#posted something very similar to my ig a while ago but i wanted talk about this again

[dwururka]

I understand feeling like you need some guidance or confirmation that you're "valid" as a queer person but you need to stop asking strangers online for permission to use any certain labels or to define your experiences for you, it will not do you any good I think

[skylarbee]

I just saw your recent post on AM stans hating on Milex stans… I need a catching up please. What about LV and Amanda (?) and Matt too? I rarely ever dive deep into bands and their members, I just like to appreciate their music.

Thank you ♡

! long post incoming and i want to point out that i don't plan on using this blog to discuss any of these people (only maybe very rarely) - i don't like them, i don't think they're good people, i don't want to argue with people who think otherwise, and i usually ignore whatever they're up to - my main focus will always be on milex/miles !

hi anon! <3 i have no idea how much you know already, or if you basically don't know anything related to these three, or any of them. i will say that i have no screenshots concerning the things that i mention, but searching their names up on tumblr and/or scrolling through blogs like @/shit-talk-turner and @/alexstorm will make things more clear.

this whole thing started when louise posted a screenshot yesterday of an am fan saying some dumb shit about her in the comments and bringing up alexa (i still can't believe she posted this). she posted this with some equally stupid words (i don't have the screenshot - you can find it on twitter/tumblr/ig/tiktok/wherever), and matt then reposted her story, jumping to protect her (maybe amanda did too, i don't know). then she managed to screenshot some nice comments and posted those too, saying that 'love always wins' or something similar, and that haters can kiss her ass (this definitely didn't come across as her craving and asking for some compliments; she definitely doesn't need people babying her in order for her to feel good about herself) - which reminded me of something similar that amanda said like a year ago, that they don't pay attention to the haters anyways, of course after posting a long paragraph paying attention to them (makes me laugh just to think about it).

there are so many other hysterical and foolish things she does, like posting pictures of a messy bed (look, i'm fucking alex turner!), selfies with suspicious rings, other pics hinting at alex's presence, calling paparazzis to take pictures of them on the beach, pretending to be jane birkin and alex to be serge gainsbourg, going off about how independent she is while living off of alex's money, somehow managing to make matt's and amanda's marriage about her (with amanda encouraging her), 'accidentally' always doing these when miles has important things going on, etc etc (the fact that her and miles never interacted in real life is also deeply concerning. alex, dear, you should always trust your best friend when they don't like your partner, they always end up being right - especially knowing that miles was always on really good terms with alex's exs). it's clear that she's deeply insecure and adores when the attention is on her and when people are talking about her, and if she goes for a long period without this, she just has to pull something that will get fans talking. she's trying so hard to fit in and be the sexy rockstar girlfriend that she just ends up looking stupid.

if you don't know the real reasons why some people don't like louise, i'm just gonna post some links about her that pretty much sum it all up:

https://www.tumblr.com/snarcticmonkeys/685972106927882240/can-you-recap-the-problematic-things-frencies?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/snarcticmonkeys/685366553489866753/everybodys-got-something-to-hide-except-me-and-my?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/snarcticmonkeys/685366736118235136/everybodys-got-something-to-hide-except-me-and-my?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/snarcticmonkeys/685155230049075200/louise-the-fangirl?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/snarcticmonkeys/685155226833059841/lyon-july-2018?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/snarcticmonkeys/685095240693170176/deleted-posts?source=share

about amanda... now, if i remember correctly, amanda had a blog dedicated to her music, and people dug up some screenshots in which she replies to someone and uses the n-word, and then another post where she's being racist. these screenshots are somewhere in the depths of my phone and it would be impossible to find them, and regardless, these screenshots are so old that she could've well changed for the better since then.

the problem with her is the fact that she's having arguments in the comments with young fans (asking stuff like did they have brain tumours for breakfast and other ridiculous things...or was that louise?) and posts even more ridiculous stories in response to people bullying louise, and protecting her like she's a toddler who can't take care of herself. the pure arrogance and self-importance with which she communicates her ideas is just mental, she thinks that she's on the top of the world, and encourages louise to act the same way. it's baffling that two 40-ish women think that bullying 14 year olds will achieve anything other than encouraging other 'fans' to act the same way.

the thing about matt is just basically the fact that ever since he's been with amanda, he acts the same way as her. now, i know there's been some issue about some idiots commenting about his daughter, which made him deactivate his ig account, and i have absolutely no words for the people who dared to say anything about that poor, innocent, completely blameless child. but even before this, he turned to the same kind of arrogance as amanda and reposted all her stories concering louise. the way that they need to say over and over again what a good person louise is, how much alex loves her, how great their relationship is, how beautiful and kind and caring she is... makes you really question if she really is indeed all those things (especially if you opened those links i posted). more importantly, what exactly do they plan to achieve arguing with teenage girls? it's so childish, my god, they are only adding fuel to the fire. god knows what they're telling alex and also god knows what he thinks about it all.

there's something that i'm not 100% sure about, but i'm gonna say it in the hopes that someone will see this and will tell me if this is wrong or not: matt cheated on breana when both her parents died (this one is definitely true), and left her with 1 year old amelia, and fucked off to live with another woman (amanda denies being the woman in question, i have no idea). she was solo parenting for a while (breana said all these in a podcast), then matt woke up and decided that he wants something to do with his daughter after all, and ever since then he takes care of her too - good job love, you're still horrible though.

in short, l&a's insanely childish antics dragged matt into the whole thing too. they're constantly throwing hissy fits, in hopes to achieve god knows what, and then they feel proud of themselves for telling teenage girls off. which makes you think, what would happen if am would be 10 times more popular than they are know, and louise would get 10 times the hate she gets now? or even better, what would happen if louise would get the same amount of hate miles gets on the daily? she said in her screenshot that she knows that it's only a minority of the fandom that leave such mean comments - then what's the point of paying attention to it? all this just shows another reason why these two definitely don't like each other - miles has brains, the other one... well, i'm sorry. i tried my best to like them and look past their mistakes,but i just can't do it.

[demonshauntingthedoves]

I'm looking for a yandere dubcon bts fic, can you help me? 🥺 its about reader and stranger!Taehyung in a packed bus/train and he just does it with her while people don't notice. i think its a very old fic, maybe the op has deactivated but if you or anyone recognize this fic pls sound off in the replies thank youu

Sorry I didn't get to you sooner but I've read something similar to the plot you're talking about- but the male character wasn't taehyung ig and it was set in metro, at the end they're taken to the police station for disrupting the rules and the reader is very embarrassed. I read that a long time ago, I went through all the posts I've liked but I did not find it. But I'll try to rummage once again.

Now that you told me about it, I want to reread this fic too!!

If any of my doves know about this fic, please reach out. 🤝

And if the anon already got the fic, do share it to me. 😉

[cestacruz]

I want to learn more about the master Artoria Au

🥹❤️❤️ueueueu

It's quite more extensive than Just the Holy Grail War

The lineup until now is

Saber: Musashi and Iori Miyamoto (Master(s) in the works)

Archer: James Moriarty (Master is Cassidy, i already posted something bout her)

Lancer: (Might be) Qin Liangyu (master in the works)

Rider: Ludwig van Beethoven (I already have her master but i refuse to post about them for now. I need dignity. I'll say two words to describe them tho: Hatsune Miku)

Caster: Zeno of Elea (no master yet)

Assassin: Hassan of the Shining Star (no master yet either) (also funnily enough, ive had Shining Star in this AU since two years ago, so imagine my surprise when he got released LMAO)

And well, Berserker: Queen Guinevere (and yknow, master Arturia)

It's sorta a modern AU but not at the same time, i'll put a cut here because its long and i ramble

It's not a Forced project to bring Arthur back like with Gray but the alternate name i use for this AU in my notes is "The Once and Future King" so...

History repeating itself sorta thing but without the doomed narrative (unless.) (Haha just kidding...) (...unle--)

The "pendragon|orkney" family does exist (as in mom(igraine)(she's alive), dad(uther)(he left them), morgan and lot, and nephews and nieces (morgan lost a bet to 5 year old arturia and had to name her kids after the knights) and more arthuriana characters are scattered around too, but they dont have an importance to the HGW part of the AU, with the exception of a few

They still call her Arturia (TECHNICALLY they call her Arthuria, because i love that name and no one will take it from me) because the few years that Uther was with them, he called Arturia "Arthur" because he wanted a boy and he couldnt cope (theres the History repeats itself motif and also misogynistic men like that still exist), so Morgan used Arthur*ia* as a nickname, and it stuck

This is where i will confess that im thinking of using a different name for Arturia, i already Kinda do in my notes. As in legal name (thinking of Aurlyn, which is similar but different enough). I would be doing the same with some of the Orkney siblings whose names would not be as common in the modern world or too obvious a reference, while still being named after the knights (Gareth would stay as Gareth cuz thats literally still a mormal name people use, but a name like Agravain or Mordred arent as common, ig. Or Gawain. And Gaheris. Actually only Gareth has a mormal fcking name)

ALSO mordred is Morgan and Lot's kid in this. No weird cloning in my modern AU. Genetics from the pendragon hit hard tho, they still look like Arturia

Actually idk what else to say rn, theres some more stuff but its escaping my mind, so little random stuff

Arturia's family has little to no mage relation currently, but they still have mage blood and sht

Also Merlin manipulated Morgan(modern) using her literal dreams, into freeing him from Avalon and he used to that hang out with little kid Arturia at the park (everyone hates him/chases him away)

The reason why Cath Palug is there is because this AU follows the F/SN timeline, which is a timeline in which Chaldeas never formed. Therefore, Fou never learned to love people, teehee. He only learned to hate Merlin and King Arthur (?)

Also theres a modern Guinevere, tho her name is literally just Gwen, and Arturia and her met during high school Time but they werent Actually classmates (think like, tournaments or trips to other school/places). I called her "arturia's high school crush" in the tags of a previous ask but they are still friends and talk a lot

And yeah , thank u and i am, Very happy that you asked bout it

[the-missann]

I've never had the chance to share this so ig I'll do it here.

So, I have a speech impediment. Yay.

Specifically a stutter and I've suffered bullying centered around my stuttering for years on end. (For some reason it was always by girls. Guys used to think my stutter was cute for some reason it's not btw).

My sutter is the prolongation of words and the block

I.e How areeeee you and I'm fin____

I wanted to share this for anyone else who's living with a stutter. I've noticed a few things.

I actually only stutter on vowels (lovely that every word has a vowel in it huh?)

I pretty much stop breathing when I talk (it's like my brain can only focus on one thing at a time)

Reading does not increase or decrease my stuttering.

I sometimes add extra words or pronounce words differently to avoid stuttering.

My stutter decreases dramatically when speaking to people who don't cut me off.

Now, I'll go through and explain them to help anyone who may have similar issues.

For 1, I noticed around four years ago that I actually only stutter on words that have a vowel sound. I sat down with myself and talked for a bit and found that every word I stuttered on, it was at the vowel sound.

Shockingly, even words that begin with a vowel sound I stutter over, I'll give details on that later.

So, the best way I've learn to handle this is to stop when I know a word has a vowel and I stutter on that word, so I'll say something like:

Everything is all ready done.

Separating them into two words seems to prevent me from stuttering.

2 might also just be my anxiety, but for the sake of this post, let's say it's not. I noticed I'm usually out of breath when I talk. I do talk fast, but I mean like I just ran a marathon out of breath from just saying a simple sentense.

The best way I can describe it is like when you're singing a song. You try and sing the full line as the singer does, but most of us haven't trained our lungs so we end up breathless by the end of it.

I still do this, but it's gotten better as I've learned to breathe from my diaphragm when I talk instead of my chest.

3 I'm really saying for anyone trying to help someone with a stutter. This does not help someone to calm their stutter. As a kid, my parents sat me down and assumed if I read aloud I would learn not to stutter, but it makes no difference.

My advice is to just be patient. That person knows they stutter, let them take their time and they'll eventually get out what they need to say. You're in no rush to hear what they say, so just let tham go at their own pace.

One last thing about this. DO NOT try and finish a sentence for them. It's bad enough we have a stutter, but if someone tries to fill in the sentence for us, our self esteem goes 📉📉.

For 4 (lol) this is a thing I developed and it works pretty well. This is the detail I was going to get into. So, sometimes I stutter over the word it, no Pennywise.

So, to stop that from happening since it is used a lot, I started saying "I T is like." Now, I don't say that in public, but I do with my family and the word is simple enough that no one is thinking too hard on what I spelled out.

But this is why I usually don't refer to things by their proper name (so if anyone here ever becomes my real friend, please know I'm not saying things wrong, I'll just stutter otherwise).

Lastly, 5. I would assume this is the same for everyone regardless if they have a stutter or not. When someone is cutting you off, it makes you rush your words, cut your words off, and stutter. So it gets worse for someone with a stutter.

I have very rarely encountered people who didn't try and cut me off because I paused to take a breath or held out a word. It's true that the anticipation of someone cutting you off sometimes makes you stutter.

I have my stutter under control a lot now, but it did take me a while to get to this point. So, for anyone out there who has a stutter, try and find out what makes your stutter tick and go from there to find ways around it.

This has been a PSA about stuttering, thank you for reading 🍂

Sorry, but last thing, since I'm a writwblr, I wanted to add how to properly write a character with a stutter.

We know t-the (repeating sound) stutter is a real one, but it's normally used for someone who's simply nervous. Someone who actually stutters would stutter at any point in time and sometimes in different ways (eg me having two versions of a stutter).

Also, know where your character's stutter comes from. Mines happens to be hereditary and environmental as I frequently get cut off and thus rush my words to get them out faster. It's also just kind of the way I am since I'm very fast paced and have a hard time "taking things slow"

It's also good to detail a tick or habit your stuttering character may have, like they stop talking and shake their head when pausing their stutter.

Oh, and it's true, cursing eliminates stuttering. There needs to be some testing done on that.

[nya-dragonaxi]

Finally I can post about my girls !! Yippie !!

