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queen-of-writing-bad-things · 2 months ago

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Danger Force Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 1

Episode 10: The Thousand Prank War Part 1 (SMUT)

Season 1 Masterlist

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Word count : 20k (oml)

~Swellview Academy for the Gifted~

Down in SWAG, Miles and (y/n) sat side by side, talking quietly in the strangely silent classroom.

The woman listened to the boy as he ranted about what was on his mind, legs swinging over the armrest of Chapa's scarlet desk. She only hoped the girl would not mind how she took her seat, but she wasn't around. And besides, it was usually Ray who took the brunt of the feisty brunette's temper.

They didn't know where the other kids were, having slipped into the empty classroom during recess to have their little chat. It was another rarity since Captain Doofus wasn't hanging off her arm, nor did Schwoz need her assistance, nor did one of his friends need the kind woman.

Honestly, Miles didn't know (y/n/n) was so popular until he sought her advice.

"So, what you're saying is I shouldn't be bothered by it?" Asked the boy as he thoughtfully stroked his chin, eyes cast upwards toward the ceiling.

"No..." answered (y/n), shaking her head and smiling at him kindly. "Everyone likes different things, Miles. Can you imagine how boring life would be if we didn't?"

"I guess so..." He shrugged, glancing at the notepad in his lap with pages of little scribbles - notes from his friend's wisdom.

Anyone else would have laughed at or passed him a book when he went to her for advice and guidance, but not (y/n). She sat him down and explained every detail so he didn't feel ashamed, silly, or stupid - just enlightened.

"But are you sure changing your recipe is okay? I mean, your oatmeal raisin cookies are legendary..."

The heroine gave him a bemused look, flattered by the compliment, but the look on his face was hilarious. Miles came to her for baking tips, hoping to perfect his signature dish as she had done with the cookies, yet when she suggested updating them with walnuts, peanuts, maybe chocolate chips... He genuinely looked like she'd asked him to rob the Swellview Bank.

"Doesn't mean they can't be improved," said (y/n), giggling as she sat upright in the chair and looked at him properly. "My only condition is that you let me be your taste-tester-in-chief. First dibs and all that."

"Deal." They shook on it, smiling brightly at each other before leaning back, knowing they couldn't hide in SWAG forever. Inevitably, some crime would happen, or, more likely, Miles would lose his culinary mentor to the man-child she called her husband.

"You wanna go find the others?" Asked (y/n), and her fingers neared the button on her armrest that would send the chair flying into the Man's Nest above. "I'm pretty certain there's some homemade brownies left in a box upstairs if Schwoz didn't get to them."

"Say no more..." said the kid, his face deadly serious as their eyes met, and for a minute, the woman thought she'd done something wrong. "You had me at brownies."

Without another word, Miles' hand slammed on his button, and he blasted off, leaving a giggling (y/n) to follow after him in search of those delicious, chocolatey baked goods. It took mere seconds for them to travel through the tubes - something the heroine rarely experienced since she never used the kids' chairs - and then, they found themselves in The Nest.

Where things weren't weird at all.

"Oh, hey, Mika! You should totally try this apple--just try this apple--everyone's doing it! Just try the apple!" They heard Bose's voice yell at them nervously, and across the room, they saw the very boy, joined by Chapa, on the couch.

A suspicious platter of fruit was on the table in front of them whilst they sprawled out like everything was fine in the world. Suspicious because the children didn't eat fruit, not to mention how they assumed a thirty-something-year-old woman and a tween boy could be little, old Mika Macklin.

"Yeah, not Mika, but...what's going on?" Asked (y/n) as she approached the table, frowning at the boy and girl when they visibly deflated upon not seeing their intended target.

"Oh, we're waiting for Mika," Bose replied with his usual goofy grin, budging up a little so his friends could sit, too.

"My sister?" Miles frowned, wondering what was so urgent that it had the typically aloof Chapa fidgeting like a toddler.

"The same."

"Why are you guys waiting for Mi---don't touch that!" (y/n)'s scream cut through her own questioning, shocking herself and the kids when Miles reached to grab an apple from the platter. Not because he was overly fond of them, but because he knew that fruit could be...healthy...occasionally.

It was utterly innocent, yet the woman yanked his hand away as if he was about to touch fire, and the glare she gave the plate afterwards... Maybe years of living with Ray had finally caught up with her.

"What gives, (y/n/n)?" He asked, leaving the apple well alone as Chapa and Bose breathed a sigh of relief - strange, but not as strange as their friend's reaction. And she was usually the one banging on eating fruit and vegetables when she wasn't baking brownies.

"There's something weird about this apple..." said the woman, squinting at its shiny, ruddy skin, dappled with flecks of green. Something about it seemed a little too perfect--enough to make her tummy twist into knots.

"Wait...is this a trap?"

"How did you know?!" Chapa blinked at her, wildly surprised that she, the pure-hearted, well-meaning, kind soul, would suspect foul play when they'd prepared their special trick so carefully; was it that obvious?

A dry look from the heroine, complete with a perfectly plucked, arched eyebrow, was enough to make the girl spill the secret, knowing the glare would come next. She never wanted to receive one of those.

"It's not an apple. It's a water balloon filled with spicy milk that's been painted to look like a real apple."

"Once Mika takes a bite--spicy milk!" Bose exclaimed dramatically, and he and Chapa cackled mischievously like partners in crime. It wasn't the first prank the Man's Nest had seen, and it wouldn't be the last, but on Mika? Poor, innocent Mika?

"That seems mean..." muttered (y/n), although it wasn't as bad as the time a certain blond-haired sidekick replaced all the sugar in her cupboards with salt. Those cookies were the stuff of nightmares...

"Well, at least it didn't happen to you," said Chapa, who was wise enough to steer clear of Miss Danger lest she wanted to be haunted by a furious, wailing Ray for the rest of her days for pranking his sweet girl.

"But how did you know it wasn't real?"

"Well, I didn't know it was filled with spicy milk. I just got the sense it was suspicious," answered (y/n) with a slight shrug, and she tapped her tummy, which had settled down now the peril had been averted.

"I used to get pranked all the time in the Man Cave, but ever since the Omega Weapon gave me my Tummy Tingle, I always see them coming."

"I still can't believe you call it a Tummy Tingle," said Chapa, her teeth gritted at the ridiculous, yet cutesy, name that her friend insisted on using. It made her want to barf, which was part of the reason (y/n) kept using it.

"My power, my rules," the heroine teased as she leaned back against the couch, smirking victoriously. "You can give me as many milky apples as you want, but they'll never work on me."

"Yeah, but why are you guys trying to prank Mika?" Asked Miles, knowing his twin better than anyone. If (y/n/n) thought she was confident with practical jokes, she had nothing on his sister despite all her nerdy, innocent ways.

"'Cause she keeps reminding Ray to give us homework at the end of every day," said Chapa, her tone dipping into a frustrated grunt at her friend's overzealous love of learning. It nauseated her, given how Ray loved to feel teacherish by setting them pages and pages of mindless drivel.

"Yeah, that's messed up," Miles agreed, but his face told another anxious story, "but I gotta be real with you. You're never going to prank Mika. She's un-prankable."

His words drew a disbelieving scoff and a little giggle from his friends, with Chapa throwing her head back in amusement at the stupid idea that Miss Goody Two-Shoes herself could outsmart her.

"Wait, Mika?!"

"Like your sister, Mika?" Bose asked, and even he glanced sceptically at the kid.

"The same!" But for Miles, this was no laughing matter. "She's a prank genius! She comes up with great pranks and sees others' pranks coming. She's like (y/n)! It's like her superpower...except for, you know, her superpower."

"Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one..." said (y/n) as the practical jokers amongst them pondered Miles' words carefully. She was by no means a pranking genius, but at least she wasn't the only one who couldn't take a joke - literally.

But, there was no time for more debate as suddenly, an alarm sounded, signalling the arrival of someone in the main tube. The group gathered at the table and played it casually, relaxing on the couch, when they saw that it was the same girl they'd been gossiping about, Mika.

In her flowery blouse and with her bright smile, she didn't look like much of a threat. Or, at least, that's how Chapa saw her, all pink, girly, and glitzy--the total opposite of a Queen Pranker.

"Hey, guys!" She greeted them cheerfully with a little wave before skipping the steps towards them. "How groovaaaay was that homework Ray gave us last night? Huh?"

"Extra math. Can't beat it..." (y/n) smiled in return, being the one to set the questions since her doofus didn't know his SOHCAHTOA from his surface areas. Still, the same couldn't be said for the furious girl across from her.

Chapa snarled, crushing an apple with her electrified fist, making Bose glance at her nervously. Yet, Mika was oblivious, rambling about how she'd worked into the night, surrounded by equations, sums, and answers.

"Mm-hmm, yup! Nothing like a long night of long divi--" Only, she stopped dead when a foreboding sense washed over her.

She knew that feeling. She knew that smell. The smell of mischief and chaos. A distinct whiff of it came from the table, and now that she thought about it, her impish friends were a little too quiet for the Pranking Queen's liking.

"...sion." She turned around on her heel, staring blankly at them through a long, thick lock of her curly hair with those omniscient eyes. All Miles could do was shake his head; he had warned them.

"Someone's trying to prank me," said the girl, making Chapa purse her lips and scoff coolly.

"Whaaaaat?" Bose asked, sounding a little more awkward, but their friend didn't buy it, ominously stepping close as they avoided her gaze.

"I said...someone's trying to prank me." Her hands landed on her brother's shoulders, making poor Miles tense up, but he was safe in the knowledge that he hadn't grievously sinned. That prank was nothing to do with him.

" I know it's not Miles because he's learned his lesson..." He grimaced at the memory of his utter defeat, twiddling one of the grapes he'd pulled from the fruit platter--not that he had any appetite left.

"And I know it's not (y/n/n) 'cause she's too nice to go around viciously pranking people, so...it must be one of you."

"Whaaaaaaat?" Bose reiterated, another scoff falling from Chapa's lips, and they both shook their heads at her outlandish...if accurate...accusation.

"Why would we try to prank you?"

"Yeah, sis. You're our girl-power B-F-F for life, chica!" Chapa exclaimed, grinning ear to ear, which may have looked more creepy than anything, particularly with the uncharacteristically sweet compliments.

Either way, Mika didn't buy it, frowning because in the few months she'd known the brunette, she'd never called her sis or chica. Other, fouler things, maybe, but B-F-F? She smelled a rat.

"Okay, then, why don't you take a bite of that nice, shiny apple?" He suggested, eyeing the pristinely painted apple that the pranksters had replanted on the plate.

"That apple there?" Chapa asked, masking her gulp as best she could at the terrifying glint in the girl's eye.

"The same."

"I'm not hungry." She twitched a smile, meeting Mika's equally sharp gaze. Not that the girl would back down. If anything, the blatant refusal bemused her, and she smirked at her friend and taunted her, too.

"Aw..." Mika cooed in a baby voice that made Chapa's insides cringe and claw at how saccharine it was - deliberately aimed to irk her. "I'm sure you have room in your tummy for one small bite of this apple..."

"Actually, I am kinda hungry!" When she put it that way, Bose and all his dimwittedness couldn't resist reaching out to take the shining, scarlet fruit.

All (y/n) could do was facepalm as Chapa freaked and yanked it from his hands, careful not to burst the damn thing since she didn't want spicy milk everywhere. But by then, it was too late.

"No, Bose! It's filled with spicy milk!"

"Ah-ha!" The victorious shriek that left Mika was grating, dancing around behind her brother as Chapa growled. She didn't know what was worse; her gloating or how smug Miles was.

"Told you! She can't be pranked!"

"Dang it!" Even Bose was frustrated, knowing how much work they'd put into painting all the fruit. Their effort only made Mika howl harder.

"Oh, But that was cute, though! With your little fake apple filled with spicy milk...and your banana filled with glue! And your grapes, where every fourth one is a rock!"

"Ow!" She could have said it sooner. Miles wailed in agony as he bit down on what was essentially a green pebble, and he swore he felt his tooth crack. Yet, much to her friends' astonishment, Mika was uncanny, seeing through every trick and joke.

"God, she is good..." muttered (y/n), smiling at the girl who made her tummy tingle look measly.

Still, at least she didn't have to clean up after any pranks, wrinkling her nose at the stench of spicy milk staining the couch - and that was the mere thought. The sound of the metal door opening made her smile, though, going gooey-eyed and girly when her beloved doofus wandered in, looking as handsome as ever.

Even if he was as big-headed as ever.

"Not better than me!" Ray said as he swaggered in, flexing his beefy arms and holding a clipboard. "What are we talking about?"

"Well, doofus..." answered his sweet girl, who rose from the couch to smile at him brightly, which made the hero's grumpy frown turn upside down.

He waltzed toward his wife, yearning to be near her since it had been an hour since they last spoke. And that was way too long for him to endure.

