#preserved and gone to me

[underwatersurfboard]

head in hands thinking about every movie that’s ever been lost or shelved. how could we lose something like that? i still know everything about you and i’ll never see you with my own eyes. you’ve been lost completely, or preserved just once, in some delicate archival prison. i never knew you, i know all about you, i miss you, and we’ve never met and we never will. you’re alive but only halfway. only in memory- only in my mind.

[keikakudom]

"Did someone call for a doctor - of love?!"

FOP characters are a lil tricky to stylize, and im not quite sure if im satisfied with how i drew cupid yet, but ahah it's a work in progress

[tierras]

Oh dear, why are you quitting ?

mostly because my manager is severely unstable and toxic :(

[slavhew]

Hello!

If you're not too busy, would you mind listing some of the things you think count as death flags for Mr. Spender?

There's the obvious fact that he's the "old" mentor to group of young protagonists, but what else do you think would count?

OHH BOY ok so I'd think I'm a crackpot for this but since we're talking about Zack "Foreshadowing" Morrison. I have some thoughts

No harm in leading with the (chronologically) first thing that jumped out at me:

This one IMMEDIATELY made me antsy whenever I came back to it after my initial read, and considering Zack has referred to it on twitter in the past as one of their favorite jokes it's definitely not been forgotten about.

Second, the sheer amounts of near-misses, jokey or not, of Spender narrowly avoiding specifically lightning

Again, not much, but it's weird that it happened thrice, latter two of which had real gravitas rather than an one-off joke.

And third, Spender himself. He's repeatedly shown himself to be kind of a self sacrificing idiot, as well as prideful to a fault. Granted, it's both him and Mina trying to take on all the responsibility of saving Mayview and its inhabitants from their fate.. But Spender is exactly that right measure of doesn't-value-himself-enough (chest footprint aftercare or lack thereof), having an obscene amount of power (enables his loner act + pride) and poor judgement that has the capacity to put him at great risk. And it has!

Spender has not only shown low enough self-esteem to view himself as the de-facto scapegoat for the safety of the town, but also prideful enough to make very bad calls that end up in people, often himself, hurt (COUGH FORGE INCIDENT COUGH)

This is all conjecture, but it's definitely enough to make me worried about him :') Even if all this doesn't mean he'll necessarily die he's definitely getting (even more) seriously injured at some point. I love the guy but he's so far doing a horrible job of convincing me he wants to live bad enough to circumvent at least that

[uncanny-tranny]

You know... it's okay to trust your body. If you are separated from your body to such an extent you feel you cannot trust it, I truly from the bottom of my heart empathize and feel grief for you, but you can trust your body.

It's okay to listen to your body and to heed what it is telling you. I wish you (and your body) well wherever you go. You deserve the peace of mind to feel able to do what you want.

[skunkes]

if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.

[allegoryofthebeast]

I am obsessed that Jedi: Survivor explores Cal more or less slipping into the dark side/dark behaviors and patterns and how leaning into emotion as a Jedi can make you significantly more powerful though also extremely reckless and aggressive - however a balance could perhaps be reached by Jedi with the patience and support to understand their darker emotions and how it could be beneficial or harmful given the situation. But they fr don’t. Every time something within that vein happens to Cal everyone is like damn… crazy. Anyway

[divinekangaroo]

Feel like there’s not very much attention paid to the S2 trauma of Tommy being coerced into use as an assassin.

(and, from a few of my notes during the S2 rewatch, the men he killed were sufficient to trigger great hostilities w Ireland; effectively he killed those men and (re-)started a war?) ‘The Chosen One’ / ‘I am Chosen’ / ‘May the Chosen One smoke?’

And then Churchill letting Tommy think he was being executed ‘Chosen One’ and crawling out of the grave owing his life to Churchill ‘I am Chosen’; the way Tommy asked for his last cigarette before that execution ‘May the Chosen One smoke’; his rage and disgust in both scenes, the coat on the meat hook and reminiscence of hanging…

The way he has to ‘give up on grace’ just prior to committing the first assassination, the way he has sex w Lizzie like eating a last meal he can’t even taste; the way he gives up on actual Grace as well as grace, just before he resigns himself to his own execution…

I mean, I’m nonsensical about it, can’t quite explain; at S1 it is a fairly hopeful ending; his personal ‘schemes’ for S2 reach high but aren’t wildly out of reach. To that point, when he’s killed it’s primarily been in the heat of battle.

