#poor monty always gets the short end of the stick

[glambots]

I firmly hold the head cannon that the DCA is stronger than the glamrocks by like. A lot. Specifically since on rare occasions Moon can lift the play structures off of you if you hide in them(I think that was removed but still!) which I find impressive since they appear to be bolted together meaning he’s not moving a small section, he’s moving all of it. Which kind of makes sense since if something like that were to fall on a kid, you’d want the robot to be able to lift it off of them while emergency services are called, and they would probably need to be strong enough to pick up one or two kids in the event of some other emergency. So not that far fetched of a head cannon.

This however makes me picture Monty jokingly challenging Sun to an arm wrestling competition thinking there’s no chance in hell he’d lose and Sun agreeing because that sounds fun! Then Sun slams his hand into the table and nearly takes Monty with it.

(later Monty happens to look in the daycare and sees Sun hand a bottle of easy open glue he near cartoonishly struggled to open to a toddler who opens it easily. Monty demands a rematch. Similar result. Roxy is probably laughing at this point.)

You, jokingly: Haha, look at his silly noodle arms. This man could be blown over by a breeze!

Sunny: *lifts up the entire damn play structure after a kid gets trapped under the slide*

You:

[faefrosting]

Challenged my friend to draw the glamrocks and the told me I had to do the same

Can you tell Roxy and Monty aren't my favorites of the main cast ;;-;;

I spent waaayyy too long trying to figure out how to make Roxy not look ugly, I draw furries so much, but Roxy was pain, and so was Monty. They have really cool designs too, but I think because of my distaste for them it's harder to draw them

Chica's beak was a pain in the ass cause I've hated drawing bird's beaks in front view since I understood the concept of what a bird is. Love Chica tho she is bae

[ikamigami]

Well.. Sun leaving Moon alone in a time of grief isn't surprising at all considering how it's hard for Sun to spend time with emotional Moon because of the trauma from Old Moon's abuse..

I'll be repeating this over and over again till y'all hacking get it that what Old Moon did to Sun is something that doesn't go away with snap of fingers or just one swing of magic wand..

Y'all so unserious and annoying if you can't understand why Sun wasn't trying to hang out with Moon in such time..

"Moon is emotional, Moon is working, I probably shouldn't bother him" - this is probably something that Sun thought to himself. Can anyone blame him for this? I'm asking seriously.. cause I can't blame Sun for his feelings regarding this situation..

I think that Earth is more to blame if she really found out from Monty that Moon is in really poor mental state and not that he's only being egotistical Moon - though he still is but that's beside the point - she should've told Sun and Lunar about it as well.. especially Sun cause it'd help Sun figure out that Moon might have similar problem to his..

But ofc it's better to not say anything, I guess..

And the fact that Lunar dgaf about it isn't surprising to me cause when he gaf about anything other than things that are related to them and their issues.. even though I won't lie I feel a bit disappointed cause I thought that maybe Lunar is changing..

Sun is once again the one who has to shoulder this situation.. from what I gathered from that episode he'll talk to Moon (pardon me if I misunderstood something) even though Sun is the one who is affected the most by this situation (excluding Moon who is in poor mental state)..

Sun always had to shoulder every single damn one of heavy problems in this family.. previously when it was just two (and later three) of them.. and now when he has more members of family and said family is more caring about one another (?) he still has to shoulder everything.. even though he didn't heal from his trauma at all.. he only feels a bit better because his psychotic episode ended and he thinks that he's fine cause he's always like that..

People who are saying that he's the most okay and the most stable one in the family are dang stupid.. Yes, even characters from this show..

Like I guess they don't know how much abusive Old Moon was towards Sun because he never told them anything but at the same time how could he tell them if they didn't try to bother to listen to him in the first place..

But it's really easy to now be angry at Sun and blame him for his feelings when we just ignore all the trauma and abuse he had to endure throughout all these years because he simply just said that he's fine like as if he never said that before even when he wasn't actually fine..

But whatever I guess cause in this fandom it's just better to blame the victim.. but it's okay cause show also doesn't treat Sun's character seriously so why people should?

I'm tired of seeing that people can only see how much hurt is Moon..

It was like that with Old Moon even though Sun was the one who was suffering the most when he had psychotic episode.. and even now when it's more understandable that people care about Moon's state cause he's in really poor mental state but.. it truly leaves a bad tatse in one's mouth when you think about it how Sun's trauma is always ignored when it comes to Moon's feelings..

And unfortunately it just comes across as distasteful and disingenuous because apparently there's always only one character who is victim in every situation and we should always feel sorry for them and it's Moon..

And the way it's always handled and the way fandom acts about it just makes one hard to care for Moon.. especially if victim of abuse - Sun - always receive the short end of a stick..

I still care about Moon but sometimes y'all really make it hard for me to..

[puhpandas]

The fact that Monty isn't a part of the gingerbread crew, makes me wonder if bro actually truly died from the electrified water :o

(or they just forgor or smth else, idk)

he always gets the short end of the stick poor guy

[doortotomorrow]

14, 19 😉, 34, 37, 45

How do you think season seven was supposed to go, before the rewrites?

Bellamy was supposed to be on Team Save Octavia

Murphy and Emori were supposed to become parents. There was, way too much build up and foreshadowing behind it because SO many people(including myself) thought Emori was pregnant throughout the whole airing of the last season

Transcendence was only given legitimacy out of wanting to give Bellamy’s death some meaning

Which character had the best outfits/looks in season seven? 

Fashion icons, the both of them. 

List five characters who deserved better. 

Madi Griffin. What these malicious writers put this poor kid through is beyond cruel because she was on the verge of FINALLY getting to have a proper childhood. She was going to therapy to sort out her trauma, she was making friends her own age, she was going to school...and then they kill her in the most traumatic way possible. Absolute horseshit.

Gabriel Santiago. The fact that he was only two episodes away from making it to the finish line pisses me off. Also, the way he died was absolute garbage because it felt so anticlimactic and as soon as he passed, everyone moved on from it WAY too quickly. It felt like the relationships he built up with our characters meant nothing.

Monty Green. This man sacrificed his life, dedicating the rest of his days to finding a new habitable planet for humanity to settle on...only for the Earth to be perfectly fine in the last season, meaning that his sacrifice was in vain. If I were Jordan and the surviving members of Spacekru, I’d be royally fucking pissed off and devastated about it because it meant Monty didn’t have to die.

Raven Reyes. By the end of the series, she was the one main character who got the worst treatment out of the bunch, constantly drawing the short stick writing wise. The last time the writers cared about giving Raven a compelling story arc was in the fourth season, and after that, it just went downhill. The worst part about this was that it was starting to tarnish my high opinion of her character. And to any Raven fans out there...I’m sorry I let that happen. That’s on me.

Harper McIntyre. This woman deserved far, far better than what she got. She had so much potential but the writers just up and reduced her down to being Jordan’s mother who goes unmentioned. Like, would it have KILLED these writers to have her son mention her just ONCE?! 

Who are your favorite gifmakers in The 100 fandom? 

I ADORE @murphystartedthefire and her gifs with every fiber of my being. She always manages to spot parallels that go completely over my head and she’s the very first 100-centric blog I ever followed, and I’m so glad I found her!

@cuteforathief makes some really beautiful gifsets of Memori and it made me smile to see someone else making gifsets of my favourite ship when I was feeling creatively tapped out, myself. 

@gellarsummers is another person who makes gorgeous Memori/Emori gifsets and it’s so great to see more people appreciating Emori for the wonderful character she is.

I always appreciate and look forward to @bellaarke and their post season wrap up gifsets because they’re a nice reminder of how far some of these characters have come. 

Choose your own question! Write about anything on your mind!

Talking about gif making has got me wanting to make some myself. To Photoshop I go!

[psyga315]

The problem of "I Watch RWBY For The Fight Scenes" and how to account for when that logic fails.

“I watch RWBY for the fight scenes.”

You heard these words before at some point in the RWBY community. Ever since the Red Trailer back in 2012, there was a huge emphasis on fights as shown with the titular “Red” doing nothing but battling proto-typical Beowolves. No huge emphasis was put on story bits like how she was visiting her mother’s grave or on the music (Red Like Roses pt. 1 has only 4 verses and most of it’s instrumental), and Ruby isn’t even voiced in the trailer. Hell, for a good chunk of RWBY’s pre-production stage, fans perceived Ruby as a stoic girl. RWBY’s core has been the fight scenes… Right?

Well, it doesn’t really take a rocket scientist to figure out that isn’t true. While an argument can be made of how RWBY’s fights are what makes the show, the case can’t be held true for its quantity and quality. Volume 3 is the only Volume in RWBY where there’s at least a fight scene per episode (the sole exception being Episode 8, Destiny), some even having two or three packed into one episode, making the Volume more of a roller coaster, especially in the last quarter. Conversely, Volumes 4 & 5 are the volumes with the fewest amount of fights, both totalling to 5 spread out across their 12 and 14 episode run, respectively, with Volume 5’s feature fight, the Battle of Haven, being the subject of massive ridicule to the point where a two-hour video was made to detail all the errors made, among them being that the core climax of that fight occurs off screen.

However, the reverse can be held true. Some criticisms for Volume 3 include that the fight scenes were either extraneous or had poor quality to them while the highlights of Volumes 4 & 5 were things that they made up for in spite of having the fewest amount of fight scenes. So, this begs quite a few questions towards RWBY.

Most of them, however, can be summed up into one: “What feature of RWBY can match or even rival its alleged selling point in case the viewer encounters a drought or lack of quality in fight scenes?” For these, we’ll break them down into some categories. I will try to be as fair as possible for this.

The first, obvious thing, would be:

Plot, Setting and Theme

Can a viewer enjoy RWBY for its plot when the fights prove lacking, evocative themes or even its rich environment? It depends. One of the biggest things that fans enjoyed about Volume 3 was its development of the plot. Suddenly, the world expanded and there’s tons of depth and lore to an otherwise standard “wake up, go to school, save the world” deal.

However, later complaints of RWBY involve the plot in some way. One of the biggest conflicts between fans in RWBY’s 7th Volume was the execution of its cliffhanger which involves the main villain flying in with her army of monsters, many arguing that at that point, the plot has entered a phase known as “only the author can save them now”, which causes some fans to even beg for an explanation as to why Salem never did something like what she did before.

While the setting in RWBY has been interesting, at times, they end up with the short end of the stick. No case is this more truer than when Mistral, reputed as a two-faced Kingdom which had both a cultured surface and a seedy underworld, was reduced to a few paintings and a couch and only now have the people at Rooster Teeth decided to shed more light on it as a setting for their Dungeons and Dragons campaign.

The themes are extremely interesting to dissect, especially since there’s a meta layer to some of them with the passing of Monty Oum leaking into some of the plot developments and even music decisions. This, too, however, is subjective to taste, though due to the nature of themes themselves and not because of execution. One person could have a completely different interpretation of what RWBY’s core theme is compared to another’s, and that leads to their opinions. For instance, a common theme that critics picked up on in RWBY is “Kids vs. Adults” as they end up reading the conflicts that occur in RWBY and Ruby’s wording in her speech to Qrow as “kids rule, adults drool”, something they took contention with.

While plot, setting, and theme are there, it isn’t enough to supplant fights should they fail too… So, what about…

Characters and Relationships

Can a viewer enjoy RWBY for its characters and relationships? I feel like this would be a strong case to make, but at the same time, this is also a bit of an oxymoron. While the characters can sometimes feel interesting and their relationships even more, the problem is that the characters sometimes lack the focus necessary to be fleshed out and their relationships even less.

You might heard these complaint before: “Bumblebee came out of nowhere”, “Black Sun/Fair Game was bait”, or even “RWBY has too many characters!” and that is, in of itself, a bit of a problem with RWBY. When it takes the time to do character arcs and relationship progression, it is pulled off masterfully, though whose arc it was is also subjective. A key contributor to the problem is how RWBY’s focus is spread too thin.

There’s, on average, 13 characters that make their first appearance in each Volume of RWBY, about half to three quarters of them go on to make reappearances in other Volumes and even a few of them become major characters. This becomes a balancing act for RWBY to juggle all the characters and developments, leading to two characters getting a massive shaft: Ruby, the main character of RWBY, and Oscar Pine, a plot important character.

Ruby has the criticism of being a flat character. While there’s no inherit problem in of itself, the fact that the plot has been shifting and stakes become raised while the most we got out of Ruby before Volume 6 is that, sometimes she expresses sadness, was concerning. Even after Volume 5, a common complaint is that her “character development” consists of her delivering speeches.

Oscar’s problem is that the most pivotal moments of his character are relegated to the background, to the point where his nickname is “Offscreen Pine”, as every Volume since his first in Volume 4, there has always been some moment of his story that happened off screen and, often, it was that moment that makes his character arcs of those Volumes incomplete.

That is also a bit of a problem with relationships as well. Sometimes they end up being complete without any actual set up or they do have set up, but it’s either a red herring for the actual ship or, most infamously, it was never intended to be a ship to begin with. Now, there are ships that have been well-developed, but, again, it’s subjective. One such example is Bumblebee, which, to this day, has been hotly debated as whether it’s the best ship RWBY’s done, a rushjob of a ship that was only made to appease the fans after a lackluster Volume, or, at worst, a ship so polarizing, that merely criticizing it would have you accused of being a homophobe.

In fact, some characters develop at different rates, to the point where it is almost whiplash and requires a fan to actively point out how the development was foreshadowed from the start of RWBY (which, itself, leads to a common criticism). Two infamous examples of this are Adam Taurus, who only appeared in a short trailer before making his full debut appearance three years later and showing a completely different side to him, and General Ironwood, whose status as an antagonist is still being debated to this day.

So, these two fields are also wild cards in terms of enjoying RWBY… So, what then? Perhaps we could turn to…

The Community

Watching RWBY is one thing, but talking about RWBY with other people might make it worth it, right? … Yeah, depends. RWBY has become a rather… interesting subject matter. Trawl around the internet enough and you’ll find people in a fight about whether RWBY was good or not… though it’s more often one side calling the other side names and insults nowadays.

No example is truer than Youtube, which if you ask a RWBY fan, is a minefield and that, if you watch just one video of a person saying how they dislike even one aspect of RWBY, you’re suddenly swarmed with videos on “RWBY sucks and here’s why” essays… Even though that’s not how the Youtube algorithm works.

Even RWBY’s Reddit isn’t safe from this. Since the end of Volume 6, it had fractured into a smaller subreddit, RWBY Critics, where people freely share their opinions of RWBY that they would otherwise be judged harshly on the main Reddit. It feels like, when you traverse through the RWBY community and interact with it, you either love it or hate it and your first impressions could mean the difference between getting welcomed or rejected.

It doesn’t help that, with every hiatus in RWBY, the fanbase becomes more and more unstable, to the point where a contest made in good fun with the purpose to help Rooster Teeth with designs for Grimm (a win-win) was eventually turned into a toxic environment simply because one of the artists chose to base a Grimm off something that people found culturally insensitive and made even worse when endorsements were made in favor of and against this aforementioned Grimm, eventually forcing Rooster Teeth’s hand in removing the public’s ability to vote and judging on the three remaining Grimm designs (two of them ended up being removed for different reasons).

I know that was a very specific example, but it highlights just how broken the community has become. It bears repeating: a fan contest where Rooster Teeth would use the winning design in RWBY ended up becoming a flame war because one of the designs was determined to be problematic and a couple of people promoted/denounced the design, effectively rigging the contest to be centered around this one design. I will not be surprised if, years down the line, when someone else chronicles the worst dramas in RWBY, this would at the very least get an honorable mention.

And then there are where you stand on certain characters or plots. Should you ever find that your opinion differs from the majority’s opinion on a certain matter, prepare for a world of hurt or even being asked “why do you even watch RWBY?” That said, I doubt the entire community is as dark as I put it. I think there’s parts of the fandom you can enjoy, like fanmade content or even just a simple conversation with a close-knit group, especially if you enjoy RWBY…. Which, I guess leads to…

So… What do you watch RWBY for?

The point of this article was to see what part of RWBY one can find enjoyable when fight scenes prove to not work and, given what I said, you might expect me to say that there’s nothing enjoyable… Though, surprisingly, my conclusion is a lot more optimistic than that.

If you watch RWBY solely for the fight scenes, then prepare for droughts or lack of quality, or even just watch fight compilations. However, if you watch RWBY solely for the plot, setting, themes, characters, relationships, or even the community itself, then you’ll need to be prepared for similar problems.

There’s two keys to enjoying RWBY: having tolerance or patience, and having more than one thing to watch RWBY for. I think a major reason why you usually have a bunch of people drop RWBY after a volume is because they were disappointed with how RWBY did something or how RWBY lacked in something and decided to quit while they were ahead. For the most part, it might be that they took all they could get from RWBY and decided they had enough.

That said, I’ve seen people sing praises for RWBY’s story, setting, theme, characters, relationships, and even community. It’s led me to think of this struggle to find enjoyment in RWBY to be similar to a theme found in the show: the theme of persevering in the face of despair. Several characters in the show have become bitter, cynical, or even evil because they had enough of the hardships that the world threw at them while the heroes are those who try desperately to keep moving forward in spite of that.

And it’s not easy, I will admit that. It’s not easy to come back to enjoying RWBY once you begin to feel contempt for it. After the finale of Volume 5, I felt confused. Before, I had wanted to enjoy every episode of the Volume, but this one felt so rushed and so incomplete that I found myself thinking “that’s it?”. While I started to become cynical about RWBY after Volume 4 and had temporarily dropped RWBY in between “The First Step Pt. 1”’s release and sometime after “Breach”’s premiere, it was Volume 5 that made me begin to lose enjoyment. Just knowing that Rooster Teeth could do something like Volume 5 again had me lose faith.

However, there are moments that made RWBY enjoyable for me. Certain episodes were hailed as being good watches, there were a few plots, characters, and relationships I enjoyed (even ones I normally wouldn’t got some delights), settings I wished would be better explored, and I’m always going to examine themes of RWBY since that’s one thing I enjoy about it.

And, true enough, RT has done stuff that even the more hardened of critics enjoy. It’s all about patience, tolerance, and perseverance.

I know this isn’t a straight and narrow answer, but there are no easy answers. The major takeaway from this is that “I watch RWBY for the fight scenes” has the potential to backfire and you need backup reasons to enjoy RWBY and a little bit of patience in order to appreciate RWBY.

[matrixaffiliate]

Saudade - Engendered

Chapter Update! FFN and AO3

It's time to meet the parents! :) From this wonderful post by @xoblackinnon. 

I know it was ages ago when we learned Marlene's parents' names but I wanted to write something for it. Then life got crazy, but here it is now, better late than never, right? :) I’ve got so much material for these two and not enough hours in the day to get it all out. But I’m definitely trying!

Engendered

Sirius kissed Marlene's neck as she slid her shirt back on her arms.

"I told you finding an empty compartment would be worth it."

Marlene smirked, "I thought I told you that."

"Whoever said it is a fucking genius, yeah?" He laughed and threw his jacket over his shoulder. "Now let's go back to our crazy friends before they start thinking anything they shouldn't."

"They'd be right, though," Marlene tucked herself into his side and Sirius grinned.

"Sure, but then they be thinking about the unattainable and that's just sad. Best to save them from their misery," and just because he could, he pushed her against the wall and kissed her again.

"There you two are," Peter laughed. "Did you just leave to snog each other? Are you guys feeling alright? Normally you don't let our presence stop you."

"Very funny, Pete," Sirius laughed, "but we do tend to at least pull a curtain for other things."

"Silencing charms are always appreciated too," Pete rolled his eyes. "But we're nearly there, come on back and we'll toast to our last ride on this heaving mass of metal."

Sirius pulled Marlene back into him pulling her down on his lap when they rejoined their friends.

"To the rest of our lives!" Remus passed around bottles of butterbeer.

"And to fixing this messed up world!" James added before touching his bottle to Lily's.

Sirius drank as the platform came into view.

"Damnit," Peter groaned, "Mum's at the back of the platform again. I even told her to be closer to the middle."

"My parents are usually back there too Pete," Remus smiled, "We'll go back together."

"Thanks, Rems," Peter looked less put out and Sirius smiled. He couldn't imagine feeling any happier than he did right now. He was surrounded by the best people in his world and to top it off Marlene was sitting on his lap with her arm draped over his shoulders. It didn't get better than this.

But as they bid Peter and Remus goodbye until the next week and the two couples levitated their trunks out onto the platform, things definitely got worse.

He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting. Logically they would be there. They would come to pick up Reg. Of course, they would.

But logic did nothing for the way his stomach clenched and his throat constricted.

Marlene followed his gaze and tsked.

"I'd introduce you to them, but I'm interested in keeping this relationship." Sirius tried for humor, but even he could hear the pain in his voice.

"Hey," Marlene pulled his arm around her, "they're nobody now."

"She's right, Pads," James put his arm protectively around Sirius' shoulders, "I'm sure Mum and Dad aren't far, and I'd bet the McKinnon's are keen on meeting you." James winked at Marlene who smiled but continued to focus on Sirius, who continued to watch Orion and Walburga.

"There you are!" Mia Potter's cheery voice broke his trance and he turned to the woman who called him son despite his blood.

She wrapped her arms around his middle, her head reaching just above his shoulder. He forgot how short Mia was until she hugged him.

"I missed my sons!" She pulled out the 's' at the end of sons, and looked up at him intently for a long moment, emphasizing what Marls and James had been pushing just before she arrived.

The words wanted to stick in his throat, but he pushed passed it. "I missed you too, Mum."

Mia beamed at him, and Sirius felt a bit of the anxiety lighten.

"My boys!" Monty Potter called out as he made his way to them. "Your mum said she saw you and then she was gone. I'm going to stick a peacock on your head when we're in crowded places, Mia."

Mia rolled her eyes as her children laughed. "Or you could remember to not let go of this old woman's hand so you don't get left behind."

"She's right, Dad," James nodded, "the only time I got lost as a kid was when I let go of Mum's hand."

Monty chuckled, "I'll keep that in mind. Now, who are these beautiful women? They must be blind to be hanging on the two of you, poor dears."

Marlene and Lily laughed and Sirius felt a bit more of his anxiety lift.

"Mum, Dad," James pulled Lily forward, "may I present the phenomenal Lily Evans, who also happens to be my girlfriend now."

Mia immediately stepped forward and hugged Lily. "He's a handful, but you look like you can handle him."

Lily laughed as she hugged Mia back. "I try to."

"From James' letters, I'm sure you're up to the task," Monty shook her hand.

"And this must be Marlene," Mia turned to Sirius and Marls.

"Yeah," Sirius nodded and pulled Marlene closer. "Mum, Dad, this is my Marlene."

Mia pulled them both into a hug, "That says it all, doesn't it?"

Marlene smiled up at Sirius and grinned, "It really does."

"Where are your families?" Monty scanned around the platform.

"My family is waiting for me at home." Lily gave Monty a sad smile.

"Wise, dear," Mia grabbed Lily's hand and squeezed it.

"My family is somewhere," Marlene stood on her tiptoes and squinted to see further.

Sirius saw them first. He'd seen pictures in Marls dorm. But those smiling, waving, images in her pictures didn't express the way Marls parents looked at her like she was the world.

"Marlene!"

A smaller version of Marls came running through the crowd and wrapped her arms around Marlene's waist.

"Catherine!" Marlene bent and kissed her sister's head.

Sirius looked up just in time to watch Angus and Elspeth McKinnon walk the last few feet to where he stood with Marlene. Sirius moved to give Marls space with her family but was shocked when her dad reached out and pulled him into a hug.

"Sirius, my boy, it's so good to finally meet you."

"Careful, Angus," Monty chuckled, "We've already claimed the young man."

Marlene's dad grinned, "The boy needs in-laws, doesn't he? Else's parents are as much my family as mine are hers."

"Dad!" Marlene groaned.

But Sirius just stared. He couldn't resolve the reality before him. There were two men standing before him arguing about who had claim to call him son, while the man who had the right by blood stood not fifty feet away and wanted nothing to do with him.

"Don't let them bother you, Sirius," Marlene's mum smiled at him and Sirius looked down at her.

"I, it's alright, just, you know..." He cast an involuntary glance back at his parents as they walked away with Reg.

"This is your family, Sirius." Mia pulled his chin till he was looking down at her. "Right here, your family is here, and we want you."

"We really do," Elspeth smiled at him.

He took a shuddering breath, looking at the place where Orion, Walburga, and Reg had been moments before. Then he looked at the people surrounding him, smiling at him like he was the world.

"Thanks, I think I'll hang around a while, maybe forever."

"You better," James gave his shoulder a shove.

"At least stick around for my motorcycle magazines," Marlene whispered into his ear.

And Sirius laughed before pressing his lips to her hairline.

Yes, he'd stick around, because these people looked at him like he was the world, and while he had no idea how to handle it, he knew he never wanted them to stop looking at him like he mattered.

[pokemonshieldmonty]

Into the Weald and World

((Naturally this one’s spoilers since it’s on day one, though it only covers the first 20 minutes or so of gameplay. If you’re up for that, read on! Time for the first actual gameplay with Monty fanfic~))

Happened a little too quick for her--She knew adventure always did, in the stories her Pop told her, but Monty didn’t think she’d ever get to it herself. That crash, the Wooloo gone, and Hop charging off to see what’s up. Into the Slumbering Weald… But poor little Wooloo. She couldn’t leave it. Remembered all too well how bad it was, lost in a wood, and that was just the bright one down the way. 

“We should tell someone where we’ve gone,” she tried. Screwed up her courage. 

“No time for that,” Hop said. “Come on!” 

So they went. 

Into the Weald… Monty had never been in without Pop before, and that was just once, to fix the old gate when a Rookidee took off with the latch. Just two steps in was all they went. Bad enough. Who knew how far they’d go today… 

The tall grass rustled. Monty shouted warning, threw Scaevola’s ball. The small grey bird swooped away from her and fluffed angrily. Rookidee! Did thinking call the blasted thing? She remembered poor old Argyle running from a flock of them once before Pop’s Hakamo-o clanged them off. So grass was no good with birds… She looked at Scaevola, little thing gravely gripping that stick with his little left hand. But you’re all I’ve got. 

“Best make it quick, then.” 

 Few scratches, two Rookidees, and a Skwovet later, she caught Hop. “There ye are,” she gasped. The mist was heavy, hurting in her lungs. “Slow down!” 

“There you are,” he said, though he started off slower. “Come on, that little Wooloo’s in here somewhere. Doing alright, Grookey? I’ll keep you in top form.” 

Monty smiled a little as he sprayed a potion on Scaevola’s nicks. “Thanks, Hop. How’s your lot?” 

“We’re fine, don’t worry.” He was antsy now. Courage still, but still. The Slumbering Weald. 

 And then the mist rolled in too thick. Monty’s eyes went wide and she dragged her collar up to cover her nose. She heard Hop start to say something about can’t see his hand in front of his face, but her eyes were on the dark thing staring towards them. She felt it before she saw, but no way to be ready for the seeing.

Dog. 

Big dog. Monty swallowed her scream. Maybe the fog did too, hard to tell there. Scaevola’s shrill chirp grabbed her senses. So big… But nowhere to run. 

“Growl, Scaevola!” Maybe they could bluster this. 

Scaevola bared his little teeth his fiercest, but the thing just stared them down. 

“Wha--?” Hop cried. “The move had no effect on it?!” 

“I saw, I see.” Monty gritted her teeth. Didn’t want to make it mad, but-- “Try scratch!” 

Scaevola screeched and lunged--no go. Too go. Went right through. 

“Ghost type?” Monty breathed. Made sense. But no. It felt wrong. Not ghost. 

The dog howled and Monty did scream. A rush of fog, of fear. 

Hop was shouting something. Her name? “Monty! I can’t see anything! You okay?!” 

“No!” she all but wailed. “There’s a dog.” 

Hop’s incredulous stare was barely there in the mist. “We can’t see and can’t touch this thing and your big thing is it’s a dog?” 

“It’s a big thing, alright?!” She tried not to cry, tried hard. “Scaevola, your branch!” 

The little Grookey lunged. Something cracked. Dog’s eyes--the world--went white. 

Monty reached for something--anything--found small and warm. And nothing. 

 Pounding feet, pounding head, pounding lungs. Something small and warm. Monty groaned and sat up, stood slow. The Weald still… No dog. She breathed out long relief and coughed hard. Scaevola chirped and churred in her arms. 

“Ow…” So Hop was there too. That was good. 

“Hop! Monty!” Leon’s voice, then a Leon in the fog, then real and solid. Monty could hug him, except her arms were full of Grookey. She settled for helpless, helpless laughing. 

“Wha--? Lee?” Hop shook his head, gaping. “How’d you manage to find your way here? You’re pants with directions. You always get lost.” 

Monty’s laugh calmed into a soft chuckle. Hop joking like nothing happened. It was fine, it was fine… 

Leon put his hands on his hips. “Oh, that’s nice to hear from the little brother who had me worried sick! I’d been waiting ages for you two, and you never showed! Of course I came looking for the both of you.” 

Ages? Monty bit her lip and tried to think. Just how long were we in here? Oh--Mum will be so fretting. Scaevola chirped again, softly, and Monty smoothed his fur. “It’s alright, little one,” she murmured. Skies but she sounded hoarse. Oh… “The Wooloo, Hop.” 

He didn’t hear, but Hop was thinking the same by the sudden thunderstruck on his face. “Wait, where’s the Wooloo? We were trying to rescue that Wooloo!” 

Leon just smiled and turned so his cape stopped blocking their sight of the path behind him. Wooloo bleated happily, cozied up to his Charizard. “The little chap’s just fine,” he said, patting Hop’s shoulder. “Though all of you had fainted by the time I found you here.” His smile faded. “You know this place is out of bounds… But it took courage to come in here all the same. And I can understand well enough why you did it.” 

The smile turned back up again and his hand was back on his little brother’s shoulder. “You did good, Hop!” 

Hop grinned, proud and maybe a little sheepish. “And at least that Wooloo’s alright, yeah, Monty?” 

“Yeah…” Monty stroked Scaevola again. He was shaking, and that wasn’t mist that made his cheeks damp. Poor thing must’ve been scared. Some trainer I am, letting my Pokemon cry. 

Hop was telling Leon about the weird Pokemon, but Monty stopped listening again. Something was wrong with her Scaevola. 

“Where’s yer branch?” 

He made a throaty little sound that somehow held all the saddest feel that Monty’d ever heard. Monty walked over a little ways to where he pointed. It was on the ground still, must’ve been dropped… And broken. 

“Ohhh… My poor Scaevola.” Monty knelt and gingerly picked it up. It was still joined a little, the break only went maybe halfway through. So that was the crack she’d heard… “That’s no, no good. And my orders too…” 

He reached up and patted her cheek. Monty smiled through the threatening tears and scratched his ear. Didn’t blame her, even if she did. 

