#ppl responded like oh. interesting. i mean if you think you want that then you can

[unproduciblesmackdown]

another day another "applying the concept 'disposability' to 'someone withdraws from a personal relationship, & that wasn't signed off on by the other'" kill me

[osaemu]

GOJO SATORU: GUILTY CONSCIENCE

✩ ‧ ˚. serial killer!au: ever since that first night, you can't get him off your mind—and even though you handed him over to law enforcement, it looks like he still wants you too. PART 1 | NSFW

contents: fem!reader. porn with plot, dubcon, semi-public sex (in a bathroom), oral (m. receiving), fingering (f. receiving), pet names (detective, princess, smart girl, pretty girl, etc.), gojo cums in your mouth. non-sexual threatening. non-sexual usage of knives/guns. more plot than porn. this is not good for you btw !!! 4K words.

author's note: pls appreciate your smut writers bc this shit is hard !!!! the sk!series might be over after this one bc i'm not feeling it anymore, but nothing's set in stone yet. posting this for the ppl who wanted a part two, but personally i would've just left it as a standalone.. oh well, i didn't want 4K words to go to waste, so enjoy 🤍

“satoru gojo, what are we going to do with you?” your subordinate asks, resting his hands on the table dividing the dim interrogation room in two. you and your coworker sit on one side, facing the serial killer on the other side—who also happens to be the man you fucked in an alley two weeks ago.

ever since that first encounter, you haven’t been able to get his face out of your mind. at work, his ice blue eyes haunted your every move. at home, he was all you could picture as your mind strayed back to your time beneath him. and now, as you and your boss interrogate him, all you can think about is how good satoru’s hands felt roaming over your skin when you cornered him—or, more accurately, when he cornered you.

“i dunno,” satoru replies, leaning back in his chair and resting his hands behind his head. he grins shamelessly, looking you up and down with interest. “so, pretty girl, how’ve you been since we last met?”

you slip your hands into your pockets to stop yourself from doing something you’ll regret and ignore the curious look your coworker gives you. “this meeting isn’t about me. this is about the people you killed and the punishment you’re about to get,” you answer through gritted teeth.

satoru laughs, eyes locking with yours and seeing right through you. “that’s funny. so, who’s this shrimpy guy next to you? your boyfriend?” he jeers, grinning unnervingly at your coworker. you shoot your subordinate an apologetic look, which he responds to with a nod.

“i’m her boss, actually,” he clarifies, running a hand through his blonde hair and narrowing his eyes. “kento nanami. and i’ve been referred to as a lot of things, but shrimpy is a first.” satoru makes a face and laughs, as if he’s amused by the whole scene. 

“really? i’m surprised,” satoru replies easily. “i mean, whatever. i’ve seen better looking officers… like the one next to you.” he looks back at you, a careless smile still dancing on his lips. kento frowns and looks back and forth from you to satoru, and you force yourself to maintain a poker face in order to detract any suspicion.

“do you two know each other?” kento asks, crossing his arms. satoru starts laughing again, to which you roll your eyes. even if satoru were to tell kento what you hadn’t—that you two had fucked when you were supposed to be arresting him—you doubted that kento would believe him. after all, what’s the word of an obnoxious criminal compared to yours?

you shake your head and ignore satoru. “i’m the one who’s been leading the investigation on him for the past couple months,” you answer. kento meets your eyes and cocks an eyebrow, so you continue, “we met two weeks ago. i cornered him, but he escaped—”

“she let me,” satoru interjects, clearly enjoying the death glare you shoot at him a second later.

“you held a gun to my forehead,” you remind him pointedly, tapping the spot on your head where you vividly remember the cold metal resting against. 

“yeah, but i kissed it aft—”

“we’re getting off-topic,” kento interrupts, shooting you a warning glance. “detective, i’ll handle the interrogation from here.”

you hesitate, not liking how smug satoru’s expression is—but, seeing as you don’t have a choice, you dip your head in assent and exit the room. 

now that satoru’s been caught and is now in the grasp of the law, you don’t really have anything to do for the rest of the day. he was your case, and now, it looks like it’s closed, especially if your boss is the one interrogating him.

kento nanami has a reputation among law enforcement—he’s known as the stoic, serious man with a perfect record. there hasn’t been a single criminal he’s interrogated that hasn’t cracked, although the knot in your stomach tells you that this might be the first.

a sharp knock sounds on your office door, summoning you back from your train of thought. “it’s open,” you call, holding a piping hot coffee with both hands. kento opens the door and steps inside, eyebrows unusually tensed. his hands are balled into fists, too, in stark contrast to his characteristically calm demeanor. 

“something wrong?” you ask tentatively, studying your boss’s troubled eyes.

kento takes a seat in the leather chair in the corner of your office and rests his elbow on the armrest, rubbing his temples. “detective, be honest with me. what happened the night you were supposed to arrest satoru gojo?”

for the first time since satoru pinned you to the wall of a darkened alley, your heart drops. kento’s knowing eyes watch your every move, from the subtle twitch in your eye to the way your fingers tense around the cup of coffee. “what do you mean?” you ask carefully, surprised at how steady your own voice is.

“detective, don’t play games with me,” kento asserts calmly, hand casually drifting towards the side of his waist. you know him well enough to know what he’s reaching for—the same instrument that another man pressed against your forehead just two weeks ago.

despite your mind being clouded with fear and uncertainty, you manage to rationalize your way through the situation. what proof could your boss possibly have besides the word of a criminal? 

it’s your word against his—and you both know whose word kento’ll believe.

“that night, he threatened to kill me,” you start, repeating the story you told the authorities when they came ten minutes too late to catch satoru. “and he must’ve drugged me or knocked me unconscious because next thing i knew, he was gone.” your confidence grows with every word, and you start nodding as if you believe your own lies.

kento’s eyes narrow, and you force yourself to hold your poker face as he scrutinizes you and your words. three long, painful seconds of silence pass before his hand moves away from the holster strapped to his waist, and you internally sigh in relief. he stands without a word and makes to exit the room, but before he does, you risk it all. “why do you ask, sir?”

your boss pauses and turns back to you, eyebrows lifting in mild interest. he doesn’t answer immediately, and you tentatively ask, “...what did he tell you?”

kento exhales a soft huff of air, a look of dread in his brown eyes. “detective, for your own peace of mind, i assure you that you don’t want to know.”

well, fuck.

“i trust your judgement, then,” you reply, feeling your poker face start to slip away. you lift your now-cold cup of coffee to your lips and take a sip, attempting to hide the grimace that threatens to make an appearance. “have a good night, boss.”

“you too, detective. stay safe.”

“i’ll do my best.”

kento nods and heads out, and through your open window you watch him tell another one of your coworkers about how he’s planning on heading out early to make bread for his family, a gentle smile on his lips. eventually, he waves bye and exits the building.

you finish off your coffee and stand up, fishing out your key card from your pocket. you figure that you should head to the bathroom before you go home, just in case. a couple of your coworkers congratulate you when you come out of your office, praising you on the capture of your suspect. you take their compliments with a smile, ultimately wishing them a good night and escaping to the bathroom.

the door clicks shut behind you, and the comfortable quiet eases you at once. but before you can even appreciate the silence of the confined room, a sultry, familiar voice interrupts your thoughts. “aw, you weren’t gonna say bye before you left?”

you turn and your mouth drops open—standing before you, in the flesh, is the criminal you swore you last saw handcuffed to a chair.

“what the fu—”

satoru reaches out and grabs your wrist before you can scurry away or grab your phone. he pulls you into his chest, and you can feel his heartbeat against your back—at least, that’s what you notice before he clamps his hand over your mouth to stifle your yells.

“shut it,” satoru hisses, breath hot against the side of your face. he turns you towards the mirror of the bathroom so you can see how he’s holding you—one hand over your mouth, and one wrapped around your waist. “don’t try anything clever, sweetheart. i wouldn’t wanna have to hurt that pretty face of yours.”

you turn your head and glare at him furiously, cussing like a sailor against his hand. you eventually try to bite it, but your meager attack is essentially useless against his iron grip. satoru raises his eyebrows sternly and hushes you again, ice-blue eyes boring into your own. 

“i’ll answer your questions, honey, but be careful,” he pauses and nods at his pocket, where the handle of what appears to be a knife—how the fuck did he get his hands on a knife?—pokes out of the cloth. “okay, i’m gonna take my hand off your mouth now,” he murmurs, purposefully lowering his voice.

true to his word, satoru removes his hand from your mouth. you take a long breath and hesitate—again, there’s not much you can do in this situation but play along. if he’s telling the truth, you can ask questions and he can answer them, so you try your hand at getting some information and biding time. someone would have to walk in the bathroom eventually, right?

“by the way,” satoru starts, a grin curving the corners of his lips upward. “nobody’s gonna come save you, princess. the door’s locked from the inside.” he also removes his hand from your waist, letting you take a step back.

“how?” you ask suspiciously, unsure if he’s telling the truth or not.

satoru laughs—his hair falls into his eyes, and immediately shakes it away with a huff of breath. “i’m good with my hands. but you already know that, don’t ya?”

you back away towards the other side of the bathroom, where sinks line the quartz countertop. “why aren’t you still in the interrogation room?”

“you think you’re the only girl i can convince to let me go?” satoru tuts, clicking his tongue disapprovingly. he reaches into his pocket—not the one with the knife—and extracts a badge of some sort. satoru flicks it at you, and you catch it in midair. to your surprise, it’s the badge of one of your superiors who was supposed to be keeping an eye on satoru. the coy smile on satoru’s face confirms what you’re thinking, and his nod seals it the next second. 

