#portuguese composition and conversation

[gryphonlover]

A general school update so that I don't forget what's been happening.

This week I have skipped more lectures than I have in my entire life. I literally went to class with a broken tailbone in community college.

Elementary Cabo Verdean Creole 2 is going to be offered in the spring by a different professor, but it's still not in the student portal yet.

My Portuguese seminar is also still not in the student portal yet.

I got a D- on my second Philosophy of Mind exam.

My Portuguese Composition and Conversation professor had me do an exercise using ChatGPT and I think I lost 50% of my will to live from that alone.

2 of my meetings about graduate school applications have been cancelled. I am barely making any progress on my own.

I have overdue work because I didn't submit assignments last week and haven't started this week's work either.

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Going to be honest, adjusting to a normal school schedule is harder than I thought it would be. My brain is still half in summer mode. I'm like, half-awake typing this out because I went to bed too late last night and just got up. Eugh.

It's mostly going okay, I've only messed up in Portuguese composition and conversation so far. I'm blaming the fact that it's exclusively conducted in Portuguese.

I recently added a new addition to the pot-garden in the living room. There was this clove of garlic trying to grow in the fridge, so I put it in a pot with soil and I think it's doing okay? We'll see what happens.

One of my roommates noticed that I've been having a hard time getting used to having so many people in our apartment, and spent all day yesterday making me dinosaur bones with the 3D printer to cheer me up. I now have a T. rex skull on my desk.

That is SO sweet of your roommate awwww ❤️❤️❤️

it can be a bit of an adjustment at the start of the semester, hopefully you can get back into the swing of it soon!

curious to see if the garlic survives! 👀

[jcmarchi]

A musical life: Carlos Prieto ’59 in conversation and concert

New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/a-musical-life-carlos-prieto-59-in-conversation-and-concert/

A musical life: Carlos Prieto ’59 in conversation and concert

World-renowned cellist Carlos Prieto ’59 returned to campus for an event to perform and to discuss his new memoir, “Mi Vida Musical.”

At the April 9 event in the Samberg Conference Center, Prieto spoke about his formative years at MIT and his subsequent career as a professional cellist. The talk was followed by performances of J.S. Bach’s “Cello Suite No. 3” and Eugenio “Toussaint’s Bachriation.” Valerie Chen, a 2022 Sudler Prize winner and Emerson/Harris Fellow, also performed Phillip Glass’s “Orbit.”

Prieto was born in Mexico City and began studying the cello when he was 4. He graduated from MIT with BS degrees in 1959 in Course 3, then called the Metallurgical Engineering and today Materials Science and Engineering, and in Course 14 (Economics). He was the first cello and soloist of the MIT Symphony Orchestra. While at MIT, he took all available courses in Russian, which allowed him, years later, to study at Lomonosov University in Moscow.

After graduation from MIT, Prieto returned to Mexico, where he rose to become the head of an integrated iron and steel company.

“When I returned to Mexico, I was very active in my business life, but I was also very active in my music life,” he told the audience. “And at one moment, the music overcame all the other activities and I left my business activities to devote all my time to the cello and I’ve been doing this for the past 50 years.”

During his musical career, Prieto played all over the world and has played and recorded the world premieres of 115 compositions, most of which were written for him. He is the author of 14 books, some of which have been translated into English, Russian, and Portuguese.

Prieto’s honors include the Order of the Arts and Letters from France, the Order of Civil Merit from the King of Spain, and the National Prize for Arts and Sciences from the president of Mexico. In 1993 he was appointed member of the MIT Music and Theater Advisory Committee. In 2014, the School of Humanities, Arts, and Social Sciences awarded Prieto the Robert A. Muh Alumni Award.

[willianghostwriter]

Elio's Awakening (Call Me By Your Name fanfic)

I wrote this one last year in a way to celabrate the 5th anniversary of Call Me By Your Name movie. (Here's the original in Portuguese)

Number of words: 12.813

Main caracter: Elio Pearlman

Hope you enjoy it!

Would I get over it? Would I be able to move on? 

 After that call, I was feeling everything at the same time, as a six-week movie was rolling in my head. I wasn’t sad, but I wasn’t happy either, although I was feeling alive, my head was full, and I was feeling a little stunned. 

 My parents were setting up the table for dinner and I didn’t want to say anything, I couldn’t. 

 I was flipping a coin that was at the table, betting: If he still loves me... heads... yes... tails... no... It flipped heads... yeah... What difference would it make. He was not there anymore. I didn’t know when or if I would see him again. 

 I sat in the front of the fireplace to heat up from the melancholic cold I was feeling. I just could think of him. Elio, Elio, Elio... Oliver, Oliver, Oliver. 

 My mom called me to the table. I woke up from the trance I was in. 

 — How is Oliver, mon amour? — My mom asked politely. 

 — He’s fine! Did you know that he’s getting married next spring? — I couldn’t hide the bitterness in my voice. 

 — Yes. And he sounded very happy with that. — My father said harshly, as he was putting an end to the conversation. 

 We were still serving ourselves. 

 My mother gave a glimpse at my father trying to say: “Don’t be so hard on him”. 

 He looked back at me softly. 

 — Are you wistful to go back to school? — My mother asked, being trite. 

 — Whatever. NYU it’s what matters to me now. 

 — We were very excited about your letter. — My father said, satisfied, stretching his hand trying to reach my hand to stroke. He looked at me with pride. 

 Winter’s holiday otherwise from summer’s, went through slowly, as I could feel each day passing, each hour. Always thinking of him, in his witty eyes, even though youthful, his impeccable blonde hair combed at the right side, his face lines beautifully draw, fine and classic, in the way he would use his shirt leaving two or three buttons free, so one could see his thin, but fit chest, to complete the whole movie star look that would glimpse the attention of anyone that could be on the same room with him. Everyone just waiting for his “later”, when he would be leaving. 

 I’ve spent most of the time playing and transcribing music, doing the only thing that could not make me think of Oliver. At every note that I would play in my piano; I would go deeper in my dreams. 

 I was always trying to think about NYU and how amazing it would be to share my experiences with other colleagues that perhaps may would be better than me, but in a way that I could get better at my compositions.  

 I was feeling apathetic when school returned. I wanted all of this to end soon, so I could get out of there fast. It seemed to me that every corner of that city, where I would look at or pass through, would remind me of him. 

 Although, my friends were cool. It is funny how each one of them could bring something different to the group: Francesco was funny, he could seem stupid sometimes, but he could be the best at writing as any other from our class; Paolo was the most charismatic from all of was, always knowing what to say and was the best at sports; Luisa had an unique sense of style, but still dressing with the most refine fashion, and even if she looked cold, she was the one that always knew something was wrong with anyone; Luigi and I were the closest, we were always together at everything we were doing. He didn’t have a very strong personality, always trying to reach me at piano, listening what I was recommending, reading what I was reading, but he was a great friend with a heart of gold.   

 None of them could even imagine what I lived in the last summer, because we didn’t pass it together and after we came back from the holidays, I didn’t talk much about it.  

  They didn’t care much at the beginning, but they were suspicious. Occasionally they would ask me about it, but I’d always dodge it, trying to change the conversation.  

 They started to look concerned and curious with what happened then. 

 At the winter we ended up only talking by phone, but they couldn’t get much more out of me. When they would ask me how the summer went, I would answer: 

 — It was good. — Trying to be short with the answers. 

 — The guest of the summer? Hum, as usual. — Hiding the true words, I would use to describe Oliver. 

 — If I hooked up with anyone? — Yes, with person that I loved the most in my life. — No, I just spent time with Marzia, Chiara, Cousins and some friends that came to visit us. 

 I didn’t know if they would understand everything that happened with me that summer. The desire, the shame, the doubt, the discovery... 

 That was a very special summer, a summer that I felt things I’ve never felt before. Maybe I still didn’t have the right words to describe it. Maybe I still wasn’t brave enough to share with everyone what happened in that summer. My dad and my mom knew what they saw with their own eyes, but I just could share a fraction of what I felt, with my father. I still couldn’t speak about all I’ve felt and I'm still feeling. 

  The second week of school was coming in and I was more observing and listening than talking and I was always being dragged around the school by my friends.  

 I was feeling the cunning looks by the eyes of Luisa that she was ready to tear me down and make me say everything that was going on inside my head. I was always humble with the words, but still always had something to say when the time was right. 

 Luisa never had to question me about what I was feeling because I’d always knew the right moment to tell her anything. But in that moment, all I wanted was to be alone, isolated, wondering, remembering of the moments that I was with Oliver, just simply not confess that I was suffering, that my head was going round and round, and it would always land at the same place. 

 — Are you going to spill it out or I’m going to have to start interrogating you? — Luisa caught me alone after school while I was going down to the direction of the nearest gelateria. 

 — I don’t know what are you talking about? — I tried to get myself together, pretending that I wasn’t caught with my guard down by someone that could read emotions through Praxiteles sculptors. 

 — You’ve been quiet, apathetic since last summer. — She looked at me condescending. Obviously, she couldn’t know what happened to me last summer, but she knew that I was not right. 

 — Your impression. — I smirked at her trying to pass the impression that I was okay. 

 — Luigi won’t say anything, but it’s apparently that he misses you. Don’t you? — That hurt me, but Luigi was the least person I needed now. So, I stood quiet and kept walking. 

 — Why don’t you want to tell? — She asked me as if she knew everything. 

 — I have nothing to tell. — What was true, but still was the greatest lie I ever told Luisa. 

 — Something happened in that summer, Elio. I will still find out what it was, you like it or not. — So, there she goes with her hands in her overcoat pocket, with a light speed walk and her cold air, but looking implacably on fashion. 

 On that week it seemed that my friends were getting tired of me, of my apathy, of my torturous silence. They didn’t say anything, just simply pulled away. Looking at me suspiciously and annoyed. Maybe hoping that way I would get closer to them again, to tell everything what was going on in my head and return to be myself again. 

 I didn’t care. Nothing else could beat me. I just thought: “Soon, this is over. We are not going to see each other again and everything would be different.” 

 On Friday, a new boy got in our French class. I glimpsed him, but nothing came to my attention.  

 “Con il respiro di um drago” the teacher sent the boy to seat by my side. 

 He came walking with an impeccable posture. He had a messy hair, but in a way that looked cool, wearing light jeans, a thin black sweater with a plaid green overcoat thrown over his shoulder and carrying his school bag on his hands. 

 — Piacere di conoscerti, mi chiamo Viktor. — He stretched out his hand for a shake. 

 — Le plaisir est pour moi. —  I said to him, rolling my eyes and turning my face the other way. 

 When I looked back, Viktor was smiling and with an interested look in his eyes. 

 — Something wrong? — I asked him defensively. 

 — Rien. — He answered it back with a smirk, with a mysterious and satisfied look, hanging his overcoat in the backrest and setting his supplies on the table. 

 Something in that look, intrigued me. 

 When I was going home that day, Luigi reached me. 

 — Do you already have a partner for the French essay? — He asked casually, as if we weren’t talking for the last two weeks. 

 —Yes. — I didn’t mean to sound so arid, but I wanted to end that conversation soon as possible. 

 — Who? — He asked immediately. Blushing at the same time. 

 — Viktor, the new boy. — I answer it without looking at him. 

 — Hum.... He looks cool. 

 — I don’t know... there’s something about him... 

 — You don’t like him? 

 — I do... it’s just that... ã... — I don’t know why I gaged to answer — I don’t know yet. 

 — Well, you’re going to have two months to find out. The essay is going to take the rest of the winter to get done. — I didn’t know that. I still wanted to be alone, just with my own thoughts. I wasn’t paying too much attention to the classes. 

 — Great. — I said ironically but trying to put an end in that conversation. 

 Luigi stared at me for a while, looking like he wanted to say something. 

 — So, we see each other at school. — I said, giving him a smirk to seem like everything was fine and not to seem so rude. 

 — See you around. — Luigi gave me a shy nod, standing still, there for a couple of minutes, staring at me, until he came back to his senses and continue his way home. 

 On the next Friday, at the French class, while everyone was coming in, I went sitting next to the window at the back of the classroom. My friends generally used to sit on the first tables in the front row. They looked at me from there while they’d talk to each other, probably wondering if something was wrong. 

 Paolo came to my direction. 

 — What’s going on, Elio? — He asked me point-blank. He was looking upset. 

 — You must tell me. I'm the one who was push away and must deal with ten-year-old kids. — I said sarcastically, but with a straight face, defying his ton. 

 He starred at me, looked me in the eyes and said: 

 — You are not fine. We’re friend for like what? Our whole life? We’re not the closest to each other, but I know you. You’re different. You’ve changed since you’ve met someone last summer. 

 How could I tell I've fallen in love with a man. A man I desired more than any other I’ve ever desired in my whole life, a desire that would make ice burn in fire. It was not a regular thing for a teenager. I could not tell. I’d rather ghost in my friend’s life rather than leave this awkwardness among us. I didn’t know how to tell the truth to everyone. So, I just said: 

 — I just want to be alone. That’s it. — The mood got cold as the winter that was hanging over the continent. 

 — Bene allora! — He said hardly, as if he was saying good-bye. 

 At the same moment, Viktor came getting ready to seat by my side. He looked at Paolo excusably and glimpsed at me wondering: “What’s up with this boy?”. Paolo gave a quick look at Viktor, then at me, as he was concluding. 

 — Very much alone. — He said to me, with a disappointment in his eyes, turning around and going back to our friends. 

 — Is everything okay? — Viktor asked, worried. 

 — Yes, it is. There was just a misunderstanding. — I answered without looking at him. 

 — Bene! I’ve realized that your French is very good. Have you ever lived there? — He gave me an interested look, but casual. 

 — Oui, J'ai de la famille en France et je veux y vivre un jour. — I didn’t know if he has understood, but I wanted to impress him. 

 — You don’t need to brag. — He said with a funny look in his face and a smile in his mouth. — I speak a little too. Perhaps I will live there one day, who knows? — Have I humiliated him? 

 — Did you get it? 

 — I did, everything you said. I’m just not fluent. — He said, trying not to be so humble. 

 — Can I let you make the whole French essay, then? — I said to him, trying to make things better. 

 He smiles at me and looks like he’s having some fun out of it. 

 — Only if you promise me to show around. — Was he flirting? 

 — Avec plaisir. — Was I flirting back? 

  We passed the whole school break talking. 

 — Where are you from? — I asked him while I was observing his face. He had fine face lines just as Oliver’s. Blue eyes. Thin lips. Maybe if he’d combed his hair to the side, he could look decent.   

 — I’m from here. Milan, I mean. But I moved to Russia when I was ten. Moscow, the third Rome. My family is from there. — The Russian boy. He wasn’t well articulated, not as Oliver was, but he was insightful. 

 — What about you? Are you from here too? — He put his hands on his overcoat’s pocket when he did this question. The shy boy. 

 — I was born in Cambridge, Massachusetts, near Boston. My father did college and worked for some years there. My maternal grandparents were Italians and I have uncles and cousins from France. An atypical combination. — I smiled. It was what I said to Oliver on our first conversation. But the shy boy and I had something in common: Both of us were born and raised in different places. 

 — What do you like to do around here? — He asked me. I was starting to like this boy. 

 —In the winter there’s not much to do, but I have an interest in music. So, I pass most of the time playing the piano, transcribing music, reading books and going to the only cinema around, in Pandino, with my friends. When it’s exhibiting something worthwhile, at least. — I smiled remembering the moments of fun between me and my friends we had before last summer. I glimpse at them gathered around and hanging like we always used to do in the breaks. — I can take you there, someday. 

 — It would be nice. — He suddenly got closer and fix the collar of my shirt. 

 — You have a nice look for a Russian. Where did you learn how to dress? — Giving a second look, he really seemed very stylish and good looking. 

 — Oh, Moscow is a huge city, so I met many people with diverse interests there. But I didn’t care much about fashion until I met Maxim. He’s the most genius person I’ve ever met in my whole life. He introduced me to the biggest stylists in the world and how fashion can be a way of expression and art. — He sounded proud while he was speaking. — But most of my references comes from the fashion magazines. Mainly the French ones. And I also... 

 — They are facing us right now. — I grabbed Viktor’s arm and turned us backside. 

 — Who? — He looked into my eyes and then to my hand in his arm. I let go immediately. 

 — Paolo, Luisa, Francesco and Luigi were facing us. I think it’s better we should go that way. — Then we went slowly strolling, as we were not being observed, into the direction of the gym.  

 — What is the best activity to do around here? — Viktor suddenly asks. 

