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Snackpack

[starfeedings]

The County Fair 

The day has finally arrived!! We were going to attend the County Fair!  You were so excited and couldn’t wait to get dressed after your giant breakfast. You started to get dressed and the first pair of jeans didn't fit.  The struggle got you winded and for a moment you really panicked because you thought you had gained again.  You then realized that they were the last pair you outgrew  .... Phew!!! You checked again and found a brand new pair of pants and a cute white top, and then came in the kitchen to help me pack some food for the trip.  It was going to be a 30 min drive, maybe 45 with traffic.  We packed some muffins, chips and cookies just in case.

We got in the SUV and headed down the road.  I loved watching your belly shake and wobble when we hit bumps and was so glad you had room to sit comfortably.  We sold our previous car about 6 months ago when you no longer fit.  With you gaining so fast, this one should work for a while.  About 10 min down the road you reached for the muffins and cookies and finished them all in a hurry.

Arriving at the fair, I dropped you off by the front entrance and then went to park.  A good thing since it took me about 15 min to walk from the truck back to the entrance.  You would need to save your steps as the fair grounds were big and your waddle was not geared for distances (or speed).  You were sitting on a bench when I returned eating some funnel cake with powdered sugar that was sold just outside the gate.  You were smiling, with some sugar around your lips ... so cute!

After buying tickets we walked in and started towards the main food area.  I had to walk very slow so that you could keep up.  You were doing pretty well.  After about 2 minutes you asked to stop to look at a map.  You were starting to sweat a little and wanted to catch your breath.  I told you I knew where we were going but you had me double check to make sure we went the shortest route.  After assuring you, we continued.  We stopping again a few minutes later so you could try some bacon dipped in chocolate. So yummy, but a little messy.  We sat down on a bench so you could eat it without it getting all over your white shirt.  You did pretty well, spilling only tiny bit of chocolate by your collar.

We got up again and continued toward the food.  It was so fun seeing all the people, hearing music, sounds from games and the popcorn machines.  There was also an unmistakable  aroma from all the foods, animals, hay and rides.  It was a lot to take in.  At first I really commended your willpower as we made it past the popcorn.  I'm guessing you didn't see it?

Arriving at the main food pavilion, we got in line for some of the celebrity chef dishes.  The lines were long, so I told you to find a seat and that I'd bring back the food.  "Make sure you get something good" you said as you waddled towards the picnic tables.  I watched you from a far navigating the picnic table and I was amazed how you figured it out.  My guess is that getting out will be a lot harder.

As I waited in line, I couldn't help but notice how many other fat girls and guys there were.  It seems like a perfect gathering place.  One woman was holding about 4 plates and looked to be about your size.  Another girl was much bigger,  and was riding a scooter.  Not a bad idea with all the walking needed.  Her belly was pressing into the steering wheel and her hips and side belly far surpassed the width of the scooter.  It was hot!

The first stand I got to had duck bacon wontons. The wontons were stuffed with duck bacon, grilled sweet corn, and cream cheese, and served with a creamy dipping sauce.  I knew you would love it, so I picked up 3 servings.

At the next stand I picked up bacon-wrapped pork belly and mashed potato croquettes served on a skewer, topped with either home-style gravy, Korean bulgogi barbecue sauce, or sweet chili sauce.  I got all 3 sauces in large cups so you could experiment.  I picked up 3 of these also and headed over to you.

You were so excited to try the food!  You were also a little upset I didn't get dessert.  I mentioned that I thought we could get some later, but seeing how upset you were I headed back and picked up some Bowl o' Dough. Basically cookie dough in 3 flavors -- brownie batter swirl, European cookie butter, lemon ricotta cheesecake with blueberries.  I got 3 of each.

You had already finished the wontons when I got back and were so excited about the cookie dough.  I wasn't quite hungry yet, but had fun watching you stuff yourself.  The pork belly was finished next and then you dove into the cookie dough.  About 15 minutes later you were done.  "Stuffed?" I asked.  "far from it." you said  as you tried to heave yourself up from the table.  Uh oh.  You your belly was stuck and wouldn't let your leg raise up enough to get out.  I had suspected this wouldn't be easy.  You tried again, leaning to side.  Better, but it was so hard tho raise your leg!  I let you regroup and then helped you by pulling your leg out and to the side.  It worked and you got up sweating and winded.  "Ugh. that was so tight!" you said.  Lets go see the animals

It was clear that you were  more full than you led onto, as your waddle was much slower and you were breathing heavier.  I hated to see you uncomfortable and suggested we sit for a break.  You happily obliged.  "Wow, it's really hot here" you said panting.  I agreed, but was  honestly glad I was wearing a long sleeve shirt.   65 degrees is not hot to me.

After you caught your breath, we made our way towards the animals.  On the way, I caught a stand in the distance and knew we had to stop. Fried Butter Balls.  I chuckled.  I had to see you eat those fat bombs.  You couldn't believe they had them and were so excited to give them a try.  I got you 3 servings and we sat down.  "OMG these are good!!!" you said in between bites.  "Get me more".  I did, 5 more.  You were eating like the pigs we were about to see.

After eating those you felt full.  Lets just sit hear and listen to the music.  The arena was close by and a band was playing.  I said we could go in, but knowing the size of arena seats, agreed we should just chill and relax.  There were picnic tables closer, but after the earlier fiasco the bench was a much safer bet.  I rubbed your distended belly and we leaned into each other.  So comfy.

About an hour or so later, we passed the heavy machinery section.  You joked about needing the forklift to carry you around. haha.  Getting tired from all the waddling today you were not happy.  You saw another fat girl waddling that looked to be in a similar place.  Who knew that you needed so much athleticism to attend the fair?  We passed a log flume ride, which looked fun, however it would require way too much energy.  It was also unclear if you would fit in the seat?

