#posted it twice somehow actually which was fun to discover. sorry to the handful of people who reblogged the deleted one

[windowsloth]

the diplomat and her prisoner (:

“Someday I’ll kill you”

[divinefireangel]

Hey there!!! Can you please write a smut on SF9 finding out their partner reading smuts 🥺🌝 (I want to see how dirty they can go🌝) And if you don't want to write for all of them then maybe you can just do it for any member you're comfortable to write on. Literally, ANY MEMBER WOULD WORK. I really want to read something like this haha🤭

Also, I genuinely love your writings! I'm new to Tumblr but I'm literally binge reading your posts. Gosh you're talented as fuck😫💗✨

Lots of love, and thank youuuu💕

OMG YES YES YES YES

TMI: Not gonna lie, I was thinking about this when my mom came into my room to talk to me, and my recent story was literally right there just open and I was panicking. Although she doesn't know anything 💀. She's cute like that, my mom.

You are so sweet anon 🥺🥺. Go on make me cry with your lovely words 😭. I will try my best to write more and sorry this took so long 💞💖 LOVE YOU 💓

S/O reads Smuts 🤭

Disclaimer: This is just a work of fiction. If this piece of fan fiction is offensive to any celebrity, fandom or culture please let me know so I can take it down. Also note that this is my version of a character or celeb, which will vary from person to person.

Copyright: Please note that this is my work and if you want to publish this on any other platform, take my permission before doing so. Taking an author's work and posting it somewhere else without any intimation is just disrespectful. I readily welcome suggestions and criticisms. That being said, Happy reading! 🤍

Warnings: 18+ ages and all readers (nothing specified with respect to gender, appearance, etc of reader). Rough sex (YB). Thigh riding (IS). Dick riding (JY). Marking. Biting. Humping. Dining table sex (DW). Low key strength kink? Idk (RW). Biting using teeth (ZH). Exhibitionism. Terrace sex (TY). Slight voyeurism. Oral - reader receiving (HY). Somehow I end up writing the filthiest things for Hwi. Cockwarming to sex (CH). It's really difficult to think of 9 different things for 9 different people😤. Also some may be unprotected sex, don't do it unless you want kids. Lmk if I need to add more!

Word Count: HAH jokes 😂

All members under the cut!

Youngbin

Doesn't understand at first 💀

But he isn't scared to ask so he'll just ask you

The panic on your face makes him panic

Apologizes 🥺

Then you explain that it's no big deal and that it's just a story

But he saw his name 💀💀💀

So he's curious and so he does research aka Googles it

Has a mixed reaction, doesn't know what to think

On one hand, he's flattered...?

Like, oh sweet, you are reading a story about him probably railing you to death

On the other hand, why are you reading it?

Did he not satisfy you enough? Should he do more? He wants to

So he will pick a random one, read it and be like, Okay. This is how it's gonna play tonight

So determined 🥺

Picks you up for your date and stuff

Timeskip to the bedroom by a steamed dumpling Dawon

So touchy and observant

Tries his best to remember what was in the story

Forgets but that's okay tho cause now he knows what you want

More Dom than usual

More vocal than usual

His grip on your skin leaves so many bruises and literal fingerprint shaped marks

Bites your neck a lot

Doesn't hold back one bit

Secretly satisfies his wishes too

Teases you for being so ready

Teases you for every reaction

Pulls your hair

Overstimulates you

Until you're tired and can't take it anymore

He could go for a round more

So he does

It's also like, he's lowkey angry at himself cause you were reading smut which made him think, maybe you thought he was too vanilla

But after you've both cooled down you ask him what happened and why he was so rough, not that you had a problem

Expresses his concerns and you tell him that you read those only cause you wanted to know what the fandom thinks of him and the way they think he likes to have sex

Blushy babyyyy

So cute 🥺

Inseong

Bro

Do I even need to 😂

He's probably written a few 💀

He seems like he's into roleplay 👀

So when he does find a tab open on your phone about literal PORN, in words

He doesn't think much of it tbh

But is curious

He'll tease you like you are both high schoolers

Holds you phone up high so you can't reach it

Satisfied when you whine and pout

Tucks your phone in his back pocket and grabs your face

" I think it's hot "

Peck's your lips and slaps your butt leaving you wide eyed

You need a minute to process what just happened lol

Running after him you pull him down on the couch, sitting on hids lap

Bite you lip and grab his face pls

Now he's wide eyed 😂

Kiss his neck and talk to him sexily

" Do you really like that I read smut? "

You look so innocent he would cum right there

Poor man is dumbfolded

So much that he doesn't even realize you were grinding down on his thigh the whole while

Grabbing your hips he nudges your hips to continue their movement

Loves having you so close

Especially after discovering your secret

Suck him off after and he'll do any and everything for you 😉

Jaeyoon

Oo this one is fun

He won't confront you immediately

He'll just think about it a lot

" How are they so cute when they read such things for fun? "

Stares at you from across the room

Smirks at your cute smiles

Timeskip this time by Baek Huru

Surprises you by kissing your neck

Humps your butt

Pecks you neck

Rolls your nipples in his fingers

Moans in your ear, deeply and hoarsely

Pulls away dragging you to the bed

Sits near the headboard

Beckons you to come closer and naked 👀

Forces your dick in you, slowly tho, don't worry

Doesn't give you a lot of time to react

But, all this seems familiar

Then you realize that he's trying to recreate the imagine you were reading before

The whole idea made you hot

Istg you've never finished so soon

He tells you that you don't need to read those stories when you have the real deal right there

Sanghyuk

Smug bastard

He's happy that you're thinking and reading about him even when he isn't with you

He will actually read the warnings and is mildly surprised lol

Wow you really into all that?

He has no shame so he will ask you directly

You stop doing what you're doing and just slowly turn towards him

He's scared lmao

Then explains himself and says sorry

Tbh, you're more shocked that he isn't angry

Blinking you slowly make him sit on the dining table chair

Pacing you start to think of and explanation now

Is there any explanation for reading smut? Idk 😂

Honestly, he asked you so that you could actually do what the warnings said in real life

Gets up, takes your hand pulling you close and lifts you, making you sit on the dining table

Removes his shirt before kissing you intensely

Tells you that he wants to fuck you on the table like in the smut

Nodding you let him take over

Makes you cum twice easily

It's more romantic than rough

Passionate, very passionate

Kisses you a lot

Hands on you all over you

Pulls you closer and closer by your thighs

Lays you down and fucks you till your back is no where on the table

Sweet reassuring smooches when you're done

Tells you to talk to him about such ideas rather than just reading them

Seokwoo

He is shocked™

Listen okay

He's tall

He's scared that he'll hurt you if he does what he wants without thinking

Reads multiple smuts 💀

Only the ones you've liked so far tho

Fuckin uses your account so yeah obviously

Now he'll be ready to talk to you about it

So shy omg

Stutters words out cause he's so flustered

You need to read his mind, literally

Once, somehow you are finally clear about what he was talking about

You'd just laugh at his cuteness

Boy is confused ??

Pushing him down on the bed you climb on top of him

Yes climb

Needy but still shy and shocked

Wastes no time in getting naked

Allows you to do whatever you want to him

No, really

Let's you take charge that is only until you tease him

Flips you and thrusts into you so hard the bed is shaking and you feel like it might break

Strong grips on your thighs and hips and belly and arms

Definitely sore for a few many days 💀

Juho

I'm not sure tbh

Either he won't care at all like

" Oh yeah this is just their thing "

Or he'd be so into it like hed wonder why you were reading it, was it for ideas?

He already has those so you don't need them from someone else

He won't ask you about it tho

But you will bring up an idea that was in one of them

And he's down

Or up, whichever you want

Asks you what you want more times than usual

But it doesn't make sense cause you're literally going crazy with the way his cock feels inside you and he asks you what you want?

Starts moving before you answer

Asks you again and again till all you can say out loud is " More "

He's fine with that answer

Hands above your head

Teeth scraping your the front of your throat drawing so many sounds from you

He's driving his dick in you so fast that you're moving away from him

Praises you with his deep ass voice

Gives you his Vampire stare™

That's all you need to cum undone

Keeps it a secret, won't ask you unless you bring up your little extracurricular activity 😌

Yoo Taeyang

SHY BABYYYYY

So pink when he realizes what you're reading lol

But he's so mesmerised that he goes on reading it 😂

You catch him looking at your phone, no big deal

But he's looking at it as though he saw a ghost

He's turned on but at the same time he's appalled

Do people see him like that? Do you want him to be that?

He's gonna need a lot of time to process the information

When you reassure him that he doesn't need to change anything at all, he's more calm then

But on a fine ass blue moon, his fine ass is gonna decide that he's gonna try something new

So there you are, on the terrace talking to someone on the phone. After ending the call he'll come and hug you from behind

It's all aww so cute till you feel his dick press into your butt

Forces your head back to rest on hius shoulder slowly but hotly

Unbuttons your jeans and pulls them down in one swift motion and his hands are all over you

Somehow the idea of having sex in the open night sky is so exciting

Stops just before you reach your high so that he can fuck you

You're leaning on the terrace wall

Face pressed slightly on it as your butt sticks out for him

Giving him permission to do anything to you

The orgasm hits you so fast but it's so fulfilling 🤤

And your pants are being pulled up even faster 💀

Maybe you should leave smut laying around

Youngkyun

You've found the saucuest lil smut about your boyfriend

He's sitting at the table, on his laptop composing and writing songs while you are here on the bed, blanket over your legs

Now see, you aren't really one to get off of smut but this particular one was so realistic

The description

The reaction

The dialogues

Reading it made you body move on instinct

Lower lip getting stck in your teeth

Hand travelling down to your privates

Your hips thrusting forward into your hand and fingers

Your breathy moans, that you tried your best to stick to, were louyd enough for him to hear

At first he thought you were doing a breathing practice or something

That is until he recognized the pattern

Lifting his blank phone up, he moved it to look at you through it

Boy is so shocked

It's like his own private porn show

Placing it back on the table gently, he moves the blanket slowly, getting under it

Licking his lips, he tucks his tongue out, licking the area that your fingers just slid over

Gasping at the sudden feeling you drop your phone and move your blanket off

You inevitably moan at the sinful sight below you

Your lovely boyfriend, looking up at you through his lashes, tongue coated with his saliva and your leaking juices

Holding your wrist, he nudges you to continue what you were doing, with his tongue never leaving you

Gripping your thighs, he bites your inner thigh as you work yourself closer to your high

After you cum, he'll lick off all your juices

Then he'll be all sweet asking you what you were reading

Round 2? 😉

Chanhee

He'll find it funny 💀

Why do people write these things

Why do people read these things

What is the use?

He is partly curious lol

When you tell him it stimulates the necessary regions, boy is shook

Then he's like nah

So you make him read one

He can't even make it halfway through lol

The foreplay itself made him hard enough to want you and to want to be in you

Grabs the phone and sits next to you

" I'm hard "

You look at him like boy what

Then he tell you that he now understood why people read them and that he's happy that people read them too help themselves

And you're like okay and what's the point

Pulls you on his lap

Whines at the feeling of to your butt on his arousal

Makes you stand now lol

Pulls his pants to his thighs and even yours

Places himself in you so that now when you sit on his lap again, not only is your back to his chest

Also his dick is in you

Somehow finishes the rest of the fic and just thrusts up into you

Cause you feel so heavently around him

Goes on and on and on till you're bouncing on his lap

Cums in you and just stays there till you finish your work

Still has mixed feeling now tho

Cause if reads them he wants you to be there near him and he wants to read more cause these fics are very addicting

[redorich]

(Hermit Canyon AU)

Eventually, the Hermit seems to get attached to Puffy. It makes sense- it's been trading gifts with her for months now, and has even shown itself to her a few times, albeit while invisible.

The other SMPers don't think much of it at first. The more curious members ask Puffy questions about The Hermit sometimes, but she knows little, so they quickly give up. Occasionally someone will try to explore the ridiculously trapped town, but they give up once it's obvious they're not getting in.

The trades grow more and more valuable, and one day Puffy opens her barrel to find a beacon, and enough iron to fully power it. She's stunned, naturally. To think the Hermit is so capable it can kill a Wither just to give a beacon away- she can barely believe it.

(In actuality, they cheesed it on the Nether roof, but she doesn't know that)

She does try to hide it, but word gets around, and after another few failed raids on the town (and some rumours that the Hermit can teleport), things settle down again, as much as they can on the SMP.

Then someone steals Puffy's beacon. {You decide who, because I. don't actually watch DSMP, admittedly.}

Puffy, naturally, is devestated- she can't imagine the work the Hermit put into getting it for her in the first place (the most time-consuming thing was getting the Wither skulls, and it wasn't even that bad). But there's not really much she can do, so she carries on.

Except, the next day, the thief wakes up to find their house full of chickens, Puffy's beacon missing, and every single empty space in their chests filled with strategically renamed light grey stained glass panes.

They go outside to find the entire contents of a cave spider spawner on their front lawn. Alongside a ravager. With speed potions. Renamed Pamela's Revenge.

(Cue half the SMP trying to find out who Pamela is)

Puffy, meanwhile, wakes to find her beacon back in its rightful place, and a beautifully terraformed garden outside her house (Scar accidentally detonated a creeper and naturally had to fix the hole...and then went a little overboard. But it's fine.)

op i want you to know that i considered just posting your ask, because it’s already So Good and practically a fic on its own, but i really wanted even more content so i wrote it myself. ANYWAY here’s sapnap’s terrible horrible no good very bad day xD

It’s risky, doing anything on the wide open Nether roof where anyone can see. Hell, using a beacon at all is risky for the Hermits. Still, they’ve got all sorts of farms and copious amounts of materials at their fingertips. They’re past early game, stuck in mid-game while they wait for Etho to scope out more locations, while they build the second Upside Down (which Grian has named the Upside-ier Down), while they build their joint bases miles out from civilization. 

Having a beacon would make the process faster, they reason to themselves. They certainly aren’t risking being discovered just because they’re bored and getting a beacon is an excuse to do something. And hell, Tango made that giant, super-efficient wither skeleton skull farm right next to his double blaze spawner farm, so they might as well mass-produce Nether stars by killing multiple Withers. It’s not that difficult.

On another note, it’s after they gift Puffy one of their many beacons, in addition to a kit of iron blocks for powering the beacon that the Hermits realize that while their gifts are increasing in expense, Puffy’s are... not. So, if Puffy’s around average in the Dream SMP economy, they’ve figured out where most players meet their limit. She hasn’t stopped dropping by, though, which is nice. Her gifts become increasingly handmade, in lieu of upping the ante on material wealth. The Hermits suppose that hand-crafted items have a value that extends past money. Each and every one of them has something that she’s made for them, whether it be a shawl, a blanket, a set of earrings, a bracelet, or a pair of socks.

Apparently the beacon is more of a Big Deal than the Hermits thought. After all, the rainbow castle has several. However, the Hermits realize that they’ve been shortsighted. While it is true that the rainbow castle has several beacons, the castle is the only place that they’ve seen any beacons.

Sapnap steals the beacon. He doesn’t particularly need it, but he wants it, and stealing is fun. Maybe if he’s lucky, he’ll even start another minor war over it. He hasn’t fought Puffy very much. He wonders if she can put up a good fight.

Puffy’s-- not distraught, but she’s upset. That was a gift from the Hermit, a friend who she’s been pulling out of its shell. She doesn’t have much use for a beacon, but then again, neither does Sapnap; he’s just a dick. Just in case, Puffy leaves a note with the rest of the items she leaves in her barrel:

Dear Hermit,

I’m very sorry for losing the beacon you gave me. I made the mistake of keeping it in a normal chest instead of an Ender chest, so Sapnap stole it. I should have seen that coming. I’ll try to get it back, but if I don’t, please know that I didn’t throw it away.

Thank you,

Puffy.

Sapnap wakes up in the middle of a lake. His mattress is floating, and when he tries to paddle back to shore (once he’s done screaming), the mattress tips over and he receives an unpleasant fishy wakeup call. He trudges into his house for a shower, and finds that the showerhead, as well as all his faucets, have been stuffed with ramen noodle seasoning. 

He looks in his chests for a bucket of water. The first chest he checks is not only full of light gray glass, but also trapped. When he opens it, pufferfish fall out of the ceiling and bounce around. He dies to their poison twice before they finally die. The next chest he opens also has light gray glass, no water buckets, and a trap. This one, though, only releases a metric fuckton of chickens into his house. It’s fine. This is fine.

As he looks through his chests, he realizes something. They’ve got glass in them, sure, and they’ve been raided of water buckets, but... the beacon is gone. None of his other items, like enchanted netherite tools or literal diamond blocks, have been stolen. Just Puffy’s beacon.

Whoever pranked him missed a bucket, so he promptly dumps it over his head in an effort to smell less like pond scum and spicy chicken noodles. It takes the whole day to get his base back in order: he’s got to clean out all the faucets, empty all the glass from his chests, throw out all the dead pufferfish, and slaughter chickens by the dozens.

He can’t sleep. Are you fucking kidding. He can’t sleep. A soft hiss catches his attention, only audible now that the quiet of night has fallen. Is there somehow an unlit cave under his base?

Nope. As he steps outside onto his front lawn, he sees a daylight detector near the door that he missed when he came inside this morning. The daylight detector seems to have released approximately fifteen bajillion cave spiders onto his lawn, and they’re all angry, so he shuts the front door in their faces and goes back inside. That’s a problem for tomorrow’s him.

Horns spear the wall right next to where Sapnap was standing five seconds ago. He yelps. What the fuck is a ravager doing on his front porch? And why the FUCK does it have speed potion particles?!

<Sapnap was slain by Pamela’s Revenge>

<Sapnap was slain by Pamela’s Revenge>

<Sapnap hit the ground too hard whilst trying to escape Pamela’s Revenge>

<Sapnap was slain by Cave Spider>

<Sapnap was slain by Pamela’s Revenge>

<Georgenotfound> who is pamela’s revenge

<Sapnap> ;RVAER

<Sapnap> HELP

<Sapnap> RAVEAGER

<Sapnap was slain by Pamela’s Revenge>

<Georgenotfound> good night sapnap :)

<Sapnap> GEORGE OYU BITCH HLEP ME

<Sapnap was slain by Pamela’s Revenge>

<Georgenotfound> zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

-------

Puffy sees a whole lot of nonsense in the chat when she wakes up in the morning, and promptly decides to ignore it. She goes about her morning as usual, heading out to her front porch to sip a cup of coffee in peace. 

She... has a garden now. Hm. That wasn’t there before. And come to think of it, neither was the beacon she lost.

“Thanks, Hermit,” she says with a smile.

-------

Stress sips a cup of tea, having breakfast in Grian’s rustic sitting room with a few of her fellow Hermits.

“D’ya think we went overboard?” she says.

“...Nah,” Cub says.

[thiswasinevitableid]

54. I’m not sure what you think I said, but you start calling me an asshole and whip a ruler at me and somehow, we both end up in detention

Indruck, sfw, please?

Here you go! Content note: spiders appear at one point.

I based some of this AU--namely the concept of the Crucible and how magic is channeled--on the Carry On series by Rainbow Rowell. And Duck is trans in this, because any good wizarding school is inclusive.

After three years at Amnesty Academy, Duck is used to the objects being magically propelled through the air. But a ruler zipping through the air and smacking the back of his head is a new, unpleasant experience.

He tracks it to two chairs to his left, the new third year with the silver hair. He hasn’t even been here a day, what the fuck the is his problem?

“Hey, what the hell man?”

“You know very well what.”

“Uh, no I don’t, and I don’t appreciate bein hit with a fuckin ruler!”

“The maybe think before you insult someone next time!”

“I didn’t fuckin insult you! I don’t even know your name!”

“Ahem.” Ned, their Charms professor, looks down at them reproachfully, “gentlemen, while I know the review of Zone of Truth is rather dull, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t entertain yourselves with mindless conflict.”

“Sorry, Ned.” Duck mumbles, sending his pencil shooting below desk level to whack the other guy in the leg at the exact same moment he whips his pen at Duck’s hand.

“OW!”

Ned sighs, “I hate to do this, but-”

------------------------------------------------

“Detention! Lovely, my first day here and I’m in trouble. Thank you so much, Duck Newton, for landing us here.”

“You started it!” He growls as they take their seats. God, he hopes this isn’t one of Woodbridge’s days.

“Huh, only two.” Mama wipes her boots on the mat, closes the door behind her, “Afternoon, Duck. And…”

“Indrid.” Says his nemesis, “It is nice to meet you Professor C-” he cocks his head, “you really prefer I call you ‘Mama?’”

“Yep. Never could get behind that more formal stuff. Let some of the first years call me ‘Ms. Mama’ if they really need to feel like they’re showin some deference.”

Mama is deputy Headmistress of Amnesty. The only reason she’s not fully in charge is that she’s not a witch and some families object to that. So The Quell technically runs the school while Mama does most of the actual day to day work. She also teaches a course of non-magic practical skills because, “some things you can’t magic your way out of. Like taxes.”

Duck loves her class and, while he doesn’t understand why someone would opt into this weirdness, he admires the guts it takes as a fifteen year old human to walk into a wizarding school and declare that there was plenty you could learn there even though you couldn’t so much as send a spark from your fingers.

As he and Indrid watch the clock tick down, Mama pulls a bag from her satchel. The contents are cookies, which she offers to each of them.

“Barclay tryin’ out new recipes?”

“Course he is. Kid is gonna be the best damn kitchen witch in the country by the time he graduates. Guess he’s plannin to spend the summer drivin around and learnin the food magic of different regions.” She smiles, “bet you’ll never guess who’s goin’ with him.”

“Joe?”

“Bingo. Apparently he wants to study niche cultural magic.”

Duck’s pretty sure there’s another motive; sharing a van bed with Barclay. It sounds fun, roving the country, discovering new places with someone handsome by your side.

All that’s by his side is a glower hiding behind red glasses.

“Mama? I, ah, would it be possible for me to leave five minutes early? I’m supposed to get my pairing from the Crucible tonight.”

The older woman looks between the two of them, “Better tell me how you landed here first. Ned just said it was an argument.”

“He threw a ruler at me outta nowhere.”

“It was not, you know what you said.”

“The last thing I said before you hit me was ‘“nah, man’ when Billy offered me a pizza roll from his lunch.”

Indrid goes still, “Oh. I, ah, I misheard you. I thought you said 'mothman.' I apologize. I ought to have given you the benefit of the doubt.”

He seems so suddenly downtrodden that Duck shrugs, “Yeah, you should have. But it ain’t the worst thing that’s happened to me here. Not by a long shot.”

“No kiddin” Mama leans back on the desk, “Two of you can go at five til.”

His evening turns uneventful after that; dinner, hanging out with Juno and Aubrey, half doing homework and half fucking around on his phone in his room (the agreement between the school and the government is that a long as the students don’t post vidoes of themselves doing sick stunts with magic, the government will ignore any explosions and/monsters in the vicinity of the school).

He’s never had a roommate; when the Crucible spat out his name in fire on his first day, there was no other name with it. Almost everyone else rooms in pairs or trios. So his belongings are strewn about the tiny cabin that makes up his home away from home. Which is why, when the door creaks open at ten p.m, he sits up and prepares to fire off a spell.

Indrid stands in the doorway, one bag over his shoulder and another in his hand. He looks tired.

“Hello, Duck. Ah, I guess that one is my bed, then.”

----------------------------------------------------------------

The class schedules for Amnesty are generated by the heart of the school itself. Indrid isn’t entirely sure what that means, but the heart must not be terribly creative. It stuck him in divination class. He’s been seeing the future since he was five, managing it with his drawings since he was eight. Even the professor has no idea what to do with him, since the images come in like a garbled T.V signal when he uses a crystal ball and the cup shattered when he tried to read tea leaves.

At least Barclay gave him a conciliatory caramel while they swept up the shards. It made him feel a bit better, though whether that’s due to enchantment or Barclay being exceedingly good at cooking is hard to say.

And now he has to go to “Magical Weaponry.” Magical Defense he understands; there are still lots of malicious forces out there, or even just everyday evils that it’s good to be able to ward against. Plus, Vincent is a good professor, enthusiastic and understanding.

