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thatfanficstuff · 5 years ago

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Strange Fates - 2

Chapter Two: Hello There

Pairing: Eventual Mikaelson bros x Soulmate! Reader

Warnings: nope.

A/N: And so it begins.

***

You didn’t get a chance to call anyone the next morning before you received a text from Cami telling you Marcel had already talked to Jackson. He and his wife would be stopping by around 10 to talk to you. If that wouldn’t work, all you had to do was call. You blinked at the message for a moment before texting back a quick thank you. You weren’t used to people doing things for you. Especially without wanting something in return. Cami was good people.

You glanced at the time and poured yourself a mug of coffee. You carried it into the bedroom with you so you could get dressed before your visitors arrived. You didn’t put much thought into your clothing other than making sure it was something you wouldn’t mind getting dirty. Once the contractors left, you had work of your own to do. After dressing in the first pair of jeans and t-shirt you found, you wandered back out to the kitchen. You’d just refreshed your coffee when there was a knock at the door.

You opened it to find a couple on your doorstep that had to be Jackson and Haley. They both had dark hair and eyes. He was slightly taller than her and had a light beard. They made a lovely couple, that was for sure. “Jackson and Haley Kenner. We own Crescent Moon Contracting.”

You shook both of their hands before stepping back to let them in. “It’s nice to meet you. Come on in.”

They exchanged a look before stepping into the house. “Thank you. Just so you know, you should be careful who you invite into your house around here,” Haley warned.

“Haley,” Jackson chastised before looking at you. “Sorry.”

You pursed your lips. “No, it’s fine. Always good advice no matter where you live. You never know what you might be inviting in. I have my own way of keeping out unwanted guests though.”

You could see the questions burning in their gazes and sipped at your coffee to hide your smirk. Suddenly, you remembered your manners. “I’m sorry. Would either of you like something to drink?”

“No, we’re good. Marcel said you needed some help with some painting?” Jackson prompted.

“We normally don’t do small jobs, but Marcel and Cami said you could really use the help.” Irritation threaded through the woman’s voice.

“Haley,” Jackson all but growled. She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest as he turned his attention back to you. He shook his head slightly. “Sorry again.”

You didn’t even try to hide your smile this time. Their interaction was amusing and it was evident to see they cared for each other. “It’s fine and while I do have some painting to do, that’s just a small part of what I need done both here and at my shop.”

He tilted his head. “Shop?”

“I bought a building not far from here to turn into a bookstore. I’m planning something a little different. Even for New Orleans.” Your grandfather had owned his store for nearly forty years. When he died, it all went to you but you had no desire to stay in that town. So, you closed it up. You packed each book yourself and were amazed at some of the things you’d found buried in his stacks. You’d also obtained a couple of estate collections you hadn’t even had time to catalog yet. You couldn’t wait to get everything the way you wanted it and start setting up the store.

“Great. Let’s get started,” Jackson said as he pulled out a notebook and pencil.

You nodded and began to lead them through the house. It didn’t take you long to point out what needed to be painted and what light fixtures and shelves needed to be installed along with some more extensive work in the kitchen and bathrooms. They hadn’t been updated in decades.

“If you don’t mind me saying, you seem incredibly well-versed in what needs to be done to get the result you’re after,” he said as you finished in the kitchen.

You huffed a laugh. “My grandfather always was a handyman. He taught me everything he knew. I could do most of the work myself but it would take forever and I’m impatient. Plus, the store is a whole separate project and the mere thought of trying to do both at the same time had me pulling my hair out.”

“Honestly, you’ll probably feel that way even with someone else doing the work. Renovations are stressful either way,” Haley said. She had relaxed considerably as you went through the house. Now, she was smiling. You wondered if all strangers made her uncomfortable at first, or if it was just you. Or perhaps all the dollar signs she saw as you added to the list had loosened her up.

“Oh, trust me. I know. Should we go see the shop?” you asked.

“Sounds good,” Jackson said. They waited for you to grab the keys and lock up the house. “Do we need to take the truck?”

You shook your head. “It’s only a few blocks away. We might as well walk.”

They fell into step behind you and let you lead the way.

When you’d gotten about a block from the house, Haley cleared her throat. “If you don’t mind me asking, how exactly do you know Marcel and Cami? I haven’t heard them mention you before.”

You couldn’t keep the grin from your face. “That would probably be because I just met them last night. Cami and I bonded.”

Haley snorted. “Bonded. That sounds like Cami, all right.”

In a few minutes you were in front of the building that would be your store. The windows were soaped up so no one could see inside. You unlocked everything and motioned for them to go in before you.

“I know this building. It used to be a voodoo shop,” Haley said. Your brows shot up in surprise. When she saw the look on your face, she waved her hand through the air. “Not a real one, of course. Just a tourist thing. They had some pretty jewelry.”

She’d be surprised to find out just how much of what the former tenants did was real magic, you thought. You had to do a pretty thorough cleansing when you bought the place.

“Wow,” Jackson breathed.

You turned to find him running his hand along one of the large oak shelves you’d brought with you. “My grandfather built those. I couldn’t bear to leave them behind. As you can see, they need some repair and rejuvenation. I’d like to us them as a starting point for the rest of the space.”

He looked around the space and nodded as if picturing it in his head. “How many shelves are you going to want total?”

“Oh, here,” you said and walked over to the counter to grab a piece of paper. It was a complete layout of how you wanted the main room to look including measurements and counter space. You handed it over to him and he whistled through his teeth.

“You are making my job easy, Y/N. I wish all our clients were as sure about what they wanted as you are.”

“That just means you can work faster, right?” You laughed.

“Actually, it does,” Haley agreed.

You pointed to the paper. “On the back is what I need done in the back room and upstairs as well. It’s not nearly as extensive.”

Jackson flipped the paper over, his eyes scanning over your work. “Is that a stove?” he asked.

You nodded. “With a double oven. I wrote the make and model number down for you on the side there.”

“This is great,” Haley said, peering at the paper from beside him. “Give us a couple of days and we’ll write up an estimate and get it to you.”

“When do you think you’d be able to start?” You bit your lip as you awaited the response. It was unlikely they had an opening right now but you could hope.

The two of them exchanged a look. “Let me make a couple of calls, and I’ll let you know. We can move some things around maybe and we have some extra crew we could call in.”

“That would be great.” And it would, but you’d try not to get your hopes up.

The three of you stepped outside and they moved across the street to look over the front of the building while you locked up. It was in desperate need of a paintjob as well.

When you turned, you found another man stood with them. The three of them were talking, occasionally glancing toward your building. Your mouth instantly went dry as you ran your gaze over the new arrival. Holy shit. He was stunning. You couldn’t think of another word really. He was dressed in a well-tailored suit. Every strand of his dark hair was neatly in place and he held himself with a confidence you rarely saw. He had his hands in his pockets and rocked on his feet as he laughed at something Jackson said.

Realizing you were staring, you turned your attention to your contractors as you walked across to join them. Jackson’s attention was on the other man but Haley was smirking while shooting glances between you and the stranger. Evidently, you’d been caught ogling her friend. Great.

She smacked her husband’s arm with the back of her hand. “Jackson, introduce Elijah to our new client.”

Your face heated and you hoped no one noticed your embarrassment. “Thanks, Haley,” you said with a tight smile. You were almost positive you heard her giggle.

The man’s lips twisted into a half-grin as he offered his hand. “Yes, I’m sorry to have distracted them from your meeting. I had been meaning to call and couldn’t pass up the opportunity to talk to them. I am Elijah Mikaelson. And who might you be?”

“Y/N Y/L/N.” You took his offered hand and gasped as heat flared under the skin on your wrist. Your gaze darted to your joined hands. The three dots of his soulmate mark were visible where they rested near his thumb. The lines to finish it appeared literally in front of your eyes.

Your gaze darted back to his face to find his attention locked on your hands as well. When he looked up, he grinned. “Well, hello there.”

#mikaelsons x reader #mikaelsons x you #Elijah Mikaelson x reader #Elijah Mikaelson x you #Klaus Mikaelson x you #Klaus Mikaelson x reader #kol Mikaelson x you #kol Mikaelson x reader #the originals fanfiction #soulmate au #series #strange fates

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sassycassie-s-writing · 6 years ago

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Snow Storm

By: SassyShoulderAngel319

Fandom/Character(s): Avengers/Loki

Rating: PG

Original Idea: I wrote this a couple days before Thanksgiving when this was going around Tumblr and picked one that would feasibly work.

Notes: (Masterlist)(By Character)(About Me) I very rarely write Loki one-shots on this blog. Often I submit them to Imagine Loki with one of their imagines, but this one was just all me without any of their inspiration. This is one of the longest one-shots I’ve ever written for this blog, just over 3,000 words. Because I felt the need to have context *blows raspberry*

^^^^^

Loki and I wrapped our coats tighter around our bodies and ran out of the store to my car, feeling snow lightly strike our faces. I unlocked the SUV from a few feet away and we piled in. I jammed the key in the ignition, turned it, and cranked up the heater. “Is this you?” I asked him as I struggled to find my seatbelt behind me, referring to the weather.

“I thought it was you,” he commented.

I gave him a sarcastic look. “I'm not a Frost Giant!” I retorted sarcastically.

If anyone else had said that to him, he probably would have unsheathed his dagger and stabbed them remorselessly. As it was, I said it—and for some reason he had a soft spot for me—so he actually grinned. “Alright, fair point,” he conceded.

“C’mon, let’s get this stuff over to Tony and Pepper before this storm gets any worse,” I said, backing out of the parking space and beginning the drive over to the secret Stark apartment near where Queens, Brooklyn, and Manhattan were closest to each other, but on the Queens/Brooklyn side of the river. In fact, the large apartment was in Queens but Brooklyn was close.

“I thought you were skilled at driving in the snow,” Loki pointed out. “You grew up in a place with bad winters, yes?”

“Oh yeah. I'm great at driving in the snow—even without four-wheel drive. I've been driving in the snow almost every winter since I was sixteen so I'm used to it. The problem is, a lot of other people in this city aren’t as used to it. And New York is so crammed that they don’t really have anywhere to put all the snow once it’s been plowed. That’s what worries me,” I replied, gripping my steering wheel so tight my knuckles were probably white under my gloves.

“Fair point,” Loki repeated.

I drove through the borough, hating every second of it. I was more comfortable that I wasn’t in Manhattan, but that didn’t mean I liked driving in New York. I really didn’t. I avoided it whenever possible.

We reached the secret New York side residence of Tony and his fiancée and dropped off several tote bags-worth of party supplies that he’d asked me to pick up for an event he refused to share any information for. I was guessing it was the Avengers Holiday Party. Tony thanked us and sent us on our way.

“I’ll take you back to your place,” I told Loki as we got in the car. In the last several minutes of unloading alone the snow had gotten heavier, now sticking more firmly to the ground.

“Alright,” Loki said as he did up his seatbelt.

Loki maintained an apartment in Queens that was as close to Manhattan as it could be—and he’d had it since before the Battle of New York several years before. I wasn’t sure why he had it, but he visited Earth enough to warrant keeping it, I guessed.

I pulled into his parking space—since he didn’t have a car and told me to—and parked the car. “Well, thanks for running so many errands with me today. I’ll see you… tomorrow, right?”

Loki peered out the window. “It’s really coming down out there,” he observed. “Why don’t you come in for a while? See if the storm slows down.”

“Nah. I'm fine,” I dismissed, convincing myself more than him.

“No. Seriously. I have a bad feeling about you driving all alone in the dark in a storm.”

“Loki—”

“Please,” he interrupted.

I blinked in surprise. Manners? From Loki? Well, that wasn’t too uncommon since he’d… reformed, for lack of a better word, but he sounded so sincere and genuinely concerned that it completely threw me off.

“I’ll make some cocoa too,” he added as an afterthought.

I smiled and rolled my eyes. “Okay. I’ll come in and wait for it to lighten up,” I relented.

As I turned the car off and searched the backseat for my bag with one arm bent awkwardly backward, Loki circled around the front of the car and opened my door for me. “My lady,” he said.

I snorted as I let him help me out so I wouldn’t fall. “Thank you, Your Highness,” I replied as I locked my car.

We both chuckled as he held my hand on the way inside since I nearly slipped on my car’s wet foothold. Once we were through the door a blast of heat hit us. I sighed with relief at the sensation of my skin thawing out. Loki let go of my hand to allow me to take off my gloves—and to press the call button for the elevator.

Up in his apartment, we shed our coats and Loki made cocoa—heating the milk on the stove instead of in the microwave. Which I thought was strange but decided not to say anything about. Some people just made hot cocoa that way. I'd seen it before but it was still strange.

While the milk was heating up he dug out a wonderfully soft green blanket and wrapped it around my shoulders. “Your face is red,” he observed, leaning against the counter across from me.

“Just cold,” I replied with a shrug.

When he finished the cocoa, he handed me a mug. I wrapped my hands around it, absorbing as much heat from it as I could.

He held up the TV remote. “You don’t mind do you? Just want to check the weather.”

“Not at all. Go ahead.”

He turned on the TV and flicked it over to the ten o’clock news. “—freak snowstorm that’s currently hitting New York City. The worst of it seems to be in Queens, which is great for all those in Manhattan, Brooklyn, the Bronx, and Staten Island, but not so much for those in Queens. Since this one sprang from nowhere, we can’t estimate an inch-amount, but given how hard it’s coming down right now, I'd say we might reach over a foot of snow. I hope everyone’s home and safe or following reasonable precautions. It doesn’t look like it’s going to let up at all tonight, so sorry to anyone who had plans,” the weather lady said.

Loki turned the TV off. “That doesn’t sound good,” he remarked nonchalantly.

I chewed my lip, nervous. “Maybe I should head home before it gets any worse,” I muttered.

“No. Just wait and see if it lets up a little. If it doesn’t, you're more than welcome to stay here.”

“Thanks Loki, but really, I should get home.”

“You just got here. At least finish your cocoa first,” he protested.

I took a sip of the mostly-full mug. “Okay,” I relented.

“While you're here, is it alright if I pick your brain a bit?” he asked.

“Sure. Can’t guarantee I’ll be any help, but sure.”

He grinned. “Thank you. I, er, I was wondering how you maintain your relationship with your family. Mine is just sort of… always in chaos. And since my mother died a few years ago… nothing’s been the same.”

I pursed my lips and nodded, taking a sip of the cocoa—which was delicious—to give myself a moment to think. “Really the best way is open communication and unconditional love.”

Loki scoffed. “Open communication has never been my family’s forte,” he informed me.

“That explains why it’s so chaotic,” I said, punctuating my point with another drink.

We talked a while more while I drank my cocoa. Loki sipped at his but didn’t seem too invested in it. I guessed it was because he was a Frost Giant under his Asgardian appearance and too much heat was probably uncomfortable for him. I didn’t ask if I was right or not, because no one was allowed to ask him about being a Frost Giant, not even me.

At some point we migrated from the kitchen to the living room, sitting next to each other on the sofa almost too close for anyone else’s comfort. We just always had done so since we felt safe in each other’s company—neither of us would judge the other.

Loki wrapped his arm around me as we stared out the window. If anything, the snow was just falling harder.

“Why did you choose me?” Loki asked.

“What do you mean?”

“When you first joined the Avengers, you made friends with everyone, and yet time and again you choose to spend your time with me—the maniac who destroyed half of Manhattan. Why?”

I made a face. “We’re more alike than you think,” I admitted.

Loki snorted. “I don’t think we could be any more different, darling. You're kind and sweet and gentle. And I'm—”

“Cold and bitter?” I suggested. Loki nodded. I scoffed. “Perhaps you are. But Thor has told me many stories of your childhood. You were undoubtedly the nicer of the two of you. I know what it’s like to be the younger sibling of a person who takes up all the attention of everyone else, trust me. I may not be as broken as you are, but I'm not as whole as you think.” I brushed my hair out of my face. The snow had made the top of it slightly damp. Then I set my hand on Loki’s knee. “We’re not as different as you think. You haven't seen me in a battle yet. And let’s just say I'm an Avenger for a reason.”

Loki raised an eyebrow. “Is that so?”

“Yup.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “I always figured you pitied me.”

“Maybe I did once. But you're smart and have a better heart than you let the others see, and I liked that more than I like the others. Don’t get me wrong I love the team, but I can get a little fed up with Captain Boy Scout, Iron Arrogant, Prince Dramasgard, Cryptic Widow, Dr. BanNerd, and Hawkdry. How refreshing to have someone more like me around.”

We lapsed into silence, watching the snow fall.

I ran out of hot chocolate and glanced at my watch. 11PM. “Oh boy it’s late. I should really be getting home.”

