#posts that have sat in my drafts for a while
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idlenight · 6 months ago
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(post reveal crash)
Chen: why are you drinking coffee straight out of the pot. You’re gonna get a hole in your stomach drinking that much.
River, pointing at his regene tattoos: im build different.
Chen: unless they gave you a steel stomach i really doubt it.
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phosphorus-noodles · 8 months ago
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thinking about fallen angel bards in beautiful hawaiian shirts again btw. if you even care
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ovenproofowl · 6 months ago
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Bottom of the Food Chain
The appetite goes first.
No one ever gets that part right. Easy to write off as a million other things. Sickness, stress, change in the wind. Doesn't matter. Point is, food no longer means anything to you.
Probably for the best. Means you can spend more time doing stuff, right? Skip breakfast every day, no need to sit down for lunch. The evening just flies by.
And then you're back.
No need for water, either. Y'know, that basic human right that everyone squabbles over? Not you. Not anymore. Now there's no need for bathroom breaks. You count that as a win, you can never find anywhere private here, anyway. There's always a cubicle closed for one reason or another.
Sometimes you hear whimpering through the cracks.
You don't sleep anymore. Maybe it's the stress.
Nights are wide open now, so they call you in. Extra dosh, shifts wide open that no one else has the right mind to take. But your mind is just right. Ever since you stopped eating.
There's others like you, that's the thing. No one talks about them, those crazy zombie idiots who take 18 hour shifts just to feel alive. Must be snorting a line on the side to power them through, but it's a big company and if the CEOs can do it, who's stopping the little guy?
You sometimes check the mirror just to make sure your face is still there. Been a while since you've felt it. All the muscles have gone numb. You prod and poke at your sagging skin, practically sloughing off bone.
Someone's crying in the cubicle behind you.
Well, the toilet still needs to be used for something, you suppose.
Time's gone all weird. All craggy around the edges. How long have you been here, really? What decades have slipped by past your notice? You're still the same. Can’t eat, can't sleep, but hey, you look good. Bones so prominent it could be Botox, but you don't have the cash to burn on that, no matter how many hours you work.
You work every hour. Home's a distant memory. Friends and family are long gone, left behind or aged out of their skin. Sounds like a personal problem. You don't discuss those anymore, not since the crying moved behind the walls.
Time's no longer kind to you. It happens to us all, eventually. But you were meant to be different. The perfect machine.
You're malfunctioning. We all do. Don't be so hard on yourself.
They don't want you near the execs. Soon, the smell is too much for even their expensive cologne to disguise. They put you on the phoneline for a while, conveniently out of sight, right until your jawbone snaps off and your tongue lolls out and sputters.
No voice, no worries, they can still make use of you yet. You'll clean the floors till your arms waste away and even then, pieces of you can always be repurposed.
We're all about sustainability, here.
The rich always want to live forever, but that gift isn't for them. They don't put their whole body into the company like you, they don't make the same sacrifices. They're envious of you, you know? They'd kill to be as skinny as you are now.
Maybe their names will be immortal, but you, my friend, you are.
Your blood is in this company. You'll never die.
Hey... why are you crying?
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ramblings-of-a-sad-poet · 2 months ago
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obsession with the outsiders is back bc i read it again and i have the immense need to be annoying about it
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crossbackpoke-check · 3 months ago
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I just need you to know I was reading your tags on the Sillinger/Fantilli Deadpool/Wolverine gifset going "YES THE EYE CONTACT! AND COLE'S WHOLE FACE JOURNEY! AND *OH MY GOD* ADAM'S HAND ALMOST BUT NOT GRIPPING AT COLE'S BICEP" like that near grip Adam took had me fainting like a fucking Victorian era man who saw a woman's bare ankles like W.H.A.T.
I neeeeed to write them omg.
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ANON. ANON!!!! please. write them!!!!! and send me a link if/when you do 😇 i’ll prepare my fainting couch (the floor)
#shout out to the columbus blues org for last year deciding they were going to pair up adam and cole for all their nhl (???) playoff media#we really. i still have the world’s worst powerpoint presented by adam and cole in my drafts somewhere and i can’t post it#bc i wanted to make a fake PowerPoint to put on the screen as a joke & it was funny but i didn’t write it down before I went to bed so :/#liv in the replies#also like. what was up w/that nhl?? why them 😭 not complaining just so confused. adam hype wasn’t at its peak NOR was tate mcrae revenge#so they really were like. Hmmm. I like these two little freaks. this one is well-trained. let’s use him#like do you ever think about the blessing that the UMich social girlies bestow on nhl media teams by training all of these men so well.#they do not skip a SINGLE question they will be bullied into it they will give you an answer even if it’s stupid god bless.#adam fantilli#cole sillinger#columbus blue jackets#i REFUSE to admit defeat at the hands of the umich boys#worm. worm. WORM!!!#as we all know i don’t have the slightest idea who cole sillinger is irl but i DO want him to be involved with his teammates.#love thy goalie love thy stunning star prospect… OHHHHH NARRATIVE UNLOCKED OH NOOOOO COLE KNOWS HE’S NOT THAT GOOD SO HE TAKES CARE OF#EVERYONE ELSEEEEEE OH NOOOOOO this message brought to you a) by my elvis merzlikins agenda at all time so that whole sentence but b) by me#mid-realization trying to be like Cole’s not like. bad right you can’t say this but then remembering everyone pulling out his stats to do#him dirty while the whole tate mcrae breakup/release of details was going down and i was like oh actually. like he could be. ALSO on that#note which was so messy i do have to say that news was a shock bc i knew cole sillinger from years prior when everyone held him up like a#bug they pulled from under a rock like who is THIS after he sat front row at fashion week to support his gf so. the threads of this ALSO#come from the initial vision of ‘damn isn’t this a nice one?? a nice hockey??? like lmfaoooo you guys he’s the wag and loves it’) but. this#is also my failing as a storyteller that I love this and will put it in everything but. service kink accommodating for others to give what#he thinks he can’t to allow them to be better. also just. i watched him clean adam fantilli’s floors you can’t go up from that. ANYWAY
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dizzybevvie · 9 months ago
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boy how do you reblog such great things
been cultivating my dash for years. i also found most of them in my drafts
#looked at my drafts to find a Rb about my day / the boy i like (☕) BUT. IT ATE JT LMAO POST IS GONE#however i will do it here and now#SO IT WAS “CULTURE DAY” TODAY BUT MOST PPL USE IT AS NON UNIFORM DAY#I go in & see ☕ in form and go to assembly blah blah blah dont see him again until 3rd period#i sit behind him in english bc we have a room change and i have an excuse hes sososo funny and talks to me like the whole time#same as biology but he got kicked out for talking too much lol#then at lunch he disappears nd im a little bummed BUT HE APPEARS FROM THE HALL AND INVITES ME#so i go and bring my friends too and we sit while he & some younger years dance#and hes dancing and slaying etc etc all flamboyant /pos /pos /pos sometimes on the stage sometimes near us#near us he looks. fucking DEAD into my eyes and sings along to the song when its like “i know you like me” or sum#NDJSBDJSBE AHHHHH#and im sat a little away from the group but he sits with me specifically#friendgroup takes a pic without me really noticing & my friend Annabelle jokingly goes “why is Bev looking at ☕ with so much love”#I laugh it off. but ohhh ny god u have no idea. i was heart eyes motherfucker the whole time#HES SO CUTE IM SCREAAAAMING WITH THE WAY HIS KIPPAH KINDA MOVES HIS HAIR & HIS NEW GLASSES & SHIRT THAT ISNT UNIFORM SO I CAN SEE HIS WAIST#UGHFJSBSKSB MY GOD MY GOD MY GOD#hes so cool its so scary to be around him#then in PE we were meant to habe just dance for the last 2 weeks but theres been no available room#our group were in the gym but we got permission to wonder around instead#☕ says “whatre you doing?” i say “walking aimlessly” and he says “OH MY GOD PERFECT SAME LETS DO IT TOGETHER”#so him & me & my friends r walking and then im like. can we play just dance in the tennis courts#So he gets it on his phone starts playing and dibs me as a partner for Girlfriend and Timber. oh my sweet lord.#GODDD HES SO PRETTY AND FUNNY AND COOL IM OBSESSED WITH HIM OH MY GOD.#so anyway. thats the answer to your question LMAOOO#loz tag#asks#beverly says stuff#the bev is gay chronicles#☕#like before i wasnt sure if i LIKE-LIKED him or if it was hyperfix or smthn. im now 100%sure i really really like him
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frodo-with-glasses · 2 years ago
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(burning the memories of when you were mine- denethor to faramir) i'm so sorry ~meg
HJFGHLKSKGDJKFSJHDH—
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symbiotic-slime · 1 year ago
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@mysticalgalaxysalad @fist-of-vengeance @cyborg-empress @kitausuret @reaperlight
@scarletsp1der @bluebladerose @bennyfrmthelgomovi @abstract-shape @idealism-sits-in-prison
@random-trash-animal @merelypassingtime @rhysfiona @venomorphs @classicconundrum
@horrorandwhores @junijupi 🫶🫶🫶
rb to knead your mutual with your paws
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ooc-miqojak · 1 month ago
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The thing is
it still hurts
to know -
You meant so very little
as to mean nothing at all
The thing about ADHD, and fair-weather friends... is that emotional dysfunction means that your friends mean a lot to you. They're SO important to you - and sure, just like with a bad romantic partner you've broken up with, people will say "You saved so much time by having them walk away sooner, rather than later! If they're so fickle as to believe the first lie they've been told about you, without even coming to you to talk about it, you're better off without that person in your life!" It doesn't matter to me if we've been friends for years, or a couple months - I still would have gone to that friend to discuss what I was told, to clarify and see if it's true. I would still offer grace for mistakes, and talk it out. Losing people I consider friends, or even people that are acquaintances that are on the track to becoming friends... is devastating. It makes you feel sub-human to think about how easily someone will cut you out if you do so much as have a different opinion - or if you set normal, healthy boundaries, and they're not allowed to cross those boundaries. Walking on eggshells because you'll be witch-hunted for having a differing opinion has genuinely driven me to be solitary...and depressed because of it. This kind of toxic positivity is so bad in the XIV community, that I'm not the only one pulling away - I have a list of friends who left in a hurry because of the toxic positivity culture in the XIV RP community. It's bad everywhere now, but I've watched the rapid decline of the XIV community into a pack of witch-hunting purists who attack anyone who disagrees with whatever the popular opinions of the time are... since 2019. During my first couple of years in this community, the worst issue was sexual abuse of a friend of mine by major players in the community, but I've watched friends drop like flies every year, until I'm alone...and those friends will rant in Discord DMs, but never openly... because the XIV community will come for your throat and lie about you, and harass you until you're either suicidal, or you leave the game/community, or both.
