#plus now the insecurity that she can be replaced and she doesn't know what to do outside her role as the golden girl

[blairwld]

There’s only one Serena Van der Woodsen. Yeah, no, not tonight

[grizzlyofthesea]

Heather Duke Appreciation Post

I'm going through a Heathers (the musical) phase right now, and I just want to talk a little bit about my favorite Heather: Heather Duke.

I will preface this by saying that she did a lot of cruel things. Bullying Veronica and especially Martha, lashing out at Heather McNamara, etc. is ~not cool~.

But, but, but...

Just like McNamara, she has some stuff going on beneath the surface.

We all know that Heather Chandler pushes her around disproportionately, and that she becomes a tyrant after Chandler's death. People say Duke's tyranny after replacing Chandler is motivated by envy toward the other Heathers, but I think that's only part of it. I think her actions are also fueled by wrath. Now that she isn't under Chandler's thumb, she can lash out and let everyone else know just how that mistreatment felt. McNamara faces the brunt of the abuse because (1) she was not abused as much by Chandler, and (2) she just stood by as Chandler bullied Duke. Duke was resentful of McNamara's "favorite" status and refusal to defend her, so when she got the chance, she didn't hesitate to knock McNamara down a peg. It's not right, but the rationalization is there.

The adoption of red into Duke's wardrobe, whether it's just the scrunchie or a full outfit change, is also a slight to Chandler just as much as it is a symbol of power. She gets to wear Chandler's favorite color--her favorite color as well, if that detail from the movie has carried over--and the former queen of the Heathers can do nothing about it. No one is there to tell her to shut up. If there's anything I like about the West End production, it's "Never Shut Up Again." This new song takes Duke's vendetta against Chandler and runs with it.

It's also important to consider her implied insecurities.

CW for the following paragraph: body dysmorphia, EDs

//////

In "Beautiful," Veronica mentions that Duke has breast implants, courtesy of her mother. Implants can be a purely cosmetic choice, but I don't think that's the case here. Take into account Duke's struggles with bulimia, and her remark that Veronica could "stand to lose a few pounds." Veronica, depending on the production, is either thin, average, or only slightly on the thicker side. Duke is projecting her weight insecurities onto Veronica. She is deeply self-conscious about her appearance and has a skewed image of what an "acceptable" physique is. Even her childhood friendship with Martha could be interpreted this way; she could be ashamed of it due to Martha's unpopularity, but also Martha's weight. She doesn't want to be associated with the word "fat" in any form--"curvy," yes, but not "fat." It's reasonable to think the implants are another step in achieving such impossible standards. Plus, she's seventeen. She may be devious and well-read, but she's still a child. She's sensitive to her peers' praise and opinions, even (or especially) as a member of the most popular clique at Westerburg. A rich, insecure child will probably do stupid things to impress her peers, up to and including getting illegal surgery.

//////

In conclusion, Heather Duke is a wicked, tragic monster. She is the bully who was bullied. She isn't an "uwu soft bean who did no wrong." Every Heather has done some messed up stuff, and Duke is a prime example. But the insecurity, the resentful rage... That is her damage.

[shirogane-oushirou]

🦎, 🎀 and ♟️ for the OC f/o ask game? :)

hello hi hi hi~ thank you so much for the ask!!! love having an excuse to talk endlessly about my beautiful boy <333 i'm just gonna stream of consciousness ramble about all three rens and hope it all makes sense in the end skdjfkjn ;; 💗

🦎 - does your oc f/o have any pets? if not, what pet(s) would they want? is there a reason why they don't have them?

not directly! ren never had pets growing up (strict family), and both doc! and v!ren are so busy, out of the apartment all of the time, that he knows it wouldn't be responsible to keep a pet, no matter how much he'd like one :( once i'm in the picture, though, and start living with him... i mean. i spend most of the day at home in bed KJNASKFJN so time for kibby~~ on one of his off-days we go to some cat cafes to see what we're both interested in cat-wise and how both of our energies play off of them. that way, once we decide to get one, we have SOME idea of the kind cat that would enjoy BOTH of our companies!! r!ren doesn't have pets of his own, but he DOES live with his sister who owns a small coop with a couple of hens! when he wants a quiet moment to think, he'll sit in the backyard and hold a hen and scritch around her wings while he listens to music. one of his niece's chores is to take care of the hens (as much as she can, at least), and he'll sometimes help her out with some of the more difficult things, like cleaning out and replacing the bedding.

🎀 - what aesthetic(s) do you associate with your oc f/o? bonus point if you make an aesthetic board for them!

may have gone... a little overboard with this one... KAJNSDKJN. to my credit, i decided it would be a good opportunity to make some "album covers" for my multiple in-the-works ren playlists teehee (so THANK YOU for choosing this q sjdkjnk i needed the kick in the butt). there's overlap in their aesthetics (especially doc! and v!ren) so i tried to divvy them up as best i could. i'll post these on their own over the next few days, but for now: [cw food, blood, trypophobia, open water, fungi, iv bags] 1: RenRo 2: General Ren 3: Retail!Ren 4: Doctor!Ren 5: Villain!Ren

♟️- how smart is your oc f/o? is it academic smarts, emotional smarts, etc? where does your oc f/o thrive and where do they lack?

(this is so long. i apologize in advance. o7 ) ough. they're all very smart book-wise. trained from an early age and all that, plus doc! and v!ren went to med school and now work in a specialty unit at a university hospital, performing both as a clinical mycologist and doing research when not tending to patients. r!ren went no-contact with his parents before he went to college and went straight into the work force. he's just as intelligent, he just hasn't gone through several years of med school on top of what he already knew. (i am debating the possibility of community college for him, though. need to do some research and cost comparisons... so that's still up in the air!! ;;) emotionally... hmmmmmm. it's complicated. he's VERY observant and people-pleasing, but to a degree that can be off-putting. for doc! and v!ren, this manifests as insecurities due to past failed relationships, which either due to the partner not being Great OR ren over- or under-pleasing them. tl;dr he puts so much pressure on himself to Mask Perfectly to be the Perfect Partner so as to avoid past mistakes... that he'll end up doing things like over-analyzing small details about whether my facial expression indicates that i liked his silly joke instead of recognizing that like. i might like him back and just enjoy his company? KAJSNdKJn. so i think he has the POTENTIAL for good emotional intelligence, but he focuses too much on his own behavior in response to other peoples' feelings instead of properly processing what he observes. if that makes sense. r!ren's a little more realistic about all of this, so his observational skills are more refined, and we start dating MUCH faster because of that lol. he does still have that matching-other-peoples'-energy thing but. yknow. i can make him better LMAO. street smarts-wise, all three are baseline okay. ren grew up in small-town maine and wasn't really allowed a rich social life, so he wasn't very street smart when he first moved away. doc! and v!ren have lived in a big city for several years since then, and he spends a decent number of free evenings walking around the city, so he can take care of himself. r!ren's jumped around to different locations before settling with living with his sister and niece in a rural area, so i guess he has a more shallow but wider breadth of different kinds of street smarts. he's spent a decent amount of time out here, so he's probably more rural street smart. again, still bad about picking fights, though. so i've gotta dock points for that. so uhhhhhhhhhhh in summary doc! and v!ren have higher book smarts, lower emotional smarts. r!ren has higher emotional smarts, lower street smarts.

(ask game)

[the-cat-chat]

December 23, 2023

Your Christmas or Mine 2 (2023)

James' father had invited Hayley's family to spend Christmas in a luxury ski resort in the Austrian Alps. However, after a mix-up at the airport, another turbulent family Christmas tests the couple's relationship.

JayBell: I actually disagree with Anzie about this one. I think the sequel is worse than the first one. Not by much, but a little bit. I don't even mind the whole mix up at the resort. It's completely unrealistic, but I can forgive it.

So why do I think it's worse? One of the reasons is that they haven't learned their lessons from the first movie. Communication is key! Yes I know it's because they need the lack of communication for the plot and the conflict but I hate the lack of communication trope. He doesn't share his big news and she doesn't share her insecurities about the childhood friend and blah blah.

The second reason is the big 3rd act breakup. Not that there is one, but how it all unfolds. It starts because our main girl thinks her boyfriend is being all lovey dovey with the hot, rich, childhood friend. Okay fair. But then she turns it around by making it all about how he's gonna want to be with a rich person some day, who can afford nice resorts like this one, and how she doesn't belong.

Ummm what? Sure she made a comment about how fancy his house was and stuff, but she's never shown insecurity in that way until right now. In the past, she's brushed off his wealth pretty easily. So it comes out of the blue and feels like such a random conflict that the movie doesn't build up in any way. Plus, it's not like her boyfriend has ever shoved his wealth in her face, made comments about her lack of wealth or families wealth, or ever had crazy expectations of how she dresses or acts. This could be a nice conflict in general if the movie introduced it early and developed it throughout instead of randomly having it be a big thing now.

And the way's it's resolved is grandpa being like "don't let idiots judge you etc etc" and then she's like "you so right grandpa" bam conflict over. No insecurities anymore.

A final note: They are NOT ready to be engaged. But if they release a 3rd movie, you know we're gonna watch it to see what happens. A wedding switch? Maybe a baby swap?

Rating: 5/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: This movie pulled a Chicken Run 2 in somehow be so much better than the o.g.- don’t get me wrong it’s still a horrendous mess- but as slightly annoyed as I was I was amused. First off let’s just say they STILL need to work on communication- and AND the whole accommodation swap thing??? First, just saying bc I haven’t a clue what it’s like in the fancy ski slopes of the rich but uhhhhh idk if there’s just air b&b’s that turn out to be shacks with goats?? Just give up your pride and say oh you know what’s a great idea if we’re all in one place! And mayyyybe then a certain idiot would need to go through someone bag and find something- and then immediately forrrrrooooogggger her bf and his dad share initials! But whatever m- you’d also think if it was your bf you’d notice - oh he doesn’t use this brand or oh these aren’t his clothes but whatever. And thennnn to telll your entire family!!! Noice. And I hate the Bea thing - knew that would happen. This ending was soooo much more chaotic than the last too and then and thennn they tricked us! Anywaaay. The toilet thing was absolutely sick- I really don’t know how these characters are meant to function other than chaotically. I loved that Peanut got replaced with a goat this go around. And that they leaned into the horror feeling on this one because again in real life this would be a nightmare.

Rating: 5.75/10 Christmas Cats 🐈

[casspurrjoybell-32]

*Warning Adult Content*

MAKE HIM FEEL BEAUTIFUL

Chapter 26 - Alek

A month plus passed and Ahote started to show, it didn't matter if he tried to hide it, just about everyone had caught on at this point.

His smell, his mood and the way he instinctively moved to shield is stomach at the slightest sign of danger made him a walking billboard sign.

Despite this fact, he didn't tell anyone except the caretakers and matrons that needed to know and he went ahead like no one else but Kaya, Ahote's brother and I knew, most of the pack respected that decision but I could tell it was eating Aponi inside.

"Why won't he tell me?" I looked up from the shirt I was stitching to stare at Aponi, I had come to borrow a needle from one of the housekeeper omegas and Aponi happened to be in the room as well.

I had kept quiet for the most part, preventing myself from even glancing at her and she had done the same until now, her eyes were knitted into a frown and clear distress was written on her face.

"Is he going to pretend the baby doesn't exist when he has it too?" she continued when I didn't give her a response, letting out a sign before taking a seat on one of the stools.

"I understand why he's upset with me but he's never been this angry..." she went on, sparing me a glance, I stared back at her, licking my lips and looking away when I felt her gaze was too intense, it seemed like she wanted to blame me for them falling out of favor with each other.

"Beg him for me, will you?" she asked,and I looked up, my eyes going wide with surprise, she had her eyes on her lap now, she looked embarrassed to be asking for my help.

"I want us to be close again, this is painful," she went on, from what I knew Aponi was just a few years younger but she was like a replacement mother to Ahote.

They meant a lot to each other and even though Ahote was giving her the cold shoulder I could see that he sincerely wanted things to go back to normal, I nodded before I could stop myself and watched as Aponi visibly relaxed.

"Thank you," she said and I could only smile a little to acknowledge her words, I wasn't sure if he would listen to me if I suggested he and Aponi talked things out but I decided it was worth the effort.

The room fell back into silence, Aponi kept working on sewing up the hole on the pair of kids' trouser in her lap, a pile of clothes was pooled at her feet and she was a long way from finishing, I watched her, having already finished sewing up the hole in my shirt.

"Can I ask you something," I muttered, breaking the silence, Aponi paused what she was doing to look at me, her deep brown eyes stared into my blue ones and they seemed curious to hear what I had to say.

"Is it normal for Ahote to be so withdrawn..." I trailed.

"I mean, is it normal for pregnant people to not want to be naked," I added, feeling my face burn up as Aponi's eyes widened.

With the weeks passing Ahote seemed more and more reserved, he didn't want to be touched, he didn't want to be kissed, nothing.

It was starting to bother me and I had nobody to ask, Aponi was an omega herself and since she wasn't after my throat anymore, I just had to ask.

"I'm not sure if it's a pregnancy thing or if I did something wrong," I added when Aponi remained silent.

Aponi frowned, lost in thought for a bit, she let out a deep sign, muttering something under her breath before speaking up.

"I just think he feels ugly. It happens."

"Ugly? Why?"

Ahote was far from that, no he was the complete opposite, why would he suddenly feel so insecure?

"When you're pregnant your body changes a lot, and some people start to feel disgusted. It happens," Aponi muttered and a flash of Ahote pulling my hand away from him when I attempted to lift his shirt this morning ran through my mind, he did seem a bit self-conscious.

"There's really nothing you can do but remind him that it's in his head," Aponi muttered.

"Intimacy is also very important. You have to insist. Hold his hand. His waist. Touch his sides. Go further if he lets you. He might just be afraid that you might not like him as much in his state," she went on and I nodded, looking down at my palms, my face was beet red.

I knew she was being technical but it was still embarrassing, I opened up my palms as she started to list off a bunch of other intimate actions, I had been pressing down on the right one a little too hard and it was visibly red in the center.

"Okay," was all I said and just like that the room faded to silence again, I had what Aponi had told me in my mind for the rest of the day.

The afternoon faded into the evening... the hot sun giving way to cool breeze and the dim blue sky, earlier I had been carrying Elan around on my shoulders as I talked to other hunters but now I was now standing in the small corridor out in the back on my own after he had been taken away by a matron and the other wolves and left to their own cabins and rooms.

I noticed people didn't visit here often because there wasn't much space to hold multiple wolves, the wolves in this pack liked to stick together in small crowds, it was something I still wasn't used to, so I avoided the grounded patios and living rooms in the evening when I couldn't be with Ahote.

A sigh left my lips, as my brows knitted into a frown, he was getting some couching of some sorts from one of the pack matrons, something about expecting wolves.

It seemed Ahote had never gotten when he was pregnant with Elan because he was depressed, I winched, recalling some of the experiences Ahote would talk about as we talked under the covers at night.

Sometimes he would cry and sometimes his expression would be numb as his eyes glossed over with unshed tears, I was glad he was able to have a normal pregnancy this time and I hope that he could create new memories to replace the old ones.

"What are you doing out here?"

I turned around, looking over at the only other blond-haired person in the pack, Zeke, Kaya's mate who had joined the pack a while back.

I blinked as I sidestepped to give him space when he walked over to me, he leaned against the wood pillar adjacent me instead, before reaching into his pocket and extending his hand to me, I gazed at it, noticing he was offering me a cigarette.

I shook my head and he just shrugs his shoulders and lit the one he had between his lips, I didn't answer his question from earlier and he didn't press me to, so we both just stood in silence, staring out into the open fields.

"Your mate is pregnant too?" Zeke said, just loud enough for me to here, I looked up from the ground to stare at him, he puffed his cigarette, licking his lips before continuing...

"It's alright if you don't want to answer. I just wanted to ask some questions, ask for advice really," he said and I watched him move his weight from one leg to the other, e looked nervous, unlike the stereotypical wild Rogues from Wibberville people kept describing.

