#posting more than one image in one post since it saves space

[dovalore]

mini deities: the first age

[icewindandboringhorror]

Pages from trying to keep a little sketchbook-scrapbook type thing going for two weeks lol. I gave myself specific rules in hopes they might all end up more cohesive/consistent seeming, but alas, scribbly chaos reigns, it seems

[ririblogsss]

what if Danny give no fu-ks

Ok hear me out, Dannys obsession has never truest been confirmed by the show itself (that I remember) I've seen a lot of people say his obsession comes from wanting to help / protect people. But what if he feels as though that he is now doing more damage than good, after all there are a lot of people getting hurt as colateral damage from the chases he has to go on. Or simply when he has to run away from getting captured.

What if one night he was up late and saw a post about a tragedy that happened because he slipped up (it wasn't even his fault, but he still blames himself for everything). And then he starts looking at all the bad comments against him ignoring all the good ones saying how much Danny Phantom has helped Amity. Because Danny is still human and confirmation bias is real. Imagine how he felt the moment he realized that he was causing people to get hurt instead of keeping them save.

Image the desperation clawing at him with the realization that he has never been able to fully manage his obsession. it makes him sad, desperate, angry.

His entire self is filled with too many emotions at the sametime he isn't even able to identify them and catalogue them properly like Jazz taught him.

and then everything stops and he feels nothing.

Completely and utterly numb.

Like his whole reason to keep going suddenly disappears.

And it has.

He gave up on his obsession and now he has to make / get a new one.

But it's not that easy.

This drastic change could've ended any ghost as they run on (live off) emotions.

Luckily because he's a Halfa, so that has given him the upper hand. Unfortunately it makes it so that he is completely devoid of any emotion.

Months go by and people immediately notice changes, the more drastic one is that Phantom went missing, and eventually a lot of ghost that where coming in looking for him stop. Amity Park is no longer populated by ghosts, and slowly the GIW started to retreat from Amity going to another place following a lead that says there are more ghost activities up north.

But those changes aren't the only ones noticeable. Dannys classmates and teachers can vouch that Danny has changed. Most say he was always quite , and others say he looked down right depressed. Danny didn't do much in classes not that he paid attention before. Its just this time it seems that its not out of being sleepy or anxious about another ghost attacking the school instead Danny looks like he coundn't give less of a fu-k about anything.

He never smiles anymore not even when his favorite subjects (mechanics and space) are brought up. Not even a quirk of a smile. The school decided to contact his parents about Dannys new behaviors. That includes skipping classes, not handing in work, not doing the assigned work in class ect....

And its not like his parents havent noticed, they've had more time in their hands since they aren't using hours of the day/night going out hunting anymore. and they have witnessed their son become a shell of himself. They don't know what to do, and they don't want to worry Jazz about it because she's at collage and needs to focus on her studies.

So when the school contact them and told them that the behavior is the same in school they decided major changes needed to happen. Starting with a change of environment.

Maddie and Jack decided that Amity park was too big of a city with too many people. They could nearly see the stars at night because of the light pollution, hence they decided to move next door to Alicia, Maddie sister, home in SmallVille.

They decided it was the best choice, Danny would be surrounded by nature and he could do online classes that would go the pace he wanted. The move was immediate, the day off they packed everything sold the house and moved.

They only stopped to say goodbye to Danny's friends. A small bye and hug later they were on a 7 hour road trip to their new home.

When they got there the old resident handed them the keys of the home and told them to ignore the their neighbors 'The Kents' as they often made a lot of noice and had group gatherings every month.

The one thing Jack and Maddie forgot to double check was if the house was an actual house or a farm house. Sounds similar, but completely different as they now had 2 cows, 16 chickens, 1 rooster, and 3 pigs to take care off.

Danny was put on duty of taking care of the animals, such as feeding them on time and making sure they were healthy. Jack and Maddie made more of the heavy weight as to re building broken fences and fixing the questionable roof.

(The first thing Danny did when meeting all the animals was name them. After all this was about all the interaction he was going to do.)

Danny didn't have time to think about his lost obsession or his lack of emotions as he was now too busy making sure each animal was taken care off.

Marcy and linda (the cows) were danny's favorite they were very gentle and he felt that they could understand him when he spoke to them the stories of his vigilante past.

On the other hand The Chickens were a nightmare, Glinda was cool as she never chased him down. But Matilda and Bethany were a nightmarish duo spiteful too when he was seconds late to the finding time. Mark the rooster was chill he mainly acted as of he was part of the group that needed protection.

Marice, Betty, and Miss Piggy were the chillest of the bunch never gave Danny any trouble when feeding them and always made a point that they loved their new mudbath installation that Danny made for them on his first 2 days on the farm.

A month after arriving at the farm house Danny noticed that mark was missing. Danny looked everywhere around the property and saw him from afar, at the road. So Danny did the sensible thing anyone would do when spotting a run away pet, and that is call their name at the top of your lungs whilst running after them.

naturally Mark the escape artist run the opposite direction. By the time Danny caught up to him Danny didn't recognize the house he was infant off. So with Mark comfortably in his arms He swears he can see a smug look on marks face. Danny turned away from the house to start his walk back to the farm, but he was met with a kid his age looking at him with distrust.

"Ehhh look kid Im sorry to have crossed the properties border but Mark here" Danny made a point to acentuate Mark in his arms "Runaway from me this morning and I've been trying to catch him ever since, anyways I need to go feed the girls"

The kid starred at him for a second "OMG your from the new family in Mr.duncans farm right? in Aver ST.?" and wow the kid was like a ray of sunshine.

"Yea-" Danny could even finish his sentence before the kid cut him off by starting to talk a mile a minute about how he was so exited to meet people his age that lived near by and how farm chores were harder that normal house chores.

"Jon, give him time to respond. Im Damian this is Jon" Danny jumped he hadn't noticed the second kid at all

"Oh yeah... sorry about that what's your name?" The kid (Jon) slightly less enthusiasm, a bit embarrassed if his tone of voice was anything to get by.

"Danny, Im 15" he responded before he started walking away after all he did need to get in time to feed the chickens unless he wants to suffer their furry. Danny shuddered at the memory that popped up in his head.

"Wait!!! I just thought we could be friends cause we live close by u know" Jon said catching up with Dannys steps. Damian was following from behind.

"Sure kid I don't care" Dannys voice was monotone much like it had been for months.

"Hey were not kids for your information, Im 14 and Damians 16 soon to be 17, so if anything you night be the actual kid!" Danny chuckled slightly it was more similar to releasing air from his lips than a laugh.

Soon a quite and enjoyable science encompassed the group as they went to Dannys home.

"Hmm... you're hold on Mark is adequate and the your determination for getting home in time for feeding is acceptable" Damian spoke up after a while of the passive silence.

"yeah and what is It to you" Danny was slightly urked by Damians default setting speach. He told him as such.

Jon blanched before erupting into giggles that sent him to lay down on the grass uncontrollably laughing. Damians right eyebrow quirked up in what Danny assumed was amusement.

Thus a new friendship grew that day.

They often gathered at Dannys or Jons yard to have picnic in the weekends (as Damian and Jon has school in Metropolis on week days) and hangout with the animals. Danny found out that Damian was a vegetarian and that he had various animals at home. One time he brought his Great Dane Titus, who bodied Danny on sight to give him kisses.

Also Damian was Damian Wayne as in bruce Wayne, Batman sugar daddy. When he said that, Jons milk flew out of his nose and Damian choked on his cucumber wrap. Even Titus gave him a judgemental stare.

Slowly Danny started to smile more, laugh every so often. And things were feeling so much better after not being able to feel anything for a while.

Jazz, Aunt Alicia and especially Maddie and Jack felt so relived to see that Danny was slowly coming back to them.

Danny to this day backs the fact that Mark knew something and planned the whole thing.

[melodyglow-blog]

Why i think Dabi / Touya is still alive after chapter 430

#spoilers ahead

Ok first of all,this shit was so ass, i dont even wanna think about how the final chapter looks like it was set in a dark AU ending where nothing changes and rei looks older than ever, still pushing enjis wheelchair for the past 8 years🤮, shoto being a workaholic (and soon being num ONE). Shouldnt he be more focused on his friendships??

Plus, no mention of his siblings that his arc has been working on reconnecting him with. 🤮 So like...Enji won? Shoto will be number one after all wtff..

But id rather think about the fact that touya could still be alive after the timeskip. Here are a few reasons why..

No gravestone shown, no image of a shrine or a burial, hell..no mention of his death AT ALL unlike with toga or shigaraki, erasers friend and midnight...hell, deku even hallucinates shiggy. If touya was truly dead i feel like we wouldve seen a panel of his shrine or ANY indication if his death.

Society and tech have improved so much that quirkless deku can be a hero, so theres no way that touya, with a partial healing ice quirk isnt kept alive.

He was last shown to be 'slowly marching towards death' like BITCH thats literally what being alive is, we are all slowly marching towards death😭

This man is allergic to dying and i do believe that hori left his outcome ambiguous for a reason, if hori wanted to show touya dead he 100% would.

Shoto smiling..like bro would be smiling like that after his oldest brother passed away, like i said, intentionally hori is avoiding any mention of Touya, even natuso is not shown or mentioned, just that shoto has become a workaholic and on his way to being number one...

Plus the panel text is from Deku's pov. So its not todoroki's internal monolouge thats revealed, only his expression and hopefully thats an indicator that his siblings are ok.

Hori has 100% lost the plot lmao, the ending is so convoluted and out of character that theres simply no in universe reason why Touya would be straight up dead. Making shoto mention his father instead of his brothers or sister or MOTHER was certainly a choice🤮🤮🤮.

Old rei pushing enjis wheelchair is sickening and i dont wanna believe that shes still his maid if she has had to mourn touya a second time, its gross and literally a dark au cause wtf.

Since none of shotos siblings were mentioned, this empty space of detail lets us assume that shoto isnt stressing about them. If touya was dead we would see him visiting his shrine, in japanese culture, visiting gravestones and praying to shrines of the dead is symbollic.

I firmly believe that hori either got seriously sick (he said his ears were leaking fluid) or got pressured by his team (he said he cried when his management made him scrap an extra comic page he drew of dabi and sceptic on the past) , i believe that at this point, he didnt have a lot of creative control over his work and wasnt allowed to dedicate more panels to the LOV. HE HAD to prioritise enji and the characters at the top of the poll. When touya came 4th on the final poll, it was too late, his story became enji's story even though hori confessed that he had initially written enji to be killed off in the high end nomu fight.

The story is such a retconned mess, theres no way he wasnt planning shiggy and touya to be SAVED physically, literally touyas last panel is of him crying alone lmaoo.

IN BOTH of Horikoshi's previous serialized series the villains lived and got to reform and atone at the end..

But yeah, my end verdict is that hori intentionally didnt mention touya for the fans to theorise about him living💀

BONUS ~ i saw a post mentioning this, There is also a throwaway panel of the Doctor "curing the uncurable" - which could refer to Touya

[hyuuukais]

⋆₊‧⁺˖⋆˚.⋆ ͙͘͡★ LOOK UP TO THE STARS

pairing ▪︎ han jisung x fem reader

synopsis ▪︎ sent out on a mission to a neighbouring QZ that's gone radio silent, y/n falls into the hands of a post-rebellion group after things go terribly wrong. giving up on rejoining her squad, she joins the group on a trek to find a missing member, the group leader's sister. what's supposed to be a not-so-simple trip out and back to their base becomes a one-way ticket to the end of everything they know.

warnings ▪︎ general, kinda major character death !!!, character lowkey brutally murdered,, but like deserved so 🤷‍♂️, two minor character deaths

MASTERLIST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

CHAPTER EIGHT ▪︎ DO YOU BELIEVE IN ANGELS? (8.4k)

"What's he doing all the way out here?" You question, leaning over Seungmin's shoulder to take a closer look at the radio; as if that will help you hear better. "We're pretty far from our QZ, none of our patrol routes even go this way."

"Maybe they changed it." Seungmin suggests. "We haven't been there in half a year, things could be different now. And we don't really know where we are right now in relation to any zone. And we both know he gets special privileges because of his sister."

You snort at this, knowing he's right. "True, but it's still weird."

"...and that concludes the music portion for today since I apparently didn't bring much with me. I could freestyle-"

"Noooo." Someone else groans and you immediately recognize Squad Leader Seo. "Don't, please, I'm begging you. Spare me, spare the listeners."

"Fine, but only because you might take this away from me..." Changbin huffs. "Now for the mandatory shit the QZ is making me say- sorry, now it's time to stay informed. We're looking for two young women named Lily Morrow and Choi Lia, preferably alive-"

"Definitely alive."

"-definitely alive. Lily more than Lia, as she's the head scientist in all this."

"You're going to get put off the air if you say too much, you know that right?"

"Yeah, yeah. They've been spotted in a town southwest of Lake Haven, which is where we're headed now. If anyone-"

Static fills the air, crackling loudly in your ears. Seungmin tries to regain the signal, but the crackling stops and the lights die out.

"Shit." Seungmin exhales, giving the side a smack. Nothing.

"At least we kind of have a lead of where to go?" You shrug.

"They'll be gone by the time we get there," Seungmin says, looking up at you. "With the time you need to fully heal-"

"I'm healed enough! I just won't like, do anything crazy, okay? I promise." There's absolutely no way Seungmin believes you, but he nods. "I'll even stay in the truck if you ask nicely."

"Fuck that." Seungmin scoffs. "We both know the only way you'd stay put is if both your legs were broken."

Laughter fills the small space. After trying a bit longer to get the radio back up and working, Seungmin finally gives up and you both climb back up the wobbly metal ladder. The sun is starting to come up and although you can't see it rising, you can see the sky beginning to light up and the morning dew on the overgrown grass in the yard. You walk over to the sliding doors, taking a moment to image what it would be like in its prime; the grass cut neatly, lawn chairs clean, save for sand particles that would have come off the bodies that have sat in them, boats on the water, and music coming from your neighbours cottages. You'd be standing here with a mug of hot coffee in your hand, maybe a friend or a lover by your side, gazing out on life, not the abandoned landscape this lake has become.

When you turn around, you see Seungmin already showing Chan down the hole, Han and Felix standing slightly further away. Chaeryeong gives you a small wave as she comes down the small staircase, Jeongin not too far behind. The only one missing is Hyunjin, and you know it's because of how late you two went to bed, so you take it upon yourself to wake him.

Entering the room, you see he's face down on the bed, his arm stretched out and seemingly searching for something. Hearing you enter the room, Hyunjin shifts enough to peak over his shoulder and sees you.

"Hey," He says, voice rough with sleep. "Time to get up?"

You sit on the bottom of the bed and he twists his body to curl around yours, his head finding your lap and arm wrapping around your back. As much as you want to stay here in this moment with him, you know you might not have much time before Lily and Lia leave town.

Judging from the map plastered above the radio, you estimate it should take about forty minutes to get there. By then, there will be a strong military presence and you'll have to be extra careful. Even if the radio wasn't dead, you'd have no way to figure out where exactly the two women are hiding out or the state they're in. Lily wouldn't make the mistake of reaching out twice, not when she's being hunted this way.

"Let's go, there's something we need to show you."

-

In no time, you're on the road again. Everyone has fresh clothes and are patched up to the best of Felix and Jeongins abilities, canned food stored in the back of the truck for later. You're having breakfast on the road, dried meat and berries picked from a neighbouring cottages bushes. Felix suggested fishing, but there was no time. The good nights sleep helped you, but you're still sore as Chan drives over bumpy roads. Somehow you made it through the night nightmare-free, but you can't say the same for Chan. The circles under his eyes are darker than the evening before, a hand frequently coming up to rub the sleep out of his eyes. Halfway through the drive, he has to switch with Hyunjin. He's taken a place next to you sitting in the middle of the backseat and you wordlessly bring his head down to your shoulder. Chan sighs, eyes fluttering shut and a hand finding your knee.

Seungmin is in the front next to Hyunjin, still trying to rediscover Changbin's station, but with no luck. By this time he's probably made it into town and is helping the others search. The reality of seeing Changbin again hits you suddenly, tensing at the thought of potentially having to fight him if you're caught. Out here, there shouldn't have been any chance of seeing your old friends, if you can even call him that. You didn't know him as well as Seungmin did, so you can only imagine what he might be thinking. Then again, you know they didn't always get along either, so maybe he's hoping for a chance to punch him in the face.

"We're almost there," Hyunjin announces. "I'm gonna pull over here, otherwise they'll spot us."

There are a couple of nods and 'okay's as he pulls over into a shady spot between some trees, driving deep enough to hide the truck, but not too deep you'll have trouble finding it later. You wake Chan up with a small nudge, but he still startles and almost hits his head on yours.

"Sorry, I-" You hold your free hand up.