We arrived at another food court and you declared it time to feed.  You sat down on a bench and I picked up a bunch of treats.  Cheeseburgers with Fried Ice Cream, Deep-Fried Mashed Potatoes on a Stick, Krispy Kreme Hamburgers, Foot-long hot-dogs, Fried Oreos and Fried Twinkies.

You were pleased for sure with my choices and made your way through them without breaking stride.  You especially loved the deep fried potatoes and Krispy Kreme Hamburgers.  I went back and got you 3 more of each.

You were feeling very stuffed now and really just wanted to go home.  I said that we needed to see the animals.  You agreed and began the short slog waddle to the barn area.  I noticed you now had ketchup, mustard and sauce on your shirt now in addition to the earlier spilled chocolate.

We finally got to the animals and grabbed a seat fully winded.  You saw that there was Fried cheesecake and despite being stuffed just had had to try some.  You said to just get one.  I brought it and after the first bite you held up 2 fingers.  "2 more". wow.  this was sooo good.

I noticed your shirt was a lot tighter.  Your belly was so distended from all the calories during your multiple feedings.  You honestly looked like the pig who won the blue ribbon.  Both of you were super fat and glowing!

After seeing the animals and eating the fried cheesecake, we walked very very slowly over to the gondola. / aerial lift ride that carried fairgoers across the grounds. You were soooo relieved that you wouldn't have to walk back!!!  I was a little concerned about the weight limit in the car.  Anyway, it dropped us right by the front gate.  We got out, or should I say struggled out as the door was a bit of a squeeze for you.  

I left you at the gate and went to go pick up the truck.  I was hungry and grabbed some peanuts.  When I returned you had a bag.  "What's in the bag?" I asked.  "Oh, just some food for home" you said.  You had picked up deep-fried avocado, cream puffs, sweet corn ice cream and some Fried macaroni and cheese.  "Awesome" I said, knowing that you would likely polish them off tonight.

"What a fun day" I said.  "Yes, lets come back tomorrow" you replied before falling asleep on the short ride home.

[enjoy-the-small-thingsxx]

THE POEM THAT ONCE WAS US

A little house with three bedrooms,

One bathroom and one car on the street;

A mower that you had to push

To make the grass look neat.

In the kitchen on the wall

We only had one phone,

And no need for recording things,

Someone was always home.

We only had a living room

Where we would congregate;

Unless it was at mealtime

In the kitchen where we ate.

We had no need for family rooms

Or extra rooms to dine.

When meeting as a family

Those two rooms worked out just fine.

We only had one TV set

And channels, maybe two,

But always there was one of them

With something worth the view

For snacks we had potato chips

That tasted like a chip.

And if you wanted flavor

There was Lipton's onion dip.

Store-bought snacks were rare because

My mother liked to cook,

And nothing can compare to snacks

In Betty Crocker's book

Weekends were for family trips

Or staying home to play.

We all did things together,

Even go to church to pray.

When we did our weekend trips

Depending on the weather,

No one stayed at home because

We liked to be together.

Sometimes we would separate

To do things on our own,

But we knew where the others were

Without our own cell phone.

Then there were the movies

With your favorite movie star,

And nothing can compare

To watching movies in your car

Then there were the picnics

At the peak of summer season,

Pack a lunch and find some trees

And never need a reason.

Get a baseball game together

With all the friends you know,

Have real action playing ball

And no game video.

Remember when the doctor

Used to be the family friend,

And didn't need insurance

Or a lawyer to defend?

The way that he took care of you

Or what he had to do,

Because he took an oath and strived

To do the best for you.

Remember going to the store

And shopping casually,

And when you went to pay for it

You used your own money?

Nothing that you had to swipe

Or punch in some amount,

And remember when the cashier person

Had to really count?

The milkman used to drive a truck

And go from door to door,

And it was just a few cents more

Than going to the store.

There was a time when mailed letters

Came right to your door,

Without a lot of junk mail ads

Sent out by every store.

The mailman knew each house by name

And knew where it was sent;

There were not loads of mail addressed

To "present occupant”

There was a time when just one glance

Was all that it would take,

And you would know the kind of car,

The model and the make

They didn't look like turtles

Trying to squeeze out every mile;

They were streamlined, white walls, fins and “skirts”,

And really had some style

One time the music that you played

Whenever you would jive,

Was from a vinyl, big-holed record

Called a forty-five

The record player had a post

To keep them all in line,

And then the records would drop down

And play one at a time.

Oh sure, we had our problems then,

Just like we do today

And always we were striving,

To find a better way.

Oh, the simple life we lived,

Still seems like so much fun.

How can you explain the game,

“Just kick the can and run?”

And all us boys put baseball cards

Between our bicycle spokes;

And for a nickel, red machines

Had little bottled Cokes?

This life seemed so much easier;

Slower in some ways.

I love the new technology,

But I sure do miss those days.

So time moves on and so do we,

And nothing stays the same;

But I sure love to reminisce

And walk down memory lane.

With all today's technology

We grant that it's a plus!

But it's fun to look way back and say,

Hey look, guys, THAT WAS US!

by

Jacqueline Penbe

[reasoningdaily]

7 African Americans who changed the way we cook and eat

February is African American History Month. To commemorate, we pay tribute to some of the African Americans in history who have made huge contributions to the way we prepare and eat food both here in California and all over the USA.George Washington Carver

George Washington Carver – Agriculture

George Washington Carver pioneered the growth of peanuts as an alternative to cotton to help sustain the farmers and their families and as a way to promote crop rotation. While he may not have been the actual inventor of peanut butter (it had been made as early as the Aztec peoples in Mexico) his interest in botany made him one of the earliest environmentalist in his time.