I've had someone I consider to basically be my best friend outright lie and hide something from me before... out of an impulse to not hurt me with the truth - and the thing is, we're all human. I told that person to never fucking lie to me again, because... well, I don't lie, and I don't deal with liars... but I knew where this person was coming from. The intent was good... the execution was hurtful.
Sometimes, we make mistakes. Sometimes, you've just been told a lie, or only been shown a carefully selected piece of information meant to paint a person in a bad light... but sometimes? People just fuck up.
I'm no devout christian or the like, and I don't expect any strangers on the internet reading this to be, either... but they were onto some shit when Jesus told some guys about to stone a woman to death to let he who is without sin cast the first stone, you know? You don't have to practice any faith in the world, to know the truth in those words.
Are your hands clean?
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dawntheduckrb · 11 months ago
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Low resolution borb chilling on the curb
#tag wall#i sat and watched this little fella#it found a bug! so awesome#broski was nibbling away#my dad made biscuits and gravy this morning and omg they were heavenly#im convinced the closer the gravy looks to actual prison slop the better it is#bc omg#i was nibbling away too#food ramble sorry; its just been a while since i had them and i cant seem to make a rue w/o messing it up so im super grateful#anyway ive been drawing tiny things here and there#i've decided i wont post them still#half of the problem was i just too busy trying to draw 'for fun' so i could post something on my main#so when i sat down to draw for myself i just couldn't do it#the hiatus seems to have helped with that because im actually making small stuff again#*but*#the other half of the issue i was having was checking my activity page too much#it was a bit obsessive if im being honest and it still kind of is#so while that issue needs to be corrected still#for now it's going under the rug; if i post doodles on my alt like i said i might#I'll still be checking for notes and i simply dont have the time or headspace for that#<<<none of that is in a negative tone btw! im doing much better than i was a few weeks ago! not 100% still but baby steps :3#I'm putting the drawings i make in my drafts and marking the date on each post#whenever finals are over I'll load them up in a queue and start posting them!#that way i can still get my thoughts out of my system without defeating the purpise of the hiatus#**purpose i am not fixing that#ok that's all bye bye 🦆🦆#not rb
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chuluoyi · 7 months ago
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࿐ ࿔ 🕰️ 「 05:56 P.M 」
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this has been rotting in my drafts for like months :'D based on a suggestion idea a while back—how gojo will definitely land himself in a police station, and since i have no better fic to share yet, i'll just post this :')
a part of gojo's love entries
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everyone—or particularly, nanami—has warned you that marrying gojo satoru is going to be far from easy.
and true, less than a month since the two of you were married, he had landed himself in a police station. police station! of all places!
still, you were worried when you got the call, but when you rushed inside the place, all your worries—
“i’m telling you! i’m innocent!”
“sir, please don’t raise your voice here!”
“YOU are raising your voice against me!”
—evaporated. because… what the hell?
satoru, looking cross as if he owned the whole precinct, sat with his legs crossed high. he wore all black and his eyes was covered by that stupid blindfold. and with that haughty attitude, if someone accused him of being a suspicious person, now you would totally understand.
you were fuming as you stomped to where he was. “satoru!”
“oh?!” he turned to you with a wide grin, then to the officer in front of him, pointing at you. “look! i’ve been telling you. i have a wife— and there she is!”
the officer eyed you suspiciously as if he wanted to confirm your identity, and you huffed. “it pains me to admit that i’m his wife—”
“wha?! it ‘pains’ you?! i’m hurt!”
“—but yes, i am. officer, what do i have to do to get him out here?”
you could’ve sworn the officer gave you a look of pity. “ma’am, so we received a report that your… err, husband, was publicly harassing two students—”
you widened your eyes, turning to him accusingly. “you—!”
“i was not!” satoru fiercely interrupted, eyeing the police with clear disdain. “if i want to harass girls, shouldn’t i harass my wife first?!”
you were speechless as you shot him a look of disbelief.
“but sir, the girls said that you have been ‘leering’ at them—”
“i was just passing by! i didn’t even look at them! and when i have a wife this hot—” satoru wildly gestured at you with both hands. “what use is anything else?!”
dear lord. please give me strength. you felt like losing your head over this as you clutched your temple.
“sir, you’re being too loud!”
“i’m telling you, you’re slandering me! that’s crime too!”
this was utter chaos and you finally had enough. “both of you, just...” you breathed out— “shut up!”
both the police and your husband looked at you in surprise as you glared at them with so much ire they would have never expected out of you.
in the end, to settle this fiasco, you ended up paying the fine.
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“wifey... forgive me, please?”
satoru dejectedly followed you from behind like a sad puppy as you entered your home. “please? don’t be mad at me...”
you suddenly stopped in your tracks, before whirling to face him, squinting one eye. “you got arrested, made a fool out of yourself, and i bailed you out. so, give me three good reasons why i shouldn’t be mad at you.”
“uh, w-wait...”
“three, two—”
“i-i’m a good kisser! i let you have my body!” he blurted in panic. “and oh—while at it, i also satisfy you sooo well in bed!”
how did you end up with a clown for a husband? despite yourself, you almost laughed at his response, and satoru obviously saw it as a sign of him succeeding. and before you knew it, he leaned and pecked you in the lips.
“look at you, you just smiled!” he giddily grinned as he pulled away. “i’m right, aren’t i!?”
“ha ha...” you let out an exasperated sigh, suppressing your laugh and faint heat in your face at the same time. “satoru...”
his eyes were practically shining. “yes?!”
“you and couch. tonight.”
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dearru · 3 months ago
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who’s the cute boy with the thick accent? | a.miya
pairing: college student!miya atsumu x gn!reader | sfw | cw: cursing, atsumu being annoying, not proofread | genre: fluff ig ? | wc: 453 | masterlist
synopsis -> ATSUMU MIYA loves when people play hard to get. It’s well-known across campus that he loves the thrill of the chase. So, when he suddenly takes interest in you in the middle of the library, you know exactly what to do.
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“I’m trying to study, Miya,” you chide coolly to your university’s star setter, who’s decided to sit right across from you when there’s a dozen other empty tables he could have sat at. You stare down at your textbook, avoiding his piercing gaze.
“C’mon,” he coos, leaning in closer. You feel the air thicken, and it’s suffocating, “Ya can call me by my first name. I ain’t gonna bite.”
He claims he won’t, but his silky and persuasive tone, almost daring you to give in and look at him, suggests otherwise. Deep down, you know you’re just another prize to him— a challenge he’ll forget soon after he overcomes it. Knowing this is the only thing that holds you back from succumbing to his overwhelming charm.
You bite the inside of your cheek, trying to keep your gaze focused on the words in front of you instead of him, “I’d rather not. Thanks, though.”
He feigns an exaggerated pout for a moment before replacing it with a smug smile, “Yer really gonna say no to me?” He props his head on the table to look up at you teasingly, forcing himself into your eye view, “Yer actin’ like it’s a dirty word. ‘S just my name, ya know.”