But then he’s pulled off the street and forced to cold premeditated murder.

That first assassination he committed I feel did him some serious, serious damage, and that was the point that he did release any idea of ‘grace’ for himself, with everything that followed just further embedding that belief.

[gratuiciel]

Feel like there was potential for Gortash to upload his own mind inside a robot, or at least a copy of it just in case things went south. Dude has been experimenting with brains AND robots, surely he could have come up with something.

[fireandkimstone]

the best sonic game in a fucking decade drops along with a remaster of the best 3d sonic game from the 2010's sonic fans:

[not-your-bro]

despite cdpr doing nothing with it, i think i'll be forever fascinated by the potential of regis relapsing after his regeneration, due in part to the blood he drank at stygga. regis' whole disposition changes after he drinks, to the extent that he needs only say one sentence for geralt to look at him like bro are you good. yet when they reunite post-regeneration (and specifically discuss regis' addiction!!!!) it isn't brought up at all. and regis is apparently fine enough that he can put himself through extreme temptation at tesham mutna and still walk away with his sobriety intact.

but like, c'mon!! if the last thing you did before getting fireball blasted into the void was taste the most delicous thing imaginable - the thing you're wired to crave but have deprived yourself of for so long - wouldn't you come back wanting nothing more than to taste it again? cdpr? cdpr open up i just want to talk

[orcelito]

I think I cried harder today over my dad's jackets than I did at his deathbed. That was a miserable time of course, a memory that will likely be seared into my brain until I die, but I cried... I think a normal amount, all things considered. More than I ever usually do of course, but I typically don't cry At All. All this free crying is certainly surreal.

The jackets, though. I was put in charge of doing his laundry, because we don't want to pack up dirty clothes. I was expecting it to be unpleasant bc my dad's dirty clothes - gross. But really, it was much more unpleasant in that... those were his. It felt wrong to touch them. Felt wrong to treat his jackets as gross. Because they were just his jackets. They weren't even in the hamper. And then I was remembering him wearing them, and then I was crying. Again. And again. Weeping over these damn jackets.

Then I found a shirt on his bed that still smelled like him. It smelled like a Hug From Dad. And that set me off crying even harder.

In total, I think I cried like 6 times within 40 minutes. It took me that long to finish sorting the damn clothes bc I just. Was a wreck. Like, what are you supposed to do when you're living life like normal, vaguely hopeful bc you're taking steps to secure your own happiness, and then 4 days later you're sorting your dad's laundry because he fucking died. Suddenly. Without a goodbye.

And you have to worry about his lack of a will (even under an ideal situation, only 2 heirs and no conflicts between us, probate's a fucking Bitch), and arranging the funeral, and prepping his obituary, and picking out pictures, and writing a speech bc you want to talk at his funeral, of Course you want to talk at his funeral, but even just thinking about anecdotes you could share has you crying yet again.

I've cried more times in the past 3 days than likely the entirety of last YEAR. And that's WITH my cat, and uncle, and family friend dying. Those all hurt, my uncle most of all, & I was real fucked up over it. But this? This was my Dad. Likely the person I'd have named 2nd closest to me in my life, second only to my sister. He wasn't perfect, but he did so much for me throughout my entire life. All he wanted was to raise us to be happy and independent. And he accomplished it, we're getting by without him, but we still wanted several more decades with him. He was only 57. We should've gotten several more decades with him.

But here we are now. Playing investigators to his life, digging into all his shit, trying to find documents and take inventory of all his things, and learning Many things about him in the process. In his lockbox of sensitive documents, like his SSN and birth certificate and all that stuff, we found an old letter. About a decade old now, written in my hand. Right at the very top, we found that he'd kept the letter I wrote to him telling him frankly about my struggles and the things I wanted him to do better. He kept it. He tried to take it to heart. He looked at it again, sometime more recently than all the rest of the documents. That was on top.

His love for us is evident everywhere. The pictures he has hanging up all over the place, majority of them with us in them. The old fathers day cards placed on display in his bedroom bookshelf. The gifts we gave him, even stupid little knick knacks, placed around his apartment with pride. I wish we'd taken more videos of him. I don't want to forget the sound of his voice. I don't want to forget his smell either, the smell of a Hug From Dad, but I still tossed that shirt into the wash even though it felt like saying yet another goodbye.