“You’re a good child,” she whispered. “Come on, it’s not gone yet.” She fished in her bag and found a roll of medical tape she kept for emergencies. “Maybe Mum can help.” 

“Hey? Monty?” Leon and Hop had finished talking. “Now don’t wander off and get lost again!” 

“I’m here, I’m here,” she called back. She picked up a few leaves and wrapped them like gauze around the broken stick, then taped them in place with a twig, a makeshift splint. “There, Scaevola. We’ll make it right.” 

He purred gently and patted her cheek again, then took the stick from her hand. Monty ruffled his fur. 

“All set?” Leon walked over to her. “Let’s get out of this place. You’ll be alright now that I’m here with you!” 

Hop grinned. “Even if we did get an earful from Lee, what an experience! This’ll make a pretty fine first page in the tale of my legend!”

Monty nodded and laughed. “As ye like it, silly boy.” She coughed into her collar again and waved off his worry. “Come on, I miss the sun.” 

 The way out seemed so much less than the way in. Sunlight again so soon had Monty squinting hard and Scaevola purring at the warm, warm light. Leon kept going on ahead. Hop turned back at the foot of the stairs to Monty’s house. 

“Don’t forget to tell your mum we’re off to Wedgehurst now,” he said. “She’ll go spare if you leave without a word--even worse than Lee just did!” 

Monty chuckled. “Ye think that was spare? Nah. I’ll catch you there, never fret. Come on, lil’ Scaevola. She’ll just love ye.” 

She sure did. Mum nearly dropped the dish she was washing as Scaevola chirped at her. “Well now, isn’t he just a sweetheart! And so you’re off to Wedgehurst? I heard the news from young Leon. I’m glad someone bothered to tell me!” 

Monty grimaced. “I tried, Mum. Hop’s pushy.”

Mum sighed. “I know, I know. That boy will get you in trouble, just watch. But since today’s the day…” She ducked into the cabinet and pulled out a small parcel. “Here we are. I got your Trainer Card a sleeve to keep the rain off, and a bit of pocket money from your Pop and me.” She waved off Monty’s thanks. “You waited this long, dear. You more than earned it. Buy a potion or two at the Pokemon Center when you get there.” She knelt to pat Scaevola’s head. “Remember this Grookey will battle to the very end for you, so don’t you go pushing the poor dear too hard! And you, Grookey, look after my little Monty!” 

“Mum,” Monty almost whined. “I’m not that little!” 

Mum laughed and compared their heights with one hand. “Little enough, I’d say. Chin up, dear! Come home to rest anytime that you need. After all… east or west, home is best. Ah, this brings back memories, doesn’t it, Argyle?” 

Argyle stretched and trilled sleepily from his sunny window box, then hopped down to shuffle over to Monty. She crouched as he bumped his head into her knee, and patted his soft fluff. 

“Before I go, Mum, I did have a--oof.” She broke off with a short heavy cough. “Ach, dangit all.” 

Fret caught Mum’s eyes and she hurried over to the kettle, turning it up to boiling. “Starting with a cold’s no good, now.” 

Monty waved her off. “It’s no cold, just the wet. We got in some fog earlier, got me fierce, it did.” 

“Well then, some tea will sort you right out.” Mum nodded decisively. “What else was it you needed?” 

Monty pointed at Argyle and Scaevola. “Gramps has it figured out. See?” 

Argyle managed to coax Scaevola into handing over his branch. He held it up for Mum to inspect. 

Mum crouched to get a better look. “Oh, oh. That isn’t very good, dear. You want me to fix it?” 

Monty nodded, suddenly nervous. “Ye can, right?” 

“Of course.” Mum took it and ruffled Monty’s hair at her sigh of relief. “It’ll be just like mending Roisin’s twigs after that windstorm last week. I think I still have… Ah, yes.” 

She found the packet of powder in its drawer and poured a second cup of hot water for it, setting Monty’s tea steeping in one and mixing the sweet-sharp stuff into the other. “You did very good in binding it like this,” she said, approving. “It’ll just need a soak. Very good in picking a Grookey, really. They can make plants grow, so your little one should be fine making this mend with just a little help.” 

Monty wrinkled her nose as the powder turned the mix green. “Glad he don’t have to drink that.” 

Scaevola sneezed. He sure agreed. 

Mumsie laughed. “Just let it steep while you drink your tea. Give it… say, an hour? You can rest a while, show him your room and all.” 

Monty smiled, resigned a little, but happier still, and scooped Scaevola up with one arm. Argyle helpfully grabbed the teacup and followed her upstairs as Mum went back to her cleaning. 

They all sat together at Monty’s desk, watching the wind toss clouds. 

“Well,” Monty sighed, “there ye have the truth of it, Scaevola.” She patted her collarbone and sipped at her tea again. “Sickly little trainer ye got yourself.” 

Scaevola watched her, calm and quiet. 

Monty met his eyes over her mug’s rim. “You… get it, don’t you? Not just me.” 

Scaevola churred and touched her hand. 

“Ahh…” Monty set her mug back down. “So, so. We’re the wind-whipped branch. We’re both the wind-whipped branch, ye see? Ye do, I know it.” She gently took his branch. “We’re broken.” 

Scaevola patted her fingers again and tugged a little at the makeshift splint. 

Monty smiled. “That’s right. But I lean on you, you lean on me, we’ll both stand tall.” She held out a hand. “Well now, what say ye?” 

Scaevola pressed his palm to hers and purred and purred. 

[emospritelet]

You can’t do a naked calendar plot line without some kind of Full Monty reference. Whether Dr Gold has a sarcastic line about being in a strip group to pay for med school or Belle having a fantasy about a guilty pleasure movie or the photographer playing “You Can Leave Your Hat On” during the shoot I needs a FM reference.

So remember when I suggested Gold might be persuaded to take part in a naked calendar as a fundraiser for the hospital?  I asked you people to stop me and no one did.

Anyway, I tweaked the above prompt a little…

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part 10] [Part 11] [Part 12] [Part 13] [Part 14] [Part 15] [Part 16]

AO3 link

Belle stayed in bed for the next three days.  Her father was in no way as attentive as Gold, but at least she knew not to expect much from him.  He brought her tea each morning, with the air of someone who felt that they were performing a task that was beneath them.  Dinner was takeout fried chicken, which she pulled a face at, and received a lecture on her lack of gratitude in return. It didn’t make her recovery any more rapid, but she felt too sick and weak to care all that much.

It was a relief when she felt she could get out of bed, not least because she could make her father breakfast and stop his complaining, however briefly. She really needed her own place, and to that end she spent the rest of the morning making a notice to hang in the break room at work. Wanted! it shouted in large red letters, followed by a description of what she was looking for: apartment or shared house with access to a garden, plus the approximate rent she was looking to pay. She had left tear-off strips at the bottom with her name and number, and she prayed that someone in Storybrooke would have what she wanted. Someone who was quiet and tidy and liked cooking dinner with a glass of wine and a little music.  Someone who enjoyed lazy Sundays with coffee and croissants and a good book. Someone like—

Belle squeezed her eyes shut, scrunching the paper a little in her fingers and shaking her head.  No. He had made it very clear that he didn’t see her as anything more than a friend, and to share a house with him would be exquisitely painful.  Not to mention the fact that the poor man had probably breathed a huge sigh of relief when he returned home and found her gone. Maybe he had danced around the place.  Naked.

Belle rolled her eyes, shoving the image away, the memory of seeing every inch of him.  The thought made her grin, and she shook her head in resignation. Barely over the flu, and her libido was already at full power. She tamped it down, concentrating on smoothing out the crinkles in her notice. Someone in Storybrooke would have a place to rent. She just hoped it would be someone she could stand.

x

Gold had never before found his house to be too quiet.

When he had first moved to Storybrooke, he had breathed a sigh of relief at leaving the city behind, at his pace of life changing so dramatically, his journey to and from work undisturbed by the honking of horns or the screaming of sirens, the only sounds in the evening the ticking of clocks or the music he played.  He had revelled in peace and quiet, in silence. And now it seemed oppressive, almost ominous, as though a heavy cloud had stretched across the sun and his world was left in shadow.

The first night after Belle left was torture; he could smell her scent on the pillows, and his sleep was restless, filled with vague dreams of her being there with him.  He stripped the bed the next morning, changing the linen for fresh and shoving the sheets into the laundry hamper to wash. The dreams faded, but it was a partial victory only.  The house was still too quiet.

He told himself it was for the best; he liked his own company, after all.  He enjoyed solitude, had sought it out and embraced it. Having Belle in his house didn’t change who he was on the most basic level.  So why did the house feel empty without her? Why did he feel empty?

His brain wasn’t coming up with any satisfactory answers to that question, certainly none that made any sense, and so he chose to deal with his inner turmoil in the best way he knew, which was to bury himself in work until he forgot about it.  Fortunately, the hospital was as busy as ever, and Dr Whale had almost cried when Gold told him he could take the rest of the week off. For a terrifying moment he had thought Whale was going to hug him, but thankfully he had restrained himself and had simply run off to the locker room.  Nurse South had immediately approached, a clipboard in her hands and a determined look in her eyes, and Gold had gotten an update from her and thrown himself into dealing with the latest casualties of the harsh Maine winter.

Jefferson appeared for the evening shift, just as Gold was starting to realise how tired he was.  A friendly clap on his shoulder made him stagger, and Jefferson grabbed his arm to keep him upright.

“Take it easy, would you?” he said.  “Go on, get on home. I can cover your last hour.”

“I’m alright,” lied Gold, rubbing an eye, and Jefferson grinned at him.

“So, I hear Belle finally went home,” he said.  “I’m guessing you’ve been enjoying a little alone-time since she left, am I right?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” snapped Gold, and Jefferson blinked.

“It - means that I know you like your own company?” he said.  “What the hell did you think I was talking about?”

“Nothing,” sighed Gold, giving himself a mental kicking.  “Sorry. I’m just - sorry.”

“No big deal.”  Jefferson looked him over.  “How is she, anyway?”

“How should I know?”

“Wow, are you in a crappy mood today,” remarked Jefferson.

“Sorry,” said Gold again.  “She’s - I don’t know how she is.  Not back at work, anyway.”

“Maybe she’s actually getting the rest she needs,” said Jefferson.  “Unlike some people.”

“Stop nagging me.”

“Somebody ought to.”

“Why is that somebody always you?”

“You know my constant dragging comes from a place of love, right?”

Gold shook his head, secretly amused, and Jefferson grinned.

“Grace is better, by the way,” he said.  “She’s back in school. She says I’m to invite you to a tea party this weekend.”

“I’d be delighted.”

“Good, because I already told her you were coming.”

Gold nodded absently, setting down the chart and moving on, and Jefferson eyed him, lips pursed as though he had a secret and was wondering whether to tell him.  Gold grumbled under his breath.

“Whatever it is you have to say, why don’t you just say it?”

“Okay,” said Jefferson.  “The Board agreed to buy that new CT scanner you wanted—”

“But?”

“—but they’re insisting that we do a fundraising drive to show willing.”

Gold groaned, letting his head roll back.

“Let me guess,” he said dryly.  “Bake sales and a charity dinner.”

“Is that so terrible?”

Gold snatched up the chart from the next patient’s bed, grumbling to himself.

“I’ll bake something,” he said.  “Several things. I’ll even attend the dinner.  Just don’t leave me alone with the bloody donors.”

“You’re safe, I promise,” said Jefferson, and hesitated.  “Anyway, that wasn’t what I was gonna tell you. I - kind of had an idea for fundraising.”

“Oh yes?”

Gold checked over the figures on the chart, nodding to himself when he saw the slowly improving picture.  He turned his attention to the man in the bed. Alfred Prentice was pale and thin, his white beard stretching down over the blankets.

“Good to see you getting a little better, Mr Prentice,” said Gold.  “I hope you’ll be able to go home soon.”

The old man lifted a hand briefly, closing his eyes, and Gold turned back to Jefferson, who was looking surprisingly shifty.

“Go on,” said Gold suspiciously.

“Okay, so I thought we might all contribute to a calendar,” said Jefferson, in a rush.  “A picture, maybe a short bio, maybe a fun statement.”

“Who the hell would want to buy that?”

“Oh, we’d all be naked,” said Jefferson, in a matter-of-fact way, and Gold’s eyes narrowed.

“What?”

“Well - naked calendars of regular people sell, you know?” said Jefferson, giving what he no doubt thought was his most charming smile.  Gold turned away.

“No.”

“Oh, come on!”

“No.”

“Don’t tell me you haven’t done things you didn’t want to further your career in medicine,” said Jefferson.

“Yes, I waited tables every night at university,” said Gold impatiently.  "I certainly didn’t take my clothes off for cash.“

“Pity, you could have saved yourself time and money,” said Jefferson, with a grin.  "Get me drunk enough and I’ll tell you about my time at Blue Star. Stripping’s a lot more lucrative than carrying plates of food.“

Gold stared at him for a moment, unsure whether he was joking, and Jefferson’s grin widened.

“Get me even drunker and I’ll probably show you my routine to You Can Leave Your Hat On,” he added, and Gold shook his head.

“God, please don’t.”

“You’re no fun.”

“I keep telling you that, but you don’t take any notice.”

Jefferson sighed in exasperation.

“So?” he said.  "You in?“

“No one wants to see me naked even accidentally, I assure you,” said Gold, in a very dry tone.  “Let alone pay money for it.”

“You wouldn’t be totally naked,” persisted Jefferson.  “I was thinking about a strategically-placed clipboard or something.”

“No.”

“Whale’s doing it.”

“Whale would get his tackle out for a croissant.”

Gold moved on to the next bed, and Jefferson scampered after him.

“Okay, that’s true,” he allowed.  “But think of the hospital! Isn’t getting state of the art equipment worth a little humiliation?”

“You’re not selling this too well.”

“The photo shoot will be private,” added Jefferson.  “Just you, the photographer… And me, if you want some support.  Moral or otherwise.”

Gold sighed, and Jefferson grinned at him.

“Everyone else has said yes.”

Gold reached for the patient’s chart, and looked up at him.

“Fine,” he said resignedly.  “But next year I’m sticking to the bake sale.”

[captaindaddykru]

The 100 Ask Game

i was tagged by @foreverandalwayscrysis even though i accidentally end up ignoring her for weeks bc i’ve migrated towards twitter. major dumb b*tch energy.

1. What Station on the Ark would you be from? probably argo station bc im from the south and im surrounded by farmers. theyre everywhere. get me out.

2. What would you get arrested for on the Ark? yelling at someone in command for being a basic bitch? fighting for equality? stealing meds for the poor?

3. Would you take off your wristband when you landed on the ground? if bellamy asked me to? y-yeah.

4. What would the necklace Finn would make for you look like? (Clarke: deer/Raven: a raven duh..) i’d love a turtle

5. If you could resurrect any MINOR character who would it be? ok if we dont count miles ezekiel shaw bc he was in more than two eps, definitely wells.

6. Create a squad of 5 characters to go on missions with. Who are they? bellamy, clarke, raven, shaw & harper. 

7. What Grounder Clan would you belong to? there is only one kru<3<3 anyway, floukru if it was my own decision.

8. What would your name be in Trigedasleng? sumn like maksim? or just maks? idk the whole language is confusing to me

9. Thoughts on Finn? Some people hate him, and others love him, so I’m curious. did everyone try the chicken? i thought the chicken was lovely. nah, all jokes aside -- what he did to raven was absolutely disgusting, but i kind of liked his storyline. how he went from being holier-than-thou to absolutely losing his damn mind over clarke to point he shoots up an entire village of innocent people? it was interesting. but he died when he shouldve.

10. Be honest. How willing would you have been to take the chip without knowing all the horrible things it does? im not gonna take shit. grass is always greener on the other side.

11. What character do you relate to most? definitely clarke. thats why i’m so hard on her.

12. What character do you like the least? echo. groan every time i see her face.

13. Describe your delinquent outfit. (Would you wear something like Murphy’s jacket with the spikey red shoulder patch or have a trademark like Jasper’s goggles? Be creative, yet practical) oh i love this one! uhm. probably like jeans, but ripped. black ankle boots. a shirt -- something with cleavage definitely, i think a regular tanktop. a dark jacket. idk. i would always have a gun/knife holster on my thigh i think. (ok i wanna look like lara croft). and i would enjoy if i could wear any shade of lipstick. i would want that to be my trademark. i find berries or sumn in the first ep.

14. Favorite type of mutant animal? that monster spying on lincoln and octavia in the woods. wonder what happened to that one.

15. What would your job be on the Ark? something medical for sure.

16. Would you have willingly pumped Ontari’s heart if Abby asked? yeah no biggie im (almost) a nurse. ive resucitated ppl before.

17. If Lexa wasn’t Heda, but she was still alive, then who would have made the best commander? dont kill me, but definitely luna. i know she didnt want it, but she wouldve been the best fit.

18. How would you act if you ate the hallucinogenic nuts like Jasper and Monty? probably cry all night or get super giggly. either or.

19. How would you have dealt with Charlotte’s crime? A more John Murphy approach or Bellamy Blake approach? i dont believe in the dead penalty in modern times, but like she was old enough to know killing people aint right. especially not for revenge on an innocent person. so i say the murphy method.

20. Who should have been the Chancellor, if anyone? they shouldnt have one person in charge, but if they have to, i’d say clarke. fuck them old ppl tbh.

21. Would you have been on Pike’s side like Bellamy or on Kane’s side? Or Clarke in Polis? i think bellamy went through some personal stuff that made him side with pike. if i were in the situation myself i think i would be digusted by pike’s xenophobia, but if they said there was an army outside waiting to kill us. maybe i would buy it? idk. depends on if i have all the info i guess.

22. Mount Weather had a lot of modern commodities. (example: Maya’s iPod) What is the one thing you would snatch while there? MUSIC PLAYER

23. What would your Grounder tattoos look like? Hairstyle? War paint? war paint on my lips!!! and i’d wing the shit out of my eyes too. as for a hairstyle probably like a lob, sides braided back. i dont like my hair up so mostly just keep it down. tattoos? idk if we’re all dying anyway, i’d say fuck it and do a whole sleeve of flowers.

24. Favorite quote? can i be a soft bellarke bitch for a sec and present clarke’s entire speech in 4x13 or ‘if i’m on that list, you’re on that list’. that or “who we are, and who we need to be to survive are very different things”

25. If all of the characters were in the Hunger Games, who would have the best shot at winning? clarke or murphy. team cockroach bitch. is this the time i plug my own thg fics? 

26. Least favorite ship? Favorite canon ship? Favorite non-canon ship? NOT INCLUDING CL OR BC OR BE

if i cant say bellarke its gonna be a short list. canon? zaven and memori. non-canon: sea mechanic, wellven, murphamy. 

27. A song that should be included in the next season? If there had to be another guest star like Shawn Mendes on the show, who would you want to make a cameo? BIG DREAM would be taylor swift but i dont think her current era fits with the show (plus its the cw....like they gonna give up half of their yearly budget for a three sec cameo?). i think aly & aj’s new music slaps and they’d fit in the whole new earth aesthetic. 

28. What would you do if you were stuck in the bunker with Murphy for all that time? write blarke fanfic with him probably. 

29. You’re an extra that gets killed off. How do you die? i’d wanna die protecting bellamy lmao. just a full on beheading or something.

30. A character you’d like to learn more about and get flashbacks of? literally no one. they’re a season too late. ok. maybe shaw. but thats over now i guess :/

31. A character you’d bang? bellamy, clarke, raven, shaw, emori, harper, monty, wells, diyoza. its a cw show. come on.

32. Would you stay in the Bunker? Go up to Space? Or live on your own in Eden?  if i was on the show i’d go up in space to prevent becho. if you have me the choice now, i’d stay in eden.

33. In the Bunker, would you follow Octavia? What would you do to pass the time underground?  i’d definitely not eat human meat. death it is i think.

34. What crime would you commit in the Bunker that lands you in the fighting pits? tryna murder blodreina for making me eat humans.

35. Up in Space, who would you bond with first? Who would be the most difficult for you to get along with? i’d bond with monty over biology i think. i would have a hard time getting a long with murphy or echo. i love the first as a character but irl i’d kick his ass. 

36. How long do you think you would last on Earth by yourself? if i have eden? as long as i have until the next apocalypse.

37. When the Eligius ship lands what do you do? try and blow them up while they sleep or sumn? or idk. if i was alone, maybe just better to make friends.

38. Favorite Eligius character? Least favorite? diyoza+, mccreary-.

39. Would you Spacewalk? i would probably? i’d be terrified but what a way to go?

40. Would you prefer to eat Windshield Bugs, Space Algae, or Bunker Meat? ive accidentally gotten bugs in my mouth before and like i said im not eating humans, so -- space algae.

41. Would you start a war for the last spot of green on earth? What would your solution be to avoid it? war didn’t help anyone. in the end, no one got to live on earth. i’d try and compromise i guess. or once they trust me, try and kill the eligius ppl in their sleep anyway.

42. Would you rather dig out flesh-eating worms or stick thumb drives into bullet holes? stick the thumb drives into bullet holes. i have fear of ‘alive’ things being in or on the human body. 

43. Are you willing to poison your sister for the Traitor Who You Love? What would you do to stop Octavia? for clarke? yeah. if she was as loco as octavia, definitely. or i’d kidnap her and say she killed me.

44. Would you go to sleep in cryo or stay awake like Marper? sleep, definitely.

45. Who are you waking up first to explore the new planet? bellamy, clarke, raven, emori, shaw, murphy, jordan and since somebody usually dies on these explorations, i’d allow echo to come.

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: Vol. 5 "Dread in the Air"

This is a re-posting from Oct. 21st, 2017 in an effort to get all my recaps fully on tumblr. Thanks!

Seeing the intro for the first time as an intro in Episode 2 is always exciting, especially since RWBY has a history of hinting at things to come in their openings. Though it is a little reminiscent of an Instagram filter, I do enjoy the grainy texture given to each of the girls' introduction shots--a move from pure, bright coloring to a darker texture reflective of the show's darker themes. The fact that we have house shenanigans alongside a passing silhouette of Ozpin, an intense fight against a literally larger than life Salem while Ruby still finds reasons to smile... it's looking like Volume 5 is finding its balance.

Indeed, in the name of balance this is one of the rare episodes where Ruby never shows up. "Rare" doesn't even cover it really, considering that in previous episodes focusing on others she at least appeared in the background: attending class, cheering on her teammates in the tournament, etc. However, as the stakes and cast grow, we should expect more time to be devoted to the other players in this game. "Dread in the Air" pays particular attention to its villains.

Any lingering doubts about Lionheart's loyalty are laid to rest as Watts visits him personally, escorting him to one of Salem's jellyfish grimm that's... just hanging out in the middle of the school somewhere? Alright then. We see partly now why Lionheart got rid of all his security. Not easy to keep your duplicity a secret if you're housing stuff like that next to the broom closet. Regardless, it's clear that he's being threatened or blackmailed and is caving under that pressure pretty quick. For a long time the fandom considered Qrow/Tai/Ironwood/Ozpin as the scarecrow/cowardly lion/tin man/wizard representatives, but with the introduction of Lionheart as a cowardly figure and an obviously lion-ish look/name, we might eventually be getting a third school headmaster in need of a brain...

Now that jellyfish thing is certainly creepy--remember Mercury and Emerald's first reactions?--but here we get to see that even the creepiest grimm become a thousand times worse in Salem's hands. Lionheart makes the mistake of trying to order her around, telling Salem to hurry and get the Spring Maiden before Qrow does, and his outburst is rewarded by tentacles snapping out to choke him, one threatening to put out an eye. The fact that Salem can control her grimm from such a distance lends credence to the theory that she's the other "brother" from Qrow's story, capable of manipulating all her creations. Or at least she’s connected to them somehow. She is, in short, their god. Does that mean then Ozpin can do similar things with life as her opposite? Regardless, this moment also implies that these jellyfish grimm aren't inherently weird scroll replacements, but rather that this communication is an ability that Salem is bestowing on them. After all, we haven't seen any of the other creatures being used as tools yet.  

As Lionheart reports that he's found the Spring Maiden we learn that Cinder has finally recovered, at least enough to tell Watts to shut up and argue with Salem about murdering children. (Didn't you miss her?). I'm always pretty attuned to when people use names vs. epithets, and Cinder's move from "the silver eyed girl" to "Ruby" when she begs Salem to kill her shows just how personal this fight has become. Salem also warns Cinder that Ruby's powers--once she harnesses them--are a real threat to the Maiden's. Jury’s still out on whether that’s because of their magic or something else intrinsic to the Maidens. 

After Salem asks to speak with Tyrion (appearing highly displeased) and Watts is tasked with somehow getting him a new tail, we cut to Weiss where my reading of last's week's conflict (and Weiss' character) rings true. They are still near the ship that sent out the distress call and after another one crashes Weiss says enough is enough. She's going to help, "What we should have done in the first place." We're then treated to what are, in my humble opinion, the most god awful grimm to ever grace the RWBY screen.

Wasps.

Or lancers, as they're called, with stingers that act like grappling hooks--isn't that wonderful?

A lot of people have complained about the fight sequences since Monty's death, but there's still a wonderful wealth of creativity here. Flexible magic structures aside, from a purely fight standpoint I've always appreciated the ways that Weiss utilizes her glyphs, in this case to steady herself on a moving airship, shoot volleys at a number of moving targets, slow their descent, and lift an entire cargo hold of dust to turn it into a bomb. (Seriously... she can do anything with that semblance.) When that doesn’t work we get what we all knew was coming: that knight. For the first time we really get to see it in action and learn that these summoned creatures aren't just mindless minions, but rather avatars that Weiss can control. While she closes her eyes in concentration the knight fights with her style: using glyphs as launching points to attack, the exact move we first got in her trailer.

It's also worth noting Weiss' little smirk while they're getting attacked by freaking wasps that shoot spikes and have a queen that is impervious to dust. It doesn't matter how hard things get. Like Ruby, Weiss just loves the challenge.

Meanwhile RWBY is once again showing that they have a very iffy handle on race issues. People have voiced numerous grievances over the years, from the small (that the racism against faunus is never actually shown--Cardin doesn't count when he's a bully to everyone), to the large (turning the group demanding equality into one of the series' main villains is...not good.) These problems are even more overt with the introduction of Sienna Khan, a tiger faunus who is murdered after just a few minutes of screen time. Her opinion that attacking the schools "crosses a line" and her speech that she wants respect from the humans sets her apart from Adam's radicalism. Yet at the same time including "fear" in what she wants and the implication that she's only refraining from going to war because she might not win... it adds complexity to her motives, complexity that we rarely see in so short a scene. Not that it matters, considering Adam runs her through with his sword seconds later. The fact that Sienna is one of the very few PoCs in RWBY (and a woman to boot) just makes her sudden death all the more cringe-worthy. It wasn't impactful and it hardly seemed necessary. Was I really the only one who thought Adam was already in charge of the White Fang? RWBY's wiki assures me Salem mentioned Sienna once, but it was hardly emphasized. Her loss of power means little when at least some of us didn't realize she had that power to begin with.

Admittedly some fans are already theorizing that Sienna survived (A single stabbing couldn't kill her, right? What's her semblance? Where’s her aura? They didn't have to mention that burial...) but we'll have to wait to find out if Sienna pops back up and spills some blood when they try to put her in the ground. For now Adam lounges on the throne, dreaming of the humans serving him, and Hazel laments that, "Nobody needed to die today." Despite my interest in Hazel and his connection to Oscar, I can't overlook the fact that this is two white men seizing power (and the scene) through violence. It's apt, but not exactly refreshing.

Luckily we don't end with these two. Poor Weiss takes a beating in that crash and the final scene is her waking up, begging two shady-looking men for help. Who should walk over then but Raven. See? Groups are already coming together! Just... not how we wanted.

First the Spring Maiden and now the (former) Schnee heiress. Raven sure does like kidnapping important young women. Sadly we'll have to wait until next week to see how Weiss gets out of this one.

Until then,

<3

Other Details of Note

Watts - "A little birdie told us." You're hilarious, asshole. Please stick around.

Nice change in audio as Salem speaks through the grimm. Her voice echoes a great deal, making her appear even more powerful and threatening than usual.

I appreciated the pilot's skill helping to save Weiss' ass. It's incredibly rare for us to see non-Huntsmen making a difference in combat.

We learn that the White Fang will execute its members if needed. They're no longer just an "activist" organization, but truly creating their own government and rule. Salem is, in many ways, no longer the biggest threat.

Can't help but think that Adam's choice to blame Sienna's death on a human huntsmen will cause serious trouble down the road (as is his intention). The kingdoms are already divided on the huntsman's place within society and having the White Fang hyper-focused on them (as an embodiment of the worst of humanity) certainly won't help.

[renee-f]

I love casual golfer Monty so much and poor Bonnie always getting the short end of the stick.

Wait why do nearly all the glamrocks have scars. Also what is the bonnie incident? Your Nightlight and Sunnydrop are really cute.

We don't talk about the Bonnie Incident......

[oktorpg]

Stop sleeping on the job - Storyline 3 – Together - Part One

= Raven =

My body was once again in pain, the peace I’d felt when I was unconscious had gone, and now was replaced with the same sharp pain in my leg riding up to my hip. And the dull throbbing behind my eyes was back, it was as though someone had a hot needle and had been pushing it into the back of my eye, over and over again. My head starting to have a numbing sensation to it, and it wasn’t the kind that took the pain away. It was the kind which let you know things were not right inside, and you couldn’t see the damage that had been done.

When I closed my eyes, I could recall the place I was in, and the blue forest which had surrounded me. How the beautiful butterflies lit up my path towards where I finally found Finn stood waiting for me. His voice and eyes were still so vivid, with everything he’d said, begging me to stay with him. Asking me to finally allow myself to be at peace and to give up the fight. This in itself I knew too well was telling of the dream I was in and I’d believed at the time to be true.

I didn’t want to be back there, I was content with the choice I’d made to come back and keep fighting, but the longer I was kept in the biolab. The more I wished I was back in the forest.

With the realisation we’d lost the fuel we needed to go to space to make the nightblood, playing on my mind. It felt like I was letting my family down. When I should be with them working out the next steps, I was stuck here unable to leave without consequences.

The beeping sounds of the machines were starting to annoy me. I’d been told to stay in this bed, or they would tie me down to it. But right now, I’d rather the brain melt take me for good, than me having to stay here in this bio lab for another night. Shifting onto my side I glance over to #Luna who was sat on the ground next to my bed with her eyes closed. I could only guess that she once again was in her meditative state of mind.

‘Ai na ai op Yu Reivon’ (I can see you Raven). She whispered in her calming voice. My eyes widened a little at her declaration.

“How is that even possible?” Her lips curled up into a smile as she opened one eye clocking me watching her closely.

‘Ai yu don Ai edei’ ( I have my way ). There was nothing else to it, she had chosen to keep her ( ways ) a secret from me and the rest of us. I knew she found it funny how we all were always taken aback by her skills. She was a stealth ninja in the best possible way.