While you know he’s only playing with you, your heart pitter-patters. Unintentionally, your gaze flickers down to his forearms resting on the table. His arms are toned and muscular, a reminder of his athletic prowess. You may be trying to ignore his advances, but you’re not blind. You’re all too aware of his stupidly cute Kansai accent, and the way his golden hair seems to glow when the sun hits it just right. It drives you crazy.
Years of practice have clearly made him a professional at knowing exactly how to push people’s buttons, and you’re no exception. You don’t want to give in. You don’t want to feel anything for him. But the way you haven’t absorbed a word of information from your textbook since he sat down is evidence enough of his affect.
If he was just another pretty face, maybe it would be different, but he has these alluring eyes that draw you in, making you forget all your inhibitions with the way they glimmer bright with a dangerous mischief.
The corner of your lips twitch into a slight smile, betraying the dirty look that you’re trying to give him, and he smiles as if he’s already won.
You’re totally fucked.
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—a/n: atsumu sucks (i need him so bad). wrote this while bored at work lol. also drafted a scene from his pov. maybe i’ll post it idk!
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reyalvr · 7 months ago
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SHE’S MINE | 02
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-SO I HOPE AND PRAY YOU MAKE IT WORTH IT.
synopsis ┊ thrust into the spotlight, ken sato had easily become the next big thing tokyo had seen in decades. alongside his fame came the inevitable string of rumors, of which sprung forth scandals and discrediting information against his image. of course the obvious and most rational solution would be to address them like every other celebrity, but this was ken sato; nothing would ever be rational with him, which is how you wound up with a ring on your finger and the sato name in your papers. 
genre ┊ fake dating, fake marriage, idiots-to-lovers, friends-to-lovers, slight angst, chaotic fluff, mild smut
pairing ┊ ken sato x fem-PA!reader, ken sato x fake-wife!reader
warnings ┊ mild cursing, eventual smut, mentions of alcohol, all events in ultraman: rising take place a year after kenji moves back to japan
word count ┊ 3.2k
author’s note ┊ YAPPEE! part two officially out- so sorry for the wait EUEUEU… hehe hope the things that happen in this chapter make up for it being a few days late :p also, i will not be accepting anymore tag list requests! this is due to the amount of users that i can tag per post T^T … nonetheless, i hope you guys enjoy the chap! happy reading :D 
p.s. i will be blocking the people who message me (rudely) to “hurry up” with the next chapters. i understand most, if not, all of you are excited to read the next chapters, but please do understand that i have my own schedule too :,)
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YOU HELD YOUR HEAD IN YOUR HANDS, GROANING INTO YOUR PALMS. In front of you sat the thorn at your side, Ken Sato. He had just finished reading- or rather, skimming through the files you had stayed up compiling. You peeked at him through your fingers before standing up to erase yet another column of pros and cons from the board. 
Taking a swig from the energy drink he had brought you, you shake your head as you try to figure out what to do next. Truth be told, you were just eager to leave. You had two weeks left until you could finally let these burdensome tasks go, all you wanted was for Ken to go along with your last few instructions so as to make your exit easier. 
“I don’t get what’s so hard about this, Ken.” You say, turning back around to face him. “You pick a girl, you ‘date’ her for a bit, and then you ‘split up’ amicably. Simple as that.” 
He tilted his head at you, a sarcastic smile on his lips. “Oh sure, yeah. Let me just go out with a random girl and act like I’m head over heels in love with her.”
“Yes, exactly that.” You reply with the same tone, going back to your seat. “Now you’re getting it!”
He rolls his eyes, placing the stapled papers back on your desk. “I get it, I fucked up. But I still don’t get why you’re so…” He pauses, pressing his lips into a thin line and gesturing with his hands. “Persistent in actually trying to get me to date someone for the sake of my screw up.”
“And I don’t get why I have to keep reminding you of why I need to do this.” You lean back into your chair while pinching the bridge of your nose. “You were the one who-”
“-’Told the entire world you were in love’, yes I know! You’ve only said that like, what, a hundred times over?” He cuts you off, crossing his arms. “I know what I did. But I also know that I have a choice in this matter, don’t I?”
You go to reply but stop when you register his words. You knew that, obviously, which is why you had multiple plans. You were giving him the chance to choose, were you not? The various notes and drafted project plans were proof of that. They were all laid out right in front of him, what more could he possibly want? You look at him briefly, your eyes scanning his expression before darting back to the things scattered atop your desk. 
“I’m giving you choices.” You say flatly, slowly looking back up at him. 
“No, you’re giving me options and expecting me to choose.” He counters, his hand gesturing towards the papers. “I’m talking about my choice. My plan, suggestion, whatever you want to call it.”
“So what is your plan? Because as far as I’m concerned, you don’t seem to actually have one.” You reply, brows slightly furrowing at his stubbornness. 
“And that’s the point. I don’t need a plan,” He pauses, pointing his finger directly onto one of the outlines and it towards you. “I just need to ride it out.”
You let out a scoff, stunned at how Ken was still treating this so lightly. The corners of your lips tug up a bit, and you end up letting out a soft laugh in disbelief. “You’re unbelievable.”
“Am I, though?” He leans back, maintaining eye contact with you. “It’s the choice that takes the least effort. And besides, I thought you liked it when I kept things private.”
“Oh, don’t circle this back to me.” You say, pointing a finger at him. “Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to address your little mishaps?” 
“Yes, I do. Which is why I’m trying to help you.” He says a-matter-of-factly, his eyebrows raising as if to emphasize how much he understands what your job entails. 
“No, you don’t.” You argue back, mimicking his crossed arms.
“Were you always this stubborn?” Ken says, catching you off guard. 
You feel your features scrunch up in confusion and annoyance, narrowed eyes slanting even more as this back-and-forth of yours keeps going. “You’re one to talk.” 
At that he smirks slightly, rolling his eyes as he pokes a tongue into his cheek. The audacity of this man to act annoyed. You think, all the while you continue to glare at him. You close your eyes for the umpteenth time that morning, taking in a deep breath as your nails dig into your palms. Despite wanting to calm yourself down, his words rang in your head like an unwanted mantra.
His choice.
Would it be so bad to give Ken free reign on this? Granted, he was the one who caused it. Why be the one to clean up his mess- again, for that matter? You pinch the bridge of your nose, shaking your head once more. You could never understand how his mind worked, and you figured you probably never would. You tapped against the desk with your pen, bouncing your leg as you pondered on what to do. 
Your plan? Everything sets sail smoothly, with only the liability being either party slips up. Which, in your defense, you could cover up in the blink of an eye. His plan? No plotline with room for spontaneous detail sharing whenever he pleased. More work for you, more freedom for him. You stopped tapping then, clicking your pen into place. In your moment of contemplation, you had realized then this entire thing was useless. His plan, your plan, all the plans. None of them mattered, not if the end result was going to be the same. 
Goddamnit, you hated Ken Sato. 
You flip one of the stapled pieces of paper over, drawing over the blank side. “The start of your first full season with the Giants is in less than fourteen days. By then we would need to have already released another press release- ideally before your conference.” 
Ken jumps slightly, caught off guard by your sudden return to work mode. He watches as you line up different keywords with boxy arrows, all of which lead up to the ‘end’ of his lie. “What exactly am I looking at?”
You flash him a smile, albeit a fake one, and slide the paper to him. “Your plan.” Leaning back in your chair, you make a show of stretching your arms. “You’re right, we should go with your plan.” 
He laughs then, noting the lingering hints of sarcasm in your tone. “[Y/N], what are you doing?”
“Giving you your choice.” You reply with a small shrug. 
“Yeah, I can see that.” He says, his smile slightly faltering. “But… why?”
“It’s your life, isn’t it?” You tilt your head to the side, your lips pressed into a thin line. 
Now it’s his turn to be confused and annoyed. The way he understood this, you were letting him win. You were waving a white flag, surrendering to his incessant pleading. He scrunched his brows, still trying to process your words. You continued to sit there, waiting eerily patiently for him to respond. 
“And you’re serious about this?” He questions once more, hesitant to believe that you of all people would back down so quickly. 
“Mhm,” You hum, fiddling with your thumbs. “I’m just your assistant. Well, for two more weeks, that is.” 
He felt like he was being played. He blinked at you, mouth slightly agape. The you that was sitting in front of him now was different from the you thirty-six hours ago. Yesterday, you were desperate for him to follow your plans. He recalled your words, ‘If you're actually as sorry as you say you are, you’ll do as I say.’ But now that you’re telling him to do exactly what he wants, he’s nervous. 
Nervous that he finally caused you to hate him for good. 
“If you’re done sitting there like I said something stupid, you can go. Coach wants to see the team, it’d be in your best favor not to be on his bad side two weeks before playoffs.” You say, not even looking at him directly. 
