#pretty as a wine sweet as a grape if you can sit in a barrel maybe I'll wait“

[whimsydotcom]

maybe apples end up in pie

maybe the same way children cry

and smile right after

we can rot sweetly together, you and I

sweet :]

[rodolfoparras]

Oh to be with old man price right now drunk on shitty wine and dancing to hozier in a dimly kitchen.

It’s not every day that you get to see Price this relaxed. Usually his mind is spinning with hundreds of thoughts- wondering if an old man like him is fit for someone young like you, wondering if there is someone who could treat you better than him, someone closer to your age someone who’s not jarred from the years they spent living, someone better looking who you could spend the rest of your life with-

But tonight he can only think about what a lucky bastard he is to have a man like you in his life. He’s got this lazy smile on his face as he pears up at you over his wine glass, and having noticed his blatant staring you can’t help but ask what’s on his mind.

“Nothing” he says, and downs what’s left in his glass. It’s not often he allows himself drink, not ever since his doctor told him to go easy with the beers. His body can’t handle alcohol like it used to and many times it has shown him that. But every once in a while he’ll allow himself a glass, especially on nights like these and he can already feel the alcohol having its effect on him, the tension in his body slowly easing up, and tongue readying itself to say too much.

However you won’t let it go, arms slinking around his waist and pulling him into your embrace

“Tell me” you whine out, into his salt and pepper hair, mindlessly rocking side to side with him in your embrace.

“Keep up with that and I’ll throw up on you,” Price grunts out, eyes squeezing shut in hopes of lessening the effects of the rocking motions but despite his words he sneaks his own arms around your waist , sweat soaked forehead pressed against your chest while he moves along to the music that’s playing in the background.

Your skin feels ever so warm while pressed flushed against his, the faint smell of your cologne and laundry detergent invades his nostrils and standing this close he’s sure he can hear your heartbeat or maybe it’s his very own pulse roaring in his ears.

This is nice, Price thinks to himself, even finds himself humming along to the tune playing from your phone before he starts softly singing to you

“You know you’re bright as the morning, soft as the rain, pretty as a vine, as sweet as a grape “ Price gets so lost in the moment, he doesn’t even notice the amused smile on your face as he continues to sing. “If you can sit in a barrel maybe I’ll wait. Until that day I’d rather take my whiskey neat my coffee black and my bed at three,”

For many years Price thought that death was his ever lasting companion, that God was going to punish him for all the crimes he’s committed, that he’d end up all alone and loveless, with only the Grim reaper taking interest in such a sad and lonely man yet here he was drunk and dancing with the love of his life in your shared kitchen.

He indeed is a lucky bastard.

The gentle touch of your hand on his cheek, snaps him out of the little world he disappeared in and when his eyes flutter open, he’s met with your soft gaze and the warm smile painted on your face.

“What?” He says, and clears his throat, feelings his face turn red as ever

“Nothing,” you shrug, echoing his words from earlier with a small smile on your face and just as he’s about to ask a follow up question, you pull him in for a kiss.

All thoughts disappear as you mold your lips onto his. You mostly tastes of wine and of something sweet, probably the slice of store bought cake you sneaked in as dessert and Price finds himself addicted to it, easily getting lost in the taste, and the feel of your prickly hairs brushing across his chin, all while sweet grunts and groans tumble past your lips.

In that very moment he feels a surge of pride washing over him. See Price may harbor many insecurities but he knows how to kiss and he sure makes it clear as his own hand cups your cheek to deepen the kiss.

It doesn’t take much before he’s slipping his tongue inside your mouth, free hand sneaking under your pajama pants and cupping you in the palm of his hand.

“Oh- oh fuck,” you breathe out in surprise, eyes wide as he feels you twitch under his touch.

“How about we take this somewhere else hm?” Price says, playfully nibbles at your ear before he pulls away from your embrace and who are you to deny such request?

[moneyndior]

୧ ׅ𖥔 ۫ you’re too sweet for me. ⋄ 𓍯

…IN WHICH! luke feels as if you’re too sweet for his bitter self.

tags/warnings; luke castellan x apollo!reader, teenage dirtbag!luke, mutual yearning for each other, luke being kinda insecure, luke taking reader’s innocence as a bad thing, grape and wine mentioned a lot, my interpretation of ‘too sweet.’

ೃauthor notes⁀➷ go listen to too sweet by hozier tmrw. also i threw this up because i fear i might leave for the week next week since it’s spring break and i wanna see my friends

—

you watched as luke walked past you. again.

what you did to deserve such treatment like this—you’ll never know. you truly did all you could to seem sweet, kind, gentle—loving. but it’s like none of those qualities appealed to him.

it’s like it pushed him away. like you being too sweet was too much for him. you tried to not be overbearing, overly clingy, too sensitive, everything. because you genuinely liked luke.

and you genuinely liking someone was rare. you treated your body like it was sacred—something that not even the gods above could touch.

luke seen the disappointment in your eyes as you bit your tongue. he’s doing this for your own good, he’s doing this for your own good. he swears it up and down.

he’s too much of, well, an asshole if we’re being honest. you’re a deity he’d hear about from stories passed down from generation to generation. he’d pray and worship you if you weren’t actually in the same camp as him.

luke wants nothing more than to protect you, truly. corrupting a girl like you was the last thing he’d want.

he wants nothing more than to be the guy to hold you, to kiss you, to brush your hair, to be your assistant when your fixing up another broken nose. luke prays to experience such a thing in another life.

his bitterness and your innocence were just something that were never meant to be. and luke took that harder than you did.

you were as soft as rain, as bright as the morning, pretty as a vine and as sweet as a grape. luke would wait forever for you to, inevitably turn bitter. slowly but surely, he believed everyone did. he wished that he could sit you gently on a barrel and wait for you.

but watching you patch up percy with the most careful precision he’d ever seen made him feel different.

like he’d take his whiskey with a chaser instead of neat like luke normally would. he’d throw out his plain black coffee and take whatever iced latte you prefer.

seeing how well you are with kids would make him hear wedding bells. luke pushed the chimes to the back of his head and finally took his eyes off you as he seen a younger aphrodite girl rush up to you, frantic.

“y/n! help me, please! i got a paper cut and it’s bleeding and it hurts! will it scar? be honest!”

you couldn’t help but giggle at lottie as she looked like she was on the verge of tears. for a moment, you didn’t think about luke. you rushed her into your cabin, under the premise that ‘you’ll do everything you can to make sure it doesn’t scar her pretty finger.’

lottie felt you put a band-aid on her with the utmost gentleness she’d ever felt. a thumb wiped away the tears that couldn’t seem to fall down her cheek.

as you guided her back to her cabin with a smile across the blond’s face, you felt a pair of eyes watching you.

luke wanted to be right there with you, helping lottie, praising you as he kissed your temple. but he stood several meters away with a clenched jaw as his brows in their normal furrowed state.

he knew he couldn’t go up to you like he prayed he could. maybe in a few years, months even. if he prayed to you hard enough. if he clenched his hands together harder.

luke castellan would rather hold the 7 realms with his pinkie than ever corrupt what he grew to love about you. even if it meant pushing you away, pushing you to love another, he’s doing it for your own sake.

maybe he would have to forget praying to the gods for a day and be selfish. just this once. he’d pray that the grape he loved so much would turn to wine faster.

things that were too sweet for luke were simply too much.

[rozalthiris]

I HATE the way TikTok will take a beautiful song and overplay it while simultaneously CHANGING THE ENTIRE MEANING OF THE SONG!!!!!!!!!!

In ‘Too Sweet’ by Hozier, they’ve taken the lyrics ‘You’re too sweet for me’ and literally flipped the entire meaning. They are understanding the meaning to be Hozier feeling too rough and brandished for this person. They think Hozier is saying ‘you’re too sweet, you shouldn’t be with someone as troubled as me.’

WRONG!!! HE’S SAYING THEYRE TOO SWEET AS TOO REFINED, TOO SOFT, TOO PURE IN A NEGATIVE WAY. HE’S SAYING HE’S RAW AND DIRTY, THAT HE’S TIRED OF PEOPLE BEING PERFECT. ‘Who wants to live forever’ THIS PERSON IS TRYING TOO HARD, NOT ENJOYING LIFE FOR THE DIRTY DEPRIVED MOMENTS WE ALL CRAVE. ‘You treat your mouth like it’s Heavens gate, the rest of your body like you’re the TSA. I wish I could go along, babe, don’t get me wrong’ (the common quote of ‘treat your body like a temple’ speaks to me in those moment, as if this person is treating their body like one, eating properly, not enjoying ‘whiskey neat and black coffee’. Taking this very literal.) THIS INTAKE OF MONITORING EVERYTHING THEY PUT IN THEIR BODY, ALMOST BECOMING OBSESSIVE OVER IT. THEY SHOULDNT CARE THAT MUCH. ‘Pretty as a vine, as sweet as a grape. If you can sit in a barrel, maybe I’ll wait’ (my fav line) REFERRING TO THE PROCESS OF GRAPES BECOMING WINE!!!! HE’S TELLING THEM TO GROW UP, THAT IF THEY CAN MATURE MAYBE HE’LL STICK AROUND.