 — I go to the arts club. But they aren’t much. It’s a little cheap to be honest. — Viktor went through the activity board looking for something. 

 — Hum... they could have a fashion designing club, around here. I bet I’d be the only boy in the club, anyway. — We look to each other and laughed. — Arts club, better not. What do you suggest then? — He turned to me, looking for help. 

 I wasn’t paying much attention. I was watching the boys in the gym playing some volleyball match. I remembered of Oliver and his naked large shoulders, sweat from the sun, fast in the volleyball square at the back of my family’s summer house. At that time, I was still denying any good feelings about him. I was grumpy for the way he charmed everyone already in the first week, when, deep inside it was budding a desire.  

 — What about the sports club? — I’ve said turning around to look at his big wild blue eyes with a large smile in my face. 

 — Are you sure? I don’t know if sports are my forte. — He wonders for a minute, considering the option. 

 — Well, you’ve got the physical for this, at least. — He was tall and slim and had a good body, thinking about it. — And is always good to combine some physical activity to help to improve some others cognitive abilities. — It wouldn’t be so bad to see that boy, shirtless, sweaty and showing off to everyone. 

 —Yeah, maybe you’re right. I used to play football back where I lived in Milan. It’s settled, then! — He opened a bright and shiny smile, what remind me of Oliver, then put his name on the list. 

 — Do you practice any sports? — He asks me while I was admiring his thin and pinkish lips. 

 — What? what?... Oh!... not regularly. I’ve been spending more time playing my piano than playing in the fields. But I like to swim and enjoy the water in the summer. — I blushed a little, hoping he didn’t notice I was staring at him. 

 — You should put your name on it, too. That way we could both get out after the match and know the city better. — He smirked, putting his hands in his overcoat’s pocket, trying to disguise the shyness. — Anyway, is always good to combine some physical activity to help to improve some others cognitive abilities. — We looked to each other and laughed.  

 He realized I was reluctant to put my name on the list, so he grabs my hand very gently, positioned in the board and write it down.  

 I blushed, but I smiled. We exchanged a significant look for a moment.  

 — It’s settled, then! — After he release my hand, I take my fingers to his mouth and gently rubs his lips.  I didn’t know what I was doing. I tried to disguise and make it appear that I was wiping his mouth. Luckly, no one around noticed.  But he seemed to like it. 

 The bell rings.  

 — I’ll take you to my secret spot, after class. — I haven’t gone to Fontanile since that day with Oliver. 

 The weather was nice for a winter, so I thought it would be a good idea for us to go with bike there. We went to my family’s apartment, my parents weren’t home, so I went straight to the basement to grab my bike and my old dad’s bike. 

 — Is it off town? — He seemed excited. 

 — One hour by bike. — I looked over my shoulder to see his reaction. — But it’s worthwhile, you can bet on it. — He was astonished with a large smile on his face. 

 I had already put my bike out of the deep of the basement, because it’s more used, but my dad’s bike was trapped in some Anchise’s old tools. Viktor came to try to help to pull it out and when it let go, I ended up falling above him. I didn’t knock him down, but I was face to face with him. We stared each other eyes for a moment and an impulse to kiss him, right there, emerged. I hold myself together for a second, dodging at the same moment when he went for a kiss. I was completely embarrassed, but that situation made it more excited to go back to Fontanile. 

 When we got there, nothing’s had changed. I was hypnotized, admiring the whole place for some minutes. The tree at Monet’s berm where Oliver and I gave our first kiss, the river with the freezing water (according to Oliver). 

 Although many flees were missing the old branches tree and the shallow river was with a truly freezing water, I still could feel myself at that warm day in that summer. I closed my eyes, and I could smell the sweet fragrance of the verdure, the crickets singing and the desire to be close to him. I must’ve looked like a fool, standing still with my eyes closed for so long that Viktor said: 

 — It must be a long time you don’t come here. — I woke up from my memories and looked at him. He was with his pants hem folded until almost to the kneels, his overcoat was folded carefully above his backpack, and he seemed happy there, staring at me with a with a lustful, grateful look in his eyes at the same time. He would do the unthinkable. He would enter the water. 

 — It really does six months since I’ve been here. But I feel like it was yesterday the last time. — I was approaching where Viktor was, at the ground stair that leads to the river, so I could stop him from going in. — Perhaps the water is too freezing for you to going in, don’t you think? — I’ve reached beside him and tried to appear like I knew what I was talking about. 

 — Well, maybe it is, but we will find out only if I get in. — And by saying that, he jumped into the river, with a large smile on his face and holding his hem. At the exact moment his feet were under the water, he came back jumping with a leg and another and lowing screaming until he reached the ground stairs again. 

 — Oh,oh,oh,oh,oh,oh,oh,oh,oh,oh.... 

 I was laughing, no, bursting into laughing, so hard that even for a moment I forgot where I was. He stood in front of me with a malicious face. Suddenly, he starts to throw water from the river at me. Yeah, the water was really freezing. 

 — Ok, ok... I’m not laughing anymore. But you must assume that the water is truly freezing. — He stood, out of nowhere, rest his face and did the unpredictable: He let himself fall into the water, the whole body. I stood there with no reaction, although astonished. For a second, I had the impulse of jumping into that river with him. 

 He left out of the water shaking till the bones.  

 — I said the water was too cold. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. — I was giving a hand to help him get out of the river. Anyway, Viktor was still with a satisfied face. 

 — The better experience there is, my man. — We looked to each other with a smirk. He got out of the river, but he was still shaking to the bone. His lips were purple. I took his overcoat and took him the further away from the river possible, fearing he would try another dive into it. 

 — You said you had come from Russia and not from a mental house. — We sit upon the hill, near the tree. I covered him with his overcoat to try to warm him and was squeezing his hands, but everything seemed effortless. 

 — I’m freezing to my core soul, but I don’t regret. — He truly seemed satisfied with that experience. — In Russia, when we are camping at a very cold winter night, we take our clothes off and warm ourselves using our bodies heat. — He said that without eye contacting me. I simply started to take my clothes off. He looked at me and got a bit surprised by that, but soon he was taking his clothes off too. When we both were completely naked, one in front of another, I just hugged him. 

 We just hugged each other. It seemed like a quick, weird hug you give when you just meet someone. The situation was getting weirder. 

 — It would be an odd time to have an erection, right now. — He said, after a while. I smiled. 

 — Or maybe not. We could get warmer. — I said back. I felt him blushed, but then he laughed. 

 That conversation seemed to break the ice between us. And the hug became stronger. I tried not to touch my leg in his penis, but we were so stick together that it was inevitable. We heat it up. He had the skinny and large shoulders, just as Oliver. 

 He’s making me remember of Oliver when we were in that position was making me hard. I closed my eyes and felt back the heat of Oliver’s legs against mine, the way I used to hold his back when we were having sex, the way I felt him inside me... 

 — Ã... I think I’m warm enough now. — He let go of me. And I came back to reality. I wasn’t entirely with a hardon, but my dick was giving signs of life. Viktor didn’t seem embarrassed, though.  

 — I’m sorry! — I was so embarrassed and quickly put my clothes on.  

 — Everything is fine. Really. These things happen all the time. — He was being generous. 

 We go back to the city and when we arrived at my home, I was still a bit embarrassed.  

 — You shouldn’t be this way, Elio. I think it would be impossible not to have a half erection in that situation. I believe this happens with every Russian, but they keep it as a secret. You know, Russians are good on keeping secrets. — He really seemed okay with that. So, I eased a bit. 

 — We still must start to make the French homework.  — I tried to redirect the conversation to another topic. But we indeed needed to start to write the essay. We already lost a week. 

 — True! What’s the theme, again? — We were already talking to each other as nothing had happened. 

 — L’Avenir! I will be the grumpy old man and you will be the loopy one. — I said dead serious, as a doctor give the diagnosis of a life or death. He laughed. 

 — A loopy old man who likes to swim at freezing waters and a grumpy old one who tries to warm him up, in any way possible. — We looked to each other as we were holding a secret only ours.  

 — At my house tomorrow, then? — I wanted to introduce him to my parents. 

 — I can’t. Tomorrow I’ll have an obligation. I’m busy the whole week, actually. But on other Saturdays I’m all yours. If we could do the homework at my home, it would be better for me. — I was surprised he was so busy living in Crema, but I agreed on us seeing each other on the Saturdays at his house. 

 The only class, me and Viktor had in common was French, that it was on Fridays, but we always see it each other at the breaks. We always hang out the most time under the stairs that give access to the classrooms on the second floor. 

 He talks about how his life in Russia was, a bit about his relationship with his parents, not giving many details, and his will to go to live in France. 

 I related a lot with him and his desire to go as far as possible.  

 Viktor would talk about his life as he was revealing everything, but he still seemed like he was keeping a secret. Sometimes, when he was talking about Russia, it seemed that he was trying to run away from some details about his life there. 

 In our first meeting to write the French’s essay, he received me quite discreetly.  

 — Ciao. — He said while answering the door. He seemed sneaky, almost like I was coming into his house with no permission. 

 — Ciao. — I said it back, trying to sound as quiet as possible. He already has said that his mother was in the house all the time, because she was in a risky pregnancy. So, I imagined that this maybe was the reason why all the discretion.  

 — Let’s go upstairs at my room. — He said it, leading the way. 

 When we got there, it was a very big room, it almost looked like another apartment there. There was a double bed in one corner and in another corner, there was a grand piano and a cello leaning on a chair. 

 — You didn’t tell me you also played. — I gave him a quite surprised, but impressed look.  

 — Well, this is one of the reasons why I’m so busy the whole week. — When I looked at him, he had a sad look in his face. 

 We sat and put all the studying supplies at a round table that was set in the center of the room, with a couple chairs.  

 The French’s essay theme was “future”. The teacher let us write about anything, only if it was related with the word future. 

 — What do you want to be in the future? — I unpretentiously asked Viktor. 

 — I have a dream to go to Esmond, in France, to study fashion. I’d really like to become a Stylist. Release my own designs. See them show on a catwalk. — It seemed like I was staring at a mirror when I saw the sparkle on Viktor’s face. His emotion while speaking was the same, I feel when I talk about my own dreams. 

  — We should write as how we imagine ourselves until ten years from now. Turning our dreams come true and becoming who we want to be. — I was excited with that idea.  

 Viktor agreed, but he was crestfallen. 

 — Didn’t you like the idea? — I put my hand over his to show that I was worried.  

 — I did! I did! Yeah! — He suddenly looked at me smiling, take his hand from under mine, putting it over, giving it a little squeeze and then carefully double-tapping. 

 That way we would meet every Saturday at his place to discuss about the essay. 

  Viktor is amazing. We have a lot in common, but in every moment, I’d saw him on sports square or when we’d hang out at school’s break, I could just think about Oliver. For some time, I wasn’t thinking about him anymore, but as much as I was getting closer to Viktor, I remembered of him more and more. Viktor was different from Oliver, but at the same time they had a lot in common. They had some physics characteristics alike, such as their eyes, the height and face traces. Viktor is shy and introspective. Oliver appeared as shy, but he just waits for the right moment to act. Viktor was spiritous as him. Both were nocturnal, although Viktor wasn’t a creature of the night. Viktor was someone who remembered me of Oliver, but he could never become him. What a shame. 

 At a Monday night, I receive a call from Viktor: 

 — Hello? 

 — Hi! It’s me. — He was whispering. He didn’t need to introduce himself to me anymore. I could recognize him only by the voice.  

 — Mon russe préféré! To what do I owe the pleasure? — Viktor could be so introspective sometimes, he could forget about me for days, with no call or visit. He could be a worser friend than me, sometimes. 

 — Oh! I wanted to go out tonight. You were supposed to show me around, remember? — I have forgotten. He was already talking normally now. 

 — Alright! We could go to the cinema, in Pandino. It stays close to... — Piave’s battle memorial. Where I confessed what I was feeling for Oliver. 

 — Bene! Are we going with bikes? — I didn’t want to go. But I didn’t have many choices of places to take him. And I already have suggested the cinema. Brilliant! 

 We went with bikes and when we arrived at the downtown, I stopped in front of the monument. The air was fresh, the night was pleasing, I closed my eyes and I transported myself to that day of summer besides Oliver.  

 — Do you know what are the movies in exhibition? — Viktor stopped by my side. I’ve opened my eyes and turned to him, a little confused and hiding a smirk. 

 — Movies? — I asked him rhetorically. He looked at me confused. 

 I leaned my bike on the railing that protected the monument and went walking to the direction of the only Teather of the city and made a head signal for him to follow me. Viktor was naïve. Different from Oliver who was mature and knew very well the reality of the world. I think I could teach a thing or another to the naïve boy. 

 After the movie, we went to the nearest bar to buy some beverage and leaned over the monument’s railing.  

 — I used to like very much to go to the movies in Mocow, me and my friends. — Viktor was looking straight ahead, holding his botte.  

 — Russian’s movies should’ve been bored, don’t they? — For what I’ve known, Russian’s cinema was purely political propaganda. 

 — Yes, they were. But we’d go to the forbidden movies. Where they exhibit American’s films, and even some Italian’s films too. I used to have a great group of friends over there. Almost like yours. — He turned to me with a smirk and a nostalgic look on his face. 

 — I miss my friends too. — It was the first time that I was assuming this to another person. 

 — What happened between you all? I’ve realized that something strange was happening between you and them when I’ve got here. It wasn’t my fault, was it? — The affectionate and sensitive way he showed to care, captivated me. It reminded me of Oliver. 

 — No! Not at all. Things were already strange way before you arrived. It’s hard to explain. I don’t have the right words for this right now, how I didn’t have the right words to talk to them. — Even on that moment, I was still concerned to tell anything. 

 — You don’t have to explain nothing. Neither to me, neither to them. Whatever it is, if you don’t feel comfortable to talk about it, it’s your choice. — He was talking like he’d knew and understood what I lived and how I was feeling. 

 I held my head on his shoulder, closed my eyes and I remembered the way I used to feel safe and understood on the arms and shoulders of Oliver. 

 We stood there for what it looked like hours. 

 — Elio, it’s getting late. We better head off. — He said while he put one hand over my head, giving it a gentle stroke. I look up and sees Viktor’s teary eyes. 

 — You know, there’s some kind of things about me that I also can’t talk to anyone. Some things that are hard to explain. But I had a friend who understood me, because he was just like me. — I wasn’t understanding where he wanted to get with this. — Maybe, you should find someone who is just like you. — I looked at him, confused. I wasn’t understanding what he meant by “find someone who is just like you”. 

 — You know, I had someone who got me. Someone who felt the way I felt. — I wanted to tell him everything. Tell him about Oliver, from my love and from everything I lived with him. — Don’t you like our friendship? — I held him by his arm, like I was trying to not let him escape. 

 — I do, Elio. But I don’t know what you want from me. — I’ve got confused. I didn’t realize how close I’ve got from him over all this time. 

 — Do you want something more than a friendship, Viktor? — I looked in his eyes. I needed to know.  

 He stared me back. It seemed like he was taming himself to say something. 

 — I love you, Elio. I love you like a friend. But I don’t know if this love can turn into something more. — He let go his arm from my hand. He made a move like he was going away. 

 I liked Viktor, but not in the same way he seems to like me. I wanted him around because he reminded me of Oliver. I needed him around. 

 — Wait! — I held his arm again. — I want to be more than friends. Is this it, then? Do you like boys? Me too! We can get it right. — He turned and stared at me. Then, he got close to me, slowly, touching my face with one of his hands and kissed me. 

 The winter came to an end and with it our French essay. Although, I don’t see myself with Viktor in the future, he got very excited with our meetings. He wanted, despite my strong reluctance, to put in our essay, us both living together as “friends” in Paris, each of us going after of our dreams. Myself as a successful conductor, presenting my own compositions at the biggest Teather from Paris and Viktor as a successful stylist, working for some big brand such as Chanel. As I wanted to please him, I agreed. With the condition of adding how I imagined my life in the university in New York. Because this was my biggest dream to turn reality, some months ahead, but I still couldn��t stop thinking about it.  

 Our relationship after that night in Pandino got warmed. I didn’t want to relate to him the same way he wanted to me. He seemed to be in love and would always do these romantic things for me, such as: write little notes with caring messages and love letters declaring himself for me. I just kept going with this relationship because every time I’d close my eyes while kissing him, I’d think about Oliver. Every moment I was laying my head on his lap, while we were in Fontanile, I’d close my eyes and think about Oliver. All affection that I was feeling for Viktor was just because I’d imagine Oliver on his place. For a while it seemed to work, but in May’s eve we had a conversation: 

 — Elio, I’ll go to France. — We were in Fontanile, with my head lying on his lap. 

