#portugal may not be older but he LOOKS older

[fuimus-troes]

probably another unpopular opinion of mine: spain and portugal are cousins, not brothers. they had different mothers (if they even had mothers to begin with)

[fsugirl1]

Some days are so big…so PACKED with content…so unexpectedly swoon-worthy that they demand an edition of

⭐️ FSU’s Occasional Newsletter ⭐️

Is That An Earthquake Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

The day began with a vague disturbance. Was it seismic activity? Inbox tomfoolery? A very happy birthday wake up for @lila-rae?

That last one is between her and Mr LR but

Bottom line: we could sense something coming.

It’s Not The Size Of The Entourage, It’s What You Do With It

We knew Tom was in Scotland and we figured it might be for golf but we did not know until this morning that he brought every single one of his brothers and best mates. So many of his closest dudes in one place made us 🤔

Lord knows he’s a generous friend and his circle is tight, but we wondered what they might be celebrating?

The delulu? It was percolating.

Our Italian Romance: Starring Tomdaya 🎥

We were already abuzz and the delulu was bountiful on the dash when suddenly the most cinematic and romantic photos of our favorite couple dropped. We learned they were canoodling at the gorgeous Castillo di Reschio, with such romantic activities as pasta-making (watch those fingers, Z!) and horseback riding.

And if that wasn’t enough, A POOL DATE. Both of them sunkissed and beautiful, reading books and looking like the movie stars they are.

No, your eyes don’t deceive you. They did switch books. 🫠

Every single one of us immediately wondered why our partners weren’t offering to read aloud to us in the pool at an Italian castle. But then, who hasn’t wondered that at least once?

Dad Said His Tea Was Cold But We Say It Was Piping Hot

As if we weren’t all twitterpated enough from the Italian romcom baecation pics, Zendaya’s Father In Law Dom felt like we needed a glimpse into their everyday life at home. He shared that the newest member of the Coleman-Holland family, Daphne the dog, is a “beautiful” addition to the clan and that her youthful energy has found a fast friend in her aunt Rosie, who is just a year older. Big brother and recent outcast (banished to live with Uncle Darnell, what did he do?) was said to be too old to enjoy the young pups.

Dom was feeling chatty I guess because he didn’t stop there. He went on to share that Zendaya had recently joined Nikki and Dom for dinner at the local pub.

He further said that Granny Tess, siblings, cousins, all the boys and “the dogs” would soon be accompanying him and Nikki on an anniversary celebration trip to Portugal. Dare we hope for more family photos?

Even if we don’t, that’s another bingo square, baby.

Aunt May Has Shipped It For Years

To top off the content-crazy, your favorite aunt and mine, Marisa Tomei, said at an event in Canada that one of her favorite parts of her Spider Man experience was watching Tom and Zendaya grow up and “fall in love.” 🥰

That face she’s making? The I can’t take it they’re so cute face? We were all wearing it. Even the strongest soldiers among us were grinning and kicking their feet. (We saw you, don’t try to deny it!)

While we await word from the pixel analysts on what people starring in their own epic love story read to each other on vacation, and while we bask in all the little details that make the story more real and more beautiful every day, let’s take a moment as I close to appreciate just how hot Zendaya’s back is in this dinner photo.

Until next time, remember my friends: be kind to each other. I love you. I’m wishing that each of you will find the one who thinks reading to you in the pool (Italian or otherwise) is the most perfect day.

And I hope your birthday is as filled with happy surprises as @lila-rae found hers for the third year in a row!

[apenitentialprayer]

Stone Age Childhoods

Probably the most numerous social category in any Neanderthal group was children. Born stronger than us, intense activity further toughened their little bodies. Even before the age of 10, in Uzbekistan the Teshik-Tash child's legs must have walked huge amounts, while Le Moustier 1's teenage arms were almost as muscly as an adult's. Youngsters' teeth also show them practicing or joining in with adult tasks: at Sima de los Huesos, older children and teenagers had already begun to wear off their enamel. But even the littlest ones here and elsewhere have some distinctive clamping wear, suggesting that hide working was one thing they started to help with early on. Overall, children's tooth micro-wear increases with age, but it's more complex than just greater amounts of mouth use. Micro-scratches in the young boy from El Sidrón were not only fewer but also diagonal, rather than vertical. This means he'd learned to eat like a grown-up using a lithic, but wasn't really doing a lot of other tasks with his mouth. There's a hint of the social settings where he and other children may have been learning and copying, since their overall tooth damage pattern on average resembles women's more than men's. Neanderthal children certainly learned by doing, and from birth had front row seats for most of the tasks they needed to master as adults, whether slicing fat off muscle, eating around a hearth or walking the land. There was probably some teaching for particularly complicated things, but Western standards of appropriate child safety and supervision aren't shared by all societies. In many hunter-gatherer cultures youngsters will play with sharp tools, sometimes wielding them even before they can walk, and independently forage together. But busy childhoods brought with them a high cost, which some of the youngest paid. [...] Perhaps it's not surprising that some older Neanderthals weathered wretched health. But more unexpected are quite severe injuries in some juveniles. Le Moustier 1 is a case in point: he sustained a nasty broken jaw that healed badly, and probably caused asymmetric wear on his teeth from prolonged difficulty eating. As well as potentially affecting verbal communication, this tells us it happened sometime well before his death, [which happened] between 11 and 15 years old. And even younger children were battered about. Less than a kilometre from Forbes' Quarry in Gibraltar is the Devil's Tower fissure site, explored in 1925 by a young Dorothy Garrod. What she found [...] was the remains of a child of no more than 5 years old with a broken jaw. Even more shocking, it had happened at least a couple years before, and he had also sustained later, potentially fatal skull fractures. Would such a young child have been involved in risky activities like hunting, or are we looking at accidents while unsupervised? [...] Youth for early H. sapiens people wasn't any less tough than for Neanderthals either. Another spectacular burial at Sunghir is of two children buried head-to-head. Both had more than one phase of tooth growth interruptions, and one's thigh bones were extremely short and bowed, probably from a genetic condition. The other's facial bones were also abnormal, and probably made eating difficult: they had no tooth wear, suggesting that special soft foods were provided. We can even find a match for the battered little Devil's Tower boy in the early H. sapiens skeleton of a 4- to 5-year old at Lagar Velho, Portugal. As a toddler he'd suffered a severe facial blow and healed a serious arm injury. Not long before death his teeth record several growth interruptions within a few months of each other, suggesting serious illness.

- Dr. Rebecca Wragg Sykes (Kindred: Neanderthal Life, Love, Death, and Art, pages 73-74, 79, 81-82)

[hetacupid]

Hetalia Human Names

NOTE: This is my personal interpretation and the names may diverge from canon and established fanon. Also I might update this every so often to make it more accurate, depending on the information I find.

Table of Contents

The Main Characters

Western Europe

Northern Europe

Eastern Europe

Southern Europe

Western Asia

South Asia

East Asia

Southeast Asia

Oceania

Micronations

Former nations

The Main Characters

Italy Veneziano: Feliciano Vergano

I chose the name Vergano instead as it keeps the essense of the original surname, but is actually Italian.

Italy Romano: Lovino Vergano

Germany: Ludwig Beilschmidt

Japan: Kiku Honda

Prussia: Gilbert Beilschmidt

America: Alfred Franklin Jones

I like the headcanon of his middle name being "Freedom", but Franklin is my personal favourite.

England: Arthur James Kirkland

I came across this in a fic a while back and never looked back. This man needs a middle name.

France: Francis Bonnefoy

Russia: Ivan Braginsky

China: Yao Wang

Canada: Matthew Williams

Western Europe

Austria: Roderich Edelstein

Belgium: Laura Janssens

Liechtenstein: Erika Vogel

Luxembourg: Henri Janssens

I've also used the name Gabriel before, but it doesn't seem to be used much in Luxembourg, so Henri would be more fitting.

Monaco: Louise Bonnefoy

The name Louise and it's masculine variant, Louis, appear a few times in the Monaguesque royal family.

Netherlands: Willem Janssens

Willem appears a few times in the Dutch royal family, and it sounds a bit older than other suggested names, which reflects his age and general vibes imo. I really like this name.

Switzerland: Sebastian Zwingli

Personally I see his name "Basch" as a nickname for Sebastian. It's also easy to adapt to his official languages: Sebastian/Sébastién/Sebastiano. The Romansh variant would be Bistgaun, but the archaic version seems to be Bastgaun, which is more similar to Basch. I headcanon that he goes by the name "Basch" in all languages to make it more cohesive.

Northern Europe

Denmark: Mathias Rasmussen

I'm from Scandinavia myself and I don't know if it's widespread, but I've heard people say "all Danish people are named Rasmus" more than once, so I like to incorporate that into his surname.

Estonia: Eduard Kaasik

Around 50% of Estonia is covered in forest, and one of the most common tree types is birch. Kaasik is a common surname and means "birch forest".

Finland: Timo Väinämöinen

Iceland: Eiríkur Steinsson

Steinsson means "son of Stein (given name meaning stone)",. Also Emil isn't traditionally Icelandic, but it's widely used. Personally though, I prefer the name Eiríkur.

Latvia: Raivis Bērziņš

The surname Galante corresponds with the modern Latvian opera singer Inese Galante, but I couldn't find anything to suggest it's commonly used or that it's Latvian at all. Bērziņš is one of the most used Latvian surnames and means "birch tree", like Estonia's surname. Personally, I don't see the Baltics as siblings, but I think this would be a cute reference.

Also, based on what I read, surnames became common in Latvia around the 19th century, with Bērziņš being one of them. Latvia could have picked up whatever the people around him (Estonia) was using and made it his own.

Lithuania: Tolys Laurinaitis

Norway: Sigurd Bondevik

Sweden: Berwald Oxenstierna

Eastern Europe

Belarus: Natalya Arlovskaya

Bulgaria: Mihail Petrov Isporov

Isporov is the family name and is derived from an alternative name of Asparukh, the first king of the First Bulgarian Empire.

Czech: Tereza Novakova

Hungary: Erzsébet Héderváry

Moldova: Marcel Popescu

Poland: Feliks Łukasiewicz

Romania: Vladislav Popescu

Slovakia: Jozef Novak

Ukraine: Iryna Chernenko

Southern Europe

Greece: Herakles Karpusi

Portugal: João Silva Ferreira

Spain: Antonio Fernandez Carriedo

Western Asia

Cyprus: Stasinos Karpusi

Stasinos was one of the first European poets who wrote the epic poem Cypria.

Turkey: Sadiq Adnan

TRNC: Tarkan Adnan

South Asia

India: Rajesh Thakur

East Asia

Hong Kong: Leon Wang / Wong Kulung

Macau: Chen Wang

South Korea: Im Yong-soo

Taiwan: Mei Lin

Southeast Asia

Thailand: Prasert Chakri

Vietnam: Lien Nguyen

Africa

Cameroon: Emmanuel Mawdo Ahidjo

Many of the most commonly used forenames in Cameroon are of French or English origins, such as Emmanuel.

Mawdo means ‘elder’ in Fulfulde.

Ahidjo refers to the first president of Cameroon.

Egypt: Gupta Muhammad Hassan

Seychelles: Michelle Mancham

Americas

Cuba: Carlos Machado Rodríguez

Oceania

Australia: Daniel Kirkland

New Zealand: Zachary Kirkland

Micronations

Hutt River: Christopher Kirkland

Kugelmugel: Leopold Edelstein

Ladonia: Erland Oxenstierna

Molossia: Jacob Jones

"JJ" :)

Sealand: Peter Kirkland

Seborga: Romeo Vergano

Okay listen. I have no explaination, I just really like this name. Also, if the names of the trio is Peter, Wendy, and Romeo, they're all named after characters from literature. I think that's fun.

Wy: Wendy Kirkland

Former Nations

Ancient Egypt: Neferure

References the only biological child of Hatshepsut.

Ancient Greece: Helene

Ancient Rome: Marcus Valerius Maximus

Marcus is the praenomina (given name) and refers to how Romulus and Remus were said to have been twins of Mars, the god.

Valerius is the nomen gentilicium (hereditary name) and means “to be strong”.

Maximus is the cognomen and means “the greatest”.

Germania: Alaric

Holy Roman Empire: Otto Beilschmidt

Personally I like the idea that HRE and Germany aren't the same person, but share the same body.

[felipe-v-fanblog]

Hi my friend 👋, How are u? My question is do you know who Fernando VI is? As I remember he is Philip V's son. He had good contributions despite dying tragically. His love story is so sad 😥.

What is a funny moment the royals have done? Any royal will do. 😊

hi , i promised i would be more active yet here i am appearing a month later ... i have been just like fernando vi lately

i do really love fernando vi just like i love all the children felipe v had with both their wives , but fernando vi is a very special case because all the testimonies of his time are very different from eachother. I can totally say he had a mood disorder, as he was described as very kind by some people, and yet he also had very bad temper . i dont believe in the diagnostics spaniard historians give him, i dont know why are they so afraid of understanding their own history from a honest point of view, spaniards will prefer to lie and talk shit about their monarchs before actually setting a debate about why would they need a dynasty in the first place . i dont like people . anyway yes iiii i always think about fernando vi and his wife barbara de braganza . barbara was the younger sister of the prince Jorge ? from Portugal ( i dont know if he was called like that , but we roll - its the one that looks like luis I - which will later marry a daughter of Felipe V , and will later give birth to Maria I de Portugal , whom inherited the bourbon illness - whatever it may be ) . I enjoy Fernando VIs friendship with the infante Don Luis , i enjoy that he was a good older brother to him and I enjoy that Don Luis stayed by his side when he was in his last moments and I enjoy that Don Luis was scared of him but never judged him . don luis was very dumb so i wonder why he was nice to him . maybe don luis was kind of nice . i find him funny . anyway fernando vi and barbara are very cute . i know fernando vi had very good politics which later on Carlos III would continue in the process of enlightnment Its A Shame that Carlos IV was born ( lol ) .

iiiiii i dont feel very funny ..... i feel very much like felipe v laying in the sofa and thinking about dying but eh do you know this moment when mariana de austria came to spain and somebody tried to offer her some shoes and a courtier said that everybody knows the queen doesnt have feet ( as if , they shouldnt think about her legs because it was seen as erotic in that period ) and she started to cry because she thought they would cut her legs off - she didnt knew how to catch a joke in spanish . I cannot do that either i dont catch jokes in spanish <3 . i find that moment funny bc thats me . now that i wrote this it seems a bit too dumb . let me try again . there is this moment when louis xiv was young and he fell in love with whom would be later her first mistress , louise de la valliere , and he asked for his friend which i know he was called philippe to write a letter to her for him because philippe was known for writing very good . louise was so impressed by the letter - thinking it was the king himself who wrote it to her - that she felt she needed to try her best too and she went to philippe too to ask him to write a letter back . they kept asking philippe for letters for eachother until louise finally told louis what she has been doing . thats so wholesome tbh it makes me laugh and cry at the same time ( i love louis xiv what a guy ) . thats so sweet i cannot live with this . anyway louis xiv and louise just laughed at that and were very happy . i love both of them .

[black-arcana]

Watch: SCORPIONS Joined By DORO For 'Big City Nights' Performance At 2024 WACKEN OPEN AIR

German hard rock legends SCORPIONS were joined by Doro Pesch for a performance of their classic song "Big City Nights" this past Thursday, August 1 at the Wacken Open Air festival in Wacken, Germany. Fan-filmed video of Doro's appearance can be seen below.

During an April 12 appearance on SiriusXM's "Trunk Nation With Eddie Trunk", SCORPIONS guitarist Rudolf Schenker confirmed that there was no more talk of retirement within the band, as there was back in 2010 with what was purported to be a final album and a farewell tour that never quite took hold. He said: "You have to think about that what we didn't know when we made [that] farewell tour [almost 15 years ago], it was exactly the time when WhatsApp came up, when all this new technology [on the] Internet came, that people watching the SCORPIONS on WhatsApp and seeing young kids between 16 and 24 or whatever, [they were] finding [out about] the SCORPIONS. So, and what was happening on the final tour, on the tour, kids were in front of the stage. We said, 'What's happening here?' The older [fans] were up in the balcony or whatever, and we said, 'Hey, it's a complete new feeling on stage.' So then 'MTV Unplugged' came and then we said, 'Hey…' The chemistry was right, no question about this. That's a very important point, when the band has a great chemistry. And then you have fun when you go on the road."

Last September, Rudolf also seemingly dismissed any talk of possible retirement but acknowledged that SCORPIONS would not be able to continue indefinitely. The 75-year-old guitarist told Vikram Chandrasekar of Tales From The Road: "It's not a never-ending road. The road will be finished sooner or later; it's up to you and to our gods. But in 2025, that could be a great time for our 60th anniversary. 2025, it's the time when SCORPIONS is 60 years old. So, then, to celebrate 60 years of SCORPIONS could be a possibility, because I'm in contact with our very old drummer, who was playing on [SCORPIONS' 1972 debut album] 'Lonesome Crow', and the bass player, and use them also on stage to see the different kind of states we went through. Because we are very much connected still in all the different musicians, and that shows again, when we can make it, that music is always there for making friendships."

Back in May 2022, SCORPIONS singer Klaus Meine told Jorge Botas of Portugal's "Metal Global": "We scratched that word [retirement] out of our [vocabulary]. It's not there. We don't think about it and we don't talk about it and we take it as it comes.

"We're just growing older and we do what we do and we hope our fans enjoy it as much as we do," Klaus continued. "But who would have thought we're still around after celebrating 50 years of being recording artists — our first album came out in 1972 and now 'Rock Believer' looks like it hits the big time with the fans and so many positive reviews from all over the world. And after all these years, who would have thought? And it's a wonderful thing.

"But all we know is [that] the road ahead is way shorter than what's behind us," Meine added. "And we never take it for granted — we never take success for granted. We work hard on what we do because we still love it and we still enjoy it. But it's what it is. And I think every artist knows what I'm talking about, because to go out there, play a great show for the fans and not let 'em down, it takes a lot of preparation, takes a lot of work. And being the singer, you try to make sure your pipes are in a good condition.

"It's a lot of things," Meine said. "And we don't know what the future will bring. Take a look at the next corner, and you never know what's going on. But right now, life is good. We have a great new album out there. And we have a lot of fun. We enjoy it."

Meine previously discussed SCORPIONS' aborted retirement in a 2018 interview with SiriusXM. "The thing is we have a much different view now," Klaus said. "And it's a young generation — that's the fuel that keeps us going, and it's really motivating.

"To be honest, every other year, you take a look around the corner: 'Can we do this?' 'Can we still deliver on the same high level, the way we used to do it?'" he admitted. "And that's the only way, and it's only fun if you can go out there and play a great rock show, wherever you do it. Like in the last couple of weeks, we had so much fun. But then you get sick on the road, like I did last year with the severe laryngitis. What can you do? There's not a chance. And then sometimes, of course, you ask yourself, 'How long can we do this?' Especially for singers — and I know I'm not the only one. But it's always, sometimes you ask yourself, 'Klaus, c'mon, how long can you keep up this level?' And then you go out there, everything feels good."

Circling back to SCORPIONS' 2010 "farewell tour" announcement, Klaus told SiriusXM: "Of course, we had our moment of doubt when we said, 'Okay. Maybe we should retire. Maybe this is a good moment.' And then we realized we were wrong, because there's still a lot of sting in the tail, so to speak, and it still feels good. There's such a demand for the SCORPIONS, and we're one of the few bands who play this global stage. If there wasn't this kind of demand, of course, there's no point after so many years, and you'd better go, 'Well, I go home and take it easy.' But there's such a strong demand and that really feels good and challenging — it's a challenge. Of course, you don't do it for the business. It's a good business, yes, but you don't do it for the business and for the money — you do it for the fun, you do it for what's inside of you, what's in your blood, what's in your veins, and that's the rock and roll music. And you wanna go out and play in front of an audience, because that's what it's all about."

SCORPIONS' only continuous member has been Schenker, although Meine has appeared on all of the band's studio albums, while guitarist Matthias Jabs has been a consistent member since 1978, and bassist Paweł Mąciwoda and drummer Mikkey Dee have been in the band since 2003 and 2016, respectively.

SCORPIONS' latest album, "Rock Believer", was released in February 2022. The album was recorded primarily at Peppermint Park Studios in Hannover, Germany and was mixed at the legendary Hansa Studios in Berlin, Germany with engineer Michael Ilbert, who has earned multiple Grammy nominations for his mix work with producer Max Martin on albums by Taylor Swift and Katy Perry.

[blueiscoool]

The Oldest Known Ancient Egyptian Mummy that is Covered with Gold Discovered 

An ancient Egyptian mummy is the oldest covered with gold, but it's not the oldest ancient Egyptian mummy on record.

Archaeologists in Egypt have uncovered a series of tombs dating back around 4,300 years at Saqqara, including a sarcophagus holding the oldest known ancient Egyptian mummy that is covered with gold.

The record-breaking tomb had a sealed sarcophagus containing the mummy of a man that a hieroglyphic inscription identifies as Hekashepes, and whose remains were found covered with gold.

"When the sarcophagus was examined, it was found to be completely sealed with mortar, just as the ancient Egyptians had left it 4300 years ago. When the lid was raised, we found the mummy of a man covered with gold leaf," the team said in a statement posted on the Facebook page of Zahi Hawass, a former minister of antiquities who led the team that made the discoveries.

However, while other news outlets are reporting that this is the oldest Egyptian mummy known to archaeologists, that's not the case. Rather, "This mummy is the oldest complete mummy covered with gold," Hawass said in an email.

Many Egyptologists agree Egypt became unified around 3100 B.C., when the pharaonic state started. However, humans lived in the region as far back as 400,000 years ago. The oldest embalmed mummy in Egypt predates the pharaohs; the remains of a man who was placed in a fetal pose about 6,000 years ago. Meanwhile, the oldest known mummy in the world may be the 8,000-year-old remains of a man found in Portugal.

There is little information about Hekashepes, but it appears that "he was wealthy," Hawass said. Hekashepes' mummy was mummified using artificial methods, is intact and is covered with gold. There are older ancient Egyptian mummies — such as several mummies that date back more than 5,000 years at the site of Gebelein, about 25 miles (40 kilometers) south of ancient Thebes (modern-day Luxor) — but those are not covered with gold.