It's an old drawing but it's also one of the rare drawings I still like even after a lot of time

So first one is Content, you've seen her once before ; second is Priya who I briefly mentioned in Yelena's lore as File's sister ; last is Theme, I never mentioned her 'til now

In case you can't guess Priya and Theme's color, well Priya is a Navy blue Addison and Theme is a Lavender Addison. Also I'm going to redesign Theme a bit cause' I kinda improvised her look back then and now I'm realizing she looks a bit too similar to Infinity, mostly because of her clothes, so yeah expect to see her again soon. The 3 of them are not really relevent in the main story, I just love them a lot and want ppl to see them too :3

Here's the lore I wrote in early development that is still canon (copypasted because I ain't rewriting all that) :

(Quickly their prns so y'all ain't confused when I talk about them :

Priya He/Him

Content They/She

Theme She/her) Content and Theme met Priya at the restaurant he works at, they were already together at the time but felt like they were missing something and when they saw Priya they were like "That's what's missing" Small issue is that Priya almost completely shut down his emotions a long time ago, when his elder brother left, and is confused most of the time because he doesn't know what love is, It's like he's incapable of feeling anything But Content and Theme still try, and in the end they're teaching Priya how to feel again Content is very expressive and full of energy, they're always trying to defend their girlfriends, although she's really short and it kind of look ridiculous when They're trying to be menacing. They're also an artist, and Sometimes draws sketches of their girls Priya, despite starting to feel more emotions as time goes by, still wears a strict expression constantly. Though, he will not hesitate to go to his Girls for a hug when he needs one Theme loves hugging her girlfriends a lot actually, she's very touchy, she loves spending time with them and talking about whatever new stuff she learned while reading books (and they let her speak for hours while they do something else at the same time) I often refer to them with stuff like Sun, Moon, Sky, and their shipname for all 3 is Sunset But in a 2/3 situation I have also given them shipnames because uuuuh fun ig, so : Priya/Content → Eclipse Priya/Theme → Night sky Content/Theme → Daytime

[northerngoshawk]

Tell me a little about your most recent fic (make sure to link it!): what was your inspiration? Favorite line you wrote for it? How do you feel this piece shows your strengths as a writer?

so ig i'll be talking a bit about my very very niche AU that superimposes the lore of another media onto atla lol ty hotwife for this opportunity luv u 💖

so my most recent fic that i posted just yesterday and is sitting at 19.2k words (help me 🥲) is The Darkened Path, which is the prequel to a fic i wrote one and a half to two years ago, The Dishonored Blade. these two fics are set in an AU that combines the ATLA worldbuilding and characters with the lore of two League of Legends characters. in particular, it centers around Aang and Zuko and deals with themes of regret, shame, guilt, and forgiveness. while "The Dishonored Blade" focuses on Zuko and how he grapples with his guilt over killing Aang, "The Darkened Path" focuses on Aang, his journey through the Spirit World, and how he manages to come back to life.

the number one "inspiration" (nothing short of copying lololol) for the plot of this fic was this animated cinematic, similar to how TDB was derived from another animation. however, the main reason why i was finally motivated enough to write this prequel was because @chocomd read TDB and really enjoyed it. i’ve always wanted to write the prequel for a while now, but then life and other ideas pushed their way to the forefront so i put it on the backburner. not to mention, since this au is really only for me, i was never expecting a lot of engagement on these fics anyways; i’m even surprised i managed to accrue 26 kudos on the first fic. so to see someone enjoy something that i enjoyed as well really helped in terms of motivation and inspiration 🥺

as for my favorite line, i’ll have to add a paragraph preceding it for context:

At some point, he realized, firm arms that could only belong to Sokka had wrapped around him, but this time, it was not to restrain him. This time, it was to hold him. To let him fall apart and break to pieces before he inevitably had to put himself back together. Because that was what the war had made of them.

i think i just really enjoy that last line because in addition to the shameless self-indulgence, it really hits home the stakes of war. because when you’re fighting in a war, there’s no time to grieve properly---you can only let yourself mourn for a brief moment before you had to shake it off and get the job done. i just think that’s really tragic, and that last line really hammers down on that thought.

finally, strengths this piece showcases... i think this fic really shows how i can weave in various themes into something that can be very action-packed and plot-heavy and self-indulgent. in addition, i also think that it shows my ability to be able to write various relationships with different characters, since there are flashbacks that feature Aang’s relationship with Sokka, Toph, Katara, and Zuko individually. also fight scenes, because i really enjoyed writing the fight scenes here lol.

anyways i really did enjoy writing this fic, and while i’m not expecting much in terms of engagement, it’s still thrilling to see a universe i created from my mind have two fics already existing and out there.

thanks for the ask, hotwife!!

[taleof2hearts]

It’s Been Awhile

He seems to no longer even look at Tumblr, or very rarely do I get that excited feeling where I look at His blog and get to see that little green light on. I do get excited seeing it and knowing that He’s been here maybe thinking about me too.

I would understand if maybe He didn’t want to let me know that He was still there. I bought that expensive app so I could look at His IG stories without Him seeing my name. I don’t know why, but He’s lived with her for over a year… they moved in together 6 months before R graduated high school… when I realized that, I just didn’t want to ruin anything or get in the way… I guess I was embarrassed that I still loved Him when He chose someone else, and I didn’t and still don’t want Him to see that I’m still here missing Him. I do not think I’ll ever not be in love with Him.

I wonder how often He thinks of me. There is so much that reminds me of Him. I remember He posted once, « Is this how we are going to spend the rest of our lives?” Well is it? He posted that compass oscillating between 2 directions… I loved it… I understand it… I long to see Him post something similar. Even though I know He won’t. Joliepetite hasn’t posted a thing since Sept (Oh how I miss Under the same Stars or the little star emojis)… that blog kept me feeling like we were still connected through the last girlfriend, but, I have a feeling since I posted publicly the Paris photos that He’ll never post again. I’m sure those were hard for Him to see, but I think His current girlfriend would have felt a ton of comfort seeing them. The last thing that I need is another crazy girlfriend of his thinking I am a threat. So, while I’m longing for any connection with Him, I’m also trying not to embarrass myself by showing Him that I’m still in love with Him and in my head I still talk to Him everyday and the littlest things remind me of Him.

The one post that I keep coming back to is the one that talks about taking risks. Was that about Him, directed towards me or about both of us? He told me that He wouldn’t wait for me. For a long time it seemed like He was actually waiting for me… but, that changed and so close to the end. I view that as a travesty. I was actually thinking that He might call to talk about the future around the time I realized that they had moved in together. When I realized that, I knew that He had chosen her and I had lost Him and that I had fucked up and all my dreams of what our life was going to be were over. I guess in the end, neither of us took the risk.

Regardless of what we’re missing, He seems so happy and I am so happy for Him. His life is perfect. It is what He always wanted it to be. I asked Him 9 years ago, what He would change in His life… He has all of it now. He lives in the perfect location… I love that neighborhood, He has a beautiful girlfriend who likes all of His same things, born outside the US, speaks more than one language, is degreed and can financially support herself…perfect. He no longer pays child support. And now, He posted on my birthday (which did it happen actually ON my birthday???) that He is no longer at that toxic environment of a job. I saw so many times how angry He was after being there. He is in Louisville, Kentucky (I think!!!) training to be a commercial pilot (I think!!!). OMG do I love that. I am so proud of Him and so happy for Him. He’ll have a job that He absolutely loves and is so proud of, because, come on, how sexy is it to say “I’m a pilot” for my job. My heart is just so happy and full for Him and I wish that I could tell Him all of that and buy Him a drink to celebrate Him… but, now it’s been almost two years since He asked me never to contact Him again, and I can’t ever text or call Him again and I know that He won’t. So here we are. I also, can’t help but wonder if that post meant something more. It was posted on my birthday and it says closing the 9 year chapter of His life. I was part of that 9 year chapter almost to the day. I could be reading too much into it… but, then again, when it came to Him, I was always insecure with how He felt about me. Every bone in my body gravitated towards Him… my soul still yurns for Him… I just never believed that He loved me the way that I loved Him… the way that I still love Him.

[transojourner]

Firstly, baby butch Niss in suits and ties!!!!!! 0.0 i might need to learn to draw people just to visualize that holy shit

And some thoughts that were immediately too long for the replies:

as much as i dont remember the specifics of the later parts of the fic, the whole molting like a snake thing makes me think, like, even through whatever point it is that Niss is in the hospital the first (or second?) time, she seems like she both actively doesnt care about what pain and injuries she puts herself through and is actively trying to push herself to the limit and horribly break something. Not something physical, but almost like the way you crack a glowstick and it starts to glow? In the same way like you said Niss wants to just *SNAP* and suddenly be fully her instead of trapped in what sees as a vessel she hates, except in a way that glowstick or whatever was snapped long long ago and left to fade out by Johanna's neglect, Shadi's, well, everything, etc. And in the way the plot seems like its driven at first, especially to someone who gets really invested in like the fight scenes and everything, is that oh, the resolution will come after Niss fights this, or defeats that, or becomes champion, and while yeah there's so much shit she has to deal with, ("90% Shadi's fault" lol) she tries to or at least lets herself feel like she's getting closer and closer to a breaking point that was passed a long time ago and she's really just neglecting and destroying herself. And the real resolution comes from how she approaches the memories she's locked away, how Barry especially really tries to just help her exist as a person, and confronting that self-destrucion she seems to have found some sort of comfort in at the beginning and through a lot of the story. I don't think I appreciated this as much the first read through, especially with where I was at the time, and it definitely is interesting especially to see how much tiny little things Niss says and especially the flashback sequences build up so much in the earlier parts of the story that we just won't confront until shit really hits the fan, like you said in the start of the post. On a different note, its really interesting how angry Niss is all the time and how a lot of that self-loathing and psychological mess that is such a part of her came partially from Shadi, who seems like she's very much the opposite in what she directs her anger at? The one chapter where we flashback to Shadi's time in trainer school makes me wonder if Niss' anger and lack of complacency would have ultimately been directed moreso outwards if Shadi hadn't been there to fuck with her sense of self-worth even more than Johanna's neglect had? And in my head I imagine that Niss wasn't fully like Shadi in school, partially because of her lack of total self-righteousness the way Shadi is, and partially because Barry (and ig Sarah's sternness in the background too) would have been there to just be her friend and talk her down when she was just absurdly nasty to people. But that makes me wonder, would Niss have ended up like along some sort of similar path to Shadi if Barry and Shadi hadn't been there to help and fuck her up, respectively?

Gonna ramble about Inyssa for a little bit.

Is it conceited to make a post about your own character's themes and stuff? Maybe. Whatever.

@inpurpleandred has been rereading and commenting on CoT and some of the stuff they said gave me ThoughtsTM about Niss, so here they are under the cut. It's long, and y'know... warning for all the stuff Niss goes through.

So you know that tumblr post that goes something like 'I'm probably X (trans, queer, bi, etc.) but I got much more pressing shit going on to deal with that at the moment'? That's how I viewed Niss'... everything while writing CoT. Partly because yeah, Niss really has so much shit going on that more urgently requires her attention during much of her story, 90% of it being Shadi's fault of course.

And she does deal with a good amount of it during the fic itself, mostly regarding her own self-worth, her feelings about her family and her own warped view of strength and heroism. And it's only near the end and the epilogue that she can even begin to consider anything else about her life.

And I think in that time, in those years between CoT and my future story, Niss does think about it, and tries things out, experiments and tries to find a place for herself in herself. And she realizes that she both has severe self-image issues and also some gender stuff going on maybe, but they're not actually related.

During much of the fic, Niss sees her body as separate from herself, as early on as the first chapter. It's a form of detachment that allows her to be angry at herself in self-harming ways that -in her head at least- don't clash with her vow to never hurt herself again like she did in the past.

And she is very, very angry at her body. It's a bitterness that keeps boiling under the surface of her skin whenever she's unable to do something she feels like she should. She sees her body as just a thing covering the real Inyssa, and feels like a chick who never got to break out of its shell. And though she tries not to admit it, one of her biggest fantasies is to literally rip herself apart like a molting snake and for the 'real' Inyssa to come out of the dregs, pristine and perfect.

And in a way, it's true, but it's not her fault. It's both Shadi and Johanna's (And Sarah's too, but for different reasons). Who is the most to blame is debatable, but regardless, it's because of them that Inyssa feels this way.

Because yeah, as one of my readers once said, the Dawn family is full of women who are made of stick and stones, but Inyssa takes that to an extreme. There's a chapter where Barry mentions that Niss was once noticeably taller than him, and she was! And she would've continued that trend, eventually growing as tall as Shadi if not taller, if she'd had a normal childhood.

But she didn't. Johanna neglected both of her daughters, and partly because of that -and her own bad tendencies- Shadi ended up doing much worse, especially psychologically, to Inyssa. And then she left. So Inyssa was left severely depressed and gaunt for arguably the most important years in terms of physical growth and development. Johanna says so herself; she practically starved herself, eating only as much to keep herself alive and not doing anything else. And she kept getting worse, and worse, until eventually she attempted suicide. Which, of course, only made the situation worse.

And by the time she was forced to start taking care of herself, it was too late. Her body was frail, and the malnutrition she'd suffered caused invisible scars that stunted her growth for the following years, making Inyssa feel like there was a disconnect between how strong her willpower was compared to her actual body. And so she went on hating said body, cursing it for all her problems because she didn't know who was really to blame.

It's also an endless spiral, because she could've gotten better if she'd taken better care of her body, but why would she, from her own perspective? So she treated her body worse, and it inevitably got worse, so she got even angrier, etc. It's only when she goes on her trainer journey alongside Barry, someone who cares to help her, that she starts getting better. And of course, following the end of the fic and the Epilogue, she's actively trying to eat and sleep more, to treat her body more kindly, like it always tried to do with her.

And it's only then that she has enough time and peace of mind to think about herself, her gender and all that. Now, Niss has always been bi. One of the few good things about Johanna as a mom is that she was unapologetically bi herself, and supported her daughters in learning their own sexual identities, Niss coming out as bi eventually, and Shadi as a lesbian.

After that, I think Niss would happily try new things, whenever she got the time. And though she would keep doing so even years and years after the fact (well into this new Hoenn fic and beyond) from an author perspective I think she'd eventually see herself as a baby butch, a pretty boygirl who loves wearing suits and ties and looking like she's straight out of a visual novel full of bishonen men.

And I love that for her, honestly.

[rescue-ram]

hello pleaseeee i need to know all ur thoughts on bunny/andrew i literally saw the one post u had on them yearsssss ago and i became so invested with the possibilities and i think ur the only other person who is also invested in it? literally every other person ive talked to about the charioteer doesn't get it like not really and theres no content dor ot out there zero nothing idk i think it has sm potential but ig no one else sees it (i think i might be kinda out of it rn bc im just realising this sounds a bit insane but god. i rlly do want to talk about andrew/bunny with wnother person)

Oh my GOD HELLO!!!

So fair warning I am going to go absolutely bananas at you because I have zero faith in my ability to be coherent about this ship, but PLEASE let me know your thoughts on Bunny/Andrew, they started as a laugh but now they're the OTP and I would love to know your thoughts

(Me explaining the layers of Bunny/Andrew)

So insane statement number one: what I love about Bunny and Andrew is how dialectical they are. Pure perfect yin yang of a couple, mirror images in every way.

