#ppl in love are SO DISGUSTING

[gunsatthaphan]

🍒🫶🏻

[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

[luck-of-the-drawings]

ANCIENT wip that i finally got around to splashin color onto. NO idea where this colorin style came from n it WONT happen again!! anyway i LOOOVE the general dynamic between arthur n emizel. both are so cool and so awesome and yet SO silly...

[youareunbearable]

Its late and im tired so please excuse if this doesn't make sense but lately, I've been thinking about Angry Aredhel must have been

Like realistically, when has this woman made a single decision about her future for herself, and in the few times when she did, when did it not end in tragedy

She must have been so angry, so frustrated and wrathful at her lot in life. She was meant for other things, greater thing! She was a disciple of Orome, the Maiden in White, one of the best hunters in his group along with her cousin.

Yet here she is, caged and trapped like a pretty little canary in a wire house. Stolen from her purpose because of her eldest brother's blind loyalty, her father's stubborn pride, her second oldest brother's blinding grief, and her baby brother's terminal bravery. She's across an ocean, escaped one cage for another by her tormentor and abuser posing as a husband.

The bastard won't even name their child.

She must have be so angry, stuck in that endless darkness, the forest must be such a familiar landscape but so different, twisted and wrong like looking into a warped mirror.

Shes grieving outside her "home" one night, having managed to convince the trees to part their branches just enough that she can glimpse a star or two so she can bask in the starlight. Its been a year since the birth of her son, and nothing has changed. Eol won't look at the boy, and she can feel herself drifting. Without the ability to see the passage of time, without the Light of the Trees or with the Sun and Moon chasing each other across the sky, things are blending together and she feels adrift.

At least when they crossed they ice, they were able to watch the stars move across the endless dark.

The starlight warms her skin, as weak and distant as it is, so she basks. With her eyes closed and face tilted up she feels like a lizard in the mid day sun. Behind her, she hears a noise, a twig being deliberately stepped upon. Aredhel whips around, raising her glowing lichen lamp, wondering if its her husband or one of his servants come to take her back. She feels a little feral at the idea of being dragged away from the pitiful starlight.

A wolf, with a pelt as crisp and clean as the snow dusting Himring's mountain top, slinks into the soft glow. Its fur takes on an almost sickly colour in the green luminescence. The wolf settles at the edge of the light, resting on its haunches as it observes her.

Aredhel thinks she's beautiful, for it is a female wolf. Even in the weak lamplight the beast's silver eyes seem to glow on their own, piercing her very fea and enticing her to come forward, to come closer. There is a power within the she wolf, one Aredhel craves.

The white beast introduces herself as a member of Orome's hunt, and Aredhel believes it, for the she wolf looks like the perfect hunter. The wolf asks her what she, as a fellow hunter, is doing out so far away from her kin and cub.

Momentarily surprised by the ability to speak, for not even Huan can speak so freely, Aredhel responses. She shares her desire for light, her frustration with her "husband," and how she wants a different life for her son. She never wanted this, and she wishes she had the ability to take control of her own fate.

The wolf is sympathetic to her plights, and offers to help her free herself and her child.

"You do have the ability to change your own fate, young one. Asking for help is something no one else could have done for you."

So Aredhel leads the wolf back to Eol's house. They walk through the entry way, both hunters are silent as the dawn as they go. Aredhel heads towards the master bedroom, but hesitates at the door. She can see Eol on his side of their bed, snoring lightly as he does. She hesitates, seeing a vision of what will happen once he realizes she's gone. Fire, doom and death follows her, poison and a flash of fang would flicker in him before he strikes her down for disobedience, for stealing away the son he won't even name.

The wolf nudges her aside, ghosting past her into the room. Aredhel's throat closes up and she slinks away, heading towards Lomion's nursery. She leaves to go strap her sleeping infant son to her chest, then grabs some supplies from the kitchen in a bag. Not even hearing a mouse skittering in the walls, let alone her wolf companion, she steels her nerves to check the master bedroom one more time.

