#plus i couldn't if i wanted to (is still under control of my mother

[lightnersdream-archive]

end goal btw

[cowgurrrl]

i love oftm fam so much 🥹 i would love literally any updates on them :)

OFTM GANG RISE UP 🗣️🗣️🗣️

How Could I Not Love You?

Pairing: rockstar!joel miller x actress!reader

Author’s note: this isn’t my favorite but I miss them desperately

Summary: “You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.” [2.5k]

Warnings: newborn stuff, angst, the Garcia-Long family coming in clutch, god they are so in love it hurts, smutty dialogue toward the end but no smut because I chickened out

You don't know that you've ever been this tired. The girls have been in the world for a whopping two and a half months, and you feel like you've been awake for the entirety of those two months. None of the Miller kids are particularly good sleepers— even Sarah didn't sleep through the night until she was two and a half, which Joel conveniently forgot to tell you when you talked about having kids— but with the addition of the girls, it feels much harder. They wake up at different times throughout the night to feed, get changed, or be held, which complicates the rotation. Also, Sam's sleep schedule has regressed, and he's up at random times. Having three under five is not all it's cracked up to be.

You love Joel, and you love watching him be a dad, but your relationship has suffered through the just-barely-surviving stage of having newborns. You try to make time to watch a movie or just talk, but whenever you do, someone starts crying. Even if you're able to sit down for more than five minutes without a kid needing something, you're half-asleep and in no shape for a conversation. 

It didn't hit you how much of a toll it's taken on you until you were up for one of the late-night feeds with Violet, and he lay there, watching you through the darkness. You turned to look at him and reached out with your free hand to smooth down some stray hair. He smiled sleepily and turned to kiss your wrist before whispering, "I miss you." You wanted to say that he doesn't need to miss you, and you're right there, but you weren't. Not really.

"I miss you, too," you whispered back, feeling the sting of the truth on the back of your tongue. You wanted to say more—to remind him how much you love him and tell him how you couldn't do this without him—but Sophia's tinny cry closed the window of opportunity before it could fully open. 

You love your kids. You couldn't imagine anything better than watching them grow and interact with each other. They are so wanted and loved, but it still feels really fucking hard. You're sitting on the couch, feeding a baby while Joel bounces another and plays Army men with Sam, feeling like a horrible wife and mother, when the lock turns on your front door and your second family enters.

Carolina, Ryan, Elizabeth, Victoria, and Penelope descend upon your living room like well-meaning vultures, and you give them a confused look. Penelope immediately runs to Sam, and they embrace in their awkward toddler way before they scurry off to his room to play. Victoria, now nine and looking more like Carolina every day, gushes over Daisy. Elizabeth, in her teenage grace, plops down next to you on the couch and squeezes you, trying not to disturb Sophia too much.

"What are you doing here?" You ask Carolina, looking at her like she's a saint, and she smiles. 

"I heard you could use a break," she says. You're about to argue with her and insist that you've got everything under control, but she stops you. "We have two and a half adults, play buddies for Sam and Daisy, and nothing to do for the rest of the day. Plus, I've been itching to hold a baby." She explains. You turn to look back at Joel, who is now babyless and standing next to a baby-equipped Ryan, and give him a look.

"Did you do this?" You ask.

"Would it be the worst thing in the world if we went to dinner alone?" Just the idea of an actual dinner is enough to make you waver. You've both been living off of takeout and Sam's leftovers since the girls were born, and you're dying for a change of scenery. There's more than enough frozen breastmilk in the fridge for the girls, and they're at ease with their aunt and uncle. Sam is ecstatic to have someone to play with, and Daisy looks excited to get some attention. Surely, a few hours couldn't hurt. 

"Fine, but you can't make me wear pants." 

"Wouldn't dream of it," Joel says. Once Sophia is done feeding, you hand her off to Carolina and show Elizabeth where everything is. They don't need a rundown of everything a newborn needs, but it makes you feel better to ramble about their routine to make sure it all gets done. 

With all the kids placated, you and Joel sneak off to your room to change out of the clothes you've been wearing for God knows how long. You put on a maxi dress and spray dry shampoo in your hair while Joel buttons up a nice shirt. 

"Thank you," you say as you put on earrings, glancing at him in the mirror. “You didn't have to do this." He gives you a confused look but shakes it off with a quick kiss to your cheek.

"I wanted to. You deserve a break."

"We deserve a break," you correct, and he hums as he wraps an arm around your waist. Even though he hasn't been dealing with postpartum and breastfeeding problems, he's still been in the trenches with you. For a quiet minute, you stand together and take a breath for the first time in months. Yeah, you desperately needed this. 

You quickly finish getting ready before your plans can get thwarted and are shooed out of the house by Carolina and Ryan. They promise to text you updates and have everyone in bed on time, but don't pressure you to come home early. "We've got this," Carolina says with enough conviction that you can believe her. Still, your anxiety spikes once you're down the driveway, and you have to convince yourself that everything is okay. Joel grabbing your hand and asking you a question pleasantly distracts you. 

The autumn sun slowly sets over the California hills and casts a golden glow over Joel's face, catching the grays in his hair and beard beautifully. He's fifty now and older than he ever thought he'd be. He told you as much on the night of his birthday, along with his fears of being an older dad and husband. "I just don't wanna miss anythin'," he said. You reminded him that he was only fifty and he's in exceptional health for someone who spent most of his thirties and forties making music and bouncing around the world on tours. Plus, aging looks good on him. 

You talk about little things like how he's scribbled lyrics onto a notepad he keeps beside the bed or how Daisy has adjusted to having three little kids around instead of one. You're in the middle of saying something when he makes a familiar turn, and you can't stop the laugh from leaving you as the restaurant comes into view. 

"Are you serious?" You ask, looking at him with a big smile, and he shrugs.

"What?" He asks, as if he's not stopping in front of the restaurant where you had your first (contractually obligated) date. 

"Joel, we haven't been here in…" you trail off as you do the mental math before gasping. It's ten years to the day of your first date. Guilt immediately pools at the base of your spine, but Joel just sits there with a smirk on his face. "Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I didn't even realize. I've been so caught up with Sammy and the girls and-" he leans over the center console and kisses you before you can continue rambling. 

Normally, you make it a point to remember days like this. Your first date, breaking up, getting back together, getting engaged, getting married, all of it. That's why it's so shocking that you forgot about it, and on a milestone year, no less. 

"I'm so sorry." You say, and he shakes his head. 

"I didn't say anything, so it could be a surprise," he says. "I called Caro and Ryan about a month ago to set this up, and I rented out the whole restaurant, so it's just us. We don't have to worry about cameras or fans or anythin'." 

Of fucking course, he would do something like this. You sigh and drop your head to his shoulder. 

"I didn't even get you anything." You mumble guiltily. He chuckles and kisses your temple.

"You just had two of my kids. I think that's more than enough." He says. You could spiral about feeling like a bad partner (how could you forget when your life together started?), but you have plenty of time for that. For dinner, however, you're on the clock. So, you push the thoughts away for now and stare at your husband fondly.

"I love you so much it's stupid," you say, and he smiles.

"Right back atcha, baby." He says. Much like he did on your first date, he gets out first and gives the car keys to the valet before opening your door for you. You take his arm and walk into the restaurant with him. There's no need for a hostess since there's only one table set up in the space, and it's impossible to miss it. Beautiful flowers surround the table, already set with a bottle of wine and a bouquet of red roses like the ones he turned up at your door with. He pulls your chair out for you and steals a kiss before moving to the other side of the table. Light, romantic music plays over the speakers, and the candle flickers in the middle of the table. It's perfect. 

The bottle of wine is from the year you were married, and it has a special label bearing both your names. You haven't had any wine for almost a year, and Joel, knowing this, evidently pulled out all the stops. He pours each of you a glass and raises it in a toast. "Thanks for going on a second date with me," he says, and you laugh. 

"Thanks for giving me a reason to." You say and clink your glass against his. The wine is amazing, and it's not just because you haven't had any in so long. You spend some time catching up with each other and talking about nothing important until a very nice waiter comes by to take your orders. Besides the waiter coming and going, you're left alone with Joel, with nobody crying or asking you for anything. It's nice, if not a little strange. 

You take your time eating and drinking and giving Joel your full attention. You laugh together and get butterflies when he kisses your hand or brushes his knee against yours. It's a little silly to get so worked up over such small gestures, but it's been a hot second since you've had adult time, so you figure it's fair. God forbid you still find your husband attractive. 

In the middle of dessert, a special request of Texas Trash Pie— which doesn't come close to his mother's but is still delicious— you look up from the dish and find whipped cream in his beard. You snort a laugh at the sight, and Joel furrows his brows.

"What?" He chuckles. You gather your napkin in your hands and reach out to wipe his face, not unlike you do with your son, and he blushes a little when he realizes what was making you laugh. "Can't believe you still like a mess like me." He says before taking another bite and somehow getting more on his face. Once you're full and pleasantly tipsy from the wine, you scoot your chair closer to Joel, and his hand finds a home on your thigh. 

You can't stop staring at him. You track the changes you've watched unfold over the past decade: a little more grey on his temples, the creases next to his eyes a little more prominent, and his hair a little longer. He still has that indescribable sparkle in his eye that you think can only be a product of his joy. Your heart squeezes when it only intensifies as he looks at you. 

"We've been together a long time," you say, and he hums. "Ten years, five kids, one dog, three finished albums, and one in the works."

"And four movies, an Academy Award, and how many others?" Joel chimes in, never the one to just accept praise, and you roll your eyes playfully.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever," you say, making him smile. You grab his left hand and trace his gold wedding band back and forth and back and forth a few times before you look at him again. "I mean, considering everything, we've done pretty well for ourselves. Can you handle ten more years with me?"

"I'd take a hundred more years with you." He says so quickly it takes your breath away. "I'd do it all over again if it meant this would be our life." 

"Even though we have to change shitty diapers and get no sleep?" You ask, the question betraying the sudden tears, and he laughs.

"There are worse things." Like thinking you'll never see each other again. Like running out of time. Like never seeing him in our children's faces. Yeah, there are much worse things. You take a deep breath and squeeze his hand. 

"I love you." You whisper like you told him you missed him not even a week ago. 

"I love you, too." He whispers back as he kisses you sweetly. The waiter lets you linger for another half an hour before dropping the check and very politely tells you they'll be closing soon. Joel leaves a big tip as an apology for staying so late and personally thanks all the staff who worked to make this possible. He's all Southern charm and manners, even as you leave the restaurant and wait for the car. 

"Thank you for tonight." You say, and Joel gives you a look. 

"Y'know, we don't have to go back just yet. The kids are all in bed. Carolina and Ryan said to enjoy each other." He says, and you squint at him, a smirk pulling on your lips.

"And what would we do with all that extra time?" 

"I might've reserved a room in a hotel nearby, just in case. We can order breakfast to the room early and be home before the kids wake up." 

"Do Caro and Ryan know about this?" You ask, but you already know the answer. You scoff a little and shake your head before stepping close to him. "You must've been really desperate to fuck your wife to plan all this, huh?" Your lips brush against the shell of his ear, and you swear, you feel him shudder. 

"Don't worry, baby. I'm gonna take such good care of you."  

TAGLIST: @abbyhaslongshorts @kiwiharrykiwi @sumsworldz @myloveistoolittle @anavatazes @marantha @cosmoscoffeee @shyminnie07 @beezusvreeland @eddiemunsonsbedroom @harriedandharassed @doodlebob-mp3 @ignorethksplz2004 @buckyispunk @d1lf-loverrr @vee-bees-blog @moel-jiller @anoverwhelmingdin @casssiopeia @maried01 @acupofhollie

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

When are you able to tell that emotional abuse is mutual (perpetuated by both sides)? I do the same things to my mother that she does to me (implicitly threatening physical abuse by moving closer, starting arguments with her, calling her demeaning names, ect). She said that I was emotionally abusing her, and that terrified me. I only act that way around her, but I really don't want to ever act that way. I know that I start the majority of the arguments. Where's the line between a fight response to emotional abuse, reactive abuse, and just abusing someone? How do I stop acting like this? (I'm over 18 for context, by the way).

Oh man, anon this sounds really tough, and I understand how scary it can be to find yourself trying to break these kinds of cycles.

You're gonna get an answer that isn't necessarily actionable for you yet, but I'll do my best:

It will not be helpful for you to try and figure out "when the emotional abuse is mutual" because ultimately that's not really how emotional abuse works. Instead you need to be able to have a conversation with yourself about form and function. *why* are you and your mom both leaning on these kinds of interactions and behaviors? What behaviors and interactions would you prefer to lean on and why? What do you need to get there.

I have no doubt that some of the choices you end up making can be hurtful or harmful to others, because that's true of everyone, but the idea of mutual abuse comes from the nuance that unreasonable behavior can BE reasonable under certain circumstances, not from an honest truth about victims and survivors being blamed for their own history of abuse.

For what it's worth, we cannot learn what we have never been taught, and one of the biggest "hurt people will hurt people" outcomes in abuse is that people don't learn how to regulate their own emotions. A personal disclosure for the sake of example:

My wife and I both come from households where emotional and ohysical abuse was common, and where the avoidance of acknowledging this truth led to SEVERE alcoholism on the part of our parents. Addiction is often the outcome of feeling totally unable to endure your life safely, and both my wife and I understood that our parents loved us, but lacked the emotional skills to stop inflicting their fear and pain on us. We tried to help them, cut them off, reunified, set boundaries, and a million other things, but ultimately these are our parents. We cannot force them to get help.

But what about ourselves? What about five years in when we started fighting, and fights turned into screaming and throwing things? What about the day I moved too suddenly in an argument and my wife legitimately believed for a moment I was going to hit her? What about the way we would say our cruelest feelings to each other before finding out what they meant? What could we do about that?

The answer has been....complicated. I've been in therapy my whole life, and that will likely never change due to my lifelong severe and disabling symptoms, regardless of trauma. So for a while I tried to "fix myself". That helped, but not enough, and it made me painfully aware of what I needed to be different in my life without actually goving me the skills to change it. We tried family therapy, and that helped a lot! We started to learn more about how to talk to each other about things. Our therapist kept trying to get me to understand how much control I was trying to have over our life though, and that wasn't super tolerable at the time because I felt so helpless to intentionally seek an outcome at all times, plus therapy is expensive and we couldn't really afford to meet with our therapist as often as we needed to.

But this year has been different. We definitely had some fights early on, but no one really even raised their voice. *once* I started getting aggro, then stopped myself and said "I can't keep talking about this right now and still be kind" and I just. Walked away. Went upstairs for a few hours. Came back when that wasn't true and I'd done some journaling to better understand what I needed. Once, wifey started blocking doorways while trying to restart a conflict convo, but when I pointed it out she was able to go "that wasn't intentional/conscious choice on my part I was trying to get your attention" and I was able to say "yes, I understand, but how did you choose to get my attention" and she got a little pale for a second and agreed "yeah, I stood in front of your walking path and blocked it, I'm really sorry."

Like. We will probably always have fuck ups or overwhelm moments. Just last night I got snippy because I was getting overstimulated really suddenly and couldn't steady out, and wifey was visibly hurt by how I was talking to her and I didn't WANT to apologize I wanted to be like "this isn't about you but you're helping!!!!" And then I took a deep breathe and said "I'm sorry, I'm being mean, this isn't at you, but still" and wifey felt better! Because I acknowledged I was lashing out a bit. And she offered to snuggle while I listened to my headphones for a bit, and what do you know, I felt WAAAY better in like 20min. From that point on we were laughing and smiling and having a blast.

I'll be real, learning a lot of the skills it has taken to get here felt really fucking painful. When you have been abused, your abuser's framework of the world (filtered through all the cruelty they feel from the world, all the hurt and humiliation they carry about themselves and others, etc) is inflicted on you like a cage. At first you might fight the cage, try and break out of it. But after a while you stop even really thinking about it. You don't walk far enough across it to run into the bars anymore and maybe you even convince yourself it's not there anymore. Maybe you really do start to dismantle it, but all you get is room to lean out of the cage, grab something you need, and retreat back into it. The bulk of the cage remains, gnarled and sharp and broken in the mind, wounding you again every time you stumble into it. And it can be hard to realize how different the world really looks and feels once that stops being true.

I want to encourage you to put boundaries and physical space to facilitate those boundaries between you and your mom for a while, maybe even get the fuck out of that house if you can. But see if you are able to be a different person with others. What is different about those others but also about YOU in those moments such that you're able to act and feel differently?

I also want to encourage you to start becoming really aware of your breathing. It sounds like a nothing skill, but the thing is, hyperventilation and short sharp breaths can make our agitation worse, and those of us with trauma histories often experience physiological constriction secondary to our ANS dysregulation, often bad enough to physically restrict our breath. It is WILD gow much easier it is to keep calm under pressure when you don't immediately get so tense you can barely breathe. I started by just noticing and counting my breath, and what I realized is that I never breathe more then like 2-3secs in and out, which is WAAAY too short. So my first goal was box breathing. In through the nose for 4 count, hold for 4 count, out through the mouth for 4, hold for 4, repeat. This gradually forced my body to learn how to breathe normally again. Once that pattern was even comfortable to do (it took months to be able to inhale for more than 2secs without pain) I started just using it EVERY time I noticed ny breath. Usually my breath was tight, but the more I did it the less often that was true. My breathing is still often constricted, but no where near as badly, and it's often a little easier now for me to have the thought "nothing productive can happen until I calm down" and then ACT on it.

Now I can't control other people. My wife has been GREAT about trying to grow with me here. My mother? She still barely tolerates me walking through this stuff with her if I couch it entirely in "I'm worried about YOU" and make myself and my hurt invisible in the conversation. This means that if I ever get too close to accountability with her, she gets angry and lashes out. But good news! I've been doing this with her for about 4 yrs now, and last year she started apologizing to me, unprompted, when she has recognized that happened. She has literally never in my life done this. During a family reintegration session she had once fully told the therapist "I think if you apologize to children, you teach them to disrespect adults" and the therapist looked at her and said "that is one of the most cruel things I've ever heard a parent say about their child". So this is growth! Is it enough???? Who knows. But I'm in my 30s and haven't lived with my mother since my 17th birthday, and only talk to her for like 2hrs a month at most now. So like. Her role in my life is now such that this is tolerable for me actually. Some of that (very little of that) is due to actual growth on her part. Mostly, it's me. I'm safer in my life, I have more effective (for me) boundaries with the people I choose to make room for. I know how to walk away from things that are escalating. I know how to wind through "the feelings that come first that are tainted by trauma and rage and betrayal" to "the feelings that indicate a need or want going unmet" to "how to communicate those feelings to others in a way that actually conveys useful meaning".

It can sound, when I say this stuff, like I'm blaming myself for what my mother has done. But quite the opposite. It was HER JOB to raise me, care for me, and TEACH ME THESE SKILLS. If she lacked them, parenting classes, therapy, peer support, and so many other things were available to her. Were all of them actually functional? No, but plenty were and I know this for a fact. When I was in high school, I finally started making friends. My mother has ALWAYS been closer with the emotionally abusive parent of one friend than to the 3 other parents involved in those kids lives who knew how to have healthy conversations with their kids. One friend, with two parents who loved each other well, loved their kids well, and loved me well, my mother barely ever talked to these people. Mrs L never said a bad word about my mom, but she also never let me hear a bad word said about me in her home, even if my mom was the one saying it. She would just quietly and gently redirect the conversation and subtly give me a reason to leave the room.

It is notable to me that my mother saw this and became upset about what I must be saying to Mrs. L rather than noticing how well the other woman was parenting me and learning from it. Mrs L would NEVER have shamed her for it, I know that, but my mother was too ashamed to even admit to herself she was failing to be an appropriate parent. That is HER FAILURE, not mine. I was a fucking child.

But I'm not now. And if I blame her forever for how I act to others in my life, than I really AM doing the same thing as her. Because it's not the yelling or the lashing out! Everyone does that! I've learned that it really is true everyone has bad days like that! But most people understand they still need to curcle back, apologize, and repair any harm caused by their venting. I can learn how to do that too, even if it sometimes feels like there's something wrong with me for needing to. That feeling is the shame creeping back in and I already know that shame is a paralytic for me here.

One day, anon, you will have the chance to learn these skills and to make the little changes in your environment that help you start to access your autonomy again. When that happens, you will be able to start deciding how you value acting or reacting at any given time. The changes will smow ball, and you will wake one day realizing you no longer experience the bulk of your life as an attack or assault. Things will relax. Improve. Stabilize. And reorient a little at a time forever.

In the meantime, just remember that nothing is forever, including this relationship with your mom.