"Yes," I found myself saying, folding my hands over my chest.

"A few months in."

Zeke nodded.

"It's the same for us."

A bit of a pause ensued.

"I'm scared I won't be good enough."

A brief sentence but it was heavy, I could feel the weight of his words on my shoulders as well, it hit close to home, too close.

"I'm new here and I haven't really been in a proper pack," he went on.

"I'm not sure what to do and I'm not sure how quickly I can learn to mesh with other people here. Everything's different. They even look different."

Zeke laughed, looking at me to give me a warm smile, I smiled back, nodding my head.

"It's overwhelming at first," I said, finding myself frown a bit.

"I've been here for months but it's still so overwhelming."

"What time is it?" I asked when I started to get restless, I wanted to be with Ahote.

"About nine-thirty give or take," Zeke puttered, after pulling up his sleeve to look at his watch.

Excitement rushed through me, Ahote would be in his room now.

"Excited?" Zeke teased, watching me rush for the back door.

"Maybe," I said, hearing his laughter behind me even after I closed the door, I wasn't fazed, of course, I was excited to spend time with the man I loved.

[tihgnari]

๑ [ 35 ] the million dollar question

tw: mentions of drugs, manipulation, mentions of sex but nothing explicit / wc: 2.1k / kazuha's thoughts are italicized and bolded.

— THE PAST

the day xiao introduced you to them was a day kazuha will never forget. it's embedded deep in his system. he remembers the flash of recognition in your eyes when it landed on his.

you probably saw the slight hurt in his eyes when you extended your arm out while saying, "i'm yn, nice to meet you!" which kazuha heard as, let's pretend we don't know each other.

he was a little hurt by your gesture, especially because this was the first time he had seen you in years after moving away from the slow rural life. you two were destined to meet again. after all, what are the odds that you both end up studying at the same university? but the fact that he had to meet you not as his ex but as xiao's girlfriend left a very bitter taste on his tongue.

while he did realize he still harbored feelings for you, he wasn't a homewrecker. plus, you looked happy. kazuha isn't that selfish to take that happiness away from you, so he did what you wanted and played along. he kept all his feelings bottled up until he started noticing you've lost that glow you used to radiate. dark crescent moons littered the underside of your bloodshot eyes. cheeks hollowed out. your shoulders hunched like you wanted nothing but to hide from the world.

he only found out from venti. 

"xiao and yn broke up. xiao says she cheated and left him without saying goodbye."

now, that was an opportunity he couldn't miss out on. he wanted you back. he knows he can make you happy again. he'll be the light at the end of the dark tunnel you're traversing. he's confident he can make you happier than xiao ever can. but he doesn't act out on it first. he waits for the perfect moment, a window he can slip through, for you to welcome him into your life again. 

but kazuha's overlooked a particular flaw in his plan — you only saw him as a friend. you didn't want him back. something tells him you ride along with his flirting because you can't find it in yourself to confront him about it. kazuha has been so nice to you, hasn't he? you can't possibly do that to him, can't possibly reject such a kind-hearted soul whose interest was only to help you, a person in need.

but he underestimated your iron will. you were subtle and he grew to hate you calling him 'friend' when he wanted to be more than that.

there's a popular saying — "birds of the same feather flock together."

and that was the first thing izumi mentions as she sits cross-legged in front of him, annoyingly sipping her coffee loudly in the bustling café outside the university. she asked him to meet her here.

kazuha didn't want to go initially, had never really liked the girl xiao had replaced with you. she's a cheap knock-off. she even had the same physique and hair as you! no wonder xiao puts up with her. 

kazuha scoffs, bringing the rim of the mug containing his coffee up to his lips.

"i'd rather you not cluster me with the likes of you, izumi. it's a grave insult."

"enough with the fancy words, kazuha. i can smell that desperation a mile away. you should be thankful i noticed, otherwise i wouldn't be here to propose a mutually beneficial plan, right?"

his eyes narrow, attention piqued.

"fine. i'll humor you."

kazuha has to admit, he underestimated how scheming izumi can be and the more she talked, the more he believed that hey, maybe it will be in his best interests to team up with this girl.

izumi gets to keep xiao, gets to brainwash him into hurting the ex he loved for so long (she says it alleviates her insecurities for some reason), and kazuha gets to be your knight in shining armor. the hero fighting against your evildoers.

it was supposed to work. it was supposed to make you fall in love over how reliable and kind kazuha has become, completely unlike the immature boy you had been with in the summer before going to university. 

but it didn't. 

izumi hums as she and kazuha sit at the same table in the café, devising another plan after their last one failed. 

"i guess we'll have to bring out the big guns. you see… i have a brother, and that same brother is the person i've heard xiao and yn used to talk about when they were still together. can you imagine that? doesn't this coincidence just send shivers of thrill down your spine? who knew the world could be so small. oh, you don't know him? his name's haruki, want me to fill you in?"

the plan is to send that psycho hot on your trail after izumi buys him out of jail. a sick game of cat and mouse, of predator and prey, carefully orchestrated for you to end up with the real predator pulling the strings in the shadows. 

it worked like a charm, it worked too well. it took months of meticulous planning before kazuha could finally reap the fruits of his labor…

and he will not let all that hard work be wasted.

— THE PRESENT

"hutao, xiangling, update?"

kazuha rolls his eyes, pulling you closer as he leans farther back on the sofa. he has you sitting on his lap, your back to his chest, the slightly overgrown blond hair tickling your temples and making you nuzzle the side of his neck nearly half asleep.

just a little more. once he finishes aiding izumi through this whole mess, he'll never have to deal with her ever again. 

"aether already dropped the pill, didn't he?" xingqiu added, stealing the walky-talky out of venti's hands. he looks agitated. "are the symptoms of the pill still not showing up?"

kazuha had never wanted to laugh so hard in his entire life.

venti talks before any of the two girls can respond, taking the walky-talky away from xingqiu. they look like little girls fighting for a doll. it's funny.

"the signs should already be showing up, though. itto said it'll take 15 minutes," venti meets kazuha's eyes, and the blond nods in confirmation. "it's been 25 minutes. izumi should be spewing shit by now!"

"venti, calm down." 

"well, xiangling says she's still sitting upright. aether hasn't given the…" hutao cuts off, her voice sounding distant. she must be speaking to xiangling and not to the walky-talky directly.

he can't help the small smile on his lips. 

"…wait! wait! hello? venti! it's all good! aether made the go signal. yn can call her now, she looks all drunk and high off those pills."

kazuha's blood froze. 

"yn can call her now! quickly!"

that can't be… but the pills! i switched the pills!

he would've woken up yn himself if he hadn't been too shell-shocked. only after kazuha had snapped out of it, did he realize xingqiu's kneeling before him to gently wake his friend up and yn was shimmying herself off kazuha's lap to grab her phone. 

"why if it isn't the princess herself! what the fuck do you want, yn?!"

you place the phone on the coffee table as soon as izumi answers and venti starts recording.

"did you have anything to do with my breakup with xiao?"

everybody winces at the witch-like laugh izumi lets out on the other end of the call. 

"me? have anything to do with your breakup? ha! of course, bitch! i mean… (hiccup) you wouldn't mind right? you guys were bound to break up anyway so what's the harm of… s-speeding things up?"

no, no, no! shut up!

"i've known xiao since… high school but you only met him in college! i have (hiccup) years over you! yet he chose such a p-plain ass bitch. so what if i did something, huh? what the fuck you gonna do?"

kazuha wants to pull his hair out. 

"and what did you do, izumi?"

"…c-considering how (hiccup) much issues he has, it wasn't really all that hard! i just showed him a picture of you sleeping with… with another man! (she laughs) oh! wait! that wasn't you! right… right, that was me! i gotta say, does he really even love you if he believed me so easily? how gullible."

oh, god. i'm gonna kill her. i'm gonna fucking kill her.

your voice shook as you asked. "what… what do you mean that it was you?"

"i don't want to tell you! maybe if you asked nicely…"

another witch-like laugh pierced your ears. 

you try your best to calm yourself down. "can you please tell me, izumi, what you mean by saying that it was you?"

she giggles. something crashes in the background. glass shattering. "well (hiccup) has it never once occurred to you that we looked similar? i mean… ha! o-obviously i'm way prettier but your hair and your body type? i daresay we look like (hiccup) twins with our backs turned. you see, i slept with some guy at a party. i even have a whole tripod set up and the guy didn't care! but… (hiccup) shh, don't worry, i made sure it's just my back seen in the picture!"

your eyes meet venti's.

"i see. so what's this i hear about venti sleeping with me? i heard you have a picture. how did you do that?"

"oh! f-fuck that little singer! i had to pay some… some guy to get him to sleep with ven-venti. shh! don't tell venti but… you see, after they had (hiccup) sex, i just draped myself all over him. of course! his face is the only thing seen… i replicated the first picture i showed xiao when i lied about you… you cheating (she giggles) i just switched up the angle a bit, you know? to… to show the m-man's face, once and for all. xiao would be none the wiser that (hiccup) it's just a recent pic, and not the one i showed in the past."

venti raced to the bathroom, nearly tripping on his feet as he threw up. well, now they're even — izumi drugged him, and he drugged izumi. 

"okay," your anger is barely contained. "so what did you do about xiao, then?"

"oh! i thought you'd never ask," her laugh is slowly getting on your nerves. "he took everything badly! (hiccup) he was so depressed, boy didn't even bother to find out the truth and ask you! he's fucking stupid that way, but i love him!… he, uh… you see he was really hurt and depressed, right? so i took him to my apartment! (hiccup) told him he can stay there for as long as he likes while he's hurting… poor boy didn't even contact his (hiccup) friends, i think? for someone who has trust-issues, he trusted me quickly! maybe we're soulmates?"

you feel the tears pricking your eyes but you don't let them fall. you didn't want to hear this part.

"xiao was… was so heartbroken that he fell ill! ah, i guess i owe it to him getting… getting all sick and gross that (hiccup) that i was able to send that text to you. truth is, he never slept with me! he was just sick, so i took my clothes off, and snapped a few fucking pictures. (she laughs) i sent you those texts! i did! me, izumi! thanks for following them, by the way… 'cause then, xiao just thought you were guilty of ch-cheating (hiccup) and you just ghosted him."

you force out a laugh as the tears freely fell across your cheeks. "you're sick, doing all that. and i suppose you helped your brother, haruki, into getting his hands on me, didn't you?"

izumi had never laughed this hard in the whole duration of your call. this laugh sounded… different. mocking. 

"oh, princess. stupid, stupid princess."

kazuha fought the urge to rip the phone out of your hands. his brain was hurting, running a hundred meters per second as he thought of a way to end the fucking call.

"(hiccup) i didn't do that… i didn't-didn't give my brother any fucking intel. do you… you wanna know who did it?"

cold sweat pools on kazuha's forehead. 

shut up, shut up, shut up! fucking shut up!

you ask the million dollar question. 

"if it wasn't you, who was it?"

the silence felt like eons for kazuha as he waited with bated breath for his inevitable doom, for his name to ring through the room and for you to look at him with betrayal written all over your face.

it was silent.

so silent, he could almost hear the blood pumping through his ears. and then it breaks and someone's speaking —

but it wasn't izumi and it wasn't through your phone.

"shit! izumi passed out! aether can't wake her up! fuck!"

it was xiangling, speaking through the walky-talky.

GOOD 4 U » previous : masterlist : next

๑ summary — lesson learned! never challenge hu tao when you're drunk bc you'll just lose and now you have to post a thread of all your exes as songs from olivia rodrigo's hit debut album sour … or: "yn desperate much!" "yn still loves xiao? yikes! doesn't he already have someone new?" "stop ruining my relationship u bitch!"

๑ notes — just to be clear, kazuha did not help izumi break yn and xiao up. that was all izumi. this wasnt proofread so tell me if you spot some mistakes here and there :> this is the last chapter for the week btw!

[nebulous-tundra]

i saw your statements on jumin being too infatuated with mc and it would stress her out- i wanted to put my two cents! (even if it’s been awhile) i’d also like to hear your opinion on just how their relationship would pan out (mostly how jumin adjusts and how crazy he gets over safety)

soo tbh it was slightly difficult with the aftermath of Jumins route because at the back of my mind i was always scared of that. ironically i used to do the same thing that mc would worry that jumin would do. i used to throw my entire being and love onto people then instinctively leave after a while. but tbh? i don’t think Jumin would do that. While yeah his infatuation is a little much, it seems this can be a contract kind of thing (jumin gives etc while mc gives support), and mc worries abt being replaceable, i don’t think so.

In my opinion his infatuation would (hopefully) lessen to more of just a love that exists? jumin IS still the most loyal person in the world. but i also know that he’s the last person to think that his wife not “contributing” enough is literally a world ender. i’ve seen this in many relationships, and they’re probably just going to shift their love into the smaller domestic things rather than the large gestures jumin would do. it’s still there, but it’s dialed back jusstt a bit. With the rika thing, genuinely would get insecure abt that so you perfectly encapsulated how this kind of mc would react tbh.

i know myself enough that if i started getting thoughts that jumin saw me as a replacement, i’d run and never come back /j. this is long, and i’m really sorry if i’m bothering you! thankyou!

crap this was the person talking abt jumin and his infatuation and i forgot to elaborate on a point. i think he would want mc to contribute but i don’t think he expects her to be a breadwinner or to like compensate for anything? like maybe this is just 12am thoughts but i believe he’d be happy with love and the effort being put in the relationship. IMSOSORRYSJSN

first of all, thank you for the response! i don't know that i would use the word contract, to me it seems more of an understanding than Jumin is xyz type of person and MC is [whatever your MC is under the confines of canon responses] and they work well together. Jumin can support in his own way and MC can support in her own way and that's exactly what works for them. i see ppl sometimes claim that MC should be working a job like Jumin does so the responsibility of money doesn't lie solely on him and so MC is "contributing" to the relationship(usually in argument that the Normal End is actually better than the Good End, i've talked about here and here why Jumin probably wouldn't want her working if it wasn't with him) but i sincerely don't think that would be an issue for him since he a.) loves his job b.) already makes way too much money doing that job and c.) money being an issue is really only applicable for middle to lower income couples where finances can be sketchy or prone to any sort of economic fluctuation. for Jumin, MC's income would be completely superfluous and unneeded, as well as taking away time he could be spending with her/calling her/chatting with her. in his mind i think MC "contributing" to their relationship is already being fulfilled more than well enough. all Jumin needed in his life was someone to see him for who he really was and love him for it, that's one of the reasons why he loves MC. plus, what with spending time with her, talking with her, being lovey dovey, eventually starting a family, he's also having all his personal desires fulfilled as well.

i can see MC feeling replaceable, not because she thinks Jumin would be happier with someone in his own tax bracket, but because to her it feels like he might only be with her because he thinks she's the best he'll get... settling, essentially. the MC i portray is someone who isn't anyone so special, she looks bland, doesn't seem to have any particular talents, and now lives in the shadow of Rika- someone's who no one has a bad thing to say about, not even the man that is going blind because of her(as MC will later find out from Jumin). i think most people would be an insecure mess being constantly compared to that, and that's before we take into account Jumin's unrequited feelings for Rika. i guess what i'm trying to say is that money and jobs isn't, hasn't been, and never will be how she "contributes" in Jumin and MC's relationship, and it's not a reason MC should feel she's replaceable in.

and.....omg i haven't even got to your original question LMAO i just wanted to get the money/job contribution thing outta the way, my answer to what i think Jumin would do as his emotions calm in the later stages of their relationship is under the cut for length lol i'm so sorry i'm like this

i said earlier i think one of the reasons Jumin loves MC -and a big component of why he's attracted to her in the first place- in that she sees him for who he is, not who he's supposed to be(think Bad End1), nor who she wants him to be(BE2). the only people Jumin has ever felt this gaze from is his dad, Jihyun, and Rika(and by extension, Elizabeth the 3rd).

