#poor austin lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pedgito · 11 months ago

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𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄, 𝐃𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘, 𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐇 | BFD!Joel x Fem!Reader

summary | the rich father of your bestfriend, sarah — joel miller, was a mystery to you until one day he isn't and you quickly find that your interest in him isn't one-sided. [12k]

pairing | joel miller x fem!reader

content warning | 18+ content, as always: no use of y/n, au/no outbreak, bfd!joel, ceo!joel, mentions of reader growing up poor/absent parents (joel is ridiculously loaded, it's fic y'all let me live lol), sneaking around, age gap (not explicitly specified, but reader is in final year of college and joel is probs late 40s/50s), vacations, gift-giving, unprotected piv, come swallowing, daddy issues if you squint, one (1) pussy slap, oral (f receiving), semi-public fucking

author’s note | anyways, here’s this. big age gap, some power dynamic stuff but not really. if you don’t like, don’t read & all that jazz. love you babies. xo.

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There was no hiding who Joel Miller was to the town of Austin—a pioneer in the community for rebuilding and building upon the surrounding shopping areas and neighborhoods to save the town from complete gentrification. He owned three companies at this point—one manned by his brother Tommy who dealt with larger businesses, handled the biggest amount of workload when it came to dealing with customers. The other was handled by his wife Maria, more often communicating with smaller businesses in the area. Mom and Pop shops, family owned and locally sourced shops. And Joel dealt with the community directly, building houses at an affordable rate that kept his business booming and well above the surrounding competition.

He was so sought after that the idea of him felt like an enigma.

But, to you—he was just Sarah’s dad. For years you never had the pleasure of meeting him, with his constantly busy schedule he was often away when you came to visit Sarah on their massive—almost too comically large piece of land on the outskirts of Austin, Texas.

A large two-story farmhouse that seemed like something right out of a storybook—pristine and in perfect condition, surrounded by what felt like miles of grassy land and fencing. Horses, chickens, goats, growing piglets that were taken care of by Sarah and Joel themselves.

You’ve known Sarah since you were fourteen, aware of her upbringing and the type of family she came from, but it never deterred her from being the kindest friend you’ve had. And your shared, similar interest led to an easy friendship that lasted well into college. Sarah was also aware of your…less than ideal family situation, living under the roof of a single parent household, given you were an only child it wasn’t horrible—but your father was a drunk and didn’t manage his money well and that often meant going without. It didn’t matter what, but there was always something lacking that you wish you didn’t have to make up for with your already overwhelming amount of college work and lingering debt.

You didn’t have anywhere to go, unfortunately.

But, Sarah was always there.

And it isn’t until your final year of college that you find yourself finally meeting the once mysterious Joel Miller, remembering that Sarah told you something about how he was trying to take a step back, allowing more responsibility on his trusting employees to head the company while he took a step back and managed everything as a whole from a distance—less involved, more time at home around Sarah, it was a win win situation.

With both of you working toward similar degrees, it was helpful and convenient to share notes and study as often as you could, especially as your final term papers were nearing and looming like a dark cloud.

It’s an unsuspecting Thursday night when you and Sarah are pausing the heavy studying to cook a quick dinner when Joel walks into the kitchen, approaching the island and nearly tilting your entire existence on this earth on an axis. Your breath catches briefly, eyes dragging over his figure. You’ve seen pictures—family vacations that Sarah has shown you when they were flying across the country over summer breaks and you were stuck at home.

But, nothing compared to the real thing.

His hair is grown out, curling around his ears. A warm, soft brown that is styled and shaped so perfectly it seems unreal—but the loose curl that falls over his forehead gives it away. There’s a deep cut in his silk-pressed shirt that hangs loosely on his frame, some abstract pattern that shouldn’t work as well as it does on him, but his tan skin compliments the deep tones and varying designs. The faint dusting of chest hair is obscured by the chains that hang in the space the silk-button up creates where he lacks the ability to fasten them, or rather chooses not to.

And you try not to let your gaze linger on the cut of his jeans as they cling snug to his legs, cuffed at the ankles and showcasing a pair of—what you can only suspect are new loafers. A dark chocolate brown accented with a gold metal piece along the center to complement his jewelry around his neck and the few rings placed meticulously on his fingers.

It’s no secret his ring finger sits untouched, lacking the heavy weight of a significant other's mark. Sarah mentioned her mom dying young, much like your own—maybe that’s why you two bonded so easily.

“Got enough for your old man?” Joel questions curiously, tapping away at his phone meticulously before pocketing it, eyebrows raised in question.

“You hate boxed mac and cheese,” Sarah argues flippantly, flicking the empty box at her father across the counter, “so no, I don’t.”

“No, babygirl—I just hate the powder kind.” He flicks it back just as easily and you note how easy their relationship feels, like this is how things should be.

Sarah laughs, scrunching her nose up in amusement. “Charming, isn’t he?”

Oh—she’s talking to you? You look at her for half a second, confused, before you’re quickly nodding in agreement without fully listening to what she had asked.

“It’s alright, you don’t have to lie.” She assures, stirring the noodles in the pot over the stove.

Your gaze lingers selfishly, catching the faint twitch of a smile on Joel’s face as he catches you looking. It’s nothing more than a friendly smile, comforting rather than disarming.

“You know—Sarah never brings her friends around.” Joel starts begrudgingly, eyeing Sarah down before switching to you, “Seein’ as I’ve been hearing all about you for years now and I’m just now meetin’ you in the flesh.”

“Dad, stop scaring her.” Sarah gripes, searching around haphazardly for a couple of bowls, “seriously—just ignore him. He doesn’t know how to act now that he’s home more.”

Joel rolls his eyes dismissively, extending his hand in a kind gesture. You grab it hesitantly and he senses it, pointer finger dragging along the underside of your palm as he holds it delicately and bows his head.

“She’s just mad she can’t get rid of me now,” Joel tells you softly, nodding toward Sarah over your shoulder, “how’s the studying goin’?”

He doesn’t let go of your hand immediately and you don’t try to escape either, allowing the brief moment of lingering contact before you slip it away, shoving your hands into your back pockets.

“Fine.” Sarah’s response is clipped.

It’s stressful, if you’re being honest. But, you could see that Sarah didn’t want to relay that to her father, side-eyeing you wearily.

It’s the first of many interactions that led to the tiny crush you began to have for Joel Miller. Your once a week studies eventually turn into two or three times a week, desperate to spend as much time away from your own home situation as possible.

Eventually, it’s nearly an everyday thing. You and Sarah would finish your day of classes and drive the short distance to her house and spend most of the night studying. Gradually, you were introduced into their own routine. At first, Joel would offer to buy dinner and leave things be, allowing you the space you needed. But, it eventually delves into weekly dinners and sitting down as if you were a part of this pseudo-family situation you’ve interjected yourself into.

Sarah knew you didn’t like it at home, so it was never a problem. Joel caught on after a few weeks—noticing how you avoided any questions about yourself, your family, anything that would allow him any glimpse into who you were outside what Sarah had told him, which wasn’t much at all. He’s trying to make you feel welcomed and you can appreciate that.

You’ve offered to help pay for meals on multiple occasions, but it never works. Quickly thwarted off by Joel’s extended hand as he shoves your cash away, assuring you that it wasn’t your responsibility. This was his house, his gesture, and he didn’t want you to think you owed him anything.

Yet, something in you yearned to do so.

You wanted him to know just how grateful you were.

His curiosity about you comes to a head on a night after a few beers with friends, poker table trashed and the kitchen a mess. You were bringing down the trash from Sarah’s room, the shared dinner you two had had as a treat for your first day without studying—it was relaxing, mostly because your day had been spent here rather than home.

Joel gathers a few bottles in his large palm, slipping the lips of the bottle through spread fingers. “You two enjoyin’ yourselves?” He asks, looking at you casually. It was a question you’ve heard often, a simple conversation starter. And talking to Joel was much easier now.

You nod, lips pulled into a tight smile. “Yes, Mr. Miller.”

“C’mon now,” Joel jests, dropping the bottles into the trash, “none of that—it’s Joel. Shit makes me feel old, darlin’.”

The nickname wasn’t new either. He often called Sarah by her name or babygirl.

Darlin’ though, it was all you.

He takes the dirty plates from your hands and places them in the sink, palm extended against the ledge of the counter while he rests his other hand against his hip.

“How are you doin’?” He asks, voice softer but still gruff. “Not that you have to tell me, I just want to make sure you’re feelin’ comfortable here.”

“I’m okay,” You say through an unsure smile that Joel notes but doesn’t press on, “it’s just easier to study here—I’m sorry if I spend too much time around here. Feels like you should be charging me rent by now.”

“Not a chance in hell, darlin’.” Joel grins, shiny white teeth showing behind his smile. The small bit of his shirt that was tucked in came loose by the rub of his fingers at his hip and drawing your eyes to the skin briefly, “you’re always welcome here.”

And you hate the way you crave even an inkling of physical contact from him. A pat on the shoulder, a hug, a fucking kiss on the forehead. You weren’t his daughter, you didn’t want to be. But, there was something about Joel that you couldn’t pull away from, trying your best to keep it at bay.

“You know what,” Joel says suddenly, pulling your lingering gaze back on his face, feeling guilty as you chewed on your bottom lip, “why don’t you come on vacation with Sarah and I next month?’

“Mr—Joel, that’s—” You’re quickly silenced by his hand actually pressing against your shoulder now—and fuck, when had he gotten so close?

“Sarah was thinkin’ about asking you anyways. We’re gonna take a trip to the Keys,” He rubs gently at the junction in your shoulder, the thick expanse of his thumb pressed against bare skin, “—just consider it, alright? Lord knows you both need a break as much as I do.”

The thing about Joel is that he was such a good father, something you haven’t been privy to in the couple decades and some few years you’ve been alive. You want to feel jealous and angry, spiteful that this was something you couldn’t have naturally. But, it feels nothing like that.

The crush you had on Joel was dangerous. But, that was all it was. A craving to be around Joel, to seek his approval and gain his trust. And bask in the care he provides. A simple case of daddy issues that you couldn’t admit to yourself was actually happening.

You shouldn’t entertain the idea.

You shouldn’t even consider it.

“Oh—okay. Yeah, as long as Sarah is alright with that.” You nod, a genuine, soft smile stretching across your face. Joel squeezes your shoulder tighter and you swear you feel it moving in closer, like he wants to hold you closer, cradle you in his hands. But, then the touch is gone and his fingers are running through his hair, curls separating through his fingertips.

“Alright then.” Joel says triumphantly, “You gonna be okay gettin’ home tonight?”

Sarah was driving you home soon, like usual. You nod.

“Good,” Joel nods, “Goodnight, darlin’.”

“Goodnight, Joel.” You say sweetly, patting your hand against the countertop softly, unable to spare a look his way as you walk in the opposite direction.

But, he can’t help his own fleeting and inappropriate thoughts, eyes dragging along your figure as you walk away, hands gripping the countertop like a vice, internally kicking himself how indecent he was allowing himself to think about you. Still, it didn’t stop the thoughts from flooding in and if he found himself spread out on his sheets that night, cock held tight in his hands as he fucked himself into his fist—well, he could repent for it some other time.

You touch down in the early morning on a Sunday, still riddled with anxiety from the plane ride. Joel had tried his best to accommodate, even buying first class tickets despite his usual tendency to go business. He didn’t care much for amenities but he wanted to treat Sarah and you, making you feel guilty with how quickly your face lit up at the sight. Spacious seats stocked with gifts and snacks, a tiny television molded into the area, it felt like too much.

It was. But, Joel assured you it wasn’t.

There was little planned for the week you had to spend there and you had tried to scrounge up a little cash within the month you had to save, picking up a few extra shifts at your job and stowing it away for this—hoping you could treat yourself to something, anything. Even if it was just a stupid tourist shirt that cost an egregious amount of money.

Joel quickly snuffs out that idea, putting his foot down as he assured you that this trip was a treat. Not just for himself, but for all of you. You never asked how much money the Miller’s had, but it was clearly more than you could ever fathom to be imaginable. He yanks the black Amex from his wallet and hands it off to every waiting server and store owner you three come across.

It’s abundantly clear that they don’t worry about money in the sense that you do—it wasn’t unwelcomed, but it was an adjustment that took a couple days to get over, feeling shame for enjoying it. He’d paid for the plane fare, booked the hotels and the activities you had planned, made sure meals were paid for and then some, even allowing you and Sarah some spending money to go shopping for clothes or whatever you needed.

He didn’t ask, it didn’t matter. He just wanted you to feel welcomed. Like family…or something.

The trip is fairly harmless fun, a few swimming activities that tire you all out and lend to an early turn in on a couple nights, dinners that lended you to learn a lot more about Joel. Still, as much as Joel tried, you weren’t as open. Vague answers, sidewaying the conversation. He didn’t try to pry, though. And you were thankful for that.

But, with fairly harmless came a few instances that didn’t feel so.

The first comes in the deep end of the ocean, floating on a shared longboard in the midst of the calm waves, humid heat sticking to your skin. Fingers fiddling with the loosening tie around the back of your neck as Sarah wades off to the shore for a brief minute to reapply sunscreen. And maybe you shouldn’t have asked, but you see the lingering look Joel gives you, fingers curling subtly against the edge of the board.

“Can you help me?” You ask, slowly edging around the board until you’re beside him, turning before he has the opportunity to answer. “It’s hard to get it tight on my own.”

Joel clears his throat and offers a smile, “‘Course, chin down for me?” And you follow his lead, feeling his fingers brush against your neck and guide your head down, untying the loose not completely and feeling your swim top go slack, covered by the safety of the water and your back turned to him, but it doesn’t stop the touch of his fingertips against your skin as he ties the knot and tugs slightly, assuring that it was secure to his liking. You lift your head slowly when you feel his palm press flat against your back, fingers curling around the point where your shoulder meets your neck.

“Thanks, Joel.” You turn your head over your shoulder to look back at him, earning a small nod as his touch lingers, only loosening when you rescue your grip on the longboard in front of you.

“Enjoyin’ yourself so far?” He asks, always able to ease into steady conversation without missing a beat. “Any complaints?”

“Definitely,” You smile wide, huffing soft laugh through your nose as you shake your head, “I guess I do have one complaint, actually.” You tell him honestly, a subtle nervousness to your voice.

“Well, I’m all ears, darlin’.” He responds, leaning his elbow onto the board as it bobbed slightly.

“I just…you don’t have to pay for everything, Joel.” You find yourself rushing out the words, hoping that it wouldn’t cause an adverse reaction, but instead, Joel smiles wider.

“Look, I invited you on this trip,” Joel explains, “and that means you aren’t paying for a damn thing. Alright?”

You nod meekly, quieting down as Sarah waded back into the ocean toward you both.

With Joel, it was something you would have to learn to accept.

You try to ignore the lingering touch of his fingertips on your neck, but now it feels like a burn in your skin that would only get worse as time went on.

The second instance isn’t as much of a thing, rather than a moment.

Eyeing a sundress that resembled some of the similar outrageous patterning that Joel wore, shapes and blobs morphed around the material yet somehow managing to look chicer than anything you’ve ever come across, strappy and long and deep cut down the center. It wasn’t for modesty, you could assume that much. You run your fingers along the creases and stitching in the fabric, admiring it as you flipped the tag in your hand, immediately gawking at the price.

Joel had been lingering by, browsing the various knick knacks and souvenirs lining the shelves off the small store—all hand-made pieces that he could appreciate, but didn’t find any use for himself. And he’s watching you, has been for a while, noticing the way your eyes kept flicking back toward the dress despite your path around the store.

Joel casually follows the same path, taking a subtle peek at the tag. It was a few hundred dollars, but given the silkiness of the material and him being very familiar with the tone of pricing around the area, it wasn’t an outrageous ask. He slips the dress off the rack, careful as he removes it off the hanger and finds you separated from Sarah as you peruse down a wall of jewelry—some cheap and some not, looking around with no real want, just admiring.

He slips the dress into your hands, rough, overworked palms cupping your own as he makes you physically wrap your fingers around and claim the garment, chest to your back as he speaks, lips a hair's breadth away from your ear.

“It’s a pretty dress,” Joel says calmly, much calmer than your rapidly beating heart and the sudden uptick in your breathing, silk material spread out over your fingertips, “shame for it to go to waste, darlin’.”

“It’s expensive.” You argue, voice soft as he locks eyes with you in the mirror nestled in the nearest corner, “It’s nice to want things Joel, but I don’t need it.”

“I dunno,” He responds, unconvinced, “and—maybe I’m speaking out of turn but I think it’d look great on you.”

And you’ve never been more thankful of Sarah’s obliviousness to certain things, so wrapped up in her own shopping across the store that you two remained unsuspecting, eyes still locked on one another through the shared mirror.

He can see the way your body twitches at the comment, responds, but what he doesn’t understand is how it makes your cunt throb, solid body pressed against your back as he squeezes the backside of your hands with his palm. The willingness of contact was still fresh and new but it never made you feel unsafe—in fact, it had the opposite effect entirely.

Joel speaks again, directly to you in the mirror.

“I might just have to buy it for you, darlin’.” He says quietly, “You alright with that?”

You hesitate for a moment, but nod shakily. “Thank you, Joel.”

“Don’t need to keep thankin’ me.” Joel assures, “I know it’s implied.”

But, the instance that had you reeling for days after, still replaying it vividly in your mind, was a night near the end of your trip. Sarah had long gone to bed and you, riddled by insomnia, find yourself at the hallway vending machine, looking for a snack to cure your growing hunger.

Though, it seemed that Joel had the same idea—fork halfway into his mouth as he turned the corner, a sizable piece of chocolate cake inside of a small to-go tray, looking even guiltier as he caught sight of you, feeling like he really didn’t want to get caught like this. It makes you laugh into the palm of your hand. Joel is acting like the kid that got sneaking cookies in the middle of the night, still not hesitating to lick the fork clean as he tucked it away in the styrofoam box.

“Don’t tell Sarah,” He swears you to secrecy, “she’s already on my ass enough about my sugar intake.”

“You’ve got a sweet tooth,” You shrug, “nothing wrong with that.”

“What about you, huh?” Joel’s eyebrows raise in question, watching as you peruse the various snacks but not finding anything particularly appetizing. “Late night snack?”