“okay,” you say carefully, drawing out the word for a couple seconds. “how long have you been waiting here?”

“long enough,” satoru answers vaguely, not bothering to elaborate.

“thanks a lot,” you deadpan.

“nice to see that you’re still feisty—”

“and what the hell did you tell my boss?” you interrupt, suddenly remembering the dread-filled way kento had looked at you. the way your voice rises is unexpected enough to force satoru to involuntarily take a step back. it’s not much, but the step you take forward a second later to assert your position brings you a small feeling of satisfaction. after all, he’s only human—and all humans get surprised by loud noises.

satoru holds up his hands in mock surrender and eyes you skeptically. “you’re really worried about your boss’s approval, aren’t you?” he asks dryly, white hair falling into his eyes again. “heh, desperate much?”

you roll your eyes and curl your hands into fists—unfortunately, your action only seems to amuse satoru, but you ignore the little “aw” he coos and continue glaring at him. “answer the fucking question, satoru.”

“language,” he snorts. a second later, satoru cocks his head and thinks for a moment, and when his eyes land on you again he asks, “so, you’re still callin’ me satoru? cute.”

your face involuntarily heats up, and even though you’re sure satoru can tell, you pretend not to notice—again. “answer the question or i’ll scream.”

“you wouldn’t dare.”

“wouldn’t i?”

you don’t get the chance to fufill your threat, because satoru sees that you’re serious a second too early—everything’s a blur as he grabs your wrists and bunches them into one hand, firmly securing your hands behind your back. his chest rests on top of your back as he folds you over the bathroom counter, and his reflection leers at you from the mirror. “nice try, baby. but remember, you’re dealin’ with a world-class serial killer.”

“world-class? how humble of you,” you snap irritably, craning your neck to glare at satoru out of the corner of your eye. “you asshole, get off me or i’ll—”

satoru interrupts you by prodding at your lips with two of his fingers, forcing your mouth open and slipping them inside. you instantly attempt to bite him, but his fingers are so long that they trigger your gag reflex instead. “missed me, detective?” satoru coos, curling his fingers downwards and pressing on your tongue. a little whine involuntarily slips out of your lips, and satoru takes that as a yes. “yeah, i can tell,” he continues, studying your heated face in the reflection of the mirror. “i bet you couldn’t stop thinkin’ about me since that night, yeah?”

he doesn’t bother waiting for a response before he extracts his fingers and leaves you gasping for breath. you watch as satoru lifts his now-soaked fingers to his lips and runs his tongue over them, ice-blue eyes boring into your own. it’s disgusting, filthy even, but that doesn’t stop your thighs from clenching together in a futile attempt to hide your arousal from him.

“y’know, i think you’re wearing too many clothes,” satoru sighs, resting his chin on top of your head and smiling coyly. “wanna fix that for me?”

“do i have a choice?”

“no.” satoru pushes himself off of you and gives you enough space to start removing your clothes without his smothering presence. the idea of running away or screaming crosses your mind, but the serial killer’s smile makes you certain that you’d regret it—and that’s even disregarding the knife that’s still shining at you from his pocket. 

seeing as you don’t really have any other option, you slowly shrug off your coat and let it slide down your body and onto the floor. your collared shirt comes off next, followed by your pants, until there’s hardly anything shielding you from satoru’s hungry eyes. the feeling stirring in the pit of your stomach is hard to describe—it’s something like a mix between longing and fear, two emotions you hadn’t felt since that night.

and maybe, even though every instinct you have insists that this is the last thing you should be finding pleasure in, you want to feel that way again.

“you really coulda been anything in the world with that body,” satoru sighs, leaning back against a wall and taking his sweet time looking you up and down. his eyes narrow slyly as he watches you shrink away from him instinctually, and the next thing you know, he’s on you again, hands tracing over your skin and lips unbearably close to yours. “although, i guess it’s a good thing you’re a detective, ‘cause i wouldn’t have met you if you weren’t.”

you shouldn’t be agreeing with him, and as he lifts you up onto the counter, you also know that you shouldn’t be letting him do this. it goes against everything you swore to protect when you joined law enforcement, and if this ever got out—no, when it got out, you’d be the pariah of the city.

but even after thinking it through, one, two, maybe even three times, you can’t find it in your heart to care about much else than the hands pushing apart your thighs and slipping inside your shamelessly wet cunt.

“heh, how long has it been since we last did this?” satoru coos, eyes glazing over with a mixture of lust and adoration. his face is redder than you’ve ever seen it—the blush spreads all the way up to the tips of his ears, and it’s even more prominent underneath the overhead lights as he eyes you. “two weeks, right? feels like it’s been twenty.”

“do you ever shut up?” you mutter sourly, averting your eyes from satoru’s. he responds by curling up the two fingers he has inside your cunt, a mean little smile on his lips. 

“careful with that mouth of yours,” satoru warns, pushing his fingers in farther until he’s practically knuckle-deep inside of you. his thumb rests firmly against your clit, toying with the sensitive skin. “it’ll get you in trouble one day, pretty girl…” satoru withdraws his fingers in one swift motion with a soft, wet pop. he lifts his hand to his lips and licks off your slick, swiping his tongue over his fingers a couple times with a smile. “y’know what? i’ll let you go if you can do one thing for me, ‘kay?”

he waits for your response, raising an eyebrow patiently for you to catch your breath. it almost feels like deja vu, or some cheesy movie from the 90’s: the pretty little detective getting fucked by the big bad serial killer, and you know how these films always ended—not pretty.

“what?” you ask halfheartedly, expecting him to ask you to do something like erase him from the police records or sabotage the investigation. satoru cups your face with both hands, leaning in close enough for his lips to brush against yours, and his smile is almost mocking when he replies.

“suck my dick.”

part of you wants to ask “that’s it?”, but the glimmer in satoru’s knowing eyes makes you certain that he won’t make this easy for you. 

“what if i say no?” you ask tentatively. it’s a stupid question—now you’re just playing russian roulette with his rationality, and either way, you already know your decision.

the past two weeks have been torture. every waking moment of yours was spent thinking about the man you fucked, and every time you thought of his carefree smile and feather-light touch, you just felt guilty for wanting more. after all, when you first became a detective, you swore to prioritize your job and not make any personal relationships with your subjects. and yet, here you were, almost too eager to get on your knees for the serial killer who you swore to incapacitate. 

satoru shrugs nonchalantly in response to your question and not-so-subtly shoots a furtive glance at his pocket, where the handle of his knife still pokes out. “you’re a smart girl. i think you can guess, yeah?”

and that’s how you ended up with your lips wrapped around satoru’s dick for the seventh time (if you include every fantasy you’ve had about giving him head). it’s almost funny how he switches up the second you run your tongue over his blushing pink tip—his face goes red, all the way up to his ears, and the little breathy moans that slip out of his lips would be adorable in any other context but this.

“f-fuck, wasn’t expecting you to be this good,” he manages to mutter through gritted teeth, eyes fluttering open and shut. “where’d you learn to suck dick like this, heh—”

it’s been.. a while since satoru first helped you get on your knees in front of him and unzipped his pants, and even though it could’ve just been a couple minutes, it feels like this is all you’ve ever known. satoru’s ice blue eyes have barely moved from you since you started, and it looks like it’ll stay like that until you finish—or, more accurately, until he finishes.

satoru’s foot bounces on the floor as you lick a long stripe from the tip of his dick to the top of it, and the way his nails dig into his palm makes you absolutely certain that he’s close to cumming down your throat. “shit, don’t— don’t stop,” he chokes out, threading his fingers through your hair and involuntarily pushing down your head. “fuck—”

when satoru finally cums, it’s pitifully obvious—actually, it’s almost embarrassing. last time, you were the one in shambles when he was done with you, but now, it looks like it’s the other way around. his eyes flicker as they almost roll back from the sheer pleasure of you sucking him dry, and when satoru’s cum shoots out of his painfully hard dick, it’s a hot mess that leaks out of your mouth and down your chin. 

“y-yeah, good girl,” he murmurs shakily, reaching down and swiping his thumb over your cum-soaked, swollen lips. you lick off the thick, viscous liquid from his fingers instinctually, a dazed little smile on your face as you watch satoru tilt his head back towards the ceiling.

it’s interesting, seeing the city’s infamous serial killer like this. he’s leaning back against the white tile of the bathroom walls, chest heaving from his orgasm, and in that moment, you realize that his attention is on everything else but you. 

so, naturally, you stab him in the back.

not literally—that’d be a pain for your office’s custodian to clean up, but you extract the knife from satoru’s discarded pants and, before he can register the sharp object in your shaky hand, you press it to his blush-red throat. 

satoru’s hazy eyes widen in disbelief as he realizes what’s going on before they narrow in what looks almost like a mix between anger and shock. it’s stupid, foolish, and almost naive, but somewhere in your chest, it feels like a dagger pokes at your softened heart when you categorize the look in his eyes as betrayal. which is, by all accounts, entirely unreasonable—did he seriously think you wouldn’t take advantage of him like this?

at the end of the day, no matter how good the dick was, you weren’t about to sacrifice your well-paying job for a man on the run from the law.

