#plus another part of me sits and gets mad for them like fuck you for trying to denying my hertiage and the shit i have faced because i'm no

[veone]

also yall know that thing about how people with adhd will forget you exist if they don't see you, that is very true on my end.

[nakoyaps]

unattractive

kenma kozume x fem! reader

kenma definitely isn’t the type of guy to take you out to big restaurats for dates— not that you’re asking him to; if anything you’re both happier spending one on one time at home.

though, to the conventional people in relationships this is a total no-no.

“seriously, y/n? he’s like a millionaire and he can’t spare a few hundred to go out on a date every once and a while? talk about stingy..” your friend, aiya nagged.

she’s always been materialistic if you’re being honest, you don’t even know why you still keep up with her. three whole years of friendship and you swear all you remember is “oh my god, i heard he’s rich!” “ugh, i dumped him— can you believe that he’s only an office worker?”

money is important, yes. you definitely agree on that. but, no one’s worth is solely based on how much they make or how much they spend.

“can you not talk about kenma like that? he’s just not the type that likes to go out.. and to be honest, neither am i.” you murmur, avoiding eye contact with her.

aiya raises a brow, an idea entering her pea brained mind “you seriously think a man with that much money ‘doesn’t like to go out’?”

“he’s so obviously an introvert, aiya.”

“he’s probably just hiding you away from the public cause he’s embarrassed. no offense..” aiya spoke in a matter-of-fact tone, an mildly exceptionally sickening smirk on her pretty pink lips.

“embarrassed— of what?”

“isn’t it obvious?” she asked, motioning to your physique.

“what the fuck, aiya? that’s my boyfriend we’re talking about.” you started to get agitated, raising your voice.

“well geez, no need to get all mad..” she chuckles, “he just doesn’t look like the type to be loyal, that’s all. plus, he’d look better with someone that’s more.. good looking? i’m not calling you ugly or anything, just.. you’re unconventionally beautiful.”

𐙚𓏲⋆ ִֶָ ๋𓂃 ⋆

“fake ass bitch..” you grumble, slamming the door behind you as you flopped on your couch.

kenma appeared from around the corner, looking concerned. “you okay?”

his eyes softened seeing your sour expression, sitting down beside you.

“aiya keeps saying shit about you..”

“so what? people talk shit all the time.”

you roll your eyes, “she keeps saying you’re not good for me, you’d be better off with someone ‘conventionally attractive’ or whatever she’s talking about.”

“that’s not true” he strokes your hair.

“am i not good enough?”

“you are.”

you frown. this was a common reoccurrence and you know you’d get another scolding if you said what you were about to, but.. you only live once, right?

“why’d you choose me anyways? i’m sure lots of your gamer friends are pretty girls too..”

he raised a brow, shutting her eyes with his hands “if you can’t see how pretty you are, don’t even try looking at anything else.”

“i’m serious, kenma!”

“none of them are you. i didn’t just fall in love with your looks— sure they played a big part, but your personality really sealed the deal.”

“that’s what people say when they think their partner’s ugly.”

“you’re not gonna believe me anyways, so..” kenma chuckles, “but seriously, you’re gorgeous. you don’t have to listen to whatever she says just ‘cuz she’s your friend. plus, i keep telling you to stop hanging out with her anyways..”

“i don’t have any other friends—“

“yeah, well she’s a bad influence on you.”

you frowned, sitting upright. face to face with kenma, you felt butterflies in your stomach.

“i still feel like i’m crushing on you sometimes. like i forget that you’re my girlfriend just cause you’re so pretty.”

“fuck off, kenma..” a faint blush dusting your cheeks.

as your eyes met, you felt yourself reaching for his lips—

sorry if kenma felt ooc!! i was listening to music and i think it took control of my writing lol. the writing was all spontaneous cuz i suddenly felt like getting back into publishing fics :p

[lilyacorn]

Yandere delinquent x gn! Tutor reader x new! Yandere popular student

Yandere delinquent part 2!

(Since u guys liked part 1! With 30+ plus likes ty.)

What should i name yandere delinquent? Send the names in the comments :))

Possessive guy with puppy energy who gets jealous of another popular student you’re tutoring… >:( also new yandere character

Tw. Curse words. :))

Yandere delinquent- who was ecstatic when you told him to go to a local library for the session instead of his house! “…my first date! Heheh!”

Yandere delinquent- who dreamt multiple scenarios the night before the “date”

“…Then our hands bump against each other when they explain!” He kicked his feet in the air like a school girl while imagining those sweet lewd scenarios at the library… “hehehe! Soooo excited to see them again…”

Yandere delinquent- who wears a much nicer shirt than the last session at his house. “Hopefully they praise me… hehhe” with a goofy smile.

Yandere delinquent- who feels his heart dropping when he sees a popular student sitting beside you at the library- “who- …who’s that?”

Yandere delinquent- who feels like snapping the pen in his hand as he stares at the popular student rubbing their shoulder against yours as a way to “see the answer closer!” While deviously smirking at him. Stop going close to them you asshole

Yandere delinquent- who feels himself ready to stab the popular student when you smile at them when they get the answer right. why the fuck are they praising them… not me!

Yandere delinquent- who keeps asking questions to get your attention on him instead of that mf- “i don’t get this… help please?” With a pout to make you feel bad about not paying attention to him.

Yandere delinquent- who smirks at the popular student as you explain the question to him. I win you mf-

Yandere delinquent- who blushes when you flick his forehead to gain his attention on the questions! “…right sorry haha…” they’re so cute when theyre mad-

Yandere delinquent- who answers the math problems faster so that he could ask you questions about the next one. Fuck it i’ll answer randomly-

Yandere delinquent- who feels his heart fall to the ground when you laugh at the popular student’s joke. …they look good together with the saddest pout.

Yandere delinquent- who quickly says the corniest joke ever just so that you’d laugh at him instead “what do you call a pig that does karate? Pork-chop! Get it? Haha…” gosh that was the worst joke ever- why did you- UGHHHH

Yandere delinquent- who has a slight smile when you chuckle at his corny joke. At least they laughed… right?

Yandere delinquent- who doesn’t notice the time and its the end of the session. He offers to walk you home but the popular student asks at the same time “can i walk you home-“ “mind if i walk you home-“

Yandere delinquent- who stares deeply at the popular student who also stares deeply at him. Go away!

Yandere delinquent and the popular student both look at you.

Who will you choose?

An: btw the yandere popular student is out now!!

[luvulyy]

𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐄 𝐈𝐍.

𝖹𝖴𝖪𝖮 𝖷 𝖬𝖠𝖫𝖤 𝖱𝖤𝖠𝖣𝖤𝖱

WARNINGS: EXPLICIT SMOKING WEED

The feeling of Zuko's feet and legs tangled up in yours was the best sensation you had ever experienced.

Though that might be the weed speaking. You didn't think you would have believed he was this close to you if you both were sober.

The others were camped up in the far end of the Air Nomad temple. It was a bright night, the moon high in the sky was your only company as the embers of your campfire spluttered. When Zuko had emerged to the part of the ruins you often occupied on sleepless nice you'd quickly known what he was seeking.

A reprieve from silent four walls. A comfort only your company could give him. Plus it didnt hurt that he knew exactly how you tended to spend evenings like this, lazily smoking and admiring the stars.

There had been little words exchanged as Zuko joined your place sitting against the ruined walls, there wasn't any need to. Maybe you were afraid it would break the moment, silent and serene as the night chill swirled around you.

The closest you got to speaking was Zuko's nod of gratitude when you first offered him the joint.

The silence was short lived however, shattered when Zuko's body began to shake with the force of coughing. You instinctively began to rub his back, ignoring how much you enjoyed the sensation. It came far too casually, the urge to just continuously stroke your hand up and down his back.

As the coughs eased Zuko spluttered into his fist. 'Fuck, how can you stand that shit. My throat burns.'

You chuckled lowly, still not removing your hand. 'Mad talk from the firebender.'

Zuko tsked under his breath and finally passed it back, not meeting your eyes. You pulled deeply, enjoying the warm sensation that travelled through your body. You let your head lull back against the cold bricks, eyes lazily drawn to Zuko.

They always were, high or not. Not that you'd ever consider acting on your feelings.

Still, that didn't stop you when you finally moved your hand, instead travelling up to throw an arm across his shoulders. You pulled him into your side gently, only offering 'It's cold and you're hot, don't blame me' as explanation.

You ignored the blush that bloomed on his cheeks, and feigned ignorance when Zuko snuggled in the slightest amount.

As you returned the joint to him your eyes met and electricity flushed down your spine. It was impossible not to drown in his amber eyes, they were all you could see. They almost seemed to sparkle, rivalling the celestial view framing him. The slight red tinging his waterline complimented his usual colour scheme.

He was even more adorable than usual like this, relaxing into the high and your touch. Seeing him not entirely strung for once was nice. Endearing.

With another hit Zuko relaxed even further, melting into your side. As his head resting softly began against you you could've sworn your heart skipped a beat.

You could feel the line between you starting to blur. It was nothing new, there were times during the day you contemplated it. Times he looked at you with an indecipherable expression. With something you hoped was the affection you were also harbouring deep down.

You watched as Zuko went for a second pull and didn't get stop him. Maybe you were a little biased. Something you instantly regretted as he was hit with yet another wave of coughing. The two of you had no choice but to wait it out, silent until he stifled them to an occasional occurrence.

Zuko's eyes fell to you, tracing your face in true out of it fashion. 'How do you do this without dying? It's actually so unfair. Favouritism.'

You snorted in what you were sure was an attractive manner. Then paused as an idea came to you.

'Here, how bout we try something, might help you with the coughing.' You offered, face slack as to not give anything away.

The future fire lord simply raised an eyebrow sceptically. 'When has an idea of yours ever done us good?'

'You trust me?' You shot back, feeling emboldened by the high and atmosphere.

Zuko still looked unsure but nodded.

You tried to swallow your anxieties. This could either go very good or very wrong.

You inhaled deeply, eyes not leaving his. Then gestured for him to come closer, which he wordlessly obeyed. You turned your head, he was now so much closer than you'd expected. You drank in every beautiful detail of his face, so soft yet handsome in every way.