“Luna, I need to move, to get up from here, these machines are too much for me to handle. I’m going crazy listening to the beeping.” I moved to shift my weight off my good hip, which also had started to hurt because these lab beds were not the most comfortable.

“We need to work out what the next plan is -- ” I drifted off because it was all starting to fall back into place. It was the news of us not having the fuel to take the rocket to space to make the nightblood which caused my seizure and my blackout. I was starting to remember the looks on the faces of the people stood around me as I fell to the ground and then it all went dark.

‘Raven’ She stood up and moved closer to my bed, her hand resting on my shoulder. ‘They are already working on finding the next plan. Abby and Jackson have been working hard to see what the next steps are. And Bellamy, Clarke and the Chancellor are trying to understand the impact of the—’ She stopped short of saying it. ( The impact of me not taking Abby to the space station to make the nightblood ). But it was when she said ‘The Chancellor’ my eyebrows raised, and I moved to sit up.

“Wait, Marcus is here? On the Island? Here?” #Luna’s expression changed a little, she was unsure of what to tell me if I had to guess. “Luna? Jos tell Ai beja” ( Just tell me please ) I wasn’t even sure if I had said it correctly. But I was trying to learn, and she and John had been the ones to teach me.

‘For now you need to rest, we can talk more once you are no longer in pain.’ She places her arms on my shoulders and moved me back to the bed. I wanted to tell her, that there was no day I was without pain. But I knew it would just mean she’d try harder to keep me down. I needed a way out of here, to find out what was going on and to find out how we planned to help everybody now.

(Music: Waves – Dean Lewis )

John pinned me with a reaper stick me again.

“Still sleeping on the job, Reyes.” He gave my hand a squeeze.

“C’mon, you know they can’t solve this without you. You got to come back; we need you.”

“You really do like to make an entrance, don’t you?” he gave a short laugh filled with relief.

= John =

I’d only been gone for a while; I’d gone down to the main floor to meet #Monty; after giving him a short list of things to bring from the house. “Are you sure all of these things are a good idea?” Monty pressed, handing the bag over. “She’s dying Monty, there are no bad ideas. She might as well be comfortable.” I grinned at him. “Thanks.” He looked shocked at the gratitude.

When I came back in I could see Raven had made an escape attempt. “Ha’s honon-de?” I said to #Luna. (How is the prisoner?).

“Em’s trana breik we.” She said without opening her eyes. (She is trying to escape.)

“Tof’melon.” I retorted with a laugh. (Stubborn)

A smile broke across the Zen Master’s face, I set the bag up onto the bed; and pulled out the pillows first, the ones on the beds in the house were much more comfortable than the ones on the lab beds. I stood at the centre of the bed and tapped her waist lightly. “Up.” I said with a grin and when she lifted her hips; I put my hand under her and held her up a little more so I could slip the pillow under her hips. I tried not to touch her arse as I did, because I really didn’t want another slap in the face. I threw the second pillow at her softly to let her make herself comfortable. Next was the blanket from the end of the bed she’d claimed in the house, then a change of clothes.

“#Monty grabbed these so if it’s not your style… well, suck it up; it’s an apocalypse.” I shrugged and set them on the chair by the bed. Then I pulled out the booked she’d read three pages of and abandoned. “Your favourite?” I grinned and then slipped her the ancient-looking tablet. “There’s more on this.” Then I gave her a wide smile and pulled out the music player and some headphones, handing it to her. “Yes, I know… I’m your hero. But we knew this already. Thank me later.”

I tilted the bag up and showed her the bottle of wine in the bottom, I had added to the list; for when Abby finally decided to go to sleep. I winked at her and put the clothes to the side so I could fall back into the chair. “Don’t say I never had your back, Reyes. You’ll be out of here in no time.” I smiled at her, pleased with my attempt at kindness. Considering everything she’d been through since the City of Light the gesture was a drop in the ocean, but it was all I had to offer.

= Raven =

My glance moved towards the door and I wondered just how far I could get before #Luna would tackle me to the ground. Would she do that, or would she just drag me back by my hair? I made myself laugh, moving my eyes to the ceiling. It was becoming a chore just to lay still. And Yet my body was so tired that I could crash if I allowed myself to close my eyes.

The sound of the door opening brought me back to the now, John walking in with a bag in his hands. I frowned a little listening to John and #Luna talking. I didn’t catch the full gist of it, but I wasn’t a fool. I knew they were talking about me. “I. Am. Right. Here!” I scowled towards them both. “And what’s this about a Tough Melon? Isn’t that a fruit from the 21st? Do we have some of that to eat here?”

#Luna stood up laughing again, to join John on the opposite side of the lab bed I was laying on. He looked too pleased with himself.

“What are you up to Murphy?” I question before he started to empty the contents of the bag.

For once I didn’t question him. He said ‘Up’ motioning to my hips, and I did as I was asked. Putting my weight on the good side of my body and the pillow was right there taking the pressure off my spine. Catching the next pillow when he threw it at me, I placed it behind my back to the left side, again taking the stress off me a little. When he placed the blanket over me with some help from #Luna, I was speechless. I recognised it from the bedroom I had been sleeping in. The clothes, the book, the tablet the music and headphones. And the bottle of wine? “Abby will kill us if she sees me drinking that.” I smirked. “When can we open it?”

“Was this your idea Luna?” My eyes moving to her and she shook her head her glance shifting over towards John.

‘It was the Hia Skat’ (Stupid Boy), she said taking a step back away again. I was in shock; John Murphy had taken it upon himself to make things better for me? Was he really here? Or was this a dreamland I was walking in without knowing?

“I am never going as far as to call you my ‘Hero’, but I will ask.. Who are you and where is the real John Murphy? You know, the one who takes pleasure in poisoning my eyes with an onion, or telling me I’m a pain in his arse?”

Once he took a seat, I threw the book at him. “You know there is no way in this lifetime I will read that book. Three pages was enough to make me want to kill myself.” I turned my attention to the tablet to see what Becca had loaded in there, hoping it wasn’t a load of sexist writing, telling girls they needed men to save them.

“This girl knows how to save herself, and the men in her life too.” I mumbled under my breath. “And by the look of it John Murphy, you are going so soft on me. Got my back? Really? You sure you aren’t positioning yourself to kick me on the arse when I’m not looking?” I had to tease him. It would shock him to death if I said a simple ‘Thank you’ at this point.

= John =

“Luck.” I laughed hard. “Melon means Luck . I was expressing my sympathies that she has the poor luck to be stuck with you, Reyes.” I grinned at her.

“I’m just making you more comfortable, so you’ll be less of a pain in my arse.” I smiled. I couldn’t admit that I’d felt bad for making a run for it the minute she was in that bed and surrounded by the others. Seeing her laying there with the sickly sheen on her skin again, almost as pallid as she had been when she’d nearly bled to death courtesy of the Digital Devil… I couldn’t bear it. I still didn’t understand it. Carrying her up those stairs, even though I had helped this time, it was all just too familiar. I wasn’t sure if she knew I’d left yet. But she was going to find out when the others finally had a moment to ask about how the Chancellor got here.

“As soon as the Doc finally gives in and sleeps, we’ll open it.” Her eagerness surrounding the wine was funny. Was it a good idea? Hell no! But a few stray brain cells weren’t going to cause more damage than those fits she was having. And the more relaxed she was the less they happened. I’d seen it by the pool that night. She came close but we managed to steer her onto a different path. Then the day she built her weird moonshine maker, she had made the whole day with only a few small spells of pain and dizziness.

“It was an onion! It happens to everyone. You were a little drama queen about it.” I laughed. “And he's still right here, he’s just trying to give himself an easier life. Don’t go getting used to it.”

I laughed at her complaining about the fickle woman in Becca’s books, we’d had this conversation before. They were nothing like the women that I’d known growing up, living and loving at the whims of the men in their lives. Waiting to be saved, I remember in history they called it the gender gap. It was baffling to all of us; where you smuggled your junk was never a factor on the Ark. You were expected to contribute equally; depending on where you excelled and if you didn’t excel at anything in particular, they found a way to make you useful. I’d managed to get my arse locked up before they could force me into scrub duty like my mother.

“There’s one in there-“ I pointed to the tablet. “Called Cinder. I think it would appeal to you. She has a cybernetic leg and computer chips in her brain.” I smirked and prepared myself to block whatever she was going to throw at me. “And sherescues the Prince.”

= Raven =

The way #Luna’s eyes flickered to John when he stated the meaning of ‘Melon’ told so much. Murphy clearly wasn’t giving the correct translation of it. Making a note to ask her later what it really meant I repeated the word in my mind to memorise it. ‘Tof’melon.’ Rolling my eyes, leaning back into the pillows he’d given me, helped with the pain in my hip and back to subside a little.

“Luna would rather be stuck here with my beautiful face, than having to sit look at your mug for the rest of the evening.” I joked, but I was noticing the energy in my voice was lacking. Taking a moment to pull myself together, I knew I needed to make a better show of feeling ( okay ) if I was going to get my freedom.

“Now, there is the John Murphy we all know.” I wasn’t under any illusions; I knew full well that I’d not been the kindest to him over the time we’d been here. But it was becoming easier for us all to laugh and joke were ever we could find a second or two in the middle of everything that was wrong with this world and our lives. These two had gone from just looking out for me, to now becoming full time guards by the looks of it.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll still find ways to make your life a little difficult as soon as the Zen Master here lets me step a foot off this bed.” My hand had reached out and I wasn’t sure what it was until I threw it at him. Of course, he thought the book about some girl with a cybernetic leg and computer chips in her brain could appeal to me. Then again, maybe it would. But hell, if I was going to let him know I could be into reading it.

I was astonished at how fast #Luna moved sometimes. Like a flash her hand extended out and caught the cup I’d thrown before it hit him.

“Raven, no hitting the nurse. He just did all of this for you. Even if he says he did it for himself and his peace.” #Luna gave John a look, and I wasn’t sure what it was about.

“Now you want me to be nice to him too. Come on. Where is the fun in that? The guy just called me a ‘Drama Queen’ after he clearly tried to kill me.” I teased watching #Luna sitting herself down on the desk cross legged and placing the cup she’d caught by her side.

Looking towards John now again. “You know there is something simple here you both could do to make your life easier.” I gave them my best cheeky smile, and my gaze moved toward the door and the glass wall. I knew there was something happening on the main floor. There had to be.

“Get me off and out of this place. I’m awake. I’m talking and I’m becoming a pain in your arses. All signs point to ( She is Good ).”

My fingers curled around the tablet he’d provided as I spoke, and I scrolled the list until I came across the one, he’d said to read. Cinder by Marissa Meyer. Without really thinking about it I opened the file and read out the first line.

“The screw through cinder’s ankle had rusted, the engraved cross marks worn to a mangled circle...”

= John =

Her sarcasm was nowhere near as convincing as mine. I saw her nestling back into the pillows and smirked a little with self-satisfaction. I couldn’t help the guilt each and every time I saw her dragging that injured leg behind her when the pain was too much for her, now. It had been there before but I was always able to blame that all on Bellamy and the others. If they hadn’t tried to hang me; I wouldn’t have killed those kids and the whole thing that led up to her getting shot wouldn’t have happened. I couldn’t do that anymore, and I couldn’t understand why.

I knew that it wasn’t all me, not anymore. Not since the mountain men drilled a hole into her hip, at the time I thought it was sadistic that they chose that hip when her leg was clearly braced. But now I wondered if maybe it was a blessing. Thinking of when I was helping her on the beach when we got here and how she was able to move faster with someone to lean on, using her good leg to pull herself towards the trees. Maybe one badly damaged leg was better than two moderately damaged ones.

“The more escape attempts you make the longer you’ll be stuck here. You know that right?” I raised my brow at her, but before I could finish the quip #Luna had snatched a cup out of mid-air before I had the chance to process that Raven had thrown it. She was scarily quick. When #Luna set the cup back in front of Raven I just laughed. “And don’t forget to drink plenty of water. I am not giving you alcohol if you’re dehydrated.”

I shook my head at her suggestion about letting her out of here. “I might be able to convince Abby to let you go back to the house in a few hours. But there’s no hope of you getting set loose around the lab anytime soon.”

= Raven =

I wanted to tell him to ‘Jok of’ ( Fuck off ) but I thought better of it. There was no point in trying to play ( nice ), and then to show him that he’d gotten under my skin. Sitting up a little once again I turned to face the two of them. Moving the weight off my hip as I did it. Holding on to the tablet and keeping the pillows in place.

“And now he has gone from being the nurse to becoming the alcohol monitor too?” I rolled my eyes, making a point to lift the empty cup #Luna had put down and turning it upside down. Showing them, it was empty which could only mean that I have drunk the water from within it. “See, Reye’s knows when to behave.” Also, I didn’t know why but I’d been so thirsty since I’d woken up from this ( nap ) of mine. And they still hadn’t told me how long I was out for this time.

“What is the point of me going back home? They need me and my brain here John. There is no time left for us to be wasting babying me when we all need to be getting on with things. Luna said they are working on the backup plan. Or trying to come up with the next thing we all need to do. I can’t help with that if I’m at the house.”

My eyes rolled again, I was frustrated, and I knew it was at the wrong people. Or was it? I’d noticed how protective #Luna had become of me these past few times I took my ( naps ). And John was too I guessed, but really, I could swear that all he wanted was that I not die on his watch. Not that I could blame him for that if it was his motivation. I could see the trust Abby was putting in him these days, and it was changing him and the way he spoke and acted a little. But them He was will the cocky git sat smirking at me just as he was right now.

“Since when did you both become the boring rule followers of the crew here anyway? Wasn’t I the one always trying to keep you in line John?”

= John =

I laughed at her and stood up to refill her cup with water, giving her a look that screamed, DO NOT throw this at me, then I moved back to the chair and took my seat again. I shrugged at her complaint that she couldn’t be useful at the house. “Whatever they are working on is medical… Even your super-brain can’t help with that. It’s not Becca’s formula by the sound of things.”

She was annoyed and frustrated, I couldn’t blame her. To her this was hell, wanting to help and not being able to, or allowed to. But it was necessary to keep her alive. “You do realise you almost died today? And Abby and Jackson have been awake for… far too long.” I couldn’t even guess how long at this stage. “Trying to keep you alive and work on this new plan. So maybe… you should try and think about that. Don’t let them have wasted that time and effort because you don’t feel like staying in bed for a few hours.” I tried not to sound like I was lecturing her. But telling her she needed time to recover wasn’t going to keep her in that bed. But guilt just might.

“You’re calling the man that snuck alcohol to you in your hospital bed, boring? Should I turn the bottle over to Abby?” I raised my brow at her and pointed at the tablet. “Oh… by the way, that thing has no wireless access. So, don’t even try it.” My self-satisfied grin was even wider now.

= Raven =

When he stepped up, I sat up a little, readying myself for whatever pay back he thought he may be able to get away with. But my mouth dropped open a little when he refilled my glass and put it down before me. “You are brave.” He could end up wearing the water if he planned on babying me much longer.

“I may not be able to help with the medical stuff, but I can still read the data.” My eyes moved back towards the door and then to the tablet in my hands.

My face dropped at what I was hearing, how could I have been so foolish not to have known this without having to hear it from him. I glanced to #Luna and her look and body language was in agreement with him too. Abby and #Jackson had been up all that time not just dealing with the crisis at hand but dealing with the burden of keeping my ungrateful arse alive too. And this was how I was repaying them, by complaining about not getting things my way. Rubbing my forehead with the back of my free hand I looked back up to the ceiling trying to work out how long I was out for, because they weren’t telling me.

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and rest my head back down in the pillow. It was soft, clean and comfortable. When my eyes opened again, he had yet another grin on his lips, and I wanted to punch it off his face. “No, I’m calling the guy who wants to tell Abby about the alcohol boring, and the guy who still hasn’t given me a glass of it.” Reaching out I picked up the glass of water. “A boring person would fill this up with water and leave it for me to drink.” Looking into the glass I smirked trying to hide the fact that I hadn’t thought about them when I was being a bitch from hell. “Oh, Look it’s water. And Who filled this glass Luna?” I asked and she points to John. “Bingo!”

I took a sip of the water as the glass was in my hand and then set it down. The bright Idea I’d had only moments ago all shattered the second he told me the tablet wasn’t able to access the wireless in the lab. “You foresaw that didn’t you John? You gave me the tablet knowing I’d try to access the server, and you made sure that it was impossible?” which it really wasn’t but everything I needed to change that, was downstairs on my workstation, which I couldn’t get to thanks to my two bodyguards.

“I swear John Murphy, if you hand that bottle over to Abby. I will kick your arse. You can not bring a girl a gift of wine and then go and hand it over to Mama Bear. That’s just ( wrong ).”

= John =

I could tell by the look in her eyes that something I said had landed. I could see the cogs turning when she realised that other people were also invested in her health, and if she caused herself another episode like this they would be back here doing it all over again.

“You think I want to be that guy?” I asked with a quirked brow. “I told you. When Abby is asleep or distracted we’ll open it. One of them will be in here to check on you soon and if you smell like wine you’ll be busted. Don’t try to out badass the original badass, Reyes. I know what I’m doing here.” I threw my feet up on the end of Raven’s bed and opened the book she had rejected.

“Do you think this is my first day? Pfft!” I screwed up my face and shook my head. “I know better than to give you something you can hack into the lab’s system with. You can try to code your heart out all you want I had #Monty pull out the Wi-Fi chip. The thing is practically useless… Other than the reading material.” I grinned again. “And the selfie camera, of course.” I added with a not-so-serious, serious face.

“Behave yourself and I won’t have to hand anything over to anyone.” I flashed a wicked grin as #Jackson walked into the room with a tablet of his own. ‘Hand what over to who?’ he asked looking from me, to Raven and then #Luna. He spotted the tablet in Raven’s hand. ‘Oh, no, no, no.’ He held out his hand for the tablet.

‘Nice try, Raven.’

“Hey, Doc Lite –“

#Jackson rolled his eyes at the nickname. “It’s fine. I had #Monty make sure all she can do is read.” He gave me a look like he didn’t believe me and spotted the book I had left lying on my chest as I reclined in the chair, my feet still on her bed. ‘Interesting choice.’ He pointed to the picture of a half-naked, very buff man holding his damsel in distress, in a compromising position on the cover. “I’m just getting in touch with my feminine side.” I smiled and he knocked my feet off the bed so he could walk around and start Raven’s exam.

I could see the smile peeking through on #Luna’s face while she tried to look Zen as always. Jackson made his notes and asked his questions. I saw him pause when he noticed the pillows and blanket, he looked directly at me. I tried not to acknowledge the look. ‘You’re sure about the tablet?’ He asked as he got ready to leave.

“I have #Monty’s solemn nerd oath that the thing is completely worthless. It’s almost as analogue as this.” I picked up the book and waved it at him, he rolled his eyes at me and left the room.

“Nice poker face Zen Master!” I laughed and rolled my eyes.

“Poko feis?” (Poker face) #Luna looked confused. “Slip… face?” she wrinkled up her nose in concentration and I burst out laughing.

= Raven =

“Do you really want me to answer that question and tell you ( what ) guy you are John?” With the roll of my eyes I didn’t push on the need for the wine. Really, I didn’t want a drink, it was more from the boredom and the need to do something to take my mind to another place. The Blue forest was still trying to seep back into my head and whatever happened I didn’t want my mind to go there right now.

“You can be a real arse sometimes John, you do know, that right? What am I meant to do with a Selfie Camera, and while I’m at it. What the Fuck is a Selfie Camera?” I wasn’t joking, my gaze was on the tablet and I couldn’t believe he had the foresight to think that far ahead. “How did you even know how to ask Monty to remove the chip? I mean. If I didn’t know you better, I’d be a little impressed by this.”

I muttered under my breath about never finding the need to behave these days. What was the point if I was in my final days on the planet? But I kept those thoughts to myself, with all these guys had put into keeping me alive. I’d noticed that #Luna and John didn’t take kindly to the jokes about my death these days. My train of thought was interrupted with the glass door opening and #Jackson coming in. once again I rolled my eyes.

“Hell Jax, not you too. I thought you and I had an understanding man?” He smiled once he made it past John and his legs hanging on my bed and stood beside me. ‘Not if it means you will have another one of your ( naps ) as you call them Rey, we can’t afford to let you have too much fun with tech.’

Out of the corner of my eyes I saw the satisfied grins, and eye contact the two bodyguards were sharing as #Jackson did my work up. The same tests that Abby had John do three or four times a day. The questions still hadn’t changed but now my answer was “You tell me” because it was all a blank for me as to how long I was out, if I was seeing things, was I hearing things. Had I wanted to harm anyone? To the last question my reply had been “Does wanting to Kill John count?” Which made #Jackson laugh and then he was happy with the service the bodyguards were providing me.

“Of all the things in the world, what is up with you both?” I eye them once the door was closed. You’re both having too much fun torturing me here!”

= John =

I didn’t acknowledge her question about whether I wanted her answer or not, I knew her opinion was somewhat biased. And #Jackson’s arrival had validated my argument for me. Her next question was just insulting. I rolled my eyes at her. “Hey, I may not be a tech genius, but I’m not completely thick either.”

#Jackson gave me a look when she asked about wanting to kill me. I rolled my eyes again, hard and turned to him. “I think she’s on the mend Doc Lite. That’s pretty much her baseline mood.” I run my hand through the air in a straight line. When he leaves, I control my laughter at Luna’s misunderstanding? “Looks like you still have some Gonasleng to learn Wise One.” I give her a grin. But I didn’t elaborate on what poker-face actually meant.

“Oh! And to answer your question from earlier.” I smiled and moved over to Raven’s bed, abandoning the book I’d only pretended to read, tapping the camera icon on the tablet, showing Raven her own face. Then I dared to shove mine into the frame and grin before I tapped the shutter. “That’s a selfie camera.” I laughed. “These people really liked to look at themselves.”

I turned my back to the window and took out the of bottle wine and uncorked it with the Swiss army knife I’d lifted from a traveller during my days on the road with Emori. She’d always been of the opinion ‘the bigger the better’ when it came to knives. I picked up three of the white cups stacked by the bed so we couldn’t be caught from afar with the dark red, elicit substance and filled them, handing one to Raven. “As promised.” I grinned and tucked the bottle into the cupboard below the bedside table.

I handed the other cup to #Luna who shook her head. I left it next to her on the floor. “Don’t be a buzz kill! Have a drink; I doubt one could dull those keen reflexes of yours.” I picked up the music player from the side of Raven’s bed and unplugged the headphones; I scrolled through and took my time selecting a song as I sipped the wine. Then set it aside with the volume up halfway.

(Music – Anew by Hollow Covers )

= Raven =

“Somebody has been paying attention to the nerds while being stuck with them I can see.” I gave them both a smile. Seeing them joking with one another wasn’t rare anymore. We’d moved on from always trying to kill and snap, to now and then allowing ourselves to joke and have a laugh. I called it taking the small wins. Sometimes when we cannot stop the madness all around us. We had to take the small moments between us all and make the most of them.

The Zen Master was still smiling, which was a sign that she wasn’t as worried after #Jackson came to check on me. She let herself relax.

“No matter how much the ( Wise One ) has to learn. This Truth Teller isn’t going to be far to point it out to her.” I spoke to #Luna and pointed towards John who was walking up to my bed again now. “Always there to tell us what we don’t know. He thinks he is so clever.” I teased but I hoped they could see I didn’t mean it.

Shifting away a little when he lent in to play with the tablet, I raised my eyebrow watching him tabbing the screen and it came alive. He moved in again and I frowned at him and when I looked back that was the image on the screen. I laughed turning it over to show #Luna and she shook her head. ‘People were vain back then.’

“Finally starting to keep your word John. You are really trying to kill Luna and I with shock here tonight.” Taking the wine from him. I played with the glass, watching him again. The sounds of the monitors had been lowered so the beeping wasn’t as prominent. I took a sip from the glass, the music started to play and #Luna stood up. Picking up the glass beside her ‘Oso gonplei nou ste oden’ ( our fight will never be over ). She held the glass up and took a drink, walking around pulling John with her. ‘We need a selfie’.

I didn’t know if that was a good thing ( Our fight will never be over ). She was saying we should keep fighting, and I had Finn in my head telling me to give up and rest. How different it was all. From the land of my dreams to my reality.

Laughing I did as the Zen Master asked and tabbed the camera. “I can’t believe this is what my life has come to.” When I saw the three of us in the frame, I hit the shutter and there was a still of my bodyguards and I looking back at us. “Locked down in the moment.” I smiled looking at it and listening to the music.

From the far side of the lab, where the lights had gone dim, I saw movement. I knew there was nobody else here with us. But I could also swear that somebody had been stood there watching the three of us. Closing my eyes tight, I felt the two of them moving away again and I push the light dull pain from my eyes back as far as I could. I knew how to hide it well now. Taking another sip from the glass I put on a smile again.

“Got to give it to you John. You know how to find a good song.”

= John =

I roll my eyes again and laugh. Fuck, this girl was rubbing off on me. “No wonder your brain is melting, Reyes. I’ve rolled my eyes more in the last ten minutes than I have in my life and my eyes are hurting already... It’s a miracle you survived this long.” I teased her. #Luna was chilling out a little; I even saw her take a drink of the wine. She pulled me into the frame, and I didn’t resist. I seemed to spend all of my time with these women lately. When I wasn’t sneaking off the Island to covertly transport Chancellors from the mainland to be assaulted and used as human guinea pigs. But it seemed right to commemorate Raven’s survival; even if she was choosing to be blind to how close to death she’d come. But honestly, I knew Abby would never let that experiment happen, she wasn’t the mad scientist type. And #Jackson… he doesn’t have the balls to try something like that without a direct order.

“You’re starting to look human again Raven.” I grinned and straightened up. My eyes followed the quick flit of hers. She thought she hid so well, but I didn’t miss much. There was nothing there. “I had a lot of time with nothing more than #Becca’s music and crappy books for company. Certain ones stick in your mind. At least she had pretty good taste in music.” I hadn’t meant to bring that up, I felt my insides clench and pull in to try and make myself smaller at the thought of my confinement. But I shook it off quickly.

I held up my glass to them both and proposed a toast. “Gon kiken thru.” (To surviving.)

“Gon kiken raun.” (To life.) #Luna corrected me, I laughed but nodded and tapped my glass to hers and then Raven’s and repeated after her.

“Gon kiken raun.”

= Raven =

“Only because you are nowhere close to being a pro at the eye rolling thing.” And to prove the point I give him and #Luna an extra special eye roll with a flourish. #Luna smiled at me with another sip from her glass and gave me a ( Zen Master ) eye roll. “Somebody else just joined my club.”

Tilting my neck to the side I shook off the sensation of the dreamland or the darkness as #Luna called it. My eyes concentrating on the flash of a small light from a monitor across the room, once again there was movement to the side of me and once again, I knew nobody was here but the two hovering around my bed.

“That’s me.” Pointing my finger to myself and waving it over my head. “Didn’t you know I’m a miracle all around? You both should rub my arm and see if it washes off on you.” I mused with yet another eye roll. “Crap! I do, do these a lot.” Nine out of ten times, I didn’t even know they were happening. It was just my body’s ( Go To ) when dealing with all the A Team and some of the questions and ideas they would come up with.

My eyes moved from the light I was using to steady my mind towards him when he spoke of being in confinement, letting the comment about me looking ( human ) again go. ‘You survived it John, that’s the thing you need to keep reminding yourself’ #Luna had of course picked up on his discomfort too.

“Gon kiken raun.” (To life.) I called out to change the subject, I didn’t know much about John. But I knew he didn’t really like to talk about his time in the bunker on this island. I didn’t respect much when it came to keeping crap to yourself, being a believer in sharing can help us move past it all. But then again, I wasn’t great at taking my own advice when it came to these things.

“As far as I know, I just toasted to having Great Sex!” I joked lifting my glass to theirs before taking a sip myself. The gaze from #Luna was priceless, and I burst out laughing. “It was a joke Zen Master.” She smirked at me.

“Don’t let Jas hear me say this again, but this wine is much better than the shine they make.” Looking into the glass and taking another sip from it. My eyes flickered towards the glass door once again.

I knew so much had to be taking place out there and down the steps, and here I was stuck in this place drinking wine and listening to music which was over a hundred years old. And both things weren’t bad to have to pass the time. Pulling the blanket up a little when a shiver passed over my skin.

“May I have some more?” Holding out the close to empty glass. “I may have drunk that one a little too fast.”

= John =

“Should we start calling you The Miracle Girl now?” I laughed and looked at #Luna. “What was that word? Nemiyon.” She nodded. “Nemiyon Gada.” (Miracle Girl). I took another sip from my cup. I didn’t want to get drunk tonight, after what I saw earlier with Kane and Abby anything could kick off. Plus, I wasn’t sure if Raven would have any more fits or seizures.

“Take it from the guy that had to sedate you again, and then carry you up those bloody stairs… I do not want that kind of luck.” I wondered if maybe that was why she kept tilting her head and moving her neck. I hadn’t exactly been gentle, I was only thinking about getting her the dose as fast as possible before she hurt herself. I moved over to her again and leaned in to look at the small bruise on her neck; the needle mark was hardly visible. “Is your neck hurting? You should have mentioned that to Doc Lite before he left.”

#Luna’s words about ‘surviving it’ stung. She had no idea why they had finally let me out; sometimes I still felt the cold press of the revolver to my chin. I only acknowledged the words with a slight nod of my head. I shook it off and laughed, choking on some wine when Raven made her ‘Good Sex’ comment. “It’s a toast to life, Raven.” #Luna said with an unreadable expression when Raven laughed, so did she. She was loosening up. And Raven’s cheeks had more colour now too. I had to agree with her about the wine, it tasted a lot better.

“It’s a pity you have to drink so much to get buzzed though. The moonshine goes straight for the brain cells.” I took her glass and crouched in front of the cupboard I had hidden the wine in, so I didn’t have to lift it out. Just in case someone came by… I poured her a glass. I was still working on my first. “You cheated death today, Reyes. You earned it.”

I handed her the cup and the next song started to play and I knew she’d remember it; I played it while I was cooking a lot but this one was a little bit different.

(Music: War of Hearts (Acoustic Version) · Ruelle )

= Raven =

“I do believe I could live with that as a new title. Nemiyon Gada.” I say the words a few times, each in a different way making #Luna laugh at what I was doing. It in turn made me whisper to myself “Small wins” Taking the glass of wine from him I smiled taking a sip from it.

My jaw clenched a little when he mentioned the need to sedate me again, from nowhere the anger flushed over me and there was that voice in my head saying, ‘He was trying to hurt you’. The first time he did it I didn’t have a choice in the matter, but he knew how that stuff made me feel.

“You Reaper Sticked Me Again Murphy?” My voice a little louder than I intended it to be, but I didn’t have control of it at the same time. Sitting up a little in the bed again I turned to the side where he was checking my neck and I punched his arm. It wasn’t hard, but only because I didn’t have the energy to spare right now.