"Don't apologize." You say, rubbing a thumb over his knuckles. "I get it."

"Thank you, Y/n," He gives you a tired smile, exiting the truck behind you.

The air is getting colder, crisper. Fall is in full swing now and you're not sure what it will be like come winter, but you're hoping you've found Hannah by then and will be well on your way back to your little village. Leaves crunch underfoot as you walk parallel to the road, following it into town. It's bigger than you expected, greeted by a small shopping center and a grocery store on the edge of town. There are infected wandering around the parking lots, so you keep your distance. There has to be a way to figure out where Lily and Lia are hiding, some sign...

"There!" Chaeryeong stage-whispers when you enter a more residential area. Up ahead is a house with a broken window and what looks to be a lab coat laid over the windowsill. You recognize it as Lily's, the way it's patched in the middle to make it shorter and easier to wear. You're about to approach when you hear whistling.

"Get down!" Seungmin warns.

You stay where you are, right beside an abandoned postal van with Chaeryeong beside you. Felix is close enough that he joins you, crouched low by the bumper. You don't know where Seungmin called from, lost somewhere in the tall grass. The cover is probably better than whatever you're doing.

"In there!" The shout is distant, but you stay alert.

Two soldiers emerge from the side of a house across the street and you duck down further, your stomach almost on the ground. You think you recognize one of them, but they're too far to tell. One investigates the window as the other kicks the door down, gun back up in seconds. She enters the house, her partner following suit. No one from your group moves, all sitting ducks waiting for the soldiers to reemerge. When they don't, you take it upon yourself to move forward.

"Y/n!" Chan scolds as you move past him in the grass; your head whips toward his voice. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Entering the house. I can take them both out." You defend. "If Lily and Lia are in there, we need to get to them first."

"Let me go with- shit." Chans head perks up, and you follow his eyes to see Han already hopping the fence surrounding the house. "Damn it, just- go after him and don't die. I'll go around back with Felix and meet you inside, okay?"

"What about the others?" You ask, knowing they won't like getting left behind.

"Hey, I know that face, and no one is being left out." Chan frowns. "I'll send the others to check out other houses in the area in case they already left this one. Now go!"

You do as he says, hurrying toward the house. Han is inside now, but you can see him through the window looking into the living room with Lily's lab coat. Hopping through the empty space, you clear your throat just loud enough for him to hear. He flinches, but when he sees it's you, he relaxes again.

"You go up and I'll check this floor out?" Han proposes.

"Sure." You nod.

The stairs are broken halfway up, a large gap you'd have to jump over and create more noise than you want to standing in your way. You're about to just do it, but when you look into the kitchen, you can see where the floor above has collapsed, partially on top of the island. Climbing onto the countertop, you're able to glance up and find yourself in what looks like the master bedroom, one foot of the bed hanging over the edge of the hole you're now pulling yourself up from.

Right as you enter, so does one of the soldiers. She trains her gun on you, but then her eyes widen with recognition. Ryujin subconsciously brings her rifle down, mouth hanging open as you stare back at her. Part of you puts the pieces together- the whole of Squad 14-4 must be here, possibly along with your own, Squad 14-3. Why didn't you think of that before? Why would Squad Leader Seo be here with only Changbin, not her whole squad? And you already know her and Minho like to work together.

"I'm sorry Y/n." It's like Ryujin remembers her role in this, raising her gun back up and your hands follow. "We got a live one!"

"Shit, I'm sorry too Ryu."

And you're leaping at her, pushing the tip of her gun away as she shoots. There's a grunt, and you panic before you see her fellow soldier falling to the ground. You don't know him, and temporary relief floods you before you're kicked back to the ground. Normally you'd be back on your feet in an instant, but Ryujin managed to kick where your bruises are darkest, and you find you can't move. She aims her rifle at your face and you curse yourself; you're not dying at the hands of the military, you're either kicking it from old age or doing it yourself. Fuck this world trying to kill you, you'll show it who's boss.

Ignoring the hot pain in your side, you launch yourself forward and grab Ryujin around the waist. This throws her off enough to drop her weapon behind you, landing on her back with a cough. Her hands are pinned under your knees as you straddle her, landing a swift punch to her now bleeding nose. One of her hands wriggles free and she grabs your neck tightly, rolling you over and switching positions.

"I thought-" You wheeze, fingers trying to dislodge hers. "-you were loyal-"

"I barely know you," She grips tighter. "And you made me shoot my friend."

Black dots swim in the corners of your vision and your fighting is becoming weaker as all air leaves you, but you keep going. You refuse to let her win, to let them win. There's only a split second where you consider letting go, the black dots nearly taking up your vision, but something knocks Ryujin to the side and you're able to take a deep breath, coughing and wheezing as you roll onto your side. Drool drips from your lips as you heave, a wave of dizziness hitting you when you try and move onto your back. A gun shot sounds behind you, triggering your survival instinct, and you find yourself able to move without thinking.

Han stands in the doorway, his sniper rifle still by his eye. Your eyes wander to the target, and you spot Ryujin's body slumped over, her legs still straddling yours and a hole in the middle of her forehead dripping dark, red blood. As soon as his weapon drops, Han is by your side checking you over. No doubt deep, purple bruises already forming around your neck with how tightly she held you, his fingers gingerly brushing over the tender skin. You can see the worry in his eyes, trying to offer a smile to reassure him as you continue to cough.

"Can you speak?"

"Yeah of cour-" You're interrupted by another violent cough to contradict what you were trying to say.

"Let me send you back out there. Go find the truck and wait for us," Han tries to help you up, but you pull away at his suggestion.

"No-" You wheeze, breathing carefully as to not upset your throat.

"Don't argue with me for once," Han whines and makes another attempt to help you, but you push yourself back up on wobbly legs.

Clearing your throat, you just shake your head. If you can't talk, you won't, simple as that. You can still fight, even if you're slightly unbalanced. When you exit the room, you come out next to the stairs and there's another gunshot. Suddenly, you're yanked back and pressed against someone's chest as the bullet grazes the bridge of your nose. If you focus hard enough, you could probably feel Han's heart beating against your back with how hard it's racing.

"Close call," You whisper, out of breath.

"I thought you couldn't talk." Han comments.

"Up there!" Comes a voice from below. "Through the kitchen!"

They probably heard the shots Han fired and came running. You didn't see how many were coming inside when you were shot at, but you assume at least another group of two or three. Across from the room you're in is another bedroom, and probably your only way out. You can't go back down through the kitchen, that's where they're going to climb up, and you caught a glimpse of the collapsed roof blocking off the rest of the upstairs.

"Here's the plan," You whisper hoarsely, detaching from Han; seems you really can't shut up. You can hear the soldiers climbing. "We're going to run into the other bedroom and block the door somehow so they can't follow, okay? Then hopefully there's a window in there we can exit through and meet up with the others."

"What about Lily and Lia?" Han asks.

"Clearly they're not in here-"

"Freeze!" One soldier has entered the master bedroom and is standing at the edge of the broken floor.

"Ready?" You look at Han in the eyes and he nods. "Now."

The soldier is shouting something behind you and there's gunfire hitting the doorway right as you pass through. You duck down in front of the stairs, not making the same mistake as before, and another bullet just barely hits you, leaving a streak of blood on your forehead just above your eyebrow. Scrambling to the other side with Han close behind you, you make it into the other room and slam the door shut. Han starts pushing a dresser over and you help, grabbing the other side and heaving it in front of the door. You're almost there when it swings open, hitting the dresser. Without thinking, you take a knife from the sheath on your thigh and aim at their arm, forcing them to stumble back out of the doorway. Once the dresser is in front, there's only loud banging from the other side.

There's a moment of silence where you and Han share a look, preparing to head out of the window behind you when more gunfire sounds and you both drop flat to the ground. Holes paint the wooden door and walls as you shuffle your way to the opposite side of the room, waiting for the perfect moment to slip outside. When there's a pause in the shots- you assume they're reloading- you signal Han to get out first. By some dumb luck, there's a tree branch hanging down in front of the broken glass he can hang onto, making his way to the trunk and sliding down. You have to wait a few more minutes before joining him, more gunfire destroying the barrier between you and however many soldiers stand behind that wall. You wince as you vault over the windowsill, hands almost slipping as you grip the thick branch, and a wave of pain shoots down your side. Swinging your legs up, you're able to shuffle your body so your stomach is lying on the branch now, taking a moment to breathe. Sweat beads on your brow bone, the pain throbbing, but you power through and make your way to where Han is waiting at the bottom.

From here, no one should be able to see you. You're at the back of the house in a deep, overgrown backyard, the long grass providing cover. There's a big wooden porch directly in front of you, but the back door of the house is blocked by furniture from the inside, obscuring the view outward. You're about to turn away from the house and try to find the others, but as your eyes start to drift away, you spot double doors underneath the porch on an angle and grab Han's arm before he can move away.

"Were there stairs leading down anywhere on the main level?" You ask, eyes glued to the doors. There's a heavy metal lock on the stone base and a huge rock right next to it.

"No, why- oh," Han follows your sightline. "Do you think...?"

"We should check."

Moving quickly and quietly, you crouch your way to the doors and open up one side just enough to get through. Shutting the door, you're engulfed by nearly complete darkness, the slightest bit of sunlight peeking through the cracks of the wood panels making up the entrance. The stairs downward creak loudly under your boots as you make your way into this large, hidden space underneath the house made up of a dirt floor and stone walls, colder than the rest of the house was. As you step onto the soft earth, you reach a hand back to stop Han from continuing. In the corner is a large figure shaking; in this light you can't tell what it is, cold sweat covering your body as you realize- you didn't see any bodies in the house. Either the family evacuated or...

A loud whimper is accompanied by the figure jolting, followed by some kind of soothing whispers. Inching your way toward the corner, you see it's actually two figures, and they're not infected. It doesn't take long to realize who you're looking at- Lily has Lia in her lap wrapped in what looks like an old rug, and when her eyes snap up to meet yours, you can see the blood splattered across Lily's face.

"Tell me you have a medic with you," She pleads, and you notice just how pale Lia is, the way sweat glistens on her skin.

"No," You say, kneeling down next to her. "Just me and Han. The others are back outside looking around the neighbourhood for you two."

"I left my jacket so you would know which house we were in if you came along." Lily's voice is tired, hoarse. "She's not going to make it, is she?"

Pulling away the rug, you see two wounds on Lia; there's a bullet hole in her chest, inches away from her heart, and the marks of a dog bite on her thigh still oozing blood. Her chances aren't likely and you're realistic, but the look on Lily's face makes you want to lie and say there's still a chance, maybe if you got to Felix or Jeongin quick enough, but you know she'll be able to see through your lie, if your hesitation hasn't said enough already.

"No," You admit, laying a hand over Lilys which is still clutching onto Lia's side. "No, she won't. I'm sorry Lily." You don't fail to notice the way Lia's breathing has gotten shallower. "We have to get you out of here, okay? Bring you to safety."

"I'm not leaving her," Lily says firmly.

"You have to," You say softly. "There's no choice. We either leave you here and let them discover you, or you let us help you. Why do they need you so badly anyway? What did you ever do to warrant this kind of special attention?"

"You know I'm a scientist, but what you don't know is that I'm like you," She looks at you as you shift onto your knees in front of her; you have a feeling she has a lot to say. "I was in a quarantine zone for most of my life being trained by the best of the best... my parents. They were a part of the original group in this area trying to find a cure for the zombie virus, or whatever it is. After they passed, it was up to me, and they had really high expectations of me and I... I got close."

"What?" Han finally emerges from where he's been sitting on the steps in the dark. "Close to the cure? Why'd you stop?"

Lily shakes her head at him. "You wouldn't understand, not like Y/n. Those people are horrible and corrupt. They'd keep the cure for themselves and only give it to those who they think deserve it. I couldn't let them do that, so I left with all my research that I could carry with me. That was three years ago."

"How'd you stay under the radar for so long?" You ask, eyebrows knitting together.

"I faked my death?" Lily laughs wearily. "One of my friends was in a squad that tracked me down and cornered me in a school I was hiding out in. She let me go, told the others some infected got to me. There were so many roaming around I guess they just... believed her. She's a good soldier, trusted. After that, I was free to run far away. I ran into Lia pretty soon after, then met the rest."

"If you didn't call for help in the hospital they never would have found you," Han states. "Why'd you do it?"

"My combat skills are... limited." She looks away, a blush creeping up her face. "Lia's a great fighter, and San is- um, was, too, but there were too many even for them. I knew it was risky, but I'd rather fight my way out of a quarantine zone again than a horde of flesh-eating monsters."

She doesn't talk for a while. You look down at Lia; her breathing has completely stopped. Lily is tucking a strand of hair out of her pale face, cupping her cheek and whispering something in her ear before gently placing her body on the dirt floor. Beside you, Han is silent.

"It would be selfish of me to stay here and let them find me when she died for this cause," Lily says with a new fire. "And I can't let Hannah die because I'm stubborn."

Your eyes widen at her unknown confession. "Did you say Hannah?"

"Is that important?"

"Very," You say, unable to hide your smile as you look at Han, whose eyes are wider than yours.

-

It's surprisingly easy to avoid getting spotted as you sneak through the backyard and start to head back to where Hyunjin hid the truck. As you weave through the long-abandoned houses, you peek inside for any signs of your friends. Up ahead, you see a familiar figure dashing between two parked cars and signal Han to wait in the alley you're walking through. Following where you saw the person head, you enter a small dance studio. She's standing with her back to you, hand trailing one wall.

"Chaeryeong." You whisper when you're close enough to her and she jumps, making you laugh. "Where's Jeongin? Hyunjin? Hell, even Chan and Felix? Those two were supposed to meet with me and Han in that house."

"I got separated from Jeongin." She huffs, leaning against a wooden bar sticking out from the wall. There's a small cut on her neck, but other than that and some dirt, she looks unscathed. "Hyunjin ended up going with the other two, but I don't know what happened after Jeongin and I left you guys. I hope he's okay. I hope they're all okay."

Worry is written all over her face and she hugs herself subconsciously. Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, you try and reassure her.

"I'm sure they're fine, they know how to take care of themselves." You squeeze her in hopes of comforting her. "The back of that house was blocked off, so they might have tried to find another way in and we missed them."

"Yeah, yeah." Chaeryeong's head turns to yours. "You're right. Besides-"

"Hands up!"

You freeze, the hair on the back of your head sticking up. That voice is familiar, but you can't place it until you turn around and see Officer Song staring back at you with five more soldiers behind him. He scoffs, approaching you carelessly, and you have half a mind to grab the knife from your hip and stick it in his chest.

"We meet again." He announces. "What are you doing, always interfering the way you do? You both know all the actual rebels are long dead, right?"

He's referring to their parents, you know it. As far as you know, everyone you've met were born into the rebellion against how the government handled the apocalypse, save for Hyunjin and Jeongin and now you and Seungmin too.

Rough hands grip your arm closest to him, dragging you away from Chaeryeong and throwing you to the ground; as if you don't have enough bruises. You watch from the floor as another soldier grabs onto Chaeryeong and disarms her, all of Officer Song's attention laser-focused on you. With him crouched in front of you, you're having a sense of deja vu, only this time you still have a weapon that seems to have gone unnoticed. In a flash, your hand is on the knife and swinging at Officer Song, landing a blow into his shoulder. He grunts and falls back, but is up again in seconds and grabbing you under the chin.

"You little bitch," He seethes, and you can see blood seeping through his army green shirt. "You think you can get away with that? How do you feel about never seeing your little friends ever again?"

Unable to respond with words, you gather saliva in your mouth and spit directly at his face. He throws you back down to wipe his face with the bottom of his shirt and stands. In the background, Chaeryeong is still fighting the hold of both the soldiers holding her against the wall by her arms, legs flailing up and hair falling into her face. Her teeth are bared as Officer Song walks past her, not even sparing her a glance, with your knife still stuck in his body. He makes some sort of hand gesture and suddenly there are two pairs of hands on you, lifting you up to a standing position.

"Send a squad to hunt the others down." He orders, turning around and making eye contact with you. "No one makes it out alive."

-

There's a dull pain in your left temple where you assume you've been hit, your eyes blinking open to a blurry cell door greeting you. You know where you are; the familiar musty smell of this quarantine zone's makeshift jail fills your nostrils as you begin to remember what happened. For a moment, panic overwhelms you, but then you spot Chaeryeong across from you, still out like a light. There's a faint bruise forming on her jaw. You're going to kill whoever hit her.

"Awake?" A voice from beside you asks and you turn your head to see someone you don't recognize waltzing in. "Can you hear me? I know my people did a number on you."

He smiles down at you and you don't answer.

"How about a name?" You still don't reply. "Stubborn, okay, I'll start. My name is Kim Hongjoong, but you can call me Captain Kim. You killed two of my soldiers and stabbed an officer, what do you think your punishment should be, hm?"

