#polle says: asexuals are valid!

[th3cadav3r]

Hello! I think a nice sfw fluff scenario for the Tulpar crew would be headcanons of how each character would react when the reader hesitantly tells them they don’t like sex or are asexual. Reader can be gn. Thank you, I really like your headcanon writings!

SFW Mouthwashing Headcanons—Asexual Reader

content: fluff, kissing, cuddling, mentions of sex, very very very slight acephobia from Jimmy(but with a happy ending)

author’s note: Keep in mind that I am not asexual therefore I cannot understand or fully grasp the asexual experience. I just tried my best based on what I’ve seen and heard online. Hope you enjoy!

Daisuke

You and him had been dating for about three weeks

You always held hands and made out a lot, but nothing more than that

His libido is pretty high because of his age, so naturally he wanted more

You were making out on the couch when suddenly you felt his hands start to wander

It was fine at first until his hand started reaching a little too low for comfort

“Wait—”you blurt out

He stops immediately, retracting his hand

“Sorry, did I do something wrong?” His voice is full of genuine concern

“No, it’s not your fault. I just uh…don’t want that”

He was a little confused. “We can move to my bed if you want” He suggests, thinking that you just wanted more privacy than the living room provided

“No, I…I mean I don’t want to have sex. It’s not you, it’s me. I just don’t like it”

He didn’t expect that but he understood. He smiled reassuringly

“That’s alright. I get it”

You breathed a sigh of relief and your body relaxed. You felt like you truly didn’t deserve such a sweet boyfriend

“Here—we can just cuddle instead” He offers with his arms open. You gladly accept

You spent the rest of the afternoon napping together and playing video games when you woke up

This was definitely different for him compared to his previous relationships, but he didn’t care. He loves you for you

Anya

You started dating towards the end of the trip

She’s more of a words of affection girl than a physical touch girl, which is perfect for you

At one point when things started to get a bit steamy, you finally told her

“Before this gets too far…you should know something about me”

You tell her how you feel no desire for sex but that you still love her the same. Of course she’s understanding once you explain it to her

“I appreciate that you told me”

You both have a long discussion about what is and isn’t okay in regards to your and her comfort. And you both come out of the conversation with a much better and deeper understanding of each other

Now whenever you and her get touchy, she knows exactly what to do to make you feel good without crossing the line

Curly

There was no doubt about it: You were the captain’s favourite

You spent a lot of time alone with him in the cockpit just chatting about the most random things

He definitely grew a liking to you and you to him. One day he asked you what exactly he was to you

You confessed your feelings to him and he does the same. While the moment feels amazing, you can’t help but feel worried about his reaction to your sexuality

“Hey, I should let you know–” You decide to just tell him now. “–I don’t really want this to be a sexual thing, okay?”

He’s a bit taken aback, you can clearly see that in his face. But he is by no means offended or upset

“No worries, then,” he reassures. “Thanks for telling me”

For the next few days, he was very overly cautious. He asked if you were comfortable before he gave you any kind of physical affection. It was a bit exhausting at first, but you appreciated that he cared so much

Swansea

Let’s be real: This man is old

His sex drive is almost all long gone

And he let you know this when you told him about your lack of sexual desire

“Yeah, so what?” he says gruffly and bluntly. “I’m fifty-fuckin’-six years old, sweetheart. Just thinking about sex makes my back hurt”

You were totally expecting that response. It still made you smile from ear to ear though

He wasn’t really a lovey-dovey type of guy when the others were around, but when you two were alone in his bedroom he was a lot more affectionate. Cuddles, kisses, caresses…everything he did was so gentle and comfortable

Jimmy

You’re definitely a lot closer to him than anyone else on board, even Curly

Neither of you really knew where you stood in terms of a relationship, but your “hangouts” included a lot of making out and touching

This was fine initially, but at a certain point it became too much for you

“Hold on—”You grab his wandering hand and move it off of your body

“What?” He was genuinely surprised that you stopped him

“This is going a bit too far for me”Your body tenses up, anticipating a very awkward and uncomfortable conversation

“What do you mean?” He sounded a little hurt and a bit annoyed

“I don’t…have a drive like that. I don’t want to do sexual stuff”You laid it all out for him

He was quiet for a bit. You couldn’t exactly read his face so you were starting to get a little nervous

“It’s not because of me, right?”