"Missed you, sweetheart..." he whispered as his hands found her hips, placing a delicate, yet long, kiss on her soft lips - making the kids groan and wrinkle their noses. Any explanation or other rational thought left (y/n)'s mind, too busy wondering how a simple blue t-shirt could make a doofus look that hot.

"You guys are so gross..." mumbled Chapa with one of her deep, bitter eye rolls - anything so that she didn't have to watch the man pat his beloved wife on the butt.

The worst thing was that (y/n) encouraged him, hanging from his neck as she kissed his cheek and whispered something equally nauseating.

"Whatever--shut up!" Ray snapped back, feeling too fluttery to care about their criticism. Why would he care when his sweet girl hugged his arm and kissed him so softly?

"I've got an assignment for the four of you."

With a press of his remote controller, Ray spun the couch to face the holographic screen, which he'd already programmed to show them the details of his mission. Namely, one that he didn't want to complete himself for more than one reason, starting with the photo of the weirdo on-screen.

"Who is that human peacock?" Chapa snorted once she saw the flamboyant man on the profile.

He looked ridiculous, wearing some embellished uniform and a snooty expression. But the worst thing had to be the brown sausage-looking thing on his shoulder. What was that?

"Who, him?" Asked (y/n), regretfully looking at the man she'd been unfortunate enough to meet several times, each worse than the last. "That human peacock is Archduke Fernando...from Rivalton."

The revelation had her doofus blowing a loud raspberry as he gave a big thumbs down, nearly drowned out by the booing from the kids. They despised that place; it could only be described as the cesspit of the tricounty area - a literal hellhole that stunk as much as it sucked.

"And, as you know, tomorrow is, of course, Kielbasa Day."

"Already?!" Bose gasped as Ray curled an arm around his wife and pulled her close. "I forget Kielbasa Day every year!"

"Anyray... The Archduke's coming to Swellview to give some stupid speech about...something stupid, and he's asked for the best protection possible."

"Nice!" Miles grinned at his friends, excited to finally be recognised and respected by their teacher and this fancy-pants duke guy.

"...Unfortunately, me and (y/n) are busy, so he's going to have to settle for you guys." Or not.

Ray didn't even flinch, never once looking up from his clipboard as he delivered the harsh truth, making his sidekicks glare at him. It was a fair roast, but did he have to be so mean?

"Come on!"

"That hurts, Ray!" They complained, looking at their much nicer friend for help, but even (y/n) couldn't help. She just shrugged and looked apologetic, maybe even a little bashful, as her cheeks warmed up - highly suspicious if you ask them.

She couldn't even look them in the eye, although that could have had something to do with how Ray took her by the hand, tossing the board and putting his arm around her shoulders. Something about him seemed...smug.

"I got a date with my incredibly hot wife, so the four of you are gonna have to protect him for us!" Said the hero, grinning at the woman, who also couldn't contain her excitement.

Between running The Nest, fighting crime, and teaching four excitable kids, date nights had fizzled out. (y/n) knew it was bad when she looked forward to grocery shopping - the only alone time they got that wasn't in their bedroom.

"Aw, you're goin' on a date, (y/n/n)?" Mika smiled, finding it cute how her friend practically jumped up and down - even if it made Ray work-shy and nauseatingly affectionate.

"Yep! First one in nearly a month!" The heroine replied, clapping her hands together. She looked up at her husband happily, and her gri only grew wider when he stooped lower to give her another gentle kiss. "I'm so excited for it!"

"You and me both, pretty girl..." muttered Ray, a dangerous, dark glint in his eye as his hand slipped south from her lower back.

His wife could only roll her eyes at that - how his hand never moved from that spot until he spotted the fruit platter, still sitting between the kids. It looked entirely innocent to the doofus, and since it had been a while since breakfast, he supposed no one would mind...

"Hmmm, don't mind if I do!"

"Sir, you might not want to eat--" said Bose, trying to warn his teacher after he picked up the prank apple - the one that was like a grenade the moment he squeezed it between his fingers.

"Shhhh!" Chapa shushed him, interrupting the boy before he could warn Ray of the spicy-milky danger he was in. "If he wants to eat an apple, let him eat an apple."

"Thank you!" Ray nodded, even if he found their tense faces a little weird. He opened his mouth to bite into the fruit, with Chapa squirming from the building excitement in her seat.

"--Oh, as always, if you guys screw this up, I'll be furious! And if you do everything correctly, I will not praise you."

"He won't, but I will..." said (y/n), slapping her doofus on the arm for being so mean, but she couldn't help but eye the apple nervously. That thing made her tummy tingle go haywire. "Doofus, are you sure you want that apple?"

"Of course, sweet girl. Do you want some?" He offered her a bite, smiling innocently since he knew of her habit of stealing his food and drinks. Yet, he couldn't think about why she jumped back like that.

"No! You can have it, but you should really know--"

"Okay, darlin'. Oh, one last thing..." said Ray, turning to the giggling children as they tried to conceal their laughter. They leaned forward to catch the action, but they couldn't make it too obvious. "Don't make fun of his ponytail. Okay, that's it--byyyyyyyeeeeee!"

"Raymond, don't--" It was too late.

The moment Ray's pearly whites touched the delicate, dappled skin, the apple burst, spraying his face and chiselled torso. All (y/n) could do was try to avoid being splashed, scolding the kids for their loud, raucous laughter, but a giggle breached even her lips.

He looked ridiculous, with milk dripping down his shirt - one his beloved wife bought for his birthday, Christmas, or some other gift-giving occasion. And, that wasn't the worst part - that would be how it felt like lava on his tongue.

"Ah! Spicy milk!"

"Oh, doofus, you're soaked through..." His sweet girl comforted him, although the most she could do was dab at his chest with a napkin. At least she got to feel his muscles... "And will you stop laughing?!"

"This is why you should never eat fruit!" Ray grumbled, stomping toward the metal door as his precious wife followed him, throwing a few glares over her shoulder when Chapa kept giggling. He couldn't escape the hyenas quickly enough, pulling her down the corridor.

"It will wash out, Raymond..." said (y/n) as she guided her husband toward the showers, which he would need before the milk soured.

"True..." Ray shrugged, pulling his shirt over his head since he hated how the wet fabric clung to his skin. Well, there was a silver lining, namely the sight (y/n) got of his naked body.

"Hey, sweet girl, should we save water and shower together?" Make that two silver linings.

*LE SMUT STARTS NOW*

Date time. It was here, it was happening, and Ray was loving it.

He was like a child as he skipped and twirled around a parking lot, almost humming a dreamy tune under his breath, if it didn’t make him look weird. Grinning like an idiot, he circled his open-top car – the fancy one – and opened the door for his sweet girl, who only playfully rolled her eyes when she saw how happy he was.

(y/n) was buzzing, too, graciously accepting his hand as she climbed out of the car. She couldn’t wait to sit down and relax for a couple of hours; no one but her and her doofus would be at that table, and then, after a long, quiet dinner, they could go home and enjoy their night off. And judging by how he rubbed his hands together, the hero couldn’t wait to get to dessert.

“Would you join me, dear lady?” He asked in a silly, fancy voice as he offered her his arm, making (y/n) giggle.

“But of course, good sir.” She accepted, twisting their arms together as he led them toward the place he’d chosen – a restaurant neither of them had tried before, but Ray was always up for new things.

It was lovely that he’d booked, surprising her with the reservation when it became apparent that they desperately needed some time away from The Nest. But in hindsight, (y/n) wished she’d double-checked where they were going, her smile wobbling when she saw the place. With its neon lights and vintage vibe, the restaurant made for a hip and trendy burger bar, which wasn’t the best place for the woman to break out her best jewellery and heels.

“You could’ve told me we were getting burgers, doof,” she said, giving him a slightly disproving side-eye, discounted by the teasing warmth in her gaze. “I would’ve worn something different.”

Ray looked at her, gaze sweeping down the little, black dress she’d chosen for a fancier date. “What do you mean, sweet girl?”

He smirked, knowing withholding his plans from her was a little devious, but he couldn’t help it. Sure, she looked beautiful in everything she wore, but seeing her dressed up was something else. “You look hot.”

“More like overdressed, you big doofus,” replied (y/n), feeling a little silly in her sleek, sexy dress and expensive heels as they reached the door, and before they even stepped in, she already pictured the beer-guzzlers and teenagers inside.

“This looks more like a jeans and t-shirt kinda place.”

“I like this dress…” the hero muttered, his hand finding the small of her back after holding the door open for his sweet girl. “I like anything. Anything can be taken off.”

Her scandalised, wide-eyed expression met his grinning one, scolding him with a whack on the arm. “Raymond!”

Glancing around the doorway, she noticed how quiet the place was – not unusual for a midweek lunchtime. Still, their teasing exchange invited a few glances from the bar and booths, namely from some regulars. They eyed the couple up and down before returning to their drinks and food, too drunk or uninterested to care who’d just walked in.

“Behave.”

“Oh, I intend to,” Ray said, smiling as a young man approached them – a tall, thin guy of no more than twenty-five. With his dyed black hair, double earrings, and rings on his fingers, he was the sort of cool kid (y/n) expected to work in a restaurant like that, and she smiled as he asked for their reservation.

Her doofus’ hand tightened on her waist, ensuring to empathise the Mrs part of Mr and Mrs Manchester. Whatever his jealousy, the obliging boy – a mere child – showed them to their table, weaving through the small, cosy tables to an even cosier booth in a secluded corner.

She slipped in first, enjoying the cool leather and velveteen cushions, but mostly how she could stare dreamily at her husband as he sat across from her, brushing past the weedy kid with his immense bulk.

“Seriously, though, doofus,” (y/n) asked as she picked up her menu once the waiter walked away. “What made you choose The Unhappy Cow for our date?”

“The food here is meant to be insane, and nothing is too good for my wife,” he answered, barely looking at the menu as his eyes softened – just like they always did when looking upon his favourite girl. He held her hand across the table, stroking her wedding rings with his thumb as she sighed, propping her chin on her hand with the most lovestruck of gazes.

She sighed, wondering which jackpot she hit to get him. His hand felt impossibly warm on hers, with all thoughts about food gone when he gave her that beaming, pearly-white smile. “Ray…”

“And because of the low lighting, I can do this…” She watched as his other hand slipped into his trouser pocket, but he didn’t reach for his phone, car keys, or anything like that.

Not five seconds later, soft vibrations pulsed against her clit, making the woman jolt in her seat at the sudden sensation. Yet, to say it was unexpected didn’t mean it was unwelcome; her eyes fluttered at the gentle pleasure, her propped-up arm fell against the table, and a squeak left her lips, fingers trembling under his palm.

“Ray!”

He smirked at her reaction, circling the buttons under his fingertips as he enjoyed watching her buzz, too. “I’d keep your voice down if I were you. You’re wearing them, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know what you mean, Mr Manchester…” (y/n) replied, a brattish note in her voice when the vibrations disappointingly died down, leaving her feeling strangely hollow.

“You don’t fool me, Mrs Manchester,” said the man, leaning back in the booth and spreading his deliciously thick thighs. He looked immense in the cramped space but oh so good in his brightly patterned, open-collar shirt.

Retrieving his hand from his pocket, he stroked his chin thoughtfully, knowing his effect on her when he did that. “So, I’ll ask again…are you wearing them?”

“I…yes.” She couldn’t lie to him, not when her pussy had piqued its interest. Squirming in her seat, she was all too aware of how tight her dress felt after being teased like that, but she was even more conscious of what she wore underneath and how soaked they were already.

“Good girl,” Ray muttered, his stomach swooping low at the thought of his wife wearing specially boughtunderwear. And by specially bought, he meant the ones he’d surprised her with five minutes before they walked out of the door, begging her to slip them on since he’d paid a small fortune for the pleasure. Oh, and what a pleasure he hoped they’d be.

“I didn’t actually think you’d do it.”

(y/n) narrowed her eyes at him, feeling her cheeks warm as she recalled how easily she’d given in. In fairness, she’d brought it on herself, but his smug, sexy grin made the embarrassment even worse.

His eyes had watched her like a hawk as she stepped into the bathroom and pushed her lacy underwear to her ankles before exchanging it for what her doofus called vibrating panties. God, give her strength. “You’re the one who insisted!”

“You’re the one who suggested it.” He shrugged, acting nonchalantly despite the pure, childish exhilaration in his veins. “They’re your coupons, after all. I’m just cashing them in.”

She couldn’t argue with that, cursing the day she presented her newly wedded husband with that infernal box. As if their sex life ever needed spicing up – what was she thinking? But it made him happy – like a kid on Christmas when she emerged from the bathroom with no inkling of whether or not she actually swapped the underwear. Now, he had his answer, much to her embarrassment.

“But here? Really?”

He nodded, with that shit-eating grin again, as he laughed lightly. He was enjoying himself – perhaps a little too much. “Anywhere, any time, any place.”

“Shall we see if they work?”