As I moved to get up, Loki took my hand—not my wrist as he usually would. “Don’t go. It’s dangerous. I have a really bad feeling about you driving this late in this storm. Please. Just stay the night.”

“I don’t have… like, pajamas or a toothbrush or anything.”

He smirked. “Lucky you I have extras.”

“Oh yeah—like your pajamas would fit me,” I remarked sarcastically.

Loki chuckled. “Don’t worry, they will. They’ll just be a little long.” He stood up and guided me by the hand to his bedroom. I'd been in his room a few times. It was painted a pale goldenrod with a rich maroon bedspread and armchair and mahogany furniture. It never failed to make me feel slightly awkward to be in his room. I didn’t belong in there.

He rifled through the top drawer of his dresser and extracted some pajamas—or sleeping clothes as he’d called them once. He passed them to me. “Try these on. They should fit.”

I went into the bathroom and stripped out of my jeans and sweater and pulled the pajamas on, leaving my bra on underneath.

The shirt was so long it fell to my knees. It was green and softer than any clothing I'd ever worn before—softer than anything had a right to be. It made me sleepy just to put it on. The loose brown-and-green plaid trousers were way too long on me, but at least they fit even though I was nowhere near as slim as Loki was.

Once I left the bathroom, Loki offered me a brand-new toothbrush still in the packaging. “There’s toothpaste in the drawer on the right,” he informed me. I accepted it, brushed my teeth, and then went out into the living room, readying a throw pillow on the sofa and the blanket he’d given me before searching for a few more blankets. He was a Frost Giant—he kept his apartment pretty cold. I did too at night, but I liked being bundled up.

He was so quiet and I was so wrapped up in my quest for blankets that I didn’t realize he’d returned.

“What are you doing?” he asked incredulously.

“Getting ready for bed,” I answered confusedly.

He pointed over his shoulder. “No, you're staying in the bedroom,” he countered.

“No I'm not,” I replied. “I'm sleeping on the couch.”

“No you're not.”

“Yes I am.”

“Darling, you are going to stay in the bedroom. It’s just one night.”

“But that’s your room.”

“That I rarely stay in.”

“But it’s still your bedroom—and I'd be lying if I didn’t admit that would make me feel a little weird.”

“Well would it help you if we just shared the bedroom?” Loki exclaimed in frustration.

“Yes,” I said decisively. My eyebrows scrunched. “Wait… what?”

“It’s settled then. We’ll just share.”

Filthy manipulator, I thought angrily to myself. “No,” I pressed. “I’ll just sleep on the couch.”

But Loki wasn’t listening. He’d already grabbed my wrist—and I realized he was in pajamas remarkably similar to the ones I was borrowing—and was dragging me gently back to the bedroom. “Too bad. You’ve already settled the matter,” he argued.

“Loki…” I warned.

“Look, darling, it’s one night and I doubt I’ll even touch you—especially not without your consent. The bed is far more comfortable than the sofa anyway.” As he spoke, he pulled open the bedroom door and let me go, inviting me in with a sweep of his hand. I screwed up my face in frustration. If I tried to go back to the sofa, he’d just catch me and pull me back, and he was so stubborn that I wouldn’t be able to talk him out of this—for some reason—so I debated for a moment before crossing the threshold.

He came in too. “Which side would you prefer?” he asked, leaving the door open.

“Don’t care. Farthest from the window is fine,” I answered.

“Alright then.” He flung the covers on the side I'd chosen down, circled the bed, and crawled in on the side next to the window. I rolled my eyes, turned off the light, and got in.

I felt far more comfortable in the darkness. Like he couldn’t judge me if he couldn’t see me. Wearing his pajamas—which were ridiculously comfortable—was a bit odd, but I was getting so tired that I couldn’t bring myself to care.

I rolled onto my left side, so I was facing his back, and closed my eyes, drifting off to sleep.

^^^^^

Loki sensed her go to sleep as her body relaxed. A grin tugged on the corners of his face as he gently rolled onto his other side to look at her.

In sleep she was peaceful. She looked adorably small in her borrowed Asgardian pajamas—which were also too long on him—and her long eyelashes looked like wisps of shadows on her face. Her gentle breathing made her chest and side rise and fall.

She had no idea. It was kind of adorable.

Loki wasn’t the God of Lies for nothing. Of course it was his Frost Giant powers that were making the snow storm so severe. He just… he just wanted her to stay. She was the only Midgardian he enjoyed being around. He felt like she never judged him. He liked her company more than any other currently-alive being’s—even his brother’s. She was just bright—both in the smart way and the happy way—and smiley. It made him feel better.

The God of Mischief grinned as he closed his eyes, adjusted his position slightly, and also fell asleep.

^^^^^

Warmth surrounded me when I woke up. Through my closed eyelids I could see morning light. Some sort of pressure was on my right arm—the side exposed to the air—and my forehead was brushing something soft.

I was really comfortable. The pajama trousers I was wearing were bunched up around my knees and the overlong shirt I wore was twisted around my body, but other than that, I didn’t even want to move. I could feel my hair under my face and my arm under a pillow that was too cushy to be mine. I used a firm pillow because otherwise my neck would ache.

Where was I? What was that pressure? I didn’t want to move—or wake up—but I was curious.

I peeled my eyes open—

And it took everything I had not to shriek from being startled.

Loki was peacefully sleeping only an inch from my face. My forehead had been brushing a lock of his hair. His arm was flung over my shoulder and his eyes were closed. I realized, up-close-and-personal, that his eyelashes were almost as long as mine.

Slowly, I eased out from under his arm, trying to keep him asleep.

Fail.

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. “Morning beautiful,” he greeted.

“I really wish you’d stop calling me endearments when we’re just friends,” I commented.

“Are we, though? Just friends?”

“Um… yeah. I think we are.”

“Would you be open to more?”

“I'm not having this conversation right now.”

“Why not?” he asked blearily.

“Because we just woke up. I don’t make good choices when I just barely woke up,” I retorted, moving to climb out of the bed.

Loki gently took my hand and tugged me back. “Nooo,” he complained. “Stay. You're so warm.”

I snorted. “No I'm not. I generate so little body heat I get cold the second the temperature dips lower than seventy-three degrees.”

“And I'm a Frost Giant who generates little body heat myself, love. But together we’re nice and cozy.”

“If I wasn’t with you all night last night I'd wonder if you had a hangover or something,” I remarked. “You very nearly sound drunk. Honestly, where is this all coming from? Why are you asking me if I'd be open to more now?”

“Because sleeping next to someone for a long time promotes trust—and I've been mildly in love with you for months.”

“What?!”

#Snow Storm #Loki #Loki Imagine #Loki FanFiction #Avengers #Avengers Imagine #Avengers FanFiction #Marvel Imagine #Marvel #Marvel FanFiction

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crossedbeams · 7 years ago

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ROSE REVIEWS… THE X-FILES - S1.E11 Eve

<<1.10 Fallen Angel ——————————— 1.12 Fire >>

I’m salty today and what better way than to transfer that into something positive than to finish this long overdue and almost certainly irrelevant recap of Eve. Read on for children who are almost as scary as their acting is bad, prison aesthetics and idiotic blithering by me.

THE PLOT

The fathers of creepy children are being exsanguinated on opposite coasts and Mulder wants to know the aliens have upgraded from cows. IVF suspicions run wild and with a little help from good old Deep Throat, the terrific two suspect genetic government experiments gone wrong may be responsible for the shenanigans. When the creepy kids go missing, things escalate and soda becomes a very dangerous refreshment...

Let’s go...

MY STREAM OF SEMI-CONSCIOUSNESS

Ah. The X-Files, the show that is always a scenic autumnal bath for my eyes…. And where under the leaves there is probably a dead person eaten by a molewoman or an alien. Honey? I’m home.

We find ourselves in an idyllic suburban neighbourhood, (always bad news on screen), where very concerned joggers approach an underdressed child and her stuffed animal. It’s hard at this stage to decipher whether the kid is creepy or just a really bad actor but the suspense synth hardly encourages us to give her the benefit of the doubt...

They head to the backyard, where peppy jogging neighbour fails to notice that the kid’s dad is dead coloured, posed like a corpse and basically, stereotypically and obviously dead... until he claps him jovially on the shoulder causing a tragicomic half slump of dead dad, and exposing vampiric looking marks. The kid screams, not sure why, she’s way too far away to see anything. This is the point at which I begin to suspect that she is both a bad actor AND entry #224 in the Vancouver local listing of Creepy Kids for Hire. Move over Conduit boy!

CREDITS!

This week we only wait 2.5 mins for our special baby Agents to materialise, Scully dressed as a Catholic grade schooler and Mulder wearing a tie designed, as far as I can tell, to look like mushroom soup with licorice allsorts floating in it.

Their poor fashion choices don’t seem to put them off them though, and we zigzag between lip biting (Mulder), making weird moany noises (Scully), and the level of inter office eye contact we’ve come to expect from these fluffy baby agents all set to a soundtrack of cattle mutilation chatter. And our series first (!) cow slideshow!

Scully is still naive enough to ask why Mulder believes cattle mutilation is linked to aliens. Give it a few weeks and you’ll realise that aliens is pretty much always the answer to “Why….” on the X-Files and that eyebrow is the only appropriate response before you just go with it.

I can’t wait :D

As Mulds and Sculls traverse some stairs, I realise that creepy kid #1 is called Teena. Spelled the same as Mulder’s mum. Because apparently the X-Files name bank isn’t only shallow in the male department. Also is Teena a normal spelling in the States? Here it’d only really be Tina….

I then get distracted by Scully in the biggest of purple coats. I’d love to see S1 Scully’s closet. A symphony of oversized pastels with overcoats to clash… don’t worry though hon. You’ll get some style later though for the bargain price of two (2) family members and also your ova. Poor Scully.

Scully also looks incredibly young in this scene, speaking all soft to the kid. Moments like this I struggle to believe that Mulder “never saw her as a mom” until Home. She’s all melty round the edges even though the kid is weird and creepy.

When creepy Teena starts talking about red lightning, the massively coached and unnatural pauses in dialogue and the trouble pronouncing exsanguination are just so glaring you can’t believe that this kid’s innocent charade will hold up as long as it does. But it all adds to the creep, just in time for…

**bring bring ** Scully leans in to kiss her spoopy partner tell Mulder there has been another murder. Darn. Seriously though. Close talkin to the power on uuuungghhh right here. No wonder this fandom is so thirsty.

We’re in Vancouver San Franciso, still in giant coats, for another exsanguination and what we now know is death by digitalis. Mulder says that the two estimated times of death were at the “exact same time” and I chuckle to myself like the pedant I am. Estimates cannot be exact dumdum. It also takes the edge off him mansplaining timezones to Scully. SHE IS A MEDICAL DOCTOR DAMMIT.

This scene has very nice warm, sunsetty lighting which is nice as our Spooksters demonstrate why the X-Files department is always over budget; they’ve flown cross country to do two laps of a crime scene while reading a file aloud and the kid they wanna question isn’t even in town. Where is she? I’m glad you asked, coz remember that sunny warmness? Well it’s over.

Back on the east coast, creepTeena is getting outcreeped by a thunderstorm and what appear to be disembodied footsteps at her door. We see nothing but a flash and then the door is open. It’s tense and I’m pretty sure this is never explained, raised as a concern beyond “she got abducted”?

A new day means new suits, Mulder in a tie inspired by parquet flooring and Scully in eggshell and pinstripes and a brown trenchcoat named regret. It’s a lot to process and they still don’t seem overly concerned about Teena’s kidnapping. Despite his post Samantha abduction PTSD, Mulder’s only contribution is a dramatic sky point and the suggestion the cops need to look up, but then dun dun dduuuuunh - there’s another one.

Sinister Cindy in the house. Literally.

She informs them she has lived there “since she was born eight years ago”. Zero inflection with that info and a sentence structure as unnatural as the phenomena Mulder wants to blame. Deffo a rent-a-creepykid. 100%. The woodenness only adds to it.

Commence super awkward kitchen convo where they Mulder and Scully try and fail to find a tactful way to imply Cindy might not be this grieving wife’s legitimate child. A birthing video is offered and declined. Thank god. Imagine is CHris Carter had to watch rushes of an actual woman’s vagina with a female child emerging.

Mrs Reardon’s insistence that Cindy was daddy’s girl is pretty horrifying once you know how it ends. Damn creepy kids. Listening in while watching politics, Cindy is infinitely creepier than Teena and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not for this kid “actor”.

Back in the car and Mulder is still pretty blase about Teena’s abduction/kidnap, though I forgive him because his flippant potato/potahto is adorable and he does hang out in the bushes to try and protect Cindy from getting nabbed sending Scully off to the IVF clinic alone. Ahh... the foreshadowing is out there.

At the Luther Stapes Medical Centre, a doctor mansplains IVF to Scully. She does not punch him. Another way that she is better than me.She does however, maintain super intense eye contact with him for the entire walk and truly it is a miracle she doesn’t fall over.

The next scene is pretty uneventful except that I can honestly say that Sally Kendrick is the last human I would want toying with my cervix. She’s...robotic and it looks like she has to work out how to sit down like a human. She could give Theresa May lessons.

Back at the hotel there’s some funky camera panning that I am here for and also I think there is some dialogue but let’s be honest.... this is more important

Yes Professor I would like some extra credit and may I also just smooth your poofy hair.

Even Scully knows it. Hence her confusion at being ushered out, for no obvious reason. She just wants to look at him and maybe get inside his shirt and ... and... Mulder’s “what’s a girl” is cute.... but this is cuter. (even more overanalysing of this scene here for ya glasses lovers).

Instead of meeting a girl, Mulder meets Deep Throat in an excessively aesthetically pleasing place. Honestly, Eve is a beautiful episode. Despite the creepy kids and imprisoned women. (Eve Aesthetic here). DT seems very concerned that Scully not be invited and while I’m sure that this has some link to the possibility of spy!Scully, it reads more as jealous older manfriend wants pretty Mulder to himself. And honestly I get it. God, fic has ruined me. Anyway, enough of that, enjoy this picture of pensive waterside Mulder and try to recall the specifics of the Deep Throat reveal. Project Blah. Boys called Adam. Girls called Eve. Clones. Bad. Disaster. EVE-il is at work. ¬¬ (sorry)

Mulder has brought sunflower seeds because meeting an informant without snacks = rookie error.

The important thing to note is that Deep Throat basically sets the stage for the Super Soldier Arc and everyone forgets about it when they actually get to the super soldier arc. God, for a continuity pedant, my fave is SO problematic!

Deep Throat finishes by telling Mulder he’s scored him front row seats to what’s left of the whole fucked up thing.

Cut to the most aesthetic Institute for the criminally insane and after some hot DAMN camera angles we get panic buttons and a tromp into the deeps where they keep all the government created monsters, including Eve 6.

I just wanna take a moment away from my snark and give a huge shout out to Harriet Harris who is SO good and creepy in this episode. A lot of the Season 1 extras/bit parts are average to the extreme and honestly, Harris makes this episode. Without her eyeball biting, jerky, wild eyed delivery, this ep would be as mediocre as the creepy twin actresses.

Now we’ve got that out of the way - we find out that Eve 6 screams when the lights are on but is fine with an industrial sized flashlight being shone all up in her face. Nobody’s ever got a good look at her... except presumably the person who undoes her straitjacket so she can pee? And now Mulder and Scully.

Eve 6 is my fave Eve tbh. She’s this perfect mix of terrifying and pitiful, alludes to the telekinetic connection that the younger Eve twins later reference, and is the kind of proof of government misdeed that and older Mulder and Scully despair of, delivered while they’re way too young in their partnership to do anything about it. She tells them that Eves are into suicide, psychosis and murder, and on exiting, our baby agents still don’t suspect the kids.

(Break for actual analysis) It struck me during this scene how this case tunes into both Mulder and Scully’s demons. For Mulder, it’s the missing girls and the incarcerated Eve represents a scenario that could explain Samantha’s absence in the most horrifying ways. What if she is a locked up experiment just like Eve 6? For Scully it’s a visceral representation of her struggle between scientific duty and Christian morality. The creation of Eve 6 is an aberration against both good scientific practice AND the divine right of Good to control life and death... and yet she is also a victim who did not choose too be engineered and while Scully tries to question her, maintaining composure, this face/stress swallow really says it all.

