#pre-femslash really

[olderthannetfic]

I feel like Homestuck is an interesting case study when it comes to comparing numbers of M/M vs. F/F fanworks. Because the gender ratios of Homestuck's protagonists are scrupulously balanced -- all of the protagonist groups have exactly equal numbers of male and female characters.

However, just because the genders are balanced in theory, that doesn't necessarily correspond to the characters' prominence in the narrative. Dave and Karkat (both boys) have the most lines of any characters in the comic… and guess what, Davekat is the most popular ship! Meanwhile, the two original female leads (Rose and Jade) barely have any conversations with each other over the entire comic, and both of them have significantly fewer lines than the two original male leads (Dave and John, who do interact with each other a lot and are the third most popular ship on AO3).

There are places where (Tumblr and AO3) fandom's preference for male characters becomes obvious, though. The trolls (a secondary protagonist group) are technically gender-balanced, but the ones who end up becoming most important to the narrative are mostly girls. And yet Eridan/Sollux (a ship featuring two minor male trolls) is almost twice as popular on AO3 as Vriska/Terezi, two girls who are both very important characters and whose deliciously complicated relationship is frankly the core of Homestuck. And to be honest, I do truly believe that Vrisrezi would be way, WAY more popular if Vriska and Terezi were boys instead of girls.

But really… even if it's not "fair" that Erisol is more popular than Vrisrezi, there's no point in scolding people for their individual ship preferences. People like what they like, and if someone isn't interested in femslash, guilting them over it isn't gonna magically make them enjoy it.

Hell, I'm part of the "problem" myself in that I almost exclusively write M/M… because I'm a dude who's attracted to other dudes, and what I want to do with my free time is write about hot men being complicatedly in love with each other. Sorry to the girls; they're all very interesting but I'm just not horny for them. Them's the breaks.

--

Yeah. I'm certainly not denying that AO3 has a trend towards male characters overall... it's just that it's not meaningful in the way people think it is. AO3 was built by a bunch of slashers, so there's that. But the really significant thing is that there are spaces that are mostly horny fan art about girls and we don't go "Gosh, why is there no dude stuff here other than Link getting railed???"

There's only a mystery if we think there's a "normal" level of femslash that the specific demographic on AO3 would "naturally" be producing if we weren't sexist. This idea is based on... well, on nothing, usually, but if it's justified at all, people are like "Well, you're a woman and you like pussy, so you would naturally also like fanfic of two women." There are plenty of reasons why this is a stupid assumption, starting with the fact that fanfic is inherently about pre-existing material.

Honestly, when I encounter media with two female leads with a complicated relationship and I think both of them are super hot, I ship the hell out of it. That happens like once a decade. Thanks, casting directors. (I've never read Homestuck because the art makes my eyes bleed.)

The real question is how many different places Homestuck fans hang out and whether they all look the same. Tumblr and AO3 are both huge, but when people get on their high horse about too many people having the same taste in these spaces, I have to wonder if they have a problem with people of like tastes hanging out together full stop.

[tarochimochi]

Femslash February with my most requested pairing leafpin! their doomed my narrative yuri guys hear me out

(Link is safe as always!)

under cut is piece explanation blah blah

Both pin and leafy in their adult forms respectively are exact opposites, Leafy’s growing her hair out while Pin prefers to keep it shorter, Pin’s got her jacket and short skirt while Leafy’s got her cropped tank top and long skirt, the list goes on really but you would never think their friends or get along.

I like to think they did back in BFDI and were best friends but the more time the hung out less they more distant they became. In BFDIA their relationship becomes shattered almost and they practically hate each other. As time goes on it mellows out and their relationships goes about as far as liking each other’s instagram post. In BFB pre split, they’ve changed so much as people and they’ll be friendly to each other but they don’t really even try on their relationship to much. I have a comic/fic planned where they talk in pre-split BFB after Leafy helps Pin with doing a quick task that she has trouble doing because of her crutches and they talk to each other but overall the ending is them just acknowledging they moved on from each other and they shouldn’t try to force themselves back into a friendship.

Just because they were important to each other at some point doesn’t mean they are just as important now. Both of them wear stuff given to them by the people most important in their life, Leafy has two bracelets from Firey and Gelatin, while Pin has two necklaces from Needle and Coiny.

Their inner colors though, are each others because they helped each other become the people they are, but they have nothing physically to show for their once strong friendship.

[femmefighter]

What kind of dom do you think Ahsoka (post episode 5) would be in the bedroom and overall?

I love how this is the kind of ask that gets dropped in my inbox 😂 C'mon anon, don't be shy. Let's be friends and we can yell about Ahsoka's kinky shit together.

But to answer your question: top-service dom, all the way. Be it her intuition about her partner(s), or using the Force, she knows what they want, what they need, and she gives it to them. Do they want to be humiliated, spoken down to, called names? She'll do it. Do they have a praise kink? She's got them covered. Do they want to feel controlled and made a meal out of? Her Togruta fangs will delight them. Do they want to suck on mommy's fingers? Open up, babygirl.

The only difference I see with pre and post episode 5 with Ahsoka is her willingness to allow herself to love another with abandon, trusting herself that she can do so without it becoming a toxic attachment like the one that led to her master's downfall. I don't subscribe to some of fandom's take that love = attachment. I believe the concept of 'attachment' that the Jedi warn against is the unhealthy love-attachment we see with Anakin, where he can't let go of those he loves. He gets jealous, controlling, and so many times we see him not trust Padmé's word or undermine her wishes. The complete opposite we see of that is Kanan and Hera's relationship, where both of them adore each other, but accept that maybe they'll have to make decisions that will result in the other's death or abandonment.

Ahsoka focuses on her being mentored by Anakin, how well they worked together and how much they adored each other, that she can't see how much she differs from him, and is actually more like Kanan than she realises. I love the camaraderie we see between her and Kanan in Rebels, and the friendship (or more?) between her and Hera from Rebels through into the Ahsoka series. I'm not a fan of the writing in the Ahsoka series, but I see what their vision was and love it anyway, where Ahsoka finally finds peace within herself. She's allowing herself to be the best of Anakin, to acknowledge that he was a good master to her, and still trust herself to live her life and not fall as he did.

Sorry, that got a bit analytical and deep for an ask about sex kinks 😂

Anywho, here's some hot dom Ahsoka fic recs you didn't ask for:

To Possess A Senator by Sixes_and_Sevens - a delicious Ahsoka/Mon smut fic where dom Ahsoka really feeds Mon's shame kink to the max!

Heat On Mandalore - my own little Sokabine smut fic where Sabine gets dommed, tied up, praised, punished and completely ravished by her master.

Training Day by ambiguously. Another Sokabine fic (coz it's me, hello) post Ahsoka season 1. I cannot love ambigously's writing enough, from their characterisations to their writing style. And this piece is delightful.

The bird, the tiger, and the owls by Halepo. Polycule fic based around established Sokabine and Bokoska with past Bosoka suggested, where they all decide to treat themselves to a hot Mandalorian orgy. Like, yum!

Anyone else got some delectable femslash fics where Ahsoka gets her hot dom Togruta mommy vibes going, hit me up in the comments!

Thanks for the ask!