As she passes her bedroom, she can see through a crack in the door and her breath freezes. Standing over the now corpse of her husband, maw dripping red from the freshly torn out throat, the white wolf looms. Aredhel stares transfixed, she can almost taste the blood between her own teeth, feel the rush of the kill, ache of her gums as tendons and tissue would rub against them. The wolf turns to look at her, silver eyes wild, white fur stained with her kill. Aredhel feels the air return to her lungs, she feels lighter and free, a little giggle slips past her lips and the wolf peels back its lips and bares its dripping fangs in a smile.

Aredhel leaves the house, fleeing on foot and all the while she can hear the wolf following her, keeping pace and shadowing her in the darkness, and at some points, ahead of her, leading her out of the woods. Running like this, oh she hasn't done this in years!. The wind snapping at her hair, branches and leaves kissing her cheeks and arms, the rush of a completed hunt with another one ahead of her feels like her first real breath in a long time. It feels like days later, and seconds, heartbeats, when she can see the treeline, dawn's hazy reddish glow peaking through the trees.

Aredhel gives a joyful cry and runs faster. That laughter bubbling up inside of her finally bursts past her lips once she breaks the treeline. The sun on her skin is warm and bright and all she wants to do is laugh and cry and scream until her throat is raw and her tears run dry. But she has to keep moving, she has Lomion still with her, and she is too close to the woods to feel truly safe yet. She walks north, and east, not really knowing where she's heading but knowing that she'll cross into her cousins' land soon. As she walks, she soon realizes that she hasn't seen or heard from her she wolf in a while. Stopping, Aredhel turns to look back, but no where can she see that brilliant white coat, or any tracks that look like wolf paws. She squint, looking back at the distant treeline and sees nothing but shadow. She mourns for her companion, wishing she could have wished her well or at least thanked her for her help. She wonders if Orome set the wolf to free her, not wanting to see one of his hunters in chains.

Its about mid morning when she comes across some of her cousins men, and they're horrified. They ask if she's ok, of she's hurt, they take her to a nearby stream even though she insists she's fine, that she wants to see her cousins.

When she sees her reflection she's scared for a moment. All she can see it blood, dried and crusted down her throat, staining her lips and chin. There is red all along the collar of her white dress, her sleeves, but her hands are clean, and so is her son still asleep strapped across her chest. She looks into her reflection, not yet comprehending. Silver eyes that seem so familiar stare back above the red, above the proof of her freedom.

She bares her bloody teeth in smile.

[n0heart]

.

[uzi-x33]

i went to a local autumn festival today and they had her at a booth:3

[allthegothihopgirls]

i can't lie i get so annoyed when i see ppl claim to idolise female artists like sylvia plath, fiona apple etc. but then actually idolise the exact aesthetic the artist has spent their whole career warning everyone about.

[edgelordtozier]

sorry but alicent hightower isn’t “ruined” this season. you people just never understood her in the first place and think of her as something she’s not lmao.

of course she’s a hypocrite, she has been the whole time. her holier than thou persona is a facade. she wants freedom of choice and, with that, sexual liberation. she gets that now with criston at the price of her own shame and guilt tied to her faith, which is real (criston’s faith, at least in the seven, is NOT, but yknow. for another time). her going for what rhaenyra got and what rhaenyra had the freedom to partake in is not character assassination lmao. It’s what’s been set up this whole time. she’s not this saint that she and her stans claim her to be. she’s variably flawed CLEARLY (which is what makes her a good character) but isn’t going to stray away from the exact thing she claims to hate.

“duty and sacrifice” and “honor and decency will prevail” are shown to the viewer to be hypocritical statements. fucking obviously. why did anyone take that at face value LMAO. All those things are what alicent herself has been forced to align with since she was a child made to marry viserys. she wants rhaenyra to ALSO fit that mould and to feel that misery that she’s felt, just as she wishes she had the freedom rhaenyra has. that doesn’t mean she believes in these ideas. she clearly goes against them; that’s her character. she believes that she believes them, but her desire to leave the mould outweighs that time and time again.

to say that she’s an outlandishly different character in s2 after seeing one singular episode is insane. she’s the same. she and criston is not a left field decision, nor is it a particularly bad one, even if it did feel abrupt (which is more a pacing issue). alicent and criston’s joint hypocrisy has been pointed out the entire time. to further highlight it is not bad writing or character ruination. you just didn’t understand them in the first place. Alicent isn’t a blushing nun. she’s a woman whose old decrepit husband is finally dead and now has the freedom she didn’t get at 17.