Just to double the sucker punch we cut to Cindy asking the lord to take her soul, her mother looking on with a mournful doomladen stare before telling her daughter how special she is. Cindy is unmoved, because she is special(ly evil) and Mama Reardon leaves, bereft of her husband and unacknowledged by her kid. We get it Chris Carter. Genetic experimentation BAD, family GOOD, foreboding, CHECK.... now can we just-

Mulder Scully stakeout! There is no iced tea in the bag and when Mulder posits that the adult Eves 7 & 8 did done the murders, Scully pulls this face, and mutters without much conviction that she was beginning to suspect the girls.

GOOD CALL SCULLY

Except Mulder then says “no no and here is why” and Scully just goes with it. The whole delivery at set up of this scene feels very Season 1, by which I mean Scully vacillates wildly between submitting to Mulder’s experience and being done.with.his.shit, Mulder gets all the big lines/theories/feelings/hunches and Gillian especially (and David to a lesser degree) seem unsure how to play their nuances and dynamic. Essentially it all becomes irrelevant because CRISIS takes precedent but being the super-nerd I am, this stuff fascinates me as evidence of them still learning their characters. No way S5 Scully gives up on a plausible theory so easily, even if it makes 8-yos into suspects. If cats can be evil, these staring, soulless kids can be too.

Cue Mark Snow jangles and Cindy and her similar to Teena’s bunny rabbit run away from her terrifying wall dolls and many crucifixes towards the window where she makes terrifying eye contact with Scully’s binoculars before getting grabbed by someone who is considerate enough to announce themselves by turning on the lights?!.

Mulder will take the back! (any time Mulder. Any way ¬¬ ) and sets off with his almost convincingly held gun/torch combo while Scully takes the indoors. This is, invariably, only going to go one way.

DOWN GOES SCULLY!

Sally Kendrick/Eve? leaps through the window where Mulder confronts her by asking her which Eve she is, allowing her a chance to pull a gun, shoot at him and escape and this is why you don’t want S1 Muldo and Sculls handling your home invasion. I mean who holds their gun like this, takes out a psychopath and ends the day without a hole in them?

Fox “Thinks he can outrun a car” Mulder is who.

I love his idiot face though.

Despite the fact that Cindy didn’t struggle/scream/react to her apparent kidnap at all, Scully’s remaining focussed on the adult Eves in support of Mulder’s dismissal of her earlier theory... well I already said it but - *sigh*

After Scully briefs the police and Mulder tries to reassurea distraught Mrs Reardon that her increasingly abnormal daughter will be found we get the kind of side by side, meaningful moment that I am here for all day long. Except that the height difference is so extreme that they never actually get Scully in focus!

And Scully’s “and then what” brings us back to unsettling truth that even if the kid gets found, things aren’t looking good for her given how much murder is in her genes. Poor Mrs Reardon.

Very X-Files, through-the-motel-sign shot and we see Sally Kendrick taking Cindy into motel to meet Teena. The girls look... creepy... and Kendrick looks weirdly and simplistically happy given that she has multiple abductees, severe genetic issues and the FBI on her back. Maybe poor old Sal just wants a normal life? Unlucky girl, this is the X-Files, no happy ending for anyone EVERR. Except possibly a two-faced rapist who likes Cher but that’s for another time.

Back to Sally Kendrick who is rocking a poloneck and showing a remarkable lack of nutritional concern for someone supposedly a genius. Pretty sure 8 cartons of fries are no better for psychotic murder-kids than regular ones. She begins to explain that she was pretty hopeful that she’s evolved the murdering out of her second batch of Eves but turns out she actually made it worse! Let’s pop a check in the box for “playing into popular concerns about genetic testing” and “reasons you shouldn’t do it yourself”. She tells Cindy and Teena she’s “disappointed” that they’ve done murders ahead of the curve. They are not bothered which is unsurprising given they don’t know her/are psychopaths.

Aesthetically this scene is very pleasing and the lack of stilted kid dialogue “we just knew” vs. long sentences definitely adds to tension. As does the total lack of background music. Hearing even these fairly limited actors candidly and remorselessly admit to murder is effective. And Kendrick’s slightly desperate plea that they not think that way, that they be “better” as she designed has the double effect of showing her own Eve-y instability and her very human desire to not have made a horrible mistake in creating this terrifying she-devils.

Sorry Sal.

Genetic destiny’s a bitch

And the X-Files narrative demands that when you play god you get dead. unless you’re the CSM in which case you probably drink digitalis and kale for breakfast to aid skin regrowth. Bye bye Sally Kendrick. Thanks for the creepers.

On attending the crime scene, Mulder and Scully are midway through being told that the scene is undisturbed when they hear stuff breaking. This prompts some X-Files-Action-MagicTM and some truly outrageous faces by Gillian.

Yup

What is most disturbing on rewatching is that with the scene secured, Scully confirms death and Mulder goes to gaze out the window while the Creeper twins cower and cry on the floor. Noe we know they’re guilty AF by this point, but in the narrative DumbScull and MulderingItOver haven’t quite got there because they’ve been too busy gazing at each other so we have two children just whimpering in the corner while Scully pokes a corpse and Mulder mulders about.

Scully does eventually go and pat them. And again I say fuck you CC and anyone else who “didn’t see her as a mother”.

Mulder volunteers to chaperone the creepsters to hospital and beyond and the guy in charge kinda just goes “meh”. Pretty sure some liberties have been taken with child service procedures but hey, at least this means we’re almost at the crescendo moment. Right?

Having loaded them into the car, where their spiffy red outfits match the velour upholstery and promised they’ll talk about “what happens next” (again, is this really FBI jurisdiction? Fox Mulder counselling bereaved kids seems like a HORRIBLE plan to me) , Scully and Mulder note the girls attachment and somehow miss the horrifying expressions of murder on their creepy little faces.

Again though #aesthetic

Cue some spangly night driving music, Mulder looking all pops over a red vinyl steering wheel, Scully playing mom and the creepsters plotting murder in the back. Ver ver X-Files. They pull up to a used car lot masquerading as a rest stop and go for a group wee,Mulder makes the rookie error of a) hyping evil kids with sugar and b) letting them order a murder weapon, and as soon as Scully’s distracted, one of the creepsters, possibly Sinister Cindy creeps out to spike the drinks.

Now at this point, honestly, I’m questioning the kids narrative motives. Yes they’re murderous, but aren’t they also meant to be hyper intelligent? Amd getting marooned at a nowhere rest stop, with the corpses of two FBI agents seems SUPER dumb. Like they’re a bit small and loudly dressed to hitch a ride to Vegas and make it on the strip. What gives, creepsters?

The waitress tries to stop her plan by insisting she wait to take the soda until it’s paid for, but is way too easily placated by the kids excuse. Stick to your guns lady, you might just stop a murder.

Although apparently nobody is paying any attention because THIS ISN’T SUSPICIOUS AT ALL IS IT?

Apparently Mulder doesn’t think so, even knowing digitalis is sweet and that there is something weird afoot, he doesn’t question his super sweet diet drink or the kids totally normal and not at all weirdly resistant to drinking sugar free soda and just does this. Seriously it’s like he wants to die in agony.

Scully’s not much better, simply commenting on the “syrupy” taste. MMhmm. Bitch. You’re a medical doctor with a previously voiced suspicion. Quit sipping the murder juice.

Fortunately, after some suspenseful drawn out paying and a forgotten key excuse, Mulder FINALLY twigs when he finds some green goop on the table. Apparently murderTwin is cackhanded when she pours and Mulder, having licked the poison just to check it’s murdery enough (I just cant even) rushes outside to karate chop Scully’s drink away from her in a way so unsubtle that the creepers escape.

Which is actually great news because it gives us all the chance for a nice dark, X-Files bread and butter cat and mouse around a truckstop, cool lighting and tubey-arty stuff sequence. Which I’m here for.

Despite some pants ruining puddles, the twins are quickly apprehended except for some gun wielding truckers interfere because in this universe regular citizens can hold law enforcement at gunpoint and prevent them doing their job/identifying themselves and anyway everyone almost gets shot and the kids run off again. I should probably insert some pithy political point here about arming the kids too but I’ve been writing this review for 84 years and I don’t have the energy.

Fortunately, at this point Mulder and Scully rediscover some investigative nous and having flashed an ID and truckboy, they trick Sinister and Creepy into thinking they’ve sped off after a school bus. Mulder goes full on child catcher and nabs them with a “gotcha” and is finally deaf to their “we’re just little girls” plea.

I’d like to take a second to flag up his response “that’s the last thing you are” because he’s wrong too. They are little girls, as well as psychopaths, and everyone’s insistence that they must be one thing or another is a device for narrative obfuscation as old as the bible. The appearance of beauty/youth/innocence is not mutually exclusive of the presence of malign intent or evil. Just ask Henry James/Oscar Wilde. Or me. I literally wrote a dissertation on this so. Yeah. They can be little girls and killers Mulder. Don’t be reductive.

But I guess we do need the simplicity of “this kid is evil” otherwise Mrs Reardon ripping her daughter out of a picture and burning it would be more conflicting and we’re only on season 1.

Likewise the disturbing concept of two eight year olds in a secure prison. I mean yes thy’re creepy but - duh duh dunnnnh - rescue is at hand! Eve 8 shows up for them and once again thy “just knew”. This is the kind of X-Files ending I love. This is the kidn of story I would have loved the revivals to pick up. Imagine (recast) grown Cindy and Teena, off doing murdery clone stuff. Yep. Okay. I’m done now. This is the end.

Except the score. Which is...

A solid “C” Grade (26/50)

Plot 6/10 - It’s entertaining and a good idea but I penalised it because it depends on Mulder and Scully being super slow on the uptake. That said, they do actually solve the case.

Mulder 6/10 - Mulder is in charge (thanks S1) and presents a mess of grieving brother, heroic car catcher and good cop. Good, in character stuff but not exceptional.

Scully 4/10 - Scully seems to forget she’d an MD and a badass here. She lets Mulder talk her out of (correct) suspicions, gets taken down in the action scene and generally second fiddles. She’s a cute mom but not the Scully we want to see.

USP 3/5 - This was an ambitious idea, beautifully presented, and while it didn’t quite get the polish to make it iconic it is memorable, creepy and a good representation of S1 bread and butter eps.

Other Characters 5/10 - These points are all for Harriet Harris. None for you creeper twins. None for you.

Bonus points 2/10 - One for being aesthetically pleasing. One for the dorky, cute, feeling out Mulder/Scully moments (motel urnghh) and also their mom and pop act at the rest stop.

That’s all for now folks. I’ll probably have the next one done this decade. Fire. Goodie.

<< 1.10 Fallen Angel ——————————— 1.12 Fire >>

#The X-Files #msr #Eve #txf #txf:1x11 #txf eve #txf s1 #rose reviews #rosereviewstxf #txf recaps #silliness #my gifs #RoseReviewTXF

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michaelasixdjournal · 4 years ago

Text

Show’n’tell wrap up

This post was written right after the show’n’tell wrap up and its length is unfortunate 😬 but it is due to the limited access to a computer during the module (since I didn’t have my own) and it tries to kind of make up for some of it O:) Notes from the show’n’tell: What is the experience like? - a reminder not to focus only on the technical parameters. Sometimes I think I focused a lot on how the prototype processes the input it receives from the sound, and how it expresses it, but I did not think that much about what the experience feels like for the person interacting with it. I think it´s because I did not think about any particular user (which turned out to be easier than I thought). Or maybe because of this, I was actually thinking about me as the "user". When creating the starry night prototype, I set it to react to particular sounds based on what I preferred, which leads me to another note - Why did the prototype react to those particular sounds in those particular ways, except for because I liked it that way? Why did I like it that way? - here I think it might be subjective to a big extent. I haven´t thought of it in the way as why would I want it to be this way. It was the latest prototype, which aimed mostly at showing another way of expressing pretty much the same functionality as the Shape rain did. It was reacting to the specific frequency ranges for different "commands", sometimes also listening closely to the values received and forming the output based on that in more detail. So I think I created really without any justifications, almost for myself. Why I think I liked it that way, was from a big part influenced by what sounds I was able to identify in a reliable way, such as speech (or other sounds hitting the lower frequencies), whistling, "sss" sound, or metal hitting glass. So those became my "tools" and then I just matched them with the functionalities based on what actions I wanted to be triggered easily, on purpose, or by accident. Since speech or sounds that hit the lower frequencies high enough are quite easy to produce and also often happen by accident, I matched them with the sky getting darker. Why I wanted the sky to get dark easily? Maybe that is the question I should be asking. Here probably mostly for demonstrative purposes, but also to make it easier to then see the stars, because stars are pretty O:) so, very subjective I think. The prototype contained a special counter which should then determine the number of the stars that will appear on the dark sky. The goal for it was to work the way that when many loud noises in the correct freq range are made straight away, there will only be a few stars. For it to be more stars on the sky later, one would need to control the volume, speak loud enough for a while, but then lower the volume (still make sounds though, just not so loud) and control it this way, so the counter would always increase a bit, decrease a bit, increase a bit, while the number of stars to-be-created would accumulate. This way, there would be many stars on the sky in the end. I think I wanted this to be some kind of metaphor for being considerate or inconsiderate, and then the stars should have represented some kind of reward, for when we are able to control our behavior. Due to the technical aspect though, it was very hard to make this work for me, it was depending on very nuanced numbers, and also required a steady volume of the background noises, because the range considered as "low" was quite small, since I didn´t want to activate this range by accident, so it must have been higher than the unintentional background sounds, but also lower than an intentional sound of a higher volume. Anyway, since this was quite hard for me to calibrate and the time was pressing, I decided to not have this number of stars differ so much, because I was more focused on being able to get the sky dark or light intentionally in a reliable way, which I used the speech and the whistling for. Here I think I didn´t pay as much attention to my initial intention with the number of stars representing some kind of reward, and depending on the human behavior, because I did not consider it so important, for some reason. I thought it´s kind of like an extra thought I had behind it, which wasn´t very important. The inconsiderate behavior, or the considerate, showing also patience, that might be a better word to use. That this way, basically, with patience, when you would increase and decrease the volume of the sounds you were making/speaking, it would take more time also, get a bit annoying almost, but then you would be rewarded in the end. Maybe this in itself was enough for one sketch, which would only be showing this. It wouldn´t look that exciting maybe, because I would only get it to work once, and then you would need to refresh the page if you would want to try again, but maybe it had an interesting enough reason for it to be so. (because I didn´t manage to delete the stars with the sky getting light, which was a part of the idea also.) Either way, I got this idea towards the end and it was probably too complex to handle in that amount of time. So I wanted it to be just an incomplete example of how the functionalities targeting the specific sounds could be used. And the starry sky was just an example, just to show that it could be something more calm and static than the Shape rain, which was chaotic and hectic. I wanted it to show that the input doesn´t have to mirrored immediately, I wanted it to be more hidden. Again, why? :D I think because I wanted the interaction to be a little bit more mysterious or surprising, have the person interacting try a bit harder, to get more involved, feel more challenged. I think it moved away from the mirroring a lot in the way that (in the original idea with the sky getting darker and lighter gradually) with speaking it would get darker, then at some point dark, and then it would seem to not react anymore. But it would be possible to get it lighter again, but with a conscious and patient effort, which if not made on purpose, would not happen by accident so easily. So it could create an impression that once the sky gets dark, it stays dark. The sky getting lighter then, at some point, could be a surprising moment. I think I wanted it to play a bit with expectations, curiosity and patience. If I had asked myself these questions earlier, it might have been an entire "theme". Expectations and curiosity for example. Or patience, probably not all of them together, cause that is a lot already. But as I said, this was an idea that came very late, and quite complex. It is maybe because for a longer time before, our theme, or kind of my theme in my head, was this character expressing different states/emotions based on the sound input. Being awake, being creative, having a burnout, being worried, scared, excited. There was a lot to experiment with there already probably, but I kind of left this idea behind for two reasons, 1. because I didn´t manage to hook up the beats template with the threshold one (and I had a behavior planned depending on both), 2. because I got more interested in creating environments, not just one very specific character. If I would have decided that the emotions/states is what I want to focus on, then I would find a way how to use other ways for it than beats, but by then I was already more interested in the environments so I moved away from it anyway. It was maybe a really weird time management, because for a long time we were working mostly with the beats. And then quite late we worked a lot with the specific sounds. Sometimes I felt like we are almost working on what would be enough for two pairs of people. I think I tried to be very open to change, new ideas and new ways of using the sound, that I did not stick to almost anything during this process, it was a constant evolution. I perceived it as a more experimental project, which doesn´t necessarily have an "end", end solution, end product, so I did not pay that much attention to something like "it might be too late to change this now" or "this is not of our interest right now". Pretty much everything was of our interest, at least mine :D except for the beats towards the end, that´s when I did not want to explore them any more. But I think we worked on different functionalities and themes in parallel, so then that makes it very hard to sum up in the final show´n´tell also. Because there were things happening in parallel lines. It is not the first time it happened to me I think, but only in these more experimental modules. Also during Prototyping, when we had one project for one week, and we were all involved and interested and we kind of diverged and separated into two subgroups. In a bigger project, as the final one in Prototyping, it did not happen, because I think I was also more aware and concerned about the right timing of the different stages in the process, and I knew that the final product is supposed to be just ONE :D. (but even that one was actually consisting of two pieces, but I think in that case it was not a bad thing). I think that diverging is the part that I am better at, coming up with new ideas, new perspectives, but I don´t always know how to estimate when and how the converging should happen. I think I went from the extreme of getting attached to my very first idea and wanting to continue with that one till the very end, to the other extreme, of abandoning all the ideas that don´t excite me anymore and coming up with new ones and constantly evolving. Hopefully the next stage will be some balance in-between the two. I am wondering though, what should have been done in this case. I don´t think that it went badly at all, but I think there was way more effort put into some parts than maybe necessary, and also more energy put into it than what could have been seen from the final show´n´tell. I would say it did harm it a bit, because it was too much, which also makes it more chaotic. It seemed like a really good transition though, from the single character states/emotions to the environments. I don´t think that that was a bad call. But maybe changing this, AND at the same time changing the input that we have been working with (from beats to freq ranges), was too much. I think I could have made the starry sky work more or less as I originally intended using the functionality of the beats, bpm and such. I think that it really was the functionality at many instances that was the "driving force" for the next decision, not an idea for the interaction, some kind of theme. Using the different freq ranges became our theme kind of, we thought, but that is more about the functionality also. But I know Jens mentioned that maybe whistling alone could have been interesting, for some other group, but then that would also be driven by the technical aspects almost. So I am not sure from which angle we should have grasped it. I said during the process at some time that "I am not getting any ideas, and when I am not getting any ideas I am probably not understanding something." but I think it was actually "... any ideas, I am probably not having enough constraints." The inputs could have been different, a theme could have been picked there - materials for example, wood, glass, etc.. or whistling etc... (on this dependent maybe the characteristic of the sound chosen, frequency ranges for example) The way it is processed was unlimited - constantly mirroring, counting certain "events", reaching a state, relations between the order of the states reached, on and off behavior, influencing appearance/aesthetics, irreversible outcomes, reversible outcomes by specific actions.... The outputs could have been anything - single object, environment, multiple, object interacting with its environment, elements between each other... The themes could have been anything - expressing emotions based on what the different sounds make us feel like, or without a link but expressing emotions, creating a personality, exploring the theme of patience, expectations, control, lack of control, silence, fear, anything.... It makes a lot more sense now, having it written down this way. I think we tried several of the options, from all the categories. Different inputs (materials, beats, human body sounds, speech almost), the behavior (mirroring, reaching a state, reversible and irreversible, specifying properties of objects, ...), outputs (single object, environments with objects...), themes (emotions, personality, states of being, expectations, patience, reward, ...). I think I learned a LOT, but also I would need more hours in a day if I would want to continue working this way :D. Also it is not the most fruitful, would definitely benefit from a clearer direction. I don´t know why it´s almost always easier to see it all in retrospect. I think I was way too caught up in the code and the technical aspect. Also maybe because the code we worked with was way more advanced than what I would have made myself, so it took me some extra time to understand what Christian had coded and then I was way too much in the code I think. I had ideas still, but we didn´t have a clear theme, maybe because we were always trying something new.

