#possible tw: anxiety

[t-sockz]

[rib-rabbitmask]

"Don't look to the walls, and going to be fine."

( Click 4 better quality! )

Vent art. 2024

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[hylianengineer]

I love (sarcasm) when research says things like "this side effect is uncommon" and then it continues to say it occurs in something like 5 or 10% of people. That's so common! One in twenty or one in ten! Is there some official definition of 'common' they're using here that differs from the colloquial one?

[moopbox]

do u ever feel alive but not...

like ur body is alright n stuff but ur mind...isn't... I don't FEEL alive... its like I'm distant from me... I'm not here... I can feel my limbs I can feel the blood going through me I can feel everything that I've ever hurt.. I can breathe...I can see.. i can write these words down....but I'm just not. just not here my head is fuzzy,parts of me hurt..idk..

more in tags...

[faunabel]

actually i hate when people say intrusive thoughts are "bad things you'd never want to do" because that's just turning one misunderstanding of ocd into another.

most of my intrusive thoughts r along the lines of "they hate u. they're going to hurt u. do This Compulsion and they won't hurt u. do it again. again. u must fix the problem. ok its fixed. nvm its an hour later and the fix wore off do it again or they will hurt you."

an intrusive thought is any unwanted thought that keeps intruding and causing distress. thats literally it.

[jackdaw-and-hattrick]

The press went NUTS when they found out the Dick was working as a pole dancer. It was big news, and everyone wanted to know how Bruce Wayne felt about his Baby Boy working as a stripper. B was… well, he was ticked. Not at Dick, no, he was just proud of him for getting a well paying job in an area he enjoyed. No, B’s fury sat squarely on the press. Papers that had gleefully printed sexual photos and articles about him were now aghast about Dick.

See, B’s whole “playboy” cover wasn’t originally exactly Bruce’s idea. He remembered vividly as a teenager the perceived humiliation of these adults sexualizing every little thing he did and of the constant anxiety of trying and failing to control his image; the way they seemed to pounce on any tiny flaw in his appearance or behavior and the paranoia that developed after the first of many photos of him was published of him just… going about his day, paired with a big red headline blasting him for daring to be a teenager. He remembered being terrified of being seen wearing a swimsuit and refusing to eat in public. So eventually, him leaning into this sexualization as a cover story wasn’t so much because he liked it, but because he knew how eagerly everyone would eat it up.

Now here was Dick, making an informed, consensual choice about how he wanted to be perceived, and they wanted to vilify him for it. So yes, B may have flew off the handles a bit, and yes, it probably wasn’t the best move to punch a reporter, but he had fought Hell to protect his kids from what he had gone through, and that sure as fuck wasn’t going to change any time soon.

[telesodalite]

This is a bit random, but I've been thinking about Misfire a lot lately, and it struck me, that with his adhd, the whole implied/hc'd substance use is only sometimes considered as a form of self-medicating? And, idk, I find the concept interesting.

Like, yeah sure, within the canon implications it's just stereotypical stuff, so it can be interpreted as wholly recreational, and whatever one might call accidentally catching a high from blood you've taken from a corpse.

But like, his adhd is emphasized as an important aspect of his character, so surely it's impacted his millions of years worth of life with its symptoms? Both good and bad?

The Decepticons in idw1 are weird, in many ways lol, but in the sense that they're the faction defined by their oddballs and rejects. They're the unwanted, the belittled, the different, the oppressed, the strange, the mad. But at the same time, any deviance from their impossible and ever-changing standards is punishable and looked down upon.

It's a classic, almost frustratingly stereotypical case of a system built against oppression becoming the oppressors. But that's not the point here.

The point is that they opened their arms and offered the idea of freedom to those who felt different from the pre-war standards, who felt belittled by it, or betrayed by it, and promptly went and turned around on these people to make them feel belittled and betrayed and made different from their own new standards.

Abuse, in many forms, runs rampant within Decepticon ranks. From the very top, to the very bottom. Any deviation or perceived weakness is an open invitation for such actions. Throw in the DJD, and there's no escape from it. No way to get out, only fit in and keep your head low, or become the very thing you originally wanted to fight against and be free from.

Substance abuse is mentioned in canon enough to assume that certain amounts of it were almost expected across both Decepticon and Autobot ranks and contingents. But considering the condition of Decepticon standards and communities, it can be assumed to be a bit more rampant in their case.

So, Misfire. We don't have much context for his background and what all he's seen and done.

It's implied he did some spywork, or at least made some cross faction connections during the war with Brainstorm, which might've been a big enough deal that it caught the attention of Skids, because he's aware of Misfire of all people, knows he changed his name right at the end of the war, and considers Misfire somewhat as a nemesis, which, might I remind thee that Skids was part of a secret special operations unit, a secret special operations unit under fucking Prowl!? So uh, possible big interesting stuff that never got explained there.