“R—” Before the heroine could give him one of her stern warnings, his hand returned to his pocket, and within seconds, the vibrations returned. “Holy shit.”

She lurched forward on the table, tipping her head back to give the smouldering man before her a view of her long, flawless neck. Ray gulped at the sight, finding it simultaneously beautiful and torturous to see her like that; his wife in the throes of pleasure was exquisite, but he wondered if he’d be able to keep his hands off her.

“Huh…” he murmured, marvelling at her visceral reaction as her eyes cracked open. “That’s just the first setting, and you’re already squirmin’, sweetheart. There’s four more.”

“Doofus…” She moaned, biting her lip to keep quiet. It might have been midday, but they weren’t alone; she acutely remembered walking past several occupied tables not ten minutes earlier, each filled with people. They’d hear her whimpers if she got too loud, but it was so good…and yet not enough. “More…”

He shook his head, although he never left the secret remote control. Sitting facing the entrance, he saw a familiarly lanky figure approaching them, wearing that stupid band and charming smile that made Ray want to roll his eyes. He had a notepad and pen in hand, so the hero backed off, straightening his spine and smirking.

“Nuh-uh, pretty girl. The waiter’s coming, and I don’t want that scrawny-lookin’ kid seeing my wife like this.”

The buzzing died to nothing, leaving (y/n) bitterly disappointed as the warmth in her core disappeared, too. It was only enough to spark pleasure in her body, leaving her twitching and slightly frustrated; if only he’d upped it… “Jerk.”

But she couldn’t pout for long, jumping in her seat when a dark, looming body appeared beside her. “Have you decided what you’d like to eat and drink?”

With a polite smile and poised pen, the waiter waited patiently as she took a moment to process the question, standing on the politeness of his good manners. Another second later, she realised she’d never actually read the menu properly, so the heroine frantically scanned the jumble of letters, looking for anything safe enough to order practically blind.

“Erm…yes…” She said, clearly stalling the kid as she ran her finger down the list, swallowing her moans, only to choke on her own saliva when Ray’s thumb found button number two.

A stronger sensation hummed on her clit, giving her what she wanted at the exact wrong moment. Her cunt clenched around nothing, hijacking all notions of food and replacing them with laments of how achingly empty she felt, slick seeping against the vibrator. “I’ll have the—the—”

“Go on, sweet girl. What do you want?” Ray asked innocently, fighting a groan when she stammered and shook, looking so beautiful.

His sweet girl was usually the picture of calm and collection, but with the panties on setting two, she couldn’t help but clench her fists and quiver.

“I want…” (y/n) gulped, taking a deep breath as she powered through to ignore the vibrations. Although, she could do little more than point at the menu and stutter… “T-The classic cow burger with c-curly fries…”

The waiter dutifully noted down her order, having come across more than a few weirdos in his time – perhaps this woman was just shy? He never would have imagined how her husband teased her, flip-flopping between settings two and three to create pulses that only made her mind foggier. “And to drink?”

“Um…” Shit, she hadn’t thought about that. (y/n) glanced at glare at her cocksure husband, knowing how thoroughly he was enjoying her torture as he played with his new toy. A trickle of slick ran down her slit, undoubtedly pooling on the leather beneath her as she raised the menu to select a drink, her hands shaking slightly.

Turning the menu over, the heroine looked at the cocktail menu, choosing the first thing she saw as Ray maintained the deliciously intense buzzing. “A—a margarita, th—thanks.”

“…Sir?”

Ray didn’t even look at the menu or the waiter, too enraptured by his wife as she slumped against the booth. She looked like jelly, her half-lidded eyes blinking slowly as he mercifully allowed her to enjoy the high setting. “I’ll have the same but with a beer. Thanks.”

“Okay…” As the waiter gathered the menus, all (y/n) could do was sit there with hot cheeks, hanging her head to avoid his gaze. Every extra second he took by her side felt like a year, praying he’d just leave before she howled like she wanted. “I’ll get it sent to you ASAP.”

Finally, thank God, he left, obliviously leaving the couple alone as he returned to the kitchen or the foyer or the goddamn moon for all the woman cared. With their vague sense of privacy again, she sighed contently, rolling her hips to try and chase the vibrator, enjoying how it slipped and slid through her wetness, teasing her clit.

She looked at her husband through bleary eyes, wishing she could be madder at him, but all she saw was a ridiculously handsome man. His broad shoulders, strong arms, and thick torso only made her wetter, suddenly wishing his cock could fill her in tandem with the buzz. “You’re evil.”

“I’m Captain Man, sweet girl. I eat evil for breakfast,” Ray replied in a near-silent whisper, having no regrets as he shifted in his seat. His length rubbed against his zipper, painfully hard after watching her silent struggle, and he imagined how soft and silky her soaked walls would be around his fingers.

“Don’t say you didn’t enjoy it…”

“What happened to not showing the scrawny kid?” She asked dryly, yet there was no malice in it. She was too content and drunk on pleasure to give any real bite.

“Changed my mind…” He shrugged, licking his lips when she whined quietly. “You look so pretty when you’re trying not to cum.”

She frowned at him for that, wanting to give him a piece of her mind, but how could she? “Raymond…Fuck.”

Her pussy throbbed, soaking the seat and her thighs as she longed for a good, thorough fucking. Still, she chased her high, feeling it somewhere far off but slowly approaching, and the thrill made her shiver.

Her nipples hardened, slightly peeking through her dress, although you’d have to squint to notice. Ray, for one, stared, noticing everything about her, wondering if he pulled down the front, was she wearing a bra, or would he be able to suck and lick and tease them like he desperately craved?

“I can just sit here, mind my own business, relax, and watch my wife cream herself without ever laying a finger on her.”

Swallowing thickly, he growled as she twitched, bucking her hips into nothing – chasing his cock like the greedy girl she was. “Fuck, you give a good show, darlin’.”

“Do I?” She asked innocently, despite looking like absolute sin, as she bit her lower lip, removing another layer of lipstick until it faded.

“Yeah…” He nodded slightly, thumbing the remote and the final button – the one he knew would send her hurtling toward the edge. “You want it higher?”

She shook her head, already feeling dizzy from the powerful vibe, but at the same time, she longed for the extra push toward her orgasm. She could feel it, noting how her cunt throbbed and squeezed, secretly wanting her doofus to bend her over the table and fuck her long and hard. “No… Yes… I don’t know.”

“I say higher.” He didn’t give her a chance to debate it.

He pushed the final button, and the reaction was instantaneous. Her trembling hand nudged the cutlery as she let out an embarrassingly loud squeak, drawing strange looks from those only a few feet away. Luckily, the darkness and high backs of the booths shielded them, not that it stopped (y/n) from slapping a hand over her mouth.

“Look at you. You’re trying so hard not to let them hear you.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, a few tears escaping as she did. Her clit felt like it was burning – so good it was painful – and she jerked her hips like she could escape the torturous assault.

Her voice sounded croaky and muffled as she spoke from behind her hand, lightly slapping her hand on the table as the need to cum grew stronger. “Don’t want to get kicked out—o-or a-arrested.”

“Like I said, Captain Man,” her doofus said cockily, which would usually elicit an eye roll, but it just made her cunt quiver, watching as he stretched and slipped his free hand under the table.

His eyes fluttered, too, as he allowed himself a single touch of his clothed cock – taking himself in hand would be a step too far, unfortunately.

“Can still get arrested.”

“Don’t let them hear you, then,” he told her coolly, resting both his palms on the table as he steeled himself—resigned himself to watch the show.

He took a shaking hand in his, stroking it tender with the thought that it would soothe her. It made the fire within her burn brighter, wishing she could drag it across the table and ask him to finger her underneath. Would that be too much to ask?

“How close are you?”

“Close,” she replied quietly, only to nearly scream when the vibrations dipped to the lower second for a mere moment, leaving her in despair. “Leave it on hi—!”

“Like that?” Within another second, it was back, making her pussy twitch at the teasing.

She didn’t have the energy or focus to glower at him; instead, she gripped the edge of the table, finding that if she squeezed her thighs together, the sensations tripled.

“God, why haven’t we done this sooner?”

“‘Cause I—I—I would’ve had—a—a heart attack!” She exclaimed breathlessly, questioning if anyone would notice if she hiked up her skirt and slipped a hand down—they definitely would.

It was all his fault, and she stared at him with teary eyes – so close, yet it wasn’t enough without her handsome doofus on top of her. “Ray…fuck—-”

“‘Can tell you’re close, and m’not even touching you, sweet girl…” he muttered, drinking the sight of her in like a fine wine.

He’d loved and fucked her long enough to know when she was minutes away from cumming. Her hair was tousled from thrashing against the booth; her skin looked clammy; she couldn’t sit still, and she couldn’t stop the almost inaudible whine in the back of her throat. “Your legs shakin’ yet? Getting that sweet pussy all wet f’me?”

“Mm-hmm…” She nodded weakly, wishing she had the coherency to say in words how she was sitting in a puddle of her own slick – so ready for him.

“That’s it. Get her nice and ready for me ‘cause once we leave here…” He bit his lip, already picturing all the positions he’d twist her into once he had her in bed.

It felt like aeons since they’d had a day dedicated to purely fucking. It was difficult when four kids and a Schwoz begged for attention all the time, but now he had ample opportunity to reacquaint himself with her sweet, sweet cunt. Oh, how he’d drink her in after lunch. All afternoon if he could.

“What’s my record again? Eight in one night? How about we go for ten this time? Or more? We have all day, after all…”

“Shit, Ray—-C-close—” (y/n) moaned, fighting to keep quiet, but it was difficult when he planted more filth in her mind. Images of them fucking flashed before her eyes, encouraging her to shake and clench and drenchand— “I’mma—-I’mma—“

“Cum for me, sweet girl.” Ray gulped at a twitch of his cock, eyes fixed on how her face scrunched up and her body leaned over, giving him a view down the valley of her cleavage. “Just f’me…”

One word from him, and she let go, shrieking silently with a hoarse voice as her pussy gushed. “Doofus!”

The emptiness of it all struck her, even as the powerful humming stretched the pleasure for what seemed like years as she hunched over the table, shoulders trembling. Her thighs pressed together, reminding her of their stickiness while the white-hot pleasure ran through her blood, filling her every nerve.

Throughout the beautiful scene, Ray never touched the remote, smirking to himself when the vibrations clearly became too much, pulling another silent moan from his precious wife. She wrapped her knuckles against the table, hips jerking against the overstimulation, wishing for mercy when—

“Here are your drinks—sorry about the wait.” The pleasure turned to ice-cold dread, and the buzzing stopped.

As (y/n) swore her heart stopped, Ray pulled himself together, slipping his hand into his pocket and killing the vibrations. He also discreetly arranged himself, clearing his throat as if the sex goddess across from him didn’t achingly turn him on.

But he had to remain composed – one of them had to. The heroine had never felt so bashful, pretending to scratch her forehead as the lithe waiter appeared from nowhere, carrying a platter laden with food and drinks. “I’ve got you some halloumi sticks on the house—are you all right, ma’am?”

He frowned in concern upon seeing the flushed lady, who had to fan her cheeks or else she feared overheating. She smiled faintly, nodding but saying nothing, too scared to use her voice in case it was as scratchy as she feared.

“My wife is just hot. That’s all,” Ray told the boy calmly, waving off his concern because that was his job. His wife to worry about. And, much to his victorious smirk, only he could bask in her post-orgasm glow.

“Oh…” The waiter muttered, and Ray rolled his eyes at how fortunately oblivious he was. “Do you want some water?”

(y/n) shook her head, ignoring her gloating husband as she tried to appear normal despite her racing heartbeat. “I’m fine. Just hot…”

“Are you sure, sweetheart?” The hero asked, fluttering his eyelashes with that doofy smile of his, which was anything but innocent as he patted her hand. “You look pretty thirsty to me.”

Her reply came short and sharp, feeling the heat and embarrassment return as her husband stroked her knuckles with his thumb. “Actually, I think I will have some water.”

It was seemingly tender and affectionate, but she knew better. Plastering her brightest smile, she looked at the waiter, meeting his eye as he anxiously looked back and forth between them. “Thank you.”

The kid scuttled away, not knowing whether to be concerned or disturbed by the strange interaction. Puffing out her cheeks with a heavy sigh, (y/n) looked darkly at her husband, who couldn’t help but chuckle, no matter how much trouble it would land him in.

“Thirsty, Raymond? Really?”

“Just saying what I see, darlin’,” replied the man, grinning cheekily as he brought the back of her hand to his lips – feeding his desire with the feeling of her skin on his.

“As if I’d tell that punk that I’d just had the pleasure of watching my wife c—“

“Okay, okay! Don’t say it !” She hissed, glancing around nervously in case anyone heard.