“Somethin’ like that.” You chew at your bottom lip, feeling that this was useless.

“Wanna share it?” Joel asks suddenly, pulling your attention to him immediately. “That way I feel a little less guilty about it.”

“Oh—and then bring me down with you?” You tease lightly, “Of course.”

It’s how you end up in Joel’s room that night, no other intentions than to share that stupid piece of cake, lacking a fork so you trade off for a few bites until it slowly delves into you both feeding each other as you talk, one of you hogging the fork more than the other. You curled up in one chair and Joel relaxed out in the other, styrofoam box held to his chest and forcing you to lean closer to assure you didn’t drop crumbs everywhere.

Maybe it should feel weird, but it doesn’t.

“You know—if there’s anything you do need—” Joel begins after a while, meaningless conversation having died out.

“I know—Sarah tells me all the time. I just have to ask.” It feels pointless, rehashing things again. But, Joel feels the need to reassure and comfort. It didn’t help that he was finding himself, at his age, attracted to you in such a depraved way. “I will—if I do, I mean.”

It’s forbidden territory he couldn’t cross. But realistically, that only made him want you more.

Joel feeds you a slow bite, lips catching over the fork but smearing a copious amount of chocolate frosting on your chin. Before you have the thought process to wipe it away Joel is already there, leaning forward in his chair as he uses his pointer finger to clean you up, eyes following his movements carefully after the first initiation of touch.

Your breath catches in your throat, expecting him to use his own mouth to disallow wasting the frosting, but instead he raises it to your mouth in a split decision, his eyes dilating slightly under your shy gaze. Your lips press against the side of his finger in a gentle kiss that quickly spreads, taking the full length of his finger into your mouth as you lick away the excess frosting, feeling the pulse of desire in your belly as it grew, knowing that if Joel wanted to keep you there he could, locked under his gaze with his fingers stuffed into your mouth and you’d let him.

It was despicable. Inappropriate and wrong. But, you couldn’t help how badly your body wanted him, despite your brain telling all of this was a horrible decision.

You pull your mouth away with a soft pop, watching as Joel curl’s his hands into tight fists as he pulls them back to his side lazily, seeming more tense now.

“I should go.” You say softly, terrified to disturb this moment and the tension that blanketed it.

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea, darlin’.” Joel says reluctantly.

Things only get worse from then on—and maybe worse is a strong word. But, it soon turns into a game that neither of you can stop, waiting until one of you finally makes the wrong move.

A few weeks later and your laptop takes the shit on a random Tuesday, head buried in your hands as Sarah tries to console you, but it isn’t much use. You knew it was a stretch to think the laptop could last you through the entire semester, and with just a few short months left, it couldn’t be worse timing.

Joel walks in at your inconvenience, keys jingling in his hands as he slips off his leather peacoat, glancing at Sarah who didn’t give him much to go off of. He folds the jacket over the back of an empty dining chair and rests his hands against the top of it, eyes scanning over the both of you at the table, one looking a little more distraught than the other.

“Everything alright?” He asks curiously, earning a subtle head shake from Sarah. He clears his throat, “Or—uh, well, how is the studying going? Feel like that’s all you two do.”

You rub a frustrated hand over your face and sigh, “I’m gonna see if I can get a ride home or something,” You tell Sarah, sliding your phone off of the table, “I’ll deal with this later.”

Joel and Sarah share a quick look of communication, her hand waving toward you sharply, forcing Joel to speak up before you make another rash decision and spend money on a long ride home when had the perfect opportunity standing right in front of you.

“I can give you a ride home.” Joel offers, much to your surprise.

You’ve been alone with Joel a lot now, though inadvertently.

Sarah would sneak away in her room for longer stretches of time just to call her boyfriend—which wasn’t a bad thing, but it felt odd when Joel would come home and there was no one to greet him but you. Still, you stretched your lips into a smile and welcomed him sweetly.

Even if this was his home.

Or times when you just happened to cross each other's path, even in such a large space. Sometimes the front porch when you were taking a break to stretch your legs, his watchful gaze dragging along your figure as he sipped on a hot cup of coffee in the evening, foot stabilized on the deck as he rocked in the wooden swing he sat on, crickets chirping loudly as the sun set.

Or just a simple trip to the bathroom, his bedroom across the hall and a couple doors down, often shut, but there were moments when you opened the doors, nearly face to face, and neither of you could look away. Joel would clear his throat, excuse himself, and kindly gesture for you to walk first. It happened often, too often—but neither of you addressed it. Instead, the tension grew. And grew. Until it felt like poking a sleeping bear. So it hibernated in both of you quietly.

Part of you expected things to change, that the small moment shared in his hotel room would make things hard to navigate, but if anything—it’s easier.

“Okay.” You agree easily, not having the proper energy to fight him over it.

The ride is quiet for the most part and Joel doesn’t need the step by step directions as he knows this town like the back of his hand, but he makes a wrong turn somewhere between his house and yours and you don’t feel like something is wrong, but it definitely feels off.

“Joel, you missed the last left.” You speak up as he continues down the road, glancing around leisurely as you soon delve onto a main street, lined with several shops. “Joel—”

“I’m gonna make a quick stop,” Joel attempts to ease your worries, fingers tapping against the gear shift positioned in the center console, “if you don’t mind.”

The moment he pulls into the parking lot of the electronic store, you know. You can see it in his eyes as he squints, checking that the store is still open and pulls into a parking spot near the front of the store.

“Joel, no—” You grab his wrist suddenly, his free hand reaching for the door handle and he looks down, eyes connecting where your skin touched before slowly flicking up to you, “look—just, I don’t need you to buy me a new fuckin’ laptop. I can handle it.”

Joel’s shoulders shrug in his obnoxiously patterned shirt, like he’s working out a kink in his neck as he repositions himself in the seat but doesn’t pull away from you. In fact, his hand gradually pulls toward your knee, fingers squeezing around your kneecap comfortingly.

“Considering it a loan then?” Joel tries to bargain, “Let me help you out now so you won’t have to worry about it and you can pay me back as you get the money? I see how often Sarah uses her laptop, it doesn't make sense for you to go without when I can help.”

You chew on your bottom lip thoughtfully, staring intensely back at him. You could put your foot down and deny his offer, but the idea of suffering through the rest of the semster without your sole life line to surviving through college—well, that was actually torture.

“I’m paying back every single penny.” You tell him forthright, waiting until he nods in agreement.

“Sounds like a deal to me.” Joel responds.

Joel spares no expense, which doesn’t come as a surprise. He buys you the highest, top notch laptop they have to offer—and even as you stare daggers into the side of his face, there’s an inkling in your mind that tells you he isn’t going to allow you to hold up your end of the deal.

Joel liked to party too—not giant parties that felt overwhelming and unwelcoming. But, he did have a close group of older male friends that he liked to play poker with on the back deck of the Miller household.

Sarah learned to block it out early on, knowing that at some point things would get just a little too loud and not as easy to ignore. But, Joel never made you feel out of place within any of these instances. You were welcome here all the time and Joel was clear about that.

He’s showered you with gifts and accommodation and you hate the way it makes you feel special, wanted—beyond the night in his hotel room it was only innocent glances. It felt like you were misreading things, making something out of nothing.

Things aren’t great at home and you like it here—love it, even. And you feel your mind nagging away to make a stupid, spur of the moment decision. You could ignore it, but then your eyes catch Joel’s through the slight crack in the door, trapping you in his gaze like you’ve been caught doing something wrong.

He squints slightly, lips curling around his beet bottle as he takes a long swig, fist uncurling against his jeans as he rubs out his palm and smiles—he has you hooked in so fucking easy it feels pathetic.

This is wrong. You inhale a shaky breath and turn away, busying yourself with literally anything else—a scuff on the table, the chipped nail polish on your fingernails, something.

Eventually his friends filter out—and Sarah had invited you to stay over the night barring that it was the weekend and she enjoyed your presence just as much as you did hers—if only she could understand the now huge, harboring crush you had on her father. It was harmless, but it felt like a betrayal.

And the feeling only increased as the night creeped along, your burdening insomnia keeping you awake, shifting and turning in the sheets beside her as you tried and failed miserably to fall asleep.

It was quiet out here, less commotion from the city. It was eerie, in a way.

You slip out of the bed quietly, walking barefoot on the hardwood as you tiptoed until you were outside of her room, closing the door behind you. You weren’t hungry, so you didn’t bother with the kitchen, rather heading toward the front door that was already halfway open.

Part of you expected Joel to be sitting on the porch, no real rhyme or reason. But, even he is out of sight. The soft, well-kept grass welcomes the press of your feet as you wander outside slowly, the hug of the warm spring air on your skin even this late at night. You catch one of the Miller’s horses hanging out around the edge of their enclosure, wondering if they managed to nudge their way out of their stable. You approach slowly, still not as accustomed to them as you’d like to be.

But, they were friendly. So, you raised a careful hand and rubbed gently at the horse’s mane, smiling at the soft huff it offered in return, leaning its snout over the fence more.

“Sunshine is always friendly,” Joel says from somewhere you don’t see, startling you out of your body as you jump, whipping your head around to look for him, eventually landing on his approaching form as he left the barn that held the stables, “—sneaky little gal, though.”

You laugh softly, finding it hard to believe that such a sweet horse was capable of escaping.

Joel whistles softly, beckoning her toward him. “Come on.” He nods, silently asking you to join him. You follow eagerly, watching as he unlocks the entrance to the fence for you to slip through, locking it behind you as you pass the threshold, catching up with Joel in a few steps.

“Don’t sleep well, do you?” He asks, heading turned over his shoulder briefly to look at you. You nod quietly, leisurely approaching Sunshine’s stable and watching as Joel locks her back up, rattling the gate for safety this time, ensuring it was secure. “Seems we have a few things in common.”

Joel stays quiet for a moment—in his own head, a deep moment of contemplation, carrying and safeguarding these thoughts he knows he shouldn’t have, wondering how your skin would feel against his palm, how the pulse of your heart would feel as he pressed his hand to the center of your chest and kissed you, full tongue and consumed your essence, this unignorable aura you had around you.

He feels sick, distraught. But, he can’t force himself to avoid you either.

“There’s somethin’ that usually helps me,” Joel tells you, hand pressed wordlessly against the center of your back as he guides you out of the barn and locks it up as well, “just goin’ somewhere quiet—lot of the time it’s just my thoughts keepin’ me awake.”

God, if only he knew.

He did, but that wasn’t the point.

Joel quiets for a moment, stuffing the ring of keys into his pocket as he glances over at the house briefly.

“You wanna go for a quick drive?” Joel asks suddenly, forcing it out before he can find a reason to stop himself.

“As long as it doesn’t end with you buying me another laptop, sure.” You chide deviously, watching the smirk grown on Joel’s face, knowing he still hasn’t taken a dollar from you.

And vehemently refuses every time you offer.

Joel drives you the path further into the land of property he owns, most of it still unexplored by you, eventually finding a clearing near the east edge, right on the edge of a body of water and a dock nestled near the shore. There’s a small boat tied to a post, big enough for a few people.

Under this light, as you exit the truck, Joel looks different.

He’s free of the weight of jewelry he wore, comfortable in his worn shirt and soft cotton shorts. For a while, Joel had been such an enigma that you weren’t sure what to make of him. Sure, he was just Sarah’s dad—but he was also Joel Miller, backbone of the town. His face was plastered everywhere. There wasn’t a single street you could traverse down that didn’t have him nestled away somewhere.

He spots a small mud puddle under your feet as he rounds the truck and quickly catches you before your feet get stuck, hands locked in yours as you jump over the small patch of wet dirt.

You let out an exasperated sigh as you look up at him, silently thanking him with your eyes.

“Can you swim?” He asks casually.

“Yeah…” You respond hesitantly, eyes locked onto the boat several feet away.

Joel releases your hands, but it doesn't matter. His touch still lingered painfully and you want nothing more than to pull him back in. But, now Joel is asking to go on a midnight boat ride with you and—really, how could you turn that down?

Joel rows you toward the center of the lake, your eyes locked onto the mesmerizing sight of the stars in the sky, so much clearer out here and away from the city.

“Pretty, ain’t it?” Joel asks, not bothering to look his way.

You smile slightly, leaning back onto the palms of your hands.

“Yeah, it really is.” You miss the way Joel’s gaze lingers, admiring you.

“Now—sometimes I just come out here and talk to nothin��,” Joel explains when the boat comes to a full stop and he rests the oars inside the boat, knees spread as he resting his elbows on them, “then other times I just sit and enjoy the quiet.”

Your choice—that’s what he’s implying.

You clear your throat softly, finally changing a glance his way.

“I just—I don’t wanna say I’m jealous of what you have here,” You say quietly, “but, it really is a bitter reminder of without Sarah or you, I’d have next to nothing.”

Joel stays quiet, allowing you to marinate in thought and figure out how to convey how you were feeling.

“And—I don’t know. Selfishly, I like it.” Liked him. “But, I don’t want to rely on it and you make that a little impossible. I do have money, Joel. I can pay for things. I just don’t want you feeling like you have to do any of this out of necessity.”

“I’m not,” Joel admits, “Now—what makes you think that, darlin’?”

“I just—I don’t want anyone thinking I need to be fixed, I don’t.” You tell him, “I don’t need charity, either.”

Joel waves his fingers in a come closer motion, taking your slowly extending hands in his own, thumbs rubbing over soft skin tenderly, boring his eyes into your own.

“I’m gonna tell you this once and I need you to listen,” Joel says softly, but his voice feels so loud in the silence of the night, breeze hitting your skin and sending a sharp chill up your spine—but, you’re not how much of mother nature is responsible for that, “really listen, alright?”

You nod slowly, blinking a few times as you feel yourself shrink under his gaze.

“What I give you isn’t charity,” Joel tells you seriously, “and—maybe this is crossing a boundary I shouldn’t but, you’re somethin’ close to family. I take care of people I care about.”

Not family—he couldn’t conitate that with the feelings and thoughts he was having toward you.

“Close to family?” He was praying you wouldn’t harp on it, but you needed to confirm the underlying layer of tension that lingered between you two all the time. It was driving you insane, keeping you late into the night—he was the reason for your insomnia.

Joel smirks slightly, covering it with a quiet chuckle. His hand gradually cradles your face, rubbing along your cheek with a delicate touch, “I think you know, darlin’.”

God, he hoped you did. His thumb dragging along your plush bottom lip, eyes lingering for a brief moment before he pulls away, immediately missing his touch as he reigns himself to the idea that he may have crossed a line, quietly rowing the way back toward the dock.

Neither of you get much sleep that night anyways.

More time passes, lingering touches grow, and Joel is terrible at hiding his affinity for you now. Finding that those few words burned all regards he had toward keeping himself restrained around you. He had enough of a mind to keep it private—but there were comments, sweet little words that he’d whisper as you walked by or he caught you alone.

Nothing scandalizing, but just enough that it had your heart fluttering in your chest.

Until there is a small slip up, helping the Miller’s with dinner one night as Sarah escapes to the bathroom for a brief moment, your arms outstretched into the cabinet to grab for something just out of reach.

“Use the stool, darlin’,” Joel sees your struggle, “safer that way.”

You look around observantly before you find a folded up stool tucked into the only open corner in the kitchen, taking it back to your spot and unfolding it.

“Good girl.” Joel comments quietly, catching the startled look on your face as your head snaps back toward him. And he has the nerve to smile, noticing the hitch in your breath.

And it only grows in intensity until you can’t stand it anymore, cornering him in the kitchen on a night where Sarah is already upstairs gathering herself for bed, thinking you had come down for a couple bottles of water.

Joel is nursing a small glass of whiskey and he’s silent, but his gaze tracks your movement. You move toward him.

There is a belief in you, fully realized, that something is up here.

"Joel," You lick your lips hesitantly, squaring yourself up against the counter, standing straight, trying not to seem like you were teetering near a dangerous edge of delirium, wondering if you were imagining all of this, "can I ask you something?"

There's a severe lack of distance between you two, knees knocking against each other gently from where you both stand, eyes searching out cautiously even though you know there's nothing to worry about. You were alone, something that has happened far too many times over the past few months. Lingering moments of wandering gazes, eyes connecting from across the room even if Joel was surrounded by people, partying with friends while you're tucked away in the corner while Sarah talks to you about the boys at school that you can't be bothered to give the time of day.

Because of Joel. Because your mind is so tainted by the idea of him.

His palm is flattened out against the counter, adorned with a couple golden rings that clack against the marble, gold chains to match that sat perfectly against his chest, framing the small patch of hair that peeked out over his unbuttoned shirt, silk-pressed and adorned in a silly design that somehow always managed to work perfectly with whatever Joel paired it with.

"Course," He assures you, "You need somethin'? 'Cause you know if things aren't alright at home you're welcome to stay with us."

He’s not amiss to notice just how much time you spend here and no one bothers to come around and check on you. Given you were an adult, it was still glaringly obvious you escaped here for a reason.

Joel reaches out to touch your cheek, the warmth of his skin melding with your own as your breath catches in your throat.

Touch wasn't new, but it never got old. Like a brand against your skin that screamed out for more. You look down briefly, mouth opening slightly to say something, but quickly resigns back to its previous position, lips pursed under a soft scowl.

"I can take care of you," Joel reminds, like you could ever fucking forget it, written all over your features and the outfits you wore now, the dainty gold chain that he'd leant to you as a gift when you pointed out how much you liked it—he'd bought it for himself but there was no resistance in offering over it over to you, bright smile stretching across your face in the moment that Joel felt a sickening addiction to, "—if that's what you need, sweetheart."

You nod instinctively, though you’re not sure what you’re answering too.

“We’ve got a spare room,” Your bottom lip pulls between your teeth, the huskiness to his voice shouldn’t feel intimate speaking such meaningless words, “plenty of room for you, alright?”

“Mhm,” You answer weakly, feeling the distance start to close as Joel tries—really fucking tries to fight it, but he can’t help the way his eyes track the way your body responds to his teach, lip trembling when you release it from it’s hold between your teeth, “thank you, Joel.”

“For?” Your heart is racing, terrified of being caught but also enticed by how openly Joel is admiring you, eyes wide with adoration and curiousness, something undiscovered and new to him.