"Captain!" He doesn't spare a glance to whoever called for him from the door, just hums in response. "One of the squad leaders found some others, but they claim to be lost. Can you see to them?"

"I guess I should get going." Captian Kim exhales, his shoulders dropping. "I'll see you later, Y/n."

"How did you know-" But he's gone before you can finish your sentence, leaving you in your dimly lit, cold, cement cell.

There are a few hours between each visit from random cadets, something you remember having to do as a part of your training. Chaeryeong has woken up and you've both complained about the hard ground and the temperature. You know it's supposed to be uncomfortable and boring, but it still sucks major balls to be stuck in here with nothing to do. You wonder about the other people; you wonder about your people.

"Hey, Y/n? Can I ask you something?" Chaeryeong shuffles her way to the front of her cell, sitting with her legs crossed.

"What's up?"

"How did you know you had feelings for Hyunjin." You blush.

"That's what you're wondering right now? Not maybe how we're going to get out of this mess?" You laugh when she shrugs in response. "Why do you want to know?"

When she blushes and tries to brush off your question, you gasp.

"No," You say. "Who?!"

"No one! Forget I asked!" She puts her head in her hands and laughs louder, but it's cut short by the door opening.

A young cadet walks behind Captain Kim, three others following suit. When their faces come into the light, you fight to remain stoic. Walking with the Captain is none other than Han Jisung. Why isn't he being thrown in a cell right now? Why is he free to stand beside them and stare into your eyes like-

Then it hits you; he's playing a part. No one here besides you and Chaeryeong should know who he is. In the hospital, everyone but him and Chaeryeong were inside. Officer Song never saw him, Minho never saw him, nobody saw him. And your heart leaps at the thought of him here to rescue you.

"You don't recognize her?" Captain Kim asks, watching Han intently as he shakes his head with furrowed eyebrows.

"No, sir," He says dutifully, looking at him with the same confused eyes he was just looking at you with. Hell, if you didn't know better, you'd think he'd suffered from some kind of memory loss.

"You're sure?"

"Very."

"Alright... and her?" They turn around to Chaeryeong's cell and he shakes his head again, but you notice he's making a damn peace sign behind his back to you. "Very well. We'll have to take you in for further questioning before deciding what to do with you, I hope you'll understand."

"Of course, sir."

Captain Kim smiles at him, his profile somehow still lit sharply in the dim lights. "I like you... we'll make a soldier out of you."

Han salutes with a shit-eating grin on his face, but quickly turns it into fake sincerity.

"Aye-aye captain, I won't disappoint!" And you know he won't. Han will play the part to a T until he can get you two out of here and back on the road. You know how loyal he is to Chan and the others, there's no way he's actually considering this... and no way does he have you fooled as well, taking his disguise as well as he is.

How did Chan approve of this idiotic plan? One wrong move and he'll be found out, not only fucking up the chances of getting you out, but setting the group even further back in finding Hannah. Han casts you one last glance before the three leave the room, winking as he exits. Once the door shuts, you turn to Chaeryeong with wide eyes and she sighs.

"This is not going to end well..."

-

Whatever Han is doing seems to be working.

Over the next few days, he's in and out of the cells training just like you had once. On the first night, you had the realization that you still have your bobby pin and could easily pick the locks of both yours and Chaeryeong's cell doors, but she talked you out of the idea.

"We do that and they'll be all over us in seconds," She said. "There's no guarantee that this QZ is set up like yours and we're weaponless. Surely there's someone guarding this door as well, if not multiple someones?"

"Well, yeah..." You looked away from her, embarrassed.

"So we need a better plan than that." She gave you a sad look. "I'm sorry Y/n, I know I haven't been able to think of anything that would actually work and not end in our deaths either."

In the present, Han is crouched in front of your cell door and sticking his hand through the bars to poke at you. You open your eyes with a jolt, hands raising in defence, but immediately falling back to your lap when you see it's just him. Han retracts his hand, going to sit on his knees in front of you. You raise an eyebrow at him, prompting him to announce why he's sitting in front of you like you're friends.

"I have a plan," Han says, giddy. He bites his bottom lip to contain what you assume is excitement. "Not only can I get you both out of here, but we can also steal information regarding resources Lily might need for the cure. I've also heard rumours about some kind of zombie-free city? I bet you there's info about that too, I just haven't located it yet..."

"How are you gonna do that without being caught?" You ask, squinting your eyes at him.

"I've made friends." His smile grows wider.

"Friends...?" You eye him.

"Squad Leader kind of friends... maybe a specific one?" You sit up, clasping the bars in front of his face. "A certain man named Lee Minho who just so happens to be here on business?"

"You're fucking lying-" But it makes sense. Where Squad Leader Seo goes, he goes.

"I'm not!" He almost sounds offended. "Minho agreed to help cover me when I steal the plans tonight-"

"Tonight?"

"Tonight! Then, I'll come in here and bust you out when I'm on guard duty with Changbin. He's cool, by the way." Han stands up, and you do as well. "We're going to fake a fight and he'll let us slip out since apparently you two know each other and he feels he owes it to you for leaving you behind that day."

Your chest tightens. That day, the last day of being a cadet. You almost forgot he was there too.

"Anyway, there's a kind of secret underground tunnel thing going on in this QZ that we can use to get out," Han's voice quickens, knowing he's running out of time before someone comes in here. "I'll bring you both some kind of weapon if I can, but no promises. Once we leave through that door, we have to be faster than we've ever been before. I already ran this plan over with Chaeryeong while you were dozing."

Behind him, you can see her curled into herself with her eyes closed, breathing steady, and the occasional twitch. She's fixed her hair back into a low bun, only a few strands of black sweeping over her sleeping face. She looks like an angel.

"Okay." You turn your attention back to Han. "You want this plan to work? Get your butt back out there and do your job, or they'll start to get suspicious."

After Han leaves, you take some time pacing around your cell and ruminating his words. The plan is risky, but any plan in a place as secure as a quarantine zone would be. There's a lot of room for error and a ton of kinks to work out, but your heart is focusing on something much louder than what your mind needs to be thinking of; Minho. Why hasn't he come to see you if he's here? You assume you weren't supposed to find out since he's only helping Han technically. Will he find out you know? And if he does, will he come see you then? Or is him knowing you a danger to himself? If they connect him to you escaping both here and the hospital, what will happen to him? You don't let yourself think about it too much more, opting to sit and pick at the bars of your cell as a distraction.

-

Just over an hour later, Han is back at your cell with a ring of keys in his shaky hands. After a few tries, he drops the keys and you're on your feet in an instant, sticking your hand through the bars to grab his hand as he tries a new key. He's looking at you now, eyes darting toward the door as he attempts to even his breathing. You squeeze his hand, a way to reassure him that everything will be okay, even if you don't know that for sure.

"I think someone knows," Han blurts. "I think someone saw me sneaking out of Captain Kim's office with Minho."

"Then we need to hurry," You say, keeping your voice calm. "If they're onto us, we need to be able to get out of here before they can find us, okay? That means you have to calm down. I know it isn't easy, but you have to try."

He takes a deep breath, sticking the final key in the lock. A click sounds and your cell door swings open, allowing you to finally leave the cage you've inhabited over the last few days. Han quickly releases Chaeryeong and speeds over to the door, taking a look outside before opening it wider to let you two out ahead of him. Changbin is right outside and you jump at the sight of him.

"Thanks for the help," You say, avoiding eye contact as he leads you through the dark halls.

Changbin opens a door into what looks like a storage closet. "I owe it to you, and to Squad Leader Lee."

"Is he- how is he?" You pause, knowing you shouldn't.

"He's..." Changbin kneels down to push aside a threadbare rug to reveal a trap door not unlike the one in the cottage, easily opening it with one hand and stepping to the side. "He's surviving. Did he not-"

"Traitors."

The one word is enough to make you all turn around to see Officer Song staring at you with narrow eyes, red in the face. With a gun in one hand and some kind of hand-held radio in the other, he's calling for backup in no time. As he raises the weapon at your group, you're diving down the hole and running right when your feet hit the ground. You catch a glimpse of the others when you take a look behind you, seeing that Changbin has joined the escape. The tunnels are musty and rough, with hard dirt and clay making up the walls and ceilings. Multiple tunnels diverge from the one you're running down, but you continue to go straight with no real direction. You have no idea where you're going, only that you need to keep moving.

"Turn up there!" Changbin shouts from behind you; he's closer than the others, his footsteps catching up to yours.

Doing as he says, you turn right where the pathway curves, but you're met with a hard wall of a person, causing you to stumble backward. Han wasn't able to grab a weapon for you, so you raise your fists in defense. Past your hands, you make eye contact with Minho and freeze, spotting Squad Leader Seo behind him in your peripheral vision. There's still shouting behind you, but you can't move; the world has slowed and it's just you and him staring at each other.

"I guess there's no talking you out of this now," Minho says. "They're on your trail."

"Yeah," You say, barely breathing. "You should leave before they find you with us, both of you."

Squad Leader Seo shakes her head. "I'm not leaving my brother."

"Okay." You start walking again, then jogging. "There- a door!"

A heavy door sits at the end of the tunnel, but as you approach you notice the giant sign- DO NOT OPEN! INFECTED QUARTERS!

"I just had a genius idea," you say. There are two other pathways leading away from the door and you notice an arrow pointing down one side, signaling an alternate exit, which sparks a plan. "We need to get this thing open, then bolt, but we have to time this perfectly."

"Are you insane?" Squad Leader Seo moves past you, beginning down the other path. "We'll all get killed. Better to just get out while we still can."

"C'mon! Yeah, it's risky, so is this whole damn escape!" You throw your arms up in frustration. "It's going to open toward us, blocking us out of sight. Any infected behind that door are going to go for the people straight in front of them, aka, the people who want to kill us. They're already catching up, this'll buy us time!"

"I guess you have a point," She sighs. "But that door is heavy, it'll take all of us-"

"So we'd better get started, because it looks like they're here." Minho grabs the top of the large metal door handle, nodding his head to the end of the tunnel you came from.

Grabbing the bottom, you help him pull. Changbin comes between you, sweat beading on your brow bone from the effort. The door creaks and groans loudly as it opens and you can already hear hissing and growling from behind. Once it's about halfway open, it swings the rest of the way easily, stopping right where you thought it would. Next to you, Han and Squad Leader Seo are firing at the approaching soldiers, quickly stopping as the door shelters you from the fight about to begin. Using the door as cover, you take a minute to breathe. There are people shouting from beyond the door, mixing with the terrifying noises of the zombies you've unleashed upon them. When you hear a squelching sound, your feet move on their own away from fight.

At the end of the tunnel, there's a trap door leading up, rusty metal bars sticking out of the dirt wall to form a ladder. Minho goes first, placing a hand on your shoulder before you can head up. Distant growls and shooting become quieter as you climb up next, Chaeryeong following after you. Squad Leader Seo doesn't bother closing the trap door behind her, staring down into the darkness before walking toward the group.

The tunnel seems to have opened up a bit further than you'd have thought, right on the path of a worn patrol route. In the distance, you can see a few buildings signaling the beginning of a town, and you think it may be the same one you found Lily in. There's a road to your left and some woods right behind you, the trap door right at the tree line. From here, you can make your way back through or around the town and meet where the truck is supposed to be, if it's still there.

"Han, is the-"

Crack. The sound of a gunshot rings through the still air, the sound of a body dropping right by your feet; you're scared to see who it is. There are a few more clicks of a gun and a frustrated groan before you turn slowly to see a bloody and bitten Officer Song tossing an empty gun away. His body is halfway out of the trapdoor, one arm torn to shreds. Without medical attention, he'll bleed out, if he doesn't turn first.

"Traitors." Officer Song repeats his earlier words. Looking down, you see Changbin hovering over his sister's body, a hole in the center of her forehead. Lifeless eyes stare past you into the trees. "You had such potential."

Minho is gritting his teeth, to keep some choice words at bay you assume. His body is moving without thinking, stomping up to Officer Song and yanking his head back by the hair to look him in the eye. Watching as Minho glares down at the older man, you slowly approach. The level of hate in his eyes is something you've never seen before, almost scaring you like you're the one he's killing over and over again in his mind.

"Kill me," Officer Song taunts. "Coward."

The last straw, calling Minho a coward. A knife is at his throat in seconds, but you're holding his arm back before he can slice.

"Don't," You say, stern. "Drop the knife, Min, he's not worth it. Let him turn and suffer that pain. He deserves it."

There's a moment when Minho tries to tug his arm out of your grip, but you know he's not putting much strength into it. Slowly, his hand is back at his side, knife falling to the ground. With one last look, he spits at the ground by Officer Song. You're back to where Changbin has now picked up his sister, his eyes red and puffy as he avoids your gaze. Taking a deep breath, he nods and you start to lead the group across the road. You can hear Officer Song laughing behind you.

"Stupid girl."

"Y/n!" The sound of Chaeryeong's voice makes you spin around just in time to see the knife Minho left flying your way, but it doesn't hit you.

"No-" Chaeryeong collapses against you and you look over her shoulder; the weapon is embedded in her back, right between the wings on her graphic tee. "Chaer, no, why- why would you do that?"

You gently fall to the ground, cupping her face with one hand, the other around her waist to keep her up. Han has appeared by your side with a panicked look on his face, his own hands coming up to brush stray hairs away. There's a smile on her face as a tear falls from one of her eyes.

"I can't feel my legs." She gasps, the smile dropping for a second. "I'm going to die, aren't I?"

"You're not going to die-" Han says, voice shaking, although you both know the truth.

"Don't lie to me Jisung," She looks at him and laughs, followed by a cough. "Not- not now. Please."

"Chaer, you can't die." Han's voice breaks, and you save him the humility of seeing him cry by focusing on the girl in your arms. "Y-you can't, you can't die. We'll save you, Felix and Jeongin will patch you up and save you like they did Hyunjin and-"

"Ji, I can't feel anything."

There's blood on her face from where you've trailed your fingers down her jaw, a small trickle coming from the corner of her mouth the next time she coughs. Although you haven't known her as long as the others, your heart aches severely watching the light fade from her eyes. Soon, she's motionless in your lap, angel wings painted a deep red. Your eyes make contact with the knife and anger consumes you, pulling it gently out of her back and standing up.

Officer Song is lying with his cheek to the ground, but you know he's still alive by the way his chest rises and falls. His eyes are closed until you kick him in the chest to make him lie flat, eyelids shooting open in pain. Before he can speak, your boot is on his neck hard. You crouch down, keeping your foot in place as you watch him smile.

"You think you're so fucking funny?" You hiss, voice laced with venom. "You won't be laughing when this knife is down your fucking throat."

Removing your foot, you drive the blade at the exposed skin of his neck and drag it down, blood flooding on either side of him. He's choking, one hand weakly trying to stop the bleeding. You see the life leave his face, the final twitch of his fingers; you can't stop staring until someone is pulling you away. Stumbling back, you let Minho bring you to the others. You can feel blood drying on your hands and face. Han is holding Chaeryeong, and you wish you'd have let Minho kill Officer Song.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

notes ▪︎ erm.. pls don't hate me 🙏

─── taglist : @chaeryred @toplinelix @channie-143 @staysinbloom @manuosorioh @hanjisunglover @xxstrayland @puppyminnnie @hanjsquokka @kpopsstuffs @ot8girlfie @quokkabite @linoslawayslinos @reapers-lover @hannieslittlerockstar @kiki0113 @nishiriks @nxtt2-u @moonlightjam @hannieslovebot @minmininnie @8lives1heart @skzswife @emi-han @alisonyus

green means i can't tag you!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update: november 2024

*arrives halfway through december with a hot chocolate in hand* WHO WANTS TO KNOW WHAT I READ IN NOVEMBER

this is not going to be my best or most thoroughly written roundup but I want this shit posted so you get what you get

Sharks Don't Sink: Adventures of a Rogue Shark Scientist (Jasmin Graham with Makeba Raisin, 2024) - as a shark enjoyer who was too dumb to go into marine biology, I was really looking forward to Graham's book about her experiences as a Black woman working in this very white field. while the book's a bit dry it's also a fun, quick read, with an infinitely likeable narrator whose passion bursts out of every page and will delight anybody who also loves sharks. Graham's determination to forge her own path and make spaces for herself and other women of color makes for an inspiring story, and though this book isn't specifically targeted at younger readers, I'd happily recommend gifting it to any girls looking at getting into any kind of animal-related field so that they can find a worthy role model in Jasmin Graham.

