

a big part of getting the A1 solo out the door was me swallowing my desire for perfection in every exchange and saying, no, this is good enough. it's not 100% what i want, but it's close enough that it just isn't worth the effort it would take to get there. sometimes there are scenes that are worth that effort, but they are always rarer than you think and they're never the ones you'd expect. i will freely admit that there are a lot of characters expositing their motivations in this chapter. i tried to embed as much of that in humor or drama as i could, but sometimes you just have to shrug your shoulders and walk away and hope your readers will be nice to you.

of course the funny thing is, once i finished the chapter and had all the panels sketched out and wiped my hands clean of the whole affair, janet needed two weeks to make the images. so i ended up having time to polish up a couple of those things that i felt were lacking after all. but those additions were radically small and intuitive, because i'd divorced myself from the raw production and had committed to so many directions that i *couldn't* change much. i'm so used to writing for release that i don't know what to do with myself when my part of the job is done before i can kick it out the door. i've come to find that waiting, taking breaks, walking away and coming back, do wonders for your ability to egolessly examine your work and identify what's wrong. sometimes you just need a day or two to sleep on it.

and sometimes you realize that you've really just over-written a scene, out of preciousness or insecurity or whatever else, and the result is so much bigger than everything else you want to do that it's more expedient to just scrap it. i hate when this happens, man. i did this with an early version of the A1 chorus, when Jade is stuck in space alone and shouting about how unfair her life has been. you know sometimes there's an emotion in a scene that's addictive. some bit of pathos that you just feel down to your bones, fuck me man, this is so GOOD, this is so JUICY, this shit has QUALITY. it's so good you don't want it to be finished. so you keep writing it, and writing it, and you rewrite it, and you add to it, because you really want to squeeze every drop of emotion you can from the thing. and then you wind up with a bloated melodramatic mess that's so overplayed you've annihilated everything that compelled you to write it in the first place.

i want to be clear that this isn't wasted work. nothing you ever put to the page, no matter how ultimately useless it might prove to be, is wasted work. the way i see this whole process, top to bottom, is that there's this thing. i don't know what it is, but it's there. maybe it starts with an image, or a line of dialogue, or a relationship, or a natural vista, whatever. it can be anything. what matters is it's a sign pointing you in a direction. it's something that has Quality that you can feel with such potent immediacy that you have no choice but to write it. the act of writing is something of an expedition, because the real magic of it comes when those disparate signs start colliding with one another. an image becomes a scene, a house, a world, a universe. sometimes these signs lead to dead ends, but with experience you learn to tell the dead ends from the rough patches. you learn how to make your own way. you do this by listening to what this thing is telling you. every story i've ever written has known better than me what it wants. i can impose so much onto it, i control 90% of the process at least. but that other 10% cannot, should not be quantified or controlled but simply understood. if you try to bottle the flame, you'll just end up snuffing it out.

no artist really knows why they do what they do or how they're able to pull it off. they can tell you their methods, their process, their coping mechanisms, they can write ludicrously lengthy diatribes on tumblr in response to an innocuous ask, but you can't pin down the soul of the thing. Quality is ephemeral, because it's first. it happens before you've had time to think, like putting your hand on a hot stove. you just know. and you have to trust that knowledge to carry you forward, not second guess it too much, not try to wrangle the thing into a shape it doesn't want to assume. sometimes this requires writing scenes that you don't love, because it's easier to build a messy bridge between the moments that drive you than it is to perfect every single moment out of an artificial commitment to like, Being A Good Writer or whatever.

a lot of this is just practice. you get better at communicating with your creative impulses. but also i think it helps to internalize that nobody sees the rough drafts, nobody sees the duct tape. and nobody knows the perfect vision you'll be convinced you failed to meet. nobody has ever made a perfect thing, and no one ever will. who wants to be perfect, anyway? godfeels wouldn't be what it is if i wasn't willing to let it be messy. if i'd tried to do it better, it never would have gotten done, and nothing i'm doing now would have even conceptually gotten to exist.

also, it's okay to abandon shit when it stops feeling good. i have so many unfinished books kicking around from my 20s, dude. i feel bad about some of them, but ten years not finishing books is still ten years spent writing. it's actually quite rare for good ideas to result in finished works, because good ideas are cheap and they're not all for you. but you gotta keep trying anyway because sooner or later you'll catch a spark that has real gas, and if you've done the work you'll be ready for it. it'll feel like destiny. it'll feel like magic, how matched that idea is to your skill level. but it won't be magic, it'll be skill. if you hadn't put the work in to know how to follow that intuition, it'd be just as dead an end as everything else you never finished. you do the work so that when you get lucky you can take advantage of it. so in that context, writing is quite low stakes. if it's not good enough, fuck it, try something else!

anyway i hope there's some decent insight buried in here somewhere. thanks for such a good question!

[angel-eyes05]

bite the hand (chapter 8)

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

pairing: spider-woman!oc x miguel o’hara 

summary: lorena's whole world was taken away from her in the blink of an eye, after she accidentally broke a canon event. lucky for her though, she was able to find a portal watch in her dimension and used it to get out before she glitched out of existence. unfortunately though, running from dimension to dimension, she's been named as an anomaly by the spider society. now, she's constantly on the run from them, their leader in particular. when she eventually gets caught though, she's recruited onto a mission to catch another anomaly who might be from her past. to her dismay though, her partner on this mission is her very captor. will she be able to stop arguing with him for long enough to get the job done?

info: enemies to lovers, maybe a slow burn depending on chapter count, oc is 24 and miguel is 27, both oc and miguel are super sad lmao, they're also both super violent so, they also hate each other what a slay, in regards to my oc you can read her character sheet right here

warnings: there might be spoilers for atsv in this so watch the movie before reading this, i made up some weird rules for miguel's suit and idk if theyre entirely accurate to canon so just go with it, tension lol, cursing, drinking

word count: 3.4k

notes: i gotta start repeating the banners at the top cause i ran out LMAO. also, expect less frequent uploads cause 1) i kinda have low motivation rn and 2) im pretty busy rn (going out, vacations, and doing job applications). writing also gets a little draining for me after a while and i gotta put me first😔✊ ill keep uploading though dw i just gotta do it at my own speed to make sure i dont drop the series cause if i try to push stuff out too fast, im gonna end up dropping it so just bear with me lol. also i didn't proofread this before posting cause its 3:30 when im dropping this, and im so tired lmao

-----------------

It was the sun that slithered into the room through the cracks in the blinds that woke her up. Lorena preferred that to the normal wakeup call from a nightmare, or the sounds of honking cars next to her on the street. The way the bed had molded itself to her shape made it impossible for her to move. Almost like it was trapping her in its comfort. Even if the mattress was old, the fact that this had been her first time sleeping in an actual bed, and not a bench, sidewalk, or cot, in months was enough to provide her ease. 

She turned to face the other side of the bed, surprised when no one was in sight. Miguel was probably in the bathroom or something. She was more focused on a different fact: this had been the first sleep in weeks without a nightmare.

Huh. Weird.

She sat up in bed, noticing she was still in her robe from the bathroom. She rubbed the drowsiness off her face as the click of the door lock called her attention. Letting in a stream of early sunlight with him, Miguel walked through the door, pitch black sunglasses covering his eyes, a box in one hand, and a cup tray in the other. “Figured you’d be hungry when you woke up,” he said once he noticed she was awake. He softly kicked the door closed behind him, setting the tray on the desk near the door and the box on the bed. 

Pulled by curiosity, she moved her hands towards the box and opened it to see what was inside. Her mouth immediately started watering when she opened it to see assorted treats such as conchas, bigotes, and mantecadas. “I was in the mood,” Miguel said, pulling the drinks out of the tray. “I didn’t know how much cream or sugar you liked so I just got you black cause that's what I get,” he said, handing the hot cup of coffee to her. 

The smell of the pastries mixed with the coffee was enough to make her want to cry. It reminded of the smells of her aunt’s kitchen in the morning. The bitterness of the coffee stung at her throat, but it was overshadowed by the comfort it brought her. She picked up one of the bigotes, and had to hold back her tears of joy when she took a bite. “Gracias por todo,” she said, mouth full of food and covered in sugar. Miguel smiled at the sight of her. “De nada, cariño,” he said sweetly, taking one of the conchas for himself. 