“what the fuck?” satoru snaps, hand twitching in a movement to throw you off of him, but thankfully, the sudden shift in atmosphere heightened your instincts to a point where nothing could possibly catch you off-guard. you dig in the knife a millimeter deeper into his throat, avoiding eye contact with the man you just made cum with your mouth. “are you—”

“yeah, i am,” you assert, biding time. as much as you’d like to pretend that you’re completely in control of the situation, there’s only so long that you can hold up this stalemate. satoru’s stronger than you physically, and the second he figures out a way to handle the knife pressed to his neck, he’d get his revenge.

satoru comes to this conclusion about as fast as you did, and his lips curve upwards in a jeering smile. the look in his eyes is borderline insane when he snarls, “nobody’s gonna rescue you from me, princess. just you wait—”

and, with perfect comedic timing, the bathroom door opens, and one of your female co-workers steps in. you’ve never talked to her much, but thankfully, her instincts are even faster than yours.

what happens next goes by in a haze. your co-worker holds a gun to the side satoru’s head, and calls for backup. then, a handful of sleepy-eyed police officers haul away a cursing and fighting satoru to who-knows-where.

but just before he’s out of sight, satoru shoots you an unsettlingly calm look. and as if that wasn’t concerning enough, the last words he mouths to you are “this isn’t over.”

[catboybiologist]

Hi! I’m CatboyBiologist.

Formerly a femboy, now a trans woman just starting HRT, and a PhD student in molecular biology. I started using this online persona as a fun, shitposty way to explore gender a few years ago. I post selfies (generally sfw, but somewhat sexy, so minors and ppl who don’t like that have been warned), rambles about science, tutorials and advice from the stuff I’ve learned by being a femboy in the past, nature pictures, stuff about the ocean, my adorable grumpy little tortoise, and unsolicited opinions on random nerdy topics. Any pronouns are fine. I don’t plan to socially transition for a while, and still present as a man most of the time, so I’m used to whatever you wanna use for me (for now, I’ll update this if that changes). Please send me pictures of your pets or other cute animals in your life!

As a scientist, I’m also documenting my transition! This google sheet will be updated at least monthly. I also have additional metrics I’m keeping to myself, and pictures that go with this, but I’m not sharing them publicly yet. Keep in mind that this is just one person’s experience with HRT, and may not represent universal trends!

Adding a little something here, bc I think it was an interesting bit a writing: if you want to see me respond to a transphobe about what "biologically female" means, here's a thing I wrote about it. CW for transphobia and discussion, obviously.

Also, if any of my measurements look weird, its entirely possible I fucked up. Let me know if anything looks off!

Here’s some of my favorite pre-HRT pictures:

If you want to see more of my pre-HRT selfies, browse the “femboy” tag on my blog!

And as of this writing, I’m only 2 days after the start of HRT, so here’s a picture with my tortoise that’s technically post-HRT (but with 0 time for actual changes):

If you want to see my future post-HRT selfies, browse the “trans selfie” tag on my blog!

Also here's another really cute picture and fanart of my tortoise by @whalesharkcat:

I have affectionately given my tortoise the title of The Grumpus.

I also wrote a couple of tutorials and general vibes about being a femboy before I started HRT:

Sometimes I make shitposts of myself, I don’t take myself too seriously:

This includes the way I came out on tumblr:

And here’s an overly serious, long ramble about trans thoughts and things that I wrote shortly afterwards:

Later addition: Someone asked how I take selfies, so I wrote a quick and dirty guide with some tips on how I do so in response to their ask:

Oh yeah and apparently I was a 196 microcelebrity? I never to thought I was popular enough for that but apparently some people do 🤷‍♀️. So uh, hi 196 tags, I'm abusing you for my pinned post LOL

As for terminology, I personally do think of myself as a “man who is becoming a woman” as opposed to having always been a woman. If that doesn’t resonate with your experience, I totally get that! But that’s why I freely call pre-HRT me a femboy, while still calling post-HRT me a trans woman. I’m also keeping the blog name as CatboyBiologist for the forseeable future, because at this point, Catboy just seems like a gender neutral term to me.

I’m also trying to put together a script for a podcast regarding how studying biology influenced my perspective on sex and gender- lmk if there’s any interest in that! It’s probably gonna be way too long and indulgent but oh well.

So uh. Yeah. I don’t end these types of things well. Byeeeeee

[danikamariewrites]

Hello helloooo! Got a request for you if it piques your interest! Thinking of some kind of fic or HCs with Cassian x reader where reader is the type who cries when they’re talked to sternly or yelled at and generally when they’re told “no”. Like they try their hardest to hold back tears but they can’t stop the fattest tear drops from falling and whenever Cassian sees them he just melts and feels terrible. It can be totally unserious where Cassian is like “baby we have ice cream at home why do you need to get some from this store right now?” or you could go the serious route with Cassian getting frustrated and yelling. 🥹

When he says no headcanon

Cassian x reader

Warnings: none

You’ve always been in tune with your emotions

You cry a lot! And there’s nothing wrong with that

Happy tears when something good happens for one of your friends or your book has a happy ending

Sad tears when you get bad news or Cassian is upset because you just want him to be ok

The tears you always try to hold back are when Cassian tells you no or uses his general voice

It can be something so unserious too

“Cass can we stop and get snacks?” “Can we have junk food all day?” “Can we have dessert then dinner?” “Do we have to go, or can we skip the event?” “Can you just stay home with me all day?”

Cassian hates saying no to you, he truly gets no joy from it

If anything it breaks his heart. You’re his mate, you should have whatever your heart desires

His many responses include, “no, baby not right now.” “Not today baby, I’m sorry.” “No baby.”

The saddest frown pulls at your lip, your lip wobbles even though you try to stop it, and silver lines your eyes as you sadly respond, “oh…ok Cass.”

You can’t help that your tears fall, you have to let your emotions out because you hate bottling things up

Before you can start sobbing Cassian holds your face wiping the tears away

“Ohh sweet pea don’t cry. We can do whatever you want in a little bit, yeah.” You nod and give him a big hug to let him know you’re ok

When he’s serious and uses his general voice Cassian is very firm

It kind of scares you (in other situations it turns you on tho)

He doesn’t use a nickname either Cass uses your actual name

“No y/n. I said no, we will talk about it later.”

You immediately start sobbing and don’t give him the chance to comfort you

You run off to your bedroom and shut the door in his face

Cass takes some time to cool off and give you your space before he comes to apologize for being too mean

When he does come to apologize he has your favorite treat as a peace offering

He snuggles you in bed, rubbing up and down your spine in comforting strokes while he apologizes

“I didn’t mean to snap at you sweet pea. I shouldn’t have done that, I’m so sorry. Can you forgive me?”

You can never stay mad at him long (that makes you even more upset, hating staying mad at ppl)

On days like that Cassian drops everything to stay with you to make sure you’re ok

[transgenderpolls]

‘Trans younger’ ‘transitioned more recently’ are these really the conversations we’re having now?what do those terms mean exactly? Transitioned more recently. You mean socially transitioned? Medically transition? Surgically transitioned? Or just realised they were trans? Accepted they were trans but didn’t/couldn’t come out? Because I thought we were against judging people because they are trans in ‘the wrong way’?? Are we genuinely trying to play the ‘who’s more trans’ game or something? Jesus Christ. There’s few enough of us already can we just date the people who we find attractive and share interests with like everyone else in the world?

on this blog, unless otherwise specified, "transitioned" generally refers to the mental transition of realizing you're trans and changing your identity. that particular poll does also literally include options about specifying that other aspects of someone's experience as their gender are what would matter irt being in a relationship with them. and like all my polls, it has the 'it's complicated/other' option.

i'm honestly not sure how you saw the objective descriptor "transitioned more recently" and took away from it that anyone was being judged as "less trans." or that anyone was even being judged for the option that they picked. it's a poll, dude. it's a question about personal comfort. it's presenting options and trying to see how most people feel about it. what about that post implies judgment? or that anyone believes that you can't "date the people you find attractive"? when someone in real life asks you "do you have issues with any food textures" do you respond "oh my GOD can i not just eat whatever foods i want??"

and hey, for that matter, i chose the option "yes, i would be uncomfortable" on that poll. which, albeit one of the least commonly picked options, i think is a completely rational personal boundary, and not just an arbitrary "judgment." most people like to date people who they can relate to and who have similar amounts of life experience to them, don't they? i would have very little in common with a guy who's spent a significantly less amount of time knowing that he was a man and having lived as a man. that would feel similar, to me, to dating someone much younger in general.

if that bothers you, it literally doesn't matter because we'll never meet and because the majority answer is people having absolutely no issue with dating ppl who transitioned more recently. so, like literally who gives a shit.