Bite by Bite: Nourishments and Jamborees (Aimee Nezhukumatathil, 2024) - I feel bad, but I was disappointed! I was so smitten with poet Nezhukumatathill's previous collection of short essays, World of Wonder, in which she extolls the virtues of various animals and plants. while I always enjoy a lush description of a good food, and the illustrations were very charming (the shave ice in particular had me YEARNING to blow my savings on a trip to Hawaii), it Bite by Bite lacked the substance of its predecessor. the connections drawn in each essay felt a bit more contrived this time around, with many feeling like thinly veiled justifications for Nezhukumatathil to pontificate on her sons growing up rather than celebrating the foods she spotlights for their own merits. I ended up feeling as if I was rushing to get it over with, which is always sad.

Four Lost Cities: A Secret History of the Urban Age (Annalee Newtiz, 2021) - this was one of the most unexpect delights of the year. I know borderline nothing about archaeology and anthropology, but Newitz paints such vivid images of their subjects that I found myself getting genuinely emo about disaster relief efforts in Pompeii. idk what it was, man, but they took their right turns stupid just like we did! humans is the same after all this time! it's been a while since I picked up a book about something totally alien to me and got to settle in for the pure joy of learning from a talented writer, and this book hit the spot tremendously. if anyone is planning on doing my 2025 book bingo challenge and needs an idea for the nonfiction about a topic that's new to them, consider this a recommendation!

The Truth According to Ember (Danica Nava, 2024) - maaaaan. I wasn't, like, blown away by the synopsis of this romance novel, in which the titular Ember lies about being white rather than Chickasaw in order to land a job only to immediately find herself crushing hard on a Native coworker, Danuwoa, and getting increasingly wrapped up in a web of lies. while the plot's not exactly original, I was excited to check out a book by a Native author about Native characters getting a pretty big release, something I hadn't yet encountered in romancelandia. but honestly? the biggest disappointment in this book wasn't the unoriginal story or Disney Channel sitcom-levels of hijinks to maintain the various lies, but it's the fact that lying about being white isn't even really the crux of the plot. Ember doesn't get fired for that! that's not actually the thing anyone has an issue with! she gets in trouble for lying about having a degree that she doesn't have to get a job she's wildly underqualified for, which is a significantly bigger issue! but all of the marketing is based on her lying about being Native, which feels... idk, it feels misleading? also the romance takes, like, a loooong time to show up; Danuowa is very secondary for like the first third of the book while we learn about the ins and outs of Ember's life, family drama, and new job. I don't know if I've ever been begging for a romance heroine to interact with love interest more, but this book made it happen.

The MAGA Diaries: My Surreal Adventures Inside the Right-Wing (And How I Got Out) (Tina Nguyen, 2024) - on the one hand, I really fuckin' feel for Tina Nguyen. what started out as a college flirtation with libertarianism spiraled into a deep immersion in the burgeoning alt-right thanks to her then-boyfriend, including a brief stint working under Tucker Carlson himself. Nguyen ultimately comes to realize the extent of batshit insanity the republican party is descending into, jumping ship well before the 2016 election thanks to an increasing sense that something is deeply amiss among the right's journalism core. (one especially chilling anecdote involves Nguyen, the daughter of Vietnamese immigrants, discovering that her longtime mentor, a man she had trusted for years to help advise her career, had been caught discussing a desire to curb America's population of immigrants.) although she spins her firsthand knowledge and exhaustive list of contacts to start reporting on the right for liberal outlets, Nguyen remains skeptical of what she perceives a critical lack of organization among the Democrats, which I can certainly forgive her for. I have a bit more side eye for Nguyen's reluctance to fully condemn some of her old colleagues; in particular, she goes to lengths to emphasize that Carlson was a pretty chill boss. idk, maybe it's hard to cut ties that completely, even with people who turned out to be monsters. overall the memoir is lacking any especially artful prose but is a bitchin' gossip piece with some decent insights into how the right organizes.

Minor Feelings: An Asian American Reckoning (Cathy Park Hong, 2020) - it's always so momentous when a book actually lives up to the hype. Hong blurs memoir and essay for a resonant and painful examination of all the ways Asian American identity gets tangled up in shame, including her own. this book is potent, and by far one of my favorite nonfiction reads of the year. I think @zaricats recommended it like 700 years ago so thank you for that!

Crazy Rich Asians (Kevin Kwan, 2013) - it's. fine. it's literally just fine.

The Nightmare Before Kissmas (Sara Raasch, 2024) - not fine, this one sucked shit so bad it gave me a headache multiple times. how do you squander a premise as silly as "the Christmas Prince and the Halloween Prince are in secret gay love"? how do you make that boring? why was this mostly just a book about workplace politics with a little tinsel on top? unfortunately I WILL be reading the sequel in March, but only to complain.

Doppelganger: A Trip Into the Mirror World (Naomi Klein, 2024) - a dizzying work that ties together an astonishing number of ideas, beginning with Klein's own frustrations with being mistaken for disgraced feminist writer turned vaccine conspiracy hack Naomi Wolf to the chaotic and reactionary political landscape that so many of us find ourselves struggling to make sense of. it's a heavy and heady book, dense with well considered observations and expertly articulated thoughts despite Klein's own acknowledgement that her "research" often veered into unreasonable levels of obsession. despite Klein's long career this was my first time reading her work, and now I am Listening to anything and everything she has to say.

Delicious in Dungeon Vol. 12 (Ryoko Kui, trans. Taylor Engel, 2023) - I truly genuinely can't say anything about Volume 12 without saying that, by the time I'm posting this, I have also read Volumes 13 and 14 and finished the series and man. man man man. this story is just so GOOD. genuinely I love Dungeon Meshi so much.

Buzz: A Stimulating History of the Sex Toy (Hallie Lieberman, 2017) - a very fun and interesting history of the sale of sex toys in the US, including some very appreciated love for unsung heroes of the sex toy field like Jewish ventriloquist Ted Marche, Black disability activist Gosnell Duncan, and all of the women who pioneered sex stores that prioritized woman as their clientele. granted, that last group of second wave feminists comes with all the accompanying second wave bioessentialism you'd expect, and I'd be remiss not to note that the book also takes a frustratingly cissexist approach in the way it talks about man = penis and woman = vagina. I don't think Lieberman sought out to be deliberately transphobic (there is, briefly, a mention of a trans woman taking over one of the sex toy companies the book follows, and she is recognized as a woman even if her transition is shoehorned in rather awkwardly) but simply out of her depth with knowing how to address trans people in the very binary historical narrative she constructs. it's grating, but also unsurprising for a book published in 2017. if you can handle the cis weirdness and you, like me, are interested in how sexuality and pleasure are litigated, I'd really recommend checking this one out; I've already added it to the official sex witch library. it's worth the read for the surprising history of Adam & Eve alone.

[papiliomame]

Road to 3D- Sam Manson (Part 2):

Character Modeling

Part 1: Model Sheet

Welcome to the second and final part of this project. Since people have asked how I do my models, I decided to make a write-up on how I approach these things using the example of a model of Sam Manson. The first part focused on how I make a model sheet fo a 3d model the second part focus just on the modeling. There are many more things about how to create a fully realized 3d character that I could make whole other chapters for, like UV unwrapping, texturing, shading and rigging, but I don't have enough knowledge past the fundamentals on these topics that could warrant their own seperate posts.

Additional stuff before I continue:

I use Blender for all my model

This not a beginners guide or something similar, it would be helpful to already know the general workflow of a modeling, how to use Blender and know different terminology like edgeflow, retopology etc.

If you are a beginner and want to learn more about character modeling I recommend the videoseries "Modeling for Animation" by Dikko on Youtube

Maybe I make some reference some tricks from this videoseries

That's it, let's go!

My first step is always the block-out phase. The block-out phase is what the construction lines and the first sketch in a drawing are. I align the frontview and sideview from the model sheet I made in part 1 with the z-axis (the blue line in the images above) and roughly shape out the forms with primitive forms. For this I mostly use a cube with a subdivide modifier.

Having a modelsheet without the clothes obscuring the body makes it much easier the get the form right. The block-out phase is one of the most important steps, if it looks good than I have practically half the work done. This is also a good opportunity to practice anatomy.

After this stage I continue with the head. First of all, don't forget to add the mirror modifier so I just need to model half of the model. There are different methods to approach modeling the head, like sculpt the head first, retopologize and than bake all the deatails onto the retopologized head. I actually prefer to polymodel the head especially when I have a good model sheet. I practially trace the lineart from the model sheet by extruding vertices, once from the frontview and once from the sideview. The most important points are the form of the eyes, the mouth, the form of the face and the jawline. The head block-out is used as an anchor point for the shrinkwrap modifier so that the traced forms actually look like they belong to a 3d form and not 2d lines floating space. From this point on it's just connecting everything, pull and push vertices so it looks like a 3d head and make sure the edgeflow is good. (It's also helpful to know how the planes of the head look like) After that I add the eyelashes, eyebrow, eyes and the ears, now it looks like something!

Now comes the hair. For the hair I used the "curve trick" like mentioned in the video series I recommended. Here is a tip to save time: I choose some edges from the head, duplicate and seperate it from the mesh. I convert this seperated line into a curve and choose a beziercircle as a bevel geometry. This is now the perfect foundation to model the hair further. One thing I needed a long time to notice: To get the beziercircle to a perfect square or in this case a triangle lower the Resolution U to 1 in the shape options. Now I just convert the curves into a mesh and add details and the head is done!

With the head finished I continue with the body. Remember how I wrote with a good block-out half of the work ist finished? Well, for this step I practically just use the smooth brush in sculpt mode and smooth everything out so everything looks connected. Then I retopologize the body and that's it. Well, ok there is a little bit more to it: Before smoothing things out I join the block-out part to a single mesh and remesh it with the remash modifier expept for the hands. I prefer to polymodel the hands seperatly without worrying about the rest of the body because they are difficult to model. I reattach them later. Speaking of reattaching, I make sure that the connection points have the same number of vertices while I retopologize/polymodel. To ensure that, I often use the following trick visualized with a simple example ( which is also described in the video series):

I want to reduce the amount of edges at the bottom of this plane, for this I merge 3 vertices from the middle into 1 vertice seen in the left image. After that I can select the blue marked edges from the center image and dissolve them. The result, which you can see on the right, is a nice clean edgeflow with a reduction in the number of edges.

After modeling every part I attach them together and I have a finished bodymesh the work with.

Now onto the clothes, for this I use the model sheet with clothes as reference. Having a retopologized body makes it easier to model simple stuff like e.g. Sam's shirt. On the left image the marked faces of the the bodymesh already looks like a shirt. I just need to duplicate and seperate this area, clean it up a little and the shirt is basically finished. The more complex stuff like the boots I need to polymodel around the bodymesh.

With that the modeling part is done! Now comes the things I said above: uv unwrapping, texture painting, rigging and shading. These are whole other topics I cannot go deeper because I'm still learning how to do these things but I hope my little write-up about how I appoach character modeling was enough to learn one thing or two.

Thank you for your time and thank for reading!

[navstuffs]

Heart to-go

Pairing: RE2Barista!Leon x GN!Reader

Summary: You hate coffee. Of course with your luck, you end up falling in love with a cute blushing barista.

Warnings: COFFEE SHOP AU, SUPER FLUFF, blushing leon, tooth-rotting fanfic, reader DOES NOT like coffee (i could never), reader/leon are clueless and shy, sabrina and gabriel are names used in this fic, image taken from google

Author's Notes: hey, im back (sorta?kinda?). i had this fanfic saved for a while and since i haven't been able to produce new material, i decided to edit and post some of my old drafts. i plan on posting the other coffee shop au - nsfw version, but from now i hope you enjoy reading this one!

If someone told you before that you would visit a coffee shop and actually order the same cup of coffee every day, you would laugh at their faces. You don't like coffee, period. There is something about the smell or taste you just don't like it. Warm, cold, sweet, unsweet, with chocolate, you tried it all. It just isn't your thing, which made some people look at you as an E.T. sometimes, but hey, to each its own, right?

Your co-worker Sabrina is the one who invites you out to a popular coffee shop nearby your work. Before you even attempt to say no, Sabrina explains that yes, there were other drink options and some delicious pastries, like "some of the best brownies" she had eaten her entire life.

So you agree, with the promise you wouldn't regret it.

There is no line when you enter, around 5 pm. You pass this coffee shop often going to work, the smell strong in your nose if the door is open. You never entered, of course, but now inside, you must admit it looked cozy. A lot of natural light comes from the big windows in the front, illuminating the entire space. There are tables and chairs, at this time empty, compared to how full and hectic they could get in the morning.

As Sabrina orders her long order, your eyes wander the menu, written behind the counter on a giant blackboard. They had other options, as Sabrina explained before, such as handmade Italian sodas and some juices. When Sabrina is done, you turn your attention to the very attractive cashier. The kind you see on the cover of magazines, like a model or something. And cute. He has innocent blue eyes, a soft face, and blonde hair under the black cap. Your eyes glimpse at his name tag, "Leon," as he waits for your order.

"What do you want?"

And the words come out of your mouth before you can even think, something you would never have ordered in a million years.  

"A coffee?" 

You can feel Sabrina's neck twist, shocked. You ignore her, ignore how your voice went two higher tones than it should, focused on Leon, who continues smiling, patiently waiting for the rest.

"Sure, which one?"

"Coffee?" Your eyes roam around the many, many names and sizes as if you know what all those names mean, and you decide to risk it all. "How about your favorite order?"

Leon's eyes widen briefly before a faint red tone rises to his cheeks. He chuckles, surprised, before placing the order on the computer. 

"Right, okay then, my favorite order. Anything else?"

"Nothing, that will be it."

You pay your bill without looking up. Sabrina looks semi-concerned and amused when you are done ordering, a strange smile on her face.

"Are you okay?"

"I panicked," You whisper, hoping Leon can't hear the panic in your voice as you pull her to a table before she can start asking more questions.

You sit to wait for your order, and you notice Leon and another young blonde lady behind the counter. He seems to be blushing about something she says, and you wonder if that wasn't the most adorable thing you've ever seen.

"You are staring," Sabrina warns, her voice denoting humor. Why does it sound like Sabrina is having fun with your misery? You look out the window to the traffic slowing down since it is the end of the afternoon. When your order finally arrives, you turn excited, expecting to see Leon but being greeted by Ashley's happy face.

"Enjoy!" Ashley exclaims before leaving. You grab your small cup of warm coffee with a top layer of foam on it. It smells like cinnamon and vanilla. You really, really don't want to drink it.

"Careful now, Leon is watching," Sabrina teases, making you turn to look for Leon. He is indeed staring at you, his blue eyes filled with expectation. When he catches you looking, he turns his face away, a deep blush on his cheeks, too focused on cleaning something behind him.

"I can do this." You tell yourself, taking a sip from the cup. Yeap, still bad. Still bad as the first time you tried it. You drink another small sip because Leon could still be watching before placing the cup on the table. "I don't think I can do this." You confess in a whisper to Sabrina, who doesn't answer. She giggles, drinking her coffee as water. She saves you the dignity to not tease you anymore, at least.

Noticing she wouldn't be any help, you take small sips while listening to Sabrina's news. It was easier to drink while she talked so that you could ignore the sour taste in your mouth.

When your cup is finally empty, you sigh in relief. You have done it. You are NOT disappointing any cute blushy barista today. Leon appears at the side of the table, eyes filled with expectation.

"How was it?"

"It was so good. My friend over here loved it, right? Right?" Sabrina smiles happily in your direction. You want to strangle her, but you nod, smirking instead.

"Perfect, Leon. Thank you."

Leon's eyes lock on you, and you stare back, starstruck. No one should be allowed to be this charming. His smile lights up his entire face, making him look even more special. The type you could fall in love with if you aren't careful enough.

"I will get those for you, then," He cleans the table, then leaves, nodding in your direction. When he is out of a safe distance, Sabrina sings low.

"I think he likes you!"

"Shut up, Sabrina!"

-x-

After that, you start to visit the coffee. Daily. You get to meet the rest of the employees: Luis, a handsome man with a captivating smile who constantly flirts with you. You already know Ashley, a young college student who is always excited to see you. And well, there is Leon. It is odd how you click so fast with Luis and Ashley; you could joke with them as much as you wanted, but things worked a little differently when it came to Leon. He made you nervous.

He always welcomes you with a warm smile and treats you with respect. You tried to tease Leon once, but it died in your throat when you watched his expression. He just looked so innocent, you just didn't want him to dislike something you did or said. What if he misinterpreted?

You also continue ordering the same coffee. Your newfound trick to not throw it away? Take it to work and give it to Sabrina. You know you are wasting money, but Leon's smile is worth every cent, especially when you place the money on the counter for "Leon's order". Like one morning, two weeks after your first visit, you enter the shop, and it is Luis at the register.

"Hello, pretty thing. Same order?" Luis asks, winking. 

"You know me, Luis, I am loyal." 

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Luis sighs, pretending to be disappointed. Ashley waves in your direction when she sees you, asking. "Let me guess, another Leon's order to go?"