According to images posted online of Hekashepes' remains, it appears that his mummy is wearing clothes and doesn't have bandages, Francesco Tiradritti, an Egyptology professor at the Kore University of Enna in Italy who was not involved with these excavations, said in an email. The deceased seems like he was buried wearing a tunic with a belt and large necklace. This may be an attempt "to preserve as much as the living appearance of the deceased," Triadritti said, something that might shine light on religious beliefs at the time this man died.

Tomb with paintings

Another important tomb belongs to a man named "Khnumdjedef" who was an "inspector of the officials," who served the pharaoh Unas (ruled circa 2353 B.C. to 2323 B.C.), according to hieroglyphic inscriptions found in the tomb. His tomb was decorated with wall paintings depicting "scenes of daily life," the statement said. One painting depicts five jars lined up on top of what looks like a table.

From a released photo, it appears that some of the paintings were drawn with "elongated proportions," Tiradritti said. Paintings with elongated proportions became popular long after Khnumdjedef lived, during the First Intermediate Period (circa 2150 B.C. to 2030 B.C.), Tiradritti said. During the First Intermediate Period, a transitional time between the Old Kingdom and the Middle Kingdom, the region experienced a major drought, the central government in Egypt collapsed and the political structure changed.

The newly found paintings "are interesting to understand the evolution of [Egyptian art]," Tiradritti said.

More tombs

Another tomb found in the cemetery belonged to an official named "Meri," whose hieroglyphic inscriptions say held a number of titles, including "keeper of the secrets" and "assistant of the great leader of the palace."

Another tomb belongs to a priest, whose name may have been "Messi," alongside his wife. It contains nine statues, some of which represent servants and one that represents the priest and his wife.

Additionally, the archaeologists found a shaft 33 feet (10 meters) deep that had a stone sarcophagus belonging to a man named "Fetek" at the bottom. He was buried along with three stone statues depicting him as well as an offering table.

Royal transition

From the information released so far, "it looks like the Egyptian mission found a necropolis that can be related to the pyramid of [Unas] and his cult," Tiradritti said. Unas was the last king of the fifth dynasty and it's possible that the newly found tomb may shed light on the transition between the fifth and sixth dynasties of Egypt, Tiradritti said.

After Unas died, a pharaoh named Teti (circa 2323 B.C. to 2291 B.C.), who was not a son of Unas and may have married into the royal family, came to the throne, starting the sixth dynasty. "The reasons for a changing in the royal line is still only a matter of guess," Tiradritti said. The tombs may also help understand Egypt's economy at this time, Tiradritti added, noting that Egyptologists usually see this as being a time of economic decline for Egypt.

By Owen Jarus.

[maryeve-the-bitch]

Day 2 of Royal Red Bros week  Growing Up || Remembrance/Nostalgia

Title: Never gonna give you up Word count: 647 @royalredbrosweek

After a few hours of work, England went back inside to prepare some tea for him and Canada. Tomorrow was going to be a busier day with the rest of the commonwealth, including Australia and New Zealand. After the tea was done, England brought his and Canada’s cup to the table outside. The weather was nice for once and perfect to enjoy a cup of tea with his adoptive son / brother. Arthur wasn’t sure exactly what their relationship was, but he wouldn’t change it for the world. 

They enjoyed their tea peacefully, no words needed. Only the chirpings of the birds and the few cars passing by the street could be heard. Arthur soon found himself to be staring at the grass next to Matthew, deep in thought. He remembered his first meeting with little Canada. He was called New France at the time and he was so small and innocent. He admitted that at the time, he wasn’t the best parental figure Matthew deserved, but he told himself that it was probably better than nothing or than some other nations. His gaze moved to Matthew’s gold hair, shining under the sunlight. It reminded Arthur about the time he was sick and Canada was by his side. Even after all they’ve been through, Matthew was by his side. The wars, even against his own brother. Again and again, Matthew chose him. He wanted to know the reasons. No one ever stayed by his side all these times. Not even France. Not even Portugal. They all gave up on him at some point before coming back to him. But not Matthew. 

“Something on your mind?”  Canada’s quiet voice put him back to reality like the morning sunlight waking him up. 

“Ah. Not really. I was reminiscing about our times together.” Arthur took a sip of his tea, crossing his legs. Matthew cocked his head to the side, reminding the older nation of a cute dog. 

“That bad, huh?”  Matthew sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. 

“Oh no no. Not at all. They are good memories.”  Arthur paused.  “Do you remember when we first met? You were very small. I could almost fit you in one hand.”  He teased with a smile around his mug. “Please. I was not. And I vaguely remember.” 

“I asked if we could be family and you answered that you’d try your best.”  A nostalgic smile appeared on Arthur’s face.  “ I wouldn’t have ever imagined that your best was going to be the best I have ever had.” 

Shocked by this confession, Matthew put his hands together and rubbed them. He stayed silent, looking down on his knee. He didn’t know what to say and he was convinced that if he tried to say anything, he would probably stutter nonsense. 

Was there alcohol in the tea? Usually, Arthur doesn’t express his feelings much unless he is pissed drunk. “May I ask why have you stayed by my side all these times?”  Arthur looks at him with softness. 

“I- well, because, because you did. You never gave up on me so I never gave up on you.”  Matthew answered shyly. 

Arthur knew for a fact that if he was plastered or if he was anything like France, he would have teared up. Maybe he would later when he’d be alone. Should he hug him? Thank him for everything he did? To his surprise, Matthew got up and bent over to give his adoptive dad an awkward hug. Arthur gently patted the boy’s back, accepting the hug. Matthew’s body felt all warm against Arthur’s.

 He was all grown up now, even way taller and bigger than Arthur. He didn’t regret how he raised Matthew as he grew up to be the kindest and loveliest man, but a large part of it must be thanks to the boy himself. Arthur couldn’t be more proud of him.

[charlenasaxen]

Primates of Park Avenue - Favorite Quotes

“Or the strangeness of worlds within worlds like my college campus’s Greek system”

“He was born and raised here, a reality as exotic and appealing to me as, say, being from Tahiti”

“His was a cozy, ready-made family for me, with my own family so far away.”

“It marked a transition, I only realized later, my initiation into another world—the world of Manhattan motherhood”

“Outcasts in literature and the real world may be interesting, antiheroes we can root for, but they are usually miserable”

“And there is no one more at risk than a female primate transferring to a new troop with a neonate”

“or the ritualized bacchanalian rites of sorority rush at a Big Ten school—could rival it, or prepare me for it”

“helicopter rides to the Hamptons. There are “the right music classes” for two-year-olds, and tutors for three-year-olds to prep them for kindergarten entrance exams”

“There were obsessional quests for nearly-impossible-to-procure luxury items (like my own, once I had “gone native,” for a Birkin bag”

“insider trading” of information, such as how to hire a black-market Disney guide with a disability pass”

“could be ruthless in their advocacy for their offspring—and themselves. Sure, they are loving mommies, but they are also entrepreneurial dynasts”

“even to their best friends. But they all did it—finding the tutors through word of mouth, like insider trading”

“as many scheduled their children’s playdates with the “alpha offspring” of the rich and influential”

“a bid to move up the invisible but pervasive and powerful hierarchy that organizes life here”

“they turn to alcohol; prescription drugs; “flyaway parties” with girlfriends to Vegas, St. Barth’s, and Paris”

“In times of hardship they frequently bond with and look out for others in ways that are unexpected and extraordinary.”

“reminding me that even in apparently inhospitable, unfriendly climates, there is real warmth and kindness”

“to be healthy and happy, to feel loved, to thrive, and, one day, to make something of themselves”

“They are made. This is the story of how I was made, and remade”

“they looked at me as if I were excitedly divulging plans to join a cult”

“my husband choked on a cashew. There was no shortage of stereotypes about uptown versus downtown”

“After all, in New York City, town houses are a status symbol”

“on me, my husband, or Inga, who quickly became the third person in our marriage”

“there are essentially private clubs, run by boards of residents who make and enforce rules as they see fit”

“then the next day my husband, like all husbands, would come have a look”

“head back to the Important World of Men’s Work. Then he would call me and tell me what he thought”

“That’s why all the brokers and potential buyers were women. The men were there to provide gravitas”

“No, my kids go to Collegiate”—[Bam! Here she establishes superior rank”

“Here she reveals that she is a mere degree from TT school status herself”

“but apparently it meant a lot in our town. Many people who rent in Manhattan keep it a secret”

“when it’s easier to escape the noise by going outside or even to your country place”

“broker couldn’t be here,” Inga explained—I knew it was a diss of some sort in the world of brokers”

“And . . . I’ll look for you in Palm Beach. You’re going, right? We’ll be at The Breakers.”

“She said it so confidently, as if everybody saw everybody in Aspen”

“when incomes, investment portfolios, and egos were surging all over the city”

“Oh my God, I realized one afternoon. I totally forgot to apply to nursery school.”

“decidedly ungrandmotherly dowagers sporting massive diamonds”

“after a soignée older woman wearing the biggest bauble I’d ever seen stepped off one afternoon. “I think so,” he whispered back”

“snug, tidy Barbour jackets and precious, pristine pastries”

“little wool shorts and kneesocks”

“all made in Italy or France. Except the pajamas, which were always made in Portugal”

“in the future of a tiny powder blue cashmere sweater”

“with space you could previously only find in Westchester or Wyoming.”

“this was the terrifying predator to be outwitted and bested. It was our jaguar.”

“Up here on the Upper East Side, though, child’s play was apparently a deadly serious business”

“A few music class moms and my sister-in-law, an Upper East Side mother of four teens, were in charge of my education”

“you were supposed to do a certain baby group. Everything, it seemed, fed into everything else”

“hence they needed to be “older” once they started school. In the South, such “red-shirting” had begun so that boys would be bigger for sports teams”

“And they would prefer, say, an October birthday. Moms who became pregnant in January, February, or March won”

“Oh no, you didn’t even apply yet and he also has a bad birthday?��� the moms I was getting to know exclaimed without fail”

“working assiduously on their behalf, is a vocation. Being a mommy here is a cutthroat, high-stakes career,”

“I was getting the hang of it. Or losing my perspective entirely. It depended on how you looked at it”

“you can consider the bridge to that school burned in perpetuity, and a friendship lost”

“reserved for people who stress two-year-olds and their hopeful, tense, and vulnerable mothers for no good reason.”

“It was not unusual to see a mommy crying on the street as she bundled her child up”

“holding my hand as we were about to enter yet another “playroom” full of kids he didn’t know, he looked up at me and said, “Mommy, I can’t do this,” and I wanted to weep.”

“We thought it best to let my husband, a calm and collected fellow, take our son to the audition at the fancy preschool his nieces and nephews had gone to.”

“You were, in their view, vetted, and a relatively safe bet. Even, apparently, if your son punched the boss lady”

“while I knew better than to talk about it much, for fear I would seem to be gloating, I was not above relishing the envious looks”

“there is no place more desperate, aggressive, dangerous, and inhospitable than the halls of an exclusive Manhattan private school”

“The moms air-kissing and hobnobbing and chitchatting and sometimes backstabbing”

“excitedly announced that he had been invited to a playdate by his friend Tessa—on her family’s private plane”

“when our son said we didn’t have one, and Tessa took pity on him and invited him to play on hers”

“one’s child’s friends and playmates can set your position in a hierarchy, bumping you up or dragging you down”

“He was polite, clever, and slightly rakish, unusual among the straitlaced Upper East Side finance guys”

“he and I chatted. Unbeknownst to me, I later learned, he was the scion of some sort of Manhattan banking empire”

“he suggested, in front of a group of moms, that our boys should play. “How about this Friday?”

“My son had a regular weekly playdate with the alpha’s son, which paved the way”

“When these people saw me engaged in friendly conversation with Alpha Dad in the hallway, they took note”

“By that time, though, my son had what he needed, which meant I did, too. Maybe this wasn’t going to be so hard after all.”

“proceeded to conduct himself as an indigenous Yemeni tribesman for the course of the evening (sabers were involved)”

“My final undoing was a powerful talismanic object—an Hermès Birkin bag.

“seemed to have a fantastic bag, and to revel in brushing her opponent with it. This was the coup de grace.”

“all along the uptown avenues of affluence there was plenty of road rage. With nothing but a plastic bag from the grocery store on my arm, I had been asking for it.”

“And then, Mike got himself a beautiful purse.”

“sent even Goliath, the reigning alpha male, into a cowering panic”

“given my budget, wanting a Birkin was about as reasonable as wanting to be the president of France”

“it had history, two handles, and a top you could choose to leave folded back and open or buckle closed.”

“What color is that?!” a friend who is an artist demanded of the startled owner of a fuchsia ostrich Birkin”

“Men could have their sports cars, their affairs, their fifteen-thousand-bottle wine cellars”

“The difficulty of this particular get, its near-impossibility, was part of the thing-in-itself, as intrinsic to the Birkin”

“He gets to prove how powerful and special he is—he got her this expensive, rare thing”

“You want it because it is somehow, vaguely, within reach—a stretch, but not utterly impossible. And because it is beautiful.”

“periodically reactivated by stress (such as a Birkin sighting) ”

“My friend Candace has bookmarked seventeen real estate sites in her quest, one she readily admits she will never really pursue, to move to Bronxville”

“and that I would be a very good customer”

“Even though Myra really thought this was a big mistake; I should get palladium, which, she explained, was seasonless”

“initially he thought I was talking about Birkenstocks. “I’m sure it really is a nice purse,” he began gamely, once I had explained that were talking about bags, not sandals”

“gave him a quick overview of the madness of the Birkinquest”

“how I knew, before the world economists knew it, that China had surpassed Japan to become the second-largest economy”

“Yes, the Birkin bag comes with its own raincoat. It was lighter than I imagined. It was beautiful and simple”

“Then I ran to the phone and ordered flowers, and a flowery thank-you note, for Myra. For all her help, and all her trouble.”

“I carried my Birkin everywhere, except in the rain. Then I had to leave it home, for fear of, well, of harming it”

“If you could get anyone at Hermès to sell you one. Which I doubt. But I didn’t say any such thing”

“contemplated how, on the Upper East Side, there are many, many ways to run a woman off the sidewalk.”

“teetered on stiletto heels and went to dinner parties and restaurants-of-the-moment and charity events until midnight”

“sometimes before you see a deer, you can hear it give a tremendous snort, a harrumph of disgust at your vile stench”

“so I called my husband instead.

“What?! We have to go!” he cried”

“slept better at night. Given all this, I became a proselytizer”

“the baby, who craned his neck from his stroller, mouth agape. He was hearing birds for the first time.”

“She and her peers dieted. After having babies, they survived on black coffee and Special K”

“Women came out in June, the second school let out, to set up house with the kids and the nanny. Husbands went back and forth on the weekends, but wives ran the show during the week.

“My identification with the tribe deepened with every exercise class and trip to the juice bar after”

“like stunning red male cardinals, or breathtaking male peacocks, feathers spread”

“I have been invited to a gathering of high-ranking females at the dwelling hut of a wealthy and powerful chieftain and his wife”

“coalitions via social inclusion, social exclusion, and gossip”

“In these contexts, self-presentation—including adornment of the body with particular textiles and of the face with specific pigments and enhancements—is of utmost importance”

“obliging my little son’s requests”

“at Michael’s—a midtown restaurant I thought of as the campfire”

“whose parents were fixtures on the social circuit a generation earlier, Candace viewed the world I studied with irony and humor,”

“I started to get a weekly blowout, upped my sunblock to tinted moisturizer, and added pinkish lip balm to the mix”

“that these women basically had several “uniforms” made the daily task of getting dressed a little easier. ”

“Skinny jeans and leather leggings were popular on casual days. On rainy days these were topped with classic trench coats”

“And on the coldest days, there were more furs—sumptuous beaver and glossy black sable and indescribably soft”

“the male club-winged manakin actually plays his wings like a violin.”

“easier to make beautiful music—but harder to fly. And escape predators. Meaning . . . male manakins are dying for beauty”

“he was a hedge fund guy and presumably, buying a building—the one he lived in—was something to do”

“apparently, Rebecca’s private aerie. There were light-colored flowers everywhere and a beautiful long beige marble table”

“My hostess gift—cookies I had baked with my son—had been eagerly and gratefully accepted by the hostess’s adorable twin sons”

“when there was very quiet talk, and lowered eyes, and obvious sadness and compassion about this woman’s previous miscarriages”

“placed discreetly in front of us by the staff—the talk turned to a West Coast interloper on the New York social scene”

“During “gala season,” from April through June, and then out in the Hamptons all summer long”

“All except the dinners, when husbands materialize”

“At one school gala’s live auction, it was said, the cookie jar made by the 4s went for sixty thousand dollars”

“Like the demurral of a compliment, the confirmation of the next meetup affirmed that they were one”

“Laden with lavender shopping bags for camouflage, I am on the hunt for The One”

“and I burst into tears.”

And: “My husband tapped me on the shoulder to ask me something and it startled me so badly”

“Robert Sapolsky, my partner in crime in the Bergdorf daydream”

“For the average mammal,” he explains, “stress is three minutes of terror on the savannah. After which the stress is over. Or you are.”

“little one adored the doting attentions of his older cousins and the songs”

“the physical thing that you talk and eat with and put makeup on”

“the best and safest car seat, stroller, and organic carrots”

“when she found the nanny’s notes, transcribed in broken, phonetic English and then painstakingly translated into Spanish, folded on the counter”

“Unbidden and uncompensated, this woman had gone to hours of trouble out of devotion”

“to find her charge, a baby. Breaking away from first responders who told her it was too dangerous”

“unharmed, but might not have remained so if not for her caretaker’s bravery and devotion”

“And for every plague, a drop of wine. Or a glass. Or a few.

Wealthy husbands on the Upper East Side collect red wine.”

“a juice fast to make up for the weekend of drinking and eating. Tuesday through Friday, drinking was on.”

“I turned to her and suggested, with great authority and no self-consciousness, “That’s because you have to take it with a Bloody Mary!” We had never seen each other before, let alone spoken.”

“It meant that we could lose them. It was the ghost at the heart”

“the baroque, bizarre flora and fauna that spring from a terrain of damp, fertile panic. Please, I thought, another drop of wine”

“that I wanted to name her Daphne. How could I not submit to her, this baby who so wanted to be born? How could I not give her a name?”

“into the rain toward the waiting black town car”

“as did I. Then I crawled into the car and lay down across the backseat with my head on my husband’s lap”

“and I was wondering, How did I get up here, and who is that woman down there who looks so upset?”

“he told me he liked my shoes. I told him that they were called skimmers, and that they were for the rain, and that girls have all the fun.”

“the photo of my two young sons I had taped up next to my bed—my older son laughing”

“But I must have been screaming instead of talking, because the doctor beside him said, “Oh my God,” very softly and put her face in her hands”

“my husband’s eyes were closed, and he kept them that way for a long time as I stared at him.”

“he grimaced and closed his eyes for a moment, and then he opened them and said, “Because I know. I just know it’s not your fault.”

“Something had pierced his expression, it seemed, as he said it—he was suddenly a person talking to another person, trying to coax her back into the world.”

“kept telling her, in my head and aloud, that I was sorry, and that it wouldn’t be long now. ”

“We’ve had some good times,” something I always say to him when something terrible is happening, and he smiled”

“from us to all our closest friends, to all their friends and then to every single woman and man with a preschooler in Manhattan”

“No. How did this happen? It can’t be. What happened, exactly? Why? What will her mother do?”

“Her hair was wispy and blond and her eyes were huge and blue. She loved cooking and school and ballet.

“One night, about week before she collapsed, she and her big sister came to our house to play with my sons”

“there was a tiny knock on my door, and there was Flora, with a gift wrapped in white tissue paper and a gold bow. This is for you, she said shyly, smiling”

“she made a choking noise and said, “She was getting so brave. She was doing more things like that.”

“She will not wear that tiny sweater with yellow flowers on it again, or those pink rain boots. Her small cubby at school”

“I suspected Lily did, too. There was no comparing the loss of a toddler, a little person you had known and loved”

“I’m glad you’re my baby sister, even though you died, he wrote to Daphne. I miss you”

“please be in touch if you can, the one to Flora ended”

“unexpectedly, the mothers, many of whom I had dismissed as unfriendly, self-involved, and shallow, showed me what they were made of,”

“or take him to the movies. They sent over dinner. And when people invited us away for the weekend, we went”

“did not give up on me. Some of the very ones who had hazed and harassed me came over for a glass of wine”

“to care. For weeks and months and in some cases, for years.”

“function in part as emotional support and in part as surrogate child care. They did not give up on me, because they couldn’t.”

“But nor had I ever felt more cared for and tended to, more truly befriended”

“And then, they simply continued to be kind. “How did we become friends again? I’m so glad we did . . . I guess it was school?”

“under dire circumstances I would likely see a better, deeper part of her, and she would see the same in me”

“chimps consoling conspecifics who are upset by hugging and kissing them”

“will voluntarily open a door to offer a companion access to food, even if they lose part of it in the process.” Capuchin monkeys will seek rewards for others, coming to prefer, when offered two different tokens, the “pro-social” one”

“a female named Daisy who loved wood shavings hoarded hers—in order to bestow the entire cache upon a sick male named Amos, so he could make the nest where he rested more comfortable”

“essentially plumping the pillows of the hospital bed of someone she cared for, knowing it would feel good”

“In other words, caring is our first impulse; only our minds stand in the way of doing so every time.”

“The sun was sinking lower in the bright blue sky and I felt a strong, slow swell of happiness as our family drove home with the windows rolled down, taking in the beautiful afternoon”

[spaceysoupy]

Pura Raza Española (PRE) horses and Puro Sangue Lusitano (PSL) horses are different. This foal is Trovante QL and he’s a PSL by Lord Plus out of Doçura QL by Riopele. He was bred by Coudelaria Quinta da Lagoa and is already growing into his features just a few months later. The rams head or “Roman nose” is normal for this breed and is often very pronounced in foals. His sire has a COI of 1.42% and I’m not sure about his dam’s line since I couldn’t find her registration but his damsire Riopele has a COI of 8.11% on 5 gens (I calculated it manually hhh) which is on the low end of the spectrum for Lusitano horses, which all have some degree of inbreeding. Unless his maternal granddam is wildly inbred, his COI is probably far lower than his damsire.