Professor Minerva is just as enthusiastic but twice as loud. This is their first day in the actual gym, as opposed to at a blackboard, and his visions suggest it’s going to go poorly for him. As it should; he’s not a fighter, he’s a disaster.

At Amnesty, magic is channeled through objects. Most people use wands or their hands but some, like Aubrey, use jewelry (a necklace from her mother) or another accessory.

Duck Newton uses a sword. Or he’s trying to. The sword seems to be winning.

“Exert your will on him, Duck Newton, he answers to you!”

“I answeeer to only the capable.”

“Shut up, Beacon.” Duck adjusts his grasp, but nothing happens until he drops the sword and sends a spell through his fingers. The target explodes. Indrid suddenly feels a bit better about his own probable performance.

Duck notices him, indicates the practice area next to him is clear. While they started off poorly, his roommate is doing his best to demonstrate southern hospitality. He invites Indrid to eat with him, helps him when his visions offer no help in navigating the grounds, and even lent him a blue and green shirt (Amnesty's colors) for his first Spirit Day. Duck is the best thing to happen to him in his first month here.

By the time class is over, they have six broken targets, a shredded mat, and a knife that is now a very confused frog between them. They manage to laugh about it, even as Duck scoops up the amphibian and tucks him into his shirt pocket.

It’s then that Indrid realizes he has a crush.

--------------------------------------------------

“You comin to the game tonight?” Juno measures her sapling.

“Assumin nothin comes up and nobody’s tryin to kill me, you know I’ll be there.” He loves cheering Juno on during her soccer games (hey, not everything has to be magic based, even at a wizarding school).

“Drat.”

The hissed frustration draws his attention to the far end of the work table. Indrid is trying to coax his Venus Flytraps to perk up, but they remain brown and limp.

“Need some help?”

“Please, as you clearly know what you’re doing.” Indrid tilts his head towards the sapling pine tree Duck is working on. If he does his growing spells right, he’ll be able to take it home as a Christmas Tree during winter break.

“You tend to picture words or, uh,pictures when you do your spells?”

“Images work best. The trouble is that the futures sometimes make it difficult for me to picture a spell clearly.”

“What if I try describing how I’d see it and you picture what I say?”

“It’s worth a try.” Indrid closes his eyes.

“Okay. Think about the roots drawin water up from the soil, about the traps absorbin nutrients from prey. That brown is goin green as they do, they’re stems are growin stronger…” he grins as the plant turns bright green, it’s mouths open, “hey, ‘Drid, look”

“Oh!” Indrid flaps his hands, “it worked! Now I can keep them healthy and big andohno, nono not again.”

The table cracks and collapses as the plant turns gigantic, blocking out the light from the greenhouse roof.

“Holy fuck, that’s great!”

“Language, sport, but I agree.” Thacker, the head of the magical Horticulture classes, whistles as he looks the plant up and down, “this is mighty impressive Indrid. Wonder if we could use it on some pumpkins come fall…”

“I don’t recommend it, unless you want them to chase people.” Indrid points to one of the heads, which is swaying in the air and lowering closer to him. It snaps and he leaps back, falling to a pile of potting soil. Thacker raises his walking stick and the flytrap returns to its proper size.

Duck helps Indrid up, but his friend stays quiet through the end of class and on the walk back to their room.

“You know it ain’t anythin to be ashamed of, right?” Duck flips on the light, “we all fuck up spells now and then. Hell, Aubrey is on track to be the best spellcaster this school’s ever seen and she still has trouble.”

“But mine go haywire constantly” Indrid flops, dejected, onto his bed, “forget mastering my powers, I’ll be lucky if I graduate able to keep them in check. If I graduate at all.” His hand searches the bed blindly; Duck sets the weighted, plush bat into so Indrid can set it on his chest.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve never lasted more than a year at a magical school. Or a non-magical one. I started at Mt Vernon when I was fifteen. Tried Deep Hollow and Shasta the year after that. I’m powerful but I can’t seem to channel it well, and three different schools decided I was more trouble than I was worth.”

“Bullshit.” Duck rests a hand on Indrid’s knee, “you’re strugglin with somethin; that means you need more help, not less. And if anyone gets it into their heads to kick you outta Amnesty, I’ll raise a goddamn ruckus.”

Indrid chuckles, quiet and disbelieving.

“I’m serious. You know Aubrey and them would side with me, and Joe knows school policy well enough he could probably find a reason why them tryin to get rid of you was against the rule.”

“Thank you.” Indrid’s smile is a rare flower, fragile and stunning.

“You want one of those calm-down caramels Barclay made?”

“Please.”

Duck grabs the box from the cabinet of their little kitchenette, then snags a Coke and a pineapple soda from the fridge. Indrid is no longer horizontal, is instead sitting with his back to the wall so Duck has space to join him.

Under the fizz of fresh bubbles, his friend murmurs, ‘“Have people really tried to kill you?”

“Yep. Someone sent an assassin after me my first year, and there was a Dire wolf on the grounds last winter that was clearly locked on to my scent. Perk of bein a Chosen One.” He grumbles as he swigs his drink.

“...Who on earth sends an assassin after a fifteen year old?”

“Right?! Fuck if I know, they never got any information out of the guy. Fuckin prophecy I swear, I didn’t even want these powers, let alone to be some kind of hero.”

“I sympathize.” Indrid rests his head on Duck’s shoulder, “there are prophecies around my birth as well.”

Duck clunks their bottles together, “To bein’ fucked over by stuff we can’t control.”

Indrid drains his soda, then perks up, “Oh! Oh dear, you should go if you want to be there for Juno’s match.”

“Come with me?” Duck can’t get the image of the two of them sharing a giant pretzel while smushed thigh to thigh on the bleachers out of his head.

His friend grins, “Of course.”

-----------------------------------------------------

Duck hoped, after his not-great time in middle school, that a magic academy would be asshole free. But no, there are assholes everywhere, and these ones have even more tools for tormenting their targets. He’s never been one, nor have any of his friends. The one time someone tried to bully Barclay, Dani sicked three spectral hummingbirds on them until they apologized.

Indrid, odd and new, is an easy target, though he seems to hold his own just fine (and his proximity to the most powerful witch in school does scare off many potential antagonists). But three guys in their Magical Defense class have zeroed in on him.

They’re standing in line to practice against an evil eye when Indrid’s glasses, the ones he doesn’t take off even when he sleeps, hit the floor by Duck’s feet. Duck scrambles to grab them before they get stepped on, wondering why everyone is making such a fuss. Then he turns and backs up in alarm.

An eight foot tall moth creature is where Indrid should be, red eyes wide and claws clicking together anxious.

“Who let that thing in here?” Someone yells from behind him.

Indrid’s antenna flatten.

“Fuck, wasn’t expecting him to be that big a freak” one of the bullies scoffs.

Black wings twitch.

“Newton, give him the glasses back so we don’t have to look at him!”

Indrid trills, upset, and leaps into the air at the same moment Aubrey yells, “that’s enough” and Vincent shouts a reminder about no flames in enclosed spaces and also detention for you three. Duck is to busy climbing out the window Indrid flew through to pick up the details.

One two-story fall later, he’s chasing a dark shape into the Monongahela forest. While the parts of the woods near his hometown of Kepler are non-enchanted, this chunk is magic down to the moss (he plans to write his final year project on how those halves of forest mesh on an ecological level). One of the worst aspects of the enchanted portions is their tendency to re-shape around travelers. His usual way around this is to have an unwavering sense of where he’s going and pretend the woods are giving him an unchanging path to get there. But that trick does fuck-all when he doesn’t know his destination.

After two hours of searching he’s no closer to finding Indrid, it’s getting dark, and he’s debating heading back to the school for help. He hasn’t been this deep in the woods since he fled the Dire Wolf, and he knows the deeper you go into the trees, the wilder the magic becomes. Bad news for him, even worse for his friend who's out there somewhere, upset and alone.

Eight gigantic eyes glitter at him from the dirt, and he quickly rearranges who has it worse right now.

Throwing a burst of light into the trapdoor spiders eyes buys him enough time to bolt to a tree and climb. As soon as it crawls free of its burrow he freezes; if he’s remembering right, they use vibrations to locate prey.

Fuck, that thing is the size of a VW Beatle. Why is that even a thing? No spider needs to be this big!

In spite of his stillness, it spies him and sets its forelimbs on the tree-trunk. There’s nothing else for it; he draws Beacon, pictures the spider shrinking, and casts his spell.

A soft crunch of leaves signals it hitting the ground, now an unremarkable size for an arachnid. Just as he steps down a branch, a second trap door opens and an enraged spider bursts out, looking for it’s friend. When it can’t find it, it turns and snaps its mandibles at Duck. This time, Beacon does nothing, no matter how Duck commands and curses as his eight-legged doom gets closer.

A crackle of electricity and then this spider disappears as well. On the other side of the trunk, red eyes regard him with worry, “are you hurt?”

“Nah, all in one piece thanks to you.” He holds out his hand, “you wanna head back?”

“Yes, please.” Indrid flaps to the ground, Duck following him on foot and then turning them towards campus, “you did not need to come look for me.”

“Course I did, not gonna let my friend get swallowed up by the forest. Oh, here” he holds out the red glasses, “you want these back?”

“Not just yet. That is, if this form is not too alarming to you.”

Duck takes in the glossy feathers, the charming ruff, the way the face is still obviously Indrid yet excitingly new, “I’m good.”

Light flickers from black claws, stars and flowers spinning out with ease, “It’s so much easier when I’m like this. I never foresaw my disguise charm being an issue, but the older I’ve gotten the more it seems to influence my ability to control my spells. But, well, you saw how people reacted. Even you were startled.”

“In my defense, I thought you’d been eaten by, well, you.” Duck casts the same spell, vines of light chasing the red flowers, “I’m still sorry, though. You ain’t horrible like this, ‘Drid; you’re fuckin stunnin. Never seen anyone as incredible as you.”

Indrid stops, looking down at him, “Do you truly mean that?”

Duck rises on his toes, pecking his cheek, “Yeah, I do.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------

The Halloween Formal is the most elaborate event at Amnesty. Indrid feels that if there’s any day he’s within his rights to be in his true form, it’s when everyone else is dressed as monsters.

He doesn’t have a date. He thought Duck was in the same predicament. Then his friend left before he was half-done grooming his feathers, saying he needed to get flowers for his hot date.

Ah well. At least Indrid will get to see him there and spend some time with his friends.

He checks his reflection in the gleaming black walls, orange and purple lights glowing and jack’o lanterns floating above his head. He adjusts his robes, the nice red ones his father sent him, and prepares to enter the ballroom.

“Hold up.”

When he turns, Duck is standing there in his black dress shirt and green tie, looking for all the world like he’s alone.

“You got one more thing to put on” He holds out a bracelet of flowers, sized to slip perfectly over Indrid’s hand. There are matching flowers pinned to one side of Duck’s hair.

“Oh. Oh my. You really-”

Duck uses a small spell to bend Indrid into a kiss; it’s a bit messy, since their mouths aren’t meant to fit together, but Indrid would not trade it for all the magic in the world.

“Yeah, ‘Drid, I really do.” With that, Duck offers his elbow and they walk arm in arm into the great hall.

[shijiujun]

thirst follow au for chuyao? (i dunno if you still take prompt requests for chuyao but i just discovered the prompt list you posted and if you do still take prompts i'd love read your version for chuyao of this!!)

new celebrity lu yao + ceo of the company lu yao is signed under qiao chusheng

---

The first thing that Lu Yao does once he’s alone these days is open his Weibo app and scroll to a particular account to look for updates. It doesn’t matter if he’s just started break after his filming sequence, or when he gets home after a day of long activities, before he does anything, Lu Yao is on his phone and checking through @/乔楚生mmc.

“Yao Yao, are you checking through Qiao-zong’s Weibo again?” his manager sighs as she enters the waiting room that has been allocated to Lu Yao for the duration of this period drama shoot.

“... Jie,” Lu Yao grins suddenly, showing her his phone, “Look at him at the ELLE Fashion event, he’s not wearing an inside shirt! It’s just a blazer over, I saw his fans yelling about this earlier but I didn’t have time to check, he just-”

Man Man-jie, his manager, tries not to be exasperated with him, but it has honestly been two months since Lu Yao discovered Qiao Chusheng, the CEO of Qing Long Ying Shi, the largest entertainment and media company in the country, after he visited one of Lu Yao’s shoots. 

Not for Lu Yao of course, but for the world-renowned director that Lu Yao and every other crew and cast member in this production is working with - suffice to say, Lu Yao laid eyes on their company’s CEO for the first time since he signed on a year ago, and he hasn’t been able to keep away from him since. 

It makes him wonder why Qiao Chusheng did not become a star himself, but Man Man said that the man has always had a knack for business development, and the company has only grown stronger after Boss Bai, the man who founded it and who is also Qiao Chusheng’s adoptive father, relinquished the position to him.

“How did you not know Qiao Chusheng is the CEO of this company?! Your paychecks are getting signed by him!”

“Aiya.... Jie, it’s not like I come across him at all... And I thought our CEO was some old man...”

Lu Yao immediately followed Qiao-zong on all his social media accounts because the man is certified exceptional in looks and body. He won’t admit it, but the best thing he likes about Qiao Chusheng aside from his arms, his muscles, his chiseled jaw, those sharp eyes, that hot body, is definitely the man’s smile.

It’s too embarrassing to say though, so Lu Yao stalks him online instead, on his private account that no one knows about. And because it’s a private and almost empty account, Lu Yao dares to leave emoji responses and some comments from time to time.

Today, Lu Yao replied Qiao Chusheng’s post with five thumbs-ups and five fire emojis. On second thought, he adds:

“哥哥帅爆了! 哥哥看我一下~”*

Man Man looks over his shoulder to glance at the comment and rolls her eyes so hard that she almost pulls something in her neck. 

“You know, one of these days, if anyone finds out, you’re dead,” she shakes her head. “When that time comes, you’re on your own. Don’t expect me to clean up on your behalf. Also, Qiao-zong is only a year older than you are, and you’re calling him gege?”

“Hey!” Lu Yao exclaims, indignant, “I have to present myself as one of his young girl fans right? If anyone ever finds out about my account, i can at least roll my eyes and ask if I would ever sound this disgusting, and then people will think twice.”

“Okay, if not that, then could you please change your Weibo name? You’re embarrassing me!”

Lu Yao frowns, confused. He thinks @/三土葱油饼 is a great handle for a social media account.

The best thing is, Qiao-zong has been oddly responsive to social media post comments recently, and he banters hilariously with fans when he has the time. Lu Yao hasn’t gotten that privilege yet, but Qiao-zong seems to be liking a lot of his fans’ posts as well, at least for those who post in the first hour of his new post, and those get likes.

Recently, it has also been Lu Yao’s personal mission to leave a comment and get a like by his Qiao-zong.

“Yao Yao, you’re so stupid, you know that? Not every single fangirl has the opportunity that you do. You literally have an excuse to go see him, you actually have access to him, his office floor? Company events? What game are you playing, stalking him on Weibo?”

Lu Yao tunes her out a little. It’s pretty fun to him, to be able to openly appreciate all these hot and amazing photos of Qiao-zong. Here, he can stare to his heart’s content, and he doesn’t have to hold back when he makes his comments. If he met Qiao Chusheng in person...

Well, of course he wants that too, but would he be more disappointed if Qiao Chusheng barely looks at him, or ignores him? Lu Yao isn’t a small artiste by any measure, and he did win the newcomer award two years ago, but there are so many experienced and legendary colleagues in his company too. 

It is, after all, the country’s media and entertainment industry behemoth, and Lu Yao doesn’t have a complex - he knows what he’s worth right now, and it ain’t a whole damn lot.

When he comes out of the shower two hours later at home, he sees a notification on Weibo, and it says that @/乔楚生mmc has liked his comment! 

His day made, Lu Yao flops back onto his bed and conks out for the next 24 hours.

===

Lu Yao can only thank his lucky stars because someone up there must really be looking out for him. If not, how can anyone explain Qiao Chusheng turning up at his shoot so frequently the week after?

Before this, Lu Yao had literally never seen the man even once aside from that very first meeting that began this whole thirst journey for him, and this week, Qiao-zong has visited every single day.

Of course, it’s not like he’s here for Lu Yao. According to some of his cast mates, Qiao Chusheng’s younger sister Bai Youning wrote the script for the last stage of their filming before the production wraps up, and asked her brother to stay on set to watch every scene being filmed.

The scriptwriter is usually on set for the parts she writes, but this particular segment of filming happened to clash with her honeymoon period with her new husband, but did that stop her from being involved? Not at all, and so busy Qiao Chusheng has to sit his ass down, note down what’s happening, and report back to his adopted sister at the end of each day.

Sadly, this segment will only take five days or less to complete, which means Lu Yao won’t be able to stare at Qiao-zong for much longer.

When will he shine brightly enough to catch Qiao-zong’s attention?

At the thought, Lu Yao slaps his own cheeks.

He only thinks of Qiao Chusheng as eye candy. He’s after a visual feast whenever he logs onto Weibo to catch the man’s updates. Qiao Chusheng is a pillar of strength for him mentally.

Lu Yao has no other untoward fantasy or goals when it comes to Qiao Chusheng.

None at all.

===

Somehow, Lu Yao ends up all drunk and boneless in Qiao-zong’s laps at the end of the week. As they expected, filming wrapped up officially earlier in the evening after Lu Yao filmed his very last scene, and since the CEO was present, there was no reason not to treat everyone on the production to a good meal.

Man Man temporarily left ten minutes ago to take on a call for another possible role for Lu Yao, and the room was cleared when Qiao Chusheng offered to book three huge karaoke rooms upstairs for the crew and cast to continue their party at after their dinner.

Lu Yao has had a bit too much to drink, and Man Man isn’t around to direct him elsewhere, so when the room has emptied, he is still seated, staring at his empty glass of wine. 

Suddenly, he thinks of something, and immediately pats at his pockets for his phone. 

“... Lu-xiansheng,” a voice sounds, “You’re not going to join them upstairs?”

“Mmm,” Lu Yao nods, trying to focus on his phone screen. “Going home.”

A nice-sounding chuckle echoes through the room then, “Can you get home like this?”

“I’m going on Weibo. Man-jie will send me home,” Lu Yao responds, almost sulking a little as he tries to find his favourite Weibo account.

There’s a bit of silence after that, and before Lu Yao can even scroll through today’s updates, a hand closes over the screen.

“You’re drunk, Lu Yao,” the same person says again. “You really shouldn’t be on Weibo. What if you post something by accident?”

Lu Yao pauses, and then he shakes his head, “I’m not posting anything.”

He turns and shows his ‘friend’ his phone screen, “See? It’s a private account, and... and... and I’m just... going to check on my favourite account.”

“Even then,” the man says again, exceedingly gentle and patient, “You should only look at Weibo when you’re sober.”

“No!” Lu Yao protests. “I have to check. I check this account everyday. See? See?”

There’s a long, long moment of silence as Lu Yao scrolls his way down the account, detailing which are his favourite photos. The man lets him go on, and because he’s cold, Lu Yao inches even closer to him.

The last thing he remembers is his new friend taking his phone from him.

===

It’s painfully bright when he wakes up, the light triggering a headache even before he opens his eyes. When he does, however, Lu Yao has to take a long, long moment to figure out just where the fuck he is. 

He’s trying to massage the headache away with his fingers, seated up in bed but having zero energy to get out of it just yet, so when Qiao Chusheng walks through the door with a smile, Lu Yao just stares.

“You’re awake. Great, I got you some fried buns for breakfast, you okay with that? Man Man didn’t say you were on any sort of diet,” the man says casually, as if they are friends.

Lu Yao looks down at himself, and nearly jolts when he realizes he’s in nothing else but a bathrobe.

Before he can panic, Qiao Chusheng adds, “I thought you looked a little uncomfortable sleeping in your jeans and shirt yesterday.”

“I’m sorry,” Lu Yao rasps, trying to wrap his head around why Qiao Chusheng is here, why they’re in a hotel room, and why the fuck the man is even speaking to him in the first place-

He must have inconvenienced the man last night while he was drunk, and instead of throwing him to Man Man, Qiao Chusheng decided to take care of him instead. Maybe Qiao Chusheng could have left him on the streets or something, but he is after all an artist under his company, and if anything strange happened because Lu Yao was drunk, it would be bad for the reputation and image of the company if word got out.

Yes, that’s the only explanation for this.

“I’m sorry for the trouble, Qiao-zong,” Lu Yao says, inching his way out of bed. 

“No trouble at all,” Qiao Chusheng replies. “Come and sit, have some breakfast before you go. I called Man Man, she should be here in a bit to pick you up.”

With that said, it isn’t good for Lu Yao to reject him and just run off no matter how much he wants to right now. He sits down opposite the man at the table, and then picks up the buns.

After he’s literally swallowed three whole buns, Qiao Chusheng comments idly, “I thought it was random when you chose your Weibo account handle, but it seems that you really like cong you bings?”

“Mnn,” Lu Yao nods, wolfing the buns down because he’s hungry as hell, and so he doesn’t’ really register the first part of the man’s sentence, not until he’s on the last bite of his bun.

And then he chokes.

“How did you-?!”

At that, Qiao Chusheng raises an eyebrow, “You showed me your phone yesterday, and introduced to me your favourite account.”

Lu Yao blanches, because he knows which account that is, and then Qiao Chusheng continues, amused, “You were telling me how nice his smile looks. How pretty his eyes are. How strong his arms probably are hidden under that suit. And that you guessed right, he actually does have six-pack-”

“Please stop,” Lu Yao croaks, mortified. “I...”

The man takes pity on him and stops as requested. Lu Yao is frozen in his seat, like a deer caught in headlights, wondering what he should say next.

Qiao Chusheng nods, “Would you like to have lunch with me later?”

“Are you firing me?”

“It’s just lunch,” he answers. “I’m technically your boss, so I understand if you’re uncomfortable with the idea but... we could do lunch, and see how it goes from there.”

And then Qiao Chusheng looks away a little, “And.. I may have been visiting the set not to supervise the interpretation of Youning’s script.”

Once again, it takes him a few solid seconds to connect the dots, and when it does, Lu Yao flushes completely red.

“... we could do lunch,” Lu Yao agrees finally. “But I have to go home and change first.”

When he looks up again, it’s that smile he sees.

===

Weeks later, Chusheng makes Lu Yao repeat every single message he’s left on his posts, all the embarrassing ones, refusing to move if he doesn’t. Lu Yao’s hands balls into fists in the sheets, and says no.

He left a lot of messages! How is he supposed to remember every single one of them?!

Chusheng makes a a convincing argument though, towering over him and not giving into Lu Yao’s requests to fuck him properly until Lu Yao says them. It ends with Lu Yao trying to concentrate enough to speak, word after word.

He’s going to unfollow his boyfriend on Weibo after this!

---

Notes:

1. Qiao Chusheng’s Weibo account name is @/乔楚生mmc = Qiao Chusheng MMC, and this is taken directly from Zhang Yunlong’s own Weibo handle, which is 张云龙mmc. MMC, as I recently found out from Hanyi, stands for mao mao chong = caterpillar/worm? HAHAHAHA

2. Lu Yao’s handle is @/三土葱油饼 = San Tu Cong You BIng, which is a combination of the name San Tu and his favourite fried buns HAHAHA that’s how QCS was inspired to buy fried buns for Lu Yao the morning after

3. The comment that Lu Yao left in Chinese above is: “哥哥帅爆了! 哥哥看我一下~” = Gege you’re handsome af, take a look at me please! Something like that, he was definitely kind of joking when he posted that, but you can imagine Lu Yao being a little troublemaker by posting those comments and once QCS realized it was him, it was payback time? Of course, QCS likes to hear his baobei Lu Yao say anything <3

[fuckingdeadbutroyal]

Jasonette July- Soulmate AU- Part 2

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 -

“How long has this been going on?”, Damians voice was flat. An outsider would maybe even perceive it as bored, but his brothers heard him. Damian Wayne was horrified. “Five and a half days now, to be precise. We have heard of the earthquake but we didn’t know about the metas. That’s why we’re here, save the citizens and catch the-” “How did we not know of any metas in Paris? Why are we only coming to help them now? Look at this place!”, Nightwing interrupted his father, in Jasons opinion rightfully so. Paris was not what he remembered from the posters and booklets he had seen. The city could have lost WW2 and even then it would probably look better than it currently did. “That’s international matters, we’re not even meant to be here but it got out of control so I asked Red Robin to investigate. Now stop complaining and start working.”, Bruce scolded his adoptives and, leaving no room for further interruption, began giving out orders. Dick, Jason, Stephanie and Damian were on citizen-saving duty, while Tim stayed at the manor and guided them per earpiece. Bruce, Cass, Duke and Barbara were on metawatch™, meant to collect more information on the cause of destruction, aswell as the heroes Tim had mentioned in his report. One final tech-check later the formerly crowded rooftop was deserted and Paris had a new crew of support in form of bat-themed vigilantes.

