#poker with the mercs

[ghostymarni]

strip sabacc

(yes I know sabacc was created after the clone wars but you can’t stop me)

edit: taking a deeper dive into gambling lore, sabacc was actually around even during the high republic era as it’s mentioned in books in passing. It makes me wonder how long the game has been around because I haven’t found a definitive date on when the game was established. Makes me wonder if it only was more popular later on when we hear about it through Lando + Han Solo, when the empire was established

I’ve been playing sabacc almost every night on Star Wars outlaws + I’m now a menace to the gambling society. win or lose.

but also I just really wanted to practice my line-work without self pressure of cleaning it up or coloring, outside of a one color contrast.

[blumoontf2]

TF2 x Poker Night Headcanons

Support Class

YOU KNOW THE DRILL ‼️‼️‼️ WE’RE TALKING ABOUT POKER NIGHT AT THE INVENTORY!! We’re talking, Sniper, Spy and Medic this time!!

Spy

For Night 1, I can’t see Spy getting along with anyone particularly. Maybe Tycho for a period but again he says some… things that would put him off. This is excluding Heavy ofc. Night one he would be the definition of ‘thank god i’m the only normal person here’.

For night 2, Brock and Ash Williams. Claptrap would be like Scout to him. He’d have to warm up to his person before he’d start liking them. Probably gets half-along with Glados on account of she’s pretty chill. Brock because he comes across as a private man much like himself. Ash because he’s a very capable man but appears pretty inexperienced (he would like taunting him). The three of them would have ‘smart guy’ conversations.

I already mentioned Glados. He would like her quips except when they’re directed at him. He would still respect the wit though

Pleasant conversations with Reginald. You kind of have to be on good terms with the Host. Also Reginald seems to have some common sense to him… unlike everyone else in Night 1…

Sniper

Same as Spy I feel like. He’d just be kind of. Chill with everyone? In a very neutral way? Probably Tycho…? But in a ‘you’re kinda like Scout’ way (which is an insulting comparison to make but I think it’s fair). Maybe he’d be on good terms with Moxxi because he’s quiet at the bar and also wrangles demo when he needs to.

Night Two, hmmm Brock? And Sam? This one is also partially difficult. Sam sort of professionally - or as professional as Sam can be - and then Brock for the same kind of efficiency when you kill mindset. This is going off how Brock presents himself in game because in the series he’s from he’s very messy when he kills lowkey.

Glados would freak him out too… I think it would take him a long long time to get used to her, and even then he’d jump the most when she’d appear. Same as Scout, really.

Gets along with Reginald Van Winslow as much as one does when you barely talk.

Medic

Anyone who’s scientifically interesting to him. Night one would be Max - ‘Oh my gott, talking rabbit!’ - and probably Strong Bad - ‘your boxing gloves are infused to your skin…’.

Similar to Heavy Night one, kinda freaks everyone out. Yknow with Heavy being ‘wrench is shoved down his throat! He cries for mommy,’ and Medic being ‘haha! And that’s how I lost my medical license!’

Night 2, Sam for the same reasons as Max and also Ash for the arm. Probably has very pleasant conversations with Winslow.

Medic would… I guess he’d be pretty neutral with Glados? Positively neutral if that makes sense. He’d like when she pulls up psychology related things like the whole ‘people with a bad conscience react worse to loud noises’ thing.

Like I said, probably has pleasant conversations with Winslow. Probably talks black market with him and ‘back channels’ yknow. Otherwise, Winslow would be a ‘do not involve me in your medicine…’

[mechmolar]

Forever thinking about the BLU Engineer torture story Heavy tells in poker night at the inventory and how it lets us know that the protectiveness? Anger? (whatever you wanna call it) Heavy has in response to Classic Heavy killing Medic isnt specific for only Medic, but all of his teammates.

Or that Heavy is scared of ghosts, or has nightmares about medic dying, or, and this is very important to me, calls Pyro his friend instead of actively being afraid of them like we see in Meet the Pyro. (Poker Night at the Inventory came before Meet the Pyro but i don't care, my point still stands)

I really love how animated he is while telling the engineer story, it makes me envision the mercs all sharing their daily battle stories and shenanigans with each other.

I could also probably write an entire little post about how despite what some folks seem to think, spy and medic do care for their teammates, they, just like literally everyone else, do not express it in a typical way.

[poorsallystitches]

A newbie's guide to The Lost Tomb franchise/Dao Mu Bi Ji/The Graverobber's Chronicles

I have seen people all over the internet asking questions on posts about DMBJ such as, where to start, what it is, and who are those cutie pies? You may have seen images similar to this

I, as someone who has watched a lot of the franchise and read at least half of the books (which if you knew how many there were, that would be impressive), I want to take a moment, or many, to explain to anyone who wants the answer to these questions. This will take a while, I cannot shut up, especially about them.

Spoiler free!

Now, first things first, what is Lost Tomb/DMBJ/Graverobber's Chronicles?

Lost Tomb is a Chinese Franchise comprised of a multitude of dramas and movies over the course of a decade that were all made by different people and actors to tell the story written in the novel series, The Graverobber's Chronicles, or its original Chinese title Dao Mu Bi Ji, written by Nan Pai San Shu.

This means that popular characters people will refer to will have many different faces. Such as all of these being Wu Xie

You may recognize any of those actors if you watch popular Cdramas, 1st Zhu Yilong who plays Shen Wei in Guardian, 2nd Zeng Shunxi who plays Xiao Bao in Mysterious Lotus Casebook, and 3rd Hou Minghao who was recently in Fangs of Fortune as Zhu Yan.

But, what is it about?

Lost Tomb as a franchise is loosely about a man named Wu Xie who is the last in a family line of graverobbers, but he himself has been kept out of the loop by the family. He has had his grandfather's journal since he passed away, which makes him take an interest in the family business. This leads him to force his uncle to let him tag along with him on tomb raiding adventures.

