#pool farts

[4janedoe4thoughts4]

The mere thought of underwater farts has been driving me crazy the past week. I'm drooling at the sight of a bubble in water.

[gooboogy]

My music is now on Bandcamp!

To celebrate I've also released my silly little single Brorca (coming soon to streaming services near you!)

Here's another taste of some of my music as well for you, please check me out on Bandcamp or your local stream!

Tips is you're feeling generous (thank you everyone who has supported me so far!! ♥)

[mothgoddesss]

『 TAKE THE TIME TO NOTICE FLEETING BEAUTY. REJOICE, AND BE GLAD IN TODAY. 』

Sissyin, our cherry b. girl.

BiBiJi, unique like the formation of wisteria.

ChaiChai, the bold and rich tulip.

TELFOSO, the golden wings of Today. Our beloved Primordial Moth.

Despite my prolonged valley phase, I was able to finish this!! This year makes my 2nd Days of Bloom, but GOSH was it my absolute favorite and has thus cemented this event as my favorite event of the year.

While there are other (and more nicely rendered) pieces of art that feature the three bloom capes, I HAD to illustrate one of my own featuring my Sky characters from my paracosm. ♥︎

[ultimatespiderplush]

When she said this, i was like "HOLY SHIT REALEST COMIC EVER MADE THANK YOU CHRIS HASTINGS"

[rt8815]

I just learned one of my colleagues (originally from Ireland) crossed paths with Hozier in a Dublin pub (I forget the name) years ago.

Does the gif at all indicate the nature of the story?

No, I just love looking at him.

But also, the hair?

Like, sir? Could you not?!

With the smile?!

And the glasses?!

My brain go brrr.

[butchhartmansfartfetishad]

Pooltoy skunk filled with stinky gas, sharing the odour cuz sharing is caring 🖤

[randomnameless]

I don't know about the Engage wank but fan of pairing between Alear and the twins should just ignore the "it's incest complain" since the Fe fandom doesn't deserves to be trusted in that context seeing how much they twisted this word... ok actually this apply to all fandom

As someone who was hard wired "words have a meaning" in uni and professional life, you have no idea how fandom using "words they completely twisted and don't understand" irks me !

Maybe it's just about throwing big bad words to make anyone who disagree - or the persons you are dissing on - BaD, but I think the first post I made about this early in FE16's fandom's life was about some people (I don't even know if it's the same person we all know?) arguing about a "caste system" regarding the "Crust system" and it's just - no, you don't understand what you're saying, just shut up. Caste systems are defined by extreme endogamy - if Fodlan truly had a caste system, Ingrid's dad wouldn't even consider marrying her to a crestless dude, she would have been married to the available Faerghus bachelors with a crest, hell even Annette's cousin, or worse, Matthias himself (he is a widow?) before considering a crestless match.

Then we had the collective hysteria over "feudalism", "Pope in the Middle Ages", "Catholicism" and "Fodlan is totes 12th century trust me I have a degree".

And while I don't want to be the ass who says research your writing topic before writing it, imo, when you're writing meta or pieces that want to be meta, I'd suggest to at least, just, check wikipedia before writing something that doesn't make any sense.

Hell, I didn't know about that thing about snails being crushed to make purple dye before checking Wikipedia before writing a shitpost about Adrestia - but here I am.

But alas, it's commong on social medias nowadays, you use "big words" to make people who don't agree with you the BaD gUyS (bcs they're always guys!) and thus can avoid discussions or criticism.

[hypnagogics]

haiii pludawg… 😇

i’m thinking about sloppy and wet ab riding with sub!sevika, pinning her to the bed with your thighs and riding her into the mattress, she’d get so flustered as you overpower her and she’d just gawk at you like the cutie pie she is while you leave a sticky trail all over her abs… continue this however u want 🤎

thanks a million!!! 😋

☆: hey chat, have something new hehe. sev has been turning me into a MONSTER lately and i had to get this outta my system. ok enna this idea. i have no words. this is the most scrumdiddlyumptious thing ive literally ever heard im gonna start freaking the fart out are u fr...omg. wow...i love u sm for this💚AHHHH I NEED HER.

you gazed down at sevika from your spot, lovingly straddling her torso, intently watching every microscopic change in her features. she helplessly stared up at you, eyes as gray as the goddess athena's, round and teary, near overflowing with pure, unadulterated need.

you wanted her just as much, if not more, only you were better at acting, so you didn't let her sense it and take the chance to rip this moment away from you. you knew her, and she'd give her all to try.

your hot, naked bodies pressed together, it had been eons of simple messing around— neither had their sweet release just yet.

you were planning on making this exhilarating for you, while being torturous for the woman underneath you.

her eyes flickered up and down your bare form, eying every curve and valley hungrily, she took in every little detail before bringing her eyes back up to meet yours. “you plan on doing anything? sometime tonight, preferably.” she huffed in exasperation, her low voice gravelly, yet there's the unmistakable trembling only someone who'd give anything to cum possesses. “oh? i'm fine doing this all night, actually. don't rush me.” stern, but sweet, the sound of your voice makes her break eye contact bashfully. you aren't able to stop the smirk that stretches across your lips, and you tighten your grip on her arms—both flesh and mechanical—on either side of her head. sevika's dark hair is disheveled, sprawled across the pale pillow, her toffee skin gleaming with sweat, she looked ethereal. every move you make is slow, calculated, enticing. designed to drive her insane, make her whine and clench around nothing but air—and she does exactly that when she feels your dripping folds make contact with her quivering abs. she squirms below you, taking her bottom lip between her teeth, and closing her eyes as tight as she can, inhaling sharply.

you hadn't even started moving yet, but the wetness, the slick sound, the warmth of you on her skin was driving her over the edge. if so much as a gust of wind kissed her pussy, she'd be crying out and gushing all over the place. unfortunately you were indoors, so she'd have to suffer a little longer.

on your end, the contact is so good. you rock your hips back and forth on her just once, experimentally, but right away the pleasure pools in your abdomen, and you start rutting against her, chasing the mind-numbing feeling.

and sevika? she can't do anything but just gawk at you, observe how you throw your head back in ecstasy, your pretty moans filling the room, along with the obscene slapping sounds of skin against skin. you transition to a circular motion, gyrating your hips against her taut abdomen, soaking every square inch of her, including her happy trail. can't forget that, can we.

at this point, she can barely keep her eyes open, poor thing, so mesmerized by you in all your glory, grinding your hard clit selfishly against her like this, it was almost enough to make her finish just like that. within a fraction of a second.