In conclusion, ‘Too Sweet’ by Hozier is NOT A LOVE SONG.

TikTok should be banned for this completely INACCURATE lyrical interpretation.

[kissmythedas]

OTP Vibes - Acerbi de Riva and Faylen Mahariel (RRAU)

I know @bubblecat-co already did one for these two, but I feel like I had to do one as well because Acerbi is having a VERY different experience than Faylen and I love juxtaposition! ^_^

Rules: Post some pictures of your OTP and their vibes, some info, and a song that fits their vibe. That's it. Edit as you please.

Tropes: Scary dog privileges, Because you were nice to me, Gay panic, pure devotion. || These previous ones are accurate but I'm also adding: Broken bird, Morality pet, Insecure love interest

Songs:

Too Sweet [Metal Version] - Leo Moracchioli [original by Hozier]

You know you're bright as the morning, soft as a lake,

Pretty as a vine, as sweet as a grape,

If you can sit in a barrel maybe I'll wait, until that day

I'll take my whiskey neat, my coffee black and my bed at 3,

You're too sweet for me, You're too sweet for me...

Lowlife - Poppy

All these years all on my own, fight my fight all alone,

'Til you came don't you know? Don't you know?

Baby you're the highlight of my lowlife,

Take a shitty day and make it alright,

Oh in every circumstance, yeah you make the difference,

Baby you're the highlight of my lowlife.

Baddie - MK xyz

I got all this money and not much love, man I need a baddie

Give her anything she wants, ain't nothing wrong, she ain't even gotta ask me,

I'm gonna treat this girl so good she'll show me off to her friends

Over again and again,

Give me a baddie we'll be bad together! Might even rob a bank together yeah, yeah, We can go and give god thanks together,

Gotta put a rollie on her wrist 'cause she roll with me, yeah, yeah

Gonna take her overseas, yeah, yeah, 'cause she doing it all for me

I Don't Wanna Be an Asshole Anymore - The menzingers

Another night, I devour the sun,

Plunge myself into the depths of oblivion,

Yeah somewhere along the way I found wine,

Feels damn good just to bleed sometimes,

All I ever wanted was to make things right, Usual vital, missing spite,

I push my emotions off a bridge

I've been taking them hostage with a shotgun,

Now we're somewhere treading water, somewhere lost inside the man that I'm not,

But I don't wanna be an asshole anymore.

(Whoa-ooh) Baby, baby, I'll be good to you [x2]

...

You're the only lover that I ever miss,

and I've been hopelessly in love with,

Look at this tangle of thorns, I don't wanna be an asshole anymore!

[Bonus because I love it, how Acerbi wishes Faylen would think of her] No Mercy - DeathbyRomy

My boy hates everybody but me, He's sinister, but to me he's sweet,

He's my fully loaded gun, You pussies better run,

My wish is his command, he'd kill for me.

Na, na-na-na-na, In love with a monster,

Na, na-na-na-na, Daddy think I've lost it,

Watch out 'cause he do what I say, and I really wouldn't get in my way

No shame and I can't be saved, My boy's a bullet in your brain!

[Rest of the playlist can be found here]

--

Images:

[fortunatelyandrogynousheart]

Too Sweet - Hozier

You know, a lot of people think that the lyrics to Too Sweet just entail her being too good for him. But for me there are certain lyrics that make me think of like an age gap.

"You know you're bright as the morning / As soft as the rain / Pretty as a vine / As sweet as a grape / If you can sit in a barrel / Maybe I'll wait / Until that day"

That feels like he's waiting until she's gotten older and colder, specifically the barrel part, like perhaps he wants to wait until she's aged (like wine does, in case you didn't already know.)

Plus the very first lyric, the "bright as the morning" maybe could be like, the brightness of youth, or maybe she's just a sunshine.

THEN there's the other part.

"I'd rather take my whiskey neat / My coffee black and my bed at three / You're too sweet for me"

I'm getting like a bitter, cynical-ish older man vibe from that, anyone else?

Coffee is bitter.

And the whiskey in his bed at three? Maybe he's seen too much and needs to drink to fall asleep. (Possible military or police background?)

And don't even get me STARTED on the wedding bells. The fact that he hears wedding bells when he looks at her makes me feel like he wants to try for her. To make her happy, you know?

And if it is a death knell, like I've been seeing some people say it is, then maybe it's the classic, "oh, God, this girl is going to be the death of me."

There is also this part at the beginning that really gets me in my feels.

"It can't be said I'm an early bird / It's ten o'clock before I say a word / Baby, I can never tell / How do you sleep so well? / You keep telling me to live right / To go to bed before the daylight / But then you wake up for the sunrise"

She's his opposite. She's an early bird, probably the first one asleep and he gets into bed with her HOURS later. Naturally, she worries about him, but he doesn't think she needs to.

I don't know, hearing that song for the first time awakened an urge to analyze it and maybe write something based on it. What do you think of Too Sweet? Let me know!

[toamg]

Lyric analysis of Hoziers “Too Sweet”

"To Sweet" is a newly published song, released in March 2024 by the Irish singer and songwriter Hozier. There are many theories circulating on the internet concerning the lyrics of the piece, which describe the incompatibility of two different personalities in a relationship. Some people claim that the song is a rejection song, while others think it shows the inner conflict of the lyrical "I," who thinks he’s not good or pure enough to devote himself to a relationship with the lyrical "you."

In the following analysis, the song will be examined verse by verse to explore its true meaning.

Disclaimer: This is just my interpretation of the lyrics, and other opinions and ideas are welcome!

In the first verse, the lyrical "I" shows that he has bad habits and is aware of it ("can’t be said I’m an early bird, it’s ten o’clock before I say a word"). At the same time, he is confused or rather amazed by the lyrical "you's" discipline ("baby I can never tell how do you sleep so well"). This first verse highlights that the lyrical "you" and "I" are polar opposites already, and their lifestyles don’t function together.

In the next verse, the lyrical "I" describes how the lyrical "you" tries to push him into a healthier lifestyle ("You keep telling me to live right, to go to bed before the daylight"), and he tries to do the same to her, convincing her to become a bit more like him ("Don’t you just wanna wake up dark as a lake, smelling like a bonfire, lost in the haze?"). In the next sentences, "if you’re drunk on life babe, I think that’s great," he again highlights that he is absolutely fine with her being positive, but they simply don’t work together. It’s like the lyrical "I" is saying: You’re "drunk on life" so positive and healthy and full of energy, but "I’ll take my whiskey neat," indicating he can’t match her energy.

With the line "I’ll take my whiskey neat" in the chorus, he again highlights his darker, more subtle view on life, which is the polar opposite of hers. Now the line "you’re too sweet for me" can be interpreted in a couple of different ways, but I like to believe that it’s his way of saying he doesn’t deserve his lover, that he feels like he’s not good enough for her. Like he’s almost afraid of turning her bitter like his coffee that he likes black (ref. "I’ll take […] my coffee black").

In this example, you can also see the clear contrast again that is shown throughout the entire text, between bitter coffee and too sweet. Two things that just don’t make sense together.

The fourth verse says: "the ground is where I go, I work late where I'm free from the phone," which sounds almost as if he is hiding from his partner. Maybe it’s the being so different and not having enough in common to feel completely comfortable in each other's presence.

"But you worry some, I know, But who wants to live forever babe?" This beginning of the pre-chorus once again highlights the difference between the partners. The lyrical "you" being so careful, being drunk on life instead of alcohol and guarding her mouth as if it’s heaven's gate, her body like the TSA, as the next verse reveals. And in contrast to that, the lyrical "I" with his life fast, die young attitude, no risk no fun behavior. ("who wants to live forever babe?")

The 6th and last verse shows how highly he thinks of her and that he isn’t judging her in any way ("you’re bright as the morning, soft as the rain, pretty as a vine, sweet as a grape") but the sweetness is simply not what he likes. In these sentences, he uses a grape or vine to describe her, which later turns into "you can sit in a barrel, baby I’ll wait," referring to the process of making wine, which turns sweet grapes into something more sour and alcoholic, how he wishes she was more like.

To conclude, I believe that this song is not intended to be a rejection song, at least not in a classical sense. He doesn’t reject her because he doesn’t like her, but because he feels he's not good enough for her, or at least he thinks so.

[yrbutchgf]

ik someone has to have said this by now but i particularly love the lines "pretty as a vine, as sweet as a grape/if you can sit in a barrel, maybe ill wait" from too sweet bc of the layered metaphor of like, going from grapes to wine, not only continuing the alcohol metaphor but also using the fermentation process to say basically "you're too full of life, i need you to go to a dark place and get bitter (like i did)." it's so good.