'Open?' You whispered lowly, holding the smoke in your lungs. Zuko's eyes widened slightly as he caught on, but he still did as told. You inched slightly closer, lips almost touching, then gently exhaled the puff into his mouth.

Zuko mimicked your deep breath in and blinked cutely when the inevitable wave of coughing never came. He seemed at a loss for words.

'That alright?' You pressed, body tense in anticipation. You really had no idea how he would react.

Yet all you got was a shrug as the firebender resumed his position using you as support. 'I'm not coughing my guts up, which is a start. What was that anyway?'

'Shotgunning.' You replied simply, playing it off as something casual and definitely didn't make your heart beat faster. You took another pull just to distract yourself, occupy your mind with something other than replaying the tantalising memory of his lips right next to yours.

You sat in silence for a minute, enjoying the ease his presence brought you. The fire crackled lazily but you made no motion to tend to it, instead Zuko lazily flicked his wrist and it roured back to life. You were admiring the flames dance when he spoke.

'Can we do it again?'

You froze like a deer in headlights. The courage you'd mustered earlier was nowhere to be found. But the buzz at the edge of your senses eased you. And the pink lingering on his cheeks was equally encouraging.

'If you're sure...' You offered softly, leaving things to Zuko. You didnt want to pressure him, didnt want to leave any chance of misreading where things were going.

Zuko shifted so his face was opposite yours again, eyes perfectly focused on yours. He shifted slightly so his forehead was pressing gently against yours. It was so gentle and intimate it took everything you had to resist holding him.

'I'm sure.' He whispered back, and the crystal clear question in his eyes left nothing unanswered.

You took another pull, and returned your lips to a hair's breath away from his. Pausing for a second to enjoy the moment, the warmth radiating from his presence, his closeness.

Then you exhaled. You moved impossibly closer to aim for his mouth, at the same time he raised his head to meet yours.

And somewhere along the way his lips found yours.

They were just as soft as you'd imagined, pressing against you with adorable shyness yet eager. Your breaths mingled and smoke danced between you. He tasted of weed and cold night air and it was the best thing you'd ever tasted. It was addictive, better than any drug.

As Zuko's grip found your collar and pulled you impossibly closer, you got a feeling that the shotgunning wasn't going to be a one time thing. Or the kissing.

[steddiealltheway]

!!!!! Tw: faked suicide not by Steve or Eddie. There are ⚠️⚠️⚠️ before and after the most graphic parts which can be skipped without needing too much context. I tried to be vague but it can still be triggering. !!!!! (Thank you everyone tagging it as such)

A sort of different type of TikTok Modern AU…

Eddie Munson is a famous rockstar and honestly doesn’t post much on TikTok, but he occasionally finds himself scrolling though the app which is how he finds Steve.

He’s gorgeous. Exactly Eddie’s type with luscious, gravity defying hair, a sharp jaw, pretty lips, and he bets if he had a closer look, Steve would have the most charming eyes. It’s a shame the camera is so far away from him, and Eddie almost wonders why until Billy Hargrove is in the shot.

Eddie’s stomach sours at the sight of the man. Yes, he’s attractive, even Eddie could admit that, but there was something about him that made Eddie feel uncomfortable. Plus, there were a few scandals surrounding the tiktoker regarding previous racist Tweets and comments which he has responded to with a thrust trap to “Nobody’s Perfect” by Miley Cyrus / Hannah Montana.

So yeah. Eddie didn’t particularly like him and the stuff he got away with just because he’s hot.

He tunes back into the video which has him holding his finger to his lips, and Eddie is already rolling his eyes. The caption says, “Pranking my boyfriend, Steve 🤣😱” and Eddie can already tell it has to be fake with all the dramatics that Steve just happens to not see.

But then Billy carefully sneaks behind the couch where Steve is sitting and dumps a bucket full of water and ice onto him which has the man yelling and standing up in shock. He stands still for a minute and then yells, “Why the fuck would you do that, Billy??”

The tone and overall reaction has Eddie actually wonder if the video is fake or if Steve is just a really good actor. But he watches it again and notices that the man doesn’t look toward the camera once and something about that makes him feel really uneasy.

Eddie has to reason with himself, if the man is dating Billy Hargrove then he must not be a great person, and maybe he deserved the bucket of ice water. But Eddie still closes out of the app and tries his best not to think about it.

-:-:-:-:-:-

He opens the app a few days later, having forgotten about the whole incident until he comes across another video by Billy and the word “prank” in his caption catches Eddie’s eye. He sighs wondering why it’s on his for you page, but right before he swipes past it, he catches the gist of the prank.

Billy fills a syringe with mayonnaise and injects it into a donut, and then it cuts to him giving it to Steve from a camera that once again seems to be hidden although Billy keeps glancing at it with a smirk on his face and evil in his eyes. Steve, on the other hand, doesn’t glance toward the camera, but his face lights up with glee when he’s handed the donut. “You got this for me?” He asks in an awe filled tone as if the donut means the world to him.

“Yeah, why don’t you take a big ol’ bite of it for me?” Billy asks, voice low. Eddie watches as Steve shifts uncomfortably and puts the donut down.

“This isn’t another prank, is it? You know I don’t like them,” Steve says which honestly surprises Eddie. His tone is entirely genuine, and he feels like he’s peering in on a private moment.

“Of course not baby. Told you I’d stop,” Billy replies with a big smile.

Eddie can’t help but click on the caption: “Simple prank makes boyfriend storm out!” With a shit ton of hashtags that Eddie doesn’t bother reading.

Sure enough, Steve bites into the donut and immediately spits it out. He doesn’t say a word, just shakes his head and storms out of room.

Billy laughs loudly, “Oh, don’t be like that, babe! You know that was funny as shit!”

Eddie opens the comments, and is surprised to find people actually defending the prank. There are some people who comment shit like, “date me instead! I would never get mad at your pranks 🥵”

There’s only one comment that says, “Don’t really find this funny.” But it’s swarmed with hate comments from Billy’s fans that has Eddie scoffing as he scrolls onto the next video. He watches for a few seconds before scrolling back up when he realizes something. He looks at the date of the TikTok and realizes it was posted the previous month which means…

Eddie sighs realizing that him looking through Billy’s videos will only give him more attention and views, but he needs to know how long this has been going on for. And he really needs to find out if Steve is in on any of it or at least had gotten Billy back.

He begrudgingly clicks on Billy’s profile and scrolls through. He finds several videos with the thumbnail being of Steve mid reaction to a prank, and Eddie notices that every time, the camera is far away, and there doesn’t seem to be a single video of him up close.

The whole thing doesn’t feel right to Eddie. But what can he do about it? It’s not like he can report the videos. He could simply just block Billy and try to forget it all.

He scrolls back to the top and accidentally refreshes the page. He’s about to block him when he notices a new video pop up, where Steve looks like he’s in the middle of a panic attack. Eddie immediately presses on it.

⚠️⚠️⚠️

Billy smiles at the camera, no shirt in sight as he laughs, “This is my biggest prank yet. Steve should be home in less than a minute. And look,” he holds up his phone and shows a bathtub filled with red water that almost looks like blood.

Eddie’s shaky hand covers his mouth. He wouldn’t.

Billy laughs and continues, “I sent him a text that says ‘I’m sorry’ and a picture of an empty pill bottle, and he’s been texting me non stop for the past few minutes. Shit, he’s on his way now so it’s time for me to hide my phone and make this look as real as possible.”

Eddie watches as Billy puts his phone on a shelf and seemingly stacks towels up to cover his phone and hold it in place. He looks away when Billy takes out a bottle of fake blood and stages a suicide. He practically shakes with anger. Steve has to be in on this. He has to just be a good actor.

Eddie’s stomach drops when he hears Steve yelling Billy’s name rushing through the house. He bursts through the door and falls against the wall in shock. “Tell me this is a damn prank Billy. Billy…” he gets closer and shakes him. “Billy!” He yells shaking. “Shit. Shit. No no no. Fuck. What the fuck…”

Steve sits next to the tub and puts his head in his hands having a panic attack. Billy’s eyes open and he winks at the camera before grabbing Steve’s shoulders and yelling, “Boo.” He starts cackling loudly as Steve confusedly looks around trying to catch his breath. “I got you so good!” Billy yells through laughter.

Steve shakily gets up, tears streaming down his face and runs. Billy gets out of the tub and makes his way to his phone. “Don’t worry, I’ll make it up to him later,” he says with a wink before the video ends.

⚠️⚠️⚠️

Eddie sits as the video reloops. He’s shaking with anger. He doesn’t think as he duets the video and mutes the other audio. “This is the most fucked up thing I’ve ever seen. These ‘couple pranks’ are stupid enough and not funny, but to fake a suicide and call it a joke… you have to be an extra type of fucked up asshole. There aren’t enough words to describe how evil of a human being you have to be to do something like this to someone you love. I don’t care if this is staged or not. This is not okay. And fuck you.” Eddie quickly censors Billy’s half of the video with a note of “watch at your own risk.” He doesn’t care if his manager is pissed or if his account is filled with Billy’s fans hating on him or whatever. He presses the post button and turns off his phone. He needs fresh air.

He grabs his keys, a hat, and sunglasses, and makes his way out of his apartment. Hopefully the damn paparazzi back the fuck off today. He makes it down his street and walks quickly, fuming with anger. He weaves in and out of people and curses the busy LA streets.

He turns the corner and rams right into someone walking at an equally fast rate. He holds onto the stranger to steady himself and keep them up. “Sorry,” the man chokes out and Eddie is about to brush it off when he realizes he recognizes him.

“Steve?” He asks. He knew Billy lived in Los Angeles but he didn’t know he lived so close. The thought makes him kind of sick to his stomach. He thinks he might punch him if he ever saw him in person.

Steve wipes at his face and narrows his eyes at Eddie. “Sorry, do I know you?”

Eddie glances around before lifting up his sunglasses and hat, waiting for Steve to recognize him enough to gain his trust. Instead, Steve just stares at him blankly.

Eddie’s heart races. This has never really happened to him. He puts on the hat and sunglasses sheepishly. “Uh, I’m Eddie. I know you from Billy’s TikToks.”