Rika was special because she was the only woman among them to do so, and thus for a time occupied Jumin's heart in a way he never truly articulated until his own route. for Jumin it could only be a 'what if', and i think that's partially why he ended up investing so much in Elizabeth: he could almost perfectly live out his fantasy of Rika with out any fear of rejection, project all his ideals and on Elizabeth, and she could never disagree since, hey, cat's can't talk. i think the reason Jumin felt this love so deeply is because it was his first even remotely romantic possibility in his life up to that point, rather than him being especially attracted to Rika because of some particular quality about her aside from his perception of her perception of himself.

onto how i think this all comes together in how Jumin and MC's relationship is different and more meaningful; i think they're perfect for eachother. i think Jumin's love for MC isn't only limited to how she sees him, but how she treats him and those around her, he's said on multiple occasions how he finds particular features of hers to be cute like her ears and her sleepy eyes(even when Sarah Choi points out how mob MC looks lol), he loves how she treats him like letting him ramble about vitamin d and looking out for his emotional well being, he loves how she behaves like when she (can) threaten to beat up the people making his life difficult and (can) call him at ungodly hours of the night just to poke fun and mess around. for comparison we never really see him make comments quite like that about Rika, he just says she's kind and beautiful. on top of all of that, Jumin is the fiercely loyal type who's more than willing to keep someone in his life even if they grow to be different than how they met, he cares so much to the point he can't help it.

as an aside, him and Rika could never work out though since they're fundamentally incompatible and would likely both drive the relationship into the ground, it's also a personal belief of mine that Jumin would only stomach Rika's domestic violence to a certain degree, likely the point where she blinded V would be the point where he finally cuts off the relationship, since Jumin doesn't have the same savior complex as V.

as for his, ahem, strong emotions, they are certainly a force to be trifled with, and while i do think how he chooses to express those emotions will gradually peter out to a more reasonable level of dramatic, i still think the depth of his love for MC will remain the same as it did on his day 10, as that's just his nature.

there only real sticking point for his and MC's relationship ever ending prematurely is MC herself. particularly if she ever fell out of love with Jumin. this largely depends on how you see MC, if you're like me, she serves as a self-insert, and then the question becomes what do i see myself having an issue with. i'm also someone who runs away from attention for fear of rejection, so i can see MC subtly sabotaging her and Jumin's relationship as an expression of insecurity and fear. i can also see Jumin fighting for the relationship the second he realizes what is happening for all of the reasons above.

i think everyone has at least a small fear of being replaced, and in MC's situation that fear is more than justified, but the wonderful thing about their relationship is that so long as MC chooses to trust Jumin, that fear will never come to fruition, and once they both overcome that, they will have a long and healthy relationship until Luciel's spaceship explodes and destroys the earth. until then though, i'm gonna keep making comics about them because Jumin's cute and i want me and everyone else to live vicariously though MC(and even Jumin, to and extent, because everyone could use their own MC in their life)

anyway this post is long enough, thank you sm for giving me a reason to ramble away, feel free to send any more thoughts my way >:3c

[youbloodymadgenius]

Crashing Waves (Modern!Ivar x reader)

A/N: This is my entry to @waiting4inspiration's 9K Multiple of 3 Challenge 🌺 Congrats again, love!

Prompt 16: Something red / High heels / A quiet place

@geekandbooknerd - thank you, darling, you're a wonderful beta 💖

Let me know if you want to be tagged 😊

Divider by @firefly-graphics

Summary: Bringing Ivar back to the place - Ragnar's hunting cabin - of his greatest failure seems pretty bold. Yet you are sure of your plan. It will work. And you will prove him wrong.

Warnings: smut; use of a cock ring; mention of Ivar's insecurities; no real plot.

Words: 2881

Sitting on the bed, Ivar swallows loudly, digging fingernails into his palms. "Why did you bring me here, Y/N? What are we doing here?" You watch the muscles in his jaw clenching and flexing as he grinds his teeth. You know he's trying very hard to control his anger.

Taking two steps towards him, you cup his face, "This is a quiet place," lean forward and your mouth grazes his cheek and then his earlobe. "You know how much I love quiet places."

"You love quiet places? Are you fucking kidding me??" Seething with anger, he gives you dagger eyes. "Of all the possible places, you really had to choose this one? This fucking cabin? You fucking know this is not just any quiet place."

Kneeling down in front of him – a task nearly impossible with your six-inch stilettos – you place your hands on the bed, on either side of his hips. Reaching up, your thumb strokes his cheekbone, your face peering up at him. "I know, my love."

Of course, you do.

You know exactly what Ragnar's hunting cabin means to your lover. You know what happened here – or rather what didn't. You know about his failure. You know everything because one night he told you, between sobs, and after way too much Akvavit. And that's exactly why you're here tonight.

"Why, then?" His knuckles white, he asks through clenched teeth, averting his gaze.

"Because," things are clear to you, so you don't hesitate, "it's time to start making some new memories, my love." Your right hand grabs his left and you intertwine his fingers with yours. "And because it's time I prove you wrong."

Ivar ducks his head down, unable to look you in the eye. His voice barely a whisper, you realize he is shaking. "I… You know I…", he releases a shuddering breath, his gaze finding yours, "I can't…"

The sharpness in his voice is gone, replaced by… despair… And the way he looks at you… Gods… His wide eyes are filled with fear, confusion and… tears? It's almost enough to persuade you to back off.

But no. You won't.

"I don't know that, my love. I only know what you told me." Carefully placing your hands on his thighs, you tilt your head to the side. There are a thousand questions in his eyes and he seems hurt, and self-conscious. Oh no, you won't allow him to go down this path. "Listen to me. I was not lying, Ivar – I never lied to you – with your dexterous fingers and your skilled tongue, you can pleasure a woman. You pleasure me each and every time, never doubt that. But I want more. For you more than for me."

"But… what…" He wraps his fingers around your right hand, squeezing it so tight it hurts, but you don't complain, not when you can almost feel the panic coursing through his veins, so you just keep looking at him, with a smile on your lips and love in your eyes. "What if it doesn't work? What if… I can't get it up long enough like… like with… with Margrethe…"

"Oh Ivar, stop dwelling on this old story, will you? You were so young, my love, still a boy. And she was just a girl. A girl you didn't have feelings for. A girl who didn't love you." Gently grabbing his chin, you bring his mouth to yours for a soft, light kiss. "I am in love with you, Ivar. And I know you're in love with me. That, my love, makes a huge difference. Plus, you're no longer a boy… And, as for myself, tell me the truth, my love… " You stand up and then slowly take off your long, black trench coat. "Do I look like a girl?"

The second Ivar sees what's under the coat, his mouth falls open. Gaping and gawking, he's literally gobsmacked. If you're being honest, that's what you were aiming for when you chose that red dress. Red is his favorite color and well, the dress fits like a glove and shows off every curve you've got. As he stares at you, his eyes wide open, you're pleasantly surprised to see more lust than fear, or worry, or anger in his gaze.

"So, do I look like a girl?" You ask once again, flashing him a cheeky smile while making your way between his thighs. Your hand grazes his crotch, but Ivar doesn't seem to notice, too entranced – mesmerized – by the sight in front of him.

"No," Ivar shakes his head and clears his throat but his voice is still hoarse when he speaks again, "No, you look like a fucking goddess."

"Then, you should help your goddess with the zipper." You pull away just enough to turn around and the next moment Ivar's hands are on you, roaming over your waist and back. He slowly unzips your dress, then slides his hands over your shoulders and down your arms to remove it. "Fuck!" Ivar gasps as your dress falls to the floor, and you can hear him swallowing. "You're… you're naked."

"That I am." You turn your head just in time to see him licking his lips. His nostrils are flaring, his pupils are dilated, and the bulge in his pant is unmistakable. Good.

"Take off your clothes and then scoot over and lie down." You order, stepping out of your dress but keeping your stilettos on. Ivar barely nods, but starts unbuttoning his shirt.

Crossing the room completely naked, you can feel his intense gaze on you and as you bend down to pick up your purse, your butt on display, he makes a sound, a cross between a whimper and a groan. "Gods, woman!" He whines when you slowly come back, swaying your hips, your hand grazing his feet before putting your purse right next to him and dimming the lights.

Ivar, a white sheet covering his lower body, watches your every move, and even if his arousal is obvious, you can tell he's still scared, or at the very least, a little wary.

Kicking your shoes off, you climb onto the bed and straddle him. Careful not to put your full weight on him, you lean forward, placing a soft kiss on his lips.

"Y/N, what are you planning to do?" His strained voice betrays his sudden anxiety.

Smiling, you brush his cheek. "Do you trust me, Ivar?"

"It's not about trust but about what I can or–" He starts but you stop him, a finger on his mouth. You then flatten your palms on his chest and soon your hands are venturing down. You explore the lines of his torso, tracing left and right across the ridges in his abdomen. Gods, you love his body! When your fingers come across the thin trail of hair leading lower, you tilt your head, your hand slipping under the sheet. Ivar's breath hitches in his throat as your hand meets his now half-hard cock.

"Answer me, Ivar, do you trust me?"

"Yes." Ivar breathes out his answer and, reaching out, he runs his hands up your ribs to your breasts. "You know I do." He doesn't have to say it for you to know he's referring to his legs. You know them; you're allowed to see and touch them and you know how big a deal it is to him. He does trust you.

"Then trust me, one more time, please. Trust me on this."

As you draw a finger up to the head of his cock and back down the underside, tracing a line around his balls, Ivar lets out a hiss, followed by a groan when you wrap your hand around him.

All of a sudden, he grabs your wrist, preventing you to move. "You know I can't…"

"Love, you're hard." Since you can't really move your hand, you squeeze your fingers around him to prove your point. You're rewarded by a deep, involuntary, grunt, but the next thing you know, Ivar is swaying his head from side to side. "It won't… last… long enough…" His words are barely audible; you know the admission kills him. And you know he's convinced that it is an unavoidable truth. Because that's exactly what happened with Margrethe.

"It will, my love. Have faith in yourself. And if you can't do that, then have faith in me."

Slowly, using your free hand, you unwrap his fingers from your wrist, your eyes never leaving his. Once he releases his grip, you give him a wicked smile and then scoot back farther while pulling down the sheet. Pushing his legs apart with care, you settle between them, reaching for his cock.

And then, you swallow him down and start to suck. Ivar gasps and pants, hissing breaths through his teeth. You know he never experienced anything like this. No one has never done that for him, and there's a sense of pride blooming in your chest knowing you're the one offering him so much pleasure.

Peeking up, you see your lover, propped up on his elbows, who looks at you as you really were a goddess. He's getting harder and harder, squirming underneath you. Pulling back reluctantly, you give him a sultry look, not missing how confused and… disappointed he looks.

"What… Why? I … Oh fuck… I think… Y/N… I… I was…" He stutters, struggling to gather his thoughts. You have to remind yourself of his reality. Your lover never had an orgasm.

"You were close, yes, I know, Ivar. And I promise you're going to come. But I want you to come inside me, my love."

Ivar swallows. "But…" Eyes darting all over the place, you know he's once again overcome with self-doubt.

"There's no buts, love." You cut him off, reaching out and then scrabbling around in your purse. When you find what you were looking for, you hold it triumphantly in front of you. "There's no buts because of this."

Ivar frowns, confused. "What's that?"

"A cock ring, my love. And well," you add, grabbing a small tube, "some lube too."

"A what?" Bewildered, Ivar sits up in the bed, but you push gently on his chest.

You did some research. The cock ring will help him maintain his erection. Not that he physically needs it – you're sure he doesn't – but emotionally, it's a different story. But since you don't want him to have time to rethink what you're about to do – and because you wouldn't want to waste such an impressive erection – you're not going to give him a lecture on cock rings right now.

"I'll explain later, love. It won't harm you; I promise. Trust me with this, Ivar, please."

When he nods – shyly, tentatively and almost sheepishly – you don't waste any more time and pour a small amount of lube into your hand. He gasps as soon as you wrap a slick hand around his still hard cock. Setting the lube aside, you slide the ring down his cock.

"Does it hurt?" Looking closely at his face for any sign of discomfort, you slowly run your hands up his thighs, and as he shakes his head no, you straddle him once more without ever breaking eye contact.

Ivar can barely breathe and doesn't even dare to blink. He can't believe it. Fuck, he can't. This is happening. This is fucking happening. He's rock-hard, harder than he has ever been and he feels like his pounding heart is going to burst.

Earlier, the warmth of your wet mouth on his dick felt insanely good. Your lips wrapped around him, your hand holding him, your eyes filled with an equal amount of lust and love… It has been almost too much, and heavenly as the same time. He would have wanted it to never end and had resented you for a moment when you had released his cock. But it doesn't matter, not anymore, not when you're just about–

"Aaaaaaaaah!" He closes his eyes, the new sensation incredible, otherworldly, overwhelming. He's dying. Or maybe he's already dead. He can't grasp what's happening, or what he's feeling. It's magic, like nothing he's ever felt before. His head is spinning and tears are welling up in his eyes. This… This must be Valhalla; it can't be anything else. Gods…

And then a distant voice brings him back to the here and now. "Ivar, look at me, my love." It takes him several seconds to understand that it is your voice, and that he's the one you're talking to.

Slowly, very slowly and almost reluctantly, because a part of him believes that what he's experiencing is nothing but a dream, he finally opens his eyes. What a glorious sight! You, the woman he loves, are sitting atop him, looking down at him as if he were the eighth wonder of the world. And you're… he's… fuck.

"I'm… Ah… Y/N… I'm…" He can't even form a coherent sentence but it doesn't matter, because you're so beautiful, because your face is radiant with love, because you definitely are a goddess. And because you know what he's trying to say.

"Yes, my love, you're inside me. And you're hard, and you're not hurting me. It feels so good, Ivar. You feel so good… Your home, my love…" Bending forward and weaving your fingers through his hair, you kiss him as you begin to move. He's at loss for what to do, and it doesn't matter, and there's fireworks in his heart, and you're fucking right, he's home. You're his home. His.

His hands on your thighs, he looks at you and you're so fucking beautiful it takes his breath away. And the feeling of you, wet and throbbing around his cock, is the most amazing thing he's ever felt.

Sitting upright, your back arches as you widen your legs. Your heat engulfing him, he stares at you, bewitched. You're riding him, hard, gasping, moaning, praising, your skin glistening with sweat.

Fuck.

The powerful thrusts of your hips coax his body to a place he's never been before. The sounds of your lovemaking are filling the room… The suction when he slides out of you; the slap of his balls against you when he goes deep. Your grunts. Your pantings. His breaths.

"Oh fuck… it's… oh gods..." You begin to move faster and he keeps his eyes on you. You don't shy away from his scrutiny, holding eye contact as you bounce on him. His hands now cup your ass cheeks, pulling you against him, and then they find your hips, guiding you. He's going to make you come, like a man. Like a whole man. He's going to make you come because he's inside you. The thought is exhilarating, intoxicating.

"Ivar, I'm close!" The way your eyes are half-lidded and lust drunk as you breathe out his name is the most erotic thing he's ever seen. When you begin to lose your rhythm, your moans morph to keening cries and finally you shout and he gasps and you cry out his name as you clamp around him, throwing your head back. The rush of your heat surrounding his cock is overpowering, prodigious, and he thinks he may be losing his mind.

Struggling to catch your breath and still trembling, you kiss him deeply, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. He groans when you lift off him but your hand finds his cheek, caressing it. "I want you to come, and you won't come with the cock ring around your cock, love." Your skilled fingers hastily removing it, you toss the ring on the floor and then you straddle him once again, sliding down his cock.

The tingling deep in his balls is nearly immediate and he's sure he's never felt this good. He kisses you like he's starving, and in some ways he's. His hands slide over your breasts, your hips rocking, and you're so fucking beautiful he can't believe his eyes. "I love you so much…" He manages to croak in a shallow breath.