George Crum – Potato Chips

Purportedly, It was Crum who was responsible for creating potato chips as the customer he was serving at the time kept sending back his french fries for being too thick. Out of spite, he sliced a batch so thin, they became crispy after being deep fried. They were then brought to the customer, who actually enjoyed them, and thus one of the most popular snacks was born. Later in life, he opened up a restaurant in the resort towns of Malta, New York.

Joseph Lee – Bread kneading machine Joseph Lee’s Bread Kneading machine Source:blackinhistory.tumblr.com

A  successful baker, restaurateur and hotelier, Joseph Lee invented a machine that would take day old bread and turn it into crumbs used for cooking into other dishes, later on, he would invent a machine that would knead bread dough more efficiently, which would result in a higher quality product. This machine is the predecessor to all modern day bread makers and, for his efforts, he received a patent for both.Ashbourne’s biscuit cutter

Alexander P Ashbourne – Biscuit cutter

Something so insignificant as a cutter for biscuits might not be a big deal to us in the present, but during a time when biscuits were a staple on the dinner table, an invention like this ensures a consistently even batch each and every time. Another interesting fact: Alexander P. Ashbourne also patented a process for treating and refining coconut oil.Alfred Craelle’s Ice Cream Scoop Source: blackinhistory.tumblr.com

Alfred Craelle – Ice Cream Scoop

Inspired by the ineffective way that ice cream was being served to customers at the time, Alfred Craelle was the first African American in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania to receive a patent for his invention of a more efficient ice cream scoop.Source: Minnpost.com

Frederick McKinley Jones – Refrigeration

in 1935, Frederick Jones created the first portable refrigeration units, making it possible to transport perishble items, including foods, over long distances. His creation saw heavy use in WW II not just for food, but for other perishables like medical supplies and blood packs.

Wallace “Wally” Amos – Founder of Famous Amos cookies

Wallace Amos had an interest in cooking growing up with his aunt, he was especially interested in his Aunt’s chocolate chip cookie recipe. After a career in both the US Air Force and then William Morris Agency,  In 1975, Mr. Amos set up his first cookie shop with a $75,000 dollar loan from Marvin Gaye and Helen Reddy. After selling the original company, he now operates a new comapny called “Uncle Noname’s Cookie Company” and then later on, founding “Uncle Noname’s Muffin Company” with a former distributor of his original company.

[killervelveteenrabbit]

Danganronpa Cooking Headcanons!

Makoto made only average grades in high-school Home Ec, so he's inclined to discount his cooking skills. He can make his own meals if his mom is out of town or he doesn't have any pocket money for the school cafeteria. But he'd sooner pick up something at the corner store on his way to school. He doesn't share the food he makes with others, so he hasn't figured out that he's actually a better cook than he realizes. Curry over rice or noodles is his favorite food, and he always makes his own rather than using cheap storebought packs.

Aoi loves doughnuts so much she learned how to make them herself. Yeast doughnuts, cake doughnuts, deep-fried or baked, with all kinds of glazes and toppings… she's even mastered a recipe she found online for making them out of potatoes. Naturally, the skills Aoi picked up have translated into baking projects like cookies and pies. These usually turn out well so long as she doesn't absent-mindedly leave out an ingredient or forget she has something in the oven. She's flirted with the idea of opening her own bakery once she scores a few gold medals and retires from professional swimming.

The only thing Byakuya can make for dinner are reservations, and he usually has a servant on hand to make the phone call. Byakuya claims cooking is peasant-work beneath his station. But put him in a kitchen and you'll discover the truth: he's never been in a position to cook for himself, so the poor bastard can't even operate a coffeemaker. Microwaves frustrate him in particular--the one time he tried to use one, he didn't take the aluminum foil off the plate. To this day, he prefers to believe the machine was defective, something off with the wiring.

Celestia doesn't cook; she is cooked for… and you better damn sight not screw it up! As a child, Taeko loved making her favorite gyoza with her mother. Even if they weren't evenly fried or the stuffing came out of them after the first bite, Taeko enjoyed the experience of making them almost as much as eating them. But that was a lifetime ago. Ask her to prepare some gyoza these days, she'll scream at you for mistaking her for the help, distracting both you and herself from the fact that she's forgotten how.

Chihiro enjoys baking; he regards it as a combination of science and art that forces him to train different parts of his brain. Plus, you can eat the results if the experiment is a success! A video "she" posted of "her" attempt at baking chocolate-chip-oatmeal-raisin cookies briefly went viral, if only because it stood out from "her" usual gadget reviews and programming guides. "She" even received a few marriage proposals from fans afterward. As far as Chihiro's concerned, it's to the good if his fans liked it… and the demonstration of domestic skills helps him maintain the masquerade.

Quite frankly, Hifumi thinks cooking is "women's work", something females are supposed to do for the men they love. Furthermore, this junk-food junkie buys most of his food from vending machines and convenience stores, something he can shovel down while creating his latest Princess Piggles epic. He can fix himself a sandwich or boil up some tea or coffee if he absolutely has to, but that's it. Anything that requires actual effort, like Celestia's favorite royal milk tea, and Hifumi is out of his element.

Junko's analytical prowess allows her to pick up things quickly, and if she wanted to learn how to cook, she could do so almost overnight. But she doesn't want to. The aggravation she causes people by making them wait on her causes them despair, and not getting the food she needs and that feeling of hunger that results creates despair in her. Honestly, the only reason she would ever cook something for anyone is for the opportunity to adulterate it or poison it. Junko dresses to kill and cooks pretty much the same way.

As a cook, Kiyotaka is hyper-competent but spectacularly uncreative. He goes straight by the cookbook, following recipes exactly as written… and his insistance on "the proper way to make such-and-such" renders him unable (or at least unwilling) to innovate his own dishes. He noticeably fumbles when improvising alternatives to unavailable ingredients or equipment. Finally, he avoids preparing anything he deems unhealthy, lest he weaken the body and spirit of the people who eat it. You'll eat healthy and well with Taka in the kitchen… just don't expect dessert, unless it's fresh fruit or yogurt.