[jor-elsemissary]

President Kent

I know Lex doesn't remember his past. But like here me out.

Lex: Man I can't believe you're marrying my father.

Lex: Why?

Martha: Because I love him.

Lex: My god have mercy on your soul.

Clark: Lex!

Lex: Why are you booing me I'm right!

Clark: That's still not nice.

Lex: He's your problem now!

Martha: *rolls eyes*

Alexander Joseph Luthor stared at the expensive invitation in disbelief. The linen texture of the card and the rose gold leaf felt odd under his fingertips, not because of its quality but because he could not believe this was happening despite the proof being in his hands. He has known that his father was in love with Martha Kent--had been for years as far as he could remember these days--but it was the fucking President of the United States!

Had this been given to him years ago when his journals had said he had cared about the Kents, he would have believed his father was trying to gain something from then Senator Kent. He still believed it to some degree, but he wasn't sure anymore. With the way his journals painted his father, the man was a controlling bastard he had tried to murder once, who sought power and wealth unabashedly. But something had changed him and he hadn't been certain whether it was for the better or for the worse.

His journals eventually seemed to go into a downward spiral, talking about secret societies his father had been a part of and alien conspiracies here in Kansas alone! He couldn't trust his own written word at that point, but a part of him suspected that there was an ounce of truth in them.

He just wasn't sure what that truth was or whether he wanted to really know.

But he does know this. He had been friends with Clark Kent and had been on good terms with Martha Kent, almost viewed her as a second mother. She had been kind toward him and gave him the benefit of doubt while her husband had judged him because of who his father had been. It had irritated him that his father's reputation had hindered any efforts to make friends in Smallville.

It irritated him even now. Subconsciously he knew he shouldn't trust his father and that the man was not as loving as he would have wanted. He was not Jonathan Kent, but he also wasn't the worse dad out there either. But he did come pretty damn close to being so.

Lex flipped over the invitation where additional information was given to make a reservation if he was going to accept the invitation. He was allowed to bring a plus one with him and he was expected to wear a suit and tie at least. He wasn't sure if he was going to attend or not. It was his father's wedding after all, even if he was marrying the current President.

That alone was a good enough reason if he was honest with himself. He had been debating on whether or not he should try again to run for the White House. Martha Kent had been a formidable opponent last time and had won with his father's backing, and he knows she'll be difficult to defeat this time around too. She was popular, her ratings were up and she had kept some of her campaign promises and set in motion a few others.

He would be hard pressed to win against a sitting president like that.

The wedding would give him the opportunity to meet and greet important players in the political arena, maybe even get a feel of the environment to see if there was anything he could use against her. No matter how popular a politician was, there would always be someone who quietly held a grievance or two.

Lex flipped the invitation back over and smiled wickedly to himself, "Alright, Dad, I'll bite. I'll make this a wedding you won't ever forget." He dropped the invitation onto his desk and turned to look out at Metropolis. He would attend and feel for potential allies among those invited and plant the seeds of doubt that would grow and feed his future campaign.

A small part of him disliked the idea of hurting Martha Kent, but he decided she made the choice to fall in love with his father and marry him and so she would have to face the consequences of her allegiances.

Those who allied with Lionel Luthor were his enemies in the end.

[imhereforscm]

"Photography of happiness"

Genre: fluff

Pairing: Karno × reader

Warnings: none

For the fluffbruary event (@fluffbruary )

A/N: What I basically wanted to do in this fic is, portray those moments, when you and your partner are just DYING from laughter! I love you all!!!💗💗💗💗

Prompts: photography | pepper | truffles (Day 21/2024)

--------------------------------------------

You sat down on your chair, opposite of Karno and placed your plate on the table. "I probably filled up my plate a bit too much, but..." You chuckled, shaking your head. "These truffles looked delicious."

"Don't humans say breakfast is the most important meal of the day?" He smiled, taking a sip of his coffee, which was devoid of all sugar. "Plus, this hotel cooks wonderful things. I can understand the need to taste as many as you can." He set his cup down and continued speaking, his dark eyes enchanting you with their rich color. "I liked the dinner they served yesterday."

You nodded, the sweet taste of the cocoa exploding in your mouth the second you bit into the truffle. "True." You replied after swallowing. "I liked their steak a lot."

He hummed, listening to your words, as he took another sip of his coffee. "Except..."

"What?" You asked, staring at him expectantly, your attention unwavering from his porcelain face. The dinning hall was overflowing with noise and the occasional clattering of silverware against plates, as the residents of the hotel enjoyed their first meal of the day, bringing life to the room, even though some of them were still sleepy.

"You know..." Karno shrugged his shoulders, gazing at you. "They could've made their dishes a bit more spicy. Maybe not all of them, but at least some of them."

You shook your head from side to side and sighed audibly. "Honey, your 'a bit' is the equivalent of knocking half of the people here unconscious."

"Come on..." He casted his eyes to the side. "It wouldn't be that bad."

"You're right," You said, supposedly agreeing with him. "it'd be even worse. All of the people here would loose consciousness." He made a little pout and you broke into a smile, that widened to a grin. "Karno...!" You laughed, your eyes squinting by your broad grin. "Honey, please, don't pout!"

He turned to stare at you from the corner of his eye and just as your laugh had calmed down, it intensified again. He broke into a smile himself, yours being contagious and stunningly vibrating. "You're certainly glowing when it comes to making fun of my taste buds."

"No, I would never..." But even as you tried to speak, your cackles made it hard to and Karno couldn't help, but follow along with your amusement, even though it was against him. "I would never! And I mean, never make fun of your deceased taste buds. That wouldn't be nice...!"

Karno folded his hands before his chest, laying back against the backrest of his chair and trying his hardest to suppress a smile, but the tears at the corners of his eyes proved his struggle. "Well," He began speaking, voice trembling by the laughter. "if you're provoking me..." He reached out and took ahold of the small bottle of pepper from the table.

Your eyes remained wide, your hand going to your mouth as you witnessed him sprinkle pepper all over his truffles. "Kar-oh, my god..." You made a theatrical gasping sound, watching him pick up a seasoned truffle and bringing it to his mouth. "Karno, is there something you want to talk about?" You asked, bursting out laughing a second after.

Karno chuckled, practically giggling himself, as he bent forward over the table.

You leaned in as well and he spoke in a low voice, once he had swallowed.

"The family of four to your right..." He paused, trying to keep his laughter under control. "I just watched the father and the mother look at me with the most terrified gazes."

You snorted, burying your lips into your hands as you laughed as quietly as possible, as to not disturb the rest of the residents during their breakfast and soon enough, tears were filling up your eyes.

Karno sat up straight again and took a sip of his coffee, his lips quivering into a smile around the rim of his cup as he did so. His eyes looked at you and softened, affection coloring his expression and becoming its perfect description. He reached a hand out towards you and you placed your hand in his, on top of the table, allowing him to wrap his fingers around it and trace the back of it with his thumb. "My ophelia, you truly are the photography of happiness, right now."

[thaliajoy-blog]

Best Targ Women ! Needed to make my ranking for some reason.

1) Daenerys Targaryen (best girl ever may she live and prosper). She's every goddess ever.

2) Rhaena Targaryen (black bride) : iconic reserved lesbian who goes out of her mind sometimes in really impressive ways. Compares herself to the woman who ruined her life. Has tons of girlfriends (goals). Dies probably sad, almost alone. Hates most of her family anyways.

3) Rhaenyra Targaryen : So perfect in her imperfections. Loving mother, unquestionable heir to the Iron Throne, privileges gone to her head, political disaster in many aspects. Hate her, love her, she can't really leave you indifferent.

4) Aerea Targaryen : first female Targ heir, absolute teenage chaos on two foot intent on making the world a hell for those she disliked. Is living under the name of her twin sister (who lives under hers), which identity wise must be real weird for a kid. Horrifying death that will give you nightmares.

5) Elaena Targaryen : I need to know everything about her life it's criminal we don't. But she was the boss & controlled the economy. She was hot at 70.

6) Daena Targaryen : I need to know everything about her life like seriously (2). Rebellion ! Her brazen legacy haunted house Targaryen forever. Still does.

7) Alysanne Targaryen : She's not perfect, but she did a hell of a lot for Westeros and women, and stood by her principles (equality for women in matters of inheritance and education).

8) Naerys Targaryen : She just has something special. A magnificent aura of doom & religion.

9) Visenya Targaryen : love hate relationship with Visenya. She's so interesting but also she wrecked the life of my best girl Rhaena & raised her son to be a psycho tyrant misogynist (which is a great part of why she's interesting cause like WTF girl).

10) Rhaena of Pentos : cute cute cute girl. Has a pink dragon she probably named either by watching the sun rises or to make a clever metaphor (it is a clever metaphor !). Has a sense of duty. Is the opposite of her brazen twin Baela. Last dragonrider till Daenerys.

Plus, Targaryen women with potential (but not much action/info on them) :

- Aelora Targaryen whose story just begs to be told in full. Cause like, accidentelly killing your brother ? Being heir to the Iron throne afterwards anyway ? Damn.

- Jaehaera Targaryen, as the neurodivergent and ironically female heir of the famously misogynistic faction of the Dance of Dragons. Like come on.

- Baela Targaryen : Okay we do know about her and her character I just couldn't fit her in the top ; I'm mainly interested in the hypothetical/headcanon dilemna she could have had in the Velaryon succession matter. Mainly between being legally the heir to Driftmark & by it possibly independant (which suits her character), and her betrothal & fondness towards Jace (and future as queen consort). Along that of course, thoughts over women's rights & bastards' place.

- Rhaella Targaryen (sister to Aerea) cause like inside on the faith + similar identity crisis worthy situation. Like technically the legitimate heir to the throne during Jaehaerys' reign.

- Daenys the Dreamer : like OF COURSE. I have headcanons. Of course I want to know more about her prophecies & her character. Or make it all up if I can't have it.

- Shiera Seastar ; I mean we don't actually know that much about the lady. She was witchy and liked by Bloodraven. Then what ? Then what. She was maybe the Westerosi Elizabeth Báthory. Then what.

- Daenerys of Dorne : really want to know what her time in Dorne was like. After all, her marriage was of historical proportions and she's implied to have had some good notions in ruling. Also how did she feel about the Blackfyre rebellion ?

- Helaena Targaryen : I do like making up headcanon about her lately. Gentle, spineless, lonely, crazy, crazed for life but kept inside a cage. Betrayed her sister, under difficult circumstances. But where they ever sisters in any real sense ?

[dyslexicandakeyboard]

Very unpopular opinions about Gone Girl (the film because it's very different from the book).

Nick didn't feel remorse for cheating on Amy. The shit he said in the interview was a ploy to get her out of hiding to clear his name. He was manipulating her. Nothing he said in that interview was truthful (like I'm pretty sure he later admits)

Amy was a ticking time bomb. There were already hints that Amy was dropping her Cool Girl persona since they moved to Missouri. Even if Nick didn't cheat, sooner or later, she would have gone-girl-ed his ass.

Nick also had the equivalent of a Cool Girl persona. The recession led him to drop it.

Amy telling Nick she got her parents out of debt with her trust fund mirrors when Nick moved them to Missouri. With out consulting the other party and not letting them voice their opinion. It showed that they both contributed to the unhealthiness of the relationship.

Amy was always in control of the relationship, especially when things were going to shit. She owned his job, probably the house and controlled all the finances. Pretty sure Nick's whole upset with the prenup thing is that Amy does control the finances.

Desi Collings is just like Amy just in a different font.

Nick was not as bad as Amy IN THE MOVIE. I know, crucify me. He's a cheat, lazy, has no ambitions, slightly misogynistic, sleeps with his student who is half his age. But, none of these are crimes (Andie was over the age of consent but's it's immoral. He's a pig). Amy commits crimes and wastes police resources. She kills a man not in self-defence, fakes a rape accusation, (tries to) frames Nick for kidnapping and murdering her, stole his sperm and impregnated herself. Plus, she's also slightly misogynistic and classist. Movie!Nick and Movie!Amy are not comparable. Yes, they are both awful people but Amy defiantly is the worst. Book Nick seems to be just as bad. Again book doesn't equal movie.

Amy was always a psychopath saying Nick drove her to psychopathy or any other version of this is quite dumb ngl and ignores Tommy O'Hara. Hell, her actions with Tommy makes me even more sure even if Nick didn't cheat she still would have punished him.

I truly believe Nick did want to leave her. It is said by Amy herself that she knew he wanted a divorce. Nick was shown to want to leave during the end of the movie. Literally, the only reason he stayed was because of the child, the whole outrage that would follow (Interestingly, this could be seen as Nick's own preoccupation of controlling his image).

Amy is the more unreliable narrator compared to Nick mainly due to Nick having a voice of reason, Margo, while Amy doesn't. (Unless I'm under his spell. But I don't think so because I hate Ben in the DCEU and that colors my perception across franchises. Came into this movie full expected to hate Nick as much as Amy or more so but left surprised.)

While I understand uprooting one's life and moving across the country with out the other partners input is quite upsetting and can make you feel like shit. A person was dying. Amy's feelings are valid but like. Cancer? Taking care of dying mother? Amy expected Nick to be OK with a huge financial decision to help her parents, make some allowance. Rubbed me the wrong way. I'm a family gal.

Amy may have loved Nick at one point, kinda like Nick loved Amy at one point, but she ultimately sees relationships and love as a form of winning. This seems to stem from her childhood as she was always one step behind Amazing Amy. All her mistakes were washed away clean in Amazing Amy and sold to the masses. Everyone could see just would Amy couldn't do. Because of this, Amy doesn't see herself as a person as much as a character in a story, expect this time she controls it. She's going to have a picture perfect marriage and thus life. Thus she wins at life. This is also very half-baked and formed by one watch of the movie.

Amy wasn't abused by Nick. Amy fictionalized most of their life in Missouri(She's an unreliable narrator). Like it was revealed that Nick hated Amy and that he wanted kids while Amy didn't. The whole "Let's have kids" fight seems very improbably with this information. Unless I'm under Nick's influence. Plus, Amy doesn't seem that afraid of Nick even when he is violent with her.

The Cool Girl monologue while hits some true points to the idea that society values woman to change themselves to be picked by a man. But it also implies a heteronormative society, implies that woman absolutely cannot like shit like football on their own as they are only doing it for men, acts as if liking things are unnatural for woman, makes sexist judgment of random woman she literally passes who are hopefully living their best life, and is sex negative.

preemptive warning because fandoms can be really toxic for some reason. Don't interact if you don't like.

[swiftsaltsweet]

The Hunt for Kyoshi: Chapter 3- Motivations

Characters: Rangi and Kyoshi (plus whoever appears in Rok)

Pairing: Rangshi

Summary:  

“What are we going to do?” She asked steely, still not looking up from the ground. She was ready to uphold her duty, or at least, what remained of it. “We need you to capture Kyoshi,” Jianzhu instructed. “Capture?” “Yes, we need to set an example of an Avatar murderer,” Jianzhu responded, oh so matter of factly again.

(Canon Divergent AU- “What if Rangi wasn’t there when Kyoshi ran away, and Rangi had to hunt her down?)

Prev chapter

Other Sites: AO3 and Fanfic.net

A/N: Sorry this one is so short, I literally have nothing else to add to it (esp considering the canon convo that already took place, I just didn't want it to feel redundant).

______

Jianzhu walked into his gallery where he had left Hei-Ran, who was still pacing the same line he had left her in when Rangi left the estate. He'd excused himself from her presence to write out a quick message to Rangi, to fill in the gaps she was missing, and to make sure she was set with whatever she needed to bring Kyoshi back.

He hadn't expected the girl to lose control as she did; running off without getting all the information and supplies he was preparing for her. But Jianzhu had chosen to look at the incident in a more positive light, he really admired Rangi's ability to take the initiative and not waste time.

If she was really as good as everyone said, then it may be possible for them to get Kyoshi back within a fortnight at most!

Hei-Ran only noticed he had entered the room when she heard the door shut. She looked up and marched out of her trench straight over to Jianzhu, and slapped him.

Jianzhu had expected the reaction, in all honesty he was lucky she hadn't set fire to the estate. Firebending mothers can just be so dramatic.

"She's going to be fine, Hei-Ran," Jianzhu rubbed his jaw, sore from the second slap he'd received from Hei-Ran within the past twenty-four hours. The first time was when he told her his first version of events with Yun, Kyoshi, and Kelsang. This time, it was for holding her back from chasing after her daughter. Or maybe it was also for making her lie to her daughter? To be completely honest, both went hand in hand.

"How can you say she's fine when she looked-" Hei-Rang closed her eyes and looked away, unable to finish the sentence. Jianzhu understood it probably hurt a mother seeing their daughter like that. Grieving…and unstable.

"She's fine," he repeated to his old friend.

"She seemed out of control, Jian."

"She's….motivated."

"She looked like she wanted to kill Kyoshi! Not capture her!" Hei-Ran waved her hands at him for emphasis.

"She won't do that, it would go against her duty. Her mission. Her honor!"

Hei-Ran slapped him again. Maybe he shouldn't have said the last bit?

"Don't you dare speak of honor! Of her honor!" She bellowed at him. Yeah, it was definitely the last part. "And how dare you speak as if you know my daughter better than I?!"

Jianzhu put his hands up in surrender. "You're right, I was out of line."

Hei-Ran took a step back, her fist clenched, but she seemed to accept his apology to some degree. "We shouldn't have lied to her."

Jianzhu frowned, he thought he finally made her see reason. Why they'd have to lie to Rangi, but apparently she needed a reminder. "Hei-Ran, remember, we need Kyoshi back here. That girl isn't thinking straight, she's blaming us for something outside our control."

He put a delicate hand on Hei-Ran's shoulder, and guided her to a chair and sat her down. He had to appear sympathetic, not that he wasn't. He was very understanding for his friend. He knew how hard it was for a parent to see their child go through such an arduous mental strain.

He had felt a similar feeling when Yun couldn't firebend.

"If we told Rangi the truth, how Kyoshi is the Avatar and she ran away under a misconception. Do you think she wouldn't run away with her? It's her duty to look after the Avatar, regardless of whatever asinine decisions they make." He rubbed a hand down his face in exasperation. "Remember Kuruk?"

Hei-Ran flinched at their old friend's name, and a deep frown creased her lovely face. Possibly remembering one of their botched adventures.

"Kyoshi is floundering, she doesn't know what decisions to make, let alone the right ones. And Rangi will nobly follow her because it's her duty." He paused. "And because of how close they are."

"Were." Hei-Ran interjected. "How close they were. We've destroyed a friendship, Jianzhu. If Rangi brings Kyo-"

"When she brings Kyoshi back."

"When she brings Kyoshi back, those two aren't going to be the same." Rangi and I won't be the same. Jianzhu could hear his old friend's other unsaid words in his own mind.

Jianzhu sighed mournfully, but this time he didn't really care. Two girls' friendship was small in the grand scheme of the whole world. Same for a mother and daughters. His friend knew there needed to be sacrifices in life, that's how she got to the position she was at.

Hei-Ran sighed too, exhausted. "I just don't want Rangi to be hurt more than she's already been. She's already lost Yun, I don't want her to lose Kyoshi too."

"I know." Jianzhu went over to a desk and grabbed a piece of paper and a brush. "Which is why we need to bring them both back as soon as possible."

He handed his friend the items, and she took them, knowing he wanted to get started on writing a letter of her own. As she had promised him earlier.

_______

A/N: The next one should be longer, sadly it may take a minute because part of it has to be written alongside ch 5.

Also sorry it took a minute to get this one out, it was mostly because I wanted to make sure ch 4 was mostly done, alongside a big portion of ch 5.

Brightside, I might be posting another Kyoshi/Rangshi fanfic soon (it's a more canon compliant one ;U). This one gets priority tho.

[bells-of-black-sunday]

Link to me going over what I think is important in the tome can be found here ❤

Now here's where I just dump about my own speculations and how it applies to how I write Danny.

I think it's quite obvious from his tome that his dad was a Vietnam war veteran who came back only to be met with mockery which as far as I know from anecdotal stories was pretty common. And his mother being notably absent from being mentioned despite how much he idolizes his father I think it's fair to say she's dead. I would say she's just not in the picture, but I think he would've ranted about it for a good bit especially with how he talks about the nuclear family.

So Danny grew up in a single parent household with a father who whether it be due to some under-specified mental illness or just because he's just a horrible person wanted his son to be exactly like him. To go to war for stories and metals. To kill other people and see the horrors like he had. With the offhanded mention of drills and boot camps becoming too much during a camping trip one time and Danny killing him, I don't think it's a stretch to say he was abused.