“Taking care of me.” You echo his words, but you’re both quickly retching away at the sound of a door creaking upstairs, separating in an instant.

This was all you had—fleeting moments that would never be.

The logistics are complicated to figure out at first, but finishing up the last few weeks of schooling away from the stress of being at home and somewhere where you could actually focus outside of school made the most sense. You pack a big enough bag to last you through the month, clothes and personal belongings you care about, and make the small guest room your new home.

At least, as much as you could.

Luckily, your final classes are a breeze—thankful that most of your discipline with studying had paid off, you and Sarah would graduate in another couple weeks and allow yourself a real break over the summer before deciding how you both wanted to continue. More schooling or not, you would handle that later—for now, you let your mind rest.

And Sarah, well, she escapes the first chance she gets—the first official day free of responsibilities she’s running off for a weekend vacation with her boyfriend, assuring she didn’t mind you tagging along if you wanted to come, but you could see it on her face—she wanted privacy.

So, you had no problem staying back.

A weekend alone—with Joel? Who could barely keep his eyes off of you know that you were around constantly, even in the early mornings when he’d walk through the kitchen shirtless and fumbling with the old coffee pot he refused to get rid of. It was a side to him you hadn’t seen much of and it was slowly etching itself into your memory.

Everything implodes the first night that Sarah is gone, unknowingly yet not unwelcome. But, it’s a turning point neither of you can come back from.

It’s undeniable the amount of boiling sexual tension that has stirred between you both between Joel’s heated gaze and scandalizing comments, stuff that he tries to hold in but fails when he sees how easily of an effect it has on you.

So, as luck would have it, your restless minds meet again.

Joel stops between his open bedroom door and the wall, watching as you approach quietly, smiling kindly as you reach for the door to the guest room, bidding him a soft goodnight.

He could spend his night writhing in bed, hand around his cock as he jerked himself to the thought of you a few feet over, nestled under your sheets—unbeknownst to him, relieving yourself in a similar way and yearning for the stretch of him rather than your measly fingers. It used to relieve the ache and help you sleep, but now it made things impossibly worse.

His fingers encircle your wrist quick, but carefully, silence your ultimate downfall as you stare over at him curiously, his eyes pleading something so desperate it roots itself into your own mind. Like an invisible string tethered to your bodies, it pulls you both together instinctively.

He doesn’t hesitate with touch now, slowly barricading his hands against the side of your neck, gradually working to cradle your head, tipping your head back as he leaned in, not willing himself to cross that line unless you allowed it. He knew the second you stepped over he was done for, similarly, you knew that to be true for yourself.

“Tell me to stop,” Joel begs, “—tell me and I’ll give this up.”

You double down, pressing your face against his own, nose pressing against each other, speaking against his lips in a venomous tone that seeps into his bloodstream.

“No,” You tell him, steadfast and unwavering, “I don’t think I will.”

Joel breathes in sharply before his reverence is breaking, pressing you up against the solidness of the guest room door and crashing his lips against your own, his grip bruising as he palms at your thighs, hooking a leg around his hip as he grinds into you, the feeling dulled out by layers of fabric but you can still feel him. He’s hard and straining against the soft fabric and making no attempt to hide how much you affected him.

“We’re makin’ a big mistake,” Joel says into your mouth, pulling your bottom lip between his teeth to prove his point, pulling a sharp moan from your chest at the slight sting, “you realize that?”

You find your courage and part from him briefly, open palm rubbing against the line of his cock, slowly trailing up and under his shirt, blunt nails clawing into the stomach, the muscle tensing under your skin, “I’m well aware—are you gonna stand here and have a moral dilemma about it or are you going to fuck me, Mr. Miller?”

It ignites a fury behind his eyes, ravenous and wild. He grips your face tightly, tilting your head up at a slightly uncomfortable angle, pussy clenching around absolutely nothing from the show of dominance, the grin spreading across your face all Joel needed to confirm his suspicions about you.

You enjoyed this—him, the little game you’ve allowed him to play over the past few weeks. And just as he’d said before, he wanted to take care of you—in as many ways possible.

“Say it again,” He warns, squeezing your cheeks together between his tight grip on your face, “—fuckin’ say it.”

“Mr. Miller,” You drone sweetly, best you can through his sturdy grip, “—hm, is that what you want to hear? Is that what gets off at night?”

Joel’s eyes squint slightly, attempting to read your expression. How would you know?

“Always want me to call you Joel because Mr. Miller is just too much, right?” You tease, “I guess you could lie to me, but the look on your face says otherwise.”

The back of your head drops softly against the door, nowhere to go as Joel has you crowded, hand tight on the doorknob and unmoving. You’re trapped and you can’t be bothered to care.

His hand trails to your neck gradually and squeezes, eyes rolling into the back of your head briefly as his jaw clenches, teeth gritting together as he bares them and speaks, “Should’ve guessed you’d like it like this, huh?”

You feign cluelessness, eyes half-lidded and staring back defiantly, swallowing against the solid hand he held against your neck.

“Tell me you want it,” Joel presses, feeling how mutely you attempt to press against hold and fail, “need to hear you say it first.”

“What? That I want you cock, Joel?” You say vivaciously, grinning at how his mouth twitches at your words, cooing out a soft, “Because I do.”

And that’s all the confession Joel needs before he’s breaking the barrier and shoving you inside the guest room, slamming the door closed behind him with a foot as he tracks and approaches you, hauling you from the back of your thighs as your ass hits the bed, scooting back slightly and spreading your legs to allow him to slot perfectly between them.

The fabric of your shirt bunches in his hands as pushes it up and away, lips pressing hotly against your stomach, mouthing at the skin greedily, quickly forcing the shirt up your shoulders until you get the idea and rip the shirt over your head, bare breasts bouncing against the jostling of your body. Joel has half the mind to gawk before he’s latching his mouth around your nipple, biting gently at the flesh despite his choice to be more aggressive than you expected. It’s the right amount of too soft and too much, your fingers curling into his hair at the root and pulling, earning a soft groan in response.

His curls fall freely over his eyes from where he’s looking up at you, lips lingering against your breast tantalizingly, “Let me taste you.” He tells you, his fingers dancing along the hem of your bottoms, his body descending as you find yourself nodding absently, helping him in the impatient push and pull until he has you naked and bare before him, his cock straining prominently against the thin material of his pants, rubbing himself through the fabric as he uses his free hand to spread you wide, marveling at the sight of your slick over the lips of your cunt.

Joel settles against the sheets, broad shoulders supporting your thighs as he adjusts them over him and hovers closely of your cunt, waiting for your eyes to connect in a brief moment of confirmation

You wanted this. And so did he.

He remains wide-eyed as his lips connecting with your cunt, straight for your aching clit as he sucks, flicking his tongue over the sensitive spot with a precision that has you falling slack against the sheets, mouth open in a blissful agony as Joel works away at your pussy like he’s had a million years to study it, his fingers digging into the flesh of your thighs as you continue to pull and twist at his hair, selfishly grinding yourself against his face.

He never breaks his gaze on your face, even when you find yourself with your head thrown back, staring up at the ceiling mindlessly, admiring the hurried rise and fall of your chest as you moan out something intelligible, slowly beginning to make sense in his hazy mind, “Oh—right—right there, Joel. Fuck, please—” You beg sweetly, feeling weightless as he lowers his mouth to your neglected hole and licks inside, his nose pressing perfectly against your clit.

“C’mon, baby,” He murmurs against your pussy, “keep talkin’, let me hear you.”

You sigh in exasperation, feeling the burgeoning ache of your impending climax, “Faster—” Joel is an astute listener, never missing a beat as he picks up his pace and adds more pressure, “–shit, I’m gonna—”

Joel silences you with his eagerness to make you come, words falling flat as he assales your clit with a determination to have you coming against his mouth, feeling the muscles spasm as you crying out his name in desperation, orgasming over his greedy tongue as he laps you up synonymously, forcing your body into overstimulation until you have to physically force him away.

Joel doesn’t have half the mind to speak, eyes darkened to near black as he rises to remove his shirt, pants and underwear following quickly after, undressing under your hazy gaze as you try to calm your rapidly beating heart before he’s fisting himself tightly, tip of his cock rubbing against the line of your pussy and catching your entrance, using the last bit of restraint he had left.

He should be courteous and ask about protection—but there’s a heat behind your eyes when you see his thoughts wandering, quickly snuffing out any worries. You reach gently for the hand not fisting his cock, cradling your knee gently, “We’re safe.” You assure him, the first moment of deep, unsettling reality as he realizes the weight of his choices before him—he’s already committed a few atrocities he knows he can’t come back from, so, what was a few more?

And he couldn’t say no to you, not with you staring up at him so wantonly, eyes pleading something desperate and meek, curious if this was all just a heat of the moment thing. Partly, it was—but this was months upon months of built up tension finally spilling into reality.

Joel isn’t sweet either, as he presses inside you. It shouldn’t surprise you, his impatient nature as he pulls you in close, hands gripping under your thighs and manhandling you until your folded nearly in half, hips pistoning sharp and rough, his gaze locked on the sight of himself disappearing inside of you, the sheen of your slick over his cock as you suck him in greedily.

“Come on, baby,” He grunts roughly, “keep showin’ me how good I make you feel. Show me how grateful you are.”

As if it wasn’t already obvious, obscene noises, feeling the quiet air as you sob out, feeling the angle change as he shifts his knee by your ass, angling your hips up slightly.

“Thank—thank you,” You say softly, broken as he snaps his hips roughly, hitting something sensitive inside of you, the coiling heat in your stomach rebuilding quickly, “thankyouthankyouthankyou,” You ramble mindlessly.

Mesmerized, you watch his curls bounce freely over his forehead, overgrown hair sticking to his skin from the soft sheen of sweat, the muscles in his broad shoulders straining as he holds your legs prisoner in his grips, hips aching dully from the unusual angle but you ignore it. He’s locked onto your pussy for a long stretch of time, entranced until he hears your soft moans, realizing you’ve been admiring him this whole time, eyes locking on you in a moment of vulnerability as he speaks directly to you, hips slowing to a manageable, but still slightly overwhelming pace.

“Always—know how to appreciate things, isn’t that right?” Joel asks, the redundancy not lost on you, “Take everything I give you and never ask. Never greedy—just lettin’ me spoil you.”

“Joel—” You whine, his hand slowly trailing the path to your joined bodies, thumb circling slowly over your clit briefly, “—harder, fuck me—harder.”

“But, look at you now—so fuckin’ greedy for my cock,” He’s speaking through a slight groan, releasing the straining hold on your thighs as he falls, spreading his legs out and using his arms for support as he holds himself over you, hands fisting into the sheets beside your head, “gonna make me cum, baby.”

You find yourself desperate for touch now, wrapping your arms around his neck until he’s nearly chest to chest, forehead resting against your own as you whimper into his open mouth, “I want it.”

Joel makes a small noise of question, “Want what, baby?”

“Your cum,” You reply softly, watching the way his pupils dilate at your words, “—please?”

Joel groans involuntarily, feeling the dignified squeeze of your walls around his cock.

“Where?” He asks slightly breathless, panting into your mouth.

You reach blindly for his hand, using his pointer and middle finger to breach your lips, pressing flat against your tongue, “Right here.” You mumble around the thick digits.

It’s the first thing you’ve ever explicitly asked for and who was Joel to deny that.

Joel pulls out quickly, rising on his knees as you push up to rest on your palms, his head hung back as he fucks himself into his hand harshly, a few short pumps and he’s pressing the aching tip of his cock over your tongue, spilling into your mouth with a deep growl, forced through clenched teeth, working himself through the aftershock as he squeezes out the last bit of cum he has to offer into your waiting mouth, forcing your mouth closed with his opposite hand and watching as you tilted your neck up and swallowed, tongue peeking out playfully as you show him your empty mouth.

You have half the mind to think he’s finished, but instead he’s swatting your thigh as he maneuvers your hips until you realize he’s silently asking you to turn over, quickly situating your ass in the air with his strong, domineering grip—burying his face into your cunt without a moment of hesitation, a gasp ripping from your throat. Your hips pull away instinctively out of shock, earning a sharp slap by Joel’s hand against your oversensitive cunt.

“Stay still.” Joel demands.

You answer softly, a pathetic acknowledgement and nod, obeying his order.

“Good girl,” He coos, muffled against your cunt, “Come for me, baby—you’re right there, I can feel it.”

There’s little resistance as his tongue swipes over your clit, sending you into a shorter but immensely more consuming second orgasm, feeling yourself lose consciousness for a brief moment as you sob into the sheets.

“Fuck.” Joel sighs as he rests back on his calves, cock softening between his thighs as you roll onto your back gingerly, thighs shaking from strain, feeling Joel’s comforting touch on the aching muscles as you close your eyes, letting the reality of the situation set in.

You laugh giddily, “Yeah, fuck.”

Neither of you address the glaring issue of what just took place and somehow, that feels like the biggest atrocity to be committed.

Secrets weren’t something you used to harbor, but it seemed like that was all you had now.

Sneaking off with Joel, lying to Sarah—it was the last thing you wanted to do. But, you and Joel had each other in an equally debilitating grip that neither of you could loosen up on.

And with secrets came gifts, more and more outrageous as time went on—big ticket items that had you fearing that, at some point, Joel would drop something like a new car on you—and that, for what it was worth, would help you. But, it was nothing you wanted.

Sex started to feel transactional after a few more weeks, graduation creeping on you.

Joel never lacked in care and attentiveness, but there was this nagging feeling in the back of your mind, like you were this unattainable prize he was paying for and you were eating right out of the palm of his hand.

But, then graduation day approaches and Joel is acting odd.

So odd that it unsettles you. He’s there, along with his brother and his small family, cheering as loud for you as he does for Sarah, the obvious absence from your own family never lost on you or him. Then, night approaches.

He’d decided that throwing a party for the both of you in celebration was a good idea, just a small party with very few friends and he swore—swore that there was nothing else up his sleeve until he’s pulling you and Sarah off together, away from the party and there is a pair of matching, new cars parked in the driveway.

Sarah, given she already has everything she wants, is still thankful. It’s the one thing she had been trying to save up for herself, without the help of her dad. So, while she could be upset, she isn’t. She knows Joel’s intentions are good and that he’s just trying to be a good father—which is all he’s ever been for her.

But, for you, it stings.

You linger, settled a few feet away against his beater of a truck, staring at the car like it was an eyesore.

She doesn’t like it. She hates it, Joel thinks.

You thanked him regardless, but refused the keys. Joel had stuffed them into his pocket and allowed you the space you wanted, eyes pleading quietly. Sarah had hugged you gently, kind words left in your ear before she departed back inside.

“You’re like family,” She says with genuine love, “and he has more money than he knows what to do with—so honestly, just take it. You deserve it more than anyone.”

And that hurts worse, knowing that you’ve been lying to her for months.

You weren’t family. Not to Joel. You were something much more convoluted and dangerous.

A drug. A trap. Something he couldn’t rid himself of, not that he desired to. But, he knew—once you were embedded into his life, it would be nearly impossible to get you out.

–

Joel finds you a while later, away from the party and beyond eyesight from the house, curled up against the front end of the truck and picking away at some of the ripped denim of your jeans, counting the frayed pieces. He takes a similar position, sitting next to you silently.

“You don’t have to take it,” He tells you, “but, it is paid for—”

“Joel, please—”

“What?” Joel asks suddenly, his own annoyance getting the better of him, “What am I doing wrong?”

“Joel—we have sex, you buy me something ridiculous. Or, you buy me something ridiculous without my knowledge and then we end up having sex, how does that look to you?”

“Now, I’m not doing that because of sex—”

“But, you see how it looks? How it makes me feel?” You argue with him, “Joel, I can’t help how I feel about you, like—it feels physically impossible, but the constant gifts makes this seem transactional. I don’t want that. I’m already a secret, I don’t need to be bought either.”

Joel shakes his head in silent disbelief, “You really think that’s how I view you? That’s it?”

“You haven’t tried very hard to make me think otherwise, Joel.” You tell him honestly, “I don’t need you showering me with cars and clothes and shit that I don’t need—and if that’s what you feel like you need to do, I don’t want to do…whatever this is anymore.”

Fucking him, sneaking around in secret. You weren’t dating, but it sure fucking felt like it. One intimate moment from a love confession that would seal the deal on your perception of him.

Joel kicks at the gravel as he rises to his feet, pulling you up by your forearm, an immediate look of both confusion and frustration crossing your features as he turns you and presses your chest against the front of his truck, shadowed by the cover of night. His belt clanks together loudly as he undoes his jeans behind you, tucking them far down enough he can pull his cock from the confines of his underwear, lifting up the hem of your dress and yanking your own underwear down your legs and off, and you should stop him—but you don’t want to.

This was the problem. You couldn’t get enough of Joel.

He slips inside of you with ease, pulling a sharp gasp from your chest that he stifles with his hand, clasped over your mouth, fucking into you with a reverance that was new.

“Joel—we’refuck—we can’t here,” You try to say, yanking his hand away from your mouth, “we’ll get caught.”

Joel grips the base of your neck roughly, fingers curling around the sides as he tilts your head back and looks into your eyes, other hand coming around the bottom of your chin until you’re forced to look up and back at him, not a single speck of warm brown in sight. He looked angry.

But, it didn’t feel like it was directed toward you. Regardless, he fucked you like he was.

“I’ll return the fuckin’ car,” He starts to ramble, “I’ll return everything if that makes you think differently. God—” He snaps his hips harshly, earning a broken sob from you as you reach behind you blindly for something to anchor yourself on, fingers twisting into the fabric of his shirt, “—never want you to think this is transactional, baby. It never—never was.”

Never would be, you want him to say.

“Whaddya want me to say?” Joel asks before you can speak, “That I care about you—baby, I fuckin’ do. I thought that was obvious. Know—know I shouldn’t, that it’s wrong, but I knew—”

You gasp raggedly, his hand leaving your chin to find your clit, just the right amount of pressure to have your hands clawing at his skin, head resting back against his shoulder as he fucked into you.

“And I’ll keep this a secret if—if it means I can have you but this isn’t transactional,” He continues to speak, despite your inability, tipping over the edge of your orgasm as his hips stutter slightly, “it never will be.”

