#pretty happy about that it only took like 80 pity

[theyluvlyss]

Can I request if you can Hcs of all the ghost boys + Finney being in love ? ( Feel free to not add Finney since you wrote something similar before )

Xoxo 💋

𝐨𝐟𝐜 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧😌...

it's what I'm here for🫡♡. I really like the idea of writing about them being in love/having a crush rather than being with reader right off the bat !! very cool and unique idea (imo), and it definitely harbors that little difference in feelings/slight nuances that I'm very happy to expand on !

although it took me a bit, I've actually gotten most of the boys done already, and that's around when I gained the bright idea to just ... instead of making you wait, I remembered there's this thing called free-will, and I can quite literally post whatever and whenever I want lol😆 ...

meaning I can just post each boy for you one at a time as I finish them instead of waiting until they're all done and then making one long post :D !

on that note, here's finney's hehe...

𝐄𝐚𝐬𝐲 𝐎𝐧 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬

《 ♡ 》 headcannons

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 :

while it's always fun to imagine (haha, get it💀) what it'd be like for him to be your best friend or your boyfriend, there's times when you yearn for that tension. that something in between that's more than a platonic relationship, but just short of being a lover. and I'm here to revive that feeling of what it'd be like for finney blake to have a crush on you...

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 :

fem!reader x finney blake - she/her/hers pronouns!

𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐞 :

70s-80s - the grabber doesn't exist

𝐓𝐖/𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 :

cursing, as usual - small mentions of anxiety/nerves - finney being super cute lol - overall super duper fluffy and pretty much everything the prompt describes lmao.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ...𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────

I know you said I didn't have to do him since I already have, but *adds that mf in anyway because he deserves round two of some lovins😆🫧💙🪩*.

Finney liking somebody/finding someone attractive is usually a dead-end deal. He keeps it to himself - buried deep down within the depths of his gentle soul, never to breach the light of day, because he knows good and well that even if it did arise, all it would lead to is rejection and - if he's extra unlucky - a teasing+beat-down combo attack from some known bullies of his (should they find out or be witness to these nonexistent attempts of confession).

A little depressing, I know, but bffr ... if you were Finney, would you do anything different🤨?

Althoughhhh....

Him having a crush on you, specifically, is very,,, confusing. Think of when you have a crush in real life, but you actually have a little bit more of a chance with them than usual. It's realistic. There's a sliver of hope. A light down in the depths of that depressing darkness.

It's like that.

And dare I say, he's fairly obvious about his liking towards you, but only if you're paying close attention.

If you're in a totally different clique, especially a popular one, just kind of in your own little bubble (which might as well be a whole new world to him), then the chances of you noticing/realizing his infatuation with you is very slim. Even in Finney's own case, he'd view you way out of his league, no chance whatsoever, so don't expect him to make any moves of any kind.

And on top of that (as I mentioned first thing), he'd do his damn best to not let ANYONE find out, ESPECIALLY Robin, Gwen, or Bruce, because the last thing he wants is for them to get overconfident on his behalf and try to set y'all up. What if you reject him?

Or worse, what if you end up liking Robin or Bruce instead of him? He wouldn't be able to take it. And lord knows he keeps his crush hidden from his bullies for highly good reasons. An even worse scenario in his mind than the last one is if they publicly teased him (or the both of you) about it, made a mockery of his feelings for you to witness and either join in or pity him - neither an outcome his ego and self-esteem were built to handle.

Now, the opposite - actually knowing him and/or being his friend - the case would probably still remain the same with only slight differences. He'd still find you out of his league, probably wouldn't make any bold moves. But, being his friend, closer to you, a little more comfortable around you, there may be times where he'd make the SLIGHTEST of nods to MAYBE, POSSIBLY liking you in a romantic fashion. JUST A LITTLE BIT.

BUT, he'd also be so worried and absorbed in his own head about all the different little things - am I impressing her? am I making her uncomfy? Does she already know? Does she not know and thinks I'm weird? Did she already think I was weird before I did that thing? Did she even catch onto that thing I did? Is she ignoring it? Is she ignoring me? Oh my god, she fucking hates me - that he lowkey wouldn't even consider the fact that you've been making more obvious moves on him this whole time.

He would probably end up liking you because of something you said or did. Like, depending on the situation, you said/did something that really resonated with him, or he found himself thinking about a lot. Which would then lead to him thinking about you a lot, and it's a spiral from there. Or, if already friends, it's probably something you did/said that had him now seeing you a new/different light, which, again, spirals from there.

Should anyone that's not you uncover the feelings he harbors, he's so the type to deny it. Gwen could be studying your behavior and body language up and down, and then report back to Finney with WRITTEN, PICTURE, PHYSICAL FUCKING EVIDENCE of you liking him/reciprocating the crush, and Finney would just be like, "...Nahhhh, you're just delusional, she wouldn't even notice if I disappeared the next day." And Gwen would just be like, "This bitch here😐..."

Either way tho, what I meant way earlier by "confusing" is that his version of (just barely) letting you know he likes you romantically is him just being,,, himself/friendly but a little bit more than usual LMFAO. Like, if y'all are friends and he always walked you to and from school, what he would do to further insinuate that he 💙likes💙 you is to just,,, walk you everywhere else🥴💀. Essentially be your moral support wherever you go lmfao.

Or like, besides doing stuff he really doesn't need to do that confuses you, he'd do things that kinda give the OPPOSITE of, "I'm literally in love with you." Avoid/not talk to you, avoid eye contact, stuff that just leaves you like, "...I don't think he wants to be my friend anymore🥲💔." LIKE BOY-!😭

But it's not intentional. It's just his nerves and doubts getting the better of him, y'know? Overthinkin, which leads to overreacting, etcetc., you know how it goes/what that's like lol.

So yeah, basic point, if the feelings aren't already made VERY CLEAR from the jump, don't expect things to get any clearer😻.

BUT, if after a while should he either gain a little more confidence (prolly from Robin) or you grow a pair and make the first bold move yourself (which would confirm it for him to be more comfy getting bolder himself as well), I feel like he'd still remain a little shy and mildly confusing, but very berry cute nonetheless.

I'm telling you, he'd put those crafting skills to work, hon👏🏽!! Just any chance he gets/has to either make you something or just impress you with something he's made, he's putting 1000% percent into it. I'm talking he's going broke, losing sleep, practicing what he's gonna say and how he says it - it's all going into whatever little (or big??) craft he knows you're going to see/he's gifting to you.

He'd also compliment you a lot, along with being more himself, which HELLO, he's so silly when he wants to be. I feel like he'd have you laughing a lot without exactly meaning/trying to, but HE'D FS CHERISH THAT like,,, every time he'd make you laugh, he'd just feel like he was on cloud nine - 'I made her laugh, I did that, me, she thinks I'm funny, she likes me, she's literally in love with me like I am her, otherwise she wouldn't be laughing so hard-'

...😃...Yeah, he takes what he can get and RUNS with it (which is why I think he'd love and is in need of lots of reassuring, plz take care of my baby😭🙏🏽).

On the topic of such, actually, it's kinda funny because it doesn't really affect his envy levels.

I don't think he'd get all that jealous if he saw you with other ppl; it would just be the thing of like,,, "That's what I get for getting my hopes up."/"It could be worse ngl." lmao which is sad on one hand but kind of mature on the other, yk?

Mature that'd he'd just leave it alone, not be pushy. But sad because wdym you think you're not worthy of some love/what you want out of life :( ? Luckily for him, though, I don't think he's able to hide disappointment/sadness very well.

Not that he's going around telling people, but he's just one of those "face/tone of voice says it all" kind of guys. So, depending on your thought process and if you can put two and two together, you're quick to squash any doubts of you being interested in someone else romantically.

"I'm not really into *state another persons features lol idk*. Not my type of guy..." which may or may not be you trying to guide him into asking your type, and he may or may not take the bait🤭.

No, but seriously, he literally may or may not catch on. There's definitely been a few times where he's missed the social cue, and on the inside, you're just like "😔🙄..."

He gets SUPPPPER flattered if/when you get jealous, tho. Like, I'd imagine it's a pretty rare occurrence (surprisingly to you, don't nobody be hitting on Finney Blake, okay💀✋🏽), but when it does happen, you're very quick to make it known you're hardcore crushing and liked him first, even going as far as to make it appear as if he's already taken.

You're hanging off of his arm more than usual or playing with his hand to keep him from fidgeting, you're staring at him with such a strong look of love-sickness in your eyes that might even cause the other girl to throw up, and should she even get as far as asking him out...? Oh boy...

"Actually, Finn, we were gonna hang out today, weren't we? I wanted to help you paint that rocket you're working on, I have the perfect colors in mind already...!"

"You...You do?"

"Yes, I do😃😐."

And the other girl just has to be like, "...I'll um,,,, Nevermind, Finney, I'll see you around."

"Maybe...!" You'll call after her cheekily, smile growing wider and wider as she trails away with Finney yet to even process the entire interaction at all. And while he might not catch on right away, the second he does, he's BEET red💀😭.

He doesn't know whether to admit he's smitten by your hostility or to let you know you don't have to be😭✋🏽. And more often than not, he'll opt for saying nothing at all, smiling to himself all shy while you're back to normal, talking as if you hadn't thwarted off a foe.

Confessing... That's not fucking happening, ever at all💀. And if he did, it would be on his death bed (I'm joking). But srsly, if he can avoid it for as long as possible, he will. The type to tell you on the last day of school, I'm talking GRADUATION DAY, right as one of y'all are leaving FOREVER, on some "I've always liked you..." type shit, and you would just have to be like, "WHYDIDYOUWAITSOLONGWHATTHEFUCK😭💔💔‼️‼️" Which is why I think it'd truly be up to you to confess (hopefully) way sooner😭💀✋🏽.

And if/when you did, he'd probably forget how to,,, exist lmao. Like, one of those moments where the information has to process in his head so he's just standing there looking at you like, "🧍🏻‍♂️:0" for a second before he's like, "o-OH!...I...I like you, too! And I have for- I mean... Like, it's been long. A long time. I've liked you a long time :D."

YOU KNOW WHAT?? If he felt he, himself, absolutely had to confess, he'd write you something. He's not Shakespeare or anything, but it would be much easier and less nerve-wracking for him to just write it all down. He'd hand it to you in person, apologize for the length of the letter that YOU HAVEN'T EVEN OPENED YET😭, and then practically teleport from the scene because he doesn't even wanna stay for your reaction. The fear of rejection is genuinely too much for him.

He'd be better off never hearing from you again if you didn't like him back rather than have you tell him to his face. ALSO, he'd give it to you in private. Wouldn't want to put you or himself on the spot, nor would he want to risk somebody catching him or you with the paper that has him pouring his heart out to you on it.

But, of course (because why else would you be reading this if you weren't expecting The Good Ending™), you're confused while opening and reading it until those feelings gradually begin to swell into a mixture of flatter, adoration, and just flat out love because not only had he FINALLY confessed to you...

But you had found it to be written quite beautifully, and it was overall the cutest thing that had ever happened to you, so now you have to return the favor - scribbling your response in some colorful pen color on the back of his own confession note, doodled with hearts and squiggly lines and all of that nonsense, leaving it in his locker - and letting the events take off from there.

Letting the relationship blossom from there🫧🥹🪩💙✨️.

𝐈 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲𝐞𝐝 !!

ik I say this literally every time I post something, but I really loved writing this, and it's because I LOVE WRITING; I love doing this shit, idcidc✋🏽😭✋🏽. if I could make a living off of this, I would, and I love seeing your guys' requests every day and reading through them over and over again.

and guys, let me tell ya', there isn't a better feeling in the world than completing and posting one, because whew...!! it's like having an endless supply of inspiration fr, I love it.

anyways, robin's will be posted soon after this one, so be on the lookout🫡😼 !!

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ...𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ...𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 :

@in3rci4

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 :

2,103 words

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐬 :

none :(

[mikuni14]

Century of Love - Ep 7

Wow, what an episode, WOW! I'll be honest, I was actually pretty worried about this episode for one reason and one reason only: that San would be confused, lost, and worst of all: torn between Vee and New Wat. You have no idea how relieved I am that San was 100% with Vee the whole time. Even the scene of him comforting Wat at the beginning, I took it as his natural protective and comforting instincts kicking in, rather than him "connecting" with New Wat.

San was of course confused and worried about this whole mess, which is absolutely understandable, but not enough to overshadow his feelings - he was sure of them. That's the best thing ever 💯

Why I love this episode:

I cried for about 80% of the time

Neither San nor Vee did anything stupid, weird, unpleasant that would affect how much I like them (and I was really afraid of it ngl)

San didn't give in to pressure from Vee, family, Wat, the stone or FATE. I really liked the scene at the beginning when Vee runs away, begs him to let him go, pulls away, and San holds him tight, doesn't let go, doesn't give up. Likewise, after Vee's confession, he still goes to him, he's still open to Vee and if it weren't for his weakness and fainting, he would definitely go after him again

I really liked how he treats Juu, how he apologized to her for causing her problems and stress

I like that San quickly gets his shit together, makes decisions quickly without wallowing in self-pity, constant pondering, questioning and indecisiveness

I like the portrayal of Vee's absolute despair and frenzy related to his grandmother's condition. That's actually rare. Also, how he makes bad decisions under the influence of that despair. I like that he repeats the actions of the equally desperate, scared and mourning San from 100 years ago

I like the classic juxtaposition from fairy tales: true love is sincere, noble, ready to make sacrifices "I'd rather leave/die, as long as my beloved lives", juxtaposed with fake love that slanders, undermines trust, ingratiates itself, fights dirty. It's also interesting that San paid so much attention to Wat's nobility and kindness and how he judged Vee when he met him, and yet his heart chooses a noble person again - Vee, even if his eyes see someone with Wat's face. Classic 🤩

of course I love that San does what I've been saying from the beginning: he chooses Vee as Vee and even said it himself! San chose Vee even when put in front of someone who looks like Wat and has her memories. San makes a free choice, he falls in love with a specific person. Once it was Wat, now it's Vee.

I also love the protectiveness shown in this episode: San is protective of Vee and his family, Vee is protective of San and his grandmother, San's family is protective of him and Vee (that's why his "betrayal" hurt them so much), Ton and Trai are protective of Vee…

The whole truth about San's feelings was shown in his reaction when the stone lit up for Vee, and when it lit up for New/Fake Wat. And how he reacts physically to Vee and Wat, sometimes even in the same scene (like pushing her away and being gentle with Vee). You can't fake that. Also, after seeing Wat after 100 years of waiting, the first thing San did was go to Vee and hug him 🥺 He kept asking him to stay, he held him in his sleep, as if he was afraid he would leave..

I just... I love them so much. For all the emotions they give me, for how wonderful and human they are. For how much they love each other and how much they are willing to do for each other.

"I don't want San to die as well. Even though I won't be with him. But I will see him live his life. Be happy with the person he loves. This is enough?" "So a person like me would love him? A bad person like me?" 💔 "I LOVE VEE FOR VEE"

[sagau-my-beloved]

Hah, imagine having Qiqi

(Source: AR 60 for months and still Qiqi-less)

I got her and was all "Oh ok, I'll definitely use her" and then never did

I look upon my few 5 stars and forget she's even among them

However I only use like 4 character in-game and never switch them out, they're my main fighting team, my exploration team, all of it, so I often forget I have a lot of character—

Idk if you want a Qiqi but if you do I'm wishing you luck on your Qiqi quest, may you gain as many Qiqis as all the people who really hate getting Qiqis, and if you don't want Qiqis may you remain forever zombie-childless

[pianostarinwonderland]

SSR Tierlist [Part 1]

Made an SSR tierlist showcasing what is essentially my gacha history over here 😋 It’s part 1 because I made another tier list and might make a separate post about that other tier list. Note that these are all the SSRs from the JP version.

I like explaining my reasons since I enjoy sharing my thoughts, but it’s going to be pretty long. 😅 I made this in mind with both my gacha history and my perceptions on their usefulness in tests/exams.

Red Tier: Pretty much everyone in this tier came home in 50 pulls or less.

I rolled for Dorm Riddle on his very first banner back in March 2020, and I don’t fully remember how many rolls I threw at him, but I think it was somewhere around 11-14 rolls, which isn’t that bad. Birthday Riddle came home in 30 pulls!

Beans Azul is kind of a special case in the sense that I couldn’t get him in his first banner run, but in fairness, I could only afford throwing 14 rolls at him. 😂 But in the second run, he came home on the 39th roll, which is still really nice! Funny story, back then, I wasn’t an Azul stan, so I didn’t want to get him, but the groovy had me weak on the knees. 😩

Birthday Azul came home on the 46th pull. Then I went to pity for him and got two more copies then had the urge to throw a few more rolls since I could afford it and got a fourth copy. Eventually, I managed to limit break him to Lv.100 and he stands as my only Lv.100 SSR. 😂 Union Azul came home on the 50th roll exactly. I went to pity for him and got one more copy.

Dorm Floyd is the kindest one here. He came home in 8 rolls. 😭

Dorm Trey and Ortho are special in that I rolled for them during the 1st and 2nd anniversaries respectively. Trey is the exception because he came home in 80 ish pulls. The thing is, I planned to get him using the SSR key, so when I got him before getting the SSR key, I was pleasantly surprised. That’s why I’m placing him in this category. 😂 Ortho, on the other hand, came home in the first ten roll I threw when beginning my 2nd anniv rolls, and I really wanted him. 🥺

Orange Tier: Basically, the cards that I didn’t plan to pull, but it turned out that I use them a lot because they’re super useful in tests. 😭

Dorm Cater came home to me when I hit pity on the first Ghost Marriage banner. 😂 I was really hoping for Dorm Azul, and if not, at least GM Ace to say I got the event card. But I got neither LMAO but I’m really glad I got Dorm Cater because he and Dorm Trey are the best duo to have in defense tests. I’d be struggling if I didn’t have him.