He clears his throat, licking his lips. “Right, well, okay.” He stands up, sliding himself into his jacket before walking towards the door. “See you, then.”
You only hum in response, still not looking at him as you continue fixing all of the papers on your desk. Just before he’s fully out of your office though, you call out to him. 
“Yeah?” He answers immediately, peeking his head through the door. 
“Have fun riding it out.” You say, flashing him a smile. A real one, this time.
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A WEEK HAD GONE BY JUST LIKE THAT. Surprisingly, Ken had been able to keep things under control. Even his comments to street paparazzis were concise, almost as if you were the one who coached him his lines. While you had expected him to do nothing, just as he suggested, you hadn’t expected him to last this long without an intervention from you. 
You sat by your window as your body sunk into your armchair, your eyes threatening to close. The early blue hues of the morning had started to break through the night sky, the clouds slowly parting to clear the sky. You typed vigorously against the keys of your laptop, eyes following the blinking cursor to prevent yourself from falling asleep right then and there. 
You had been up for hours constructing your updated résumé, keeping all your needed information concise and in one page. Despite having a well-rounded history in regards to jobs, the lingering fear of keeping yourself afloat was an inevitable burden you were scared of accidentally fulfilling. You had family, yes, but relying on them did something to your pride. Most especially since you had been low-contact ever since you abruptly moved to the city. 
Seeking help from friends was another option that was off the table. In all your years of working in the entertainment industry, the amount of people you had let into your life dwindled as you realized people’s true intentions. You had merely three people left in your life, and that was by far more than enough to keep you sane throughout the rest of your life.
You sighed heavily, rubbing your eyes with the back of your hand. Truth be told, despite the factor of having to deal with Ken, this job has been the best in terms of your benefits. He was much like you- little circle, low-contact. Even his own team was a limited number, leaving you to deal with other jobs and tasks that would otherwise be done by different people. Yes, the workload was tiring, but the pay was enough to keep you alive ten times over. You could only say a silent prayer to whoever was listening to bless you once more once you let go of this for good. 
You sat back, finally satisfied with the way your page was laid out. You faced towards your window, closing your eyes as your breathing steadied. The birds were starting to chirp, the sun casting a foggy glow through the clouds. In this moment of solitude, you allowed yourself to relax; it was more than deserved. Not like anything could happen in your sleep, right?
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WRONG, SO VERY WRONG. You groaned as you were awakened by the continuous buzzing of your phone. At first you had thought it was an alarm you had accidentally forgotten to shut off, but when it continued on, you eventually had to force yourself to wake up.
The sun was high up now, bright rays peeking through your blinds. You squinted, uncurling yourself from your chair as you got up and stretched. You yawned, scratching your head as you finally unlocked your phone. You were greeted with an endless stream of notifications, your mail app and other social media platforms pinging by the second. There was also the factor of the loud noise outside, though you made it out to be some kind of commotion or parade. 
Your screen then flashed the caller ID of an unknown number, followed by another sea of notifications. You blink yourself awake, now slightly worried at just how much texts and emails you had been receiving. Did Ken do something? Did someone die? Did Ken die?
Before you could even open any of the messages, you hear the familiar ringtone of one of your closest friends. You slide to answer, pressing your phone up to your ear. “Ami? What’s up, what’s wrong?”
She laughed, and you could practically see her shaking her head at you. “I’m guessing you just woke up? Check literally any news outlet right now, you’re gonna wanna see this.”
What the hell was going on? You mumbled something in reply, putting her on speaker as you did what she asked. 
You wished you hadn’t. In bold, bright red letters, the article’s headline read:
Extra Innings in the Press Box: Ken Sato’s Hidden Romance with Assistant Revealed! 
What you saw next nearly had you chucking your phone into the nearest wall. Attached right under the headline was you and Ken. You and Ken. You let out a curse, and you could hear the sighs coming from Ami on the other line. The picture was clearly shot from a hidden vantage point, the branches from the trees blocking the camera proof of it. Despite the distance, though, yours and Ken’s faces were clearly visible. 
“What the fuck!” You yell, now fully awake eyes wide in confusion. “When was this released? H-How did-”
“Two hours ago. Apparently some passerby sold the picture to the press, and said passerby just happened to be paparazzi.” Ami cuts you off, her tone serious yet concerned. “Trust me, if I had known something like this was going to be released, I would’ve done something about it.”
You left your phone on the kitchen counter as you paced back and forth, your hand glued to your forehead as you tried to wrap your mind around what was happening. Obviously it wasn’t true, you of all people knew that. But nobody else did, and that was the problem. 
“Ami what the hell is happening?” You manage to breathe out, still pacing. “This is all so-”
“Much? Yeah, I know.” She cuts you off again, and you can hear the bustling sounds from her office. “My own publisher is on my neck for this, God only knows what you’re going through. Are you okay? If you need help this could technically be classified as invasion of-”
“I do need help because this whole thing isn’t-” You start, but are ultimately cut off again when you hear the sounds grow louder outside. 
“[Y/N]? ‘You there?” Ami’s muffled voice calls out as you walk towards your window, peeking down to where the commotion was coming from. 
“Oh shit.” You gasp out, eyes widening even more as you realize the noises were coming from the sea of reporters and photographers waiting outside your townhouse. 
You swallowed hard, stepping back from the window with a hand to your mouth. This cannot be happening, this had to be some sick nightmare. Stumbling towards your phone, you mumbled some reply about needing to go before abruptly hanging up the call. Rude, perhaps, but Ami would understand. 
In the span of two hours of that damn article being released, eager and greedy gossip outlets had found your address and swarmed your only safe space. You held your phone close to your chest, running up to your room as you tried to catch your breath. You closed your eyes once more, breathing in and out heavily. The more you tried to convince yourself that this wasn’t happening, the more you slowly realized that it actually was. 
You opened your phone once more, muting all your socials and other messaging apps. You needed to think, and you needed to act fast. By memory, your fingers automatically scroll for Ken’s legal team. Having gotten him out of falsified defamations multiple times, acting during these types of situations was almost a second habit. But this didn’t involve just him, it involved you. You were a part of this mess, you couldn’t be the one to solve it.
A mantra of curses conjured up in your head, and you delete the previous number you had dialed in. Think, damnit. Think, think, think. You thought to yourself, nervously chewing on your bottom lip as you prayed for a solution to be presented to you. An alternative popped up into your brain then. Albeit that alternative was stupid, but it was something. 
You dialed his number, anxiously waiting as it rang. 
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KEN WAS ON HIS BREAK, SITTING ON THE BENCH AS HE WIPED THE SWEAT OFF HIS FOREHEAD. Playoffs were about to start, and Shimura was working them to the bone to make sure everyone had their head in the game. He let out a deep breath through his nose, arms resting on his knees as tried to calm down after a few laps around the stadium. The rest of his teammates seemed to be reacting obnoxiously over something, though he didn’t have the energy to feign enthusiasm. 
One of his teammates teasingly nudged him then, giving him a playful grin. “Your secret’s out, huh? All this time you were with her.”
Ken laughed it off, still oblivious to the fact that nearly all of Japan now knew the face of his supposed girlfriend. He noted the specification in his tone, as if he were referring to a mutual friend of theirs. Which, again, was impossible- nobody but you knew the secret he was hiding. He gave them a nod before returning back to his own space. 
He felt his watch buzz against his wrist, and he was all but surprised to see you calling him on your day off. He sat up straight then, grabbing his phone to answer the call. He had to admit, he answered a little too excitedly. Or nervously. He couldn’t differentiate the two, not when it involved you. Ever since the start of this stunt, something in him shifts whenever you or anything related to you gets mentioned. He brushed it off as some sort of familiarity attachment, the weight of your sudden resignation still heavy on his shoulders.
Was he sad to let you go? Maybe, he wasn’t entirely sure. Aside from the fact that he had Mina, you did your job well. You knew the ins and outs of everything he liked and disliked, you kept him organized and on track. Sure, losing you would be another hurdle he would have to get over, but that doesn’t mean he would be… impotent without you. He clears his throat before he finally brings the phone up to his ear.
“Hey-” He starts, but stops when he notices the frantic panic in your voice. “Woah, hey slow down. What happened?”
“You happened.” You reply then, albeit through a shaky breath. 
“What?” He questions, brows furrowing in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
“It’s exactly as I said. You happened,” You paused, taking in a deep breath. “And now I need your help. Please.”
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reyalvr © 2024 … do not repost, alter, or steal my work.