"You know, it is my dream. One of those days, you will enter those doors and ask 'Can I get Luis's order or maybe Ashley's?" Luis teases, "No, it must always be Leon's order. I have started to wonder why."

"I like his coffee," You whisper in your defense. Luis smiles, knowing exactly what you like. He points to Leon's back, too focused on a coffee maker. "Your boyfriend is waiting."

You show off your tongue, rolling your eyes and going toward Leon. He guides a cup of steaming milk into a to-go cup, almost as if he is drawing. You don't say anything, watching his concentrated face as he finishes. Every inch of his attention to whatever he is drawing. When Leon is done, he turns toward you, opening a smile.

"H-hey. Here it is."

He puts the to-go cup in front of you, uncovered. You find it weird but don't discuss it.

"Morning. Thank you. My favorite, as always." You grab a lid nearby, closing it. Leon seems disappointed but doesn't say anything. You quickly take a sip, holding back a scowl. "Perfect as always, Leon. Thank you. I don't even know where I would be without Leon's every morning... Leon's order, I mean!"

The frown is gone, and Leon smiles timidly, blushing. Of course, you must embarrass yourself in front of him, but honestly, you don't mind. Your mornings always got much better after seeing his smile. You leave the coffee, waving bye to Ashley and Luis. When you are gone, Ashley and Luis surround Leon, too curious.

"Did they see it this time?" Luis wonders.

"No."

"Such a nice person, but so clueless," Ashley sighs, holding her chin. "Maybe you should just try writing your phone number on the cup, it would be more direct."

"Or maybe they don't like me that much..." Leon declares, making his co-workers groan.

"Not this again, Leon."

-x-

Three weeks pass like that. You go in, say hi to Ashley and Luis, get your coffee with Leon, smile at each other, and leave for work. There is some teasing here and there from Ashley and Luis, you tease back, and that is it. You wonder if you should get a different order, but Sabrina seems happy enough with the coffee, you are happy enough to see Leon, so it works.

The next morning, you enter the café to find Ashley organizing a casket of brownies. After greeting each other, you grab one from the basket. So those were the limited edition brownies Sabrina always talked about.

"Hey, Ashley, are those the famous delicious brownies?"

"Yeah. Made by an extraordinary chef, but I can't reveal his identity. It is top secret."

"Can I get one? And also a Le-"

"Leon's order? Yes, yes, I know," She groans, sounding tired. Leon appears from the back office, opening his usual smile when he sees you. You like to think it is your special smile, but it is probably how he smiles at every single client.

"Hey."

"Morning, Leon."

He starts preparing your drink the way he always does. You wonder if Leon is bored or if he can even make it with his eyes closed. Maybe you should ask him if his favorite order has even changed next time? As you watch Leon work, you give a big bite to the brownie. It is delicious. The perfect balance between chocolate and sweetness. 

"Ashley, those are so freaking good!" You exclaim, bringing her attention back to you.

"Oh really? Our chef will love to hear that!" Ashley says with a suggestive tone, giving a quick side look to Leon. You finish the brownie in a few bites as Leon puts your cup on the counter, his cheeks painted red. Again your cup is uncovered. You grab the lid and close it. It has become a ritual by now. 

"Thanks again, Leon."

When you look up at him, Leon has a different expression in his eyes. He blushes, no more than he usually does, his hand raised. Before you can ask what is wrong, he places his hand over yours on the cup lid. His hand is warm, probably normal for someone working with hot drinks all the time. You don't say anything, waiting. Leon seems to be waiting as well, for you to say anything. Neither of you does, and the moment is broken when the door opens, a huge group of women coming in.

"Sorry, I don't know—" 

"Bye!" You rush out of those doors, not looking back.

Well, that was certainly odd, you think. Leon has never touched you before. It seems that he wanted to tell you something, but at the same time, he was waiting for you to say something? When you get to work ten minutes later, the cup still warm in your hands, you search for Sabrina, not finding her. Gabriel, your other co-worker, explains she is sick.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Nasty flu."

"Oh, okay. I will message her later then."

You look at the cup in your hands to her empty table before asking Gabriel.

"Hey, do you want some coffee?"

"Free? Don't mind if I do! What has on it?"

"I guess coffee, milk, cinnamon? I don't really know."

"You don't know?" Gabriel asks, grabbing the cup from you. "You don't know what is in your cup? Here, let me smell it, I have an excellent sense of smell." He opens the lid to smell it and exclaims, "Awn, this is cute."

"What?"

"The heart."

"What heart?"

Gabriel carefully gets the cup to show you a heart drawing on top. You want to hit yourself in the head; is that what Leon has been doing? That's why he held your hand this morning to show the heart? No, it couldn't be. When Gabriel starts taking the cup to his mouth, you pull the cup back, placing the lid.

"Sorry, Gabriel, gotta go! I will return with another one!"

You rush back to the store, holding the cup firmly. Maybe, just maybe, Leon has been drawing those for you only, and you always close the lid? Maybe this is what he was trying to tell you this morning. What if Leon draws a heart for everyone? Shouldn't you be paying for that? What if—? No, no time to think of that. Perhaps this is your chance. You enter the shop, gasping for air. Ashley is nowhere around, and Leon is dusting around the table. When he sees you, his brows furrow, but he doesn't hesitate to get close to you.

"Are you okay? Something wrong?" Leon sounds concerned, his eyes scanning you.

You try to speak, still catching your breath. You pull the lid, triumphant.

"What does this mean?" 

When you two look at the cup, the drawing is gone. There is just a mess of brown liquid, smelling like vanilla and cinnamon. You can't believe it. You turn to Leon, pointing at the cup and him, your mouth opening and closing.

"Have you been drawing hearts in my cup this whole time?"

"I have." He admits, blushing. 

"Thanks?" Jeez, you couldn't come with something better. Leon nods as if understanding before starting to turn away. "No, wait, please, I mean, I like them. A lot."

His face lights up, and you wonder how someone can look so adorable. It is so unfair for you poor heart.

"Tha-that's good, then. I was wondering when you would see them."

"Well, 'cause the lady who drinks my coffee doesn't open the cups!" You try to explain to him, biting your tongue. Leon waits, confused. "Yeah, I don't like coffee," You finally confess your secret somberly, like a sinner talking to a priest.

"So wait. You don't like coffee and keep ordering it? Why?"

Well, now it is your turn to feel your face burning. Realization passes through Leon's face, and he starts stuttering something before three older ladies walk in, going directly to the cashier. He grabs your cup, his heart thumping as he rushes to write something. When Leon gives you back, you see his number written in black ink.

"Ca-can we discuss this better later tonight? If you want to, of course," Leon asks. You nod. "Then you can tell me all about your hate for coffee."

"I would love to."

[kozachenko]

(Click the image for better quality)

Yipeeee that Keiki and Mayumi fanart I posted the WIP of is finally done woooo- This piece was a very experimental one that I'm kind of OK on. Maybe because I've just gone insane looking at it for so long and I'm my own worst critic lol.

Artist's Notes;

So I've once again been playing around with my rendering style, mainly because I have been wanting to improve my lighting for a while now and as I was just scrolling through Tumblr, I saw some of the official art for that one webcomic-turned-animated-TV-Show Lackadaisy and was immediately inspired. I also have seen a technique a few times in the past where the lineart and shading are merged together, so I've been meaning to try that for a little while.

I did some experimentation on this one sketch of Keiki I posted in my sketch dump and I really liked the results of it, so I carried those over to this piece.

I ended up scaling up Keiki and Mayumi from the original WIP because I felt like they were both getting lost in the composition, and I'm glad for that because I think it works a lot better. I'm not a fan of how Mayumi's sword turned out at all, but it's not really meant to be the focus of the piece so eh. Overall, I think I could do better with my colours, probably because with Keiki and Mayumi's colours, I did them flat in greyscale and then used a brush on the overlay blend mode to colour all of them over, after which I changed the base layer for their colours from white to yellow and then lowered the opacity so it all went together better. I also decided to use gradient maps for a lot of the background elements, mainly to experiment with getting in my values first to make them pop out more. I ended up finding a really nice sky gradient on Clip Studio Paint that I really liked, and that kinda helped to establish the colour scheme of the background a lot. I think the whole "start in greyscale then colour" thing really works better with painterly styles rather than more illustrative ones, and while it is good at making sure your values are more readable, I honestly don't think I have the skill level to pull that off yet. Honestly, I think I've been looking at this drawing too long or maybe I added too much to it, but I wish I could've made the colours less monochromatic, but I'll just save that for the next piece I do.

I do love how the flame (...well it's more of a weird space rift than anything in this piece) and the lighting turned out, those were fun to do. I was initially struggling with the flame and how Mayumi is positioned in front of it before realizing "Oh wait! This is a weird abstraction of a weird creature! I don't have to follow the laws of anatomy!" and just dislocated it's flamey bottom jaw from the main body. I also changed the colours of it since I was really not liking how incredibly bright it was when it had lighter colours. Again, the gradient maps served the more painterly style of the flames well.

I also love how Mayumi turned out. I could do her sleeves better but that's more of just me needing to study how those types of sleeves fold in that position more. I'm also very happy with the posing, the technique I used for that was taking photos of myself in the positions I wanted, blocking in the silhouette and then modifying that by adjusting it to my lines of action that I drew on top of the original photos, and then sketching over the silhouettes and drawing in the shapes of the hands overtop of the photo if I needed to get the fine details right. As for what I do to take the pictures myself, I use a tall chair I have, prop up my phone with a phone stand, put on a ten second timer and scramble to get in position. Yes, I did have to use a bunch of thin markers I had to try and get the hand positioning on Keiki's pose right, yes I do have a fake sword that I used to get the positioning of Mayumi's arms and hand right, the sword was for an old Halloween costume from several years ago. I really like how both Keiki and Mayumi turned out in this drawing, I'll have to play around with these designs for them more in future drawings.

Also, if you wanna know why I draw buildings like that, when I watched Fantasia 2000 as a kid (One of the Disney movies where they make really beautiful animations to classical music) the way they drew the buildings in the first few sections Rhapsody in Blue segment (the jazz one with the cities) changed my brain chemistry and now whenever I need to draw buildings really quickly, I refer back to that. Since the buildings aren't really the main subject, I didn't put much thought into them.

As you can tell I am very tired of this piece, mainly because I made things harder for myself by overcomplicating the process compared to what I usually do, mainly with the whole "starting in grayscale then adding colour." I'd honestly just prefer having a black layer set to colour that I can just toggle on and off when I need to see the values, but it was good to experiment. And that was mainly the point of this whole drawing, to experiment. I'm definitely going to have to play around with this new style I'm going for, mainly because I liked how it turned out a lot in the augmented Keiki sketch, and also because I want to find ways of making it suit my style more. I also really want to keep experimenting with my lighting like this, it's very fun. Last but not least I am never starting in greyscale again because dear god I do not like the workflow it forced me into. I don't have a problem with the method itself it's mainly just a skill issue lol.

If you wanna read my headcanons for these two, I put them in my WIP post, so you can read them there if you want to. The more I look at this the more I prefer the simplicity of my WIP. I might go back to this and just take away the fancy colours and effects to see what it looks like without all of that stuff and reblog this post with that drawing, but for now, I don't think I can look at this drawing again for a while.

[copperbadge]

Amateur Translation Programs

So I had a lot of imaginative and informative responses to my post about looking for an amateur translation program -- something where I could load in a foreign language and it would insert a box where I could add a translation every-other-line. The idea was that this way I could practice translation with more advanced texts, and texts I chose, and thus move away from Duolingo, which at this point is good for drilling and daily practice but not for more advanced learning.

I didn't find precisely what was needed but I did get some inspiration for further explanation, and I also learned that adding the term "glossing" (thank you @thewalrus-said) into my searches helped a great deal in terms of weeding out programs that were either "Let this AI translate for you" or just endless promotional links for Babbel and Duolingo and such. I thought I'd collect up the suggestions and post them here; at the end I'm including my best swing at designing what I wanted, and why it doesn't work yet.

Suggestion one, from many people, was various ways to generate a page that is simply fixed Italian text with space underneath each line to add in a translation. This is pretty simple as a process and there are sites that will do it for you, such as this one that @ame-kage suggested. However, most of these don't allow for movement in the Italian text, and many produce a PDF which you would need to print out in order to write on unless you're willing to open it in Acrobat (and deal with Acrobat). A good solution for some but not what I'm looking for purely because I'm trying to make this super frictionless so that (knowing myself as I do) I will actually do it.

I did find this version interesting, suggested by @drivemetogeek: Have one word doc saved as your "template" doc and set the line spacing as 2.0 or higher. Select your text from source and paste it into the template doc as text-only. Ctrl a, ctrl c to select all and copy, then open a new document and "paste special" as picture. Right click and set the "wrap text" as behind text. Now you have a document where you can, basically, type over the existing text because it's the background of the page. This seems like the most frictionless version, because you could set up a bunch of them ahead of time. If you wanted to move between desktop and mobile, however, you'd need to ensure that the pasted image was fairly narrow so that you don't have to sideways-scroll.

Relatedly, people suggested generating a document that is simply the Italian text with empty space beneath it for typing in of the translation. This can be done either semi-automated, using a macro or a language like Python, or find-and-replace on, say, the stops at the ends of sentences. It basically outputs the same as above but with a more digitally accessible format, without any more effort than above. If you were to do this in Google Sheets you could also fix the column width so that it didn't do anything weird when you opened it on your phone. But it is still very friction-y, and does not allow for easy shifting of the Italian as needed. There's high probability of the translation breaking weirdly across the page. Still a top option in terms of simplicity and access.

@smokeandholograms suggested another variation illustrated here where essentially you're converting the text to a series of tables, with each paragraph a row, and an empty cell next to it for the translation. I might play around more with this one eventually, since I think I could possibly make it a three-column and put the Italian in one, the translation in the next, and the auto-translate to let me know where I might be slipping in the third. (Not that I trust auto-translate but comparing a hand translation to an auto translation can be useful in terms of working out when I've messed up the way a tense or mood is read. I tend to read indirect verbs as automatically imperative because I'm a weirdo.)

@wynjara linked to an add-in for Word specifically designed for translators, known as TransTools; this appears to employ a macro to do the same thing, though it does have a format where you can place the translation next to each sentence directly rather than in a separate cell. The full suite of tools is only $45 which is reasonable for my budget, but for what I need I think I could also just create the macro.

Using LaTeX as a tool specially designed for glossing was an option on offer, but I don't know enough about LaTeX to figure out the pros of this one, which is in itself the major con -- there's a learning curve that I think varies widely by person but for me is unfortunately a wall. It came out of a discussion on Reddit about trying to find something like what I want; also in that discussion is a link to a code generator that allows you to…do something…to the initial language, but it's not entirely clear to me (I'm sure it's clear to people who understand coding) what you would then do with it that would allow it to be output in the way I'm hoping for. Like, I could turn a paragraph of text into HTML, I understand that far, but any Italian I find is already on a website.

Moving more into apps that might work, Redditors on the LaTeX discussion suggested SIL Fieldworks, which is a professional language tech tool. Fieldworks isn't a program I'd previously encountered but much as with the ones I had, it looks like the learning curve is fairly steep and it is definitely overkill generally for what I need, though it might also harbor within it the thing I want. It is free, so I may download and play around with it.

@brightwanderer suggested using note-taking or "whiteboard" apps such as Freeform or Nebo; these are generally a kind of "infinite canvas" in which you can drop objects, text boxes, or handwriting. I don't know that Freeform would be measurably different to just using Word and a macro, since I'd still have to input/format all the text and then be stuck with the same "fixed text" setup -- and it's also iOS only -- but for some folks it might be more helpful. Nebo is a similar infinite-canvas with unfortunately the same issues, though on the plus it's available for Android, which is where most of my mobile property resides.

@bloodbright suggested that I was looking for a CAT tool, a professional translation tool mainly used by translators working in the field. This was a concept I'd encountered, but I hadn't found a good starting place. They suggested Smartcat and OmegaT. Smartcat bills itself as an AI translation platform and is HARD pushing the "don't translate it yourself, hire a translator or let AI do it" angle, so it's difficult to tell what it offers in terms of actual tools for translators, and it's also cagey about pricing, so I can't really evaluate it. OmegaT is free and gives off big "some weirdo homebrewed this in their basement" vibe (which I am here for) but I also recognized it from screengrabs that were the reason I veered away from professional-grade software: it looked too complex. Realistically, the major downside of OmegaT is that I don't think I can put it on my phone. One thing I did find interesting is that once you translate a portion of the text, the original language goes away, though I assume you can turn that off if needed. I do kind of like that because it means my distractable brain is looking at Less Stuff.

So where did I end up?