@btwxsixesandsevens @ambiguityisnoonesfriend @halepo

[wawamouse]

5 - first sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP

8 - if you had to write a sequel to a fic, you’d write one for…

5 - first sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP

(oh, the math…. 😵‍💫) (also due to Wip Wednesdays, I’m pretty sure I’ve shared this part of virtually all my other wips, other than this one:)

“Miguel, is Guerra doing anything to you against your will?” McManus asks point blank.

🤣

8 - if you had to write a sequel to a fic, you’d write one for…

Oooh, such an interesting question. My fic? Someone else’s fic? Lol… I guess I’ll go off my own. :P Damn… See, because I usually do just write sequels if they come to me, but I also have some semi-abandoned wips from other fandoms that I’d love to have finished… Ok, kind of random, but looking through my fics list, I think a lot of my Oz ficlets present interesting cases for sequels… (yes this is more than one, shh)

Sunshine and Rainbows - Diane & Gloria - I envisioned it as pre-femslash so I guess it would be interesting to try and tackle the follow up where it tips more in that direction?

Blood Race - Miguel/Chico - Would probably take a sequel in a darker direction tbh, the hearts in Chico's eyes obscuring all the blood & that sort of thing. Despite everything, I feel like I've never really attempted to write a Miguel/Chico fic that's actually all that dark or toxic (relative to them and the show setting, obviously). It's still on my to-do list.

Recognition of Another - Kenmin & Cyril - Kinda in the back of my mind still obsessed with the idea of a canon divergence where Kenmin weirdly befriends Cyril instead (not with any noble intentions but still). Idk, Cyril's enthusiasm for wushu in the show was cute for those like... 2 seconds... But, nobody cares about Jia Kenmin and tbh neither do I, really. He's just kinda fun to try an understand, Chinese dude to Chinese character 😂

[lumosatnight]

💗 Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. spread the self-love! 💗

Hi @wilfriede, thanks for the ask! Honestly, it changes every other week (just like my favorite ship 😅) but I will try my best. Excluding anything on my author's favorites list, here are some of my recent faves:

he has my heart [Sirius/Harry/Severus, E, WIP] ⭐ Currently posting daily for @microficmay, I really wanted to write a Snirry fic and what better than in a Voldemort Wins AU??

up here, i'm floating [Bellatrix/Molly, M, 1.2k] ⭐ One of my favorite femslash ships. I am absolutely feral for Mollytrix canon-compliant lovers to enemies with Molly dealing the final blow to Bellatrix.

The Hunting Hat [Sirius & Regulus, G, 2.0k] ⭐ The Black brothers in a Supernatural AU. Some brotherly bonding and mentions of monster-hunting. I really do need to write more gen fic. So many character dynamics to explore!

Death and Undeath [Fred/George, George/Harry, E, 3.1k] ⭐ A dead dove fic focusing on George's obsessive goal of bringing Fred back to life and his unhealthy relationship with Harry. I ADORE this fic.

Just Wednesday [pre-Wednesday/Enid, T, 2.2k] ⭐ A non-HP fic that I am particularly fond of. Some gender exploration and trying out pronouns. I love the format, I love the vibes, I love Wednesday's dynamic with Enid.

BONUS! Kinktober 2023 Series [Multi-ship, E, 15.5k] ⭐ What it says on the tin! This was me challenging myself to write more smut and more kinks: 31 kinks, 31 ships, 31 days.

I'm too lazy to do asks so I'm tagging instead: @elisedonut @mischiefmandied @mugsdontlie @mundrakan @leda-timeandspace

[ivory--raven]

angelfish femslash feb day 10 ft. pre(?)-ineffable bureaucracy because it's IB's @rareomens day

The sky seems to crack as Michael appears just outside the door. Annoyance fizzes around her. She comes into the house holding The Celestial Times, which Jeanne plucks out of her hand.

“That was my newspaper!”

Jeanne is already paging through it. “Did you really need it?

“Gabriel is in it,” says Michael, frowning.

Dagon springs up from the sofa she was lying on. “Gabriel in the paper?”

“It’s a fashion feature, of all things,” Michael says.

“I found it!” says Jeanne. Dagon peers over her shoulder. Sure enough, Heaven’s own newspaper contains a sketch of Gabriel dressed in the finest men’s fashion, and an interview about where he gets his clothes. “‘I go to a fine tailor, Davidson, on Cork Street in London,’” Jeanne read aloud.

“Gabriel goes to a tailor on Earth?” Dagon blinks at the page.

“It’s his worst vice,” sighs Michael, shaking her head. “He and Sandalphon both spend hours visiting that tailor. He’s insufferable when he gets back.”

“I used to think you angels were all perfect and flawless and majestic,” says Jeanne. 

“Gabriel certainly thinks he is perfect and flawless and majestic.” Michael crosses her arms over her chest.

“I know an angel who is better than Gabriel, an angel who is definitely majestic,” says Dagon.

“One who has better things to do than arrange for the paper to interview them about their most annoying habit,” adds Jeanne. 

Michael smiles. “You’re sweet, both of you.”

“We’ll rot your teeth.” Dagon sidles up to her. “Mind if I take that paper to work?”

“Don’t tell everyone, we can’t have demons thinking archangels are soft.”

“We can’t have that, of course not,” agrees Dagon, bringing Michael’s hand to her lips and kissing her knuckles. “It would only be Beelzebub.”

“That would be fine,” says Michael.

“If you bring me more copies, I’ll shred them and use them as bedding for the chickens,” says Jeanne.

Michael smirks.

Half an hour later, Dagon leaves for Hell with The Celestial Times. She makes a beeline for Beelzebub’s office and finds it empty. Of course. They’re in the throne room.

Demons gather near the throne room in hopes of having a proper audience. There aren’t many formalities observed, except that there are guards outside and only one demon at a time is allowed to make their case. It’s unlike visiting their office because in the throne room, the average demon has a reasonable expectation that when it’s their turn to speak, they will be heard out.

Dagon ignores the guards and marches inside. Some demon she doesn’t know is in the middle of an impassioned speech. “Get out,” she tells them. She faces the watching crowd. “All of you. We’re pausing.”

“Come back later,” says Beelzebub, and at their word the gathered demons actually leave. Once the throne room is empty, they turn to Dagon. “This better be good.”

Dagon produces The Celestial Times and turns to Gabriel’s page. “Voila.”

Beelzebub leans forward. “Izz that Archwanker Gabriel?”

Dagon nods.

“He goezz to a tailor on Earth?”

“Apparently!”

Beelzebub throws back their head and laughs. “Satan, that’s fantastic. Dare I azk where you got thizz?”

Dagon smirks. “If you don’t ask, I’ll let you keep it.”

Beelzebub pulls the paper out of her grasp. “All right. But I was going to keep it anyway.”

[may-bonne]

letty/mia fic recs!

this post only covers ao3, and it's an abbreviated list! the extended list, with additional recs, fic hosted on livejournal and old femslash archives, meta, art, and vids, is on my dreamwidth.

Red Sky at Night by dirty_diana. <2000, E. I think this is my favorite of the Letty-comes-back-after-the-first-movie fics. They both feel very true to character, and the way Letty takes care of Mia is just the right mix of sweet and rough around the edges.

Letty feels hot, fire beneath her skin. It's weird, Brian was always cool, like sunsets and lemonade, like nothing could touch him.