Rosa Gutierrez has another stallion named Rei Mago who was born looking like Trovante QL and has since matured into a fine looking stallion. Lusitanos are just kinda Like That. Foals in general are gangly awkward little things that have an ugly phase. He’ll grow up and look normal.

As for the shaved mane and tail, it’s tradition in Portugal to shave foals to protect them from ticks and other parasites. When they’re older the breeder/owner will let it grow out. I think they may also do it for broodmares who are foaling soon for hygiene but I’m not 100% sure.

I just want to take the funny looking foal home. He's like the opposite of those overbred seahorse arabs.

And I'd let him grow a tail. Obviously.

[jijipeaches]

Hi! I'm Jillian Mae, you can call me anything. But before I tell myself I just want to let you know that this is my first blog. At this time let me tell you a little bit of information about Jillian. May you be happy and understand my short story for you.

To tell you more about myself. I live in Brgy. Solong, Can-avid Eastern Samar. It is a rural area but full of nutritious crops and most of our area are farmers. I grew up with gratitude to my family. We are not rich, we are not poor either. I'm the kind of idealistic woman, I really do love arts like music, drawing, dancing, designing interior and exterior house all just about art.. If I remember, I think I have an awesome childhood, all we want we get. But as we grow older, I notice why do I feel different from them? Why do all my cousins seem so easy to make friends with other? Why do I always feel so quiet? I don't even have a friend at least one?. Fast forward in 2017 of course that's at the level of curiosity. As a teenager, I try to find out where I belong?, Who am I?, What should I contribute, or what should I do to do to love someone else?. I was so happy, I made a lot of friends, I became better known throughout our campus because of my friends. But as long as I think I don't belong to it, why don't I really enjoy it? Why is my real personality coming out?. It seems like it's not right to please everyone else. Then, I say Lord, I'm so tired. I also saw in their eyes that were full of bitterness, hard hearts, wounds and problems that I just realized that they were rebels but the advantage of them is smart and really good in academics.

When I became a senior highschool, I started to stay away from them. It's changing, but I have to get away from toxicity. There I was more into who I was? And at the age of 18, it was funny, that I knew I was an introvert. Why am I gentle and modest. There I also saw myself in the mirror that I had suffered from depression and suicidal thoughts, so I was looking for validation for other people because I couldn't find it within my family. Because we were a broken family and it was harder to admit to me that they had their family. But now that I'm 20 I found myself forgiveness and acceptance not only for myself but for others. There I realized that when I was lost, the Lord was just there and I now understand why I need to get away and grow more of what I have because God preparing me for the upcoming breakthrough and the purpose of me Why did he raise me.

I share this to you because, in the world that is full of problems, I am strengthened by the time and will be strengthened by the coming. I wrote this not because it's my blog, but for the young people who wandered away, young people were full of questions. I just want to tell you that if I miss it, not by shouting but by faith. Because of the emergence and forgiveness I was released from the darkness, pain and the chaos of my life back then. If I had been able to handle my challenges as a teenager, you would be able to now make more powerful resources to make you stronger 💪.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

September 08, 2023

Padul-Ong Festival 2023 in Philippines

By: Hellotravel

The Padul-ong Festival is the province’s way to pay homage to its Patroness, the Blessed Virgin Mary. The capital city of the province, pronounced as “bo-rong-gan”, was derived from the Waray-waray word “borong” which means “fog. The festival commemorates the day they received the image. It depicts a mythical presentation on how the image of the Blessed Virgin Mary was inexplicably transported to Borongan City all the way from Portugal. The festival also illustrates the legend of a mysterious “Lady in White” who allegedly visits the Hamorawan Spring regularly.

According to the locals, the Lady in White has been blessing the spring waters with miraculous healing powers. Every September 7 or 8, Borongan City celebrates an early morning mass in a quaint chapel at Barangay Punta Maria. The mass signifies that the Padul-ong Festival has officially started. From the chapel, the small image of the Blessed Virgin Mary is transferred to Rawis Port. The first part of the festival which usually starts at 5:00 in the morning is the fluvial procession where boat owners can join along with the official boat carrier of the small image across Rawis Bay.

The image is then paraded through the town going to Borongan Cathedral. At the Borongan City plaza, you can watch the re-enactment of the transportation of the Blessed Virgin Mary. It tells the town’s old legend on how the image was brought to the Philippines. Celebrate with the Boronganons, join the procession and be amazed at the colorful costumes of the performers while enjoying the lively beat of the drums during the street dancing parade.

Reference/Resources:

Hellotravel (2023). Paduol-Ong Festival 2023 in Philippines. Hellotravel. https;//www.hellotravel.com

[safereturndoubtful]

Day 33 - to Ribadelago, Santabria National Park, Spain

Another day, another national park, but that wasn’t really the story of the day, which was much more humorous.

About 7 pm last night I was surprised when another van pulled in, next door to me. Surprised, because I have seen so few vans.

The guy actually came over to apologise for arriving late, though as I mentioned, it was only 7 pm.

They had a French registered Renault Globecar. A campervan maybe, but huge, more like a motorhome. The guy, I guess mid thirties, was originally English, but had lived 30 years in Brittany, and was with his French girl-friend. We got chatting, though it was not warm at that time.

He volunteered to tell me, that he was taking a year break from work in the adult entertainment industry. Now to my innocent mind, that pretty vague, adults are entertained in a number of ways. But he did soon after qualify this by saying it was porn, and apparently, very stressful.

They may return to the work, but remotely, whatever that means, the year after.

I don’t know much about this line of work, except for what I have watched on the tremendous, ‘The Deuce’. Though that was the heyday of New York porn, in the 1970s, where pretty much anything went.

We didn’t dwell on the porn. The two of them did look quite unlike the usual neighbour I come across on the road though, in smart tracksuits with expensive trainers. I misunderstood initially, thinking they were travelling in their van, owned by his parents, for the year. But actually this is a 3 week break, then back for a birthday, to California and various other places, with the odd three weeks in the van.

This morning we continued the conversation. They had no plans, but soon changed to join me hiking into the mountains. I moved down onto the far side of the village to park up, a very deserted village, and they followed. I set off, saying I would be slow, with the idea they would catch me up, but I didn’t see them again.

I think they saw the track, very wet and muddy after heavy overnight rain, saw my clothing, and opted out.

The rain had given way to an incredibly clear and cloudless morning, though a windy one. That sort of weather suits this National Park really, it is quite wild and windswept, beautiful in that regard, rather than being picturesque or pretty.

A quick quote from a book I am reading at the moment, the Swedish travel writer Erika Fatland’s High, about the Himalayas. I recommend her books highly.

She says.. “Borders are like sausages. It is sometimes best not to know how they are made. “

On this hike today, at times I was only metres from Spain. You can see their wind turbines on the photo below. There are many of them. I mentioned a few weeks ago that Spain, along with Germany, lead Europe in wind power.

But Portugal doesn’t, and at the moment won’t. The law is different, and many who voice opposition to them are listened to.

Though it does seem rather ridiculous here. They turbines are in Spain, but are only visible to the Portuguese villages. Borders…

It wasn’t a difficult hike by any means, PR3 as it’s called. It ascends without being steep on wide tracks to a dammed lake, Albufeira de Serra Serrada.

At the lake I met an older Dutch couple. I had actually seen their car arrive last night. We shared conversation on the return, and got on well, more in common I think than with the porn couple, though I quickly add, it is good to meet all sorts of travellers.

The guy was a retired neurologist, and his wife lectured in bio-chemistry when she worked, they were both now 68, and clearly pretty fit, and both quite small.

They were stopping off on their way to see their daughter and her family in Porto.

On return I drove onto across the nearby border to Spain, and into Sanabria National Park. Montesinho is, in effect, the foothills of the bigger mountains in Sanabria, which ascend to more than two thousand metres, and still have some snow on them in places.

This is a big tourist area, with plenty of hotels and restaurants, which I guess will all kick off just after Easter. At the moment, other than in the town of Puebla, everything is closed, and there are few people around. Initially I was going to stay in Puebla, but the weather is set fair, and I prefer to be back up high.

So I’m in Ribadelago, back at 1000 metres asl. I’m at the parking area for some hiking trails, surrounded by spectacular scenery. There is a sign saying no campervans etc in the National Park, but none of the camp sites are open. It’s so quiet that I doubt anyone will care. Park4Night lists a stopover place as being on the residential road 50 metres away. I’ve seen this before when parking areas have ‘no vans’ signs up. It’s taking advantage really, I never like to stopover near residential property. It’s rare to have ‘no van’ signs in Spain, usually there is some area they are directed to. In 3 or 4 weeks, I think it would be out of order to stay here.

I wandered back into the village for an early evening beer, and had a pleasant chat to the bar owner. I may well have been his only customer of the evening.

[junjiie]

the most well yes anything’s ever been.. you’ve done it again.. wiping tears from my eyes this is the best fucking fic ever you’re amazing im going to throw up!!!!!!! fave bits below ^^

“it’s okay, really, god i have a bandaid don’t i? hold on..” — HE’S SO CUUUTEE he’s so cutie and nice and cute we cried..

the older is a person of solace for him, a comfort in this big castle that seems to be swallowing him whole. — WE LOVE YOU QIAN KUNNNNN MY LOVER THE ONLY MAN EVER!!!!!

placing the copy of strange case of dr. jekyll and mr. hyde onto his desk. — okayy j&h mention.. How does Stevenson create a sense of fear and terror in this extract? How does he create a sense of fear and terror in the novel as a whole? i fear i fucked up that q in my exam but we’ll forget abt that..

“frenchman’s creek by daphne du maurier.” — yess literature! (has never read that book in my life). this got me thinking abt a book my mum read on the plane home from portugal last yr that i was reading over her shoulder and it has literally nth to do w this but. Yeah.

“just so you know, it doesn’t have a happy ending.” — Foreshadowing is a literary device in whi

it’s always different when it's with you. — Gay as hell. that is a gay man

“it’s fine really, you actually kind of made my day.” & it's you, that's why he agreed. — CUTEEEE im throwing up

he’s much too busy thinking about books (and you) anyway.. — Freak.. (i smiled)

“i didn’t enjoy the ending, though.” — my exact words when i finish this btw

oh he loves the way you say his name. — FREAKKKKKKK. stop this i love him so bad

“i do enjoy tragic love stories.” — damn.. he's NOT just like me fr!

but it’s not just kun, it’s also you, and chenle almost falls to the floor and dies right then and there. — I DONT EVEN WANT TO GET TO THE ENDDD IM GONNA BE SICK.

“i can’t have him.” — Bye. SHUT UPPPP. i hate you. if he wanted to he would.. this boy clearly does not want!

“so could i be with someone of a different class?” — How does Priestley use Mrs Birling to explore ideas about the divide between social classes?

is my clearly reddening face a symptom? my fluttering stomach? my seemingly labored breathing? why can’t you tell i’m madly in love with you yet!? — BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT DOING ANYTHING? SAYING ANYTHING? dpmo rn

chenle just wants to stay around you. — this man is actually so sick

“everything is so complicated and i can’t even do anything about it because i get married in two months—!” — RUN AWAY THEN STUPIDDDD BOOOOOO!!!!!!

“may i?” you ask, but you aren’t looking chenle in the eyes, your staring directly at his lips. chenle almost chokes on his spit, are you really asking him if you can kiss him? do you really like him as much as he likes you? is he dreaming? & chenle doesn’t let you finish, he grabs the back of your neck and smashes your lips together. — i guess i can forgive him for two (2) seconds or whatever

“because it’s better than potentially losing my job! chenle! i have to take care of my mother, i can’t afford to risk my position because someone thinks you’re cheating on your fiancée with me.” — TELL HIMMMMM if he’s not leaving that poor girl then he can FAWKK OFFFFF im not getting beheaded for chenle HELLO

at least your still in his life, he’s grateful for that. — girl. i Guess. personally i’d rather kill myself than watch some guy i love have a wholeass wife but like. medieval-not-medieval yn can do whatever he wants idk

anw this was amazinggggggg even if i still hate the fact they cant run away like what.. THANKU FOR GIVING ME A CHEEKY SHOUT OUT YK I LOVE YOU TOO BSF MUAHH!!!!! isa strikes again w the best fics ever who’s surprised! isa nation MAKE SOME NOISE!

AUDERE EST FACERE. — [Z.CL]

❝to dare is to do..❞

SYNOPSIS: where crown prince zhong chenle, forced into a marriage with a woman he doesn't like and riddled with complicated feelings, finds solace in the palace's very own medic, you.

PAIRING: zhong chenle x male!reader

GENRE: royalty au, not really modern but not really medieval time period either, childhood friends to lovers, fluff, angst, kinda humorous, prince!chenle x medic!reader, kinda forbidden relationship, ambiguous/open ending

WARNINGS: might not be accurate to medieval times, death, blood & gore, forced marriage, mentions of disease, unhealthy ways of grieving, a lot of mentions of violence

WORD COUNT: 22.7k

NOTES: woah woah woah!!! this whole fic broke a whole bunch of isa records…….. hiiii jj 😊 hi chenle stans 😊 hello nct male reader community 😊😊😊 i hope im serving the isanator nation well (consists of 2 ppl) ANYWAY this is one of the works i am genuinely most proud of because for one, it's my longest ever work, and for two, i'm just so happy with how it turned out!! this was originally meant to be like 16k words but then i got carried away and now this is here 🙁 i truly apologize for how long this is but PLEASEEE dont get bored i swear it gets good 😞😞 and i did write ambiguous ending but it does seem pretty straightforward so um… im sorry for that, this fic would've been MUCH MUCH LONGER than 22k words but i already beat my former wc record so i just cut a bunch of other unnecessary scenes 😶 alright thats enough of my yapping!! ily jj my bsf ever ty for listening to me ramble abt this endlessly in ur inbox 😊😊💗

CHENLE REMEMBERS IT LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY. his little feet sneakily took him away from the huge meeting room full of intimidating adults talking about gibberish, and slowly, they lead him to a much more enjoyable place. at the time, seven year old chenle couldn't figure out why his parents needed such a big meeting room, or why all of these important people came to the castle every few months, to him, those strangers were nothing but tryhards, greedy men and women who were never pleased no matter how much they were offered.

seven year old chenle could never truly figure out why his parents insisted on having him sit around with these other important adults, listening to them talk about the economy, kingdom relations, marriage, all this stuff that isn't interesting to seven year old boys.

the young prince found his feet leading him to a place of familiar comfort, the palace's own rose garden. he could never truly explain why the air surrounding the abundance of roses ever became of comfort to him, because roses are anything but comfortable to hold, but whenever he felt like father and mothers fights were getting too aggressive, he could just come here and everything would be okay.

the gardener, a woman by the name of mrs. qian, was always sweet to chenle, much sweeter than his father usually was. her son, qian kun, is basically chenle's older brother, the older boy often comes around whenever his mothers in work, and he tells chenle stories of what goes on at the village schools, the newest gossip and adventures he's gone on with his friends.

chenle often finds himself interested in the life of a commoner, they're all just so intriguing.. he can't believe the stories most of the time, but he is homeschooled, and has been holed up in this castle for as long as he can remember, so how he can prove or debunk any of these things? he just thinks that non-royals are some of the most entertaining people he knows, they're all so hilarious.

as soon as the seven year old chenle stepped into the rose garden, a feeling of relief seeps into his body. he takes in a deep breath, and finally allowed for his shoulders to slump, much too tired of having to keep his back straight all this time.

he lets himself relax into the atmosphere, finally away from the suffocated room full of adults seemingly speaking a language he could not understand. if that's what kings and queens have to do, chenle thinks he'd rather not take the throne.

the seven year old prince allowed for his eyes to scan the garden, it's empty. well that makes sense, mrs. qian isn't in today and neither is her son, they went on a holiday. he sighs to himself, he misses kun's company, but alas, no one is around.

chenle makes his way around to a specific rose bush, it has the most roses out of the bunch. seven year old chenle used to think the rose bushes were magic, the roses always grew so quickly, one day there'd be none and the next there'd be hundreds, it was purely shocking to the young prince.

chenle, as always, began tracing the shape of the roses with his finger. he finds them pretty, as he does all flowers. it might sound like he's being basic, but roses are probably his favorite of the bunch. they're just so beautiful, and most importantly— they're sharp.

but the seven year old chenle is startled out of his rose admiring due to a shout.

"hey! don't touch those!"

the young prince furrowed his eyebrows at the words, what's wrong with touching the roses? it's not like there are garden rules or anything. when chenle turned to the source of the shout, that's when he sees the person.

you, it was you. adorable seven year old you who ran up to him as quickly as you could, you stopped as soon as you made it his way, panting like you had just run a marathon. "don't touch the roses".

the young chenle blinked, puzzled. "why can't i touch them? i'm the prince you can't tell me what to do—"

"they're sharp! you're gonna hurt yourself see?" you pointed at chenle's hand, and he looked down, eyes widening as he came across the sight. his finger was bleeding, oh that's bad. "roses have thorns, you have to be careful".

chenle had no idea who you were then, but all he knew was that you were worried. your eyes were watering, as if you were going to burst into tears at any moment, and you took a deep breath as you slowly began freaking out over the small cut on the prince's index finger. "oh uh— i didn't even notice".

"it's okay really, god i have a bandaid don't i? hold on.." you mumbled, worried as ever as you began rummaging through your pockets, trying to find a bandaid to patch up the prince with.

"it's fine it's just a small cut i.." chenle paused in between his words, clearing his throat. "who are you?"

right, you were still a stranger, chenle had no idea who you were then, for all he could know, you had broken into the palace or something. you finally stopped looking through your pocket, your face went a bright red as you faced the prince again. "um my name is y/n, i'm the—"

"y/n honey? where did you run off to?"

now chenle recognized that voice, that was the voice of the palace's sweet medic. mrs. l/n had a voice that was like honey, she was easily one of chenle's favorite staff members, not only because she would always be there to wipe his tears when he scraped his knee, but she always offered him delicious candy. "oh! there you are!"

"good afternoon mrs. l/n" chenle politely greeted, and you let out a small sigh of relief at the sight of your mother, though that look of worry was still prominent in your eyes.

"chenle, how are you doing?" she reached over to ruffle the young prince's hair, which he accepted happily, giggling at the gesture. "i'm doing good, ma'am".

"he has a cut on his finger" you muttered to her, and a small 'ah' leaves her lips as she finally realized what was going on. "i wanted to help him but i didn't have any bandaids" you seemed disappointed in yourself, as your gaze immediately lowered to the floor.

"oh sweetie, it's okay" your mother shook your shoulder, reassuring you. "just remember to call me before running off".

"i'll remember, sorry".

the young prince blinked at the sight before him, though he continued to smile at the sight of your mother. "sorry for yelling at you, your highness" you muttered in your low voice, and all chenle did was shake his head, waving you off.

"it's alright you were just trying to help" chenle replied, he finds seven year old you to be the epitome of adorable, just the cutest person in the world.

"let's get you that bandaid yeah?"

chenle nodded, you nodded, and the two of you proceeded to follow your mother out of the garden and to her office.

when chenle thinks back to this moment, the moment he first met you, he likes to compare it to an explosive, just waiting to be lit, just waiting to be set off and destroy everything. when he thinks back to the first moment he met you, chenle can't help but reminisce about it.

after your mother helped him with his cut, the two of you.. talked. you talked about things all seven year old boys talk about, and it was one of the highlights of chenle's day, though he kept trying to make you drop the formalities and call him by his first name, you vehemently disagreed.

the two of you became friends (and just chenle calling the two of you "friends" was enough to almost send seven year old you into cardiac arrest), a royal and a commoner, but chenle never saw it that way, chenle has never seen it that way. a friend is a friend, regardless of status or their economic situation. yes chenle is at a great advantage, being the prince of the kingdom you lived in, but he never held it over you, he isn't like that.

you were— are a special friend to chenle. sometimes, it feels like the two of you have known each other your whole lives. you mean much more to him than he actually lets slip, but he'll never let that be known, even under kun's watchful eye and jisung's insistence on knowing if you two really are just "friends".

chenle spends a lot of time thinking about the day you two first met, it's like a looping episode of a show in his head.

"chenle? did you even hear me?"

no response.

a grunt of frustration is sounded in the room, but the prince doesn't react, much too busy zoned out as a specific memory replays in his head for the seventh time that hour.

"chenle! pay attention!"

the slam of a hand against the table, paired with the loud shout is enough to snap the now twenty one year old crown prince out of his little dazed memory recalling session. chenle startles, but he quickly lets his face relax, sighing as he rejoins the conversation he'd previously zoned out on. "what?"

chenle's mother pinches the bridge of her nose, an exasperated sigh escaping her lips. "marriage, chenle, that's what were talking about".

oh god, chenle resists the urge to groan. he isn't exactly on board with this whole marriage thing, but then again, he has no other choice, his father is gone and he's next in line for the throne, this is how it goes for each royal family, he should just suck it up and deal with it head on. "yeah yeah, sorry, i didn't sleep much last night".

it's not exactly a lie, these days usually have chenle plagued with some sort of sleeplessness, but that isn't the main reason he was zoned out, obviously. "alright.. anyway, i talked with the zhu's, we agreed that you and their daughter, yinuo, are to marry".

chenle recognizes the family name, unfortunately, he doesn't exactly recognize their daughter. "you're marrying me off to a stranger? what about the girls i actually know, suyin? jia? mingxia? they're actually my friends, i'd be much more comfortable with them than a princess i've never met".

"marriage doesn't work like that, chenle" the words are enough to make chenle grit his teeth, he bites his tongue, though. "all you have to do is merely get along with her enough that it looks like you're in love at the wedding, rule the kingdom, and have children".

chenle raises an eyebrow, rocking back and forth in his chair. "that sounds a tad bit dystopian, mother".

the older woman does nothing but narrow her eyes at chenle, a look he's become used to receiving from her at this point. "it's just how everything goes, le, i don't know what to tell you".

chenle bites his inner cheek, looking everywhere else in the room. he always knew marriage was a custom, if not out of true love, it would be out of convenience. chenle had been given so much time to go find a woman to fall in love with, but he didn't find it that easy, maybe he just has too many requirements when it comes to love. he doesn't exactly support the whole thing about creating new heirs, but he was born into this family for this reason, what is the point of being a king if not sacrificing his freedom for the happiness of others?

chenle has always known that he wouldn't exactly enjoy this part of his life, and his father just had to go early, he is very much upset, but he doesn't disclose those feelings to anyone. after his long minutes of silence, chenle stands up from the table, again facing his mother. "yes yes i get it, mother" he mutters, making his way over to his mother and pressing a kiss to her cheek, realizing that she was trembling in anxiousness. "don't worry about me, i'll be fine".

but would he really? chenle can't exactly determine that.