Well, it looked like I was going to have to try a homebrew myself. I had the idea of trying some of the initial suggestions but in reverse -- designing a document where every other line was a single-cell table fixed to the page. You could paste in the Italian, which would wrap around the cells, and then enter the English in the cells.

You can fix a table in place in Google Docs -- you click on the table, then under Table > Style select Wrap Text, Both Sides, and Fix On Page. Getting the whole page set up is a little labor intensive but once you did that, you could just save it as a template and make a duplicate of it each time. And this actually works….on desktop.

Unfortunately, if you open it in the mobile Docs app, the app can't handle the fixed tables and automatically moves them all to after the text that's been pasted in. I tried redesigning it so that it's a table within a table -- one for the Italian, then within that a series of them for the English -- but when you nest a table in Google Docs, it doesn't let you fix the second table in place. And you are also still dealing with the wrap issue, although you can resize the page and add a large right-hand margin as a kludge of a fix for that.

You can build this same kind of document in Word, so I tried building one in Word and then uploading it to Drive, but when you open the Word file in Docs (or in Microsoft Word for Android), it still strips the fixed positioning -- there's just some functionality missing from both apps that doesn't allow them to handle fixed-position tables.

So, the design is sound, just not the final execution. If I could program an app, I could probably remedy the issues with it -- it's simply a series of text boxes nested inside one another with different formatting. I would imagine that's relatively basic to set up, although given that neither Docs nor Word can handle fixed tables in mobile, perhaps I've stumbled on a much bigger problem that everyone is ignoring because nobody actually needs or wants fixed tables in mobile. :D

Experimentation is ongoing, anyway. I might simply have to resign myself to the fact that my translation study is going to have to be in front of a computer, which might be for the best anyway when I inevitably want to compare my translation to an auto-translate to see where I might have read something wrong.

[shkatzchen]

Welcome to White's Gentlemen's Club (Pt.1)

White's Gentlemen's Club was founded in 1693 and is one of the oldest gentlemen's clubs in London. It has existed in its present location since the late 1700s. When men in Regency and Victorian novels speak about going to their clubs, this is one of them. Even today it remains a private, men's only club boasting King Charles III as a member (his bachelor party for his marriage to Diana was held there).

Because it's such a private space it was a nightmare to try to recreate as the information available was extremely limited. Pictures of the interior were rare and one of the main books I was able to find on the subject is rare and I couldn't get my hands on it. So while I made it as accurate as I could, within sims-constraints, there was also a lot of imagination poured into it. Because the save I was designing it for is modern, I didn't limit myself to only historical or off-the-grid pieces. That particular challenge can wait for the next time I try a Regency save.

The result is a Bar Lot, with plenty of space for games, parties, and socializing, as well as quiet corners to sit with a good book. And thankfully with LittleMsSam's Gender & More Lot Traits, I was able to make it accessible to only men, preserving that bit of accuracy.

The Facade and Layout

As seen at the top of the post, I did what I could to replicate the modern facade. Parts of this were easier than others. Although I had many of the needed objects from when I made the Hotel de Charost, the medallions on the front were difficult to find (in part because I didn't know any of the words to search them by). I couldn't find extant ones, so I made my own based on images I found online. Thank god for normal maps as they do a lot of the heavy lifting here.

The first sims-driven inaccuracy is the necessity to have floors of equal heights. As you can see from this cross section, that's not in fact the case. My build sacrifices the vaulted ceiling of the Coffee Room to allow the second floor to be of uniform height.

I was lucky to find this 1800s plan of the layout of the first two floors. I relied heavily on this for placing interior walls. My layout is seen below.

The Hall

I had nothing to rely on for this room. At all. As the entry hall I decided a closet was in order, if unlikely in reality (I really should have found better doors for it). I also found a reception desk that, when recolored and paired with a counter, provided a little administrative hub. I finally got around to tracking a filing cabinet down, which I ended up retexturing to maxis match.

The Morning Room

This was one of the few rooms I had a photo to work from, even if it was from a single angle, in black and white, and rather out of date. As such, I did my best to match it as well as possible. I tracked down magazines and newspapers and made a new spandrel to cleanly mimic the ones shown. I made new lamps and ceiling lights as well as new curtains, including extremely large ones to fit across the bow window. The bow window at White's is quite famous-- Beau Brummell used to sit there, critiquing the passersby, and the seat was also that of the Duke of Wellington for many years. I have a medallion over one fireplace here of him, which stands in for a bas relief of one of the deceased Kings'. The award below it stands for the silver belt won by Heenan after his fight with Sayers-- a "unsophisticated" visitor once asked "did the King win it," causing quite a bit of amusement. I also made a ceiling clock-- then, with the spandrels, had to lower it to fit below them.

The Foyer and Main Staircase

Staircases are always tricky. There was never any chance of achieving the elegant sweep of the real staircase, or the elegant little niches. there's an odd little window in the wall in the photo-- I suspect there was once a fireplace there. I did manage to replicate the numerous photos (even if some are there more for shape than content).

The Billiard Room

Why oh why are there not billiard tables in the Sims 4? These cc ones do work, and I'm grateful people have put in the time to make accoutrements for snooker, but it would be nice to have official ones. I have so many builds that would use them. This is another space that I had to make out of whole cloth, as I had only a few sparce bits of information. I put the main bar here, along with a small stage. The TV that the bar lot requires is hidden here.

Miscellaneous Ground Floor Spaces

There are some odd spaces which don't have labels. I turned one into a bathroom, as the drawings seemed to imply as much. Another became an old-fashioned place to make a phone call. One is, I believe, the old back entrance before it was enclosed to form the billiard room, hence the odd shape. I added a mirror to make it look bigger and these paintings (the left is the Duke of Wellington as the High Constable of England, a Tudor-style get up he had to wear for George IV's coronation, the right is a late 19th century imagining of Wellington's lone meeting with Nelson).

Tumblr's image limit constrains me from posting everything here all at once, so go here for Part 2 and the First Floor!

[silent-sanctum]

I hope you're doing fine mijin🤩💗....

Can I request a fic where the stone ocean group survives and jotaro meets his wife(the reader) or ex wife that's upto you

Aha! A 2-for-1 special! Also, hiya @jotarosimpforever and to you too anon 👋 I'm doing fine thank you! Sorry it took this long to answer your requests, I'm currently on vacation so I was busy doing stuff 🫡 But here it is! A post-Stone Ocean fic featuring domestic times with our favorite DILF 6taro 😘 Hope you enjoy ♡

Way Home - Part 6! Jotaro x Reader

word count: 3.3k

“Breaking news: The recent events people termed as the “Shifting Skies Phenomenon” comes to an abrupt halt, resulting in mass casualty midst the confusion of countless civilians worldwide”

The scene was in complete chaos just the way it was for the past few hours. Where it was due to destruction as the heavens changed hues, from burning autumn to midnight void and back in a blink of the eye, now everything and everyone were in complete loss of control, emergency respondents dispatched to numerous vehicular accidents and spontaneous locations with crowds sporting spontaneous injuries.

Where others wouldn’t know what else to brand this phenomenon but “otherworldly”, you knew it as a catastrophic Stand attack.

And you’d come to know these information because of none other than your own husband- A solitary individual who opted to keep his responsibilities a secret from the people he loved, to sacrifice his happiness and suffer a life of “kill-or-be-killed” if it meant giving his family the normal life he could never have.

If it weren’t for circumstances that got yourself involved in one of these Stand encounters, you wouldn’t find yourself falling into the rabbit hole that was learning the nature of Stands, and eventually taking up a managerial role in an exclusive private organization as one of their agents. If it weren’t for that eventful day, you wouldn’t be able to meet Jotaro.

That stoic, abrasive, yet loving man…

Images of him smiling at you with fondness glazing his sharp blue eyes flashed in your mind as you imagined the same man charging head first into the battlefield to save and protect his and your only daughter from this grand scale threat.

And with the sky and the Earth’s gravity returning back to its usual state, you should be relieved knowing the enemy was defeated.

But without being there to witness how it ended, you gave into overthinking, imagining the repercussions that were dealt to achieve the cost of such victory.

As if snapping back to reality, you found yourself running through a plethora of bustling Speedwagon Foundation employees, almost crazed and frantic. The organization was just as rushed and busy as the rest of the world was with one half of the Foundation attempting to get shit under control by getting in-contact with non-government networks for aid and support, and the other half accommodating injured civilians to help reduce the local hospitals from overcrowding.

And just as what’s written in paper, you’ve received information that a chopper had just arrived with 2 members of the Joestar family onboard, injured from a fatal fight. You wasted not even a split second to bolt from the safety of your room and here in the private foundation’s building.

You rounded a corner, pushing past a couple more of people until you were met with a signage that read “Medical Wing”. You’ve studied the place’s layout enough times since Jotaro first brought you here during your orientation. While the place crowded with panicked and wounded civilians, you knew that the Foundation had exclusive areas and services reserved for the convenience of the Joestar bloodline.

Frustrated, you were desperate enough to seek the first nurse you could see and ask where her family was, but you’d find out that wouldn’t happen. Your hurried steps led you to the emergency room and instead of a random nurse, your attention landed on a teenage girl with messy space buns and torn clothing sitting on one of the benches lining the hallway leading to the operating room.

With one arm in a cast and her waist bandaged, the young girl had her free hand curled into a fist, head bowed as she struggled to hold back her sobs.

At the sight of her, your eyes welled up with tears. “Jolyne…”

In an instant, she jerked her head upright at the sound of her name. It took her a couple of seconds before she saw you standing a few feet away from her. Like mother and daughter, Jolyne’s face crumpled into one of sadness, the tears that she held back now rolling down her cheeks. “Eomma-”

You crossed whatever distance was between you and your child and brought her into a tight hug. “I’m sorry,” she started. “I’m really sorry mom.”

With ease, you withdrew enough for you to do another quick scan over her body. “Are you hurt bad?” You grasped her shoulders with a hand, the other reaching up to cup her wet cheeks. “Does it hurt anywhere?”

Your questions only sent Jolyne into another sob, breaking into tears the second you showed your extreme concerns. “I-I’m fine, but appa-”

You paused. “What… What happened to him?”

“He protected me, my friends, b-but…” She furiously swiped at her eyes despite her sobs. “He’s injured the most. He was bleeding everywhere and now-”

You kept yourself as calm as possible, even if you were on the brink of collapsing yourself. “Where is he?” Jolyne pointed to the double doors leading to the operating room.

Your heart caved in at the thought of your husband laying unconscious being worked on by surgeons and nurses to preserve his life. With a heavy and shaky sigh, you nodded as you willed yourself to not cry in front of your daughter.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t do better,” Jolyne cried. “I’m sorry for letting that stupid accident with that asshole happen that led to dad going through all this bullshit for me-”

You quieted her as you pulled her into another hug, softly caressing her head. “It’s not your fault, pearl,” you said with a whisper. She continued to sob as she buried her face on your shoulder. “Your father knows that too.”

Gently, you led your daughter to one of the benches and sat her down with you beside her. Considering you’d thought the worst before arriving at the Foundation, you looked at the closed double doors with a newfound sense of reassurance. Another sigh.

“Let’s just wait and hope for the best.”

---

The consistent beeping of his vitals echoed throughout the dimmed room and you were left alone with Jotaro, still unconscious with half of his face heavily bandaged together with his throat, an oxygen mask fit on his nose and mouth.

Jolyne visited minutes earlier and told you that she’d be checking with how her other friends were doing.

An hour ago, you and Jolyne stood up immediately as soon as the surgeon stepped through the swinging doors. To everyone’s relief, they managed to stabilize him from his critical state.

According to him, your husband had a pre-existing heart condition that caused his pulse rate to beat at irregular, rapid intervals. Combined with the knowledge of him having to exert excessive strength despite waking up from a comatose state and the heavy amount of stress piling up the past few months, his body had chosen to shut down the second his adrenaline depleted.

Thinking about that again made you scoff through your tears. “You were always an impulsive idiot…” Saying those words caused your eyes to swell again and sniffle.

But what’s done was done. The doctors did what they could and all you can do was to sit beside him, holding his hand with both of yours, praying that he’d recover faster, enough for him to wake up and calm your worrying heart.

Without realizing, you ended up falling asleep still sat on your chair by his bed. You didn’t know how long time has passed in your slumber and you couldn’t be bothered to find out. All that mattered right now was staying by your husband’s side, letting him know, in spirit perhaps, that he wasn’t alone and that you were with him now.

In a way you couldn’t perceive, you somehow felt like he was comforting you as well. A comforting chill would brush against your cheeks, hair, shoulders, or hands and you welcomed the sensation like an old friend.

Eventually, time would pass from mere hours to days and throughout it all, you continued to stay where you were- always making sure to watch over him with persisting hope.

Today marked the 15th day since his admission in the Foundation’s infirmary ward. His fresh bandages still wrapped around the half of his face and throat. His assistive oxygenation was removed the week prior once his vitals stabilized within normal range.

By now, you stayed so much in the medical room that your responsibilities started to catch up as evident with the numerous phone calls and text messages alerting you from your pocket. You figured you’d answer a few and explain the circumstances surrounding you and your family.

That time, you stood by the window hoping to receive better signal. You were in the middle of arguing with a non-compliant employee that worked under your supervision, and through their whining in the speaker, you picked up the sheets shifting behind you.

On that cue, you turned around with supposed foolish hope but in clear daylight, there he was- stirring into consciousness, brows furrowing and scrunching as his eye slowly opened.

You never hung up on someone this fast before but you dropped whatever conversation you had and rushed over to Jotaro’s side, immediately reaching to grasp his hand. It took him a bit to adjust to the natural light, but he lolled his head to you and locked eye contact with you.

You exhaled a shaky breath. “Jotaro-ssi?” With a weak baritone voice, he croaked back your name with instant familiarity. Your eyes welled with new tears. Right then and there, he grunted as he struggled to prop himself upright. “W-What are you doing? You just woke up. You’re supposed to rest!”

At this point, you didn’t realize you started crying when you light-heartedly scolded him. You gripped his hand tight with frustration and relief, teardrops spilling onto your skin. He’s awake. Thank god he’s awake. “Do you know how much of an idiot you are?! I told you you shouldn’t jump into dangerous situations so recklessly! And now look at you! You should be taking your time and recover lying down and here you are forcing yourself to sit! You really are an idiot-”

“I missed you.”

Your heart skipped a beat and whatever ramble you had left trailed off into the thin air. Jotaro sat there patiently, watching you wistfully with hooded eyes. In your hand, he turned his palm upwards and interlocked his fingers with yours. He had that usual air of stoicism in his expression, but there was no mistaking the wet sheen glossing over his aquamarine eyes.

That was all it took for you to break into a sob as you gently wrapped your arms around him in a soft embrace. You felt him tuck his face against the crook of your neck, his tears pooling on your skin in silence. “Next time, tell me at least. Alright?”

“Mm…”

“Don’t scare me like that again, you hear?”

“I’m sorry…”

“You ass.”

---

It’s been 6 months since then and after the chaos had settled across the nation, the Kujos returned to their seaside villa, settling in for the time being to adjust to the new life after the time phenomenon.

Slowly but surely, every member of the family began to live their lives the way they wanted to- Jolyne would often leave the house to hang out with her best friend Ermes and potential boyfriend Anasui, one day bringing home a kid in baseball uniform named Emporio waiting to be adopted into the family, you returned to work to help the other agents in the Foundation, and Jotaro begun to resume teaching in university, choosing to take a break from field research to give him time to rest.

And considering the stress of the whole Stand ordeal they had dealt with since they were 17, you could get used to a mundane life like this.

The early morning sun beamed a warm orange, filtered through the curtains before it could touch both you and your husband. You opened your eyes to find yourself side-lying on his arm to face a still-sleeping Jotaro, tucked bare-chested underneath the sheets with his face mushed against the pillows

You huffed and snuggled closer, nuzzling to bury your nose on the crook of his neck. With a feather-light touch, you raised an index finger to gingerly trace the faded scar across his throat, the shallow dents across his collarbone, the scar on his left shoulder, and the one on his abdomen. One-by-one, you took the time to feel the skin of each in contrast to the rest. “You’ve been through so much…”

He stirred possibly from your tiny motions and soon enough, the arm you lied on curled in to pull you into his hold.

You couldn’t help but giggle as you looked up to see your husband glance at you with sleep-ridden eyes. You propped yourself on his chest and with your chin planted on your overlapped hands flat on his pecs, you whispered out a simple, intentionally-cute “Good morning~”

Jotaro smiled back. “Morning.”

“Break day?”

He nodded.

Life never felt so ordinary after what had happened but you could get used to this. Where every moment in this new era, they could live out the rest of their lives as a normal couple with a normal family.

And what’s a better way to start their new lives but with the domesticity of a newlywed pair.