Kyoko's overprotective grandfather would allow her to make her own food, but not to use the stove, the oven, or particularly sharp knives for fear she might accidentally hurt herself. After all, she was destined to be a detective, not someone's housewife. She understands the processes of cooking, and even the science behind fermentation, heat transfer, why coriander tastes like soap to her, etc.. But she herself rarely cooks, relying on family servants for her meals. Oh, and Kyoko finds most instant foods greasy and disgusting… especially cup ramen.

So one time there was this girl at school Leon liked, and she was really into cooking, baking, stuff like that. So he figured he'd learn how to cook and totally impress her with his Mad Kitchen Skillz. He blew all his cash on cookbooks and utensils and ingredients--but pretty much everything he made got burned or half-cooked or just plain tasted like shit. While recovering from food poisoning from his own undercooked chicken yakisoba, Leon found out his dream girl was now dating an upperclassman. Eh. At least he can follow the directions on a box of cake mix. Hope you like it crunchy.

The Owada brothers both learned the basics of cooking at their mother's insistence. She knew one day they'd have to grow up, stop running wild in the street, and take care of themselves. Her lessons came in handy when first Daiya, then Mondo, had to look after their biker brothers with less involved parents. Mondo privately wishes he could learn how to do more stuff in the kitchen--making things instead of breaking them--even though it might seem a little sissified. Um… no, Mondo has no strong opinions about butter… why do you ask?

Life as a transient mercenary taught Mukuro basic survival skills, including how to set up a serviceable field kitchen, purify water, and hunt and forage enough provisions to support herself and her team. Ever the team player, Mukuro will readily volunteer to help with mess duty and even may take command to get the job done… unless Junko orders her not to. In fact, as long as her sister is around, letting her handle food is dangerous. She'll follow her sister's lead in making it inedible or potentially deadly.

When she's not chugging protein drinks, Sakura appreciates a nice big meal to give her strength for the day's training and fights. She enjoys preparing a large Japanese-style breakfast--several bowls of rice and miso, with tsukemono and natto made from cucumbers and soybeans grown in the dojo's gardens. She won't buy pre-packaged foodstuffs without checking the nutritional label. Too much sugar or sodium, and it goes back on the store shelf. Everyone she cooks for will eat the same thing she does, no exceptions. And are you really gonna argue with her about it?

Sayaka got tired of waiting for her dad to get home from the office with some cheap sushi pack he picked up on the way. So she taught herself how to make simple tasty meals that wouldn't require her to operate the stove and risk starting an apartment fire. She took the same Home Ec courses Makoto did in middle school and not surprisingly made better grades in them. Now Sayaka enjoys preparing low-calorie snacks for her bandmates when they have spare time. It helps her focus on something besides the dance step she flubbed in rehearsal or the way the label's new PR guy keeps leering at her.

One of Toko's early novels, "Fresh Baked Love", centers on a shy girl who wins the heart and appetite of her crush by becoming an award-winning chef. It's based on a longstanding fantasy of hers. As is, the only thing she makes consistently well are chocolates. Every year Toko prepares a huge bagful for her dream boy of the moment… and every year it ends up in the trash, unopened. BTW, her chocolatiering expertise does not carry over to her Genocide Jack alter… and if that switch has flipped, the question of who's preparing dessert is the least of your problems.

Yasuhiro's mother always treasured and complimented her son's attempts at cooking, even if they were barely edible. Consequently, Hiro labors under the delusion that he's a whiz in the kitchen. But he fails to notice how everything he makes always comes out burnt, underdone, dried out, soaked in too much sauce, bitter, crumbly, or some combination of the above. You can let him help with meal prep, but don't leave him unsupervised, always have backup ingredients ready in case he messes something up… and make sure he's wearing a hairnet, kerchief, or something similar.

Hajime is mostly indifferent about food, cooking it or eating it--unless you're talking about mochi. Then he gets weirdly finicky and sensitive about the virtues of kusamochi (his favorite) over sakuramochi (which he can't stand). In line with his non-Ultimate status, he's an average cook, capable of boiling rice, making sandwiches, and working the okonomiyaki stand at the school festival so long as he has help. His Izuru alter, being the Ultimate Everything, has the potential to be a master chef… but he has other priorities.

When you grow up foraging, scavenging, or even fighting for every meal, you learn how to improvise. Put Akane in a kitchen and she'll start looking through cabinets and containers, rifling through the fridge like a raccoon in a trashcan, quickly coming up with a combination of this, that, and the other thing that will feed her and everybody else in the house. Ideally, she'll find meat and plenty of it. If there isn't any, she'll find it, somehow, even if she has to kill it herself. Nothing Akane makes is remotely gourmet, but no one is going to starve on her watch.

Whatever can be said of the "Ultimate Imposter", to say they enjoy fast food is an understatement. The Imposter is practically a scholar on the merits of this chain's cheeseburgers versus another, the harmony between pizza toppings and sauces… they could pretty much write a dissertation on KFC in Japan compared to the US. But the idea of preparing their own meals is a foreign concept. Privately, they're too intimidated to try. So much effort and preparation--if they tried to replicate the foods they supposedly know so much about and fail, it would be just too embarrassing.

The eating of food, and the preparation of it for eating, is a fundamentally human concern. Hence, engaging AI Chiaki in conversation about cooking and food might inadvertently expose her status. She's learned enough from all the cooking simulation games she's played… but she doesn't have a favorite food or a least favorite. She doesn't know where milk and eggs come from, and she doesn't realize that food can spoil or not taste good. Critically, asking her to recall memories associates with certain foods generates verbatim repeated responses.