Now that she was out of her horny-induced haze, she couldn’t remember how quiet she’d been – if she’d been quiet at all. She only hoped their rendezvous remained secret, glancing up at her doofus through her eyelashes as she tugged his hand. “Can’t we go home already? I know you want me, too…”

“Fuck…” Hoping to make a quick getaway – just in case – she raised a leg under the table, having slipped her foot out of her heel. There, she felt his bulge and how he instinctively spread his legs to give her more access, and it was her turn to smirk as she rolled her toes.

Still, as much as he longed to ravish her, Ray knew the wait would only make fucking her sweeter. Hell, he’d class it as dessert. He pushed her foot away, clearing his throat and leaning forward, giving her those Captain Man bedroom eyes that did nothing to stop (y/n)’s excitement, but it did pin her in place.

“We’re on a date, sweetheart. You know the rules, but if you get desperate, there’s always the bathroom over there, and you know I have no problem bending you over and—“

A ping interrupted him, and to his deep frown, the hero watched as his wife fished her PearPhone from her purse. She glanced at the screen and frowned herself, forgetting their flirtatious banter when she read a text. “Wait a minute.”

“Sweet girl!” Ray whined, losing all of his cool when he lost her to a slab of technology, and he bounced in place as he pawed at her arm. “Pay attention to me!”

The woman raised her hand, placing a delicate finger against his lips, which Ray immediately kissed. He worked his way down her wrist, hoping to entice her into taking him up on that bathroom offer, but his sweet girl stared at her phone.

“No, hang on, doofus. It’s from Mika.”

His lips froze against her skin, twisting into a scowl at the thought of those meddling kids scheming to cock-block him for the Nth time. “I told them not to call, text, or, hell, smoke signal us! What does a guy have to do to woo his wife in peace?!”

The grumpy frown on his handsome face seemed permanent as a sinking feeling settled in his gut. He hated to ask, but why did he feel it wasn’t just a one-time message? “What does she want?”

As her eyes scanned the words on the screen, (y/n) gulped, her gaze anxiously skirting to Ray when she opened a link to the KLVY newsfeed, sent by the girl. “Oh, fuck.”

“What?” Ray asked, his mouth set in a grim, straight line as his wife cringed, not knowing how to tell him. But she had to, swiping down to the story that Mika highlighted, admitting the truth with a goddamn sad-face emoji.

“Okay, doofus. So, don’t get mad, but…” She turned the phone so he could see, and the hero felt like screaming.

On the headlines of KLVY stood Danger Force alongside Archduke Fernando of Rivalton. They weren’t smiling or posing proudly – that would mean they did something right for once.

Oh, no. He gave them one job, and they fucked it up. Cancel those burgers - that was their date ruined.

*LE SMUT ENDS NOW*

Danger Force expected to get yelled at. They done goofed – they understood that, but honestly? Nothing could prepare them for Angry Ray, who marched himself and his sweet girl back to the Man's Nest quicker than they could escape to Cuba. Seriously, Miles wondered how long he could hide out there before his boss hunted him down.

But Ray would go to the ends of the Earth to find those interfering little miscreants. He gave them one job—one guy to protect for one afternoon, and they couldn't even manage that. He could forgive the humiliation they caused but interrupting a steamy date with Mrs Manchester? Hell hath no fury like a doofus left high and dry.

"Statistically, I haven't been on a date with my sweet girl since you guys showed up!" Exclaimed the furious hero, who (y/n) thought cut a dashing figure in his trademark, alarmingly bright shirt. Plus, Angry Ray was Hot Ray, although the kids would have argued otherwise, sitting on the couch with chins on their fists as he ranted.

"But I finally get a chance to go out with my absolutely stunning wife, who looks really hot in her dress—" They couldn't argue with that, glancing at the lady in her little, black dress. "—and you guys have to go ahead and—"

"Whoa, whoa, doof, hang on..." (y/n) interrupted, stepping forward and laying a hand on her husband's beefy arm. She didn't care about the yelling, knowing the kids needed a telling-off for slacking off, but she noticed something weird mid-rant.

"Oh, sure, pretty girl..."

Padding across the floor barefoot – having grown tired of her heels after stomping back home in a foul mood – she looked around the couch. She saw Bose, Mika, and Miles, but no sassy sourpuss, who also deserved to see her disappointed face after ruining what been a deliciously spicy date.

"Where's Chapa?"

"She suited up to answer a call," answered Miles awkwardly, sitting on the back of the half-moon couch with his sister. "Some dude was spittin' on people at BalMart."

"Alone?" The quirked a brow, not liking when one of her babies went off without backup — even if they were mood killers. Ray, however, was not so concerned, scoffing and puffing out his cheeks as he curled an arm around her waist to pull his sweet girl close; he deserved her precious attention, not them.

"Who cares, sweetheart? I'll yell at her when she gets back," he grumbled, placing his other hand on his hip, muttering curses under his breath—some of which were audible to the children's innocent ears.

"Look, I'm sorry Archduke Fernando got pranked on our watch..." said Mika, folding her arms in a manner that did not convey any remorse. "But honestly, that guy was kinda a jerk!"

"Yeah!" Bose agreed from his place on the floor. Why he chose to sit there rather than on the couch was anyone's guess. "He keeps calling the Man's Nest and demanding I give back Gideon."

"You probably should. You don't know where that's been," said (y/n), cringing with everyone else as the boy rubbed his face on the Archduke's severed ponytail – a fallen soldier of the prank. Watching him nuzzle it made her want to be sick, knowing Fernando loved it...a little too well.

"I would never do not! You're just so soft!" Bose cooed in a babyish voice, ignoring the haters and cradling Gideon like it was his firstborn child—or how Ray cradled his sweet girl.

"So, who cares if he got pranked, anyway?" Said Miles, swiftly moving on from that. Thankfully, his friend sat so low that he couldn't watch the lovefest; instead, he turned to Ray's grumpy scowl, acting like it and (y/n)'s disappointment didn't sting. "I mean, it's no big deal."

"No big deal?" The hero stuttered, glancing at his wife's pretty visage before facing the ignorant boy. "You really think war is no big deal?!"

Well, when he put it like that... All he got was confused giggles.

"What?"

"What are you talking about? War?" Asked the bemused Macklin Twins, although neither Ray nor (y/n) was laughing.

"So soft." Bose was just simping for some weirdo's hair, utterly unaware of the tense situation literally passing over his head.

"He's talking about The Thousand Pranks War," (y/n) told them, sounding serious and severe like anyone would when talking about horrific, bloody conflict. But honestly, neither kid knew what she was talking about; in fairness, it was pretty singular to Swellview.

"Really?" Ray scoffed, seeing their puzzled faces. "Don't they teach you kids anything in schools these days?!"

"Uh, doofus... We're their teachers," muttered (y/n), thinking her adorkable husband had kinda stepped on her point there. Still, she couldn't stay mad at him, not when he looked so pretty with his floofy hair and huge, squishy pecs.

"Yeah, and we usually have to teach you," added Miles dryly, eyes narrowly fixed on the moronic man, who glared when the sarcastic comment distracted him from the adoring gaze of his wife. Need Ray remind them that they were the ones in trouble here? Well, he was gonna.

"That's it!" He spat before shoving his fist in his pocket to search for his remote. "We're watching the Ken Burns documentary."

"Ugh, do we have to?" (y/n) grumbled, knowing precisely what her doofus was referring to, and it wasn't what Mika was thinking of. "It's so dumb and boring."

"Ken Burns made a documentary about The Thousand Pranks War?" She asked confusedly, wondering why her friend found that so dull. It wasn't like (y/n/n) to shun knowledge, but she'd soon find out.

"That man has made a documentary about everything. This, however, is one of the crappier ones," answered the heroine with a slight eye roll, but she soon perked up when Ray clicked on the video, perched his butt on the edge of the couch arm, and pulled her into his arms. Now, she could feel his hard muscles everywhere.

The documentary started with an oldy-worldy font and a background that looked like tea-stained paper – just to give enough to be watching an idea of how old the war was. A harmonica and banjo played in the background, matching the redneck accent of the bizarre narrator.

"The Thousand Pranks War between Swellview and Rivalton had raged for decades, and soldiers from both sides had left letters to tell the tale..." he said in that southern drawl, and the scene changed to show two men, both standing awkwardly in scruffy, old-west clothing.

"Dearest Martha, I write to you with my underwear stretched way above my head—" No one said it was a serious documentary; that was just how crazy The Thousand Pranks War was. "—A grievous injury I incurred at the Battle of Wedgie Hill."

"This prank war seems to stretch on with no end in sight...much like my tighty-whities," said the simpering narrator, making the kids frown and huff in disbelief. They'd never heard such drivel in all their lives, watching as the clip showed not the actors in various prancing positions but supposed historical pranking, too.

"But my resolve has not wavered. How can two towns end a prank war when no one knows who started it? Or whence it began?" It continued, showing a prehistoric cave drawing of some poor cave-stickman getting hilariously eaten by a bear.

"I do not know if you will even see this letter, for it appears I have unknowingly been writing with disappearing ink. My dearest Marta, please kiss the kids for me and tell Ruffles he is a good boy. XOXO, Unknown Soldier."

The end couldn't come soon enough, with (y/n) swearing her eyes would roll out of her skull when she saw that stupid photo of Elvis and the hand buzzer. Seriously, she wasn't a killjoy, but she found that whole war to be ridiculous – just the sort of thing that thrived in Swellview.

"Thank God, that's over..." said the heroine as her doofus turned off the holographic screen, even if it meant he had no excuse to snuggle her anymore. They should've been more like Bose, who, halfway through the documentary, had clambered onto the couch beside Mika to take a little nap, which sounded heavenly to (y/n) right now.

"It even put Bose to sleep!"

"Huh... What'd I miss?" Muttered the weary boy, who jolted awake with a little snort upon hearing his name.

"What you missed is historical footage of The Thousand Pranks War that's about to get started up all over again!" Ray exclaimed gravely, his glare only deepening when he saw how drowsy the kid was. He should have expected it from him as Bose smiled and yawned, looking as happy and go-lucky as ever after rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Hey, can we watch Jumanji?" He asked cutely with that dimpled grin of his, which only infuriated the doof more.

"No, we can't watch Jumanji!" The hero snapped, not caring for The Rock or Robin Williams – whichever one they wanted to watch. The twins were up for it, too, completely unaware of the chaos they'd caused. "You guys just reignited a war!"

"Really? Before yesterday, there hadn't been any pranking between Swellview and Rivalton for thirty years," said Mika, sounding like a know-it-all like usual. If she remembered what her history books said – and she almost always did – Ray was overreacting – like he always did.

"Maybe yesterday's prank will just blow over."

Those were her famous last words. On cue – as if she'd been listening – Chapa burst through the front door, gasping for breath and looking like she'd walked through hell. Facially, she looked fine – perhaps a little sweaty and windswept, but that wasn't an issue. The problem came with what she was wearing: a cute, bright purple, spangled, bedazzled, glittery, and glitzy cheerleader's costume that Volt would never be seen dead in.

And, on the front, a large, scarlet R was splashed across her chest. (y/n) could only guess, but she had a hunch...

"They pranked me..." Much to her friends' horror, the poor girl whimpered as she staggered through the door.

"Chapa! What happened?" (y/n) exclaimed, and she rushed over to take her wounded baby in her arms.

It wasn't like the girl to be so touchy-feely and needy, but the moment she fell into the woman's embrace, with a blanket curled around her shoulders, it all came pouring out. She really needed that warm, safe hug, snuggling into (y/n/n)'s body as they fell to the floor.

"Looks like they ran the Tallahassee Two-Step," said Mika, knowing the signature prank anywhere, being the prank nerd she was.

"The what?" Bose frowned as they all gathered around.

"It's a simple prank. Someone calls in a fake spit-mergency, second pranked spills grease on a first responder's uniform," explained Mika as she helped to check her friend over, who could only nod weakly, "third grifter offers to clean said uniform at no charge. They take your clothes and tell you to wait in a room. When you get your clothes back—it's the cheerleading costume from your town's hated rival."

"She's absolutely right!" Chapa replied, crying into the heroine's shoulder as she pulled the blanket tighter around herself. Gasps echoed around the room, shocked that she could have been so easily fooled, but that only made the failure hurt more.

"Avenge...me..." she whispered before slumping into (y/n)'s arms, utterly out for the count.

"You still think this is just gonna blow over?" Ray asked Mika thickly, secretly saddened by the sight of his beloved wife rocking the girl in her arms. He would've been jealous any other time, but if anyone deserved one of those warm, snuggly hugs, it was her.

"One, two, three, four..." muttered Miles, hunched over and looking at his sleeping friend with a dark expression.

"I declare a Prank War!" With those five words, the bitter rivalry between Swellview and Rivalton began again, and no one would be spared. All's fair in love and pranking.

It didn't take long for the commencement of the Prank War to reach everyone's ears, and no sooner than the first mischievous joke was played, KLVY News was all over it.