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plotlinehotline · 8 years ago

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Wondering, how do you get away from over planning? At some point I got trapped in this never ending cycle where everything is so over planned I feel like I am hitting brick walls at every turn! How do I stop? How do I fix it and keep my story line?

Overplanning Your Novel

I got stuck in a rut like that myself last year. See, my problem has always been that I didn’t plan enough, and I’d get halfway through my draft and have no idea where I was going. So I started planning, and I kept planning, and planning, terrified that if I didn’t have a solid plan before I started writing, I would wind up in the same boat I was before. But it was getting more difficult to visualize the complete story with nothing but detailed scene notes and fantasies of what crucial plot points would look like. I was lamenting my frustrations to a writing friend one day, and she offered me a wise suggestion. Why don’t you just start writing it anyway?

This can be overwhelming advice. Especially when we writers have a penchant for ignoring one of the most crucial parts of the outline - the beginning. Where does the story start? What is my character doing? Is the villain already after her, and if so, how do I show that? How much do I explain? How can I “start writing,” if I don’t even know how or where to start?

Not to mention, that first scene in some ways is supporting the entire story. Because without a good first scene, the rest doesn’t really matter. That first scene leaves an impression, and it’s often the reason some readers stop or continue a book.

I don’t say all this to put extra pressure on anyone. I’m just saying that we’ve all been there with that first scene, and it can often stop us from ever moving forward.

So when she told me I should just start writing anyway, I looked at my outline. And yes, it had holes, and yes the climax was kind of fuzzy, and hell yes the backstory wasn’t completely clear. But when I read through what I had, I realized I actually did have several consecutive scenes that made up a fairly big chunk of the novel. I may not have known exactly what led to this chunk of scenes, or even what came after, but I estimated that I probably had a month’s worth of writing material to keep me occupied.

I picked a scene in the middle of my outline, and I wrote it. When that scene was finished, I continued to the next scene, and so on. If I had no idea what the next scene would be, or if I was simply frustrated with it, I’d consult my outline, find a new scene, and jump to it.

That’s the beauty of having any kind of outline - you no longer have to write in order. The outline helps your brain understand approximately where these scenes will go in the finished product, and, when applicable, what scenes will come in between two scenes that you’re currently writing.

And somehow it kind of worked, which surprised me. I spent the entirety of NaNoWriMo writing random scenes from my novel, completely out of order, and those written scenes acted like magical story cement, filling in many of the cracks and holes in my plot. The backstory tightened up to accommodate plot twists I hadn’t planned until I was writing them, and as I spent more time with the characters, my excitement for the climax grew, and I felt more invested in working it out. And most importantly, that opening scene started to become clearer.

In conclusion…

After that self indulgent speech, let me bring it all together for you. Planning is great. Planning helps our project grow and evolve. It helps us understand where it’s going and why we’re writing it. Without a good plan in place, our writing can be aimless and wandering, and the story might never reach a logical and cohesive conclusion. And yet..

Writing is also great. Writing helps our project grow and evolve. It helps us understand where it’s going and why we’re writing it. Without writing, our plan is just a plan, and it will never become a story.

If you’re concerned that you’re over planning, stop yourself. Right now. Look at what you have. Count how many detailed scenes you have figured out, and then estimate how long it might take you to write them all. A week? A month? Two months? Give yourself a deadline, and then work on writing those scenes before your deadline. I promise you, you will end up with at least one scene that wasn’t in the outline. And sometimes one scene is enough to completely change your thinking and affect the way you move forward with your planning.

And of course, once you hit that deadline, take a moment to refresh. Update your outline, tidy it up, delete scenes, add scenes, and then go from there. Hopefully the time you spent writing will leave you in a much more optimistic place than you are right now.

Good luck!

-Rebekah

For some more insight, I highly recommend @theticklishpear‘s post on World-Builder’s Syndrome….and really any other post you find in their series archive.

#ask r #lutz0660 #planning #outlining #overplanning #world-building #planning the story

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mylittledragonhoard · 8 years ago

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Fic: A Growing Trust - Chapter 3: An Accidental Solution

Semi prequel to A Sign of Trust.

AO3 Link

The staff's final and desperate attempt to get the mer to eat has failed, and now he's fading faster than before. All hope is lost.

...Or is it?

The screeching and growling coming from the observation tank as Oin and his volunteer helpers attempted an act of desperation had passed the level of unbearable the moment it had started.

Thorin stood in the doorway of the staff room to use his large form to block the way in case it was necessary. He glanced back at the table where both Tauriel and Kili sat, Kili's hands covering his ears as he literally huddled in his chair. It was hard seeing him look so small and forlorn and being helpless to stop it. Kili had always had such a large presence with an even bigger grin and an infectious laugh that made you join in no matter how you felt. Sure, things got to him, but he always bounded back rather quickly.

But this…this was horrible.

He was quiet and withdrawn and still. It didn't look like Kili was about to get up and go see what was happening any time soon, and Thorin was relieved that the young man hadn’t fought more to help. He never would have been able to handle being in the thick of things.

Tauriel had come in earlier specifically to be there for Kili and was leaning against him in support, wincing every time the noises grew higher in pitch. She had barely looked awake when she’d arrived, but she’d given Kili a grin and then pulled him into the staff room demanding that he make her coffee.

Thorin sighed and leaned back against the door frame and closed his tired eyes to rest for a moment. Considering how the day had ended on such a high note the day before, this was a major blow to the staff's morale.

The morning had started bad before it had even truly begun. Thorin had gotten an emergency call at 3 a.m. from Nori who was on the night rotation for the week. There were always two employees on during the night, though for the last little while Kili and Oin technically made four. The mer had taken a turn for the worse and Thorin had been ordered by his employee to get his ass to the aquarium so he could talk down a hysterical Kili.

The regularly half hour drive took him fifteen minutes and he could barely remember getting into his truck. He was thankful that it had been too early for any traffic and he hadn't been stopped by any law enforcement.

Nori had exaggerated a little since Kili wasn't hysterical when he arrived, but the young man was barely keeping it together all the same. It turned out that the mer - Fili now - had started to have difficulty breathing during the night and Oin had been worried that his internal organs were beginning to shut down. They all felt it was a miracle he'd lasted as long as he had without food, though they only had an estimate of how long that had been based on his malnourished condition upon being brought in.

When the episode seemed to finally pass, Oin made the executive decision as the facility's veterinarian that they'd try to force some food and medication into the mer. It wasn't an easy choice to make because it put extra stress on any creature, but they had run out of options and it would only be a matter of time before it would be too late to do anything at all.

Thorin had seen how torn Kili was with the decision, but the brunet had kept quiet. That had lasted until Oin had ordered him to stay in the staff room while they did the feeding. Kili had predictably objected, wanting to help.

"You'll be seen as the bad guy." Oin had argued. "He'll never trust you if you aid in helping us. You've read all the books, Kili. Mermaids are similar to crows in the way that they remember faces and hold grudges against those who they believe have wronged them." As a vet Oin was used to being the bad guy.

Realizing that Oin was right, Kili had backed down, but he hadn't been happy about it.

At 5 a.m. when the other staff began to arrive, Oin had begun to get everything ready. Ori had assisted with getting a mixture of food, medication, and electrolytes ready while Dwalin and Nori worked on figuring out how to use the harness and the best way to restrain the mer. They'd never had to force feed before let alone force feed something with arms like a human that could reach out and injure them. They had to find the safest way for all involved.

Thorin was elected to stay with Kili, both for support and to make sure he actually stayed away. Oin wasn't sure how much of a fight the mer would put up, but they were all well acquainted with his noises of protest. The vet didn't want the noises drawing Kili out and into view.

They'd been listening to those noises for about an hour now, and Thorin was sure that Fili was living up to his name and fighting them with everything he had left.

Just when it felt like something was about to snap, there was a sudden splash and the silence that followed seemed almost louder than the noises they'd been hearing.

Kili looked up and both he and Tauriel turned to look at Thorin at the same time. Their anxiety was almost palpable, but before Thorin had the chance to reassure them that everything was probably fine, Ori appeared at the end of the hall, dripping water and red in the face.

"Oin asks you to meet him in the medical ward in a few minutes." The young man made an unhappy face, "I have to change. Kili's mermaid doesn't like me."

"What happened?" Kili asked upon hearing his name, his chair making a scraping sound as he quickly pushed away from the table and came to the door. He noticed that Ori was soaking.

"A lot of splashing, even more growling, he almost bit Dwalin and Oin. I got pulled in and fished out." Ori shrugged before motioning back toward the medical ward. "If you want more details than that, best ask Oin."

Kili wasted no time and disappeared down the hall before Ori had even finished speaking.

"Thank you, Ori." Thorin said for the overeager brunet, "And I'm sure Kili's thankful too."

Ori gave Thorin a smile, not put off by Kili’s rushed behaviour at all, "Oh, I know he is. But he hasn't been able to focus on anything else but his mermaid. I get it." Truth be told, he got like that with his penguins.

By the time Thorin stepped into the ward, a wet Oin was already there attempting to dry his hair with a towel. Both Kili and Tauriel were standing by the observation window, staring inside at the mer who looked very displeased at the whole ordeal.

Somehow, Fili had managed to make himself look smaller than normal as he huddled against the far wall across from the window. His eyes were wide and held a desperately wild look in them. Even from where he stood Thorin could see that thin and pale chest heave from the exertion and fear he’d just been subjected to. He refused to look toward the window as he pressed his body into the corner of the tank, but any sudden moment, like Tauriel moving an arm to squeeze Kili’s shoulder, his lips would draw away from those sharp teeth in an angry snarl.

"We managed to get him to swallow a little of the food before he destroyed the apparatus Dwalin and Nori constructed, and as you can see, he is not a happy camper right now." Oin stepped up to the window, and it was impossible to miss the mer turn and fix an icy glare on the vet and suddenly bare sharp teeth.

"Can't blame him." Kili admitted, and Thorin silently agreed.

"I'm actually surprised by the strength he still possesses, which is a good sign." Oin explained once he'd finished drying his salt and pepper hair. It stuck up rather wildly now, but the man didn't seem to care or even notice. "I'm hoping we bought him a little more time before we find something he'll eat because I don't think we'll be able to do that again. It's too stressful for him." The veterinarian frowned then, "At this point I'll just be happy to have anything edible in his system."

"Like what?" Kili half turned to look at the vet. "We've practically tried everything in the entire ocean that we've been able to get our hands on." He looked back at the glaring mermaid. Those blue eyes, reflecting the sun from above the water, were shifting between everyone at the window, and the mer was growing more agitated by the minute.

Thorin stepped back so he was no longer in view, and Oin did the same. Tauriel nudged Kili and they both turned around so that the creature didn't feel intimidated by the attention.

"Perhaps we should be looking at other options than what the ocean has to offer us." Oin mused, "Obviously we've gotten nowhere so far. We're desperate now." He stepped over to his desk and picked up a few pages he'd printed earlier, "There are a few I thought we should try." He handed them each a page.

Thorin looked down at the list of fish and crustaceans. Most were freshwater but some were adaptable. "And you want to try a live feed, I'm assuming." He was a little apprehensive about those with claws.

"Dead fish don't appeal to him at all, which tells us something about mermaids or about this one in general."

"What's that?" Kili, always eager to learn more about the species, asked immediately.

"Either they aren't scavengers like some researchers believe, or Fili is just a picky eater."

Tauriel snorted at that. "He's already picked up one of Kili's bad habits. What's next?" She teased which helped to lighten the atmosphere a little more.

Kili elbowed her in retaliation, "I'm not even that picky." He scoffed before looking down at the list, biting hi lip before finally asking, "Can I go out and get some of these then? I'll pay for them myself. I know we already picked up our food supply for the week.” He looked at Thorin.

"You and I will go." Thorin wasn't about to let Kili do that no matter how responsible the young man felt.

"Like right now?" Kili asked, hopeful and practically bouncing on his feet now that they had something else to try, something that might finally work.

Seeing that hope back was refreshing, and Thorin couldn’t help but smile. "Let me just grab my keys."

***

Over the next three days they tried every creature on the list that they could get their hands on. Some of the creatures were hard to come by and the staff had to reach out to new suppliers for their requests. Having run the aquarium for so long, Thorin had made a lot of connections within the community, and he was always happy to make some more.

And over the next three days every fish and crustacean was rejected again and again as the mer continued his refusal to eat, not even acknowledging them.

When the blackness of his tail began to fade to a sickly grey, it looked like even Kili was finally losing hope.

***

Red rimmed eyes that reflected green from the sun glinting off the surface of the water stared into the depths silently. Kili didn't know how long he'd been sitting on the observation platform above the mer's tank, but it had been long enough for his frustrated tears to abate and dry. He was too exhausted and drained to think anymore, mind almost blissfully numb. He probably would have been a little thankful for the reprieve if he had been capable of feeling anything in that moment besides desolation and despair.

He was getting rather used to disappointing mornings recently, but walking in half way through Oin's conversation about marine body transportation and disposal to someone over the phone had been devastating.

He'd fled the room before the vet could say anything, not that there was anything left to say. Oin had been trying just as hard as Kili had been to get the mer to eat, but despite it all, their efforts had failed.

