#potc dead men tell no tales
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queen-daya · 2 years ago
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Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann in Pirates of the Caribbean (Part 3)
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that-irishman-fan · 2 years ago
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Oh God, this is too accurate, especially the Barbarossa and Salazar ones and Jack's, I am screeching🤣I freaking love the POTC5 fandom, ngl.
My hand slipped
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imagopirateversion · 7 months ago
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Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales; Why It Shouldn’t Exist
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Or how I invested time and energy into an analysis of a relatively dead franchise instead of doing it for my actual media analysis university course.
An essay by: a bitter and obsessed PotC fan since they were 7, with a lot of free time.
Lads, this is going to be long. You have been warned.
The Beginning
At the very beginning of the movie, we see a young Henry Turner looking for his dad.
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Now, we're not talking about characterization problems or how likely it is that a ten-year-old child would risk his life to look for a man he technically only saw once; we're talking about plot problems, actual logical fallacies. My questions are:
How? The Flying Dutchman is a legendary ship, impossible to be found unless She wants to be found. The only reason we see Her in Dead Man's Chest is because Davy Jones himself is looking for Jack to collect his debt, and in that occasion the Dutchman's captain wasn't even doing what he was supposed to do, so he was most definitely in the living world. Will otherwise, he's doing the job Calypso gave him, so he's constantly in between. Is the movie trying to convince me that a kid was able to do something no one in the history of piracy was ever able to do? And even if he did, why hasn't anyone explained me how? He simply looks at a map and throws himself on the bottom of the ocean. How did he know The Dutchman was there? How did he know it would've come to surface?
Where is his mom? We got to know Elizabeth in the first three movies; we know she's a smart woman and we can assume she's an attentive mother. She didn't notice her son preparing himself for a trip in the middle of the ocean to go look for his dad? Was she distracted? Was she outsmarted by a 10ish-year-old? Or is she just not contemplated in this scenario?
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Why does Will look like that? Will is doing his job, so... why does he look like he's slowly corrupting? That kind of corruption is the punishment Calypso reserves to The Dutchman's crew when the captain fails her, which isn't the case. Did they forget about it? Was the idea of putting algae on Orlando Bloom's face just impossible to resist to?
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Alright, this isn't actually from this movie but it's bothering me, so I have to write it; also, it would make this whole movie unnecessary, so it's somehow related to it. Why (and I can't stress this enough) can't Elizabeth be on the Dutchman? Why can't they do the job together? Is it because she's not a pirate? I'm pretty sure se actually is. Is it because she's a woman? Last time I checked she was the KING. She wants to stay with Will forever, Will wants to stay with her forever, they can literally live forever on the same ship. Why aren't they?
Whatever the Hell Happened to Jack Sparrow
Imagine creating a character that is so iconic whenever you ask a person who was a kid in the early 2000 to imagine a pirate, they imagine said character.
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Now imagine fourteen years pass and you decide to ruin that character by making him the most hideous, annoying, idiotic person in the whole saga, and we're talking about a saga that has Philip the Missionary in it. Why? Jack Sparrow is THE anti-hero. Never on the right side, but never on the wrong one. You can tell he's doing something morally questionable, but you still find yourself rooting for him. He's stupid enough to make you laugh, but he's secretly clever enough to always get away with it. Now he's just... drunk. And that's not even an excuse for this horrendous new characterization, because he was always drunk. The guy FORGOT HE WAS ROBBING A BANK, the same guy just one movie earlier was able to escape from the King of England's palace and steal a lady's earring (by pretending to be a literal slut) in the process. He just switched from the iconic drunk bi bestie everyone loves to my cringe uncle that drinks too much at Christmas parties and makes everyone uncomfortable. Please, if the risk is ruining an entire generation's beloved character, either don't make the movie or find a better explanation than "Bad luck dogs you day and night".
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The Pearl in The Bottle
So... what you're telling me is that Jack Sparrow, the guy who was able to defeat Hector Barbossa, Davy Jones and Blackbeard thanks to his slyness, and who loves his Black Pearl more than anything else in the world, had said ship in a bottle in his pockets for FIVE YEARS... and he never thought about breaking the bottle to free Her. That's what you're telling me. This is the pivotal point upon which the entire Jack's plot hinges. I... I don't even know what to say. Was this supposed to be funny?