Steve just tilts his head in confusion. His eyes are red and puffy. He wonders if Billy posted the video so soon after his prank and if Steve is currently in the aftermath of it. “Um,” Steve says and clears his throat, “Was I in the background or something? He told me I wasn’t in his TikToks.”

Eddie’s heart drops. He opens his phone and goes to Billy’s TikTok, ignoring the way his own TikTok is blowing up. He turns his phone to Steve and picks a less traumatizing prank to show him.

Steve grabs his phone and his eyes widen. A look of confusion crosses over his face that slowly turns into realization and numbness. “He’s been using me for views after promising he wouldn’t, isn’t he? I even asked if the pranks were somehow stupid content but he said they weren’t. He…” he trails off and shakes his head. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be unloading all of this onto you.”

Eddie shakes his head. “No, no. It’s okay. I’m sorry that I told you.”

He watches as Steve numbly nods and scrolls presumedly through Billy’s profile. He looks down at the screen and back at Eddie. “Is this you?” Steve asks hesitantly as he turns the phone back to him.

Eddie confusedly looks at his phone and sees that Billy has apparently replied to his TikTok already. Then, to his left, he hears a bit of commotion and sees some cameras flashing. Fuck. “Do you trust me?” Eddie asks.

Steve looks at his phone and back at Eddie.

Yeah, that’s a lot to ask of him. “Okay, how about this? You keep my phone, and we run back to my apartment around the corner and talk in private before we both end up in shitty magazines?”

Steve tilts his head and glances toward where a few people with cameras make their way to them yelling, “Eddie! Eddie Munson!”

“You’re not a famous serial killer or something, right?”

“Musician,” Eddie says and holds out his hand. “One who hates Billy Hargrove.”

Steve looks down at his hand and takes it running alongside Eddie who tries not to think about the stories that might come out of this. Gosh, he thought his biggest scandal would be when he came out as gay.

He makes his way back to his apartment telling his doorman, “Paparazzi! He’s with me!”

Hopper just nods in response and opens the door quickly. Eddie sighs in relief when he makes it through and to the elevator. Steve looks at him and asks, “How offended are you that I don’t know you?”

Eddie laughs. “Mildly, but it’s a relief really.” He realizes that isn’t the biggest concern in the moment and changes the subject. “Are you okay?”

Steve sighs and runs a hand through his hair. He opens his mouth but the elevator dings, and Steve almost looks relieved. Eddie doesn’t press it as he leads him to his apartment. “Make yourself at home. Do you want water, coffee, tea, soda, or anything?”

Steve numbly shakes his head, so Eddie grabs two bottles of water and two cokes from his fridge. He puts them down on his coffee table and sits on the couch, watching as Steve kind of hovers in his living room with his arms crossed. “I won’t bite, and I certainly won’t pressure you to do anything. But you can sit on the couch if you like.”

Steve eyes him and asks timidly, “You’re not in on anything with Billy, right?”

It breaks his heart seeing and hearing how on edge these pranks have made Steve. “Fuck no. I promise on my guitar I have never had anything to do with Billy and I never will. Well… unless you count me calling him out on his shit on TikTok.”

The words seem to get through to Steve who sits down on the couch next to Eddie while keeping his distance. “So… that’s why you were on his TikTok.”

Eddie’s heart hammers. He nearly forgot that Billy had apparently dueted his own video. “Yeah, but it has to be really new because I only posted mine literally a minute before I ran into you.”

Steve looks down at Eddie’s phone still in his hands. “Why?”

“Why what?” Eddie asks genuinely confused.

“Why did you call him out?” Steve asks, not sounding angry just… curious.

Eddie shifts and play with a string on one of the rips of his jeans. “His most recent video with the faked suicide. That wasn’t fucking cool, man. None of the pranks he’s done have been okay. And I’m sorry that you were put through them - especially this last one.”

Steve’s face turns almost white. “He posted that? Was I… was I in it? Like… my entire breakdown was…” he trials off as Eddie slowly nods. “Fuck,” Steve says burying his face in his hands. Eddie is about to apologize or go on a rant about how much he hates Billy Hargrove when Steve asks, “Can I see the video you made?”

Eddie’s cheek flush red, but he replies, “Yeah, uh, I don’t exactly remember what I said because I kind of went into a fit of rage and posted whatever came to mind. But yeah, my password is 051599.”

Steve types the password into his phone, and stares at the screen blankly. He looks at Eddie and asks, “I’m not on social media… ever so… could you show me?”

Eddie nods and slides over until he’s a few inches away from the beautiful man, and he does his best to try not to think too hard about how attractive he finds him as he goes to his profile and presses on his recent video. His nose scrunches up at the sound of his own voice, but he doesn’t disagree with anything he said. Billy Hargrove is a dick.

“Can I see the comments?” Steve asks. Eddie nods and clicks on them.

“Woah,” Eddie can’t help but say as he sees blue checkmark after blue checkmark. The top comments are from @ ronancetheromance with the couple saying: “Only an absolutely vile person is capable of such a fucked up prank. #SaveSteve”. Another from @ willthewise: “remember to comment on here instead of the original video so it can get less attention!! #savesteve”. Several of the rest of the streamers who call themselves “The Party” reply to Will’s with the hashtag “SaveSteve”.

“Who are these people?” Steve asks as he scrolls through the comments. He comes across one from @ billyfan4everandalways saying: “Watch Billy’s new video and stop being so quick to judge!!”

Eddie clicks on the replies, and the top liked one - having more likes than the original comment - is from @ ericasinclair: “that ugly mullet man’s explanation is bullshit and everyone knows it. let Steve talk for himself or I’m not buying it. #SaveSteve #CancelBilly”

Eddie nearly follows the girl, but realizes that Steve had asked a question. “Most of them I don’t know personally honestly.”

“Then why are they defending me? I’m nobody,” Steve says as if it’s a common fact.

Eddie turns off his phone and puts it down, properly facing Steve. “I know I don’t know you well, but you are not nobody. And these people are defending you not only because Billy is a dick, but this prank stuff is abusive and shouldn’t be normalized especially with the following he has. Nobody should go through that.”

Steve turns slightly red and looks away before asking, “Can we watch his reply?”

Eddie shudders a bit at the thought, but turns on his phone and goes to his page. “Are you sure? I haven’t seen it yet either, and I’m a little prone to getting pissed at him.”

“I’m sure,” Steve says and even reaches over to open the video.

Billy still has fake blood on him and is scrubbing it off with an angry look on his face. He looks at the camera every so often, and it’s clear that he’s staring at himself in a mirror. What a fucking asshole. “These pranks are harmless, and even my boyfriend would agree with that. He enjoys them and he makes sure to show me how much once the cameras stop rolling and his shock has died off,” Billy says so with a smirk on his face that sends chills down Eddie’s body. “So, stop making assumptions about me and my boyfriend and keep making shitty music instead asshole.” The video ends with him flipping off the camera.

“Charming,” Eddie comments, pausing the video so it doesn’t endlessly loop, and turns to see Steve’s reaction. He runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head.

“He’s lying. I’ve been begging him to stop for weeks. Even slept on the couch in protest. But that last one was the last straw. I just… don’t know where to go,” Steve sits back against the couch and mumbles, “Fuck.”

Eddie shifts and looks at him. “Do you have any friends or family that could take you in?”

Steve laughs humorlessly. “My parent disowned me when they found out I was dating Billy. Didn’t want a bi son ruining the family image. I had to move in with Billy, and he used to be sweet really. Well… I thought he was for the first three months. When his TikTok career took off he moved to LA, and I felt like I had no choice but to go with him. I grew apart from the few friends I had before the move, and I was just stuck with Billy here. And I… I don’t know,” Steve sighs and puts his head in his hands. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to dump all of this on you. I just… haven’t really had anyone to talk to.” The man lifts his head, his eyes are tired and filled with unshed tears. He’s gorgeous really, but that’s the last thing Eddie needs to be thinking about.

Eddie takes a moment to consider things. Steve seems like a good guy. He has plenty of extra room in his too big apartment and money to spare that he doesn’t know what to do with. Honestly, he’s not meant for this lifestyle and never has been. He’s happy that his uncle Wayne is retired and living comfortably off his too big income, but it’s lonelier than he imagined it to be.

And with that thought Eddie tells Steve, “Then live here for a while. No pranks. I won’t use you for clout or whatever. I have a guest bedroom with its own private bathroom, and I usually never have visitors. And I hate parties, so you don’t have to worry about that either. I may be writing songs in the middle of the night, but my music room is fairly soundproof. And trust me, I would appreciate the company or feeling like my money is going toward something important.”

Steve stands up and shakes his head. “It’s okay, man. I don’t want your charity. You’ve already done enough.”

Eddie stays on the couch and says, “Please, Steve, stay a week or just a few days. If you hate it here, I’ll help you get on your way. But trust me when I say you’ll help me too. It’s…” he sighs and runs a hand over his face, “It’s lonely in LA.” He cringes as he quotes the title of his favorite song that he’s written. It’s also his least popular one, but it’s the most honest thing on any of his albums.

“Reminds me of that song,” Steve says with a small smile.

Eddie’s head snaps up. “You know it?”

Steve hums the chorus of Eddie’s song and Eddie joins in. Steve stops to ask, “You know it, too?”

Eddie huffs a laugh. “I wrote it.”

Steve looks at him for a few moments longer with a combination of shock and hesitation. Then he surprises Eddie by asking, “You really wouldn’t mind if I stayed?”

“Not at all. Unless you ended up doing something really drastic like trying to murder me.”

Steve snorts, and Eddie finds it endearing. He tries to shake the feeling away. He can not fall for this man when he’s a guest in his house and especially not after everything he’s been through. But then Steve gives him a real smile and holds out his hand saying, “It’s a deal.”

And when Eddie takes his hand and feels how warm and nice it feels in his, half of him wants to argue that it’s just because it’s been a while since he’s actually had a genuine conversation with another person. But the other half is quick to accept that he’s absolutely fucked when it comes to this stranger that he feels like he’s inevitably going to fall in love with.

[jacs33]

The Bet Part 2

Words: 1.6k

Pairings: Pierre Gasly x Female Oc

Aurora did the not so smart thing by leaving the restaurant and going to the bar, unlike her original plans of going back to her room and eating her feelings in ice cream. Her, a broken heart, and alcohol have never mixed well, as she had a habit of drinking way too much, more than she normally did.