“No, of course not,” you reassure. “That’s just how I am”

He sighs. Whether it was out of relief or frustration you couldn’t tell

“Alright”

The atmosphere between you and him was a little awkward for the next few days. You couldn’t help but worry

“Sorry if I was being distant,” he finally told you one afternoon. “Just thinking things through”

“That’s alright” You were lying; you were a little upset that he basically ghosted you after you were so vulnerable with him, but you were willing to just let it go, at least for now

“I know you have your…thing. But I still like you”

Well that was a surprise. But a good one. Definitely a good one. You told him that you liked him back

He was a bit disappointed that he couldn’t do everything he hoped to do with you, but he still liked you a lot. Besides, he could always just “take care” of himself in private

[anistarrose]

If you were an a-spec exclusionist (or even "neutral") in the 2010s on Tumblr, if you remember laughing at "cringe aces," and have since come around to realize "hey that was kinda shitty, obviously aces and aros are queer," then you've obviously taken a huge step forward. But if you haven't actually evaluated what subtler forms of aphobia look like and unlearned those too, then you absolutely need to do that, or else internalized biases will persist in this community that make a-specs feel unsafe.

The most rampant and insidious type of aphobia on Tumblr in the past few years hasn't been about explicitly saying you hate/want to exclude asexuals. People who don't consider themselves "exclusionists" regularly pass it around. The degree to which a-spec terminology and microlabels still get mocked, and used as punchlines, also cannot be overstated.

Below, I've linked a variety of posts about what aphobia looks like, what commonly misunderstood/mocked a-spec terminology really means, and how a-spec people differ from common stereotypes and misconceptions. I don't expect everyone to read every one of these posts. There are some long ones. But I know Tumblr would be a significantly less hostile experience for a-spec people if everyone unlearning aphobia looked at, and reflected critically about, at least a few.

Subtle Aphobia; A-Specs and Sex Positivity

[PT: "Subtle Aphobia, Aces and Sex Positivity."]

Common Modern Aphobia, Critical Thinking Questions About "Cringe" Ace Posts on the Dashboard

Tumblr Polls as Harassment Bait

Sex Repulsion Vs. Sex Negativity - Know the Difference

Acephobia and Ableism, Queer Social Spaces "Discourse"

Hey, What Do Those Terms We Mocked Actually Mean?

[PT: "Hey, What Do Those Terms We Mocked Actually Mean?"]

Origin, Use, and Etymology of "Allosexual"

Why "Queerplatonic" Doesn't Have a Set Definition, and Why That Matters (from the actual people who coined it!)

"Queerplatonic is to relationships what nonbinary is to gender"

"Amatonormativity" as Defined by Elizabeth Brake

Amatonormativity Affects More Than Just Aces and Aros

On mocking people's labels — "I want to limit your ability to communicate"

Masterpost of A-Spec Readings

Aromantic Allosexuals (Yes, Including Men)

[PT: "Aromantic Allosexuals (Yes, Including Men)"]

"Aroallos are often treated as inherently "more sexual" than other allosexuals. Here's why that assumption happens, and why it's bullshit."

Romantic Attraction Is Not Required To Respect Women

You can't support aroallos without unlearning sex negativity

Further Readings on Aphobia

[PT: "Further Readings on Aphobia"]

The problems with "Asterisk Acceptance"

"Aces are Valid" doesn't cut it

Aphobia Was Bad, It Was Bigotry, It Was Part of the TERF Pipeline

Bi person discusses parallels between aphobia and other queerphobia

Bi and trans person discusses parallels between aphobia and other queerphobia

Asexual Women of Color Navigating White Patriarchy

"Trauma is not a factor by which queerness should be measured" - excerpt from Refusing Compulsory Sexuality, and related discussion

Arophobia: "You say you accept aromanticism, but..."