I feel it is important to tell people what they may encounter just in case they have sensitivities, so this franchise as a whole contains supernatural themes of ghosts, zombies, gods, etc. There will be blood, BUGS, and some body horror in a lighter portion, if you have any questions about specifics feel free to ask.

Now, let's skip to who those cutie pies are before telling you about the options for where to start.

The characters you may have seen around that got you interested may be

Wu Xie, the main character who is played a little differently in every iteration of the story but mainly think of a man with a high level of intelligence, but the worst luck in the world and some bitchy attitude (said with love) and you'll have him. You saw some of the most popular actors to play him up top.

Zhang Qiling/Xiao Ge (young master)/Menyouping (Poker-face), one of the main characters who is the strong, emo, silent, tatted sweety of the story. He is mysterious on purpose; you're not meant to know much about him at any given time. Him and Wu Xie are very close and with the next character, they form what is widely known in book, show, and fandom as the Iron Triangle. Just meaning the three are a package deal and won't be separated.

Wang Pangzi, the chubby, stylish, tough, bitchier than Wu Xie, lovable bastard. His name actually translates to Fatty, so that is what you will see everyone call him. It's not mean, just accurate. Pretty much everyone has real names and nicknames they go by. Remember, they are doing something illegal.

It's less likely, but you may have seen my personal favorite boys Hei Xiazi or Hei Yanjing (black glasses or black blind, you'll see why) and Xie Yuchen or Xiao Hua (little flower). They are the black/pink dynamic of the century for me. Hei Xiazi is a merc for hire and Xiao Hua is Wu Xie's cousin who has become the patriarch of his family at a young age.

Now, last question that people ask the most, where do I start?

There is no right or wrong answer, you can start chronologically with Mystic Nine, release order with Lost Tomb 2015, a mixture of both, leave out the ones you aren't interested in (*cough* Time Raiders movie), or just jump in in the middle. Each adaptation is aware of the fact that people will not have seen the others, and they will try to speed run the story to you, which can confuse people, but if you just want to experience the story with familiar faces, it won't be too bad.

To share my experience. I started with the Lost Tomb 2015, continued with Lost Tomb 2 2019, skipped Explore with the Note 2021 because I didn't vibe with it, Ultimate Note, started the prequels with Mystic Nine, which is a prequel with our character's ancestors, watched The Hei Xiazi and Xie Yuchen movie, started Reunion, watched a prequel movie and just started reading the books. I was never super confused because I had the set-up of the first 2 to build upon.

If you are a completionist like me and want to read the novels go to Merebear's blog. She is phenomenal and she has translated pretty much everything for your reading pleasure and laid it all out in an easy-to-follow way. I cannot give her enough gratitude. I absolutely adore her and all of her efforts as well as all her helpers along the way.

Now just a little gay propaganda about Lost Tomb franchise. The novels and shows are not canonically gay, but I mean... they are giving something.

[multiheadcanons]

PACK A BAG WITH THE MERCS

scout: tiny black backpack. holds his gun and twenty bucks. a comb, a compact mirror, and two condoms. his ID, his passport, and a prepaid gift card with 37 cents on it. a comic book, an extra mag, and a crumpled piece of paper with his family’s phone numbers on it. an extra set of engineer’s goggles. an extra set of sniper’s aviators. a broken pencil and a bottle of unlabeled pills. it’s aleve. a pack of gum and one loose cigarette.

soldier: fanny pack but he carries it like an orc’s club. his ID, his checkbook, a gram of cocaine, a used syringe missing its needle, and $100 bucks cash. aside from these things, it is filled to the brim with rocks, animal teeth and bullets, used and unused.

pyro: hello kitty novelty ita bag. packed with pins. coin purse full of pennies, no silver coins. minimum of five lighters in different colors. matchbox. aerosol spray can. pack of colored pencils. small bottle of water, smaller coloring book. hair barrettes. dog ty beanie baby. pack of stamps. a charcuterie fork they stole from a restaurant. two loose bandaids, some hydrogen peroxide, an open pack of mike and ikes, and three mints.

demo: a fanny pack and he wears it correctly. his checkbook, his ID, his shit list, and a dud of a prototype of a small bomb that he abandoned the ideals of long ago but he tells himself he’ll come back to it. a pen, and two rolls of quarters. the deed to a lake house in michigan he won in a poker game. a walkman, and five shooters of various liquors. a large folding knife, a set of small bolt cutters, and an extra black eyepatch. in case he loses the one he has on.

heavy: small cooler bag he wears across his back, “misha” neatly embroidered in red. two water bottles, a bag of cheez-its, and a sleeve of peanut butter crackers, a couple oranges and a small bag of grapes if he made a stop at the grocery store recently. $50 bill. ID, debit and credit card, and a checkbook. passport. a white feather, two pens, and a box cutter. small flask of vodka. two unused shotgun shells, a keltec PMR30, and a loose earring. microfiber cloth, small notepad littered intermittently with russian, not written on the lines.

engineer: a simple brown leather pouch he attaches to his belt loop with a carabiner. he keeps his ID, his checkbook, his passport, anywhere from ten to thirty dollars in cash, various amounts of change, the keys to his truck, and a couple extra bullets in case they’re ever needed. he’ll occasionally slip a small screwdriver or wrench in there for on the go fixes, but he is usually also taking his toolbox wherever he’s going.

medic: black leather satchel. contains $250 american cash in small bills; and €150 euros. and a roll of quarters. a travel first aid kit, a shooter of vodka, a bottle of water, and a biohazard trash bag. ibuprofen, acetaminophen, and either two tabs of acid, an eight ball of cocaine, or a loose, unlabeled pill. probably xanax. could also be tylenol. he will take it regardless. a white feather, a small pocket knife, his passport, and a wallet, containing an old photo of times long gone, a photo of the team, a fake ID, and three credit cards that do not have his name on them.

sniper: his pockets. wallet containing his ID, his american driver’s license, his insurance, up to $500 cash and a small photo of his parents. keys in opposite pocket. sometimes a receipt or two. everything else is in his van, and if he’s going somewhere, he’s taking his own vehicle.

spy: mid size clutch purse. two packs of cheap cigarettes, one menthol one not. $50 american dollars. a baby photo and a photo of a woman in a blue dress. three separate passports with different names, four credit cards with other names. none of them are his. his knife and revolver. pocket atlas, and a faded contact book of numbers that don’t work anymore. an out of date bus pass, and a ticket to a concert he never went to.

