#polyamory flag discourse

[polyamorouspunk]

Why Don’t We Love The New Polyamory Flag?

I’m going to keep this brief because no one needs a lecture.

It was claimed that “polyamorous people voted” and this was “the word of the community” and yet no one seemed to know this vote existed or was taking place?

In the argument of “well this one is better on the eyes” there have already been designs keeping the original themes that solve that issue.

It removes some of the history attached to the original flag, history that no one seems to care about anymore. Even if you think that the pi symbol is stupid, there have been versions made with the infinity heart, a universally recognized symbol of polyamory.

The flag is very hard to recreate in many designs. As someone who makes pride bracelets, it’s very easy to recognize the blue, red, and black. This flag is harder to recreate.

It’s been said that the colors are easily mixed up with the bisexual flag or the androgynous flag, and removes that iconic individuality that the polyam flag colors have.

This isn’t me saying it’s ugly or that criticisms of the original flag aren’t valid. I’m not here to point fingers and say that it’s “problematic” and that “we need to stop using it”. I’m not even here to cry about how annoying it is that everyone calls the original flag ugly when someone of us actually like it and how tiring that negativity gets to be to hear a piece of art you like trashed. I’m simply here to say that this is NOT the new universal flag, and according to a poll *I* put out on tumblr, 60% of people reject the new flag. What you have is two camps of people, one camp that voted this new flag into existence as the majority of people in some mysterious poll and those who support this decision, and another group that has worked to keep the original flag in tact and/or has an issue with the unconventional design of the new one. At least here on tumblr you’ll find a lot of the big polyamory blogs like @polyamorouscultureis @polyamoryfacts @polyamorousmood @polyshipprompts @polyamory4life @polyamory-ponderings @polyamory-place @polyamory-imagines and so many more still using some version of the original flag. It’s not going anywhere, and I wish people would stop acting like we all threw it in the garbage.

[polyamorousmood]

Why did the original polyamorous flag fall out of favor, and why did you pick the one you did for your profile picture?

TL;DR: they called her (the OG) ugly 🥺☹️😟☹️😓

Didn't like the bright, jarring colors. Didn't like the pi symbol for "being unituitive". That's... really it afaik.

These weren't wrong, but I do still love her. Which is why I chose this popular edit. It kept the color symbolism, which I love.

I also... started this blog before the vote, so. I got attached to this one before the other one even existed.

[demonic-shadowlucifer]

(Image ID: Several flags of many colors and symbols on a white background. Above the flags is a thin green checkmark and bold black text that reads "Which pride flag should I use?". Below the flags is more bold black text in all caps, which reads "WHICHEVER FLAG YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE USING!". Below that is smaller text which reads "Because flag discourse is fucking stupid and is just thinly veiled queermisia at this point". End ID). Used the lesbian flags. pan flag, polyamory flags, aroace flag, bigender flags and the gay flags because those have the most discourse around them. Though I included the rainbow flags as well since there's like multiple of them and there's unfortunately a lot of discourse around them too (No joke, a few years ago I saw someone claim the Philadelphia pride flag, the rainbow flag with the black and brown stripes on top, was disrespectful to POC and AIDS victims???) Before anyone comes at me with "But the creator of this flag is problematic" or "But this flag copies that flag". One, just because the creator is problematic DOESN'T MEAN THE FLAG ITSELF IS PROBLEMATIC. Also, even if the flag was problematic, yall know that people can reclaim pride flags right? Second, each pride flag is a copy of one another lmfao. If we had no copies, there wouldn't be pride flags at all. And yes, I am going to say it: Telling people which pride flags they shouldn't use is just thinly veiled queermisia at this point. :/

[thatsit-thatsthepost]

my favourite thing about the polyamorous community is their continuous dedication to finding the og flag so ugly that they come up with alternate designs, and all of them managing to be just as bad, if not worse than the original

[entity9silvergen]

Not about the MLM flag but for those who do not know, the polyamory community famously has this competing flag problem so in 2022, a group called polyamproud organized a selection committee and rounds of voting to decide on a new polyamory flag. Over 30,000 polyamorous people voted and a new flag was chosen.