"The World is Not Made For Single People"

[aspecmemesdaily]

I saw a poll about "should k!nk be allowed at pride", and one person commented that if you chose the first option (that it should be only allowed at 18+ pride events), you are a traitor to the community. And it upsets me. The first option didn't say that it should be forbidden, it says that it should only be in adult spaces. I'm a sex repulsed asexual and a minor. Does wanting to avoid things that make me very uncomfortable makes me a traitor?

(God, overthinking sucks)

Dear anon,

No, wanting to avoid things that make you uncomfortable does not make you a traitor to the community. Pride should be a safe and inclusive space for everyone, and your comfort levels and boundaries are not any less valid or important than anyone else's. Please don't rack your brain over the comment of one person.

Actually, I share your opinion. If movies, games, etc. involving sex are FSK 18, if strip clubs or adult shops are 18+ (or so I presume), then why should a live display of kink be accessible to minors? That does not mean I'm totally against kink at non-explicitly 18+ pride events—I think they should display it as long as the display isn't explicit and they're considerate of others (this especially includes minors, sex-repulsed acespecs, other people who are uncomfortable seeing such displays, victims of sexual assault and rape, other people with trauma related to such topics, the list goes on...) because they too have a responsibility to respect others.

I want to say that I totally support kink to be a part of pride, but as a fairly sex-repulsed minor myself, I think that those who display kink at all-accessible pride events have the same responsibilities to respect and be considerate of their fellows as anyone else, and should give a warning, because it can cause serious harm if not handled appropriately, especially to people like those listed in the small brackets above.

[science-lings]

Extra details bc polls have a character limit and I am a certified yapper

1- Naturally quiet Bruce my beloved, selectively mute even. He knows he's bad at words and if he doesn't know what to say he just doesn't say anything at all and that is not good for being a decent communicator. Thankfully Cass doesn't need words to know, so they just hang out without saying a single thing.

2- Brucie is who he is when he HAS to interact with people and HAS to come off as 'normal' and it has never been who he really is. Also, this guy fixates on strategizing and some of the most random things with the excuse that it could be useful at some point, he has trouble in social and emotional situations. Yes, Battinson opened my eyes to this concept and I am not letting it go.

3-As much as I like the masks having glowing white lenses, I need them to put makeup on each other for crime-fighting reasons. Battinsons raccoon eyes are so important to me. I want to see him carefully putting some green eye makeup on a hyperactive 9 yo Dick Grayson RIGHT NOW

4-Titus and Ace have gone through therapy dog training (specifically for PTSD) and the rest are only qualified because they make Damian feel better, they don't actually get much special treatment. He just likes introducing people to his emotional support cow/turkey/bat-dragon-demon creature/ Alfred (cat).

5- I think canonically he can cook and the joke is that haha he needs Alfred to do everything for him but like this guy went alone off the grid for years and can in fact take care of himself or at least his basic health needs. The thing is that when he cooks he gets distracted while things are cooking and forgets to put on timers. He just puts food low on the scale of things that are important to pay attention to so if anything comes up to take his attention he's screwed. He works better if he's part of a group of people cooking or there's someone there to tell him to pay attention.

6- I think while the Waynes were alive, Alfred was mostly pretty distant, he was part of the staff even if he was one of their favorites. He wasn't Bruce's nanny or anything. But he was trusted by them and they didn't trust any other family to take care of Bruce in the event of their death. Even after the Incident, Alfred wasn't really prepared to raise a child, I feel like we always make Alfred the emotionally intelligent one when he mostly raised Bruce post-horrific trauma. I don't think Alfred is perfect, I think there was always that barrier keeping him and Bruce from really connecting during his childhood.