And suddenly everything explodes and he loses track of where you end and he begins, and if you answer he doesn't hear it. His ears ring and his hips thrust up against yours and his whole-body shudders violently, once; twice; more. And then his eyes flutter shut as he comes, wave after wave after wave, until he feels disoriented and light-headed, his hot, thick seed flooding your pussy, and it's so powerful it's like a fucking earthquake.

When his whole body goes limp, he lets out a soft whimper as you rest your head on his chest only to reach up and toy with his hair.

When you look up at him, he's sure the whirlwind of his emotions is obvious on his face, but he doesn't care, just like he doesn't care about his tear-filled eyes, or his crooked legs. Truth be told, for the first time in his life, he doesn't give a damn about his legs. For the first time in his life, he feels whole and worthy. For the first time in his life, he feels like the happiest man on Earth.

And that could well be the greatest gift you, Y/N, the goddess of replaced memories, could ever give him.

He loves you.

🛡⚔️🛡

@waiting4inspiration @honestsycrets @lisinfleur @saldelys @gearhead66 @inforapound @readsalot73 @milkkygirls @xbellaxcarolinax @shannygoatgruff @zuxiezendler @a-mess-of-fandoms @hecohansen31 @lonewolf471 @ivarthebloodyking @fuckindiva @tgrrose @didiintheblog @peachyboneless @funmadnessandbadassvikings @ethereallysimple @destynelseclipsa @cocovikings23 @pieces-by-me @xceafh @mrsalwayswrite @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie @pomegranates-and-blood

[etheriadearie]

“Promise”

Why can't you just… Promise ?

Today's goal is an in-depth look at one of the most beautiful and breathtaking episodes of She-ra: "Promise"

Storywise, it's incredibly important to the series, and focuses entirely on Catradora. It's the first time since Adora left Catra behind to seek out the sword that the girls really have an opportunity to talk, and things are not going well. Both of them are royally pissed off at the other, with good reason.

For Adora, we're gonna deflate that proud hair poof of hers a bit, as we'll take an honest look at her as a person at this point in her life. And Catra... she's really guarding her feelings closely, as she's already deeply angry with Adora. But we will use the combination of Catra's younger self in the memories they see, plus looking at other times in the series that relate to this episode, where she was less guarded, in order to understand her as a person at this time. Also: warning: tl;dr, best enjoyed while cozy with a drink..

To get started, we skip to when they end up stuck together…

After Adora takes drastic measures to ward off the security spiders by collapsing the tunnel, the girls are now stuck together, and so… they talk...

We immediately see how incredibly irritated they are with each other as Adora chides Catra for being in the Crystal Castle, since the monsters will continue to attack them as long as she's protecting Catra… only to have Catra retort that she didn't ask for protection. Some snippy bickering back and forth happens, then...

Adora asks: "Does Shadow Weaver know you're here?" Very deadpan assertion from Adora. She knows Catra must be disobeying orders, she just doesn't know why.

"I'd say Shadow Weaver has bigger problems right now". Catra is already starting her move against SW back at the Horde. With SW abusively blocking her every move within the Horde, and now that Catra knows that SW was going to mind wipe Adora, Catra has decided she must deal with her abuser.

Adora puts on her telltale sideways grin, and Catra chafes at Adora's flirtation, saying "I told you it's not because I like you” downplaying Adora’s suggestion that this was the reason she let her go. Catra freely admits here that she does like Adora, but it's not the real reason she did it. Still, Catra doesn't explain further, and we see later that Catra often lets Adora explain away her actions this way... but that Adora constantly misses the deeper truths.

"Where are your new best friends? I thought you did everything together". She's very snarky and dismissive of Adora and her flirting. She's mad about Adora leaving her for her new life.

"The ones you let SW imprison and curse?" Adora is angry at Catra for what she did, which was a sudden escalation of things by Catra.

"Yeah obviously, what other friends would I be talking about?" An obvious dig at Adora for leaving her, everything behind. She deadpans this, staring back plainly. Catra is obviously really angry at Adora... while Adora is legitimately mad at Catra for doing something so nasty to Bow and Glimmer...

::Let's take a moment to talk about Catra's feelings about Adora's new friends: Catra feels horribly betrayed by this. Adora completely tossed her aside, and replaced her with Bow and Glimmer. What comes to mind is at the end of Sea Gate, Catra is thrown in the water and then looks up at Adora, who is celebrating and cuddling with Bow and Glimmer. Catra is emotionally forlorn watching this, as Scorpia comes to drag her off to safety, Adora doesn't even look back towards her.

She's forgotten, Adora showed no love towards her at all in that scene (and then hardly any at Princess Prom, either). Adora ignored her plea for her to return, she didn't reach out to Catra at all. And now she watches her cuddle with her new friends: everything Catra thought she had with Adora meant nothing, and she's been replaced with these feel goodie goods who are fawning all over Adora.

Suffice to say, Catra couldn't do this, she's got way too many issues with emotional intimacy and touch aversion. So she watches Adora, seeing that what she offered her wasn't good enough, knowing because of it she's forgotten. Catra was trying really hard to be a close friend to Adora in spite of her issues, but as we will see, Adora wasn't trying to understand what was going on with Catra. And because of this, Catra was too afraid to express her affection openly, and yet here's Adora... accepting all of Bow and Glimmer’s love, for which Adora really did nothing to earn. Adora took Catra’s friendship for granted while ignoring her deeper needs, as will be explained, then completely abandons her, not even seeming to miss her. Catra is deeply hurt by the unfairness of this.

>Catra stares back at Adora, frustrated when she doesn't even acknowledge their lost friendship.

"Well, we don't need to go together. You do your weird little magic quest thing I'll find my own way out". Catra looks resentfully at the sword on Adora's back as she says this. Catra is laying down boundaries, except it's useless since they are trapped together. But, boundaries are important to Catra and as the episode progresses, Adora shows that she doesn't really understand Catra's.

>As they walk along, both girls' shadows loom equally tall. The symbolism is that in this story, both are equally important... it's also a shockingly beautiful sequence. (pic above)

After entering the room of infinite darkness, Catra tries to separate from Adora but the door is gone, they are stuck together. Weird things start happening. As the Fright Zone appears, both of them are confused. Adora decides to suspect Catra, after all, she attacked her friends. But as Adora grabs Catra, Catra is surprised and confused... Catra doesn't like being touched unexpectedly, Adora knows this but is ignoring that and attacking her. She gets treated as an enemy when she clearly hasn't done anything wrong, and it sets the tone for the two of them: Adora has constantly treated Catra as an enemy since the very moment she defected, not even trying to understand Catra's point of view. And so Catra increasingly emotionally distances herself from Adora. Catra angrily casts Adora's arm aside, not liking being vilified by her, and Adora doesn't understand why Catra is so upset. Catra slips away to explore, needing space from her.

The way Adora immediately suspects and then attacks Catra is symbolic to the whole episode: by defecting to the Rebellion, Adora chose to start treating Catra, and her entire unit, as enemies, backing it up with hostility. But Catra doesn't really agree that the horde is evil... in her experience, it's just how life is.

>The two girls, now separated, call out to each other. Adora hears Catra's call, then another: young Catra is behind her, looking lost and insecure. Catra joins Adora as their first memory has just begun…

~DISCLAIMER TIME~ A lot of information in She-ra is inferred by emotional context, so if this seems a bit head-canon-y, I assure you, I have data! Please ask questions and seek clarifications, I promise to answer back! ~EtheriaDearie

>A worried and hurt young Catra runs to young Adora's side. She is emotional and needs support. Adora checks her out then gets the real deal: Catra was in a fight with an adult. It hints that Catra always had to deal with people messing with her, even before SW began her abuse. This is a guess, but it's probable: this is likely a happy memory of the two of them right before the hurting began. Along with the "promise" memory and the moments immediately preceding their entering the Black Garnet chamber, these scenes set the baseline for what their friendship was like before Catra suffered SW’s abuse. Also, this memory is a happy one, and how Adora remembers their friendship: it was likely triggered by her memories. The next ones are not, as I believe they are triggered by Catra, who is trying to explain to Adora what was so painful about their childhood...

>Catra doesn't know what to expect when she shows Octavia to Adora. She probably expects Adora to try to apologize on her behalf, or to give her a hard time about what she did. Instead, Adora sticks with her friend and yells “Hey Octavia, you're a dumbface." This brings young Catra much joy, Adora is sticking with her, not passing judgement. The two young girls run together hand in hand, experiencing childhood bliss, but it doesn't last. The present versions of themselves return, holding hands...

They share a brief moment of connection before Catra pulls her hand away in anger. Adora is surprised at the strength of Catra’s reaction. They are not on intimate terms any more, in fact, I suspect they had been struggling for a while before Adora's defection. Adora doesn't want the moment to stop, but Catra does. It hints that the gulf between them is already wide.

"How can you deal with all this magic stuff?" Catra has a deep distrust of magic, as it was used in her abuse. She resents it, and throughout the series whenever anything magic happens that she doesn't see coming she gets creeped out.

"I'm only dealing with it because I need to figure out how to heal Glimmer after someone got her cursed." It's a valid criticism, but Catra deflects it.

"What do you want? An apology? You're not getting one." We don't get the full story on this moment until season 5 when a young Catra tells Adora she'll "never say sorry to anybody, ever." Adora doesn't like Catra just refusing to explain, and as Catra pushes her away, Catra is full of reproach at Adora's judgement.

::As an abused child, Catra was continuously vilified and abused by everyone but Adora. And when Adora would suggest she apologize throughout their lives, she can't understand why Catra won't. It comes down to literally everyone in the world judging Catra and being cruel. Not once did any of them apologize to her, even though she didn't do anything to deserve the abuse. Except Adora... but that has issues, too. In fact, SW literally tells her "I won't apologize" regarding her abuse of Catra. Can you imagine the hurt at that?

[pic caption: Catra refuses to apologize, Catra often shows her deeper emotions while blinking, in this case: the incredible pain she experienced from SW’s abuse.]

So no, Catra won't apologize, she had a thing she was trying to do by kidnapping Bow and Glimmer and taking her sword, and it ended badly. But she felt she had a good reason to do it: she wanted to force Adora to see her, to make her acknowledge how big of a part of Adora’s life Catra used to be. And it's not like anyone has been helping Catra, she's had to make every single decision on her own her entire life and live with the consequences.

Also, mistakes for Catra have an entirely different meaning than they do for Adora. Whenever Adora made a mistake, she was given an opportunity to fix it. This is a theme of their relationship: Adora expects Catra to let her fix her mistakes. But for Catra, she learned that any mistake she made was dangerous, as when she did make a mistake, SW would torture her for it. And if other people saw it too, they'd use it to perpetuate the notion that she's some kind of no good fuck up. So Catra is extremely careful to not make mistakes, and if she does, she tries to cover it up, distance herself from it. (note: this isn't the same as Catra's intentional rebellions against this system where she was unfairly targeted for abuse-). This is why Catra simply cannot forgive Adora easily for breaking her promise: in Catra's world, she had to be perfect, or she could have been dead by SW's hand. She wasn't allowed to make mistakes like Adora is, she is what is clinically known as 'hyper vigilant' and always preparing for the worst. And so she applies this standard to be perfect all the time to Adora, and therefore she won't give Adora the same license to make mistakes with their friendship. Catra thinks Adora should know better, and see the consequences of her actions.

>Adora lets it go: when Catra seems to shut down, Adora does her best to try to accept her. Adora tries a different track. She asks Catra why she let her and Glimmer go when SW had them imprisoned, when it could have resulted in Catra getting in trouble. Catra walks ahead, trying to distance herself from having to answer. But the magic of the Crystal Castle intervenes: as Adora slips and begins to fall, Catra saves her. It's a symbolic moment: Catra has always tried to protect Adora, to save her from pain. It's why she changed course to give the sword back to her, partly.

"Did you really think I'd just let SW erase your memory like that?"

"I don't know. Probably." Adora shows such little understanding of their friendship. It shows Adora really is thinking of Catra as an enemy, not as the complicated person stuck between protecting her friend, and the cruel necessities of her life.

Catra looks at Adora with disappointment. "Yeah, well, you never did have too much faith in me." Adora tries to understand Catra's emotions, fails.

"Huh, can you blame me?" Ouch. Adora smiles at Catra, trying to show love for her roguish quirks. But it just shows how little Adora understands: she is repeating a negative stereotype of Catra that everyone in their old life believes and perpetuates. And Adora should know better, instead of just assuming the worst about her. That persona is one which Catra uses to protect herself, partly from her own emotional feelings, but also as a necessity to protect herself from SW. She had to act like she doesn't care, doesn't try, so SW wouldn't see her power.

"Psh, not really." As Catra turns away, again she deadpans this but you can see pain and disappointment leaking past her indifference.

As she walks away she trails her tail across Adora's hand, flirting and drawing Adora's attention to her butt. It's a cute little moment of telling a truth to counter the lie: 'Adora, you should know me better, and also, I like you.' Still, it's only a half truth: Catra couldn't let SW win because SW is Catra's true enemy. But, Adora takes the flirtatious hint, as always. She accepts it and doesn't dig deeper.

Catra asks Adora about their childhood, trying to understand how Adora could just throw it all away. Adora gives a very direct and impassioned speech, she looks Catra in the eyes, trying to convince her and make her understand why leaving was the right thing to do. Catra hides her emotions, weighing Adora's answer. She doesn't agree with her sentiment, in Catra's experience good and evil are relative and exist as such everywhere. Also, she's right: we meet many people in the Horde who aren't evil. And Adora's finding the sword is one giant sinister manipulation by Light Hope. Moral grayness is a constant theme in this show. Still, this isn't really why Catra chooses to stay with the Horde.

Adora sees her explanation failing to convince Catra, so she tries reminding Catra of their deeper friendship, telling her she misses her too. Catra is temporarily taken aback at being called out before remembering to deny it. She tells Adora to get over herself, and Adora tells her she won't stop until Catra says she likes her. They flirtatiously rough house, and Catra smiles during it: yeah, she does. But she denies it anyways.

::Adora often tries to be respectful of Catra's personal space but is making an exception here: she's telling her that she finds her desirable, and if Catra wanted it, they could be together. Adora can't understand why Catra feels the need to resist this, but she knows doing it helps her friend feel wanted. Still, this shows how casually Adora views their attraction.

Yes, they should be together. And actually, they had an unspoken agreement that they would be. But Catra's not going to open herself up to that just to serve her desire. She wants more from Adora, for Adora to show her that she really does see her, and cares about her. If she did, maybe Catra could open up about some of her pain. Being intimate without doing that would be impossible, and so far Catra's life still isn't safe enough to risk her feelings. Adora's promotion could have meant the beginning of something new between them, where they worked together to build a more secure future together where Catra didn't have to be fearful all the time. But instead, Adora left her.

So begins the second memory. The two girls, now teenagers, compete against each other in sparring. It's clear they are flirting, and neither is fighting all out. When Catra taunts Adora by putting her finger to her forehead, she shows how much better she is at fighting. She full heartedly laughs, Adora enjoys this and then throws a purposefully weak strike to restart the fight. When Adora seemingly turns the tables through brute force, Catra plays hurt to exploit Adora's naiveness. As Adora tries to show concern, Catra turns the tables back. She wants to teach Adora a lesson: that not everyone will play fair, as Catra knows all too well from SW's abuse. But Lonnie interrupts her. Catra doesn't appreciate this and makes quick work of Lonnie, showing just how good she is. Adora attacks, getting the predetermined win. Catra doesn't enjoy the beat down but accepts Adora's help up. She heads to Lonnie as Adora receives compliments from their commander.

As Catra confronts Lonnie, she tells Catra "you were playing dirty, I was just leveling the field". Catra will hear these words again when she leaves Adora behind in frustration near the end of the episode. They are significant: these are stereotypical views forced on Catra, and those views ignore that Catra was just doing something she felt was important: teaching Adora about the harsh realities that exist in the world. Real enemies don't play by the rules, and will be unpredictable.