“You know how that crap makes me feel. It was probably the reason for the dreamland and all the shit I lived--” I stopped; in my tirade I’d said too much. I had no plans to share where I’d gone or what I’d seen with anybody. They would all think I was losing my mind.

‘Raven! Stop.’ #Luna was on her feet again. ‘He was trying to help you. This isn’t you right now, I can see the darkness in your eyes’. She stood beside John and I lowered my hand.

“—I’ll live. It’s only a little sore, the discomfort should be gone in a couple of days. You may have hit me on an angle which is why it still feels like something is sticking me in there.” Rubbing my fingers over my neck when he moved back, I shook my head a little. “No, not telling Jax a thing. It’ll become another reason for them to keep me locked up when I don’t need to be.”

Frowning at myself my glance moved to John. I’d gone and done it again. He’d tried to save me, carried me up the steps to the biolab. “I’m sorry. That was ungrateful of me. I really am sorry for that John. Forgive me?”

Rubbing my free hand over my forehead my frown changed as the song started to play and I knew it. The words washed over me the same way they did the first time I’d heard them. It was the first time I’d gone to the mansion with John and #Luna. That was the time when #Luna had been drained from a day at the lab giving blood. John had put this song on. “I know this song… But it sounds different.” The anger was disappearing, and my body was relaxing again, as I listened remembering #Luna asleep on the couch next to the kitchen, and John dancing and cooking. And I started to whisper the words as I remember.

“Stay with me a little longer, I will wait for you, Shadows creep, and want grows stronger, Deeper than the truth. I can't help but love you. Even though I try not to, I can't help but want you, I know that I'd die without you.”

#Luna placed her hand on my shoulder, and I knew shame filled my eyes not looking at John.

= John =

"I had no ch-"

I was cut off by her punch; I was caught a little off guard. But, mostly I worried at how weak the punch was. #Luna was on her feet next to me, quickly and I just shook my head at her, trying to silently tell her it was okay. I knew it was her mind working faster than her body could process, or at least that's what I was telling myself.

Her comment about a 'Dreamland' didn't go unnoticed. I knew she was dreaming. The brainwave monitor had shown it. But I wasn't going to ask her about it now, I didn't want to stress her out, or send her back off to this dreamland of hers.

I smiled at her when she apologized and chuckled a little when she asked for my forgiveness… until I saw her face. She was serious, my eyes dropped for a second. "Don't worry about it, Raven. I hardly felt it. You still aren't back to your usual arse-kicking self." I laughed. I knew #Luna was concerned with the deeper meaning of why she was lashing out. But sometimes that was just what we needed to do. "And #Jackson won't keep you here for a bruise on your neck." I couldn't help but smirk and tease her. "Just tell him it's a perfectly circular hickey."

I laughed when she recognised the song. "Yeah, it’s the one I played after your first seizure. They call this the acoustic version."

I could see her beating herself up still. I stepped up right next to the bed and caught her hazel gaze. "Raven. Seriously, it's okay. I know it's not really you; you'll get this under control. You will." I lifted the glass and took a longer drink than I had been taking tonight.

= Raven =

#Luna walked closer to me now, slowly moving my legs to the side being careful not to hurt me. She climbed up on to the bottom of the bed and sat with her legs crossed under herself. The glass of wine in her hand, and her eyes not once leaving me. I knew she was searching my eyes for whatever it was that gave her the heads up that I was going to the place of darkness.

I knew I’d messed up with one stupid knee jerk reaction, my mind not being able to control my emotions as well as it should, and with so much around me being processed so fast, and without the ability for me to think clearly. I should have known that these actions of mine like any other had the equal and opposite reaction, anything to even out the universes, just this time it wasn’t from me. All John had done to make #Luna relax had been destroyed by me in a split moment. I was the one who was now impacting #Luna and John, and not in a positive way at all.

Closing my eyes, I listen to the music play and the words somehow were able to ground me in a way I didn’t think it was possible. The next time I opened my eyes, I saw how #Luna’s shoulders relaxed and she took a sip from her glass.

“John the point is not that you can handle it. The point is that I swore to myself that I wouldn’t lash out at yo—” I stopped and corrected myself. “—That I wouldn’t lash out at anybody because of this.” I tapped the side of my head.

‘What is a ( hickey )?’ #Luna asks with confusion on her face, and her eyebrows pulled together.

Turning my attention fully towards John, the hint of a smile playing on my lips. “Yes, Branwoda goufa ( Foolish child), What is this hickey you speak of?” feigning ignorance. If he was the one who had the ( bright ) ideas, and cocky comments, he could be the one to explain them to the Wise One.

= John =

I watched #Luna and Raven have their silent conversation; I’d had some similar ones with her myself. She had a way of making you see things you never would have before, without saying a word. Almost like she could plant a seed of an idea in your mind and then sit there and watched it grow. She did it only yesterday at the dinner table when Raven was insisting, I had a thing for #Luna.

One look from the Zen Master had sent my mind into a tailspin and Raven came so close to a seizure while I went off to deal with the madness in my head. I knew then; I needed to cop on and focus on the job Abby had given me. It wasn’t even a full day later when I failed at that and ran the second things went bad, again.

As soon as I knew she was in the bed and surrounded by her friends; I just left.

“You stopped yourself from hitting me in the face, right?” I smiled at her, trying to make her feel better about it. This thing was killing her; it wasn’t going to be easy to learn to control it. She probably wouldn’t before it finally… I stopped the thought before it fully formed. The idea of this thing killing her was strangely unbearable. “You’re getting there. You’ll get it under control.”

I lifted my glass to my lips and took another long drink; only to spit it out the second #Luna voiced her question. I covered my mouth with my hand, the dark red liquid running over my chin and my fingers. I wiped my mouth on my sleeve and my hand on my pants.

“Ai nou bilaik goufa, skaipeka.” I teased her. (I’m no child, Little Bird.)

I laughed and leaned in close to #Luna’s ear and whispered what a hickey was. She wrinkled up her nose like she didn’t know what I was talking about. And I wondered for a moment if her peace-loving lifestyle was also a celibate one. I took another drink, waiting to see if she’d work it out.

“You mean hefsticka?” She turned to me with a little smirk, and yet again I spat wine. Translating the bastardized version of English, the word man and brand stuck together is what they called a hickey?

“Seriously? That’s what you call it?” I laughed hard and #Luna just shrugged. I turned to Raven and explained.

“It means Man-brand… It’s apt… I suppose.” I couldn’t stop laughing.

= Raven =

“Only because your face was too far of a stretch for me to reach without falling out of the bed.” I teased with a small grin on my lips as I took a sip from my glass.

The tension in the room had changed once again in the blink of an eye. And yet there was more in his eyes then he was letting on. His words said, ‘You’ll get it under control’ and yet his eyes said something completely different. Here was a skill I was slowly picking up from #Luna. ‘Read the eyes’ she’d told me, ‘Words don’t always tell the full story.’ And how right she’d been when it came to me, and now John too.

Moving the pillow from under my hip I placed it over my lap. Putting the tablet on top of it with the book still open which I would read at some point I was sure. John had changed the back to the bed so that I could sit up taking the pressure off my hip all together for now. I sat sipping on the wine much slower this time, I knew I’d have a fight on my hands if I asked for another glass, so I needed to make this one last for now.

The dull throb behind my eyes was slowly coming back, which meant that the drugs #Jackson had giving me were starting to wear off. But I made sure not to let John and #Luna see the change in my ( pain free mask ). I watched the two of them talk and laughed with them. But my mind was on the shadow at the far side of the room in the darkness looking at us. I wanted to go and see what it was, but I knew that wasn’t going to be possible right no.

#Luna’s voice brought me back from the far side of the room to the conversation they were sharing, and I laugh. “John!” Covering my face when he spat the wine out and it was all over him, but specks of it fell on me too. “Take a step back if you are planning on showering us both with wine here.” But it was funny to see reaction.

It took me a moment for two to gather and re-join and understand what it was that I’d missed when I zoned out. Remining myself ( Hickeys ) we were talking about hickeys when I zoned out. “Skaipeka?” I asked

#Luna jumped in. ‘You know this one Raven; he has called you this a few times now.’

I think a little as John cleans himself up. And then I rolled my eyes when I remember what #Luna had told me it meant. “Little Bird?”

She laughed again. ‘Yes’

I felt a little proud of myself for remembering the word but then they both lost me again with ‘Hefsticka’ Until John sap out his wine again and this time both #Luna and I laughed so hard that tears were rolling. In the moment I told myself again ( Small Wins ). In all the madness, sadness and the world coming to an end. These two had found a way to me and themselves laugh.

“Wait a minute, is it the same is a girl gives a guy a Hefsticka?” I asked wiping my eyes, seeing wine dripping from Johns mouth down his chin. It can’t be a ( Man-brand ) if I’m giving it to somebody right? Or is it that same thing?” And Yes, I knew it when I said it. They world as we knew it was coming to an end. And I wanted to know now what a ( Hickey ) was called if a girl gave one to a guy. Like I keep saying ( Small Wins ). The music changed as the next song started to play.

(Music: Fleurie -Chasing All the Stars )

= John =

I laughed; she was almost herself again, making sarcastic jokes and slightly hollow threats. I knew there still a chance I’d get a slap. Maybe not like the ones where her intentions were hijacked by the Darkness as #Luna called. Just a good, old fashioned smack upside the head.

I just laughed and said “Whoops!” with a shrug of my shoulder when I accidentally spat wine on Raven. It was #Luna’s fault anyway. I grinned at the Trig lesson happening in front of me. “Keep this up and there’ll be no more secret conversations #Luna.” I remembered talking to her about Raven in front of #Jackson. Then it hits me that I just gave Raven’s theory that I fancied the Zen Master more ammunition. I shook it off, it wasn’t important.

Seeing them both laughing was great. I took it to mean I was doing my job well; keeping Raven relaxed and distracted yesterday seemed to help manage her pain, or at least make her think of something else. Even when she did finally get her hands on the computers and start coding, she still didn’t seize.

“Most of their language is very male-dominated.” I was thinking out loud. “Which is kind of strange; because they seem to prefer female leaders, the words don’t change for male and female. Like ‘Em’ means he and she…” I cleared my throat and stopped talking; I was giving away more than I normally would, so I refilled my wine again, hoping they’d not paid attention.

I’d forgotten that song was on the device. The first verse had never really caught my attention until now.

“There's a letter sealed and unopened for you.

All the words that I can't seem to get out in person

I'm bad with that but you know that all too well

There's a moment set aside for you”

Something Luna had said about listening and looking inside came back to me. There were a lot of thoughts and feelings in my head I didn’t even have words to describe to myself, let alone to say out loud. It was maddening, feeling like I didn’t know my own mind. But then I’d think of Raven, and I knew if you multiplied mine by a thousand it still wouldn’t come close.

= Raven =

My ears plucked up and my lips curled up into a big trouble making grin. “Secret conversations you say? And how often would you say, you like to have these ( secret conversations ) with our good-looking Zen Master over here?” I teased, because I knew it. He did have a soft spot for #Luna, he was just fighting it.

#Luna smirked with an eye roll, watching me at the same time as looking at John and whispered ‘Tu krei koken kru’ ( Two very crazy people )

Bringing my glass up to my lips I take a long slow sloppy drink from it, but before I was really done I choked at the way #Luna rolled her eyes at me and I was now the one spitting out the wine. Just managing to save myself from splattering out over John and #Luna.

Before #Luna and I could say anything, our full attention was on John. “John Murphy? Have you been taking notes while Luna has been giving the rest of us lessons?” I asked wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

‘For somebody who said he didn’t care to learn, you know a lot about my language Mofi (Murphy)’ #Luna sat leaning back a little, resting the weight of her body onto her hand resting on the bed behind her.

“This only means that he’s been keeping it a secret just how much of your language he can speak and understand Luna. I do believe the boy is maybe trying to impress you.” I tease.

“He has some—” I had to think back a little to the word. “-- Tof’melon?” I asked, “That is tough luck, right? Letting it all slip like this in front of us now.” Laughing now I held my glass out towards him when he was filling his and #Luna did the same.

“More please?” We both gave him the most innocent of looks we could muster between the two of us. Two was most definitely better than one right now. I could even get used to the tables turning and for once we are tag teaming him. And not the two of them ganging up on me.

I didn’t even know I was doing it, but I started to hum along to the song. I didn’t know it or the words, but they were sinking in as I listened and they were resonating with some part of me, that calm was washing over me again. When I looked across the room the shadow was gone for now.

= John =

“Every time you piss me off.” I offer her an expert eye roll at her question. “Or when you try to kill yourself, or when #Jackson and Bellamy are around.” I chuckled, I knew it annoyed those two that I was better at this than they were, it amused me.

There wasn’t a lot to amuse yourself with around here. I was a people watcher. But there weren’t many of us here, and the ones that were… were predictable. Other than Raven, and apparently Abby after that slap she dished out.

“Yu shak op twin bigwoda en osir koken?” I laughed hard. (You live in the middle of the ocean and we’re the crazy ones?)

I smiled at them both and shook my head, laughing when Raven spat her wine now too. “I don’t need lessons. I’m a survivor, I pick up what I need to get by.” She was definitely still on the #Luna thing. I took a mouthful from my cup.

“I’m impressive without trying, Reyes.” I quirked a brow at her, taking her cup to refill it, then #Luna’s. They flashed the doe eyes at me like I was the alcohol monitor and I toyed with the idea of being a buzzkill. But, Raven was relaxed right now, she wasn’t wasted or drinking too fast so I didn’t see why not. She’d almost died; she might as well live a little while she could.

My eyes followed Raven’s to the same corner again as I handed #Luna her wine. I was hyper-aware of it now, especially after the Doc’s episode earlier.

= Raven =

There was a light buzz glowing in my head, a few glasses of the wine and there was a feeling of freedom. I didn’t want to think of the Blue forest out here with people around me, and yet I couldn’t help it too. This was the same way I’d felt when I was in there. The sensation of calm had washed over me, and it felt like the weight I’d been carrying around with me was gone.

The sound of their laughter pulled me back and my glass was full once again. John looked at ease and Luna looked relaxed once again too. “That’s just boring, I was hoping there were some sweet nothings being said in a different language.” #Luna rolled her eyes once again, and I smirked at her and him.

“Impressive? Is that what we are calling your key skills now John? I mean the MasterChef thing and now the added Nursing skills, you are a sort after guy.” I smiled taking another sip from the now full glass.

“We can get three goats and maybe, if we barter well even a buffalo for him Raven” Luna laughed hard and hit the side of her thigh as she sat cross legged.

“Oh Wow? Really? I wouldn’t have asked for more that maybe one goat, it’s a good thing the Zen Master knows your true worth here John.” Winking over at him, I moved to rest back and stretched out my good leg. The bad one was in place and I was happy to leave it were it was laying. “But it would mean that we’ll have to eat porridge Abby makes and maybe if we are lucky some kind of slop.”

Reaching out I grabs the arm of his shirt. “Please Wise One… Can we keep him a little longer? Just a day or two?” I couldn’t believe I was able to joke and laugh. But it was all in the small wins that made the fight worth it in the end.

= John =

I took another mouthful, rolled my eyes at her and shook my head. It irked me more than it should. But part of me wondered if it was better to let her keep thinking that as opposed to having insight into the other crazy things in my head. At least this little fantasy of hers kept her distracted.

“Careful Reyes.” I gave her a cocky look. “Anyone would start to think you were jealous.” I laughed at her comment about my nursing skills. “Yeah well… someone has to keep you from working yourself into the ground and judging by the way the Dream Team were manhandling you back into bed earlier -- ” I shook my head. “You’d swear they’d never even met you.” Simply telling Raven that she needed to stay in bed wasn’t going to work; I’d been there and done that. I failed. But I learned, they didn’t seem to get the message.

I smiled at #Luna when she talked about my worth. “At least she knows a good thing when she sees it.” I laughed and stood by the bed as she fidgeted a little. “So, you’re only willing to keep me around for food… not the fact that I’ve saved your life how many times now? Three? And that’s not counting the seizures you didn’t have because of me.”

It was strange that she reached out and grabbed me like that. Lately, anytime her hand came in my direction I assumed I was going to get hit, even if it was just a small irritated slap. I stood next to her bed and looked at the way she was laying.

“Are you comfortable? Want to try getting out of the bed for a little while?” I glanced over at the chair next to the bed. I knew it wasn’t much, I figured if I offered an alternative when she wasn’t fighting me on everything, maybe she’d stop looking at me like I was her jailer.

= Raven =

Choking on my wine again. “Are you trying to kill me now? After everything you and Luna have done to keep me alive John?” Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

“What is there for me to be jealous of?” I half laughed, “I have no skin in this game.” I pointed between the two of them with a raise of my eyebrow suggesting they should jump before the world was over. “It’s because ( she knows a good thing when she sees it) as you put it so well, that I am saying this.” Waggling my eyebrows, I took another sip from my glass.

That cocky look he always gave me was back and oh how I wanted to punch it. But I was past that. I had ( grown ), gotten better at controlling myself. ( Or at least that was what I wanted to believe. )

‘Branwoda gada, taim jos Yu don get in’ ( Foolish Girl, if only you knew ). #Luna took another sip from her glass, but her eyes were on John now. I looked up at him confused, I’d worked out the first part of it. She was calling me Foolish, and I could give her that one. Hells I’d been called a lot worse in my time. But the rest was a pass for me.

Leaning into John, he’d moved closer and I was still holding his sleeve. I whispered knowing full well she could hear me. “What did she just call me? Foolish and then?”

I shifted letting his arm go now, I knew I was all over the place before. For Abby, John #Jackson and #Luna seeing me after my ( naps ) wasn’t something new. By now they all knew what was happening to me. But for the rest of the crew. The so called ( Dream Team ) as Jasper would call us. They didn’t know how to help or what to do. The more they tried to help, the more it was getting to me. I felt like the walls were closing in on me and I pushed out at them. Not one of my finest moments in time.

‘John, Emo jos gaf in bilaik hir gon em’ ( John, they only want to be here for her) #Luna moved a little forward resting her hand in her lap, holding her glass. And she smiled towards me.

I held my hand out towards him to say I was fine, until he spoke of me getting out of the bed. Sitting up right away, giving my head a dizzy spin, I stopped. Stilling myself enough to hold out the tablet on my lap and the glass of wine.

“Yes! You are right. I need out of this bed. It’s so uncomfortable!” Anything to move a step closer to the glass doors and the downstairs. “Have you seen my brace?” Somebody had removed it from my leg, and I couldn’t see it in my eyeline.

= John =

She choked again and I laughed. But at the very least what she had to say next was proof I wasn’t the only one losing my mind. She always found a way to spin my words, but I didn’t contradict her. The words were there, trying to escape and let her know in terms that couldn’t be misunderstood; I had no interest in Luna; it was my job to look after her.

But that wasn’t exactly true either, I wanted to make sure they were both okay; but if I let myself think that; I’d run.

Abby gave me a job, she trusted me to do it and so far, my screw-ups didn’t kill anyone.

She flashed a cocky grin and I laughed because it was a new look on her, she was enjoying this too much, but I laughed despite myself. Luna’s words made my eyes shoot towards Raven, searching for understanding in her expression. “Luna… Beja, jos kilr en of.” (Please, just let it go.) Luna looked down into her cup for a second; this woman was too insightful for her own good… and mine.

“Basically, she said you’re way off.” I took another swig from the cup. “And I have to agree, the Zen Master’s only love is the sea.”

Luckily it seemed like the distraction of getting out of the bed had put it out of her head. I shook my head when she asked about her brace. “What do you think this is… my first day? The minute you get that back there’s no hope of stopping you getting out of here.”

“if you want out you need to let me help you.” I gave her a look that said I wasn’t joking. “And that goes for with, or without your brace; Abby will kill me for letting you out of the bed at all.” I moved the blanket down two her knees and stand next to the bed holding out my arms, offering to lift her out and lower her into the chair right next to me.

But I waited to give her the option to tell me to fuck off. “It’s not like it’s the first time; just the first time while you’re conscious.” I was curious if her desire to get out of this bed was strong enough to accept my help.

= Raven =

I wanted to knock his hand away from me. I didn’t need his help. Who the hells did they think I was? Out of nowhere rage built up in me and my jaw clenched hard. My eyes narrowed and I was seeing red again. That voice in the back of my head whispering ‘You are their prisoner’, playing on repeat. I wasn’t sure what it was that kicked it into play. The fact that he was offering to help me like I was an invalid, or that they had taken the one thing from me that would allow me my freedom from this place?

‘Reivon’ (Raven ), Her voice was a whisper, and I didn’t dare look at her or him right now. ‘Taim Lufa au tiya Yo en’ (Look inside yourself.) Of course, she saw it. she picked up on the change in me before I knew what was happening at times.

“I know, I’m trying.” I whispered back and pushed the shadows and the voice away. Whispering to myself “You aren’t real. This is real.” My hand fisting up into the side of the bio bed. This thing wasn’t going to get the better of me. I wasn’t going to let it or me strike out at the people who had been trying to help me. I knew if I hit him again, I’d not forgive myself.

Finally, when I looked up to see them both, my eyes were mine again. “I’m sorry” I whispered when I knew my voice was my own too. But still seeing his hand out to help me, it was hard for me to take it. I knew this wasn’t the first time. He’d carried me a number of times. Hells he’d carried me and ran from the Devil in the Red Dress in Arkadia. The way he helped to save me on the beach when we arrived. The number of times he saved me from myself when I was over working my melting brain. And All he got for it in return was verbal and physical abuse.

“Thank you” I had to bite back everything in me that said, ‘You don’t need help from anybody.’ To reach out my hand and put it in his.

= John =

I knew she hated it, I would too if our places were switched. She almost died, she needed to take the help but, I hope that getting out of this bed even for a little while would give her a bit of a boost and make her feel like she wasn't just a patient. She was whispering to herself again… my eyes shot to Luna to see if she had noticed it too. Her eyes were glued to her, so I assumed she had.

"It’s okay." I whispered to her, taking her cup to set it aside. "You'll be back on you're own two feet before you know it, Reyes." I took her hand when she reached for mine, slipped my other under her knees to help her swing them over the side of the bed. It was shocking how much easier it was to pick her up when she was awake, it was like she weighed half as much, she was a tiny little thing... but unconscious humans no matter how compact; were not easy to carry.

I had to turn my head to the side, she was sitting up and awake, having my face too close to hers felt like an invasion of her space. Especially when she was already feeling like she was being held prisoner.

"Luna grab the I.V. st -- " I stopped she wouldn't understand, so I just nodded towards the stand. "That around this side of the bed, please." Luna climbed off of the bed and moved around the head of it pushing the stand and lifting the tubes, so they didn't catch on anything, she left it next to the chair.

"I'll ask Abby what they did with your brace," I said as a turned us both, and eased her down let her feet touch the floor even though I didn't let her put any weight down. I ease her into the chair, which I couldn't do without leaning over her and really getting in her face. I muttered.

"Sorry" and stepped back, clearing my throat. I picked up her wine again and handed it to her. When I looked at her sat there still not able to get up and move around freely, I realised how ridiculous the idea was, this was just a different view of the same prison. But I forced a smile.

"See... One step closer to freedom."

The music changed on the device still laying in the bed.

( Music: Demons (Philosophical Sessions)

= Raven =

The Feeling of helplessness is one I wouldn’t wish upon anybody, not even my worst enemy. I know everybody told me that I was strong and that the damage to my hip and leg had done nothing to stop me. But imagine being the girl who was always ahead of everybody else. They all pushed hard to catch up with me. They all wanted what I had. My speed, my body strength, my intelligence. And now slowly I was losing it all. Everything I once was so proud of, that was once my identity was slipping away from my hands like grains of sand.

John lifted me off the bed in his arms and I placed my arms around his neck. When he moved to set me down on the chair, I turned my head away from him. He was having to carry me as it was, and I was in his personal space. After nearly lashing out at him again. I closed my eyes and took in a few deep breaths before looking at him and #Luna again.

“Thank you both, I’m really sorry. For—Everything I’m putting you both through.” It’s all I could say. Shame from my actions was drowning me without the need of water.

“Step closer to freedom” I whispered, my eyes down to my leg taking the glass of wine from him. The highs and lows now hitting as fast as a switch being turned on and off. There was no build up to it anymore. But the sound of the music and the change in song were the things I was trying to put my concentration into, listening carefully to allow the anger to disappear fully.

“I thought my demons, were almost defeated

But you took their side, & you pulled them to freedom

They know my secrets & won't let me go, won't let me go”

“How true can a song from over a hundred years ago be for somebody who wasn’t even born when it was created?” I whispered again to myself and the shadows growing around me.

= John =

I felt the pull in the room as some of the fight drained from her in that moment; I knew she’d get it back. She always did but it was hard to watch. Without really thinking I rested my hand on her shoulder, I pulled it back when I realised, I was the last person she’d want comfort from. Even if it wasn’t for our past, I was the one keeping her here. I was the one picking her up because she couldn’t stand on her own right now. Luna climbed back up onto the bed and gave me one of her looks as I jerked my hand back.

I didn’t tell her not to apologise again. She heard me before, but she was feeling like a burden and repeatedly telling her she wasn’t was just going to reinforce that idea. “You’ll be back on your feet in no time, Raven.” I fully intended it as a supportive statement but it falls flat. Just another empty sentiment that none of us really had the right to offer, because any minute now that next seizure could come along… with or without a trigger and she could be gone. Or worse, alive and trapped like a prisoner in a body and mind that couldn’t function at all.

“John is right. Yu laik gona.” #Luna said. (You’re a warrior). “Yu na ge yuj nodotaim. You’ll be strong again.”

She translated for herself. I leaned back against the bed; not sitting up on it. I tried not to make it obvious that I was putting a little space between myself and #Luna. It was nothing to do with the nightblood, she never touched me unless it was a brief comforting squeeze on my shoulder… or she couldn’t stand. Hell, she hardly got close to me. So, why did I care?

I drained the cup and restrained the urge to refill it right away, only because I had an audience. There was a short silence and the music changed, and I let a smile slip across my features. “That’s better!” I chuckled. “Now it’s a party!” I knew 21st-century music was strange to #Luna; as she listened, a crease form between her eyes.

(Music: Señorita - Shawn Mendes, Camila Cabello )

= Raven =

There was nothing to it. I had no way to change the outcome or the path I was on to get to it. ‘So, give into it’ Becca’s voice was back, and I shoot a glance around the room. The shadows moved slowly forming the outline of a body. I closed my eyes and let my head fall forwards. It was the touch on my shoulder that make me jerk my head up. It had been comforting and then it was gone too soon. It wasn’t until I saw him moving away did, I place the fact that the touch belonged to him. ‘Well, who else would it be?’ Becca’s voice mused in my head again.

This time it was #Luna’s voice that pulled me back from the dark hole that was trying to drag me in. I knew she meant well. but telling me I was a ( warrior ), didn’t do much for the mess I was in right now. ‘Pull yourself together Reyes!’ I told myself and waves my free hand in the air and downed the wine left in my glass in one.

“Whatever and whomever I am or was. I know for sure that I’m still a girl who is up to party.” With a fake smirk I lifted my glass towards him again. Pushing my luck, I knew it, but what was the worst that could happen? He’d say no? So, I’d try again in five minutes.

“I know this song! Harper and Monty were dancing to it in the kitchen a couple of nights ago!” It had been good to watch the two of them lost in one another. Laughing and dancing, not a care in the world for the time the song was on and playing. They were just lost in one another and nobody else mattered. “Could you turn it up? We can’t start a party with the music down low.” But mostly if the music was up, it would make it harder for me to hear the voices.

= John =

I could see on her face that my plan was not as ingenious as I thought it would be. It was idiotic, but the intent was oddly pure, even in my capacity as a nurse. I couldn’t help but look down at my hand and wonder why I did that. Seconds before I was acutely conscious of the fact that I was invading her personal space and then I was deliberately touching her and deluding myself that it would make her feel better. I was losing my mind.

I thought of what the worst would be if I let her have another. She seemed to have a handle on her pain, I knew it was there… hiding behind those hazel eyes of hers. But it wasn’t just that she was hiding it well. She was coping; with the physical pain at least, but there was more going on back there. I refilled her glass with a grin and offered to top up Luna’s, but she covered hers with her hand and I refilled my own.

I exaggerated a shudder. “#Monty… Dancing?” I laughed, hard. “I’m glad I missed that.” I cranked the volume up full and #Luna was starting to look like she was enjoying the song. “Raven Reyes… party girl.” I mused out loud remembering the parties in the unused storerooms in Factory Station. How she was always with Finn back then. “I seem to recall some legendary evenings back in the day.”

= Raven =

I watched #Luna relaxed and enjoying herself again, and John looked a little lost in his own mind once again.

“You know what, you’d be surprised to learn the guy can move, and the fact that he was lost in #Harper, it was so them.” I know that look they gave one another. I’d walked in on them one too many times to have seen it first-hand and there was no way to miss it now. Smiling I shook my head. “I need to learn to knock on the door before going to find those two.” I mused.

I was in shock when he refilled my glass and did not give me a look or a ‘This is it’ comment. I wasn’t going to say something smartarse to him, as I may want more later and anything that came out of my mouth in this moment could and would hinder my plans for later.

“Legendary” I mused sitting back in the chair. Bringing the glass to my lips and taking a sip as I thought back to the time on the Ark. “Finn used to have to bribe me to go to those things. He’d hide my books and tell me how sad it would be if my books went missing forever.” Shaking my head, a little. “He knew too well that once I got to the party, I’d have fun, but I wasn’t one of the ones rushing to be there.”

Taking another sip from the glass I moved my shoulders and head slowly to the sound. It was different to any of the other songs we’d heard. And even on the Ark I wasn’t sure if I’d heard something like it. “And Before you make some smart-arse comment, I know I was a nerd okay. And I am not embarrassed by it at all. You don’t become the youngest Zero-G Mechanic by missing classes and partying all night long.

= John =

I shook my head, still not wanting to picture it. “I’m shocked he actually pulled it off.” I laughed but I meant winning #Harper over in the first place. “He had his eye on her since she got locked up on the Ark. Not that we had many opportunities for co-ed fun.” I looked into my glass. I hadn’t been paying all that much attention to them in Arkadia when they first hooked-up. “I’m guessing #Harper made the first move, right?” I looked to Raven; if anyone knew the answer to that it was her. I’d seen it coming for a long time. I chuckled at her comment, I remember #Monty grumbling the same thing about her a few times.

I gave her a look when she was talking about the parties. “Believe me, I know. Do you have any idea how many times we asked Finn to get you to help us break into the storerooms? He said no every time. Luckily, we had Monty… when he wasn’t stoned. So, you had all the fun and none of the risk.”

Of course, I left out the fact that he said she was far too brilliant to risk lock-up over something as stupid as a party. Right now, I was glad he was so insistent, if she’d been in lock-up she wouldn’t have gotten the training she did and we’d probably all be dead already.