As he walked away with his food, towards the bathroom, Lorena noticed something about him. “Where’d you get the clothes?” she asked, mouth still filled with food. He was now wearing a pair of gray sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. “It’s part of my suit,” he responded, fixing his hair in the bathroom mirror. “¿Cómo?” He sighed. “Remember what I said about the whole nanotech thing last night?” “Yeah, what about it?” Suddenly, the shirt and sweatpants shifted into his blue and red suit just before her eyes. “Woah…” she exclaimed in awe. “I can change its appearance as long as the outfit is downloaded to my suit’s database.” “Oh,” Lorena expressed, even if she still didn’t fully understand what he was talking about. 

“Why’d you get to be born in the crazy, futuristic dimension with all the fancy tech,” she complained to herself, just loud enough for Miguel to hear. “Why, do you want one?” he asked, in between a small chuckle. “I mean it would be nice to wear something other than a tight spandex suit for once,” Lorena joked, getting an actual laugh out of Miguel for once. Lorena blushed and smiled at his reaction. “Well lucky for you, you’re gonna need one for tonight,” he responded. “What do you mean?” she asked, after taking a sip from her coffee. 

He tossed her a small, golden chain. “The outfit should form around that chain. I had Lyla upload different outfits for the day, since she probably knows better than I do. When you’re ready, put it on.” Lorena admired the golden material. She was lucky she wasn’t a silver jewelry girl. “So what’s on the to-do list for today,” she said, still looking at the chain. “Stay undercover for the majority of the day, then head over to the Moonlit River club at night. Lyla should have that outfit uploaded by now,” he responded, brushing his teeth with the provided amenities in the motel. 

“Why, are you finally deciding to take me out dancing to pay me for my troubles,” she joked, taking a sip of coffee after. Miguel spit out his toothpaste and sighed. “Brock meets up there on Thursday nights to trade weapons.”

Silence filled the space between them.

She knew this day had to come. She just wasn’t expecting it to be so soon. 

“I see,” was all she could manage to say, before taking another sip of her coffee.

Miguel could feel the turmoil radiating off of her from the bathroom. He washed out his mouth, and splashed a bit of water on his face before walking over to her. He pushed the box of pastries to the side, and took a seat in front of her on the sheets.

“Mirarme,” he softly spoke, using his pointer finger to guide her eyes to his. She looked up at him, trying her best not to get lost in the crimson shade of his eyes. “I-” He cut himself off before he could continue. He melded her hand into his before speaking again. “I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. I want you to know that if this becomes too much for you…you can back out.” His inflection was weird. As if he didn’t want her to, but still wanted to keep her comfortable. A wrestling match between what he wanted and what was best for her. 

“And I’ve said it before too. I’m not running away from this,” Lorena said back, voice strong. “Ok. Just know if things get bad for you in there, I’ve got your back,” he said, concern in his voice. He had also found his eyes roaming her face, not realizing they had both subconsciously moved closer to each other. “And I’ve got yours too,” she said back. Once he had realized Lorena’s robe was loose enough to see inside to her chest, Miguel cleared his throat and got up from the bed quickly. 

“I’m gonna go into town, see if I can pick up any information on the street. You can do whatever you want until its time, but make sure to-” “Yeah, yeah, lay low. Relax big guy, I’ve got this,” she cut him off, reassuringly. He exited the room quickly, like he was in a rush to get away from her. He was gone for almost the rest of the day. 

-----------------

About 8pm that night. 

Miguel was outside in the main room of the motel while Lorena was getting herself ready in the bathroom. Miguel had gone out earlier and bought her some cheap makeup and perfume from a local drugstore, a sweet gesture. 

Once she finished with her makeup and straightening up her hair, she tapped on the middle part of her gold chain, causing a menu to pop up. She scrolled through the options until she came across the last one, labeled by Lyla as “night time😉”. She clicked on the option, as she watched in awe as her casual t-shirt and sweatpants shifted into her outfit for the night. A tight black dress, cut asymmetrically to show one of her thighs, and a turtle neck part detached from the rest of the dress, with glove-like sleeves. This feature allowed for the perfect peephole towards her chest. Lorena had a feeling Lyla would try to do some matchmaking with her outfit.

With a quick spritz of perfume, a double check of her face in the mirror, and quickly putting on a black headband for her hair, Lorena quickly exited the bathroom. Miguel was standing there, waiting by the door and checking his portal watch. He was sporting a black, silk, button up shirt, tucked into black dress pants. The fact that the shirt was way too tight for him was accentuated by his muscles sculpted by the fabric and the fact that the first two buttons were open. His eye was caught by Lorena when she stepped out of the bathroom, his mouth slightly agape in awe and his eyes almost stuck to her.

“It’s flashy, I know. But it’s better that I fit in,” she said, trying to divide the tension in the room as she walked closer to him. “I-...um,” he stammered. “At a loss for words for once O’Hara?” she teased. Noticing a stray hair on the top of his head, she reached up to him to push it back. “Quédate quieto,” she commanded softly, while she stuck the piece back into the gel, trying to ignore how he was admiring her. 

“There you go. Ahora te ves guapo,” she teased, patting his chest with her hand. Miguel still had that stupid smile on his face. “Y te ves hermosa,” he said softly, and with utter sincerity. 

She couldn’t tell if she was caught more off guard with his words of affirmation, or the fact that the blush quickly forming on her cheeks was confirming her secret love of it. 

Clearing her throat, she unlocked the door, opened it, and gestured her hand to outside. “Lead the way big guy.” He smirked at her as he walked outside. He even got the courage to offer her his hand. This confidence was quickly deflated when she smacked away his hand, giggling to herself as she took the lead down the stairs. 

The night life of the city was bustling on the streets. Couples together, arm in arm, surely walking to a fancy restaurant for a night out. Lines forming outside of nightclubs, patrons with an urgency to get in. Everyone walking down the street with their own story to tell, just like Lorena. 

After walking for a couple of miles, the bright, neon blue sign shone in front of the entrance. The door was a mahogany red, with three stairs leading down to the entrance. But opposite to Miguel’s eagerness to get inside by opening the door, Lorena slightly froze, eyes blank. 

This was it. It was going to happen. Whether she was ready or not.

“Hey.” Miguel’s calm voice pulled her back to reality. “Stay with me. Okay?” He held out his large hand for her. This time, she decided to take it. “And remember to try and fit in,” he added. Her smile quickly turned sour and annoyed.

The atmosphere was loud, a mixture of people talking and the bass of the music filling the room. The fact that the lights were out didn’t seem to matter much with the amount of strobe and neon lights flashing within the bar. Lorena noticed Miguel quickly putting on a pair of sunglasses hidden in his jacket pocket. “I thought you said we needed to fit in,” Lorena stated as the two walked towards a high top near the bar. “I did. And?” “You really think you’re blending in with a pair of sunglasses on indoors? At night? In a club?” Lorena joked. “The lights hurt my eyes,” Miguel said, puppy dog hurt. Lorena had to fight to contain the laughter rising in her chest.

Once they sat down, and the reality of events settled down on Lorena, she began to look around the club. People sprayed out on couches, drunkenly conversing or making out. People out on the dance floor. Men walking into booths in the back, shielded by curtains. Eddie was probably in one of those. “I’m heading to the bar. You want anything?” Miguel asked, snapping her out of her daze. “Uhhhh, just get me something strong,” she brushed off, still not entirely paying attention. He shrugged and walked off to the bar. 

Lorena continued to inspect the area, her thoughts bouncing all over the place. What did this Eddie look like? Did he have black hair instead? Was his voice higher? Her Eddie always had a particularly deep tone. Smooth like silk as well. She would spend days on end focusing on the way he would say a single sentence back when she was first crushing on him. Would he act like her Eddie? She realized quickly she probably wouldn’t get the opportunity to find out. She didn’t necessarily want to find out anyways.

…

Would she have to kill him again? Would Miguel make her?