Kili needed to accept the fact that he couldn't save everyone, but it was a hard fact to swallow. This mermaid was the first Kili had come in contact with, and he was intelligent and hurt, and he deserved a chance at survival.

Kili sniffled and shifted a little, his ass having grown numb from sitting on the cement for so long. He swallowed around the lump that was perpetually caught in his throat these days before remembering the water bottle he’d brought with him this time. It was packed away in a backpack he’d brought to work with him that morning, stuffed with a few things from home. Some clean clothes, another uniform, some food he'd packed because Thorin was demanding he eat, some toiletries, and a few more books he'd come across. It didn't look like he'd need to spend another night at the aquarium for a while though.

That thought brought on a fresh wave of tears even though Kili had been sure he hadn't had anymore to shed. He grabbed the bottle from where it sat on top of everything, but when he pulled, it caught a part of the strap of the bag, toppling everything over. "Shit." He reached for the bag so it didn't drop down into the tank and get soaked, managing to save everything except for a container that slipped out of his lunch bag.

The clear plastic bounced against his foot where his legs dangled over the edge of the platform. The lid separated from the container on impact, spewing green grapes everywhere. They floated along the top being less dense than the salt water, but the container sank as it filled with water. He'd have to get it once the tank was empty if it didn't float back up on its own.

Forgetting about the bottle, Kili sighed as he pushed his bag back. "We've only wanted to help you, you know." He murmured to the water, not even sure if the mer beneath could hear him or even understand him. It had seemed like he had the first day, but now Kili wasn't so sure. The mer hadn't reacted to him any other time and he'd sat in this very spot for days talking to him.

"You must think humans are monsters if you think dying is the better option." The brunet continued, closing his eyes against the burn growing within them. "We're not. At least, not all of us are. You seem to have run into some of the worst." He frowned, wishing he knew what the mer had been through. They could only speculate but they'd never know for sure.

"We don’t keep you guys here if you can be released. None of you are pets or things to be used. We help you heal and get better, and then we release anyone who can be back into the wild. You all deserve to be home where you belong.” He breathed out slowly. “There are some that stay because they wouldn’t survive in the wild, but they’re taken care of here and they’re kept safe and happy. Oin thinks you’d end up staying, and I know it wouldn't have been life in the ocean, but we would have tried to make it the best life you could have had."

He sniffled again. “Lady would like you." That managed to cause a half smile to grow across Kili's face. "You both have an attitude." Despite his best effort, a tear trickled from the corner of his eye and he wiped it away with his hand.

The tears wouldn't stop and Kili had to bite his lip to keep a desperate sob inside. He was so focused on muffling his pitiful noises that he didn't notice the shape slowly coming to the surface and the slow movement of water.

Something smacked him in the stomach, his eyes flying open in surprise only to look down in confusion. "What?"

The plastic container that had fallen into the water was sitting in his lap.

He raised his head only to find a pair of tired grey eyes staring at him from the middle of the tank, and Kili remember with a pang of sadness the vivid blue from before. The mer was submerged from the nose down, but this was the most he'd surfaced on his own the entire time he'd been there.

Kili quickly wiped away his tears as he picked up the container and held it up. "What?" He croaked at the creature, "All it took was littering to get you to respond?" He frowned as he set the container aside, "Are you going to throw the grapes at me too?" He wondered even as his eyes scanned the surface for the little green circles that had been bobbing in the water.

But he couldn't see any.

"What the hell?" Kili was confused for a long moment before a thought startled him and he focused on the mer again, "Did you-" He cut himself off because it seemed like an utterly ridiculous idea. Mermaids were carnivores. They had the teeth and claws for catching and tearing into tough skin or thick blubber. "No." He shook his head in denial, but even as he said it, his heart gave a hopeful leap inside his chest. "Did you eat these?" His voice was quivering as he asked, a new set of tears gathering in his eyes, but from a very different emotion than before.

Of course the mermaid - Fili - didn't answer, simply tilted his head, eyes flicking between Kili's face and the empty container he held in his hand.

"No." Kili insisted again. It couldn't have been that easy, could it? "Grapes must sink." He wasn't sure if he was explaining to the mermaid or attempting to convince himself.

But Kili wasn't stupid and had passed all of his science classes with top marks for his degree. He knew they hadn't sunk.

The brunet gripped the container and scrambled to his feet. His mind was telling him the truth, but his heart refused to believe it until he saw proof. There had just been too many moments of hope that had been crushed regarding this mermaid, and he needed to see the truth for himself.

Without a word to the mer, Kili turned and raced to the stairs that would take him below to the main level of the building. He barely touched the stairs as he flew down them, and he had to brace his hands out to stop himself from smashing into the large observation window looking into the mer's tank.

His original intention fled his mind as his eyes widened in awe at the sight before him.

Fili was still at the surface, giving Kili the first good look at him within his element. The tank was less than six feet deep and maybe twenty feet on all sides, so the long six foot tail had enough room to completely stretch out from his torso length wise, but it dipped down so that the fluke was hovering just a hair's width from the bottom of the tank. His injuries were pale and stood out against the greying scales, the gold trim having dulled to a sick yellow. Kili could still see the black stitches that Oin had painstakingly made where the fins had been severed, a little surprised that the creature hadn't torn them out with his recent struggle while being force fed.

His ribs were protruding and his skin looked shockingly white with the reflection of the sun above. With the angle, Kili could just make out wisps of that once golden hair. Like the rest of him, it had dulled significantly too.

Kili squeezed the container still in his hand as he remembered why he'd rushed down here, and he searched the water almost frantically.

There were no grapes anywhere to be seen.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me." The breath whooshed out of him as he realized what this meant. Fili had eaten them.

He'd eaten them!

Relief and joy bubbled up inside Kili, spilling out his eyes in the form of tears and from his throat in the form of laughter.

The sound echoed around the quiet ward and Kili had to sit down before his legs gave out on him. When he looked back up through the window, he realized his laughter had drawn the mer's attention and Fili was looking at him curiously.

"You ate them." Kili didn't know why he had to say it out loud, but it brought another wave of relief and a grin so wide it hurt his face, "You're probably still hungry since you haven't curled up and gone back to sleep, aren’t you?" He got up again at the thought, knowing Thorin had started keeping food in the staff room as an incentive for Kili to eat. Kili was sure he’d noticed fruits and vegetables among the options and with any luck there would be grapes. They were due a little bit of luck by now, weren’t they? "I'll be right back!" He promised before leaving the lab as quickly as he could. He couldn't run down here since there were sharp turns.

He found Oin and Thorin sitting at the table in the staff room. They both looked glum and utterly miserable as they sat in silence, though both men grew a little wary when they looked up to see Kili panting with eyes bright and wet with tears. They probably thought he'd come to tell them that the mer was gone.

Instead, he spotted the innocent green fruit sitting in a glass bowl in front of Thorin. The man had been picking at them, but luckily he hadn't eaten them all. "I need these." Kili gasped out as he crossed the room and grabbed the bowl, heart pounding so loudly in his chest that they must have been able to hear it too.

Before Thorin could respond, Kili turned to Oin, "I don't think you'll need anyone to pick up a body anymore." His face broke into a giant grin again even as he turned to leave and go back to the tank. He probably looked like a lunatic.

"Kili, what the hell?" Thorin's exclamation caused him to stop in the doorway.

Kili only laughed, excited beyond belief, "Apparently mermaids like grapes." He offered, "Come to the tank and you'll see! But come from the east side so he won't see you. I don’t want to chance scaring him away with too many people watching him.” With that said, Kili continued on his way.

Fili wasn't at the surface when he returned, but the brunet refused to feel apprehensive about it right away. He plunked himself down in his usual spot and tore a grape from the bunch he'd taken. It made a hollow plunking sound when it hit the water and disappeared beneath for a moment. The green sphere only bobbed once before pale fingers wrapped around it from below and it disappeared for good.

Kili felt like getting up and dancing, but he didn't want to startle the mer.

A head surfaced, still only visible from the eyes and up.

"You really like these, don't you?" Kili spoke, grinning at the creature. He was giddy - the mer was actually interacting with him! "Here you go." He tossed another one into the tank.

It landed a few feet away so the mer had to move a little to grab it, but he did and the grape disappeared beneath the surface and into his mouth. Kili didn't want to make him move and expel energy he desperately needed, so he tried tossing them closer without hitting the mer.

Thorin and Oin appeared just as Kili threw the third grape. He was going to stop soon, not wanting to overfeed the starving creature and make him sick. He tossed one more so that the older men could see that the mer was eating them on his own before setting the bowl aside.

Fili made an unhappy noise, low pitched and close to a growl. It was a little odd to hear something besides the usual screeching or snarling.

"You can have more in a while. You'll get sick if you eat too much." Kili promised, wanting to give him more but knowing it wasn't a good idea. "Just be patient, okay?"

Those eyes narrowed a little, and Kili could easily read the annoyance in them. Instead of making another noise, Fili completely disappeared beneath the surface and didn't surface again. The brunet wasn't worried, assuming that he'd come back when given more food.

His eyes flicked up at the stunned expressions on Thorin's and Oin's faces. "I told you." He didn't care that he sounded proud; he was proud the mermaid had finally eaten something.

"You did." Thorin managed as both he and Oin looked at each other. They spoke between themselves for a few moments before Oin turned and disappeared, most likely to his lab. Thorin walked over to Kili's side of the tank.

Kili had just stood up again when he found himself being pulled into a tight hug. He hadn't even realized how badly he was shaking until he was pressed into Thorin's solid and stable embrace. "Does this mean he's going to survive?" Kili's words were muffled in Thorin's shoulder, but the man heard him clearly.

"He has more of a chance now than he had before." Thorin's chuckle vibrated against Kili's chest, and it had been so long since anyone had laughed around here that the sound of it made Kili's eyes burn again. He ducked his head so that Thorin's shirt would soak up any tears. A hand gently rubbed up across his shoulders, "And it's because you refused to give up on him. You saved him, be proud of that because I sure as hell am."

Kili sniffled without meaning to and suddenly the tears wouldn't stop. It was embarrassing, especially when he felt Thorin's arms tighten as the man realized what was happening. At least it was only Thorin; the man had caught Kili in more embarrassing situations than this. "I don't know why I keep crying." Kili mumbled. He wasn’t usually a crier, so today was a new record.

"Because you're run down. You've barely slept and barely eaten. You've been stressed and worried for the past week and a half, and now all this relief is probably shocking your system a little. I'm surprised you're not more of a blubbering mess." Thorin admitted but he sounded more amused than anything. Amused and a little teary eyed himself.

And sure enough, when Kili pulled away to look Thorin had tears in his eye too. Kili chuckled and wiped his own face, “One of us needs to be stable here, Thor.”

“I think we’re both due for a little emotional release after everything.” Thorin concluded as he looked Kili over properly.

Kili felt like a mess but didn't try to hide it. Thorin didn't look all that better after all. He looked like he’d aged ten years alone was and more haggard than Kili had ever seen him. The man wasn't vain but had always kept up with his appearance, and right now his beard was in desperate need of attention before it went rogue and completely took over his face.

"You look like you’re about to crash, so I’m ordering you to take a blood nap, but I think it can wait until we get back." His boss decided as if Kili had been about to turn in now of all times.

Kili's brow furrowed in confusion as he actually registered what Thorin had just said, "Back from where?" Exhausted or not, there was no way he was leaving now that Fili had finally started to eat something. Once they were sure he could handle the grapes, he could have more.

"The closest grocery store that sells grapes, apparently." Thorin smiled, and his eyes twinkled in a way Kili had never seen them shine before, and it dawned on the brunet just how worried the older man had been. This was joyful relief that Thorin was showing.

"He can't just live off grapes though." Kili pointed out, brows crinkling in worry once more. "He's supposed to be a carnivore."

"No, he can't but it's a start." A large hand reached out and patted Kili's shoulder. "Oin says he's going to try injecting vitamins and protein into them to see if that helps." Thorin said as he turned to head toward the parking lot. That must have been what he and Oin had been talking about only moments ago. "Start with grapes for now since he seems to like them; then you try something else. Who says they can't eat both? It's never been well documented since they all stop eating when captive."

Thorin had a point. Kili had read so many books about mermaids, but none had ever truly documented their diet. Because the species lived so deep in the ocean, their eating habits had never truly been observed. Their diet had mostly been based off of what kind of fish they’d gotten caught with in fishing nets and what species had been found within the stomachs of those that didn’t survive. Fili would be the first documented case of any mer eating in captivity, and - fingers crossed - the first to survive.

The panic that came when reality suddenly caught up with Kili caught him off guard. "Thor." He practically froze as they reached Thorin's truck, eyes wide and mouth dry. "We have a fucking mermaid." Nobody had been able to keep a mermaid alive, and now it was suddenly Kili’s responsibility to keep this one that way. The thought was terrifying, intimidating, and exciting all at the same time.

Thorin threw his head back and laughed at the rather ridiculous observation. He clapped Kili on the back, not seeing the expression on his face, "I'm glad you've caught up with the rest of us. Now get in before you start telling me that water is wet and the sky is blue. And you're going to get some god damned sleep when we get back, you're beginning to slip."

Kili's heart lurched in his chest, "No, Thor, you don't understand." He felt too many emotions to just pick one, but his tone sounded terrified, "You gave me this responsibility. What if I mess up? What if he ends up dying anyway? I mean, the grapes were completely accidental! I have no idea what I'm doing."

Thorin frowned as he leaned against the truck door, seeing that Kili was serious. "You're not going to mess up." He promised but it didn't make Kili feel better, "All that anyone can ask is that you try your best, and everyone knows you will." Thorin reassured with a slight grin, "and you'll still have the rest of the staff to help you. We're not just going to throw you to the sharks. Or mers in this case. You'll be fine."

The brunet managed to take a deep breath and it calmed him a little so that he could at least think straight. Thorin was right, of course. He usually was about work related things. He practically had a lifetime of experience to draw wisdom from, and Kili appreciated his willingness to share.

"Besides," The older man began as he moved around to his side of the truck to get in, "you're the only one that's gotten more of a reaction out of him than snarling and screeching."

"I think you've forgotten he bit me." Kili needlessly reminded the man, holding up his arm even as he opened the truck door and got in. The mer had left perfect teeth marks on the inside and outside of Kili's forearm. They were scabbed over now and healing nicely, but they had been deep and would definitely scar.

Thorin smirked as he got in the driver's seat and started the motor. If he chuckled - which Kili was ninety percent sure he had - it was lost underneath the roar of the truck. "That's what you get when you practically shove your arm into a mouth full of sharp teeth. You're lucky he didn't take off part of your arm."

Kili was well aware of that, but he didn't think it was luck that had kept him from acquiring more of an injury. Luck was all about chance. The mer was intelligent, and in spite of his panic had made the choice not to do more damage.

"Stop worrying about it." Thorin's amused tone brought him out of his thoughts, and he looked over at the man. He was grinning, and Kili really couldn't help but return it with his own. "You honestly care about his wellbeing. I trust you above anyone else when it comes to this mermaid." His boss shifted in his seat before grabbing the gear shift and moving it into reverse so they could leave. "Now let's go so we can come back. Fili will probably want more food soon."

Kili nodded, beaming upon hearing the name of the mer being said by someone. He'd been thinking of it, but he hadn't said it much out loud. Now it looked like they'd be using it quite regularly, and it was the best feeling at that moment. "You're the one behind the wheel, Grandpa. I could have been half way to a store by now." Kili huffed out a breath as he leaned back against the seat, buckling himself in.

It was comfortable and even calming to fall back into the familiar banter.

Thorin's eyes widened and he snorted loudly, "Grandpa?!" He sputtered for a moment as he gripped the wheel, "You youth today have no respect!" Even as he said it, there was a happy gleam in his eye.

And as they headed toward a store to buy grapes of all things, a feeling settled over Kili, and he felt something within him relax for the first time in a long time. Fili eating was a major step, and only the beginning of what Kili was sure would be a bumpy road, but even so, it felt like everything would be alright.

#my writing #loving the sea series

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morethanonepage · 8 years ago

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2016 Fic Writing Round-up

I was tagged by @kittyaugust! I always love doing these, thanks so much for giving me the chance to!

Total 2016 Word Count: 61,508 Total 2016 Hits: (AO3 only) 21,573 Other 2016 AO3 Stats:

Total 2015 Word Count: 33,490 Total 2015 Hits: (AO3 only) 11,772 Other 2015 AO3 Stats:

lmao that’s what’s called going from a david fandom (Constantine) to a goliath (Star Wars). But still, Jesus Christ, that differential: I literally more than doubled kudos and hits!