[fire-bugged]

Hello gang!

How are you on this fine day? Hope you are fine. Well today is my birthday!!! 🎉 I wanted to know how the mercs would celebrate with us. I'm fine you writing any merc so go crazy 😼

Anyways, take care and remember to stay hydrated 😈

Happy Birthday, Anon! I hope you had a wonderful birthday, and I hope you enjoy these headcanons!

Mercenaries Celebrate Your Birthday

Scout

- Probably forgot it was your birthday. But when someone else (or you) remind him, he’s immediately excited.

- Whips out one of his Ma’s birthday cake recipes from when he was a little kid. It’s a simple cake, just one layer with some frosting slathered on top, but it’s still pretty good!

- As for gifts, he gets you something a few days later. He’ll get you some snacks that you love, but are difficult to find in New Mexico. It’s not much, but he still hopes you’ll enjoy it.

Soldier

- Soldier is insanely good at remembering important dates, including birthdays.

- Instead of the usual trumpet-blaring and shouting the USA national anthem to wake everyone up in the morning, he’s yell-singing “Happy Birthday” at the top of his lungs

- Gives you a strong pat on the back and congratulates you on another year of fighting the good fight. Now go forth and beat the crap out of whatever the next year of your life is going to throw at you!

- At the end of the day, you find a box in your room with a note attached that simply says “Use it well”. Inside, you find a worn, but still very sharp shovel. Perfect for beating people over the head with.

Pyro

- They absolutely remember your birthday, and they are very excited about it.

- They make you some cupcakes that are only slightly overcooked, as well as covered in mountains of frosting and sprinkles. They give them to you while mumbling to the tune of “happy birthday”.

- As for presents, they like giving lots of small trinkets. Whether you like pretty rocks, silly pens, trading cards, plushies, miniature figures, anything of that sort. They’ll always be able to find a bunch of small things you’ll like!

Demoman

- He gets pretty excited when he realizes your birthday is coming up. When he was a kid, he never really got to celebrate his birthday all that much due to spending his childhood an orphan. But now he loves celebrating them regardless of whose birthday it is.

- Sets up a bunch of things at a good bar near the base. There’s darts, pool, foosball, beer pong, and of course, plenty of drinks and good food to go around. He makes sure the whole team is there, celebrating with you and having a good time.

- You mean a lot to him, and he wants to make sure you have a birthday you’ll always look back fondly on.

Heavy

- He remembers birthdays very well, as they are important in his family. To Heavy, you are close enough to be considered family.

- Back home, birthdays were often celebrated with lots of food and good drinks, and he’ll do the same for you. He gets together with a few of the other members of the team that you’re close with, and they all work to make a lot of rich, filling dishes that he knows you’ll enjoy.

- He also sets up Poker with the entire team. Jokes are made, drinks are had, money is won and lost, and it’s a great time for all.

- You are surrounded by friends, and you are loved. That is the best gift he can possibly give to you.

Engineer

- He knew your birthday was coming up, and he made sure to prepare ahead of time.

- He works for most of the day, so you don’t see him much until the evening. He cooks your favorite meal for dinner, complete with delicious side dishes that complement it perfectly. He makes sure to make more than enough for there to be leftovers, allowing you to enjoy the food for the next couple of days, as well.

- If you have any creative hobbies (or have been wanting to start a new hobby) he will gift you the supplies needed for it, as well as tools of his own making. He built them himself with specific measurements and materials to best suit you.

Medic

- Always remembers birthdays. Being the team’s doctor, it’s important for him to remember these sorts of details!

- He wouldn’t be able to do much, due to the fact that he still has to work. Today being your birthday won’t prevent someone from getting shot or blown up, after all. But he will still cheerfully wish you a happy birthday when he sees you.

- If you take any medications, he’ll tie a little bow on your refill when he gives it to you. But when you open it up later to take your medication, you find a little note inside:

- “Happy birthday mein freunde! Wishing you another year of good health! :)”

Sniper

- Pretty chill about birthdays, doesn’t take them too seriously.

- When he finds out it’s your birthday, he’ll give you a nod and a smile, wishing you “happy birthday, mate”.

- Towards the end of the day, he’ll come to you with a couple of drinks you like and just hang out. You’ll just have a good ol’ time sitting back in some lawn chairs and chatting about whatever while watching the sun go down.

Spy

- Doesn’t really share the excitement surrounding birthdays. Nonetheless, he still remembers when they occur, and that includes yours.

- If you mention it to him, he’ll give you a curt “Happy Birthday”, and won’t say anything else about it.

- But later in the day, a small box will appear on your bedside table. There’s no note to reveal who had left it there or what it was for, but deep down, you knew the answer to both of these questions. Inside is a small, but very expensive and high quality accessory that you’ve always wanted. You never told anyone about it, but it seems you didn’t need to.

- The first time you wear it, you swear you see the tiniest trace of a smile on Spy’s face.

[bowserbowser29]

Previous Anon is also right but I consider demoman to be more of an alcoholic rather then completely batshit insane. He's still less sane than scout, who might arguably be the most sane guy there.

Just for funzies, imma rate the mercs on how I personally think they are sanity wise, starting from who I think is the most sane down to the bottom.