That—that was what you needed to hear. Pulling him taut against you as he buried his mouth into the junction of your neck and nipped, biting at the skin roughly but not enough to break skin.

“Come inside me,” You gasp, chest rising and falling quickly, “please—Joel, please?”

“You like when I fuck you like this, don’t you?” Joel teases, “Never ask for anything but my cum—greedy girl,” You moan at his words, spurring him even further, “tell me baby, tell me how much you want it.”

“So bad,” You whine, “Joel, please give it to me—fuck—all of it, please?”

Joel snaps his hips a few more times before his hand is releasing your neck, crossing over your chest and squeezing tightly at your breast as he pulses inside of you, pumping his hips and filling you full of his spend.

Joel kisses at the exposed skin of your shoulder, pulling out with a soft grunt, the slow jingle of metal sounding behind you as you reached for the underwear he offered you, slipping it back up your legs and into place, despite how Joel’s cum dripped out of you, something he makes point of as his fingers drag along the material, causing you gasp softy at his touch, swatting his hand away. He chuckles lowly at the annoyed glare you shoot his way.

Joel shifts your hips until you turn in his grip, back pressing against cool metal. He crowds you in again, leaving you feeling breathless as he grips your face, but his touch is surprisingly tender.

“What do we say?” He says softly, lips pressing against your own.

“Thank you,” You retort sarcastically, capturing his lips in a quick, bruising kiss as you card your fingers into his hair at the base of his neck, pulling gently, “this doesn’t change anything—I don’t want the car.”

“You don’t have to take it,” Joel settles, “but it’ll be here if you need it.”

You pull away further, looking at him endearingly, watching as his eyes flick briefly toward the house.

“What do we do–about this?” You ask quietly, afraid someone might be listening in despite being alone, “About…whatever this is.”

“Hey,” Joel assures gently, “don’t worry about that—not tonight.”

“Joel—” You plead, eyes searching desperately into his own.

“I care about you, that’s all you need to worry about.” Joel speaks truthfully, his thumb rubbing along the line of your jaw as you swallow, muscles tense under his touch.

And you’re wondering if he’s just saying what you want to her—that maybe this was still a game to him and he was letting you feed into it, nodding to his confession. Joel is all in, offering you his metaphorical hand.

You sigh shakily, “Okay—I trust you.” So please, don’t let me down.

And you know things will eventually implode, but you intend to hold on the brief moment of hope you have now, safe under his gaze as he leads you back to the house, everyone blissfully unaware of the moments you’ve shared, leaving you resigned to appreciate the greedy looks his shares with you across the room.

It was a dangerous game, but you were willing to take the risks.

#joel miller #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #the last of us fanfiction #tlou fanfiction #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #bfd!joel #pedro pascal characters #pedrostories #my writing

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stylespresleyhearted · 2 months ago

Text

CCG UNIVERSE - dad! Austin

notes: this is based on Mccall’s infamous Coffee Girl universe. Two years later I’m still obsessed. Honestly she should guess this is coming. Very Dad! Austin centered but CCG is still the bestest and I love her I just want dad! Austin and had so many ideas. LOVE YOU MCCALL 🩷❣️🦖🐠

—

liked by ashleybee, dualipa, and 1376000 more

coffee.girl If you’ve tried to contact me this past week, this is why I haven’t been able to get back to you. 🥹

view all comments

jillian.mua “If Daddy doesn’t see it, it didn’t happen.” - Luci 😂

coffee.girl no, seriously. Calls him multiple times a day it warms my heart.

austinfan her contact photo being austin w baby luci KILL ME

fan12 the bath one 😭 ‘member when austin said him and luci name all the birds and fishies together

austinbutler Hidden talent ♥️

fan13 i seen @coffee.girl at lunch with luci and luci was ‘vlogging’ for austin lmao what an icon

ashleybee she can call auntie ashley whenever she wants 😭💗

lennykravits Beautiful relationship between father and daughter ❤️ Isn’t it the best @austinbutler

entertainmenttonight You have broken the internet.

fan23 AND HE LOOKS SO HAPPY IN EVERY SINGLE CALL MY HEARTTT

austinupdates Did she make him a drawing of a heart 😭

liked by coffee.girl, oliviadejonge, and 73198 others

jillian.mua Someone didn’t answer the phone @austinbutler

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austinbutler Was on set. Calling back now.

coffee.girl LOL 😍

bazluhrmann She’s going to be a movie star!

fangirl1 lmaooo baz already working on her career

liked by fan11, coffee.girl, and 89154 others

people Join the poll at the link in our bio! Who do we think Austin Butler is talking to:

1. Luci Butler

2. @coffee.girl

3. someone else (enter a name)

view all comments

fan23 PLSSSS 😂😂😂😭 Luci won the poll 98% and the other two percent people said Callum 😂😂

fan13 lol the bromance that lives on forever

fangirl if you didn’t vote for luci have u been under a rock?

austinfan convinced if it wasn’t for luci austin would throw his phone away

fan43 austin and ccg are finally being a bit more open about luci pls don’t ruin it by being weird everyone

liked by austinbutler, ashleytisdale, and 136943 others

coffee.girl 🧜🏼‍♀️🧚🏼‍♂️🦄🐠🐟🐬🐙🦖🦕🕊️🪸🍤🩷💜💙 daddy

view all comments

jillian.mua love love love when I get me some of these

oliviadejonge Luci-code 🥀❤️‍🔥

ashleybee Sweet girl, she’s going to break his heart 🥹 love you Luc!

ashleytisdale She’s really missing him, isn’t she? Jupiter’s the same when Chris has trips.

coffee.girl Oh yeah I’m letting her sleep on his pillow and counting down the days 😢

evalongoria They get older and they understand but missing them never gets easier. My girls are the same. ❤️ Love and strength to your family.

austinbutler Hi baby ❤️🐠 Thank you. Love you both.

austinbutler Calling now

liked by jillian.mua and 93176 others

people No more tears! Our hearts are spared from any more Luci Butler missing her dad posts as Austin Butler reunites with his family in NYC today.

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fan13 honestly so happy for them poor baby luci was breaking my heart 😭😭

fan23 can’t imagine how austin felt having to be away for work he’s such a good father and husband. ♥️

fangirl HAPPY 4 UR BEAUTIFUL FAM 💗💗 @coffee.girl @austinbutler

liked by zendaya, ashleytisdale, and 1393765 others

austinbutler My girls are stylin’ ❤️

view all comments

zendaya the coolest 🔥

tchalamet i see the fit 👀

fan13 wahhhh so happy they reunited !!! 😭

catherinemartindesigns Beautiful ladies. 😍

keoghan92 OI OI lucky fella ☘️

liked by ashleybee, jillian.mua, and 67915 others

people Spotted in New York City: Austin Butler happily watches on as his wife keeps their daughter entertained while he films.

view all comments

ccgupdates me as a mom.

fan13 LMAO PLS thats so cute! Love you so much @coffee.girl

sophieturner You’re an icon babe 🔥

coffee.girl 🤣

fan23 I love that Austin looks so amused 😂😂

liked by austinbutler, ashleybee, tomhardy, and 1368923 others

hollywoodreporter Amidst filming on Darren Aronofsky’s film for new movie Caught Stealing, Austin Butler and @coffee.girl had to console their daughter who did not enjoy seeing her dad bruised and battered. More pics at the link in bio.

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butlerfam Luci sweetheart you are SO adorable ❤️❤️❤️

fan23 i love that they’re consoling her but so obviously amused 😂

fan13 need them to adopt me like yesterday ❤️ thanks

jillian.mua This little girl owns me

ccgupdates We all know Luci don’t play about her dad 🤣

fan41 LMAO IN HER LITTLE DINO SWEATER TOO OH LUCI 😭😭

ccgfan Aw how sweet lol. Hope she’s okay! @coffee.girl

coffee.girl Haha yes thank you everyone! Took some cuddles and kisses but now she’s in the make up chair getting some matching cuts and bruises 🙄😂

liked by jillian.mua, fan13, and 74187 others

dailymail Austin Butler and his wife look gorgeous as they enjoy a solo date night

view all comments

user12 I don’t care about celebrities but I wish this family love and happiness. They do their own thing.

fan13 Austin’s life completely changed when he did Elvis 🥹

ccgfan I believe in true love bc of them

liked by coffee.girl, ashleytisdale, and 45914 others

people Another film day, another cute moment on set. Luci Butler adorably waves to taxi her dad enters during shooting.

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fan23 hahaha if u watch the video austin waves back at her

fan13 thank you Darren for having an open set so we can see all these adorable Luci moments 😭

butlerfan She’s going to be a star ⭐️

catherinemartindesigns Let’s do another film so we can have Miss Luci join us on our set. ❤️

bazluhrmann She’s going to be the lead !

liked by ashleybee, ashleytisdale, and 76198 others

dailymail Austin Butler hangs with Luci while his wife, @coffee.girl, runs some errands.

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fan23 Luci crying when Austin was carrying the bag of potatoes flashback 😂

liked by fan23, fan41, and 893187 others

butlerfamupdates Austin attentively watches over Luci as she plays on set ❤️🥹

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fan23 He’s such a great dad. His mom would be so happy and proud.

zoekravitz Luci has stolen my heart 🐠🥹 I think it’s time @channingtatum

fan41 LMAO LUC MAKING HER WANT BABIES 😭😭😭

coffee.girl She loves her Aunt Zoe ❤️

lennykravitz The Butler family is the best. I’m convinced Luci knows the entire animal kingdom. Smarty pants!

fan31 Luci is the only celebrity child who has celebrity as fans. Her power unmatched.

liked by ashleybee, austinsfamily, and 1398376 others

austinbutler Fulfilled.

view all comments

ashleybee Can’t wait for you guys to come down so I can smooch her face off!! Love you guys ❤️

tomhardy Love to your family mate ❤️

florencepugh Can I come over soon please 😢

zendaya Aunty Z is gonna be in NYC in two days 👀👀

tchalamet @coffee.girl and Luci are part of the Dune family they gotta be there! ❤️‍🔥

krisjenner Family is blessing. Love you guys.

fan12 oh no stay away from them 😭

keoghan92 me and Brando on our way to see youse ☘️❤️

sabrinacarpenter Luci takes Short n’ Sweet MSG - sounds like a plan

coffee.girl haha she’s OBSESSED 🤩

dualipa Love from Aunt Dua and Uncle Cal! See you guys soon! 💗

butlerupdates It says so much that the Butler family garners so much love from the public and celebrities. It speaks of their humbleness, beauty, kindness, and love.

coffee.girl AUSTIN THIS ISN’T THE PHOTO WE AGREED ON!!! AGAIN!!!

—

um hi @blainesebastian blame my ovaries we talked about this

#austin butler #*made by me #masterlist #austin butler fanfiction #dad! austin #austin butler instagram edit #austin butler x reader #caught stealing #ccg #austin butler instagram #austin butler imagine #ccg ig edit

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leclercdream · 1 year ago

Text

tell me who i am pt.3

pairing: daniel ricciardo x reader

when in austin everything comes crashing down on reader because people on the internet are mean af

author's note: not much going on in this chapter bc of picture limit haha, will probably upload part 4 after the gp so i have more social media content!

tw: slut shaming

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4

yourusername

liked by danielricciardo, lilymhe, charles_leclerc and 182,325 others

yourusername: im damned if i do give a damn what people say

tagged: danielricciardo, alexandrasaintmleux, landonorris, friend1, friend2, friend3

view all 55 comments

danielricciardo: there’s just no reason for you to be this fine

danielricciardo: wow

danielricciardo: marry me

↳ yourusername: brb crying

landonorris: ew

↳ yourusername: shut up this is your fault

lilymhe: you are glowing!!

↳ alexandrasaintmleux: oh trust me, she is being well taken care of, thats why

↳ friend1: yeah we can all hear it

↳ yourusername: jealous bitches

comments in this post have been limited

danielricciardo

liked by landonorris, alexandrasaintmleux, kellypiquet and 439,234 others

danielricciardo: As many of you know, this is my girlfriend y/n. We have been dating for 3 years now and she is not only my girlfriend but also my best friend, biggest supporter and the love of my life. For some unknown reason many of you have taken upon yourselves to leave hateful comments on her social media, even taken it as far as saying stuff to her face at the GPs she attended. Do not slut shame women for being proud of their bodies and feel comfortable with it. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to look. yourusername happens to be one of the people I know, that being one of the main reasons I fell in love with her. She is passionate, selfless, funny, caring, beautiful. So please, if you consider yourself a fan of mine and have ever treated her like less than any of that, you are not welcome here.

Any hate comments, threats or anything slightly disrepectful will be deleted and blocked. If you treat the people I love like that, you are not my fan.

Thank you for the tattoo baby!

tagged: yourusername

view all 24 comments

landonorris: imagine having a girlfriend that gets a tattoo because of you

↳ yourusername: you will never know ha

↳ landonorris: haha so funny!!

landonorris: jokes aside, hate comments are NOT welcome on my profile either. y/n is my best friend and i love her (dont let this get to your head PLEASE) so i wont tolerate any hate towards her.

liked by danielricciardo and yourusername

maxverstappen1: 🧡

alexandrasaintmleux: love you guys!

charles_leclerc: You guys are amazing, see you in a few days!

yourusername: i love you sososo much 🍯🦡 you are the love of my life!!!

yourusername: how did i get SO lucky

yourusername: thank you so much for this

comments in this post have been limited

landonorris

liked by danielricciardo, yourusername, maxverstappen1 and 637,231 others

landonorris: Nothing better than a few days with friends.

tagged: danielricciardo, alexandrasaintmleux, yourusername, maxfewtrell, friend1, friend2, friend3

view all 1,425 comments

yourusername: low quality lando.jpg

↳ landonorris: its because i have a low quality model

↳ yourusername: yourself?

↳ landonorris: shut up

maxfewtrell: bob stop drinking you have media day tomorrow

↳ danielricciardo: time for a break i guess

user1: kinda love this friend group

user2: 8 pretty best friends

user3: the switch all of you had after daniels post lol

↳ user4: i mean it was about time they left the poor girl alone

taglist: @urmotheris @minkyungseokie @dhhdhsiavdhaj @dl-yum @1655clean @skepvids @forevercaffeinated-lee @laneyspaulding19 @dark-night-sky-99 @bibissparkless @crlsummer

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natailiatulls07 · 1 year ago

Note

Do you have anymore platonic fics in those drafts of yours 👀

The f1 fandom has a severe drought of those and your my supplier lol

The Menace

Austin Butler x female!reader Formula one grid & female!driver!reader

Summary - After Y/n’s boyfriend cheated on her, she really had that post break up glow!!

Warning - swearing, alcohol, cheating, break ups

A/n - Your wish is my command, currently sat in the hairdressers with toner on lolll 😚

Few notes -

1. No shame to Austin Butler

2. Face claim is Kaia Gerber

3. Reader drives for Ferrari, taking Carlos’ spot

f1gossip

Rumour has it: Ferrari driver Y/n L/n and her boyfriend, actor Austin Butler have been rumoured to be broken up after Butler was seen in a club just outside of London Soho. L/n had to dnf from the Sunday race in São Paulo last weekend after her car suffered some mechanical damage in the formation lap.

Liked by username and 2,836 others

username After the season Y/n had this year in Ferrari, she doesn’t deserve this!!!

username Oooo he has fucked up!

= username Lost a rare find, he’ll never find one like herrrr

username Y/n just get with me, I’ll treat you right😚

f1gossip

Rumour has it: After it was rumoured that Ferrari driver Y/n L/n and actor Austin Butler had broken up, L/n was seen this morning supposedly with bloodshot and puffy eyes on the streets of not so sunny Monte Carlo. With a few days to go until the new Las Vegas Grand Prix, how will Y/n spend her short time off?

Liked by username and 3,922 others

username Poor girl is going through a breakup but paparazzi still want to barge into her busy, disgusting 😒

username She still slays tho!!

username I would say she’ll get redemption in Vegas but with the car atm I highly doubt

= username AGREED

username Hoping for a post break up glow 🥹

= username OMFG CAN YOU IMAGINE 🥵🤤

scuderiaferrari

Las Vegas…we’re coming for you

Liked by f1 and 87,926 others

username Hoping for a good Ferrari weekend pleaseee

username After Y/n’s break up she deserves a miracle this weekend 🙌🏻

username Charles what are you wearing??? 😃

username Just wait it we all see Austin crawling back for her, just you wait!!

username Polar opposites, Charles all dressed up and Y/n keeping it simple but effective

username Please someone beat Max and get first PLEASEEE

yourusername

Any boys in Las Vegas, I’m here early but please no Elvis 🤮

Liked by georgerussell and 107,936 others

username YOOO MISS GURL

username She really out here shaming him publicly. Love it 😍

landonorris And this is why we call you the menace

= yourusername So glad I live up to the name 😋

username austinbutler Look what you missed out on loll

username Not her mentioning his biggest role and then putting a throwing up emoji next to it LMAO

maxverstappen1 Y/n don’t get to crazy

= yourusername No promises 😇

= danielricciardo She is definitely going to get black out drunk tonight omfg

= maxverstappen1 100%

austinbutler

Never really liked red Ferrari, it’s tacky and old fashioned

Liked by username and 54,926 others

username Oh shit he’s fighting back!!

username Their pr teams are gonna be so annoyed with both of them frrr

username Patiently waiting for mother to put him in his rightful spot 😌

yourusername Everyone is a ferrari fan, even if they say they’re not, they are Ferrari fans - Sebastian Vettel 😚

~~ Liked by sebastianvettel and 123,037 others

username OMFG SHE SNAPPED BACKKK

username The Menace is back at it again!! 🙌🏻🙌🏻

charles_leclerc Sort yourself out mate

~~ Liked by yourusername and 109,935 others

username Not both Ferrari drivers clapping back LMAO

yourusername

Babes get over yourself 🍾

Liked by lewishamilton and 113,025 others

username Girl really said ‘Calm your fucking ego down’ 🙌🏻

username LOVING THIS 🤍🤍

username Hot ass female driver and some random drivers

sebastianvettel Loved see the grid again, thank you

= yourusername Always 🫶🏻

username austinbutler

username You just know that Y/n and Lewis were best dressed there!! Hands down!!

mickschumacher You definitely brought the party 👏🏻👏🏻

= yourusername It’s my job Mickey!!

username THE CAPTION She really is the menace!!! 🤩

f1 posted a story

username FERRARI DRIVERS ARE SERVING CUNT OMFG 😍😍

username Y/n is really showing her really style and I’m living for itttt

username THE HAIR SUNGLASSES MAKEUP AND WHOLE OUTFIT 🥵🥵

username Charles really let her have spot light and rightfully so!!!

username Austin really fumbleddd

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austinslounge · 4 months ago

Text

Source

In case some people need to be reminded of what the REAL Elvis sounded like 😒

Austin does not sound like Elvis! I'm sick and tired of people continuing to bring up this tired old topic over and over again, especially in 2024. 🙄

Austin's voice as an adult man has always been deep. In fact, I think Austin's voice is actually deeper than the real Elvis' voice was tbh. 👀

Also, he's admitted that he's a smoker, and that he may have damaged his vocal chords while prepping and filming for the singing portions of the Elvis role. Add on to that, he was in "Elvis mode" for like 3 years of his life. Sometimes, voice inflection sticks for a little while.