Dorm Jade spooked me when I rolled on the Silver & Lilia banner back in May 2020, and that took me around less than 10 rolls, possibly even less than Dorm Floyd. Funnily enough, at the time, I was mainly a Jade stan, but I was only happy to get him because I hadn’t been getting SSRs, and he was an Octa character. I was lowkey disappointed because I really wanted Dorm Azul (more on that later). Turns out that he’s very useful to have in fire, flora, and omni tests, and he pairs well with Dorm Azul — and not to mention being a deceptive defense SSR when he can hit really hard — so I’m happy overall.

Dorm Epel spooked when I was rolling for the 1st anniversary. He came home on the 3rd roll I believe? And then he came home again when I hit pity on the anniv banner. 😂 He’s good to have for flora basic test, especially paired with Dorm Rook, and he’s part of my best fire defense team (which easily nabs me a 21k score).

Yellow-Orange Tier: They spooked me as well. 😭 But the difference is that I don’t use these SSRs in my tests as much.

Dorm Deuce spooked me twice during my Beans Floyd rolls. 😂 I actually didn’t plan on getting him because he isn’t the most useful SSR (he’s useful in fire defense, but when you have cards like Dorm Trey and Azul, you kind of shaft the poor boy 😔). But Union Floyd came, and turns out that Dorm Deuce’s water magic is really good to use paired with Floyd’s duo in fire basic, so now I have more use for Deuce. 😋

As for Halloween Vil, he came home on the first ten roll of his banner when I aimed for Halloween Azul. 😅 He’s a really good SSR for fire basic, and you can build a good team using him since both Lilia SSRs have good duo partners. I just don’t use him since I don’t have the right cards. Granted, though, my best fire basic score was when I used Dorm Riddle, Dorm Azul, Dorm Jade, Halloween Vil, and Lab Lilia (around 19.3k).

Yellow Tier: Please pretend that this is yellow, thanks. Yellow tier is the shit tier because these characters were shitheads to me. My luck may seem really awesome at first, but here is where I’ll say that it really is not.

See, when I roll to get cards that I think will be extremely beneficial for my tests, I get incredibly unlucky. Beans Floyd and Union Vil came home at the pity pull of their banners. Beans Floyd especially hurts because I got 4 SSRs (counting dupes) before getting him at pity.

Union Floyd was probably one of the most embarrassing rolls I made because I didn’t plan on rolling for any tweel (I make it a point to save for Azul’s birthday starting October), but his stats and abilities were really beneficial for the team I wanted to make to get SSS in fire basic. 😭 I tried to control myself by throwing a 10 roll for both tweels, but I caved and went to pity for Union Floyd. I did get him in my 96th roll, but it was 4 more rolls to pity, so I duped him again. I was so embarrassed that I only told select friends about it and kept quiet about it for a few months everywhere else.

Onto my two biggest offenders: GM Idia banner came out as I was coming home from a really long road trip. I wanted GM Idia for water defense since I was suffering horribly in that test, but I didn’t want to roll for him simply because of that. I told myself I’d only roll if Azul was one of his buddies or if Azul appeared in his personal story, and Twst did a fuck you and made Azul a buddy of his. 🗿 I rolled when my gut was telling me not to, and guess what? It took me 200 rolls to bring him home. 🤡 Most shameful roll, though I was a little less lowkey about it than Union Floyd because I was filled with anger. At least he’s really useful.

Dorm Azul 🤡 hoo boy, this is four months of gacha salt. On his second banner back in August 2020, he came home in the 5th roll, which seems lucky. But in his first banner four months prior, I threw 81 rolls (with one roll at the standard banner) and he did not come home. I was so confident I was gonna get him because I got Dorm Riddle and Floyd really early so I thought a 10-roll would suffice, but guess what? It didn’t. 😭 Every roll I threw at gacha banners from then on were all to have a chance of getting Dorm Azul. During Beans Azul, part of my decision to roll was the thought of ‘oh what if Dorm Azul spooked?’ Then when Dorm Jade spooked, I was sad because I wanted it to be Dorm Azul. I threw a pity at Ghost Marriage for a chance of Dorm Azul spook. So if I count all my rolls that I threw to get Azul, it would amount to at least 213 rolls. 🤡 What’s funnier is that only when I started stanning him did he come home early to me. Biggest jerk in my life, but he’s one of the best SSRs in the game, so I’m also glad to have him.

Light Green Tier: Self explanatory. Rook ruined my pities twice. When rolling for GM Idia, he was the one who stole my first pity. 🤡 Then in the 2nd anniversary, I was really aiming for Dorm Vil or Idia. When I hit the 2nd pity to get the event SSR key, I was so excited to get Dorm Vil… only to hear Rook’s voice. 🤡 Well, at least Rook is a really good SSR.

Green Tier: Also self explanatory. My tutorial SSR was supposed to be Leona, but my wifi crashed. 😂

Light Blue Tier: SSRs gotten with the SSR keys given out on anniversaries. I got Dorm Leona on the first anniversary and Halloween Jade on the second.

Blue Tier: I mainly need for meta purposes. Union Ace is mainly because I have a lot of ideas for a flora defense team using him and Union Azul. Dorm Vil is mainly because I have Dorm Leona, and they would be a really good duo for water basic. Besides, Vil is also really helpful to complete the Pomefiore trio (and they’re deadly in defense tests). Dorm Idia is mainly because he has amazing synergy with Dorm Trey, Dorm Azul, and Beans Jade for defense tests. He and Dorm Ortho are also really good for fire basic. Lastly, Halloween Silver acts like a fire version of Dorm Azul, so already based on that, he’s really good. I’d love to have him for flora defense.

Indigo Tier: So I already mentioned my GM rolls. Birthday Vil, I wanted him for his duo with Azul, and I would have continued rolling for him had Beans Day rerun not been announced. I stopped at 40 rolls to save for Beans Day. 😔 As for Birthday Lilia, I only rolled on his banner because I was out of R perfumes to buy the birthday backgrounds. 🤡 I threw only 20 rolls, and it embarrassed me because I was a dramatic ass at the time and felt like I ‘cheated’ on Azul and genuinely believed he’d come home only on pity.

Pink Tier: Not gonna explain each individual card because that is a shit ton. But basically, the SSRs I kinda want for meta solely are Halloween Cater, Birthday Cater, Camp Ruggie, New Year Kalim, Birthday Rook, and Birthday Idia. The SSRs I want only for pretty art are Halloween Riddle (also for completion’s sake since I have all Riddle cards except for him), both Jade birthday cards (his groovies are so cute 😭), and both Dorm Scarabia. The SSRs I want for both art and meta are DW Deuce, Silk Jamil, Birthday Ortho, and Union Lilia.

Purple Tier: I really don’t want Dorm Ace and Ruggie to spook me for the reason that I don’t have much use for them in tests. 🥲 Maybe I might have some use for Dorm Ace with Union Azul, but Ruggie, not so much. 😭 It doesn’t help that I’m not a big fan of their art either. Separating them from the last tier because these two cards are permanent cards and therefore always have a chance at spooking.

White Tier: Self explanatory. I think some of you might murder me for putting FG Leona in this tier, but I’m not a big fan of the card. 😅 I do acknowledge that FG Leona, Halloween Rook, Birthday and Apple Boa Epel, and Union Malleus may be pretty useful for meta, but I don’t have an immediate need for them.

Anyway, that’s it for my ramble. I really like doing this tier list, so if you want me to rank the SSRs based on favorite art and other things, I’d be happy to do it! Feel free to do it too, and feel free to share me your results. 🥺

[lazyea]

I just really want to share my gacha experience and best luck ever and some of the worst cuz I'm addicted to gachas since 2017 and oh my god how many of those have I played.

Fgo bullies me almost all the time, but what years of playing it taught me is that if you honestly love your waifu/hasubando, they'll come, like Heroine X Alter or Sigurd or Lanling(4 copies in 10 tickets!! holy shit that man loves me!). I also occasionally get 5☆ one after another or in like 2-3 multis. Heroine X Alter is my only np2 SSR though. Foreigners and assasins love me. But riders and lancers... Where u at, homies?? No 5☆ of those at both jp and na, except for Europa that I picked for 5☆ ticket.

Then there's twst jp. Epel is my best man fr. When his dorm card was released I got 2nd Riddle and then the country boy himself straight after not even getting to 50 pulls. And when I aimed to get his groom card he also brought me Ace in first multis, ehehe. But when I was pulling for Epel's SSR in winter event he got me Jamil instead, also in first 10, I'm still mad. When Vargas camp was released I got Ruggie in first 10. My worst pulls in twst ever were in 1st Halloween event. I had to grind 25/8 for Vil and he only got home in 100 pulls. Last card literally. I'm happy that at least I didn't lose 50/50. Queen is mean :')

And then I also had some lucky genshin rolls that I didn't screen. My first 5☆ was Xiao and he came at around 75, soft pity. And then during first Zhongli banner, when I was rolling for Yanfei, I got Zhongli at 89 and Qiqi at 90. That was very spontaneous. No Yanfei still though. Then I lost soft pity to Jean, but I wanted her so it was fine. I got Raiden guaranteed thanks to that. And a few months ago I got Kokomi on soft pity! My artifacts luck is on next level. I guess I just must build crit Kokomi with these arts.

What got me into gachas was bungo stray dogs mayoi inu kaikitan. My first account was filled with SSRs and first UR that were released, but I lost it after 2 years of grinding. It still hurts. Then I got second one in jp and it's going great! No crazy multis or anything like that though. My best was 2 basic SSRs and no event SRs in one event multi. It's good but at the same time so damn disappointing. My na account has some good cards, but it's mainly Lucy SSR carrying me through all events and story. F for my first acc.

Then I also had Obey Me! phase. This game's gacha fucking sucks period. I lasted for about a year until I lost my account again. All this time the gacha was pure hell, devs didn't give much to pull. I had basic Mammon and Belphegor SSRs carry me, then I somehow got "something to tell you" Satan and maxed it out, it was my favourite card and I fucking lost my acc. This game's gacha and power scale system are so frustrating that I can't get myself to play the game again. I remember grinding a lot just to progress 3-5 levels and then grinding again. I love the story and the boys so much, but damn it's a tough love.

Then I got into bunaru when you could use ink to only get new writers. It's a pretty nice game with a pretty mean gacha. My dream combo were Nagai Kafuu and Shimazaki Touson, they got me 80% of my gold. No rainbows though. New system seems ehh, it can be frustrating.

And I'm also into Nikki games. Love Nikki is frustrating and when I just started playing it I was so confused about everything, there was just too much! Shining Nikki is great and its gacha system is fine, I love it when there's guaranteed. I get all URs in events thought and 50% of those are basic 2 sets. It took me 75 pulls to get full oceanic reverie set without 2nd reflection though and man that was infuriating. But overall I really love the game.

I also played Time Princess. Yes, dress up games are my guilty pleasure. Gacha? Quite nice. Story? Interesting. I love that they have female love interests for female mc, otomes need more of those!

And I also started playing Honkai Impact in September. This game is a masterpiece. I got HoH in my first multi! She carries me. Gacha was kind of strange for me at first but I understood it in a week. It can be frustrating and it takes time grinding, but you need just 1 good valkyrie from gacha and then you can get more from shop. Elysia is life, Elysia is love, breathe if you agree.

Then I tried Tower of Fantasy. I got 2 basic SSRs from gacha and 1 from release gift. In basic gacha I got the cube in 30 pulls and then the chakram in 30 pulls from limited banner. Gacha there has been kind enough to me but the grind it takes to get gacha currency.... And the game itself is fine, but it's rather repetitive and the story is kind of boring.

[nancypullen]

Drip Drip Drip

That’s not a nod to the rainy weather today (I’m actually enjoying that).  It’s how I feel about the process of putting this house together.  I have to remind myself that we’ve only been here for eighteen days.  It took us over twenty years to get the Tennessee house the way we liked it.  Rome wasn’t built in a day, and blah, blah, blah.  The truth is that I just want to decorate and turn this place into a home and I can’t.  Still waiting for floors, appliances are arriving one at a time, first came the frig...

those magnets are a sign that there’s been a princess in the house. The stove arrived yesterday.  Looks weird sitting beside the old dishwasher and microwave.

Nothing fancy - I like a smooth top with plenty of oven space.  There’s an app I can download and I can control this oven from my phone.  The odds of me being struck by lightning are greater than the chance of me using my phone to turn the oven on.  Anyway, I think the dishwasher is due by the end of the week.  Were taking that microwave out and installing a range hood.  As a shrimpy girl I’m not a fan of microwaves over the stovetop.  Give me a small countertop model and I’m happy.  We really only use it for popcorn. Soooo, no floors, no paint, no furniture.  Still eating beans around a fire in a  barrel. Okay, it’s not that bad - but as a professional nester I’m feeling very unsettled.  I’ve made homes for us from the tip of Florida to a village on the Arctic Ocean, and it feels like this time it’s taking forever. Because I couldn’t sit in that camp chair one more night, I found a very ugly and very cheap dining room set on Facebook Marketplace.   For $20 the seller agreed to deliver it and it showed up right after Tyler, Jamie, and the grandgirl arrived on Saturday. Perfect, they helped unload! They spent the day with us and we actually had a place to sit while we ate dinner that evening.  We paid $100 for a table and 6 chairs.  It’s definitely not what I wanted for this space, I may chalk paint it and foof it up a little - but for now it serves a purpose.

I can’t believe I’m posting such ugly photos here.  But now we’ll have some “before” pics when this place is finally pretty.  Speaking of pretty, my sweet grandgirl arrived on Saturday in full Cinderella regalia and delivered a bouquet she’d picked.

When she got out of the car, her ballgown sparkling in the sun, and stretched out her little hands holding those flowers...well, I’ll sit on the floor until I’m 80 for moments like that.  We had the best day. Yesterday, because I can’t do much inside the house, I tackled the flower beds.  I use the term flower beds loosely, there was nothing but monkey grass and weeds.  I left some of the monkey grass as a border on one side, but everything else was ripped out. I popped in a few plants, but it all looks a bit pitiful right now.  I wanted to put some sort of evergreen shrub along the front porch, preferably yew of another soft plant.  BUT, I ran up to Walmart for a couple of items and thought I’d peek at their garden center while I was there.  They had some really healthy Japanese Holly shrubs for $22 each.  I was poking around wondering if I should get three or four when the nice garden guy said, “Those are going on clearance tomorrow, but I can mark them down for you today if you need them.”  I asked what the clearance price would be, he responded “Twelve dollars”, and I said that yes indeed I did need them.  So I picked out three for what I probably would have paid for one at a nursery. Hooray!

They’ll look dinky when I get them in, but I’m building this garden from scratch and it takes time.  Like I said the other day, I can probably relax and enjoy it all after three summers.   Maybe ten.

Another spot that give me heartburn is the back yard.  Jamie spotted poison ivy in the treeline, so I don’t go anywhere near it.  I blow up like a puffer fish if I see a picture of poison ivy, so I’m extra careful.  She brought some stuff that they use to kill poison ivy at work, if it’s good enough for the Smithsonian, it’s good enough for me.  As an organic gardener I’m choosing to look the other way while a nuclear bomb is dropped on the treeline.  The bad stuff has to be eradicated to enjoy the yard. Necessary evil.   The previous homeowners also fancied a campfire. We all love a crackling fire in the fall, right?  But they marked off an area by filling it with rocks.  They never bothered to put anything down to prevent weeds from growing through those rocks, so we’re back to that hobo campfire again.  Now I have to rake up all of these little rocks and we’re hoping we can seed the yard before it gets too hot up here.  It’s mostly weeds right now and it’s just plain ugly.

We wanted less yard to mow and care for, but we’d still like it to be pretty.  See our neighbor’s perfect yard? I’m so jealous.  They’re probably hoping we work a miracle so they don’t have to look at this mess anymore. I told Mickey that I’d like to put a fence or barrier of some sort at the treeline. Then I’ll dig a bed along the front and throw down some mulch, maybe put in a couple of flowering shrubs - roses or azaleas. Add a bird bath or a bird feeder and it’ll look like a different place.  I snapped a photo from the patio and then added what I want.

See?  Same place, totally different feeling. I need that tidiness. It’s a lot less creepy. It’s almost noon here, nearly time to feed the mister.  I’ve wiped down the bathrooms, cleaned all of the mirrors, did a load of laundry, and there’s nothing else for me to do.  I’ll feed Mickey at noon, then I’ll feed him again at six. The grass /weeds need cutting but it’s too wet.  I may turn this afternoon into a mini spa day.  My nails need attention, my hair and skin need some love, and it might feel good to take care of myself today. Maybe I’ll put on a face mask and watch a murder show while I paint my nails.  Everyone deserves a day off now and then, right? Oh! That reminds me that I wanted to share a product that I’m very pleased with - and it’s not expensive!

Pardon the wear and tear on my box, but I keep the bottle in it because I read somewhere a million years ago that you should protect vitamin c serums from light to preserve potency.  If that were true, I’m guessing the maker would have put this in a tinted bottle, so I’m probably being overly cautious.  Go ahead and throw your box away, throw caution to the wind!  Anyyywayyyy, this stuff has been MAGIC for my skin. 