The smack of the glass on the table brought her back to reality. “You weren’t really specific, so I just got you a negroni,” Miguel said, open bottle of beer in his hand. Without a second thought, Lorena downed half the glass just then, proven to be a mistake with how strong the drink actually was. Her mouth curled inwards as her eyes shut closed, letting out a few coughs quickly after. 

Miguel laughed slightly, and slammed his hand against her back to help her cough. “What the fuck was that?” “Hey, you told me to get you something strong!” Miguel defended. “I thought you were gonna get me a margarita or something,” Lorena said, rubbing her chest with her hand. “Haven’t had alcohol in more than a year and you hit me with that straight away,” she said to herself. Subconsciously, he handed her his bottle. “Take a sip of that then.” She smiled to herself as she put her lips to the bottle and took a good sip of the beer. “Better?” he asked, like she was a child. “Yes, thank you for your charity sir, you’re so kind,” she responded sarcastically. 

“Find anything interesting yet?” Miguel asked, taking back the bottle. Lorena’s eyes went back to the curtains. “Those booths back there look promising. Are we sure he’s here yet though?” Lorena asked. “I have a hunch.” Lorena looked up at Miguel, annoyance on her face. “We’re going…off of a hunch?” “Just trust me on this okay.” Lorena sighed and took another sip of her own drink, wincing again when she put it back down. 

Her eyes were drawn away from the drapes and over to the lit up dance floor. She had always been the first one to bring her friends to dance with her when she was younger. Seeing it again brought feelings flooding back to her heart. Spontaneously, she jumped up from her chair and held out her hand to Miguel. “...What are you doing?” he asked, incredibly confused. 

“You said we had to blend in, right? We’ll do that better if we’re out there dancing,” she said. “Oh, no way. I don’t dance, chiquita,” he said, almost embarrassed. “Oh come on, for someone with your build? You’ve definitely danced before. Don’t be a debby downer Miggy,” she encouraged, both of them caught slightly off guard by the nickname slip. He rolled his head back, wiped his hands over his face, and let out a deep, annoyed groan. Once he stood up though and took her hand, it was impossible for Lorena to lose the smile growing on her face. “You’re taking the lead though, Loré,” he said, having come up with a nickname for her as well. She hoped the sunglasses he had on would keep him from seeing the blush on her face.

…

They didn’t.

Hand in hand, Lorena led Miguel over to the brightly lit floor, music blasting in the speakers next to them. Miguel stook out like a sore thumb, his huge build making him extremely identifiable among the other strangers on the floor. Lorena fit right in though, immediately beginning to dance to the blasting music. Miguel tried his best to copy her moves, but ended up looking like a fool. “You were right, you really aren’t that good at this,” Lorena teased. “Ha ha, very funny,” Miguel said monotonically. As the music changed slowly to a slower pace, they noticed the people around them grouping to dance into a pairs. She looked up to Miguel. He raised his eyebrow at her, asking her without words. Her smile was confirmation, as they inched towards each other. 

Almost as if they were pre-programmed to do so, Lorena wrapped her arms around Miguel’s neck, and his wrapped around her hips. They swayed together slowly to the music, melting into each others touch. He rested his head on her shoulder, his hot breath leaving goosebumps on her skin.

“This isn’t my wheelhouse,” he quietly whispered into her ear, sending shivers down her spine. “Why, better when other music is playing?” she whispered back sarcastically. “Everyone here’s lucky they aren’t playing salsa right now, or I’d be stealing the show.” Lorena let out a laugh. “Is that so?” He nodded, a huge smirk on his face. “I’m more of mambo person myself,” she responded. He smiled at her remark. “You’ll have to teach me some day.”

She struggled to keep the smile on her face as those words entered her head. You’ll have to teach me some day. She hadn’t even begun to think about it. What she would do after this mission was over. The whole point of doing this was so she could be granted her freedom. She wanted it so badly a couple of days ago. But now. She hadn’t even thought of staying as a possibility. Because to her, it wasn’t. She couldn’t invade Miguel’s life like that. She wasn’t even 100% sure how she felt about him, much less on how he felt about her. Besides, no matter how much she just wanted to settle down with someone. To live an actual life. She didn’t deserve it. 

Pulling away from him was like separating herself from her source of life, but she did it anyways. “You okay?” Miguel asked concerned. “Yeah, I just gotta freshen up for a second,” she said, wiping her nose. She turned around quickly to get away. Too quickly though, bumping into someone’s back on her way to the bathroom. 

Knocked off her balance, and her headband knocked out of her hair, she fell to the floor on her ass. “Sorry about that,” she said, slightly dissociated, reaching out for her headband. The stranger also reached down to help with her headband. “It’s okay, don’t worry about it gorgeous.”

Her heart dropped to her stomach.

That voice.

“Don’t lose your heart.”

She desperately wanted to keep her eyes glued to the floor. She didn’t want to look at him. But she had to keep her cover up. So she did, as slowly as she could though. And it was the worst possibly outcome.

He looked just like him. Strawberry blonde hair. Deep blue eyes. Small scar just above right eyebrow. His bottom two teeth fighting for room on the bottom row of his mouth. There was only one difference though. One of her favorite parts about him. This Eddie was missing his freckles. His beautiful light brown freckles.

She gave the stranger with her dead boyfriend’s face a strained smile while she grabbed her headband and rushed behind to the door. Her own brain pounding in her head was too loud for her to hear Miguel as she nearly ran passed him. She slammed the door to the outside open as she took in the air like it was her first breath ever. Even if she was outside now, she kept running. She sprinted down the streets, not taking any of her surroundings into account. She saw him in everyone’s face. His ghost had always been haunting her, but she wasn’t ready for him to move from behind her back to in front of her face. She ran so far and so fast until her legs ached, and even after that. She didn’t even know where she was going. She didn’t care. She just needed to get away from him as quickly as possible. Even if that meant leaving Miguel behind too. 

Her sprint was interrupted when her foot was caught in a change in the elevation on the sidewalk. Her face slammed into the concrete sidewalk, scraping her cheek and her knees. She used the rest of her strength, all drained out from her bolting, to crawl into a nearby alley. She made her way to the back and slunk down into the corner, hoping to meld into the brick behind her. Especially if it meant she never had to see him again.

-----------------

a/n: THIS TOOK ME SO LONG OH MY GOD. sorry if i messed some stuff up with the drinks, i dont drink so i really have no idea (im just a stoner instead lmao). UGH BUT I THINK THIS WAS MY FAVORITE CHAPTER TO WRITE I LOVED IT AND I HOPE YOU GUYS DID TOO

taglist: @the-ikran-man @jenniferdixon05207 @yuuuumii @elwyn7 @waniesss @lust-for-pan @natthernandez @pix-stuff @ang3lf4c3 @artfulthoughtswp @notwildlyfamous

[itsjaywalkers]

laurieeeeeeee hi hello i miss u !! 🪄 💬 and 🪅 for the writng ask game !!

DIL!! BELOVED BRAINEATER!! i miss u too.. so so so much.. tumblr isn't the same without u.. but i hope ur thriving and enjoying the holidays..

i already answered 🪅 here !! and i refuse to brag again.. u can't make me!!!

🪄 which project flowed like magic?

i feel very repetitive but . definitely nothing happens . it's one of my more self-indulgent stories and i always have so much fun whenever i write it. i never beat myself up over it either bc i'm not trying for it to be perfect, i'm just going with the flow in a way??? so !!! forever my comfort fic !!! even if the content lowkey isn't lol

and shout out to luck came!! simply bc once i got used to barty's pov and the general tone of the story, writing it also became really easy and . rewarding in a way, idk, im very proud of that fic

💬 what dialogue are you most proud of?

technically i already replied to this one.. but have a couple more dialogues im also really fond of and that i love how they turned out:

this is . again . from nothing happens part 4 .