Such a Pretty Girl So Tired and Waiting Down Below by sinuous_curve. <4000, E. These are the most-kudosed fics in the tag for a reason. They're both set during the fourth movie - in the first, Mia ties Letty's wrists to the rear-view mirror and fucks her with a screwdriver and the whole thing is just delicious and they feel absolutely real. The second has scorching hot strap-on sex, crossdressing, perfect Mia, and perfect Letty. It's also very sweet and fun in a way that a lot of fourth-movie fic isn't, since so much of it is colored by the knowledge of what's about to happen to Letty. sinuous_curve's Mia also accepts Letty for who she is completely without being passive, which is a fine line to tread.

Mia laughs. “You got something you want to do with that, boy?” She turns her head and manages an awkward kiss on corner of Letty’s mouth. “I like you like this.”

Damage Done and Goddamn Golden Boy by escritoireazul. <1000, T. These are sort of two sides of the same coin, set before and during the first movie. escritoireazul does both one-sided attraction and smouldering jealousy really, really well. Damage Done has a really good, plausible Mia, and I think you understand exactly what she wants from Letty. Goddamn Golden Boy is from Letty's POV - knowing Mia's with Brian, knowing that maybe part of Dom wants to be. Completely note-perfect Letty.

“You’re better than them,” Mia hears herself say. She takes another gulp, and it’s so sweet and cold it burns her throat.

like a star across the sky by escritoireazul. <3000, T. This is the middle fic in a series of three, and the most Letty/Mia-centric. It's another Letty-comes-home fourth-movie fic. For its length, there's a lot of complicated history packed into this, and it's really wonderful.

She blinks hard. She’s not going to cry. Letty doesn’t. She just gets things done.

Something Quite Like Home by escritoireazul. <2000, G. Pre-slash - Mia and Letty leave the state together after the first movie, and go to the library. This one has an interesting take on Letty, kind of different from anything else on this list. It's very domestic without being cloying.

She's got her sunglasses and Mia's walking next to her and the soft thwap of her sandals is almost music, almost the rhythm of Letty's pulse.

Laundry Day (Extended Version) by escritoireazul. <2000, T. Short, sweet, hot, and I think about Mia sitting on the washing machine in her black bra with a rip in the back all the time.

"You gotta relax sometimes." Letty's voice goes rougher, and she pushes away from the edge of the wall, saunters up to Mia.

Adrenaline Junkies by rsadelle. <1000, T. This isn't really femslash, but I think it's a really lovely, subtle look at the ways in which Mia and Letty understand each other. It's set post-Fast Five, but it was written before the sixth movie came out, so there's no amnesia.

Mia thinks about all the things she knows have happened to Letty, and all the things she doesn't.

Something of Her Own by Ceares. <1000, T. This one has teeth; it's sort of hopeless in a nice way.

Letty is hers for six weeks and then Dom comes home off the circuit.

...i feel weird about recommending my own stuff because i obviously can't be objective, but the tag is like 50% me at this point, and it's hard to sort through. personally, i like are you with me now?, a&w, star witness, rapt, serene queen, and me, i disconnect from you.

[danggirlronpa]

I have been writing for femslash February and oohhh boy do I have Mikan/Komaru on the mind from what I wrote about them. Like, in normal DR canon timeline these two would probably never meet or if they would, wouldn't interact a lot or think of each other much, but if you take in account Another Episodes Bad Ending, suddenly they have the potential to have a wonderful toxic yuri love story. Like... what does Mikan think of this girl who's taken her beloveds place? There's so many ways for it to go, especially depending on how Komaru reacts to the whole thing. Does Mikan take the idea that Komaru could replace Junko to be an insult? Like, how dare you say you could be on her level? Or perhaps even more horrifying is the idea that she'd embrace it! Only calling Komaru "Junko-chan," and getting violently upset whenever it's pointed out she's not. Forcing Komaru to conform to her image of Junko (made more confusing if Komaru is in contact with other people who knew Junko, and those people contradict what Mikan says, leading her to always chase the idea of Junko but never know what it means, torn between contrary images of it). Komaru is in a very volatile and vulnerable state in the bad ending - she just made herself the enemy of the world, so even if she didn't want to become Junko the Second, she's in a position where no one would believe that anymore. She would be treated just as a remnant would be, or perhaps even worse... She has limited people she can count on, because the only people willing to be her allies would be the remnants of despair, Monaka, and Touko/Syo depending on how it all goes down. Plus the adults she "saved", but they would also radicalized her if they could. It's the perfect circumstances to recruit and influence her as a remnant of despair such as Mikan - she could even honestly say she had nothing to do with the entire Towa situation, and if she supported Komaru enough, Komaru could come to depend on her as one of the only people who are willing to ally with her and also didn't have any part to place in her previous suffering. It sounds like a dream come true for Mikan, too! A Junko Enoshima who not only forgive her, but *needs* and *depends* on her like a patient would. There is potential there for a toxic yuri tragedy. Plus, I just would love to see more stuff exploring Another Episodes bad ending and how the remnants would react to it.

For a more wholesome idea, if Komaru is captured along with the remnants post-bad ending and ends up in SDR2 in the NWP with them, Mikan and Komaru could also meet then (or remeet depending of how things went pre-nwp) and fall in love. Of course, I imagine that would also fall apart at chapter 3, so maybe these two are destined to be a tragedy, but still.

Oh my god. The concept of Mikan manipulating Komaru the way Junko manipulated her...incredible. Bad End Komaru really is an underappreciated gift in sheer narrative juiciness, and I LOVE this take on it. Who else loves you as much A the person who comes to you in your time of need? Enough to accept you despite what you've done? Enough to kill for you?

[lesbianmarrow]

do you have any femslash rarepair fic recs bc that is also my favorite kind of fic and i am always looking for more 👀👀

yesssss ehehehe....in the past ive never rlly kept track of fics ive read even if i liked them a lot but ive been trying to do it more. here are some ive read recently and liked

for star trek:

hold the girl by ericine - kira nerys/ro laren, 2k words, rated G - ive often found it difficult to imagine what a romantic relationship between kira and ro would look like, but ive always found the idea intriguing, and i really like how their relationship is imagined here

unsaid and done by ericine - ro laren/b'elanna torres, 2k words, rated E - i really liked the nonlinear-ness of this story, and these are two very fun characters to smash together. this story imagines that ro and b'elanna knew each other back when b'elanna was in the maquis pre-voyager and i thought that was a neat idea

for legends of tomorrow/arrow:

i'm a little mixed up, but i'm feelin' fine by pirateygoodness - sara lance/kendra saunders, 5.7k words, rated M - this is the lovebirds fic i am always recommending to people. it's bittersweet and oh it just makes my heart ache! ive reread it a bunch of times

i think it's best if we both stay by eliaalice - astra logue/spooner cruz, 4.5k words, rated T - spoonstra isnt reeeally a rarepair but idc i love them. this one is all about astra working thru her feelings for spooner and realizing that theyre not just best friend feelings. my sweeties

cute by gnimmish - sara lance/felicity smoak, 1.8k words, rated M - story about sara introducing felicity to her family, mostly told from her dad's pov. i just thought this one was rlly sweet

for xmen:

you're never gonna get a second take by moonrunes - xuân cao mạnh/ dani moonstar, 2k words, rated G - idk if karmirage counts as a rarepair anymore but im putting it anyways. big fan of xuân being horny for dani in a suit bc me too girl

untouchable by havok452 - kitty pryde/marrow, 971 words, rated T - really short fic that is inspired by & expanding on xmen unlimited 22 aka the kitty/marrow manifesto. i just love seeing marrow wrestle with her prickly painful feelings

if youve got any fic recs i would love to read them too >:)

[spicywhumper]

@febuwhump 2024: day 08. "why won't it stop?" + @femslash-february bingo 2024 (dark edition)* - "I didn't know who else to go" + whump bingo - comfort

series: the midnight tales / chasing the dragon | rating: teen and up audiences | word count: 1,070

content warning: blood and bruises, mentions of child abuse**, aftercare of said child abuse

* this is pre-relationship. warning for interspecies relationship even if they both look very human?