1. Spy: Don’t really need to elaborate. He’s easily the most professional of all the mercs, has no discernible mental problems, and knows that he’s too good to be working with these simpletons. (Though, maybe not. There’s, like, a picture of him pissing on a wall while stealing a briefcase. I dunno where it’s from but it’s fucking hilarious)

2. Scout: Just as you said, Scout is probably the most sane out of all the mercs. He doesn’t talk to his guns, he doesn’t try an experiment on his teammates, he doesn’t have hallucinations. Scout’s really only seen on the same level as them because he’s an idiot. A guy who drinks radioactive soda is not all that bright, but at least he knows what’s going on around him.

3. Heavy: Probably the one most people put at the top for Poker Night at the Inventory and his depiction in the comics with his family. Both of these are a good showcase that, when Heavy is not on the battlefield shouting at babies and mowing down shit with his minigun, he is a very level headed and caring individual. That being said,..he’s also a guy that tells his gun to kiss him and tucks it into bed. Now, men often personify objects or machines from their work that are important to them. As a train nerd I know this is something very common. But to the degree Heavy does it? …kinda weird.

4. Demo: Pretty much the same deal as Heavy. In the comics it shows that Demo might just be the most competent of the mercs, especially when he is not drunk. The man held three jobs, takes care of his blind mother, and is easily Pauling’s only source of common sense before they rescue Spy. But…gotta dock him some points for the whole…talking to his own liver thing. I mean, yeah, could just be a dream or sumthin, but…who the hell knows?

5. Engi: Kind of surprising until you look a little deeper into his character. Compared to literally everyone else before him, Engineer is the most calm, cool, and collected character in the entire series. He’s a genius who can build sentry guns, teleporters, and sources of infinite health and ammo. But…also remember this; Scout, Spy, Demo, and Heavy have never done anything to alter their bodies (that’s Medic’s job, but you know what I mean) yet here’s Engi, cutting off his own hand to use the gunslinger. Not to mention a few of his domination lines hint at some sort of god complex he has. Though, all that being said, Engi being the halfway mark may hint that most of the mercs are more sane than they first seem. In other words…now we’re getting into the rough end.

6. Sniper: Yet another man who, on the surface, seems to have his marbles locked up tight. He’s a professional, just like Spy, and even has a more grounded view on sniping than the TFC Sniper. But…he also throws jars of piss at people…and shoots tranquilizer darts full of piss at people. In my mind, that easily shoots him lower than Engi.

7. Soldier: seeing him anywhere above second to last is probably insane of me, and it is. Soldier is, in every sense of the word, insane. He talks to wooden cutouts, hallucinates, is suffering from lead poisoning, thought he fought in a war that was already over. The sanity distance between him and Sniper is ten thousand miles long. And yet…

8. Pyro: I mean…yeah. It’s harder to get more nutty than a homicidal pyromaniac who thinks the world is made of lollipops and rainbows. It’s hard to rank someone on a sanity scale when they don’t even know what’s going on, but…I think Pyro, however old he is, should know that Pyrovision is not reality. And yet, she still is not last…and that’s for one simple fact.

9. Medic: Here’s the thing. Pyro? He has no idea what’s going on. Soldier? He has a completely different idea to what is going on. But Medic? Medic knows exactly what he is doing. All his inhuman experiments, deals with the devil, borderline disregard for human life on a level worse than an enTIRE TEAM OF CONTRACT KILLERS! It’s not a contest. Medic is hands down the most insane merc of them all, and it’s is…still scarily close.

[katherine-fisk]

The room was dimly lit, causing Kaya's head to throb as she slowly opened her eyes. Her body felt stiff, sore, and as if it had been broken. Even breathing was painful.

Her chapped lips were slightly open as she attempted to inhale deeply. It felt as though someone had forcefully inserted a scorching hot poker down her throat. Most objects in her field of vision appeared hazy unless they were nearby, and she concentrated intently on them. It was a draining experience.

Kaya could hear voices in the room and a soft, steady beeping beside her.

Continuation from this session

Those already in the thread:

@merc-with-the-m0uth

@misterjameswesley

[robin374]

I give you a little smooch on your forehead <3

I love your work so much it’s so good!!!!

If you’re taking reqs rn could we possibly get some fluff cuddling with sniper plz <33

Cuddling with Sniper

Notes: OML THANKSS, you just made my day better. I'm a bit stressed these days but reading your message was *ascends to heaven* Also, unedited, so there are probably grammar errors

Character: Sniper

My lovely wet cat man <3

I bet that in the first days of the relationship he would try to look like the man who doesn't need phisical affection. LIke he's a lonely alpha male.

Let's be honest Sniper, we all know you're touch starved.

That's why, one day he approached you and hugged you for more than 5 minutes. You were trying to speak to Demo, who was sitting next to you in the sofa, but Sniper clinging onto you like a cat wasn't helping. So you just accepted your fate.

I feel like he's that type of person that prefers hugs than kisses. So most of your cuddles will be him hugging you like a koala. I also like to think that he just tells you random fun facts about animals knowing that you're falling asleep. He did it so you would stay awake and talk to you.

"Did you know that dolphins are sexually atractted to humans?"

"How in the world do you know that?"

He's a very talkative man with those who feel close to. Yes, he's the most quiet man you've ever seen when you're in the base, but the moment you step inside his van or his house at Australia, he's talking your ear off. Mostly is talking shit about Spy or Scout, or the gossips he heard while faking being asleep.

He's surprisingly warm, he's like your personal blanket. You're cold while he's playing poker with the mercs? You are suddenly sitting on his lap watching him play, his hand on you waist. You're cold at night? You've got two blankets now, the one of his bed and him.

He just loves to hold you close, he is not used to have someone that loves him. He almost forgot how it was to be loved, but when you appeared and started giving him the love he deserved (and deserves) he felt something he thought he wouldn't feel again: Hapiness. Of course, the hapiness that his job gives him and the one that you give him aren't the same.