Actress Angela Bassett said that the same thing happened to her when she played Tina Turner in the "What's Love Got to Do With It" biopic. This actually happens more commonly to actors than people realize.

Instead of having compassion and understanding for this man, many people online have resorted to being mean and have been out here bullying this poor guy to death about this nonsense "Elvis voice" thing since 2022.🙄 It's annoying, and not to mention, immature.

Austin's voice has always been deep and even slightly raspy, especially as he got older. Anyone who's watched "The Carrie Diaries" knows what I'm talking about lol. 😅

So I really wish that Hollywood, and people online would give this thing a rest. It's really not funny (never really was tbh), and Austin has already expressed that he's a little uncomfortable with the "Elvis voice" discourse. I wish people would leave him alone, recognize that it's not something he's put on, and just respect his feelings. 😔

#austin butler #Elvis #enough with this already! 🙄

92 notes · View notes

netherfeildren · 2 years ago

Text

Someone's Wife in the Boat of Someone's Husband .1

Series Masterlist : Moodboard

(Joel Miller x F!Reader)

Summary: What do you do when you meet a woman, have a child, get married, and then find the love of your life?

-OR-

A Joel infidelity AU

Content Warnings: Discussions of alcoholism and parent death.

Rating: Explicit 18+

A/N: Hi, everyone. Welcome to the new story.

Disclaimer to begin with. Joel is married in this, but it is, and always has been, a marriage of convenience. There has never been any sort of emotional or physical intimacy between him and his wife apart from when Sarah was conceived.

Like always, I promise there will be a happy ending, and that there will be lots of other fun :) stuff to make up for the occasional tears.

I appreciate you all so much. Happy (lol I guess) reading. xx

Art is The pain that keeps on giving, Noelia Towers, (2018-2019). Title of the story comes from this film.

Word Count: 6.8K

Read on AO3

Life changes in the instant. The ordinary instant.

Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking

The first time you’d fucked, it was like you’d never been touched by a man before. The first time he’d looked at you, like you’d never been seen, in the entirety of your existence, prior to that moment. Every other time after that, every touch, every look, was the same – a rebirth of sorts. And a devastation. Something not to be understood or conceptualized, only experienced.

Taking that into account, it’s no surprise that things unfolded as they did – ended as they did.

“Please, please, come with us,” Gerri drags the vowels out and hits you with the puppy dog eyes. You shake your head at her, smiling, packing up your supplies from tonight’s lesson. “It’s going to be so fun, I promise. Tommy’s sister-in-law hates my guts, I know, what-fucking-ever, but my sister and her girlfriend will be there, and my best friend’s planning on coming too. And there’s an extra bedroom, it’ll be perfect, I swear.”

“Yeah, I remember the sister-in-law from Easter.” Of course you remember her from that day. Gerri had invited you to their family barbecue, and the woman had pitched a fit that Tommy’s girlfriend, somehow posed as an insult, had dared invite someone without asking her permission first. It was also the first time you’d met him. And he was, by far and large, the reason you’d stayed away and evaded all subsequent invitations since then. Even if his wife had unapologetically said to your face that she found it crazy that people still party crashed, no matter that that hadn’t been what you’d meant to do, hadn’t known you were party crashing. She’d also thrown away the bunny cake you’d stayed up the entire night before making. No gluten in the house or something, even though the hamburger and hot dog buns had all been regular.

“Oh my fucking God, Easter. Don’t even remind me. I know, I know.” She gives you a pointed look and you huff a laugh at her. “But that was months ago. Her and Joel were on the outs then, or… had just gotten back together… I can’t ever keep up. And well… they’re still on the outs now–” She scrunches up her face into the cutest little frown. You love Gerri so much. From the first moment she’d shown up for your Tuesday night ceramics class at the community college, she’d immediately decided that not only were you going to propel her into the upper echelons of the great sculptors of the world, the greater Austin area – her words, not yours, but she’d also immediately decided that you were going to be friends, and no, you did not have a choice in the matter.

“But they’re always on the outs. And things haven’t been as bad recently – according to Tommy. But honestly the fuck does he know about all that anyways. My poor baby is so clueless – but still, please, please please,” she begs, pouts your name over and over again. “Please, come with us?” She brings her clasped hands up under her chin in a pleading gesture, hits you with the puppy dog eyes again.

You were so grateful for her. Despite your recalcitrance, it’d always been hard for you to make friends. A byproduct of who your mother was, being an only child, a largely solitary upbringing, et cetera, et cetera. You’d needed Gerri’s tenacious spark and kindness to pull you out of your shell. She wanted you to join her, her boyfriend Tommy, and their friends and family at a house they’d rented on Lake Austin for the weekend as a sort of end of summer farewell. And you did – you wanted to go, bunny cake murdering sister-in-law and all, but there was the issue of him.

You were… there was not a single phrase for what it was your mind turned into when that man and his name and his face invaded your psyche. So you’d done your best to avoid him in your mind and in real life, at all costs. He was – he was not something you were capable of considering.

“I’m not sure if I can, Ger–” you say slowly, wracking your brain for an excuse. “There was– one of the other teachers at the elementary school–” Your day job, when you weren’t teaching night class ceramics, was as an elementary school art teacher, “Asked if I’d cover for them on Friday – summer school.” Stupid excuse, you roll your eyes at yourself.

“Oh, shut up. The summer camp classes end early – you told me that last time! You could drive up after.” She sidles up to you now, rests her curly haired head on your shoulder. “Please, you’ve said no to everything I’ve invited you to since Easter. You aren’t avoiding me because of the shitshow that was, are you?”

“No, of course not.” Yes, yes you were. Just not for the reason she thought. “I would just hate to impose–”

“You wouldn’t! I swear you wouldn’t be!”

“You all already have your plan, and I–”

“No! No. My sister’s the one renting the house, and she said I could invite whoever I wanted. So, no one can say anything,” she sticks her tongue out, rolling her eyes. “And Joel said I should invite you too. I’m pretty sure he still feels badly about last time also.” Fucking hell, you did not want him feeling bad for you. At all. Ever. You did not want him ever thinking about you ever, ever, ever.

You stand over the kitchen trash bin, staring at your destroyed cake. Your grandmother used to make it every Easter. Four separate cake loaves all cut into the shapes for a face, two big pointy ears, and a cute little bow tie, with a pineapple filling, and all covered in little flakes of coconut and your homemade vanilla frosting. You used jelly beans to make the eyes and nose and dark frosting out of a piping bag for the whiskers and mouth. It was your favorite cake, one of your favorite memories, one of the only good ones.

“Fucking Christ, she did not throw it away. Please, don’t tell me that’s the cake you brought.” Large hand gently placed between the wings of your shoulder blades to peer around you, not touching, but still there, still very close, and yes, that’s it, you’ve gotta get the fuck out of there now, away from this man.

“Oh, no. It’s okay – I– I mean– I should’ve asked before. I didn’t know you all were gluten free. I should’ve asked…”

“What? Glu–” he frowns. You knew his wife, Eva, had made that up. You step away from him, from his large warm palm that feels like it’s burning through your clothes and skin. He was really, really and truly the most unfairly gorgeous man you’d ever seen. He fucking terrified you. “Oh, yeah. The gluten.” He went along with the lie, passing the offending palm over his mouth, the wiry scruff of his beard rasping softly against what you imagined to be work roughened skin. He’d said he was a contractor.

Gerri had invited you to her boyfriend's brother’s house for the Easter holiday. It was the first invitation to something you’d gotten since you’d moved to Austin six months ago, and you’d been so, so happy that she’d asked, had felt so sad you’d not have anyone to share your cake with. You’d planned to take it to work with you to leave in the teacher’s lounge for everyone to share. The thought had made the back of your eyes pinch, for some reason.

“It’s alright. I actually need to head out. Could you let Gerri know? I– I’m–” you couldn’t think of a lie, and he was staring at you like he knew you had no real excuse – like he knew you were uncomfortable and out of place and were just looking for an excuse to leave. Embarrassment burned in your cheeks.

“Don’t go, please. Stay for a while longer. I’m – fuck– I apologize about the cake–”

“No, no– really it’s–” you held out a staying hand, but he’d cut off your false appeasement.

“Please, stay.” He’d taken a step forward, closer to your retreating form, and you’d felt almost faint, dizzy at the image of him stepping closer to you. He was so tall, huge really, broad chest, thick arms, dark, lush curls and a scruffy jaw, a peek of chest hair covering the tantalizing golden skin at the opened button of his shirt. Sexy, deep Southern twang. The loveliest, warmest eyes you think you’d ever probably seen. You were going to try and mix the exact color of them when you got home, even though you knew you shouldn’t. You hadn’t been interested in a man in months, maybe longer, couldn’t remember the last time you’d had a crush, an anything on anyone, and now this man. Suddenly, blindingly, out of fucking nowhere – so damn attractive. Your eyes had fluttered shut for a second and you’d swallowed, trying to regain your balance – you’d known him for all of two hours and he already made you feel unbalanced. You needed to leave.

“Really, Joel,” his name on your tongue almost had a taste, “It’s okay.”

“He– He did?” you stutter. “He shouldn’t feel bad – he has nothing to feel bad about, it was nothing.” Lie – lie, lie, lie. Meeting him that day had been – it had been everything. You’d thought about it, him, for months afterwards. The sight of him with his three year old daughter, Sarah, the sweetest little thing you’d ever seen. Helping her hunt for the Easter eggs he’d hidden around their backyard, letting her crack the bright confetti filled shells over his head. His excitement for her when she’d finally found the basket he’d made up for her. He was a good father.

“Yeah, and Tommy said he’d like to see you again too. And I told my sister about you, and she thinks all my pottery’s fucking amazing, by the way, and she wants to meet you too, and she’s even thinking of enrolling in the class next semester so really, really you’re obligated to come.” Fucking menace – she smiles sweetly.

“Oh, fine. Fine, fine. I’ll come.” You’re putting away the last of your tools. “I’ll drive up Friday afternoon when I’m done at the school.”

Immediate hopping squeals, and this is why you love her. She’s so happy, so open and silly, friendly and funny. All the things opposite to your restrained quiet, shy to the point of aggravation, sometimes. You didn’t want your constant refusals to alienate her. You could see him again, it would be fine. You’d met him once for Christ’s sake. It meant nothing. It had probably been nothing that day, heat exhaustion or a stomach ache or something. Nothing to fawn and stress over. You’d just be polite, cordial, keep your distance – especially from his wife. You did not, did not want to provoke her greater dislike. You’d keep your unwanted baking to yourself this time. It would all be fine. You wanted these people to like you, if you were being honest. A little desperately. Gerri and Tommy, her sister you hadn’t yet met – you wanted to be part of their group, one of their friends. They were all so kind, welcoming and fun, you couldn’t ruin this for yourself.

Gerri had spilled the beans on the marriage over one afternoon of too many Mexican martini’s, an Austin specialty, and chips and salsa. They’d gotten married three years ago after Eva had gotten unexpectedly pregnant. Joel was traditional, he’d asked and eventually she’d agreed. They were both older than you, he’d just turned forty recently, and you guessed it’d made sense for them, at the time, but she’d left them soon after Sarah had been born. The marriage, the baby, hadn’t been in her plans, too much for her, Gerri said. They’d been separated for about a year and a half until she’d come back. They seemed to be trying to work it out now. Gerri claimed they were both miserable. You’d only met them the once – well, you’d seen Joel a few weeks ago, from a distance, when Tommy’d come to drop something off for Gerri before class, sitting in their truck. You don’t think he’d seen you – but you thought that their misery was very obviously apparent in that way that was easily recognizable to someone who, at one point, had existed in a house made only of misery. It breaks your heart for them all, in different ways, to recognize that singular brand of dissatisfaction that comes with living in a home where no happiness resided with you.

But the reality of his marriage made you all the more terrified of him. To ever see him again. You wanted no part of that. Didn’t even want to exist in the same vicinity as someone who was experiencing something of that nature. You’d had enough of unhappy marriages and painful households in your own childhood. You never wanted to deal with that again.

You’d read once that infidelity was a hereditary trait. Studies had shown that if you’d had a parent or even a sibling, someone in your household during your development, who’d been unfaithful, you were then more likely to also be unfaithful yourself. Something about that sort of childhood trauma inciting a propensity in the offspring to find it difficult to later on trust romantic partners, to incite trust themselves. Trust issues, emotional unavailability, baggage, blah, blah. Sometimes nature versus nurture was a real bitch, in your opinion.

But as much as you wanted to call bullshit, the thought, the possibility of that being true, filled you with such an intense fear — debilitating, paralyzing, life altering. You found yourself with an immense inability to trust yourself, more than anything. Your greatest fear, the thing that scared you the most in all the world, was that you would be the perpetrator, that you would be the one to commit that sin. That you’d lose control, self awareness, morality, yourself. It wasn’t something your mind could even come to terms with, the possibility of hurting another person that way, betraying them in that manner. It seemed like the worst possible thing in the entire world that you could ever do to someone. After all, you’d watched your mother do it to your father, over and over again, your entire life, up until the point that she’d up and left the both of you. For many years, after her fateful abandoning, you’d watched him drink himself into a stupor and then into a grave. Years of waiting for her to come back, in love with a ghost or a figment of his imagination, for the woman he’d made her out to be, within the ever forgiving and naive confines of his love, had never existed. Something you could see, even through the lenses of your child eyes.

She was an eternally flawed woman. Selfish, vain, manipulative, deceitful, but there was good in her too. She was eccentric and beautiful, and she could be kind, so funny, and immensely intelligent, her mind and wit, always sharp as a whip. It was, you thought, what made her so talented at deceiving others, at getting her way. She outsmarted everyone she came into contact with. But she was also weak and self serving, had never met anyone, in all her life, who she loved more than she loved herself. Not even you. Sometimes, you thought, especially not you. For you were the living reminder of all she’d lost and been forced to give up. It was a difficult, complicated, painful relationship you had with her, even now, all these years later.

After she’d left, she’d kept in contact with you sparingly. The occasional call or birthday card. It had taken her three years to feel like seeing you again after she’d left when you were ten. The pains and awkwardness of puberty long started, endured on your own, before she’d even had the foresight to remember she had a daughter who might need her. It was an exceedingly painful and lonely time for a young girl to survive on her own, but you bore it, as you did the entirety of the fallout that came with her leaving.

Your father was another story entirely. He’d fallen to pieces, completely, the day she’d left and had never had the strength of will to ever pull himself together again. It was a strange sort of existence the two of you had lived in those years, keeping each other company. Physically, he was there, but he was never present, never sentient. He drowned, for years and years, in a sea of pain and liquor, and he never resurfaced. You watched him sink, a young girl incapable of comprehending or acting in a way that could’ve helped him, as much as you wanted to or even tried, all of it was futile. Eventually he hit the bottom of the ocean and died there, and you were left more alone than ever.

You remember there’d only been four people, in total, at his funeral. You and two men from the shithole bar he liked to lose himself at every week and the priest. It was a terribly painful thing to live through on your own. Humiliating in a very specific and acute way, for some reason. To know that this sad, pathetic specimen of a human being had had a hand in creating you, to know that he was your father and that you loved him, despite his weakness, his vices, his lack of care for you, you loved him. And you felt interminably sorry for the creature he’d been turned into at the hands of an uncaring and poisonous love. You hadn’t been able to tell her for ten months, after he’d been dead in the ground, that he’d passed. She’d not called, didn’t like giving you her number, said she was too busy to have to worry about you calling her at all hours of the day, as if you’d asked her for a single thing in the decade since she’d left.

And you loved your mother, even after it all, you did, but it was a poignantly devastating moment, the day you realized she was not just your mother, but her own person, as well. The day that childlike naivety, unconscious self centeredness, was cast away to realize that she was savagely flawed and human, and that she did bad things that hurt good people. And still, and still she was your mother and you loved her. Your greatest influence, the hand that shaped you, and you loved her despite everything. It was only that, after the rose tinted glasses had been ripped away, and she was only then herself, nothing more – pedestal forsaken – she was just a flawed woman who sometimes made mistakes, made the wrong choices, hurt you and your father and fractured your family. That was a hard thing to come to terms with as a young girl.

You realized now, with the lifetime of experience she’d inherited to you, that motherhood built a pedestal and a grave, all at once, over and over again. A woman could vacillate between being the Madonna and the whore, and the cycle was inescapable and destructive and enticing, all at the same time. It was something that one could try to avoid or run away from, but many times, it caught up to most, hooked its claws in you and dragged you away from the things you would’ve wanted or done otherwise. You realized this was what had happened to her. She’d never been built for motherhood, for the responsibility of raising a child, so she’d desecrated the altar of it, taken a sledgehammer to it and freed herself in the only way she saw she could, collateral damage be damned.

And so you’d isolated yourself, for the thought of doing the same thing to someone that you might have loved or someone that loved you, was soul destroying. And that was the saddest part of this whole overly cliché tragedy – that you were sure that, at a certain point in her life, she’d loved your father, as well. Perhaps not enough, not enough to change who she was, what she really wanted, but she had loved him in her own way, nevertheless.

