#praying this makes sense I’m Tired lol

[rosetheocto]

Rambling about how Eeveelution Squad stinks at writing women!

TW: mentions of abuse and A Certain Type Of Harassment (pls don’t kill me tumblr)

Hello gamers!! welcome to another one of Rose’s Yapping Sessions! Before we get into the Essay Thing, I’m gonna quickly mention I am not making this to harass EV-Zero, or anyone else who’s worked on the comic! (trust me. they’ve got more than enough of it, unfortunately) this is just me expressing my frustration, because this comic had a lot of potential and it seriously sucks that it’s gone to waste. It’s been a hot minute since I’ve really thought about this comic admittedly, so please bare with me if I say something wrong or inaccurate

SO! Eeveelution Squad has clearly gotten a lot of inspiration from a bunch of different anime and similar media. many of the anime that are referenced don’t have a good track record for writing women or romance, so that ain’t a good start. Out of the 10 main characters, there are only 4 that are male and 6 that are female. usually this would mean that there’s gotta be at least one girl that’s super well written and explored, but NOPE! The male characters of the Squad (excluding Axel, cuz he doesn’t have much screen time and Is Only Four Years Old) all have important fleshed out stories, along with major plot relevance in the comic.

More is under the cut cuz this is LONG

Coastal “Speed” Red is a traumatized war veteran/child soldier whose world almost literally revolves around him (and NOT in a good way)! Alan, a version of Speed from the Original Timeline made the wish that caused not only the creation of the Berserk Virus, but Memory Path and the Timeline Resets, along with other things that I’m forgetting (i wanna say that Deoxys Space Virus Thing was also caused by Alan?? but I’m not too sure on that one). Speed was forced to take care of his siblings, and eventually another lost egg, when he JUST BORN. Speed also has a BUNCH of overpowered abilities since He’s The Main Character. Most notably his Healing Factor and the Turbo Boost. Alongside that is the Classic Transformation since he’s half Coastal Eevee, but looking at how it turned out for Alan (not well) I’m glad Speed hasn’t gotten the criteria to access it. The Jolteon who was getting constantly beat up for the first Whatever Amount Of Chapters is apparently the most important guy in the multiverse. Bro is not having a good time

Coastal “Solarflare” Green, Speed’s youngest sibling, is also vital to the timeline resets (despite dying very early on in the first timeline but whatever lol). In 99% of the timelines, he’s the Ultimus (which admittedly I forgot the definition for, but I know it’s important!) due to getting the Berserk Virus. In fact, he’s a Category Three Berserker, which is something that happens to only 5% of those with the virus. Due to this, whenever he and Fluffy (the name of his virus) bond, he also gets a power boost. Not as broken as Speed since he had to learn to control it and stuff, but still. Like Speed with Alan, we also see a version of Flare from another timeline, with an even more tragic backstory. Both Solar and Flare are present during the final fight alongside Speed. Flare’s stuff is just a watered down Speed ig lmao

Black Silverbolt was a close friend of Speed when they were younger. His parents were killed by a Berserk Pokémon, leaving only him and his brother, Frost, to fend for themselves. After being challenged by a classmate to prove his strength, Black goes to a dungeon with extremely tough Pokémon. He’s able to get through a majority of it, but he gets knocked out and nearly dies. Frost sweeps in to save him, and carries him most of the way back to town, but he’s very badly injured. As soon as he starts to get over the death of his parents, Black has to grieve over his older brother’s death too. Unlike their parents, he was more than able to prevent it. He caused his brother to die. Black has also been shown to have PTSD flashbacks of both Frost and his parents. Later in the comic, Speed rekindling his friendship with Black is vital to his arc of opening up to others about his emotions. Black’s trauma and struggles, and getting over the hardships and guilt from his past, make him a good character to see grow as the story progresses. Unlike Lazuli, his story isn’t completely focused on shipping, and his changes seem natural

NOW FOR THE GIRLS!!

First of all, Coastal “Crystal” Blue! The middle child of the Coastal Triplets! For how vital this family to the multiverse itself, Kris doesn’t really have.. anything to her name. she shares a backstory with Speed and Flare, sure, but she doesn’t get the same new abilities or plot armor they do. All Crystal has really done is (accidentally) evolve Flare, break the fourth wall, and is purely comic relief. The fact that Black has more plot relevance than her is insane. The only strength she really has above the average Eeveelution is the Classic Transformation, and even then, Alan has shown that if you’re not a full blood Coastal, it’s not gonna go super well. In a brief panel, it’s confirmed there are universes where Crystal is the Ultimus/has the virus instead of Flare, but that is never explored upon at all. Even as Flare is collecting all the light orb things from previous timelines

Shining Pearl is the Espeon who founds the Squad, getting the funds to buy the Treehouse with the help of Speed. The first scene in the chapter with her backstory is when she first gets a crush on Black, a key part of her personality for the first few chapters of the comic. Her arc on this “romance” (she just harasses Black) was going in a good direction for a little bit, as she realized what she was doing was wrong and moving on from her attraction. But it was planned before the cancellation for this to be when Black catches feelings. When she isn’t being down bad over Black the only other part of her personality is that she’s sorta the ‘mom friend’ of the squad, which isn’t really the best personality for her to have imo. especially when she’s at the same age, or even younger, than some people in the squad. Someone had pointed out to me a while ago that all the interesting stuff is about the people that know her, and not Pearl herself (like knowing Stella and Mollie since childhood, for example). On her own Pearl seems very bland, and that’s a shame since she could’ve been one of the comic’s best written characters.

Next up! You know her, you either love her or hate her: It’s Lapis Alfred Lazuli!! So her and her sister got kicked out of their house by their father at the age of five, because if they stayed they would’ve been murdered on the spot by an outlaw. Neither of the girls knew that however and thought for over a decade that their dad just hated them. This caused Lazuli to get extremely protective of Leaf, along with completely closing herself off from any other person. For a majority of the first few chapters, she was a TEXTBOOK Tsundere. Beating up (or threatening) anyone and everyone, with it purely being treated as a gag. We eventually learn that the one person she’s been abusing the most, Speed, is actually someone she has a crush on!!! how cute!!!!! (kill me) so now it’s a coin toss on if she’ll be a flustered schoolgirl around him or if she’ll keep being a Nasty Girl. she eventually realizes that Hey Maybe I’m Not A Nice Person (obviously) and tries to improve herself and it kinda. doesn’t work for me. She does have a hobby, she likes to read, but it’s mostly there as a bit to point out her crush on Speed again since she’s reading romance novels. I wanna talk more about her character but I wanna save that for the Essay Thing about how the romance in this comic is portrayed, since a lot of her personality is tied to the ship she’s a part of

SPEAKING OF CHARACTERS WHOSE PERSONALITIES ARE TIED TO THE SHIP THEYRE A PART OF!! Next up is the midfest that is Lapis Alfred Leaf!! she shares almost the exact backstory as Lazuli but she’s more reclusive due to the events than Pissed 24/7. seriously though other than her love to garden and connections with Solarflare name ONE thing about her character. like I don’t even have much to say about her lol. She’s the nicest of the Squad so ofc that also makes her the most boring apparently

oh god now we gotta talk about Silvia Sunsinger… OKAY!! So she’s like. her fav hobby is Harassing the locals apparently. And yet it’s bad when her brother does it. gotta love double standards. One of her biggest targets of this is Speed, purely because Silvia knows he’s strong and popular. And that’s just sort of becomes her whole personality. Sure she does other stuff, like find Manaphy, but even then her biggest goal is trying to get in Speed’s metaphorical pants. The whole reason she even evolved is because of how much she’s in “love” with Speed. Most of the shenanigans she gets into is tied to that Jolteon, one of the first ones I can think of is the body swapping she and Pearl did to try and get him to kiss her or whatever. The only other bit of personality she has is being like a sibling/parental figure to Sunshine (which is something everyone else is to her already), planking people with Crystal of occasionally, along with Harassing people! Literally how is she likable? what makes her likable??

Some Bonus Mentions: I like what they did with Stella but at the same time the small bit we see of her doesn’t really tell us much. She’s an explorer, She’s Alan’s wife, the Original Sunshine (not Lily)’s mother, Pearl’s childhood friend, and she dies. The only reason they have her die is because they wanna fuel Alan’s already tragic backstory. can we have ONE person not die after talking to him for more than 10 minutes like. good lord. Other than a brief flashback, we don’t even see her in the Prime Timeline! I like her, but girl is underdeveloped as hell. Same with her sisters

I also really like the mothers for the Squad members, but they have the same problem: a lot of them die. Sylvia, Blaze, and Mollie are the only ones still around. I also wish to know more about Daisy and Nora, Silvia’s friends from her backstory chapter. Especially since they have ties to Solar. I just hate that there’s so many characters with so little development and relevance.

And that concludes the yapping session for now! Hope all of that was coherent enough for you to understand the point I was trying to make! I love the funny eevee comic I swear I just think it could’ve done better lmaoo

[justacatinasombrero]

Reminder: Art takes years to improve at

I feel like a lot of people [including me] forget that art takes years to improve. I’ve been drawing for years and I still consider myself a beginner as I there are still many things I still need to improve on. You won’t get better overnight, you probably won’t get a lot better in a week, and you might not even get better in a month, but you’ll get better. It takes time, and that’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up just because you think you haven’t improved enough in any given timeframe. Everyone improves at different speeds and comparing yourself won’t make you improve faster, if anything it’ll make you slower. With that being said, it’s good to look at other artists and take advice at how you can get better, but just remember not to equate all your worth as an artist to how well you can do compared to someone who’s job is being an artist vs you who might just have it as a hobby. Art takes time and it can be hard to improve, but just remember it’s better to make twenty bad drawings and learn from them than to draw nothing at all.

For anyone who is curious or wants an example, here is my art journey so far! [And this is only digital art, so trust me when I say I started out even worse lol] Due to Tumblr’s 30 photo limit I couldn’t do as many photos as I wanted, so keep in mind there are 100+ drawings [Not counting traditional art] and 4 years between these. My journey has taken a long time and hasn’t always been easy but I haven’t given up yet and I plan to keep improving!

How I started [2020]:

Now [2024]:

Moral of the story is to remember that art takes a long time and improving won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. Just take it slow and take a step back every now and then to appreciate how far you’ve come.

