#WrittingRP

[oktorpg]

New Beginnings with Old Memories- Book 3 – Chapter 2 - Together - SL 07

〄 ꜱᴛᴏʀʏʟɪɴᴇ - 7

𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐁𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐎𝐥𝐝 𝐌𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬

  ╰ˢᵗᵒʳʸ ᵇʸ: @LittleBirdRey & @ToldUIdSurvive

     ╰ ᵀⁱᵐᵉˡⁱⁿᵉ: ʙᴏᴏᴋ 3: ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴡᴀʏ ɪꜱ ᴜᴘ

        ╰ ᶜʰᵃᵖᵗᵉʳ: ² ᵒᶠ ᵃⁿ  @OsoKikThruOgeda ˢᵗᵒʳʸ

    ╰ᴸᵒᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ: ᴇʟɪɢɪᴜꜱ ɪᴠ

〄   ❝ 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘪𝘴𝘵. ❞ ― 𝙄𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙧𝙖 𝙂𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙝𝙞

•— Raven —•

The room was no longer one I wanted to be in. looking from side to side for a walk out however all paths were blocked. The War room of Eligius IV had been converted to accommodate the people who were here to make the key decisions. These were the people who would make or break the time we had to send up in in orbit for the next five years, and it was safe to say that I had less confidence in them now, and I have hope two days ago when we had works so hard to save as many of them as possible.

The conclave had made it so that all those who once wore the mantel of Leader was gone, leaving those who weren’t fit to make choices for their people, and who wouldn’t have been in this room otherwise. Some of them couldn’t see past their own noses to know how-to live-in pace, and a number of times strong words had ended with #Nate and #Bellamy jumping into to set those who threw fists back down in the chairs. Reminding them that their invitations on the table could have been as easily revoked as it was extended.

‘How long will they do this for?’ #Miles stool with his back against the wall just as I was.

I refused to take a seat at the table, I wasn’t going to take away a seat from someone who could end up bring peace to all those living souls on this ship. I wish I could have said the same for #Griffin. #Marcus, #Abby, #Clarke, #Octavia, and #Monty.  all seat around the table. And in my eyes that was four more than the Grounders were being given.

“Hells if I know, it’s not like they have all been living in pace while they had ground beneath their feet. So, if I were guessing. This could take a while.”

Right then #Monty’s voice came from the far side of the room. He pushed up to make his voice travel. ‘We are not trying to hurt anyone. All I am saying… until the farm is up and running, until we can test what is produced, we will not be able to make the supplied starch for too long without people beginning to question why we have come up here. I need time.’

#Indria stood next, with the voiced all trying to speak over one another as translations were being made. ‘They are trying to save all our people. We are all one now. Oso souda kom op ogeda. (We must come together.)

A clan man looking to be in his late 50s stood up in uproar. ‘And you want us to trust these people? They want  to make our people? No… We will not let them kill us up here. We would have been better off on the ground.’

Those words hit me hard like a slap in the face. Had I done wrong by these people? I knew that coming to space, taking their feet off the ground would take some time to adjust. But there were talking of death over a cryosleep?

I was unaware of my reaction until I felt a squeeze on my clenched fist. ‘Breath Raven, he doesn’t know what he is talking about. You did the right thing, and as soon as this guy works it out.’ #Miles whispered it into my ear. ‘Let’s go, we can tell them we have some work to do.’

He tugged my hand out from behind my back and began to push to clear a path for us to leave.

•— John —•

“I hate this.” I murmured, walking the corridors with #Luna and #Emori I thought it was a terrible idea, the so-called Friekdreina and the Blood traitor. But #Luna insisted that we could not hide away between performing the tasks that had been set for us. That if they believed  we were afraid they would target us with more than stares and slurs.

Even I was getting dirty looks from some of the grounders now. I was the reason that their kids were hungry. Only the children of the soldiers and Sangedakru seemed to understand hunger. Someone hissed and purposedly bumped into #Emori. Deliberate and hard, he hissed… actually hissed like a snake. My hand shot out and fisted the front of his shirt yanking him towards me as I through my head and back to head-butt him.

But before I felt the inevitable burst of pain someone grabbed a fistful of my hair and twisted my arm behind my back, pinning me to the wall. “What the fuck #Luna!?” I couldn’t see her. But no one else could move like that.

‘Ban ou.’ (Leave) #Luna said cooly to the man as his friends watched. These people were not warriors, Trikri maybe… but not fighters.

She let me go when the left. I rubbed my cheek where she had plastered me to the wall. My arm didn’t even twinge… I wasn’t sure how that was possible. But my scalp smarted like a bitch, I dragged my hand through my hair. “I thought the whole point of this little parade was to so them we aren’t afraid.” I caught my breath.

#Emori laughed. “You think it's funny.”

‘Hilarious actually… she tossed you like a rag doll.’ She teased.

“Oh yeah, it's really cool when the lethally trained warrior starts pulling hair.” I couldn’t help but laugh with her.

‘We don’t just show them that we are not afraid, we show them how to walk a better path.’ #Luna’s Zen Master routine returned. She turned to #Emori and took her covered hand in both of hers. ‘Yu ste yongon kom sanas… Yu nou muka kom foutaim. Yu’s yuj gon oso aftaim.’ (You are a child of the sands. You are not a stain from the past. You are the strength of our future.)  #Luna told her.

#Emori pulled her hand back. ‘Damn right I am.’ She smirked.

“Oh right… now she gets all  deep and wise… where was that wisdom when you were pulling my hair like a little bitch.” I teased her, keeping the mood #Emori had set. She hated the deep, zen stuff too.

‘All is fair in battle, John.’ #Luna walked on leaving #Emori and me to roll our eyes at each other and follow her.

‘Do you think the meeting is over yet?’ Emori asked.

“No way… they’ll be at for hours. Cryo is the only way… There’s no way an algae farm can sustain us all.”

‘Explain it to us on more time, John?’ Luna asked and I sighed but tried again to explain it  in the simplest way I could which was pretty simple, because the extent of my knowledge was that it preserves your body exactly how it was… and in theory, it could be done indefinitely. I knew very little about the science but all I knew was that when you woke up you felt  like only moments had passed… if you were wounded or sick you would wake up that same way.

•— Raven —•

‘Rey? What are you doing out here, is the meeting over?’ #Harper and #Jax came rushing up the corridor towards #Mile and I.

“No, it’s still going on. I’ve just had enough of it all for now. And it’s not like I was needed in there.”

The exchanges a look, one I didn’t like the feel of. “Why, what’s going on?” They did it again, making the hairs on the back of my neck prickle.

‘We didn’t see it all, but we’ve been told a lot of it by those I have been healing in the med  bay..’ #Jax started. ‘They are simple people, some of them are trouble makers however not them all.’

Holding my hand out, this time #Miles and I were the ones to exchange a look. ‘What are you trying to tell us?’ He asked #Jax. Who gave  the pilot a head to toe glance.

“Jax?” Frustration, quoting my voice now, it had been a long day as it was.

‘ There was an incident just now. With some of the grounders and…’ her looked to #Harper who finished off the sentence.

‘Some of the grounders aren’t being respectful to Emori and Luna. They won’t take the rations if Emori has touched them. They are spiting at Luna’s direction and calling her blood traitor. Calling Emori Friekdreina.’

“Fuck!” Rubbing my  throbbing forehead. We knew there were chances of something like this happening. But there was a hope that togetherness and the fact that we all survived together would have won out on their biased.

‘That’s not all, Murphy was about to  get into a fight. But Luna stopped it before it got out of hand.’

“It just keep getting better and better. I have to go back into the meeting. Marcus has to put a stop to this.” A plan was hatched in my mind as it turned and walked towards the door I had just come out of.

•— John —•

People started to give us a wider berth whispering to each other as we passed. They whispered and looked away… glancing wearily at #Luna. Well, this had gone differently than expected… but if this trend kept up it might just be problem  solved… But still, I didn’t know how long it would be before I could let either of them leave the room alone. They could both handle themselves in a fight, especially #Luna. But there were so many things up here that they didn’t understand… in a fight with another grounder all it would take is for some the hit a wrong button and we could all get sucked out into space.

We turned another corner and stopped in our tracks. #Emori bumping into me. Raven, #Jax, #Harper and #Miles was huddled in conversation. Raven looked pissed.

‘Looks like that meeting didn’t go very well.’ #Luna whispered.

Raven started the walk away and the three of us rushed to the group. “Hey…” I called out. “Is the meeting over? What   happened in there?”

•— Raven —•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴍɪʟᴇꜱ ꜱʜᴀᴡ‘ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

Watching Raven Reyes walking away from the rest of us felt wrong, even if she looked like a bat out for blood. I had known this woman for so little time, however I could feel a connection towards her.

You had to be blind now to see her passion for those she cares for, and her need and desire to learn whatever you were willing to share with her.

But right now, her back straight, her hands clenched into fists, they limp in her step was not a handicap. It was a weapon just like the rest of her.

‘𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳? 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘏𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦?’

I didn’t recognise the voice until turning around to see the one they called Murphy Stradling up, with  the two women you could never find him without? Arching my brow, and making a note to ask Raven what the deal was there. Were this three in some kind of polyamorous relationship? Was that still a thing?

‘No, it’s not over.’ #Harper whispered to him. ‘And would you keep it down!’ She then hissed. Beckoning the three over.

The taller to the two other girls with the big curly hair asked something, but it was a language I did not understand. With one with the head scarf on spoke too. And again I had no idea what was being said. So, with my arms crossed over my chest and my legs slightly parted I stood there watching them all.

#Harper looked uncomfortable. ‘Shaw would you mind repeating what Rey said before?’ She gave me a half smile.

“Uhm. Yeah. Sure. I can give a summary.” Trying not to look at the Murphy guy, something was off with him. “The groups. Clans? As you call them. They are all fighting for their own groups. The Blake  girl.”

‘Octavia’ #Jackson corrected me.

“Right her. She says that she leads all the clans now. That they are all one.”

Shifting on my feet. “But as we left, I could hear what was being said once Raven left ahead of me… Some of them.. the clans said that there is a true… dark blood?”

‘Night blood’ This time #Harper helped.

“Right. So they want a… fight or something between the two. That only when could there be a true ruler of all.”

All eyes turned to the curly haired girl and then there was silence. My eyes moved up the corridor where she had vanished. “Raven doesn’t want to be in there with all those people fighting. And now.. She’s gone in again.”

‘Why?’ The curly haired one asked. My eyes moved onto her.

“Because she was told that you three are being treated unjustly.” I said dead pan. She had gone back in there for these three.

•— John —•

My blood boiled at the way he watched Raven… He had no I what he was actually seeing as she walked away. Her passion to do what was right, to protect the people she cared about. Her determination and her unwillingness to compromise her moral code to achieve it. She would always find a way that didn’t involve slaughter or abandoning people to die, because to her that was the same thing. And pain… the subtle hints of pain in every single step that wrenched at my guts.

I looked around when Harper told me to be quiet. “Sorry, McIntyre I forgot we're back under Kane’s dictatorships again.” I chuckled. Good luck to him enforcing that with the grounders following Octavia. Who would have ever thought that the butterfly girl/psycho assassin would be a step up?

‘Jon, hod op.” (John, Stop.) she told me and turned to Emori. ‘Yu vout Reivon gaf bak kos yumi? Som op skechi?’ (Do you think Raven has gone back in there because of us?) She asked.

‘Sha… Em’s go  wortrie. Em be get in oso kik raun dison.’ (Yes… She’s on the warpath. She should know that we can take this.) Emori said back and the utter confusion on Miles’ face gave me a spark of joy. #Harper and #Jax had very little Trig, if any at  all, but they weren’t phased by others speaking it anymore.

‘Oktieva Kom Skaikru na dula Lexa Kom Trikru flashpa bilaik fousen…’ #Luna whispered to herself.

I didn’t have to respond before I stepped in front of #Luna, rage seething below  the surface. “Fuck no!” I shouted over their conversation… #Luna’s earlier question was confirmed. “No way! They aren’t throwing her into a death match they can have #Kane.” I knew #Luna could take #Octavia in a conclave…. But she would, she  would die before raising a blade.

‘John calm down.’ #Jackson helps up a placating.

“#Harper? Where are #Monty and #Japser right now?”

‘Monty is in the meeting and Jasper is probably watching the first Algea culture. Why?’

“Fine… Just  Jasper it is then… Let’s go.” I started walking… they followed, even #Shaw, probably out of curiosity.

‘What’s the plan here, John?’ #Emori asked warily… knowing the look I get when I’m plotting.

“Jasper Is going to hack the armoury  locks for us and #Shaw here is going to tell us where the most defensible room on this ship is. And we are keeping them away from Luna until Raven works her magic.” I explained, still walking.

Shaw chuckled darkly and stopped walking. ‘No, he most certainly is not.’ He crossed his arms and I turned to face him, returning his shit-eating grin.

•— Raven —•

With the doors opened both #Clark and #Bellamy looked at the door and my return with worried explanation.

#Octavia banged get fist to the table sending ripples through the room. The jolt of which even made me stop.

What had I missed? Should I have left? They were all fighting over such nonsense, that I knew I could be doing better things with my time. And yet.

‘O, stop. It’s not happening.’ #Abby and a#Inda both said. One in our tongue and the other in trig.

My gaze moved around the room, #Marcus, #Monty, no one would meet my eyes. “What is going on?” I broke the silence.

All the eyes turned in unison upon me. And then the whispers began.

‘She is with her.’

‘They are close. Like sisters.’

‘Use  her, to make it happen.’

My last nerve was being tested. And then it clicked. They were talking about Luna? The moment it dropped, Clark rushed over.

‘It’s not happening Rey, we will not allow it. Luna will not be made to fight.’

“No  fucking way! You people are you going to touch a hair on Luna’s body. And before you think of using me. Remember one thing. I will float myself before I become a weapon in your hands.”

My eyes landed on a face I knew too well. It was the  father of the girl I helped to bring on board. “We are here to live, to survive and not even twenty-four hours into these five years we have to live together you all started this bull shit again? You need to be BETTER! You have to become  BETTER! This is not about life and death up here now. It’s about how WE ALL help to make it to the end.”

I was looking with my hazel eyes locked in him. I was speaking with them all. But I didn’t look away from him.

He stood up to calm  those who were shouting over me now, telling them to sit. So, that meant he has some power.

He asked me in trig. What I would do.

“I would have faith in the people who brought you here. I left those I love to die to make this work. And here we are. Trust in knowing that up here. Like O has said. We are all ONE PEOPLE TOGETHER. Oso Kik Thru, Ogeda!!”

He stood looking at me. Nothing was said for a long while. And then he whispered. ‘Oso Kik Thru, Ogeda.’

•— John —•

I threw my hands up just in time to stop myself from faceplanting into the wall. Something heavy and metal clanged behind me.

‘#Shaw!’ Doc Lite yelled… with more authority than I had ever heard from him. ‘You’re taking this too far.’

I  turned to face them all through the heavy bars of the officers’ brig. ‘Too far?’ He chuckled. ‘Are you serious? He was literally plotting a mutiny, or have you all conveniently developed amnesia?’

‘It was hardly a mutiny… he was just pulling a Murphy.’ #Harper said… was that in my defence?

‘He just wants to protect #Luna.’ #Emori said plainly, crossing her arms over her chest. ‘The people in that room want her to fight to the death with one of their people… maybe even  the other clan leaders.’

#Miles looked from me to Emori to Luna, confused… maybe even a little concerned. ‘He was still plotting a break-in to the armoury… he can stay here until all of this is sorted out. And count himself lucky he isn’t  in the prisoners' cells.’

He turned to leave and slammed my hands against the bars thunked and hummed a high-pitched noise. “Shaw!” I barked. “If anything happens to her because I’m in here… even if she wins… I’ll fucking kill you!”

“SHUT  UP, MURPHY!!” #Harper and #Jackson said in unison. #Emori and #Luna mirrored the sentiment in Trig.

Soldier boy just glared at me. ‘I’m going back in there to find what this insanity about a deathmatch is… Then we can deal with this shit show.’ He waited at the door, wanting the others to leave. No one moved. I smiled to myself.

‘I don’t think you understand how this works… He is in custody He doesn’t get unsupervised time with his potential conspirators. Unless you’d like  to join him in the next cell?’ #Miles condescended… but his logic was undeniable… not that I would ever admit to that. Emori stepped up like she was about to volunteer… or punch him so he would arrest her too. That would have been a sight to see!

“Emori, hod op.” (Emori, wait.) I said. “Ste kamp raun Natblida-de. Ste ogeda.” (Stay with the Nightblood. Stay Together) I didn’t want to use #Luna’s name. Just to confuse the good toy soldier. “Hon Reivon daun… Ste kamp raun em. Bilaik kilr.” (Find Raven. Stay with her. Be safe.)

They were all tilting their hands now. #Luna and #Emori nodded. They filed out slowly, #Miles muttering something about how an idiot like me learns a whole language in such little time.

•— Raven —•

#Marcus, #Abby, #Clarke and sat at their sides of the table. Each one of them on one side, while #Octavia tried to place herself in a neutral zone. She was the commander now, well she was until the grounders all saw #Luna alive and well on this ship.

My hands were against my side fisted up and it wasn’t until I felt the callused hand taking one, in theirs with a whisper in my ear saying. ‘Breathe Rey…  Have a little faith in your plan. This will work out.’

I hadn’t meant to show my emotions, however, it was now clear that I hadn’t hidden my annoyance? #Bellamy had moved himself around to the wall beside me, unfurling my fingers and curling his into them. ‘I’m here. I’m with you.’ He told me and I knew what it meant. If this came to blows, then he would fight beside me.

Time was moving fast and slow all at once as rules were being made to be in place. Until the last one was sat on the table (metaphorically).

‘All people on this ship will be treated as equals.’ They all liked the idea of it. ‘We will all vote and all actions will be taken together.’ #Kane added. Some part of my mind went to the times gone. When this was meant to be how we all lived on the Ark. However, by the time we left that place. People were being floated for any reason.  

One of the leaders who had been in my eyes, made a face. He had been unhappy with a lot of what had been agreed here. And now he had an issue with this rule too?

‘Emori.’ #Nate whispered to #Bellamy and Me. ‘I bet they are all thinking of her.’

‘They can think all they want. I will float them… he stopped feeling me stiffen. ‘I won’t really do it Rey, just feels good to say it.’

The doors opened to the side and #Miles walked in with a stride and a deadpan look on his face. ‘What’s going on?’ #Bellamy asked.

Leaning in he whispered to the three of us and I closed my eyes. “Hells, what is wrong with that boy?” I glanced over the table seeing #Clarke’s eyes on us. The girl noticed everything. She nodded as #Bellamy mouthed to her that we had to go. Leaving #Nate in here with a few of the others he trusted to protect the backs of those who were our family.

〄 〄 〄 〄 〄

Everyone had so much to say in the corridor, they all had their own ideas and their input. Finally, I asked everyone to stay out of the brig as I pushed the door keypad, listening for the sound of the click and the doors open before stepping inside. Stopping just on the brink of the brig I looked and found him behind the locked bars too fast. He kind of looked at home. And that was saying something.

“We aren’t even up here for that long John Murphy. And you are planning a mutiny? Once again, all about your actions, with no faith on what the rest of us are trying to do here I see?” My arms were crossed over my chest, and I held him in my gaze.

•— John —•

When everyone left there was no sound apart from the eerie machine hum… I hated it. This ship didn’t sound at all like the Ark and I missed the sound of wind and rain… Even in the Mansion, you could hear the sounds that a world made just by  existing. Here it was all whirs and clang and occasionally rattles. And any deviations in the patterns could spell death for all of us on board…

That may have been alarmist thinking… but there were logical thoughts in my head too. Like… “We’re in space John… it was only a matter of time before you found yourself in lock up.” I said to myself, I sat on the bench that was shockingly wooden and attached to steel brackets. I paced. I lay on the bed… only one…

“Hmm… officers got their own digs even in lock-up? Fancy.” I turned into the wall and there I saw…

M.S con sympathizer

Scraped into the wall above the bed… “Well, Well… #Shaw ratted out his own men…” I smirked, that was good info to save for a later  date. Minutes stretched by too slowly… there was nothing in here to mark the passage of real-time.

I paced and walked, I sat and stood and paced some more. I knew it was only minutes that went by… it felt like hours. My skin was crawling  like it was covered in eighty-nine days of filth… the air started to smell like stale wine and body odour.

It wasn’t real.

Then just as a voice in the back of my mind replayed the eerie robotic voice… ‘Too many people.’ And my  chest was about to explode the door beeped and swoosh open.

“Raven!” I gasped and rushed to the door of the cell… it was still locked of course. I tried to squash my anxiety as best I could.

“It wasn’t a mutiny I just wanted somewhere secure to hold up with Luna until you found a way to stop this conclave death match bullshit.” I said in rushed, quiet tones. “We both know #Luna preaches peace because if she doesn’t… if she has to fight to defend herself, she will… She’s  conditioned to, she won’t be able to stand there and let them kill her. She WILL kill Octavia and the grounders will make her Heda. It’s her worst nightmare.”

I pushed against the bars.

“Do you think Clarke and Bellamy will let Luna live  if she kills #Octavia? Even if the psycho-assassin agreed to the match. I won’t watch her die too, Raven! Not in a match and in some convenient airlock accident.”

•— Raven —•

The anger that had gathered up in my chest disappeared the moment I saw his face, something was wrong and with a blink of seeing where he was and how he felt about ben locked up. The facts dropped. His eyes, the fear the look of a trapped man in a cage, all his nightmares came to life when he was like this.

Taking a few steps forward, my fingers slipped into my pocket and around the key card that would open the locked bars from around him. Until that is, when he started to speak.

It was light in here, there was nowhere for me to hide the hurt and the fear and the stupidity of this man before me.

“John…” Rubbing at my temple trying to find my words.  “You still haven’t learnt your lesson have you? You still have no faith in the rest of us. You think you are the only one who wants to save Luna, and you think by getting the guns out from a locked safe place is the way to go about it. This is day ONE!” My ager seeping out at the last word. “We have five years of this to go. And you the first opportunity you got. You had NO FAITH that we could control and fix this.”

Taking a step back from him and the locked cage he was stuck behind. “You just went and repeated the same crap you did on the island here. And you think you are trustworthy.” Backing out of the room I pushed the bottom for the door to open. “I’m so done with you Murphy. I’m done with being seen as the enemy.” Because that was what he saw us as. Clarke, Bellamy, Nate, Me… who knows who else he had no trust in.

Backing out to the room, pushing the card into Luna’s chest. “He is all yours. You can do what you want with him. I am done.”   She took a hold of my hand to stop me.

‘Jon ste trana gon sisen, ai stasis.’ (John is trying to help, little sister.) She squeezed the card back into my hand, telling me to go back and free him. ‘Seingeda mour yuj ogeda.’ (Family is stronger together.) she whispers.

Closing my eyes to stop the now deep thudding in my head. “Family also trusts one another. He doesn’t.” This time I pushed the key card back into her hands and started back down the corridor.

‘What does this mean?’ #Jax called out from behind.

“It means, that John Murphy is a fool. Luna and Octavia are safe. And I have work to do.”

•— John —•

(#TriggerWarning: PTSD, Anxiety)

She thought I did this because I didn’t believe in her… But that was the farthest thing from the truth. I did it because I didn’t trust anyone else… “No Raven… you’re not understanding… There are hundreds of  people on this ship and there is only a small handful I trust… I just wanted to keep Luna out of their hands until you could make them see sense.”

She was so angry… I could see it in her eyes as she walked away. When she told #Luna she was  done she meant it. I had burned down the last bridge. I dug my fingers into my hair and muttered to myself. “I was just trying to protect my family.”

When I looked back up she was gone… I squinted through the bars as the room start to tilt  to one side. “Raven… You can’t let them leave me in here!” I rattled the cage door as much as I could, which wasn’t a lot. The bars were solid. #Jasper and #Emori rushed forward.

‘No one is leaving you in here, John. Relax.’ #Jasper said.

Relax? Were they insane? How could anyone relax when all the I was being sucked out of the room until your lungs ached? The world tilted and rocked, my chest was in an invisible voice and there was screaming in my ear blocking out the voice I knew so well with complete strangers.

【 𝔼𝕣𝕚𝕔 𝕁𝕒𝕔𝕜𝕤𝕠𝕟'𝕤 ℙ𝕆𝕍 】

⤷

I saw it start before it happened Murphy’s face flushed, and his chest started to rise and fall too fast. His pupils dilated so wide that the pale colour of his eyes was almost gone. Veins distended in his neck and at his temple. He started mumbling about he couldn’t do it again, he couldn’t survive as he paced the cage I swore I heard him say something about pulling the trigger. I turned to  #MilesShaw “You need to let him out of there.” I told him, I wouldn’t find out until later that he didn’t have the key.

‘No one is letting him out of there like that… The guy is insane!’ He watched John all but break his hands on the metal  bars. The others tried yelling at him to calm down that was when I saw Luna flash a card over the touch panel. ‘Hey stop! You can’t let him out of there like that he’ll hurt someone.’ #Shaw tried to be heard over the others. #Luna was  fighting to restrain John now he wasn’t even forming words anymore. She was trying to keep him from injuring himself.

“He has PTSD… Lieutenant!” I spat a little harshly. “You’d think a former soldier would get that.” He stepped backwards twice But I was rushing into the cell now #Jasper and #Luna were trying to tell him the door was unlocked and he needed to calm down so they could take him out. But he was fighting them, even Luna was struggling to hold him. He was deep in the grips of a panic attack. There were red welts on his cheek from him hitting himself before we got to him. His lip was bleeding… like he might have bitten it. All minor, he had survived much worse.

‘Uh, Jax…’ #Jasper said to my left as I  knelt in front of him. ‘He’s bleeding.’

I was about to tell him not the worry about it until I saw that he wasn’t talking about his lip… blood dripped from his clenched fist, and his fingernails were digging into his palms. “Dammit John. Look at me!” Shouted to get his attention. “You need to breathe, This is a panic attack at will pass, just breathe.”

‘I… Can’t…’ He wasn’t angry anymore he was afraid.

#Jasper shoved in between us and I huffed in annoyance. ‘Hey… listen, John.’ He grabbed one of his hands and leaned in. ‘It feels like a heart attack and like you're drowning all at once, right?’

Murphy nodded, tears on his cheek gasping for air.

‘I’ve been there… but there's a way out. Just look around… Tell me three things you can see.’ John didn’t respond. ‘Trust me John, anything at all you can see.’

He took a breath so he could gasp the word. ‘Bed.’ And looked back to #Jasper. ‘Cage… door.”

‘Good. Now three things you can smell.’ John seemed the stop fighting while his mind scrambled for an answer. ‘Recycled air.’ It took a while to get the words out. ‘Sweat.’ I pressed my fingers to the pulse at his wrist. John inhaled through his nose, his pulse started to  steady. ‘Antiseptic.’ John said… it was probably off of me.

‘Brilliant… Almost there. Name three things you can touch.’ Jasper demanded now. John was sucking in deep, long breaths now.

‘Floor.’ He unclenched his hand and wiped ad bloody  smear on the floor. He looked at #Luna still holding him even though he wasn’t fighting any more. ‘Luna… crappy prison uniform.’ He touched his jumpsuit and we all laughed a little at that.

#Luna helped him sit up and he buried his face  into his hands, unknowingly leaving streaks of blood on his forehead and cheeks. The cuts on his hands were already starting to scab.

‘Better?’ Jasper asked and John just nodded. ‘Good because #Jackson was about to reaper stick you. So I was really hoping that would work… Ready to get out of here?’

John agreed and we helped him up. ‘Where’s Raven?’ Asked like he couldn’t remember.

‘I can go get her if you want?’ #Emori’s voice was smaller than normal.

‘No!’ John answered too fast… ‘She doesn’t need to… I don’t want her to see this. She has enough to do without dealing with my shit too.’

He moved out into the corridor, and I noticed #Shaw was gone too. It took me a long time to convince John to come with me to the med bay… but it was time… this kid was broken and if we didn’t help him soon, we could lose him.

He walked ahead with #Emori and #Jasper, I turned to #Luna with a heavy heart. “Farcry from the boy that stole medicine to save a little girl.” I whispered.

‘No.’ #Luna shook her head, never looking away from them. ‘That is exactly the boy who stole medicine to save a child.’

•— Raven —•

『    ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴍɪʟᴇꜱ ꜱʜᴀᴡ’ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ    』

“These people are crazy! It’s as though I’ve woken up in the twilight zone with no way out.”

Coming to a stop outside the doors of the engineering deck I could see in through the glass windows. To anyone who didn’t know what to look for, the place would seem deserted. But in the days, I’d gotten to know her I could see the tell tail signs that Raven Reyes had gone in and was now working under the transport ship. She had learnt to work around all the equipment and the tools on the deck that I didn’t even know the names off.

Just as I tapped the keypad opening the doors, I had to react fast and duck out of the way because there was a spanner coming for my head.

‘Hells! Why is everything working against me today?’ She was upset, angry and taking it out on whatever came to hand.

“What did the spanner do to upset you?” She stopped in the middle of rolling out from under the ship. Giving me a quizzical look.

‘It’s not a good time Miles.’

I liked the way my name sounded on her lips. The way she unlike everyone else didn’t call me Shaw. There was a friendliness to seeing her beautiful hazel eyes, full of honesty when I could tell everyone else was hiding something from the crew and me.

“I know, I can tell from the way tools are flying.” She looked sheepishly towards the door.

‘I’m sorry. I’m being rude and I don’t mean to be. Its just…’ her eyes were red, as if she had been crying.

“I get it. It’s a lot to deal with, and that Murphy guy isn’t helping himself.

Raven looked lost in her thoughts before she went back to work. ‘He means well. Most of the time. He just doesn’t always look at the consequences of his reactions and actions.’ Now she was defending him? What did he have on her? As I thought it I knew that it was just how this girl was. She would defend anyone to the death.

“Raven, the guy is messed up. He doesn’t know when to stop. Guns on a ship? Could you imagine what could happen if one went off? And now, he is acting like he has PTSD? And he is still willing to walk these close quarters, trying to kill and scare people?”

I wasn’t watching her, but at some point she’d stilled, rolled back out into the open and pulled herself up onto her feet. ‘What do you mean?’ Her voice was clipped now, with a nerve pulsing on her forehead.

Should I tell her? Would this upset her more than he had done so already?

『    ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʀᴀᴠᴇɴ ʀᴇʏᴇꜱ’ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ    』

Pushing my way past everyone who walked the corridors, I moved as fast as my leg would allow me. I needed to return back to where I had left John and the others. #Miles had reluctantly shared what had taken place once I left the cells with John still in there. Sure I was mad at him, sure he had once again acted without thinking, But wasn’t that just what John Murphy did? I had been the one in the bunker with him. I saw and heard all his fears. I had witnessed the lost boy on that beach breaking down his walls and I had left him locked in a jail cell on this ship. What was wrong with me?

‘Raven, he isn’t there. They must have taken him out by now.’ #Miles walked beside me having caught up in no time.

“You don’t get it Miles; this is so messed up. I am so messed up.” Pulling at my hair tied back  to keep it out of my way.

‘No, no you didn’t. He was the one who was acting all crazy.’

“He is NOT crazy!” The word came out harsh and to the point. Making #Miles stop before he continued.

‘Okay. Okay. Fine. I get it. But this isn’t on you.’

The doors opened and just as #Miles had said, the cell was empty with no one left behind. The way it should have been when I found him locked up in here. Finding the door of the cell open I stepped inside.

“I messed up. I so messed up.” Closing my eyes, looking up to the ceiling with a feeling of light headedness coming over me. I was tired, I had been fighting for so long on so little sleep. That I couldn’t see John clearly in his moment of need. How was I any different to #Jaha? Hadn’t I just done the very same thing to him?

‘Raven. Please stop.’ #Miles stood outside the cell looking in.

“No Miles. I…” I stopped speaking as I dropped my head and opened my eyes. Looking at the metal floor of the cell to find bloody hand prints. “Was he hurt? Where did this blood come from?”  

•— John —•

[[#TriggerWarning References to PTSD, Anxiety attacks, and torture]]

I was sitting in the chair in the small office #Jackson had claimed after cleaning the cuts on my hands, they were nothing cuts really, they had just bled a lot more than  you’d think looking at them now, with not much more than a band aid covering them. My lip was swollen and there was definitely a lump coming up beneath my left eye, it was throbbing. But not enough to have accepted the painkillers that Doc  Lite tried to make me take.

#Jackson set a cup of water next to me and started talking in the super soft voice that he used on the kids and the dying. I flinched at the sound… remembering how people spoke to me when I was ten and left me to die in the med bay with minimal care.

‘John… do you know what just happened?’ He asked and I laced my fingers together to keep from shaking him and screaming at him to stop talking to me like I was a child. I wasn’t sure I could scream; my throat was raw. So, I kept my gaze on the floor and nodded, yes.

‘Can you tell me what it was?’ He pressed.

“You… said… panic attack.” I answered only because I knew #Emori wouldn’t let me leave until #Jackson gave the okay. She had been  shaken by everything that had gone down.

‘That’s right… Has anything like that ever happened to you before?’ He asked and I looked up at him with a furrowed brow.

“Of course…” I scoffed like he was stupid. “It happens to everyone. It's  over now. I just never had a name for it before.”

‘No, John. No. It doesn’t happen to everyone.’ #Jackson said, and his tone concerned me. ‘Can you tell me how many times it’s happened to you?’

I shrugged… how the hell was I meant to  answer that? I didn’t keep count. “I have no idea… let me check my journal.” I rolled my eyes. Jackson was sipping from a cup of water, and it made my throat feel dry. Was this some kind of subliminal psychology shit?

Dammit! I picked up  the cup and drained it. It was working. Jackson stood to refill the cup. “More than two?” He asked and walked back with the cup.

I nodded.

‘More than five?’ he pressed. I nodded again.

‘Ten?’

I shook my head. “I… don’t know-- I don’t  think so.”

He wrote something down... It pissed me off. Was he psycho analysing me? ‘Can you tell me about the first time? Or the first one you remember.’

“Not really… it wasn’t exactly… legal.” I flashed a smug grin.

‘I’m not interested  in busting you for anything, this conversation is protected by my doctor-patient confidentiality.’ He sipped his water again.

I cleared my throat! Fuck! I picked up the cup… again. “I had been to the drinking farm station moonshine, I  needed to find somewhere to crash because I wasn’t welcome at home… I can’t remember the particulars, but I woke up in a storage unit… it was locked and I couldn’t get out.”

‘So, this was before you went to the Skybox? You were fifteen when you were confined.’

“Before Mom died so I was thirteen… maybe fourteen.” I admitted dully. I couldn’t… I couldn’t talk about Mom. My knee started to jump up and down rapidly. “Do we have to do this right now?… it's not helping.”

#Jackson picked up the tablet and swiped and tapped it for a few seconds and held it out to me. “Look at this and tell me the man in that video doesn’t need any help.” The was a camera in the Brigg and me yanking on the doors. There was no sound… I  tensed as I watched… The door opened and I didn’t stop. “Why didn’t I stop?” I hadn’t meant to whisper those words.

#Emori didn’t come into the cell she pressed herself back against the wall and watched with her good hand clamped over her  mouth. “Shit!” I muttered.

‘That’s one way to put it, John.’ Jackson said still too soft… still too…. Caring.

‘No… not m—” I held out the tablet. “#Emori looks so scared, I need to talk to her. I must have freaked her out.” I stood to  leave but #Jackson held a hand up and all the softness vanished so suddenly that it stopped me in my tracks.

‘That was what stood out to you in that video?’ He said firmly enough that I gave the respect of replying.

“Look, I get it… I  fucked up. I’m sorry… I’m a bad, bad boy and it won’t happen again. Can I go check on my friend now?” I mimicked slapping myself on the back of my hand as I spoke.

‘Do you think you're in trouble, John? Do you think you’re here to be  punished?’ He looked genuinely offended.

“I mean… yeah.. kind of.” I admitted and immediately felt stupid. He was a fucking doctor, not a torturer. “No… maybe… I don’t—” I ground my teeth in frustration.

‘Sit down.’ He said and to my own surprise, I sat.

He kept asking me his head-shrinking questions… but he (thankfully) never brought my mother or father up. I told him about the other attacks I could remember. When I was locked in the dog cage in the grounder camp… trying to escape the drop ship after I had hung #Bellamy... how I didn’t find out until later that one of the bullets I’d shot into the floor had hit Raven… most of them had happened in the bunker… But I knew there were probably others I couldn’t  remember right now. Maybe in solitary on the Ark?

‘Most of these episodes seem to happen when you are trapped or locked in… would you agree with that?’ He asked.

“I guess… But who wants to be locked up, right?” I shrugged.

‘Have you ever heard of Cleithrophobe?’ He asked.

“Oh yeah… sure have! I had it for dinner yesterday.” I rolled my eyes, #Jackson remained surprisingly stoic. I was impressed by how he’d adapted from mushy Doc Lite to this take-less-shit version of  himself, so I humoured him. “Is it the thing where people are afraid of elevators and shit?”

‘Claustrophobia? No. But it's close. It is the fear of being trapped or confined.’ I shuddered when he said it.

“Awesome! I learned two new words today… can I please go now?” I wasn’t liking where this was going.

‘John…’ Jackson leaned forward, making me lean back. ‘We can help you with your anxiety here, the med bay is well stocked. We can help you cope with all of these things. You were  tortured… you were locked up without any human companionship for three months. You almost died more times than you can count. No one survives all of that without serious Post Traumatic Stress. We can treat you and help you sleep.’

I shook my head fervently, and locked my hands together again… “Absolutely not… No. No way.”

‘There is no sha—’ I cut him off.

“You think I give a shit what people think?” I snapped. “You think this place is well stocked… enough to keep me medicated for five years?”

‘Maybe… depending on –‘ I cut him off again.

“And when we get back to earth and I’m good and dependant on what you were giving me? Hmm?” I sniffed. “Let’s say there’s enough of these meds for five years… then  what?”

‘We can explore other therapies in the meantime John… teach you ways to cope and manage this condition. The medication is just….’

“To make me compliant?” I snapped again.

‘No… to make you feel better, to minimise your anxiety and help you sleep.’ He had gone all soft again.

I stood up… feeling tremors moving over my skin. They wanted to lock in my nightmares now too. “No!” I said firmly.

‘You need…’

“All I need is for you people to stop fucking locking me up!” I screamed at him.

•— Raven —•

‘Rey, we need you.’ The voice came from behind as I attempted to rush to the med bay.

“I will be there shortly. I really ne—” I was cut off.

‘We need you right now. We are making some head way with the council; however, no-one is going to agree on the next steps until they actually understand the what’s and the how’s of the plan.’ I knew this was important, but my hazel eyes moved down the corridor I’d bee headed down.

“Griff it’s not rocket…” I stopped myself. I knew that this would be coming, and this was why I had been trying to understand the way this ship worked from the moment it had become a feasible plan. My feet slowed to a stop as I turner to face her. She was showered with freshly wet hair, wearing one of the jumpsuits we all had been given. “When are we planning the little show and tell?”

#Miles moved from my side to squeeze my hand. ‘I’ll go to see what’s happening.’ He asked with Clarke giving the two of us a look.

‘See what’s happening where?’ She asked confused with what she was missing.

“Nothing at all.” I  told #Clarke, then to #Miles. “No, we need you to help with the showing of the ship and it’s facilities.”

‘Okay, let’s get over to the sleeper deck.’ A name given to the deck that housed the cyro beds.  ‘I told them all I would bring you down there.’

All I could do was nod my head, my heart crying out that I was failing everyone. The harder I was trying to make this all work, the faster and hard my downfall came.

‘He is in good hands.’ #Miles whispered into my ear. I knew he was right. John with those he trusted, and I knew I would be the last face he wanted to see right now.

•— John —•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴇʀɪᴄ ᴊᴀᴄᴋꜱᴏɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

This boy in front of me was so broken… and the worst of it was that he just accepted everything that had happened to him. He didn’t want the sympathy or the help he deserved; he didn’t feel victimised. In John  Murphy’s world, imprisonment, torture… fear, pain and trauma were just facts of life.

And yet this was the boy that stole medicine to save a little girl… then sat and waited to see if it worked, knowing he would be caught with whatever else  he’d pilfered. The boy that carried a completely unconscious Raven Reyes through a hail of gunfire… some of those bullets were fired by my own hand. I was too young to remember when his father was floated, I was only a few years older than  most of the delinquents sent to Earth. But I had completed his physical after he was arrested and read in his file about how his father had stolen the same antibiotics that he had already failed to respond to. He had been malnourished and slightly dehydrated… it had clearly been ongoing for quite some time, and the fact that he had started drinking illegal alcohol at the age of twelve hadn’t helped the problem.

He bounced back quickly in the Skybox when the was no one  trading away his ration points for booze. He seemed to almost thrive in there for all the wrong reasons… He was a survivor.

But this boy stood over me right now speaking to me like I was the enemy… he wasn’t surviving. The only person he  was a danger to was himself. I looked at the notes in my hand… If I wrote that down I would change his life forever. The only option up here would be forced medication or confinement. Both those options were going to send him into a spiral.

I cleared my throat and stood up… ignoring his anger. I pulled open a drawer and pulled out a blank notebook… paper was so rare… but just like in the mansion; there seemed to be a notebook on every single desk on the ship; if not  several.

“Okay.” I shrugged. “No medication…” He started to speak, and I cut him off this time. “If! If you agree to write in this once a day… about your thoughts… feelings… anything that makes you anxious, even your dreams.”

He narrowed  his ice-blue eyes. ‘I was joking about the journal thing, you know.’

“Frankly, I think it was a brilliant idea. Every day, John…or I will have to recommend medication to the Chief of Medical. And I want to meet with you every three days to  see how you’re doing.”

He looked at the book. ‘Are you going to read this?’

“Only if you want me to.” I said honestly. I was just trying to start a journey of self-reflection here.

‘I wouldn’t know where to start.’ He laughed self-deprecatingly.

“Start by writing about the things you did during the day… it might take a while, but things will start to come. At least one page, every day.”

‘And no meds….’ He eyed me like I was slowly backing him into a trap.

“I  can’t promise that… not without cooperation on your part John. But if you try… really try. I’ll help you stand your ground if it comes to that.”

‘So, if the panic thing happens again… It’s not something I have control over.’

“It’s not about  the panic attack John… it’s about you are making irrational decisions and hurting yourself.” I explained in that unemotional tone he responded to.

He laughed out loud at this. ‘You think I want to hurt myself? Have you met me? Everything I do is about survival.’

“It used to be… Now. Everything you do is about the survival of three people, and you aren’t one of them.” This seemed to strike a chord with him. I tapped the book in his hands. “Every day.” I jerked my chin to the door  letting him know he could go if he wanted to. He did… “John.” I stopped him before he opened the door. “Don’t let anyone else read that… Like I said… I will read whatever you want me to and it won’t ever go any further. But no one else. Not even Abby, understood?” I felt instant guilt.

John nodded and waved the book at me as he left, and I stood where I was; wondering if I’d just made a huge mistake.

•— Raven —•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴄʟᴀʀᴋᴇ ɢʀɪꜰꜰɪɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

My mom, #Marcus, #MilesShaw, and Rey worked together walking the heads of the clans through the key points of cyro, my eyes were solemnly following Rey. Thinking to myself that she hides it well, the girl thought she was talented at hiding herself in plain sight. However, it was as far from the truth as we were from the sun.

Her and the pilot #MilesShaw had been whispering together all the way here to meet the others, and even now they shared looks when they thought no one watched them. But I was watching. Something was a miss here on the ship.

With the grounders… Sure we knew the clans would follow the winner of the conclave. But things changed the moment they all lay eyes on #Luna. On one side there sat a true nightblood. One they all knew to be a traitor, however still one of them. And on the other hand, there sat #Octavia the champion who won fairly. And still some of these people weren’t willing to let go. That was until Rey spoke to them in a language that touched hearts. But still they had a tension that we couldn’t break.

#Indra and #Octavia were both hanging back, they were learning as well as watching the grounders closely. I have to admit that #Indra was the best mentor our #Octavia could hope for. With Marcus on one side and #Indra on the other side. I could see this working.

‘Do you think they will trust us?’ #Nate and #bellamy were stood watching everyone with me.

‘They have no choice but to.’ #Bellamy said.

“This has to be their choice. If this is going to work.” Speaking low. “We cannot bulldoze them into doing this. O was right with that point.” #Bellamy looked shocked. “I do listen to what is being said you know.”

‘Yeah, but that doesn't mean you will agree.’

Lifting my chin over to Rey, I ask them both. “Does Rey seem okay to you both?”

#Bellamy replied first. ‘She’s not sleeping, she has a lot on her shoulders, and I believe she is beating herself up about the timeline of our return to Earth. So, no. I don’t think she is okay.’

‘She does seem to have built a friendship with #Shaw. Maybe that will help. Someone new to talk to?’ #Nate added.

Rey climbed into one of the pods, laying herself down for the others to see. Explaining how it will feel when people are put to sleep.

•— John —•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴇᴍᴏʀɪ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I sat in the medbay waiting while John spoke to the doctor. I had seen him have nightmares and he’d told me about the bunker; but seeing him like that… the fear in his eyes and hearing the way he gasped for air like a dying man, hit me hard. It was the first time I had truly seen how deep his scars ran.

When he finally came out he was holding a book and looked… better in some ways and worse in others. His eyes were still bloodshot and there was a red  bump on his cheek, his lip was swollen... again.

#Jasper made his way over to him. ‘Oh man… he gave you homework too.’

John gave half a smile. I wondered for a moment what the hell homework was and quickly decided that it probably didn’t  matter. Half of the things that came out of #Jasper’s mouth made no sense. He reached for John’s shoulder, pausing mid-motion like he was gauging his reaction before touching him… like you would with an unruly stallion so you didn’t get  bitten. He must have decided that John wasn’t going to bite because he set his hand on his shoulder and gave him a gentle shake.

‘You’ll be okay…’ #Jasper told him. I noted how he made a point not to ask if he was okay.

John nodded and  then walked over to me, he gave me that half smile and then he hugged me. ‘I’m sorry I freaked you out.’ He whispered, but I still heard how strained his voice was, from screaming or the panic attack; I didn’t know.

“It’s okay… I just didn’t know how to help.” I whispered back.

#Luna put her hand on his shoulder and turned him to face her. ‘John… Look at me... I need you to focus and hear this.’ John nodded and she continued. ‘Raven never planned on leaving you in that  cell. She gave me the key before she left.’

“I know.” He replied. “I know… I just…” He scrunched up his nose. “I know that now…” Something in his pocket beeped. He pulled out the screen he carried at all times now and exhaled. “I um… I  gotta go to work… the rations won’t pass themselves out.”

#Luna and I were both about to protest and tell him; No, the others could take care of it today… but Jasper spoke before we could. ‘No guys… Let him go. He'll be fine.’ He smiled at  John. ‘Right? Back to normal… whatever the hell that means.’

The boys clasped hands. ‘Whatever the hell that means’ John said. They smiled like it was an inside joke. I had spent a lot of time with these guys, and they had never made a joke like this before. Jasper told him he would stay with us... and I knew that was for John’s sake, that he would feel better if someone from Skaikru was with us. Because our safety was the real source of all his anxiety.

I waited for him to  leave, and I turned to Jasper. ‘Find out where Raven is. I need to talk to her. Now.’

•— Raven —•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʙᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

#Miles broke the news to us about Murphy’s last plan, and sure a part of me got it. There wasn’t a stone I wouldn’t turn, or a person I wouldn’t fight to keep #Octavia safe. And I had done my fair share of stupid things to keep my kid sister safe in the past. But… I would never have gone looking…. Wait… Who the Fuck are we kidding right now. If I wasn’t in the room where everything was going down. If I didn’t know that we had this all-in hand. I would have been right next to Murphy, looking for those weapons to keep #Octavia from fighting again.

Wait… Was I really agreeing with him now? I guess I was. But it didn’t mean I needed to tell anyone about it.

‘Well, what do we think? Will that be enough to stop the tensions on the ship? And will they agree with us on the path that needs to be taken?’ My sister stood with her legs apart and her arms crossed over her chest. Speaking with the others.

#Indra seemed to be considering her answer before saying anything. ‘Mebi em , Oso na souda hod op en ai op.’ (Maybe, we will have to wait and see.)

‘They need a little time; this is all a lot for them to comprehend. We gave them so much information to consider.’ #Abby moved towards the doors now with the others to leave and catch up with the grounders. Except for Raven. She had a deep worried look in her eyes.

“Rey what are you doing?” I asked her while watching her tired body moving slower across the room.

‘I need to change the door codes for each door leading up to here. As much as I want to trust every member of the new council, we know it would be a mistake to trust anyone until we have their answer and their word.’

I wanted to tell her she had more faith in the people on this ship than I did. And if she wasn’t fully sold on the fact that we could become one people up here. Then all bets were off.

‘Don’t stay too long Raven, you need to go to your room and get yourself some rest.’ #Marcus told her and then we all left.

I would have stayed with her, it looked like she needed a friend right now to talk to. But I couldn't leave my sisters side. Not right now.

We weren’t even half way down the corridor when #Jasper came running at us. ‘Have you guys seen Rey?’ He asked #Nate and me.

“What’s wrong?” I asked him.

‘Nothing, I just need Rey.’ He was out of breath. So, we pointed to the cryo room. But instead of running towards it. He ran off back the way he came.

“That boy has lost his mind.” I shook my head.  

•— John —•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴊᴀꜱᴘᴇʀ ᴊᴏʀᴅᴀɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I didn’t have time to explain myself to Bellamy… #Emori was hot on my heels, and it looked like she was on the warpath. I need to give Rey the heads-up. I typed in the code for the sleeper deck; the display beeped and flashed green, and I moved inside. I typed the next code into one of the sleeper rooms… but the display buzzed angrily and turned red. “What the…” Down the hall, I heard shuffling footsteps.

I made my way towards them and saw Rey with a tablet and an open locking panel… “Are we changing the codes?” I asked in confusion. “Never mind… #Emori is looking for you… but there’s something you need to know before she catches up… about John.”

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴊᴏʜɴ ᴍᴜʀᴘʜʏ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I made my way  to the mess hall, the two grounders assigned to help were already setting out the rations and the water bottles. I set the new journal on the table that separated us from the people coming to collect their evening meal.

Breakfast was a thick sludge-like excuse for porridge, it was packed with essential vitamins and minerals, and it tasted of nothing… which I suppose was preferable to something unpleasant. Dinner consisted of rock-hard but slightly sweet biscuits and  nutrition packs. These contained a paste with a nutty, slightly salty flavour. The children and one pregnant grounder woman on board got one of these with breakfast too. Each package was opened when it was being passed out to prevent the establishment of trading or sharing of rations that might lead to people going hungry to feed weaker family or clan members. After the assigned meal time was done, we delivered rations to those that weren’t able to make it to the  mess.

People began to trickle in, and I took names, marking them off of my list and they proceeded along the line where they were passed their ration and a small cup of water that was part of their larger daily ration. I blinked my  still-stinging eyes and shut out everything but my job. No fears. No emotion… no weird head-shrinking therapy session.

“Name, move along, next. Name, move along, next.”

Teaching the grounders to use the tech up here was complicated, and I wasn’t in the mood right now, I would teach them. But today… Each repetition convincing me I was burying all the feelings that were threatening to make me eject my stomach contents just like the radiation sickness.

•— Raven —•

Work, it was the only thing left for me to do up here. As much as I wanted to look for a way back down to earth, I knew I would have a fight on my hands. My eyes moved from the tablet in my hands to the windows, witnessing the plant we had began to call home burning before our eyes. And still I could see that the fire hadn’t consumed everything just yet.

There was still an area that could hold life, however my mind knew the facts. Even if the prime fire hadn’t reached that point, the radiation would have. No-one could survive the death which came with such agony.  

“Work” Whispering the word over and over again.

I had to trust in those who were working on peace on this ship, I had to trust in my judgement to bring others up here with us. These people were given a choice. Just as John had…

“John.” I closed my eyes taking a heavy sigh.

That boy, he wasn’t ever going to trust me. Not that he did now. It was clear. Whatever faith we had gained on the Island had been lost. But it felt like we were pushing and pulling. One moment, he would explain himself, he would look worried and concerned. And the other night, when he asked me to rest with him, showing me his, Emori, and Luna’s room. Asking me to trust him. To have faith. To rest my eyes while he watched over me.

He made me feel like we could rebuild what was lost. That maybe it wasn’t gone forever. And then he still went and did something like this. His actions telling a different story to his words.

Why did it hurt my heart so much? I knew why. ‘Because a friends betrayal stings deeper than that of a stranger’. At least this was what my mentor’s wife and my friend #SkylarSinclair used to say to us often.

The sound of the door opening behind me pulled me from a memory, and my eyebrow arched as #Jasper came rushing in.

“Uhm… Yeah.. We are—” He cut me off before I could explain why I was changing the door codes.

“What.. are you talking about? Why do you think you need to warn me about Emori coming?” His face was flushed, his eyes darting to the door.

‘Do you think you could change the lock on this door in the next sixty seconds?’ Was he joking?

 

•— John —•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴇᴍᴏʀɪ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

#Jasper had run off ahead of me… he was supposed to be helping me to find Raven. But it was easy enough to keep track of him. I just followed the trail of bewildered people he left behind as he speed-walked the hallways of the spaceship we called home now. #Luna followed me speaking trig and trying to tell me to stop and think. To calm down.

But I had done nothing but think about this, watching John and Raven avoiding one another since we made it up here.

They were both their own worst enemies, it was clear that they needed one another but for some reason, they were just doing everything they could to push the other further and further away. I knew why John was doing it… he was punishing himself.

I heard #Jasper and Raven talking just ahead, but I didn’t wait for an opening. “Raven!” I rounded the corner and put myself between #Jasper and Rey.

‘Shit… too late…’ Jasper whispered.

“What is wrong with you?” I continued speaking to Raven, ignoring Jasper. “John is drowning, and you just keep walking away. On the island If he’d walked away when you were pushing him away… sometimes literally…”

His current swollen lip was reminding me of the one she’d given him once. Not that she could be blamed for that any more than John could be blamed for what they were calling a panic attack.

“And if he had walked away from you like you keep doing, you’d have died long before you cured yourself. He made one  decision that you disagreed with and what?... You just cut him out of your life? He needs you.”

I was a little breathless by the time I finished. I hadn’t really known what I was planning on saying to her. And once I started talking everything just rushed out too fast. I had told John, again and again, to talk to her… not to tell her everything about how he felt because I knew that would end well for either of them. But they still needed one another… the bond they’d  grown on the island was strong… and even though neither of them would admit it; they were stronger together.

‘Um…’ Jasper cleared his throat. ‘So… just some context… John had a panic attack and I’m pretty sure #Jackson has blackmailed him  into starting therapy.’ Then he took two long strides backwards and I glared at him.

•— Raven —•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʟᴜɴᴀ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I was too late; I should have known better. Nothing good would come of the anger that had been bubbling under Emori’s skin. However, I did not see this coming.

My eyes were trained on #Emori burning daggers into her back as she spoke to Raven. But it wasn’t until I saw something in those broken hazel eyes, that my heart broke for the second time in the same day.

Witnessing John destroyed and frightened in the brig had felt like a knife to my heart. And again now! I knew no other in the room had noticed but I did. The moment #Emori’s words sank in, Raven stumbled back just before catching herself. Those expressive eyes of hers, which once lit up any room, and all the hearts around her when she smiled, were glistening with pain, with regret, with remorse. The same pain she had been living with since her return to find #Jasper, John, and me still on the island.  

I stepped up in between the two girls.  

“Daun nou ste ridiyo!” (That’s not true!) “Raven did not walk away—”

#Emori cut me off. ‘Yes, yes, she did. You saw It too. you saw what leaving John in that prison did to him.’

‘Emori, John wasn’t alone. We were all there.’ #Jasper tried to say. But it was Raven who I was looking back at.  

“Ai Stisis?” (Little Sister?) I whispered to bring her back from wherever her mind had taken her.

Raven just stood there, with her eyes dead to the world that existed around her. I couldn’t even see the darkness that once would have been telling me everything I needed.

“Ai Stisis?” (Little Sister?) I whispered again this time turning my full body to face her. “Dison laik nou ona Yu.” (This is not on you.) I knew that nothing I would say could help her now. My eyes dropped to her hands clasped around a tablet so tight that the whites of her knuckles were showing. The only sign that she was still here.

“Raven?” the hand I placed on her bicep jolted her out from wherever she had been.

‘Emori.’ Her voice was calm. A little too calm. ‘What is wrong with me?’ Her eyes were locked on the girl behind me as she stepped around to face her. ‘I am sick to death of people who only think of themselves asking me that question. What would have come of me if he had let me die? I would have been at peace now.’ The way she said this and then looked out the window down to our burning home, sent chills down my spine. ‘Will I cut him out of my life?’ She stepped closer to Emori as she whispered low, but I could still hear. ‘At least I don’t act like I am his friend, have him risk the life of everyone to save me, and then on the first opportunity that arose, leave him to die alone on a island he should never had been left on.’

Raven pointed to #Jasper and then me. ‘They were the only ones who were there with him. I recall collecting you from Polis where you were saving your own arse. So, as much as I know you both think you are some hard nut survivors. I am not. I cannot forget that those I love were put in danger, I cannot forget that those I cared for, were left to pick up the mess that is caused time and time again because He and You still don’t understand that you are a part of this family. So, maybe… just maybe… I am done trying to show you. I am broken, and I am the one that is realising that maybe I was wrong. That you and he don’t want to be in our family. So… Maybe…. I am giving you and him… what you both want…. To be free of all that comes as part of me thinking of you both as family…. Maybe… I am….’

She didn’t finish off her words. Just walked away without looking back.

#Jasper and I stood there letting Raven’s words sink in. #Emori followed Raven with her eyes. ‘Raven! Wait!’ but I took a hold of her arm keeping her in place.

“Wochas ona riskiwe, Emori. Krei nopro na drop yu trei klin nami. Em  na fleim au Yu en em.” (Be careful of the dark, Emori. It’s too easy to lose your way. It will burn you and her.)

•— John —•

I scrolled through the list of names, there were many that I knew were still sick or injured and unable to make it here to get their rations. But there were so many others today skipping meals. Of course, Raven was among them. It wasn’t the first time either… It was worrying how many meals she’d likely missed. And who knew if she was eating what was being dropped to her room or not?

Adding onto that #Luna, #Emori and #Jasper were no-shows today too. On top of the usual  suspects that I was beginning to think we’re happy to believe I was a delivery boy. #Octavia was a bloody grounder Queen and even she could show up and collect her own rations. But #Clarke and #Bellamy? Apparently, they were too important for  that. But today I sent the grounders to drop off most of the rations.

The last place I wanted to be was back in the med bay. I wasn’t sure where to find her… so I went to Raven’s room… Since I had no idea where that was, I had to check the  list in the database that I was only allowed access to because I was responsible for the food. On the way to her room, I spotted #Shaw walking towards me. I kept walking with my eyes glued to the tablet… hoping that I could just walk by as  if I hadn't even seen him. I wasn’t in the mood to make small talk with the guy that locked me up.

‘Are you looking for Raven?’ He looked around the hallway like he was an Alpha Station privy and I was a Farm Station grunt that didn’t know my  place. But I wasn’t going to let him think he was getting to me by walking by him when there was no chance I hadn’t heard him.

“I’m looking for a lot of people actually… including you.” I reached into the pack I was carrying and handed him  his rations. “Your shift cycle put you on the last pick up and you didn’t show. I’m not a delivery boy. Next time you can go hungry.” I took a step to keep going. He cut me off.

‘Actually… I’m pretty sure delivering rations is in your job description.’ He was far too smug, thankfully I was so exhausted right now that I didn’t have the energy to be angry.

“For the medical staff and the wounded. You are neither. If you don’t mind… I have drop-offs for people that actually  need it.” I tried to move again, and he stopped me.

‘Like Raven…’ He was still smirking. ‘She’s not in her room, but I can take it to her.’

“I can handle it… thanks.” The thanks stung a little.

‘I really think you should just let me do it… and just leave Raven alone. I have no idea what the history is with you two… but it's clear she wants it to be done. And I think it would be better for her if you just… left her alone.’ He looked so superior and all I could do was laugh at him, imagining what Raven would say to him if she heard him trying to speak for her.

“I know you haven’t known her for very long… But I’m sure you know that she has no problem voicing her own opinions… and trust me she has several opinions of me… She’s made that extremely clear.” I tried again to get passed him.

‘Or… maybe she’s worried you’d… fall apart if she told you to kick rocks… or… you just can’t take a hint.’ He put his hand on my chest to stop me… I  clenched my jaw.

‘Is there a problem here?’ A gravelly voice that was all too familiar came from behind us and I groaned.

‘Not at all.’ #Shaw stood straighter, and I smirked. What a kiss ass.

‘John?’ #Kane’s brow rose.

“Just trying to  get to work… But Officer Shaw here was worried his pants made his ass look fat… I was just reminding him that all bodies are beautiful.” I smirked and #Kane rolled his eyes.

‘It’s Lieutenant actually.’ #Shaw spoke through gritted teeth.

“Cool.” I smiled. “Ever kill a guy?”

‘Have you?’ He bit right back and smirked.

I just fixed him with a stare.

‘I think that’s enough of that, don’t you both have work to do?’ #Kane moved between the two of us and Shaw backed off.

‘Yeah… I have better things to do with my time.’ #Shaw said as he walked off.

I waited until he got a few feet down the hall and called after him. “Hey, Lieutenant…. That ass though!” I winked and blew him a kiss.

#Kane gripped my arm  and turned me away, walking me further along the corridor. ‘What is wrong with you?’ He hissed quietly. ‘You know our lives depend on these people, right?’

“Thank you, Jaha.” I grumbled…. “And no, they don’t; we have people that can run this ship with no problem.”

‘You need to get your act together, son—’

“I’m no one's son… I’m sure you remember that, right… you were right next to Jaha when he floated my father, weren’t you? Oh, and wasn’t you that ordered me placed into that pathetic excuse of a care centre after my mom drank herself to death on the moonshine you failed to stop the illegal sale of?” I smiled again. I had no idea where all of this was coming from… but the run-in with #Shaw had me on edge and my defences were razor-sharp. I just couldn’t stop it. “Thought so…”

I really wanted to stop it.