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What an Incredibly Lucky Coincidence
A guy needs a treasure to save his father. To find it, he needs the help of a notorious and legendary pirate. He looks for him everywhere, sailing on dozens of ships just so he has the remote chance to stumble across the pirate. The last ship he's been on has sinked, he's the only survivor. He's been found in the middle of the ocean and someone brought him to the nearest city. Which city? I mean, the one that has both the pirate he was looking for and a lady who's the only person in the whole planet who's able to find the treasure he was looking for! And, oh my... he finds the both of them! In that same city! Without even LOOKING FOR THEM! A hell of a coincidence, if you ask me. Also known as lazy writing.
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What's Wrong With the Guards?
Now, I know Pirates of the Caribbean isn't exactly known for its accurate historical reconstructions, but why are the guards in this movie acting like they're some sort of hellhounds ready to kill anyone in sight? Even pirates and traitors as Jack and Henry were supposed to stand trial before being sentenced to death. It would've probably been an unjust and barbaric trial, but there should've been one. We literally saw it, in the previous movie. Why's Jack been sentenced to death for simply existing here? He gave pirate vibes and they decided that was enough?
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Paul McCartney
This is not an actual point of the analysis, I just wanted to remind people that Paul McCartney is in this movie and that's the only valid reason to watch it.
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Salazar
I am confused. Once again, I have questions.
El Matador Del Mar was so good at his job he had almost defeated piracy. "The last ones joined together to try and defeat me". The last what? Pirates? There were no pirates left? This happened when Jack was young, so a lot of time before the first movie, right? Where were, I don't know... Blackbeard? Davy Jones? Barbossa? All the other Pirate Lords? I might be wrong, but I guess Salazar didn't kill them, did he? Why weren't they there during that "last battle" in which "the last ones joined together"?
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The Devil's Triangle. I just don't understand what's the logic behind it. So, this is a cursed place. Whoever enters there, can't get out. One would think it means that if you get there, you die; and Salazar does die, but he somehow also becomes a ghost whose only purpose is to find Jack Sparrow and have his revenge. So, do people become ghosts when they get in The Devil's Triangle? We have to assume people have gotten stuck in there before; otherwise, there wouldn't be legends around the place. So why isn't it like full of spirits ready to haunt people? Why are Salazar and his crew the only ones?
Poseidon or Calypso?
What's the Trident of Poseidon? Does Poseidon exist? Isn't Calypso the Goddess of the sea? Breaking the Trident, you break all the curses of the sea, so the Trident must be more powerful than Calypso, which leads to a question. Where is she? She IS the sea, right? So she must have known someone was about to find the Trident and brake all curses, including her one. She just decided it was okay? It really feels like someone decided to suddenly change the world's mythology without giving explanations.
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The Compass
This is possibly the most blatant plot hole in the whole saga. Probably the most blatant plot hole I've ever witnessed, and man, I watched all the Harry Potter movies. In Dead Man's Chest, Jack meets Tia Dalma in her "shop" and he tells her he's looking for the Davy Jones' key. She asks him "The compass you bartered from me, it cannot lead you to this?", making another pivotal point of Dead Men Tell No Tales factually senseless.
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That man couldn't have given his compass to Jack, because that wasn't his compass.
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So either Salazar is lying while telling his tale or they forgot about that line in the second movie. Anyway, let's pretend that line doesn't exist; even if that captain gave Jack his compass in that exact moment, why would it be the key to free Salazar, exactly? How is the compass in any way related to The Devil's Triangle or to Salazar? In the movie, they try to explain it with a sentence: “if you betray it, your greatest fear comes true”. So, is Salazar Jack's greatest fear? I really doesn't seem right, Jack almost didn't remember Salazar when Henry mentioned him. To Jack, he's only a guy he outsmarted decades earlier. Also, Jack technically already gave the compass away, twice: to Elizabeth in Dead Man's Chest, to make her find the chest, and to Beckett in At World's End, when they're negotiating.
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That's... That's Just Body Shaming, Mate
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Let's talk about her. So, the woman's ugly. It can happen that a woman is ugly. Was it necessary to build an entire scene around some blatant body shaming? This scene wants to mimic the similar scene in Dead Man's Chest: Jack's on an island, running from the main villain, and he's forced to do things he doesn't want to do until someone saves him, then it was Will, now it's Hector.