On the next day's broadcast, Ray, (y/n), and Danger Force gathered around the monitor to watch Trent and Mary, looking dashing and ditzy as they stared down the camera. They talked about nothing else, and the kids, who, along with (y/n/n), had nursed Chapa back to her fighting spirit, listened avidly to what they had to say. Ray was also interested...in his wife's butt in those jeans she changed into.

"Breaking news? More like pranking news!"

"That's right, Trent," replied Mary, who had no idea what was going on like usual, but she looked serious. That was all that mattered. "It's war! Again! Between Swellview and Rivalton!"

"Yuck!" The man grimaced, sneering into the camera because he knew where his loyalties lay.

"The latest victim? Danger Force's own Volt, whose superhero costume was stolen, is now on display in Rivalton's Country Music-themed knockoff store—Hee Haw Purée."

They just liked to add salt to Chapa's wounds, and she growled when they reminded her of possibly the worst moment of her life. The humiliation, the pain, the anguish... Now, all those filthy Rivaltons could gloat over her defeat, and somehow, KLVY knew all about it. Worse, they told the world, and all she got in return was vicious comments, cruel laughter, or piteous glances; it made her want to explode in a fit of vengeful fury.

"Volt was later seen walking home in shame, dressed like a Rivalton cheerleader," said Trent as the green screen behind him showed a pap photo of one very embarrassed sidekick; Chapa tried to block the camera's view, but everyone could see. Purple was not her colour. It was Rivalton's.

"Our sources indicate that Volt was shaken, but she is now in stable condition."

"Not for much longer, she's not," (y/n) muttered as she cringed at the photo she saw on the holographic monitor. Standing beside her adorkable doofus, she wondered how the news found out so quickly. Still, her thoughts were quickly interrupted by the screech released by the furious girl, who was, unfortunately, close enough to hurt her eardrums.

"AH, I HATE THAT PICTURE! GET IT OFF THE SCREEN!" Chapa yelled, her glare mainly focused on Ray since he had the remote, but he didn't turn it off. Bose and Miles also winced at her volume as Schwoz stood awkwardly behind his bosses; honestly, he didn't understand this pranking stuff.

"We're having some trouble getting this image off the screen, so we're just gonna have to leave it up for a while." Sparks flew from her fingertips when Trent said exactly what she didn't want to hear.

Miles and Bose could laugh, giggling quietly at her pain, but they wouldn't be if she caught them. Chapa was looking for someone to light up, and she could only zap Ray so many times for patting his wife's butt in public.

"In totally unrelated news, prank supply stores in both cities are selling out as people continue to line up around the block—" The news anchors didn't say another word, or at least Chapa didn't let them.

With a surge of scarlet lightning, she fried the screen until it fizzled out, burning that hideous picture of her from her eyes. The world would still see it, but she could pretend it was gone, gritting her teeth in frustration.

"God, I can't stand Rivalton!" She exclaimed, spitting out the name like it was venom.

"Yeah, the only thing worse than Rivalton is—oh, wait! Nothing!" Schwoz replied jokingly before doing a particularly cringe-worthy dab. He liked to think he was hip and down with the kids. "Get wrecked! Ha!"

"Why does Rivalton even exist? Asked Miles after they all giggled at the handyman's hilarious burn – anything that mocked that scummy, nasty town was worth it to them. And like all Swellviewians, the boy hated every inch of the hole just over the border.

"Rivalton used to be nothing until they struck grease underground and got rich," Ray answered. He didn't really understand the ins and outs of it, and his sweet girl would inevitably explain to him later that it wasn't precisely grease they found, but eh. Close enough. Like Miles, he knew just enough to hate that place.

"Here! There's a Ken Burns documentary about it..."

"No, no! No, thanks, doof. I can take it from here," said (y/n) before the hero could turn the screen on again. Her hands on his chest were enough to distract Ray from the grumbling kids; he'd forget all about the video if it meant he got to see her acting all intelligent and wise.

"They found vast grease deposits underground. Then, they started selling it to every restaurant in the Quint Cities, of which Swellview is, of course, one."

"You're so smart, sweet girl..." the hero muttered, hugging his wife from behind and resting his chin on her head. Still, as enamoured as Ray was, going all droopy and dopey at the slightest glance, they all couldn't help but sing the jingle – the one taught in all Swellview geography classes.

"Rivalton and Bordertown, Adjacent City, Neighbourville, and Swellview! The Quint City Towns! Quints! Quints means five!"

"Exactly! It's just like my incredibly hot wife said!" Ray said as Schwoz dabbed again. That guy had a problem. "And now? You want fried food? You gotta buy Rivalton grease, and you gotta pay Rivalton prices! While the citizens of Rivalton just sit around, getting rich and making Chapa look cheery!"

"Gah! I hate looking cheery!" The girl growled, knowing that tacky, girly cheer dress made her look all sweetand approachable. It made her stomach turn, and her frown deepen.

"Enough talk!" Miles suddenly yelled, slamming his hand on the table before standing up with his fists clenched. "Let's ride on them Rivaltons!"

His shout was like a battle cry, inspiring energy and ferocity in his friends, who agreed. Those grease-loving dirtbags needed to pay, and if it were up to them, they'd just march over the border and go all out. But, as usual, (y/n) was the voice of reason, shushing them and knowing things didn't work like that in Swellview. They didn't have everyday problems like every other place on earth.

"Okay, okay, let's all just calm down!" She shouted at her rowdy friends before they caused a stampede. "We can't just...ride on them, or whatever. If you want to fight with Rivalton, it has to be a prank!"

They couldn't argue with that. Suddenly, no one was feeling quite so pumped, lost in thought, as they scrambled to think of an idea good enough to pull off—one that would show everyone in the Quint Cities who was boss. After a few moments, Ray snapped his fingers, looking adorable with his bright, wide eyes as a stroke of genius hit him.

"Ooh, I got a prank! How about this?" He grinned, and the kids leaned closer to hear his brilliant idea. "We roll up on Rivalton with our lasers and blast every single Rivalton we see—like this!"

"Ayyyyyeeee! Ayyyyyyeeeee! Ayyyyeee!"

"Raymond!" (y/n) cried in outrage as her doofus pulled out his laser remote and blasted poor Schwoz. Thankfully, it was set to stun, but that didn't mean it was painless; the guy crumpled to the ground as the plasma rained down on him, which was hilarious to Chapa and disturbing to everyone else.

"Gimme that!" The heroine snatched the remote from him, giving her husband a glare that had him pouting. "That's not a prank, you big doofus! That's just violence!"

"Yeah, but it's funny violence, darlin'!" Ray replied, trying to use those big, puppy-dog eyes and that naughty grin to win her over. It would've worked...if he didn't do it again. "Watch!"

Another few shots hit Schwoz's ass, sending him to the floor when he'd only just managed to find his strength again. Talk about kicking a man when he was down; all Ray received from his sweet girl was an exasperated head shake, thinking he could look as devastatingly handsome as he wanted to. It would not affect her.

"See? That's hilarious!"

"Oh, doofus..." (y/n) sighed, facepalming as their handyman groaned and moaned on the ground. Her lover looked so happy with himself, practically wagging his imaginary tail like a Labrador as he slid his hand into her jean's back pocket. "Violence won't help here!"

"Okay, how about this?" Said Chapa as she quickly moved on, ignoring where her boss was touching. "We drag me behind the Man Copter, and I shock the entire city!"

"Ayyyyyyyee!"

It really wasn't Schwoz's day. After Ray's assault, he'd managed to get onto his knees, only for Chapa to hit him with a bolt of excruciating lightning. It fried every nerve in his body until he went cross-eyed, so there was no wonder that when he hit the floor this time, he played dead like a possum.

"Seriously? What did I just say?"

"Probably something real smart, sweet girl..." Ray cooed, embracing his beloved wife tightly as she rolled her eyes. He was too intoxicated by her perfume and beauty and soft voice to understand anything – except the hilarity of Schwoz getting hit – and she was helpless to escape the bear hug.

"That's also going to hurt people," said Miles, shaking his head once Chapa relented the vicious zapping. He didn't know what disgusted him more: the relentless violence or how Ray had hands like an octopus.

"It's going to hurt a lot of people!"

"Which is a bad idea!" They could have argued all day, with the young girl frowning grumpily at her friends as they told her to forget her plans to fry a whole city as Ray stood there like a lovesick idiot.

The bickering stopped when a sharp, loud whistle from across the room stole their attention. They looked over to the corner of the room, where the kids' lockers were, and strangely enough, it was Mika, leaning back in a chair with a book open on her lap – How to Do an Australian Accent. Well, that didn't make any sense.

"Two days ago..." She began, her usual shrill, girlish tone replaced by an Aussie one, which explained the book and why she looked so laidback. "I thought of a way to prank that town. You wanna prank Rivalton? You talk to me."

"What'd you have in mind?" Her brother asked, glossing over the Steve Irwin voice since she was their only shot at pulling off the perfect prank.

"Well..."

Mika smirked, snapping the book shut and standing up to explain her highly elaborate, detailed plan to her friends. She waltzed across the floor, leaving them in suspense for a minute as she sat down at the computer with that devious look on her sweet face. She cracked her knuckles and spilt the beans.

"We wait until the middle of the night. Then, Miles teleports us all to Hee Haw Purée."

They could see it now, staring off into space as they pictured themselves appearing in a huddle across the border in the knock-off shop. They'd be in uniform, except Schwoz, but he was so small and nifty that no one would notice him should they be stumbled upon. But Mika had planned against that, and nothing in her plan could go wrong – if everything went smoothly.

"Miles replaces all the regular chairs with prank chairs." Her brother cheered quietly at that, knowing he was great at assembling flatpack furniture – particularly those that fell apart at the slightest pressure.

"Schwoz replaces their water supply with his new concentrated water."

"Isn't that the stuff that has, like, ten times the amount of H-two-O molecules in it compared to regular water?" Asked (y/n), who remembered hearing Schwoz titter and squeal over his new invention after he spent a week in the lab messing around with solutions and test tubes. She didn't really understand why he felt the need to invent, but at least Mika had a purpose for it—a very diabolical purpose.

"Yep. One sip is like a gallon in your guts!"

"You're so bad! I love it!" The genius smirked, fisting, bumping the giggling irl as he imagined himself sneaking and swapping the water kegs in the café.

"Bose? You still know how to build a brick wall?" Mika asked, turning that mischievous grin to the clueless boy, but he had some redeeming features. Namely, he was an expert bricklayer, although no one knew exactly why.

"Sand-lime bricks or fly-ash clay?"

"Sand-lime, of course!" She said it like it was obvious, needing the absolute strength and security of the lime because they were gonna wall off the bathrooms, which, paired with the concentrated water, was a recipe for delicious revenge. Oh yeah, she was that evil.

"Ooh, the lady has expensive tastes!"

"And I fill the whole room with nitroblast boom sticks!" Ray exclaimed, rubbing his hands together and chuckling wheezily like some cartoon dog from the sixties.

"Again, that's just violence, doofus," his precious wife replied, lightly thwacking his arm and making a mental note to confiscate any illicit boom sticks smuggled into Hee Haw Purée. She just knew he'd try it, not realising it would blow them all to smithereens, and when she gave him that stern look, the hero just pouted and whined.

"Awwww, sweet girl..."

"Don't you awwwww, sweet girl me, Raymond."

"Anyway..." Mika interjected, feeling like they were getting slightly off-topic and closer to losing Ray's focus; once he looked into his wife's eyes, that was it. He was gone forever. And he was already pressing apologetic kisses to (y/n)'s forehead, making her giggle when they really should've been listening, the silly lovebirds.

"Chapa and (y/n/n), you install remote locks on all the entrance doors."

"These are all good pranks, but I wish we could see them happen," said Ray, peeling his attention away from his sweet girl for just a second. He was the type of man to enjoy seeing his success, so he frowned at the girl upon realising that all this would happen without them around. Because really...what idiot would go to Rivalton?

"You know that fourth wall of Hee Haw Purée that we never get close to?" Asked Mika, who was always two steps ahead.

"Of course I do. We got one in the Man's Nest right over there," the hero answered, gesturing to the far side of the room, which had nothing particularly interesting about it. Nothing weird. Nothing exciting at all. Why would they want to go near it?

"That's where I installed the hidden cameras."

"Ahh..." Ray nodded thoughtfully before smiling at his wife with a similarly evil smirk, an arm draped across her shoulders.

"Okay, so then what?"

"Then, we pop some popcorn, open some brightly coloured sodas, ask (y/n/n) to bake some of her amazingoatmeal-raisin cookies, and enjoy the swell view of Rivaltons getting pranked." She finished her speech with a victorious smile and crossed arms, nodding at her pleased friends.

They could get behind that. Anything to see Rivaltons getting pranked like they'd done to Volt. (y/n) was bemused to learn that she had to slave away over a hot stove for the plan, but for her babies, she did not mind. Her cookies were like an addiction to them, and it kept Ray entertained for a while since he liked to lick the spoon. Amongst other things.