“b-baby—ah”, words are failing her, her voice high pitched and shaky. her hands find their way to your hips, and she assists you in your mission, the sensation of the cold metal of her mechanical arm sending shocks up your spine.

words have failed you as well, nothing but grunts and whimpers resembling sevika's name falling from your lips. your ruts speed up, no longer following any rhyme or reason, all you can think about is getting to that peak. you're so absorbed in how her muscles feel against your pussy, you are almost brought to the point of forgetting where you were.

rhythmic “ah, hah, ah, ah—” following every thrust, the intensity of the impending orgasm swirling inside you, and she can't help but moan with you, the ache in her drooling core growing more uncomfortable by the moment.

with a cry you're hit with blinding pleasure, all your senses cutting out. you hump against her some more, riding out the high as much as you could before the throes of overstimulation took their hold, and your body was enveloped with waves of relaxation.

you come to, and look down, your eyes meeting those of sev’s, her mouth slightly open, arms limp by her sides, chest heaving up and down as she—and you—register what happened. you climb off of her and fall in an embrace, burying your face in the crook of her neck. the heat of embarrassment and realization spreads throughout the surface of the skin, only you're brought out of it by sevika's sugary voice. she sounds dazed, high as a kite, speaking slowly, “that…was so hot. you're so hot. my turn?”

because this is my first fic for sev, im not gonna tag people but i will add her as an option and put my taglist here anyway ♡

[facesittingnightmares]

Dom Qoutes Season 4: Scouting a sniffer

"Fuck yeah!! Smell that nasty fart. I knew the moment i saw you in the bar that you'd be a good little sniffer. All I had to do was play you a game of pool and bend over a little to activate the little stubby part of your brain. Then came the not so accidental farts around you. Honestly you fart addicts are all the same! It's hilarious and pathetic! One whiff of stinking gas and you wanna used! Well, now you are getting your wish. To you I am a god, the best fart master you'll ever have. To me...ugh yeah sniff that!…to me you are just my weekly nose!"

*Inspired by @fart_masterr on twitter/X*

[docjayfeather]

All of the Ren Lore i’ve compiled from his single player series and old streams

Favorite meal is roast lamb and roast potatoes

Has an ex-girlfriend

Hates One Direction

Was on a boating team in high school

His mother’s first cat’s name was Ebony

His single player world started in 1.2

Ren’s favorite language is Spanish

Ren has been to Spain several times

His brother had a dog named Rorschach

Ren’s favorite armor set in the original Diablo was the Moon set

Ren and his brother used to have to shower/bath together, then dry off infront of an electric fireplace. Through a series of events, young Ren got his butt stuck to the glass pane of the electric fireplace, and has had a scar on his butt since.

Ren has said “I always think about [Ren’s brother’s username] when I think about my butt”

Ren knows how to do a cats cradle

Ren used to have frosted tips

Ren’s favorite commander deck is Kraum/Tymna

Ren got kicked in the literal butthole by a horse

Ren likes burning things

Ren created a rigged marble slot machine in high school

Went on an introspection journey, visiting all the places he lived and all his jobs pre-YouTube

Did the insane thing of asking the lady who was now living in his first house if he could go inside and check out his old room

Ren had a patreon tier where he’d sent his patrons a “Ren Crate”, a lootcrate full of stuff

Ren doesn’t drink (anymore)

Officially has OCD

Ren loves apple juice

Ren loves driving games

Event manager for The Deftones once

Plays MtG on Sundays

Ren wants to retire with Doc

Ren’s wants his spirit animal to be a shark

Ren’s favorite book series is LotR

Ren is “below-average hairy”

Ren’s favorite season is Autumn

Ren’s birthday is October 11th

Ren is a slut for tiramisu and ice cream

Ren wants to open an LGS/tabletop cafe

Ren is not a religious person

Ren worked in a seedy pool bar

Ren almost got an upper back tattoo

Ren loves green tea

Ren is Left Handed

Ren was at one point a vegetarian for several years

Ren has lost his wallet multiple times, once leaving it on a train

Ren eats a whole lemon every day, and drinks lemon juice straight from the lemon

Ren got in trouble at boarding school for “trying to summon demons”. He was just playing MtG.

Ren has had a pair of lucky underwear since he was 18

Ren’s favorite ice cream is strawberry

Ren loved getting aggressively physical in rugby

Ren loves cinnamon buns

Ren used to have super long butt-length hair

Ren really liked playing with fireworks when he was younger. They’d bury huge ones in the sand near their house to make craters.

Ren loves Love Island

Ren can only sleep on his arm

Wears exclusively Star Wars socks and has matching pajamas

Beat Gabriel Nasif in a Magic Grand Prix

Ren hates Oysters

Ren’s favorite dog breed is a chihuahua??

Ren’s favorite dnd class is bard

Ren enjoys cleaning the bathroom the most out of any room

Ren’s favorite musical is Les Miserables

Ren has a favorite kitchen knife, and used to cook a lot.

Ren’s favorite tool is the hoe (of course)

Ren and Iskall used to play League

Never farts irl

born in the same city as J R R Tolkien

Ren named his first car Maximus

Ren is a bath person

Natural Mace Race runner

Ren really likes pet rats

Ren has a very consistent shopping day of tuesday

Ren has an extremely strict sleep schedule

Ren has 7 pairs of the same pajamas to wear 24/7

Ren has a BA in English

Ren does 100 push-ups a day

Ren does a 15k bike ride every day

Ren had a max weight of 110 kilos, is now down to 80

Ren uses youtube in light mode

Ren has seen Metallica live

Ren wore fake glasses in college

Ren has 20/20 vision

Ren has been in plays during school, and blinded the lead with glitter accidentally during one of them, trying to spice up his one line.

Ren has a “black book” of atleast 9 board game ideas

Ren gets pretty motion sick

Ren enjoys mosh pits

Ren really likes competitive monopoly and risk

Ren burned his eyebrows off with a bunson burner once

Ren still cries at The Lion King

Ren plays Ornn, Urgot, and Tristana in League

Ren was allegedly born in 1982

Ren drunk-puked into his shirt in a german taxi the night he met Doc infront of the people sponsoring them

Ren drives stick shift and loves it

Ren thinks he might have a gluten allergy

Ren puts butter in his coffee

Ren tried to write a YA fantasy novel, got 80k words in before scrapping it

Ren would like to live with Keralis hypothetically out of any of the hermits

Ren’s favorite superhero is wolverine

Ren has tinnitus 

Ren convinced Cleo to start streaming, partially leading to her going full time 

Ren once barbecued on radio in the studio 

Ren stayed on his ex-girlfriend’s floor for the first six months of him moving to england

Ren got kicked in the balls trying to sell tickets to musicals in Leicester Square 

Ren loves playing golf and tennis 

Ren hates soccer

Ren loves queues, maybe ironically maybe unironically

Ren drinks four cups of tea a day 

Ren’s favorite season is 3rd life

[princessisfinethx]

Baby Fever pt. 2

New dad!König x new mom!Reader.

Fluff, post-pregnancy, post-birth, mentions of premature birth. Y'know, a sprinkle of angst. Bit it's all happy domestic stuff. Enjoy.

Your eyes fluttered open and you realize the baby wasn't crying. When you checked your phone, it was 2 in the morning. It was feeding time, so you turned over and climbed out of bed, not realizing it was empty on the other side. You hummed and went to grab one of the bottles out of the warmers, already filled with the formula but found there was no bottle.

You hum, exhausted mind turning over trying to think why you didn't prepare a bottle beforehand. And why your alarm didn't go off. You walk to the baby room and pause, seeing a dim light on, as well as hearing soft muttering. Walking slowly, you peak into the room...