 — Yes, I know, it’s your dream. — I was with my eyes closed trying to channel Oliver. I didn’t know why he was talking about this on that moment. 

 — Yes, it’s my dream. But my parents want me to go in a short abroad to France. Well, at least I’ve got them to send me to go. — I opened my eyes. That took me by surprise. 

 — Alright... hum... you can go... — I didn’t know what to say. 

 — I know that you want me to go. And I will go anyway. But I will return only in the last week of the summer break. — He finished saying that as I had to assume something. — And we didn’t have sex yet. — Ha! I knew I had to assume something. — And I really wanted to go to France having already lost my virginity. — I put myself sitting and looked to him with a wondering face. — And I really wanted to be with you.   

 I would have no problem fucking Viktor, I mean, he’s quite attractive. We have already masturbated together before (I was thinking about Oliver the whole time, but I guess it’s still counts, doesn’t?) and we almost had sex once, right here, in Fontanile. The truth was that I just have had sex with only two people in my life to this point: Marzia and Oliver. With Marzia, it was a desire to relief me and explore the feminine body. With Oliver, it was sincere. It had been a desire beyond curiosity, it was something passional, something I thought that I was never going to feel for anybody else, and yet I have not felt like that again. What would I have to offer to Viktor? Would it be fair with the poor infatuated boy, to have sex without feeling the same way back? 

 — What if we waited your return? — I was a little nervous. I was using Viktor as a voo doo doll of Oliver this whole time. But he wanted something that would make sense, that would mark his life forever. I didn’t know if it was fair. 

 — We wouldn’t have time. It would be our last week together. Don’t you want to? — He said with a confusing expression on his face. The mood for love the way he was talking with me was fading and a mood for insecurity was coming out. — Have I done something wrong? I can do anything you want me to. I don’t have a lot of experience, but you could guide me through it. I could... — I needed to put an end to that agony. I needed to do what was right.  — Relax! It’s fine. Of course, that I want to! I mean, if it’s that important to you we have sex before you go to France... Mon amour, je vais te donner la meilleure nuit de ta vie!   

 On the way home, I was thinking if I have done the right thing, for certain. I have decided to have sex with Viktor because I wanted to please him, and in some kind of way return all the moments he made me feel like I was beside the true love of my life.  

 I was turn-on by Viktor. Every time we were kissing each other roughly, I’d always have a wood and I enjoyed those moments with him. But I was still in love with Oliver. I wanted to be kissing Oliver when I was kissing Viktor. I wanted to be grabbing Oliver’s dick when I was putting my hand inside Viktor’s pants. No! I would give the night Viktor wanted so much with me and soon enough when he would return from France, we’d say goodbye to each other and each one of us would follow their way in life.  

 When I walked in home, I left my bike in the entrance. When I was heading towards the stairs to my bedroom, my dad was sitting on the living room’s couch, reading a book. 

 — Elio! You seem anxious. Something happened? — My dad starred at me upside down. He knew how to read me better than anyone else in the whole world. Nothing seemed to escape his cunning eyes.  

 — No. I was just with a friend, chatting. — I haven’t sounded convincing.  

 — Maybe... wasn’t you thinking about Oliver? — He really knew how to read me. 

 — No. Why would I? — I said a bit off-color. — He must be getting married at this moment with... someone. I don’t have anything to do with that. 

 — Yes. In fact, he’s already married. — I looked confused at him. — He sent an invitation to his wedding. It was held on April 23rd, three weeks ago.  

 He was looking at me with a look of wisdom, as if he knew what he was doing. 

 I’ve got confused with that revelation. 

 — Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t we go? — I had a lump in my throat. I wasn’t used to feel angry with things or people. I have always thought that everything was part of life and a learning, but at that moment I got furious and with a wild desire to attack my father.  

 — It looks like you downed, Elio. — I couldn’t hide anymore. The tears were running down my face and my rage were probably showing off on my face. — I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want you to get hurt. I know you’d like to go, to see Oliver. Might one last goodbye. But that would just leave you tighten with the past you have with him.  

 — I’m already tighten to him. What we had together were strong enough to tighten both of us forever. — I whipped my tears. Saying that helped me drain a little of the rage I was feeling. — I think about him all the time, everywhere I go in this town, when I’m with anyone who is just a mere shadow of his memory. 

 — Is this what you’re doing with this poor boy? — He knew about Viktor. — You want so bad to be near Oliver that you’re pretending to love a boy who makes you remember him. Do you think it’s fair? — He asked me that as he didn’t carry a burden. 

 — It’s your fault too for not telling me about the wedding. For not showing me the invitation. For not have given me the chance of what could’ve been the last chance of saying goodbye to him, the way we deserved. You don’t have the right to question my morality. — I had already taken my anger. He didn’t own me anything more. 

 — He wouldn’t want that. You are aware of that. He made a call himself to talk about the wedding, in your winter break. He sent the invitation on behalf of me and your mother. He didn’t want you there. — I was already on my back, feeling triumphantly, towards the stairs, when that hit me like a stab in my back. — If you want to keep sleeping so you can dream about Oliver every time that you’re beside that boy, that’s fine. It’s your ethic, it’s your life. But when you realize that you spent your whole life dreaming and forgot to live, maybe it will be too late.  

 — Whatever. — That took the air out of my lungs. Knowing that Oliver didn’t want me around the day that could be our last goodbye. Knowing that I was fooling myself with Viktor and fooling the poor boy too. Knowing that I was thinking about Oliver all this time, when he was too busy with his academic life and with his wedding.  

 I ran upstairs. I was sad. I was finally feeling something real.     

 Elio, Elio, Elio. I woke up that morning with my whispers calling for Oliver, in the same way we used to do on bed. It was June 18th, Saturday. On this day I would have sex with Oliver, for the last time. 

 Since that discussion with my father that I found out Oliver didn’t want me near him anymore, my head was wondering between imagining myself in NYU’s corridors and through the lines of Oliver’s body. When I was alongside Viktor, I no longer saw him, I just saw Oliver there. I wanted Oliver there. When my hands travelled through his naked chest, it was my skin against Oliver’s skin. My skin against Viktor’s skin, were my skin against Oliver’s skin. I wanted Oliver there. 

 I got up from bed, even a little more excited than the usual of those last four weeks. I went to the sink and washed my face. 

 When I looked my reflection in the mirror, I noticed I was needing a shaving. 

 I went down the stairs to the living room and my parents were already in the kitchen taking breakfast. 

 — Morning, mon amour! — My mom said, caring as usual. — I prepared a couple of bacon with eggs for you, darling. — It was almost like she knew that I would be needing some extra energy for today. 

 — Good morning, Elio! — My father was strange since the last discussion. He doesn't make the passive-aggressive type, but every time we crossed each other, he looked at me with disapproval. We haven’t discussed the last topic anymore, so everything stayed the same, although.  

 — Good morning, everyone! — I went to the balcony and took the plate my mom did for me. My humor was increasingly getting better. Receiving the look of disapproval from my father day by day, was letting me depress, but on that morning, knowing what I would do tonight, it made me delight of rebellion on that look. 

 I spent the morning transcribing music. What keeps me distracting and not let me think about later tonight. 

 In the afternoon I met Viktor at the Piazza. We took a gelato and just chat. I was talking to him as I genuinely was paying attention at what he was saying, when I was thinking about Oliver the whole time. That night to Viktor was meaning the loss of the innocence. The seal from a lover to another. For me, that night was going to represent my last farewell with Oliver. The one that was took from me. The one that even Oliver, apparently, didn’t want to happen. 

The night came. We set up to have sex in Fontadine, because that was the place, we always meet each other on Saturdays to flirt, talk and masturbate together. This was our dating ritual. 

 Before I leave the house, I went to the wardrobe and took the blue shirt that Oliver gave to me before he left. I pressed the shirt against my face, my chest, closed my eyes and started to evoke the remembrance of his touch on my, the heat, the hair, the strength of his hands holding me in his arms. That made me hard. 

 Now I was ready to have my night. 

 I left quite surreptitiously to not wake up anyone. When I arrived there, he was already waiting for me. 

 — Ow! You’re so hard that I can see it through your jeans. Ha, ha, ha... — He was looking at what really mattered that night. 

 I head to him; I leaned down and started kissing him. He slides his hand towards my erection and stroked my dick very gently over my pants. I started unbuttoning the shirt he was wearing, kissing his neck and slowly going down his chest. 

 — I was missing you so much. — I wanted him to know that if my dick was so hard that way it was because of him. 

 — We saw each other on this... — I kissed his mouth. This night, he was mine. 

 As I went down my kisses, I was feeling a pressure growing in the middle of his legs. He was getting hard too. He was mine. 

 I unbutton his pants and put his dick on my mouth. The taste was the same as it used to be. How I missed that taste. I was blowing his cock, while he was mourning of pleasure. I wanted him to feel so much pleasure that night that he would call me by his name. I wanted him to feel all my love tonight. 

I took all my clothes off. He was already naked. I sat on his lap, looked inside his blue eyes and put his dick inside me. I started to move slowly, up and down, while we kiss. I carried on like this until the great summit. I was on the peak of my pleasure. I was coming. That moment I looked in his eyes and I couldn’t see Oliver anymore. 

— Oliver? Oliver? Oliver? — I called for him, holding his face. 

Viktor pushed me aside.  

— Oliver? Who is Oliver, Elio? — He seemed like he was harassed by a stranger. 

I lay down on the grass, chilling, exasperated and satisfied. I looked back to Viktor, and he was in fetal position, without understanding anything. I didn’t want to scare him. I just wanted to use him. 

— Look, I’m sorry. Do you remember that another person I told you who knew how I was feeling? That another person is called Oliver. I found out until recently that he got married to another person. Invited my parents but didn’t want me to go. I just wanted one last night with him. A farewell. — There was anger on Viktor’s eyes. The pain of being used this whole time. The fragile way he looked hounded, as a child. That was making me feel like shit. 

We stood there for a few minutes, absorbing what just happened, until he got his strength back, gets up hurried, gets dressed and leave, without saying anything. 

Viktor went away to France the next day. I tried to call him to try to say goodbye without looking in his eyes, but he’d hung up the phone every time he’d hear my voice. It seemed like all the weight of the disapproval looks my father gave me last month started to make effect. I was feeling sick. 

The summer’s vacation came and to think about Oliver, wasn’t a pleasant or nostalgic thing to do. To think about him was to remember of how I was sick. I walked away from my friends because I couldn’t share the “friendship” I had with Oliver. I was afraid of not being accepted. But they deserved the truth. I’ve met a boy as cool as Oliver was, but I never had the chance to know him better because I was too preoccupied the whole time on comparing him to Oliver. 

I had finally met someone who liked boys, the same way I do, but I couldn’t have had any sincere conversation about it because I just could only think about Oliver. 

We went to my family’s country house, and it was painful to walk in my bedroom for the first time since the last summer, when it was occupied by Oliver. I was sad and distressed.  

— Mon amour, why don’t you invite some of your friends to visit us? This could cheer you up a bit! — My mother came from behind, putting her hands in my shoulders while I was sitting at the yard in the front of the house. If my father knew how to read me like anyone. My mother was like nature around. Always knew what I was needing. 

— Yeah. That’d be good! — I got up and went to the house’s telephone. 

I tried to gather all my dignity to call to Luigi, Luisa, Francesco and Paolo, and invite them to come here. I had taken them away from me at the beginning of the year, and after I’ve started my friendship with Viktor, I just ignored their existence. 

— Elio? — Luigi was the first one I called. Maybe because of our closeness, he wasn’t holding too much grudge of me. 

— Yeah, it’s me. I just wanted to see you... 

— Of course! Anytime, my friend. — He sounded relief on the phone. 

 — There’s something I need to tell you. To all our friends. — I paused for a second. A knot was taking form in my throat. — I need to explain why I’ve been weird since the last summer.  

— Certo, amico. I’m sure you’re going to be the weirdest possible about it. Elio being Elio. — He laughed on the other side. I laughed too. 

I hung up.  

Dialed again. 

— Pronto? — Luisa’s voice never sounded so hard. 

— Hello! It’s me. — I’ve tried to sound funny, maybe I sounded weird. Maybe Luigi was right. 

— Elio? Mio dio! It’s been a while! I mean... how do you go away and come back out of the blue, as nothing had happened? I... — Luisa could be hard, but she is the mother of the group. 

— I know! I know! Forgive me! I didn’t want this to be the way it is. That’s why I want to see you and everybody together, today, so I can explain myself. I need to tell the reason I’ve been weird since the last summer. 

— Bene, amore! — She sounded in peace on the other side. 

I hung up the phone and dialed again. 

— Elio? Le tue gioie, amico! — Francesco seemed the happiest with my call. 

— Can we meet today? There’s something I need to talk to everyone. — With Francesco it seemed like he didn’t hold any grudge. 

I hung up the phone and there was only one more number to dial. 

Paolo was the one who got the most upset with me after I departed from the group. The way he used to look at me when we crossed each other at school, bordered on insignificance. 

— Pronto? — He answered the phone with the most charisma he always put in everything he does.  

— Hello? Paolo? — I gathered all my dignity to say that “hello”. 

— How do you have the balls to call me? — He sounded furious now. 

— I know! I know! I’m sorry! I need to talk... — He hung up the phone. Maybe I would not get to talk and explain myself to all my friends today. I just hope I haven’t lost Paolo for good.  

As they were coming, I was making everyone comfort in the living room. 

Everyone was standing, each one in every corner, forming a circle. All staring at me. 

— Well. I called all you here to tell what happened last summer. — It was costing me to say all those words. I could be only monosyllabic, sometimes. But I had to put it out. — I fell in love... 

— Yes, with a man. — Luigi said. I looked at him as he had revealed something terrible from my past. 

— Let Elio tell it, Luigi! — Luisa said, comprehensibly. 

— Yes, it was with a man. 

— We know, Elio. — Francesco said, as he was just revealing a plan from all four, I mean, three, had made. 

— But it wasn’t just that. — I wanted to tell all my desire for Oliver, explain how we met, everything I’ve felt and discovered with him. 

— Elio, everything is fine! — Luisa headed to me and gave a side hug. — You don’t need give the details of something that only belongs to you. We just wanted you to confess that you liked boys. Just that. — I was a bit confused now. Did they know everything? How? 

— How did you know? — I was a little afraid to ask that question. Maybe I wasn’t ready for the answer. 

— Elio, your cousin Mathéo told me that a couple years ago he saw you kissing a boy while your family were visiting. We already suspected that because, I mean, you’re a sensitive boy and very good on things. It’s your thing. Mainly because you were becoming weirder. — Luigi revealed. I stood there with no reaction. I didn’t know what to think, but a weight fell off my shoulders. It was like I was naked there, in front all of them, but without feeling ashamed or humiliated. I was comfortable being naked in front of my friends. — And we knew you must’ve got evolved with a man last summer. Your parents talked about your friendship with the last host. Then was to add two plus two. We didn’t want details of this relation. We just wanted you to feel comfortable to talk anything you’d like about it. 

We gathered and gave a group hug. 

— Take this, Elio. I wrote this one for you. — Francesco gave me a piece of paper. 

I looked and there was a poem on it. 

The boy from the music. 

The boy from the books. 

The boy intelligent. 

The boy with a heart. 

When you think that nothing lets us pass by, 

With your own way of saying things, your mysterious way. 

He’s always by your side. 

It doesn’t matter the season or temperature. 

Cold or hot 

He will always be there 

Making you feel dear 

Even far away, in dreams 

You will always be thinking about him 

Thinking about on his only way to be, 

As he will always be. 

He will always be there. 

I read and realized that I didn’t need to find the right words to say anything to them. I just needed to be present and be who I was. 

— Are you guys mad at me? — It was a naïve question. 

— Of course not! — All they said in unison. 

— Please, tell Paolo that I’m sorry. I didn’t want things to get to this point. — I gave a glance at Luisa who was by my side. She nodded with teary eyes. 

A month has passed since that night that I had sex with Viktor. I only could think about that since my last reunion with my friend. I didn’t know how to apologize with him for have used him the way I did. I tried to write a letter, but the pile of papers beside my desk was showing that I wasn’t being able to write anything good enough or sincere enough to say sorry. I had to look him in the eye. 

I decided to call Viktor to talk with me, here in my parent's country’s house, just the way it was with my friends. Until then, I was enjoying very well the summer with my friends and cousins. Unfortunately, Marzia couldn’t come visit us this year, but I was making a new friend with the new host, Jennifer. She was funny, very good spirited and beautiful, but I didn’t feel nothing like that about her. I didn’t like to use the word gay, but maybe I was gay, after all. 