I do not think that we should do that again for the MLM flag but what polyamproud did was very educational (to me at least) and I support what they did, even if it was technically yet another step in the cycle.

As the image above predicted, a lot of people did not like it and a ton of people proposed new flags right after the winner was announced. Most of the posts I recall were from people who said they did not vote and did not understand the competing flag issue. This was very frustrating to me and I think op's comic explained it very well.

It's okay to not like a flag or to criticize a flag but the solution is not to introduce more flags. Learn from the polyamory community.

If anyone's curious, here are the four flags from the vote. The fourth flag is the one that won.

one thing id like to point out about pride flags is that absolutely none of them are as fuckin cool as the rubber/latex fetish pride flag. no completely indistinguishable pastels needed. so many pride flags look like you’re looking at the flag of a european microstate through foggy glasses. my colorblind ass can see exactly whats going on here and its dynamic and exciting

[artsybun]

WAS WORRIED I WOULDN’T FINISH THESE IN TIME BUT I DID!!

Last day of pride month I present to you, the absolutely insanity these characters bring me.

Listen, I’m well aware more than half these characters never interact, but with all the discourse due to Yona’s appearance in TOTK I simply think it would be neat if they all kissed, just a bit,,, I’ve existed in multi-shipping fandoms too long for my brain to think anything else lmao. You can have whatever opinions you like regarding your ships, I just think these bitches are cute and wanted to draw them being cute together <3

HAPPY PRIDE!!

//Edited order of art bc I realized I 100% should’ve put the pics going in order of LGBT+, so I did lmao.

Flag/color associations in order:

Lesbian flag, Gay (mlm) flag, Bi flag, trans flag, Pan flag, Ace flag, polyamory flag.

[sypphic]

Lesbian 4 lesbian

Lesbian loving lesbian flag(s)

For anyone identifying as lesbian who love, are attracted to or in relationships with other lesbians.

Inclusive to all lesbians, polyamory and all attraction types outside romantic or sexual.

I wasn't sure how to layout this post but the far left flag is the og idea, I like how the stripes line up better this way.

Coined by me, requested by none

Blocking if uncomfortable, no discourse allowed.

[lgbtqtext]

Rules & Guidelines (Read first!)

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[aroacesafeplaceforall]

I remember in the beginning when I first got on here on Tumblr, I would see a lot of discourse around the sunset aroace flag and such, people saying that the flag is offensive to use because the creator of the flag is an exclusionist???? I think??? It's been awhile since I've last seen discourse on the flag so I could be misremembering. And as a baby aroace, I was confused and terrified, I wasn't sure if I should continue supporting the sunset aroace flag or not.

Just an early memory/ experience I had within the community I wanted to share.

Oh god yes, the discourse around this bloody flag.... Alright lesson time!

The main issue a lot of people have with MANY pride flags is the problematic actions of their creators. A reminder that just because the persons actions are questionable, does not mean we throw out the whole flag and in some fucked up cases the sexuality.

If we go down that route we end up throwing away a lot of flags, including flags like the Pan flag (most well know one, pink-yellow-cyan) The Gay man flag (green-light green-white-light blue- blue), basically every polyamory flag has some drama around it and even the iconic bisexual flag and well known lesbian flag aren't safe from this.

Bottom line is; its stupid as fuck. It doesn't matter and it tears the community apart for no reason. If you have the energy to fight about fags you have the energy to fight about real-world issues.

[goobersnart]

Joyqueer

Image description of flag is tba

I want to preface this coining post with the following:

This blog is not a discourse blog or a coining blog! We don't take requests for this stuff. If you start shit you will be blocked and ignored! ^_^

The emojicode (cus we're a sucker for 'em): 🌤️🌈

Feel free to do whatever the fuck you want w/ this flag, it's a pretty flag, have fun with it!

This is a long post, be prepared HELP

Joyqueer is essentially a blankqueer term where one prefers to focus on positivity. They try and look on the bright side of things, even in the darkest of hours.

Even though Joyqueer focuses on the positivity, it doesn't condone toxic positivity. We're not naïve, the world isn't sunshine and rainbows 24/7. We look on that side when applicable to ease life and stress because focusing on the bad 24/7 and being drowned in misery is painful and hurts.