‘All of this anger is going to kill you, John… What were you even doing here before you tried to pick a fight with our pilot?’ I bit my tongue…  telling him that the soldier boy had approached me and then consistently stopped me from walking away was a waste of breath and I was just too tired.

I told him I was looking for Raven and the others because they had skipped yet another meal. He told me where to find them.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴇᴍᴏʀɪ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I was dumbstruck… this was all my fault. I was the reason she could hardly stand to look at John. All because he tried to save me… Had I truly been the reason that John lost the woman that he loved… even if he could never have that kind of relationship with her.

I was the reason that they couldn’t even be friends… I had driven the wedge between the two of them and stolen the finite amount of peace they gave each other. Not that either of them knew it. But #Luna and I did, the only time they ever got a moment of sleep worth having, was when the other was close by.

I just stood there… unable to speak or think…

Until a door swished open, and someone  stepped in. “John…” I said, stunned. His lip was still swollen but the mark on his cheek seemed to be less red and angry.

‘What the…’ He blinked and looked around. ‘What’s going on?’

•— Raven —•

‘I didn’t expect to find you here?’ #Lizzy’s soft voice broke me out of my daze as I sat on the spare chair beside #Dela’s bed.

“I hadn’t planned to come here. I wanted to be in a place where I could see something that has been done right… something I had done that was for the good of someone.” Replying without breaking my eyes away from the girl. “My feet carried me here.”

‘She’s a special young lady for sure.’ Taking #Dela’s vitals #Lizzy wrote them down.

“How is she doing now?” The young girl looked so small on the bed; her dark hair matted to her forehead as they kept her as comfortable as they could.

‘Our Dela is a little fighter, like I tell her parents, we will take each day as it comes.’ It was as good as it was going to be. ‘Now, shouldn’t you be in the mess hall having your dinner?’

Shaking my head. “I’d rather be here. Somewhere I cannot mess things up.” #Lizzy paused before leaving me to it.

Uncertain of the amount of time that had passed before I began to speak to the girl. “I don’t know if you can hear me in there. But I want you to know you aren’t alone.” Taking out the tablet I brought with me. “I remember reading somewhere that listening to music, or hearing people speaking to you can help. So, I hope you don’t mind me reading you a story.”

Retrieving the book that I have read three times by now on the tablet, I began to read from the title page.

“Cinder by Marissa Meyer.

Chapter 1 THE SCREW THROUGH CINDER'S ANKLE HAD RUSTED, THE engraved cross marks worn to a mangled circle. Her knuckles ached from forcing the screwdriver into the joint as she struggled to loosen the screw one gritting twist after another. By the time it was extracted far enough for her to wrench free with her prosthetic steel hand, the hairline threads had been stripped clean. Tossing the screwdriver onto the table, Cinder gripped her heel and yanked the foot from its socket. A spark singed her fingertips and she jerked away, leaving the foot to dangle from a tangle of red and yellow wires. She slumped back with a relieved groan. A sense of release hovered at the end of those wires--freedom. Having loathed the too-small foot for four years, she swore to never put the piece of junk back on again. She just hoped Iko would be back soon with its replacement.”

A sound from behind me had me sit up in the chair to look around as to where it had come from. #Dela’s father stood there in the shadow of the med bay smiling.

‘Beja dula op nou hod op.’ ( Please do not stop. ). ‘Dela loves stories from the imagination of others.’ He stepped forward so that now I could see him in the dim light.

“Oh, uhm. This isn’t my story. A lady from the year 2011 by the name of Marissa Meyer wrote and published it.” Saying as I pointed to the device in my hands.  “It’s a story of a young girl,  who is brave and strong. So… I thought Dela may enjoy it.”

‘Just like our Dela.’ He whispered stepping around the covered bed, placing his hand over it as close to touching her as was possible for him at this time. His eyes glistened with unfallen tears, however his lips still smiled even if it didn’t reach his eyes. ‘You are a brave girl too Raven. Intelligent, and strong.’

I didn’t say anything, because right now I felt none of those things.

‘The way you took your time to explain the… bag gon ridop raun?’ ( Beds to sleep in? ) Confusion across his face.

“The cryo beds.” I helped him.

‘Yes. The cryo beds. My people will need a little time. But. I am sure it will be something we will agree to.’ Only now did I notice the changes on his face. #Dela, her mom #Spring, and her dad #Delano were all of the Trishanakru. These were people of the Glowing Forest who believed in the land as their provider. Tattoos on some of their foreheads told of their beliefs and the ranking of their place in the tribe.

#Delano’s soft smile and the light touch to his forehead told me he saw the recognition. ‘My people have named me as their voice. As their...’

“Their ambassador?” I finished to help again, and he nodded his head.

‘So, you see. With everything you and your people have done for us. for our Dela. I am indebted.

“Thank you, Ambassador Delano. For believing in what we are putting forward.” I stood up and he waved me to sit in the chair.

‘Chof gon bilaik don dula gon Ai fyucha, en Oso kru.’ ( Thank you for all you did for my baby, and our people. ) #AmbassadorDelano, left me to read to his daughter. Telling me that it would be an honour to let me sit with #Dela while she healed.

Closing my eyes, I let the tears that I’d been holding back fall. Finally, maybe just maybe I could do right by some of the souls on this ship. Opening the tablet, I continued where I’d left off.

“Cinder was the only full-service mechanic at New Beijing's weekly market. Without a sign, her booth hinted at her trade only by the shelves of stock android parts that crowded the walls. It was squeezed into a shady cove between a used netscreen dealer and a silk merchant, both of whom frequently complained about the tangy smell of metal and grease that came from Cinder's booth, even though it was usually disguised by the aroma of honey buns from the bakery across the square. Cinder knew they really just didn't like being next to her.”

•— John —•

Emori told me everything… including all about how she’d come to the conclusion that it was all her fault. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t convince her that the only thing I regretted about all that had happened on the island was, that  I didn’t keep looking for Raven until I found her; to tell her my plan. And that I would do it again if I believed it was the only way to keep her safe.

She eventually relented but I knew I hadn’t changed her mind. Maybe time would?

She and #Luna returned to the room, and I went to look for Raven. I didn’t go back to her room… I had a feeling that she wouldn’t be there, and that I would run into #Shaw again nearby… like the creep I was starting to see he was.

I knew what Raven did when she was trying to keep herself from spiralling… she took care of people.

On my way to the med bay, I met Dela’s father. ‘Ah… the young healer.’ He spoke to me in his own language. And gripped my forearm in the way of his  people.

“Not anymore… now I just pass out the food.” I chuckled.

‘In my village… in the winter, things were hard. If we didn’t preserve enough meat before winter people would go hungry. We began pooling our resources as a community. The  person chosen to assign those resources was highly respected… trusted.’ Delano said, but I didn’t let the words sink in. I was the only person that spoke Trig and wasn’t one of the elites… hence… delivery boy duties.

“Maybe.” I gave a smile. The Trishanakru man placed a hand on the back of my neck and pulled me in until his tattooed forehead touched mine. Another tradition of his people… a high honour from someone appointed to his status.

‘You are a healer… you saved my  little one. You will always be a healer.’ He said quietly and stepped away. ‘The clever one is inside with Dela… telling her a story. You know who I mean… the pretty one?’

I laughed softly. “Sure... I know who you mean.”

I moved to the  door of the med bay and saw Raven sitting there… reading from the screen, I listened for a moment and stepped inside. “Just so you know… she’s heard this one… It was my sloppy retelling… but… I like to think I did a good job summarising the story.”

I moved further inside and stuffed my hands into my pockets. “I’m sorry… that #Emori blew up like that. She just… She’s worried about me and she… she thought she was protecting me. I guess we all do crazy shit when we think we’re protecting the people we care about. But It’s my fault… not hers. It’s hard for her here. She’s afraid.”

•— Raven —•

Stopping mid-paragraph wasn’t acceptable for me, so I continued to read until the end, all as a barrage of emotions consumed me. Questions filled my head while I attempted to take in the story I wanted to tell the sick girl.

How had he found me?

Was he looking for me?

Why had he come after what I’d done?

What was I even going to say to him?

All the while I didn’t dare to glance up from the tablet in my hands, because I wasn’t ready for this. I wasn’t ready to step out of the silo I’d created with #Dela, #Cinder, and myself. And yet here he stood.

“You gave Dela your version, and I gave her the correct one.” My eyes moved over to the girl who lay there as if she were fast asleep and not forced into a medical induced coma . “Now she has a choice of which one to believe and dream of.”   Finally lifting my eyes up towards his direction.

The swell of his lips hadn’t disappeared, the bruises still visible, the mark on his cheek not as red however, it was still noticeable from where I sat. Add to it that he looked weak and tired, all the glow and the wellness of our time on the island slowly vanishing before my eyes. How much I had failed him now resonating deeper within my soul, the facts, and the internal turmoil I had been drowning in before he stood here escalating in me.

I wanted to ask him so many questions. I wanted to shout at him, to shake him. But none of that belonged between Reyes and Murphy. Those emotions had been the heart of a friendship that belonged to John and Raven.

With this realisation, I set the tablet down on the side, pushing myself up from the chair. “I’m guessing you came here to spend time with Dela too. I won’t keep you from her.” Only now noticing the rations he was carrying along with him.

Frowning my eyebrows pulled together making me feel the ache in my head more prominently. Rubbing my fingers into the bridge of my nose I kept my voice low as I asked. “Please… Please tell me you aren’t stealing rations because you are planning to do something stupid again?”

•— John —•

I pressed my lips together to stifle a chuckle. It was such a Raven thing to do; it had been a shitty day… so I took the small moment, as Raven would say. She ignored me and kept reading. I stayed leaning against the door frame until she was  ready to speak with me. My temper and impatience and restlessness seemed… More manageable around her. I would like to say that it disappeared… but it was still all there, looming in the back of my mind like a dark cloud.

“I didn't have a copy of the book.” I let out that chuckle now. “I had to improvise.”

I chewed on my cheek and looked at the floor. “I um… I haven’t been around much…” I looked over at the office doors where #Abby and #Jackson were likely sequestered; working… I couldn’t remember the last time I saw them not working… much like the woman standing before me. “They don’t want me here anymore.”

I saw her eyes drifting to the bag in my hand… and her words… there it was. That dark cloud, threatened to take me over again. Not like the panic attack, it was anger… fear. The irrational thoughts of what could happen to me if I was caught stealing… even though I knew Raven would never truly accuse me… or even report me if I was guilty. But there it was; the image of my father outside the Ark… floating. My too-vivid imagination drew me into his place. I took a breath. I wanted to ask her if she truly thought so little of me. Where did she think I could go? But I  quelled all of that... a feat that would be impossible if I was stood here with anyone else.

“These are yours actually… you missed your evening rota again. The others are for The Docs and Lizzie… the patients that can eat solids… they  normally can’t leave the med bay for long, so I bring their rations here.” My pale blue gaze settled on hers. I handed her one of the packages. “Twice a day… every day. The same for the elderly and the wounded in the dorms or staterooms… Same for the Arkadians and Alpha Station prigs that think they are too good to come and pick up their own food just like everyone else.”

I clenched my jaw and let the self-hatred pour into me… “I was doing well there until the end, wasn’t I?” I pinched the bridge of my nose.

•— Raven —•

Rubbing my hands over my face I stood there. And there it was again, that vast crater that had come in between the two of us had just grown some more. Why did I do this? Why was I so certain that whenever I saw him, he would be up to no good? That voice in my head telling me that it was because he was always up to no good, that’s why.

However, that wasn’t the truth now and his answer hit me like a slap on the face. My hand lifted and reached out to take the packet he handed over to me. Seeing that this was something he did? He walked around the ship handing people their food so that they didn’t miss out of any of their food rations.

“Yeah, your explanation was even believable up until the last part.” Is that what I was now? “Thank you for taking the time to bring this Alpha Station prig her meal. But so you know… I’m not from Alpha station. And I am not hungry, which is why I didn’t come to take this today.” Holding the packet up, out of the corner of my eyes, seeing an older lady a sleep looking so weak as though she hadn’t eaten in weeks. She would be the one I would leave this pack to. I told myself.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to accuse you…” Did I? No! that hadn’t been my motivation. No matter how it sounded like… I had wanted a head start if he needed to be taken out of the brig again.  “I just needed a heads up in case you planned…” I couldn’t finish that thought. Because I didn’t want to think of the things this boy could be planning in his head. And there was no way, I wanted to feed his ideas.

“What did you mean by they don’t want you in here? I cannot imagine Abby, Jax, and Lizzy saying no to another set of hands in here?” with my gaze moving over the sleeping forms in the med bay I could see how they could run out of hands if things weren’t managed well.  

•— John —•

I groaned and squeezed the bridge of my nose even harder. Shit!! How did I manage to fuck so much up with one damned sentence?

“No… Raven. Not… you’re Mech St---” That point was totally irrelevant. “I mean #Griffin and… okay #Bellamy was Mech station too, but he’s basically one of them since he joined the guard. Even #Octavia can make it to the mess to pick up her own food and she’s the damn grounder queen. I don’t mean you… unlike them; you don’t just expect me to search the ship and delivery you yours twice a day.”

I set the bag on the nearest table and sighed. I couldn’t blame her for thinking the worst… I hadn’t given her any reasons to think any better of me. But did she really think I was planning on  stealing from the stores? It was probably just a matter of time before I did something stupid like that. I dragged my hand through my hair… what the fuck was wrong with me? I mean… other than the things Doc Lite listed off earlier.

“As soon  as most of the patients were discharged and they didn’t need anyone to clean wounds or translate; they couldn’t get me out of here fast enough… I guess they don’t need to settle for me anymore now that they had Lizzie.” I said the last part  a little softer… it was likely #Lizzie was in here somewhere; I didn’t want her to think I was talking badly about her. Despite our rough start, she was actually kind of badarse… now that I’d gotten to know her a little over puss-filled boils and while cleaning various bodily discharges. “It makes sense… but, apparently, I’m still bitter.” I gave her the best sarcastic smile I could muster.

•— Raven —•

Rubbing my forehead now I dropped my head. What was wrong with us? What was wrong with him? “You think Griff and Bells want you to walk around the ship looking for them?”

My voice remained low because I was out of steam, and I wasn’t about to shout at him. Pointing to the door while speaking. “They are stuck in a room full of people who could start a war on this ship. And if you haven’t noticed, if blood is spilled up here. We are all screwed. They aren’t out to get you or show you your place, Murphy. They are trying to keep the clans calm until they fully cooperate under the leadership of Octavia.

You know how they reacted when they learnt Luna was on the ship. This is all taking time, and Marcus wants it done behind the closed doors, so not to spread misinformation or mayhem through the people on board.”

However, now my concern grew. “But if you can think like this, I wonder what others are thinking, saying and doing?” This I said  more to myself. “Discord is contagious...”

Shaking my head. “Also, don’t do that. Don’t kick yourself in the arse. You did it down there. And you are doing it again. You bring a lot to the table. And maybe Abby saw that you didn’t want to be in here. Have you thought of it that way? She never stopped you from helping on the ground. But things up here…. We all are returning up into space with our own baggage.”

My voice had a shudder in it, so I cleared my throat before speaking again.

“You have a job that someone can only do if they are truly trusted. You can speak to everyone, your trig, the way you talk to the young ones, it all makes you someone they all trust. So… don’t… just don’t… not believe in the work you’re doing.”

Holding my spare hand out now. “Hand me the meals for the others, I will go find them and give them out. And I will come take their meal pack from now. So, you don’t have to go looking for people you dislike so much.”

•— John —•

“I don’t think they give me enough consideration to want anything from me. They just expect it.” I murmured the words… I knew how it sounded, but I also knew it was mostly true. “Maybe that's the problem… maybe they aren't the people that  should be in there…” Then I stopped… I blinked and shook my head as her words sank in. Was Raven Reyes telling me to fall in line and follow the lead of others; even when I disagreed with the way they made those decisions?

“Discord? Do you  really believe I have any influence over what people think?” I dragged my hand over my face, I kept my voice low for two reasons. One… I was not pissed off at Raven. Two; #Dela looked like she was sleeping. Though I knew with the cocktail of drugs they had her on, I could shake her and she wouldn’t wake up. “I’m not trying to start an uprising, Raven. I’m just trying to…” I stopped… and didn’t say; Talk to you… about the things that made me want to be Murphy instead of  John… And that she was the only person that made that possible. I wanted to tell her I wasn’t planning on letting them shove me into some glass coffin for five years either, but I was hoping it might not come to that.

“#Abby knew I wanted  to stay here, she said if I was needed, she would call on me… but with #Lizzie and Clarke I wasn’t needed and they had formal training.” I rolled my eyes #Clarke’s interest in the medical field had died with #Lexa. “My language skills were  needed… or so I was told… the Princess could hardly be expected to hand out rations.”

Part of me supposed that learning Trig could be the one thing that kept them from floating me at the first second they deemed me disobedient. I sighed  heavily… I knew that it was pointless… “Baggage… yeah. Give it another week and I’ll be mopping floors again. And I’m not asking you to do the job for me, Raven. But you’re…” There was no point in telling her what it was like… she knew the  disrespect Farm Station got… it was no different from Mech Station. But Raven had made herself useful from an early age, she was clever… she had skills. I wasn’t intelligent, I wasn’t particularly strong… I had started to think I had a knack  for the med bay… but I was just in the way now… “Right… I need to just remember my place.” I managed not to add Before they lock me up again.

What #Delano said to me in the hall came back. But this wasn’t the same. Trust? People didn’t trust me… They would be stupid to trust me. “No one trusts me, Raven… Maybe Emori… But she shouldn’t. I’m sure it's only a matter of time before I let her down again too.”

•— Raven —•

“Griff has no interest in being in here, we all know it and have witnessed it…..” I started but then found myself stopping because my voice had raised a little.  

For the fourth time in as many minutes, once again I was asking myself…. What was happening to the two of us? We had never been ‘Friends’, on the ark. I hadn’t even said more than a few words to him before he stopped coming to classes, because he’d been locked up. When I’d come down to earth, I’d even tried to send this boy to his death all in the names to save #Finn. But even then. We had somehow accomplished something on the path to familiarity while we were on #Becca’s Island.

Sighing my hazel eyes stung from the flow of emotions from the memories brought back. The late nights full of conversations, the helping one another with whatever was needed, the joking and jabbing that was never taken in malice. And now… Now we cannot even pass one another without leaving in some form of hurt or pain.

Looking around the room I saw the small area #Jax and #Abby used, taking Johns arm I pulled him the best I could.

“Come with me, we cannot talk here.” I told him. Setting the packet in my hand down on the bed beside the older woman asleep two beds down from #Dela I didn’t stop until we were in the small space, and I partly close the door.

Still keeping my voice low while I took my jacket off and set it down on the table. My hands moved to tighten my ponytail, before turning to face him.

“I am not saying you are about to start anything here. I am not telling you what to say or do. I am not even saying don’t ask questions. All I am saying is… Why… why can’t you wait until there is some form of alliance in place?” Biting on my lips I wasn’t saying what it was I was really feeling.

“You know what. No… I’m not even saying that… You know what I am saying….” I took a step closer to look him in his blue eyes.

“I am saying I am sorry….I am sorry I left you behind when you begged me to bring you… I am sorry that I didn’t unlock the brig the second I saw you in there. Because I know what causes you pain… I knew where your fears are… and I messed the fuck up! I am saying… Why are we so broken that you have just stopped yourself a number of times mid-sentence instead of just telling me what is happening in your mind… We used to talk before we were broken…. And I don’t like this…. I don’t like being broken from someone who stayed up nights to keep me alive… someone I once thought of as a friend….

That’s where Emori has the upper hand… She hasn’t given up on you. She will never stop trusting you. She cornered me to let me know how shit I am. And I have to agree with her.”

The words came in a torrent that had no plans of stopping until it had all been shared.

•— John —•

She was right about Clarke… as soon as #Abby landed #Clarke had stopped acting as the medic, and even I could see at the time that she was needed elsewhere. Her bond with #Lexa made her essential in the leadership of Skaikru… at least until the #Heda abandoned our people in Mount Weather.

I wasn’t stupid enough to think that I was indispensable in the medbay… but there was something about it that had spurred me to want to learn. When I was looking after people other than Raven. When #Abby and Lizzie were teaching me more than the very specific tasks I needed to help Raven when she was seizing.

A new desire I hadn’t felt before had taken root, a desire to learn more. But that was out of reach now.

When she took my arm there was no question that I was going to follow her. It reminded me of the many times I had taken her by her arm or her wrist and guided her to bed… her bed in the Mansion or the bio bed in the lab when she was close to death. I said nothing about the rations she slipped next to the older woman, there would have been no point… and something told me that she needed  to feel like she was helping another soul… even though everything she did ensured the survival of everyone on this ship.

I let her speak… lord knows that I had bombarded her with far too many words when I had started this conversation. Guilt swelled in my chest, I remembered… begging her -with tears pricking my eyes- not to leave me behind, because when people left they never came back. I knew I had nothing of value to offer the mission, my motives were based on fear. A fear of dying on the island where I had been imprisoned, entirely alone for three months. Because that island… without Raven… was nothing more than the prison that forced me to put a gun to my head. Without Raven, it wasn’t home. Tears threatened as I remembered giving her the bullet I had taken from that gun to never forget.

She had said so much I didn’t know where to start. My heart was struggling to beat like it was being squeezed. It was so clear she was in pain. And I didn’t mean her leg.

So, I started with the problem that was preventing us from talking about all the rest of it… the broken  friendship.

“I hate this too Raven. I miss you… I miss the way things were with us… The reason I keep stopping myself from speaking is because all I want to do is ask you to forgive me for all the stupid things I’ve done, and I know I don’t have the right to do that.”

I stepped closer to her.

“And #Emori doesn’t think about you like that… I scared the shit out of her today. And All she knows is that I’m… Better … around you and now… She just doesn’t understand that you are being part of my life isn’t going to fix the fact… That I’m  actually insane. Please don’t hold it against her, it was me… I…” did she know what had happened to me? She’d mentioned not unlocking the brig. Had someone told her about my panic attack? “I frightened her… and she took it out on you, which was shitty, and I told her that. But she didn’t say all of that out of malice.”

I took another deep breath and stepped another half-step closer to her, locking onto those hazel eyes of hers, the hints of gold hidden in their depths had dimmed out of sight from exhaustion.

“You don’t need to apologise to me, Raven. Yes, you left… Yes, I had begged you not to leave me behind. But you…” My voice failed and my throat swelled almost completely shut. “You came back. No one has ever come back for me, but then you… came back from outer fucking space, for me.” I knew that she’d  come back for all of us… but the second I saw the streak of fire in the dusty night sky all I had felt was that she was coming for me. “And all I want; more than anything else is for you to let me prove to you that it wasn’t a mistake. I’ve tried… and I fucked it up. I can’t do it without you, Rey.”

•— Raven —•

“Of course, I came back for you… I told you.. I promised I was coming back.” My hand went into my jumpsuit pocket and came out curled around the one thing he gave me before I left him on earth. Reaching out I took his hand again, setting the item in his palm and closing his fingers around it. “I promised… I promised…”

John Murphy… He’d just said he missed me? Did that mean that there were still chances for us to save this tattered friendship? I don’t know how it happened, or when. The only thing I know is that I took another step forwards, wrapping my arms around his neck. Resting my chin on his shoulders I hugged him so tight; I didn’t want to let go. With my eyes closed I just held him to me.

Time passed; I wasn’t even certain how long it was before my dry lips formed words. “I missed you too. You and Luna… you became my world on that island. Without the two of you, I feel like I’m lost… like I’m missing my arms as well as my heart.” Telling him the truth was the only way we could heal. The only way we could move on from everything that has occurred here.

“Don’t be mad at Emori, she is looking out for you. I know what she said was true, I don’t have a leg to stand on. She saw something that… like you said… She was terrified of what she saw… Of what happened when I turned my back on you…”

Still holding on to him for dear life. “It was shitty of me to do that. No matter if I didn’t mean it. That Leaving was my way to make sure we didn’t say anything that would break this… us even more… However, I get it. I get that you needed me to step up for you… To question why you were in there…. And I failed you.”

Lowering my voice now still holding on to him. to I hoped my friend. “Will you every forgive me? Can we rebuild, or is it gone forever? I don’t want to do this without you… without my friend… Without my sister… Please, John… Can we try to fix this?”

My eyes stung, I didn’t realise  my breathing had become sporadic the more I thought of the way we used to be, to the way we were now.

•— John —•

I didn’t take my eyes off her. I didn’t need to, to know what it was she was closing into my palm. It felt heavy; like the weight of it could drag me to the ground. She didn’t understand what I meant…. She thought I hadn’t believed she’d come back. But what I meant was that  when people leave… they die, and you never see them again.

I was about to tell her as much when she pulled me into a hug. She smelled like machine oil and sparks… and Raven. It silenced me, and my arms came around her and I held onto her as tightly as I thought I could  without hurting her. She was close enough that I could feel her chest rise when she took a breath. I remembered so many nights with that comforting, monotonous beeping that became my lullaby… watching her chest rising and falling just to know that she was still alive. Now  that breath was warming my skin through the stiff, utilitarian fabric of the jumpsuit.

I didn’t dare say a word in case I said something stupid that would ruin this. She didn’t pull away.

She. Didn’t. Pull. Away.

I let out a breath that almost sounded like a sob, when she  told me she missed me… every emotion possible flooded me. “You were never lost Rey, never. I – “ I corrected myself. “We never lost sight of you, not for one moment. We were there, just… at a distance. But always there.” My hand moved a little on her back, about to rub her  back in a gesture of comfort… but… would that be, okay? I had no idea. So, I stopped myself.

“I’m not mad at her… and you shouldn’t be either. She just didn’t know what was happening and she blamed you. She knows that she shouldn’t have… but I think that is something for  you and her to talk about.”

“You couldn’t have known… if I hadn’t been so worked up, I would have seen you pass the key to #Luna. It’s not the kind of thing that I would normally miss. And I’m sorry I couldn’t hold onto my faith in you to know you’d never have left me in  there. I knew that… I did… but it's like something locked away everything logical in my mind and I couldn’t reach it.”

Her voice had lowered, and it made my chest ache because it sounded like she might start to cry any second. My hand clenched; I could feel the bullet there  making an imprint on my palm. “There’s nothing to forgive, Raven. Nothing. And we don’t have to try…” Her voice was breaking, and I held her tighter. “This can be it; this can be what fixes everything. We get to choose that, don’t we? We get to choose each other over anything else that’s happened if we both want it, don’t we? Because that’s the only thing I’ve wanted since we made it up here.”

•— Raven —•

As much as I would like to have stopped them, the tears began to roll freely down my cheeks, and I now resigned myself to them. Never had I been one to hide myself and my emotions from the others, however these tears felt like they were leaving me naked on the periphery of a path there would be no turning back from.

But this is what we needed. Both John and I… we needed the truth to come out because the alternative would be the end. And end there would be no coming back from.

Listening to him speaking had kept me from spilling over my emotions even further, however each word weighted heavily on my chest. Even now, even after all the turmoil I had caused him and the others. He… they still had some form of faith in me?

One question looped over and over again in my mind. ‘How is this so?’

Emori… I knew that I would need to have an open and honest conversation with her too. “I understand why she said what she did, and I think I understand…” I cut off feeling the lump in my throat doubling in size. Clearing it wasn’t as easy as it should have been. So, I gave myself a moment before continuing. “I will talk with her.”

It was now that I noticed that I was still holding on to him so tightly, and I couldn’t let go. He was giving me an easy out, however I wouldn’t forgive myself. “You couldn’t have seen clearly at the time John. It is a lot to experience all at once. And then on top of it...” Pulling back now I cupped his face, with my eyes searching his out. “Logical? It’s the last thing to expect from yourself at a time like that. You have nothing to apologise for, you said sorry before, I just couldn’t accept it because I couldn’t see how I could face you and all that happened.”

Letting my hands drop I took a step back allowing myself a moment to face the boy I had wronged and allowing his forgiveness to soak into my soul. Some part of me still disbelieving the fact that I had brought us in here to go head-to-head. With the knowledge if we couldn’t solve whatever it was keeping us apart, the five years on this ship would be spent attempting to never cross paths with him. And that… I couldn’t live with…

Stepping back in, I hugged him again. “This is it… this is what fixes it… I want it, John… I want my friend back.” I hadn’t been paying attention to the sounds outside of the office, so when the door flew open behind me with the sound of a gasp.

‘I’m…. sorry… I didn’t know the room was occupied.’ #Abby stood with her gaze travelling from one face to the other. ‘Does this mean there is a truce once again?’ Her eyes and shoulders relaxing as she waited.  

•— John —•

Holding onto her was both the easiest and hardest thing I had ever done. I felt the front of my jumpsuit growing damp… and wanted to tell her not to cry. Everything would be okay… but I couldn’t know that. And if she needed to cry then why the hell shouldn’t she? I couldn’t deny the tears on my own cheek either. I rested my chin on the top of her head. Hoping that maybe she wouldn’t realise that teas rolled over my cheeks too.

“It’s okay, Stargazer.�� I whispered… as though keeping my voice low would hide how it shook. “I won’t let it happen  again.” I meant it for both… the panic attack and losing faith in her… even if it had been involuntary at the time. But that was just one more reason not to let that weakness beat me again.

But like it was toying with me that pitch-black fear crept in the second she stepped  back. Like a shadow haunting me and waiting until I thought I had fortified myself against it; to strike and show me just how broken and undeserving I truly was.

But her slight form was back again and holding onto me sending the shadows running again. Then the shadows in the  room around us ran too. #AbgailGriffin stood in the doorway, and I didn’t know if I should curse her or kiss her… A few more moments of being locked in and embrace with Raven Reyes and I just might have done something exceedingly stupid.

I cleared my throat as best I could  and smiled. “A truce?” I looked at Raven convincingly confused. “Do you know what she’s talking about, Reyes?” I looked back to #Abby. “Was there a war? Am I so late with your rations you’re delirious with hunger?” I grabbed the bag and handed the doctor the little silver packet and one for #Jackson too.

•— Raven —•

With the back of my hand, I wiped my cheeks, the stream of tears may have been dried away. However, the puffy eyes, red nose and cheeks still gave me away. I really wished I wasn’t one of those people who showed their emotions for all to see, but at the same time. I know it was something that was a sign of strength. The not caring how others perceived me never mattered.

“Nope, no idea what you are talking about. There was no war, no white flags, no need to kick him.”

#Abby gave us both a telling look as her hand  reached out to take the rations which were owed to her.

‘Uhmm… you young ones think I don’t have eyes, just because the world is going to hell around us.’ She moved around us to go and sit behind the desk.

‘But as long as you are speaking. There’s nothing more I can hope for.’ I lifted my jacket off of her desk and then glanced out of the side of my eye at John.

‘Well? Are you both planning on taking the night shift here in the med bay?’ She waved her hand for us to leave.

“Before we go. Is there any news from the…. Clans? Luna and Octavia?  The Cryo? Are we ready to move?” She frowned leaning back in the chair, her gaze moving from John to me and then back again.

•— John —•

I brushed my finger along the back of the hand Raven hadn’t lifted the wiped away her tears. Letting her know I was still here… even though she probably didn’t want or need the gesture. But that didn’t take away from the fact that I meant it.

I chuckled at Abby and gave her a  subtle nod, hoping she’d realise everything was okay. Or on the way to okay, at least. I bit the inside of my lip when #Abby joked about taking a night shift… it stung, and I fought the urge to tell her I was more than willing. But I knew that was the bitter side of me rearing its ugly head again. I flicked my eyes to the side, to Raven’s side profile next to me… I twisted my wrist letting the back of my hand brush against hers. Bolstering myself to not let her down already… I took a breath and pressed my lips shut; letting the urge pass  by.

I turned to leave… moving slowly… waiting to see if Rey would follow. But her question stopped me in my tracks and I looked back at the doctor in earnest.

‘There will no… solo go…’ #Abby’s brows knit together.

“Sologonplei.” I offered her. “Single combat… it’s a grounder tradition. A fight to the death.” I couldn’t help the edge in my voice. I still couldn’t quell the feeling that no matter what way the fight went… #Luna’s life would be lost. Even if I was wrong and they let her live after she killed the red-blooded #Heda… She  would be forced into a lifelong role she never wanted.

‘Yes… They’ve agreed there will be no fight if Luna will nearly and pledge loyalty to Octavia.’ #Abby already had her hand raised to calm me before I said anything. I clenched my fists and winced in pain from the cuts on my palms from earlier. ‘Octavia hasn’t accepted the terms… yet. But she might not have a choice. Nobody needs to overreact until we hear #Luna’s opinion on the subject.’

I scoffed and pinched the bridge of my nose, taking deep breaths and trying to remind myself this  wasn’t all Abby’s fault before I said anything I might regret.

•— Raven —•

Twice, I felt John, gentle touch to the back of my hand twice. Things had been different between us for so long what it stilled me until I remembered how his touch used to calm the darkness in me on the Island. I pushed the thought back to unpack latter, right now my attention and eyes remained on the doctor.

“Luna will take no pledge of loyalty. None of are going to be made to take such a pledge of loyalty, so nor will Luna.” Holding my hand up to stop Abby before she could speak. “Luna went without thinking, without caring about the outcome to her own life with O called for help, that action in itself was witnesses by all those who were with Octavia at the time. They saw how Luna fought to save their lives and that in my eyes and in the eye of all who are here should be enough. Add to it the fact that she never wanted the so-called crown in the first place. That is all. We cannot make this work on the back of one woman… All those so-called grownups in the room, need to start learning the meaning of kindness and honour.”

#Abby’s eyes went to the door behind me, and I felt them before I saw them, turning around slowly I saw #Octavia, #Indra, and #Bellamy standing, but I didn’t care if they heard me, I hoped they did.

“Did you hear all of that, or do you need me to repeat it?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.

‘I heard it all Rey, and I agree with you. However, you know the ways of the grounders.” She looked at #Indra.

“We are not on the ground, and this is not a place where we should be continuing with the ruled, they set on earth. I could have left them all to die.” Even saying it killed a fragment within me. “But we all risked our life to make the journeys to save those who wanted to come. If they wanted to come, they need to learn to find a middle ground.”

‘Dula op nou chich op Oso Heda… raun dise!’ (Do not speak to our Heda, in this way!) #Indra took a step forward, and I stood my ground.

‘Indra, NOU, hod op  em!’ (Indra, No, Stop it!) #Octavia placed a hand on her arm. ‘Rey is correct. Things need to be fair for all. It can’t be the rules of one people if we do not listen to all the voices.’

•— John —•

I was only a little shocked at Raven when she defended #Luna’s right to remain independent of the way the grounders ruled. I wouldn’t have doubted it before this… but up here… tension like this could destroy the entire ship. Our life raft.

She defended her with a passion that made me want to take her hand and squeeze it. But I resisted that impulse. She said it way better than I would have. If I hadn’t bitten my tongue I might have just offered colourful suggestions of where the council could shove their pledge. Raven’s was better.

Then she  turned on the Rouzblida Heda (Red-blooded Commander). Raven was back… my Raven was back… I only let that thought invade my mind for a moment. She was many things, but she would never be mine.

#Indra took a step towards Raven and I took a step forward in return. “Look… I’m sure #Luna will keep to her agreement of peace as she had with #Lexa. She won’t interfere with #Octavia’s rule and in return, Octavia can leave her be. She will take on duties like anyone else is expected to and pull her weight. But It's going to be #Luna’s choice… And the fight to the death needs to be entirely off the cards.”

‘Those terms won’t be acceptable to the grounders, Murphy and you know it. Flokru is gone… Luna is just one person now. But there will be no more conclaves. The time of the Flame has passed.’ Octavia’s hands were  turned out to us like she was trying to show us she was unarmed.

‘We can go round and round about this in circles… but you can’t discuss #Luna’s position when Luna isn’t here.’ #Abbly sounded frustrated. ‘There’s a meeting scheduled for after morning rations tomorrow.

John… Can you extend the invitation to #Luna?’

“Invitation?” I turned to #Abby, almost ready to laugh. We all knew it wasn’t an invitation. Glares were levied and sighs filled the room. “Fine… We’ll be there.”

‘John… you won’t be in the room. This discussion will be  about whether or not Flokru will join with Wonkru.’ Octavia almost sounded apologetic.

I laughed now and looked at Raven. “Okay then.” I squared my shoulders and placed myself in front of #OctaviaBlake. “Ai, Jon Mofi… badan kiln gon Flokru. Ai na teik badan raun gon lanik-de. Ai badan raun gon gaf in chilnes.” (I, John Murphy, swear loyalty to Flokru. I swear loyalty to the Sea. I swear to seek peace.) I didn’t shout, I wasn’t threatening in anyway. My voice was steady and even my heartbeat remained calm. I knew I could never live like Luna did, I knew that… But I would die for her right live her way.

Octavia took a step back and lifted a hand to stop an infuriated #Indra from advancing on me. ‘John…’ Octavia shook her head. ‘What the hell did you do?’ Her voice was dangerously quiet.

“As one of only  two surviving members of Flokru, I have a right to a seat at that table.” I dipped my chin in deference. “Heda.”

•— Raven —•

What had he done? John had gone and taken an oath to a clan that no longer existed but for their leader. And I wasn’t sure I knew how #Luna would feel about it when (yes when, not if) she heard about it.

This was one of those things I always told John about. The boy never learnt to think before acting. And he justified it by saying he wanted a seat around the table.

As the thought assembled my lips curled up into a smile. “This is brilliant!” The words slipped from my mouth and I didn’t stops them.

Without thinking I reached  out and took Johns hand squeezing it tightly.

“He is right, Luna no longer stands alone. Not that she was alone…. But in the rules which the grounders will understand. She now gets a seat at the table too.”

I knew she would hate it. #Luna despised the ways of these people, and to bet told she needed to sit with them and listen to their voices, would be tough. But it was better this way.

#Abby muttered something underneath her breath, pinching the bridge of her nose.

‘This boy is going to be the death of me.’ This time I made it out. ‘Tomorrow Murphy.’ #Octavia gritted her teeth. ‘We will address this all tomorrow.’ Turning on her heels, both #Indra and #Octavia left the med bay.

‘Well?’ #Abby had her arms crossed over her chest now. ‘Which one of you is going to tell #Luna?’

My free hand pointed  to John. “He is, it’s his bright idea.” Before she could tell us to get out. I tugged John out of the office.

“John… Murphy… What in the names of all the hells were you thinking? Damn you! I could kiss you! That was the best idea and I never thought of it myself!!” The moment we were in the corridor I hugged him so tight. “Why didn’t I think of it! But you’re still an idiot… and you’re really telling the zen master.”

•— John —•

I knew I had fucked up when Raven said 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘵! She was being sarcastic… right? I turned to look at her to try and decipher her expression.

Everything else happened so fast. Had I just put a target on my own back now too? Had I made things harder for  #Luna? Luna and #Raven were always telling me we were stronger together. Then again… when had 𝕀 ever made anyone stronger?

I was being dragged out into the hallway and my chest was getting tight again. No… no, no, no. This was not going to happen to me again. But then she was speaking… and was I having a hallucination on top of everything else? Did she just say…?

“Huh?” The sound was all that came out. Then she called me an idiot and I laughed. This wasn’t a short laugh, it just kept going. And going… and going, until I had to put my hand on the wall to keep myself from doubling over. The cuts on my palm stung at the contact, not painful really… but it caught my attention enough to get a hold of myself. I looked back at Raven. “#Octavia’s gonna kill me.” I said a little breathlessly. She’d said I had to tell  #Luna what I had done. “#Luna’s gonna kill me!” I dragged my hand through my hair. “You’re going to come with me when I tell her, right?” My pale blue gaze pleaded with her.

•— Raven —•

The smile on my lips grew tenfold as I stepped back to take him in. John Murphy didn’t laugh so openly often, but when he did... his face glowed, his eyes glinted, and the sound he made, it would warm any heart.

I couldn’t imagine never hearing this sound ever again in my life and here I had been a hour ago readying myself to say good bye to him for good. If that was what he wanted, I would have given it to him.

Tilting my head to the side, my brows pulled together as he gathered himself.

“Oh, trust me, once this news gets out. There will be a  line of people who will want to kill you.”

Taking the hand he had places on the cold wall, I turned it palm side up. Shocked at the injury I found. “What did you do to your hand? Why didn’t you tell me it was hurt when I squeezed it?”

Shaking my head “shit… does it hurt? Do we need to go bad into the med bay?” The barrage of questions under themselves one after the other.

“Of course, I will go with you to talk to Luna…” but as I said it I paused. “Well… I’m not sure if she would want me there… but I can wait outside for you…” Then I shook my head my eyes still on his hand. “But first we need to fix you up.”

•— John —•

I knew she was right, Clarke would be furious that I just put a thirteenth clan back on the table… I didn’t let myself stop and think about whether or not that made Skaikru or Flokru the thirteenth clan now. Of if there was a hierarchy between the first twelve; other than  which one had a ruling Heda.

My heart stopped when she took my hand. As in it actually stopped beating for a few seconds... or at least it felt like it did. “I’m okay, Raven… it's just a scratch.” I resisted the urge to close my fist… We were past hiding from each other.

At least, I really hoped that we were.. and I guess that started with the cuts on my palms. I shoved the other into my pocket and dropped the bullet she’d pressed back into my hand in the med bay, into it. Then I held up the other hand and uncurled my fingers showing the matching bandages on that one too.

“#Jackson already looked at them. When I… when it happened I guess into dug my fingers into my palms. It’s really not that bad. Just stings a little sometimes. But I swear that I didn’t mean to… I wasn’t trying to hurt myself.” I locked my gaze on hers. The fact she’d given that bullet back to me meant she was thinking about the time we spent in the bunker and maybe remembering how close I’d come to ending it. But I didn’t want her to think I was in that kind of dark place. Because I couldn’t protect her if  I was dead, or #Luna or #Emori. Those three women were all I cared about now.

“To be honest I had totally forgotten about it until just now… But look.” I fished out the bundle that #DocLite had given me, a fresh bandage and wipes to clean it. “#Jax said to keep it clean and  change the dressing in the morning. It’s all…” It was just then I realised I was reassuring her. That meant she was worried about me. If she was worried… she cared. My heart that was stopped moments ago pounded now.

“You don’t need to worry about me, Raven… Or…” I corrected myself. “At least, you don’t need to worry about these cuts, anyway… I’m not sure about everything else.”

I didn’t know what to say to her about #Luna not wanting to see her. That would never be true, she was family to Luna. She would always, always want to see her.

•— Raven —•

Why did it feel like I had just over stepped? That he didn’t want me to help or even know about the injuries he’d suffered?

Maybe the bridge we had broken still had some mending to do, because before John would have gone out of his way to milk anything to the furthest point for a little kind hearted sympathy.

I let his hand go, I didn’t know what had fully occurred. However, the picture #Jasper and #Emori has painted for me had been graphic enough to make my heartbreak with  angry at myself and my part in it all. “Okay. If Jax has looked you over and is fine with you looking after it yourself.” I took a step back.

The trauma he had  lived through, everything that’s arsehole #Jaha has done to him….. I pushed those thoughts out of the way for now.

“Give it time, maybe if this place…” My eyes wondered over the corridor. “…begins to feel like home. The everything else… it will… well… you know.”

Nodding my chin towards his hands again. “Just please take care of those. We can’t afford for an infection to settle in. It would be a shame if I have to cut your hands off.”

Okay, the last part was meant to be funny. However, there was an element of sarcasm and fact there too.

•— John —•

I wiggled my fingers when she let go of my hand… it felt a few degrees warmer than the rest of me. “I’m sure #Jackson will be keeping an eye on it… he’s making me see him three times a  week or…” Should I tell her? Would letting her know I was diagnosable crazy, be a deal breaker for her?

Even after #FinnCollins lost it and shot up a whole village, she still never gave up on him… But she had known him all her life. Loved him all her life, as friends… as more than friends… and I was pretty sure #Finn had never shot her either… I definitely couldn’t tell her my choices were this talk therapy stuff or forcible medication. She would find him and ring his neck for going back to the Ark Survival Method. “He… um… said a lot of things… to me, that I’m not totally sure I understand.”

I looked around as we walked to  the room I shared with #Emori and #Luna. “Home… maybe… I mean… you and #Luna says home is where your people are right?” I smiled. I was trying to see the upside to all of this, I was really trying. “My people are here… But…” That was the problem though… people that weren’t my people were everywhere too.

“You know what the hardest part is? Remember on the Ark…. You couldn’t turn a corner without passing a dozen people. Everywhere, all the time… too many people…” I shook my head. “I know we were only on the ground for a few  months but there was so much space… There were times when I walked and walked for days and never once encountered another person. It was shocking how fast I got used to that. There’s just…” I stepped aside as a group of people bustled passed us. “So many people. And I’m  not… I know for a long time I was a thorn in everyone's side… but I thought for a while there on the island that I was… useful. Up here… I don’t have a purpose anymore. It leaves too much time to think.”

•— Raven —•

He was doing it again, holding back when before he wouldn’t have when we spoke. Or at least it was how I recalled our conversations.

I took another few steps, then he kept going. Coming to a stop before I continued walking by his side. This was still for a moment I didn’t  want to say anything, just to listen, and allow him to say whatever was on his mind.

“If you don’t understand, ask him to explain it better. And ask again and again until you are sure you have a grasp of what is happening or being said.”

I kept up with his set pace down  the corridor, moving to the side as others passed us by, none of the men giving me eye contact. The women and the children smiling or nodding their heads.

“Who knew you actually heard and retained the impression from our words.” A little teasing in my voice. A small girl came running into me while playing with her brother. I lent down and caught her setting her on her feet.

“Kefa.” (Careful) I smiled rubbing her arms, she ran off playing again.

“I hear you, and I understand what you mean.” I did understand, “however at the same time I’d found ways to carve out time and places for myself on the Ark.”

My brows furrowed as I heard what he meant, and how this change would impact him. Had anyone listened and took his worries onboard? Most likely not.

“I’m sorry if you do not feel that you have the safety we had on the island. It was the only time we felt like someone wouldn’t kill us in our sleep.” I got that. “But I couldn’t leave people to die.” Stopping my arm reached out as more people rushed past us.

I turned to look at him. “If you want…” was I really going to offer  this to him, know how he disliked what I did.

“I could always do with a helping hand down in pits of the ship, it’s a big beast… and I know it’s not what you like doing…”

Shrugging my shoulders, I turned to walk again. “The offer is there, if not to work you can go there to hide and have some alone time whenever you like?”

•— John —•

I nodded, she was right… but something inside of me wanted to resist that, it felt like participating in the therapeutic process. I knew it was ridiculous, but everything in me screamed at me to resist it. “I will… I mean, if I have to sit with him three times a week I should  probably know why, right?” I laughed… I knew why. I was insane… but I suppose knowing to what degree was probably a good place to start.

A real smile slipped through when the child bumped Raven, even as one hand reached out ready to steady her if it had knocked her off  balance. “I was always by myself.” I admitted. “Even in a room full of the rest of the rejects… or with three bunkmates in the skybox. I was still alone, even surrounded by people.”

I watched the siblings playing. I remembered the boy, he had been in the med bay, but luckily, he was one of the first discharged. Seeing children was still a wonder to me. I had seen kids, of course, just not many… and I wasn’t sure I had ever seen a baby before and now; it was possible there could be a newborn on the ship in a matter of weeks. Depending on what  happened with the cryo plan.

“There are some upsides to more people though… sometimes.” I smiled… The kids disappeared around the corner.

Raven's words sank in; my eyes widened a little and I looked at her, trying not to look stunned. “Oh… Rey… No… You did the right thing. That's what we were doing on the island right? Trying to save as many people as possible… you did that. One person feeling better isn’t worth even a single life, never mind hundreds.”

Something stirred in my chest when she made her offer. “You want to work with me  again?” I teased her, feeling genuinely lighter and a little exhausted from the constant swinging of my mood. I felt like for the first time I was struggling to keep pace with her. “I’ll give you an extra set of hands anytime you want, Raven… But Alone… No thanks… Is it  too much to ask to not be alone all the time and not be surrounded by strangers all at once?” I knew it was… it even sounded ridiculous.

•— Raven —•

The smile on my lips brought on by the little girl faded away as John’s words began to reverberate in my mind.

“Wait..” frowning a little. “Three times a week?” He was seeing #Jax three times a week? Something prickled a memory or a thought. Stopping I placed a hand on his arm, having him face me. Looking back over my shoulder to wait for the space around us to become clear so that no one else over heard. Not because there was any shame in the question I was about to ask. But because it was private to him.

“Has Jax put you into therapy?”

As I asked the question it all began to fall into place. He was talking to #Jax, writing in a book, talking about the heartbreaking experience of being alone when you were surrounded by others. Telling me there were too many people onboard one moment, and the next saying he didn’t want to be alone. I’d seen these signs before.

Add to it the aftermath I witnessed with my own eyes in the cell. And the beach… the bunker on the island… the way I had seen him gazing  out into the sea… And then there had been the pain in those eyes of his, when he begged me to bring him up here with me…

Hells! What was wrong with me? Why had I missed all these signs?

“Please tell me… has he put you on meds?” The hand on his arm curled a little tighter. The old way of doing things hadn’t worked. It had just made people addicts, without the knowledge of what they were doing in the long run.

And what would happen to John when the drugs ran out. Because we all knew it was all going to run out at some point.

I didn’t want that for John. Not now, not ever. Hells I would find #Jax and punch his light out! What the hells… what was he thinking?

•— John —•

I nodded, looking around as the hallway began to clear… it was getting late, and most people wanted to be in their rooms or dorms with their families or clans; after whatever work detail they were assigned to was finished. “Yeah.” I admitted; it was easier than I expected… but I wasn’t sure that would apply to everyone… But this was Raven, and I wanted to tell her everything. I yanked the folded notebook out of the pocket of my jumpsuit. “Homework… talk sessions or whatever you want to call them…” The way her eyes darkened at the mention of  the medication… Like she was as terrified of the idea as I was. “He wanted to… but if I’m a good boy and do as I’m told… He said he won’t recommend it.”

I tilted my head; her posture had gone rigid. I recognised this; it was how she contained herself before she raged… not that her rages were particularly explosive. They were controlled, measured and scary as all hell when you were on the receiving end… and the worst part about it… she was always fucking right.

“Rey… it's fine… I’ll do the stupid diary. I’m doing the therapy…” I reached out and put my hand on her arm, keeping my voice down, just in case anyone else came along. “Whatever the hell is broken in my head. I’ll either fix it or figure out how to convince them I fixed it. Maybe this will even be a good thing… I actually…” I shuffled from  foot to foot. “Think it could be good… maybe… Not a lot of people ever wanted to take any kind of time to help me… I think #Jackson believes this will… maybe after a while, I’ll even get a full night's sleep and #Emori won’t be falling asleep during her breakfast.” I gave  a self-deprecating laugh. “I swear… I will not fall into that vicious cycle.” As I made the promise, I hoped with every shred of the sentiment I had left that it was one I could keep. I would do everything I could to make it happen.

She’d watched as she lost #Finn to whatever madness had taken his mind, and I know her love for him hadn’t been the same as it had on the Ark when he died. But I would never forget how she screamed that night, how even then… not knowing how I would eventually feel for this woman, it made me wish I had taken  his place like she wanted, I knew she still loved him. They had been like family. I wouldn’t make her watch that again… especially not after everything we had, just moments ago, put behind us.

“I won’t do anything that will take me away from you…” I waited too long before I added. “Or #Luna or #Emori. We’re family, right?”

•— Raven —•

Reaching up i place my hand on the one he held up with his notebook in it. “You keep that book close to you. This is private and no one has the right to see it.”

I didn’t want anyone using his inner thoughts as a weapon against him. We all had dark moments and feeling, which out of context could be interpreted in the wrong way.

“Therapy is what people call it. And it can help, it can really help if you don’t play around and really give it a shout.” My eyes darted toward the corridor which would lead down towards the Med Bay. Could I find #Jax in there?

“I don’t give a crap if you’re good or bad. Meds aren’t something anyone can push on you without your permission and consent.” Had no one on this ship learnt their lessons? My eyes were back on him. “No John, it’s not fine… not if you aren’t sure what to expect… I mean no one knows what will could out when they start this journey, however some understanding would help to gain your trust in the process.”

His hand came to rest on my arm, until which time I hadn’t noticed just how rigid I’d become.

“Crap…”

There were so many directions I could feel myself being pulled. #Luna, the ship, the clans… our future and survival, and John…

Placing a hand over his I squeezed. “Who on this ship isn’t broken, John? You at least have agreed to take the first step towards healing, I’m proud of you.”

My eyes prickled a little searching his, when I thought he had just said I was family. That the two other girls in his life and I were family? This was the first time he’s said that up here. That we all belonged.

“It doesn’t matter to us if you mess up. It doesn’t matter how you deal with it all. Just be careful, and honest with yourself. The rest w— huh… I will deal with.”

I had lost the right to say “we”, #Emori wasn’t a fan right now, and #Luna? I’d pushed her away.

•— John —•

I nodded. “I plan on it.” I said, tucking the book back into my pocket. “Jackson said it was up to me if I wanted it to be something I shared with him or something private… I guess we’ll see what happens when I start it.” I already knew I probably wasn’t going to share it…  mostly because I wasn’t expecting anything particularly poignant or worthwhile to spill from my head onto the pages.

#Jackson told me that if I cooperated and didn’t become a danger to myself or others he wouldn’t force the issue of medication, but if I told her that would  she think I was dangerous? Would it change everything we’d just resolved? I didn’t think so… but there was still a bite of fear that it could risk us.

“I won’t let that happen. I’ll do everything he asks. But… I know you say that we're all broken… So… why isn’t…” I stopped… how could I say this without sounding like a child? “Why am I the only one that can’t hide it like the rest?” I was far from the only one… but right now I felt like I had a huge target on my back and all my weak points had been exposed the everyone that witnessed what happened in that cell… and everyone that #MilesShaw would eventually blab it to.

But then she…. Did she really just say that? I made a sound of disbelief. The last time I heard those words was when #Abby said them to me after I handed her the meds for #Adria. And I don’t think I ever heard them before that. I had no idea what I was supposed to say to that. I was stunned into silence. Her eyes told me she meant it… the gold flashed through the darkness, and I hated that the darkness was my doing again.

“We…” I cleared my throat. “We should get to #Luna and #Emori before they hear my declaration from someone else.” Her hand was still on mine and I couldn’t bare to be the one to break the contact, so I didn’t.

•— Raven —•

My heart broke a little more in this moment I shared with John, I could see the anguish in those eyes. The sadness of what happened in the past and the uncertainty of what was yet to come.

We all felt it, sure we did. How could you not. But John…  “We will go find them.” I said finally. “However, we are going to make a stop. Come on Watcher.” Tugging his hand and him with it.

I started up the corridor and then took a startling turn into a door I knew would open up into a small cabin. It was unoccupied but it had a  small round funny shaped window to it.

“You just asked why you right. How others can deal with it all.” I took him up to the window before letting his hand go to point out.

“Do you see all those stars Watcher? From here you see them like a sea of light, but if you look closer, and really pay attention. You’ll see how some are brighter, some are smaller, some seem rounded, and others look like shards…”

The words dried up, giving the two of us time to really take the sight before us in. It was beautiful, the silence, giving your mind a chance to slow and to stop thinking.

“What I’m trying to say…” once I remembered why I brought him here. “We all deal with things in different ways, John. Some of us will have certain reactions to one thing, while others will not be moved at all. No two people are the same. So, don’t judge yourself based on what others do. Set your expectations based on your own personal experiences.”

•— John —•

Yet again I had my hand in hers and I was following her lead. It still startled me; how easy it was to step into an enclosed space with her and not instantly check my person for the most readily available weapon… even though all of mine were gone now. Save the knife I still  kept in my boot… but with her… I never felt the need to reach for it… or even shift my foot to assure myself it was still there.

My eyes turned up to the odd little window and I smiled. Not a single hint of the smouldering planet below us. I felt the absence of her hand  like her letting it go was akin to having mine dunked in ice water, and as she pointed out to the blue and white points of light, I found myself looking only at her.

When she stopped talking, I turned my gaze to the sea of light she had been watching, I let the silence spread  between us. Waiting until she was ready to continue.

I swallowed hard when she did, everything that she said made sense. But it only served to comfort the thoughts that 𝕤𝕙𝕖 didn’t see this thing that went wrong in my head as a weakness. She wouldn’t judge me for it… but she was wrong about everything else. It was a weakness, a vulnerability. Tears stung my eyes and I fought to keep them from falling.

With my gaze still fixed on the universe outside, I said. “But how will I judge myself if it happens again and I get someone killed? If we’re  in danger and I lose control like that, and you get hurt because of me… again.” My voice was tight as I tried to control the shake in it.

Fuck! So much for my resolve that I would never let it happen again.

“I never want to be any part of the reason that you or the others get hurt. Not even indirectly… this thing… is a liability.” I felt a tremble run through my jaw. “I’m a liability.” I took her hand and focused my eyes on it. “And I’m far too selfish to walk away from you even though it might be the only way to keep you safe. Something in my broken, shit show of a mind still thinks that we are stronger together… and everything else is telling me I’ll get us all killed if I don’t let go.”

Despite the fight I put up; a tear broke free. I swiped it away with my free hand and looked up to meet her eyes… Real stars reflected in them now. I squeezed her hand. “But I don’t want to let go. I never wanted that.” My voice was embarrassingly pinched now, I  couldn’t bring myself to care; it seemed like such a small concern in the scheme of things.

•— Raven —•

If our world wasn’t burning beneath us, I’d scream out that seeing John this lost and in excruciating discomfort shattered my world.

I didn’t pull away from his hold, if my friend needs my hand, I would give it to him, if he needed me to listen, I would hear him out, if he needed to scream or shout… I would let him. But John didn’t do anything but open his heart out to me. Before me, stood the boy I’d seen when we were on the island. Someone I thought I had lost forever.

“John…” My own voice broke while tears welled in my eyes,  witnessing this boy break in such a manner overwhelmed my heart.  Cupping his face with my free hand I bought him closer. Resting my forehead to his I watched him, not closing my eyes for a second.

“That’s when you need to believe in this dysfunctional family  of ours, to believe in Emori, and Luna.. in Jasper, Monty and Harper.., in Abby and Jax..” Reeling out the names I knew he had built a bond with over time. “They will catch you, watch you, protect you.” Biting on my lips as the first of my tears fell freely.

“I don’t want  you to let go, didn’t we say we were going to be there for one another? We are going to fight, and scream, and shout, but in the end, we will always be there when we need one another?”

My voice was a whisper, and I squeezed the hand he held onto. “You, John Murphy, are not a  liability. You had faith in me when I’d been one. And you showed me how when someone had trust in you, you can fight anything. So, now I need you to understand. I have your back. I will not leave you, so fight this thing…. However, not by yourself… We are with you… I am with you… Even if it means I need to sit up all night long  just so you can sleep.”

Wiping his cheek with my thumb I closed my eyes just breathing with him. Letting him know that I.. Raven Reyes, I wouldn’t fail him or our friendship again.

•— John —•

I had brought tears to her eyes again and I instantly felt the guilt that came with it. Did I really have any right to unload all of this onto her? I was losing my mind… but it didn’t compare to what had happened to her. The code had been stealing hers from her along with her  life.

It broke me that she excluded herself from the list of people she viewed as part of my family, and she did it with her hand on my face, my breath hitched a little and I had to fight to hear her over the raging urge to lean into that touch. “I’m not letting go.” I whispered. I knew I should, I knew it would be better for all of them, but I was going to do all of those things she was talking about to hold onto them. And hope I didn’t get them killed. I would catch them, watch them, protect them.

Her words sank in and again the tension in my chest and jaw started to ease, there was something about her that soothed all my rough edges. It wasn’t the feelings I had for her that resurfaced every time I tried to bury them. It came from Raven, this intrinsic ability to make me feel like maybe… just maybe  I could be whole again, with her help.

She brought me right back to that night when I almost disembowelled her… and her reaction was to sit with me while I finally got some sleep. I pulled her in for a hug… That was okay, right? She’d hugged me earlier… Hell!! I  wish I could make a decision without instantly questioning it. I wanted to tell her that I knew she had my back; because I did. But I could never seem to block out that voice that told me she was here out of pity or obligation, even though I knew it was bullshit. I had given  her every reason and every chance to cut me out of her life and she was still here.

“You were only ever a liability to yourself, Stargazer.” I whispered, my arms wrapping around her narrow frame easily. “Thank you… because I don’t think I can do this without you as part of that dysfunctional family that you are talking about… And if you’re going to sit up all night then you have to let me do the same.”

•— Raven —•

I filled him with more questions than answers, or at least this is how it felt to me. I couldn’t believe my tears had flowed so freely, not when I had meant to be his support while no one else could be. With my emotions taking control of me, I was sure John would feel the need to take care of me when it hadn’t been my attention at all.

“That’s not true and you know it, Watcher. You saw it all. Everything. Even when people wanted things to remain hidden. It’s why I gave you the name… remember…”

My arms slipped around his neck without any hesitation, this boy had been there to keep my upright in times when my darkness had threatened to consume me whole. So, right when my friend needed me. I would not pull away from him. Or, had he taken me into his arms because he felt I was the one who needed him to be strong and hold me together? Hells… This friendship think had come so easily to me with him before. Now I found myself questioning all my actions and discussion with him.

“I think that defeats the goals.” Resting my cheek on his shoulder, my eyes looked to the wall. “I need you to not hold back in any way, and sleep is the first step which is in your power. At least until with help you learn how to keep the shadows from taking over.” Uncertain if my words were of any benefit, I knew that I would want things to go unsaid in the fear.

I closed my eyes remaining still, letting him take the time he needed. Somewhere in one of #Becca’s fictional books I’d read a character say:

‘Never let go of a person when they hug you, if they came in for the connection, allow them to be the one to say when they were done.’  

•— John —•

“The things you couldn’t control weren’t your fault.” I whispered. “That would be like blaming a patient for being sick… you can’t deny that because… as you said, you gave me that nickname for a reason.” I knew she was thinking of the times she’d hurt me. “I would do it all again, I would not change a single thing that happened… even when I screwed up royally… because it was all a step on the road to you getting better.” If I could go back and change something, I wouldn’t… not even if it fixed the mistakes I regretted to the core of my being, because any change could alter the path and Raven could be gone.