Plus the whole throw away line of: "He just wanted the horror to end. He wanted his life back." Shows that there's something more underlying to him listening to those stories. The stories were the only respite he had from the chaos of his life, he's never had a safe space to just exist and be a kid. He's never had a place to process emotions and violence against others is so normalized to him it only makes sense for him to at the very least act out. Yet he takes it to such an extreme extent.

War stories his father wanted him to follow him in making turn into headlines about his own murders. Him channeling his own trauma and abuse unknowingly into his craft to the point where he feels personally insulted if anyone makes fun of it. Three people making a parody paper drags him back to when he killed his dad in the woods due to the chaos of everything coming to a head. A simple parody is enough to bring back emotions he thought he had crushed and buried a long time ago. Pieces of himself he didn't want to see again.

He bottles them back up, but the ugly human parts of him still remain. He knows a part of him knows that what happened to him growing up wasn't normal. Not just the boot camps, the drills, the screaming about how he has to follow his dad's footsteps be a good boot boy and earn medals he can bring home. Repeating the cycle that his father did before him. Just another soldier returning home from war knowingly they'll never feel the same at home again and everyone will point and laugh, because he's just so weak he can't handle it.

Danny still struggles to separate himself from his dad, constantly living in his shadow, doing what he's been told and what's been berated into him. He's lived so many names and lives that it's hard to find himself, not the ghost, just... Danny. And in modern Robin really does give him this safe space to be himself, just the fucked up little pieces he tries to keep bottled up so no one can see and yet even then he never lets him see them fully. His body is the only thing he can control and he's not going to give it up easily.

And I'm not writing this to give sympathy to him. He is a horrible person and he always will be. Taking war stories and twisting them into "Humans are inherently violent" by going across the country murdering innocent people. The "perfect victim that doesn't deserve to die" as he puts it is so horrible. The way he revels in finding the perfect name, how he's so excited the three people that made fun of him have normal sounding names. The entire time he's killing these people he's not viewing them as human, he's viewing them as headlines.

Things that will be seen and forgotten within the next news cycle. Something simple to fall asleep too, because "Well it couldn't happen to me right?" He views what he does as something positive, a therapy or entertainment to break up suburbia and the mundanity of modern life. The boring 9-5 desk job where they come home to turn on the news or open the paper and see the next tragedy. He knows what angles to twist it in to get politicians talking to the attention is off of him.

I also think it's extremely interesting the kind of mask he chose. A weeping ghost. A weeping face to mock his victims that just so happened to fit a perfect outline he has in his head. "A person that doesn't deserve to die." Something that his readers can get hooked in and he can forget about by the next paycheck.

[takeeachdayonebookatatime]

Why did you elbow me? 228

Nicholas (Nick) Stephen McSwarek undercover part 38

The car accident part 13

Kate/Stana: pov I'm just so sleepy and nauseous everything hurts I haven't eaten in a few days. Water hasn't really been staying down. The Dr's said it might have something to do with the antibiotics, sedative and morning sickness. They are keeping a close eye on it and giving me tons of fluids. A nurse comes in to give me some nausea meds and asks if I would like to try and drink something, if I can hold it down she can get me some food to try. She tells me to slowly sip the water it immediately comes up and so does some stomach acid painfully all over me and the bed. I can't stop throwing up, the nurse calls my Dr's who run in the room. Dr Davidson, Dr Claudia Dr Hartfield are discussing what to do. I’m given a bunch more meds and start to feel my body relax. Dr Burkett had to leave because he has other patients to treat in his office. Dr Davidson offered to be on my case that way Dr Burkett doesn't have to drive down so much.

Dr Claudia: pov after Lanie and the nurses finish cleaning the sheets and Stana, she is back in bed asleep. me, Dr Davidson and Dr Hartfield have decided as a precaution Stana needs to be seen by a few other Dr to make sure everything is okay. The fact that she can't keep anything down is starting to concern us a little. The sedative should be out of her system by tomorrow. The antibiotics might cause her stomach to be upset on top of the morning sickness which could be a problem but she has been given nausea med which should be helping her. She is definitely keeping us on our toes. We have to be careful with her since she is on a lot of meds. Heart meds, pain meds, antibiotics, nausea meds, immune system ones, steroids, nebulizer, prenatal vitamins and meds to prevent blood clots since she isn't moving around.

Dr Hartfield: pov I'm concerned about what caused her aspiration pneumonia. I don't want her throwing up to make it worse. Let's do a round of the nebulizer while she sleeps. I listen to her lungs to make sure they don't sound worse. Her left lung is a concern since it has collapsed before. But it seems to be doing okay so far which is good.

Lanie: pov me and her Dr's are talking about how she needs to gain weight but with her throwing up its not happening. We discuss options for her to gain weight like protein smoothies. Back in Kate's room I suggest while she is sleeping, Castle and Jim should run some errands. I can handle everything while they are gone. Plus I want to talk to Esposito on the phone, I'm going to put the chair in the bathroom and leave the door open, that way I can talk and still keep an eye on her.

Castle: pov Alexis and Dave ate at the apartment with Mother. I asked earlier if they could check the apartment for Kate's bear but they couldn't find it, they said it wasn't at the loft either when they were there the other day. Where could this bear have gone? Me and Jim decided to run to Target to get a few things after we eat. We were originally going to head to the grocery store but needed a few non grocery things. That's why we picked Target, plus it's close to the apartment and hospital. It's too early to get any baby or maternity stuff.

Jim: pov at target I grab a cart while Castle locks the car I can tell it's bothering him being away from Katie it bothers me too. Well since she is going to be in the hospital for a while maybe we should get her a fuzzy blanket and some books. Castle suggests some comfortable pj's or accessible tops, maybe some lotion in case her skin gets dry or irritated from the iv and we can't forget some board games. I put some drinks in the cart while Castle grabs some easy snacks for us all, he also grabs some food items. Katie is still nothing by mouth until the vomiting is more under control. Lanie had told us what stuff was safe to get her. As we are passing by the toy aisle Castle spots the cutest stuffed elephant. I think it's for newborn babies. The packaging says it even has a heartbeat to soothe the baby. He put it in the cart saying it might help Katie sleep better since they can't find her bear.

Castle: pov we grab a few more things and quickly bag our stuff and leave. After dropping a few things off at the house me and Jim head back to the hospital. Lanie says she already ate, Kate's been asleep for a while. I show Lanie the elephant. Lanie, can you ask the officers who searched the apartment if Kate's bear was there because Alexis can't find it and it wasn't at the loft. You know she has had that thing forever, since she woke up from heart surgery after her shooting, you know it means the world to her.

Lanie: pov I think I have the officers number since I'm listed as Kate's emergency contact. I had to okay them going over to search the place. I grab my phone to make the call while Jim and Castle visit Kate. Hello, hi my name is Lanie are you one of the officers who search Captain Beckett and Detective Nick's apartment. You are the officer great, was there a stuffed animal there. I can hear him stalling, spit it out. He says his partner knocked over a cup and it spilled onto the stuffed animal while they were searching the apartment. The stuffed animal was very wet and gross. His partner was about to just throw it away. He tells me he took it to get cleaned and it desperately needed it. I tell him that bear has definitely been through a lot. She has had it since she woke up from emergency heart surgery a few years ago after being shot.

Castle: pov the officer is bringing the stuffed animal tomorrow. Alexis and Dave stopped by for a bit before heading out, Kate had suggested they both have a fun night out instead of worrying about her.

To be continued. ..,

[mymomisdrunkagain]

My Mom is a Big Fat Drunk

April 4 - she drank all day again today. took two or three "naps", had the bedroom and the livingroom TVs on, at the same time, on the same channel, and she was probably passed out, anyway. Oh! She also finally noticed that I'm not talking to her. Its been 3 days.

This evening's highlight? I wasn't getting any delivery orders at all while at home, so I decided I'd have to go park in a lot closer to UCSD and sit and wait. Seems like such a stupid waste of time, to me, but that’s a different story. Anyway, I left around 9pm and got to the lot around 9:20. I think she was passed out when I left, but I didn't double-check. As I was sitting in the parking lot, I started to get hungry and decided to grab something from Vons. I was also reminded of how shitting she's making this whole situation when I thought about grabbing more than just a microwave meal; anything I buy, she's just gonna eat and then I'm back at Vons--- err. See previous entry…

I guess at some point, she texted me to pick up some aspirin for her. Didn't read it. Don't care. She's perfectly able to order some whatever-the-fuck-she-wants from CVS and have it delivered by … wouldn't ya know it? … DoorDash! Plus, I was still on-the-clock, technically. So, no-go, lady.

I see right thru her manipulations, now that I've stepped back my emotional investment in her, and its all just pretty ugly. For example, she could order stuff and have it delivered, which she knows, which means her goal was to make me do something for her, thus reinforcing her psychological control over me. Nope. Not happening. Not anymore. … and then there's the nature of her order: aspirin. That was an immediate red flag. She wants me to know she's in "so much pain;" she can't even move a muscle to get some relief and save herself from all the terribleness! Nope. Not falling for it. No sympathy from me.

If you haven't see our dynamic in person, or know our stupid story in greater detail, I probably come off as coldhearted and callous. Maybe even evil. So, you'll have to just trust me when I say this seemingly mean/evil side of me is not what it looks like; this is really a positive breakthrough for me. I've been under her control and manipulation my entire life and this clarity and insight into her manipulations and schemes is a pretty cool piece of armor to help defend myself against her, and, hopefully, another solid step towards breaking free of her control, entirely!

The real clincher is that auntie got home from work before I did, and even tho I totally already knew the answer, I had to ask her anyway: did mother ask auntie to get her aspirin, too?-- since she was also out of the house, etc… and, No. of course she didn't. the discussion got a little heated and auntie finally broke down and asked if _she_ could go get mother's aspirin for her, even tho she was tired af and just home from work, too. Can you guess the answer? No. Of course she didn't want auntie to go get the much-needed pain reliever for her. She literally had a perfectly viable, albeit total dick move, solution to her problem right there and did. Not. Take. It. Hmm…. So, that means she specifically asked me and only me, and specifically asked for a pain reliever. Because of all the pain. Huh. Imagine that.

Couldn't be bothered to ask auntie. Couldn't be bothered to order CVS thru Door Dash. Couldn't even be bothered to try to go out and get it herself. I was the only person in the whole world who could save her from all the pain. Huh. Weird.

PS: oh yeah! Another big reason for my tough-love approach with her right now: she just sits around all day long, eating everything, drinking vodka, and barely even moves. Now, I'm not a doctor, but I do know a little bit about how the human body works, and I know from personal experience at various times throughout my life, that if I remain in one position for any extended length of time, my body, my muscles, get stiff as fuck. In fact, it can often be painful for those first couple of seconds when I start stretching and moving again after staying stuck for so long.

Her bad habits (subconscious or otherwise) are absolutely compounding, if not manifesting entirely, whatever injuries she may have. I'd be much more willing to do things like pick up aspirin for her on my way home from work if I saw that doing so would even do anything positive for her, and that she wasn’t the cause of all her pain to begin with!

[temporarymoods]

perpetual novice

hey blog, i've thought about you every day since i made you, and i couldn't quite settle on what to feed you next, but like, whatever!

at this moment in our arena, please welcome me and my haircut (!!) and the girls on tinder and jane: an abortion service, plus the sophie lewis book on my nightstand I could practically draw "z"s above, (that's my bad.)

blog, I'd like to take the time to say that I've been feeling vulnerable when it comes to queer dating! because obviously, but also because of perceived external judgement from within the community, ow. looked in the mirror my therapist held up for me and saw that I'm much more comfortable with my gender than my sexuality, after being asked to spell it all out. this is, not in terms of definition-- we're solid there-- but praxis. and i think this is because gender is something you can do more fully alone in your bedroom. sexuality is too, but at least people can demand more than your word for it. right? haha

yeah, been falling in love with this unreal image of a gay relationship i have in my head. eye contact and shit, you know. and more 'equal' stuff, including but not limited to a kind of greater understanding and intentional kindness. still really mad about the patriarchy, who would've guessed? bunch of guys were talking with my one man professor, who is great, in class today and i started thinking about barnard, lmao. and i think that's fair--- not that i should be concerning myself with the look of the opposite*, but worth saying, i guess. it's fair to be feeling done! rahhhh (there's obviously so much more going on here re. my anger with men but I will not [yet] divulge to my baby blog) *i.e., worrying about looking like a feminist that's "unfair"

anyway, if i could make a mood board, which i cannot without getting frustrated, for my current passionspace, it would contain the following: lots of soft pinks, purples, and dark grey-blue, the end of "parachute" by caroline polachek {starting at "closing in"} (what a mother figure), splashed puddles of water, this specific capricorn-themed mug with hot tea, 'full surrogacy now', BLÅHAJ, my noise-cancelling headphones, masculine clothing, flowers of the wild variety, tissues, PLL (got such a crush on spencer), the quote "finally there's a way to be both free and safe", 'bottoms' promo art, and other elements to ensure cohesiveness.

so it's almost sweater season, team. i've gotta take my winter stuff out from under my bed-- an event which i'm already planning catering and lighting for. figured out that i'm the type of person that needs to remind themself to light candles, etc. an entailment of the great bath bomb revelation from years past. <- solid me lore

on a similar note of control: craving leadership of late. i want to run shit so bad. god i'd be so good. the dog sits in me, unbarking and chained. looked into theatre production opportunities, ended up feeling that thing i haven't quite found the right way to express yet... degrounded? fucking sucks is what it is. when you go too far up the imagination slide; a kind of altitude sickness. so maybe i won't be doing tech exactly but soon i'll have another full-time job. lol. that'll be cool. hopefully i can make shit happen. feel myself have an effect on the world.

🎶 it's time to be a big girl now 🎶

i wish i could better articulate my current thoughts on "'girl' stuff," especially as its been coming up in the dumb discourse recently... i think i'm too online. well, now I have to go finish typing up my geometry homework in an itsy bitsy coding language I've caught onto-- for extra credit!

the door? the gate? no, just kate 9/18/2023

p.s. god i fucking love caroline polachek's music

[doctor-hate]

I once, age 15, roomed in inpatient physical therapy with a 6-year-old Black Latina girl, who I will call Cara, and her mother, who I will call Rosa. Cara had cerebral palsy, and her vocal cords were affected and she could not speak. She had unexpected jerking movements and couldn't control her head or body. Her body lay loose in her chair or twisted up in various spastic configurations a majority of her life, and the lack of control over these movements can be very painful.

One: Cara was 2 weeks out from a very painful surgery on her groin, and I had the same one plus six others at once - they had her working in PT at the time when my vulva was still the size of an apricot. Standing? Doing PT? Was horrific. I will remember her wails of agony for my entire life. You shouldn't do PT on a child that young who's had surgery that recently. But the guidelines were written by doctors who don't go under the knife.

Two: Her mom's first language wasn't English. Dear, sweet Mama Rosa was exhausted and couldn't understand what the doctors were saying half the time, and I couldn't fucking blame her. She didn't understand the pain her kid was in. I couldn't fucking blame her. She just knew that Cara's crying sounded different, and was a lot more loud and frequent, and worked around the clock to try to help.

Three: these bitch-ass nurses. on a floor of zero emergencies, took 2 hours to get a round of children their meds, and instead of doing entire rooms at once would run around like looney tunes and wait 2 hours between me (white) and my meds and this TINY 6 YEAR OLD BABY (Black-Latina) AND HER MEDS. So she NEEDS her Valium AND her Oxy every 6 hours on the hour or she's screaming her little head off from the involuntary jerking movements and spasms, and they do me at the BEGINNING and HER AT THE END. EACH DOSE. FOR THREE DAYS.

3AM-5AM agony. 9AM-11AM agony. 3PM-5PM agony. 9PM-11PM agony. Repeat. For two hours each time. For three days. Piercing screams. Wailing until her little throat gave out and she coughed herself to semi-consciousness. During physical therapy was the same - "Mama, Mama..." The nurses would keep telling Rosa, "We have a 2 hour window to get patients their medications." End of story. NOT with meds as time sensitive as these and a FUCKING BABY you don't, you racist fucking cunt.

I would sit and hold her little spastic hand while her mother would get a few moments of rest. I would sing to her and try to make her laugh when she was lucid enough to try to be happy. Mostly, though, I would whisper - "I know it hurts. It will ease soon. I promise."

I ultimately had to say to my nurse and then again to hers, - "I don't CARE if I get MY meds late, if Cara gets her meds on time. She needs her Valium EVERY 6 HOURS. I can wait. She cannot. She's in intense pain."

When they actually brought her medicine when they were supposed to? No crying except for communication - very short, very controlled, not even distressed, just "I want that." No crying during PT. I got to see her smile. The first time I heard her beautiful laugh I was stunned speechless.

She was a baby. She was so beautiful. Frankly, I was a baby, too, but they were torturing her because of their own inability to get their shit together, and they needed a sacrifice. I was the eldest girl on the ward, and she was my sister. She was so little. How could they leave someone that little to cry? If Rosa was not there, if Rosa caved and left Cara alone for even 8 hours to get some sleep, without the company of her father, Benito - the poor child would have been inconsolable.

I got my meds hours late until she left and I was fucking happy about it.

[persephoneyss]

The Monster.

Pairing: park jimin x f!reader.

Genre: Yandere, dark themes, anguish.

Summary: ❝You can be reborn like spring, but your nightmares will follow your footsteps at night.❞

Warnings: Yandere behavior, obsession, voyeurism, Jimin is a little delusional, implicit murder, death threats, a little violence, stalking, death of secondary characters, reader idolizes his mother, humiliation.

Number of words: 6000+

︙ Author's note: this is my first fic here, sorry if there are errors. My first language is not English and I don't speak it fluently either, so I used the translator. Sorry about that. I hope you enjoy it, I am open to criticism. Thanks!

(Puedes leer este y más fics aquí en español.)

To block.

Your mind felt strangely familiar, like it was processing the same situation all over again. And then the same thing happened again.

Blocking.

You never noticed those little details, invisible to the eyes of others. Or maybe you took too seriously the message and advice that your mother always told you when you were afraid of being left alone in your room because of the obvious and silly repetitive story of the monster under the bed, you were crying looking for your mother's room in the middle of the night. You were looking for refuge in her arms. However, the only loving words she had for you were: "Ignore him and he will go away, darling."

It seemed very clever to you, you began to close your eyes ignoring your worst fears and in a short time you could do what most children could not at your age, sleep alone in the dark.

Your mother was wise, maybe that's why you never understood why your father left her overnight. She never commented on the subject and little by little it was forgotten in her daily lives. Your father never existed, you never saw him again.

In his small town no one was exceptionally well known, unless he had done something good or bad enough to be called a hero or, in the same way, a villain. You were barely seven years old when it happened, a family with a lot of money had chosen your town as a decent land, enough to build their luxurious house where their children who came from golden cradles would grow up. According to the gossip, they were foreigners coming to invade their town and rule it, when in reality the Parks never got more involved in politics than necessary.

They were just rich, spending money.

Young women from all over the world and even from other distant towns came every day to try to conquer the privileged children of the great mansion built finely and strategically in the middle of the main square. The young women were beautiful, many times you stood at the door of your house admiring their distinguished perfect faces and you wondered if the children of the Park family were really worth it so that young and beautiful women who had previously been rejected would come back again. in search of new opportunities.

Your mother sometimes stood next to you with a smile and released another phrase that ended up marking your style of thinking, her voice sounded so ethereal: "Money compensates for external beauty, plus the dignity that you lose to those who possess it, it will never have a price."

Your lost look made her smile beautifully badly, then that same sweet voice that taught you things that other women would see as irrelevant, she too moments later she orders you to come home to eat. You thought about it so much, your mother was beautiful, she could remarry if she wanted to. However, she never did, or at least until that day.

You were poor, you were never afraid to accept it. You noticed it almost immediately, when you saw other children playing with toys that seemed impossible that you will ever possess, your mother was friends with the one who was best friends with your father, a carpenter who seemed to be very kind. He always gave you toys that came out with small defects and he couldn't sell, he was a good man until he seemed to misinterpret the situations and her relationship with your mother, unexpectedly asking her to marry him. Obviously you had to stop seeing him after the rejection. However, you were stubborn like the woman who gave you life, almost every day after finishing school you walk two streets to her local.

"How is your mother? Any suitors who weren't rejected the first time?" You laughed, helping him finish his last job. You shook your head, Peter was always very nice and honestly funny, you still didn't understand how your mother could reject them, but you never got into adult affairs. You were just an eight-year-old girl.