This stance is for good faith terms/identities, follows P.L.U.R (Peace, Love, Unity (and), Respect), and users might spread positivity and joy amongst others.

This stance is supportive & inclusive of/to the following:

Mspec queers (ie mspec lesbians, gays, biles, bipan, etc.), gender anarchy (being a girlboy, transfemasc thing, having no gender while having gender, etc), & relationship anarchy (being aplatonic, being loveless, having sex with your friends and or doing things with friends that others consider "weird", polyamory, being with objects and or stuffed animals, etc)

System inclusive with the respect of cultures and against spreading misinformation.

Inclusive of ones with cluster B disorders and to educate about them and spread joy to the ones with the disorders that are suffering. NPD abuse doesn't exist, and pw HPD/BPD/ASPD aren't bad for existing!

Anticontact paraphiles that are just existing in a world that sadly doesnt understand them. attraction isn't action and no matter how ""harmful"" the attraction is (attracts cannot be harmful as thought crimes dont exist), you aren't a bad person for something you cannot control.

Anti-censorship in art and storytelling; fiction freedom in the largest of sense. Fiction isn't on the same level as reality, characters are the dolls you play with.

Youth liberation; realizing that the youth isn't stupid and that children are people too.

Atypical dysphoria and the ones that're nonhuman and or alterhuman, extranthrope, altsex, therian, objectkin, conceptkin, etc. A means to spreading positivity and joy to the ones suffering with odd and unusual dysphoria. This includes transhumanism and the personal choice of deciding what one does to ones body; this includes things that you'd find personally uncomfortable/harmful.

This stance is not supportive & inclusive of/to the following:

Transitioning to harmful transids (transnazi, transracist, transblack, transasian, etc.)

xenosatanism

any sort of harassment

antitheism/abolition of religion

Like I said above the cut, any sort of hate will get deleted. Spread positivity to the ones that need it, the world needs more positivity. If one has any questions, feel free to ask! :]

[polyamorouspunk]

Your friend made a non-eyestrainy polyam flag? I'd like to see it :).

Can I ask what your issue is with the polyam proud flag?

Yes! Here’s the link:

And if that one doesn’t strike your fancy there’s also these:

As for my (and many other people’s) issue with the flag, they’ve been stated here:

[polyamorousmood]

Not the original anon, but I would love to hear why you picked what flag(s) you did! Or your opinions on any of them, honestly. Personally I like the tricolor that was voted on in '22

In no particular order

I disliked that the vote was predicated on the assumption that "everyone agrees the OG flag sucks". Not everyone thought that, and some of us who didn't love the OG flag were in fact already attached to variants on the OG flag (me, I'm talking about myself)

I like the color symbolism of the old flag! I liked that it included black! It just felt like it would prompt people not in the know to ask if it was a math thing with the pi symbol, and I didn't want to answer those questions😅 Yeah, the OG colors were a little intense to view on a screen, but again, many variants addressed this. That's why I have the one I do as the profile pic for this account

I also REALLY disliked that none of the variants presented in the vote paid true homage to the original! On the whole, when other flag updates have happened, it has been iterative: the sunset lesbian flag was inspired by the "lipstick lesbian" flag after it got cancelled, which was in turn inspired by the bear pride flag, etc etc. This is not always the case, of course, but NOT ONE of their proposed designs was... anything close to the OG.

And it really felt like they were like "once this vote is over, that's the REAL polyam flag. sure you COULD use the others, I guess, but it'll show how much of a stick in the mud you are!"

Also fell prey to the classic XKCD 927 problem:

Having said that, my favorite one of the available options did win the vote. So I'm glad for that. I also liked that their publicity push helped spread the word about polyamory in general.