[fozmeadows]

So this calligraphy - and the changed lyric! - are gorgeous, but I am fascinated by OP's interpretation of Too Sweet as a "metaphor of being underserving of a love you think you'll ruin," because that is just... a read that would never, ever have occurred to me? Like, death of the author, pluralistic interpretations, do as thou wilt etc, but to me, Too Sweet is straight up just a song about Hozier, an Irish musician who likes coffee, alcohol, late nights and putting your phone down occasionally, describing an attempted relationship with an influencer-coded morning person who treats their body like a temple (derogatory) and is so obsessed with maintaining their youth and appearance that they won't indulge in various pleasures-slash-vices at all, and that while this is totally fine for that person, their sweetness - which here is a poetic euphemism for wholesomeness - makes them largely incompatible as a partner.

If you read the lyrics, I think there's a pretty strong case to be made for this interpretation. All the way through, Hozier's describing how this person and he are different, but his own lifestyle isn't couched in self-deprecating terms: instead, he's asking this person, in response to their insistence on early mornings: Don't you just wanna wake up Dark as a lake Smellin' like a bonfire Lost in a haze? If you're drunk on life, babe I think it's great But while in this world

I think I'll take my whiskey neat

In another line, he says:

But who wants to live forever, babe? You treat your mouth as if it's Heaven's gate The rest of you like you're the TSA

Which is, I would argue, given the rest of the song, not actually complimentary: it's not quite mean, per say, but I'm prepared to characterize it as a gently poetic roast, given that it's very soon followed by this:

You know you're bright as the morning As soft as the rain Pretty as a vine As sweet as a grape If you can sit in a barrel Maybe I'll wait Until that day

I'd rather take my whiskey neat My coffee black and my bed at three You're too sweet for me

Which is a very clever bit of wordplay: because having first described this person as "sweet as a grape," he then talks about potentially waiting for them "if [they] can sit in a barrel" - that is to say, the process by which grapes are aged into wine. And as one of the implications of the Heaven's gate/TSA lyric is that this person doesn't drink, in contrast to Hozier singing about how he takes his whiskey neat, this becomes an especially pointed little quip: we're not compatible in our pleasures now, but if you ever relax your standards and stop being so rigid about Living Right, let me know.

Because the other implication of the song is that the subject has been trying to make him live what is, in their view, a healthier lifestyle, one that doesn't fit who he is as a person. Early on when he's contrasting their sleeping schedules, he says:

You keep tellin' me to live right To go to bed before the daylight But then you wake up for the sunrise

Which is later followed by:

I work late where I'm free from the phone And the job gets done But you worry some, I know

In other words: the subject of the song wants him to be a morning person, and doesn't like that his work hours are, as a consequence, later than theirs, especially as he's not reachable while he's recording or writing. And as a gremlin insomniac who also routinely goes to bed at 3am, ignores their phone while writing, and has for years been constantly nagged about waking up earlier by people who think early mornings are a signifier of morality: Hozier writing a whole-ass song rejecting those demands is a fucking mood.

So while, as I said, I am fully in favour of pluralistic interpretations of art, and also in favour of OP writing their own version of the song (which sounds awesome!), I also want to suggest this third reading, wherein the whole point about sweetness is not that the subject is too good for the singer or their love too cloying, but is rather a reflection of how wholesomely they live compared to Hozier, with a note of playful mockery attached to that ideal.

filmed a toktik for the first time in several months lol, that one hozier lyric was fucking infecting my brain I think.

but in the middle of the night i was beamed upside the head with the following lyric change:

So the original metaphor of being undeserving of a love you think you'll ruin becomes a metaphor for a cloying love you're too afraid to break away from, too afraid to hurt the other party

would appreciate the clickthrough to kick the algorithm in the shins but I fully understand if you're not touching that app with an 11 foot pole

[bates--boy]

“Okay, closer! Remember that this is the best day of your life! Terra, soften the lights!”

         If Peter said right then and there that he knew that modeling was hard from his “experience”, he’d be a liar just trying to soothe his worries and ego. His experience before this was chump work, and none of the filtering, editing, and social media marketing would have prepared him for even an iota of this type of work. Firstly, he had grossly underestimated how long this would take, and it definitely did not take the two or three minutes it would take to snap a selfie, or even the the half hour to get his makeup and hair in order. 

        Secondly, there had to be photos of everything. A toast at the table, Burak carrying Peter down the bridge, Burak making Peter wonder if the universe hated him by brushing away hair and cupping his cheek, Peter taking solo shots in a grayscale room for every. single. dress that the stylists picked for him. Posing on the swings, dancing to nonexistent music, lounging on a leather chair. Pierre wanted photos in as many angles as he can imagine, and fuck how beautiful Burak was, fuck how dazzling and breathtaking Peter felt in the dress once he became used to the silicone breasts -- Peter was ready to bite someone’s nose off by the fifth hour.

          "Alright, everyone, break time!” the manager, whose name Peter also hadn’t gotten but was too frazzled to even want to bother with, called out as she waved people over to the food table.

         Peter knew that if he was going to barrel through the estimated next six hours of this, he should have something nutritious in his stomach, but the bubbly golden champagne called out to him. He downed one glass at the table and carried another to the gazebo steps. His feet hurt, his everything hurts -- how does modeling hurt the body? How the fuck does that happen in a bridal photoshoot? -- but especially his feet, and once he sat down on the step, Peter unfastened the heels and peeled them off. 

        “This is not worth the money,” Peter grumbled, reaching down to rub one of his feet with his free hand. He winced and hissed through his teeth. “Fucking Christ on a dildo...”

        “You totally sound like a bridezilla right now.”

         Peter recognized the voice (because of course, he did) before his eyes snapped up to find Burak ambling over, carrying a plate piled with pastries and pieces of fruits and a bottle of wine with an empty glass. Peter couldn’t even find it in himself to be excited that this Michelangelo sculpture was coming to sit with him, and the alone time in this picturesque setting they were likely to spend together. He was just so drained and sore. Like a cat, a part of Peter wanted some alone time alone, to hide away and lick his invisible wounds and ponder why he was doing this when he knew that, even if his crew had enough money to buy that coveted studio, they weren’t going to get anywhere. Still, he didn’t protest when Burak took a spot next to him and sat the wine and food between them. 

         “You should eat something,” Burak offered oh, so helpfully as he filled his glass.

          “Thanks,” Peter drawled. He plucked a hulled strawberry from the plate and popped it into his mouth. He made sure to lean a little forward so that whatever juice may slip out won’t get to his dress.

       “You’re welcome,” Burak replied. “So, I take it you’re new to this?”

       Peter started to shake his head, ready to draw on his social media and webcam modeling experience, but he thought better of it. Why bother conflate the two for his ego? “Pbbbbbbbbt, yeah,” he answered. He raised his flute to his mouth. “Why? Was it that obvious?”

       “Yeah,” Burak nodded. 

       Peter’s hand stopped, then lowered as a brow rose. “How?”

       “Well, besides the fact that you look like you’re ready to collapse or claw someone’s eyes out? You constantly have to be told to tone it down and you look ready to run every time we have to act out something intimate.”

       “So, I just look unnatural?” Peter looked away and downed much of his drink in one go.

       “Yeah, but it was likely to happen,” Burak bit into a pastry. “I mean: how did you, a guy, get hired as a bridal model?”

        Peter didn’t sense anything offensive in Burak’s tone, just simple curiosity, so he replied honestly with a lazy shrug, “I don’t know. I actually applied for the groom position.”

        “Pffft, oops. Sorry about that. Well, that dress looks lovely on you.”

       “Thanks. That was one of the reasons they hired me as the bride.”

        “Hm...”

        Then silence came. Burak watched the photoshoot crew as he ate his cream cheese bear claw, and Peter watched the shiny of the sun glint off his glass as he slowly waved the flute around. 

       Polishing off the last bite of his bear claw, Burak asked, “So, how is your first professional photoshoot going so far?”

       Peter perked up, smile stretched from cheek to sore cheek. If his hands weren’t occupied with the champagne, he would have given a little clap to sell the reply. “Oh, it is fantastic! Wonderful! My body hurts, this dress itches, the hair care products feel cheap as shit and I’m sure I’m going to break out tomorrow, and I am never doing this shit ever again!”

        Burak leaned back, blinking. He cleared his throat. “Ah... wow. Well, it’s good that you figured it out before you really committed to the modeling career.”

        “I didn’t do this to get a modeling career.”

          “Oh?”

         Peter shook his head and took a breath. “No, I took on this gig to earn money to buy a studio.”

         “A studio...?”

        “Recording studio. For me and my music crew.”

         Now it was Burak’s turn to perk up, and truthfully, seeing interest light his face did make Peter feel better. “You make music?”

       “Yeah. I’m part of this new group called The MizFists. We’re a hip-hop collective.”

