#pov: red
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frownyalfred · 4 months ago
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thinking about the expert masseuse Alfred hired for the family that is paid a small fortune annually to provide massage services and ignore so, so many things. No questions, no remarks, just quality service and an ironclad NDA that, if broken, would probably topple said masseuse’s entire family line.
Things Alfred is paying them to ignore, in no specific order:
Bruce’s spinal hardware courtesy of Bane :)
weird amounts of muscle on everyone, even the kids (despite them allegedly not working physical jobs)
scars
FRESH scars
the fact that every joint in Bruce’s body clicks when moved/manipulated at the tender age of 42
Olympic athlete level physiques
rotator cuff injuries across the whole family
scars that are definitely from bullets and/or acid splashes
old signs of what looks like torture (Bruce)
Dick’s entire left arm is basically screws and plates (he “fell really bad” once)
every single family member takes deep tissue massage with max pressure with 0 complaints
calluses
no really, the weirdest fucking calluses
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betaminshitto · 7 months ago
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"i really am a coward, huh" - shanks probably
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ashoss · 8 months ago
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let tim dunk on batman its funny
w/o text under the cut :3
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sisaloofafump · 1 year ago
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Half-mask Mask Bats
Alternate cropping:
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tacccalb · 7 months ago
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MOUNTAIN DEW RED!
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averagepikminenthusiast · 1 year ago
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POV: You’re playing ball with your red pikmin
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0ketinha · 2 months ago
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they are so smart
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milesfingers · 8 months ago
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I hope no one has done it yet
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zhukzucraft · 2 months ago
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=====>
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Joel: Lizzie? What's wrong?
Lizzie: Food! Do you have any food!?
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Lizzie: Thank you, I don't know how you all dealt with soulmates before, taking random damage like this...
Lizzie: ...
Lizzie: Did either of you almost die recently?
Joel: Nah.
Bdubs: Nope.
Lizzie: We aren't soulmates?!… Thank goodness!
Joel: Lizzie...
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Lizzie: Joel… you speedrun your way to red like it's some sort of competition…
Joel: I'm not competitive...
Lizzie: Mmmhmmm, I’m sure you aren’t~
Joel: ...
Lizzie: I'm just saying- there's a reason I won Tango's betting game: I considered betting against you less of a bet and more of an... investment.
Joel: Yeah! Well... I directly took more lives from you than you did from me!
Lizzie: You sure did Mr. "not-competitive", I think you are also in contention for first in most self inflicted deaths.
Joel: I'm just- I am just giving everyone a better chance at winning, because I'm so magnanimous and not competitive...
Joel: ...where did Bdubs go?
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Joel: Bdubs! Hurry up! We're leaving!
Bdubs: Yeah, yeah. One second.
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Bdubs: So, what were we talking about?
Lizzie: How Joel is probably a reckless soulmate,
Bdubs: Hah! Got that right! He got Etho killed day one!!!
Lizzie: Why am I not surprised?
Joel: It was night two!... and I didn't get us killed after that!
Bdubs: Nothing like the great soulmate, me! Just ask Impulse!
Lizzie: I'll be sure to ask him how Double Life was next time I see him~
Bdubs: Oh, right. That's right! He will tell you I was the greatest soulmate of all time!!
Joel: Better than Etho?
Bdubs: ...of course not, but better than you!
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Start Over -- Go Back
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frownyalfred · 6 months ago
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I know the Bats drive around Gotham like they stole their ride and they’re getting chased by the GCPD, but imagine the absolute hilarity of stopping at a red light one night and there’s Red Hood idling on his bike with what looks like Nightwing on the back. And they’re just…waiting for the light to turn green? It looks like they might be chatting with each other too?
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stormz369 · 2 months ago
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☕💖 Can I Get Your Number? ☕💖 Ch 1
Jason Todd x Chubby! Reader (fem) A/N: I don't know what I'm doing here, I'm not even much of a DC fan, but Jason Todd has quickly become my latest hyper fixation character (Harley Quinn too, do I just have a thing for Joker victims???) so ... thank you for giving me a place to put this energy I guess! 😂 I'm not super confident on the characterizations, but I'm going with it because I like it. If it's wildly ooc ... that tracks, given that the only DC comic I've read is Batman: Wayne Family Adventures. Read it, or don't, I just needed to get the thoughts out of my head. The art doesn't belong to me, but the writing does. Please do not post elsewhere!
written with a female reader in mind, first person pov, no use of Y/N, starting out fluffy, will probably get NSFW later so minors DNI, let me know if there's anything else I should tag this with!
word count: 1.7k
Chapter Selection
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In a city known for its masked fighters, you learn pretty quickly that everyone and everything is a potential threat. Every approaching stranger on the street, every loud sound behind you, every dark alleyway. Being bigger than me certainly isn't a prerequisite to being a danger, but it does have a way of setting off my mental alarms. I've found that big men are used to getting their way, and they get all sorts of bent out of shape if you deny them their wishes. Especially when they think they're doing you a favor.