Bruce saw everyone leave, his parents, the rest of the staff, and he is convinced that one wrong move means that Alfred will leave him too so he doesn't want to do something wrong and drive his last person away. Even though he is a traumatized child filled with rage, every time it becomes too much and he gets into a fight or breaks something he is terrified that means Alfred will find someone else to take care of him. Slowly this fear fades but it comes back when he turns 18 bc that's when he becomes an adult which means Alfred won't be obligated to stick around. But it comes and goes and Alfred is... still there? It's only at this point that he starts to think of Alfred as part of his family and over the years he actually allows himself to think of Alfred as his father.

7- I don't think I have to explain this one, I think he has a weird relationship with sex and will seduce people for the Mission but has never been particularly into it. Sometimes he does it because that's what his partners want but if no one asks for it or there's no outside reason to do it, he has better things to do. Maybe he's even uncomfortable with it but can do it to keep up pretenses and because that's what Brucie would do.

8- I think the big scary vampire-coded vigilante should take off his big scary cape and wrap it around his kids and carry them off into the night. It's good for people going into shock as well. I think it is secretly very warm. It is also a good hiding place for robins of a certain size. Full-grown Jason would have trouble hiding there but its blanket use is still fully applicable.

9-We typically only see the big cavern with all the vehicles and the batcomputer but I think it would be fun if that was just the Hub of the cave system. There are tunnels that lead to labs and rooms made for the creation and upkeep of armor and other vigilante wear, there are quarantine rooms and containment vaults, target ranges and a surgery center and so much more. It is a labyrinth in there and there is always a new section being worked on. There is also a tunnel that leads to the Drake residence which made it especially easy for Tim to sneak home when he needed to.

10- how is this 40(?) yo man doing the splits while fighting, he does flips, how is he moving like that. He's not just a big strong guy, he's also fast and evasive and I like to think that aside from the lack of quips, he did a pretty good job convincing ppl he was Nightwing that one time.

[bardace]

I’m genuinely curious bc I saw a post saying it was widely accepted that eugene finch is aroace, but I personally haven’t seen a lot of aroace eugene stuff? I hc him as aroace for reasons I could write a paragraph about but I won’t so as not to influence the poll but I’m curious what people think (and all hcs are valid!! he doesn’t have a canon sexuality so it’s ok to hc whatever you like!!!)

[kayak-lmao]

just wanted to say i saw the dumbass poll about "🤓 oh aro men aren't actually lgb-"

Yes?? They are???

The A in lgbtqia+ literally stands for the Asexual and Aromantic spectrums as well as agender (which might also be a spectrum but im unsure)

Just because they are men doesn't give anyone the right to exclude them. Just because certain predators try to use the label as an excuse to abuse women does not mean that actual aro men aren't valid. The fact that so many people voted that they don't count actually disgusts me. If you think that certain people don't have a right to certain identities due to things like gender, race, or sexuality please try to do more research and educate yourself :)) ♡

[queeringclassiclit]

Please make gay sex an option

Kissing is simply not enough.

bahaha I'm going to make a wild guess that this is the same person who reblogged the Gilgamesh/Enkidu post with "where's the hardcore gay sex option" two minutes earlier

I agree with the sentiment, especially in cases like Gilgamesh, because they explicitly do kiss within the text so it is more a question of if they also fucked nasty

but I think "they at least kissed" covers all bases ranging from 'they drunkenly kissed once and were so embarrassed they never mentioned it again' to 'they are basically married and get down and dirty on the regular' (and you can have fun in the notes debating where a pairing stands)

I know this is just a silly post but it's also worth saying that I don't want to imply that a relationship without sex is 'not enough' or not as valid, so I feel that the current poll options are more inclusive of asexual interpretations

[fuckyeahasexual]

Hey, I just wanted to say that I don't think that the poll about whether asexuals are part of the lgbtq community should be circulated. It made me feel pretty uncomfortable seeing it on my dash and I don't think it should be given any attention because it's not cool that people keep making polls about us like that. I get maybe wanting to make sure we get the right result but I don't think it's worth it

I understand why people dislike polls that ask 'are ___ valid' questions, but I also understand that many people who make these polls don't circulate them out of any malice, just another little bit of content to reach out to the community.