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tags┊@mochminnie, @rreasonablydumbb, @sincerest-one, @fruticake, @lunaryasha, @lovingyeet, @sugacor3, @arrozyfrijoles23, @fennecspage, @mmeerraa, @azryaa, @akiradailylifes, @montybooks, @mmv-ymvm, @hore4ken, @greeniegreengreen, @meikoo, @random-3455, @todaywasafairytale07, @mythicalmoa, @imafangirlofeverything, @astylos, @vynwan-cbq, @rosegiyanabing, @icedberrytea, @ken-zah, @letharue, @chi222, @flooftoof, @c4ttheart, @ymrai, @stxrrielle, @alpha-mommy69, @ewitscat, @lightsinmycity, @furblrwurblr, @ayamago, @sugururawr, @secretlyapartofthisfandom @shellspider, @oh-kurva, @noraimp
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jaysng · 2 months ago
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when you have to go on bed rest — park sunghoon
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frustrated and emotional reader, stuck on bed rest during pregnancy, opens up to caring husband, sunghoon. overwhelmed, she asks him to hold her, seeking solace in his embrace as he gently reassures her, reminding her of her strength. [wc. 1.4k]
PAIRING. husband!sunghoon x preg!wife!reader
GENRE. reader is feeling hurt, so angsty fluff
NOTE. this has been sitting in my drafts for about a month now and i’ve been contemplating whether to post it or not.. but here i am guess
you hated being on bed rest.
every minute of it felt like a punishment. you were used to being on your feet, handling things your way, but now you were confined to your room, relying on everyone else to do what you couldn’t. and while your logical mind understood that it was for the baby, the emotional weight of it all was suffocating.
you sat propped against the headboard, arms crossed, staring out the window like it had personally wronged you. the ache in your back had returned, your legs felt stiff, and your mood was steadily getting worse.
the sound of the door opening broke you out of your sulk. sunghoon stepped inside, holding a glass of water in one hand and a small plate of sliced fruit in the other.
“you didn’t eat much earlier,” he said, setting the plate on the bedside table.
“i wasn’t hungry,” you muttered, avoiding his eyes.
he frowned slightly but didn’t push. “you still need to eat something.”
you sighed, glancing at the plate but not making a move to pick it up. the simple act of eating felt exhausting, and your frustration only grew.
sunghoon lingered for a moment before sitting on the edge of the bed. he didn’t say anything, his gaze quietly observing you.
“what?” you snapped, sharper than you meant to.
he shook his head, unfazed. “you just seem upset.”
“of course i’m upset, hoon!” you burst out, throwing your hands up. “i’m stuck in this stupid bed all day. i can’t even get up to get my own water. my body hurts. my head hurts. and—” your voice wavered, “—and i feel so useless.”
his expression softened, but he didn’t interrupt. he just let you spill it all out.
“i can’t even…” you trailed off, your hands trembling as you clenched them into fists. “i don’t know. i feel horrible. and i don’t want to talk about it, but i can’t keep it in either. i just—”
you broke off, your throat tightening as tears threatened to spill.
sunghoon hesitated for a split second before shifting closer, his hand hovering like he wasn’t sure if you wanted to be touched.
“can you just… hold me?” you whispered, barely loud enough for him to hear. “please?”
his eyes softened further, and without a word, he slipped his arm around your shoulders, gently guiding you against his chest.
the warmth of his body, the steady rise and fall of his breathing—it was grounding. you let out a shaky breath, your fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt as the dam finally broke.
“i feel like such a mess,” you mumbled, your voice muffled against him.
“you’re not a mess,” he said quietly, his voice calm and certain. “you’re just overwhelmed. it’s okay.”
his hand moved slowly, rubbing soothing circles on your back. he didn’t try to fix anything or offer solutions—he just let you cry, let you feel.
“i don’t know how much more of this i can take,” you admitted, your voice cracking.
“you don’t have to take it alone,” he said simply. “i’m here.”
it was such a sunghoon thing to say—straightforward, without unnecessary embellishments. but somehow, that made it more comforting.
“i hate being like this,” you whispered. “so… weak.”
he pulled back just enough to look at you, his brow furrowed. “you’re not weak,” he said, his tone firmer now. “you’re growing a whole human inside you. that’s… incredible.”
you let out a humorless laugh, shaking your head. “doesn’t feel incredible.”
“doesn’t mean it’s not,” he countered, his fingers brushing a stray tear from your cheek. “and even if you feel like you’re falling apart, it’s okay. i’ll hold you together, for as long as you need.”
you looked at him, your chest tightening at the sincerity in his eyes.
“thank you,” you whispered, leaning into his touch.
he didn’t respond with words, just wrapped his arms around you again, holding you close like you were the most important thing in the world.
and for the first time that day, the frustration in your chest eased, just a little. enough to remind you that you weren’t alone in this.
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© jaysng 2024 | do not repost or plagiarize.
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bluetimeombre · 9 days ago
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☽。⋆ Learning to fly, starting to crawl
Over one hundred years ago, you lost your wings but the wound still hurts like it was only yesterday. When your brothers mate wants to learn to fly, he doesn’t hesitate in teaching her, right in front of you. And nobody can see the scars except the one you love…
[OMG I'M ALIVE!!!! I've had this sitting in my drafts for months but have only just got around to posting. Basically, I have too many hobbies but i'm in a writing mood again., very fitting to start with my boy AZRIEL, whom i love very much. I hope you enjoy. This is linked to my other Azriel fic but of course can be read alone. Not proof-read and yes, she lost her wings. It's becoming almost a thing but it makes for some good ass angst. ENJOY!!!!]
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☽。⋆
The inner circle all sat around the table, eating and chatting merrily. Rhysand sat at the head of the table, as was tradition, while his mate- Feyre- sat next to him, their hands entwined. They smiled at each other, as so in love they were. Cassian and Mor were joking around along with Amren and Elian listened politely. Every now and then, she glanced the shadow singers way to invite him into the conversation but there was no such luck.
Azriel only stared ahead of him, glaring at the empty space where you usually sat. He wasn’t at all surprised you hadn’t turned up, but it didn’t mean he couldn’t be angry about it.
For a few weeks now he’d noticed the shift in you. You snapped easily and often rolled your eyes at anything your brother- the high lord- had to say. He’d heard you pace your rooms at night and his shadows (that favoured you above all) had reported that many nights you went to Rita’s.
But your empty seat irked him. And it irked him that Rhys seemed to not care in the slightest.
Az was the first to be aware of your presence, the echo of the door opening alerting them all and your scent hit him in the face. He inhaled it- your lavender, your sweetness, tinted by the alcohol lingering.
Rhysand huffed and everyone seemed to notice the shift. ‘I apologize about this, Feyre darling.’
Just then, you and Nesta stumbled into the room, arms linked and laughing your heads off about something or other.
Azriel drank you in. Your cheeks were flushed, your dress creased as you struggled to stay up right. Gods, what had you done?
You pouted dramatically, throwing a hand on your hip. ‘Uh oh, Rhysands got his grumpy face on.’
‘Isn’t that his usual?’ Said Nesta, causing the two of you to laugh again.
Everyone watched the two of you.
‘Where have you been?’ Az asked, wanting to rush to you and support you, but Rhys seemed one breath away from snapping.
‘We’re trying to have a pleasant meal, don’t ruin it,’ he grumbled.
‘Yes sir!’ You saluted.
Rhys growled and Feyre took his hand, squeezing it tightly.
‘Something tells me we’re not wanted, y/n,’ Nesta said to her.
‘Alas, we do not want to be here,’ you said, stumbling your way past the table. Before you went, you gave Feyre a squeeze on the shoulder, leaning down to whisper to her. ‘Feyre darling.’
‘Enough!’ Rhys shot up, hands on the table.
You barley spared him a glance as you and Nesta went about your way. You tripped on a plant pot, stumbling and apologizing to the object.
Azriel got out his seat, ready to follow you to wherever. No matter if you wanted him or not.
‘Sit down, Azriel,’ said Rhysand, taking his seat again. He picked up his fork and smiled at his mate like nothing had happened. All the while, your scent got further away from him.
He looked between where you’d disappeared and his high lord. He settled down and promised he’d find out what had made you act so.
☽。⋆
You woke with unbearable pain in your head the next day. And your back. Your head was granted with the amount you and Nesta had drank, seeking to out-do one another so much so you drank out most of Rita’s.
But your back, the pain was new. Almost as if it knew why you were so angry, so bitter and it sort to make it worse.
Your curtains were drawn but the wind blew them back, letting you glimpse the outside world you dreaded to be a part of.
Shadows curled up your bed, brushing your hair back affectionately. They seemed to always be around you, as if they knew the bond that heaved in your chest even if their master didn’t.
You offered them a poor smile. ‘I’m fine.’ But they caressed you and smelt your lie.
From beyond the curtains, you caught a glimpse of figures in the sky. You’d always loved your room for the view it granted, of the sun, the moon, the stars. But after losing your wings, the view turned cold and the sky never seemed as bright.
It only got worse.
Though you knew the pain it would bring you to see, you wrapped a blanket around you and treaded over to the window.
Feyre was trying out her new wings, the black gifts she’d been given. Once mortal, she now had everything you wanted. The power, the wings. Your freedom was now hers.