König was standing in the middle of the room, your baby girl cradled in one arm, rather, one hand. His other hand held the bottle up for her. He was rocking and turning, talking to her. He had on his pajama pants, and slippers but no shirt on.

"Mommy's friends didn't like me. I think they were just jealous of her." He smiled down at her, taking the bottle away and setting it down. He throws the towel over his shoulder like you showed him and gently placed the newborn girl up, supporting her head. "C'mon, get those nasty burps out." He rubs her back then gently taps.

"Your mommy challenged me to a game of pool. I've played it a few times but I said yes. And she won, but don't tell mommy, I let her win." He chuckled. "Then she let me buy her a drink or two- ehm, they were soda drinks." He cleared his throat. Then smiled again. There was a soft muffled burp and she spit up. König laughed again and carefully maneuvered the baby and the towel to wipe her mouth clean. "That was a good one. Almost as loud as daddy's eh?"

You stayed leaning against the doorway, listening to König's stories.

"The doctors said you were born too early, and very weak. But I think that just proved those silly doctors wrong. Look at you, burping like a sailor! Oh don't cry meine Blume, I've got you. See?" He cooed softly and you heard the baby whine a little. König hummed softly and you heard him tapping her back, and then he laughed softly. "Did you poop on me? A fart. I knew you'd be more trouble than your mommy."

You couldn't help smile. You heard him go over to the changing table and carefully remove her diaper. You watched from the door as König winced. "You did a number in there. I wouldn't be surprised if you woke mommy up with that stench." He said as he cleaned her bottom. He threw the dirty diaper away and placed a new one on. He throws some powder into the diaper.

"When you came out, and the doctors told us you were a girl, I was so thrilled." He put the pajamas back on, carefully snapping the bottoms closed. "But they said you and mommy needed to stay in the hospital for a little longer. I got so scared for both of you, both of my girls. I ran out and bought your mommy a ring. I know, I should have married her before you came out...I was scared. But when you were born I was even more scared! What could daddy do except wait?" He sighed heavily and placed the baby girl against his chest.

"I didn't know babies could come out so small...you were tiny. They kept you in a little glass machine, I don't remember exactly why but, they said it helped you breathe. Ah but I knew better. They just had to keep you contained because you were a fighter. Ready to knock out the next doctor who told you otherwise." He pressed his lips to against her head and smiled. "And they said momma couldn't breastfeed you. She was sad, she thought she did something wrong but everything turned out just right huh? We're all here." He turned and smiled when he saw you standing at the door. "Ah. You did wake momma with your stinky bottom."

You sighed, some tears in your eyes as you walked over to him. With your daughter in one hand, he used his free hand to cradle your head to his chest. "Oh I'm sorry meine libeling, I didn't mean to make you sad." You shake your head and look up at him.

"No, not sad. Just happy. Happy sad." You shrug and sniffle. He gently ran his fingers through your hair and you spoke again. "How many times are you gonna tell her the hospital stories?"

He smiled and pressed a kiss to your head. "Until she learns to talk and tells me to stop. But maybe I'll tell her before she goes to her first day of school, or her first prom, or when she leaves for college." He takes a deep breath and slowly let it out. You could tell he was trying not to cry. "I wonder how close the colleges are here." You laughed and wiped your eyes.

"Stop talking about her leaving. You're making me more sad." You gently take the baby in your arms and kiss her head, rocking slowly. You felt König's arms encircle your body and his head on top of yours.

"I'm sorry. C'mon, let's get you both back to bed. My girls." His voice was soft, but tired. You nodded in agreement and gently set the girl down into the crib. You made sure she wouldn't fuss, then turned to König. Who then picked you up and carried you to the bedroom. He laid you down, kicked his slippers off and crawled into bed with you. You laid your head against his chest and you felt his hands finding their resting spot against against your thigh and back.

After a second, you mumbled against him. "Don't lie to our baby girl. You lost that pool game because you kept staring at my ass."

He laughed, making your head bounce. "I'm not telling our girl that."

"Then you can tell her you lost fair and square because you were so in love with me." You pressed a kiss to his neck. He leaned down and stole a kiss from you, then laid his head down.

"Maybe. But, maybe I did let you win." He was smiling and you grumbled in disagreement. "Sleep meine libeling. We'll settle this on our next pool game, drinks on me."

"Soda drinks."

A/n.: I'm sad, trapped in a stinky hotel. So I brainstormed this mess while watching Jurassic Park. I made it kinda sad but it's still all fluff. No more baby fever fic after this.

And, I thought about mentioning how reader can't breastfeed because my mom told me she couldn't for me. (For different reasons) But she said some trashy religious people told her if she couldn't breastfeed then she wasn't cut out to be a mom. And I know that today, there are still some people who find that using formula is 'unnatural' or 'cheating'. But I'm here to tell you, some people are literally just gonna try making you feel bad about everything. Do what you feel is the best thing, whether it's for yourself, for your child, for your pet, everything.

That was long. Sorry. Felt like ranting.

[xsublimelimex]

Playing Mermaids

CW: Diaper play (including messing) & breastfeeding kink

Disclaimer: all characters depicted in this story are consenting adults over the age of 18. If you are NOT 18 or older, click away now!

“Mommy mommy mommy!!!” shouts my sweet little girlfriend as she runs into the kitchen slamming into me. “Woah woah woah baby” I clutch her biceps so she doesn’t fall over. Unfazed her bouncing doesn’t stop her tiny tits bouncing in her thin crop top, her nipples poking out from the chill of the AC in the house.

“Mommy I was just watching mermaids on the tv and they looked like they were having so much fun swimming around and mommy please I really really wanna go swimming in the pool now please mommy please!!!” she quite literally begs with her hands clutched in front of her giving me puppy dog eyes. I raise and eyebrow, “Now sweetheart before I answer your request, I need you to think back and tell mommy what you did wrong.”

She pauses her bouncing and scrunches her eyebrows together thinking. “Uhhh I dunno mommy, because I was running…?” She questions her high pitched excited voice lowering as she realizes her mistake. She looks down and twists her fingers together nervously before looking back up at me with her lip pouted and her lashes fluttering.

“Yes exactly, does mommy allow you to run in the house like you just did?” I question in my best stern mommy voice, one I usually don’t need to use. She lowers her eyes again and shakes her head.

I lift her chin up and she looks at me with her beautiful bright eyes. “The answer is no I do not because it’s dangerous and you could have hurt yourself or even knocked mommy over. Now what do you have to say for yourself?” I ask her moving my hands to my hips. She slips her thumb in her mouth to self soothe and mumbles around it. “I sowwy mama I pwomise nu running in da house for me eva again!” Her little lisp with her thumb in her mouth is just so fucking cute it’s hard to not just grab her and cuddle.

I soothe my finger down her rosy cheek and lean down and press a light kiss on her forehead. “Good girl. That’s what I like to hear, now hurry you little butt to the bedroom so I can change you into your swim diapie.” A big smile overcomes her face and she bounces. “Yay yay yay you’re the best mommy ever thank you thank you!” She exclaims, I slap her diapered butt and usher her out the kitchen. She speed walks ahead of me up the stairs and to our bedroom.