She had put her arms around me so easily and it wasn’t like before… On the island we hadn’t hugged a lot… but she had always seemed to move towards me, not away like everyone else. And that was back. I remembered holding her after her violent awakening from her comas, trying to stop her from hurting herself. During her dark times trying to beat back the shadows and keep her from hurting anyone else, knowing how hard she’d punished herself. Holding her when she was  fitting… terrified she’d die in my arms, but even more afraid to let go so she wouldn’t die alone if it came to that. Those small touches that let her sleep at night just a little more peacefully.

Then there were the times when she did hug me.. when she’d squeeze my arm or my hand just before I did something stupid. Sometimes standing next to me, holding on in support of whatever stupid thing I was doing. Pulling me out of a room before my temper or my anxiety got the better of me. And so much more… More than I could let myself get lost in the  memories of right now.

But these hugs… these were different. Like we were propping each other up; like neither of us had the strength to stay upright but together… we could lean in and brace ourselves.

I laughed a little, my hand rubbing down her back, stopping midway. “No… a few hours each is better than where we are right now, isn’t it? Unless we sleep together… see how that works—” I stopped and pulled back enough to see her face… I had just kept talking because I hadn’t meant it how it sounded and it took a second to sink in. Shit!!

“Okay… that sounded way different in my head.” I gave a short laugh, hoping she’d brush it off as a slip of the tongue. I had watched #Luna and #Emori share the bed in our room, they always seemed contented. Comforted, by the presence near them. That was the picture on my  mind when those poorly chosen words slipped out.

“I promise… I’ll do this… I’ll… do whatever it takes to be better. To make sure they don’t try to medicate me.” I moved my hand up her back and to her forearms… “Okay, we need to get a hold of ourselves before we face  #Luna…” I took in the streaks on her face where tears had fallen… I was sure mine were the same. I wiped them away with a light brush of my fingers across her cheek “Or before we dehydrate ourselves with all these tears.”

•— Raven —•

His face when I finally saw it said a million and one things, all which I couldn’t fully understand or appreciate. However, the words he did say made my back stiffen and then I burst out in such high laughter.

It came from nowhere, unexpected, however much needed. My cheeks hurt a little by the time I could pull myself back together, stepping out of his personal space once he pulled himself at arm’s length to look at me.

“Oh. So let me get this straight. You’re willing to try anything to get better, just not sleeping with me? If I were any other girl, John Murphy. I’d take offence to that.” Punching him on the arm laughing again, before I wiped his face the way he did mine. “It’s a good thing I know you. And I know you’d never want to sleep with me like that.”

Shaking all the sudden, what had that been? A pang of emotion I pushed away. Shaking it off. I tugged on my ponytail, tightening it before nodding my head from side to side.

“As long as you fight for yourself, then the rest of us won’t be fighting against you.” Nodding towards the way we came. “Come on, I believe you’re ready, let’s face the music and see if the Zen Master is about to lose her crap on you.”

Stepping backwards still keeping him in my eye-line. “With all honesty, so you know where I will be if she wants to kick your arse. The sidelines. Watching, and learning, from her badarse moves.”

Trying to joke and lighten this mood before he felt it was too much for him to handle.

•— John —•

I laughed… probably far too hard… the entire time along this fucking crazy road to learning my feelings for her; I never once thought about anything getting to that stage. I had barely moved past wondering what it would be like if we could ever even be friends again. Those  kinds of fantasies… well that was it, wasn’t it? It would be a fantasy. She was never going to see me as anything other than a member of her dysfunctional family. Just being in her life was all I could ever ask for.

I could tell my slip had made her extremely  uncomfortable… I bit my tongue and shook it all off. She was here… she had let me back into her life. I knew how to be that guy… the one that made her laugh and distracted her from the discomfort she lived with every day.

“Well… hey now… Let’s not get too hasty  here…” I smirked, falling back into that friend mode that was still one hundred percent genuine, something I would never give up with her… not even in my wildest fantasy. “Five years is a long time, Stargazer.” I exaggerated the O. “You sure you can resist me for that long?”

I shook my hand at her and took her hand. “I have no idea what to expect… but good luck with the sidelines plan. I’m not above using you as a human shield… and I have two good legs… so the odds are in my favour.”

Before she could retort I tugged her from the room  at a reasonable pace for her, glancing back to make sure she was keeping up easily.

•— Raven —•

“Arsehole move, Watcher… Arse…. Hole…. Move!” Laughing, I punched him in his arm again as we started down the corridor. The laughter and teasing I’d missed, but more so it was the friendship. He and #Luna had made a place for themselves in my world, my family, and When I lost them from it. I felt hollow in my soul. However, now. Now I had them both back.

“Jokes aside, have you thought how we are going to tell her?” Pulling on our hands to bring John closer as a group of grounders came down the hall we’d just turned down. This part of the ship had come to life. There were whispered, the sounds of footsteps, young children playing and rushing. It was miles away from the ghost ship we had found.

“Personally, you know she’ll read it the second she sets eyes on your face. The girl had an uncanny way to read you. You really cannot keep anything from her.” It was #Luna’s eyes. She could see through anything, it didn’t matter the kind of wall your attempted to build, they all came crashing down when she stood before you. Half of the time, she wouldn’t even have to say a word. The look was enough.

•— John —•

“If you meant that you would have punched me harder.” I laughed. “I knew you can hit harder than that, Rey.”

I slowed a little and still held onto her hand, I had a valid excuse for wanting to keep her close and I was going to use it for all it was worth. “Um… No…” I  admitted chewing on the inside of my cheek. “Is really cowardly that I’m half hoping she knows already, and she can just scream at me in trig.”

I knew that it was. But honestly, I had no idea what to say. “Maybe I should make the ‘#Flokru pledge to her? I mean I know swearing  to the #Heda kind of trumps everything… Unless the red-blooded thing is going to be an issue. Or…” It dawned on me, and my eyes widened… “Or if #Luna decides to banish me!” Shit!! Shit! That was a typical way that grounders lost their Clan. #Luna’s people were peaceful. I was a murderer… Shit!

“I never even considered that… Shit!” I hadn’t meant to say that thought out loud. I had just opened myself to yet another rejection… Why would she want me of all people, to be the only person in her clan? The wildest of wildcards.

I turned to be a murderer… Shit!

“I never even considered that… Shit!” I hadn’t meant to say that thought out loud. I had just opened myself to yet another rejection… Why would she want me of all people, to be the only person in her clan? The wildest of wildcards.

I turned to  Raven. “I have no idea what to say to her. I know she cares about me… but I doubt she wants someone like me in her kru.”

•— Raven —•

His walk slowed and I knew it wasn’t for my benefit this time. His features construed. And he was muttering to himself and maybe to me. 

All sense of humour disappeared from between us, and this time it had nothing to do with our friendship. He seemed to be consumed by his fear of what #Luna would say any think. However, he went to the extreme. 

“Hey… John… hey…” I tugged on his hands so that he would look at me. To see the genuine smile on my lips. 

“This is Luna, you know… the Zen Master, our shadow, sister…. Will she be upset? Yeah. You and I both know she will. However, she’s not like us. She doesn’t react without learning the full story. She will listen to you. Listen to how this all made to be, and then she will see the love, and the concern this action feed out of.” 

Biting my lips, I wasn’t sure if I should say the next part, but it wasn’t a dig at him. It was the truth. “Please learn from the mistakes you and I both made. Not having trust, not communicating, not asking for help… that’s what broke us… and She was the one telling me at least to look at the bigger picture. To talk to you. But I didn’t. And we know where we ended up.” 

Slowly I tugged him by the hand he still held, we weren’t far from their quarters now. “She is steps away. We will go in, we will tell her everything, and we will take whatever she says or doesn’t say. Okay? We… you aren’t alone… I’m right here with you…” 

•— John —•

Fuck!!! She was comforting me again… why was I such a mess! This was exactly what I meant by being a liability… I was making her feel like she needed to protect me. She had much bigger things to worry about. She tugged me two steps closer to my doom…

Did Raven understand what it means to pledge yourself to a clan? Did she know that now; the grounders would no longer consider me #Skaikru? #Abby and #Kane would be violating any agreement made with the red-blooded Heda by claiming me. If #Luna wanted to put an end to #Flokru… we would both be  clanless.

She tugged me two steps closer to my potential future in no man's land…. Or worse. No… this was #Luna. Raven was right… She wouldn’t leave me at risk like that. I had just made myself her burden for however long I lived. Four steps closer.

Five. Then we were at the door. I let out a long breath and squeezed Raven’s hand, I couldn’t make the words come to ask her not to let go. I wouldn’t blame her if she wanted to. But everything we shared today was enough for me to know that she wouldn’t. I punched in the code and the door swooshed open.

#Emori and #Luna rushed forward and hit me with a million questions about what happened and if I was okay. I stepped inside and pulled Raven with me. It was time to face the Zen Master’s music.

•— THE END—•

[hekkapeach]

Me making a gore roleplay with demons and other kind of monsters:

*gives powers*

Every demon in my roleplay:

[oktorpg]

In Orbit – Solo by John Murphy

〖 𝕀𝕟 𝕆𝕣𝕓𝕚𝕥 〗

☌ #The100 #The100RP #AU

☍ An @OsoKikThruOgeda  Story

☌ #JasperJordan POV

It was two days. Two days in space, kept in bed constantly feeling like I was about to throw up. But whatever meds the Doc was giving me seemed to be working;  because no matter how nauseous I got… nothing else came up. But #Abbie finally told me I could leave. The pretty nurse called #Lizze showed me where Harper and Monty were staying, saying they’d asked for a room big enough for the three of us. She told me that almost everyone else had chosen to take a room for themselves, other than #Luna, John and #Emori. The only thing that shocked me about that was; she never mentioned Raven staying with them. I didn’t think anyone could break up that foursome.

#Harper and #Monty weren’t in our room… they were working on setting up the algae farm… there were too many people on this ship and the supplies on board weren’t going to last. The pressure was on my boy to provide. But in the meantime, I was off to get my protein ration for the day, when I walked into the mess hall I saw #Emori slumped over a table with a silver packet clutched in her good hand… licked clean. The rest of the place was empty.

I set my hand gently on her shoulder. “Hey… Emori.” I said quietly. “Are you okay?” She bolted upright like I had just slapped her. I pulled back and held my hands up showing her it was just me and I wasn’t going to hurt her.

“It’s just me… Are you okay?” I asked, taking the seat next to her. “Why are you sleeping here?”

‘I’m okay… I’m just tired… Sleeping has been… difficult.’ She ran her hand over her face. ‘But look at you!’ She forced a smile. ‘Finally, a free man.’

I didn’t let her change the subject though. “We’ve had two nights with real beds and nothing trying to kill us Emori… Why aren’t you sleeping?”

She shook her head and stood up… ‘Come on… I’ll show you where to get your grub before this place really wakes up.’ She said, crossing the room to the table where the rations were laid out. At the end of that table, John was there laying things out and then tapping something into a tablet in front of him. It was seeing him that made it dawn on me. He looked awful… he was clean… he wore the same guard uniform jumpsuit that I did. He was freshly shaved… his hair was still a little wet so he’d showered. He was doing a really good job at playing it like everything was fine. But he was pale, his eyes were dull and even a little bloodshot, not to mention ringed with dark shadows.

“It’s his nightmares isn’t it?” I  asked her, keeping my voice low. The look she gave was all I needed. “I know... The mansion was big but not that big.”

‘It's not his fault.’ She said defensively. It had been hard to work them both out, but on the island, it became clear that they had become family after whatever happened in the desert. I had briefly wondered if John Fucking Murphy was in love… but this was something else. I mean I was fairly sure he had; but not with Emori… The only problem with John was figuring out if it was love, obsession or a survival tactic. I had ruled out the last one when we stayed at the mansion and waited for Raven to come back.

“I know… that’s not what I meant. But… why don’t you stay in our room for one night? I can’t see your roommates minding. You need a night of sleep…” She looked at me like she  was thinking about it and then… guilt flooded her expression. “Think about it.” Then I gave up on keeping my voice down. “So… how come John got this gig?” I pointed. Clearly, he was given the job of managing the rations.

‘I was unceremoniously volunteered once most people  had their burns and sickness treated and my use in med bay ran out.’ John stared at #Emori.

‘What!?’ She laughed. ‘You were the one feeding everyone on the island. It made sense.’ She shrugged and John slid me a package and tapped what I assumed was my name into his  tablet.

‘Except on the island, there was such a big stash that I didn’t need to tell people that they couldn’t have any more.’ John shook his head. ‘Handing out packets isn’t exactly cooking.’

I noticed a few people behind him moving boxes and counting. I didn’t recognize  them. ‘Grounders.’ John explained. ‘A lot of them don’t speak English so anyone that speaks Trig is being grouped with them.’

“Are you okay with that?” I asked, he didn’t have the best history with grounder… I mean, none of us did really.

‘They are Shallow Valley and  Rockline… I never had any problems with them.’ he added. His tablet beeped and he looked at his friend. ‘Wake up call.’ He told her. Emori looked at me and asked if I wanted to take my breakfast to go and she’d give me a tour.

As she showed me around, she explained to me that she had been helping John, but people… especially Sangedakru (Her people) refused to take their rations from a Freikdreina. I wanted to say that those people should have been let go hungry, but I had a feeling that wouldn’t exactly be helpful.

So, John had given her a  heads up so she could get out of there before people began arriving. She took me to where Monty had started his algae farm, but he wasn’t there. Only #Harper was.

‘#Kane and #DrGriffin are having a meeting with the Grounder leaders to make a survival plan…’ Harper said, uncertainty in her voice. ‘#Bellamy and #Clarke were invited… #Octavia too… and #Monty… since he’s probably the best choice for the Algae farm. All the Farmers were in the bunker with #Jaha. I think Raven was invited too…’

‘Clarke is making decisions again?’ My  brows pinched and my stomach started to churn.

This was going to end badly.

[oktorpg]

It's Your Burden to Bear - Rey's Solo

The sky turned from the dark night into the early morning yellow, which then turned into a grey start of the day. I wasn’t sure what time it was when I slipped out of the lab in need of some alone time, but I do know that my feet had carried me to the docks instead of the mansion I had been aiming for. Some part of me knew that maybe I would never see that mansion, or the rose garden with the baby rabbits again. That it was time to say good bye to a dream that I had created on a crumbling timeline.

I knew when we set off to come to this island that I wasn’t going to live, that I had hours or days to help those I caried about to survive. However, being the stubborn person that I was born as. Not only had I lived longer and cured myself. I had managed to save #Abby too. The family we had grown to become on this island had fractured for me, however they remained intact with one another. In a blink of an eye, I had become an outsider amongst those who I had promised my last dying breaths too.

The sound of a broken branch hit my ears before she spoke, the moment I realised who it was I understood that she made the sound so that I knew she was here with me.

‘Hanch mou gou Yu geimbreika gon hon daun?’ ( How much more time are you planning to take? )

“Time?” I move my eyes from the white stone obelisk, and rested them on the boat again. I had spent the morning hours counting the number of bullet holes in the side. Wondering how and why I thought it was a good idea to leave this place without all the hands we needed for help. “Time for what exactly?” I finally asked her as she came to sit beside me on the sun-bleached fallen log.  

‘Yu get in, gon chit.’ ( You know, for what. ) I still refused to look away from the water and the dead fish littering the  rocky shoreline. #Luna hadn’t told me about this, that things had become so bad so quickly.  

‘Sen ai op…’ ( Listen to me ) She placed a hand on my shoulder, slowly turning me to face her.

‘Ai get in.  Ai ge em.  Yu bash op.  Yu nai bastab y skwad.  Ba that’s Oso life.  Oso gon daun opleis deyon gon huk in em  gon  nes.  Emo gaf Yu.  Ai gaf Yu.  He gaf in Yu. ’

( I know. I get it. You’re hurt. You feel betrayed by a friendship. But that’s our life. We fight every way to make it to the next day. They need you. I need you. He needs you. )

My eyebrows pulled together as it took me a few moments to translate all that and then understand what she had been trying to tell me.

“That doesn’t help. And I am over it.” I was far from over anything, it was all weighting me down to the point that I had questioned my own worth to this group, now that I didn’t have the brain waves to help as fast as I once could have. Everything now took twice as long to complete.

When she saw the confusion in my eyes. #Luna started to speak in my tongue. ‘We both know you just lied to me. And you said they would be no lies.’

“I don’t have time for this conversation.” Picking up and throwing the ball sized rock into the sand. Anger spiking and making my blood rush up into my cheeks.

‘You will make time. Did you hear what I said to you? They all need you!’ #Luna stood up and placed herself in my sight line. ‘You are going to come back to the lab with me, you are going to show them they can have faith in you.’

My mind flashed back to the lab where they all would be around #Marcus as he awoke from the coma that #Jax and #Abby had placed him in.  “Just because they need me, doesn’t mean I lock myself down and just show up. I am only human Luna...”

‘Yes. It. Does.’ It was the blunt truth that only the #ZenMaster could give me.  ‘This is what our life is about. We all have a role to play. And have our responsibilities. Yours is to keep their hope alive. This is your burden to bear. And you will do it Rey, because of who you are…’

“It’s not fair Luna.” My eyes were burning because I knew it was the truth she showed in the mirror of her brown eyes.

‘Ai get in.’ ( I know. ) She bent down on her knees before me, placing her hands on both my heated cheeks to wipe away the tears rolling down them.  

“Why should I always be the beacon of hope for them all? Even when I have lost my way?” My voice broke into a million shards that no one could place back together. And I hated myself for it. After #Finn, I’d promised myself that I would never break again. That I would become as strong as this planet, who came back fighting each time people tried to break it.

‘Yu na nou bak daun en yu don bilaik hofli wan op!’ ( You cannot back down and have your hope die! ) #Luna’s forehead came to rest on mine.

We both sat there in silence, only the wavering sounds of my breathing breaking those moments from time to time. We stayed that way with her supporting me, until I knew that it was time.

“I will do whatever it takes to keep their hope alive… I will be what they need me to be. No matter the cost.”

[oktorpg]

Aʅƚҽɾɳαƚҽ Uɳιʋҽɾʂҽ Oɾιɠιɳʂ

❁ ❁ ❁ ❁

After Jaha took A.L.I.E. off the island, Murphy went his own way with Emori; until she finally can’t take it anymore and insists on finding her brother. Murphy agrees to show her the way to Arkadia. Once they get there it doesn’t take long for them to find out that Otan was killed at the gates. Emori is distraught at the loss of her brother; she leaves but Murphy stays to monopolise on the tension between Skaikru. With Pike in change, Kane’s spy network and Jaha recruiting people to the City of Light, it’s a perfect place for a cockroach to make the most of.

❁ ❁ ❁ ❁

When he realises that Abby Griffin is chipped and decides to get the hell out of dodge, Jaha’s influence was reaching too high. One last trip to the infirmary to pilfer some supplies - he finds Raven chipped, complete under the A.I. control and bandaged from her forced suicide attempt.

John sedates her with a reaper stick and carries her from Arkadia under heavy fire from A.L.I.E. forces.

❁ ❁ ❁ ❁

After the City of Light Falls and they learn of the new threat, Primafaya ( death wave ). They all turn to the task of finding a way to survive Priamfaya. Raven, Abby, Jackson, Miller and few guards take Luna to the lab on Becca's island to study her blood after her miraculous recovery from Radiation sickness, with Murphy as their guide.

❁ ❁ ❁ ❁

Jasper Jordan continues his struggle with post-traumatic stress, self-medicating with moonshines. When he learns of the new threat, he loses all hope and turns to the jobi nut the numb himself, his plight draws in other hopeless souls. Including Harper McItyre and the group form a suicide pact and refuse to leave Arkadia for the safety of the bunker in Polis.

Jasper realises his mistake when confronted with the reality of their plan upon finding a Skaikru boy who overdosed in the jobi tea. He abandons his suicide pact, trying (and failing) to convince the others he was wrong. He does convince Harper, they find Monty and leave Arkadia.

❁ ❁ ❁ ❁

Emori comes to the island in search of the bunker John told her about, but instead is reunited with her friend (John) who convinces her to stay with them. Shortly after, Marcus makes his way to the island. Prompted by a radio conversation with Abby regarding the human testing, he came to volunteer as a test subject.

[oktorpg]

Betrayal – Phase 5 – Master Storyline for OKTO - Part Two

Continuing on from....

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ɴᴀᴛʜᴀɴ ᴍɪʟʟᴇʀ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

Relief spread it’s wings from in my heart, there was no way I could have held on to the doc while #Clarke put her to sleep. It was one of the things I knew my father wished I could do. Follow every order I was given without questioning it. Most of the time, that wasn’t an issue. However, this? I knew it would have eaten at my soul.

“Okay doc, I’m going to let go and walk you to the bunks Rey and Luna set up in the back offices. Unless you want to go down to the staff rooms and find a proper bed there?” Surprised that she gave in to her daughter, because let’s face it they both were like one another.

Letting Abby go I stepped back before nodding my head towards the others. “You know Jax looks like he is about to give out too. Why doesn’t he take the time to sleep too?” I wasn’t sure what more there was for them to do.

‘No, Abby can sleep knowing that I am here looking after the chancellor.’ #Jackson said without missing a beat. He was overdoing it, we could all see it with our eyes.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʙᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I watched as the train that was Abby and Clarke’s wills stopped before it needed to crash with the bang between the mother and daughter. There was a fight none of us wanted to stand in the middle of, not today. Not Ever!

Abby did as she promised once #Nate let go of her, she worked Marcus over before taking her leave and I hoped that she really would sleep.

I stood looking around at the lab and at the people, who still remained in shock and some with black blood on their hands. “I think we all need to take a moment, clean up and see what we can do to give Clarke and Jackson some space to do their work.”

Everyone still appeared stunned, but they moved into action slowly even if it was like puppets on string.

‘Is there something you need help with?’ I didn’t realise that somehow, I had walked over to #Monty and his work station.

“Uhmm… I’m not sure.” I told him, leaning over to whisper. “Something the doc said, and I’ve been wondering too…” #Monty’s eyebrows arched. “Where are Rey, Murphy, Luna and Harper? They aren’t here… I’ve searched from top to bottom.” Pointing to his screen. “Can you check that thing? See where they went?”

He looked from me to the screen. Unsure he wanted to do what I was asking.

“Monty, I’m not doing it to be a dick. I just want to know everyone is safe and no one is being killed by anyone who shouldn’t be here on the island.”

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴍᴏɴᴛʏ ɢʀᴇᴇɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

My fingers froze over the keyboard. Rey had given me all the access so that I could have helped her when I arrived here at the island. However, this… Now…

“I don’t know—” I started but #Bellamy cut me off.

‘Monty. You know that they are all M.I.A. You know there is no way Rey would leave this place with all that is going on.’ His hands fisted on the workstation. ‘And you know like I do, something went down with Murphy, Jorden and Emori. You like me couldn’t have missed how Rey had some tension. And…’ He glanced over his shoulder at the way #Jasper was shadowing Emori in the lab now. ‘Something changed with her and all three of them.’

I knew it, I knew because I’d seen the change and still, I didn’t want to spy on them.

‘Monty…’ I looked up at him.

“I know. I know. Just give me a minute here.” Staring over my shoulder once again. I told myself it’s not spying if I just want to be sure that my friends were safe and not in any danger. I started tapping the code into the system.

‘That’s it...’ I told #Bellmy not to push his luck. It was a first for me to say it. However, this was going against all that I believed in.

“Wait…” I searched all the open floors of this lab, and they were nowhere to be seen. “Okay, they aren’t here.” I was muttering to myself as I worked.

‘That’s what I told you.’ #Bellamy watched me working over my shoulder. ‘What about the Mansion?’

“Yeah. I’m… signing into the cams there now.” As I did, I pushed back and did a time jump to when we all left and then started working back. “Nope… No one is there at all.” Sitting back in the stool I took a moment to think. “Where… The drones!”

‘Yes!’ He clapped me on my back and even though it hurt, I didn’t stop feeding the codes into the system.

“Okay. When did you last see them?” I asked and started my search from the point where Rey had come over to ask me to look into the issue with the elevators. Finding her wasn’t hard once I knew where to go from there.

‘There… Right there…’ #Bellamy pointed to the screen as the two of us watched Raven, #Luna and #Harper making their way out of the Lab with supplies in hand. ‘What the…’ I knew what he saw.

“John followed them?” I lost them from the lab cameras, and then switched to the drones.

It was hard at first. ‘Where’s the drone going?’ He asked me unhappy.

“They were on their rounds, and with Rey turning them off they would have stayed to the far side of the island. Stop getting mad at them. They are only doing their job.” I snapped back a little defensive.

‘Okay, okay. But now what?’ He made a good point.

I fast forward to the point where the code was put in to let the drones back in to cover the island and then I froze. “Hells!” We both froze watching the screen. “They left? They all left?” I couldn’t believe it. Raven? #Luna, #Harper and John… They had all left the Island with the only boat and our only way back.

‘There’s more to it. I can’t believe Rey and Harper would do that.’ #Bellamy spoke in shock. ‘Turn the drones off. I’m going out there, I need to see for myself.’

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴏᴄᴛᴀᴠɪᴀ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

“Get down everyone and stay down until we are close to the island.” I screamed across the boats deck. I knew that there was no way that the Azgeda warriors were able to follow us, as they would have witnessed the chesi ( sea monster ) attack on our people. But for these people who were left to cross the sea with me. This was their first time on a boat and in the sea. It was up to me to hide my own fear and to be the leader they needed.

#Luna was still kneeling beside Murphy who still hadn’t awoken, trying to stop the blood from his arm and leg from colouring the wood. And in that moment that my eyes saw his pale lifeless face, I froze there with my breathing ragged.

|(• ꜰʟᴀꜱʜ ʙᴀᴄᴋ •)|

The black rain had started to fall as I hid in the cupboard listening to #Roan and #Echo talking about how they were planning on killing me.

My mind was reeling as the thought occurred… I was back at the point how it all began for me. My world was ending with me hiding in a small space. I disliked being locked up, I reviled being in tight spaces and most of all I despised hiding from anything and anyone. But here I was, curled up into a ball trying to survive until they were gone so that I could attempt to live past the night and the rain.

|(• ɴᴏᴡ •)|

‘Okteivia… Okteivia… Yu kei?’ ( Octavia… Octavia.. You okay? ) a hand jostled me back to the now.

“Ai laik ku , chit ste em?” ( I am fine, what is it? ) I asked my voice still shaking.

‘Oso don drop of kru hir, Oso gaf gon bak op gon emo.’ ( We lost people here, we need to go back for them. ) She said in a low voice, however other heads had already started turning towards me. Their eyes looking to their new leader for answers.

‘Nou ge Branwoda, lanik has seiso emo. et den reshwe raun kom woda.’ ( Don't be foolish, the sea has claimed them. Let then rest in peace in the water. ) #Luna spoke up from where she sat on her knees hunched over.

Voices erupted shouting at her, telling her that they were Trikru and not Floukru. And that land was the resting place their dead would finally lay. One even went as far as screaming ‘Natrona’ ( Traitor ) at her.

I saw Rey shift from behind the cabin, she couldn’t let go of the wheel, but her face told me that she wasn’t going to take it laying down if anyone misspoke here.

“Shof yu op! Ai laik heda kom Wonkru, Ai na nou stand gon Disha!!” ( Silence! I am the leader of One clan, I will not stand for this!! )

They all bowed their heads and fell quiet. And I saw the questions in the eyes of those who had not been on the mainland with the rest of us once the conclave was won.

‘O… Come look.’ #Harper was pointing out towards the land that had come into sight. And as I stepped across the deck to stand beside her, I narrowed my eyes as the sun was setting and yet the sky was the shade of a blood orange.

“Bellamy!”

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴏᴄᴋꜱ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʙᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

“Fuck…. FUCK…. FUCK!!!” I kicked the stones on the beach as we came out on to the clearing.

“No… NO… NO!!!” I couldn’t believe my own eyes. Some part of me had hoped that what the drones had shown was wrong, that it was a mistake.

“FUCK!!!” I shouted out walking onto the deck with my hands tugging at my hair.

‘What do we do now?’ #Nate was only a few feet behind me, and by the sound of his voice I could tell he was in as much shock as I was.

“I… Rey… Fuck….” My voice gave out on me now. Why had she done this?

‘You know she didn’t believe in the testing, and she said it was time to give up and leave.’ #Nate was kneeling on the dock now, setting his rifle down beside him with his eyes out at the vast sea before us. ‘There is no other way off this island Blake.. No… other… way.’ His voice broke and then we were silent.

I couldn’t sit or stand still, I turned to face the land behind me. The forest and then my mind went to the lab. All the faces that we would have to go back to. All the faces that would die here on this island. And yet…

‘Blake…’ #Nate whispered. ‘Blake!’ he said it again his tone charged. ‘BELLAMY!’

“WHAT?” I snapped turning my head towards where he sat.

‘Look.’ He pointed out to the water and then I heard it before I fully turned to see it.

“O….” It was the boat, with my sister on it. She was screaming my name. “Am I dreaming?”

‘No… Not unless we are both having the same dream.’ #Nate stood up his face transformed into a big grin.

“Octavia!” The closer the boat got and more I could see of my sister, she had changed in the days I’d been away from her. She… wasn’t the girl I had left behind in Polis.

“Octavia!!!”

|(• ꜰʟᴀꜱʜ ʙᴀᴄᴋ •)|

Big brown eyes glanced out from behind the closet door when I stepped into our unit. She knew to hide and not to come out until I or Mom told her it was all clear and safe. We had to be so careful in case someone looked in as they walked behind us in the corridors.

“It’s all clear, come on out.” I whispered to her, one hand holding the rations I’d picked up on my way back from school. And the other was hiding behind my back.

‘Are you sure?’ her small low voice came out from behind the door.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Come see what I got for you.” I smiled watching her tentatively brushing her long hair out of her eyes. “We need to cut your hair, it’s getting too long again.” I told her, setting the rations down on the table and then sitting down on the floor where she liked to play.

‘What is it?’ She smiled coming to sit before me with her legs crossed. ‘What did you bring?’ She asked with her eyes big with excitement.

“Shhh.” I glanced around to see that mom was fast asleep. “We don’t want to wake mom up before her shift tonight.” Our mom worked the night shift and still had a couple of more hours if we let her.

#Octavia mouthed the word Sorry, and then covered her lips.

I brought out my hand and opened it to reveal a small sponge vanilla cake. “There was a visit at school today, the council wanted to see what we were learning, and they gave all of us this as a treat.” It was unheard of for us to have sugar or treats down here. However, the officers and the council would somehow find little things like this to share when they visited.

‘Bellamy… really?’ her hands fisted up and she sat on them, something she did to stop herself from touching anything she felt was too delicate.

“Really O, I bought it back for you.” Holding my hand out towards her.

‘But it was given to you.’ Her voice was tender and a delicate whisper.

“And I am giving it to you.” Taking one of her hands out from under her, I held it palm up and placed the small cake on it. “Now eat up. Enjoy it.” I smiled.

‘We will share it.” She broke the small cake into three parts. ‘We will save this for mom too.’

|(• ɴᴏᴡ •)|

“Octavia…” I was running to the edge of the dock, wishing the boat to speed up. I could see Rey was the one trying to bring it in, and after a few turns and bangs it was docked. I didn’t miss a heartbeat before I jumped on board engulfing my sister in my arms.

“What are you doing here?”

Her arms were around me for a brief moment before she pulled away.

‘No time to explain right now. We have people hurt and Murphy… He was bitten by the sea monster trying to save me.’

I pulled back surveying the deck, my back stiffened at seeing Trikru warriors slowly starting to stand. “What in the name of the stars?”

‘I’ll explain later.’ #Octavia whispered in my ear. ‘Help now, talk later.’

Rey came out from the cabin, I pointed up to her. “We will talk!” she nodded her head. “Okay, those who can walk, do it, and those who can’t…” I didn’t need to finish that off. Taking the radio out I told those at the lab that we had company and there were people who were hurt.

I glance around again seeing #Luna had stood, trying to lift Murphy, and #Harper was helping others up.

“Nate, here.” We took Murphy from #Luna and lifted him up and out of the boat. “Everyone follows behind Nate and me. Let’s get a move on.”

•- John -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ɪꜱʟᴀɴᴅ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʜᴀʀᴘᴇʀ ᴍᴄɪɴᴛʏʀᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I walked next to #Octavia. From what I could tell she wasn't injured... at least not from the jump. The rest of the injuries looked a day or more, old. From the conclave, I presumed but they weren't slowing her down at all. All the same, I stayed close. She looked about ready to drop, the blue and purple shadows under her eyes weren't from the conclave... I wondered how long it had been since she’d last slept.

I glanced at #Bellamy, still carrying an unconscious Murphy. He gave me an appreciative nod. #Octavia must have noticed my gaze because she finally spoke. 'When did Murphy turn into the self-sacrificing sort?' She jutted her chin toward him.

"Hmm?" I had to replay the sentence for my overwhelmed mind to process the question. "Oh... um. I don't know…it’s just for Raven, he’s… different." I said without thinking and #Octavia's head tilted like I wasn't speaking English anymore. I cleared my throat. "And #Luna... then there's this other girl that he met in the desert, Emori." There was a lot of history crammed into a short amount of time with John and Emori, but I wasn't going to pry.

'John Murphy has... Friends?' #Octavia spoke slowly like she was trying to mull over each word. 'I did not see that coming.' Now she sounded like the O I knew.

"I guess so... #Luna is more of a big sister really." That made Octavia looked at her brother again. "John has been different lately; he was looking after Raven when she was..." I tried to think of a way to say dying without using that word. "Sick? But when she cured herself it’s like a switch flipped." I shook my head. "It’s been... things have been strange here."

Octavia was silent now... things had been strange since the moment we were marched from our cells on the Sky Box and strapped into that dropship.

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴊᴏʜɴ ᴍᴜʀᴘʜʏ'ꜱ ʜᴇᴀᴅ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴊᴏʜɴ ᴍᴜʀᴘʜʏ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

So, this was it. Death was this all-encompassing blackness.

A wide-open void.

A pitch-black, claustrophobic hole, filling slowly with tar the sucked at my limbs and made them too heavy to move.

Only in Hell could both of those things be true. But my inner demon was nowhere to be seen. Even if the other me showed up I wouldn’t see him... the tar glued my eyes shut. It seeped into my ears blocking out all sound - except...

Was that...?

Was that a heartbeat? Could it be mine? Or had my darker half joined me? No.

I tried to will the sound away. It slowed... almost as if it was responding to my will. The tar thickened and surrounded me, squeezing the breath from my lungs with the weight of it.

Breath.

Why would I need to breathe here? I fought the urge to inhale, to let those signs of life just fade away. It would be so much easier. But instinct took over as my lungs started to burn and I sucked in a deep breath. My traitorous chest rising and filling with... air, not tar... or of the blood pulsing through your ears when you covered them tightly, became stronger and more regular.

Then I was cold, lain out in the void again... Would this place make up its mind already? What did it want to be? A yawning black abyss or a deep, sticky pit?

'We need Jackson!'

Who the fuck was talking? And #Jackson, really? This was hell and I was about to get a two-hour lecture on mental health and coping with anxiety. I missed the tar pit already.

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴏᴄᴋꜱ

‘Ste Oso nou mafta emo Ogeda seintaim?’ ( Are we not following them all too? ) #Luna looked towards the people disappearing into the forest, and then back to me.

I hadn’t climbed out the boat while the rest had. However, my eyes hadn’t left any of the injured people. That was all on me.

“I’m going to give the boat a once over first. I want to make sure I’ve not wrecked the only way off this island for everyone by what I just did.” I told her turning to open the hatch and pull out the tools and the repair kits I’d asked #Nate and the others to restock on the boat. It was always best to be prepared.

‘O, ste em nopro gon leda hir?’ ( Or, is it easy to hide here? ) She followed behind reaching in for the heavier tool box to drag it up to the top deck for me.

“Ai nou get in chit Yu sei.” ( I don't know what you mean. ) I told her, turning away I started to check the boat for leaks and damages. My eyes wondering over every inch as I slowly walked.

I knew exactly what she was saying, but didn’t have it in me to face them all.

‘Yu don dula ena, Ai Stisis. Gon Yu emo kik gon gon daun ona.’ ( You did well, little sister. Because of you they live to fight on. ) #Luna jumped down into the hatch to check the boat from below.

“Would the ones who are dead in the sea agree with you?” I called out because I was sure they wouldn’t.

‘Emo don get in chit seyon kom gon daun ste.’ ( They knew what the meaning of the fight is. ) She popped her head up to gab a repair kit before going under again. ‘Dei de's nou ona Yu.’ ( That’s not on you. )

“Will Jo… Murphy agree with you? He wasn’t even meant to be on the boat. And now…” My eyes drifted over my shoulder towards the Island as I got to work on the cracks that I found, pulling arrows out of the side of the boat.

‘Jos edei gon dig au, ste gon as op em.’ ( The only way to find out, is to ask him. )

Why was she always right? “Not happening.” I muttered under my breath.

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴄʟᴀʀᴋᴇ ɢʀɪꜰꜰɪɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

Setting the radio down I swelled and rushed out to the main lab and everyone there. From the looks on their faces and the fact that their eyes were glued to the radio on #Monty’s workstation.

“I take it that everyone here heard that?” They started towards me some nodding and others looking between one another. My eyes fell on Emori and then back to the rest of them. “We need to lock down on everything we don’t want them all to know about just now. Anything that may scare them or have them asking questions we don’t have time to answer.”

‘Clarke…’ #Jasper stepped forward. ‘They know what we came here to do—’

I lifted my finger to my temple and cut him off. “No, they know we came to find a way out of the problem we are all facing. But Roan and I didn’t share that we were looking to make more night bloods.”

Pointing to #Jackson. “Jax, we need to move Marcus into a secure room, and all the formulas and the work needs to be locked away too. We don’t know how many Octavia has brought with her, so we don’t know if we will be able to control them all.”

I wasn’t even sure what #Octavia had been thinking by bringing anyone here like this.

‘Why don’t we just take them down to the housing or medical floor? They are injured, there is a hospital down there, and they don’t need to come here on this floor unless we know it’s safe?’ #Monty was the one to speak up.

“Monty Green! I could kiss you!” his cheeks went red. “New plan. Monty, can you make sure that when they get here, we send the elevator to level ten and level seven.” Seven was where #Becca had set up housing, dining, and laundry. And ten was the medical floor.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴇʀɪᴄ ᴊᴀᴄᴋꜱᴏɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I stood before the elevator looking at the numbers as they moved down toward level ten. #Clarke had made it clear that we should take caution, and I had to agree with her on this one. We couldn’t risk them seeing Marcus as he lay with black blood blisters. To these people Black blood was sacred, and for them to see another whom they all knew to have red blood to now have black. That wasn’t going to go down well.

The doors pushed open dragging me out of my thoughts and I could see the confusion on the faces of #Bellamy, #Nate and #Harper. I smiled finding #Octaiva’s eyes on me.

“Hey, I have the hospital wing set up and ready to go.” My eyes fell on John in #Bellamy’s arms. “Murphy? Bring him, anyone want to tell me what in hells happened?”

They didn’t question me, they all followed as they spoke. #Harper and #Octavia filled me in.

‘I need to get back up top, some of Trikru didn’t trust the elevator and wouldn’t come down so Monty is helping them. I should take them some water and a medical kit.’ #Bellamy said just as #Clarke came into the room.

'They are Wonkru.' #Octavia corrected him, and they exchanged a look.

#Clarke cleared her throat. Something was amiss here. ‘I’ll come up with you if you have all this in hand Jax?’ She asked, I knew it would give her time to tell Bellamy what was going on, so I nodded.

As I cut off John’s shirt and his pants. The door burst open again and this time it was #Luna and Rey stood with their eyes darting around until they saw John.

‘Can we do anything to help?’ Rey asked and I pointed to the people who needed attention.

��Help them clean up so that I can take a look at them, I’ve got Murphy.” They both stood looking at him before they did as I asked.

“Of all the places John Murphy, the Sea Monster is not going to be the one to take you.” He had two deep bites, and a number of bruises.

“These ribs are going to hurt like hells.” I muttered connecting the I.V in his arm.

He’d lost a lot of blood. Giving him some morphine, I started on the sutures to stop the bleeding.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʀᴀᴠᴇɴ ʀᴇʏᴇꜱ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

As he walked by #Bellamy curled a couple of his fingers around mine and squeezed, pulling me towards the side and out of the others ear shot.

‘You know how dangerous that was Rey?’ He wasn’t waiting for an answer. ‘What has gotten into you since that brain thing.’ He tapped the side of my head. ‘You of all people here, you are the one who tells me to slow the hells down and think. But you are the one this time who just ran.’ He closed his eyes tightly.

What was there for me to say? I knew it when we left, but I needed this. I needed to go and get #Octavia.

‘I want to scream and shout at you… But… Thank you.’ I froze in the spot I stood. Looking up into his red rimmed dark brown eyes. This I wasn’t expecting. ‘Thank you for going to bring O home.’ Home… He too had started to call the Island Home. It had been the first real place we all had started to feel safe.

“Don’t thank me yet, you do realise that we now have a troop of Ice Nation waiting for us when we go back. It’s not like we can touch base down the beach or on another beach. The rover is there if they haven’t found it and ripped it apart yet.”

‘I know, O told me what happened. But one thing at a time.’ He squeezed my fingers again before letting go and following #Clarke out of the lab.

“Hells.” Had I done the right thing? As my tired eyes wondered over the lab, witnessing the aftermath of what had been done. Seeing John’s wet clothes disregarded on the ground. Guilt took a strong hold of me.

‘Rey? If you are helping, get over here.’ #Jax called out pointing to a tray on the side. He asked me to help, but mostly I could tell he was trying to keep me close.

“Let me guess, Bells said not to let me out of your sight?” I asked. My hazel eyes taking in each suture that had been placed into his already scar filled skin. “This is on me.” I whispered.

•- John -•

Several Hours Later

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʙᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

The information that I had pieced together... it was impossible to comprehend. I had seen there was more to the guy that I thought I knew; the moment his friend Emori had shown up on the drone camera. How he had shouted to shut down the firing drones and bolted to the beach. I'd watched him look after Rey even when she physically drove him away. I'd seen the influence that #Luna had on him.

But John Murphy... slicing open his own arm? To save my sister? That hardly seemed possible. Of course, it could have been #Luna... but the result was the same either way. I peeled away the tape and wad of cotton from the crook of my elbow. The fact that my blood was now running through his veins was almost as unbelievable as what he had done. Well, Nate's too... who was currently sleeping off his donation on the office couch.

I spotted Raven hovering near the room that he was in now and I remembered overhearing her telling #Jackson that it was her fault. It was hardly her fault that he'd cut himself too deeply. Or that that thing got its teeth into him.

"Go in, Rey." I squeezed her shoulder. "Jackson has him on serious pain meds... he won't wake up for hours." I stepped away to go and find my sister... I still needed to see her to believe that it was true... she had single-handedly won a war and now she was here.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴊᴏʜɴ ᴍᴜʀᴘʜʏ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

My head was spinning... no... Not my head... the room was spinning. Red flooded my vision through closed lids; if the light was this bright with my eyes closed there was no way I was opening them. My fingers clenched on whatever I was lying on... I knew this. The thin layer of padding beneath me. I had leaned over this bed numerous times, trying to keep Raven's fevers down. Trying to pull her out of those crazy dreams that made her heart rate spike.

The last memory of her that I had was her driving the boat and then blackness. Where was she now? Was she back? Azgeda arrows had been flying... my eyes flew open at that. The light burned and my head felt too heavy as I tried to sit up.

"Where is she?" I asked... my voice sounded like I'd drunk a few too many jars of #Jasper's best. My tongue stuck to the roof of my dry mouth.

"Where..." I lifted my hand to shield out the light.

I could hardly think straight, my mind was foggy, and I felt myself falling back against the biobed.

What had I been thinking? Diving into the ocean... make-believing that I was some kind of hero? I couldn't even pull off being just the good guy... now here I was. I couldn't manage to stay upright. I couldn't find her... how had I ever been stupid enough to think that I could keep her safe?

Hai Skaiskat... Foolish at reflection and believed he could be more than what he saw there. The kind that thought they could be more, but life didn’t work that way… People didn’t change. I couldn’t change.

•- Raven -•

I kept my distance from the room they were keeping John in, I was the last person who could help, and I was sure I’d also be the last person he’d want to see right now. Every hour that passed had been grinding on me. One by one all the people who had been injured had been taken care of. They were a couple still laying in the biobeds, but we had situated the others who trusted us and #Octavia enough to use the elevators up to level eight. It was a floor dedicated to housing. Becca had planned for the end of the world in the right way.

“Here let me help you up.” I reached to help the man turn on the biobed without pulling at his I.V. while he moved. From time to time I took a hidden look over my shoulder towards #Jax, #Luna and John’s sleeping body.

Bellamy squeezed my shoulder as he walked by, making me freeze.

‘Go in, Rey.’ he squeezed my shoulder. ‘Jackson has him on serious pain meds... he won't wake up for hours.’ He said.

“I’m the last person he will want to see when he wakes up Bells.” I told him.

His eyes followed mine back again before he left me there.

‘Em ste a yuj Won.’ ( He is a strong one. ) The man in front of me said, looking towards John.

“Yu ste ait, ba nou tel em.” ( You are right, but don’t tell him. ) I half smiled turning to walk towards John and the others.

Shouts came out of the room, and I pushed myself forwards to see what was happening. #Jax was trying to calm John, #Luna was holding him to the bed as he called out.

‘Who is he calling for?’ #Jax asked, before he gave John something to help. #Luna’s dark brown eyes found my hazel ones.

There was only one person he would have called out for, and I should have foreseen it. Taking out the radio from the pocket in my pants I pushed the button. Speaking as my eyes were glued on him and then #Luna.

“Emori? John is awake and he is asking for you. Come on down to level ten.”

I slowly stepped backwards out of the room and then out of the medical bay.

•- John -•

A hand slipped into mine and I squeezed it... or at least I tried to... but pain lanced up my arm. The light was too bright to look for the face of the person that had taken it. I knew it was #Jackson's hands that had been on my shoulders; because of the words he was saying to get me to stay still. I turned my head to see, but the motion made me dizzy. I clenched my hands, one in the sheets and one that was held by another, as the room spun. But the action made me whimper at the pain in my arm again... it was pathetic, but whimper was the only word to describe it. But… I did glimpse the hand that held mine.

The skin tone was only slightly darker than mine, #Luna I realize just as I heard Raven call out for Emori. I couldn't blame her for thinking that was who I was looking for; not with how I'd been treating her lately. 'Ste hoden, Jon. Yu ste laksen.' (Be still, Jon. You're hurt.) #Luna's voice was soft. But Raven was here... and sounded unharmed.

'He needs more pain meds.' The vague shape of #Jackson started to come into focus. I grabbed his wrist with my good arm and forced myself to look in his direction, even though it made the room spin violently again. "No... Please." A hint of desperation in my voice. "No more... I can't... I need my head clear. Please?" I hated it... the foggy confusion.

I felt more than saw #Luna and #Jackson exchange a look. A huff from Doc Lite told me the Zen Master had won. My eyes fixed on #Luna's dark brown eyes and though I thought of this woman like family; I wished they were those warm hazel tones I was far too fond of. "Is she okay?" I asked, forgetting the #Jackson was in earshot.

'Em's kilr. Em nou ged led op. En don ge ona floudon gon kik thru.' (She's safe. She wasn't hurt. Everyone that made it to the boat is going to survive.)

I sighed with relief... though it was only for the news of Raven.

'Ai na ge em.' (I'll go get her.) She continued and loosened her grip. I squeezed her hand. Stopping her.

"She doesn't want to see me." I replied in English I was too tired to try and translate my words.

'Jon...' she started again, and I cut her off.

"Please #Luna... don't..." I didn't know what to say to make her let Raven walk away. Even now... drugged and in pain; I knew it was the right thing to do for her. "Don't leave me alone... The last time I was in a bed like this they told me I was dying."

She brushed a sweat-slick clump of hair off my forehead. 'You saved my life, John Murphy... I'm not going anywhere.' The resignation in her voice was enough to convince me that; unless Raven approached of her own free will, she wouldn't step in. At least for now.

•- Raven -•

I stood aggressively pushing the button for the elevator for the third time. “Why is it taking so long!” half growling as I hit it once again, however this time it felt more like a slam.

‘Hells Rey, what did the button do to upset you?’ #Harper came to stand beside me.

“Nothing, I guess.” I said unintelligibly. I couldn’t understand the anger that had started to bubble up inside of me.

Only once I was sure I was in control, did I dared to look away from the display above the elevator, seeing the two large bags set beside her. Noticing the glance #Harper volunteered to answer my unasked question. ‘Jax needed help with the clean-up in there.’ Pointing back over her shoulder. ‘It’s a biohazard to have all the soiled materials around here.’

“Do you need some help with it?” I asked, why hadn’t I thought to ask or just helped to clean up? I was the reason for this mess at the end of the day.

‘No, I can take care of it. I will take it up topside and set fire to them.’ She shifted glancing over her shoulder again. ‘I’m surprised you aren’t in there. Especially…’ She altered her stand again.

“Especially what?” I turned to face her and then to the doors down the hall.

‘Well… John just refused pain meds.’ As she spoke, I could see in her eyes the uncertainty. She wasn’t sure if she should be sharing this information.

“He What?” My voice didn’t rise, but there was an edge on it. The doors to the elevators opened in that moment.

‘Are you coming?’ by the time I realised #Harper was talking to me; she had picked the bags up and stepped inside. ‘Rey?’

“No, you go…” I had turned and started down the hall once again until my hand was outstretched, and I had pushed my way back into the medical bay.

I stood by the doors, unsure if I had the right to do or say anything here. But then I remembered how he was with me when I needed someone to speak some sense into me. My eyes had been gliding over the room until I saw what it was I had been in search for.

‘Rey?’ #Jackson placed a hand on my arm as I reached for a reaper stick. ‘What are you doing?’ his gaze moved from my hand to my eyes. He’d seen something in them I was sure that said. Don’t get in my way.

I asked what had been happening in the short time I had left, I asked why he wasn’t giving John the medication he needed, I growled how John was the last person a doctor should be listening to. At which point #Jackson reminded me how John had been the one to stop him when he wanted to drug me.

“Jax… Either you hand me the meds John Murphy needs, or you come and administer it yourself. But one thing is going to happen… Murphy will stop hurting.” With that said, I marched across the room, passed all the eyes watching me not caring what they all thought about the Skai gada ( Sky girl ).

#Luna’s gaze had been following me ever since I had returned. She didn’t miss a thing ( #Luna never did. ) She didn’t say a word to me as I came to stand beside the biobed.

Leaning over the broken body of John Murphy, the pang of guilt hadn't left me, but now seeing how injured he was, it intensified. My hazel eyes were burning with anger at how he wasn’t doing what was needed for himself.

I made sure his baby blue eyes, filled with pain were on me when I held the reaper stick up.

“Listen to me Murphy… And listen well… You have two choices here… One… I hit you hard with this…” Tapping the reaper to his chest. “or Two, you allow Jax to give you the meds you need, to stop the pain I know you are feeling. There is no point being a martyr here, you are hurting, and you need something to help you. You never let me get away with this crap… And I don’t care how much you hate me… I’m not letting you do this… Just add some more hate on what you think of me as it is. But…” I pulled the cap off the reaper stick. “You make the choice before I finish this count… Five… Four…. Three…”

Telling myself that by the time I hit two, I would inject him with it.

•- Marcus -•

|(• ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴋᴀɴᴇ’s ᴍɪɴᴅ •)|

I lost track of time. It wasn’t hard to do while surrounded by walls; or in this spectral form to say the least. #Aurora left me after our walk at the beach. And I wasn’t sure if this was part of a dream or if I would ever see her again. However, she left something for me:

“She deserves to hear the truth from you and not from Bellamy.”

Those words didn’t leave my mind and because of it I couldn’t find in me to think straight, so I went after her the moment I notice she was on the Island, only to find her on level 10. And I would probably recognised that dark haired pulled up in a ponytail anywhere. I was well aware that #Octavia couldn’t see me, but still I know the corner of my lips curved up at the sight of her well and alive. #Bellamy was just a few steps away, watching her in silence as #Octavia examined the bandage on her thigh.

I stood there as she questioned her brother about the others; only to notice the look on his face and the exchange of look between them. It took a moment before #Octivia could stand away enough from the grounders and then. #Bellamy told her everything.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴏᴄᴛᴀᴠɪᴀ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I had grown used to the pain, but today it felt as if my body was shattered. However, I didn’t let it show. Not to the grounders or my brother. This was the reason I took to my feet the moment the bandage was on, even though my upper back was sore; and so were my arms.

The tiredness was soon replaced by concern as #Bellamy updated me about what happened in the past few days. And for a moment I tried not to think too long on what that meant. I had people trusting me, following me to this island and now . . .

“How long do we have?”, I whispered so only he could hear, but the look in his face told me all I needed to know. We were running short of time, but this shouldn’t be discussed so close to the grounders.

•- John -•

I laughed softly when #Luna filled me in on what had happened when I was out cold. But the laugh faded quickly into a weak cough. “I always knew that bastard #Miller wanted to get inside me… Not shocked he found a way to do it.” But #Luna wasn’t looking at me, that was probably the funniest thing I ever said, and she wasn’t paying attention. Then I heard hervoice coming closer.

For a woman who spent her whole life saving others, she had no idea what was good for her… walking away from me being the top of that list right now. A lump swelled in my throat the minute her eyes found mine. What I saw there made me instantly feel… guilty.

But, why?

Then her words hit me. She knew I refused meds… and that’s what brought her back. She was worried for me… No. It was worse than that. She was afraid for me. Hence, the guilt. My pain caused her pain, and I knew then that I had let this get out of control; I should have stopped this a long time ago. I was already dragging her down with me.

I swallowed the lump choking off my words and lifted my uninjured hand, wrapping it around her wrist. I would stop this… I would… but right now, all I wanted was for the fear and anger in her eyes to go away. With my gaze still on her, I cut off her countdown.

“Luna?” I cleared the hoarseness from my voice. “Will you go get Jackson, please?” I felt her slip away.

My hand moved up over Raven’s and I peeled her fingers gently from around the reaper stick; letting it fall to the bed. “Okay,” I whispered to Raven now. “It’s okay, you don’t have to.” She would never forgive herself if she drugged me… even with an advanced warning.

Jackson was at the side of the bed so fast that I knew he must have been following Raven here. ‘Are you sure you want this, John?’ He asked. I nodded, not looking away from Raven.

I could do this for her, one last thing before I finished this. Just this; to make her fears go away. I would slip back into the tar and the fog for her. Hell, it was better than the feeling it gave me for having put that fear in her eyes. I waited until I could feel the cool rush of the drug spreading out from my I.V. I could instantly breathe easier. I lifted my hand from hers and clumsily laid it on her cheek.

“I could never hate you, Stargazer.” The drugs made my eyes heavy, and I fought to keep them on her. “Not ever… Remember that.” Then there were murmurs, and I couldn’t tell if they were coming from me or not. The world became hazy, soft, and quiet. There was no tar… no dark. I knew Raven was still there… I knew #Luna was hovering nearby giving us space, I knew when Jackson was gone… even though nothing was really in focus. But I felt it all.

•- Raven -•

“Sleep for now Watcher, it’s going to be okay when you wake.”

I observed as his blue bruised eyes started to drift, I listened closely to the mutterings he voiced as he started to let go. And I froze the second his hand touched my face. His action and those words, I had nothing to say in the moment, as I was taken aback by what he had let go of.

‘Jon na na ku , he gaf in hosh daun.’ ( Jon will be fine, he needs to sleep. ) #Luna placed a hand on my shoulder as #Jackson removed the reaper stick and left us alone.

“If you know he needed to sleep, why did you not make him take his meds?” I didn’t have it in me to translate my words into trig.

‘Yu don Ai shov of Yu gon dula'm op? chomouda would Ai gon em?’ ( Have I pushed you to do it? why would I for him? ) I knew, I knew she wouldn’t made us do anything we didn’t want to. but still.

“Luna, this is all on me…” I was so tired, my body was fighting me, and I didn’t have it in me to keep fighting back. And yet I hadn’t let any part of it show.

‘Ai get in.’ ( I know. ) She whispered into my ear. ‘Ba Jon ste raun nod of nau.’ ( But Jon is asleep now. )

I pushed myself to stand up straighter, my eyes wouldn’t pull away from him. Had he stood watching me like this when I was out for the count? Had he felt as useless as I felt? “What did he mean? Before by what he said?” I was sure #Luna had heard it too.

‘I could never hate you, Stargazer. Not ever… Remember that.’

The words didn’t ring true to the actions he had taken. But she didn’t answer me, letting go of me she stepped away. Only when I hear the legs of the chairs being dragged closer to the bed did I understand where #Luna had gone.

We both sand down beside John Murphy’s bed. Unsure how much time had passed when the radio crackled to life. ‘Rey? Where are you?’ #Monty’s voice came in a rush.

I didn’t move, but #Luna did pick the radio up from the side and hand it to me. “Level 10, what’s up.”

‘Can you come up to three please? I need to show you something.’ I closed my eyes, tapping the edge of the thing against my forehead.

‘Go, I’m here. He has been a sleep for a few hours, and he hasn’t stirred at all.’ I knew she was right.

“I know, but he didn’t leave my side. Even if it was to make sure I didn’t wake up and climb out of bed. I hit the button on the side of the radio. “Monty, come on down to ten, I’m not moving from here.” #Luna squeezed my arm, so I added. “There is a workstation down here if you can’t show me on a tablet.”

There was silence for a moment. ‘Rey, I really think you need to come up here.’ When I didn’t reply for a few minutes, he added. ‘Please Rey.’

•- Marcus -•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʙᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』⠀

Not so long ago, #Octavia and I had the chance to talk alone, which allowed us to catch up. She wanted to know what was happening, so I told her. I told #O about the serum tests, Abby’s mental breakdown, Marcus current state…

I told her everything, except who her father was. There was this one thing Marcus asked before volunteering to be the Guinea Pig- the least I could do was respect his wishes for now. Besides I didn't know how she would take it, especially now that he might never come back to conscience.

Even without that piece of truth, my little sister seemed worried, devastated in her own way that we still haven't figure it out how to help us all. However, she masked well. She had grown tougher and that was good. As long as #Octavia could keep the grounders under control we were good. Still, as she walked out of the room to camp outdoors with them, I find myself alone. At this point, her story of what happen in Polis would play as a loop inside my head until it becomes too much of a noise, more than thoughts, almost vivid . . . Then, I slam my hand on the counter.

'Fuck', I mutter running the fingers over my hair. How could #Jaha do this to 𝘂𝘀?

The man betrayed us all, even when we were doing all to save them. He didn't care if we would make the serum work or if we would end up returning to Polis. He sentenced us all to die when he locked himself and the remaining members of the Skaikru, ignoring the conclave decision. In that moment, I felt rage taking over me; there is this thought, which is so dark and deep that I should be ashamed of having it. I wish #Jaha dies inside that bunker because if he doesn't and we all survive, I will kill him myself!

•- John -•

I knew that she was there. It was the strangest sort of sleep... if it was even sleeping at all. Things were happening around me… I heard low voices, they sounded like #Jackson treating the other patient’s, but I couldn’t make out any particular words. There were no dreams, no running through the forest with countless pursuers, no inner demon to torment me. Just soft light playing against closed eyelids and the weirdly comfortable floating sensation.

I thought about the words I had said to Raven... It was wrong, it was leaving a door open that I should have locked and bolted. Would she just think it was the drugs? I lingered between hoping that she would and praying that she wouldn't... but even that didn't cause me pain right now. Whatever Doc Lite had given me was good!

Her words I could make out though. Was that because she was closer to me? Or was it just because she was Raven, and I was... well... what was I? The thought of her leaving my side… I knew that she had to… she was too important to the group to play nursemaid. But I also knew it was her presence that kept my demons away… I didn’t know how I’d never realised this before now.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴏᴄᴛᴀᴠɪᴀ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

"We need to do something, #Bellamy... The tribes have already selected their survivors. They are going to hunt down what is left of Skaikru if we can’t get that door open."

My brother just dragged his hand through his hair. 'I know O... I know we need to make a plan... If the treatment...” His eyes darted around the room, he was careful not to mention Night Blood. "We would only need a place to ride out the deathwave and the fires."

I had seen the state that Kane was in... even if his blisters did heal and he eventually woke up... what good would it be? If we all got that sick... how many of us would realistically survive? "The bunker is the only option." I pressed the point home. "Wonkru is the only option. Without the bunker, it will shatter. I promised these people salvation Bell... you have to help me keep that promise."

I looked around the room. "Where is Rey? I bet that she can open the door?"

#Bellamy looked down at the table he had slammed his fist against. 'I'm not so sure we can pull Raven away yet... Not until we know Murphy will be okay.'

"Murphy?" I muttered and followed Bell's gaze to where she sat with #Luna; her radio raised to her mouth. "What's going on there?" I asked with a raised brow.

'Nothing like that... They're just...' He shrugged. 'Different with each other.' It was hard to comprehend, but then again, he had almost taken bullets for Rey when he escaped from Arkadia with her.

But I stepped around my brother and headed over to her, I heard #Monty over the radio. But this couldn't wait. "Rey, we need your help." I stopped at the foot of John's bed.

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ʟᴇᴠᴇʟ ᴛᴇɴ

‘Yu gyon au, Ai na na ait hir.’ ( You go, I will be right here. ) #Luna whispered into my ear. She had stepped around to be closer when she heard the way #Monty asked me to meet him. It was hard to say no to that boy on the best of days, let alone when he sounded as he did.

“Luna—” I was cut off by the sound of footsteps and then #Octaiva stood by the foot of John’s bed. Her hair pulled up in a slick ponytail now, she was in dry clothes from the lab, and yet she still stood out. The eyes of the grounders were burrowing into the back of my skull, as they watched their new leader ask me for help.

“O… Can it wait?” I asked her, with #Monty calling for help, John knocked out, Luna in a lab full of grounders who looked at her with distain. It was getting difficult for me to divide my attention.