-------------------------

Jason felt...sad. Deeply, desperatly heartbroken. He remembers feeling that way when he first discovered his fathers lack of avenging the death of his second son. But now? Of course, the sight he was currently enduring was horrific. He was sorry it had to come to this, frustrated his hands just weren’t enough to help every Parisian in pain. But that desperation? His inhumane tiredness? The way his whole body just felt numb, as if he were in so much pain his senses just wouldn’t- no couldn’t keep up? He knew it was out of place, his brothers were okay after all. Even Dick, the most emotional one out of his siblings, was much more focused than Jason. He knew it had to do with his soulmate, at least he guessed as much. The thought of them being somewhere in this city, hiding in one of those hyper-secure shelters he had seen while rummaging through the collapsed buildings and pulling out everyone he could find...it was unnerving. Though somehow he knew that that wasn’t the case. 

Upon first taking in the sight of Paris’ ruins Red Hood just knew where he was and what streets he was aiming for. He knew where the shelters were, could guide the civilians towards them and even recognized some of the buidings, even though there was nothing left but dust and dirt. Jason had a gut feeling telling him that all those things weren’t actually his knowledge. It had to be his soulmates. They knew everything he needed to know about the city, they recognized it from above. But one piece of information, which now that Timmy has properly updated them about Paris’ situation should have been absolutely unavoidable, was missing. What do those shelters look like from the inside? 

Why doesn’t his soulmate know?

----------------------------------------

Marinette was on autopilot. It has been four days since her parents death. She hasn’t slept, hasn’t eaten and hasn’t stopped moving. Chat has already collapsed twice, which ended up with her carrying him to one of their recharging-shelters in the water and spending ungodly amounts of time trying to find food and water for him aswell as holding him in place while he slept, hoping to avoid his otherwise certain death by drowning. “What a sad end it would be”, the girl thought to herself, “all that effort, all that pain, and we could just loose it all to a petty accident. Not that there is much left to save...”

She wasn’t going to admit it out loud, but Ladybug, the hero and saviour of Paris, did no longer care about winning. She didn’t think of saving those people who were praying in her name, praying to her. She didn’t believe in god and oh Kwami did she not believe in herself. What she did believe in, though, was revenge. She wanted to kill that dusty bitch, even if it was the last thing she would do. Ladybug didn’t care about the victim. She knew for herself that if she were the one who did this to her beloved City of Love, she could no longer live with herself. She wanted to kill the akuma and even though a voice deep inside her was telling her otherwise, trying to stop her and arguing that this was not what her parents would have wanted, Marinette did not care. She was going to free the petite akuma and then tear it apart with her very own teeth. And guess who’s next? “That’s right, I’m coming for your ass, Shitmoth.”

Her voice woke the boy next to her. She hasn’t even realised how her train of thought has surfaced into the real world until Plagg, who was sleeping on the blondes stomach, started grumbling in despleasure about how his pillow shouldn’t be moving. Adrien sat up, not meeting Ladybugs eyes as he took the cheese she was handing him and giving it to the suddenly awake and alert Kwami who, as always, swallowed it whole. It was kind of nice, reassuring, watching him do something Adrien has formerly perceived as highly annoying. Back then, before “The End of the World”, as he now called it, has fallen from the sky. Or rather dug it’s way out from six feet under, since the main cause of destruction were the earthquakes. Destruction. Thinking of it made Adriens gag-reflexes act up. He hated this akuma. Not only for the obvious reasons. No, Adrien hated how useless he himself felt because of it. Why should he cataclysm something while he’s trying to stop Dirtface from doing so? It was highly contraproductive and Chat could not stand it. It was like watching the person you hate most, fan-girl about something you love. Kind of ruins the experience. Adrien didn’t know if he could use his power the way he did before, ever again. The only upside to it was, that he didn’t have to recharge as often and was therefore capable of protecting his partner whenever she had to hide. 

As long as he didn’t fucking collapse from exhaustion, of course.

“I fainted again, didn’t I?”, he asked, shame crawling into his every pore. He was hoping to avoid that. The first time already came at the price of his identity, though luckily Ladybug has been quick enough to hide him before anyone else could catch a glimpse. Adrien wasn’t aware of it, but once Mari managed to securely position him on one of the upside-down-boats benches, she fell into a hysterical fit of laughter. She cried, she felt as if she were about to choke, as if she were about to finally explode into all those shattered pieces her heart now consisted of. Her laughter, though, showed none of these emotions. An outsider would be afraid to come near her, her parents would not be able to recognize her, she herself would have been disturbed by that sight. If the Joker were there to see it, he would have had to give his crown to her, for her laugh was scarier than any Jokers could ever be. 

----------------------

Marinette just nodded and waited for Chat to suit back up. She didn’t think of his collapses as embarassing. Instead, Ladybug was highly impressed by his skill and endurance. She knew he didn’t have the luxury of someone taking the hit for her, sleeping and eating instead of her. For so long Mari has been trying to convice herself that she realy was, just like Adrien, just like Chat, alone. She wanted to believe that her soulmate was dead, wanted to live and not give a damn about that extra source of pain, which is the only thing she has ever thought of, when it came to feeling any kind of relationship towards her bonded. How could she love what brings her torture? How could she want to love the pain? Now though, with death being all around her, no-one she could turn to and time playing against her...Marinette was relying on them. She would not be able to surive this without her soulmate sleeping instead of her, would have probably fallen to the hands of malnutrition, if it weren’t for them feeding her through that inexplicable bond between their souls. 

Adrien did not have that. He was born without a soulmate, which wasn’t anything unusual. After all, more than half of the worlds population were either born without a soulmate or simply existed during a different century than their significant others. 

Just like Nino, just like Chloe, just like Nathaniel, Kagami and Luka: Adrien isn’t going to stay by Ladybugs side forever. She knew that now. That was okay, though. Because now she was certain of one thing. Her soulmate was alive and, according to her intensifying tiredness as well as that energizing tingling keeping her body up and working, they were on their way to save her.

That carries a tiny problem though.

She had to avoid getting help. She wouldn’t let it happen again.

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HI! First of: Thank you so much for the amazing feedback, I am so fucking grateful you have no idea (or you do? idk. THANK YOU ILY)

This story has gotten much longer than I had planned but tbh I love it. There’s a part 3 and probably a part 4 coming, Though I’ll post it tomorrow ‘cause I gotta write it and like, live life a bit.

Critique and any kind of feedback is very welcome!

I will most probably continue Jasonette July, this is so much more fun than I expected. So see you tomorrow \o/

Thanks for reading^^

P.S.: There's finally some proper Jasonette on the horizon☄

[bibbykins]

Drown Me So I Can Breathe (M)

A/N: Tumblr rlly failed me when I was trying to post this three hours ago buuuuut whatever. I hope y’all enjoy just as much as I would/always enjoy hearing from you all! Hope you all are having a great day/night!

Pairing: (Soft) Yandere! Jungkook x reader

Word Count: 8.6k

Warnings: anxiety, anxiety attack, toxic relationship tendencies, unhealthy relationship, vaginal sex, non-penetrative sex

Summary: You stumble in crashing waves, but you don’t lift your arms for help. You gave that up long ago. There is no breath of fresh air that you can attain. But what if there were a savior with the prettiest lock and key you’ve seen? Would you even be able to see it among the murky waters that drown you?

Don’t worry, you don’t have to see it. You just have to take his hand. You’ll fall into his arms soon enough. Well, not literally fall, of course.

Right?

The crowd was loud in the amphitheater where drunk college festivities took place. You didn't even want to be here in the first place, but alas, you were the ball being shoved back and forth between crowds. It was all the joys of getting seasick without the aid of the actual sea, being too meek to stand your ground in the hustle and bustle, you were pushed, shoved, and it wasn't until you had been shoved roughly on the concrete floor, you made it your mission to get through the crowd alive. You felt the sting on your legs as you remained tossed around like a rag doll until a pair of strong hands set you on your own two feet, unmoving, unwobbling, and under his control.

Jungkook would be a liar if he said he hadn't been watching you the entire time. He didn’t mean to be so transfixed by you. He only went to these things to satisfy his sexual needs. Beyond an orgasm, he wasn't planning on feeling anything tonight.

Plans change.

Tonight was some college prom frat and sorority members who peaked in high school thought would be fun. It had drinks, pounding music, and sweaty people despite a cold environment. It was basically a club with a king and queen. Jungkook, despite his broody and less than forthcoming nature, was a shoo-in for the king. He was young, hot, and despite how selfish he was, still a good lay. He had everything he could want. He had a blossoming job as a sound engineer for the upperclassmen Min Yoongi’s company. Jungkook also gained popularity in his potential singing career with songs he randomly dropped here and there, his place in the seven campus princes furthering his fan count.

He was the youngest of the princes, but he was also the coldest. Jungkook was stone-faced around everyone but his fellow adonis friends. Some admirers chalked it up to him being cute and shy, others made him out to be a grungy broken broody man. You on the other hand, just figured he was a guy with a personality who happened to be cute.

You seldom paid him mind. Yes, he was cute, yes, you would say yes in a heartbeat, but you had a little too much pride to pine after him as many people did.

He was intrigued by you though. You always ended up in one of his classes somehow. At first, he figured you were some fan who somehow figured out his schedule, but this idea was quickly dampened.

You were a good student. A fashion major, he discovered. You had high attention to detail, sometimes to a damaging degree. You sat in the front or back row, sometimes too shy to face the front, but you always had your eyes glued to the professor or book. Even when you and Jungkook had been in a group together, you arranged everything through text message, never going off-topic.

You were a good student. How boring it was for you. You smiled, did work, avoided socializing, and went home. This was your routine. You didn't favor making genuine friendships, it was too complicated. You wanted to date, love, and finally fuck, but the odds of finding a mate who would tolerate being the only person in your life, was slim to none. Of course, you had guys you thought were cute, Jungkook caught your eye the most for obvious reasons, plus he was pretty much a loner already, but he didn't seem like the type to dish out the all-consuming love you craved.

You had been right, Jungkook wasn't until he met you. After the first encounter, to say he had become a tad obsessed would be no lie. At first, it had been his pride, wondering what person wouldn't try to fuck him, but then he realized you were no plain person. You were his ideal girl. You were sweet, and it was genuine, but he could tell you craved something more than smiles and pleasantries. You wanted something more, he just knew it, and he wanted to give it to you. He wanted to give you everything as the time of him keeping tabs on you went on.

With this want, also came the want to keep you all to himself. Once or twice, he's been forced to threaten a few guys dumb enough to say anything about you or asking you out. His friends poked fun as Jungkook once had to Taehyung when he was pining after his current girlfriend, and now he understood his feelings.

Taehyung had told Jungkook he would know when the time to make his feelings known was right to which Jimin confirmed while holding his girlfriend at his side. Jungkook recalled this as he watched you play the role of the ball in a game of crowd ping pong. You were trying to politely squeeze toward what looked like the bathroom as you had your arms close to your chest. Watching how helpless you were, he decided now was the time to begin the love story of his lifetime.

Jungkook rushed into the crowd, people being smart enough to step aside at the sight of his camouflage jacket, and he grabbed you from behind by your shoulders and set your teetering feet back on the ground. You jumped, still wobbly, but thankful to be still for once.

However thankful, you felt sick, super sick. The pressure being in the crowd as well as being shoved for almost 30 minutes straight was rushing back to you, and you stumbled forward, only to be pulled back by the strong set of hands. There was too much going on, too many people, and you felt sick. You were riddled with the feeling of instability and ridicule. You had no sense of ground until the man stabled your stance.

“Can you walk?” The mysterious savior whispered in your ear, and you shivered at the proximity.

You nodded, words getting lost in your choke for air, wondering why people were stealing glances in your direction. You began to walk towards the exit, until your legs gave in, causing you to nearly crumble to the ground, the mystery man being quick to catch you.

The voice scoffed, “Just say no.” He spoke when he went next to you to scoop you up in his arms like a princess.

You wanted to squirm and yelp, but something felt so right about being in his arms. You wanted to be the only one in his arms, staking your claim on this spot you craved to keep. It was this flurry of sensations that made you realize you hadn't looked up to see who this mystery man was, and when you got the courage to, someone bumped into your legs and you nearly fell out of his arms. Out of Jeon Jungkook’s arms.

“Watch it, dick!” He snapped at the culprit, but only gripped you closer, “Fuck, hold onto me, okay?” He whispered in your ear as you nodded, interlocking your hands behind his neck as the lingering stares of the crowd turned into blatant gaping. He walked you towards the exit as you tucked your head into his chest and closed your eyes, trying to be unseen.

Jungkook smiled at your movement. This is what he wanted. He wanted you, enveloped by him, safe, his. The crowning of king and queen had begun while he held you firmly in his arms.

“And the king is… Jeon Jungkook…” The preppy girl paused, “Uh… who is busy, so in the meantime, the queen is…”

You heard the crowd fade as Jungkook waltzed you away from the humid area to civilization and crisp fall air. Suddenly, you could breathe again, “Congratulations.” Your voice was muffled in Jungkook’s shirt.

He snorted, “Congratulations?”

“You're king, yay.” You weakly offered, still muffled as you heard doors open.

He chuckled and you felt his chest vibrate on your cheek, “Gee, thanks, princess.” It seemed he began climbing up steps.

Suddenly, the anxiety that had been bubbling in the pit of your stomach, poured out tears that threatened to spill. You felt like shit. You couldn't handle a crowd, so you ruined Jungkook’s night. He didn't even have a chance to get crowned all because he was being polite.

“Sorry.” You broke the silence that held in the air for a few minutes as he walked, your voice cracking from embarrassment.

Jungkook frowned, “No, no, sweetheart, none of that.” He damn near cooed.

You heard another door open, and when the door closed again, it was silent. It was silent until you began sobbing, “I'm so sorry.” You cried eyes screwed shut while Jungkook sat down, you still in his arms, his collar tight in your fists.

You were ashamed. You were overwhelmed. You had been so scared, so helpless, and despite being thankful, you felt like such a burden.

Jungkook’s heart shattered. He went into panic mode. The love of his life was sobbing in his arms, apologizing. Initially, he wanted to go back to the amphitheater and beat the shit out of every person who so much as bumped into you, but he'd be damned if he would ever leave your side. Now, he just wanted to see you smile. He just wanted to tell you it was okay, and he loves you, and at the moment he lacked the ability to deem such thoughts irrational.

He had taken you to his apartment near the amphitheater. You had been in and out of sleep for most of the walk, so when Jungkook reached his room above the lobby, taking the stairs to avoid the elevator startling you, he wanted nothing more than to do what he was at that moment. Hold you.

Jungkook rocked you back and forth as you cried it out, shushing you each time you apologized. In the medical record of yours he happened to come across, completely by chance, of course, he saw you had certain symptoms of social anxiety. He figured the crowd must have sent you into a mild anxiety attack, and he just wanted you safe. The safest place was in his arms.

“Don't worry, princess, you're okay.” He spoke lowly, soothing you as he sat down on his bed with you in his lap.

“W-Why are you doing this?” You cried. You could very well ask yourself the same question. It wasn't like you to break down like this, not in front of people, let alone the hottest and meanest guy on campus. Yet this hot, mean, guy was talking you down. You loved it. You craved this for so long, and you wanted to keep it like this. You wanted Jungkook. You realized at that moment, Jungkook must be the one for you. He had to be. Nobody had ever taken any effort to so much as check up on your well being. It was all small talk and half-empty compliments, but Jungkook was full of emotion.

“Oh, y/n, sweet, sweet princess,” He mused and to his delight, your muscles relaxed as he stroked your hair, “It should've have been like this since I first laid eyes on you.”

“Wha-”

“Shh, calm down fully first, questions later.” His soothing voice ordered and you nodded, submissive. You didn't want to think too hard about the logistics of this moment anyway, you would only confuse yourself, “Right now it’s just me and you, that’s all that matters.”

"Me and you…" You echoed.

You both stayed like this for a while until your breathing went even and you relaxed in his embrace and let your eyes drift closed.

The dreams you had were whispers from a lonely past that haunted more often than naught. They held you underwater and left you to face yourself with the nothing you had surrounded yourself with. The eerie symbolism your subconscious brought worried you as you spent your years in a mirroring emotional solitude.

But tonight was different.

Tonight you drifted above water, breathing in a much fuller atmosphere than you were accustomed to. Two muscular arms kept you afloat as puffs of air hit your neck ever so softly. Cologne held you in emotional comfort as you soaked up the air in a paradise you never properly acknowledged as yours to breathe in.

You felt a hand on your hip as you took it in your own, bringing it to your cheek. It was comfortable, a loving silence enveloped you in the wisps of consciousness. You wished to stay like this, not wanting to face the obligatory awkward morning full of confusion and hazy answers to rock-solid questions.

However, you still had some of your logic left as you turned your body to face Jungkook. He was sleeping still as you looked at him. It was funny how relaxed he looked yet how tightly he gripped you. Not that you minded, of course. He was a beautiful man, this much you knew to be true. He had the softest features when not so on guard.

You looked past him to see the time was half-past nine and you had a class in a half-hour, “Shit!” You cursed softly, causing Jungkook to wake up under the assumption you were hurt.

“You okay?” His voice was deeper and groggy and it made your entire body quake.

“I-no, I have a class soon, so I have to go.” You sighed forcing yourself up before pulling the covers off only to see your short dress, “Oh goodness, it's going to look like a walk of shame.” You huffed at your thigh highs that fell to under your knees.

“Not if you borrow something of mine.” Jungkook was stretching as he spoke and you could see the outline of his biceps. You gulped, nodding mindlessly, “I have some joggers and a shirt that-”

“I'm wearing thigh highs and black heels.” You whined, “I'll look insane.” Jungkook chuckled at this before thinking for a moment. Your outfits always had a very evident amount of effort in them, and it was endearing to see how much you cared.

“My shirts may be longer than your dress though.” He stood, going to his closet as you followed suit, “I have a flannel since it's cold.” He presented the black and red garment to you.

“Perfect!” You giggled as you pulled up your thigh highs, making the male in front of you gulp, “Oh...can you unzip me?” You felt your cheeks heat as you turned.

Jungkook gulped once again as he grabbed the delicate zipper and pulled it down. He wondered when he would be able to repeat this action with a more sultry mood. Your skin looked so soft. He wondered how it would feel on his lips.

Once you felt the dress slacken and Jungkook pull away you slipped the flannel over your arms, buttoning from top to bottom as you let the dress fall from under it. He almost wanted to scold you for being so blatant about showing your body, but he couldn't help but find your naivety endearing as well. You left the top two buttons apart as you slipped on the pumps you wore last night. He watched you maneuver the shirt to expose your collarbone that he wanted to run his lips across too,, “Okay, how do I look?” You turned to Jungkook and damn near took his breath away.

You were wearing his shirt like a beautiful dress and he fought the giddy smile from how proud you looked in doing so. The shirt had a very distinctive J.K. on the sleeve and he loved that you were branded by him, “Beautiful.”

You smiled softly, “Thanks,” You broke the trance once you saw the time creeping closer to your class, “Well I should go, I'll see you later!” You missed before grabbing your purse with the intent to buy a notebook and pen for the lecture and rushed out the door.

Jungkook smiled giddily as the door shut. Fuck, you were cute. Part of him was sad that you were in such a rush to leave, but so long as you wore his shirt, he found peace. He turned to gather his things for a shower. He first grabbed his phone to see that you were typing on the messenger. He texted Namjoon a bit for useless advice before his door opened. Before he could turn, two arms wrapped around his stomach.

Before he could instinctually think to pry the person off, he saw the familiar embroidered initials on your sleeve, “Thank you so much for last night.” You mumbled in the fabric of his shirt, “I could never repay you.”

Jungkook enclosed his arms around yours as he looked at the embroidered initials you held on the cuff of the flannel, and he smiled softly, “You doing this is repayment enough.”

“We have to meet up later, because I have a lot of questions, and I'm sure you do too." You nuzzled into his back before letting go, “I'll message you, okay?” You reached for the door.

“I'll look forward to it.” He called before you shut the door. He broke out into a goofy smile as soon as he heard your heels click on the carpeted halls of the apartment and to the front door before shutting it.

The cab you took back to campus cut the 15-minute walk to a 5-minute drive that gives your fast walk a chance to buy the notebook and pen you planned to get and get to class on time. You hated this class actually counted attendance towards a grade since it prevented you from a blissful morning with Jungkook.

Jungkook. You had to pause your thoughts for a moment to properly assess that the fact was Jungkook a factor in your mind that wasn't rooted in fantasy. He had talked you down and held you like it was his obligation, but the craziest part is that it was his choice. You hadn't spoken with him much beyond casual texts, so what inspired such compassion from him.

You propped your head on your palm as your anthropology professor’s words were put to your new notebook. It was the same formula in each class. He would lecture and then pose a question to discuss with someone for five to ten minutes and then lecture some more. Wash, rinse, repeat. The question was to discuss one's theory of evolution and you sighed before turning to your seat neighbor in the lecture hall.

“So, evolution happened, right?” Jisoo, a notably perky and preppy girl, looked at you as you nodded, “Cool, so we got the same theory right?” You shrugged, “Okay, anyway, why are you wearing Jungkook’s shirt?” She smirked at you.

You balked, “Wh-What?” Was all you could muster in the midst of the shock that clouded your brain.

“I know that signature monogram on the sleeve anywhere.” She pointed to your left sleeve and you gasped at the very blatant JK in white, “It cannot be replicated. Taehyung's girlfriend has a crazy precise hand and Jungkook’s family started buying from her.”

“What the hell?” You murmured as you studied the eloquent calligraphy that you somehow missed.

“No stress, I'm not some wannabe campus princess to the princes.” She went on, “But my annoying roommate is and I would just kill to tell her that another has been snatched up into monogamy.” She jeered lightly.

“Well, I-we-” You paused to try and find the words to explain the situation.

“Holy shit, you're the girl he was carrying last night, right?” Jisoo squealed among the hushed conversations of the students around you both, “You so are!” You felt your face heat, “The world is on my side today.” She beamed, “My roommate's sorrow fuels me.”

“Jungkook and I are not…” You didn't want to deny it because the possibility could be there if you played your cards right and prayed to each deity, so you settled with, “We aren't official or anything.” You said with a slight sorrow in your voice, “We didn't even… do anything last night.”

“He never gives his shirts to one night stands.” Jisoo stated matter-of-factly, “Plus he hasn't had anyone in like a month, it's only a matter of time before the other shoe drops.” She noticed your concerned look, “Yes, my roommate is this obsessed and never shuts the fuck up.”

“But we-” You were cut off by your professor bringing the lecture back into rhythm.

“Thank you, y/n, you've honestly made my day.” She held your hand briefly before returning to her notes.

As the day went on, you noticed something odd. You were being gawked at. If you were in a musical, all those whispers would be a very good intro into a song. However, you were not in a musical, because even this was just too outlandish. It was constant whispering and side-eyes. Maybe it would have been easier if you and Jungkook had a label so that you could say an answer to the occasional interrogation you faced instead of sputter a non-committal one.

Finally, you finished your classes for the day and confirmed with Jungkook you would meet at his place. The day was breezy, so you figured a walk wouldn't kill you. That is until you saw Jungkook in the courtyard walking away from the usual table he frequents with a smile plastered on his face.

Maybe it was the way the light hit him or the fact that he was so breathtaking you felt your throat dry. A wave of embarrassment that neglected to hit you this morning engulfed you. For goodness sake, you were parading around in his monogrammed shirt with nothing but your bra and underwear beneath it. Not to mention the fact you were stockings too. What the fuck was going on? You are not his girl, so why were you even entertaining the idea? The shame you felt for even feeling like you could be something was drowning your short-lived self-confidence quickly. You wanted to run back to your dorm and hide.