It died down a bit after high school; I learned to exist in public with ‘fuck off’ stamped across my face. Headphones on, reading a book, intentionally seated at the table furthest from the other cafe patrons. All the typical signs of someone who wants to be left alone; nothing about me said ‘please come talk to me'. So I was understandably on edge when I noticed someone standing by the chair across from me. I look up just a bit, gesturing to the chair with a nod. Silent consent to take it back to his table and leave me to my book.
No such luck. The man simply smiled and mimed taking headphones off. Putting a bored look on my face, I moved one off my ear. “... Hm?”
“Hi! I'm sorry to bother you, but my brother thinks you're really beautiful and is refusing to come tell you himself.” 
I could feel my expression turning to stone. “... What is this, middle school?”
His cheerful grin faltered ever so slightly; “hey, I know it's a bit silly, but he's awkward around cute girls, so what's a brother to do, ya know?”
I stared him down; “... You're not fooling anyone. Move on.”
“... Sorry, ‘fooling anyone’?”
“It’s not funny, it’s not even hurtful the 20th time, it's just annoying. Go. Away.” It was a lie; it was always painful to be on the receiving end of these pranks. But that was what these guys wanted, so I wasn't going to tell him that. My headphones back in place, the guy slunk away.
Ten minutes later, another person was standing by the chair. I pretended not to see him, continuing to read my book, until he plopped down in the seat. I looked up slowly and he smiled, another oddly warm smile, leaning forward on his elbows.
An incredibly put-out sigh later, I slid the headphones off one ear again. “What?”
“Hi, I'm Tim! I'm not sure what exactly my brother said to you, but I wanted to let you know - we're not trying to prank you or something. Our brother is just way too awkward with girls. It's painful to watch, really, so we figured we'd give him a hand.” He spoke much too fast for me to get a word in. I blinked a bit, raising an eyebrow.
“... You frat boys are really committing to the bit these days, huh?”
“Huh? No, really, I promise!”
My headphones were nearly back into place when a child showed up. His impatient expression matched how I felt about the whole situation. “As usual, Drake, your plans are far too convoluted to be effective. Watch and learn.”
He turned to me, nothing about his demeanor changing; “hello. Todd said we shouldn't bother you because you ‘clearly want to be alone’, but I am convinced the only way to stop their nonsense is if he comes over. May he have a moment of your time?”
Frowning a little, I stared at the kid. He stared right back, neither of us blinking for a solid minute as we sussed each other out. His expression barely changed, but the boredom in his eyes turned into determination. “... Well, you're definitely not a frat boy. So I'll make you a deal; you may report back that he has permission to come say hi. If he doesn't choose to, that's the end of this little charade. And if either of them” I gestured to the one sitting at my table; “comes back over here, I start stabbing. Got it?”
The boy nodded once, and I thought I saw a ghost of a smirk. “You have my word.” He dragged the other man out of the chair by his shirt, pulling him stumbling toward their table. That was when I saw him. The only person at their table who hadn't come over yet. Even hunched over the table he was enormous, probably close to six feet tall; exactly the kind of man I typically avoided. The kid spoke sharply, pointing in my direction, and his head shot up to look in my direction. Even from across the spacious patio, I could see his face turning red. The obnoxious, cocky smirk I was expecting to see was entirely missing; instead he seemed almost confused.
Headphones back on but turned off so I could hear if he approached, I returned to my book. But I only got through a few pages before the first one shouted; “and offer to get her another coffee or something!”
I looked over to see the tall one frozen halfway between our tables, a look on his face like he was considering jumping over the patio fence to get away. His demeanor reminded me of a lost puppy, and I couldn't help the chuckle that rose up out of my throat. I bookmarked my page, set the book aside, and slid my headphones down around my neck. I really thought he was about to bolt until I lifted one hand, curling my fingers to gesture for him to continue toward me.
He stopped short by a good several feet, eyeing the distance between himself and the chair, and took one extra step back. It seemed as if he was hyper aware of just how much he loomed over me; the way he stood was like he was trying to will himself to be smaller, and he kept his hands at his sides. “Um … hi. … Sorry, this is … this is really weird …”
I nodded, watching him. “It is a bit. … Todd, was it?”