Which brought her stumbling to her godfathers hotel room almost black out drunk and crying. She was mad at herself for even crying over Pierre, as he didn’t deserve her tears.

No, he deserved her anger the most. Being the one to stand her up and then bring another girl to that same restaurant, knowing that she’d be there was a low blow.

Not only had he hurt her, but he also humiliated her tonight. Although she doubts the girl knew, or anyone for that matter. But it was still the fact that she found herself insanely happy for the date.

She felt something for Pierre, which doesn’t happen often for her.

It was hard for Aurora to love or to let people in as her own parents were in and out of her life, only appearing when they wanted something from her.

Relationships were the same story almost, boyfriends would always tell lies about loving her then going off to cheat on her, only wanting her around when there was something that involved having a plus one.

There was only one person that was a constant in her life, that was there through every heartbreak, rather from her parents or boyfriends.

Kimi Raikkonen treated his goddaughter as if she were his actual child, because to him she was, as he had raised her since she was one, after finding her alone in her crib while his best friend was out partying along with his wife.

So when he woke up to loud sobs outside his hotel door in the middle of night and found the sole person those sobs belonged to, he swore that he would hurt whoever caused them.

“Let’s get you inside.” He whispered while picking her up and bringing her into the room, kissing her head as she snuggled into his chest like when she was younger.

“I-it hurts uncle Kimi.” She sobbed into his chest, while he rubbed her back, getting into the bed and leaning his back against the headboard.

“What does Aurora? What happened?” He questioned softly.

“He stood me up.” She said, crying. “But that’s not all, he brought another date to the restaurant that he was supposed to be meeting me at.”

“Who, sweetheart?” He questioned, pissed, whoever he is would have to face him, how could someone be that heartless to stand someone up and take their next date to the same place, to rub it into an innocent girl's face.

“Pierre Gasly”

“Fucking asshole.” He grumbled. “Just get some sleep sweetheart, okay?”

“Okay, goodnight uncle Kimi.” She whispered, crawling into the other side of the bed and falling asleep almost immediately.

The next morning Pierre, Max, Daniel, Charles and Daniil were standing around outside Charles’s garage.

The other four wanted to know what exactly happened last night and to see if the bet was completed.

Which to them it was Pierre, one of the biggest fuck boys in the paddock, if anyone would’ve completed that bet, it would have been him, unless he fully liked the person.

Even then it was unlikely that he’s stay with them very long before getting bored with the relationship.

“So how did last night go?” Daniel was the first one to ask, curiosity getting the best of him.

“Easy, I stood her up.” Pierre shrugged. “I did it in a less easy way on her though.”

“Oh?” Max questioned.

“I just bought another date to the same restaurant five minutes later, my whole plan was to walk by her and rub it in her face but we ended up sitting by her.”

“How’d she take it?” Charles asked.

“Surprisingly well. I expected her to walk out in a crying mess but she just sat there and ate, didn’t even look over at us at all, didn’t even say anything either. She had the perfect opportunity to ruin my date but left it. It confused me honestly.”

“Weird.” Daniil said. “I would’ve punched you in her shoes.” He added with a chuckle.

“Guess she just didn’t care.” Pierre shrugged, watching Kimi walk in with a girl, before catching a glimpse of her. “Oh fuck.” He muttered.

He couldn’t believe that she was here right now, with the proclaimed Iceman of F1, he wasn’t supposed to see her again.

She was someone that was supposed to just disappear from his life like the others.

But now she's standing here in the place of his work, walking with the one guy no one wants to mess with, Kimi Raikkonen.

Daniel caught where he was looking at mumbles with a gulp. “Please tell me she is the one we bet on…”

Pierre found himself unable to reply and just nodded at his Australian friend.

“Fucking hell.” Daniel mumbled. “Kimi’s god daughter out of all people?!” He whispered yelled.

“Your the one that pointed her out.” He found himself also whispering harshly. “Why didn’t you tell me that she was Kimi’s god daughter!”

“Kimi has a god daughter?” Charles whispers.

“Yes, and why are you all freaking out about Aurora?” Sebastian said, appearing in the conversation after walking passed.

All the boys seemed panicked and worried about this and that itself worried the German.

“What did you do?” He added before anyone could speak, just having a gut feeling.

“Umm” Charles mumbled quietly.

“Tell me, because whatever it is, if Kimi finds out, you're all likely to be dead. He’s insanely protective of her as she’s had a rough past. So please just spit it out so I can decide whether my help is warranted or not.”

“We dared Pierre to sleep with a girl from the bar and then to take her out on a date the next night, only to stand her up when it came time for the actual date.” Daniil explained to Seb. “It was just supposed to be harmless.”

“Are you fucking serious?!”

“Look we didn’t know she was like a family member to a driver I swear. We just thought she was a random stranger.”

“Daniel should’ve known! He’s seen her around before.”

“I was drunk and couldn’t see straight, she also changed a lot from the last time I saw her.”

“Can we please just figure out how to get me to survive throughout the day? He looks ready to kill me.” Pierre whispers with a gulp now realizing that Kimi was indeed glaring at the group from his garage, with Aurora’s back turned away from them.

“Nope, you five are on your own, I’m not about to stand in his way for killing you Pierre. You don’t fuck with Aurora at all.” Seb told them while walking off towards the duo.

Pierre froze in his place when she turned to face Sebastian and hug him with a smile, it was then that he actually saw the effects of his actions.

While she was trying to be strong in front of everyone, not liking to show people that she’s not okay, he could see the puffy eyes and even the dull look that her beautiful eyes now show.

He never regretted his actions more than he does right now.

It wasn’t just because he might die at the hands of Kimi, but because he hurt the most gorgeous woman in the world just to win a stupid bet.

A bet that could have possibly ruined what could be the best thing in his life after the rough patch he was in these past few days.

And he had no idea how to fix it or if he even could.

But if taking a good beating from Kimi to make her happy or feel better, he'll take it without hesitation.

Because he deserves it after that, after hurting her like that.

“Yeah, we better run.” Max said cutting him out of his thoughts seeing Kimi storming their way after he had someone near Aurora to keep an eye on her.

While everyone nodded and ran off as fast as they could to their garages, Charles went to his drivers room to hide out, Pierre just stood there facing it head on.

In what could have been the second most stupid thing to do in one weekend.

“Pierre fucking Gasly.” Kimi growls out when he reaches him, caught the attention of those around them in the paddock.

“Hey, Kimi.” Pierre gulped. “How are you?”

“Shut it. I know what you did last night and it was fucked up.”

“Kimi, I feel guilty about it.”

“Bullshit, you wouldn’t have done it if you actually cared about Aurora.” Kimi glared at him. “You leave her alone, I haven’t seen her like that in awhile, and I refuse to let see her back to the way she was before because of a stupid fuck boy who can’t keep it in their pants and doesn’t care about their feelings.”

“I didn’t know.”

“I didn’t ask if you knew, this is the last thing you’ll do to her, I know about the bet, Sebastian filled me and her in on it. Come around her again and I’ll give you something to feel guilty about. Right now I’m not doing anything because she asked me not to, so you can thank her for protecting your ass for some reason.” He told the Frenchman with a deadly glare before walking off and back to his god daughter, leaving Pierre in a stunned silence.

Pierre couldn’t rack his brain over the fact that she basically protected him from the dangers of Kimi’s wrath, not that Kimi could also believe that he was following through with his goddaughter’s request.

[nomsfaultau]

Daily ask №14! 2 weeks anniversary woooo

Void edition!

Also I'm writing this sitting under a linden tree. Smells absolutely amazing.AH MUFFIN A BUG JUMPED ONTO MY THIGH WHILE I WAS WRITING THIS AND IT WASNT A BEE

What IS void? Is it an entity? A place?

How does it know everything?

Did it even come from the fault universe originally? I mean, it has access to knowledge no other character possesses. Is it something of another world then?

How the heck did it get trapped within Wilbur? Is it even trapped? Basically, Wilbur and Void. What's their thing?

Is void and void madness the same thing? Does void give people void madness? Does it happen by itself? Basically, what's the thing with that?

Okay but like if the higher being that was watching me was a teenage girl, even from another universe, I'd probably be more dissapointed than go mad. Plus they've handled far worse, I feel like. Existential horror doesn't seem new to the crew, why is void madness actually to distressing?

Somewhat personal stuff on the topic, don't read if you don't want to or don't care, I completely understand: I mean, personally, I'd probably take some comfort in being watched like that. It at least means that I'm interesting and or sympathetic and that my life will be interesting too. But I'm biased, as a person who spends their free time monologuing to the "chat" (aka nonexistent entities that I made up that watch me all of the time and hear my thoughts purely because the realisation that I am indeed alone in my mind and in general was too distressing to accept)

Haha anyways! Yeah fuck you, void : D

No that was Tubbo in a funny hat. And this is MASSIVE spoilers for Fault; the characters have only briefly brushed against void madness in very small doses, since they’re more concerned with things like interpersonal drama and being shot at. At most I’d say there’s foreshadowing with increasing implications such as in Tubbos’ minor foray into the void or Greg, but the curtain hasn’t peeled back on that can of worms.

I’d like to address part of 7 up here, since I think it’s an excellent framework to understanding why I added a layer of metafictionality to Fault (beyond the fact it’s cool as hell).

I narrate constantly in my internal monologue too. I think it's a very human impulse to frame things in stories even (or especially) when we never tell them. It's how we try to make sense of the world, create cause and effect and feel like we have control in a very stoichastic universe. We feel the need to explain in order to process things, which is why things like journalling, talking to people (or even imagining to do so) can be helpful. And so we create audiences both internal and external to partake in the act of a story, because that’s how it’s supposed to work. A speaker, a listener. In a way Fault is my way of processing different philosophy systems externally through the framework of a story, and I’m just lucky enough that other people have decided to listen.

Internal narratives make it easier to process things because in a way it’s a short cut. It explains the world in a way that’s simpler and easier to work with than reality, which would be very overwhelming otherwise. Instead of having to examine everything always and treat it like it’s new, additional information can be shoved in a category with similar data. This is where we get confirmation bias, prejudices, conspiracy theories too. Information that contradicts with our story is often discarded. Our story of how the world works is also the story of ourselves.