“This isn’t funny, James,” Regulus grits out, practically vibrating with anger. James thinks he looks very pretty, with his flushed cheeks, his curled lips, and his cold grey eyes shining with contempt. He shrugs. “Never said it was. Do you see me laughing?” “No, but you keep treating everything like it’s a bloody game!” Regulus exclaims, throwing his free arm up in the air. “So what am I supposed to think?” “C’mon, Reg, you know me, you know I—” James begins with a sigh. “When you get like this, I wish I didn’t,” Regulus cuts him off, words coming out a little viciously. James thinks they’d hurt, if it weren’t because he’s aware that’s what Regulus is trying to do.  “God, Reg, don’t be so boring. Throwing a tantrum was cute when you were thirteen, now it’s just pathetic.”

and also this one from oby part 3!!!

“Because you have the most boring job in the world, and I already have to deal with you going on and on about cars and bikes at home. I don’t need to see it, on top of everything else. Besides, you were lying about the hot guys.”  “I wasn’t! Kingsley is very fit.”  “Yeah, and he has a boyfriend.” “Well, you never know, they could break up.” “I’d say it’s a bit unlikely, considering he’s getting married in summer and we’re both invited.” Sirius bites the inside of his cheek, looking away with a frown. “What about Fabian?” “Painfully straight.”  “Arthur—” “He’s literally married!” Regulus exclaims, watching his brother incredulously. “I’ve met his children!”  “Whatever,” Sirius murmurs with the beginning of a pout. “There’s also Wilkes.” “You fucking hate his guts.” Regulus clicks his tongue. “I’ve lost count of how many times you complain about him every week. And I feel like he’d hatecrime me if he found out I’m trans.”  “He wouldn’t fucking dare,” Sirius snarls, teeth bared and his free hand curling into a fist. Regulus just huffs, but it sounds endeared, and he pats his brother’s shoulder amicably, happy to see him relax slightly at the contact. “I know. It’s fine. It’s not like he’s ever gonna know. I have no plans of sleeping with him.” “Good.” Sirius presses his lips into a thin line, but then, a second later, he lights up, snapping his fingers before he turns to look at Regulus once again. “That’s it! Marlene’s fit as fuck! And you like Marlene! That counts.” Regulus blinks at him. “Sure, I like Marlene. As a friend. Because she’s a woman. And I’m gay.”

end of year writer ask game

[sinfulforrest]

gonna put this under a cut, mentions of strokes and hospital things and just a general cry into the void jdmfm

on Saturday I found my dad having a stroke, like a really really bad one, and honestly the sight I saw will never leave my head I think, I've calmed down a lot since everything transpired and he got taken away to a stroke specialist hospital to get treated, but today is gonna be the first time I go up to the hospital with my mum to see him and im just really nervous about it

I just don't even really know what to say, yknow? I have so much I wanna say but I can't really, the poor bloke is still extremely weak and drowsy from the operation that he had and all the meds and just the fatigue you get when you suffer from shit like that, and I'm also pretty scared that he might not want me or my lil bro to see him in this state, he's one of those guys that cannot show weakness in front of people and absolutely despises bein weak and vulnerable (wonder where I get that from...), and honest to god I think it'd kill me if he got upset with me and my bro

I worry about money cause my dad has a great paying job, whilst the rest of us earn pennies in comparison tbh, because if he gets permanently paralysed then I very very much doubt he'll be able to go back to work, so I'm fuckin praying that when he gets to the physiotherapy and speech therapy side of things that it can help and he can push through like the stubborn ol bastard that I know he is

I just hate that there's nothing really anybody can do, we'll have to wait a good six weeks or so to see what the scale of the damage is on my dad's brain and how much of a hike it'll be for him to get back to a livable state. I just pray to whatever god is out there that he can walk and talk properly again as time goes on, I really miss him not being here swearing his head off and being a grump and it just feels really wrong without his presence bein here

I'm gonna do my best to support my mum and bro though, it's starting to hit my mum a lot now so I'm gonna try and stay strong for her and be optimistic about things. I'll defo be comfort doodlin a lot in the coming weeks I reckon when I regain my energy and can sleep properly, it won't be much but I think that'll help take my mind away from things for a little bit

I think I might reblog this later once I've seen my dad and write my feelings n how it went here too, so if you don't wanna see me clog up your feed just block my tag stuff I guess

make sure to tell your loved ones that you love em, you lot, you never know when horrid shit like this will come outta the blue and sweep em away from you

[kyleiskoool]

ive said this before but i hate hate hate the dialouge in fantasies come true. gang its so bad. its my favourite song (to sing atleast) in the show BUT OH MY GOD!!!

having nicky sleeping is a fine concept and its pretty funnt but idk most of the dialouge just isnt that funny. i know it isnt supposed to make sense and it represents dream talk like yes i understand that. but most of the things he says are just... meh.

exception is all the actual plot forwarding shit ("i love you rod" "take off ur shirt") and "you look like david hasselhoff" those lines are absolute fire idc what anyone says.

dont get me wrong i think the lyrics are so good. fantasies come true does no wrong. the harmonies r peak and the lyrics are amazing.

buttt they did get rid of the best line in the entire song from the demo tracks. (its on my youtube somewhere) so you know that pissed me off. but also i can see why they got rid of it. because it took away from how rod actually felt in his heart or whatever. it took away from some of the seriousness from the song. so i guess i can see but like it was so funny and ughghgh.

actually i wanna make a quick analysis on why they did that. im gonna guess that in a time where gay people werent really seen, theybdidnt want to fall into the stereotype of "all gays are sexual" or something like that. and they wanted to show that queer people could genuinely fall in love with a man and it not just be about sexual favours. they didnt want rods feelings to be a joke. with having a gay man playing rod as-well, it was probs the best option. once again homophobia has taken from us...

okay and i think the ending is SOOOO LAZY. like they drop the most amazing harmonies and the most wonderful beautiful duet of the show showing how both kate and rod have found someone so important, so special to them. theyve both found someone who loves them unconditionally and theyve both so excited because nobody has loved them like this before.

then they RIP it away from rod. they pull the elemantary school narative writing conclusion of "it was all a dream so none of this really matters" i just think in a tony winning musical pulling something that an elementary school student could write is a bit of a bore and disapointing.

hell, i wouldve liked it better if it was just rod imagining it up but getting pulled out of it somehow. idk. i just think it was such a rug pull like "oh no, now hes actually heartbroken because iT wAS alL a dReAM"

i mean it does do a good job of getting rod to realise/confess hes in love with nicky but... rrrrrr... doesnt make sense.

pull the demo track though like even if rod was mishearing what he was saying or they found a way to make it non-romantic or something idk.

at what point do tou just make nicky and rod gay? like at what point do you decide that it would make more sense (jk i think nicky being straight is okay in canon but thats for another massive convoluted rant)

anyways yeah guys that was my rant about fantasies come true. make sure to like, subscribe and click that bell! i hope you enjoyed the tumblr rant. ill see you in the next one

[go-to-two]

Im not a fan of Voight and I especially hate any Voight/Hailey interactions. But PD has a history of involving Voight in almost every main character exit (Erin, Al, Antonio, Jay. Im sure even some from the earlier seasons) So im assuming whatever the plan with Hailey’s exit is, Gwen’s gonna try to squeeze Voight into it.

I don’t really understand Voight and Hailey’s relationship especially these past few seasons, but if we do get another Voight and Hailey talk before she leaves, I hope its for him to tell her to not let the job consume her. I mean look at Voight. He lost his wife, kid, grandchild, best friend. He has lost every good thing in his life because of this job. He has made this job his everything, and what has it gotten him. Nothing!! It’s highly debatable whether he is a good cop or not. But at the end of the day, he goes home to an empty home. Other than team and Trudy, he doesn’t really have anybody. (And with the recent writing, it doesn’t even feel like the team cares about Voight) And with how they wrote S10, Hailey’s life is very similar. She pours her heart and soul into every case, but at the end of the day she is still miserable and alone.

Voight and Hailey’s relationship is hot cold for me. Sometimes I don’t mind it, and sometimes I can’t stand it. But if we are getting another Hailey gets advice from Voight scene, I really hope it’s him telling her to not be like him. To not let the job be the priority. I hope he tells her to fight for Jay. To give him a second chance. Maybe even encourages her to start fresh somewhere else with Jay.

Clearly Gwen enjoys this Hailey/Voight dynamic. I just hope for once, she uses it for good instead of destroying Hailey’s life.