** Sienna's not aware of how bad the abuse is, she thinks Zoe's dad beats her only when they fight really bad and doesn't know it's an almost daily ordeal (even if she knows that Zoe heals too fast to be a normal human being). she also doesn't tell anyone because Zoe made her promise. they're only 16 here, so all Sienna can do is offer help and comfort when Zoe seeks her for it

since Dragons hibernate, Sienna's used to sleep very, very little. a couple of hours at most, and only when she's so exhausted that breathing seems to need lots of effort.

so she's, as usual, is wake when little, tiny rocks are thrown on her window. she sighs. not that she doesn't want to see Zoe, she's always happy to see Zoe, but it's a Wednesday night and they have a big test tomorrow, her human friend is supposed to be sleeping, since Zoe does need to sleep eight hours a day.

but she knows that Zoe only shows up at, she checks the bedside clock, 2:47 in the morning when she has a good reason. it's often one of her extremely graphic nightmares. the kind that Sienna doesn't know why she has, since Zoe's a regular old 16 year-old girl who lives a relatively comfortable life.

most of the time, at least, they don't talk about her older brother.

they don't talk about how the nightmares are about his death, the one she blames herself and always will (there's no point in attending that she doesn't. and Sienna understands, a little bit, she'd blame herself too if she was in the car with him.)

so despite the hour and the mild irritation, Sienna leaves her bed and pads towards the door. a pebble almost hits her forehead as she opens it, a "sorry" is mumbled from three or so meters below her. Sienna steps back and waits the minute or so that takes Zoe to climb up the wall and teach her window.

she looks awful.

"sorry," she says, Zoe doesn't look like she should be on her feet. "I didn't know who else to go to."

Sienna drags her to the bed before she collapses in a sad heap on her floor. then she turns on the lights to check whatever is going on. it's not the first time Zoe comes to her hurt, with bruises on her neck and a handprint on her face. with marks in her back and chest painted black and blue. and she doesn't give details, she has mumbled something about needing to protect Zacky. sensitive, small Zacky that was the perfect target for their father's rage.

so Zoe put herself between them, so Zoe misbehaved and was the problem girl.

today the bruise on her back bares the perfect handprint of her Father's hand, her left eye is almost closed and there's blood on her nose and her mouth. dried and dark, Sienna imagines she has walked around for a couple of hours before deciding that she did need some help. Sienna's her best option.

with a sigh, she tries to ignore the heartache. it's almost a physical pain, like someone is squeezing her heart and filling her chest with thick blood. it's not fair, she's not the one often hurt. often bruised and marked because her father doesn't like the way his children act. because she needs to put herself in the way, stop him from hurting her brother and her mother and Sienna hates all of this.

she hates how she can't help more than when Zoe comes crawling towards her for some ice and a couple of bandaids.

"what happened?"

"a mild fight, as always," her voice sounds raspy. "can I get some water?"

"yes. stay here."

Zoe nods, she clearly relaxes under the confirmation that Sienna will help her. there's... something warm about the way Zoe feels safe and comfortable around her, maybe because Sienna also feels safe and comfortable around her. (she ignored stories about fated mates and everything, she doesn't think a normal human being would understand that level of stupid bond that you don't quite choose to have).

Sienna's all silently as she grabs a washcloth, the first-aid kid and ice. her parents don't mind Zoe coming around, but they worry a lot and Zoe's clearly quite uncomfortable when she received attention from adults. Zoe doesn't want to think about how she looks scared of anyone who might have any power over her. and as calm as her parents are, Zoe's instincts will still tell her that those people weren't human.

it's almost funny that Sienna doesn't unnerve her.

(don't think too deeply about it, there's no way it means more than Zoe simply knows you, she told herself.)

"will you tell me what happened?" Sienna asks as she sits in front of her friend, who looks almost... deathky pale.

"another stupid fight about Zacky," she mumbles. "dad grabbed his arm too tight, he teared up and dad tried to shove him against a wall."

Zoe tells her with a cold, detached and empty voice. a voice that Sienna knows it means she's trying to not feel and not think whatever she's actually feeling and thinking. Zoe's the most protective person she knows, and she is and gave met Dragons...

"tell me more."

"why?"

"because you deserve someone listening to you," she sighs. "it'll sting."

Zoe doesn't flinch as Sienna cleans the cut on her eyebrow, and as she cleans the dried blood across Zoe's bruised eye. there are many things Sienna makes the deliberate choice of not thinking about, Zoe's apparent high resistance seems to be one of them.

"there's more?"

a long minutes passes before Zoe nods and takes off her shirt. it'd be easy to be distracted by her developing body (her shoulder and arms and stomach, what her parents feed her with?) if half of her torso isn't a black and blue bruises. from under her armpit to her waistband, there are bruises on her arms too, as Zoe probably shielded her head with them.

Sienna wants to throw up.

she wants to kill that bastard.

"I hate it," Sienna whispers, digging the first aid box for that ointment she bought for bruise. she has been told it's safe for any species for as long as it's not eaten. "why won't it stop?"

"I can't let him hurt them. it doesn't hurt that much."

"Zoe."

"and I heal fast."

"it doesn't matter!"

"Sienna, it'll be gone by tomorrow sunset."

"yes, you still come here for healing help."

"I don't."

"you're here right now."

Zoe sighs, her face flushing: "no, Sienna, I come here because you... you comfort me," she looks anywhere but Sienna. "I feel safe with you."

"you should stay with me."

"what about Zacky? and mom? I'll not leave them!"

"one day he'll kill you!"

"and I'll not leave my brother and mom in his hands. I don't care if it's ruining me, I can't stop it. I need them to be safe."

"yeah? I need you to be safe."

"I'm sorry, I really am."

[ao3feed-ds9]

Leftovers

https://ift.tt/PjaQE03 by SirenOfTitan As Lenara Kahn finds her way back into Dax's life, Ezri wonders if the spark she sees in the scientist's eyes is really for her. Words: 251, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Series: Part 4 of Sapphic Summer Ficlets 2024, Part 6 of DS9 Rarepair Ficlets Fandoms: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: F/F Characters: Ezri Dax, Lenara Kahn, Jadzia Dax Relationships: Ezri Dax/Lenara Kahn, Jadzia Dax/Lenara Kahn (past) Additional Tags: Trill Reassociation, Reunions, Trill Culture (Star Trek), Past Relationship(s), Post-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Femslash, Ficlet, Prompt Fic, Sapphic Summer 2024

[wonderofasunrise]

20 questions for writers

Thank you for the tag @everybodyknows-everybodydies <3

How many works do you have on AO3? 37 so far in almost four years!