I’m going to sound pretentious for a sec here (well this entire preface really)(I promise I stole this from a YouTube video I’m not literate). In ‘The Mnemonic Imagination’ Keightley and Pickering posit that “Trauma is when an experience is so contradicting to your sense of continuity that your internal narrative is effectively destroyed.” It's too big to be discarded, and so the narrative is discarded instead. Fault deals heavily in trauma, in how it disrupts internal understanding of the world and creates new narratives. We see this in the hallway reframing Tommy’s understanding so that he and his friends are monsters. We see this in Wilbur’s bad experiences with humans leading it to simplifying into humanity into something always evil. In the past when faced with trauma, I would find myself repeating an explanation over and over to imagined people, to make it easier to process. Trying to frame it in a way that reintegrates it into the overall narrative, because it needed to fit before I could move on.

If trauma is the disruption of narratives, and Fault is about trauma, it made sense for me to examine how far an internal understanding of the world could break. I wanted to examine our relationships to stories both internal and externally. Metafictional madness will not be the only type of derealization at play at that point of the narrative, and I want to examine how trauma creates disconnect and alienation from the world around you. How the stories we tell ourselves affects how we treat others. And even more importantly, how to reject the new framework of the world that trauma creates. Chiefly, in restarting the narrative. Choosing to continue the story. Choosing to live.

People are made of stories. They are how we survive. Fault above all is about survival in all its messy glory.

And also it looks sick as hell.

What IS void? Is it an entity? A place?

The void is both a dimension and a collection of Conceptuals. It’s an eclectic group that are all ambitious cunning and territorial. Very dog-eat-dog, all scrambling for dominance.

On the dimensional front, it’s a bog standard infinite evil plane filled with monsters and goulies. The world itself is implied to also be an entity in their own right, or rather many entities, turtles all the way down style. Tubbo described it as such: “The terrain is layers. It’s all superimposed on everything else. Like, one spot might be an infinite mountain, but also a wine sea, but also an alien city, but also a bone bog, but also the fur of some beast, but also— just hundreds of realities all happening in the same spot. We can can sorta focus on one layer, but the others butt in. They’re all shadows cast from a million things, mixing into a blur but each version distinct.”

It’s like facets on the same gem, infinite fractals of planes of non existence each filled with horrors all fighting for dominance. It would be fairly maddening to fully behold, but luckily Tubbo gets some defense via being a partially omnipresent multitude.

3. Did it even come from the fault universe originally? I mean, it has access to knowledge no other character possesses. Is it something of another world then?

The void is its own world. Unworld maybe? Regardless it’s broken into the Fault universe.

4. How the heck did it get trapped within Wilbur? Is it even trapped? Basically, Wilbur and Void. What's their thing?

The void typically is separate from the dimension of Fault. It is ravenous but in the void there is nothing they can actually eat. So every few generations the void pools its power together to create a vessel. This is different from how The Blood God chooses a preexisting host. Wilbur never agreed to be a vessel, it was simply born as one. Through this vessel the void has torn a tiny hole in the fabric of Fault, through which it can seep in and cause problems. That’s the hole in Wilbur’s head.

Like many vessels, Wilbur has sovereignty over the void to some extent. Part of that is being a person, but part of it is being the culmination of the void’s efforts pooled together. So he is the one thing that can really control the void if with varying success based on his willpower. And like every other voidkeeper that has ever existed in Fault, Wilbur realized oh wait the void wants to devour all matter, and I’m matter so I should stop that. To Wilbur the void is a burden, to the void Wilbur is an opportunity. But also not their only opportunity, so if he dies oh well but they also did put in a lot of effort to make it in the first place. Imagine trying to create the perfect OC and a world domination scheme with the infinite number of typewriter monkeys. Who all have knives and will attack if they don't like your proposed amendment re: amount of teeth.

5. Is void and void madness the same thing? Does void give people void madness? Does it happen by itself? Basically, what's the thing with that?

The void can cause its own sort of eldritch madness, speaking in tongues, clawing your eyes out, basic stuff like that. Void madness is probably an inaccurate term since I was just being cheeky when I said it. It is not madness the void causes in and of itself, and is more of a byproduct from their actions. The void’s goal is to consume all of reality. Hence creating Wilbur, so they have access. But Fault is not reality, it’s a fan fiction, and so to eat reality the void first has to eat Fault. Like an entrée.

The problem occurs when the void eats through Fault, creating holes to reality beyond. This exposes characters to the fact they are in a story, which starts to cause problems.

It’s not eldritch madness in the common sense with the bleeding eyes and gibberish, but instead madness born from being aware of metafictionality. More like the ant understanding a computer chip type of madness. It’s a fact that reframes one’s entire reality in a way completely incongruous to one’s previous life, unfathomable to anyone else and thus isolating. It’s really a type of trauma, the type seen as too ‘horrific’ to share with others for fear of tainting them as well.

2.How does it know everything?

I don’t think it’s a symptom of being Conceptuals, else Phil, Niki, The Blood God, etc would be aware of the metafictionality. In all likelihood, trial and error. After a few goes with vessels one probably inevitably got a rip in the Fault universe to reality beyond and thereafter were desperate to break through two layers between dimensions instead of just the one. The void isn’t necessarily a collective given how individualist it is, but knowledge is power and they have literally eternity to spread the word through gossip, hushed secrets, brochures, etc.

6. Okay but like if the higher being that was watching me was a teenage girl, even from another universe, I'd probably be more dissapointed than go mad. Plus they've handled far worse, I feel like. Existential horror doesn't seem new to the crew, why is void madness actually to distressing?

Technically, the Fault guys actually haven’t dealt with metafictional madness. At most they’ve brushed up against it. Tubbo's gotten some brief glimpses and has some forbidden knowledge but doesn’t know what it means. Philza experienced some holes in the narrative and started to unravel since he’s weak to psychic attacks, but he thought it was just eldritch madness. And Wilbur kinda dismisses all that stuff because well it’s the void it’s TRYING to make you go insane so why would you believe the crap they’re saying?

The horror lies in realizing you are a character without control of your existence, thoughts, agency who suffers and lives for the amusement of otherworldly beings you can’t even comprehend. It’s the realization that your personality, traumas, relationships has been manufactured by a cruel god. It’s like suddenly blinking and the world around you is made of cardboard props, or the stage light falling in the Truman Show. It’s existential horror in the reframing of your entire existence, of knowing nothing is real it doesn’t matter while everyone you’ve ever loved carries on believing they’re people. They’re not. You aren’t.

You didn’t exist until a few months ago, and when the story ends so will you. The moment you aren’t interesting you cease existing. Are you real in the moment between scenes? Does your friend stop existing the moment they leave the room? Do you have thoughts only when the story is in your perspective? Do you have thoughts at all or just what the author forces you to think?

7. Somewhat personal stuff on the topic, don't read if you don't want to or don't care, I completely understand: I mean, personally, I'd probably take some comfort in being watched like that. It at least means that I'm interesting and or sympathetic and that my life will be interesting too. But I'm biased, as a person who spends their free time monologuing to the "chat" (aka nonexistent entities that I made up that watch me all of the time and hear my thoughts purely because the realisation that I am indeed alone in my mind and in general was too distressing to accept) Haha anyways! Yeah ṁ̵̮̌ủ̷̢͉̫̕f̸͍̠̬̾f̷̭̳͙̚i̷̪̳̥̾̑n̷̢̩̝͗̿ you, void : D

There are a lot of ways to deal with that type of information. Not all characters react to void madness in the same way, much like they all have different responses to trauma. Your reaction sounds much more in line with the Zaphod Beeblebrox reaction to the Total Perspective Vortex, or the song Main Character by Will Wood. I mean not implying you’re egotistical like those characters, but similar in being flattered by it. You know, most people don’t know if their life has a purpose, but knowing you’re the literal main character of existence could be a pretty kicking deal depending on how you roll with it.

[jrueships]

taking lil notes on the sauce getting a tat stream.... will be reblogging with more bcs this video is fucking long as shit plus with me always pausing to write whatever nonsense i find funny? yea, idk if ill be able to get thru this all lmao 😭 but yea this will just be lil blurbs rewritten n commented on as i watch on one device and take notes on another like a lil movie major or smthin LMAO. To shorten typing time, Sauce will be SG and tat man will just be K as his real name is Kyle. ok? ok

SG, impatient & cocky, trying to show out 4 the stream like a little loser: ay cmon bruh im ready 😤!!🤘🏿 *goes to lay down on the jets styled?? tatting bed??? idk what that is i don't get tats.. i just know they probably fucked on it cus sauce winced when he had to sit down LMAO. went from ay bruh im ready to EUAGH 😫!! Eh 😣😖!! in a millisecond LMFAO*

K: *checks himself out on camera for a split second*

K: *very polite to the stream's viewing. Apparently has never streamed or got an audience up close n personal during his tat sessions. Only shows the before and after photos so this is a new but very fun experience for him. aww, so cute <3 sauce getting him to try new things!!!! He's nervous about getting the best angles for us and he's always trying his best to please!! ( he's so service top it's Mad. it's MADDENIN!!! ) Sauce dramatic diva demanding hot n s*x fierce reporter mean fake bitch and his quiet polite and personable yet professionally firm, keeping sauce in line when he needs to fulltime cameraman part time bodyguard when the situation gets unexpectedly (or expectedly. Not everyone has Tat man's insanely loyal patience with sauce...) hostile WHEN??? Slowburn We're just workers/he's just my minion to ........... don't ask why we came out of the same bathroom at the same time STFU ?? HELLO??? TAT MAN!!!*

Chat: cook up kyle

Kyle: !! :] !! yea 😺!! im boutta cook 🥰 (HE KEEPS GETTING SO SWEETLY HYPED UP FROM SAUCES LIL AUDIENCE. IT'S SO CUTE LOL)

1:05 (around there idk none of these time stamps will be any accurate bcs i pause late after realizing smthin was funny then guestimate where it started so sorry :( ): sauce walking his big b00bies up in our face jumpscare :/ . To help Kyle zoom the camera per his chats demands. He lowkey high key very anxious and micromanaging abt kyle using his camera equipment lol. He just loves telling people what to do but also that shit is probably very expensive. But cmon sauce. Kyle the cameraman's got it!!! HE EVEN HAS THE PERFECT CAMERAMAN NAME LIKE?? Let him take care of you bbygirl ..😼

Sauce once again (a bit more gingerly this time) sits himself on his jets style seat thing and let's out a little cry of pain when his ass hits it??? sauce these bttm allegations are BEATING ur ASS lmao????