As Catra’s anger rises at this, Adora puts her hand on Catra's shoulder to calm her down, then compliments Catra on her fighting skills. Catra ever so casually tosses the comforting hand aside. She's saying 'I can handle my emotions without your help, but thanks for asking.' As she tells Adora she let her win, Adora tries to tell if Catra really is ok.

Thus starts one of cutest exchanges between the two of them: as Catra tries to explain why she lets Adora win, Adora puts on her sideways 'you like me' grin while she playfully denies that Catra let her win. Catra gives a very animated and obviously made up explanation about not wanting to have people expect things from her. Adora grins along, and halfway through her lie Catra leans in, staring at Adora's lips before looking up into her eyes. Once again, Catra is undoing a lie by telling a truth: she let her win because she likes (loves) her. But it's only a half truth, once again...

Adora accepts the explanation, keeping her sideways grin: 'it's so cute how you like me'. Catra's explanation done, Adora moves on, wanting to catch up with their unit. Catra lets her do so while excusing herself. As Adora leaves, a huge amount of meaningful information passes across Catra's face…

First, Catra feels bad about having to lie to Adora, and it shows. Then, as Adora leaves to socialize, disappointment and rejection shows: Catra had hoped Adora might look deeper, and try to see the deeper truth. As Adora turns away and leaves we see a look of total love and adoration on Catra's face. She really, really loves Adora. She's the light of her life, a real idiot no doubt but Catra will always love her for exactly who she is.

The girls remain their younger selves as the rest of the memory plays out, Adora staying to accept praise while Catra separates to deal with her internal feelings which Adora always fails to see: the hurt and aloneness she feels.

>A frustrated young Catra cries, expressing her repressed emotions. It would be easiest to assume she cries because she's sad about losing, but we have to look ahead to the next memory to find the real truth.

Catra is sad because she never had a choice. SW took that choice from her, and while Catra is happy to let Adora win because of the love she feels for her, it hurts that she never really got to decide. And Adora doesn't see that, doesn't see the pain Catra is bearing, hiding. And so she cries for that, too. The one person who should love her doesn't really see her. As she looks up in the mirror to see herself, since no one else in her life seems to see her pain, she sees her present tearful self looking back. The pain of the past is real in the present, and while she's older now and won't let herself give in to tears, she feels the pain as she did back then. (pic 1, below) She sees the tears and it snaps her back to her present self, totally unnerved by the simulation as the security detects her and attacks. A fearful Catra screams, wanting help, wanting Adora.

>Adora snaps back to herself, having been participating in the replay of the memory post Catra excusing herself. She tries to run to help Catra, full of worry. She sees a terrified Catra trapped by the spider. As the spider begins to drag her away the two girls lock arms, trying to free Catra. But it's too strong, and as we see their grip start to slip, Catra looks to Adora wanting, pleading for help. As Catra is pulled away, Adora feels helpless, knowing she couldn't help her friend. She thumps her head in frustration that she wasn't there for Catra.

The scene speaks to an obvious truth: Adora has never quite been there enough for Catra. She's always less present, less aware of Catra's reality than she could have been. But since Catra was experiencing a painful memory when this happened, her reaction shows her vulnerable emotional state, and so she called out for help: Catra just wants to feel safe, for Adora to be there to help her. But she wasn't.

>As Catra is dragged away, she feels helpless, and calls out mournfully for Adora. But she's long gone; Catra is alone and scared, as usual. She screams out her frustration, the realization that she’s never gotten the help she needed, she always ends up alone. She cries tears for the suffering and anguish she feels from that. (pic 2, below) It’s a moment that shows us the real inner Catra: She feels deeply, whether it be her desire to be seen, loved by Adora, or the fear she feels in this moment and others. She tries her best to act confident in herself, but it's a lie: she needs support, yet is left behind by everyone, including Adora. She was willing to bear her pain for Adora's love, but she has become increasingly aware of how tenuous that really was growing up.

>Catra digs deep, like she's always done. She will handle this, won't take the abuse lying down. She shifts her mentality to being the survivor, the person who has survived years of abuse. She frees herself and gets to her feet, accessing her foe, determined to defeat it. She attacks, using her anger to deal damaging blows, seeking to destroy her enemy, to make sure she survives. She stands back, confident she's won, proud of herself for it. She doesn't quit, she always perseveres against those who want to destroy her. (pic 3)

Adora shows up, finishing the monster. Catra doesn't drop her mentality, this person who has lived a separate life from Adora and survived on her own, doing the hard things like winning fights and resisting Shadow Weaver's abuse.

Adora walks forward, seeing Catra's anger, determination. She looks blankly, trying not to upset Catra. She's trying to get a read on Catra but not having any luck, so she's being cautious. She asks if Catra is ok, casually pulling webbing off Catra's shoulder, trying to exist in her physical space without upsetting Catra further. "I had it" says Catra, not dropping her fighter stance, mentality at all. Catra is very much feeling the aloneness of her life from everyone, including Adora.

Adora tries to casually put aside Catra's assertion that she had it, she smiles diplomatically. She tries again to touch Catra, to break down her animosity and get her to calm down. It doesn't work. "We need to make sure we stick together from now on." As Adora touches Catra, she tenses, uncomfortable. Catra has strong touch aversion, and Adora knows this but she also knows doing it sometimes helps Catra shift her mentality, so she's trying to get Catra to connect emotionally, to get her to accept care.

"Will you stop telling me what to do?" An exasperated Catra says. We see a look of total dismay cross Adora's face. She's not understanding why Catra has so much animosity in this moment. (pic below)

As Adora looks at Catra, she hunches her body, looking misunderstood and isolated. Adora has consistently failed to see Catra's emotional states and so Catra is feeling more and more apart; that the mentality of the survivor she's feeling now is the right one. Adora didn't really help her at all growing up, and she doesn't see her for who she really is, either. Adora always took the easy explanation, like saying that Catra did things for her because she liked her. Never looking deeper, trying to see her struggle. And so Catra doesn't drop her combative pose, she stays in it because she feels in control, less vulnerable.

As for the words "stop telling me what to do", that's an essay in itself but consider: just now Adora became frustrated when she lost Catra, and now tells her they need to stay together. But they didn't, they never did, and even when they are together Adora is no real help to Catra. So she reacts in anger to Adora trying to direct her. After all, in the next scene we will see that Adora leads Catra into danger, and then doesn't really help her as she gets abused. Adora is no great leader, not according to Catra's experience.

::Adora is having a total loss, here, as she tries to understand Catra, why she's angry at her: It's because she has never really known this 'survivor' side of Catra. Adora wants to comfort her and calm her down, but Catra isn't having it. I think this is when we first see Adora begin to realize that there is something is very wrong with her friend that she has completely failed to see, and she's deeply worried by it. (pic 2)

[pic cation: Adora can't read Catra's emotions, Adora realizes Catra is deeply angry. Outside SW’s chamber, Adora wants to take Catra’s hand.]

Adora loves Catra, but can't seem to get through to her: Catra is holding herself apart from Adora. Again, Catra pushes Adora's hand aside, frustrated. She expresses her exasperation at the situation, saying she's sick of what's going on. Adora follows along, confused. As Catra seemingly purposefully leaves her behind, Adora demands to know what Catra's problem is, saying that she was trying to save her. Catra looks down at her confrontationally, frustrated with Adora's lack of vision. "For the last time, I don't need you to save me. I've been doing just fine on my own. No thanks to you." Uh oh.

The words "no thanks to you" are especially cutting. Adora has totally failed to see the struggles Catra had all her life, she didn't understand the hurt and abuse Catra was fighting against. And so Catra did it all on her own, protecting herself and trying to remain strong. Her love of Adora might have helped her have hope, but fundamentally Catra overcame the abuse by not giving up on herself, believing she had worth, and not letting others tear her down.

Adora runs to Catra's side, taking her arm in one hand. Feeling her friend becoming increasingly distant from her, Adora tries authentically telling Catra her feelings, hoping to make her friend see her desire to help and understand her. Adora explains that she's sorry for leaving and that she did it because she couldn't stand the war the Horde has pursued. Her next words are telling: "but I never wanted to leave you". 'Want' is an important word in this series, and it comes up again in season 5 when Catra asks Adora "what do you want, Adora?”. By choosing to leave the Horde, Catra feels that Adora wanted that more than she wanted what they had together. Also, promises are not something you're supposed to break over a 'want'. And Adora so casually breaking their promises makes Catra think she doesn't matter to Adora. It's not the truth, but this belief still determines her reaction in this moment. Even though Adora dearly loves Catra, including at this point in the story, she hasn't shown it in a way that Catra can see as meaningful. As Adora finishes saying this, Catra looks back, feeling alone and unwanted, seemingly thinking 'but you did leave me, Adora.'

Adora tries to appeal to Catra to join the rebellion with her. Then she says "I know you're not a bad person, Catra. You don't belong with the Horde." Catra must be thinking 'Ok so at what point did you become the authority on whether someone is good or bad, Adora?' Adora has shown no interest in understanding Catra's position, she treated her as an enemy without fail since she left her, literally in every single case including at Princess Prom when Catra was trying so hard to romance her. And Catra doesn't accept Adora's naive black and white view of the world. Think about it: when Adora defects she begins treating all Horde with hostility, including her dearest friend, she judges them all and doesn’t even try to see them as the complicated people that they are. So when she suggests Catra doesn't belong with the Horde, Catra looks back at her, feeling totally isolated from Adora. Even though Adora's plea is earnest, Catra declines it.

>As the next memory begins, we see Adora now has both hands on Catra's arm, she's desperately trying to hold on to her bond with Catra and show her desire to fix things between them. Catra doesn't drop her wary demeanor at all, and Adora looks lost and anxious over this as a young Catra runs by.

The memory starts out full of childhood innocence as the two of them play together. When the girls see that the Black Garnet chamber is open, young Adora remarks "we're definitely not allowed in there." Young Catra looks at Adora, seemingly asking if she wants to go in, trusting her. Young Adora runs off, and Catra follows her in. Yes, Catra participates in the decision, but she's not the one who runs towards the chamber, and that's important to what happens next.

A worried (adult) Adora looks to her friend who seems so distant, stoic. Anxiously, Adora tells Catra "You don't have to go in there." Adora knows what happens next is very bad, that this is a hurtful memory for Catra. As an unwavering Catra begins to walk towards the chamber, Adora looks down at Catra's hand. [pic above] She wants desperately to reach out and take it, to hold Catra back from this terrible moment, to tell her she's sorry for messing up. Adora knows now that she screwed up, that she's let Catra down, somehow more than she ever realized. She doesn't know what to do about it… she follows Catra inside.

The young girls explore, Catra touches the black garnet and gets shocked. Adora has second thoughts, she realizes they're trespassing.. but of course, SW returns, so they try to hide. As SW takes off the mask, Adora cries out, taken aback... young Catra looks at her in dismay. She's about to pay for Adora's mistake with a lifetime of suffering. Offended, SW tells them to "Get out!" but rethinks. She puts the mask back on, and decides to use this moment to instead abuse the girls and use the crime of their trespass against them. As SW tells Catra to stay, Adora turns around, seeing that Catra is caught, and she's scared for her friend. She really did make a poor decision, and as a highly empathetic person, what happens to Catra scars Adora, too.

Held powerless by magic, Catra tries to explain that they were just playing. SW's words to her set the stage for a lifetime of physical and psychological abuse: SW leans over her menacingly, telling her "Insolent child, I've come to expect such disgraceful behavior from you, but I will not allow you to drag Adora down as well." Again, it's not Catra who decided to go in, so it's really not her fault. SW disparages her and heaps blame upon her for Adora's bad choice, ignoring the truth.

Adora weakly tries to protect Catra, saying "SW, it wasn't her fault. It was my idea too." It's an understandable response, as they're just little kids. Still, Adora could have taken the blame for their trespass, since she led Catra inside. But it's about to get a lot more hurtful for Catra...

SW's voice echoes through Catra's head as she trembles in terror: "You have never been anything more than a nuisance to me. I've kept you around this long because Adora was fond of you but if you ever do anything to jeopardize her future, I will dispose of you myself. Do you understand ?" Catra trembles in fear, her eyes unfocused, the room empty but for SW menacing her. She's in a dissociative state, terrified and helpless. I think some people probably feel like this must have been a idle threat, but it isn't: SW abuses Catra many times after this for her mistakes. And the depiction of the dissociative state helps us understand just how damaging it was. While Adora seemingly goes on to not realize the importance of this memory, for Catra it is formative to her entire life.

Again, Adora tries weakly to stop what's happening, putting herself between them. She tells SW "please, stop" then looks over at Catra, full of concern. Running over to SW, she tells her "she didn't mean to". This is so hurtful, as young Catra is very smart. Catra knows Adora has blown it again, after all, what is it that she "didn't mean to" do when it was Adora's idea to trespass? Adora isn't getting the magnitude of the situation, and Catra is very much left to fend for herself.

SW then does a very insidious thing to Adora, a very directed abuse that's meant to work against her personality and empathetic reactions to others pain. She tells her "Adora, you must do a better job of keeping her under control. Do not let something like this happen again..." SW follows this up with years of manipulation to make Adora even more susceptible to abuse. But in this moment, SW again heaps the blame for Adora's mistake onto Catra, who did nothing wrong. For Catra, she comes to believe that what she did doesn't even matter, nobody cares what the truth was. Even Adora. But for Adora, the hurt goes deep as well. She made a bad decision, her friend gets hurt for it, and she never comes clean... instead, she's told she has to do a better job of controlling her friend, and that she has to be perfect so that it doesn't happen again. It's a deep and hurtful moment for Adora, just like it is for Catra. But the hurt is much less direct, and more sneaky. Nonetheless, Adora struggles with this moment, this abuse of her, in the most intimate and painful ways all throughout the series.

Young Catra watches on as SW completes her manipulation of Adora. For Catra, she's left with the feeling that nothing she does matters, she was blamed for something she didn't even do. And Adora seemingly took the easy out, spreading the blame. But she doesn't realize this moment is so insidious for Adora, that it attacks and manipulates her at her emotional need to help others. From this moment on, Adora is afflicted with a desperate fear that she can't protect others, and must lead perfectly so they don't get hurt. This internal conflict erodes Adora's self worth, and causes her great emotional pain throughout the series. Catra, instead, believes she is being told she has no worth, and isn't even allowed to make her own decisions. It's hurtful, and it's part of why she tensed so badly at Adora for trying to tell her what to do earlier. We see this realization cross young Catra's face: she feels forgotten in this moment.

We see the young girls walking away from SW's chamber, Adora with her hand around Catra's shoulder. This comfort is not enough... Catra really needed Adora to stand up for her there, to come clean, and she didn't. Trying to comfort her now seems hollow. As they flash to their present selves, Catra knocks Adora's arm aside in frustration, accusing her of needing to play the hero.

Adora responds, saying she was only trying to protect her. Catra's next words tell the real truth of their childhood: "You never protected me! Not in any way that would put you on SW's bad side!" Adora at first chafes at this statement, feeling like she did try to protect her, then crosses over to confusion at the strength of Catra's assertion. Catra is telling Adora she was blind to her pain. She wasn't there for her, and this is very much at the core of Catra's disappointment with Adora: the fact that she never stayed, never tried to understand. Adora let SW control her, make her ambitious, and so Catra was put to the side of that, and over time Adora grew apart from her. Catra’s exact words here are important: she says that Adora ‘plays’ at being the hero, yet always seemingly protected her status as the favorite, never standing up to SW and risking harm onto herself in order to save Catra from pain.

And so, the fact that out of seemingly out of nowhere, Adora decides to risk everything and defect in order to fight for people she doesn't even know, insults Catra. Adora abandons and consequently fights against her own people, leaving Catra behind, unilaterally treating her as an enemy. Never, in their whole lives, did Adora ever fight for Catra, only offering affection afterwards to make up for the cruelties that happened to Catra. So no, Catra doesn't want Adora to save her, or her sympathy, when she seemingly cared so little about her pain. Adora was no hero to her.