In a very hot day, we were all gathered around the pool. 

— Elio, did you come to our graduation? — Luisa asked. She was sitting in a sun lounger, sunbathing using her sunglasses.  

— No! Did we have a graduation? — I was so obsessed about Oliver in our last week of school that I didn’t even bother to show up to the classes. — Was it cool? 

— It was nice. Paolo was our speaker. He did a good speech. 

I felt weird about it, so I just started to swing from one side to another. 

I’ve been starting to forget about Oliver and just could think about Viktor. So much, that a call caught me by surprised. 

— Hello! — I was excited. Just had to win a volleyball play. 

— Hello, Elio? — It was Viktor. All the guilt and regret came back weighting in my back. 

— Viktor? — An uncomfortable silence stood for a few seconds. — Are you okay? How it’s been there in Paris? — I wanted to do casual. 

— Actually, I’m not in Paris anymore, Elio. I got sick and had to come back home. — I thought this was strange. It must’ve been something serious that he couldn’t get a treatment in Paris. 

— We need to talk. — We both said it at the same time. 

I still haven’t played anything on the piano that was in the living room. And even with my school friends there, our friends from France and our family coming, the house sounded silent. 

Viktor insisted for us to talk in his house tomorrow. 

I stared at the mirror and tried to rehearse a conversation with Viktor: 

— I feel so sorry for everything! 

— I was sick. Living in a dream about a past that wouldn’t come. 

— Oliver was the first love of my life, and the romance we had was something that marked me inside for my whole life. I know, I know. This isn’t excuse enough to use somebody the way I used you, but I’m recognizing my own mistake. I just want you to understand that it was something impulsive. I was just acting by my desire. 

Would those words be enough? 

I went outside, in the front yard, and felt the sun heat burn in my face. I looked around and saw my mother in her orchard, my father sitting at the table taking an espresso, some people swimming by the pool and enjoying the water further away. Everything seemed calm and in peace. I was ready to talk to Viktor. 

On the next day, I took my breakfast with my parents. 

— Buongiorno a tutti! — I greet them. 

— Morning, mon amour! I asked Mafalda to take and clean that blue shirt for you to wear it today. You look so nice on it. — I looked at her a little confused, but soon I got it what shirt she was talking about. 

— I think I’ll wear something different today. — I nestled beside her. I knew she just had a good intention, but I thought that that wasn’t the moment to wear that shirt. 

— Am I feeling you a little lightweight today? — My father asked. 

Rhetorically, of course. 

— I will talk to Viktor today. 

— Who’s Viktor, mon amour? — My mom asked. I exchanged looks with my father. He may know about the Viktor existence, but they were never properly introduced. 

— I hope you both have fun. — My mother knew how to bring lightness to any moment. 

I arrived with my bike in front of Viktor’s apartment in the town. Left it propped up on the wall next to the front door. I went to the door and knocked. 

A tall woman with long black hair, all gathered up in a disjointed bun, with a huge pregnant belly, answered me at the door. She had a little grim appearance. 

— Hi, I’m Elio! A Viktor’s friend. Is he home? — I tried to sound the most charismatic possible. I didn’t know if Viktor had spoken about me to his parents. 

— Hi, Elio. Nice to meet you, my name is Berenice. Yes, Viktor is home, but he’s very sick right now, I don’t know if it’s a good time for visiting. — She seemed in a hurry and was just closing the door, until Viktor show up at the door. 

— Vic, you should’ve been resting. — She turned to him. She put one hand at her belly while she seemed worried about her son. 

— I’m fine, Mammina! I woke up in a good mood today. Don’t worry! — He gave a kiss in her forehead, and she left. 

— Is everything fine, Elio? — He had lost weight, was pale and looked very sick, but either way he seemed to be feeling well today. 

— Everything is fine with me. But I must confess that I have seen you better. — I just smile condescendingly for him. 

He just let the way free for me to go. I didn’t need to be guided to his bedroom, when I already been there countless time. 

— You’ve never introduced me to your parents before. — I said a little irreverent.  

— You’ve never introduced me to yours too. — He replied. 

— Call it quits. — I didn’t want to discuss or argue little grudges on that moment. There was bigger things to deal with. 

— Elio, there’s something I need to tell you. — He started talking, but it was me who should be talking. 

— No! It’s me who should say anything. I... — He raised his hand in a signal for me to stop talking. He seemed tired. 

— I’m sick, Elio. At this moment I’m with pneumonia, but all it started with a dry cough. — I didn’t know why that was relevant to our conversation, to our history. He was young. He for sure would recover from that. — The doctor said that it should be flown by a few days, If I keep with the right treatment and all that. But I’ve been feeling abdomen pain and other strange symptoms. 

— It must be just an infection! I’m pretty sure it will be flown soon. Look, I really think that we should be talking about another thing. — He raised his hand again. 

— I’ve been reading about some news on a certain virus that is spreading through the United States. And some of the symptoms are alike of what I’m having. — Virus? What Virus? 

— What are you talking about? — I looked at him confused, but at the same time I remembered of some news I’ve read in an American newspaper my father bought to house someday, about a virus that only affected gay men and it was uncurable.  

He understood the look on my face when I just realized about what he was talking about. Maybe because the horror took place on my face. 

— How? You just had sex with me! — I was desperate. I couldn’t have the virus. If I had the virus, maybe Oliver had too. 

— No. I didn’t only have sex with you, Elio. — He was saying that with a sad countenance, regretfully and a disheartened posture. — Some few days I arrived at Paris, I went to a gay bar and met a man. He was some few years older than me. Handsome, charming, intelligent and French. He was perfect. One of the best nights of my life. I wasn’t even thinking about you anymore. Almost two months later when I was in Paris, this man came looking for me. He was with a very sick appearance, with some eruptions on his skin. So, he came to tell me he got positive for AIDS. — He stumbled at the closest chair after telling this. I didn’t know what to do. If I’d run away from there or just hug him to try to consol him.  

— You need fresh air. That’s it! Come to my house. It will be good for you. — I didn’t know what I was talking, but I felt that he needed more people looking after him. — Luisa, Francesco and Luigi are there. We can help to take care of you. 

— Don’t! Nobody must know about this, Elio. Please, promise me you won’t tell no one! — He seemed so desperate like his life depended on it. — There’s a reason I would call you only on Saturdays to my house. Because on Saturdays my father isn’t home. He knows I’m gay. My father banned me of bringing any man inside to this house, even a friend. If my father would find out I have HIV... I don’t know what he’s capable of.  

Now I get it. But it made even more sense now for him to stay by my house the rest of the summer. 

— Viktor, I can only image the weight of everything you must’ve been carrying on your shoulders right now, but I believe that doesn’t have a better place for you to be than on my house. My friends already know about me and I’m pretty sure they will receive you with an open heart. Do you have any plans? — I was decided that I would take care of him. It was the least I could do. 

— I managed to convince my father to let me go to ESMOND. Then, after the summer I’m going to live in Paris. — He put himself together. — I think I can go to your house, Elio. 

It was Sunday morning when Viktor arrived by car. I have already talked to my father about Viktor’s situation, clarified everything and he promised me he wouldn’t tell anyone and accepted him to stay here only if he could receive medical treatment. 

I helped to carry the luggage and adjusted my bedroom so he could make himself comfortable. We would have to share my room, while Jennifer would have to stay on the side bedroom. I talked to her and explained I would receive a friend who was very sick. She made no objection and offered the room for us. My father didn’t object to this, either. He trusted in me, even understanding that the virus could only be transmitted through sex.  

 All set up, we went down to catch a little sun and bathe in the pool. 

— It’s so pacific here. — He was lay down by the pool edge, with the body wet and wearing his sunglasses. — It’s almost like we are in an Oasis. A rest from the real world. Cough, cough, cough... — He wasn’t all recovered yet from the pneumonia, and we would receive a doctor visit today, on the afternoon. 

— I think we should get dry and come in. There’s an air current through that must not being well for you. — I wanted to take care of him. I wanted to talk to him more. Pay attention on what he had to say, at least once. 

We got in and went to the living room. He wears my old Talking Head shirt, one of my favorites. I sat down on the couch, and he lay down his head in my lap. 

We stood there for a few minutes in silence. I was thinking in every moment of interaction I had lost. When I was too busy with Oliver in my head, instead of paying attention on Viktor. 

— Do you play it so well as it looks? — He asks suddenly. 

— Bach reincarnated. — We both laugh. — And what do you play exactly? 

— I play Violin, Viola, Cello and a bit of piano. — I got impressed. — But I don’t like anything I play. — It must be a sad life to practice the whole week such beautiful instruments and not be delighted by not even a note that resounds off it. 

— I know you like fashion. What else do you like? — I wanted to know who Viktor was. 

— I like to draw. And not just clothes designs, but I like to draw people and animals. My favorite drawing is one I made when I was ten. The were a few days left for us to go to Moscow and I was sad for having to abandon my friends and my hometown. Me and my friends used to hunt wild animals in the yard. So, there’s this day, I was by myself, and found a wild rabbit. Which is a little rare, since they hide on their holes during the day. He seemed lost and afraid. I kept looking at him and observed every detail until he was gone. — I was imagining the whole scene while he was telling me the history. I imagined a ten-year-old sad Viktor. 

— It must be a very realistic drawing. — I was imagining every trace of that drawing. 

— Kinda, actually. I tried to capture the fear the rabbit was feeling on that moment. Because it was almost like the same fear, I was feeling for having to go to an unknown land. — I didn’t know he could be so deep.  

— Are there any happy moments in your life? Per l’amor de Dio! — We both laughed. 

— I’ve had some happy moments among my friends in Moscow! What do you want to know? — I wanted to know if there was any love. 

— Did you already fall in love? — I asked, while stroking his hair. 

— Yes. He was from my gang. But we didn’t have a happy ending. — He seemed very well resolved with this. — Actually, there’s a song I like to play. — he disengaged from my hands and stood up, going directly to the piano. 

Viktor sits down to the piano, take a deep breath, straighten his posture and starts to play beautifully Album for the Young (mamma) from Tchaikovsky. 

I was admiring him from his back, and it looked like I was watching myself playing. The whole time I was searching for Oliver on Viktor, when it was me that I should’ve been searching on him. A new me, a new love. 

The summer ended. I went to New York. Viktor went to France, but we kept in touch through letters. He kept getting sick but kept fighting bravely for his life. It was all water under the bridge between us. We had a sincere conversation before each one of us go away searching for our dreams: 

— You have said you needed to say something for me, that day on my house. — Viktor sat down by my side on the couch. 

— Yeah. — I made myself comfort in my seat and started to talk without looking at him. — Viktor, I like you. A lot. But unfortunately, all the moments we had together, I was thinking about another person. A person I love deeply. And that I couldn’t get over until now. — I looked at him. — After we had sex, making all that, thinking about him, I felt sick and maybe I was sick. But I realized that I couldn’t spend my life living an illusion just so I could have moments with him, when I was forgetting to live the here and now. — I took his hands. — I see you the way you are. I want to listen to all the histories with your friends in Moscow. I want to listen you complain about your father. I want to be able to talk to you about what both of us feel about men. I want to be your friend and maybe something more, one day. 

He puts his other hand below mine and take it to his mouth, give it a kiss and say: 

— I see you too, Elio. 

I took our hands to my mouth and give it a kiss too. 

[thegallivantersart]

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: Baabuk for Alex Mill Lace Up Wool Sneakers in Marigold Yellow Unisex.

[thecreaturecodex]

Munuane

Image © @a-book-of-creatures​, accessed at A Book of Creatures here

[The munuane is an ogre of the Guahibo people of Columbia and Venezuela. It’s got a great look and some weird abilities, which make it an excellent candidate for conversion into an RPG monster. I’m not the only one who thinks so; Legendary Games did a version of it for their Latin American Monsters PDF, and I borrowed the sight dependency ability from their version.

It is worth noting that, like many humanoid monsters from South America, the munuane has a reputation as a rapist. It’s a small enough part of the lore that I’m willing to ignore it here, but there are some monsters where their whole deal is raping people who enter their territory, and these are monsters I will not be covering. The trauco and the akalakui come to mind--the akalakui have only two citations I know of outside of academic texts, one a poem in Portuguese about how they gang rape people, and one a children’s book (!) called The Gruesome Guide to World Monsters. So if you go digging into South American mythology, be forewarned.]

Munuane CR 11 LE Fey This grey skinned giant has an eyeless head, a lipless mouth and tufts of fur about its body. It has clawed hands and carries a spear. Its strangest feature is its eyes, which sit squarely in its kneecaps.

The munuane is sometimes called “Grandfather of Fishes”, for its role in protecting fish populations and in order to mollify its violence. A munuane considers a wide territory and all of the aquatic animals within it to belong to it, and thus anyone who fishes, hunts aquatic animals like turtles or capybara, or even collects shellfish owes the munuane a debt of gratitude. If one is cautious and takes little, gratitude is all that the munuane expects. On the other hand, the munuane will kill and eat any fishermen it considers having overstepped their bounds.

A munuane will usually fight discriminately, targeting a single victim, luring them out into the open, and killing them with an arrow. So long as a munuane only carries a single arrow, that arrow is indestructible and charged with deadly force. Most munuanes have single arrows stashed in various places in their territory, so in the worst case scenario where their arrow fails to kill a victim and is stolen, they can have another arrow to use in the future. Once their arrow is expended, they fight with spears or their deadly claws. A munuane’s eyes are the key to its power—blinding a munuane, even temporarily, can weaken it so that mundane weapons and energy can penetrate its hide.

Munuane have a strong sense of gender roles. Men go out and fish and hunt for victims, women stay at home and cook and craft. This does not mean that female munuane are any less dangerous than the males, but they defer to their husbands in most matters. As munuane do not have any teeth, they typically eat their meat slow cooked and tender in a stew. Munuane have a reputation for foolishness.

Munuane            CR 11 XP 12,800 LE Large fey Init +8; Senses low-light vision, Perception +18 Defense AC 25, touch 18, flat-footed 16 (-1 size, +8 Dex, +1 dodge, +7 natural) hp 149 (13d6+104) Fort +12, Ref +16, Will +10 DR 15/cold iron; Resist acid 20, cold 20, electricity 20, fire 20; SR 22 Weakness sight dependence Offense Speed 30 ft. Melee 2 claws +17 (1d8+8) or masterwork spear +18/+13 (2d6+12/x3) Ranged masterwork composite longbow +19 (2d6+8/x3 plus slaying) Space 10 ft.; Reach 10 ft. Special Attacks lure, slaying arrow Statistics Str 27, Dex 27, Con 27, Int 10, Wis 10, Cha 18 Base Atk +6; CMB +15; CMD 34 Feats Combat Reflexes, Dodge, Iron Will, Nimble Moves, Point Blank Shot, Power Attack, Vital Strike Skills Acrobatics +19, Climb +19, Craft (woodworking) +11, Knowledge (geography, nature) +11, Perception +19, Profession (sailor) +8, Stealth +15, Survival +11, Swim +23; Racial Modifiers +8 Perception, +4 Swim Languages Common, Sylvan SQ eldritch prowess Ecology Environment warm forests and freshwater Organization solitary or pair Treasure standard (Large masterwork spear, Large masterwork composite longbow, 1 arrow, other treasure) Special Abilities Eldritch Prowess (Su) A munuane gains a competence bonus to attack rolls equal to its Charisma modifier. Lure (Su) At any point that a munuane’s targets are unaware of it (for example, if the munuane is hiding or concealed in darkness), the munuane can call out to the targets, who must be in line of sight and within 150 feet. When the munuane calls out, the targets must make a DC 20 Will save or fall under the effects of a suggestion to approach the sound of the munuane's voice. This effect functions identically to a mass suggestion spell with a caster level equal to the munuane’s Hit Dice. The creature can make a second save to resist the effect if the movement would place them in danger (such as over a cliff). A creature that saves cannot be affected again by the same munuane's lure for 24 hours. The lure is a language-dependent effect, and if the munuane uses the victim's name during the lure, the victim takes a –4 penalty on its saving throw. This is a sonic mind-affecting charm effect. The save DC is Charisma-based. Sight Dependency (Su) A munuane loses its damage reduction and energy resistances if it is blind. Slaying Arrow (Su) As long as a munuane only carries a single arrow, the arrow is treated as indestructible and can be used repeatedly without issue. A creature struck by this single arrow must succeed a DC 20 Fortitude save or take an extra 50 points of damage, as if struck by an arrow of slaying attuned to their creature type. These properties only works for the munuane—if a munuane’s arrow is collected and fired by another creature, it will break as normal. This is a death effect, and the save DC is Charisma based.

