#possible past traumas?
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benevolenterrancy · 1 month ago
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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)
#svsss#bingqiu#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#lbh#sqq#i've been working through the series of unfortunate events and somehow that series has paired really nicely with svsss#the themes of cycling violence and what's justified and what isn't and what can possibly be done differently#and how trying to bring love and honour into the midst of it really changes nothing but also changes everything#it's just *chef's kiss*#i don't know how i can quite do my thoughts justice but i've spent the past few weeks quietly going between the two series (and mdzs and tg#as well if we're being honest they all hit similar questions and themes) and just reveling in the pain and ambiguity of it#everything is interconnected and it means you can never know what trauma and pain and necessity has shaped a person#each story goes too far back to ever ever EVER possibly see the full extent of it#at that level even communication itself is nearly impossible.#and because of that it's almost impossible to change anything. beat yourself apart and the outcome is the same#and yet ATTEMPTING to change things ATTEMPTING to do the kind thing the honourable thing is absolutely critical#because while you can change nothing you also have the capacity to change EVERYTHING#aaaaaaah i don't even know what i'm saying#but i read the beatrice letters today and the love letter just. killed me.#(obviously i cherrypicked some lines because it's three pages long but those ones felt right)#''i love you like a corpse loves a vulture's beak'' i just. can't get over that line.#to be completely changed. altered. destroyed. redeemed. purified. desecrated. reduced to nothing yet entirely necessary for another's life.#what a FUCKING line#anyway i was either going to blow up from thinking about it or else i had to exorcise it via art from an entirely different series#i've already done svsss and discworld why not throw a series of unfortunate events into the mix#i'll be honest folks i did not expect svsss to be the mxtx series that would fuck me up the most about the main ship#bingqiu is something else. i don't even know how to begin to approach my feelings on it. impossibility and necessity all at once#bizarre#my art
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deservedgrace · 1 year ago
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i was thinking about the sleep deprivation thing that cults do and something i completely forgot about with regards to that conversation is that the sleep needs of children/teens are different to adults. it's a range as most things are, but when it comes to sleep you HAVE to go based off the biggest number to ensure everyone gets proper sleep because you cannot function properly without proper sleep
so, if you were a teenager who went to church camps and they allowed for less than 10 hours of sleep, or if you were a kid (6-12) and they allowed for less than 12 hours of sleep, you very well may have been sleep deprived, either intentionally or unintentionally
and as a little bonus: adults tend to respond to sleep deprivation with tiredness, but kids tend to respond with hyperactivity, and even one night of sleep deprivation can affect someone
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lunarharp · 9 months ago
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:')
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etoilesombre · 6 months ago
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So I just watched the new Helluva episode (the Specter Diddlers)
Most of the "fuck" humor just made me roll my eyes at worst, and I could sit through it at best. The focus on Millie was the sole reason I decided to check it out and I loved that she got to be badass and have new lore to her. Her and Blitz had notable chemistry (platonically speaking, though I've seen some people start considering the ship after this). I don't think I could add anything new to the already existing discussion, but I'll just say this:
Ronaldo's existence is... incredibly confusing. What kind of demon is he? How did he get to Earth? Sinner overlords are the ones that can be insanely powerful, see also: Alastor, but even he is confined to Hell. Succubi and some imps (like Barbie) can be registered as working on Earth, but they don't seem to have any special powers outside of seduction in the former's case. Aquatic hellborn demons exist, like Crimson's mafia or Glitz and Glam, but they also don't have powers. Let alone ones this showy. I mean, the one other time we've seen demonic possession was in Truth Seekers (iirc) done by Stolas, who is a Goetia, which this dude also isn't... so what is he and what was he doing up top?
(Though since he was also killed at the end, he had to have been a hellborn, as sinners can only die from angelic weapons...)
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palossssssand · 1 year ago
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Reconciliation
Old dome squadmates Trito and Kinoga get together at Trito’s place to catch up after years apart and a meeting by chance on the surface.
⚠️Warning for suggestive content below + implied chest trauma
After several weeks of chipping away at this, the comic is finally done! Very happy to have rendered a full 7 pages of oc stuff. Please give it a read!!