What's your total AO3 word count? 71,414.

What fandoms do you write for? ER and Star Trek, mostly Voyager but also a bit of The Next Generation.

What are your top five fics by kudos? No Matter What Gets Damaged (Star Trek: Voyager, B'Elanna Torres/Seven of Nine) - I wrote this for the 2023 MILFic Exchange, and this is my only multi-chapter fic so far! It's mostly B'Elanna/Seven fluff about how their relationship develops into something more, and I'm quite proud with how it turned out 😁 A Room of Broken Light (Star Trek: The Next Generation, Beverly Crusher/Jean-Luc Picard) - It's set post-"Sub Rosa" - which is one of the show's campiest and most infamous episodes (and a personal favourite of mine) that involves, among others, a Scottish sex ghost for those not in the know - and despite its campiness there's this exchange between Beverly and Picard that really made me go, "AH, THE FEELINGS!" and thus this fic was born! When the Night Turns Over (Star Trek: Voyager, B'Elanna Torres/Seven of Nine) - I wrote this for Star Trek Femslash Week 2023, and it's just a short pre-relationship fic. The idea came on a whim when I was in the shower, and it must've been one of the quickest fics I've written. About a Long Night (ER, Kerry Weaver/Susan Lewis) - My very first ER fic, and naturally it's nothing more than fluffiness with my OTP from the show! In a Sacred Place (ER, Kerry Weaver/Susan Lewis) - I've made it no secret that I'm...not a fan of how Kerry's coming out on the show was handled, so this was my attempt at a fix-it where Kerry made the revelation on her own terms with someone who understands and appreciates her.

Do you respond to comments? Sometimes it takes a while, but I try my best to!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? For Star Trek, probably If All That Dies Will Live Again, which is based on one of Star Trek: Voyager's angstiest episodes. The tags I included alone will show you why 😅 For ER, I would say All There is to Know - another attempt at a fix-it about Kerry's coming out arc, but with an even angstier ending.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Most of what I write is fluffy, so this is hard to answer 😂

Do you get hate on fics? Thankfully no!

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Not really, but I'd love to someday lol

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? Just one, and it's a crossover that I'm sure only I am the target audience of haha. It's an ER x Body of Proof crossover called Long Time No See, which is pretty much just my excuse to write something that features characters played by three of my favourite TV ladies - Jeri Ryan, Laura Innes, and Sherry Stringfield lol

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge 👀

Have you ever had a fic translated? Again, not to my knowledge, but I'd love to translate some of my own fics into Indonesian.

Have you ever co-written a fic? Yes, with the wonderful writers of the [que]er fic and fandom Discord server that I help run!

What's your all-time favourite ship? B'Elanna Torres/Seven of Nine (Star Trek: Voyager), Kerry Weaver/Susan Lewis (ER), and Beverly Crusher/Jean-Luc Picard (Star Trek: The Next Generation) because I refuse to name just one on principle hehe.

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? One of my many, many Star Trek: Voyager AUs that I have planned and written fic notes for lmao

What are your writing strengths? Probably characterisation and plotting.

What are your writing weaknesses? First of all I suck at coming up with titles, and more often than not I just pick up something from a song I happen to be listening at the time of writing. As I'm not a native English speaker, I suppose some of my wording could also come across as awkward.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for fic? Difficult to pull off, but impressive when done well!

First fandom you wrote for? High School Musical 😂 I must've been 14 or 15 at that time.

Favourite fic you've written? OH GOD this is like choosing one of my babies 🥲 For Star Trek, I'd say When Moonlight Meets Sunrise, because I had my reservations about writing their first time since it's something that I believe should be done tastefully considering their back stories, but I like to think I pulled it off. For ER, In a Sacred Place because it's what I would've loved to have seen on the show regarding Kerry's coming out, and as one commenter said I like that I managed to give her a gentle landing.

Tagging @thebiwifeonao3 @sapphicsandscience @cloudsnbones and anyone else who wants to do it!

[civilight-eterna]

fic request guidelines masterpost and tag library

fic requests are currently [OPEN/CLOSED]

fulfilled requests quick link [here].

ko-fi page [here].

see below the read-more for guidelines!

things I prefer to do:

f/f ships

arknights

vocaloid

nsft(w) depending on prompt

my otp chenmiya (typically I age up amiya for these)

sweet and wholesome, sane and consensual

toxic and messy, insane and dubious

ticklekink trash

other ships I love; ch'en/blaze/amiya, ch'en/blaze, horn/mandragora, texland, abyssal hunters/each other/irene in any combination, ursus girls in any combination, scavenger/closure, leizi/blaze. I'll update this as I remember more but those are the top ones

characters I love, all the above plus; dorothy, scavenger, warfarin, closure, earthspirit, cantabile

things I'll do:

almost any f/f ship

star ocean 2 femslash <- and if you're a star ocean 2 fan i wanna be fwiends (つ≧▽≦)つ

ex astris girls

fandoms you know i know

polycules (abyssal hunters, ursus girls, nearl and the girls and most any others you can think of)

het on a case by case basis-there's a few I'm down with like whisperain/phantom (based purely on the op rec interaction being really cute) and...I can't remember any others rn. i'm not inherently opposed to a decent het.

I can and will write fucked-up shit. Don't be shy. You will not surprise me and I will not judge you.

examples: sexy cannibalism, sister incest, dub-con in the right circumstances.

gen-fic is okay too though i promise

au's are fine too

things I won't do:

self-insert or cis male!doctor/anyone. if I'm writing the doctor they are either female, nb or genderqueer in some way and they will be their own unique character

anything that goes so far against a character's personality that it's too difficult to write. if you want something specific you can get detailed in your prompt request though and I'll do my best to rise to the challenge!

lesbian-coded characters in het ships. I know this can be a little subjective so it doesn't hurt to ask if you're not sure.

blaze/greythroat. sorry. it's just an ick for me.

characters that are fairly obviously not even pre-teens yet. suzuran is too young.

some considerations:

amiya is kind of a special case. there's a lot the game suggests about her mental maturity vs. her age and i think in any setting aside from arknights i usually call bs because it's usually a lay-up to some kind of 'ship yourself with this underage character, look it's okay' kind of vibe, but arknights puts pretty exclusive emphasis on the familial relationships with amiya and the 'self-insert' character. i feel that as a pharmaceutical CEO with a lot of stress and centuries of grief and empathy stored in her body...girl can do what she's gotta do with the other characters. I do like to age her up a little bit to avoid the gymnastics of trying to explain everything every time though. I ship her with pretty much any woman in the game in the right contexts. update: please please PLEASE consider this carefully before you offer to let me come be in a server/come discuss story ideas anywhere. i write what i write because it matters to me and even if it didn't matter to me as much i really strongly feel that art is the safest medium in which we explore things that might be harder for people to understand otherwise. i am very clear and front-facing with chenmiya being very important to me and it's a pretty solitary existence at times because of it, so please don't invite me somewhere and then ask or expect me to amputate that part of myself because i will be very very hurt.