[thebutterflysoupblog]

Butterfly Soup - Trivial Trivia Edition!

During the summer of 2020, CaptainScarth (an admin on the Butterfly Soup Wiki page) made a nearly impossible quiz with 69 questions about Butterfly Soup. I'll share some of the interesting facts I found, or some that you may not have considered! You can access the quiz here.

Trivia About The Game

It’s available in 9 languages: English, Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Portuguese, Czech, Bahas Indonesian, Polish, and Farsi

It was created with Ren’Py

It was released 16 September 2017

Its sequel was announced February 2018

It won the “Best Visual Novel of 2017″ award by PC Gamer

There are 9 butterflies and 10 hearts on the title screen

The first word of the game is “Diya”

Diya

Diya’s first dialogue line was: “What’s that supposed to mean.” This was after Hayden said Diya was more princess-like than Min.

Diya’s worst fear is disappointing her parents. This was mentioned when Min and Diya went to the Oakland Coliseum

Diya hates bittermelon

As a kid, Diya wanted 5 dogs. She said it would be like having 4 friends. Canonically, she ended up getting two as an adult

It had been 5 years since Diya last saw Min as kids

Diya is hard of hearing. She is deaf in her right ear from an infection when she was little. This is mentioned in Akarsha’s chapter when it was explained that Diya turned to hear Akarsha. It is also mentioned in Ask Batch #19

Diya is 5′10 in 9th grade (according to this FAQ) but she was still shorter than Chryssa

The name of Diya’s childhood team was the Collies

Diya’s food hierarchy is: Blue flavor > Peanut butter > Mango > Circle in the center

The last spoken word in Diya’s chapter was character. Noelle was complaining to Chryssa after Chryssa said “Suffering builds character!” to which Noelle responded “I don’t want character!”

The last unspoken sentence was Diya saying in her head: I guess we’re all playing baseball now? happily.

Noelle

The first time the player encounters Noelle, she brought a plastic baggy of grapes and a steel thermos of fried rice to lunch. The next day, she brought stir-fry with bittermelon

Noelle hates bittermelon

Noelle’s first line of dialogue was: “Diya! Help me!” She needed help opening a water bottle

Noelle and Diya became friends because Noelle gifted Diya her doughnut. Diya had thought that Noelle had always been there by default

Noelle set the dry pine needles on fire, not Jerry

The poem Noelle’s dad printed out in her room said “There is no success without hardship”

In Ask #10, it is said that Noelle plays right fielder. Chryssa and Liz put her there because less balls are tossed that way

Snakey’s (the plush Diya gave Noelle) sibling composition is two older brothers and a sister

Akarsha

Akarsha’s first dialogue line is “Ayy!”

Akarsha’s pee-pee time is before class

Akarsha plays shortstop (also in Ask #10)

The last spoken word in Akarsha’s chapter is “you.” This is because Akarsha says that Min likes Diya back and she will help Diya

Akarsha likes Ace Attorney, Zero Escape, and Nabari no Ou, as she suggested names for the caterpillar from these games (and one manga)

Min

Min’s first dialogue in the game was: “THIS IS THE WORST STORY IN HISTORY!”

Min made her imaginary gun (during a flashback to the summer between third and fourth grade) out of rocks

Min drew a giant dagger on her arm with Sharpie as a kid

Min would name her dog Skull Crusher (according to her conversation with Diya at the Oakland Coliseum)

Min and her family moved to Florida.

Min said she had to drink milkshakes instead of boba in Florida (Noelle was also shocked)

Min wanted a Corvette when she got older

Min cut her hair and stopped wearing dresses in grade 2

Min played Sonic Adventure 2 as a kid

Min is the older twin (this is mentioned in Min’s chapter when she refers to herself as ‘noona’ to Jun)

Min and Noelle were accidentally drinking pani at the buffet

Min used the insults lamp post, giraffe, long green bean, and Empire State Building to refer to Noelle

The last word spoken in Min’s chapter was “Bye.”

Miscellaneous

There are 9 people in the Baseball Club and 9 people on the Niles team

The name of the Baseball Club before it was changed was the Monarchs

There were only people who identify with female pronouns in the baseball club by coincidence

Akarsha and Min needed 392 more cents to buy Mario Party at GameStop

Ester’s first line of dialogue was: “Game dates? Who are we playing against?”

The first Baseball Club meeting was on Friday

Liz knows Diya from being at one of Diya’s games when they were little, but in actuality, she played against Diya before she transitioned. Liz didn’t want to out herself, which is why she said that. (Asks #16)

That’s it! At some point, I’ll probably make another post regarding specific trivia Brianna Lei had answered on her Asks that were not explicitly mentioned in the game. If you end up taking the quiz I linked, let me know what you got! (●'◡'●)

[emeraldtawny]

IkeVam Headcanons: Angry Vampires (Mild Crack)

Hello and welcome to “Let Them Say Fuck”, a crack headcanon piece for each vampire and how they would react in a situation when shit hits the fan and the only possible answer is to word vomit profanities or punch the nearest wall~ ^w^

I checked with many people who actually speak these languages to confirm its accuracy. However, if I do get anything wrong, I do apologise. It’s all fun at the end of the day anyway, right? Anyway, profanity ahead. Let’s go~!

~

Napo

Reason for anger: MC got kidnapped and was almost stabbed before he rescued her, barely subduing his rage.

Response: “Brûle en l’enfer, connard.” before taking her home and taking out the rest of his anger in combat training.

Translation: Burn in hell, bastard.

~

Mozart

Reason for anger: The piano tuner was a day late and didn’t seem repentant for his misdeed in the slightest.

Response: [muttered under his breath] “Geh staub fressen, du hurensohn. Leck mich im arsch.”

Translation: Go eat dust, you son of a bitch. Kiss my arse. (I had to include ‘kiss my arse’ since he kinda did make a composition of the same name bfuxkgjfxngx.)

~

Leonardo

Reason for anger: A tower of books collapses over him when he pulls one loose in his mess of a bedroom.

Response: Throws his hands in the air as he proclaims, “Vai all’inferno, pompinara. Porco Dio!”

Translation: Go to hell, cock sucker. Fucking God!

~

Arthur

Reason for anger: A bird stood him up...but it got him in enough of a rut to make him lose a chess match to Theo.

Response: “Fucking vazey wagtail making me look like death’s head upon a mop stick. Fuckin’ Theo, that fuckin’ wanker.”

Translation: Fucking stupid whore making me look like a miserable man. (Second part is self-explanatory.)

~

Vincent

Reason for anger: Someone thought that it was a good idea to grope MC without her consent.

Response: No words. Just the cleanest, most back-breaking suplex that you have ever witnessed upon another person.

~

Theodorus

Reason for anger: Just as a successful art trade was about to occur, the museum director ‘accidentally’ ripped the canvas and had to throw it away for no longer being suitable.

Response: “Vieze zakkenwasser. Krijg de klere! Pleur op!” and punches the doorframe on the way out.

Translation: Dirty douchebag. I hope you get cholera! Fuck off!

~

Dazai

Reason for anger: On an awful gambling streak. And today of all days is when everyone wants to talk to him when all he wants is to seethe privately.

Response: “エヘヘヘ... 死ね。”

Translation: Ehehehe...die. (うわ, 怖いよ〜)

~

Isaac

Reason for anger: He was just about to have a breakthrough in his work but he went to grab some coffee...and came back to all of the paper around the archive gone, likely thrown away by someone who thought it was trash.

Response: Clenching his fists until they turn white and punching the bookshelf as he exclaims, “Lord, so help me before I take your name in vain and run to the Devil himself! Bloody Nora…”

Translation: ...not needed? (Given how religious irl Isaac was, it seemed fitting to give him something like this.)

~

Jean

Reason for anger: He just…..remembers why he’s here. Remembers that Comte brought him back as a vampire.

Response: “Sacre bleu...fais chier.”

Translation: Good God...this pisses me off. (He’s a man of the church, so his swears are relatively tame….relatively.)

~

Shakespeare

Reason for anger: A self-proclaimed ‘critic’ thought they could give Shakes some helpful ‘tips’ for his ‘eyesore of a play’.

Response: [spoken with a deadly calm tone and the brightest smile] “Without beating ‘round the bush, more of your conversation would infect my brain. Away, you quailing, flat-mouthed miscreant.”

Translation: … yup.

~

Comte de Saint-Germain

Reason for anger: Will is being a piece of shit, so much so that MC’s life is put in grave danger because of it.

Response: [spoken in a calm and measured voice] “Putain, fuck, cazzo, mierda, scheiße, foda, kut, blyat, منيك.”

Translation: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. (Languages are French, English, Italian, Spanish, German, Portuguese, Dutch, Russian and Arabic respectively. Leo says the last time Comte spoke Arabic, an entire organisation of aristocrats ceased to be known again, so be wary.)

~

Sebastian

Reason for anger: Someone stole his precious notebook and the residents discovered his ‘pastime’.

Response: “くそー! この野郎。Je vais les tuer.”

Translation: Dammit! This bastard. I’m going to kill them. (Poor Sebastian...and poor guy coughArthurcough who will be receiving his punishment.)

[eliteprepsat]

As an educator who has been teaching at the college level for 15 years, I have long been a believer in the kind of magic that can (and does) happen in the traditional, in-person classroom. A few years prior to COVID-19, I began teaching online courses in addition to in-person courses. Since then, I’ve also come to believe that, when done well, there are incredible benefits to online learning, especially for certain types of learners. Now that social distancing has—at least temporarily—increased the numbers of students learning via Zoom and other virtual formats, I hope to share these benefits so that students can be excited rather than overwhelmed by their experience of online learning.

1 — Online classes are more personalized

Whether online classes are synchronous or asynchronous (taught in real-time or not), they typically allow students to work more at their own pace than a traditional, in-person classroom setting does.

Since it’s impossible for online classes to function with the constant, physical presence of a teacher guiding students through all aspects of a course—from lessons, to help with homework, to reminders about project due dates—online classes can allow students to take greater control (and ownership) of their learning experience.

In turn, this allows students to personalize or help co-create their learning experience. When will they log-in to view pre-recorded lectures? Which homework readings will they re-read for extra clarity? How will they organize their time to best account for upcoming due dates? The teacher is there for help, of course. Ultimately, though, these choices are up to them, which makes online learning perfect for especially self-motivated students—or students working on developing their self-motivation.

2 — Online classes are more flexible

Simply put, there are more options when it comes to the world of online learning—including the type, timing, and location of classes that students can take.

Are you interested in taking an astronomy class, but your high school doesn’t offer one? Typically, there are more courses available to you online than there are courses available to you locally. Would you like to pursue the next level of Portuguese, but in-person courses are only available during your work hours? Again, the existence of online course options opens up possibilities for you.

And they make for greater ease of use, too. Students can now take classes from the comfort of their home, a coffee shop, or literally on the go—wherever works best for them.

This means that online classes are also more flexible for a variety of learning styles. Since no two students learn exactly the same way, students in online classes can create environments that are more conducive to their individual learning styles. Do you retain information best when listening to music? With your aromatherapy mister on full blast? Do you feel most comfortable contributing to Zoom discussions when wearing sweatpants? Or with your pet cat resting in our lap? With online learning, you can flex the class to best suit your needs—not the other way around.  

3 — Online classes are more accessible

Whereas students may have been previously limited—such as geographically, financially, or physically—to the education they could receive, online classes drastically alter the face of such access. In most cases, all a student requires now is an internet connection, and an endlessly diverse array of courses is literally at their fingertips.

This is especially important for classes and programs offered outside of one’s “regular” school curriculum, such as online tutoring services and extracurricular activities. With the accessibility afforded by online learning, more and more individuals are benefiting from these opportunities.

4 — Online classes allow for easier communication

For some students, online classes are a real game changer because they reduce all of the distractions that come with the traditional, in-person classroom, making it easier to focus and learn. Along with this reduction in distractions come more simplified modes of communication. For instance, a teacher can ask if students understand an equation that was just explained, and students can reply with a simple “thumbs up” or “thumbs down.”

Again, for students who have difficulties focusing on discussion during class, the Zoom or Google Meet chat box can be a useful tool for teachers to log contributions to conversation in real time to then be returned to later for study. And, of course, Zoom and Google Meet sessions can be recorded to either be viewed or listened to again (and again). These are just a few ways that the online classroom can allow for easier, more adaptable communications between teacher and student for optimal learning.

5 — Online classes allow for deeper connections

Online learning can be an asset because it streamlines student access to teachers. Though it may seem counterintuitive since online classes seem to put students at more of a remove from their teachers, students can often actually see their teachers’ reactions online more immediately and clearly in the online classroom than they can in the traditional, in-person classroom.

Student-teacher access can be more streamlined via online learning outside of virtual lessons, as well—in particular, when it comes to email and chat communications. Often when a student asks a teacher a question in person either before or after class, the response is somewhat compromised. This is because the teacher is either getting ready for the lesson to come or “decompressing” from the class that has just occurred while (likely) fielding a stream of questions from a line of students. However, if a teacher receives a question by email or chat, they have the luxury of a little extra time and space to mull it over, eventually replying with a more well-thought out answer.

In these ways, online classes can allow for communications/connections between teacher and student that are, however surprisingly, more immediately gratifying, clear, and in-depth.

6 — Online classes let you to focus on the bigger picture

Since many students who take online classes sit in on their classes at home, it’s possible for their families to play a bigger role in their education. Whether they are home-schooled or not, this can be a plus for some students for whom family plays an especially central part in their lives.

Additionally, since taking classes from home eliminates time spent traveling to and from school, taking online classes can also make it easier for students to remain fruitfully invested in other walks of life, such as their work, extracurricular activities, and even social life. In this way, online classes keep school from necessarily being one’s singular focus, and instead allow students to help focus on the bigger picture of their lives if they prefer.

The widespread shift to online learning in recent months has meant a lot of changes—for students and educators alike. While there are real challenges associated with online classes for some, my experience teaching these classes has shown me that there are very real benefits, too—from greater accessibility, flexibility, and personalization for students to more ease and depth of communication between teachers and students. I hope that students can focus on and grow with these positives in the future months of their online learning experiences.

Stacy G. is a writer and teacher who has taught composition, literature, and creative writing courses at a number of public and private universities across the U.S. She has also taught SAT, AP English, and Literature SAT Subject Test courses at Elite Prep. She likes poetry, dogs, and poetry about dogs.

[student-by-day]

back-to-school tools

‘tis the season again, so here are some handy websites and browser extensions i’ve discovered over the past few years that’ll hopefully make this year a bit easier for you. i’m taking high-school-level classes, but a lot of these should help with college/uni work, too!

feel free to reblog and add your own recommendations :)

the only ones you have to install and/or sign up for have an asterisk, but note that they’re all free either way.

L A N G U A G E   A R T S

planet ebook

this is my go-to for digital (and legal!) classic literature. i download the pdf files and upload them to places like one note to annotate, but epub and mobi versions are also available if you prefer those. no need to break your back over hauling textbooks and your required readings!

audible stories

this doesn’t have the widest selection of audio books, but it definitely has its uses! there are a lot of classics on there, which could come in handy for a literature or english class.

easybib

this is the best citation tool ever. i love that i can choose which style i want to use and what kind of media i’m researching with (books, journals, websites, etc.). if i need to, i can go in and edit any (citation) category i want, but that isn’t usually necessary because it can find stats that even i can’t while looking at the source. enter some info, copy ‘n paste the works cited list to your paper, and you’re done!

i recommend the web version and not the google docs add-on because the add-on doesn’t let you customize your citations

gradeproof* or grammarly*

these are both grammar/spelling checkers that provide plenty of stats, which are most useful for speeches. you can use these to see your character count, word count, number of sentences, syllables per word, words per sentence, readability, grade level, reading time, speaking time, etc.

wordcounter

this is a great alternative if you can’t/don’t want to install gradeproof or grammarly.

powerthesaurus

this is my go-to thesaurus... it has a ton of features if you go on the website (it’s not just for synonyms, though those are seemingly endless!). plus, if i don’t want to open a new tab, i can use the extension in my toolbar to see a brief list!

just a word of caution: look up any words you don’t know (because if you go far enough down the list, they’re not completely relevant anymore).

onelook

i use this reverse dictionary to find the word that’s on the tip of my tongue but i just can’t name (though it has a lot more features than that!).

cueprompter

this is the perfect teleprompter for any speeches you need to record (maybe for an online graduation? a virtual debate?).

xodo*

this is a great digital annotation tool (right in your browser) for those of you who don’t have an app like goodnotes on your ipad. you can upload files from your google drive, your device, or dropbox and draw on them, type notes, add comments, highlight, choose different underline patterns, add shapes/arrows, etc. all while customizing opacity, thickness, and colors. you’re also able to zoom in/out, change page width, rotate the page, change your layout (pdf, book, magazine), and choose a transition style.