Parallel to the tragedy was the ironic reality that in some very safely guarded part of you, you longed so, so desperately for your own chance at a happy family, love, children. How could you not? When you’d never experienced it for yourself during your own childhood. Always having to make your own meals, get yourself ready for school, alone at ten years old, walking to the bus unaccompanied, no one ever waiting for you, expecting you, watching over you. Alone, alone, always alone. How could you not want to build your own normal, loving, happy family for yourself? You wanted it very badly.

But there was also no part of you that felt, in the most vital ways, capable of showing your underbelly in such a vulnerable way. You had always been too sensitive, a weeper from a long line of weepers, and the second thing you were most terrified of, after turning into your own mother, was being left again, abandoned to another derelict and lonely childhood. So your aloneness suited you, for now. At least, in terms of your romantic life. Your isolation kept you safe, guarded from those that would savage the sensitive and salted battleground that was your heart.

That, however, did not mean that you were immune to wanting, to the disease of yearning, of desire, and so you found it most unfortunate, cosmically laughable and cruel, that it would be this man, this married, beautiful, entirely unattainable man, that would have reminded you of that desire again, after it had lain dormant for so long: Joel.

Joel tried to think of you only in the moments when he was feeling particularly strong. It was a challenge he’d set for himself from that day, all those months ago, when you’d appeared at his house on Easter. Like a fucking angel or a creature out of a fairy book. Soft and luminous and so fucking pretty. No, Joel tried very, very hard not to think of you.

He failed often, though. He’d not forgotten you since that day. Had tried to fish, as subtly as possible, through Tommy, for information. See if he’d heard anything about you from Gerri. Any new details or gossip about the pretty little art teacher. Tommy was a terrible goddamn gossip, like a clucking hen. And Joel knew, he knew empirically, that thinking of you was wrong. That he had a wife that he needed to be respectful of, even if she was never respectful of him, fucking her coworker – or had been… still was — he couldn’t keep track anymore – didn’t really care, if he was being honest. But you, you were the one small, private thing he kept for himself. The thought of you, the image of you in his mind, you were only for his moments of great necessity. You’d been so sweet that afternoon, walking into his home with your bunny cake. That fucking cake haunted him – the look in your eyes as he watched you stand over the trashcan staring at it. He’d been so scared you’d start crying, that he’d have to comfort you, that he’d be able to take you into his arms. He’d been terrified of what would become of him if he’d gotten the opportunity to feel you like that. But no, you’d left. Made up some weak excuse he knew you could see he didn’t buy, and had quietly left, not even saying goodbye to the others. He’d had a terrible one-sided argument with Eva that night. Told her she’d been unnecessarily rude and cruel, doing that to a complete stranger who was just trying to be nice. She hadn’t batted a single eyelash, all his frustration going in one ear and out the other.

He could, to a certain degree, understand where her behavior came from. He knew she was unhappy, he knew she hated their life together. That it was nothing like what she’d ever envisioned for herself, and so she acted out sometimes. At his age, he found now, that you couldn’t ever really fault a person for not being what they’d never been meant to be. He understood this, had accepted that his marriage would never be of the happy or intimate sort. That Eva had never wanted to be a mother, but had felt trapped by circumstance. He dealt with it. Or ignored it. Avoided looking directly at the ugly reality of it, more like. He had Sarah and work and Tommy, and now that his brother was with Gerri things had gotten a little better, happier for the family. She was a good addition – kind and spunky. She was good for his brother, and he was happy for them.

But the day he’d met you – it had made a savage claw of want gouge through his entrails. He’d not remembered the last time he’d wanted something the way he did when he watched you walk out into the backyard long hair shimmering in the sun, and a nervous flush sweeping over the apples of your cheeks. And even if he’d been unattached, free to pursue you like he liked to dream about sometimes, you were so young – much too young and pretty for an old, washed up, has-been like him. But he could imagine it, like he’d said, only when he was feeling particularly strong. Or maybe particularly weak. He couldn’t keep track of which was safer anymore. When the years and work and responsibilities and grief and loneliness surged up too high and overwhelming for him to bear, he liked to think of you in that little yellow sundress. Wonder what it’d be like to be a younger man, to have met you first. A bad, selfish, terrible thought to have. But just in the quiet privacy of his mind, when he needed a small something to make him feel just a little better – he liked to think of you.

The only other time he’d seen you, once when Tommy’d had to drop something for Gerri at the college, he’d insisted on tagging along. Hoping he’d maybe be lucky enough to get a glimpse of you, and oh, he’d been so, so rewarded. You’d been carrying a stack of supplies from your car into the building, one of those spiky things women wore twisted in your hair to keep it up, wisps of your long, heavy locks escaping the knot, and a little, red, spaghetti strapped top. The thin of it on your shoulder had slipped off the delicate wing of your clavicle as you balanced everything you’d carried in your arms and tried to kick your car door closed at the same time. It’d taken everything in him, all the self control he possessed, not to sprint over to you and offer to help you, to fall to his knees at your feet. You’d blown a strand of your hair out of your face, the cutest expression of frustration scrunching your brow. His gut had twisted almost painfully with yearning. He hadn’t even known he was capable of fucking yearning, but he sure as hell did now. He felt it sharply, piercingly, like a knife to the gut. He’d met you once for Christ’s sake, seen you in person only twice, but you plagued him, you plagued him.

He knew it was probably partially a symptom of how alone he was. Lonely to his very core. His marriage had never been a real one, no closeness, no intimacy. A byproduct born of one drunken night, and Joel’s need to do the right thing, give his child a stable home with two parents and all the love he could give her. And Sarah, Sarah was the greatest gift that he’d ever been given. This perfect little person that he still, three years later, could not believe had come from a piece of him.

He’d told Eva that he’d do whatever she wanted, would accept whatever she’d chosen when she’d first realized she was pregnant. She’d refused the alternative route vehemently, and so he’d never suggested it again. If he was being honest, he’d been happy when he’d found out, in some small way. The situation wasn’t ideal, of course, they’d been veritable strangers at that point, but he’d been thirty seven, at the time, and he liked the idea of children. Eva was attractive and intelligent. He’d proposed immediately, gone out and gotten a ring and gotten down on one knee. He’d naively thought that perhaps, eventually, with time, they might grow closer. That idea was squashed quickly. She’d made it clear that she’d never wanted to marry him, but she also didn’t want to go at it alone, knew he was responsible and reliable, and so she’d accepted. And perhaps, he should have tried harder to win her over afterwards, but if he was being as honest as he could be, he wasn’t very interested either, didn’t really mind the lack of intimacy with her. They just weren’t a good match.

She’d left a few months after she’d given birth. Ran off with some guy she’d met – only a note left saying she couldn’t do it anymore. He hadn’t tried to go after her, hadn’t tried to bring her back or look for her. A better man probably would have, would have fought for his wife, for the mother of his child. But he’d never loved her, not even close, and so he’d taken care of his baby girl, had tried to be everything she needed and worked as hard as he could so that she’d never want for anything. Eva had come back after about a year and a half – her affair had run its course, and she’d said she wanted to try again with Sarah, that she’d made a mistake, wanted to be part of her daughter’s life. Of course he’d let her come back. He wanted Sarah to have a mother that was present, to have everything a child should have. And afterall, it was no hardship for him personally. She didn’t want a relationship with him, only Sarah. And so they’d settled into this strange agreement of co-parents slash roommates who just happened to be married. Eva liked to keep pretenses up, so they did the occasional family thing together. Especially now that Tommy was with Gerri, she liked to pretend at the double date thing, occasionally. Even though Eva couldn’t stand the poor girl. It was a pieced together sort of life, but it was better than what some had, and Sarah had her mother. He couldn’t complain.

But he did like to imagine a sort of alternative sometimes – something different, less lonely. He could tell she was going to leave again soon, more unsatisfied and frustrated and restless than ever. He couldn’t even find it in himself to resent her for it, it only hurt him for Sarah’s sake, for he didn’t think she’d be coming back this time.

It hadn’t been such a bad idea to come after all, you think, as you lounge on the dock by the lake. The sun is strong but not burning – warm and soothing. It feels like there are ghost fingers stroking all along the bare skin of your arms and legs. Gerri had made a pitcher of sangria and you were slightly tipsy off it now. A light weight, through and through.

The house they’d rented was gorgeous. All exposed wood and big glass windows right on the lakefront. Gerri’s sister was a doctor – a spine surgeon or something really fancy. She’d rented the house and invited all of you – no chance for Joel’s wife to be pissed off that you’d tagged along.

There were large boxes of the loveliest white hydrangeas along one side of the dock. The sweet scent of them drifting around you as you lounged on the chair you’d planted yourself in with your sangria. Yes, this was a good idea. You’d managed to evade Joel and his wife in the hours you’d been here. Gerri and Tommy were great as always and her sister and her partner were so nice. You’d talked about the pottery class, she wanted to pick up a new hobby, trying out the whole work-life-balance thing, and she’d thought pottery’d be a good fit for her. She was planning on signing up for the next semester.

You’re slightly dozing now. The warm sun and sweet alcohol making you languorous and drowsy and all fizzy on the inside. You think you might be able to hear the breeze sliding through each individual blade of grass on the bank, whistling over the surface of the water, and you can’t stop picturing his arms in your mind, but you’re pretending to ignore that, or pretending the bulging, mouth-watering muscles, prominent veins running under the surface of his tan skin, dusted with a light coating of golden brown hair belonged to someone who was not him. He has the largest hands you’ve ever seen, and you wonder what one of them wrapped around your throat would feel like. Bad, inappropriate thoughts.

You have one arm slung above your head, resting at the crown of your scalp to partially shield the sensitive skin there from the strong sun when you feel a sudden piercing pain, right to the center of your palm. You shriek, jolting violently, glass of sangria falling and shattering on the deck and stumbling up out of your chair, sending it flying back topside. A wasp buzzes menacingly around you, and you shriek again, cracked and painful. The thing had stung you right in the center of your tender palm. You hear the quick paced steps of someone approaching, too distracted trying to evade the horrible thing when you hear Joel’s voice. “Stay still, it’s okay. I’ll get it.”

Your hand really, really hurts. You stop your swatting and feel the back of your eyes pinch, hot tears pooling in the corners. Not only is the sting incredibly painful, but you really hate bees, wasps, all the ugly mean things that buzz and sting. You can feel the slight tremble of your frame begin to take over as you try to patiently wait for him to get rid of it.

He comes closer, “It’s okay, he’s gone. Did it get you? C’mere, lemme see.”

You clutch the injured hand to your chest, try and scoot away from him shaking your head, but you get too near to the edge, and his hand shoots out to cup your elbow, other hand coming to circle your waist and turn you so you’re standing in the center, and he’s closer to the edge.

“No, no, it’s okay. It got you, lemme see it–” he gently circles his big rough palm on the thin of your wrist, and now you’re really shaking.

“It’s o–okay,” you hitch, you feel a tear slide down your cheek. Fucking embarrassing. “I’m okay, really. It’s nothing.” You try and pull your limb out of his grasp, but he pulls you closer. He says your name then, not necessarily sharply, but in the way of a rubber band snapping against your skin, a slightly jarring crack followed by a tingle, something that reverberates through your entire body.

Then gentle: “Just come here,” and coaxing. How could anyone ever say no to a voice like that. So deep, so patient. “Lemme see, it’s okay. No, don’t be scared. Lemme see, open your hand for me, sweetheart. I’ll be gentle, it’s okay,” his soothing voice over and over. Coaxing you into capitulation, into following his orders. He smooths his rough thumb gently, gently over the sides of your palm, coaxing your fingers to uncurl and let him see the hurt. “Oh, it’s alright. None of that trembling, sweet girl.” And then he brings your hand up to his hot, wet mouth and presses his lips to the wound, gently sucking. You can feel the wet of his tongue pass over it once, slowly sucking the venom out of your palm. You feel everything below your belly button go hot and liquid at the feel of his tongue on your skin. Oh, God, you want to feel that mouth everywhere, between your legs.

You think you let a jagged whimper claw its way out your throat, for his eyes flit to yours, a flash of heat igniting them. He pulls his mouth away, turns to spit, thumb gently brushing over the tender inside of your wrist. He says your name so softly. “That’s better. You’re okay. No tears.”

His large hands completely engulf yours. His fingers are thick and long, his nails clipped short and neat. Beautiful, masculine hands. Working hands. He doesn’t wear a ring. “We can get a clove of garlic on this,” he’s still cradling your limb, “Heard that’s good for stings.”

This is bad, bad, bad, bad. Not part of your plan to stay away from him at all. He’s staring at your cradled hand, his gaze trained on the way his own palm dwarfs yours. You feel his touch tighten for just a second, he brings his eyes back to yours, and you watch as a swallow passes through the strong column of his throat.

He called you sweetheart.

There are so many reasons why you know he’s dangerous to you, why you should stay away from him: his kindness, how competent he is — the way it seems like, no matter what in life could ever present itself to him, he’d be able to take it in, take care of it, fix it. He could handle anything. How fucking gorgeous he is, his hands, his face, his body, the dark curls, the slightest hint of silver threads beginning to appear through them, the deep dark eyes, but most of all, more than any other reason, the way he says your name — like the worst thing you’ve ever heard in your entire life, and also the loveliest. So soft and deep and soothing. A voice that could get a person to do anything, capitulate to anything, commit any crime.

And what was it about wanting something you should not want, could never have, that made you want it all the more? Rebellion of the highest order calls your name.

“Thank you,” you say quietly. He still has you clutched in his grasp, is staring at you almost in shock. You try to pull away and his grip tightens for one second, like he can’t bear the thought of letting you go, and then releases you, lets you pull your injured hand back into your chest.

“Alright?”

And you’re so disoriented by him, by his touch that you instinctively reply: “Yes. Are you?”

He looks confused for a second, shakes his head a little and then laughs, “Yeah – yeah, I’m okay, sweetheart.” He shouldn’t be calling you that, but it sounds so lovely coming out of his mouth. You’ll tell him to stop next time. It’s okay. Next time he says it you’ll tell him not to call you that anymore. Embarrassment burns your cheeks.

You shake your head, “Sorry, I–”

“It’s alright. No need to apologize. Let’s get you inside. Get somethin’ on that hand.”

You take a step back from him, and he matches it with one step of his own forward, like he isn’t planning on letting you run away. It makes the speed of your heart kick up a notch, a hummingbird fluttering within the confines of your chest. “No, really, it’s okay. I’ll ice it or something. I’m fine, honestly. Thank you for– for your help.” You feel like you’re blinking a hundred times a minute, the sun suddenly scorching, when just a moment ago it had been soft and warm.

You need to get away from him.

“Rubbin’ a garlic clove on it’s good for stings. There’s some in the kitchen, I’ll get it for you.” He reaches a hand out as if to take hold of you again, and you take two more steps away. This time he does not follow, you see the muscle of his jaw flutter.

“Really, Joel. It’s okay.” You feel like you’ve said these words to him before, like all your short acquaintanceship has consisted of, is you apologizing and running away, bowing out before it gets too scary or complicated or threatening. He probably thinks you’re an idiot. “Th– thank you for your help. I’m just gonna –” you hitch your thumb back towards the house, “I’m just going to go back inside. Sorry.”

He only nods, frozen on the dock as you walk away from him.

Chapter .2

Netherfeildren Masterlist

#someone's fic #joel miller #the last of us #joel miller the last of us #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller/reader #joel miller/you #joel miller imagine #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller angst #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us fic #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction

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softboo · 8 months ago

Text

love me, ever so gently - part II

pairing: austin x reader

summary: you recently moved to a new apartment, making some new eccentric friends along the way. but what you didn't expect was falling in love with a stranger. a stranger you somehow couldn't stop thinking about

words: 2.8k

warnings: more hints of domestic abuse, dark themes in relationships

author's note: soo i made a part II and i made it so quickly that it kinda blended into part III. i also want to say thank you to everyone who read part I because my heart melted. like i was already excited when it hit more than zero lol. but wow thank you so much!! it truly means the world :3 i hope you like this next part heh c:

previous part // next part

part II

you piled the books onto the cart, the last group needed for organizing before the store closed. today was pretty slow as customers came and went, but your thoughts were somewhere else. on someone else rather.

it's been almost a week since the fair and this stranger was eating away in your head. maybe some part of you wished you would see him again. but what were the odds of that happening? the days started to blend into each other and you were so afraid that if you stopped thinking about him, just even for a little bit, the memory would disappear.

the more time that passed, the less you thought he would show up again.

but you missed seeing him. you wished for anything just to talk to him just a little bit longer than the last. you felt crazy for feeling so attached to him, but there was something so pulling about him. the way he would listen to you talk about the stories you loved and hated. the way his eyes would just gaze right through you, like you were someone he had missed seeing.

oceans filled your head, the calm waters flowing through your heart. but knowing it was going to disappear just as quickly as it came.

because he was only temporary. the waters weren't yours to stay in.

the backdoor swung open and you heard george hobbling over at you, almost tipping you both off balance as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder.

"look who it is! my favorite girl!" he smiled, completely disrupting your last task before you had to close the store. he flashed a toothy grin as cassandra appeared right behind him.

"george please, you're going to fall on the poor girl." her tone annoyed, but with a hint of concern. "do me a favor and go to the storage room to get the books for the events before i throw something at you."

she shot him a glare before he waved goodbye to the both of you. cassandra came towards you, picking up a few of the novels on the cart to help you finish.

"you're still thinking about him, dear?"

you quickly turned your head to look at her, eyes widening at the sudden accusation.

"how did—?"

"sweetie, it's written all over your face. and you've had that same expression since the fair. i'm not clueless."

you gave her a weak smile, confirming exactly what she thought. you couldn't look at her now though, feeling as if she could see right through you if you did.

"am i crazy cassie?"

she let out a small chuckle, settling the last book down on its appropriate shelf. she shook her head.

"no, you're just being young. and there's nothing wrong with that." she reassured you, not realizing that she completely finished organizing the rest of your books.

"if he ever decides to show up again, then you'll have another chance with him. if not, then you learn to move on."

that last sentence was something a part of you didn't really want to accept. your heart was still holding on to that possibility. but the more days that passed since the fair, the more you wavered on your certainty.

~ ~

"there's only two new neighbors cassie... why did we make three welcome gifts?" evelyn stated, all four of you were now squeezed into your apartment, staring at the gifts on the kitchen counter.