There's lots of content that this tumblr won't ever intend to promote, but we also want to minimize the exclusion we'd practice. Different opinions, different approaches, different experiences, they all matter and aren't Bad.

-Fae

[trykefag]

i'm MANIFESTING this fucking site gets normal about asexual people. note: i cant tell if im overreacting or not, sorry. (its also quite subjective)

edit: i know that celibacy means that you dont have sex, but it's mainly used in religious contexts and i take it in a religious "prude" way by default. you can simply say that one is absent from sex or they "dont have sex". this vent is a person word choice i got really pissy over. my point that the people on this hellsite still mocks asexuals not having sex and calls people "hopeless virgins" is still a valid fucking argument.

"omg haha this site is filled with virgins" get a life and stop using virgin as a baseless insult. there's nothing wrong with not having sex.

that fucking gay sex poll (dont harass anyone in this btw) was funny then the fucking celibacy gifs... the fucking tags and comments just forget asexual people exist. another poll appeared in the rbs and there wasn't even a asexual option, but instead it was "celibacy button".

jesus fucking CHRSIT im tired of being invisible. im exploding allosexual people with my mind im so tired. ASEXUAL PEOPLE EXIST STOP FUCKING FORGETTING US.

also YES i know the gay sex poll was a joke, i get that, but there's genuine exclusionism and its not the poll that was the problem but the reaction.

[wordswithkittywitch]

We've all seen that very incomplete poll of "who is the most attractive Doctor", now I'm going to roast everyone based on which Doctor you find most attractive says about you:

First Doctor: You already knew that grandaddy doms were a thing.

Second Doctor: You just want someone who can make you laugh. A funny little guy. A little jester guy. Someone you could put in your pocket and carry with you to give you hope in these trying times.

Third Doctor: You have, or at very least you think you have, a taste for the finer things in life. The idea of being swept off your feet by a knight in shining armour makes you all fluttery. You also unironically enjoy disco.

Fourth Doctor: I would like to study you.

Fifth Doctor: I'm not saying that five is a twink, I'm saying everyone else you've ever been attracted to is. You started saying "daddy" as a joke but you're no longer sure whether or not you're still joking.

Sixth Doctor: You spend a lot of time trying to explain yourself. No one is willing to listen to you. Also, unrelated, but you probably think putting some opera on your MP3 player and going for a walk in the woods sounds like a really good time.

Seventh Doctor: You want to be a sub, but only for a very specific dom.

The Warlock: You just can't take a man seriously until he grows a beard. You probably have also thought some variation of "I could fix him." but not necessarily about the Warlock.

Eighth Doctor: Well, fine, if you want to be objectively correct, pick eight. I can't stop you.

Ninth Doctor: You just want someone you can dismantle capitalism with.

Tenth Doctor: You put almost no thought into this selection. I very much doubt you ever considered the other options. You are a fool, and you will learn.

Eleventh Doctor: Much like those attracted to four, there is something deeply wrong with you. Unlike those attracted to four, I don't care what it is, just that you keep it away from me.

Twelfth Doctor: There was no point in your school career where you did not have a crush on at least one of your teachers.

Thirteenth Doctor: You are a lesbian. I have not forgotten that heterosexual men exist, I just haven't met many who look at a woman eating dirt off the ground and thinking, "I want to marry her."

Fourteenth Doctor: Based on vibes alone, I would say first, that you're extremely valid. Secondly, you are probably confused about 80% of the time and that is, if anything, more valid.

You have no opinion on which Doctor is most attractive: You probably haven't been in this fandom long. If not, you are even more asexual than I am, so, congratulations.

[cloudcountry]

Seeing the rb poll of relationships made me uhhh self reflect a bit? And realize that I literally have no reason to feel bad about being ace now (like many exes used to make me feel bc they didn’t wanna understand) and now I’m like FUCK YEAH IM ACE MOTHERFUCKKEETRRSSS—

Idk that was just very validating for me?