As much as I don't want it either, I think you're right in that Voight will be involved in her exit. It feels pretty inevitable. I can't stand their relationship either, mainly because they can't seem to figure out what they want it to be. Hailey seems to be the only one who has to put up with him when he goes off the rails, and they change their relationship from one episode to the next whether they want her to be over him and his tactics, or his partner that carries on as if they don't have the history that they do. I do like your line of thought. I hope she takes a long look at everything the unit has taken from her and what her future there could look like, and she gets the heck out.

[shizuoi]

20 Questions (for fanfic writers)

thank you for tagging me @seek--rest ♡♡♡

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

81

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

468,946

3. what fandoms do you write for?

i dabble in anything that attracts my interest, but for the last year it's been exclusively lockwood & co!

4. top five fics by kudos:

my scorching sun, show me the way (marvel's eternals)

you'll find love with me somehow (marvel's eternals)

i can see your heart beneath your ribcage (you should save it for me) (enola holmes)

prepare for trouble (and make it double) (the magnus archives)

pulling teeth behind bottom lip (山河令 word of honor)

5. do you respond to comments?

yes unless they make me uncomfortable

6. what is the fic your wrote with the angstiest ending?

i don't really write non-happy endings but you might think you've caught her (but you've blown your only shot) (tua) had an open-ended dark ending which was pretty ooc for me

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

dskjalhsgdfjkal literally close your eyes and click on any of my fics tbh but recency bias demands the hanahaki au heartburn (l&co)

8. do you get hate on fics?

maybe once or twice but i deleted the comments immediately and haven't thought of them since. i don't tend to write in very big fandoms so i fly under the radar for the most part i think

9. do you write smut?

do i ever :3

10. craziest crossover:

i'm more an au person than a crossover person; closest thing that would qualify would be the l&co now you see me au pros and cons

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

i...think so? it wasn't a direct copy/stolen per se, but it felt heavily inspired...

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

many times!! very honored every time people ask ♡

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

TheMalapert and RainShadow07 and i have a few things cooking (katabasis, permutations, a secret new series coming up :3)

14. all time favorite ship?

oh jesus this is tough but i can't say no to some good spirk

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

mm not sure, my interests bounce around a lot so sometimes i'll think i won't ever pick anything up again and then BAM inspo so i'm gonna cop out of this question LOL

16. what are your writing strengths?

dialogue and realistic character interactions and introspection. characters are very important to me and i always strive to do them justice by taking readers through their struggles in a compelling way that makes the outcome that much more satisfying. i also think i do a decent job at creating interesting worlds (on the surface)

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

following up with my previous answer, i'm good at ideating smaller/surface worlds, but my worldbuilding is pretty weak when you dig deeper. i do this on purpose sometimes because if i get too sucked up in the worldbuilding/situation, it throttles my ability to explore characters without feeling trapped and that really frustrates me. i have a fic im going to post this month that i did so much research for the world and parts of the character's backstory that i'm creating that i basically paralyzed myself for months because i was too afraid to write the character inaccurately in accordance with all the research i had done and knowledge i had accumulated. definitely something i would like to improve on!

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

when done with respect and intention, it's a very powerful tool. i have a fic that i'm writing where there's non-english dialogue and i think about this poem often

19. first fandom you wrote in?

young justice i think? (on ye olde ff.net)

20. favorite fic you've written?

til' veins run red and blue because it has a strange longevity on ao3 and every time i go back to read it just to make sure it's not bad i always emerge very pleased with myself LOL

tagging: @ohmyoverland, @synestheticwanderings, @woahpip, @dappledwrites, @lemonsharks, and anyone else who wants to partake!! consider yourself tagged ♡♡♡

[eternangl]

time for the 𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 ! 🪽 —

𖤐 first things first , as soon as my masterlist is made (im lazy rn sorry) it’ll be added to the bottom of this post. i think all my rules are pretty clear and should be common sense but please read through all of them before requesting or interacting with my page ! dont skip or skim.

໑ don’t copy my work. i’m not even that secure in my own work yet , so for someone to copy it would be rly annoying for me & embarrassing for them. also don’t translate , change , edit , or upload my work anywhere else. tumblr is the only platform i write on.

𖤐 dni (do not interact) if — you’re racist (im black & very proud + my y/n’s are usually also black coded) , under 18 (sorry not sorry but i write and interact with nsfw content, so it’s just awkward & inappropriate) , homophobic , fatphobic , sexist (any of the ists/isms/phobics tbh) , or simply a dickhead (ex : sending hate , starting drama — im not here for any negativity).

໑ i’ve been a reader for a long time & i’ve seen a lot of writers get bombarded with anonymous hate , so if you’re one of those you will be blocked. if ur gonna hate at least don’t be scary abt it :p

𖤐 i ask for feedback a lot , but that isn’t an invitation to harshly criticize me or my work. only constructive criticism (when asked) is allowed pls & thank you !

𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 ..

໑ i’ve been wanting to write ever since i was 15 , and even though the type of writing i do on here is more of a hobby — i do take it srsly but i still wanna have fun ! + sorry in advance but i am a procrastinator/kind of a slow writer ..

𖤐 likes are appreciated , but (i learned recently) reblogs are better ! if u enjoy my work be sure to do both :p

໑ i never block anyone for no reason. if u find urself blocked & wanna know why or u can’t reach me , contact me here ! (my main @/anglism messages are for mutuals only! u are still free to send asks ofc)

info/rules for 𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐒 ! 🪽 —

𖤐 like i mentioned before , i am a slow writer. i can go for days at a time not writing (im trying to fix that) so keep that in mind when requesting. also , i may not write/create the thing you’re asking for. depending on a lot of things — if it interests me , if i don’t have time for it , etc. so please dont spam the same ask over and over again , or get upset with me. i am a human not a machine.

໑ i do/will age up characters , but only based on their canon birthdays. (ex : yuji was born in 2003 , so in a modern/future jjk au i would age him up.)

𖤐 my “y/n” (or reader) will usually be black coded & short , sometimes chubby as well bc that is what i most relate to ! i can try and keep it vague but im definitely (mostly) catering to my black girlies !

໑ what i will not write. —

amab/male reader , incest , necrophilia , r@pe , drugging , character x character , pegging , rim jobs , age regr. , ddlg , feet kinks , non-consenual recording , g@ng bangs , lactation/breast feeding , scat/piss kink , domestic abuse , pet play , mpreg , bestiality , eating disorders (an eating disorder page followed me a while ago & i dont fw that shit very specifically), master/slave , heavy bleeding/gore , suic*de.

𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐊𝐄𝐘/𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐗 — aka my tags !

★ ˙.໑ . — 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐦!

general tag for my main , every post (unless i forget) will have this.

★ ˙.໑ .🪽 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 — 📌 pinned!

you should only see this once, on my main pinned.

★ ˙.໑ .🪽 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 — 💌 fyp!

a reblog from my fyp specifically.

★ ˙.໑ .🏹 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 — { character name }

general tag for the specific character. (not always a written work, ex : my character boards.)

★ ˙.໑ .🏹 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 — { 💌 𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍—mail }

general tag for my responses to anonymous asks.

★ ˙.໑ .🏹 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 — { 💌 𝐌𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐀𝐋—mail }

general tag for my responses to my mutuals.

★ ˙.໑ .🏹 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 — { 💌 mail }

general tag for my responses to asks that are neither anonymous or from mutuals.

🕯️ ˙.໑ . 🪽— #𝐍𝐀𝐕𝐈 !

navigation for both my main & sideblog.

⌨️ ˙.໑ . 🪽— #𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐔𝐏𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐒 !

specifically for my updates/rambles that mention something my followers should know/be updated on.

🖋️ ˙.໑ . 🪽— #𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐒 !

specifically for a post that is a fic , oneshot , drabble , thirst. aka written by me !

🎐 ˙.໑ . 🪽— #𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐊𝐄𝐄𝐏𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 !

me talking .. :0

📸 ˙.໑ . 🪽— #𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐒

(lens) specifically for reblogged pictures , art , graphics , etc.

💌 ˙.໑ . 🪽— #𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐑𝐄𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐒

general tag for anything i reblog.

🐈‍⬛ — 𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐥 ∞

general tag for my sideblog.