More detailed stats:

And since I had all those numbers anyway:

And just for fun:

It always feels like I write WAY too much porn but....the numbers do not actually reflect that. It’s not even a majority of what I posted this year!

For fun I also did comment rate (how many comments per kudos a fic got), response rate and comment rate by word count (I was curious if my longer fics were better/worse received -- there doesn’t seem to be any correlation though), and then average comment and response rates depending on rating, which actually seems to indicate my gen and teen fics are better received than my porn.

*Obviously my kudos/hits ratio doesn’t account for repeated readings, which you can’t kudo for -- everything here’s just a rough estimate. But conventional fanfic writer wisdom (that I’ve noticed) is that a 10% response rate is what to aim for -- higher than that is always phenomenal.

Links and titles to 2016 works

Star Wars -- The Force Awakens/Shattered Empire

save an x-wing, ride an ex-stormtrooper (1745 words) -- Finn/Poe smut to start off the New Year! I started this on January 3 and posted it on January 4. That’s phenomenal for me. Unprecedented, honestly. I think this is the most popular Finn/Poe fic I’ve written, not that I’ve written that many, relatively. Mostly I just wanted to use the title and was afraid someone else was going to scoop it. Response rate (kudos/hits * 100, which is to say, how many people who read it deemed it worth a kudos): 9.7%*

If the Refresher’s a-Rockin'… (2046 words) -- More Finn/Poe porn, just trying to get it out of my system at that point I guess. I do like some of the Finn stuff I snuck in there at the end, about stormtrooper training & what it prepared him for. This one wasn’t as popular (hit wise_ as the other, but it had a higher response rate (11%), so that’s something. Four day turn around time.

going, going, gone (2700 words) -- Ahhhhh my infamous Poe & Kylo Ren fic. I got a lot of Poe/Kylo shippers reading that which is....the opposite of what I wanted. It was 100% more meant to be about Poe and his ability to forgive and find decency in people than about Kylo Ren actually having any left but uh....people still wanted a sequel. I was very diplomatic about the possibilities of that but real talk: no. Especially not with the current state of TFA fandom. An unsurprisingly high response rate at 13.5%.

bleed and fight for you (make it right for you) (2938 words) -- Some Shara/Kes stuff, which I was super excited about but wouldn’t have written as quickly (in five days) if not for the fact that someone one the kinkmeme was a brat about the prompter of this asking for Shara & Kes related stuff. My You know what???!!! spite writing was p fast at the beginning of the year -- now I’m just tired. Response rate at 13.1%, which is nice.

Seisin (2375) -- More Shara/Kes stuff, with my Yavin IV love creeping in. Mostly written because Snow Patrol’s “The Finish Line” came up on shuffle and I was like dang, that’s such a post-war Shara/Kes on Yavin IV song, so then I wrote the image that came into my head. I legit wrote it all in one day and posted it write away, it seems. Response rate: 13%.

not what ships are built for (4401) -- Oooof, my eternal shame, a WIP. Finn/Poe, I felt so confident going in that I had enough of a grasp on it that I could actually finish it according to a timeline, but then it turned out -- I could not. I liked the idea I had for it, alternating POV fics are always fun to work through, an interesting way to keep in practice with both characters and get a good idea of everyone’s personality and everything. Maybe one day I’ll get back to it; it’s another one of those things I should’ve outlined ON (digital) PAPER and not just in my head, because now I’m not sure where I wanted to go with it anymore. If I give it another read through maybe I’ll figure it out? Response rate: 10.2%.

and so it goes (11401) -- Yessssss the Id Fic. Meant to be the fluffiest sweetest first love nonsense imaginable, to counteract a lot of fandom trends and also make up for all the gooey Kylux stuff (which: lbr, I read too). I JUST WANT FINN AND POE TO BE HAPPY. Also featuring Kes Dameron Is A Good Dad, my favorite trope. Anyway I was really surprisingly happy with this fic, which is rare. Response rate: 10.2%

K-I-S-S-I-N-G (2530) -- I saw an Imagine Your OTP type thing about tree climbing trees and it was so cute that it struck me instantly as an Id Fic moment to explore. So there we are. Writing this fic made it kind of a series so now they’re the Teenage Dreams universe. Response rate: 12.3%.

a strong enough foundation (21274) -- This was informally called the Travelogue Fic for the longest time, because so much of it is about (my conception of) Yavin IV. It’s also a fic that’s incredibly personal to me, at least w/r/t the imagery and the reactions to a lot of the Typical Yavin IV Things. It’s also 21K words of gen, so I get why it’s got the lowest response rate of anything I wrote this year (7%) but I still feel like...it was good for me to write.

(do it on my) twin bed (3514) -- Another Finn/Poe fic originally from the kinkmeme, which I finally brought to my AO3 at the end of 2016 to have something nice and fluffy to end the year on. It’s also got a lot of Yavin IV/Poe’s childhood details going on, because I love that shit. Response rate: 13.8%.

Constantine

culpability (3493 words) -- John/Chas. I have like a million (four. I have four) John/Chas things started that’ve been languishing in Evernote for at least a year, and then I decided, on a whim and for reasons I don’t even recall, to write & finish this from scratch. It took me 23 days (started October 22, published November 14), which is a relatively short turn around for me. It’s also got the highest response rate of anything I wrote this year, at almost 19%. Probably because Constantine fandom and John/Chas shippers in particular don’t have a lot of other options at the moment as to what to read lmao.

Favorite Fic: a strong enough foundation and culpability are probably tied -- the former because it’s very personal, the latter because I still love John/Chas stuff SO MUCH and I was proud of myself for getting it done. and so it goes is also so soft & lovely though, and the comments I got for it were some of my very favorite.

Hardest Fic: Finishing a strong enough foundation was a fucking challenge, especially since I knew that a 21k gen fic full of OCs was never going to be a fandom classic & I personally thrive on attention.

Do You Plan to Take Prompts in 2017? I mean I’m personally always taking prompts, but people should be aware that I am an incredibly slow writer unless I’m in PRECISELY the right mood and even then, it can be tricky. So yeah I could agree to take a prompt but not finish it for a year. Or it could be done the next day. It always varies, with me.

What was the best thing about 2016? Well, I passed the bar, so that was pretty nice. Fandom wise...I guess I found my own little community to work within, of people who don’t drive me bananas. I mean the rest of it still exists, but. At least I’ve got my own little bubble to vent with sometimes.

What was the worst thing about 2016? The whole of it. I stopped being able to read Finn/Poe fic and I’m not super eager to start it again, which is disappointing, because I do like to keep up with fandom trends, at the very least -- I like to know what there’s already too much of, so I don’t give people more of the same that no one’s going to want to bother with, etc.

Any last thoughts for 2016? Obviously I could’ve done more, writing wise, but I’m genuinely surprised at how much I actually did do, so here’s hoping I keep up with that trend. Of course, I was unemployed for a majority of 2016, so that probably helped my fic writing productivity somewhat -- hopefully that won’t be the case in 2017.

I’ve been having a bit of a writer’s block recently, but idk if it’s because I’m annoyed with fandom currently, or just worried about my unemployment, or at my parents’ house and always busy, or what. But I’m hoping my inspiration will come back soon, maybe even with the return of Constantine (conditionally. maybe. in a strange format & weird conditions) or the next Star Wars preview or something.

Goals for 2017

I have an informal list of things I jotted down on like the first or the second day of the year, so hopefully I’ll be able to get through at least a few of those

Generally speaking I want to keep to a writing schedule -- in November I tried to do like 30 minutes/500 words a day and 100% didn’t stick to it, but by tracking how many I did manage to write and on what days I wrote, I got the Travelogue done and finished culpability as well. So a substantial amount of work on two fics, both of which got posted eventually, is a good start. Hopefully once I have a job and a routine down, it’ll be easier to set a time and stick to it; the problem then will be both creativity and exhaustion.

Having confidence in my writing abilities is always a challenge and it’s never come easy for me, plus I’m such a slow writer, so feedback, which is the one thing that really genuinely helps me, is hard to come by. But I do feel more confidence about my strengths and abilities than I have in the past, so I’m hoping to at least be able to hold on to that.

I want to stop feeling guilty for what I write or what I want to write -- I like to be organized and I like to have an order of things to work on (”you need to finish this thing first before you can work on the other”) but I don’t know if that actually ends up motivating me. So considering some of the other things fandom gets up to, none of the things I’d rather be working on sometimes are like -- horrible.

#2016 Fic Writing Round-up #writing

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elliekautzer18-blog · 5 years ago

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Points to Help make a Long Distance Relationship Last

Ways To Keep Your Love-making Life In A Long-Distance- Too many people still consider that a long distance relationship cannot work over time. Primarily, being long-distance creates points and challenges that you just won't face in a standard” relationship, but if you happen to can deal with them, I think it could expedite emotional progress. So usually, we find yourself in relationships of comfort—you fuck that bizarre stoner guy as a result of he lives in your neighborhood, otherwise you maintain accidentally-on-objective sleeping with your ex because you're lonely and there is no better choice. However in the event you're willing to place up with the nightmare of lengthy-distance, that should mean you actually fucking like one another. So, paradoxically, being lengthy-distance can create a feeling of security, as a result of it is clear that you simply're both all in. There may be an internet group for all the pieces, together with these in long distance relationships. After spending 18 months in a LDR, Nate and Lolo Hockley created a blog called Lasting the Distance to exchange recommendation with different couples. Nine years later, they dwell together in Canada, the place they're elevating a son, but they are saying the neighborhood they discovered by means of the location was saved them going by means of the highs and lows of their LDR. Whether or not it's a Facebook group or an area Meetup , hunt down a support system that may really relate to what you're going through. Maintaining your romance alive and kicking is key to making a relationship work. Good news is that there are merchandise on the market which might reinforce your intimate connection and make the long distance much less daunting. Regardless that your boyfriend's far way, your sexual wishes are still on. So, your intercourse life will involve a variety of solo play. Vibrators and dildos will assist you have לוח דירות דיסקרטיות got fun when he is not there. Some high-tech intercourse toys are designed for the long distance. He can truly operate one from his smartphone whilst you take pleasure in it. Reap the benefits of this know-how if you need the relationship to work. A distant-managed vibrator might be all you want for your long-distance sexual wants. You will work magic with this toy from distant. If your friends ask you to exit for dinner with them on a night that you've a telephone date planned together with your partner, do not blow it off in favour of your friends. Just because one in all them has you bodily around people doesn't mean that it should take priority over your accomplice. Deal with your date nights along with your partner as just as essential, if no more so, as your plans with individuals in the true world. Long-distance relationships (LDR) are proliferating, with an estimated 14 million couples defining their relationships as such and a staggering 75 p.c of engaged couples reporting having been in an extended-distance relationship sooner or later. Since you are head over heels in love, prepared to travel to the ends of the earth to your associate, and can't describe the feeling of pure joy you receive every time you are with them.

Methods To Maintain Your Making love Life In A Long-Distance

Primarily, being long-distance creates points and challenges that you just may not face in a standard” relationship, but for those who can handle them, I feel it may expedite emotional development. So usually, we end up in relationships of convenience—you fuck that weird stoner man as a result of he lives in your neighborhood, otherwise you maintain by accident-on-objective sleeping together with your ex because you're lonely and there is not any higher possibility. However should you're keen to place up with the nightmare of lengthy-distance, that must mean you actually fucking like one another. So, paradoxically, being long-distance can create a feeling of safety, as a result of it's clear that you're each all in. Relatively than selecting to forget about the sex when he's away, it's best to fantasize about it. Give you romantic ideas in your head and share them together with your lengthy-distance boyfriend. The next time you meet, be sure to actualize the fantasies. Plan collectively for an attention-grabbing and hot lovemaking session earlier than you visit him. It could be one thing like staying in bed all day lengthy to reinforce your physical intimacy or making an attempt one thing outrageous you watched on the internet. Once you visit with a plan to increase your intimacy, will probably be more fulfilling and produce you nearer than ever. It is basic psychology that once we sacrifice for something, we recognize it extra—you recognize, like a sorority hazing ritual (I assume?). And being in an LDR requires a lot of sacrifice—of time, money, vibrator-less orgasms, cuddle capacity, et cetera. In a approach, that form of commitment feels old school: You stick it out for love, even when it is laborious. But actually, after having swiped myself into oblivion on dating apps , I'm discovering it form of refreshing to need to work onerous for one thing, and someone, I care about.

#tips

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shandismessmer · 6 years ago

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Links may be affiliate or referral links. All items purchased by me unless otherwise mentioned. All opinions are my own. Read full disclosure here.

I can’t believe another month is gone! Where is this year going? I had a great month and used up a ton of products. I am killing the empty game this year, so I can’t wait to share what I used up this month! Make sure to let me know in the comments below what you used up this past month! P.S. I’m trying out a new layout for this post this month, so make sure you let me know what you think of this type of empties post please! 🙂

hair.

+ Suave Rosemary + Mint Conditioner, 28 FL OZ ($3.94). I’ve used up a ton of these before. They’re really good, especially for the price. I definitely recommend them, and I’ll definitely repurchase. Plus, it smells so incredible! + vo5 Island Coconut Moisturizing Shampoo, 12.5 FL OZ ($5.91). My husband actually used this up. He liked it. He prefers slightly higher end shampoos, but he is trying to go through the small stash that we have of these leftover from our apartment days. I personally am not a fan, but I love the scent of this. + PINK Beach Hair But Better Wave Spray, 8 FL OZ ($14.50). This is actually no longer available, but it was a pretty decent wave spray. They had this as part of their most recent Semi-Annual sale for like, $5, and I seriously debated grabbing some more, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t LOVE this spray, but it worked for daily life. + American Wave Glint Texture & Shine Spray, 6.7 FL OZ ($30.00). I got this in a limited edition of some sort, and when I first tried it I absolutely hated it. But the more I used it, the more I loved it and now I’m obsessed. It gives some nice volume, and it does add a beautiful sheen to my hair. I definitely recommend. + Schwarzkopf GLISS Hair Repair Ultimate Repair Conditioner, 13.6 FL OZ ($5.47). I really like this conditioner, and I am loving that price. It works well, it makes my hair super smooth and I don’t notice any issues with my coloring since I do dye my hair. I’ll definitely be grabbing a few more bottles of this! + Renpure Advanced Tea Tree & Lemon Sage Shampoo, 3.4 FL OZ ($2.99). This was pretty good. I loved the scent, and it really did feel invigorating. It was great to use in the morning, and I would grab this again. + Renpure Advanced Tea Tree & Lemon Sage Conditioner, 3.4 FL OZ ($2.99). I didn’t love this as much as the shampoo. It was okay, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to hunt this down in stores. + HASK Orchid & White Truffle Moisture Rich Deep Conditioner, 1.75 FL OZ ($1.77). This made my hair feel so amazing. It smelled great, and there is a lot of product in this little sample sized packet. I love that you can buy these in one-time uses – it’s really convenient! + Garnier Whole Blends Honey Treasures Repairing Mask, 0.6 FL OZ ($0.32). There wasn’t really enough product in this sample for me to really test, so unfortunately I don’t really have an opinion since I had to mix this with another hair mask. + Christophe Robin Cleansing Volumizing Paste, 1.35 FL OZ ($8.58). This was kind of an odd-ball product to me. I don’t quite get the point, but my hair felt incredible after using this. It was similar to a scalp scrub, I suppose. I’d definitely buy the full size. + Redken Extreme Shampoo, 1.7 FL OZ ($5.99). This was a nice basic shampoo, but didn’t do anything crazy to my hair. I think it would be really good for low matience hair people. + Kenra Luxe One Leave-In, 1 FL OZ ($5.00). This little guy worked really well. I have another sample of this that I will happily use. This made my hair feel very lush and soft. I would definitely buy this in the full size. + Alterna Caviar CC Cream Leave-In Hair Perfecter, 0.85 FL OZ ($8.84). This is really good. I’ve gone through so many of these travel size tubes. This is always what I use in between trying new leave in treatments. This is always my go-to!

body.