I step into the room and find her already spread out on the floor with the changing mat underneath her. Her legs are spread Eagle and she’s sucking on her thumb quietly. “Aw Baby you look so scrumptious.” I coo as I bend down and give her sweet chubby face kisses. She giggles and her free hand clutches my arm.

“Give me one second sweetie.” I stand and pull out what I’ll need to change her and sit back down between her spread legs. Wordlessly I pull off her crop top and her small tits spring to view, I also pull down her shorts. Now she lays just in her full diaper. “Alright baby let’s get you into your swim diaper and your swim top. But first let’s clean your little booty, is there a poopy in there sweetie pie?” I question as I rub the top of her diaper eliciting a moan from her. “I dunno mommy I no thinks so.” She mumbles around her thumb. I slide my hand down and squish her diaper. “Hmmm I guess mommy will just have to be surprised.” I say teasing her even though I smelt her stinky butt before I even entered the room.

I prep the wipes before I start pulling back the tabs of her diaper as she watches me intently. I pull her diaper down and surprisingly all I find is a piss soaked diaper. Her soft little chubby cock nestled so cutely against her balls glistening from her piss. “Oh sweetheart, are you having trouble making pushies?” I question as I rub her soft thigh. I guess that smell was her farts, poor baby girl.

She blushes and nods. “That’s okay baby no need to be shy mommy will help don’t you worry.” I coo and tickle her tummy. She giggles and wiggles around, “mommy swimming!!!”

“Okay okay I hear ya!” I joke and wipe her pretty cock clean with a baby wipe and her bum. “One second sweetie mommy just has to do one little think before I put in your swim diaper.” I get up and grab the glycerin suppository and a bit of lube and bend back down between her spread thighs. I spread the lube onto the supportutory and with my other hand I spread her cheeks to get a good look at her pink hole and she squeezes it shut just as I go to push it in. “No mommy I no wan it.” She wiggles and whines. I lock eyes with her and give her my best mommy stare. “Honey you need this you haven’t went poopy in two days now sit still and relax your little hole for mommy.” I tell her in a sharp no nonsense tone. She quiets and stopes wiggling. She spreads her legs again and suckles her thumb. I spread her cheeks again and look at her now relaxed hole. “Such a good girl I love how you listen to mommy. There we go there we go.” I say as I push the suppository into her small hole. She grunts as it slips in “ah” and I rub her thighs. “See it wasn’t scary at all now was it?” I question and she shakes her head.

“Now let’s get you into your swim diapie.” I grab the swim diaper and put her feet through the holes and slide it up her legs.“Lift your butt for mommy.” She lifts her butt and I get it over her cock and butt. She shifts around and reaches and pushes down on the front of the diaper. “Is the princesses cock not in the right position?” I question and without her answering I slip my hand in and move her cock into a more comfortable position but before I can slip my hand out she begins to piss into my palm. “Oh baby you’re going potty in mommy’s hand!” I explain and press down on her little piss hole. “I sowwy mommy I couldn’t hold it.” She says in embarrassment covering her pink cheeks with her hands. “It’s okay honey I know you can’t control your bladder, you’re mommy’s little girl after all!” I attempt to calm her, I don’t love my hand from her diaper because I don’t want her to think her little accident upset me. Slowly I rub the tip of her cock as she pisses and she moans “mommy”.

“There we go sweetie, such a good girl pissing your diaper. Next mommy is gonna need you to make pushies okay?” I tell her.

“Okay mama I try make pushies!” She tells me in a serious tone or what she thinks is a serious tone. I can’t help but smile, “good girl.” I pull my hand out and it’s soaked in her urine. “Mommy will be right back sweetie I just need to wash my hands.” I tell her as I head to the bathroom attached to our bedroom. I come back and she’s still in position rubbing the front of her diaper with her eyes closed.

“Uh oh is mommy’s good girl being bad?” I question with my hands on my hips. She quickly pulls her hand away, “sorry mommy my princesses parts were tingling.” She covers her face in shame.