"HOW DID YOUR LITTLE MARRIAGE CONVERSATION GO?" QIAN KUN cannot contain his interest, immediately finding chenle and inquiring about his upcoming marriage. chenle can always go to kun to talk about things troubling his mind, the older is a person of solace for him, a comfort in this big castle that seems to be swallowing him whole. chenle is glad he has kun, even with how much he does tease him, he's truly grateful for the older. "whose the lucky lady?" the words are enough to get a groan out of chenle, who shoved his nose into his book.

"zhu yinuo".

kun's eyes widen, clearly he recognizes that name. "of azerene?"

chenle clicks his tongue, not sparing the older a glance. "yes, that one".

the older male hums, merely glancing at the crown prince. "why do you sound so uninterested? marriage should be a fun topic for you".

his teasing tone doesn't breeze past chenle, but the younger doesn't comment on it, focusing on the topic of the novel in his hands. "not when it's with a women i don't know, i'm just being placed into a union with a stranger, a stranger who i'm then going to have make babies with so that the treasurable zhong family lives on for generations and generations".

"well isn't that the whole point of royal families, though?" kun asks absentmindedly, it seems he meant to say that in his head, seeing as how he slaps a hand over his mouth immediately after the question escapes his lips, but chenle doesn't mind, getting offended over such a question is the last of his worries. "..sorry".

"it's alright" chenle responds, his voice a low echo in the expanse of a room. "it's how most things go anyway, i should know better than to question it".

"i just don't think it's fair" chenle only gives a mere hum, though he notices kun's tone of concern. "yeah you're supposed to create heirs at the end of the day, but not even with someone you love?"

"you ask too many questions".

kun scoffs, turning to chenle with a look of betrayal in his eyes. "i'm just saying what your thinking, chenle, i worry about you".

chenle, who sighs silently, finally closes his book and gives the older an indistinguishable look. "you don't have to worry about me, i'll be fine, i always am".

a lie, one as clear as day too. chenle doesn't exactly know how to explain what he feels, sometimes it feels like everything is bubbling up slowly, closing in on him and suffocating him to death. he assumes it's normal to feel like this, especially with people who don't talk about how they feel, but chenle doesn't know how to bring it up to people without making everything weird.

it's all just complicated.

chenle finally stands up, running a hand through his hair and folding the page of his book as to not lose his page. he makes his way over to kun, whose mindlessly folding his own clothes as he admires the butterfly tank before him.

the butterflies were an installment chenle begged for his father to get for him after he read a book on metamorphosis once, it was a gift for his twelfth birthday, though he wanted a room to be a whole conservatory for him, his father said that would be "unnecessary" (and as an adult, chenle is inclined to agree with that statement). he finds the winged beings to be beautiful, a kind of striking that only specific animals can replicate.

yes, chenle is a huge fan of butterflies, his love for them runs deep. he lightly taps the glass encasing the creatures with his nail, gaze laser focused on the flying insects and their bright colored wings.

"you say that all the time, but i can never truly tell if you are" kun finally responds after letting his answer wither in the silence of the room, his eyes wander over to chenle, who does nothing but admire the trapped butterflies before him.

the words get a small smile out of chenle, but he's not sure why, though they do make him smile. "i am fine, there's no need to look in further".

"you know me, i'm always going to look further".

chenle allows for himself to chuckle at the response. he's right about that.

he stares at the butterflies encased in the glass box, practically trapped against their own will. his mind wanders, the butterflies remind him of something very familiar.

but he pretends to have no idea what it is.

CHENLE OFTEN FINDS HIMSELF SLEEPLESS THESE DAYS. after the first two hours of insomnia took over, the crown prince decided to entertain himself by reading that book he's left off at earlier that day, but by the time he looked at the clock again, two more hours had passed, and he had finished the book which he once thought would enthrall him until his body gave into it's exhaustion. he lets his arm fall, placing the copy of strange case of dr. jekyll and mr. hyde onto his desk. he's still not tired, for some unknown reason. 

maybe another book will do the trick, chenle's mind tells him, and he agrees with that statement enough that he swings out of his bed and his feet grace the cold floor. it's cold, it's always cold at night, but chenle thinks it's always extra cold at night on purpose.

the crown prince tries his best to shake off the freezing temperature of the room, slipping on a fuzzy sweater and grabbing the lamp from his desk. if sleep isn't going to come him, he could at least spend some of the night in the library, it'll be a good way to pass time.

the library is a nice place of comfort, chenle has always been able to relax his mind the most when he's reading. reading is one of the easiest hobbies to have, because you're not tiring yourself out, but your also doing something fun (but chenle has learned that some people don't really describe reading as their idea of 'fun').

when chenle was younger, reading was really all he did. he was homeschooled, so the most lessons he got were three a day, mother and father never cared about what he had to tell them, dismissing his words as just idiotic child talk. no one ever gave him the time of day if they weren't forced to, so chenle quickly found comfort in the many books which littered the library.

by the time chenle was fourteen, he had already read most of the books in the library, and that includes the unnecessarily huge dictionary. he could almost always be found in the library if not in his room or the rose garden, immersing himself in another world of fiction or nonfiction.

the library is basically his second home, he's there all the time, engrossed in the literature which is all he can see.

the constant creaking of the old structure is all chenle can hear as he makes his way over to the library. at one in the morning, the palace is truly creepy, like one of those haunted buildings full of spirits that suddenly scare you in the night.

now, chenle isn't one to believe in the supernatural, but some of these nightly events in the castle truly can't be explained away. sometimes, he almost gives in to believing all of stories about paranormal activity happening in the castle, something about an old king going haywire and murdering his whole entire family.

father and mother would tell him the stories to scare him out of staying up late, saying that old king chen was gonna come out of the walls late at night and scare him if he ever tried to roam the palace halls past his bedtimes.

but chenle's an adult now, much too grown to be believing in some make believe ghost stories.

back to his mission of getting to the library with nothing but his tiny lamp, chenle sighs in the darkness of the empty halls, his sigh seemingly echoing in the silence and bouncing off the walls. he pauses to observe his barely lit surroundings, and he feels his stomach drop when he hears the sound of faint footsteps across the hall.

who else could be awake at this time?

"hello?"

chenle pauses again as he listens to the greeting. he recognizes that voice, it's you, chenle thinks he could recognize your voice from miles away. "y/n?" he calls out, he doesn't mean to do that, he just really wanted to say your name, is that such a crime? he doesn't think it is.

when you finally come into his like of vision, chenle lets out a sigh of relief, the pit in his stomach will hopefully go away now. for some reason, he feels much more safe with you here. "oh god you scared me ch— your highness".

ah, it's still the same, despite your long friendship, you still don't usually address chenle by his name. you always say it's because you have to "respect his title", but chenle doesn't really like it. he likes it more when you call him by his first name, even if it is disrespectful for a commoner to do such a thing.

chenle never cares when it's with you.

"you scared me" chenle emphasizes, taking in a deep breath. "my apologies".

"it's fine, uh.. why are you awake exactly?" you ask, though chenle wanted to ask you that, it seems you beat him to it. how funny. "if you don't mind me asking of course".

of course, all you ever really do is look after people, you take after your mother, it's evident to chenle that being a medic was your calling. "oh i can't sleep, i'm heading to the library to get a book that'll hopefully tire me".

you chuckle at the words, your laughter is pretty, chenle notes. "of course, you're always in that library, seems you spend most of your time reading" chenle laughs at your tone of voice, your teasing him, you talk like how your mother used to talk about him when you were children.

"reading is..fun".

those words seem to confuse you, and you blink, lightly tilting your head to the side. "i have never heard someone describe reading as fun, but i guess it makes sense for you".

chenle wants to ask about the meaning of those words, because they seem to have so many layers, but you begin again before he can even try to ask. "i heard about your new marriage" there's a certain distaste in your voice chenle can't exactly pinpoint. "congratulations".

chenle allows for himself to frown, his stomach curling in an uncomfortable way at just the thought of his new marriage. he doesn't want to talk about it, because it's just going to make him upset. "oh yeah it's quiet.. exciting news".

you pick up on his tone of disgust, his gritted teeth, and the way his eyes quickly cast around the room, but you stay silent. "anyway, i should be heading to the library, find a nice book, have any recommendations?"

you blink at the sudden question, scouring your mind for books you think the crown prince might be charmed by. "frenchman's creek by daphne du maurier".

chenle raises an eyebrow. "that's in the library?"

"yeah i uh— i read it a couple weeks ago, it was amazing" you mutter, trying to keep eye contact with the prince who was clearly trying to not look you in the eye. "i think you'll like it, i mean— i hope you do".

chenle hums, noting down your recommendation in his mind. "i'll make sure to read it then, thank you y/n, good night".

your eyes widen as you realize that it is indeed the middle of the night, and your conversation has to end eventually. "right right, it's no problem, good night your highness".

chenle frowns again at the sound of his title escaping your lips, but he doesn't say anything, just gives you a small smile and walks past you and towards the library.

he doesn't see you watch him walk away, he's much too busy thinking about how much he wants you to say his name.

"ARE YOU ALRIGHT? YOU LOOK TIRED" THE WORRYING tone in his fiancée's voice doesn't breeze past chenle, but he pays it no mind, ignoring the question. yinuo blinks, clearly expecting the silence, chenle's mother did say he's prone to giving people the "cold shoulder". she sighs, reaching out to touch his shoulder but immediately pulling back, he probably wouldn't like that. "chenle.."

"i'm fine" chenle replies faster than he intends, he brushes off any dust that might be on his shoulder and rubs his right eye. "i just lost a few hours of sleep that's all" he states rather unconvincingly, but yinuo doesn't comment more, just sighs again.

chenle holds out his arm, which the princess quickly links with hers, an indescribable emotion in his eyes. "let's just get this over with.." he shakes his head, feeling a hand of support from his future wife run up and down his back. "the faster we get through with this the faster we both get out of here".

yinuo is happy to know chenle doesn't despise her, he's just not comfortable with her, and chenle, he really is trying his best, he might be coming off as rude, but he just isn't on board with this whole thing. "they're all so extra, making us do this.."

"right, the least they could do is make us enter at different times but no, we have to do this walk in together like were walking down the aisle".

chenle glances down at their linked arms, letting a sigh escape his lips as the two of them finally exit the room they had been put into together. starting their way off to the meeting room down the hall, chenle allows for his mind to wander, he can't be focused on his fiancée or upcoming marriage, he's much too focused on other things.

you, namely.

the crown prince can't focus on what's going on when the only thing prominent in his mind is you. yeah your exchange last night was a short one, but it was also a memorable one. after weeks of going back and forth with things that just didn't make sense, and a mind that was in a frenzy, just talking to you in the middle of the night was enough to relax chenle.

you two haven't been able to talk in the past few weeks.. evidently, chenle is a prince to be king who has to focus on ruling a kingdom and your a medic who has to focus on taking care of others. you two have no time to be friends now that you're adults, it doesn't help that chenle now has all this added pressure on him, and you clearly feel like he's become a stranger.

chenle guesses the.. power imbalance is what's driving this. he's apart of the royal family, a crown prince, set to take the crown and become king, your a commoner, someone who lives just above the poverty line, the only reason you're able to stay afloat is because you took up your mothers position as the palace's medic, but even then, you can almost barely take care of her.

chenle hates thinking about it, because the two of you used to be so close, an unbreakable pair, two boys who couldn't be separated even with the differences between you two. your ranks in society never bothered you, never disturbed your friendship, never disturbed you as a pair, it never mattered. he often finds himself reminiscing on those times, the times where he could see you without his mind listing everything he had to do after that.

"chenle? are you listening?"

chenle blinks out of his daze, arm still linked with yinuo's as he gazes at his future father in law. he pretends to not see the look of worry the woman on his arm sends him, clearing his throat. "yeah, my apologies".

"uh huh, my regards to you, i know the sudden.. passing of the king was hard on you, and we hope your grieving well".

so your throwing your daughter at me, how great. chenle laughs in his mind, tongue poking through his inner cheek, he already knew he wasn't going to like where this was going. "now, about the marriage—"

chenle tunes him out easily, letting out a silent sigh which his mother hears, sending him a glare from across the room as the breath escapes his lips. he doesn't pay any mind to the look from his mother, though he knows she's quickly getting annoyed with how he isn't paying attention.

the discussion is exactly how chenle thought it'd be, the parents discuss everything and just assume their children agree from the get go, they don't even bother asking them their thoughts, or even how they felt, they just threw them into this like they were some baby making machines.

chenle guesses it's just how the cycle goes, his parents had to go through this, and so did their parents before them, and their parents before them, and so on. this is how things work, chenle can't run away from his fate, even with how much he opposes this arrangement.

"and for children.." just the mention of children is enough to make both chenle and yinuo tense, but they both play it off as the cold of the room making them flinch. "you can decide how many you want, but more than one would be nice, and especially a son would be nice".

of course, chenle sings in his head. he wonders how much they'll have to drill that into their heads, some stupid importance men have or something. he glances at his fiancée, whose trembling in her place beside him. he places a gentle hand on her back. "it's alright, calm down" he whispers enough so that she can hear it over the chatter of her father and mother.

"this is not fun".

"yeah, tell me about it" the crown prince grits his teeth, his comment eliciting a small laugh out of the woman beside him. he has to admit, he does enjoy her company.

"ah, i see you two are getting along!"

upon hearing the remark, the two pause, an awkward silence spreading between them. they exchange a small glance before chenle clears his throat, speaking up. "yeah um.. this was a nice meeting, we can continue chatting about the marriage another time, we thank you for coming, the guards will escort you out".

though chenle smiles at his future in laws, he feels nothing but nauseous the whole time.

"WHERE ARE YOU HEADING, YOUR HIGHNESS?" THE QUESTION from kun isn't enough to make chenle stop in his tracks, and he continues his way down the hall. kun blinks as the younger ignores him, furrowing his eyebrows. he then lets out a sigh, letting his hands drop as his eyes stay pointed at the crown prince. "chenle? where are you going?" chenle still doesn't stop, but he seems to acknowledge the older this time.

"to the rose garden" he responds quickly, only getting another eyebrow furrow from the older. he finally stops, turning towards the other with a look that kun cannot exactly pinpoint at the current moment. "if you need me, i'll be there".

"is something wrong?"

chenle takes in a breath, gritting his teeth. curse qian kun for being so caring, curse him for always knowing when something's up. he's quick to shake his head, mustering the fakest of fake smiles. "nothing's wrong! i just need fresh air!"

kun blinks, totally not buying that horrible lie, but he doesn't say anything about it, just mutters a small "okay" and lets chenle be on his way. chenle didn't mean to lie to kun, he just doesn't know how to explain his feelings at the current moment.

so, he gives the older a small smile, turning on his heel and making a beeline towards the titular rose garden, the one that's given him so much comfort over these past few years. he doesn't know why just the presence of everyone in that room was enough to make him want to throw up, but his anxieties wouldn't settle, he can't bear to stay inside this castle much longer.

chenle has no idea why the feeling of suffocation is constantly overtaking him these days, but the walls are slowly pushing in on him, leaving him breathless and nothing more than a weak human vessel.

when chenle does finally step outside, met by a plethora of roses and the smell of pollen in the air, the pit in his stomach doesn't settle. instead of letting out a sigh of relief, he pauses in his tracks, allowing for his eyes to roam the area he'd grown to love as a child.

chenle sighs, not of relief, but sighs with another indescribable feeling he can't explain, walking up to a display of white roses. he knows they're sharp, your old warnings flash in his head as he stares at the pretty flowers before him, tracing them with his fingers as he's always done when in the rose garden.

"don't hurt yourself again, your highness".

it's when chenle hears you that he immediately jumps, but then he relaxes, slowly. what were the odds of this happening again? you seem to read his mind, because you chuckle at the expression which graces his features. chenle raises an eyebrow, a humored smile coming to his face. "you sure you actually have bandaids this time?"

the reference makes you snicker, looking down at the floor as you turn away from your childhood friend. you rummage through your pocket, finally pulling out a bandaid, one which wasn't present when you were seven and yelling for chenle to not touch the roses. "there you go, now you won't cut your finger".

for once today, chenle suddenly feels relaxed, it's always with you, isn't it? his mind notes that down, he'll remember it for later. he takes the bandaid from you, a smile coming to his face as the nostalgia settles on him. "thank you, you're always looking after everyone, you sure know how to do your job".

the words make you pause, but you don't look at chenle as you think of a response, instead turning to the white roses displayed in front of you. you lightly poke them, letting out a small hum of affirmation. "well, what kind of medic would i be if i didn't look out for others? i'd be an idiot to ever let our highness get hurt".

chenle's lips turn up, and he laughs in just the slightest, but he isn't sure why he laughs. there's just something about you that makes chenle feel at ease, you calm his worries without even having to do anything, it's not like he's even telling you about these worries either, but the anxiety he once felt seems to be nothing now.

spending time with you calms chenle, he wants to preserve as much of this time as possible.

"i started reading your recommendation" chenle suddenly blurts out, wanting to continue a conversation with you. he doesn't know how limited your time will be. "frenchman's creek.. i like it so far, it's an interesting choice, though".

you raise an eyebrow. "why's that?"

"i didn't peg you for an enjoyer of pirate romances" chenle shrugs, and he quickly looks away, not wanting to stare at you for too long, because he doesn't think he'd be able to look away.

"well i don't like limiting my interests to one genre, you'd know about that".

chenle blinks, the words striking him in a way only the words you say can. how do you always manage to do that? it's not really the words, it's just how you say them, even if you don't make your intentions clear, chenle always knows what you mean. "it always manages to surprise me, i'm not sure what's gonna happen next".

you click your tongue, a small smile coming to your face. "just so you know, it doesn't have a happy ending".

chenle gasps, overdramatizing the volume of his voice. "you're giving me spoilers? in the rose garden?" his words make you snicker, and you pick a white rose from the bush, unfazed by the thorns which slowly sink into your fingers.

"i didn't spoil anything specific" you finally turn back to chenle, twirling the rose between your fingers. "just told how it was gonna end up.." you mutter, stepping closer to chenle unconsciously. you look at up, suddenly anxious as ever. "may i?" you ask, motioning towards the rose with your eyes.

chenle blinks, his mind going blank for a few seconds. what do you want to do exactly? he gazes at your hands fidgeting on the stem of the flower, and the pieces slowly put themselves together in his brain. are you going to..? "i— yes, sure.."

you raise an eyebrow, not really trusting the seemingly hesitant consent chenle had given, but he clears his throat, reiterating it for you; "yes, you can".

upon hearing the answer, you step closer once again, placing the rose into his hair, your careful to not hurt chenle, and especially careful because you don't want the stem to get tangled in chenle's hair. "i.. i thought it'd look nice on you, and it does, you look— you look great".

chenle blinks, a sudden red hue coloring his cheeks. it's such a basic compliment, one he's been given many times by other people, but it feels different coming from you.

it's always different when it's with you.

chenle clears his throat, unable to prevent a smile from crossing his face. you don't look at him anymore, looking away to prevent yourself from burning up, but you allow for a smile to come to your face as you think about the action you just performed.

you have no idea why you're so giddy about this.

"oh um.." chenle pauses, laughing awkwardly. "thank you, that's very sweet".

"oh it's no problem i just— i uh, it compliments your hair".

chenle hums, looking down at the floor. he hopes you don't see his face burning, and you hope he doesn't see your face burning, it's such a hilarious thing, but you both are much too flustered to find your current circumstances amusing. "you have an eye for those things too?"

"well i have an eye for many things".

i can see that, chenle doesn't say that, though, just smiles at you. you only give him a mere glance, and a small smile yourself. "it was nice seeing you, ch— your highness" you notice how your correction makes chenle frown, but you continue. "i'll be off now, have a good day".

chenle only frowns again when he realizes your time together is over, he wants to continue the conversation, wants to try to use an excuse, wants to use his power to order you to stay, but he doesn't give into the desires he wants so badly, just nods. "oh uh, don't let me keep you here".

you chuckle. "i wouldn't really mind if you did".

the words have an unspoken affect on chenle, an affect that he can't exactly explain, but he can feel. he can feel it in the way his ears heat up and his stomach flips. "alright then, bye y/n".

"bye".

and as chenle watches you leave, the feeling of anxiety he'd entered the garden with seemed to wither away, dissolving away like it was nothing.

he thinks about your 'bye' for hours, unable to get the sound of your voice out of his bed.

"HOW HAVE YOU BEEN THESE DAYS?" CHENLE doesn't answer immediately, as always these days. he skims the row of books before him, fidgeting with the one in his hands. he's not ignoring his friend, he's just focused on other things. "fine" he responds, grunting as he lightly struggles to pull the book from the shelf, but he doesn't ask for help. he doesn't need help. "what's with that look?"

park jisung blinks at his longtime friend, raising a suspicious eyebrow at him. "you don't look fine".

chenle scoffs, suddenly feeling super defensive. he doesn't look at jisung anymore, the other is going to begin to annoy him if he keeps staring at him. "what do you know about looking fine?"

he hears jisung's sigh of defeat. "well i'm just concerned for you, we haven't talked in a while, you've been so busy preparing for your coronation and.. marriage".

chenle resists the urge to roll his eyes. "my coronation isn't for another three months, preparations have all been lackluster".

"and the marriage?"

chenle snaps his head towards jisung, giving him an indescribable look. jisung is quick to shut his mouth, not wanting to face chenle's terrifying wrath. the older prince glares dangerously at the younger, who chuckles awkwardly and scratches his hand. he doesn't have to say anything, but jisung knows he should probably change the subject.

"uh.. um, are you still friends with that medic kid?"

now that is a question chenle wasn't expecting. a question about you? when he snaps his head over at jisung for the second time, the younger almost freezes, noticing the pointed look in his eyes. "what?"

"y/n, the medic kid!" jisung reiterates, clearly thinking the issue is that chenle didn't hear him the first time. "his mom used to work here, right? is he still around?"

chenle narrows his eyes, puzzled at where jisung is trying to go with this.. question. he'd been dealt with a fair amount of teasing from his friend because of how much closer the two of you seemed, jisung often questioned how much of a "friend" you really were to chenle, but the older would always combat it with a glare and snappy insult as a response.