And you hated it.
Azriel was looking close to her, encouraging her as she went. Though they were small figures to you, you could see his smile, how he held his hands out to her should she lose confidence.
How many times had you flown side by side, acting like the clouds abided you. The times you’d raced or dropped just to have Azriel catch you.
Never again.
The bitterness invaded your mouth again, blocking out all other logical senses.
Your door burst open- the shadows rushing to your side and curling around your shoulders. You didn’t need to turn to know who it was, the anger radiating from him was enough.
‘How dare you turn up in the state you did last night,’ snapped Rhys. You didn’t turn to face him, shielding yourself from his fury. ‘You had no right to ruin a lovely evening. We are trying to make Feyre and her sisters feel welcomed, its a shame my own sister can’t seem to do that for me.’
The words twisted in your gut. For him… had you not done everything for him? Lost your wings because you wouldn’t give in? Lost fifty years of your life to be with him?
‘Get over whatever it is going on and only return to us when you want to act like a decent human being.’ Rhysand snapped before leaving again, slamming the door- causing her to flinch.
The shadows ran down your hair, your cheeks, your sides. Giving you any ghostly comfort they could. ‘I’m fine,’ you told them again, retreating further into your room.
The shadows followed you, but only half of them. The other half had returned to their master, clouding him and whispering in his ear.
Her wings. She misses her wings.
She hadn’t had to say it out loud, they knew her pain.
Azriel paused in the sky, alerting Feyre. She’d seen the shadows surround him in flourishes. She couldn’t understand they were reporting in on you, that Az needed you to have something there when he could not be.
‘What is it?’ She asked, beating her wings.
He stared at her then at the wings. He was filled with the longing to be with you, in the sky, playing. Your wings were beautiful, just because they were you. A beautiful part of you.
‘I need to speak with the high lord.’
☽。⋆
‘Ask someone else to train Feyre to fly,’ said Azriel.
He’d insisted he needed to see the high lord on urgent matters that could not wait. He’d expected it to be of the war, but Azriel opened with the line.
Rhysand was sat behind his desk, looking up to Azriel with some amusement. ‘I’m sorry?’
‘Ask Cassian,’ he said, he didn’t need to repeat himself.
‘Feyre wanted you.’
‘I can’t do it anymore,’ he said, stating it all simply.
Rhysand waited, wondering if he’d be graced with an explanation, but it never came. ‘Might I ask why.’
‘Your sister.’
Rhys’s amusement turned to a deep scowl. ‘My sister has asked you to stop flying with Feyre?’
‘No. She hasn’t asked, she never would. But I can’t teach Feyre to fly anymore.’
‘I’m sorry, I’m confused- what does any of this have to do with y/n?’ He asked.
Azriels shadows wound tight around him, coating him like a second skin. He wanted to yell, and he never let his emotions get the better of him. Instead, he curled his hand into a fist and clenched his jaw. ‘Do you really not think that this is hurting her?’
‘After her behaviour the past couple days I think it’s her who’s doing the hurting,’ he said, picking a bit of invisible lint from his shoulder.
‘She lost her wings,’ said Azriel with barely contained annoyance. ‘She lost them. They were cut from her back and she was left to bleed out.’
‘I do remember that Azriel,’ said Rhys, closing his eyes at the words. ‘I was there when we found her.’
‘So do you not think that teaching your mate to fly doesn’t effect her?’
Rhysand looked at him. His eyes changed, the hue turning darker. No, he hadn’t thought that. You’d never let on to feeling anything for your wings or lack of them. But then again, even if you had, would you ever have gone to your brother.
Azriel took a measured step forward. ‘Do you not think it hurts her that you teach your mate to fly, the same mate that gasped in horror when she saw the scars on your sisters back? That you have us fly in front of the house where she can see? Did you even know that when she bathes y/n covers all the mirrors so she doesn’t have to get a glance at the scars.’
The high lord held up a hand. ‘I understand.’
‘No, you don’t. You could never know what it’s like, neither could I, or Cassian. She had a part of her ripped off and she has to live without it every day. But you’ve gifted Feyre them as if it’s nothing.’
‘Because my mate has the powers,’ argued Rhys. ‘If I could give y/n wings I would- in a heartbeat, I would.’
Azriel nodded. He knew that, he knew the relationship between you and Rhys was fractured at best, but he also knew that if anything or anyone hurt you, Az would kill them. ‘I don’t want to reach Feyre to fly because it hurts y/n.’
Rhys leaned back in his chair, studying him. ‘And you care about her?’
‘More than I can express.’ He would give her the wings from his back if he could. ‘And if something hurts her… it hurts me.’
Rhysand nodded. ‘I’ll take her flying from now on. We’ll do it in the mountains, to spare y/n from seeing it.’
Azriel bowed his head. ‘Thank you.’
Rhys nodded but averted his gaze. ‘Look after her, Azriel.’
‘I always have.’
☽。⋆
Nesta had gone to Rita's, expecting you later but you'd already snuck down to the Wine cellar and picked out the finest to drown your sorrows alone in. You'd past Cassian on the way, the male worried about your shifting gaze and the way you held yourself but you brushed him off and carried on your way.
You hesitated outside your door, where shadows lurked. Yes, they liked you and yes they were often with you, but never guarding your door.
Then, you smelt it. Not wine but sweet cedar and moss. Az.
You didn't want this. Didn't want him to see you like this, in pain in your mind and back, in longing for the wind through your hair. You knew he'd noticed your behaviour, he was the spy master, you'd only hoped... only hoped he didn't care as much as he did.
Taking a deep breath, you pushed open the door and braced yourself for shouting.
Azriel stood there, looking regal and beautiful. His back was too the balcony, the door open and wind rusting his wings and sheets. His hands were behind his back and his gaze was... soft? It wasn't dark with anger or clouded in annoyance.
It was just Az.
'Azriel,' you do your best to smile, clearing your throat. 'What are you doing? I thought you had flying with Feyre?' you were trying but you were also just you and you missed your wings.
'I'm teaching her anymore,' he said.
You chuckle. 'Is she that bad a student?'
'I'm sorry.'
You look up to him, taking out the cork of the wine. Rose filled your senses. 'For what?'
'That she flys when you don't,' he mentioned it simply, as if you'd already told him what was hurting you and he'd accepted it.
You hadn't said it. You wouldn't. You hated yourself enough for being weak, you didn't need him, perfect Azriel, caring Azriel, to see how horrid your jealousy had made you. 'I don't know what you mean.'
'y/n,' he steps close to you, taking the bottle from you. He drops it at his side but no smash is delivered. The shadows swallow it up. 'Why won't you talk, instead of drowning yourself in pain?'
'I'm not drowning myself in anything,' you deny, moving away from him to close the balcony door. The air drifting in and moving everything but you only mocked.
'You can't fly,' he said.
Your eyes squeezed shut in pain. 'Yes, I know, you don't have to remind me.'
His boots sounded close behind her and he took her shoulders. He didn't force her to turn around, he only held her gently and soothed his thumbs over the knots in her back. 'You can't fly and words don't exist to tell you how sorry I am. If I could i'd give you the own wings off me back-'
'Don't say that.' The only thing worse than your pain, was Azriel going through it all.
'I would and I mean it just to see you smile again, if only for a second. I'd be glad to give them up,' he whispered. Your shoulders slumped under his grasp and he sighed in relief, it was better than tensing up again. 'I miss you smiling. I miss you laughing. I miss you smiling at me. I'm sorry if teaching Feyre to fly has hurt you.'
'It wasn't you, Az,' you turn in his hold, never letting him feel like it was his fault. In doing that, you admitted to being bothered. 'I can't be who I was, because I don't know how. And I don't want to try to only fail.'
He listened, hands trailing down your arms to rub.
You gulp. 'And it's not just losing the wings, it's everything I lost with it. Freedom. I can't join you or Cas, or anyone when you take to the skies. How am I going to cope in battle? I can't run as fast as I can fly, I can't fight as well. I can't hit Cassian over the head when he's being an idiot, I can't-I can't wrap them around you when we hold each other, and it's painful to think of everything I've lost when I've gained nothing.'
He listened, tears watering his gaze. You had not lost any of that, not to him.
'And Feyre,' you pulled away, crossing your arms around each other and looking out the window. 'I don't hate her, I wish I could but I can't. But she's been Fae for five seconds and she has everything I've ever wanted. Wings. My brother loves her. She's happy. I hate it and I hate myself.'
Your confession weighed your gut but your chest rose in a deep breath. You couldn't see Azriel behind you in the reflection of the windows and you couldn't hear him.
He'd gone. Of course he'd left, you'd whined about what you'd lost when you were at least alive. You'd complained about the High Lady- treason in Rhysand's book.
No, you were all alone.
But you weren't.