Both you and Jotaro started the day accomplishing your morning routines- you in the bathroom washing up, he on the balcony to simply soak in the early morning sun. You made your way to the dining area where he stood by waiting for you with two steaming mugs of coffee in his hands. You took one, returned the favor with a chaste peck on his cheek, and went over to cook breakfast for the family.

On cue with the smell of bacon and eggs permeating throughout the house, two pairs of footsteps bounded down the stairs and barged into the area.

“Well good morning to you too Jolyne,” you glanced at her companion with a smile. “Emporio.”

“Going out again?” Jotaro said, glancing at the duo. “This early?”

“Ermes is gonna go shopping for the new line of clothes that got released yesterday. She invited me and Emporio over saying it’s going to be ‘her treat’, but I know she’s lying,” Jolyne said, picking up a toast from her plate and another to offer her adopted brother.

“Is that pink-haired guy going?”

“His name’s Anasui dad and no, he’s not going,” she puffed her chest. “It’s girl’s day out today.” You and Jotaro looked at the blond boy beside her. “He’s not tagging along. I’m just dropping off Emporio at the nearby bookstore on the way out.”

“And I can find my way back no problem,” Emporio said as the teenager slowly pulled him with her to the door. “I won’t take too long.”

Jotaro still had his doubts from where he was on his seat, but knowing your little girl was able to survive a life of imprisonment and was able to get around the harsh facility, you smiled at her. “Alright. Be back by 9!”

“I will!”

Once the duo were out of sight, you and Jotaro were left alone to themselves. “Nothing like seeing your kids all grown up, huh?” You said as you took a bite of your eggs. He hummed a sound of acknowledgment. “But that just means we have the day to ourselves.”

At that, your husband couldn’t help but smile.

And just as you said, the rest of today consisted of simply staying indoors and “hanging-out” with each other in a life of old-couple domesticity. You cooked the meals and he washed the dishes. You did the laundry and he helped in folding them. You dusted the shelves and he vacuumed the floors. You picked today’s playlist to listen while doing chores and he chose what movie to watch.

Then there were instances in-between chores where either of you can’t help but hover close to one another, seeking each other’s touch and affections. May it be when you’re cooking and Jotaro passes by stealing a piece of sliced vegetable, you sneaking behind to pat his ass when he’s drying the plates, him momentarily resting his chin on your head as you wait for the washing machine to finish, him offering you a glass of water in the middle of dusting, or ending up in a never-ending banter over genres of media.

By the time they finished everything, including the short time freshening up, the afternoon began its transition to night as the skies changed its hue from blue to orange.

You shared one look with your husband and with one wistful stare, he rose a hand to you and you held it. With no worries plaguing your mind, you and Jotaro slowly walked down the stairs to the coast, hand-in-hand. A gentle breeze blew a strand of hair across your face and before you could, he tucked it behind your ear.

Both of you walked across the sand until you stopped a few meters away from the gentle waves.

Jotaro took the initiative to break apart from you, only to step behind and engulf your body with his long coat with his hands still in its pockets. You smiled and leaned back against his chest, closing your eyes as you do so.

For a few minutes, the couple simply stood by, basking in the ambiance- the refreshing sea breeze against your skin, the soothing crash of waves, the birds chirping above. The sea was your comfort place after all, and it was his too. Despite it being months later, you cherished every calm walk such as this as if it was the last.

You’ve never felt at peace this much. It was so nice.

“23 years…” You glanced up at Jotaro when he spoke. “For 23 years of us knowing each other, finally… Finally we can just live like this.”

You chuckled. “Makes it seem like we’ve just been married and this is our honeymoon even though it’s been years.”

“We’ve been fighting the world for most of our lives. Is it strange that until now, I’m still not used to this kind of ‘quiet’? As if I’m cautious that someone could appear at any moment?”

You shook your head, your gaze drifting to the horizon as you thought of your next words. “It’s not. It’ll take some time for us to adjust to this new normal. For all our habitual anxiety to disappear. Hell, it might not go away entirely.”

“But I can assure you this-”

You stepped out of his coat and turned to face him. From this angle, you looked at Jotaro with a smile bearing all the gooey fondness you had in your heart. Gingerly, you rose a hand to his face and with tender care, traced the vertical scar lining the right side of his face. From the top of his brow, down to his blind eye, until your fingers stopped at the bold line of his jaw.

Only then, your hand returned to cup his cheek with your thumb stroking the smooth line of his scar. “Whatever may happens next, I’ll be there with you. Work, people, lingering Stand users… I’ll stay by your side, hm?”

With hooded eyes, Jotaro leaned against your palm and laid his hand over yours. “I can’t say much to change your mind anyways.” He huffed. “You were always so stubborn.”

You chuckled. “You’re not wrong.”

Getting on to your tiptoes, you planted a soft kiss over his cheek, nose, and his lips last, to which you lingered on for a second longer. Pulling away, you wrapped your arms around him and buried your face on his chest.

“Our lives are finally ours, starlight.”

You closed your eyes as you felt him tuck his chin on top of you, an arm wrapping around your waist, and a hand caressing the back of your head.

“Then let’s live them together, sunshine.”

[thegirlwholovesficcharacters]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐀𝐆𝐄 The originals x Org fem teen reader

Chap 1: ʜᴀʀᴅ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴀʏ ɢᴏᴏᴅʙʏᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴏᴠᴇ.

Summary: For as long as she could remember, fourteen-year-old maisie buckley used to have strange dreams, about people she had never met and scenarios that only she could believe would happen in movies or fantasy series, dreams that had faded with the passage of time. However, after suffering an accident, those dreams reappeared, leaving her to believe that they were a figment of her imagination due to post-traumatic stress disorder. But as time went by, Maisie began to realize that most of her “dreams” seemed to want to leave her a message or give her a sign about something, and although that seemed to be all, her situation seemed to get worse when she accidentally touched her classmate's hands, causing her to go into a trance and see blurry images. Confused and frightened by those recurring “dreams”, maisie finds herself trying to find answers about her strange dreams, until she arrives at the store of a voodoo witch, who seeing her desperation helps her search for some answer to her condition, her search resulted in a small town, New orleans. Without hesitation, maisie buckley leaves her life in boston behind, and upon arriving in new orleans finds more questions than answers to answer her questions, being rescued from a coven of witches along with a woman and becoming involved in a strange connection with those who claimed to be the originals, the first vampires created on earth. The mikaelson brothers.

Words: 2774 Warnings: Mention of blood, hand cuts, spells, mention of abandonment and an adoption (nothing dark or dangerous at the moment).

Autor's note: Hello, I'm back after a long time and with a new story. I recently rewatched one of my favorite series, The originals and with the passing of the chapters, I remembered that I had a fanfic about this series saved in one of my drafts on wattpad. I read it, rewrote it and thought, why not share it on tumblr?, and well, here I am with the first chapter of this series about the strange connection of a teenager of almost fifteen years old with my favorite family and the loves of my life, yes yes, I'm talking about Niklaus and elijah. Anyway, I'm going to base it from the first chapter of the first season of The originals. Although this chapter focuses a little more before the arrival of maisie to new orleans and what led her to go there.I apologize in advance with the spelling and grammatical errors that you will find during the reading, I usually use google translator to write in English, because well, my English is not so good, but hey, I'm still learning. Without further ado.

I hope you enjoy reading it!

PD: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

There were many things that Maisie did not like in her short life. She did not like small spaces, heights, or strange, disturbing, or uncomfortable situations. Although she wouldn't have to feel uncomfortable since she had gone to that strange store on her own.

It was not normal to her to see stuffed animals on show. But it was even more disturbing to her that they seemed to be looking at her whole soul. "This is very uncomfortable", she thought. She had read and seen TV programmes about people using taxidermy to preserve an animal's body for scientific study, or people doing this with their own pets to feel they were still with them.

━━━Terrible━━━ she muttered. The child ignored the animals and continued to explore the shop. Until she came to a shelf full of crystal balls. A little curious, she carefully picked up one of the spheres. Fascinated, she watched the small flashes of light contrasting with the shop light on the crystal ball.

━━━Careful with that Crystal ball kid, it's very expensive━━━━━The young girl jumped, surprised and frightened when she heard the woman's resulting voice.

Feeling the loud pounding of her heart, Maisie turned her head to find a woman with dark skin, her hair covered in a silk fabric, and an outfit that reminded her of Marie Laveau from her favorite show, played by Angela Basset.

Taking a deep breath, she leaves the crystal ball on the shelf and speaks with a slight stutter.

━━━━I'm sorry, ma'am.━━━━She excused herself quietly as she watched the woman cautiously approach her.

━━━What is it that brings a little thing like you to such a strange place?. You seem very young to be here, my dear ━━she questioned with a lifted eyebrow, looking at her as if she wanted to analyze her.

When she saw his questioning look, Maisie gripped the string of her backpack nervously, trying to formulate the right words to say to her.

━━━I…emm. I read on your website that you are one of the best 'Tarot Readers' in the city, Miss. Aisha Boudreaux━━━━ The woman looked at her again as she heard her call her a 'Tarot Reader'.

She said to herself, "So she already knows"

━━━And-and I came to your shop because I need your help. Please. ━━━she replied shyly..

The woman named aisha looked at her for a few seconds. She watched as she nervously held the strap of her purse and stuttered as she spoke. Then she cautiously lifted her hand and lifted the young girl faces. Her eyes showed curiosity as she looked at the girl's face.

"Her aura, it's… strange. I've never seen this kind of aura on anyone other than… no, it can't be" thought the woman, feeling exalted for a moment "is it her…? No, it can't be, she's too…young" Trying to ignore her thoughts, Aisha spoke.

━━━I can see in your eyes that something is troubling you, little one. I can't tell you what it is, but I know for sure that you've come to the right place….━━━Her gaze softened, noticing the small teenager's frightened eyes, she took a step back and held out her hand━━━Come with me, Maisie Buckley, I know you have many things you want to resolve.━━━Watching the woman's outstretched hand, Maisie stood still for a few seconds, watching her own hands covered in old gloves, then looked back at her.

A million thoughts went through her head, she was unsure if she should trust the woman, but she had gone to her shop for a reason, and that was that she needed answers, one way or the other, and Mrs. Boudreaux seemed to be the right person for the job.

She hadn't been on the road for almost an hour and had searched the Internet to get to her store for nothing, and she desperately needed answers.

She shook her head, swallowed some saliva, and smiled a little as she took the woman's hand.

━━━I trust you…━━━Boudreaux nodded softly as she began to walk away from the lobby. Maisie followed her, hoping that Mrs. Boudreaux might be able to help her.

It was now or never.

It had been about twenty minutes, twenty minutes since Boudreaux had taken her to a secluded room in the shop, where the two of them sat at her tarot table, surrounded by animal and human skulls (Maisie hoped the skulls were completely fake), candles lit in every corner of the room, and a cup of hot tea in her hands, which were almost empty and lukewarm.

Maisie had taken the time to give her a brief explanation of what had happened to her over the past few months. She had also made a brief plea for his help with her situation.

Now, standing in front of the witch, she watched as Boudreaux carefully placed her own mug on the table, her face was neutral, but the young teenager knew deep down she was worried about her situation, deep inside. She couldn't read minds, but when she saw Aisha's restless eyes, Maise could tell that something was going on in her head, and she wanted to ask her what it was, but she didn't want to interrupt her thoughts.

"After years…. But she is too young, what did they want, how did they restore her visions?" With a small sigh, Boudreaux speak.

━━━I've heard several stories about situations like this.━━━━Maisie looked at her intently for a moment. Were there any other people out there with the same problem as she had?━━━Tell me, dear, have you ever heard of clairvoyants?━━━The teenage hesitated to answer.

Even if she could say yes, Maisie was sure she would only named Alice Cullen from Twilight and Ethan Morgan from My Nanny Is a Vampire or some other fictional character she knew with that kind of gift. And since she was sure she would answer that, and since Mrs. Boudreaux would reproach her, she decided to answer.

━━━Only in fictional series or movies━━━━━She replied quickly, smiling innocently, the woman rolled her eyes but nodded anyway.

━━━Well, I'll stick with you having an idea of what they are….━━━Maisie nodded, not wanting to interrupt her━━━….You have a gift, child. You are a kind of seer who can only see visions through touch, be they future or past━━━When she saw Maisie open her mouth, the woman raised her hand and silenced her immediately━━━ and before you speak, yes, I know about that show about a vampire nanny, which I find absurd but entertaining━━━he teenager smiled and nodded.

Al verla entender, la bruja asintió para si misma.

━━━Good. Before we continue━━━She moved her empty cup away from the centre of the table━━━I have to ask you, do you have any relatives who have been in this situation in the past? Or anything like that?━━━Maisie quickly denied with a small grimace.

Maisie knew she was adopted. Her parents always told the truth about how she came to be with them. They were worried that something would change in their family after she told them about the day she came to live with them. Maisie was never upset or angry, though. She was grateful and happy that they were her parents, even if they weren't her biological parents. She never talked about it with anyone, except her school friend Amy.

━━━N-no…━━━She cleared her throat a little before continuing.━━━ see, I…I'm adopted. And I doubt that my mother or father came from a line of visionaries and magically passed on that gift to me….She replied shortly, almost in a tone of sarcasm that made her eyes widen, astonished at her own audacity.

Boudreaux smiled, nodding his head in understanding.

━━━It's… understandable━━━she said, ignoring the girl's sarcastic tone━━━so we can assume that it could be from your biological family's side…━━━Masie stood still, feeling a slight discomfort at the mention of her biological family.

Seeing her reaction, the woman raised an eyebrow

━━━You've never tried to look for clues about them, have you?━━━Masie denied, pursing her lips.

━━━No. All I know, and all my parents have told me, is that I was left on their doorstep without a note or a clue.━ She spoke, vaguely remembering the story of how she'd arrived on that rainy spring day fifteen years ago.

Boudreaux nodded as she considered how to help her, not wanting to be too obvious about her situation, she had an idea of what was going on but wasn't sure it would happen. Until an idea flashed through her head, a spell.

━━━Well, since we don't have any names or clues, I guess I'll have to use another method. A tracking spell━ Maisie watched as the woman abruptly rose from her seat. Boudreaux approached a shelf and looked around for what she needed,until their gaze landed on a particular shelf.

━━━Well, I need a map…here it is, a dagger…this one's fine, and a necklace…━━━As she finished searching for her items, the witch approached the table, leaving the things on it and then looked at the girl━━━And I'm also going to need some of your blood, little one.━━━The teenager's eyes widened in surprise.

━━━My--what?'━━━ she asked in disbelief.

━━━Your blood, silly.━━━She said as she arranged her magical items and placed a small dagger in front of her━━━If you want to know the origin of your seer power, you must know how to ask the right people, and when I say the right people, I mean your biological family.

Maisie looked uncertainly at the dagger on the table, then at her own gloved hands, almost petrified and shocked at what she had to do to find the answer to her now Seer's gift.

If she really wanted to know more about the background of her power and put an end to her strange but not so strange dreams, she had to face her biological family, even if she didn't feel ready to.

━━━All right, I'll do it…━━━she agreed firmly. Boudreaux nodded. With shaking hands, Maisie took the small dagger from the table.

━━━You can use either hand. Cut your palm above the map. When I say stop, cover your hand with the gauze━━━She demanded, pointing to the small box of sterile gauze that had been set aside.

As she watched her get things in order, Maisie took off her left glove, left it on the table and waited for Boudreaux to tell her when to cut off the palm of her hand.

The woman looked at her and nodded.

Maisie complied and placed her hand on the map, shuddering at the sting of the dagger blade slicing through her palm as she watched drops of blood fall onto the parchment.

━━━That's enough, sweetheart━━━Listening to her, the girl put the bloody dagger down on the table with a clatter and used her other hand to cover her injured hand with some gauze to stop the bleeding.

It was only a few seconds before she was surprised to hear the witch whispering strange words, 'Must be Latin,' she thought. She watched as Aisha held the necklace in one hand and pointed directly to where the drops of blood were, a small gust of wind came out of nowhere and surprised her as she saw the fire of the burning candles moving restlessly.

But what surprised her most was seeing the drops of blood, her blood, coalesce into a stain, moving from one side to the other of the map.

Her curious green eyes watched the movement with attention and wonder, until the droplets formed a circle around a particular city.

Realising the spell was over, Mrs Boudreaux opened her eyes and looked at the small circle of blood, frowning.

"The images were blurry. They move back and forth. What's going on in New Orleans?" she wondered inwardly. She hadn't managed to see the faces of the girl's biological family, but she did see two of them moving very fast, as if they were looking for something or someone.

Maisie had heard about the city from her parents, who had always told her about their honeymoon in New Orleans and how they had loved touring the city, listening to the jazz music that filled the streets, tasting the delicious food and the stories of the creatures that lurked in the night.