While Ralph and Andrew are often described this way, I don't think that's entirely accurate- they are actually extremely similar characters, both physically (blonde, light eyed) and in bearing, both are 19 when Laurie first kisses them. But where Andrew is young and seemingly untouched by life's troubles (SEEMINGLY, he is very much touched), his clear eyed pragmatism becomes cynical pessimism in Ralph, who's been beaten, isolated, and damaged.

Where Andrew and Ralph are continuous, bleeding into each other in Laurie's narrative, Andrew and Bunny are polar opposites. Andrew is not consciously gay, pure, virtuous, honest to a fault. Bunny is overtly self-consciously gay, indulgent, gossipy, mean spirited, totally willing to fight dirty. If Andrew is untouchable, Bunny is getting his handprints all over him. And the way they come together!! Although Andrew and Laurie have kissed and begun to talk about things, it's Bunny storming up to Andrew and yelling "I FUCKED YOUR CRUSH WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT" that really makes it real, that brings blood into it. Andrew awakens to his sexual identity through his love for Laurie, but it's jealousy of "Ralph"/Bunny that pulls the trigger!

Just excerpting the part of Andrew's letter that deals directly with Bunny's interaction with him.

I want you to know it is true if he says that when I hit him it wasn’t even self-defense. There is a belief, which I expect he shares, that a pacifist who has behaved like this must see at once his ideas were wrong. I should have thought there could hardly be a better way of proving they were right. But if that were all I had to tell you, of course I could have written days ago.

...Well, about Ralph. He isn’t like I imagined, so I found it hard to picture you and him as great friends. When he told me it was much more than that, I felt—I don’t know a better way of expressing this—as if I’d had an anonymous letter. I got one once, after my Board. It is like something from another world, but it has touched you, and the touch is real. So then he said why did I pretend to be shocked when I was only jealous; and that was when I hit him.

He didn’t hit me back, he just laughed and walked off. He had a right to. I knew before he was even out of sight that there could be only one reason for what I did. What he had said about me was true. He wanted to see what I would do, I suppose, and I did what he expected. But it taught me something. The thing you want to kill is really in yourself. That is why people become cruel in war, because they are doing what I did.

Screaming, howling, recognition of the self through other, etc. Me fighting the sleepies to elaborate on these thoughts, that essentially come down to the lack of animus Andrew holds towards Bunny, despite everything, and the insight suggested here that Bunny's bad behavior is driven more by jealousy, fear, and loneliness then malice.

Anyway anyway ANYWAY the insane Andrew Epic I AM still working on it WILL be done one day has really come to focus on Bunny/Andrew in resolving what does it mean to be faithful?

Ok, so starting at the beginning of the outline- Andrew is working as a stretcher bearer in London during the Blitz. He runs into Bunny, who he still thinks is Ralph, and attempts to reconcile with him. Bunny is still bitter and heartbroken, and continues messing with him, ultimately culminating in Andrew losing his virginity in a very awkward hook up Andrew is wrestling with the very serious question I will purposefully phrase humorously, "How do I have gay sex in a god honoring way?" and Bunny is driven absolutely apoplectic by the perceived hypocrisy of this, and by Andrew continuously coming back to him no matter how catty he gets. As they start to build a real relationship, Bunny starts to realize he's in too deep and worries if he reveals he's not really Ralph Lanyon, Andrew will leave him.

There is a LOT of middle plot I have outlined and partially written- Andrew goes on the front lines with the ambulance service as he writes about and loses contact with Bunny for a time (Bunny gives him a whole song and dance about censors and military intelligence, rather than trying to explain why he can't address letters to Ralph Lanyon), they reconnect after the war and try and make a go of it, but it gets way to real and intense for Bunny, who gets skittish and walks out without telling Andrew anything. Andrew freaks out, fearing that "Ralph" has been arrested or killed, and encounters homophobia when he tries to file a missing person report on his "roommate". After talking with Dave, he goes to serve in a mission hospital in Kenya (fun facts, there are more Quakers in Kenya then anywhere else in the world, and I am actively debating how much to get into about the late colonial atrocities that occured there at this time period).

In 1950ish, Andrew once more runs into Bunny, and is so relieved to see him alive and well that it shocks Bunny, who assumed he'd be furious if they ever saw each other again. Bunny successfully dodges questions, continuing to pass himself off as Ralph- at first justifying it to himself by saying he doesn't want to ruin Andrew's relief or his memories, that he wants to let him down gently this time, etc, but he keeps putting off either breaking off with him or telling him the truth because he likes the escape from being himself, likes the way it feels to be loved by Andrew, tries to pretend he's not in love himself. Bunny is genuinely frustrated by Andrew's increasingly public role as a peace/nuclear disarmament activist, the potential scrutiny it could attract, the judgment he feels compared to Andrew's high moral standards, etc. Andrew is genuinely annoyed with "Ralph"'s caginess, his refusal to commit or meet Andrew's friends or introduce Andrew to his, etc.

In 1960, something genuinely bad happens to Bunny- he's outed in some way and is arrested/fired, I'm working out the details. He has nothing left but the half-life he's been maintaining with Andrew. At this point it comes to a head, and Andrew finds out the truth. He's initially completely broken by the news and is heartbroken and furious that the man he's been in love with for almost 20 years has never once told the truth, has never even told him his name... But then. The reframe. Andrew has always expected things from Bunny, but Bunny just wanted Andrew to be himself. Andrew has been living his own life, regardless of how it made Bunny feel, while Bunny willingly gave up his entire identity to be with Andrew. Is Andrew a hypocrite, or does he love Bunny unconditionally, regardless of who he is or what he's done? Who is really the faithful one, Andrew who has only ever had one lover, or Bunny who kept coming back, trusting in Andrew even though he had no reason to?

As Andrew tries to articulate this, Bunny things he's given his lover a nervous breakdown and sticks him in the bath with a glass of whiskey and calls Alec to calm him down.

At that point they're able to have a real, honest relationship. Andrew brings Bunny to the meeting and comes out- he gets disfellowshipped for his troubles, but takes it sanguinely because "God knows I love you." The notoriety he gets here puts him in touch with "like-minded" Quakers, I have a reconciliation between them, Ralph, and Laurie, it'll be cozy.

But yeah, these are all the thoughts about Bunny/Andrew I can gather tonight. Normal people project normal trauma onto their blorbos, I've got an unpublished word doc that is half gay sex half narrativized commentary on the Letter to the Romans 😂

But please please PLEASE let me know your own thoughts- the TLDR about all this blathering is I love the contrast between Andrew and Bunny, the potential for drama, and how Andrew in canon is most himself when faced with adversity and the natural challenges Bunny would bring would depend and mature his character, while I think Andrew could be an affectionate, patient lover who could be really good for Bunny's insecurities. What do you think could draw these two together??

(Also I headcanon Bunny's name is Barnaby Botts. Horrible name he refuses to go by, Barnaby shortens to Barney shortens to Bunny, AND I initially picked Barnaby just for the connection to Bunny but then I remembered if means the son of comfort or in Greek son of the Paraclete and the part of my brain responsible for drawing insane religious parables all over these two had a field day with that.)

[astrojoy]

OK OK hold up I need to say something about this because this last one weirded me tf out. I'd feel better getting it off my chest

Basically besides my jumbled clutter of psychic skills I have this weird ability to connect to certain souls by accident. Which I didn't plan on saying anything, as yes, the first 2 people are dead and haven't reincarnated yet it seems. However this last person is alive. From what I read online. So I'm sorry it just weirded me out. However I guess it's very possible to connect with souls currently alive. As people do it with their future spouse or friends often already.

I am not posting pictures of them because I don't want to accidentally channel their energy again 💀 my 3rd eye needs to learn when to channel and not apparently 😭

This has happened 3 times so far as said above. All of these individuals being celebrities for some reason? Ig I shouldn't be weird out theyre just souls too 🧍‍♀️

The first one was Jeffree Dahmer (not really a positive well known person)

With this guy I was given 3 really clear visions. I never really knew anything about what he looked like when he was older (I just saw younger pictures when I listened to the true crime stories) so when I saw his adult version in a visions and was like "yo was that him? They looked similar" I searched on google and it was legit the same dude. I'm not gonna describe the 3 visions unless asked because I don't want to elongate this section (the post is mainly about the 3rd one ☺)

The 2nd person was Aaron Burr

I watched hamilton so I know what a lot of people are thinking "you prob just dreamed of the dude from hearing about him" but I need to confess that I didn't really pay attention to history class when I was younger. I didn't even know what the man looked like at all besides the guy who looked nothing like him in the play. Basically long story short, I had a meet up with him in a dream. We were in an old setting, the furniture was wood, the light was dim, we had a candle near us while we talked at the small table in a small room alone. I didn't know who he was until he introduced himself. He then leaned forward and talked for a long time. He then said he needed me to send Alaxander Hamilton a message of how he felt guilty and wanted to apologize (historically he's known for shooting him besides his seat in office) I kinda just didn't say anything the entire dream and listened to him. Which I'm unsure why he can't go do it himself since he's in the astral realm 🤔 did Alaxander reincarnate already or sum'? I looked up pictures of the man (Aaron Burr) online and a certain picture looked exactly like the man in this dream thing. Okok lemme move on.

Then the 3rd person is John Carlos

This experience was the most bizarre which made me to making this post. I'm in American history for my history class and a few days ago (I thinkkk last Sunday?) I was reading my history lessons about civil rights movements. One of the pictures in the lesson was this

The 1968 Olympics Black Power Salute

Let me be clear. I know no one on this picture. I simply glanced at the thing after reading a paragraph on other race movements. Glanced bruh. Well a few days go by. Rn it's Wednesday. This morning I was awoken midway from a dream by my mom who simply was coming in to let the cat in. Anyways the dream was about random people I had never met and some of them somehow brought me clarity but that's not who I'm here to talk about. Well in this 'dream' me and a group of people were sitting down on the ground organized (I don't know why) I had never seen these people before either. Well there was a man to my left. He was African American, older (had some grey hair), glasses and a dark green jacket. There was an African American little boy (he looked about 5 or 6 idk he was adorable tho) anyways, he had on a sports tank top of some kind. He was upset or something? Like he showed some form of disagreement, idk if he was slighty mad, either way he wasn't listening to people or a woman when she was trying to guide him to a different area. I was sitting down, but he was right beside me on the left in between me and this older man. I just watched the commotion for a minute but decided to help and gently grabbed the little boys hand (idk why but he calmed down quickly and listened) and guides him in front of me and the other woman from there took control and guided him off. I am not sure if the kid was the older mans son or not? I just got that vibe in the dream but right now I don't. Idk 😭 The old man smiled brightly and said "thank you!" to me and I smiled back and basically said "no problem" or something. He introduced himself "I'm Carlos" and so I did the same and said "It's _____" while pointing to myself (im hiding name for this post ig idk). The man gave off a sunny laugh after and and a laughed with him. Moving forward to after I woke up, I for some reason had the urge to look his name up online. And at first it didn't work obviously a bunch of Caucasian people showed up 😕. So then I describes the man's race with his name to see if it would help at all. And somehow. It did. I saw a wikipedia page for "John Carlos" and clicked on it. I finally saw the picture they had of the guy they were talking about and GUESS WHAT. IT'S THE SAME GUY. He looked exactly like the man. I then of course wanted to learn about him because who wouldn't in this case. So I scrolled down and clicked on a movement he was in that it mentioned. And the same picture that I posted above was there. I was like 😃 "I briefly saw that exact picture a few days ago" then I wanted to check if the guy is dead or alive and it says he's alive so ☺ hope he's doing ok rn

Ok ima add this to my notes on my Masterlist now for personal recording. Have a nice day people :)

[cafedanslanuit]

[ k i n k t o b e r ]  d a y   21    -   masterlist

↪ character: todoroki shouto [boku no hero]

↪ tags/warnings: +18, female!reader, alcohol usage, stolen kisses, cheating (reader helps to cheat ig), passionate sex, slight angst

↪ a/n: the idea came to me while listening to ‘the winner takes it all’ by abba ~

Why are you here?

You finished the drink in your hand, feeling the vodka burning down your throat. You watch Todoroki greet the other guests and you want to yell at him to leave. Leave, leave, leave, fucking leave. It wasn’t enough that he had ruined your small party, now he had the audacity to appear.

Leave, leave, leave.

Go back to your fiancée.

The day had started out great. You had been promoted at the agency, and were told you would get your own sidekicks. Beaming with happiness, you agreed when Denki offered to organize a small office party, proud of your achievements. While your boss, the main hero of the agency looked for a bottle of champagne for the celebratory brindis, you excused yourself to go to the bathroom for a bit. On your way there, you checked your phone, almost dropping it when the first post that appeared on your timeline was a photo of an engagement ring on Momo’s hand.

You read her post, saying how happy she was that it was exactly a year after they had started dating. Had it already been a year? You swallowed thick and kept looking at the photo, which Todoroki had obviously liked. He probably had posted something similar. You wouldn’t know, having blocked him from your social media a while ago, when their couple photos became too much to handle.

You shouldn’t have stopped trying. It had been a fight-- a stupid fight if you had to be honest. A miscommunication that shouldn’t have happened. You waited for him to apologize and he did the same. Days became weeks, and not too long after you heard whispers about him dating a girl from his school. But it was just a rebound, right? You would find your way back together again. You were sure.

You were.

Denki found you standing in the hallway, eyes lost on your phone. He took it from you, his eyes widening when he saw Momo’s post. Knowing your past history with Todoroki, he tried to comfort you, but you just nodded and followed him back to the office, putting on your best hero smile.

And now he was at the party. Why?

You stopped counting the times you poured more straight vodka to your cup. When you saw Todoroki approaching you, you made a beeline around him and entered the small kitchen in the office. You rested your hands on the sink and took a deep breath, doing your very best to calm the dizziness on your head from walking so fast. 

A few minutes later, you heard someone coming inside, so you turned around with your hero smile. The moment you saw the half red and white hair, it dropped from your face.

“I wanted to congratulate you for--”

“What are you doing here, Todoroki?” you spat. He frowned.

“I came to congratulate you--”

“No, don’t bullshit me,” you said with a dry laugh. Looking at the kitchen door, you closed it, trying to avoid any prying eyes from your coworkers. “Don’t bullshit me, why aren’t you with your girlfr-- no, my bad! Your fiancée, why don’t you go back to her?” you asked, the liquor on your head making all the hurt that had been accumulating inside your heart turn into harsh words.