So, ten hours later, they did as Mika said and slipped away to Hee Haw Purée at midnight. The traps were bated, the water was switched, and the doors were locked. Then, they slipped away like they were never there, leaving the cameras running for Schwoz to access in The Nest, meaning the next day at just past lunchtime, the fated hour had come.

Ray, (y/n), Schwoz, and Danger Force gathered on the couch, hip-to-hip and shoulder-to-shoulder because of the tight squeeze as they waited with bated breath for the first of their victims. The café was packed, and almost uncannily, the Archduke himself was frequenting that day.

"Okay, who wants cookies?" The heroine asked as she hurried into the main room, holding a steaming plate of baked goods. She was met with cheers from her husband and friends, who made grabby hands towards her like they were starving – unlikely given that they'd microwaved about an acre's worth of corn.

"Sweet cheese, have you guys got enough popcorn there?"

"We may have made too much..." Bose admitted sheepishly, eyeing the literal mountain of delicious, buttery goodness in front of him, not to mention the giant buckets in Chapa and Miles' arms. The woman couldn't even put the plate down, opting to offer her cookies to whoever wanted one – and that was everyone.

"Shhhhh! The show is starting!" Ray hissed, and he hooked a beefy arm around his wife's waist, tugging her into his lap. Despite the slight tumble, (y/n) quickly settled against him, taking a soda from Mika as she balanced it and the plate on her knee, also contending with Ray's wandering free hand.

"Is it, though, doofus?" The heroine asked as she looked at the screen, which showed the various live feeds of Hee Haw Purée. Nothing was happening, given that all the customers were still ordering at the counter, far away from the clandestine pranks. "They kinda look like they're just standing around to me."

"Trust me, sweetheart. Any minute now, they'll be wishing they never pranked us in the first place," Ray reassured her, taking a swig from his bottle as he patted her knee. His bright smile was satisfactory enough for (y/n), who returned the affectionate look and fed him some popcorn, giggling when his lips chased her fingertips.

"Technically, we started it—" Schwoz argued with a slight shrug, not realising he was interrupting the sweet moment between the couple just to be pedantic.

"Oh, my god, Schwoz! Shut up!" His boss sneered, taking a handful of popcorn and chucking it in his stupid face.

The genius shut his mouth but rolled his eyes, reaching for another sweet treat when (y/n) sorrowfully offered him the plate – a peace offering for her doofus' temper. Not that it helped. "And stop eating my wife's cookies!"

"I made them for everyone, Raymond," (y/n) scolded him, slapping his ridiculously chiselled pec as he huffed, swiping another cookie for himself before Schwoz could eat them all. How many had he had? Like, two?

"Yeah, but you mostly made them for me, right?" He asked innocently, looking almost confused with the crease between his brows because he deserved them the most. Right?

"Out of every man in the world, this is the one you chose to marry?" Chapa retorted cynically, glancing at the woman with her usual stink eye, but she just giggled. Whilst he looked grumpy at the offensive question, (y/n/n) just sighed dreamily, stroking his slightly stubbly cheek with the back of her hand.

"Yes." Her reply came instantly, staring at the handsome idiot and all his faults like he hung the stars in the sky. "He's adorable!"

"She's as crazy as he is," Miles said flatly, watching with a bit of repulsion as his teachers grinned at each other, leaning in and kissing like no one else was with them.

He was all for love and peace and all that hippie stuff, but seriously, seeing Captain Man acting so gooey never got any easier. Turning his attention back to the monitor, the boy sighed as he watched the customers wander back and forth, sipping smoothies and chatting, but not once did they venture near the pranks. It was infuriating.

"But (y/n/n) is right. They're not doing anything."

"Hang on... 'Scuse me, sweet girl... " muttered Ray, using his only good manners to carefully scooch out from underneath his beloved wife and get a better look at the camera feeds. Leaving her to sip his soda – because hers wasn't nearly as tasty or refreshing – he squinted at the screen, noting that despite Mika's promises, Hee Haw Purée wasn't delivering.

"Oh, come on! We've been watching this stuff for five whole minutes! When's the pranking gonna start?!"

"Yeah, they've been drinking Schwoz's heavy water in their purée, so why aren't they being, y'know...prankified?" Miles asked, looking at his sister for answers.

"The pranks should start right..." Mika replied calmly, never glancing up from her new book – Fifty Ways To Say I Told You So - as she sassily flicked to the next page, "about...now."

Ray couldn't plonk his butt back on the sofa quick enough, pulling a quiet, frustrated whine from (y/n) when she had to move out of the way so he could squeeze back in. She swiftly settled in his lap again, munching on half a cookie as everyone leaned in, stuffing their faces and eagerly awaiting the fireworks.

"To Gideon! My Little Pony!" Archduke Fernando whimpered as he and his fellow Rivaltons raised their purée jars in honour of his sliced hair.

They chinked their glasses together and took a nice, long sip; almost immediately, their bladders felt heavier, becoming full even with that tiny mouthful, but it wasn't an urgent need...yet.

"I could use a good sit 'cause my buns are barkin'—" said one guy as he yawned, pulling out a chair at one of the tables near the counter.

He plonked as anyone would, but the moment his butt hit the seat, the legs gave out under him, sending him crashing to the floor in a pile of matchsticks. In the Man's Nest, laughter filled the room as the group cackled and pointed at the screen, loving how the guy now looked like an idiot, and even those in Rivalton found it funny.

"You tried to sit, but you fell!" Said Fernando, playfully mocking his fallen friend as he lay there, rubbing his butt. "Let me show you how proper sitting is done, Clarence!"

"Oh, this is going to be good..." (y/n) rubbed her hands together, squirming in her doofus' lap as she anticipated the Archduke falling on his ass. It was only when Ray's large hand gripped her hip and squeezed that she had to control her excitement, feeling how his body tensed underneath her at her ministrations.

"The key is to bend at the knee while maintaining eye—"

Like Clarence, Fernando didn't stand a chance against Miles' fake chairs, which collapsed under his weight when he leaned against them. He, too, ended up on the floor, dusty and covered in pumpkin purée since he wasn't bright enough to put his drink down before sitting. The only ones laughing now were Captain Man, Miss Danger, Schwoz, and Co.

"Look at his stupid face!" Ray screeched, pointing at the screen as his wife took away his soda, concerned that he would spill it. Of course, she stole a sip of it first. "Look how stupid he looks—sweet girl, you have your own soda!"

"Yours tastes better, doof..." (y/n) answered innocently, tapping his nails against the bottle. When she fluttered her eyelashes and pecked his cheek, it was too easy to distract the hero from the theft. "Anyway, let's watch His Dukiness..."

"We've been pranked!" Fernando yelled as he scrambled to his feet, looking disgusting with the orange goop dripping down his chest. "Everyone, check your chairs!"

"You heard the man!" Clarence said as he sharply clapped his hands to make his friends jump to it. Rivaltons aren't known for their outstanding intelligence, and those in Hee Haw Purée certainly weren't clever by any means as they ran to all the other chairs in the room.

"Okay. Bend at the knee..." Those in The Nest couldn't believe it, chuckling from behind their palms as the customers sat on the chairs without thinking—before their Archduke could argue against it.

"Don't check them by sitting on them!"

The warning came too late, and it was like a beautiful symphony of crashes and thumps as half a dozen idiots fell on the floor, leaving the café in shambles. At least it was funny for the heroes, who giggled and threw fistfuls of popcorn at each other. Meanwhile, in Rivalton, they went from one disaster to the next as one girl in an exceptionally fetching, stripy shirt and denim skirt felt a sudden urge.

"I only took a tiny sip, but...I gotta go bad!"

"Yes, that's why we all call you Small Bladdie Maddie, and—oh!" The Archduke replied, rolling his eyes before the same sharp pain stabbed through his kidneys, feeling like he'd drank fifty smoothies instead of one mouthful.

"Oh, goodness, to grease! I've got to go, too! Out of my way!"

Cheers filled The Man's Nest as they ran to the bathrooms. The kids clinked their soda bottles as Ray happily pressed a short but sweet kiss to his wife's lips, sharing the victory with her, which only became more delicious when Fernando opened the bathroom door to see a solid brick wall.

"That's sand-lime brick!" Clarence exclaimed after hearing the man's high-pitched, girly scream, and then, they all screamed, knowing there was no way they'd break through before peeing their pants. Or skirt, in Maddie's case.

"Come on! We can all go outside and pee!" The girl said urgently, thinking it was gross and unladylike to squat in bushes, but desperation blinded her sense of shame, and they ran for the door.

"Yeah, but you can't, though!" Mika smirked and pressed a button on her remote control, activating the locks installed by Chapa with (y/n/n)'s guidance. No matter how hard they jiggled the doorknob, it wouldn't budge, creating a pileup of pee-filled Rivaltons clawing to get out.

"Open the door, you fool!" The Archduke cried, doing a childish dance like it would control his bladder.

"I can't! It's locked!"

"Ohhhhhh! My bladdie!" Maddie whined as she hunched over and crossed her legs, and her whimpering made Miles and Chapa laugh harder until their cheeks hurt and their faces warmed.

"Is there a urologist in the house?" Ray joked as (y/n) doubled over, fanning her flaming cheeks and trying to catch her breath as the laughter didn't stop.

"Oh, doofus—I can't breathe!" She wheezed, a few tears trailing down her pretty face as she leaned back against her husband. He was happy to brush the tears away with his thumbs, smooching her warm skin as his chest rumbled, steadily rising and falling.

"We're being pranked—with a capital P!"

"Oh, it's happening..." Clarence whimpered as his bladder opened like the heavens, resulting in the ultimate public humiliation as his friends tried to be stronger...and failed.

"Me too!" Slowly, standing in a line, the Rivaltons felt the first trickles run down their legs, wailing as they peed their pants, first, one by one, then all together.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Said Mika, shushing her friends' cheers as she quelled her own giggles. "I call that one...Ur-in-trouble!"

"I never thought I'd say this, but I'm afraid of you!" Chapa replied, giving the girl a proud look after finally seeing the darkness within her.

She wasn't just a goody-two-shoes nerd, but she was actually terrifyingly wicked when it came to pranking, and the others couldn't help but agree as they threw their heads back and howled.

Popcorn flew across the table as the children started a mini food fight, and for once, (y/n) didn't care about her pristine floors or the fact that she'd be finding pieces of it for the next six months. She allowed them to have fun, joining her doofus and Schwoz as they tipped out the buckets and threw that, too.

Of course, she still made them help her clean it up, but they could now enjoy themselves. Mika had earned it, but if only she knew what she'd begun...

~The next day~

Standing in the laundry room on the lower levels of the Man's Nest, (y/n) hummed to herself as she steamed and folded her husband's shirts.

There was something domestic about it that she liked, running the nozzle over the absurdly bright fabric to get out the worst creases before she returned them to their bedroom down the hallway. Her doofus seemed to cycle through shirts like it was going out of fashion, sometimes changing into a new one just for the afternoon, and the woman didn't really know why.

Ray would never tell her that he loved how her eyes lit up a little differently at each new outfit because each loud shirt had a different feeling, memory, or experience attached to it. Mostly, she just loved how hot he looked in all of them, picturing how his bulky upper body filled out the garments as she slipped them onto hangers before hooking them on a rail. Changing two or three times a day was worth it to feel her hands wander the patterns; the only cost was their excruciatingly high rates bill.

Still, if (y/n) had to pick a favourite, it was the shirt in her hands now, smiling softly at it as her gaze drank in the bold, Japanese print against fire-truck red. It was old now – he'd had it since before they started dating, and it had faded after one too many times in the washing machine, but she loved it.

She loved the scent of the fabric softener mixed with his cologne because, of course, Captain Man wore the strong stuff – it just didn't wash out. But she loved him in it the most, steaming the collar with the utmost care and attention since she was the one who'd get to drink him in like a fine wine. It would inevitably end up back on their bedroom floor at the end of the day after he unknowingly seduced her in it, but she kept going, smoothing everything out until it looked perfect.

Just like how he would look perfect in it.

'God, I'm sad...' she thought with an inner giggle, wondering when she fell so hard that shirts began to do stuff to her.

Hanging her favourite to air out, she reached for the next one – a dark, navy number that always struggled to squeeze in Ray's biceps. More thoughts conjured in her mind, remembering how he had worn it only a few days prior and stood in their long mirror as he buttoned it up. Honestly, it was a travesty to hide those abs, and—-

"Herghhhhhhhh!"

"What in God's name—?" Her whole body jumped as the serenity of her midmorning chores was shattered by an unholy scream.

Luckily, the steamer was off, preventing any unnecessary need for her super-regeneration, but she frowned at the doorway, wondering if Schwoz was torturing—experimenting—on cats again. The screams kept coming, sounding hoarse and panicked as she rushed out of the room, running toward wherever the shriek came from.