‘Raven, you know if it could wait. I wouldn’t be here…’ Her eyes moved to John and then back to me. ‘Asking you to leave him like this. It’s not my first choice, but you are my only option.’

#Luna squeezed my arm, once again whispering how she would call me back if I was needed. And I had to trust her. I knew #Luna of all people would deal with whatever came to light. However, still I stepped up to #Octavia and whispered into her ear. “Your grounders best not have any plans to harm Luna. We are all still alive thanks to this woman.”

When I pulled away and our eyes met, #Octavia squeezed my arm now too. ‘I promise.’ She nodded to someone behind me.

〄 〄 〄 〄

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ʟᴇᴠᴇʟ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ

“You want me to what?” My eyes all but popped out of their sockets as I paced back and forth in the Level three office I’d turned into my testing and creating lab, while I was working on the suit for my final spacewalk. “I mean I can’t see why I couldn’t do it. But with the data gone from here.” I tapped on the side of my head. “It’s going to be slower than we need.”

Everyone had been filled in on the shit show that took place in Polis, everything #Octavia had been through with the conclave, and then on top of it all #Jaha and our people had taken over the bunker and closed the doors. It really shouldn’t have been a shock to any of us, that the man hadn’t once thought about us here on the island, working on a resolution, and save lives.

‘But it’s possible right?’ #Clarke and #Octaiva both said at the same time.

I rubbed my face, #Monty was hovering to my side, and I knew that it was time.

“Sure, it could be done. But we have a bigger problem then that here and now.” I leant over the desk, tapping the keyboard I brought the screens to life for everyone to see.

‘What are we looking at here?’ #Bellamy asked.

“This is the data the drones have been gathering for me. When we first arrived, I reconfigured them to gather information on the atmosphere, temperature changes as well as any data on the acid levels in the rain that’s falling.” I had lost them, or they weren’t sure why this was more important than the bunker.

I pointed to the spikes in the charts before them all. “The timeline has escalated dramatically since the first run down I shared with you all.” The blank looks had me rubbing my face. “Guys we don’t have the time we first thought we did. At these levels.” I was pointing at the data from today #Monty had alerted me to. “We will be lucky if we made it back to Polis at this rate, let alone work out how I can get those doors reopened, and that’s if there isn’t a blood bath from the grounders finding out what the hells has been going on!”

And just like that I saw in their reactions, that the light had turned on.

‘Fuck!’ It was a whisper from #Bellmay’s lips.

•- John -•

#Octavia... That was her voice clear as a bell. She survived, I knew #Luna had gotten her to the boat, but after that everything was a blur.

Rey was being pulled in so many directions. But the haze of drugs and blood loss meant i wasn't able to protect her from it.

Not that she would ever allow such a thing.

But there it was that thing that made me fall so far for her. Even now she was protecting the people she loved. Maybe it wasn't me she stayed for... as much as that made me ache; I knew it was for the best. She stayed for #Luna... worried that her past as a deserter from her conclave might turn the grounders against her.

Selfless. That is what Raven is. Was it possible to not love her once you know the truth of her? Even for the black-hearted, like, it seemed not.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴍᴏɴᴛʏ ɢʀᴇᴇɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

The conversation I was listening to was blowing my mind. There was too much information laid out on the table. #Jaha... How? Why? And even worse... who was in there with him? How many of our people agreed to this? Our sole purpose all ourselves was to preserve the human race... not pick and choose who gets to live and die.

All eyes were on the Raven I momentarily felt pity for her... so much weight lay on her shoulders. But only a moment because this was Raven Reyes... and she didn't need or want anyone's people.

"Okay... I know that need to get into the bunker. But we need to know what the hell is happening with radiation levels before we can make a plan about opening any doors. We need detailed imaging. We might not even make it to Polis if we left yesterday."

At least Raven was agreeing with me on this. I pulled up a map of the island and held it out for her to see. "Becca stiletto tower here... If there are any left in orbit that are functional, we can turn them and get real data... real predictions of the Death Wave and the weather patterns feeding it."

•- Raven -•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴄʟᴀʀᴋᴇ ɢʀɪꜰꜰɪɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

If we needed to talk about how shit could hit the fan, Now was the time. #Octavia had told us about the mess #Jaha had made back in Polis, after #Bellamy and I had left to bring the fuel here to the island. Even if I should have guessed things weren’t going to plan when we had been attacked on the way here. However, there was a part of Rey that had washed off on me since being here on the island. That girl saw the good in everyone, even those who didn’t deserve to have her on their side.

There was something going on here on the island too, I wasn’t sure exactly what right now, but the vibes between the others had been off. My mom needed my help, and I wasn’t leaving her side. Not when the man she was in love with was still lying on a bio bed in coma. So, it was up to the rest of the team to pick up and run with whatever the next plan would be.

“With the information Rey and #Monty have given us, we need to think fast on our feet. What options do we have? If we try to make it back to Polis, if Rey is able to get those doors open, if the grounders don’t think we all betrayed them. Then maybe we have a forty percent chance—”

‘More like nine percent chance.’ Rey had cut me off.

“Okay… NINE percent chance of coming out of this alive?”

‘We’ve won on less before.’ She stood bent over her workstation as she spoke with #Monty pointing to the screen before her.

“What are you both looking for now?” I asked clicking my tongue at them. “We need your full attention guys.” I was frowning at them.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʀᴀᴠᴇɴ ʀᴇʏᴇꜱ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I rolled my eyes at Griffin and her comment. “When have you known me not to pay attention? I can do multiple tasks all at the same time you know.”

‘I swear Rey if you tell me about how you are the youngest Zero-G mechanic again.’ #Clarke was frowning; however, I knew there was no malice in her voice.

“It’s a true fact, but no that’s not what Green and I were talking about.” I tapped the keys on the board and pushed the imaged to the big screens on the wall.

‘What are we looking for?’ #Bellamy and #Jasper stepped up towards the screen while #Monty highlighted the area on the image that couldn’t be seen if you didn’t know what you were looking for.

“There is something coming closer, and orbiting in Earth’s atmosphere.” I held my hand up. “Before you ask me what it is, or what it could be. This is the best image we have been able to find.”

‘So, how do we find out more?’ #Jasper asked.

‘Really, come on guys. We have bigger issues here.’ #Clarke threw her hands up into the air.

I replied to #Clarke first. “Like I said, multitasking here.” And then to #Jasper. “We are working on it.”

‘I think the Radio masts and the satellite tower at the far end of the island is facing wrong or is out of sync. The more we are trying to clear the image, the grainier it is getting.’ #Monty was right, and I nodded my head.

“Listen, Griff is right, we need to work out what to do next. So, leave the tower to me, and you all work on Plan…. Well whatever number we are on.” I pushed back from the workstation and got to my feet. “If you need me, I’ll be on the radio.”

#Octaiva didn’t look so happy about it, but she understood that we had to divide and conquer.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʟᴜɴᴀ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ʟᴇᴠᴇʟ ᴛᴇɴ

“Taim jos emo ai op chit Ai Ai op.” ( If only they could see what I see. ) I sat with my legs crossed under me beside John Murphy’s bed. The words were like a never-ending loop in my mind, even when I was trying to clear my thoughts and to meditate.

“Ai na nou hon daun emo der, emo souda ai op em gon mowas.” ( I cannot take them there; they must see it for themselves. ) And with that I let out a deep sigh. I wasn’t going to be able to continue, and the sounds of footsteps coming up from behind had me up and whirling around to face the person.

‘Krei, Disha weron Oso fig au bos haiplana kom Floukru, kom Disha Skaikru chon dula op nou set klinhir!’ ( So, this is where we find the great queen of Floukru, with these sky people, who do not belong here! )

He was one of the Trikru ( woods clansmen ), tall stature, scars covering his face like those that were covering my body too. He had been through years of fighting, and I was sure that he would know where each one came from.

“Bak op gon bilaik bag.” ( Go back to your bed ), I told him with a steady voice. “Ai nou gaf in gon gon daun Yu.” ( I do not want to fight you. ) However, the curl of his lip told me that he didn’t really know what I was capable of.

‘Ena, Ai gaf in gon gon daun kom Yu. Yu gaf gon wan op. Ogeda kru heda ste audahir.’ ( Well, I want to fight with you. You need to die. All the clans leaders are gone. )

The way he spat the word heda ( leader ) out, I could tell he wanted to spit in my face.

‘Yu dula op nou gran in gon kik!’ ( You do not deserve to live! ) He took another step forward, and this time as he turned his body into me, I could see a scalpel in his hand.

I stepped back on my heel, reaching out to grab a hold of his hand I twisted it up and back with a sharp tug to his elbow joint. The sound of his grunting told me that I had dislocated the bone, and as much as I didn’t want to cause him harm, he was the one who pushed me into it. I flipped his tall, lean body back and then forward until he was flying over my bent body, and he hit the ground with a deep crashing thud.

“Ai don biyo, Ai nou gaf in gon gon daun!” ( I said, I do not want to fight! ) I told him with an even tone.

‘Natrona!’ ( Traitor! ) he grunted, holding his arm, looking up at me as I held the blade to his throat.

“Chof gon sein chit Ai get in” ( Thanks for saying what I know. ) I let go of him and saw him moving to come at me again.

‘Em pleni!’ ( Enough! ) the voice came from the door now open wide behind us. #Octaiva stood with the look of death and anger on her face.

‘Luna kom Floukru ste ona Ai shilnes!’ ( Luna of Floukru is under my protection. ) She waved her hand in dismissal of the man and reached a hand out towards me.

‘Ai laik fiya Luna.’ ( I am sorry Luna ) she said, ‘Disha na nou na gon daun nodotaim.’ ( This will never happen again. ) Her eyes pointedly looking at all the people in the med lab with us.

I took her hand and stood before her. The young girl had taken on the role of leader, and I could see that her evolution into that role was coming alive before my eyes.

‘Kom op, Oso gaf gon chichplei’ ( Come, we need to talk. ) #Octavia pointed to the room where John lay sleeping.

Once inside she told me and the others of everything that took place upstairs.

“Guk op Ai yuj!” ( Give me strength! ) I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

Without the nightblood experiment we only had one thing left, and that was to return to polis and take shelter in the bunker for five years until the radiation was gone. And now we didn’t have the time? And they were all working on the next plan? Where there any plans left at all?

•- John -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴊᴏʜɴ ᴍᴜʀᴘʜʏ'ꜱ ᴅʀᴇᴀᴍꜱ

The painkillers were finally wearing off… or at least that was how it felt. It must have been a long time since I was even semi-conscious because there wasn’t a sound in the med clinic. Was I still on level ten? If the meds were wearing off, why wasn’t I hurting?

My eyes peeled open against the glaring light… I tilted my eyes to where I knew Raven had last been sitting. The chair was empty… there was no sign of the Zen Master either. I turned to look around the clinic. Nausea roiled in my stomach but there was nothing to come up. “Fuuuuck” I croaked the word with a parched throat… but yet I was thirsty… fucking drugs!

Nothing… no one. All the previously filled beds were empty… but neatly made up like they’d never been used. No machines beeped, no voices, or footsteps…. Not even far off ones.

“This can’t be good. I tried to sit up, but nothing happened.

“Hello!” I called out meekly. I cleared my throat again and shouted louder. “Anyone here? HELLO!!!”

This couldn’t be good… Was Raven, okay? Luna?... Emori? Where… Had they left me here? Had they packed up and gone and figured I was too damaged for the journey? Was I alone on this fucking island again?

•- Marcus -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴋᴀɴᴇ’s ᴍɪɴᴅ

One can easily get lost when stuck between life and death; stuck in time. Everything is so confusing; and every time when I feel like I am puzzling things together, understanding this ‘time loop’, I get lost again,

I haven’t been here for long , but certainly I haven’t heard a voice that wasn’t from a living person, except for #Aurora, which was very dead person. Therefore, when Murphy calls, but his body is motionless in the yard, somehow, I fear the worst.

“John?” I ask cautiously and in a low tone just in case I am going paranoid. If he can’t listen to me, then at least no one was watching me making a fool of myself. “John Murphy, can you hear me?”

At this point, I have entered the room and I was standing just a few feet away from where he was.

•- Raven -•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴄʟᴀʀᴋᴇ ɢʀɪꜰꜰɪɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ʟᴇᴠᴇʟ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ

I was leaning over the back of #Monty’s stool as were #Jasper and #Bellamy.

‘What do you think it is?’ Bellamy asked the question I was certain was on all our minds.

‘I don’t know. It’s why we need the satellite tower up and running again.’ #Monty answered, however he still tried to zoom into the image on the screen.

‘Could it be another Station?’ #Jasper was the one to ask this time.

“No, they all made their way down. Or were destroyed over time.” I told him.

‘How do we know? It’s not like the council are known for telling us all the truth.’ His brown eyes were glued on the screen, like the rest of us.

“Jasper, let’s just wait for Rey to do her thing.” The moment the words were out, the screen changed before us. “What’s going on now?” I asked as Monty franticly started to key in some commands.

‘Looks like Rey did it again.’ #Bellamy chuckled. ‘Not that I had any doubts.’

“Hells!” I couldn’t believe what it was we were seeing before our eyes.

‘No…’ #Bellamy whistled under his breath.

‘It can’t be…’ #Jasper moved closer to the screen now.

“Monty?” I placed my hand on his shoulder and squeezed it to bring him out of the trance he seemed to be lost within.

‘It’s a ship… It’s not moving, but… It’s a ship…’ He finally said out loud what we all could see on the large screens before us.

However, the true questions were still unanswered. Who was in there and were they coming down here?

•- John -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ʟᴇᴠᴇʟ ᴛᴇɴ

My name was the only sound that rang through the hospital wing. I tried again to sit up, grasping the rails on the sides of the bed. I braced for the pain to shoot up my arm... but there was nothing. I looked down; it was still bandaged up.

But there was still no pain.

I looked around again... with an upright view of the medical floor... Which was spinning. I screwed my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose, careful of... The IV in my other arm was gone too? What the hell? I looked around again. Why had I sat up? Oh, right! Someone had called my name. Who... The thought was cut off when Marcus Kane walked into the room. There wasn't so much as a mark on him.

Did they leave him here too? There was no way Abby would abandon him.

"Marcus , what's going on? Did the others leave us here?" That was just the first of about a million questions I wanted to ask.

•- Marcus -•

I thought I was dreaming; hallucinating again.

“You can see me?” I asked and it sounded stupid. If he was talking to me obviously, he could see me, hear me… Does it mean I was no longer alone? Did he— I don’t really want to think about it.

Still, I was answered back by someone I knew it was alive— or was supposed to be. John wasn’t like Aurora, his aura seemed different, like mine. He also didn’t know what this place was, therefore, I approached him.

“No. they are still here. Can’t you see them?” I asked because for me I could see him and hear the others. It’s when I realised, I was walking between the thick line of life and death, sensing the darkness of the dead. But John? If he didn’t have the same perspective, I had no idea what that could possibly mean?

“Murphy, maybe you should remain where you are as I try to explain what is happening.” I said approaching him again with my hands lifted before my body.

•- John -•

My brows pinched together... "Of course, I can see you." I blinked against the too-bright room. The coma must have fried his brain. I watched how he approached me... and that was when it all hit me. FUCK!!!

I was dead... we were both dead... and my hell... was being stuck here with him.

"Shit!!" I dragged my hands through my hair... "I died, didn't I? I died and my punishment is to spend eternity here with you!" Doing the exact opposite of what he'd suggested I threw my leg over the side of the bed.

"Where are they? Where's Raven?" The movement had me dizzy so instead of jumping to my feet and shouted out for them.

"Raven!! Luna!"

•- Marcus -•

My first reaction was stare while folding my arms. Eyes never leaving John’s sight as he claims my presence to be his purgatory. Seriously? Then he freaked out, which I was hoping he would not; he did anyway, so I took a deep breath unfolding my arms. Both of my hands were lifted up towards him in an attempt to calm Murphy down as I approached him.

“Can you stop screaming? They cannot hear us. I have tried—” I said. My look was still directed to John. “— I have tried far too many times.”

Lowering my hands, one rest over John’s shoulder. I could not touch him, but I could feel Aurora. What is happening to him? Instinctively I pulled my hand away, looking at him.

“You are not dead, Murphy! Neither am I.” I say at least but there is a huge, confused expression stamped on my face.

•- John -•

This man was bat shit fucking crazy… My hands balled up into fists when he reached out to me. His hand passed right through me before he pulled it back. That was when all hell broke loose inside my head. I scramble back away from him, hands and heels digging into the thin mattress as a pushed myself back across the bed until I tumbled right off of the other side of it and hit the floor with a string of curses… but pain. Nothing…. I didn’t even feel the cold tiles on my bare arse.

When I stood back to give the Ghost-Of-Chancellor-Past another impressive string of swear words The empty med bay was transformed from the pristine, crisp white, too-bright room to the chaotic mess it had been when I was semi-conscious. The memory of Raven holding the reaper stick to my throat with all that pain in her eyes flashed in my head. And the bed I had fallen out of wasn’t empty. I was in it and she was here… she looked like the whole world had come crashing down around her and #Luna looked… ruffled… it was the only word I could use to describe it. The Zen Master was never mad but she was definitely a lot less zen.

I looked over my messed up sickly pale form in the bed… my leg was up… they must he cut me out of my clothes and put in in the weird paper dress things. Hence the bare arse. There was no need to call their name. From the way, their eyes move to my… body. I felt like I was going to vomit at the thought… did ghosts have stomachs?

I looked up at Kane again. “What the actual fuck!?” I glared at him. “Talk.” I demanded.

•- Marcus -•

⠀ ╰  ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴋᴀɴᴇ’s ᴍɪɴᴅ

What the actual fuck is precisely how I feel now and then. Caught between the thin line of life and death — the seen and unseen — at least is how I manage to deal with. It gets easier with time; I was able to prove that myself. There is, however, an emptiness of not really belonging anywhere, like a distant memory.

A memory . . .

If I haven’t seen my body lying, there I would believe to be dead. With the exception of the fact, I wasn’t; but neither was Murphy. I had seen him, his body, and yet I could not touch him. He is here, but he is not. A phantom stuck in my own madness as it seems. Am I losing myself?

I refrain from walking towards the youngest. Even if I was indeed concerned as he bumps and falls cursing names I rather not think of. To keep myself from raising a hand towards him, I fold them in my back. John is clearly unstable, so I am. However, I cannot show him that. He is just a ‘child’.

“John” I said before sighing. My feet take me for a stroll around the room as I keep a safe distance from the other. Then I stop and stare him in the eyes, allowing the bed stay between us. “Look at me. You are not dead, I am not dead.”

At this point my hand are moving as I speak, empathising the words that slip out of my mouth.

      “John, I can try to help you. I have been here for what seems like years; stuck in my own mind. In this unexplainable parallel of life. As if I were stuck to a mirror, watching everyone unfold their doings. Is madness. Still, I can only help  you if you allow me to. Help adjust if that is what it takes. I need to know… What do you see in this room? Who else do you see?”

I saw Aurora once. I could see the others around us. But could Murphy see them too?

TBC....

[oktorpg]

When the Heart Feels Lost - Rey Solo

〄 ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ ꜰᴇᴇʟꜱ ʟᴏꜱᴛ

╰ ᴸᵒᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ: 𝘽𝙚𝙘𝙘𝙖'𝙨 𝙄𝙨𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙙

╰ ˢᵗᵒʳʸ ᴵⁿᶜˡᵘᵈⁱⁿᵍ: 『 #Luna 』

╰ ᵀⁱᵐᵉ ᶠʳᵃᵐᵉ: ᴰᵘʳⁱⁿᵍ ᴾʰᵃˢᵉ ⁵

The night air was growing warmer, as I lay here in the tall grass at the back of the mansion, my jacket lay under my head rolled into a pillow. There was so much happening, with no time to spare, I felt the need to free myself from the madness, even if it were for only a few minutes.

The hum of the night had died a few days ago, it was like the animals on the island had known what was coming and had given up before they saw it with their own eyes. But then again, with the black rain poisoning the waters, and killing anything that couldn’t hide, this island was starting to feel like a graveyard filled with all those innocent souls.

‘Hir Yu fou daun, ai don ste trana gon fig au Yu!’ ( Here you are, I was trying to find you! ) #Luna had snuck up on me, not that I was trying hard to hide from her or anyone else.

“Just needed some time to think.” I told her without moving. I had taken my brace off and set it to the side, my body was too tired to even attempt to move.

‘Dula op Yu gaf in Ai gon gyon au?’ ( Do you want me to go? ) She stood over me, her messy dark curly hair blocking out the view to the stars beyond.

“Nou, Ste kamp raun ai hir, taim Yu gaf in. ” ( No, stay with me here, if you want ) I told her.

She smiled taking off her jacket and taking the spot beside me, telling me she was glad to hear my trig was growing and getting better. It was all thanks to her and John. The two of them had been helping me learn since we came to the Island.

I pushed the thoughts of him away because nothing good would come of them. And of course, the #ZenMasters eyes missed nothing.

‘How long will you make him pay for his mistake? It isn’t like we have all the time.’ She mirrored me looking up at the sky. She knew it gave me peace to see the stars.

“I don’t know. It’s not a switch I can turn on and off Luna.” I couldn’t and wouldn’t lie to her. We had a clear-cut relationship. We didn’t hide from one another.

‘You know…’ She begun. ‘Once I thought I had the world in my hands. That I knew where my path would take me. That I knew all the answers, and that I could stay mad with those I loved because we had time…’ Her voice was sombre. ‘But then in a blink of an eye they were all gone. Their blood flowed freely, and I was left behind… the last one standing. A person who now has no people of her own.’

“You have me….” However, I knew too well what she was trying to say. I turned to look in her direction for a moment before my gaze returned to the sky. “It’s not the same Luna. It’s not like they didn’t love you back… Me… Anyone I love and care for…” I shook my head and cleared the lump building in my throat because it became hard to continue.

She waited; not pushing me. “Have you ever loved someone so much, that no matter what they do to you, how much they hurt you… You smile and take it?” My eyes burned as tears I promised I would never cry again rolled down the side of my eyes and into my hair.

“There has to be a moment, a cut so deep that you say Enough. If I take another hit so hard. I won’t survive another beat of my broken heart.” My voice cracked at the last word.

We lay in silence looked up at the dark star filled sky. Words lost in the moment until I felt her squeeze my hand, I wasn’t even sure when she had found it laying between the two of us on the ground. Her fingers roamed to the point of my healed scars on my wrist and then her fingers stayed there.

‘You won’t ever give up on love, Ai Stisis ( Little Sister ). Your heart is too big, your faith in people too deep, and your want to protect is unfathomable. No matter how much they hurt you, no matter the tears that run down your cheeks. You will find your way back to that peace in your heart. You will let them back in, and you will lay yourself over the boom stick just so they can live.’

I closed my eyes, needing the darkness to swallow me up because I knew she was correct. No matter how much my heart had been ripped open by those I cared for. I never deviated from the end goal. To protect them.

“It makes me a fool, doesn’t it? My mom, Finn… and now here… I…” I wasn’t even sure what it was that it made me.

‘They thought they were doing the right thing.’ #Luna turned her head; I could feel her eyes on me now. ‘Can we hold it against them?’

“So, I just act like nothing happened? I shrug it off and say Hey, sure… it’s all in a day’s work. And just pretend like I always have that I am unphased.”

‘Taim Lufa au tiya Yo en, Hodnes nou laik kwelnes, em ste yuj.’ ( Look around yourself, Love is not a weakness. It is strength. ) She was sitting up and glancing down at me when I finally opened my red rimmed eyes. ‘Em don Yu. Yu!’ ( And it made you. You! )

“However, I am not someone I would wish on another. No one should feel the way I do. I sometimes wish I was more like Clarke, Bells or even Jo… Murphy.”

‘Taim bilaik tombom lin don drop of, chek au gon blinkas. Bilaik rein keryon kik raun…’ ( When your heart feels lost, look to the eyes. That is the place the soul lives... )

And as those words sunk into my heart, I closed my eyes from the night sky and a flash of baby blue made its way to my forethought.

[oktorpg]

Betrayal – Phase 5 – Master Storyline for OKTO - Part One

〄 ᴘʜᴀꜱᴇ5

❝ 𝗕𝗲𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘆𝗮𝗹 ❞

╰ �� ᴛᴀʟᴇ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ100 ᴏʜᴀɴᴀ ᴀᴛ: #OKTO

❝ 𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘺𝘢𝘭, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵. ❞ ― 𝙎𝙪𝙯𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙚 𝘾𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙨

ᴸᵒᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ: 𝘽𝙚𝙘𝙘𝙖'𝙨 𝙄𝙨𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙙 ( 𝙇𝙖𝙗 )

𝘞𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘊𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘴:

ᴊᴏʜɴ ᴍᴜʀᴘʜʏ – @ᴛᴏʟᴅᴜɪᴅꜱᴜʀᴠɪᴠᴇ

ʀᴀᴠᴇɴ ʀᴇʏᴇꜱ ( ʀᴇʏ ) - @ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ_ʙɪʀᴅʀᴇʏ / @ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇʙɪʀᴅʀᴇʏ

ᴀʙʙʏ ɢʀɪꜰꜰɪɴ - @ᴍᴏʀᴏꜱᴇᴅᴏᴄᴛᴏʀ

ᴍᴀʀᴄᴜꜱ ᴋᴀɴᴇ - @ᴀᴛʀᴜᴇᴄʜᴀɴᴄᴇʟʟᴏʀ

ᴊᴀꜱᴘᴇʀ ᴊᴏʀᴅᴏɴ - @ᴛʀᴏᴜʙʟᴇᴅᴘꜱʏᴄʜᴇ_

ᴇᴍᴏʀɪ - @ᴍᴜᴛᴀᴛᴇᴅᴘɪʟᴏᴛ

•- Rey -•

‘Why does it hurt so deeply?’ I ask myself. My mind a whirlpool of thoughts all of which come back to one word…. 𝘽𝙚𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙮𝙖𝙡!

Hours had passed, the tension in the lab was palpable and there was no denying that people were on edge once again.

“The Hells! Are we really going to do this?”

I finally spoke through gritted teeth. Since returning from the docks, where I had found John, Emori and Jasper trying to escape the island on their own. I hadn’t wanted to look them in their eyes. The sharp stab could still be felt in my back from the betrayal of what they had planned to do.

Sure, they said that the strategy had been for John to take Emori away from here. To save her from becoming the so called next, ‘test subject’ for the nightblood trials. They said they had no plans on abandoning the rest of us here when there was only one boat.

They had asked #Luna and me to join them too. To which #Luna had agreed. But I couldn’t do it. Leaving my dysfunctional family behind? No! Never! We are 𝙊𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙖!

What does that one word mean? Ohana means family. And 𝙁𝙖𝙢𝙞𝙡𝙮 means no one gets left behind or forgotten!

I wasn’t even sure what it was that changed their mind. The words I spoke, or the knowledge of Marcus injecting himself which brought them all back to the lab.

Marcus… Oh boy the Chancellor had a lot to answer for. A combination of daggered looks he was receiving from Abby, since he arrived on the Island. To the cold shoulder I witnessed when the elevator doors opened up on our return. The tension in the lab could be cut with a blunt knife and still cause major damage.

With the time we had to wait for Marcus’s blood to change. I had taken the opportunity to explain the Ice Bath, the brain reboot, and all I had achieved down on level ten. Abby had been hesitant at first. Even if she wanted to kill Marcus and then bring him back to life. And then kill him again. She wasn’t willing at first to attempt the fix.

#Clarke was the one who at last talked Abby into stepping into the tank of ice. And when Abby fell out. She like me a fighter to her core, conquered what the Bitch in the Red Dress had done to us. The migraines, hallucinations, the dread of knowing her time was coming to an end was gone.

Now as I stood here, gazing over the main floor of the underground lab. Watching #Harper, her eyes looking at #Luna, Jasper, Emori and John with suspicion. I could tell she didn’t buy the lie I told her about why we all had gone to the dock, to drop off supplies.

#Jackson, moved around Abby and Marcus quietly. Helping where possible to ready the Chancellor for the radiation chamber he sat upon.

#Nate, #Clarke, and #Bellamy, stood with their arms crossed. With looks in their eyes which could have a million reasons hidden behind them. And not one would be viable, but it wouldn’t stop me from finding a solution, and #Monty wouldn’t back down from the challenge with me.

But right now, of course there wasn’t the time for anything else. We all stood watching Marcus, he was sat up on the bed of the radiation chamber, his face wasn’t his own, something didn’t feel right. This didn’t feel right. Something I had told them over and over. And now I had nothing more to say. Marcus was adamant, he was seeing this god damned experiment through to its end. And we were to witness it.

Rubbing my face, I stepped back into the stool. I couldn’t stand for this. “I guess, I’ll take my Kane medium rare!”

•- John -•

I had stayed close to Emori since we got back to the lab, even though I knew she was safe for now. There was still a chance she’d run and if she did… I wouldn’t let her do it alone. But at this moment, our best chance was for this to work on Marcus.

And not only that; I knew I needed to stay away from Rey… She… I…

I didn’t know why or where it came from, but I knew I needed to keep clear of her for her own good. She didn’t need me anymore, she fixed herself… she had #Luna and the others.

She couldn’t stand the sight of me right now, even though that thought made me sick to my stomach, I knew this was for the best.

We all stopped whatever inconsequential conversations or tasks we had occupied ourselves with waiting for this moment and stood around the radiation chamber. Right now, my eyes were on Abby more than anyone. She had cured herself using Raven’s crazy yet clearly, effective technique. They were both still weak from practically freezing themselves to death. I could tell they were still feeling it despite the hours that had passed.

My stomach heaved at the thought of Raven in that tank of ice water as Abby had been. I don’t think anyone in the lab could have stopped me from pulling her out. I shook the thought away, unintentionally shaking my head. I couldn’t think about that right now.

Marcus was sat on the padded bed of the chamber, ready and willing to go to his death in the name of science and saving the world with a crazy plot to turn us all into black blooded commanders.

Abby… the woman that trusted me with something as important as Raven’s life; was about to lose another man she loved to idiocy and martyrdom. This could break her… then we were all fucked.

My eye finally pulled to Raven when she spoke… that dark humour that she used as a shield surfaced once again and I watched #Luna snake and arm around her shoulders, she should not through this alone. I was glad she had #Luna to care for her.

•- Emori -•

My skin itched as I stood beside John. Everything inside my body screamed for me to run and run now. Yet the guilt that twisted my gut when Raven found us at the boat tore at me in another way. The way she looked at me and said that I didn’t have faith in her. That’s where she was wrong. I did. I just don’t have faith that the others wouldn’t. The way Abby loved Clarke and the others I wouldn’t be safe if things with badly with Kane. Raven’s joke caused me to look at John and Jasper. Unable to help myself, words slipped past my lips.

“It’s all fun and games until its ding fries are up.”

•- Abby -•

My brain felt better. I had Raven to thank for that. Thinking seemed to be easier. But I didn’t feel like life was now sunshine and butterflies. How could I? When Marcus was a fool. Now it was time to start the test. I had to find a way to do what I promised if I failed to fix the serum. Steeling my nerves, I look at the idiot that sat waiting for death. I was about to tell him it was time until I hear jokes about his impending death. Whipping my head towards Raven and Emori, I glare.

“As much as I love a good gallows humour, this is neither the time nor place for it. If you need to joke about this get the hell out of here.”

I turn back to look at Marcus and nod.

“You ready?”

•- Rey -•

Raising my eyebrow, I glanced over to Emori. She had balls, for someone who was scared of death by the hands of everyone in here and then jumping in on my death wish? My head jerked back to Abby at her threat and lack of anything. I scoffed crossing my arms over my chest.

“He is the one with the death wish, and the fact that you think this is humour … That says a lot too. This…” I pointed to myself. “What I am saying… is the only way to make sure I don’t pick that I.V stand up and smash the hell out of that oven you and #Jax call a radiation chamber.”

My voice was clipped. She really was going to act like this? If so, I wasn’t one to back down. I knew tension was high, but I was done with all of this. I shifted to stand from the stool; but #Luna’s hand kept me in place. Even if my feet were telling me to walk away. I didn’t need to witness this, none of us did.

‘Rey…’ #Clarkes voice was a warning as she and then #Bellamy moved to block my path to the chamber Marcus sat on.

“Oh please… If I were going to do something that stupid, do you really think I would announce it to the room first?” They all got the mother of all eye rolls.

•- Marcus -•

Can one betray their own flesh and blood?

Some people really do, but not me.

Heaviness would weigh on my chest from the moment I knew I was ready for the tests. I have decided not to accompany the treatment on Abigail’s mind, no, there was enough stress inhabiting my being already, in the other hand, I really had something in mind. As the rest of them would cater for Raven’s experiment, I stayed in the lab writing something for the team, a farewell. The words simply flowing as the note goes as follows:

History had promised a better future by allowing us to learn from our mistakes. We were so wrong about being able to be coming back to earth after so many years of humanity space run experience. The world we wrote about in the books – it no longer exists.

But we do. We made it so far, surviving each day by betraying our own kind – our own blood. I regret the vote I had called ‘yes’ back on the Ark. I regret the blood unnecessarily spilled. I regret the pain and the life most of you never got a chance to cherish. I regret most of my choices, but this one I do not. I need you to understand this went beyond duties or maturity. I had to do this for myself. There is no one to blame.

I look back at the small family we have worked on building, and I am proud of you and all I ask of forgiveness. May you be able to look at each other, to take care and be strong. In the end, we are all we have left.

Abigail Griffin, I now speak to you. If you are reading this, then I should be gone. And I am sorry I could not keep my promise. Abby, I tried. I had to do this, and you know why. You would have done the same for her ( (by her I meant Clarke, but there was no need to say her name as no one knew about Octavia.) And I beg you to watch over them, the next generation. I love you and I passed with thoughts of you. I am sorry I could not be a better man for the incredible woman you are. Try again, Abby. You can do this serum work. I trust you.

Be Brave,

-Kane

I fold the letter stating that it should only be opened after my death, so I hope it would never be read. To hold my frustration and fear over a piece of paper made the thought of death ways more bearable. I left it over the lab’s desk, trusting someone would find it.

Once reunited with the team, I kept my head high. There was no need to face the consequences of your choices, so I betrayed my instincts of running away. Instead, I got inside the chamber and my features were void of any emotion. It was an exquisite sensation to be watched like this, a guinea pig. They were there watching me, their bodies forming a semicircle, just like a funeral – which is a very ironic way to picture this moment. The jokes rather bitter escaping from Raven’s lips. I heard the voice, but my eyes were on Abby’s now. Then someone else spoke and I finally hear the doctor’s voice, asking if I was ready.

“I am. Do it, Abby,” I say closing my eyes.

‘It is the cause, not the death, that makes the martyr’, I remind myself of the infamous quote of Napoleon Bonaparte.

I was no 𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒚𝒓, I was just protecting my 𝒇𝒂𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒚.

•- John -•

Raven’s words about smashing the radiation chamber resonated… I had mentioned it as an impossible answer to the question of keeping Emori safe. Even in the abstract, Raven was horrified by the thought and now she was joking about it. I swallowed hard, the dark humour spread to my friend and I squeezed Emori’s shoulder. She was good at hiding her fear… but I knew her well enough.

“Abi na pul disha of.” (Abby will succeed.) I lied, I hoped she would. I truly did. But human trials took years to perfect, not days.

There was a war inside me… I wanted to go to Raven and tell her everything was going to be okay too. Even if it was a lie. I wanted to tell her that I didn’t have the right words to describe how happy it made me that she wasn’t going to die. Even if she hated me for the rest of her life… at least she had more life left in front of her now. A chance to find some kind of peace or purpose beyond this shit show we currently called life. I wanted to drag her away from here to somewhere she couldn’t see this… or here the screaming that was no doubt going to start once they cranked up the heat.

But I couldn’t. It was better for me, to watch from the side-lines; better for her to be well away from me.

#Luna caught me watching Raven and gave me a small, weak smile before taking Raven’s hand and I looked away.

“Can we just do this thing already? Before the whole planet catches fire?” I huffed; after Marcus climbed in. #Jackson tapped the control panel and the glass of the chamber slid shut; a few mechanical clicks sounded as it sealed.

#Jackson’s face was grim as he turned to Abby. “The chamber is sealed. We’re ready to proceed.” His hand rested shakily on the dial as he waited for the instruction to proceed.

•- Rey -•

My heart stopped seeing #Jackson’s hand on the dial, I felt like there was a fist tightening around it to the point that even a slow beat wouldn’t bring me life. The walls were coming in on me and I couldn’t seen to fill my lungs with any air. I closed my eyes willing myself not to keel over. I had to control my fear. I had to be here, we were 𝒇𝒂𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒚, and I wasn’t going to turn my back now when we needed to stand together.

I knew I had to apologise to Abby. My temper had gotten the best of me. One moments flair up, and I had snapped at the woman who was like a mother not just to me, but to all of us. Why had I let myself react in such a way? What was wrong with me?

“Such a Fool!!”

Out of the side of my sight I saw some movement at the desks. Turning my head and eyes away from the view of Marcus and Abby. Raising my eyebrow when I saw #Monty, his attention on something in his hands. It looked much like the paper and letter John had left with #Harper to give me.

#Monty took the paper and pushed it into his pocket, his eyes darted over the room until he found my hazel eyes watching him. Shrugging his shoulders. He moved away from the desk and went to stand beside the others.

What was that? What was #MontyGreen hiding from us? Was it something to do with him? Or was it something to do with one of the others in here?

‘Are you okay?’ #Luna’s voice was low, when I glanced up at her, she’d taken my hand and squeezed it seeing her answer in my eyes. How could anyone be okay right now?

•- Jasper -•

I didn’t speak. I wasn’t sure I could. No words could get us out of the hole we had ourselves in. Little victories could only boost morale so much.

Rey and Abby saved from their brain melt had everyone releasing a sigh of relief, yet the tension still increased as the Chancellors test came closer.

My gaze flickered around the lab, #Jackson and Abby fiddling with equipment while everyone else stood in silence. That was until Raven and Emori released their dark humour. I let out a strangled chuckle, knowing it was their way of coping with what was about to happen. But I don’t think anyone knew how to cope.

Moving forward, I stood behind Emori, almost a subconscious decision as if I needed to pull her to safety should things end badly. Brown hues continue to flicker over each face, though I avoid #Harper. Her eyes are narrowed with suspicion at the group of us. I had no doubt she didn’t believe a word Raven said about our reason to be at the dock.

“I am. Do it, Abby.”

Marcus’s voice seemed steady, strong and I couldn’t take my gaze from #Jacksons hand on the dial. This was it. The moment of truth. Is this the last time we would have to test someone? I knew if it didn’t work, I’d be next. I would make sure I was next. Everyone else in this room was needed, had skills that would lead to their survival. It was the logical choice, though I doubt anyone would see it that way. That was a thought for another time.

My hands tighten into to fists as I wait and watch, holding my breath as we wait for the final moment.

•- Emori -•

I refuse to acknowledge Raven. She had every right to be upset at the world for all I cared. Just as I had every right to not trust the good doc not to make me her newest test subject. This was wrong. All of this was wrong.

Everyone in this lab was just standing there watching and waiting for a twist of a dial to see if a man would live or die. Not to mention what would happen if it failed.

I felt Jasper and John move closer as #Jackson lifted a hand, waiting for Abby to nod her approval before spinning it.

My whole life I learned to never show an ounce of fear. But at this moment it consumed me. Unable to help myself, I show that I do have a weakness and gently grasp Jasper’s hand.

•- Abby -•

“Gallow’s humor is never funny to those around the speaker, Raven, and seeing the situation at hand it is even more inappropriate.”

I look back to Marcus. Wishing that I had stop the idiot from doing this. I had enough blood on my hands and I didn’t want to add his to the list.

’…Do it, Abby.“

Those words rip my heart to shreds and I watch as Jackson follows him to the tank. How am I supposed to do this? #Jackson forever the person I could silently depend on stood with his hand on the dial, waiting for me to let him, if I let him do this, I could easily hate him and say whatever outcome wasn’t my fault. That /I/ didn’t do it to him. Yet I couldn’t do that to him.

I am the one breaking my oath by doing this I would be the one to turn it on. Stepping forward, I put one hand on the glass, tears filling my eyes, and the other to the control panel. There were so many words I wanted to say but they were caught in my throat. Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes—allowing the tears to slip down my cheeks— and start the machine.

•- Rey -•

‘𝙂𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬'𝙨 𝙝𝙪𝙢𝙤𝙪𝙧’ The definitions of which ‘𝘎𝘳𝘪𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘤 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯.’ Was this not truly the perfect situation for such a thing? When people found it hard to manage a moment in life that was out of their control, they found ways to deal and survive it.

But Hells! Who the Fuck gave a crap about humour, words, the bull shit that was known as 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 for any of us? Once again, we all stood on the precipice. And the only way out for us was to jump without knowing where we would land.

As the chamber glass closed, my heart started to sink. I wanted to beg them. Marcus, Abby even #Jackson not to go ahead with this. Seeing the tears rolling from Abby’s eyes, a woman who seemed to be breaking with every breath she was taking. My legs gave out from under me. Glad that I was still sat, because I knew I didn’t have the strength to be still.

‘Wich op’ ( Trust ) #Luna closed her eyes after saying just one word. However, her lips moved in a silent prayer. I didn’t know who she was sending those words to. But in this moment… I hope… I hoped something out there would hear her, listen and for once be on our side.

•- Marcus -•

It would be a lie if I say I was not terrified.

I drown into my darkness, because I would not be able to make it if I stand to watch Abigail crashing on the outside – one look and I would regret it all. Therefore, I kept my eyes shut as the freezing chamber would make me quiver. I had the electrodes over my chest, the bareness of it making it slightly difficult to ignore the gelid rigid metal where I was bonded to by belts. The heaviness on my chest making it hard to breathe as I remain put and motionless.

“Vital signs, normal,” #Clarke said.

Then I heard the machine as they turn it on. I could hear the sound in the back of my skull, an endless buzzing playing inside that capsule like a funeral symphony. If anyone to see the irony on this, the machine did assemble the casket of the books I used to read. The ones corpuses would be buried in the ground, was I an step closer to that.

“Initiating,” #Jackson’s voice muffed outside the glass. I was aware of everything they were doing. My mind forcing me to imagine their faces outside, especially when Jackson’s voice would be the only one, I could hear. No. I did not want to see them in my head. “500 rem.”

“Vital signs, 61 bpm,” the female said.

A knot forming on my throat, the chili sensation vaguely extinguishing my body. I could hear my heart, pacing steadily and the air escaping my lips as I breathe. A throb afflicting my forehead, behind my eyes.

“Going up to 850 rem. This is where we’d see symptoms in a non-nightblood,” the male voice rings on my ears again.

At this time, I was still conscious, but if felt harder to vent. A tingling sensation on the tip of my fingers. I felt weak. My body significantly falling hotter, as if I were standing under the sun. But I could not move. I felt my abdomen muscles writhing, as the pain in my head became harder to ignore.

“Vital signs, 100 bpm. No visible effects,” said #Clarke.

“1,000 rems. Clarke?”, #Jackson announces.

A knot formed in my throat, but I couldn’t swallow it; my stomach squirms. I could sense my heart pacing faster inside my chest, the air finding its weigh in with certain difficulty and my head, well, it felt as if I had someone tightening my skull, but so far, I could make it. I would make it. ‘Hold a little longer, Marcus,’ I mentally told myself. I was still here; I could still listen to them. I felt my body heating up. #Clarke was checking the signs; it was all under control. I could make it. No reason to give them the sign to stop it. Just a little more.

“Vital signs, 140 bpm. No visible effects, all good here.”

“Alright, 1,500 rems,” #Jackson kept going.

“Is it working?” Another voice would question, but I did not recognize it to whom it belonged to. I could not focus anymore; my head was killing me.

I could still hear the buzzing of the machine. My eyes remained closed during the whole process. The coldness on the chamber being replaced by hot temperature as my body seemed to be hotter at each swipe of that button on #Jackson’s hand. I felt sick and thirsty at the same time. The fluid in my body being replaced by heat. By this time, I could not move as if my body did not respond. My head pressuring pinching even more as my stomach seemed to be turning over. I could breathe, but I was stuck in place. The tingling in my hand now covered my members, the heart clearly beating faster.

‘NO. STOP,” I wished I could scream, but from the parted lips nothing came out. I WAS BURNING. Still, it was all good, right? #Clarke said it. She said it, right? RIGHT?

“2,000 rems. The level of the black rain. Clarke?!”

“He is stable. Not a visible sign. Body temperature, 98.4,” the girl said and there was a hidden joy within her words, “It’s working.”

It took it seconds, and I was down. Drown by the blackness of my senses, I was at a loss. I could no longer command my own body, my head exploding in pain, the burning consuming the mass inside my skull, the air escaping my lungs making it hard to breathe as each inhale would deteriorate the air-hole tubes. The bleeding of mucous membranes was a clear indicative of inhalation of hot gases. The veins in my body conducting lava as I could feel everything hurting. My jaw contracts, tightening my teeth one against the other.

“Copy that. Going 2,500 rems.”

Water blisters sprouting from the now burned in red skin. My face being painted in red as I could feel the stains take over my skin. The carcass burning, like knifes digging into the pores of my entire body. Exposed wounds ripping the flesh apart, exposing the hide to the radioactive atmosphere. I was burning alive. My corpses convulsing immediately, quivering from the effects of the radiation, I felt the blood coming out of my mouth, the body violently bucking inside the capsule. I could not turn to the side, the belt keeping me in the resting positioning. I was suffocating as my own black blood would trickle down the airways. Part of the dark blood was still being spit out of my lips, in the hollow organs of the abdomen, the pseudo-hemorrhages in the form of heat hematomas would still nurture the pain. It felt as is the organic matter of my body was embraced and being consumed as fuel by the invisible flames. The amount of pain experienced is greatest from inside out, as my nerves seems to be boiling.

“NO! Wait! WAIT! NO! NO! STOP!”

“TURN IT OFF!”

“TAKE HIM OUT OF THERE!” Voices.

It was left with the voices before the blank.

Silence and darkness.

The pain was gone.

- 𝐼'𝑚 𝑠𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑦,

𝑀𝑎𝑟𝑐𝑢𝑠 𝐾𝑎𝑛𝑒, 𝑔𝑜𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑜𝑓𝑓 𝑤𝑎𝑙𝑘𝑖𝑒.

•- Abby -•

There were no words that could describe the way I felt standing there. I wanted to see those dark eyes staring at me. But he kept them from my view. Jackson took over the control panel. While I just stood there hand still pressed against the glass. It was an agony to watch as each level grew. Having to wait to see if the next part of the test would be where both it and I failed. Just as hope blossomed within my chest, blisters started to bubble along his skin, dashing everything. My heart was gutted.

"NO! Turn it off!”

My eyes moved wildly across the room. I failed. Now I was standing there watching another man I loved die. Was this the universe’s way of making me pay for my actions that caused #Jake to be floated. Only this time I fought for him to live. I did everything I could and yet it wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t good enough. The moment it was cleared I spoke again.

“Get him out of there now!”

My voice broke. My heart broke. I stood there frozen as #ErikJackson and #Clarke took over. I couldn’t. My legs gave out on me. I didn’t feel my body connect with the floor. All I could focus on was him and his poisoned body. When I couldn’t see through my tears, I closed my eyes and wished it had been me instead.

•- Rey -•

I sat still, all words gone from my mouth and mind. My eyes didn’t move from the chamber Marcuse lay in, and I could see how he willed himself to stay put. I knew what he was doing, because in this moment I was transported back to the mountain, to the underground lab there, as people drilled into my body.

My hand moved over my hip where I knew the scar sat as a stark reminder of the agony, but more so of the stubbornness not to show them I was in pain, until I couldn’t take any more. That was him now. Marcus…. However, it wasn’t stubbornness with him. It was her… Not showing Abby what the pain was like? For Us? So that when the nightmares of this come to haunt us ( Which I have no doubt they will ), maybe seeing him holding his pain in will make those nights less painful for those of us who survive another few days?

‘𝙉𝙊! 𝙏𝙪𝙧𝙣 𝙞𝙩 𝙤𝙛𝙛!’ The words echoed in the silent lab with only the sounds coming from the radiation chamber. Bringing me out of the trance I had somehow stepped into.

“𝙂𝙚𝙩 𝙝𝙞𝙢 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙬!” Abby’s voice stung like daggers in my chest. When I moved, I saw I wasn’t the only one. We darted towards the chamber with Marcus inside. And it was all a blur for me. #Luna was faster off the mark, but even she couldn’t catch Abby as she hit the ground.

“𝙃𝙀𝙇𝙇𝙎! 𝘼𝘽𝘽𝙔! 𝙈𝘼𝙍𝘾𝙐𝙎!!!” my voice wasn’t my own as I pushed off the stool, and my body felt out of place as I tried to half run and half hop towards them too. Why had we done this? 𝙒𝙝𝙮?

•- John -•

My eyes barely left Rey… Only flicking to the chamber when her expression was too grave to stand. As I watched what happened to Kane my eyes then moved to Jasper. Is this what he saw when #Maya died? No wonder he was drinking himself into oblivion.

‘Wait!!’ #Jackson and #Monty both cried out at the same time. ‘It’s not safe yet!’ There was a flurry of movement and my arm shot out in front of Emori and Jasper. I hadn’t missed her grabbing his hand, and I didn’t want her getting closer to that machine. I knew it was a stupid thought, if they were going to use her it wouldn’t matter how close she was to the machine… #Luna and Rey shot forward but #Abby… the hole in my chest ached for her now too, as she dropped to the floor… too far for me to even try to catch her.

I bolted forward placing myself between Raven and the machine. In case she tried to yank it open before the radiation was vented and made herself sick… or worse. It was another stupid thought. We would all be affected if it was opened too soon. But all I cared about at that moment was her.

‘Go, go, go!’ #Monty shoved #Jackson away, to get to Marcus and he took over venting the radiation. In a matter of seconds, the chamber slid open with a hiss and #Jackson got to work.

‘He’s still alive!’ #Jackson called out but his face was dark. He injected the man with what I really hoped was pain killers. If he was alive…. Even this deathly still… he must be in agony. I stepped closer to the chamber the smell of burnt skin turned my stomach. ‘Breath sounds are shallow. Murphy, bring me the oxygen.’

Kane’s face and what could be seen of his hands and arms were almost completely black with blisters that oozed puss and black blood. ‘John!’ #Jackson yelled and I snapped out of it. I pulled the cart he had readied closer to the chamber. Then I placed the mask over Kane’s head and turned opened the valve on the tank.

•- Rey -•

The ripples of anger burst out of me. “𝙂𝙚𝙩 𝙊𝙪𝙩 𝙊𝙛 𝙈𝙮 𝙒𝘼𝙔!” I screamed.

My hands on his chest pushing and fighting to get past John. I needed him to move himself out of my way.

“We need to get him out… We need…” I wasn’t even sure what we needed, but then I didn’t even know where he’d come from. The Lab and all the people in it were a blur now. All I could see were Abby, Marcus, and that radiation chamber.

I stopped pushing him and rocked back on my feet at the smell that washed over and into my nose. The wretched smell of burned flesh made my stomach turn, making me feel like I was going to be sick. I stopped pushing John and stepped away from him as he disappeared, seeing #Clarke making a beeline for her mom. #Luna had Abby on her side as #Clarke checked her over.

‘Rey! Rey! Get the emergency bag… 𝙍𝙚𝙮!!’ She was half shouting to get my attention.

“Right… Right… I got it..” I half turned in the direction she was pointing. Seeing the bag on the trolley #Jackson and Abby would have set up for Marcus. My fingers curled around the handle and I heaved it off and over to #Clarke. “Crap…!” What in the name of Hells was going on here?

•- Jasper -•

I was silent, watching, observing. Sometimes that’s what you have to do in life. Not everyone can be the main character. With every increase #Jackson stated, my heart beat faster.

Emori’s hand was wrapped in mine, tight and safe. But for how long?

I watch in silent horror as the slow burn of colour spread across

Marcus’s skin, searing it like a few too many hours in the sun. But at each increase, #Clarke was assuring the room of its success.

My gaze never left the glass confinement, even at Murphy’s piercing gaze. I knew what he was thinking. Is this what happened to Maya? Down to a T, just this was like watching the effects on the people of Mt Weather in super slow motion.

Maybe it would work, as each symptom seemed to take longer before showing itself, though my self-doubt was shot out of the room when the first blister appeared. Then the chaos erupted. Abby screaming out, #Luna rushing to her side a little too late, #Monty and #Jackson turning the machine off, Murphy protecting the ones he cares for and me?

I pull Emori closer to me, hand still tight around hers as I position myself slightly in front of her, as if I could protect her from a sight she’d seen before. I held my breath, watching, waiting. Until I heard the one thing, we all needed to hear.

Ｈｅ＇ｓ ｓｔｉｌｌ ａｌｉｖｅ

•- Rey -•

‘He is crashing!’ #Jackson’s voice came from above us. ‘You need to get Abby out the way, you guys are blocking me!’ He was working as fast as he could.

The smell in the lab was suffocating, I could see #Clarke, #Harper, and #Luna were breathing through their mouths.

‘Right, this is Messed Up!’ #Bellamy’s voice roared in the Lab. ‘Nate, Harper! Go grab the Biobeds. We need them now.’ The two rushed away.

‘Monty, you keep making the chamber safe.’ Even with shaking hands #Monty did as he was told. ‘Clarke, Luna is she okay?’ He asked leaning down over us. His hand rested on #Clarke’s shoulder to reminder she wasn’t alone, and we were all here with her.

‘She.. She.. fainted’ #Clarke’s voice cracked.

‘We know Griffin, but can we move her?’ #Bellamy asked looking up as #Nate was the first back with a bed. And #Clarke nodded her head. ‘Okay the three of you move back.’ #Bellamy motioned to #Nate and then Abby was gone. #Luna and #Clarke were on their feet, then they helped to pull me up off the ground.

‘Erik, you have the space you need, now save him!’ #Bellamy had taken charge, making sure that everyone had what was needed to do their job.

They rolled Abby to the far side, Clarke gripping her mothers’ hand as they went.

And I was frozen to the spot again. Watching them lifting Marcus’s blistered body out of the chamber and setting him on a Biobed. My stomach churned and bile was rising to my throat seeing the oozing pus and black blood dripping out of Marcus’s orifices.

•- John -•

If Rey didn’t hate me already, she did now, because I was the one that stood between her and the chamber.

I saw Jasper step in to partially obscure Emori from the others… from the chamber.

#Jackson was setting up the defibrillator and #Bellamy was shouting orders; that I paid no attention to. I waited to hear from #Jackson what he needed. I pulled a pair of scissors from the cart at his side and ran the blade up the centre of Marcus’s shirt, so #Jackson could place the electrodes. He was covered in black and yellow blisters; the smell was stomach-churning. I clipped the pulse-oximeter onto his finger and the flat line sound bellowed through the room.

I pulled the oxygen mask away too, pure O2 and electricity didn’t mix well. Doc Lite nodded his approval.

‘Clear!!’ Jackson yelled even though no one was touching him. Kane’s chest arced violently off the table beneath him and I couldn’t help but jump back a step. ‘John, bag him!’ #Jackson said sharply… like I was supposed to know that on my own. He nodded the mask with the bag attached and I held it to Marcus face and squeezed it like I had been shown.

“Where the hell did #Clarke go!?!” I hadn’t seen her leave… She should be doing this, not me.

It took three more shocks before there was an independent blip on the monitor. But I barely had a chance to take a breath before - ‘Did Abby teach you how to find a vein?’ #Jax asked.

“Yeah… but…” I started.

‘Good.’ He cut me off. ‘Do it, we need to hang an I.V.’ He didn’t look up this time, he just went back to work.

I looked at the skin of his too pale, and at the same time, too black skin… how the fuck was I meant to find a vein in that mess? But I opened the plastic package of the cannula kit and took a breath. I tied the rubber strap around his arm and tapped the crook of his elbow, but the veins were barely hinted at under the only patch of unblistered skin. I angled the needle towards a vague blue line, Marcus never even flinched as the needle pierced, he skin; that flash of red… or in this case black, didn’t show in the needle like it had when I practised this with Abby, before she assigned me to Raven’s care. “Fuck!” I pulled it out.

“#Clarke should be doing this… I have no idea what I’m doing.” I said, #Jackson only said. ‘Try again.’ as he examined Kane’s larger burns and injuries.

•- Emori -•

I stood there watching it all play out in horror. The chamber’s door closing, the turning of the dial, the slow progression of the radiation that to eventually overtook the serum. Kane losing. Abby falling. John’s worry. I watched it all and I couldn’t help thinking that was my fate. My existence would be ended like that. My hand tightened around Jasper’s as he moved in front of me. It touched something inside of me that he was trying to protect me. But I also knew it was in vain. I felt conflicted at that moment. I wanted to prove that I was worth more than just a test subject and I genuinely cared about members of this group. At the same time, the urge to run was so great my body screamed with adrenaline.

“We need to help. Do something.”

I squeezed Jasper’s hand twice before going to help #Clarke and #Luna with Abby.

•- Jasper -•

Emori was right, but I didn’t move at first. I wasn’t sure what I could do and actually be helpful. Looking around, everyone was focused on something. #Clarke and #Luna were bustling around Abby, very quickly joined by Emori while #Jackson and John worked hard on the Chancellor. I could see the ever growing frustration on Murphy face and almost without a thought, I grab a cloth and make my way to his side.

“Murph. Stop.”

With the cloth in hand and strangely calm, I pick up Marcus arm and gently wipe away the black blood from the crook of his elbow. I step back, gesturing for Murphy to try again.

The sight and smell had me feeling numb. A familiarity settled like a blanket over my mind, sending shivers down my spine as memories bubble to the surface. I gulp down a breath before taking the cloth in hand and not knowing what else to do, I start cleaning the mess Marcus currently was, keeping away from the blisters scattered across his skin.

•- Rey -•

My head was pounding a new drum this time. I knew it had nothing to do with code, or my hallucinations, or even the eventuality of a brain melt on the horizon. This pain came from all which stood to unfold before us.

My feet moved me back away from them all. I had nothing to offer them in this situation. Ask me to build or create a Machine with nothing but my wits and I was your girl. But human biology, saving lives, this was their domain.

My eyes wondered over them all, I took in what was being said and shouted, I watched as they all worked together to help Marcus, and some were with Abby.

‘Jax you tell us what to do, what you need.’ #Bellamy looked over #Jacksons shoulder. There was a pained expression in his face, more so than what he ever had before.

My eyes took in the way he rubbed his hands together, trying to wipe the black blood from them onto his pants. Remembering that something had gone down between the two men before. And both of them had looked worried and concerned, and #Bellamy had looked angry somewhat towards Marcus. Is that what I saw in his eyes now? Anger mixed with a touch of guilt.

Jasper moved into the fray and then I heard his calming voice guiding John. They were working together. That was a good thing, right? Is that not what we had been working towards, before… well… before they planned on running?

•- John -•

I watched Emori follow the others, I didn’t like it… but the machine was here. I still didn’t believe I could trust their group mentality. Individually maybe, but if they came to a decision together; they would see it through. But right now, the machine was still occupied, so I could let her out of my sight. Right?

My eyes found Rey. The I.V. needle still clutched in my hand. I wondered if she was going into shock as she stood there, wide-eyed watching everything. But Jasper’s voice pulled my gaze and I saw him start to clean away the pus and black fluid on Marcus’s forearm. He was telling me to stop… but it wasn’t a yell or a demand… No… he was telling me to wait.

Then he was stepping aside and tending to other his wounds. I cracked my neck from side-to-side and took a breath. I did this before… with Abby talking me through it. I pressed my fingers deep into the soft flesh of Kane’s inner elbow and felt the path of the elusive veins. I angled the needle parallel to his skin and slid it slowly and firmly in. The flash of black filled the clear part of the cannula, I huffed a sigh of relief as I retracted the needle and taped it down.

After that, all I needed to do was connect the tubing and hang the bag… Only were we in the middle of the lab so there was nowhere to hang it. So, I just held it up to eye level and let gravity do its work.

•- Abby -•

My eyes slowly open, forcing me to look around the room. I see worry etched on #Clarke’s face along. Turning my head, I see it on the others that surrounded me. The lack of sleep and stress finally caught up to me causing me to pass out. I close my eyes once more before I speak.

“Kane?”

I needed to know but I dreaded it completely. The image of him when I screamed no filled my mind. When I open my eyes again and slowly start to sit up. When I managed it, my eyes lock on Marcus’s prone body. Needing to see him, I start to stand ignoring the protests of everyone, and move to where John was setting up an I.V. My knees almost gave out in relief. An I.V. means that he was still alive. But his body has so much damage to it and it broke my heart.

“How are his vitals?”

•- Rey -•

‘She’s awake!’ I heard the loud whisper from #Harper coming from the far side of the lab. I didn’t realise I had been holding my breath, but the smell of Marcus’s flesh, the shock of all that was unfolding before me had started to take a toll.

My head jolted to the side to glance over, but with #Luna, Emori, Nate and Clarke moving around her bio bed I didn’t have a clear view. It was then that I made out her voice. She was awake, and the first thing or person she worried about had been… Marcus. Of Course… Of course, even now Abby wouldn’t worry about herself.

‘𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘷𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘴?’ Her voice echoed over the other goings on.

‘It’s not looking good right now.’ #Jackson answered Abby’s question. ‘His respiratory rate is set at 5 breaths per minute, blood pressure is low at 90/60, his temperature is shooting up at 101, and pulse rate is dropping at 50 beats per minute. We need to stabilise him and Fast!’

Numbers, these were all numbers to me now. With my chip gone I was useless to them all. ‘Stop and think, you still have this?’ My internal voice told me. Okay, I had this before the chip, and I have it now. But I really didn’t. The best I could do was bear witness.

•- John -•

#Monty had pulled an IV stand in from the room we had kept raven in after her seizures and I hung the bag Just as Abby came back around. The worry was etched on her face as #Jackson filled her in. I squeezed the Doc’s shoulder… we all knew her, and Marcus were more than friends and colleagues. My bloodied scraped knuckles caught my eye and I immediately pulled my hand away.

I stepped back and left the doctors to take care of him. “I’ll get the biobed ready for when we can move him.” I nodded at #Monty and he followed me. When we got to the room we had effectively abandoned after Raven’s last 𝓝𝓪𝓹 as she called them.