You’re amazing and so is your art, and if you don’t see it now hopefully one day you will. Never give up <3

[Hopefully my tired ramblings made any sense and that I did this topic at least a little justice. I’m also praying these are the right tags lol]

[cinnaleaf]

「 Between Two Worlds | One Shot 」

Anon Request: Trent fic x "Chihiro - Billie Eilish"

genre: angsty af warnings: pregnant reader, relationship issues wc: ~1.8k a/n: ngl this made me want to cry lol i will be taking time to create the filthiest smut anyone has ever read to lift our spirits 🫡

The bathroom door slammed shut with a force that shook the door frame. You locked it without thinking, your fingers trembling as you slid down on the cold tile floor. Your heart was pounding in your chest as your breaths came in short gasps. You were fighting to keep yourself together, but there was no use. The tears spilled down your cheeks in thick, angry streams as you pressed a hand to your mouth to stifle your sobs behind the closed door that separated you from Trent. He had no idea why you were falling apart. 

Your stomach twisted from the nausea that had been gnawing at you for days, holding a secret that was too heavy for you to handle alone. You had a realization that things may never change, no matter how many times you tried to convince yourself that you and Trent were just going through a rough patch. He didn’t see you anymore..at least not in the way he used to.

You tried to breathe through your tears, wiping your face. Constant fatigue, nausea, and the feeling of being alone made you feel like an anchor was weighing you down. Like you were being pulled under. You wanted to tell him so badly, but you also hoped that he would notice the changes himself. You prayed he would ask you why you were so tired and distant, but he never did.

You were pregnant, and the father of your child was completely oblivious–too caught up in his own damn world to notice yours had been permanently turned upside down.

“Y/N!” Trent’s voice came in from the other side of the door, riddled with concern. “Open the door please. We need to talk.”

Your chest tightened at the sound of his voice but you couldn’t bring yourself to answer him. You were too tired..too broken. You grazed your hand over the barely there bump that you hadn’t really had time to process just yet. It was so early, but it felt like the secret had been eating you alive for months. 

“Y/N…” Trent called again softly, like he was trying not to scare you. “Please talk to me baby..what’s wrong? Tell me.”

A bitter laugh escaped your lips. Talk. All he ever wanted to talk about these days was everything and everyone, besides the two of you. 

Besides you. 

You pulled your knees up to your chest, resting your forehead against them as tears continued to stream down your face. The weight of everything was pressing down on you and it felt like you were suffocating. You wanted to open the door and let him in, but at the same time you didn't know how to face him. How were you supposed to tell him you were pregnant with his child when he couldn’t even notice you were falling apart? 

“I’m not leaving until you talk to me Y/N..” he sighed, his voice closer now as if he was pressing his forehead against the door trying to reach you through it. “Please baby..I hate seeing you like this.” You took a deep shaky breath, feeling your throat and face burn from sobbing so much. “Why?” you choked out. “Why do you care all of a sudden?”

There was a long pause at first, and then you heard him exhale like he had been punched in the gut. “What?? I do care. I love you Y/N…” The words hung between you like a lifeline, but you were too afraid to reach for it.

Love

That’s what he was saying but was that really what this was? How could he say he loves you when he didn’t even notice your world was crumbling? How could he say that when you spent the last couple of weeks terrified, without him asking you what’s wrong?

“You don’t see me anymore Trent” you whispered in a trembling voice. “I’m always here and you don’t even see me. It’s like I’m a ghost to you.” The silence was deafening. He was standing on the other side of the door, trying to make sense of what you just said to him. “But I do see you baby..” he said finally, voice thick with confusion and guilt. “I just..I’ve been distracted I guess. With footie and everything. It’s hard to balance all this.”

Distracted

That word felt like a slap in the face to you.

“Have you noticed how long it’s been since you asked me how I’m doing??” you asked, the words spilling out of your mouth as you continued to cry. “You haven’t even noticed something is wrong with me…” Trent went quiet again before speaking. “I didn’t know,” he said in a strained voice. “I thought…” You cut him off, feeling your anger bubble up to the surface. “You didn’t know because you didn’t care enough to fucking find out! I’ve been tired, throwing up, and you just…you didn’t notice at all. You never fucking notice.” There was another pause, this time longer and heavier. 

His voice was laced with confusion. “What are you talking about Y/N? Are you okay?” Your stomach twisted up as you felt a wave of nausea flare up again. Your hand instinctively went to your stomach to try and steady yourself. You knew you needed to tell him.. he deserved to know. But how were you supposed to trust him to be there if he was barely there now? You took a deep breath, wiping the tears from your face as you began to speak. “I’m pregnant, Trent.”

Your heart pounded in your chest waiting for his response. The only thing you could hear for a while was the sound of your breathing and the thud of your heartbeat through your ears. Finally, you heard him shift on the other side of the door. “You’re pregnant??” he repeated, his voice sounded like he was struggling to comprehend the words you had just told him. You nodded, even though he couldn't see you. “I found out a couple of weeks ago when you were out of town..I’ve been so scared.”

He exhaled and you could hear the guilt in his breath. “Y/N..I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Your tears slowed but the ache you felt in your chest was still so unbearable. “I didn’t know how. You’re so focused on everything else..I really didn’t think it would make that much of a difference.”

“I should've been there for you..really been there. I didn’t know baby. I’m sorry.” You let his apology wash over you. Those were the words you were waiting to hear for a long time, but now that you did, the words didn’t feel as comforting as you thought they would. Words and apologies didn’t hold much weight anymore. Trent needed to show action. 

“I–ugh. Fuck. I just don’t know if things will change.” you said in a trembling voice. “I can’t keep fucking feeling like this. I love you, I really do. But it doesn't feel like you love me anymore. You don’t show it.” You were terrified of what he might say, terrified that he may agree with you. When he finally spoke, his voice was desperate. “Y/N. What the hell? I do love you. I love you so much. I know I messed up..I haven’t been here. But I’m here now. I wanna fix this. I wanna be there for you and our baby. Please…just let me in.”

Your heart ached at the weight of his words as you bit your lip. You wanted to believe things would change and he would be there for you this time, but you had been down this road before plenty of times. And every time, it felt like you were the only one who was really trying.

But you loved him. 

And despite everything, the love was still there, flickering in the darkness like a weak flame. 

You pushed yourself up from the floor as you made your way to unlock the door. The click echoed through the bathroom walls as you took a deep breath before opening it. Trent was standing there, his face filled with anguish. “I’m so sorry baby.” he whispered as he stood closer to you, his hands reaching for yours. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there but I’m here now. I swear I’ll do better.”

“I don’t know if I can trust that Trent,” you whispered in a barely audible voice. “I’m scared I’ll keep waiting for you..and you’ll slip away.” He gripped your hands tightly as if he was afraid to let you go, as if you would vanish entirely if he did. “I’ve been selfish, I’ll admit that. I let you down Y/N. But I swear I’ll do whatever it takes. I can’t lose you, not now, not ever.” You searched his face, looking for a trace of the man you missed–the one that was always present, so loving, and attentive. You knew there were glimpses of him still buried under the exterior he built, but was that enough to believe the old him would come back to you?

“I’ve been doing this alone for so long Trent” you said, your voice trembling. “I didn’t think you’d care.”

“I care, baby.” he said, his voice starting to break. “ I’m sorry I made you feel like that. I can’t take it back, but I’m here. For you. For our baby.”

His hand gently moved  to your stomach, your breath catching. This was the first time he touched you since you told him you were pregnant, the first time he acknowledged there was a little life growing inside of you. His fingers were warm against your soft skin, trembling slightly as he rested them on your belly. You took a deep breath, placing your hand over his. For a moment, you both just stood there, the silence was still heavy but it wasn’t unbearable. You wanted to believe that he’d be the man you needed, and the father your child deserved.

But there was still so much uncertainty. 

So much fear.

“I’m really scared...” you admitted. He pulled you closer to him as his arms wrapped around you tightly. “I’m scared too,” he whispered. “I’ll fight for you though. I can’t promise I’ll be perfect but I’m gonna try.. every day.” You closed your eyes, leaning into him as you let the weight of his words settle. 

It wasn’t a guarantee. It wasn’t a promise of ‘happily ever after’. But it was something. It was a start.

For now, that was all you could ask for.

You pulled back slightly with your eyes meeting his, “Okay..we’ll try again” you whispered.

Trent relaxed his shoulders, his grip on you loosening enough to pull you into a kiss that was so gentle, like he was afraid to push too hard. You let yourself melt into the kiss, believing that maybe things would get better. 

Not perfect. But better.

You imagined a future where he was by your side not just in words, but in action. 

It was enough..

Enough to try again.

[unnaturalequilibrium]

Capítulo 2 & 3

- Mafin rewatch (Sueños de Libertad)

Watching the de la Reina siblings is a hoot. It's all so deliciously dysfunctional. Damian's three porcelain dolls, all dressed up and filled with generational trauma. How could that not be fun to watch?! I enjoy that Marta is the action oriented one of them. The boys bicker, but she refuses to play their game, instead tries for a solution and an action forward. It’s notable that both brothers turn to her as if her agreement, her word actually holds sway. They’re already making a point of this being a man’s world, but these men, even if it’s a means to play out each other, hang on her word and give it weight.

I’m kind of sad Jesús is such a right villain, because I enjoy him and Marta together. They play off each other well and you instantly get the nuances between them, making it super easy to envision how things were before Andrés return. The way they’ve kept that business afloat, probably stood side by side against their father on a number of occasions. I feel like they’ve kept each other alert, maybe a bit too guarded, but also with a sense of mutual respect despite all of the other muddled feelings of jealousy and resentment and old-fashioned sibling rivalry. In a world where Jesús wasn't such an evil man I think this could have been one of my favourite relationships on the show, if they'd taken the time to develop it more. Especially in the way she yields to him in the beginning and how her character growth comes into play later on.

Carmen is the boss you want to have before she’s even anyone’s boss. The way she is straightforward and stands up to Marta for her own and her fellow workers sake and safety. I wish she was my workplace Union rep. She’s such a competent lady and I'd gladly line up behind. But why throw fucking caveman Tasio around her neck like a noose I’ll never understand. Though I’m getting ahead of myself, or ahead of the show at least.