        “Hey! My cousin likes hip-hop! Do you have any music posted anywhere? I can tell her about it.”

        And Peter, all wide eyes as he watched Burak take his phone out of his pocket and swiped on the screen. “Oh! Oh, uh, yeah. Our website is M-I-Z-F-I-S-T-S dot com. All of our youtube channels and Bandcamp accounts are on there.”

       “Huh, never seen it spelled like that before...” Burak shrugged.

       “Well, we would have went with the proper spelling, but, you know, another group already has it, and we’re too broke for copyright lawsuits.”

        “It’s a cool name, still,” Burak said. He made sure the message had sent before placing his phone back into his pocket. He ate a piece of mango. “If my cousin decides to go to one of your concerts, I’ll have to tag along.”

       That... should not have been as easy as that. Sure, it’s likely that Burak’s cousin will dismiss their group as crappy wannabes, but still, the fact that Burak even shared their name like that... 

       And the food and bottle (which Burak had in his hand to refill Peter’s glass) -- Peter wanted to ask what was Burak’s goal here. Because who was this jovial with a cross-dressing stranger? Peter had to remind himself that not everyone had an ulterior motive for niceties, he still sought a way, an opportunity, to give this man the stink-eye and a “What’s your endgame, buddy?”

       Taking a drink, Burak passed his tongue over his disgustingly perfect lips and said, “So, since you’re pretty much a rap expert, you wouldn’t mind telling me if this verse--” and he did that weird cool guy rapper hand gesture, “--is fire, would you?”

       “Heh heh, go ahead!” Peter prompted, with that eyebrow raised once more in amusement this time.

       “Okay, okay!” Burak set his glass down and placed a hand on his chest and held the other in front of his face like a microphone.

       Burak stared at Peter, the hunched over bride shaking with his face twisted to hold in a laughter, his own face feigning a cold serious.

         Me and da babe looking heckin’ cool

         After school, hittin’ up the party pool

        Sitting on the grill of the big Bugatti

        All slutty, all thotty

        A couple rock stars making it rain at the pool

      They burst out laughing.

      And Peter didn’t even know why he was laughing; Burak was cute, and it was sweet that he came over here to chat, but it wasn’t funny, not that funny. Maybe it was the earnestness in the humor, or the needed release of stress. Whatever the reason, Peter dabbed at the tear in his eye. Thank goodness for the waterproof stuff.

       “You know? You might have something there,” he chuckled. “You’re definitely the new Will Smith!”

       “Pfffft, please! I am way better than Smith!” Burak tossed his hair. “But I’m going to let my cousin know that she was wrong, that an actual, bona fide rapper said I got some skills!”

        “Shit, if we’re ever looking for another member, we’ll hit you up,” Peter said, taking a grape.

       “Looking forward to it!”

After a friendly elbow nudge, Burak continued, "Seriously, that's cool that you're this serious about your music that you're doing this. I can tell that you're gonna go far. But I hope you don't drop this line of work, because you have a bit of potential in modeling, too. Who knows, you'll probably get famous enough that you'll have clothing brands begging you to model for them, and you don't want to pass up on those deals, would you?"

"Nah, I guess not..." The smile on Peter's painted lips dimmed, and he pursed them until he allowed himself to ask, "Uh... Why are you being so nice to me?"

Burak tilted his head. Oh, god, now he looked like a puppy. An irresistible puppy. "Am I not supposed to be?"

"No, it's just that, er... I thought that supermodels had to be brutal because, you know, this industry is dog-eat-dog."

Burak shook his head. "First of all, I'm not a supermodel; this is just a catalog shoot. Second..." He shrugged. "It felt like you were having a bad time and was uncomfortable around me. And we can't have that for our kissing photos."

For the slow way the words processed through Peter's psyche, his body was quick to react in its non-reacting form: body suddenly rigid, temperature swinging from ghostly chill low to loins on fire and I'm a sinner scorching, mind going as blank as his eyes gone wide.

"K... Kissing? We're going to--" Peter bowed his head with his hand over his mouth. "Oh, my god..."

He didn't see Burak's face, but he felt the indignation rolling off the other man who said, "I mean, I like to think I'm not a bad kisser..."

"N-no! No!" Peter lifted his face and waved a hand. "It's not that! I just--"

"Wow!" Burak snorted. "Wow! You are blushing hard!"

Peter gasped. "No, I'm not!" Of course, where they went for top-quality mascara, they'd cheap out on the foundation.

Burak laughed so deeply that he had to set his glass down. "Yes you are! Aw, look how red your ears are!"

"Oh, my god," Peter, once more, groaned. He bent his head so low that the veil fell from behind his back and draped over his shoulders.

So when he felt an arm slink around his waist, he was too unprepared to stop the yelp squeaking out of his mouth. Nor did he have any protection against the medical emergency fever burning through his body when Burak whispered in his ear.

"Don't you worry, Peter: as a gentleman, I promise you that I'll leave your honor intact and will be tender with you."

Whether Burak was serious or joking, it didn't matter when, to Peter, his voice was every bedroom song one to life. But Burak squeezed his shoulder, and when they've locked eyes, Peter could still see some of that sweet earnestness, that urge to lift Peter's mood, and he could help but smile.

"Gee, thanks," Peter tried with as much playfulness as he could muster.

A chuckle pass between them, and then

Flash. Flash.

Both men looked up to find Pierre lowering his camera. "Oh, that was perfect! I have to convince the magazine to use that in their layout."

"Uhhhh..." Peter said. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Reminding you two that break's over," Pierre said. "Now, let's go, we're burning daylight!"

"Well, that was a nice break." Burak stood and brushed the back of his pants. He held out a hand for Peter. "Ready to get back into the dog-eat-dog world of modeling?"

Peter's smirk was lopsided as he took Burak's hand to let him up. "Sure."

[jaynsandy]

Sandy and I are currently parked in Niceville, Florida. Our rig is under a canopy of live oaks celebrating their age with streamers of Spanish moss. We can watch sunrises and sunsets over the Choctawhatchee Bay. The climate, though not balmy, is pretty comfortable given the time of year. Just the same it feels like something is missing. It took a trip to see our two youngest children to realize why.

Vin de noix (walnut wine) is a sweet aperitif that isn't really a wine. This traditional French drink is made from macerated walnuts instead of grapes. Vin de noix is important in that it distills how the old villagers view time. A barrel is typically started with the birth of a child. It gets topped up with nuts and alcohol every year through the life of the child. Each barrel contains some small part of the vin de noix that is from the very beginning of the child's life. Each barrel represents the path of time and may help foster an awareness of the ages of man.

Driving, maybe for the last time, through the streets of Winchester I was struck by how the old has been preserved while the new has been welcomed. Stately houses from the 19th century give way to buildings from the early to mid 20th century. Modern data networking and consulting businesses are housed in buildings on the historic register. Old town sits one block away from the grand building that is the Handley library. If you look closely one can see the path of time in Winchester. It's magnificent.

Above photo was taken by Peter Vladislav Uhlir

Handley Regional Library

That's what is missing here in this area of Florida. There is no feeling of the path of time. The tourist trade and developers' bulldozers have homogenized this place so that everyone who travels here can feel at home. The barrel has been emptied and refilled with a whole new batch.

Come to think of it everywhere we've been, that we enjoyed, has kept parts of the past in the community. The people who live in those places have managed to resist emptying the barrel before adding more to it.

[i-luv-stars]

Serendipity (Pt. 2)

You are an immortal who has spent your life travelling, forced to find your home in different places around the world. One day, you meet a certain God of Mischief. What follows is a friendship that spans centuries.

Warnings: just fluff

Word Count: 3 k

A/N: This chapter is just short and sweet, don’t kill me 😩 things will start to heat up in part 3, promise x

Part 1

London. 1603.

“Get out of my way, I was here first!”

A hunchbacked woman glared at you with black, beady eyes.

You mumbled an apology and kept your head down.

Inwardly, however, you were seething. Bloody witch.

You had been waiting in line for hours to get into this theatre, and yet an ignorant peasant had the nerve to declare she was there before you.

It was events like this that reminded you how much you despised London. With it’s dirty and disease-ridden streets, it was definitely one of the worst places you had ever called home. Unfortunately, it was also one of the only places you had left to go.

“Ticket!” A man barked at you, pulling you from your thoughts.

Finally, you were at the front of the line.

Digging into your skirt’s deep pockets, you produced a solitary ticket, which the man promptly snatched from your hand.

He inspected the slip of paper closely before glancing toward you.

“Rather unusual for a woman to come to one of these things by herself.” He noted, his voice slick with suspicion.

“Have you never before come across a woman who enjoys the theatre?” You snorted.

The man eyed you with disdain. “Your seat is on the left.” He grumbled, handing the ticket back to you.

Satisfied, you gave him a slight smile before stepping inside.