He loves you as much as there are spiders in Australia. So you can imagine; infinite.

[desired-fantasy-writings]

hello! hey!

I was thinking if you could maybe write some headcanons or maybe some comforting/tender imagines for the defence mercs with an s/o with low self esteem? the choice is yours really, I don't mind either way

Defense Mercs with an S/O that has low self esteem

A/N: I love these silly goobers sm I absolutely loved working on this. The past couple months for me have been tough so this was just as comforting to me as I hope it shall be for you, my dear readers. <3

Also all nicknames used are exclusively meant to be gender neutral!

Requested by: Anon Warnings: Tiny bit of angst, self doubt. Readers Gender: Gender Neutral Fanfic Type: Headcanons Fanfic Genre: Comfort Word Count: 677

Tavish (Demoman) 

The most he’ll do to cheer up his S/O is by making them laugh, giving them love - doing his drunk shenanigans or whatever else to see them smiling again.

Is not sure how to be the greatest support for them, but he’ll try until something works! When it comes to his partner, he never wants to give up.

If his S/O’s into board games (or poker) related he's pulling the whole collection out. 

Gets into super deep, non-stop drunk ramblings about how wonderful his S/O is when they bring up how they've been feeling about themselves lately. Will go far and beyond to prove all their doubts wrong. 

“Duckie, what you are… no I- You're so… Don’t say that… rubbish… ever again. You hear me? You're so beautiful. I wish you could see what I see in ya.” Tavish drunkenly mumbles against his S/O’s lips, giving them sloppy loving kisses all over. 

The man's not a poet or much of a romantic gentleman, but god damn nothing will stop him from expressing his love for his S/O… even if it's not in the most pleasant way.

Misha (Heavy)

Misha is a special kind of man who knows how to use his strengths - in this case physically and mentally. Will hold his S/O close if they desire that type of physical comfort from him. If his S/O would rather talk about it instead he's a very good listener and emotionally more mature than most men. Thank his mother and sisters for that. Will not speak unless his S/O is done talking about whatever's going on.

As emotionally mature as he is and intelligent - he often has trouble figuring out the right words to say at the moment.

When his S/O explains further about how they feel about themselves, Misha scoffs, a displeased rumble coming from his chest.

“Vhat?-” Misha says, surprised. Nothing about what his S/O said was true. He shakes his head, obviously disapproving, bringing his S/O close to him “-Heavy thinks vhat you say is nonsense, my милый. You're vonderful! Don’t say such awful things about self.”

Dell (Engineer)

Dell's used to this sort of thing being the person that most of the team go to for advice. When it comes to his S/O it hurts him seeing them so down and talking so lowly about themselves. What they're simply saying is SO untrue. 

In this situation he’ll take both him and his S/O out to the camping spot near the base, just the two of you. He finds being stuck inside when feeling like that isn't good for his S/O and will make them go outside no matter how much they protest. 

Simple peace and quiet, getting away from their colleagues for the night is his way of relaxing and getting out of his head. He wants to share that with his S/O, too. 

Dell of course brings his guitar with him, playing sweet ol’ songs just for his S/O. Dell hasn’t forgotten about bringing his S/O their favourite snacks and blankets as they cuddle by the fire all night. Dell’s such a sweetie pie and would do anything to get his S/O out of the negative headspace.

“Darlin’, the nonsense you’re simply spewing is untrue. You’re an incredible individual that's been such an asset for this team.” Dell mumbles into his S/O’s hair, the scent of them further relaxing him. He snuggles into them closer, nuzzling his nose into their hair - leaving a kiss.

“Look… me and the fellas don’t say it enough, but you really are somethin’ special. We wouldn’t have won as many matches as we have without you-" Dell pulls away for a moment, grabbing his S/O’s face gently to look up at him, he smiles warmly staring into their eyes so full of love “-And… you simply have captured my heart like no one has darlin’. Remember that. I love you for you and always sweet pea.”

[simp999]

Hello! I’m so happy to see that your requests are open~

If it’s okay to ask, I’m currently experiencing serious overworking at one of my two jobs, and tbh TF2 x reader content has been my comfort through it.

Could you have either medic or scout (completely up to you) just being there for an overworked y/n that comes back from their job frustrated and tired?

Asking anonymously cuz I’m nervous lol

Medic x Overworked! Reader

A/N: Hello! Sorry for taking so long my dear, I haven't really been doing requests lately! I hope your jobs are going well, and you aren't still too overworked! I was very much in the mood to write some medic, and your request felt perfect- sorry if it's too short! ^^

Wc: 850

Masterlist

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You sigh as you shut the door, tempted to sit down and fall asleep right then and there. You manage to drop your bags and completely forget about the kitchen entirely, going straight to your room. Most of the mercs were sitting in their game room playing poker or some card game. For once, Medic was there too. Usually, he's caught up with work or some surgeries, but he wanted to make sure he was there when you came back, expecting some kind of acknowledgment from his beloved.

He wasn't sad that you didn't even seem to notice him- no, he was sad at how exhausted you seemed, and it only became worse by the day. Your shoulders were stiff, back slumped, and those eyebags surely weren't any good. He swiftly made his way over to his lab, grabbing anything he needed and shed his gloves and lab coat, leaving him in his vest.

A soft knock on your door rang out, but there was no response. He carefuly opened it only to find you almost completely out, half stirring as the light from the hallway hit your eyes. He pushed a few things on your side table out of the way so he could place his things down. His brows knit even further together seeing how much of a mess your room was. This couldn't be good for your health. You were about to sit it, finally recognizing the person in front of you. Before you could, he gently caressed your cheek with his thumb and then checked your temperature on your forehead. While gently caressing your skin, he subtly checked your pulse too, then traced his thumb over your lips, checking your breathing. All your vitals were fine, maybe your heart was a bit fast- but you two have come to realize it's just because your heart always raced a bit in his presence.