I mean seriously, what’s up with that opening credit?! Of all the characters, they get a two shot. In bed. The two of them who at this point in time have nothing to tie them together. A flimsy string of connection through fathers, through work. I wasn’t here from the start, but I assume they were shipped from day one? Granted by my arguing maybe Gaspar and Tasio should be shipped too, but at least those two aren't in bed together. And no, don't enlighten me if there are people who do ship them. Some things I'd rather go through life without knowing. This would be one of those.

Lol, Luz is so no-nonsense as she saves Damian's life. “Stop praying and let me stab him with a giant needle, you rich fools!”. Her and Begona sharing the medical field and a bit of empathy with each other is nice too. An ensemble cast that is balanced between men and women seldom leave room for a lot of female friendship, but this one does. I appreciate that.

Fina establishing from the very beginning what she thinks of men, and especially the fool ones like Carmen's deadbeat boyfriend. I feel you. And I am in love with the way she throughout all the episodes to date will be used as a way of voicing what the tired lesbian feminist in all of us wishes she could say, out loud.

If trolls exist, you know like proper giant ones, the kind that can be mistaken for a mountain, covered in moss and trees and then suddenly just opens its eyes and stands up to stretch. You know the kind of trolls you think of when listening to Grieg's In the Mountain King's Hall - yeah those. I imagine if they existed then they'd sound exactly like a sickly Don Damian, like a melodic stone avalanche. That said I’ve never envision mountain trolls to sound Spanish before now. But maybe that’s on me.

Joaquín is a bit of an ass, calling Fina (and the rest of them) lazy - my eyes are narrowed. It wasn’t actually something he developed when he got on my shitlist by flirting with the secretary while having a cute as a button wife or pointing a gun at Marta. Apparently the assery was a pre-existing condition. It’s interesting though that Luis is the one talking about taking over the company, yet he still comes off as the decent one of them.

“You don’t notice the boys?”- Petra, you blonde little snake, don’t call my Fina out like that. Maybe we're allowed to know she's a lesbian, but don't flaunt it in front of the entire canteen like that. It’s kind of funny though how Fina is so clear about Luis not being her type, yet there are so many common denominators between him and Marta both in personality and in physicality (except of course the most important one in this case, their sex).

I know he’s supposed to be one of the good guys, but honestly, Andrés is a bit of a douchebag, isn’t he?! Or maybe that's a bit harsh, but he comes across as pretty smarmy. He's like what the wall behind your stove would be if anthropomorphised, kind of greasy, kind of sticky and in constant need of being hosed down. But yay for not letting the roof drop on your employees, I guess.

[thefactsofthematter]

hello newsies tumblr! i’m back to post a scene i found in a random wip folder, from a fic that will probably never exist in full lol

please enjoy some sad canon era javid <3

-

"...and I know we don't pray the same way, you and I, but your folks said you might not mind it if I sat with you and did this. Only one God, ain't there, so I figures we can ask Him for all the help we can get, every which way. Ain’t no harm in extra prayers."

That's Jack's voice.

David is awake, sort of, but too tired to open his eyes. His body is itchy, but he's too tired to scratch himself. His throat burns, so he doesn't dare try and speak.

He just lays there.

"This was my Ma's." He's placing something in David's hand. A string of beads, it feels like. "I should take the time to sit and pray it more often. She carried it everywhere. Only thing I've got left of her, really."

He wraps the beads around David's palm.

"You start at the bottom, see," Jack continues, as if he knows David's listening, "and you say a prayer for every bead. And you gotta have an intention, right— mine for today is that I'm asking God to get you better, 'cause you're starting to scare everyone, Dave, what with how you just keep getting sicker and the fever won't break. We can't go losing you anytime soon, so you've gotta get yourself better as soon as you can."

He's very sick, David realizes. That's why he can't move.

He's a bit scared.

But it's hard to stay scared for long with Jack Kelly holding your hand, so he starts to feel calm again.

"In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti," Jack murmurs.

David hadn’t realized Jack knew Latin. Wonders where he learned it, since he would've left school before the grades they started teaching it. He only went to school until he was eight— he told David that.

"Credo in Deum, Patrem omnipotentem, Creatorem caeli et terrae..."

Jack continues on in words that David's tired brain can't make sense of, but it's rhythmic and soothing. There's a cadence to it like Jack doesn't actually know what he's saying, has just memorized the sounds, probably at church— it's like how David felt about some Hebrew prayers when he was little, just echoing back what he heard others speak.

From bead to bead, Jack mumbles quiet prayers, and David finds himself, somewhere in his fever-addled brain, feeling quite charmed and grateful that Jack would show him this private, vulnerable side of himself. His faith is deeply personal to him, David knows— it's there in the way he never puts on his arrogant show towards the nuns, the way he's quick to take his cap off even on the steps of the church, the way he scrubs the littlest newsies into their very best shape on Saturday nights and drags them to mass on Sunday mornings. David loves to watch him in those short moments before he eats his dinner each day, lips moving silently as he gives thanks.

It's a softer side of Jack Kelly that often stays well-hidden, but makes itself very endearing when it peeks through.

"I think I might be praying for a miracle," Jack sighs, after a long time of quiet whispering, counting along the beads. His voice is a bit shaky now. "But they happens, you know. They said so in the good book. I know it's the very same God lookin' after you and I, and I know He loves you and won't take you away from us here on Earth, not just yet. Ain't your time."

And he takes the beads from David's palm, replacing them with his own hand. He intertwines their fingers and squeezes.

David tries to squeeze back. It's weak, pitiful, but enough for Jack to gasp.

"I knew it," he whispers. "Oh, I knew it, I knew it, Dave. You're there, ain't you? You're listening."

And David wishes he could give him anything more, but he can feel sleep creeping up on him again, so he lets it come. Not much else he can do, but it's nice to hear some hope in Jack's voice.

[littlexscarletxwitch]

── ༊*·˚⋆ 𝗱𝗶𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲𝘇𝗼𝗻𝗲

paring: florence pugh x fem!reader

tag(s): fluff, a drop of angst, some comfort, sad imagine, established relationship, long-distance relationship, flo being an amazing gf

warning(s): language, heartbreak (?), grammatical errors, unedited

word count: 1.8k

note: I cannot write a sad ending for the life of me lol, but one day I will. And you won't see it coming (jk). I thought I would never post this fic, when the song came out I had like the main idea but never proceed to write it down. But I'm glad I finally wrote it, it was long time overdue lol. I'm not a native english speaker, so please let me know about any sort of mistake. Love, M <3

note 2: So I made the mistake (wait was it really a mistake? I dunno) to listen to 'Needed me' by Rihanna while finishing up this fic. What do we think about smut for part 2 ?????? 

requests are open! + check my rules + masterlist <3

You were laying on your bed, eyes closed, pretending everything was fine, when in reality it was quite the opposite.

“I hate this,” you mumbled to your phone for Florence to hear.

“I know, baby… Me too. I just wish I could be there with you,” she said as she hugged herself, pretending that it was you who was holding her.

The yawn you were trying so hard to hold back finally slipped out. “Yeah, you keep saying that…”

The words rushed out of your mouth without giving them a second thought, you didn’t mean to sound mean or angry, but you had and it had already reached her ears.

“Yeah, well, I’m working. You know that,” she immediately replied, she sounded both hurt and angry, and you cursed yourself for that.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m sorry, I’m just really tired. Today was a really long day, I’m sorry, baby,” the last thing you needed was to pick another fight for such a small thing over the goddamn phone.

You breathed out, trying to calm your own thoughts. It felt like the only thing Florence and you would do was fight over the phone. The two of you could only share a couple of hours together through the little device, and the two of you would waste it over some stupid fights. The whole situation was stressful, not just the fights or your job, but being so far away from each other that it physically hurt. And it hurt even more that you two would be constantly fighting.

You heard her taking a deep breath, she felt the same as you, you knew it. She was tired and stressed and had a lot going on at work. But she wanted to be with you more than anything, hold you, kiss you, touch you and whisper sweet nothings to your ear.

But you couldn’t tell that by her deep huff. You figured she was tired about this, about you, about this whole situation which did no good to either of you.

“Maybe… maybe we should take a break…” you muttered, not wanting to be heard but she already had.

As soon as the words left your lips you regretted even having thought of them. You didn’t mean it, that was the last thing you could ever possibly ask for in this world. But maybe it was what she wanted and needed. Maybe she was just too scared to pronounce the words so you had to do it instead.

A break? Florence thought, not wanting to believe the words that came out of your mouth. Things were pretty bad if you wanted to take a break. Shit, she really screwed up. Was that really what you wanted? A break? A break away from her and her shit. It would make sense, right? You were tired, she was tired, but were you really tired of her? You wouldn’t have said anything if you didn't mean to, right?

“Yeah, maybe we should. If that’s what you want, love…” she let her head fall against the wall, trying to find some kind of support, praying to the universe that you would take back your request.

Well, there it was, she wanted to take a break. And who were you to deny her such a thing? You were willing to give her everything, this wasn’t the exception, even if it broke your heart.

You cleared your throat, afraid your voice would betray you. “Yeah, okay,” you said, fighting back the tears.

“Okay…”

As soon as you heard her, you hung up, not wanting her to hear you as you sobbed. You felt your heart shrinking, a burning feeling creeped throughout your entire body, and the more you cried the more you felt like your head was about to explode. And you laid there, hand clutch to your stomach, feeling cold and alone.

You felt Billie cuddling your feet, trying to give you some comfort since she could sense your sadness. And even though all the poor thing wanted was to show some support to one of her favourite humans, she unintentionally made everything worse, since she was a reminder of her owner. The two of you lay there, you crying your heart out, until the both of you dozed off to sleep.

[…]

The moment you hang up, she realised what had happened, that it wasn’t a dream, more like a nightmare if that were the case. But it was real, it had happened and she didn’t stop you. Why didn’t she stop you?

“Fuck!” she cursed, throwing her phone on the bed.

She took her hands to her head in disbelief, the last moments of her life going through her mind on repeat over and over again.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” she screamed at the top of her lungs.

She was angry. Angry at herself for not having done something about it, she should have told you that it was a mistake, that it wasn’t what she wanted, not even close. At her work, she loved working, she really did, but was it really worth it when it ruined the best thing that has ever happened to her? —you. At the distance between the two of you, at the stupid body of water keeping you seven thousand miles away from her. She was even angry at the stupid different timezone for constantly keeping the two of you apart.