— tags are subject to change/new additions.

thats it for now , but im sure as (if) my page grows things will be changed + added ! ⇒ masterlist. (link will be added when its complete.)

©eternangl under anglism. — GO BACK IF YOU DID NOT FULLY READ MY RULES. PLEASE & TY !

[kaleidoscopiccc]

What is your nickname?

bill gates. i hate it. i hate it so bad. never call me any nicknames ever.

When is your birthday?

nov 3! scorpio the secretive nature!

What was your longest relationship?

3 months......

What is your favorite book?

i wish i still read as much as i used to, last book i read was daisy jones and the six and that was pretty good

What is something you're insecure about?

my face shape, shoulders, side profile, etc etc etc

5 Male celebrity crushes

ew no im a lesbian. christian slater.

5 Female celebrity crushes

mia dawson, mia dawson, princess sasha victome, mia dawson, and sophia larosh

What is your dream job?

actor in all honesty, who doesnt wanna be on stage

What is a fact about you that nobody would believe?

What were your highs and lows for this last month?

high was arriving to turkey, low was having a mental breakdown on the plane back

Where is somewhere you'd like to visit?

nyc!

How do you de-stress?

pinterest + laufey or working on my dozens of cyclone projects i have going on at the same time

What are your favorite apps besides tumblr?

pinterest once again

Describe yourself in one sentence.

silly sort of weird nongirl gets oddly obsessed w mediocre pieces pf media

What do you think makes you attractive?

i would say im a solid 6.5, also i will infodump to you. basically im sort of pretty and have autism

What is something you're really good at?

memorization, no proper skill or hobby yet sadly, i do a bunch of things and im mediocre at all of them, the way god intended

What is something you're really bad at?

crochet, im trying my best though!

A time that you told a lie.

ive never told a lie ever

Who knows you the best?

me i would think, ive never known anyone as long as i have me, i spend a lot of time with me, me knows everything ive ever done, thought, or been through

What is your most prized possession?

yuma jane dolly and signed trinity playbill!

What is your longest friendship?

2ish years i think? i moved around a lot

When did you first feel like an adult?

the last time i felt like an adult was 9 years old

Do you/ Have you played any sports?

i did gymnastics for most of my childhood, then switched to karate (my greatest enemy in the whole world) in 5th gradeish

How are you feeling right now?

melancholic

Are you an early bird or a night owl?

night owl, please let me sleep in, i was busy looking at the moon and writing down everything i was possibly thinking last nightat 1, im tired

Do you believe in love at first sight?

im sure for some people it exists, it takes me personally a bit to fall for someone though

Favorite song lyrics right now?

wont make my mama proud, its gonna cause a scene, she sees her baby girl, i know shes gonna scream

What does self care look like for you?

sitting in bed w a candle lit enjoying my own company

Describe yourself with 3 singers.

laufey (sleepy) , chappell roan (camp), the crane wives (yearning)

What makes you nervous?

the future, everything about it

What’s a pet peeve you have?

loud people. shut up please. im overwhelmed.

What will always make you cry?

trinity theatre company its not a game/its just a ride

What kind of first impression do you think you make on people?

"that was odd"

Question Game

Are we tired of these yet?

What is your nickname?

When is your birthday?

What was your longest relationship?

What is your favorite book?

What is something you're insecure about?

5 Male celebrity crushes

5 Female celebrity crushes

What is your dream job?

What do you consider your biggest accomplishment?

What is a fact about you that nobody would believe?

What were your highs and lows for this last month?

Where is somewhere you'd like to visit?

How do you de-stress?

What are your favorite apps besides tumblr?

Describe yourself in one sentence.

What do you think makes you attractive?

What is something you're really good at?

What is something you're really bad at?

A time that you told a lie.

What's a totally random and useless fact that you know?

Who knows you the best?

What is your most prized possession?

What is your longest friendship?

When did you first feel like an adult?

Do you/ Have you played any sports?

How are you feeling right now?

Are you an early bird or a night owl?

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Favorite song lyrics right now?

What does self care look like for you?

Describe yourself with 3 singers.

What makes you nervous?

What’s a pet peeve you have?

What will always make you cry?

What kind of first impression do you think you make on people?

Free Pass! (Ask any question you want that's not on the list)

[cringe-time]

I am so fucking fed up with everything. I wish I never went to school for art cuz now I have an art degree and every single job I find is looking for someone for a senior position, or something for motion graphic design, which I’m terrible at and hate. No one is looking for illustrators cuz they can just use ai for free, no one is looking for entry level animators, and the thing is I HATE practicing animation. I wish I chose a degree that didn’t involve so much self motivated work cuz I am the least self motivated person in the world. I might be able to practice animation if it wasn’t to the end of “so I can move out and pay rent and retire someday”, KNOWING that even if I was a half decent animator there would have to be a miracle to get a job that would pay enough for all that. It all just feels so pointless. And it doesn’t help that every single job description involves “working in a fast paced environment with tight deadlines” and “able to work on multiple projects at once”, which sounds like recruiter slang for “we’re gonna overload you with work for barely any pay”. I don’t like art enough to work harder to get better to MAYBE, if I’m lucky, get a job that breaks my back with work making nothing. My mom is always telling me that I need to work hard now and do everything I can now to get a job in art but the thing is I DONT WANT TO. It seems like no matter what job I get in art I’ll hate it cuz they’re gonna overload me with work I’m bad at, and I’m not even gonna get paid enough to live, assuming they don’t fire me and replace me with ai. She’s an accountant and I was considering going back to school for accounting so I think she’s trying to make sure I don’t follow in her footsteps and get a stressful soul crushing job, but for me that’s what pretty much any art job is gonna be too, so I’d rather get one that ensures I’ll be able to move out, afford rent and groceries, and retire.

And every time I try to look for art jobs I get so overwhelmed and stressed I always end up crying, without fail. So I don’t think that’s a good sign. I’m not good at researching so it’s hard to find jobs to apply for, I’m not good at lying so it’s hard to write resumes and cover letters saying “working in animation is my passion and im great at it”, I’m only ok at animating cuz it feels so pointless to practice when I hate it, and I’m barely improving, and you need to be the best of the best to get a job.

I think my mom has a point that a normal 9-5 is hell cuz you don’t have any free time, but I really don’t know what else to do. I don’t think I’d mind being a janitor but janitors don’t get paid a living wage. I’m not an ambitious person, and I wanna say I wish someone told me you kinda need to be ambitious and self motivated to be an artist, but they DID. AND I DIDNT LISTEN. I literally said “whatever, I’ll figure it out.” cuz I didn’t wanna think about what else I could do cuz I couldn’t think of a single other thing. I wish it wasn’t expected to decide what you wanna do for the rest of your life at 17. I wish there was a job that existed that both would pay me enough to live comfortably and not be hell on earth. I wish I didn’t need to get a job at all. I wish I could just turn off the part of my brain that cares about fun and comfort so I could just force myself to work. I don’t wanna put together a demo reel, I don’t wanna write a different resume and cover letter for every application, I don’t wanna prove what I can/can’t do to every recruiter. I just wanna say “I have the qualifications, I can do accounting, hire me please”.