Now an obvious question might be: if the manipulation is that Adora is supposed to protect and control Catra, then shouldn't she have had to see SW abuse Catra for it to work? The first part of the answer is that it was never really about that, once the idea was put in Adora’s head, SW used it to manipulate her further into a mentality where Adora would accept praise, promotion on her path to becoming a force captain.

The other is that when someone is being hurt like Catra was in that moment... if the one person in the world who is supposed to get it doesn't get it... then it becomes very hard to ever bring it up to them again. It's a specific type of hurt and abandonment: for Catra, she goes on to believe that this is her burden, that somehow she alone is supposed to learn these hard lessons. And so she doesn't tell Adora about the abuse. Also, keep in mind that they are small children, and Catra doesn't want Adora to hurt like she does... so she's actually protecting her, in her mind. But the fact that time goes by and Adora never seemed to care, to stop and see Catra's pain, was very hurtful to her. And Catra’s feelings of betrayal at Adora’s not seeing the hurt are justified: in episode 1, we see Adora watch SW menace Catra, then happily run off to accept her promotion, only remembering to check on Catra as an afterthought. Catra needed Adora's support, and never really got it.

[pic caption: (left to right) Adora’s apparent willful ignorance of the abuse.]

So Catra believes she learns these hard lessons so Adora won't have to, but is left alone in her pain. This also means that SW specifically abused Catra at times and in places so Adora wouldn't be aware, which again, tells us it was never really about making Adora responsible for Catra's decisions. No, the reasons were much darker, and Catra bore it all alone.

The girls flash to their younger selves, and Catra accuses Adora: "Admit it, you love being her favorite." Catra is telling Adora that she was disappointed and hurt that Adora kept accepting praise and privilege from SW, after that moment when she so clearly should have seen how SW abused her, and the maliciousness of the death threat. In Catra’s mind, Adora could have rejected SW. As painful as it is for a small child to be without any parents, it would have been the right thing to do, for Catra. SW was no good to Catra, and they could have shared the pain of being orphans who only had each other, but instead Catra ended up bearing all of the abuse while Adora was given privilege.

Adora denies this assertion, and yet she did accept the privilege SW offered her. Catra's next words show how ignorant Adora was to the realities of their lives as they flash back to their present selves: "Oh yeah? When you left, who do you think took the fall for you? Who was protecting me then ?" Catra bore all the abuse and punishment for Adora's leaving, and Adora wasn't there to see it. Catra did this bravely for Adora, in fact, up until before Princesse Prom, Catra did everything she could to cover for Adora, just like she asked, protecting her, hoping she'd come back to her. But Adora shows no understanding at all for what Catra went through, she didn't even think about what must have been happening to her. Adora has never taken the time to think about how her actions affect Catra's life.

Adora counters, suggesting that Catra could leave the Horde, and therefore get away from SW's abuse. Catra just glares back at her, disappointed. Catra knows running from the abuse won't solve anything.

::What this comes down to is a totally different understanding of the world. For Adora, she thinks she became a hero for leaving the Horde, and becoming She-ra. She doesn't realize she was lucky to fall into the situation she did, with Bow and Glimmer helping her gain acceptance and protecting her. She's totally unaware that the reality that her becoming She-ra is a manipulation born out of evil intent. For Catra, she's always known that the world is harsh, and that bad people exist who will try to destroy you. She's not afraid to fight, she's had no choice learning these harsh truths. It's a jaded view that negatively affects her perceptions of people, but it prepares her for the worst, and so she relies on it. So when Adora suggests she run from it, she rejects her as naive. They flash back to their younger selves after Adora suggests Catra can leave like she did, and Catra accusingly points out that she doesn't need to follow Adora around. That they're children is relevant to the previous memory where Adora led Catra into danger, and then didn't protect her. Catra isn't interested in following Adora blindly after she's put her in danger so badly in the past.

Flashing back present selves, Catra tells Adora she doesn't want to leave. As she says this her face conveys her anger at the world, her drive to face SW instead of flee. She says "I'm not afraid of SW anymore, and I'm a better force captain than you ever would have been." Let's take this in parts: Catra won't run from her abuser, she's already planning to take her down. Doing so is important to Catra, as it fixes her world in an important way. And that Adora can't see this just shows how far apart they are now. In Catra's mind, Adora was supposed to stay, and as they rose to power together, they would have supplanted SW, fixing Catra's world. The two of them would have been stronger in the end. But Adora did leave, so Catra impatiently tries to get Adora to see that she won't just run away. If Adora doesn't want to help Catra overcome this evil, then she'll do it on her own.

Her disappointment in Adora for abandoning this fight is apparent, what comes to mind is when Catra calls Adora weak in the Sea Gate episode. And now Catra knows she's got the power to do this, she's a force captain, and if she can just find a reason to depose SW she knows she has the station and fighting ability to take her down. She always knew she could lead, but was happy to let Adora have success because she really didn't want that responsibility. So she points out her superiority, not to show that she's better than Adora, but to tell Adora she was blind to Catra's worth, and to be hurtful to Adora for abandoning her.

They flash back to their child selves: Adora looks at Catra, hurt and confused "You always said you didn't care about things like that." Adora is feeling hurt by the idea that she was unknowingly taking advantage of Catra, because Catra has seemily just told her she was lying.

Now, this next part is important, and it's important that we are seeing Catra's reaction as her child self: Catra looks sad and lonely as Adora finishes her question, and she's crying. Something adult Catra would never let herself do. So we're seeing a much more authentic expression of Catra's hurt and emotions than if it were her present self. What you need to understand here is that those emotions don't really match her words... Catra tells her "Well I was lying, obviously!" But her face says she's angry and hurt at Adora for not seeing her pain.

As she delivers those words her face is full of accusation and insult, she's being dramatic, something we will see Catra do time and time again. She stares down Adora, eyes scrunched up, showing Adora how betrayed she felt by her insensitivity. Then we get sadness, disappointment. Finally, we get a lonely kind of furious sorrow: all that time feeling alone and Adora didn't bother to understand is written on her face.

The tears are still flowing, but as she turns away they shift back to their present selves. Adult Catra looks totally alone, heartbroken.

Ok but how we REALLY know Catra isn't telling the truth is this: almost word for word, this moment exists in episode 1. ANY time you see that happen in this show, you need to look back to find the meaning of it.

>We will need to look in totality of this scene in episode 1: An excited Catra pounces on Adora, asking her what SW said. She sees the badge and takes it. Here's a funny thing, because we see Catra jump on Adora you might think Catra is always like this, she just comes into Adora's space as she pleases. But once Catra has the badge, we see no anger or jealousy. Just total wonder. She shows nothing but exuberation and happiness for Adora's promotion (pic 1, lower left fyi).

Catra knew this could be the turning point she's been waiting for, that Adora was due for promotion. And so she's jumping all over Adora, full of joy. We only see her attitude change once Adora tells her SW isn't letting her go on missions. And so, we can infer a lot of information from this...

Catra expected this moment to change their lives for the better. That Adora's rising in rank means freedom, the beginning of something new. Some many new things, in Catra's case. But Catra definitively shows us in this scene that she doesn't desire the success for herself. She only shows happiness for Adora, for them together, and she's ecstatic. (pic 1, fyi)

This, in Catra's mind, probably means the start of their romantic lives. If Adora is the force captain that brings them to victory, SW won't be able to just trample all over their lives. Catra can begin letting down some walls, maybe even let Adora pursue her romantically. If they're together, and Adora is on her side because of that, she becomes safe from her abuser. It's a much better outcome than trying to fight SW, but that's not how the story goes. No, Adora leaves her instead. How's that for emotional whiplash? All of these truths are laid bare in s3ep5, when we see Catra's perfect reality, when she and Adora are together romantically. Catra only wants to be safe and to be loved, but when Adora leaves her she loses trust in the goodness of Adora, and in people in general.

> Adora tells Catra she shouldn't be surprised she's been cut of of the mission because she's so rude to SW, to which Catra responds by calling Adora a people pleaser, then storming off in anger...

::Note, as this is important: Adora is taking SW’s side, and not Catra’s, which is entirely opposite of their early childhood memory of Octavia. It shows how Adora had started listening to the negative judgements others placed on Catra...

>Adora goes after Catra, finding her sulking on the roof. Catra is angry, betrayed by the world, at the injustice that SW is in her life. Adora asks "I didn't even think you wanted to be a force captain?" Catra tossed the badge at her, saying she doesn't. Then she folds her body up, holding herself. Adora sees this, but doesn't touch her. She's being careful to respect Catra's boundaries. But the anger Catra feels here isn't about being denied the chance to be a force captain, it's at all the hurt that SW has dealt her and continues to do so. And Adora doesn't see that, which disappoints Catra. But, she's unable to verbalize it herself, she is too insecure in her emotional vulnerability, so she lets it slide.

What we have here is two different instances of the same question with two different answers, but in both cases Catra is telling the truth. In episode 1, it's the truth that she doesn't care about being a force captain because of her love for Adora, and the promise, in her mind, that they will eventually be together. In episode 11, Catra then says she lied, and this now is also true: Catra did think about what she was going through, all the pain and sacrifices she made for Adora, which were done in the name of love. But Adora doesn't love her the way that Catra loves Adora, instead leaving her behind. And so now that Adora didn't ever see how excellent a person Catra actually was, how dedicated to her she is, and the pain she was willing to bear for her sake, it does matter. Because that's shitty of her, and so now Catra will survive on her own by her own excellence, her strength that Adora never stopped to see. So Catra is guilting Adora, trying to make her see how blind and unfeeling she is.

>Back to ep11: Catra tries to walk away from Adora, who desperately chases her, trying to understand why Catra is becoming so distant, wanting her to tell her what's wrong. She reaches out for Catra's shoulder in one last attempt to get Catra to talk, she knows touching Catra could maybe get her to be more open. But the truth is Adora has been far too easy on Catra, she needs to be more forceful if she wants Catra to talk, which she later comes to understand... she's been coddling Catra, and so Catra is allowed to wallow in her unhealthy mental states.

Catra takes Adora's hand, forcefully holding it away from her and delivering a hurtful line: "Why do you think I gave the sword back to you in the fright zone? I didn't WANT you to come back, Adora!" This hits Adora like a load of bricks, her dismay is evident. And it's all true, which is the sad part. Catra was already preparing to cut ties with Adora, as even by that point she had come to a realization, a decision: if Adora doesn't want to be with her, then she'll do it herself. She will do the hard things on her own.

She turns away from Adora, looking hurt and betrayed. And Adora is at a complete loss, she doesn't know this side of Catra, this part of her that has survived hardship all these years... she lets her leave, not knowing what to do.

Adora is then attacked by the security, which takes up her time. As that happens, we see memories only shown to Catra. Catra runs, emotionally overwhelmed as all the unfair judgements, the abuse, and hollow apologies ring out around her. All the years of frustration and sadness weigh on her, she tries to keep it together, lashing out at the holograms. She falls to her knees, fighting back emotion and trying not to cry, her inner, vulnerable self is near the surface, and she's trying not to break down in tears over all of the hurt she's had to bear...

… and then she hears soft crying...

She turns to see her younger, tiny self, crying. Then, a tiny Adora joins the tiny Catra. Unlike the other memories, Catra never flashes into her younger self, she just watches...

The tiny Adora pulls the blanket down, Catra hisses at her... Adora sits down next to her tenderly. And we finally get the promise, the two parts that Adora has so tragically broke...

Adora tells her "It doesn't matter what they do to us, you know? You look out for me, and I look out for you... nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other." The tiny Catra looks at Adora, wanting to trust her, to believe in her. As she says the question, present Catra echos it: "You promise ?" This was a sacred moment that gave Catra hope as a young orphan, that maybe she would be ok.

And so, the present Catra echoes it. Adora tells her she promises, as the skeptical present Catra looks on. Tiny Catra is still sad, insecure... she hugs Adora, needing this. Adora suggests they go back out to play... and we see tiny Catra look at her, still afraid, reluctant, wanting to stay. But she decides to trust Adora, and so they walk out, holding hands. Then something unique happens. Tiny Catra stops to look up at her present self: note, this is entirely a unique moment in the simulation, it never happened in reality... and yet Catra is given this moment...

The innocent child stares up Catra, making her see her. It's a look full of meaning, it doesn't carry any specific emotion... only innocence. Catra is having an inner child moment. That most deep and innocent part of her, her vulnerable self who feels love, is communicating with her. It's asking her to see it's vulnerability, and it's pain. Catra sees this, all of the pain Adora has caused her, the breaking of the promise, the promise that this innocent part of her was holding on to desperately with hope. She is forced to acknowledge Adora's disloyalty to her, her carelessness. Catra is reflecting on how she did her absolute best to keep that promise, even after Adora failed to look out for her in SW's chamber. Catra was so loyal and so good to Adora all of their lives; she made sure Adora had a good life, and she played by SW's rules so Adora could be the chosen one, wanting to protect her. All in the hope that they would be together, and that their love was real. But Adora couldn't even do that much, she left her. And Adora doesn't understand her, she doesn't even seem to miss her.

[pic 9: Broken Promises, Catra’s inner child, The Hero goes Her Own Way].

Present Catra watches her tiny self leave, coming to the tough realization: that she's never been able to trust Adora, not really. Her love isn't reciprocated, not by her standards.

…. which makes Adora a deeply unsafe person to Catra...

Catra survived SW's abuse, learning to believe in herself, protect herself because no one else would. All while keeping this hope of love in her heart, this vulnerable core of herself that has tenderness and loves Adora, and needs love back. But, her need for love goes to such a deep vulnerability that giving in to it and then again being rejected or forgotten by Adora would simply destroy her. SW held the threat of death over Catra’s head her entire life, and Catra resisted it, got through it by being tough and trusting in herself. So now she sees she can't trust Adora: everything that happened since she left her behind, the fact that Adora always treats her as an enemy, that she seems to show no lingering desire for her, and doesn't even seem to miss her while replacing her with new friends, seems to confirm her worst fears. Fears that have been building over the years, starting when Adora broke their promise in SW's chamber, and then as Adora pursued her success while accepting praise and privilege from SW, ignoring the abuse Catra bore because of it. She decides she can't trust Adora. Love is a lie, a weakness. A weakness that could destroy her last bit of individuality, and belief in the world.

And so, Catra, The Survivor, makes the decision... in her mind it's the brave one, just like way back when and she decided to bravely stand up to SW's abuse and not let it destroy her: she will stand up to the threat that is the weakness of her love for Adora. Adora is selfish, she doesn't deserve Catra's love. She was stupid to believe that love was even possible, for someone like her… who has always been ignored, and told she is unworthy of praise or even existence. There's only one thing left for her to do: she will be alone, strong on her own, for herself.

Her gaze hardens... that part of her that has made sure she survived SW's abuse, and made sure she won fights when she was threatened, is now the decider. It will protect her from her vulnerability, and reject Adora for her. I suppose you might be confused as to what I'm referring, or maybe not... If you haven't had to fight for your life, whether physically, mentally, or otherwise, you might not know this side of yourself well. But we all have it, it's The Survivor. And while I knew mine would protect me, I didn't accept it as my real self, I didn't accept its necessary but vicious deeds as my own. This is very much how Catra is, and as the series goes on she puts this survivor in charge of more and more decisions, we watch her deteriorate as this part of her gets out of control, protecting her from darkness with more darkness. All the while her vulnerable inner self suffers, watching the horrible deeds and becoming more and more alone, desperate for affection.

>Adora is outnumbered, eventually ending up hanging from the cliff's edge by spider webs. She hears Catra return, dealing with the spiders. Adora looks up, hopeful because Catra has returned...