The first time it happened and he noticed was during a routine checkup- it was cute, really. Right around the time you got together, he planted an absentminded kiss on your forehead right before checking your pulse, and you had to wait a few minutes before even bothering to try again. It didn't calm down all that much because your heart sped up every time you even thought about that kiss, but he managed to get a reading anyway.

Back to the situation at hand. He gently picked up your hand in his large one and began to ask you some questions. How much sleep you've been getting, how much and often you've been eating and drinking water. You knew not to lie as he'd see right through you, and you didn't want to make him unhappy. All of your answers were... not healthy ones, to say the least.

"Do you think you'd be able to eat a bit right now, or is food too tough?"

"My legs are too tired to-"

"Not what I asked, Liebe."

Ah.. was he gonna go get you something? What a sweetheart. You smiled and nodded, and he asked if he could leave just for a moment.

He found you once again resting with your eyes closed. This time you weren't almost knocked out, just waiting patiently for him. He brought you some fruit cut into cute little shapes- stars, hearts,- he really is adorable. He placed the plate on your lap before eyeing you up and down- you were still in your work outfit. While you ate, he walked over to where you kept your clothes. You gave him a questionning look before he pull out your most comfortable pijamas; some he gave you a while back.

Once you were done eating, leaving a few pieces, he helped you onto the ledge of the bed. He helped you take off your clothes with such gentleness, buttoning up your pijama top and letting you pull your cozy pants on. All of this was done purely out of affection and kindness and you felt nothing but safe and comfortable with him- nothing sexual whatsoever. He offered you a "warm" smile as he adjusted the collar of your top. (He's not that good at smiling but you've learned to love that small quirk. You knew what his intent was.)

He helped tuck you in and grabbed another leftover piece of fruit to bring to your lips after he did. Back to caressing your skin and gently tracing shapes all over your arms, collarbone, upper chest- it didn't take much to get you all sleepy, so it was definetly doing its job.

"Ich liebe dich, mein lieblingsengel."

You groggily answered him, just below a whisper;

"Ich liebe... dich auch..."

He melted at the sight before him. He adjusted your hair, pushing a few strands away from your forehead.

He never liked that you had a job on top of being a mercenary- being a merc was tough enough on the body and mental health as is. But that's why he's there.

To be your doctor,- to be the one to take care of you.

.

.

.

Mar.4.24

[blumoontf2]

TF2 x Poker Night Headcanons!

Offense Class

I’m talking about Poker Night at the Inventory (my beloved). Literally my biggest comfort game and my first exposure to TF2! Anyway, these are just headcanons on who I think they’d get along with within the cast of BOTH games.

For context, there’s TWO Poker Night at the Inventory games. The first features Max from Sam and Max, Strong Bad from Homestar Runner, Heavy from TF2, and Tycho from Penny Arcade. The second game features Brock Samson from the Venture Bros, Claptrap from Borderlands, Ashley Williams from the Evil Dead movies and Sam from Sam and Max! As well as supporting characters Moxxi (who tends the bar) and Reginald Van Winslow (who is the Host!).

Starting under the cut!

Scout

For Poker Night 1, I think he would be on relatively good terms with Tycho. I see them getting along. Scout would still get freaked tf out by the shit he says though. Side eyes him and steps away. Otherwise, Strong Bad. He’d get along with Max in the same way he’d get along with Pyro (which is idly being freaked out and scared).

For Poker Night 2, Claptrap seems like the obvious choice. Ash Williams second. In a ‘he’s an admirable guy!’ kind of way.

Probably has the same sort of relationship with Moxxi as he does with Miss Pauling just without the crush.

Glados would freak him out. Trauma from nearly dying to robots n all… and unlike Claptrap she’s actually smart.

Reginald Van Winslow would have a neutral relationship with him. I can’t see them talking much, unless Scout was trying to convince him of something.

Pyro

Night 1 they’d be a Max… admirer? Ig?? There’s a different word I’m thinking of I’m not sure what… Would probably get along with Strong Bad because of the small plush-like appearance too! Tycho is scared of them.

Night 2 they’d also like Sam! Probably claptrap too but in a more murderous fashion…? Like they don’t HATE claptrap, don’t get me wrong it’s just. Complicated..? Would probably also like Ash Williams because chainsaw = trees cut = fire wood = fire!!!!

Glados would freak them out the LEAST. I like to think Glados is more creeped out by Pyro than Pyro is of them.

Reginald Van Winslow would HATE- dislike Pyro for property damage I fear. Gets banned from the Inventory.

Soldier

NIGHT ONE STRONG BAD. Can’t change my mind on that. Max too! I feel like he’d throw Strong Bad for some reason. Probably does the same to Max except Max is more than happy to get drop kicked.

Night Two, maybe sam as well? I don’t see him getting along with the second cast as much as the first. Which is the complete opposite of most TF2 mercs. Soldier is the only one I can see being better mates with the first game rather than the second game.

Would be least liked by Tycho I’d say. Which to note, everybody would be civil with each other just. With Tycho he’d have the same ‘he’s wearing Blu!!! I keep my eye on you…’

Glados… I wanna compare their relationship to his with Merasmus. Obviously Glados and Soldier weren’t roommates but. I feel like they’d have the same type of relationship (like from Soldier, hatred from Glados)

Reginald Van Winslow would HATE- dislike him for property damage too. Type to get banned like Pyro

[engiebabey]

AAAAAA your fics are so cute!!! :D I rlly loved ur babysitter scout hcs, I was wondering if I could rq a oneshot of scout finding out that reader regresses? :> /nf thank u!