I do reserve the right to refuse a request for any reason. I do this for fun in my free time, for free, to work on my writing a little, and while I don't refuse things outright most times, please understand if I just lose a little steam.

length of the work will depend entirely upon my inspiration-I'll try to make sure you at least get a drabble size of a few sentences, but I'll do my best to make the most out of the prompts you take the time to send me.

i know most triggers to tag for but if you need something else tagged drop me a line. I gotchu.

okay, that's about it! I'll update when I'm taking requests at the top of the post, so check for availability before you send in a prompt.

thank you for reading! can't wait to write for you.

[merryfortune]

Life After High School

Written for Femslash February 2024 and the Sweetheart Bingo from @sweetspicybingo

Day 10. Ever After

Title: Life After High School

Ship: Damselshipping | Anzu/Asuka

Word Count: 

Universe: GX - Canon Compliant

Rating: T

Tags: Meet Cute, Post-Canon, Flirting, Affection, Developing Relationship, Pre-Relationship

   America really was everything that it was cracked up to be, Asuka discovered. It was a place of duality, of extremes in city life. It was completely different to her home country and for all its beauty and all its faults, she was glad that she had migrated there for university.

   New York City, in particular, embodied this as it was the locale in which she studied and ergo knew best but just from this taste of the Big Apple, Asuka felt she knew all the country, all the states now.

   The iconic spots of NYC - the Rockefeller Centre, the statue of Lady Liberty, Times Square, and Central Park - really were iconic! They were befuddling and dazzling, they took Asuka’s breath away as she revelled in what monuments to the modern American ideal they were.

   Then there were the cons. There was to any place, any situation. The streets sometimes reeked and the subway was terrifying with how crowded it was and how the speakers never enunciated properly. The rats were big, too. 

   But even so, Asuka enjoyed her time in America tremendously. Though here she was the outsider. Not the inside of the upper echelon like she had become the focal point of during high school.

   Life truly did exist after high school, amazingly enough. The ever after of it had Asuka enraptured. For the most part.

   Her only complaint though was… Asuka would have liked more freedoms to enjoy given that the United States of America were meant to be the land of the free. But she had the complete opposite problem of anyone else in their coming of age movie era.

   She wasn’t getting into trouble. She was staying far, far away from it and having no fun. By other people’s standards. Not so much her own as she very much considered her psychology textbook to be a hot Friday night date.

   America was, allegedly, a place where anything was possible, any transformation of the self and attainment of glory. To feel like she was really pulling herself up by the bootstraps like Americans dreamed. It was kind of hard to feel that way when she had a rich family back home who wanted to nanny her still even from across oceans.

   Asuka wanted to take up a pure and unadulterated mantle of responsibility. She was cooking her own meals and making her own choices, albeit really boring ones like studying until ten o’clock and being in bed by ten-thirty but still. Her parents were blowing up her phone asking how she was going, if she was settling in, and all that.

   With their constant supervision, Asuka couldn’t even laugh at jokes about NYC rent being stupid high because hers was handled by her parents still. It wasn’t even a bad apartment, either. Close to school and close to the night life, too. Not that Asuka took much advantage of the latter. She was a studious young woman after all.

   Something her brother would lament in particular. He knew, for sure, that if he were in her shoes, he would be tearing up the town and painting it red. So that’s why he took it upon himself to help her out.

   “I got you a ticket to a Broadway show,” Fubuki said over the phone, “go out and enjoy it. I picked the one about a girl who studies hard to get into Harvard, even,. Just for you, sissy-pooh.”

   “Sounds like a distraction to me.” Asuka said. “I’m kinda done with the tourist stuff. I want to try and be more… local.”

   “Too bad, check your emails. You will find one ticket to Legally Blonde. Think of it as an early birthday present.”

   “My birthday’s already come and gone.” Asuka grouched. “And you sent me a care package for it already.” She huffed in addition.

   “It came from the bottom of my heart regardless. Please. Take one night off.” Fubuki begged her.

   “Fine. Only because I don’t want you wasting your money on me.” Asuka said and that was that.

   She was going. She had never even heard of the play Legally Blonde before nor the movie. She was kind of behind on any and all pop culture, at home and abroad but sure. Looking over the synopsis, Asuka kind of dug it since she was also a smart blonde. Fubuki knew her well, bless. 

   Asuka checked her emails and the seat he had booked for her was decent, too. Not too close but not in the boonies either. A nice respectable seat in the middle. The only thing that really sent her for a surprise was that the showing was in three days’ time. Yup, trust Fubuki to let her know at the last minute. She didn’t even have anything to wear so she had better find something nice and quick-smart.

   Though a trip to the mall the next day did fix that. Maybe getting her into the mall crawl was also part of Fubuki’s dastardly plan to get Asuka somewhere other than her house or her university’s lecture hall.

   Night of the show, she put on a nice pair of slacks and matched it with a varsity, vest-cut sweater. Perfect for a brisk New York night on Broadway and made her way there via public transport, setting off so she could sit in her seat for at least twenty minutes in advance.

   That extra twenty minutes she had allocated for herself came in clutch, too, because it was incredibly busy being debut night. Asuka bought herself some snacks and also bought some merchandise, too. Something practical - a tote bag which she could use as a book bag - and reasoned it was good to show support for local acts.

   She read in the small print of the program that the majority of the performers were all New Yorkers in one form or another. Some had moved here specifically for the job, others moved with it, the professionals playing the big name characters.

   With a couple minutes to spare before curtains open, Asuka sat in her seat and waited. She was more excited than she thought she would be but the atmosphere was infectious. The passion the performers had, their nerves, emanated from the wings and mixed with the joy of her fellow performance goers. Asuka found herself getting swept up in the zeitgeist of it and soon enough was rewarded for it.

   She had a fabulous time to say the least.

   Asuka didn’t know much about theatre or performance but she felt that everyone pulled their weight. There wasn’t a dull moment, she split her sides laughing at the comedy and found her toe-tapping to gaudy musical numbers. She found herself getting genuinely invested in seeing the protagonist succeed and one-up her ex-boyfriend and find herself in this strange new world of law without compromising herself.

   It was excellent and that was just the main cast members!

   The back-up dancers and chorus were great, too, and curiously enough, there was one Asuka kept her eye on. It was for no particular reason but she was fantastic. There was this one brunette dancer with striking blue eyes, they loved to put her in different scenes. She seemed like a hard worker and she was working hard, the one everyone else seemed to rely on to be in time with the music. 

   Asuka made a game of trying to spot her through the costume changes…

   It was embarrassing but by the end of it, Asuka couldn’t help herself. She didn’t just applaud the performers and crew for their effort, she gave them a standing ovation. She was the only one in her row who did and she did cop some side-eye for it but that just made her clap harder, until her hands turned red and raw. They deserved it! 

   Though contrary to how enthusiastically she clapped, Asuka was somewhat eager to leave. She had a bedtime after all. Even if she was an adult.

   After the show, as Asuka was leaving the venue and made it onto the glitzy street, she saw one of the dancers out of the corner of her eye. Asuka didn’t want to dilly-dally, she wanted to get straight home because she was boring like that but when saw that young woman, she knew she had to say hello. To be polite, compliment her on the hard work she had put into her performance. It was only right.

   She just hoped that she wasn’t interrupting anything important. Asuka glanced her over - her long, lithe legs and her hand by them which was… holding a pack of gum. Huh. Not a cigarette like she expected. She thought New Yorkers were the hard boiled type but looking closer again, Asuka could see her chew.