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read the full 7 page comic on twitter! <-please do not click if you are a minor and view at your own discretion, this link contains explicit 18+ content. Thank you!
For the lore, includes stuff from splatoon Octo Expansion: Trito and Kinoga were a part of an octarian military squad living in the domes, Kinoga being their squad leader that many looked up to and admired. There were 6 of them who considered each other to be their closest friends. Upon hearing about the tests from Kamabo Co. and the allure of the Promised Land, Kinoga wished to seek it out in order to find a better life for their squadmates. A difficult decision, since it meant leaving them all behind, promising to come back and take them there.
Kinoga enters the metro trials and soon realizes that the Promised Land isn’t what they expected, their hope crumbling when they encounter one of their sanitized squadmates Agara, who followed suit to the metros soon after. Kinoga narrowly escapes, eventually making a break for the surface, carrying the shame of unwilling to return for their squadmates with them (it’s justified, of course, there might not be an easy way in, they might get caught again, Agara is gone)
Trito enters the Metro not too long after Kinoga does, wanting to catch up to them, and an accident that occurs in a test early on results in Trito’s near sanitization, giving him his scar. Terrified, and realizing what happens to his fellow octolings, Trito is unable to return to his squadmates, not wanting to break the news of their loved ones’ untimely fates. He hides away on the Metro until the events of OE happen and Agent 8 dismantles Kamabo, opening an opportunity to escape to the surface. Unwilling to face the possibilities of going back, Trito takes his chance to leave, starting a new life and feeling that it’s for the best if he doesn’t acknowledge it, though he missed his friends dearly.
Years later, Trito and Kinoga run into each other on the streets of Splatsville by chance, and the implications of them both being on the surface and alive hit them, having to carry the burden of leaving their loved ones behind and finding out the truth, knowing the other felt exactly the same, not knowing the fate of their squadmates and not wanting to think about the possibility of them being gone. They have a tearful reunion about it, and set up a meet later, to sit down and really talk, and get into a brief argument when the topic of returning to the domes comes up. Trito’s in disbelief that Kinoga never went back down to check on the rest of their squad, wanting them to have been a better person than him, who was too cowardly to do so. Eventually they do reconcile, and end up at Trito’s place to hook up, where the above comic takes place :]
#my art#my ocs#splatoon#suggestive#trito#kinoga#aaahhhhhh this is finally done!!!!#a small drabble turned into a sketch turned into a full fledged rendered comic. blowing up#in any case I hope people enjoy this as much as I do…they are so everything to me#splatoon ocs#I have so many thoughts about these two that I could not articulate in a tumblr post. they miss each other so so much#its about the. I’ve known your body. and coming back after years and going oh…this is new…#there’s no context where trito would be able to reveal this to kinoga except for boning#only kinoga could look at it and immediately understand. sparing him the pain of explaining what happened and reliving it#if it had been anyone else he probably would have stopped them the moment the hand went under the sweater#but he’s just so so caught in the moment of the reunion. and the everything . Auughhhh#stealing this from a friend but theyve changed and they haven’t changed at all. I’m going to be ill#chest trauma#‘what if they explored each others bodies’ or whatever. okay#if it wasnt clear enough or implied trito and kimoga are octolings from the underground domes#nsft#oh and the. really long lore explanation <33 teehee#they are so so much#not partners but more than friends. secret third thing. guh#its about holding each other so tightly and physically for confirmation that they weren’t seeing things and that the other was Really There#like the fate of their friends not on their mind constantly and then it all comes flooding back and all of a sudden it opens the door#for finding the others and now they won’t have to go back and face the possibility alone#IM GOING TO BE SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!#this has got to be the most ive rambled in the tags I’ve just been rotatinf them with fado for the past barely a month and they are#tritonoga
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fellhellion · 2 years ago
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Something something both A and N engage in self alienation (from one's nature/past) to cope with trauma
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la-muerta · 4 months ago
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More stills of 肖顺尧 Xiao Shunyao as police detective Zhao Shang from "她和她的他们 The Neighbors"; with the murder victim Zhou Yunqi, suspect Dong-ge, and his police force partner/subordinate Cui Shanhe
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you 👏 dont 👏 get 👏 a 👏 say 👏
leave. goodbye. kindly fuck off 🙃🙃
she has a step father that raised her more than you did, ask him shawn
ask her mom
don't ask anyone, it's 2012 ask her yourself, ask her close friends, ask her family she sees at christmas
i despise this man. he's literally still conning people why do we like him?