(The possible spy bit keeps me up at night I swear to god, bcs wtf were all those tiny implications supposed to mean?!? I need to know all the details of that possible spy drama so bad, omg)

Then, we know he "accidentally" killed "a dozen" other cons towards the end of the war, and that he was going to be jailed for it.

So Misfire's life obviously went down the drain before the murdering a dozen fellow soldiers bit, but considering every awful and challenging factor of being a sub-par soldier in the Decepticon army/air force, what kept him from doing something like that earlier on?

More important, what got someone like him through the war? What kept him going? What kept him alive? Well uh... the same thing that kept a lot of Decepticons going I guess. Substance abuse.

Ok so where does the self-medication angle of this whole thing come in Teles?? My answer to that would be, uh, inherently ig.

Because think about it, you're just some kinda weird guy, caught in the middle of one long ass war. You're never good enough, can't achieve the one thing you've been gunning(lol) for, and are just sorta flying by the seat of your metaphorical pants through life. You're a solider, and a victim of systematic abuse because of that, and at some point, you're possibly a perpetrator of that abuse*. On top of all that, you've also got raging adhd during all this stress and trauma, and man, quieting those racing thoughts and numbing that constant buzzing itch in your body probably feels really good when you're escaping your extremely stressful situation for just a bit.

It feels better to be more detached, to be "calmer", less caught up in a hundred thoughts at once, more focused, more in control. Eventually this becomes the subconscious focus of his using to ease the stress. It "fixes" something. Makes things "right". So casual escapist substance use tumbles into substance abuse and addiction.

How this factors into his post-war life, idk, you decide ig.

I figure the scavs being broke and cut-off from others could play a part in Misfire having to wean himself off of whatever substances were most common among his ranks, but he's also probably creative enough to make stuff from whatever they pick up. Anything considered to be "hard stuff" would likely be frowned upon or policed by Krok tho, because of the whole traumatic experience with Roadbuster and his extreme brutality due to perceived Syk abuse.

But then again, the scavs are all still very much cons with vices, and 100% constant sobriety is apprently a challenge or punishment for cons and bots alike post war.

-

*(Expanding on that bit via another ramble I had lying around that i thought i'd include)

When considering Misfire's adhd, most things emphasize the hyperactivity and impulsiveness in general without also emphasizing the negative sides.

That moment where he almost punches Grimlock comes to mind a lot.

It could be viewed as just a side-effect of perpetuated Decepticon abuse, a knee-jerk reaction that may have been turned on him during the war for his mistakes, that he in turn expresses towards others "mistakes".

Something to also consider here though, is how the impulsivity of adhd can make violent reactions worse, anger and/or frustration harder to control, and harder to hold back from expressing outwardly or physically, especially if left unchecked or untreated for a long time.

But Misfire stops and takes a second to collect himself before becoming somber as he considers Grimlock's perspective.

This instinctually violent reaction is not something he wants, or likes, and judging by how much time has passed by that point in the comic, this has been something he's been working on and is still working on.

But what about while he was still an active solider? When holding back was seen as a weak or foolish response? How did the impulsivity play into it? After being treated like that himself, struck or beaten for mistakes, at what point did it snap and he found himself standing over another solider as they stared up at him with that same fear and shock and hurt he had felt. How did that affect him to know he was capable of doing that without thought?

Because, ya know, he's done bad things too...

[rose-riot-johnson]

Okay my Tumblr Peeps, I was asked about doing a particular fanfic a Shinsou, so it was requested. Anyways, it will comfort fluff fic, that could be dark, which I will be willing to write as well😃👍I couldn't think of how else to word things for this intro, so I do hope this fanfic will help you, if you're struggling.

*Note: Atleast one paragraph will be long.

💜You Have Me Now💜((Adult) Hitoshi Shinsou x Depressed They/Them Reader)

Genres: Comfort Fluff and Possible Angst (Warning⚠️: trigger warnings including, mentions of self harm, possible attempt of self harm, depression, and mentions of depression)

Eversince before Shinsou became a pro hero, he began a relationship with you. He felt you made his life better and that you helped him with his confidence to become a pro hero. However, Shinsou has been noticing through your messages and cellphone and/or social media calls with him that you have been depressed recently and he wasn't sure, if it's because of the fact that you and Shinsou being unable to spend time together for the last couple weeks. So, one day he decided he has plans to surprise you.

The day Shinsou picked to surprise you, he went to your house with gifts that you might like. He knocked on the door, but there was no answer. He checked the door to see, if it was locked, then realized it was left unlocked, as he was checking to see, if the door was locked or if he could open it. He then put the gifts on the couch in the living room to see about looking for you.