A R T

canva*

i love this site to death---if you haven’t heard of it yet, what are you doing?? i can design everything from a resume to a powerpoint to a school dance flyer on this thing! there are beautiful templates to choose from, but if that’s not your thing (it isn’t mine either), then there are millions of photos, doodles, graphics, fonts, borders, backgrounds, etc. to choose from. plus, you can even upload your own content. (i designed the header for this post on there!)

F O R E I G N   L A N G U A G E S

typeit

i hate having to remember all the keyboard shortcuts for special characters, so i just copy and paste from this international keyboard. choose a language, and you’re good to go. :)

audible stories

did i put this in two different categories? yes. audible stories has free audio books in english, spanish, french, german, portuguese, italian, dutch, and japanese! i recommend finding a children’s audiobook on there in your target language and pulling up an ebook online so you can improve your listening and comprehension skills. there’s no need to download any content, and it still saves your spot (even once you close the tab), which is a lifesaver!

duolingo*

i think we all know by now that this site is good for practicing your sentence-writing skills and gaining a little extra vocab. keep in mind that this only helps if you take notes on your mistakes and type answers out yourself as opposed to mindlessly clicking through multiple choice questions! duolingo stories are also great for working on your listening comprehension skills and some immersion.

linguno*

i use this site for conjugations because that’s its main asset, but there are other things you can look into if you like. i love that i can choose a section and a level (ex: a1 level one, a1 level two, a1 level three, etc.) or add my own list of words. the rest is super customizable too! you can also choose which tenses you want to work on and what set of pronouns you want to focus on (for example, european spanish uses “vosotros” while latin american spanish does not).

S C I E N C E

molview

build your own molecules or search ones that already exist to explore what they’re used for, their structure, their composition, 2-d/3-d models, formulas, molecular weight, etc.

ptable

this dynamic periodic table has a million features for each element, which makes it perfect for researching and figuring out why the table is laid out the way it is.

phet

this is basically a virtual stem lab---atom-builders, circuit-builders, wave simulations, and interactive tools galore! it covers physics, chemistry, biology, math, and html5, though i’ve only used first three categories, so i can’t exactly recommend the others.

M A T H

geogebra or desmos

these babies are graphing tools perfect for checking functions and all that jazz (they’re basically the exact same except geogebra has a couple more bells and whistles).

symbolab

use this to check your answers and review the steps if you’re stuck! when it gets into some nitty-gritty stuff, you have to have the paid plan to see some of the steps, but i think it’s helpful enough that you can stick with the free version. it covers pre-alg, alg, pre-calc, calc, functions, matrices & vectors, geometry, trig, stats, physics, chem, finance, conversions, etc. (i use this to avoid silly mistakes and the ixl rage that follows haha).

mathway*

this is very similar to symbolab except that it doesn’t show any steps at all unless you pay for a plan. you can use this for basic math, pre-alg, alg, trig, pre-calc, calc, stats, finite math, etc. as a cross-checker in case symbolab is being funky.

[gryphonlover]

As it turns out, it's just me and one other student in this class.

Honestly, I'm just glad they didn't cancel it at this point.

[vitcrias]

vitória madalena de bragança ( a deeper look )

BASIC INFORMATION

FULL NAME : vitória madalena de bragança

MEANING :

vitória: the portuguese form of victoria, meaning victory in latin.

madalena: named for mary magdalene of the new testament ; portuguese form of magdalena, derived from the latinate form magdalene from a title meaning of magdala, a town on the sea of galilee ; magdala meaning tower in hebrew.

bragança: from the place name braga, capital city of the district of braga in portugal ; derived from bracari, the celtic tribe in the region, and the latin brigantia. current ruling dynastic house of portugal.

MONIKERS / NICKNAMES : vi, lena, vivi ( family & close friends ), the rose of portugal ( court )

TITLE : infanta of portugal

GENDER & PRONOUNS :

cisgender female

she / hers

ETHNICITY : white european & african black

DATE OF BIRTH & AGE : january 28th, 1536 / twenty-three

ZODIAC SIGN : aquarius

ORIENTATION : bisexual biromantic

MARITAL STATUS : unmarried

OCCUPATION : princess of portugal, patron of the arts

CURRENT LOCATION : castelgrande castle, switzerland

BACKGROUND

PLACE OF BIRTH : lisboa, portugal

RESIDENCES : paço da ribeira

RELIGIOUS VIEWS : roman catholicism

EDUCATION : vitória was educated in the humanistic method as befitting a princess of her time, and her lessons included etiquette, linguistics, religion, literature, mathematics, law, and philosophy, as well as equestrian skills, dancing, singing, and music ( the clavichord, music reading, and composition ). additionally, she was taught needlepoint, embroidery, and sewing, though, like mathematics, were not her favourite. while not necessarily hammered with the responsibility of ruling like her older sister or brother, she was given an education that would prepare her for diplomacy and becoming a consort.

an active girl, she is both a graceful dancer and skilled equestrian. she has also cultivated a passion for the arts and humanities, and enjoys both reading ( spiritual, philosophical, and renaissance works ) and writing. she's also skilled at languages.

LANGUAGES SPOKEN : portuguese ( native ), latin ( fluent ), spanish ( fluent ), german ( fluent ),  english ( conversational ), italian ( conversational ), french ( conversational ), arabic ( learning ), mandarin ( learning )

ALLEGIANCES :

house of bragança

the holy roman empire & its allies

FAMILY :

king joão of portugal ( father )

queen carlota of barcelos ( mother, deceased )

beatriz of portugal, queen of spain ( sister )

prince sebastião ( brother )

infante antónio, governor-geral of brazil ( brother )

OTHER FAMILIAL RELATIONS :

archduchess louisa of portugal ( aunt )

grand duchess augusta of styria ( cousin )

grand duke lucas of carinthia ( cousin )

archduke augustinus of bavaria-munich ( uncle )

king alonso of spain ( brother-in-law )

tomás, duke of barcelona ( brother-in-law )

infanta luciana ( sister-in-law, deceased )

infanta mariana ( sister-in-law )

infanta teresa ( sister-in-law )

manuel, prince of asturias ( nephew )

infante cristóbal ( nephew )

infante miguel ( nephew )

infanta inés ( niece )

infanta carlota ( niece )

APPEARANCE

FACECLAIM : greta onieogou

HAIR COLOUR / STYLE : black in color. prefers to wear her hair loose and down, but will also wear it done up and covered as befitting the fashion of the time.

EYE COLOUR / SHAPE : dark brown, balanced and rounded. has a bright, curious gaze.

HEIGHT : 1.73 m / 5'8’’

BUILD : slender and tall ; lean from dancing and horseback riding. excellent posture. known for her height — it is one of her most recognizable features.

SPEECH STYLE : pleasing to the ear and marked by a portuguese accent that bleeds into the other languages she speaks. when speaking freely, she talks quickly and animatedly ; she has a voice full of passion that pitches and rises with enthusiasm. tends to use hand gestures when particularly emotional. among most, she tries to keep her tone measured and polite to match the demeanor of a proper, elegant woman.

RECOGNIZABLE MARKINGS : none of note

BEAUTY HABITS : bathes regularly. enjoys floral and herbal scents in her soaps and perfumes, and is also partial to spice and citrus. follows the fashion trends of portuguese court ; likes vivid, colorful fabrics and jewelry. uses lotions and balms to clarify and cleanse skin and makes use of cosmetics, especially vermillion for red lips and blush.

PERSONALITY

TROPES : brainy brunette, spoiled sweet, spirited young lady, caged bird metaphor

INSPIRATIONS : isabella of portugal ( history ), elizabeth bennet ( pride & prejudice ), belle ( beauty and the beast )

MBTI : enfp-t

ENNEAGRAM : type 6 ; the loyalist

ALIGNMENT : lawful good

TEMPERAMENT : sanguine ( melancholic secondary )

HOGWARTS HOUSE : ravenclaw

POSITIVE TRAITS : genial, kind, intelligent, vivacious, passionate, sincere, tenacious

NEGATIVE TRAITS : ambivalent, forthright, doubting, insecure, reticent, jaded, resentful

HABITS : hand gestures when speaking, fiddling with rings or necklaces when nervous or impatient, picking at loose threads.

HOBBIES : reading, writing ( poetry, letters, prose ), music ( clavichord & composition ), horseback riding, dancing, archery, chess, philanthropy & charity. enjoys the sun and outdoors.

USUAL DEMEANOR : among court, she is affable and gregarious ; a softened version of herself. displays an air of amiability, yet can’t quite match up to demure or gentle. she has a tendency to become animated when she talks about what she loves, but depending on the company, she’s quick to temper her enthusiasm once she realizes it. her truest self is bold, inquisitive, and spirited, though she feels like she must temper this to fit into the role of the perfect lady.

HEALTH

PHYSICAL AILMENTS : none of note. aside from summer fevers she suffered from as a child, she has been blessed with fairly good health.

NEUROLOGICAL CONDITION : growing up, she was capricious and energetic, failing to sit still during lessons unless she enjoyed them. ( luckily for her tutors, she liked most of them. ) she is still rather emotional, though has become better at concealing changes of mood to the point of pretending nothing is wrong when that might not be the case. indecisive and uncertain, she doubts herself constantly, and it doesn’t help she feels as if she doesn’t have many to turn to. she believes her siblings and father are too busy to be concerned with her problems, and knows almost every portuguese noblewoman is only helping her for their own gain. she will sometimes fall into periods of melancholy because of this, and her brightness can be quickly dimmed without notice.

PHOBIAS : fear of failure

ALLERGIES : none

SLEEPING HABITS : she tries to get a restful amount of sleep ( per the directions of her physician ), though she doesn’t always succeed. has stayed up late one too many times, whether due to festivities or being unable to put a book down. averages 6-10 hours of sleep a night, and doesn’t fall asleep easily. the type to overthink the day’s events and race through a number of thoughts and ideas while in bed.

SOCIABILITY : an ambivert. she enjoys the company of others, and is eager to meet new people and learn about the world, but also needs time to herself and her hobbies. at her core, she is an adventurous, curious soul, and this bleeds into her interactions with others. she likes honest, lively conversation and wit, especially if her companion shares common interests. finds small talk a chore she must endure for the sake of propriety.

ADDICTIONS : none of note. though she enjoys alcohol and merriment, she prefers her mind sharp and to be aware of her surroundings. she doesn’t particularly like the feeling of being drunk, anyway. however, her ladies-in-waiting would say she can get too absorbed in whatever might be occupying her mind at the moment — be it a piece of literature, a song she wants to learn, or prose she wishes to write — to the detriment of her sleep and health.

[suchamiracle-does-exist]

The beauty of art presented in Medici: The Magnificent (2018).

Most of the scenes of the second season of the Medici series were filmed in real Renaissance palaces and churches in Italy. Of course many of the locations don’t correspond to historical reality, because many of the places where the story is set (1469-1478) no longer exist or have been heavily reworked over the centuries. Obviously the private rooms of the main characters have not been preserved. The shots of Florence’s gate and walls are in fact the gate and walls of Volterra, which are better conserved. The exterior shots of Palazzo Vecchio in Florence would have been too complicated to make because of the swarming tourists, the shots were made at the Palazzo dei Priori in Volterra, which is the oldest town hall in Tuscany and has a striking resemblance to the Palazzo Vecchio.

However the series tries to be historically accurate in order to create a vision for a viewer of the time of Lorenzo the Magnificent. The aerial shots of the hills and castles, the interior shots and especially the glimpses of the artworks are the gems of the series.

The horse statue presented in Palazzo Pazzi and the palace interiors are obviously built for the series, because there is not a horse statue in the real Palazzo Pazzi and the palace itself differs from the fiction. The statue has possibly got influences from Donatello’s Equestrian Statue of Gattamelata (1453) in Padua or Giambologna’s Equestrian Statue of Cosimo I de’ Medici (1594) in Florence. 

One room in Medici Palace features many times in the series. The room with masterfully painted walls where Bianca’s and Guglielmo’s wedding ceremony is held and drunken Giuliano is having a conversation with her mother. The scenes are shot in The Magi Chapel in Palazzo Medici Riccardi in Florence. Benozzo Gozzoli was commissioned by Cosimo de’ Medici to decorate the chapel. Procession of the Magi (1459-1460) portrays the Medici family and illustrious personalities. The most presented part of the work in the series is the Procession of the Young King on the east wall. Palazzo Medici Riccardi serves as a museum today.

Sandro Botticelli’s Venus and Mars (c. 1485) painted with tempera and oil on poplar, was probably a piece of bedroom furniture. The ’spalliera’, a backboard from a chest or day bed or a piece of wainscot. The wasps ('vespe' in Italian) at the top right suggest a link with the Vespucci family, though they may be no more than a symbol of the stings of love. The burning painting is a fictional scene. The painting exists in the National Gallery in London.

The decorations on Lorenzo’s bedroom walls are Pietro Perugino’s frescoes (1496-1500) in the moneychangers’ halls of Collegio del Cambio, which is an old seat of Moneychangers’ Guild in Perugia. The ornamentation is in the audience hall (Sala di Udienza). The detail seen here is called Famous Men of Antiquity. Today the place serves as a museum Nobile Collegio del Cambio in Perugia.

Sandro Botticelli’s La Primavera (c. 1480) painted with tempera on panel, was created for Lorenzo di Pierfrancesco de’ Medici, a cousin of Lorenzo the  Magnificent. The painting’s Three Charities symbolize a human love. The God Mercury intents to dispel the clouds to preserve an eternal spring. Although the complex meaning of the composition remains a mystery, the painting is a celebration of love, peace, and prosperity. The sketches are obviously fictional. La Primavera exhibits at Galleria degli Uffizi in Florence.

Sandro Botticelli’s Fortitude (1470) painted with tempera on panel, is Botticelli’s one of the earliest known works. It was part of a set of seven panels representing Virtues, commissioned by the Court of Mercanzia in 1470 to be placed in the Hall of Mercanzia located in the Piazza della Signoria. The other six panels are painted by Pietro Pollaiolo's workshop. Fortitude’s young woman wearing armour over her graceful dress alludes to strength and perseverance in the pursuit of good. Considering that Piero de’ Medici died in 1469, it is highly unlikely that he could have seen this painting. The painting is housed in Galleria degli Uffizi in Florence.

Vespucci’s salone decorations are the Saint Vincent polyptych (c. 1460-1470) consisting of six panels by Portuguese painter Nuño Gonçalves. The detail seen here is The Archbishop panel. The polyptych contains a superb gallery of highly individualized portraits of members of the court, including a presumed self-portrait. The panels are in Museu Nacional de Arte Antiga in Lisbon, Portugal.

Donatello’s bronze statue David (c. 1440-1460) was presumably commissioned by Cosimo de’ Medici and placed in the center of the courtyard of Palazzo Medici. The statue was originally placed on top of a pedestal, so the viewer would be looking up at it from below. While Medici family were exiled from Florence in 1494, some works such as David were transferred to the Palazzo della Signoria. Today David remains in Museo Nazionale del Bargello in Florence. The scene with David statue was shot in a courtyard of Palazzo Piccolomini in Pienza.

The Last Judgement painting on a corridor of duke Galeazzo Maria Sforza in Milan is apparently filmed in Palazzo Te in Mantua, where all the Milanese court scenes were filmed. The corridor scene might have filmed inside of North wing of Palazzo Te.