Todoroki stayed in silence, eyes fixated on yours. He parted his lips but no words came out. The silence between the both of you seemed to last an eternity, only the music coming from the office filling the gap. You took another look at him, at his black shirt and dark jeans and missed him. Your body craved for his touch, not having been this close since the night he left your apartment. The night you let him go.

You weren’t aware of the tears streaming down your face until Todoroki had cupped your face with his hands and was trying to wipe them off with his thumb. Your whole body started trembling at the contact and even more tears ran down your cheeks.

“I was a fool,” you whispered. Todoroki just kept trying to dry off your cheeks. “I thought-- I thought things would fix themselves and they didn’t. And now I get I was a fool, I’m so sorry, Shouto,” you whimpered. “I’m sorry I didn’t push harder, I’m sorry I let you go because I miss you so much. Every day, every night, I miss you so much.”

Todoroki’s eyes widened a bit at your words, but remained silent again. His hands were still on your face, but he was no longer trying to stop your crying. You put your hands over his and smiled softly at how familiar it felt.

“Does she kiss like I used to kiss you?” you whispered. You laughed softly at your own words and shook your head. “Don’t-- don’t answer that. I understand how it is. I understand I was the one that let you go. So, just… just this once, Shoto, I just…”

You surprised both him and yourself by pressing your lips against his. But it felt like home, even if it wasn't supposed to be like this, even if he was already a lost cause. You pulled away, face flushed in embarrassment, but immediately felt his hand pulling you from the back of your head again. Todoroki kissed you intensely, his hand clasped around your hair. Soon enough, both your arms were around his neck and your body pressed against him, kissing him back.

A loud crash made you pull away, and by the laughs of your coworkers, it seemed someone had broken a liquor bottle. You looked back at your ex, the reality of your situation dawning on you. You wiped the trace of your lipstick from his lower lip and gave him a small smile.

"Sorry," you muttered, before turning back and leaving. This time, he was the one that let you go. Denki looked at you questioningly, his eyes darting from you to Todoroki. 'We just talked', you mouthed to him and he nodded, before taking your hand and pulling you to the dance floor.

-----

Three knocks on your apartment door were enough to wake you up. You looked at your phone and saw it was already 3 am. The party had lasted until midnight and then you had taken a cab to your place. Two glasses of water and an advil were enough to send you to sleep.

Someone knocked again and you groaned, forcing yourself to get up from your bed. Putting on a robe, you walked to your front door. You wished you hadn't the moment you saw the same half red half white hair and mesmerizing eyes looking back at you.

"... Todoroki, it's 3 am," you yawned. He stayed in silence and you rolled your eyes. "Seriously, I need to get some sleep, I am really tired."

"I came because I can't stop thinking about earlier," he confessed in a neutral tone. Your head snapped back to him, your eyes wide open and lips slightly parted.

"What d--" your sentence was cut short by Todoroki entering your apartment and kissing you on the lips. As if it were a drug, you kissed him back without restraint, not caring how loudly he shut the door behind him. In a few seconds he was carrying you, your legs hooked around his waist as the kiss continued, rough, desperately and filled with more passion than you had felt in the last year.

Your back hit the couch, and memories of laying with Todoroki after a long day of work or watching a movie together right in the same spot came to your mind. You pulled him closer, your legs still wrapped around his waist as your fingers worked to open his shirt. Todoroki got rid of it along with your robe quickly and let his hands wander underneath your pajamas. You let out a sigh when he closed his hands around your breasts. Was it delusional for you to have missed his touch this bad? You always joked that your body was made for him, but feeling his hands match exactly the size of your breasts only reinforced the idea. You took off your pajama top and threw it to the floor. Todoroki’s skin felt hot against yours, almost burning as he took a couple of seconds to look at you.

“I missed you,” you whispered. He smiled softly and kissed you softly, his lips grazing yours for the longest time, as if he wanted to make sure you were real.

“I missed you too,” he replied against your mouth. You drank the chuckle that followed and pulled him back for another kiss as you fumbled with his pants, who made their way to the floor along with the rest of your clothes.

Todoroki’s hand travelled between your legs, his fingers sliding between your wet folds. The moans coming from your mouth became louder as he pushed two fingers inside, feelings your walls tightening around him. He used his free hand to cradle your face, his eyes set on yours as you whimpered under his touch. His thumb drew circles around your clit and your moans started sounding like his name, like a soft prayer, like a welcome home.

Moments later, Todoroki was pushing his cock inside of you, and even if he had taken his time preparing you, the stretch burnt, making you remember how long it had been since the last time he made love to you. This time, you held his head between your hands, foreheads pressed together as he moved his hips against yours at a controlled pace, as if he were getting to know you all over again. You tried to match him with your hips, making him groan against your lips.

Todoroki kissed you and increased his rhythm. His lips devoured you passionately, his tongue dancing with yours as he thrusted in and out. His body knew you so well, it felt like it was claiming it back. It felt familiar, it felt safe, as if you didn’t need anything else to enjoy intimacy with you. Even if you had experimented different kinks with him the years you had been together, somehow it all went back to him. It never was the heterochromic eyes or the toned arms you tried to find in other people. It was never looking for men who were also dominant in bed or the quiet ones.

It was just Shouto. The one thing missing was always him.

It doesn’t take long for him to take you over the edge, and he follows shortly after, breath hitching against yours. Todoroki attempts to pull out, but your legs wouldn’t let him.

“Stay,” you whispered weakly and he nodded, pressing a soft kiss on your lips before resting his head on your chest.

Once his head is out of the way, you’re able to see your apartment once again. On the window in front of you, you can see the sun is going to rise any moment, yet all you think about is staying a bit longer with him. Maybe going out for breakfast to the old diner Shouto liked, and going for a stroll until--

Your eyes stop at the door, and the memory of him leaving a year ago comes back to your mind. Furrowing your eyebrows, you look back and see him lying with his eyes closed and calmed respiration. He was there. He came back. That had to mean something, right?

… It had to.

You caressed Shouto’s hair strands and he smiled softly, eyes fluttering as he looked back at you.

"Shouto…" you whispered, a knot forming on your throat. He took the hand you had on his hair and squeezed it gently.

"Hmm?"

"Shouto… you should go home."

This is my home, you yearned for him to say. I’m home, or maybe another way of him showing you how much you meant to him. How much he was willing to give up to be back in your arms for good.

You wanted desperately to know if your apartment was still a home for Shouto, if he still wanted to build something with you. Because if he did, if he really saw you as his home, then maybe you could--

Todoroki pulled out of you, ignoring the small gasp that left your lips. He stood up and quickly started dressing up, his back turned to you. You closed your eyes, but it still wasn't quick enough to not let a tear fall down your face. Even if you were quick at wiping it off, he never once looked back, not even before he disappeared behind your apartment front door.

Your ragged breath and whimpers emerged only once you thought he was far enough, covering your body with the robe that was laying next to you.

It still smelt like him.

You still smelt like him.

---

Todoroki looked at himself on the elevator mirror, trying to fix his hair the best he could, even if he didn't think he would run into anyone in the middle of the night.

'You should go home'.

Your words echoed inside his mind, as he kicked himself for not understanding it sooner. You had been clear enough for him to understand that wasn't his home anymore. It didn't matter how much you had just trembled beneath him, or the way you had looked at him with what he thought was love as he buried himself into you. He had fucked up, he had fucked up by leaving his true home more than a year ago, and now there wasn't a place for him anymore. He understood. He had to understand.

Even if it took him his entire life.

[powerosewaterpuff]

yo ,i remember a post about sort of reverse batfam , between jason and dick , can you do the headcanons about under the red hood please

yes yes yes yes yes and another yes to top it all off. i really really love the idea, and i love under the red hood in general so thank u so much for suggesting this :) like i spent all day brainstorming (probs shoulda been studying but shhhhh) diff headcanons so i’m pretty excited to write it out. also so the timeline with this is a little tight ig?? i really wanted to include tim as bruce’s new sidekick with dick in the middle of his fallout with bruce but again a lil too tight so we’re just gonna have rebellious dick for now and i also haven’t watched death in the family so i’m basing this purely off of under the red hood :) (oh and fuck dick’s hair in the movie oh my god i’m ignoring that it even exists i’m so sorry)

dick is 17 on the cusp of hitting 18 and he’s so fucking sick of batman. every conversation of theirs was leading to a screaming match where each one tries to push their opinion as fact. it was getting messy and soul crushing at this point, and dick hated it. the rising action of it all was dick getting fired from robin, a role he hadn’t even been formally granted by batman yet he felt it in his power to strip him of it. he felt like a pawn in a chess game that gambled his identity and being off of the mind numbing mantra of be better. do better. faster. punch harder. follow orders. be better be better better. and dick was sick of it, so he shed the robin uniform. swallowing it like a bitter pill because he was forced to do so. but nightwing was giving him clarity as of late. the sheer rush, brilliance and exuberance of it all reminded him of when flying was a much simpler task.

however, dick had an annoyingly unwavering loyalty to protecting bruce’s (less batman then bruce. bruce was his father. batman was not. yet nowadays the man himself was forgetting who exactly was the secret identity and who the real person was.) safety and well-being, even if it meant risking another shouting round. so, once dick catches wind of batman’s whereabouts for the night, he decides to help him with Amazo etc., and dick cant help but realize how well they still mesh together when it comes to fighting. the talking part however, did not come naturally anymore. (it used to. it used to be so much easier)

now bruce, is attempting his best to keep dick out of the loop. he knows dick will furious. and dick’s temper is something not many can tame, but bruce would take the risk. he’d rather dick spit on his memory then be dead in his arms (just like jason was, blown to bits when he should’ve been in his room. safe. sleeping after studying for some test not fighting crime with him in the underbelly of Gotham city, or getting dragged along bruce’s self induced fight with the world.)

dick, of course, does not appreciate this and can very easily tell the bruce is trying to get him off the case. dick doesn’t appreciate that in the slightest, and it only makes him want to push more. to fight bruce on every detail and demand he be apart of this because that’s the only way he can get anywhere with him. it was fair to say, that the interrogation with the joker he had to force bruce into taking him too, wasn’t exactly pleasant. he watches, leaning back against the wall as batman has joker by the neck. some part of him hates himself for not being upset about this, like he’s failing his moral code in some way. but he ignores that half, and tries not to feel angry as bruce doesn’t choke joker out like the rat he is. dick wished, in the darkest parts of his mind, that he could burn joker alive, just to watch in vengeful satisfaction that the man who stole his brothers breath wither in pain. ( and watch that fucking laugh die out)

now, the confrontation goes quite similar. except dick is noticing these little things that resemble jason too much it be a coincidence. too much. he knows how jason fights, he’s sparred with him for years and used to spend countless nights in his room trying to emulate his older brothers swift and hard hitting movements in front of his mirror. he always wished he could hit as hard as jason, as dicks strength at the time was his inhuman flexiblity and professional acrobatic skills. now, when he and batman are against the red hood, fuck it doesn’t feel right to dick. it’s all too similar. it wasn’t even the bigger moves that caught his attention but the little moves in stance that screamed at him that it was his brother. he kept shutting the idea down, because if it was possible dick would have made it happen. he would’ve.

dick gets hurt in the aftermath, but bruce must be a fucking comedian if he thinks it’s going to stop him. they get into another argument, bruce talking him down to nothing and dick frustrated that bruce couldn’t see that he’s been doing this for too long to be lectured on it, and that bruce wasn’t atlas. he wasn’t responsible for the world being held up between his two hands. it simmers down to loud silence, like it always does and dick hobbles out. leaning slightly on alfred.

bruce’s hunch is eating him alive. devouring his soul and heart with a satisfying crunch, not sparing crumb. with the revelation that his son could be alive, and the Red Hood of all people, one of the first thoughts that run through his mind is that he could not tell dick. dick could never know, and will never know. it was a hushed promise, one kept inside his chest, locked like all of his unspoken words. it would crush dick, just like it was crushing bruce now. (or maybe it was because if bruce was on the fence about breaking his moral agenda, he knows that dick would hurdle over that fence. he hates that he knows this but he does. dick wears a bleeding heart on his sleeve for his family, especially for jason. this is the same boy that was set on killing zucco all those years ago before jason and him had stopped it.)

(jason’s tasting bitter green as he mulls over why the fuck dick was there. that little idiot was supposed to be at home. safe. not carrying out bruce’s destructive agenda of self proclaimed justice. he didn’t know whether to be mad at bruce or dick. because of course bruce encouraged this shit, eager to force another child soldier into the suit and send him out to die. but God, did it hurt that dick had taken bruce’s side over his even if he didn’t know it was jason. and that stung like a motherfucker. his little brother, whose fond memories were becoming hazed in a cloud of viridecent smoke, had picked bruce’s side. a little part of himself though, shy and hesitant, whispered that he had hurt dick. he had hurt his little brother and he couldn’t justify it no matter how vengeful he was. but he shoved that part aside, trying to ignore its desperate murmurs as they told him that every time he looked at nightwing or whatever the fuck his new name was, he saw his eight year old little brother smiling up at him).

dick knows that bruce thinks he’s covering his tracks well. he is but dick knows bruce, better then bruce thinks he does. so dick is slowly beginning to formulate a hunch of his own, as he spends countless nights rubbing his formerly injured leg and wondering if he really did everything he could’ve to save jason. if there was something he missed. it’s starting to gnaw away at him, until realization settles into his chest after snooping through bruce’s files. then, he’s dashing to get into uniform, giving a breathless and hasty apology to alfred. itsjasonitsjasonitsjasongogogorunrunrun

batman. red hood. bruce. jason. father. son. bruce cannot stomach the vigor in jason’s words and jason’s heart is giving out at the fact that his father won’t do this for him. to end that pathetic excuse of a fucking life, one that’s stolen from so many people, but it still wasn’t up to his moral standards limit. was jason not enough to warrant a sacrifice for the greater good. (was jason’s desperate need to feel safe of that walking nightmare not worthy to overtake any mission)

it happens in a rush. dick is swinging up to the building, the blood pumping through his ears drowning out the screams of his chest. the joker tackles batman as the timer tick tick tick’s away numbingly. suddenly, dick has kicked the joker off and has one hand over his neck while the other smothers itself over his mouth and nose. why didn’t he do this before? why didn’t he kill the thing before? it didn’t even deserve to be called human, so why would any moral standards apply to a human based code. if batman wanted to be the whole representer of pure justice, fine. he could do that. dick wasn’t though. he was going this kill piece of shit then never let go of jason as long as he lived.

suddenly, there’s a pull at the back of dick’s uniform and at the corner of his eye he catches sight of jason being pulled by bruce as well and he’s just about to call out for him when the next thing he knows a blast rockets through his ears and the world goes black.

jason was no where to be found. and bruce ends up having to shove dick into the batmobile before he lunged after the joker, after realizing jason was missing and that the joker was still alive and kicking. the argument that insues? isn’t pretty. in fact it’s their worst. dick had spun around and asked bruce, ‘who are you? batman or bruce? because im not talking to batman, i want to hear why bruce couldn’t do the one thing his son needed! i want to know why bruce thought it was going to be beneficial not to fucking tell me that my brother-Bruce, he’s my brother! that he was alive, because you thought I was gonna pull shit like this? look at that! the exact thing you tried to avoid happened, you know why? because you cannot trust me, and it blew up in your face!’

it goes on. and on. and on. there’s no resolution, or admittance to what happened. bruce simply shuts himself down, stating this wasn’t changing anything. there was a then and a now, one in which bruce harbours enough guilt to crush his shoulders.

there’s a stony resolution in dick’s voice after bruce tells him to get out with more finality to it then he’s ever said it before, when he says, “fine. batman.”