   So, holding onto the tote bag that she bought at the merch stand, to help support the theatre, Asuka walked up to her, “Hello.”

   “Hi.” she said, trying to figure out if she was talking to an obsessive fan or not.

   Asuka’s awkwardness as she muddled through the etiquette of the post-show daze made it more difficult than it had to be. And Asuka was aware. She could see the dancer balance friendly and guarded in the blue of her eyes.

   “I, um, just wanted to say. You were excellent tonight.” Asuka said. “I’ve never said this about any dancer but I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

   “Aw, thanks.” she said then got up from where she sat. “It's my first time getting told that.”

   “Really? But you're so talented, you must have practised so hard.” Asuka gawked.

   “This was, um, my first production where I wasn’t an understudy.” she said. “I’ll remember this, thank you.”

   “Me too.” Asuka said and bowed.

   The dancer had a flash of recognition in her eyes at Asuka’s courtesy.

   “Um, excuse me, can I ask a personal question?” she asked.

   “Sure?” Asuka said as she pulled back.

   “Are you Japanese?” she asked.

   “I am. My name is Tenjoin Asuka, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” Asuka said and bowed again for good measure but this time…

   The dancer did the same. “I thought so, I’m Japanese, too.” she said then introduced herself also, “The pleasure’s all mine, my name is Mazaki Anzu, I’m from Domino City.”

   “Ah,” Asuka gasped, “I've visited before. It’s a lovely and exciting place,” she laughed, “would visit again. You are very fortunate to be able to call it your hometown.”

   Anzu giggled and Asuka smiled. They paused, studied each other, their looks, their demeanour and that moment of guardedness from before, and awkwardness, too, melted away. They felt a comfortable silence in the beat before Anzu spoke again.

   “My co-workers typically go drinking after a show but it’s not really my scene. I get the vibe that the hard-rock party isn’t your scene either.” Anzu said and Asuka felt her ears burn.

   “I-I am.” Asuka replied.

   She had to be mistaken. She simply had to be. She was infamously dense but she could swear that she was being flirted with right now.

   “Well…” Anzu said, dragging out the syllables in that one word. “Do you want to hang out some more? Go somewhere? Your choice, of course.”

   Asuka felt her heart leap out of her chest. Nope. Not mistaken. Though she couldn’t believe her ears. Her mouth dried as her throat clogged with words. Miraculously, despite all that, she did muster a reply.

   “Sounds like fun.” she said. “Want to, uh, go to mine? I’ve got light refreshments. Tea, coffee…”

   “I’d love a coffee right about now.” Anzu said and that settled it.

   So, together, they set off. Asuka took Anzu back to hers via the same route she had come. She had never brought a stranger back to her apartment before and so, her heart pounded. Not that she thought Anzu was a bad person, or anything, quite the opposite.

   Anzu was lovely. She had a warm glow about her and was oh so charming. 

   It was… It felt risky. Very much out of Asuka’s comfort zone but right about now, as she unlocked the front door to her apartment, that was where she wanted to be. She heard a click and then turned the handle.

   “Nice place you got.” Anzu said as she peered into the darkness.

   “Thanks.” Asuka said and she flipped a switch.

   “Even nicer with the lights on.” Anzu joked.

   Asuka agreed mutably as Anzu stepped inside first.

   In doing so, it made Asuka’s own apartment feel oddly surreal and unknown to her as she allowed Anzu inside. They had a quick tour but it was mostly unimportant as they just made a beeline for her living room.

   Together, they saddled up on the lounge in front of a turned off TV and Asuka’s collection of coffee table books and had a chat whilst her kettle warmed. It was well past midnight by now but both were craving a coffee to go with those hardcover books and, of course, the conversation, too.

   They went back and forth getting to know one another. Two Japanese nationals in New York City, more or less fresh out of high school, they had plenty to talk about and talking came easily to them. The light conversation slipping into deep and meaningful territory in a matter of minutes (which were actually hours by the time they caffeinated themselves).

   “That’s crazy, I can’t believe it.” Anzu said.

   “Six degrees of separation is what they call it.” Asuka chuckled.

   “When I’m in town next, I’ll have to tell Grandpa that I met his friends from Duel Academy then.” Anzu joyfully agreed.

   “So, um, what brings you so far away from Domino City?” Asuka asked.

   Anzu stared at her, a brow quirked.

   “You know what I mean!” Asuka squealed. “Like has dancing on Broadway always been your dream or would you have been happy on an idol’s stage or… community theatre.”

   “Broadway has always been my dream.” Anzu replied. “Ever since I was a little girl, it was Broadway or bust.”

   Asuka exclaimed, murmuring Japanese under her breath. She was impressed. For so long, she didn’t have that drive. That direction. It made her a little bit jealous.

   When she recovered from the absolute awe she had for Anzu’s motivation, she had another question, “You said tonight was your first time as first string, does it stop there or will the next time Legally Blonde plays, will you be Elle Woods?”

   “I can’t sing or act to save my life.” Anzu said. “But that’s fine. Dancing is my passion, it's all I want to do.”

   “Wow.” Asuka said. 

   “Besides,” Anzu harrumphed, “they prefer Elle to be a natural blonde so I think I wouldn’t be considered anyway. But you…” She lifted her hand off her coffee cup and reached towards Asuka. She ran her hand through Asuka’s hair and she could feel her soul ascend as attraction ignited from just the sensation of her fingertips. “You could get that part on looks alone.”

   “I-I haven’t got a musical bone in my body.” Asuka stammered, flustered.

   “We can’t all be the triple threat,” Anzu agreed, “but beauty and brains, that’s more than enough for most.”

   “Y-You are also very beautiful, Anzu.” Asuka complimented her.

   “Thanks.” Anzu replied.

   She gave Asuka a wink as she drew her hair closer to her face. Anzu kissed her knuckles through the strands of Asuka’s hair and relished Asuka’s crimson hued expression. She knew all too well that this was Asuka’s first time being treated like this.

   Her heart raced within her chest, her mind too. Anzu was all too flirty with her and for the first time, Asuka had someone she wanted to be flirty with. All in all culminating in what was truly a night of nights for Asuka…

[dustbunny105]

Title: Bodyguard Moment Fandom: Transformers IDW2 Ship: Road Rage/Nautica, Crosscut/Nautica, others/Nautica (all one-sided) Word Count: 1500 Rating: PG Summary: Pre-series. Road Rage wakes up in a medical bay after saving Nautica but what is she forgetting... A/N: For Femslash February and for the @fembot-prompts prompt “Yours is a body I'd like to guard.”

.

Road Rage came sluggishly online, processor seeming to creep closer to redline the closer she crept to consciousness. She activated her audial suite first and found herself relaxing at the reassuring sound of a medical bay. Next came motor control and her body eased as her mind had-- which brought her nervecircuits screaming awake in response to new wires and fresh welds being pulled in ways they shouldn't so suddenly be. Her optics flickered on and her processor really did feel ready to overheat as she tried to interpret all of the input at once, at the same time as she tried to process the alerts popping up on her HUD and to realign her frame too. When she was finally able to make sense of what she was seeing, she recognized Crosscut peering down at her, exasperated but not unkind.

"Do I not pay you enough?" asked Crosscut.