“Don’t be embarrassed sweetie but I better not see you touch that little cock without mommy’s permission again. You hear me?” I bend down and help her slip on her swim tank top. “Yes mommy.”

~~~

I’m laying on the day bed with my back propped up sipping a lemonade with my book watching as my sweet girl splashes around and swims like how she thinks a mermaid swims like. She’s quite possibly the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Soon I’m gonna have to reapply her sunscreen, I don’t want her soft skin getting burnt.

She swims to the stairs and clutches her tummy. “Mommy I no feel good. My tummy really hurts.” Seems the suppository finally started to do its job. “Come to mommy baby I’ll help.” I call her over and she walks to me with her back bent and her arms clutching her stomach. I grab her arm and cradle her in my arms. Her wet body soaking my bikini. I brush her hair from her face as she moans in pain. “Shh it’s okay baby mommy is here now, I want you to take a deep breathe for me.” She breathes deeply, “Good girl, now i want you to make pushies.” She nods against my chest and scrunches her forehead.

I slip my hand down to her tummy and push just as she pushes. She moans in relief as she fills her diaper with her poop. “There we go such a Good Girl messing your diaper in mommy’s lap.” She grunts out as she keeps pushing and filling her diaper. “Ah mommy it’s so warm I can’t stop making poopy it keeps coming out.” I stroke her face and kiss her lips.

“It’s okay baby let it all out mommy will clean your stinky little butt up once you’re all finished.” I coo and she nods against my heavy breast and pulls my bikini top down my big double DD tit falling out. My nipple is already hard and leaking milk. “You want mommy milk baby?” I question quietly. She nods and whines opening her mouth and drool leaks out. “Shh it’s okay here you go sweet girl.” I slip my nipple into her mouth and she matches in right away sucking hard. I hold the back of her head just as my eyes shut in ecstasy.

Oh fuck that feels so good. I slip my hand between her legs and her little cock is pushing the soaking wet diaper out and I brush over it briefly eliciting a moan before I slide my hand against wet bottom. I press down and squish her diaper smearing her mess against her and she pushes her butt back against my hand liking the feel. I pat her bum and and move my hand back up and rub her chubby cock through the diaper. She moans in pushes against my hand searching for more. “You can come whenever you want baby.” She moans and nods suckling harder.

I need to see her little tits. I push her top up with my other hand that’s around her and her tiny tits spring to view. “So perfect baby I love those tits, only for mommy’s eyes to see.” She pulls my other tit out and plays with my nipple rolling it in between her fingers. I moan and rub her cock faster. She clamps her thighs closed and rides my hand. My nipple slips from her mouth and she moans as milk dribbles out across her chin. “Oh yes mommy yes I’m making cummies in my messy diaper.” Fuck she’s so sexy.

“Good Girl cum for mommy.” I praise her and slip my nipple back into her gaping mouth. “Now keep suckling on mommy’s tits.” She moans and licks my nipple before her rhythmic suckling resumes.

[illusioncanthurtme--art]

im curious, why do you like fiddlestan?

i like them in theory (all the pain potential, jeez!) but i feel like i'm missing something very obvious

Oh boy, you’re about to open pandoras box with this one -

I’ve liked fiddlestan for a LONG time, almost a decade now, (EXHIBIT A!!!), and honestly, I’ll admit that the ship is mostly based on speculation. So maybe you’re not missing something obvious, maybe I’m just delusional. I can’t speak for everyone, all I can do is explain why I like it: because it’s deeply rooted in several layers of irony. 

It’s ironic because fiddleford spent the better part of a YEAR dealing with fords nonsense. (And I KNOW, it’s not all bad, but really, especially if you read journal 3, that poor man was put through a LOT. He was definitely taken advantage of, at LEAST a little.) And after grappling with the acceptance that your longtime friend and unrequited love will never return your feelings, having lost the man to some crazy otherworldly nightmare machine, who shows up?? But his TWIN BROTHER who’s HUMBLE and KIND and TEN TIMES MORE DOWN TO EARTH?? It’s ironic, because they don’t know each other, yet they both have years of history with the same person who’s wronged them, and, they can make out about it!! THEY CAN FUCK TO SPITE HIM!! Stan stole his brothers name (and committed multiple crimes under said name), stole his house, and stole his research partner!! And… it's ironic because it’s Grunkle Stan and old man Mcgucket. That needs no elaboration.

(these are all my personal takes/headcanons! Like I said, this ship is based solely on interpretation, so I’m sure a lot of fiddlestanners like fiddauthor too. There’s like a billion different ways to interpret this ship.)

Also -

Their personalities are surprisingly similar when you stop and think about it!! You put those two in the same room, and they’d come up with some highly devilish scams together. They both have moral codes that are a little… ambiguous. And… I can’t believe I’m gonna pull this out as *canon fiddlestan documentation* but these are the kind of crumbs we’re working with here: MABELS DREAM IN THE SOCK OPERA CREDITS!!!! Although it’s not something that actually happened, and it’s just a reference to statler and waldorf, they are IN CHARACTER!! I think this is how they would actually act together if they were friends!! Just two old dudes, hanging out together watching tv, making fun of whatever they’re watching. If you’re in the room, you might get roasted too. Just a couple of old farts. It makes me so happy to think about. 

No fiddlestan rundown post would be complete without the fandoms EXTREME STRAW GRASP at Old Goldie and the Flame Retardant Raccoon. Soos calls mcgucket a “prospector guy,” amongst the other obvious comparisons you can make between fiddleford and goldie. Goldie is something stan used to like a long time ago, but he’s all old and fucked up now, best to throw him away and forget about it. BUT, as it turns out, there’s still good in that old thing after all. SO LETS GET MARRIED IN VEGAS!!!! It’s an extreme stretch, but… It’s a fiddlestan trope that they, at some point, have a crazy night of fun+romance in vegas together.  And I personally like to think that they return when they’re older+happy and tie the knot for reals. The raccoon speaks for itself - it’s one of the ways you can compare stan to a raccoon. And of course, mcgucket's raccoon wife. 

This is where it starts to get a little angsty, and if you “get all the pain potential” then you may have already given this some thought - but why does stan treat fiddleford the way he does if they used to love each other? The whole “UGH, this guy” comment in land before swine, looking all uncomfortable around him in fight fighters, choosing the spot furthest from where mcgucket lotions himself at the pool, and the “possum breath” comment in the last episode (and fiddleford actually has the mental clarity to look perturbed after he says it). Stan is hurt!!! He’s upset!! If they used to be a Thing after the portal incident, something must have happened between them for fiddlefords mental illness to get the better of him, and for him to choose to erase both stan and ford from his memories. I, personally, think that it was deep rooted internal homophobia (being raised in the south, that runs deep), and being scared for getting too close to stan. They were getting too comfortable, and that scared him. What about his family? And tate? His son can never meet stan. He can never let his wife know. And all the paranormal fuckery incidents leading up to this that already weakened his mental state, the portal incident, already having zapped his brain a few times, would have sent him over the edge. So I’m thinking they would have gotten into a fight of some kind, and fiddleford would have stormed off. Thus leaving stan having to live in a town with the person he USED to love, who doesn’t remember him at all!!! What!!!!! That sucks!!!! Only upside to fiddlefords memory erasure is that it makes it easier for stan to pretend nothing ever happened. But it’s still not easy. Also, if word ever got out that old man mcgucket used to be his boyfriend, he would never be able to live it down. So he compensates by being an ass towards him. Fuck. 

But then!! If fiddleford has the chance to heal!!! (say… maybe… when the twins are on the stan o war II) then stan would come back to gravity falls and see fiddleford looking like the person he knew thirty years ago!!!! WHAT!?!?! CAN’T RUN FROM YOUR PAST FOREVER, CAN YOU!?!?! And you KNOW fiddleford would remember what happened with stan. How long can stan keep himself in denial?? And now we’re opening up the can of worms: how the FUCK does this information reach ford?? That your brother used to canoodle with your research partner and might STILL BE?? That has so much potential too. 