“Way to suck the fun out of it, Reyes!” I teased her, but in a harmless way. “Besides my jokes are far more sophisticated than calling someone a nerd!”

“You would be imprisoned for a social gathering?” #Luna asked with her brow pulled low. I cleared my throat.

“If there were too many people, or we were in a restricted area… or if we were caught with alcohol. It was illegal to make or drink alcohol up there… and every crime no matter what got you locked up or floated.”

I saw #Luna. “Why were you a prisoner, John?”

This time I cringed, and my eyes darted to Raven, she’d know this story by now. At least the way everyone else told it. “I um… cringe I set a fire.” I didn’t go into the details that I set the fire in the quarters of the bastard that arrested my father and (in my opinion) was the reason my mother drank herself to death out of grief. #Luna looked at me like she knew there was more to that story, but she wasn’t going to ask, and that’s how I wanted it to stay.

= Raven =

“All the fun?” My eyes moved to the glass in my hand and I was swirling the wine. Watching as the liquid formed small circles in my hand, I knew just the right pressure to put into keeping the movement of the wine just so, so not to spill anything. But my mind was back on the Ark now. On Finn and on the many conversations he and I shared..

˜”*°•. On the Ark .•°*”˜

Finn sat before me on my bunk handing me another textbook, he’d somehow managed to acquire to help me study. This would mean I didn’t need to stay late at the reference ports to study and could put in the time from my quarters. When I asked him how he got the book, he flashed me a smirk.

“Listen Little bird, I have big plans for you, you need to pass that exam before you do anything else. So, I worry about where the book came from and the next meal. And You keep your head down and learn everything you need and want to know about becoming a Mechanic.”

˜”*°•. Back in the Lab .•°*”˜

I shook my head free from the memory and took a sip from my glass. “That’s my given name did you not know John. ‘Suck the fun out of it Reyes’. Smirking now towards him.

“You know it was Harper. Can you see Monty stepping up to a girl as beautiful and strong as Harper? All he did from the moment he set eyes on her was to stare at her.” I couldn’t help but smirk at a conversation I’d had with one of the younger kids when I first came to the ground. I ask the kid what was happening there with Monty as he stood pining after Harper.

“I’m not the local biographer, but from what I remember of the guy’s joking and messing with them. Hooking up was something Harper wanted to do because we were two days free from somebody trying to kill us all. I guess it was her idea of a celebration. And You know Monty didn’t mind taking part in her party.”

I stiffened a little at #Luna’s question or was it a statement? Who knew, I was the one here with the fried mind finding it hard to keep my head in one place to follow a thought from its conception to its death.

Then again, I wasn’t surprised that #Luna would think it crazy that people were getting locked up on the Ark for things the grounders took for granted. They had no laws or enforcers outside of the clans, and #Luna as the leader of Floukru I could imagine the Zen Master was pretty easy going on her people.

“Things were once put into place to keep the people of the Ark safe, but as time went on the tables were turned. It ended up becoming about surviving. So, any rule, big or small. If it was broken. There were no second chances.” My voice low and a little strained as I spoke.

Finally, when I did look up, I caught the way John cringed at #Luna’s question asking him why he was in lock up. And my eyes widened at his reply. He wasn’t telling her the full truth there. I’d heard so many stories of what, how and why John had done such a stupid thing on the Ark. But it was an overheard conversation between #DavidMiller (#Nate’s dad) and my old boss #Sinclair which gave me the true story there. Why John had set the fire and what he must have been thinking. But I kept my thoughts to myself, this was John’s story to share. If and when he felt the need to do so.

Shaking my head. “And he said I am the one putting a downer on these little impromptu celebrations of my not dying this time around? Man! We need to up our party skills people!”

The music changed again, and again the words started to speak to me.

(Music : Skylar Grey - Love The Way You Lie )

= John =

I watched her drift off in her own world and I couldn’t hide the way my body stiffened. I readied myself to jump up and get her back into the bed if it happened again. #Luna seemed to react to me more than her; like she knew there was nothing wrong with Raven. At least, nothing that required springing into action immediately. Then she made her joke and I sighed with relief a little too loudly. I didn’t go into her comment; she knew how to enjoy herself back then… Not the same way we did but still, she found her fun. But on the ground, she spent her time trying to save us, protect us or prepare for the next crisis. She never really cut loose.

Even those two days she spoke about, were days she had spent searching through ALIEs code. “I don’t think Harper was ever the hooking up type. She liked him, I don’t think she noticed him until Mount weather though, I wasn’t around. But the last time I saw her before that she was always watching Jasper… after he became a hero for shooting those grounders.”

I laughed at her implication that I was the ‘Debbie Downer’ or had she meant #Luna for asking that question of all questions. That was a faux pas among us delinquents, after the first few weeks. The music changed like it was determined to have me reveal my secret. “Hey, who doesn’t enjoy a good bonfire every now and again?”

The words brought flashes into the front of my memory. ‘Just gonna stand there and hear me cry’. I remembered the crowds that gathered outside my mother’s (and mine though I’d not slept there in weeks) quarter’s when my screams drew then in after I found her body. Facedown on the floor with a bottle of illegal moonshine a few feet away, I could still smell the booze and the vomit. Fuck! I hated her… and fuck! It hurt so much to lose that stubborn, hateful bitch! A lump grew in my throat.

‘Just gonna stand there and watch me burn. Well, that's alright because I like the way it hurts.’ I remembered standing and watching that son of a bitch head back inside his quarters, still in that guard uniform of his. I saw myself toss the matches through the door before it swung closed behind him. I’d swiped them from earth skills a long time before… because, well you never knew when something like that would come in handy. And this was that moment.

I grabbed the music player and swiped through it, stopping the song halfway through and changing it.

(Music: I'll Be Good – Jaymes Young )

= Raven =

#Luna looked to me, and I to her before we returned our gaze to him. The sigh he took was a little too loud to be to show me he wasn’t impressed by my ( Partying ) skills back in the day. And then I saw it. He was lost in his past just as I had been moments ago.

We all have nightmares, we all had something we left behind that came to us when we least expected it. Some of us were better at hiding it than others, but with so few of us here on the island. Without the need to always be looking over our shoulders for the next attack. Some of those nightmares were starting to show.

So, why did I expect it to be any different for him? He was in the same boat as the rest of us, even if he didn’t want us to know about it.

“Listen here Debbie Downer, I know you didn’t mean it the way it sounds. But you know you just said that #Harper was chasing the glory. She was no different to the rest of those swooning girls in Arkadia back then. She just figured out what/ who she wanted and went for it. I’d glad she did take the first step. There’s no rule saying the guys have to step up and say ‘Hey, You. Me. Let’s Go.’ It’s all about the power us girls have now”

I had to laugh because I had witness that exact move and words taking place before my eyes in Arkadia and the girl did follow the guy. “Those ( Damsel in distress ) type just get on my last nerve”.

Both #Luna and I exchanged a glance again watching him change the song, and I would normally take the opportunity to make fun of him for it, or even fight him to put the song back. But something told me that he needed this. So, I let him have it. The next song I’d heard him play before. I was sure he didn’t know I could hear it, but sound travelled on the ground floor of the Mansion. And sometimes when the others were all busy it was hard to miss these things no matter how much you tried to give someone their privacy.

‘I like this one. Turn it up?’ #Luna was in her way telling him he wasn’t alone.

= John =

I tried everything to shake it off, but the feeling had dug in. I stared into the now empty cup in my hand and considered refilling it, but the image of the empty bottle on my mother’s floor flashed up and I simply set it aside. I focused on Raven’s next words and let them pull me out of the hole I was sinking into. I forced a convincing laugh, at least I hoped it was convincing.

Just one more reason we needed to figure out a plan. All this sitting around and waiting was leaving me with far too much time to think, too much time to dwell on the ghosts and the nightmares.

“I wouldn’t have ever called #Harper a damsel in distress.” I smirked. “That girl was always a bit of a dark horse. It took a while for her to show it, but she’s one hell of a survivor too… or she was before…” I sighed softly and didn’t talk about the suicide pact she’d made with Jasper and the others. I couldn’t judge, I’d been there myself and in the end, she chose to survive. They both did.

I turned up the volume again when #Luna asked and looked to both of the girls, peering over the rims of their glasses. “Anybody want another top up before Doc Lite gets back and kills the party?” I grinned and picked up the bottle.

= Raven =

His laughter wasn’t fooling me, and when I looked sideways towards #Luna, she saw right past it too. The Zen Master had a way to make you know that you were seen, even if all you wanted at the time was for the ground to open up and swallow you whole.

“I can’t disagree with you there; Harper is one of a kind. And its good to see her coming into herself finally.” I hadn’t meant that #Harper was a damsel who wanted saving. I’d meant she was unlike those girls who did want that from their life. But I didn’t correct him. He was a little lost in his mind, and again I wondered how much of that was due to him being stuck here with me.

He didn’t have to ask us twice; my glass went up right away. I wasn’t going to miss the chance of having one more before my ‘You survived another ( Nap )’ party was shut down. And to my surprise I saw #Luna do the same.

‘Na nou drop of drein daun” (Cannot lose the drink ) #Luna says. And she didn’t really even drink.

I let my eyes settle on John again. Part of me wanted to ask if he was okay. Ask if he wanted to tell us what he was thinking about. But that was such a ( Chick ) move. ‘Oh, share with me. Tell me all your secrets I want to know.’ I rolled my eyes at myself. They were ‘Secrets’ for a reason. If people wanted to share, you would know about them without the need to ask.

I shifted on the chair, leaning back a little when I felt a shot of pain going up the side of my hip. Maybe sitting up wasn’t the best of ideas. But to hells with it, I wasn’t about to tell John he was right. This earth would have to freeze over before that day ever came. And on top of it, I knew if they saw me hurting, they would have me up and in that bio bed before I could fight them for it.

“Are you hiding anything to eat here too? I could do with something.” I said it because I knew talking about food always made his baby blue eyes lighten up a little.

= John =

I smiled and split what was left in the bottle of wine between the girls' glasses, keeping my resolve that I was done for the night. Telling myself I couldn't get too buzzed when I still had to get Raven back into her bed and stand watch until she was on her feet again. At least until the next shit-show put her into another extended nap… as she called them.

I hid the empty bottle back in the cabinet but, I figured our little Celebrationwould be discovered the smell of the Wine was all over the room now. Not that it was something to complain about, it was an improvement over the antiseptic scent and the overly filtered air pumped through the vents. But there was nothing they could do about it once they found out. They would expect no less from me anyway, and no one would blame Raven or Luna for partaking in the rare treat after everything they'd been through since we arrived on this luxurious, hell-hole island. I'd try to keep #Monty out of it for being the middleman if I could.

I smirked at Raven and moved to where I'd left the bag and hunkered down. I pulled out the sealed bags of preserved meat and foil-wrapped crackers, and a jar of peanut butter. And one thing I added to the list, I'd read about it in some of Becca's books in the bunker, but seeing the sticky brown goo in the jars in the pantry it was not at all appetizing so I'd not tried it yet. I pulled the wheeled table closer and left the food down. Along with the jar of chocolate, I smiled at the two of them. "Take your pick ladies, I highly recommend the peanut butter."

= Raven =

Both #Luna and I sat up seeing that he wasn’t joking with us. “Are you for real John? You have food in that bag too?”

#Luna shifted on the bed to the top end by my side leaving room for John to sit where she’d been if he wanted to. When he started to set out the food, #Luna went to open the meat right away.

Opening the crackers and the peanut butter myself , I’d seen someone on one of the shows Becca had do this. I pushed the cracker into the peanut butter and took a bite. Covering my mouth, I couldn’t take the wine buzz smile off my lips.

“Okay that is a good idea. You guys have to try it.” I laughed doing it again and putting the jar down for them to try. “I can’t believe how hungry I am all of a sudden.”

I hadn’t been before at all. I’d only asked for food to help take John’s mind off whatever he’d been thinking about.

‘Chit ste dei de?’ (What is that?) #Luna asked pointing to the jar with brown stuff inside of it. Picking it up next, I glanced over to John for any indication of what it could be.

“I’m not sure Wise One. Shall we see?” Opening the jar, I took a look inside, narrowing my eyes seeing that it was sticky and brown in colour with a sweet aroma coming from it.

“It looks like slime. How are we meant to eat it?” I put a broken cracker into it and scooped it the same as I did the peanut butter. Bringing it up to my nose, before letting the tip of my tongue lick a little of it. My eyes widened straight away, and I took a better lick of it and then a bite of the cracker.

“Hells! This is so good!” taking another cracker I filled it and handed it to #Luna. “Try it.” and she did. A smile forming on her lips when she chewed on the cracker.

“John here.” I did the same for him. But when he came in to take the cracker I by passed his hand and took it up to his mouth and then splatted it all over his nose and cheek. #Luna fell back in the bed laughing hard and I fell back into the chair. “No getting lost in your mind, unless you take Luna and I with you.”

Licking my fingers watching him with a waggle of my brow. It kind of bugged me when he was lost or sad. I guess he was starting to become a friend.

= John =

I laughed and put my hand on Raven’s shoulder to stop her jumping up with excitement. “You think I was gonna risk Abby’s wrath, for getting you drunk without at least feeding you?” I chuckled and gave her a real smile. I watched her dip the cracker into the peanut butter, something I’d learned in the bunker. Though there hadn’t been much there, it was one of the first things I’d finished. I had no regrets. I did the same and felt the peanut butter stick to the roof of my mouth, it was glorious.

I grinned as the girls eyed the jar labelled chocolate spread; according to the books in the bunker (that weren’t full of science crap) this stuff was practically magic, and highly effective –supposedly- on calming the nerves of unruly women. But it looked disgusting so; I hung back and let them be my guinea pigs. I took the space #Luna had made for me and watched Raven’s eyes go wide, part of me was stunned and the other part waiting on her to have some kind of allergic reaction. It used to happen all the time on Earth and pretty much everything we touched or ate down here was something we’d never encountered before. It was bound to happen to someone at some stage and Raven wasn’t having the best luck lately.

Then her whole face brightened, and I was a totally different kind of stunned, joy flashed over her features. I could swear there were tiny flecks of gold in the hazel of her eyes, just for a moment. When she spoke again, I got a grip of myself and waited for #Luna to try the stuff. I saw the smile and that was it; I had to try this ugly stuff… it did smell good though. I supposed the peanut butter wasn’t an attractive colour either, but it looked like some of the nutrition packs on the Ark so it was less suspicious to me.

As I reached for the crackers Raven was already stretching over the table with one in her hand, I reached out but she kept moving. The gold in her eyes glittered again and she smeared the stuff over my face, I jerked back.

“Cute, Reyes!” I tried not to laugh but, what did I think was going to happen? She was going to hand feed me? Yeah, right! I licked my lips and wiped my face as #Luna rolled around laughing.

“Oh!” My eyes widen just like the girls did. “Damn.” I sucked the stuff off my fingers. “That is good.” If the peanut butter was glorious this was heavenly.

I narrowed my eyes at Rey. “Dison bilaik wor!” (This means war!) I grabbed the chocolate and jumped up; moving to the stand at the head of the bed with the medical supplies and grabbed the wooden tongue depressors and tore it from the paper. I loaded one end with the chocolate, grinning evilly; a little delighted she didn’t have her brace. I held her shoulder so she wouldn’t try to escape and smeared the chocolate across her cheek, then stuck the wooden stick to the end of her nose, the sticky, sweet-tasting goo holding it in place. #Luna was gripping her sides and rolling around the bio bed with her knees pulled up to her chest.

“Paybacks a bitch!” I smirked and sat the chocolate back on the centre of the table and grabbed another package of crackers. The song changed again, and I smiled. “Yes!! Now it’s a party.” Her words hadn’t gone on heard, they still rattled around in my head. Sinking in. I didn’t have to stay lost.

(Music - Sugar · Maroon 5 )

= Raven =

“I’m as cute as they come Watcher.” I couldn’t stop laughing. “Right? It’s good right? You’ve been holding out on us John!” His reaction to the taste was worth it all. But seeing him jerking back after thinking I was going to feed him had me in stitches. Then again, I knew, when he’s eyes softened and his mouth opened for me to feed him, it was all an act on his part. He was just playing along with my madness.

It felt as though forever had past since I’d heard these sounds coming from the three of us. Since we’d gotten to the Island and since my first nap. These two had been stuck to my side like glue. At first it was a thankless job, and I know because I was the thankless fool who’d not made it easy on them. But now. Things were slowly changing, we were laughing, joking, nothing (mostly ) was said with malice. And I’d even started to become a little nicer to John.

“Wait, What?” #Luna moved fast to curl back on the bed to the far side hearing John say ‘Dison bilaik wor!’ and it was taking me a moment to work on the words. By the time it had fallen into place that he’d said, ‘This means war’. I leant forward and moved to grab a hold of the jar of chocolate, but he took it then moved away before I could.

“John!?” I called out, watching him rush off to the medical supplies not sure what he was looking for until he turned back around.

#Luna was out of the way and John was making his way back towards me. With a little too much delighted in his baby blue eyes and that grin on his lips. His hand moved to hold my shoulder back and he was stood over me now.

“Don’t you Dare---” My words had been cut short by John’s actions. The stick in his hands full of the sweet brown stuff was all over my cheek and nose now. “JOHN! NO FAIR!” I exclaimed but I was laughing too.

With the stick glued to my face. I snapped my teeth at him. (That was a first. I’d witnessed him doing that in the pass, clearly, I was spending too much time with him now.)

But the Peanut butter was still there on the table. I could pick it up and put it in his hair or on his face, but that would be a waste. So, I sat there taking the stick off my nose and licking it laughing at the mess I must look like to them. And from the reaction of #Luna still curled up laughing. I was game.

“What a waste of all this sweet goodness. Hand me a cracker too man. I need to eat this.” Point to my own face.

Using my finger to wipe some of the chocolate from my cheek I sucked on my finger making a low humming sound. “This stuff is heaven and then some.” I teased wiping my cheek again and sucking it off my fingers.

“So Good!”

The music had changed, and it was fun again. The sadness was gone for now and I was grateful.

= John =

“I wasn’t holding out… I just didn’t want to be the first to try it.” I laughed. “It looked gross.” The look on her face when I came at her with the chocolate was comical. But she had forgotten where she was for a moment, a short respite from the stress of all of this. I took a cracker from the package and handed the rest to her, stretching over the table only as much as I had to, craning my head back as far as I could to protect my face from retaliation.

It was the first real laugh I’d heard from either of my charges. Though I wasn’t sure I was taking care of #Luna any more than she was taking care of us, especially Raven. I could see the stats on Raven’s monitors rising, but I only briefly glanced so I didn’t draw anyone else’s attention to them, and I figured the look on my face wouldn’t give anything away. When even I knew the numbers were good. I watched Raven scrape the chocolate off her face and suck it off her finger; exactly like I had but still, I teased. “Savage!”

I let my shoulders move to the song as I scooped up more chocolate on a broken cracker and licked it off, unable to decide if I liked it better on its own or with the crackers. The peanut butter was definitely better with them; the chocolate was so amazing both ways that it was hard to decide. And it was kind of mind-blowing that despite the shit storm coming our way we had a moment to think about what food we liked best and not wonder when we’d see our next meal.

#Luna gave me a curious look as I rocked the bed a little with my ridiculous attempt at dancing; but that made me move even more and sing along. “C’mon, you are telling me Natblida’s can’t dance?” I grinned at her then crooned the words of the song. “I want that red velvet, I want that sugar sweet. Don't let nobody touch it. Unless that somebody's me”

= Raven =

“He was holding out and was chicken too Luna! I think we need to walk him to the pond at the back of the house and push him in. How long have we been here? Days! That’s how long. And Not Once did he think ‘This looks bad, let me get one of the idiots to try it.’ I mean come on.” Shaking my head at him and still really talking to #Luna

“The way his Master Chef skills have us all eating his food without questioning it. It would have been so easy John. I’m disappointed in you. Ai believe Yu are going soft ona yumi. (I believe you are going soft on us.)” I know I got that so wrong mixing the two languages. It was Savage! And #Luna busting out in laughter was all the proof I needed.

I smiled and laughed all at the same time cleaning the brown stuff off my face and taking the crackers from him. Mouthing ‘Chicken’ at the way he was trying to keep himself ( Safe ) from me.

Rolling my eyes at him when he called me ‘Savage’ clicking my tongue at him, with my eyebrow raised. “You know Watcher, I'm a Savage (yeah), Classy, bougie, ratchet (yeah), Sassy, moody, Nasty!” Biting into the cracker and letting the crumbs fall over my chest. Laughing at myself with a shake of my head. “Okay not a joke. I think I like the brown thing, with the peanut think both on the crackers together. I’m doing it my own way here now.” and I got to work.

‘Ai na dula'm op’ ( I can do it ) #Luna jumped up off the bed and grabbed a hold of John’s hand tugging him along with her. The song was playing, John was singing ( or trying to anyway ), I sat chewing on the new creation I’d put together watching them both.

“Small wins” I whispered to myself. It was becoming two words which had so much more meaning behind them. The song changed but it didn’t stop #Luna from showing off her moves.

(Music: Uptown Funk – Bruno Mars https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=tYvFa2ARD24&feature=share )

= John =

I rolled my eyes. “More talk like that and you’ll never see that brace again, Reyes!” I shrugged at her next words. None of the books ever had this in it as an ingredient. I think more of a dessert or snack thing.” I picked it up and read the label but the only thing familiar was milk. “Ai fig raun yu gyon kwelnes gon osir.” (I believe you are going soft on us). I corrected her… and wondered if I’d just insulted myself, or her Trig skills. Or both?

I had to shake my head when she sang the lyrics of a vaguely familiar song. But there was a grin plastered on my face while she still had bits of chocolate on her face. I leaned across the table to grab the tongue depressor I’d stuck to her nose to try her idea but, #Luna grabbed my hand and pulled, not hard enough to drag me from the bed but enough to silently say ‘Get up and dance!’. Honestly, I was in too good of a mood right now to say no. I knew it could change at any minute, so I wasn’t about to hasten the process.

I got up and started to dance with her, singing the lyrics until the song changed. It was another of my favourites in the kitchen, so I kept dancing and made a point to shake my ass in Raven’s direction… since there was very little, she could do about it. #Luna looked hysterical, waving her arms and upper body around as she circled the bed. I sang along to this one too. “Come on, dance, jump on it. If you sexy then flaunt it. If you freaky then own it. Don't brag about it, come show me.”

= Raven =

“Why does it feel like you would really do that John?” My eyes moved around the bio lab once again. But my brace was nowhere to be seen. What the hells had they done to it I wondered.

“Show off” I muttered at him when he corrected my mess with Trig. But I had the choice to blame my lack of Trig skill also the fact that we had been drinking the hundred plus years old wine for a little while now. I wasn’t going to hold it against myself. Whereas if I was sober, I knew I’d be upset with myself for getting it so wrong.

“Okay wise arse.. Ai fig raun yu gyon kwelnes gon osir.” (I believe you are going soft on us). Happy? It still stands.” I laughed again watching them dancing and him singing. It was for sure better than laying in the bio bed watching the monitors telling me I was sick and dying and losing my brain. I shook my head and pushed those thoughts way, way, way back and out of the way. I wasn’t going to change my mood. This was fun, a carefree fleeting moment that would disappear soon enough.

When John started to shake his arse in my direction, I reached out picking up the lid to the jars and I pelleted it towards his head, hitting the back and it made me laugh again. “If I want to see a bony arse, I’ll ask Jax to bring up the skeleton from Becca’s office thanks.

#Luna danced her way around to the side of the bed and started to move and sway from side to side, and with John singing again, I had to wonder if this was the first time these two people had actually let their hair down?

“Babysitting me sucks.” I whispered to myself, picking up my glass of wine and taking another drink from it.

“Dance Monkey, Dance!” moving my shoulders from side to side, I let the stick up my own arse out for the moment.

= John =

I winked to confirm her suspicions that I’d keep her brace from her. Even on my worst day that would be low, but I wasn’t about to give up my bargaining chip. “Nowe!” (Never!) I called over the music when she said I was going soft. “I’m too badarse and you know it.” #Luna rolled her eyes as she danced.

Something hit the back of my head and my hand flew up as I shot around and saw the lid of the jar skitter across the floor. “If people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones then it tracks that people without their leg brace shouldn’t throw… Well, anything!” I gave her a warning glare but resisted the urge to smear more chocolate on her face. “And this arse is amazing, thank you very much. You wish you could get a squeeze, Reyes. Don’t lie.” I jumped a little and spun around.

#Luna had just pinched my arse. “Seriously? You want to add fuel to her delusions?” I shook my head at the nightblood. She shrugged and laughed. “I wanted to see what the fuss was about. Ai sin mou beda.” (I’ve seen better)She went back to her dancing and I glared. “Where? On the oil rig? Slim picking in the middle of the ocean.” I scoffed at her.

“Dance, Monkey, Dance” I heard Raven tease. “Wait… I’ve heard that one before!” I laughed and grabbed the player again and scrolled through, flashing a grin as I hit play. This was the most ridiculous song I had ever heard but it was annoyingly catchy.

(Music: Dance Monkey · Tones And I - https://youtu.be/Hx4nWW9z0ig )

= Raven =

“Badarse in the kitchen, sure. I’ll give you that. But –” I teased smirking taking another bite of the cracker in my hand to finish it. “—The rest is debatable.”

My jaw dropped open at him not even hiding the fact anymore that he wouldn’t give me my brace back. “That is called holding somebody hostage Murphy.” I may have used his surname, but it was in no way in the same malice as it once used to be.

Out of the side of my eye I saw it all taking place in slow motion. #Luna danced her way around the bed again and towards John, as he messed with me about his arse being ( squeezable ), #Luna’s hand came out of nowhere and boy from where I sat it looked like she really copped a good feel of him. I spat out the wine I’d just sipped on and burst out laughing at his reaction.

“Oh, she so wants some of what you are offering. I can cut the tension with a knife.” But then #Luna’s face said it all. She was not impressed with what had been in her hands. And I laughed again at the way the two of them were bickering. “Hey, don’t drag me into your little arse squeezing fetish there. This isn’t one of my many delusions. This is happening before my eyes.” I pointed between the two of them, waggling my eyebrows at them both.

Once again, he moved but this time with some excitement to change the music that had been playing, but there was nothing of that lost look in his eyes this time. “What is this?” I asked when the song started to play making a face, and yet quickly #Luna was sipping her wine and dancing again. The words caught on a little too fast.

“Dance for me, dance for me, dance for me, oh, oh, oh

I've never seen anybody do the things you do before”

“Do you know every song on that thing?” I asked over the music, but now I was singing along too. Refilling the wooden stick with some more of the chocolate to eat.

“They say move for me, move for me, move for me, ay, ay, ay

And when you're done, I'll make you do it all again”

= John =

I heard her call me Murphy, but it didn’t sound like it used to, or like it did when anyone else said it. It wasn’t laced with disgust or disappointment. It was strange, so I tried to ignore it. I lifted my arms and dropped them against my side with a soft slap.

“See what you did now!? Koken Natblida.” (Crazy Nightblood). I jumped back as Raven sprayed wine everywhere feeling a few drops hit my hand and my leg.

“Nice! Reyes, so graceful.” I swatted #Luna away. “Will you stop feeding into her delusions please!” I was annoyed but damn!... I was still having fun. I chuckled and smiled at both of them. “You’re both hopeless!” I teased and grabbed another cracker, I broke it in half and scooped up some peanut butter on one half and chocolate on the other and pressed them together. I took a bite and closed my eyes.

“Mmmm! So good!”

I laughed at Raven when she asked about the songs on the music player. “Three months in that hole, Raven. And all I had were Becca’s stupid sex books or the science crap… so yeah. I know a lot of these songs.” I took a seat on the bed again. I looked over at Raven, she was still laughing and smiling; I was feeling a weird warmth, I glanced over my shoulder as #Luna gave up on dancing and sat up next to me on the bed crossing her legs.

The song changed again; my eyes drifted back to Raven as I listen to the soft music and powerful lyrics. The soft start led into the louder and stronger lyrics, they slowly took over the room, sinking in. I tried not to let on I was watching her, but honestly… I wasn’t sure I cared if she noticed I was watching her right now. Maybe… I shook my head a little because it couldn’t be. But; did I want her to notice?

(Music: I Just Know · Jacob Lee - https://youtu.be/Cg6DTpT7Qtk )

= Raven =

‘Nou, en na teik em lol au’ ( No, it makes her laugh ) #Luna teased as she sat herself back down on the bed beside him. ‘But you know, I’m not going to attack you in your sleep. Yu are klir ( You are safe )’ She winks at him and takes a pointed sip from the glass in her hands, reaching out and stealing what was left of the cracker in his hand, popping it into her mouth and chewing. She turned her attention to me, giving me a wink for the creation of mixing two gooey things to make something good out of it.

“I believe you are giving me way too much credit there Luna, but I’ll take it. Even if the Watcher was the one to bring the good stuff to us in the first place.”

It felt good, it felt easy and it felt as though we didn’t have to work on this. Whatever this was between three very unlikely people who were thrust together, who normally wouldn’t have meant to get along. Don’t get me wrong, John still knew just how to push my buttons ( case and point my missing brace ). But sometimes in the most unlikely of times, you found a connection with people who you would pass by without looking twice at. And I knew that was true of them too. They would never had been sat like this with me unless we where pushed together.

“John, I may have been called a number of things. I may also have been accused of doing many things.--” Wiping my lips with the back of my hand. “—But hells graceful has never been attached to my name. Don’t let this all give you a misconstrued idea of me. I’m the mess before your eyes, and by hells I’m so proud of it.”

Sitting myself back in my chair, #Luna was watching the two of us and then she half lay herself back on the bed her legs still crossed beneath her.

“Three months underground is a long time, but I also know you spent the time well reading all those so called ‘Sex Books’. And still you are low on the game.” I teasingly look towards #Luna.

This was now becoming too much fun for me to let it go. It bugged him we could see that, but hells that was where the fun lay in it all. “You should have paid more attention to the Nerd books, could have helped you in the messed-up world we are living in.”

When the music changed, we all seemed to fall silent around the same time. The words and the sound of the music calmed the room down a little.

“The world isn't big enough to live it on your own

I see fire in your eyes, and I feel fire in my soul

You're gonna make it through this I just know”

My mind was running freely, just for a little while, but nothing that could pull me down and out of this cocoon #Luna and John had helped to create.

I found myself lost in my thoughts, once again the words ringing home I just wasn’t sure of what that ‘home’ looked like anymore. Out of the side of my eye I saw him. John. His baby blue eyes moved on me, and I guessed he was searching for the darkness just as #Luna did so often.

= John =

“Ah… Ai laik stringboba, hir gon gei yo op?” (I’m a puppet, here to amuse you both?) I eyed #Luna and even she was impressed with that one. I grinned; they were both having far too much fun with this now. I just rolled my eyes when she promised not to jump me in my sleep.