Catra saunters in. Let me say a few things before we go through this part: Catra is about to say a lot of things that aren't really true. They are instead meant to be hurtful to Adora, Catra is being intentionally mean. We shouldn't take her exact words as her authentic beliefs, because they're not... no, Catra is doing what she believes she has to so she can be apart for Adora, and be safe from her. The truth is, Catra needs to be away from Adora. She's too scared of the vulnerability that is her love for Adora, because Adora hasn't shown her that she cares. And she can't do that by defecting, no, she must stay with the Horde. It's the only thing she feels there is left for her to do.

Now, let's go through this: and heads up: I'm getting at something very powerful that's going on here that you may not have realized. This speech is, in fact, a heroic moment. A heroic moment... for Catra. Not Adora, for Catra. And you just need to open your ears to hear it...

"Hey Adora."

🎶 is sad

"Catra! Help me, please!"

"This thing wouldn't work for me if I tried, would it? It only works for you... then again, you're special... that's what Shadow Weaver always said..."

🎶 is melancholy

"Catra, what are you doing??"

"Ah, ya know, it all makes sense now... you've always been the one holding me back... you wanted me to think I needed you, you wanted me to feel weak."

🎶 has even tone

"Every hero needs a sidekick, right?"

"Catra that's not how it was.."

🎶 rises, falls, sad (“Promise” begins playing)

*Catra chuckles* "The sad thing is I've spent all this time hoping you'd come back to the Horde... when really you leaving was the best thing that EVER happened to me..."

🎶 lowers, is dark, is dramatic. -Note: we see Catra seemingly become deranged as she says this line. This is Catra deceiving herself out of perceived necessity.

"I am so much stronger than anyone... ever... thought." *she cuts part of the web*

🎶 begins to rise, uplifting

"I wonder what I could have been if I'd gotten rid of you sooner." *she cuts the rest of the web, Adora falls, catching herself*

🎶 rises, is dramatic

"I'm sorry! I never meant to make you feel like you were second best. Please, don't do this."

🎶 is still rising, uplifting

*Catra stands proudly, nobly, looking at the sword. She looks down at Adora, then she casually tosses the sword past her...

🎶 is rising, hopeful, heroic.

"Bye Adora, I really am going to miss you..."

🎶 is heroic, violins now playing, adding depth

*Catra turns and walks away from Adora, proudly*

🎶 has risen to its height, crests, is heroic.

"Catra... Catra, no!!"

🎶 remains high, cresting, heroic

*Adora cries, sad, confused by Catra's leaving her...*

🎶 crests again, fades out...

Ok, so... let's talk about what just happened here. The undeniable conclusion is that this was meant to be a heroic moment, and a damn heroic moment... for Catra. The writers are telling us that Catra leaving is an important part of her hero’s journey, and that it was the right thing to do. You might be wondering, how can that be? The short answer is, Catra is on a hero’s journey unlike all the other hero’s journeys normally portrayed in fiction. All of it, even her darkest deeds, all her cruelty towards Adora, will be part of a very... important... and powerful... journey. One which will forge her into a hero in this series, in her own incredible right... how this is, what she is, is yet to be revealed... but make no mistake, she's a hero. Just not the one you expect…

We see Adora open her eyes, and see Light Hope. She tells Adora to let go. She means of her emotional attachments, as we find out. Adora cries for her lost Catra, that she couldn't bring her back to her. She lets go...

BIG ASSERTION TIME: Now, I know it's a common theory that these memories were all just an elaborate manipulation by Light Hope to divide the girls from each other, but I don't agree with that. No, I believe this was a memory journey guided by Catra, subconsciously, to help her tell Adora why she couldn't come with her, why she has to be apart.

Take for instance the memories and visions that Adora sees when she's on her way to the Heart of Etheria in season 5: this system exists apart from Light Hope, who dies at the end for season 4. This simulation comes from somewhere more primal: in my belief, it is the deep magic of Etheria being visualized through the First One's tech. We see the simulation show Catra the promise memory, something Adora isn't shown at all, and then allows her to see her inner child's hurt. Something deeper is going on here, and you should consider how strongly the magic of Etheria is resonating with Catra when it does. Because the magic of Etheria will again speak directly to Catra, this isn't the last time... In short, the magic helps the two of them to understand each other, because Catra is an important part of Adora's true She-ra journey.

I also believe that a theme of this series is that abusers, like L. Hope, are not perfect vindictive manipulators. They are flawed, and L. Hope in particular, I believe, is no genius: she fails time and time again. That L. Hope uses the moment to get Adora to let go is her using the moment to her advantage, she didn't play ultimate control over it. She just piggy backed on Catra's hurt to do it. So that last memory really was for Catra... Furthermore, I simply cannot believe L.Hope would understand the concept of the inner child… as she can't even understand sarcasm.

But now, because of this, Adora now knows of Catra's pain... and this is the beginning of Adora's long journey back to Catra, of her repairing their bond…

Let's address the obvious counterpoint: Adora now knows that Catra is hurt, but she doesn't yet understand why. And it's not really her fault, as Catra doesn't know how to talk about her feelings, among other things. But it's apparent that Adora doesn't remember these crucial memories as well as Catra does, even though they were critical in her development as well. Adora is a mess of emotions, just like Catra, and (if) she has ADHD, it might be one reason why she doesn't really get Catra. Especially if her parental figure has been manipulating it against her. Adora very much vibrates between stimuli anxiously, so SW might have made her forgetful by distraction over time. Also, the way in which Adora treats Catra as an enemy when she doesn't accept Adora’s (totally rushed, afterthought, and hollow) ultimatum that she defect with her, is a reflection of Adora's ingrained Horde war training… this is something she has to unlearn, as it is wrong. But Adora is a good person, she really, truely, is, because Adora never stops trying to make it better. And so, she slowly, but surely, comes to understand Catra’s trauma.

We get one last scene of Catra returning to the fright zone. We get to see Catra's truth here: She walks, as if she's not even there, she's deadened by the sorrow and the inevitability of what her life will now be: one of hard work, and zero joy. She will try her best to stand on her own, and put Adora out of her heart, slamming its doors shut against love. It doesn't work, but that's what she's trying to do, nonetheless. This is the beginning of a profound depression that builds over the next 3 seasons, and combined with new traumas, nearly takes her life.

But the tech Catra has brought back will end up giving her what she needs to face down and depose SW, just like she needed...

::Here is another complicated twist that's so essential to She-ra as a series: Catra, in fact, protects Adora by taking down SW. Catra may go on to command the Hordes forces so effectively that it pushes the Princess alliance harder than it's ever been pushed before, but her deposing SW is extremely important in the story. She both removes SW’s ability to attack Adora, and then denies her any sorcerous power by taking the Black Garnet from her, since SW needs an external source to draw power from in order to use her vampiric powers...

Ok so more theory time: it's a common belief that Catra stays with the Horde, and goes on to try to conquer the world out of some deep need to externally validate herself, and to prove she was the better child by beating Adora. I don't think any of these explanations are true. Catra may go on to play such a character on a surface level, but every time she professes to have any such ambitions, she is either in the presence of Adora, or under incredible stress. In the one case, she's saying those things to try to hurt Adora, and make her see how naive and foolish Adora always was, especially now that Adora thinks she can fight against her.

In the other case, it's actually her survivor mechanism trying to take over, to make her world safe. In every case where Catra says something about ambition, somewhere in that scene, Catra shows the distinct emotions of her true inner self: generally, these emotions are sorrow, fear, and loneliness. They don't exist on screen long, they are what is known as micro expressions. (See below for a short discussion of Catra’s micro expressions.)

To put it simply, the only reason Catra stays with the Horde is so she has somewhere she can be separate from her feelings and heartbreak over Adora, and then she climbs the ranks in order to find safety, first from SW, and then Hordak, once he threatens her life with his temper tantrums. That she fights against Adora is just a collateral consequence, she isn't out to get Adora, but nor does she care if Adora gets hurt, because she’s hurt her. Catra does fight against the princesses, though (including She-ra).

A core feature of Catra's character is indeed one of personal power. She's a person who is told to hurry up and die at an early age, but refused to do so. So her arc, her issue, isn't a cautionary tale about chasing validation, it's about her overcoming her fear of vulnerability and allowing herself to rely on others in a way that lets her be safe without needing to combat the darkness with more darkness. But vulnerability scares her because of the abuse she experienced.

As for validation, the only person she would want that from is Adora. This is because Catra believes in herself already: that she has a sacred right to exist, no matter what SW and others may tell her (note: Adora struggles with this, she's actually the one who seeks validation). But, she also needs love, and she is too fearful that Adora doesn't really love her and is afraid of being hurt by that. It's also why I think she's so chaotic towards Adora: her inner child tells her adult self to protect her from her love for Adora, which it tries to do, but that same child misses and needs Adora in so many ways. So she's trying to be mean to compensate for the incredible desire she feels towards Adora. I love it when Adora calls her a brat in season 5, it's such a well deserved line, mmhhmmm.

Actual discussions of how these particulars play out in the show are better left for another time, but there you have it.

Promise sidebar discussions: Catra’s micro expressions; Catra nearly dies at the Battle of Bright Moon

“White Out” microexpression discussion: [see pics below] This is the first time since the Battle of Bright Moon that Catra and Adora meet. So it's a good time to talk about Catra’s micro expressions. Picture 1: Adora says “Hey, Catra” out of the blue and Catra is completely blindsided, she figured she wouldn't be bothered out in the middle of nowhere. She's anxious and unhappy to be seeing Adora. Along with her suspicious absence the episode before in “Roll With It”, the answer is obvious: Catra has been avoiding Adora. She may have cut ties with her in “Promise”, nearly bested her at the Battle of BM, but she doesn't want to see her. She doesn't know what she feels about her.

Picture 2: Enraged monsters are decimating the base, and a battle breaks out over the corrupted disc. Catra is desperately trying to protect it, because she can control Adora if she has it... and she needs this chance to have her back. As Catra reaches to pick it up, she's facing away from everyone and so no one can see her desperation and sadness from missing Adora. (pic 2) Shortly after, we also see her clutch the disc desperately to her chest in a way that's very endearing, right before the monster attacks her and makes her drop it. Then, as she's about to die in its jaws because she doesn't want to give Adora up again, Scorpia breaks the disc and saves her life. We see in this episode as Catra completely loses track of her emotions, and now realizes she has to come to terms with the fact that she's so desperately sad from missing Adora, she was willing to die just for a chance to have her back.

Pic 3: Catra hates working for the Horde. She HATES it. She gets zero joy from the job, and she’s already figured out that Hordak will kill her if she screws up too badly. She didn't want this job, plain and simple, but now feels stuck with it. None of this is the life she wanted. Combining this knowledge against Catra’s declaration to Adora at the end of Promise, we know she's not happy that she had to go her own way...

Catra’s near death experience at the Battle of Bright Moon

At the Battle of Bright Moon, Catra leads Adora (She-ra) away. They battle, but then Catra retreats and instead starts listing out every single worst fear of failure she thinks Adora has. It's a dark moment, she's acting much like SW did to them as children, and we watch her manipulation take root in Adora. Finally, her words are too much, and as Catra looks down at Adora's (She-ra's) back, we see Adora become deranged, overcome with her fear of failing everyone... (pic1, above) she picks up a boulder and throws it directly at Catra. Catra is knocked flying, and only by the barest of margins does she keep from falling to her death. Adora nearly kills Catra. And so, as Adora drags Catra up from the cliff and slams her into the wall, we see a totally heartbroken and emotionally crushed Catra. In this moment, Catra believes all of her worst fears are confirmed: Adora only cares about being She-ra, so much so that Adora would kill her in the name of being that hero. Catra uses this moment, this belief, to justify her division from Adora. Sadly, she's wrong... she's ignoring the seriousness of the threat that the battle poses, and as Adora was facing away from her during that moment, she doesn't see the terror and desperation Adora experiences due to her cruel words…

Oh, and one more thing before we go: when Catra says “What, did you really think this was about you ?” SPOILER ALERT: It was. Because She-ra is one big Catradora story… and we love it.

As always, thanks for reading. <3

~EtheriaDearie

P.S. :: as I am new to tumblr, if you enjoyed reading this, please consider giving me a reblogg! Thanks!! 🙇💛

[ldyinblckmsk]

Always the extra, never the lead (part 2)

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki X F! Reader

Genre: Fluff(?)

Words: 2.6k

A/N: Hey! Sorry for the wait, forgive me for being so lazy omgg. I'm really having a hard time how to end this, so I'm sorry if I just end it like that and feels like rushed. I feel like it's up to your imagination on how you'll pereceive it lololol (i'mjustsolazytocontinue). Thank you for reading! And I'm writing another angst so if you want to get your heart broken again, stay tuned ig.

Shocked. Confused. He didn't actually know what he's feeling that time as he watched you bidding your goodbye with that forced smile. He didn't dare move as if the the gravity was pulling him too hard from his seat.

All he can do is watch your retreating form with a conflicted expression as he try to sort his mind.

He already made a decision. And that is to put a distance between the two of you. So, why? Why did that the fucking organ inside in his chest feels so heavy when you called his nickname with a dejected voice as if that will be the last time you'll him that?

That is a mystery that he didn't want to find out. Yet.

He left the restaurant as soon as you went home, pissed with the nosy extras that's giving him a cruel look for making a girl cry.

Everything went fine after the incident but it doesn't mean that his life will go back to normal. He pushed you away, even though you said that you'll still be his friend, the bridge connecting the two of you is already replaced with a big crater. As much as he wants to act normal, something inside him screams that he's doing thubgs wrong and that irritates him to hell.

"Hello, earth to Bakugou!" A sweet voice makes him go back to reality. His eyes widen for a bit when he saw your face but it immediately disappeared when his crimson eyes fell to the girl he's currently dating. "Geez, Bakugou. If you feel sick, I think you shouldn't pushed yourself coming here."

"Huh? What yer' talking about, shitty woman?!" His tone rises than he intended as he take a bite on his now cold food. It's been a week since they really started going out for real. Taking a walk here and there, eating outside, and such. It's nothing really special. Just like how it used to be when they were young.

Akiya came home from New York last year after her parents died in a villain attack there. Mitsuki's the one who offered her to stay ath their home for a while. She's his childhood quirkless friend, well, technically his mother forced him to befriend her since her mom's a close friend. She was devastated at that time and Bakugou's there to comfort her, having a great sense of urge to protect her.

"Oh? So, you're fine after all." She laughed, teasing him for his outburst which just made him sigh. "You know...," she said trailing her words. "Someone told me that if you don't want to feel regret at the end, you don't have to overthink something and just let your heart decides."

Her philosophical words makes him furrows his brows, not really knocking any sense to him. "Quit the Confucius wannabe act, shitty woman. What the hell are you on?"

She chuckles. "What I'm saying is...before it's too late, you should chase the girl you really love. Y/n, that's her name, right?"

"What the fuck are you trying to say?"

"C'mon, Bakugou! Quit being a dick  and go get your girl. I know you since childhood and, gosh, you're so obvious."

He didn't talk back, not that he doesn't have any snarky remark but he just want to listen and get enlightened. "You didn't really love me." She said that as if it weighs nothing. "We both know it. What we have between us is just platonic. Your urge of protecting me is nothing but a hero instinct really. Like a responsiblity, that's all. You just thought that I'm the one you wanted to protect the most because I'm weak and you already thought that that's love."

He watched her crossing her arms, brow raising up as she tries to lecture him about love and his crooked . "It's clear that you love her. That's why I was so confused when you asked me out. I mean, what the fuck's wrong with your judgement? You're so smart and yet really stupid."

"Then, why did you still accept me?!" His voice raising up, feeling the pent up frustrations as he function his brain. The hazy, cloudy water he's looking at slowly  getting clearer as the girl, who was supposedly dating him is, helping him unravel his feelings. "I'd like to see how long you'd last but I'm getting frustrated at our set up considering how tangled your feelings."

•••

With the energetic sun outside, class 3-A students decided to spend their Sunday inside their dorm. Gathering at the common area as they ramble about how dreading and tedious the day is. As for you, it was just another day for sulking, not really feeling to socialize. A week of holing yourself in your room, avoiding to cross path with a certain someone as you try to heal yourself. It just feels so good lazying around in your room with soft blanket wrapping you up like burrito.