Vitamin C & E in a serum? Yes, please!  I use this every morning after washing my face, one dropper does the trick.  I’ve used it regularly for about two months and I’ve seen a wonderful difference in my skin.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, I still look like a 58 year old grandma - but there’s definitely a vibrancy and a glow that was lacking two months ago.  If it worked this well on my face while I was stressed, moving, not eating as well as I should, and tired ( my back still hurts!) then imagine what it can do under normal circumstances.  You know that I don’t advocate for any product that A) didn’t work for me and B) isn’t worth the money.  This is not a paid promotion or anything like that, just a serum that I really, really like.  I use this in the morning, and Kiehl’s Micro-Dose Anti-Aging Retinol Serum with Ceramides and Peptide (that’s a mouthful) at night. I love that it soaks right in, no greasy or tacky feeling at all. It won’t stop time from marching across my face, but at least I can glow as I age. Give it a try, get your glow on! Okay, this rambling post needs to stop.  I hear rumbling upstairs that must mean someone is ready for lunch.  Looks like the sun is trying to make an appearance so maybe I’ll get to poke around in the garden a bit.  Or maybe I’ll just stay in and paint my nails. Whatever you’re doing today, I hope it’s making you happy.  Or at least not making you unhappy.  Stay safe, stay well. XOXO - Nancy 

[tatwaffel]

100 Remadora headcanons!

1, when Tonks arrived at headquarters for the first time, she tripped over the troll leg and Remus was the one to help her up

2, Tonks charmed the socks off him - literally! once she wanted to warm his feet after a winter mission but set fire to his socks

3, Tonks has developed a habit of sitting on the kitchen counter and watching Remus when he's reading the papers

4, Tonks caresses his scars when they're alone

5, he's drowning in self pity sometimes and she hates it

6, Tonks wore her boots when she married and Remus found it lovely

7, since his hair often hangs in front of his eyes, Tonks usually wipes it off his forehead

8, he loves pink hair on Tonks since it's her happy colour

9, Remus has not once asked her to change her appearance for him

10, lots of cuddles! they're literally always cuddling

11, Remus loves kissing her forehead

12, Tonks wore one of Remus's sweaters when he was with the werewolf pack... because he coincidentally left her favourite at headquarters

13, Tonks usually is the one to patch him up after full moons, tho it took some time to convince him she doesn't mind doing it

14, they love hugging each other

15, after the Battle in the Department of Mysteries, Remus stayed by Tonks's side in St Mungo's until she woke up - he was absolutely distraught

16, Tonks once slapped Remus across the face: that was when he wanted to get rid of the baby when Tonks told him she was pregnant

17, Tonks can fall asleep anywhere, preferably with her head on Remus's shoulder on guard duty... not that he minds, of course

18, they're equally stubborn, but Tonks usually wins arguments

19, Remus usually makes her tea because she just isn't capable of doing it properly, for Merlin's sake!

20, Remus loves Tonks's giggles

21, Tonks, on the other hand, loves the way Remus's lips curve when he smiles

22, they fell for each other around Christmas of 1995

23, Tonks can be incredibly clingy, especially when she's sick

24, tho she'd never admit it, Tonks has learned to love Remus calling her "Nymphadora"

25, Remus gets genuinely terrified when Tonks's hair turns red

26, he makes a huge fuss about every yet so tiny bruise she's got

27, Tonks is a horrible dancer, Remus isn't... their wedding dance was hilarious

28, Tonks appreciates very much that Remus takes her seriously and sees her as an adult

29, Remus usually cooks because Tonks is prone to burning things

30, Tonks sometimes shares Remus's cup of tea - well, she takes it and he has to deal with it

31, they complete each other perfectly, that's why they match so well

32, Remus is the only one to calm Tonks down when she'd anxious, he offers her the safety she craves for - this is her first real war to fight and she needs someone by her side

33, Remus couldn't go on without her at some point anymore, she keeps him going

34, their boggarts changed into each other's corpses after they fell in love

35, Tonks loves her new patronus

36, Remus can be incredibly jealous

37, he's also pretty over-protective, Tonks acts like she's annoyed by it but she finds it kinda cute

38, they both had nightmares during the war, but had a hard time opening up to each other about it

39, glances across the room

40, he marvels at how well her small hand fits into his large whenever they hold hands to apparate

41, whenever Remus reads a book, Tonks lays her head in his lap and naps - Remus sometimes trails his hand through her hair when (he thinks) she's asleep

42, Tonks is one for cheek kisses

43, he proposed to her

44, when Remus returns home after full moons and they go to bed, he usually rests his head on her chest, needing to be near her

45, Tonks had a hard time convincing Remus that he was indeed worthy of love

46, during long over night missions, Remus sometimes kept guard so she could nap a little

47, Tonks wrote letters to Remus when he was with the pack, but he rarely responded - what he did indeed was keep them all safely stowed

48, Remus was heartbroken when he found out Tonks suffered from depression, but yet it only made him believe that she deserved better than him

49, they trust each other with their lives

50, they share their love for chocolate frogs

51, one day, Remus unconsciously rolled up his sleeves in her presence because he didn't really mind her seeing the small silvery scars on his arms

52, no matter how cold it is, he'll always lend her his cloak when she's freezing

53, he loves taking care of her when she's not feeling well

54, Remus once did a sketch of his wife when she was asleep

55, they both cried at their wedding

56, Remus actually never wanted to hurt her... he didn't really succeed tho

57, when looking for Tonks at Grimmauldplace, Remus usually isn't far

58, he sometimes watches her over the brink of his tea cup

59, he's one of the few people Tonks feels completely comfortable around with her natural body form

60, he always keeps his hand on the small of her back when he sees her to the door

61, she hugged him first - that was when she noticed him feeling anxious for the first time

62, he kissed her first - that was after a mission they almost died, somehow his heart took over

63, they reunited shortly before their deaths

64, Remus died a few minutes earlier, Tonks was killed while weeping over his corpse

65, the entire Order of the Phoenix knew about them long before they did - Sirius, Mad-Eye and Kingsley even did bets

66, Tonks managed to get Remus to open up and have a cry on her shoulder after Sirius's death, but after that he distanced himself from her completely

67, Remus saves her some of Molly's food when Tonks returns from work late

68, he always waits until she returns from late missions

69, they renovated Remus's old cottage and made it their home

70, he's one head taller than her

71, after they married her called Tonks "Mrs Lupin" at times, not to tease her but because he was hella proud that she was his wife

72, he had to stop himself from being clingy around Tonks after bad full moons because he thought himself to be a monster

73, he always held back her hair when she had to throw up during her pregnancy

74, they call each other "sweetheart", "darling" or "love" - but never things like "babe"

75, Tonks likes to listen to Remus telling her old stories about the first Order or his year as Hogwarts professor

76, Remus drinks whisky when he's upset or sad, Tonks usually goes for gin

77, they had a few arguments about Tonks's sleeping habits since she's a workaholic sometimes and "forgets" about going to bed

78, Tonks adores the wrinkles at the corners of Remus's eyes

79, she's always cracking jokes, Remus often chocked on his tea when she did

80, despite Remus's trust issues, he never had a hard time trusting Tonks

81, Mad-Eye Moody paired them on missions not so much by incident but rather because Remus was a good influence on Tonks

82, however, Mad-Eye was furious when Remus started to reject her

83, they both remembered the day the other told them that they loved them for the first time

84, Tonks never intended to fall for a bookish, calm ex-professor... but here she is

85, being away with the werewolves, Remus realized how much he actually loved Tonks - the amount of love his heart held for her scared him

86, he visited her late night on Christmas day 1996 tho she didn't want to celebrate at the Burrow - but he just couldn't stand the thought of her being alone at Christmas Eve

87, Molly yelled at Remus several times for breaking Tonks's heart

88, Mad-Eye actually had to comfort Tonks and hug her one time when she had reached the rock bottom of her depression

89, Mad-Eye too yelled at Remus for breaking Tonks's heart

90, they had some mild arguments about Tonks's taste in music

91, Tonks fell asleep in the parlor every now and then - whenever Remus was around, he tried his best to not wake her while covering her with a blanket

92, they're an absolute dream team on missions together

93, Kingsley was the one to find their corpses and bring them down to the Hall

94, they spent New Year's Eve 1995 on the rooftop of Grimmauldplace watching the firework, Remus conjured a pink one from his wand

95, Tonks sometimes got ink on her fingertips and Remus, whyever, thinks it's cute

96, they notice the tiniest details about each other, such as a fresh scar on the wrist or a bruise on the elbow

97, he takes over writing the reports after a mission because he knows she hates it

98, she's best a stunning spells, he's best at the patronus charm

99, they shared a bathroom at Grimmauldplace and things got very awkward

100, it's about touch with the two of them: a tight hug when he's anxious, a loving embrace when she returns from work, linking arms when they walk together at nighttime, a gentle kiss on the lips when he wants her to know he loves her, a tender peck on the cheek when she returns from work, a light kiss on the forehead when she falls asleep next to him, holding hands when they apparate, locking fingers when he actually wants to hold her hand, hands tracing and lingering when they walk past the other, the slightest touch of a fingertip on his hand when she wants to comfort him during an Order meeting...

[keeptheotherone]

Mecation: Day 1 

Thursday

I once read social media described as an indulgence of the fantasy that others are interested in the details of our lives. I’m indulging in that fantasy this week by blogging about my Mecation under the guise of travel blogging ;)

If you follow me in even the most casual way, you know I’m a nurse. While I’ve enjoyed the vast majority of my 23 years as such, I don’t recommend it during a pandemic. The last 18 months have been the second-worst mental health period of my life, demoted to that position not because of the mildness of my symptoms but simply because at 15 I didn’t have the experience or perspective to realize my life was not, in fact, ruined forever.

COVID increased my personal vulnerability as a high-risk patient and made my job immensely more difficult in countless ways both small and large, but the worst part of the pandemic for me (so far) is it took away all my coping mechanisms precisely when I needed them most. Massage, pedicures, dinner out with friends, travel ... all gone practically overnight. Pre-COVID I travelled all the time--home to my parents’, long weekends by myself (Mecation!), annual visits to BFFs, conferences, tourism, the beach, my birthday, writing trips, international trips ... I always had at least one trip in the works, usually one booked and one (or more!) in the planning stages. 

When COVID started, all my close friends and family except for two lived out of state. One of those two was out of town but close enough to get together, but the other was a few hours’ drive away. I’m single and live alone; it was the most isolated I’ve ever been in my whole life. 

With my bestest friends over 500 miles away, I still feel that way sometimes. I haven’t seen them in a year. If it weren’t for COVID, it would only be 7 or 8 months (I’ve gone every January or February since ... forever). Then again, if it weren’t for COVID, I wouldn’t have been there last September; one had been hospitalized and I needed to see she was all right with my own two eyeballs. I expect it will be at least another 7 or 8 months before we get together again, bringing the total to about 20 months. One year we saw each other 5 times in 9 months, our personal best since college. 

I was alone on Christmas. Oh, I’ve spent December 25th on my own before; I’m a nurse. I’ve worked the night of the 24th or the 25th (or both), or whatever combination that didn’t leave enough time off to drive home. But I’ve never spent the Christmas season without my parents. Sometimes the week before, sometimes the week after, sometimes at my place instead of home, but always together. But last Christmas COVID was raging, the vaccines had just come out but were only available to first responders (I got mine on the 23rd), and my elderly parents didn’t feel safe to travel. So I spent Christmas without family.

Travel was not just a break from my daily routine and the stress of nursing; in many ways, the biggest benefit travel made to my mental and emotional health was giving me something to look forward to.  Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick,” and ohhh, I was so heartsick last year! Not being able to travel meant I couldn’t visit my best friends of almost 25 years (more than half my life!). Not being able to travel meant I couldn’t lean on my dad or be hugged by my mom. Not being able to travel--and not knowing when I could travel--left this gaping hole in my future, and I had nothing to fill it with. 

I tell you this not to throw a pity party but to explain the significance of the trip I’m on right now. It is only my third this year: my dad and I spent a week in the mountains in February (my depression and anxiety was so bad then that was treatment, not vacation), I took a friend to the beach over my birthday, and now I’m a couple hours from home at a nice spa hotel. (I’m not counting my nephew’s graduation, which was emotionally challenging for multiple reasons, or helping a friend move from Florida. Moving is never fun.)

I started planning this trip in the spring ... May, maybe? You know, after the vaccine rolled out to everyone and case counts were dropping and it looked like we were gonna lick this thing and have a quasi-normal summer by the Fourth of July (yes, I’m American. That date is a proper noun here.). I had switched jobs in November (don’t ask) and gone on mental health leave December 29th, so I felt I owed it to my unit to put in about six months of work before taking any significant time off, especially since I came back at 24 hours instead of 36. That meant September.

I knew what I wanted to do: 4 or 5 days at an all-inclusive resort in the Caribbean. I’d been before and loved the freedom of not worrying about every little expenditure (what can I say, I’m cheap), and a few days of Vitamin Sea sounded perfect.

Then came Delta.

All right, maybe going out of the country isn’t the best idea, I thought. Don’t want to end up with expensive reservations and then your destination closes to Americans, or you make it to your chosen island but can’t get back home. But I didn’t want to fly (ugh, airports!), I didn’t want to drive (rest stops and restaurants and gas stations), and while I thought about taking the train, it didn’t seem much of an improvement (and maybe a downgrade) on flying.

Then a friend mentioned a sleeper car, and I thought yes! That could work! I’ve never been to New England, I want to go to Boston, that area of the country has low case rates and the highest vaccination rates, this has potential! 

Then I looked at the CDC map. There were only four states that didn’t have high transmission at that time (early August, I think; I’d had to wait for confirmation that my time off had been approved): Michigan, Rhode Island, Maine, and New Hampshire. All four had substantial rates of transmission. Hardly ideal, but one thing I’ve learned this year is sometimes you have to make compromises to protect your mental health. It is true it doesn’t matter if you’re happy if you’re dead; it is also true it doesn’t matter if you’re safe if you want to kill yourself. (I’m not suicidal, I am receiving treatment, don’t anybody panic.)

So, now I’ve settled on Maine or New Hampshire by train via sleeper car (Michigan is too far for a 4-5 day trip and RI--meh). Well, as I got deeper into planning, turned out Maine or NH were awfully far too. Far enough I would have to overnight in a major city, which pretty much defeated the purpose of isolating in a sleeper car. Then I found out there were no sleeper cars on either train route.

So, now vacation is 5 weeks away and I’m back at square one. The Deep South, Texas, and Florida are imploding. Pediatric cases are rising--kids are sicker and make up a higher percentage of cases than they did last year. Scuttlebutt from my ICU colleagues is it’s bad--17/30 MICU beds are COVID and they’re all vented. SICU is being nicknamed “the ECMO unit.” The hospital has 18(!) ECMO machines and 12 are in use; the float nurse who tells us that didn’t even know we had 12 because she’s never seen that many in use at one time. Hospital-wide our numbers are equivalent to early February (we peaked in January). There were six--SIX--pediatric rapid responses in one day. 

And I’m going to travel.

It’s a big deal ... a big accomplishment, really, because of what it says about how I’m successfully managing my anxiety. April 1 was the first time I’d been inside a grocery store in more than a year ... and that wasn’t my idea. It was late April or May before I was comfortable eating in restaurants, even with the falling case count at the time. I’m still not sure if I’m managing my anxiety or reacting to the pressure by going to the opposite extreme (I have a history of that), but I know I’m less stressed, less anxious, have fewer obsessive thoughts, fewer physical symptoms, and am learning to live with this disease. 

So, here I sit at a marble-topped 5-foot-wide desk in my queen/queen hotel room at the end of a productive and enjoyable day. I slept in, completed the big goal of this weekend’s to-do list that I honestly thought would take several days, unpacked and organized my room (I arrived yesterday evening), reorganized my Favorites Bar and Bookmarks on my Mac, had an 80-minute aromatherapy massage, enjoyed a shower in the spa afterwards and even blow-dried my hair(!) before wandering around for a while to get the lay of the land and get some steps in (this place is huge!). Then I changed clothes and took myself out to dinner for my favorite food, Italian. 

That’s me in the picture up top, all dressed up :) Actually, I probably look pretty normal to y’all; like most people with depression, my personal hygiene sunk to new lows in the last year and a half, and as a low-maintenance person to begin with, that’s saying a lot. I bought that necklace as a bridesmaid and am not sure I’ve worn it since; this spring was her 10th anniversary. Yesterday I took out the cat-shaped earrings Dad gave me for Christmas. (Yes, they were gross. Yes, I cleaned them. Yes, I’m wearing them again now.) Just wearing a nice top, fixing my hair (no ponytail or claw-clip bun, my staples), and adding jewelry was a big deal ... especially since “no one” was going to see me. I did it just for me, to make myself feel good. And I did. (That’s another small pleasure COVID took away from me--lip gloss. If I wore any makeup at all, it was lipstick or gloss. Utterly pointless when you’re masked whenever you’re in public.)

I took my laptop to dinner and edited a couple chapters of my new Charlie/Amy fic (previewed during #ktoo turns 10), ran a couple errands, and headed back to the hotel since I don’t like to be out late by myself in an unfamiliar city. Forgot I put my receipt envelope in the backseat pocket and reorganized the glove compartment looking for it, then gathered a bunch of returns into a bag in the trunk. Hung out writing in the lobby until my Mac threatened to die, came upstairs and tidied up, put on my jammies, and talked to you guys :) 

[refinedbuffoonery]

I + Can’t + Lose + You (2)

masterlist. Read it on AO3. 

A/N: Did I take my time on this or what? Yikes. I’ll try to get the next update out much faster. Enjoy! 