“Good to know.” I scoffed, but I was still smiling. At least until she stole my food. “Seriously?” I huffed at her as she popped the cracker in her mouth. She shrugged and winked at me. “Will you please stop flirting with me? I know it’s hard… but no means no woman!” I teased her and turned back to Raven jerking my thumb in her direction. “Talk about mixed messages, right?”

A crease formed between my brows when she brought up my so-called lack of game. “Please!” I scoffed. “I’ve got game… Hell, this one is feeling me up and winking at me and I’m not even trying.”

I gave Raven a near comical, flirtatious look running my eyes over her deliberately. “Are you jealous? Would you like me to turn my charmonto you, Reyes?” I was half-laughing but when my eyes rested back on hers, I was suddenly flushed. A heat slipped over my face, I broke away from her eyes instantly keeping the cheeky grin on my lips, so I didn’t give myself away. My heart gave a handful of ill-timed thumps before settling again.

That last glass of wine was a mistake. I’d barely eaten all day what with watching over Raven and the trip to the Mainland overnight. That was it. Right? Spending all this time with these girls when they were sick and in need of care, despite their insistence they didn’t need it was messing with me. I told myself once she was back on her feet again everything will be back to normal again.

= Raven =

“Em ste Ain nau” ( It is mine now )#Luna said licking her fingers with a small flourish that was more to tease John then to piss him off. And it just made me smile. They were becoming a comedy act and they were entertaining.

“Nou mean sha?” ( No means Yes? ) Again #Luna said it with such a straight face that I could have fallen off my chair from laughing as hard as I was now.

“Oh.. Burn Watcher! I think it’s never going to stop. I mean you may feel like you are getting, ‘Mixed messaging”, but I believe its pretty clear from where I am sitting, you know. Without my brace” I may as well get it in there, in case he feels sorry for me and goes to bring it back to me. That would be a step closer to their freedom from me.

With a roll of my eyes I took another sip of the wine I had in my glass; it was nearing the end, so I was taking smaller sips to make it last now.

“Jealous of you?” I laughed again with a shaking of my head. Clearing my throat, I put the glass down and placed both my hands over my chest. “Oh John--” I said in the sweetest of voices I could pull together right now. “—Please. I don’t know what I’d do with your smiles and charm. Please John. Save Me!” Putting the back of my hand on my forehead and swooning back into the chair as if I was fainting. And then I burst out laughing as did #Luna.

“That’s the crap out of those Sex Books, right? Just not my style Watcher. Good Luck ever charming a girl like me.”

I shifted seeing his eyes on me and the way he pulled them away right as I catch him. I wondered if I’d said something to upset him. “Sorry, it was just a joke John. I’m sure your charm will work on Luna just fine.”

Dammit, even when I was trying to be nice, I had to pull his leg at the same time.

= John =

“Really, Raven?” I rolled my eyes at her when she made her, ‘no means yes’ comment. “You know… #Harper shot me down in lock up a few times. Maybe I should pay her a visit?” I regretted it instantly; like it wasn’t enough she wanted me to hook up with #Luna. I heard the crack before I even realised the nightblood had slapped me across the back of the head. The stinging followed it quickly. “Ow!!” I said pointedly to #Luna. “I was kidding!”

“Em don hon op emon niron.” (She has found her love.) #Luna glared.

“KID – DING” I clarified again.

I looked back to Raven. “Seriously though, I don’t know where they put it. But I’ll get it for you if you sleep again soon.” I made the promise with my eyes, but I didn’t say the word; because it wasn’t something I was used to saying.

Even her teasing didn’t pull me out of my deep moment of confusion, not until she used my name again in a less jovial tone. I blinked and shook off the thoughts. “Hmm…” I let the last few seconds replay in my head.

“Oh! Pfft!” I scoffed at her and motioned as though my heart had just been ripped out of my chest. “Yeah, your words cut so deep, Rey. So deep.” I sighed dramatically, causing the girl next to me to roll her eyes and mutter.

“Hai Skaiskat!” (Foolish Sky boy.)

I looked at Raven apologetically before I even open my mouth to speak. “I think it’s almost time to get you back in bed Little Bird. Before the Doc comes in here and kills me.”

#Luna whirled on me and gasped. “Wait! Abby didn’t say she could get out of bed yet?” And there was another slap.

“She just sat in the bloody chair! It’s not like I took her on a hike!” I protested rubbing my head, again!

= Raven =

I shrugged my shoulder as to say; ‘what did I do?’ at his ‘Really Raven’ comment. Of course, I knew simply fine what it was that I’d done and said. But did I have to admit it to him? And the answer I got was ‘Nope’. Picking the glass up and downed the last of what was left in there and shifted back into the chair.

My eyebrows arched. “Harper shot you down and your go to is to try again when she is with Monty?” I knew he was joking and something told me that was a line that he’d not cross, let alone the fact that #Harper knew how to use a gun, and I could bet that Johns arse with become the practice target if he did ever go there.

But again, it was the fact that I saw something coming before he did. #Luna moved up to sit and her hand clocked him in the back of his head before he knew it was there and before he could duck away from it. I knew I should laugh and roll on him, but this one left a stinging sound in the air.

I knew from speaking to #Luna that she took this ‘Couples’ thing really seriously. For her even joking about such a thing deserved, well, it deserved what John had just got.

“Owch!” I echoed his word. “I felt that from here.” I bit on my lip , pushing my fingers threw my hair.

I’d not expected him to look at me again with his blue eyes. And this time there was no teasing to be found in them. When he told me, he didn’t know where my brace was, I believed him. Some part of me told me that if he knew he’d have gotten it for me by now.

“Don’t worry about it John, I’m sure it’s the A Teams insurance policy to make sure I don’t start running a marathon around the lab and or island.” Waving my hand in the air to brush it off. There was no point in me throwing my toys out at these two. They were stuck here if I was by the looks of it all.

His over dramatic performance had me smirking and rolling my eyes all at the same time. And I saw #Luna had the same reaction. “Oh please—” but I stopped mid conversation, blinking my eyes and tilting my head a little. That was the first time John had called me ‘Rey’. It was always ‘Reyes’ or ‘Raven’. I shook my head and #Luna gave me a look, that was before she hit him again.

I held my arms out but I was too far to do anything. “I’m okay, look just sitting here eating the good stuff, and drinking wine.” And I felt for him now. I saw that look he gave me, the one to say, ‘I really don’t want to, but we have no choice.’

The music changed, this song was a slow one and I’d heard it before in the main house. “Even the music is hinting that it’s time to put me back into jail.” I half smiled trying to joke a little. And again, I found myself listening to the song. Really listening to it.

( Music: Sam Smith -To Die For- https://youtu.be/POIK1H3L86k )= John =

I shook my head at her when she joined the teasing about Harper. But there were no intentions there to go and try anything with #Harper and I knew they got that too. #Monty and Harper had this intense trauma bond thing going on that seemed to be working for them.

“Everyone was worried, and things were crazy. I’m sure it just got left in the lab.” I held my hand out when Raven said she was just sitting there. “See! She’s fine. She got a break from the bed, had some laughs… and some food. How is any of that bad?”

“You should wait until the healer says it’s okay to move.” #Luna deadpanned. I tried to ignore the lyrics of that song, but they were striking chords and sinking into my mind, I knew right away I had them memorised even though I only heard them once.

“Would you?” I raised my eyebrows at her, knowing only too well she was moving around too soon after they had taken too much blood. #Luna shrugged but didn’t deny it. “Exactly! And Raven’s got this, right?” I hopped off the bed, grinning at her. “She’ll be out of here in no time.” I glanced from the bed to the chair and the realization hit me. I wouldn’t be able to get her back into the bed the way I got her out. The bed was too high for her to pull herself back up without straining anything and with one functioning leg. I was going to have to completely pick her up.

I knew she was going to like this even less then she liked me helping her into the chair to start with. I turned to #Luna. “Do you want to do the honours this time?” I asked her. I knew she was plenty strong enough to pick Raven up and set her on the bed. But the nightblood shook her head firmly. “Not with all the stuff connected to her.” She pointed to the monitors, and wires and I.V. lines. I huffed.

“I’ll need to actually pick you up this time, you know that?” I looked down at her apologetically.

= Raven =

Closing my eyes, I found myself lost in the music once again. This was becoming a thing for me down here on Becca’s Island. I wasn’t this into listening to music on the Ark. Okay that was a lie, I did like to listen I just never had the time to take it in. There was always something I needed to get on with. Something I needed to study or something I wanted to learn. Listening and truly taking in music was a luxury I didn’t have. But now, even with there being a battle to fight each day, I was beginning to find time for this small pleasure.

Their voice brought me back out of the world I was imagining around the sounds and the words. And I sat watching them for a moment or two. They were really doing this, with me sat right here?

Rolling my eyes, I brushed my fingers over my forehead as the two of them spoke to one another. About me, as if I wasn’t even here, or I was a child who didn’t actually get a say in what was taking place. Pointing my finger to my own head with my eyebrows raised.

“I am sat right here—” waving my hand in the air. “—Raven Reyes, here, you know the girl you are talking about? Unless I am not here, and this is all a dream? Oh.. Wait.. Or I’m invisible?--” Picking the jar of chocolate up I bring it to my face and talk into it. “--Hells, are you magic? Did you make me invisible here? Does that mean I could get up and dance my way around the lab with nobody seeing me?”

Okay so maybe that was a little too far. But hells, it would be nice if they at least tried to pretend I got a say in what happened to me maybe? Also, I had a feeling the buzz in my head from all the wine was readying me for a fight, or at least a tease and a laugh with them both.

“I’m more than capable of getting myself up into bed--” I started to say until I looked over to the bio bed. “—It wasn’t that high when I got off it? Did you moved that thing up Watcher?” Pushing myself forward in the chair and reaching out for the table, I was plotting my escape from the chair he’d sat me in. “If I pull myself up here, use the table, and it rolls so I will move it by the bed there—” I pointed to the side of the bed where he was standing. “—You need to move John or I will roll the table over your foot, and I’m not even going to say sorry, because really.. You should know better and should have moved.---” Okay I was sure between the brain melt, the sugar rush and the wine, I was talking 90 mph and not really stopping to breathe. “—Then I’ll stand on the side of the bed and pull myself up and ( BOOM ) I will be in bed, reading Cinder until I am ( napping ) again!”

It was a perfect plan in my head, and I could see it working without a hitch. “I’m bloody awesome and so got this!”

= John =

I muttered an apology to Raven when she pointed out that we were talking about her, like she wasn’t here.

Then I rolled my eyes when she started talking to the chocolate, I eased the jar from her hand and screwed the lid back on. “Okay, I should have cut you off on the last glass.” I teased her.

I rolled my eyes when she asked if I raised the bed. “No.” My brows pinched together. “Helping you put your feet down was one thing Raven, but.” I stopped and clamped my hand on the edge of the table when Raven reached for it; so it wouldn’t move if she leveraged herself to her feet. “Raven!” My eyes widened at her words and fear lanced through me; when it should have been irritation. “Yeah, Raven… it rolls, so the minute you lean on it, it’s going to move and you’ll fall.”

I stood firm when she told me to move, making sure my expression showed that I wasn’t joking. “No chance, Raven. Between the wine and not having your brace there’s no…” I stopped and huffed, pinching the bridge of my nose. If it was only a few days ago I would have just picked her up by now and had her in the bed, and probably added a bruise to the collection that was, shockingly enough, starting to heal. No one had tried to kill or hit me in a few days now.

“Okay… I’ll find out what the Doc did with your brace.” I deliberately pushed the table out of her reach. “Just…” I looked back at #Luna and back at Raven immediately. “Stay here until I get back. Please?” My feet planted in front of her waiting for her answer, pleading filling my light blue eyes. “No crazy escape plans.”

(Music: Skeletions – James Arthur - https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=B6grOoF5HLQ&feature=share )

= Raven =

I didn’t sober up, but I was as close to it as I could get due to the words and expressions on Johns features. The apology was completely unexpected, to the point that I was left speechless. I knew it wasn’t something knew, we bantered back and forth, we teased, and we really knew how to push the other persons buttons. But for him to stand there and apologise.

The shock had taken me off my guard so much, that I didn’t even fight him to keep the jar of chocolate and just let my fingers drop away from it without a fight. My lips opened to talk and were stilled by all he was saying and doing.

The look in his baby blue eyes, the way he was rubbing his nose and then the fact that he was right about 98.8% of everything he was stating. I backed down slowly. I didn’t need to look at #Luna, I could see her out the side of my eyes smirking. It was as if her eyes were saying ‘Finally’ and I didn’t know to what exactly she was referring to?

The fact that he wasn’t taking my stupid and letting me run with it. Or that he was laying out the facts on how I could end up injuring myself even more than I was right now. The bump to my head, the pain in my legs, back and hips was enough to keep a grown man down. Let alone me adding more to the list.

“I was joking.” My voice was low as a moved back into the chair, letting the table go. “It was just my mind throwing out the plans and the steps I wasn’t going to do it John. I know how much you and Luna have done for me. I know that I am hard work and I don’t even want to be. Hells I wish you both would just Tell Abby you are done with the ‘Babysitting’ and be done with me.”

I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself, Hells I was feeling sorry for the two of them. “And NO! I don’t want you to go and ask Abby.” As he offered to go to find the brace it occurred to me. “If you go looking for it, they will know that I’m out of the bed and that you helped me down.” Once again, the same as I felt that day when I was making Debbie Downer. I didn’t want him to get a roasting because of me.

Sliding my arse forward in the chair. It killed me, and this was the hardest thing for me to ask and do. It was making me fight every urge in my consciousness to admit and ask.

“Please could you help me up into the bio bed?”

= John =

I shook off the thoughts, of course she was joking. ‘Idiot!’ I berated myself internally. I wanted to apologise to her again, but I didn’t know how to do that without admitting I was worried about her. I had no idea how to say that out loud, I processed the words she said slowly. “Are you sure?” I asked as my brain worked over the words ‘Be done with me’… they stung. “She’s right downstairs; it’s not a big deal. I won’t tell them anything.” But I knew she wasn’t wrong they’d ask questions, not that I really cared if they found out I’d given Raven a break from the bed.

With a resigned sigh I moved towards her, she was asking for help and I couldn’t try and convince her not to, I needed her to start trusting me if I was going to be the one looking out for her. I knew it wasn’t easy for her to ask. Especially when I was the reason, she needed the help in the first place, that thought was like a punch to the gut.

#Luna had picked up the music player and was examining it like she was trying to figure out how it made sound. But I knew she was trying to make us think she wasn’t paying attention. She looked fascinated regardless ; maybe a little less fascinated than when she heard music from the hidden speakers in the Mansion. I glanced at the bed and the blankets were still turned down. I crouched and slipped my hand under her knees; it was easy now that she had shifted out to the edge of the chair. I moved my shoulder under her arm with the I.V. so she could hold on to me without the line getting caught between us and took hold of her.

I was reminded again of how much easier it was to pick her up when she was awake. I tried to keep my eyes focused anywhere other than on her; but it proved impossible, especially when I had to lift her a little higher and her body tilted towards me so her face was inches from mine for a few seconds, before I settled her onto the bed. I slid my arms out from under her slowly and reached around to make sure I hadn’t gotten twisted up in the EKG wires. “See.” My voice sounded strange. “Quick and painless.” I cleared my throat and turned her arm over to examine her I.V. line; after all the moving around, there was no trace of blood in the tube or under the dressing.

I leaned in a little but not too close and spoke softly. “I’m not here because Abby asked me to be. I’m here because she trusts me to watch over you… and I think I can do it. Even if my ideas on how to look after you aren’t exactly things Abby would agree with.” I pulled back and tugged the blanket up to her lap and wheeled the table back over to where she could reach it. It wasn’t just medical care and being reigned in when she over worked herself that Raven needed. She needed something that made her want to take it easy every now and again, she needed to have a little fun, a break from the horror and stress. So, she didn’t feel like she was being ‘baby sat’ all the time.

= Raven =

“Yes, I am sure, and it is a big deal to me. Luna and you have done more than enough for me. I don’t think I could stand by and watch as you are berated for doing something, we all know was really my idea in the first place.” Looking up at him. “You wouldn’t have to say anything, with the number of Where, What and Why questions you will be bombarded with, will give them all they really need to know that 1. I’m out of bed, 2. I am just a little drunk and 3. I haven’t been asleep the way they wanted me to be right now.”

He sighed and then moved towards me, my eyes shifted to the ground and I cursed myself for making such a big deal about being in the bio bed. He didn’t want to do this, of course he didn’t. John Murphy had been playing nurse for Raven Reyes a little too long. I wanted to apologise to him again, wishing the chair could have been a little closer to the bed so that I could pull myself up onto it with my own strength.

As John moved down and closer into me, that feeling of helplessness had returned. And there was a soft low voice in the back of my head saying;

‘You are such a burden on them, look how he has to help you. You are useless to them.’

Some part of me knew it to be true. I always fought it in the past, but now even the smallest amounts of coding and I was taking naps for hours and ending up like this, needing to be lifted in and out of a bed.

Out of the corner of my eyes I saw something moving behind John to the far side of the room again. The dark shadow dancing on the wall and the voice telling me to follow it. Telling me to get away from #Luna and John and find my own freedom.

‘You don’t need to worry about all of them, be selfish it’s time.’

Words I’d heard before in the Blue forest. And I told myself ‘This is in your mind. It is not real. This is real, John and Luna are real.’

It was in that moment that Johns arms moved around me and out of instinct my arms moved around his shoulders and neck. I went frigid feeling his touch, and then reminded myself to relax. It was John; this would be over soon. My eyes pulled back from the far side of the lab, I didn’t mean to but found myself looking at him. The side of his face had a little stubble on it. Seeing his blue eyes full of concern, when his eyes met mine and I turn to look away from him. He lifted me up a little further and my body fell into him and I was looking at him again, trying to keep my face from touching his, with a little awkwardness between the two of us.

Once he set me down on the biobed, I let go of him and shifted into place on the top of it until he took a hold of my arm. “Quick and painless” I whispered back to him. I watch as he checked my I.V. line, there was something different in his voice, again there was that unease and again I wished I hadn’t asked for the help now. “You don’t have to do all that John, I’m sure the lines are fine.” But I didn’t pull away from him, letting him check the dressing.

I tried to keep my gaze away from him, and then his attention and voice pulled my concentration right back again. My jaw tensing a little as I clenched it listening to him, my eyes blinked trying to understand what he was saying. In a moment or two, he’d just proved everything that had been ruminating in my mind and felt in my bones to be false.

My gaze moved over to #Luna who’d finally put the music player down and was stood with a few of the pillows in her hand, She wasn’t watching us and made a point to stand back giving John the space he needed to talk.

“John--” Biting on the lower corner of my lip I couldn’t pull my eyes away from his. “—You are going above and beyond what you should have been doing here with me. And I just want you to know it’s okay to say, ‘I’ve had enough.’ And I-- I’m just sorry for all I’ve done to you and said before. It was all said in a joking manor, even if I pushed it too far.”

= John =

I kept my eyes on her, she didn’t seem to be looking away either, so it seemed like the right thing to do. I inhaled deeply and planted my hands on the side of her bed. “I know, Raven. And if that time comes, I’ll let you know.” I laughed a little spotting a tiny dried in streak of chocolate on her jaw just by her ear. I turned to the cabinet by the bed that held the medical tray and picked up a folded wad of what looked like gauze. I dipped it in the jug and reached over to rub it away. “Missed a bit.” I explained and showed her the brown smudge on the swath of white.

“And I know you were joking tonight… I just.” I exhaled. “I guess my mind drifted a little tonight, but it wasn’t you.” She knew better than anyone what it was like to be haunted by the demons of your past. There was a pull inside me to tell her that what happened after she suggested her crazy plan to get herself into bed, wasn’t about her. It was all my own worry and anxiety but how the hell was I supposed to say that out loud? I wouldn’t even know how to find those words.

I put my hand on her shoulder without even thinking about it. “You should try and sleep a little. You’ll be out of here before you know it.” I offered her a smile and it wasn’t until I squeezed her shoulder, that I realised my hand was there and the impulse to yank it away didn’t come. I slipped it away slowly. Like a normal person would. I glanced at the music player that #Luna had stopped fiddling with after changing the song - I assumed accidentally.

“Do you want me to turn that off?”

(Music: Look After You · The Fray - https://youtu.be/SDh22NNXt9w )

= Raven =

My first instinct was to jerk back away from him when he brought the damp gauze up to my face, and I felt myself moving but then I made a point to stop and still. ‘Just wait, it’s okay. Just John. It’s okay.’ The whisper in my mind on repeat, telling me something I knew.

“Thank you. I half smiled once I saw the remnants of the chocolate on the fabric when he brought it back into my sight. “You know I was saving that for a midnight snack Watcher, but there you go stealing it away from me.”

Listening to the music changing again and it truly made me smile and relax. “New deal John, from now on, we all say what we think and let the chips fall where they may. With the three of us spending so much time stuck—” I stopped and corrected myself “—I mean with us spending this much time together, let’s not second guess and worry about what the others are thinking. We should know it. I’ve never been one to mince my words, so no more eggshells.” I stifled a yawn, fighting the heaviness in my eyes and body now that I was back in the bed.

‘Branwoda kru’ ( Foolish people ) #Luna muttered walking around to the opposite side to John, holding the pillows out. Rolling my eyes at her, and I was smiling too. I took them one at a time I placed them under my hip, the knee of my bad leg and then one under my head. She pushed the button to lower the back of the bed so that I could lay down a little. ‘Nau close bilaik blinka’ ( Now close your eyes ) her hand brushed over my hair to move it out of my way. and I shook my head.

“You both should go get some rest. I promise, no stupid moves from me. I’m here for the night.” Or at least I believed it to be night. “No, leave it playing please John. I like this one. Reaching out I pulled the blanket up to my chest and turned my body. Closing my eyes. “Go, find a bed to sleep in. I’m fine. Just need a nap.” My voice was trailing off, but I could still hear the words to the song:

‘It's always have and never hold

You've begun to feel like home yeah

What's mine is yours to leave or take

What's mine is yours to make your own’

= John =

I laughed and pulled the table a little closer. "Stealing?" I scoffed jokingly. "I was saving your dignity from eating melted chocolate off the side of your face like a savage, when there's at least half a jar left." I tapped the top of the jar and screwed the top on the peanut butter too. I grabbed the empty cracker wrappers and swept the crumbs into my hand. I dropped them all into a little yellow bin and turned my attention back to her when she started to talk again.

"If you want to hear about all the skeletons in my closet, I'll tell you, Raven. But I can't guarantee a fairytale, and first... you need to sleep. Assuming you want out of this bed for real sooner rather than later."

I watched #Luna tuck Raven in; setting the pillows under her bad hip and I smiled at her. I left the music on but turned it down a little and moved to the panel on the wall by the door. I dragged my finger halfway down the bars on the side; the light dimmed but didn't go out.

"We'll sleep, don't worry about that." It was weird to hear a soothing tone in my voice. I turned to #Luna and said softly. "Ai na teik fos' setnes. Ron yu bida riden." (I'll take first watch. You get some sleep.) And again the Zen Master looked at me like she knew a secret I didn't. Her hand moved to the handle of the door and she gave one last look to Raven and then back to me, still a glint of a secret in her eyes.

"Nach yu na, Jon. Ai komba raun gon fou nabit." (Of course, you will. I'll be back in four hours.) She said softly before she left the room, and I took a seat in the chair next to the bed.

= Raven =

Drifting off to nothingness is all I hoped for. The sound of their voice felt like they were miles away from where I lay in the bio bed now. My eyes were closing slowly and the words from the song were becoming lost, and mixed with the sound of the monitors they still had connected to me.

My body started to feel like the tension was dissipating, however it was nothing like the sleep I was in before. The dull pain was still there, and as to prove it to myself I shifted my body to the side and the sharp stabbing made my head and eyes flitter open for the briefest of time before closing again.

≋ Dreaming ≋

The smell of dampness filled my nose, my arms, head and legs were hurting, It was dark and I couldn’t see anything. “Hello? Is there anybody there?” My voice was strong as if I was ready for a fight, I was ready to hit back hard, but I wasn’t sure what or who I was going to hit.

With a blink of my eyes the surroundings all changed. Now I found myself in an underground cave with all our people lined up to the far side, everybody’s arms tied above their head. Abby, Marcus, #Nate, #Kyle all screaming, trying to free themselves, looking on as I lay there on the bed.

My body fighting, the taste of blood in my mouth from the ear I’d just bitten off from the guard trying to tie me down. I knew then that I was going to die, that I’d failed Bellamy and Clarke. I knew they were trying to get into Mount Weather and here I was about to be tortured.

I refused to scream, to show pain until my body could no longer take it. The sound of the drill wasn’t just heard by the ears, but it was felt in the back of my jaw too. And the screams I could hear now were coming from me. The thin drill was digging into my flesh and then it hit my hip bone.

≋≋≋≋

“NO!!!!!”

My body jerked up off the bed and the pillows fell to the ground. Strands of my hair stuck to my face with the beads of sweat from the fear and the pain that was so real in the moment. As my eyes frantically search all the way around the dimly lit lab. My eyes were seeing the lab, and yet my mind and heart were telling me that I was stuck in Mount Weather.

My hands darted up to my neck searching for the collar, I rubbed my wrists looking for the bounds.

“No.. Not again.. Not…”

Pushing myself up and off the bed my body hit the table and then my legs gave out from under and I hit the floor hard.

“Not again.. Not again..”

I tried to pull myself up, to drag myself across the ground, to get out of here. I needed to be free from it all.

= John =

The music did sort of soften the harsh tone that the regular rhythmic beeps of the machine hooked up to the mechanic. After a while, her breathing got a little deeper and I knew she was finally and really out.

I moved back to the side of the bed silently and rested the back of my fingers to her forehead, stepping away when she didn’t feel too warm to the touch.

I couldn’t stay sitting for long before I felt sleep trying to take me over. I got up and moved around the room, watching for movement or any signs of the others, not because I wanted to see them… but what else was I going to do? Stand over her while she slept?

#Jackson appeared at one stage and spotted me through the glass. When he saw Raven sleeping; he just left - after giving me a look that said to call him when she was awake. I dismissed him with a tired nod.

I probably should’ve had #Luna take the first watch, but I knew my subconscious was already working on reasons why I didn’t need to go when she came to relieve me. I just had a bad feeling that something was going to happen when I finally did close my eyes. Whether it was here or in one of the offices.

I had returned to the chair, I sat forward so as not to fall asleep. It felt like eight hours had passed, but it couldn’t be, #Luna said she’d be back in four and she wouldn’t be late.

My elbows were propped on my knees and my head was buried in them. I closed my stinging eyes, just to give them a short break from the low light. I felt myself start to tip forward, and I wasn’t sure what it was that brought me around. The feeling that I was about to fall out of the chair or Raven bolting up in the bed.

The terror on her face was unsettling, it was a look I’d seen before, the same one that people have right before they realise, they were moments from death.

“Raven!” I called to her as I lurched towards her; she practically flung herself over the other side of the bed and hit the floor with a sickening thud. The machines she was attached to rattled and tilted forward almost falling, before the E.K.G wire snapped free from the sensors stuck to her and the monitor flatlined.

I shoved the table out of the way and moved around to her as she pulled herself across the floor, repeating “Not again.” It could mean so many things, this woman had experienced more horrors than all of us combined. I dropped to my knees and grabbed her arms, pulling her against me.

“Raven, It’s okay. It’s John.” I tried to ease the panic out of my voice and soften it as #Luna did. “You’re safe. It was a dream.” I leaned back against something cold, I pinned her arms to her sides and wrapped my legs around the lower half of her struggling body.

“Ai giv ai op.” I whispered to her. “Gon nemiyon, kom Lanik-de.” (I give myself up to the miracle of the sea.)

I took a deep breath myself, feeling my lungs expanding in the non-existent space between my chest and her back.

“Breathe, Raven. Say the words.” I whispered.

“Ai giv ai op… gon nemiyon… kom Lanik-de. Yu's kilr.” ( I give myself up to the miracle of the sea… You're safe.)

= Raven =

The smell in my nose was so potent, I remembered everything from the time. The taste of the blood, the fear from what was to come and the sights of all those I cared about who would be next, followed by the helplessness of it all. My nightmare had pulled me in so deep that knowing the difference between the now and then was difficult.

“No.. No.. Let Me Go” I pushed and Punched out. My arm was being tugged back and then my eyes honed into the I.V. needle under my skin, and I pulled it out to free myself from it. Before I knew it, I was being pulled back again.

I wanted to free myself, to run towards the shadow to the far side of the lab calling me towards it, and yet these arms around me took a hold and wouldn’t free me. “Let Go!” I shrieked needing to get away. That was when I felt my back being pulled into somebody’s arms and into their chest. Legs came around me to keep me in place. I tugged and pulled until the whispers from a far came to flow in my ears. ‘ “Ai giv ai op gon nemiyon, kom Lanik-de.” (I give myself up to the miracle of the sea.)’ I knew those words. I knew the voice. But it wasn’t the one I was expecting to hear.

“Luna?” I whisper over the hiccup of tears now rolling down my cheeks, and the heaving in my chest. And then I heard it again. “John?” I just managed to part my lips to allow the words out. My chest was in pain and my mind was slowly starting to calm, my adrenalin had been spiking with my fight or flight still trying to make me move.

My eyes focused on the foot of the bio bed, the pillows on the floor before me, the arms holding me and the voice trying to pull me back towards it.

“Not there, Safe. Safe.” Again, my voice was raspy as I allowed John to calm me. Telling myself to listen, I knew that John was here, he was with me and he could be trusted. I was safe. I was rocking back and forward, my hands resting up on the arms holding me as I blinked back the tears.

“Ai giv ai op Gon nemiyon, kom Lanik-de.” (I give myself up to the miracle of the sea.). Whispering it as I had done so many times before. I knew now that I was indeed safe. “Just a dream.” A nightmare trying to pull me out of the safety of reality and into the darkness.

Slowing down, my eyes, mind and heart now all in the same place. My glance darting all over the room and I remembered where I was. “I’m sorry. I’m okay.”

= John =

When I saw the flash of blood on her arm from her ripping out the I.V. I clamped my hand around the crook of her elbow to try and stop the bleeding, there didn’t seem to be enough blood to worry too much about. But, she could have torn the vein to shreds. I should have been faster; I shouldn’t have been half asleep. #Luna would have been faster.

She started to calm down; the heart monitor was still flat-lining next to the bed. Then she said my name. “It’s me, Raven. You’re okay.”

She whispered the words and I unwrapped my legs from around her, still keeping my arms across her chest. “There’s no such thing as just a dream.” I whispered. I wasn’t a stranger to powerful nightmares, when they came, they were impossible to shake off.