I thought I had more thoughts, but that's all that's coming to mind right now

[not-so-lost-after-all]

I saw some of your posts about how the game implemented the poly thing in regards to Astarion and I have to agree with you, the lack of dialogue in which Tav can tell him that he's enough, that they don't need another person in their relationship is glaring! I suppose they didn't include it because they didn't want to offend the fans who are for the arrangement, in case Astarion would've reacted too happily at the player telling him he's enough (realistically he would be VERY happy)? Either way, it's stupid. The whole thing is very badly done and I think the fandom should stop pretending Larian wrote this well and act like it's good poly representation. They didn't and it isn't. Yeah, some people will be offended if you tell them the truth, but this doesn't mean the rest of us should sweep the bad writing under the rug so we don't hurt some feelings. Clearly Larian intended to portray a healthy polyamory relationship in which all parties enthusiastically consented but I think in their desire to do so, they overwrote it inadvertently portrayed the type in which a partner agrees to this type of arrangement not for their own sake, but for their partner's. Oh and I love how these people guilt trip other fans, saying they're infantilizing Astarion for questioning how genuine he was about it or for not liking how the devs implemented poly, or accusations of hating real poly people, poly erasure and so on. If Larian wrote this well, most of the discourse surrounding this issue wouldn't exist.

Fans of this choice will chide you for having doubts and tell "it's normal for him to have insecurities, you just have to reassure him and it's all fine" and will also point to the dev notes saying Astarion is genuine about it except…you can even CONFIRM that his insecurities are true, that you have a problem with him NOT fucking you and he's still fine with it. What the fuck, Larian? Maybe I'm getting something wrong, but him accepting this kind of disrespect from his partner who outright tells him they care more about sex than him as a person is either a red flag which confirms he still has problems setting up his boundaries or again…bad writing. Not sure which is worse. Personally, I tend to believe it's both and after the new Mizora datamined lines in which the player CAN still manipulate him into forgiving the cheating I have to say it's quite clear that he can still be taken advantage of. Sorry, but a person who can healthily establish a boundary won't forgive his partner cheating on him, let's not pretend otherwise. It's GREAT that he's still confronting the player about what they had done, but it's not a good sign that he can forgive a cheater. Oh and let's not forget how before the datamined dialogue for the Mizora cheating many people used the fact that Astarion was seemingly okay with it and didn't have any disparaging reaction as proof of him being open minded about allowing the player to have casual sex with anyone…

Also, why the confidence about believing that Halsin will keep it at sex only when it's clear it's also about feelings for him. Yeah, he has prior experience with this, but is it really enough? It creates the impression that Tav is either lying to Astarion that their relationship with the druid will only be about sex or that Tav is lying to Halsin, therefore using him for sex only when clearly it's more than that for him since feelings are also involved on his part. Again, Larian didn't really think this through. Oh and it gets worse when nothing in the game suggests that Astarion even likes Halsin, if anything he talks about finding him annoying…

It's fucked up that that the Halsin conversation ends up with him agreeing with it no matter what you're going to say. People will probably say "well, Astarion is polyamorous, that's why he simply agrees with it"… well, for someone who's supposedly been written as poly from the beginning, he never brings it up on his own! It's always the player the one who does it. Since communication is so important, we should've had the option to discuss such matters at some point. What type of relationship he prefers to have with the player? Is it fine if the player only wants him? Maybe he would've told us he doesn't want to be in a monogamous relationship and that at some point he will seek out other partners on his own. Or I guess only Tav is allowed to have others on the side?

Now post-Cazador the whole thing feels less bad, but not by much. His impersonation of Halsin, the exaggerated laugh, the 'it's okay if things between us change' lines…sorry, it just puts you off. Not to mention it just doesn't fit into his romance arc, especially when he remains a spawn. He's in his first real relationship with a person he just confessed his love for and very importantly, he's just began to learn that sex can also be about having a loving, intimate connection with his loved one, and more than what he was forced to do, more than scratching an itch and you just prove the opposite by doing whatever you can to have sex with others. It's just bad. (and to ask bluntly, why do people act as if Tav will die if they go on without having sex for a while? oh the horrors!! Not everything has to be about sex all the time)