"the biggest con of all was on your own daughter"
"i was never embarrassed, just disappointed" no girlfriend you were embarrassed. 30 minutes ago you told shawn not to go looking for him bc he "isn't very presentable"
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artfulbok · 2 months ago
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WHUMPTOBER No. 2: TRUST ISSUES
Amusement Park | Role Reversal | “You got away with the crime while the knife's in my back.” (Charlotte Sands, Rollercoaster)
The glass shatters at Hunter’s feet. He stares down at the shards of glass, horrified, then turns to Camila, already apologizing profusely. He kneels, baring his neck for his punishment, and falls silent. It’s her decision now, and he knows what everyone always chooses.
“Oh, no, baby. Stand up, I’m not going to hurt you, it was an accident. You’re safe here, remember?”
He stares warily at her outstretched hand.
She’s said it before, so, so many times, but he never quite believes her. Everyone has a limit. And once he reaches hers…
He knows, painfully well, what will happen.
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nicistrying · 9 months ago
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I had a pleasant, dare I say almost fun time seeing my dad today and suddenly feel like I was just making up all the shit he's done lol
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please-picturemeintheweeds · 10 months ago
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Re: the end of your Joever/renegade post, it’s almost like wondering at what point does the “rough patch” cease to be a rough patch and just how the person *is*. As in, this is just how they choose to exist or are most comfortable living as a person.
(Not villainizing him at all, it’s just alluding to what you and others said… at some point it stops being a single issue or issues to fix and starts revealing itself to just be fundamental differences in compatibility and outlook.)
Just got this and I know it was sent pre-TTPD tracklist, but yeah!! Like it makes so much sense to me that a relationship would take over a year to go from Renegade to YLM and then another year to reach breaking up for good. That honestly feels like the most normal progression in the world, and I’m sooo interested to hear how she describes this experience and gives voice to something that I think a lot of people have been through.
I’ve talked about it on here before but my current relationship is 6 years old, and Renegade literally sparked some very VERY serious conversations for us when it came out because it gave voice to things we were dealing with and we were able to address using the language she offered us in the song. That was a definite “rough patch.” We nearly broke up, and had a real epiphany about things that we both needed to change in order to continue, and the types of support we both needed in order to stay safe and healthy. I felt so seen by Renegade and then in midnights as well- labyrinth and The Great War come to mind - the decision to stick it out. When I heard about joever it hit me (and others, from what I’ve heard!) suuuuper hard because it was like wait. Whatever measures they took after Renegade and the Great War actually didn’t fix it; what does that mean for me!? I was soo shaken up because of how strongly I related to the struggle (as it was portrayed to us). But that gets to the point of this ask: the difference between a rough patch and something un-fixable. I’m certain this will come up on TTPD, and it’ll be a deep portal time travel exploration of how she came to that exact conclusion. I can’t wait.