"Arrrrrregh!"

Following the horrific echoes, (y/n) sprinted to The Nest, running under the metal door just as Danger Force burst through the front one. What they saw as they met in the middle was unsettling.

"Eerrrrr! Ya-ahh! Come on!" Their equally disturbed expressions clashed as their eyes settled on Ray, who had been told to keep himself occupied whilst his sweet girl did all the boring stuff that he thought magical pixies sorted in the middle of the night.

Yet, when (y/n) told him to run along and play, she didn't mean this. Her mouth dropped open as she watched him yell and whine, hands clutching his head as he writhed near and on the couch like a worm in bleach.

"Ray?" Chapa asked tentatively, not wanting to know what was going on as he twisted his fingers in his hair, yanking it so hard that his cheeks and temples turned red. He didn't even look up at her, panting hard as hyperventilation began to set in, sending the usually composed hero into a meltdown.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, doofus..." (y/n) said calmly as she dashed to his side, using her most soothing tone as if she were trying to corral a spooked animal.

Hearing her voice was enough to break through whatever panic had gripped her doofus, and he glanced up at her with petrified, red-rimmed eyes. Slowly, she held her hands out, not even questioning why his hands stayed on his head, as she gently touched his chest and smiled.

"It's okay, doofus—just breathe 'cause you're with me, and it's all gonna be okay..." she whispered, cupping his cheek. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, sweet girl..." Ray said through a whimper, his bottom lip wobbling as she soothed him. The cool metal of her wedding rings on his face was enough to ground him again, and he longed to return the loving touch, but he couldn't—he might never again. And that just made him want to wail harder.

"Y-you said you were going to be busy for a while, so I was doing my normal hair care routine, right?" She nodded, glad that she missed that for one day because there was washing hair and then there was Ray washing hair. It was like a military routine.

"Pre-soak, soak, free-trade, organic, low-carb shampoo, pre-rinse, rinse, conditioner, argon oil, mountain water, rinse, air dry, towel dry, mountain air dry—"

"Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it!" Mika interjected, having stopped listening when he got to the third step. Three steps too many.

"And, then—and then, I went to apply a teaspoon of activated cashew butter to my scalp when I realised that someone had replaced it with fast-locking epoxy glue!" He whined, tugging on his hair again, but like with the last million times he'd tried it, there was no removing his hands.

"So, you can't get your hands out?" Bose asked in a rare moment of insight. Although he didn't need to be a genius to know that glue and hair didn't mix, neither did the rest of Danger Force need (y/n) to tell them that his hair was Ray's fourth favourite part of himself.

"No!" Ray sneered, glaring at the boy for asking the dumb question. Would he sit there looking like a Village People reject if he could lower his arms?

"Okay, hold still! Hold still!" Mika said as she circled her teacher and grabbed his arm, with Chapa stomping over the couch to get the other. (y/n) felt apprehensive, wincing when they held his wrists, ready to yank as hard as they could—even if it meant taking clumps of his beautiful floof with them.

"Not like this! Not like this!"

"Guys, I don't think that's going to work..." she told the girls carefully, cringing as her beloved idiot screeched in pain. They pulled and pulled, all their weight to try and prise his fingers from his scalp, but whoever replaced the butter knew what they were doing.

"Mika! Chapa! Stop, you're hurting him!" Waving her hands, she forced them to scatter, not liking all the shouting, how her doofus was near to tears, or how they hadn't loosened the glue. "Epoxy is stronger than normal glue—and permanent! Without a solvent, we'll never get his hands out!"

"I guess you're gonna have to shave your head, then," said Miles as he sipped on a soda, nonchalant even when his mentor looked up with a stern glare for suggesting the unthinkable.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that," he replied darkly, pointing his foot at him as the girls let go.

He couldn't bear to lose his hair, knowing it made up for twenty per cent of his handsomeness, and it was one of his wife's favourite things about him. He liked it because she liked it, so he tried to pull his hands free again, also in vain.

"Doofus, it's not going to work..." (y/n) told him gently, rubbing his shoulders as she ignored his squeals of gibberish. Even if she found a chemical to dissolve the epoxy, she doubted his hair would be as luscious and floofy as before. She hated to think it, too, but, ultimately, there was only one thing for it.

"It has to, sweet girl! It has to! I'm not going bald!"

"Well..." She said slowly, gulping at the idea in her head. "There's only one other thing you can do."

"What's that?" He asked, blinking at her wide-eyed, hoping and praying she'd say something that meant he could keep his beautiful locks. Judging by her wobbly smile, that was wishful thinking, and he felt his stomach swoop low as she nervously played with her fingers.

"A wig?"

"I am not happy about this."

Ray glared at the children, deeming them the ringleaders for the monstrosity that now resided on his head. In fairness, the offending article effectively hid his now patchy quiff – an unfortunate result after his wife inspected his hair, finding the glue would never come out.

Looking at him, you wouldn't think anything was wrong, given that the wig they'd found was one of those super realistic, professional types that they wore on movie sets and stuff. (y/n), to her credit, applied it perfectly, offering him a mirror and a watery smile once it was in place, and she assured him that it wasn't half bad. Oh, how Ray begged to differ.

Schwoz and Danger Force found it hilarious, but it was no laughing matter in his eyes – more like an itchy, ill-fitting eyesore that did not compliment his skin tone. Mika said it was the best of a bad bunch – some leftovers she found in a jumble box in a dusty, old room. Yet, when he saw his reflection, the hero considered rocking his ruined haircut, even with all the missing clumps.

He loved his brown, floofy locks; it was why he was so meticulous in their upkeep. Maybe things would've been different in another life, but right then, in the Man's Nest, he knew he looked ridiculous. He knew choosing a Kid Danger-esque blond wig was a mistake.

"It's not that bad." Schwoz smiled kindly, trying to make a dire situation bearable, but Ray knew it was a lie. He could see how he smothered his laughter.

"Yes. Yes, it is," he replied with gritted teeth as he stood before his friends in the main room, feeling self-conscious. It was a miracle he wanted to be in daylight, thinking the damn thing looked worse when the sun hit it, no matter what they said.

"It's really not..." Mika said tentatively, twiddling her thumbs as she glanced at the only person whose opinion actually mattered. "Right, (y/n/n)?"

Ray listened to no one; he only cared about what his beloved wife had to say, and to the abject horror that settled in his stomach, she could barely look at him without grimacing.

"Eh..." She shrugged, raising her lips in a wobbly smile as her eyes roamed his body from toe to eye.

She loved everything she saw, sighing appreciatively at how his tracksuit top clung to his muscles, sculpting them perfectly. His face was still handsome and kissable, but her nose wrinkled when she saw the wig.

"See?!" The hero spluttered, sniffling a little at the rejection, and his eyes grew misty. "...My wife doesn't love me anymore!"

"I never said that!" (y/n) argued, clasping a hand over her clavicle at such a suggestion. Sure, she regretted agreeing to fix the wig in place, but it wasn't that bad.

"But you looked it, sweet girl!" He replied, whimpering and scrubbing the heel of his hairy palm into his eye to stem any tears. If he was going to cry – and if she really found him that hideous, he would – he'd do it alone, wherever the kids couldn't mock him. "Now, every time you look at me, you look like you're gonna hurl!"

"Well..." His sweet girl said, picking her words carefully as she rose from the couch. "I've said it before, and I'll say it again, you do not suit being blond."

"I think I just heard my heart break..." Ray clutched at his T-shirt as pain bloomed through his chest – just at the mere thought of his soulmate finding him...ugly.

But (y/n) quickly comforted him, flashing a warm smile as she curled her arms around his neck, her nails playing with the wig's edge on his nape. Instantly, his hands found her waist, still sniffing and pouting, but the man practically purred under her touch, more so when she stood on her tippiest toes and kissed his cheek.

"But don't be a doofus all your life, Raymond. I still love you!"

"You promise?" He muttered, blinking those big, round eyes as she giggled.

"Of course, my adorable idiot. I might even get used to it, eventually..." (y/n) grinned, silently thinking she'd need a few millennia to accept her husband as blond. She much preferred his usual chocolate floof, but she couldn't stand seeing him so sad, nor was she so shallow.

"Well, in that case, I still love you, too..." Ray grinned, slumping in her embrace as he leaned down and kissed her honeyed lips. He badly needed her sweetness, still unhappy with the temporary solution while his hair grew.

"Hey..." Bose's innocent voice sounded, flooding the hero's body with tension again when he realised theywere still all sitting there—the miscreants.

Without going for nearly as long as he wanted to, he pulled away from the kiss and frowned at the boy, lamenting how his pretty girl whined and pouted.

"Why do you have a Kid Danger wig?"

"Remember that time Captain Man, Miss Danger, and Kid Danger fought The Barber, and Henry lost all of his hair?" Schwoz asked, ignoring the smoochy-smoochy happening beside him when (y/n) chased her doofus' lips again.

"Um, no..." answered Mika awkwardly, and she was the nerd who studied all of the heroes' previous fights. She thought it would make her a better fighter, and, having memorised them all, she couldn't remember a single instance where the kid went bald.

"Exactly! Because I made this wig!" The genius grinned, gesturing to his handiwork as Ray pecked his wife's lips a final time before pulling away.

"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha—we fooled the whole town! Moving on..." he said flatly, rolling his eyes and squeezing his sweet girl's hip for dear life. "Bet you're all wondering why Schwoz, my incredibly hot wife, and I called you all here today."

"It's a school day."

"And we were already here," Miles and Chapa answered dryly since they'd not moved after the lady whisked her doofus away to sort out his sticky problem. But the last thing Ray wanted to hear was sass, standing straighter as his sweet girl leaned closer into his space.

"We called you here because we realised two things," (y/n) said, having discussed the whole thing with him and Schwoz whilst fitting the dumb wig, and it was safe to say that her husband wanted answers.

"One! This hair prank is clearly the work of Rivalton."

"Well, yeah, obviously!"

"Duh!" The kids agreed, knowing those idiots were out for metaphorical blood after the farce in Hee Haw Purée, with Archduke Fernando declaring war on Swellview much like they did with his stink town.

"But we also believe that since the only people who access to my hair products are here in this room..." Ray continued, pacing back and forth as his students frowned, wondering why he sounded like that... "That means that one of you is pranking to Rivalton."

Bose gasped loudly as the rest of Danger Force looked at each other and their boss in horror. They jumped apart, suddenly not knowing who to trust, but it was also hurtful, knowing Ray didn't trust them, either.

"For the record, I think this is dumb," (y/n) added, and she ignored her doofus' whine as she smiled at the kids. She never doubted any of them – maybe that was blindingly naïve – but it was dumb to attack your own team, and none of them, not even Chapa, would wound Ray so grievously.

"Doesn't matter, sweet girl. I know exactly who it is! Schwoz?" He never broke eye contact with the children, who sat on the edge of the couch in suspense as he reached for a file being held by Schwoz.

(y/n) cringed when she saw his outstretched hand, not needing a reminder that she still needed to find that solvent. Whilst most of his hair survived under the wig, the areas where his fingers bonded to his hair were unsalvageable, meaning the woman had no choice but to cut it away at the root. It left his hands hideously hairy, which was fine...as long as he didn't touch her bare skin or let her see it.

"Why would one of us be pranking for Rivalton?" Asked Chapa as her teacher took the file.

"Because..." Ray replied gravely, pointing an accusatory finger, "One of you was born there!"

"In Rivalton?" Bose spat, not for sure that it wasn't him. Or at least he didn't think it was, looking warily at his friends on either side of him.

"The same!"

"No way!" Said Chapa with a slight scoff, thinking she'd be able to tell if there was a traitor amongst them.

"I got the proof right here!" But Ray just flashed her the case file in all its yellowish glory. It had confidentialsplashed across the front in bold, black lettering, practically begging to spill its secrets as the hero waved it around.

"I know who the dirty Rivalton is, but I will give them a chance to come clean. And, if they don't...you're all fired!"

"Doofus!" (y/n) gasped – that was not what they'd discussed. She knew he was playing the bad right now, but just seeing her babies squirm was enough to make her nervous, and she didn't like pointing the finger, either.

Her wide-eyed gaze didn't deter him, but just when she was about to follow it up with a stern word, Miles butted in, forsaking all chivalry and camaraderie without missing a beat.

"Mika was born in Rivalton!"

"Miles!" The girl squealed, snapping to look at her brother after he ratted her out like that. She snarled at him, not that he cared, whilst the others stared at her in shock and disgust like they'd found a snake in the grass. And they had.

"Wow, Miles. I think we all just lost a little bit of respect for you there," said (y/n), who felt like she had whiplash from how brazenly he'd revealed the secret – about his own sister, no less.

"I'm sorry, but he said he was gonna fire everyone, and Bose really needs the health insurance for his foot thing!"