The Globe Theatre was one of the most popular spots in London, and tonight proved to be no exception. The centrepiece of the room, the polished and intricately carved stage, was surrounded by peasants, all clamouring for the best standing room. Behind them, rows of seats stretched for as far as the eye could see. Those able to afford tickets sat there now, talking excitedly with friends and family. The air was abuzz with light chatter and laughter.

You had been saving up for weeks to afford a ticket. As you looked around at the beautiful theatre, you couldn't stop your lips from stretching into a wide grin.

Just as you took your seat, the curtain drew open.

As the play went on, you were lulled into serenity by the actor’s calm voices. During one particular soliloquy, the late afternoon sun fell gently on your face, and you found yourself becoming nostalgic about the warm evenings you had spent in Florence.

To daydream about such things was odd, as you generally regarded your time in Italy as a complete disaster. One that you were trying to erase from your memory completely. But here, in grey and dirty London, you couldn't help but reminisce about the days you had spent under the orange sun, walking amongst olive fields and rose gardens.

And, of course, there was something- rather, somebody- in particular that you couldn't stop thinking about.

Loki had been a particularly stubborn memory. You hadn't seen him since that day he had rescued you from your wedding and yet, you often caught yourself dreaming about his piercing green eyes and his raven black hair. Admittedly, deep down, some small part of you did wish that you could see him again.

But such thoughts were fruitless, you knew. He had most likely forgotten about you. You were sure he was surrounded by far more interesting people on that Asgard he always spoke of.

Not that it matters, anyway, you remind yourself. You had been alone for a long while now. That was just how it was, and most likely how it always would be.

You turned your attention back to the stage.

“…he that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man; and he that is more than a youth is not for me, and he that is less than a man, I am not for him.”

“Gods, she’s being awfully dramatic, is she not?” The man to your left mumbled, his head bent in your direction.

You hummed in response. But, just as the actor launched into another monologue, you were hit with a sudden realisation.

That voice…

It couldn't be. You had just been thinking about him.

You turned towards the man, your mouth dropping open in shock. Sure enough, his eyes were sparkling green in the sunlight.

“Loki!” You gasped, much louder than you had intended to.

Several people hissed at you to be quiet.

“Miss me?” He asked, a smirk playing at his lips.

“What are you doing here?” You whispered. “How did you even find me?”

“Are you really so shocked?” The god asked with a grin.

You supposed you weren't.

“Now, are you coming with me or not?” He asked, reaching out a hand.

“Coming with you?” Your eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “Loki, what do you mean-”

But before you could finish, Loki grabbed your hand in his and wrapped your arms around his waist. “Hold on tight.” He whispered into your ear.

And with a snap of his fingers, you both disappeared from the theatre, as if you had never been there at all.

**

“Loki, where in the world are we?” You asked, gently removing your hands from his body. Your mind was spinning.

“Look around you.” The young god declared, thrusting his arms outwards. “Where do you think we are?”

As your vision slowly cleared, you took in your surroundings. With a gasp, you realised that you were surrounded by rows and rows of food. Shelves, lined with wheels of cheese and piles of fruit, towered above you. Dried meat and sausages, bulbs of garlic and strings of herbs dropped from the ceiling. Barrels of wine and bottles of liquor covered the far wall.

“Unless we’re in your personal pantry, I’m guessing we are not supposed to be in here.” You whispered.

“Oh, relax,” he reassured, placing a hand on your back, “we’re perfectly safe in here, I promise.”

“Well, why are we here, anyway? I haven't seen you in 125 years, and then you just show up, kidnap me and take me here?”

“Ah,” Loki grinned, “keeping track of the years, are we?”

Your cheeks blushed furiously. “No, I was just… guessing.”

The god began to inspect the food-laden shelves. “Want one?” He asked, turning to you with a bunch of grapes in his hand.

“No,” you growled, “what I want is an explanation to why I am here.”

“Fine.” He sighed. “I got bored again. And hungry. Normally, I would just raid the palace kitchens. But today, I thought I should go on an adventure. And check up on you. See if you were still as pretty as I remember…”

You rolled your eyes.

“Oh, stop being so grumpy.” He demanded, taking a bite out of an apple. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but you were the one crying last time I left. I thought you’d be happy to see me.”

Bastard. Of course he’d bring that up.

“Fine.” You huffed, sitting down on the wooden floor. “I just wish you hadn't taken me from the middle of that play. I saved up for a long time for that ticket, you know.”

“You call that mess a play?” Loki snorted, filling a tray with food. “I could hardly bear it. You’re lucky I watched it for as long as I did.”

“But it was one of William Shakespeare’s.” You uttered in disbelief. “Everyone is saying he’s the best playwright to have ever lived…”

“Shakespeare? I’ve never heard of him.” He said, sitting down next to you. “It’s a shame mortals can’t come to Asgard. Otherwise, I’d take you there and show you what a real play is.”

“Oh,” your eyes lit up as he mentioned that name again, “tell me about Asgard.”

The god shoved a slice of cheese in his mouth. “I’d rather not.”

“Please,” you begged, eyes wide, “I don’t care if it’s a long story. We have all the time in the world.”

Loki glanced towards you, taking in your big eyes and your pouted lips.

“Fine.” He sighed, exasperatedly.

Your face broke out in a grin. He began to speak…

Loki told you of a world of gods and goddesses, a realm overlooked by a gilded golden palace, where both the fiercest warriors and the fairest maidens lived. He spoke of Vikings, of Norse mythology and stories whispered around campfires. Then, of elves and frost giants, of magical beasts and skilled dwarves. His words rendered you breathless with wonder.

“You must love your home.” You observed, interrupting him.

He turned to face you, his head tilting slightly. “Why do you say that?”

“Your eyes,” you responded, “when you talk about Asgard, they light up.”

The god frowned slightly. “Asgard is indeed beautiful, but… it is not without its faults.”

“What do you mean?”

“Being Odin’s son, it comes with strict requirements. For as long as I can remember, I have been judged on everything I do.” Loki’s voice was different, now. Cold as steel. “And for as long as I can remember, everything I have done, has fallen short…”

You glanced towards his fists. They were clenched tight.

“My brother, Thor,” he continued, “has always been my father’s favourite. I love him, but he is a fool, and reckless… and yet no matter how much I prove I am the better successor for the throne, my father refuses to see reason.”

You didn’t know what to say. You had only known Loki a short while, but he had always been cheeky and lighthearted, always wearing that permanent smirk. Now, he was different…

You grabbed his hand slightly, wrapped your fingers in between his.

“I understand your frustration. I know how terrible fathers can be, trust me…” You said, your voice gentle, reassuring.

The god looked at your fingers entwined with his. You sat in silence for a moment.

Finally, he spoke.

“So all I have to do to get you to touch me is be sad? Let out a little emotion?” His smirk had returned back to his face.

You let go of his hand. “You’re insufferable…”

He just laughed.

You sighed and stole an apple from his tray.

“Alright, I’m sorry.” Loki said, meeting your eyes with his green ones. “Thank you. For being nice.”

You rolled your eyes as you took a bite of your apple.

“Alright, it’s your turn. Where are you from?”

You froze. Goosebumps prickled at your flesh.

That was a topic you definitely did not want to talk about.

Loki seemed to notice your discomfort. “Or… you don't have to. We’ve been sitting here for hours. How about we have a little fun?”

You raised an eyebrow. “If this involves me taking my clothes off…”

“No,” he reassured, waving a hand, “nothing of the sort. I was thinking more that type of fun.”

You followed his line of sight. He was looking directly at the dozens of barrels of alcohol.

You smiled back at him. That did seem like fun.

**

Two hours later, the two of you laid down on the floor. You were both very tired and very, very drunk.

“I can’t believe you just drunk two whole bottles of rum!” You giggled.

“And I can’t believe you could barely finish half of a bottle…” Loki teased.

“Well, we can’t all be gods like you.” You breathed, staring up at the ceiling.

“That is true.”

Loki stretched his arms out, and wrapped one around your shoulders. Normally, you would move away. But right now, you were far too intoxicated to care.

“You know,” you sighed, inching closer towards his chest, “I lied before. I was counting the years…”

“I’m the God of Lies, Y/N.” He smirked. “I could tell.”

“I was just scared you wouldn't show up. Because I’m just always so… lonely. I never really had a family, and all my friends died a long time ago and-”

You stopped to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall.

“-just, thank you. For showing up. That’s what I’m trying to say.”

It was silent for a moment.

“Don’t cry.” Loki eventually muttered, his fingertips gently tracing your shoulder. “I only came back because I was bored.”

“You’re really rude.” You hiccupped. “I’d hit you if I wasn’t so drunk.”

“I’m a god.”

“What does that have to do with being polite?”

“Everything.” He laughed. “And nothing, I suppose.”

“You’re being confusing.” You said, yawning.

“Honestly, I don’t think I know what I’m talking about either.”