+ Bath & Body Works French Lavender & Honey Shower Gel, 10 FL OZ ($12.50). Love this! I normally love Bath & Body Works shower gels, but this scent is one of my all time favorites. It’s so relaxing and luxurious. I will always repurchase. + Fortune Cookie Soap Time To Shine Shimmer Body Wash, 7 OZ ($10.99). This was a cute concept. It’s shaped like a wine bottle and was available as part of their New Year’s collection. It smelled really nice, but it had a lot of shimmer. I don’t really have much of a want for a shimmer body wash, so I’d pass on this. + David Beckham Homme Shower Gel, 6.7 FL OZ ($24.99). I got this as part of a cologne set that I got for Kylor (and he was the one primarily using this). I wouldn’t really be down for paying the price per bottle, but if you’re interested in paying for it, I will say it smells INCREDIBLE. I loved when he was using this, but I’m also a fan of the matching cologne. + Gillette Satin Care Ultra Sensitive Shave Gel, 7 OZ ($1.99). This was really nice. I found it to be pretty soothing. I’ll definitely use this again – it’s great for a basic shave gel that doesn’t cause irritation. + Sol de Janeiro Brazilian Bum Bum Cream, 0.84 FL OZ ($4.66). This is quickly becoming a cult classic product. I’ll admit, I think it smells delicious. I get why everyone thinks it smells so great, but (hold your pitchforks), I don’t get why everyone is so obsessed with it. It’s just like a normal lotion to me, so I wouldn’t go searching for the full size.

skincare.

+ Beauty 360 Premium Cotton Rounds, 80 CT ($3.79). These were pretty good. I didn’t find them to shed too much, and I really liked the quilted side for removing my eye makeup. I would get these again. Actually I have, this is like my 24th pack of these! + Simple Cleansing Facial Wipes, 7 CT ($4.99). I’m pretty sure this price is wrong, but it’s all I can find online? These are good, but this pack dried out very quickly. I’ve gotten the full size packs and didn’t have any issues, so I’d purchase the full size but I did find it weird that I had an issue with this travel size pack. + MAC Prep + Prime FIX+ , 3.4 FL OZ ($26.00). This is definitely not my first bottle of this. I love it, it works great at so many different things. I am trying out a few cheaper alternatives of this right now, but I’ll probably switch back to this once those are empty because OG is OG! + The Body Shop Smoky Poppy Shower Gel, 8.4 FL OZ ($10.00). This scent is no longer available :(. I actually got this on clearance from TJ Maxx. I loved the scent of it, very musky, while still having a sweeter side to it. My husband really enjoyed this too. + eb5 Anti-Aging Toner, 0.75 FL OZ ($1.24). I really did like this. This is the first product from this brand that I’ve used, and I was pleasantly surprised by how much I liked it. I would buy the full size. + Luzern La Defense Urban Protect Daily Moisturizer, 0.33 FL OZ ($16.50). This was a really thick moisturizer. It was sooo amazing though. My skin felt so damn good after using this. I definitely see why it has such a high price tag. + Clinique Clarifying Lotion 3, 1 FL OZ ($2.38). This has always been one of my go-to skincare products. I have full size bottles of this, and I’ll always repurchase. This is definitely a cult classic for a reason! + Clinique Liquid Facial Soap Mild, 1 FL OZ ($2.76). This is another cult classic. So great for sensitive skin. This makes my skin feel so clean and refreshed. It’s great for those really long, stressful days. + Purlisse Blue Lotus 4-in-1 Eye Adore Serum, 0.24 FL OZ ($27.84). This seriously made my undereyes feel and look so amazing. I am really surprised at the estimated value cost of this tiny size, but I might be willing to pay retail for the full size because it really did make my eyes feel incredible! + Caudalie Make-Up Removing Cleansing Oil, 1 FL OZ ($8.28). I love cleansing oils and balms. They always work so well to remove my makeup, and this is no exception. This was interesting since it is an oil and I’ve always hated cleansing oils before trying this one. This totally changed my mind though. Bring on the cleansing oils!

masks.

+ Grace & Stella Anti-Wrinkle and Energizing Eye Mask ($2.00). + Esfolio Pearl Essence Mask Sheet ($2.20). + It’s Skin Blueberry Vitality & Moisture Sheet Mask ($1.99). + Annie’s Way Ginkgo + Seaweed Anti-Wrinkle Eye Mask ($2.99). + Mizon Enjoy Vital-Up Time Anti Wrinkle Mask ($3.50). + Urban Dollkiss Elephant Nose Pack ($5.99). + Etude House Collagen Eye Patch ($1.96). + no:hj Modeling Mask Serum ($4.00). + Etude House Black Charcoal Chin Pack ($2.90). + Her Story Aqua Mask Sheet ($4.00). + Dr. Brandt Shake & Shot Shaking Rubber Hydro Shot ($12.00) + Mario Badescu Enzyme Revitalizing Mask, 0.5 OZ ($5.00) + GlamGlow InstaMud 60-Second Pore-Refining Treatment, 0.24 OZ ($5.92)

makeup.

+ Urban Decay Troublemaker Mascara, 0.10 OZ ($11.00). I only got to use this a couple of times before it dried out. I did really like the mascara, but the fact that the travel size dried out so quickly really concerns me about the full size + Manna Kadar Flutter Mascara Jet Black ($29.00). This was an okay mascara. I don’t think that I would pay $30 for it, but it was pretty decent. This did dry out pretty quick too, though. Shame. + Urban Decay 24/7 Glide On Eye Pencil in Perversion ($21.00). This line is my holy grail eye liners. This eye liner ended up falling out of the pencil. Ugh. I’ll still repurchase though. A must-have!

I used up $370.72 worth of products this month! I’ve used up $2,996.04 worth of products so far this year!

What did you use up this month? What do you think of this layout for future empties posts?

Let’s Talk Trash! | Empties & Mini Reviews #13 Links may be affiliate or referral links. All items purchased by me unless otherwise mentioned. All opinions are my own.

#beauty empties #beauty reviews #Empties #let&039;s talk trash #makeup empties #mini reviews #review #skincare empties #what i used up

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seewattsididthere · 7 years ago

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I broke my leg; it didn’t break me. Part Two: Making a miracle.

Let’s recap.

As a refresher for those who read the first article I wrote, I’m going to provide an enormously abridged version of it in this section. The original article can be found here.

I highly recommend you read that article first, so that you can get the most of this one. And no, I’m not just saying that. You wouldn’t read chapter 4 of a book before chapter 1, would you? Okay, glad we’re on the same page, moving on…

Enormously Abridged Summary:

September 2017, my lung collapsed, I had surgery in October 2017, which resulted in “permanent nerve damage” which was being treated up until March 26th, 2018, which, coincidentally, was the day that I broke my leg and tore my meniscus in a freak rock-climbing accident. I had a lot of reasons to be sad/mad/xyz you-name-it-negative-emotion. But I decided not to feel that way, and used different methods and strategies to make this experience as painless as possible.

So Why do a Part 2?

In I broke my leg; it didn’t break me. Your personal guide to taking an injury and making the most of it, I left you guys with the idea that no matter what happens, it’s completely up to you how you react. Remember that? Still true. But, Part 1 was all about the initial stages, meant to prepare you for the ups and downs that inevitably come from an injury, by building your mental and emotional fortitude. Now that we built that up, the real healing can happen.

Healing

9 days after breaking my leg, something big happened.

I thumped my way in to physical therapy at 8:30 am on my crutches. I was tired, my arms ached, and I had just driven from my surgeon’s office–in Austin rush hour traffic, mind you–to pick up an order for a temporary handicapped sticker that I would have to get at the DMV (my own personal hell) that day. But, I told myself that today was going to be a great day, so I signed in to my appointment with a smile on my face and tried to muster up enough enthusiasm for my exercises as possible. I thumped behind the PT assistant as he walked me to my first task. I took off my brace, put down the crutches, took a deep breath, and got on what I considered to be the most painful machine in that entire building. I closed my eyes and braced myself...

I started pedaling on the exercise bike, and there was no pain. I was shocked, this was the same bike with the same pedals that I couldn’t even make do one rotation just a week earlier. This was huge. Then I moved on to my next exercise, and there was no pain. And the next one, no pain. My physical therapist came over and told me how it looked like my swelling was gone. I realize I haven’t seen my leg without the brace in a while. I look down. Both legs look about the same. I guess she’s right. She leaves me to my exercises and calls my surgeon. I do one exercise after another, and there’s still no pain. Please don’t let this be a dream. She comes back and says it’s incredible, but I can go down to one crutch. If it doesn’t hurt by when I come in Friday, we’ll talk about next steps. At this point, I’m simultaneously confused and about to burst with excitement. Did my new approach actually work?

I leave the office with one crutch, huge grin, and unparalleled gratitude for this sudden change in events. I go through that day and the next in a state of sheer awe. I have one free hand! Look at me, carrying my own coffee mug to my desk! It only takes me a minute to get to my car! Heck yeah, life is wonderful! I’m so lucky to be alive! Friday can’t come fast enough!

On Friday, 11 days after breaking my leg, I am walking without crutches or pain.

My new approach worked. Don’t believe it? Ask my surgeon, doctor, or physical therapist–all of whom initially told me I would have at least 6-8 weeks of staying off that leg, using crutches, and may even want to look into getting a wheelchair.

No, I’m not a doctor.

Not even close. I don’t have a medical degree, the closest I ever came to performing a medical procedure was picking cactus needles out of my skin one time in the desert. What could I possibly know about healing, right?

But, I’ve been a patient. I’ve been a patient many times. I’ve been a good patient, I’ve been a bad patient, I’ve been and impatient patient. If you’re thinking that I must be some sort of genetic mutant with traits that allow me to heal fast, unfortunately I’m going to have to burst your bubble. I’ve healed painfully slower than average, I’ve healed normally, I’ve healed quickly, and now I’ve healed miraculously. To put this in perspective, the last time I hurt this leg, I tore my ACL and had to have surgery. It took almost 4 months for me to completely recover, compared to the 6-8 weeks that my doctor had estimated.

So what was the difference, what did I do?

Well, I started with the steps in the previous article. Haven’t read it yet? Seriously, read it!

Then, I put my new-found time lying in bed to good use.

It started simple, the idea was that there had to be a reason why sometimes I healed faster than other times. Then, I went searching for a correlation, figuring that the best place to start was with my past injuries and hospitalizations, given the large data set I had to work with. This started by making a list of the past injuries I’ve had, then writing every detail I could remember about them. I’m talking everything; how long it took to recover, what the doctor said the recovery time would be, if I believed that I would recover in that time, what medicines they had me take, if there was surgery or not, if there were complications, my mood when I woke up, who was around me, how they were behaving, how well I listened to the doctor’s instructions, if I saw friends– you name it I wrote it down, for all of them.

If you’re thinking, “That sounds overwhelming, I mean who has time in the day to do that? I am so busy, I can’t even make food for myself at night, and now I’m injured and you want me to spend time dwelling on the past?! Are you nuts?” Honestly, I probably would have thought that too at one point.

But here’s something to think about: If I hadn’t spent the time doing this, I wouldn’t have been able to start seeing what was going wrong. If I didn’t know why it was happening, then I wouldn’t have been able to address it. If I hadn’t addressed it, then I would still be on crutches, taking much longer to get to places and do everyday things. So, the time that I spent doing, and learning from, this exercise ended up ultimately alleviating me from weeks of pain, giving me back days of productivity, and saving me money on all of the extra medical expenses I would have incurred. Given my results, I would confidently say this exercise was a good investment of my time, and I’d bet that it would be a good one for you too.

Plus! I’m going to make it easier for you, download a free printable to guide this exercise at the end of this article. So no excuses!

Maybe you’ve only been hurt once, or maybe you always heal fast but never as fast as I did, or maybe you are reading this and not actually injured, etc. For those of you that are thinking, “What could I learn from you? Our experiences are different.” I’ll be the first to concede that it’s extremely unlikely that we’ve been through the same thing, and my results are just that, mine. But, I’m asking you to stay with me here. There’s a lesson that I believe can be learned, even if you’re not injured at all.

Initial Findings

I usually didn’t trust the doctor’s estimate of time.

I mostly followed the doctor’s orders, unless it was too uncomfortable, or expensive, or inconvenient with my schedule.

Sometimes, I was with family, who loved me, but also worried about me, were cautious around me, and warned me not to do things that they perceived to be potentially dangerous.

I ate what I thought was healthy, as opposed to what my body was craving.

My mood was variable, and though having a good mood didn’t necessarily correlate to healing faster, having a bad mood definitely correlated to healing slower.

Digging deeper: learning about yourself, and confronting your beliefs.

Usually, at this point you’re probably thinking okay, so just do things different? That’s it? Well yes, and no.

It’s not enough to just go through the actions. Think of this like trying to get rid of weeds in your backyard. You can cut them down, but if you don’t get rid of the roots, then they keep growing back. Your patterns or “bad luck” are like the weeds, and your beliefs, thoughts, or reasons for approaching an injury the way you do are the roots. It’s time to pull them out, dig deep if we have to, and fix what’s holding you back.

I approached this by listing my findings from the previous exercise. Then for each of the things found:

Ask why (or what belief could have caused this)

Ask where did this belief come from?

Consciously changing the belief by writing down a new belief to replace it.

To see all of my findings and beliefs broken down, as well as a blank template for your own use, download the free printable at the end of this article!

The making of a miracle.

There’s a chance that many of you won’t be open to accepting the answers I have to give, that you’ll find it hard to believe what I’m saying, or tell me I’m not god and I can’t possibly make a miracle happen. That’s a chance I’m willing to take. I’m aware that my ideas won’t resonate with everyone (I mean, what a tall order, what idea ever has?), but that’s okay. In this section, I’m writing to the people who need to hear this. One person finding relief is worth more to me than 100 people disagreeing with me is.

Controversy and affirmations.

Now, I’ve been dabbling in the self-help world for a while. I regularly go to therapy, listen to motivational speakers, read self-help books, and write down my goals. But, the idea of affirmations had always been one I didn’t quite buy, even though everything I took in talked about them and how great they were. But every time I saw someone mention them, I found myself thinking something along the lines of this:

Seriously? I’m more rational than that, I’m a scientist for heaven’s sake. You’re really going to tell me that by repeating phrases to myself–out loud–that I’m going to magically bring the things I want to me? What if my roommate is at home, I mean she’s caught me talking to my cat more than once, and probably already thinks I’m crazy, if I did that too, she’d really think I’ve gone insane. Let’s skip past this part and get to something more practical.

Sound familiar? Maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t. Point is, that I’ll be the first to admit it sounds totally unbelievable that affirmations could work.

A turning point for me came recently. Right after I got injured, a book I ordered a while back was delivered. The book was called “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay. She literally cured herself of cancer. CANCER.

As I read, she too talked about the power of affirmations, and all these things that I had been so eager to throw in the pile of wacky-doesn’t-make-sense-crap before. It took until reading about affirmations in that book, for me to finally ask myself the question: could this really work? I searched the web for scientific papers that discussed this. I actually found quite a bit more than I intended, and mostly, the verdict was yes. Okay... so the scientist inside me could wrap my head around it… I busted out laughing, (really glad my roommate wasn’t around for that, she would have totally thought I was crazy), threw up my hands, and told god, or the universe however you want to explain it, “Okay, you’ve won, I’ll play.”

After doing the exercise of writing down and changing my beliefs, I turned my new-found beliefs into daily affirmations. In eleven days, I was back on my feet.

Isn’t it funny how sometimes you’re surrounded by the answer, but you’re fighting it?

When we are kids, we believe in miracles. At some point, most of us grow up and lose our connection to that belief. Don’t be like me and wait until you’ve literally had to break your leg to start believing that miracles can happen. I’ve found the easiest logic to explain them, is that we as humans do not currently know all there is to know. Think about it: even top scientists at NASA get stumped with things in the universe that they can’t explain. There were so many things once considered impossible, until someone did it: building a machine that allowed humans to be in the sky, going deep in the ocean, eating 73.5 hot dogs AND buns in 10 minutes are all examples of this.

So, if you want something miraculous to happen, I’m going to strongly suggest you do these:

Read the previous article and actually do the things it asks you to. We need to build our mindset.

Spend time examining your past injuries or situations.

Figure out what beliefs caused you to act, or behave the way you did in that situation.

Substitute your old beliefs with new beliefs, and write the new ones down.

Use these new beliefs to guide how you approach your situations from now on.

Say them out loud as affirmations. Put saying them on your to-do list each day. Do it in the car. Just do it.

Get a copy of Louise Hay’s Book, and read it.

Keep your faith in miracles strong.

I’m going to leave you guys with one of my favorite quotes:

“Trade in your drama about how you can’t have what you want for the grateful expectation that miracles will walk into your life, and the more commonplace those miracles will become.”

–Jen Sincero, You are a Badass (another book that I strongly recommend reading)

Sincerely,

Taylor

#self help #broken #leg #broken leg #injury #healing #self healing

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1310miles · 7 years ago

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Twenty Eight

Who knew Seattle was a hilly area? Not me, who had never been there before. I always thought the downside to Seattle was just the rain. But once I registered and told people I was training for the Seattle Marathon, they all said “whoa- there’s gonna be a lot of hills.” I thought “bah, how hard can it be? I’ve run 27 marathons. Seattle doesn’t scare me.” It will only suck if it rains on race day, I thought.