"yes he's still around.. he took over mrs. l/n's position".

jisung blinks dumbly. "oh? what happened to her?"

just the question is enough to put a sour taste in chenle's mouth. "she just couldn't go on any longer one day, she retired a few years ago and he took over her position".

"you don't know what happened to her?"

"y/n didn't tell me anything specific" chenle is beginning to get annoyed. he knows it's in jisung's nature to be curious like this but god, if he wanted to know these things so bad he could've just asked you. "just go ask him if you're so curious".

he hears a small "hmph" sound from jisung before the younger prince sounds again. "i will then! y/n! hey!"

chenle didn't actually think you'd be passing by the library at that exact moment, but you were. you pause, backtracking as you look into the library, blinking at the jumping prince before you. "uh— hi, your highness, what do you need me for?"

jisung is quick to chuckle, waving off your use of formalities. "please, there's no need to be so formal, were friends after all!"

you only respond with a small smile, giving chenle a mere glance. "i'm just doing what i'm supposed to, i can't call you by your name.."

"well right now, you're going to call me by my name" jisung demands, which makes you snicker. he really hasn't changed. you look down at the floor, hands picking at your nails. "your allowed to, right chenle?"

chenle was not expecting to be included in this conversation. is jisung reading his mind or something? how could he seem to tell exactly what chenle wanted to say? he feels his face heat up, but he isn't exactly sure why it does that. "i mean— yeah, yes, were friends".

jisung then turns back to you, a clear 'see?' expression on his face as he smiles in victory at chenle proving him right. you chuckle at chenle's response, smiling again, but it's much more directed at chenle this time. "fine then, jisung, what do you need me for?"

jisung then walks towards you, placing a hand on your shoulder (a hand chenle is suddenly laser focused on) almost as if to reassure you. "how have you been?"

your eyebrows furrow. it's not a weird question to ask, you just weren't expecting for him to ask a question. you share another confused glance with chenle, then snickering lightly. "fine.. i uh— i've just been trying my best, as always".

jisung hums, his finger going up to caress your cheek lightly, a finger which chenle again laser focuses on, he can't help but narrow his eyes at jisung, wondering what the hell is he doing?

"uh huh, and how's your mother?"

at the mere mention of your mother, you seem to go still, pausing as you let jisung's question simmer into the air. you try your best to collect your words, opening your mouth to speak, but then you close it, as if wanting to keep your thoughts to yourself.

chenle picks up on your sudden silence, as if he could feel your heightened anxieties, he speaks up; "are you alright, y/n?" he asks, concern lacing his tone as he sees the worry in your eyes as you think about your mother.

you snap out of your little daze, clearing your throat as you nod. "yeah yeah, i uh— i'm fine, mom is.. she's doing okay".

"okay?"

"she's sick" you blurt quickly, fingers fidgeting at shirt collar. "but she's doing much better now, i'm taking care of her and everything.." you look away from the two royals, scratching your cheek out of habit.

"oh, oh my god i didn't know she was sick" jisung realizes how awkward he made the situation. "um, i wish her the best".

chenle doesn't say anything, he sees the way you glance around the room, desperately trying to think about everything else. "yeah, tell her i said hi" he states immediately, and you finally stop looking around the room to look at chenle, he notices that look in your eyes, the one where it seems like your about to cry, but you're holding in your tears.

even with all that, you smile at chenle, as if his words had healed you in some way. "i'll make sure to do that, i uh.. i have to go now, i don't want for anyone to die while i stand here".

jisung's eyes widen, and he gasps. "right! go go, you have a job to do, sorry for holding you up" you dismiss his words with a wave, jisung is still so cute, as cute as he was when you were children.

"it's fine really, you actually kind of made my day".

"well i'm happy that i could!"

you smile again at jisung, then smile lightly at chenle, who almost wants to jump towards you and trap you in a tight hug. "thank you, your hi— jisung" you quickly correct yourself, clearing your throat. "i'll see you some other time, and you chenle, i'll see you later".

chenle allows for himself to go red at the words, what do you mean by later? he tries his best to register the words, and the fact that you just called him by his name after what seems like forever, but he doesn't say anything, even though he feels jisung's gaze burning holes into his head. "later? yeah, later".

chenle has no idea why he agreed.

it's you, that's why he agreed.

WHEN CHENLE FINDS HIMSELF SLEEPLESS AGAIN that very night, he doesn't even think before raising out of his bed and deciding he was going to go to the library. he stares at the copy of frenchman's creek on his desk, mind immediately flashing with thoughts of you. he feels the structure of the book cover with his finger, blinking as he weighs his options for a moment. he could go back to sleep, but he could also go to the library and entertain himself with more literature.

"i already got up anyway.." chenle mutters to himself, grabbing the book on his desk and the situated lamp on his desk. he doesn't mind the chills which course through his body, though it's cold, the cold is no longer a bother to him, he's much too busy thinking about books (and you) anyway..

when chenle leaves his room, he notices the halls aren't as dark as they were the other time he walked them when he went to the library the other night. he blinks into the halls, the air practically pushing against him the moment he leaves his room. chenle allows for himself to let out a weary breath, no one is around to watch him be vulnerable anyway.

as he steps out of his room, the floor of the old structure creaking under his feet, he feels a breeze of cold air rush past him, but for some unknown reason, he doesn't shiver.

chenle doesn't allow for himself to stand by and simply breath any longer, so, he takes himself down the hallway, his feet leading him to his familiar place of solace (well second most at least). he notices how the hallway seems to be more lit, he could see torches as he passed through the long corridors, eyes trained on the paintings which situated themselves on the walls.

there have always been paintings decorating the walls, paintings which dictate the many generations of the zhong family. chenle watched as a kid as an artist was appointed to paint him, father, and mother, a new painting to place on the timeline of the zhong dynasty which would extend across the entire palace.

as chenle spends more time thinking about it, it dawns on him, he's going to be displayed on the wall in a painting one day as the king. one day he's going to have to sit down with yinuo and their inevitable child as an artist uses several colors on a canvas to create a painting of the next zhong generation, and his eventual child is going to have to walk past it every time they make it through this expanse of a hallway.

chenle used to enjoy staring at the paintings, used to love watching the process of paintings being created, but now, with father gone, chenle can't bring himself to glance at the painting situated on the wall without feeling nauseous. every time he tries to look at it, a silent breath has to escape his lips, or else he feels like he's going to collapse onto the floor.

he developed a habit of speed walking past the final portrait in the hallway after fathers passing, he could never look at his face again after having to watch the life slowly fade away from his eyes. he can't even look at a photograph of his father anymore without wanting to throw up everywhere.

when chenle makes it to the library, having walked very fast past the last painting in the hallway, he pushes open the doors immediately, wanting so badly to escape the suffocating hallway.

when chenle does make it into the room, he's quick to close the door behind him, but he startles when he notices that someone else is in the room. he blinks and narrows his eyes at the figure in the room, then, he relaxes as he quickly realizes who it is.

it's you.

chenle feels himself calm in just the slightest upon knowing it's you in the room and not some other staff member. it's not that chenle has anything against the other staff, it's just.. it's different with you.

how many times does his mind have to conjure that up as an excuse?

chenle ignores the reprimanding voice, it's one he vaguely recognizes, it's not his voice, it's a distant voice that he thinks he could recognize if he focused hard enough.

but he can't, because you notice him, seemingly reading his thoughts as you turn back to make eye contact with the crown prince. "hi".

"hi" chenle replies easily, it's awkward, of course it's awkward, it's the middle of the night. his eyes dart away from yours, immediately scouring the library. you allow for yourself to snicker at his lack of attention on you, and he notices, now staring dead at you. "what?"

"nothing nothing" you mutter, dismissing it with a wave of your hand. chenle wants to ask about it, but he doesn't, just looks down at the floor. "how was it?"

"huh?"

"the book" you clarify, glancing down at the copy of frenchman's creek chenle has in his hands. chenle quickly feels his face heat up, of course you were referring to the book, what else would you be talking about? the air in the room? his walk down the halls? how he's doing? you patiently wait for his answer, flipping through a book in your hands as you let out a sigh.

"oh uh— it's a surprise, that's for sure, i didn't expect to enjoy it as much as i did, i didn't enjoy the ending, though".

you raise an eyebrow, but a smile comes to your face. "why not?"

chenle finally unfreezes and steps closer to you, the book tucked in his arms as he stands beside you, your shoulders lightly brushing against each other. your eyes finally gaze over at his, and when the two of you make eye contact, it's brief. chenle blinks, and he allows for his lips to turn up, he thinks you look very pretty in this moment, the lighting of the library emphasizing your features.

beautiful, he's beautiful, chenle, a voice sings in his head, a voice which is, again, familiar, but he can't exactly determine who it is.

"i wanted dona and jean to get their happy ending, i was rooting for them".

you hum, seemingly expecting that answer, your eyes shift towards the shelf before you, focused on the books which litter it. "well, i like to think it's realistic, it's not often that people get their happy endings, even if they do deserve it".

chenle takes in your words, it seems like such a you thing to say. "i would've preferred if they did have a happy ending, though, it's why i read fiction in the first place".

"you read fiction because..?"

"it's like an escape from reality".

the words make you pause, and for a second, chenle thinks he must've said something wrong, he can't read the look on your face. he blinks up at you, your silence taking him off guard. "i mean, i guess that makes sense".

you seem to want to say something else, you seem to have a lot of thoughts on your mind, but you don't disclose any of them, just smile. "so, did you like the book?..your highness".

you hesitated before saying it, and chenle knows you wanted to say his name, but you stopped yourself, as always. he feels his gut curl in an uncomfortable way, and he clears his throat.

"y/n?"

"yes?"

chenle takes a deep breath. "were friends" he states immediately, and he notices the way you begin to avoid his eyes, looking everywhere but at him. "were friends, we've known each other since we were seven, you can call me by my name".

the truthful statement makes you pause, and you begin to scour your mind for excuses. "i can't call you by your name, your a noble and i'm a—"

"that's an order".

your mouth closes immediately, you can't argue with that, you can't really argue with anything chenle says. chenle seems pleased by his victory, a small smile showing on his face. you quickly scoff, turning your head away from your childhood friend. "of course you can just do that".

"i just.. it doesn't matter if you work here, your my friend, you can call me by my name".

"alright then, your— chenle, did you like the book?"

chenle chuckles lightly, oh he loves the way you say his name. he remembers when you were younger, you'd always pronounce his name wrong, it frustrated you so much that you would just call him 'le' instead of his full name.

"i did, it was an enjoyable book, the plot made me crave more, i just.. i can't believe it ended like that".

"your still mad about it?"

"yes i'm mad about it! i need my happy ending for my pirate love story!"

you giggle at his words, you giggle, chenle can't believe it. he just made you giggle, in the dead of night, in the palace library, he made you giggle. you take the book away from his hands, placing it back between the other books in the romance section. "sadly, most love stories don't end that way".

chenle sighs, clicking his tongue. "i hate when that happens, i'd like to have just a little hope that true love actually works in the end.."

you chuckle again, shaking your head. "i never thought you'd be a fan of happy endings and stuff like that".

chenle raises an eyebrow, puzzled by the words. "why's that?" he asks, sounding just the slightest bit offended at the statement. you blink, and he guesses that you notice his tone of offense. you find it humorous, and chenle furrows his eyebrows this time.

"i don't know, i guess you struck me as the kind of person who'd enjoy bittersweet endings, you know, you seem to enjoy tragic love stories".

"i do enjoy tragic love stories" chenle makes sure to emphasize his point, and he quickly looks away from you. "but i also like when they have good endings, sometimes, love stories need their happy endings".

"that's cute" you comment, and chenle allows for a smile to come to his face. you didn't call him cute, per se, but it's still enough to make his cheeks go red. he should not be flustered, that's ridiculous, that's— he can't be flustered.

you don't mind his silence, instead walking over to another shelf to see what other books are there. chenle pokes his tongue against his inner cheek, watching you intently. the red dusting his cheeks doesn't go away, it just seems to amplify as you have your back towards him. "it's cute?"

"yeah, i can see where you're coming from, not all love stories need to be.. realistic, if it makes you feel better when the lovers have a happy ending, than who am i to judge?"

chenle rocks back and forth on his heels, letting out a small hum at your words. "so you're the kind of guy who enjoys tragic love stories with horrible endings?"

"on most occasions, yes".

you seem to finally find a book that you'll enjoy, because you pick one from the shelf and turn back to chenle. "so how are you feeling?"

"what?"

you merely glance at chenle, than glance back down at the book in your hands and read the synopsis on the back of it. "how are you feeling these days? you have a lot of new things being stacked on you now, you must be stressed out".

chenle allows for his jaw to drop in just the slightest, it's not like people don't ask him about how he feels, it's that he can't believe you noticed the mini battle he was having with himself. he can't believe you would even be concerned about how he was feeling, he felt like most people wouldn't care about what he was going through anyway.

"oh it's.." chenle pauses, truly not being able to actual formulate coherent words. "well it's a lot, but nothing i haven't been taught how to handle by father".

your face forms into an unreadable expression, one chenle hates because he doesn't exactly know what kind of expression it is. "they prepare you for things like this?"

"well.. mostly, but even with all the excessive lessons, it all kinds of goes to my head and makes my head spin, sometimes it feels like the palace is suffocating me, taking the air out of my lungs and leaving me helpless, sometimes— i don't know, i feel like i'm being swallowed by some horrible force which just wants to make me suffer, i'm not sure why i feel like this really but—"

chenle stops, clearing his throat as he quickly averts his gaze from yours. he has no idea where that vomit of words came from, but he feels if he continues talking, he's going to say something that he'll regret. you don't answer immediately, so chenle decides to speak up once again. "i'm sorry, i have no idea where that came from it's just.. i don't know, pretend i didn't say anything".

"don't apologize, it's good to talk about things like that once in a while, bottling everything up will just overwhelm you even more".

"it's just, i don't talk to people about things like this".

"why not?"

chenle shrugs, not really sure how to answer that question. "i feel they're sort of..unnecessary, i know i can't control how i feel but my feelings have never really felt important in most situations".

"they're important to me".

the words make chenle pause, his ears reddening and a sputter in his voice as he tries his best to respond to that statement. the words are so simple, but they have such a lasting effect on the crown prince that he can't really respond to them. you care, you care, he cares! that one inner voice screams in his head. he feels his heart begin beating sporadically, it's.. god he's so grateful for you. "oh.. uh, really?"

you smile, chuckling softly. "yeah they are, you shouldn't ever feel like they aren't".

chenle feels his stomach flip, you're so sweet. "i.. thank you, y/n".

chenle hopes you don't notice his red face as you spend the rest of the night conversing about several kinds of literature.

"ARE YOU NERVOUS?" CHENLE MAKES THE MISTAKE OF taking a weary breath when that question is asked. he hears the chuckle of amusement sound from his fiancée's lips, and he allows for a small smile to show on his face. "no" he responds, clearly lying, but yinuo doesn't seem to catch it, as he begins to pick at the fabric of her dress. he turns to her, noticing the clear anxiety she displays.

"i am" she responds, putting on her gloves and rubbing a scar on her knuckles. "i've never really been a big fan of.. crowds" she states, her tone exhibiting disgust as she says the word 'crowds'. chenle has been able to pick up on her habits pretty easily, he has spent much more time with her these days after all.

chenle hums at the response, he gets it, even as he grew up having to get used to these kinds of events, it never got easier. the pit in his stomach would often never cease, that nauseating feeling only heightened, and he could just barely mask the anxious expression on his face. "i get that, they're all too loud".

"i mean, do they really care about us that much? they can't just wait until the wedding.."

the sentence makes chenle snicker as he notices the mere irritation in her tone. "they all just want something to do, i guess" he mutters, pulling his sleeve over his wrist and repeating a reassuring mantra in his head.

it's nothing you haven't done before, chenle, just get it over with, and you'll be fine. chenle thinks if he focuses enough, he can hear his father's voice repeating the mantra to him in his head.

he caresses his wrist lightly, settling in the air of the room. he can hear the faint sound of people cheering outside, and just the sound is enough to make his stomach begin flipping, the anxiety is already heightening. "all that just to see us?"

"they want to see how in love we can look".

"seems unnecessary".

"it is unnecessary".

chenle laughs again, finally walking over to his fiancée and linking their arms together. he sighs, looking down at the floor. "you sure you're not nervous?" she asks once again, raising a curious eyebrow as she notices chenle's change in behavior.

"okay maybe i am a little nervous but that's besides the point".

yinuo laughs, humored by chenle's blatant honesty. he simply gives a small smile, turning to the door of the room and letting out another small breath. they have to face a crowd, a crowd of people who are here to see them and celebrate their totally real love, a crowd who are there to watch as they are confirmed future husband and wife, they're going to get married and have children that go on to take the throne, they have to look in love, they have to.. act in love.

chenle doesn't know how in love he can look, he might get too overwhelmed and throw up right then and there. just the idea of having to do all of this is enough to make him want to cry, and he never thought he'd ever think that, because he doesn't cry, he shouldn't cry, father taught him that enough through ear shattering yells and broken glass.

he hates feeling vulnerable, but in a moment like this, having to mask his feelings in front of a crowd of people who don't know any better, who probably don't care, vulnerability is his one true feeling.

he closes his eyes, taking another deep breath as he tries his best to ignore the anxiety settling upon him.

"chenle!"

chenle snaps out his anxious daze at the shout of his name, recognizing the voice as kun, who he remembers he forgot to greet this morning, as he was in a rush.

but it's not just kun, it's also you, and chenle almost falls to the floor and dies right then and there. kun has his fingers wrapped around your wrist, there's a smile on his face (and yours, chenle thinks your smile is so so pretty). "oh, hi kun, y/n".

look at both of them, chenle, not just y/n.

but for once, chenle doesn't listen to the reprimanding voice in his head.

he doesn't even check how in love with you he must look, just a few seconds ago he was freaking out over how he was supposed to look in love with the woman beside him, but he has no problem looking in love with you.

but he doesn't exactly realize that, too busy admiring you clear as day.

"i— we just wanted to wish you good luck" kun nudges you lightly, and you let out a small laugh as you look away nervously, a red hue tinting your cheeks as you avoid chenle's eyes. "both of you, your highness" he adds, bowing lightly at yinuo and nudging you so you can do the same.

yinuo just smiles, lightly laughing, but chenle is stuck in place, mesmerized by you and.. just you. "thank you, i have to say, everyone here is insanely sweet, i feel welcome".

"well that's my job, i can't have any future queens feeling uncomfortable".

the statement from kun makes you snort, and you shove him in the shoulder. you look away from him to glance at chenle, who is still lost in his mind, you furrow your eyebrows as you watch the cogs in his brains turn, what is he thinking so hard about?

"chenle" you call out.

seemingly snapping out of the trip inside of his mind, chenle looks up at you, hoping it isn't obvious that he's affected by your soft calling of his name. "good luck" you reiterate, a small whisper seemingly shared between only the two of you.

chenle feels his face heat up immediately, eyes widening at the sight of your pretty smile. "thank you, both of you, thank you".

chenle doesn't look over at yinuo when she gives him a weird look.

"right! again, good luck! y/n and i have to go do something right y/n?"

you seem to be puzzled by that comment, chenle determines that by the way your eyebrows furrow. "what? but i thought we were supposed to—"

"alright! good luck you two come on y/n let's go!" kun gives a quick smile and grabs your wrist again to drag you away from the newly engaged couple, who watch as you two make your way down the hall towards another part of the palace.

"weird.." chenle mutters.

"so what was that?" yinuo is quick to ask, making chenle snap his head towards her, clearly not expecting for her to ask him a question.

"what was what?"

"that, chenle" she reiterates, alluding to the little (not so little) lovesick gaze chenle had trained on you for that whole interaction. it's clear that, even with how chenle didn't check the adoration he was staring at you with, she definitely did. "you looked so smitten".

chenle allows for his expression to form into one of shock, what does she mean by that? what the fuck does she mean by that? that makes no sense, it's not like he's in love with you or anything, that would be absurd! that would be—

that wouldn't be entirely out of the picture, think about yourself chenle, the most shocking thing here would be you having no romantic feelings for him.

chenle is about to punch himself in the face for having such thoughts.

"i have no idea what your talking about".

"chenle, i know i don't know you personally like that, but i have never seen you look at someone like you look at him! what is his name? y/n? he has to have you under a spell or something, you were mesmerized".

chenle wants to say that those words are stupid, he wants to spit out some quick rebuttal and have them be on their way, but he can't muster up a coherent excuse for what she just described. how is he supposed to argue with that?

"well, y/n does know how to keep people on the hook".

"seems you enjoy being kept on the hook".

the statement makes chenle pause, and he feels his face burn once again, not at the words, but just at the thought of you, god he misses your presence already, is that weird to say? he's glad he doesn't say it out loud.

"it doesn't matter anyway, what am i supposed to do? tell him about it? not with how everything is turning out.. were getting married in a few months".

"but you're not in love with me" yinuo replies, she's sure of her words, she just knows, chenle almost feels like she's reading his mind. "you want him".

"i can't have him" chenle states as if it's a matter of fact, and it's true, he can't have you. it makes his heart hurt, the idea that even with how much he feels for you, how different it is with you, and how he's had these indescribable feelings for you since he was like eleven, he can't have you.

chenle can't run from his fate, the last thing he wants to do is break the rules, challenge a system that's been in place for pretty much decades at this point.

"you're not going to break the rules for true love?"

chenle just lets a disappointed sigh escape his lips, his stomach flips uncomfortably and he feels his head begin spinning, this topic makes him want to die in the worst way possible. "true love doesn't exist" he states rather harshly. god, he sounds like father, if seven year old chenle heard himself now, he'd grimace at the words and scowl at his new nature.

his heart aches as he utters those words, he can't help but think about you as he says those words.

good god, he feels so helpless.

"MOTHER, CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?" NINE YEAR OLD CHENLE liked to ask questions. chenle has always liked to ask questions, being curious is in his nature, it's just that unlike jisung, he's less annoying about it. when this question popped into his nine year old brain, he knew there was no way he could ever ask father about it, he'd never be able to come back from it. mother has always been much more understanding, even with the stubborn statements she often spouted.