Shinsou went to check the kitchen, then there you were, however you were holding the razor, when he found you, then he shouted, "(They/Them Reader Name)! Stop whatever you're thinking about doing!", as he used his brainwashing, to get you to look at him. You then looked at him, as you said, "Shinsou? I'm sorry you had to see this... I really wasn't expecting you to be there... I mean...", then started to feel ashamed. "Look, (They/Them Reader Name)... I don't mean I make you feel ashamed or guilty... I just wanted to know why you were about to harm yourself with that razor... I have been noticing the messages and how you sounded during those call with me and I'm not sure, if it's because of us not spending time together... For some reason I just feel responsible for your depression...", Shinsou explained in self blame, as he started to feel sad and guilty for what you were about to do.

You then felt guilty for noticing how he felt, so you said, "It's not your fault, Shinsou... It's just... My depression has just been an on and off thing longer, than I could even remember... I really struggled with depression on and off before knowing I had depression and anxiety both... And I had alot of issues with being bullied alot mainly in middle school... then since I was a third year in a hero school, I did have my first relationship, however he criticized me, because I cried over something traumatizing from my past and he broke up with me... Then when I tried to have relationships it was either just hook ups, or nothing happened, or they were just an interest, or the relationship was just short lived somehow... It's as if no one wanted me even enough to keep me... I just was so used to short lived relationships... My depression just keeps creeping up on me to the point I felt like I'm reliving my past... I felt like, since I was unwanted in a relationship... I felt doing what you stopped me from doing, would be best...", then let your head down afterwards. Shinsou then replied, "Look, (They/Them Reader Name). You have me now. You don't need the razor. And I promise to keep giving you reassurance about our relationship, that you are needed, and (anything else pertaining to the reader's imagination). I will do my best to be there for you.", as Shinsou then hugged you, as you dropped the razor on the floor. Both you and Shinsou began to hug together, as you asked, "You really mean it, Shinsou?". He then replied, "Ofcourse. I meant every word of it, (They/Them Reader Name)".

Later that day, Shinsou letted you know that he made the decision that he will be living with you from now on, so he can makesure your well-being improves and keeps improving, as well. You were perfectly fine with it, since you enjoy his company, just as much as he enjoys your company. As time went by, Shinsou has been taking care of you and he even cooks for you, when you're not expecting him to cook for you.

Since Shinsou can easily notice the signs of you having anxiety, depression, and other things pertaining to what could happen to your well-being, he definitely makesure to keep a definite eye on you and makesure it gets tooken cared of. He will also makesure you talk about it and he will do so without pushing you to talk about it, if needed. It's because, even without his brainwashing, it's possible for you to talk about things that might be bothering you.

So, aside from being a pro hero, Shinsou cares alot about you and everything he did for you in your relationship with him, including his everyday reassurance, proves how much he really loves you. He will makesure you're tooken cared of in every single way, if needed. And that includes your well-being. He will also makesure no one, will ever hurt you anymore. He even promised you and himself that nobody will hurt you, ever again.

💜The End💜

I do hope this fanfic will help my Tumblr Peeps. And @shinaevordie I do hope I work on this fanfic correctly while I hope this fanfic helps, as well. I don't often talk much about depression nor anxiety, unless I'm reblogging posts pertaining it, however I'm sure alot of people go through it. The thing about well-being is, it's good to stay positive, however by personal experience it's easier said than done when it comes to not relapsing into depression and anxiety. Sometimes I feel depression and/or anxiety can creep up on people, even without them knowing. And yes on and off depression and anxiety has happened to me too, even if it just mild. I don't talk about myself pertaining this due to fear of criticism and stuff. This is the best I can think of wording my conclusion, since I don't usually talk much about myself pertaining anxiety and depression. Anyways Aevyn, thank you for asking me to work on this type of fanfic pertaining Shinsou, as well. Seriously, I honestly credit you, for almost all of the Shinsou fanfics, I have written about🤗💗

[bionicle-ramblings]

So since Matau is growing on me and I understand his character a little more, I saw somewhere that he, like Vakama, also has a bit of anxiety and self-worth/confidence issues. Where Vakama's anxieties come from his not feeling good enough to be a Toa due to not wanting to have ever been one in the first place, and from his guilt at Lhikan's capture, Matau's anxiety is more about keeping up "appearances"

This is more interpretation and personal experience(I may need to reread the books some more later), but Matau always doing reckless things in the name of "bravery" is an example of an "appearance," as he's trying to be a Toa the way he's SEEN Toa be: Brave, strong, always doing something dangerous, but still doing it while smiling. Add to that Matau is the wisecracking, comic relief of the group, always throwing jokes and keeping things upbeat, he's more or less set up an image of the Toa he wants to be seen as even if we or the Toa Metru don't know it:

The Toa Matau wants to be seen as someone brave, someone who sees danger and laughs, someone who can keep spirits high in the team. He also mainly just wants to be seen, noticed, KNOWN by all who see him, and he wants to be seen, noticed, and known as the image of himself he's trying to live up to

We don't know if Matau has ever WANTED to be a Toa, but I can imagine that seeing how loved and how much attention the Toa Mangai most likely received, Matau may have gotten a certain image of what a Toa is, HOW a Toa is. Upon becoming a Toa, he goes straight into making sure he IS that very image, that he fits the mold he made for himself

The way I can best put the type /version of "anxiety" Matau has is this:

Imagine having to ensure you are the one in the group that smiles, the one everyone knows as the "ray of sunshine," or the one that picks everyone else up. No one put this role or expectation on you. You put it on yourself and it's something that soon becomes second nature as you adapt and begin to really "live" in even if it's not really living

I'm not saying that we're not seeing the real Matau(if anything we see him more because this is his ideal version of himself, so to speak), but I can imagine that most of what we see of Matau is the image he's made for himself and a lot of his pride and vanity comes from this image

It's small moments where the "real" Matau starts to show, or more specifically how Matau reacts when he is not recognized as a Toa, or as the image of a Toa he made for himself. One such moment in question comes in the Coliseum scene in Legends of Metru Nui, when the false Dume turns the crowd against the Toa:

When Vakama tries to tell the crowd that the Dark Hunters took Toa Lhikan rather than the Toa, we see most of the Toa react, especially Matau, who has nothing to say and can only back away from the crowd as they call turn against him, believing the lie told about him

No quips

No trying to back Vakama and say they're innocent

Just silence

And other quiet moment is when we see him for a moment in the Vahki transport, as he, Nokama, and Vakama go to Po-Metru. As Nokama tells Vakama to have faith in being a Toa, Matau simply watches, not saying anything. It may be a "nothing" moment, but from looking at the scene again, Matau appears to be sitting in a similar position to Vakama, just with one knee up, and he only looks at Nokama and Vakama when Nokama says, "You will. Have faith," to Vakama having doubts about his being a Toa.

We don't know if Nokama and Matau even had a conversation before Nokama spoke with Vakama, but knowing Matau's little reaction in the scene happens and he's more or less back to himself after, I think that maybe Matau might have been dealing with feelings of, "If I can't be what I imagine a Toa to be, then am I even a Toa at all?" Maybe hearing what Nokama said and hearing Vakama's insecurities boosted him a little and helped pull him out of those feelings because he is more or less back to himself when in the crafter's village in Po-Metru

Am I saying Matau is also an anxiety coded character? A little bit. It isn't like Vakama, where it's easy to see and connect with. Where we know Vakama's anxiety very easily, Matau's is pretty masked, and I think it's meant to be like that because for Matau, acknowledging his own anxiety, or his feeling like he can't live up to the expectation he set yp for himself, is something he can't and probably doesn't want to do. It's a lot like a feeling of, "If I something right now or if I fall apart now, I won't be able to put myself back together again." I don't think it's that extreme in Matau's case, but I imagine it close to be

And that's been my TED talk on Matau. Sorry if some bits don't make sense. I'm beginning to realize I have something in common with Matau and I don't know how I feel about it😅

[hells-greatestdad]

// in all honesty, I really am tired of my brain being the most dramatic bitch and that leaking out to every area of my life. Especially when I'm clearly the only one who is freaking out to the degree that I am.

It's to the point that I think I will request to go back on my psyche meds, or to try different anxiety meds... I can't live like this. (Had stopped cuz bad insurance + I was feeling better until like 3 months ago, so I figured if no symptoms after 6+ months off meds, why go back on them.)

[echosandroses]

I feel like I’m always playing “catch-up” in my own life 

[billdenbrough]

just got into my very first car accident and i feel sick

(objectively low stakes, everyone is fine, we were in a car park and both vehicles are still totally functional, it’s superficial damage (probably panel beating needed tho), but it’s the very first one i’ve ever been in and i’m so freaked out lol)

[catastrxblues]

i just can’t seem to take anything seriously anymore? why is my future in my hands like what did i do to deserve it what if i don’t know what to do with it what if i don’t really care about it anymore what if i don’t even want to think about it anymore

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

This house is so fucking gloomy and depressing. All the time. It’s oppressive. Religious doctrine looms over it like a vengeful spirit exacting punishment on an innocent family who recently moved in; except, we’ve been like this since before I was born.

[icelogged]

*2015 voice* i wish i had the chillness instead i got the mental illness

[brokend0ll]

people forget i am not only a bit depressed and have anxiety i have psychosis and literal delusions and my grip on reality is quiet unstable, plus probably bpd which just makes me seem like the worst person alive a lot of the times and also makes me feel like that when i say i am crazy, i mean that