I battled back the memories that hit when I came back here. The table still held a half-empty jar of chocolate and a few silver packets of crackers we hadn’t opened. I stomped down the sound of Rey and #Luna laughing that reared up in the back of my mind.

‘What’s going on between Jasper, and your grounder friend?’ #Monty asked as he helped me strip the bed. He had clearly noticed what I did when Kane was in the chamber.

“No idea… What’s up with Emori and your friend?” I asked plainly.

‘How –‘ #Monty wasn’t happy that I turned the table. ‘You know Jasper isn’t in a good place right now.’

“Exactly…” I gave him a look as I lowered the bed to lie flat and kicked off the break. “All the more reason to stay out of it; Emori’s lost people too… everyone, as a matter of fact. So, stay out of their way.”

I couldn’t read #Monty’s expression as we pushed the bed out of the room. My eyes were jumping wildly around the lab searching for Rey and Emori. Where the hell had they gone?

•- Emori -•

I watched Abby stand up and slowly move towards the fried shell that was Marcus. Her entire face was etched in pain at what she was seeing on the man she cared for. There was something beautiful in that look.

To love someone that much, that it physically caused you pain when they were hurt. It made me think about my life. I could honestly name a handful of people that cared about me and one of them died. I moved back to the corner, wanting to put as much space between the tank and myself.

•- Rey -•

#Harper had rushed out of the restroom, as soon as she saw that #Luna had me on my feet and out of the stall. The smell of my vomit still filled the air in the cold tiled room. The two girls had followed behind me when they saw my ashen face rushing away from the main lab. The scent of Marcus’s burning flesh had turned my stomach, and then when I knew that I wouldn’t be missed I was found bent over the toilet emptying my guts out.

The door opened as I splashed water on my face. #Harper had come back with a bottle of water and a packet in her hands. ‘I found some of these dry crackers in the break room. I’ve heard Jax tell others that they could help with the sickness?’

I watched #Luna giving her a smile in thanks, taking the small silver packet from her. And I took the bottle of water to wash out my mouth. “You girls should get out of here.” I tell them. “The smell in this place will take a moment to clean out.” The two make no attempts to move.

I needed time to clear my head. The questions I’d been asking still making themselves known in the moment; ‘Did I still believe? Did I still believe we were worth saving?’ I wasn’t sure right now, but it was something I needed to understand without the others finding out, that I was doubting myself and our dysfunctional family. When the sound of the radio in #Harpers pants started to echo with static.

The three of us all glanced down to the radio all at the same time. “Is someone out of the Lab?” I asked and #Harper shook her head.

‘No, I just left them all helping with Kane. They are trying to stabilise him enough to move him to the….’ She cut out before continuing. ‘Well, in the room you were in when you were….’ She rubbed her neck.

“When I was taking one of my night long 𝙣𝙖𝙥𝙨.” I asked, and she nodded her head. But the sound of the radio pulled our attention again and I held my hand out for it. #Harper didn’t question me before handing it over. I looked at the channels, it was set to the ones we used here on the island.

“It looks fine.” I pushed in the connections and then unsure why I started to turn the channels. 103, 104, 105, 106… The static turned into a voice.

‘Hello. Can anyone hear me?’ All our eyes widened. It was a voice we all knew so well.

“O? What the hell, Are you okay? Where are you? – Over” This radio didn’t have the long range as the main system we had set up to talk with Polis, so hearing her on a hand held was unexpected.

‘REY! Thank Hells Rey! Can you hear me? I’m here, I need help Rey. We were ambushed on the way here. I’m here on the edge of the water.- Over.’ her voice sounded, dry, tired, lost and about to give out.

“Here? Where Is here….” And then I heard it. “Ambushed? At the edge of the water? Crap! You are at the banks to the island?- Over.” #Harper took in a deep sharp breath, #Luna’s eyes didn’t leave the radio. The three of us had moved in closer. “Stay in the woods, don’t wait on the bank. I’m Coming for you. I’m coming O.. Just stay safe until I get there.” I told her where we had hidden the Rover so that she at least had somewhere to wait in case there was an issue.

‘Okay. We will. Come fast Rey.’ And she was gone.

“Hells…” I rubbed my wet face looking at the other two.

‘We need supplies, we need to take Jax with us, and we….’ This was the fighter in #Harper who came out in a crisis, she was so different to the girl whose eyes were red with tears at finding me on the floor.

“No… We can’t… Abby will need Jax to help with Marcus.” I countered.

“We can go, she said 𝙒𝙚, which means she’s not alone. We take water, food, and a med kit. When we get back on the island, we can call for help.” #Luna was making the plan as the three of us rushed out of the restroom. Each with a task on what to gather and meet at the elevators.

‘What about the boat?’ #Harper asked. And I knew it. None of us had real time with sailing the boat.

“We will work it out. I’ve done a little time on it when we went to fix the Rover.” I told her.

‘What about Emori or John? They could help?’ #Luna said coming to a stop.

“𝙉𝙤!” I exclaimed. “I… Can’t…” And I knew it was stupid. But I couldn’t deal with those three right now.

•- Jasper -•

As #Jackson, #Monty and John bustled around Marcus, I step back and out of their way. My fingers clench around the dirty cloth in my hand, skin stained black with the only hope we had.

Every breath in suddenly felt like I was suffocating, the room doused in the perfume of burnt flesh and blood. The haze lifted from my head and the events that just happened unfolding in my mind like a picture book. And with that I couldn’t breath. Wide eyes barely register the now mobile Abby passing by to see the chaos with her own eyes.

Brown hues dance quickly around the lab before the elevator doors come into view. I couldn’t stay in the room any longer. It’s not like I could be of any help now anyway. My feet move by themselves, briskly away from the little lab of horrors and away from the questions and answers of our survival. As the elevator doors slide open and I step inside, somebody calls my name though I’m unsure of who as I don’t turn around until the doors close.

The sight and smell made me want to curl up and cry, to drink away the memories that again stood side by side with the events of today. I tried not to think about /her/ as the elevator made its way to the top, opening up into a vastly different world.

It wasn’t until I let out a strangled cry that I realise I had held my breath the whole way.

One deep breath in and I double over, bile rising in the back of my throat as my body tried to remove the nothing I’d had to eat today. When I finish dry heaving, I fall back on my heels, back sliding down the stone wall of the lab entrance until I sit flush.

Through the muddled thoughts and images floating in my mind, one thing sticks out strongly and shines the smallest ray of light in the darkest hour.

Marcus is alive.

For now.

Arms rest precariously on shaky knees as I stare at the cloth still clutched in my fingertips, blood and other fluids staining the material.

I throw it to the ground and close my eyes as I fight against the always present panic, breath shaky and unreliable, and I know I’m going to lose the battle.

•- Marcus -•

|(• ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴋᴀɴᴇ’s ᴍɪɴᴅ •)|

It was 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌 before I could see the 𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕.

What is life? What is time? This counting beat that seemed nothing but an invisible portion of air that slips through our fingers?

Exactly… It means nothingness. And still, it means everything.

My eyes would remain still over the sight of the Earth. Arms folded in the back as a voice grants me permission to step inside the room. White. Everything was white. In the middle a table, over it a body plugged to tubes.

My eyes trail the body, the blanked covering half of it. It was alive, still breathing if I could tell it right. And I certainly was.

“𝐻𝑜𝑤 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝘩𝑖𝑠 𝑣𝑖𝑡𝑎𝑙𝑠?”, I asked watching my old man laid before me. Then my eyes would go for the doctor, whose mask avoided me to recognize the features. But the voice… That voice sounded like #Jackson. I was calm, he was calm. This whole atmosphere was too tranquil if all I care.

‘𝐼𝑡’𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑔𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑟𝑖𝑔𝘩𝑡 𝑛𝑜𝑤,’ The male voice answers my question, ‘𝐻𝑖𝑠 𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑝𝑖𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑦 𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑠𝑒𝑡 𝑎𝑡 𝟻 𝑏𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡𝘩𝑠 𝑝𝑒𝑟 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑢𝑡𝑒, 𝑏𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑙𝑜𝑤 𝑎𝑡 𝟿𝟶/𝟼𝟶, 𝘩𝑖𝑠 𝑡𝑒𝑚𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑠𝘩𝑜𝑜𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑢𝑝 𝑎𝑡 𝟷𝟶𝟷, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑝𝑢𝑙𝑠𝑒 𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑑𝑟𝑜𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑡 𝟻𝟶 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑠 𝑝𝑒𝑟 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑢𝑡𝑒.’ Then a beep on the machine makes me freeze. The irregular lines fall flat as fear consumes me, pain. ‘𝑊𝑒 𝑛𝑒𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑏𝑖𝑙𝑖𝑧𝑒 𝘩𝑖𝑚 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐹𝑎𝑠𝑡!’, the man in white said. #Jackson, yes, I knew that voice. It was him.

As I try to get closer to my father, the scene falls into a slow motion where the doctor urges to the victim’s body. I feel the scream tightened in my throat as I attempt to reach him, but strong hands keep me in place. Violence. I could feel the nails digging on my carcass, almost as if those hands burned with their touch. The doctor was standing in my sight of view, I could not see … I was desperate.

“LET ME SEE HIM!”, I shout but silence is all that comes from my lips as I part them. The flaming touch becoming more and more hard to ignore as I force them away to get over the corpus.

“Dad-”, I said yet the sight of it makes my stomach flip, and I throw up. I saw myself, entirely burned – head to toe, every inch of my skin assembling melted wax. No. I did not make any sense, and then my eyes would meet the doctor’s, whose white clothes were washed in black. Nightblood. The doctor removes its mask, it was him … My father. How? How have I ended up in that bed? How was he standing here looking at me? “I don’t- How?”, I question.

“You fought bravely. What a wonderful adventure you had out there,” He says as he gets rid of his clothes. And only now I realize I am dressed in white, just leave everyone else. “Oh, come here.”

I could feel his embrace. The heat that emanates from his body, from the long-forgotten feeling of having him this close. Broken. I felt broken, I felt lost. I felt safe. The hug makes my mind flip, as if I was forced to a tube as colourful shapes would turn into many different moments of my life, from childhood to adulthood. Like a movie.

My mother, the first kiss, the night I learned I was a father, when #Octavia was found, #Aurora being floated, landing on earth, Octavia grown up, and Abby… This was the last one, still her face, the way she looked at me in the lab.

Abigail.

“Where is Abby?”, I ask as I break the embrace. The one hug that almost made me forget where I stand. “Where is O?”

“She is not here. And she isn’t coming anytime soon, Marcus,” Kane Senior affirms, watching me from head to toe.

“Come, son. Walk with me, I will take you home. Your fight is almost over now. You just need to cross that door. Or you can stay here… In this emptiness until you decide to follow my steps. Your call, Marcus. But it is wise to warn you, this white room will hardly break apart. Look at yourself …”, he points to the body on the table. “If he stops, you will be forced to cross that door. I can offer you a tranquil passage,”

“No!”, I told him stepping back, “I love you. I love mom. I miss you both and I miss #Aurora too, but there are people there… I can hear them calling from the body. Can’t you? I am not leaving. I will fight. I promised Abigail I wouldn’t leave her, and I won’t.”

“I can’t hear, only you can. Marcus, you are free to do as you wish. But your body is weak, so make sure you are sane, or you will lose it. May we meet again…” and he vanishes in the form of a bright light before my eyes.

I try to reason what was going on, and I could not. Then, I urge to my body side. I could hear them, every one of them. Raven, John, Jasper, Emori, Jackson … Abigail.

“I AM HERE!”, I try to tell them. “I AM ALIVE!” still, the more I scream the more silent I feel my voice becoming. And I could feel the tears coming, the chest compressing my heart as I whisper:

“𝑷𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆, 𝒅𝒐 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒖𝒑 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒆… 𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆.”

•- John -•

By the time I got back with the bio bed Jasper was gone and Rey was still nowhere to be seen.

Emori was standing in the furthest corner of the large, open space. I glanced back at #Monty who pushed the bed from behind as I pulled from the other end. He pressed his lips into a tight line and nodded a silent approval to go to her. #Monty kept pushing the bed towards the chamber and I made my way to the stunned Emori.

“E?” I said quietly. “It’s okay.” I lied… I lied flawlessly. “

Marcus is alive…

He could…” I tried not to choke on my next lie. “He could still recover. #Luna got sick.” Kane was dying… I knew that. “But her nightblood healed her… it took a few days… but he’s a nightblood now too.”

“If you don’t want to be here, go find Jasper … I’m sure he needs a friendly face right now.” I didn’t say the thought that came to my mind. ‘𝓜𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝓼𝓾𝓻𝓮 𝓱𝓮 𝓭𝓸𝓮𝓼𝓷'𝓽 𝓭𝓸 𝓪𝓷𝔂𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓼𝓽𝓾𝓹𝓲𝓭.’

He would keep her safe. I had seen how he tried to protect her.

•- Rey -•

The three of us split up and each of us made our way to the things we had agreed to gather, and to do it as quickly and quietly as we could. #Harper had told #Luna and I that the others were all distracted on the main floor. She was certain that they wouldn’t even notice her going into the break room, where she was sure that there would be some food we could take for #Octavia and whomever had come with her.

#Luna was heading to the storage level to find some of the water containers, the ones we had were all accounted for. So, new ones would be needed. Once she had them and filled them, she would be ready for us to go. However, she was addiment she would come to find me. I knew that look in her eyes, and the meaning of the squeeze on my arm. She wasn’t happy about me going alone, but there was no other way for us to do this.

Me… I was stood looking up at the numbers on the elevator as they counted up, then came to a stop at Level 10. Med kits were my job. In the time I’d spent on this level with the Ice Tank I was the only one other than #Jackson who knew where to find things. Even if as the doors opened and the lights in the dark corridor came to life, my heart had started to race in my chest.

Coming down here again, after what I’d put myself through was a bad idea. The flash backs hadn’t improved, the feeling of drowning hadn’t gotten any better. But this wasn’t about me. #Octavia was on the other side, and she was asking for help again. And this time… I wasn’t going to let her call go unanswered.

•- Abby -•

There were two things that I knew for sure. The first was that I didn’t want to leave Marcus’s side. The second was time was still ticking and I hadn’t figured out how to make the serum correctly. I had one dose leftover from the obvious failed serum, and I would eventually have to see if I can tweak it to make it right. But I wasn’t leaving him quite yet.

I needed to watch his vitals for a little while longer while I debated on how to keep him alive. I knew what the radiation was doing to his body. Yet I was determined to keep my promise to him. I would give him a shot of adrenaline if I had to if he didn’t keep his.

•- Emori -•

I studied the room intently. I knew the risks for me were now higher. So I found myself back to watching all the comings and goings of the room. Raven’s race to the bathroom with #Harper and # Luna following behind her. John and those I decided to call the med team huddled over the unconscious Marcus. Then there was Jasper. He looked like he wanted anything but to be here. My eyes followed Jasper as he left the room. I debated on following him but I stuck on keeping an eye on my back or follow the strange need to comfort him. When John moved towards me and encouraged me to follow, I silently wondered if he had been watching me as closely as I had been with the room. Nodding slightly, I walked towards the lab entrance of the lab but not before speaking to him.

“Go find Raven. I know she is pissed but she just rushed off to the bathroom and I know you want to make sure she is okay.”

Just as I get to the doors, I see Jasper slumped on the floor. I sat down beside him, so close that my shoulder brushed his. I found myself wanting to give him the same comfort he offered me when it was obvious that the test failed with Marcus.

“How was it growing up there?”

•- Jasper -•

I barely acknowledge the person sitting down beside me. The fresh air outside couldn’t extinguish the scent of almost certain death lingering. It made me feel sick to my stomach yet again. Panic continued to bubble through every vein, my chest tightening and restricting.

Opening my eyes, I finally see Emori beside me with a questioning look on her face. I wondered why she wasn’t inside with John as I open my mouth to tell her hadn’t heard her, but not a sound emits. My mouth is dry, and every breath scratched against my throat, chills passing over my flesh as my heart goes a mile a minute. Over thinking. There was nothing I could do. To save Maya, to help Marcus, to 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭 Emori. The end was coming for all of us and the one hope we have was dwindling away.

My gaze drops from Emori’s as my fingers clench, nails pressing hard against my palms. All of a sudden, I can’t breathe. Like my lungs froze on exhale, oxygen no longer flowing. My visions blurs as I go through the motions of taking a breath with negative results. I probably looked like a fish out of water gulping for air and usually a thought like that would make me laugh however all it did was raise the bar.

I look back at Emori, unable to convey my current problem, but I just pray she can see it in my eyes.

•- Rey -•

“Rey, are you in here?” #Luna’s voice came from down the corridor, as I stuffed a couple of pots of pain pills into my back pack.

“I’m down here, one sec. I’m coming.” Grabbing some more bandages as I rushed out of the store cupboard. My eyes down I all but bumped into her as she came rushing down towards me.

‘Are you ready to go, is there anything else we need to take?’ She asked. Stopping, my hands on her arms to keep myself from falling back.

“I don’t think so, I don’t know. Maybe? But for now. We have the basics; they should do the trick until we get O and the rest back here where Jax and Abby can help them.” I was second guessing myself each step of the way since my reboot.

Was I doing the right thing? Should we take the others with us? What if it was a trick and an ambush?

‘Hey… hey… it’s okay. We will go and bring O back. She will be okay. We will be okay.’ #Luna could always tell when I was spiralling, and now, this was a spiral on a next level.

“Let’s go, #Harper will be waiting.” She took the second backpack from me, and we both headed back down the corridor towards the elevator.

•- John -•

I looked up at Emori and sighed. “I can’t…” I shook my head. I couldn’t tell her why, saying the words would make it too real. “I think I should give her some space… plus… she doesn’t need me anymore. She’s fixed.”

I headed to the other and helped them with Marcus as Emori headed the same way Jasper had. I helped #Monty push the biobed next to the chamber and I placed a hand on Abby shoulder. “Let’s move him out of the chamber, it will be easier to treat him.” I softly. Jackson and I grabbed the sheet beneath him at his head and feet. “#Monty come around the side and pull him to the biobed.”

#Jackson counted down from three and we pulled him over onto the bed. I moved the IV bag and the three of us pushed the bed to the room that had been set up for Rey after her first seizure. The doctor was being unusually silent.

“Abby?” I tried to get her attention. “Can he survive this? Luna got better after her exposure… he could too? Right?”

•- Emori -•

I thought back to John’s words about Raven. He can deny it as much as wants but she needs him. I can’t make him see that though. The only thing I could do is be here for all of them up until I am a crispy critter like Kane.

My attention is pulled back to the present—to the man sitting next to me. My heart went out to him. I didn’t know his story, but I knew he faced a huge loss. It was etched on every line of his face. I watched him dig his fingers into the palm of his hand. I turn my head and look at his face. It hasn’t hard to see panic fill his face. For a brief second, I thought that panic was for me. That they were coming for me. But I hadn’t heard any footsteps and even after all this time on the ground Skaikru wasn’t the best at sneaking up on people. No this was something else.

Something that I had seen a few times—something I went through once. The way his face was going red, I guess he wasn’t breathing. I needed to help him. So, I did the first thing that came to my mind. It was something that helped me. I grab his face and press my lips to his. Probably not the best way but it was better than the slap to the face that could turn him away from my side.

•- Rey -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀɢʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴏɴ ʟᴇᴠᴇʟ 8 ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

As the elevator came to a stop on Level 8, both #Luna and I looked to each other in a little confusion. Her eyes moved up to look at the numbers over the doors, and mine moved to glance at the numbers on the panel beside the door.

‘Chomouda hod op hir?’ ( Why stop here? ) she asked, and I shrugged my shoulders.

“I hit the correct button, it must just be a glitch or something.” I tell her.

‘Unless someone is here on the level?’ she countered.

I pointed to the doors that were still closed. “If there was someone here these things should have opened to let them on.” Stepping forward I hit the number 3 button a couple of times. The doors didn’t open and nor did the elevator move.

“Hells! I bet it’s stuck.” Setting the bag down, I pulled out the small multi knife from my back pocket and got to work unscrewing the panel. “Let me take a look in the back to see what is going on, can you take out the tablet from the bag and turn it on for me?”

‘You brought a tablet with you?’ She asked as I popped out the screws one at a time.

“Yeah, we need to turn the Drones off without impacting everyone who is here. And then we need to make sure they are on as soon as we are clear and on the dock. Forward planning Zen Master.”

She was smiling now. ‘See, you still haven’t lost a step.’ It was meant to make me feel better I know, but there was a stab in my chest.

As I worked, I told her what to click to open the code screen and then how to pull up the data for the elevator. #Luna brought the screen and held it up before me, as I tested the connections seeing the real time reaction to my work as I went. With a jolt to the box, it started to move again.

“There we go….” Frowning. “I should have checked this before; it’s been sat unused for all this time and now it’s going up and down like a drop ship on a mission.”

‘Yu na nou dula’m op Ogeda.’ ( You cannot do it all. ) She helped to hold the panel as I screwed it back into place.

“That’s the thing… I really should be able to.” Without #Sinclair what other choice did we have.

•- Abby -•

My eyes stay locked on Marcus’s face. What did I do wrong? What step did I miss? I was so sure that I followed everything and got it right this time. Yet when looking at him, I see didn’t. I should be thankful that he didn’t die right away like the grounder. But I failed yet again. It took a moment to realize that John was speaking to me. I thought about it what he said. A small kernel of hope blossomed in my chest, but I wanted to smother it because it would kill me if it were false hope. I lift my eyes from Marcus’s face and look at John.

“I don’t know.”

Those words echo in my head. I didn’t know. I just wanted him to be okay. But the time was ticking close and closer until praimfaya was upon us and with it our deaths if I didn’t fix the serum. Closing my eyes, I resign myself to doing what must need to be done. No matter how much my heart wanted me to sit by his side, I had to find a way to save us.

•- John -•

My eyes stayed on Abby, Marcus’s wounds and burns had been cleaned, the ones that needed to be; were covered. I could see that a few of the bandages already needed to be changed. The black staining them made everything look so much worse. Just blood, I told myself.

The thoughts of Luna when she was sick had stirred the memories of #Adri. The girl neither of us could save no matter how hard we tried.

I shoved them down. 𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬… those words seemed like they burned as they left her mouth. I pulled my hand back and stepped away to drag a chair from the corner, closer to the bed. The legs squealed horrendously against the floor. “Sit down, Abby.”

I moved to the other side of the bed and started pulling out clean dressings. Peeling off the soaked ones and cleaning the wounds beneath them before redressing them. “As soon as we can move him, we’ll head for the bunker…. Right?”

I needed to convince her it was time to give up on this plan. Before she tried again and Emori paid the price Kane just had. “It’s time to go before it’s too late and the Deathwave reaches us.”

•- Raven -•

The doors to the elevators finally opened on level 3 and I gave a small sigh of relief. Right now, the last thing I needed to do was to reload or even check the code or the hardware for this thing.

‘Chit nau?’ ( What now? ) #Luna asked as I glanced out at the small hall way blocked off to the side of main floor.

“I was hoping that Harper would be here waiting for us.” I frowned. “We should go and find—” I stopped seeing #Monty coming down from the lab and office on the floor above. “You go and find Harper, and we meet back here in five? I’m going to go and ask Green to look at the code for this thing.” I pointed to the box we were stood in. “Otherwise, it’s going to bug the life out of me.”

Setting the bags, we had down to the side out of view, the two of us set out to do what we needed. And then we would head off to the boat and to O. I was aware she was waiting for us, that she was in need of help, but I wasn’t going to leave without our sharpshooter. Not when it was likely that we could need her skills when we got to the other side.

•- Abby -•

My heart told me to listen to John, but logic wouldn’t let me. I needed to be the one to change Marcus’s bandages and then start to figure out what went wrong. I move to where Murphy was standing and gently push him to the side, taking over. He had come a long way from the troubled boy that was sent down here. I was glad to see that. Based on the sideways glances that I saw when Raven was around, I suppose she was to thank for it.

Marcus’s wounds still looked bad. It didn’t help foster the hope Murphy tried to give me. In fact, it did the exact opposite. I needed to find a way to save the rest of us. I finished changing the bandages that needed it and turned to Murphy.

“Keep an eye on him, please. I’ll be back.” I forced myself to move away from the bed and walk to the lab. It was time to figure out what went wrong.

•- John -•

I stepped aside at Abby’s urging. I could understand why she wanted to be the one doing this… I was the one that had insisted on staying with Raven and going days on a few scattered hours of sleep.

Not that it was the same thing… I mean… Abby and Marcus were basically a couple. That wasn’t at all like

Rey and I… but still, I knew what it was like to want to be the person to look after her. Mostly, because she hated needing someone to look after her; and the rest of the group were like her family… it was better that she only resented me, and it didn’t cost her any of her relationships with her friends.

So, I stepped aside but stayed close because I wasn’t too sure that Abby was going to stay on her feet. I couldn’t remember the last time Abby had been out of the lab long enough to sleep… or eat.

Before I could object to Abby rushing back to work she was already out the door. But if the only person that seemed to still have any faith in me asked me to stay here and watch him… I would do that. I rifled through the supplies on the table that Abby had used to change his bandages. I poured some alcohol over the fresh cuts on my knuckles. “Fuck!!” I growled through gritted teeth and pressed some clean gauze to the wounds until the burning stopped.

I glanced over at Marcus and chuckled darkly. “I guess I shouldn’t complain right? I mean…” I looked him over. “It could be worse right?”

Like he was going to answer… My eyes flicked to the monitors. Any minute now and they would flatline… and I wasn’t going to be able to do anything about it. But no one could survive what had happened to him, regardless of what I said to Abby.

•- Raven -•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʜᴀʀᴘᴇʀ ᴍᴄɪɴᴛʏʀᴇ‘ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I wasn’t sure if this was a good plan or a bad one, however I’d learnt in the time I’d sent with all these people, that when one of them came up with a plan, it was worth seeing it through.

If Rey asked me to gather some good and have a go back ready in less than ten minutes. Then that was what I was going to do.

‘Hey Harper, where have you been?’ #Monty found me as soon as I left the others.

“Me? Oh. Uhm. Just here and there. Why, did you need me for something?” 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘯𝘰… I thought to myself. #Monty was a kind guy, and the last thing I wanted to do was to lie to him. Not after the fact that he had single handily made Jasper and me come here and saved our lives.

‘No, no, just seeing if you need some help.’ He looked behind him over his own shoulder. My eyes followed his to the door of where people were coming and going from.

“Is… is that where Marcus is?” It was the same room that Rey had been placed after her last seizure.

‘Yeah, it is. I’m staying out of there. It’s…. It’s…’ I squeezed his shoulder. I didn’t need him to finish that sentence, I knew. The lab was still filled with the small of burnt flesh, just as it had been with the grounder.

“Can’t you do something to make the smell go away?” I asked in the hopes it would give him something to do.

He thought for a moment and then nodded. ‘I can made the air circulate faster; it would get a little cold. But…’

He turned and went to his workstation beside the one Rey always worked from.

Leaving me to disappear without notice into the break room to gather whatever I could find. Time was ticking away, and I needed to get a move on.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ #ʟᴜɴᴀ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

She was running on low, and she didn’t even know it. When I parted ways with Raven, she looked as though she was going to fall. Her mind maybe fixed, she had done the impossible. But her body, it was running on fumes. And yet… em ’s ha she granen fodowin ( it’s how she worked best ).

“Fai” ( Five ) Raven had given me five minutes to find #Harper and meet her back at the elevators. And I wasn’t going to let her down this time.

She hadn’t stopped ever since we came back from the docks, so I hadn’t the time to explain to her why I wanted her to go with John and the others. She couldn’t see what I saw, what I had seen in them for a long while. And I knew, if he had gone, if he had gotten on that boat without her. They would never be the same again.

“Taim Oso kik thru’ ( If we survive )

I hid in plain sight, which was easy. Everyone had something they needed to do. But Jasper and Emori. My eyes searched the lab, and they were nowhere to be seen. “Don dula emo buk au nodotaim?” ( Did they run again? )

“Harper?” She was bent down looking in the cupboards of the breakroom. And to her credit, she did not jump.

“Are you ready to go?” I looked back over my shoulder at the others, still no one had paid me any attention. I stopped when I saw the worried face of Abby walking out of the room, where once Raven had been placed to heal, and now it was where their Chancellor lay.

‘Nearly, did you find the water?’ I nodded.

“Sha, Let’s go.” Turning back, I saw that Raven was still speaking to #Monty.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴇʀɪᴄ ᴊᴀᴄᴋꜱᴏɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

The data I’d asked Monty to gather ran up my screen as I scrolled down it. “What did we miss? This should have worked.” The feeling of loss and failure were consuming me. I should have been able to see it. What was it that we weren’t considering that #Becca had perfected over a hundred years ago.

Okay, fine. She took the serum to space, completing the final stages at Zero-Gs. But we should have been able to replicate parts of it in the small batches here. This was 𝙝𝙚𝙧 lab too.

When I glanced up, I saw Abby leaving Marcus’s room and a pang of guilt overwhelmed me. She had done so much for me. Been a mentor, a confidante, told me what I needed to hear to get the job done in times when we had next to nothing to achieve our results. And now I was failing her.

‘You are being too hard on yourself.’ The whispered voice of #Nate came from behind me, making me jump a little.

“What? No… Uh… No…” dropping my eyes back to the screen I lent in.

‘Yeah, you are. I’ve seen that look before. You get it when you are being too hard on yourself.’ He was leaning on the workstation, but now his eyes followed Abby as she crossed the lab. ‘You both are over worked on next to no sleep and trying to perform a miracle. We all know this isn’t as easy as a swim in the lake. So, stop being so hard and beating yourself up.’

Sighing I took my head in my hands and closed my heavy eyes. I knew he was correct; however, it didn’t take away from the fact that Marcus Kane was in a prolonged state of unconsciousness.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴍᴏɴᴛʏ ɢʀᴇᴇɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

Nothing was working out the way it was meant to. Whenever we attempted to do good for our people or those who were alive on this planet, things always ended up worse off for us. Rey always said “𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘴 𝘔𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘺”. And yet where were these so-called wins? Why were we not getting the big wins too?

I’d seen Jasper disappearing when things had gotten too much for him, and I wanted to follow behind him. After all it had taken for me to talk him into coming here, was he going to still believe in the dream I had set before him after seeing everything that had taken place? The Grounder was dead. And Kane? Who really knew? This was all uncharted territory here.

I didn’t do it to spy on him, I was scared for my friend, I knew the places his mind took him. Losing #Maya had taken a part of him away, and I was scared it would never come back. That was the only reason I tabbed in the codes Rey had given me to take control of the cameras around the lab.

My brow pulled together when I searched and then found him. He looked in so much pain, the way he slipped down the wall by the doors to the ground level of the lab. It made me want to go to him, until the elevators opened again and Emori went to join him.

I knew I should have switched off; I shouldn’t have kept watching. But something had happened between Rey, John, Jasper, #Luna and Emori. Anyone could pick up on the tension between them all when they returned from the boat. And I wasn’t sure if I completely trusted Emori. What if she tried….

My thoughts cut off, and my eyes widened. “Wow…” She kissed him? Emori had lent into Jasper and 𝙠𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙝𝙞𝙢!!!

‘Hey Monty, are you busy?’ I jumped out of my skin, hitting the key to turn the screen off and turned to see Rey looking down at me.

“Who… me? No… nope… nah…” Closing my eyes I shook my head. “What can I do for you Rey?” Why was I so bad at hiding my feelings and shock?

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʀᴀᴠᴇɴ ʀᴇʏᴇꜱ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

“Hey Monty, are you busy?” He jumped out of his skin and punched a key, turning his screen off before I could see what was on it. #Monty Green couldn’t keep his emotions and uncertainties from showing, this was no different. Raising my eyebrow, I gave him a moment to gather himself. Also determining if I even wanted to know what it was, he had been doing.

‘Who… me? No… nope… nah…’ He closed his eyes, then shook his head before asking; ‘What can I do for you Rey?’ Yeah, he was most definitely up to something. But then so was I.

Leaning in a little I rested my elbows on the workstation. “I was just in the elevators and they stopped dead on me. I had a quick look and managed to get them moving again. But do you mind giving them a once over? See if anything is out of place or needs updating? It’s the only way in and out of this lab. And I don’t want it failing on us.”

He nodded his head as I gave him access to the codes to review. ‘I’ll get right on it.’

“Thanks Green.” Out of the side of my eyes I saw #Harper slipping away off the lab floor and towards the corridor. “If you do find something you need help with, I’ll take a look at it later.” And then #Luna stood in the door of the breakroom. Making sure I saw her leaving.

“I’ll leave you to it.” He looked relieved that I didn’t question him and got to work. I glanced over my shoulder making sure no one was watching me, then I followed the other two.

•- John -•

The soft sound of the door opening had me dropping the gauze quickly, into the pile of messy dressings in the kidney-shaped bowl. #Clarke came in and stop in the doorway hesitantly. ‘Can I—‘ She was pointing into the room. “Of course, come in.” I stepped back from the bed and let her step in. “He’s stable… but his temperature and heart rate are high.” I explained even though I knew she was a thousand times more qualified to read all of the screens in this room than I was.

#Clarke scanned the screen with a determined focus and then slowly turned to me. ‘Oh!’ She grunted softly when her eyes landed on the mess and them; my hand and I stupidly stuffed it into my jacket pocket. But even the small red smudges that stained the gauze stood out starkly from the black stained ones. ‘What happened to your hand?’ She asked with a straight face.

“It’s nothing. Just a few scrapes.” I insisted.

#Clarke grabbed my arm and tugged my hand out of my pocket. ‘At least let me take a look.’ She tugged me towards a light and examined my knuckles. ‘And this has nothing to do with the smashed mirror and blood in the bathroom at the end of the corridor?’

I rubbed the back of my neck and that seemed to be all the answer #Clarke needed. ‘Well… you don’t need stitches but…’ #Clarke reached to the table with the dressing supplies and grabbed a pair of tweezers. I hissed in pain as she pulled a tiny sliver of glass from one of the small cuts. ‘This could have ended with a nasty infection.’ She looked up at me like she was waiting on an explanation but after a moment she just grabbed a fresh bandage. I pulled my hand back.

“There’s no need to dress it… it will just get in the way. I’ll keep it clean.” At the look she gave me, I added. “Thanks. That feels a lot better.” I flexed my fingers with only a mild stinging. She relented.

‘I can stay with Marcus if you want to go and get some rest.’ She offered.

“Are you sure?” I asked and she nodded. “Yeah… that would be great… Just don’t go far, I don’t think your Mom wants him left alone.”

Clarke promised she call someone in if she needed to leave for any reason and I made my exit while I had the chance. I slipped into the first empty room and pulled the tablet from my inner jacket pocket and powered it on. I knew it was insane and probably a little creepy but… I pulled up the security system again and started scrolling from screen to screen looking for Raven. I spotted #Harper and #Luna running around with bags… But Raven was at a workstation in the lab.

What were they up to? I plugged headphones into the device and scrolled back to the last time I had seen her… Just after we fried Kane. And just to up the creep-factor of my stalking I followed her through the lab until she halted and started speaking into her radio. I hit the button to turn on the audio and listened.

•- Raven -•

〄 𝗧𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗝𝘂𝗺𝗽

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴ ᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ɪꜱʟᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴏᴄᴋꜱ

‘Rey, you need to sit down, rest up Luna and I can manage this stuff.’ #Harper jumped down into the boat and started to catch the bags that #Luna and I were throwing to her with the supplies.

“There is no way I am going to sit on my arse while you both do all the hard work. It’s not happening.” I picked up the bag with the water in it and handed it over a little more carefully.

‘That’s not what she meant Raven, just take the time to go look over the boat. See what needs to be done before we go.’ #Luna squeezed my arm. ‘This is the first time we are taking this boat out into the waters. It’s not the same as the ones I’ve used before.’ She was speaking of the boats her people used to get from the oil rig in the middle of the ocean, back to land for supplies.

“Hmm… Okay, I guess…” She was right, and she knew it too. “But shout if you need any help.” Both the girls nodded. #Harper reached out a hand to help me down onto the boat, and I froze seeing three packs discarded on the side. Those I knew belonged to John, Emori and Jasper.

‘Nou gyon au der.’ ( Don’t go there. ) #Luna’s soft voice said from behind me.

“Go where?” I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m not going anywhere at all. Other than into the….” I looked around and pointed to the cabin. “In there.” Pushing back all the mess that was in my head, my eyes glancing down to the bags one last time, before I left them to work out how the hells, we were going to get this boat moving.

〄 〄 〄 〄

Once I found myself stood in the cabin, my heart was pounding in my chest. “The time when I really could do with A.L.I.E’s code in my head, and I went and purged it out. What the hells was I even thinking?”

I know what I was thinking. I needed to figure out a fix for the mess in mine and Abby’s head. But right now, just like in the elevator there was some part of me wishing that I had found the solution to fix Abby and still kept the code in my head.

‘What do you think, can we work it out?’ #Luna and Harper stood by the door looking at the controls as flabbergasted as I must have looked to them.

“I just need a few moments. I saw them sailing out this way, and I remember some of it.” I knew the hardest part was going to be getting off the dock, and then docking on the other side when we reached there.

‘If anyone can do this, you can Rey.’ #Harper encouraged, if only she knew. There were two people who were much better at this than me. So, maybe it was a mistake? Maybe I let my stubbornness get the better of me. But I still didn’t want to ask them for help.

•- Abby -•

Sitting back down in the chair, that up until Marcus’s test, I spent a lot of time at. For a moment I just sat there and stared at the table. My mind whirling with what I did wrong. What did I miss. I could have sworn that I had figured it out.

My eyes moved to the syringe with the failed and pulled it towards me and released a bit on a slide to study. I had to figure this out. I doubt that I could save Marcus—my heart ached at the thought. But I had to be realistic here.—but I could still have Clarke and Raven. I had to make sure they would see the day after the end of the world.

•- John -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴ ᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ɪꜱʟᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴏᴄᴋꜱ

I couldn’t believe her! After the lecture, she had given us… now she was taking off? #Luna may have lived on an Oil Rig and know her way around a boat… this one was different, and it was hundreds of miles away from here… The tides were different.

Emori had made this sailing plenty of times. And she had taught me how… If she and Jasper hadn’t looked so… cosy, on the cameras I’d have dragged her with me too.

“Fuck!” I grumbled… I was distracted by my inner ramblings. I rubbed my hand over the scrape on my cheek where the low hanging branch had hit me while I ran to catch up with them. No blood, at least that was something. The trees started to thin out as I got close to the beach.

“Hod op!!” (Hold up!) I shouted out as I sprinted out onto the beach, my lungs burning. “Chit ona skafa dison!?” (What the hell is this?) I stepped onto the dock, arms spread wide, and the anger etched into my features. She’d almost killed herself only hours ago and now she was trying to make the crossing without anyone that had done it before! She was insane. “Pas taim ething yo biyo gon ai!!” (After everything you said to me!!)

“Are you serious right now, Raven!? Are you trying to kill yourself!? Is that what this is? The fucking insane ice bath didn’t finish you off so you’re just gonna feed yourself to the god-damned lamprey!?” I blocked out the images I had tried to scroll past on the security cameras.

•- Raven -•

‘Jon!’ #Luna was the one to notice him running out from under the cover of the treeline.

“Hells… No!” #Harper muttered but moved out of #Luna’s way as she moved to the belly of the boat to reach out a hand for him.

“Luna!” I called out, but there was no stopping her from leaning out to him, and I stepped out from the small cabin following her. He ran on to the dock and, I couldn’t help seeing his features pulled in anger. What did he have to be angry about?

“Chit dula op Yu fig raun em ste?” ( What do you think it is? ) Coming to a stop just behind #Luna I crossed my arms over my chest. What was his problem? “ Do I not look serious to you right now? and what do you even care if I live or die? You made your choices remember Murphy, and now… This… Here… This is me making one too.”

I didn’t want to notice it, but on his already battered and bruised face there was visible signs of a red line. What had he done now? and, why did I even care? “Oso nou laik running gon kep klin Oso gada in Kikplei ( We are not running to save our own life. )

‘Reivon hod op.’ #Luna frowned at me, and then turned toward John. ‘Beja, sis osir au?’ ( Please, help us? ) She asked him, holding her arm out towards him. ‘Okteivia gaf in yumi nau.’ ( Octavia needs us now. )

•- John -•

She spat back at me in trig. Of course, she only saw me looking to save myself… but the truth was I had stopped living like that the second I saw her in that bed in the med bay, ashen from blood loss. That moment between thinking she’d tried to kill herself and realizing the truth.

Seeing another orphan of grief, heartache, and despair, if she couldn’t survive… if someone as strong and smart and valuable as her; couldn’t bear this world what the hell kind of hope did a leech like me have? Then she moved… that thing inside her moved and spoke, using her like a puppet. Something had snapped and I couldn’t let that Bitch in the Red dress have her.

I took #Luna’s arm and she pulled me as I hoisted myself up onto the deck. “How were you going to find her, hm?” My stare pinned to her. “You take our best sharpshooter and the last nightblood left on the planet… and ride off out to the sea just the three of you? Great plan Reyes.”

I opened the pack of supplies I had left on the boat from my earlier attempt to get Emori off the island… and pulled out a high-powered scope, handing it to #Harper, who beamed. 'Nice!!’ and sat on the deck wedging her rifle between her knees to replace the standard one. “#Octavia was under attack, right?” I asked and #Luna nodded.

“When we get there, #Harper can stay on board and cover us from the top of the cabin. And we need to take the spotlight on the bow down. Ice Nation arrowheads are steel, and they’ll shatter the light, then the boat will be useless in the dark.”

•- Raven -•

I parted my lips, but no sound came out. What was his problem? “Since when –“ #Luna gave me a stern look, saying so much without saying a word. But really there were only two words in her eyes. ‘bak of’ ( Back off. ) And I did, keeping my arms crossed over my chest.

“She isn’t just a nightblood Murphy, Luna is the best warrior.” Then again, I didn’t want her to go there was just no leaving her behind. The girl knew something was up with one look at me, and I know I was good at hiding things, or at least I thought I was. However, that part that hit hard, was that he was right. Wait, was he?

“Wait, If O is in trouble, Luna and Harper are the two people who we need the most on the other side, them with O… no one is walking away from that.” What was his point here again?

I saw him open a bag that had been on the deck and then the excitement in #Harpers face. “Where did you get that from?” I pointed to the scope #Harper was looking through now.

‘Who cares, it’s a good upgrade.’ #Harper jumped in.

“That’s not the point here Harper.” I told her.

•- Abby -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

I stared at the data that my eyes started to glaze over. If I was being honest with myself, I was running off of fumes. I couldn’t tell you when was the last time that I slept. But the countdown is ticking down faster than I could fix the serum. I didn’t know how I was going to manage it. Marcus had given me hope before he went and volunteered to deep fry himself. Now I lost any hope of finding out what is missing.

•- Raven -•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴄʟᴀʀᴋᴇ ɢʀɪꜰꜰɪɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I still couldn’t believe what Marcus had done, standing over him now my gaze moved slowly over each part of his skin that was visible. My hands trembling as I changed his bandages, cleaning the wounds and upon seeing the black blood my heart raced to a time in the past.

Back then it was #Lexa who I was saving, the fear of losing her had frozen me to the core and I had forgotten everything my mother had taught me. But when I snapped back. Seeing my hands covered in her black blood, all the medical training I had been given and learnt from watching my mother all kicked into place.

“And you called me impulsive?” I whispered to him as I wrapped a new bandage over his chest. “You are meant to be the one who knows better. But then again… Maybe, just maybe… I’m pissed that you got there before me.”

Leaning down I whispered into his ear. “I know you can hear me, Marcus. You need to fight! For yourself, for my mother… Do you hear me? FIGHT!”

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʙᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

Standing in the door, my hands itched. I was scratching them so hard that they were red raw. I didn’t step into the room, too many memories of seeing Rey on that bed flashed into my head. And now… Now the so called grown up of our people was in there oozing black blood over the floor.

Who did he think he was? He went from floating people… Floating my mom… To sending a hundred kids down to a dead planet full of turmoil…. And now… Now he dropped a bombshell that he was the father of my baby sister… and then this… He took this bullet why? To wash away the sins of his past. Was it even possible to do that? Because the truth was, I have so many sins I need to wash off my soul if we are all going to die too. If only I knew how.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴍᴏɴᴛʏ ɢʀᴇᴇɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

Rey had asked me to do a few things, and the list was swirling in my mind.

1. Check on the drones, their data, and their usage.

2. To keep an eye on the radiation figures, she had a feeling that things were progressing faster than the first assessment of the arrival of Praimfaya.

3. Upload all the data in the lab into the server she had prepared.

However why, I wasn’t sure. What were we going to do with the data if this lab wasn’t going to remain standing after the Praimfaya hit? I’d learnt my lessons in the past that when Rey said we should do something. She always had a plan for it. Then again, she asked me when there was a crazy town living in her head. So, was it something she still needed?

4. Look over the elevators.

It had glitched on her and #Luna, and she was correct. With only one way in and out of this lab, the last thing we all needed now was to become stranded down here with no way out. Then again, there was always the Rocket hatch. It would be hard and a long way to climb, but the #ATeam could and would do it.

•- John -•

The words stung but, not nearly as bad as the ones she’d screamed at me when she found me sneaking off the island. #Harper and #Luna looked ready to kill me. Then #Luna was dragging me to the cabin. She all but threw me against the wheel, winding me a little. 'Chit gon dau kom yu? Hmm!!’ (What’s going on with you?) She squared her shoulders and yelled at me, not caring if the two women outside heard.

“Nou stepnes… Dison gon ai.” (Nothing… This is me.) I bit back and dragged my hands through my hair.

'Nou!’ She stepped into my space. 'Nou noumou! Gyon au granen!’ (No! Not anymore! Get to work!) She slapped me across the back of the head and pointed violently at the control panel. She turned in the tight space so her back was to me. I heard her whisper her magic words to herself a few times as I started to fire up the engines.

'Are you punishing her?’ She asked again in her own tongue, probably hoping the other two wouldn’t know enough to follow along too closely if they were listening.

“You mean for almost killing herself after I spent all this time trying to keep her alive?” I spat back in trig too. “She didn’t even tell me!” My throat tightened on the last few words.“

#Luna’s expression and body language softened. 'Jon… Em don firfou.’ (John… She was afraid.)

"Gon ai?” (Of me?) My eyes burned at that; I fixed them on the open water; my fingers moving deftly over the instruments on the control centre. A warm hand rested on my shoulder, and it made everything roiling inside me so much harder to fight.

'No… Hai skat (Foolish boy). That; watching her die would break you.’ She whispered. Fuck!

It would have hurt less if she’d stabbed me.

“Tell them to sit down. We’re ready to leave.” My voice shook. #Luna didn’t pause, she stepped out of the cabin, and it was like she took all the air with her. She unbound the last rope mooring us and told the others to prepare to launch.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ɴᴀᴛʜᴀɴ ᴍɪʟʟᴇʀ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

People were disappearing left and right… the ones that weren’t seemed to be dropping like flies. After about ten minutes of arguing I had convinced #Jackson to go and lie down for at least an hour. Promising to wake him in two if he wasn’t back, but I planned on breaking that promise. The man was ready to drop, and I knew that Abby wasn’t far behind. I had found a plastic tub of something Murphy had made in the mansion and heated it in the break room.

I still found it hard to believe that; Murphy… of all people could cook! And to turn Rabbit into this!? I glanced at the stew, my stomach grumbling as I brought the steaming tub to the Doc… it was hard to believe. I mean… John Murphy? Really? And we had eaten our fair share of rabbit in the dropship camp… but this…. This was food, not just surviving.

“Hey, Doc.” I slid the bowl onto the workstation next to Abby, avoiding the things she had laid out over the surface. “I just convinced #Jackson to get some sleep. When he wakes up, I think you should too.” I knew she wouldn’t sleep now… not with #Jackson resting and Marcus in the state he was in. “But you should eat. You need your strength in case Kane needs you.”

•- Emori -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏᴜᴛꜱɪᴅᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

Pulling back from the kiss, I look at Jasper. What did I just do? It felt as if awkwardness filled the space that once held a comfortable companionship.

“I know you needed a moment but how about we go check on everyone in the lab.”

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

#Harper frowned at the two in the cabin, we could both hear them. It wasn’t like they were keeping their voices down in there, and it wasn’t like there was anywhere else we could go.

I started to pull at the rope tired to the boat when #Harper set her rifle down and came to join me, keeping her voice low she whispered before jumping off the boat to make sure that nothing was tied down before jumping back on board. ‘What is she saying to him?’ Her eyes moved back to the cabin and then to me.

I wasn’t in the habit of listening to Murphy and #Luna when they spoke in trig unless I was right there in front of them. And even then, I tried not to. “I’m not sure, I wasn’t listening.” I told her gathering the rope.

‘Really Rey? Luna is biting his head off and you aren’t even curious as to what it is she is saying to him?’ She wasn’t buying it. But it was the truth.

I took a deep sigh hearing him say that #Luna needed to tell us to sit down. “He said—”

#Harper held her hand up and shook her head. ‘Yeah, I got that part too.’ She went to sit back down beside her gun.

#Luna came out muttering how foolish John was. And how bull headed I was, she found the large rope that #Harper and I hadn’t even seen, and unbounded it and then sat herself down cross legged at the stern of the boat facing out towards the sea.

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴜᴛꜱɪᴅᴇ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴏᴄᴛᴀᴠɪᴀ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

Jerking up, my hand was tight around my blade I held it to his throat. ‘Okteivia, em ste Ai! Yu natsoujon. em ste Ai!’ ( Octavia, it’s me. you were dreaming. It’s me.) He stumbled and fell when I pulled his legs out from under him. Dragging himself back away from me on the ground kicking up dust as he went.

“It was a nightmare.” I whispered to myself, rubbing my eyes wondering how I had fallen asleep. I waved my hand telling all the eyes on me that I was fine. I just needed a minute.

Hells I needed so much more than that. I acted like I knew what I was doing, like I knew where we were going and what we would find there on this island. Relief had taken over when Raven had answered my call. It had been so long since I’d heard from any of them, that a part of my mind and heart thought they were all gone. But the fact was that I didn’t know anything. It was all an unknown for me.

I was told to fight for my people. But who were my people? Those who I hid from under the floor up in the Ark. or those who had opened their arms reluctantly to welcome me into their kru when they saw that I was a worthy warrior. The truth was that I belonged to both, it was why I had taken the decision to bring them all together. I told myself as I went into the conclave that if I won, I was there for Onekru. If we were going to survive Praimfaya. We would do it as one.

‘Dula op Yu fig raun emo na kom op?’ ( Do you think they will come? ) I was asked from behind as I sat up. ‘Azgeda stok daun yumi, Floukru heda ste kom emo odon der.’ ( Ice Nation is behind us, and Floudon Kru’s leader is with them over there. )

My eyes were on the water, there was nothing for me to see. ‘Reivon swega klin, krei Ai wich op raun em.’ ( Raven promised, so I trust in her. )

I just hoped that she would get here before the men #Indra had sent with me, started to question why were hidden here like sitting targets.

•- Abby -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

Working on the serum, I could hear the movement in the lab. John leaving and Jackson coming in. Logically I knew that I need to rest. But that was not what I was going to do. I will work myself to the bone to save everyone on this island. Unfortunately, someone had to be sacrificed to ensure that. I was sure that the tweaks I made to it fixed it. I just wasn’t ready to say it. but ready or not, I didn’t have a choice in the matter. The clock was inching closer to doomsday five point zero.

“I will rest when we are safe and not a minute before.”

My eyes moved over to where Marcus laid. It caused my heart to crack a little bit more inside my chest.

“I think it is ready where is everyone?”

•- John -•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ɴᴀᴛʜᴀɴ ᴍɪʟʟᴇʀ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I glanced down at the bowl I’d left next to Abby and sighed. But then her next words had my eyes widening… She was going to do this again?

“Wa—Wha— You’re going to test it again?” I staggered over the words and my eyes darted around the wide-open space. Where the hell was everybody? “On another volunteer?” Had someone else offered themselves up as a sacrificial lamb. I spotted #Clarke in the room with Kane. “I don’t know.” I finally answered the question she asked. “Should I get #Monty to check the camera and see where everyone is?” I swallowed the bile that was rising up in my throat at the memory of Marcus

in the chamber.

Rey’s radiation burns from the black rain were bad… but that… I didn’t want to witness that again.

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴊᴏʜɴ ᴍᴜʀᴘʜʏ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

As soon as #Luna stepped out of the cabin I blew out a long, shaky breath and blinked away the burning in my eyes. Fuck!! There was so much to unpack in that brief conversation. Had Raven told them all to keep me out of it? Did she even think of including me at any point during her scheming?

I cleared my throat and pulled the throttle to reverse and moved away from the dock. We had no idea what we were sailing towards. #Octavia could be pinned down by an army for all we know… And Raven just wanted to run off half-cocked and potentially get lost at sea? What was she thinking?

Was the ice bath really an attempt at saving herself, or was it a failed attempt at ending her suffering? Was this her way of trying to finish the job?

No.

Not with #Luna and #Harper with her, she wouldn’t drag them into something this dangerous unless she believed it was to save #Octavia. I took the boat in a slow circle until the compass told me I had the right heading. I slowly build more speed not wanting to get caught in the shallows, not wanting to risk the engine, if Little Blake was pinned at the shore this boat was likely our only way out of range of Azgeda archers.

My mind raced and it took every ounce of will I had; not to look back and see where Raven was. The reflection of the island in the glass of the cabin grew smaller and smaller. I imagined I had left everything I was feeling back there too. And as the island slowly vanished… I let myself grow numb.

Slipping back into that dark comfortable place I had abandoned for what felt like a lifetime ago.

•- Raven -•

‘Ai giv ai op gon nemiyon kom lanik-de’ ( I give myself, to the miracle, of the sea. ) #Luna whispered the words on repeat. We all had seen her flare up at John, something she didn’t do often if at all. But for some reason today… now… all of this… it had pushed her over an edge she didn’t care for.

Her eyes were closed as she took the deep slow breaths, she always told me to take when the darkness tried to surround me. And a pang of guilt ate at my heart. Had I forced her hand? Had I made it so that she had to pick sides? I knew how much she cared for Murphy, and what their bond had become since we set out to make the journey to the Island. The two had become a balancing act to my unbalanced, unhinged self. But now?

I glanced into the small cabin and the resolve I saw on Murphy’s face was incredulous. Whatever his mind was lost in, had his gaze locked on the ocean before him and nothing else. The easy and kindness that once filled those blue eyes of his was gone. And it had been replaced with the survivor we all knew too well.

I knew I should go and watch what he was doing, the basics of sailing this boat I had memorised. However, he knew how the water felt, when and how to make sure the boat was safe and undamaged, which only came with time. But from the way he stood there, I could tell that I didn’t want to be close to him.

‘Catch.’ #Harper’s voice penetrated the anger that started to show itself with in, and a bottle of water came flying toward me. Hand outstretched I caught it. ‘Nice, not so bad there, Boom stick maker.’

She motioned towards #Luna and I shook my head. It wasn’t a good idea to disturb the #ZenMaster when she was trying to calm herself. Turning she reluctantly went to take some water into the cabin.

I focused my attention out to the ocean and the sky above us. I’d checked the forecast from the feed the drones had logged before leaving, however now I narrowed my eyes. On the horizon I could see the clouds turning darker, but with the wind blowing away from us, I wasn’t worried about the acid rain coming down upon us here.

•- John -•

My eyes were trained straight ahead, and I was grateful for the ocean views, the words #Luna used to calm Raven came to the forefront of my mind. But I pushed them back, they evoked memories of Raven coming at me with fists and insults flying… but worse than that; her on the floor as she struggled to free herself from #Luna’s iron grip, tears on her face and nothing of the girl I thought I knew left in her eyes. #Luna would forgive me… But Raven? Even if she would, I couldn’t let her. I couldn’t help but think she was done with me, even before she found us on the docks today… Why else did she work so hard to keep me away from her plan?

The cabin door creaked open, and I heard Harper make a small sound, clearing her throat. I turned and the look on her face quickly turned from annoyed to confused. 'Are…. you, okay?’ she asked stumbling between words.

“Why? Because we’re heading to the mainland to rescue Baby Blake and take her back to the island, where we have no protection from the impending apocalypse. When we should be heading for the bunker… Why wouldn’t I be okay with that?” I snapped unnecessarily at her. She threw the bottle of water at me hard enough that I knew her intent wasn’t for me to catch it, but I did. The palm of my hand stung but I didn’t give her the satisfaction of knowing that.

'Grow up, Murphy.’ She looked at me with a deadpan expression. 'We all know this side of you is dead… So, whatever you’re hiding from, grow up and deal with it. Drop the arsehole routine, it doesn’t suit you anymore.’

And then she was gone. I sighed heavily and opened the bottle of water. I felt that familiar isolation dig deeper. I knew it was self-imposed… at least at first that was how it started and eventually, it became easier for people to just hate me and give me a wide berth.

The rest of the time passed too slowly, and my mind began to drift to the tablet shoved into the inside pocket of my jacket. The proof of who the father of the girl we were trying to rescue, was… The man that might be dead when we get back.

•- Raven -•

#Harper stalked back to her spot and fell onto the deck. Pushing her back up against the side od the boat. The murmuring of her and John’s conversation had #Luna’s ears listening, but I wasn’t in the mood for anything he had to say.

I knew it all, it wasn’t like he had hidden his feelings towards us going to get #Octavia. However, in the depths of my heart I knew this was the correct thing to do. We couldn’t leave her over there, alone, and unprotected. And my anger flared once again as the next thought rammed its way into my mind. If it had been Emori on the other side, calling for John to help. Would he have not done the same? Would he be climbing this high horse of his?

Before I knew it and could stop, I found myself stood by the cabin, trying to stop myself from going to talk to him. from letting this anger over take me again. I took deep, slow, steading breaths. Turning around to walk away from him and the cabin. Nothing good would come of this. I knew that now.

However, when I saw #Luna, and then #Harper, I bolted to turn and pushed my way in. “You know what John Murphy… If you are going to climb on your high horse and start preaching, take a moment to look and make sure it is a horse you are climbing onto, and not a fucking donkey that will buck your arse off!”

•- John -•

I had barely composed myself from the conversation with #Harper. Before Raven barged in with fury in her eyes… not that I could blame her right now. My hands clenched the wheel and my jaw ticked.

I turned to her and the look on her face shattered something further inside of me. “What do you want from me, Raven? You want to save #Octavia and that’s what we’re doing.” I turned to her keeping one hand on the wheel to keep us on track. “And don’t come in here and talk to me about a high horse when you come running out of the woods to stop me from taking the boat to save Emori but have no issue using it to run and save another Arkadian then its go, go, go.” I was shouting and I knew I hadn’t a leg to stand on really.

“So, I’m sitting on a high horse then fine!! But at least I’m not a hypocrite!” I hated myself the second the words were out. Raven was anything but a hypocrite. She came to the docks because she truly believed that Emori wasn’t in danger at all. This was something we disagreed on, but I know that was what she thought.

Something ached deep in my chest. Why was I doing this to her? Hell, why was I doing this to myself? I knew I needed to distance myself from her. I knew I needed to make sure she never felt so low as to feel for me even half of what I was hiding from her. But did I need to take it this far?

•- Raven -•

I stumbled back on my unsteady feet. His words were like a gunshot to my chest. They hit me so hard that it knocked the air out of my lungs, and I was left stood there blinking back the burning in my eyes like a dummy.

‘𝘈𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘈𝘳𝘬𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘨𝘰, 𝘨𝘰, 𝘨𝘰’ Did he really think that was what had happened here.

“Don’t you dare… Don’t you fucking dare say that I wouldn’t step up, and put myself on the line for Emori, like I have for everyone of you… I made that mistake once in my life… I caused the death of a young girl when I should have been the first to step up and save her… But… Fuck… I am 𝙉𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 going to make that same mistake again!”

#Adria’s face haunted my nightmares; I saw her if my eyes were open or closed. And I still couldn’t understand how #Luna could stand to look at me. So… Maybe he was right? maybe I was no better than any of the people who were out for blood?

“A hypocrite?” That was like another gunshot to the chest. My throat bobbed as I repeated his words. I wasn’t sure if there was anything I wanted to say, or if I had a leg to stand on here at all. “You know what…” I swallowed back the bile in my mouth. “…You are right.” I failed them all, fuck I was doing it right now. The tears started to roll down my cheeks and I wiped them with the back of my sleeve. “Sorry that you felt you had to put your life in danger once again because of me… If we make it back alive, I can promise you one thing John Murphy, you’ll never need to talk to me, see me, or help me ever again.”

My breathing caught in my chest, and I stepped back, pushing the cabin open behind me. when I turned, I saw both #Luna and #Harper stood there, their eyes trained on me and the shame of what I had done hit hard. I had made them come on this mission; I had once again placed their life in danger.

•- Emori -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

Brushing off the awkwardness of the kiss, I moved towards the lab even though my gut was still screaming to run the opposite way. But after Raven laid into us for my failed escape plan, I knew that chance was gone. The worry that I would be next was something that only grew with each second that the doctor they called Abby worked on fixing the serum. Slowly moving through the corridors that lead to the place that will probably star in my nightmares if I made it out of here alive.

'There you are. Abby just said that the next dose was ready.’

Miller’s words hut me in the gut hard. I couldn’t help myself from grabbing a hold of Jasper’s arm to keep my feet under me. My gut twisted knowing that it was only a matter of time that I would be jabbed with a needle.

•- Marcus -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴋᴀɴᴇ’s ᴍɪɴᴅ

White walls.

A claustrophobic room.

That is where I find myself, curled up in the corner like a child. Scared, uncertain … Fearing the view of its own body who lays over the table. Fearing the bruises that covers the once healthy skin of my members. Even my face … That face is barely a face.

My fingers tangled up in my hair, pulling the hair wicks from my skull. The pain is not enough to surface the agonizing feeling that takes over my body. The panic, fear, and insecurity blind me to the reality and slowly the conscious seems to fade. The beliefs, the dreams, well- they fade before my eyes as I stare the body.

My body.

Why can I see it from here? Why am I locked here?

And even if I cannot notice, my head is working on a different pace.

One thing stands, time inside my head, time in coma, does not work the same as reality. On the outside it might have passed a few hours, but in my brain, minutes turns into hours, and hours into days, and so on. And endless looping.