“You’ve nothing to be sorry for.” I eased my hold on her and turned her slightly so I could peel my hand away from the cut on her arm, the semi-dry blood sticking my skin to hers. I turned to face her, as close now as they were when I was carrying her to her bed… but this time the thoughts of invading her space, or awkwardness were completely overshadowed by the need to look after her.

“Let’s get you cleaned up.” I offered as comforting a smile as I could muster.

There were heavy footfalls in the lab now. I slipped my arm under Raven’s knees and twisted myself to lean my shoulder against the metal cabinet. I clambered to my feet as smoothly as I could manage with her in my arms, carried her back to the bed and lay her back down. Then hit the button to raise up the head of the bed a little.

The footsteps reached the tops of the stairs. I took Raven’s hand and place two fingers into the crook of her arm and bent her elbow up. “Keep the pressure on that for a second.”

I made my way to the door and blocked the others from rushing in all at once. #Harper crashed into me. “No! We are not doing this again. Jackson... Luna…” I nodded into the room and they squeezed passed the others. They all knew what I meant, the way they all crowded and grabbed for her when she first woke up.

“Raven is fine. The rest of you can go.” I pushed the door closed as the others moved back out of the room. I went back to Raven’s side. I watched #Jackson as he checked her over and jabbed the power button on the heart monitor until Doc Lite decided if he was going to reattach it or not.

= Raven =

I didn’t trust my voice not to betray me of the fear that was coursing through me in that moment in time. When my glance dropped to my hands they were shaking, and he was slowly letting me go. His legs unwind from around mine, and even though he was still holding me around my chest I felt his hold loosen ever so slightly.

John’s voice was easy, calm, and cool. Something I could hold on to and count myself down from the ledge I’d found myself on. ‘There’s no such thing as justa dream’. I couldn’t disagree with him on such a point. It wasn’t a Dreamit was a nightmare, one of many which haunted me and never let it’s hold go from around my neck.

My body shifted, his arms back around me and then I was off the ground. He had me pressed up against his chest again and I had nothing to do, say or think about this time around. “I—” my voice was shaking still, so I stopped to pull myself together and tried again. “—I’m sorry, that was stupid of me.”

He placed me on the bed my elbow bent, and I put pressure on the place my I.V. needle had once been connected as he asked. I was slowly coming down from the pains of uncertainty.

I didn’t dare look up at the sounds coming from the door, instead I closed my eyes seeing the flash of the guards’ face when I did that. My eyes darted open and I overheard the conversation taking place.

‘Reivon, chit ste Disha? (Raven, what is this?)’ #Luna had rushed in and like a flash she was stood by the bed and was checking me over. Only when she was sure that I was okay did her eyes leave me to frown at John.

#Jackson was closely following her, bypassing the monitors to check my face, head, my arm and then he scowled. ‘Have you been drinking?’ His eyes moving to John.

“Yes, I have because I’m grown arse and I can drink if I want to. And really.. It’s nothing, would you both stop please. It was nothing and it wasn’t Johns fault. I just jerked out of the bed, the mansion with the big beds it’s spoiled me.”

I wasn’t attempting to be rude to them both, I was just trying to take the attention off them looking at John in the way they were. He’d done nothing wrong; he was trying to help me. #Jackson stepped back and disappeared before returning holding a tray with some alcohol and bandages on it. He took my arm and started to clean the blood away to see if I’d caused any real damage.

“I’m sorry guys really I am.”

= John =

“It’s okay.” I whispered when her attention was drawn to the bloody spot on her arm. “After my first stay here, I almost crawled right into a campfire. If it wasn’t for Emori I wouldn’t be this pretty anymore.” I offered her the most comforting smile I could manage.

I wasn’t sure why, but I needed her to know she wasn’t the only one that carried around these demons, that came out to terrorize us in our sleep. So far Emori was the only one to witness it, she was the only one that was ever close enough to, while we travelled together, and she thought the tricks of her trade.

I took a place standing next to #Luna when she asked what was happening. “Reskripa.” (Nightmare.) I whispered to #Luna. I didn’t think Raven would mind her knowing; the pair seemed to share a bond. “Ai don bilaik lagas. Em don hon laksen.” (I was too slow. She got hurt.)

The nightblood rested her hand on my arm and squeezed before her full attention went back to Raven.

“It was just an accident #Jackson.” I tried to back up Raven’s story and change the subject. “She’s had no fever… there were no tremors. It wasn’t a seizure.”

“Yeah, accidents happen when you’re drunk.” #Jackson muttered, and we both rolled our eyes for different reasons.

“She wasn’t-” I shook my head; I gave up there was no point arguing with him. I knew the wine had nothing to do with it. If her dreams were always this bad it was probably the only reason, she got to sleep at all. I gave Raven a look that pleaded with her to leave it alone. I didn’t regret sneaking in the bottle, the food. Raven relaxed, had some fun.

The doctors had one goal: how to keep her alive as long as they could. I saw my role a little differently; yes, trying to keep her alive was one, but we knew she was dying and I was trying to balance keeping her alive with keeping what life she had left worth living.

If that meant a few dirty looks from #EricJackson… then so be it.

I heard Raven’s apology and just as I rested my hand on the wrist of her uninjured arm, #Luna leaned over her and brushed her hair back off her face.

“It’s okay.” I said with a smile. Luna seemed to be keeping her eyes away from #Jackson; I knew she hated to lie unless it was absolutely necessary.

“All that matters is you’re safe.” #Luna whispered to her and my own words from moments ago, were mirrored back to me, I felt the same pang in my chest, as I did when she was fighting to get away from whatever it was that had her so afraid when she woke up.

= Raven =

My eyes were darting around the lab, the dark shadow was back and moving and hiding with the others standing around me. They were talking and I could see it didn’t want to be seen. But could they even see it or was it all me? Had something followed me out from the Blue forest? What did it want? Why was it here? All questions running through my mind. But more so I felt it was being feed by the fear from the nightmare I’d live again.

The pain behind my eyes was back once again, I was sure whatever pain med’s Abby and #Jackson had been giving me when I was out had worked their way out of my system, the I.V. was gone and I wasn’t going to give #Jackson a reason to reattach it to me again. Without the I.V. holding me back I could free myself from here. The more I looked around the more the urge to run had started to develop.

It wasn’t until I heard John say ‘It wasn’t a seizure’ to #Jackson did I realise that I’d drifted from the now and back into my mind. My glance moved down to my arm and I was shocked or surprised, I’m not sure which one to find John holding me. But then again, after what he’d just witnessed, I was sure he didn’t want to take any chances of me falling out of the bio bed again.

Closing my eyes when #Luna’s fingers touched my skin and she brushed away my messy hair. I just nod. They were trying to comfort me. But it was #Jacksons dig that fired me up. My hands fisted and that rage was in my eyes. My heart spiked and I knew this was not me. This was not me, I repeated to myself. my jaws clenching tight I repeated John and #Luan’s words to bring my down from the steep cliffs of the darkness before it consumed me once again.

“Jax! – “ I saw John shift himself into my view and in his baby blue eyes there were unsaid words. He was telling me something just as #Luna did without the need of words. But the fact that I understood them shocked me into stopping myself from continuing. Pulling my eyebrows together I swallowed back my anger. “—Please just drop it.” Is all I said to him, but I found my gaze back on John questioning as to why he didn’t want me to correct #Jackson. Why was he taking the blame for something he didn’t do? Something that wasn’t his fault?

= John =

I tried my best not to follow her eyes around the room and draw #Jackson’s attention to it. Which was crazy, he was her doctor, if she was seeing things; that seemed like kind of important information. Information that could change the tests and treatments that they gave her… but nobody was working on a solution for what was happening to Raven. Whatever Abby was working on now was something to do with nightblood. Something to do with why Marcus was here… why he used me to get here without anyone knowing until it was too late.

Not that it bothered me that he used me like this… it was something I would’ve done in his place; it had given me a whole new respect for the man if I was honest. Raven started to protest again with #Jackson. But then seemed to drop it; with my urging. It wasn't worth an argument... What was he going to do? Scowl at me. I restrained my grin at the thought.

Once he had the cut on her arm taken care of, he started to assemble a few things on a tray. "I'll be right back with more fluids." He went to move past me and I cleared my throat to catch his attention. "Is that necessary? She's awake; she's well able to keep herself hydrated." I could tell that #Jackson wanted to say something snippy about the wine again, but I flashed him a charming (More condescending) smile.

"Yes, it is. She's still recovering, we need to-"

"We need to get her back to work... And out of that bed. She's in pain from staying in one place all day. We need to get her moving again. Not thinking about other ways to keep her in the bed." I was still smiling like I was asking a close friend for a favour. #Jackson looked from me to Raven; I could see him overthinking it. "Give her something for the pain now, wait a few hours and if you aren't happy with her condition then you can hook her up to whatever you want. She's had food and she’s drinking plenty of water too." I stressed the word because denying she'd been drinking wine was pointless at this stage.

Doc Lite sighed and I knew he was caving; I also knew Raven would not be happy about taking the painkillers. But I knew she was hurting; I could see the heaviness in her eyes and the thump she made when she hit the floor was still replaying in my head and sickening my stomach. I knew it had to have hurt. I didn't think she needed to be in the bed eight more hours with another saline drip and after what had just happened, I didn't think that she'd like the restriction it caused. I had a feeling she wouldn’t sleep easily if she was hooked up to it again.

#Jackson moved back to the side of the bed, picked up a bottle of pills and gave Raven a look. "I need you to take two of these and drink plenty of water." #Jackson set the pills in her hand and filled a cup from the jug by the bed.

"Oh!" I added with a hint of a grin as he stood and waited to see if she would take the pills. "And she needs her brace... just so she can use the bathroom in peace and everything. Don't worry... we'll help her, but seriously? At least let her pee in private... she's not a prisoner." The look on #Jackson's face was stern but one corner of his mouth curled up, almost like he was impressed.

= Raven =

My hands fisted up as the darkness reared its head again. I didn’t know what it was that #Luna saw in me when it happened, but her hand was on my leg and she squeezed it to pull my attention to her. When my gaze was on her, I saw her lips moving. Mouthing the same words repeatedly. I didn’t need her to say them out loud, this was the mantra she and now John used to bring me back so often that I didn’t need them to say it out loud.

“Ai giv ai op Gon nemiyon, kom Lanik-de.” (I give myself up to the miracle of the sea.). Repeating it a few times and just like that the sensation of calm eased its way all around me.

By the time both #Luna and I turned our attention back to the room the conversation between John and #Jackson had taken a turn. I shifted myself to sit up straighter now, ready for a fight with #Jackson on being put back on the I.V. But John was on a roll.

#Luna and I gave one another a look and then we both at the same time turned to watch the two men talking. I could feel my jaw dropping open listening to how John was actually defending me to #Jackson. The way he was counter reacting to the points #Jackson would make and sometimes he was ahead of the game too.

I had to watch closely and see how every now and then #Jackson would look uncertain of his words, and it was astonishing to witness. I had to wonder if this was how others viewed me when I was at my best and using my mind at ‘full power’ to build an idea into something real?

‘We need to get her back to work’ Now John was pleading my case and taking my side on the need to work?

‘Out of that bed.’ After all he’d done to keep me in bed on days when I just wanted to be rid of him?

‘We need to get her moving again. Not thinking about other ways to keep her in the bed.’ My jaw was on the ground now and my eyes wide open. Who was this guy and where was John? Was I still dreaming? Or was this a nightmare dressed up as a dream to make me feel comfortable before the rug was pulled out from under me?

If John and #Luna hadn’t been holding me, I was sure I was going to fall out of the bed again. John asked for my brace back. He wasn’t joking before when he said, he would go and try to find it, and that he didn’t know where it was.

Once #Jackson handed me the pills, then gave me a glass I looked at them. The pain was never gone for me. But I didn’t want the medication for a few reasons, the main one was that I didn’t want to take these pills away from somebody else who really could need them more than I did right now.

‘Rey’s that’s the deal. You take the pills and I will bring you your brace. It’s up to you.’ Begrudgingly I placed two pills on my tongue with a mouthful of water and swallowed them down. #Jackson stood there watching me closely.

“Do not dare ask me to open my mouth to show you. I won’t waste medication in that way Jax.” He seemed pleased and finally excused himself. My attention moved fully to John as had #Luna’s.

“Who are you and where is John? Also, don’t think about how and where I need to pee. Dude! That’s just wrong in more ways than one.” I grimaced before both #Luna and I bust out in a little laughter.

= John =

I couldn't help but smirk, with one short speech I had managed to get #Jackson to agree to give back her brace and not 'Tie her down'... I knew hooking up another I.V. wasn't the same. But after a nightmare like that, I knew she needed to feel free to move when she needed to, and I got Raven to take something for her pain. I'd just need to find another way to get her to take it easy until Abby cleared her to move around the lab.

I smiled as #Jackson headed out of the door. "You need to make sure she doesn't do too much too fast." He made sure to say as he passed. "I'll be back with your brace." He called back before the door swung closed.

I laughed at Raven and shook my head. "Hey... I'm getting you your brace back! But... You still need to listen to them, okay? I know they are babying you a little. But they just want to slow whatever is going on up here." I had moved back to the bed and tapped my finger to the middle of her forehead for a split second.

I looked up to make sure #Jackson wasn’t coming back yet. "Are you okay?" I examined her more closely than I had a chance to before everyone had shown up at the door. "You hit the ground pretty hard. I'm sorry I didn't get to you before you fell." A stab of guilt penetrated my side and I dropped my gaze to somewhere around her knees.

The only marks I could see on her other than the bandage on her elbow was the redness starting to show on her other arm and I couldn't tell if it was from the fall or me when I restrained her. "Looks like you'll be getting a bruise." I motioned to the arm that would have otherwise been uninjured.

I knew it wasn’t bad… and I knew I had to calm her down before she did even more damage to herself. But I had caused this girl so much pain… adding to it now… I couldn’t wrap my head around that.

= Raven =

Giving #Jackson a small nod, I wasn’t sure if he really would bring me my brace, and now I was wondering whose idea it had been to take it away from me in the first place? Moving my eyes back to the far side of the lab, the shadow was still there but right now it was silent which I was thankful for.

The taste of iron/ blood still in my mouth from the nightmare? From the nightmare in which I relived biting off a man’s ear. Knowing full well it was a nightmare I lived in my short life on this earth. But when I moved my tongue around in my mouth, I realised that I’d at some point bitten into it. The edge of my tongue had started to swell up a little.

#Luna returned to my side with John and she held out another full glass of water. ‘Drein daun Ogeda kom Disha’ (Drink all of this). The look she gave was a little sterner than normal. ‘You have to listen here now Raven. We can’t and will not stand by and watch you in pain. You are not going to joke about the end, and you are not going to lie about your pain.’

I didn’t have time to reply to her before John was by my side again too. I closed my eyes listening to them both and once again. “I feel like a kid being scolded here.” The voice was a whisper and I kicked myself for letting my thoughts out like this.

“I am okay, or I will be.” Glancing over to the door to make sure nobody was there. “It was a nightmare, not the first and it won’t be the last. I’m sorry if I scared the two of you. And John.” Looking at him, I tugged on the sleeve of his shirt. “This wasn’t your fault, none of this was on you. Please believe me.”

Turning my attention to #Luna “And the same goes for you Wise One. Please don’t take this on your shoulders.”

My gaze fell on the bruise John had been pointing out and I rubbed it. “It’s okay, it has plenty of company. It won’t feel alone on my body.” Bruises from the brace, from the knocks I got on the job, from the scars all over my skin. It was a shock to me if I looked down in the shower and I couldn’t find at least two or three of them.

= John =

I could see her watching something, following it around the room with her eyes and it was worrying. Worrying wasn't the right word... it was terrifying.

To think that there was something in her so strong and dangerous that it was manifesting itself even while she was awake.

I saw her jaw work and a little wince of pain, there was something else wrong. I nodded when she spoke, but I had been battling sleep instead of watching over her. Now I couldn’t sleep even if I tried. “Yeah… well, maybe when they let you out of here, you’ll get some better rest back at the Mansion. At least the beds are more comfortable.”

Really what I meant was bigger, and lower to the ground so even if she did jump up and fall it wouldn’t be as far, and she’d land on the thick carpet, not…

I physically shuddered as the sickening slap of her body on the hard, glossy floor, replayed in my head, followed by the flat-lining heart monitor. My attention flitting to the spot where she had ripped out the I.V. but there was no blood on the floor that I could see. ‘Shake it off!’ I told myself.

I knew she was trying to be comforting pointing out that she had plenty of bruises. “Tell me about it.” I tried to sound as normal as I could. “Since arriving here I think they’ve actually started to heal.”

I looked down at myself as if the ones that littered my body were visible but other than the scars on my hands they were all concealed by my clothes. Her blood was still caked, dried now, on my hands; I must have rubbed them together at some point. My split lip had healed quickly, it was barely noticeable now, and I couldn’t feel it anymore. “I think this is the least injured I’ve been since we landed.” I was sure there were a few brown and yellow bruises still to fade away here and there… but barring any more fights. I could probably be bruise-free and another few days. As I spoke, I poured a little water onto some of the cotton #Jackson had used to clean Raven up and started to clean the blood away.

“I am sorry about that one though.” I said, not putting too much emphasis on the apology. After all, she had just ripped a needle out of her arm and with the state she was in; there was no telling what she might have done next. That was when I heard the door open again and #Jackson stepped inside with the brace in hand.

I smiled at him, a little smug and took it. “Thanks, Doc Lite.”

He looked passed me to Raven and started to speak. “Just don’t go runnin—“

“It’s fine Jackson. You’ve done your job. Let me do mine.” I cut him off and with a loud huff, he left muttering something about ‘Why the hell they brought me along?’ but I didn’t quite catch it. I just laughed. I held up the brace and beamed. “Told you I’d get it back.” I set it down on the chair…

“But only for when you need it. At least, until the Doc releases you.”= Raven =

“Home” The word was another whisper. In so long I’d not allowed myself to feel the way I had here on Becca’s Island. With the knowhow that we were safe here, that there was food to eat and wine ( I mean Water ) to drink. That we had a place to rest our heads without the need for keeping one eye open all the time. It was becoming clear not just me, but the rest of the team too were starting to let our guard down a little.

There were times when I thought of it and how we were living here, when the rest of our people still lived in fear. That I thought we were fools because this peace and the mansion were going to have to be left behind at some point. And then what would we do? Sleeping on hard cots and or the ground, eats slop or rationing what little we had to share with everybody. It was going to be a shock.

“Maybe it’s time for me to get used to sleeping in small spaces again. There are no beds the size of the ones in the mansion in the bunker I am sure of that.” Shaking my head, the voice of #Becca from the Blue forest was in my mind. ‘You need to go out in a blaze of glory Raven Reyes.’ Which I knew wouldn’t happen in a bunker underground.

As he cleaned his hands I frowned. “You have nothing to apologise for John, trust me it’s going to be fine.” I glimpse up at him when he spoke of his bruises and my eyes were on his lips. Not for any other reason but to see the faint mark left there from when I punched him in the face.

Thinking back to that day, the sound of our fighting, me screaming at him. And the way my fist hit his mouth. I winced and shifted on the bed. But before I could say anything the door behind John opened and #Jackson walked in. my glance moved to his hand and what he was carrying with him. I couldn’t help the smile forming on my face at the sight of my brace.

“There it is.” Again, John was stood between #Jackson and me and I raised my eyebrow. What was going on with him. Once again, he jumped on everything #Jackson was saying and practically dismissed #Jackson from the room.

‘John you need to stop that, Jackson is only trying to help Raven.’ #Luna said after #Jackson had gone. She was telling him off, but I could see she was a little proud of him at the same time.

“Thanks John, you are on a roll today, coming through on your promises man. Keep it up!” Without thinking I was rubbing my hands waiting for my brace to be given to me.

But when he didn’t give it to me, I frowned a little. “Wait! What happened to ‘We need to get her back to work’ and ‘We need her out of that bed’? Why can’t I have the brace now?” He had taken the brace from #Jackson and instead of giving it to me, he put it on top of the chair I’d been sitting in just out of my reach.

“What if I really Promised not to Run? Not like I can do that anyway. I’m more of a hop, skip and jump kind of a gal these days really!” I tried to joke; my eyes set on the brace.

= John =

I tried to ignore the weird feeling when she said the word 'Home.' But the Mansion had become a place of calm, at least since the last time Raven and I screamed at each other. But that seemed like ancient history now, in reality, it was only days ago.

But it was fully stocked with food, so much so that everyone could eat until they were full. The turn of a tap and you had water... and showers. Hot Showers! Clean clothes... music. Maybe that was the right word.

Everyone seemed to be at ease there, even moving freely and unarmed. I even saw #Harper walking around barefoot one morning. My boots didn't come off unless I was showering and then they went right back on. I had to be ready to get up and run at a moment’s notice; because that was the nature of the world, we lived in

"Raven... you'll adapt no matter where you go. Enjoying the momentary comfort, we have here is not going to make you soft."

I cleared my throat when #Luna told me to go easier on #Jackson. Being an ass to him wasn't without its entertainment value, but there was a reason for it too. I needed him to leave so I could bring up the elephant in the room. I turned to Raven and scoffed at her. "You don't need the brace right now; you need rest." I moved to the side of the bed and rested my palms flat on the hard mattress of the bio bed.

"And I need you not able to run so we can talk about what else is going on with you. I know it's not just nightmares, Raven. I've seen you... following... something with your eyes. It's happened a few times now. What are you hallucinating?" I kept my voice slow and even, there was no accusation or hardness in my tone. #Luna looked up at me as my eyes flitted to the last corner, I had seen her fixate on and then back to Raven. "We can't help you if you don't tell us what's going on."

= Raven =

#Luna’s eyes had moved to the far side of the lab and then back on John and then me. ‘Yu seintaim? Ai yu don ai op em dula'm op seintaim’ ( You too? I have seen her do it too. )

#Luna moved my leg a little to the side, making room for herself to sit cross legged at the bottom of the bed. They were both watching me now, trying to find something in my eyes, in the way I twitched at the realisation that the #Watcher really hadn’t stop doing his thing, even with the world falling apart around us. Then again, we had to give him some credit, he and #Luna were taking this newfound role as my guardians seriously.

“What—” for the first time I didn’t have words to say. Okay that was a lie, I had words. Lots of words to say, I had enough words to fill the City of Light around hundred times over. But could I spout any of those out to them? The extent of my melting brain was not a secret from these two people. They had witnessed the highs and the lows. My gaze moving to Johns lip again and the mark left from one of the times he witnessed a low. And again, it made me cringe at the sight and more so the memory of what I did.

“I don’t – “ licking my bottom lip, ‘—Know what you are talking about’ was what I wanted to say. But I couldn’t make the rest of the words flow from my mouth. I wanted to tell them/ him it was ‘nothing’, until I remembered my own words to John about not hiding, about us being a dysfunctional family. About being better now than we had been when we came to Becca’s island.

Dropping my eyes from the two of them. It was hard, too hard to keep up the eye contact with these two people. When my mind was thinking of lying to them. After all they had done for me. Could I lie? Couldn’t I laugh it off and tell them it was them who were clearly seeing things?

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath looking back up when the decision was made. My eyes bypassing the two sets of eyes glancing back at me, and mine were on the shadows dancing over the walls.

“I don’t know what it is. So far, it’s a shadow, with A.L.I.E’s voice.” Dragging my fingers over my messy hair. “No. Becca’s voice.”

= John =

My eyes turned to Luna. “Hod op… Yu seintaim?” (Wait... you too?) I had seen her following Raven’s darting gaze, but I wasn’t sure she figured out it was a hallucination. #Luna gave me a curt nod before she sat crossed legged on the bed with Raven again.

I could see the battle raging in her, the want to release the burden of it all. The anxiety: maybe even a little fear of what it would mean to say it out loud, how things would change once it was known. I knew people would look at her differently if they knew. Hell, even I would. I could try not to but, could I do it? I had no idea. Would I always be waiting for the flicker in her eyes that told me so loudly that there was something out in her world that the rest of us couldn’t see? Did it frighten her? Did it mean her death was closer than we thought? Did it hurt?

Maybe it was me she couldn’t tell. I couldn’t blame her after everything I had done. I should leave her with #Luna and let her get it off her chest, maybe if she talked about it she’d realise it wasn’t real and be able to manage her visions. I made the decision, I’d leave. I’d leave the girls and let them discuss it, let #Luna work her Zen magic. But no words came out of my mouth to tell them so. My feet stayed planted to the floor and my hands flat on the edge of her bed. I couldn’t even move my eyes towards the door.

Then she was talking.

And the words that came out of her mouth were more terrifying than anything I could have imagined. A.L.I.E. made sense but she thought it was Becca? That was petrifying. I heaved a sigh and stepped closer to the head of the bed, closer to her and locked my light blue eyes on hers. It felt oddly intense. “Raven, Becca is dead. Becca was not in that code it’s the Bitch in the Red Dress. You know that.” She had to know that. “You cannot trust a hallucination.” Telling her this seemed far more important than finding out what the voice was saying.

I knew she admired Becca. Misguided as she was… the woman was a bloody genius. But the idea of Raven believing she had Becca in her mind when it was most likely A.L.I.E. was scary. That psychotic A.I. had a survival instinct and Raven was a key factor in her destruction. She had blown up the world, I believed her very capable of revenge. Clarke was untouchable to her once the Flame was removed, but she still had her digital claws in Raven. All she had to do was squeeze. The Flame… that sparked a memory.

“Becca is in the Flame, Raven. Not A.L.I.E’s code.”

= Raven =

His eyes landed on me and I flinched back into the pillows behind me. I wanted to look away from him. Hells! He was too close for me to hide the uncertainty I didn’t want anybody to see in me. I couldn’t pull my hazel eyes away from him. And at the same time, I could feel the glare of #Luna on me too. Her hand was resting on my leg and she squeezed it, if I had to make a presumption, it was to tell me I wasn’t alone.

I was the strong one, the one who always used my brain and not my heart as much as the rest of my friends. But with my brain melting what role did I have? None. And now with them knowing or starting to see that I was walking a thin line between reality, fantasy and madness, how could they trust in anything I said or did going forward from here?

“John, do you believe I am unaware? that I don’t know how this sounds? I know Becca is dead. And I know the AI is in the code. But—” How could I explain this to him. To them? They weren’t there in the Blue forest with me. They didn’t see how Becca had fought to pull me out from that darkness. How she had guided my path back here to them.

“—Where do you think the code from the Flame and the AI came from? Where do you believe that code was stored before Becca downloaded it to the chip for the flame? Where do you think she thought about all those things and came up with the plans?” My free hand moved up all around us to the lab we had been in for days now. “It is all here, and it is all here.” I tapped the side of my head.

“I don’t know how she is doing it, or why. But Becca had the mind of a genuine GENIUS!” I hadn’t really put much thought into any of this, #Luna and John were getting the raw dump of my thoughts as they were forming. Between my so called ‘Nap’ and with everyone hovering all over me since I’d woken up, I really hadn’t had the time to think and work anything out.

“I know I sound crazy, I know that you both will think I am losing it. Whatever 𝙞𝙩 is. But I am not. I promise you I have a strong hold on this. I will work it out.”

There was no way I would tell them that I was planning on holding out as long as it took to save the all. There was no coming back from this for me, but hells. I was going to fight to save my friends one last time.

= John =

I listened and kept my eyes on her, she seemed to be a healthy mix of calm and frustrated, I didn’t pick up any defensiveness that made me feel like she was hiding something. But when she said, “Do you believe I am unaware?” I could see she was fully aware. I nodded and broke eye contact just for a second.

“Okay, Raven. If you’re sure it’s Becca…” I shrugged and exhaled. “Then I believe you, I mean no one knows A.L.I.E. better than you.” I shuddered; the voice when she spoke to me in Arkadia after the psycho computer program made her slit her own wrists, came rushing back. I had only ever heard the Digital Devil speak in the mansion here, but the eerie similarities, the slow modular pattern and emotionless inflexion of the voice as it left Raven’s lips… I would never forget it. The way she shrieked fought in the trading-post all came rushing back, then the sickening pop when she dislocated her shoulder and tried to bash her head in by her sheer force of will. I tried to shake off, but the memories clung to the forefront of my mind.

“Just please, keep doing the Reyes thing… and use your logic when it comes to whatever you see or hear.” Then I sighed, I knew I had to bring up the next thing on my mind and I knew it was going to be a controversial topic. But maybe we didn’t need to talk about it right now.

“At some stage, we need to talk about telling all of this to Abby.” I kept my eyes fixed on Raven.

“She’ll understand… she’s seeing things too. She hasn’t admitted it but I know… You saw how she reacted to Marcus. She wasn’t sure if he was really here or not.”

= Raven =

My eyes widened at two facts, 1. He believed me? He was taking my word for it, when I said that I knew what I was hearing. Hells I wasn’t even sure I knew. But the assumption was there for me. I had the same feelings when I heard this voice in my mind as I had the never-ending night in the blue forest. So, how could it not be her trying to speak to me now after all that happened, she was trying to mess with me or trying to help me who knew at this point?

And 2. The fact that he wanted to tell Abby? What was he thinking about? Was he thinking at all right now?

I moved my glance towards #Luna, but she was unreadable. The Wise one was back on top form once again.

“Are you joking right now?” My voice came out a little louder than I had intended it to do. “No, no way. Do you know what she will do if she finds out? No. No. Not Happening John. No!” I was shaking my head, sitting upright and tugging at the blanket which had been moved to cover my lower body partly.

‘Jon ste ait, Oso souda gon tell em Reivon’ (John is right, we must tell her Raven). I shook my head.

“You are agreeing with him too?” Why were those two intelligent people not understanding the situation? “They will stop me from doing anything. They will stop me from helping all of you. They will make me sit here and watch as the world is consumed by the death wave and then what will that do to me? How do you both expect me to sit back and watch it all fall apart all around me? We can 𝙉𝙤𝙩 tell Abby, or Clarke, or well— Any of them downstairs.”

Dragging my hands through my messy hair again, I tried so hard not to pay attention to the movement on the far side of the lab. I couldn’t give them anymore reasons to bench me from the end game we all were here to fight.

= John =

I watched her closely; I was scared she’d have another seizure, maybe something worse. I was grateful for #Luna’s back up, she trusted Abby and I knew that. I wrapped my fingers around Raven’s wrist and tried to unfurl her fingers fisted in the blanket. “Raven, we’re just talking about it.” My blue eyes found hazel ones and bore into them. “We just want you to think about it, please? Maybe we can hold off until we find out why Kane is here.”

I let go of her, I had no idea why I kept thinking it was okay to touch her. Sure… it was just her hand, but still... I couldn’t figure out why it was the first thing I did when I wanted to calm her down. If anything that was going to upset her even more, or just piss her off.

“I not going to promise you that I won’t tell them.” I admitted with a sigh. “But I will promise to tell you before I do it. And if you have another…” I shuddered I couldn’t say it, so I skipped the word. “All bets are off if you don’t wake up after.” I meant it too, but I knew it would be better if they heard it from her. I didn’t know why she was so adamant. Abby was seeing things too… she would understand and as much as I hated to admit it. With the rocket rendered useless; the bunker was our last option.