"She still misses dad." You whisper trying to drive a nail into loose wood, before being interrupted by Peter.

You look curiously at his downcast face of hers, as if she was keeping something deep within himself. But he quickly changes his expression as well as the subject. "Very good girl, no more help for today" he says, removing the dangerous tools out of your reach, you let out a exhausted sigh wanting to help him. Deep down you felt guilty. "How are you doing in school? I heard that the Parks will start a new campaign to help more in the education of the children, maybe you can see someone from the family up close."

You move your head in distracting affirmation playing with a piece of wood, Peter watches you for a moment and then sighs. You really were special, and if I could tell what happened to your father, you would let go of that glow for sure.

The following days passed in the same way, there was only a radical change in your routine. Now they forced you to stay longer in school so that you could take art classes with the children of the Park family. You had heard many mothers talking to yours about how handsome they were, and since their daughters would undoubtedly have a chance with Jimin, who was the eldest son and of course the first-born heir, you thought for a long time about a tall man with more years than all those young women who hallucinated with the perfect millionaire husband. However, it was all an illusion. Jimin was not a man, he was a seventeen year old teenager.

Perhaps the young woman who did win him over would be very lucky to marry someone her own age and not a bitter old man who only had money. Jimin was everything, young, handsome and a millionaire, the best bet of any woman.

His first class was alongside his current teacher, introducing each child in the Park family. They were all very handsome, but Jimin seemed to shine brighter than the stars in the dark night. You wondered if his younger siblings would become jealous of him, it would be an interesting concept considering you had no siblings.

Your hands moved the clay very patiently, your classmates seemed to enjoy these classes and they were undoubtedly fun.

"What a beautiful flower ..." You smiled nodding, no one would ever think that someone like Jimin would be delighted with the common drawing of any girl. Her gaze traveled around your pure and innocent face, as if she couldn't get enough of you. She sat next to you, admiring how your hands continued to play with the dough creating new shapes and I certainly enjoyed every second.

She had never met someone who would attract so much attention from her, you were ethereal. Jimin was immediately drawn to you, your gaze clear as daylight and your soft features, maybe you were just a girl but you seemed to tempt his attention incredibly badly from him. He felt the strange sensation of making sure you were okay, safe, probably in his arms.

He followed you closely, always arriving at the same time. Her mother used to say that Jimin was very irresponsible, she never complied with the basic principles of being a Park: Discipline, order and punctuality. Jimin was different, his siblings may have fulfilled those three bases just to give what they wanted to their parents and receive more affection from him, but not him.

Jimin was obsessive. Impulsive, and he had self-control issues.

The biggest dangerous trait that his parents noticed since he was little, is that he suffered attacks of anger against anyone without caring about the consequences of this. More than three of his babysitters claimed that little Jimin had hit them, slapping and shoving them. But all of this was radically ignored by the Parks, who turned a deaf ear claiming that their son was simply too controlling, and in a way, he was. Jimin liked to have everything under control, at his disposal.

Jimin found himself fascinated with your little eyes looking at him without fear and, even though it was painful for him, without love. For you, he was nothing more than a stranger. He tried to change that, sitting next to you every day and talking to you a few times when he could get more than two sentences out of you. He liked art, I could tell by the way you focus too much on a small painting of an insignificant tree.

If you liked trees, Jimin could buy a forest for yourself.

You loved roses, he could plant thousands in every corner of town.

Or maybe, your obsession with the smell of vanilla. Jimin went wildly for the most expensive vanilla scented lotion, hoping for some praise from you and he really didn't fail.

No, when the next day he sat next to you and your gaze turned to him with a kind smile. "It smells great, Mr. Jimin." Your soft tone and your minimal compliment was enough to make his entire body shake, his hands began to sweat and his voice seemed to falter. It was amazing how you managed to make him so nervous, while he was still a child.

"Y-do you like it?" She asked even knowing the answer, your head bobbing in a quick nod and an even bigger smile adorns your features.

You put your painting aside for a moment to continue responding, Jimin feels elated to see that his plan worked. Now you're just looking at him, as it always should be. "It smells like vanilla, I like vanilla." You say honestly.

"I see, I also like vanilla." You seem shocked, Jimin increases the tension of him fearing that he said something wrong. He really wasn't lying, maybe vanilla wasn't something he used constantly but he didn't dislike it either, he was just disguising and embellishing a crude truth.

And before long, Jimin feels his life take an unexpected turn, people had started to notice his closeness to you. They called him an angel when in reality he was a devil, rumors and silly praise that he would be a good father were not lacking and the young women who came to his door every day to look for a date with him increased in an exorbitant way. You were oblivious to all that, clearly. However, you could not ignore all the looks that fell on you when you accompanied your mother to the market, as from one day to the next you became someone important just because you were the focus of attention of him Mr. Jimin, as you used to call him with respect. Peter also suffered the consequences of this, you had not stopped going to his store and the young women looking to conquer Jimin or at least get his attention began to follow you wanting to win your affection so that you will speak well of them with their desired man, no you were interested in what they could offer you but the biggest problem was that they did not like to receive a clear 'No.' as a reply.

They were insistent and often annoying. They followed you closely, even when you went to school or to visit Peter who now only went twice a week, you did not want to go out and have to face the pity that it gave you to see many beautiful young women begging for a vague love and that I was looking for more money arrangements than anything else. Also, not all of them had good intentions with you. Your mother made sure of your safety in the face of any incident, and with that came her last word, her strict order not to approach Park Jimin again until he found a wife.

The rest would be history.

He would surely forget you and start forming his own family, having his own children and likewise, looking for his own problems. Instead, that never happened. Jimin had discovered your plan, he was angry, he couldn't believe that you were ignoring his attempts to approach you in such a way. Your attitude was so pure but you were hurting her so much.

He was delusional, she knew he was. But he didn't want to stop. So, he did the only thing that would make you stay by his side.

You felt strangely calm, you had been to and from school with no one following closely in your footsteps. Until you noticed that the whole town seemed to look at you with superiority, with caution. Peter never stopped taking care of his store, however, that day it was closed. You gave little thought to that coincidence, walking home with slow steps. Deep down you were scared.

Maybe you thought you could feel it, in front of your house a crowd of people lay watching the most unexpected marriage request. Your mother was uncomfortable, you could tell by how her face was distorted, and how her hands seemed to shake for reasons not yet known to you. You watched in horror as Jimin knelt before her with a smile pulling a ring out of a small red box.

For a moment, you thought about your father. You felt strange, you always wanted to have a warm fatherly hug but it made you uncomfortable to imagine Jimin occupying that place, you did not want him, you did not love him as a daughter to his firstborn or as another similar relationship. He was a stranger.

Your body fell into the seat reserved especially for you, your eyes observed any place in the church trying to disperse your mind. Your little shoes brushed against each other, your hands rested on the wooden seat waiting for the wedding to end as soon as possible. You never wanted to oppose your thoughts to the idea of ​​your mother falling in love or getting married again, you really didn't care much as long as that person was good for her.

However, he was Park Jimin. You felt disgusted when her mother looked at you from afar with despicable eyes, just as anger consumed you when Mrs. Park tried to embarrass your mother in front of everyone. You didn't ask for this, nobody asked for it.

Maybe you spent too much time thinking around you to notice that Jimin was unhappy. A little upset. He had done what he had to do, chained you to him in some twisted way, marrying your mother and he felt happy, at first. I could see you walking through the church, you were wearing a little white dress to match your mother's and for a sinister moment I imagine that you were the one walking towards him to be named his wife. But he quickly came back to reality, you weren't his fiancée. You wouldn't be his wife.

Deep inside him, he knew how gross it was to feel like this.

Your mother's eyes reflected how unhappy she was, her gaze was uncertain. Jimin smiled seeing how you kicked the decorations that fell to the ground, you were completely oblivious to everything and more to the look of her that she followed you closely. Many called him a good father. Seeing nothing but his protective attitudes, but under the circumstances there were only hints of what might come next. You weren't allowed to leave Jimin's house, his father had left the mansion where his whole family used to live.

Mrs. Park could find no better excuse to leave than the sudden tantrum of her first-born son for marrying an older woman, a widow, and a daughter. This is a mockery and disgrace to her family's last name. Jimin just let her go, he wasn't even there the day her mother boarded the first train to her grandmother's house.

Your mother flatly refused to leave her house at first, she did not want to leave the little cabin that your father had built with his own effort so that both of them would live there and in the future raise their children, you always lived there and you did not want to leave either. But you never had a solid vote, your mother ended up agreeing from one day to the next, you did not know how Jimin managed to change his word so suddenly. Maybe there was never one reason, but you became all of them.

You were painfully present at all times. You observed how little by little, the wispy and wise glow that your mother possessed was getting lost between her empty eyes and her bent body, her head was never raised as she taught you it should be. She was a stranger, you felt scared in her presence. You remembered very well how her face seemed to light up when she saw you coming home from school and how she taught you something new every day.

"Mommy..." You spoke, your hands were still busy with the picture that you hadn't finished painting. But curiosity began to attack your mind.

Your mother came out of the kitchen with a little gray apron, she smiled when she saw you sitting on the floor. "Yes, honey?"

"Why do people get married?" Your gaze lifted from the sheet of paper, wincing at her glowing eyes.

"It depends, it's not necessarily for love. Maybe for money, comfort or ..." her voice trailed off, she still staring at you she leaned down to take your face in her hands. "Because they found someone, as cute as you!"

"Mommy ... I want to marry you!" Your mother began to laugh, your gaze traveled all over her face, joyful of hers and for a moment, you swore that you would hate anyone who dared to take away the great happiness of a genuine smile.

You finished your drawing, just in time because the front door echoed through the entire cabin. Your father appeared with a small drawer in his hands, your mother seemed to be illuminated with an angel when she saw him enter with a kind smile. Both were such for which. They were, more than lovers and husbands, lifelong best friends. Your life seemed to have something that many do not get even after death.

An outer and inner peace. It was perfect.

Almost so perfect, it wasn't true. White roses were always your favorites. However, you began to detest its soft light petals when it seemed that all the townspeople bought the same bouquet of white roses for the funeral of your, now, deceased mother. You took a seat next to her grave, ignoring everyone's greetings and goodbyes, who apparently forgot how her criticism of her increased even as the days, months and years of her wedding with Jimin passed.

You couldn't blame anyone. Or you just didn't want to.

Because the rope around his neck was not placed by them. And the multiple scars on his wrists weren't his marks. A small part of you felt helpless, angry and respectively, disgusted with yourself. Could you help her? Yes. No. Maybe if you had ... And he had stayed in the past.

The little white rose in your hand fell to the floor, everyone had left the room to go to the large buffet served at the reception. You froze, then with the same rage you began to step on the already dead flower at your feet, the petals of it were no more than a pure color, now they were disgusting and dirty. Jimin appeared minutes later, your gaze fell on his hand that was holding a black and a red rose.

"We should go, honey." He whispered as if afraid to scare you even though you were already looking directly at him. Your immobile figure instinctively ran into his arms, which greeted you with an incredibly loving warmth. The roses were placed on top of the coffin, a smile spread across your face when you saw the color red stand out against so much white, and for a second you came to compare the beauty of an outstanding color with your mother.

She stood out in a world where everyone wanted to paint themselves pure white.

Jimin was even more welcoming to you now. He pretended to sleep waiting for 11:30 to arrive so that he could hear your footsteps on the way to his room, you had developed a great amount of fear of loneliness. Jimin knew you always did that, but before it was with her instead of him. You would walk for several seconds looking in the dark for his room, which was next to hers, then I would always hear her voice singing for you, making you rest in his arms. For a long time, I want to be her. But now he was gone and I knew it was a matter of time before your steps stopped at his door.

She loved the closeness of your body to hers, how your hands clung to her nightshirt when you were cold or a horrible nightmare was projected into your dreams. Jimin horribly wishes he could see beyond your dreams, although that would be disrespectful to your privacy, he wouldn't mind breaking your trust too much if he could be sure that you would never walk away from him, even in your dreams.

He managed to chain your life to his, your scared look was the most beautiful thing I have seen before. I want to touch your little face and kiss your soft lips that tempted him every time the word "dad" came out of it.

Time was his greatest enemy.

Your presentation was no better, your hands were trembling again while your feet moved from here to there restlessly. Jimin just watched silently, but the distance between you and him was gigantic, he just wished that the damn bitch that was presented before him would shut up and leave his house. It was remarkable how you seemed angry, maybe it's jealousy, she has feelings for me. He thought sickly, a smile spreading across his face discreetly at his incoherent thoughts of him. The young woman sitting on the sofa in front of him smiled thinking that her talk had caused some pleasure in the young and widowed man.

Jimin admired her face, she was very cute, also she seemed to have good manipulation technique in people. She noticed it quickly when she walked through the door, her smile that seemed uncontrollable and genuine lit up his childlike face. He took a few seconds, he knew he shouldn't do it but he couldn't help comparing the woman to you. You were shorter, you were obviously younger and your gaze was more pure. Jimin was proud of your firm stance, knowing that in the two years since your mother's death you had developed a closer connection with him, and likewise, you were a beautifully perfect copy of him. Your hard gaze and your legs crossed with each other showed your firmness, and your silent opinion.

You wanted the fucking bitch sitting across from your stepdad outside your house.

You laughed at the very idea of ​​one day finding a really good replacement for your mother. You couldn't replace a rose with bad herbs. For you, as selfish as he was, Jimin was your father, and he was your mother's love from the day he married her. No one would replace his position.

It was all three of them, and a part of your mind conned that Jimin still wasn't over the love he had for her. Or he would have remarried long ago, when the young women stood in front of the door of his house asking for a date with him. In those moments you didn't care, Jimin was a stranger, but now he was your father and you were his only daughter. No one had the right to ruin their harmonious relationship, they were both alone and someday serious like him.

You will be successful, you will make a lot of money and you will be able to marry someone you love.

But for now, your gaze fell on the little worn and dirty shoes of the woman in front of you. A smile crossed your face, your gaze lifted surprising the woman. While Jimin waited with his arms crossed for your following action.

"Woman." Your voice seemed to cut her tranquility, her face lost total color of life and a small grimace of fear passed over her fragile face. "I can't allow shoes like that to step on the carpet in my house ..."

The woman looked at Jimin who seemed indifferent, distracted by the painting on the wall.

"I'm sorry miss" she whispered trying to remove her shoes, his hands seemed more clumsy than usual. Her face burned when your hand moved closer to hers to prevent any further movement.

"Go away." A tiny part of you felt sorry for his embarrassed face and flushed cheeks. But it quickly came to your mind that she thought she was good enough to believe she was your mother. When she couldn't even challenge a stupid girl who acted like a spoiled brat. "Get out of my house, or I'll have to ask you not to just take off your shoes."

"I-sorry, I'll go now-..." A sob interrupted her dialogue, her hands searched for the notebook she was carrying but she gave up making a quick bow to Jimin and running outside.

The garden was your favorite part of the big house, the walls constantly made you believe that you were going to be eaten by them. Every day you came out of your lair admiring the many roses of many different colors growing beautiful and healthy. Your school stage was about to begin and you did not want to neglect your garden, which was also a tribute to your late mother.

So you hired a gardener. You were seventeen years old and soon to be eighteen. To say that you managed to experience the best of all those years was ridiculous, and deep down inside you, you thought that all of that was possible because of all the things Jimin did for you.

You had a debt, which you planned to pay in the future. You thought about leaving and letting him have a quiet life from now on without having to run to solve your problems, even if you never asked him to.

Jimin had eyes watching your every move, he clearly remembers how he put security cameras throughout the house, observing how you slept, what you did in the comfort of your room and privacy. Even when you walked into the shower and your hands ran over your body covered in water. Sometimes he felt guilty, for how he seemed to enjoy those moments that seemed so short.

However, it was repeated that as long as you were safe.

Breaking your trust wasn't that important.

Your eighteenth birthday was moderately quiet, Jimin was not used to throwing parties, and honestly, you never asked for one. So you just stood at the door of your house receiving expensive and cheap gifts from people who when they gave you the gift had a forced smile that told you many things. Most were familiar faces, of women who had previously sought a date with your father, obviously being rejected.

The little birthday cake looked so monotonous, the candles were the only thing you could stand out for. You were never aware that you had started to be privileged and extremely ambitious since Jimin proposed to your mother and forced her to marry him, pointing a gun at her pathetic silly little head. You had it all, and in your previous years maybe you managed to get excited about the new toys and accessories that were brought to you from other countries, you had everything that others did not, and a strange epiphany collapsed over you.

It was you, it was déjà vu. You were them, and those who were before, were now you.

You had all of them, and they didn't. Now, by your side, they were all poor. Jimin showered you with gifts, causing you to gradually lose interest in money. You remember your thoughts when it all started and likewise, you still remember the woman with the dirty shoes. You will be successful, you will make a lot of money. It was what you thought in the future for yourself, but now that was it, in a nutshell. Completely boring. You stayed for a moment thinking about them under the watchful eye of your stepfather who tried not to smile when you saw you, you were an adult now and he could finally take you as his own. They would be husband and wife, as it should have been from the beginning of its history.

And you will be able to marry someone you love. You still had only one option left, you blew out the candles with a single sigh causing Jimin to clap his hands and approach you to hug you fondly. The maids behind you only blushed when his boss started showing all of his affection. They weren't used to seeing him so often, Jimin had a firm and tough stance with everyone but he seemed to become as soft as clay in your presence. You came to mold Jimin in your favor, making him a cold person in front of his own demons and then, you left yours.

"I want marriage proposals, father." A gasp came from the mouths of the maids who just immediately fell silent. Lowering their head as they were taught. "I am ready to get married."

Jimin hummed still keeping his arms around you, your body was trapped in theirs. Your skin burned when his fingers squeezed your skin, leaving permanent marks. There was no reaction from you, you were used to this kind of unexpected treatment and it just didn't hurt.

"Get married?" His arms pulled away from you in disgust, there was no other reaction either. Jimin taught you not to object unless you knew you should. Stay calm and you will win. "And can you tell who would want to marry you? Useless little girl."

"Useless?" Your low voice seemed to make him happy for a moment.

Quickly his hands took the utensils to cut the cake, with a soft and sweet voice he continued: "Honey, men do not look for a girl with a lot of money like you. They look for someone to tame, and you, you could easily crush everyone with a wave of your hands."

A piece of the cake perfectly positioned on the plate was placed in front of you, a sob escaping your lips. You were really pathetic, eh? You clearly wanted to live something that has been claimed many times. You weren't going to get married, not without having it all like Jimin said. Then, you would lose everything and go back up to crush the others with greater pleasure.

"Aren't you going to eat? It's your cum-..."

"I will go to a neighboring town, I will finish my studies there."

Jimin looked down at his plate, ignoring how you got up from the table and put your cake aside. Then, your sweet voice finished destroying his self control that he thought he mastered long ago.

"I never liked that cake taste."

And it was the end.

You went back to the start again. You were planning to leave tonight, your bags were ready. Everything you needed was never in that house, it was never him. They were those that never existed in your present continued.

Your shoes did not seem to contrast with the dirt on the town's floor, you were also aware that those would end up in the trash. You didn't care, they were just shoes Jimin bought for your birthday, insignificant.

People were observant, and often foul-mouthed. It was no different than they spoke far from you or close to you, yet their mouths moved in a fussy way exaggerating reactions and creating new lies.

"_____...?" Your posture was decreasing, you no longer had to pretend. A smile covered your face, framing many emotions in one. "Come in please, it's your house."

Peter stepped aside, leaving room for you to enter. Your hands trembled but this time from cold, you still did not get over the harsh winter that suddenly passed. You took your shoes off quickly, briefly forgetting that this was no longer your home. You had sold the little cabin at a minimal price, and you were even happier when it was Peter who chose that place as his future home to live with his wife and his future child. Now he had two more. The little children ran in the tiny room playing with each other, a feeling of nostalgia invaded you when you saw them. You used to do the same before, together with your parents.

Those moments.

"Glad to see you around here, daughter." Peter hadn't changed, he was still the same kind and understanding person as ever. The opposite of you, of course. "Do you want to have tea? I heard on the streets that you would go to study far from here."

"Coffee, please." You responded still reluctant to talk about your departure.

Peter just laughed at your exaggerated denial, nodding and leading into the kitchen. You took a seat at the small table looking around. "You didn't change the decoration."

"Uh? ...." He seemed surprised by your observation, but he quickly smiled. "No. Actually, I think I liked it from the beginning how your ... er ... your mother decorated it. Besides, my wife loved it too. For her, it's beautiful as spring."