[hugopaquete]

Composition 01: Apoapsis, Hugo Paquete. 2019 Duration: 18:12 min Multichannel fixed composition. The composition Apoapsis by Hugo Paquete developed at Zkm / Hertz Labor in 2019. Explores the idea of distance between oblique orbital points and paths, tensions and attractions between sound bodies of different granular scales that are shaped by impulses and percussive impacts. A wrapped universe of constant interactions where musical forms, sound masses and noises develop various attractions and repulsion in constant micro rithmic and harmonic turbulence. The Apoapsis concept comes from the term "apsis" which is the farthest point from the center of attraction: the high point in an orbit. This concept is fundamental to understand the work, considering that its production involved a complex system of hardware and software to generate a sonification that involves collecting in real-time “data” from satellites to convert this “data” into musical models and expressive sound forms. Thus, there is a direct relationship between the movement of commercial and military satellites and the sound generated in this work, the material used and the composition are self referential to the satellite movement. The satellite tracking system will be use in the future in performative live improvisations. Let us say that this work explores with satellite movement sonifications processes to rethink composition, involving “data” conversion, and objects that act in autonomous ways. The presented connections established a personal methodology to generate sound, formal and aesthetic possibilities in music interpretation, performing and notation, as well a reflection on notions of physic scales, sound space and residual sound elements. We can think of the dimension of a satellite in the cosmos, universe, in the space it occupies and its dynamic state in an unreachable landscape by the eye and the hear, just accessed and mediated by technology. I am interested in put the expansion of territory and imagination into discourse in my musical approach, transforming these ideas, in musical methodologies to compose and perform, extrapolation macro and micro sound, explored with sound spacialization resembling the satellites orbits. In this point, bringing the scientific and technological imagination, the fields of invisibility and deafness, and the mediation with the hyper-optic and hyper-sonic technology that we use to access other levels of sensitive experience, building interdisciplinary meninges in contemporary music and performance art practices in sound art. Turning to a sound that seeks an extreme in its granular, microscopic and impermissible representations, bringing the opposites of the scales from the macro to the micro, as spaces that mediate an entire invisibility and deafness of vibrating occult forces in the liminal perception. (Paquete,2019) Composition 02: Periapsis, Hugo Paquete. 2019 Duration: 30:28 min Multichannel fixed composition. Concept: The composition Periapsis by Hugo Paquete developed at Zkm / Hertz Labor in 2019. It is a composition that relates to another one called Apoapsis, Hugo Paquete, 2019. The concept of Periapsis can be understood as for an object moving in an elliptical orbit about another celestial body, the point of closest approach is called the periapsis. The presented concept of elliptic trajectories in the two pieces was used to develop an oblique strategy to structured the music piece, and exist a direct relationship with the pitch variations and the spacialization sound approach. Both pieces use a sophisticated satellite tracking system defined as, hardware and software, build especificly for the project that converts the movement of commercial or military satellites into midi and cc messages. The “Data” generated by the satellites is converted in real time and used to compose the two music pieces, using a set of sound libraries specifically designed to work and interact with this “data” generating a musical translation. The two works explore a dramatic aesthetic, with dynamic temporal formulas, spatial variations, timpani variations and collisions between pitch, harmonic expansions and noise that generate a granular turbulence in the space. Where masses of sound generate a granulation effect through which impulses traverse, freeze and ar transformed into residual elements of pitch fragmentation and expansions. The sensation is intense, and the sound is modulated and shapes us in a complex way, with its multiple sound directions wen presented in a multichannel sound system, in that moment, we can perceive the formal directions of rapid attacks and eccentric tympanic transitions crossed by a shower of white, pink and brown noise like meteorites or grit of sand. This granular effects generate an elemental rhythmic times shifts exploring relations of actions and reaction in a micro level of sound perception. In this work I put in practice some concepts which I am dealing and exploring in my music and composition methodologies, building dynamic and detailed micro-temporal sound-events that deals with residual sound-events and ideas of micro-rithmic collisions, orbits, obliquity and data-sound events mediated by sonification processes. The detail is a very important factor in my composition and sound work to build complex sound experiences. Is important as a sound artist demonstration mastery in the way I sculpts time and sound-events, stablishing modulations in time, musical forms with meaning that can network with the listener and the surrounding worls in a complex way. (Paquete,2019) These two multichannel sound compositions are part of a performative experiment, they need to be understand as on piece with related parts, that can be fragmented and reshaped in different ways wen performed in real time with the tracking satellite system controlling analogue and virtual hardware and software in the context of performance. They were developed using sonifications movement data collected from commercial and military satellites converted to sounds by a sonification process using the latitude, longitude and the azimuth, Using special design hardware and software developed for this project in partnership with my collaborators Christopher Zlaket (1992) of Arizona State University, specialized in interface design and David Stingley (1993) of MIT, specialized in computer science, as well as sound libraries, virtual instruments and other technical and conceptual models to achieve the desired result in terms of sound composition and aesthetic effect. The project was developed with the support and funding of the European i-Portunus project. Also with the collaboration of EMERGE - Contemporary Art Agency. I also acknowledge the FCT: Portuguese Fundação para a Ciência e a Tecnologia which support me as a researcher. Thanks to ZKM/HERTZ-Labor for all the support and collaboration. The project was develop in the ZKM/ Center for Art and Media Karlsruhe in the Hertz Labor music department. This project is a development of a theoretical research that was published in book: Cinema Avanca International Conference 2017, Edition: Cine-Clube de Avanca, Chapter: Cinema - Art, Publisher: Cine-Clube de Avanca, Editors: Cine-Clube de Avanca, pp.240-250 Hugo PAQUETE, Adérito Fernandes-MARCOS, Paulo Bernardino BASTOS, “Dromologia dos corpos orbitais: Projeto de desenvolvimento de hardware e estratégias de composição sonora”, Encontro Internacional “#18.ART: DA ADMIRÁVEL ORDEM DAS COISAS: arte, emoção e tecnologia, Portugal. 2019 The project explore two different level of invisibility one suspended in the space “big scale” and the other “microbiological scale” and I want generate a work that represent this to level of realism. Part of this project was published In book: 16th International Meeting of Art and Technology: #16.ART: Artis intelligentia: IMAGINING THE REAL, Edition: i2ADS – Instituto de Investigação em Arte, Design e Sociedade, Chapter: Artist Talk, Publisher: i2ADS – Instituto de Investigação em Arte, Design e Sociedade, Editors: i2ADS – Instituto de Investigação em Arte, Design e Sociedade, pp.1055-1057.

[soflsms]

   ( sorry  I'm  late  to  the  party  im  in  pst  so  i  was  at  work  til  now  sdkfjl )  ANYWHO  hi  pals  what  the  h*ck  is  up  !!  im  chloe  ,  im  21  ,  i  use  she / her  pronouns  &  im  a  broke  a$$  geography  major  !!   i  am  SO  excited  to  be  her  &  get  to  rp  with  all  y’all  bc  judging  by  your  apps  skdflj  i  fuck  with  u  all  .  anywho  ill  stop  my  rambling  ,  below  the  readmore  is  stuff  about  sofie  &  some  wcs !!  

trigger  warning  !!  sex  work  ,  deportation  ,  neglect  ,  bad  writing  ,  alcoholism  &  substance  abuse

HAILEY BALDWIN  /  SHE/HER  /  TWENTY TWO  /  BILLIE EILISH VC

welcome to los angeles , sofie almeda ! the glitterati has been watching you . rumour has it you made your first mark in the industry two years ago & that your net worth currently stands at  8m . it seems as though you’re enjoying being a  singer since relocating from  harlem , new york city . some might say you’d be a good fit for the glitterati due to your hollywood ranking being a solid  #3, & it helps that fans speak so highly of your  individualistic & assiduous ways . unfortunately , our sources cite that those closest to you aren’t particularly impressed with your  self-destructive & choleric tendencies .

stats

name  :   sofie sydney almeda

nicknames  :   sof

age  :  twenty - two  .

birthday  :  december  eleventh  .

zodiac  :  sagittarius  .

gender  :  cisfemale  (  though  doesn’t  vibe  with  the  idea  of  being  STRICTLY  a  WoMaN  ,  she  finds  labels  restrictive  )  .

pronouns  :  she    &    her  .

height  :  5 ′ 6 ″  .

hometown  :    recife  ,  brazil  &  harlem  ,  new  york  city  .

nationality  :  american  ,  brazilian  .

ethnicity  :  english  ,  portuguese   .

label(s)  :  the  venereal  ,  the  bellwether  ,  the  opulent  ,   the  anaxiphile   .

occupation  :  singer  (  vc  billie  eilish  )  .  

quirks  :  fidgeting  ,  allergic  to  shellfish  ,  walks  quickly  ,  cracks  knuckles  ,  always  wears  her  lucky  ‘  st  christopher  ’  necklace  from  her  grandmother  ,  has  a  weird  ability  to  talk  herself  out  of  trouble  ,  can  tie  a  cherry  stem  in  her  mouth  ,  messy  emotionally  but  on - point  physically  ,  vvv  bad  driver  ,  loves  a  good  theme  party  ,  can’t  get  through  the  day  without  multiple  cups  of  coffee  ,  refuses  to  wear  glasses  in  public  even  though  she’s  quite  far - sighted  ,  always  carries  hand  sanitizer ,  prefers  rain  over  sunshine  .

background

         her  mother  ,  marcia  almeda  ,  was  a  recent  graduate  from  secondary  school  who  packed  a  backpack  and  went  traveling !! before  long  tho  she  ended  up  knocked  up  by  another  backpacker  ,  this  one  american  ,  while  they  were  having  a  fling  in  sydney  (  hence  sofie’s  middle  name  lmao  @  her  mom’s  humor  )  .  she  flew  back  home  when  she  found  out  &  never  told  sofie’s  father  oops !! so  marcia  had  sofie  at  home  in  recife  just  before  her  nineteenth  birthday  ,  and  marcia  was  enthralled  w  little  sofie  .  ofc  she  inherited  her  mother’s  beauty  (  i  hc  marcia  looks  like  alessandra  ambrosio  bc  hello !  )  &  little  sofie  lived  a  happy  early  childhood  life  in  her  grandparents’  home  in  recife.

         brazil  isn’t  the  safest  of  countries  &  marcia  didn’t  want  the  same  dangers  she  experienced  growing  up  for  her  young  daughter  ,  so  around  sofie’s  eighth  birthday  ,  her  &  her  mother  packed  up  and  went  on  a  ‘ trip  ’  to  new  york  city  .  joke’s  on  sofie  ,  though  -  it  wasn’t  actually  a  trip  ,  but  rly  they  were  trying  to  move  there  to  find  sofie’s  father  to  confirm  his  paternity  and  get  sofie  american  citizenship  .  it  was  proving  more  difficult  than  she  thought  ,  &  marcia  was  quickly  running  out  of  money  .  with  a  face  like  hers  ,  though  ,  making  money  wasn’t  too  difficult  ,  but  it  was  time  consuming  .  marcia  found  herself  escorting  older  men  in  order  to  pay  the  bills  ,  all  the  while  leaving  little  sofie  to  fend  for  herself  .  some  of  her  earliest  memories  are  of  strange  men  in  their  tiny  apartment  &  sofie  trying  to  block  out  their  conversations  with  her  lil  cassette  player  hiding  in  the  corner  of  her  room  .  eventually  ,  marcia  was  able  to  contact  the  father  &  they  set  up  a  meeting  .  sofie  had  gotten  her  hopes  up  that  she  would  finally  have  a  dad  (  she  got  dressed  up  in  her  sunday  best  &  everything  bc  reuniting  her  dad  was  a  BIG  deal  ) ,  but  the  meeting  ended  up  being  a  quick  exchange  of  words  ,  a  mouth  swab  and  a  couple  signatures  .  sofie  never  even  learned  his  name  ,  & this  queued  up  a  lifetime  of  daddy  issues  &  distrust  of  men  !!

        while  marcia  was  able  to  stay  in  america  much  longer  than  she  was  legally  supposed  to  ,  eventually  she  was  facing  deportation  ,  which  meant  lil  sofie  ,  with  her  citizenship  finally  confirmed  ,  was  put  into  the  hands  of  her  father  who  sent  off  to  an  american  boarding  school  in  new  york  without  even  contacting  her  .  she  would  spend  the  summers  in  brazil  with  her  mother  or  ,  as  she  got  older  ,  couch - surfing  with  different  friends  throughout  the  months  .  she  started  growing  apart  from  her  mother  as  she  aged  since  she  wasn’t  going  home  every  summer  since  she  didn’t  rly  feel  any  connection  to  brazil  .  her  grandfather  had  passed  away  &  she  only  has  faint  memories  grandmother  ,  plus  the  city  wasn’t  at  all  familiar  to  her  &  she  wasn’t  practicing  her  portuguese  after  her  mother  returned  to  brazil  .

         through  it  all  ,  music  was  proving  to  be  the  one  constant  in  her  life  she  could  use  to  escape  from  reality  .  she  had  never  done  any  training  or  classes  ,  but  she  just  liked  singing  along  to  whatever  was  on  the  radio  & practicing  on  her  own  .  she  also  found  a  passion  for  writing  poetry  which  she  later  would  realize  was  compatible  with  music  .  she  would  spend  HOURS  in  the  school  library  working  on  garage  band  lmfao  bc  she  couldn’t  afford  her  own  laptop  to  produce  music  &  her  dad  sent  just  enough  money  as  he  was  legally  supposed  to  .  but  she  worked  her  lil  tushy  off  &  applied  to  a  music  academy  in  nyc  &  was  rejected  the  first  year  (  DEVASTATING  when  mixed  with  her  impostor  syndrome  &  daddy  issues ) but  she  practiced  more  &  more  &  edned  up  getting  accepted  the  next  year  .  here  ,  she  worked  on  her  vocal  skills  &  music  production  ,  &  started  accumulating  her  own  music  &  selling  songs  to  music  producers  on  the  side  for  some  ca$h  money  .  

          by  the  time  she  was  16  the  state  decided  she  was  old  /  mature  enough  to  live  on  her  own  so  she  got  a  TINY  lil  studio  apartment  in  harlem  where  she’d  grown  up  with  her  mum  &  she  had  friends  who  she’d  grown  up  with  .  while  it  wasn’t  the  safest  neighbourhood  statistically  sofie  felt  safe  &  just  like  one  of  the  neighbourhood  kids  .  it  was  the  first  time  she  genuinely  felt  like  she  belonged .

        she  was  accepted  on  full  scholarship  to  nyu  & majored  in  music  composition  &  vocal  performance  where  she  started  finally  feeling  secure  in  herself  &  released  her  own  music  on  soundcloud  ,  quickly  amassing  a  following  &  becoming  an  ‘ up  &  coming ‘  artist  !!  she  was  contacted  by  a  scooter  braun  type  guy  who  was  interested  in  taking  her  on  under  his  management  so  she  dropped  out  of  uni  in  her  2nd  year  (  bc  tbh  her  grades  in  anything  other  than  her  music  classes  were  v  subpar  )  .  soon  enough  producers  wanted  to  work  with  her  &  she  was  making  enough  that  she  didn’t  have  to  sell  her  songs  which  she  hated  doing  but  had  to  pay  the  bills  u  know  .  oh  &  her  vc  is  billie  eilish  bc  ofc  shes  my  queen  go  stream  when  we  all  fall  asleep  where  do  we  go  on  spotify  u  won’t  be  disappointed  

        she  also  started  getting  into  the  partying  scene  here  yikes  !! it  was  a  method  for  her  to  numb  all  her  pain  from  her  past  &  impostor  syndrome  &  drown  all  that  out  in  pills  or  tequila  .  it  rly  wasn’t  healthy  bc  of  how  she  would  binge  for  a  weekend  then  try  to  stay  sober  throughout  the  week  but  failing  by  about  wednesday when  she  started  to  feel  hollow  .  she  wasn’t  gonna  be  a  one  hit  wonder  &  her  mom  sure   as  hell  didn’t  go  through  all  that  trouble  just  for  sofie  to  be  a  nobody  addict  !! so  she  kept  it  together  enough  to  start  making big  bucks  & well  …….  here  she  is  :~)

personality

        sofie  blames  it  on  her  brazilian  heritage  but  this  bitch  loves  a  party  !!  like  shes  the  one  who  gets  happy drunk  at  the  pre  then  is  the  first  on  the  dance  floor  then  later  falls  out  of  the  club  &  into  some  rando’s  bed !!  in  the  back  of  her  mind  she  knows  her  drug  &  alcohol  use  is  self - destructive  but  she  figures  shes  allowed  to  let  loose  sometimes (  even  if  that  ends  up  being  most  nights  )  ;  rly  she’s  just  in  denial  bc  she  doesn’t  want  to  change  her  ways  &  lose  her  identity  !!