You laughed as you snuggled closer into his chest. A voice in the back of your head reprimanded you for getting so close to him. You knew you shouldn’t, you knew it was dangerous to allow yourself to get close to anyone, especially after last time…

But you were so cold and he was, surprisingly, warm. And you could barely keep your eyes open.

“You can go to sleep.” Loki whispered, curling his arm tighter around you. “I don’t mind.”

Grateful, you closed your eyes. “Goodnight, Loki.” You mumbled, before falling asleep.

The god watched you as you slept. He saw the way your chest slowly rose and deflated, and how your eyelashes seemed to flutter slightly, and how the moonlight that snuck in through the rafters made your skin glow.

As he watched you, he had two clear, distinct realisations.

The first was that he was quite sure he’d never, in all his years, seen anyone or anything as beautiful as you in that moment.

And, his second realisation, was that he was now faced with the task of telling you that you had just spent the night sleeping in the Queen of England’s pantry.

Well, Loki thought, resting his chin on the top your head, he would just have to deal with that in the morning.

And so, closing his eyes, he went to sleep.

Taglist

@dark-night-sky-99 @marveloushiddles @mrslaufeyson @bright-guava @apyat @imagine-that-100

[pussyslayer69]

I think it's a love song for someone he could never have/isn't allowed to love.

"You treat your mouth as if it's Heaven's gate The rest of you like you're the TSA I wish that I could go along, babe, don't get me wrong"

Meaning she's cautious about people she dates/lets into her heart. Of course, this is just me overanalyzing these lyrics. (i'm really bored)

"Pretty as a vine, as sweet as a grape If you can sit in a barrel, maybe I'll wait"

He wants her. But, he's waiting for her to become more "bitter" if that makes sense. A grape in a barrel? Wine. The chorus goes like, "I'd rather take my whiskey neat My coffee black and my bed at three You're too sweet for me"

He likes bitter things, so he's waiting for her. I also think it's about love, but with a hint of rejection? He wants her yet he can't have her. This song is definitely based on self-restraint and over-indulgence.

i don't care what you say. too sweet by hozier is a love song. in a life built on principled self-restraint, any love feels like over-indulgence. far too sweet like sugar in a drink that would get you drunk or awake without it. and in such a world, in which i have put function over form, i can't help comparing us in my useless, helpless, indulgent admiration. if that isn't a love song then what is?

[winefmblog]

Wine Faults

1. Oxidized Wine …

What it is: Contamination caused by too much oxygen exposure. You know when you leave a sliced apple out on the counter and it turns brown? It’s that same process but in your wine. Oxidization is the most common wine fault in older wines and is easy to replicate at home with any bottle of wine.

How you can tell: Oxidized wines lose their brightness, both in color and in flavor. Bright reds turn to a brownish-orange color, and fresh tastes develop drier, more bitter characteristics. White wines are much more susceptible to oxidization than reds, because reds’ higher tannin levels act as a buffer. If you really want to see what this looks like: open a new bottle, pour a glass and save that bottle for about a week. Congrats, your bottle is ruined. Drink some and compare it to that first glass you had.

Can I fix it? No, but you can prolong the shelf life of opened wine by using a wine preserving tool. If your bottle is oxidized right off the shelf, it was either had a faulty closure or mishandled. Take it back!

2. 2,4,6-Trichloroanisole (TCA) …aka cork taint

What it is: A chemical contaminant that found its way into your bottle somewhere in production, usually from real cork. TCA can be present in oak barrels, or the processing lines at the winery as well, which leads to entire batches, rather than single bottles, being ruined.

How you can tell: Dank odor and taste like wet newspaper, moldy basement or smelly dog. The wine will be fruitless and dominated by the off flavors. Some estimates have placed TCA-affected wines as high as 2% of all wines bottled under real cork, making it the second most common wine fault.

3. Sulfur Compounds

What it is: Sulphur is a complicated issue in wine. Some sulfur (sulfur dioxide or SO2)  is added to almost all wine to wine stabilize it. SO2 manifests as sort of smokey, struck match aroma, but really isn’t bad for you at all. Another sulfur, dihydrogen sulfide (H2S) is a naturally occurring bi-product of not ideally healthy fermentation. It’s also not bad for you in the amounts present in wine, but can lead to some unwanted aromas.

How you can tell: While there are a few different types of sulfites and sulfides, almost all of them manifest as flaws. The most frequent manifestation of a sulfur-related flaw is mercaptin (related to dihydrogen sulphide). If you notice rotten egg, fart, burnt rubber, or skunk in your wine, you probably have a mercaptin problem.

Can I fix it? Andrew Waterhouse, professor of wine chemistry at the UC Davis, claims you can pour the wine into a bowl with a sheet of plastic wrap. The TCA will be attracted to the polyethylene and pulled from your wine. I say life is too short for fixing wine faults. Send that bottle back!

4. Secondary Fermentation …aka This is not champagne!!

What it is: Tiny bubbles in your wine where there shouldn’t be any, especially in a young bottle of red wine. This usually happens when the wine is accidentally bottled with a few grams of residual sugar and then re-ferments. This most frequently occurs in low-intervention winemaking, where little-to-no SO2 is used.

Can I fix it? No, but do some research into the style to make sure it is not supposed to be there. You can throw the wine into a decanter-type vessel and shake the the living hell out of it to get rid of the bubbles as well.

5. Heat Damage …aka cooked wine (madierized wine)

Can I fix it? The offending flavor can be weakened through decanting (watch this). Although, if it’s very aggressive, you should absolutely consider returning the bottle.

How you can tell: Duh, look for the bubbles or listen for the psssst. There can also be a bit of a zippy flavor. Not all secondary fermentation is on accident though. Some winemakers will use it to add a little kick to their wines, and some styles are naturally frizzante such as vinho verde or some gruner veltliners.

What it is: Wine ruined by exposure to too much heat. Imagine a pallet of wine cases cooking in the sun in the parking lot behind a wine store in Phoenix, AZ.

How you can tell: The wine smells jammy: sort of sweet, but processed. The smell is somewhat like a wine reduction sauce, mixed with a nutty, brown, roasted sugar-type aroma. Heat damage often compromises the seal of the bottle (the expansion from the heated air pushes the cork out) so it can be accompanied by oxidization.

Can I fix it? No, but you can store your wine at the proper temperature and ensure you are not the problem. 55 degrees is pretty well accepted as the best cellar temperature. The most important part of storage is a consistent temperature. Be mindful of how hot your garage gets in the summer if that’s where you store your wine. Don’t store wine in your attic.

6. UV Light Damage …aka lightstrike

What it is: Damage caused by exposure to excessive radiation, usually UV. Most commonly from storing wine in the sun or near a window.

How you can tell: Lightstrike occurs more commonly in delicate white wines like Champagne, Pinot Grigio, and Sauvignon Blanc. It can make the wine taste like a wet sweater.

Can I fix it? No, but you can be smart about storing your wine out of direct sunlight. The colored glass of wine bottles is supposed to mitigate lightstrike; so if you get a homemade white wine in a mason jar, put it in the darkest corner of your cellar.

7. Microbial and Bacterial Taint …aka I think there is something growing in there

What it is: Many microbes can live in wine in addition to yeast. If one of these colonies becomes too aggressively present pre- or post- alcoholic fermentation, you can start to get various off aromas. In small amounts, these can add appealing complexity, but if the colony becomes too vigorous, these flavors become faults, like too much salt in a dish.

How you can tell: Again, there are many other bacteria involved in winemaking. They all impart certain flavors and produce signature wine faults that fancy-pants Somms brag about being able to distinguish. Think of them like spices, in the right quantities they can add an appealing complexity; too much though and the wine becomes uninteresting. They can have medicinal (think menthol or cough drops), animal (barnyard, mushroom, horse), or acetic (balsalmic, champagne vinegar) flavors that at high levels, can be pretty gross.

Can I fix it? Unfortunately, no. Once it’s in there, that’s what you’ve got! Grab the microscope and go exploring!

Not All Wine Faults Are Actually Wine Faults1. Volatile Acidity …aka Acetic acid

What it is: This can be one of the most common wine faults, known as vinegar taint, but it is also a tool used by some high quality winemakers to develop complexity in their flavor profiles. Very high levels of acetic acid taste like balsamic vinaigrette…but tastes vary from one wine drinker to another on how much is too much in the wine. In other words, some vinegar taint is on purpose and that style just isn’t for you. Some is a wine making fault; an accidental or inadvertent overdose of acetic acid.

2. Tartrate Crystals …aka “glass” shards

What it is: These are mineral precipitates that form out of unfiltered, high mineral wines. They are little crystals sitting on the bottom of older bottles. They will cause you no harm, so long as you don’t cut yourself on them. Just decant the wine leaving the sediment in the bottle.