"Spring?" You ask, avoiding looking at it. You look down looking for some reason not to feel sad, in a way, you had compared your mother to spring as well. However, Jimin said that you were his. You never liked being called a light, because you always tried to be in your mother's shadow. And you liked it. "She believed that she is very wise, my mother was like spring."

"Thanks." A voice whispered from behind, your gaze fell on her and her face very much like your mother's. But they were obviously completely different. "I never doubted that you were just as wise. Spring represents the new beginning, a new beginning. Did you manage to find yours?"

Peter tried to intervene, clearly noticing the way his wife was trying to make you talk about your life after your mother died.

"I did. That's why I'm leaving here tonight."

"I'm glad we all need to be born again at some point."

You affirm with a small movement of the head, concentrating your gaze on the coffee cup in your hands. The smoke fell directly on your face hiding your grimace of disgust. Nobody deserves to talk about her like that yet.

"Ok, honey." Peter began by sitting across from you, with a cup of green tea and a serene expression. "Are you planning to go alone or with someone? I heard that travel today is very dangerous."

"Actually, I am accompanied by an acquaintance. His name is Jungkook, he also planned to leave and started working for me as a gardener to get the necessary money. We became good friends." You spoke remembering the adorable smile of the young man, he used to accompany you everywhere you went as if his job was to protect you. At first it was cute, but then it was annoying. Even after all that, you preferred to travel with him rather than alone.

"Oh that's very nice. I'm glad you managed to meet your goals. Good luck."

Your goals?

"Thanks, Peter."

His gaze lingered on your face for a moment, then he seemed to remember something very important. She gave you a smile before getting up to leave the kitchen.

"I have something for you, you are old enough to know this."

It was an envelope. Common and ordinary, but its envelope was beginning to deteriorate, showing that it was an old and very reserved letter.

You questioned your decision but took it, not wanting to read it in front of anyone even more when you read who wrote the letter.

You sat on the small wall, the trees and the cool breeze boosted your adrenaline. Small pieces of paper fell to the ground. So, you weren't thinking correctly at those times.

"I only married a man that I loved in all my life, I was happy. I had a daughter. I lived years of solitude and then, I was chained to an empty love."

"I know what you're reading this now. You're weak, darling. Maybe that's what made us mother and daughter. Because from the beginning I never had the courage to tell you that Jimin put a ring on my finger and a gun to my head. Or maybe, I was weak when I didn't get in the way of his errand, I should have told him that I hated him and that he could put a bullet in my head before giving it to my daughter. And maybe, I should have told everyone who passed by me that He was the same one who murdered my husband, he never left. I made you believe that. You never asked. "

"I saw you so happy today, you were running between the garden and the wedding. I could see his gaze following your hurried steps, I was almost completely sure that he was trying to get closer to you at all times. I told the woman next to me, But she shut me up saying that I can't be jealous of a father and daughter relationship. You weren't her daughter. She also ordered me to let them create a closer relationship, because I already had Park Jimin's heart in my hands. Liars."

"I always loved your curious voice. You used to ask me everything, and why everything was like that. But lately, I don't know what to answer. Why am I crying? Why is there a dark stain under my eyes? Why is there blood in the bathroom? Why did I never ask for help? I see you worry and you don't let me give you affection, because you prefer to give it to me. I also see how I start to bother him, I am a hindrance. Now I understand, I knew it but I never wanted to accept that it happened. He was everywhere, and likewise, I was never part of the plan."

"There were only two things I didn't tell you. I love you and my last piece of advice. Honey, lock it up and fly to the start, whenever you feel lost. A fresh start and never forget spring."

You stifled a sob. Covering up your pain. You had not noticed that the night had covered the sky, a dark blue blanket arrived. It took you a long time to assimilate that all the fragments were torn papers, and it was not a letter. It was an envelope filled with, apparently, incomplete sheets torn from a notebook. There was a fragment that was not part of the leaves, but rather was written later.

"Lost parts of a sad widow's diary.

Peter."

They were from your mother's diary. So where was the rest? What actually happened? A message came to your phone, you read it quickly still drying your tears.

JUNGKOOK:

Our trip is in an hour, I hope you said goodbye to everyone.

Received at 7:05 p.m.

I still do not:(

Received at 7:06 p.m.

Along with both messages was an attached picture, a photo of him and his grandmother. Jungkook talked a lot about her, and hers, her brothers. You smile, still wiping the tears from your face.

Your feet moved, the leaves in your hands seemed too heavy. And yet it was something you needed to do.

"Are you at home." His monotonous voice invaded you, he was busy reading a book that rested in his hand. The maid came over leaving a cup of coffee beside him, greeting your presence politely. "I have some things to discuss with you, darling."

"Me too, Jimin." It was the first time you had said his name without due respect, he seemed surprised for a moment. But his expression changed to one of happiness, as if he had been waiting for it. "I couldn't say goodbye, I'm leaving today. I think you already know that, though."

"Actually, no. But it's nice to hear it from you."

"I ..." Your voice dried in your throat, a giant doubt fell over you. You didn't want to leave without telling him how much you hated everything about him. His attention, his affection, his smile, his gaze, his voice. Everything about him was disgustingly charming. "I think I'll go get my bags."

Jimin nodded, ignoring your presence. Still distracted with reading him.

"Before you go, can you give me that back, darling?" Your gaze followed where he pointed his finger. Your hand. The leaves were still there.

"It's something of mine-..."

"Oh I don't think so. It really is very easy to threaten someone, just suffice to say that you can put a bullet in their head to make them your obedient little puppets."

"I do not understand your..."

"Me? It was obviously me. I'm surprised you thought your mother would be smart enough to leave a confession letter to her ex-lovers, days before her death. You really had a lot of credit for her." His chatter was accompanied by a laugh. You were paralyzed, shaking in your useless state of shock. "But I will not say that I did not plan, I hoped that you would never have the courage to try to leave my side. And even if that were the case, I knew that you would say goodbye to the only person who reminded you of her. Peter, she has a family. lovely."

Nor did he expect you to have the courage to cheat on him with another man. Oh, the gardener. Poor Jungkook, his body now rested leaving behind your favorite flowers. Jimin bit his lip, another mocking smile peeking out with intensity remembering the cutthroat figure of the innocent but guilty young man.

You were his...

"How can you be so cruel?" The doubt in you seemed to want to keep growing, passing second by second through your head. You weren't sure you could understand that everything that happened in front of you was actually planned by the same person who swore never to leave you alone. The same man who disguised himself as a sheep so he could eat you like a wolf. "Did you kill my mother ?!" Jimin seemed surprised by your desperate tone, he did not expect to be able to unbalance your state so easily.

It was lovely. Certainly.

"No sweetie." He murmured closing the book in his hands, setting it on the table next to the steaming cup of American coffee. "But it would have been exquisite to be the reason for his pain. Unfortunately, it was your father who won that title."

"Where did you get this from? I know she wrote it, and I also know that she would never give it to you knowing what a monster you are." Tears were running down your cheeks like water, you knew you were a mess but Jimin seemed to look at you like you were a perfect work of art.

"I found it." He spoke casually, getting up from his seat. Walking slowly towards your trembling figure. "It was a coincidence, I like casual things. It was a coincidence that you studied at that school, that your mother was a widow, that your father died. That he will make me fall in love with you."

What is your goal now?

"I love you darling."

Escape from the monster.

[gvldntrbl]

-🥀-

"That's a long ass time to be out of control." Hale commented, jade eyes cutting over Viggo from where the siblings sat on the sands. "What makes you try to not lose your shit again?" They asked, before pausing. "...Scarlett aside." Hale tacked on. "And you, I don't know, never thought to just ask her what she wanted and needed from you instead?" Hale asked Viggo, sending their older brother an odd look. "That shit never crossed your mind?" They wondered aloud. At the mention of Toni, the Hale family's therapist, the named heir chuckled under their breath. "She does that, make you dig up and sort through your shit." Hale commented, a corner of their mouth upturning. While such sessions were work, they wholeheartedly trusted Antonia. She was damned near sent from Mother Nature, in Hale's opinion. At least for them. A thought came to Hale then. Moments later, they shared it. Almost as an olive branch of sorts to Viggo. Another one, at least. "Is that why you starting painting? To show everyone the monster you were?"

"Arrogant and lucky no one killed your ass." The air nymph quipped which was true. Hybrids could still die, they weren't indestructible. "You prepared to kill for Ma and then just kept killing nymphs in her home realm 'cause you could?" Hale blinked. "You're a hybrid nymph. You couldn't feel their fear? Their terror as you killed them? Hunted them like animals 'til you had your fill?" The inquiries fell from the air nymph's lips with a tilt of their head as they simply watched Viggo. "Do you... Are you even sorry about that?" They asked Viggo. Hale's head lowered with a nod. "'Least you're past it now," They repeated Viggo's words from moments ago. That he was no longer a threat to the residents of the realm that Hale pledged their fealty to mere hours ago at their naming ceremony. Jade eyes narrowed at Viggo's comment because while they could feel their brother's emotions, extend into the depths with which he hated himself, Hale Roosa could not relate. At all. Hale shook their head. "No, I haven't." Still, they paused to think over Viggo's question. "Only thing that's fueled me since I can remember is vengeance. Righting the wrongs done to me, to Ma, to my family." Hale shared. "The difference between us - you think you're a monster and hate it. ...But me? If I'm a monster? If I have to be? I'm gonna be the best fucking monster." For a nymph raised in the protection of Eastland's realm and among its pack, as they spoke, it was obvious that Hale Roosa was, quite simply, the physical embodiment of their mother's wrath. Among other passionate emotions.

Hale held up an index finger, their eyes meeting level with Viggo's, as they sat on the sands. "You've got one," Despite being in their early forties, as Hale spoke, a source much younger was noticeably heard. Of the lone nymph in a pack of wolves whose mother boasted much about a brother it took decades to ever see in person. A young child who searched for an older brother that, in turn, never seemed to glance Hale's way. Or want anything to do with them. "One chance, Viggo." Hale continued. "I saved you, months ago. During that attack. ...Don't prove me wrong for having your back." Hale ignored the firmness in their own voice and how tense their body became at the offer that they presented to Viggo. At the mention of Scarlett, the serious tone eased and the nymph internally appreciated the relief. "She knows I love her back. That she's always safe with me. With us, here." Truly, it's all Hale wanted for their family. To be safe in their home realm, especially seeing how their mother wasn't given that luxury. A fact that, prior to Iris taking the right for herself, a young version of Hale resolved to correct for both her and the rest of their family. Plus, for their self. Hale sighed. "I want a fucking drink. And more cliff dives. ...You ready for some more rounds? I need another dive. One where you're not so fuckin' afraid and killing my high."

Viggo shrugged and shook his head because in the moment it was pretty terrifying. Hind sight was always twenty-twenty. Viggo laughed but gave a nod, "Yeah, I had my moment. Lost control and now I'm trying to get it back."

Viggo sighed and shook his head, "I don't know. I guess just that. I lost myself trying to be what I thought mom wanted and needed me to be and in it I lost myself and what I wanted. Then I just lost myself." He sighed, "I don't really know how to explain it other than that. From what I've dug up with Toni... I've created this image of a monster because that's what I felt like." He shook his head, "no, not all of them deserved it. The ones we both went after, definitely deserved it." Viggo gave a nod, "we were here, we were just laying low. Mom lower than me. I was... arrogant to say the least. Prepared for what mom had planned the revenge she deserved after what she went through." He shrugged, "The only nymphs I had ever really been around was mom really. I mean a few hear and there but it was... intoxicating at first." He sighed, "I've gotten passed it now but sometimes there is still this little voice in my head that tells me I'm mom's biggest mistake. You ever have something like that? Something inside that just kind of eats at you a little everyday?"

He shook his head and hummed a laugh not really wanting an answer because this wasn't a therapy session. "I want nothing more than to be your brother and be there for you. Always have, but I wasn't going to force it either." He smiled at them because he had wanted to be that brother for so long. "I'm ready and I want to be that brother for you." He laughed at them, "She loves you so much. I have no worries there. She is more loved than I think she realizes but I couldn't ask for anything else for her. That alone means the world to me."

[sorryimananti-romantic]

Mist | Choi San | Chapter 6

Pairing: Choi San x OC (Seohyun)

Genre: supernatural (ghost), romance, high school

Trigger Warnings: paranormal, death mentions, violence

Words: 14k

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except my original character and the story. I do not own any gifs or pictures used.

Full story on Wattpad (don’t spoil here if you read there too)

chapter directory

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Seohyun woke up with a groan, her head feeling heavy. She opened her eyes, blinking as the events of last night came to her. San was no longer here though. She checked her phone, and there was a text from him, saying his parents had called him.

After a shower and a cup of coffee, Seohyun sat in front of the television, thinking what she was gonna do. It was Saturday so they had no school, and she'd caught up on her sleep. She wanted to go out, but it was risky. The ghost- that evil, evil thing could turn up anywhere. Plus, she had no idea where Gayoung and Youngjae were.

Seohyun bit her lip as she thought about solving this problem; there was no way this ghost would come to her senses with mere words. It didn't look like she had faith in god anymore too, so a simple exorcism would be difficult. So what could she do? She had never dealt with such a dangerous one before, someone who was hell-bent on killing her.

And this time, it made sense why the ghost wanted to kill her so badly. All the evil ghosts she'd encounter in her life had never had an actual reason to harm her except being angry at life and whatnot. But this woman; what she had said made sense. And if it was true...

She wished there was another mediator she could consult with. But there was the matter of it being an inherited-once-dead thing. She could consult with the shaman she knew. Maybe he could help her communicate with a wise old ghost who'd actually give her a few tips.

The ghost's words rang in her ears: Don't tell me you didn't know? When a mediator dies, there is a short time period during which there is no other mediator in the world. That's when ghosts can do whatever they want; trespass, interact with humans, and much more. She cursed the previous mediators for not making an account of their knowledge and findings. She made a mental note to write a mediator guideline for the next unlucky person.

Seohyun got up, deciding she'd go to the shaman herself. No point waiting; she wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. The shaman was not too far from where she lived. She would take a taxi, just to be safe.

Seohyun was wondering where those two siblings had disappeared off too. She had allowed them to come and go as they pleased; it was unusual for them to be gone so long. Seohyun reached the place where the shaman lived after 10 minutes, getting off and finding the doors locked.

"Just my great fucking luck," she sighed, going to the market right in front of that place and asking if they knew where the shaman had went. She found out he had moved recently. She mentally cursed herself for not keeping his business card with her; she would have to go home and check if she still had it. She usually made some other use of business cards, such as making airplanes and boats out of them. Her origami was going to be the death of her.

Seohyun was just calling for taxi when she felt her heart sink in, realizing the evil ghost was near. She quickly stepped into property instead of hanging around the street, but nothing appeared. Maybe she was going insane, finally.

After waiting for two solid minutes, she was about to sit in the taxi when she heard a voice say:

"I saw that pretty boy leave your house in the morning."

Chills ran down her spine as she finally met her eyes with the ghost. "And what of it?"

"I found it interesting that he has the sight. I was wondering how that could help me."

"What do you mean?" Seohyun paused- this was not happening.

"He can see me. He thought he saw me in the morning but I hid. So I, with the help of those two kids who were too scared to disobey me, led him somewhere. And if you are a decent human, you'd follow me."

"You're lying."

"Go ahead and check if I am," she countered.

With a wildly beating heart, Seohyun pressed call, once, twice, thrice. He was not picking up. She texted in the group chat if anyone had been in contact with San since today. And everyone replied they hadn't.

Seohyun sighed in defeat as she said, "Lead the way."

The woman howled with laughter, making Seohyun grit her teeth and want to strangle her, but she walked, taking her god knows where. Seohyun tried to ask if she really wanted to kill her, and if so, why wasn't she already doing it. Why wait?

They were out in a clearing, near the expressway where cars and trucks rushed in full speed. What was she gonna do, attempt a ritual? Seohyun didn't understand.

"Just tell me where San is. And don't even think about hurting me. You want me, you have me."

"Oh dear," the woman walked towards her, and Seohyun tried to keep her calm as she grew closer, circling her once before whispering in her ear, "I don't have you. Not yet."

Seohyun winced at her foul breath, the woman raking a nail across her neck, drawing out blood. "I can't give you a mortal wound. I can only hurt you so much. That's why you mediators have it so easy."

Even if Seohyun's neck was on fire from the pain, she felt a spark of hope in her heart. That would mean she could run- she could escape.

"But that doesn't mean I can't do it indirectly," the ghost smiled, baring her brown teeth, and it was the evilness in her eyes that made Seohyun gasp as she realized.

She had been stupid- but she had no guarantee that San was safe. That Gayoung and Youngjae were safe. She couldn't run, not exactly. The woman flicked her hand, and Seohyun winced at the sound of a car crashing. She turned sharply; the car had hit the truck. The car had crashed the other way, but the truck-

It was tumbling and was coming right for her- unnaturally.

Seohyun forgot about everything else and ran, but somehow the woman was able to control the movement of the truck. She jumped in an attempt to dodge, the woman was cornering her. She had no choice but to step on the road, but one of the speeding cars failed to dodge the crashed car and struck it, skidding across the road and hitting Seohyun with a tremendous force that sent her flying before her head hit the traffic barrier and everything went black.

The woman laughed even as she cried out in pain. She had emptied the last of her powers on this crash, and she screamed as she felt herself burn from the inside out. But Seohyun was surely dead- she had to be. If she was dead, this wouldn't happen to her.

The woman screamed one last time before disappearing into thin air- this time for good. But it was no good now. Seohyun lay unconscious on the road, bent in a painful angle as people surrounded her and called an ambulance. A student checked her pulse; it was growing weaker by the second.

Seohyun was rushed to the hospital as soon as the ambulance arrived; her heart flatlined once before she was revived again, having escaped death from a hair's breadth. She was put on hold for her surgery as they called her mother for consent.

Her mother had rushed into the hospital- face streaked with tears. She had only had time to touch her face once before she was taken to the operating room, and she sat on the waiting chair, motionless. Her friend, Aunt Yuri that Seohyun had always liked, had comforted her mother, making her drink water and relax a bit. All they could do was pray.

Seohyun's phone, which was now in Yuri's hand, rang. It was Yunho. Yuri picked the phone, inquiring if he was a friend, and when he assured her that he was indeed a close friend, Yuri revealed the accident to him.

Yunho had almost dropped his phone as he heard, terror washing over him as he realized it must have been the evil ghost's doing. He washed his face, sighing as he tried to control his trembling hands. He was not ready to lose a friend.

Yunho called and told each of their friends individually, keeping San for the last, frowning when he did not pick up. He decided to go to his home and check. Before he reached his home, he found San walking outside the house as if looking for someone.

"San, hey," Yunho rushed to him, "Why weren't you picking the phone?"

"I lost it, but then Gayoung and Youngjae admitted they had hidden my phone. I was just going after them; I don't know why they'd done so. What's wrong?"

Yunho bit his lip as he thought of how to reveal it to him. He told him then; Seohyun had been in an accident, and she was under surgery now. They weren't sure if she was gonna make it.

San put a hand to his head, shaking his head in disbelief. "Was it- is it because of the ghost?"

"Not sure," Yunho said, "But seeing how Gayoung and Youngjae hid your phone, it must be. Seohyun was trying to contact you all day."

"Shit. Shit!" San punched the air in frustration, his lip trembling. How had it come to this?

"Which hospital is she in? I need to go."

So Yunho and San took a taxi to the hospital, and Yunho kept a hand on San's trembling one the whole ride. He seemed intent to keep his calm. When they arrived, they asked the reception for Seohyun and rushed to the floor she was in. They saw two women right outside the operating room, and figured it had to be Seohyun's mother and her friend who'd picked the phone. They sat on a distance, and San put his head in his hands as they waited.

Yuri, who had noticed the two boys, came towards them, asking if one of them was indeed Yunho. "We're praying for the best, but the doctors say it's risky. You both should head home, this surgery might take a while."

"It's fine," San finally said, "I'll wait."

Yuri raised a brow but then nodded, saying she was going to grab some coffee for Seohyun's mother and she'd grab some for them too. After drinking and some comforting from both sides, having found Seohyun's mother fallen asleep, the boys decided to get some air.

They walked in the hospital garden which was pretty big, lit by several lamps, and some of the patients could be seen sitting or walking. San's eyes were on the ground; he was afraid if he looked up he'd cry.

Yunho patted San's back and he put his face in his hands, sighing. He'd never imagine this. And the way Seohyun had been last night, so scared, he should have known. The things she said, he should have believed it wasn't just her being paranoid.