She couldn’t help to imagine you laying in your shared bed, probably wearing an old oversized t-shirt of hers, or maybe not given that you two had broken each other's heart, now sleeping right where she was supposed to be.

She couldn’t stop hearing your voice in her head, a fucking break? What were you thinking? What was she thinking? She should have told you that it was crazy, that it was a mistake, that it was completely bullshit.

Her head was starting to hurt from all thinking, her heart began to shatter as the realisation sinked in and as her anger slowly faded away sadness began to wash over her. She felt her stomach churn at how wrong this whole thing felt.

She was supposed to be running lines, but she couldn't concentrate anymore as the only thing that popped on her mind was you. She had to do something about it, she couldn't leave things between you two like this, she couldn’t go to sleep that night knowing that she let you go that easily.

“Screw it,” she said to herself, not giving her actions a second thought or else she feared she might back down.

She grabbed her phone, grateful that it hadn’t landed on the floor, and made all the calls she needed to. She was going to fix this, she had to.

[…]

You felt the sunlight creeping through the curtains even though your eyes were still closed. Slowly and carefully you opened them up, as you began to gain consciousness you felt like your head was about to explode. The events of last night came rushing to your mind like a slap to your cheek. The call, the words that were spoken, the tears that were shed and Billie cuddling at your feet offering you some comfort.

You got up, brushed your teeth, took a painkiller and went back to laying. You began to think things through. What were you supposed to do now? Did Florence expect you to leave her house? Who was going to take care of Billie while she was gone? Should you just gather your things and leave? Toby can take care of Billie, he used to do it before you came along, that would be no problem. Shit, what were you going to tell him once you got there with Billie?

You shook your head, letting the thoughts fade away as it was all becoming too much too fast and too real. You could already feel the tears burning your eyes just by the thought of leaving the place Florence and you had been sharing over the past two years.

You decided that you were done thinking for the moment. You found some ice cream in the fridge and made your way to the living room. You dropped down on the couch, a blanket over your shoulders, and snatched the remote control from the coffee table.

You were just about to watch your comfort show when you heard the jingle of keys. Your heart dropped, who could possibly be?

“Y/n?” you heard as the door flew open. “Y/n, where are you?”

You didn’t answer, the words wouldn't come out of your mouth.

“Ah, there you are,” Florence said, she seemed out of breath, as if she had been running or something.

“What are you–?” but she cut you off right away.

“No, let me go first, okay?” she didn’t wait for an answer. “I have this whole speech planned and it’s already fading away so…” she took a deep breath. “This is bullshit, Y/n. I’m not having this. A break?! Are you serious?” she said, stepping closer to you.

“Florence—.”

“I’m not done yet, love,” she was now sitting right next to you, her warm hands reaching out for your cold ones. “I get it, we had a rough couple of months, always bickering at each other. But that doesn’t mean we should take a break, I’m not going to let you go, Y/n.”

“But you agreed—”

“I only agreed because I thought that was what you wanted, but it’s not even close to what I want. That’s why I’m here,” you felt the tears in the corner of your eyes, your bottom lip slightly trembling. “I’m here to tell you: no, I don’t want a fucking break. I don’t give a shit about my work, about the contracts that I signed. The only thing I care about is you, and I’m going to make it work, make us work. Because I love you, Y/n. So fuck your ‘break’, you hear me? Fuck it.”

You looked at her soft green eyes, even though your vision was half blurry you could still make out her watery eyes.

“That was a great speech,” you joked, your heart getting warmer as a smile formed on her lips.

“Yeah, well a 10 hour flight gives you a lot of time to think about—”

Your lips stopped her from talking as you threw yourself on her, connecting your lips in a much needed kiss. A kiss that you had been dreaming of the last couple of months.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” you whispered over and over again on her lips as you kissed her.

You were straddling her, both of your hands cupping her cheeks caressing her soft skin. You felt her hands sneaking around your waist, gently squeezing your skin. And then moving them further down to rest on your ass, pushing you more into her chest.

Much to your dismay, you pulled away from her lips, feeling the need to actually pronounce these words: “I missed you, so so much, Florence.”

“Me too, baby. Me too,” she said, leaving kisses all over your neck. “In fact, let me show you how much I missed you,” her hot breath gave you goosebumps, as you threw your head back, giving her more access to your sensitive skin.

Likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated! <3

-M

[acealonsowrites]

TKDB Boys as Lewis Capaldi songs

Putting this out as I warm myself up to starting part two of my Subaru mini fic. Lewis Capaldi is my fav singer at the moment so I'm combining my two hyper fixations :) Some of these make complete sense (objectively) and others make complete sense TO ME (subjectively) and some I'm completely lying through my teeth and just wanted to assign a song to be done with it. I'll let y'all know which is which and my explanations for them + the lyrics that I feel best go with them. Most of these we have to pretend the boys are romantic and melancholic cause that's the only way this'll work. The easiest were Towa and Subaru, I feel like they're the embodiment of the two faces of Lewis's songs (pining for love and having imposter syndrome lol). The hardest were Tohma and Ritsu but I'll try my best to explain.

Makes sense (objectively):

Luca, Kaito, Alan, Sho, Leo, Towa, Taiga, Subaru, Haku, Ed, Rui, Lyca

Make sense (subjectively, ie: to me):

Jin, Haru, Romeo, Zenji, Yuri, Jiro

Lying through my teeth:

Tohma, Ren, Ritsu

So without further ado, here are my song assignments for the boys :)

Frostheim

Jin - How This Ends

“All the flowers would die and the tears from your eyes would come as no surprise as I tried to forget how we bled, and we bled, and we bled, and we bled. So this is where we ended up. All of those years that I wasted for love. And here it is, forevermore, the house is on fire and I can’t find the door. If I had the heart to start it again, I’d stamp out the sparks in my own self-defense. No, you ain’t gonna like how this ends.”

I only had a bit of a hard time assigning Jin's because I felt like his and Romeo's could kinda go to either or. But in the end, this one made the most sense for Jin. It makes me think about what his family life could be like and it's a good contrast with the fire themes being an obstacle for the Ice King. The start of this song also mentions being useless and full of excuses which makes me think of how he's viewed from an outsider's perspective since Tohma clearly does all the work.

Tohma - Don’t Get Me Wrong

“Pray silence, I’m begging. Too tired to tell you I ain’t coming home. Stop for a second. Guess I got caught up in leading you on. And I ain’t responsible for the lump in your throat. Haven’t you had enough of all of this? Haven’t you had enough of loneliness? Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to stay too long. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to tell you whatever you want. But haven’t you had enough of loneliness? Haven’t we had enough of second best? So don’t get me wrong.”

GODDDD it was so hard assigning Tohma a song. Mostly because I just can't gauge him? I don't think I understand him all that well but I still tried. Anyways from what little we know about his past and how he most likely was Vagastrom turned Frostheim but still having relatively good relations with Vagastrom, something tells me that he switched houses because of some hidden ambition of his. He seems to be very driven and determined, like he wouldn't let external factors come between him and his goals. Like the song suggests, he doesn't settle for second best and hopes you understand.

Luca - Pointless

“From all my airs and graces to the little things I do, everything is pointless without you. Of all the dreams I’m chasing there’s only one I’d choose. Everything is pointless without you.”

What a sweet boy. This was one of the first ones I assigned in my head, mostly because he's a perfect little gentleman. He has goals and ambitions like Tohma but in my head there's nothing he wouldn't do for a loved one. Later in the song the lyrics go "I'll wait for you, I'll wait for you. You'll wait for me, too." And idk it just feels like him? Tell me I'm wrong.

Kaito - The Ancient Art of Always Fucking Up

“The story goes now he’s the kind of fool who breaks his heart as often as the moon shows its face to you. And I regret to say politely, I’m the guy who’ll more than likely lose like I always do.”

Boyfailure at it's finest. This entire song is his, I was thisss close to typing it all out. A master of the ancient art of always fucking up, Kaito seems to be prone to self-sabotaging both with love and finances. Give this song a listen, I promise it'll make sense.

Vagastrom 

Alan - Someone I Could Die For

“You know I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t dying for someone I could die for, someone I could try for. Fall apart and cry for, go ‘head risk my life for. Bullet to the brain for, take away the pain for. You know I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t dying for someone I could die for.”

Can you tell I love him? Call him Bruno Mars the way he'd catch a grenade for you. Or in this case, take a bullet to the brain for you. He's got that tough-looking exterior and he doesn't really feel he deserves love or to be that close to anybody but something tells me he yearns for it. Out of all of Vagastrom he's the only one looking for that someone to be vulnerable with but he's obviously not gonna show it.

Sho - Let it Roll

“And if you want to stay lost a while, I’ll rearrange the road I take and meet you out in the wild. And if you want we can wait behind. We can find a place to hide, maybe I could change your mind.”

Look I love Sho, okay. Sho, I love you. Listen Sho, I love you. You hang out with Leo which means you have the emotional depth of a walnut. I wasn't going to give him a song that was that deep because it just didn't make sense. He just seems like someone you could take a ride with and completely forget your troubles. He's unfortunately here for a good time, not a long time.

Leo - Forget Me

“Cause I’m not ready to find out you know how to forget me. I’d rather hear how much you regret me, and pray to god that you never met me, than forget me. Oh, I hate to know I made you cry but love to know I cross your mind, babe.” 

Lol, no he doesn't hate that he made you cry. He's actually collecting your tears in a bottle. But he really would rather you keep him on your mind even if it's pure hatred than have you forget him. That's probably his number one fear: being forgotten. He wants all of your attention and he doesn't care how it comes.

Jabberwock

Haru - Someone You Loved

“I’m going under and this time I fear there’s no one to turn to. This all-or-nothing way of loving’s got me sleeping without you. Now, I need somebody to know, somebody to heal, somebody to have, just to know how it feels. It’s easy to say but it’s never the same. I guess I kinda liked the way you helped me escape.”

Haru was also a bit of a tossup for me. This is mostly carried by the desire to heal someone. It really feels like he just needs someone on his corner FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE. Someone PLEASE help him escape some of his responsibilities or at least take some off his shoulders.

Towa - Before You Go/Haven’t You Ever Been in Love Before

“So, before you go, was there something I could’ve said to make your heart beat better? If only I’d have known you had a storm to weather. So, before you go, was there something I could’ve said to make it all stop hurting? It kills me how your mind could make you feel so worthless.”