Az crept behind you and slowly- so you could pull away- wrapped his arms around your shoulders. He pulled you into his chest and matched his breaths with yours. 'I won't insult you by saying I get it, because I could never. But that time, when I found you after you'd lost your wings, I thought i'd lost you and that-that is how I imagine your feelings. Because I stopped breathing and I didn't think happiness would ever be in the world again. And your blood, you bleeding out has been in my nightmares since. If my hands were to be stained with it, let them, because it was the last thing i'd ever have of you.'
You had no idea. He'd felt terrible yes and been there the weeks and months it took to heal but you'd been so full of pain and guilt you hadn't thought of how he fared. Your greatest friend... your lustful secret.
Your hands came up to hold his arms.
'You do not have to be who you were before,' he whispered, head resting on your shoulder. 'Become better. Become something more. As for training, you're the strongest woman I know and still the only person I'd trust with my life.'
A tear escaped you.
He nudged your chin with his nose. 'And you can still hit Cass as much as you like.'
You laugh through tears, holding onto Az like he was the last thing anchoring you to yourself.
His wings slowly inched over you. 'And I will hold you all day, every day till I die, and i'll keep you safe.' His wings closed around the two of you as yours used to do.
Neither of you realised how much you'd missed it, needed it, craved it until it happened.
You'd lost your wings, but you had never and would never lose him.
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reginyani · 7 days ago
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Bed Chem | s.reid x fem!reader
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summary: Derek Morgan hits you up for you and Spencer Reid, a genius FBI agent, to connect. One things leads to another, and you both have really good bed chem.
warnings: 18+, mdni, nsfw, drinking at a bar, p in v, unprotected sex, softdom!spencer, sub!reader, use of y/n, spencer comes in reader (if im forgetting something let me know)
word count: 3.2k
authors note: felt like its been 20 years since i've posted a fic, but here ya guys go!! i love the song bed chem, so this fic is sabrina carpenter themed💋. i don't really like this, but its been sitting in my drafts for a while now so i hope you guys enjoy(the smut isnt my best work im sorry!). if you did, just remember to like and reblog:)!
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Spencer Reid wasn’t the type to go to bars, but when the team had finally wrapped up a particularly exhausting case and a few of them decided to head out for a drink, he couldn’t exactly say no. He didn’t mind spending time with his colleagues, but when the plan shifted from the corner booth to the bar, he felt his nerves start to rise.
Derek Morgan had a gift for getting people out of their comfort zones, and today, he’d decided that Spencer was due for a little socialization. 
Spencer sat awkwardly at the far end of the bar, sipping a glass of water, watching the team interact with ease. His eyes wandered around the room, but then they unintentionally froze when they landed on you. You were sitting with a friend near the center of the bar countertop, laughing softly at something your friend had said. There was an easy, effortless charm about you that made Spencer’s heart beat a little faster.
But, as usual, he couldn’t bring himself to approach you. His mind spun with a thousand reasons why it would be awkward— why he wasn’t the right person to start a conversation. What if you didn’t like him? What if he said something weird? What if he wasn't good looking enough for you? He ran his fingers nervously through his hair, trying to shake the unease. He tended to self-sabotage things like these.
Derek, who had been watching the entire conflict play out with a grin on his face, noticed Spencer's hesitation. He chuckled to himself, shook his head, and stood up. “I’ll handle this, pretty boy.”
Spencer glanced over, his eyes wide in disbelief and embarrassment. “What are you—?”
Derek flashed a mischievous smile, already walking toward your side of the bar. “Trust me.”
Spencer’s heart skipped a beat as he saw Derek in the corner of his eye approach you. He couldn’t help but watch the whole thing go down. 
Derek walked up with his signature charm and a smooth smile. “Hey, ladies,” he greeted, leaning casually against the countertop. “Mind if I join you for a second?”
You glanced up at him, surprised, but smiled politely. “Sure, go ahead.”
Derek didn’t miss a beat. “Thanks. So, I couldn’t help but notice you from across the room,” he said smoothly. “Especially when I’ve got a buddy over there who’s been staring at you for a while.” He pointed behind him, subtly motioning to Spencer, who was frozen in the corner of the room, clearly aware that the jig was up. Spencer immediately felt the heat of embarrassment creeping up his neck.
You glanced over at Spencer, catching his eye for a moment before he quickly looked away. You raised an eyebrow. “He’s shy, huh?”
“Yeah,” Derek said with a wink. “But he’s a good guy. Just a little... socially awkward.” He chuckled. “But I think you might make him a little less awkward.”
You smiled, intrigued now. “So what’s his name?”
“Spencer Reid,” Derek said, a little too smugly. “I think you should text him. He’ll appreciate it.”
Derek pulled out a piece of paper with Spencer's number already on it, like he had already planned this the whole time. “I’ll let him know you’ve got it,” he added with a playful grin.
You looked at the number in your hand. “Well, I’ll have to think about it,” you said, teasing Derek. “But thanks for the introduction.”
With a wink, Derek gave you a nod. “Don’t keep him waiting too long,” he said before turning back toward Spencer, who was now practically melting into his seat with embarrassment.
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A few minutes passed before you decided it was time to approach him. You slid off the seat and slowly walked up behind Spencer, tapping him on the shoulder. He quickly turned around, clearly startled by your sudden touch.
"Uh… Spencer, right?" you ask, raising an eyebrow at him. 
He gulped before responding, staring at you for a quick second. "Yeah…" 
"Nice to meet you. I'm Y/N; wanna get a drink?" You give him a friendly smile, trying to make him feel comfortable enough to come back to your side of the bar with you. 
He smiles back and nods quickly. "Yeah! Yeah... sounds good." He slides off his chair, letting you guide him back with you. You can feel his friend's eyes all on you as you walk away with him, leaving them speechless.
As you both sit down at a barstool, Spencer fidgets with his fingers rapidly. You look down to see his shaking leg and him picking his fingernails.
"Hey, it's okay. I don't bite, I promise." You chuckle, making him look up into your eyes with his own beautiful puppy eyes.
"Yeah, I know. I just… never really show my face at the bar. I'd prefer reading over this, but… here I am." he says with contempt as he slowly nods his head.
You smile, agreeing with a nod. "Yeah, me neither, to be honest. My friends dragged me out here, which I'm assuming yours did as well." you laugh.
"Yeah… but hey, I'm with you now, so…" he says, leaning his arm onto the bar countertop. You smirk.
"Your friends seem nice. How do you know them?" you ask, trying to keep the conversation as interesting as possible.
"Uh—you know... We're co-workers." He responds blandly, not wanting to reveal his place of work in case you were to get intimidated by it.
"Oh really? What do you work as?" You continue to ask him questions, pushing a response out of him. You were curious.
He hesitates a moment. "I—uh... well, I'm an agent at the Behavioral Analysis Unit," he finally says, taking a sip out of his drink awkwardly.
"FBI, huh?" You smirk, looking him up and down. "That's sexy. Do you carry your creds?" you ask, looking up into his eyes.
"Yeah… Uh…" his cheeks burn a crimson red as he fumbles around for a second before finally pulling out a foldable wallet. He opens it smoothly, holding it up for you to see. 
His picture looked nothing like how he does now. His hair smooth and slicked back with a side part, and a completely blank and pale face. 
"How many years ago was that picture taken?" you chuckle, scanning it one last time before he flips it over to see himself. 
"A long time ago." He laughs, his voice softening as he closes the wallet and slides it back into his pocket. "I should probably get it updated, huh?"
 
You tilt your head playfully, taking another sip from your alcoholic beverage. "I don't know, I think it's cute. Kind of shows how far you've come and grown." 
Spencer blinks, not expecting the compliment. He adjusts his tie nervously, his fingers brushing over the fabric. "Thank you. That's... nice of you to say."
You lean in slightly, resting your chin in your hand. "So, Spencer Reid, FBI agent," you say, your voice teasing yet warm at the same time. "What's something you don't know everything about?"
He chuckles, his lips twitching into a shy smile. "Plenty of things, actually. You'd be surprised at how much I still have to learn."
You raise an eyebrow, intrigued. "Like what?"
He pauses for a second, as if genuinely thinking about your question. "Well… I've never really been good at small talk," he admits, sheepishly smiling. "Or, uh, anything involving this…" he gestures vaguely between the two of you, his cheeks flushing again.
You laugh softly, the sound making his heart skip a beat. "I don't think you're doing too bad." you assure him. "And for the record, I'm not much of a fan of small talk either. Let's skip it—tell me something real about you."
Spencer quirks an eyebrow at your directness, but there's something about your tone that puts him at ease. "Okay, something real about me…" He thinks for a second. "I have an IQ of 187, have an eidetic memory, and can read up to 20,000 words per minute, but sometimes I wish I could slow down, y'know?"
You blink, completely shocked by this brand new information. "I— No… I don't know." You laugh, still completely taking it in. "That's... insane," you finally manage, shaking your head in disbelief. "187 IQ? You're like, literally a genius."