(jason replays it over and over again in his head. the batarang. bruce turning his back to him. the jokers screechy laugh eating at his mind. eruptions of pain from the crowbar. again. again. again. and dick. smothering the joker. a steely resolve in his brothers eyes he never wanted to see but was secretly glad for. it replays like a broken film in his head, cutting and chopping but creaking out the same tune.)

AHHH OK SO i def wanted to do so much more with this ugh but i really wanted it done td so excuse just how unpolished it is, i might go back with some new ideas in it, but i like where i ended it off. this is more or less the ‘detachment’ phase in dick’s relationship with bruce, as hes nearing the end of high school and cannot do this with bruce anymore (oh college is a whooole other ordeal hehe) but i think dick would be better to tim then what he canonically was to jason. (also because dick is totally not on a mission to get his brother back at all costs and fix this family, nope. not at all.), and i think dick just has a lot more anger in this too? and bitterness here ig? just because he had lost his parents, then his brother essentially, and had to deal with being the emotional support to bruce who was falling apart. it’s a heavy load, and dick is absolutely still himself, just when it comes to jason and the joker as well as his family in general, i think he has a lot more anger as well as less control yk? (oh also i have him less in blüdhaven in this lil thing just bc like he’s still in highschool and is in this weird phase with bruce that hes fired etc., but is now yk fully going into the, ‘i’m not speaking to you anymore’ part. SOO THATS IT FOR THAT THANK YALL SO SOOOO MUCH FOR READING UR KINDA ALL THE BEST TBH AND TYSM FOR THE SUGGESTION AGAIN THIS WAS HELLA FUN :)!!

[kac-90]

Personal Post

So I’ve never posting anything on here before, I’ve only ever like, comment, and reblog things, but an experience I had on here this morning made me feel hurt and wrongfully accused so I decided I needed to make this post so that I could move on from it.  I know I don't have that many followers so I’m sure no one will actually see this, but this is mostly for me and maybe one person will read it and it will make them think for a moment. I know that right now we are all dealing with this Armie situation in our own ways that we all come into it with our own past experiences and those experience are what determine how we see things. So onto the point of this post; this morning I was DMing with someone, I won't name names because that’s not the point of this post, but they mentioned they had watch CMBYN last night and were happy that this whole mess hadn't affected their enjoyment of the film. I mentioned that I tried watching it a little while ago and had to turn it off about 5 minutes in, I also went on to say that I haven't been able to watch anything with Armie in it, including the new Crisis trailer, since this whole thing started. I didn't mention this in my DM conversation, but truth be told I even find myself scrolling past post with picture with Armie in them. The thing is, I DO NOT think he's guilty of the horrible things he's been accused of, but when I see him right now I often can’t help but picture him doing the awful things that Effie has accused him of. The person I was talking to said well stop reading Effie’s messages and just read what’s posted on here that’s what they do and they can still enjoy his work. The thing is I don’t follow Effie anywhere I do only read what’s posted on here, as well as, what’s posted on one IG account so their point was sort of useless. To make an already too long story short, I explained my situation, how myself and a couple of friends who have confided in me have been in similar situation to some of what Effie described, nothing quite so horrific or BDSM related, but similar enough and that was why I was struggling with watching these things. They then mentioned that Crisis isn’t about any of the things he’s been accused of doing and that I should just watch the trailer because the movie looks good. Then after all of this they accused me of basically being two faced, posting one thing on my blog and saying something completely different in my DMs; that I supported him in public and was against him in private. They then went on to unfollow and block me. They obviously have the right to follow or not follow who ever they want, but the accusations hurt. So, if you managed to get to the end of this you're probably wondering ok what’s her point? The point of this post was to say that none of us know what other people, have or, are going through, I can show support for Armie on my blog, but still be struggling with the situation behind the scenes because of my own personal experiences. Just because seeing him right now makes me picture him doing all the horrible things he's been accused of doesn’t mean I actually think he's capable of doing them, its just my brain’s way of processing all of this. We all deal with things in our own ways, I know that my ways are different than other peoples, but I don’t think that makes them better or worse, or more or less valid, just different. So to end this off I think we all need to accept the different ways that each of us are dealing with this very complicated situation and not attack or accuse someone of things just because they are feeling differently than you are or dealing with things in a different way. 

[lightsandlostbells]

wtFOCK season 3, episode 4 reaction

Kiss kiss fall in love? More like kiss kiss stay away from me.

I have to warn you. This is the episode where I lost it. I had to go back and edit so much unhappy capslock out of my notes. 

Episode 4

Clip 1 - Het drama again

Zoë shows Milan a video of the shooting prank. Milan asks about romance on the trip, Robbe says there were too many people and too little privacy.

Senne and Zoë have tension because Zoë is pissed that Senne was partying? And that he was posting pictures of parties on IG when she wasn’t there? I mean … look, I’m never a William fan, but this seems like Zoë’s problem. If you can’t trust him to behave when you’re gone, you SHOULDN’T BE WITH HIM. And if you feel like you can trust him, this dude going to bars or whatever shouldn’t bother you. At least it seems to be portrayed as Zoë’s issues. Milan mentions that she’s jealous. He seems to like Senne, and I do find that dynamic cute so far.

I do appreciate that the Noorhelm drama this time is boring and not like “Senne was mad about how Zoë handled her sexual assault” levels of offensive.

That being said ... Robbe’s story. Where.

If you’ve been telling a very tight story so far, where Robbe’s personal journey has been steadily progressing clip by clip, then a clip like this wouldn’t be that bad. We absolutely have not been watching a tight story. Even with the next clip of Robbe doing some introspection, I’m like ... can we not make every scene count toward his story when there’s so much catching up to do? Ten seconds of Robbe looking vaguely troubled out of a two-minute clip that’s mainly about Zoë and Senne’s relationship does not count. A better writer would find some way to make Zoë/Senne parallel to Robbe/Sander, like how Noora talking about William and “if he loves you, he’ll choose you” in the first clip of episode 4 is relevant to Isak sitting there texting Even and Even choosing his plans with Sonja over Isak.

Clip 2 - Milan and Robbe talk gaydar

Robbe checking out Sander on Britt’s IG … finally, some cyberstalking. Did he take a screenshot of a pic of Sander? Lol.

Milan sits down and asks Robbe his opinion of a guy on Grindr, sexy or not? Robbe is lukewarm, giving neutral answers, Milan says he’s allowed to have an opinion on whether a guy is hot or not.

It feels SO WEIRD to have this clip so late, and I’m trying to like … recalibrate my brain so it’s not just because it’s later than usual. I don’t inherently hate if a remake changes up the order of clips. But the problem is that we’re now FOUR episodes in and it feels like Robbe’s sexuality crisis has just begun, I guess? Or rather, efficient storytelling would start out with this clear view of what Robbe’s issues are, rather than muddling into it a few episodes in.

Milan’s all, this guy says he’s not gay, but he likes to blow guys. This turns into a conversation about Milan’s gaydar and how to know if a guy is gay. In the original scene, the purpose of this conversation with Isak and Eskild was there as a way of Isak figuring out if Even was gay. That ... does not really fit this version, because this clip is so late in the season. Isak was getting Eskild’s wisdom right after meeting Even, when he had nothing but a BJ reference to go on. But Sander eyefucking Robbe while kissing Britt and leaning in to kiss Robbe should be pretty big clues to Robbe that Sander likes men, no? And that he likes Robbe specifically. Yeah, Robbe might be doubtful because Sander is still with Britt, but nothing new has happened since the almost kiss to make Robbe doubt! It would make way more sense if they’d adapted the opening clip of OG season 4, with Even texting Isak that he had plans with Sonja, into the clip prior to this one. If Robbe had texted Sander an invitation to hang out, or even just a “hey, what’s up?” and Sander wrote back “plans with Britt” then it would be an understandable transition for Robbe to have some doubt about Sander’s sexuality in this clip, like hey, maybe he’s not actually into me, after all.

The scene might make sense if you think about Robbe listening and applying Milan’s words to himself. Thinking about how there’s “something trapped in them that desperately wants to come out.” Wondering if it’s obvious to other people that Robbe is gay. It still doesn’t quite work and I actually doubt that was their intention (I think it was all about how to detect if Sander is into guys) but I am searching for any scraps of Robbe introspection, so.

OK, at least they had Robbe immediately look up Grindr (I laughed that he searched “grinder”). Good! Sexuality conflict! Why is it so late! Although it was probably more about trying to find Sander rather than a personal move on Robbe’s part.

This is a very gay song, btw (I Like Boys by Todrick Hall). 

Clip 3 - Robbe and Yasmina talk het drama

Aaron talks to Robbe about sitting close to his teacher to see her boobs and the teacher saying she knows why he’s sitting there. I highly suspect this is just a dream Aaron had, unless the teacher said it in a pissed off way. Throw his ass in the back row, big-breasted teacher!

Robbe meets up with Yasmina. Yasmina wants to know the dirt from the seaside, Robbe fills her in. Soooo are they good friends, or what? He tells her about Aaron and Amber and they laugh and stuff. I mean it’s cute and all but like … where is this coming from? Did they become great friends in the S2 that I didn’t watch?

And that’s the whole clip … again, I ask what was the point? 

To establish that Robbe and Yasmina are friends? Way to undermine the development and importance of that relationship by basically cutting through the buildup and hard work to the payoff. Sana and Isak meant more to people BECAUSE they started off prickly and grew to like each other and respect each other via their actions and words, right? That their conversations were more interesting because of their opposing views and resulting friction? That the friction was extremely relevant to the religion discussion?

Was the point to talk about Aaron/Amber and how Amber supposedly isn’t interested? We don’t need Yasmina’s commentary on that at all since we could see how Amber herself reacted to Aaron. Like if Yasmina was all, yeah, Amber couldn’t stop talking about Aaron, she says she doesn’t like him but I think she does, then I guess I could see the relevance of this conversation since it’s “new” information ... but it’s just the same shit we already know. And again: why spend so much time on a SIDE HET ROMANCE during a gay character’s season? Two of out three clips in this episode so far have been about side het romances!

This clip was just not needed at all except to set up Robbe and Yasmina so the impending religion conversation feels mildly less like two characters who have barely spoken on screen suddenly have an intense and somewhat personal talk. Something they could have done in earlier episodes instead of the other repetitive, unnecessary clips they’ve done this season. 

Clip 4 - Dance chicks

At Noor’s dance performance, Robbe’s pals are drooling over the performers (and honestly being rather inappropriate and distracting). At least they got Robbe’s lack of interest right. Even though they have established this FIFTEEN THOUSAND TIMES with the lack of interest in Noor, like this clip almost doesn’t feel necessary at this point! If they’d had it earlier in the season, sure, but now it feels redundant. Like we really super mega get it by now that Robbe’s not into the girls.

The instructor thanks the performers at the end and Robbe says that he was “so gay.” Hey, except you know what? THERE IS NO BUILDUP TO THIS MOMENT. ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NONE. Except for the homophobic jokes from his friends in the previous seasons, but there’s nothing I can recall in this season.  But more importantly, Isak’s similar comment was prompted by him taking the gay test in a preceding clip. Taking a quiz about generalizations of gay people, rooted in homophobia! Which Isak applies to the dance teacher! In order to distance himself from being gay! WE GOT NONE OF THAT HERE. For fuck’s sake.

There is no setup or reason why Robbe goes from being somewhat neutral about gay people with Milan asking him about the Grindr dude two clips ago - where Robbe is just kinda like, yeah OK, whatever, you think everyone’s gay, Milan (but he’s not overly grossed out or homophobic) - to this moment where he’s making a derogatory comment about a person he perceives as flamboyantly gay. This scene just happens because it did in OG. And the thing is, obviously you can attribute Robbe’s reasoning here to internalized homophobia. We know internalized homophobia exists and why he has it. But this is a scripted narrative, and any scripted narrative needs to have things happen for a reason rather than just because.

I remember complaining that Skam Italia had a bizarre take on this scene. But that’s nothing compared to the laziness on display here.  

Jens is like WTF at Robbe’s “so gay” comment, it’s clear he’s not feeling it. I do like that Robbe gets defensive when Jens scoffs at him. They ask Robbe why he’s such a downer lately and if it’s because of his dad, or because of the Vlogs. Robbe blames the vlogs and yells and walks off, they’re confused.

Lol I just realized that I don’t think there was any followup to the prank from the seaside trip that had Robbe all pissed off. Nothing to show that the boys reconciled or that Robbe didn’t get over it right away.

I have a big problem with the way the boy squad is characterized so far, and it might be because they come across as more self-absorbed than other boy squads, as well as having a more superficial bond. I feel like so far they’re a rather cynical take on teenage boyhood. Again, not expecting them to be perfect or to be overly mature, but this show has to do a lot of work to make me believe they have the empathy or maturity to deal with Robbe’s situation kindly. (EDIT from the future: lol)

Clip 5 - Robbe and Yasmina talk religion

Oh shit, somehow I didn’t connect that dots that Aaron mentioning the teacher’s boobs would lead to THE boob teacher making an appearance! Unless there are multiple teachers with notable breasts at this school.

Another scene of Robbe not interested in breasts ... I mean, not to sound like a broken record, but this would have been good about three episodes ago.

The teacher is talking about religion and Darwininsm and creationism, which prompts Robbe to complain about how people still have religious beliefs in 2019.

Heavy fucking sigh. Have we gotten ANY religious moments from Robbe’s mom this season? Or from anyone else? Do the writers realize that Isak grilling Sana about religion was prompted by his OWN MOTHER’S religious beliefs and his fear of her judgment of his sexuality? No? Not surprised.