“And maybe I’m a fool, but I just can’t live with regret, I’d rather dive off the deep end. Will you hold me like you want me? But you don’t give me nothing else. Feel this happening, but you feel absent. Can you tell me what it is? And she said this: ‘Haven’t you ever been in love before? You heard em say, it takes the pain away, and it’s a feeling that you can’t ignore. But it’s more like a knife to me, than a high to me, and my heart can’t fall apart anymore. If you knew what I know you’d be terrified. Haven’t you ever been in love before?’”

Like I said in the intro, Towa's vibes make up half of all Lewis Capaldi songs. He's the free spirit, he's the guy that believes in soulmates. I gave him two because I couldn't decide which one fit him better. He's really looking to take away all your troubles so lean on him as much as you like. For the second part I was imagining a conversation with him under the tree going like this. He'll hear you rant about how this curse has sullied all thoughts of love for you and hearing this breaks his heart a little because he feels you deserve love.

Ren - Bruises 

“There must be something in the water, cause everyday it’s getting colder. And if only I could hold you, you’d keep my head from going under.”

This one's short because it's Ren, hello! He's so emotionally stunted, there really wasn't much to go off of. Chose something with water in it cause haha funny. Honestly though if he DID find a way to express emotion, he would probably hold the metaphor of drowning and you being his lifesaver close to his heart. I actually love him so I had to try at least a little bit for him.

Sinostra 

Taiga - A Cure for Minds Unwell

“That, if I’m being honest, I couldn’t tell you this is all I wanted. I struggle sleeping cause the house feels haunted. Filled with the shadows of regret, and the things I should’ve said to the ones I’ve laid to rest and lately, I’m terrified that all my youth is fading. Man, growing old is so excruciating. Is there a cure for minds unwell? Cause my head’s a living hell, if I’m honest with myself.”

At first, I was conflicted on finding a song for Taiga for obvious reasons but then I remembered this specific part of this song and it made me think of some theories of Taiga freshly post-clash realizing that his mental state was deteriorating and then I got sad :,) Y'all are really geniuses with these theories by the way, I love it. Keep the hurt coming for me PLEASE.

Romeo - Burning

“So maybe now instead of balancing on the edge we could put this to bed for good. Could call it quits or risk sinking with this broken ship but I don’t think we’d make it through, through. Now it’s only the beat of my heart that reminds me not to stare at the sparks. Can’t set fire to my soul just to keep ya, keep ya, keep ya from burning alone.”

Like I said, Jin and Romeo really could've gone either way. Their family situations to me feel vaguely similar but this one felt like it spoke more to Romeo. He is, as Taiga calls him, a greedy bastard. He's experienced what it's like losing everything and now he's desperately trying to hold on to what he has like his life depends on it and he's really not about to let anyone stop him. He's not really caring or empathetic to your situation however much he fakes otherwise and he's not about to risk his livelihood to save you, I'm sorry.

Ritsu - Grace

“On the verge of almost bleeding you out. Are we too wounded now to ever come down? Oh, how I long for us to find common ground. I’ve got nothing but you on my mind.”

This was the hardest one BY FAR. I kinda don't have an explanation because even though I said "let's pretend they're romantics," he's really just, not? And he's not melancholic either so have some crumbs lol.

Hotarubi

Subaru - Maybe/The Pretender

“I gave my all but not enough. And with the weight of expectations I’ll be sleeping rough. How come I’m the only one who ever seems to get in my way? Lately I’ve been fucking up a good thing any chance I can get. Somebody to lean on, somebody to hold. It’s just another to lead though, before I let go and I ain’t tryna be lonely, solely, but everything I touch turns to stone. Maybe you’re better off on my own.” 

“I spend almost all of my time feeling like I’m falling even further behind. I know I’m so good at seeming like I’m not on the edge of a knife. I feel like everything I do is a lie, and all the words just further pull the wool over eyes. I know I’m no good at being who I am away from the light. I’m the pretender, what can I tell ya? Designed to deceive, so tell me who you want me to be.”

Again, two songs because he's the second half of all Lewis songs. Did someone say imposter syndrome? He's an actor, what do you expect. The first one could have also gone to Rui but I feel it's more fitting for Subaru. He's a little too self-conscious about his stigma and he holds out on personal relationships because of it.

Haku - Love the Hell Out of You

“You’ve got your demons, spent seasons on the dark side of the moon. Don’t try denying cause you know that I’ve been there, too. Right now I know how it feels like the world’s gonna end. But I’ll get you through, if it’s the last thing I do. I’m gonna love the hell out of you. Take all the pain that you’re going through. And I’ll bring you heaven, if that’s what you need. Cause you’ve always loved the hell out of me.”

Lock me up and throw away the key, he knows how to get the best out of me ~ HAKUUUU my love. This one was a no-brainer, I mean come on. He and Rui are peak romantics. He was the first one to help you and by god, he'll be the last. I have no other words. Live, laugh, love, Haku.

Zenji - Heavenly Kind of State of Mind

“From now until the afterlife, be it rain, or hail, or shine, we could be intertwined. Whether you were heaven-sent to save me from above, or the only one who doesn’t hate me, that’s enough. When I need someone to save me from original sin, you call me like a chorus only angels could sing. Now I think about you all of the time, oh what a heavenly kind of state of mind.”

I'm sorry but this one was FUNNYYYY to me. You know, cause he's, y'know...anyways. This whole song feels like how he talks and how he would probably sing it too. Even from the start, "it's almost cruel, the blue in your eyes. The kind of blasphemy that makes a congregation cry." TELL ME THAT'S NOT SOMETHING HE'D SAY. It's almost as eccentric as he is and there really was no better option for him.

Obscuary 

Ed - Forever

“Darling, nobody said that it would last forever. That doesn’t mean we didn’t try to get there. I never said that we would die together. That doesn’t mean it was a lie, remember. Nobody said that it would last forever.” 

Hahaha pain. Can you imagine Ed living through a bunch of lovers and outliving them all? At some point he'd stop caring but he'd really have to tell you not to expect much from him. He probably avoids becoming attached to anyone anymore.

Rui - Lost on You

“Everyday I’m a slave to the heartache, and you’re wasting away every night. I don’t wanna leave you lonely, but I’ve run out of love this time. You know that I adore you, though I couldn’t give enough. Hope you’ll be safe in the arms of another, cause I can’t take the weight of your love.” 

Pain again. I warned y'all this one would hurt. Of course he'd HAVE to give you up at some point because not being able to touch you was punishment enough. You both have to move on now.

Lyca- Mercy

“For every second you’ve been talking, I’ve been trying to count the lines around your face cause I don’t know if I’ll ever be this close again. I feel like I’m just wasting time before you pull the trigger. It’s the drawing of the line, it’s my ghost you’re gonna give up. Got your made up mind, it hurts to see you’re alright, when I’m not alright. So if you’re calling it a night, oh please have, have mercy. Have mercy on me, you’re breaking my heart.”

HAHAHAHA PAIN PAIN PAIN OH IT HURTS SO GOOD. I thought of two things for this one. 1) Idk but I headcannon that whoever this Neros person is, he's either dead or he wants nothing to do with Lyca. Either way I can imagine their time together before Lyca was imprisoned and him not understanding why Neros is leaving him. 2) His time with Subaru before he actually trusted him. He fully believed Subaru was sent to kill him and he felt kind of conflicted opening up to someone who would probably be his downfall. But then he warms up to Subaru and instead of thinking "when is he gonna kill me" it's "when is he coming back" whenever the lulls between Subaru's visits become too lengthy. This one really hit too close to home :,)

Mortkranken

Yuri - Old Navy Blue

“No matter though how good things go, they’ve always got to end. I’ve said goodbye to family from the side of their sick beds. So, to all the ones I’ll always love but faded out of view: until we meet again, this one’s for you. Well it’s sad, but sometimes it’s true, that your friends become the people you knew. Once upon a time, that you left behind, old navy blue.” 

Okay hear me out. So before the Mortkranken episode, I really did not like Yuri. After it though? AND after Episode 8?? Bro really is overworked and does he get the respect he deserves? Not a lick. I also headcannon that his medical ambitions stem from his possible experiences with loss in his personal life and now he's really just determined to be the best doctor there ever was. Sure, he's got some arrogance going for him but I mean it's kind of warranted when your talents aren't truly recognized. It's kinda necessary or else he's gonna lose his shit. No harm keeping his ego in check from time-to-time though.

Jiro - Rush

“I miss the tone of your heartbeat. It’s such a warming and familiar sound. I hope you’re finding the power to help you make it through the darker days. For now I’ll wait by the hour if you wanna take somebody’s breath away.” 

Do I even have to explain this one? Pre-clash to post-clash Jiro is most likely a completely different person. I can imagine him having some remnants of memories from his past of who he was and who he left behind but still not quite fully understanding what this emptiness is and if it was always there.

Anyways that was the post. Thanks for sticking around this long if you made it all the way down here lol. Part 2 of Subaru mini fic will either be out tonight or tomorrow. Okay bye love you!

[babyfairy]

feeling very resentful and angry tonight and just bitter towards the whole world and usually these feelings really trigger a lot of OCD fueled guilt (negative thinking = bad = punishment by the universe) but at this point it’s just like. i’ve already tried praying, manifesting, medicine, therapy, crisis lines, talking it out, expressing how i feel, journaling, keeping it all to myself, being open and vulnerable about it, etc etc etc it doesn’t matter. it does not improve or get better. in fact it kind of only seems to get worse the more i wish and hope for things to get better. so i think i’m ready to just accept it and stop hoping for it to relent in some way. doesn’t make it suck less and i feel like i’m losing myself in all of my grief and sorrow and anger but i just feel so blank and flat and apathetic about losing my sense of self. and just about everything honestly. feel so devoid of any sort of passion even about the things i love. nothing around me is permanent so why bother? everything i care about and love is temporary. i just anticipate the next loss or the next hurt and that’s it. even the small pockets of joy are ruined by the underlying worry that it won’t last and i’ll sink back into the same hole i’ve been in for over a year now. lol! like i’m not trying to sound unhinged i’m genuinely physically fine like i’m sitting on the couch relaxing. i’m of sound mind when i say all this. i hate living, and i am tired and embarrassed about my desperation to find some sort of peace or enjoyment in life. i don’t have the energy to try anymore right now 🫶🏼 maybe i will find it again or maybe i won’t. i don’t care lol it doesn’t seem to matter either way!