Spencer tilts his head a bit, clearly a bit embarrassed by your reaction. "Well, technically, yeah. But it's not as impressive as people think. It just means I remember a lot of things. Well… everything."
You grin, leaning a little closer. "Okay, Mr. Modest. If you're so smart, hit me with a scientific fact. Blow my mind." 
Spencer's lips quirk into a shy smile, but there's a glint of mischief in his eyes now. He pauses for a moment, as if sorting through the thousands of facts stored in his mind. He looks directly at you, his voice soft but steady.
"Did you know," he begins, "that during intense physical contact, your brain releases tons of chemicals, including dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins, which heighten pleasure and create emotional bonding?"
You blink, the corners of your mouth twitching upward as the suggestive undertone sinks in. "Intense physical contact, huh?" you repeat, tilting your head at him with that same smirk on your face. "That’s a pretty specific fact to share."
Spencer's eyes widen, his mind now racing and wondering if maybe you took that fact to offense. "I just meant… It's a common and well-documented physiological response. I wasn't implying—" 
You laugh at his fumbling words, cutting him off before he goes and spirals even further. "Relax, Spencer. I'm just teasing you." You lean back, taking another sip of your drink, your eyes twinkling. "But hey, maybe we can test that out sometime." 
His mouth opens, seemingly caught off guard. He looks at you, not sure whether you're joking or not. "Uh… yeah," he says, barely audible. "Maybe."
You smile, tilting your head a bit. "Hey, wanna get out of here? Maybe go to my place? We can call a taxi," you say suddenly, finally finishing your espresso martini and putting the glass down with a clink.
He hesitates for a second, looking back at his coworkers with an open mouth. "Uh… Yeah, sure. I don't see why not." 
The ride back to your apartment is quiet at first, with Spencer sitting stiffly beside you in the back of the taxi, his hands fidgeting in his lap. You can practically feel the nervous energy radiating off of him, and it makes you smile.
"You alright over there, genius?" you ask softly, tilting your head over to look at him.
"Yeah," he says quickly, too quickly. He clears his throat and glances at you, his lips twitching into a sheepish smile. "Sorry. This is just… not exactly something I usually do."
You nod slowly in understanding, trying your best to make his discomfort fade away. "No judgment. I don't either, to be honest, but you seemed too interesting to leave back at the bar."
This earns a laugh out of him, and his shoulders relax a bit. "Well, uh… thanks." 
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When the taxi finally pulls up to your apartment building, you pay the driver and lead Spencer upstairs. He follows closely behind, his eyes darting around as he takes in his surroundings.
"This is a nice apartment complex," he says as you unlock the door and step inside, gesturing for him to follow.
"Thanks," you say, flicking the lights on and setting down your bag on a nearby chair. You toe off your shoes and look back at him. "Make yourself comfortable." 
Spencer hesitates for a moment before awkwardly shrugging off his coat and hanging it on the back of a chair. He stands there for a second, unsure of what to do, until you notice and step towards him.
"You don't have to look so nervous, y'know," you tease gently.
"I'm not nervous," he replies, though the slight tremor in his voice was surely nervousness. 
You tilt your head, studying him. "You're a terrible liar, you know that?" 
His lip stretches into an upward shy smile.
"So I've been told," he admits.
You laugh softly at his words, and you gesture towards the couch. "Sit down. Do you want something to drink?"
He shakes his head, making his way to the couch and sitting on it stiffly. "I'm alright. Thanks."
You sit down beside him, close enough to brush shoulders but not so close as to make him uncomfortable. For a moment, there's silence, and then you glance up at him with a playful smile.
"So… want to share another one of those scientific facts of yours?" you ask, leaning slightly closer to him.
Spencer chuckles, his shoulders loosening as he meets your gaze. "Only if you're ready for it." 
"I'm ready," you say, settling in and giving him your undivided attention.
He thinks for a moment, then smirks slightly as he chooses one. "Did you know that the human brain processes the sensation of touch faster than almost any other sensory input? It’s why even the lightest touch can feel so intense."
You raise an eyebrow, the corners of your lips curving upward. "Is that so?"
He nods, his confidence growing as he begins to explain. "It’s because of specialized nerve ending called mechanoreceptors. They send signals to your brain almost immediately, making touch one of the most primal and powerful ways to communicate."
You hold his gaze, letting your hand grab his cheek. Now your voice is soft but laced with curiosity. "And what exactly do you think touch is communicating right now?" 
His breath hitches slightly, his gaze flickering down to your arm as it reaches his face.
"I think," he says, his voice quieter now, "it’s.. saying a lot."
"Good," you murmur, leaning in just a little closer, "because I think I like what it’s saying."
Spencer’s eyes meet yours, wide and full of something you can’t quite put into words. And for the first time all night, he doesn’t hesitate, and in one swift motion, his lips are crashing into yours.
  The kiss started off soft and warm but quickly grew heated. His hands found their way to your waist, pulling you closer. You could practically feel his nervousness melting away as you two continued, replaced by confidence. Gone was the shy, awkward man from the bar.
You tilt your own head, your fingers sliding up to his head, tangling in his soft hair. Spencer's breath hitched at your touch, and he let out a quiet whine that sent shivers down your spine. For someone who looked and sounded to be inexperienced, he sure as hell didn't make it seem like that.
When you both pulled away, it wasn't forced, it was synchronized. You searched his face, cheeks flushed with a deep pink, and his eyes watery as he stared into yours. 
You both stood up from off the couch and pressed your lips together once again. But this time, it was slower, as you savored the way his hands gripped your hips.
 
Spencer broke the kiss this time, looking at you before saying, "Where's your bedroom?" You smirk, grabbing his hand and leading him to your bedroom before slamming the door shut. 
When you both finally make it to your bed, you lay down, him on top of you as his lips trail down your jaw to your neck. "God, you drive me insane, Y/N." He murmurs, his words muffled against your skin.
You tilt your head back, groaning as his lips continue to work against your skin. "Fuck, Spencer…" 
His hands fumble around your body until his fingers finally catch onto the zipper of your dress. His fingers quickly move to unzip it, then skillfully move to take the straps off your shoulders. You whine in disappointment as he takes his lips off of your neck to slide the dress down your body and off at your legs. He throws it somewhere on the floor before quickly going back to press his lips to yours.
You squirm as his fingers graze over your lace panties, practically teasing you in a place you need him most.
"Spencer…" you let out, huffing audibly. He quirks an eyebrow, the erection in his pants growing by the second.
"Yes, baby?" he coos, his fingers continuing to trace circles on your panties.
"I need you..." You whisper, embarrassed at your own neediness. He smirks, pretending to not hear you.
"You what? I need you to speak up for me," he teases, and this drives you mad. 
"I need you!" You yell in desperation, tired of the teasing. "I want you to… fuck me," you mumble, looking up into his eyes.
"Didn't exactly take you as a begger, Y/N," he snickers, continuing to look down on you. "But all you had to do was ask." His hands swiftly move to his pants, quickly unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his pants. He pulls them down, still stuck on his thighs.
He looks down and slowly moves your panties to the side. "Already wet, huh?" he teases. He then grabs your legs and swings them over his shoulders. "Ready?" he asks softly. You nod your head, squinting your eyes shut. 
When the tip of his cock hits your entrance, you squirm slightly, getting out a small whimper. "Oh, god…" you murmur.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, he slams into you, making you let out a loud yelp as he continues to slide his cock in and out of you with swift movements. He groans, the feeling of your warm pussy making him throw his own head back. 
"Holy shit… you're so tight, baby…" he says breathlessly, the loud sounds of heavy breathing and clapping filling your bedroom. "Look at me," he demands. "I want to see those pretty eyes of yours."
You follow his command, your watery eyes looking into his wide brown eyes. "Fuck, Spencer… right there!" you're practically yelling at this point.
Both of your bodies are moving at the same time, practically glued together, stuck together like magnets as your body bounced on his cock. Your hands gripped your baby pink sheets harshly, knuckles turning white as you arched your back.
"Sweet girl… 'm going to come." he warns, breaking eye contact with you to throw his head back once again.
You finally feel relieved, knowing you were chasing your own high. "'M almost there, baby. Oh, god…" your voice cracking between each word, warning him of your own orgasm.
As you begin to rock your hips, you finally moan, "Come inside me, baby! Please, yes, please!" and that, finally drives him over the edge. 
As your body starts to give out, you and Spencer release at the same time. Feeling the warmth of his release spilling inside of you as you both moaned in one synchronized motion, making your own orgasm feel even better.
When he finally pulls out, his body collapses next to you, both of you breathing heavily as you try to catch your breath. You turn your head to look over at him, smiling softly.
"Well, I guess you can say you seduced me with your scientific facts," you admit, laughing lazily, which earns one out of him as well.
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