Ok I wasn’t expecting to write those last two paragraphs but it’s A BIG PART OF WHY I LOVE FIDDLESTAN!!! It’s a crazy fucking rollercoaster ride!!! This thing has so many angles!!! And that’s just MY fiddlestan interpretation - I’ve seen a lot of different takes on the sort of story that would transpire between these two. But no matter what you’re cooking, It’s always a LOT. 

There’s probably so so much I didn’t touch on here. If anyone else wants to throw in their two cents as to why they like fiddlestan, please, add something!!!

[jcollinswrites]

I love my new step daughter, even if she thinks i'm an old fart 🥹 protecting her with my life is my new duty 🫡 starting with a two hours lecture on why she shouldn't try unsafe magic at home and pool safety

To be fair, Ahmose thinks even a 25-year-old MC is an old fart, so... No hard feelings lol.

Ahmose was very much present when the priest MC gave the warning during that lecture. They very much ignored it. They would ignore it a third time too. What's life without a little adventure, right?

Ahmose, shouting from behind a corner: "The pool was Qenna's idea!"

Thanks for the message 🥰

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 31 “Wet Gas” [Episode List] Tim, Dave, Adam and Greg spend a “guys only” weekend… relaxing in the calmest and cheapest beach resort the could find. While the others enjoy the soothing sound of the waves, Tim is “forced” by Dave to enjoy instead the loud, thunderous sound of his massive farts.

POV: Tim

7:00 AM.

We parked in the middle of nowhere, grabbed our backpacks, and marched towards the only visible human-made thing.

The sign hanging just above the main entrance of the modest hotel building, a structure separating the hot asphaltic hell we were standing on from the (hopefully) beautiful beach resort, reads “Sandy Beach”, written in Comic Sans nonetheless. Very original name!

We promptly, and very maturely, misread “beach” on purpose and we had our first high IQ laugh of the weekend.

“Pretty cool, huh?” our friend Greg said, admiring the shabby entrance and leading us the way, with a smug look on his face.

Considering that he chose the place, he was obviously being very biased.

“Yeah.” I said. “Are they gonna harvest our internal organs tonight or…” 

That earned a good laugh from Dave and Adam.

“Yeah it looks like shit.” Adam said. “But as long as they have the Jacuzzi...” he glared at Greg “I’m okay with losing a liver I guess.”

“Can’t wait to rub your wet nipples, Adam.” Dave said, caressing our friend’s chest.

“Not now, Greg may get jealous.” he replied, playing along.

“Who’s gonna rub MY nipples then?” I asked, sarcastically.

Dave stepped closer to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

“Is that even a question?” he said, painfully pinching my right nipple.

I didn’t scream. 

I suffered in silence like a real man.

—

Credit where it’s due.

Once we stepped into the building, the resort turned out to be bigger and much more equipped than it looked. The beach was vast and not very crowded (it’s only late June after all), same goes for the swimming pools.

In the end we booked 2 rooms and we split like we usually do when it’s just the 4 of us: Adam and Greg in one room, me and Dave in the other.

Adam and Dave’s girlfriends were actually supposed to join us but they decided to plan a “girls only” weekend instead with other friends.

The entire building was mostly made of wood, or cladded with wood. It gave the place a more “exotic” look and, most importantly, it wasn’t boiling hot and I didn’t even need to turn the AC ON. There were palms outside, but they were made of plastic. 

Fun, I guess?

Before going to the beach we all checked our rooms first. Both me and Dave checked for some stuff in our backpacks and we changed into our “beach” clothes, which basically meant only wearing a simple t-shirt and a swimming trunks. My bro was sporting a grey t-shirt and a pair of red trunks.

I admit I gave him more than one quick look, hoping my dark sunglasses would hide my eyes glued on him. 

He is a good looking man after all. 

���Enjoying the view?” he said, his own sunglasses hiding the fact that he was staring back at me the whole time.

“You know what?” I dared to say. “Yes.”

Dave laughed at my bravery. “Thanks.” he then said, no irony, no sarcasm. “You too are looking good. Told ya you needed to exercise.”

Well this has been a weirdly sincere exchange of compliments.

“Now let’s rate your cock…”

There it is, the mandatory immature joke (but everything before that was sincere).

We grabbed our towels and I walked outside of the room, Dave right behind me, being tasked with preserving our room’s keys. 

Outside of our room there was a long and (as of now) empty corridor. I turned to Dave as he made to close the door behind us but before doing that he looked left and right, as if he was a pedestrian crossing a busy road.

“One last thing before we go…” he whispered, after he sure no one was around.

Dave held the door ajar behind him and squeezed his ass in red trunks into our room, unleashing a loud, high-pitched fart. He narrowed his eyes as he pushed the loud gas out; technically a morning fart, but fueled by a weird schedule (we woke up at like 4:00 AM to get here) and a quick, unhealthy breakfast.

“Marking your territory I see.” my snarky comment, as I witnessed my friend tainting our once immaculate room with his gas.

He laughed a bit, resulting in the fart having some “hiccups”, but he managed to finish ripping it nicely, with a final, deeper, loud note. Dave then quickly shut the door, as if the gas could escape, and locked it.

“And you did this… because?” I asked, sounding as annoying as you think.

“Because I had to fart, duh!” he replied, putting his sunglasses on.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder as we walked in the empty corridor.

“No worries, I’m gonna blast ya later.” he then said, whispering, like the bastard teaser he knows he is.

He tried to crush my nipple again but this time I parried him like the pro I am and, ignoring the fact that Dave was, as usual, being super chill with my kink (and the fact I was pitching a tent…), we raced to the beach like the immature 30 years olds that we are.

—

After some beach volley on the shoreline, we spent the next few hours sleeping under our umbrellas, because we’re old and tired of living. Still the best nap we ever had since months. We woke up and just ate a sandwich each for lunch, as we had a much more “demanding” dinner planned for tonight here at the resort.

We had another session of beach volley in the afternoon, some beers, chatted with some other guys, generally chilling and doing basically nothing, occasionally commenting on how deceptively shabby the whole resort was, imagining non-existent lore and backstories worthy of an AMC crime drama series.

—

The Sun was setting so we decided to leave the beach and go back to our rooms. It was still early for dinner or any other night activity, so I proposed to try the Jacuzzi.

“Bro.” Dave said to Adam and Greg, faking a serious, surprised expression. “Tim had… a good idea?”

Sarcasm aside, the other three idiots agreed, ‘cause after that long day of relax… we needed to relax. Makes sense.

We chose the Jacuzzi in mine and Dave’s room since it was the one actually working (the news made Greg earn some insults from Adam). After a couple of minutes of setting it up, we jumped in, fetching some beers in the process, and let the warm bubbles do their massage. 

We all felt ridiculously good. We kept chatting and joking around, chilling in the hot-tub 5ft apart ‘cause we’re not gay (well…), or at least that was the idea, but Dave (and Adam too, to be fair) had to mess with our nipples because we’re very mature, so the thing quickly turned into some kind of Mexican Standoff where we had to keep our nipples safe.

After like 15 minutes, the hydro-massage turned itself off.

“Probably a power-saving thing.” Greg commented.

Dave floated towards me and “sat” next to me. I could still see the red swimming trunks through the warm water.

“If you guys need bubbles, I got ya covered.”

At first we didn’t realize what he meant, until we remembered who were we sharing the Jacuzzi with.

We noticed him visibly pushing one out and lots of bubbles appeared all around him. 

A cartoonishingly-impressive performance from Dave, as he managed to rip it with ease even underwater, producing what essentially was a natural hydro-massage (I was next to him and I could certainly feel it). His skills earned amused and disgusted reactions (even from me), as each popping bubble let out in the air the stench of his fart. 

That wasn’t an underwater fart, that was a seaquake entirely localized in our hot-tub. As the fart kept going and more poisonous bubbles reached the surface, it felt more like we were bathing in some thermal waters near a volcano, since the whole thing smelt like sulphur (…which notably smells like rotten eggs).