Days. Months. Years. Whatever …

Time enough to (almost) drive me insane. Even though I am still not fully aware of what is going on.

I am here, standing now. Eyes on the corpus which is breathing. Lacking on the voice to cry for help. Too numb to move a muscle. I desperately want to move.

I wand walk, stand, run … I crave to wake up, however I have no idea how to do it.

My eyes drop to my hands, then I touch the hurt carcass of myself. The lifeless body which rests laid before me and it’s the true view of how I look on the outside.

And the moment I touch it, something happens.

The corpus trembles violently. And even though I pull back, I feel the flaming ardour inside my chest.

The heart. The heart is … I try to think before falling into my knees.

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʟᴜɴᴀ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I could hear then of course; we were on a boat and the sound carried with the wind and the water amplifying everything that we said. I couldn’t understand these two. And yet I knew them better than they knew themselves at the same time too.

Reivon ( Raven ), was upset. A lot had happened to shake her belief in those she trusted as friends. And Jon ( John ) was trying his best to return himself to a person he no longer was.

“Tof’melon, koken branwoda pakstoka kru.” ( Stubbon, crazy, foolish people. ) When would they learn? When would they see that the walls, they were building from the broken rocks would end up cutting and harming them.

Opening one eye at the sound of #Harper standing up I held my hand up. Telling her in her tongue to let them be. Now was not the time for anyone to come between the two fools. If nothing else, they needed to let out all they were holding back from the other.

‘Luna, this is getting out of hand.’ #Harper took another step forward. ‘Rey could end up punching him again, if he keeps this up.’ She added; however, she did not see in Reivon ( Raven ), what I saw.

I bolted up from the place I sat, my feet moving me forward towards the two and then I stopped seeing it written on her face. She was never good at hiding her pain, she wore her heart on her sleeves. Reivon ( Raven ), was broken again.

•- John -•

I had so many things I wanted to yell back at her… She was stuck in this illusion that the rest of the Dream Team were like her. But the truth was they’d do anything to ensure that their people survived, and they would do anything for it… including taking the life of an outsider.

She was acting like she would have a say if they tried to strap Emori down and inject her.

Something snapped when tears started to streak down her face. I had to grit my teeth to stop myself from apologising and telling her everything I said was a lie… telling her that none of this was her fault.

I couldn’t speak… the hollow ache inside of me was cutting off my ability to think… or breathe. I turned my gaze back to the open sea ahead and squeezed the wheel until my knuckles turned white. When I heard the door behind me swing shut the hot sting in my eyes, turned to a streak of heat rolling down one cheek.

I was used to pain… I’d been locked up, hung, tortured… stabbed, shot at… taken more than my fair share of beatings… but this…

This pain was going to kill me. Slowly.

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴄʟᴀʀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

All at once Marcus’s vitals all spiked, and he started to convulse on the bed. I ran to the door and screamed.

“Mom!!!! #Jackson!!!”

Into the wide-open space of the main lab. But I returned immediately to his side and started rifling through the drugs that mom left by the bed. The first thing I did was push more painkillers into the I.V. that was delivering a steady drip of pain relief and fluids to the man. Then a sedative to try and stop the tremors.

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

I walked to the farthest edge of the boat, about now I was regretting letting him come with us. Because right now I didn’t want to be anywhere close to him or any of them. I should have come alone, and the moment those thoughts came to my mind I knew what a bad idea it was.

I am intelligent, I know how to get my arse into and out of trouble. But even I know that trying to sail these seas, on this boat that was the only way off the island for the rest of my family. Was an unscrupulous idea.

‘Rey?’ #Harper placed a hand on my shoulder, but I didn’t look back at her. ‘He is wrong. All of that…’ I had to swallow down the bile that arose in my throat, because as much as I loved her, I didn’t believe that Murphy was wrong.

“I am putting you all in danger…” I started to say until she squeezed my shoulder.

‘O needs us…. So… when she called, we came. The others are all trying to fix this world. There is no way I wasn’t going to come with you. This was my choice to come, you didn’t make me.’

•- Marcus -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴇʀɪᴋ ᴊᴀᴄᴋꜱᴏɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I was still caught up with the mess. Dark marks under my eyes due to the recent events and lack of sleep. And

Marcus act of heroism made it no good ; maybe worse.

We were running out of time, running on opposite ways of the tick tock of fate. For a moment I believed we should have gone extinct years ago. Wasn’t that supposed to happen , regardless? Our ancestors made the cut and escaped the first time, maybe earth was just expecting us to get back and kill us all.

But those thoughts made me no good - and made me no better than any of the others. Some were trying to fight for us and so should I ; keep on and believing we could make it. Now, my concerns are on Abby. With Marcus playing dead and her questionable state of mind, what would be of her if she loses her mind?

All these questions are placed aside as #Clarke screams my name, loud enough to bring me back and realise the heart rate alert that is coming from Marcus.

I run into the room; eyes glued on the screen then back at Marcus unstable body.

“He is stopping again,” I say loud enough so #Clarke could listen, the sound of footsteps announces the arrival of both #Monty and #Miller. “ #Clarke , bring me some adrenaline and epinephrine , #Monty I need the defibrillator, n o w!”

As they go for their tasks, my eyes are on the bruised skin, “#Miller, keep an eye on the screen and keep me updated.”

•- Raven -•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʙᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

“What’s going on?” I called out running back from the far side of the lab floor. I’d gone in search for Rey, because I knew she’d spoken to #Octavia last, I saw the message coming in, but with everything going on here in the lab, by the time I was free it was all over. And now #Harper, #Luna and Rey were nowhere to be seen.

‘He is crashing, I don’t know what is happening.’ #Monty shouted out as he ran past me.

“Hells… Marcus… No…!” He wasn’t going to die on me, not now and definitely not after the bombshell he dropped on me before he set himself up as the scape goat without facing my baby sister first.

“What can I do?” I called out coming to a stop in the room they had lay him to heal.

‘Nothing right now, but just be ready in case I need something.’ #Jax called out as he worked on the body that wasn’t even recognisable to anyone who didn’t know the man lying on the bio bed.

“You have to save him Jax, he’s our only hope!” I linked my fingers over my head and then turned to punch the wall. This wasn’t how I saw us trying to save the world.

•- John -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

The peaks of some inland mountains came into view first. The tops of tall trees… but what struck me most was… only weeks ago the tip of the taller mountains were frosted white in part and now they were grey-black rocky ridges. It hadn’t been anything like the thick vast white of the Ice Nation… but the signs of the death wave racing closer were all around us even now.

I pushed open the door of the cabin. “#Harper… Take your new toy onto the prow and tell us what you see.” I swallowed hard and looked at Raven. “Can you try to raise #Octavia, ask her to send us a signal, a piece of glass or metal to catch the sun… anything for #Harper to spot from here?” I didn’t want to bring the boat into a range of Azgeda archers without a clear heading. I throttled down, moving slower hoping that whoever was out there was more worried about finding #Octavia than watching the water. Maybe we’d get lucky, and the water would give them a false sense of security.

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴍᴏɴᴛʏ ɢʀᴇᴇɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I pushed the crash cart next to #Jackson I hadn’t really stopped to think when I heard my name. I just ran. I flipped any of the switches that looked vital, and I heard a hum inside the machine. #Jackson reacted instantly to the sound by shouting out. 'Charge to 120.’

I wasn’t a medical apprentice but the huge dial with the number around it was pretty self-explanatory. I cranked it to one hundred and twenty, it made the sound again and a light went green.

“It’s ready.” I said to #Jackson hoping that it was. #Jackson picked up the paddle and called out 'Clear!’ he placed them on Marcus’s black and red pox marked chest. I cringed at the sickening thud and the way his body arched up into an inhuman position. Moved back to his bedside and stared at the monitors. #Bellamy came to stand next to me… Neither of us really knew what we should do.

'Still no rhythm.’ #Clarke said back, and she was rifling through the drugs and #Jackson barked. 'Push another ten of epi.’ #Clarke was already there with putting a needle in Marcus’s I.V. bag, it was like they were reading each other’s minds. 'Charge to one sixty.’

It took a second for me to realize he was talking to me; #Bellamy nudged me with his elbow. I turned the dial and waited for the green light before I called, “Charged.”

This went on for what seemed like hours, but in reality, I knew it was only a few minutes. Then I heard that familiar rhythmic beeping return, and I sighed in relief and looked from #Clarke to #Jackson. “Is it over?”

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

‘On it.’ #Harper jumped to action but there was a bite to her words. And the way she looked at John told me that in her eyes 𝙈𝙪𝙧𝙥𝙝𝙮 was back. Everything we had done to build some trust within the group was slowly melting away one by one.

I didn’t say anything, reaching into the bag beside my feet I took out the radio, switching the long distance to short. Hoping with my mental fingers crossed that we would not be out of range for #Octavia to hear us.

“O? are you there?” I asked letting the button go and hearing nothing. I switched channels and tried again. “O? come in. Are you there?” there was nothing but static returned.

‘Dula op Yu fig raun Okteivia ste ku?’ ( Do you think Octavia is okay? ) #Luna moved to gain a better view point off the edge of the boat.

“Octavia Blake, I swear.” I’d changed the channel again.

‘You have started swearing now Rey?’ Relief filled me when I hear her sarcasm on the other side. ‘Any chance you can get your arse over here before you start threatening to blow me up?’ She continued.

“Blake Junior…” I stopped myself because that was a nickname I’d picked up from John. “Just shine something out to sea will you. So, we can pinpoint where you are.” I let the button go, and when I glanced at the two ladies before me, I saw their shoulders relax a little at hearing her voice.

‘We are at the Rover, but we are on it.’ Only now did I glance back over my shoulder towards John, I knew he heard it all.

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴄʟᴀʀᴋᴇ ɢʀɪꜰꜰɪɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

Adrenaline was coursing in my veins, making it hard for me to catch a breath. I was working on auto pilot the way I had for years while helping my mom. But this time, I was trying to save the man she was in love with. She may not have said it to me, but by the way she glanced at him, she spoke to him, and the punch she gave him when he showed up here on the island spoke volumes.

‘𝘐𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳?‘ I heard #Monty asking in a low voice, that could have been drowned out from the sounds that were surrounding us right now. I dropped my head forward with a frown creasing my forehead.

“For this time, but it wasn’t easy.” My hands were shaking, and I set the syringe down on the metal table beside the bio bed. How much more of this could Marcus’s body take? There was no… My thoughts stopped as my eyes homed in on a spot under his rib cage.

“Jax, do you see this?” Gently lifting the chancellor’s arm to the side. “Is that radiation blister healing?” Or was it my eyes playing a trick on me?

•- Abby -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

While learning to become a doctor, I was trained for all kinds of medical issues. But nothing prepared me for the complete and utter fear that consumed me when all hell broke loose inside this small space. I was frozen with it. The world narrowed down to just one person who laid motionless on the bed while everyone else rushed to assist him Logically, I knew that I needed to break through it and help him. I was the doctor here. But yet it was as if my feet would be rooted to the ground as I watched in fear as they worked on saving him. The surprise in Clarke’s voice snapped me out of everything and I moved towards him. Needing to see what is going on. Shock filled my entire being as I see that his skin was healing.

“Jackson draw some blood. Where is everyone else. I have finish tweaking the serum.”

•- Marcus -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴋᴀɴᴇ’s ᴍɪɴᴅ

My eyes are shut, and the knees are glued to the ground as I have the feeling that I can recognise these symptoms. I am not looking but I can hear the corpus trembling on the table and then the voices.

Those familiar voices.

The beeping, the commands, the defibrillator pulse … I could hear it all. I am numb and by the time silence came, when the body – my body - finally stopped chocking, I was still on the floor. And I was afraid to open my eyes.

The hush lasted a few seconds, but it felt like hours.

‘𝘐𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳?’ I heard #Monty asking on my … left? His voice was so near that I almost jumped at the sound of it.

My eyes instinctively open. The light hits my orbs as a blurry image begin to build before my eyes. I recognize the ceiling. The lips curve up by themselves and I feel so weightless, calm, and peaceful. I blink. ⠀

“𝘑𝘢𝘹, 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴?” #Clarke says and for a moment I believe she is talking to me as a wide smile cross my features, however, she ignores my face and reaches for my arm, lifting it to the side. “𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨?”

“Clarke?” I called; my voice sounds less muffed than I expected. However, she doesn’t look at me. Then I heard her, Doctor Griffin. “𝘑𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘸 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥. 𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦. 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘶𝘮.”, she said.

“Abby?”, I said. Nothing. “Abby.” I tried again but they were caught up in their own conversations. I push up and sit, leaving the bed to stand by her side. I turn and find Abigail standing there. “Abby?”, I called again standing before her face. Then I turn to Jackson, doing the same with every one of them.

“SOMEONE!”, I scream, but they all ignore me.

I look down… then I notice. I am there with them, surrounded by my people. However, my body is not, the corpses is deeply frozen in the bed in comma. But I can see them all, I can see myself. And I panic. I am here, and I am there … No. No. NO! This is not possible. It’s not logical. My eyes check the monitors on the right. The heart is beating. The pulse is stable … What the actual fuck is wrong here?

“𝗠𝗮𝗿𝗰𝘂𝘀?”, I hear my name. A sense of ecstasy ran through my body as I look up to view the source of the voice, nearly freezing at the sight of the woman who called my name.

“Au- Aurora?”, My voice is broken. Frightened.

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴄʟᴀʀᴋᴇ ɢʀɪꜰꜰɪɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

“Mom!” I called at her a few times before she dragged herself out of whatever place she had become frozen in. I knew she hadn’t said it in so many words, but she cared for him. Marcus had done something that we all wanted to help with, and my mind when to the discarded vial still sat on the table. Why hadn’t he just waited for us all. A question I feel like we all would be asking for a while.

“Mom, take a look here.” I moved to the side giving both her and Jax space to look, but Jackson was on the move taking Mom’s orders and running with it, giving me time to start working down the side of Marcus’s body. My eyes searching each inch. “And here…. Here he is healing.” As I worked down to his legs, and the bottom of his feet. “Hells… His feet, the bottom of them…”

‘Hells!’ #Bellamy was beside me looking. ‘They were blistered so badly before, but now… Now they aren’t even oozing. What does this mean?’

I frowned at him, and kicked his foot nodding to my mom, she may be a doctor but right now, she didn’t need to hear this. “It means that we are close to this thing becoming a viable solution. But the question is do we have the time to create it and share it out?”

『ᴇʀɪᴄ ᴊᴀᴄᴋꜱᴏɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

Already on it Abby, I rushed to run around #Bellamy and he stepped out of my way, dancing around the table I was right back were I started beside Clarke. She was right, I couldn’t believe my eyes and nor could she by the way she was glancing between us all.

The needle point pricked the callused, and blistering skin on Kane’s inner thigh, the only place I knew where there were veins worth a try. I heard my name again as #Monty asked if there was anything else they could do, and #Clarke asked them to just back up from the bio bed.

Drawing two vials of blood I set them down beside the bed on the metal table, then I started to follow Clarke’s lead with checking over the other side of Kane’s body. “I have some on this side too.” I glanced over to the monitors. “He’s heart rate is elevated again.” There were some spikes, and yet there was no movement in him to say that something was happening.

“Everyone is right here Abby.” I glanced around the room at the fear filled faces of #Nate, #Bellamy, #Monty, #Clarke, #Jasper was hiding in the back, and Emori was stood beside him holding on to his arm with fear in her eyes too. Then my eyes settled on Abby’s. Why did she need us all here?

“The serum?” I asked Abby, and then my eyes dropped to Kane. “Are we really going to do this to another living being? Especially if we cannot share it out like we planned to when we first came here?”

‘So, you want us to give it up?’ #Nate asked stepping forward. And I didn’t have an answer for him, all I knew was that Kane on this bio bed was going against every oath I took to help and to save.

•- John -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

Harper jumped to her station… but there was no doubt that she was pissed at me. I almost felt guilty… I knew the reason I was pushing Raven away. But I had somehow reverted completely into keeping people at arm’s length. It was one extreme to the other.

I started to correct our course towards the docks, but still kept out of archer range. I turned back; seeing the relief on Raven’s face when #Octavia’s voice crackled through the radio. My heart swelled painfully. “Are they still under attack?” I asked her, but before she could answer #Harper gave a low whistle. 'Murphy.’ She pointed towards the shore where there was a flickering light from between the trees. I scanned the shoreline.

“What have we got over there, Harper?”

'We have Ice Nation Archers in the trees between us and them… at least seven on the ground… They could be around or on the Rock line… I can’t tell from here.’

#Luna had been Leaning over the side of the boat scanning the trees too. 'Raven… Tell them to go east… to the cliffs.’ She blurted out in a rush. My eyes scanned to the east.

“You want them to jump?” I was stunned.

'I want to avoid unnecessary gonplie (gun-play). This way we don’t risk the boat or any lives.’ #Luna was all about the path of least resistance. But this was madness.

“#Skaikru can’t swim Luna!” I stared at her incredulously. She was already shrugging out of her jacket and boots.

'That’s where you and I come in!’ She grinned at me. She had gone completely mad if she thought I was jumping into monster-infested waters.

•- Emori -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

Standing back from the crowd, I watched the mayhem that surrounded Kane. My entire body screamed that I needed to run. Yet once again I stayed. My eyes scanned everyone in the room. Where was John? With Doc saying it was time to test the newly improved serum, I wasn’t having any warm and fuzzy feelings about my safety.

“Come on John, where are you?” I whisper to myself and wait for the others to protest or not. But how would this play out? I am the only one here that wasn’t a vital member of this group. Logic told me; I was going to be the next crispy bacon.

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴍᴀɪɴʟᴀɴᴅ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴏᴄᴛᴀᴠɪᴀ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

“You want us to what?” ducking down so that my head didn’t turn into a pin cushion for Ice Nations arrows, I looked at the radio held in my hands in shock.

‘I know, I know. But O… Please… yu don bida Wich op ( have some trust ).’ Raven’s trig was getting better than I remember, but still. What were those crazy fools thinking?

“Yu get, in Ai laik nou swima, ait?” ( You understand, I’m no fish, right?) But really, what in hells name were they thinking? I couldn’t swim and neither could any of the others from Skaikru. Could the people with me from Trikru?

‘Dison laik son swima op ona rein.’ ( This is a waste of time. ) I got my answer without needing to ask from behind.

“Oso gyon au ogeda, o Oso wan op ogeda. Yu sad in…” ( We go together, or we die together. You choose�� ) I growled at them. It was time, they needed to step up, trust, and follow me, or we could meet our maker here and now.

‘Oso na mafta op Yu!’ ( We will follow you! ) The voices echoed.

“I’m trusting you Rey…. See you over the cliffs.”

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

“Sounds like they are still under attack John!” I couldn’t believe it. “Oh Hells!!” some part of me thought that O would tell us to find another way, I was stood here thinking of how to make it work. But seeing how #Luna was getting herself ready, told me that there was nothing more we could do.

“They are going to the cliffs…. They are going to jump… Are you sure about this?” I asked #Luna and she winked at me pulling her big, curly hair out of the way, and tying it back.

‘Wich op raun Ai?’ ( Trust in me? ) she asked.

“Otaim… strisis” ( Always… sister ), I didn’t even need to think about it.

‘Good, go take the boat from Jon, and watch out for the attack.’ She told me and I did as I was asked.

•- Marcus -•

⠀ ╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴋᴀɴᴇ’s ᴍɪɴᴅ

There she was. Arms folded before her chest and a very serene yet caring smile dancing upon her lips. #Aurora looked as young as I remembered her; not slightly close to the torn and terrified woman I saw being ejected almost eighteen years ago. And despite of being glimmered by her presence. Blinded by the unbelievable sight of that woman I once loved and cared about, the only words I was able to form were:

“Am I dead?”

Not surprisingly, the question sounded more shaken than expected. The woman, on the other hand, chuckled and pulled away from the wall. She crossed the room, and no one seem to notice her presence. Our presence. But how could they know #Aurora was here if she was dead? Dead.

We killed her. We floated her eighteen years ago.

‘It must be a hallucination’, I told myself, panicking in a dreaded silence as the room seemed to fade and my attention is on her.

#Aurora was now standing closer. And I could feel her hand on my forearm as she reaches for me. That familiar touch. Mrs. Blake was looking at me. Her expression so tranquil I could swear she was alive. Her skin seems so soft, well catered for; young and . . . Beautiful?

“You are not dead, Marcus.”, she told me and the tone in her voice was sweet. “Not yet.”

Her eyes shift and I instinctively follow the gaze. I choked at the sight of my body laid in the mattress. I didn’t bother to pay attention on what #Jackson, #Clarke, #Bellamy or the others were saying at this point because at the sight of my burned skin I shivered. I wanted to touch me, but I pulled back before doing it so.

With a bruise of that size, I should be dead. But why I wasn’t? Did it meant Abby’s serum worked? And Dr. Griffin face came to my thoughts, filling my chest with some sort of pride and warmth before I hear #Aurora speaks again.

“But you do look awful. And you are certainly in coma” she said. “I am impressed. You are a brave man, Kane. I admire that. Not many would have the guts to volunteer to test like that.”

“Are you just my mind?” I asked ignoring her comment. My eyes still running over the inflamed flesh. “Am I crazy or is this real? Are you real?” And as the last question came, I had my eyes rested on her.

Again, a smile.

“A bit of both.” She said, “This, me, is as real as you wish it to be. However, we are not inside your head. What you see is exactly what is happening at the moment.

“It is just a different perspective.”

“It is not possible,” I said. The words sounding slightly reluctant.

“And yet we are here.” #MrsBlake said once again folding her arms. “Would you rather be dead than roaming I would gladly want to forget it in the morning.

The answer to her question was sort and fresh inside my mind.

“No” the words came out of my lips followed by a deep sigh. As much as I ejected myself with the serum, as much as I had tried to convince it was for the greater good, that it was for #Octavia’s sake, deep down I knew it was a lie. I wasn’t willing to die; I wasn’t ready for it. I didn’t want to, otherwise, I would have met my fate long ago.

“Good. You made me a promise to watch over the children for me and you better keep it.” she said. “Come, I believe we have a lot to discuss.”

Without questioning, I followed her. But not before glancing at my burned body once last time.

•- John -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

"Fuck!" I muttered under my breath. #Luna was preparing to jump in... My eyes were on the cliffs but there was still no sign of movement. Listening to Raven speaking trig stirred something deep inside of me. When she came to the cabin, I froze for a second. "Just pull back the throttle to slow the boat so we can climb back up and then forward to speed up and bank hard to get away from the cliffs and out of archer range." My voice was low and hesitant, my eyes glued to her... I was going into the ocean.

There was a strong chance I would never get out again. Even if I didn't down... that sea monster could be anywhere. I had been so resolved, so sure that she should never know how I feel. But now... looking at her, thinking that it could be the last time I saw her. My mouth went dry at the thought. I wavered.

It was selfish, but I wanted to come clean, I wanted to tell her everything. I knew it was selfish... to let all of that out and then potentially die? I couldn't do that to her. At least if she hated me, it wouldn't hurt her if I didn't make it back to the boat.

I sighed and stepped out of the cabin and dropped my jacket where Luna had dropped hers and the handgun in the back of my jeans. I kicked out of my boots I pull out the knife that I kept in one of them and slid it into my belt.

'They're almost at the edge of the hull and launched herself over the ledge and plunged into the water. I took a deep breath and followed her. Trying to remember everything #Luna and #Emori had taught me. The water wasn't as cold as I expected... I knew that was a bad thing. It meant the death wave was even closer now. I looked up just in time to see Octavia leap from the cliffs. I swam like hell to get to her as more bodies started to drop and arrows flew through the air between them.

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

Everything else was forgotten for now. All I could think of were our people who were about to jump off the side of a cliff, because I told them it was safe.

Nodding my head I listened to John, my eyes on the throttle, the levers, and the boat. “Okay. Pull back to slow. Forward to speed up. Bank hard to get away from the cliffs and out of range.” I repeated it to him and then a few times to myself.

Stepping back and then stood still. Why had it felt like John had wanted to say something? Was he going to have another dig at me? Afterall them being here in danger was on me. I could have brought #Nate or #Bells. Hells even #Monty would have come happily. But they were all needed on the island. And now…

While I cleared my mind and thoughts, he turned to leave, and I let him go to join #Luna. Only then did I step up to take my place behind the wheel. It wasn’t until I watched them taking their boots and clothes off did, I start to realise what they were actually going to do.

“Hells! Do you need to jump in there? Can’t we throw the ropes in there for them?” I shouted out. But #Luna was already climbing up and readying herself.

‘Rey, Shall I throw the ropes in?’ Harper was watching the shoreline with her weapon at the ready.

‘You keep watch, Jon and I will get them.’ #Luna looked ready and then she and John were both gone and bodies started to fly off the cliffs.

“Fuck!” I did as I was told and kept the boat out of the range of the arrows. The screaming and shouts were deafening to my ears and then add to it the gun shots that started. #Harper was being clever with her shots, only firing when there was no other way to stop someone from harming those who were resistant and frozen at the top of the cliff.

“Come on… come on… come on…” My feet wouldn’t stop shaking as I saw the first arm come around the ledge of the boat. #Harper reached out and pulled them out of the water, and then dropped them on the deck going back to shooting up to the cliff.

“Move… Move out from the clearing…” I shouted out as one by one more and more started to come onboard, but the guys were shaking from the shock of it all.

‘Chesi… Chesi… Chesi…!’ ( Sea monster… Sea monster… Sea monster…! ) Voices echoed all around us and I wasn’t sure where or what they were talking about.

‘What are they saying?’ #Harper shouted over them at me.

“Sea monster?” I told her… But… “FUCK!” I saw the dark shadow coming up behind a woman who was from Trikru. “SWIM! SWIM TO THE BOAT!! HARPER… THE WATER!” But she was on it. She lined the shot and fired. Sounds came out of the water.

‘Shit… I think I pissed it off.’ She looked frightened but pulled herself together as more arrows came raining down on us.

•- Abby -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

My mind raced with the possibility that Marcus would survive this. I hadn't failed him. Slowly, inch by inch, his skin was starting to heal. But if the serum worked why did he burn the way he did. While #Luna had a reaction to radiation it was nothing compared to what Marcus went through. She had some burns but nothing to the extent that he suffered. It was something to ponder on. It also made me a bit weary to try again but what other choice did we have.

The sound of a throat being cleared drawled my attention away from the slowly healing body to #Monty.

'Kane asked me to give this to you just in case things got bad. But I waited until now. There is hope.'

I looked at the paper in his hand, wondering if I truly wanted to read whatever he wanted to tell me about no matter in case he died. Even that thought caused my heart to hurt. I sent a silent prayer up to whatever higher power there was.

𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘣𝘦 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺. 𝘓𝘦𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴. 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘧 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮.

Taking the letter, I carefully open it. On it, Marcus's handwriting laid sprawled over the page. My eyes watered. Making me question if these would be the last words that I ever get from him. Even with his body on the mend, logically, I knew that his body may still not survive. There was only so much pain and trauma that we can handle before our minds and bodies give up.

I close my eyes for a brief moment, just to stop the tears from falling. When I open them I read every single word.

History had promised a better future by allowing us to learn from our mistakes. We were so wrong about being able to be coming back to earth after so many years of humanity space run experience. The world we wrote about in the books – it no longer exists.

But we do. We made it so far, surviving each day by betraying our own kind – our own blood. I regret the vote I had called ‘yes’ back on the Ark. I regret the blood unnecessarily spilled. I regret the pain and the life most of you never got a chance to cherish. I regret most of my choices, but this one I do not. I need you to understand this went beyond duties or maturity. I had to do this for myself. There is no one to blame.

I look back at the small family we have worked on building, and I am proud of you and all I ask of forgiveness. May you be able to look at each other, to take care and be strong. In the end, we are all we have left.

Abigail Griffin, I now speak to you. If you are reading this, then I should be gone. And I am sorry I could not keep my promise. Abby, I tried. I had to do this, and you know why. You would have done the same for her ( (by her I meant Clarke, but there was no need to say her name as no one knew about Octavia.) And I beg you to watch over them, the next generation. I love you and I passed with thoughts of you. I am sorry I could not be a better man for the incredible woman you are. Try again, Abby. You can do this serum work. I trust you.

Be Brave,

-Kane

There was no point in trying to stop the tears that now flowed from her eyes. I knew that this letter wasn't just for me and even to the end he was trying to save her. He didn't want me to be pissed at him. But I was. It didn't matter if it made me a hypocrite, he had no right to do it. It should have been me. I had debated on doing it myself. But he forced me to stay and watch him burn. Anger burned within my gut. Anger and a tragic sense of loss. How dare he! Letting the anger fuel, me, I wiped the tears and stood up, and stomped over to where Marcus laid. Without a second thought, I pummelled his chest.

"How dare you! Wake your ass up! You don't get to tell me that and die, you bastard! Wake up!"

Anguish broke through my anger as I continued hitting his chest.

"Wake up! You can't leave me."

•- Raven -•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʙᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ ʙʟᴀᴋᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

What in the name of Hells was happening around here? Rey, #Luna and #Harper were M.I.A. and now that I thought of it. Murphy was nowhere to be seen too.

Rey never just— I stopped that thought because who was I kidding. Since coming to this island that girl had gone it alone so many times, that I wasn’t sure what she was capable of anymore. ( Not that we knew the answer to that question before either. ) And Murphy? What was going on there with that one? He was always following Rey, #Luna and Emori around.

My eyes came to rest on Emori stood by #Jordan, so if she was here—. That thought was cut into when I heard #Griffin and #Jackson talking. A glimmer of hope in their eyes and voices as they did their medical heads thing. Leaving #Nate and me, to stand here hoping that this would mean we could get going.

Before Marcus had gotten on the path of martyrdom, the news he broke had me reeling. But I didn’t want him to die for it. I just wanted to be with my sister. The sooner they were done here, the sooner we could go back to #Octavia.

Once again, my thoughts were stopped with the screeching of the doctors voice. She dropped something from her hand and started towards the others. I had no choice but to take the paper from #Monty’s hands after he retrieved it. Reading the writing on it that I knew belonged to Kane.

“Now he thinks it was wrong to come back down here? And how many lives did we need to lose for that epiphany to strike?” #Monty nudged me, and my hand out of habit went to the blade on my side.

Stopping when I saw it was him. I needed to cool the fuck down. Being on edge wasn’t good for me or those around me.

And then all hell broke out with the doctor. “Shit!” Had she lost her mind? What was she doing?

•- Marcus -•

|(• ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴋᴀɴᴇ’s ᴍɪɴᴅ •)|

Walking down the corridor, I stayed a few steps behind #Aurora. The voices in the room where my body lay sounded distant now and there was silence between the mother of my daughter and me. Nonetheless, I follow the woman towards the stairs and mindlessly rest my hand over the bar as I climb up not more than two steps before I feel a bump in my chest. Then another. And another.

“Marcus? What’s wrong?” Blake asked. Thankfully I had my hand on the wall because the third bump made me step back.

“Something is wrong with my bod–” I tried to say before I feel it again. Then I hear the voices echoing through the passageway. And I blink before heading back to the improvised hospital room.

No words came to me as I watched Abigail heavily knocking on my chest. For some reason I could feel her hands every time she hits my burned skin; even when I couldn’t feel the needles #Jackson had injected on me earlier. Many thoughts came to me, but I cast them away as logic has no room to the ‘afterlife’, coma, aura, or whatever experience I am caught in.

“𝑊𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑢𝑝! 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑐𝑎𝑛’𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒.”,

Abby says aguishly. I had a hand over my chest as I step forward, something only #Aurora could see as I try to embrace the doctor from behind, tightening my invisible arms around her. I whisper in her ear.

“I am here, Abby. I haven’t left you.” The tone in my voice is firm and trustworthy. And there is a tear there. A glimmering liquid that rolls down my cheek.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ɴᴀᴛʜᴀɴ ᴍɪʟʟᴇʀ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

Hope. That is all we had left, right? The serum seemed to be betraying us, however, I couldn’t cope with the thought of giving up. So, I kept staring at #Jackson after I questioned him if he was expecting us to simply give up.

He did not reply and by the look in his eyes I could tell he agreed with me; even though he wasn’t ready to admit it. I understand his reasons.

I take a step back, turning to pay attention on what #Monty and the doctor were talking, only turning to face #Bellamy across the room to avoid my curious eyes to rest over the letter Marcus left for Doctor Griffin. I wish I had read it though, because the next thing I see is the woman losing it and going straight to the unconscious body of the former Chancellor.

It took me a while, but it took one exchange of look between #Jackson and I to make me act. I step forward, instinctively tighten my arms around her from behind before I embrace the woman.

“Calm down, Abby.” I speak. “He won’t make it if you keep hurting him. Shhhh . . . Calm down”

•- Raven -•

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴍᴏɴᴛʏ ɢʀᴇᴇɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

“Hells…” What was happening here? Had it been a mistake? Should I not have given Doctor Griffin the letter? My eyes moved to #Jasper stood with Emori on the far side of the lab in search for some help. When he waved me over, I didn’t think twice about it, I could tell that he didn’t want to be dragged into the middle of what was happened. I rushed over to stand beside the two of them.

‘You did the right thing.’ How did he always know what I was thinking. ‘She was going to find it at some point. Better she beat the crap out of the Chancellor now while he is out of it, than when he is awake.’ I looked at my friend in utter shock, and at the same time I also understood what he meant.

“That slap is still ringing in my ears.” I muttered stepping back away.

‘Just stay out the way of this one. Clarke and Jax can handle it, maybe even Bellamy.’ He nodded his chin towards the fray. ‘See, even Nate is getting in on the action.’

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴄʟᴀʀᴋᴇ ɢʀɪꜰꜰɪɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

“Mom! Stop!” My voice echoed around the tall walls of the lab, there was madness afoot, and my mother was in the middle of it.

‘Nate, let her go!’ I shouted at him; I knew that he wasn’t hurting her. But it was my mom.

‘Clarke…’ Jackson called out looking over the black blood oozing out of the wounds over Marcus’s chest.

“Crap.” I mustered the energy to still speak.

‘Still want me to let go of her?’ Mom was still fighting and yet I could see the tears and the pain in her face.

“Mom, please… Stop… Stop this!” I rushed back to the side of the bio bed, while Jackson worked to stop the bleeding, I pumped some more pain meds into the I.V.

“Jasper, Monty… Emori…. Could one of you please grab us some more gores for the wounds?” I pointed to the supply cupboard behind where the three stood.

•- John -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

“No ropes!” I called to both of them before I jumped. “They’ll get sucked in the propellers and we can’t afford to shut off the engine. We’ll have to pull them up the hard way.”

The water wasn’t trying to suck me under. The human body was built to thread the surface of the water. Swimming was an inherent human ability… it was physics… right? I mean the grounders that taught me to swim had no idea what that meant…. But it was… physics? Why didn’t I pay attention in physics? Oh right… I was a fucking idiot!

I couldn’t stop thinking about the look on Raven’s face… but a shrill cry from the cliffs had me swimming faster. #Luna was already ahead of me. “Luna!!!” I screamed and the tang of saltwater filled my mouth. “Get #Octavia!” She was the first to hit the water… she was a leader; the others had followed her off a cliff for fuck sake. She’d won the conclave, #Luna may have run from hers… but she knew how important she was. We couldn’t lose her.

#Luna started towing her towards the boat while I scanned the others. A grounder girl with thick dreadlocks and dark skin was supporting a Skaikru guy I didn’t recognise. I saw a hand disappear below the water. “Shit.” I dove, fighting the sting to keep my eyes open and find the drowning…. Girl… Fuck! She couldn’t be more than fourteen.

My arm looped around the girl’s waist, and I kicked us to the surface. She sucked in a sharp breath and immediately started to cough up water. Her chest rocked violently with the intensity of the cough; I knew she’d inhaled water.

She flailed her arms and legs. “Stop! We need to get to the boat. I can’t help you when you’re kicking around like that.” She stilled... more or less and I dragged her to the boat. I saw a few people get pulled up and some of them started to reach over to pull up others.

I heard the dreaded screams… I knew that word. A scream behind me was abruptly silenced; someone had been pulled under but the damned thing. Blood bubbled up in the water all around and the girl panicked. We slipped under the water for a second. She was wailing, terrified. “Charlotte! Stop! I’ll get you to the boat, but you need to stop trashing around!” A few hands were reaching down for her. I passed her up to them

Bullets rang out and I twisted in the water a new stream of blood was moving quickly away from the boat. #Harper had hit it. It was heading for #Luna who was swimming back out to help the last jumper. This fucker was not having her. Hands were reaching down for me now but I yanked the knife from my belt and swam. I heard my name shrieked from the boat…

It was too fast… shadow circled beneath #Luna as she reached the man. I dragged the blade over my own arm without stopping to think about it. I trashed loudly in the water and screamed.

“Hey!!! Over here, you ugly bastard!!”

The shadow spun in a tight circle. “Yeah, you remember how I taste! Come and get me you overgrown worm!”

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴊᴀꜱᴘᴇʀ ᴊᴏʀᴅᴀɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

#Monty gave a curt nod when I assured him that he had done the right thing. When #Clarke called for help he was the first to spring forward. The black blood on the Chancellors stark white dressings was stomach-churning.

I took a step back. My chest tightened and I turned to look at Emori. I couldn’t have another panic attack in front of her. I knew that freezing the way I had was bad… very, very bad. I opened my mouth to speak… but nothing came out. I just stood there with my mouth hanging open like a moron.

The doc screamed again and the air rushed out of me in an instant. “I… I can’t. I stepped back again and turned to leave. I couldn’t watch Abby like this. I couldn’t watch Marcus die like #Maya did. I made my way into a bathroom. The mirror was shattered and there was dry blood dripped over the skin and the white tiled floor. “What the fuck is going on in this place!?” I grumbled and paced, trying to remember Luna’s magic words.

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʜᴀʀᴘᴇʀ ᴍᴄɪɴᴛʏʀᴇ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

“Shit… Shit… SHIT!” What was I thinking when I shot at the monster in the sea? Was it even a monster? Well, it was something, and it was big, and it was now going after Luna and Octavia.

“Rey, back it up a little.” Another barrage of arrows came whistling down from the cliff top and a few of the attackers started to ready themselves to jump. Until they saw what was in the water. I reloaded my riffle and stood guard.

“Hurry!” I pushed the people by my side back. “Move to the far end of the boat and keep low. And you…” I Pointed to the man hanging out the side of the boat lifting people in. “KEEP MOVING!” Gun shot went off when I saw archer readying again.

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʀᴀᴠᴇɴ ʀᴇʏᴇꜱ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I did as Harper asked of me, moving the boat out of the way a little so that we were out of range of the arrows. “But this means we are moving away from the people—” My voice got cut off when I saw who was left in the water. “No… LUNA!!! O!!! JOHN!!” Hells they were still in there?

My hands tightened to the point that my knuckles were white as ghosts, we couldn’t throw the rope out. John has warned us against it. I couldn’t jump in. I wasn’t that strong of a swimmer; Hells I’d only just learnt how to float in the pool at the mansion.

“Can someone Help them?” I shouted out, so much was going on, everyone shouting and screaming. And then I saw and understood what the grounders were doing. I started to scream and shout with them. They were trying to get the attention of the monster off those left in the water. They were trying to save their commander. #Octavia had won the conclave, which meant that she was now their leader.

A Few of the men were trying to jump back into the water, they were shouting out to #O, that was when I saw him.

“John! No…”

What was he doing? The water turned red around him as #Luna swam hard with #Octavia by her side.

“I swear John… Luna…” If he and #Luna made it out of this alive, I was planning to kill them both.

•- Emori -•

To say all hell broke loose after the doc was handed what I assumed to be a letter from the currently crispy paperweight.

I watched with my mouth hanging wide open as she beat his chest. What struck me the most was the look on her face. All of her pain and anger oozed out of her with each bang of her fists connecting with his chest. It was amplified by anguish in her voice.

Time seemed slow as everyone watched and as if reality demanded his due everything resumed when #Miller wrapped his arms around the doc, pulling her away from the now oozing crispy bacon. Then it was like time demanded more and a flurry of action sped everything.

I watched #Clarke trying to calm a struggling Abby while #Jasper made an escape, to only the past commanders know where, and a demand for help. I looked around and decided to grab the gauze that was requested. Then I stood awkwardly beside the table not sure how to even help.

Surviving the entirety of my existence on the ground, I learned how to fix myself up but there was only so much a person can recover from. This was past my expertise.

"How do I help?"

•- John -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

#Luna swam like a bat out of hell. Another volley of arrows came barrelling down from the cliffs... I spun back to see the boat... it was still in range. 'Murphy! Move!!!' #Octavia screamed as she clung to #Luna.

I had taken my eyes off the monster and when I whirled back, it was gone. "Fuck!" The water around me was bloodied; I couldn't even spot a shadow. Then, bullets hit the water very close to me. #Harper was shooting at me!!! Well, extremely close to me....

"What the. –"

My shriek was cut off when the sea creature burst from the water next to me; with holes puckering its skin. I didn't stop to think, I slashed out once and embedded my knife in what I could only assume was its head; it was where the teeth were... so it had to be vital. I slashed the knife and it sliced through the thing like it had no bones. Leaving a wide-open gash... without pausing I kicked my legs as hard as I could and followed the retreating boat.

I could see #Luna and #Octavia reached the boat, without a passenger in tow I gained on them but not easily. Exhaustion was creeping in… I hadn’t been in the water that long. I was never going swimming again, it was draining. I reached up and felt someone grab my arm. I was hoisted over the edge and vaguely aware of hitting the deck, glancing at the blood still free flowing from my arm. Had I really cut it that deep?

Pain bolted through me when someone clamped down on the wound, I cried out and my vision started to fold in at the corners, narrowing until there was only hazel eyes... but it couldn’t be… she was at the wheel, and she hated me too much to look at with this particular brand of fury and concern. #Luna had brown eyes… but hers weren’t as golden… Then stars flecked the sky, was it already sunset? Then nothing.

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴄʟᴀʀᴋᴇ ɢʀɪꜰꜰɪɴ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I reached out for the gauze, only after I pressed it to the wound I had uncovered, did I realize that it was Emori helping. #Monty struggled to reconnect a wire that had come undone during my mother’s attack. “Can you put pressure here, to stop the bleeding?” I pressed a wad of it to the largest bleeding sore. I could take a minute to thank her later, right now we needed to lower his heart rate, but he was maxed out on meds as it was… I took Emori’s hand and pressed it down. “Not too hard, it’s just a surface burn.” We didn’t need to add to that pain.

I looked at the monitors, they were blaring wildly. I moved around the bed and peeled another dressing from his chest. The black blood oozing from his sternum sent flashes of #Lexa’s mortal wound into my mind. But still, there was raw, red, and pink flesh between the deeper burns… and the new sensitive skin. “He really is healing.” I muttered to myself, not wanting to raise any hope. #Jackson prodded fresh skin along his neck, and we exchanged a look.

There was hope… but was it enough hope to share with the others yet? If one more silver thread was cut… this group could fracture.

I turned to my mom, grabbing a reaper stick, and crossing to where #Nate held her. “Mom!” I snapped at her, just to get her attention. “You need to calm down. You need to sleep, and you need to eat… you’re losing control. You could have killed him.” I held the reaper stick threateningly close to her throat and to my own horror… no one seemed to think my actions were as horrifying as they felt. “I know that you’re hurting but he isn’t gone yet. He could come back to you. But if you won’t rest…” My eye swam and my throat constricted. “Then I will make you. Please.” I felt a traitorous tear slide down my cheek. “Please, Mom. Don’t. Make. Me.” I begged.

•- Raven -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴀᴛ

‘RAVEN GO!!!!’ The voices came over all the noise on the boat and I did as I was told. My head turned over my shoulder, I hit the lever to send the boat backwards, but it jolted forwards and hit something.

‘RAVEN!’ I heard #Harper.

“I Know… I KNOW!” I shouted back as a volley of arrows came down and some of them hit the deck, narrowly missing the people.

‘RAVEN!’ I heard my name again as I changed directions of the boat and hit it hard to get us out of danger.

“Saying my name is NOT helping!” I shouted back. The beast was on our tail, and I felt the boat being pushed off course, but I managed to correct it.

When we were on the move that was when I dared to glance back. There were faces in the distance still looking out to sea and following us, so I changed our direction. We didn’t need them watching to see where we were going. Even knowing that we had the only boat, I had to make sure.

‘Where are you going Raven, we need to get—’ I cut #Luna off and told her what I was doing. However, when I glanced back to the deck and saw the look on her face, then I followed her gaze down.

“Hells… Is he okay? Is He okay?” Fuck! Fuck!... I couldn’t go to see for myself. “Will someone tell me?” Fuck my heart was sinking when I saw him go limp and tears rolled down my eyes. He was dead? John Murphy was dead… And I was the reason for it… He shouldn’t even be here. I told him not to come….

‘He is breathing.’ #Luna called out, ‘But we need to get him back to the doctor now.’

I felt the pit of my stomach drop, there were feelings I couldn’t understand. And maybe I could. Even if he didn’t trust me. I still thought of John Murphy as my friend… He was as much a part of our family as any other on that island.

‘Rey.’ #Octavia was dripping wet; she could hardly stand but she put an arm around me. ‘Thank you all for coming to get me… us…’ I wiped my tears, but they weren’t stopping.

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

『 ꜰʀᴏᴍ ɴᴀᴛʜᴀɴ ᴍɪʟʟᴇʀ'ꜱ ᴘᴏᴠ 』

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. #Clarke’s tear-filled eyes met mine and in them I saw the fear and pain of what it was she was threatening to do. In that moment I saw the face of my own father. The pride he once had in me and then the pain and hurt I caused him the day he stood there watching them close the door on my cell on the Ark.

“Clarke.” My voice cracked and I shook my head. I knew why she needed to do it, but I also knew that if she did go ahead with it. Reaper stick her mother. There was no coming back from that.

‘Hold on to her.’ #Bellamy told me, and I was. Not so that they could take the doc down in a time when she needed us.

“I am, but…” I shook my head again. I didn’t know if they would listen to me. But I could at least try.

“Doc…” I whispered low and calm into her ear. “Please… Think about what you do now. You aren’t like this. Look he is breathing, he is alive. He Needs... You!” hoping she would hear me.

•- Abby -•

╰ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀʙ

Both hearing and seeing Clarke hurting caused me to stop thrashing against Nathan's hold on me. My eyes moved from her to the bed where Marcus's heartbeat beeped erratically on the monitor. What had I done? I knew that I needed to sleep, but how was I supposed to do that when a clock ticked over our heads. However, I saw the determined look that Clarke inherited from her father. I knew though it would hurt her to hurt me she would do what she threatened.

"Just let me check him and I will take a nap until we figure out where Raven and the rest are. Then we have to finish this."

I waited for Clarke to agree so Nathan would release me so I can check on him.

'No. We will take care of him, and you will go to sleep.'

I had to agree unless I wanted to have a forced nap lasting God knew how long.

"Okay."

•- Marcus -•

|(• ᴍᴇᴀɴᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɪɴ ᴋᴀɴᴇ’s ᴍɪɴᴅ •)|

I watched the scene unfold. It was a torture to realize it wasn’t my arms holding Abigail as she lost it but #Miller’s. I believe #Aurora noticed the change in me, because she approached and placed her hand over my shoulder.

“They can’t see you.” She assured me, “Come.”

Once again, I find myself in that corridor, following #Aurora to the upper levels. It was a silent walk and eventually I found myself strolling on the Island in the protected zone without raising the alarms. Dead? Living? Dreaming? What is happening here exactly?

#Aurora stopped by the sands and nested herself in a rock. I stood beside her with my arms folded on my chest. My eyes then stared out to the endless water zone. The tone in her voice was soft and contemplative as she says:

“I used to read books back at the ark. Romances, mostly. There were places like this mentioned in those pages. White sands, the sound of restless crashing waters in the shore . . . I never thought we would be able to see that someday. But I am glad to be here – and I am glad that you are here with me.”

I fall speechless. Then, I turn to look at Blake with surprised eyes and a knot in my throat. To see her is a delight, of course. Unbelievable indeed and apparently not impossible. But before I could put my thoughts on track and say anything, she chuckles and smile.

“I know about Abigail and you.” She confesses. “No, please, it’s not like that. I don’t hold any harsh feelings towards her or you in that case. I don’t blame you for seeking happiness after my departure. You became a pain in the ass after I died anyway. Don’t worry, you are a better person now and I have to say Abigail changed you.”

I stand there staring at her for what seems forever. Taking in each of her words as my head does it very best to puzzle the information, she provided me. Then, I finally find the voice in me to say:

“Are you suggesting I became more . . . human?” And the look in her eyes tells me she had me exactly where she wanted me to be at that moment. And yet I feel the need to justify myself and explain. “Earth. Well, earth is not what we expected it to be. We all did things we didn’t wanted too. We were forced to make choices we knew would crash our souls for the survival of our loved ones.

It wasn’t just Griffin who changed me; however, she was the one who never allowed me to forget who I am.”

“I am glad to hear that someone else got to see the other side of you as well, Marcus. That you feel loved by someone, even when she is also the one who hit your unconscious body back there. See, I honestly do not know what you wrote her in that letter – certainly something foolish.”

‘Is she really calling me out?’ I think. However, I decide to let her finish her lecture.

“She deserves to learn the truth from you and not from my son Bellamy. Don’t look at me like that, I know you told him that recently. This is the first thing I must tell you, Marcus. I want you to tell #Octavia the truth too. You owe her that.”

Continuing in Part Two....

[oktorpg]

Is there a way back from this Betrayal? – Together - Storyline 5

╰ˢᵗᵒʳʸ ᴵⁿᶜˡᵘᵈⁱⁿᵍ: 『 John Murphy』

╰ ᵀⁱᵐᵉˡⁱⁿᵉ: ᴀꜰᴛᴇʀ ᴛᴇꜱᴛɪɴɢ

╰ ᴸᵒᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ: ʙᴇᴄᴄᴀ'ꜱ ᴍᴀɴꜱɪᴏɴ

〄 ❝ 𝘐𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘮𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥. ❞ ― 𝙒𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙖𝙢 𝘽𝙡𝙖𝙠𝙚

•— Raven —•

I stood with my face tilted up as the cool water from the shower washed away the smell from the lab. But it was the scent up my nose and burned into my mind that I knew would be harder to remove.

The blisters on my skin meant that I couldn’t use the hot water, no matter how much I had hoped that I could have curled up under the stream. There is something about the heat of the water which always seemed to help wash everything away since being here on the island. The saying they had back in the day about; ❝ 𝘞𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺 ❞, had started to fall into place for me. But for now, the cool water had its own healing properties.

If only there was a way to redeem the mind, and its ability to close off and to stop thinking. As much as I was thankful that Abby and my mind were no longer going to melt, there was a clarity to my thinking that I’d not felt in a long while. Not since before I took the chip and joined the other followers into the City of Light, did I see things as clearly as I do now.

This had to be the reason why I can’t shake the words and the looping images in my head, from the docks. Seeing Emori so scared, Jasper standing between her and me. Like he believed that I would cause her harm? And then John… Whose master plan it had been.

The words from the letter he’d left with #Harper were etched into my brain forever.

𝐼’𝓂 𝓈𝑜𝓇𝓇𝓎, 𝑅𝒶𝓋𝑒𝓃.

𝐼 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹𝓃’𝓉 𝓇𝒾𝓈𝓀 𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝓎 𝓁𝑜𝓃𝑔𝑒𝓇. 𝐼 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹𝓃’𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝒾𝓉.

𝒮𝓉𝒶𝓎 𝒶𝓁𝒾𝓋𝑒, 𝒮𝓉𝒶𝓇𝑔𝒶𝓏𝑒𝓇. 𝒟𝑜𝓃’𝓉 𝑔𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝓊𝓅.

𝒟𝒪𝒩’𝒯 𝒟𝐼𝐸.

𝐼’𝓂 𝓈𝑜𝓇𝓇𝓎.

𝒥𝑜𝒽𝓃.

I wasn’t sure why I was so angry at them; I knew they had to have acted from fear. After all, fear was the reason for most of the stupid mistakes we’d all made at some point (s) of our short lives. But this one… It hit me hard.

I hit the button on the wall a little harder than it was necessary to turn the water off, reaching out for a towel I wrapped it around myself carefully to get dried and dressed. I had come to the mansion for a reason.

With everyone down in the lab busy helping Abby and #Jackson with Marcus, someone needed to come back here to the house to pick up some supplies. No one was going to be willing to leave the lab to come back to eat, sleep or change. So, being the only one who wasn’t being of any help, I’d offered to come and do it.

When I arrived back, I needed to shower before I could do anything. I could still smell Marcus and the mix of me being sick all over the lab restroom. I needed to feel clean. I needed the time to Stop and to Think. But now, it was time to get myself back to work.

•— John —•

The walk back to the mansion had been excruciatingly long. Awkward. Quiet. Raven was still mad… no… mad was the wrong word. She was hurt... hurt beyond words, she felt betrayed. She was disappointed in me… because somehow, I had managed to convince her I was different and that I had changed.

And I had, just not in the ways she wanted me to, not in any way that mattered. I knew why I was like this… It wasn’t because I had to be; to survive on my own for this long. I had to survive on my own because if I didn’t… I brought everyone around me down too. I couldn’t do that to Raven. Not like this… not this completely. It was better for her to see me as I really was.

The cockroach, the sociopath. The dead weight.

I sat on the floor of the shower with the cold water barrelling down on my back. Anything to take my mind off everything going on in my head, the hollow ache still throbbed in my chest.

Marcus would die soon… and then I would have to find a way to keep Emori from being the next one they threw into the chamber. Just one more thing to add to the growing list of my failures.

I pulled my fingers out of my sodden hair and flexed the cut and bruised knuckles of my right hand. My hand was shaking. All of me was shaking. Shivering. I hauled myself to my feet and slapped the control panel of the shower to turn off the water. I grabbed a towel and walked out of the bathroom to avoid the massive mirror above the sink. I wasn’t sure I could face another mirror right now.

I dumped out the contents of the backpack I lived out of and found clean clothes. I was starting to resent the fact that we had access to the laundry room here. All of our clothes smelled the same. I barely patted myself dry before I pulled on the clothes. The shirt that smelled the same as everything Raven wore, clung to the wet spots on my chest and back. My gut sank, and I didn’t even bother to repack the bag… I grabbed the music player and stuffed the earbuds into my ears, turning up the music as loud as it would go.

( Music: On My Way - Ashes Remain )

We came here for a reason. So, I grabbed the now empty pack and headed to the kitchen. Whatever meat and fish that was left in the fridge from Luna’s last hunt I began to cook. I waited and waited for that feeling to come… that sense of ease I felt when I cooked… But… there was nothing.

•— Raven —•

Four bags in my hands, I now stood before the room Abby called her own. I didn’t dare enter it as I couldn’t shed the image of her sadness from myself. She had told Marcus not to do it, she had told them that she had a plan. But what that plan was I wasn’t even sure. The moment when she screamed at realising what had taken place, my heart gave a leap.

I stood looking at the door, knowing that like the others I needed to go in. I needed to gather some things for her. She wouldn’t leave that lab, and if I needed to shower and change so did, she. I counted down from five, my hand outstretched for the moment when I hit one and pushed the full weight of my body into the room.

I didn’t look around for much, new shirt, new pants. A change of clothes and the rest she could find on the staff housing level of the lab. Picking up a jumper for her too, I pushed them into a bag as I rushed out of the room again. I wasn’t going to stand around for much longer. Every second I spent in there was another memory from the lab flashing before my eyes.

My heart was a riot in my chest as I rushed down the stairs and towards the back of the house. Food was the next stop. I stood still outside one of the doors that took me to the Kitchen. The sound of music came blearing out to meet me. My body sagged and I was frozen in place when the smells in there hit my senses too.

“The Hells is he still here?” Rubbing my face with my hand after letting the bags drop, my eyes darting to the main door. I could just get out of here. He was in there, and food was being cooked. He didn’t need me. He had made that clear. He didn’t need anyone!

But this wasn’t about him or me, this was about Marcus, Abby and the others. They needed to eat, they needed us to look out for them just as they had looked out for me. Reaching down I picked the bags up and made my way in.

•— John —•

The music changed and I grunted… I recognised the song; it really was too much right now… But as I turned from the food to grab the tablet to change it Rey stepped into the kitchen and I froze. I just stood and stared… my chest felt hollow. I tried to swallow but my mouth was dry. She was loaded down with bags for the others.

I hadn’t even though… This could be our last visit to this house. I had just abandoned everything I owned on the bed… I should grab a few things for Emori. And probably myself too, but I honestly didn’t care about that right now.

I was still standing there… My finger hovering over the skip button on the tablet… instead, I swiped the volume down low. I open my mouth to speak… nothing! Fuck! I cleared my throat. “Are you hungry?” I said and turned back to the stove. Glad to have several things in the works to keep my eyes on.

I grabbed the bottle of wine that I had opened and poured it into a glass now, even though I had started swigging right from the bottle. “Or do you want a glass of wine?” I offered without turning back. Everything on the stove was tended, so I swigged from the glass and moved back to the cupboards and started gathering up whatever pasta and rice was left. Anything that wouldn’t spoil.

I could feel how much she despised me… it was like a dark shadow that skulked just over my shoulders. I poured her the glass of wine before she answered and slid it to the far side of the island. Then, I set to stuffing the backpack full of the dry goods. Maybe it would ease the tension a little. But that it wasn’t her fault… this on me. But the air in the room was getting thinner by the second.

( Music: Without You - Ashes Remain )

•— Raven —•

I just stood shy of the door watching him pick up the tablet, my eyes narrowed as his reaction to the song. It wasn’t like him to act this way. He was always lost in the sounds that #Becca has uploaded to the mainframe, and he also knew most of them.

The words of the song where loud and unmissable, just as he liked it.

“𝘏𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘸

𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶

𝘚𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘸

𝘛𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯…”

And they hit a chord I was unwilling to acknowledge.

I wasn’t sure what it was I expected from him. Did I want him to talk to me, or would I rather he saw past me? Who even knew at this time. “Uhmm…” Was I hungry? Once there was a time not so long ago that I did need to think, the answer was always 𝙔𝙚𝙨.

We were all, always in need of food. However, since being on the island, a few good meals and my face was starting to fill, the pants didn’t just try to slip down from my hip bone. I was starting to see some colour in my skin that had never been there. And that was all while I was dying of a brain melt.

I wasn’t sure how much time had pasted since he asked the question, but there now lay a glass of wine on the kitchen island and I shook my head to the glass. “I don’t want to drink. Need a level head on my shoulders.” But I went to the hob after setting the bags in my hands down to the side. “I’ll take something to eat.” I couldn’t remember when I had actually eaten last.

It smelled good, then again, I had no doubt it would. I took down a bowl and then my fingers hovered over another one. “Are you eating too?” I didn’t look back at him as I asked.

•— John —•

I just shrugged when she said she didn’t want the wine and found things to keep my hands and eyes busy. I picked up my glass and finished it with a second long swig. I dished up some of the fish in garlic butter and added a decent helping of the fresh vegetables that I had going on the stove. I didn’t see the point in leaving anything here, so I just cooked everything. I slid it to her but this time… My eyes found hers for a moment and it was painful to tear them away.

This would get easier… In the bunker, I would probably rarely cross her path when they stuck me with a janitorial job or whatever they could find, that was the most degrading for someone like me. Someone with zero skills… someone that… Well, was a murderer that got off based on the fact he was dumped on the ground as a lab rat.

It would get easier.

I didn’t want to eat… my stomach felt… like tiny creatures were trying to chew their way out of it from the inside. “I will.” I poured another glass of wine. I would at least try... I had to put on a show, who knew… maybe I would stomach something if I forced myself to eat. “I just want to get all of this cooked so we can take it to the lab… I have a feeling this could be our last trip back to this house.” I knew it was the only way I could get her to eat.

I lifted the glass again and pushed more chunks of fish around in the pan.

•— Raven —•

My eyebrows lifted into a frown when I turned back around to see him knocking the wine back. Of course, on any other day I would have been sat here doing the same after the day we had witnessed. But today, with everything that had taken place. Wine was the last thing I needed.

Stepping up to the island I sat down on the stool. My dull hazel eyes met his blue, the bruises on face were reduced to a yellowing hue, but as my eyes drifted to the bottle of wine and the glass he was refilling. My mouth dropped open. “What—” I stopped myself. Why did I even give a crap about what happened. And yet there was some part of me that really wanted to know. “What happened to your hand?”

I dropped my eyes to the food before me. picking up the fork to fill it with the fish and the veggies. He was right about one thing, something told me that I most likely wouldn’t see the inside of this mansion again. It has become a place we had started to call home. But all things had to come to an end.

•— John —•

A quick look over my shoulder told me she was eating… It was good to see her eat. Especially after all that she had put her body through in the ice bath.

I glanced down at my hand and tugged my sleeve lower. “Um… It… could have happened in the fight with Baylis.” I shrugged like I didn’t remember. It wasn’t exactly a lie, but it wasn’t true either... I had no idea what I could tell her about it. What excuse could I give her for my freak out in the bathroom? I couldn’t tell her the truth, and as much as I knew I needed to… I couldn’t lie to her.

“It’s fine… it will heal.” I smirked a little and flexed my fingers. “I had a pretty good run there, with no injuries for a while. But I’ll be okay… it’s just a few cuts and bruises.”

I started scooping the food into the plastic containers I had set out. This was the last of it… there was nothing else for me to finish now. Then, pressed the lids into place and stacked them on the island. “How are you feeling about leaving here?” Even with the dark cloud of the death wave hanging over our heads. Here, we didn’t need to ration. We could shower in clean hot water. Hell…. Just turning a faucet and you had water… Unlimited, clean water. And once we left, we would be back to rationing everything water, food, power… back to hunger and thirst.

There was only so much we could bring in the boat no matter how well-stocked this place was, medical equipment and Tek were more important than food in an underground bunker.

“I know you wanted to learn as much as you could about what Becca was doing here.”

•— Raven —•

With the spoon in my mouth, my eyes shifted up from the bowl and towards him. I saw the way he attempted to hide his hand, because he was lying. Once again, he was lying to me, I’d seen each and every injury he, #Harper and #Monty had gained from that fight. And his hand, was not one of them.