Hope that’s not unloading but yeah just wanted to say that and I am glad you have a lovely person now! ✨

NO you DON'T allosexual people can be so shitty to asexual people because sex is super important to them but you they just . have to realize that some people can live without being fucked and sex doesn't matter to everyone. also some asexual people do have sex they just don't really want it as much as others. I HOPE YOU KEEP THAT MINDSET ,,,, THIS WORLD IS SO CRUEL SOMETIMES

but yes i have my lovely little squishy and he is. so lovely. ^^

[confessionsofareindeer]

I've been talking to some friends and realized this could be a cool poll, sorry I don't have everything listed but I got the main ideas, remember that you are valid and I do consider aro/ace LGBTQ but some people don't so I thought I'd add it to see what everyone in the community thinks, feel free to tag or elaborate in the comments

[theridgebeyond]

St. Joseph: Most Chaste Heart of Joseph? Sounds pretty asexual to me. I’m kidding I’m kidding, but I have a feeling he Gets It.

St. Andrew: I saw the guy’s skull, so.

St. Martin de Porres: I, too, feel very called to religious life but also barred from it for reasons beyond my choice and control* but I refuse to let that stop me, so I have a feeling he Gets It. (*Note: my reasons are not race and bigotry related, so I can’t exactly say that I Get It.)

St. Kateri Tekakwitha: She said “I’m going to be single forever” and is so valid for it.

St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross: idk, she’s kind of followed me around. The first time I went to mass with my mom (in the most gorgeous chapel I’ve ever seen and likely ever will see) they were celebrating her feast day, and it’s stuck with me ever since.

St. Dennis: His feast day’s the day before my birthday, and one of my ancestral surnames means “Dennis’s son”.

St. Catherine of Siena: Do I need to explain?

St. Fieri of Flavortown: iykyk

[bestsapphicship]

yelena is NOT canonically asexual or aromantic. those are both (valid) headcanons. the comic panel people use to say she is aroace is taken completely out of context. Yelena's creator has taken to twitter to say that yelena has no canon sexuality and that people can headcanon her as whatever they please. so you're fine with keeping bishova in your poll.

alright, thanks! I feel like just to be sure I’ll double check, but thanks anyways anon glad we could clear that up

[lozey]

hi I saw your tags on the musicals poll and im kind of curious about the homophobia comment at the end. is there homophobia in cats? or the cats movie? sorry i only know a little about cats in general

Hey! I'm terrible at explaining things, I really am, but I mean a lot of people who don't like Cats (not *everyone* but a lot), well it comes from a lot.... Homophobic roots. They think its weird, there's "no plot", they think the costumes are strange and they just want to not like it, but a part of them not liking it is inherent homophobia because a lot (and I mean A LOT) of queer people LOVE Cats. Not only that but majority of the actors/actresses who perform in Cats are not straight/ are gender nonconforming. And when you watch Cats, it is unashamedly gay as fuck, either in subtext or context, you can't watch that musical and think everyone performing in it is straight (unless you closed your eyes the entire time). Its in your face about it, even with Rum Tum Tugger, who is portrayed as a womanizer, is hinted at having a romantic relationship with another male character, Mr. Mistoffelees (and sometimes the actors even choose to kiss during Tugger's number, thats how in the face it can be sometimes). And that is just ONE example, I could pull out 50 more.

So you're looking at a lot of LGBTQIA+ people loving this weird and fun musical and some who are performing in this show and you (ambiguous you, not YOU specifically) think its gross and weird. You think the people who like it are strange. The people who are, again, mostly queer.

Its like how a lot of people think furries are gross and weird, and its really telling when majority of furries are people in the queer community, you know what I mean? And you immediately look at furries as a weird sex kink (when its not, it really isn't. Most furries I've met are actually asexual, and I used to go to furry cons all the time, some of the nicest people I've ever met who actually don't appreciate being sexualized).