The real-life Chiaki is about as adept at cooking as her AI counterpart. She gets so engrossed in gaming that she'll forget to eat, then wonder why her stomach hurts. Then she'll take a break to grab an energy drink and a nut-and-cheese protein pack from the corner store. If she's at home, she'll raid the kitchen for cup ramen or condensed soup she'll eat straight out of the can. Preparing anything from scratch doesn't appeal to her at all. The few times she's tried have proven that it isn't as easy IRL as Cooking Mama makes it look.

Bodyguards at the Kuzuryu compound have learned not to comment on any late-night bumps and clatters coming from the kitchen. The housekeeper turns a blind eye to the occasional empty containers of sugar, flour, baking powder, and eggs that weren't in the trash when she clocked out the previous night. Everyone knows about the young master's sweet tooth, and everyone knows Fuyuhiko is above asking anyone to make the treats he secretly craves and devours in secret. Rivals aren't going to stop calling him "baby gangsta" if they see him nomming on a fried dough cookie.

Cease your labors, mortals, and behold the handiwork of the Dark Devas of Destruction! Tanaka the Forbidden One bids you gain strength and vigor from this ambrosia from the gods, his special STIR-FRIED GINGER TOFU WITH DAIKON RADISH AND SPRING ONIONS! Seriously, watching Gundham in the kitchen is like watching a cross between "Ratatouille" and "Fist of the North Star". Gundham gives the orders and the hamsters do the rest. Be forewarned that eating his mother's terrible cooking has imbued him with low standards for taste. Also, watch out for the odd bit of hamster fur in your salad.

As an arbiter and ambassador of Japanese culture, Hiyoko's family has trained her to whip up delicious full-course meals on demand. She will enthusiastically debate the merits of certain types of miso and curry over others, seasonal variations on sukiyaki, etc., all while explaining how even the worst of Japanese cooking shames the fatty, greasy slop that passes for Western "cuisine". Just… don't actually ask her to cook. That is beneath her. Hiyoko will, however, instruct you how to prepare dishes according to Saionji family standards… while telling you in excruciating detail how you're doing it all wrong.

Her voice is loud, her fashion is loud, and her music is loud… so it makes sense that Ibuki likes her food loud, too. Her standard cooking technique involves flavor-blasting everything to a degree Guy Fieri would find excessive. Sauces! Gravies! Dressing! Hot peppers! And mouth-burning, sinus-clearing amounts of spices, the more obscure the better. Each meal, regardless of what it is, comes with a side of heavily seasoned rice. It's all prepared while she blasts noise metal out of the speakers she's hooked up--which is fine, since you might not want to hear about how she "kicked up" those croquettes.

If you're fixing a propane grill--or modding it out so it can cook fifty burgers at once and alert you when each one has reached 74 degrees C in internal temperature--it makes sense that you know how the food the equipment prepares is supposed to taste. Kazuichi is indifferent about food and drink; all he cares about is that the cola isn't diet and you brought enough grub to share. But he knows what things are supposed to taste like and how to use and fix the machines so they taste that way. If that counts as knowing how to cook… then Kazuichi knows how to cook.

Mahiru's mother was more often "on assignment" than not, and her shiftless father wouldn't even take his discarded takeout containers out to the trash. Ever the resourceful one, Mahiru pulled up some recipes on her laptop, printed them out, bought the necessary provisions, and after considerable trial and error taught herself how to prepare basic dinners for two. And ever the photographer, Mahiru takes photos of everything she makes before she digs in, even if it doesn't look as pretty and put-together as the online examples.

Mikan will be the first to tell you she's an awful cook and anything she makes is unfit for human consumption. On this point, she exaggerates. She only thinks she can't cook because she inevitably drops a plate, spills the salad dressing, slices herself with a knife, or falls over in a heap and somehow ends up with the kitchen trashcan spilling all over her. With some assistance, she can pull off a lunch or dinner that is fit to eat and, more importantly, is healthy, low-fat, properly portioned, and high in fiber to help you maintain regular bowel movements.

Dinner time. Nagito is cooking, so you steel yourself for the worst. You're pleasantly surprised to discover nothing amiss. The garden salad, the roast chicken, the side potatoes, and the chocolate cake are all wonderful. But your nagging suspicions compel you to peek inside the kitchen. Sure enough, various ingredients are splattering the counters and walls. There are scorch marks on the ceiling, which drips with fire extinguisher foam. A cabinet door is hanging by its hinges. The dishwasher is halfway open, revealing the exploded remains of the toaster.

Eager to prove herself worthy of being the Ultimate Gangster's little sister, Natsumi actively seeks new ways to protect her family against rivals and upstarts. One of these, oddly enough, involves playing the part of hostess. She's read how Lucrezia Borgia and other poisoners took out their enemies undetected, and lately she's been… experimenting. Recently, a former "business partner" of her father's spent two weeks in intensive care with stomach inflammation. No one except Fuyu has made the connection to the purin custard Natsumi prepared for dessert when he came by for supper.

You get out of the human body what you put into it. Different bodies require different meals to help them reach their potential as athletes. One of Nekomaru's hidden talents is finding out what food they need. Count on him to help you bulk up, slim down, or otherwise condition yourself for your chosen sport. The one common element to all Nekomaru's diet plans is an efficient digestive system, not weighed down with excess material in the gut. With him as your coach, you'll eat like an champion, perform like a champion… and shit like a champion!

Ryota can draw food that looks so mouth-watering you'll want to eat it right off the screen. But actually making it? The most difficult part will be pulling him away from his computer set-up and out of his room. Once you get him in the kitchen, he can follow instructions, but he may rush things and cut corners so he can get this distraction out of his way, with disastrous results. Furthermore, he'll whine the entire time that he doesn't have time for this and he can't do anything that injures his hands and whipping this batter by hand is exhausting. Maybe you should just send the boy back to his studio.