[silverskye13]

just binged all of redstone and skulk in one go. HOLY SHIT!!! i left some comments on ao3 but that wasn't enough. i needed to come to your tumblr too bc this fic has Changed Me A Little. it makes sense- i've been subscribed to you on ao3 for a while (remember hound's tooth? i think that was when i started following your writing. and monsters splitting hairs, although i'm not quite caught up on that one), and that was for a good reason- but tanguish and helsknight are something else! part of why i like fanfiction is because i get to see more of characters i already like- it takes a special fic to get me so invested in characters i've basically just met! and you do it so well! like. the subtle character things! the way i can pick out the hermits' (and martyn's, but i'm calling him a hermit for the sake of convenience) traits in the helsmits, but warped and twisted around like a funhouse mirror? fantastic. i love it. im eating that shit up. the ilttle differences and similarities between tango and tanguish, helsknight and wels (bc he isn't acting very knightly right now), impulse and the demon- it's so cool to see! i also saw the other ask you got where you talked about your process, and how you give your characters a list of traits as a guide to writing them- i'm definitely going to have to borrow that trick. it works! so well! it shows in your writing in the consistency of how the characters behave!

some other thoughts i had while reading:

helsknight being religious probably has a lot more to do with him being a knight than wels being a lutheran irl (which is where his name comes from and i find that hilarious), but still. if it's unintentional it's hilarious and if it's on purpose then it's a fun easter egg!

i relate to and understand tanguish, because i too would want to befriend helsknight, and also because if a bunch of big scary people basically adopted me and tried to teach me how to use a knife i would be so pathetic about it.

i relate to and understand helsknight and tango, because tanguish is the weirdest little cat ever and i too am captivated by his pathetic little freak charms, and i want to be his friend.

i neither relate to nor understand wels, because 1) if i saw my friend's presumably-evil counterpart skulking around the shopping district i would likely call them first (just seems like the polite thing to do, and also bc if helsknight showed up and the ppl who found him didn't call wels about it i feel like he'd probably be more than a little pissed), and 2) look at tanguish. he's just a little guy. he's a little guy and it's his birthday. how could you be mean to him.

tl;dr: redstone and skulk has compelled me to the point that leaving comments on ao3 wasn't enough, i needed to ramble straight into your inbox because it's just so good.

Oh my gosh! Firstly: thank you for all the kind words! I'm glad you're liking my writing so far, and thank you both for the comments and the scurry into the inbox. I love hearing people's thoughts, even if I don't have the spoons to respond to everyone all the time :'D

For your bullet points:

-- I didn't know Wels was Lutheran! I knew he was ex-military, and at least in my family's trends, military and religiosity go hand in hand, so it makes sense. But still! Learning new fun facts! I know nothing about the Lutheran Church [I was raised Baptist.] Probably gonna do some reading later.

-- I feel like Tanguish is going through that phase of "all the biker/military uncles have decided I'm one of them for some reason" and as someone who has gone through that before, for the same baffling non-reasons [used power tools in their presence once, a la Tanguish barely participating in a fight once] I sympathize. Very interesting somewhat scary people. Why did you invite me to sit at your table. Why do you keep slipping me tequila and buying me knives like I'm in on the joke.

-- Tanguish is such a specimen we all just want to look at him under a microscope. He is so scared yet so brave. He thinks knives are scary but he leaps off buildings. He's scared of getting hurt and seeing blood but he has no regard for his personal safety. How do you fit so many oxymorons in such a tiny body---

-- Wels please, he's a little guy and it's his birthday! Stop bullying him!!

Addendum: I agree Jackrabbit is very Tanguish coded. It is now on the playlist.

Want to live like an animal?

By the skin of your teeth?

Put your good face on, you're foolin' no one

You're a jackrabbit underneath

One step forward, step right back

Run for the hills, honey, run for the hills, honey

Run for the hills, don't look back

[mithliya]

In regards to ppl jumping down your throat about that post (TM). 1) you're right. But 2) Like... I can see how discussing participating in sex acts with a trans woman is no different from having them with any other male is something that has merit.... But thats not RADICAL FEMINIST content. Like, is it gender critical content? Probably? Thats where it fits better. It would be more appropriate to tag it as such. But radical feminism isnt JUST gender criticality!!! Like, being gender critical is a part of radical feminism but They! Are! Not! The! Same! Thing!

And yeah, people instantly assuming that you asking "how is talking about giving a male person oral sex so explicitly (and in a way that would immediately alienate a lesbian reader... who the post is supposedly for????) is in any way relevant to radical feminism?" Meant that you were saying "female heterosexuality is unsightly and i dont want to see it and also het women need to shut up forever".

(And also the comparison of lesbians being like... I dont want posts about sucking dick to abound in the radfem tag is in ANY WAY AT ALL similar to homophobic people not wanting to see women kiss.... Like???? Thanks for being so bald-faced about your homophobia. Its not the same actually but its interesting to see that you think a minority asking an innocuous question is the same as oppression)

Dear. God. Some people on this site just fucking love to assume the worst from you and needlessly attack you about it. They bring all their lesbophobic assumptions into ANY discussion that you happen to have.

I'll tell you what a rational response could have been to the question you posed. "I think this is relevant based on gender critical beliefs that radfems hold and i wanted to share my experience with that audience"

That doesnt mean that anyone has to agree about whether or not it was a relevant post for a FEMINIST TAG based on FEMINIST CONTENT. But the way ppl responded to you was ABSOLUTELY DERANGED. Words in your mouth. Baseless assumptions. Critique based on things you didnt say. Like..... ????? HUH???

If ppl were normal the convo could have ended with you saying "actually i dont think this is relevant to radical feminist analysis. I think you should have used a different tag for this". Instead you had to have paragraphs long responses where you had to pick apart the lesbophobic rhetoric that is being tossed your way and defend yourself FOR LICHERALLY JUST ASKING A QUESTION.

You didnt even ask an inflammatory question! You didnt even ask it with intent to attack the original OP.

Not only is gender critical and radfem tumblr just.... Fucking radioactive with lesbophobia, but people *specifically* attack you with SO MUCH hostility and treat everything you say with so much bad faith. Like???? Its fucking exhausting to just read, i cannot imagine how fucking irritating it must be to experience it constantly. I wonder if perhaps... Hmmm.. there might be a specific form of oppression you face that might make you more likely to face these attacks.... Hmmm... i think it starts with "race" and ends with "ism". I have not seen white lesbians with similar politics to you facing the same backlash on EVERYTHING they say.

And accusing you of faking anons???????? HUH????? Yeah no, you -- a blog with thousands of followers who regularly gets anons -- MUST OBVIOUSLY have to send urself messages to show ppl agree with you and your opinions 🙄 maddening.

u said it all perfectly anon 😭 and yeah funnily enough it’s very clear people treat me differently, like even if ppl want to argue i’m an obnoxious drama queen or whatever, women who are that & worse still don’t get treated the same way. but if i point out maybe there’s some sort of prejudice underlying ppl treating me differently then i get mocked and belittled further 🤭 oh well. that whole interaction was just insane bc she straight up just lashed out at me & put a bunch of words in my mouth simply bc she saw that i’m a lesbian. funnily enough these things happen even when i word things in the mildest least confrontational way possible so i don’t even know what to do to to get ppl to chill out

[tea-and-finalfantasy]

some more thoughts abt characters in nsfw imagines being "ooc" and why we shouldn't worry about it BUT ALSO how to branch out/what tips to use to do so if you'd like, especially if you run an ask blog and are writing for other ppl's hcs or desires and not just your own

also discussed some in-relationship characterizations of bi-han, shang tsung, and raiden as examples! and we're operating under the assumption that these are "healthier" instances of self-insert asks (meaning i mention providing aftercare here for example which might not be important to an ask/scenario where the relationship is supposed to be fucked up)

long post/tldr at end although of course i recommend reading the whole thing ^^;

on one hand, ppl shouldn't be so concerned w writing characters "in-character" for imagines or fics bc ppl are writing them to achieve an end

ppl want to showcase emotions we don't see in canon (so they seem "ooc" bc we don't see the characters going through those things often or at all)

ppl want to see their faves doing things they're into (so when an ask is sent, it's not with the intention of asking if a character would do it or not, it's asking for content of the character in fact doing that)

plus nsfw content isn't like? an "is it in character or not" deal bc it's kink. we shouldn't have a standard for who "looks like they'd be into this" or not bc it's not about appearances or how ppl usually act--it's abt trying out different roles and having fun and getting needs met and so on

and in a fictional setting where ppl want their faves to be into what they're into, why would you not write that happening? you don't have to jump through hoops to "prove" a character would act the way you want them to and you don't have to put up with other ppl saying a character wouldn't do something just bc it's not their personal hc

but on the other hand, i think ppl should also consider, if they want, what would get a character to a certain point

quoted from another post of mine:

it’s not the act that’s “ooc” bc that’s how you get “x person is a bottom and x person is a top and i just know–” rather than like. you cannot and should not look at someone and assume something about them physically, how they act, etc. is indicative of their sexual preferences

yeah i know it’s just in fiction here and not irl but god it’s so fucking grating to hear “oh this character wouldn’t bottom” (like not even sub! someone is stating they will not get fucked in the ass bc they’re “too tough”) bc you’ve created this binary of who does what act all the time, who’s allowed to do what–

as opposed to living a little? having fun with fiction? imagining what a tough and gruff character would be like in a vulnerable state and how they got there? what they’re like giving into desires they probably feel they’re not supposed to have?