AND HEY let me clarify that you can hate Cats and NOT be homophobic. Cats isn't everyone's cup of tea, I get it, it IS weird, I'm not saying you have to like Cats or you're being homophobic. I'm a huge Cats fan but I can see a lot (a loooot) of reasons why someone wouldn't like Cats. But there is a certain subset of people (in theatre and out of it) who do not like it for unfortunate reasons, who look at it and see all these queer people in it and immediately don't like it because of that.

Also yes the 2019 Cats movie is super homophobic (imo) and I hate it. It goes out of its way to be SUPER straight, like its overcompensating for its source material being very gay.

Its just a shame that musical theatre fans will be like "We are such a unique group and everyone is valid we love all art here!" and then the second someone says they loves Cats they're like "That show is so weird! Why do you like it? You must like it IRONICALLY, thats the only explanation! IT SUCKS, WHY DO YOU LIKE IT"

And a lot of musical theatre fans will claim its a shame that certain stage actors were in Cats! Why is it a shame? Why do you not like this actor being in Cats?

A huge amount of people don't like Cats because when they think of Cats, they immediately relate it to queer people.

Anyway, thats about all I have to say about that.

[thehealingsystem]

was just going to comment but I figured this deserved a more in depth response. so now I ask users of tumblr to STOP MAKING POLLS LIKE THIS

for warning there is rampant aphobia in the notes, as expected but really fucking sad because I thought most of our community moved past this shit. but apparently not

asexual and aromanticism is inherently part of the lgbtq+ community. no ifs ands or buts. not on the condition of being queer in some other way, not on the condition of how much oppression they experience. and from reading the comments, people need some reminders

gatekeeping who is "lgbt enough" based on how badly a group is oppressed is bullshit. first off, a bunch of you obviously haven't read into any discussions or research on aspec folks and the experiences they've had with this. because I can assure you that we ALSO are on the receiving end of the harm from heteronormative views of society and having our orientations questioned, criticized, and rejected. just because you refuse to even LOOK at what aspecs are saying about their own lives and don't experience that yourself doesn't mean you can completely deny that we aren't oppressed.

and to be fair, I am queer in other ways and being aspec isn't the most important part of my identity for me BECAUSE I've been a lot more hurt for those other parts, such as being lesbian or being trans. but I obviously don't speak for the entire community

but secondly, it's not the best thing in the world to base whether or not someone is allowed in the Exclusive Minority Group around how badly they've been hurt. this has been done to hell and back and has shown to only be harmful. transmedicalism bases itself off of this, and I see it in a lot of transmeds to this day. that they're hurt and suffering due to being trans, therefore anyone else who is trans has to be hurt and suffering too or else they're not REALLY trans. Not REALLY a part of the group. Because if they're not oppressed enough obviously they don't belong here right? literally the logic people are putting in the comments right now

And by god, people NEED to get normal about alloaros. if a guy doesn't experience romantic attraction and is just sexually attracted to women, that is it. he cannot choose his orientation. he can't change anything about who or who he isn't attracted to

seriously there's replies saying with their full chest that he's just trying to distance himself from women while still being sexually active with them in order to use it as a scapegoat for his misogyny. which also shows that we still see asexual and aromanticism as an ACTION rather than an actual valid orientation. what the hell do you want this hypothetical man to do??? suddenly gain romantic feelings??? pft

so many have problems with split attraction for so many reasons that go straight into basic plain old queerphobia. towards non-aspec sam and aspec sam alike. that the labels aren't valid and we would just use something else, to that no one can actually have attraction like that because romantic and sexual attraction are always the same definitely (/sar), our labels are useless and there's no point in them, we're trying to invade some sort of community, that we're literal predators and trying to make people attracted to us, the list goes on and on

please stop giving these people a platform to spout their queerphobia. I've seen so many polls like this asking questions of whether they think xyz identity is valid, and while I may have let loose with the contradictory identities one bc it was mostly positive and I just wanted to express pride in it, there's so many that go all wrong, asked in bad faith meant to bring out hateful discourse

this is a poll with 15980+ votes so far with 4746+ voting no. are you kidding me. aphobia? in our year 2023, nearly 2024? literally just stop already