        doesn’t  put  labels  on  her  gender  identity  or  sexual orientation  .  she  finds  them  restrictive  &  useless  for  herself  ,  labels  would  only  be  to  satisfy  others  .  she  doesn’t  see  herself  as  110%  female  either  like  she’s  all about  gender  being  a  social  construct  /  a  spectrum  ;  some  days  she’ll  get  dolled  up  &  wear  heavy  makeup  &  six  inch  heels  ,  some  days  she’ll  walk  around  in  a  bun  &  tracksuit  &  trainers  .  anyone  who  asks  abt  it  will  swiftly  get  2  middle  fingers  in  their  face  !! shes  uncontrollable  i  swear

         puts  up  a  tough  bad - ass  front  like  billie  does aksjdh  like  nah  nothing  can  hurt  me  im  bulletproof  !!  but  is  rly  just  kinda  broken  underneath  .  she  doesn’t  even  let  her  closest  friends  know  how  hurting  she  is  bc  she  doesn’t  wanna  burden  them  .  she  rly  uses  mmusic  as  an  outlet  tho  so  she’ll  act  totally  tough  then   go  to  the  studio  &  record  all  about  her  heartache  .  will  NEVER  let  someone  see  her  cry  no  matter  how  close  she  is  with  them  .  she  rly  sees  it  as  a  sign  of  weakness  &  shes  in  a  much  better  place  than  she  was  5  years  ago  so  she  figures  she’s  not  ALLOWED  to  feel  anything  but  grateful  .  

         this  bitch  overthinks  everything  !! half  the  time  she  isn’t  rly  listenning  to  whoever  bc  she’s  thinking  about  what  they  just  said  &  if  they’re  mad  with  her  .  she’s  that  friend  who  will  ask  u  to  come  over  to  formulate  the  perfect  text  response  &   fuss  over  it  for  hours  .  that  being  said  ,  if  someone  talks  shit  abt  anyone  shes  tight  with  ,  they’re  gonna  get  it  the  next  time   she  sees  them  .  she  isn’t  about  violence  &  would  never  get  into  a  physical  fight  ,  but  she’d  work  behind  the  scenes  to  ruin  their  life  .  but  then  she  pretends  like  she  rly  doesn’t  care  though  its  obvious  to  those  close  to  her  that  she  cares  way  too  much

has  a  very  hard  time  expressing  love  bc  she  didn’t  have  much  practice  w  it  growing  up  .  she  was  on  her  own  most  of  her  young  life  so  even  if  her  mom  would  tell  her   te  amo  she  would  be  like  uh  huh  gtg  bye !!  

tldr ;  poor  bitch  w  abandonment  issues  who  was  able  to  get  out  of  it  by  channeling  her  energy  into  music  &  numbing  the  stress  with  pills  or  alcohol  which  she  def  still overuses  but  she  doesn’t  think its  a  problem  !! yikeroony  !!  loves  partying  & having  a  good  time  ,  puts  up  a  tough  front  but  is  rly  soft  underneath  .

wanted (* = mw)

friends  from  high  school  !! -  people  sof  stayed  with  in  the  summer  bc  she  wasn’t  going  home  to  brazil  .  

friends  from  music  school  !!  -  she  def  felt  like  an  outsider  among  the  music  prodigies  at  this  school  ,  &  maybe  this  person  was  one  of  the  ppl  she  actually  connected  with  . 

come  out  &  play  !!  this  person  acts  as  a  good  influence  to  sofie  .  they’re  level - headed  &  very  grounding  ,  &  sofie  doesn’t  let  it  show  but  they’re  really  important  to  her  .  this  is  the  Softest  billie  song  (  prob  bc  it  was  for  an  ad skdj )  &  they  inspired  it  bc  it’s  how  she  feels  when  shes with  them  .  they  encourage  her  to  be  all  that  she  can  be  &  they  believe  in  her  ,  &  they’re  prob  the  one  person  sofie  trusts  the  most  which  is  SAYING  something  !!

*exes  on  bad  terms  !!  -   ok  this  would  basically  be  based  on  all  the  songs  billie  has  about  a  failed  relationship  /  heartbreak  !! shes  got  a  bunch  .  im  thnking  maybe  she  was  actually  rly  into  them  but  had  a  hard  time  expressing  it  bc  she’s never  been  good  with  emotional  expression  ,  &  it  led  to  the  relationship  feeling ?? unfaithful  /  disconnected  ??  idk  but  she  rly  loved  them  &  is  still  nursing  that  heartbreak  .  (  x  ,  x  ,  x  )

the  paris  to  her  nicole  !!  -  ok  i  f*cking  hate  that  i  said  this  but  she’s  nicole  richie  its  true  !! she  needs  a  messy  gal  pal  exactly  like  how  paris  &  nicole  are  i  stan  them  (  x  ,  x  ,  x  )

roommate  !!  -  bc  of  her  abandonment  issues  she  rly  doesn’t  like  living  alone  so  prob  is  the  roomie  who  will  sleep  in  their  bed  from  time  to  time  bc  she  doesn’t  like  being  totally  alone  .  

*when  the  party’s  over  !!  - these  two have  been  hooking  up  for  a  while  no  strings  attached  but  recently  feelings  have  been  caught  !! &  now  they  still  hook  up  quite  often  but  sofie’s  kinda  harboring  feelings &  pretending  all  is  well  but  she  rly  hopes  they’ll  just  stay  the  night  from  time  to  time  ,  &  gets  secretly  heartbroken  when  she  sees  them  flirting  or  leaving  with  someone  else  . they  can  also  have  feelings  if  u  want  that  angst :~)

fwb  !!  -  sofie  is  pretty  transparent  when  it  comes  to  what  she  wants  &  she’s  got  a  bad  habit  of  replacing  dealing  with  problems  with  getting  laid  !! like  u  know  in  movies  when  the  man  opens  his  wallet  and  a  row  of  like  20  pictures  of  different  women  fall  out  ??  that’s  sof’s  aesthetic  .  she’s  got  a  bunch  of  fwb  of  all  genders  so  bring  me  some  pls

***mutual  dislike  /  copycat  !!  self - explanatory  ,  sofie  thinks  this  person  is  copying  her  in  everything  she  does  &  thinks  its  annoying  af  so  she  wrote  a  song  abt  it  &  hopes  they  indirectly  get  the  message  even  if  she  drops  not  so  subtle  hints  .  skfldjh  itd  be  messy  pls !!

party  buddies  !!  -  someone  who  encourages  sofies  wild  ways  .  when  the  two  get  together  its  usually  to  get  drunk  or  high  &  thats  the  way  they  like  it  .  sofie  doesn’t  feel  judged  by  them  as  she  does  by  others  who  don’t  get  obliterated  at  every  social  event  (  what  an  idea  !!  )  so  she  rly  values  them  ,  even  if  she  doesn’t  express  it

 ** 8 !! - someone  who  kinda  reluctantly  got  into  a  relationship  with  sofie  out  of  maybe  a  desire  to  save  her  from  herself  ??  like  u  know  that  good  girl  bad  boy  trope  where  the  girl  tries  to  save  the  boy  from  whatever  he’s  struggling  with  ?  that’s  them  but  the  roles  are  just  reversed  -  good  guy  ,  bad  girl  .  it  was  kinda  just  filled  w  her  being  self - destructive  &  confiding  in  him  but  not  rly  reciprocating  the  care  so  he  became  kinda  distant  bc  of  it  .  tbh  she  prob  knew  he  was  too  good  for  her  but  had  a sliver  of  hope  he  wouldn’t  leave  her  even  tho  eventually  she  became  too  much  for  him  .  (  lyrics : you said, "don't treat me badly", but you said it so sadly, so I did the best I could, not thinkin' you would have left me gladly. i know you're not sorry, why should you be? 'cause who am I to be in love, when your love never is for me?” )

good influence  !! this  person  can  tell  that  her  beahvior  is  unhealthy  &  are  trying  to  gently  nudge  her  abt  it  .  she  can  tell  what  they’re  doing  but  her  addict  brain  is  telling  her  its  invasive  &  threatening  so  shes  not  the  fondest  of  this  person  ,  but  deep  down  she  really  appreciates  them

music buddies !! these  two  are  both  in  the  music  industry  &  rather  than  it  being  competitive  ,  they’ve  developed  a  friendship  from  it  & enjoy  working  together  .  

* someone  sofie  ghostwrites  for  !! for  whatever  reason  ,  this  muse  doesn’t  write  their  own  songs  & instead  pays  sofie  to  write  them  for  them  .  she  doesn’t  love  it  but  its  a  way  to  make  money  &  give  away  songs  she  doesn’t  feel  attached  to  but  are  worth  something  .  maybe  its  tense  bc  they  claim  the  songs  as  their  own  &  sofie  doesn’t  like  it  ,  this  could  be  ~escandolo~  later  !!

*** my boy ( high school bf ) !! - ok  tea  this  song  is  the  one  that  broke  her  into  the  industry  .  she  produced  it  all  herself  &  just  relased  it  to  her  soundcloud  thinking  it  wouldn’t  rly  go  anyway  but  !!  joke’s  on  yung sofie  .  essentially  he  thought  the  relationship  was  going  well  ,  she’d  met  his  family  &  they  rly  liked  her  but  !! sof  was  feeling  kinda  smothered  &  told  herself  he  was  lying &  cheating  on  her  n  shit  so  she  wrote  a  song  about  it  !! &  once  it  was  starting  to  get  attention  he  was  like  ….. uhhh  what  the  fuck  & she  was  like  haha  sorry  !! so  they  broke  up  &  ever  since  its  been  animosity ,  but  she  realizes  she  fucked  up  but  it  launched  her  career  so  she  doesn’t  know  whether  to  keep  up  the  idgaf  i  hurt  you  or  apologize  .  

* ex - friends  !!  ok  pls  i  have  this  hc  where  sofie  got  way  too  high  one  night  &  slept  with  this  person’s  dad  or  sibling  or  smth !!  u  know  that  line  in  ‘ bad guy ’  where  she  goes  ‘ might  seduce  your  dad  type  ? ’  ya  that’s  got  sofie  written  ALL  over  it  !!   &  now  they’re  not  friends  bc  sofie  can’t  keep  it  in  her  pants  but  both  sides  kinda  misses  the  other  but  are  too  stubborn  to  say  anything  :~(

exes from college / high school  !!  - ok honestly i just love all the exes plots . gimme someone who like maybe they were hooking up & decided to give it a shot dating & it worked for a while but ultimately fell apart bc of sof’s inability to open up. maybe theres still tension or maybe theyre friends now !!

* lovely  !!  -  i  need  a  male  voice  for  khalid’s  part  in  lovely  bc  i  need  this  song  in  my  life  bc  its  a  whole  ass   sofie  mood  ok  .  

i’ve  also  got  a  wanted  connections  tag  linked  HERE  dksfj there's  not  much  in  it  yet  but  feel  free  to  check  it  out  .  ok  i  love  y'all  

[phinnsyreads]

Item #: SCP-030

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-030 is to be held at Site-17 within a modified humanoid containment cell. Minor adaptations to accommodate its stature, such as an appropriately-scaled workspace and chair, are to be included. Lighting within the cell may be altered upon request of SCP-030 to a maximum of 2000 lumens via a simple dimmer switch. Should the need to render SCP-030 inert arise, staff may extinguish the lighting from the exterior switch and draw blackout curtains as necessary. Standard night-vision equipment is available for observation of SCP-030 in its inert state.

SCP-030 may request materials for personal research every 90 days. All previously requested materials are to be collected and destroyed prior to delivery of new materials. All materials are to be evaluated and screened by both research and security staff. SCP-030 is to be denied access to any modern scientific journals or texts, and fiction is to be restricted to works produced no later than 1623 CE to preserve the integrity of its innate knowledge.

Staff wishing to consult with SCP-030 in writing are to place a formal request (document #030-RS/B) with the supervising researcher on duty. All correspondence is to be retained. Staff wishing to consult with SCP-030 in person are to submit a formal request to site management (documents 030-RP/A and 17-030/A) at least 30 days prior to their preferred consultation date. All consultations are to be recorded and retained. Senior research staff may request SCP-030 be temporarily removed from its containment for a maximum of one hour to provide observational insight into non-restricted materials or events within Site-17. Under no circumstances is SCP-030 to leave the confines of Site-17. Requests must be presented in person to site management and security staff at least 30 days prior to their preferred observational release date. All observational release events are to be recorded and retained. SCP-030 has been equipped with a tracking device (inventory control code #030-17-1) so its location within Site-17 may be determined precisely at any time.

Description: SCP-030 appears as a hairless, genderless, grey-toned human 71 centimeters (28 inches) in height and weighing 12.70 kilograms (two British stone). Its solid blue eyes lack discernible irises or pupils, and resemble small cut sapphires. SCP-030 possesses an androgynous voice with a pronounced English accent not currently identifiable as specific to any modern region. It is able to converse, read and write in Ancient Greek, Latin, Italian, English, Spanish and Portuguese as well as two (2) additional languages that have not yet been identified despite SCP-030's insistence that they should be "common knowledge." SCP-030 has also demonstrated knowledge of physics, chemistry, astronomy, mathematics and horticulture roughly equivalent to that of a 17th-century CE academic. In addition, SCP-030 has demonstrated knowledge on these topics along research lines that do not appear in the historical record. These alternative or entirely unknown approaches to research in the natural sciences are one source of SCP-030's utility in consultation.

SCP-030 remains active while a 15-lumen source of light or greater is within 1.5 meters (5 feet). In the absence of light, SCP-030 becomes inert, apparently losing consciousness and showing no outward signs of life. Within five to ten (5-10) seconds of being re-exposed to light, SCP-030 becomes active once more, appearing to come out of a light slumber no matter how long the period of inactivity has been. SCP-030 does not appear to require these periods of inactivity as a human would require sleep, and has expressed a desire to remain active as often as possible.

Biopsy analysis of SCP-030 remains inconclusive. While clays native to the English counties of Kent, Surrey, and Greater London make up the majority of its structure, traces of mandrake (Mandragora officinarum), lye, mercury, and human blood have been found in each sample taken. SCP-030 has expressed that a full exploratory surgery to determine its workings would potentially end its existence. Samples removed from SCP-030 do not regenerate, and sampling is currently discontinued to preserve its integrity. Although SCP-030 can be damaged, it does not appear to feel pain, and will simply re-mold any portion of its anatomy that experiences deformation. Notably, SCP-030 cannot be molded directly by human hands, though any number of tools may be used to alter its surface. SCP-030 does not respirate, requires no sustenance, and produces no waste, although it does infrequently request a bath.

SCP-030 refers to itself as "Ariel" and regularly requests that staff do the same. Questions regarding how SCP-030 was created and by whom are routinely answered with the seemingly rote statement: "I have been asked to forget that bit of information. Terribly sorry." SCP-030 delivers this response in the same tone and cadence each time any question regarding its origins or creator are presented. Given its composition and location of origin, a link to the Alchemists of Alagadda is suspected.

SCP-030 was discovered 6/12/████ during a mandatory archaeological survey within London's Mortlake District pending construction of a car park. It was buried approximately 2.7 meters (9 feet) below street level, contained in a small stone sarcophagus. The sarcophagus bore no markings and was assumed to be that of a deceased infant as additional graves were discovered in the survey area. The sarcophagus lid was shattered during the excavation, exposing SCP-030 to daylight. Upon being struck by the sun's rays, SCP-030 roused from its inert state to one of mild activity within a few seconds, stating, "Good afternoon" to the assembled construction team. A member of the Foundation's Greater London recon force was summoned within hours and took the specimen into custody without resistance. The limited number of witnesses were given amnestics and released.

Addendum: Document 030-C: Security Logs for SCP-030

9/14/████: Tracking system installed for SCP-030.

12/21/████: SCP-030 reports malfunction of its own tracking system. Repairs completed within six (6) hours. SCP-030 offers to assist, but is refused for security purposes.

3/13/████: SCP-030 completes 18-week seminar on Unknown Language Alpha (known as "Zephyr"), five (5) staff researchers considered fluent. Lexicography transmitted to O5-█.

7/2/████: While in consultation, Researcher ██████████ inadvertently makes several remarks regarding photovoltaic technology. Consultation ended before the researcher can substantively elaborate.

8/12/████: SCP-030 requests a supply of Magnesium and indicates it intends to ignite samples to study the light produced. Request denied by researchers.

11/14/████: Incident 030-1: Using only what appears to be standard potting soil, ginger (Zingiber officinale), a 72-gram sample of rutilated quartz, and a 23 cm length of coiled copper wire, SCP-030 produces a device capable of emitting notable levels of directed ultraviolet light through unknown means. Device is confiscated. Effects not currently replicable without direct intervention from SCP-030. Researchers currently in consultation to determine if this line of SCP-030's research will be permitted to continue. It is speculated SCP-030 may be working towards an alternative and possibly anomalous manifestation of the photoelectric effect after receiving only minimal information regarding its existence. All research by SCP-030 suspended and materials removed pending review.