—@little-t-rex-boi

of course!! i love writing for him (i say that abt all the mercs tho teehee). regression age is not mentioned but it's somewhere between 2-4! reader uses sippy and a pacifier. this was a little shorter than i wanted it to be so i'll probably expand on it in the future!

warnings: use of pacifier, use of sippy cup

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Today had been great. You had spent the afternoon chilling around the base with the other mercenaries, as it had been a day off from battle. The opportunity for rest was always a great surprise, and you just had to take the chance to use it to its fullest

Evening was approaching quickly, though, and you were starting to regress for nighttime, a habit you found yourself slipping into. You were small enough that you had stopped talking in full sentences and had opted out of playing poker, instead choosing to watch as the men gathered around the table competitively.

"Hey, ya sure you don't wanna play?" Scout asked, noticing that you were quieter than usual. He didn't want to make you feel left out. "There's always room for one more, ya know."

When you shook your head "no" instead of giving a real response, he raised an eyebrow, but turned back to his set of cards anyways. He could tell something was up, but chose not to mention it in front of the others.

Eventually, you toddled off, not wanting to fully regress with the rest of the team present. As you retreated to your living quarters, you retrieved your paci, humming to yourself as you sucked on it and pulled out your coloring book to play with.

It had only been a half hour until the team was done with their game, and Scout was suspicious on where you had gone off to. He slunk past the others to go looking for you, standing in front of your door for a moment, taking a deep breath before knocking.

"Uh, hey Y/N, don't tell me you're sleepin' already, it's only 6pm!" he says from the other side of the closed door. When he doesn't get a response, he tries again, "You in there?"

Gently, he pushes the door to find it unlocked, swinging open. There you are, sat on the floor with a pacifier in your mouth, scribbling nonsense onto a picture of Pinkie Pie, making little noises.

When you hear Scout come in, your head whips around, but you make no urgent move to cover yourself, too regressed to care. The both of you stare at each other for a moment, his eyes dropping to the different aspects you've got around you before speaking again.

"Y/N.. you alright? What's all this?" he asks. No answer again, you just coo and look at him with round, curious eyes. "Okay. Whatcha doin'?"

He sits next to you on the ground, pointing to your pictures. "You, uh, like drawin'?" He's unsure what to say, not wanting to upset you. However, you seem perfectly fine and happy with yourself, so he rolls with it.

You gently start to grab for his hat, your little fingers gripping the brim as you tug at it, wanting it. "Whatcha doin' kid, you want my hat?" he chuckles, taking it off his own head and setting it on yours. "That's pretty cute." he says aloud, looking at you with your pacifier and his hat, blinking up at him.

You pat your own head, now covered by his hat, and reach behind you to curate your sippy cup. Using two hands, you hold it up a little too close to Scout's face, speaking for the first time in a few hours. "Juice?" you mumble from around your paci.

"You want juice, kiddo?" he smiles softly, taking the cup from your hands. "Alright, let's go get juice." He stands up, shaking his hand for you to grab. When you clutch on to only one of his fingers, his heart melts.

"Big brudder," you mutter, following after him as he leads you to the kitchen. He stops for a moment, reeling at the fact that you called him that on your own.

"Yeah, toots? Ya need somethin' else?"

"No," you shake your head, "Jus' like you, see." You point to the hat again. "Match."

"Yeah, kid, I see." Scout gives you a toothy grin, placing his free hand on your head and ruffling it a little.

"Just like big brother."

[terbiuminatrenchcoat]

HAHA

RANDOM TF2 RED TEAM HEADCANNONS, LETS GO!!!

+Pyro sets the people they care about on fire sometimes, believing that they are spreading love and cheer because of their pyro vision.

+Pyro gifts flower crowns to people they are close with and/or sees as very cool.

+Pyro puts stickers on their team or the enemy teams weapons.

+Pyro is somehow… Friends with Merasmus?

—Next—

+Engineer jumps to making and creating stuff even when creating another thing because of a somewhat memory of like; “Wait… What was I supposed to do again?”

+Engineer is sometimes forced to take breaks by:

Soldier, who takes him out for lunch, rocket jumping, talking about AMERICA RAHHH 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸, blah, blah, blah.

Medic, who visits to remind him of a check up. (If Engineer doesn’t come, Heavy would have to drag him out of the workshop if persuasion does not work.)

Pyro, who shows his artwork, gifting flower crowns, etc…

—Next—

+Soldier is always prepared for what happens next. Why? Paranoia and belief that his teammates would reveal they ain’t American and attack him.

+Soldier is dumb-smart.

+Soldier is delusional enough to understand animals and Pyro.

+Soldier roughhouses a lot more than the other mercs.

—Next—

+Medic is Medic.

—Next—

+Sniper had one of his kidneys surgically replaced (by Medic), because it wasn’t helping with his focus (since it burns when he— ahem. I mean.).

+Sniper often watches over his teammates because he genuinely cares about them but doesn’t really know how to interact with them (besides Pyro, Engineer, and a lil’ bit of Scout?)

+Sniper keeps this one thing in mind. What is it? The time he got along with Medic with their interest in animals (mainly birds, but sometimes other animals.)

+Sniper sometimes just quietly plays poker, blackjack, and other card games with the team.

+Sniper allows Scout to enter his campervan as long as he knocks… Scout forgets sometimes.

—Next—

+Scout keeps around a whistleblower with him normally.

—Finish Line—

You made it to the end! Thank you for reading my yapping session!<3

-From your dear friend, @terbiuminatrenchcoat

[artsy-n-smartsy]

Thinking about Heavy a lot ngl.. he's a monster on the battlefield and shows no mercy towards his opponents, even enjoying the slaughtering, but at the same time he's also taken on a protective role and wants to keep his family and other innocents safe.

I mean, the contrast of the end of Meet the Heavy...

...and the Engineer story he told in Poker Night.........

(yes I know Poker Night isn't exactly canon, but I did hear that Valve approved of the script, and...well, I think it's interesting so sue me lol)

.........versus the childhood story he shared...

and the way he seems...hurt(?) when he realizes that his sisters can fight for themselves, and thus no longer need him to be their protector...