3. Herbal Aromas …aka smells “green”

What it is: Herbal aromas are typical parts of certain varietally-specific flavor profiles that can smell of grass, eucalyptus, or asparagus. The most common of these chemicals is methoxypyrazine or “pyrazines” for short, which are commonly found in Bordeaux-family grapes. To new or unfamiliar wine drinkers, these aromas can seem similar to sulfur or microbial wine faults. Try a lot of wines and you will get better at tasting the difference. Chin chin!

[johnboothus]

Wine 101: Sulfites

This episode of “Wine 101” is sponsored by E & J Gallo Winery. At Gallo, we exist to serve enjoyment in moments that matter. The hallmark of our company has always been an unwavering commitment to making quality wine and spirits. Whether it’s getting Barefoot and having a great time, making every day sparkle with La Marca Prosecco, or continuing our legacy with Louis Martini in Napa, we want to welcome new friends to wine and share in all of life’s moments. Interested in trying some of the wine brands discussed on “Wine 101”? Follow the link in each episode description to purchase featured wines or browse our full portfolio at TheBarrelRoom.com. Cheers, and all the best.

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In this episode of “Wine 101,” VinePair tastings director Keith Beavers discusses how sulfites affect wine. Sulfites are arguably the most important element of the wine fermentation process, besides grapes. Sulfur dioxide, otherwise known as SO2, has been used to preserve wine and food storage for centuries — with mentions of the element showing up in Sanskrit writings and even the Bible.

In addition, listeners will learn about the two types of SO2 — bound and free — and how they affect wine differently. Finally, Beavers explain why sulfur dioxide can create a rotten scent.

Tune in to learn more about sulfites.

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Keith Beavers: My name is Keith Beavers, and aren’t we all, deep down inside, no matter how old we are, a Steely Dan fan?

What’s going on, wine lovers? Welcome to Episode 23 of VinePair’s “Wine 101” podcast, Season 2. My name is Keith Beavers. I am the tastings director of VinePair. And yeah, how are you doing?

This is sulfites, wine lovers. This is sulfites. We got to clear the air with sulfites. Are you ready? Sit down. We got this. Let’s get some science going on.

When you have a glass of wine in your hand and you haven’t even smelled it yet, you haven’t even tasted it yet, you are anticipating it. Oh my gosh, I’m about to enjoy a glass of wine. When you put your nose in that glass, you’re going to get a bunch of information that you will interpret as certain aromas that you may have experienced in your life. If you haven’t or you can’t find it, someone will tell you something. However, what you’re expecting is a journey through this glass or through this bottle.

There are certain grapes and blends that have certain characteristics in the aroma profiles that are standard. Cabernet Sauvignon has a certain standard profile. Nebbiolo has a certain standard profile. When you’re smelling a Cabernet Sauvignon, or even a Cabernet Sauvignon blended with Merlot, Barbera, or a Chardonnay, you’re anticipating the aromas that are often associated with that wine. Then, you’re anticipating the additional layers of aromas that are brought about by the winemaking process. The initial aromas that you smell usually are called precursors, which are just the inherent aromas that are inside the grape that come out through the fermentation process and aging. Then, there are the aromas that come from oak or from stainless steel, which is not really a thing. Also, concrete, which is another weird thing. Yet, there are other aging aromas that will develop.

A wine will get more delicate, or you have a young wine that’s not meant to age. Still with that, you are anticipating something. You know that a red blend is going to smell like all the berries and vanilla. It’s going to be soft but it’s going to be pleasant. You know you’re about to experience that pleasant stuff. This experience with wine is only possible because of nature’s ability to combat elements in nature that can compromise that experience. In the next episode, we’re going to talk about some of those things that can compromise your wine experience.

Today, I want to talk about the thing that can protect the wine from some of these things that nature wants to throw at it. That thing is called sulfur, a natural element that takes up 0.5 percent of the weight of the Earth’s crust. You can go on Amazon and just type elemental sulfur. You can buy sulfur from Amazon. It’s a yellowish, pale yellow, brittle, solid substance. When it’s burned in the air, it creates a gas called sulfur dioxide, otherwise known as SO2. It’s in this form as a chemical compound that it’s most widely used by winemakers.

It is one of the most important elements of winemaking besides the actual grapes in the fermentation process. Sulfur dioxide has been used since antiquity to preserve wine and food storage. From ancient Sanskrit speakers, it was called “sulvere.” In the Bible and the Book of Genesis, they call sulfur “brimstone.” In the 15th century, where German winemakers would burn wood shavings, they would use sulfur and herbs inside barrels to prepare them to put the wine in. Finally, in the 18th century, some of the most prestigious Bordeaux chateaux learned from the Dutch to do the same thing to their barrels. Today, SO2 (sulfur dioxide) is used in pretty much all winemaking.

It makes sense because of its protective qualities. To understand this wine protector and what it does for wine, it does two main things. Number one, it’s a minor antimicrobial agent. It sounds pretty cool, right? And number two, it helps to prevent oxidation. It helps to prevent browning agents from browning a wine. Now in the vineyard, remember how I said it takes up some of the Earth’s crust? Well, naturally, there is sulfur in vineyards, and often there’s enough in the soil mix to help prevent whatever is happening out in the vineyard. However, there are certain fungi like powdery mildew, which is a very tough fungus to get rid of. The wineries will sometimes spray sulfur on their vineyards to make sure that powdery mildew does not infect their vines.

Remember in the first couple episodes of the first season, I talked about the challenges that a winemaker has out in the vineyards and how nature is just out there and you have to navigate it? The same thing happens when wine comes into the winery. Once you crush grapes and start the wine process, that grape juice is vulnerable to all kinds of bacteria and oxygen ready to destroy it. Not destroy it, but break it down into something else. It’s nature.

If you were to take an apple, slice it open, and just leave it on the counter, then come back in an hour or so, you’ll notice that oxygen has been soaking into the apple. The apple is browning. That is nature oxidizing and breaking down matter. If you taste that apple, you’ll notice that it’s not as sweet as you expect because the browning agents are starting to take hold and reduce the apple. If you were to shock that apple with SO2, that would protect the apple from browning. If you ever had dried fruit, dried fruit is shot with a ton of sulfur or SO2. A ton, so much more than wine ever gets.

In your typical glass of wine, there are about 0.005 to 0.010 grams of sulfites in your glass. In dried fruit, there’s 10 to 20 times that amount. In wine, we’re just trying to prevent a couple of things from happening, but in food, they’re trying to saturate the whole thing. I find this exceptionally fascinating. I love this stuff. I think science, nature, and chemicals are so amazing. When we understand it and we can harness it, it’s even better.

Now, what happens here is when they shock the must with SO2, two things are going to happen. Number one, during the fermentation process, the SO2 is going to soak into the grape juice. It’s going to bind itself with some of the constituents in the grape juice like sugar and pigment. What that does is it maintains the color and maintains that sugar content. Once the SO2 has saturated as much as it can into the must, there is often still SO2 available that has not binded to the wine. The SO2 that soaked in and did that work is called bound SO2 because it bound itself with constituents in the wine. The SO2 left over from that is called free SO2. That free sulfur dioxide is the sulfur dioxide that does the work of rendering browning agents impotent — not allowing the wine to break down so we can enjoy the things that the wine and the winemakers want us to enjoy.

With all that work being done, there’s going to be some residual sulfites in the resulting wine. There is a very small percentage of the population of humans out there that have a problem metabolizing these sulfites. And because of that, they can have an allergic reaction. It’s very rare, but it happened enough that the TTB, which regulates alcohol in our country, regulated that wine labels need to say, somewhere, “contains sulfites” as a warning. The term “contains sulfites” is the total of the bound and free sulfites together. It’s called the total sulfites. How is your brain doing? Is it a little science-y right now?

It’s a lot, but the thing is, these are things that winemakers have to talk about. What’s really interesting about this whole SO2 addition is it’s going to happen to every wine. It just depends on how much they want to add. It’s really a case-by-case basis. Winemakers are trying to make good wine, and they know that SO2 will protect the wine. They know that if they don’t add enough, something bad is going to happen. If they add too much, something bad is going to happen. If they do that, something may or may not happen on those ends of the spectrum. However, right in the middle, there’s a really good chance that the wine will be sound. It makes sense.

Now that you think about it, if you don’t add enough SO2, more of it is going to bind than be free, or maybe there’s not even enough to bind and be free. Then, you’re letting things in like browning agents and spoilage yeasts. What’s going to happen is that stuff is going to take over the wine. This extreme, no-addition stuff is what people are calling “natural wine” or “low-intervention.” I’m not going to talk about those terms because they have no definition. They’re not really even real. I can’t educate you on things that have no definition. We’ll talk a little bit more about that in the next episode.

If you add too much SO2, you’re overprotecting the wine. When a wine is opened and you pour it into the glass, it wants to breathe. It needs oxygen to open up. Isn’t it crazy how oxygen is the enemy and the friend of wine? Once the wine is poured into a glass, you want oxygen to start opening it up and do the work of all the aromas and stuff coming out. If you over-shock with SO2, the oxygen can’t do enough work, and it makes the wine a little bit flabby.