*****

Riley had to admit, she was having the time of her life on this impromptu road trip with Mama. 80s music blasted from the truck’s speakers, and she and Mama danced in their seats. But Riley knew their fun was coming to an end the moment she spied the sea of brake lights in the distance. 

It took no time at all to catch up to the traffic. Every vehicle packed on the freeway sat at a standstill. 

“How do y’all live like this?” Mama asked incredulously. “There is no reason for this many cars to be on the road.” Riley chuckled. 

After another half mile of crawling through bumper to bumper traffic, Riley was finally fed up with it too. “Okay that’s it,” she announced. “We’re taking the back way.” 

LA streets were slow, but nothing was as slow as the 10 during rush hour, and they’d left right at the beginning of it. Avoiding the freeways like the plague, Riley wound through the city streets, flooring the gas through every yellow light. 

After a particularly risky one, Mama questioned, “Who taught you to drive?” 

Riley grinned ear to ear. “Jack.” Mama rolled her eyes and double checked that her seatbelt was buckled. Before long, they were back on the freeway, zooming toward the desert. 

In Indio, they stopped to get gas and use the restroom. From here to Phoenix, there was just a whole lot of nothing. Maybe some cactus, tumbleweeds, and the occasional Joshua tree if they were lucky. 

Although, Riley doubted her luck, considering she was driving to Phoenix in a truck with crappy air conditioning in the last week of July. She regretted not changing out of her favorite black Van Halen tank top into one that was a lighter color. 

By the time Riley exited the gas station’s convenience store armed to the teeth with snacks, Mama had finished filling up the gas tank and was now leaning against the tailgate, waiting. “You’re still driving,” the older woman said. Riley sighed. Of course she was. 

Riley jumped at the sound of a door slamming open behind them, almost dropping her armload of snacks. A guy wearing a navy blue hoodie sprinted toward an old Bronco, clutching something to his chest. He dove into the car and sped off. Riley and Mama winced at the squeal of the tires as he skidded out of the parking lot and back onto the road. 

The sole convenience store employee had chased after the thief to no avail. Dejected slump curving his shoulders inward, he stared after the long-gone car. 

Wordlessly handing the snacks to Mama, Riley cautiously approached the employee. He was just a kid, 25 at the most. “Hey, I’m sorry that happened.” She tipped her head toward where the Bronco had been parked. “Are you okay?” 

“Am I okay?” he asked incredulously. “Of course I’m not okay! That was the third one today and my boss is going to be fuc--pissed and it’s all because I can’t see in the back anymore because the first guy smashed the security camera with a can of Pringles which he then stole.” He had the wild look in his eyes of a furious customer service employee who was about to explode but couldn’t because they were, well, a customer service employee. Riley pitied him. 

“Well, I can’t do anything about the thief, but I think I can fix your security camera issue.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah.” Riley wasn’t totally sure she could fix it, but she’d seen Mac build and fix enough cameras over the years she figured it was worth a shot. “Can you show me where it is? I’m Riley, by the way.” 

“Marco,” he replied, holding the door open for her and Mama. Marco led her to the far corner of the store. Back here, everything a customer did would be completely concealed from the cashier. Mounted from the ceiling, the security camera’s shattered lens didn’t do much good. 

“Can I take it apart?” 

Marco looked skeptical, but he said, “It’s not like you can break it any more.” 

Riley unhooked it from the wall and began taking it apart. Aside from the shattered lens, it wasn’t actually broken. She could fix it if she had a camera. 

Riley froze. She did have a camera…

God, when did she turn into Mac? 

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” she muttered as she cracked her phone open. Riley didn’t bother checking to see if she had any notifications first. They were about to disappear forever anyway. Mama’s eyes widened, but Mac would’ve been proud. She held up her unusable phone and wiggled it. “In this line of work, always get the insurance.” 

“You’ve spent too long with that MacGyver,” was all Mama said, but Riley didn’t miss her impressed smirk. 

The hardest part was breaking her phone. Riley prided herself on having the lowest phone replacement rate, which she knew was only because mission success relied on her tech actually working. Mac only sacrificed hers when he had no other option. 

Riley also knew Mac picked which phone to sacrifice based on who would have the most dramatic reaction. So, she dutifully handed it over every time wearing a serious expression, refusing to give Mac the satisfaction of being annoyed. 

Connecting the phone camera to the security camera wiring was easy enough. The finished product looked janky as hell, but Riley was pretty sure it would work. “Alright, go check whether it works.” 

Marco wove his way back to the counter. A few seconds later, a shrill “It works!” echoed through the convenience store. 

Mama smiled. “Good girl. I’ll meet you in the truck.” 

A rush of pride filled Riley--the same one she got every time she MacGyver-ed her way out of a problem. Fixing the security camera hopefully would put an end to Marco’s shitty day. 

She met Marco by the exit. “Thank you!” the kid said, throwing his arms around her in an overenthusiastic hug. Riley stiffened at the contact and patted Marco’s shoulder. He let go, none the wiser to her discomfort. 

“You’re welcome,” Riley said. “Have a good rest of your day.” She exited the convenience store and walked back to the truck. 

**********

Mac was alone in the war room when Riley’s location disappeared off the map. 

Gone, in the blink of an eye. 

“No,” Mac said to himself, voice catching. Her location last showed her at a gas station in Indio, but she could be taken anywhere from there. There was a whole lot of nothing and no-man’s land for her kidnappers to make her disappear in. 

Watching the tracker cut out finally pushed him over the edge. Mac succumbed to all the worst case scenarios that were threatening to incapacitate him completely.  They know who she is, and they’re forcing her to hack something. Or maybe they don’t know who she is, what she can do, and they just grabbed her off the street because she’s pretty and...Mac couldn’t finish the thought. 

Without anyone there to stop him, Mac let himself get absorbed in his own head. I’ve lost her, for good this time. She’s gone. Riley’s gone.

Why the hell hadn’t she sent him a clue? Every time she got kidnapped, she always managed to give him a clue about her whereabouts. Riley was one of the smartest people he knew. How did this happen? Who the hell took her? 

I never told her I’m in love with her. 

God, what if he never got that chance? Or what if something really bad happens to her and he’s too late to stop it and she loses her faith in him? 

He had to find her. And when she was safe and healed and at home he’d tell her. Mac stormed out of the war room, nearly running Matty over on his way out. 

“Where are you going, Blondie?” she asked. 

“To get Riley back.” 

He didn’t stop walking until Matty said, in the gentlest possible voice, “Mac.” 

Her tone was the only reason he turned around. If she’d spoken in her Matty The Hun voice, it would’ve fueled him to keep walking, but something about the knowing gentleness made him pause. He turned to look at her, every emotion he felt about the situation and about Riley plain on his face.

 “Okay,” she said, giving him a small nod. If she didn’t know about his feelings for Riley before, she definitely did now. 

Mac ran to his truck and sped off. 

**********

Matty added Mac’s location tracker to the screen in the war room. Like a true Californian, he skipped getting on the 10 completely and stuck to the secret back ways he’d learned over the years. Like Riley, he sped through every yellow, but eventually he got stuck in a long chain of red lights. 

Despite the fact that one of her two best agents was MIA and the other was out of his mind with grief and fear, Matty smiled to herself. Mac would find Riley; they always managed to find each other, against all odds. And when they finally reunited...maybe some things would finally be put on the table. 

Good things, Matty decided. She’d always suspected their relationship might go down this road. For years, Mac and Riley unconsciously gravitated toward one another. They stood unnecessarily close together, they constantly flicked their gaze to the other, they kept tabs on the other’s emotions. 

Because of that, she’d rarely put them undercover together as a couple because of the romantic potential. If they were ever going to move past their obliviousness and develop feelings, Mac and Riley deserved for that to happen on its own, without a bunch of charades in the way. Although, given the details they’d both left out from their reports on the op in Monte Carlo, it might’ve been just the thing to finally push them together after all this time. 

All of the chaos of the last year must’ve brought new, deeper feelings to the surface, because after defecting to Codex, Mac and Riley grew closer, though they remained guarded with the rest of the team. Even if they didn’t recognize it, their relationship was changing, hopefully for the better. With the hands they’d been dealt in life, Mac and Riley deserved that kind of lasting happiness more than anyone else she knew. 

Eyes still trained on the screen, Matty whispered, “Go get her, Mac.”

[creativewritingpracticestudio]

Vodka-Flavored Kisses and Cookies (The Dirt!Mick Mars x Reader)

@songbirds-sweet Thank you for the request! So sorry for the wait! Here’s the friends-to-lovers fic! Set in the 80s. Sorry, it’s not my best, I’m in such a weird spot right now. I tried my best!

Description: You and Mick have been close friends since the beginning of Mötley Crüe. You and him have become roommates, so that you can help him with his disease. You both swear up and down that you’re just friends. One night, the two of you are getting drunk and baking cookies, and a confession slips out. Just friends? Or something more?

Warnings: Alcohol use and cursing. Brief mentions of sex. No smut! This is fluffy :)

“I’m telling you, Mick, dipping the cookies in our vodka will make them taste way better. It’s like what old people do with milk, or whatever.”

Mick flashed you the driest look you’d ever been given as he wiped his cookie-dough-covered hands on a dish towel and leaned against the counter. “You’re an alcoholic, (Y/n).” You smirked at him as you pushed the tray of cookies into the oven and closed it with your hip. “An alcoholic who knows how to have fun.” Mick rolled his eyes, but the smallest of smiles had appeared on his face.

“Anyway, cookies will be done in about an hour. Until then, we drink!” You poured a glass for each of you, and he carefully took a seat at the bar, wincing slightly. You grimaced, hurrying over to hand him the bottle of painkillers you kept on you for this exact event. “Thanks.” Mick tried to hide the pain in his voice, but after 3 months of living with him, you could always pick up on it. You felt awful, but knew better than to show it. He hated being pitied. You handed him his glass, and clinked yours against it. “Cheers, Mick.” He nodded. “Cheers.”

You’d been friends with Mick since before he had formed Mötley Crüe with the others. You’d placed an ad looking for someone to teach you to play guitar, and he’d been the one to respond. It only took a few lessons for the two of you to become extremely close. His dry snark matched well with your energetic, enthusiastic personality. Even when he became famous, you were with him all the time; backstage and offstage.

You’d often come to his house in the odd hours of the night, when he called you in pain to ask for your help. A few months ago, after the fifth night in a row of his urgent calls, the two of you came to the same conclusion: you needed to move in together. You were the only person he trusted to see him in such a vulnerable, fragile state. He didn’t want anyone else to help him.

Now, three months later, you didn’t regret the decision at all. Nights like this were the best. The two of you bickered and talked and got drunk together like an old couple, which was why more than one of Mick’s band members had questioned the exact nature of your relationship. It didn’t help that Mick was a lot nicer to you than he was to anyone else. But, the two of you denied it.

He was your best friend, you were his. That was all. But sometimes, on nights where you slept in his bed after a nightmare, or those times where you kissed him on the cheek, or called him a pet name, he wondered if that was really all that it was. And sometimes, like when he vented about his abusive ex-girlfriend, or when you shared a blanket with him to watch a movie, or when you saw his face twisted in pain and felt your break for him, you wondered if you really only saw him as a friend.

This particular night, there had been no venting or cheek-kissing, but the tension was still there. As the two of you downed your drinks, you found yourself watching the dark-haired guitarist, taking in the details of his face with the curiosity of a small child. He really was attractive, as insecure as he was. He locked eyes with you, and raised an eyebrow. “Something wrong?”

“Nah. Just wondering how you don’t have frown lines yet, Mickie. Would it kill you to smile at me? I’m your best friend!” His face darkened at the term, but he rolled his eyes playfully and gave you a goofy, fake smile. “Satisfied?” You sighed dramatically. “It’ll have to do.” Mick let out a genuine laugh, and you beamed with pride. You loved making him laugh. You poured him another drink and grinned. “Cookies will taste better if we’re piss-ass drunk.” ————————————————————

An hour later, you were both pretty wasted. You were drunken-giggling and dancing around the kitchen. Mick, who was only slightly better at holding his alcohol, was in a better mood and was watching you dance with a small smile. The timer to the oven went off, and you excitedly grabbed an oven mitt and pulled the cookies out. “Yes! They look bomb! We’re some damn good bakers, Mick-ster.” You touched one, hissing and retracting your finger from the heat.

“While we’re waiting for them to cool...” You strolled over to Mick’s seated form with a mischievous grin. “...tell me a secret, Mick! And then I’ll tell you one! It’ll be like a game!” He glared at you in a ‘that’s fucking stupid’ way, but you simply smiled drunkenly back at him, and he sighed. “Only if you go first.” You nodded, happy he said yes. “Okay! My secret is..I only know like 5 Mötley Crüe songs.”

“Seriously? You come to every concert with me.” You shrugged. “Well, alright then. I guess I have one secret.” You leaned forward with interest. “I’m the one who ate all of your gummy bears last week.” You pouted. “Not a good secret, but mean. You sure you don’t have any real secrets?” He shook his head. “Not really.” You gave up, and walked over to check the cookies. Mick loved to mess with you.

He watched you with a smirk, feeling a lot happier than he had earlier. That was one thing about you he couldn’t get enough of; you put him in a better mood just by being you. You didn’t call him “old” or make fun of him like his bandmates. You treated him like a real friend, a person, not the fragile old man he felt like at times. Not to mention, You were a lot prettier than Nikki or Tommy or Vince. Especially tonight..was it the alcohol? He felt a rush of affection for you as you carefully placed the cookies on a plate and smiled up at him.

Mick took another swig of his vodka, feeling a strange surge of daring fill him. “...I do have one other secret.” You glanced back at him with interest. “What is it?” He was quiet for a second. “I think you’re pretty.” You stared at him, slightly shocked. “Really?” He nodded, somehow managing to keep eye contact even though his nerves were shot. “Well, I think you’re handsome.”

Mick went silent again, trying to think of a response. “We shouldn’t get drunk this often. No wonder Tommy thinks we’re hooking up.” You raised an eyebrow. “Tommy thinks we’re hooking up?” He nodded. “Yeah, whole band thinks we’re secretly together.” You thought this over for a second as you placed his cookie down in front of him.

“Why aren’t we?” He blinked. “Why aren’t we what?” You stared down at your hands. “Together. Why aren’t we? We live together. We both just admitted that we find each other attractive. So why aren’t we?” Mick leaned back in his chair and stared off into space, trying to think of a response. “I don’t know. I didn’t really think you were attracted to me, I guess. Most girls don’t have a thing for ancient, stiff-ass cripples.”

You glared at him. “Mick, you’re not an ancient, stiff-ass cripple. You’re a lot more handsome than you think. And you’re really funny, and really sweet. Well..when you want to be, anyway. I like you, Mick.” You’d never seen the guitarist at such a loss for words. After a moment, he finally responded, clearly afraid that your response wouldn’t be ideal.

“I like you too.” You grinned, leaning over to dip your cookie in his glass of vodka before grabbing his face and pulling him so close to your face that his forehead brushed yours. “Is that so? In that case, kiss me.” He stared back at you hesitantly, searching your eyes for signs of dishonesty, any hint that you were playing with his emotions. There was none. “You gonna do it?”

After a second, he spoke one more time. “For the record, you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met. Funniest, too.” And then he kissed you before you could respond. It was clearly a drunk kiss; you both were slightly wobbly, his hands gripping the countertop’s edge for support as he leaned closer to deepen the kiss. You wrapped an arm around his neck and tangled your hands in his hair, tasting the mix of the vodka and the cookies on his tongue.

He pulled away, gasping for breath, and leaned back in his seat. “Did that just happen?” You smirked and nodded, taking a victorious bite of your cookie. “Yes, yes it did. Look at you, finally being friendly with me. You’re a good kisser, Mick-ster. Told you cookies and vodka were a good combination.” He laughed, taking another sip of his drink. “So...are we together now?”

“Depends. Do you actually want to be together, or do you feel like you need to since we’ve kissed?” He flashed you a warning look. “I’m being serious. I don’t just kiss random people for no reason. I genuinely want to be with you. You’re the only person I’ve ever felt this comfortable around. You don’t judge me or make fun of me or any of that shit.” You went serious, covering his hand with your own.

“Of course I don’t, Mick. You’re not a monster or some shit. You’re a person. A very cute one, at that.” You leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, and got up to rinse your plate. “So is that a yes or a no?” You smiled, leaning against the counter and pretending to think deeply. “Hmm..I’ll think about it.” But your grin told him that you’d already made up your mind.

The next day, the two of you told the other bandmates the news, and received congratulations from Tommy (who bear-hugged you) and Nikki. Nikki grinned at Vince and held out his hand expectantly. Vince handed Nikki $10, pouted, and stormed out of the room. Nikki smirked. “Told him it would happen.” Tommy snickered. Mick face-palmed and sighed. “Hope you don’t mind having these idiots around.”

A group of drunken, drug-addicted, gambling idiots? You smiled proudly. You couldn’t have asked for better.

[spaceskam]

our fainted thrill carries on (7/13)

ao3

Michael tried to let it go, but there was one mystery that he couldn’t.

“Coffee?” Alex asked, leaning over the back of the couch to hand him a mug. Michael accepted it willingly, not looking over at him if only because he tended to get sidetracked every time he did. “Do you have work today?”

“No,” Michael said, “Got Sanders to give me the day off because I’m onto something.” 

He typed a bit more into Alex’s high-tech computer, searching through government databases that he really shouldn’t have access to as a way to find the social security number of that boy that hung around his mom in that barn in 1948. He’d figured that if he could locate his social security number, he could figure out where he was even if he’d changed his name.