For real, Robbe just complains about religion out of nowhere … and like, obviously religious homophobia isn’t a rare thing, it exists. But it has not been established why Robbe in particular cares about the effects of religious homophobia, compared to say, the casual homophobia of his friends, or gay stereotypes, or gay bashing … we don’t know why religious homophobia has PERSONAL relevance in Robbe’s life. And yes, this is a concern for every gay person! But from a STORYTELLING perspective, there should be some focus as to what Robbe’s main fears are about being gay. Lack of acceptance from his peers? His family? Religion? Violence? Homophobic slurs?

I would say based on previous seasons, the most compelling basis for Robbe’s internalized homophobia would be the homophobic attitudes of his friend group. A revised take on the dance chicks scene might have been done with this in mind, but it wasn’t, and so it’s all just very muddled. 

Anyway, Robbe goes on this tangent and asks Yasmina why she believes in God. The teacher voices what I thought and is like, why the fuck are you talking in class?

Again, there is NO BUILDUP to the involvement of religion at all. They have this shoehorned in friendship, I guess so he can ask her. He does bring up homosexuality at least, and how religion is so black and white.

Yasmina asks him what he believes. ONE THING they got right: they had Robbe challenge Yasmina on an intellectual level, and so Yasmina challenges him on an intellectual level right back. Because a lot of their dialogue is lifted right from OG, that’s why it works. LMAOOOO. Yasmina points out that homosexuality is an evolutionary “dead end” so therefore it can’t be genetic, so what is it? A disorder? A choice? I will also give some credit for her invoking the most anxiety-causing options to get under Robbe’s skin.

But the tone of their friendship does come across very different, because in the previous scene they seemed like good chums who had a rapport, and here it’s like Robbe lashed out at her for no reason, even less than Isak did with Sana, because Robbe just decided to torch his friendship with Yasmina out of the blue. I guess the answer is that Robbe is cranky so he decided to grill Yasmina over religion, but again, the fucking question is: why was he cranky? Two clips before this one they were on warm, friendly terms. In the last clip, he lashed out at his male friends, but that has nothing to do with religion. What the writers are asking us to do is basically just imagine all the stuff that’s happening in Robbe’s brain instead of doing their jobs and showing it to us. You don’t have to spoon feed us but you don’t also get to stick a few peas on a plate and wonder why we’re going hungry.

(REALLY. IT WAS NOT PROMPTED BY ANYTHING, NOT A TEXT FROM HIS MOM. WHICH IS WHY ISAK WAS UPSET AND LAUNCHED HIS INTERROGATION AT SANA.)

(CAUSE AND EFFECT, MOTHERFUCKER)

Clip 6 - Bowie playlist

Robbe is doing homework when Sander sends him a Bowie playlist. Robbe listens to Space Oddity and has a brief Moment. It’s very nice but wow, wouldn’t it be even better if Robbe fell for Sander listening to that? Say, in the last episode? Before they almost kissed? And before Robbe was suddenly declaring himself a Bowie expert to Noor?

Sander calls him, I like Robbe fixing his hair before he answers. It’s a video chat, gotta look his best! They have an actual conversation about Bowie and they flirt. Sander invites Robbe to the cafe later and Robbe is happy except then Britt is in the background and apparently she’s going with them, so it’s not a date after all, oh no. Robbe’s actor is good at subtly conveying his disappointment here.

Robbe hangs up and sticks his head against the bed (lol) and then goes back to Grindr. He immediately gets messages for horny sex and then gets rid of Grindr. 

At first I was like, yay, this clip had a clear point and a sense of cause-and-effect, but now I’m like ... ehhhhh. Because the purpose of Robbe checking out Grindr is either A) so he can look for Sander or B) so he can check it out as a general way of exploring his sexuality (or both). The suggestion is that it has a lot to do with the former, because it was part of Milan’s advice as to how to find out if someone’s gay. But it’s a little weird here, because Robbe just saw that Britt was coming along to the cafe, so he should be discouraged about Sander. I mean, I think it’s still possible that he’s trying to figure out if Sander likes him because he’s getting mixed signals between the playlist and Britt, but it’s just a little off. And as for option B, I’m not sure why now of all times is the best time for that, like if you think about it, the sting of getting his hopes dashed should be the predominant emotion here, would he go straight to Grindr just to be like hmmm, maybe I’m into dudes?

And it bugs me because there is a super easy fix to this clip! Just have Sander send the Bowie playlist, Robbe listens to it, and as he’s daydreaming and smiling a bit, he gets out his phone and checks out Grindr, ready to search for Sander. But there are too many sex messages so he’s just like WTF and gets rid of it. Then Sander calls and they have this conversation that ends in Robbe being reminded that Britt is still in the picture. (Or he doesn’t need to get the sexy messages at all, I mean they’re kind of funny but I’m not sure they’re plot-necessary here.) 

Noor texts him that they’ll meet up later. It’s not 100% clear but it sounds like she knew about meeting up with Sander and Britt, so that means Britt probably told her previously. Which is a little bit of different context from OG, because I was under the impression that Even asked Isak to hang out with them hoping that they’d be alone, and then somehow Sonja found out and made it into a group thing with Emma, making Even grumpy. With this it seems like it was planned as a group thing from the beginning, Britt knows they’re meeting up later.

Or wait, when Sander says he’ll give Robbe advice at the cafe later, does that mean Robbe already knows they’re meeting up? That would make sense because it’s what happened in OG (Even invited Isak in an earlier clip and then Isak found out Emma and Sonja were coming in a later one). They’re incorporating all kinds of OG elements in this episode so I wouldn’t be surprised. But I assumed that this was the invite because we didn’t see Sander talk to Robbe earlier this week? Shouldn’t we have seen that clip since it’s the first time they’ve interacted since they almost kissed? I checked the texts for this episode and I don’t see anything like Sander inviting Robbe, either? Did I just miss something? What is going on?

Clip 7 - Robbe is late to meet Noor

Later that day …. Robbe rides a bike. Very fast. The music is dramatic! This would not be out of place for an O Helga Natt scene

And yet it’s not OHN, it’s Noor? Noor seems annoyed. Because Robbe is late. OH NO THE TENSION WHATEVER WILL WE DO. WE CARE A TON ABOUT ROBBE AND NOOR.

Noor is super pissed at him and starts screaming and shoving at him. What the actual fuck? She complains that she thought he was dead or something and is mad he didn’t even send a message. She says fuck you and walks off. Robbe follows her on the bike.

I don’t know how popular this opinion is, but Noor did not come across as great here, like when I watched it I was baffled at her response. I say this as someone who is chronically early and also gets annoyed at lateness. She has every right to be annoyed that Robbe is late and that he didn’t message her to tell her he’d be late, and I get that there’s supposedly more to her reaction than just this one incident. But the screaming and especially the shoving at him is just WTF. 

Also, she told him to meet him at 19:00, and the beginning of the clip is at 19:21 (I see what you did there) and Robbe arrives like a minute or two later. So he’s 20 minutes late, which is certainly annoying, especially because it’s dark and chilly outside, but IMO not a cause for “I thought you were dead or in an accident!” and the OTT reaction. 

Clip 8 - Robbe and Noor fight

Sander and Britt are in the cafe, Robbe and Noor argue outside about him giving her mixed signals. Has ... he ...?

OK, I’d say I half-see her case, and I half-don’t. If Noor can somehow sense Robbe’s disinterest during their makeouts or lovey-dovey moments or w/e, then I can buy that. I think there are slight moments where he doesn’t seem into it. But Robbe has put so much more genuine effort into their relationship than Isak did. He hasn’t even turned Noor down for sex, really, they’ve just gotten interrupted every time, or she’s thrown up. He didn’t want to go to her dance performance except then he told her he would go approximately thirty seconds later. He went to her dance performance. He went to the seaside with her and kissed her and slept in the same bed with her. This is the first time he’s actually fucked up with her.

Noor sounds ridiculous right now. “Do you still love me?” Uhhhh what??? You’ve been dating for less than a month, really? Did he tell her he loved her at any point? I’m serious, is there some material I missed? Some nuance in the language that didn’t completely translate?

I get it, I’m watching insecure overdramatic teenagers! I’m just wondering if I’m supposed to be on Noor’s side here. They could have portrayed this less OTT and more fitting to Robbe’s actual offenses.

Anyway Robbe and Noor have a screaming fight in the street and he says he can’t breathe anymore because of her. I can buy that even if it’s dramatic because he’s feeling trapped by her due to his sexuality. She walks off, Sander and Britt come outside. Britt goes after Noor and hugs her, Sander sings Space Oddity to signify the crash and burn of Robbe/Noor. He has on a Pink Floyd shirt so at least his musical taste is more varied than Bowie.

Clip 9 - Robbe and Sander by themselves

Robbe and Sander drink alone at the bar, they don’t think the girls are coming back. Sander texts Britt and then tells Robbe they’re going to do something else. He shows him Britt’s text saying that Noor needs some time alone. I mean. this drastically changes the context of them going off together … it’s not because they want to be together, necessarily (although they do) but it’s by default now.

So they leave.

Yeah, I do not love what they did with this scene. It’s short and to the point but I want to point out a few things.

First, because again, there’s no need to break up most of these clips into such short, choppy scenes just because 15 or 20 minutes have passed in-universe. It might be exciting if you happen to be watching and following at the exact time these are being posted, but it also messed with the flow of the scenes and the build of emotions. Imagine if we cut off after Isak and Even left Emma and Sonja and then 10 minutes later we got them riding around on a bike. We’d missed that beautiful transition from the silent, empty room to Isak on the bike and then Head Over Heels kicking in. That’s one of my favorite moments in season 3 and it’s because of that transition. It’s because I was sitting there watching this uncomfortable scene and wishing Isak and Even could be alone and then they got to be alone and my stomach swooped! If you break up moments like those, there’s just not as much build. (Or imagine - horror of horrors - an O Helga Natt where Isak gets the text from Even and it cuts off after he runs out of the church and then resumes when he arrives at the school, so we don’t see his journey. You lose so much.)

Second, there is a curious lack of romantic/sexual tension in this scene. It’s there on Sander’s end, I think, or at least you can read it there due to his focus on Robbe and even some of his body language. Robbe, on the other hand, seems more upset that his girlfriend who he doesn’t even feel genuine attraction to has walked out on him rather than the fact that he is sitting next to the boy he’s crushing on, alone together, right before they share their first kiss later that evening. And it just makes me want to know why. 

I don’t blame Robbe’s actor at all, because it’s the director’s job to tell him how to play the scene. But I rewatched this scene trying to be generous, and there is not a single shred of attraction or tension from Robbe toward Sander.  He checks the cafe door when it opens, he asks Sander to text Britt, and when Sander suggests they leave, Robbe’s first instinct is to ask what if Noor comes back. He sits there moping into his beer the whole time. He doesn’t sneak looks at Sander. He doesn’t try to talk to Sander about anything except Noor and Britt. No banter, no discussion that’s focused on them, Robbe-and-Sander, you know, the main couple of this season (supposedly). It doesn’t even feel like he’s consciously trying not to look or interact with Sander because of the romantic tension. No, it genuinely feels like Robbe’s #1 thought right now is Noor. Does that make sense to you? It makes sense for him to be a little out of sorts due to the fight, but does it make sense that Robbe seems to have no perceptible reaction to being alone with the guy he likes? Does it make sense that they didn’t take this chance to throw in some romantic and sexual tension in order to pave the way for the kiss that is going to happen very shortly? Gotta say that I think this scene exemplifies my earlier complaints about how Noor was so prevalent early in the season and how Robbe/Noor was built up. Because once again, Robbe/Noor has taken precedence over the undeveloped Robbe/Sander pairing.

Finally, as I said above, the situation makes it so that Robbe and Sander are on their own by default, not by choice. Combined with the bizarre lack of tension, that makes this scene fall totally flat. There’s no sense that these two really really want to be alone together. There’s no joy in them running off together. Robbe actually seems reluctant to go off with Sander. And not even because he’s fearful of what might happen, ooooo things might get a little gayer than I can handle right now, but like he’d rather sit here and drink and think about his girlfriend. 

It’s like they were concerned that Isak and Even were too mean to Emma and Sonja so they decided Robbe and Sander would only be alone because it was the girls’ decision to leave them, not the other way around. We even get that text from Britt so we know that Noor totes isn’t coming back and it’s OK for them to leave. I have no idea what their actual motivation was to construct the scenario this way, though. I would love to know. (The answer would probably annoy me so I’m better off not knowing.)

It’s little stuff like this that makes me want to sit down the writers/directors/whoever’s behind wtFOCK and have them watch scenes from Skam S3 and write an essay on the construction and execution of clips. Do some homework about timing, tension, narrative structure, and everything else that makes S3 work. 

Clip 10 - Smooch time

It’s 21:21 so you know what’s happening. Also, bullshit! Why is this happening so fast. You haven’t earned this!!!!

Sander buys them booze. The Sander actor is very good, honestly. I like his screen presence. It is a testament to his abilities that this relationship is working for me at all, because it sure ain’t the writing. (Robbe’s actor is doing well, too, but the writing is dragging him down since he’s present for all this nonsense.)

This scene of Sander and Robbe drinking and riding bikes is genuinely good on its own and they have strong chemistry when they’re allowed to show it. They have easy banter and interaction, there’s a callback to the booking.com reference from when they met. Really, this part makes me sad, because I can see the potential here! If the writing was GOOD, if the story had a legit direction, if it was just better storytelling all around … this season could have been wonderful, they had the right guys to do Isak and Even’s story justice. Instead it’s like this one terrific moment in a sea of wtFOCK.

If they go in the pool I will roll my eyes. C’mon, guys, you DO NOT HAVE THE SYMBOLISM to do this scene. It had a meaning in Skam, in most of the remakes it’s just an arbitrary location.

Yep, it’s a pool.

Sander takes off all his clothes so he jumps in bare-assed, and Robbe laughs. Sander yells at Robbe to get in the pool so Robbe does a fucking striptease while Sander watches, more or less, and he’s about to get in the pool in his underwear, but Sander is like “all the way or no way” so Robbe takes off his underwear after a brief moment of hesitation and jumps in. So they’re naked in the pool. Cool cool cool.