But, of course, someone will come barging in your room and destroy the peace you once had. Hands on her hip, the pink haired looked at you like a mother going to reprimand her child. "I swear, y/n, I'll trash you're room if you didn't stand up right now and have fun with us."

"C'mon y/n-chan! Don't let Bakugou spoil your day." You winced when the bubbly, round face uttered his name. That's one of the reason why you chose to trapped yourself in you room. Hearing any signs related to him just brings back the humiliation and despair you felt that night. "Girl, I'll tell you get over it. You're too good for him. It's his loss for letting you go away."

"Uh, that's absolutely right! And don't get me started with that girl he chose over you. It's clear that you're much better and yet..." Mina intejected empasing the word to prove her point, shaking her head as she clicked her tongue. This just lead Momo to stop the the acid user from dissing the girl. "Mina, don't pick on Akiya. She's a sweet girl."

Tsuyu nodded, agreeing with Momo. "You know they said that the key of moving on is to fill yourself with happiness. So, push those bitterness away from your soul and come downstairs to have fun."

A small smile forming on your lips, grateful for having a best group of friends. Their comforting words and the way they cheer you up makes your heart swell, tears welling up your eyes. 

Fits of laughter welcomes you as your eyes met the chaotic state of your classmates. It's true that they're really having fun. Kaminari, Mineta, and Sero are in the middle, standing as they act something ridiculous while Kirishima, Tenya, Jirou are sitting on the large couch, trying not to laugh so hard as they guessed. They really took charades in the next level. Your other classmates are just on the other side of the couch watching the game, shouting if they figured it out. 

Mina pushed you towards them as the both of you squeezed yourselves at the large couch, sitting beside the crimson locks. You smiled at him when he noticed your presence, feeling awkward, you focused your gaze on the goofy duo.

You're barely containing your laughter when they turn their backs on you, for sure it will be something that will make Ms. Joke insecure with her banters. "Hey, why are you taking so–"

Jirou can't finish her sentence when the sparky blond abruptly faces you. You were losing it, hands on your aching stomach as unsophistacated laughs escape your mouth. Lo and behold, Kaminari with his newly styled hair, split in half as Sero's tape keep it standing. Chest puffing up and flexing his biceps while copying the familiar pro-hero's famous smile.

"That's an awful version of All Might, sparky." You said, cheeks burning up after you calmed down yourself. "Hey, you hurt my feelings, y/n." You cackled at his response, eyes rolling at his childishness.

"But I'm giving you an A plus for making us laugh though."

"Well, it's my pleasure to put a smile on your face." Eyes winking as he shoot his famous thumb gun to you. Oh god, he's really flirting at you in front of your classmates. You snort when you saw Mina playfuly raising her brows, giving you a knowing look.

Another round was immediately ended with Mina shouting the answer on top of her lungs. It was really obvious when Denki held the pervert grape boy and raised him up in the air, immediately giving away the answer for the popular pose in the Lion King.

You saw Denki walking towards you with a playful smile painted on his face. You yelp when he suddenly pulls your hand, making you stand up, guiding you to the middle. You didn't want to spoil the fun, so you just let him do what he's planning about.

"Okay, okay, this time let's change our players! Mineta, please move aside." He said shoving the tiny creature, not letting him protest. "Let the princess here shine with me."

You heard your classmates shout, the girls cheering you while giving you a thumbs up. You both looked at the whiteboard held by Momo, reading the next word to guess, you sighed.

"Oh! T-that's..." Your partner stuttered, scratching the back of his neck as he looked at you flustered. "What? That's really not hard."

It's true though. The word was simple. All they gotta do is imitate the the 'titanic pose'. "I-I..uh..okay."

He snuggled behind you, slowly wrapping his arms around your waist. Most of the girls are squeling, too excited at the scene. You raised your arms, spreading just like what Rose did, making your shirt rise a bit. You felt the sparky blond's slender fingers making contact at the little exposed skin, unknowingly sending a tiny jolts. You flinch at the ticklish feeling, leaving a gasp from your mouth. It seems that Denki's purposely tickling you through his electricity.

"Oh my god! S-stop it, Denki." You try to slap his hand away as you let another cackle. "Make me."

The game is now long forgetten when Mina decided to team up with the blind and hold both of your wrists. You're helplessly laying on the floor as he continue to tickle you. Unladylike snort escaping your lips while wagging your head, kicking your foot as you try to pry his hands away.

The class president's scolding Kaminari, hands moving robotically, but it just falls on deaf ears. Your other classmates are having a pillow fight that you didn't  who started it. The common room is now a mess.

Snarky as ever he is, the sight before him adds fuel to the raging fire inside him. The girl beside him is all smiles upon entering the famous UA. Deciding that it's better for her to tag along with him to help him chose the right path and not make mistakes again. Playing cupid and matchmaking really excites her.

"Are they having a party here?" The sweet girl whispered as he scans the now messy common room, pillows being thrown while some are tackling each other. The first thing his eyes land on is the sight of you tackled by the electric user as you laugh your lungs out.

You are really having fun.

"Oh god, are we too late?" Is he? The thought scared the fuck out of him. Your eyes widen when you spot him by the door...with the girl he's dating beside him.

"What the fuck's going on here?!" He yelled, making his classmate's head snapped towards his direction, eyeing the the two of them. Akiya waved her hand, shyly greeting them with a small 'hello'.

His jaw clench, darting eyes on his idiot blond friend. "Bakubro, you're home.." He said, acknowledging his presence as his eyes moved to the girl beside him. "...and you brought your girlfriend."

You were just fine a while ago. Laughing so hard til tomorrow. For the first time after you got rejected, you got a taste of happiness and yet the universe doesn't really want you to make the most out of it. There he was, scowl on his face as he introduce his girlfriend to the Bakusquad.

You classmates began dispersing as they went back to their own rooms, realizing that the fun has ended.

Something's really tugging your heart too hard for your own liking as if it wants to torture you with a heart ache. You didn't know that you're frozen in place like a fucking statue.

Mina crept beside you, nudging your shoulder snapping out of your trance. Denki already let you go upon seeing the fuming new arrival, throwing a glare at him. As you get a hold of yourself, you decided to go back to your room.

But the gods are not done with you, telling that you're still have an important role to fulfill. Someone screams your name, your mission of going back to the room peacefully were interrupted.

"Hey, y/n!" You muttered a curse before facing them. You wanted to raise your eyebrow, be bitchy, and act like you just didn't get your ass dumped by the man she's clinging to. Honey and flowers hit your nose when she engulfs you in a hug. You were surprised by the sudden close of proximity.

"Oh! Hey, uh, You know me?"

You internally slapped yourself at the awkwardness. Still, you're surprised that you're not a stuttering mess. Your heart leapt when your eyes met his vermillion eyes. He's fucking staring straight at you brazenly.

"Of course! Bakugou told me a lot about you." You noticed how the grumpy man opens his mouth to protest but he was shushed by his girlfriend.

"I just hope he's not dissing me." You chuckle, proud of yourself that you're still not crumbling. "No, don't worry it's the opposite actually."

"Well, that's assuring, I guess." Oh, you really want to save by someone from this awkward situation. "And I have something really, really important to say before I went home."

Soon, you found yourself trapped with the couple in your room. Bakugou is just standing by the door, arms crossed on his chest as he sigh while her girlfriend sat at the edge of your bed, moving her head as a signal for the blond to get moving. You just watched them, dumbfounded and clueless on what's going on. "We already broke up."

Your head snapped to her direction, confused. "Huh?"

You're lying if you swore that you didn't almost jump in glee upon hearing that. A bit of hope swelling inside you as you wished that it isn't some kind of prank. But you're confused, why the hell did she informed you that.

"Y/n, I just want to tell you that that man there is so dumb when it comes to feelings and emotions. I want you to listen to him. Okay, I've done my part. Now, Bakugou, it's your turn."

She said getting up, ready to leave the two of you. A smile etched on her face as she watch your confused face. "Good luck!" She whispered to his hear, giving him a playful salute before turning the knob. Now, leaving the two characters who met again in a new act.

Well, people met a lot of characters who play a different role in their lives. Most of them even minor roles will give a new meaning and lessons that will help them nurture themselves. To say the least Akiya is a character who plays an inportant role in the story. She's just there to build the climax of the tale who help the two conflicted protagonists achieved their 'happy ending'.

Taglist: @tspice283 @anime-weeb-bnha @bakugou-is-my-daddy @deneuves @shystudentcollector @nightlockowl @strangerbhnathings @toobsessedsstuff

[paradise-creator]

@ezmariest

hiiii!! I was wondering if I could request a haven box matchup? I’m rlly sorry about submitting it there was too much of a word limit in the ask thing :(

First I’m a bi curious female and I would love a romantic matchup with a male :)

Uh ok I’m really fun and like making weird or random jokes a lot, like a lot humor is kinda my coping mechanism haha😗✌️ I’m very respectful and understanding of other people and I’m really supportive. I’m enthusiastic and talkative with those I’m close with but with other people I’m vv quiet. Im also rlly laid back. A lot of people say I’m really kind or “too nice” and I love helping people or making them laugh. I have a bad tendency to hide my feeling and emotions and usually I block my problems with humor. Many have said I’m very ambitious and I have a lot of goals. I also am pretty insecure and I get down on myself way too much because of a lot of reasons but mostly bc of my high expectations and that I’m a perfectionist. I love sweets

I like goofy or weird people because then I can be myself and I like doing spontaneous and fun things. However I am an introvert so even though I love enthusiastic people, I get drained out when I hang out with too many people for too long. I also don’t like judgmental people, especially if they judge things that others can’t control or others dreams.

Hobbies: I really love sports and I’m pretty athletic. I play volleyball and think it’s fun but my main sport is definetly basketball. I really love drawing and I also love writing. And music is kind of the love of my life and you will always see me daydreaming with my earbuds in just listening to music.

Appearance: I have very long hair that’s really light brown, greenish gray eyes, and rounder features. I’m around 5’8 1/2 and I have an hourglass body but with MUCH more on my thighs and butt😃🤚I and athletic body type and I would say I look ✨sturdy✨and I’m pretty thin everywhere but my thighs and butt like I’ve said before. I value comfort in clothes at the moment so sweatpants and hoodies or just oversized stuff are kinda my go to. However I do want to have a better style which would kinda be a mix of “art hoe” and “alt girl” ahsjhja

Some fun facts about me:

*I love sweets, especially chocolate, and I love nighttime.

*I’m constantly daydreaming and doodling and I get called out on it by my friends.

*I want to be an animator for Disney Pixar when I’m older and My goal is to go to cal arts for college.

*A couple of my favorite songs are eight wonder (lemon demon), rue (girl in red), any mother mother song (but especially “oh Ana”) , and rhinestone eyes (gorillaz)

Ahh sorry I didn’t realize how long this was, thank you so much!! <33

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ɴᴏᴡ ʟᴏᴀᴅɪɴɢ

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Hello and Welcome my Starlight!

The Haven box includes:

- Match up

- Sun drop

- Old habits die hard

- His lil' mama

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

I'd match you up with

Nishinoya Yuu, Karasuno's Guardian

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Sun drops

The reasons why I paired you

- SUGAWARA WON'T LEAVE MY MIND AND HE'S ONE OF THE RUNNER UPS XD

- My first thought was Nishinoya but Ushijima and Sugawara said "No ❤️"

- But in the end, I choose Noya!

- You both would just be so cute! Like Yes please

- To him it doesn't matter that you are taller. HE LOVE YOU FOR YOUUUUUUUUUU

-He might be loud and energetic but he really respects your boundaries

- Though, you might have to take care of him more than the other way around, it's a good dynamic

- VERY BALANCED DYNAMIC RIGHT HERE

- You both if often just joke around and it's entertaining really

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Old habits die hard 

Random head canons

-You and Noya would have two day SPECIFICALLY for date time and/or Sharing time

-Those two days depends per week and schedule but there has to be TWO days

-In these days you both would just share your thoughts and feelings

-Noya, being a libero, has a tendency to be observant so he’ll know when you’re down

-He’ll joke around with you to lift up the mood but he will turn serious if needed

-C U D D L E S are a must for dates!

-He doesn’t care that you are taller than him, he actually loves it! (He loves being big spoon tho!)

-JUST LET HIM LOVE YOUUUUUUUU Like please

- He will do anything for your attention, (please just pay attention to him)

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

His Lil' mama

“Lil’ mama! My team wants to meet you. Up for it?” Noya asked his taller lover. He then wrapped his arm around her waist as waited for her answer. “If you want too, sure! I don’t mind,” She replied with a smile. “That’s great! Let’s go!” He then said as he dragged her to the gym. “Wait! Like right now!” She replied as she tried to keep her balance. “Yes! Like right now~” Noya said enthusiastically. Some students stared at the taller female in pity. Nishinoya maybe a well of guy but with someone so shy at first glance, it’s hard to imagine their relationship. “Oh c’mon now babe! Don’t back on me now,” Noya said as he stopped. “I just really want to prove to the guys that you exist and not just a replacement for our goddess!” He declared as he held her hand. “I love you more than the goddess!” He added as he kissed her hand.

The greenish grey eyed girl blush a bit and looked away. The whole school can see how whipped Noya is for this girl. As much as it was a surprised for everyone on how Noya got a girlfriend but at least now Kiyoko has one less thing to worry about. “Let’s go rolling thunder to the gym so I can show you off to my pals,” Noya said as they continued but with a slower pace this time. Once they both reached the gym, everyone froze as they realized that the female was way taller. “That’s just sad. Noya is shorter than his own girlfriend,” Tsukkishima teased. “AND SO? I LOVE IT THAT WAY!” Noya barked. “This is my lil’ mama! My love! MY ONE AND ONLY SO DON’T STEAL HER AWAY!” He added as he smirked. Now his girl was behind him, kind of regretting the decision of coming but it made him happy so it was worth it. “Hello there,” She said with a small wave.

“WOW! NOYA-SAN! HOW DID YOU GET SUCH A BEAUTIFUL GIRL??” Hinata asked as he looked at the female. As time went by, the libero and his lil’mama got along with everyone. It was a bit strange at first as Noya has a girl now. And he isn’t all over Kiyoko like he used to but he still is Noya. The team enjoyed the presence and aura of the two. It was somewhat comforting. Once the whole get together and practice ended, Noya walked his girl home. “So, what did ya think? I’m pretty cool on court, ya?” Noya asked as he looked at her eyes. “You were awesome~ Can I watch your practice from now own?” She asked as she hook their arms together. Noya blushed a bit and smiled brightly. “Of course you can, Babe! No one’s stopping you,” He then said as he kissed her cheek. “Plus, having you there, I have my own cheerleader to keep me motivated,” He added as he chuckled. “So I won’t be a distraction?” She asked teasingly as she remembered what happened a few moments ago.

“OKAY LOOK I WAS ADMIRING YOUR BEAUTY AND FORGOT I WAS ON COURT!” Noya said as he huffed. “Plus, I receive the ball anyway. So I did my job,” He added with a soft smile. And then he knew that she was the one for him. Forever and always, that’s what he believes.

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

Author's note

I'm sorry if it took so long! I was at school. But I hope you enjoy this one and thanks for requesting~

[strideofpride]

#and i think it's an interesting motif#serena arriving to the party saying 'everyone here knows me'#and then two girls pretend to be her. and nobody can tell it's not her#they know her but nobody sees her#and the progression on serena taking jenny admiring her as a compliment#vs serena looking at ivy 'you're serena van der woodsen''that doesn't mean what you think it means'#plus now the insecurity that she can be replaced and she doesn't know what to do outside her role as the golden girl (via @blairwld)

but also the show being like 'here's another blonde....could be a serena....' something something the It Girl being interchangeable like serena left and came back but was she Missed? (other than by the people that loved her) (via @terrainofheartfelt)

There’s only one Serena Van der Woodsen. Yeah, no, not tonight