To argue that well, actually going poly is GREAT for Astarion and that he must be likely relieved about Tav having someone else to have sex with because it takes the pressure from him in the relationship to perform and now he has time to figure himself out…yeah, just stop. This is just coping and headcanon lol. He doesn't need his lover to fuck other people in order for him to figure what he likes, get real. Now I could be persuaded into thinking that in the future when he will have had more actual experience about what being in an actual relationship entails, he could be truly open to trying poly, but right now, to open the first and ONLY real relationship (that's a few months old!!) he has to poly seems a bit cruel from Tav's part. Had HE been the one initiating this, maybe it would've felt different. The only one getting anything positive out of this is Tav. I think it's silly to pretend otherwise. The same goes for the orgy as well (yes, he does consent to both, I'm not saying otherwise), it's bothering me a lot how a lot of people in the fandom think you NEED to take him to the brothel and have an orgy for him because, apparently, they say it's essential to his healing journey. I had someone tell me I'm a bad partner for not doing this with him, that I'm intantilizing and taking away his agency and freedom to choose…so, yeah. This is the BG3 fandom for you.

Regardless, people should of course feel free to do anything they like in the game without being judged or called a bad person, but those of us who feel uncomfortable about certain things shouldn't be dismissed as mere haters or bigots. Our criticism is still valid. It's funny how you can criticize the writers for pretty much everything you want except the horny parts of the game…now that's when people get really angry and come for your head.

Now this ask got so incredibly long, sorry about it! I'll just end this by saying I like your blog and agree with your takes about Astarion (oh and yes checking Astarion's tag on tumblr is a challenge in itself, sone of the stuff you can find there...ugh). It's just nice finding fans out there who aren't insane about him in a bad way and who don't praise every writing decision the devs made just for the sake of it.

Nonnie, yeah, it was long but it was apparently important for you to vent 🙂 I'm sorry if the sex positive crowd left a bad taste in your mind. I honestly prefer to stay in my small corner of the fandom and usually don't bother to argue or correct anymore. I've said many things you have mentioned myself and I'm probably done with this topic. It's pointless to be upset about what some people do with their barbies - but you should hold you ground when someone says something idiotic like that the brothel experience is "healing" and you should defo do it for him. The poly thing is so badly done I'm not even sure why he'd dismiss that option with Shadowheart in Act 3 if he's poly, to be honest.

[redtail-lol]

Presenting, Enderqueer

[Image ID: 2 6-striped flags. They are the same flag, but the one on the left has an end portal overlay, which makes it darker with lighter rectangular speckles. Colors on the right's, in descending order, are: pink; light purple; dark purple; black; dark teal-blue; slightly dark sea green. The right has darkened versions of these same colors. End ID.]

My own blankqueer label. I've been wanting to make one for a while. Name and flag based on the End dimension from Minecraft.

Core principles of Enderqueer:

The core principles of Enderqueer are as follows

The right to self identification with little restrictions and rules.

Inclusion of non-harmful identities in the communities they say they belong to.

Respecting the identities of people even if you do not understand.

Giving everyone a chance to explain their identity before deeming it harmful; as well as respecting someone's choice to not explain and assuming good faith rather than passing judgement.

Putting experiences over definitions; allowing all labels to have outliers if they're comfortable with the label even when it doesn't fit them perfectly.

Queer liberation and the advancements of our rights.

Destroying heteronormativity, cisnormativity, exorsexism, intersexism, allonormativity, amatonormativity, and mononormativity (all 3 meanings of mono: monosexuality, monogenderism, and monogamy).

Enderqueer beliefs:

On identity, enderqueer believes the following

Most forms of self identification are valid, however anything that is identified with for harmful reasons (such as transphobia, biphobia/multiphobia, homophobia, ableism, racism, etc.) or things that are harmful regardless of reason (such as transabled, transrace for non-adoptees, transnazi, shit like that), are not valid.

It is okay to ask questions about identities you don't understand or think are harmful before fully accepting them without question. However, if a person doesn't want to answer, that is their right, and it doesn't give you the right to argue against or hate their identity. Assume good faith and maybe ask others who have similar identities.

Identity is complicated and every label, regardless of definition, can and will have outliers, and this is not a problem

Experiences and personal comforts are more important than definitions

All mspec identities are valid and are not biphobic

All aspecs are queer unless the aspec person in particular says they aren't.

All Polyamory, ambiamory, and other nonmonogamy is queer unless the polyam/non-monogam person in particular says they are not queer.