Kyle does what sauce was about to do for him and sauce kinda :/// >:( 😰😰😠. Sauce try to go five seconds without micromanaging challenge impossible. Complains about chat being able to see his facial expressions being too close up now and how he won't be able to fuck with Kyle no more cus of it cus they'll make shit is weird. Kyle simply responds ' That's love 🙂. '

Sauce goads the chat asking if he should end stream. Kyle at first thinks maybe he isn't cameramanning right and gets a little nervous/sad at disappointing sauce but quickly catches onto the strategy and joins in on the bait. The chat take it with a chorus of Nos. Girlboss sauce malewife Tat man media powercouple ftw?

2:58, K: wait turn ur head a lil bit? *Sauce looks at him* no, other way *sauce looks away, exposing neck to him and pre-ink*

K admires his work. Shows it off to the chat, tells them he's getting them right. Zooms in on sauce's neck

SOMEBODY SAID 'L NIPPLE' IN THE CHAT WHAT???? Chat language is so.... beautiful 😭

'Stop being a lil girl take the pain like a man'????? Yall sure this is twitch and not p*rnhub ??? tf?

Kyle zooms in. Chat: "glad to get the nipple off the page" HELP. my thoughts exactly

Kyle tries hiding sauces face with his zooms bcs he knows sauce was self conscious about his expressions lmao. Chat, instantly, and these are different people too. Everyone is a sadist here apparently. My kinda people 😼: 'WE NEED TO SEE HIS FACE FR' 'HIS FACE BRO WE NEED TO SEE HIS FACE' 'WE NEED TO SEE HIS FACE IF HE CRIES'

3:38 Sauce, reading the chat bcs if he doesn't have attention that he can feel for five seconds he explodes and dies: is my face in there ? <- literally just whined about not wanting his face seen bcs he'd get weird comments and ruin his very heterosexual very platonic relationship with tat man. But is now turning his whole tune around for some shred of people pleasing attention omg 🙄 poo fimbly 😑

K: nah they be clownin 😿.. *just wants to protect him*

Sauce agrees a bit then quickly changes subject to compliment himself.

Sauce notices camera needs shifting so he tries but Kyle's on it before he can. Sauce keeps trying anyways until eventually the needles settle him slougish

5:10 chat tells them to zoom out but sauce defends his cameraman: AINT NO ZOOM OUT 😾😾!! HE TRYNA GIVE YOU THE UPCLOSE LOOKS !!

Kyle zooms out anyways

Sauce whines about his nipple lol

Sg: yall weird af 😑 Yall tryna see my nipple or smthin 🤨? *incredulous look to camera*

K: FREE THE NIP!!!!! <- reading off chat, sadly

THE CHAT BULLIED HIM INTO HIDING HIS BOOBS LMAO. He got a blanket 😭 so now he's gonna be with another man... while under a blanket ? um. sauce I think this is pretty lose lose if u ask me .

Kyle wearing those black tattoo gloves gently touching sauces neck.... soft dom and not even trying to hide it 🤨?

Chat: stop moaning 😐

Sauce: my bad bruh 😔

Someone: get the tissues ready (????)

Sg: in da trenches 😼. in da trenches 😼

Someone in chat: sauce do u like when men fuck u? ( 🤔.. it's a fair ask 😳.)

Chat: the right side of my neck hurted the most (average sauce fan iq, im afraid )

Chat: SAUCE BABY START TWERKING

( now im just finding funny chat stuff cus all sauce doing rn is trying to not cry by randomly singing along to the music and kyle is working)

Chat trying to plot lies on kyle by spamming kyle messed up smthin so sauce can get worried lmao

9:40: around there, maybe a bit later, sauce starts groaning and cursing more

Chat: Sauce is it hard

Sauce asks how many people watching bcs u know he looooves an audience. Kyle doesn't know how to check so he has to stop and ask the chat

Kyle: Seven- ..... 776? 800? a thousand? man idk :(. yall play too much >:( yall play too damn much 🙄! ... i fuck with yall tho >:)

Chat trying to gaslight sauce into thinking Kyle's actually tatting a dick on his neck

I've been skipping or doing other stuff during some of the tatting. Sauce got up to try and figure out some twitch function? Mic suppression? idk. He lowkey stalling lol.

Kyle starts asking what the chat been saying around 31:40, curious.

Sauce and Kyle mumble to songs internmentedly lol

33:25 around there kyle raps to a song he rlly likes. Sauce adlibs it's cute

PAUSING THIS AT 35:10. We basically got an hour left in this jawn. YALL WE WATCHED ALOT IM PROUD!!!! OK im leaving this here for now, reblogging l a ter maybe even finishing it idk? I just need this shit sent cus im a lil nervous if it'll even load... this was a lotta work 😭 all for tatman and sauce interactions damn... ion even know this man's last name .. i need to go do strong people things now BYE see yall soon hopefully

[auroragehenna]

AI-less Whumptober

Day 8 Panic attacks, dissociation, seizure

TW/CW: Trauma trigger, dehumanization? Somewhat? Special whumper x whumpee dynamic, brief mention of death Word count: 1083 words

Another tavern. Another room and another night without privacy. For the millionth time on their journey Tierney wished her master curse would work faster and the woman would just drop dead.

“Oh stop glaring daggers and settle down, I’m tired.”, Zestia said, noticing the Tiefling’s gaze and rolling her own eyes.

Tierney whispered an elvish insult under her breath as she turned around to take off her bags and Armor.

 Not quiet enough.

“What did you say?!”, she heard Zestia’ voice from behind her, she sounded out of breath.

Tierney turned around, confused. And then she saw that Zestia had her hand on her rapier. She made a few quick steps back and went for her own dagger. But it wasn’t there. Of course. That damn hypnosis! So she went into defensive stance instead. But something was weird, Zestia wasn’t mad. She didn’t want to attack. She was...scared. “Okay what is going on?”

“What did you say?”

“My…My insult?”

“Yes! How do you know that!?”

“My father taught me.”

“Your father was an elve?!”, Zestia choked out, gripping her rapier even tighter, knuckles white. Tierney took a composed breath, she focused and replaced her pointed ears with fluffy sheep ears and tried to hide her wings and well as possible. Then she started to speak again: “Okay, deep breaths.” With careful, slow movements she put her hand into her bag and took out a bundle of bound flowers. Lavender and valerian. She stretched her hand out towards Zestia, the other one raised in innocence. “Please smell this. It’s not poison, plus you said yourself you’re immune to poison. Just please smell it, you’re having a panic attack.”

“I don’t need your fucking help!”, Zestia yelled, now shivering.

“Of course not. But smell it. It’s a nice smell either way.”, Tierney tried to convince her. But as Zestia made no sign to meet her halfway she laid the bundle on the table and walked into the corner next to the bed. Sitting on the ground. She tried to seem as little as a threat as possible.

Eventually Zestia moved out of her freeze and slowly walked to the table. “Tell me exactly what kind of plant those are!”, Zestia pressed out.

“Lavender and valerian. Both plants can assist you with calming down. Either by smelling them or by making them into a tea.”

“Why should I trust you.”

“You have better cards if I were to lie.”, Tierney argued and shrugged her shoulders. “But aside from that, you can’t.”

Zestia eyed her a bit longer but then shaking pale hands lifted up the bundle of flowers, and smelled on them. They did smell good, she had to admit. And she didn’t notice anything off. But she definitely didn’t feel calm yet.

“Can I help you now?”, Tierney asked from her corner.

Zestia grumbled but she really wanted to stop panicking. She hated this. All of this. But it would be fine. The Tiefling wouldn’t survive anyway and what she witnessed would die with her. “Fine. But one wrong move and…”

“Sure.”, Tierney answered, getting up and walking towards Zestia. “Okay, my advice would be; sit down. What do you think of that?”

“I don’t like it.”, Zestia answered.

“Okay. Then scratch that. But you’re still hyperventilating. Try to match your breathing to mine, okay? Breathe in for four, hold for seven and then exhale for eight. With me, come on.”, Tierney instructed

Zestia tried to mimic the breathing exercise and noticed that blessedly the light-headedness did grow smaller. “Okay, what’s next?”, Zestia asked, to her displeasure it sounded way less imperious than planned.

“I need you to focus on me whether I want that or not and tell me what animals you see, okay?”

“Uhm, okay?”

For the next few minutes Tierney played her malfunctioning wildshape ability and transformed multiple parts of her body into animal parts. Zestia guessed most of them correct, the snake parts the fastest, and she could feel that she was relaxing a bit more. Now I need you to look at my eyes and not at our hands and feel. Same spiel.

And Zestia did, she felt all the weird textures the Tiefling’s hand turned into. Skin, fur, and scales. Her lip twitched a bit as she felt the scales of snakes gliding under her fingers.

“Can you smell the flowers again?”, Tierney asked and Zestia did.

“Now tell me something positive, whatever it is, that comes to mind first.” I hate my life.

“Something positive…”, Zestia scoffed.

“Yes. Can be anything.”

“I…enjoy being on top of rooftops and playing my lyre. Seeing people slow down and listen.”

“Do you wanna do that now? Or just play in here?”

“I think I can do that.”, Zestia agreed.

“Great, proud of you.”, Tierney said, walked to the bed and let herself flop on it. Shortly after she heard music filling the room. She pulled her legs up to her torso and covered herself with her wing. Then she listened to the music trying to drown her thoughts in it. People always give what they need.

Eventually Zestia walked over to the bed and sat down on it. The Tiefling flinched. Zestia wanted to smile at it but right now she wasn’t in the mood. “Hey, do you have a melody you’d like me to play?”

Tierney held her breath, then she sat up and looked at Zestia. Inquiringly. “I only have a song from my past. From a dear friend. But I don’t want this to be connected to you.”

Zestia nodded awkwardly.