“What are you gonna do if you find him?” Alex asked softly, his breath a little too close to Michael’s ear as he peered over his shoulder. Michael froze for a moment, but he quickly shook it off and continued to scroll through the list of people named Walt who was born in the late 30s in Roswell, New Mexico. It was easier said than done.

“Track him down, go talk to him.”

“He’s what, 80? What if he doesn’t remember?”

“Then I bring Isobel and we make him remember whether he wants to or not,” Michael said. Alex grabbed his jaw firmly, forcing him to look at him. 

He was close, eyes dark and serious for the first time in weeks. They’d been doing good. It was a week after Christmas, Alex had been helping both Project Shepard and Liz, and Michael had been doing his best to make progress in all facets. They slept in the same bed and they cuddled and they told each other they loved each other. Things were nice and easy. But Alex had a look on his face that was not at all nice and easy.

“No, you will not,” Alex said, “You’ll respect his boundaries. That’s an invasion of privacy and that takes away someone’s agency, do you understand me?” 

“But I want‒”

“I know you want answers, Michael, but that’s not the way to do it. That makes you the villain,” Alex said. Michael stared right back. He wanted to explain to Alex why it was so important to him, but, then again, he probably understood that well enough. Which made it all that more frustrating. “You are not the villain, are you?”

“No,” Michael said. Alex nodded, letting go and pulling away. Michael registered that he was in uniform and looking like a man on a mission. Which would explain the stern voice he had. Michael wanted to just grab him and pull him in, kiss him until he said something sweet instead.

Alex clearly must’ve seen that and he reached back out to move his hair off his forehead. 

“Please just be safe,” he said. Michael nodded easily. “I’ll see you after work.”

Michael watched him leave and stayed watching the door until he heard his car door slam and the engine start. Then Michael’s phone dinged and he pulled his eyes away from the door to check it.

Alex: I’m not mad at you. Have a good day, love you 

Michael smiled to himself and got to scrolling for more information. Eventually, though, Rosa climbed through the hole in the floor and gave him an antagonizing smile. He tried to ignore her even as she plopped down beside him, peering over his shoulder. He leaned away and she leaned closer.

“You have a list of all the men named Walt, why don’t you search them individually so you can rule them out instead of making it complicated. Half of them are probably dead anyway,” she said. Michael pursed his lips as he looked at the list of 57 Walts, all of them with a variety of last names. He hadn’t even thought about that. “You’re welcome.”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t be too proud,” Michael grumbled, quickly copying the list of names and pasting them in an open document before printing them. He put the laptop on the coffee table and went to go fetch the papers.

“Walt Freedman,” Rosa read, “Why does that sound familiar?”

“I have no idea, did you sleep with an old guy named Walt Freedman?” 

“No,” she scoffed, “I feel like I’ve seen it before. Maybe… Maybe on like a prescription or something? I don’t know, it’s been a couple of months.”

“Months?”

“For me months, not for you months,” Rosa clarified. Michael grabbed the printed pages and walked back to the couch where Rosa was squinting and thinking as hard as she could. He sat beside her and pulled the laptop back onto his lap.

“Well, let’s Google him, see what comes up,” Michael said. She leaned in close to watch and see what popped up when he Googled ‘Walt Freedman roswell’.

It took a minute, but eventually, they got a few results. Michael clicked on a background check website that popped up the name. It gave a few of his relatives, his age of 81, birthdate, and that he used to live in Albuquerque, but no sign of a current phone number or address. Which would’ve been a fine dead end, but then one of his relatives was listed as Lee Sanders. Michael blinked a couple of times in confusion.

“What?” he breathed, clicking on the name. It had all the same information, only now with a name Michael knew and a place of business that Michael knew.  “What the fuck? He knows the guy who knew my mom?”

“Michael,” Rosa said carefully. It was the first time that she’d looked at him without an ounce of rivalry. It made his stomach sink. “I think he is the guy that knew your mom.”

Michael stared at the screen for a few minutes longer before he was standing up.

“I gotta go.”

-

“We need to go talk to your father.”

“Hello to you too.”

Alex wasn’t having a bad day, necessarily, but he’d been riding a high for a little over a week and he was bound to have a downfall eventually. Today was that. And, considering how high that high was, this felt like plummeting even though he logically knew it wasn’t actually bad. That little voice that told him he had to feel guilty for being happy, though, had come back with a vengeance. Michael’s lack of response didn’t help.

“No, seriously, we need to go talk to your father. I’ve been looking through that box you got from that farm and those papers at the bottom had invisible ink on it.”

“How the hell did you figure that out?”

“The paper was kinda warped looking and I thought it was water damage, but it wasn’t. Cam pointed it out,” Kyle explained.

“You’re welcome,” she chimed in. Alex didn’t have the brainpower to care about why they were together when Kyle was in the middle of his shift at work.

“So, get this, we tried a couple of different things to get the ink to show up and you know what did? Heat. Not just any kind of heat. 110.3℉.”

Alex stopped walking.

“Michael’s body temperature?”

“Alien body temperature. I think this was a message written to their moms,” Kyle said, “I think it was meant to show when pressed against their body heat. But the problem is, it’s all in that code that my dad wrote in.” 

“Well, put it through the system,” Alex said like it was obvious.

“I did and I’m gonna go pick it up after work, but I already recognize at least one of the symbols as being one of the undecipherable ones,” Kyle said. Alex groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. One of the younger soldiers on base looked at him in concern, but quickly looked away when he caught Alex’s eye. “Maybe the new context will help.”

“Maybe,” Alex sighed, “Look, I’ll stop by after work and see if I can figure it out then later we can go talk to my dad.”

“Got it, Cap,” Cam said. 

“Yeah, got it, I’ll see you then,” Kyle said, “Be safe, Alex.”

“Mhm,” Alex hummed. He ended the call without saying goodbye.

Alex braced his hand against the wall for a moment, his mind feeling a little foggy from the newfound stress. He hated only getting a little bit of information at a time, he wanted everything. Instead, he kept reaching the top of the ladder and having to construct new rungs to go higher. Which was fine when he felt good, but today he wasn’t.

Mindlessly, he checked his phone to see if Michael had texted him back. They’d gotten into a new swing of things where they’d text throughout the day, it was small and casual, but it made him feel like he wasn’t alone ever. But, still, there was no ‘i love you too’ and no excited messages about what he may have found and no subtle complaining about having to spend a day with Rosa.

That stupid mix of a bad day and his constant levels of anxiety had him staring a little too long before he typed out a message and sent.

Alex: are you mad at me?

Read. No response.

-

“Sanders!”

“What are you doin’ here, boy? I said you had the day off.”

Michael’s mind felt like he was going to explode. The long drive from the cabin out here had done nothing but make him angrier. Did Sanders know who his mom was? Did he just keep that from him for all these years?

“Who is Walt Freedman?” Michael demanded. He froze like he’d been caught. Then he shook his head, turning towards his truck.

“I’m not doing this.”

“Tell me who he is!” Michael said, using his powers to slam the truck door closed. Sanders didn’t flinch or look to him in horror, he just sighed and turned back to face him.

“If you’re showin’ off like that, you already know who he is.”

Michael didn’t know what to say to that. He just watched him and tried his damnedest not to fucking lose it. How could someone who was the closest thing to a father figure he had, the only adult who kept his ass off the street some nights, be the same person who lied to him? It didn’t matter if Michael hadn’t bothered to ask, this felt like a firm lie by the omission of truth situation. 

“Why?” Michael asked, “Why didn’t you tell me you knew my mother? Why would you keep that from me?”

“I’m not drunk enough for this.”

“The fuck you are, tell me,” Michael demanded, coming closer. Sanders sighed and looked at him, a pretty pitiful look on his face. Michael just didn’t know who the pity was for. Then he gestured towards the chairs around the fire pit outside the airstream that was hardly even of use anymore.

“Fine.”

Michael eyed him, swallowing hard. It felt like it was too easy. But, still, he nodded and they went to sit.

For the next hour, Michael did his best to listen. He kept getting the urge to butt in, to challenge him, to ask why he could trust him, but instead, he kept his mouth shut and dug his nails into the heel of his palm beneath the bandana.

Sanders detailed stories of their time in that barn, about how kind and strong his mother was and about everything that led up to that day in the barn. She was protective and an engineering genius, something she clearly gave to him. He told him of how he’d only ever seen her leave the barn twice, once where’d she’d gone somewhere at night and once at the fair. Other than that, she was extremely cautious. She was the reason they lasted so long in the first place.

“Do you know where she went that night that she was gone?” Michael asked, “Why would she do that?”

Sanders shrugged haphazardly. “I was just a kid, I didn’t ask.”

“You can’t think of anywhere she might’ve gone?”

“I don’t know, boy.”

“Okay, fine, whatever, none of this explains why you went the last 13 years lying to me,” Michael said, eyeing him, “Did you… did you know it was me?”

Sanders pushed himself up to his feet and Michael scoffed, standing to try and stop him. He wasn’t done talking.

“Miss Nora gave me a map before everything went downhill. I wanted to get the hell out of Roswell, but that stupid map wouldn’t let me. Every once in awhile, I’d go up to check on you three in your little eggs. Then one day, I went and checked and you were gone,” Sanders explained.

“So you did know it was me when you gave me a job and let me sleep on your couch, huh? What the fuck is that about?” Michael demanded. Sanders ignored him and walked off. “You didn’t answer anything!”

“What do you want to hear, huh? You wanna hear that I knew what was goin’ on with you and didn’t try to help? That I didn’t go see you at that home and make sure you were okay? That I didn’t do everything I could to give you somewhere you felt welcome like your mama gave me? Because I did!” Michael felt like he’d been hit in the stomach more than once and he couldn’t seem to find the ability to breathe. “They don’t really like givin’ little boys to washed-up old men with a record.”

Michael tried not to get angry or emotional as he went back to his truck, tried to keep himself as Sanders drove off. He fell back in the chair and tried to ignore the choking feeling in his throat. He didn’t know what to do with that information. In fact, he hated it. He rejected it. He could process it later because, right now, it didn’t make sense. What was the point of saying all that if, for the last two decades, he’d just been lied to? 

Now what? He got all the information he could possibly get. There physically wasn’t anymore he could learn about his mother. He knew everything from Caulfield and he knew whatever firsthand account Sanders had from before that, and now what? Now he was just done?

It wasn’t enough.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, forcing him to be coherent for a few seconds as he pulled it out. It was from Alex, a message asking if he was mad at him. The simple answer was no, but he knew well enough that if he tried to get involved in a conversation with Alex right now, he would get mad. Right now, Alex was another person who was lying to him. That helped no one.

So, instead, he shoved his phone back in his pocket and headed towards the Wild Pony to drink away his feelings.

-

Alex was tired but determined as ever. 

The paper translated, loosely, into a warning that a raid was going to happen at the barn. Someone had taken the time to not only learn written alien language to communicate with them but had also warned them. It took Alex a few minutes to realize that whoever wrote it lied about the date or they themselves had been lied to. Alex didn’t know which one to believe.

But, regardless of what it was, someone had warned them. Kyle was right, though, there were a handful of symbols that couldn’t be translated. Yet, somehow, the letters M.V.C. had come through in the signature. It was a claim that they were on their side. That made exactly no sense.

Alex couldn’t wait any longer, though, and sat outside of the hospital until Kyle’s shift was over and only checked his phone to see if Michael had responded once. Cam met him there and the two of them climbed into Alex’s car without argument. He filled them in on what it said and how none of it actually made any fucking sense. If it was a lie, why would they bother mentioning M.V.C.? If it was true, was M.V.C. good? If it was good, why did his father have any part in it?

They pulled up to the Manes family home, two vehicles parked outside to show that Flint couldn’t seem to leave home. Alex almost felt bad for him. Almost.

“What’s the plan?” Cam asked as Alex watched the porch light turn on despite the fact the sun hadn’t quite set.

“We explain that we found evidence that the M.V.C. had been in contact with aliens that weren’t in captivity and that we know two of the heads of the trident, so might as well give up the other one,” Alex said.

“Okay, but what does he gain by giving us that information? We need to make it worth his while,” Cam pointed out. Alex sighed and fished the dog tags from his pocket. He knew his father and he knew that he would all but had a shrine to all the Manes men that came before him. Surely he’d take these with gracious hands.

“I got it,” Alex said.

Kyle’s hand landed on his shoulder, all but forcing Alex to give him his attention.

“You good?”

“Just tired,” Alex said, giving a small smile, “But if we figure out who the third head is, I’ll be doing great so let’s make it happen.”

“Let’s.”

The three of them got out of the car and headed for the front door. Alex had the strong urge to just let himself in, but he figured playing nice would get him a long way. So, instead, he knocked and waited.

Flint answered the door.

“What do you want, Alex?” he said, voice hushed like he was trying to warn him to leave. Alex almost felt bad for him again. But, still, he smiled. 

“I need to talk to my dad,” he said. Flint just stared at him and shook his head so subtly that Alex almost called him out for it. He wanted to call him out for it. “Okay, if you don’t want me to, maybe you can give me some answers.”

Flint closed his eyes and looked over his shoulder before stepping out of the house, closing the door behind him.

“Really?” Cam asked, “Are you that scared?” The way he looked at her said yes.

“What do you want to know?” Flint asked. Alex raised an eyebrow.

“You expect me to believe that it’s this easy?”

“I expect you to believe that he’s worse,” Flint said, giving him a look that made his blood run cold, “I don’t want you going near him. I don’t… I don’t know what the hell he’s up to, but it’s nothing good. He’s talking to old friends he hasn’t talked to since Mom left. I don’t want you getting caught up in that.”

“I’m already caught up in it,” Alex scoffed, shaking his head, “If it’s so bad, why are you still here?”

“And leave him unsupervised? Yeah, fuck that,” Flint said, eyes drifting to Cam and Kyle and then back to Alex, “You guys are tight-knit.”

“That’s none of your concern,” Alex said, “Why don’t you go ahead and tell me what you know about M.V.C.? You wouldn’t give Cam much, but that was before I had more information. So fill in some blanks for me.”

Flint had a look of near dread on his face and he tilted his head back, taking a steadying breath.

“You need to stop looking into this,” he said.

“Yeah, that’s not going to happen. If it’s affecting my life, I’m not going to just stop,” Alex said. He didn’t quite elaborate that, while he could probably get out unscathed, he couldn’t do it on a good conscience. Not when being blind meant putting Michael at risk. Fuck all of that. “I know that it’s Manes and Valenti and another family. And I also know that they were in contact with aliens back in the 40s who weren’t in captivity. They warned them about the raid. Why would they do that?”

Flint looked around again, eyes going to a camera by the door that had been there since Alex was in high school. He also knew that it had no audio. He pulled out the dog tags.

“Tell me what I need to know and then bring this to dad as a consolation prize, got it?” he said. Flint shook his head.

“I don’t get you, Alex.”

“Yeah, that makes two of us,” Alex said right back, “Just tell me.”

“I don’t know how they made contact in the 40s, but I know that M.V.C. originated as an organization to help integrate aliens into American society,” Flint said, voice soft like he was scared he’d still be overheard. Alex furrowed his eyebrows. “It was started by the younger generations of our families at the time; it was supposed to be helpful.”

“How the hell did it turn into what it was, then?” Alex asked, “Because there was nothing helpful or humane about torture.”

“Yeah,” Flint said, again eyeing the camera. He tilted his head away so his lips couldn’t be read if someone were to be watching the video. “Yeah, that’s because it was taken over by the older members and changed into something else. They spent years saying that they were doing it for good, but it wasn’t. It’s not what it was meant to be and it hasn’t been for a long time.”

“And yet you’re a part of it,” Alex said blatantly. Flint looked at him and then Kyle and then Cam, each looking seeming deliberate.

“Didn’t really have a choice,” he said, “But you do.”

“I know I do,” Alex responded. Flint locked eyes with him and nodded.

“You do. You all do,” he said, slow and making more eye contact than necessary as he reached for the tags in Alex’s hand. Things seemed to click and Alex was torn between feeling absolute dread and wanting to dance on the fucking rooftops. He should’ve known. “I’ve gotta get back to Dad. Thanks for the dog tags.”

“Wait, you didn’t tell us who‒“

“Shut up, Valenti,” Cam said, voice stern. Alex managed to keep his face schooled, but he was feeling more positive than he’d had all day.

Answers were great.

“See you around, Flint,” Alex said, giving a curt nod.

“You too.”

The three of them went back to the truck and Alex waited until he started the engine and locked the doors before he let his smile show.

“Holy fuck,” Cam scoffed, sharing his smile as he put the car in reverse, “Holy fuck.”

“Am I missing something?” Kyle asked, leaning in between the front seats. Alex’s excitement kept building and he slammed his hands against the steering wheel, Cam matching the action with unbridled, uncharacteristic laughter. “Definitely missing something, did he drug you both?”

“No, you dumbass,” Cam said, voice lighter than ever as she turned to face him, “M.V.C. Manes, Valenti, Cameron.”

“Holy fuck,” Kyle joined in, shocked laughter starting to spill from him too, “So, that’s why he recruited you? And we have another avenue to find new information from people that don’t know what we know?”

“Fuck yes we do!” Alex cheered, feeling like he was going to burst. Yes. Finally. Something new. Something good. 

“Brand new generation,” Cam said, “Children of the goddamn alien revolution.”

“This is the most lively I’ve seen either of you and I love it,” Kyle laughed.

And Alex loved it too. Maybe there was a reason for why his day started off so shitty.