Redundant terms are okay

Multigendered and genderfluid people are "really" their genders. The existence of their other genders or the temporary nature of their genders don't make them less real

On paraphilias, enderqueer believes the following

Paraphilias are morally neutral. Paraphiles who's paraphilias are nonconsensual or harmful to themselves or others deserve support and recovery, and paraphiles who's paraphilias are not harmful should be allowed to act on it. Paraphilias that can either be harmful or not harmful should only be practiced in a safe and ethical way.

On flag discourse, enderqueer believes the following

Flags should not be gatekept from certain groups unless they are specific to one identity or one group of identities. people can decide to use your flags based on your beliefs.

Controversial original flags can be used regardless of if you agree with the creators, but replacement flags should not be used by people who don't agree with the sentiments behind the cancellation. Racist transphobes should not use the orange and pink lesbian flag. Mspec lesbians and supporters should not use the new pan or aroace flags. This is because the new flags have a goal: punish the original creator for a belief by replacing their work. Using replacement flags is accomplishing that goal, and if you agree with the original creator, you shouldn't punish them.

Multioriented and abrosexual people are "really" their orientations. The existence of their other orientations or the temporary nature of their orientations don't make them less real

Other things enderqueer believes the following

Queer labels should not concern themselves with non-queer issues, as that is a different part of one's identity. Making queer labels that concern themselves with non-queer issues excludes the people who are either uneducated on the topic or have no business voicing the opinion because they are not a part of the community or even adjacent.

Gender is real. Social constructs are powerful things that can cause real and observable phenomenon in the brain, and gender being real doesn't invalidate any funky gender identity

Gender Abolition is transphobic. Gender is the identity, and taking away gender leaves nothing but biological sex which may still allow binary trans people to exist if they experience dysphoria but will definitely erase all nondysphoric and nonbinary people.

Transmisogyny and transmisandry are real

POC queers are an unremovable and important part of the queer community

What does enderqueer explicitly support?

Enderqueer supports the following identities, actions, or forms of identification:

Unlabeled identities

People who use few labels for themselves

Termcollectors and labelhoarders

All aspecs, including loveless aros, any sex stance for aces, romance stance for aros, friendship stance for apls, etc, and atertiaries

Anti-contact, pro-recovery paraphiles who's paraphilias are harmful to themselves or others

Paraphiles who's paraphilias are not harmful to themselves or others

Paraphiles who's paraphilias can be harmful or can be safe who only act on them in a way that is safe and ethical

Mspec monos

Mspec gays, veldians, lesbians, cenelians, enbians, straights, etc who do not consider themselves monos

Straightbians, straight gays, straight veldians, gaybians/velaurians, and other labels often used by multigender people

Lesboys, turigirls, ceneliboys and ceneligirls, enbiboys and enbigirls, trixiboys and trixigirls, and toriboys and torigirls

Any other form of "contradictory" labels

Aspec and non-aspec SAM

Xenogenders

Xenidens, or xenoids used in reclamation

Allion orientations

Gender nonconformity, including pronoun nonconformity

Neurolabels, when used by people who have those conditions

Reclamation of slurs and derogatory terms, even when used as an identity

Transracial adoptees

Transspecies therians

Transage chronosian or transage age regressors

What does enderqueer explicitly denounce?

Enderqueer denounces the following identities, actions, or forms of identification:

Radqueers

Winterqueers or Winterpunks

Transidentities that are not transgender, transrace adoptees, therian transspecies, or chronosian/agere transage

Pro-contact harmful paraphilias or neu-contact harmful paraphilias. This also applies to unethical or unsafe ways of acting on a paraphilia that can be done in a safe, ethical way

Comp-contact for paraphilias that can never be safe or ethical in practice

Anti-recovery for ANY paraphilias. Nonharmful paraphiles may choose to recover anyway

Anti-contact for paraphilias that are never dangerous or unethical

Radical feminists

Not recognizing attraction to elsegender people as being just as real and valid as attraction to aptobinary people. This includes calling all exclusive lesbians monosexual, saying all sexualities inherently include elsegender people, thinking enbians are choosing to date nonbinary people or cenelians are choosing not to date aptobinary people, rather than recognizing that they are attracted to other elsegender people, potentially exclusively, or calling WLN and MLN labels transphobic or enbyphobic

Bad faith labels such as superstraight, quasihomosexual, animesexual (though animesexual can be reclaimed by fictosexuals), and others made to mock queerness or justify bigotry

What is enderqueer neutral on, or what does enderqueer not believe needs to be part of a blankqueer label?