 Seeeeee, on the one hand this COULD be a moment of liberation, I could see it, taking off the clothes and jumping in as a representation of abandoning the stale hetero life or w/e. But I don’t think wtFOCK has built anything resembling a clear arc for Robbe, to the point where this act means anything, really. (Can you imagine Isak doing this in episode 4? I don’t know if it fits his character at that point, but I could at least be like, OK, this is part of his ~rebirth and I think we’ve built him up enough that this moment of liberation feels like a culmination of something.) I’m also not totally sold on the way they presented this, like we’ve got a closeted gay kid alone with his crush and the crush takes his all his clothes off and then Robbe takes all his clothes off with only the barest reluctance (but he’s not like … distressed or worried, just kinda like “aw, man!”) For some closeted gay kids? Sure, guess I could see it! But in the context of “this kid is struggling with his sexuality and he’s alone with the boy he likes and he’s supposed to be going through Some Shit”? Why doesn’t this have a bigger reaction in Robbe? Since they are drunk and not necessarily overthinking things in the moment, however, I will let this slide. Cynically I think this is mostly about trying to make wtFOCK Sexxxxy. I’m not a prude and I don’t have an objection in theory to a teenage couple skinny dipping together, but wtFOCK has a trend of taking a thing that happened in OG and going “How can we do this but more?” and these remakes know Evak is the big sell in fandom, so. They’re making it spicier. (EDIT from the future: Jumping ahead to later content on wtFOCK ... they very much are trying to make it Sexxxxy.)

Also, these guys just haven’t had a lot of buildup yet! And I can see like … rewriting this scene so the first kiss isn’t necessarily some epic release of a simmering tension and growing love, but more of a tentative, pivotal moment with a gay kid kissing a boy for the first time, and having the relationship grow from there. But wtFOCK isn’t doing that, it’s trying to do the Evak thing with the epic romance, and they haven’t earned it.

They go underwater for the breath-holding contest, Sander tries to kiss Robbe (Robbe’s eyes are pointedly closed so this feels like some unnecessary POV breakage) and Robbe shoves him back. He’s still in a good mood, though. They go back underwater and Robbe kisses Sander. Yay, I guess.

Lol, I don’t actually want to sound like a bitter asshole. The song choice is lovely! The cinematography is pretty good! And like I said, they have nice chemistry. It’s just that the storytelling has been so messy up to this point that I can’t get too invested. The very first clip I saw in real time for Skam season 3 was the pool scene - I had just discovered the show a few days prior, and I kept watching the clips on repeat. I could not get enough of this story. I really really needed those guys to kiss. Yeah, I recognize that at the time the story was brand new and this wasn’t the fourth iteration of the same pool scene and the sixth first kiss for this couple, and you really can’t recreate that feeling of not knowing what comes next in a remake like this. Still, I think that if the writing had just been better, I could have been happy and invested in this moment.

I also think that the pool scene in particularly has a tendency to get written in kind of a rote way in the remakes. Some of them have put their own spin on it - I had plenty of criticisms of Skam France’s S3 but I did enjoy their first kiss and I praised that they made up their own symbolism - but some of them have gotten so close to the original, the exact same banter, the interruption at the end, and it doesn’t feel natural for those versions of the characters. I’m not sure if the remake showrunners think that the original scene is something the fans want to see or if they’re being lazy or if they think the OG is just that good (which it is, lol). I don’t think any remake has been that faithful with their O Helga Natt clips, by comparison. 

Anyway they get caught, yadda yadda.

Clip 11 - Morning after the pool smooch

Robbe gets up and sees Zoë looking at Senne, seemingly hungover, on the couch. She makes coffee to spite him since the coffeemaker is loud.

Zoë asks Robbe about last night and says Noor was at the door. Robbe doesn’t tell her what really happened. Apparently Noor looked like she felt bad. I don’t think I can handle more Robbe/Noor, guys. I appreciate that OG didn’t drag out Isak’s thing with Emma once he kissed Even, but I’m not confident this won’t happen here.

Zoë asks if he’s all right. Man, the most effective relationship this season is probably Zoë and Robbe? Which is fine! But like … boy squad ain’t great, Sander and Robbe aren’t well developed, they fucked up Yasmina and Robbe already, Milan and Robbe are way behind schedule…

What if the reveal were that Sander were in Robbe’s bed?

It’s not. Instead, Sander texts him as a cover of Space Oddity plays. Robbe has angst and blocks Sander on WhatsApp. Ohhhh my. Another thing I appreciated about OG? That Isak was all in after he kissed Even, and that the angst came from different places besides the typical gay coming out storyline of “kissed a boy, regretted it, went back in the closet temporarily.” Not that it’s unrealistic, just that it’s done so much.

I think we’re supposed to take away that Zoë saying Noor was there looking sad made Robbe reconsider what happened with Sander? Or just general internalized homophobia. I don’t think the latter is totally out of Robbe’s characterization based on what we’ve seen so far, although I wish there was clearer writing so it felt more like “Robbe has internalized homophobia that made him block Sander” and less like “????? internalized homophobia I guess.” Again, I’ll letting this slide because I can also rationalize it as him being a little drunk last night, and now that he’s sober he regrets his choice, even if I don’t think this is a great choice at this stage in the season.

Clip 12 - The heaviest of sighs

The subs helpfully gave a trigger warning for homophobic slurs so I knew this was going to be “good.”

Robbe is listening to music as he goes home. Sander comes up to him, smiling, wanting to know why Robbe blocked him. Robbe says to leave him alone, that Sander got him drunk and took advantage of him.

L M A O welp, this would soooo kill this ship for me if I were invested.

FIND SOMEONE ELSE, SANDER, YOU DESERVE BETTER

Oh, so Robbe also shoved him and called him a dirty f****t! What a great romance!

No, really - this is the EXACT THING I was so glad that Evak DID NOT DO. I’m not saying their romance has to be free of flaws, that there can never be fuckups, that Isak can’t ever hurt Even and vice versa. But this is such a common and ugly trope in gay media. 

Robbe goes inside and slams his door, Milan asks what’s wrong, Robbe tells him to leave him alone. We get Milan’s POV and not Robbe’s at the end. 

Anyway lmao. wtFOCK indeed.

Did you enjoy the cuddle scene in Skam, where a same-sex couple got to be tender and sweet and open with each other for almost seven minutes? A clip that felt refreshing and even revolutionary for its normalization of gay intimacy? Hahahaha, fuck you.

Okay, seriously though. It’s not a problem that we didn’t have the cuddle scene immediately after the pool scene. It’s not a problem that they want to change up this storyline and make it their own - though again I would ask the creative powers at wtFOCK why they’re making these particular choices. It’s not a problem if Robbe and Sander’s relationship has some extra bumps along the way to their happy ending.

WHAT EVEN PROMPTED THIS CHANGE IN ROBBE, like I get the answer is “internalized homophobia” but Robbe was BUCK NAKED WITH SANDER IN THE POOL so like. Can we please get SOME context for why he suddenly had a freakout? Can we please get some narrative structure with cause and effect? Can we get a fucking reason that Robbe went from 0 to 100? Because if it was just the blocking Sander on WhatsApp, that’s one thing, but accusing him of sexual assault and calling him slurs is so vastly beyond that. If we’re supposed to take away that Robbe feels bad about Noor, that still doesn’t explain the ugliness of his reaction, rather than just telling Sander that he has a girlfriend and it was a mistake or whatever.

I’m going to add that I understand that Robbe went through some additional homophobic shit from his friends in previous seasons - I remember Moyo saying crappy things to him in S1, and I watched a S2 scene where the same thing happens. So I can understand if  Robbe’s internalized homophobia is very strong. But they’ve also cut out so much stuff in this season that added to Isak’s internalized homophobia (no mom’s religion making him anxious, no gay test, no gay generalizations from Emma...) If they want to rely on internalized homophobia from previous seasons, then we really need a reminder in this season, such as his friends making homophobic jokes, which I do not recall hearing so far. And they need to show what happened between the kiss to provoke such a homophobic reaction.

After Sander said that thing about not knowing if anyone would ever love him … why did they do this? I love me some pain in storytelling but this isn’t just angst, this is needlessly cruel.

There is, believe it or not, a middle ground between “conflictless fluff” and “cruel homophobia and assault allegations” where you can have some tension, even have Robbe have a freakout, without bringing in this kind of material. Robbe could have told Sander to stay away without accusing him of assault or calling him slurs. He could have said he wasn’t gay or that it was a mistake or even “I was drunk” without following it up with “and you took advantage of me.” All of these options might have stung for Sander and for any viewers who were hoping for morning-after cuddles, but they also create conflict without pushing it over the edge into OTT cruelty. 

HOW I WOULD REWRITE THIS EPISODE:

Ahahahaha

So far this season is like a disconnected set of scenes from Skam S3 with bonus filler scenes and unnecessary clips about non-Robbe things. It’s getting hard to think about rewrites because the point, if you will, so often so unclear. It’s also hard because this episode squeezed in so many OG scenes that were missing from earlier in the season that it’s like, well, shouldn’t we have had this a few episodes ago? Should we just leave them out now?

Okay. Start by getting rid of the first clip in this episode that’s mostly about Zoë/Senne, bump up the Milan clip. We start with Robbe looking at pics of Sander on IG, Milan comes in and asks if there was any romance on the trip, then they get into the Grindr talk, etc. The Grindr talk makes more sense before Robbe almost kisses Sander, but like. We can’t do anything about that now. What might be better is if the whole “how do you know if a guy is gay?” thing takes a swerve into not just Robbe trying to figure out Sander, but to something uncomfortably close to Robbe’s own behavior (like IDK, referencing body language and how a guy will lean in closer, like Robbe did with Sander) and then Robbe gets cranky because he’s worried he’s too obviously gay to other people. After Milan leaves, he starts looking up stuff like “how to act straight” or “how not to seem gay” or whatever. That leads us into the next clip...

... the dance chicks scene. Now we’ve seen plenty of Robbe being disinterested in girls already, so this time we’re going to show him trying to be interested in girls instead. Like he’s watching his friends’ annoying horny reactions and he’s clearly trying to imitate them and join in, but we can see that he’s awkward and not totally feeling it. But he’s trying. Then after the performance, Robbe makes the comment about the dance instructor being so gay.

There is a problem, IMO, in that Robbe’s friend group has been shown to be more homophobic than the average boy squad (as seen in S1 and S2). And frankly I don’t really believe yet Jens is the type to shut down a homophobic comment. Like in S2 Moyo and Robbe straight up start calling each other f*gs and Jens is like chill, no one here is a f*g, but if there were, you should date each other. That’s his idea of intervention. So I’m not sure how to handle that. 

I don’t love this idea, because I hate what they’re done with Moyo in particular, making him pointedly more homophobic (to be discussed in a future reaction) but Moyo and Aaron could perhaps laugh at Robbe’s comment and start riffing off it, while Robbe is sitting there pretending to laugh but looking increasingly uncomfortable, and Jens notices something is off with Robbe, and he tells the guys to knock it off, the guy is gay, so what? Big deal. Then aside from the other guys, he asks Robbe if something is wrong, and Robbe snaps at him or attributes it to family problems again. 

I was going to also say that the setting for this clip doesn’t really allow for Sander to swoop in, like Even did to return the snapback, but actually maybe it could? Noor could have invited Britt and Sander to watch the show, right? So maybe when Robbe makes this gay joke and his friends are laughing, Sander comes up while Britt is talking to Noor and is like, hey guys, what’s up? Robbe’s friends are just like, oh nothing, did you see how gay that guy was? Then Sander is like, sorry, what’s the problem with being gay? He tells them off a little. Meanwhile Robbe is standing there awkward as fuck, not looking Sander in the eyes, while Sander is looking at him for backup, but Robbe just makes an excuse to bolt. Maybe he walks past Noor without saying anything, so she looks confused.

Now onto Robbe and Yasmina. Man, I truly hate saying this. But: If you are not going to incorporate other religious themes into this season, then you don’t need to redo the Isak-Sana friendship. Again! I don’t like suggesting this! But what actually is Robbe and Yasmina’s relationship bringing to this season when it’s portrayed like this? 

They left out the weed blackmail, which is really just a plot device in OG, but it’s a plot device that sets up Sana and Isak’s thread. It also gets Isak to kosegruppa to meet Even, something which is irrelevant here.

Sana’s main tie to S3 is Isak’s mom. Isak’s mom is religious, that makes him anxious, and it’s a hurdle to coming out to her. Robbe’s mom is not religious, Robbe’s internalized homophobia doesn’t seem to have anything to do with religion specifically other than this one scene with him and Yasmina. It’s just a disconnected tangent. What’s more, what is Yasmina’s eventual advice going to do for him? Sana’s advice led Isak to come out to his mom.

I really like Yasmina. If there’s another way that her presence is relevant to the themes of this season, by all means let’s find it and include her. As it is, either make it that Robbe’s mom is religious and include the Robbe-Yasmina subplot, or don’t and leave it out. 

I would love to see in-depth and meaningful friendships develop among all the characters in the Skam squads, just because I love all those kids. Jonas and Vilde? Even and girl Chris? Eva and Mahdi? I don’t care how random, let’s have them all! But there is a finite amount of time per season, and we can’t extend time for all possible relationships - just the ones that are most relevant to the story we are trying to tell. 

I mentioned above a fix for the Bowie playlist clip that makes it have a little more sense to me. If you include Sander in the dance chicks clip like I said, you could have Robbe thinking about Sander again and wondering if he’s into men since he called out the boys’ homophobia. That’s how he ends up on Grindr. Then Sander sends him the Bowie playlist, Robbe listens, Sander calls and they talk, Robbe apologizes for bolting out of there the other day. Sander invites him to the cafe later, Robbe’s all :D until he realizes Britt is there and is coming too, then he’s :(

He’s late to meet Noor and Noor is upset, but not like ... screaming and shoving at him. She’s more snippy and passive-aggressive, she walks off. She says she’s upset because he ditched the dance performance without talking to her, and then he’s late to meet her, it seems like he just doesn’t care that much. They have a fight but it’s like a normal fight and not The End of the World. Just tone down Noor’s OTT anger and make it more natural.

I don’t have a preference in this version whether Noor and Britt leave the cafe and Sander and Robbe know they’re not coming back, or whether Noor and Britt just go to get some air and cry it out and Sander is like fuck it, let’s leave. The important thing for me is that Robbe sits there with Sander, painfully aware that they’re alone, and there’s lots of tension and awkwardness and his brain is clearly hyper-focused on the proximity of Sander’s knee to his own. They banter and flirt and then when Sander suggests they leave, Robbe acts like he wants to go.

Don’t do a pool scene for the first kiss. Give a shit, make it your own. Except IMO they have done so little to establish this relationship in terms of larger themes or symbolism that they have nothing to choose from. 