“But thank you for asking. I actually like how you play.”, Tierney admitted. Surprised at herself.

Zestia laughed a little in response: “The irony.”

“Why”

“Because I use the torments I bring upon others for my inspiration.”

Tierney raised her eyebrows and pressed her lips together. She tried to ignore it but then had a better idea. “Then play me mine.”, she demanded.

“What?”, Zestia asked, visibly bewildered.

“Play me mine.”, Tierney insisted.

“Uhm. Alright.”, she eventually agreed and started playing the first notes of the melody. Somehow the sharpest tunes didn’t feel right. And when she looked over the next time the Tiefling had fallen asleep.

Taglist: @yourlocalgaefae33, @princessofhe11 (Zestia is her DnD chararacter), @imnotamurdereripromise

[b22-4u]

One of the most humbling days of my life: the day before thanksgiving 2021

From what I remember it was just another day, I was doing some work in a new area for solar and one person at the end of the road got upset and called the cops for door knocking.

Like a few other times this has happened and the cops showed up, I was polite understanding all sides. The cop was nice and we had short talk for a moment. She took my id and when she put it over the radio they said something to her and well she’d then ask me to put my hands behind my back.

One of my first thoughts was “why now”

But that’s for another story.

I had failed to appear at court for a case almost 5 years prior (also another story) and it hadn’t shown up until now.

The drive to the jail wasn’t long in reality but it felt like a long time, I knew my job was going to find out and that sucked, I knew my family would find out and that wasn’t so bad, I knew what people would think. I knew they wouldn’t really ever get to know each he full story and honestly sometimes neither do I. But I know it better, so whatever they thought or you the reader may think, just knows there’s more to it than was appears on the surface.

I had dreamt of being in jail for years now, there’s something about being stuck that really just tickles my anxiety to all time highs. I had seen this day coming a million miles away and boom it was finally here. Later perspective would say I’m glad this day finally came.

I get to the jail, one thing to the next and I’m in a holding cell with 6 plus people. People transferring/ murderers /domestic abusers/ thief’s* inside with me. And we’ll I’m tiny 🐣 but I wasn’t scared of the people inside I was more afraid of what was waiting for me on the outside. The people inside were just people. The type of people I’d grown up around. But on the outside I had fucked up again and I know those closest to me at the time expected this as well. Now let’s back up real quick.

I’ve mad a million mistakes, I’ve done wrong and although I’d like to think im a good person I accepted that I probably wasn’t and needed to change the way I was. Anyone who’s ever thought this definitely knows it doesn’t happen the first day,week,month, year. It’s a process. A long drawn out mental process. And at the point of this story I had began to make a come back. (More details in another story) but I was in love and although I had a lot on my plate to fix, I began fixing the most important part. My MIND. This period was very crucial to my growth. There was still a billion things to fix but I was finally in the right direction. I had finally found the person I thought I was meant to be with, the problem was I knew I wasn’t ready. I bring this up because this person I looked up too, you know that feeling when you’d fuck up as a teen and you knew your parents would still love you but they would be soooo disappointed, well I didn’t have that for my parents but with her I did. This idea that someone would look at the mess I made and still come sit beside me helped me grow and understand that this life isn’t about me. It’s about those around you who will hold you up when your down. Who won’t let you just petty yourself, but hold you up and accountable. I’ll touch more on this another time getting back to the story.

If you didn’t know jail was definitely not meant for someone with adhd. In case you didn’t know. I paced that 10-12 cell with 4 rows (one broke) for 8 hrs and I get ptsd just writing this lol I’m a weenie but for real it wasn’t fun. I didn’t care that I was in jail, I cared that I made it this far just to collide back down and I let down the only person I looked up to at this point in my life The day before thanksgiving. I’ve been a million things, being the person who let someone down who believed in them was by far my least favorite thing. I felt humbled

-B 4/10/23

[sizzlyybacon]

FIRST DAY, 9/4/2024, Part 1 (7th)

i woke up at 6:00 A.M. and went to the bathroom with the lights off. after going number one, i went to wash my hands and decided to turn the lights on so i could just see better. (i REALLY regret that choice.) i pumped the soap on my hands and looked up to turn on the faucet and there was a HUGE FUCKING HOBO SPIDER THE SIZE OF MY HAND ON MY TOOTHBRUSH AND IT KEPT TWITCHING AROUND. so i called my dad in to kill it and scrambled out of the bathroom. i made some cup noodles, a sausage patty, and a cup of yogurt for breakfast. i wore my white baggy jeans with a black belt and my nirvana t-shirt over my smore-a-saurus rex long sleeve shirt that i bought to wear to the islandwood camp when we went to the bonfire. i finished up with everything i needed to do and spent the last ten minutes just checking around. my dad asked me if i wanted him to walk me to the bus stop and that it was fine if i said no because he didn't want me to get bullied by the older kids since that's what happened to him in middle school. i didn't know what to say and spent like five minutes juggling around if i should say yes because i DID want him to walk me or if i should say no because i would get bullied. in the end i changed my mind and we walked to the bus stop together. while we were leaving, elise called me multiple times asking me to tell her when i got on the bus since last year my stop was way before hers but this year her dad was saying the bus came at 8:05 A.M., while my schedule said 8:14 A.M. i just shrugged it off and told her i'd tell her when i got on. anyways, my dad thought the bus stop was just on the end of our street but i thought it was across the cross walk since that was where the same stop was last time, plus everybody else was there and i had confirmed with my 6th grader friend serenity (who lives on that corner) and she said that's the right stop. we walked over and it was super awkward and quiet. these two 8th graders josie and destined were talking and laughing up a storm with their friends on their phones so much it was almost like the whole actual friend group was there. the kid closer to me was named alister. i remembered him from he was a year below me in elementary, but i didn't say anything. suddenly a bus came even though we'd only been at the bus stop for like 5 seconds. we look at the number. 489. oof. 2 digits off. then ANOTHER came. 989. 511 digits off 💀 my dad pulled out his phone and a bunch of super crazy photographer poses to take photos of me on the first day. of course, i shriveled away in the corner and hid my face. after laughing about the images so a while, the silence got pretty awkward so my dad decided to leave. i said bye as he ran off back on the cross walk. elise texted me that she was on the bus, so i guess she did get on before me. meanwhile, to the left of me, destined and josie were freaking out because their friends got their old and new schedules mixed up so they thought the bus was supposed to come 14 minutes ago. they were confused and alister and i were too but we just waited it out. soon after, our bus came, but it was.... ACROSS the street. like my dad said. 😒👎. i saw my dad's car pull out the same time the bus did so he was a few cars behind it. he gave me the BIGGEST "i told you so" look. we BOLTED across the street, fumbling over each other as the bus stopped and let us on. i say good morning to the bus driver and thank him. two seconds later i make intense eye contact with elise and she's screaming and giggling and ushering me over. i sit next to elise who is in the second row. she hugs me and we're freaking out about the new bus route and just the first day in general. we're following a route somewhat similar to last year's and we turn to the right to a cafe. there is a HUGE group of kids, most of them being 6th graders. they almost take up 3 whole parking spots. bet that cafe will be mad about the business they lose 😭 since we have to pick up so many different kids who live in so many different areas of our neighborhood the route is just COMPLETELY different.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

DHSHSH sorry if it seems like I’m blowing up your inbox I fr just have shit memory…the way that I forget to add my anti-forgetting measure smh…I always end up leaving my notes open and then when I go back to use it to jot down something else it’s left on what I last wrote and I saw the ask and was like “wait a minute….” LMAO but omg the Mira rizz at it again…I’m glad you’re okay though??? That sounds really crazy LMAO DHSJSH bfb Karasu would’ve come in clutch but hope you’re feeling better now!! Manifesting some better party moments for you….bfb Karasu moment soon….

I’m not that into it either but I remember my feed being FLOODED at some point and all I could think was “god these guys have such atrocious haircuts…!!”

Omg wait snuffy getting aiku a girl…knowing snuffy I can imagine her being almost aikus opposite in terms of dating scene personality (?? I wish I could describe this better) and aikus like haha no way I’d ever actually like her…and then he gets the “oh shit” moment LMAO

SHDHSJS OHHHHH ok thank you for telling me I’ve only ever seen it used within goat LOL some abbreviations/acronyms also just fly over my head…I remember when I first saw you use “icl” I had to look it up LMAOOO but agreed though!!! HAHA RIN STEALING THE IDEA so real…Karasu and Otoya pull up to a reunion/friend meetup and see Hiori looking at a house blueprint and ask why he needs another house and he’s like “I’m trying to profess my undying love”

No because him being in all the nerdy classes is so real…him not realizing his own potential reminds me of the part in the egoist bible where he got confessed to with whiskey bon bons and he can’t tell if it was a prank or not (I wanna know more about that story too omg)

FR id never really thought about aiku period before your idea like…he was kinda just there playing a role in Ubers and the u20 match but tbh i didn’t really pay much attention to him before LOL

- Karasu anon

HAHA NO IT’S OKAY i love when my inbox is full it makes me feel very acknowledged 🤩 so never fear it’s like impossible for me to get annoyed by stuff like that…HAHA mira rizz back at it again but unintentional as always 😓 no fr it was lowkey scary looking back 😳 like in the moment we were way too drunk to be anything but like vaguely confused about why this guy had like flipped a switch and started threatening to call the cops on us (??) but in hindsight we’re probably lucky it didn’t escalate further 😭 it was so stupid too because he was genuinely mad at nothing but yeah what can you do 😫 no because i went to sleep in my makeup too and i woke up the next day like “wow karasu would NEVER let that slide” LMAOAO luckily i am much improved and will try to make up for my lack of writing now 😵 tbh it will probably take a lot for my friends to convince me to go out w them again i honestly don’t enjoy it THAT much i just feel bad always saying no yk plus then i get lowkey emo sitting at home while everyone is out and about

LMAOO no i agree they def have some interesting hairdos in bsd JFKSKS somebody tell kaiser and ness to pack it up and move fandoms 😭 their calling is clearly in whatever is going on in bsd…tbh i have no idea what the plot is because every time someone posts abt it it’s completely different but i’m sure kaiser will find his niche and thrive 💖