SO USING BI-HAN, SHANG TSUNG, AND RAIDEN

regardless of how gruff and cold bi-han is, i don't think he'd waste time putting up with someone he didn't enjoy spending time with. sometimes he's civil, sometimes he's not, so tempers would flare but overall, i don't think he'd hate someone's devotion and kindness and/or refusal to let him put them down

same thing with shang tsung where he'd surely enjoy someone interested in his work but he also be interested in someone who takes no shit from him

i don't see it "ooc" to have a self-insert show kindness or disagreement and for either to be a deal breaker based on personality alone

i think they're characters that both need some form of kindness and care (just bc they range from... misguided or power hungry to cruel doesn't mean that cruelty is expected in turn as a form of love UNLESS? it's havik in some iterations at least LOL)

so to assume it's not appreciated would be incorrect--

the point is to discuss their reactions to it, how they'd respond "in character" and you could go so many routes too! the fun part is to experiment!

you could write them both somewhat flustered by such appreciation, unsure how to return it as the feeling is genuine but it's been a long time since they've felt something like that. felt cared for or felt genuine love for someone else that wasn't based on what they could get in return

you could write them learning to express delicate emotions and vulnerability, learning to care for someone else experiencing hardship or grief or yearning and desire. yes it's tinged by their personalities

like if someone got hurt, bi-han would be like -barely masked anger- don't worry they will be dealt with/shang tsung would be like haha i will dissolve their living flesh in acid and you can watch if you like :)

but if their s/o doesn't benefit from that kind of violent response, it's about exploring how they learn to do what works in the relationship (while also being like ok i can kill them but how do i make dinner for my lover so they feel better. how do you fucking cook)

in terms of sex and kink, it's fine if it's not your personal hc for them to engage in x/y/z thing but if you're answering a request and don't have like. an obvious disclaimer abt what you do well or like to write/what you don't write, it can feel strange to just ??? not do it properly LOL???

but again, it's not that a kink is "ooc," it's just that maybe the set-up seems iffy? obv its from personal standpoints and it doesn't really matter but i'm assuming that's the hang up ppl have sometimes? that they don't have the hc but then slip it under the guise of "oh i don't think it's in character" which lapses into the "this is what i think a top looks like/this is what a bottom looks like" which gets problematic

with bi-han, someone could write him in desperate need of a break and easily taking on a submissive role with someone he trusts bc it's what he needs. he's exhausted and stressed and expected to be strong and tough all the time and needs the help

on the other hand, someone could write that with the expectations of being tough, of being the perfect grandmaster, he feels he's not allowed to be vulnerable or submissive or humiliated and enjoy it. he's not allowed to be anything but in control all of the time and he struggles greatly in learning to lean into the pleasure he wants

with shang tsung, i personally think he'd see life as for one's own pleasure and who is he to deny himself playing around with roles and control? experimentation is in his nature after all

but i can see him acting the same as bi-han--feeling so much pressure to appear always-in-control that he doesn't know how to let go even though he wants to

and the hang up would never be distrust of a partner either unless you're going for that dynamic. wanting to try out things and simultaneously being anxious over it isn't something they'd take out on a partner as it's their hang ups, not the offer of something new by someone they trust

sometimes some things get a pass--like sex toys might be mutually used, they might seem as commonplace as condoms and lube--while other things--D/s dynamics and not just being on bottom/moaning a bit louder than usual, anything more involved in terms of set-up or equipment, etc.--might take a lot of work getting used to

it definitely isn't easy. even with both parties trying their best, there are long breaks and tense emotions, extensive aftercare and days of subdrop despite everyone's best intentions

some sessions go well and others don't. they get anxious and nervous again, sometimes when it's something entirely new and sometimes when it's something they'd done before, just because they don't feel up to it that night

with anything, it's a process that involves up and downs and dialogue that seems "ooc" just because it's not what we hear in canon (whether that's due to it being sexual in nature OR bc it's vulnerability from characters we merely see as powerful and controlling or vulnerable in terms of anger) and writing that, exploring that, being "there" for a character in a fictional setting is what makes things fun and interesting!

in a less emotionally charged setting, if we take raiden for example, i don't think it's right or possible to assign in-character or out-of-character to kinks but we might do so depending on if how they act in-scene or post-scene doesn't feel "accurate"

so the "ic"/"ooc" assignment isn't (or shouldn't be) based on if you think raiden should or shouldn't be a dom top but if you think how he's acting in regards to it feels "accurate--" especially when the acting part of the scene is over!

in my opinion, raiden seems generally fair and level headed so if he were to punish someone, it wouldn't be with bi-han's kind of fury. maybe he'd have his moments of over-zealousness, getting overexcited (which isn't a bad thing by any means) and getting mouthier, aiming more for humiliation or chastization than calm firmness, but whatever route you go, i think it's in the post-scene/aftercare that's where you find your "in character" characterization

he'd dote and be concerned, even if his partner says they're fine, he keeps a list of things they might need or want to do afterwards, he's shy about discussing sex outside the realm of a scene, even if he's having it nightly, and talks quietly, does a lot of cuddling, asks if he did well

if a piece/answer doesn't have aftercare listed, which is understandable and it's just written/no one is expected to write anything/if you're going for an unhealthy dynamic you could understandably have certain characters straight up not providing it, but if it's intended but not written, it just might feel ooc when the scene cuts off bc we only see the play-acting

i also think some ooc-ness can come from the opposite end of the spectrum where, considering aftercare for example, our knowledge of what's important to provide to real life ppl contrasts with what we think the characters would do--either out of inexperience, sexually or with scene heavy content, or due to their everyday personalities

but again, the important thing is not to shoot down ideas but to explore how would a character deal with this unfamiliar thing?

shang tsung has enough (actually legit) remedies at this point to make physically healing easy but he's unsure how to comfort someone who's crying even if he knows he can't leave them like that

bi-han's not good with words and either needs to learn some scripts or rely on what he's best at if it works for his partner. he can soothe bruises well and can literally cool things off but he might gravitate most towards just holding his partner as hard as he can and then refusing to be distant from them even by inches (always managing to hold their hand while using his other hand to do whatever else) until he's sure they're okay

raiden worries he's researched it too hard and that he asks too many questions but wants to make sure he's not overlooking something especially out of a lack of experience. he probably lapses into topdrop and doesn't even know it's a thing, doesn't know he's allowed to need the same comfort

so in general/as tips/a tldr

there's no such thing as a sex act or kink being "in character" or "out of character" bc it's an action, not inherent in the personality

so many of these are personal hcs but this is about finding what your hc is--not abt assuming there's something "ooc" about a kink just bc it's not yours or yours associated with that character

the in character/out of character debate probably (hopefully?) comes more from forgetting that sex/kink can be like a game/can involve acting and pretend--that it's not a stand in for someone's actual personality

and when there's vulnerability that's real that seems "ooc," it's probably because obvious we're not getting characters engaging in kink scenes in canon. even if they experience vulnerability, some characters do while others don't. it's narrative based, it's main characters (getting introspection) vs side characters (not having time or desire for it). exploring something not shown in text isn't inaccurate

if you have asks open, you can write as you please BUT ppl aren't sending stuff bc they think you're gonna say it's "ooc." they're asking bc they like your style and want to see what you've got based on their ideas. it's fine to not write things for w/e reason but don't pretend it's bc u have the "correct" hc and they don't

if you want to explore it, this is about discussing what would get a character to a point where they'd act a certain way? what happens when they experience something new or unfamiliar or something that affects them in a difficult or overwhelming way? the "ooc" aspect isn't the "what," it's the "how"

but it also doesn't matter what's "ic"/what's "ooc" bc we all have our own intricate interpretations anyways AND are often writing these kink things bc it's what we wanna see. of course the characters are gonna act how we like or in ways that we need

[tadpolesonalgae]

im sooooo curious and excited to see how this will affect mor and feyre's relationship, bc their friendship in canon is smth i adore and seeing it be tested? and seeing them fight/argue is going to be so interesting 🤭🤭🤭 like one of my fav moments in the series is literally when they had a fight during the war bc feyre ran off alone to catch a suriel.. smth abt seeing two ppl who clearly care and love each other having their bond get tested is very interesting to me

also, from what we saw of the cbmthy reader so far in the past chapters, i don't think she'd have a dramatic falling out with ppl in the ic?? she's pretty much very passive but still stubborn in her own way, so i imagine that even if mor comes to her senses eventually and apologizes or tries to make amends with reader, she'd just respond like "oh it's okay, i already forgot about it!" even if she's probably eternally haunted by what mor said and i can see her being cordial and polite to mor bc she doesn't want to put feyre in an awkward situation but never opening her heart to her again or at least not for a veryyy long time 😭

‘smth abt seeing two ppl who clearly care and love each other having their bond get tested is very interesting to me’

I know what you mean? (I think) And sometimes I wonder if it’s problematic thinking on my part but honestly I think it’s a case that on a foundational level there’s something soothing to an unreachable part of one’s mind that glories over seeing two people struggle and have their bond be tested but survive? To see them have difficulties but return to one another so they aren’t left alone.

(In my opinion, obviously)

‘also, from what we saw of the cbmthy reader so far in the past chapters, i don't think she'd have a dramatic falling out with ppl in the ic??’

I honestly agree, but I don’t think that would prevent her from having a negative bond with someone? While it might not be outright aggressive, I think because of the kind of person reader is (someone who readily accepts bad things that happen to her without fight, whether they’re real or whether they’re things she’s told herself) it might make her pretty good at handling that kind of coldness? The worst thing Mor can do (and arguably has done) is confirm reader’s doubts—and reader’s already been putting herself through that hurt.

(At least, up until she tried to kill herself)

‘so i imagine that even if mor comes to her senses eventually and apologizes or tries to make amends with reader, she'd just respond like "oh it's okay, i already forgot about it!"’