"because the other one is for our favorite girl!" george exclaimed, jumping up to give you the last gift. cassandra swatted at his arm, glaring at him.

"you ruined the surprise." cassandra remarked, as you gave them a weak smile.

it's been almost a month now and the thought of you ever seeing him again was fading even more. you reassured them that you appreciated the surprise anyway and george pulled you into a hug.

"if i only knew it was for her, i would've baked more cookies." evelyn stated, but you truly did appreciate the gesture regardless. they all knew something was wrong for awhile, but cassandra was the only one that knew why.

"it's okay, thank you. really. i love the gift."

cassandra caressed your cheek again as evelyn added, "if anything, i can bake more tonight and stop by to drop them off."

you smiled and nodded. "i would love that."

evelyn gave you a warm smile with her rosy little cheeks. she loved cooking for all of you, even remembering the first time she gave you your personal welcome gift when you moved in. and you remember it vividly because george ate half of those cookies.

"alright let's go drop off these gifts," cassandra stated, "george and i will go downstairs. you two will go to the one across the hall."

you all held your respective gifts and walked to where you needed to go. you and evelyn approached the apartment, evelyn knocking on the door as you held onto the gift.

you could even smell the cookies inside as it fogged a bit of the plastic, knowing how much hard work evelyn put in them. george made the little welcome sign, cassandra wrote the card with all the events planned for the year, and you placed two books. each from the ones that the store no longer needed.

it took a while for someone to answer, evelyn had to knock a few times but soon enough, the door swung open and suddenly something caught in your throat.

there she was. the same dark haired woman from a month ago. you couldn't believe it, the fact that she was your new neighbor. the fact that you saw her a month later instead of him.

and the fact that she stood there, her eyes in flames as you both somehow were at fault for knocking on her door.

"how can i help you?"

her tone was dark, it almost felt like she spat at you. evelyn noticed the slight negative connotation in her voice and opened her mouth to speak, but you came in first.

"we just wanted to drop off a gift to welcome you to the building." you gritted through a fake smile and evelyn saw you tense up. she just couldn't figure out if it was from annoyance or something else.

"oh how thoughtful," her voice was so empty. there was nothing behind it other than wanting to push you both out of her apartment.

"we also added a list of events that happen in the building like a cooking class, taught by—"

"my boyfriend and i are not interested thank you."

she cut you off again and you felt that spark of a flame growing right inside your heart.

"i'll take the gift though," and the woman snatched the beautiful piece from your hands. "austin loves this kind of thing."

she gave you a big toothy grin, something that vaguely made you uneasy but also reminded you of a poorly painted clown. she didn't even say thank you before shutting the door on your faces.

you couldn't even fathom any words, just blankly stared at the closed door. you glanced over at evelyn who was as shocked as you, opening her mouth to speak.

"what a bitch."

~ ~

your mind was racing as you ate your dinner, your favorite tv show playing in the background. the thought of austin's girlfriend being your new neighbor placed a sour taste in your mouth. like you couldn't catch a breathe as the whole situation wrapped around your throat. you had no idea if austin was living with her, but if he was, you weren't sure if you could face him with her breathing down your neck.

or if she'd even allow him to be in the same vicinity as anyone else but her.

the things you saw during the fair flashed in your head, the bruise on his hand. the tight grip of her arm around his. you shook your head, doubting that that possibility could be even true.

but if it was...? you weren't sure how you would react.

a sudden knock on your door broke you from your thoughts as you slowly got up from your chair to check who it was. as you looked through the peephole, you didn't see anyone.

you hesitated for a moment before opening the door, to find something that shattered your heart into a million pieces.

your welcome gift was staring back at you from the floor. the plastic wrap was ruined and the sign was ripped. the card splattered with wine stains and the cookies looked like they were stepped on. the only thing that was missing were the books and the event page.

you had no idea what to do, all of your hard work. everyone's hard work was ruined. a kind gesture completely taken advantage of and it was fueling your hatred even more.

you tossed it to the side, gently placing as much of the gift together as you could before closing the door. you wondered if austin took those missing things. if he knew how badly his girlfriend was treating other people and if he was even aware of the hold she had on him.

maybe that part of you was right.

~ ~

you sat in your assigned seat, the second table from the center. evelyn was busy up in the front, preparing her demonstration table full of ingredients. the kitchen right behind her with all the other food items needed for their meal. you could see how nervous she was with the way she kept fidgeting the same utensils and pans, making sure it was facing a certain way.

george appeared from the kitchen entrance, carrying supply bags out so it was easier for the class to get what they needed. he was beyond ecstatic for this as he was not only going to see a huge turnout of people again, but he was excited for the secret batch of food evelyn promised she would make for them when this was over.

you noticed cassandra passing through, a sign up sheet in her hand and you noticed a compile of names, each having their own seat and assigned table.

"so why can't i look at the list of names?" you asked her when she passed your table. all she did was smile as she handed you your name tag.

"cassie, he's not going to come." you remarked and she shook her head at your negativity.

you weren't able to tell anyone about your suspicious, thinking it probably wasn't your place to begin with. it wasn't until evelyn talked about "the dark red haired bitch from 4B" that cassandra started to connect the dots.

you just weren't sure if they were connecting all the dots.

weeks passed since the incident and each passing event with him not being present made it harder to stop thinking about him. even so when he would put his name and not show up.

this was yet, another one of those times, which was why you were doubting cassandra's optimism.

"we'll see. you never know dear," she let out a soft smile, "but if he does, give him his name tag for me?"

she handed you the tag with austin written on it, just like she did for all the other events. and yet each time, your heart skyrocketed in hopes that he was actually going to show up.

soon enough, the class started and evelyn began her introduction. the turnout was quite a lot; families, some friend groups, a few couples, an empty table in the back, and you.

with one empty seat next to yours.

~ ~

you were halfway through rolling the dough when you heard the main entrance door open. you didn't really have time to look because your stupid dough wasn't flat enough.

but it wasn't until you heard the footsteps and the water that followed suit from the rain that your now empty seat was occupied.

and your heart stopped.

"hi i'm so sorry i'm late. i'm usually not like this," his voice wavered, he sounded so flustered and embarrassed. so different from when you first met him.

you finally had the courage to look at him and you saw those same calm waters in his eyes, except they weren't as blue anymore. it was muted, like a greyness overshadowing its true color.

he had a hat on that covered his wavy blonde hair and some kind of shadow near his eyes, but he no longer had a mask and you could've sworn you heard your heart beating against your ears.

you were so overwhelmed by who he actually was that no words came out so you could respond to him. a part of you was so grateful he didn't see you as he was so preoccupied with his mistake of being late.

and when he finally settled into his seat and placed his things down, he looked at the nametag you placed on his side of the table. he quickly pinned it on his sweater to hopefully catch up on what he missed.

"i'm austin," he introduced himself, hoping you would say something to him. anything.

"hi."

your voice was so meek compared to his, even when he was the one all flustered.

"how much did i miss?" his was soft, and somehow sounded like he was comforting you.

"oh um... just the mixing part. i have the dough ready, but i can't seem to..."

you stopped as you noticed yourself ramble, completely avoiding his gaze as you looked right at the roller and your very stubborn piece of dough.

you heard him chuckle and it made your heart flutter slightly.

"can i?"

you just nodded as he placed the dough in front of him, taking the roller to knead the whole piece out. it wasn't long until he flattened it to the perfect shape that he gave you a small smile. he even followed the next few instructions from evelyn, placing the dough into a pie crust pan.

"have you cooked before?" you asked him, as he noticed the way you looked extremely impressed. and something about your expression made him flustered all over again.

"not really, but i do love cooking. i even thought about becoming a chef."

"really?"

"yeah," he let out the softest little laugh, pressing against the dough to form the crust, "that's why i moved here. i wanted to take a break for awhile and learn about the things i love to do... like cooking."

"you live here?"

a part of you wished he wasn't going to say it, but you already knew his answer.

"yeah on the 4th floor, apartment 4B."

and your heart sank to the ground.

"do you live around the area too?" he asked curiously and you nodded absentmindedly.

"yeah, i think we're neighbors. i'm 4A."

and you could've sworn you saw the blueness come back in those storm covered oceans.

"really?"

"yeah..." you hesitated for a moment, debating whether or not you should say the next part, "my friend and i actually dropped off a welcome gift for you."

and the blueness left as fast as it came.

you bit your lip, scared he might react a certain way. you started to doubt yourself. what if he was the one that ruined the gift, not the girlfriend.

he paused for a moment, going quiet as he finished mending the dough in place.

and you panicked.

"i totally understand if you didn't like the gift."

"no i liked it... i liked it a lot actually."

there was something hanging in the air now and you felt this immense guilt that you ruined the whole thing. you've thought about meeting him again for months and now that the chance arose itself, it felt like you were sabatoging everything you ever wanted.

"whenever you're both done filling your pie and adding the top crust, you can go to the kitchen and place it in the oven," evelyn instructed, smiling at the both of you as she passed your table. she cut the tension between you two for just a moment before it all came crashing back again.

you filled the pie pan and topped everything with another dough crust. the silence wrapped around you two as you finished the pie completely.

"i'll put it in the oven," austin offered, but as he got up, he winced in pain, clutching at his torso.

and that was all the confirmation you needed.

"let me, it's okay."

you took the pie from him, his body settling down on the seat again. he seemed so exhausted all of a sudden, like he no longer had the energy to put up a front anymore.

and it killed you on the inside that you had to sit there and watch.

when you came back from the kitchen, you noticed he took off his hat to fix his hair.

and that's when you saw his eyes. just above his eyebrow was a bruise and few cuts, a small bandaid on his upper temple, right where the brim of the hat would be.

but what broke your heart was the way he no longer had those lights in his eyes anymore. he rubbed his face for just a moment and you saw something else stain his hands.

it was makeup.

#austin butler #austin butler fic #austin butler fanfiction #austin butler x you #austin butler x reader #fic writing #first fic #i want to cry #i hate him #romance fiction

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itsstrange · 1 year ago

Text

Pool Party

Fandom: Supernatural / The Boys

Relationship: Jensen Ackles x Reader

A/N: Had this idea when I woke up from bed lol idk I sometimes be getting the randomness ideas either in the shower or waking up from a dream, but I’m not complaining because they turn out to be loved by so many of you 😆

Summary: “Wanna go for a swim?” Just a harmless offer right? Nothing dangerous right?

Word Count: 5.7k

Warnings: Smut, 18+, Pool Sex, Fingering, Confessions, and once again 18+

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ENJOY 😉 🔥

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———————

(Y/n) walked back and forth in her home gathering everything she needed for the party and loaded them into her car. Extra bags of chips, couple gallons of sodas, some juice boxes for the little ones, cases of beers for the adults, her famous birthday cinnamon roll lasagna cake, and finally the gift for the birthday girl. Once she was sure everything was packed and ready to go, she grabs her keys, phone, a lollipop and is finally out the door.

The drive to his house was probably 15 to 20 minutes away from her, which was good for many reasons. If he needed a favor she was there in a matter of minutes, if she needed a favor he was there in under 10, maybe 15 if he had the little ones in his truck. Point is, the distance to his house from hers was perfect.

Finally arriving and pulling into the beautiful home, she notices how multiple cars were neatly parked inside the driveway. Some she recognized where some she didn’t, however, she did spy Jared’s red 2021 Ram parked near the entrance of the home and noticed how a reserved sign was near the truck, causing a scoff to escape from her. Of course he’d save a spot for her, he always made her park inside his home rather than out in the streets, said he felt ‘much more comfortable’ knowing her car was visible. Although, despite his dramatic-ness, (Y/n) couldn’t help the way her chest warmed up every time he cared for her. Even if it was the smallest things, her chest warmed up, as well as her heart fluttering uncontrollably. He just had that effect on her.

Once parking, she opens the trunk to start unloading the bags, however, just as she was about to grab the third bag a familiar voice settles beside her before another pair of hands is helping her with the dessert plate.

“Thanks Alan,” She tells Jensen’s father as he walks with her towards the entrance of the home,

“No problem kiddo, figured you needed a hand,”

“You saw me coming in?” She asks as they both make their way towards the kitchen,

He shakes his head, placing the plate on the counter, “Was actually heading towards my car to grab some sunglasses. Suns’ bright today,”

A chuckle leaves her lips as she places the bags on an empty space, “Sure is, heard it’s gonna be a hot one today,”

He shakes his head with a scoff, “It’s aiming for the 90’s,”

(Y/n) chuckles in disbelief. It wasn’t even summer yet and they’re already heading towards a heat wave. Gotta love Austin, Texas.

Heading back towards her car, she shuts the trunk and opens the back seat where the birthday present laid. Which literally engulfed her whole car from how big it is. She’s actually surprised she was even able to see from her rear mirror from how big the damn present was.

“Jesus Christ, you hunt down a bear or somethin?” Alan comments after watching her struggle in taking out a large, really large stuffed bear,

She chuckles as she pulls on the large foot, “Something like that. Went to five different places for this damn thing,”

The older man only chuckles at her with a shake of his head when she finally frees the stuffed bear from her small poor car. How exactly did she manage to stuff a 6 foot bear into her 8 series BMW? She wasn’t sure either, but she made it to the party, which was all that mattered. Locking her car and taking the stuffed bear, that nearly engulfed her, she heads back towards the home. Obviously she had help, Alan grabbed a hold of some part of the bear to prevent it from blocking her sight, otherwise she’d either walk into a wall or tripped over some stairs.

After convincing Alan she’d be able to make it to the living room without killing herself, he chuckles as he makes his way to the backyard just as she carefully makes her way down the small stairs that lead towards the living room, where she planned on leaving the bear for now. As she semi struggled to place the stuffed animal on the ground, that deep familiar voice she loves hearing, rings beautifully in her ears.

“Oh god, you actually got it,” It wasn’t even a question, it sounded more like if he was shocked but not shocked that a 6 foot bear was now being laid in the center of his living room,

A wide smile spreads on her face, even if the large stuffed animal hid it from him as she carefully placed it on the carpeted floor. Turning around with a wide smile, she excitedly points at the teddy.

“Pretty cool huh?” She looks back at the monstrosity, who had a large black bow tie around his neck,

Jensen hums in agreement, even if he definitely did not think so.

The moment JJ had asked for the bear Jensen knew her wish was gonna come true, because knowing (Y/n) all too well he knew she would happily deliver. Especially when she knew Jensen was against the whole idea, but even then, Jensen was never able to say no to either one of them.

“They actually had a bigger one, but that one wouldn’t have fit in my car,”

“How tall was the other one?” He furrows his brows at her, already having a horrifying picture of its height,

She shrugs her shoulders, “About 7 or 8 inches taller,”

Jensen only scoffs in disbelief, shaking his head with a smile tugging on his lips. He will never get tired, or use to her wild imaginations. She was unique, and he loved it.

Slightly grinning at the present she turns around to face the Texan, only to feel her smile widening when she realizes what exactly he’s wearing. A light blue short sleeve with pink mermaids and dolphins laid on top, with black cargo shorts and converse on his feet. He looked absolutely adorable, yet handsome at the same time. He could honestly slay any look without any effort.

“Cute shirt,” She tells him with a smirk,

Sharing the same look on his lips, Jensen looks down at his shirt before looking back at her, “The girls picked it out, so I had no other option,”

A chuckle escapes from her as she walks towards him and lets a forefinger gently prod at a pink mermaid that’s on his stomach, “Don’t lie, you wanted to wear it,”

When she averts her (E/c) eyes up to his apple orbs, she hadn’t realize just how close she was to him. Only a couple inches stood between them as they stared at each other, and it was up to either one of them to reach out to close the gap, but neither made the first move, even if they both shared the same thoughts without even knowing.

As Jensen hovered over her, bright green eyes staring straight down at her own beautiful (E/c) orbs, he had the biggest urge to touch her, taste her lips, he has been for a while now, but restrained himself from doing so. He didn’t want to ruin their friendship for having feelings she most likely didn’t have towards him. But she did. He just didn’t know it.

She’s been sharing the same feelings since the day they first met, which made her feel guilty at first since he was married at the time, but even after he got divorced she didn’t indulge or press on the feelings. It wasn’t the right time nor it was appropriate. The man had just ended his marriage, he was hurt, healing, what he needed was a friend, not someone who was taking advantage of the moment to express her feelings or tell him she ‘was the one’ it would just be selfish and absolute heartbreaking if he’d reject her if it had happened. So instead of letting her feelings take over, (Y/n) became what Jensen needed the most, a friend, and has been ever since.

Nothing changed after that, yeah she still loved him and wished for more, but she also still loved being friends with him. Before (Y/n) even realized her feelings towards the man they were good friends, and now after a couple months later of the divorce their friendship still held strong, which is all she wanted for them.

“Hey Ackles!” The sound of Jared’s voice coming into the room causes them both to break eye contact, “Oh hey (Y/n),”

She smiles at him as he quickly engulfs her small frame with his large arms and pecks the top of her head before pulling away to direct his eyes at Jensen, “Your old man needs more pepper,”

Jensen nods his head, “Alright I’m comin,”

Gently punching his shoulder with a nod, Jared leaves the room. Leaving the space around them to be extremely difficult to breathe for some odd reason, but Jensen was quick to avoid the unsettling tension.

“C’mon,” He motions his head out the living room, “I’m sure the kiddos are dying to see you,”

At his words he lets his fingers interlock with her own, causing her body to go rigid, definitely was not expecting that but shrugs it off by allowing the man to lead her out the room, even if she can walk around his house with eyes closed she still lets him guide her out the house. Once making a quick stop to grab some pepper from the kitchen he leads them out the house, fingers still interlocked with each other until he lets her go out the doors first before following after. He wasn’t going to lie, he was freaking the fuck out when he interlocked their fingers, he thought she’d push him away, curse at him, but watching as she didn’t do anything only made him freak out even more. Did she like it? Or was she uncomfortable that she just allowed it? Or did she actually like holding hands with him? Question after question appeared in his head as he made his way over to his father who was preparing the burgers.