On second thought, that sounded like a great idea.

You opted to make a beeline for your dorm as inconspicuous as possible, seeing as it was in the direction Jungkook was heading in. You assumed he was going to his car in the student lot that was in front of your building. Go figure.

Your lack of knowledge when it came to Jungkook’s feelings for you did you in. He had tunnel vision. He swore it was some unspoken soulmate connection that always seemed to train his eyes right to your meek form not so subtly fast walking past him. A small smile formed on his face as he jogged up to you.

Your anxious tunnel vision prevented you from noticing the man walking next to you with a grin slapped onto his face, “Slow down, princess, I'm in some pretty heavy combat boots.” His deep voice made you jump and completely miss your footing, making your knee strive to make contact with the concrete. Strong hands held you up before that could happen, though. This lead you into a half-kneeling position before those hands pulled you upright.

“Sorry.” You huffed out, watching your breath dissipate in the air.

Jungkook looked down at your chest unsteadily rising and falling, “Hey, hey, it's okay.” He spoke softly into your ear as his hands reached for yours from behind and he pressed against you so you could feel his chest as he breathed deeply. He smiled at how you relaxed ever so slightly, “Good girl.” He mused as he watched your chest rise and fall a little more steadily.

“People are staring.” You mustered shyly, “They might think-”

“I want them to.” He stated firmly and it made you shiver, “Come on, let's go talk.” He stepped next to you, his left hand remaining intertwined with your right one as he pulled you lightly in his direction.

Your feet moved on their own accord as your mind tried to add up how the hell Jeon Jungkook knew how to: 1. Recognize when you were plagued by the bubbling of an anxiety attack and 2. Bring you back down from boiling over. There was too much going on and the shame that was squeezing at your throat began to loosen its grip as your tightened on Jungkook’s.

Jungkook smiled at you as you both walked through campus and to his evidently expensive car, “It's a bit much, but I bought it when I was 18, what do you expect?” He chuckled a bit as he opened the passenger door for you. You silently cursed to yourself at how weak in the knees he made you.

“My car predated me before it was totaled.” You chuckled a bit at the stark difference between every aspect of you and Jungkook.

Jungkook chose not to ask you what you meant by totaled. He didn't want to bring back harsh memories of what he could only assume was a death-defying car crash. All the signs were there from the way you tense when somebody yells or some idiot crushes a tin can obnoxiously. He's watched you long enough to know how to put two and two together. Almost everything you do has a reason.

The seats in his car were a deep black leather that reminded you of some cosmic wormhole you could get lost into. It was like a portal into another realm, but there was a slight sting in your nerves at the thought of how many women have sat in the same seat as you with a much heavier mood than this one.

Heavy.

It was now that the weight of your situation hit you harder than ever. Jungkook’s hand had made its way onto your own at some point. Odds are, the way his thumb was rubbing on your palm was the only thing keeping you from dry heaving the anxiety attack you've been swallowing down for the past 10 minutes. You wanted to hate yourself for being so susceptible to his touch. It felt so pathetic. Like you were some charity case or minor piece of some teen movie bet he made with his friends.

There was no way this shit could be real.

That's what you kept repeating to yourself the whole way to his apartment. Even when walking through the very nice building and waiting for the glass elevator. Up the 7 floors, you unintentionally counted and finally to the mahogany door that read 709 in gold numbers.

The living room was quite wonderful. A color palette of black and white reigned throughout. It was very indicative of the serious side of him. However, occasional knick-knacks and posters told you there was a side of him most people don't see, one that you have only seen a small semblance of.

All this, unfortunately, wasn't enough to quell the tightness in your chest as you tried not to obsess over how taboo this all feels.

“Jungkook.” Your mouth spoke before you could stop it. The man in question snapped his head up at the sound of his name, but more so the sound of your voice. Now with his undivided attention, you had no words.

This isn't right.

What is going on?

Is this some sort of sick joke?

Do you always do this?

Instead, all that came out was, “Wh-Where'd you get this candle?” You could beat the shit out of yourself and still not be satisfied as you pointed at the strawberry mint candle with the shakiest of hands. You made a complete 180 as you faced your back to Jungkook to admire the glass candle that obviously had a store name on the label.

Jungkook smiled knowingly. You were so cute. So nervous, scared, confused, and all you could ask was where he got a candle. You were on guard, and he was sane enough to understand why. It made sense. However, sanity only stretches so far between him and his group of friends.

There was an overwhelming presence in the air around you and you couldn't pinpoint why it was so apparent until you felt a rock hard torso press into you, “It was a gift.” Your breath hitched at the gruff voice behind you as you felt Jungkook's nose survey your neck, “But I don't think you care about it that much, hm?” You shuddered when you felt the vibration of his question against your neck.

“H-Hm…” Was all you could muster as your knees nearly locked.

“Fuck.” Jungkook growled as his hands locked in the front of your hips, pulling you flush against him, “I'm really trying to take it slow here, and you are making me so fucking hard.”

You gulped and only then did you realize you were salivating, “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.” You said before immediately regretting it. Why couldn't you ever go with any flow?

The tension snapped with a hearty laugh and a kiss on the top of your head, “Son of a bitch, you are so cute.” He mused, spinning you to face him, “I'm sorry if I scared you, I just…” A hint of red dusted his cheeks as his brown eyes darted across the room, “Feel so much for you.”

While you could infer as much considering the past 24 hours, you could not deduce, “Why?” You blurted out, “Not to sound annoying, but I genuinely don't get it.”

“You are so genuine.” Jungkook looked in your eyes, more confident now, “Everything about you is so honest and yet there is so much more I could only see now that I am this close to you.” It was then you realized his nose had been touching yours and there was an almost magnetic pull that caused you to tilt your head up and flutter your eyes closed.

This was it. This was his chance to burst out laughing and talk about how dumb you look. It was now or never, really. He still had time to pull back and kick you out. It would be so much easier for both of you.

However, your thoughts were quickly shut down by plush lips meeting your own. Jungkook's hands gripped your hips as he brought you closer and deepened the kiss. This spurred you to travel on hand up to his chest and the other to the back of his neck and you brushed through his hair, making him groan into your mouth. Before you could even think, your tongues were intertwined, no fight for dominance needed. It was a dance and you happily gave Jungkook the lead.

After a millennia of exploring each other's mouths, you both pulled back ever so slightly to breathe, “I don't want anyone else to see this much of you.” Jungkook's breathed as his hand went to stroke your warm cheek, “Too precious, so beautiful.” He mused, “I want you for myself.”

“Me?”

“You.” Jungkook confirmed, “Be mine.”

“This doesn't make sense-” You shook your head, trying to break from the trance he had you in but his hands that cupped your face kept you trained on him.

“Do you want to be mine?” He asked firmly, “Because I know I want to be yours more than anything.” This made your breath hitch, “I want to be the only one who can touch you, kiss you, hold you, fuck if I had it my way I would be the only one able to even look at you.”

“Jungkook where is this coming from-”

“Do you want to be mine?” He asked sternly, “Answer me honestly, princess.” He spoke firmly as you were forced to look into his eyes.

“I do, but I-” You were cut off with a heart-melting kiss. The only thing you could think of was that you were his.

The kiss was Jungkook telling you everything you needed to hear. He was pacifying you and it was liberating to be cared for. It had been you looking after yourself for so long. His hands went under your thighs and you wrapped your legs around him. He held you so tightly, you felt safe. You felt safe as he kissed down your neck

You were lost in the feeling of his lips against your skin until you heard your shoe drop, "Kook." Was all you could muster but it was enough for him to pull away for a moment, breath heavy and pupils blown. The sight of him being so fucked out after just kissing shook you to your very core, "D-Don't trip on my shoe-" You sputtered as your other shoe fell too, "Shoes, I mean." You smiled sheepishly as you watched the corner of his lips twitch before a cheesy smile sprung into his face. The mood in the room shifted dramatically and cursed yourself, "Oh I didn't mean to fuck up the mood, I want to do...it...with you-" You paused and huffed in frustration, still avoiding eye contact, "I sound so dumb, can you just… shut me up?" You finally gained the courage to look at him, pupils still blown, mouth agape in a short smirk, and his tongue made an appearance to swipe across his bottom lip.

Jungkook simply shifted you to where you could feel his bulge against you clothed core and you gasped at the sensation, "Oops." He shrugged before diving back into your neck.

"Shit." You moaned out, pressing yourself harder against his erection. With this movement, you felt the vibration of a growl against your neck as your back pressed harder against the wall.

In this frenzy of sensations, your eyes only shot open when one of Jungkook's hands slipped past your underwear to rub your sex, fingers instantly coated in your juices. Both of you groaned in tandem at the sensation.

Jungkook could barely work through his thoughts. Everything he had been doing was purely primal. The innate ecstasy of having your lips on his clouding his mind and when he felt how wet you were, he could no longer hold himself back. His filthy thoughts were coming to a head as one of his fingers slipped into you with such tantalizing ease. He leaned his head up to lick the shell of your ear and you let out another delicious gasp at your own sensitivity, "Fuck, you're so wet." He growled into your ear, finger pushing in and out, "I slipped in so easily, and yet, your pretty little pussy keeps sucking my finger back in." He pushed another finger in, "What a greedy little thing you are, hm?:

Your mouth popped open, tongue sticking out ever so slightly as Jungkook fucked your pussy with only two fingers. Your face was red from his explicit words in your ear, but you by no means wanted him to stop, "Please, Kook, I want you inside me."

At your pleading, he curled his fingers up, "What?" He mused tauntingly, "This isn't enough?"

You shook your head, "I want you so bad." You moaned out as he slipped a third finger in.

"How bad?" His voice was husky in your ear before turning to look at your face. His resolve to tease you was shaken drastically at your lewd expression.

"I need it!" You cried out, feeling your high creeping closer, but not wanting to achieve it before you became one with him, "I want your cock inside me so bad!" You moaned out and in an instant, Jungkook freed his hardened erection out only to rip your panties to rub around your exposed opening.

"Ask nicely." He teased, despite his voice very evidently being strained.

"Please fuck me, Jungkook!" Your eyes rolled back as you felt him push inside you with a satisfied grunt when you were filled to the hilt.

The feeling of being so full was intoxicating and when he began thrusting something awoke within you as your arms locked around your neck to allow you the leverage to bounce up and down as he held you up in the air, "Fuck, baby." He moaned out as your hips worked wildly on his dick, "So fucking good to me." He managed before moaning out again as your nails dug into his shoulder.

He felt the need to put you in your place as he turned to lay you both on the sofa, him above you, pounding mercilessly hands ripping the flannel on your body open, the clatter of the buttons falling on deaf ears as he pulled your bra down to suck on your nipple while he fucked you into oblivion, "I've waited so long to feel you around me, fuck." He was in bliss as his hips snapped against you.

His hand went to pinch your other nipple as you began to tighten around him. His hips were beginning to stutter as you both approached your orgasms.

"You gonna cum around me, princess?" He began to thrust harder as you could only let out a choked moan, trying to nod in response, "Do it, baby, cum for me." You didn't need to be told twice as the swirling in your stomach snapped and your well-deserved release came as your vision went white, a scream ripping from your throat.

Feeling you around him was intoxicating. He could hardly control his hips as he ground against you, needier than he had ever been in his life. He was chasing his release, but he also wanted to be inside you like this forever. You were panting as his mouth wrapped around your nipple and you clenched around him. This spurred Jungkook to reach his peak that much quicker with his hips barreling into you until he came with a low moan, hips thrusting spastically as you and he rode out the sensation together.

Your chest heaved as you tried to regain your senses. Jungkook pulled out slowly as you grimaced at the sensation.

He let out a breathy chuckle against your ear at this, "Trust me, baby, I'd kill to stay inside…" He trailed off jokingly as you scrunched your nose with a laugh.

He smiled at you before he made quick work of the condom you hadn't even known was there before redressing himself. You fell asleep, memories of him dressing you in a large T-shirt and slipping a pair of boxers up your legs hazy at best.

Finally, for the second time in 24 hours, you were carried to his bed.

Jungkook slept like a rock with you in his arms, knowing that you were safe and finally his. He wouldn't be surprised if a pleased smile was brushed across his mouth the entire night. The post-sex glow only adding to the grandiose pleasure of carrying you into his bed again. He had been so close to losing you so many times, but in the end, it only proves you both were meant to be. He loved you. He knew that much, and confidently. However, that confession would have to wait. He didn't want to even think of overwhelming you or scaring you away.

You woke up much more naturally than you were used to. You flicked your eyes upward only to see the sun void in the sky. You looked at Jungkook's clock to see it was 4:00AM. You sighed dreamily as you looked at Jungkook. He looked more boyish when he was asleep, his domineering aura not present at the moment. You propped yourself up on your elbow as you studied his face at the moment. You lightly poked his cheek with an amused glance.

Not wanting to seem creepy, you opted to get water and then go back to bed. You softly tossed the covers off your body, and all was well until you stood up. Your standing time clocked in at 5 seconds and your walking time at 2 as you crumbled to the hardwood, thighs slapping against it, "Shit!" You blurted, forgetting how long it's been since you had sex.

Jungkook woke up immediately. He sprang into a sitting position as he looked around the darkroom for your form once he realized you weren't next to him, "Baby?" His voice was so much deeper, sleep still present and you would've been a lot more turned on if you weren't on the floor, "Y/n?!" He was growing more panicked until he heard you.

"Here." You raised your hand and his eyes darted to the direction if your meek voice.

"Princess?" He was more confused this time as his legs swung over the bed to reach your crumbled form, "What are you doing here, huh?" He looked down as you, legs splayed on either side, "Not trying to run from me, are you?" He laughed nervously.

You didn't catch his tone and shook your head, "Can we just say I like the floor and not that I can't walk straight?" You lifted your hand, asking for help. You could see his smug smirk as he leaned down to pull your arms so he was holding you much like he was not long ago, "I just wanted water." You mumbled through pouting lips.

"We can go get some." He held the smirk on his face as you clung to him. He walked with you to the kitchen like that, setting you on the counter before handing you a glass. He stroked your thighs as you tipped the glass between your lips.

You gave him a smile, wet lips glistening as you offered him the glass, "Want some?" He shook his head with a blissful smile as he gave you a slow kiss.

You pulled apart, sipping on the water while Jungkook watched the skin of your thighs in his hands. He squeezed them, enjoying how you looked under his touch, how liberating it felt to touch you all he wanted, "You're so fucking beautiful." He breathed, leaning down to place a kiss on top of your right thigh, before moving to the other. It was softer than he envisioned.

"Kook?" You questioned as you set the glass down on the granite. He placed his hands on your knees, spreading them slowly, placing kisses up your knees. You breathed hitched as he reached your inner thigh, only to deflate when he moved to the other knee.

"Your skin is so soft." He nearly moaned against your thigh, and it wasn't until he was just a couple kisses from your core that he let out a hearty moan, "You smell so fucking good." He growled out as you felt his nose press against your clothed pussy. He stretched the material of the briefs and you felt the pressure of the taut fabric against you. You bit your lips at this, "Can I eat you out, baby?" His nose stayed at your center and you wondered how you weren't grossed out as his strongest hands spread you further, "I am a little… parched now that I think about it." He pulled away to give you a devilish smile as he put your legs over his shoulders.

"Can we at least go to the bedroom?" You whined, "This countertop looks really nice."  Jungkook breathed a small chuckle.

"I guess I can wait just a little bit." His eyes flicked back up to you from the definite wet spot on the white boxers he gave you, "Hold on tight."

Your eyebrows scrunched, "What do you- OH MY GOD!" Faster than you could blink, Jungkook grabbed you by the thighs and held your pussy against his face, legs locking behind his neck, and hands frantically going into his hair as you became much taller than you could ever imagine.

He groaned as you writhed against him, his mouth catching kisses upon your lips through the increasingly annoying item of clothing. You squeaked each time as he skillfully maneuvered his way back to the bedroom. His arms had locked against your thighs, keeping you on his shoulders as he shamelessly pressed you up against the wall to lick you through the fabric. The soreness was easier to ignore as you let bliss and pleasure overtake your senses.

"Not enough." You whined and felt Jungkook chuckle against you.

He laid you on the bed, "You're such a brat when you're horny." He teased before moving the boxers so quickly off of you he tore them.

"Rich coming from the Hulk here-FUCK!" You threw your head back when Jungkook licked a thick stripe on your clit.

"What was that, baby?" He placed a hand flat on your sex as you writhed against him.

"Please, Kook." You let out a strangled moan when the nickname sent him into a lovesick frenzy on your pussy. His mouth found home on your clit, and he groaned at the squeal that left your beautiful lips.

Jungkook could do this all day, all night. You were so undeniably gorgeous, and you tasted like heaven. You were his awakening. You were his savior. But most importantly, you were his. His main goal seemed to be memorizing the feel of you under his tongue. This was the most selfish head he has given to someone who was enjoying it so much. His dick was absolutely twitching at each time you squirmed, he tried to pull himself through his boxers and give himself relief, but he could only moan when his hands left his own appendage to hold your hips still. He almost lost it when you let out the cutest whine as he left your clit to kiss up your body.

"I was so close." You murmured, hands on your eyes. He wondered how you were still so shy despite screaming his name only moments ago.

He pushed the shirt up as his mouth set its course to your own, stopping to grab your breasts, tongue going to each nipple as you let out a soft gasp each time the muscle twirled around the sensitive buds. His mouth reached your neck as he sucked with a ferocity that would surely leave a mark. He licked the area of busted capillaries with a satisfied smile you could feel against your neck. Your arms lay on his shoulders, hands in his hair as his mouth lay on yours. You almost stopped him, not wanting to taste yourself, but you relented. His lips looked so kissable, and he actually wanted to kiss you.  You pulled him closer to you, feeling his bare dick on your equally bare core.

You gasped at the sensation. You both knew there was no way you could handle being penetrated again, but when his hips instinctively bucked, grinding his length along you, an alternative arrived. You nodded lightly, nibbling on his bottom lip. He grunted as his hips moved hesitantly again. He took your moan into his mouth and as a sign to keep going. He ground down hard and you almost threw your head back.

"Fuck." He growled as pressed himself against you, "You got me so fucking hard for you, princess." His lips moved against yours, "Can you feel how much I want you, baby?"

"Yes, yes!" You were being fucked into the bed and you loved the sensation of your body bouncing against him, his shaft against your clit making a delicious sensation for you, "I want you too, I-I-" You cut yourself off with a gasp of pleasure as your eyes rolled back. The very act of getting off by just grinding was so erotic, you could barely keep your tongue in your mouth, the heavy atmosphere too much for you not to taste.

"Oh, shit," He grunts as he rutted against you, "You what, baby, hm?" His hips moved expertly as you could feel yourself getting closer. You were losing your mind as he went to capture your lips again.

"I-fuck!" You moaned out as his thrusts became more desperate, "I love you so much, Kookie, fuck!" You lost your mind. You hadn't even thought of the words before they left your mouth with a moan.

Jungkook nearly saw white when he heard you say those words. Those wonderful little words. You were just like him, weren't you? So lonely, yet so sure of what you felt. You had to be, right? You were his, after all. You would continue to be.

He sped his movements up in the chase for his high and excitement at your confession, "Yeah? You love me?" You nodded weakly as the bed shook, "I love you so fucking much, baby." His lips moved against yours as he spoke, "Fuck, fuck-AH!" He cursed as he came, ropes of cum decorating your pelvis as you came, legs enclosing around his muscular body to keep him pressed against you. His hips moved ever so slightly as you both rode out your highs, chests heaving against one another.

When the morning came, Jungkook found empty sheets next to him, inciting another wave of panic as he sat up, checking the floor frantically. When you weren't there, he sprang up, ripping his bedroom door open, causing your form on the couch to jump, "Oh my!" You gasped, halting movements, needle and thread in hand along with a familiar flannel in your lap, "Never startle a seamstress." You placed your hand over your chest.

Jungkook was relieved, walking over to you wordlessly to plant a kiss on your lips and you smiled into it, "Never scare me into thinking you left." He mumbled against your mouth, stealing another kiss.

You nodded as he pulled away, "I'd never leave you, Kook." You smiled blissfully, "I may be a little crazy, but I'm not stupid."

Jungkook plopped on the sofa cushion next to you, "I know, baby." He was all too satisfied with your answer, "So what was so important I woke up alone?" He was still a bit pouty and you rolled your eyes.

"Well somebody, not gonna name any names," You glared at him, "Likes to rips things, such as buttons, off of a very lovely shirt." You gestured to the flannel in hand, "Ironically enough, you're a clothes ripper with a clothes fixer as a girlfriend who loves you enough to use said skills." You teased as he watched your hands expertly attach the buttons to the shirt.

"Well, I love you too, angel." He planted a kiss on your cheek as you reddened, "You don't have to fix the clothes, though." He pointed out and you shrugged, "Whatever I rip, I'll buy you an even better version of it." He breathed against your ear and you giggled. You almost forgot how unbelievably wealthy he was.

"Well, I like this shirt." You admired your work of the buttons, "It has sentimental value." You mused as you placed it and the sewing materials on the table.

Jungkook to the chance to pull you into his lap as you let out a squeak. He brushed his nose along your neck, admiring his markings before you laid your head against his chest, "You're so fucking cute." He sighed as you buried your head in his chest, "I hope you know I mean it." He breathed, "I love you."

You sighed dreamily, "I love you, Kook." You mused, "I never knew I did, but it feels like I always have."

He squeezed you a little tighter, "And always will." You nodded with a smile and your eyes closed, missing his serious expression.

Jungkook was not messing around anymore. You were his now. He had everything he needed, and he would go to the ends of the Earth to keep it that way. You would hardly leave his sight, and he would give you the world. All you had to do was love him, be with him, stay near him, and he could ensure your wildest dreams would come true. You were his wildest dream, after all, it's the least he could do to pay you back for spending the rest of your life with him, right?