"Miles! Stop revealing people's secrets!" The boy shouted, suddenly feeling just as self-conscious when everyone glanced at his foot.

They didn't know precisely what he had going on down there, but the fact they knew was bad enough—nearly as bad as one of their own being from filthy Rivalton. There was no escaping that for Mika as all attention turned back to her.

"Wait a minute. I thought you two were twins..." said Schwoz, pointing at the siblings, who just glared at each other now.

"We are." Mika nodded sourly, although she severely wished otherwise.

"So, Miles was born in Rivalton, too?!"

"No, I was not!" The boy replied indignantly, giving Chapa a stern glare for even suggesting such a heinous thing.

"Okay!" Mika interrupted them, not liking how everyone was at each others' throats. It wasn't that big of a deal – a very simple story – and nowhere near as horrific as they thought it to be. "I'll tell you what happened—"

"Our mom was verrrrry pregnant!"

"Okay, you tell them what happened." She rolled her eyes as her brother began the tale, stealing her thunder. She sat there glumly as Miles smirked, confident that he wasn't the one in the wrong.

"And our dad was verrrrrrrry hungry!" He told them, and they had to imagine most of the details. It was the early two-thousands, back when fashion was terrible, but life was good, and Mrs Macklin was ready to pop. Seriously, carrying twins was no joke.

"Our mom was pregnant and sick of it."

"But why were they in Rivalton?" Asked (y/n), frowning at the thought of such a heavily pregnant woman wanting to travel so far, particularly there. God knows what diseases they had across the border.

"Well, Hee Haw Purée had this special smoothie that was supposed to make women go into labour," Miles replied, which didn't sound weird at all. The heroine shared a puzzled look with her doofus, internally cringing when she saw the wig again, but Ray was deep in thought, wondering when the story would get interesting.

"Did it work?" Bose asked, leaning closer to his friend beside him.

"Oh, yeah! She drank the smoothie, and then, the babies were coming!"

"Sweet cheese, what did they put in it?" (y/n) grimaced, wrinkling her nose at the thought, and she snuggled closer to her doofus. She only hoped she never had twins, particularly if she had to drink something from Rivalton.

"Anyway, my mom told our dad that they had to go, but he had to finish his Belly Buster smoothie first," Miles continued, still remembering the look of pride on his dad's face when he retold the story every so often. His mom didn't share the sentiment, recalling it with a frown that suggested they were lucky to be still married.

"See, if he finished the whole thing, they could eat for free."

"His wife was in labour, and he was worried about a free smoothie?" The heroine frowned, sharing a confused look with Chapa since she couldn't comprehend it, either. "Why didn't he just pay for it?"

"He left his wallet at home."

"What an idiot! Why not?" The girl laughed, suddenly understanding the moronic enigma that was Herman Macklin, but all the twins did was shrug. It was their dad to a tee; if anyone could finish a giant tank of purée, it was him.

"Confidence!" Miles grinned despite Chapa's signature scowl. "Anyway, my mom told him to drink as fast as he could 'cause she didn't want her babies to be born in a disgusting town like Rivalton."

"God, I love your mom!" Ray exclaimed, clapping his hands at the mutual hatred between him and the woman, only to earn a few disturbed glances from around the room.

The strongest came from his wife, whose glare pierced him as she harshly nudged his elbows. He smiled at her sheepishly, happiness turning awkward when his sweet girl pouted, and the hero rushed to smooth it over as he pulled her closer by the waist.

"Respectfully."

"So..." said Chapa, ignoring Ray's PDA as he kissed his beloved wife's temple."Did your dad finish the purée?"

"An hour later." The boy nodded, describing how his dad struggled to drink that much blended fruit and vegetables, forcing it down gulp by gulp as his mom waited in the corner.

As all the women rallied around her, the men in the café supported his dad, cheering him on until he tipped the last of that deep, purple juice down his throat. If they went to Hee Haw Purée again and looked around – not that any sane person wanted to – they'd find the Belly Buster Hall of Fame, and Herman's picture was still there. But at what cost?

"By the time they actually left, it was too late. My mom drove as fast as she could, but Mika was born in the car on the Rivalton side of the Jandy River."

"Where was your dad?" Schwoz asked with a frown, noting that usually, a good husband helps his wife when she's at her most vulnerable. Driving to the hospital was the easiest part, yet he wasn't there.

"He was in the back seat with a stomachache," said Mika dryly, still unimpressed twelve years later that her father's gluttony made her a social pariah.

"So, where were you born?" Bose asked Miles, who looked remarkably less tense than his sister.

"Also in the car—on the Swellview side of the Jandy River," he replied, making his friends sigh in relief because it all made sense now. Mostly. How their mom managed to drive while giving birth was still a mystery. "I'm a proud son of Swellview!"

"Yeah, unlike your sister," Ray sneered, air-quoting as he glared at Mika, who just rolled her eyes at his hostility.

"I'm still his sister!"

"Yeah, who was born in Rivalton!" The hero argued, spitting the word out as she stood up, leaving only (y/n) in the middle to act as a referee between them.

"Look, I didn't prank your stupid haircare products!" Mika said coldly, and Ray gasped, clasping his hand over his heart at the insult.

"What did you just call them?"

"If anything, I would've gone for your anti-ageing cream." She smirked at him as her friends gasped, chuckling at the sick burn and how it made the hero's ears turn red, particularly since he didn't want everyone to know how he fought for his youth. His face hardened, trying to side-step his sweet girl as she spread her arms to stop them from fighting.

"Okay, how about we all calm—"

"I cast thee out!"

"Down." (y/n) gulped when Ray pointed a stern finger over her head, suddenly becoming a Middle Ages peasant with his speech. She didn't believe he would do that, feeling her heart hurt when the girl's face fell a little, thinking they were just bantering and arguing; she didn't actually mean any harm.

"Come on, Ray..." She said softly and seriously, glancing at the woman for help, but she could barely get a word in before her husband ran toward the door.

"I—CAST—THEE—OUT!" He declared, pointing at the path down the mountain as Mika tried not to let everyone see how the tears sprang in her eyes.

She'd hit a nerve, clearly; it was one thing to openly mock the man in front of those he called his family, especially when she revealed to his wife that he may have invested in a night cream. Yet, he couldn't trust a traitor – he'd been there and done that, and it just ended with others getting hurt.

"Are you serious?" Mika asked, her body frozen yet trembling as the others stood open-mouthed and wide-eyed beside the couch.

"You are out of Danger Force!" Ray yelled, not wanting to hear another word or excuse from her lying mouth. "Until this prank war is over, you shall not step foot in the Man's Nest!"

"Doofus, let's talk about this before we do anything stupid!" (y/n) hissed, placing a hand on the girl's shoulder as she tried to make the hero see a little reason despite his fury. "You can't help where you're born!"

"You know what, (y/n/n)? It's fine," replied Mika, shaking the gentle touch from her shoulder before its tenderness made her cry. It wasn't fine, stomping over to the tube and ignoring the sting of his suspicions; they weren't even true.

"Ray, are you seriously kicking her out of Danger Force?" Bose asked tentatively, eyeing (y/n) too as she shook her head, reaching and wishing for Mika to come back.

"Yes," Ray answered firmly. He couldn't look anyone in the eye, preferring to glare at the ground like it had done something wrong, and it was only when the traitor called to him that he looked up, as menacing as ever.

"Hey! What's in the envelope? How did you know I was born in Rivalton?" Mika asked suspiciously, but Ray just shrugged.

"I didn't know..." he said quietly, peeling the envelope open as he plucked the document from inside, revealing a simple piece of paper with a large font, saying precisely the words he spoke. "You just told me."

All the girl could do was scoff and shake her head as he childishly dabbed, pleased with himself at the little trick. She should've taken Chapa's old advice: never admit to anything because she was innocent until they said otherwise. The tube fell around her, and she didn't hang around, not even saying goodbye to her friends or brother before she left. Forever, it seemed.

Silence hung in the air as no one knew what to say. Ray had his hands on his hips, swallowing thickly and licking his dry lips as the argument left him reeling, reminding him of another instance when his sidekick left. This didn't break his heart in the same way, but it still stung, particularly when he glanced to his right and saw the sharp gaze of his aghast wife.

"What?" He asked quietly, and (y/n) could only breathe out a quick, humourless laugh.

"What do you mean, what?" She asked, shaking her head because - not for the first time, but certainly, for the first time in a while – she couldn't work out what he was thinking. "What the hell was all that about?"

"You were there. You watched it." Ray shrugged, feeling like a million eyes were on him, but only hers mattered. He didn't need to look at her to know she was mad, or worse, disappointed, but he wasn't one to return on his word. He was too proud for that.

"I watched an utter shit-show," (y/n) replied harshly, sensing how Bose flinched behind her when she raised her voice, and she knew she'd apologise later. But right now, she was angry, wishing she could run after Mika and tell her it was all right, but it wasn't.

"We're a team, Ray. We stick together."

"Mika betrayed us. She's from Rivalton—it's obvious she pranked for them!" He said, gesturing to nothing as he repeated the mantra in his head. It was the only thing that made sense; she was their enemy in this war, and he sent her away. If anything, he'd done everyone a favour, or so he kept telling himself.

"I'm not talking about her," (y/n) said coldly, her face set in stone, but her body trembled, feeling the adrenaline and panic as she glared at him, and he glared at her – all the warmth and joy from earlier dying away. "You said you were gonna talk to the kids, not fire one of them!"

"Yeah, well, maybe I changed my mind!" He yelled back, squeezing his fists and digging his nails into his palms to try and control his temper. He hated how red her eyes looked, how she looked distraught, and it was all aimed at him. But he was right, brimming with frustration that no one else seemed to understand.

"You can't make that decision without talking about it with me first!"

"You always tell me no!" He snapped, realising he'd taken a step closer to her and she'd done the same.

They were nearly toe-to-toe, with the kids and Schwoz standing nervously in the background, wanting to run away, but they couldn't. It was like watching something unnatural, having never seen an argument between them, but Henry said they were explosive, like pouring gasoline on a fire. And no one could stop them but themselves.

"For good reason!" (y/n) shouted, hugging her body as she fought the urge to pound his stupid, muscly body – as if knocking some reason into him would work. "To stop you from making poor choices like this!"

"I'm in charge here, sweetheart." His voice dipped lower, and suddenly, she was very aware of who towered over her. Captain Man's hard, steely gaze could petrify anyone, but it just made her want to yell more, shaking her head in disbelief when large, warm hands settled on her shoulders. Only, the familiar touch didn't soothe her like it usually did.

"Stop treating me like an idiot 'cause I know what's best for all of us. Despite what you think, I have some sense."

"It's better to be without sense than misplace it the way you do," the heroine said quietly, roughly jerking her body away from his. She closed her eyes and released a shuddered breath, fighting back tears of sadness, frustration and anger as the room fell silent once more.

The tension was palpable, with all eyes on her as she gave him a final, bitter glance before turning away, breathing a defeated sigh. Perhaps it was her heart or his that she heard crack – maybe both – as her footsteps echoed on the tiles, walking away from her husband with cruel, venomous words sitting on the tip of her tongue. At least her sense was knowing when to give up, despite a lot of fight left in her.

"Where are you going?" Ray called out to her, sounding emotionless but also a little lost.

His longing eyes never left her as she walked away, itching to run after her because it was his job to make her feel better, but his pride said no. He doubted she wanted him anywhere near her, anyway.

"Anywhere but here, or I might punch you in your perfect teeth," she replied, not even looking at him as she numbly headed for the metal door.

The kids watched her go, too, calling out until she was gone, heading for the sanctuary of their shared bedroom. She only hoped Ray stayed away whilst she cooled down. They looked at their disgraced hero, shaking their heads in disappointment, but he remained stoic, not seeing why he should explain himself to them when the only person who mattered had already left.

"Not cool, dude," Miles said quietly, knowing he'd be the one to go home to his heartbroken sister.

"Yeah, Mika's a dirty Rivalton, but she was our best pranker," Chapa added, Bose nodding in agreement despite how the hero stared blankly out of the window.

"And she was our friend. Like (y/n), who I told about my foot thing, and it never got out!"

"Because of her, I had to shave my hair, and I argued with my wife!" Ray growled, gesturing to the stupid blond wig and kicking the ground like a petulant child. He felt lonely and weepy without his sweet girl to back him up, and part of him expected her to walk back through the door.

"We can't trust her! But now, thanks to me, she's completely out of the way, and we don't have to worry about her anymore at all."

"No..." Schwoz muttered as he sat dejectedly on the steps leading to the tube. He rubbed his forehead tiredly before meeting the hero's eye.

"But you need to worry about what you're gonna say to (y/n)." And for once, Ray didn't have an answer for the genius. He didn't even smack him or shoot him in the ass, merely standing there with a pale face and guilty look.

Unfortunately for Ray, Schwoz was right. He had no idea how he would fix it all, but he had to. He couldn't go on without his sweet girl.

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