Enderqueer is stanceless on the following:

Syscourse

Shipcourse

Self diagnosis

Furries

Alterhumanity (OP supports and it's close to queer discourse but ultimately I decided it was far enough removed that it didn't need to be included)

Engaging with problematic media and/or creators

Kink at pride (I know this one is super relevant but I don't have any strong opinions and the ones I do have are very mixed)

Enderqueers may have no opinion on the above issues, or a stance that they do not believe is important to a blankqueer label. Or they may just agree with everything else included under enderqueer and choose to use it.

[valentinebugzee]

My red flag is that I do not care about queer discourse, "Lesboys" I don't care!! "neopronouns" go outside and look actively look for those people that are "making trans folks look bad" you can't because you don't go outside at all "people say I don't look gay enough" congrats on having less of a chance getting jumped!! and those people probably don't actually gaf!! "Polyamory is bad" I thought our catchphrase was love is love and WHY WOULD I CARE

I have way way way bigger problems in my life that revolve around being queer and are actually life threatening, imo being privileged enough to be openly queer and having your biggest problem with the lgbtq+ community being shit that wouldn't actually affect you is a big ass waste of time, and no actually I can't care about both because if I SOMEHOW divide my attention between keeping myself safe in an (ACTUALLY) homophobic country, fearing for and supporting other queers in countries similar to mine, bending over backwards holding on to my culture and religion and sexual/gender identity and mundane discourse in a community that doesn't do shit to support me and/or represent me and straight up deny my existence sometimes, I WOULD GO INSANE.

[needledreamweaversrpgideas]

hi. i want to know things. do you consider yourself one of the below categories, and if so do you call yourself the word queer or not.

a note: this is ONLY about whether or not YOU call YOURSELF this. this is not asking if you are okay with OTHER PEOPLE calling you the word queer.

(i am going to assume if you are ok with other people calling you that than you are ok with/Do call Yourself it? but i know stuff is situational sometimes. that will be its own question in a followup poll i think)

category 1: participation in genders

i'm saying just "genders" instead of "not cis" to include both fully binary trans people, nonbinary people, and agender people (-> people who are never their first gender) and also fluid gender stuff + multiple gender stuff where people are sometimes their first gender and so they're sometimes cis and stuff. also system shit where people have multiple genders and it gets complicated and stuff

this is also to include people who Used To Gender and now have detransitioned/desisted/etc but still feel Weird about calling themselves cis again or still calling themselves not cis. you don't have to worry about it we love and support you here

(yes it is funny to include the "my gender is i don't have it" in the "i have/participate/used to participate in genders" category but idk where else i would put that.)

category 2: same-sex and/or same-gender attraction

are you gay are you lesbian are you homosexual. are you bi are you pan are you any of the other multisexual ones (omni and poly (i think that one's spelled ply to differentiate it from polyamory??? idk it's got a cute candy colored flag tho).

do you experience attraction to people who are in any of the same categories as you, exclusively to that category or including that and others?

(exclusively vs inclusively is like. the difference between lesbian and sapphic. between gay™ and achillean. etc. i know there's words for "nbLnb Only" adn "nbLnb but not only nb" but i don't remember what they are)

category 3: aro and/or ace spectrum

and now for the "do you have attraction to anybody at all lol" category. both this category and the previous one count under "not straight" but i like it when things are specific so i'm differentiating them.

there's no room for "i am completely cisgender heterosexual heteromantic" as its own two options ( @ tumblr up the question limit again) so if you are that and you want to leave input about whether or not you call yourself the word queer for any reason i will read the tags?

hopefully this is worded in as polite and inclusive a way as possible. if you're an asshole on this post i'll block you this is for KNOWLEDGE purposes not DISCOURSE. i did enough of that in 2016 i'm old and tired and there's no point to fighting about it online. go donate money to planned parenthood stand up for people's rights in person that's more important than yelling at people on the internet