And im terrified that if i do go back to school for something else like environmental science or accounting that it’ll be the same thing all over again, where I realize I hate it but I don’t know what else to do, so I just drift along, graduate, and end up stuck cuz finding a decent job in that field is impossible if you don’t care that much and can’t force yourself to spend all day applying to stuff you hate hoping you don’t hear back from them every day all the time. I just don’t know what to do

[jayflrt]

OMG WHAT ?? 😡 I cant believe tumblr deleted my ask from you :( that’s so rude !! thank goodness I sent in another one ! ^_^

I’m doing very well, n’ tysm !! n’ small update; I’ve been well, I actually just finished my classes so I’m officially on summer break !! >.< I have so much time on my hands I just don’t know what to do ! wbu ?? how’ve you been ml ! 🫶🏼 AWE TYY !! I managed to get sm inspo and have 3.5k words ! I have to continue writing later today ! >.<

OMG YOU SHOULD !! Im glad you’re getting motivation again ! hopefully you can write something soon !! I’m rooting for you !! 🤧 I’m sure whatever you come up with is going to be amazing esp since you have free time !! ^_^ 🎉 oh yes !! so, it’s called “fanfics and the boy next door” it’s not finished yet sadly cause I was super preoccupied with school ! but now that I’m also free lol I get to hopefully finish it soon !! ^_^

YES I DID OML !! IT WAS LITERALLY THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE 🤧 I miss her sm it was literally insane !! 🤧 n’ TYYY !! It was a surprise from my sis, my sisters and I went together !! It was all vv fun !! oml, I saw that ! resale prices went up to like 3k, it was like so crazy ! 💜 THAT REMINDS ME ! so, once it got to the rep era of the concert the whole stadium was literally SHAKING ! and I mean SHAKING !! it was scary but honestly so much fun LMAOO 😭

OMG YAY THATS SO EXCITING !! 💗 have you found a job that you’re interested in yet or do you know what you want to work as !! 🫶🏼 ooo that sounds nice !! I hope you enjoy your trips n’ pls make sure to be careful !! <33 AWE :( maybe you guys can meet up whenever you can ? even though college is over that doesn’t mean you have to stop being friends !! ^_^ 🫶🏼🥹

hm ! well, I don’t have any plans sadly lol !! I’m thinking of maybe focusing on writing and editing this summer !! I am supposedly going to the beach next Saturday though ! so that’s something to do ! 😅😭 but I guess we’ll see what happens !! 😭🫶🏼 how’s your day been so far ?? anything fun happen ?

(cont.) OMG ALSO !! tysm for liking my theme 🤧🫶🏼 I forgot to thank u for the compliment lol !! your theme tho > it’s so iconic and I will forever love it 🥹

I KNOW I WAS SO UPSET WHEN I TRIED TO POST IT AND THE RED LINE SHOWED UP <//3 AND IT WOULDNT EVEN LET ME RETRY POSTING IT LIKE WTHHH TUMBLR

also im so glad you're doing well !!! and congrats on finishing exams and i hope you're enjoying your summer break to its fullest !! 🥰💖 maybe you can take up a hobby :o like crocheting HAHAH learn how to crochet with me 😌 i was making a shirt and it turned out rlly cute actually :') OMG YAYYY i hope the writing's going well >:)) 3.5k phewwww i see you 😮‍💨 and i've been doing good !! school definitely burnt me out this year so the break is nice HAHAH but getting back to work omg.... i was so tired all the time last summer so we'll see how it goes LOL

omg do you think you're gonna finish the fic soon?? :o i hope it goes well !! ALSO IM GLAD YOU HAD FUN AT THE CONCERT did you like "speak now"? 💘 i am not a swiftie but my friends really liked it :')) OHH YEAH REPUTATION IS A TOP TIER ALBUM im sure it must've been insane to see live !!

there are a few roles im interested in but im also telling myself i need to work my way up to higher positions since they're more mid-senior level positions 🥲 i will be all good tho !! 😌 job hunting SUCKS i hate when entry level positions require years of experience like girl that's not entry level anymore HAHAH also yes!! i think we will be fine since we all live relatively close ,, it's just gonna be so nostalgic thinking back to when i was free to do whatever in college LOL

ooo that sounds fun !! 🥰 i hope you had a good time at the beach <33 my day's been pretty slow ngl 😩 yesterday i went to my friend's party and then tomorrow i think im going to a movie with a few friends but we'll see 🥲 today tho i have been watching gose throughout the day at random HAHAH

[desmond69miles]

auahaagg i saw you write for big mouth and i’m here now to give you a request…

if you write nsfw for big mouth, could you do nsfw headcanons of judd being a hard dom with a sub/fem!reader?

thank you in advance!

im gonna do sex on a laddyyyy and the ladys gonna do sex on meeee

hello anon! thank you for a big mouth request <33 and the first one for BM too! if you want to request anything from BM, I only write smut for characters above 18, so I will not write anything NSFW for andrew, nick, or any other characters.

I also find this funny because I wrote this while my health science teacher was talking about sex haha

warnings: nsfw headcanons (ofc), knife play, this is not vanilla, HOLY SHIT I SPELT VINALLA RIGHT, hate fuck??, d/s, fem! reader, CNC.

by clicking read more you consent to anything and everything in the warnings

-judd would not be a virgin. he 100% lost his virginity right out the womb HHAHA. but saying he’s not a virgin would make him a cherry popper, change my mind. i know for a fact this man has a weird obsession with taking your virginity and making sure he’s the only one who does. 

-omg would fuck you in his t-shirt because he hates when you wear it.

-hard. core. kinks. does smoking count? because you guys will get high and/or smoke while having sex, preferably, while your on your knees and hands while he gently (or not so gently) pushes into your warm cunt. knife play, breath play, iceplay, bondage, CNC. nothing is better to him than having a hand around your neck while he presses a knife to your stomach, gently tracing circles with the tip of the knife; or playing around with some CNC. judd is dark, and I mean d-a-r-k. he probably enjoys a fantasy of drugging your drink/food, watching you fall unconscious next to him, Judd then tying you up on his bed and cutting your clothes off and watching you until you wake up. (with consent, that's the whole idea of CNC)

-face fucking!!!! he’ll have you on your knees, or your head hanging off the back of his bed while he fucks your mouth. he would keep going until your face and throat are numb, fingernails causing little crescents in his hips. he much prefers to receive rather than give, but he’s not opposed to doing 69, or going down on you if you asked nice enough. (aka begged until you were thoroughly embarrassed with yourself.)

-did judd have a bad day? is judd jealous? did you do something to piss him off? he’s 100% a hard dom and would slap you around/manhandle you during sex.

- early morning quickies before your job in the back of his van. (let's be honest, if your dating judd, your probably skipping school.) saying you were on birth control, he’d probably cum inside and make you sit in it for the rest of the day. (please don’t do this tinkle after you sex)

-don’t try to dom him, it aint gonna work. it’ll be a cold day in hell before judd birch becomes a sub. and, no pegging. sorry my ladies and lads.

-OK OK he’ll throw around orders without too much care, telling you exactly how he wants his dick sucked, to speed up or slow down, to get on his lap. and he’s so blunt about it too, like he’s been doing it since he was three. 

-low/deep groans. those sounds can turn blake Sheldon gay. 

-his degradation skills are dangerous. it’s pretty rare, but sometimes he’ll throw i a small praise at the end of a degradation sentence. “your such a slut, whining from something so little? my good little whore.” D56FYG7UHIJ

-his favorite is when he can make you cry from pleasure. that's when he knows he did a good job, that and when you can’t walk the next day. 

-SADISM. he’s such a big sadist, and you better be a masochist. he loves, loves LOVES to scratch/bite, or slap you. he also finds it accomplishing when you leave scratch marks down his back. it lowkey freaked diane out when she saw all the marks and bruises, but understood it was just rough play once she saw the same marks on judd. 

-also big on somnophilia? something about watching you sleep so peacefully stirs his dick. maybe its the fact your so helpless? he just loves watching your sleepy breath pick up as he runs his fingers over your folds. 

-and then to wrap things up, his aftercare game is ass. most he’ll do is throw his shirt at you and then watch a movie with you. sometimes he’ll shower with you, but then it turns to shower sex. haha.

PLEASE send more bm requests I love writing for it

vergilsladyfriend 2022. do not repost without permission. reblogs are appreciated!

[miekasa]

Mie, I’m begging for some Jean college au bf hcs - im literally so down bad for this man and the way you write men is just 🤌🏻🤌🏻🤌🏻

Absolutely, not a problem 😌 I saved this ask as a draft a while ago when you sent it, sorry for just now getting to it. Anyway, I love Jean with my whole heart, best boy, best boyfriend <33

King of forehead kisses, and not even just because of his height in comparison to yours; he just likes it. He likes the feeling of pressing his lips against your skin, and making you feel safe.

Brings you tea or coffee however you like it every day without fail. If he can get it to you in the morning before work/school then he’ll do that, if not he’ll meet you some time in the middle of the day to drop it off. Your own personal courier just for drinks.