[sizzlingstarlightsky]

Hello again! All that information you provided was so juicy. 👀

Now that I’m learning more about your love for Azris, let’s get into the details! 😏 We touched on this a bit with my last question, but I’m ready to really dig in! When it comes to stories, what’s your go-to mix of fluff, angst, and romance? Do you like your fics on the lighter side or do you prefer a healthy dose of emotional torment? (Or maybe a bit of both?) Remember this is for *you* so don’t be shy about being specific! 

Also, what’s your preferred rating—are we talking sweet and sfw, spicy and Mature, or going all the way to Explicit?

And, of course, I have to ask—any favorite tropes? You mentioned slow burn and enemies to lovers, but is there anything else you love? Are there any tropes you dislike? Let me know what makes your heart race or tugs at your feels the most!

Looking forward to crafting something you'll love!

Your Secret Santa 🎁✨

AHH this means I actually have to decide something 😅

I love a good mix. Lighter, fluffy, soft, heart tug moments that make me giggle at 3am. As well as emotinal tournament and character humbling. I mean it's Azris so that's self explanatory lol. I don't necessarily think about Beron but he's an asshole wherever he exists so do with him or don't.

Just some plot thickener and character development. I like happy endings in my delusion 🤭 Princess Bride esk.

I'm good with any rating you're comfortable with, and whatever the plot needs.

A slow burn with wild sex, love.

A secret fling while still wanting to kill one another, love.

A story that doesn't mention sex, love.

Really anything, unless your RuNyx. Gothikana made me viscerally angry. It was beautiful and purple and gothic and i wanted to enjoy it. I ended up enjoying hating it. I may not be a teacher/ student type person though. It was also a horribly written book with so much potential. So i cant fully judge the trope😮‍💨 I did like Ezra watching PLL 👀

I love drama. Lucien was my first favorite character. I want to drink, smoke weed, and talk shit. The chaos, the disarray, the piping hot tea- that I burn myself with everytime cause I'm impatient. GAgatha Christie 💅🏻

OH also Azriel has the sluttiest little waist and Eris is muscular, but in a

I'm not a big fan of miscommunication but if done right, or entertaining, I'd eat it up and go for seconds. For reference, I don't hate Fourth Wing. I quite like it and read THAT one scene when I want to feel pain 😇 but I pray Violet has some emotional maturity in Onyx Strom. Cause, damn. She's tiring.

I love a good coincidence or 'the universe is playing with me' vibe. And a good grumpy/ sunshine will always do it for me. Black cat & ginger cat type thing.

I'm also totally fine with staying in the acotar delusion world or traveling to an AU. I'm an alien baby, we can take in my ufo.

For tropes I don't like: uh, probably pick me, instant love unles it makes sense (looking at you RuNyx), characters not having flaws. Idk I'm usually open to most anything as long as it has a purpose.

🫶🏻❄️Love you Santa!

[never-not-ever]

I’m exhausted. I tried to go to sleep right when I got home. I got in bed, caught up on some Tik Tok’s but fell asleep on my own before midnight. Then woke up to Benny trying to get into the bedroom intensely. Like I don’t know why.. we were all in the living room and by “we” I mean the other boys 😅.

I think I took some trazodone around 2 and then was up again at 3. I feel like I sort of fell asleep but was also aware of my struggling to sleep.

Me, my Nana and my nephew were going to go up to my beach in Gloucester but it’s raining so we just got coffee and McDonald’s breakfast and went for a drive.

We’re on the way home now. She ran into Walmart and I’m sitting in the car so close to passing out, it’s ridiculous how tired I am and it doesn’t make sense.

I have therapy at 2. I need to make sure I leave extra early cause 2 weeks ago I was like 20 minutes late forgetting about the tunnel traffic on the weekends. And I need Starbucks. I got a small Dunkin iced coffee but it’s not that great. Just praying to the gods my pumpkin cream cold brew is made perfectly cause I need it desperately lol.

I think a reason I slept like shit was also my hand being in pain which I hate complaining about, I literally said to the doctor yesterday “you can’t be a self harmer and complain about the pain” when she was warning me before the lidocaine injections. Like I did this to myself I can’t complain. So just a simple statement: my hand fucking hurts and just feels uncomfortable too. Maybe I wrapped the bandage too tight?

Changing topics and last topic cause this is so long… I just saw this super tall guy walking in the parking lot and I did a double take cause he made the carriage look mini like a kids play carriage lol. It was cute. And then a minute later some young girl walked by and I thought it was a counselor from my old unit.

[narrators-journal]

request: ryomina with your stalker au, with bottom minato.

prompts: 5,12,13 and somnophilia.

I tried so hard to make this one good. I tried SO hard! I WANT it to be good, but god DAMN have I been tweaking this for days. Between the other asks, art, and trying to get some downtime, I’ve been working on this and honing it. So, I pray it’s good. I hope you enjoy, and man could I use some encouragement for the persona asks. The only content that gets liked is hxh stuff, but my passion is for persona…

Sorry if that’s a bit whiney, lol. I also just want more traction on my kinktober stuff in general. I think I might be shadow banned for some of these lol.

Kinktober prompt list: Here

Kinktober masterlist: Here

CW: dubcon, drugging, stalking, serial killer Ryoji, 2 am writing lol. Somnophilia attempts. It’s at least lightly there, breeding kink is also at last implied, pet play, orgasm delay, it’s a p pervy mix!

Three years ago, at 10 pm on a Saturday night Minato Arisato would’ve been out drinking and flirting with any possible man who gave him attention. Prowling bars with his friends for any boost of serotonin or Dopamine he could get. 

However, that was in the era of his life before he had an unhinged, lovesick serial killer stalking him. 

So, instead of going clubbing on a Saturday, Minato was watching the clock tick down with a cup of coffee and some cheesy, garish game show to keep him up. Only two or three more hours. If I don’t get a lily by midnight, I’m free. He told himself. Tearing his tired eyes from the TV to peek out his living room window in hopes of seeing a familiar figure approaching his home in the yellow light of the street lights. Only a few more hours.

That’s what he reminded himself, anyway. Mostly to block out the nagging truth that one missed ‘anniversary’ didn’t promise freedom. He just had to keep up hope…

And piss. Minato had to piss like a motherfucker.

Taking a deep breath, he decided to bite that bullet. Putting down his coffee and making a swift beeline for the bathroom, the blue-haired emo tried to be quick so as to lessen the opening that lightning-fast bastard needed to get into his home. All the time he was away, keeping his senses on high alert for any sign of windows or door opening, floor boards squeaking, or any other minute sign of a change in his tiny home. Yet, when he finally returned to his couch, he found no signs of change.

No knife-wielding brunette lounging with a bag of chips, no love notes, no flowers waiting in a ribbon-tied bouquet on his wobbly coffee table. He could breathe a sigh of relief.

So, Minato happily flopped back onto the aged, squishy cushions of his second-hand couch. Stretching out and checking the time as his game show ended. 

10:55. Five more minutes, and it’ll only be two more hours. He told himself. Throwing his legs back off of the couch to go peer out of his peep hole for any sign of the serial killer, or gifts on his porch. Nothing. Two more hours.

So, downing the remainder of his coffee, Minato let out a slow breath and settled back down on the couch to wait out that remaining window with obnoxiously high energy shows. Focusing in on the bright colors and hyper visuals, Minato tried to put the time out of his mind. Keeping his hearing keen for any suspicious sounds, and...progressively drifting to the left.

Before he knew it, his eyes were struggling to stay on the screen, and the words of the characters were almost nonsensical.

Through that heavy fog of sleep, though, Minato felt something warm glide over his thigh. The first of many sensations to slowly trickle back in and pull him out of the claws of slumber. The presence of...someone, between his legs on the couch, hips pressed to his, and the garbled, nonsensical whispers of affection calling his consciousness back to the surface as equally as it stirred up a breath-taking bonfire under his pale skin. The fact that said someone was Ryoji Mochizuki, was the last thing to register.

Ryoji...Mochizuki. Minato’s serial killer stalker. The man who thought breaking into his house and almost murdering his parents passed as a date...

In a heartbeat, Minato’s grey eyes flew open. Fuelled by nothing but confusion and a groggy bolt of panic, the groggy man tried to see or push the person nibbling at his throat away. It was almost dizzying. Disoriented from waking up in a pitch-black living room and the chill of the AC’s cold air on legs he was certain were clothed when he’d passed out, Minato grunted. He groped around at the warm form above him until he could finally shove at Ryoji’s chest with a more coordinated intention to try and get that cursed, skillful mouth away from his throat. 

However, all the brunette did in response to that was to capture one of his wrists to pin it against the arm of the couch with the hand that wasn’t leaving an overwhelmingly hot trail from Minato’s knee to the front of his pubic area. Making the emo’s stomach flutter with a thrill he’d not felt for a year. “S-stop…” He tried, regardless of the bubbling stew of lust and carnal pleasure while attempting to blink away the groggy sluggishness and siren song of neglected needs. Letting himself grip Ryoji’s button-up shirt while the killer took a break from his siege of kisses to hum into Minato’s throat, the vibrations seeming to resonate throughout the blue-haired man’s bones. “Well, good morning, funeral lily~ Happy anniversary~” nipping the man’s sweet spot to pull out a small moan. “You’re so cute when you sleep, hope you don’t mind me jumping the gun a bit,” he added, nibbling and kissing a trail along his throat until the emo squirmed and vaguely tried to kick at him.  “Stop...wait…” He tried again, only for the brunette to sit up and lift his leg to his shoulder, making the sleepy man grunt slightly. “What the...Ryoji, don’t-” His mumble got cut off when the man leaned back down to kiss him. Drinking down the wheeze given at the shaggy-haired man being folded, before pulling away to smile warmly down at him as he let go of his captive wrist to cup his face. 

        “Relax, handsome, I just want to make you feel good. Just let those sedatives work their magic, and go back to sleep, okay?” He purred, I guess that confirms that...