Hongjoong and Seonghwa came along with Yeosang; the rest lived too far away and couldn't join at this hour. Yeosang looked visibly pale and he kept rubbing his hands as if he felt cold. Upon asking, Yunho told them she was still in surgery, and yes, her mom was here with a friend too.

They sat in the garden. Seonghwa had bought some sandwiches from home; he knew some of them wouldn't have had dinner yet.

"You should eat, San," he said, "We don't know how long the surgery is gonna be. It's no good if you're on an empty stomach." He handed him a sandwich and San halfheartedly nibbled on it. The rest of them were pretty much silent too, at loss for words. They found comfort in just being together.

After finishing, they decided to go up and check the situation and maybe go back home to sleep. San dusted his clothes as he walked, and stopped dead in his tracks as he heard a familiar voice call his name.

"San."

The rest of them paused, looking back at San, whose eyes were wide with terror. "What's wrong?" Hongjoong asked.

San dreadfully turned back as if not quite believing, and the water bottle he'd been holding slipped out of his hand.

It couldn't be.

In front of him was Seohyun, unscratched, smiling sadly.

She was a ghost.

-----------------

"Seohyun?"

San couldn't believe his eyes. Seohyun stood unscratched in front of him, but it was not her. It couldn't be. She was in an accident, how could she be in front of him like this?

A cry of pain escaped from Yeosang as he realized, covering his ears as if that could mean he was wrong. Hongjoong and Seonghwa looked at each other, and Yunho stepped towards San, stopping when he found him staring in the distance.

"How are you... here?" San managed to ask, walking towards her, but she took a step back, leaving San's hand dangling in the air. His brows were furrowed in a pained expression.

"I don't know, San," Seohyun said, smiling sadly. San went for her abruptly, and his hand went through her.

"No... This can't be...." San's knees gave out and Yunho rushed to him, massaging his back as tears finally escaped his eyes. He sat down, his face in his hands, now almost touching the ground. Seohyun bent near him as if she could touch him.

"It's my fault," San sniffed. Yunho wiped his eyes, looking back Hongjoong- pale with shock, Seonghwa clinging to him, holding Yeosang's trembling hand.

"It's not your fault. It's that witch's fault. And you have to listen-"

"It's mine," San whispered. Seohyun bit her lip as she began to speak but was cut again as he said, "I'm sorry I didn't pick your phone."

"I know what happened, don't worry-"

"I'm sorry-"

"CHOI SAN LISTEN TO ME FOR A SECOND!" Seohyun shouted and San jerked, forcing his head up to face her. "I don't think I'm dead. Not fully, at least. You have to go and ask the details."

"What do you mean? You're a ghost, doesn't that mean-"

"Maybe not. Please do that."

San nodded, explaining to the others that there was a possibility she was alive, though it did not make sense to him. They started walking to the building, and Seohyun said, "And please wipe your faces. Don't show that you know anything. I don't want my mom to know that I'm a ghost, even if I'm dead."

San winced at that but did so, and they went upstairs in the waiting area, where Seohyun's mother was crying. Yuri was patting her back but looked okay. Upon seeing San and Yunho with other friends, she whispered something to Seohyun's mother, who casted a glance at them and nodded, and Yuri walked to them.

"Seohyun's alive for now. She's in a coma. The surgery was successful but this was unavoidable, so we can expect her to return sometime within 3 months or more, depending on Seohyun now. Can't say anything about that. You guys should go home. They'll let you see her tomorrow."

Seohyun sighed in relief despite herself, and the boys finally managed a smile and asked San if she was here. San nodded, looking at Seohyun. She smiled happily now for San's sake, but he was still gloomy.

"You're gonna smile back or I'm gonna haunt you in your dreams, Choi San."

San let out a short laugh. "I guess you can do that now. Let's go out."

They went to an empty street and San asked Seohyun what had happened. She told him how the woman had used San as a bait for her to call her out. San told her that Gayoung and Youngjae had only taken his phone, assuring her he'd been home all day. Seohyun assured him it was still not his fault, that sooner or later this would've happened.

"So where's the ghost now? If you're still alive, won't it come after you again?" Seonghwa asked.

"I'll have to ask around," Seohyun said. "I can actually teleport now. I'm gonna try and find Gayoung and Youngjae. They must have been pretty scared if they did her bidding."

"Stay safe, Seohyun," San said, and Seohyun brought her hand near his face as if she meant to touch him.

"I will. Don't worry. Go home guys, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, we'll tell the others too now," Yunho said, "They'll be shocked."

"San, please tell Yeosang to stop trembling. I'm alive!"

San looked at Yeosang. He still seemed pale and his hands wouldn't stop shaking. So he did what Seohyun would have done for him; took his hands in his own, telling him it was alright. Seohyun was alive.

"I just can't believe it," Yeosang said, "For a second- when you said her name- I thought-"

"Yeah, I know, me too," San admitted. "It's alright. She's okay."

They waved her goodbye as they went home, and Seohyun cursed as loudly as she could, now that no one could hear her. Then she decided it was time to teleport to that hill, Gayoung and Youngjae must be given an earful.

She closed her eyes shut and imagined being sucked into space. The familiar tingling sensation ran from the top of her head to the tip of her toes; one moment she was here and the next, cold wind hit her face. She was there.

She peeked into the 'cave', basically a home to the ghost siblings. She found them sitting with their knees close to their chest. It was crazy how much they were like each other.

Seohyun cleared her throat and walked in, and the two of them stumbled back, almost falling.

"Are you alive?

"Are you dead?"

"Neither," Seohyun replied, "I did not know going into a coma would make me a ghost."

"Seohyun, I am so sorry-"

"Don't," Seohyun put a hand in the air, shutting them up. "Just tell me what made you do this."

"She threatened to hurt our parents. She knew where they lived. They're who we're staying here for, if she hurt them... I'm sorry," Gayoung looked down in shame.

"She actually asked us to 'take care' of San. We didn't promise her anything, just that he wouldn't interfere," Youngjae added.

"Well, thank you for that," Seohyun smiled, sitting near them. "It must have been hard for you both."

The two of them looked at each other, on the verge of crying.

"I swear if a tear falls down your faces, I'm personally gonna kick you out of this ghost realm."

Gayoung laughed a little, quickly wiping her eyes, and Youngjae did the same. They were just kids, Seohyun thought. They shouldn't have had to think it was their fault or anything.

"But what happened with the witch?" Seohyun asked.

"After she thought she killed you, we saw her screaming. We had just teleported to you when we sensed you were in danger. She just... vanished. And this time I mean like dissipated in the air like ashes. I guess she died again..." Youngjae said.

"Wow. Serves her right!" Seohyun sighed in relief.

"Did you meet San?" Gayoung asked and Seohyun nodded, looking grim.

"I don't think you should leave him alone tonight. He's gonna take this badly."

Seohyun's heart sank. She was right. Seohyun expected San to be alright, but that was just her own expectation. She wasn't actually so sure he would be.

"I don't know where he lives," Seohyun said.

"We'll take you to her," Gayoung said, holding out her hand to her and squeezing it, muttering an earnest thank you. Seohyun nodded, and they teleported once again.

It was an average looking house, much like the ones along the whole street. But somehow it felt more like a home than Seohyun's plain house looked.

"Do you think I can enter?" She wondered out loud, and Gayoung grinned.

"You should try. You should be able to since you're a mediator anyway."

Seohyun shrugged, taking a careful step forward. Indeed, she was able to enter. It seemed like she did have special benefits being a ghost. "I feel like I'm intruding."

"Oh he's your boyfriend, just go," Gayoung waved her hand at her, dismissing her as Youngjae grinned, wriggling hi brows at her. The two snickered, waving bye and teleporting back.

Seohyun stood awkwardly at the front door, afraid she'd be intruding their privacy. She paced back and forth, wondering if she should call San, or just go up and give him a little scare in the process. He probably wasn't in the mood for fun and jokes. She'd seen his face when he'd thought she'd die, and it was something she wished she could erase from her memory.

While she was biting her nails in confusion, she heard the front door open, and for a second, she panicked. But it was only San.

"I saw you from my window," he said, holding the door open, "Come in."

Seohyun bit her lip and nodded, entering. San closed the door behind him and led her upstairs. They went past his sister's room before entering his. Seohyun looked around, his love for plushies obvious by his large collection.

"Which one is Shiber?" Seohyun asked.

"That one," San pointed at the bed. It was a shiba plushie. San slept with it, it seemed.

"Poor thing," Seohyun grinned. San gave her a little smile as he motioned for her to sit. He sat on his bed and Seohyun brought the chair close. "Not how I thought I'd come to your home."

San shook his head, looking down. Seohyun almost leaned forward to touch him until she realized she couldn't. "Are you okay?"

"I'm not, to be honest," San began, meeting eyes with her, "I really thought you... were dead. When you appeared like that. I'm still not over that feeling."

Seohyun felt guilty. She'd found herself a ghost at the site of the accident, right when they were taking her to the hospital. She'd made it there, but she couldn't bring herself to step inside the hospital. She'd spotted San and Yunho from there. "I'm sorry."

"Oh no, you don't have to be," San shook his head, "Not your fault. I just wish I could... touch you right now. Hold you so I'd know you're real and it's not me going crazy."

"I know San," Seohyun almost whispered, "Me too."

They looked at each other sadly, and Seohyun put her hand in front of him, and for a moment San thought she was gonna ask for a high-five. "Put your hand here," she said.

San put his hand forward, and before he could touch, Seohyun pulled hers a little back. "No touching. Just... close. Like this," she put their hands close until there was only a hair's breadth of distance between them. San could have swore he could feel her warmth.

She smiled at him and drew her hand back. "The sibling duo was threatened by that bitch too. I feel sorry for them."

"That explains," San thought, "they didn't seem the type to just turn away like this."

"They apologized thoroughly. But it's okay now. It's only a matter of waking up from that coma... If I can make it."

"Keep your hopes up," San scolded and she smiled sheepishly. "How do you feel though? I mean, now that you're... a ghost. Does it feel any different that being a human?"

"I don't exactly feel weird inside," Seohyun realized, "But there does seem to be something different about this world now. It's like there's a veil over my eyes. Everything is a little cloudy now. Like I have bad eyesight."

"Does that mean you can't see me clearly?" San wondered.

"No, it's like there's a filter now. You know like the ones in the camera where you can decrease the clarity? That's how it feels. Weird."

San nodded. "Will you sleep?"

"I honestly don't know," Seohyun admitted. "I'll watch you sleep though. Maybe that might put me to sleep."

"I don't think I can sleep with you watching me," San huffed. Seohyun let out a short laugh and asked, "Do you want me to go?"

"No- stay. Please," he said, getting up to turn off the lights so there was only light from the little lamp on his desk. He lied down on his bed, facing her, watching her as she stood by the window, peeking out.

She was a ghost, San thought. He wanted her to wake up as soon as possible. He wasn't sure if he could live if Seohyun, god forbid, died and remained a ghost. He couldn't even imagine it.

As if sensing his thoughts, Seohyun turned, staring at him for a moment, those cheekbones pronounced in the shadows. She walked towards him slowly as he watched, and dropped to her knees in front of him, resting her head on the little space on the bed near San, and he crouched too, until they faced each other. She tested once, let her hand hover over his, putting it on top of him- but it passed through, making San shiver a little. So she drew her hand a bit back, until it almost touched at the fingertips.

They stared at each other, and San's eyelid drooped, shutting as he fell asleep. Seohyun closed her eyes too.

--------------------

Seohyun must have actually fell asleep because when she awoke, when she opened her eyes, she was not in San's room but in front of her body, lying still with tubes coming out of everywhere. Her mother was sleeping rather uncomfortably on the sofa.

Her mother. She looked disheveled, and it made Seohyun gasp a little with surprise. She had always seen her so composed, so calm and full of control. She couldn't bring herself to go to her mother when she'd seen her crying of relief, back when they'd heard that her surgery had been successful.

She was glad that her Aunt Yuri had kept her company. She would have to thank her when she woke up. If she ever did. Seohyun shook her head, ridding herself of such thoughts.

Seohyun figured this was where she was gonna wake up every time she slept. She peeked out of the window to see that it was already morning. She felt like she hadn't slept at all, which was weird.

Her mother groaned, rubbing her eyes as she woke up. She looked like she had forgotten for a moment where she was, and as she took in her surroundings, Seohyun saw realization hit her as she jerked violently.

Her mother stared at her for a long while, before sighing and throwing her head in her hands. She thought her state must have been a nuisance for her ever-busy mother, but then she saw the tears fall down her mother's eyes as she hastily wiped at them.

She fell back on her seat, laughing, probably at the situation. And then she spoke:

"When your dad left me, I thought nothing could break me anymore."

Seohyun's eyes went a little wide at the sudden mention of her dad, who had passed away due to his heart problem a little after Seohyun's birth. Her mother had told her fragments of her life with him; they had met at work and fallen in love, spending a few years together before marrying and having a daughter.

"Your dad... he had my whole heart. So you can't blame me for my lack of love because it went with him to the grave. I tried loving you, and I thought it would be very hard. But somehow... I didn't even realize that I already loved you, way before you were born. I loved the thought of you."

Seohyun's heart sank. She thought she was invading her privacy by hearing all this... But technically, her mother was talking to her, wasn't she?

"I realize now. Now that you're looking like your dad in his last moments, I realize how afraid I am to lose you. If you followed him, I'd just be an empty shell."

Seohyun wanted to hug her mom and tell her it was alright. She wanted to give her a sign that she was here... but she figured it would do more harm than good.

"I hope you come back, Seohyun. My little girl. I promise to be a better mother, just- come back."

Seohyun's eyes shone with silver as she smiled at her mother's word. So her mother really did love her. She watched as she got up, straightening her clothes. "I'm going to distract myself until you're back. And then I will give you all the time in this world. Take you where you want to. Act like a proper mother that I should have done years ago. I'm- I'm sorry for not doing that earlier."

She walked to Seohyun's body, planting a kiss on her forehead and Seohyun could have sworn she felt a tingle of it too.

Her mother left after smiling at her, and Seohyun inhaled. She needed to distract herself too.

------------

"I'm making a video of this, and no one is gonna stop me."

"What if someone sees it, Yeosang?" Hongjoong asked, shaking his head.

"I don't care," he replied as he did exactly as he had said. Make a video of Seohyun drumming furiously.

Except you could not see Seohyun and it looked like the drums were playing itself.

"I could start a YouTube channel and earn money from videos like these," he smirked.

"If you start earning money because I'm on the borderline of death," Seohyun had stopped drumming now, "I'll actually haunt you for the rest of my life."

San, who was watching the whole thing while sulking on the sofa, told Yeosang exactly what she had said.

"Good. At least I'll have company for the rest of my life."

Seohyun threw the drumstick, aiming for his head, and it hit home as he yelled in pain, a few colourful words escaping his mouth.

"You deserved it," Hongjoong laughed. Yeosang threw the drumstick back and Seohyun caught it, putting it down. She was done playing. She took the notebook they'd given her for communication and wrote: If I do end up dying, I'll help you all make money. At least I'll still be useful after death, you morons.

She held the notebook for them to read, trying to hide the view from San, but he ended up peeking too, and shook his head again, sulking even more.

"Back with her death jokes," Hongjoong looked at the book with disapproval.

Seohyun threw the book back at the table and came to sit with San, mirroring his sulking position. "It's so boring to have only you to actually talk to, no offence."

"Some taken," San said, "Be grateful I can see you. Imagine if I hadn't followed you that day."

"Actually grateful for that," Seohyun grinned. A ghost of smile crept on his face.

She heard the door of the warehouse open as the rest of them arrived. "Is Seohyun here?" Wooyoung asked, looking worried.

Hongjoong said yes, and he looked around saying, "Wherever you are, I'm so sorry about the accident, Seohyun. I don't want you to die, please come back! I can't lose you!"

Seohyun picked the pillow and threw it with considerable force at Wooyoung, who screamed and Mingi laughed. "Glad to see you're in good spirits."

"Are you okay though?" Jongho asked, having realized she must be sitting with San, "Does it... hurt or anything?"

San told them she said it was fine, it was just like being alive except no one can see her anymore which is making her sad and bored. He skipped the part where she had said that San was kinda boring these days too.

"Glad to hear," Wooyoung put the bag of snacks on the table. "I bought snacks, but... can you eat?"

Seohyun decided it was time to test that theory. She hadn't felt the need to eat, but she supposed theoretically she should be able to eat. She picked a packet of chips and opened it, the rest of them watching her curiously. She picked one in her hand, and then slowly put it in her mouth.

She could eat.

She danced in victory, making the rest of them laugh as Yunho hooted, "Time to loot the stores!"

"Nice idea!" She yelled back, coming back to sit with San, offering him some. He refused first but she made him open his mouth and put one in it. "This feels good. It's like being able to touch you."

San smiled. He felt that too.

Seohyun got up, going to Seonghwa and waiting for him to open his mouth. He was confused for a second but then opened, and Seohyun put the chip in his mouth. "This feels weird," he muttered, but smiled.

One by one, Seohyun put chips in their mouths, making them laugh. Yeosang filmed the whole thing, saying he was gonna make a compilation video once she was back.

San watched her with a curious look in his eyes. She had been acting a bit... different. More cheerful than she should have been. Or maybe he was too gloomy? When Seohyun came back, San folded his arms. "Did something... happen today?"

Seohyun got quiet for a second before she told him about how she had heard her mom talk to her. San wished he could hug her. Even though she sat right next to him, she felt so distant. His heart ached.

"At least now you know for sure that your mother does love you, in her own way."

"I suppose so," Seohyun sighed, folding her arms, watching Mingi and Wooyoung have a little brawl over who was better at drums, "I haven't ever seen her like that. Makes me want to not... die. Not that it's in my control anymore."

"Don't think like that," San turned towards her, "Your willpower is important."

"Is it?" Seohyun countered, and San narrowed his eyes. "I'll have to test that theory-"

"Do not even THINK of trying something reckless-" His voice was raising.

"I'd like to see you stop me-"

"HEY!" San got up abruptly, and everyone turned to look at him, "Does your life mean nothing to you?"

Seohyun instantly got deja vu. He'd said something like this before too. She stared at him as he groaned and pinched his nose bridge in frustration, pacing back and forth and then stopping again. "I thought your life meant something to you now. You had friends- you had us. We love you and care about you so much. I care about you so much. Your mother does. But all you care about is yourself?"

"San-" Blood rushed to Seohyun's cheeks as she realized, "I didn't mean-"

"You did mean it, Seohyun," San sighed, "I- I thought you finally had something to live for."

"San, I do. Believe me, I do."

San looked at her, shaking his head, and Seohyun felt like she could disappear. "Think about it, Seohyun."

He turned and started to go, and Seohyun grabbed his hand- or tried to- but it passed right through.

"I need some time to clear my head," he muttered as he left.

Everyone watched San leave the warehouse, and their eyes went back to where San had been standing, where Seohyun now stood. She felt disappointed in herself. She slumped down on the sofa, the others realizing she was still here.

"What was that about?" Seonghwa asked out loud. Seohyun just clenched her hair as she groaned loudly, cursing herself, glad nobody could hear her right now.

Hongjoong came and sat near Seohyun, saying, "If you want to talk about it, I'm here."

Seohyun thought it was sweet of him. He'd brought the pen and notebook too, placing it in between them. Seohyun took it, scribbling in it.

I messed up big time

Hongjoong read it, scooting a little closer, the notebook seemingly in her lap. She wrote again:

I'm a disappointment to San.

Hongjoong shook his head, "You're not. Trust me, you're not." He took a deep breath, having figured out what the fight was about. "I know you've had it rough, and you're not used to all these new relations. But whatever happened, you can set it right. San won't stay angry, but he'll be truly disappointed if you don't."

Seohyun thought about, and didn't realize her tears were falling on the notebook. Hongjoong could see it.

"You haven't cried since the accident, right? You're very brave, Seohyun."

Seohyun laughed a bit as she realized, making her cry even harder. She scribbled Thanks in the notebook, putting it aside. She knew what she had to do. Apologize.

She got up, walking towards the piano. Seating herself, she tested the keys, giving everyone a little scare before she started to play.

It was the piece Joon Hyuk had taught her. It was utterly sad but beautiful, and it had took her months to get better at it. As she played, she realized her muscle memory was better now. So she lost herself in the sadness of it, her fingers dancing on the keyboard.

When she was finished, she opened her eyes, breathing. it took her a good minute to come back to reality, and when she did, everyone was staring at her. Or the piano.

"Tell me someone got it on their phone," Yeosang mumbled.

Seohyun threw her head back and laughed out loud as she watched the boys fight over why no one took the liberty of filming this moment.