After like 10 seconds, the bubbles stopped, and Dave looked at us with a smug, proud smirk, fully knowing how annoying that was. But, as bros do, we actually tipped our metaphorical hats to his incredible talent. Despite my sincere admiration, that still gave me a massive boner, which the water fortunately kept hidden.

A few minutes later, the Jacuzzi turned itself on again.

“Hey hey! That’s not me I swear!” Dave joked.

We could tell it wasn’t him: the massage wasn’t nearly as strong as his fart’s.

—

We had our dinner at the resort restaurant, which offered lots of wine and seafood, which looked mostly safe to eat, and then went back one more time in our rooms to have a quick shower before leaving again for a night pool party (always taking place in the resort), with alcohol and music. 

As I was drying my hair, Dave got out of the shower, without even bothering of covering himself with a towel. He didn’t mind and, to be honest, me neither, though I must say, he was kind of well-endowed. 

My bro pointed at me, lifted his right leg a bit and let out a short loud blast, droplets of water getting sprayed out of his bare ass in the process.

“Well said.” I simply commented.

Dave then went to the bedroom to wear some clothes despite being still wet (just a t-shirt and those red swimming trunks again), as he always does during Summer.

And so he did, ready in a matter of seconds. Perhaps this wasn’t what he was going for, but his chest being still wet made his t-shirt tighter-looking, making his pecs more visible. Dave wasn’t super muscular or anything, but he was tall, slim and fit-looking, and as I said many times he was overall a pretty good-looking guy. He didn’t bother shaving, so he had this stubble covering part of his face.

“Tim it’s super hot outside, you don’t need to dry your hair come on!” he said, checking the time on his phone.

“Alright alright, I’m coming.” I replied, slipping into a t-shirt and a pair of shorts as fast as I could.

As we approached the door, I heard Dave doing an encore of what happened this morning, only with his mouth this time. My bro uttered a rather unexpected (even though he was remarkably good at it too) loud, deep, throaty belch, which is basically a mouth-fart, so further proof of his air-bending mastery.

“Gesundheit.” I jokingly said.

Dave gave me a thumbs-up in response, though he kind of looked like there was something bothering him.

“Those shrimps are doing numbers in my stomach.” he let out another small belch. “Oof.”

“I’m sure your digestive system has seen worse.” believe me, I know what I’m talking about: this man could eat and digest an entire boar without flinching.

He replied with one more short belch though.

“We’ll see.”

—

The pool party was actually… a bit boring: there weren’t that many people and while we did manage to chat with another friend group (who was as bored as we were), we mostly drowned ourselves in alcohol and random snacks. Speaking of drowning, at one point, Dave decided to randomly push Greg into the swimming pool, as he was talking non-stop about the hard process of choosing his glasses (we promptly took them off his face before pushing him though -we’re not monsters).

Greg being the butt of our jokes reignited the party, as me and other people (including my other two buds) dived into the pool as the music got louder. Us and those other guys basically owned the place at this point, turning an otherwise boring situation into our private party. We kept drinking and chatting for a couple of hours, in and out of the water, enjoying our summer night.

—

At round 3:30 AM we called it a day (or rather, a night). The resort’s staff turned the music off and everyone went back into their rooms. We kept chatting a bit more in the hotel hall, drinking one last beer or whiskey together, before being too tired ourselves. 

The wet steps of our slippers echoed in the otherwise silent hotel as Dave and I marched towards our room (Greg and Adam’s room was on the other side of the building, relatively far from us).

“Thanks for pushing Greg into the swimming pool.” I said.

“Thank you guys for suggesting it.” 

I don’t remember doing that, though admittedly we all thought of it at the same time.

We opened the door and we were greeted by the cold breeze of the sea, as we left the windows open.

After a few steps, Dave took off his t-shirt and let himself fall on the bed, lying on his stomach and hugging his pillow.

I did the same, lying (on my back) next to him. 

I checked my phone for some messages, trying to be as quiet as possible ‘cause I thought he fell asleep, until he turned to me, tired but very much awake.

“Send me some of the photos you took later.” he said, trying to twist my right nipple.

“Doing it as we speak.”

He then reached for his own phone and, still lying on his stomach, sent Dana a quick voice message explaining how we all finally had mad sex with each other, especially Greg because he’s the hottest one.

After he finished recording, he uttered a small belch. Gay jokes are one thing, but he draws the line at belching into his girlfriend’s ears (not that Dana isn’t familiar with Dave’s skills…).

“How’s your stomach by the way?” I asked.

“I’m fine. Nothing that 2 gallons of beer couldn’t fix.” he replied, with a hint of sarcasm. “But yeah it’s all good.” he then properly admitted.

As if it was something necessary to further prove his point, Dave’s statement was followed by a sudden, thunderous fart that could very well wake all the guests in the hotel up. I got startled: I didn’t even realize he was pushing one out! Since he was lying on this stomach, the ass basically looked like an erupting volcano, the poisonous gas cloud quickly reaching my nose: the smell was terrible, a sign of Dave’s stomach getting rid of unwanted waste without actually turning into solid shit.

The 7 seconds rip was followed by another loud, short toot, finishing the blast.

“Yeah, that sounded healthy.” I simply remarked.

Somehow Dave found my comment really funny, and he laughed before his usual “fart smirk” could appear on his face every time he teases me with his farting skills.

“Yeah, my stomach could handle it, as usual.” he finally managed to say. “The real question is… can you handle it?” 

My heart stopped for a moment, because I will never get used to Dave being a chill, teasing bastard, and how he actually delivers without stopping at the tease. I knew I was going to get face-farted and if my ears didn’t lie to me, his farts were going to be huge tonight, even for his standards. I guess it happens when you stuff your strong stomach with tons of questionable seafood and gallons of alcohol.

“You know you don’t have to, right…?” I said, kind of embarrassed.

Dave sighed and laughed a bit, amused, but almost frustrated by how, somehow, I was the one who didn’t get used to such gross kink, whereas my straight bro was more than OK with blasting me, fully knowing that I liked it that way.

“I told ya I was gonna blast you later, remember?”

The fact that he remembers saying that to me while I almost forgot was almost funny to me. I found it hot, I found it nice, I found it… weird. But I guess we’re both weirdos in our own way.

My train of thoughts was derailed by another loud fart, this time lasting “only” 3 seconds, a fart that I’m almost sure Dave ripped just to get my full attention, not that it was difficult: his ass looked great in those red, tight swimming trunks and I could perfectly distinguish his asscheeks.

“Just do it.” I said, cackling nervously. 

My friend snickered. “Nah, too tired to get up, just plant your head there, I don’t care.” he said, resting his head on the pillow, as he pointed me in the direction of a different kind of pillow.

I was speechless.

“Y-you sure?” I had to ask.

“I’m going to fart in 3…2…1”

Maybe my deft movement made me look too thirsty and desperate, but Dave found it disgustingly hilarious, so that’s fine. I rushed towards my friend’s red ass, essentially obeying to his order, and planted my head between the red fabric-clad buttcheeks.

That felt… good. The ass was actually softer than I expected but what I wasn’t expecting is how much wet, damp and cold those swimming trunks still were, yet my nose, a bit deeper into my friend’s ass, was warmer. I could smell the stench of his previous rips, which the wet trunks somehow made it worse, and it felt like I was tipping my nose into sewer waters.

The fart that greeted me almost made me regret my head was where it was. A loud fart, as usual, which made my head shake; the water trapped deep into my friend’s ass produced some weird sounds, as if his anus was gargling. I could feel a “fizzy” sensation tickling my nose, my head completely blocking what felt like a powerful geyser of flatulence. 

I didn’t know if I could handle it, to be honest: the whole thing reeked like sewers and, well, shit. Dave claimed that he was feeling well, but those roars basically were his stomach turning shit into pure gas. Fart fetish or not, you learn to recognize your gassy friend’s farts, especially when he’s this talented.

The blast lasted 11 seconds, finishing off with a wet quack-like sound, which my friend actually found gross and hilarious.