"You're asking me that now?" Road Rage grunted and grit her dentae at the grinding noises that accompanied her attempt to sit up.

Crosscut put a staying hand on her shoulder. Then, sounding far more amused than seemed appropriate in the moment, at least in Road Rage's opinion, he said, "I don't see how you can blame me for that when you're the one who ran off looking for new job opportunities in the middle of a fire fight."

Road Rage squinted at him and kept squinting at him while he did her the courtesy of adjusting the medical slab so she wasn't flat on her back. Her processor hadn't actually redlined, had it? She'd have gotten an alert first, probably, and she was awake and aware enough to have recognized one…

"What are you talking about?" she asked, half her attention on him and half on acknowledging and dismissing the slew of popups still blinking for attention on her HUD. Some of her short-term memory was corrupted and she winced as her processor warmed yet again at her attempts to sift through what remained. "When the summit was attacked-- yes, when the summit was attacked, I did my bodyguard thing and got you to safety. I was right behind you. Then…"

Then what? With another grunt, Road Rage poked more insistently at her memory banks. Crosscut was saying something, probably telling her to take it easy, but a new fragment of a memory file finally came up clear. It was a sudden, striking fear and she had to flex one hand, feel the pull of fresh welds, to remind herself that whatever had caused the feeling was done and over with. Then her overtaxed processor recovered another piece of the same memory-- the cause of the fear. Road Rage almost didn't realize what it was, it was in such a tangle with the feeling itself.

It was a scream.

She was doubled over before she realized she'd tried to move, before she'd even realized where she knew that voice from. Crosscut was speaking again, rapid and insistent, but he was drowned out this time by a flood of feedback she only slowly realized was coming out of her. Warnings flashed, so many and so insistent, that she couldn't make sense of her visual input past them. There was a second set of hands on her, unfamiliar, and she would've fought back if she could've remembered how. This was no time to be still. She had to get to-- to--

"Oh, thank goodness," she could hear Crosscut saying. "Just-- talk to her, would you? Tell her you're alright. Let her hear your voice."

"She wasn't supposed to be trying to recover short-term memory yet," said an unfamiliar voice to match the unfamiliar hands.

"Um," said a third voice, one that dismissed a solid third of the warnings and let Road Rage start to relax again. "Hello again, Road Rage. I'm okay, we're okay. We're in medical now. Here--"

Another hand, more familiar than Road Rage thought it should be, wrapped around one of her own and squeezed. The rest of the warnings were dismissed one by one from her HUD and this time it was Nautica's uncertain smile she found waiting for her.

"Hi," said Nautica. Her antenna was twitching with her nerves but she followed when Road Rage was eased back against the slab and then still when the attending medic readjusted it so that she was lying down flat again. Her fingers twitched, too, against Road Rage's, like she wanted to offer comfort but wasn't sure. "Are you alright now?"

"Are you? Really?" asked Road Rage. She cast a critical look over Nautica and didn't see any damage but an impression left on her spark, the ghost of a corrupted memory, made her doubt it. "We were… I…"

She pressed her free hand to her forehead as her processor protested. The medic, not someone she recognized right away, said, "Stop before you burn out your entire brain module. You need to give your processor a chance to do its own maintenance before you go picking at traumatizing memories."

"You did take a lot of damage," said Nautica. Her fingers twitched again, this time in small circles, and her optics took on a pale cast. "I'm pretty sure you took all of it, actually. Thanks for that, by the way." She quirked another smile, more certain but still awkward. "It looks good on your resume, if that helps."

Road Rage had barely begun trying to process that when the medic scolded, "Stop that."

Nautica squeezed her hand and pulled away, leaving Road Rage feeling cold. She shuffled a moment in place, then said, "Well! I'll let you rest up and recover what you can. Thank you again, for what you did for me. If--" she shot a glance at the medic, "I don't want to stress you out too much with reminders but you'll know what I mean when, if, it comes back to you. If you really meant it, consider the position yours." She cut a look at Crosscut this time. "I guess you'll need to discuss--" the medic synthesized a cough-- "right. Well. I'm glad you're alright."

She scurried out looking like she was on the last bar of her social battery. The medic, after a curt instruction to rest, went out after her. Road Rage, lost, looked over at Crosscut. She opened her mouth to ask for even a hint as to what was going on but cut herself off with a hiss as another memory file fragment, this one fuzzy with corruption, played out in her processor.

A cramped, closed space, a chorus of explosions right outside the door. A puddle of energon growing beneath her, sparking wires that really should've been inside her helm and her chassis and the right arm that was missing. A gun clutched tight in her other hand, override after override keeping her conscious.

Nautica's terrified face. Nautica's lips moving but all Road Rage could hear was static-- until one little snippet got through, or maybe that was all that was left in Road Rage's memory banks.

"-- Road Rage, right? Crosscut's bodyguard?"

Of all the memories that could've escaped corruption was the memory of what Road Rage had said in return. In her mind's eye, Nautica's face came into stark focus. Then came the words, rough with static but still, somehow, so very clear, "Yours is a body I'd like to guard."

Road Rage blinked back to the present with her fans running on a high setting and her poor processor still struggling on the edge of overheating.

"Came back to you, did it?" Crosscut asked.

She turned to look at him, engine letting out a sputter and then a long whine. She wished what he'd said earlier-- what Nautica had said earlier-- didn't make so much sense when she factored in the possibility that Nautica had told him about that conversation-- or at least how Nautica had interpreted it. Any hope she might have had, though, that he didn't know or at least didn't understand what she had meant in the moment was vanquished by the look he was giving her.

Part amusement, part pity, all understanding.

They were silent for a long moment. Road Rage's sincere desire to fall suddenly, tragically offline did not come to pass, which seemed more unfair the more she thought about how touchy her condition obviously was.

"Well," said Crosscut, "I don't imagine it will be too much trouble to have you transferred, if that's what you really want."

A moment passed before Road Rage realized the way his optical ridges rose was because she was nodding. He huffed another laugh at her, still not unkind. Then he patted her on the shoulder and repeated the medic's instruction to rest.

"I'll get it taken care of," he assured her on his way out. He paused at the door and gave her that same understanding look over his shoulder. "For what it's worth-- I wish you better luck than the rest of us have had."

[chainofclovers]

19 and 27 for the ask meme 🧡

Thank you, friend!

19. What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

:)

Funny you of all people should ask.

(And if all goes to plan, see u at the Sexy Christmas ao3 collection on January 5. Annnnnnd I'm shutting up now because I am getting dangerously close to overhyping something that really isn't all that wild and that I've been pleasantly tormenting myself with since fuckin' June.)

My non-cagey and approaching-normal answer to that question is that I'd like to write more femslash and more stuff about Nate, and also continue with all the other stuff I'm currently into!

27. What do you listen to while writing?

Ideally, nothing. I really like it quiet when I write...a quiet house (or a house with moderate/comforting levels of spouse and pet background noises) is the best. I also love the general coffeeshop background noise although I've not returned to pre-pandemic levels of coffeeshop bliss. When I write in a coffeeshop (and even sometimes at my house) I will turn on the noise-cancellation feature on my headphones and listen to no music in them. Or I'll listen to one song over and over, something with lyrics I know extremely well or something instrumental, and that's nearly as good as quiet.

From the ao3 wrapped ask meme.