"yes you can, chenle".

"are.. well, can a noble and a commoner ever end up together?"

the question received silence from his mother, who, though she had previously been humming to a pleasant tune, seemed to freeze at even the idea of that question. the nine year old prince watched as his mother's face did at least seven expression changes in a matter of seconds. "could you elaborate on that question, dear?"

"can royalty marry non-royalty? could i ever be with someone who isn't royal like me?"

the reason nine year old chenle was so interested in asking this question was because of something kun had mentioned to him, about one of his cousins marrying into a royal family far far away. it got his mind turning in ways only a child's mind can, he never knew that could happen, he had grown to think that he would just end up with any other princess but could he really have a different fate? could he really change his future?

seeing as how things have gone now.. no, he couldn't.

"it depends on how it goes down, chenle".

"has it ever happened before?"

"of course it has happened" his mother finally answered, and the curious young prince allowed for his eyes to widen comically. oh he was so interested now. "in most scenarios when it does happen the commoner becomes a royal".

"i thought that was outlawed".

that statement got a laugh out of his mother, which made the nine year old blink dumbly. "it can't be outlawed, chenle, that would be ridiculous".

"so could i be with someone of a different class?"

"well, it depends on how it all works out".

chenle blinked again, the wording of the sentence confusing the young prince even more. "would father ever approve of something like that?"

she then went silent again, turning away from chenle to gaze at the bright blue sky. "i'm.. not sure, you know how unpredictable he is".

"well that's why i didn't ask him this".

another chuckle sounded from his mother, and at nine years old, chenle didn't know what was more shocking, knowing that he could possibly not have to be forced into a marriage with a princess from a faraway kingdom, or knowing that his mother didn't really have an issue with that.

too bad he didn't try to use any of that childlike courage to get his point about this marriage across.

when the little parade celebrating his marriage is over, chenle finds himself immediately on his way somewhere. he doesn't know exactly where he was going, his feet seem to have control over themselves, and he can't exactly stop himself from walking.

oh, he knows where he's going.

his feet lead him to a familiar place, your office. throughout that whole.. gathering thing or whatever, he couldn't stop thinking about you. he usually can't stop thinking about you these days, just talking to you is enough to entertain his mind for weeks, surely that can't be normal, right?

"y/n?"

chenle's sudden call startles you, seeing as how you jump from your previous position at the sound of it. he just sort of stands there awkwardly, allowing for you to compose yourself as you smile at him. oh you're smile is so pretty, chenle could stare at it for hours. "oh lord, you scared me! your highness".

chenle doesn't even register the title, just gives a small smile. "sorry i'm just.." he pauses, trying to collect his words. "i don't know, actually, i just kind of came here on a whim" he shrugs, looking down at the floor and not straight at you.

you simply let out a silent chuckle, turning back to your desk and going back to packing. chenle blinks, biting down on his bottom lip as he clears his throat. "oh really? is something bothering you?"

chenle allows for himself to look up again, your back is turned now anyway, so you can't see his rapidly reddening face. "a lot is bothering me, really, it feels like i can't do anything these days without feeling like the world is slowly tearing me apart limb by limb".

"well that's certainly a way to explain your feelings" chenle can't tell how you feel about the whole thing from the tone of your voice, it's something that makes him worry, because he's anxious your making fun of him and he won't be able to tell.

much to his own surprise, you turn around and step towards him. "are you feeling alright? like— physically at least?" you ask, tilting your head to the side to get a better look at him. just your eyes on him is enough to have chenle's stomach doing cartwheels, he hopes you don't notice how flustered he is, that would be extremely embarrassing.

"yeah i'm not dying or anything i'm just.. i'm overwhelmed".

well you'd expect that from someone like chenle, someone in such a position of power. chenle is a crown prince set to be king, he's getting married in a few months (that fact makes your heart hurt for a reason you can't explain), he's the next ruler of the zhong dynasty, of course he is feeling overwhelmed.

"ah well that's expected" you laugh lightly. "you have no symptoms though?"

is my clearly reddening face a symptom? my fluttering stomach? my seemingly labored breathing? why can't you tell i'm madly in love with you yet!?

the screaming voice in his head is just as annoyed as chenle is at his current circumstances. you narrow your eyes as you stare at him, and for a moment, chenle thinks you might be reading his mind, but he quickly dismisses such thoughts because that's ridiculous.

"no, no symptoms, i'm alright".

you seem to want to ask for more reassurance, but you don't, instead shutting your mouth and smiling at chenle. "good, i can't have you dying".

"you'd never let me die".

"you're right about that".

chenle looks down at the floor, determined to not make eye contact with you. "where are you heading?"

chenle only realizes then that you're packing your stuff, he didn't even note it down when he stepped into the room and saw that you were doing it, he was much more focused on just beginning a conversation with you, he was much more focused on talking than observing.

you hum, giving him a mere glance then looking back down to the small set of items you were packing. "i'm going to visit my mother".

chenle blinks, the words coming as a small surprise to him. "why? is she alright?"

you quickly glance back up to give him a reassuring smile. "just doing a routine check up, and it's nice to visit your mother once in a while, i need to make sure she's doing well".

chenle responds with a small 'ah', watching as you continue to pack, he feels his stomach churn uncomfortably once again, if he stays in this castle any longer, he might die from the walls which seem to slowly be pushing the air out of his lungs.

"can i come?"

chenle has no idea where that came from, it's like he had no control over his own thoughts or words, he blurted that out in a moment of vulnerability, a moment of.. wanting. he can't stay here any longer, he might die. you now fully look at him and furrow your eyebrows, clearly as puzzled as chenle is by the words. "what?" you chuckle lightly, and chenle feels his face burn immediately.

"i'm sorry, i don't even know where that came from i'll g—"

"no no you can.." you pause for a moment, collecting your words. "you can tag along if you want to i just— i don't know, you can leave the castle?"

"well yeah, but that doesn't mean you have to take me with you i don't even know why i asked that in the first place".

"chenle" you say softly, and just you saying his name like that has chenle's knees feeling weak. how did he deny his feelings for you for so long when you have him feeling like this? he's almost positive you can notice how flustered he is now. "if you want to come visit her with me, you can".

chenle stares at you for what seems like years (in his eyes), contemplating whether he should take your offer. your basically holding your hand out to him, begging for him to take it, for him to intertwine his fingers with yours. how could he ever turn down such a proposition?

"i— okay".

"okay? so you'll accompany me?"

"yeah, yes yes! i will" he replies much too enthusiastically for his own liking, you seem to catch on, as you laugh at his sudden shout. if your laugh wasn't so pretty chenle would've immediately turned away and replied with some snappy rebuttal.

"nice" you whisper, finally finishing your packing. chenle watches you intently, he can't exactly speak at the moment. luckily, you speak up once again. "we have to do something, though".

"what?"

you catch chenle's puzzled expression, and you laugh once again. "a disguise, just so you don't cause an uproar while we go visit my mother".

for the first time this whole entire day, chenle lets out a small laugh, amused by the words which escape your lips. "were gonna sneak around?"

you snicker, looking down at the floor. oh you're adorable, chenle shouts it out in his head, he can't tell you face to face so he'll shout it there.

"yeah, guess you could say that".

though he's just the slightest bit skeptical, chenle trusts you, and a smile crosses his face.

CHENLE DIDN'T REALLY THINK HE'D HAVE as much fun as he does sneaking into the village with you. well it's not really sneaking, you live here, you've grown up here, you just had to put him in some totally not suspicious cloak so that he doesn't draw attention when you make it outside of the castle. he almost fell on his face when you dragged him out of the palace gates, because of the way you dragged him, and because you started holding his hand.

chenle feels like a girl obsessing over a boy crush, just you holding his hand is enough to make him begin overthinking the whole thing in his head. according to you, you had to hold his hand to make things seem more natural, but he suspects that you're lying because of how red your face is as you try to avoid eye contact with him.

chenle has only really been to the village a few times in his whole life, though he's had his fair share of experiences here as a child, he never got to stop and observe his surroundings, much too busy trying to settle his anxiety while watching all of the people in the crowd burn holes into his head with their stares.

chenle has always been fascinated by the lives of others, whether it be the stories kun told of the urban legends village kids would spread, or the many times he begged the staff to take him on carriage rides throughout the kingdom as a child. he likes seeing situations through other people's eyes, the life of citizens who don't live as royalty seems like nothing far from the fictional stories he reads in the books in the library.

"you almost pulled off my arm, that was totally suspicious!" chenle whisper-yells, but it's not a shout of seriousness, it's playful, the beginning of a banter.

"oh i'm sorry your highness! do you need medical attention?"

chenle feigns an offensive gasp at the sarcastic comment from you, which results in nothing but a snicker from you as you nudge him with your shoulder. he caresses the back of your hand with his thumb unconsciously, ignoring his clearly heating cheeks as he performs the action.

"do you still live in the same place you grew up?"

"hm? oh yeah, we could never really afford to get another place, it's become a super comforting place for me.."

"ah, i see".

chenle admires your face for much longer than he was supposed to, and if you notice, you don't seem to care enough to comment on it.

chenle allows for his eyes to roam freely around the expanse of a town. it's a pretty place, even with how tiny it seems, he feels much more relaxed here than in the large palace he grew to know as a home, the palace was really in the middle of nowhere, no fellow citizens around for him to make connections with or whatever. this town is the clear definition of community, the kind of place where everyone knows everyone.

"oh y/n! y/n!"

chenle startles from his thoughts when a shout rings in his ears, you snap your head towards the figure, a figure chenle can tell you recognize because you give them a smile, he opts to stay silent in this interaction. "hi tao, how is ying doing?"

the man smiles brightly at you, pulling you into an abrupt hug, making your fingers slip from chenle's. you squeak as he squeezes you in his arm, but you manage a smile, resisting the urge to glare at chenle as he silently snickers at your suffering. "she's recovering well! thank you so much, i don't know how i could ever repay you!"

"there's no need to" you smile softly again, finally able to remove yourself from his crushing grip, you rub your aching arm and awkwardly chuckle. "i just enjoy helping others, i'm glad she's feeling better, tell her i said hi".

"will do! thank you so much!"

the guy gives one last smack on your shoulder before walking off, and chenle has to resist the urge to laugh loudly as you wince from the strong grip who had been squeezing you to death with that hug.

"are you enjoying my misery, your highness?"

chenle can barely contain his laugh as he looks over at you, being met with your deadpanned gaze. he looks down at the floor to stop his giggling, making you frown. "no, it was just too hilarious not to laugh at".

"uh huh, you're sooo funny".

though you were clearly irritated by chenle's laughing fit, you only softly smiled at him trying to hide his laughter. you reach over to take his hand once again, just playfully glaring at him. "yeah continue laughing at my suffering, we still have to make it to my mother's house".

chenle, again, gets jolted forward by a strong tug on his hand, but he doesn't say anything more, just snickers as he sees the pure dedication in your eyes. he smiles as he sees the look in your eye, you're just so adorable.

when you abruptly stop, chenle bumps into you, and your fingers slip from his, an action which makes him frown in just the slightest. he likes holding your hand, he has no idea why, but he does.

you begin digging through your bag for your house key, and chenle simply watches, listening to you hum the tune of a song, one you always hum the tune to whenever you find yourself bored. "here" you whisper, victorious in your search for your keys. you quickly unlock the door and gesture for chenle to follow you in with nothing but the tilt of your head, he silently steps into your childhood home, a comforting feeling in the air as he closes the door behind him.

while you drop your bag onto a nearby table and begin looking through it again, chenle slowly removes the cloak he had been wearing as he observes his surroundings.

the place is nice, small, but nice. it has a comfortable sort of air that makes chenle want to immediately relax, it's not the fanciest place, or the biggest place, but it's a home, a comfortable, quiet home. chenle would love to live here, maybe in another life, a life where he doesn't end up born into a highly respected royal family, he just gets to live like this, it's a place that seems to bring a feeling of solace.

chenle glances over at you, your eyebrows furrowed as you continue going through your bag. you seem to sense his eyes, because you glance up at him and you meet his eyes. you blink, then glance over at a door across the room. "you can go see her if you want".

chenle awkwardly chuckles as he glances at the door your eyes were on, he then glances back at you. "i— can you come with me?"

chenle just wants to stay around you.

you stare puzzled for a moment, but you don't question it, you leave your bag alone and gesture for chenle to follow you to your mother's room. chenle stays silent the whole way there, noticing the way your mood changes as you step closer to the door.

you knock on the door. "mom?"

when you open the door, you peak your head through, a small chuckle escaping your lips as you hear her say something. "yes yes i know, i'll remember to tell her, i brought a guest".

chenle slowly peaks from behind you, giving your mother a small smile. "hello" he greets softly.

your mother gasps, sitting up in her bed. "zhong chenle?"

chenle lightly chuckles, looking down at the floor, you nudge him with your shoulder. "oh my goodness, you've grown so much! come here give me a hug!"

chenle is almost surprised, he was afraid she was going to have a bad reaction to his presence, but she was much more excited to see him than he thought she would be. you push chenle into her room, motioning for him to fulfill your mothers wish.

she quickly wrapped her arms around him when he got close enough to her. her hugs are still as warm as he remembers, he almost wants to hug her forever and never let go. "how are things going these days? i wanted to go to that little parade of yours but y/n forbid me from doing so!"

"because you were vomiting all morning, i wasn't going to risk it".

she pulls away from the hug to grab both of chenle's hand, smiling softly at him. the smile reminiscent of the smiles she would share with him in the hallways of the palace when she used to work there. "you always worry so much" she raises an eyebrow at you before turning back to chenle. "how have you been these days?"

chenle smiles at her, noticing you leave the room, but too focused on answering the question from your mother to follow you. "i've been good, just a little stressed from everything happening lately".

her eyes widen again, and she nods excessively. "right! your getting married soon! how are you feeling about the whole thing?"

chenle's face falls just a little bit, but he quickly reverts back to a smile, not wanting to worry her with a random frown crossing his face. "it's all.. new, it'll take some time to get used to but i know i can get through it".

the older woman smiles at him, seemingly liking those words. "that's good, i'm glad you're still friends with y/n, he missed you".

chenle blinks, the words surprising him. "he missed me?"

your mother chuckles at the question. "yes he did, i remember watching the two of you run around the castle together as children, i was afraid the friendship wouldn't last, when i first resigned, y/n said he feared you two would drift apart".

chenle almost gasps at the information he receives. were you really worried about that? for the longest time he felt like such a bad friend because he began having no time for you as the two of you grew up, yeah that's what happens as people get older but he'd always see the flash of disappointment in your eyes when he had to be dragged away for another stupid royal meeting.

"i didn't know he felt that way, it's getting much more difficult to get him alone with everything going on".

"i heard you two are beginning to talk more, he always comes to me so giddy about it these days".

chenle is again surprised by the information he hears, a small laugh of disbelief escapes his lips at the words. "really?"

"yeah, he came freaking out over you two talking about books, books! you make him so happy, chenle".

the words strike chenle like a slap in the face, it's just so shocking to him he stands with his mouth agape for much longer than he'd like to admit. his face burns at the fact, at the idea that pops into his brain.

the idea that you might feel the same.. that you might reciprocate his feelings.

he swears smoke is going to begin pouring out of his ears from how heated his face has become.

"i'm glad i could do that, y/n is truly a blessing, i don't know what i'd do without him".

chenle thinks those must've been his truest words today, a look into what's really going on in his head, a look into how he really feels.

god it's always with you isn't it?

"it was nice seeing you again, mrs. l/n, i'm glad your recovering well".

at the word 'recovering', the older woman suddenly tenses, an anxious look in her eye as she looks away from the crown prince. "right, yes, thank you for visiting, chenle, it was nice seeing you too".

chenle smiles at your mother, nodding. "i'll leave you be now".

chenle slips his hands from hers, smiling one more time before leaving her room, gently closing the door behind him. he turns around and looks over at you, your still rummaging through your back, but chenle can tell you aren't looking for something, you seem to be trying to distract yourself.

"y/n?" chenle calls out, seemingly against his own will, because he's surprised by the sound of his own voice. you simply hum in response, not wanting to look him in the eye for some unknown reason. he quickly makes his way over to you, standing beside you and accidentally bumping your shoulders.

"is she really sick? i mean she looks fine! much finer than any sick people i've seen—"

"it's her kidneys".

you cut into chenle's sentence with a shaky tone of voice, you look over at chenle, sighing as you see the confusion cross his face. "her kidneys are failing, chenle".

chenle feels his heart drop upon hearing that, and you look away as you see his reaction to the news. "what? but how did that even happen—"

you let out a distressed sigh, gritting your teeth and closing your eyes. "she contracted lupus, right before she took that break back a few years ago, she recovered and we thought everything was fine but then she started vomiting every other day and i couldn't figure out what was wrong so we went to a doctor outside of the kingdom and.."

you look like you're about to cry, and you take in a deep breath to blink away the oncoming tears, but you persist, not wanting to break down in front of the crown prince. "she got diagnosed with chronic kidney disease, by that point she had been suffering from it for a whole five months! and what can i do? it's.."

incurable.

the word simmers into the air, it's unsaid, but both of you know what's truly going on. your both silent, none of you saying a word as silence quickly takes over the room. chenle finally takes the initiative and glances over at you, the tears brimming in your eyes threatening to fall at any moment.

still, you don't allow for yourself to become vulnerable in front of chenle, wiping the tears that haven't fallen from your eyes. "it's a lot to try and digest at once i'm just.. i'm not ready to see her go".

chenle gets it, anyone would get it, he stays silent, afraid of not being able to do the comforting as well as you do. "i'm sorry".

"there's no need to apologize, i mean— this is just how life works!"

"i hate that it works that way" chenle responds, fathers dying eyes flash in his mind, and he bites into his bottom lip so hard that it begins bleeding. god, he hates that memory, father only passed away no less than a year ago, and the image of his lifeless face still haunts chenle in his nightmares.

"yeah, but what can i do?" your clearly trying to be positive, but it's difficult for you to. "i'm just worried that one day i'll come home and she'll be gone.. i already had to go through it with dad and now— i don't know how i'll deal with it".

chenle stares at you, a small smile comes to your face as you glance back at him. chenle wants to cry just seeing you try to hold back your own tears, so he looks away from you quickly.

he then looks back at you, moving closer to you and taking your hand. "if you ever need someone to talk to, to vent to, to— yell and cry at.. i'm here".

you chuckle at the words, tears again welling up in your eyes. chenle feels you squeeze his hand, and he smiles softly at the sight of you. "really? you'll listen to my stupid ramblings?"

"yeah" chenle responds, nodding a little bit too enthusiastically, but he doesn't care. "i will, your feelings are just as important as mine, and you're my friend, it's what friends do".

you squeeze his hand, laughing softly again as you let a small tear slip down your face. "thank you, chenle".

"it's no problem, y/n".

CHENLE IS GENUINELY GOING INSANE, AND ITS ALL because of you. he can't focus on anything but you, and it's literally driving him crazy. he has never, never in his 21 years of living on this earth ever felt so much for just one person, what is it with you? he can't even think about you without his face turning a bright shade of red, his palms easily get sweaty and his words become nothing but a jumbled mess.

chenle finds it hilarious, how he was raised to be poised and proper, never swear, never talk when you don't have to, never interrupt others, sit like this sit like that, speak like this, speak like that, but right now, he's acting like a psycho more than anything.

he's pacing around his room like he just lost his mind or something, completely distracted from everything else as his mind is focused on you and you only.

he must look crazy, hair messy, clothes in disarray, pacing back and forth as he tries to figure out if feeling like this is normal, or even allowed here.

"chenle? could you explain to me why your mother wants— oh dear".

kun walks in midway through chenle's strange breakdown thingy, and the younger isn't even paying attention to him because he's screaming into the pillow on his king sized bed. the older watches in concern, and the breath chenle lets out is a mix of weary and frustrated. "chenle? what's wrong?"

kun drops the clipboard he'd previously been holding to rush over to the younger's side, if he focuses hard enough, he swears he can see tears welling up in chenle's eyes. "chenle.."

chenle sniffles, looking down at the pillow in his lap. "i'm in love with him, kun".

kun blinks, dumbfounded. "with who?"

"with y/n! i can't— oh my god i'm so stupid!" the crown prince grabs his pillow again and lets out a well needed scream of agony, a scream that makes kun sigh as he stares at the sight before him. "i don't get it! why does he make me feel like this!? everything is so complicated and i can't even do anything about it because i get married in two months—!"

"okay okay, calm down" kun is quick to cut in, pressing a quick thumb to his cheek to wipe away the tears. "take a deep breath, talk coherently".

chenle sniffles again, taking in another breath and then exhaling, collecting himself as he tries his best to think coherently. "i don't know, kun, it's all getting to my head, i want him so bad yet i can't have him".

and just the fact makes chenle stomach drop, he wants to start sobbing once again, but he contains his tears. "it's stupid i know—"

"it's not stupid, chenle, it's totally fine to have complicated feelings about things, and people, but you'll never have closure if you don't tell him how you feel".

"but what's the point, kun?" chenle doesn't see why it would matter anyway, what would you even do when he told you how he felt? would you grimace and push him away? would you accept his confession? what would you do? it's all he can think about. "what difference does it make?"

"it gets the pressure off your back.. and, if it's any consolation for you, both you and y/n can finally come to terms with your feelings".

chenle's eyes widen at the words, they settle a new emotion on him he can't exactly explain. "what the hell do you mean by that?"

"language, your highness" kun jokingly reprimands, his tone reminiscent of his mothers scoldings whenever chenle would mess up the garden of roses on occasions. "y/n might've.. told me some things, but you'll have to ask him about that".

"that isn't fair!"

"it is! you have to ask him yourself, it's the only way to get yourself in order!"

chenle deadpans at his older friend, but kun just snickers at his expression, lightly shoving his shoulder. "don't look at me like that, you know i'm right".

chenle would roll his eyes, but kun does have a point. "maybe i'll listen to you.."

"you should".

chenle has to resist the urge to roll his eyes at that response too.