It's the suddenness that hurts the most, I think. We were planning on having him help me finally get my license this year. My final words to him, the last thing he would've seen from me, were messages asking up on whether he'd called his car insurance company to make sure there wouldn't be problems. I should've called him more. I don't know if I'm going to learn from this.

I cut my 2 weeks off early to have time to grieve and to work on things for the funeral and settling the estate. The last thing I'd wanna do right now is selling fucking bubble tea in a job I already decided to leave. So here I am without a job, though with potentially two life insurance policy payouts to come. Inheriting half his 401k. Inheriting couches, knickknacks, keepsakes, paintings, art pieces, maybe even his guitar and other furniture if we can figure out what to do about space (I don't have room for this furniture, I don't know if I even have room for the couches, but God do I want to keep so much of this furniture). It has me even considering keeping one of his guns, just one. A tiny little revolver, it sits so comfortably in my hand. I don't even want to use it for anything. I just want to have it, keep it stored in a drawer with its ammo kept separate. I don't like guns, but this is a part of him. He loved collecting guns. He was about as responsible with them as someone can be, keeping them locked in a lockbox and impressing upon his children the importance of gun safety (I've known the basic gun safety rules ever since I was a little kid. Of course, of course, of course.) It reminds me of him. It's horrifically easy to have a gun in Indiana. I apparently don't even need a permit to carry anymore. (I have no intention to ever carry this in public.)

It's all a cycle. Business, grief, thoughts about my future. Round and round, like the most nauseating carousel in existence. I don't know how I'm still so functional. My skills with compartmentalization have been my lifesaver.

And im just thinking about the story my dad's best friend shared today. About a friend of theirs who lost her father. She reached out after hearing about my dad to share his words with her: "it's okay to grieve, but don't make his death your life".

He explicitly referenced himself in this, saying if he were to die suddenly that he wouldn't want us to define ourselves by it. Grief is expected, but he wants us to be able to move on. He's always wanted us to establish ourselves and make ourselves happy. He wouldn't want to be a weight holding us back from that.

So every time I start to feel guilty for thinking about having nicer furniture or using his life insurance payout to fund the rest of my college, I remind myself of that. Thinking about the material isn't a bad thing. I'm only human. And in the end, he'd Want me to be thinking about it. He never intended to die, certainly not without warning like this, so he would've only encouraged me being pragmatic about it all.

He only ever wanted us to be happy. So I need to do what I can to live up to that.

I love him. I miss him already.

[shallowrambles]

sometimes i think about the contrast between andrea and cas

both are “too far gone”

and in the same episode we get such a stark contrast! benny preserves deans happiness; dean does not preserve benny’s

comparing benny saving cas to dean killing andrea is stark and even bleak

(no time maybe for discussion w/benny but it was a fatal blow to andrea; there was no disablement or consideration for knock out blows, certainly no rational convo with her, or emotional appeal for second chances/how to beat addiction etc etc; so very telling)

i mean, benny was doing plenty of flagrant dismissal-and-dehumanization-and-escalation all on his own, but!

just a flash of teeth and bam

dean chose the coldest, most permanent solution; the hunter’s choice

is it any wonder benny wanted to stay in purgatory? his unfinished business now resides there

[countdown-til-sanders-take-over]

can i see the birdhouse

Still a work in progress but I’ve gotten this much so far!

[neathbound-fiends]

Crossposting this to Tunglr but I was thinking abt food and the diets you'd have on ship (especially as a mercantile vessel, so they lack the military funding of the Royal Navy) and I do think it would be really interesting to see crew bringing ideas from their homes for stuff. Like, I think it would be more difficult to make work given that the Neath is humid, but I wonder if there's a way to swing it that could make borts work and stay stable. I wonder if you could do buttered eggs to preserve them well enough to keep them as rations. Lutefisk and salted herrings. do you see my vision

Edited because HOW could I forget pickling

[detective-piplup]

okay but like I joke about how much I like fireknight and how it consumes so many of my waking thoughts but it actually does . it does so much to me. a lot of it was built through fanon and clinging onto scraps from the games bc i doubt devsis will ever let them interact again but they are like insane to me.

fire spirit’s weird relationship with affection and love is also part of why I like them so much yes that was the source of the divine visions earlier .

nobody look at the tags of this post.