“You sure you can handle it?” he threatened, knowing exactly how revolting his farts were being tonight.

“We’ll see.” I replied, echoing what he said earlier about his stomach, which he noticed.

“Well then.”

He reached for my head and grabbed it, pushing it, with a firm grip, even deeper into his anus. The thin, red fabric of his swimming trunks was the only thing separating me from the gassy hell that was my friend’s ass… and it was basically useless: Dave could very well be face-farting me bare-ass for how terrible the stench was.

I got jump-scared by a new blast erupting into my face; while pushing the fart out, Dave wiggled his ass left and right, wiping his wet ass on my face. The gargle-like sounds returned, and I felt the red trunks getting wetter, a sign that more water was being sprayed out of my friend’s ass due to the sheer power of his fart. Even though yes, it was water, it was still coming from the depths of my friend’s anus, so you can only imagine how much my nostrils were suffering in that moment.

The fart changed pitch as Dave wiggled his ass, going from an higher-pitch to a deeper one; this had nothing to do with the butt moving, as my friend is just that good at “sound-designing” (as he once put it) his own farts. Probably a side-effect of being able to fart on command, though those were all natural.

And they were all natural indeed as I never heard farts on command being this wet, not from my bro at least. Don’t get me wrong, Dave was a pro, I knew he wasn’t gonna shit on my face, but damn if the mixture of an entire multiple showers, a pool party and questionable shrimps weren’t messing with the sound of his blasts.

And the smell…

Those incredible displays of flatulence smelt like fucking shit and sewer and this on-going fart was just pure stench being shoved down my throat: I could almost taste those damn shrimps. After 16 long seconds, finally, it got less loud and as he ripped the final toots before properly stopping, Dave turned his head to check on me, but as his eyes landed on my face being devoured by his red-clad asscheeks, he laughed like the teasing, open-minded bastard that he is.

“Don’t you just love the soothing sound of the waves?”

Funny thing is, we could actually hear the so-called soothing sound of the waves from our room.

Well, as long as it’s silent.

And with Dave brewing a big one already, the silence wasn’t gonna last long.

Predictably enough, his ironic statement about the waves was followed by another rip right into my face, as he still held my head still, at the mercy of his asscheeks. It was a quick, wet thunder, lasting about 3 seconds, but damn if it was loud, perhaps the loudest one so far somehow, and one of the loudest farts I ever heard from Dave in general. The putrid stench it produced matched its power: my eyes got teary because of the dense, warm gas.

But my bro wasn’t done: still lying on his stomach and holding my head where it belonged, he spread his legs wide, occupying the entire king-sized bed, with my nose being “pulled” even deeper into the moist-y depths of his red-clad anus. I could taste the “swamp” those red swimming trunks became, now even more wet because of my own sweat. 

Also, since we’ve been to a pool party, the nauseating stench of Dave’s farts was accompanied by a faint smell of chlorine, which gave the blasts an oddly “pungent” scent (well, more than usual).

A moment of silence, another silence that was doomed to not last, then I heard my friend laugh a bit. 

“Goodbye, Tim”

When even Dave says stuff like that, you know he’s brewing a giant one.

And a giant fart it was, the final result of a long beach day, questionable food and lots of alcohol. It sounded like a chainsaw and again it had that gargle-like sound going on. I felt one more time my nose being tickled by that “fizzy” feeling coming from his anus as more water was being sprayed out of his ass, his red trunks barely able to contain that. 

The wet blast probably woke other guests I’m sure, as it was, probably, the loudest fart I ever heard, period. Or at least that’s how it sounded to me, as my face was being forcefully held there by my friend, one with the source of those beautiful farts.

Dave didn’t need to hold my head however, because I wasn’t going anywhere. I didn’t want to. 

As the loud rip pierced my eardrums, I took deep breaths and I could taste that sewer-like ass in all of its raw, gross nature. My head was shaking, the entire bed was shaking. My cock was rock hard and I knew I was reaching my breaking point.

So… I just let it happen, my own shorts conveniently hiding any evidence. I decided to embrace the best, non-verbal compliment I could make to my friend’s skills and I came right on the spot.

Not proud of it, but what I experiencing was way too hot, hot beyond my wildest dreams.

I was running out of breath, but the fart didn’t want to end. Even after I came, I still enjoyed every second of that so I kept my nose into that red swamp. 

20 seconds… how is it possible to fart like this? Considering it was all natural, why does a guy like him even need to fart on command? That’s just… too OP, but damn please don’t dare to nerf him.

I finally felt Dave’s hand letting my head go but the blast was still going, so I kept my head there as long as I could… but that was too much even for my trained nostrils.

I got back up, finally breathing some proper air, even though the entire room smelt like shit anyway.

I looked down, Dave’s ass still roaring, with my friend turning around to stare at me with his knowing, smug smirk, as he effortlessly kept casually ripping such a loud fart.

Before I could flee into the bathroom, leaving him to finish ripping this fart alone, Dave bent his legs up and, from behind, easily pulled (or rather, pushed) me down into his ass again, face-farting me for a couple of more seconds.

He then finished ripping the 32-seconds long blast, ending it with a louder toot.

Finally, the room went silent for real.

Dave was laughing like a jerk and finally let me go. I remained a couple of more seconds with my head planted into his wet, red-clad ass (he didn’t seem to mind) until I finally got up and managed to sit on the bed, even though I looked completely startled, unable to function properly.

Can you get drunk on you friend’s farts?

I was speechless, I just didn’t know what to say. 

I knew that Dave was gonna face-fart me tonight but I would have never expected his farts to be this strong, both sound-wise and stench-wise. This was an impressive feat even for him, this fuckin’ man, a man who always rips massive farts around us, around me, and on me.

“Looks like you couldn’t handle it.” he commented, adjusting his position, now lying on his back.

I stuttered something, trying to both thank him and insult him, which he found amusing.

I finally went into the bathroom and, further evidence of Dave’s hot farting skills, I masturbated. I basically had to as I was rock hard again. The sound of his blasts was still echoing into my ears and my nostrils were still burning because of that sewer-like smell. 

I came embarrassingly fast, a matter of dozen of seconds.

As I came, I heard Dave ripping another, muffled fart from the bedroom, a pretty standard one in terms of length… but I was empty, tired, even though it sounded just as good as the previous ones, albeit very short.

I need a cold shower.

Dave is right: I can’t handle this.

…

And I fucking love it.

The End

[gashotbox]

i want to be a designated fart sniffer so bad. not even like anything official, just like, imagine all the girls know when lunch today was a little weird and destroying their guts, that its just sort of wordlessly known that u get bombed w all their nasty gas

so hot. even better if theyre not even especially mean about it - just something unspokenly agreed upon. sitting around in a diner after a night out, and the food isn't sitting right. hell, someone's already ripped one. the pit of dread and heat pooling in your gut as the group’s reactions to their gurgling tummies turn from giggles to expectant looks. some apologetic, some completely nonchalant, others absolutely wicked. it just starts with one of them; a casual "hey, c'mere." as she lifts up one leg and you know your night is over. they don't even have to do anything. your cheeks burn with humiliation as you plant your nose against the damp seat of her panties like their little bitch and she blasts out a wet, splattering fart. her moan is audible. then, its just a bunch of clamouring. "ugh, fuck. bags using them next." "you, bitch? hell no, my stomach is killing me." and you're being passed around your friends underneath the table, nose between their legs in a completely unsexy manner as you huff their nasty, post mexican gas. just a bunch of lithe, jewellery clad hands shoving and manhandling you up their skirts. feet rubbing into your back and pushing you further up someone else's swampy ass as they gossip over the table, letting out the occasional grunt or breathy gasp as they pull their panties aside and push their gassy holes into your mouth. they’re your friends, aren’t they? be a sweet thing and show them how much you love them.