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #301

“i was waiting for my chance to find the light”

Did you like the beach a lot more as a kid more than you do now? Why/Why not? I did. Everything was more fun as a kid. I never REALLY loved it, though, because I did and still do hate the heat and walking through sand and getting it stuck all over you. It's pretty much torture now because I have extreme difficulty walking through sand. Has there ever been a time where you just couldn't stop crying? Explain. I know I've had days many years ago when my PTSD was truly awful where I'd sob multiple times a day. What's your least favorite time of day? Why don't you like that time?Late afternoon, like around 3-4 or so. By that point I'm usually bored senseless and going downhill. Do you like your lips? Do you enjoy kissing? They're fine, ig. And I mean yeah, if I'm really into the person? Do you like any music from the American Idols? Which ones? Ngl, I don't even remember any besides Kelly Clarkson, and who the FUCK doesn't like "Breakaway." Do you like when people challenge you? If so, in what? No, I get nervous about embarrassing myself. Personally for you, is falling for someone way beyond your control? It is entirely out of my control. What's something other than a fruit that you love in milkshakes? (Ex.twix ) Mostly chocolate stuff, haha. What is your all time FAVORITE milkshake? Ever tried the Reese's Blast from Sonic? That's some A+ shit. What's the latest you've ever stayed up reading a book? No clue. When having a peanut butter & jam sandwich, what is the best kind of jam? Grape. Do you like to write poetry? Yeah, but it's been a long time since I wrote anything. I used to do it aaall the time, but now I have to be seriously motivated and dedicated to the idea. When you get mad do you cry? Absolutely. Would you ever consider modeling? No. I do think one or two model-esque photos of myself would be nice and possibly help my self-confidence, but it's not something I'm seeking out and paying for. Are you scared of crossing bridges? Not very, no. If they're kinda sketchy-looking, I might feel a tad tense, but I'm not really scared of them. Would you consider yourself clumsy? I am unfuckingbelievably clumsy. Ever bought ice cream from an ice cream truck? Yeah, sometimes Mom would let me and my sisters do that as kids when one came through our neighborhood. Have you ever had a poem or story published? No. If you had/have a kid would you ever let them get a tattoo? If they were of the appropriate age, of course. And if they were getting it done professionally and not at some party drunk with friends. They better be in a sterile environment with someone who knows what they're doing. Do you love guinea pigs? Absolutely. I had three or four as pets when I was a kid. What is the worst thing you ever did that got you grounded? Probably run away from home. Have you ever been chased by a snake? No... and this is a misconception. Snakes don't chase. They go for what they see as the safest escape route, and sometimes they identify your own chosen direction as where they wanted to head, too. Where do you wanna work? I want to be a freelance photographer. What awards have you won? A lot of "A honor roll" trophies through school, among other academic awards. I seriously don't know what happened to that intelligence. I also have dance awards and lots of childhood sports team stuff. Would you consider yourself good at taking care of kids? I don't think I am, no. I'm way too nervous and awkward around kids. I've had to babysit for my sister twice though, and Ashley told me the kids had lots of fun and had no complaints. I guess like... I can do it, I am just very, very uncomfortable taking kids under my wing. I worry about leading them in the wrong direction. How old would a guy have to be before you wouldn't date them? I don't know, it would really depend on how much I was into the person. I generally stick with the approximation of a ten year gap though being my limit, so I think maybe him being in his mid-30s would make me feel a bit too weird. Be honest, have you ever tried weed? No, but quite honestly, I'd probably try an edible. I refuse to smoke anything for my lungs' sake. I'm curious if medical marijuana would actually be beneficial for me. Has anyone ever broken up with you with a note? No, but uh... I have, lol. It's how I broke up with my "puppy-dog love" boyfriend in middle school. Literally after he asked me if I was thinking of breaking up with him, and I said no before handing him the note because I was just too scared to do it to his face. I know, that was absolutely awful. Never, ever do that to the most innocent boy ever, kids. He didn't deserve that. Do you have sensitive teeth? Kinda. What was the worst thing you ever did to get detention/suspended? I've only ever had detention once for having too many tardies to my first class of the day in high school. We'd frequently arrive to school just a few minutes late because I was fucking impossible to drag out of bed. Have you ever suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder? Yes. Do you suffer from nasal allergies? Yes. What's your favorite kind of pudding? I only really like chocolate pudding. Have you done anything really interesting lately? I guess you could consider starting a virtual partial hospitalization program "interesting." It's not the intensive version like my first was, but rather being shorter. I just really need something to get my mental health back on the tracks. What’s the latest really fun thing you’ve done? REALLY fun? Hell if I know. I don't experience "fun" a lot at all anymore... I only ever feel like, this watered down, unenthusiastic sorry excuse for it. Have you discovered any good music lately? Oh yeah, I've found lots of 3TEETH songs I'm mad into. "ULTRAnumb" by Blue Stahli is also a total bop. How about any good new television shows? No. Or perhaps some interesting books? Nothing new, no. Have you picked up a new hobby or learned a new skill? I mean, within what timespan? Nothing lately, really. Has anybody ever done your makeup for you? Yeah. Do you own any sparkly items of clothing? No. What’s the most colorful accessory you own and use? *shrug* Do you enjoy drag artists’ work? If so, name some of your favorites. Oh yes, I have wild respect for drag queens. I don't know enough of them to have a fair favorite, but I do watch Trixie Mattel on YouTube and he is a goddamn hoot. What, right now, is the best thing in your life? Um. I don't really know. Probably the fact my mother still lets my too-big-for-the-nest ass to live with her... I don't want to picture how my life would be if I didn't have her still essentially holding my hand. What’s a place you like to go to when you need to get away for a bit? I actually love car rides for this, so long as I can ride passenger and just blare my music and not talk. It's so odd, being afraid of driving but finding great freedom and comfort in just... going. Do you like apples? I love apples. Anything exciting coming up for you in the near future? I paid the deposit for my tattoo appointment, so it was officially scheduled in May!! I was expecting an open date to be kinda far with just how amazing this parlor is, so I wasn't too shocked to hear I have to wait a few months, but man I can hardly wait. When you get an account for something, what's the first username you try? Unless it's for a "professional" site, in which case I'd use my actual name, I just about without fail with use "Ozzkat," or replace the "o" with a zero if that's somehow taken. Would you be okay with a friend wanting to date one of your exes? Which ex? What kind of accent do people typically have where you're from? Southern. Does history interest you at all? Can't say it does. What's something you wish you could do-over? There are many things, man. Is your hair in layers or is it all the same length? Neither, really. The left side of my head is very short/shaved, and as the hair goes around to the right, it gets longer. There aren't "layers," though. Is there anyone who you're afraid to be in a car with, if they're driving? I wouldn't say afraid, but with my sister's road rage and serious tail-gating issue, riding with her can make me nervous. What's something you're very good at? Um, I guess creative writing. Do you like sour gummy worms? oh FUCK yeah Would you pick up a hitchhiker if they seemed harmless? No. I am way too paranoid for that shit. Would you be bothered if your boyfriend liked to bite you? Uhhh I'm going to assume you mean this in a sexual context, in which case I don't care so long as it's not in a visible spot. How often do you get the opportunity to be completely alone? The answer used to be a shitload, and seeing as I'm in my room most of the time, I still feel like that's kind of true, but since Mom's cancer diagnosis and she had to stop working, she's usually home with me. I like it that way, though. Total isolation is bad for me. Do you have a trampoline? Nah, haven't in many years. What's your favorite Pixar movie? Finding Nemo. What is the strangest thing you've been asked? Something sexual that made me extremely uncomfortable. What’s the weirdest thing about life that people just accept as normal? The fact we put so much worth into pieces of green paper. What's the most random thing you've done out of boredom? *shrug* What show did your parents not let you watch as a kid? There weren't any specific shows that we even wanted to watch that Mom forbade us to see... I mean she certainly wouldn't let my sisters and I watch something like South Park as little kids, but none of us really sought unsuitable shows out. We were all about Disney, Nick, and Animal Planet in my case. What is the most pleasurable feeling that doesn't involve anything sexual? What comes to mind first is a big hug from someone who makes you feel safe when you don't anywhere else. What was your last "oops, wrong person" moment? I'm going to assume I sent somebody a text meant for another person. I'm super careful about avoiding stuff like this because I get horribly embarrassed, so it's difficult to recall the last time I slipped up. What do you find attractive that isn't considered "normal" attraction? Having a broad imagination and drive to create. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve done drunk? N/A What's something you really enjoy, but can't have? A pet tarantula because Mom refuses to let me lmao. I'm so into them now and desperately want a Grammastola pulchra. What Wikipedia article have you recently read? I haven't read any recently. What subject should be taught at schools, but isn't? Basic adulting and financial skills. What is the worst game you've ever played? I dunno. I've played sooooo many video games throughout my life. What tragic event was coincidentally beneficial to you? My overdose because it led to an intensive partial hospitalization program that totally changed my life. What did you think was cool when you were younger that you now think isn’t? Good question... What are your favorite or most memorable lines from any movie/show? I vaguely remember the concepts of some quotes, but not well enough to recite them. None that are seriously memorable or heavy pop up in my head now. What's a good example of 'Don't knock it till you try it'? Putting peanut butter on top of waffles with syrup. It is fucking delicious. What's your go-to get pumped up song? 5FDP's cover of "Mama Said Knock You Out" is badass HYPE. What's the dumbest thing your parents have said or done? Well, through a family assessment before my current partial hospitalization could begin, I very recently learned my dad fucking did drugs before my sisters and I were born, including shit like cocaine. That was great to suddenly learn. As for my mom... probably have a kid too young? She doesn't talk very much about her eldest daughter's history with (and without) her, but I know enough to know that was a very rocky time in her life. What are some things you wish existed? Cures for countless illnesses, and I also have SUUUUUCH a yearning for some kind of technology that could copy an image in your head onto a drawing device. If only I could draw how/what I see up there... Which person shaped you the most? Jason. Or Mom. What’s the one movie you couldn’t finish? Why? Couldn't tell you; I just haven't watched enough. What's a small thing you have a big passion for? Meerkats, quite literally with "small" lmao. What change have you made recently to help the environment? I have metal straws I try to remember to bring with me if I go out to eat. What was the hardest thing you've ever had to forgive? The way Jason left. Is there anything or anyone you're angry at, that you haven't forgiven yet? I sometimes question if I truly have forgiven Jason. I lean kinda heavily towards yes, I have, I'm just bitter about it all regardless. Have you ever plotted revenge against someone? No. Have you ever done anything to get revenge against someone? I can't think of anything off the top of my head. What is the greatest longing of your heart? To feel purpose. Who was your first love? Some guy in high school who "had" to talk to me upon seeing me the first time, only to wind up wanting to hear nothing from me later on down the line. What denomination is your church (if you go)? N/A What was the first year you voted in a presidential election? This most recent election, actually. Have you ever been afraid of the world ending? I used to worry it would happen in my lifetime, but now I don't. If it ends, it ends. I ain't got much to lose nowadays. What is unfair about your life? My mental health. My financial position. I'd rather not focus on the billion shitty things going on in my life rn, so next question. Did you write love poems when you were younger? ugh Who are you jealous of and why? There's a lot of people I'm in some way envious of, honestly. Have you ever had an account of yours hacked? Yes. Thankfully nothing major happened. Have you ever been a victim of police misconduct? No.

[ongly]

Versus.

Couple edition of “Drop the Mic”.

Okay so, enough with the talk of my inactive ass... this is something I had had in mind for a long time, I just didn’t know if I should post it because I was not sure it was appropriate for everyone, since it’s full of attitude. Here is a couple edition of James Corden’s show “Drop the Mic”, where you, a recently discovered actress, and Shawn, your boyfriend, throw shady (inside) jokes at each other. This is an adapted version of the old shows, which means, it’s a version without Baldpit, of course, because old is always gold. I really, really hope you like it and find this funny, somehow, because I was effing scared of posting this but, please, enjoy to the fullest and I hope you have fun!! Xxx

You look down at yourself, taking deep breaths, both trembling hands adjusting the belt on your black jeans. You felt too many hands on you which only got you more nervous. There seemed to be too many people to just adjust your hair, your bodysuit, which, in your understanding, showed too much cleavage, and re-touching your make up. You felt a cold touch under your chin, forcing you to move your head up. You faced your makeup artist as she brushed your cheeks a little more, down to your neck and then your chest.

“He won’t even keep his head in the game with these.” She smiled as you felt the brush tickling your skin down on your breasts. You let out a nervous chuckle and nodded. You could hear the noise growing outside of your dressing room, only causing your mind to spin.

It was the first time you were having such a big appearance, especially that public in what came to your present relationship. You had been recently discovered in the acting world, and finally taken to the spotlight of Cinema and Television. You were starring in a huge, brand new, TV show with one of the best writers and directors. Although you had done a few jobs before, which were the ones that got you to meet your current boyfriend, they weren’t so big and some of them weren’t even aired on those known channels, so no one actually acknowledged your hard work, until now. Not only you had a healthy and firm relationship with one of the biggest music sensations at the moment, you also were starting to work on a movie as well. It was like it was all starting just then.

Your thoughts were forcefully pushed back once you heard a knock on the door. You turned your head quickly to the side, your eyes locked on the door as it opened. A guy from the staff opened the door, pushing it away as a pair of long legs stepped inside your dressing room

“Five minutes.” You heard the staff guy warning. You were sure he mentioned something else but you quickly disconnected from everyone except Shawn, who walked towards you.

Everyone started pacing around. You heard your hair dresser informing you that you were ready, but your eyes were still locked in his. He stood before you, giving you a warm smile. You sensed your cheeks heating up once you felt his touch on your waist as he wrapped one arm around it, pulling you closer to him.

“You’re cheating.” He started, looking down at your body. You frowned, both of your arms travelling up his biceps, slowly moving further up as you wrapped them around his neck. You were confused. “It’s not a fair win, when you are wearing this.” He said, looking down at your cleavage.

You let out a chuckle, looking away. You knew it was too much but you couldn’t deny the fact that you loved to see jealousy plastered on his face, as he took in your appearance. You looked back at him, only to catch him looking again. You didn’t feel too comfortable, since it was not usual of you to wear those kinds of things, but when they suggested it, you agreed instantly, wanting to take that teasing game to the extreme, already knowing it drove him crazy whenever you wore a bigger cleavage, than you normally would.

You moved your hand from the back of his neck to his cheek, stroking it gently.

“Already assuming you’re going to lose?” You nodded playfully, disapproving his statement.

Shawn’s eyes clenched and you let out a giggle, moving away from him. He bit his lip letting his eyes travel down your body again as he watched you fixing your hair.

“Don’t flatter yourself. I’ve got some pretty good lines.” He warned you, his eyes going back up to meet yours. You smiled cheekily at him.

“I hope they’re not based on this little talk, because you’ll make a fool out of yourself.” You stated, harshly playing along with him, earning a chuckle.

Before he could answer, the door opened revealing the staff crew, calling out for the both of you. It was time. You both started walking to the door, Shawn following behind. Once you were out of the dressing room you were both taken to different directions. You gave him one last look as he put on his boxing robe. You took yours in your hand, getting a wink from him as he put the hood on.

“I love you.” He mouthed you and you smiled.

"I don’t.” You mouthed back, smiling, and he rolled his eyes.

You put your robe around your shoulders, getting some help from the staff as they tried to make it quicker. You smiled at him and blew him a kiss before the crew turned you around to get you on the entrance, before they could call your name. You were taking deep breaths as you looked down, trying to keep calm.

“Alright, alright!” You heard the crowd cheer as Reggie started to present the show. “Hold on to your pants because it’s time for a couple way of ‘Drop the Mic’!” The crowd cheered louder clapping their hands along.

You had been a fan of James Corden for a long time although you’ve never been on his show before. You happened to be with Shawn when James called him, proposing to him to do something like this and as the conversation flew between the two of them, James got really excited with the news of you getting on the big screens and without any hesitation he came up with the idea of having a couple edition of “Drop the Mic”. You were used to roast each other, playfully, at home, so you obviously agreed without even thinking twice.

Shawn’s name interrupted your thoughts, followed by a cheering crowd. People were going insane, at least that’s what it sounded like. You heard Shawn’s voice as he greeted Reggie and when you realize it, your legs are moving towards the stage, blinding lights hitting you when you feel a little push from the staff, after they handed you the mic you were going to use. You walked with your shoulders back and your chin up, raising a brow a little, enthusiastically dressing up as this fierce persona while raising your hands a little, letting them brush against the many that were hanging out as you passed through the screaming crowd.

You forced your trembling knees up as you took a few steps to the small stage. You looked up, facing Shawn. He gave you a little wink and the crowd cheered louder. You looked at Reggie, who was already laughing as he passed by Shawn to leave, once James got up the little stage, standing in the middle of the both of you. Your eyes were locked in Shawn’s as you both stood in front of each other, letting your boxing robes slide down your arms and slip down both of yours and his body, falling on the ground. James let out a loud laugh at the fake tension you and Shawn were pretending to have.

“Guys..” James started, reaching out for the both of you as you and Shawn took steps closer towards each other.

James kept laughing as he held both of his hands out, one on your shoulder, pushing you back and the other on Shawn’s chest, pulling him away from you.

Shawn was trying not to smile as he faced you, ignoring James’ hand on him, carrying on walking towards you. You kept your gaze locked on Shawn’s and once he was closer to you, you blatantly moved your gaze down his body and then back up, raising him a brow teasingly.

“Watch your neck, baby girl.” Shawn warned, taking the mic to his lips clearly pointing out the fact he was taller than you. Your chest was almost touching his, forcing you to look further up, head slightly thrown back.

You nodded at his statement and started walking back. You winked at him and he couldn’t hold it any longer. He smiled at you, shaking his shoulders a little as he stepped back, getting in his place.

“Guys please..” James started again, trying to hold back his laughter, the crowd kept cheering. “We agreed this would be soft.” He said, his expression changing into a more serious one as he looked at you and then at Shawn.

You nodded agreeing, throwing your hands up in defense. Shawn smiled, moving his head around, like he was snapping his neck, playfully warming up. James looked at the camera, you had tried to ignore whenever it was too close to you, and took a deep breath, acting out his concern.

“I really don’t want to witness a break up, here.” He said, the crowd screaming by that moment. You nodded and looked at James. He smiled at you, holding his hands up, trying to keep the crowd quiet before he could speak again. “You guys are amazing.” He said, nodding.

He took a few steps back, taking the mic up, close to his lips, again. He pointed out at you, raising his brows.

“Are you ready?” He asked you. You gave him a smile.

“I’m not the one you’re supposed to be asking that.” You fired back. James parted his lips as the crowd cheered once more. James looked back at Shawn who clenched his eyes at you. “I think it’s pretty clear who dresses the trousers at home.” You smiled. He let out a chuckle and James laughed, walking closer to him.

James placed one hand over Shawn’s shoulder and got closer to him. Shawn didn’t move. He kept his eyes on you, trying to hide his smile.

 “Mate, I’m sorry I suggested this, do you want me to put it down?” James jokingly whispered at Shawn. Shawn nodded and shook his shoulders off again.

“No, I mean... if that’s all she got…” Shawn teased, pointing out at you and giving you a look of disgust. The crowd was clapping harder again.

James laughed at the looks you both were giving each other. He stepped back and introduced you two properly, before letting you start. James left the stage, getting on the side of it and you didn’t move, letting Shawn be the one taking a few steps closer.

“Ladies first.” You spoke into your mic. Shawn let out a chuckle and nodded, looking around at the crowd. He looked back at you, taking his mic to his lips and raising you a brow.

“Is that all you got?”

“Haven’t you started yet?” You fired back, raising him a brow as if you were mirroring him. He smiled, nodding, looking at the ground.

“Give me a beat.” His voice echoed. The crowd stopped screaming so hard that time.

You looked at him, crossing your arms as you watched him sway to the beat. His head moved along with the beat, before he got into it. He looked back up at you, taking a few steps closer. Your heart was beating faster as you watched him naturally throwing his shade at you.

“Welcome to this world baby, I swear I had nothing to do with the way they got you here. I mean, you’re my girlfriend, but I didn’t know your characters name until now, and it’s almost the end of the year.”

You smiled and looked down as he came closer to you. The crowd loved it but you could still hear James laughter hovering all the screams.

Shawn got his hand to his chest as he made a few gestures to emphasize his words. You looked back up at him, a sly smile as he got even closer to you.

“I didn’t mean to be this rude, But it’s pretty clear to see.”

You looked down at where his finger was pointing only to find it centimeters away from your cleavage. You let out a chuckle.

“You got known for that beautiful front, I mean, at least that’s what got me. Because besides all those awesome outcuts, Who the fuck watches AMC?”

Your lips parted in surprise as he stepped back. The crowd went crazy, clapping and cheering for him. You took a deep breath. You knew it was just a show but you loved teasing him to his extremes and you knew he took it too far on purpose, so you were not sorry for what you were about to say.

You nodded and looked down at your feet as you moved closer to him, taking your mic to your lips.

“Alright..” You nodded, before facing him again.

He had the biggest smile on as he watched your cheeks redden. You were more than ready to have some fun. Your heart was pounding and it felt like you were about to blow up from excitement. You cleared your throat and got your shoulders back, tilting your head to the side a little before starting to answer him. Shawn smiled, his eyes traveling down your body as he took in your posture, finding it extremely sexy that you took this to heart, although deep down, he knew it was merely a joke. You asked for a different beat and it took you seconds to fall into it and starting.

“Oh, there it is the ‘no one knows you’ line!”

You turned around facing the crowd that was already cheering for you. You turned back to Shawn, pointing out at his figure.

“Pretty clever of you, the boy from that video compilation of ‘r.i.p vine.’”

He laughed and looked down but you moved further closer to him, patting your lashes as you played innocent to him.

“You started off easy, but we get it, you got big! Now your shirt doesn’t even fit you, because you’re getting fucking ripped. And although it might look hot, it still didn’t get you to fuck that girl from that video clip.”

You were on fire and you were hitting his nerve by the way his cheeks were reddening. You took his silence as a chance to add another verse. James was cheering, his mouth wide open in surprise. You gave Shawn a hard frown, taking another step closer to him before carrying on.

“Speaking of girls, I’m surprised you settled with me. Since the beginning of the year, you’ve been looking like that swift-ie. Or maybe it was me! You stumbled and I let you fall on my track, because before me, there was clearly nothing holding you back.”

The last sentence came out almost in a whisper. He looked at you, smiling, although you knew you were pissing him off. You dropped your eye slowly, winking at him before stepping away from him.

You could hear James going crazy in the back. Everyone was cheering for you now. You kept smiling sweetly at Shawn and he nodded in disapproval.

“Low blow.” He warned you, this time not speaking through his microphone, directly saying that to you. You blew him a kiss as an answer and he took a step closer to you as you stood back on your place.

You rose your arms, gesturing him to get closer as you shot him a challenging glare. He let out a chuckle and then got his chin up, looking around. He lifted his arm pointing at you.

“Alright, I want the same beat. Let’s do the same one.. can we do it?” he suggested. The crowd cheered and you bit your tongue as you watched him getting closer, bouncing his head to the same beat you rapped before.

He cleared his throat against the mic and looked up at you, raising his brows like he felt sorry for you, acting it out as he started again.

“You’re right, I did stumble. But it actually was on your IMDb page. It was rather blank and uninteresting at the time, Like that  guy’s...”

He looked up, his hand on his chin as he acted like he was thinking.

“..wait what’s his name.. oh, Nicolas Cage.”

He looked back at you and you held back your laughter. You nodded and he walked around you, pointing at you. You could say that, if it was in another situation, the way he was pointing at you and annoyingly hitting you with his index finger in the shoulder whenever he rapped another verse, was absolutely disrespectful, except it was kind of hot.

“You keep using my lines against me, we get it, you’re an actress. Your job is to memorize other’s creativity because you never seem to know what to say. But stop playing innocent, When we both know that, ironically, I’m not the one who asks for mercy at the end of the day.”

He did not take it there. You couldn’t believe your ears. You were not expecting him to take it that far.

Your mouth was wide open now as he stepped back, raising his arms in his defense. You tilted your head to the side. You both looked like little kids. James was in the back, raising his arms, laughing but still trying to put a hand on that show.

You, somehow, found it funny the way he was taking this personally. Although you were both public for a few months now, you never really took it out there. You kept your privacy, the way it was supposed to be, made a few jokes here and there but it was mostly Shawn who got things clear whenever your relationship was a topic at an interview. You were starting to find this kind of funny. It was good to see him so comfortable around you, even though this was going on television.

You looked down, asked for a different beat. You shook your arms a little bit, like you were easing the tension and then took the mic to your lips. You looked up at Shawn who had the mic ready to speak as well, getting closer to you and smiling, his free hand up, like he was about to stop you.

“You don’t have to do this.” He warned you.

You let out a chuckle through the mic and frowned.

“Are you scared?” You asked him, taking a step closer to him.

His free and went to your shoulder as he pat it slowly. You shrugged and took your hand to slap it away. The crowd cheered, letting out multiples ‘ohh’s’ as you looked up at him, walking towards him but consequently making him step back.

“Is that even a question?” He asked, his frown hardening.

“You got yourself in the way babe.” You warned him, stopping on your tracks. You looked around to the crowd who was clapping, your gaze stopping in the place where James was, laughing. You winked at him and his brows rose, worried with what you were about to say. You knew your lines and this was the perfect time to put it out there. “Give me a beat, please.” You asked and took a step back.

“So polite.” Shawn mocked you and you rolled your eyes, getting in your place.

The beat started and you bounced your head a little, still looking around, trying to find the right time to get in. You cleared your throat and looked back at your opponent, who was smiling as he watched you move teasingly closer to him.

“I take back what I said about your lines, Looks like you’re struggling to keep this on. Come on baby, show us the good writer that you are, And drop that image of the unknown boy from MAGCON.”

You pat your lashes as you got closer to him, playing innocent. Shawn was already chewing his cheek, arms crossed as he looked down at you. You were almost chest to chest with him and you could hear James trying to tell you something, which you were obviously ignoring. Shawn looked down at you, trying to hide his smile and play strong when your free hand was travelling up his torso, finger pointing at him in different spots of his torso as you kept going.

“You want to take this personal? Fine! Just know I, myself, wouldn’t want this for you. You keep throwing shade like actors don’t know how to work their tongue, When you know exactly what this mouth can do.”