On top of that, Ryoji already had an annoyingly melodious voice that stuck in Minato’s head, but the soothing warmth of the man’s gentle touches and kisses to his inner thigh, plus the haze of lust and drowsiness all worked together to make the words that would’ve normally dumped a bucket of ice water on Minato, captivating. God, but I’d listen to him read the phone buck...book…

With that slurred thought, the emo was finally drug back into the sweet embrace of a doze. Not that he properly slept, though, it was more like he was merely kept in some sort of limbo. 

Trapped in a state of unfocused consciousness that heightened each brush of Ryoji’s lips over his pale skin, or caress of his fingers down Minato’s belly, over his twitching, eager cock to a nearly unbearable level. Moans falling from the blue-haired man like water from a cracked bucket when the delicious feeling of the killer’s warm tongue pushing into his ass registered through the fog. Almost too warm to tolerate as it worked its way into him, but each thrust of the wet muscle still made Minato’s belly flutter and his breaths race.

Wait, when did he move though? A more sensible voice asked, the only voice of logic in the storm of bliss and drowsy thoughts. “R-ryoji!” he gasped, that inkling of confusion drowned out by a sudden onslaught of dizzying excitement crashing through the barrier of sedated relaxation. Rocking Minato’s entire body with the breathtaking flurry of keep going! Hurry! More! while a hand blindly reaching down to tangle into his stalker’s pushed-back hair. Arching his back and pushing himself against the stalker’s tongue when the man moaned into him and sent an earthquake of nearly blinding bliss up into the emo.

However, as much as Minato ground his hips into Ryoji’s mouth, the taller man detangled his fingers to sit back up, taking Minato’s knees onto his shoulders. Catching the emo’s hand when it didn’t follow the same way and kissing his knuckles.  “Not so fast, funeral lily. Let me enjoy my toy a bit longer.” He hummed, his husky voice making the groggy man shudder and twitch. Too aware of his ass on Ryoji’s strong thighs and the brunette’s impressive dick settled against him, instead of inside of him. It was frustrating. “I...wanna get off…” was his only coherent mumble in response. His grey eyes struggling to stay open to watch the man smile sweetly.         “Don’t I always get you off? I’d never dream of leaving my funeral lily needy.” He promised, letting Minato’s hand go to stroke the man’s erection as he continued in a lower, darker purr, “If I did that, you might go to someone else for relief, and we both know how I feel about sharing~” 

Almost a dare. An invitation for Minato to even try to hook up with someone a second time. Yet, with the restless buzz that zipped over his skin, and the bolts of pleasure sent through him with each slow, teasing stroke of the man’s hand, Minato didn’t spit back the usual venom, he just tried to see the serial killer’s soft, contrastingly friendly body that hid a scary strength under an average amount of pudge.

After all, he was a predator. So, like his voice, Ryoji Mochizuki’s physique was annoyingly appealing. With a round face, bright blue eyes that twinkled like demented sapphires, and dark brown hair he usually wore pushed back, but was now allowed to droop into his face from the blue-haired emo’s grip. If it hadn’t been for his ‘hobby’, Minato would have jumped him on sight after their first meeting..

But, Ryoji Mochizuki was still a serial killer. He got a senseless thrill out of the fear of killing unsuspecting bar goers who just so happened to meet him. He was dangerous, unhinged, and obsessed with Minato over...something he couldn’t be bothered to contemplate. So, instead of being a friend with benefits, the pretty man was Minato’s stalker. His personal amoral, possessive monster that even in his sleepy state, should disgust the shaggy-haired emo.

Yet, the only thing Minato felt was the tingle of taboo excitement and need. A need that worsened when Ryoji let go of his member to slip his hand lower and dip a finger into his hole.  “Damn, good thing I brought lube.” He mumbled, just before the drugged man returned into the relaxing in-between state. Giving into the floaty bliss of near unconsciousness to let the buzz of pleasure sink deeper.

All morality and reality forgotten in the dreamy pleasure of letting Ryoji kiss his thighs and work lubricant into his hole with skilled fingers that coiled the blue-haired man’s stomach into knots, but never let those painful knots come undone. 

No matter his whines, moans, or slightly slurred pleas, the brunette kept him just at the edge of that tantalizing euphoria. Taking breaks now and then to bring him back to earth and into the sway of sleepiness, but always returning to stroking his cock or thrusting one or two fingers into Minato’s ass. Even when the serial killer finally progressed the torment to slipping his cock into him, Minato was kept from that relief with slow thrusts and tender murmurs of,  “-so tight-” “I wish I could put a baby-” “-All mine. My funeral lily.” “No one else’s...all mine-” that only sometimes came into focus through the swirling storm of pleasure and sleep. Outside of that, Ryoji’s words were a garbled, unintelligible mess of noises that Minato struggled to even register hearing while his body jolted with each deep thrust into him.

What the hell is wrong with me? That sensible voice asked while the blue-haired man arched his back when the head of his stalker’s dick brushed that special spot within the blue-haired man, This shouldn’t be...hot. He tried to remind himself, but each growl of possessive ownership took his breath away regardless of that logic..

Their ‘relationship’ held no power here. All that mattered was the delicious sensation of being filled. Having another person’s skin finally slapping against his, and the desire Ryoji held for him was all that Minato could focus on.

Whether or not that desire was healthy didn’t matter either. The blood on the brunette’s hands didn’t matter. Hell, he could’ve been Satan himself, and so long as he stuck to that faster pace he began to set, Minato still would’ve whined like a whore with how each thrust sent ripples of pleasure through every fiber of his being.

He would’ve tried to coordinate his legs to wrap around Ryoji’s hips if he could’ve, but the serial killer still had his knees captive on his shoulders so he could thrust deeper.

      “Ryoji…” Minato wheezed, one of his hands clawing into the arm of the couch behind his head, and the other blindly feeling in the darkness until he found Ryoji’s hand to hold.  “Calm down,” The brunette purred, the dark edge of sadistic pleasure in his sweet words coiling around the emo’s throat like a cobra. The thrill of danger, and the thorough thrusts that almost drove the man into the couch inflating a bubble in his belly. The unfocused limbo of being half awake while being flooded with pleasurable friction only seeming to worsen the building pressure in his body. “Can’t. I’m-I’m gonna-!” As if the mere movement that speaking required was the final blow, that bubble burst. Washing away whatever remained of Minato’s drug-addled thoughts in a tsunami of white-hot bliss so strong, that it left him dazed, panting, and disoriented with a buzzing drowning Ryoji out.

When Minato came back to the situation, he could finally focus just enough to take in the pool of warmth deep in his belly, and the lovesick glint in those pools of moon-drenched blue that Ryoji looked down at him with.  “You’re so pretty, funeral lily.~” He hummed, gently putting Minato’s legs back down so he could freely lean down and kiss the emo’s lips with the tenderness of a loving soulmate until Minato fully gave in to the sedatives. Content with a belly full of cum and angelic kisses.

[rosesandmusicsheets]

My Headcanon Regarding Anthony Strallan’s Shoulder Injury

I’m literally crying because this is the second time I’m writing this post. Pray it makes it this time.

Warning: Long ramble below!

Photo below for reference and ogling.

Disclaimer: I am not a medically certified Anything.

I started writing this as a Headcanon/Author’s note for an Andith one-shot I’m working on. But it’s started getting long lol so I figured it could be interesting enough to share on here!

I know there exists (somewhere) a popular fanon about Anthony’s relatives but I’ve never seen one regarding his injury (please correct me if I’m wrong of course!). Please note, that these ideas were thought up by yours truly and are only backed up by educational guesses, extensive google research, and random nerdy anatomy trivia that I have because I’m into kinesiology. Also, I’m high.

Warning: mention of bullet injuries

Anyways! Below for more!

Anthony’s injury is caused by damage to his brachial plexus which he suffered via bullet wound in the back (below the shoulder). The brachial plexus (google it, it’ll make sense when you see it) is a network of nerves that send signals from the (cervical) spinal cord, to the shoulders, arms, and hands.

The main area of damage is right next to the armpit, below the shoulder’s ball-and-socket joint. The bullet entered and exited cleanly, without hitting bone or leaving a trace behind (which is why his arm was not amputated).

While his arm is often referred to as “useless”, it is not completely paralyzed. He still has his sense of touch, but suffers from bouts of numbing, extreme weakness, and a nearly nonexistent grip. He is able to move, (especially at his elbow with the support of his left arm) but it’s so stiff and heavy that he’s better off not forcing it.

The sling is only bound around his hand, and not his whole forearm or wrist. If you think about it, a sling that supports at the hand still needs muscle support from the bicep (to keep the forearm “afloat”, if you will) - which he is clearly able to do. Otherwise, his “deadweight” would cause his wrist to bend, causing more discomfort in his hand - this is where he would benefit from a sling wrapped around his whole forearm.

The reason he prefers the sling (rather than have his arm hang at his side) is because the position prevents less numbing in his forearm and hand. If he just “deadweighted” his right arm everyday, the weight would only add pressure to the brachial plexus, causing even more numbness - his shoulder would get tired faster and would probably slouch to the right as well.

In the sling, he is better able to support the weight of his arm (again, keeping the arm “afloat”) - no compression, less numbing, and less stiffness. This also keeps his bicep “engaged” daily. The only time he removes his sling is when he sleeps and he follows a detailed stretching regimen from his doctor.

Now, in relevance to my one-shot…

Let’s just say Anthony is going down a similar path to Matthew’s recovery. Nerve damage has always been fascinating to me, so I’m excited to play around with physical therapy ideas to help Anthony heal. Full disclaimer: he will not be cured 100%. It’s just not my thing. No jabs to anyone who’s gone down this path, it’s just not my cup of tea ✌🏼(this is coming from someone who insists the bullet entered and exited cleanly without hitting bone or organs lol)

I have a feeling this one-shot could turn into something more - I was avoiding having to think of some amazing plot line but now that I think about it, I could easily just have his healing journey be the plot! I’ve already thought up a really cool doctor character too (it’s me, hi, I’m the sham it’s me). It could have really extensive medical chapters with smut in between! I kid, I kid, there’s no way I could write PT scenes without angst anyway lol. I wasn’t actually kidding about the smut though… Anyways, for now it’s just a really long one-shot - we’ll see!

Thanks so much for reading if you made it this far! If you have any questions or want to start a conversation please feel free to reblog/repost/ask/DM me (or whatever it is you kids do nowadays)❤️ hope to see you on FF!