“Jay… Jason.”
“Not Todd?”
“Jason Todd. Damian calls me Todd, he thinks using people's last names keeps them at an arm's length…” Jason Todd. The name felt familiar, but I couldn't place why. He continued to ramble about how important tone was in determining whether this Damian kid was referring to you with affection or disdain, and I watched him. He was admittedly very cute; he had a sort of a bad boy aesthetic -leather jacket, dark clothes, a white streak in his hair, some unusual scars on his face and arms-, which juxtaposed interestingly with the gentleness in his voice, bright eyes, and awkward mannerisms. That was actually the thing that made the most sense about this situation; bikers are often secret teddy bears.
“... Jason?”
He looked up at me, one hand sheepishly making its way into his hair. “Yeah, sorry, you want me to go. I'll get them to stop harassing you, so sorry-”
“Actually, I was going to say you don't have to stand the whole time.” I gestured to the chair across from me.
He hesitated, watching me. “... Y- you don't want me to go?”
I smiled softly and shook my head. “Sit?”
He quickly obeyed, a hesitant smile on his face, which was almost immediately hidden by his hand when his brothers whooped from their table. “... God, I'm so sorry … th- they mean well, really, they're not trying to be weird …”
I laughed softly, “it's fine, that's what siblings do, right?”
“... I guess so … I've been sort of … away for a while, but I guess this is pretty standard sibling behavior. … Right?”
“I mean, a little more insistent than mine, but not too far outside the realm of what I’d consider normal.” I shrugged, finishing my chai latte.
He smiled slightly, considering that. “... Hm … um … c- can I get you another?” He gestured to my cup.
“... Sure, I've got time.”
The pleased grin on his face as he looked away to flag down a server surprised me. Then again, everything about him was surprising. Still, no one had ever looked at me quite like that before… 
The server sauntered over, clearly curious about my new companion. Jason smiled brightly; “Hi, can we get another for the lady? And I'll have a medium black coffee, sweet, please.”
Huh. He called me a ‘lady’. Not a girl, or a chick, a lady. That was … also surprising. We chatted for a little while, sipping our coffees, and tried to ignore his staring brothers. He was incredibly awkward, in a sweet, endearing way. I got the impression that he wasn't fully comfortable, but chalked it up to how weirdly this all started. After a while, the first one returned, a small grimace on his face.
I raised an eyebrow; “I'm pretty sure I told the little one that the next one of you to come over was getting stabbed.”
“I know, I know! I'm so sorry, but Jay, we gotta go. Bruce texted…”
That was when it clicked; why I knew the name Jason Todd. He was a Wayne … his death had dominated the news cycle for a week. His miraculous, frankly poorly explained, return was the story for at least two.
He looked, torn, between me and his brother. “Oh … um …”
The man I finally recognized as Dick Grayson leaned forward and fake-whispered, “the words you're looking for are ‘can I have your phone number'?”
Jason swatted him away, blushing bright red; “Seriously, Dick? … well, can I-”
His ears were turning red as I held my hand out for his phone. I added my contact info and, feeling unusually bold, I added ☕💖 after my name while Jason dropped a couple of bills on the table; I smiled a bit, realizing he was leaving enough to cover my first drink for me too. I passed his phone back, enjoying the look of wonder on his face when he checked the screen. The way he whispered my name, like a prayer meant only for god's ears, had my stomach doing backflips.
“thanks … I'll call you?”
“Sounds good. I'm a night owl, so not too early, yeah?”
He nodded eagerly. “Not too early, promise.”
Next ->
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damianwaynerocks · 1 year ago
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i wonder how many social workers bruce paid off over the years.
like?? broken bones. busted lips. black eyes. these would’ve been hotlined for sure.
even ignoring the injuries, bruce wouldn’t have been a first pick as a foster placement. like with dick specifically, you’re supposed to try to find a family friend to stay with before you look for strangers so i feel like dick should’ve been placed with someone from the circus. but instead bruce wayne, a 20-something billionaire. i bet bruce has the gotham city department of social services in his wallet. i bet every year there’s a rookie social worker fresh out of college determined to take bruce down but it never works bc bribery talks in gotham
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red-might-be-dead · 7 months ago
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omg
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mcnuggetclub · 1 year ago
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the way alex looks at henry
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triptychofvoids · 1 year ago
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valentines day ass post in the middle of october i dont know what happened
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majorpatheticcas · 1 year ago
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He flustered.
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