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Except in Dead Man's Chest it was LITERAL CANNIBALISM he was facing, and yet he looked LESS TERRIFIED and DISGUSTED. What's exactly the message here? Lads, is marrying an ugly woman worse than cannibalism? I don't know... that was just bad.
Justice for Hector Barbossa
If you know me (you probably don't, but if you do) then you know about my obsession with Hector Barbossa. I truly believe he's the best written character in the saga, and he's in my top five of the characters I love the most in all media. I watched The Curse of the Black Pearl when I was seven and I am autistic, so I had all the time to develop a literal relationship with these characters in my head. As much as Geoffrey Rush's interpretation was impeccable, as always, it really hurt to watch Hector in this movie. He just doesn't sound like him. First of all, why isn't he on the Queen Anne's Revenge? Why's he letting someone else sail around on his ships? He would've never. Why's he just sitting on a throne and shooting musicians instead of, I don't know... being a pirate? Being a pirate is the only thing that matters to him. He says it at the end of On Stranger Tides, and he even says it in this movie, to the witch. "I'm a pirate. Always will be".
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So, why isn't he pirating? What happened to him? And what about the pact with the witch? He made her curse all his enemies; that's honestly the most out-of-character thing he could've done.
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Seriously, watch this movie, and then The Curse of the Black Pearl and tell me he sounds like he's the same character. Then there’s his death... was it necessary? And I don't mean if it was necessary to the plot (it wasn't), but the way he died, did it make sense? He takes the sword and sacrifices himself to kill Salazar, but WHY? Salazar was back a mortal. They could've brought him to surface and then shoot him. What was the point of his death, Disney? I will never forgive you.
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I would've preferred if they never showed him again. He's alive and living his best life in Tortuga, if you ask me.
How does Carina Smyth exist?
Let's do the maths. Carina Smyth has approximately the same age as Henry Turner, who was born around nine moths after the end of At World's End. At the end of that movie, Barbossa once again stole the Black Pearl (he's iconic we stan a legend), so we have to assume it is during that time (between the At World's End and On Stranger Tides) that he conceives Carina. He stays with this woman during the whole pregnancy, bacause he says he was there when she died. So nine months, at least, right? Except; Jack makes it clear that he and Barbossa met Carina's mom, Margaret, together.
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When, exactly, did this happen? It can't be between On Stranger Tides and Dead Men Tell No Tales, because Hector himself says only five years passed between the two, and Carina doesn't look like a five-year-old;
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it can't be between At World's End and On Stranger Tides, because we know Jack and Barbossa weren't together, and Hector was too busy losing a leg and planning his revenge by working for the King of England; it can't be during At World's End, because Barbossa was too busy rescuing Jack and then slaying (literally and metaphorically) Beckett's men to save piracy; it can't be during Dead Man's Chest, because he was dead; it can't be during The Curse of the Black Pearl, nor during the ten years before it, because he was... he was a skeleton, I hardly believe he could reproduce, despite what’s written in some fanficions; it can't be before, of course, because Carina would be too old. The only chance, but it's a stretch, is that Hector and Jack met this Margaret Smyth years and years before, and that at a certain point (while he was still busy slaying, losing a leg or planning his revenge), for some reason he decided to come back to her and accidentally had a daughter. That would mean that Jack remembered Margaret Smyth's name DECADES after he met her.
The Post-Credit Scene: What?
WHY'S DAVY JONES BACK? The Trident technically broke all the curses of the sea. He is THE cursed man of the sea. AND HE'S DEAD. The only answer I was able to give me, is that the moment the Trident broke the curses, the curse that said if you stab his heart he dies was also broken, so he technically didn't die, but it makes even less sense, because if the curses just aren't real anymore, then a man shouldn't be able to... carve out his heart and put it in a chest, right? (Which by the way, makes Will Turner being alive senseless as well). Even if so, Davy should've come back as a human.
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My conclusion is that this movie should not exist, and we, as a community, should pretend it was never made. Hector is alive. Bye.