Sworn to protect the Kazuryu bloodline, Peko is prepared for any contingency. She's trained to recognize when food has been tampered with and has occasionally functioned as a taste-tester. She can also prepare simple meals from edible berries and plants in case she and her charges are ever trapped in the wilderness. Peko would like to learn more advanced cooking techniques--like how to make those cookies the young master likes. But she's never pursued that interest. Her blade is meant for protecting the family, not chopping vegetables.

The Kingdom of Novaselic requires its royals and heirs to be reasonably self-sufficient, so Sonia's picked up a few "commoner" skills like meal prep. But she's far better at planning dinners than preparing them. And by "dinner", Sonia means grand banquets full of distinguished guests. To her, fifty people counts as an intimate gathering. Bring the appetizers out at five, the main at six, dessert and coffee come out right after the applause stops from the ambassador's speech… oh, and the Grand Duchess is allergic to fennel, so can we find an alternative to that soup that still complements the veal?

Teruteru's reputation in this arena precedes him, does it not? Give the guy enough time and he can put together a seven-course meal in the Sahara Desert. But Teruteru keeps meals for family friends simple yet succulent, from the miso soup to the castella served for dessert. Every dish is one he learned at his mother's knee and as a backup chef at the family restaurant, yet flawlessly executed. Even his renditions of basics like fish ball soup explode with a kaleidoscope of flavor. Don't forget to pre-order his new cookbook "Meals My Mama Taught Me" wherever books are sold!

Komaru does okay in her Home Ec classes, but within the humble kitchen of the Naegi household, she becomes a culinary nightmare. Her sense of taste is quite frankly not normal (favorite foods include sparrow’s nest, tuna eyeballs, and kangaroo meat) and this completely warps the way she cooks. Her family, Makoto included, usually take one bite of whatever she's cooked, try not to retch, tell her it’s good but they’re not hungry right now, and discreetly sneak the abomination, container and all, into the outside garbage. Komaru’s never realized why her family goes through pots and pans so quickly.

None of the Warrior of Hope kids would be any help in the kitchen. Masaru primarily eats whatever he can shoplift. Nagisa’s parents provided their lab rat with such meager rations that he has no concept of what makes a decent meal. Kotoko had servants preparing her meals, and her mother was interested in teaching her… other skills besides the domestic. Monaca will feign helplessness to get out of kitchen duty—you don’t expect a little girl in a wheelchair to fend for herself, do you? Jataro might be able to help, if you can convince him cooking can be a form of art and if you can get him to focus.

Outside of its potential role in poisoning cases, Shuichi gives little thought to food. His parents were either too busy working or traveling to spend time with him (cooking or otherwise), and his aunt took care of dinner when he moved in with her and his uncle. Home Ec is his least favorite subject in school, and at home he’d sooner do laundry than help in the kitchen. He’ll grudgingly fix simple snacks to keep his belly from rumbling, or he’ll pick up something from the corner store. Maybe the right person could show him how fun cooking can be, and how it can distract him and help him relax.

One of Kaede’s worst fears is something happening to her hands that stops her from playing the piano. This includes cutting or burning her fingers while cooking. Hence, she avoids excessive kitchenwork. She can whip up a few sandwiches or appetizers, using pre-sliced meats and cheeses. Clean oven mitts and potholders are a must, and she avoids using any cutlery sharper than a butter knife. Perhaps the only reason to have her in the kitchen at all is meal-planning. She’s been hosted at many high-class dinners by her wealthy patrons, and she knows what makes a successful soiree.

The natives on the island where Angie lives happily cook for her—providing needed sustenance to the oracle of Atua is a high honor. But sometimes Angie receives messages from Atua calling on her to return the favor, so she prepares huge meals for the people attending her festivals. If you love Polynesian cooking and plenty of it, Angie’s your girl. She can prepare slow-cooked pork cooked in a dug-out oven, poke and ceviche made with wild-caught fish, and grilled chicken in any number of sweet and savory sauces, all with generous sides of coconut rice and her favorite avocados.

In mountains, Gonta learn how to hunt food and make fire to cook food. But Gonta no good in kitchen. Gonta really no good in fancy kitchen back home. Break everything. Burn and cut hands. Gonta like to cook outdoors around fire pit, where smoke go up in air and not make beeping sound. Plenty of room to move around and not knock things over. Gonta good at barbecue! Gonta know how to cook any kind of meat tender and safe enough to eat while not burnt. Bug friends help Gonta find fresh fruit and vegetables to go with meat. You not go hungry in woods when Gonta with you!

Himiko may specialize in grand spectacles, but no mage is worth her wand without knowing a few magic potions. There’s one she keeps handy for curing minor illnesses. It requires a whole chicken, roasted and deboned. Then she forms a dough and cuts it into noodles. For the base she'll need butter, celery, carrots, garlic, assorted spices, and the best chicken stock available. Himiko carefully mixes the concoction, bringing it to a boil before letting it cool. Those uninitiated to her magic circle can’t speak for its curative powers, but they agree it’s the best homemade chicken soup they’ve ever had.

Between his regressive gender attitudes and his inherent machismo, Kaito disregards cooking as girly and undignified. He'll only fix his own meals if there isn’t a female around to do it for him. His grandmother did all the cooking for him, and the only thing he learned from her was not to touch a hot stove. With some reverse psychology—telling Kaito he can’t do something always flips a switch—he might try his hand at “manly” culinary arts like grilling. Don’t try talking him into anything more, or you’ll be subjected to a lengthy diatribe on the superiority of freeze-dried food.