I was talking to Scott Kozel, who I interviewed for the oenology episode, and he told me that this is really the only tool in the toolbox winemakers have to stem out oxidation. What’s cool is that it is a natural element. It is not a manufactured thing. A little side note: Scott Kozel wrote his thesis on sulfites when he was in school. And because of that, we had another mind-blowing conversation that confirmed a lot of the research I did for this episode. He said some interesting stuff. One thing was that winemakers are more concerned about free SO2 than they are about bound SO2 because those browning agents are a big deal. They don’t want those to take over.

Then I asked him, what is it about the sulfur in nature or the residual sulfur that is used to spread in the vineyard? Does that make it into the winery? And then how does that work? What’s interesting is he said that the sulfur that comes in from the winery often gets converted into what’s called hydrogen sulfide. (Sulfide with a D, not with a T). This is the form of sulfur that smells like rotten eggs. Actually, elemental sulfur also smells like rotten eggs. Hydrogen sulfide, when fully converted, really has a stank on it. If a winery isn’t practicing good hygiene, then that stink will sometimes make it into the wine. That’s why sometimes when you open a wine, it stinks a little bit. Just let it blow off because it’s residual hydrogen sulfide from the winemaking process, and it was a little dirty.

He also said something that was fascinating. In the early days of canned wine, it showed that SO2 has a reaction to aluminum, which produces hydrogen sulfide. Back in the early days of canned wine, if you were to open a canned wine, it would smell rotten, but it would blow off. That’s basically what was going on. Nowadays, he said that the industry is catching up with that and they’re making more sound wine in cans by limiting the amount of sulfites in the cans so that it doesn’t have enough of a reaction with the aluminum. Interestingly enough, canned wine is low-sulfite wine. Woah. Not only that, but if a winemaker has a lineup of wines, they usually bottle. Then, if they want to add a line of cans to their brand, they really have to make two different wines. That’s crazy.

There you have it: A nice, general rundown of the sulfite thing. I wanted this to be an episode because there is a time in the industry where the idea of sulfites was a hotly debated subject with allergies. Now, sulfites are in a new realm of debate about additions, whether to even add any. I just wanted you guys to know the science behind it so you can make your own decisions based on what people tell you about sulfites. These are the hard scientific facts of what this will do. You may have heard or may be in the middle of a debate about the whole sulfite thing with somebody, but just know that it’s the decisions that people make that define the resulting wine. Science is there. Nature is there. It’s going to do whatever it does.

Winemakers have tools that they use, naturally, that help a wine become something wonderful. SO2 is one of the most important things they have to protect wine, but it comes down to what the winemaker cares about and what they want. Do they want nature to run rampant? Do they want to have control over it? Or do they want to overdo it? It’s a big world out there of wine. All three of those things happen, so this is what sulfites do for wine.

And I know I mentioned some things in this episode that you may not recognize, but just know that in the next episode when we talk about wine flaws, I’ll go into a little more detail about this. I’ll mention sulfites again, but we’re going to talk about what slips through the cracks when SO2 is not there to protect the wine. And things can get iffy. We’ll talk next week.

@VinePairKeith is my Insta. Rate and review this podcast wherever you get your podcast from. It really helps get the word out there. And now for some totally awesome credits.

“Wine 101” was produced, recorded, and edited by yours truly, Keith Beavers, at the VinePair headquarters in New York City. I want to give a big ol’ shout-out to co-founders Adam Teeter and Josh Malin for creating VinePair. And I mean, a big shout-out to Danielle Grinberg, the art director of VinePair, for creating the most awesome logo for this podcast. Also, Darbi Cicci for the theme song. Listen to this. And I want to thank the entire VinePair staff for helping me learn something new every day. See you next week.

Ed. note: This episode has been edited for length and clarity.

The article Wine 101: Sulfites appeared first on VinePair.

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[secretlyafiveheadeddragon]

Okay fine. If you insist.

Both are songs in which the singer is coming to terms with the fact that they don't think the other person is right for them. I know so many people have talked about how Too Sweet is a very very good song for Crowley post break up, so I'll just give you the bullet points.

"I take my whiskey neat/ My coffee black and my bed at three/ You're too sweet for me"

Aziraphale is someone unattainable to Crowley. He is trying to come to accept the perceived fact that him and Azi are just not meant to be. Aziraphale is beautiful and lovely and Crowley is hard and brittle. How could he have ever thought he could make it work?

"You know you're bright as the morning/ As soft as the rain/ Pretty as a vine/ As sweet as a grape/ If you can sit in a barrel/Maybe I'll wait"

This is a very important part, especially when I talk about Angel Eyes later, so keep it in mind. It can be interpreted as the hope. This is the optimist breaking through. He is going to wait for Aziraphale anyway, even when he has no evidence that it could ever work anymore. The wine metaphor connects to Crowley's own arc: the grape will sour and ferment, and it may become wine in the end. Aziraphale is still a grape, and Crowley will wait for him to see how Heaven truly functions.

"You keep telling me to live right/To go to bed before the daylight/But then you wake up for the sunrise/You know you don't gotta pretend"

I mean. This is the little comments that Azi makes that grate against Crowley. "You're the bad guys," "You're a demon." Azi always takes a high ground, and even though Crowley knows that it's because of Heaven, he can't help but feeling a bit angry at Aziraphale. He wants Azi to not have to pretend anymore, and it hurts that he is so deep into Heaven's delusion that he acts this way.

Okay, now let me talk about Angel Eyes.

This will make a lot more sense if you consider all of the internalized feelings that Azi has about Crowley; everything that Heaven has told him is Good and Moral. These thoughts are in the chorus, and keep repeating every time the song reminisces on the man with the angel eyes.

"Look into his angel eyes/ One look and you're hypnotized/ He'll take your heart and you must pay the price/ Look into his angel eyes/ You'll think you're in paradise/ And one day you'll find out he wears a disguise/ Don't look too deep into those angel eyes"

Don't let him tempt you! He's trying to make you feel that way. It can never be, because, well, he's one of the Bad Guys. Also, Crowley's eyes are something that we all know that Azi finds beautiful.

Running with that thought, this also show something about Crowley. The fact that Azi has time to look into his angel eyes at all means that Crowley is taking off his sunglasses, which goes hand in hand with him being vulnerable. The more comfortable and open that Crowley is with Aziraphale, the more those little internalized thoughts creep into his mind and tell him that it's all a ruse, a temptation. He'll take your heart and you must pay the price. Don't look too deep into his angel eyes.

"Sometimes when I'm lonely, I sit and think about him/ And it hurts to remember all the good times/ When I thought I could never live without him/ And I wonder, does it have to be the same/Every time? When I see him, will it bring back all the pain?/ Ah-ha-ha, how can I forget that name?"

Aziraphale loves Crowley, and not a day goes by where he doesn't feel a little bit guilty about it. When he does allow himself to "indulge" he feels like he's failing. It's one thing when Crowley is right there in the room with him, it's another to think about him when he's not.

I encourage you to listen to the songs right now, because music is beautiful and I love it, and all of the connections I'm about to pull will make sense if you have both songs fresh in your mind. No pressure tho, I'll try to spell it out if you've made it this far.

Okay, so why are these songs two sides of the same coin? Because they are both all of the reasons that they think they can't be with the other.

Too Sweet details all of the differences in their worldviews, how they live, where they are one their respective journeys that Crowley thinks are the biggest challenges in making it work. It shows how even despite all that Crowley knows about Heaven and Hell and the bullshit they pull, he still thinks that Aziraphale is too good for him. And it shows a small point of optimism even in his most pessimistic moments. "Because underneath it all, Crowley was an optimist." It shows the ways that Aziraphale's relationship with Heaven affects Crowley as well. The instrumentation is dark and sad and dramatic.

Angel Eyes shows the ways that Aziraphale sees Crowley through the lens of Heaven. He is an indulgence, a beautiful sin, a temptation. He is a comfort that goes against everything that Heaven has told Aziraphale that he is. The instrumentation is brighter and more happy if you were just listening to it causally, but in combination with the lyrics it is sad and dramatic. It feels like looking into those angel eyes is a life-or-death matter that will change your life forever.

Both songs talk about the subject in a bittersweet way. Too Sweet never villainizes the subject of the song. Angel Eyes shows that the singer is still in love with the subject as well (if you want to read it like I am.) They are two opposite tones, and I think that they almost perfectly encapsulate the Ineffable Husband's complicated feelings about each other. Anyway, I just wrote a short essay on two unrelated songs and a gay TV show, so I'm going to go think about what I'm doing with my life and listen to these two songs on repeat. Thanks for reading all of this if you did.

Too Sweet by Hozier is to Crowley as Angel Eyes by ABBA is to Aziraphale no I will not elaborate