Turning around after giving him the pepper Jensen turns around at the perfect time, from where he stood he watches as she engulfs a squealing JJ into her arms before spinning them both in the center of the yard, causing his heart to flip in his chest at the sight. What makes a smile appear on his lips was the moment she walks towards his other two kids, Zep and Arrow, who also run towards her with wide smiles and open arms. Just the sight alone of her interacting with his kids, treating them as if they were her own and giving them so much love was enough for Jensen to realize, he was madly in love with her.

If only she felt the same way right?

++++

10:30 pm

After eating multiple burgers, drinking multiple beers and juice boxes, singing happy birthday to the birthday girl, opening her presents and surprising her with the large Teddy, the day was finally coming to an end. Once it had hit 9pm, a lot of the kiddos were absolutely drained from running around the house, or just being in the water all day, that’s including Jensen’s little ones. Once they were all tucked into bed, it was pretty soon when a lot of family members began leaving the party. A couple people still remained, like Jensen’s family, Jared’s family, Misha and his kids stayed for a while before heading off to their hotel since they had an early flight the next day, and other good friends stayed. But once it hit 10pm everyone began parting their ways, only leaving Jared, Genevieve, Jensen’s parents and (Y/n) at the house, where they soon began picking up trash from left to right.

Even if Jensen told everyone to leave it alone and he’ll clean up tomorrow, everybody continued picking up trash from tables and the floor. Causing Jensen to let out a soft chuckle when (Y/n) only shoves him the plastic black bag to hold as she throws in empty beer cans and bottles. Making it look less a mess and easier to deal with the next morning. Once the backyard looked semi decent, and Jensen’s father finished cleaning up the grill, both his parents, Jared and Gen give their farewells before leaving. Once he walked them towards the entrance of the home, Jensen makes his way back to the backyard, where (Y/n) remained piling the trash bags together in one corner.

“Hey c’mon leave that there, I’ll do it myself tomorrow,” Jensen stops her by her wrist as she reaches for another trash bag,

she gives him a smile, “It’s the least I can do, I mean we did trash your house,”

Jensen softly chuckles with a shake of his head, “You already do so much for us.. for them,”

A warm, shy, smile spreads on her face, a smile that Jensen has grown to love.

With the smile still plastered, she shrugs a shoulder, “I love you guys,”

Oh how those words made Jensen feel as if he was floating in the air, like some cheesy romance movie with hearts surrounding them. But even if those words weren’t exactly meant the way he’s taking it, it still sounded absolutely amazing to hear those words fall from her lips. However, little did he know she did mean her words, and she was honestly freaking out when she finally admitted to him.

Green eyes stared into (E/c) ones in silence. Only the sounds of crickets chirping around them was heard. It was honestly peaceful, they both felt at ease as they stared at each other. If it wasn’t for the small fear riding at the back of his head, he would have had her lips on his by now, but the fear still lingered the more he wanted to give in to the urge. Yet, he already was giving into it, he hadn’t realize he still held onto her wrist nor did he realize his thumb was gently rubbing circles on her skin, but once he did, he still didn’t let her go. He craved for her touch, but he wanted to do more than touch her, he wanted to hold her in his arms, feel her warmth day and night.

Which gives him an idea.

“Wanna go for a swim?” He says after a while of silence, motioning his head towards the pool,

(Y/n) chuckles, “At this time?”

Jensen causally shrugs his shoulders, “I don’t see why not?”

A scoff leaves her lips when she watches him walk backwards towards the pool as he keeps their gazes locked with a smirk. He eventually turns and stands on the edge of the pool before discarding his clothes. First his shirt revealing his muscular shoulders, then his shoes, socks, and finally his shorts. (Y/n) should definitely look away, but she just couldn’t. Her eyes were locked on the man’s half naked frame, feeling the way her mouth goes dry the longer she stares. (E/c) eyes roamed his muscular back and down towards his ass that we’re sadly covered by his black briefs.

Slowly, very slowly, she averts her eyes from his bottom to his shoulders once again, but just as she rises her eyes they immediately lock with his. She feels herself go stiff when he catches her staring, causing her face to grow hot. Although, instead of teasing her with a smart ass remark, he just sends her a smirk before diving into the pool. Giving (Y/n) a couple seconds to catch her breath before he emerges from the water. (Y/n) remained standing in her spot as she watches the way droplets of water cover his perfectly shaped face, and the way it had flattened his hair, and definitely not being able to push aside the feeling that forms in between her legs when he slicks his wet hair back.

“C’mon, water feels great,” Jensen tells her, smile slightly tugging on his lips as he keeps himself up float,

Aside from feeling the way her core begins throbbing for this man, she still sends him a scoff, “You’re crazy,”

And making me horny. She mentally thinks to herself.

“You can wear my shirt,” Even if I prefer nothing on you right about now. Jensen thought to himself, still keeping that welcoming smile on his lips,

(Y/n) intakes a deep breath through her nose and let’s it back out through her nose while slightly tilting her head to the side. She hates how he can easily convince her without even trying. With hesitating steps, (Y/n) toes off her shoes along with her socks before making her way towards his shirt. Picking it up she stares at it in her hands and then towards Jensen, who only sends her a wide grin before turning around to give her some privacy while she changes. The moment he does, she quickly slides her jeans down her legs, not catching how he sneaks a glance at her and not knowing how quick his member jolts in his briefs. However, right when she stands from removing her jeans he turns back around and waits patiently until she allows him to look.

Speechless is what happens when his green orbs land on her frame. His shirt was rather large on her frame, making it look like a dress on her, only her smooth legs were exposed to him. She looked absolutely fucking beautiful, breathtaking under the moon light, if it weren’t for the fear and respect he had towards her, he would’ve already had her in his arms.

The look that settles on his face was visible as day, earning a shy smile to form on her lips as she shyly places a strand of hair behind her ear, cheeks burning as he continues to stare at her. Observing her, admiring her frame.

Eventually, she slowly walks towards the edge of the pool where Jensen swims to meet her halfway. Her feet were the first to make contact with the water as she sat on the edge of the pool, it really did feel amazing against her skin, fresh and just the right temperature.

Without a word, Jensen swims towards her, keeping himself upright in front of her, her knees touching his chest as he reaches towards her hips. Gripping onto his firm shoulders as he carefully and effortlessly carries her into the water, not once did they avoid gazes. Bright green and glistening (E/c) orbs kept a firm lock on each other, never parting away from each other, not even after she made it into the water.

“Feel good?” Jensen suddenly whispers, voice laced with thickness, eyes still staring deeply into her own,

A small smile tugs on her lips as she too couldn’t seem to avert her gaze, “Feels good,” she responds to him small smile tugging on the corner of her lips,

Still smiling at her he slowly lets her go, allowing her to swim freely around the pool, green eyes not once averting from frame not even when she dives under the water for a split second. Hell, when she emerges from underneath it was a goddamn sight for him, her beautiful hair slicked back, the moons light shining off her beautiful skin, Jesus.. she is fucking breathtaking. He honest to god doesn’t understand how her previous dickhead of an ex thought it’d be a great idea to go ahead and cheat on her, that stupid idiot doesn’t know what he lost, however, what he will know is she has been found by someone who will most definitely love her like she deserves to be loved, cared for, spoiled and not discriminated.

“You building something back there?” Her soft voice breaks him out of his thoughts, noticing how she leaned against the edge of the pool and staring straight ahead where his next project was under construction,

A soft chuckle leaves his lips as he slowly swims towards her, bare shoulder touching her own, “JJ and the twins want horses,”

He tells her with a defeated sigh, earning a surprised look from her along with a heartfelt chuckle.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you end up having a whole farm out there,”

Jensen groans with a shake of his head, “Don’t.. don’t encourage them please. I definitely won’t survive, especially when you four gang up on me,”

Another chuckle escapes from her, “I don’t influence nor do I encourage them into anything,” she says as she splashes him,

“Oh yeah?” He raises a brow at her as he continues, splashing her back, “So you didn’t influence them into having a full blown war with those mini nerf guns?”

“Hey, you gotta admit. That was a fun day, besides if I remember correctly you were also apart of that war,” She points out, splashing him once again with water only this time it reaches his face, causing him to close his eyes with a deadpan look,

When he slowly opens his eyes, they lock with her own, a smile slowly spreading on her face as she mumbles an apology to him, but instead of accepting it he lunges at her, causing a small yelp to leave her lips. Yet, before he can wrap his large arms around her she uses her feet to push against the wall to escape from him. Loud giggles are shared as they chase one another in the water, splashing each other, pushing each other until eventually as she was focused on rapidly splashing him with water she didn’t notice how he dove underneath and swam towards her. In matter of seconds another loud yelp with a giggle leaves her lips when she feels the way his large arms wrap around her waist that slightly lifting her out of the water before bringing her back inside.

She emerges from the water throwing profanities at him as she removes wet strands of hair from her face with heartfelt giggles. Displaying a wide grin and letting deep chuckles escape from his lips, Jensen helps removing hair from her face. However, just as he tucks a wet strand behind her ear they lock eyes, bright green emeralds stare straight into her orbs, smile slowly fading as he observes her features, feeling the way his chest becomes heavy, a feeling he can no longer hold in anymore. A feeling he’s been pushing aside for what seemed like ages, a feeling he’s been trying to hide, but now, with her in front of him, skin soaked and illuminating beautifully underneath the moonlight, those eyes he’s fallen dearly for, and that smile that he can never get tired of has him losing the battle.

So slowly and hesitant he cups her cheek with the same hand that tucked a hair behind her ear, and lets it rest there as he continues to stare into her eyes in silence. Waiting for her to say or do anything to stop him, but when she doesn’t and only stares up at him with now widen, pleading eyes, he slowly oh so slowly begins bending down. He hovers over her lips, giving her the opportunity to push away, to stop, when she doesn’t he finally allows their lips to collide with each other in a soft, gentle manner.

They share two, slow, lasting pecks before he slowly pulls away. Green eyes observing her own, trying to read any regret, any doubt, but when he only reads reassurance a small tug can be seen on the corner of his lip before he once again bends down. Letting their lips mold together much firmer. The kiss slowly begins escalating, becoming more heated as they share their warmth, their hidden feelings, their love. No words were needed, the way they both desperately kissed one another was enough for either one to know how the other felt.

Being completely lost and focused on the way his lips fitted perfectly with her own or the fact that his tongue would smoothly and perfectly dance with her own, (Y/n) hadn’t realized Jensen was slowly guiding them backwards, until she feels something firm settling on her back and feeling the way he easily lifts her from under her legs which she automatically wraps around his own waist. The kiss never falters, not even when he pins her against the wall of the pool or when their hips meet in the middle, causing a groan to rumble in his throat where a broken moan escapes from her mouth. However, after the fourth thrust she couldn’t bare it no longer, she wanted him, she needed him now.

“Jensen,” She breathlessly whispers his name against his lips as he once again rubs his covered member against her aching core,

Slightly pulling away to look into her eyes, his words fall breathlessly from his mouth, “You sure?”

Damn him and his well-mannered side. It shouldn’t turn her on at the fact that he’s asking for her consent, but fuck does it ignite her emotions even more for this man.

Breath coming out harshly through her mouth she nods her head, (E/c) eyes looking directly into his green orbs, “Yes. Please..please,”

The last beg came out a little more desperate and whiny but she could care less at this point. Hell, he could care less because as soon as those words came out he pecks her lips one last time before averting his lips to the side of her neck. His hands that were placed underneath her bottom, make their way down her body to the hem of his shirt before pulling it off her frame. Tossing it somewhere outside the pool he lets his lips explore, as he lavished the new piece of revealed skin he lets one hand travel behind to undo her bra. Placing it outside the pool he slightly angles his head to look at her completely.

And ohh did she look absolutely gorgeous. Skin beautifully slicked with droplets of water falling down her entire frame, lips raw and swollen, eyes completely dilated, chest displayed to him and only him. She looked absolutely breathtaking.

“You’re so beautiful,” He whispers as he bends down to latch his lips onto hers,

A small broken whimper can be heard in between them as he ghostly begins traveling his fingers against her bare stomach until he reaches the waistband of her underwear, where he then slowly begins sliding the garment down her legs. Once off he places them above her head, near the edge of the pool.

A small shiver travels through her body as he leaves feathery kisses throughout her chest, yet, the same time a shiver rolls through a moan escapes from her when she suddenly feels the way his thick digits begin circling against her clit. Then a gasp when two fingers slowly push past her folds.

“So fucking perfect,” Jensen whispers against her parted lips, sinking his digits deeper, earning another whimper from her,

“Fuck baby… you’re so tight,” He whispers again just as his finger is knuckle deep into her aching core,

Her hips begin moving the same time he starts moving in and out in at a slow pace, which drove her mad. As much as she wanted him to take his time in prepping her, teasing her, cherishing her, making her cum with just his fingers, she wanted more. She needed more. So with another broken moan, a pleading tone and a desperate thrust of her hips she hoped he would read on what she truly yearned.

Which he must’ve had because his breath fans hotly against her lips as he gently retrieves his fingers from her mound, leaving her empty for a couple seconds as he quickly shoves his briefs down, far enough where his aching member is free. Panting against her lips he easily guides her down until he feels the tip of his cock rubbing firmly against her folds, earning another moan to rip out from her as he rubs on her a few more times. Then, with a gentle swift motion he slides right inside causing a loud gasp to escape her parted lips.

A groan rumbles in his throat as he stills inside of her, taking long steady breaths through his nose as he focuses on not reaching the end right there and then. Because fuck, she felt absolutely heavenly. Her walls hugged him tightly as she too grew accustomed to his girth, taking slow breaths through her nose with eyes closed.

When she slowly parts them open, she immediately locks with dark, hooded green eyes. Only a sliver outline of green can be seen considering his pupils have dilated, it was then she took in his appearance, despite his hungry look in his eyes, his lips were also raw and swollen, shades of red tinted his cheeks to the tips of his ears, droplets of water slid beautifully on his skin, hair damped and disheveled from her fingers constantly running through them. He looked absolutely magnificent, everything about him shined beautifully underneath the moonlight.

“I love you,” She finds herself whisper, hand reaching to cup the side of his cheek,

A large hand also cups the side of her jaw, long fingers cradling the back of her neck before slowly and gently guiding her face closer to his.

“I love you,” He whispers back, gently latching their lips once again,

A small choked whimper vibrates against his lips just as he begins grinding his hips against her, then a gasp when he pulls out of her only to push back in with a little more force. He keeps the pace up for a few minutes, just luxuriating and getting lost in the way they both feel around each other, the way he feels her tightening around him with every thrust, the way she feels him inch by inch. It was such a delicious rich feeling. A such beautiful intimate moment.

However, after a heavy sigh and breathlessly saying his name against his lips he picks up the pace. Waves beginning to flow around them as his speed slowly increases, soft moans fall from her parted lips, eyes closing when the familiar pooling sensation begins to build at the bottom of her core from the way his speed only picks up. The waves forming stronger around them from his pace, but only calming for a second as he quickly maneuvers them towards the ladder. Snaking both arms beneath her knees and pinning her against the ladder, where she manages to grab some grip on the rails, a breathless groan falls against his lips as he fastens his pace. Waves now splashing around them, moan after moan slipping from her mouth at the change of speed. Eyes closing shut from pleasure when his hips meet with her own, his cock hitting and stretching deliciously along her aching walls.

Due to his change of speed and his hips hitting her clit with each thrust he gives, she quickly begins reaching the end of the line. What finally makes the dam break would be him gripping onto her hips and slamming her down in time with his brutal thrusts, his cock repeatedly hitting that one spot that has her seeing stars right before feeling her vision goes dark for a few seconds.

Grunting from the sudden tightness that engulfs him, Jensen breathlessly groans on the side of her neck as he continues to fuck her through her orgasm, quickly feeling his own rising. Which after a couple thrusts later a heavy breathless groan slips from the man as he finally stills inside of her, feeling himself twitch inside her raw and abused walls right as he feels the way his thick seed paints her insides.

“Oh.. fuck,” He pants against her neck, body slightly twitching from the intense orgasm,

They both remain holding on to each other for a few more minutes. Riding both their high’s together and catching each others breath. After minutes passed, Jensen slowly lifts his head from the crook of her neck, green tired orbs meeting with her own, feeling the way his lip tugs upward at the sight of her and the fact that she was finally his. The three words repeating over and over in his head, feeling the way his chest expands knowing she was finally his.

Not being able to contain himself, he lets the word fall freely once again before gently latching onto her lips. They shared a few, long, loving pecks before pulling away from each other to climb out the pool and get dressed. Despite their clothes being soaked to the brim, they still slipped them on before making their way inside the home hand in hand, not once parting from each other, not even when Jensen nearly fell on his ass when he slightly slipped along the wooden floor as they made their way towards his bedroom. A couple giggles erupted from them as they carefully walked towards his room.

Once inside, they quickly shed their soaking clothes before hopping into the shower, where they remained standing under the shower head until the water that was once warm turning cold against their skin and leaving them with pruned fingers. After drying their bodies with a towel, Jensen slipping into a pair of clean briefs and (Y/n) shrugging on one of his clean t-shirts along with some sweats of his, they both climb into bed where their limb’s perfectly tangle together.

They stayed awake, softly talking to one another, enjoying each others warmth, sharing various stories about everything and anything until eventually (Y/n) slowly starts dozing off. Cheek resting heavily against his chest, his heartbeat softly soothing her to sleep.

“God I love you,” He whispers, pulling another warm, happy, smile on his face,

Gently, he pulls her closer towards him, leaving a long kiss on the crown of her head before finally letting sleep overpower him. Despite feeling relief now that he knows she too shared the same feelings, that she is finally his, he still can’t help the small voice at the back of his head. He knows this will be challenging, there will be days where it will be difficult to get through, but as long as she held on to him through the obstacles he knew they’d be okay. He knew she’d never let him down, and he knew she knew he’d never let her down. He loves her, and he will damn sure fight for their love, because except for his kids she is also his reason to keep going in life. To keep pushing.

Because she’s worth fighting for.

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-> Alright y’all hope you guys liked this one, it has been dusting away in my drafts and it’s about time it sees the light!

-> Just wanna say, writing smut is not my strong suit, still trying to make it better for y’all so I do apologize if it’s not good enough 😌

-> Lastly, thank you to everyone who continues to read my crappy posts Much love! 🫶💗

-> Make Sure To Turn On Post Notifications!! 🔔 For More Updates!

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