...it says a lot, I think. He's a fierce, unforgiving fighter...but he isn't heartless. At least, not to those who don't deserve suffering.

And while his character description also makes it clear he is in no mood for BS...

...I mean. When lives are at stake, why WOULD you tolerate folly? The man knows what war is like. ...Well, all the mercs do, I suppose. But Heavy quite literally lived through a revolution. It isn't a laughing matter, or a time to be all buddy-buddy and goof off.

That doesn't mean Heavy doesn't care about his team. Of course he does! We can see that in the comics where he helps fight for his team...and we're all familiar with this scene:

He does care, quite deeply I'd say. He continued fighting alongside them until the end of the Gravel Wars.

And after a life of not knowing peace, he found it. <3

[multiheadcanons]

TF2 MERCS ARGUING

scout: scout wins arguments because he talks so fast you can’t keep up. will ask fifty questions and as you’re answering the first one he’s demanding answers for the other forty-nine. he would be an almost admirable debater if it weren’t for the fact that he won’t slow down, shut up, and hear the other side out to formulate a rebuttal; but because he essentially refuses to do so, he misses vital information in the argument.

soldier: soldier doesn’t argue. soldier gives orders and you either follow them or are insubordinate and will be treated as such. he has no interest in arguing why he’s right, just know he’s right, shut the fuck up, and do what you’re told. honestly, if you’re at a point where you’re arguing with soldier; you fucked up somewhere in your day to lead you there. it’s not like soldier is telling you to disarm a bomb. okay, well he might be, but you could let the damn thing explode and he’ll take that! most of his orders are so boringly easy to follow, even when you think they’re not; that you could ignore them and they still get done.

pyro: pyro doesn’t argue unless they’re getting blamed for something they know they didn’t do. then it is a court trial. gets very heated very fast, and ends up throwing their hands up and stewing like a child. they’ll take the blame, but they’re not happy with anyone about it. it’s better to avoid them at that point, because then they’ll argue with anyone. it’s hard to break through to pyro when they feel like it’s them against the team. those are their buds, and they don’t like getting blamed for things they didn’t do. they’re willing to take accountability, but if they didn’t do it then they didn’t do it.

demo: demo is one of the better mercs to argue with because he will at least give you an opportunity to state your case, and if he finds fault in what he did he’ll admit it. but if he didn’t, then that’s all that arguing out the window. he’ll tell you to take it somewhere else. the only people who get no mercy is medic and spy, because he knows they just like to argue when they’re bored. he’ll tell you scout did it if it gets you off his back with an argument. he already fights as a job. he has no interest in fighting for fun.

heavy: heavy’s mean when he argues. one of the few times he curses and hurls insults directly at people. but again, if you find yourself in a position where you’re arguing with heavy, you fucked up somewhere in your day to lead you there. heavy is an easy guy to get along with, he is a man willing to communicate. so to bypass all calm means of communication and bring him a problem by arguing with him will get you called a dumbass, a fucking idiot, a pathetic moron; especially because he keeps receipts and alibis, so if you’re accusing him of something you better have undeniable proof it was him. and if you are stupid enough to argue with him in public you’ll regret it. if he doesn’t elect to make you cry outright as he harshly shuts you down, the growl in his throat of him telling you to shut it should be enough to frighten you into turning that into a private conversation.

engineer: do not argue with this man. he gets in your face, he is insulting, he is condescending, he’s flat out wrong half the time, and even when he’s right it does not justify his behavior in the slightest. arguing is a blood sport that isn’t about right and wrong. it’s about domination. and it’s a sport he’s very good at. that is, if he doesn’t gaslight you into thinking that your issue with him is actually an issue with yourself. there is a reason anyone who associates themselves in any way with engie have nothing but positive things to say. he is not a man with a survivable bad side.

medic: see, is it arguing if you’re not even sure you’re arguing? don’t argue with this freak either. it’s the most fucked up game of metaphorical poker. you see his face in flashes, the momentary sneer, the brow furrow, his lips very clearly pull down, but you blink and his face is neutral again. he’s making scathing claims in an even more chipper tone than normal. then he laughs. but the room is tense. it’s easier to back out of an argument with medic than it is the other mercs, because the air around medic is normally so intense that you truly never know where exactly you stand with him on a given day, so it’s easier to go “actually doc, you’re being weird. i’m gonna go.”

sniper: a relatively normal guy to argue with. he groans, he grumbles, but he listens before he shoots back. however, the second he gets whiff that you’re wrong, or he thinks he’s worn you down enough that you’re willing to admit you might be coming at the wrong person sideways, he’s an opportunist with it. he’ll hit you with that “this is why we double check our sources and don’t believe random shit we’re told, dumbass”. he is also very fast to back out of an argument the second he gets the thought that he might be wrong. it’s an immediate argument ender. he says “oop— nope i’m wrong, im sorry.” and will quickly find somewhere else to be that is not in your line of sight.

spy: it depends how you start the argument that is going to determine how spy argues with you. if you come at him aggressively, he won’t even entertain it. “don’t you lecture me with your thirty dollar haircut.” he uses insults you know you’ve heard from the other mercs before. but they sound so natural coming from him that it’s hard to know who got it from where. he will cut you down in ten words or less every time before he just cloaks and comes up missing. a calmer approach will let him be more open to what you’ve got to say, but at that point is it even an argument? because spy argues for fun. he doesn’t do it for anything less than fun, and he’ll corner you somewhere, or alienate you in a room and ask you a question he knows is going to piss him off just to argue with you. and he pushes. he’ll test your patience with it. and you won’t know (because you’ll be too busy trying to get your own emotional state under control) but he’s having so much fun. sometimes he forgets he works with men, and pushes (particularly the doctor, with a shorter temper than anyone on the team will accurately recall) to the point where it’s a physical fight.