Otherwise, this wouldn’t have felt so fucking good.

-

“Funny seeing you here.”

“Funny indeed. Whiskey.”

Maria eyed him but poured him a glass. He downed it pretty much immediately. It burned more than he was used to considering it’d been a hot minute since he’d had anything stronger than a glass of wine on Christmas in months. Alex wasn’t exactly the type to drink a lot, so it felt like a deliberate act if he’d gone to get alcohol. And now since Rosa was staying with them, there was definitely no alcohol in the house. He’d unintentionally gotten basically sober. Who knew.

“How’s life?” Maria asked as she poured him another glass which was weird in itself. Then again, these last few weeks were probably the longest they’d gone without seeing each other in over a decade. He huffed a laugh just thinking about it.

“Depends, I guess. Somehow better than ever and also worse because everything is a lie,” he vented.

“Like what?” Maria asked, leaning towards him. Michael glanced up from his glass to her curious eyes. He wondered if she’d come around from her assumptions or if she was simply just playing nice. It seemed impossible to tell.

“Nothin’ with Alex if that’s what you’re asking.” It wasn’t a complete lie.

Maria rolled her eyes and pushed off the bar. 

“Look, the way I acted was shitty, so can we act like it didn’t happen?” Maria asked. Michael eyed her and shrugged.

“You still think me liking Alex is just a phase?” Again, she rolled her eyes.

“No, I don’t. I get it‒loving Alex is easy,” she said. He gave a pathetic little smile.

“You have no idea,” he breathed, taking another sip. Maria just watched him with a thoughtful look on her face. He tilted his head. “What?”

“You really love him.”

“I really, really love him,” Michael sighed, nodding.

“Then why kiss me? If you’ve been in love with Alex since high school, then why even look my way?” Maria wondered. Michael stared at his drink, trying to give her a reason even though he didn’t really have one. Things were weird and he didn’t even know. Now, he couldn’t imagine not going to Alex when he was sad.

And yet, he was sad now, and he’d come here instead of going home to Alex. Maybe that’s what happens when the two people who had no reason to lie were, in fact, lying.

“Me ‘n Alex are… really fucked up,” he admitted with a soft laugh, shaking his head, “Nothing goes right with us.”

“Are you still staying with him?” she asked him. Michael shrugged and nodded. “Well, if you’ve been staying with him for that long, then something’s going right.”

“Nah, it’s not like that.”

“Well, what’s it like?”

“We’re just friends.”

“Are you? Can two people who love each other like that and live in the same house and spend all their time together be just friends?” Maria asked. He looked at her for a moment.

“Yes. If you knew the rest of the context, you’d say yes too.”

“Well, then give me context,” she said. Michael furrowed his eyebrows. “I’m trying to be a good friend here.” He gave a long sigh. Was Alex home yet? Could he go and get forehead kisses and cuddles yet? Or would that involve lying too?

“Context is a hard thing to give.”

“Try me.”

Michael sighed and lulled his head back to look at her. 

“Today I learned that the only two people who I never expected to lie to me have been lying to me for a long time. Alex included,” Michael said dryly, “And that’s got me a little more than fucked up.”

“I’m sure Alex at least has a good reason,” Maria said. She didn’t seem shocked by that admission and it had Michael wondering if she knew more than she let on. He honestly wouldn’t be surprised if she did. “He cares about you, so.”

“Why do you care all the sudden?” he asked. She gave a half-hearted smile.

“I want Alex to be happy. He’s happy with you.”

“How would you know that? You’ve never seen us together.”

Maria leaned forward again. “No, but Alex is ridiculously giving. I didn’t realize just how much he actually wanted you until that day in his cabin. He was being as nice as possible, but he wasn’t going to just let you go without a fight. He wouldn’t do that for just anyone.”

Michael sighed and closed his eyes, trying to believe that. 

He somehow managed to stay until dark and, by the time he got to the cabin, it was still. The porch light was on, but Michael would bet money that Alex was already in bed. Which meant he couldn’t talk about the Sanders thing with him. He wasn’t going to dump that on him when he was all tucked in for the night. He could talk to him about all the lying in the morning.

When he let himself in, though, Alex was waiting for him in the hallway, leaning on his crutches. He blinked a couple of times before locking the door back and started heading towards the man who looked weirdly happy. Not that that was a bad thing, but it was definitely weird and it felt like an insulting juxtaposition to the way Michael felt in the moment. Michael took a step forward and Alex nodded to the couch.

Michael walked towards it and picked up the small, shiny key that was on the pillow he used when he’d slept every night on Alex’s couch. When he looked over to Alex, he was just watching him from the hallway and seeming to be deliberate with the amount of space between them.

“What’s this?” he asked, holding it up.

“A key to my house.”

“I can pick locks with my brain, you know that, right?” Michael said. But Alex didn’t react. He gave a small, controlled smile and pushed off the wall.

“I also know you like metaphors.”

Alex turned easily and disappeared into his bedroom, leaving Michael standing there and wondering why his skin felt like it was on fire. Maybe Maria was right. Maybe they weren’t just friends. Maybe they could be more. Maybe it didn’t matter that Alex was lying.

Michael followed him to bed like a lost dog, eager for something more. Something that wasn’t just lies or that completely changed the way his entire life worked. He needed Alex to be open to him. Honesty could come later.

He dropped the key in his pocket and sped up, catching Alex’s elbow as he reached the doorway. Alex turned to him easily and rested his crutches against the wall, smiling like the sun had shined just for him. Michael didn’t understand why and, the longer he stared, the more he didn’t care. He wanted to feed off of Alex’s bright mood and maybe, just maybe, make sense of the chaos in his mind.

Someone wanted him. Two people wanted him. And they were both liars. How was he supposed to feel okay about that?

“I found out the third head of the trident,” Alex said, giddy fingers dancing up Michael’s arms and landing on his neck.

“I found out who the little boy was,” Michael said back, drier than Alex as he watched him. Alex’s eyes widened with joy and a smile grew on his face.

“So that’s why you didn’t text me back,” he laughed softly, fingers fiddling with his hair, “That’s amazing, who is he? Did you call him or go see him? What’d you learn? Oh my God, honestly, I feel like we’ve finally just‒”

Michael silenced him with a kiss. He didn’t want to talk. The more they talked, the more it would become apparent that Alex wasn’t going to be honest about everything. He was keeping that goddamn piece from him and it was getting harder to justify now that he knew everyone was capable of lying to him for years.

“Michael,” Alex said as he pulled away with a soft gasp, eyes wide, “We should probably‒”

“I don’t want to talk,” Michael said. Alex searched his eyes.

“You’ve been drinking,” he pointed out. Michael took a heavy breath and rolled his eyes.

“I’m not drunk and I don’t want to talk.”

Alex, his excitement not seeming to fade, just surged forward for another kiss. He was all smiles as he did so. Clearly, his judgment was clouded by his joy. Michael found himself ungodly jealous of that. 

Instead of expressing that, he tried to walk Alex back a step only to discover that it was a little bit harder when he only had one leg to work with at the moment. So, instead, Michael’s hands went to the back of his thighs and he lifted him with ease. Laughter bubbled out of the airman, something that hadn’t been there since he was a teenager. He was so, so happy. And still fucking lying.

Michael took him to the bed, kissing him a little rougher each time his smile skewed the kiss that preceded it. He slammed the door closed with his telekinesis, locking it mentally before easily moving Alex up so his head hit pillows. Again, he laughed and Michael silenced him with his tongue.

“I missed this,” Alex breathed as Michael started stripping him, desperate to escalate things so that maybe, just maybe, he could stop thinking, “I missed you.”

Michael broke contact just long enough to rid himself of his shirt and he looked down at Alex, seeing him still smiling up at him like this was okay. Like nothing was wrong. Like everything was great. How did something like that make him so angry and so happy at the same time?

He stopped looking at his face, instead of moving to tear Alex’s sweats and boxers off him completely. It was a little sloppy, a little reckless, and Alex just kept laughing like this was funny. Michael didn’t get why this was funny. What was so funny about sleeping with someone you were lying to? 

Alex grabbed him, pulling him back up so they face to face. He still had his jeans and his boots on, but Alex was bare and he didn’t seem to be phased by that. He was just comfortable with it in a way he had never been. He pulled Michael in for a kiss, one that was soft and slow and he refused to let Michael set the pace for. He held him that kiss, calloused fingers caressing his cheek and forcing him to calm down. Forcing his mind to shut up.

“I love you,” Alex said against his lips, his fingers sliding into his hair while his other hand dragged up and down his spine. Part of him wanted to cry. A bigger part of him wanted to empty his mind even more.

“Love you too,” Michael said back, pushing himself up and onto his knees to unbuckle his belt. Alex’s hands went to help him.

For a moment, he wondered what this meant.

But then, he realized, it didn’t fucking matter. Nothing did.

[dc41896]

Valentine’s Special

Pairing: Lewis Tan x Black Reader

Warning(s): None💕

A/N: So this was supposed to come out on Valentine’s Day, but things got a little hectic so I couldn’t finish it when I wanted. However although it’s a little late, I hope you guys like it!! 😊

“I wanna be, where the people are. I wanna see, wanna see em dancing!”

“Not today you don’t girl trust me,” you speak to yourself, taking a bite of your Hershey’s bar.

Being with Lewis, you know there would be times that he’d be away filming. And while you were understanding how that was part of the job, that didn’t take away the pain of being away from him. Especially on days like today.

Although it was adorable seeing everyone with their Valentine’s Day cards and gifts, it did put you more in your feelings since you were alone. He messaged you earlier in the morning saying how much he missed and loved you, and had a beautiful bouquet of various flowers sent to the apartment, which made you smile, but it wasn’t the same as having him physically there.

So here you were, sitting on the couch watching Disney movies and eating chocolate to try to brighten your mood.

“Alright bish grab ya stuff and let’s go!!,” your best friend, Hailey, shouts coming through your front door.

“Remind me to take back my key,” you respond sitting up.

“1. Rude 2. You’re not having a pity party because you’re alone today are you?”

“No. I can’t just watch Disney movies in peace?”

“You can, but I know you and when you watch the princess movies, that means you’re in your feelings,” she answers with a smug smile as if to say “tell me I’m wrong I dare you.”

“Ok I may be a little in my feelings because Lewis isn’t here.”

“Mhmm I know.” Sitting beside you on the couch, she lightly rubs your back as she embraces you in a hug.

“It’s gonna be ok. Mr. Long, Tan, and Handsome will be back before you know it.”

“I can’t stand you,” you laugh smacking her arm as you both pulled away. Ever since they first met, they were always going back and forth with each other. It was as if they were long lost siblings with how much teasing they did.

“Alright now go and get dressed so we can go out! I’m not letting you stay in this apartment all day.”

“Fine, I’ll go,” you dramatically sigh, standing up to do as you were told.

“Ohh and do a full beat too! You might be in your feelings, but as your bestie I’m also not letting you out looking any less than the queen you are.”

“Aww thanks LeLe!”

“You’re welcome! Now hurry up because I’m starting to get hungry.”

“And you call me the rude one,” you laugh walking to your room to get ready.

———

“Y/N!!! You look so pretty in that!!!,” Hailey gushes like a proud mom sending her daughter off to prom.

Wearing a dark blue slightly asymmetrical mini skirt with a grey long sleeve top, you give a small twirl while batting your lashes.

“Yasss look at how bomb my best friend looks y’all!!,” she says while holding her phone and circling around you.

“Shh there are other people in this store!,” you whisper, laughing as you try to block the camera.

“They’ll be alright. Ohh you know what would look super cute with that?! These boots!”

Black, suede, and fitted like sock, the block heeled booties were gorgeous and would definitely go well with the outfit. That is until you saw the price.

“Um did you see the price though? These boots are $80! Put that together with this outfit I’m looking at $150.”

“Don’t worry about it, I got it taken care of.”

“Hailey if you’re thinking about stealing so help me-,”

“No! What kind of person do you think I am?,” she gasps, feigning as if she’s been offended. “My friend works here and owes me a few favors so I got all this at a good price.”

“Wait, you mean you already paid for this?!”

“And the shoes,” Hailey adds, showing off the boot as if she was on the Price is Right.

“I know you’re gonna try to say no, but I’m your friend and want to treat you to something nice, also don’t worry about my hookup she won’t get in trouble I promise.”

You still wanted to protest and tell the employee to redo everything, but then again everything was already done so there was nothing you could really do.

“Thank you Hailey, you really didn’t have to do this. I promise to pay you back,” you smile hugging her.

“I know I didn’t have to, I wanted to though! And if you try to give me money I’ll smack it out of your hand and stuff it back in your purse!,” she laughs.

“So rude and violent. Alright let me change and we can go eat, I know you’re starving.”

“Orrr...you can just wear that out the store!”

“Is that allowed?”

“Yea! Right Kasey?,” she asks turning towards the brunette behind the counter, who nods with a smile before walking over to the two of you to help take off the tags.

———

Singing to the top of your lungs as you drove through town listening to the radio, you were happy to finally have your mind off of feeling alone. And yea you still missed Lewis, but having your friend keep you company definitely took some of those sad feelings away. You still tried to check here and there to see if he updated his stories, but Hailey always managed to take your phone just as you opened the app.

“The point of today is to get you OUT of your feelings not back into it,” she’d always say before cutting your screen off and handing it back to you.

After some time, you finally arrived to your destination making you instantly turn to look at Hailey in disbelief.

“I thought the point was for me to not be in my feelings?,” you ask, arms crossed in front of you. “This is where Lewis and I went on our first date.”

“Ok first of all, we’ve known about this place way before you and fist of fury started dating so this is equally our spot as much as it is yalls. Second, I’m sorry that they have bomb milkshakes which I’m in the mood for and know you’re always down for, so let’s go.”

Sliding out of the car, you both enter the unusually empty diner. Hailey literally bouncing as she entered the booth with her menu in hand, and you missing Lewis more than ever as you reminisce on your first date and the other good times you’ve had.

“Here let me take your picture. Not only do you look super cute, but you can send it to your man to show where you went today.”

“Nooo just let me order my food please,” you groan like a toddler begging to play longer.

“Me taking your picture is not gonna affect you ordering,” she replies with a laugh. “Now c’mon smile.”

With your chin propped on your hand, you smile before taking a couple more pictures making silly faces.

“Ok so far this one is my favorite and I think you’ll love it too.”

Turning the phone towards you, you immediately feel tears threaten to fall and surely mess up your makeup. While you were smiling, over your shoulder was Lewis sitting in the booth behind you, with a finger over his lips as he winked while holding a small black box.

“Happy Valentine’s Day love!,” he smiled as you turned around to face the love of your life.

“Are you serious right now?!,” you ask, watching as he gets down on one knee.

“Yes I am, and I hope you feel the same when I ask you Y/F/N Y/M/N Y/L/N if you don’t mind spending the rest of your life with me and be my wife?”

“Yes, of course I’ll be your wife!,” you smile as he slides the circular diamond ring on your finger before kissing you.

“Aww I’m gonna be a maid of honor!,” Hailey claps making both you and Lewis laugh.

“Wait aren’t you supposed to be filming in Canada?”

“I am, but we got a break for a couple of days so I planned this whole thing out with the help of jabber jaws over here,” he replies tilting his head towards Hailey.

“Listen you just got engaged and I’m trying to be nice jolly green giant,” she retorts making him roll his eyes.

“You were the one that bought the outfit too weren’t you? And that explains why someone said I should do a full beat.”

“Yea I gave Hailey my card info and told her to treat you to anything you wanted. Whatever store you were in, I called to make sure there were no problems with her trying to use it. Also might I add you look gorgeous as always.”

Leaning in, Lewis kisses you again pulling you closer towards him as Hailey jokingly gags, making him flick her off before pulling away.

“Well it looks like my job here is done, so I’m gonna leave you love birds to it.”

“What about your milkshake?”

“Oh I’m still gonna get it. I know you guys probably want some alone time though so I’ll see you later,” she waves as she stands up beside the booth. “Also if my future niece/nephew happens to be conceived tonight, I will gladly accept them being named after me.”

“Bye Hailey,” you and Lewis reply at the same time with a laugh.

“And thanks for helping Hailey, this couldn’t have happened without you,” he adds with a smile.

“No problem, yall are my family you know I’d do anything for you guys.” Blowing you both kisses, she grabs her Oreo milkshake before walking out the glass doors to get in her car.

“So you like your surprise?”

“I love it, which reminds me,” you start before smacking him in the arm. “How could you play with my emotions like that?!”

“Ow! I didn’t do it to be mean, it was for your surprise. I sowwy!,” pouting his lips, he gently joins his forehead with yours before continuously pecking your lips until you giggled.

“Alright in this case you’re forgiven. But try not to make a habit out of it, I don’t know if my heart can take it.”

“Anything you say Mrs. Tan,” he smiles chuckling as he places an arm around your shoulders and kisses your forehead.

Taglist: @crushed-pink-petals @fumbling-fanfics @honeychicana @lady-olive-oil @themyscxiras @melinda-january @lovelymari4 @beautym3 @nunubug99 @felicity-x0 @ellixthea @jojolu @jnk-812 @brwn-sgr @captainsamwlsn @itshinothey @wildfirecracker @nina-sj

If anybody wants to be tagged, has asked to be tagged but don’t see your name, or only wants to be tagged for certain people I write for just let me know🤓!

[juiceboxman]

So I took Siobhan’s advice and listened to the BBC’s radio adaptation of the Lord of the Rings from the 80′s

It’s pretty good, you can listen to it here https://soundcloud.com/inkmore/sets/lord-of-the-rings-radio 

I had some issues with it but I liked it for the most part. I’m not a massive LoTR fan, only watched the films so I don’t know much, but here are the thoughts I had.