Imago
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i-put-the-ass-into-sass · 9 months ago
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has anything ever been crafted as perfectly as the pirates of the caribbean soundtrack? i genuinely mean it. every single piece on each of the five albums is not just a banger, it gets the blood flowing to my brain, it lifts my spirits in a way i'm afraid nothing else can anymore
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theboarsbride · 10 months ago
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Dead men tell no tales.👻🏴‍☠️
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Every time I remember how Javier Bardem said he based his movements off of and compared the character of Captain Salazar to a matador, pre curse, and a wounded bull, post-curse, I need to gnaw on wood and bite and scream and throw up-
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iswateredibletho · 1 year ago
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the queer urge to be a pirate captain bc it would mean youd have a hoard of unhinged older men ranging from pathetic to just plain evil available to you at all times ready to follow whatever you command
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licorice-and-rum · 5 months ago
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Currently re-watching the Depp v. Heard case and realizing I could easily write pages and pages of why I think what I think, and about male victims of domestic violence and abuse, and how we're not morally prepared to deal with them.
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crazy-meringue · 1 year ago
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Somewhere in the other world there is a club of victims of the Sparrow
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my-lady-galadriel · 1 month ago
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Touch is essential in the relationship between Elizabeth and Will. Touch of their hands, of their foreheads... of their skin.
When Will embraces Elizabeth after Weatherby's death, we can see his arms as her last haven. When Will is on the verge of dying, we can see Elizabeth's hands on his cheeks as his last anchor to life.
I think their long, expected, full-of-love hug is the only scene that makes sense in DMTNT: their eyes closed, their arms around each other, Elizabeth that seems to inhale Will's scent (we can hear Keira Knightley's breath!)... So touching! 🥺💘
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queen-daya · 2 years ago
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Will Turner + Elizabeth Swann -> 😍😍 (Part 4)
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weirdly-specific-but-ok · 10 months ago
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pirates of the caribbean but i've never watched it
I'm not even going to pretend to know what I'm doing here. *really bad pirate voice* aye maties let's be uh crimes?
I haven't watched a single movie of this franchise. I haven't even seen an edit. Here's all I've got:
These movies were a formative bisexual experience/bi panic for almost every bisexual. I saw it happen in Heartstopper.
Jack Sparrow is the main guy. He's hot.
Johnny Depp is in this, and I adore him, so that's a point in POTC's favour. Kiera Knightley is in this, and she is gorgeous. When is she not. I love her acting. Orlando Bloom is in this. I don't know who he is. He is rather pretty, though.
There is a man, a woman, and a pirate, played by Bloom, Knightley and Depp respectively. I know Tumblr, and I can already hear you now: Ah yes, the three genders, man, woman and pirate. Listen, you little shits, this is all I know. Don't come for me.
There's a guy with octopus tentacles coming out of his face, but not in a kinky way, I think. I really, really hope. He's the villain, but he's not. A small white capitalist man is.
When there is moonlight, they turn first-Twilight-movie-blue-saturated and dead. Except they're not dead, because they're not alive. It makes sense in the movies. I think.
There is jewellery involved. I'm not sure if it's a get-rich-quick scheme or something involving the undead.
The man and the woman are in love.
They, uh, do pirate things. There's a kingdom.
The woman is abducted and the man and her say romantic shit through the bars.
The woman threatens to throw a gold chain down.
Jack Sparrow says smartass shit and does his best to avoid doing the right thing and facing the consequences. What an icon.
Jack Sparrow has a jar of dirt, and it is important to him. He sings a song, though I can't make out if that is a fandom joke.
Feel free to educate me. You'll have to reblog this to spread it around so people can yell at me, though, because I have no idea what to tag this with.
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potc-musical · 8 months ago
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The sparbossa dance is my favorite part of POTC 5 scripts by Ted Rossio
I'm adding the dance in my musical concept bc we're robbed
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esgiletheblack · 6 months ago
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In the embrace of Death,page 1
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the-twelve-daggers · 25 days ago
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🏴‍☠️ ⤷ Norrington WIP!
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my favourite character 👹👹
I made the mistake of drawing it on A5, so it's way too small, but whatever - it's been ages since I've sat down and drawn something 💀
Will hopefully remember to post the finished thing when it's done! :)
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haveyouseenthismovie-poll · 9 months ago
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intricatecaprice · 10 months ago
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Meme by @cassandrasummer ♥️
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