CHENLE THINKS YOU LOOK EXCEPTIONALLY PRETTY when you read. it's not that you're not usually exceptionally pretty, it's just that he enjoys admiring your profile as you read, eyes narrowed, eyebrows furrowed, lips occasionally parting in shock, he could stare for hours. he might look creepy on a few certain occasions, but you rarely ever notice.

chenle doesn't know how many times the two of you have been up together late in the night, just sitting in the library talking about literature. he doesn't even remember what your talking about most of the time, but he loves talking to you about bullshit pertaining to the books your both into.

for the both of you, books are sort of an escape in a way. chenle enjoys indulging himself in worlds of fiction to distract himself from his mess of a life, and you enjoy indulging yourself in messy love stories with terrible endings to distract yourself from your own issues in life.

it's all truly a coping mechanism for you two.

you both are a coping mechanism for each other, chenle finds it all simpler around you, and you feel as if you don't have to be so professional around him anymore.

chenle doesn't sleep much these days, but that's because he's spending most of his nights in the library with you. he likes listening to you talk, the way you simply piece together your words is amazing.

"and it was so sad! i cried my eyes out for weeks after reading that!"

chenle snickers at your whining, and you caress the material of the book in your hands. "i mean.. the book is literally called, they both die in the end".

"i know! i know! but that doesn't mean it's still not sad" you frown, recalling the ending of the book you were rambling about.

you quickly stop your pouting and make your way over to another part of the library, the section including romance books. chenle doesn't follow you, but his eyes surely do, he makes sure to keep them trained on you, as if you'd disappear if he even looked away from you for just a moment.

"do you want any more recommendations? or..?"

"oh, no no no" chenle shakes his head. "i just—" he pauses, having no idea how to say the words without sounding like some weirdo who totally has a crush on you.

well he is a weirdo who totally has a crush on you, how hypocritical.

"i like listening to you talk".

you blink at his words, noticeably flustered at the way they came out. chenle takes your silence as you judging him, so he's quick to chuckle awkwardly and begin waving dismissing hands. "i didn't mean to say that i know it was weird and stuff—!"

"no no! it wasn't weird i'm just.. i'm not used to being told things like that, you're so unique with your words and i never know how to respond to them".

"oh.."

"yeah".

you click your tongue, and chenle simply stares. oh you affect him so much without doing anything, what is up with you? his ears are burning, he might collapse at the very moment.

what was that kun said again? you'll never get any closure if you don't just tell him how you feel. yeah, he isn't sure if he'll be able to do it.

"can i show you something?"

chenle's breath hitches against his will, he has no idea why he's nervous, why the hell is he nervous? it's just you, it's you, his friend since he was a child, his oldest friend, you probably know him better than he thinks you do.

you wouldn't do anything bad.

"is it terrible?" he raises an eyebrow, and you laugh. your laughter is pretty, so pretty. "well? is it?"

"no, just come here" you beckon chenle over to you with your hand, a hand he almost shies away from, but he can't shy away from you, so he steps closer, following you. he feels like a mind controlled puppet, your a magnet attracting him closer and closer until he presses into you.

you smile as you see chenle in your peripheral vision, your fiddling with something in your fingers. chenle furrows his eyebrows, having no idea what it is, he tries to look over your shoulder, but you quickly block his eyesight, much to his own dismay. "why are you hiding?"

"i'm not hiding! be patient, your highness".

your teasing tone of voice doesn't make it past chenle, but he doesn't stay anything, just keeps his mouth shut. you hum as you turn back to chenle, still fiddling with your fingers as you smile at the crown prince, who is puzzled by what you're doing exactly.

you then open your palm, extending it forward towards chenle, and his eyes widen at what he sees.

"what is..?"

"we— um.. remember that friendship bracelet i made for you when we were ten? the one you broke?"

chenle laughs lightly, his face burning. "yes i remember.."

"well, i kept mine, and because were.. you know, friends again, i remade it for you, if you want it of course!"

chenle stares at you, then he stares at the bracelet in your hand, and he can't resist the urge to smile. you're absolutely adorable, sweet, chenle really really really likes you. his silence makes you anxious, and you want to begin picking your fingers until they bleed.

chenle must realize it, because he immediately laughs, a hearty laugh, a lovely laugh. "y/n, i love it, it's so.. cute i can't— how long did it take you to make this?"

"well i was thinking about it for a while and i just barely finished this last night i just.. i don't know, i missed you, a lot" you say, your words a vomit of adoration, oh you're so adorable. "it was a brash decision really".

"you're so—"—cute—"sweet, really".

you again step closer to chenle, silently asking to have his wrist with the extension of your hand. he doesn't even think before placing his hand into yours, allowing for you to slip the bracelet onto his wrist. it fits perfectly. of course it does, chenle can barely stifle his giggle.

he feels so giddy.

you don't let go of his hand, and chenle doesn't move his hand either. he stares at the indirect act of affection, his hand gently placed upon your palm, a palm that you aren't moving. what are you two doing? what the hell is going on?

"y/n" chenle calls out, his voice barely elevated as he avoids eye contact with you. "what is.. what are we doing?"

"i don't know" you mutter, blinking. you don't even think before taking your free hand and intertwining it with chenle's other free hand, now your holding both of his hands, an action that has chenle's face reddening to amazing heights. "your hands are warm".

chenle simply looks away, basking in the feeling of your fingers laced with his. he likes holding your hand, it just feels right, your fingers intertwined with his, your hands placed on his.

"yours are cold".

the words are nothing but your observations of each other whispered into the air. it's a strangely intimate moment, you two are just staring at each other in the library, your short breaths can be heard in the silence of the huge room around you.

you sink your teeth into your bottom lip, then stare at chenle's. chenle blinks, he sees you, he sees what you're doing, but it doesn't seem like you're trying to be slick, you don't care, you are unashamed in your decision.

he isn't really sure how to feel about that.

you lean closer, much closer than chenle thinks he could ever handle. you give a small smile, and chenle wants to faint. he's holding your hands, your leaning close to him, and you look you want to kiss him.

and he wants to kiss you.

oh he wants to do it so bad.

"may i?" you ask, but you aren't looking chenle in the eyes, your staring directly at his lips. chenle almost chokes on his spit, are you really asking him if you can kiss him? do you really like him as much as he likes you? is he dreaming?

he stares like an idiot for so long that he almost looks frozen.

chenle nods wordlessly, but that's not good enough of an answer for you.

"verbal consent, chenle".

chenle wants to pull you into a kiss by force right now.

"yes! yes, you may".

you note his enthusiasm, enthusiasm that makes his face redden, he looks away from you, clearly embarrassed.

you chuckle silently, letting go of his left hand to take his jaw and turn him back towards you. then, you lean forward and press a kiss to his lips.

it's short, sweet, and ends in pretty much two seconds.

your cheeks are dusted red, and you immediately look away from chenle upon finishing your action. "that was stupid, right? i'm sorry! i don't know why i did that i jus—"

chenle doesn't let you finish, he grabs the back of your neck and smashes your lips together. you let out a small squeak of surprise, clearly not expecting the action, but you quickly relax into the kiss, sighing softly as you let an arm wrap around his waist, pulling him closer with your hand on his back.

it's.. nice, it feels right, chenle is relaxed. his heart isn't pounding uncomfortably, he doesn't feel that anxious pit in his stomach, his chest isn't tight, he feels like he can breath (ironic, really), and he doesn't want to burst into tears at his circumstances.

he feels good, he feels content.

god, it's always with you isn't it?

"wait wait, hold on" you pull away for air, pressing your forehead against chenle's as you gather your words. you chuckle awkwardly, looking down at the floor instead of at the crown prince in front of you. "sorry, i don't know how to feel about this".

chenle blinks up at you, and all you can see are his pretty eyes staring at you. you fumble through your speech, trying your best to be coherent even with the way he was staring. "i'm just.. i don't know, i have to check up on my heart levels and shit—"

chenle gasps loudly. "language, y/nie".

"you can't just say that after you literally took away my breath you.." you stop in your speech, snickering at the way you're acting, the red on your cheeks doesn't disappear, but chenle thinks he likes it that way.

"y/n" you look up as chenle calls your name again, now completely focused on him. "i.. i don't really know how to say this but i— i like you, okay? like a lot, not even just that i'm in love with you! it's.. complicated".

wow, so much for a smooth confession, chenle.

chenle narrows his eyes at the voice in his mind, it sounds like.. you?

you freeze at the confession, your whole body paralyzed as you try your best to process the words in your head.

"oh".

chenle can't tell how you feel by your tone of voice, but to him, it doesn't sound good.

CHENLE USED TO BE AFRAID OF ASKING HIS FATHER certain questions. he was unpredictable in the sense that chenle never knew how he'd react if he asked him a question as simple as what 1+1 was. when father was alive, chenle feared him, not because he was physically violent or anything, but because he was intimidating. the air temperature would lower whenever he stepped into the room, and the way his voice boomed when he talked was enough to have chenle shivering for weeks.

"father, may i ask you a question?"

"is it a stupid question?"

at thirteen years old, chenle was still as fearful of his father as he was back when he was seven, and he almost wanted to cry the moment his father responded to his question with another question. he swallowed his own spit, a feeling of anxiety immediately settling onto him. "well— i'm not sure.."

his fathers shoulders relaxed, and he hummed. "what is it, chenle?"

"why do i have to get married?"

the question was much more abrupt than chenle wanted it to be, and he clamped his mouth shut as soon as the words escaped his lips. his father stayed silent at the question, which didn't lessen his worries, it worried him much more than it should've.

his father then chuckled, he chuckled, and chenle almost let out a gasp upon seeing the sight. when was the last time he'd seen that happen? the sight was truly one to behold, he was amused, amused!!

"why are you so curious about that? you're way too young to be interested in stuff like marriage".

"i'm not that interested i just— i heard mother say something about it and i.. i don't know! i just want an answer".

his father turned back to him, an unintelligible expression on his face that chenle still doesn't understand even to this day. "let me ask you a question, chenle, do you want to get married?"

the question struck chenle as odd, but judging by his father's smile in the moment, the question was very much needed. the thirteen year old prince blinked, puzzled, but he didn't let the question linger in the air for too long, afraid of upsetting his father with his silence.

"maybe, in the future, when the time is right, with someone who i like, and know is a good.. person to me".

"person?"

chenle nodded, wordless as he tried his best not to shrink under his father's gaze.

"ah, i see".

chenle had no idea where he was trying to go with that question and statement.

"what kind of person?"

chenle was once again speechless at the question, he allowed for his eyes to roam around the room as he scoured his brain for an answer to his father's question. then, he spotted his answer, it was you, giggling with kun about a dumb joke as your mother rummaged through her work bag for something.

you caught his eye in the moment, smiling the sight of him as you waved, mouthing a small hi from where you were across the room.

chenle giggled at the sight, waving as well as he returned your greeting.

unfortunately for him, father noticed everything.

"oh? someone like y/n?"

chenle immediately snapped his head towards his father, beginning to sputter at the assertion from him. "y/n? what do you mean by that?"

his father merely glanced over at you, his lips unconsciously quirking up into a smile. "you seem to like y/n, the two of you are friends right?"

"yes, yeah we are".

"huh" his father clicked his tongue. "if you ever do get to decide who you want to marry in the future, let it be someone like him".

chenle choked on his spit, he had no idea how to respond to that. the words have stuck with him forever, even after father's death, even after his marriage to yinuo was confirmed, the words ring in his head whenever chenle does as much as look at you anymore.

it's been a week, a week, a whole entire seven days, and you have been avoiding chenle like the plague. literally. you see him in the halls and make a break for the nearest door, you catch his eyes randomly and you immediately look away. you don't smile, you don't stop to make small talk, you just turn your back and run away.

did he do something wrong? did you really not return his feelings? (no! that can't be true! why would you kiss him back if you didn't feel at least something for him?). chenle has no idea why you're suddenly avoiding him, but you are, and he has to figure out why.

so, when chenle finishes having a totally fun conversation with his mother, he makes a beeline towards your office, he knows your there, because you aren't anywhere else during the day usually. you don't visit your mother on tuesdays, chenle knows that very well.

he stops in front of the door of your office, a sudden anxious feeling taking over him. he raises his fist to knock, but then lets it fall, he instead turns the knob and opens the door to your office.

you don't perk up immediately at the sound of the door opening, mainly because your back is turned and your focused on cleaning up a rubbing alcohol spill. chenle doesn't say anything, the silence in the room practically swallowing him whole.

you still don't look back, simply humming. "did you leave something here, kun? are you going to nag me about cuts again?"

chenle keeps silent.

when you finally do turn back to look at chenle, expecting kun, you pause, an unreadable expression crossing your face. you clear your throat, smiling awkwardly as you tucked your hair behind your ear. "hi, your highness".

chenle's jaw clenches, what's with the sudden switch up? why aren't you calling him by his name anymore?

"hi, y/n".

another uncomfortable silence takes over the room, and chenle wants to die in that very moment. there's no playful banter, there's no snickering, you two aren't talking, this is one of the strangest things to ever happen to the both of you in your whole entire friendship.

you two always talk, even if it's just small talk, this random silence makes chenle anxious.

"did i do something wrong?"

judging by your reaction, that wasn't the question to ask. you simply chuckle, going back over to the spilled rubbing alcohol and finishing up with your business. "no".

"so what happened?"

"nothing happened".

"it doesn't seem that way, you've been avoiding me ever since.." chenle looks down at the floor, picking at his nails as he tries not to stare at you. "you know".

you hum, finally turning back to chenle again with the intention of making eye contact. chenle looks over at you, but not directly in your eyes, just at your face. "we can't, chenle".

"what?"

"we can't be.. we just can't, chenle".

chenle's eyebrows furrow. "you could at least elaborate on that".

"you know what i'm talking about, chenle" you grit your teeth, but you aren't frustrated by chenle, no, you seem frustrated by yourself. "you're getting married soon and i'm.. i'm nothing like you, this isn't right—"

"what makes you think that?" chenle cuts in, what is wrong with you? what the hell is wrong with you? is that really what you think? he's about to kill you. "are you embarrassed?"

"embarrassed? what? no! no! i'm literally the one who offered to kiss you i just.." you cover your face with your hand, letting a distressed groan escape your lips. "i don't want to be the reason everything goes wrong for you".

"is that really how you feel? is that really how you think i feel..?"

"chenle" you begin softly, your tone of voice making chenle's stomach flip. you close your eyes and clasping your own hands together. "i do like you too, i— love you, even, but we just can't be together".

oh. that's what it's about.

chenle sucks in a breath, he wants to shout at you, not because your making him mad, but because your right, and he knows it. he wants— no, he needs to break something, throw something against the wall in frustration, break a glass window. just anything to keep himself from having a full on mental breakdown from your very words.

"of course you would say that".

you scoff at his petty tone, but you sound more disappointed than frustrated. "your acting like i'm doing this on purpose, if things were different then maybe—"

"why can't we make it work now? huh? why does it have to be if things were different?"

"because you're getting married chenle! you— you're going to become king and i don't want to hold this over your head".

"you're so.. stupid! how is that all you've gotten from this situation?" now chenle is getting desperate, he wants you to change your mind, even if he knows it's unlikely that will actually ever happen. "you're not holding anything over my head and you're not going to make anything go wrong, i don't get it!"

"i'm being realistic.."

"how is that realistic?"

"because it's better than potentially losing my job! chenle! i have to take care of my mother, i can't afford to risk my position because someone thinks you're cheating on your fiancée with me".

your words sting, but they don't sting chenle, they sting you. your chest hurts, so you simply shake your head, sighing in defeat. your arms drop to your side and you turn away from chenle, gritting your teeth.

all chenle can do is give you a look of sympathy. "y/n—"

"chenle, leave it alone" you snap, yet you don't come off as annoyed, more upset. "i'd prefer if you'd leave".

you really just need to think, you just need to peacefully gather your thoughts without chenle in the room.

chenle wants to argue with you, to walk forward and take you by your arm, to grab you by your face and kiss you senselessly whilst telling you that he doesn't care about what anyone thinks.

but chenle obeys your wish, turning around and leaving the room.

KUN KNOWS CHENLE ALL TOO WELL AT THIS point that the younger is convinced that he's a mind reader. from his narrowed eyes to his silent snickers, he can always tell what chenle's feeling before chenle himself even does. back when they were younger, chenle assumed kun had to be some sort of supernatural being, possessing some kind of telepathic power or something, but as he's grown up, he realizes the older is just that observent.

case in point: chenle's current attitude.

"why do you keep sulking? they teach you not to do that at like.. age ten?"

kun's comment doesn't receive it's usual rebuttal from chenle, it simply gets silence, silence that kun hums at. he resists the urge to roll his eyes, standing beside the stubborn crown prince. "okay, tell me what happened".

"what?"

"there's no use in pretending that you don't know what i'm talking about, chenle, what happened?"

kun has always been assertive in this sense, chenle finds his power to be absolutely shocking. maybe, in another universe, their roles are reversed, kun would make a better ruler than chenle ever could anyway.

"i'm an idiot, kun".

the statement results in kun letting out a strange sound, a sound of complete confusion. he then raises an eyebrow, one that makes chenle want to dig a hole and die in it forever. "what is that supposed to mean?"

chenle scowls, covering his face with his hands as he resists the urge to claw his own eyes out. he lets out a groan as your face flashes in his mind, oh he is so stupid, why couldn't he just be fearless? why does he have to be such a coward?

why couldn't he be brave for you?

"i— god, i confessed to y/n but i even managed to mess that up and now we're on bad terms.."

kun goes through seven expression changes as he processes the information. "what? what are you saying?"

"he just told me the situation like how it is" he grits his teeth, looking away from the older. "we can't be together no matter how much we want to, i'm getting married and he can't risk losing his job and.. i have to go through with the marriage".

"who says that?"

"my mother, kun" chenle sighs, feeling as if he just got punched in the gut. "i don't want to put too much on her shoulders, a marriage like this has been planned for me for who knows how long and she's clearly not her best considering father didn't pass that long ago and.." a groan leaves his lips, a sour taste in his mouth. "this will make her happy, i just want her to be happy".

kun stares in silence, clicking his tongue. "have you ever tried to prioritize your happiness?"

chenle sighs. "we're not starting this again kun—"

"no, we are going to start this again, you have to think about if you're happy before ever going through with a marriage, marriage is a legally binding thing! you're gonna be in a union with this woman until you die! are you really happy with that?"

chenle opens his mouth to speak again, but it falls shut. he can't really respond to that. 

all of his life he grew to believe that he'd eventually get used to arranged marriages and the idea of having to warm up to his partner. all royalty have to do it, it's just apart of the process. heck, chenle is the result of an arranged marriage himself, why would he ever challenge it when it was always the most likely outcome?

it's different because it's you. chenle can't possibly think about going through this marriage at all now that he's realized how he truly feels for you, it's not right, he shouldn't, he can't.

you're a terrible liar, chenle. at the end of the day, you will go through with this marriage, it's all too risky to not.

"i.. no, i'm not" chenle finally responds, his voice a mix of disgusted and frustrated. "i just— i always thought it was supposed to be this way, i don't want to just.. do it differently".

"well why not?"

"because this is for the good of my future, for yinuo, for my mother, to test if i can live up to the ruler my father was".

chenle bites his inner cheek, suddenly feeling nauseous. he closes his eyes, not wanting to face kun's gaze.

the older simply sighs. "i can't make you do anything you don't want to, chenle, but don't make a decision you know is going to leave you unhappy, i'd hate for you to be stuck in an uncomfortable position for the rest of your life".

and with that, kun turns and walks out of the room. chenle doesn't open his eyes until he knows kun has left the room.

the words ring in his head all day.

WHEN CHENLE WAS ELEVEN, YOU TAUGHT HIM about the several constellations that appear in the night sky. you taught him their names, how they form, what they represented, and your thoughts on them. you always had a thing for those luminous balls of gas in the sky, something about them always left you so intrigued, waiting for the next time they would show up so you could drag chenle out in the middle of the night to see them with you.

tonight, andromeda is in the sky.

it's never been a favorite of yours, more one of chenle's favorites, but he knows you'll be outside, staring at the aligned stars in the sky. he takes kun's words into account, and wishes his mother a good night before turning on his heel to make his way towards a familiar place of comfort.

the rose garden, of course.

the best thing about the rose garden is that it has the cool glass roof you can see the sky through. it was an addition that was only made a few years ago, one last hurrah for mrs. qian before her eventual retirement.

chenle spent a lot of time reading about constellations, all the information he learned he would relay to you. he loved seeing how interested you were in the information you already didn't know, your eyes would widen comically and then they would light up.

constellations have always been special to me, you told chenle once. they remind me of dad, he's the one who taught me about them, i like to think that he's now become apart of cygnus.

chenle was surprised by your way of grieving, but he couldn't exactly blame you. you liked to think your father became one with the stars, and you'd always be especially excited when cygnus appeared in the sky.

when chenle steps into the rose garden, he isn't surprised to see you already there, lips parted in surprise as you stare up at the sky through the glass rooftop. you don't notice him immediately, but when you do, you smile. "hi".

chenle bites down on his bottom lip, but he steps forward anyway. "hi".

you put your head down, then turn to chenle with an unreadable expression on your face. "i missed you".

chenle allows for himself to lightly chuckle at the fact. "you're the one whose been ignoring me all this time".

your shoulder slump, a small sigh leaving your lips as you rock back and forth on your heels. "i do realize that was pretty.. rude of me, i just needed time to think, i was probably going to have a breakdown if i didn't collect my thoughts".

chenle nods, pressing his lips together in a thin line. an uncomfortable silence passes through the air in the room, and you glance up again to examine andromeda once again.

"i'm sorry".

you snap your head over at chenle. "for what?"

"for yelling, and for calling you stupid" chenle looks away from you, ashamed of himself. "you were just being realistic and i was.. i wasn't thinking clearly, like an idiot".

"don't say that" your voice is so soft, it probably feels like clouds. "i get where you're coming from, just saying those words made me sick.." you pinch the bridge of her nose, and chenle can't stop his head from turning so that he can stare at you. oh your side profile is so pretty, chenle could admire it for hours. "i'm sorry, chenle, you probably felt like your feelings didn't matter in the moment and that was so terrible of me to do, romantic feelings or not, you're my friend, and i care about how you feel, i shouldn't have dismissed you like that".

chenle can't resist the urge to smile, his lips turn up much too quickly, but of course they do, because it's you, it's always with you. chenle has never felt such a way for another human being in his life, but he guesses your whole relationship must've been planned by the universe or something.