I once heard someone describe Hobbits and the Shire as “drama free people” after listening to this series, that’s obviously not the case. Hobbits seem to live for the drama, always talking shit behind one anothers back. I think Tolkien was trying to satirise rural or village life in England and I think he did a good job depicting how petty people can be.

Sam is a working class hero and Frodo doesn’t deserve him.

I understand how people can like Sam/Frodo because there is massive gay vibes coming off them. Personally I interpreted it to be unrequited and an example of some class division, with Sam being working class and Frodo being middle class. The amount of dedication and support Sam shows Frodo I don’t think Frodo would show back if the roles were reversed. I feel like its a very one sided relationship with Sam putting in way more effort than Frodo.

Bilbo’s whole thing seems to be that he went on a gap year once that turned out quite bad and now he kinda lives like a hermit.

I don’t know how reliable to the books the Radio series is, but I feel like the movies do more justice to stuff. Like in the Radio drama Gandalf makes his first appearance by just coming through the door and Bilbo is like “ah, Gandalf” and...that’s it. Movie version was better in my opinion.

I think the radio drama does a lot better to explain what the ring of power does than the movies. I always got confused by what the ring does, like in the movies all it seems to do is turn people invisible and make them into heroin addicts. With the radio I kinda understand more about it. Like the ring’s power kinda depends on the wearer, like a Hobbit could simply use it for invisibility and expanding their life force but a King could use it to control the minds of an entire enemy army and a Wizard could do even more. But it’s still vague and I presume Tolkien intended it to be, like it’s just a representation of the concept of power and this world’s equivalent of a deal with the devil. Power or wishes may be commanded but they will ultimately corrupt you.

Time in the books seem wild. Like at one point Gandalf says that Bilbo has gone off and he himself will start researching the ring and then twelve years go by and Frodo has just been fucking about, forgot that the ring even existed and Gandalf comes back and is like “oh yeah, ring is bad”

Also, Frodo is 50 when he leaves the shire???? Jesus 

Also, were the Nazgul just running about for 12 years looking for the ring? Like at one point the Nazgul knocked on some Hobbit’s door asking about Frodo and the Hobbit told him to go fuck himself and slammed a door- to a NAZGUL

Aragon’s voice in this radio drama is...way off. Like it sounds like Greg Davies. You don’t really have the soft voice of Viggo Mortinstein but the gruff righteous voice of the Principal from the Inbetweeners 

Elrond denying Aragon to marry his daughter until he becomes king of Gondor is like a stern dad refusing you to date his daughter until you get a real job.

Also Aragon gets the reforged sword, like, immediately when they leave Riverdale. Which is a bit weird to me.

It makes sense why Frodo is trusted with the ring. A king couldn’t be trusted because he’d use it for conquest. A Wizard could overthrow Sauron but in doing so would become just as bad so you’re back to square one. With a Hobbit, there is no desire for conquest or any wish for power outside of simply having the ring. Even when Golum had it all he used it for was to hunt fish and extend his life cycle. I’m curious of whether if Sam had carried the ring all the way to Mordor if he could will himself to destroy it or would he have failed like Frodo. 

Gimly and Legolas’ friendship is so cute. Like they start off disliking eachother but bond over their prowess in combat and plan out a gap year after the whole fellowship where they see the sights of middle earth. So wholesome

I don’t understand why they didn’t just kill Golum. Like I know he was important to find the way to Mordor and was ultimately necessary to destroy the ring after Frodo failed, but like the idea of “don’t kill him because of pity and he also probably has a part to play” is bullshit to me. Like he’s so gross and troublesome. It’s the same excuse Jedi have with “oh you can’t kill a Sith Lord because striking them down means you need to embrace the dark side” bitch Luke Skywalker round house kicked a guy into a Sarlack Pick- whaddya mean he can’t kill this wrinkly ass Emperor??? Ethical mental gymnastics are mind blowing.

For me the moment that made me really dig the series was when the Fellowship disbanded. Like shit hit the fan and everyone’s forced to do their own shit, really engaging storytelling.

The series is quite short when you consider all the battles are short cutted. Like in the radio drama you’ll hear a series of grunts for 30 seconds and then a song about how bad that battle was. I guess it would take a lot to depict a battle purely by means of audio.

Seriously the series is quite short, like it’s 13 hour long episodes and by episode five I’m like “oh shit we’re starting the second book already? Damn” It felt half the time there was so much stuff cut out I don’t know why

I think the radio drama is best suited for people who have either watched the movies or read the books. Like I don’t think it’s well suited for people who haven’t seen LoTR content before. Like the scene with the Balrog there is no description of what it looks like.

Also, Gandalf fought the Balrog from the deepest dungeons to the tip of the mountain? Damn, Gandalf’s leg day must be intense

I love the introduction of Treebeard and the Ents. Like you get this horrific imagery with warring Orcs and other evil creatures and then turn a hard 180 to these hilarious tree people. I guess that’s why the LoTR is so great. Because you do get those hard, gruesome battles but you also get these lovely peaceful wholesome scenes.

Quick question, how do you meet a guy called Saruman and then be surprised that he’s the bad guy? It’s the same deal with Victor VonDoom.

Also, did Tolkien have to have all the big villains names sound so similar?

Man, Tolkien loves having people end up together. With the Horse Princess who got friendzoned by Aragorn meeting up with that guy from Gondor. You love to see it

So like, was the King of Nazgul just talking shit or can he not be killed by a man? Like could anyone kill him by stabbing him the face or did the Horse Princess just find a loophole?

At one point this woman kinda makes fun of this flower called Kings Seed or some shit and Aragon basically calls her a THOT 

Kinda sad the series didn’t have more dragons. Like I would have liked to see a huge black dragon at the final battle at Mordor. But that’s just me, I love me some dragons

Also, the final battle at the gates of Mordor is so endearing. Like they don’t even know if Frodo and Sam are still alive but they go to war anyway because they believe they are and in doing so keep the eye of Sauron off of them. It’s really heart warming

The radio’s version of the destruction of the ring is kinda anticlimactic. Like I said it’s better with the dialogue than it is at the representation of physical actions like combat. Like if you didn’t know what happened at the end of the lord of the rings and you were listening to this you would have no idea that Golum fell into the lava with the ring 

I love the owner of the Prancing Pony’s reaction to Aragon becoming King of Gondor. It’s like “hey, remember that guy you saw shit in the woods that one time? Yeah he’s the President”

Also Sam’s Pony lives at the end of it. Love to see it. I feel like Tolkien read his first draft to his kids and they were like “what happened to Sam’s pony?” and he was like “uh, yeah, the pony....the pony lived! yes! the pony found its way back to town” you can tell this story is vibing on a different level than GoT or ACOC

Hobbits returning to the Shire fucking shit up like level 16 PCs returning to the town they started the campaign in

Also, all the Hobbits in the shire have no idea what the fuck went down? Like I understand they live in the middle or nowhere but that’s astounding 

It’s so funny what ends up happening to Saruman. Like he goes from being the second in command of the Dark Lord to being a shitty local businessman in a Village in Yorkshire

I can see how people can really get into the LotR. Like a world like GoT is just fucked beyond compare and any happy ending will be bittersweet at most. But here you have an ending where the characters leave the world better than when they found it

Frodo asking Sam to live with him was him totally trying to get with Sam, right? And Sam was like “oh that’s nice Frodo, but I have gf” and Frodo’s like “oh that’s alright, she can move in too!” it’s like watching a man back step his request for love by inviting a family into his home. You missed your shot Frodo! You had a whole year with Sam and you blew it!

Sam ultimately moving on from Frodo with his thicc Hobbit gf is the character development we deserved

That said, in the movies Sam getting a gf was a thing at the end of the third movie- like he’d been so shy before hand but after almost dying he’s like “fuck it, might as well give my shot” but here in radio drama he...had a gf all along? Like we only hear about her in the final episode and he’s like “oh yeah, my gf ain’t too happy. I left her for a year to fuck about with you so now I need to marry her. Woops” very startling

Also love how Tolkien represented PTSD with Frodo. I don’t think works of Fantasy like this before Tolkien really did this stuff justice. That said the ending is a bit weird. Like I understand that the “Undying Lands” are supposed to reflect Tolkien’s belief in Catholicism, Eternal Life and Heaven. But it’s really hard to not interpret the ending as Frodo as struggling to deal with his PTSD so he commits suicide. Because the Undying Lands is a place that Sam cannot follow. It’s heart breaking but that’s the vibe I got off the ending.

So yeah, there’s my thoughts. It’s pretty good but I’d only recommend the series to anyone who’s either seen the movies or read the books. If this was your first introduction to LOTR I don’t know if that would be any good. 

Also, while we’re here I recommend Escape from the Bloodkeep from Dimension 20. It’s  DnD actual play series that is a slight parody of LOTR. It’s really good.

[ziracona]

Benedict head canons? How does he mingle with the rest of the gang

Benedict is an incredibly odd mix of “Polite and socially adept by nature” and “the world’s most awkward man due to the fact he’s stuck almost 200 years after he lived.” He’s fairly adaptable, and learned a lot from other survivors as the cycled in and out of the realm, and worked hard to be able to keep up to date, but he’s also been punched on many occasions in the realm for saying or doing something he had no idea was going to get that kind of reaction. This is left him uhhhhhhhh extremely cautious saying things, and it’s not unusual for him to pause mid sentence and check facial expressions with sudden concern, afraid he’s fucked up again, but it’s super funny the kinds of things that lead him to do this. For example: was afraid that he might be suckerpunched for saying “Things really have changed a lot. I would have thought four unwed adults of different sexes sharing an apartment to attend college together would be looked on as a little scandalous, since no one could know the situation.” (About Claudette, Quentin, Nancy, and Philip all sharing an apartment to go to college) and was also deeply afraid after he said it that saying “Wow! The idea of standard middle class transportation has changed so drastically. To think an automobile like this is considered average,” might be some kind of class-offensive statement, and stopped right after both with a horrified look on his face waiting to see what the damage was. Which, in both cases, was none, but a lot of amusement from the person he was talking to. He does have a tendency in past of accidentally putting his foot in his mouth, but honestly, he’s gotten pretty good at adapting to the times and was never that bad. Alex Lin really just liked putting him in a world of hurt for everything he ever did because she thought it was hilarious, and Benedict could never tell which things were partially jokes and which were sincere, coming from her. Got beat up the first time he met her, because he told her to stay behind a rock and let him run a distraction for her since she was a lady and it was his duty to protect her if he could. She broke his nose with one hit and told him she’d break his fingers with her platform boots if he ever called her a “lady” again, and to stick the sanctimonious crap up his ass, she could take care of herself better than he could, and he instantly fell in love. Has Alex to thank for his paranoia, but probably also for how little he actually does put his foot in his mouth anymore.

Benedict is very proper, and still kind of dresses like he’s from the wrong century. He thinks tech is fascinating, but he’s also kind of a grandpa at learning it. Kate and Jane both give him lessons on tech and just society and things that have changed, and it helps a lot. He is super intimidated by the American highway system and taking a tin can hurdling around at 80 miles an hour while other drivers shoot past you, and afraid of driving, but Kate gives him slow lessons until while still afraid to drive on highways, he’s okay with taking residential roads and driving a bit, despite the way American drivers can get in big cities even just on their way to the drugstore. Kate knew him a little in-realm, so she’s one of the ones closest to him, and enjoys him a lot. She thinks it’s kind of sweet how gentlemanly and polite he is, and how he’s so fascinated by like, cigarette lighters in cars and automatic supermarket doors, and her ancient handheld tennis ball sized electronic 20 questions game. Jane likes him too, and they’re research buddies a lot. He can focus for hours and hours over the dustiest old times, and actually, he can read a lot of the ancient handwriting on old historical documents before common spellings developed, and it’s kind of a godsend. She also greatly enjoys how casually (and often) he drifts into ethical discussions while he does even the most mundane shit like washing dishes.

While no one but Kate met Benedict in-realm, and he spends the most time with her, and with Jane, who he lives and works with, all of them feel like they know him or like he’s a living legend or both, since they’ve been reading and hanging on his writing for years in-realm. He’s accepted immediately, and has so many common experiences—even if not of the exact same trials—that he kinda just fits like a glove, and is extremely welcomed and a natural addition to the group. Philip and Sally are especially close to him, and it kind of helps bridge the intial, slightly awkward gap. After icebreakers, he drifts from house to house like everyone else, and is like, the weird great uncle to most of the younger survivors. Min loves absolutely bombarding him with tech stuff to watch his eyes glaze over while he drowns trying to keep up with her discussions of bitrate and solid state drives, becuase she’s a little cruel, but she does also help him figure out his first decent phone, so she can be your devil or your only slightly sadistic angel. Claudette loves discussing realm stuff with him, and helping each other on research. Also the only one with any experience with falconing, so he kind of helped Jake get some of his initial setup and gear for Alex the crow figured out.

Benedict collects things from the 21st century, especially simple electronics, and everyone thinks that’s kind of endearing, and start picking out simple gifts to get him when they know they’re gonna see him soon. Singing birthday cards, an old gameboy SP, boom boxes, a record player, laser pointers, magic 8 ball (this actually freaked him out, but he didn’t tell anyone because he was afraid of being made fun of), a Bop It, and all kinds of little lights and decorations that make sound or light or move. He has an ever expanding self of these gifts he calls his “Little Marvels” stand, and he really enjoys it. Has tried taking them apart to understand them better, but is usually overwhelmed. Jake took pity on him and helped him get the extreme basic gist of a circuit board once though, and since then, he has been fascinated. Jane soemtimes comes to the table for breakfast to find Benedict with one of those Kid Science kits on the table and potatoes hooked into wires powering a mini fan going, “Jane! Would you look at this. Isn’t that fascinating? Who knew the PH could have this kind of ability?” She finds this endearing and also weirdly relaxing to wake up to.

Benedict takes notes all the time. On literally everything. Is extremely poetic and writes poetry occasionally when he is overcome by the beauty of something like his first time seeing a park lit up with Christmas lights in fancy sculpture arrays on a crisp December night. Gets book recommendations from Adam and Jane and loves talking shop with them. Is constantly horrified by the news. He’s not used to global news being so all at once or so much. He has a really really hard time adjusting and not being thrown into wild bouts of depression. Jane talks him into giving himself more healthy doses of time away from news so he doesn’t kill his 1860s adjusted brain, and he finally takes the advice and is very grateful for the improved quality of his life.

Loves dogs so much. Not a fan of small dogs though. Not like he hates them, just thinks they’re kind of depressing and bug-eyed usually and feels bad for them. Wants a hound. Ends up getting a Yorkshire Terrier mutt instead because it’s the whimpering thing that follows him down a New Jersey street in a rainstorm after a long day of research with Jane. Doesn’t mean to get a pet period but it’s so pathetic and its foot has been injured by something, maybe a car, so he picks it up and takes it home to warm up and give food to before dropping off at a shelter or vet. It’s so wildly affectionate and has so much love in its disproportionately big eyes he keeps being like “...It can stay a little longer,” until he was wrong and it just lives there now. Names it Missy and gave her a little hairbow. Calls her his research assistant. Jane loves this dog. Benedict was already well accepted and friends with the other survivors, but bringing a pet to a party makes people like you more in this family.

Mostly, Benedict is kind of an old man of a professor. He enjoys chatting, but is hard to drag into the more physical activities, except hikes, which he quite enjoys. He mingled quite a bit more than he expected though, and is deeply happy about how accepted he’s become, and how much he cares about these people and they seem to truly care about him.

[lykosclan]

Pack Member Showcase

Rising Sun - Altin

The first NBW/packmember (aside from Amara) to join the pack, Altin! His name means friend, fitting since he initially wasnt going to stay but the trio became good friends and he stayed with them. He’s the only Vlepo (scout) of the pack so far, will be joined later by someone. Maybe Ruslan, maybe Rhysand, maybe another NBW. He was the sire of the breeding quest pups (Caelum and Ruslan) but he was only Agapo (breed male) for the one time. Currently, hes the hightest leveled in the pack (aside from Hera of course) which makes me wonder about some of his scouting journeys hmmmm

Fluttering Bird - Farren

The second to join the pack on the first day, she came in real handy as night was soon approaching and I didnt have a Mitera (pupsitter) yet. Shes not 100% fleshed out, but I feel like shes the mom of the group (also the eldest) and keeping the young ones out of trouble. She’s a little plain looking, might give her an RMA, but I love her subtle looks anyway. Name means wanderer.

Little Cloud - Kakia

The first more mysterious one, she joined on the first day of Spring which was nice as Amara had been hunting alone previously. Im not really sure about her personality or history, really the one I need to work on the most.

Shaded Moss - Corvina

I originally was on the fence about keeping her but then I had such a great lore idea for Corvina I had to keep her. About a year ago, she had a mate, a brother and pups on the way. Then a mysterious traveler came during a blizzard asking for shelter. They turned them away and were given an ominous warning before they vanished. In the next couple months, the prey was poisoned, her brother died from sickness and her mate was killed by a rival pack when they tried to migrate to better territory. Her kids were stillborn and she wandered alone for the fall and winter. She met a raven friend, Koraki, who helped her along the way. She hangs out more along the outskirts of the pack but would fight tooth and nail for her new family. Shes a strong one, I made her a finisher with Kakia and Amara. Since I cant have her help with chasing or she gains the wrong proficiency points, I like the headcanon that shes absent for 80% of the hunt until she pops outta nowhere to bring down the prey.