━━━Your birth family, child. Looks like they're in New Orleans, little Buckley━━━she commented, looking away from the map as it met the girl's green eyes━━━You know, if you're thinking of going there, I'm warning you.

Maisie looks at her attentively.

━━━Beware of old witches, they may seem harmless, but believe me, they are the worst━━━Hearing his serious voice and look, Maisie nodded quickly━━━And don't trust Agnes either, she's a harpy and a psychopath.

Curious about the warning to these people, Maisie wanted to ask who they were, but one look from Boudreaux told her everything. They were dangerous.

━━━All right━━━she replied, putting her glove back on. When she was finished, the young girl fumbled in one of her pockets until she pulled out a few notes, raised her head and smiled, holding the money out to the woman.━━━Here, thank you for your help.

Boudreaux quickly rejected the offer and refused to take the money..

━━━Oh, no, darling. No need, I did it as a favour for a friend. Besides, you'll need the money for your trip.━━━ The teenager hesitated, but eventually agreed. Watching her arrange her bag, Boudreaux approached and held out the dagger.━━━And before you go, here. You'll need this. For protection━━━she said. She saw the small dagger, already clean, tucked away in a small leather pouch. Maisie took it carefully and nodded to herself.

━━━Thank you. Aisha━━━she said, and the woman smiled at her.

━━━You're welcome, Maisie. Good luck on your trip, and if you need any help, give me a call. You already have my number in your bag━━━Curious, Maisie reached into her bag and found the little piece of paper with her number on it.

━━━I will.━━━Before opening the door to the shop, the young girl gave the witch a final nod and said goodbye with a small smile.

As the door closed with the sound of the bell, Boudreaux had a sigh of relief.

━━━Diaval!━━━Shout. Suddenly there was a loud whimpering sound and the flapping of a bird as it approached.

Feeling the bird's pointed talons on his right shoulder, Boudreaux turned his head to find the raven's smooth black plumage and head looking straight ahead as it cawed.

Boudreaux walked up to the door and stepped out onto the veranda.

━━━Keep an eye on the girl and look after her if you can. There is something about her that is both attractive and powerful━━━Murmured.

The crow cawed again.

━━━Watch her from a distance and let me know if anything goes wrong. I made a promise to Cass and Evan: she must be safe from whatever comes━━━With a final caw, the raven lifted its wings and flew away from the house, following the young teenager from a distance.

The night after her meeting with Aisha Boudreaux, Maisie started packing: clothes, books, her mobile phone and a burner phone, as well as her savings and allowance from her tutor, her Aunt Callie. The next day, her aunt dropped her off at school and Maisie waited for her car to leave the car park to catch the next bus to the station. But before she left, there was something she had to do.

Standing on the grass with two small bouquets of flowers in her hands, the young woman looked around her. She noticed that trees surrounded her and that there were few people around. She looked down and wistfully read the names on the gravestones.

Beloved friends, children and parents, Cassandra Dianne Buckley and Steven Evans Buckley.

With a small sigh, she bent down and placed the bouquets on each headstone, removing the wilted flowers and leaving the new ones in their place. When she had finished, she straightened up again.

━━━I would have liked you both to come with me on this journey. I know they will be angry, wherever you guys are, and I know it will be a dangerous journey, but…━━━ She sigh, letting out a wry smile━━━I promise I will try to stay out of harm's way. If it doesn't get to me first, Aunt Callie will go mad, but I've left her a letter, as well as Amy. I think they'll both understand why I've decided to leave. I promise it won't be for long, I'll come back and leave them flowers like I do every Friday. I promise…━━━A small silence fell over the place.

With one last look at her parents' gravestones she smiled regretfully.

━━━I love you mom, i love you dad. I miss you both, a lot.━━━With these last words, Maisie walked slowly away from the cemetery.

Saying goodbye to her loved ones was always difficult for Maisie; she had said it before at the funeral, to her aunt and her friend, and again to her parents.

She didn't know how long her little adventure was going to take, but she was hoping to be back home soon.

[ask-cyantist]

[Cyan considers the both of you, narrowing her eye lens. She lets out a sigh.]

"I guess that's fair. Impostors are a relatively new phenomenon, since the expeditions for MIRA only began a few Zumiran years ago. Alright. I'll try to explain my theory as best I can."

[Cyan waves for you to follow into the specimen lab. She flips up a projector from a stand, and clicks out half the lights. A few taps on her MIRApad activates some slides.]

"From the limited information I've been able to gather- small sample size, and all... Impostors as we know them can only perpetuate as an offshoot of existing crew mates. They cannot exist in a vacuum- to put it simply, Impostors are a drastic transformation that Beans undergo due to external factors. Stress alone cannot trigger it, because otherwise we would have experienced outbreaks of impostor killings long before achieving space flight. Impostors cannot breed more impostors- at least, I really hope they can't- but they can spread their condition to uninfected members of the same species.

"Beans are not the only sapient race that have Impostors, it CAN exist in other species- but I imagine due to our genetic makeup, the differences in how it manifests must be quite vast. The common factors I've been able to deduce from my own research and sparse records across MIRA's database is that Impostors crave proteins, particularly fatty tissues, to an almost manic degree, and they kill to feed and satisfy that need. In our particular region of space, I have one known, documented source of Impostor genesis."

[Cyan clicks the slide, and her expression darkens as she looks at the image.]

"...a species native to Polus, which I dubbed a 'Boreworm'. Calling them a 'parasite' isn't entirely accurate. More like a symbiote- though not by choice. I thought they were exclusively burrowing polychaetes... but I was wrong. Turns out, they spend most of their life cycle sheltering inside an unwilling host for protection. Boreworm infestation does provide some benefits, like expedited tissue regeneration, improved flexibility and heightened senses. But I wish I'd never found the $#%& worms in that dirt."

[Cyan takes a deep breath, re-centering herself.]

"I don't believe there's some secret space coalition of Impostors out there. If there was, we Beans would have been wiped out as a species. Impostors are stronger and heal faster than normal Beans- if they could organize, we wouldn't stand a chance. I've also found that a sort of territoriality is present among my ilk. We don't like other impostors, for various reasons. I suppose for normal impostors, who succumbed to the borderline feral instincts, it's a simple matter of competition. More impostors means less 'food' to go around. For me- my crew is my family. I don't want any of them to die... even if they hate me."

~~~~

@thomasdimensor @impostercrewmate

[Mod: I'M BACK IN THE SADDLE BABYYYY. Thank you both for your asks! :DD I finally got to touch on my personal headcanons for impostors!! And also I laughed at how accidentally similar your wording was hehehe~]

[I could go into more details on the Boreworms, but the post was getting long enough as-is xD So I'll save it for another ask if anybody is interested in my ghastly little parasites~ Enjoy the horrifying implications!]

[stupidlittlespirit]

Just popping in re: my ask that you answered about movies and such like last week or so. I've been on an old sci fi movies kick lately, tracking down stuff to rent from my local video rental place.

It stems from endless wondering about the movies Ford missed while he was in the Nightmare Realm and what he'd think of them post-portal. And also, what movies he might have seen growing up, like The Day The Earth Stood Still.

It would be so fun to sit down with him and Stan for a movie night once a week and go down memory lane ☺️

Hope you're feeling a bit better, since you said you were a little under the weather ❤️

Love that for you!!!! I miss going to actually rent videos, we don't have shops like that where I am anymore so I have to use the Lord's illegal internet and I miss the nostalgia that comes with the whole trip out etc. Good memories attached to it as a kid.

As an aside, I think Dipper would have taken great joy in showing him all of the stuff below in canon, too. I live with this happy image of him showing his Grunkle every single one of the movies that came out during Ford's time away and them having a little roundtable chat to discuss each one afterwards haha.

Also you've opened a can of worms by asking me about movies, so good luck from here, soldier.

So, the 80's were THE most formative time for sci-fi movies (and horror) imo, which makes it suck even more that Ford wouldn't have seen them. I kind of write off most of '82 due to the position he would have been in mentally with Bill. I think he fell into the Nightmare Realm much earlier than literally falling in, if you catch my dramatic metaphor lmao.

In '82 alone, we (I wasn't even born then but let me live) got The Thing, Tron, Blade Runner, E.T, Mad Max 2, Poltergeist - which I think is probably more horror but whatever - and more. I mean getting The Thing AND Blade Runner alone in like the same month, I believe, is fucking insane and to think! They weren't even very popular at the time! Not to mention Alien, The Terminator, Predator, Robocop and all the others.

I'm going with this idea that he was a big sci-fi horror fan but he'd have enjoyed both genres separately too. Also monster movies, of course.

Ford really, really missed out on the cinematic decade of the 80's and I would be beside myself to get the chance to show him every single movie he didn't get to see just from that period alone. First time reactions to The Thing are SO good. It's my favourite, can you tell haha

Growing up, I would assume we're talking about a period from the 50's to the 70's? So to start early, we'd have classics like Godzilla and King Kong, for example.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers was '56 but I feel like he'd vibe with that. They remade it later on in about '76 or '78 or something, and it was really fucking creepy. Think he'd dig that. Forbidden Planet was '56 as well.

The Day of the Triffids was '68, I think? I loved that book as a kid and so I'm imprinting on Ford here, but I think he'd have enjoyed the movie and book, too.

In '68 we also have 2001: A Space Odyssey, with my beloved boy HAL. I can imagine Ford berating the crew through the TV like "don't listen to the demonic fucking robot AI! He's obviously going to kill you all, are you idiots?!" and then confidently explaining how he would never fall for HAL's lies (oh sweet subtle foreshadowing save me....).

Incredibly bias addition of Barbarella because HELLO why would he not love that. I bet Stan did too, you'll know why if you've seen it.....

Oh man, also War of the Worlds! He'd go craaaazy for that. Planet of the Apes.

There are so many. I feel like he'd have been a major film nerd in his down time from working. I know a lot of people have this opinion that he did nothing but work/study, and to an extent I agree, but the thought of him (when he was healthier) making time to go to the local movie theatre as a treat or him snuggled up in front of his teeny little television set with snacks is too fun to ignore.

And thank you for the kind words! I'm having days of good and not so good, you know how it is. Appreciate your thoughts <3

[tobiasdrake]

I've been asked about my gender a couple of times. Once today, even. And I always freeze up when asked about that because. Like.

The reality is that I have a long and complicated relationship with gender. For years, I've just said "cis-male" because that's the easy answer. It felt like a noncommittal default answer. It's only recently that I've become less comfortable with that because. Well. Identifying as cis is still identifying, still committing to something.

But it's hard to commit because my situation is... messy.

I don't know if anyone is interested to hear me ramble about gender so I'm going to put this all after a jump. But since I'm having a mid-life crisis introspection day, here is my long, convoluted history with my gender identity.

If you saw my "characters who raised me" post, you might have noticed that an overwhelming majority of them were women. I have always felt more comfortable in the spaces that femininity creates than masculinity.

When I picture myself, when I close my eyes and see myself as the person I want to be, as the image I want to project out into the world, I see a young woman in her 20's with long brown hair tied back in a ponytail. Like Sailor Moon's Makoto Kino, a decade older.

My parents weren't around very much, so these women were my earliest teachers. They taught me how to walk. How to sit. Where to put my hands when I'm moving. And then adults made me unlearn all of that because you're not supposed to carry yourself like that or walk like that or sit like that if you're a boy. Learn to cross your legs in a masculine way!

To this day, I still often walk on the balls of my feet by habit, simply because my legs naturally imitate the posture of wearing heels. But I tell people it's because I watched a lot of Gargoyles as a kid and also really liked the X-Man Nightcrawler. (Which I did and do, and they're great.)

My favorite color is red. The reason my favorite color is red is because it's actually pink, but you're not allowed to like pink if you're a boy. My parents made that clear when they made me stop wearing my big pink winter coat that I loved so very much.

I spent the rest of my childhood and much of my adulthood dressing in black instead. Nobody cares if you're a boy or a girl if you're wearing black. (It also color-coordinates well with pink. That is a fire combination.)

I didn't really know what I was doing as a kid. I just knew that I was doing it wrong. Because people kept telling me I was doing it wrong. Gotta be a man. Gotta man up. Gotta like the things that boys like. Gotta put away the girly things because real men don't like girly things; In fact, "real men" aggressively hate girly things!

Gotta get money. Gotta get women. Gotta be aggressive and violent and not take no for an answer. That's how you be a real man. These are the things I started to internalize as the way I'm supposed to behave, as the space I'm meant to be in.

And I should note that this is not a fair reflection of masculinity. This is toxic masculinity. But it's what I was learning and it's the person I started becoming. Because I stopped listening to women, stopped respecting women, reframed my relationship to femininity as one of desire and power and control.

And I was miserable. I became a mediocre boy with pent-up aggression, prone to lashing out at the slightest indignity or disrespect because gotta assert my manhood. And I was tremendously unsuccessful at getting money and women. Women didn't like being around me very much. Can you possibly guess why? Probably because I was visibly unsafe to be around.

I hated it. I hated doing it. I hated the consequences of it. I was miserable.

Then I discovered that there were LGBT spaces. And I felt saved. My school's Gay-Straight Alliance became my sanctuary, where I could escape into a new world that nobody ever told me about. Where I could let it all of those pressures go and just say, "I am a trans woman."

This was not the end of my journey, though. You might not see the problem there. The thing that undermined my coming out. But for me, looking back, it's clear as day.

I was not coming out because I was more comfortable in the spaces that femininity built than masculinity. Even though I am. My mind was too poisoned by that point for a reason that good.

I was coming out because I was uncomfortable in the spaces that patriarchy built. And I thought being a transwoman would free me from that.

It did not. We are not, any of us, free from the pressures that patriarchy built. I had just traded one set of manacles for a different set. One that I hadn't been socialized in, one that is deeper and more complicated than I knew and that I didn't have the patience to learn because I was just trying to escape.

I wasn't trying to be a woman. I was trying to be what toxic masculinity thinks women are. The grass looked greener on the other side. It looked easier (and holy shit is it not). By that point in my life, I no longer respected women enough to be one.

It was two years before I gave up. Because I was still miserable. Being a woman (or my toxic impression of one) hadn't cured my soul-sickness. I was still angry. I was still lonely. So I went back to full-throated raging masculinity. I wrote those two years off as "experimenting" and I doubled down on toxic masculinity because now I was compensating for something.

I got a career because I'd dropped out of high school and wasn't going to college so I needed to have something. I moved out at 18 and got my own shitty apartment because a real man's gotta have his man pad. I refocused myself: Get rich, get women, be successful as a man. I spent the next years of my life as an angry libertarian incel issuing social darwinist screeds and ranting about how women are all bitches 'cause they won't sleep with me.

Then I started to meet people who were worse off than I was. Who showed me entire facets of the world I never knew existed. And I started to soften. Then I started to learn. And then I started to heal. To find acceptance for the parts of me I'd buried a decade ago.

People I can sit around and watch a TV show with, and see a snooty rich woman on the screen and go, "That one! That one's me. My character is Tahani. ^_^" and they won't judge me or tell me I'm wrong and I need to pick a different one.

Well, they'll judge me a little but only because my characters are always the fucking worst. Not because they're women. In my heart of hearts, I am an egotistic, entitled, prissy bitch and I own it.

I'm happier now than I ever was before, either as a man or a toxic man's perception of what a woman is supposed to be. And maybe my pronouns should be she/her. I don't know. Looking back over my journey, it's hard to feel like any set of pronouns really fits me - but I feel weird being they/them. Nothing feels right to me at all anymore.

I feel more comfortable in the spaces that femininity creates than the ones that masculinity does. Even healthy masculinity just doesn't call out to me the way femininity does, because femininity defined so much of my formative years. Most of the things in my childhood that were good are gendered female.

But I also don't know why they have to be. Why you have to be a woman to like pink, or to wear a pretty dress, or to enjoy cooking, or to cross your legs in a particular way. I don't want to believe that I can't be male but enjoy the things that I enjoy. That I'm not allowed to just decide for myself what masculinity means for me.

And yet, whenever I close my eyes and picture myself, I see a woman in her twenties with brown hair tied back in a ponytail. If I could start it all over again and be that woman from the very beginning, I would.

I don't know.

What I do know is that during my time as a libertarian incel, I started a career. That career has become my family's lifeline. I'm a high school dropout whose main skillset is knowing how computers work and being proficient at Microsoft Office, and I make more money than the rest of my family combined.

I feel like anyone in my age bracket can do my job. But they pay me to do it. Because I'm white, male, and clean-cut. We're forced to live under capitalism, and my family's future depends on the money my privilege earns. Because I'm aesthetically hirable.

So I go to work in the spaces that masculinity built. Then I come home to my LGBT family where it simply doesn't matter because everyone is accepted for who they are individually, no matter what box they fit in.