-----------------

That night, Seohyun was pacing in the park near San's house, wondering how she should make things right. A simple 'sorry' wouldn't suffice. She wished she could touch him, hug him. Maybe that would have put more depth to the apology.

She was out of options. And as she was muttering to herself about how much of a bitch she had been, San came walking in, stopping abruptly when he saw her still pacing and cursing. She hadn't noticed yet. So he shook slightly with laughter as he heard her rather colourful vocabulary.

Seohyun sighed, looking up, and finally saw San, her heart sinking to her feet. "Gosh, you gave me a scare," she put a hand to her heart as she breathed.

"It's not like you can die of a heart attack now," San said.

Seohyun paused, narrowing her eyes at him. "Excuse me?"

San shrugged, but lost his demeanor as he finally laughed. "Oh how the tables have turned!" Seohyun gasped, kicking a pebble at him, glad when it struck his leg and he winced.

She gave him a long look. "Are you okay?"

"I am," San said, motioning to the swings and they took one. As they bobbed lightly, Seohyun finally took a deep breath and said, "I am sorry, San."

"For what?" he asked, looking at her.

"For everything," Seohyun said. "I've been a terrible friend."

"No you're not," he smiled. "I just wish you'd give yourself more credit. You don't have to apologize to me. You should be apologizing to yourself."

"Damn, that's poetic," Seohyun said and she could've sworn she heard San mutter 'insufferable', but he still laughed. "Alright. I'll give myself more credit. I won't make death jokes again too."

"Now what would Seohyun be without her death jokes?"

"That is a very valid point," Seohyun smiled. "Alright, I'll just... be a better person. You know."

It seemed like San was enjoying her struggle to find words. "I know what?"

Seohyun's jaw tensed. "Be glad I can't hit you, San."

San smirked.

That cocky little-

Seohyun got up, searching for something to throw at San, who just laughed loudly as he ran away from her.

---------

Days passed. Weeks passed.

A month passed- yet Seohyun was not awake.

Every morning, Seohyun awoke at the hospital, no matter where she slept. She had made the warehouse her home now, since going back to her house was just a reminder that she was not alive, but not dead either.

She wasn't sure how she felt about this situation. The first few days, everyone had been super sensitive about what they said in front of her. But now, everyone was busy with school too. So Seonghwa advised her to attend school too, to not get behind her studies. But Seohyun said that technically, she was still in hospital which meant she could skip school now.

It took her one day without them, bored out of her mind, and she decided that yes, she would go to school too.

So everyday, she sat in her seat, not really paying attention to the lectures but still feeling like she was a part of this world. A part of the living.

And she'd help a lot of ghosts too. Ghosts didn't find her like they did when she was alive, but occasionally she'd stumble upon a lost ghost and help them out, saying she was 'experienced' in helping the fellow-dead.

She was out helping a ghost, a little girl barely 7 years old. She missed her mom and was still hanging on because she had to give her mom a gift, she had promised to. Seohyun's heart went out for the little girl, and she decided to help her.

Seohyun took the girl to her own house, and the little girl went 'wow' when she realized she could touch things now. So Seohyun gave her a nice page and colour pencils while the girl made a drawing. The gift to her mom.

Seohyun hadn't been home in quite a while now. She walked around her room, memories of San and Jiwoo coming to her mind. She smiled as she took the painting of Jiwoo in her hands.

"I'm done!" The girl said, and Seohyun placed the painting back, going to the desk.

"So your name is Yerim?" She asked and Yerim nodded. She had made a cartoon of herself and her mom, labelling it.

"That is a beautiful drawing, Yerim. I'm sure your mom would love it."

Yerim smiled and Seohyun pinched her cheeks. "Now let's give that to your mom."

Yerim guided her to her home, and they went inside, deciding to hide the painting in Yerim's room so when her mom would come, she'd find it, and think she had already made it before she died.

"Thank you, unnie!" Yerim hugged Seohyun and she marvelled at the feeling. She hadn't touched anyone since she'd been a ghost.

Seohyun picked the girl in her arms. "You're so light!" Yerim laughed and hugged her again. They got out of the house, walking randomly, Yerim still in her arms. The black cat started following them too.

"The cat can see you?" Yerim asked.

"Oh yes. When I was... alive, it was my friend. It's still my friend when I'm ghost."

"That's cool," Yerim said as she waved at the cat.

Seohyun asked, "Now that you have done what you stayed here for, you should go now. There's a better world, where you'll wait for your mom. She'll be there soon."

"Will she?" She asked and Seohyun nodded.

"Can we go to the park over there? I used to come there to play with my mom. It has so many flowers too."

"Of course," Seohyun looked at where she had pointed. The park was full of kids and their parents, playing around. "That's a nice place."

Seohyun dropped Yerim and she asked if she would be able to touch the cat. She squealed in surprise when she could.

"What's the name of this cat?"

"Ah. I haven't named it yet..." Was it Shiber or Byeol?

"You can call it Yerim!"

Seohyun paused. She got the strange urge to stretch her cheek.

"You're very cute, Yerim. I'll call her that," Seohyun smiled.

Yerim nodded, looking at the kids, and Seohyun watched her fade away. Feeling the sudden urge to cry, she shook her head and motioned for the cat to follow her.

After roaming around aimlessly, Seohyun reached the warehouse, finding it utterly dark. Not even the usual light was on.

"Where did everyone go?" She muttered, turning to go out, almost jumping out of her skin when she heard what sounded like a blast.

It was a party popper.

"Happy birthday!"

Seohyun turned to find everyone clapping and holding a cake, the only light in the room from the candles. San was laughing at Seohyun's horrified expressions. She truly had forgotten that it was her birthday. She shook her head, laughing.

"You guys, you're- how did you plan this?"

"It took us days to plan," San admitted, and Wooyoung said, "We had to think of a way you'd be busy today."

"But I was busy today because- no way. No way!" Seohyun looked at San in disbelief and he nodded. "I found her before you did and asked her to keep you busy. She was more than happy to."

"Wow," Seohyun shook her head, pinching her nose bridge but smiling at the effort.

"Blow the candles," Seonghwa said, and Yeosang took to his filming.

Seohyun felt strangely happy as she blew her candles, not bothering to make a wish. Hongjoong turned on the lights and she looked around, noticing the various gifts lying in the corner, and her favourite dishes on the table.

San led them to the table, where she cut the cake and made everyone take a bite from her hands. She couldn't thank them enough; this was the first time she had a surprise- or even a celebration.

"I wish the circumstances were different," Seohyun sighed.

San told them what she said and Yunho answered, "It doesn't feel any different. Only we can't see or hear you, so we have to visualize. Oh, and we get more jump-scares now."

Seohyun laughed, and they dug into the food.

After they all were done, they asked her to unwrap her gifts. So Seohyun grabbed the largest one first, which was from Yunho. It was a school bag, with space for laptop too.

"I noticed yours was kind of worn out," Yunho grinned. Seohyun scribbled on the notebook, saying 'Thank you for noticing! :)'. The others applauded him for the approval.

The next one was from Mingi. It was a beautiful leather band watch, which she loved, saying she wished she could put it on right now, and wondering for a moment that if she did, where would it go when she was back?

Yeosang had gifted her some chocolates from abroad, conveniently his father had been out of country. And since he knew her love for chocolate was one to be appreciated, he decided on it. Seohyun almost cried when she spotted her favourite ones.

"I do have another gift, but you'll have to wait for it," he admitted. Seohyun narrowed her eyes, scribbling 'It better be worth it' and moving on to the next.

Jongho had given her a scented set; shampoo, lotion and candle. Hongjoong got her a cap and sunglasses, rather stylish, and Seohyun had to admit she was impressed by his choice. Seonghwa had gifted her a black cat plushie- very, very similar to Yerim the cat. Seohyun admitted it might be her favourite gift. Wooyoung had gifted her a set of earrings, and she appreciated that it was just her taste. And San got her a couple ring, making everyone including herself gasp when they saw it.

"I didn't know what to get..." San scratched the back of his neck.

"No, I love it. It's so pretty!" It was just her style; a silver band with a tiny diamond in the center. Seohyun tried it on, showing it to San excitedly who laughed, approving. He wore his own too.

"Aw, this is so sweet. Except it looks like San proposed to himself," Wooyoung said, earning a smack from Seonghwa.

Seohyun took it off, handing it to San. "I'll wear it when I'm back."

"You wanna go for a walk?" San asked, and she nodded, getting up and asking him to convey her thanks to everyone, that they should keep this stuff here and she'll properly receive them and thank them when she was back.

After everyone said goodbye, San and Seohyun started walking aimlessly around, San telling her how it had taken them a whole week to plan, which included panicking over gifts too. Since it was their first time with Seohyun, it was more difficult to decide on what she'd like.

"I would have loved anything you gave me, even if it was stupid. I appreciate the gesture more."

"I know," San smiled at her. Seohyun was looking at him with a smile on her face, taking in the details on his pretty face, that she didn't notice a bike rushing and on its way to hit her.

Of course she wouldn't get hit, but out of impulse, San grabbed her by the arm and dragged her to the side, "Even if you're a ghost, you should be careful-"

"How- how did you did you just touch me?"

San looked at her, then looked down at his hands, then looked at her again. "Did I?"

Seohyun frowned. Slowly, taking a step towards him, she touched his face, and they sucked in their breath.

She could touch him.

Seohyun laughed in disbelief, touching his face, feeling every angle and curve of it, and San's hands went to grab her hands, marvelling at the touch. He hugged her, not quite believing it until he could feel her arms around her.

Seohyun broke the hug, joining their foreheads, for a moment forgetting everything else as she kissed him. God, it had been too long. They kissed each other in a frenzy, until San felt like someone dumped water on him and he broke apart.

"How did this happen?"

"I don't know," Seohyun breathed, "I don't know, I-"

Seohyun fell to the ground, clenching her head in her hands as she cried out in pain.

"What's happening?" San asked, panic lacing his voice, and Seohyun muttered that she did not know.

"I think I'm dying," Seohyun said, wincing because of the sharp pain, "Or something's happening. I'm being pulled back. San- I'm scared."

San was sitting down with her now, holding her in her arms, caressing her head, "It's gonna be alright," he said, pressing a kiss to her head, "It's gonna be alright."

He didn't know how long he stayed there comforting her as she breathed and faded. And he did not know how long he stared at the empty space in front of him, where Seohyun had just been.

-----------------

It was utter chaos at the hospital- the doctors and the nurses were rushing around, everyone was borderline panicking. Seohyun was going into shock- her mother was crying hysterically as she watched the doctors go around her in a frenzy. A nurse told her to pray- she would either make it or pass away.

Her mother watched her heart beat flatline and the doctors resuscitate her. Her mother almost fainted as she watched the monitors- she was having flashbacks from the time her husband had passed away. Her friend Yuri came rushing in, leading her outside, rubbing her back and telling her it was better to wait and pray instead of watch what was going on.

Meanwhile, San, who had been staring at the empty space in front of him, where Seohyun had just been, slapped himself to reality and called Hongjoong, quickly telling him what had happened as he rushed through the streets, trying to find a taxi. The boys joined him, their faces pale, and they ran to the main street until they found taxis and drove to the hospital, not being able to calm their loudly thumping hearts.

As soon as they reached the hospital, they looked at each other once, nodding, scared for what they would get to hear. Most of them were trembling now- but they followed each other to the ICU, where they spotted the doctors coming out of the room.

Yunho spotted Yuri and ran to her, "How's Seohyun? What happened to her?"

Yuri narrowed her eyes at Yunho, "How did you know...?"

Yunho internally cursed himself before making up an excuse, "I was passing by here when I heard the doctors call the others to Seohyun's room- I called the rest. It wasn't looking good."

Yuri nodded, "She's okay now. She's awake, in fact. Look," Yuri pointed at the door that was slightly open, and Yunho saw her mother smiling through tears, holding Seohyun's hand, who was smiling too.

Yunho sighed in relief, almost falling on his knees. He thanked Yuri and motioned the rest to join him, and the rest knew it was good news with the smile on Yunho's face. They watched the mother and daughter smile and talk to each other, and they hugged each other in relief, their eyes wet.

Seohyun spotted the group of boys outside, waving at them. The boys waved back and they watched her say something to her mother, who nodded, getting up after kissing her forehead and coming out.

"I never thought Seohyun could have so many friends one day," Her mother smiled at them.

"It's good to meet you," Jongho said, and they bowed in greeting.

"You can meet her now- try not to be too loud," she laughed, waving at them.

The boys walked slowly to her room, taking in Seohyun's appearance- there were shadows under her eyes, a few scars on her face and hands, but her smile was the only thing they could see.

"Come here. I missed you all so much!"

Jongho went first, shaking hands with her, the rest coming one by one, holding back from hugging her or ruffling her hair because of the bandages on her head and everywhere else. They were all a little speechless, having seen Seohyun after so long now.

Even San was speechless- he had seen Seohyun everyday, but not like this.

"I thought you'd be happier to see me," Seohyun looked at San.

"I... I am, I just-" San shook his head, looking down as he trembled from trying to hold back his tears, "I really thought... that you were gone."

Seohyun sighed, pursing her lips. "I have given you all a hard time, haven't I?"

They all shook their heads, Mingi and Wooyoung rubbing San's back who was trying his hardest not to cry but ultimately failed. Hongjoong said they'd give them a moment and they left the room.

"San. Come on, look at me. San!"

San sniffed, wiping his eyes before looking at her. Tears formed in her own eyes and she wiped them.

"I'm so sorry, San. I'm so sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry for anything," San leaned forward, taking her hand in his- it had been too long. "Nothing to be sorry about, except scaring the shit out of me."

Seohyun laughed, "I scared the shit out of myself too, not gonna lie."

"I can't believe you're real," San admitted, bringing her hand to his face, reveling the feeling of her touch, "I am awake, am I not?"

Seohyun slapped his face lightly with her other hand. "Very much awake."

San took his sweet time not saying anything, just looking at her face, his lips on her hand.

"Say something, San. You're being weird."

San shook his head, kissing her hand. "I am never leaving you, ever. Get that in your head. No amount of death jokes are going to scare me away. You're stuck with me now until I die."

Seohyun flushed at the sudden confession. "Are you sure? I can make horrible jokes."

"As sure as I will ever be."

Seohyun smiled until she was laughing, tears running down her face. "God, I love you, San. I'm not leaving you too. Even if you're angry with me, disappointed in me, or whatever, I'll keep bugging you."

"Good to hear," San grinned.

"Come here," Seohyun motioned, and San asked her if it was okay. Seohyun just grabbed his collar and gave him a light peck on his lips.

"I can't hug you right now, but I can do this."

San smiled, returning the favour. They both stared at each other, smiling.

"Now that is a creepy sight I wish I will never see again. Tell me you got that on camera, Wooyoung."

"Right on," Wooyoung replied to Hongjoong, and Seohyun tried throwing her pillow at them, groaning in pain when she turned too harshly. San told her to calm down, throwing the pillow himself.

"It's our turn now, you've been seeing her for months now!" Yeosang shouted, and Seohyun laughed as she watched them push San out of the way, making him sit in the corner and pout while they sat in front of her, taking turns to talk to her.

"How did it feel while you were a ghost?" Wooyoung asked.

"Like I was alive, but not real?"

"Did it hurt when you became a ghost, or when you went back?" Seonghwa asked.

"When I went back, yes, I felt like my head was about to burst-"

"Can you still see ghosts now?" Mingi asked.

"I don't know yet-"

"Let her rest!" Hongjoong clapped once, "We'll have plenty of time to catch up when she comes home."

Seohyun pouted and Hongjoong patted her shoulder, "Glad you're back, Seohyun."

Seohyun smiled, wriggling her brows at him and they all waved at her before leaving, San coming to kiss her hand once before leaving. Seohyun sighed- he was being so soft.

Her mother came in, trying to stifle her smile but failing. "You have many friends now, it seems."

"I do," Seohyun nodded, smiling back, "I have a boyfriend too."

Her mother raised one eyebrow, putting her hands on her hips. "Lee Seohyun! Why didn't you tell me earlier? Which one was he?"

"The one who left last, San."

"Oh," her mother gave her a thumbs up, "How did it happen?"

Seohyun told her to sit because it was a long story, and then told her all about how she had met San, how he was able to see ghosts now too, because of her, and how they, at one point, started liking each other.

"Were you a ghost when you were in a coma?"

Seohyun bit her lip, nodding.

"And these friends knew?"

"They did. San could see me, but he couldn't touch me. At least not until tonight, just before it happened."

Her mother sighed, leaning back. "Is there a reason none of them, and not even you, bothered to tell me that you were a ghost?"

"I wanted to- I slept every night and woke up here, with you. I heard you talk to me. I couldn't break your heart, mom. Not when I wasn't sure if I was going to make it."

"I understand," She nodded, earnest, "How did this even happen?"

"It was an old ghost- a vengeful one. Apparently when you kill a 'mediator'- that's what they call me, there are a few moments before the mediator thing passes to another person. During those moments, ghosts can trespass and interact with humans and whatnot. At least that's what that bitch told me-"

"Language-"

"I'm talking about the ghost who tried to kill me."

"Oh, that bitch, go on."

"So apparently ghosts can't kill the mediators. So she tried doing it to me indirectly, which ended up killing her."

"Good riddance! But I hope you will have stopped seeing ghosts now. I don't want you to get in more trouble," her mother's eyes were full of worry.

"I don't think that happened, but at least nobody will try to kill me now."

The mother and daughter sat thinking for a few moments. Finally, her mother spoke, "You're getting discharged in three days. If you want to take a break from school, if you want to go on a trip, I can do that-"

"Thank you, mom," Seohyun smiled, "I just want to live like I had been living. Normally. We can go somewhere during the New Year holidays if you're free- otherwise, I just want to go to school, spend time with the boys, do normal stuff."

"I took extra days off," her mother nodded, "We can go visit your grandparents in the countryside."

"Sure! I haven't seen them in forever."

"You can go with the boys somewhere if you want to before New Year. I won't be home for Christmas- I have business in Japan. But if you want me home for Christmas-"

"Please, it's really okay, mom," Seohyun nodded furiously, "I won't be alone this time. Just promise you'll be home for New Year."

"I promise," she smiled.

"Done. I'll plan something with the boys."

Three days later, Seohyun was finally discharged, the bandages off her and she felt light. Seohyun took a look in the mirror when she got home- the wounds on her face would fade with time. She was alive, and that was all that mattered.

The boys had paid a visit every night, and it was time for her to return the favour. Seohyun decided she would buy something for them each- a Christmas gift, a gift because she woke up. She told them all to be there at night while she went shopping.

Two hours later, several shopping bags in her hands, she stood outside the warehouse. The air felt incredibly different now that she was alive.

Seohyun closed her eyes, relishing the feel of the wind on her skin, blowing the hair away from her face.

"Home."

------------------

"Hi guys!" Seohyun stood awkwardly, waving the bags in her hands. The boys all turned, hooting as they rushed towards her, and for a moment, Seohyun almost had a heart attack.

"STOP!" She shouted, and they stopped in their tracks, realizing their mistake. "One at a time, okay? Go back and sit."

They obeyed, muttering things under their breath and San approached her, taking some of the bags away from her.

"Can I hug you first?"

"Not fair!" Wooyoung shouted.

Seohyun laughed while San glared at Wooyoung, "We'll have plenty of time later, but here," She gave him a brief hug, sighing into it. It was the first time she was going to hug everyone after the accident.

She had been discharged from the hospital the next night, after the doctors made sure everything was okay. The bandages were off now, mostly. Some scars remained- one running down her temple as well. She had been home the past days, not being able to meet anyone, taking her time to get her energy back, only going out shopping with her mom.

"Alright," Seohyun placed the bags in front of the table where everyone sat, "This is going to be a random pick. I got you all gifts for Christmas, so I'm going to pick a bag. Here-" Seohyun picked one, "Yeosang!"

Yeosang got up haughtily, flipping his hair, motioning at them to applaud and they did, faces grumpy as he approached Seohyun and hugged her, almost picking her up in the air.

"Don't crush me!" Seohyun laughed, and Yeosang finally broke the hug, patting her head.

"We didn't get you anything for Christmas yet."

"You don't need to, you got me enough for the birthday-"

"We'll just give you food then," Jongho suggested.

"Deal," Seohyun winked at him, handing Yeosang the bag. "Open it."

Yeosang looked at her pointedly, opening the box to reveal a small flying drone. Yeosang gasped in surprise and Seohyun looked proud.

"I may have noticed you doodling drones in your notebook."