You fired back and you swore the crowd went crazier once you finished that line while pulling the hem of his shirt a little up, stepping back after finishing it. Shawn looked at you with his lips parted in surprise. You could tell he was growing impatient as he nodded. His cheeks were flushed as you looked up and down his body with a cheesy smirk.

Before he could answer, you notice James running to the stage, standing in the middle of you two, now turning to Shawn who was, now, threateningly walking towards you. James dramatically held him in his place.

“Guys, we’re taking this too personal.” James acted it out.

You extended your arms, challenging Shawn to bring more but he was speechless. You started to smile and then let out a laugh at how he was trying to hold his.

“She can’t do this.” Shawn tried to threaten you playfully, his arm extending as he tried to reach for you but James kept holding him back.

“You started it mate.” James looked up at Shawn, trying to hold him back as he laughed at his reaction.

You looked around the crowd as Shawn kept trying to get closer to you. He looked down, getting his chest out and his shoulders back, teasing you to see if you took the challenge. You nodded, turning to the crowd who wouldn’t stop cheering.

“I think we have a winner, I mean…” You turned to Shawn, trying to talk through the screaming crowd. He smiled at you, walking closer to you now, James playfully warning you. “You’re running low, babe.” You kept teasing him.

Shawn nodded, extending one arm and reaching out for you. Once he held your waist, he pulled you closer from behind, your back hitting his hard chest as he embraced you, playfully tickling you as you giggled along with him. Shawn hid his face in the crook of your neck, teasingly nibbling your neck as James announced the evident winner.

if this ain’t the best show

[coffintanz]

Review Tanz der Vampire Hamburg 26-10-2017

Some miscellaneous notes:

There was nothing wrong with the orchestra, the sound was very good and loud, and although there are only 10 people in the orchestra, you can’t hear that there are only 10 of them. Of course I would like a full orchestra, but I was perfectly fine with this. The loudness of the music was great, in Stuttgart I immediately noticed that the music could have been louder, so that was fixed somehow.

I was in seat 7 of row 27, so I was almost all the way in the back, I had two rows behind me, but the stage still felt very close to me, which is obviously a good thing. Everything could be seen very clearly.

I was seated in the second price category, and you can look it up, but I’ll save you the effort, so I’ll just tell you, I paid €89 to see it yesterday. I could immediately tell where the “cheap” rows ended and the “expensive” rows began. One row before me was the slightly more expensive price category, and many of those seats were still empty once the show began. I think it’s perfectly clear why they were empty, this show is very expensive. I don’t know about other German musicals, because I’ve only been to Tanz, and it’s probably something that Stage Entertainment does for all the musicals they have, but this is not a budget friendly musical. The cheapest tickets are €50, which is still really expensive considering I am going to see Tanz in Vienna twice, and those two tickets together are less expensive than the “cheap” €50 ticket in Germany. Of course I’m not here to complain about the price, especially because I think this experience was definitely worth my money, but in other cities abroad like Prague, Vienna and Budapest, the cheapest tickets are really cheap, so I was just wondering why Germany decided to ask more money for the same show.

But to get to the real deal: here is my review (more or less notes) of Tanz der Vampire on the 26th of October 2017.

 Cast:

Graf von Krolock: Jan Ammann

Sarah: Maureen Mac Gillavry

Alfred: Tom van der Ven

Professor Abronsius: Victor Petersen

Chagal: Michael Anzalone

Magda: Sara Jane Checchi

Herbert: Christian Funk

Rebecca: Yvonne Köstler

Koukol: Paolo Bianca

Tip: always try to get a seat as close to the right hand path as you can, because whenever a character chooses a path to go to the stage they always choose the right path. (It’s the right hand path when facing the stage.) I don’t know if this is also the case for the show in Vienna and such, maybe someone who has seen it in Vienna could answer that question, but whenever you see it in Germany, sit on that side in the theatre. I’ve even counted the amount of times the characters walk by.

Graf von Krolock 1 time (Gott is tot, however in Stuttgart he came from the left path.)

Koukol 3 times (Alles ist hell & Draussen ist Freiheit- to and from the stage)

Chagal 1 time (After Sarah runs away)

Alfred & Sarah together 1 time (Draussen ist Freiheit Reprise)

Sarah 1 time (after Das Gebet)

Graveyard vampires 2 times (Ewigkeit & Der tanz der vampire)

 Act 1

Not much to say about He Ho Professor & Knoblauch, I still think there is too much going on during Knoblauch, and I still didn’t know what to focus on. I could see Knoblauch 100 times and still discover something new.

Everything was very audible, you could hear chagall’s nails falling, shoes creaking, which was nice.

Chagall falls off the stairs during Ein Mädchen das so Lächeln kann, which I somehow never notice! I have seen some bootlegs a thousand times, but I never see Chagal falling. Of course that’s where the sound comes from when Abronsius hears something.

Wahrheit was great! I don’t know who I saw last time performing professor Abronsius, but Victor was never out of breath and did his high note really well, which I couldn’t say last time seeing Tanz.

You can’t see that Krolock is already standing in the bathroom in the dark during the beginning of Einladung zum Ball, the same thing goes for Sie irren, Professor. I tried to look really carefully but to the audience to whom this is all a new experience, they definitely can’t tell Krolock is standing in the dark.

Alfred is not very afraid during Vor dem Schloss, I like it if Alfred is very afraid, but Tom just does not play a very afraid Alfred and I’ve accepted it.

Jan looks at his hand in a very disgusted way after he pats Koukol on the head, and afterwards wipes his hand on his trousers after first contemplating what he should do with a dirty hand. Some Krolocks don’t show disgust at all, and I don’t have a preference, but it’s fun to see what each Krolock does.

There is very little cape action going on from Krolock, Jan could have done much more with his cape during Gott is Tot and Einladung zum Ball but he didn’t.

Krolock wraps his cape around Alfred during Vor dem Schloss which is awesome! I love it when Krolock seduces Alfred by coming very close, for example, Ivan Ozhogin does that really well, and Jan did it very good too!

Some observations after the first act:

People behind me were talking about which actors were German and who were not. One girl was saying to the other: “But we do have a German graf, right?” I think that they noticed that both Maureen and Tom are not German. I cannot say anything about their accents because I am Dutch, just like Tom and Maureen are, and so I can’t judge it very well because I can’t listen to their accents like a native German person would. I also cannot speak German at all so I don’t know where mistakes would be made in pronunciation which are common for Dutch people speaking German. I do know that Tom says some words a bit strange like “Mädchen” and “Spät.” But I don’t really mind because I know every single word by heart, but it will be off-putting for everyone else.

 Maureen sings her long notes quite like a sheep. This may sound very harsh, but you will hear it soon enough when I will post the recording I’ve made of the whole show. But that being said, she sings better than Veronica. Veronica was very nasal, which was okay, but I just don’t like to imagine Sarah being a nasal singer.

 Act 2

Krolock was already on Sarah’s neck during Totale Finsternis when he says: Nein, es wehr verkehrt den kopf zu verliern. (sorry if I spelled that wrong) some counts are not even close trying to bite.

I’m heavily disappointed in the black vampire. When he jumps to Sarah from the left side of the stage to the right when she’s on the ground, he took the smallest jump ever. His appearance coming from the bed to bite Sarah didn’t go smoothly, he came out before he was supposed to and sat on the bed for like a second, probably to regain his balance.

In the bathtub after Bücher, Bücher: “Oh du bist es…”  was said in a very uninterested way, like Sarah really didn’t care that Alfred was there, she just wanted to bathe, or see the graf.

“the booty grab” during Wenn Liebe in dir ist was okay, but Christian Funk didn’t take it very far, which was sad. The hitting with the umbrella was as fun as always. People actually laughed at “Hat er dir profoziert?”(Again, sorry if I spelled it wrong.) Because last time nobody really noticed that happening.

Sie Irren Professor is one of my favourite parts of the whole show, and to see the audiences’ faces turning when the sound comes from different sides is still so very great.

Krolock’s “Boo!” during Vor dem Schloss and Tanzsaal were okay, but I still love the Drew Sarich way the most in which he raises his hands and goes “aaaaaah” and mocks them.

During Die Unstillbare Gier, Krolock does not fall down/kneel down after he runs off the graves when they go up again, which I like.

The spotlight on the grave of “der junge page von Napoleon” was something I’ve never noticed before! And it was not to put the spotlight on Krolock, because the light went out after he was done singing about him.

If you watch it, you can clearly see Sarah walk down the first steps of the staircase during Tanzsaal, however the audience only begins to notice that she is standing there when the spotlight shines on her.

I mainly watched Herbert during Tanzsaal which was great, he’s got these small gestures he does which are fun to see. He also stands next to his dad after he just walked down the staircase and pretends to talk to him. The same thing happens when Krolock sings his last note before he bites Sarah, so after he says “verdammt” he and Herbert stand next to each other and almost seem like they are talking things over. At the point where Herbert notices that their guests have reflections, the dad and son thing becomes really clear, because Herbert points it out, and Krolock gestures like: “as if I didn’t know!” which was fun.

Maureen plays a weakened Sarah after the bite, which I like, Veronica didn’t do that and I think is better to play weak because the contrast between Tanzsaal and Draussen ist Freiheit Reprise will be much bigger.

Maureen wiggled her butt all over the place when she bit Alfred, which I hate, that makes it look very comedic, while I think that that is one of the most awesome moments in the musical so that kind of ruined it for me.

I was not prepared for the vampires walking through the audience during Der Tanz der Vampire, so when I suddenly heard people singing the song along, I first thought that there were members of the audience singing, but then I saw these two vampires walking down and it made a lot more sense.

Maybe a bit random: this audience immediately gave a standing ovation after the last song ended, which was not the case when I saw it in Stuttgart, when it took the audience until the second time in which actors to came on stage to stand up.

 A review of some people in the cast:

Jan Ammann: great! I was apprehensive when I saw that he was going to be “my graf” but I was blown away by his performance. Of course I’ve only seen one other Krolock who was played by Mathias Edenborn, but Jan in my opinion is a better Krolock than Mathias. I know I have been comparing a lot of actors, and I know each actor has something that they are good at, but for me it’s easier to give an opinion if I’ve got something to compare it to. Jan is definitely not my favourite Krolock, that title still belongs to Drew Sarich, but Jan has definitely impressed me.

Paolo Bianca: so freaking hilarious! I also saw Paolo in Stuttgart and he is such a good Koukol. He mumbles a lot and I’ve got such pity for him that he has to do all the not so great things, because Paolo makes Koukol feel like he has joy in doing the little things, like when he is putting the candles on the stage for the ball, he looked very satisfied afterwards. I think the only reason he doesn’t treat people nicely is when they don’t treat him nicely either, for example, Chagal doesn’t like koukol, so Koukol also doesn’t like Chagal.

This is where I will end my review because it is already waaaaaaayyy too long. And now comes the tedious process of waiting until I am going to see Tanz in Vienna in February/March. To wrap up this review, it was simply amazing to be able to see it again. I might even say that the second time seeing it was better than the first time seeing it. (If you by any chance still have anything that you would like to know, just drop a comment in this post.) I hope I am able to upload my audio recording of the show soon.

[mikazukikannagisjourney]

Spiritual Log October 16, 2019

Subtitle: Various healing tones for pretty much anything

Hi everyone, how are you all again? I hope you're all doing great. But if you're having tummy issues like yours truly here, and your eating habit is still normal, it's possible that

1. You're a generator whose stomach was starting to clear up,

2. You're starting to undergo major energetic shifts, or

3. Both 1 and 2.

Either way, congratulations! You're well on your way towards healing and raising your consciousness and awareness levels. Don't let it get into your head though, these things aren't fun and believe me when I say that despite the magical stuff, I sometimes wish I was still dead asleep because I get more and more sensitive to so many stuff. Like the recent super-typhoon in Japan, like the name HAGIBIS in Tagalog literally means "super-duper ultra fast-moving and strong" and it has winds as strong as Haiyan, which we had here in the Philippines a while ago and that was strong AF, like I live somewhere in the north and the typhoon went to the southernmost part of the country but the strong winds were still very evident where I lived. The anxious vibes due to the strong typhoon went straight to my solar plexus and it just felt horrible, so I had to lay down for what feels like forever until the full moon popped up. (still sending Reiki to Japan and where I am right now because why not, every energetic movement counts)

Anyways, with that out of the way, let's move on to the topic on hand: Healing tones! I am super passionate about this stuff, I swear by it, as well as a whole bunch of other people in the rest of the world too. Even the early indigo children who are now probably in their 70s or even 80s had a go at it during the psychedelic era because hey, it was a freaking spiritual boom and so many methods got discovered. And now that the stuff's going mainsteam-ish, I would like to give my 2 cents on this topic.

Stuff I listen to: Binaural beats, isochronic tones, solfeggio tones, subliminals and boosters, singing bowls, tingsha bells, gongs, guided meditations, some singing chants (for Kundalini Yoga meditations)

How did this came about? Well, some years ago, during the early years of my awakening (which I used to call my darkest times, well, it was my first and major Dark Night of the Soul so yeah) I suffered from a really, really horrible backache, not only was the pain shootingly extreme but I also lost mobility from my waist all the way down to my feet. Like a power switch for my legs were turned off. So I couldn't stand, and it was very painful especially when sitting and squatting for releasing bodily fluids. I had to pee standing up, and because I couldn't squat, dumping the #2 was limited to twice a week. It was very horrible because as an anally-fixated person who HAS to do it daily, it sucked. Not that I can eat much though, I was sleeping most of the time due to painkillers so no time to eat. Of course, I tried my best to get up as much and walk and move just to rehab myself (I was pretty much a bum because I wasn't paid from the past work that I did so no moolah for rehab and physical therapy and it was DIY mode again) but the pain was very, very unbearable. If you know how it feels when you slit your wrists (trigger! Sorry!) or if you have your period cramps (gah!) well transfer those kinds of pains in your lower back all the way down your feet, then magnify the pain intensity to about 100x, then shut off your ability to walk, then any form of lower body movement just hurts. Best 6 months of my life, plus the annual flare-ups ever since. My only escape from the pain were my medications, which weren't OTC and were actually quite regulated. Unfortunately I had to be weaned from the drugs about 3 weeks in because of the cash issues and the fact that I was taking in a substance that was closely-related to morphine so yeah, you get my point.

I had to find some sort of alternative one way or another, because that's what happens when you're desparate as fudge. By synchronicity, I came across solfeggio tones as well as binaural beats for cellular regeneration and pain relief, respectively. I listened to those tracks nightly for a good 2 months straight just to get some sort of comfort, and I was able to walk properly and stand, even sit for a good 20 minutes per day since the 1st week that I started. Unfortunately I pushed my luck too much after getting cocky in the 2nd month of healing so I had to go back to taking drugs while also listening to the track. Me and my dumbass ego lol But anyway...

During the time, I also accidentally downloaded a lucid dreaming track though, and that got me really hooked with the sound healing thing. Because of that track, I started learning how to do wake-induced lucid dreaming (WILD), I got to walk a lot again, experience no pain, and became a bit more spiritual. Of course I was still unaware that I was awakening, and as usual I kept ignoring my intuit on starting a meditation practice so I was stuck in there for another 2 years or so. By the time I realized fully that I was, and had been awakening since I was 24 years of age, I was already full of effing regrets for not taking the call seriously, I wasted a very long time in my Dark Night 1.0 and was plunged into Version 2.0, which was a lot more gory and horrible, apart from the ramped-up anxiety with depression and the fun painful flareups every now and then.

Of course, now I know that the flareups were due to my extremely contracted lower chakras, especially the root chakra. If you're asking me why I thought the pain was metaphysical, well it's not exactly fun being in extreme pain while going to the orthopedic clinic, then getting expensive imaging modalities and getting UNREMARKABLE results. I just couldn't stand the fact that I was in extreme pain and the docs can't find anything. It sucked. That shit took me like a good 4 years before I was able to connect all the dots. It sucked but also it was my fault for not following my nagging thoughts on meditating. Now I regularly listen to any healing tone and meditate even for 11minutes a day, so now most of my pains and sometimes my depressive states get managed a bit better, but the empath part still sucks (though that's another topic altogether lol).

Ok, so what's the point in all of these?

Well, for starters, having these experiences made me realize better why everything was energy, I mean, soundwaves literally helped me heal my pain and my lower back, and as far as I know it was all due to resonance of frequencies. If I wasn't made up of energy I won't even experience any relief and comfort. It was, and still is an exciting thing for me because after a considerable number of years listening to various healing tones, I am still sane-ish, somewhat, in an insane world.

So if you're looking for non-invasive alternatives for healing, I highly recommend healing tones. You can purchase them or just go to video-hosting sites, but of course you have to also tailor-fit them to your needs. Like if you're having sleeping issues, start with a calming track, or if you're in pain try the binaural or isochronic tones for killing pain. You can even improve your subconscious beliefs, activate your DNA, or become even more attuned to subtle energies because some tracks have intent, energetic transmissions, as well as subliminal messages in them. I won't be posting about subliminals and boosters here though, that's another topic worth vomiting words for lolz but I will, probably sometime after this post.

Well, I hope this post had some value for you, even if it just entertained you lol. But really, I take healing quite seriously as well as personal development ever since I can remember, so if you feel like you need to amp up yourself, then please do. Your soul and the whole collective will definitely benefit from it, especially in these chaotic times. Us woke people must be healed fully so we can be better way-showers to others who are also starting to awaken, like seriously think about the time when we were waking up and we had zero clues about it. At the very least, we can help one person ease through it, somehow. Don't feel bad though, we were built to shovel the snow away from the roads so others can pass through, and I think that's a wonderful gift we can give. Plus it's free lolz.

I pray you find the healing you seek.

Wishing you all the love and hugs from Source above,

三日月🌙

Mikazuki

PS. If you found the information in this post to be very helpful, insightful, and of great value to you and your own personal journey, please feel free to reblog, share and heart/like, or if you feel super-generous, energetic exchanges are welcomed! Please click here and use this email address: may_chan_otaku@yahoo.com

Thank you so much and be blessed!

[ilovethings-somuch]

Private Lessons (2/10)

Dad!Chris Evans/first person OFC (Elaina)

A/N: Hello friends! This was supposed to be posted earlier but I really like procrastinating 🤷 sorry!! So this is like fluff, I guess. No warnings other than swearing (I’m sorry I can’t help it)

Synopsis: Elaina is teaching swimming lessons to a little boy named Lukas when she discovers that he is the son of Chris Evans. When Chris approaches Elaina to do private lessons with Lukas at the Evans’ home will things heat up? Will Elaina turn into a homewrecker that she never wanted to be?

I spent (too much) of my weekend arguing with myself about how to back out of my arrangement with Chris. It went something like this:

It wouldn’t be that hard to back out. I could just tell him that my boss didn’t want me teaching private lessons outside of our facility. But that’s not true, and lord knows I can’t lie to save my soul. There’s no real reason I can come up with for why I can’t teach Lukas privately. I mean, other than the whole, Chris FUCKING Evans thing. But it’ll be fine. You can be cool, Elaina, just remember deep breaths, he’s just a normal person. You’re doing this for Lukas, not Chris. Hell for all I know Chris won’t even be there when I’m teaching, Lukas probably has a nanny. Or, oh god, what if Chris’ wife is there. Does anyone even know who she is? *googles for 3 hours* Why the fuck is google not helping? Okay, tumblr time, the fandom HAS to know right? *searches tumblr for 5 hours (I may have gotten sidetracked)* WHY DOES NOBODY KNOW WHO SHE IS?! Wait. Maybe she’s not in the picture, oh god, I hope she’s still alive.

All in all, the weekend went by too quickly and before I knew it, it was Tuesday and time for swimming lessons. Class went smoothly, I got everyone to go underwater again and there were 0 tears. Eva and Liam were a piece of cake, and when Lukas got scared all I had to do was remind him how proud his dad was going to be when he went under again. Worked like a charm; plus, waving at Chris with Lukas may have given me an excuse to look at Chris during the lesson.

Afterwards, Eva’s mom wanted to talk to me so I avoided an awkward moment with Chris then, and I was somehow able to get my belongings and leave before he had gotten Lukas changed so I avoided him again. I have mixed feelings about whether or not I’m happy about that. I mean, it was the goal; but maybe a small part of me wanted him to talk to me.

Thursday is the last day of the session, which means it’s a fun day. For the older kids that means playing Sharks and Minnows and going off the diving board. For the little kids, it means spending the class playing with water toys and jumping off the side. Near the end I take my kids over to the deep end to try jumping off the diving board. They all get a life jacket and I swim near the end of the board to catch them when they jump in. I tell them they all have to jump once, and if they want to they can go twice. Liam is very excited, he even tells me not to catch him. Eva wants me to catch her, but other than that she doesn’t hesitate. Lukas, on the other hand, needs a little help. He is completely against jumping, I even try to coax him by giving him a noodle for “extra help floating” but he doesn’t budge.

“Lukas, you gotta try once. If you don’t like it then you never have to go again, but I want you to try one time”

“I don’t wanna” he whines once again, his eyes brimming with tears. I got him to walk to the end of the board and talked to him from the water. I give Kenna, the lifeguard on duty, a signal that he’s going to need help.

“How about if the lifeguard helps you bud” at this point Kenna is already on the board behind Lukas and is about to pick him up to set him into my waiting arms. The tears overflow as she sets him in the water, but as soon as he realizes that he’s in my arms they stop. “Good job Lukas! Look at that, you didn’t even go underwater! I bet your daddy is going to be really impressed”

“I did it! I went off the jumping board!”

“You did! You did so good” I assure him while swimming to the side with him. “Do you think you want to try again all by yourself?” His face drops with my suggestion so I back track quickly. “You don’t have to bud, only if you want. Or you can stay here by the wall okay?”

“I wanna stay here”

“Okay, just keep your hands on the wall while I help Liam and Eva”

Liam and Eva both jump again before class is over. When they get their towels on I give each of them their report card and a piece of candy before walking them over to their parents. I’m not exactly sure how, but somehow I was left alone with Lukas and Chris again.

“Good job today buddy!”

“Did you see me go on the jumping board?”

“Of course I did! You were so brave”

“That’s what Miss Lainie told me too” Lukas tells him with a proud smile.

“Well Miss Lainie is a very smart lady” Chris says, looking at me with a smirk. I can’t help but blush at hearing him use my nickname.

“Well it’s always good to know who the bravest little boys are” I tease back, tickling Lukas’ sides.

“So, uh, tomorrow at 9:30 right?”

“Yeah, you still have to send me the address” I remind him.

“Oh shit, thanks for reminding me!” He immediately pulls out his phone and starts typing.

“Daddy!” Lukas whines while hitting Chris’ shoulder. “No bad words”

“I’m sorry buddy, you’re right. No bad words” he repeats before looking at me with a smirk. Goddamn that smile is going to be the death of me. It’s quiet for a few moments and I’m about to make my exit when Chris finishes typing and looks back up at me. “I just sent it to you”

“Okay, thanks. I’ll, um, see you tomorrow then”

“See you then” I give him a small wave before retreating into the office to grab my stuff. All my coworkers are already in there and someone is taking a shower in the room where my keys are, so it looks like I’ll be stuck here for a little longer. I spend the time looking through my phone, making sure to save the address Chris sent me, and talking to my coworkers. Thankfully no one asked me about what took me so long.

When I get home it’s already 7 and my plan to go for a run goes out the window. Instead take a shower before I pull out my laptop and fool around on the internet while eating my dinner. I end up facetiming with my best friend from back home before going to bed, simply so that I can express my excitement about befriending (yeah, that’s what we’re going to call it) Chris with someone who hasn’t actually met him. She’s equally if not more excited than I am, which makes me feel slightly more at ease in the sense that at least I’m normal, but also more anxious because I don’t want to mess it up.

My body finally allows me to fall asleep sometime around midnight, leaving me around 7 hours of sleep. My alarm going off is a cruel awakening, but at least it’s sunny outside. I finally roll out of bed around 7:45, only to discover that my hair is an absolute mess and going to take awhile to tame. I want to make a good impression on Chris. Even though we’ve already met, he’s never really seen me..dry. I want to prove that I can clean up nicely, even if I’m not exactly sure why I feel the need to prove that. Dammit, Elaina it’s not a date!