Man, what if THIS episode was about going to the seaside, after they had been talking for several episodes, and they kissed in the sea when they were alone? That would be at least somewhat plausible? A take on the pool scene/underwater kiss that wasn’t the exact same.

You could do something related to graffiti, perhaps? Instead of breaking into a pool, they break into the tagging place or wherever. Or something else related to Sander’s artwork, because I know that this comes up in their version of O Helga Natt.

I’m not wild about adding this blip in Robbe and Sander’s relationship after the kiss, because of how much ground we need to cover the rest of the season (it messes with the pacing yet again) and also just because I like that Skam didn’t do this expected route. However, if they wanted to make Robbe try to shut out Sander again: the strongest case for his internalized homophobia seems to be his friends. So have him meet up with them again the day after kissing Sander. His friends bring up Sander and how weird he was at the dance performance about the gay instructor, like it’s just a joke! He took their comments way too seriously! Is Sander gay or something? And maybe Robbe tries to defend Sander - no, he’s a cool guy, really - and then his friends are like, pffft, what, do you have a crush on him? Robbe denies and everybody chills out, but Robbe seems troubled. Maybe this is when Jens finally gets a fucking clue and realizes something’s up with Robbe, and in the future there’s a scene where he shuts down gay jokes. For now, though, we do see how Robbe would feel compelled to go back in the closet. Sander texts him and Robbe blocks him.

Now we come to the worst part. So. Take out Robbe calling Sander a sexual predator and a homophobic slur and pushing him, that’s for sure. If he must reject Sander, do it in another way. “I’m not gay.” “I was drunk.” “It was a mistake.” “I have a girlfriend.” It’s not actually hard to do this clip without adding this ugly taint to their relationship.

Since I’m trying to think of rewrites without just copying Skam, here is a radical change on how to include a post-kiss freakout from Robbe earlier on so the pacing isn’t as odd. In previous recaps, I suggested Sander should be introduced earlier as a mysterious stranger that Robbe is trying to find. Well, maybe we can rework that. Robbe and the mysterious stranger share a kiss in episode 1. They’re hiding from the police or security or something after getting busted at a party or while tagging or w/e, and they’re both a little drunk and high on adrenaline, they’re smiling and laughing because they actually got away, and it just ... happens. The mysterious stranger can initiate it, but Robbe tentatively reciprocates before running away. Robbe freaks out and it’s after this that he starts heavily pursuing Noor. Because, you see, he’s not gay, he was just drunk, and it was all that other guy’s fault. But at least he doesn’t have to see that random guy again, right? No one will ever know. Just like no one will ever know if late at night when he can’t sleep, he does a Google search to see if he’s gay if he liked kissing a boy or if he can’t get it up with his girlfriend. Or if he goes on Grindr to see if he can find the mystery dude. It’s a bust and Robbe gives up and settles into dating Noor. Except in episode 2, OH SHIT, he’s introduced to Sander again via Noor, and it’s awkward and fuck, Sander has a girlfriend. Well, that’s good, right? Totally not a bummer. Anyway, Robbe tries to avoid Sander or tiptoe around him but they end up spending time together because they’re stuck at the seaside under the same roof. Maybe they directly address the issue by Robbe saying he’s not gay and Sander being like “me neither” (which technically is not a lie, lmao) and brushing it off as a mistake, or maybe they both pretend that it never happened. Maybe Robbe is more aggressive about it at first and Sander is like, whoa dude, chill out, I’m not going to tell anyone. Still, they get to know each other, there’s heaps of sexual/romantic tension, and in episode 4 (or 5 or whenever) they kiss again and it’s Epic.

This arc is definitely not the same as Isak’s or Evak’s and I absolutely won’t claim that it’s in the same league as what Julie Andem did, but I can see a narrative arc like this making some sense. Better than trying to do Isak’s arc half-assed.

It occurs to me just like … how little we know about any of these characters in terms of subtext or something? No hints about Sander’s background, really? Let’s get some clues in there.

I think something I miss about Skam was how kind it was. How all the characters were at heart, good people capable of the most generous love and empathy. And maybe we’ll get there with these characters in the end, but overall, so many of these people just don’t feel like that! There’s so much more ugliness and cruelty involved in this story, and it doesn’t feel like it’s done with good intentions, like to show the audience how to handle these situations and to heal. 

There’s this weird attitude of defense where cruelty, tragedy, and negative events are defended in the name of realism and there’s a backlash to the backlash, acting like the critics just want fluffy plotless hand-holding and cuddling, a conflict-free season, or a story where no one makes mistakes. And it’s like people forget that in Skam season 3, the story was FULL of angst! We know Evak get their happy ending but like … from episode 1 all through O Helga Natt, the story is packed with conflict. People hurt each other. Even in episode 10, not everything is perfect. It is very possible to do angst and conflict without this ugliness. Like … I have to assume people weren’t here for episodes 5 and 6 of Skam S3, or for the hotel scene, or episode 9 up to OHN, because I can assure you, there was no lack of angst. There was just a lack of shock value gratuitousness.

As always, let me know if I missed something due to cultural or linguistic context.

[cloveroctobers]

ROBERT “BOBBY” MCKENZIE —

IG info/bio : @/returnofdamckenzie | 426k followers | @/mclitgs2 is my forever boo🤟🏽😍 while @/cardib is my WIFE! She just doesn’t know it yet ❤️ support my work & be part of my family: @/bobbymckcares

24 (25) years young

Born in Dundee, raised in Glasgow, Scotland

Jamaican father named Badrick who is a African studies professor

Caucasian/Scottish mother named Catriona who used to be a au pair but now works as a receptionist in senior living — one eye is honey hazel and the other a dark brown

It was difficult growing up in a school that didn’t accept Bobby being biracial, it resulted in bullying to the point where he needed to switch schools (A lawsuit was also in place) The next school was slightly better but Bobby slowly learned to accept himself as it was not something he could control and not something he would want to in the first place. He was proud of where he came from and never thought he was better or less than anyone else, that wasn’t how he was raised

He’s an only child, his parents thought about adopting (and fostering) but with Bobby they had their hands full and he was just enough for them

His family is very family-oriented so he would never have to feel lonely since they gave him a lot of attention, slightly making him spoiled but he was also around his cousins & spending time with them as well

He’s extremely close to his younger cousin (only by a few months) Femi who he views as his sister. They’ve been through a lot together and are always there for each other so it only makes sense

Most likely an active kid always up to some sort of shenanigans whether it’s by himself or with his group of friends, “why would you do that Bobby?” “Don’t ask why but ask, why not!?”

Definitely suffered some broken bones, concussions, & sprain injuries but would never show signs of pain...guys got a high pain tolerance that’s for sure

Fan of films/series “stand by me” & “the goonies” & “scooby doo” since he feels they relate to his life??

Hospital caterer and loves making those feel better with food that he’s created. If he can’t put a smile on patients face with words then he feels like he can show them with food

Food is an art to him. He went to school for culinary & it’s very important for him to show how much it is to him. He picked up the craft from of course his family, who always used food for numerous of things: to bring people together is one of them

Perfected Jerk haggis, it is now he favorite dish next to desert & breakfast!

I’m struggling to figure out what sign he maybe? He’s very playful which may come off as childish at times, which makes me think of Leo? (Maybe Gemini?) Only because they usually hold onto their childhood as best as they can, very generous, & give their energy to you but I also don’t see him being a fire sign at all? So maybe very little Leo in his chart. I also feel like he might be a bit of an empath? He knows when situations around him don’t feel right, knows how to read the room, and always wants to help others by lighting things up.

Idk but I’m feeling he’s libra sun + Gemini moon + Leo rising? Who knows

Probably lived in a 2 bed flat with his old uni mate. It was small and a bit shit but it was their shit and they made the best of it

Now lives in a stone cottage or farmhouse with MC that was built in the 1900’s & is slightly haunted. He’s decided to call them Duncan??? But he believes they’re a good spirit, maybe even a friendly ghost!? since he got comfortable with the bizarre happenings in the new flat & it doesn’t seem like they want to hurt them

Lottie offered to bring her ouija board next time she visited—Bobby declined

House is mostly neutral based but three of the rooms in the flat are covered in ridiculous patterned walls or furniture much to MC’s distaste but, “what’s yours is mine” right? No. But Gary approves!

Has two dogs: a terrier & a collie since MC wasn’t down for getting a sheep

They do have chickens to raise their own eggs tho!

Definitely the kind of significant other that will ride on the cart when they’re out grocery shopping, will make you breakfast in bed, & will send you memes while he’s at home and you’re out or even when he’s at work and you’re at home, let’s you put his arm to sleep when you’re laying on it in bed (big ass head gang!), definitely chooses the candles from bath & body works that smell like food items (majority of them suck let’s be honest)

Probably smells like cucumber, melons, lemons, and eucalyptus

Has your wedding date in his IG bio & is proud

Annoys Gary & Lottie with his food pics, “oh, Not this shit again! 😡 looks brilliant, but enough!”

Has zoom/FaceTime movie nights with Marisol & MC who stopped feeling like she was third-wheeling months ago

Talks to hope & Noah (in the background) as much as he can. Feels like they’re his inspiration for love, even tho he’s the only one married out of the villa

He values marriage just like his parents do and often has Sunday dinners with them & MC ofc

Probably has relationship guide books and only reads them out of boredom but finds fascinating facts/advice if he pays attention & tries to apply it to his relationship with mc. If it works, it works! & If it doesn’t, you can’t say he didn’t try!

Works long hours but will still come home to cook for MC or brings leftovers from the events he’s catered (most are for the hospital but occasionally he’ll do other events)

Has a separate IG for his work

When WAP dropped, he almost lost his shit. Even tried to get MC to do the challenge with him, he’s pretty bad but MC eventually learned it just for him 😜

Is thrilled that Cardi made the best decision EVER on divorcing offset, “are you thinking of leaving me now?” “... I might.” “BOBBY!” “Haha, I love you!

Absolutely loves Christmas!!! It’s his favorite holiday and he loves giving back to everyone in his life. Usually he’s working overtime for the holidays & it makes him emotional due to the stories he hears & he puts a little extra love in his food

Goes all out for Christmas. Tries to buy/make everyone something. Even if he doesn’t really care for them...he’ll at least send them a x-mas card, if they keep it or burn it it’s entirely up to them—if he knew about it he’d probably be a little sad not gonna lie...he’s a soft king

Once bought Lottie black crocs with spooky pins , “are you joking Bobby?!” He knows she secretly loved them

Uses salt and peppermint in his dark hot cocoa...

Rather make deserts for Christmas than the food, he feels like it’s his duty

King of giving the thumbs up, especially when situations have gone to shit. He’ll still shoot them up with a smile or a grimace

Always inviting someone somewhere. “Bobby, hun. You’re 4-6 hrs away and it’s 1 am.” Hope groaned after listening to his bright idea, thinking something bad happened. “Ah, you could still make it if you tried, lassie.” “I’m gonna hang up now. Good night, bonkers man.”

Needs constant reminding when to get his locs touched up & moisturized

Either has a trampoline or a funhouse jumper in his backyard (maybe both) “we’ve got the space and this is better than a pool, or almost!”

Wants children, a whole footie team! There’s no specific time frame for him, when it happens, it happens

Used to cool & wet temps & loves vacationing in Greenland. Sure the hot weather he experienced in the villa was awesome & something different than what he’s used to but you can’t take the scot out of the man. So he typically sticks to places that are similar in temps, that way he doesn’t have to change his clothing choices much

Loves a good bath. Bubble baths are better than bath bombs to him, PERIOD!

Loves bubbles so much he put too much laundry detergent in the wash (does this on purpose now) and came back home to the dogs and room covered in it. Do you think he cleaned it up before MC came home? No. He decided to have a bubble party in the room with a Caribbean playlist playing in the background

MC definitely posted about it the first time & joined him for a bit, dreading the work that came with cleaning it all up. Now whenever Bobby needs a bubble party, he knows what to do. MC preferred him to have his little bubble party in the tub but 50% of the time he chooses not to listen & they leave him to pout & clean it himself

Likes to hold hands with fingers interlocked. When it’s cold and if you’re both wearing hoodies, he’ll slide his hand inside the arm of your hoodie to help keep you warm

Canon: His version of a snack is spaghetti hoops on toast & can eat that for the rest of his life & be content

If he didn’t end up marrying MC, probably finds his significant other working as a nurse at one of the hospitals he caters to or a volunteer at a old folks home

Never had a serious relationship, very few hookups, was either always placed in the friend zone or there was one person he wanted to be serious with but they rejected him and continued loving someone else who treated them like shit—so he kinda swore off of relationships and just flirted a bunch and kept his love life non-existent

Fav ice cream? Rocky road ice cream with one scoop of cotton candy & one scoop of cookie butter blue

Doesn’t believe in measuring when it comes to culinary. He uses his eyes as his measurement, could be a bad thing, could be a good thing, that’s up to you

If he’s up at night, he’s eating something sweet. A nice glass of single malt scotch whiskey + a splash of coconut milk (🤢) with a slice of angel food cake & he’s out like a light

Absolutely loves shopping for the kitchen, finds immense joy in doing so. If you lose him in a store, one of the places you’ll most likely find him is in the kitchen decor area

Owns a bagpipe & wants to get better at it, even tho he scared the living shit out of his dogs & chickens

Wears his shades quite a bit even tho the weather is hardly sunny and mainly windy & damp

Will hold the door for strangers even if they don’t say thank you

He’s open when it comes to music. Will listen to anything but feels like the music has to be a purpose for something...Everything he does in his day to day life has to feel like a soundtrack to him since in his mind he’s daydreaming about his life being made into a movie. Who isn’t?

He thinks wentworth Miller should play him in a film and that kid from blackish should play him when he was a wee lad, Marcus Scribner

Always keeps a positive attitude because he knows what it feels like to feel low and he doesn’t want anybody else in the world to feel like that so he wants to uplift and if he can try to be someone’s happiness he’ll gladly be that— which isn’t always the right move, he learned

Listens to: Rotimi, Shaggy, Sean Paul, Skip Marley, H.E.R., Jhene Aiko, Jorja Smith, UMI, The Kooks, The Killers, Cold War kids, Milky chance, Blood Orange, The 1975, Vampire Weekend, Bad Suns, BRYSON TILLER, Kilo Kish, & Ella Eyre (although he misses her old music)

Celeb crushes? Cardi B is his mfkin celeb wife okay?! Nobody else comes above her! He also thinks FKA twigs is pretty & super talented, sevdaliza!, Tia & Tamera, Iman, and brandy from the 90s makes him swoon

Anthem = jaden, “Boys and Girls”