[swaggypsyduck]

hi swaggy! :)

ok apparently this is the first season of major league baseball where they’re implementing the “pitch clock” which is supposed to make the games slower lmaoo😭 so from 3hrs 15mins on avg in previous years to 2hrs 45mins avg rn

but every time they switch which team is in the field or swap out pitchers it’s a good 2-5 minute break so that’s when i was watching ted lasso lmaoo

but i’m on the finale of season two and my goal is to catch up to the episodes of s3 that r on the illegal site im watching it from before passover starts tonight and it’s no technology till saturday night lmaoo

i love that shabbat and jewish holidays force me to not use technology and take a break but three days in a row can b a bit much tbh djdbsb also i have to help my mom run the little kids activities during prayer so the kids don’t annoy their parents and usually we don’t do it during holidays only on shabbat but this year we’re supposed to do it during the holiday??? which means i have to b up and dressed and at the synagogue at 10am for the next three days and i don’t have candy to give them this week so i’m kinda fucked but that’s ok lmaooo

-american anon :)

AMERICAN NONNY!! HELLO!! sorry this took so long to answer i wanted to give u a proper reply!!

wait so u mean the average game was longer than 3 hours... and its been SHORTENED to 2 hours 45mins... thats still longer than a world cup match w extra time... holy crap. WHY??? maybe it's bc we didn't play properly in phys ed but it never felt like thaaaaaat long of a game uk??

HFMSKDK UR ALREADY PAST ME IN EPS SO DONT SPOIL NUTHIN!!

i had jewish friends growing up and i remember we couldn't plan anything w them on saturday bc its the day of rest, thats the shabbat right? but they always came w this super tasty bread on monday which i never learned the name of bc i took for granted all the times they brought it for me and now i cant find it anywhere anymore 😭😭.

uk it sucks that atrocities are committed and religion is used as an excuse bc so much of it is about community and coming together, even if it means babysitting lil kids lol. ex. at my mosque girls who aren't praying taraweeh will volunteer to do the same w kids so that they dont bother the rest of the ppl who r praying. and even then we have a different section for mothers who have younger kids so that it's all contained in one space. it gives u a sense of belonging and togetherness uk??

also i looked this up bc i didn't want to seem ignorant but i got conflicting answers online so here's me asking u my lovely jewish american nonny: if u cant use technology (which i assume is anything electrical/gas operated) do u have special ovens and stoves to cook with (ex. wooden)? but i guess not everything needs to be cooked. or maybe it's all done before hand and stored?

1-3 days w out technology sounds nice. itd be like a heavenly mandated break from the source of all my anxieties lol. i wish u luck in dealing w the children 🫡🫡 ik first hand how tiring that gets.

[sophism84]

I see you meeting your wife in Paris. She’s tall and skinny and her skins glows even when the moonlight doesn’t. She’s funny the way she doesn’t understand America, you can’t keep your hands off her. The way she talks about deep love being a part of everyday culture, the move of a hand could conjure a love that could last 30 years in her culture. You can’t keep your hands off of her cause she’s so cute when she tries to imitate your country accent. You laugh harder then you ever thought you would. When you look in her eyes, everything feels as it should. Nothing feels dead anymore. It’s a new world with rooftop terraces galore and more bread and pasta then you can shake a stick at. You’d be full, and probably well satisfied. Love would be a language that never hides from you. You’ll probably have three or more kids cause there’s nothing you’d rather do but be in bed with her laughing. And rolling around horizontally intertwining finding a place to put everything she stirs up in you that you can’t control. Sometimes I get high and day dream and months months back I thought about who we might have been in our past lives. And I though wonder if he was this person who met their demise in Paris. And what if by some cosmic endurance, his life comes together and makes sense in Paris. Oprah would call it a full circle moment lol it would be so poetic such an awesome happy ending.

Could you imagine where we’d be if I had given into my desires and kept you all those years ago? You’d come home to me trying to cook something that doesn’t taste like the last thing I cooked, the kids would be screaming about something, and you’d be sitting there trying to think of a song, cause it’s due. And inside while you’re tiring there you’re begging for a drink cause you just can’t think. You feel suffocated, you don’t wanna make eye contact w me cause you can’t hide the desire for freedom in your eyes and you don’t want me to recognize the leaving. Could you imagine not being able to speak the words you so desperately need to cause you don’t wanna hurt me and not see the kids as often. You would come to the conclusion that you’re just going through something and it’ll pass in a week. But you were burdened down w responsibility too soon. You couldn’t walk out and sit sit under the moon if you wanted. It’s bath time and it’s your turn tonight. You neeelded your 20s free from all that. You needed to get drunk w friends and girls that won’t end and to see into things that haunt you when real life gets hard. I found so much of myself alone in my 20s, how to I stop you from life? And trap you in mine? When you were already on your way to something bigger? I couldn’t handle the guilt if I had done that. I’d rather you hate me for much so much less than that. I remember crying and thinking I can’t take away his time. It was so painful.

So just imagine how worse off you would’ve been? The world is your oyster. There’s so much for you. And Paris? It’s so funny cause I’ve talked about Paris w people in the past, lol lead to song titles and instagram captions sent as daggers, so it’s so funny. God has such a sense of humor I swear. Lol

So anyway, I’m gonna be praying for you. To find the thing I daydreamed for you. Just cause I wanna see your face light up like a Christmas tree which I’ve gotten glimpses of. Your eyes dance. It’s crazy. There’s so much in them. I love it. So just wait. The things will get better:) I got you.

[kigendragon]

11. fluff or angst? 12. favorite book? 13. how are you? 14. ghosts or monsters?

•~Interview the writer~• 🫶🏻

| 11: Fluff or Angst?

So, me personally, it’s KIND OF both, while leaning towards angst. I like darker themes and exploring them and I feel like there’s a LOT to do with it, but I also don’t like ending my own stories/RPs on a dark note. I like a light at the end of the tunnel, y’know?

Some fluff throughout can be really nice, and towards the end of a story/RP too!

Basically, it’s mostly angst, but a lil bit of fluff throughout and towards the end is really nice too 🫶🏻

| 12: Favorite Book?

i am so horrendously indecisive so these questions are genuinely hard to answer i am not avoiding them i SWEAR

I’m gonna give myself a pass to include manga in with “books” (i know some people don’t but i am going to), and I’m gonna have to say either FullMetal Alchemist, or Soul Eater. I think both have wonderful stories, a soul eater headcanon between me and my cousin even inspired one of my own stories, and both I would say have heavily impacted my art.

I also tend to fixate on whatever story im into at the time (new shows and mangas basically come into the rotation and i’ll randomly get into it again lol), but FullMetal Alchemist and Soul Eater never seem to escape that fixation. I’m pretty regularly thinking of both even while I’m looking at something new!

| 13: How are you?

Tired. And hungry as of writing this. Currently at work and praying a certain doctor doesn’t come in because if he does my night is gonna be hellish. Otherwise; I’m pretty good! Looking for places for a friend and I to move to, as well as looking for a new job. I’m more excited than nervous which I didn’t expect of myself and I think it’s a good sign. So, overall, I’m doing well!

| 14: Ghosts or Monsters?

This is kinda a tough one too… but I think I’m gonna actually make a decision here and say Ghosts!

Don’t get me wrong, I’d probably be a total wuss dealing with a ghost, at least most monsters have physical bodies which leaves me infinitely more prepared to defend myself.

But my stupid scenario aside and in a writing sense as well, I feel like, at least from what content I see on a daily basis, ghosts and spirits and the like aren’t explored as much, or as well! Really i think ghosts and monsters both have better ways to be portrayed in media, but ultimately ghosts just blatantly don’t get portrayed as much, except for horror movies maybe and that’s a whole other topic.

[loverottingshit]

It’s February and though it’s what they call the month of love, I can never agree to it.

It was hell when I’ve tasted February on my tongue three years ago. It burnt until my words no longer fire up the papers, they turned to ashes and vanished in a blink of an eye. I must say, February is a drunkard month stuffed in a tombstone with cigars and alcohol— it was the worst and I’ll never forget how it tasted (not that I’ve tasted cigarettes before). I inhale February like candles lit outside the church, not each one of them was made for the world and holiness and the Lord, some are just made because they mourn for the dead and they want to repent and they’re sorry for not praying every Sunday or everyday right after they wake up and before they sleep. ‘Twas February when you told me it didn’t feel the same anymore, too. And every time February kicks in from the womb of the calendar, I can’t help but to catch a whiff of that day my grandmother’s cooking fried bananas while my cousin eats ice cream and everyone looked at me weirdly because I was crying. And then my cousin got mad at me because why the hell am I crying? Couldn’t I contain it? Because I’m embarrassing them in a family gathering and not that I could do anything about it (lol she’s embarrassing me for her whole life and I didn’t mention a single thing hahahaha kidding). Anyway, I remember how the bathroom smelt like when I sat on its floor and sobbed harder. It stings when it hits you, that you don’t feel the same anymore, and that you’re one step away from falling apart. That the love isn’t the same, worse it was trampled down— worst I understand why. It was your yearning to be alone because you were tired of dealing with the world— yet it didn’t feel right because I loved you even when the world was tiring and I decided to keep on loving you until the world gets better again. February tastes like a sack of salt, it makes my kidney feels funny and my urinary tract feels awful. February isn’t just about love. February is about healing the urinary tract infection caused by what they call love. February isn’t just about love. February is about sobbing on the bathroom floor realizing I couldn’t let this girl go, I couldn’t wait for the sunset and let her tell me she’s ready to let me go.

February tasted like a can of pineapple nearing its expiration date.

And I’m Cop 223 so I’d eat it anyway.

February makes me feel so hopelessly in love, not in the sense love was beautiful and sweet. Love was painfully breath-taking, the way it can be glorious and delirious at the same time.

When you said it didn’t feel the same anymore, I only had February to blame for it. “It’s February, that’s why it’s happening.” Ironically, it was February when you and I talked like how lovers do… so when you told me love doesn’t feel like it’s love, I wonder if that’s how the democratic people felt towards the late dictator Marcos Sr. when they threw a revolution on February 25.

And I know, if love was fighting as if it was a revolution, then love must be freeing as if it was indeed a revolution. But I couldn’t let you go. For once I was a dictator, trying to make love feel the same way again. At least, this time, I didn’t run to Hawaii.