I couldn’t understand why no one was looking for a way to save Raven. She had spent every second in this place searching for a solution, figuring out how to get to space and back with the cure safely. She’d almost killed herself doing it, too. Why weren’t they looking for a way to get this crap out of her head? Why hadn’t they told us what they were working on yet?

= Raven =

My eyes darted down to my hand as he tried to make me let go of the blanket. I did it, I let the blanket go. But I pulled my hand away from him too.

Was he trying to Manipulate me into believing he was on my side? Because his words affirmed, he was anything but. Holding my hand out. “May I have my brace? I’m done with this conversation. It’s not like I have a say in what is private to me and what you all want to gossip about. All of You treat me like I don’t know what is best for me. You will soon start to treat me like I am a liability. When I know I am nothing but an integral part of this team!!”

My voice had stayed calm, but the darkness was bubbling up inside of me. The voice whispering in my mind ‘I told you, they will never see you in the same way. No matter what you do or say. You are spent, your Brain is spent, and they don’t have any use for you anymore.’

I closed my eyes and my hands moving to cover my ears. Looking down at the bed it was all starting to go dark before my eyes. The pain was shooting up behind my eyes.

“No. You don’t know what you are talking about. I am. I am.”

Growling, my leg jerked and then I felt a hand on it holding it in place. ‘Breathe, Raven. Breathe. John, hold her.’ It was #Luna’s voice but it was so far away.

“No! Don’t touch me! Don’t hold me. You cannot keep me locked up!!!” I cried out.

The pain felt like hot daggers being dug into the back of my head and eyes. Searing through my flesh and my eyeballs.

“FUCK!”

= John =

Shit! Shit! Shit! What the hell had I been thinking? Everything had gone pretty well since she woke up and in twenty seconds, I undid it all. “Raven, wait!” I tried to calm her down, not touching her this time. I knew I screwed up.

“You’re not a liability Raven, no one thinks that.” She was gone; I could see it in her eyes. Then all of a sudden she wasn’t talking to us anymore. Fuck! She was going to seize again. I turned to get her brace, keeping her confined now was only going to stress her out more and bolster what this shadowy voice was telling her, that had her scrambling for her freedom.

When I turned back #Luna was telling me to hold her back. Her hand pinned the woman’s leg to the bed. “Nou, Luna. Lus em au.” (No Luna. Let her go.) I called to the Nightblood and she looked at me and the brace in my hand as I approached the bed, confusion all over her face. “Wich ai in, beja.” (Trust me, please.) Luna released her and stepped back; I placed her brace on the bed and stepped away, but not too far in case she fell.

“Okay… Raven no one is keeping you here.” My gut twisted painfully; the agony was clear on her face. “Just breathe.” I nodded to the door and #Luna opened it. “You’re not locked up, no one will stop you.”

I knew all too well what it felt like to be locked up. I spent all my life in some form of captivity. The Ark, the SkyBox… the prison camp; captured again by grounders after delivering a biological weapon to my people. Then Camp Jaha (before the name changed); while I listened to Raven endure spinal surgery completely conscious.

The bunker.

I wasn’t about to chain her down. All I could do was hope that she would take a second and think before making a run for it.

TBC...

[materialgirlsfanfic]

CHAPTER 10 - Affordable Prices To Pay...(Pt. 2)

KADEN

“She dealin’ with some issues that you can’t believe...Single black female addicted to retail. And well...” - KANYE WEST X ALL FALLS DOWN

Circling the block once more, his frustration grew now killing the engine, that softly purred; it took more than two weeks to build up the courage, but he found himself in front of her building wheeling back and forth within his thoughts to escape the scene, or stay.

“Fuck this shit.” He thought it best to leave out of the ridiculousness he now felt. Unbeknownst to him, the person he was in search for casually watched from a distance amused. Right at this moment for the possibility of getting his ass handed to him with verbal assaults she was good for, was Jordan walking towards his car.

“You wanna move before you get a ticket mothafucka?”

“Shit! Jorda-...” He exhaled placing a hand over his heart.

“You can’t park here nigga…” Damn she got some little ass feet. He zoomed focus on her crisp white Nike Air Forces, and trailed up to the skin tight orange body suit that hugged her petite frame. The vintage red and orange Nike windbreaker to compliment her athleisure attire, concealed the throb causing assets: huge breasts.

“I’m straight. Listen, I need to talk to you.”

“That’s still up for questioning honestly, what you want Kaden? I got shit to do. I’m not up for your bullshit.”

“What are yo-...why is your mouth so fuckin’ reckless? Like, what’s good with you?”

“So you- okay.” She quickly did an About Face headed for the crosswalk, leaving Kaden dumbfounded momentarily until he eventually stepped out his truck hitting his alarm and followed.

“Yo! Jordan, man!”

“Nigga you either catch the fuck up, or I’ll see you later!”

He didn’t do shit like this, and technically he couldn’t. Gaining notoriety and recognition from his blessing of being a second year Wide Receiver in the NFL came with its perks, and downfalls. People actually noticed him now. And not in the pedestrian way either. He signed his third autograph this week for a five year old, who told him he was his biggest fan, and that one day he wanted to be just like him. Fans. He winced at the poor little boy wanting to be like the critically acclaim asshole, with a horrific track record to match. He shook the apprehension off seeing the subway entrance come to view in which Jordan speedily descended. He didn't take the subway. I don't have to. He never explained himself to anyone aside from the very few he held in high regards. There's no reason to. And certainly he never chased after a female especially in the physical sense because he never felt the urge to. This is just...

His eyes scattered about the congested space, in search for some breathing room and a bright orange jacket with the signature Nike emblem. Shoving her way through a boisterous crowd of prep school students he could see was Jordan stepping onto the train. He shoved his way through and searched for a space to squish in. Conveniently it was close to her, as they stood side by side latching on the standee seething. The abrupt smell of funk, and her antics he had just about enough of. Kaden didn't understand how or when the dynamics of whatever relation one would call this, got so conflicting. How he couldn't stand her so intensely. They were way past grade school spats, or any juvenile issues that any guy had with their best friend’s little sister. But as easy as it was to provoke, and get a rise out of her it was hard to deny the real reason why. They silently stared at each other, until she eventually sucked her teeth looking off.

“You so damn hollywood. What? You afraid the act of the common folk will rub off? Hm?” As Kaden grimaced feeling a sweaty arm collide on his skin for the fourth time, he looked down at her beyond annoyed. Blame it on hypochondria and slight claustrophobia, he couldn’t endure for too long even if it was the latter.

“You don’t know shit about me.”

“I know you’re full of shit...I know that. I know whatever it is you have to say would be utter bullshit too, so you shouldn’t even waste me or your time.” She shoved him off as they continued bumping into each other with each sway the subway was causing.

“You got a stick so far up your ass, nobody can get through to you.”

“Good. I like it that way.”

“Where the fuck you got me goin’ Jo?”

“Got you goin’!?” She hissed, attempting to whisper but failing miserably. “ Nigga you hopped your happy ass on here, I didn't force you to follow me!” A lady in earshot, Kaden could spot in his peripheral, shifted in her seat following the clear of her throat as she continued looking ahead. Damn. We're really doing this...in public.

“It's that hard though!? For you to just open your fuckin’ mouth and spit it ou-” More eyes shifted in their direction, causing Kaden to grit his teeth as Jordan maneuvered to the exit to get off finally as they came to a stop. She jetted up the stairs and walked up 135 street. For several blocks they dwelled in silence. Him attempting to keep up with her swift steps and glares with an occasional reminder that he didn’t have to follow her. But he wasn’t budging. I came this damn far anyway. They reached the Harlem Hospital Center, and immediately Kaden grew confused and concerned. Slowly turning his way, Jordan folded her lips in. Her eyes closing before bringing her hands clasp in a prayer motion to her lips.

“Don’t say shit you hear me? Just stay...stay your ass in the background.” They entered as she went towards the front desk greeted by a nurse. “Hi uh...I-I’m here to visit one of your patients.”

LONDON

“Ouch, Milan! Shit!”

“Keep your damn head still, then. Big ass head.”

It's worth it. The woven lines of strings crisscrossed and zigzagged through her masterpiece of a braided beehive, truly was. London didn't trust her brother to be her landline if she secured a spot on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Or have the expectation from him that he will ever arrive at any place on time. But Miles ‘Milan’ Pierre if not anything knows hair. Even to much of their father’s dismay, having a secured hairstylist for every recital, every fashion show, and event was much of a blessing and for him a curse.

The moment his son traded a football for a hot comb, the soured hope of doom courtesy of Monty Pierre was placed. Where he shunned Miles total existence, only acknowledging his presence when it suited him, and was forced to at any social gathering. As Milan would put it: “Some just can't take the fabulousness even if the DNA is shared.”

So it was important to affirm through every tug, rip, and yank that the flawless honey blonde tresses of virgin Malaysian hair was worth it. Milan allowed the flat irons and comb glide through the tresses, before fluffing out the ends. Silky.

“Don't trim shit either. l want all 28’’ inches of lush down to the crack of my ass.”

“Yeah, I know...cause you're extra. And you bitches think I'm about to be doing the same hair twice every two weeks too, huh? Ha! Think again. Call Brooklyne and tell her little ass she has an hour to get here. And I wants my bag.” The rat tail comb was directed towards her nose. His eyes squinting looking down at her. 

“Alright mighty mouth Milan, sheesh.” She pushed the comb away, while typing a text to Brooklyne. Like always his false promises went in one of London’s ears where a princess cut stone from Cartier could be found and out the other as she typed away, and hissed at another yank of the sewing string.

“So...Kiersten. Heard from her?”

“Yup.”

“Really, now? How long ago was this?”

“Two days ago.” Short, clipped, and sweet. He ain’t slick. London wasn't too fond of Kiersten recent choices, in fact she despised them. With her association of Imani’s brother being one of them, and her recent disappearing acts being a close second. It didn't take Einstein to figure he had to be the one occupying her time if it wasn't herself, and Brooklyne especially with her keeping it short with them both. But the secrecy was Kiersten’s way of ducking and diving from London’s typical interrogations.

“You know London Bridge…” Here we go. “As your favorite brother on this dreading universe…”

“Nigga you're my only brother.”

“Shit as far as we know.” London sneered up in his direction watching him through the mirror. “...I know you wouldn't, of course, keep secrets from me would you? Like, you shouldn't...it would totally go against sibling code.”

“There's nothing to tell, Milan.”

“Hmph. So riddle me this…”

Milan held a picture in her direction posted on E! news. There in a grainy picture was a snapshot of Messiah and Kiersten leaving Rime sneaker boutique in Brooklyn. The caption identifying them as the daughter of Supermodel legend with an unidentifiable specimen of a hottie. Oh, heavens...

“...yeah, hoe. And you were sayin’?”

-----------

“This incognito...ass...bitch.”

Brooklyne spat while gawking at Kiersten crossing the street heading in their direction. Huddled as a duo at the signature rustic tables, London hoped that a frappe courtesy of Maman Coffee, would aid in settling the trauma ahead. She reckoned Kiersten even looked the part of a person not wanting to be seen or acknowledged. Frames concealing the majority upper region of her face, so big twice they were pushed up at the nose bridge. A huge scarf to shield the cold, and from what London could also see, provide some form of warmth to make up for Kierstens icy demeanor. She finally took a seat setting her huge crimson Celine duffle on the adjacent seat.

“Hey.”

“Kiersten where have you-” Brooklyn raised her hand halting London as she interjected.

“What’s up mama, how’re you? Where you comin’ from?”

“Just left my only class for the day. But I’m fine...why? What’s so urgent?” She typed away on her cellular device ever so casually. London raised a brow, and dipped forward fighting away a scowl.

“Listen, Ki. I want you to know that not only do we love you, we're here for you through any, and everything. You do know that right?”

“Why wouldn’t I Brooklyne?”

“Well, jee Kiersten maybe your absenteeism could be a clue?” Even the huge shaded lenses couldn’t shake London’s stare she could see Kiersten fidget under. It’s truly never her intentions to ever come off condescending...well half of the time admittedly so, but London just couldn’t help herself. Kiersten could just be so...dense.

“London!”

“What, Brooklyne!?”

“As I was saying...we love you. So you shutting us out makes no sense. Like what’s really the matter?”

When they scheduled the mock “conference”, intervention in the words of London, a “simple girl talk to get to the bottom of the issue” to Brooklyne, they didn’t expect for it to go like this. Especially foodless with a flat frappe she reckoned to add insult to injury. Why was she being so defensive? For the life of her London couldn’t figure it out. Cute shades or not.

“Can you tell your sister not to bore holes into me like I’m some nutcase, or freakshow.”

“Brooklyne can you tell your friend that she should acknowledge me cause I am sitting right the fuck here, and maybe I’m staring at her cause she's avoiding eye contact?!

“You bitches are going to drive me to drink. And it’s only 11a-fuckin’-m! Please, alright? Kiersten real shit, though? Take the damn glasses off! I don’t know what kind of super duper spy shit you got goin’ on, and London pipe it the fuck down cause you’re doing a lot at a smooth eight, bring it down to like a three. I know it’s finals, and the end of the semester is approaching but, damn!”

“She’s just so judgy! I get enough of that from Fiona, from my professors, from everyone. The one person I don’t need it from is the person I should be confiding in the most; my best friend! And then when I find someone that doesn’t do those things...that respects me, and my opinions, acknowledge my efforts, and furthermore doesn’t treat me like a child? That’s a problem too!”

Silence. For a lengthy two minutes that followed a sniffle, and finally the removal of those big ass frames that presented liquid duds pouring in droplets of two. Brooklyn immediately reached over and wiped her face, causing London to feel slightly shitty.

“I just worry about you Ki, and want what’s bes-”

“Want what’s best for me. Yes, I’m always hearing that you, but your opposition to my wants, doesn’t warrant judgement. Cause you’re not always right.” An obnoxious sound of intense suction came from Brooklyn’s straw, as she sipped her iced tea and divided her gaze amongst the two.

“Hmph. Well isn’t this tea just lovely?” She muttered. London, cut her eyes at her before refocusing them back on Kiersten.

“Okay, so this is about Messiah? Alright, fine. If you like it? Then I love it...so be it then Ki.”

“No, London...Messiah is just the half. I need you and everyone else? To realize that I’m grown. So the next time my mother or your father goes around looking for me, tell them just that.” She pushed her seat back grabbing her shades, and bag.

“Kiersten! Really!?” The duo watched as she stepped on to the street hailing a taxi, that came in such perfect timing one would've thought it was planned.

[wavemistress]

100 (oh so personal) Questions, Part 1

1. Is a kiss considered cheating?

It think it depends.  Speaking purely for myself, I kiss my mother and my children all the time and I'm not cheating.   However, if I were to kiss someone other than my husband and kiss them on the mouth, I would consider it to be cheating.  Cheeks are fine. Forehead is fine.  Nose is pushing it.  Mouth?  Off limits!

2. Have you ever faked orgasm?

To me, faking orgasm is the same as lying to your partner.  I don't believe in lying, so, I don't fake orgasms.  Then again, there's also the point that I haven't the first clue on how to fake an orgasm anyway.  Since I have no interest in pretending to orgasm, I haven't found any need to learn how.  I guess this is sort of a round about way to say: “No, I never have.”

3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

Don't you know?  I already have a superpower.  I'm a mom!  With the power of a single touch, a hug, the briefest of kisses, I can soothe even the most upset of my children.  Sometimes, it takes time for my powers to work, but they work and my kids think I'm a superhero.

4. Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years?

I'm already rich.  I have everything my heart ever desired when I was a child.  I have a loving husband, two children, a home, food, a back yard, a lawnmower, a vacuum cleaner, a refrigerator, a toilet...  I could go on!

What? You meant money?

Since when does being rich have anything at all to do with money? (what's wrong with you?)

5. Tell us some funny drunk story.

I've never been intentionally drunk!!  Isn't that funny?

6. Why are you no longer with your ex?

Oh, you want that sordid tale.  (sigh) Okay.  Here's the short version.  My then fiancee of eight years told me I could marry him or be married in the temple.  I chose the temple.  The end!

7. If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be?

Old age.

You wanted something more dramatic?!  Okay, I guess I can come up with something.  Ummmm...

Okay, got it!

I'd like to die by trying to look directly at Jesus Christ without being transfigured.

Dramatic enough for you?

8. What are your current goals?

1. Get my house clean and keep it clean

2. Lose about a hundred pounds before I die

3. Somehow get to the end of this list of questions

9. Do you like someone?

What do you mean?  Do you mean like or LIKE?  If by like you mean like, then yes, I like lots of people.  If by like you mean LIKE, then what do you think? I'm a married woman!

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you?

I'm a mother!  My greatest personal weapon is disappointment!

You want me to be serious?

Okay.  Seriously...  I don't remember.

11. Do you like your body?

Let's see.  I'm 5'6” tall and weigh something over 300 lbs at last weigh-in.  I'm also a victim of childhood sexual assault and chronic depression.  You do the math!

12. Can you keep a diet?

You used strange wording for this one...  OH!  You mean can I “stick to” a diet?  ADHD makes sticking to anything that's not a built-in routine really hard to do.  I literally have to change my mind set and make the diet either consistently fun or else so mind-numbingly routine that I just do it without thinking about it.  I've made some slight changes in why I eat and how much.  I also like to treat myself with small food items from time to time so I don't start feeling deprived and I don't weigh myself that often, because weighing in regularly always made me depressed if the numbers went up and nervous if they went down. You wouldn't think this would make much difference, but I've seen a whole lot of change in how my clothing fits.  I don't know if this constitutes a “yes” or a “no” answer, so I leave you to be the judge.

13. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say?

Stop listening to me!  You're making me nervous.

Aww! Again with the “be serious” stuff?  Geez!

Okay, I'm being serious, now!  Children deserve to be treated like people. Please talk to them intelligently and articulately.  “Baby talk” only stunts their ability to speak.  Notice them if they're there the same way you'd notice a friend or colleague.  Treat them with considered respect and dignity.  Children are just young people. That doesn't make them idiots.  Yes, as parents our job is to teach them, but teaching them doesn't preclude revoking their person-hood until they reach the age where they start demanding it.  Children are also not objects to be used to fulfill the desires and lusts of grown people.  Until they are old enough to understand what sex is all about, they should be allowed to develop normally.  If you need a sex toy, for heaven's sake, and the sake of children everywhere, go buy a vibrator.

Now I'm feeling upset.  I wish you'd accepted the snarky answer.

14. Do you work?

I know, when you ask this question, you mean, am I gainfully employed and the answer is, “No, I'm not.”  However, I told you in questions 3 and 10 that I'm a mother, so I think it's safe to say that the only time I'm not working is when I'm asleep, though I'm sure, if they could, my family would come up with a way for me to work then, too.  What's more, I do it willingly, even happily.  I love working for my family.  My work shows them how loved they are. Why wouldn't I work?

15. If you could choose only one food to eat for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Pie.

What?

You need an explanation?

Okay, fine.  Pie can be anything.  Anything can be a pie.  Pizza is pie. There are meat pies and fruit pies.  There are pies outside of a pan and pies you can hold in your hand.  Pies can have a large variety of fillings and crusts.  So, yeah.  I'd pick pie.  That way, I'd stick to the basic letter of the choice without being bored.

16. Would you get a tattoo?

I'm a Mormon and tattoos are against my religion, but let's put the whole religion thing aside for a minute.  When I was a kid, I used to admire the beautiful designs created by tattoo artists, which were rare back then.  Nowadays, nearly everyone has at least one tattoo.  Some are larger and some are tiny.  I know one person who has only one tattoo and it's a tiny bird on her hand, right where she can see it.  So, if I was going to consider getting a tattoo, which I'm not really considering, I'd get a butterfly, a small one, somewhere I could see it regularly, like the back of my hand, to remind me that there is joy, but I would keep it to that.

17. What is something you don't mind spending all your money on?

Groceries and supplies for my family.  That's something I spend all my money on anyway.  

18. Can you drive?

I'm trying to think of a sarcastic or snarky or funny way of answering this without offending anyone.

…

Yes, I can drive.

19. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful?

A friend of mine in my support group refers to us all as beautifuls. So, I have the delightful honor of being referred to as beautiful every week.

20. What was the last thing you cried for?

My kid shared something with me on YouTube that made me cry.  What was that?  Hmm.

21. Do you keep a journal?

Off and on.  I'm a writer so, sometimes things happen that have to be written down.  However, between ADHD and chronic depression, remembering to write daily isn't always easy.

22. Is life fun?

It has its moments.

23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant?

What a strangely leading question.  I actually had to go look up the word “irrelevant” to be sure of what it meant.  So, your question was, is farting in front of people not really connected to anything.  I don't know a whole lot of people who can fart on command.  To me, all farting means is that your bowels work.  I know some people take offense at public farting because of the occasional smell and the fact that it reminds one of bathroom work.  If you're a considerate soul, for their sake, you excuse yourself just for the sake of being polite.  The fart itself, though, isn't really connected to anything as far as the people to whom you're excusing yourself.  So...  No?

24. What's your dream car?

I don't really have a dream car.  My current car is an 18.5 year old, white Honda Civic.  Its muffler is shot and the engine needs some work that I don't really understand, but it runs and that's the important thing.  Up 'til recently, I shared this car with my husband.  Then my father-in-law gave my husband a new car, newer than the Honda anyway, and the Honda became my car.  I can't tell you how excited I was.  It was like Monty Hall had appeared at my doorstep to present me with, “It's a brand new caaaaar!” Why? Because I'd never owned a car before.  Yes, my husband's name is on the title and, yes, it doesn't really run like a “dream car.” but it runs and it gets good gas mileage.  So, it suits me right down to the ground, as my grampa would say.

25. Are grades in school important?

Another leading question.  Hmm.  As a parent, I feel the need to say that school grades are used as a metric for how well a child is doing in classes.  However, I think they are also a measure of how well the teacher has reached out to the student.  Either way, if school grades are good, the parents know the teacher/student relationship is good and the material is being absorbed.  If grades are poor, parents know that it might be a good idea to set up a conversation with the teacher to try to figure out what's going wrong.  Is it the teacher/student relationship?  Is there a problem with the student themselves?  If there were no grades, how would the parents know when they need to step in?  In case you hadn't guessed, this is me saying, grades in school are definitely important.  However, I don't believe children should be threatened with a poor grade if they don't measure up.  I think that teachers should communicate regularly with parents to see how their students learn best and try to incorporate that into their teaching style, using the child's grades as a metric for how well they, themselves, are doing.

Sorry about the rant.  I tend to get verbose when it's an issue I'm passionate about.

26. Describe your crush.

I'll give you a hint.  It's the one wearing the necktie.

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?

The current book I'm reading entitled The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.

28. What was your last lie?

How are you today?

Fine

29. Dumbest lie you ever told?

How are you today?

Fine

30. Is crying in front of people embarrassing?

For me, yes.  However, it's more than that. Because of how I was raised, crying in front of people leaves me with a crushing sense of shame, which leaves me feeling depressed unless some kind person tells me it's okay for me to cry.

[postgamecontent]

Learning Lessons From Stamina Meters

Once upon a time, games had to grab the player immediately. This hobby's roots are firmly planted in the arcades, after all, where any potential customer had numerous other attractions vying for their attention. The nature of how arcade games monetized meant that most players would only get a few minutes of play for their coin, if that. Whether they ever inserted another coin depended on whether or not that few minutes pleased them. And so the best games were almost instantly fun. This didn't keep them from being deep, and indeed the best of the best offered plenty to those willing to master their systems. It just meant that despite anything else, the average player needed to enjoy their potentially brief time with the game.

As gaming shifted towards the home and the big differences in terms of monetization and player behavior came with the move, game designers could afford to breath a little on these particular points. No one who spent a large amount of money on a piece of software was going to quit if it wasn't fun in the first five minutes, and they were likely to stick with the game through any unpleasantness. A session could absolutely deflate the player and there was a reasonably good chance they would come back anyway. In some ways, this is not a bad thing. There's no rule about art or entertainment that says you have to be enjoying every second of experiencing it. Sometimes you can do really interesting things by deliberately frustrating the player. It can be a useful tool, but one that really ought to be used cautiously.

Habits form, though. Sometimes they are bad habits. And I think over the course of the rather steady couple of decades where this style of pay and play didn't change much, a lot of bad design habits formed. The tool was used carelessly, or sometimes without the developer even realizing it. Play Dragon Quest 7 and tell me you enjoyed every minute of it. But a funny thing has happened in the last several years. The rise of games as a service and the free-to-play model has pulled in a rather large audience, many of whom play during brief gaps during their otherwise busy day. A staple of these games is the stamina meter, a system that limits how long the player can play before either paying up or putting the game away for a set amount of time. Each game varies on how long that time is, though it's almost always more front-loaded, presumably to try to get the player hooked from the start. As the games progress, it's fairly common for play sessions to measure in minutes.

That means we're back to the arcade rules in a lot of ways, and those rules fit some genres better than others. Just about everyone is trying, though, and we're getting to see some interesting outcomes as a result. Outcomes that might shine a light on some bad design habits that have long gone unaddressed. The one that is picking at my brain today is the time-honored tradition of compensating for poor encounter difficulty balancing in RPGs by allowing the player to load up on and subsequently chug health potions. It's been around in various forms for ages, and I'm sure most of the people reading this have had the experience of downing them by the dozens in Diablo, if nothing else. Some might say the practice is a part of the genre. I've never cared much for it, however, and I think stamina meters can show just why that is.

Difficulty balancing is a tricky proposition at the best of times because what's easy for one player can very well be frustrating for the next. That means the designer has to choose exactly where they're going to place that difficulty curve, knowing full well they're going to be agitating some and boring others. One of the common ways this is addressed is to put in difficulty modes, but even doing that really just gives you a couple more curves to place. On top of that, you risk players choosing the wrong track and having a less than satisfying experience. The longer the game is, the more that can potentially backfire. Therefore, games will often include some form of granular difficulty adjustment that is placed in the hands of the player. They can choose a less hazardous-looking path in a platform game, or rely on extremely powerful weapons in a shooting game, and so on. RPGs have a lot of these customization options, and health potions are one of them.

Basically, health potions allow the player to recover from damage taken during battles. They are usually a consumable item that the player will have a finite amount of at any given time, and will need to be restocked in some fashion should the player run out and want more. After those common traits, the role of potions in games tends to vary. In the average Final Fantasy game, players will probably scarcely touch their stockpile of potions, never actually buy any, and still end up with 99 of them when the final boss hits the floor. It's probably safe to say that these potions are useless items. Meanwhile, in Diablo, you'll take a lot of unavoidable damage and have few options to restore it save by downing potion after potion. Indeed, when the player runs out of potions, that's generally an indicator to exit the dungeon and find a shop to restock at. If you don't have any potions, it's virtually guaranteed you'll die sooner rather than later.

It's these essential potions that I really dislike. While Final Fantasy's approach means they're mostly extraneous items, the worst thing that comes from that is the player feeling like items are worthless. Which is a problem, but not really something that interferes directly with player satisfaction. In the case of the so-called essential potions, the player is going to have to stop whatever they're doing to go and get more potions. This may involve a minor inconvenience like swinging by a town, or it may be something worse like asking them to gather resources to buy the potions first. The economy is key here. I have no problems with games that want to make gold scarce, but if that is combined with an essential potion system, you're playing with fire.

The thing is, RPG players are used to wasting time. Perhaps more so than the fans of any other genres. RPGs are practically defined by filler and bloat. So while there might be some grumbling, the players will likely go and grind, kill, gather, and shop at regular intervals should your game require it. They'll tolerate it to get to the more enjoyable parts. But is that really good design? Is this a case where the player's time is wasted for a good reason? If the potions are indeed essential, why is it so boring to restock them? It's like requiring the player to pause after every level of Mario and go fill out some tax forms. If the game's good enough, they'll do it though, which has allowed this particular tradition to persist for quite a while.

Now, let's bring things back around. We've got these free-to-play service games with stamina meters that put a soft cap on how long the player gets to play during each session. The popular way for RPGs to roll with this is to break down quests into short chains of battles. Each chain requires that the player spend some of their stamina, win or lose. If they win, the game moves forward. If they lose, the stamina, and therefore the time itself, is lost. The important thing here is that any battle is going to cost the player some of the stamina that dictates how long this session will last.

Next, we're going to pull in our essential potions. The player needs to be well-stocked with potions and consume them regularly in the battles to avoid losing. Now let's add in a scarce economy. Maybe it's here because the designer is trying to avoid a Monty Hall situation of giving the player too much, which has the knock-on effect of making treasure feel worthless. Maybe it's here because the game also sells gold as an in-app purchase. It actually doesn't matter what the reasoning behind it is. The important thing is that the player is not going to be flush with resources, and therefore will likely not have a lot of spare cash for potions.

In a game without stamina meters, this is the dinner bell to go and grind a bit. You'll get the necessary loot, maybe a level or two, and you can catch up on your podcast listening. When the game has a stamina meter, this is also a viable route to take. You can also usually buy your way out of the situation with real money, but assuming this is an essential potion game, you'll need to commit to spending a lot if you're going to do things with your wallet. So you head out to grind, to get some gold so that you can buy some potions so that you can potentially survive the next story battle and move on. But grinding missions also eats up your stamina.

It's possible your whole gameplay session will be spent fighting banal battles in the service of trying to get enough gold to buy the potions you need to make any actual progress. But it can get worse. Maybe you put in the time during your morning coffee break and get some potions you can use when you get to play again at lunch. You head into battle at lunch with your hard-earned potions, and you lose. Not only have you lost the stamina the battle cost, you've also lost those potions. Which means you have to head out to gather more gold by fighting banal battles in the hopes that you might be able to pull off a win on your afternoon coffee break. Are we having fun yet?

Now, you can say this is the fault of those pesky stamina meters. Without them, you could just grind away for those potions at your leisure. But I think the stamina meters make a point here. Why do you have to do this? It's not challenging to grind on low-level battles. It's not fun, either. And it's something you're going to have to do again and again if the game uses essential potions. I think it's fine to expect the player to spend some time preparing for a tough mission, but why can't that preparation be something a little less dull? Why can't the monsters be dialed back a little so that the player doesn't need to chug potions to get by? This isn't a test of skill or strategy. It's just pointless busywork. And nothing underlines that pointlessness more than spending your limited playing time doing nothing but that kind of busywork.

There's a lesson here, and not just one to make use of while making a free-to-play RPG. I can't think of any game on any platform with any monetization model that wouldn't be better for cutting out this kind of boring hole-digging. I'm not saying you shouldn't limit resources, because that can make for some interesting challenges. But it's probably worth thinking a little more carefully about what those limitations will lead to for the player. If the result is your player spending as much time wandering around in the beginner garden stepping on slugs as they spend furthering the actual game, then I think you've got a serious flaw in your design.

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