He… has a thing for long(er) nails. He loves the feeling of them against his skin, even if you’re not scratching to apply pressure—just you holding his hand them grazing his skin is enough for him.

That being said, he will pay for you to get your nails done. Actually, he’ll pay for… almost anything you want, but the nails benefit him as much as they do you so feel free to ball out.

He never blowdries his hair because he doesn’t... know how to do the back of it. You did it for him once and he hasn’t stopped thinking about it since, but he’s also too embarrassed to ask you to do/style it again.

On the subject of hair, he does do his best to style it and take care of it, but he’s a sucker whenever you play with it. Sometimes he feigns like you’re messing up all his hard work, but he’ll literally crane his head into your touch. He loves it. 

The first time he lays on top of you and you run your hands through his hair... top 10 most euphoric moments of his life. He tries to fight off the sleep threatening to take over him, but it’s futile. Give it 15 minutes at most before he’s knocked out like a baby. 

Dogs love him. Anytime you’re in a park or just taking a walk and there’s a dog around, it’ll come up to him and he looks adorable leaning down to pet it. He loves dogs, too! So he’s always happy to stop and pet them. He’d be a 10/10 dog dad. 

Has your name saved in his phone with two hearts at the end. Do not point it out.

Loves taking pictures together and if you guys are on a date, he’ll ask someone to get a picture for him. He just likes having them to look back on (and to send to his mom, later).

He doesn’t mind painting classes or videos or tutorials, but he hates paint by numbers kits. He claims that they have no sense of color theory and that it takes the originality and fun out of painting. Not to mention the quality of the paints isn’t great to begin with; all of which he takes very seriously.

It’s pretty cute actually, to see him get worked up over the paint kits. He claims that painting and drawing isn’t even something he takes “that seriously,” it’s just a hobby for him (one he’s insanely good at); but in moments like these, you can tell that he’s way more into art and art theory and history than he lets on. 

Huge movie guy, from animated movies to martial arts movies, Jean is usually willingly to give anything a watch at least once. When he’s high, he can go on about his favorite directors and art styles and movie details for hours if you don’t stop him. It’s super cute. Just don’t bring up Moana, because he’ll start crying. 

Arm around the shoulder kind of boyfriend for sure. It’s a casual way of keeping you near him and letting everyone know that you guys are together. Plus it allows for him to easily pull you into him for a quick forehead kiss when needed.

Listen. If you hug his arm, he’s on cloud nine. He tries to be nonchalant about it but he’s about three seconds away from his eyes rolling back in his head it feels that good to him. Bonus if you lean your head on his bicep a little—then he’s a goner.

He takes his bagels very seriously and believes that both you and him deserve nothing but the best quality bagels. He’ll grumble if a bakery gives you guys a less than favorable one and make a note that taking the long route to get to his favorite place is much more worth it.

Always makes you walk on the side furthest from the cars. If he notices you’re not, he’ll just shuffle behind you until he’s shouldering the street and you’re on the inside. 

He grew up on a kind of modern ranch situation; not exactly all the way in the countryside, but not isolate from the city, either. Because of this, he knows how to ride horses, take care of smaller farm animals, tend to plants, and yes he knows how to use a lasso. You wouldn’t know any of that though, because he never ever talks about it. The only way you find out is when he takes you to visit his mom’s house for the first time, and she asks him for a hand around the place. 

(He’s got a cowboy hat, too, but refuses to put it on. He got it when he was, like, nine, okay, leave him alone). 

When he thinks you look tired, he’ll wrap his arms around your shoulders to hug you. It’s usually followed up with a kiss to your head, and a promise that you guys will go home soon and get food on the way. 

He’s a really good cook. He just understands and flavors and pairings really well, so he doesn’t need a recipe to make something that tastes good; he just kind of knows what to add to get the balance he’s looking for. 

Naturally, he’ll cook for you. Especially if he finds out that you haven’t eaten all day/in a long time. He doesn’t care if it’s 11pm and it might seem excessive to make steak and potatoes with a side salad at this hour, he’s gonna do it to make sure you eat, and you are going to sit there and watch. 

He also bakes pretty well, though he isn’t as experimental with his baking as he is with his cooking. He usually sticks to what he knows, and it’s not cupcakes and brownies and cakes; he’s better at croissants, and cheesecakes, and canelés. 

Dating Jean means getting along with his friends. If you guys didn’t know each other before you started dating, be prepared to be ambushed by Connie and Sasha (after Jean stops hiding you away and gives them the green light lmfao). Neither of them waste time with the small talk and formalities; straight into mini golfing and beer pong. They make you feel welcome right away.

Sasha always teases that you’re too good for Jean, and that she might just steal you away for herself some day. Sasha is also Jean’s main confidant, so she really knows just how much he loves you, and yeah, she teases him for being lovesick, but really she’s happy for Jean. And proud of him for facing his feelings like this. 

Connie adores you, and you know he trusts you when he starts going to you for advice/help. Could be anything from schoolwork, to what color he should get his new shoes in. He’s also the one who, surprisingly, you have the sentimental talks with about your relationship with Jean. It’s easy to overlook, but Connie loves Jean, and he’s come to love you too; he just wants you both to be happy, so he’s there to listen when you need it. 

Jean waits outside of your classroom after you’ve had a test or presentation, usually with a drink or a snack, or the promise of taking you out as a treat. Always tells you he’s proud of you, and is there to comfort you if you think you didn’t do too well. 

He does not shut up about whatever major you’re in. It could be the same as his; it could be the complete opposite as his. He thinks it’s so sick that you’re doing it, you make it look cooler, you make it look better, and he’s certain you’re the smartest person in your program. 

He’s pretty serious about his studies, too, so he’s always down to study with you in the library whenever you’re both free. More often than not, he shows up after you, usually with food or extra chargers. He greets you with a kiss on the forehead, and asks you how you are while massaging your shoulders gently. If it’s been a while since you took a break, that’s the first item on the list, after that, he gets to work and stays with you until you’re ready to go, even if he doesn’t have as much work to do. 

He always sits across from you. This goes for when you’re in the library, or out to eat at a restaurant; Jean loves sitting across from you. He gets to see your face the best that way, and he adores looking into your eyes when you talk. 

He’s not... not a morning person. He’s not up at 6am ready to grind, but he wakes up before noon; let’s say 10am is his happy medium. That being said, if you wake up before him, regardless of the time, there’s a 9/10 chance he’ll lay on your back and tell you to hush so you guys can sleep for 10 more minutes. 

If you’re (close) friends with Eren, Mikasa, and Armin, Jean is... happy you’ve got people to rely on, but, “Of all people on the planet, you put your trust in Jaeger?” He acts so bitter (because he is), but deep down inside, he’s glad you have Eren to rely on if you need to. 

(Also, you have to humble him and remind him that he and Eren aren’t all that different. If you like him, why wouldn’t you get along with Eren, bye). 

Turns out though, that it’s not Eren who threatens to beat him up if he breaks your heart. It’s not even Mikasa, although, her threat goes without saying; it’s Armin he’s terrified of.

The last time Armin hated someone, it was this guy in your program, who happened to share a few mutual classes with him, too. Jean never knew the full story, just that he’s pretty sure that kid dropped out the following semester. 

If you have a job on campus, Jean usually doesn’t show up while you’re working (knowing how embarrassed he would be if you did that to him), unless you work the night shift and it’s dead. Connie, however, does show up; usually in some kind of crisis (“Please help me, I don’t know what the fuck APA formatting is and this is due tonight, please, please, please!!”). Your coworkers actually thought Connie was your boyfriend for a minute. That’s when Jean starts showing up more lmfao.

He makes it a point to go on a scheduled, night out, kind of date at least twice a month. He knows life gets busy with school and work and midterms, but he always makes sure you both set side a time to take a well-deserved break and be with each other. 

He’s the romantic type, so these dates are pretty swoon worthy, too. Drive-in movies, nice dinners, classy art exhibits, Jean plans it all. On that note, he really likes planning dates; he just doesn’t like talking about them with his friends beforehand. 

All in all, very romantic, very precious boyfriend. He’s always thinking about you, what you need, and how he can help you out. You’re one of his main priorities, and he just wants to treat you right.