Especially since that’s what happened with Az 🤦 I suppose we’ll just have to see how their relationship evolves 😳👀

‘but never opening her heart to her again or at least not for a veryyy long time 😭’

It will be kind of interesting to see whether reader allows that interaction with Mor to define all her future ones too? It was one of the few moments in cbmthy where reader’s the one actively doing something about her situation and it ended pretty badly, so it’ll be fun to see if reader will be able to move past that and do it again, even if it might hurt her :)

[first-mistake-forever-more]

how do u get out of a hole if u have no inspiration¿ u may hav answered this before nd i justdidnt see it idk

hey gringly sorry i didnt respond to this earlier I wrote out a response like two Weeks ago & shut down my laptop without posting it this post mit b a tiny bit controversial but I;ll talk from personal experience i think having no inspiration normally actually means either being distracted(which is fine)or you not wanting to deal with the Pain that comes with creation(most of us are vry pain averse) i say this because both happen to me sometimes A lot of times I dont want 2 draw or whtvr because I dread the process of plugging everything in and starting the software just for the ideas that come in to suck a lil and just really end up not feeling very good about my abilities or creativity(this is pain) But usually the only time that actual creative ideas can flow freely is when youre actually there trying to channel them

at the moments in which ur in tune with this creative part of your mind, ideas will always come and go even when you're not creating(rfor example taking a shower is one of these moments for most ppl ), but if you don't get to these points often then you have to put in the effort to get your brain to the point in which it is thinking about these artistic solutions and concepts, and you get there by creating.. & yr first idea will probably suck so Bad Lol but then you'll be free to start channeling other ideas it's possible that no good ideas come & this can be for a lot of reasons but probbaly bc youre still finding your own specific voice & dont completely know what u want to be creating or just bc yr tired So what I'm trying to say is that you should probably try making music or art even when you're not inspired because,first of all you will most likely always learn Something, and because you'll most likely get inspired while creating also You NEED to deal with your ideas bc letting ideas fester & marinate in your mind blocks new ideas from coming in, and then you lose those original ideas because you didn't put them out anywhere, so you just feel really bad, So it's important that you try to work even when "not inspired" Art can be painful and u have to learn to deal w this pain instead of constantly escaping it I think if we constantly try to avoid this pain this can actually be detrimental to us in th long run. (tw opinion)i observeThere's a big culture of self care in this regard that I don't completely vibe with(at least not as a professional, I'm sure it has helped a lot of other people). I think it makes people weaker against struggles of the real creative process oh & I'd like to state that this is just how I deal with art personally as a professional. it might not be what's best for you if you dont actually Need to b creating art to survive(sorry) but it is good i think if yr an artist to experience this constant need to put something out into the world even if ur not interested in Like turning art into your paycheck haha ty for the ask

[rappaccini]

I get what you're saying. I adore him in spiderverse though I think he's better in the comics, but I get the feeling the writers think they have to bend and twist other characters to prop him up, which isn't needed at all. Its like how they changed Miguel to an asshole, Peter is made to look incompetent and careless and Gwen's entire character is sacrificed and water down to sell her as a love interest. I lowkey get the feeling they're gonna try to make it to where Peter's more inferior than him: like how they're framing it so far, Peter couldn't do this, or that, he couldn't save this person but Miles can cause he's better. He's special. And yes, he is a great character but you don't have to water down other characters for his sake. He's already great on his own. I mean as someone who loves both Peter and Miles I think they should be able to coexist without putting one another down, but it kinda feels they're setting up the story to be that way. And while yes, hit at the critics and racists who bash Miles all you wany, but putting it to where you think he's a superior than Peter because...whatever isn't exactly the way to do it and will only make things worse.

yeah, i feel that.

i wrote a whole novel about how i hate that gwen's been watered down to make miles look more special, so i won't repeat that here.

man i feel sorry for comic miguel fans. they've been fighting for their lives bc of atsv. i have conflicted feelings about this version of miguel, because on the one hand i think the role he plays in the movie works and he's a great villain, but i still wonder if they could've come up with a different plot for atsv that didn't revolve around responding to the backlash against miles, or at least made someone who isn't another poc the face of the backlash.

peter b though... hm. one of the biggest problems with him in the comics pre-itsv (which still pops up, but less lately) is that he keeps being built up as this oh-so-special chosen one that all the other spider-ppl have to kiss the ring of (especially miles), and it's so annoying. so taking him off the pedestal and saying 'no, he's kind of a loser' is very satisfying.

it also highlights how the presence of miles in his life can inspire him to finally grow the hell up for good instead of being stuck in this constant state of arrested development. and since itsv was most people's first impression of miles, it was SO important for miles to not be following peter around with puppy dog eyes, and for peter to instantly understand and appreciate how special miles is (because if peter does it, so does the audience).

atsv is where i think the problem comes in. peter b being so benched doesn't track with his characterization. like, you're telling me a girl miles went on one bus ride with who friendzoned him is risking her life to come see him, but the guy who mentored him for days and loved miles so much he decided he wanted to be a father because of him won't? no. absolutely not. if anyone was going to sneak away from the society to see miles it should have been peter. and no way in hell would he be grinning taking selfies with his baby while miles is being hunted by the society. they flushed the miles-peter dynamic down the toilet to replace it with miles-gwen and it sucks.

it also doesn't work with the metacommentary. because let's be real: the canon events all center around peter parker. he's the blueprint, and the movie doesn't mention it at all. like, isn't that weird? there are more peters at hq than any other type of spider-person, and nobody mentions it? wouldn't peter be uncomfortable with being put on a pedestal like that? wouldn't miguel have a huge inferiority complex about not being peter parker? wouldn't this be a great opportunity for the original spider-man to tell the racist fans who won't accept miles that they're full of shit? why is he just wandering around in a robe and slippers.

as for miles being superior... i think btsv is what'll make or break it. as of the end of atsv, miles thinks he's better than the spider-society and that's why he thinks he's going to be able to break canon. he's proud of himself for "beating" them, he keeps telling gwen he's gonna be the guy who'll be different for her (he won't), he wants to be the most special spider-man who gets to cherrypick his canon events and he hasn't considered that the idea that canon events are mandatory might be the real problem. if btsv revolves around miles realizing he's wrong and helping everyone else break their canon too, i love it. but if btsv ends with the theme of 'sure, canon exists, but some people, like miles, are special enough to be the exception' instead of 'everyone deserves better' that undermines the whole story. i'm just gonna wait on it.

[dichromaticdyke]

🗣 - CAI STEALS FANFICS??? WHAT??? I thought it was just some dumb little tool 🥲, I liked asking it questions and seeing what it responded with 😔 BUT WHAT! ALSO YES, GIMMIE THAT SWEET SWEET MULTI-CHAPTER FIC PLEASE! (Sorry about the mama thing, its definitely out of affection, but I'll stop if it makes you uncomfy. 💕)

Also, what does Dr. Rockso look like in the HM!Toki universe, because I've been racking my brain about him for a while but nothing is coming out.

oh yeah i mean, just like how generative AI for images is trained off stolen art, CAI is trained off both the original source material and off fanfiction. my fanfics have almost certainly already been automatically scrubbed for training purposes. i obviously can't control what people do/if they use AI at all, but AI character bots do make me uncomfortable for that reason. i won't tell you to stop if you're having fun, that's just my opinion as a stranger on the internet who is also a fic writer.

BUT YES i'm working on it heheh. i have the first two and a half chapters completed, i'll start publishing when i have more chapters written bc i wanna try to update it consistently so ppl don't lose interest.

ohhhhhh my god. fuck. so i think rockzo's actually exactly the same. there's always some cishet men who just want to be lesbians' best friends as like vindication. best examples i can think of is that one curb your enthusiasm episode where larry david is bragging about how the lesbian community loves him (i need a source on that slkdfhsdf) or literally like. my friend's ex-boyfriend with me lol. so i think he's still like exactly the same, still a horrible manipulative, toxic friend to toki who still, underneath it all, does care in some fucked up way (fuck i was gonna give an example of that but it's a spoiler LKSDFHLSKDFH you'll understand later). there's just now the added layer of him wanting a lesbian's approval specifically because he's fuckin weird about it lol.

[questionablepastries]

large vent

tw: suicidal ideation

I need to type this out for my own sanity. But also the entire purpose is on the off chance that someone reads this and, in some way, relates to what I'm experiencing. Not the entirety of it, but a part of it, would be enough for me to justify sharing my experiences. Normally, I would have written this out in a diary but something tells me that by sharing it and letting people they are not alone would be more beneficial than keeping this to myself. To preface everything, these are first world problems. All of this spiraling - ok first off my behavior towards what is really the most minor of all triggers is annoyingly blown over. All that happened was that someone i thought i could have befriended more given time and more chats- just one day decided i wasnt worth being (and i hate typing this) mutuals with.

What made me laugh was the idea of describing my lil hissy fit emotional tantrum to my boomer absolutely not online coworkers and they would all most likely laugh about it. But the more i thought about losing this mutual, the question i kept going back to was why? why was i blowing this out of proportion? what even caused this big of a reaction in me? well first off, i was really riding on the hope to get to know them better. i really wanted to be friends with them. the great thing about online friendships is that it eliminates any barriers that would be present if someone tried to make friends with you in person. you dont worry about smelling bad, looking weird, stuttering, bad posture, etc. so truly i was thinking if our interests aligned enough and we cracked some jokes we had something, that could blossom into something cool. instead it didnt and they just dropped me entirely out of nowhere, and me being my silly self thinks somehow its my fault.

honestly though im sure they were going through something - like they would constantly post about wanting ppl to unfollow them and me going oh that cant be about me surely, nah it was most definitely about me. i cant nail down what it was though, did i not reach out enough? did i joke too much? was i too little was i too much. unfortunately, with the lack of a physical barrier im taking this as a personal fault that I Really messed something up. Something about me as a person is inherently undesirable and therefore not worth putting in the time or effort to talk to -- there must have been something off about me for this to have played out the way it did, right? I keep running scenarios in my head like oh what if i reached out more, or what if i responded in a different way that one time -- as if it can change the outcome of what has happened but. all of this. all of this emotional self inflicting stupid reaction im having stems from my own struggles in real life to make friends. this has been a running trend all my 28 years (yeah 28!) and.. to bring myself back to reality and to keep my emotions from spilling over. I came up with a good strategy.