Cooking is a part of the human experience that Kiibo was designed to replicate. He can follow the instructions in a recipe to produce decent meals, but he might not notice if the eggs have gone bad or a malfunctioning broiler has undercooked the fish. His "experiments" to create new dishes humans will enjoy resemble current AI attempts to replicate art and writing. Recent creations include pudding-filled rice balls, beer-battered steak in a strawberry-marmalade reduction, an "eggplant cake" with a peanut-butter glaze, and something called a "chickenloaf" served with bechamel sauce.

She doesn’t make a big deal about it, but Kirumi’s culinary abilities almost match Teruteru's. What she lacks in delicacy and nuance, she makes up for in resourcefulness. Her larder is always stocked with ample supplies of vegetables, pasta, cheese, eggs, beans, and a variety of meats and seafood. This way, Kirumi can fix any number of hearty, energy-packed meals and snacks for important people making important decisions, often late at night. For more formal functions, she is equally capable of finding a suitable caterer or commanding an entire kitchen staff to prepare state dinners.

Any city where D.I.C.E. sets up shop, all the best grocery stores and fine-dining establishments are burglarized within the week. They lose their best cuts of meat, their priciest liquor… and every last bottle of soda. Kokichi's army of merry pranksters marches on its stomach. If he's somehow dragooned into feeding people outside his organization, they can expect "fun" additions and improvizations on whatever's being served. Sorry, Kokichi, but no one else found the creamed spinach-filled-bonbons as funny as you did. Especially considering the spinach was cooked in Carolina Reaper hot sauce.

Korekiyo's world travels have exposed him to the culinary delights of a hundred or more cultures. But as his beanpole physique suggests, food is not a priority for him. He eats whatever's available--since sometimes he's had to eat grubs and insects just to survive or sample utterly vile local delicacies, like live octopus in Korea or surströmming that one time in Sweden. There is this chocolate mille crepe cake he makes, his beloved sister's favorite. Kiyo will occasionally prepare one, but only for very special girls, the kind his sister would have liked…

You need help preparing dinner, and Maki's the only one available. She sighs bitterly, but despite her initial reluctance she immediately sets to work. By the time she's done, she's taken over, preparing omurice for the main with sides of potato salad and yakitori and a giant bowl of zosui. She seals the deal with coconut thumbprint cookies with red bean jam. She confides in you that she used to cook like this all the time for other kids at the orphanage… and honestly, she's just happy to prepare dishes she doesn't have to spike with arsenic or cyanide.

The brilliant inventor Miu Irumi has better things to do than fuck around in the kitchen preparing num-nums for numb-nuts. She has been known to prepare special baked goods for boys she likes--pie with her her hair in it, cookies containing her fingernails, chocolate made with her blood, etc. So maybe it's better for all concerned that she stays in her workshop. She's memorized the numbers of every takeout place in the neighborhood that delivers, so all she has to do is answer the door, wolf down lunch while watching some kiddie show, and then go back to her current project.

Rantaro is basically a teenage Anthony Bourdain, having been a hundred or more places across the globe and picking up at least one recipe or cooking style everywhere he's been. Linguine carbonara from Italy, churrasco from Brazil, pad thai from Thailand, Nashville hot chicken from America… would you care for some jollof rice, and if so do you prefer it Nigerian or Ghanaian style? Rantaro has sworn to prepare all these dishes for his gaggle of sisters once he finally tracks them down--he's come a long way since the days of fixing them riceballs and pancakes.

Ryoma has a few favorite recipes he'll share if asked. They're surprisingly good for someone whose palate has been exposed to a steady diet of prison food. But… you might notice a theme. Turkey meatballs? Salmon patties? Sardine omelettes? And then there's his special tuna and rice. Yep, you're eating homemade cat food, the same recipes Ryoma lovingly prepared for his beloved Russian Blue a lifetime ago. Storebought industrial kibble just wouldn't do. Stop complaining--you've had a full serving of protein, fiber, and vitamin D. At least he didn't sneak a vitamin pill into it.

Tenko's master tried teaching her how to cook, thinking it would encourage focus, discipline, patience, etc. He failed miserably, but some of the cooking lessons stuck. She's particularly good at the art of nabemono--preparing hot pot dishes. She takes care in selecting the appropriate pot, seasoning the stock just right, and picking out only the choicest cuts of meat and vegetables… especially tripe, her favorite of all. If you identify as male, make sure to thank her appropriately after the meal to keep her from knife-handing you in the face.

Anyone can tell you that the fabric and accessories required for serious cosplay cost serious cash. Tsumugi paid those costs and her dues by bartending at various clubs and bars, using a skillful application of makeup to convince employers she was an adult. She's learned how to fix any number of cocktails on demand and she knows a few tricks of the trade, like substituting the cheap stuff for top-shelf liquor once patrons have their buzz on. She can also fix a fair number of pub snacks, especially the salty stuff that makes people thirsty.

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[the-real-things-tournament]

0.5mm Pencil Lead

2002 Honda Civic

320 Pack Glitter Gel Pens

A Blunt

A Candle That Smells Like Fragrant Evergreens

A Copy of "The Book Thief" (2005) by Markus Zusak

A Daisychain

A DVD Copy of Over the Hedge (2006)

A Train

Ace of Spades Playing Card

Adderall

Adipose Plushie

Adorable Cow Creamer

Airpods

An Innumerable Amount of Lost DS Styli

Animal Shaped Rubber Bands

AP French Exam Packet

Argon (The Element)

Aviator Goggles

Baguette Body Pillow

Battery

Bead Maze

Beaded Curtain

Beanbag Chair

Bed

Beehive

Best Rock

Big Drinking Fountain

Black Out Curtains

Blanket

Blue Jeans

Blåhaj/Ikea Shark

Bread

Bright Orange VHS for the Rugrats Movie

Broken Alarm Clock

Bubble Toy

Bucket

Bur Oak Tree

Buttons (for clothes)