[skylarbee]

the day am fans realise that miles/milex shippers are less problematic and harmful to the fandom than lv/her supporters will be one of the best days of my life

rant incoming because I'm going insane:

i will never ever understand why am fans have so much beef with milex shippers.

i have been in SO many fandoms throughout my life, I've been obsessed with SO many bands whose members are shipped to the point of insanity, and it was never a problem. sure, some people didn't like the ships, but why are so many am fans acting like this is something unique? bts, mcr, dan and phil, harry potter, I've seen fucking everything. every other fandom in the world are just this obsessed with their ships, trying to prove that two men are fucking, posting theories and so on. shipping was always a thing in fandoms and always will be, especially if we're talking about male celebrities and teenage girls.

having said this, the kind of fandom i have never been in is one where grown ass women bring this much toxicity to the community and behave like children. there are hundreds of celebrities whose girlfriends are not liked by the fans, but no girlfriend ever engaged this much with the haters, probably because they realised that it would only make things worse, and the fans would hate them even more.

we could've had some peaceful end of the tour content, but no, we have this instead. every few months something has to be done by a certain someone in order for people to pay attention to her, and so that in the end fans will forget the reason they're fans and engage in stupid shit like this, defeating the whole purpose of being a music fan.

all this drama is slowly making me not want to have anything to do with am or the fandom anymore. if not for miles and him being connected to am, i would've stopped giving a fuck about alex years ago (technically not through his fault, but then also because of him). this whole thing just makes me sad because miles does not deserve to be associated with these people and the fact that he will never be able to get rid of them is so not it.

[clarabowmp3]

I’m sorry I genuinely cannotttttt understand how some ppl bash joe even in a joking manner. Like the poor guy did nothing wrong (that we know of) but so many ppl are making such snide remarks by comparing him to Travis which is not only condescending but actually kind of mean! HELLO did we listen to the same reputation album??? You can’t praise Travis for letting Taylor bejeweled and then rip joe to shreds in the same breath when joe was the one there for her in a clearly difficult and trying time in her life

[theprinceandthewitch]

The biphobia coolaide never fails to smooth out peoples brains...

[cinnamonisclown]

[lyshasgf]

Seeing people get pressed at ships is so funny to me. "It'll never be canon!" Yea that's why they're called ships lol they were never supposed to be canon.

This goes with headcanons too

"___ is not (sexuality)" Ok ig? They're HEADCANONS.

This especially with Gwen. A lot of people hc her as trans or lesbian and that's totally fine!! People don't have to follow all your hcs.

It's totally alright to have your own hcs, people are having fun and shipping the people they like!

These obviously don't count for Proshippers!!

[urahara-lovepage]

bleach media literacy is actually just a measure of how you read urahara as a character

[realsafari]

i forgot that certain types of jokes REALLY arent funny and i made 2 yesterday after being told the first time that it wasnt funny uhhh...

yeah um.

this week is not going so fun.

[holymolyfizzie]

stolas, self-awareness, & self-help

the narrative i keep seeing is that Stolas has little self-awareness, but idk how much i believe that really? or at least, i really don't think that Stolas is actively trying to be oblivious. it's been clear for a while now that Stolas is trying to understand what's going on. we can go back to the texts from after the night at Ozzie's of Stolas asking Blitz to talk, but honestly we have so much of him saying upfront that he wants to understand what's happening between him and Blitz exactly

i mean, take "Just Look My Way" as a case. this is a song where Stolas makes it clear that he is aware of the privilege differences ("I don't care that you're of lower station... Scorned by a realm that cannot comprehend what you are"). and we see that again when he realizes Blitz and him are in an unfair relationship due to the power imbalance, then actively works to make sure Blitz can leave at any moment without jeopardizing his livelihood. but he also makes it abundantly clear that he knows there's something missing and wants a dialogue with Blitz. a dialogue that Blitz is refusing to engage in beyond, frankly, assumptions and mockery. Stolas has reached out time and again, and he's so upfront here about wanting to understand the whole context!! he's missing knowledge. but it's a leap to say that he's completely not self-aware. and we have it again in Apology Tour:

Stolas is still saying that he wishes he understood more, that he wants a dialogue! Stolas is a self-aware birdy, enough to gather that he has knowledge gaps, but he doesn't know how to get that knowledge except for the words that Blitz has refused to give him so far. he is holding so much evidence (memories) at once in his head, but Stolas is also clearly someone that is trying not to make big assumptions (like Blitz does), so he's not understanding the evidence given to him in terms of a narrative. Apology Tour is about giving him the narrative that Blitz is an abuser and doesn't care about him (obv we know Blitz does care, and it's clear that Stolas pieced that together himself as well, at least before the party), but even now he has doubts in his gaps in knowledge. that's not an oblivious person to me -- it's someone who's uninformed but trying his best with the info he's been given

Also. Stolas has been going to a therapist, or getting self-help in some other way. we should know that already because he has meds for his depression. he has some form of help outside of what we see on the screen. but Apology Tour has really showcased how he is using "therapy talk" to express his feelings. because, for those who don't know, when it comes to couples counseling especially, it's encouraged to use "I feel X" statements when communicating:

compare this to how Blitz uses so many "you" statements (You want me to show your rich, prince-y ass what a real fuckin' is. / You get off by being plowed by people you look down on). when Blitz speaks, you can hear the automatic assumptions, and it's a stunningly clear contrast to how Stolas only speaks about what he knows

and then there's expressing how he knows Blitz doesn't need to reciprocate Stolas's feelings and actions, but a dialogue is still necessary if they're going to try and make things work. Again, this is very much the signs of someone who is seeking outside help to understand the situation:

And as much as I know we like seeing Stolitz again, Stolas has set his boundary over and over and over again in these past 2 eps. a boundary that Blitz keeps breaking. But Stolas is still communicating that he's uncomfortable in the best ways he knows how, in spite of the alcohol and pain:

we need to take a moment on that! Stolas is self-aware enough to know his boundaries and to communicate them. It's frustrating to see them broken (which is NOT Stolas's fault, Blitz shows up unannounced and even broke into his home! what the fuck!), and it really puts Blitz into an abuser role right now. but stolas has been setting healthy boundaries.

(also for the whole oh he wants a romcom, it's unrealistic. no, he is not that delusional. he literally acknowledges in Apology Tour that he knows romcoms are fake, but that he still wants a loving relationship. and he gets so excited when someone asks him to dance!!! Stolas doesn't want some huge romcom -- he wants to know what it's like to be actually loved, even in the smallest ways. don't come at me about Stolas being romcom-delusional, he's not. such a non-starter)

Stolas is a gay man who has always known he is gay. He was literally forced into an abusive, hetero marriage that he didn't know he could escape until very recently. he has some 2 decades worth of relationship trauma and having his boundaries violated by his own father + Stella. but he is still getting some forms of help and working on growing as a person who can hold a healthy relationship that includes healthy communication. he is reaching out to Blitz, asking for clarification, and asking for boundaries to be respected with the tools he has

and frankly, speaking as an abuse survivor myself, Stolas is incredibly self-aware. it's such a huge step forward to know what your boundaries are and actually set them after getting out of an abusive situation (Blitz is yelling at me? i can leave this time). and not only to know his own boundaries, but to understand that Blitz also has walls up because of his status in Hell. Stolas knows how he feels, and he is really fucking trying to understand how Blitz feels

should he try again to apologize for the contractual relationship and earlier treatment? yes, of course. but. Stolas has been trying for several episodes now to work this out, and he's hit a wall. he can go no further on his own with this relationship. all he can do is try to move on from what has, honestly, become another abusive relationship for him

I'm sorry but that's not an oblivious birdy. Stolas has grown so much and is so self-aware, actually. he's simply not getting the communication he needs to sustain this relationship anymore

so to Vivzie's "Stolas still not quite being self aware enough at times" in the ep description: prove it. because i'm not fucking convinced Stolas is that bad off.