I always ground myself by saying to myself in a silly voice as if one would calm down a pet "are you punishing yourself for having become the person you are today due to your shitty environment/upbringing that you had no control over" and "are you punishing yourself for factors out of your control Again? eye roll come on now" and thats literally how ive been grounding myself this entire time whenever i get really uncomfortable with how i am as a person in real life. and yeah honestly my upbringing sucks ass it sucks soooo much. i have no extended family and it has never been more obvious since i became conscious as a toddler to this day that my extended family on both sides absolutely does not give a shit about me nor my immediate family. my immediate family being my mom and my sister. my mom and my sister are my ONLY family. side note and i mean this semi-jokingly: if you have a family fuck you. when my coworkers talk about their uncles or their aunts or their grandparents or how they were raised by their grandparents or how they hung out with their cousins and how they went on vacations, or how they spent time with their dad. i feel this massive vacancy in my heart that is a placeholder of what i want so desperately to have happened. i feel like those scenarios they describe to me are just not possible, families only exist on tv shows, and christmas specials, thats not a real thing. it has never been a reality for me. unrelatable. all of it. and as a first generation child from immigrants (lets not even get into my dad we havent spoken to him in over a decade) my only memories are of food stamps, being smelly in school because my mom could literally not afford the time to take care of me or afford a baby sitter, my stuttering, my inability to join extracurricular activities due to money, all of it added up to my ostracization throughout the entirety of my school years.

& as a child on welfare it was very much drilled into me that the only escape from poverty is through education and i took that very seriously. im a fucking scientist now i passed the national exam to get where i am. where i failed socially didnt matter to me back then as long as i had good grades, grades were All that mattered to me. and i succeeded. but not without some draw backs. ive always been an awkward person. i have a couple of friends few and far between in person. its literally three people that i keep in contact with in real life and i am extremely grateful that they reach out to me but its also like. i gotta do better lol one of them forgot my birthday this year and the other one only texted me 'birth' on my birthday, the last one he's a keeper - we're basically brothers and he always checks in on me, but he doesnt live in the same state as me. so all of that is to say. When this person broke mutuals it kind of made me, or rather for my own sanity, seriously re-evaluate my relationship with how i spend my free time, and who and what exactly am i placing value in. this person absolutely does not care about me and i dont expect them to. and given what little we had in terms of an online friendship i guess i let my hope of a cool friendship with them blind me to the reality of what we actually had. time and time again i have placed more hope and love into online individuals that do not reciprocate - and usually they just drop the ball on me. which is like ok. im sure i was either too little or too much i can never accurately gauge how intense i am due to, you know, Lack of Real Life Experience. oh right the suicide thing, so like for the longest time i struggled with suicidal idealization - it only stopped until i graduated about two years ago. In my pre-teens to late teens i told myself that if i was in the same scenario where my mom and my sister are my only family but we were well off i would definitely have killed myself.

I decided as a pre-teen that my only worth was how high i could get into my academics in order to lift my mom out of poverty. that was the Singular Only driving factor that kept me alive. kinda. damn that sucks to write out lol but its true! that was my mantra back then and i would repeat it anytime something shitty happened to me or someone was mean to me. im not sure where im going with this. i just wanted to get it out there, that i was and still am very lonely in person, and whats funny is that im not even like ugly im just average, i hung out with my sister and dolled myself up a bit for my birthday and we went to the mall and three guys hit on me unprompted so its definitely not a looks thing - SPEAKING OF when i got into uni and moved into an apartment with four roomates i was like this is my YEAR, im gonna go out SO MUCH im gonna walk around campus im gonna go out late and do school clubs!! and then covid happened. the apartment lease was worthless. i stayed indoors exactly the same amount as i always did only this time it was justified, but it sucked because that was the time i had decided i was going to break my cycle of staying inside holy shit that fucking sucked. and then my senior year of college i didnt need to stay in an apartment anymore because i was required to be in a hospital four days out of the week for training so i ended up back at my moms. i think there is something wrong w me tho bc im not saying it was being poor that led to me being awkward. but it didnt help, and im gonna go ahead and blame my lack of a support group - family wise, my entire life, on how uh. i came out. lately im trying to reel back how blunt i am. which. uh. hmm. i actually have a large language barrier with my mom. somehow i picked up on understanding spanish but not speaking it perfectly, it improved, im way better at speaking it now.

but i could hardly communicate with my mom while growing up, and she never expressed interests in my hobbies or who i was as a person, to this day i am and will forever be a 7 year old toddler in her eyes. she still shows no interest in me as a person or who i am. which is fine with me, ive accepted that she wont change, because she grew up in a more messed up environment and this entire time only until Recently, she had been on breadwinner providing for my two daughters survival mode. um. so , like i mentioned. that person breaking mutuals just shone a light on how, broken i am as a person? you would think, without physical barriers the sky is the limit when it comes to befriending people but no i still struggle i cant do anything right i suppose. i just need to focus on improving my life outside of online spaces. people online will reach out of they want to and can so im trying to lessen my hopes in general. and um. idk im at a loss for words currently. i simply dont know where to begin when it comes to , anything? living? hmm. i only just escaped school so i feel like i can breath - air for once. im no longer under the scary pressure of - if i fail at school im better off dead- ohh i think i know what i can add - offline people are WEIRD. ive had a couple of hiccups with friends irl that i literally dont talk to anymore! one of them became a misogynist red pill guy, another guy kept trying to touch me every time we hung out! and the last guy kept telling me to fuck off when i asked how he was doing!! hmmm. yeah this is just circling back to my current mantra which is to not be overly mean to myself for how i am currently due to my , situations leading up to now. I DONT KNOW. here's hoping..!! something !! anything is nice to me!! ohhhh i remembered something else. recently my coworker exchanged numbers w me saying something about haning out with other coworkers in the future. i am so desperately trying not to get my hopes too high up. always happens tho!!!!!!!! i get my hopes up when it comes to making friends both offline and online!!!!!! and guess what keeps happening again and again!!! HAHA………..can i have hope this time??? do u know once i tried reaching out to a mutual i wanted to befriend and get closer to (we were calling each other friends by this point) on Three Separate Platforms i knew they were active on only for them to Not respond to Anything i sent? AND i didnt even reach out three times in a row I Spaced It Out like a Normal Person. Only for Them to Tell me how they were having Fun in Their Friend Group of Other Online People talking about our Mutual Interests. Do you know how fucking stupid i felt at that moment. Oh im sorry am i not cool enough to be invited to that. Am i too stupid what is it about me thats so repellent??

I know its common courtesy to not be straight to people and tell them whats wrong with them but damn i wish someone would be straight with me and Not leave me hanging UGH. I realized at that moment tho that I never wanted to BE that desperate EVER AGAIN. I felt like such a stupid asshole holy shit. I never want to be that desperate for some onlines person attention ever again oh my god,, i dont think ill ever forgive them for that. its all on me though!!!!!!!!! mY FAULT!!!!!!!, for placing Value and i guess getting my Hopes up that i could make friends again WHOOPSIES i forgot im fuckin uhhh Ultra stinko Stupid Bitch who cant maintain any sort of relationship!!! back to the ditch on the side of the road i go to drink my stupid pond water like the unlovable unwarranted piece of shit nobody wants to hang out with again!!!!!!!! MY BAD!!!!!!! SO SORRY TO BOTHER. well its whatever i got money now, i have a job. and as much as i would like to say well earning money is all that matters right? its not. im a greedy greedy jealous little sniveling BITCH and my heart will never stop yearning for what others take for Granted. SO YEAH LOL. this has felt great to type out!! if you relate to any of that...um... Im sorry!!!!! we all in this together. but maybe not really im just gonna be kept at arms length with literally anyone i try to befriend offline due to me bein a little weirdo who cant relate to anything haaa,,, i want to end this on a positive note but fuck that! This is where im currently at and this is my current predicament! Will it improve? sure if i put some effort into myself and spend less time online and stop putting rakes on the ground to step on. i literally set myself up for getting hurt everytime ill figure out a way to make the pain hurt less.