Can of Beans

Cast Iron Pan

Cat Collar With Bell

Chalk Boards

Cheese Grater

Chew Necklace

Chicxulub Impactor

Claw Hairclip

Clip-On Earrings

Clock

Coconut Broom

Colored Fairy Lights

Comically Oversized Lollypop

Construction Cone

Contraception

Crane Machine

Crayons

Dead Baby Possum Killed by Chihuahua (RIP)

Digivice V-pet

Dildo

Dirigible

Dirty Glass Bottle You Find In The Woods

Disinfecting Wipes

Dice

Dragon Ball Z Volume 4 (Manga Paperback)

Drinking Bird Desk Toy

Earth

Egg Slicer

Elementary School Yearbook

Empty Pizza Box

Every Basket

Every Knife

Eye Mug From a School Ceramics Sale

Fake Dictionary Lockbox

Fancy Showerhead

Fantasia 2000 VHS Tape

Fencing Mask

Ferrofluid

Finger Cymbals

Finger Cymbols

Fingerless Gloves (made of wool)

Flower Bush By The Pavement On The Street

Four Seasons Puzzle

Froggy Chair

Furby

Furby

Garden Gloves With Claws

Garlic

Gendang

Generic Paw Of A Monkey

Geode

Glow in the Dark Celing Stars

Glow Stick Liquid

"god i wish that were me" Screenshot

Golden Acorn Statue

Googly Eyes

Guitar

Half An Onion

Halloween Skeleton Decoration

Hand Mixer From The '60s

Haunted Callie Calamari Doll That Drinks All Your Pepsi and Calls You a Bitch

Heart-Shaped Glasses

Holly the Dragon Beanie Boo

Homemade Hand Sanitizer

Hurdy Gurdy

Ice Cube

Ice Maker

Japanese 5 Yen Coin

Kids Watercolor Set

Kitchen Sink

Knockoff Garfield Plush

Knäckebröd

La Croix Sparkling Water Pamplemousse

Late Night Infomercials

Lavender Scented Candle

LEGO Spring 2007 Catalog

Lightning McQueen Crocs

Lindt Gold Bunny

Lint Roller

Lip Smackers Watermelon Chapstick

LNER Peppercorn Class A1 60163 Tornado

Lobster Ornament

Loch and Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster Ladles (one solid, one with strainer holes)

Loofah

Lun-Class Ekranoplan

Mammatus Cloud

Manatea Tea Infuser

Meat Cleaver

Meat Tenderizer

Mechanical Pencil

Microscope

Microwave

Mini Cuban Flag on Plant

Mini Fan

Monopoly Dog Piece

Mop

NA Mazda Miata (Specifically With Googly Eyes)

Native American Fire Opal Blade

Nebula

Nokia Phone 3310 (2000)

Occlupanids

Old Faithful

One Crouton

One Flavor Blasted Cheddar Goldfish

Onion Chopper/Mini Food Processer

Opalized Fossil

Oumuamua

Our Sun

Paint Tube

Palm Leaf Rose

Paper Crown

Paper Leaves

Paracetamol Tablet

Pencil

Pizza

Plastic Lightsaber

Plastic Play Food Set

Polly Pocket Website (circa 2005)

Popstar Microphone

Potato

"Previously on X-Men" (YouTube Video)

Rainbow Desk Lamp Christmas Gifted By Aunt

Rainbow Pride Flag

Red Bouncy Ball

Rice

Rocking Horse

Roller Skates

Rounde (Sheep Plush Adored by Friend Group)

Rubik's Cube

Russian Nesting Doll

Salt and Vinegar Chips

Sand-Filled Frog Toy Named Floppy

School Chair Attached To Desk

Screwdriver

Seattle Space Needle

Seki Edge Nail Clippers

Sewing Pin

Sharpie

Shoe Insoles

Shoelaces (From The President)

Silver Hoop Earrings

Simply Southern T-Shirt

Single Macaroni Noodle

Siren Percussion Instrument

Slap Bracelets

Sliced Bread

Slinky

Slip N' Slide

Slotted Spoon

Snowman Headband

Solar Eclipse Sunglasses

Soviet-Era Apartment Complex

Spamton Plush

Sparkly DND Dice That Look Like They Should Be Edible But Aren't

Spoon

Squirmles

Squishmallows

Squishy Water Tube Toy

Stained Glass

Stand-Up Bass

Starbucks Coffee Cup

Steel/Metal Pipe

Stick (From the Ground)

Stop Sign

Stuffed Animals

Styrofoam

Subway Employee Hat

Swiffer

Tamagotchi

The Bible

The Demon Core

The Entirely Of Wikipedia Printed Out

The Giant Canadian Rubber Duck

The International Space Station

The Internet

The Kaaba

The Milky Way

The Mona Lisa

The Moon

The Spinx

The Statue Of The Shoe That Almost Hit George Bush

The Tiny Jack Hiding In The Wall Of My Trunk For When I Have A Flat Tire

The Transistor

The Voynich Manuscript

The Wheel

The World Trade Center (WTC)

The Zener Diode

Theremin

TI-84 Graphing Calculator

Tofu

Tom Scott's Best Thing Survey

Torn Apart Skunk Dog Toy

Trans Flag

Tumblr Anon Hatemail

Tungsten Cube

Two Paper Cockatiels On A Wire Stand On My Desk

Umbrella Hat

Unicorn Pillow Pet

Vicks Vaprorub

Vincent Van Gogh's Sunflowers Painting

Vintage Railway Poster

Walkable City

Water

Water Bottle

Water Snake Wiggler

White Boards

White Out

Wind Chime

Wings of Fire Slightly Used Coloring Book

Wireless Headphones

Working McDonalds Ice Cream Machine

www.hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com

Xbox 360

Yoga Ball

Yu-Gi-Oh Cards

Zipper

Ōdachi

[atplblog]

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