So in August, I started training. It is amazing to me how long 18 weeks actually is. I had gone from 90 degree weather to an inch of snow on the ground. From daylight until 8pm to dusk at 4pm. From vacation at Niagara Falls to the long Thanksgiving Break of the Wilmette school district.

I trained differently than ever before. I incorporated both hill work and speed work into at least one weekly run. Usually I just run at a consistent pace for all my workouts, and that has served me fine. But this time I discovered that I could actually run fast. It was exhilarating! Really a lot of fun to go speeding through mile after mile. Of course, sometimes I wanted to puke my guts out, but by the end of training I could run 10 miles at an 8 minute pace. That was miraculous for me. As for the hills, the best (worst) you can find in the Chicago area are the ravine hills along the lakefront in Glencoe. I ran them and hoped that they would compare slightly with Seattle.

I was feeling confident about my training, but didn’t expect much from my performance based on everyone’s warnings. If I were to have been running a flat course, I think I could have gotten a personal record. But for this course, I was just hoping for an honorable 10 minute mile or less, for the duration.

With bellies very full from Thanksgiving dinner (thanks Mom), Brett and I left the kids with my parents (thanks Mom and Dad), and flew to Seattle. We explored the town a little and soon discovered that I was going to be completely screwed. The hills in that town are ridiculous. We learned that they used to be at a 49 degree angle but were reduced to a mere 18 degree angle for the modern era. Oh boy. That didn’t bode well for my performance. Also, at this point I would estimate the hills I ran in Illinois to be about a 2 degree angle.

We enjoyed our tourist time in Seattle. The highlights were our spontaneous visits with two of my mom’s cousins (Kris and Cami) and my long time friend from childhood, her husband and kids (Emily, Ray, Jonah, and Eloise). Really amazing hosts and great friends! Then it was early to bed on Saturday in preparation for the race.

For once the time difference was in my favor since the race was to begin at 8:15 which was 10:15 central time. I wasn’t even very tired upon waking up even though I couldn’t sleep at all. I always worry I’m going to relive that Seinfeld episode where he is hosting an elite marathon runner who keeps oversleeping (the am/pm!).

Brett joined me for a quick breakfast in the hotel and then I walked to the start line, about a mile from the hotel, right beneath the Space Needle. I was about an hour early, so I had plenty of time to line up for the porta potties about three times. I was also a good Samaritan and discovered a bank of hidden, unused porta potties and directed a huge group of runners out of their long lines to those.

At 7:15, there was actually a “walking” marathon start. If you were planning on walking the race, you could start at this time, and get ahead so as not to finish so late in the day. I don’t know too many details, but it seems to me that you could do this particular start as a runner, and literally be the lead runner almost the whole route. Wouldn’t that be crazy weird?!? You would be leading the whole race and people along the route would think you were the winner. Yes, eventually the elite winners would catch you, but I bet you could get pretty far. I wonder if anyone did this?

It was time for the real marathon start, and of course, it was raining. Just a slight drizzle though, and based on the previous two days in Seattle, I assumed it would just continue like this. It was actually a pleasant sort of rain that was just a mist, and other than avoiding puddles on the roads, I didn’t feel like it would be a hindrance at all.

I took off at with the 3:45 pace group, knowing that I could do it if this was a flat course and hoping that the hills had been greatly exaggerated. I felt amazing and confident. We flew through downtown Seattle, past our hotel, and up the first hill like it was nothing. I used a new technique for this race to keep track of the hills. I drew the elevation map on my hand in pen right before the race. Usually along marathon routes, I’m always wondering what is around the corner. Or listening to other runners or spectators to find out if the “terrible” hill is coming up or if it’s finally over. With this little hill map, I could keep track of it myself. It was an amazing asset! Just knowing when I had finished a bad hill and didn’t have to face another one for a few miles was a big relief. I will use this technique again.

There were three major hills within the first five miles, and at the top of the second one, as I was leaving the Seattle downtown area, I saw my friend Emily and her family. Seeing them made my eyes well up with emotion. It was so great having them there to cheer for me, and their smiles were big inspirations.

The last of these three hills was the most steep and I employed my walking uphill strategy because it would have been ridiculous to run. It was basically straight up. This is where I lost my pace group. I hoped to reunite with them on the downhill, but I couldn’t catch up. I was still running a great pace though. Little did I know at the time, but I had run my fastest 1k, 1 mile, and 5k ever at that point. I would go on to also run my fastest half marathon. I think the downhills were giving me a major boost to offset the uphill efforts.

We split from the half marathon just after mile five. I was getting into the zone and feeling pretty good. At this point, I was having delusions of grandeur. I was feeling like I could for sure get my Boston Qualifying time. The hills hadn’t been too bad, and I was feeling really fast. Reality started setting in as the course leveled out for several miles. All that up and down really took a lot out of me I guess, and I began to slow down. Not hugely, but enough to kill my BQ. Then I said to myself, I can definitely get a personal record. This race isn’t so hard. And then I hit more hills in Seward Park. And my legs just didn’t seem to be moving as quickly as I wanted them to. Slowly, mile after mile, by goals were reduced. Finally, the last stage in this process is just hoping to not die.

Along the way, I saw Brett at mile 8 and then once I looped back around, at the same spot, which was then mile 15. I needed a clothing change. When we started it was drizzling, but about an hour in, the sky cleared and the sun came out, which I hear is rare in Seattle. It was a beautiful day for me to admire the Lake Washington and Seattle skyline. It was getting warm too, so I went down to just a a t-shirt. A surprise at this pit stop was also my mom’s cousin Kris. What a neat thing to see her there! She lived within walking distance to the spot so she got to see the epic amounts of drenched clothes I deposited with Brett. I was again inspired by seeing my loved ones, and I took off for the second half of the race refreshed with dry clothes.

A couple more miles went by, and I was finally down to single digit miles to go, when the weather took another drastic turn. The sky turned black, temps dropped by 15 degrees and it started raining again, but this time real rain, not drizzle. It became miserable. I was already hurting and knowing that I had some bad hills to go, and this got me feeling pretty down. A marathon isn’t all mental, but I will say that if you let your mind go negative, the miles feel really, really long. I tried my best to snap out of it, tried to force a smile, but I told myself this was going to be the toughest marathon I had ever run.

Past mile 18 was another set of three major hills. At one point, I had been looking forward to these hills so I would have the opportunity to walk again. I had been slogging on the flat parts for several miles, and just wanted a break from the pace.

This section was in a forested area, which, had I not wanted to die or quit or cry, might have been enjoyable to take in. But I was in survival mode. My time had far passed a 4-hour marathon pace, so I was just working at this point on finishing. We were in this forest, up and down hills, back and forth through switchbacks, and I probably did more walking than running. The uphills never quit, and the downhills were so slippery from the rain that I couldn’t take them very fast at all. We were also very congested with other runners here. It was out and back on the paths, so runners were coming straight at you. Plus, we had reconnected with the half marathon people, so they were taking up space and many were walking in large groups. And, there were normal people trying to enjoy the city park. It made for a really unpleasant four miles or so.

Near the very end of this section, I see a mirage that may be my husband. It is him! I don’t know how he got to this remote spot on this switchback (now I know that Kris drove him, bless her heart), but he was a sight for sore eyes. I told him I was happy to see him, but I couldn’t talk too long because I had to either keep running or I was going to quit. I had gotten a boost from the idea that the hills were done and I just needed to keep running until the end.

Finally out of the woods (both literally and figuratively), I got back into a zone knowing that I was going to finish. It would be over very soon. Mentally, I don’t count the effort I will have to make in the last mile of a marathon. Like at mile 23, I basically tell myself I only have two miles to go. At mile 25 I know I will be seeing glimpses of the finish line, hearing crowds cheering and seeing finishers with their medals (which is the biggest milestone for me. When I see a finisher wearing the medal, I know I’m almost done). I ran back into the city and though I wanted to die, kept going through the rain until I turned to see Memorial Stadium and felt the rush of success.

I went through the finish line but I was so tired, cold, and aching, that I couldn’t even smile. I snatched my medal (checking that it was for the MARATHON), donned a mylar blanket and tried to be happy that I was done. I looked at my watch, and saw that it showed ½ mile less than a marathon distance, and that annoyed me. Although I had finally figured out how to get my watch to track the whole race without the battery dying (turn off the heart rate monitor), now I wasn’t going to get credit on my workout app for having completed a marathon. Maybe my brain was a little on the fritz, but this really bothered me. Rather than resting indoors with some of the food provided, I walked around until my watch finally registered 26.2 miles. Once this was accomplished, I could have stopped to eat something, but I was so cold that I needed both hands to hold my blanket around me; it just wouldn’t stay secured properly in the wind. At this point, I needed to get back to the hotel as soon as possible to get warm.

Of course, it was a mile away. So I shivered my way back to the hotel. I was so grateful to be there. Brett greeted me and helped me peel off my socks which were soaked. I got into a very warm bath and felt so relieved. We chatted while I warmed up, and made our plans for the rest of the day. I got out of the bath and immediately fell to the bathroom floor. My head was spinning and I was totally confused. I tried to get up again, and then had to almost throw up. I laid back down and called for Brett, who said my lips were completely blue. I felt like I was going to die. Each time I tried to get up, my head exploded and I blacked out. I was moments away from telling Brett to call 911, when I began feeling a little more normal. I crawled to bed and rested for about a half hour. I ate and drank and napped. Thinking I was ready to be alive, I tried to get up again, but had the same thing happen. I knew I was ruining our plans for the day, but there was no way I was going to be able to get out of that bed for a while.

Upon googling my symptoms, we think my blood pressure dropped very low from ceasing the exercise and taking the hot bath. Brett went out to get ramen for us to eat lunch, and let me say, that’s the cure to anything that ails you!! That soup brought life into me. We were finally able to get out and enjoy our last half day in Seattle.

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thefinalriot-blog · 7 years ago

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'Hot Girls Wanted': A Shocking Look at How Teen Girls End Up in Amateur Porn Video

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scio-is-a-story · 7 years ago

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West 11/20 pt1

Continued from East 11/17

Jess had been chasing officers down in the hallway all week. She’d seen Leo on the way into physics class, and asked if she would be on the team.

“You were supposed to be walk-on to the States team, Jess,” Leo said disapprovingly. “I expected better. What even happened with wind power? But at this point with your performance, I just, I really don’t know, Jess...”

“I can improve!” Jess pleaded, “I’ll manage, I’ll improve, I just... please let me be involved, at least, I can coach other people still if I’m not good enough myself, and then I’ll work hard enough to make the States team, I promise -”

Leo shrugged. “See what the results say when they come out.”

And the results were - supposedly - coming out today. They’d said this weekend, and here it was, already Sunday, so they should be out.

It would be typical of the officers to not actually get them out until Monday, but that didn’t stop Jess panicking over the results already. It made it hard to focus on the work she was meant to be doing - if they’d said definitively, an email will be sent out at 7 pm on Monday, sure, she would be able to wait that long, but waiting without knowing when to expect an answer was much more frustrating.

Instead, she’d arranged to work on a group project in the library. At least there, the other people could criticize her if she spent too much time refreshing GMail.

But she didn’t want SciOly results to turn out like SciBowl results had!

She had asked Leo about those, too. They didn’t have a deadline for results to be out, but she’d begged him repeatedly for an estimate of when they would be.

One day he’d finally said, “Tomorrow.” Because he had to run the list past the coach. But then there was an email that day.

Jess had tried not to get her hopes up as she went to open it. There had been a lot of people at tryouts. They couldn’t all make the team. And some people had had a lot more experience with Science Bowl than she had, she knew.

But still. Jess had gone to all of the tryouts, showing effort, hadn’t she? And she’d improved over the course of the summer practises through tryouts. She would’ve been better if she’d been on the team last year and had gotten all that extra practise, yes, she had been sure, but that hadn’t been possible and there had still been several months, plenty of time, to get better this year before competition.

She had been as good as that without any experience, so surely if she’d gone to actual competitions Jess would have turned into a good competitor?

She had closed her phone. Passed it to the other hand. Opened it again.

But that had been more than enough stalling. She had known the results were set, and since she had had the ability to satisfy the curiosity she’d so obviously shown, all those times asking about the time of results, she hadn’t been gaining anything by waiting any longer.

It had only taken a moment to tap open the email. Jess had skipped the fluff at the beginning, of course, her thumb almost automatically and of its own volition scrolling down to the list of team members.

She would have spotted her name immediately if it had been there. A lifetime of searching for “Jessica Tsien” made it quite a recognizable arrangement of black pixels. So her name evidently hadn’t been there at all. That was how it was with one’s own name.

Jess had placed her phone on the pillow next to her. Very carefully. Balancing it, almost, although it had been a flat object not actually balancing on anything - there had been a normal force between the phone and the pillow at many different points across the phone’s bottom surface. The net torque on the phone had been zero.

Did balancing her phone like that really matter? Did thinking of it in terms of physics really matter?

Of course they hadn’t, but those small actions, those small thoughts - while she was busy with them, she hadn’t been thinking about what she’d actually just read.

She hadn’t been the best at it. But she would have had time to improve. She hadn’t been asking to make A team - she’d just wanted to make one of the teams. B team would’ve been fine - B team, and an alternate, sitting out at least once the majority of the matches if she were that bad, maybe even sitting out two halves in some of them if they thought somebody else were that much better. But she had still wanted to be on the team.

And then she had learnt that she wasn’t. And there had been nothing she could do to change that.

Jess had allowed herself to keel over sideways. She had landed on the pillow, but with her phone sticking into her forehead. She had rolled onto her back, then hugged her knees and rolled off her pillow onto her other side. Closed her eyes tightly, then opened them wide with raised eyebrows, then just let them glaze over as she absorbed the image of the wall.

What was she going to do with herself without SciBowl? And this was her junior year. The year that it was the most important that you, like, did stuff. Had important-looking stuff to put on your resume. Colleges cared about junior year. Running for officer positions in clubs senior year - which colleges would also care about - that cared about what you did junior year. And besides, almost nobody made the SciBowl team for the first time in their senior year. Either the Bowl officers thought it wasn’t worth it to train somebody and have them only compete for the school for one year, or it just so happened that if you hadn’t improved enough to make top 10 in your first 3 years, you wouldn’t be good enough to make top 10 in your 4th and final year. But whichever explanation it was, Jess had had to accept that she probably wasn’t going to be able to call herself a member of her high school Science Bowl team. Or, once she got to college, a former member of her high school Science Bowl team.

Jess had stayed like that for a while, but eventually forced herself out of it. She was supposed to be a pragmatist. She was supposed to be a junior,a strong junior, a fuck-all female junior who kicked ass in Science Club (if not in Science Bowl, then it would have to be in Science Olympiad alone), and lying on her bed really wasn’t helping her at all.

She had considered going to sleep, briefly - that would be somewhat helpful to, she didn’t know, probably her health, that was what they said, right, you need to sleep to be healthy? - but she most likely wouldn’t have succeeded if she’d tried. It would’ve just devolved into crying, or running her performance at every tryout over and over in her head, or something equally wakeful. Just then, sleep had not been possible.

Jess had pulled herself off her bed to the bathroom. Hopefully she hadn’t cried or screamed loudly or something - Jess probably wouldn’t have remembered if she had - so Amanda hadn’t become disillusioned with her strong, brave, intelligent, hard working older sister? But Jess had shut the door to the bathroom anyway, in case she felt like just dissolving onto a wall or the sink or a floor again.

Jess had plenty of makeup sets. She really enjoyed using them, although she seemed not to have enough opportunities to use them. She struggled to wake up on time to get herself that good looking in the morning. But then hadn’t been the morning. And even though nobody was going to see her that night, she was going to look good, because she deserved to look good even if Leo didn’t consider her SciBowl abilities to be amazing, and then she was going to begin to get shit done, and she was going to continue to get shit done all fucking year.

Jess had gotten some stuff done, she supposed, in the intervening time for Science Olympiad, but she still worried about the quality of the builds. Had she really been prepared enough to be top 4 in enough events? Surely she’d worked harder for first tryouts last year than the effort she’d put in now?

Jess didn’t want to go through the same feelings of uselessness over Science Olympiad results. She didn’t want to think about having to go through those feelings of uselessness. She decided to pretend to try to work on her group project while she silently panicked.

Continue to East 11/20 pt1

#science olympiad #scioly #scio-is-a-story #novel #jessica tsien #library #leonardo calabrese

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