I scoffed chewing my mouthful. What the Hells had I expected from him? Every word that had come out of his mouth was a lie or was said for his own good. I lowered my eyes again, everything he had said and done now had started to play in my mind.

Every time he had done something good for the others or even for me, I could see a parallel benefit for him. How could I have been such a fool as to think that he really had tried to better himself, that he was trying to be one of us. That he was really…. a… friend…. ‘𝙁𝙊𝙊𝙇’, I screamed at myself internally. The grip on the spoon tightening.

Swallowing my food, I shrugged my shoulders not looking up. “I’ve not really thought about it. I wasn’t expecting to still be alive.” Unlike him, I wasn’t lying. I hadn’t thought I would make it this far, each and everything I had done was to ensure the rest of those I called friends and family would survive.

His next question took me by surprise, had he been paying attention? And that voice in me said ‘Yes. He had! How else would he know how to play you for a fool?’ My eyes moved to look up as I played with the food in the bowl.

“I’ve not had the time I wanted to read everything Becca was doing and planning to do. So much of it is untouched. I was, well I am pla…” I stopped myself. Why was I even telling him what I was planning on doing? “There’s just a lot still left to learn.” And I had a plan on how I was going to keep it all safe, in case I lived to see another week. Lifting the now full spoon to my mouth.

•— John —•

I nodded; my lips pressed into a tight line. It was the truth…I had never expected her to make it back to the bunker. It was something I could never allow myself to think about… and now it was so blindingly clear why… The idea of her dying… It was too much to stomach. But the idea of her living and never… The idea of accepting the way I felt about her and then losing her anyway…. I had to cough to cover the wince from the painful lump in my throat.

It was better, of course, for her to live and me to carry this… whatever the hell it was, inside of me. There were so many ways for this to go horribly wrong and none for it to go right. She didn’t need to know… she just got her life back… and she deserved that life more than anyone else on this godforsaken planet. I chugged what was left in the glass.

“You should take whatever you can with you. I mean she worked on all sorts of things… that could be useful in the bunker. You’ll be needed there… everything down there is old… they’ll need your skills.”

I knew there was no putting it off now. So, I scooped some food into a bowl and pushed it around with a fork. The idea of adding food into my roiling stomach was unappealing to say the least.

•— Raven —•

I didn’t look up from the bowl or the island, the more he spoke the more my anger towards him grew. He was talking about #Becca and all that knowledge she and her teams had left behind. But he wasn’t talking about the fact that he was running. Or that he thought so little of the so-called friendships with everyone on this island he has been building, and he was still going to 𝙧𝙪𝙣.

And that letter, he wasn’t talking about that letter that was imprinted in my mind. His sorry excuse of a 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙗𝙮𝙚 and 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙙𝙞𝙚. What had that even meant exactly? Before I could open my mouth and tell him, or more like ask him about that letter, I heard the footsteps coming towards us. #Luna came walking into the kitchen. Her wet hair pulled up as she walked towards the hob looking into the pot.

‘na Ai yu don bida?’ ( Can I have some? ) She asked and I pointed to the bowl I was eating from and the one John was nursing.

“Eat up, it means it’s less to carry back to the lab if we have had our dinner at least. Not that I can eat when I get back there.” Even as I said it. the scent of burns filled my nose, and I pushed the bowl away. “I think I’m done.”

#Luna walked over taking my bowl from where it sat. Then she returned to the hob, refilling it from the pot. Grabbing some of the bread she climbed up and started to eat before looking at the both of us. ‘Yu Tu chichplei nau?’ ( You two talking now? )

I didn’t look over to him. “If you can call it that.” Sliding down from the stool I went to get myself a glass of water to drink.

•— John —•

I hated it when she got all quiet like that… I knew she was thinking, or overthinking. And whatever was going through her mind about me was justified. The longer I was around the harder it was to cling to the knowledge that all of this… Her anger… her disappointment… hatred… it was better.

It would get easier… being hated wasn’t a new thing for me.

When #Luna came in I was about to grab her a bowl but Raven already passed her the one she hadn’t finished. I had to shove down the urge to tell her she needed to eat. That wasn’t my job any more and more importantly; I didn’t get to make those decisions for her any more. She had fixed the thing that kept me by her side. It shouldn’t have been me. Anyone would have been a better choice than me. Why did Abby pick me?

Part of me was sorry #Luna had taught Rey trig… I couldn’t tell Luna how I really felt right now. “Ething ku, Luna.” Heavy eyes turned on the night blood. “Reinseden’s komba raun. En hashta bilaik disha.” (Everything’s fine, Luna. It has to be like this.)

I left two of the tubs on the island in case they wanted anymore, and I slung the heavy bag of food over my shoulder and grabbed the open bottle of wine. I turned for the hall to leave the bag by the front door. I knew I should grab the clothes I had abandoned upstairs… We wouldn’t be coming back here. But I just couldn’t bring myself to care. I’d spent the best part of my life with just the clothes on my back. It was nothing new to me.

‘Jon!’ I heard #Luna call after me, but I ignored it. ‘Hai Skat!’ I heard her hiss and kept walking, that ball of pressure in my chest was swelling up to the point of pain again. Raven needed #Luna… if I had to make her.

•— Raven —•

The fingers around the glass tightened as I drunk, the sound of his words to #Luna made me freeze. Was that really what he believed? Did he really thing that everything was fine? Was this the new 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦 in our world now?

‘Yu gaf gon hod op em.’ ( You need to stop him. ) #Luna whispered in a low voice once he was gone.

“Ai stil em bakon fou, bilaik pleni” ( I held him back once, that was enough. ) Still, I didn’t dare to glance back towards her. I knew too well that if I saw the look the Zen Master would be giving me. I’d second guess myself, and I wasn’t in a place to do that right now.

‘Yu laik kiln ogeda beikon melon strik sis.’ ( You're both pig headed little sister. ) she scoffed as I cleaned and set the glass to the side of the sink.

“Taim Yu biyo krei.” ( If you say so. ) Biting down on my lips thankful of everything she had taught me , I pushed off and finally turned to face her. “Are you going straight back to the lab?”

#Luna chewed on her food, and as I had guessed her eyes were locked on my every move. ‘Sha, Ai laik’ ( Yes, I am )

“Okay, bos ( good ), can you take the bags of clothes back? It’s all packed, ready to go.”

‘And where are you going?’ She asked with a raised eyebrow. “Raven—” I held my hands up and cut her off.

“The code is gone; my brain isn’t melting. I just want to get some work done here before I head back.” She wasn’t buying it, her eyes told me she wasn’t. I glanced back at the door Murphy walked out of. “Luna really, I’m on an island, there is nothing stupid I can do. I promise.”

•— John —•

I walked around the house to the sculpture garden and sat on the grass. I had chosen the ferryman statue; a half-submerged man and his sunken vessel. The air was too hot… even the sea-scented breeze was warm this far off the mainland. The clouds above rested over us threatening to unleash those toxic raindrops at any second.

I lifted the bottle and swigged deeply, feeling a line of the deep red liquid drip down my chin. The bag of food was still slung on my shoulder… I was so lost in my own thoughts that I hadn’t set it down. Just as I did, I heard the whispering of footsteps on grass. She was announcing herself; I knew #Luna could sneak up on me and gut me before I could even grab the gun tucked into my waistband, hidden by my jacket.

‘Chomouda yu ste dula dison op gon yu kiln, Jon?’ (Why are you doing this to yourself, John.) she asked, sitting with her legs crossed beneath her the way she always did.

“I’m not—“ I started to tell her I wasn’t doing anything. But there was no point… she sees right true people. “Just… trust me. This… it’s better… okay? For everyone.” A least that wasn’t a lie. It was better… better for Raven… better for me than seeing the disgust on her face if she knew the truth.

‘Yu kiln bilaik nowe ron au em ban au. Biyo au!’ (You would never leave her behind. Say something!) #Luna was still using the Zen master voice.

I didn’t have the energy to speak to her in her own tongue. I swigged again from the bottle. “It doesn’t matter #Luna… just let her think whatever she needs to. Please… just let it go.” I turned to meet her gaze now.

‘Yu gifa em in. Ai get en in ridiyo. Hod op haden.’ (You care for her. I know it’s true. Stop hiding.) She pressed.

“You don’t know anything #Luna!” I snapped. “You don’t know me… You’re basing all this idiotic trust in me because I stole medicine for a child, we all knew was going to die anyway. This is who I am… who I have always been. Living on the outside of everyone else’s life and doing whatever I need to survive. Get used to it!” The pressurised ball in my chest eased off after the rant, but it was swiftly replaced with burning guilt.

#Adria.

I’d thrown that poor child in her face.

‘Beda?’ (Better?) was all that #Luna said. I hung my head, my eyes burning.

“No.”

‘Yu’s mou kom disha, Jon. Wochas ona riskwe.’ (You are more than this, John. Be careful in the darkness.) She stood swiftly and vanished, silently this time. The burning in my eyes slowly faded as I allowed the pain to run out of me freely.

#Adria.

That was when this started… that was when I let myself believe I could do better. “Branwoda skai skat, foshou.” (Stupid sky boy, indeed) I scrubbed the sleeve of my jacket across my face and lifted the near-empty bottle again. Draining it with a tilt of my head.

•— Raven —•

𝙴𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚛 𝟿𝟸𝟾𝟷: 𝙳𝙰𝚃𝙰 𝚄𝙿𝙻𝙾𝙰𝙳 𝙵𝙰𝙸𝙻𝙴𝙳

“Hells, why isn’t this working?” I tapped in the code again and hit enter.

𝙴𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚛 𝟿𝟸𝟾𝟷: 𝙳𝙰𝚃𝙰 𝚄𝙿𝙻𝙾𝙰𝙳 𝙵𝙰𝙸𝙻𝙴𝙳

“Why? Tell me WHY!” I entered the code again harder as though it would help me.

𝙴𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚛 𝟿𝟸𝟾𝟷: 𝙳𝙰𝚃𝙰 𝚄𝙿𝙻𝙾𝙰𝙳 𝙵𝙰𝙸𝙻𝙴𝙳

“Fuck You!” I kicked back into the chair and threw the bottle of water I had across the security room. I knew if I had A.L.I.E’s still in my head I would know what this error code meant, and I would know how to work around it or better still I would know how to fix it.

‘So, do it the hard way, you’ve had things a little too easy ever since that code has been in your mind. It’s time to get back to working the right way.’ I could hear the voice of #Sinclair in my mind, but this time it wasn’t an hallucination. It was just one of the things he would have said if he were here and alive.

“Okay, the hard way.” standing up, first I hopped over where the bottle had landed. Bending down I stretched out my leg to the side and just managed to pick it up. “That taught me.” I huffed. I knew my anger was towards other things, other people, but bottles, doors and keyboards were living the brunt of it right now.

Setting the bottle down to the side I pulled out the folders and manuals that had been collated by #Becca’s teams. Each and every process that needed to be followed was documented, every error they foresaw was defined in them. But it was the time it would take to find the answer.

My fingers moved down the pages, turning them when I couldn’t find what I was looking for until it was there.

𝐄𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫 𝟗𝟐𝟖𝟏 - 𝐌𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠

“The Satellite isn’t responding?” biting my lip I looked at the screen. All the files I’d been gathering were sat there ready to be transferred. When the deathwave came, I wanted to keep all this history on the island safe from being lost and destroyed. But if I couldn’t send the data to the space station, what other way was there?

〄 〄 〄 〄

I’d tried everything I could think of to solve the issue from here. No matter what I did, the satellite wasn’t coming to life. And without it there was going to be no data transfer. So, I pulled a back pack on filled with my tools, a fully charged tablet in my hand and I set out from the mansion. I had a map of the island on the tablet because I’d never been to the far side of the island since we arrived.

As I stepped out into the grounds of the mansion, I knew the drones were down, I also knew that if they came to life, I could turn them back away from the part of the island I was most likely to become lost in. “Have some faith.” I told myself.

It wasn’t until I started to walk past the statues, that I stopped before the one that was of Lord Ganesh. He sat there playing the Indian drums known as the tablas, and I couldn’t help the smile that came across my lips. John had been the one to bring me out here, to show me a part of #Becca’s lost world. And A.L.I.E’s data had been the one to tell me what it was I was looking at. But that time felt like it was so far gone, when the truth was it hadn’t been that long.

I kept my head down until I heard the murmurs coming from close by. As I looked around, I saw #Luna sat beside John who of course was still nursing that bottle of wine. The two of them were lost in their conversation.

I kept walking; I didn’t want to be a part of their private discussion. But then my feet stopped hearing the louder voice of John, almost shouting at #Luna.

Narrowing my eyes, I started towards them, I knew better, I knew I shouldn’t. #Luna and John had a bond that was deep, but the way he spoke to her.

‘𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘦… 𝘠𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥, 𝘸𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘸𝘢𝘺. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘐 𝘢𝘮… 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯. 𝘓𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦’𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘷𝘦. 𝘎𝘦𝘵 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘪𝘵!’

My heart was vibrating in my chest, #Adria… The girl whose death was on my hands, the girl who had been like a daughter to #Luna… He was bringing up #Adria in this manner? Had he no heart in that chest of his?

#Luna got up and rushed past me, she squeezed my outstretched hand towards her before she broke into a run back towards the mansion.

In the blink of an eye, it felt like everything had changed. The trust, the friendships I never would have imagined came to life and now dyed all on this island. This had to be the final straw.

“You are such a Prick John Murphy!” My voice broke.

#Adria’s face flashed before my eyes. The burning tears told me they were coming. I stormed over to him and froze.

I couldn’t believe my eyes; I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. He was crying. Tears rolled from his blue eyes and down his cheeks.

“John…?”

•— John —•

I heard the shift in #Luna’s footsteps, as she ran… from me. The lump threatened to block my airway. I had broken #Luna’s heart entirely and felt more pieces of mine splinter and crumble away.

I thought Raven’s voice calling me a prick was inside my head, because damn… I was! But then she said my name. I froze. Sitting as still as that skeletonized statue in front of me.

I didn’t dare lift my arm to dry my face again. I heard her angry footsteps and I knew I deserved whatever verbal tirade she was about to unleash on me. My heart pounded beneath the hollow aching in my chest.

I don’t know why I did it, or why I didn’t stop myself before the words tumbled out of my mouth. “I was never going to leave you stranded here. I asked Jasper to come with us because I knew he’d protect her; and I was going to teach him everything he needed to get the boat back here, safely. I wasn’t going to leave you here with no way out.”

I shouldn’t have told her. I warred with myself to keep it in, to let her think the worst and protect her from me. But I couldn’t… it was too much… this day had been too much. I needed to release some of it.

I had just made it all so much worse! There was no release, there was just the guilt. The guilt of trying to lessen my burden by making it hers. And the worst of it was… Raven and #Luna were the only reason that I found a way to send the boat back, they were my only motivation.

'𝐼 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓃𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒷𝑒𝒽𝒾𝓃𝒹, 𝒮𝓉𝒶𝓇𝑔𝒶𝓏𝑒𝓇.' The words spun around and around in my head. But those I managed to bite back and push down. I used to be good at this… at swallowing feeling until they stopped plaguing me, it was as easy as breathing. But now, it was like there was no air.

•— Raven —•

He was sat before the Ferryman here. It was one I knew he liked. His words from the day he walked me past this place came to mind and flowed even when I didn’t want to think of those days. Days when I thought we were friends, days when I thought I could trust him. Days when…. He had shown there was so much more to him than what everyone expected.

‘𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘍𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘺𝘮𝘢𝘯. 𝘔𝘺 𝘧𝘢𝘷𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦, 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘬... 𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺. 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘑𝘢𝘩𝘢.’

The anger was there, it hadn’t dissipated at all. It had increased at witnessing his treatment of the one person who had at each step been by his side. Sure Abby, #Clarke, Jasper, #Monty… the list of names went on with the people who were giving him a second or third chance. But #Luna... The Zen Master… She hadn’t held anything against him, even when hearing of the mess he had caused in the past. But this was him, right? John Murphy the guy who only thinks about himself?

My lips parted to scold him, to tell him all that was rampaging in my head right now. But his words cut me short. With my eyes darting over his face, looking him in the eye as he opened his mouth and there was a rush of emotion.

So much there for me to process, so much in those words that could have been taken in different ways. But.. He didn’t stop to breathe. The words, they just kept coming.

‘𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦.’ He said, and I was about to tell him that his actions would disagree with him. That I had seen with my own eyes they were all going to go and take the boat.

‘𝘐 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘑𝘢𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘩𝘦’𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳; 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘺.’ He said, and my mind replayed Jaspers words on the way back to the lab. And how he said not everything was as it seemed.

Was I mistaken? No… I saw… but what had I seen? Hadn’t #Luna said that things our eyes saw could be a mistake if we were looking with tainted sight? Is that what had happened to me?

‘𝘐 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘑𝘢𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘩𝘦’𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳; 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘺.’ He said, and I knew he was worried for his friend. He told me repeatedly that he would do anything to save his ‘𝘖𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘍𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥’, and wasn’t that what he was doing there?

And then the last part. This was something that took the ground out from under my feet. ‘𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯’𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘰𝘶𝘵.’ Was he pulling me into his deceit once again? And #Luna? Kind and caring #Luna who was heartbroken right now.

“I don’t give a crap about that right now Murphy...” His name wasn’t something I was willing to use in the moment. “What you just did, all you just said to that woman.” I shook my head. “Wrong… just so wrong.”

My hands tightened around the tablet to the point that my palms were hurting. I couldn’t deal with everything he’d said right now. I was hurt but I didn’t understand why. Why it was smarting this much. I had assumed what my eyes saw was true. However, now… I wasn’t sure who or what to believe.

•— John —•

The symbolism of the wretchedly beautiful statue wasn't lost on me... A man whose purpose was to charter people to the other side. To what? An afterlife... the other side of a major hurdle in someone’s life? Wasn't that what I had been charged with when Abby asked me to see to Raven's care.

I was the one that was to help her navigate her way to... well I guess in this case it was healing herself. I had managed to keep her alive long enough for her to figure out how to save herself. But in the end, even Raven knew there was nothing I could do to help her, all I did was delay the inevitable. She hadn't needed nor wanted my help to fix herself. She'd gone out of her way to make sure I was nowhere near it... and clearly considering she was here now; that countdown to her final moment was running no faster than any of the rest of us.

My purpose had ended... and now I was here. Waiting to fade away.

I shook my head and chuckled darkly. Of course, it was #Luna she was worried about. I didn’t blame her for not believing me. It was almost a relief... I shouldn't have told her in the first place. "She was going to find out the truth about me eventually... at least she found it out directly from me instead of listening to everyone else." Talking around the lump in my throat was painful. Keeping my eyes trained on the statue was the hardest thing I had ever had to do.

•— Raven —•

He wasn’t even looking at me, I was nothing in the grand scheme to him. And if I needed any more proof of this fact, he was handing it to me on a silver platter right now.

I stood there feeling the sensation of sharp prickling of tears burning my eyes, but I refused to let him or anyone else see it. I wanted to scream at him, to shake him and to maybe even punch him in the face. What was wrong with him? Why did he always find a way to betray those who he had made believe in him?

“So, that is it is it? You get what you want, and to hell with everyone else? John Murphy and his friends are safe, the rest of us can go jump into the depths of hell, never to be seen again?” Each word was a slap to my own face, because he had fooled me too. I was one of those people who had believed that there was more to him.

“Well, congratulations. The cockroach has shown himself to be a survivor once again. Be happy with your so-called life in the bunker, or as a night blood... I am sure you have it all planned out already.” What more was there to say to him? 𝙉𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜.

I gave him one last glance and then back the way #Luna had gone. I wanted to go back inside and see if she was okay. But I was running out of time and daylight. As it was, I was sure I’d need to stay the night out in the middle of nowhere.

I turned away from him, pushing my backpack over my shoulders, and without giving him another thought I started towards the tree lines. This time I was heading away from the direction of the lab and leaving the mansion towards the lighthouse and the satellite tower on the other side of the island. “

To hell with you John Murphy.” I muttered to myself. “To hell with friendship.”

•— John —•

I felt the water brimming in my eyes again; I had to fight to keep from swiping at my face with my sleeve. Her words made the lump in my throat even more painful. "Trust me, Raven... you will always be seen."

I dragged my hand through my hair and tugged, the word ℂ𝕠𝕔𝕜𝕣𝕠𝕒𝕔𝕜 was like a knife in my gut. But it was what I needed to be... at least until I got control of this madness in my head. I wanted to tell her I was sorry... Me. John Fucking Murphy... was sorry? It wasn't something I was in the habit of saying... and even when I did, I hardly ever meant it.

Cockroach really was an apt moniker.

But all the same... I couldn't sit here. I couldn't sit here, while she made the trek to the lab. Even if this island was safe; which I doubted, anything could happen. Acid rain could fall at any moment... though this was Raven Reyes; it was likely that the backpack she carried had a chem-tent in it. I waited until her footsteps fade and more tears fell. I brushed them away quickly and followed her.

I waited until she disappeared into the tree line and then followed silently and at a distance. Just close enough to hear her footsteps, the unique sound of her limp over the forest floor. Just to watch over her until she got to the lab, then I would leave her to whatever it was that she needed to do there.

If she was even heading to the lab... but where else was there for her to go? I couldn't think of a reason she would head to the beach. All that was there was the dock and the... I shook my head to stop my mind from going there. To the hell hole beneath the lighthouse. The lab was the only place that made sense.

•— Raven —•

Was it possible that my feet felt heavier with each step I took? Could it be that it was the heaviness of my heart and the pain that a betrayal had caused was making it difficult for me to go on?

“Like Hells it is… I 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘕𝘰𝘵 be dragged down into that darkness because of him.” However, there was this small voice in the back of my mind who kept the face of #Becca, telling me that I was already drowning in said darkness.

Using the back of my hand I wiped away the tears that had finally started to fall down my cheeks. The image of seeing #Luna rushing away from what Jo… No… Murphy… of what 𝙈𝙪𝙧𝙥𝙝𝙮 had said to her, kept playing on a loop. “What was wrong with him…” Prick was the right word for him in that moment.

Shaking my head, tears wouldn’t stop, I ducked down as I passed a low tree branch. Following the path in the forest we had created this far on auto pilot. Moments started to flash past in my mind without my permission. Each one showing me how stupid I had been.

•— #Luna and John both in my room, stopping me from working on the computers. She sat with her legs crossed on the ground, and him acting like some king on the deep chair in the room by the fireplace…

•— Me waking up to find John fast asleep on the ground at the foot of my bed, where he’d fallen asleep after hooking me up to the ECG…

•— John sat on the ground beside the pool, while I drunk rambled about the stars, and the what ifs of the past…

•— John, #Luna, and Me laughing, drinking wine, eating chocolate, and crackers listening to music in the lab…

The sound of that laughter had been so joyful at the time, however now… It was a slap in the face.

I pushed all those memories out of my forethoughts, I had work I needed to do and thinking of times passed wasn’t going to help me now. Stopping when I came to the fork in the path, I glanced at the tablet in my hand. One way would take me to the Lab, and the other towards the dock and then past it towards the lighthouse. And then past that point was where the satellite linked tower was meant to be.

Taking the backpack off my back, I pushed the tablet into it before I continued down the path to the docks. It was well laid out, and then I knew I could follow the waters edge all the way to the lighthouse.

•— John —•

I could hear her muttering and I hoped she was just thinking out loud… she’s said her hallucinations had stopped after the ice bath. Lying wasn’t her style… but… what if they’d come back. Then that tell-tale motion of her wiping her cheeks… something cracked inside of me. If only she knew how much worse it would be for everyone if she knew the truth.

She was stopping… why? She knew the way like it was the back of her hand. Was she in pain? Damn it!! What was I supposed to do about that? Walk up to her and say; ‘Oh hey! I wasn’t following you… but do you need a hand to make it the rest of the way to the lab?’ That would not be well received.

She shoved her tablet into the backpack and changed direction. Why? What the hell was taking her to the beach? Did she even have any supplies in that backpack? If she was planning on walking randomly through the woods…. did she even have a bottle of water? Like I could talk all I had was the knife in my boot and the handgun stuffed into the back of my jeans.

I followed her staying far enough back that I could just see her… my eyes wandering to her limp too often… though I didn’t think it seemed too deep yet. What the hell was she doing?

•— Raven —•

Bending down low when I couldn’t step out of the way of the low trees, I kept my now burning eyes and throbbing head forward. There was no point in trying to hide from the thoughts, they were taking over hard and fast. And right now, I really wish #Becca was still here. She at least knew how to keep me from straying off the beaten path.

When I came to a clearing, I stopped to take a breather, Looking up through the canopy of the trees at the sky. The clouds were darkening, but they were still light too. I knew that there was a chance that I could be out here when the black rain came down all around me. But the chem-tent in my backpack would be helpful this time around. I wasn’t going to be caught out twice. Pushing my jacket back, glancing at the scars on my arms that were healing. And yet the burning sensation could still be felt.

My ears picked up the sound of a branch cracking coming from behind me. Making my heart race and adrenaline kicking in. Could someone be here following me? It couldn’t have been anyone I knew. #Luna was in the Mansion. John Murphy… Well… I had left him in a pool of his own self-loathing. Everyone else was at the lab. Which meant…

“Hells…”

Had someone else gotten on the Island? Did the Grounder leave someone with the route to take? If he got here, didn’t that mean that someone else could get here too?

Seeing a log on the side, I made my way to put my bad leg up. Testing and playing with the brace, I was listening, watching. Readying myself with the knife in my pocket, now wishing I’d brought a gun with me too. But how would I explain that to #Luna?

“Shit…” I could do this. When the sound stopped, I twisted and ducked behind a tree. Hiding to see if someone came up behind me, I took off the backpack and set it to the side. Pulling out the knife from its cover, I waited.

•— John —•

“Shit!” I breathed and ducked low when her head snapped up at the cracking of the branch under my boot. Great! What the hell was I doing!? I was scaring the shit out of her and then hiding? When she moved to hide, I glimpsed a tear-stained face. I knew I was an arsehole to her… but why would she cry over me?

There had to be something else. Was she in pain again? I should show myself… I was being crazy.

A patch of undergrowth shuffled behind me, and I whirled… Startling a small rabbit. The animals here weren’t used to predators they had no fear of humans. But without thinking I picked up a small rock and threw it into the underbrush, sending a litter of rabbit kitten scurrying out into the clearing.

Seemingly… I was subconsciously committed to this insanity! But hopefully, she would buy it… and realise there was nothing to be afraid of. Unless… Should she be afraid of me? Was I really protecting her by following her? Or was this the beginning of a selfish obsession? Was I--?…

Wasn’t this exactly the kind of shit #Finn pulled before he lost his marbles?

Fuck!!

•— Raven —•

My hand tightened around the blade, I held it downwards so that if anyone did come at me at least I could take a chunk out of them before going down. I tried to remember all the tips and tricks #Luna had been giving me. How to hold the blade, how to dig it in, how to move my weight behind it—

The bustling sound came again stilling my thoughts before I could see them to their conclusion. My heart was beating so hard in my ears that I wasn’t sure how I could hear anything but it.

“Concentrate Raven Reyes… pay attention.” And then I saw them… “Baby rabbits?” Frowning I slowly looked around, making sure that it wasn’t a trap. “What the…” What was wrong with me? It had been baby rabbits all this time? And here I was hiding and planning how I was going to die?

“What are you babies doing out here?” Straightening up, I closed and pocketed the knife, making my way out from the back of the tree with my back pack. And then sitting down on a log. They were so small, cute, and fluffy. “Really you shouldn’t be so trusting.” I told them as they started to make their way up towards me. The smallest of them was out front, not scared of anything or me. He ( or she ) had not a care in the world. “You are so like Jasper.” I whispered to it.

•— John —•

I didn’t dare peek around from my hiding spot to see if my ruse worked. Fuck! I mean I was always a bit of a creep…. But stalking a girl through the woods? This was a new low… Not my first time… but at least the last time I did it; I was announcing my presence, not hiding behind trees. I heard her move out of her hiding spot and talk to the baby rabbits.

The animals on this island had no fear. They had no natural predators… or at least they didn’t until #Luna; the master archer and Emori; a master at snares arrived.

I could stop myself now; I peered around the tree catching a glimpse of her and the rabbits in the tiny clearing. She was beautiful… Not that that was something I should be noticing. Even now when she looked drained… defeated. I couldn’t spot the spark, that indelible fire to fight and survive, to protect and save her people. I knew it was in there because this was Raven Reyes. But it was like it buried deeper than usual.

Some snapped when she mentioned Jasper’s name knowing she wasn’t talking about Jordan. The rose garden… The incredulous faces on everyone’s when I asked them not to hunt or trap any of the rabbits on the Mansion grounds. All because, Raven had taken a liking to a little one that had no fear.

It was so clear now. I was an idiot not to realise sooner. Maybe I wouldn’t be in so deep now… tracking her through the forest on this shit hole island. ‘Hai Skaiskat’ (Foolish Skyboy) I thought to myself. #Luna had gotten that right.

•— Raven —•

Sitting down on the log after retrieving my backpack I opened it up. The small rabbit sat before me looking at what I was doing. Its ears stood to attention, and then flopping when he or she felt safe around the bag. “You really should know better.” Nodding my chin out towards it’s brothers and sisters who stayed away but watched to see what was happening. “Like them, they will survive, and you will be taken.” I pulled out a protein bar and opened it up. Breaking off a corner I held it out towards the small rabbit.

Its small brown nose twitched, trying to sniff at what I held in my hand. And it’s dark black eyes shifted from my hand to my eyes. “I don’t know if I should be giving you this. But you know…” I was sure it had lots to eat here. Hadn’t #Luna and John said something about them having nothing to worry about here until we came? “You really need to learn to hide from the others.” I told it as it jumped closer, sniffing. Then it sat up on its hind legs and took the bit of the protein bar off my hand. Testing it as I took a bite and chewed on the bar myself. “See, it’s safe to eat.” I told it. “And now I’m speaking to a bloody rabbit! I’ve lost my mind.” I huffed, but slowly the other rabbits started to make their way towards me now.

I glanced around the forest, there was still an uneasy feeling that I was being watched. Was I paranoid? I must have been.

•— John —•

I didn't let myself watch her for too long, I concealed myself in my hiding spot again and listened to her. And despite myself, I felt a tug on the corners of my lips when she started to have a full-blown conversation with the tiny creature.

If I wasn't eavesdropping and stalking her through the woods I would have laughed at her, complaining about a conversation that she had started to begin with. The hollow feeling in my chest eased the moment I let the thought in… and within seconds; it ached more than ever. I couldn't afford moments like that... not if I was going to do what was right for her.

I stayed as still as I could, hoping against hope that this small fright might prompt her to head straight to the lab or the mansion and not continue onto the beach alone. But, this was Raven Reyes after all... the woman did not scare easily. But being out here alone... it went against the protocol Bellamy had laid out after we caught Baylis. I would never tell him out loud but... he was right. None of us should be wandering the island alone... and not just because of trespassers.

What if she got hurt out here on her own? Did she have a radio? She brought food so she probably had water... But acid rain could fall at any second. And the trees offered very little cover. The tell-tale signs of the last downpour still showed on the leaves of the trees.

•— Raven —•

I clapped my hands together. “Go on, off you all go.” Brushing my hands over my thighs I slowly straighten up, standing on my feet. “I’m wasting daylight here, some of us have work to do.” Pulling my backpack over my arms and setting it on my shoulders, I took one last glance around the vicinity of the forest.

The foliage close to the ground were green down low by me, however as my eyes rise up, I saw the lush green of the leaves had turned a dark dull black. I knew that the acid rain #Luna and I had become stuck in had caused this. “Listen up you lot.” I didn’t look down as I spoke. My eyes were on the sky above me. “You need to go and hide, go home to your holes and don’t come out if it rains.” I really was going mad. “As for me, it’s time to go.”

I gave them a last glance, the cute bold rabbit jumped forward to follow me, so I shouted and scared it away. “I have enough blood on my hands. I really don’t need to add your innocence to the list too.”

Leaning down I adjusted my brace, tightening it until it dug into the flesh of my thigh, making sure it didn’t slip down or fall. I set off towards the beach. I had to get a move on now, with the day running away from me, and the threat of acid rain, I was going to be screwed if I didn’t make it to the light house in time.

•— John —•

That weight dropped heavily on my heart again; when she spoke about innocent blood on her hands. I knew she believed that #Adria's death was at least partially her fault. But even when I stole those meds... I knew it was too late. I just... It was just too close to home for me.

My father died for stealing medicine that wouldn't have saved me anyway... But part of me hoped that maybe this time it would be different... maybe I could claw out a win from a long shot for him. The hope that maybe I could do one thing right in my short disaster-filled life.

Hope… Wasn’t that a cruel, hateful bitch.

What the hell did she need to do on the beach?

The real question was… am I really going to follow her all the way to where ever she’s going?

I stayed in my hiding place as I heard her move off.

‘This is stupid…’ I thought as I dragged a hand through my hair. I had more than insured that she would ever look at me as anything other than the cockroach that everyone else saw… this creepy stalker act was low… even for me.

But when the sounds of her footsteps faded away until I couldn’t hear them anymore… it suddenly seemed that not following was the crazy idea. My stomach was in knots. I needed a fucking drink.

•— Raven —•

I knew my way to the beach, even with my hip throbbing from the uneven terrain I didn’t stop from moving forward. The rest bit with the rabbits had been unplanned. I had it in my mind that I would stop on the rocky beach to rest and then continue on towards the lighthouse.

“I’m losing daylight.��� Looking at the sky when the tree cover lightened up, giving me some indication as to how much time I had to reach my destination.

I stopped listening to the sounds around me, still unable to kick that sense of being watched. It was crawling it’s way up my spine. “I’m so paranoid.” There was no one on this island who shouldn’t be, we had made sure of it. After what had occurred with the grounder, we’d made sure that we were alone here. So, why was I still sensing something not right in the air?

While my mind had been lost in my thoughts, I lost balance on a fallen log. Just saving myself from falling by the grit of my teeth. “Hells…” This had to be the final straw. I couldn’t keep walking forwards with my eyes looking behind me. It was a foolish thing to do. And ahead of me there, I could see the opening to the beach.

The scent of the sea, the salt and the freedom drew me towards it. As much as I loved the lab and being in there. The outdoors, the sea air called to me now too. And I knew I had to thank #Luna for it. She was the one to show me that I was missing out on all the things I dreamt of when I lived on the Ark.

When I came to the security pillars, I stopped. Taking my backpack down I opened it to remove the tablet. The drones were still guarding this part of the island, I wasn’t stupid enough to leave this side unprotected. “Okay, let’s send you back for a recharge.” It would give me time to pass by safely and then reset the new drones to come back.

•— John —•

I couldn't do it. I tried... I even started to walk back to the mansion but another sound somewhere in the tree's had me whirling and heading right back in the direction of the beach. Anything could happen to her out here. Just as I started to catch up, I heard her stumble and my heart almost stopped.

But when she came into view, she seemed to be okay... but her limp was steeper than before. I knew she was hurting but she still wasn't slowing down. "Figures." I muttered to myself. "She fixes her brain and then immediately starts looking for a new way to kill herself." I rolled my eyes... but her pain was hitting me harder than it should.

I stopped when she did and watched. She was disabling the drones? Why did she need to cross the barrier? The only thing on the other side was the dock... and the entryway to the lighthouse bunker.

My mouth went dry... why would she go there? I told them all that the supplies there were gone... I had eaten everything. There was no technology there worth salvaging. As I watched her pull out the tablet it looked to me like she really didn't have a chem tent with her.

•— Raven —•

Waiting until I could see the drones making their way back towards the lab on the tablet, I glanced out before me. There was something at ease in that calm of the water, that was unless you considered that beast from the depths. The one that was hiding beneath the shadows waiting to make dinner out of anyone stupid enough to go out there without the boat.

Taking a deep breath, I sent the command to the new drones to come out for their patrol. “Just enough time for me to get past and then they will be here.” I picked up the backpack, zipping it closed and threw it over my back. A few more deep inhales before I set off with some speed. I knew I was hurting, and that if I let myself slow down it would mean I would be dead in the water with no one being any wiser of where I was.

“At least it won’t take Monty long to do a sweep out here in the open.” It was a dark joke that I knew would have earnt me a smack from #Harper, and a frown from #Luna.

The sound of thunder, had me whirling around to catch the clouds coming in from the west. “Hells! The wind must have changed in the ocean, bringing the black clouds back towards us. Which means… Hells!” It meant the black rain was coming back our way. I glanced down to my hands and the scars hiding under my jacket. I had no time to kill now. I needed to find somewhere to set up my chem tent.

Dropping the bag from my shoulders I opened it and froze. “What the Actual Hells?” I knew I had a tent in my bag, I had made sure to put it in here. But where was it now? my mind told me where. When I had been feeding the rabbits, I’d taken the tent out to get out the bars. “Hells!”

Rubbing my forehead. “Think Reyes… Think…Where… Where?” There was only one place here for me to go. Closing off the bag, I started to half run and half hop in pain towards the lighthouse bunker hoping the doors were open enough for me to get into it.

•— John —•

The sound of the thunder split the air and dread coursed through my veins. I whirled and looked up when Raven yelled. “Shit!” I muttered to myself. The clouds were moving fast.

Before I had any time to process what was happening; I heard branches and underbrush cracking under Raven’s feet. “Fuck!” She was running right for the bunker. I dragged my hand through my hair…

Panic. It was paralysing.

Her limp was so pronounced when I looked back at her. Before I even knew I had control of my body again, I was racing towards her. One good thing about being unprepared… I was also unburdened.

“Raven!!” I called to her, I came up next to her, on her injured side and threw my arm on her waist, pulling her arm over my shoulders. “Keep running!” That was all I said as I braced the weight of her injured leg against my side and ran with her as fast as we could. The trees were thin here and would offer little to no protection; we only had one option. My heart was pounding; it wasn’t fear of the rain. It was the fear of not getting her there. The fear of getting her there…. Into 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 place. What if the doors locked and she was trapped like I was? What if the doors were closed? My chest felt tight again.

When we finally reached the door, it was still slung wide open… I sighed in relief. I never thought I could be relieved to see this place. “Get inside.” I rasped, breathless, my lungs burned from the run and my side ached. I let go of her right next to the open door and pushed her inside. My feet faltered just outside. Freezing to the ground where I stood. I opened my mouth like I was going to say something, but nothing came out.

My chest moved hard and fast, burning with each inhale, my strength leaving me with each exhale. I managed to stagger back. Whether it was of my own will or if I was startled by the booming rumble that filled the air again.

I whipped my head around, there had to be somewhere. I stepped back again and looked around. The rowboat we had first come in was still on the beach. I could overturn it and ride out the storm beneath it… but its hull was splintered and cracked. Wide-eyed… I looked up the beach… The boat had a cabin. The dock was too far.

“Fuck!!” I shouted. My hands fisted roughly in my hair. I couldn’t take in any air now, and clouds gathered in the corners of my vision. I looked back at the door… Barely capable of registering that Raven was in the doorway. “I can’t…” I repeated again and again to myself.

•— Raven —•

I hadn’t even gone ten steps when the thunder cracked in the sky again. I started to count in my mind until the moment when the lightning struck too. “Hells…” The storm was coming in fast and out of nowhere. I should have known better.

My heart was pounding in my chest and in my ears too. But out of somewhere behind me I heard the feet on the ground and over the rocks. I didn’t dare look back in the fear that I would trip over myself, but then when I heard my name being called, I knew right away. It was John! What was he doing here? How has he found me?

John didn’t wait for anything at all, running up to me, he took a hold of me telling me to keep going. Just as he had the day we came to the island and the drones had been shooting at us. My arm was around his shoulders and his arm was around my waist, taking the brunt of my weight he beelined it towards the bunker.

A million questions bouncing in my mind…

Why was he here?

How did he know where I was?

Was he following me?

Or was he heading to the docks again to run?

But I didn’t say a thing right now as the sky cracked with thunder again. At the sight of the bunker door being open, relief flooded me but as John pushed me in. My body jolted to a stop, and I keeled over out of breath with the pain in my leg and hip palpable. “That was a close call.” I half thought and half said taking the time to breathe. Until I turned to find him stood at the precipice of the entrance, and with each passing moment he stepped further away from the door.

“John? What...” My eyes darted into the sky as the lightening strike came sooner this time. “John! Get in…” and then it all fell into place. “Shit!”

The fear in his eyes, the way he was backing up, the search for anywhere else to go, the reason why he wasn’t able to take those last steps forward. Okay I wasn’t a fan of John Murphy at this time. But Hells.

“What do I do?” I didn’t want him to die out there. “John.” I kept my voice low and calm, even if I could see that the rain had started to fall over the sea behind him. Taking a few steps forwards out of the bunker.

“John, please. Please! Come in this is the only way. the only place safe enough. Please. If you have any faith or trust in me.”

I held my hand out towards him. My brown eyes locked onto his baby blues, which were filled with a fear I’d not seen in them in a while now.

“John…. Beja kom op gon Ai” ( Please come to me. )

•— John —•

An arc of light streaked across the sky, and I reacted like someone had taken a shot at me. I couldn’t fall apart like this… I didn’t fall apart like this. My chest felt like it was in a vice. Even with the haze that was creeping into the corners of my vision, I could tell that the rain was falling off the coast… and the clouds were moving fast.

There was panic in her voice… but she mastered it and then…

She was stepping out of the doorway. “No!” I hadn’t meant to scream at her. But there were too many screams built up inside of me that it just escaped. “Please!” I gasped but it was hardly a word with my strangled voice. I tried to plead with her to get inside… but, all that came out was a stream of breathy sounds.

Then I realised she was calling me John… not Murphy. I was able to take a breath again and my vision cleared enough to see she had reached out to me. Pleading eye’s locked on mine and even though she kept her voice even; there was panic there.

‘Gyon gon em.’ (Go to her.) The quiet voice of reason whispered in the back of my mind… it sounded strangely like #Luna… But if I stopped to think about it, it wouldn’t be that strange at all. I tried to stamp down my fear and panic, reaching out for her hand. She had no idea what waited for her in there.

I knew the demons that haunted this place were mine alone. But I couldn’t let them touch her.

Not her.

I took a step towards her, just her. I didn’t let myself look past Raven. I knew you couldn’t cross the threshold if I looked beyond, it to the dark stairway that led to my own personal hell.

( Music: Fallout · UNSECRET · Neoni )

•— Raven —•

“I’m not going in there without you.” I told him taking a few more steps towards his retreating frame.

I wasn’t going to hide in the safety of a roof over my head and leave him out here to burn. I could still feel the drops of acid rain which fell from the sky over #Luna and me, and the marks were still visible when I took my jacket and shirt off.

He looked so lost; it had been sometime since I had seen that look in the eyes of anyone. This island had given us some hope, a rest bite from the fire fighting for our life. However, the rain that was falling behind him and coming close by the second, was a death sentence.

“That is, it, one step at a time.” Again, I kept my hand outstretched towards him and my voice unfluctuating. Even though my heart was ready to explode out of my chest, and I wanted to scream at him to get a move on. However, fear and what #Jaha had done to John by locking him in this very bunker wasn’t something to disregard. I could empathise with him, even if I knew it was the only way out of this mess, I also kept telling myself this wasn’t easy for him.

The moment John’s hands rested on mine I whispered to him. “I’ve got this. I’ve got you… Now… let’s go!” I didn’t wait for him, curling my scared fingers around his sweaty hand I tugged on him gently at first my steps walking back towards the door, and my eyes fluttering up the dark grey sky behind him.

“Hells… John, I’m sorry about this. But… we have to Run!” I pulled on him harder and started to move faster towards the door. Dragging the weight of him along with me, my hand gripping his for dear life. “I’m not leaving you out there to die!”

The door wasn’t far, but the sound of the rain on the rocks told me that it had hit land. “Hells!” I pulled on him partly stumbling but correcting myself as I pushed him towards the door, and into the bunker. Drops of the rain started to pelt into the back of my pants after ricocheting off the ground.

“Fuck…Fuck... FUCK…” I turned to push the door, not fully closed, but enough so that the acid rain didn’t come inside. The smell of burning fabric could be smelt and there was that sensation of scorching on my skin again, but we were safe! "I need you to help me here…”

I started to pull his jacket down off his shoulder, feeding out one arm and then the other. While at the same time fighting the urge to vomit, the bile was churning in my stomach from the smell all around us.

•— John —•

I heard her and I felt her hand on my knee... I needed to catch my breath.

‘You are a survivor remember?’

Her words echoed and played in my mind. She was right... I wasn't alone this time. A.L.I.E. was gone... there was no one left that would want to control this place and keep me locked in here... Right? I looked up at her. Those hazel eyes were so close and filled with panic. The cold splash of water shook me from the haze, easing the burn and sharpening my senses as I felt the cool, welcome sensation of the water running down my back.

I took another breath as she tugged at my jacket and helped her pull it from my arms. It was only when I moved away from the wall that I realized she had stripped off her boots and pants. But all I could focus on; were the burns on her caramel skin...

Because she'd left the shelter of the door to come and get me.

"There was nowhere else." I said.

She was apologizing to me? She was hurt because of me... again. "I'm okay." I insisted, trying to take inventory of where I might be hurting but the burning in my lungs and throat from the jagged breathing was filling my mind and blocking out any other feeling. My fingers prodded near the welt on the back of my neck. "I think that’s the worst of it." My arms revealed a few marks like the ones on her legs and I let her pour the water over them. Then I rubbed my hands over them wincing at the sting, but I knew I had to get the contaminated rainwater off of my skin.

I looked back to Raven again and noticed she was turning an unflattering shade of green. Just another thing to add to the long list of slights against her today. "We need to change the air filter." I said, my voice huskier than normal... had I really screamed that much? I screwed the cap back onto the bottle of water and put it into the backpack, drawing one of the straps over my shoulder. My eyes fell on her unbraced leg. I knew she wouldn’t make it down the stairs and she was in no shape to strap the brace back on yet. I lifted her arm cautiously across my shoulders careful of any new burns and the one on the back of my neck too.

"I'll help you down the stairs and I'll take care of that, okay?" My arm slipped around her waist to help her to her feet. Being this close to her after my realisation on the docks was as painful as it was thrilling. It was a ridiculous feeling. She could’ve died trying to save me from my own stupidity. I was still Murphy to her right now.

"This isn't going to be pretty, Raven... I was... things got bad here." I shuddered, my eyes following the last of the steps down. I didn't know if I could make it down the rest of them... but Raven couldn't sit here in the stairway with those burns on her legs.

I lifted her to her feet; my own legs weren't as solid as I wished they were. "I'm sorry that you have to be here."

•— Raven —•

He finally spoke and started to help me. I could see the raw and red blisters on his skin, and I knew how much those were burning him, because I had my own too. I dropped some more water on my own legs when he started to take care of his. “Gentle with the rubbing, you don’t want to rip your skin off.” Cautioning him because it had been a lesson #Luna had taught me.

When he said there was nowhere else, we could have gone, I rolled my eyes. However, it wasn’t at him. “We would have had a chem tent if it weren’t for my stupidity.” But then again, I needed the down time. It sounds crazy now. But seeing those innocent rabbits made me want to get up and keep going.

My eyes flew to the door. Were they okay now or had they been killed by this nightmare that came thundering down from the skies? I couldn’t… I couldn’t let myself think like that, it wasn’t going to help me or John if I started to spiral right now too.

Still finding it hard to breathe, I was holding my breath and only taking in the stale air when my lungs were burning and crying out for another breath. Leaning on the wall for support, my eyes flew up to him from my legs. Was he crazy? The way he was fighting not to come in here, and then his reaction to me pulling him in, and now he wanted to go down into the belly of the beast?

“You don’t have to do that, Murphy. Give me a moment or two, I’ll get my brace—” Before I could finish what I was saying his arm was weaved around my waist and he was helping me to straighten up. “You don’t have to do this Murphy… I can go down there…”

The rancid smell was hitting the back of my throat as we slowly started down the steps. The sound of the rain wasn’t letting up behind us. And so, I didn’t fight him, however at the same time I could see how hard this was on him. Each step down felt like it was becoming heavier, slower, to the point where we were stood still half way down.

“You have nothing to apologise for, the rain isn’t on you.” A thought occurred to me now that we were out of the danger. “What are you doing here?” My eyes narrowed as we finally made it to the ground and the smell was sickening here. He wasn’t meant to be this far out on the island. “I left you in the grounds of the mansion.” And I hadn’t said anything kind to him there.

I heaved a few times, covering my mouth and nose with the crook of my elbow, with the burning hitting my eyes now too. Not to mention the sight before me as I started to glance around the bunker.

“Fuck…” What happened in here? John hadn’t been exaggerating when he said it wasn’t going to be pretty.

•— John —•

She was right about the rubbing, but this was my first encounter with the black rain in the personal sense. I shook my head when she mentioned the chem tent. I really couldn't say much. I had fought with her until she stormed off without thinking... At least she had water with her... All I had was a handgun in the back of my jeans and the knife in my boot. "It’s not your fault, Raven."

I kept her pressed against my side and helped her down one step at a time. "You can't clip that brace back on Raven, not right away." There was no way we could stay here until she healed but at the very least not until the wound closed and I found a way to dress them.

I cleared my throat when she asked why I was here. My mind was still reeling; my eyes darted around the room like there might be something lurking in the corners. I couldn't deal with these frayed nerves, my raw throat, burnt skin and keep a lie straight at the same time.

"I..." I stifled a cough as we passed under a vent.

"I um... followed you." I admitted as I let her sink down on the couch and quickly hurried into the room that housed all the inner workings of the bunker.

I slid the filter from the machine, trying not to think about the morning I discovered the technology here was less advanced than the rest of Becca's creations. It was yellow and crusted with dust; it must have continued to run after I ran. There were rows and rows of replacements... luckily enough for several years, I grabbed a new one and peeled off the plastic before replacing it.

•— Raven —•

“I can put the brace on, I’ve done it with worse injuries.” But he had set me down and rushed off after dropping a bombshell.

Lost for words I sat there on the couch; however, my eyes did not leave him until he was out of my sight line. And then I was searching for what took place in the space around me. Looking and letting it sink in, but still breathing only when I had to. Keeping my mouth covered and my eyes down, there was something in here making them burn.

When he trusted me. ( Or at least when he was pretending to trust me. ) He had told me very little about this place. Most of what I knew was from listening to his sleepy ramblings while he was in midst of his nightmares. The memory of sitting there watching over him, it stabbed me in the chest now. Had that all been a trick?

My inner voice said No. Nobody could fake those screams, that pain and fear in his eyes. The knife he held to me… I closed my eyes and shook those memories away. Because now, there was something more to deal with.

“You followed me? After everything you said to Luna and me, was there something left that you needed face to face time with me?” There was an edge of bitterness in my voice, but I stopped. He was here, in this bunker and I wasn’t going to cause him pain even if he had broken my trust. “Why are you here Murphy? What made you follow me?”

Muttering under my breath, “It’s good to know I wasn’t going mad in the forest.” I felt someone behind me, “Why were you hiding?” Because when I glanced back there was no one there. I spoke up now. “Why were you hiding from me in the forest? Why didn’t you step out and tell me you were there?”

The air from the vent picked up, and now I could feel it blowing into the bunker, there was still a stale stench coming from it and I knew it would take a few moments before the smells would dissipate.

•— John —•

Her questions rattled through my head. I had already admitted to following her, there was no reason to deny it anymore. As I came back into the main room and looked around, I heaved a sigh. Hell... now that she had seen this place, I could come clean to her if I wanted to. There's no way she would see me the same way after this.

"I didn't follow you to yell at you some more." I said as I moved around the room searching for something clean that I could put under her burned legs in case the filth of this place caused an infection. I had spent little time in the bedroom because the screen was out here and the closest thing, I could get to human contact was by watching Becca's boyfriend's videos over and over again. I disappeared into the bedroom and pulled the cleanest of the sheets off the bed.

"You were angry..." I continued when I came back into the room.

"I was worried that you'd storm through the woods and get hurt... or..." I knelt in front of her and lifted her legs, choosing the placement of my hands with care and tucking the clean-ish sheet under her so none of the wounds came into contact with the dirty couch.

"I don't know… blowing something up."

I moved around the room, seemingly unable to stay still. I started to pick up empty bottles and ration wrappers... like there was any chance the tidying this place would lessen the gloom or the stench. At least it was slowly filtering out. I didn't know how to answer her question about why I hid.

"I just... You were pissed at me." I held my hands in surrender. "With good reason... and I just... I couldn't take another screaming match."

I shook my head at how ridiculously self-serving that sounded... "And then... you seemed to... relax maybe? Just for a second." I remembered her conversation with the rabbits.

"I knew that seeing me would kill that... so I hid. Pathetic... but... true."

I had an arm full of empty bottles now and no empty surface to put them on... so I just started to set them in rows in the furthest corner of the kitchen.

•— Raven —•

I parted my lips to snap back at him. To tell him I was within my rights to be mad at him. And John Murphy stole my moment.

He stole the wind from behind my sails again. Of course, he would do that, just when I thought there was no heart in that chest of his. John Murphy would go and act like he cared. This was a big part of the problem. Was he that good with the con, or was it that I was just so naïve?

Setting my legs down my fingers brushed the over hundred-year-old sheet. Spots of blood from the back of my legs dotted around now.

“Hurt myself? Blow something up? I’m not that stupid.” But I wouldn’t say that the thought hadn’t passed in my mind.

Pressing the bridge of my nose I closed my eyes after following him around the room cleaning. “Murphy…” What was I even going to say to this boy? “Of course, I was pissed at you, what you did, how you spoke to Luna, that was unforgivable. After everything she has done for us, for all of us. She didn’t deserve what you dished out.”

I shifted forwards on the couch, keeping my legs away from the fabric he’d placed under me even if it was now bloodied. My eyes darted up to find him again. He had seen me… He had seen me talking to the animals… “I bet he thinks I’m crazy as hells.” I muttered to myself.

Rubbing my hand over my face I was lost for words. “Pathetic? That’s not a word I would use.” Being here wasn’t giving me or John any ease from what I witnessed before me. “You didn’t need to follow me, you don’t need to be….” What was I trying to say? Even I didn’t know, because he had followed, and more so he came back into this place because he was worried about what could happen in the forest.

Sighing, I let my head drop. The sickening stench was easing off my senses. “I’m sorry that you felt you had to follow me. That I made you come in here.”

•— John —•

I gave a short, grim laugh. "The last thing you could ever be is stupid, Rey." I shook my head. She was a lot of things, and stupid was certainly NOT among them. "But... reckless... self-destructive?" I came back around and stood where she could see me. My tone wasn't harsh or criticising it was just a matter-of-fact statement and surely Raven couldn't deny that. She had literally killed herself!

I swept clutter to one end of the low table and perched on it a few feet from her, abandoning the foolish endeavour to try and tidy the room. "I know... I shouldn't have..." I didn't know what to say. I wanted to apologise and tell her I was an idiot, but I knew it was better this way. "It's just easier... for things to be like they were, Raven. Before..." I looked around the room. But this room didn't represent what had happened on this Island since I returned. I came back as a different version of myself... or maybe I became a new version of myself here… because of her. "It's too hard... Raven. The way you live for others, live to protect the people you lo--" I choked on the word.

"Care about. I can't live like that."

It wasn't a lie. When I found out what Raven had done? That she'd died and had to be revived? That she'd hidden her intentions from me after everything we'd endured... It had felt like someone cut me open. I couldn’t survive that again. "You don't have anything to be sorry for. It was my own guilt that made me follow you, nothing else. I had no supplies... no chem tent, not even a bottle of water... and you ended up rescuing me." I forced a smile. "I should be apologising to you for those burns."

•— Raven —•

Rubbing my forehead with the back of my hand I had to clench my jaw. “Please… Murphy… Don’t stop… tell me just how you feel about me.” This was a foolish move. What did I think was going to happen in here? That we would forgive one another of all that was broken between us?

Reckless... Self-destructive…This is what he thought of me? And fine… I could take the hit on one of them. But… “Maybe I should go…” I shifted to move. “I can wait up there.” I pointed my finger towards the steps he half carried me down. “For the rain to stop and I can get back on my way.” But then I paused as he took a seat on the table.

“Love… That’s the word you are looking for... I live to protect the people I love and think of as my family.” Did he really believe what he was saying right now?

“You cannot tell me you believe this crap?” Pointing to his mouth. “That thing of yours is known to say some crazy crap. But that…” I shook my head, then abruptly stopping. The headaches had been getting better, but there still remained a ghost of something heavy behind my eyes.

“You know what.” I closed my eyes placing my fingers on my temples, rubbing them in a circular motion. “I don’t believe you. You cannot sit here and tell me something is hard when you have been doing it. You cannot say it’s not You when it’s been proven that you care… And you most definitely won’t be allowed to treat people who care for you like shit.”

Finally, I opened my eyes to find his. “Don’t apologise to me… I’m not the person whose heart you have broken just now.” That was a lie, seeing him speaking to #Luna in that way had ripped my heart out. And that after I caught him trying to leave the island, even if it was for the right reasons.

I broke my gaze away from his before he could read the heartbreak in them and let myself slowly take in the heart of the bunker.

“This can’t be easy for you… Coming back down here?”

•— John —•

I knew that she wouldn't want to hear that she was reckless or self-destructive... I mean it wasn't a compliment. But both of those things also made her brave and fearless, and unbelievably creative… determined to solve any problem that we faced. My eyes stilled on her expression, the pain there twisted my gut... I couldn't say any of those things to her. I swallowed hard.

"Raven, you killed yourself!" The words flew out as I move to stand in front of her, ready to try and stop her if she did try to stand. "How much more self-destructive can you get?" The edges of my vision blurred as I fought back hot tears. I couldn't help but imagine her lying in a puddle of ice water while they tried to revive her. I'd thought about searching for the security footage... but I couldn't face it.

I let out a dark, cold laugh when she mentions a broken heart... instantly I knew that it was the only word to describe the hollow ache so deep in my chest that it penetrated my soul... or whatever it was people like me had in place of one. "That's exactly why I can't do this Raven... You say I've laugh when she mentions a broken heart... instantly I knew that it was the only word to describe the hollow ache so deep in my chest that it penetrated my soul... or whatever it was people like me had in place of one. "That's exactly why I can't do this Raven... You say I've Raven alive. Yet, I’d still fucked it up… Had I only succeeded because I had grown to need her? Did I throw myself into the task because I couldn’t bear to lose her?

There was no denying it. I was selfish and rotten to the core.

"No one can fix me... and they all keep trying. I tried... okay, I did." My voice cracked now. "And I always came up short... I'm so tired Raven."

I found myself forcing a cough to cover a sniffle. "Yeah... this place... It's my own personal hell. But I'll survive, I always do." But when I said those words this time; I didn't believe them. Maybe it would be best if I didn’t.

•— Raven —•

I sat still, my neck back, chin up and face a blank canvas. I couldn’t say a word to him, not now as he bared his soul. Or at least that’s how I was starting to sympathise in the moment.

There were things still left unsaid when he stood up and placed himself in front of me. I was unsure what he was hoping to accomplish by it.

“So, you try again.”

The words came without thinking, my voice was even as I permitted myself to speak from my heart.

“So… You… Try… Again….” This time I said it a little louder.

“We don’t give up; we may mess up... like you just said… Hells… I killed myself… I could have been free of all this crap.” My hand waved all around me. “But… I’m such an overachiever… I managed to save myself… it’s like I did such a good job, that now I need to think about everything I could have been free from… I pushed myself up to stand, the air had cleared, but there was a scent of acid around us. And I could imagine it was from the rain.

“This place is your personal hell… it’s because you ran… you made the choice to run instead of facing your Demons. So, now you’re back.

You are in the same place where you gave up, where you made the choice death was better than to fight… Doesn’t that tell you there is a bigger picture here for you? That you were brought here to do something? To be something more?”

Why did he not have the faith inside of him, that Abby and #Luna had for him?

“But… maybe… just maybe… running is your thing… the easy path and maybe the easy route is all you care to take.”

•— John —•

She said those words like it was so easy, and when I looked at her, she had so much determination and hope in her eyes; that it made mine burn. How could I tell her that it was better for her if I stopped trying? Trying is what got me twisted up like this in the first place, my moment of madness that let me believe I could be better… worthy.

I was fooling myself. Still, it pained me to look away.

But then my jaw dropped… Was killing herself the intent of that experiment? Why would anyone choose such a painful way to die? My heart started to pound in my chest. “Don’t talk like that Raven… Don’t…” I shook my head, I couldn’t bear the thought of her snuffing out her light like that, or any other way.

That would be the night the stars all fell from the sky.

I could almost feel the cold press of the barrel to my chin again. The memory made me shudder and want to drag her out of here before this place could get beneath her skin like it had mine.

When she stood up I did too… ready to catch her but trying not to let that show in my body language. “I had to run, Raven… I would have starved down here if #Jaha decided to lock me in again. So, I ran… it was the only way to survive.” My nerves were tittering on the edge watching her standing there without her brace. My insides were twisting and tearing with each word she said, I knew she needed to stop this hope for me… To stop fighting for that other piece of me. But every single cell in my body would pray to gods I didn’t believe in for her to never give up on me. Selfishly wishing that maybe… It could be.

All it took was one slight lean forward and I closed the gap between us in one long stride. Thoughts of keeping that distance I had carved out between us vanished. My arm went around her waist, when my chest met hers, I knew I’d take that step too hastily and now that space was non-existent. But still, I held her there. One second; my heart was pounding for a different reason now. Two seconds; even through the smell of the acid rain and the scent of the bunker I could smell the lavender in her hair… from the shampoo in Becca’s bathroom. Three seconds, those big, hazel eyes, right there, so close… like they were seeing into my soul.

That was the thought that shook me. Even now… the idea of her seeing the real me, the one I had tried so hard to be rid of… No, I couldn’t let her see him. It was hard enough to think of her hating me… but knowing that monster inside? That was too much.

I swallowed hard. “If you’re going to move around, at least wait until I get your brace.” I glanced towards the stairs… The only door was at the top of them so there was no way I could be cut off from her. It was a few steps down for the door. I leaned forward, one hand on her back to steady her as I eased her down, the other moved to her hip. Suddenly remembering that she had stripped off her trousers; which were soaked with the black rain, and there was very little fabric between her skin and my hand.

“Shit.” I muttered under my breath. Then to her, I said. “Sorry.” As I eased her the rest of the way back into the couch. “I’ll be right back.” And I slipped away, careful of any of the red and purple burns as I did.