"you're so.. stupid" chenle reiterates, but it's said much more affectionately than the last time. "you have always considered my feelings, you are literally one of the sweetest people i know, don't apologize for thinking about yourself for once, your job is much more important than our.. relationship thing".

you pause at the words, shaking your head as a small snicker falls from your lips. "i love you, chenle".

oh.

if chenle didn't have any self control, he would've done a trust fall right then and there. he wants to faint onto the floor and never get up. hearing the words from you makes him exceptionally giddy, you make him happy, you make him so happy, oh chenle is so glad to have you in his life.

happy ending or not, at least he finally knows what you feel for him.

"i love you too" he whispers, his voice getting stuck in his throat, the shock doesn't wear off that quickly, unfortunately. you reach over for his hands, intertwining your fingers with his. it feels so right, chenle could just be like this forever, and everything would be fine.

as long as he's with you, everything will be fine.

you hum at the response, a red color dusting your cheeks. you could just barely stifle your giggle, and it's simply amazing to chenle. you're just as giddy about him as he is about you.

oh chenle loves you so much.

you look up at the sky once again, eyes lighting up at the sight of the aligned stars. "andromeda has always been your favorite, right?"

chenle wants to faint, you remembered. "yeah".

you smile, your smile is beautiful.

you're a desperate man, zhong chenle.

he can't exactly disagree with that.

"you have good taste".

"you flatter me too much".

you finally looks back down, snickering as you squeeze chenle's hands. you lean forward and press a kiss to chenle's lips, it's simply a peck, but chenle loves it. "you deserve it".

chenle wants to squeal like a teenage girl with a crush, you're so cute, you're so adorable, he loves you, he loves you so much.

maybe you can't make it work now, not in this universe at least, but there could be another universe, another timeline where it does work, where it doesn't have to end like this.

chenle is upset it can't be this universe, but this is just how life works. knowing that he can't change his fate, knowing that he will go through with this marriage, knowing that he probably has no true shot with you is all upsetting, but he'll learn how to deal with it, at least you're still by his side.

at least your still in his life, he's grateful for that.

and when he sees you giggle once again, his heart warms. as long as you're happy, that's all that matters.

[thewolfcatcher]

INDUSTRIAL CULTURE:

WHY DON'T YOU TEACH KIDS TO BE HOLY?

WHY TO COMPELL THEM TO LOSE VIRGINITY AT A YOUNG AGE?

This is the INVERTED CROSS of what should be happening in their lives.

They shouldn't be obsessed with "When will I lose my virginity?" but

"With whom am I going to marry"?

When they get 13, 14 years old is the age to start asking G-D for a lifetime partner, a husband, a wife.

But instead, THEY ARE RAPING KIDS YOUNGER THAN THEM.

What started in Brazil in the 80's, the older kids raping the younger, now is happening even in Portugal, a historicaly traditional Catholic country. In the 2000's, kids in Brazil were losing their virginity with 9 to 11 years old, and Portuguese kids in the North, with 18 years old.

Think about the absurd of the difference of ages. (This happens in Brazil because of Carnival culture).

Now, 20 years after, the 14 years old kids in Portugal are raping the 12 years old. WHY?

BECAUSE OF MASONRY AND THE SIN OF INDUSTRIAL CULTURE

Things are so bad we started advising mothers to lock their kids at home and to don't let them go out in the street alone. We are setting up teachers offschool period to look after the kids all the time. Their school friends may abuse them and they may lose their virtue, with which they were born with.

You should be teaching kids

ONLY TO KISS WHEN THEY WANT TO MARRY,

NOT TO LOSE THEIR VIRGINITY WITH THE FIRST THAT SHOWS UP!

Kids must be taught to refuse to kiss anyone they suspect is NOT THE ONE.

These are going to be much better arguments for stories.

But the Cultural Industry is so dumb that, being easily played by mason wizards, when they talk about someone holy or smart, that prefer to be holy than to sin, they portray them as jokes.

Virginity means virtue. Virtue means POWER.

THIS MAKES EXTRAORDINARY LOVE STORIES. The overstretched arc full of conflict. You are losing the best stories ever.

Hebrews 13:4 (I love these G-D's numbers)

New International Version

4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

Proverbs 5:18-19

18 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

19 A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.

When confronted by other's sins, Fernando Pessoa, an atheist, decided to revolt by removing all sensuality of his poems.

The result was the most poetic and deep literary work that was ever conceived.

He revolted against sin with extra-holiness.

FERNANDO PESSOA WAS MURDERED

I myself could not debone myself of sensuality in my writings. I love the Song of the Songs too much. His poems seem to me like Gilderoy Lockhart solution to Harry's broked bone problem.

But here you see. Pessoa's poems are much better than mines will ever be.

JUST ADMIT IT

THE MOST BADASS PERSONS OF HUMAN HISTORY

ARE VIRGINS

[hoedamn-eron]

he found the box of condoms - part 1

Your best friend, Paul, is ranting to you about his father possibly dating someone. It's you, he's dating you.

Warnings: 18+. Drinking happens with some spiciness but nothing explicit and it's all good and consenting (unprotected at first but then it's not, wrap it before you tap it). Age gap, but it is appropriate/legal. Some swearing. I have never seen nor read Dune (yet), so there may be some inaccuracies (Duke and Paul being OOC, stuff like that), but it's Modern!AU anyway. Mentions of taking drugs but not actually being on them. Slightly proofread. Edited on 27/09 because I stupidly mentioned reader being a daughter when it’s a GN fic 😑 Word count: 3,376 GN!Reader, no use of Y/N.

Inspired by BFD by @abelslittlebunny (blog no longer exists, I'm so upset!)

Part 2

“I think my dad is seeing someone.”

Your heart skipped a beat as your eyes widened, looking at Paul, your best friend. His declaration had really taken you by surprise. “Pardon me?”

“I found an open box of condoms in his bedside drawer.”

“Why are you looking in his bedside drawer?”

Paul ignored your question, looking at you with a mixed expression of frustration and confusion as he paced back and forth in front of your place on his (his dad’s) couch. “He’s seeing someone, or someones, and I don’t know why he didn’t feel the need to tell me that he was even dating again.”

It’s you.

You’re the someone.

It had started last summer, after Paul’s graduation, before he was going away to Law school. You had been away travelling Europe since you decided college wasn’t for you (unlike Paul, who obviously excelled at everything he did), and you were visiting your parents, who were throwing yet another summer barbeque; this time it was for Paul’s departure to Harvard Law. You had surprised him, not telling him you were back from your most recent trip to Portugal.

“What the Hell are you doing here?” Paul had asked, wrapping his arms around you in a too tight hug.

“As if I wouldn’t be here for you when you’re going off to Law school!” you cried, hugging him back just as tightly. “I’m so proud of you.”

You and Paul had been friends and neighbours since you were thirteen, when he moved after losing his mother. His father, Leto, had been a refreshing change to the neighbourhood, being that dad that the mothers were fawning over at school drop off – and as you got older, you couldn’t blame them. He was incredibly good looking and had an impressive beard that made all the other dads jealous (including your own). He was truly the silver fox that made everyone fall to their knees (you included, most recently).

You had harboured a harmless crush on Leto since your junior year of high school. You’d always find yourself blushing whenever he asked you about your day at school or if you were hanging out with Paul, he’d ask if you both needed anything. Just with any interaction you had with him really. But he was your best friend’s dad. You knew it would pass, probably when you started travelling.

And it did pass, until you arrived home for Paul’s barbeque, intending to stay for a little while and start to settle down. You were in your mid-twenties, you had had your fun. You wanted to start saving up for your future, and your mother had managed to get you a job at her shop helping with customer orders. Leto had stopped by to drop off some food that your dad was going to cook, and you were making fresh lemonade in the kitchen.

Amidst the conversation he was having with your father (which you weren’t fully paying attention to), you caught Leto’s eye.

All of a sudden, he wasn’t just your best friend’s dad. He was an insanely good looking, single, man, who was looking at you differently to what he used to do. You held his gaze for a moment longer before turning back to the lemonade, biting your lip to stop yourself from grinning like an idiot. He was someone that you could admire from afar; you couldn’t have him. Again, it was just your fleeting crush coming back after not seeing him for so long.

But he would call you names that he hadn’t before, like sweetheart, and honey. He seemed to make more of an effort to talk to you about your trips around Europe, and how you were home for good now, planning on working with you mother until you could afford a place of your own (you were only a few hundred away now, which would make dates a little easier). The way he spoke to you made your chest feel warm, and you could feel yourself getting all tingly. He had such a nice smile, you’d always thought so, and he was smiling a little more than he used to as he spoke to you, listened to you.

The next day, as you stepped outside to go to work, you caught him mowing his front lawn. You stopped short, at risk of fainting at seeing him hot and sweaty, and wearing a tank top and shorts, sunglasses perched on his nose. You held tightly onto your car keys, trying to even out your breathing as Leto spotted you. He grinned, stopping mowing to give you a wave.

You barely had the coherency to give back a shaky smile and a quick wave back before you darted to your car, refusing to make any more eye contact. You drove away quickly, not giving much caution to your surroundings as you drove away, fanning yourself as soon as you were out of your neighbourhood, your own body hot and clammy. You blamed the weather, and not your best friend’s dad. Definitely the weather.

After that day, you didn’t see much of him. It was as if he was avoiding you, and you berated yourself. You probably weirded him out with your actions towards him, acting like a hormonal teenager. Of course he was just being friendly, you had looked too much into it and now you’d made him uncomfortable. He’ll be talking to Paul about you, asking him if you were on drugs or something like that. You needed to get a grip of yourself.

But it was so hard to do when he was so good looking.

With Paul’s departure to Harvard, you spent less time at the Atreides’ house, which was good enough for you. At least you could keep yourself in check, making sure this harmless crush goes away. You had even downloaded Tinder, since you concluded it had been that long since your last rendezvous, was what was sending you into a spiral when it came down to Leto Atreides.

One week after Paul left, on a Saturday night, you were home alone as your parents were out of town for the weekend. You spent the night scrolling left and right through Tinder, eating your body weight in snacks and a terrible Netflix film on in the background which you hadn’t paid a scrap of attention to. You were contemplating going out last minute just to have something to do when the doorbell rang, causing you to jump slightly. You sigh as you stand, padding your way to the front door, wary since it was late at night and dark out. Only familiar people and murderers come knocking at night.

Your eyes widen as you see Leto through the glass in the door, a bottle of wine in his hand. Your brow furrows as you open the door, looking between his gorgeous face and the bottle of wine. “Hi, Leto.” You lean lightly against the door as your eyes settle on his warm, brown ones. “What brings you over?”

Leto doesn’t answer straight away, swallowing nervously as his eyes trace over you. You were suddenly self-conscious, since you were only wearing a large, oversized t-shirt with a pair of shorts. Leto seems to remember where he is and he lifts the bottle of wine. “Thought you could use some company.”

You hold back a smile as you move aside, letting him into the house before you closed and locked the door behind you, remembering the murderer comment.

“You’re okay on your own?”

You walk through to the kitchen, Leto following you, before working on opening the bottle of wine from the bottle opener he knows is in the drawer, you find some wine glasses in the cupboard. You nod at his question, reaching for the glasses. “I’ve been on my own before. And I am twenty-five, Leto.”

You hear him chuckle behind you, the sound of the cork popping lightly from the neck of the bottle. “I forget how old I am.”

You give a soft smile as you close the cupboard, both wine glasses in hand. “You’re hardly old.”

“Coming from you, that means a lot.”

You hand him a glass, your fingers lightly brushing against each other for a brief moment, causing a tingle to go up your arm and down your spine. He pours a glass for each of you as you tell him, “Don’t sell yourself short, we all love a silver fox.”

Leto lightly snorts into his wine glass, shaking his head before taking a sip. “You’re flattering me.”

“You did over a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon,” you said, grinning at him before taking a sip of your own glass. “Come on,” you motion for him to follow you back to the living room, which he does without pause. “I was just watching…whatever this is.” You wave nonchalantly at the TV, where the cheesy film was still playing and the leads were sharing a kiss in the rain.

“I didn’t think you would be into this kind of thing.”

“I’m not,” you reply, sitting on the couch and folding your legs underneath yourself, Leto sitting next to you. “It was background noise. I was…scrolling through Tinder.”

You said it quietly, almost embarrassed at being caught doing it, even though you were a fully grown, single, adult.

Leto groaned, the sound causing you to involuntarily shiver lightly. You took another drink of your wine so you had something to think about other than the noises he made. “I’ve done that before, it never got me anywhere.”

“You?” you asked, your eyes wide as you look at him in amusement. “You were on Tinder?”

Leto laughed as he looked at you with a pointed look. “Even someone as old as me wants some company sometimes.”

You roll your eyes but you feel a blush crawling up your chest and neck to your cheeks. You sip at your wine to hide it. “You’re not old. And anyone would be lucky to have you, Leto.”

You chatted into the night, soon finishing the bottle of wine. You were feeling a buzz, on the verge of being tipsy but not quite there. You were a little more giggly and chatty, your earlier embarrassments about being around Leto forgotten.

After a while, it was quiet between the two of you before Leto let out a small chuckle. “I thought it would have been awkward to be here.”

You look at him curiously. “Why?”

Leto cleared his throat as he looked down at his wine glass. “I initially came here to apologise.”

You raise an eyebrow as you took the last gulp of your wine, nerves kicking in tenfold. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” Leto replied, looking at you with an intense look on his face. “I’ve been…I’ve been very rude to you recently, and I’m sorry about that.”

You shook your head, placing your wine glass on the coffee table. “I hadn’t even noticed.”

You had.

Leto was already shaking his head. “No, you have, you’re just being polite. It’s…” he trailed off, before rubbing a hand down his face with a deep sigh. “I’m not sure how I’m supposed to say this without coming off as a complete pervert, but I distanced myself because…because I’ve been feeling inappropriate things about you, and I shouldn’t be.”

You stopped breathing. You stare at him, frozen to your spot on the couch. Was this real? Were you dreaming? Had you actually fallen asleep on the couch and now this was what your imagination had come up with? Wine and confessions on the couch on a Saturday night? Had your slightly tipsy mind started hallucinating?

Leto took your silence as a bad thing and tried to explain himself more. “You’re my son’s best friend, and my neighbour’s kid, my friend’s kid, and it’s completely unacceptable and I know I shouldn’t have come over – “

Your hand on his silenced his rambling, him looking away from his wine glass and at you with a slightly helpless look. You traced your finger lightly on the back of his hand, not really realising you were doing it. You gave him a small, closed lipped smile. “It’s okay. Really.”

Leto’s breathing was a little laboured, but he ended up giving you a firm nod. “Okay.”

He paused for a moment before tilting back his wine glass, downing the remaining wine, removing his hand from yours.

You scrambled to get your next words out, in an unusual boost of bravery. “I’ve actually been trying to avoid you too. For the…same reason.”

He froze, staring at you from the side. He had stopped breathing, you were sure of it. You bit your lip, suddenly feeling sober and braver. You shuffled towards him, your eyes watching each other like hawks. He reminded you of a hawk; proud, sharp. His eyes followed you, but he didn’t move away. You found yourself swiftly swinging your legs over his lap, straddling him, your hands landing on his shoulders.

You held back a whimper as you felt his warm hands land on your exposed thighs.

This was really happening.

You played with the curls which sat at the nape of his neck. “Is this okay?”

Leto nodded, not trusting himself to be able to talk. His eyes closed as he leaned forward, his forehead landing on your sternum. You felt him take a few deep breaths before he said, “I can’t believe this is happening.”

You giggled. “Well, we’re both consenting adults, albeit a little tipsy. We can do whatever we want.”

Leto looked up at you, an eyebrow slightly raised. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

You were already nodding, biting your lip as you look up at him. “Yes. Absolutely, yes.”

Your night was filled with heady moans and whispers of Leto’s name, as if he was some sort of prayer. He set your body on fire, you’d never experienced anything like this before. Your body had arched against his, his heartbeat against your chest, and hands roamed all over each other, never settling on a place for too long, trying to get as close as possible. It ended what you felt like was all too soon, with a cry against his lips, your whole body shaking underneath him. But he had trailed his lips down your exposed neck, only for the dance to start again.

It had started off as casual, until Leto admitted that he wasn’t actually seeing anyone else. But neither were you. And it was fantastic, Leto treated you better than any other ex-partner had in the past. And the hiding it from others had given you a bit of a thrill for a while, having to sneak next door when you told your parents you were going out.

But that had all come crashing down now that his son had found the open box of condoms that you had purchased last week. You’d been nervous ever since Paul came back to visit – his first visit since you and Leto became an item. And now, you felt like you were just treading water, keeping this a secret from him.

“I’m just…I’m a little hurt that he didn’t feel the need to tell me.”

You heart broke for him a little at the crestfallen look on his face. “Maybe he thought you would be a little apprehensive about it.”

He definitely would be.

Paul shrugged. He stopped pacing and sighed as he flopped onto the seat next to you, burying his face in his hands, his elbows on his knees. “I’m not sure how I should approach him about it.”

“Because you found out by going through his drawers?”

Paul groans your name. “Stop, okay, that’s not important here.”

“He’s a grown man, Paul,” you say. “You’re not a kid anymore, you don’t even live here. Maybe he just finally feels ready to start seeing people again.”

Paul stops, finally lifting his had from his hands to gaze blankly at you before his eyes narrow, scrutinising you. “What do you know?” he asks after a few moments of silence.

A chill descends down your body. He can’t know, not yet. It’ll send him spiralling, knowing his best friend was with his father. You had to break it to your parents first, God that was a day you weren’t looking forward to. You just shake your head at Paul, deciding you had taken too long to answer. “Nothing!”

“You hesitated.”

“I did not – “

“Have you seen him with someone?” Paul leans forward towards you, his eyes widening in curiosity.

Oh God. “I-I haven’t – “

“Now you’re stuttering, what are you hiding?”

“Jesus, Paul, I’m not…” you can’t lie to him. You’ve never been able to lie to Paul. He just always knew when you were, there was no point to it. “Take it up with your dad.”

You both jumped as the front door opened and closed, Leto walking in looking oh-so-scrumptious in a denim shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, sunglasses on his nose, shopping bags in his arms.

His muscled, tanned, manly arms…

You shook your head, clearing your thoughts as Paul stood, walking over to his father and taking one of the shopping bags. Leto gave him a smile as he closed the door. “Thanks, Paul.”

Paul nodded as Leto greeted you with your name, the two of you trying to look as nonchalant as possible. Paul followed his dad to the kitchen, out of your eyesight, but you could hear him talking, mostly about how Paul’s new girlfriend was taking him out to dinner that night, before you hear Paul clearing his throat and saying, “When I come back from Chani’s later, can we have a talk?”

You grimaced as you heard the Leto starting to put the shopping away. “Yeah, no problem, bud. Anything serious?”

You don’t hear Paul reply. You stand to say your goodbyes, knowing that they probably won’t say anything with you in the house, but Paul walked back into the living room, grabbing his jacket that was hanging by the door. “I’ll call you later, yeah? After my talk with dad.”

Oh, there will be no way he’ll call.

You nod, not knowing what to say as Paul slipped his jacket on. “See you later.”

You gave him a quiet bye as he left. You let out a breath you didn’t realise you were holding, leaning your hands on your knees as you leant forward, trying to calm your beating heart.

“Does he suspect anything?”

You look up at Leto, who was stood by the kitchen door, his sunglasses off, his brown eyes looking at you in concern.

You shake your head. “No, but he found the condoms.”

Leto inhales through his teeth, pulling a face of someone who had been caught with their hand in the – figurative – cookie jar. “Shit. Does he know – “

“He doesn’t know it’s me.”

Leto sighed, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. “I’ll…uh…I’ll tell him I just – “

“It’s been seven months,” you said. “Don’t you think we should…I want to tell my parents.”

Leto stared at you for a few moments, studying you before he finally nodded. “Okay. I’m happy to do that if that’s what you want.”

You nod. “I think it is.”

Leto nodded, hands sitting on his waist, shifting from foot to foot. “I’ll tell Paul tonight then, when he’s back from Chani’s. I suppose he’ll want to talk about the condoms…why was he looking in my bedside table?”

You shake your head, letting out a small laugh. “I’m not sure, he told me it ‘wasn’t important’ when he thought you were dating and didn’t feel the need to tell him.”

Leto groaned, throwing his head back slightly before making his way towards you, his hands sliding around your waist before he buried his head into your neck. You giggled at the feeling of his beard tickling your skin, his warm breath causing you to tremble. “Well then, let’s enjoy this last afternoon together why we can, because I’m sure your father will chase me out of the neighbourhood.”

You laughed again as you felt his hands trail lower down your body. “I suppose Paul won’t notice a missing condom.”

[how-to-portuguese]

Are there any children books in portuguese you will recommend for beginners to read? Thanks

So many people recommend reading children books to learn a new language! Unfortunately, it just wasn’t the right approach for me. I got really bored with the very basic books, but the more interesting books for older children were just too advanced. I chose a slightly different strategy. I picked a book I liked and knew REALLY well, and I tried to read that book. For me, this was Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone.

That way, I would more or less know everything that was going on, even if I didn’t know all the words. This made it easier for me to guess the meaning of words by the context, and then I didn’t have to constantly look up new words. It may sound weird, but I actually recommend that you don’t look up a word or sentence unless you really have no idea what the sentence means. Don’t get stuck on every detail. Just power through. You’ll quickly identify words that are used a lot, and they will stick with you.

At the time I did this, there was this guy who was personally creating a European Portuguese version of the audiobooks (officially they only offer Brazilian Portuguese, but the pronunciation and some of the content differ between the EP and BP versions). He posted each chapter as a separate video on YouTube, so I could listen to a chapter and follow along in the text. This was really helpful to learn how to link the written word to the spoken sounds, even if I didn’t know the meaning of the words.

That being said, I know some people prefer to start with basic children books and slowly progress. While I can’t give examples of specific books, I can provide recommendations on where to find them. You can find books at various levels at Bertrand, Almedina, Porto Editora, FNAC, and Wook. If you don’t want to buy books, you can always use these website to browse and then see if you can find a copy on Library Genesis. You might also be able to get some kind of interlibrary loan or borrow an eBook through your local library.

My husband was a really big fan of the Ducktales comic books when he was a kid. I think this was called “Patoaventuras” in Portugal. Maybe some of my followers or even some native Portuguese have some recommendations on their favourite books?