I end up having to straighten my hair to get all the kinks out, which takes close to half an hour. A half an hour that I didn’t plan for. Thankfully I had a mental idea of what to wear and it didn’t end up looking awful when I put it on. Makeup was another issue. Listen, when you’re working in a wet environment, makeup isn’t something that happens often. Now, I know what you’re probably thinking, “do you ever go out Elaina?” the answer to that is, not as much as I should. And I used to, but when I decided to take a break from trying to act the people I had befriended when I first moved here kind of ditched me. It was probably for the best, that lifestyle wasn’t really me.

I finally get my makeup to not look like a 5-year old did it and make it out of my apartment around 9:10. Which is 10 minutes later than I planned on leaving. The coffee shop is supposedly only 15 minutes away, but you never know when it comes to California traffic. Today proves to be no different, thankfully I make it to the shop only 2 minutes late; and let me tell you, my heart is pounding. I can’t tell you the last time I went on a date. Wait, fuck, Elaina it’s not a damn date! Either way, I can’t tell you the last time I met with someone at a coffee shop. Do I find him and sit down first? Do I order? Who knows! But I thank the lucky stars above when I see Chris walking towards the shop coming from the opposite direction as me. He seems to spot me at the same time I see him and give me a big grin. He can wear whatever glasses and hat he wants, there’s no way I wouldn’t recognize that smile. We reach the door at about the same time and he holds it open for me to enter first. I stand just inside, waiting for him to make a move towards a table or to a line. He heads towards the line and I follow slightly behind.

“Hi, the regular?” the barista asks him when it’s his turn.

“Yeah and whatever she’s having” he sounds so casual about it that I think my heart stops.

“No, Chris you don’t have to pay for me”

“It’s just a coffee, relax” he chuckles.

“Um okay, I’ll just have whatever he’s getting” The barista gives me a small nod before moving to make the drinks. I follow Chris to a table while we wait for our drinks.

“So, where’s Lukas?” I ask, not that I expected him to be here, but it’s weird being around Chris without Lukas.

“He’s at home, with the nanny for a couple hours while I take care of a few things”

I nod, thankful for our drinks arriving to give me something to do. Nanny means his wife must be busy, or not around? God Elaina you’re insufferable, give it a rest.

“He gets really upset when I have to leave, it’s going to be hard when school starts and I have to leave him everyday”

“Yeah, I bet. How does that work with you filming and such?”

“Um, I don’t know yet” he chuckles. “I’m still trying to figure it out. I really want him to go to a normal school. I mean, maybe a private school but definity one where he just goes 8 to 3 like a normal kid and gets to hang out with friends. As much as I would love to just have him home schooled so that he can go with me everywhere, I can’t take away his childhood like that”

“I get what you mean. It would be a pretty incredible childhood to grow up on movie sets though” I suggest with a smile. “But I get it, you want him to be a normal kid, that makes sense”

“Right, he’s had a pretty normal childhood so far. I try to get him outside as much as I can and with kids his age”

“Does he go to daycare?”

“No, I’m usually home with him or I have a really great nanny who comes over when I have things to do. We have regular play dates with some neighborhood families regularly though and he always has fun.”

“Yeah, he’s really sociable! The first day of lessons he was really shy, but by the second class he was telling me all about what he did that day and he was always trying to make games with the other kids”

“He loves to make up games” he says fondly.

“He’s a really smart kid. When ever I was explaining something new it was like I could see the gears turning in his head while he tried to figure it out. Maybe smart to a fault, he tends overthinks things and get scared”

“He’s definitely like his father” Chris mumbles before giving me a smirk.

“Maybe so, but clearly you’ve faced fears and he has too. So it’s alright, it’s definitely not a bad thing for him to be like you”

“Thank you, Elaina, that means a lot” he touches my hand while he’s talking, giving it a light squeeze before moving his hand back to his coffee. I can feel my face heating up and I’m not sure my makeup is covering it up. I try to change the subject casually, but my voice sounds flustered.

“So, um, do you have an idea of what days and times work for you? I’m usually open Monday, Wednesday, Friday after 3 and Tuesday, Thursday after 6 and then totally free on weekends”

“Well my schedule is not that consistent. I can do Monday, Wednesday, Friday at say, 4 this week. But they the week after I’m only around on the weekend, and then the week after I’ll be home Tuesday and Thursday”

“Okay, well as long as the times work with what I wrote here” I pause, pointing to the note I wrote, “I can do whatever. I’ll just let my boss know that she can’t schedule me outside of these times so I’ll be free”

“Really? That would be amazing”

“Yeah, of course. So are you thinking half hour, hour?”

“Whatever you think is best”

“Well if I can keep up his progress I think we could get a lot done in an hour. But it also depends on the setup of your pool. I won’t know everything I can do until I see that, but I think an hour would be the best”

“That’s fine with me. Um so how much do you charge?”

“Fifteen dollars per lesson. But you don’t have to pay me like everyday, we can do it weekly or whatever works for you”

“Fifteen dollars? That’s it?”

“Yes? I wouldn’t say that’s cheap..” I trail off, unsure.

“In hollywood, that’s cheap” he assures me.

“Well you can feel free to pay me more, but that’s my baseline” I say with a chuckle. He doesn’t give me an actual answer, just laughs heavily. The conversation turns to a lighter topic and keeps flowing with a few more casual touches. This is, until Chris notices the time and realizes that he has to go.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize it was so late. I told the nanny I would be back by now and I haven’t even made my other stops yet” he tells me quickly, while picking up his notes and empty coffee cup.

“No, it’s totally fine. I’m sorry for keeping you” I stand along with him and follow him towards the exit.

“I’ll see you Monday at 4 then? I’ll text you my address”

“Yep, don’t forget” I tease.

“You might need to remind me” he says honestly.

“I’ll remind you tonight” I assure him

“Great! I’ll see you Monday” he calls while walking backwards away from me.

“Bye, Chris”

When I get in my car I take a few moments to just sit and process everything. Why did that feel so much like a date? It wasn’t supposed to take that long but somehow it’s already 1 o’clock in the afternoon. When I finally get my bearing I make my home, stopping first at the grocery store to restock my kitchen. I decide to stop at a sandwich shop on the way home, knowing I won’t feel like making dinner after putting all my groceries away.

I’m finally getting settled into my couch when my phone chimes from my purse in the kitchen. I groan slightly before getting up to retrieve it.

Chris: I think someone forgot to remind me of something 🤔  *address attached*

Me: wow look who remembered something all on their own! Someone’s growing up☺️

Chris: Was that sass I detected from you, Elaina? I’m appalled, maybe I don’t want Lukas spending time with you

Me: Trust me, that boy had enough sass before I met him. (I think he gets it from his father)

Chris: Take that back now!

Me: can’t make me 🤷

Chris: hahaha yeah okay.

Chris: I had a really nice time with you today

Me: I had a nice time too, sorry for making you late. Hopefully you didn’t get in too much trouble.

Chris: No worries! Thankfully the nanny is very understanding.

Chris: I gotta go make dinner for Lukas, I’ll talk to you soon!

Me: Bye Chris, say hi to Lukas for me!

[lwoorl]

Fanfic retrospective 2018

I have seen 2 people doing this and I thought, oh, why not?! So lets revisit all the fics submitted last year!

Online Hero Need Friends:

Summary: Izuku makes some online friends when he's in middleschool that he keeps when he becomes a pro hero. But he never told them he's The Deku.

Thoughts: This fic was kind of unexpected for me! In a lot of ways. I got inspiration for the idea from a post of Tumblr, but wasn't really going to do anything with it, and one night, suddenly, I just started to write it! I finished the first chapter around 3am on a work day and the response was… Unexpectedly amazing? I remember watching at my phone just seeing the numbers growing and growing, so many people just loved it!!! So I decided hey fuck it let's make it have multiple chapters so, I sort of did that. All chapters were written on moments between classes and it's amazing so many people liked this because it's mostly just a self indulgent piece of fluff with some ocs hanging out, a friend described it as “A long ass fic where nothing happens” (Which is super accurate) but I enjoyed making it and I loved creating the characters!!! I'm gonna finish it sometime in 2019. Sorry for everyone who's been waiting for the epilogue, but I promise this isn't abandoned!!!!

This is my most successful fic to the date which is honestly fucking weird. I'm serious guys, this is a story where NOTHING happens, just fluff with no substance and not even with characters you already know beforehand!! The hell is wrong with you?!

I don't believe you. You aren't like THAT:

Summary: Dick tells Damian he's gay. His brother doesn't take it well.

Thoughts: Ooof this fic. This was a vent fic. I made it after some stuff happened, mostly cause I relate super hard to Dick's relationship with Damian. Tbh this is just a self indulgent wish fulfilment piece of crap, but hey, that's what fics are for, aren't they?! It's actually super embarrassing to think this was my first DC fic, because, again, self indulgent trash. I'm honestly never ever ever gonna recommend anyone to read it, it's, well, embarrassing!!! I hope no one who knows me in real life ever touches it, they would immediately know which situation made me write it and I would just combust with embarrassment on the spot. Ugh. I've thought about orphaning it because, again, super personal and super embarrassing!!! But it's also kind of close to my heart? So I don't think I could just throw it away ever.

Night Habits:

Summary: Damian has a nightmare and goes to Dick's room to feel better. It's not the same as before. (Talon!Dick Grayson series)

Thoughts: This is another fic that was surprisingly popular!! I was thinking of writing a talon!dick story for a while now, and one day I just sit and wrote this. Again, Dick and Damian's relationship is SO precious to me, so of fucking course I did it about that. To be honest I feel this story is lacking because it lacks any context whatsoever, it's a problem I've noticed with all that series, it's just cute or sad moments without much context. But then again, it's fanfiction, and I learned a while ago to stop worrying whether something I post is good or not. Personal enjoyment > Quality.

Grappling Hook:

Summary: Little Dick Grayson goes missing soon after he moved to the manor. Bruce finds him sleeping in the cave as a grappling hook. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: Oh man. Listen, one day I just thought “Hey, I wanna see a soul eater AU of the batfam.” Then I looked and looked… And there wasn't any!! Can you believe it?! So I started to think of my own, not really knowing if it would be a comic or an ask blog or a fanfic. 

Soon it became more of a soul-eater-inspired thing than something actually related to soul eater, because honestly the only thing I really wanted was an au where everything was the same except people turned into objects. I shared the idea with a friend and we started to brainstorm worldbuilding and headcanons. One of those headcanons was that one day Dick just sorta disappeared and Bruce found him as an object sleeping somewhere. I'm not sure why I wrote this first? But I guess I had to start the series somehow and people liked it. So, yay.

Bo Staff:

Summary: Tim turns into an object for the first time. And then accidentally gets locked in a closet. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: My fingers puked this fic THE MOMENT I finished Grappling Hook. Listen, at that point I had been around 6 months without classes and bored out of my mind so, can you blame me? A ton of the following fics also happened DAYS after these, so, yeah, I guess I just really needed something to do, the following weeks were just insanely productive for me.

I like the contrast this fic creates with Dick's. Overall, I think it's ok. I'm not sure if I want to subscribe to the portrayal of Tim's parents here? I like the idea that they care but just are too absorbed on their work to actually notice the kid exists, but I think here they came off as downright hateful. Oh well, I can blame it to it being from Tim's POV I guess. Unreliable narrator and what not. I also think I didn't make it as angsty as I wanted it to be, but most people said it was still pretty sad, so, I guess that's ok.

How (not) to cope when your brother is turned into a zombie that might or might not still be him:

Summary: Tim realizes he's (just maybe) been fucking up a little bit. (Talon!Dick Grayson series)

Thoughts: Oh, this thing. I liked how this thing turned out! I don't 100% like my portray of Talon!Dick on this series. I wanted to make it kind of like Rei in the evangelion movies after she becomes an empty doll, but, like, not so drastic? But idk man, I just have seen way more interesting portrayals of Talon!Dick before so maybe that's why I feel like it's lacking. 

I really enjoyed writing this one fic tho, there are some scenes I really enjoyed writing in here, like when Tim got kicked out of his team for an university project hahaha. Also this was my first time writing a nightmare and it made me realize my deep love for writing dream sequences. Since then I'm trying to restrain myself from adding a dream to every single one of my stories, since I feel it's more powerful with moderation, but believe me when I say the tentation is there…. Hm. Maybe I could write something that's nothing but compilations of characters dreams???? Sure would be a cool character exploration exercise. Hm. Hmmmmmm… I might just have had an idea….

Training:

Summary: Jason asks Dick to help him training on being a shifter. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: This was a fun thing to write!!! I wasn't sure about writing young Jason, but it turned out alright, and overall I just had fun making this!!! I think I portrayed Dick and Jason's relationship well enough, maybe a bit more friendly than they were at the time, but fuck it, I liked this story.

Changzhou Comb:

Summary: Cassandra has a hard time forgetting old habits. (Shifters AU series) 

Thoughts: Oh man. This thing. This thing. Listen I didn't know Cass that well before writing this, I knew some about her and her backstory, but I wasn't really that interested in the character. However, I got this thing that makes me want to portray characters that aren't mine really well, so, naturally, I read every single one of her issues as Batgirl as preparation. Twice.

And. I. Loved it. I loved it so much!!! I loved her so SO much!!! She was such an amazing, endearing, interesting character!!!! Then I finally sit down, and started the story. And let me tell you I was SUPER worried this would turn out mediocre, I wanted to portray the character well but didn't think I could. But then, then something, I don't know what, but something possessed me and I just… Began writing. And it turned out amazing. This is one of my best fics to date. I'm super proud of this one and it's a shame it's the least popular story of this series.

Grandfather's Collection:

Summary: A funny cute little story from Damian's childhood: The first time he pets a cat! (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: This fic was fun to write! It allowed me to show some stuff I wanted to show and it's always a treat to use an unreliable narrator. Also Damian as a tiny little kid excited because of a cat is a treasure. I guess I wish this had been a bit creepier??? But then again, it's hard to make anything truly creepy when your narrator is a tiny kid who's having the best day of his life.

Revolver:

Summary: Some time after coming back to life Jason discovers something's changed. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: I got conflicted feelings about this one. On one hand, I like how the narrator for Jason turned out, and I think the story is fine, it just feels… Idk, contrived? It does depart from canon by a lot (I'm sorry but I just love aus where Jason stays with Talia and Rah's for some time) and I worry Rah's motivations come off as, you know, kinda shallow??? He feels like a Disney villain. And I honestly like writing him like a Disney villain???? I know he's complex in canon and stuff but… Idk, I kind of really enjoy writing him as the embodiment of evil who can decide if you live or die in a whim, so I will probably keep writing him like that, even if it's ooc.

Engraving:

Summary: Tim asks Jason if he knows a good tattoo parlor. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: This one was fun!!! This was a bit of worldbuilding I wanted to show since I first invented this AU, and I think it turned out alright. I'm satisfied with Jason and Tim's interactions. I think including the conversations with Kon and Bart at the end was kind of forced maybe??? But fuck it!! It's fic!!! Personal enjoyment > Quality!

Sleepover:

Summary: Damian has a nightmare. Set during Dick's time as Batman. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: Hellooo again my love for writing weird ass dreams!! This fic was fun, and I like how it ended. From Damian's nightmare to Dick comforting him, it was nice. Just, a nice fic overall. I don’t have much else to add, just. I liked it, I had fun. I really like this one.

Tantrum:

Summary: Jason refuses to shift back, Bruce is out of his depth. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: Honestly this is bad. Just, a bad fic. I really wanted to write something with this general plot, but I don't know if I just wasn't inspired or what but at some point I just went “Ya know what, fuck it.” And rushed it, just, getting out of the way the list of things I wanted to include. Which is a shame cause the basic premise was good!!! I think I might rewrite it someday, I would like to actually write something good out of that plot. Hm.

Let's dance in my borrowed shoes tonight:

Summary: Dick is missing. Someone has to cover for him. (Talon!Dick Grayson series)

Thoughts: Another Cass fic, another idea I wasn't sure I could live up to, another amazing fic that turned out better than expected. I don't know why but Cass just awakens some poetic part of me I guess. It's funny, the more I write her, the more she starts to turn into my favorite character.

I like this one, a lot. Cass as Nightwing is super super cool, and I like how awkward and insecure she is with the whole thing. I really liked the whole watercolor thing too. I was practicing how to use watercolors around the time I wrote this, so you can bet that line came directly from that. I liked to describe the city as painting, I think it suits it. I just. Liked that part a lot.

Also you get a random girl trying to kiss Cass, so what’s not to love?!

Hight morning last minute visit:

Summary: Jason visits someone he hasn't seen in a while. (Talon!Dick Grayson series)

Thoughts: I had this idea for a while now, almost since the beginning of the series, a friend gave it to me and I wanted to write it but I wasn't sure how. I think this turned out alright, I liked my portrayal of Talon!Dick in this one for a change, and I really really liked adding that part where Jason admits he didn't actually kill anyone and tells the story of the kid.

Also, I had this idea for the happy birthday, and I even told my friend “I'm gonna end it in happy birthday Dick and it's gonna be super sad” and she was like “uhhh… Ok?” And I made sure the last line was a gut punch, and based on the reaction of everyone in the comments I succeeded!!!! It was important for me that the last line turned up the sad a lot, it was the whole point of the fic, so I'm glad I could make it work!!!!!

And by the way, the title isn’t a typo. I know how to write “high”. 

Training II: Teacher's teacher

Summary: Someone had to teach Dick how to be good at shifting before he was actually good at it. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: Oh man, this whole thing was basically just an info dump disguised as fluff. I needed to add some worldbuilding before moving to some stuff in this series so I used this to get it out of the way, I really hope it wasn't too confusing!!!

In general I liked this fic, I had a ton of fun writing it! I had this idea of Lois being an absolute beast in this AU and I'm happy I could finally show it off, even if I kind of feel she's a tiny itty bit out of character.

Also, there are tons of fics exploring Dick's relationship with Clark, but not so much with Lois. I wanted to make them closer in this AU than in canon and I like how their relationship was portrayed here…. Lois is just a ton of fun.

I also really like how when Lois talks about being a shifter her speech is exactly the opposite of what Dick tells Jason, just a fun detail that shows everything the characters say is just their perspective and everyone got a different opinion on how they see being a shifter, no one’s 100% right.

This was the last fic of 2018 and you got no fucking idea how hard it was to have it ready in time. I almost didn't include the last part because of lack of time, but!! At the end I was able to add everything I wanted to!!! And publish it in time!!!

Special fic

Syntax error.

Listen. Listen. This. This is a special one, that's why I'm talking about this apart from the others. Why is this fic a special one you ask? Oh, I don't know, maybe because I've bEEN WORKING AROUND EIGHT MONTHS ON THIS SHIT BEFORE EVEN PUBLISHING IT?!

Listen. Just. Just listen. I spent way too much time just plotting this story. Way too long. I spent hours just ranting about this to my friends. I made a fucking playlist for this thing. I spent days just figuring out what the chapters will be named. I spent HOURS. DAYS. Researching each character to write them properly, there are chapters I've written like four times for this shit.

Now, is this perfect? Hell no. Specially the first chapters are unpolished as hell and you know you're gonna find typos because I always miss at least one. But as far as I'm concerned this is the only thing I'm actually putting effort into. All the other fics? All the other fics and series I've talked about? Those are just projects to pass the time. Stuff I do when I'm bored. I love them, sure, but it's not like it took more than three hours to write any of them. They're fun stuff, they're entertainment, they're something to pass the time. I will write them between classes or when I'm bored and open drive in my phone and write them without much planning or care. They're just that. Fun

But this thing? This thing right here? Syntax error? That's my baby. That's my goddamn main project. This thing right here already stole hours of my goddamn life and it will only keep stealing more. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

I honestly don't give a fuck how many people read this one, I'm past the point of caring. I have and will keep pouring tears, sweat and blood into this shit. This is something I actually care about. This. This is such a personal project guys…. I…. Love… This one…

So that's the retrospective of fics published on 2018!!!!

Man, that was fun, let's just hope 2019 is also a fun, productive year!!!!!

[fumbliesthots]

2018 - Year in Review

Hot Mess Bitch à la Jan Bon - the most impressive dish I made (or participated in making) this year, on 31 Dec 2018. I guess now this space is for photos of what I did on NYE, following tradition of last year. It comprised of honeyed butter biscuit (baked from scratch!), sausage cream gravy, garlic polenta grits, cheesy scrambled eggs, topped with more uncased Italian sausage. 

I was kinda procrastinating writing this post I guess because I was placing such unnecessarily high expectations on this post to be the motherlode of all reflections this year, especially since I have started keeping a handwritten (almost-daily) journal recently. Sorry bloggy, I hope you don’t feel jealous.

This year feels too short and too long at once. I almost cannot remember what I did for the first half of the year (partly also because my journal writing habit only started post-June when Janz handed me my first journal book and encouraged me to start writing in it so that I can remember and process stuff that happened in my life). 

Maybe it feels long because I accidentally travelled a little too much this year (What blasphemy! Like too much is a thing when it comes to travelling?) But that was mostly thanks to the opportunity to do so from my work trips. Let me count the cities: Rome, Venice, Vienna, Prague, Budapest, Brussels, Bruges, Krabi, NYC, Seattle, Vancouver, Melaka.

Oh yeah and I turned 30 this year too. It’s surprisingly uneventful, but I guess this year is when I started feeling more like an adult, less wet behind the ears and more okay with being myself. Especially since now at work I’m surrounded by so many young people, and it feels kinda weird that they seem to look up to me and come to me for advice. 

New things I tried in 2018

Improv. I took an improv 101 class at the beginning of the year. It was good fun and pushed me out of my comfort zone to be less self-conscious and more spontaneous. I see some potential in using the concept of improv for the design process and I hope one day I can convince my colleagues to go check it out as well.

Piloxing. I wanted to make use of ActiveSG credits for the first time, and the idea of mixing pilates and kickboxing intrigued me. It was ok, pretty fun and not as intense as I expected. It’s kinda like a high-impact cardio exercise. Not my thing but I enjoyed it while it lasted.

Speaking at public events. I was invited as a speaker and panelist at General Assembly to talk about my experience as a designer. The first one was scary (and embarrassingly eventful). The next 2 as a panelist were more relaxed as I didn’t need to prepare that much. There is kind of an adrenaline kick doing this kind of thing sometimes, haha. 

Journal writing. I have to thank Janz for encouraging this habit by giving me a notebook for my birthday. I think writing down thoughts and just things that happen in the day really helps me process stuff and is kinda therapeutic. I would write about conversations I had, things I observed, and maybe even stuff I watched. 

PTTC aka Physical Touch Treatment Centre. This might sound a bit weird but in our Krabi UX teambonding trip, the girls were training me to be more touchy in showing sayang. That included patting heads and linking hands. And now I have become kinda good at it. (Okay.. this still sounds weird!)

Confessed to a boy. Rejected by said boy. But now we are good friends and I think I’m happy with that. And I think I’m pretty low maintenance and self-sufficient as a person/non-gf. This year I also concluded my online dating experiment and the result is the realisation that I don’t really need to find a partner to have a fulfilled life. Actually I already knew that from the start but this was a validation. But I’m grateful to have met so many guys from outside of my social bubble that I wouldn’t have met in otherwise. And the experience of meeting strangers also trained me to be more thick skin and be more socially confident. Glad I did this.

Things that made me sad in 2018

Colleagues that left. Early this year I was kinda shook when Michelle left. Even though we are not that close as friends, she and I had a good partnership as my researcher. Then Leonard, then Lydia, our dear POs. And then Gaofeng and Ernie left. My fellow Easy Team pioneers from the very beginning. :(

Macbook died. Itchy backside made me prematurely install Mojave OS before it was company-approved. My computer ended up getting corrupted and the IT guy tried so hard to help me save it for 2 whole weeks. In the end with all means tried, there was no choice to reformat the whole thing, and I lost all my files. That was an emotional 2 weeks.

SG team got booted off project. I found out after coming back from a trip and it hit me like a suddenly flying slap. But I don’t think it was anyone’s fault, just circumstances. And now I actually look forward to new challenges after this project comes to an end for me.