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billpottsismygf · 2 months ago
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#psyching myself up to try and watch the new series of heartstopper#I don't make a lot of personal posts these days and it feels easier to talk about this in the tags for some reason now - like I'm whisperin#but series 2 absolutely wrecked me in a way that is not entirely healthy#isaac's storyline is just a bit too close to home for me and I became a bawling mess every single time he was on screen#and not in a cathartic way. in a like I am dredging up the trauma of growing up aroace without having fully come to terms with it yet way.#I've come such a long way with slowly starting to feel pride in being aroace even in just the last few months#that I wondered if I'd actually be fine with it this time. I even considered rewatching s2 in preparation. turns out I'm not fine.#I watched a recap of s2 to try and remember what happened and uhhhh that clip of isaac rejecting that love interest in the bookshop#(with the novel loveless blurry in the background) has already brought up emotions.#then I thought I'd scroll some spoilers in his character tag just to prepare myself for what would happen with him this season#and just reading posts (mild spoilers here) about him being proudly aroace have sent me into paroxysms of sobbing yet again so....#I've honestly come such a long way in the last few years and the last few months. I'm even talking about it on tumblr now.#but I guess most of my work on that front has been accepting the present and the future of not having or wanting a partner.#whereas there's still a lifetime of trauma from the way it made me feel in the past#both growing up feeling alienated and having no idea what was different about me and the extent to which I tried to make it not be true#for years after first having an inkling of it being a possibility. I would have done anything to make myself alloromantic.#(the realisation of asexuality came later and was more of a 'huh I guess that makes sense' thing lol)#and even though I no longer want to change this fact about who I am#I guess I'm more traumatised by it all than I consciously realised. genuinely thought I'd be fine at this point.#anyway ramble over. I'm actually not sure if I should watch the new season or not. will it be helpful to work through the emotions?#or just re-traumatise me? felt more like the latter last time so hmmm.#guess I'm going to have to think about it.#it feels ridiculous that such a fluffy show - in which the character in question is pretty minor - should provoke such a reaction#but there you go#mine#tag chat#personal
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darth-sonny · 2 years ago
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How would Krang prime react to see two Leo’s? ( your au and canon)
hhoooooo boy....
distrubingly and creepily excited. they'd never seen how show Leo used to act in person (all they have to go on is Leo's memories), so the thought of seeing how their Host used to act pre-movie is very exhilarating
Leo, on the other hand, the second he finds out he's in the past and is going to have to interact with his (incredably less traumatized, innocent, and holy fuck he's 14, he's a BABY) younger self and how......excited Prime is at that concept, immediatly does a 180 and runs the fuck away
and since i'm pretty sure this is all possible through time travel, post-Prime Leo's reasoning for running away is 30% "i-can't-handle-seeing-my-family-from-the-past-and-having-to-explain-to-them-what-happened-to-me" and 70% "i-am-going-to-protect-the-shit-out-of-my-past-self". because even though he knows that show Leo is going to go through the worst trauma imaginable in two to three years time, the least he can do is keep him safe and prolong his innocence and childhood as much as he can
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grison-in-space · 1 year ago
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also I am grudgingly having to admit that it is at this point just fucking easier to use she and they interchangeably as far as pronouns go, based on the reactions I get when I don't bother to specify and then people flutter around and worry about it.
goddammit I'm going to have to actually interrogate my public identity label set. I hate that. hate having to figure out how to position myself formally in Discourse but I mean, if I'm gonna work in sex differences--currently a big part of my work--that kind of does need to be something I think about. augh.
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not-poignant · 1 year ago
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@letsoulswander replied to your post “i'm listening to the sdv soundtrack right now and...”:
One of the things I really liked about Wind is that a few of the prominent emotional moments landed on in-game cut scenes for the characters. It helped my mind click them together into one story, instead of rejecting free-play video game story plot.
​That's fair! It was easier to link Elliott and Alex in that sense because Alex spends all his time on the beach in summer, and Elliott lives there. And it was a much shorter story so I was using much more 'obvious' in-game links (especially since I jettisoned all the gameplay elements).
Stain is a lot longer and I feel like I'm not locked into forced cut scene-type moments. Maybe it's just that I've seen that scene like 15 times now and written a version of it that it's not that I'm burnt out on it so much as like... Alex hasn't been using it in the story so far, he's been thinking about his mom a fair bit, and she's not an entirely positive memory since he lost his grandparents (since he's been reflecting a lot more on how difficult his upbringing was in a different way to Wind, which frankly didn't really address anything in depth in some ways on that front aside from a handful of memories).
For me because Stain is a deeper story, I can go a lot deeper and I don't need to rely on the music box to do it. I can understand if other people need that! It'll just mean my story's not for them if I don't include the scene. However if, on the other hand, they've gotten 20+ chapters in and they like the story, they probably don't need that scene either. :D
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