[emulation-0]

@cursedvibes ty for tagging me ik it was a while ago 😭

20 Questions for Fic Writers

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

on my profile 32, i think? (but actually 35)

2. Whats your total word count?

59,890 tho i do have like 56000 more words in orphaned works

3. What fandoms do you write for?

primarily Jujutsu Kaisen, i had some ideas for other fandoms but those remain as wips... honestly after this tsumiki one im not sure i will be writing for a while siebjfneofneod

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

there's a fire in my brain and im burning up (itadori)

this tired old machine is a-rumbling (higuruma)

the devil's after both of us (itafushi)

oh, lay my curses out to rest (tokyo students + shoko)

oh, ashes ashes dust to dust (nobamaki)

(this makes me upset im not gonna lie cuz looking back and reading these im struck by how mid they are but sjdbdkneodks its whatever)

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

i do for the most part !! i love receiving comments and i want people to know how much i appreciate it :) i also love when ppl reply to comments i leave on their fics so i want to do the same

6. what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

ummm my Curses series was more one-shots without actual plot.. and as many of those were shibuya or post shibuya they were all pretty angsty beifbekdjeodk. i wouldnt say any have this kind of ending because then there would have to be a story. but i would say the saddest one ive written is 'keep running for the sink but the well is dry'

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

'light of a new morning' for sure. this one actually had some kind of development i would say. also i have bias because this is one of the only three ive written that dont totally suck. though the tsumiki wip im working on for sure will have an even happier ending

8. do you get hate on fic?

im not popular enough for that lol

9. do you write smut?

no

10. do you write crossovers?

i had one in mind a while ago but it escaped me... i never have before but that doesnt mean i never will, even if it is unlikely

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

i dont think so

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

no but id be honored if so. especially if it was one im proud of

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

no, but im open to the idea

14. whats your all-time favorite ship?

i go through phases so i cant really answer this lol. my interest waxes and wanes. rn though im really obsessed with uroyuki and in a satosugu phase

15. whats a wip you want to finish but probably won't?

there is a shokohime wip i started two or so years ago about shoko's backstory and the developing of their relationship up until the present but at some point there was a research aspect to it and i thought 'ill do it later'. and then i never did 💀 id like to continue it but i still lowk think it will sit there.. i dont have enough motivation to do research ekdbfkenfkdk

there is also a trigun one i started, it was kind of plotless, just vibes, but i wasnt able to get their dialogue right and idk. maybe when i get into a trigun phase again ill find inspiration and continue

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think im good at describing a scene and emotions. im good at making this kind of poetry

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

im soooo shit at dialogue and even when im not shit at it i keep overthinking it and ruin it anyway lol

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i mean ive done it (but i orphaned those... lol) and im doing it now for the tsumiki wip so its fine i guess. but id only do it for languages that i know and if not, after profuse grammar checking. also ofc it has to make sense within the context of the story

19. first fandom you wrote for?

septimus heap eiebdkwbdkebd it was so bad

20. favorite fic you've written?

ill do you one better and say three... and these are the not-mid ones

light of a new morning (tsumiki and itadori)

after hours (mob and reigen)

before-the-storm bloom (uroyuki)

my writing style changed a lot and i think these ones emulate the way it is now the best

idk 20 writers but tagging @that-was-anticlimactic @zukkaoru @blackhallow and anyone else who wants !!

[neonstatic]

my given name and i have an interesting relationship. well, first off, i don't like. i dislike it, even. there's no doubt abt that. i've disliked it long before i understood i was nonbinary. it's just not a good name to me. i don't like the way it feels and tastes in my mouth. i don't like how it sounds out of people's mouths. no one has ever managed to say it in a way that makes it sound appealing. it's not a name you can sigh dreamily nor moan erotically. i mean, you can try, but however good you might sound, I'll be too distracted by the name itself. (i think i've learned to speak so delicately bc i've subconsciously wanted to sell my name as best as possible. yes, that is my name, it does kinda suck, but don't i say it so nicely?)

compare this to my sisters' names. they have sweet, feminine names that end in the letter a, and if you put all their names next to each other, you notice a certain motif. they just fit like a bouquet.

i feel like you can tell from my name alone that i'm the last child; they were running out of fkg ideas to follow the motif, so much so that they entirely dropped it! they couldn't even make my name end in an a!

i've never liked my name, always felt a little ashamed when meeting ppl bc i knew i'd have to introduce myself and see the split-second look in their eyes when they process and register (with difficulty) my painfully geriatric yet forgettable name. and it sounds so, so much worse in english.

egg or chicken? i think my name might've made me trans -- no, pls, let me elaborate: my name sounds like a typical old name, but spelled differently and thus pronounced differently, with none of the elegance and not even an a at the end. "oh, ray, why are you so obsessed w the a at the end?" bc i grew up surrounded by girls with pretty names that ends in a! and i was a little "girl" w an unpretty name that did not end in a! i legit had a complex abt that jabfjab everyone is aisha and christina and sarah and mona and then you got this mf whose name reminds you of a four-eyed mole in a tutu.

(in middle school, we had to write a story, and i named my protagonist, a 12yo girl, wayne. "that's not a girl's name," my teacher told me. "yes, it is." i said. and that was that.)

(i named that little girl after my favourite rapper at the time... y'all figure it out ✌🏾)

i've wanted to change my name long before i understood my gender. i had the spare thought that one day, maybe, i'd grow into it. i didn't like having and showing tits until literally two years ago. i think the chest tat helped. (frankly, most days i still don't. moving boobily is humiliating esp when you're a fast walker.) i've yet to grow into my given name. don't think i ever will. i rly dislike it. i'm no longer used to it either. i've changed my name at work and made so many new friends who know me as ray, and even my closest friends call me ray most of the time (or juno if they feel a lil frisky). and now i feel good introducing myself.

not only that, but i also experience ppl having fun w my name! nothing big, rly, but i do not have enough fingers to count the amount of ppl who make analogies abt the sun, the stars, or light in general. it's mostly silliness, i know, but i can't help feeling like others see that my name makes sense for me too. ray is a name that fits me. and i love it! yes, everyone does the "ray of sunshine" thing but it never gets old! never, do you hear me?! it's the best thing in the world to me!!!

(still, there are two things i like abt my given name... first, it's a callback to my parents' names. my dad also has a very interesting name but i'd rather have his than mine. another name better exprienced in french. second, my mom and i share a nickname. i found out when i was a teen and a relative called out my family nickname (or, well, one of two), only for my mom to respond. i love love love nicknames, bc that is what made me discover my chosen name. and i love that my mom and i share a nickname. it feels sentimental to me. idk how to explain it. i esp love when we use it for each other in casual. it's fun and lovely.)

[clemencetaught]

get to know the author!

name : ferre

pronouns :  they/them

preference of communication : discord, but i can do tumblr ims. honestly, i’m slow on both but i’m a tad quicker to get back to ppl on discord….although again, these days i prefer to keep my discord to solely those whom i feel ooc wise comfortable around!

most active muse :  this guy ( patrick ) clawed his way into single muse blog status with the number of times he gave me brainrot on my multimuse so i’d say it’s probably patrick :’D

experience / how many years :  like about on-and-off for about 8 years? i did do a little bit back in 2013 in quizilla ims which was my introduction to rp before i started formally on tumblr in 2015….that being said i was on-and-off for about the first three years until in 2018 when i made calum- he was the first muse of mine that actually like, stuck :’D that being said, i did also take like a year hiatus in 2020 before coming back in 2021 so uh….eight years might not be the most accurate number jfksdljfkl

best experience : this attempt so far?? Has been so wonderful and i wouldn’t change any of what has happened for the world- my mutuals and writing partners are so skilled and friendly and patient and LITERALLY some of their muses have managed to elicit responses and character development from my muses that i would have NEVER imagined :’D but if we have to go specific….maybe it’s the hunger games au verse i dragged some ppl into?? the plotting and characters they have come up with is PHENOMENAL and wow, i’m gonna stuck to them all like super glue for 5ever <3

rp pet peeves : so many! my biggest ones, however, are self-centered and inconsiderate partners: those who disregard my rules, those who talk only about their own muses in every thread and plotting interaction, those who only seem to take interest in my blog(s) when it involves receiving writing from me. That and blogs that follow first but never make a move/any indication of interest, not even a like on my posts….no offense, but i’m not chasing after you. Other pet peeves include facechasing, trauma dumping ( ooc and ic ), and drama. oh, and partners who just don’t?? Respond to my attempts at some kind of ooc interaction- it can even be in tags, but if you’re not saying anything then that kills my enthusiasm very quickly.

fluff, angst, or smut : see, i want character development and exploration in my threads so i don’t think it’s fair to split up threads into these categories bc if done with intention, you can learn something new about your muse and your partner’s muse in any thread ( and yes, that includes the crack threads- DON’T UNDERESTIMATE ME :D ) i will say though, smut is highly unlikely here just bc patrick is demisexual + it’s gonna take like 2839402384098 years for him and hyuk to look at and act on each other in that manner :’D

plots or memes : plotting <3 but memes are good for starting off plotted dynamics tho!! most times, however, i’m not a fan of first meetings either. I like to have some kind of dynamic/backstory to go off of and would rather not overstep any boundaries so you’re not really a plotter… we might not be a good match. 

long or short replies : see, patrick is a literature professor. for someone softspoken and reserved, he has a TON of thoughts and opinions so whenever i do try to keep things short and sweet, he bucks against it and will give me at least three paragraphs….over 1000 words too. we’re very ( not ) sorry :’D

time to write : depends on what’s happening at work and what my mood is. I do try to do my writing in the afternoon/morning though as most days i feel like i haven’t done anything productive/meaningful until i’ve written at least something.

are you like your muses : hahahaha, nah. I mean, we do have similar interests ( ie. literature and working in higher ed ), but personality-wise he’s much more stiff and erudite than me :’D i will say i think all characters we write do have pieces of ourselves in them, otherwise they’d never be able to grow, but for the most part, no i don’t think i’m really like patrick <3 at the very least, i'm not nearly as repressed as him fjskdlfjsl

tagged by: @wynterlanding ( thank you so much ♡ )

tagging: take it if you would like!! i'm would be curious to see how you describe your own rp style :3