Halfway up the stairs, I realised two things, one… I had been holding my breath and two… the door was still just slightly ajar. Shut enough to keep the rain out and open enough that the tiny sliver of light in the crack of the door made it easier for me to breathe. “ALIE is gone.” I whispered to myself as I picked up her brace. “Jaha isn’t here.” I grabbed my jacket and her trouser, careful to only touch the dry parts.

Her words played in my head now.

‘But… maybe… just maybe… running is your thing… the easy path and maybe the easy route is all you care to take.’

If only she knew… She thought I was taking that route… but nothing could be further from the truth.

The only place I wanted to run was towards her.

•— Raven —•

“I… “ some part of me hoped that even #Jaha wouldn’t have allowed John to remain down here to starve to death. However, who was I kidding? It had been #Jaha and his council who had floated people from the Ark for years. “But running now… it’s not the same… is it?”

What had just transpired here between us? I was sat once again, not understanding how or even when I’d stood up. Being in the moment the action hadn’t even registered. And then I’d taken a step forward towards him and my hip and leg had given away beneath me. I had set my mind ready to fall, and then his hands were right there.

John Murphy had once again stepped up and taken care of me, this had been the same boy who had said such crass things to #Luna only an hour or so ago. The more he said he didn’t care, the more his actions undermined him. He just held me, made sure I was okay, before setting me down and now…

However, as I waited with my hazel eyes on the stairs, I understood what I’d told him. What I hadn’t even acknowledged myself. That there came a moment where I was ready to let go and not come back. When I now closed my eyes, recalling that moment when #Sinclare urged me to keep fighting, to never give up, reminding me that I was a fighter to the end, and that that hadn't been my time! I had seen and felt something that I had blocked out. But what? I still couldn’t recall.

I lay back, my head resting on the couch, glad that finally even with the musty scent in the air, the rest of it had cleaned out and I could breathe without wanting to retch.

Knowing that he could hear me still, even if he had disappeared back up the stairs. “Murphy, I know it’s not easy… being here with us… we have a way to make it hard for others to want to stick around when the times are hard… But sticking with us is the only way out of this mess…” I may have told him to go and leave before when I found him and the others at the docks. But I couldn’t let him, and his friends sign their own death warrants.

•— John —•

"It's not the same... Nothing is the same now." The words were out of my mouth before I thought them through. I knew why I wanted to run... Fear.

Fear of this place. Fear of the truth and depth of my feelings for Raven. Fear wasn't a weakness; it was a survival mechanism. I paused on my way back down the stairs... did she think that I was going to run? Did she still not believe me that when she found us taking the boat, I was just trying to keep Emori safe? Even that wasn't truly leaving... I knew that they would come to the bunker soon after us...

She was right though... this... was not easy. I stopped in front of where she sat on the couch and set her brace next to her. Meeting her eyes was hard, but I knew it was the only way that she would believe the words I was about to say.

"I'm not going anywhere, Stargazer." I swallowed hard. If there was one thing that I feared more than her learning the truth; it was never seeing her again. I was some kind of masochist. "If I'll follow you back into this PTSD nightmare, I'll follow you anywhere." I stepped away quickly and took our clothes to the sink. I knew that we couldn't wear them with the acid rain-soaked into them.

I turned the tap... hoping that the water system was still working. It took a few seconds but after an initial spurt of water, it flowed freely. I cleared my throat. "It’s not what you could call decontamination... but it will have to do." I let the water run over her trousers first touching it as little as possible until it was completely soaked... then hoped for the best as I wrung out the fabric.

•— Raven —•

Curling my fingers around the girth of my brace, giving the contraption a once over. Parts of the metal had seen spital of the acid in the rain, but all in all it would still do its job for now. Later on, I had to make sure that I worked on it once I was back at #Becca’s mansion.

“What do you mean by that? Nothing is the same?” The words were out before I could stop myself. The time I’d spent with #Luna and him meant that my habit of thinking before speaking wasn’t at its upmost. I had started to let some of my walls down, and I knew that would have to change sooner rather than later.

I turned my attention to the back of my legs, checking to see if putting the brace back on would be possible. The burns this time weren’t as bad as when I’d fallen with #Luna, there would be scars. But then again, my body was littered with them so why not a few more?

And then I was looking up at him. John wasn’t holding back today that was a fact. From telling #Luna how he felt, to talking about his time here with me… “Jo— Murphy…” The name thing was challenging for me. After letting him in, the space I needed now to make this thing with him work… Hells… it was going to be taxing. I rubbed my thigh when he gathered our clothes, and he was gone again.

I clipped the brace on testing it before pulling myself back up onto my bare feet. “I’m sorry I pulled you into here…” I was apologising once again. “I didn’t want to do it, but… Well… There was nowhere else.” I stayed still and didn’t follow him sensing his need for some space. “Then again, you shouldn’t have been following me.” the words out before I could stop them. “I mean… You should have stayed at the mansion; you didn’t need to be spying on me.” Okay… the second attempt was no better than the first. I really needed to give up. However, giving up was not in my nature.

Finally, I followed behind him, looking over his shoulder at the water running over our clothes. “I can see the holes in it from here. But it’s better than traipsing the rest of the way in my underwear and this shirt.” I pulled at the thin fabric I was glad I hadn’t needed to take off.

•— John —•

I looked around the room. "Since I got out of here... Everything... is different. I thought I was different, but people don't change.”

There it was again. The fact that she couldn't bring herself to call me John anymore. Before I built up the courage to tell her she had nothing to apologize for... she'd saved me from what would have been an extremely painful death. But then she started to say I shouldn't have followed her... and of course, I knew that she was right. I shouldn't have followed her... I shouldn't have hidden when she almost caught me. Above all... I shouldn't have made her walk out into the acid rain to save my sorry arse.

"I know... it was stupid... and –" I turned to look at her standing with the brace on now; I knew that had to hurt with the burns on her legs. "I know you don't need me to protect you... I mean..." I raised my hand towards the stairs. "Clearly, I need you to save me more than you need me." I huffed and turned back to the sink, wringing out the second rinse of her trousers. “I should have just let you go… You were mad… And the thought of you being mad and, in the woods, alone.” I shrugged… it was a pathetic excuse. “It… worried me.” The was a bald-faced lie; it completely fucking terrified me.

I turned to look at her. "Considering the forest will be dripping radioactive rain when we get out of here, I would say these are definitely better than nothing."

•— Raven —•

“I disagree with you… People do change… they have to…. It’s what life is all about. We learn and grow and… well…” Well, what? “Well… We learn to be better or worse… However, it’s all change.” I looked around the bunker. “I know this place here is a living hell for you.” I’d herd his screams, and his murmurings when he slept at nights while looking after me. “However, it changed who you are too. The question is what are you planning to do with those lessons.” Because there was a truth in all of our Hells. “It’s how we come out on the other side that matters.”

He had to have seen the changes that he’d made in himself since arriving on this island with the rest of us. Nothing was pushed on him; they were all steps he had taken. Then again, the first opportunity he got to revert to his old self… Okay, I was going in circles in my own mind now.

“I—” I hadn’t seen that coming, I stood there watching him in surprise. John Murphy was agreeing with me? It wasn’t even a fight or an argument? I just stood there in silence not even sure what to say to him next until he spoke about the state of the outside world.

“It’s a good thing I’m not heading back into the forest then.” I would leave here as soon as my clothes were ready.

•— John —•

She was right... Of course, she was fucking right! I knew because I had changed. I hadn't stopped changing from the moment I watched #Luna crying over that little girl. Since I stole Raven out from under A.L.I.Es control... Was I still changing? Maybe... on the inside. But I needed the others to think I had given up and gone back to my old ways.

"What lessons could I learn by being locked up on my own for eighty-nine days?" I scoffed and shook my head. I open a cabinet beneath the counter, draped Raven's trousers over it to dry and started to wash my jacket.

"That nobody noticed I was gone?" I scrubbed the patchy fabric a little too hard. "That our so-called Chancellor was a psychopath? Because I knew that already... Or that nobody even noticed that when Jaha came back… NONE of the people left with him made it back?"

I laughed darkly.

"All that being stuck here taught me is that I wasn’t even a speck on anyone’s radar. Just like the rest of the misfits that followed that prick into the dead zone. And that I was too much of a coward to pull the fucking trigger."

The last one gushed out before I could stop it. I dumped the jacket into the sink and gripped the ledge.

"Fuck!" I gasped and stared at the water pooling on the tattered leather.

I chuckled softly at the fact I rendered her speechless with my admission. It took a minute for her words to register. "Wait... You're not going back to the mansion?" To get to the lab she would need to go into the woods too... "The..." I tilted my head... "Then where are we going?"

•— Raven —•

I took a step back to lean on the side counter. My hip was letting me know that I’d been stood still too long, that I needed to rest my weight or start to walk. But walking would stop him from talking.

Crossing my arms over my chest, the creases of a frown on my forehead. I parted my lips to let him know that his leaving had been noticed. ( Sure, some were happy to see the back of him, however some wanted to make sure he didn’t end up dead. If only because he was one of us. ) However, I could tell it wasn’t going to help him. He needed to let his demons out.

I felt my chest tighten as he let out the truth about the gun, again something he had alluded towards but never outright spoken about.

And then in a low calm voice, with my hazel eyes locked onto his side profile as he continued to work on the clothes. “It wasn’t cowardice of you….” I couldn’t believe how little he thought of that moment. So, I said it a little louder this time. “It wasn’t cowardice of you not to pull the trigger of that gun. It was strength… It was power… You learnt how far you could go, and then you pushed those boundaries to the extreme…even if in the moment you couldn’t see it.”

My voice shook as I felt my eyes burn. “If you hadn’t have stopped yourself, I would be dead. You never would have come back to see what Jahn and A.L.I.E were doing to the rest of us. But in my case… I willingly gave up… I willingly became a porn in their game because I was done. I didn’t want to hurt… I was willing to give up. And it was you… Who saved me and the others… You took the first steps to bring A.L.I.E down.”

Clearing my throat I shifted on my feet again, moving my weight. Because to say all that out loud to a man who threw my friendship back in my face wasn’t easy. However, he deserved to know the truth.

“So, you learnt a lot… the question is will you admit to it… if not out loud, at least to yourself.” I swallowed back the emotions that were bursting at the doors to be unleashed, questioning myself wasn’t something I was ready to do here.

“Hmm… Why do you sound so shocked? When have you known me to be out for the jolly? I wasn’t sightseeing out here.” I wasn’t sure why I felt so defensive at him questioning me now. “I’m going to the light house.” I told him. “Well… the satellite tower beside the lighthouse. I need to adjust and bring the dishes back online. Because Monty and I have found something up there.” I pointed up. “It’s in earth’s orbit, but we need a clear picture to see what the hells it is.”

•— John —•

If what I had just said shocked her, she didn’t let it show. Maybe her attempt at resetting her brain was more of a suicide plan than a last-ditch chance at saving herself? The thought made me feel physically sick. But this was Raven… She could never just pull a trigger. At least her way… if she had died; she would have let the people who loved her believe she died fighting. She wouldn’t have been a corpse rotting in an underground bunker on a forgotten island.

Would she be dead? I pulled that trigger… would anyone have stopped A.L.I.E from taking her. #Jasper was there… he was still resisting. “Someone would ha—“ I stopped myself, I choked on the words. I couldn’t. Saving Raven was the only good thing that I had ever done that hadn’t ended in death and disaster. It was the one thing I could hold onto. I couldn’t give that up on the off chance that someone else might have helped her.

There was no way to know what might have happened. I stopped scrubbing my jacket and locked sky-blue eyes on hers, a darker hazel in the low lighting of the bunker. “And I would have been dead ten times over if I hadn’t saved you that night.”

I shook my head and wrung out the excess water from my jacket when her old sarcastic self, returned. But then I froze… Not at the object in orbit… not a satellite tower I didn’t know existed. “Mo—“ I sucked in a breath through my nose the tamp down the anger that was clawing its way up the centre of my chest. Too fast, too burning hot. I spoke slowly and measured each word. “Monty… Knew you were going out to do this… and he let you go… Alone?”

I was going to kill that fucking nerd.

•— Raven —•

Rubbing on my forehead because I completed what he was about to say. If he hadn’t cut himself off. He would have said someone else would have shown up. And I know it was a 50/50 chance of it happening. Ifs and Buts and Maybes didn’t save lives. Action did. Which was why while the others stood around talking, I acted. I got to Doing, and not just debating.

Taking in a low and slow breath, still testing the air in the hoped that I wouldn’t regret the action. I was relieved to find the air in the bunker had cleaned out somewhat.

“Like I said, if you hadn’t saved me… I wouldn’t have been around to save your arse.” He was making my point for me, and he didn’t even know it.

Holding my hand up in front of me I pulled my eyebrows together. “Hold up there…” The way he said #Monty’s name didn’t sit right with me.

“Yes, Monty knows. And to make things clear here. He doesn’t have the say in what I do. And No one here on this earth will Let me do what I need to. Is that clear?” My voice rising a little bit with anger.

Let me… LET ME! Who did he think I was? “I was the one who left Monty at the lab, it’s where I need him to test the situation once I have things fixed and working with the tower.” Throwing my hands in the air. “Why am I even telling you all of this?” Why did I feel like an emotional roller-coaster around this boy right now?

Stepping around him, I left the kitchen. My clothes were wet, and I needed something to wear to leave this place. “There must be something in here for me to wear.” I muttered to myself.

But then I stopped in my tracks. I was replaying his words in my mind, and I spun around to face him. His words were there, and I had heard them.

‘Then where are we going?’

“What did you mean by WE?” I asked him. “You are going to the mansion, where you should be right now.” What was it with him? Why did he always insert himself into my life even now? After he’d made it clear he wanted nothing to do with me.

Rolling my eyes, I turned and started to walk deeper into the bunker, in the hopes to find something to wear and to get out of here as soon as I could.

•— John —•

I rolled my eyes, of course, she’d made this out to be a stupid alpha male thing. "That's not what I meant, and you know it, Rey. After Baylis, #Bellamy said that none of us should go anywhere alone, and we all agreed."

Fuck! Now she had me agreeing with Bellamy Fucking Blake!

When she asked why she was bothering to tell me about what they found... it hit me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. This was it... I was back to where I had always stood with the rest of the A-Team... rock bottom. Not even worthy enough to be let in on the plan.

This had been my goal... to become less than a blip on all of their radars, but to be so low on Raven’s? I’d let this go too far… I got in over my head. I’d let myself have something that could be lost… It was my only rule… never have something worth losing. This was Emori’s fault; she’d opened up that door… to what having a friend could be like… The #Luna… too wise, too all-seeing. And now this… Raven… This was too much to bare losing. For a moment my gaze left her and flitted to where I had stupidly hidden the revolver.

Fuck!!

"W-we don't go anywhere alone on this island. We both messed up on that one today. "Let's try to make it our last fuck up of the day." I made my voice cold... I turned back to the sink, braced my hands on it, staring at nothing as she walked away.

•— Raven —•

“Since when do you give a crap about what Bells says or wants?” I was hundred percent sure that if #Bellamy told John to go left in the middle of the day, John Murphy would go right in the dead of night.

I was muttering to myself, not really caring if he could hear me. my hands were around every surface to see if there was anything in this place to salvage in terms of clothing. “He doesn’t care, and then he does. The boy runs hot and cold.” I muttered some more.

“Finally!” I pulled open a closet door, finding air tight still well wrapped uniforms. But as soon as my fingers reached out, I hoped they were okay to wear. “Will these be safe?” Asking myself, even though I knew they would be, if they were still sealed, we would be fine.

Removing two packets I started back the way I came, hearing the last of John’s conversation.

“How did I fu—” I stopped, glancing over to frown at him. “Could I point out, if I hadn’t thought I was going crazy in the forest because I felt like I was being watched. I wouldn’t have fucked up.” As I spoke my eyes drifted to the sink and his hands. The whites of his knuckles showing as though he were fighting himself. Or just irritated at having to step up to baby sit me.

“Here, these are better than the hole filled clothes.” Throwing one of the packets towards him. “I’m going to leave as soon as I’m dressed. The frequency of the rain is proof, we don’t have time to mess around.”

Some part of me felt like it was a good idea to get him out of here now that the rain had stopped. He needed to come back here, sure. But it didn’t mean that he needed to stay any longer to torture himself in this bunker now.

Turning my back towards him, I sat down, taking my brace off so that I could dress myself.

•— John —•

I had to restrain a frustrated growl. "Ever since he started talking sense... and that was before the black rain got this frequent. Have you forgotten the state I came back in the last time a stranger came to this island? And that was three against one." I might as well be talking to myself... just like Raven was.

My chest tightened hearing what she was muttering to herself. I was sending her mixed messages... just another sign that this obsession I had with her was bad for us both. It was a gut punch... thinking of how I felt about her as an obsession. Like it was something disgusting... it didn’t fit in my head. But this was so, so bad for Raven… so maybe it was the right description.

I released my grip on the sink when I saw her gaze drop to my hands. She already hated me... I didn't need her to be afraid of me at the same time. At least she was saying we now. I ripped open the plastic package she'd handed me, pulling out the light zip-up jacket inside. Trying not to watch her unclasp the brace she'd have to wear every day for the rest of her life because of me. Her voice replayed in my head reminding me that she'd be dead right now if it wasn't for me. My eyes moved to the armchair and the revolver hidden poorly beneath the cushion.

But it wasn't just that day in Arkadia... there was the day on the beach when we arrived on the island. Her seizures... the nights spent on the floor next to her bed listening to the steady beeping of the monitors.

I shrugged into the jacket leaving the burned one here and retrieved the gun from under the cushion. Measuring the cool weight of it in my hand, not even trying to conceal it. My eyes moved to her, oblivious to the fact that she might want privacy while she dressed. But the fact that she was still pulling on the trousers was the last thing on my mind. My eyes stayed firmly on her face; the only thing I could think about in that moment was; even if the only thing I was good at for the rest of my life was keeping her alive... then it was worth it, to stay alive for her... as long as I could.

No matter how badly it hurt to be this close to something I could never have. It was worth it.

She was worth it.

"I'll meet you at the top of the stair. Don't leave without me." I squeezed my hand around the handgun and headed up the stairs, marching right out the doors and to the shoreline. I pushed the chamber of the gun open and let the bullets spill into my palm, five rounds left. I hurled the gun as hard and far into the water as I could. I held one of the bullets between my thumb and forefinger. The final four went the same way as the gun... and the other I slid into my pocket as a reminder.

•— Raven —•

“I’m sure Bells is waiting with baited breath for the day you would agree with him. And if there were another person or persons her on the island, mine and Monty’s searches would have found them.” Okay fine, the sarcasm was unnecessary. However, I couldn’t help myself.

He was lost in his thoughts as I was in mine, getting dressed was like a list in my mind.

1. Underwear while I was sat down

2. Socks, it was easier sitting

3. Pants while I was sat to my knees.

4. Top pulled on

5. Stand up to finish pulling the pants up

6. Sit back down for my Boots

7. Brace last and then I was set to go.

Things I never thought about before being shot, things most people took for granted, we don’t give a second thought, but now. It had to be done in an order so that I was dressed with as little pain caused as possible.

I didn’t have time to say anything to him, he was rushing up the stairs and out the bunker before my boots were on.

I picked up the new light weight jacket and put it on before I was up the stairs slowly one at a time. Collecting my backpack at the top I threw it over my shoulder, before following John out into the wet and damp forest. The clearing was overgrown, but I could still just make out the path towards the beach where I saw the back of John disappearing.

“He said to wait, I should…” Follow! That is what I did, keeping my distance from him, but I followed him and witnessed his actions.

Unsure what he was looking at, until he removed the bullets. My heart sunk; this was a turning point. It had to be.

And now, as I stood here. This felt like I was overstepping. John had to do this to set his past right, to make room for who he was now. Even if he was to regress.

I wanted to reach out to him, to my friend and ask him Does that feel better? But I had lost that right, that friendship stolen from me.

A barrage of emotions threatened to come tumbling out of me, the burning in my eyes was a tell tail sign. So, I slowly backed away. Like I’d never been here, like I never witnessed the scene. Fighting the voice in my mind telling me that Love, Friendship, Family, they were never mine to have. I was born to be there for others, but when it came to the crunch, life, and the powers to be always stole those things away from me.

Brushing the back of my sleeve over my eyes I shifted my backpack to open it and take out the tablet. By the time I was back before the bunker door, I had the data feed up acting like I had been waiting here all along.

•— John —•

"Fucking idiot." I muttered to myself; I had a gun tucked into the back of my jeans; throwing one away was stupid, sentimental bullshit. But… there was no denying what I felt when that gun hit the water. I took a moment and dragged my hands through my hair. Then after a too-long moment, I started back up the beach...

Was this it? Had I really decided that I was my new goal in life was to watch over Raven from afar? Was it even something I was capable of? I knew that she was perfectly capable of protecting herself... from everyone except herself. But also, that she would gladly sacrifice herself for others without a thought… and that would be the hardest thing to protect her from.

I couldn't do that; not like this, not with her hating me not while acting like a complete and total wanker. Not without me taking how I felt about Raven and fucking burying it. She deserved so much more than I could give her. She needed it, even if she didn't know it. So...

I stopped. There she was... I shook my head. She was working already. It made me smile and I didn't fight it. I needed it... before I had to walk over there and lie my fucking arse off. Or at least... mostly lie my fucking arse off.

When I reached her the smile was gone. "Raven..." my voice was not as steady as I wanted it to be. “I’m sorry... I know that I have been acting like an arsehole... But...” I shook my head. But hey... so far, I'd manage not to lie.

"When you were sick, it was different... I didn't have the time to think about anything other than trying to keep you alive. I never stopped and let myself think about what would happen... after." Shit, my voice cracked more than I had expected it to. I dropped my gaze to my feet and took a breath. "But when I heard about what you did... I just... I..." I cleared my throat, took a deep breath and I made myself look at her.

"I've never had anything that I was afraid to lose… anyone I was af—“ the words stuck in my throat. “And then you... and #Luna and #Emori came along and utterly fucking destroyed the good thing I had going." I had to include them… because it was true… but nothing like the fear I felt at losing her.

"I never had friends... I had marks... maybe on rare occasions an ally. But when they told me what you'd done. That you'd almost killed yourself after everything...." I gritted my teeth because there it was again. That completely unjustified anger that I had no right to feel.

"Everything I'd done... all the shit we walked through together and you..." I could hardly hold it back… there was a painful knot in my throat and my eyes burned. "... Didn't think to tell me... or ask for my help or give me a fucking chance to say goodbye in case shit went wrong. I'd far too much on her and she was going to see through my cover.

"Luna could... could... And I don't know how the fuck I can survive after losing something like that." I knew that if anything happened to them that I would be broken... but losing Raven? There wouldn't be any pieces left to put me back together.

"I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty or tell you that you did anything wrong. You saved yourself and I don't think that you can understand how happy I am about that. And that just added to all the insane bullshit that goes on inside my head." I took a step closer, but not too close. My light blue eyes locked on her rich hazel ones and my chest felt like it was cracking open.

"I've never had people that I was afraid to lose. You... you scared me half to death Raven... I reacted by being a fucking bastard and I'm sorry. You don't have to accept my apology, in fact, if you do there's probably something seriously wrong with you; after the shit that I've said and done."

I let out a long shaky breath and dragged my hand down my face. Before she could say anything, I spoke again. "We should go in case there's going to be another shower." And I turned back into the trees even though I had no idea where this tower thing was.

•— Raven —•

Hearing his footsteps on the ground and the soft call of my name I let my gaze move up from the screen in my hands, towards where the sound of his voice came from. Narrowing my hazel eyes as I felt the weight of guilt pushing down on my shoulders. I had witnessed a moment that belonged to him and him alone.

“John…” I opened my mouth to tell him what I had done, how I followed him. However, John Murphy had other plans. I stood muted; words were lost to me. My ears heard all he shared and yet some part of my brain couldn’t seem to decipher it’s meaning.

What exactly was he trying to say? Was this a dig at me? or was it that he was playing me once again? Did he think I was so gullible to fall for the ‘I care for you all’, routine? Or… if I allowed the hurt part of myself free, and took him for what he was saying… Was this the reason he had done everything he did with #Jasper and #Emori? Was this an excuse I was willing to let him side by?

I cradled the tablet between both my arms, it was the only thing I had ( no matter how small ) to hold in place between him and myself.

“There is a lot there to unpack.” I started with because it wasn’t a lie. Where was one to even begin? I knew where I was going to start because it was one of the things, I refused to let myself feel or think about since I jumped into the ice bath that killed me.

“I did want to tell you… I wanted you to be there… I needed you and your help…” Every step of the way I had tried not to think about how #Harper and #Luna had been there, but he was nowhere to be seen. “But you weren’t there, I couldn’t find you… I was running out of time… I knew I wasn’t going to come back… Because when as anything gone right for us the first time?” The anger that I had been pushing down since I read the note he had left and run off reared it’s head again, “But you… You Fucking left a Note…” My voice slowed but the anger was pulsing. That note had been given to me after he ran, and he was saying that I was the one who hurt him?

“I’m sorry Raven, I couldn’t risk her life any longer. I couldn’t wait. Stay alive, Stargazer. Don’t give up. DON’T die. I’m sorry. John.”

I knew those words verbatim, and for the first time I was saying them out aloud for him to hear what I read. The tears pricking under my eyelids weren’t going to stop me. I had given up at one point, I had resigned myself to the cold and the death beckoning me towards it. But it was for this friendship, for the sisterhood #Luna had given me that I fought for. But I hadn’t told anyone because I was Raven Reyes… I was never meant to Give Up. However, even the strong need something to hold on to. Someone to keep fighting for. And I fought for them… All of them…

“You made the choice to leave, to not care or find out if I had died. If it wasn’t the ice bath, it would have been the brain melt. But when you made your choice, it was my actions to save myself that made it that I am stood here. Other wise you would have been back in Polis locked out to that bunker, and I would have been here dead.”

Only now was it occurring to me that I may have been holding on to a lot more anger for the loss of this friendship than I first thought. Working my hands not to let go of the tablet, because if I did. I was certain it would go flying towards his head. And I had given my word not to herm him after the last time. I took a step back away from him.

“So, don’t you dare… don’t you fucking dare stand here and say I didn’t think about you… When the truth is John Murphy… You didn’t know how to see this friendship to it’s end!” I could see pain in his baby blue eyes, fuck I could see him breaking, but that didn’t make up for it all. “You didn’t lose me or my friendship. You threw us away. And hells you’re right… I don’t fucking accept your apology… It’s shit!”

And there it was… what had been eating me up from the inside out. I had listened to #Luna, I had seen past all his flaws not caring what had happened before the moment I reached my hand of friendship out towards him, and he was now stood here telling me I was the one who walked away?

Bending down I picked up my backpack and threw it over my shoulder. I turned the opposite way to him. “You are going the wrong fucking way genius.” I called over my shoulder without looking back at him. Wiping my face with the back of my sleeve. He didn’t want me to feel guilty? Hells… He could be an arse on the best of days.

•— John —•

I knew that I had dumped a lot on her... but I had no idea how to fix everything that I had so thoroughly broken. "Fuck!" I gasped to myself...

I knew what she had done before she followed me to the docks. But had it really happened right before that? I had assumed it had been hours earlier... had she chased after me right after she'd recovered?

I went over the conversation with #Harper in my head... there was no way... there was no way that I had missed all of that. I remembered every shaky, scrawled letter of that note. It should have taken seconds to write but my mind and body warred with each character added to it.

It wasn't enough. Was that really all I had said to her after everything we had been through together? That was all I had to say? Fuck!!

"I don't know how to see any god damned friendship to its end Raven! How could I? When I have no clue how the few I have - " I stopped, because I was pretty the short list was reset to one because the only person, I knew that could handle this kind of distrust and betrayal was Emori. Because she could understand that all the shitty things I did, were probably things that she would have done too.

"Had... even started." I said nothing about her not accepting my apology because it was shit. I knew that it was going to take more than a half-arsed rambled apology, to even have her look at me without the hate and disappointment in her eyes.

I didn't correct her or try to defend my action because she was right. Everything she said was true, everything I had said before that; was true too. Anything I had to say back would be an excuse. But those last words out of her mouth burned like a red-hot iron rod stabbing through my thigh (A sensation I was familiar with).

I whirled and took long strides to pass her, stepping into her path. "I may be a lot of things Reyes, a shitty person, a terrible friend... a poor excuse of a human being. But I. Am. Not. Fucking. Stupid." My eyes stayed fixed on hers as I spoke, fighting to ignore the tears because I was furious... She hadn't tried to tear me down like that before. Not Raven, never Raven, just that fucking monster that tried to destroy her from the inside.

"You tried to convince me of that once... remember?" I stepped away, clearing the path in front of her. "Lead the way. Genius." The last said in the exact tone of voice that she had used herself.

•— Raven —•

My mind was whirling, and it wasn’t painting a pretty picture. There was still the inkling of going too far in my anger. Something I never had done. ( Well, the true me hadn’t, the brain melting, hallucinating me had seen that darkness a few times. )

I felt his presence coming up from behind, and then he had over taken me to the point where I had to stop walking. He placed himself between me and the route that I needed to take. I was going to tell him to get out of my way, to just go back to the mansion and to leave me the fuck alone. Hells, there were others on this island he could go to. To torment and torture them.... Others who hadn’t fallen for his tricks and lies. Why was he still here? What did he even want from me now? I had nothing to give him any more.

But all those words, thoughts and feelings stilled, and I stood shocked. Stupid? What the hells was he talking about? my words replaying in my mind, and I worked my jaw. I was rooted to the spot seeing the hurt and the pain in his voice and in his eyes. He had taken my careless words to heart, and in such a way that he should have known I didn’t mean them to be.

“I…. I… I—” I was lost for words. Swallowing the bile rising in my throat I stepped back like he had slapped me hard across my face. The sting of which I didn’t think would ever die away.

When he stepped to the side and called me a Genius, I knew that there was no coming back from this place we now found ourselves. And I resigned myself to this new reality.

Closing my mouth, I stepped forward and around him. There was nothing left for us to talk about, so I said nothing. Maybe this was all futile, maybe it would work and then he would never need to be in the same place as me. It was clear as day to me. This thing we once called friendship was dead.

I had a job to do, and that came first. People were depending on me. So, I kept my eyes forward as I walked the trail all the way around the cove of the beach, only veering off the path once the lighthouse came into sight. On any other day, I would have gone to the lighthouse to explore, to see if there was anything in there that I could take to use, or even drag my broken self, up to the top to see the view of the island and the sea. But that wasn’t to be the case now.

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, with only the sound of our footsteps, and the thrumming of my heart in my chest, and the pain in my hip and leg as company, even with him a few feet behind me. I came to a stop before the tower. My hazel brown hues, started on the bottom, slowly moving to the top, until the satellite amps came into view. It was going to be a long hard climb for me to the top. But first…

I found a large clearing where I dropped my bag, opening it to take out the canteen of water to drink. My mouth was dry as sand, and there was no way I would make it to the top of the tower without resting first.

•— John —•

Fuck!! The look on her face... This wasn't just me putting distance between Raven and I... I was chipping away at pieces of her too. There really was something wrong with me... I remembered all those books I had read in the lighthouse bunker. The men that the women started out  with... the controlling ones that tore the woman they claimed love to down a little more with every word out of their mouths.

That was me. I was no different and if I didn't stop this... I was going to destroy her. Raven Reyes was a force to be reckoned with... did I really want to be the one that finished off her wavering faith in the endangered human race?

This wasn't love. There was something seriously broken in me.

I watched her limp deepen and her efforts to hide tire her out even more. That helpless feeling sank in again... that same one I felt when I was watching her die slowly. She'd cured herself, only to endure the same pain that forced her to take the damned chip in the first place.

Neither of us spoke as we walked and when we reached the tower I looked up. This thing just kept on going! With the way Raven was running her eyes up and down the monolith, I knew that there was no way she could do her work from ground level.

"Let me guess... You need to get up top to do whatever the hell it is you need to do, right?" I slumped down on the grass and leaned back against one of the thick metal struts that made up the base of the tower. "If we're going the make it up there... we need to rest up before we start the climb."

It wasn't exactly the best first thing to say after everything... but if I wasn't going to make that climb without  resting then knew I Raven couldn't either. My breakthrough on the beach would be completely forgotten if I watched Raven fall to her death… I would surely follow if she did. The survivor in me was now intrinsically linked to the survivor in her. Would I even need to let go to follow her? Or would my heart just stop beating the moment hers did?

•— Raven —•

My jaw worked; I didn’t look up from the canteen in my hand. However, my fingers tightened around it. I didn’t want to talk to him, I didn’t want to fight, I just wanted to do my job and be done with all this.

If we made it back to the lab or the mansion, when other people were around. Then maybe, just maybe he would leave me the fuck alone and not feel this sense or need to follow me around still.

“1. I know, I’m the Genius remember.” The emphasis on the word a little harder than I had meant. It was telling just how much it hurt to be here with him.

“2. There is no We… this is a job for one person and that person is me. Which is why I didn’t ask for any company.” Was it harsh? Yes. But was it true... also Yes.

Even when I wanted to not give a shit, I kicked my foot into the dirt, and then closing the canteen I threw it by his feet. If I needed the water, I was certainly sure he would too. Not that he would ask me for it.

I opened my bag and took out the tablet, and the systems analytical adapter which would need to be connected to the port at the top of the tower. I was hoping it would be a simple push it in and boom, the data would flow. However, I also knew that nothing came simply to us all.

I ignored the man sat only a few feet from me now. Making my eyes look anywhere but by him. I moved my stare up towards the tower, my hand covering my eyes from the shine of the sun. There were no dark clouds in the sky, the black rain from before a distant memory fooling us into a false sense of safety. But that wasn’t now my concern six hundred plus foot long climb ahead of me.

I gaged the route I would need to take, the steps and the levers on the side that I was glad I could attach myself to. Reaching down I turned my backpack  upside down, dropping everything from within it to the ground in front of me. And only once it was empty, I started to collect the things I needed for my journey up.

I knew that pulling myself up was going to be hard, but more so the additional weight I carried the more chances I had of faltering. When I was sure I had everything, I needed, I threw the radio towards the ground where John sat.

“If anything goes wrong, Monty will know what to do, and if it goes right Monty will know what to do.”

Never once did I dear to look at him, because right now all I needed and wanted to think about was the job in hand, about how me making it to the top would give my dysfunctional family a chance to survive. With or without me.

•— John —•

I scoffed and shook my head; I leaned forward and snatched up the canteen.

“How high do you think that tower is Rey?” I cringed at the slip… that was a name her friends used… and I certainly wasn’t one of those anymore. “A hundred and fifty meters? Two hundred?” I unscrewed the cap as I spoke and then took a swig. “We are on an island in the middle of the sea… How far up do you think you’ll need to get before the wind is trying to pull you off this thing? Thirty feet? How high before your fingers start to freeze from the cold, never mind the pain of  the climb alone?” I set the canteen down as close to her as I could reach without moving from my seated position.

“You want me to wait down here for what? We both know there is no chance I could catch you if you fall… so what? I’m just meant to sit here and retrieve your dead body and bring it back to the others? I don’t think so.”

I laughed darkly as my stomach twisted; the mouthful of water sloshing like venom at the thought. “If we go together, we can work together… getting up there and hopefully back down alive… Then you can go right back to hating me.” I would go alone if I could but, I knew I couldn’t fix whatever needed fixing.

I shifted and pulled the handgun from my waistband at the small of my back. “If you want to stop me…” I set the gun next to the canteen. “There’s only one way.”

I watched her rifle  through her bag. Her words cut me like blades… she was mentally preparing to not make it back to the ground. I pulled my knees up and sat forward, clasping my hands over my knees.

“Just let me help Raven… There are people back at the lab that I care about too. They deserve a chance and both of us climbing together increases that chance.”

•— Raven —•

Hearing my nickname from his lips made me stop for a split second, before I continued to work, I was losing the light of day and the last thing I wanted was to be up there with no way down. If it all went to plan, we could modify the images and the data we were gathering. Giving them all a better chance of surviving this death wave that was days away.

“More like over six hundred feet...” Kicking myself the moment the words were out. Why did the nerd in me need to share the correct data with him? It wasn’t like I wasn’t handing him everything he needed to question me and my actions.

“Listen Joh—” My words cut short when I turned to see him pulling out the weapon. My eyes widened and my jaw dropped open a little. I took two steps back as my heart twisted with my stomach. He was about to shoot me?

No… He was daring me to shoot him? I narrowed my eyes, then pulled my gaze from the gun when I knew I could feel save from the knowledge that at least today John Murphy wasn’t planning on killing me here.

“Why are you a pain in my arse?” Gritting the words out of my teeth I had to take another look up at the tower. Knowing that some part of him had been correct didn’t make this any easier.

I threw the bag over my shoulders, making sure it was secure. Then taking the steps to stand beside the thin metal runs, which made the ladder going up the side of the satellite tower. And I knew there was no other way.

So, I turned my face back, holding my free hand in his direction. “This doesn’t mean we are friends Murphy. This only means that I can’t do this to save my dysfunctional family without some help. If we make it out of here alive. We can go our separate ways.”

There was no turning back from here. This was the final straw.

〄 ᴇɴᴅ ᴏꜰ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 〄

[oktorpg]

Hapotei ( Happy Birthday ) – Rey Solo

╰ ᴸᵒᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ: 𝘽𝙚𝙘𝙘𝙖'𝙨 𝙄𝙨𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙙

╰ ˢᵗᵒʳʸ ᴵⁿᶜˡᵘᵈⁱⁿᵍ: 『 #Luna 』

╰ ᵀⁱᵐᵉ ᶠʳᵃᵐᵉ: ᴰᵘʳⁱⁿᵍ ᴾʰᵃˢᵉ ⁵

Ah, Moon—and Star!

You are very far—

But were no one

Farther than you—

Do you think I’d stop

For a Firmament—

Or a Cubit—or so … ~ Emily Dickinson

I lay on the ground beside the pool in the back of #Becca’s Mansion, looking up towards the night sky and the stars which shined bright down upon me here. They were unblocked to plain sight tonight, even with the hum of warmth that flowed over the air.

“I once was so close to you, I walked with you, and you made me smile. You gave me a joy I never knew possible and somehow you made me feel closer to my dad than anything else. The day I chose to leave you, I didn’t give you a second glance. I didn’t say good bye, because some part of me hoped that some day I would see you from that close again. But that’s not how this world works.

If I knew then, what I know now. If I understood the pain, the heartbreak and the loss that was to come. I would have taken the time to see you… Really see you and thank you for the memories. For the feelings you gave me, and the ecstasy that I will never find in anything again. We are all foolish I know that now, however I can’t give up the fight until the last breath in my body is spent. I have to do the only thing I know… Which is to help save those who I love.

Even…. Those who do not deserve to be saved… I can’t… I won’t turn my back on another person again… I will not relive that mistake again. No one person deserves to be left behind….”

Closing my eyes, I pictured my life before my father died. How #Samuel would take #Elena in his arms, even after a hard day and kiss her. Dancing, laughing and just being happy with one another. Those were the memories I wanted to think of tonight. The happy ones, the ones that made me smile and hum the tune of the song that I could hear a clear as day right now.

( Music: What A Wonderful World · Louis Armstrong )

‘Hofli Ai glong op Yu?’ ( May I join you? ) I didn’t need to open my eyes to know that #Luna was stood over me. I wiped my eyes before opening them.

‘Whatcha-up-to, shanen o daun ait nau?’ ( How are you, happy or sad right now? ) She asked when I patted the ground beside me.

‘Strik kom bilaik ogeda.’ ( Little of both altogether. ) I told her before I saw what she held in her hands. “What’s this for?” I asked sitting up.

She smiled shrugging her shoulder. ‘Hapotei, Ai Stisis.’ ( Happy Birthday little Sister. )

“How did you find out?” She handed me a small stack of crackers, each set together with a generous amount of the chocolate spread between them holding them together.

‘Jackson told me. It’s on his file with your other information.’ #Luna opened the bottle of wine as she spoke. ‘Can’t let it pass without something sweet, and wine.’ Pouring two glasses. ‘Make a wish on your stars, they are listening to you right now.’

But what wish was left to make? I’d already told the sky and the stars what I wanted. ‘I’m good with what life has given me.’ Nudging her with my shoulder, I took a bite from the stack of crackers, then handed it over to her to do the same.

‘Hapotei, Ai Rei.’ ( Happy Birthday Rey. )

She whispered as we both took a drink and turned our attention to the sky above us again.

[oktorpg]

Lost in my own thoughts – Rey Solo

╰ #ᵀʰᵉ¹⁰⁰ᴿᴾ #ᵀʰᵉ¹⁰⁰ #ᴼᴷᵀᴼʳᵍᵖ

Have you ever been in a place, sat yourself down, looking up only to realise that you don’t belong?

Thinking you know how your life will play out, because you have made all the correct plans, done all the hard work, been the best in every field you set your mind too… and still, you don’t belong?

No? Then you are lucky…

Now imagine being one of a Hundred teenagers who had no plans, who didn’t follow the rules, who didn’t know how to survive, and were still sent down to a planet that our ancestors once call home. But to them, it was just a planet whose orbit the Ark ( our home ) sat in.

We watched old movies, read old books, we learnt how to survive on this planet, if by any chance we were to return. However then without warning, without any goodbyes, without seeing those they loved one last time. They were dumped from the only place they knew how to live in.

The council on the Ark made decisions, they say it was for the betterment for all. But imagine being one of those kids, or someone who was left behind.

That was me. I was left behind. The only boy I loved was thrown to Earth, and I didn’t even know it happened until after it was too late.

And yes, you can romanticise it, say how I fault for him, I came to Earth for him, I helped Abby to find Clarke for him. But then… Then was when I found out that the two people I came to Earth for… They had fallen in love with each other.

It’s safe to assume I didn’t take it well, that I was so used to being hurt by those I loved, that I stopped loving. I stopped caring, I stopped wanting… however that too would be a lie.

The fact is I just changed how I cared, how I love and who I love. I never want to be hurt again, so why love someone so much that when they betray you, your heart is crushed? Why not just love life as it is? Why? Because let’s face facts…. No matter who you love and care for. They will always break your heart, they will alway make you second guess yourself. And they will always walk away with a piece of you that will never be whole again.

Friendships, loves, family…. Is it something we need to survive? Or are all these things just a way to pass time? Are these things in our life to

Complicate a simple situation?

If you find the answers, if you know the meaning of it all. When you feel like you have a better grasp of it than I do…. please…. Take a moment to think of me. Think of the questions I am asking, and help this Stargazer better understand where she went wrong.

Because now I sit here, looking up at the stars in the night sky, and I can’t seem to find a way out. I can’t seem to understand how my trust was broken and how or if… it will ever be repaired again.

Some things once broken are never whole again right? So, maybe it’s better to walk away from a friendship that had been doomed from the first day.

But for now… a bottle of two hundred year old wine, the dark sky above, and Ocean below are the only solid things for me to hold on to.

[oktorpg]

Wish upon a star! – Rey Solo

╰ ᴸᵒᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ: ᴛʜᴇ ᴀʀᴋ

╰ ˢᵗᵒʳʸ ᴵⁿᶜˡᵘᵈⁱⁿᵍ: 『 #ꜱᴀᴍᴜᴇʟ & #ᴇʟᴇɴᴀ 』

╰ ᵀⁱᵐᵉ ᶠʳᵃᵐᵉ: ᴮᵉᶠᵒʳᵉ ᵀʰᵉ ᴳʳᵒᵘⁿᵈ

‘Sam, stop. You shouldn’t wake her. It’s late and she is –.’ The soft whispering of my mom’s voice trailed off, being replaced with the sounds of soppy cheek kisses my dad would give us when he wanted his way.

‘Trust me Elena, she will want to see this. And I got authorisation to take you both up there with me. now, go put your shoes on.’

Even with sleep holding on to me, I could feel my bed move when he came to site beside me. The gentle touch of his fingers brushed my hair back off my forehead. ‘I can tell you aren’t asleep little one, do you think you can sit up for me?’

It was such a gentle request, that my tired eyes reacted for him without my needing to consider it. ‘There are those beautiful hazel eyes I search for in the morning.’ Leaning down he brushed his lips to my temple. ‘I have something I want to show you and mom. Do you think you can get up?’

“Yes daddy.” My sleepy voice mumbled as he helped me to sit up. Rubbing my eyes, I looked up at my dad. His hazel eyes were right there. it was as though I was looking into my own when our eyes met.

‘That’s my girl, come on we don’t have much time.’ Gathering me up in his arms he padded over to the door of our quarters, waiting for mom to join us before leaving.

〄 〄 〄 〄

We sat on the ground of the observation deck on a blanket half under us and half covering our legs. There was a chill in the area that normally wouldn’t be there. ‘Right, it’s about to happen.’ Dad called out from behind us.

Tonight, he was working, I wanted to stand with him to watch. But mom told me that we were here as a favour, and that I wasn’t to get in the way. ‘Your dad works extremely hard here Raven, we can’t do anything that could mean he is in trouble, okay baby?’ She asked kissing the top of my head.

“Okay mom.” I said, all sign of sleep was gone the moment we had stepped into the area. My eyes were wild with excitement, and the want to ask questions and learn as much as I could. There were tools, and computers. And I wanted to know how to use it all.

My dad was working away for a while before mom called out. ‘Sam, how much longer my love?’

‘Now… Look forwards and up.’ He rushed over to where we were and fell down next to me. ‘There…’ he pointed out the larger glass window. ‘Just keep watching.’ He whispered to mom and me.

For a short time, nothing happened, I turned my head to glance over to him. And then out of the side of my vision I saw it starting to come to life. My face turned and my eyes were glued.

“Ohhh… Aww…”

Sounds of awe and appreciation came from both mom and me as we let the sight before us unfold.

‘Every year, we have to clean out the Ark. Over time there is a build-up of particles, gases, minerals that can clog up the vents and the filters. However, every ten years or so the stars and the space we are in is covered with natural matter, causing the illusion of an aurora in space. The colour of space around the Ark turns into this amazing emerald green and blue. Like the oceans once were on Earth, and all those images we have grown up seeing, come to life before our eyes.’ My fingers were reaching out, as if I could touch it if I just wished hard enough.

‘It looks like the stars are falling all around us. Like we are sitting in the middle of the birth of a new world, like we could leave the Ark, and Earth is welcoming us back with open arms.’ Dad’s voice was low as the three of us sat there lost in the sight before us.

‘And it’s the perfect night for the two beautiful girls in my life to wish upon the stars.’ He kissed the top of my head, and then kissed mom on her lips. ‘Close your eyes little one and think of your wish.’ Dad whispered and I did.

But I couldn’t tell him or anyone what it was I had asked the stars for. Dad said that it was a deal between them and me.

[oktorpg]

The Sound of Laughter of an Innocent Soul – Rey Solo

╰ ᴸᵒᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ: 𝘽𝙚𝙘𝙘𝙖'𝙨 𝙄𝙨𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙙 ( 𝙇𝙖𝙗 )

╰ ˢᵗᵒʳʸ ᴵⁿᶜˡᵘᵈⁱⁿᵍ: 『 #Luna #Adria 』

╰ ᵀⁱᵐᵉ ᶠʳᵃᵐᵉ: ᴰᵘʳⁱⁿᵍ ᴾʰᵃˢᵉ ⁵

〄 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙈𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙤𝙬 〄

‘Reivon!’ ( Raven! ) The voice sounded like a song on the whispering air all around me. I laughed, turning a full circle looking for the face of this voice. My eyes drifted up towards the bright blue sky, which brought the hum of the warm breeze with it. The clouds looked like balls of cotton, with the hint of calm with them.

‘Yu na't fig au Ai’ ( You can’t find me. ) Another giggle came from the side from within the tall grass, pulling my attention back down to the wild flowers and the scent of sweetness all around me.

“Ai na fig au Yu, jos hod op en ai op!” ( I will find you, just wait and see! ) I laughed, running towards the voice as the giggles turned into laughter.

‘Nou, nou Yu na't. Ai laik haden!’ ( No, No you can't. I am hiding! ), She laughed and squealed. However, this time I saw the fabric of her dress flowing over the body of the flowers and grass.

“Ai Ai op Yu, hei hod op gon Ai!” ( I see you, hey wait for me! ) I ran as fast as I could after her. Taking the jumps and leaps I needed to bypass the fallen logs, as I rushed up from behind her. “Nau yu laik Ain!!” ( Now you’re mine!) My laughter came out as my arms came around under hers and lifted her off the ground as we both spun. “Ogeda Ain” ( All Mine! ).

She screamed with laughter and it was the sweetest sound I could have ever heard. She didn’t fight me, and I swung her around and around, the both of us giggling as we gazed up to the sky, allowing ourselves to become lost in the moment, and the warmth of the happiness that was engulfing us both.

‘Hir Yu haden? ai don ste lufa au Yu Tu’ ( Here you hide? I was looking for you two ) #Luna’s voice broke through the laughter; however, we didn’t stop until the two of us fell into the tall grass, becoming lost from sight. She ran to join us, falling to the soft lush space beside us. ‘En dison laik ha Ai'd fig au Yu?’ ( And this is how I' find you? ) #Luna tried to scold us, however the soft curve of her lips told us we weren’t in trouble.

‘Sha, em 's krei sof en nulif hir.’ ( Yes, It's so soft and green here.) She giggled sitting up, reaching over to kiss my cheek and then #Luna’s. And then she jumped up and ran off to chase after flowers in the wind.

‘You are spoiling her.’ #Luna whispered as I sat up on my elbows to watch her playing.

“No, it’s not possible. How can I spoil such an innocent soul?” I laughed as #Adria leant down to smell the wild flowers and pick them. Her hair blowing into her face as she stood up once again.

‘She always wanted to know how it felt to dance and play in the meadows, but we had no green on the rig.’ #Luna’s voice was low as she too watched after the girl.

“Well, she is here now….” I laughed calling out. “Be careful Adria!” But she was too far to hear me. “Adria…. Adria…” As I called out her name, there was a sense of dread filling me from within. Where once the sunshine of happiness filled us, now a shadow of fear was consuming.

“Adria… Come back… Be careful there…” I couldn’t move from where I sat, I tried to pull myself up. But the more I tried the harder I felt something pushing me back down into the ground. “Adria!”

The sky above us turned to a shade of grey and then black. As I pulled my eyes from the girl whose laughter now turned into cries and screams. Droplets of rain started to fall all around me.

“Luna!” I turned to look, and she was gone.

A full circle around me was dry. But now #Luna was with #Adria, both fell to the ground as the black rain started to fall all over them. They screamed and cried. #Luna tried so hard to cover the girl as the acid rain ate it’s way through the clothes on their backs.

‘Reivon, kep klin Ai beja!’ ( Raven, save me please! ) #Adria cried out to me.

𝘕𝘰…. 𝘕𝘰… 𝘕𝘰…. I wanted to cry out and scream but words were nowhere to be heard. I crawled on my knees to the edge of the circle, but the invisible wall stopped me from reaching them.

“Not again, no…. Please… No!!! I can’t… Please… RUN!” I screamed…

〄 〄 〄 〄

I woke with a jerk and screamed out. “NO Adria… Luna… NO!!!” My arms were outstretched before me. my mind couldn’t recognise where I was and how I had gotten here. The meadow was gone, and I was…

“It… it… it was a dream?” My heart was racing in my chest as the sound of #Adria’s laughter filled my ears even now. “I didn’t save her!” Falling back into the chair of my workstation I must have fallen a sleep in. My body heaved as a sob broke from my throat.

“I didn’t save her…” The sound of laughter of an innocent soul had come back to haunt me.

[oktorpg]

More Innocent Times – Rey Solo

╰ ᴸᵒᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ: ᴛʜᴇ ᴀʀᴋ

╰ ˢᵗᵒʳʸ ᴵⁿᶜˡᵘᵈⁱⁿᵍ: 『 #Finn 』

╰ ᵀⁱᵐᵉ ᶠʳᵃᵐᵉ: ꜰʟᴀꜱʜʙᴀᴄᴋ

“𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙚𝙮𝙚𝙨 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙪𝙖𝙜𝙚 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚.” - 𝒢𝑒𝑜𝓇𝑔𝑒 𝐻𝑒𝓇𝒷𝑒𝓇𝓉

When you have one dream that has been reoccurring for as long as you can think back. How are you to feel when it becomes more than just another dream?

I hadn’t thought my life would turn out the way it had, and I knew that everyone saw me and in their mind the words ‘Poor kid’ flashed like an alarm bell. They all knew how my father died, they knew how my mother killed herself, there were no secrets on the Ark.

And yet there was a hidden part of me that wondered if this outcome was the best. I knew that the Collins had only taken me in because of my friendship with #Finn, and that it was going to place a strain on their already small rations.

But the week after I had come to live with them. #Finn’s dad had rushed back to tell us all, that the council had come to an agreement that I would still be given my rations from the Reyes family allowance.

Even with the extra mouth to fill, the Collins had never complained to me about how my being with them impacted their family. They never once made me feel like I was unwanted, however I could tell by the look in their eyes that day. When the two grown up shared a gaze in a moment I realised the news had been a gift for them. And that was the day the dream started to reform in my mind.

I wanted to become someone, I had a plan from as far back as I could remember sure, however that day a new fire was alight within me. I wasn’t ever going to become a burden on another person, I was always going to stand on my own feet. And I was going to be the one to provide for myself. The kindness of others had been a blessing for me. However, it didn’t mean that I needed to take advantage of such a thing, it didn’t mean that I would allow myself to be cared for without bringing something to the table myself. What that would be was something I was going to work hard to gain.

‘Knowledge will only get you so far Rey.’ #Finn had told me repeatedly, and some part of me knew he was right. ‘It’s real-life experience that will be your saving grace Little Bird.’ How I wanted to disagree with him. But when he stood in the doorway, watching me read and study. He never stopped me. ( Even if he did wish I would join him and the others for the small secret gatherings in Farm Station. )

“First come the book smarts Finn, and then… I will have the rest of my life to gain the real-life stuff.” I smiled as I glanced up from those books laying on the table around me.

His eyes said so much more to me than the words he did not say. I knew he had the same dream for me, that he understood I wouldn’t be happy if I couldn’t stand on my own two feet. But more so he knew that he was the reason this was all possible for me. I owed him so much for the life he saved, for the dreams he supported and made possible. And for the way his family took this orphan in from the cold.

[oktorpg]

How much more can we endure? – Rey Solo

#ᴛᴡɪɢɢᴇʀᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ

╰ ᴸᵒᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ: 𝘽𝙚𝙘𝙘𝙖'𝙨 𝙄𝙨𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙙 ( 𝙇𝙖𝙗 )

╰ ˢᵗᵒʳʸ ᴵⁿᶜˡᵘᵈⁱⁿᵍ: 『 #ᴸᵘⁿᵃ #ᴴᵃʳᵖᵉʳ 』

╰ ᵀⁱᵐᵉ ᶠʳᵃᵐᵉ: ᴰᵘʳⁱⁿᵍ ᴾʰᵃˢᵉ ⁵

The walls were coming in all around me. I willed my feet not to give out on me. “Just a little more.” The words a shadow of a whisper on my lips.

‘Rey are you okay?’ What kind of a question was that to ask? ‘Rey?’ She asked again and I moved my hand in a small wave.

“Fine… Just need a minute.” I managed to say, only now taking note on the tremble in #Harper’s voice too. “Go sit down, take a moment for yourself.” It’s all I could manage before walking past her, heading down the darkness of the unused corridor.

I hadn’t taken my eyes off the mark on the wall I had been aiming towards, I didn’t trust my legs, my body and my mind, not to give out on me if I dared to look at her or anyone else in the lab. I didn’t breathe in, knowing the bubbling turmoil that was rising up within me.

My hand hit the ice-cold metal door flat and hard, with the shift of my shoulder pushing into it as the strength within was fast disappearing. The lights flickered on, blinding my eyes to the point that black dots danced before me, stopping my feet for but a few seconds before the twist in my stomach jolted me forward.

I fell into the toilet stall, dropping on my knees in an awkward motion, with my braced leg outstretched behind me in an uncomfortable angle. Lose strands of hair stuck to my forehead from the cold sweat which had gone unnoticed until now, as my stomach churned, twisted, bile rising up my throat and with one deep heave my stomach emptied itself out into the bowl. The burning in my throat brought tears to my eyes, the pain from the way my stomach tried to expel what little it had inside of it. As I closed my eyes tightly the smell of Marcus’s burnt flesh mixed with the scent of my vomit hit hard. The sight of his skin bubbling and the evidence of his red blood now turned black flashed before my weeping eyes.

I heaved again and again, dry sobs taking a hold over me as my chest closed tight around my hurting heart. There was nothing I could do. Nothing I could do to help or stop it from happening.

Who was I to think that we could make it out of this alive?

Who was I to judge the steps others had taken?

Who was I to expect everyone to believe in my vision of success, when I was here bent over the toilet heaving my guts out?

‘Shh…. Ai gada yo en… ( I’ve got you )’ The warm hands combed my hair out of my cold and wet face as my stomach coiled up again before opening up with another heave. #Luna lent beside me, whispering in my ear as she helped to hold me up. No more words said until she and I were both sure that nothing more was left to come out, and then she helped me to fall into the wall of the stall and close my eyes.

My voice was horse as I spoke. “How did you find me?” hoping to Hells that they couldn’t hear me on the main lab floor.

‘I went to get her; you really didn’t look right Rey.’ I opened one eye into a small slit, seeing #Harper shifting on her feet. The smell of vomit filling the room, and I wasn’t sure why the two of them weren’t running.

“I am—” I was cut off.

‘Nou, Yu nou laik, beja nou trompa.’ ( No, you are not, please don’t lie). #Luna’s warm hands shifted as she took something from #Harper and placed it over my forehead. The coolness of the fabric a welcome sensation as my insides burned.

“It’s nothing, I just need a moment.” I focused myself to sound more in control. “We need to get out there and work out the next plan of action.” But I didn’t make to move. My body was shaking, I had nothing in me to make myself get up and get on my feet again.

‘Tell me… Answer me this… How much more can we endure? When do we stop and say enough?’ #Harper’s eyes were red, the tears starting to roll down her cheeks, When I glanced up at her, I once again saw the broken girl who had arrived on this island lost. It was hard to keep myself from falling back down on my knees, to still the heaving in my stomach, to stop the taste of vomit in my mouth from taking over again.

“When we no longer have blood on our hands, or until the last breath leaves our lungs.” My voice echoed off the cold tiled walls as the chill of the room seeped into my bones, hoping that I had mustered up enough energy to placate her worries.

But did I still believe? Did I still believe we were worth saving?

[oktorpg]

The Hollow Ache in my Chest – John Solo

ᴸᵒᶜᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ: Becca's Island, Underground Lab

ᵀⁱᵐᵉˡⁱⁿᵉ: Before Phase 5

As soon as the elevator dropped into the lab with the five of us, Raven walked out with a singular purpose. #Luna glanced at me and I jerked my chin towards her. My eyes pleading with the Nightblood to stay with her, she needed someone with her… I needed… to get away from prying eyes because something inside me was shattering. I needed to be alone before something on the outside cracked open. Jasper was watching Emori closely… I could slip away for a few short minutes. I made my way briskly to the offices furthest from the main lab. The lights flicker to life in the unused corridor, and I slipped into the last room, I didn’t even glance around before I stepped into the small bathroom and bolted the door. The panic took hold instantly and I slammed my back against the door; clutching at my chest and gasping for air as I slid to the ground. My hands buried into my hair. I’d fucked everything up… I’d brought Emori right back into the heart of what I was trying to save her from. I’d left Raven half dead when I’d promised to protect her… She’d almost killed herself and I didn’t even know! And then this!! The hollow ache in my chest thrummed like it recognized my thoughts. I growled. What the fuck was wrong with me!? How did I let this happen? My lungs started screaming for air and I realized I had been holding my breath. Each breath came with a low guttural sound. How had I let this grow unchecked, to 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 point? That pull in my chest when she was gone… when I didn’t know where she was… it was clear now. Clear that I was a damned fool! I jumped up to my feet with a growl and clamped my hands on the sink. The sharp movement and shallow rasping breaths left me a little woozy. I ran the cold water and cupped my hands under the stream splashing it on my face. My gaze turned up to the bruised face reflecting back at me in the mirror, light blue eyes, rimmed with red from the burning and pressure behind them. ‘𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯?’ The cruel spectre in the glass scolded me. ‘𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘳? 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶… 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘋𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶?’ I tore my eyes away, turning my back on the mirror. ‘𝓜𝓾𝓻𝓭𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓼𝓸𝓬𝓲𝓸𝓹𝓪𝓽𝓱!’ Raven’s voice echoed in my memory. She was dying… because of me… we moved past that. ‘𝘔𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘵?’The demon in my mind chuckled darkly. ‘𝘛𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘮𝘱 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩. 𝘕𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵. 𝘚𝘩𝘦’𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘥𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨… 𝘈𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯.’ “Shut up!” I growled out loud and spun back to the mirror. ‘𝓒𝓸𝓬𝓴𝓻𝓸𝓪𝓬𝓱.’Raven’s voice echoed again. But it wasn’t her. “Shut up!!!” I screamed now and the shattering glass was the only thing that alerted me to the fact that I had just driven my fist through the mirror. When I pulled my fist back the cracked pieces fell into the sink and to the floor around my feet. Blood dripped on the white porcelain and the broken silvery shards. A solitary spider-webbed shard of the reflective glass clung to the ruins of the white frame. ‘𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘕𝘌𝘝𝘌𝘙 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬.’ The fractured reflection echoed in my own voice again. Another roar, another swing and the last few fragments of the traitorous glass shattered just like the crumbling edges of the hollow in my chest. I didn’t know how long I stared at that empty space on the wall. “Get it together, John.” I told myself over and over again. The bastard in the back of my mind… he was right. She was so much better than me… But he was right about one thing; she would never feel the same way. I would make damn sure of it. She was destined for something so much better than me. I cleaned the damp blood from my hands; the bleeding had already stopped, leaving only deeply grazed knuckles that I could saw happened in the fight. I splashed more water on

my face. I cracked my neck side-to-side and set my face in its usual cocky expression and headed back to the lab to find Emori. Shoving everything into the deepest parts of my mind and hoping it would stay locked there.