Golden Sun - Eos

Shes actually from my friends pack, she found Eos and I wanted to take her in. Due to limited pack space, she spent a day or so in their pack before coming over. Shes a pupsitter with Farren, keeping an eye on Caelum amd Ruslan. Shes a lifesaver honestly, since the boys were born in winter they had real bad survival chances with just Farren. I love her lighter back, such simple markings but shes lovely. Her personality is wrong, saving up for a changer, but I imagine shes soft and warm, contrasting Farrens more ridged demeanor.

Rhysand

The newest member of the pack, Rhysand. I bought him the other day after 3 days of trying to find a good looking nbw in explore. My original plan was to go with a different male but he was bought out before i could get to him. In the end, Im happy with his simple yet handsome markings. Definitely gonna put an rma on him, pretty much everything looks good. Hes a scrappy young fellow, was caught stealing prey from the Clans borders. They were gonna kick him back out but Farren took pity on the orphan and took him under her wing. Planning on making him the Agapo, when he grows up Amara will be in heat so its perfect timing.

[d3-iseefire]

Yet When The Other Doth Far Roam, Chapter One

Summary:

Jane Rebecca Barnes has spent a lifetime protecting Steve Rogers.

She protected him from bullies he seemed to attract like a dog attracted fleas.

She protected him from the winters that did its best to kill him every damn year.

She protected him from her own treacherous heart that refused to see him as a brother no matter how many times her brain gave the order.

She protected him, no matter what it took, no matter what it cost. Even if it meant joining the military. Even it if meant leaving him behind. She did it all without hesitation, without question because it was Steve, and she’d do anything for him.

Because she loved him, and she’d be with him til the end of the line.

No matter what.

Note: This story is a sequel to my FemSteve story, “Gold to Airy Thinness Beat,” and follows the events of “First Avenger” from FemBucky’s POV (meaning we won’t be seeing a lot of the Steve to Cap transformation but will instead be seeing what Bucky went through after she left). The reason it’s a sequel is that the third story in this series is a multiverse story where Stephanie/Bucky will meet Jane (Rebecca)/Steve and also a few others. Then there will be a fourth story following another person we meet in that third story, and maybe a few oneshots. :D

Because I know someone will ask, she has the name Rebecca (and goes by it) because of the third story where there are going to be several Bucky’s running around and I need a way to start telling them all apart. :D

To the several readers who have patiently waited four years (and politely asked along the way): I’m sorry it took so long and I hope it ends up being worth the wait. :)

Rating: T Warnings: None Other Important Tags: Eventual Happy Ever After (I don’t write sad endings. There’s enough of them in real life, without me adding in fictional ones. Also, I literally said in the note that she and Steve would be meeting Stephanie and Bucky in the third story so there ya go!). :) :)

Jane Rebecca Buchanan Barnes, so named to appease both grandmothers and her father's bizarre obsession with the 15th President, stood at the back of the theater and scanned the crowd for the third time. The flickering light from the screen gave her just enough to make out the backs of people's heads and, with a sinking feeling of half-despair and half-resignation, she searched in vain for a particular blond head she already knew she wasn't going to find. 

Dread fell over her, quickly solidifying into what she referred to as the “Steve Rogers Effect.” She’d taken her eyes off him for five seconds and he'd promptly gone and done something stupid. Again.

She spun on her heel and pushed out of the theater and into the cold, and somewhat stagnant air, of Brooklyn. She headed toward the alley that ran alongside the building with the air of a bloodhound locked on a scent and let out a sigh of heartfelt despair as she picked up the telltale sound of a fight.

Insofar as a massive idiot beating up on a guy half his size could be called a fight.

She rounded the corner just in time to see the guy's fist smash into Steve's face with enough force to spin him completely around and send him crashing to the ground like a broken rag doll.

Rebecca’s gut clenched and she sucked in a harsh gasp at how hard her best friend hit the ground, and how still he stayed after. Fear washed over her, along with a near blinding rage that had her almost literally seeing red.

She grabbed the brute’s shoulder and spun him around to face her. He raised his fist, but she was prepared for it. No one willing to beat up on a guy half his size was going to give a rat’s ass about hitting a woman.

She ducked under his haphazard swing and came up inside his guard, if it could even be called that. Before he could process, she snapped the heel of her hand into his jaw, stepped back and put all her weight into a kick straight into what her mother liked to call the family jewels.

Just moments earlier she’d been bemoaning the fact that her new military uniform required her to wear heels. She now thought perhaps they weren’t so bad after all as she watched all the color drain from the brute’s face as he slowly sagged to his knees.

She kept part of her attention on Steve as she waited for the jerk to recover and felt a rush of relief at the sight of him slowly struggling to his feet.

Guess she wasn’t going to get arrested for homicide today after all.

"Get out of here," she ordered the brute as he slowly got to his own feet. She recognized the glazed, drunken look in his eyes, the same her old man used to have right before he decided knocking her mother around was a good idea.

Rebecca stood as straight as possible, once again thanking the heels for the extra couple inches they gave her, and tried to emulate the expression her mother had worn the day she’d finally thrown her husband out the door and told him to never come back.

The guy muttered something under his breath but staggered away, his awkward walk probably brought on by more than just the alcohol she could smell on his breath.

Rebecca didn’t let her relief show on her face. Fights were a simple fact of life when it came to being around Steve Rogers. He had a singular knack for finding trouble, and she’d suffered more than a few cuts and bruises from a lifetime of pulling him out of whatever scrape he’d thrown himself into headfirst.

Even so, she doubted her new superiors would have been impressed had she shown up to ship out sporting a shiny black eye.

She shifted her attention to Steve, confident the bully wasn’t going to change his mind and return. He was fully on his feet and the knots in her stomach loosened at the steadiness in his stance and the clear look in his eyes. He had blood on the side of his lip, and his clothing was mussed, but he didn’t appear to have suffered any lasting injuries.

Mentally, she kicked herself for having been late to the show. If she hadn’t gotten caught up in visiting a few old haunts she’d have made it before Steve got into a fight and he wouldn’t have gotten hurt at all.  

"Should you have been doing that in a skirt?" Steve asked with a slight grin, wiping the blood off the corner of his lip and pantomiming the kick she'd just done.

Rebecca rolled her eyes and managed to hide her irritation. Just once, just once, she’d like to see him put a fraction of the effort into staying safe that she did in keeping him safe. Instead it was always this, quips and jokes like he hadn’t just gotten his bell rung halfway to Newark.

“Shut up, Rogers,” she said, biting back what she’d really like to say. “I swear, sometimes I think you like getting punched."

It was all she could say. Anything else and he’d take it as her pitying him. Steve hated pity. He took it as a challenge to go do something stupid simply to prove he could, and that was the last thing she needed or wanted on her last day in Brooklyn.

"I had him on the ropes," Steve said confidently, blinking rapidly and bending over as a wave of dizziness assailed him.

Rebecca tensed and a muscle in her jaw tightened. Steve Rogers, the walking paradox. Hero complex the size of Brooklyn trapped in a body so frail she was sometimes terrified he'd shatter just from the effort of getting up in the morning. Always ready and willing to help anyone who needed it but hated receiving any help in return.

Except from her. Barely.

He hunched over farther, wheezing as his lungs struggled to draw in air. As she waited for him to recover, and resisted the urge to try and help, Rebecca caught sight of papers scattered on the ground. She crouched to pick one up, and frowned as she recognized the form. An enlistment sheet, with the word “rejected” stamped across the front. She’d like to say this was the first time she’d caught Steve with one, but it wasn’t even the fourth or fifth. 

Damn it all, why couldn’t Steve accept that he wouldn’t last five seconds in the military? Hell, forget that, why couldn’t he accept that he had the body of an asthmatic 80-year-old? She got that he didn’t want to be treated like an invalid. She even understood the sheer size of the chip he carried on his shoulder. She got it, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t see what was right in front of her eyes.

Steve might have more heart and bravery than half the blokes in Brooklyn but it didn’t mean a thing when it came to the body he was trapped in. All the wishing and willpower in the world wasn’t going to get him past his physical limitations. All it would do was get him an early grave, and that was the one thing she was determined to prevent, no matter what it took.

“How many times is this?" She waved the form at him, and then frowned down at it. “Oh, you’re from Paramus now?” she asked sarcastically. “I hear the weather is lovely there this time of year.”

“Pretty sure it’s not,” Steve muttered. He straightened slowly, eyes running and face red from the coughing fit. He reached for the form, but Rebecca held it out of his reach. 

“You know, I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to lie on these things.”

“Only if you get caught.” He reached for it again and, this time, Rebecca allowed him to snatch it from her hand. He folded it and stuffed it into an interior pocket of his threadbare jacket. He started to say something else, but paused as he seemed to notice the uniform she was wearing for the first time. In addition to the pumps she’d also been forced to put on the skirt Steve had complained about earlier, uncomfortable nylons, jacket, dress shirt, and tie. There was also a hat which she’d put on at an angle to try and look like slightly less of a stuffed shirt.  

She already missed her trousers. She’d been given a pair when she started working at the factory since they were safer around the machines than skirts or dresses. The first time she’d put them on she’d sworn she would never go back to dresses, public scorn be damned.

Should have known she’d wind up back in a skirt again, and that it’d somehow end up being Steve’s fault.

"You're still going through with it?” Steve asked. His face fell, and Rebecca resisted the urge to ask why it was fine for him to join, but not her. That line of questioning would just cause an argument and she didn’t want her last day with him to be spent fighting.

“You knew I was,” she said instead. “It was just a matter of when they gave me my orders.”

Steve scowled. “Is it because of me? Cause I kept talking about it?”

Rebecca threw an arm across his shoulders and physically dragged him around to face the front of the alleyway. “Not everything is about you, punk,” she lied.

Truth was it was about him, but not for the reasons he thought.

Steve tended to get sick in the winters. It was like clockwork. The weather got cold, and Steve got sick. This time around, however, Steve had gotten sick. Really sick. Sick enough that a bunch of his friends, Rebecca included, had pooled their money together so he could go see a doctor.

That doctor had written a prescription and stressed how vitally important it was that Steve get it and begin taking it immediately. Rebecca had offered to go get it, leaving some of their other friends to make sure Steve got home and put to bed safely.

In her mind it had all been so simple. Go get the medication, give it to Steve, watch him get better and continue on with their lives. Simple, right up until she’d been standing in front of the pharmacist and listened to him quote an obscene price. A price neither of them could hope to pay, not if they worked for a year, not if they hit up all their friends for every last penny they had.

He’d barely been able to breathe. That had been her last sight of him before leaving to get the medication. Propped up between Jenny Smith and Joe Harris, barely skin and bones, his face a ghastly shade of white, lungs heaving and soaked in sweat as a fever raged under his skin.

He was going to die. Without the medication, possibly even with it. She was going to lose her best friend, the person who was so much a part of her that she sometimes felt they shared the same soul.

She’d panicked. Full blown, out of control, panic. She’d threatened the pharmacist, started screaming at him, practically accused him of murder for not handing over the medication. As images of Steve dying, dead, ran through her mind her panic had risen and she’d beat her hands on the counter, rising onto her toes as if she were planning to leap over the counter and take the drug by force.

Perhaps that was exactly what she’d meant to do, would have done if not for the timely arrival of a middle-aged blonde woman wearing a military uniform. She’d listened quietly to Rebecca screaming for a few seconds, and then stepped forward and handed over the money.

Rebecca had been stunned into silence and, in those few moments, the woman had simply turned and left. It was the slamming of the door that had spurred her into motion, following and stopping the woman to thank her profusely.

It was then that the woman, who’d introduced herself as Linda Jones, had revealed she’d gone into the pharmacy specifically to find Rebecca. Linda had seen her earlier that day, she’d explained, in a fight with a boy. He’d made an advance on her, and then tried to get aggressive when she’d turned him down. 

Linda had planned to step in, only to quickly realize there was no need. She hadn’t had the time to speak to Rebecca after the fight but, later, had seen her again as she’d gone into the drugstore.

She’d proceeded to offer Rebecca a job interview then, refusing to explain anything about it other than it’d be for the military. Rebecca had accepted, feeling she owed Linda that much at least for the medication.

She’d made it back to Steve’s in record time after that, and spent a restless night watching him fight to breathe. The next day one of their friends had come to relieve her and she’d gone to the address Linda had given her.

It had been an old warehouse, not comforting, but she’d gone inside anyway, half convinced she was about to be mugged. Instead she’d found Jones, dressed in trousers and a close-fitting shirt. The other woman had challenged her to a sparring match, where she’d proceeded to soundly beat her, several times. 

Even so, the woman had apparently been impressed enough to offer Rebecca a job with something called the Strategic Scientific Reserve, or SSR, a unit dedicated to eradicating an arm of the Third Reich that went by the name of Hydra.

Rebecca had never heard of it and Jones refused to elaborate beyond saying that the position would be dangerous but, if Rebecca accepted, she'd be involved in making one hell of a difference.

Rebecca had refused. Steve needed her. What if he got sick again or got himself in over his head, which he managed to do at least once a day? None of their friends knew him the way she did, and he refused to listen to anyone else but her.

She'd started to leave, only to stop in her tracks as Jones had mentioned what the pay for the offered position was. It was high, higher than anything she’d ever dreamed of, let alone thought she could ever earn. It would be more than enough to get Steve a better apartment, warmer clothes, maybe even some of those treatments she kept hearing being touted for asthma.

She knew nothing could cure him entirely but if she could do something to help at least. Maybe stop him from getting sick every single winter, help him struggle less when he tried to breathe…

It could make all the difference in the world. Every time he got sick, every time his body took another battering from his fight to simply live, it was worse. The coughing just a little harsher, the fever higher, and the recovery slower. She wasn’t stupid. She knew his body couldn’t keep it up forever. She knew what that would mean, eventually.

But if she could help... Make it easier, as easy as it possibly could be under the circumstances?

So it wasn’t so much of a struggle for Steve to simply live…

She’d asked if she could stay until Steve was better. Linda had accepted, and then Rebecca was filling out paperwork and, before she knew it, she’d enlisted in the Army.

She hadn't told Steve until after he'd recovered. He’d wanted to know why, and she’d made up some excuse that didn’t even make sense to her, let alone him but she’d refused to explain any further and he’d finally stopped asking.

Life had seemed to return to normal after that and she'd almost managed to forget about it all, until her orders had arrived along with the stupid uniform she was currently wearing.

She'd spent most of that day going to all their friends, and all their neighbors, extracting promises from them that they would look after Steve for her while she was gone.

It scared her to think of him without her there to back him up, or notice when he started to get sick, but she tried to keep her mind on the bigger picture. Getting enough money for that apartment, and the new clothes and a Steve who didn’t have to fight so hard and would live longer, and happier, because of it.

Whatever she had to do to help him, she would. Even if it meant leaving him behind for a time. Even if the thought of being separated from him made her heart feel like it was ripping in two.

Steve was still staring at her, eyes narrowed in concern, and she cleared her throat and forced a smile for him.  

“107th," she said with a trace of real pride because who would ever have thought some little unwanted, nobody girl from Brooklyn would ever make an officer in the Army? She hadn’t even known women could make officers. "Sergeant Jane Rebecca Buchanan Barnes.” Saying her full name was always such a pain and she wished they could have just put her nickname, Bucky, on the tag instead. Steven had given her that nickname, back when he was a child and had heard her mother call her Becky. He’d thought she’d said “Bucky,” and Rebecca had never bothered to correct him. By the time he figured it out on his own, the nickname was stuck.

Steve frowned. "That was the regiment my father was in."

Rebecca knew that. She also knew the 107th was the regiment Steve had his heart set on joining. He’d been trying to enlist for so long. It was probably the reason he’d gotten sick, not that he’d ever admit it. Standing in all those lines in the cold couldn’t be good for anyone, least of all him. “I’m shipping out tomorrow. I’m going to help with communications."

It wasn't exactly a lie. Jones had been so vague on what she'd be doing that, for all Rebecca knew, it could well be the truth. To be honest, there was a part of her, albeit a small part, that was excited to go. She wasn't excited to leave Steve behind, there was no part of her that would ever be excited about that, but she was going on an adventure. Off to see what lay outside Brooklyn.

They’d reached the street and Rebecca tugged him around the corner to head off down the block. It was too late to go see the movie, which was fine with her. She hadn’t been much in the mood anyway.

As they walked, she did her best to not think about how it felt to have Steve so close to her, his body heat warm against her side even through the fabric of her uniform jacket.

He saw her as a little sister, she knew that. Her life would have been far simpler had she been able to continue seeing him as a little brother. She’d tried, over the years, to stuff her feelings away, to convince herself that he was like a brother to her, and nothing else, but her heart stubbornly refused to listen.

She wasn’t foolish enough to ever risk letting him find out. She knew he’d let her down gently. He would, but then the words would always be there, hanging between them. He'd start watching everything he did and said, convinced he'd somehow give her the wrong idea, or because he was trying to be sensitive to her feelings. Their relationship would turn awkward and strained and it would all be because she couldn't keep her stupid mouth shut.

He was trudging, she noted, dragging his feet and staring at the ground as if it held all the answers in the world. She bumped him with her hip, and then pulled a folded newspaper out from inside her jacket and slapped it against his chest.

"Come on," she said, practically manhandling him in the direction of the apartment building where they both lived. “It’s my last night. We’ve got to get you cleaned up."

"Why?" Steve asked, unfolding the paper in confusion. "Where are we going?"

She grinned and slapped the headline on the front page of the paper, showcasing the science fair happening later that evening. "The future."

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