Yeosang laughed and thanked her, saying she knew him well. Seohyun picked the next bag.

"Seonghwa!"

Seonghwa pumped a fist in the air as he ran to Seohyun, hugging her.

"You hug like my mom does," Seohyun muttered.

"Glad you're back," he said, kissing her temple before he broke the hug. He opened the gift to reveal a set of-

"Hey, how did you know to get me these!" Seonghwa looked at Seohyun in surprise while the others tried to peek at what Seonghwa was holding, who took the boxes out to reveal action figurines. Seohyun smiled as she watched the rest laugh in approval.

"When you guys crashed my first date and took me shopping, I may have noticed you eyeing these in the shop- I don't know what category they are- I just memorized one of the toys of that set and went there and found it, to my relief."

"You're very observant," Seonghwa eyed her and she curtsied, earning another thanks.

"Can I come next?" Jongho said, pointing at the giant bear wrapped messily lying in the corner, "It's a bit too obvious now to pretend I don't see it."

Seohyun bit her lip, trying not to laugh, "Please do."

Jongho smiled, skipping to Seohyun, hugging her such that she was dangling in the air, arms flapping wildly at the side, and then the two skipped to where the bear was- it was about Seohyun's size. Jongho tore the wrappers and laughed-

"You really had to?"

Seohyun smiled at the apple necklace the bear wore- it was a special touch she added to Jongho's gift. "I mean, I could have gifted you a crate of apples-"

Yeosang laughed out loud, causing the others to laugh as well, "The apples wouldn't have lasted a day."

"It's not that bad!" Jongho sulked, dragging the bear to the couch and hugging it, pouting. Seohyun shook her head at him, picking the next bag.

"Yunho!"

Yunho hooted in victory, pausing in front of Seohyun for a second before spreading his arms, and Seohyun gladly hugged him, laughing because she barely reached his shoulders.

"Glad you're back, you dwarf."

"Thanks, you giant puppy," Seohyun shook her head, breaking the hug and handing him the bag. Yunho eyed her before fishing out a long box, unwrapping it.

Seohyun watched as his mouth opened in surprise, and he looked at Seohyun, then back at the boys, then back at her.

"What is it?" Wooyoung asked, "Don't make me get up now-"

"How did you get your hands on this!" Yunho laughed out loud, taking out a wand from the box, "This is Harry's wand, right?"

"Harry's wand!" Mingi wowed, and Hongjoong shook his head, "Isn't this too much! When did you get the time!"

"Actually, this wasn't a Christmas gift," Seohyun admitted, and Yunho looked at her in surprise, "You remember when we talked about Harry Potter all day in school when I was... alive? Before becoming a ghost, I mean-"

"I do," Yunho shook his head, "You're still alive, you know."

Seohyun waved a hand in dismissal, "Anyways, one of mom's friends was in UK, and I had asked her to get me a wand from there, so I asked to bring another."

"I don't know- isn't this too much?" Yunho looked at her hesitantly, and Seohyun rolled her eyes, looking at San who was laughing silently.

"Shut up. Next!" Seohyun announced, ignoring Yunho and picking another bag. "Hongjoong!"

"When is my turn!" Wooyoung wailed loudly, Mingi joining, and Seohyun watched as the two started playing rock papers scissors to bet on who would be next.

"How did you even bring all these here," Hongjoong asked as he hugged her, long and good, "Wasn't it too much trouble?"

"It's okay," Seohyun rubbed his back before they broke apart, and Seohyun handed him the bag. "Here."

Hongjoong looked at her pointedly, "This looks the smallest."

"I can assure you, it was the most expensive-"

"Hey!" Hongjoong laughed, "I'm not opening this."

"Stop being so dramatic, we're waiting!" Wooyoung shouted, Mingi doubling over with laughter.

"I'll do the honours," Seohyun picked the box and tore the wrapper apart. "I had to."

Hongjoong almost dropped the box as he held it- it was headphones- but high quality ones- ones he wish he could have to make him hear the sound betters when he composed in his laptop. "Seohyun-"

"Don't-"

"How can I accept this!"

"You know I could get you better things- my mom's loaded. She was all too glad when I told her that you were the guys I was buying gifts for. Please, Hongjoong, it's not much."

Hongjoong shook his head, "I know it's not much to you, but to us, it is. I'd appreciate it if you don't spend money like that again-"

"Shut up," Seohyun shook her head, "It's my first time getting someone gifts. First time getting someone something meaningful, first time I actually put thought into all of this. First time I was excited. Please," Seohyun wrapped his hands in hers, "Accept it."

"You're gonna make me cry now," Hongjoong laughed, bringing her in for another hug. "Thank you. I won't forget this."

"Thank you for accepting," Seohyun laughed, and Hongjoong went back, flaunting his headphones as he examined them.

"Okay, Mingi, you're next."

Mingi almost fell as he got up in victory, waving his butt at Wooyoung and earning a smack, skipping as he came to Seohyun and hugged her dramatically, picking her and actually making her scream-

"Drop me, you giant!" Seohyun slapped his arms repeatedly, and he finally dropped her, pretending she had hit her too hard. Seohyun slapped his arm again, finally smiling.

Mingi went to where his bag was- finding two boxes- his recent two favourite anime's action figurines.

"You remembered!"

"I also got you the recent volumes!" Seohyun fished out another bag from under the table and Mingi wowed, checking as if he couldn't believe it.

"You have good memory! When did I tell you which volumes I had?"

"Some time in school?" Seohyun smiled, "I didn't know what else to get you- I already gave you the drums, I could have waited till Christmas I guess-"

"Oh come on, they're yours-"

"They're yours now," Seohyun announced, and Yunho started clapping, "I mean, I'm a co-owner. Deal?"

"Deal," Mingi ruffled her hair, thanking her.

"Finally now, it's my time!" Wooyoung came singing, almost running to Seohyun as he crashed into her, spinning her and kissing her forehead, "I cannot tell you how happy I am that you are alive!"

"Even if I was dead," Seohyun began, "I feel like I wouldn't have been able to move on because of you-"

"Hush, now," Wooyoung shook his head, laughing. "Hey, mine is the lightest! Hongjoong!"

Hongjoong was too absorbed in his headphones to respond and San finally got up, telling Wooyoung to hurry up so they could have 'alone time'. Wooyoung unwrapped his gift-

"BTS' ALBUM!"

Seohyun flinched at how loud he was and San came to cover her ears as Wooyoung shouted in surprise and amazement, thanking Seohyun to which she nodded, still flinching as he ran around flaunting the album.

"You brought this upon yourself," San laughed, and Seohyun smiled as Wooyoung crushed her in another hug, thanking her again and again.

"You want me to take it back!"

"NO!"

"THEN SHUT UP!" Seohyun shouted as loudly as Wooyoung who only grinned.

"I knew there was something about you that I just had to make you friend-"

"Anddd that's enough," San slapped the back of Wooyoung's head, "Let's go to dinner after an hour, guys. Meanwhile, I'm stealing her."

With that, San put his arm on Seohyun's back, guiding her out as the boys 'ooh-ed', making her flush. Seohyun couldn't help but smile as San led her out of the warehouse, taking her at the backside where the boys had set up a small place with a tent and couches for when the weather was nice and they wanted to sit out.

"I wish we could go somewhere else, but I don't want to waste this hour," San said, leading her to the couches, pausing to look at her, his hands hesitant as he touched her face, "How have you been?"

"Oh please, it's not like we didn't call at nights the past two days- I'm fine, really."

San touched the scar at her temple, kissing it, making her flush deeper, "I'm glad to hear that."

Seohyun pushed San's chest, "You're being too... mushy."

"Mushy?" San raised an eyebrow, laughing as they sat on the couch, facing each other.

"You're sometimes too romantic for me to handle, you know that?" Seohyun folded her arms.

"I haven't even begun-"

"Exactly what I mean!" Seohyun shook her head, and San laughed, scooting closer.

"Tell me you missed me. Tell me you missed... us."

Seohyun bit her lip, scanning his face- the moonlight making his cheekbones appear sharper, his eyes dark.

"Can't say I didn't," Seohyun sighed, "Let me hug you first."

San brought her closer and she wrapped her arms around him, almost in his lap, her head resting on his chest as she sighed, melting in the embrace. "I definitely missed this. I could sleep right here-"

"Don't you think about sleeping now."

Seohyun smiled, burying her nose in his neck, inhaling the scent of him- it felt like nostalgia, like home. "I never thought I'd appreciate hugs one day- not being in contact for these two months really put me in my place."

San broke the hug, looking at her face, "I could tell. You got Jongho that bear- you know he doesn't really like skin-ship but watch him cling to that bear for the rest of his life. I realized then."

"You're right, I'm surprised you noticed," Seohyun admitted, "He and I are alike in that. I knew he'd love it. Oh, and also, I got you something, but it's not here yet."

"What did you get me?"

"Don't be too surprised when it comes," Seohyun grinned, "I wasn't too sure- yours was the hardest to think of, but it just happened-"

"Please, I'm curious now," San pouted, whining. "I won't be able to stop thinking now that you reminded me-"

Seohyun kissed him to shut him up, breaking apart to look at his reaction- satisfied to see his eyes wide in surprise and then narrow in challenge.

"I guess I could use a distraction. We do have an hour."

Seohyun laughed, kissing him properly this time, taking it slow- it was the first time they were properly kissing since she was back. San held her face delicately, letting her set the pace. Seohyun's hands were more urgent, running through his soft hair, caressing his face, his neck, roaming around his back and chest as they kissed lazily.

"Don't hold me like I'm gonna break, Choi San."

It was all San needed to hear- he kissed her with a force that got her arching back until her back hit the couch itself, and San broke apart to caress her face and draw her hair back.

"I love you, Seohyun. Merry Christmas."

"And I love you, you mountain," Seohyun smiled, "Now kiss me."

The rest of the hour went by as they kissed, murmured sweet nothings as they sat in each other's embrace, or just watched each other, hands caressing hands. The hour went by slow yet it felt like a flash once it was over and they were interrupted with Wooyoung shouting at them to come inside already.

Holding each other's hands, they went inside and sat with the boys to plan where to go for dinner. Yunho looked at the two and burst out laughing, Mingi joining him.

One by one, they all started laughing, leaving San and Seohyun who stared at them. Even Hongjoong and Seonghwa- the serious ones were laughing.

"Did you two only make out during that one hour?" Yeosang shook his head, "Look at how disheveled you both are."

San and Seohyun immediately looked down, but their clothes were straight, and their hair wasn't messed up-

It was only when all of them burst out laughing that the two realized this was a trick- and San covered his face as he laughed while Seohyun gaped at them, getting up in search of something- grabbing a small cushion and running forward to hit them-

"It was Yunho's idea, don't hit me!" Mingi wailed.

"You're still an accomplice," Seohyun laughed as she ran at all of them, hitting them once on their heads to 'get their brains to kick start'. "So what if we only made out? I'll ask you all when you finally have partners, you loners!"

-------------------

It was the first dinner Seohyun had with the boys since coming back to her normal life.

And it was chaotic, to say the least.

People had mistaken them for being a bunch of drunks one too many times, the way they were hollering with laughter and talking about ghosts as loudly as they could. But everything was okay- Seohyun hadn't felt happier in a while.

After a very lavish dinner, they all walked around the town, making fun of each other and playing, and before Seohyun could decide to leave for her home and bid everyone goodnight, Yeosang told her they had one last surprise for her at the warehouse before she went home.

"And why couldn't I get this surprise when we were back at the warehouse just a few hours ago?"

"You'll know why," Jongho teased, "Just come."

Seohyun rolled her eyes, secretly anticipating just what they had in store for her, and followed them to the warehouse.

"We'll be right back- stay here," Wooyoung said, dragging Jongho and Yeosang with him while the rest stood outside, waiting.

"Can I have a hint?" Seohyun folded her arms.

"Uh, nope." Hongjoong was firm.

"Is it something about a musical performance or a dance performance-"

"Can you calm down and wait?" Seonghwa laughed.

"Is this going to be a prank?" Seohyun raised her eyebrow.

"If it was a prank I would have been inside with them," Mingi raised his hand and Seohyun narrowed her eyes at him.

"Me too!" Yunho grinned, and Mingi and Yunho shared a look which set Seohyun pacing due to nervousness.

"Calm down," San laughed, his eyes full of adoration, "You'll love it. It's all I am allowed to say."

Seohyun pouted, eyeing the warehouse, not hearing anything at all. Another minute passed by which Seohyun had scratched near her fingernails out of nervousness when Wooyoung peeked out, giving a thumb up.

"Finally," Seohyun exhaled, and San took her hand in his as they walked inside.

They were greeted by the Siamese cat that Seohyun had gifted San, who finally named her Byeol. Yerim was their stray cat and Byeol was their pet cat, who loved staying inside the warehouse- her home.

Seohyun looked around. Everything was the same, except there was a projector now set up in front of the couches. "Are we watching a movie?"

"A short movie, you could say," Jongho took her other hand, leading her to the couch and making her sit in the middle, San sitting on one side and Yeosang on the other, and Wooyoung made sure everyone was sitting in front of the screen before he put the lights out, grinning as he sat on the floor mat in front of Seohyun. Seohyun playfully kicked his back, earning a slap to the leg.

"Okay, I'm starting it."

Yeosang clicked a button and there was static for a few seconds before music started to play- music she realized was from one of the samples she'd heard from Hongjoong. She raised her brow at him, and he just winked.

Seohyun went back to watching the screen, which went black and then a video clip started playing- she frowned as she realized where it was from- school.

"Hi," Wooyoung said, "I made a new friend today, but she's kind of scary so I don't know when I'll be able to get a proper vlog with her- ow!"

Seohyun smacked Wooyoung's head. The teacher was about to come in. Wooyoung hid the camera and Seohyun said, "I owe you one."

"You owe me nothing-"

"Should I tell the teacher what exactly you were doing?"

"Boomer," Wooyoung muttered.

Seohyun laughed out loud, "I never heard you call me a boomer!" She smacked the back of Wooyoung's head again, and he laughed out loud.

"This is exactly why you didn't hear me!" Wooyoung laughed, rubbing his head.

The clip changed and Seohyun recognized the scene again-

"I win," Yeosang smirked.

"Next game, come on."

Seohyun drew another blank page and the two restarted another game of tic tac toe. This time, Seohyun went first and she won. Seohyun put a line on her tally count.

"This will go on forever," Yunho, who was watching them, said, "Whenever Seohyun goes first, she wins. Whenever Yeosang goes first, he wins. You both have this figured out- why don't you just shake hands and accept the draw?"

"No."

Yunho laughed as the both had glared at him and said no in unison, flipping the page and starting another game. Mingi, who was filming, turned the camera to himself and shook his head.

"They're never gonna stop."

"We did stop," Yeosang laughed, "Only because the teacher came."

"So who won?" San asked.

Seohyun sighed, smiling, "We shook hands and accepted draw."

The scene changed again, and it was from when Seohyun had first seen the warehouse and revealed that she knew how to play the piano- apparently Jongho had caught her playing the melody that she remembered from Hongjoong. It followed by the clips of the truth and dare game they had that night- the one when Seohyun finally told the boys that she could see ghosts. Everyone had a good laugh over it and Seohyun felt nostalgic as she watched Hongjoong's Billie Jeans imitation and Yunho's golden retriever. Seohyun had stopped them from filming the ghost evidence back then.

The clips that followed were all... ghost evidence. The boys used to play games with Jiwoo- like cards, tic tac toe, or such games, and Seohyun watched with her mouth open in disbelief as the amount of 'evidence' clips passed.

"Good thing Jiwoo's not here- if she was, I would have personally seen her out of this realm."

San rubbed her arm, laughing, "You never stopped them from filming."

Seohyun just shook her head, smiling as the clips changed to a compilation of their last day with Jiwoo, of them playing in the water, playing games and just laughing and having a good time. Seohyun felt bittersweet at the memories.

"Now here starts the fun part," Wooyoung winked.

And sure enough, fun it was.

"It appears my definition of fun differs from yours," Seohyun flushed as she saw a compilation of clips of San and Seohyun being the most obvious couple- looking at each other adoringly, holding hands, talking, etc. "I feel exposed."

"This was my idea- to put these in," San admitted, grinning at her flushed self, "I knew you'd like it."

Seohyun rolled her eyes but smiled, and they all watched the various clips from their outings together, until-

"Oh," Seohyun realized why this gift from Yeosang was late.

The drums playing itself, the piano playing itself, food flying in the air, cushions being thrown- all Seohyun as a ghost, and she had to admit the direction of this movie was clever.

"I'm going to wait till the end credits to comment," Seohyun muttered, watching the day of her birthday, smiling because it really looked like they had filmed the whole thing.

Seohyun's grip on San's hand tightened when she saw the clip from the day at the hospital when she finally woke up- the 'creepy sight' Hongjoong had referred to and Wooyoung had filmed- the sight being San and Seohyun staring and smiling at each other, their foreheads joined.

"You really had to add this?" Seohyun kicked Wooyoung's back lightly, making everyone giggle.

"This is like the epilogue of the whole thing," Mingi said.

The video ended with a picture of the 8- which Jiwoo had clicked on the beach. The end credits rolled, crediting everyone except Seohyun- even Jiwoo.

"Come on, I must have made at least one of the videos or pictures there-"

"In case you haven't noticed, you barely use your phone," Yunho retorted, and Seohyun pouted.

"So," Wooyoung turned, "What do you think?"

Seohyun couldn't stop herself from smiling, looking up as she felt her eyes burn, and the boys started chanting "DON'T CRY", making her laugh harder.

"This really is a gift from all of you- the memories, though I think I should thank Yeosang first," Seohyun smiled at him, taking his hand, "Thank you. You didn't have to waste your time on this."

"It wasn't a waste of time," Yeosang shook his head, "I had this idea when you were still... a ghost. So instead of making it bleaky with only ghost memories, I decided to do something like this. Wooyoung helped me a lot too."

"You all make me cry too much," Seohyun wiped the corners of her eyes, "I was never this emotional-"

"Oh please," Seonghwa shook his head, "If we had a clip from every time that you cried-"

"Okay, okay, I get it!" Seohyun laughed, "Thank you, all of you. This, us here right now, is the greatest Christmas gift I could have from anyone of you-"

"Now don't go being all sentimental on us, Seohyun-"

"Ugh, you guys don't let me breathe!" Seohyun glared at Jongho, who was doubling over with Mingi, "I'm saying it again, and you all better not interrupt. I really love you guys. It's been a great few months, despite the bad things that happened. I wouldn't have made it back without you guys. Thank you for everything."

They all smiled, Seohyun taking time to make eye contact with everyone.

"Thank you for sticking with us, I guess," Seonghwa grinned.

Wooyoung nodded. "I know we can be a loud bunch-"

"You don't say," Seohyun muttered.

"See, you interrupt us too when we're all sentimental!" Wooyoung turned to glare at her.

"Hey, who's idea was it to befriend me again?" Seohyun shrugged, "You brought this upon yourself-"

"It was because we thought a girl in our group would so us good! If I had known you talked and sat like a guy-"

Wooyoung shut up when Seohyun kicked his back, harder this time, making everyone howl with laughter at the two of them bickering.

"Hey, she can be girly when she wants to be-"

"You're not helping, San!"

"It's imitation time, Yunho!" Yeosang called his attention and Yunho bowed, getting up and preparing himself to act like Seohyun.

He walked a few feet away, rolling his sleeves up, which already had the boys laughing, stealing Hongjoong's cap so he could complete the 'Seohyun' look.

"So here's how she walks-" Yunho hunched his shoulders a bit, his eyes darting here and there as he walked with light steps- a habit Seohyun had to make as less of a sound while walking as she could.

"It's because I look out for ghosts!" Seohyun folded her arms, slumping back as the boys laughed at the near perfect imitation, almost howling when Yunho slumped in the chair, sighing, legs apart but feet together, arms folded.

"That's perfect," Yeosang managed to say between laughter. Seohyun clenched her jaw, trying not to laugh.

"I feel exposed..."

"But that's how you really are like, baby," San scoffed.

"I could have been like one of those girls who's always walking like a model, sitting like this-" She tried mimicking those formal sitting positions, "And has her lashes fluttering every second, and is always worried about how she looks."

"See, I knew you'd fit in well with us," Wooyoung grinned, and Seohyun threw a pillow at him as San and Wooyoung started to bicker about Seohyun.

Seohyun smiled as she pet the cat that was now in her lap, looking around at the boys, all smiles and laughter, no worries. Yeosang noticed her expressions and raised his brows.

Seohyun smiled.

"This really does feel like home."

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