Chief Laihock’s passing. Chief was a great leader and strong pillar holding up GUI for the past 11 years, an inspiration to me and many people who know him. His passing was a sudden one and because of this keeping the kampung became a problem. I feel for the core team members who are working so hard to keep things running and continuing to fight this fight. Such passion is admirable and makes me want to do whatever I can to help.

Things I’m happy about in 2018

Read more books. Somehow managed to squeeze in more books into my reading diet this year. I’ve been gifted and lent many books this year and I guess because of that I was obliged to finish them, and that turned out to be a good thing. I also somehow unknowingly influenced some young’ins to start reading as a habit too, which surprised me. 

Learnt to monkey bar. I had a random goal of learning how to monkey bar in September. I’ve never ever been able to do it, when I first saw other kids playing on it in pri sch and felt left out and embarrassed because I couldn’t. But this year I decided to see if I could train myself to do it, perhaps because the bar was always at the fitness station downstairs mocking me. And in November I showed it. That sense of jubilance and exhilaration I had when I finally made that first swing from one bar to the next was amazing. And in the next couple of weeks of training I finally made it through the entire ladder. Woohoo!

Strengthened bonding with colleagues. This year the UX team has expanded quite a bit. We welcomed in Janz, Lily, Oppa, Shirshir, Shishi, Lulu and Lala. And we got close almost instantly, which I think is unusual for team of such size. Boss has done an incredible job in scaling positive team culture somehow, and I think for next year our challenge is how to spread this culture beyond just our team. 

Launched a fundraising campaign for GUI. The GUI web team’s work did not slack off since the launch of the 2.0 website last year. We did another release of 2.1 with some improvements after conducting some usability/feedback session with folks. And then in August when news of Laihock’s passing triggered the urgency to raise funds to keep GUI going and keep the land, we worked very hard meeting every week to come up with ideas on how to start a fundraising and awareness campaign. We pushed this campaign out in November and now to continue the efforts to tweak and optimise the message. Grateful to have a supportive volunteer team working hard together on this.

Didn’t take an MC this year. Last year I got sick quite often, almost once every 2 months. Then Gaofeng gave a suggestion that intrigued me. Exercise more. I decided to give it a try. And I’m proud to report that ever since I started exercising every alternate morning, my MC count this year has declined by 100%. I still got sick once or twice this year but it wasn’t so serious that I had to be bedridden. And I found going for a jog in the morning actually lifts my mood for the day. Two birds, bingo.

Knitted a hat. I joined our office’s Knit For Love group to learn how to knit a hat, and all knitted items would be donated to Singapore Cancer Society. I managed to finish mine in about 2-3 months after lots of getting stuck and having help. I was surprised that there are actually quite a few knitting enthusiasts in our office. And even to see a different side to those very notoriously fierce colleagues in the office - they were very kind and patient when it comes to teaching and guiding others. I love discovering new kinder sides of people.

Favourite things of 2018

Nonfiction Book - Crucial Conversations. Borrowed this from Lydia’s bookshelf. We even have a book review club at her house now to share our learnings. This book has valuable advice on how to handle tough conversations and I hope I could put it to proper practice and truly learn to do it.  

Fiction Book - A Dog’s Purpose. A gift from Janz she got at Strand Bookstore. This was a surprisingly thought-provoking book despite the silliness of the premise. Best of all, it’s only USD 48 cents. 

Podcast - Harry Potter and the Sacred Text. This one was recommended by Wei, a new friend I made from the DesignOps summit. Nothing can replace my love for Invisibilia but this one was another surprising gem. I like how they dissect and examine each chapter through lens of different themes and that made this beloved series even more meaningful.

Youtube Channel - Vox. I like the variety of smart educational and timely content presented in a visually appealing and simple to understand way. I especially liked their series explaining music and politics.

Music - Tessa Violet. Dodie. Chillhop radio. Pomplamoose.

Day memory - Cycling in Bruges with Eos. This was literally my idea of a perfect day come true. We had a cheap and cheerful breakfast at Hema, then rented a bike, and cycled all the way to Belgium in cool autumn weather, passing beautiful fields of flowers and farmlands and smelly cows. Had a sumptuous seafood lunch before heading back to town, serendipitously stumbling into an art gallery opening with free wine. Had a pigeon for dinner, then ending the day listening to jazz at a bar. 

Trip memory - NYC/Seattle/Vancouver with Janz. I liked our adventurous/slipshod spirit and the resulting shenanigans we got into because of that. And all our silly and thoughtful conversations in between. And the food we got to try and coming up with a weird rating system for them. 

Bonus - Making a Chinese rap music video with Jess. Jess and I bonded a lot during this 3-week Prague rotation trip. I liked practicing our rap every day walking to and from our office and hotel, and basically everywhere we go. She is such an easy person to have fun with, and we get a kick filming ourselves and annoying Leonard along the way (bless him).

Things to work on in 2019

Figure out how to be a leader. I recently got promoted to Design Ops Lead of the team. There will be a lot of dealing with people and processes, and that is something I have to learn how to manoeuvre. But having a new challenge is always exciting.

Being more articulate and assertive. Along with the above might mean learning how to better communicate expectations and handling tough situations.

Plan more and be less slipshod about things. There are times to be happy-go-lucky and be spontaneous about things. But wisdom is knowing when to pay attention and take care of the details, especially when the outcome might affect other people, not just myself.

Being more caring with my parents. Last year one of my resolutions was to improve my communication with my parents. I tried by listening to more chinese podcasts and speaking chinese more often. But I realised sometimes talking is not enough, it’s the tone and body language. How you show attention and care that matters. 

Continue staying healthy. In the mind and the body. That means keeping and perhaps even increasing my regular exercise regime. And meditate more regularly! 

So here’s what I did on the first day of 2019 – Taking a beautiful hike with my lovely buddies! It’s a gonna be happy new year, oh yes.

[pwettypwita]

Karaoke, Is Kara-OK? | Karamel Fanfiction #4 (Part 8)

Author’s Note : So.. It’s been awhile since I updated this series. I took a “hiatus” and I was starting to get a cold feet about it tbh. But, some of you are eagerly asking me to update, asking me about updates. And any encouragements coming from you are like rays of sunshine. So for your honor, here’s the Part8 from the KIKO Series of Karamel Fanfiction #4 - which I haven’t uploaded on Tumblr yet, and I hope you enjoy reading! I already posted this couple weeks ago, but since Part9 is coming anytime soon (I promise), here’s what happened before then. PS: play the song while you’re reading the story ;) #itllbringyouallthefeels

For previous chapters, click : Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7

••••••○••••••

Karaoke, Is Kara-OK? #np : Ed Sheeran - Shape Of You & Tenerife Sea

It’s 5pm now.

Kara left her office early. She finished and submitted her draft about the Alien Fight Club to Snapper hours earlier than the deadline. It granted her to leave the office earlier than the regular office hour, while her boss proofread, arranged, and decided which one of his staff’s article was the best for the headline. So now she’s home. Thank Rao there were no major crime she needed to take care of for today, so she can came home early to have some free time - me time - for herself later in the afternoon.

Well, actually she came home early to prepare herself.

That’s right. She needed to prepare herself, because in two hours, Kara’s going to meet Conner for a salsa and tacco night. Which two of those words Kara not really familiar with. Well, she knows what a salsa and tacco are. She dances, but not salsa dance. She eats tacco, but pizza and potstickers are her most favorites food. She was still thinking whether she needs to go or just take a rain check on it. She was still thinking whether she should be going or just staying at home, yet it made her feeling nervous and anxious all day.

Earlier this morning, Kara received a bouquet and a pendant necklace from Conner. She was surprised. For all she knew, they just met twice. First at the bar where he bought her drinks, and the second time was when they coincidentally bumped-into-each-other-then-went-for-a-brunch-together at Noonan’s where they had coffee and sticky buns together. And now he sent her gifts.

She just freshly showered and was about to blow dry her damp hair, when she heard a knock on her door. With her x-ray vision she looked through the wall and there she saw Mon El standing outside the door. She threw her damp towel elsewhere and walked to the door.

“Hi!”, Mon El greeted excitedly as Kara opened the door.

“Hi.. What are you doing here? Did something happened? Is everything okay?”, she asked worrily.

“Can you stop being a superhero for once? When someone comes to you, it doesn’t always mean that something happened, Kara”

“Sorry, and please come in”, she moved a little to the side so Mon El could walk in. “So, what happened?”

“Don’t ask me. You’re the one who’s going on a date”

“Wh, what? It’s not a date, Mon El”, she denied.

“Winn told me that when a guy and a girl went out together, and just the two people getting together for an activity..”

“Yes but it’s not a date, Mon El.. It’s just,”

“Yeah right..”, he said. Then he rubbed his hands before asking her, “So, what are you gonna wear?”

“What I’m gonna what now?”

“What are you gonna wear to this date?”

“Ugh! Again, this is not a date, Mon El. It’s just a dinner with a.. friend. And second,”

“And second, you cannot wear those lame and outdated cardigan you have. So threw it out”, he being sassy, Kara gave him the look. “What? Don’t give me the look. You’ll thank me later, Kara”

“Why do I need your opinion?”, she asked as she walked to the livingroom and Mon El followed.

“Because I’m a guy, and I know what a guy wants, what a guy likes. And I’m your friend, right? Friends help a friend in need” Again with the “friend”? Really Mon El?, he said to himself.

“Do I need it….”

“You do! Now, chop chop. Blow dry your hair or whatever and show me what you got” He ordered, both laughed.

“Now where do you know about blow dry”, Kara said as she walked to her room.

Mon El’s mood seemed to be lighten up than earlier. Just this morning he was looking tensed and unfriendly, but now he has this excitement and he’s being friendly. Suspiciously friendly. Although Kara wondered his motives, she feels glad that there’s someone helping her for this prompt matter.

Mon El walked behind her, and slumped to one of the couch in her livingroom. Kara took two minutes to blow dry her hair, do the side bangs, pinned half side of the hair up, and put the first dress on. It was a knee length mid sleeves floral A-line dress, she added a white belt on the waist. It’s a more of formal outfit than a daily outfit. She walked to him, and asked for his opinion.

“OK. First dress. What do you think?”, Kara asked, her hands on the waist.

“Really?”, Mon El narrowed his eyes. It was a no. “No. Next”, he ordered.

“You sure?”, she asked again.

“Yes. Next!”

She walked back to her room. Well it’s the first dress, Kara looked in the mirror and wasn’t really impressed with the dress anyway. She agreed with him. Then she quickly changed her dress.

While waiting for the second dress, Mon El took the remote control and turned the TV on to a music channel. Ed Sheeran’s song Shape of You just started to play. As it played, he listened to the song and starting to like it. He likes the beat. It’s sexy.

“Here’s the second”, Kara said as she walked to Mon El. She wore a sleeveless turtle neck black and white stripes flare dress, with a black cardigan.

“BIG NO. Are you going for a job interview or something? And what did I say about the cardigan?”, he rejected immediately after he saw what he saw.

“Threw it.” She huffed.

“Good. Go” Mon El said nonchalantly waving his hand. Kara let out a grunt and in a whooz she disappeared.

While waiting for Kara, Mon El focused his stare to the music video on TV. The music video written the lyrics. Just like in a karaoke, he sang along. He kinda like this song. The beat, the lyric, Ed’s voice, it made his body move.

“Everyday discovering something brand new, I’m in love with your bo…”, he sang along then Kara walked out. “..dy”

He locked his stare to a perfectly looking Kara in her ruffles off shoulder body fit black dress. The medium length dress was simple, yet it looked sexy and hugged Kara’s body perfectly. He wondered why he never saw Kara wearing this dress before, nor Kara ever wore this dress before. She looked amazing, like really amazing on it.

“What do you think?”, Kara asked.

“Wow.. This is.. You are..”, he was dumbstruck. His mouth tried to form a word.

“This is the one! Wow.. Kara.. you look”, he just lost of words. He stood up from the couch.

“I’ll take that as a yes!”, she said proudly.

“A thousand yes! You look amazing, Kara.. Wow…” He exclaimed then whispered softly, “He’s one lucky guy”

“Come again?”

“Nothing..”

The thought of “lucky guy” - of Conner, who’s going to be the one to spend the evening with such an amazing look and an amazing person like Kara, it broke his heart. Sometimes she doesn’t even have to say a word to make his heart hurt.

“Well, thank you for your help. I bought this for special occasions; and I never wear this dress because when I put it on, I think it’s too sexy.. and as a Supergirl, I can’t really,”

“Well you look perfect”, he complimented before she could finish her sentence.

Their eyes locked to each other for a couple seconds. Smile plastered on their face, but Mon El broke the stare before he get drowned into it and do something he’d later regret. He took a step forward to her.

“Alright. Done with the dress. Now, let’s practice a salsa”

“Let’s what now?”

“Let’s practice a salsa. Come on, now follow my lead”, he said as he sang along with the song. She let a laugh came out from her mouth.

“You know how to salsa?”, she asked in disbelief as Mon El walked to her.

“Hey I’m a dancing star on Daxam. We danced a lot. And although we didn’t have this so called salsa dance, but Barry and Winn showed me a video..”

“A video?”, Kara asked. Mon El nodded.

“They showed me these videos of this Val guy and then Derek something from that dancing show.. Long story short, I know the steps. I’m a fast learner y'know.. Now, let’s practice”

Kara hesitated, but Mon El quickly grabbed her hand to get her to stand beside him before she changed her mind.

“Come on, lit the spirit! This song and this beat is perfect, you, follow my lead”, he said as Kara stood beside him.

“Do I really need this crash course..”

“M hm. You helped me to adjust and adapt on earth, so please let me in return teach you how salsa..”, he said politely. Kara smiled at him. He tapped his feet already.

“Now salsa, it’s all about the feet and the steps. It’s all about embracing your sexiness.. and have some fun. It’s an easy basic 8 count steps..”, he explained. He stood beside her to show her the salsa On1 step.

“See.. Starts from the neutral position, then you step forward with your left, back again to neutral. Then step backward with your right, and back again to center”

Kara followed his lead, and moved her feet just like Mon El showed her. First with the feet side by side in neutral position, then step forward, neutral position. Then step backward with another, and back in neutral position. He helped her to learn the steps with a count from one to eight to make it easier. They stepped together as he teached her to mastered the basic step first. Then they moved rhythmically with the song. Kara quickly kept up with his pace, so Mon El took her hand as he stepped forward and stood in front of her.

“That’s perfect. Now take my hand”, he said and she did. “And another on my back shoulder”

“Now your shoulders.. You keep it straight and broadened, but do not stiffened. Hands above here..”, he touched her shoulder and grabbed her hands to a position.

“Good.. Now the feet” Kara listened to him intently and followed his lead.

Ed Sheeran’s Shape of You still played as their back sound and they started to move. They danced like a natural. First they started with a slow step, then he slowly up the tempo. They danced for a minute trying to keep up and not to step on each other’s toes. They danced in sync. Then he spread his hand and rolled her out, then pulled his hand and rolled her back. She laughed.

Then they speeded up the tempo, they speeded up their steps, and on the final move, right at the bridge of the song, he spun her around. He catched her just in time, and threw her back almost to the floor with his hand on her back, and that’s how their quick course crash course salsa course ended. Their breath hitched, then she let out a giggle.

His nose just inches away from her lips, inches away from her neck. For don’t know how many times, they were in a kissing distance. And with that, the song ended. And with such forceful tension of desire between them, both were trying hard to not make a move and kiss another. He pulled her back up, Kara jumped and clapped her hands. She was all smiley, a big smile on her face.

“That was amazing!! Thank you Mon El!”, she said excitedly.

“Pshh..”, Mon El played it cool.

“Alright. Salsa, the steps, the shoulder, the hips. Got it. Now I need to find my heels. Then I’m good to go”, she said as she walked back to her room excitedly.

“Can I get some water?”, Mon El asked as he walk to her kitchen.

“Oh yes! Sure. It’s in the fridge” her voice sounded distant from her room.

He took two bottles of water. He opened one for himself and took a gulp right away. There was a silence in the room, except a low sound of music playing from the TV. As he was playing the label on the bottle, he started to wonder about something. So he asked her.

“So, what do you think about Conner?”, Mon El asked.

He asked her a question. He finally asked her the question. He’s been wondering about that for days, he’s been wondering about how or what Kara really thinks about Conner for days. And he figured that perhaps this is the right time to ask her about it. Kara walked out her room wearing a perfect match heels for the dress. She wore her peep toe black heels that lengthen her legs and made her look hundred times sexier. Then she walked to him who was sitting on her kitchen stool.

“Actually, I never think about Conner”, she answered as she took a bottle of water Mon El offered.

“You wanna know what I think?”, he asked.

“What do you think?”

“I think he’s suspicious”, he said it right-to-the-point.

“Why, why would you think that?”, her eyebrows were narrowed.

“It’s just the vibe, you know.. I mean, I’m not saying that he’s a jerk or something, but, I just have suspicions on him. Guys kinda have this radar on other guys…”, he tried to explain.

“Well thank you for being a caring friend, Mon El”, she said politely, sweetly, as she grazed his hand. Mon El smiled in return. He couldn’t help but having goosebumps arose all over his body from her touch.

“M hmm…”

She looked at her watch, it read 6:20pm. She had to go now if she wanted to be at Cabana on time. Because with no cape, no Supergirl outfit, only Kara, means she should walk or took a bus to get there. And it takes time.

“Well, again, thank you Mon El. And now, I have to go”, Kara said as she walked to grab her long coat and turned off the TV. “Oh do you want to stay here? You can stay in, I won’t be long. And I have frozen pizza on the fridge in case you’re hungry”, Kara came back as she putted on her knee length black coat.

“Oh no no, thank you.. But I think I’ll go back to the DEO. Barry and Winn are there”

“Oh right! Barry texted me said he wanted to have a pizza party at The DEO before he travel back to Central City”

“Yes.. It sounds inviting right. Hey, you don’t wear that gift he sent you today?”

“Wear what? what gift?”, Kara asked looking confuse.

“That necklace he sent you..”

“Oh that, yes! I almost forgot” She quickly walked back to her room, and not a second later came back with the necklace.

“That’s a pretty necklace”, Mon El said.

“Would you mind helping me to put it on?”, she asked a favor. Mon El nodded, he walked to her, and took the necklace from her hand.

“Yes. Of course.. Allow me”, he said as he walked to stand behind her.

She pulled her hair up. His fingers were trembling from the view of Kara’s neck. He put it around her neck, and as his finger accidentally brushed her neck as he tried to lock the clasp, he could feel her skin reacted to his touch. Oh how he wanted to kiss that sweet spot.

“All done”, he said as he cleared his throat. He took a step away from her then he took a deep breath to neutralize the desire in his system. It’s crazy how she has this kind of power over him.

“It’s perfect” he said as she turned her body facing him.

“Thank you, Mon El”, she said. “Well, I should go..”

“Right…”

With that, he walked to the door, opened it, and took couple steps further. Kara followed behind, closing the door and locking the key. They started walking through the hallway, when Mon El stopped in his track and called her.

“Kara wait”, he said.

“I am serious about having suspicions.. about Conner,” he took a breath. “To keep a peace of my mind, can I walk you to Cabana? I swear I won’t get in the way, I just need to make sure that you’re safe”

Kara looked at him intently. His face expressed his worries. He worried about her. She figured that maybe this was the main reason why Mon El came to her apartment, to actually keep her company, to chaperoned her, to guard her.

“You want to walk me to Cabana?”

“Yes. Just to make sure you’re safe. I mean, I know you’re a big girl, and I know you can take care of yourself, but not everyone knows that you’re a Supergirl, and it’s better for you to keep it that way, so I just wa-”

“Yes”, Kara said.

“Yes?”, Mon El asked.

“Yes, of course you can walk me to Cabana.. Now let’s go”, she answered. Mon El was all excited and happy like a kid in a candy shop. He can walk Kara to the Cabana, he walk with Kara to the Cabana.

20 minutes later..

Cabana is the new tacco place open near the West Mainestreet intersection, across the street from the Groceries&Restaurant. Kara and Mon El walked and talked along their walk, they didn’t realize that they’re just standing across the street from Cabana. They stopped right in front of Groceries&Restaurant.

“That’s Cabana.. We’re here”, Mon El said as he snuck his hands to the pocket of his jacket.

“Yup. Thanks for walking me, Mon El”. He smiled at her.

“My pleasure”, he said.

“You sure you don’t want to come?”, she asked. Why are you doing this to me, Kara? You know I’d like to come.

“No, you enjoy your night, tacco, salsa, date, or whatever, and have fun”, he said.

“You too. Say hello to Barry from me? I’ll come to the DEO soon after the dinner”

“Sure”, he curved a sided smile.

“And save a slice for me please?”, she asked him a favor.

“Haha.. That, I can’t promise you”, he said laughingly. “Well, I should go. You pretty lady, enjoy your date”, he turned to his right about to walk.

“Mon El..”, she called him. He stopped and turned his head to Kara.

She walked closer to him. And to his surprise, she hugged him. She hugged him tight. He slip his hands out of his jacket, and hugged her back just as tight.

“Thank you…”, she whispered in his embrace.

She loosen her hug, then she gave him a kiss on his cheek and smile. She walked from him, crossing the street and in to the Cabana. His hands searching for her as the absent of her warmth changed to the freezing cold air breeze.

“Somehow you don’t have to open your mouth or say anything to hurt me. You can just.. go”, Mon El whispered as Kara entered Cabana. He realized that he just let Kara go, he just let Kara slipped away from him. And he realized what Alex said to him was true, that it’s hurting him. And the worse part, it’s all happened right in front of his eyes and he didn’t do anything about it.

•••••

An hour later.. The DEO Meeting Room

“Too bad Kara wasn’t here to have the last slice of the pizza.. It’s mine…”, Winn said about to take the very last slice of the delicious pepperoni pizza. J'onn, Alex, Barry, James and Mon-El were all sitting and staring at him when someone’s coming

“Don’t you dare touching my pizza!”, a loud voice coming from behind. Winn raised his hands away from the pizza. All of them were turning their head to the coming voice. To their surprise, it was Kara’s.

“You’re heree!!”, Winn exclaimed happily.

“Kara! I know you’d come”, Barry said just as happy as Kara came to him and gave him a hug with one hand because her other was holding a paperbag.

“Of course I come! Please tell me you save the last slice”, Kara said.

“You’re lucky just in time.. Winn and Mon El were fighting over the last one”, Barry said.

“It’s mine!”, she pointed her finger to Winn.

“And, I hope your stomach aren’t full, because..”, she said as she placed the paperbag on the glass table. “Tacco and potstickers!!”, she exclaimed excitedly as she pulled out five containers from the bag one by one.

All of them were cheering for round two. They were all munching the potstickers and taccos Kara brought, and it’s almost gone within five minutes.

“Oh hey, how was your date?”, Barry asked as he dipped the tacco to the guacamole.

“It wasn’t a date, Barry”, Kara responded with a mouthful.

“Yeah I don’t think so either, since it’s only 8pm and you’re here..”, Barry said with tacco in his mouth.

“You chickened out weren’t you?”, Winn snickered as he took a bite of his potsticker.

“What? I’m not. Conner cancelled on the last minute”

“He did what?”, Winn almost choked his potsticker.

“Yeah.. He said he got something at work, and…”, then Kara told Winn what happened. But only Winn, Alex, and J'onn listened. While Barry and Mon El shared a look. He then whispered to him.

“Go get her man”, Barry mouthed. Mon El only responded with a smirk.

And then they spent the night talking, laughing, teasing, and telling stories about how Kara and Barry became a superhero. The talk went for hours, without them realizing that it’s 11pm and it’s time for Barry to leave.

“These potstickers are da bomb. Thanks Kara..”, Barry said as he gave her a hug.

“You are most welcome”, Kara hugged him back.

“Alright. I got to go”, Barry said. “And don’t forget, if you need anything, I’m just a call - no, a portal away. Thanks a lot guys.. J'onn..” Barry said for the last time before he pushed the button of his inter-dimentional extrapolator. He walked through it, then he disappeared in a flash.

What they didn’t know was, this inter-dimentional crossover portal thing, it wasn’t a new thing. The portal can be created to crossover - and not only to crossover between Kara’s and Barry’s earth. Somewhere in National City, another portal to another dimention was open, and that would mean for trouble. And for trouble, they better prepare.