NO LITERALLY like snuffy introduces aiku to this quiet girl who’s never had a bf because she’s focusing on herself and wants to wait for “the right person” and aiku is like “LMAOOO LOSER ALERT 😂” and then one day he’s lying in bed about to fall asleep and he’s like “oh shit 😰”…calls an emergency conference with barou lorenzo aryu and sendou (the dream team) and is all “guys what do i do i feel all nervous around her and i don’t think other girls are hot anymore and i think about her before bed and and and—” and barou’s just like “you fucking donkey you have a crush on her 😒😐” HAHAH cue like a month of confused pining on aiku’s part meanwhile the dream team is just like done w his bullshit and snuffy is secretly cackling because it’s all going according to plan…meanwhile the reader is only dating aiku as a favor to snuffy so she doesn’t gaf but slowly he starts winning her over 🤔⁉️ maybe this will be the final entry in oliver aiku’s guide to getting girls like now HE’S the one getting the girl ykwim and there’s just random advice from various blue lockers thrown in there every now and again that mirrors how he helped them in their own universe (like he facetimes sae at one point and sae is like “STFU bro you’re in love w her” and hangs up w zero explanation or he meets up w tabieita and otoya is like “yo if you want to keep her maybe you should try to match her energy” HAHAHA) honestly i’m seeing the vision…i don’t even care about aiku like that he truly was a background character to me but it would be such a good way to wrap up the series even though all of the chapters take place in different universes (the OAEU — oliver aiku extended universe)

i am an abbreviation warrior but if you ever need me to explain one then lmk 😫 i find all of mine on tik tok/by being chronically online but there’s def a lot of times when i need urban dictionary assistance in explaining what i’m looking at LMAO 😭 and YESSSS hiori has like architectural plans laid out in front of him which makes tabieita be like WTF…and technically white butterfly could take place in the cherry tree/seabird universe so theoretically rin and hiori could’ve plotted together on how to “most efficiently” pine for their respective girls 😰 can you imagine like “okay i’m going to hang out on her university campus for an entire week until i see her again” “that COOKS bro i’m going to build her dream house in our hometown and hope she hears about it and comes to visit” “fire idea man 🔥”

omg yeahhh didn’t he get like six diff valentines that were just whiskey bonbons?? lowkey i would consider that a prank too especially as a teenage boy 😭 it’s like confusing to me which characters are and aren’t good looking in canon…like isagi pulled zero bitches pre-bllk and same with bachira and nagi BUT according to nagi’s ln girls do think he’s cute/attractive he’s just REALLY fucking weird so they stay away?? so whenever people are like “nagi’s canonically ugly” i’m like nooo he’s good looking just a freak 💔 and then i think rin is supposed to have gotten a lot of valentines but he rejected all of them…and fucking RAICHI got like 10 valentines ⁉️ wdym raichi got more than KARASU 🤔

100% aiku was just there to show up say random bullshit and then leave 😭 but he may have just made his mark on the miraverse LFGNDKSK honestly top ten greatest comebacks of all time if i end up writing the series

[riverthebooknerd]

guys finding out that easter is this weekend was the worst fucking feeling i'm in tears rn and i need to talk about why because it's killing me

(tws in the tags)

couple weeks back, i got into an argument with my mom. she started yelling at me for a very poor reason and said some shitty things to me that i don't really wanna get into. she never apologized. neither of us have talked about it since. in fact, she's determined to pretend like nothing happened, and has been treating me like normal. i'm still very, very angry with her. i mean, she called me selfish and said that i didn't care about anyone else just because i said that i didn't want to go do something with her after she suddenly sprung it on me (nothing inappropriate/sexual, she's a jerk but not THAT kind of jerk.)

it always hits hard when my mom says shit like that. the last time it happened, i didn't eat for three days because she made a comment about how i was "living in her house and eating her food that she bought with her own hard-earned money." so, it's a weird mix of anger/guilt, because i'm technically an adult (just turned 18 not too long ago), but i am still living in her house for free.

in all honesty, she's the main reason why i hate asking for things. i always try to do things myself because my mom would call me ungrateful and selfish. yada yada, emotional abuse, something something, childhood trauma, yada yada, mommy issues. you get the idea.

but every year on easter, my parents give me and my siblings big baskets of candy- plus, my mom makes a huge dinner.

let me reiterate: i am still mad at my mom. i'm furious. i think that what she said to/about me was completely uncalled for, and i want an apology. she's been trying to act like nothing happened, but i'm not, and everyone can tell.

i don't know what i'm gonna do tomorrow.

plus, my parents want me to go to church with them. i stopped going as soon as i turned 18- i'm not religious, and they've known that for a while. for the most part, they don't push. the last time i went to church was at christmas, because they made a big fuss about my brothers and sister in law going. they're probably going to make a big fuss tomorrow, too, and refusing to go is the kind of thing that my mom yelled at me a couple weeks ago for in the first place.

so, basically, my easter is gonna be fucking miserable. i'm gonna be dragged to church, sit through an uncomfortably long service with a pastor preaching things that i don't believe in, talk to people at church about jesus and salvation (as someone who is VERY noticeably queer) while trying not to clue them in on the fact that i'm an atheist (because then they'll get all "awww poor you, you just need to believe in the lord and your life will get better, you'll burn in hell, why did you turn your back on the lord," etc etc). then, i get to go home and avoid talking to my mom as much as i can during a small family reunion, somehow get through the day without starting another argument or unnecessary drama, because my parents would fucking kill me if i ruin the holiday for them. then i'll have to act all fucking happy and grateful when they give me a bunch of chocolate that i didn't ask for while i got them nothing in return because i'm broke and i don't want to give my mom anything anyways. and THEN i'll have to sit through a long, awkward family dinner, probably being utterly ignored the entire time just like i always am, and force myself to eat enough on my plate that it's not seen as "ungrateful." that's not even mentioning all the underhanded jokes that will most likely be sent my way the whole fucking time.

god. i hate easter.

[frogsandfries]

I think I need a chiro.

My back has been at least part of my migraines for years. I need my insurance info to know if it'll be covered. I don't mind if all they can do is manual adjustment or whatever.

My girl cat woke me up this time; she was mad that I'm hogging the new bed all to myself. My boy was having seemingly the time of his life sitting on the corner quietly, not moving, the hours that I slept.

I'm so bummed that I didn't, at the very least, like, get the spilled ink cleaned up or something.

I didn't get to take all this garbage out--I got several larges boxes with the mattress and the pillows, plus the desk garbage, the regular garbage, and the used litter all need to go out. It's just been so goddamn hot out after work and it's three flights down hhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhh and I haven't needed to take out the household garbage for years so it's definitely an adjustment.

Maybe if it's so difficult to do during work, I should try taking just some of it tomorrow before work. Just some. Plus, if my migraine relieves, it'll be good to get outside. I meant to today, since garbage takes up so much more of the space proportionally. You couldn't pay me to go outside with a migraine. You never realize how much light actually gets through cloud cover until you have a migraine--it's worse when there is no cloud cover.

I was so desperate for steak today, I ordered dinner. The medicine didn't want to be neighbors with fries, so that's all I got to eat before it came right back up. The meal came with crab and a roll, and butter sauce, so naturally, I made a sandwich! That I didn't get to eat.....I had to put it in the fridge. I think I'm going to make a solid grocery run this weekend, get some cheese for my stuffed rice balls aaaannnndddd......idk, maybe frozen chicken? A bowl of cut fruit? I feel like I need to justify being a fancy bitch and buying cut fruit, but look, I'm one freaking person. There's no way I'm eating a whole pineapple, and a whole cantaloupe, and a whole honeydew melon, plus a whole pint of strawberries, a whole pint of blueberries, and a whole pint of raspberries and/or blackberries--that's generally the fruit mix I purchase. First, that's like, ten times more money than I would spend for the bowl. Second, ten times more food than I would purchase and reliably eat. The fruit bowl is proportionally more expensive than the fruit itself, but the overall investment is less money and less waste. It maths. Plus, naturally, I'm buying more ensure. I should get some granola bars to snack on, maybe some more applesauce packets, definitely some rolled oats, more oatmilk. I have to set aside some money for another smoothie box.

Now that I'm up, the neighbors are back at it with their obscenely loud music at nearly ten in the evening 🙄. Somebody went off with a drill as I was laying down and I groaned and they seemed to stop, so I appreciate that.

My sister was like "stop staring at screens" and I'm like "that's literally how I pay the bills". Now she's arguing with me that I don't have good screen hygiene: look. I have matte screen protectors on my phone and tablet, currently my only devices. The monitors for work are matte. The last time I had a migraine at work, I turned down the brightness to 25%. The brightness on my phone is regularly about 25% or less. My phone and tablet also have yellow adjusters that cycle throughout the day. I'm doing the best I can. I really believe it's more, I just got this mattress. My back is probably fucked from sleeping on the couch and piles of blankets. Plus, I've always had back issues--I first really noticed them...... what was it, 2017 when I got my first ever sitting-down job? I had another incident in 2018, after sitting on a cement floor for what my body thought was too long.

[iconoclast-infidels]

That first glance upwards at him reminded him of the past. His mind started to reel back. She was there for the sprouting of his wings. That meant something hardcore to him. She was probably surprised he ever came back to this psuedo-home after that. He was certain the day it happened he was never going back. He didn't believe he could. He was going to be on his own forever.

Bars on his window.

"Yeah well...." He trailed off as his recollections took over. "You know."

He still had a way of clamming up on the subject matter even though she was basically the only person outside the band he could be honest with. Not completely honest though. Not with them. He still only kept things vague with Charity Case. They weren't together talking like the Monster Squad. But it was in his late teens he'd have learned the supernaturals exist. It was all very hush hush and conspiracy theory level conversations. But, Luka had seen the full him, the him he didn't even know he was. Plus, time had passed and he'd grown.

She'd apparently come back in time to a point in the timeline he remembered vital parts of their relationship. He was getting older. It wasn't like the first onset of puberty and all his powers were uncontrolled and unknown. Now they were known, just still uncontrolled. This was the era he was starting to try and search everything he could about his mother. Not much info there. He'd be in AIM chat rooms trying to find leads on stories he'd heard, but had no access or funds to travel and follow those leads. He was still too young. Old enough to gain knowledge but too young to do anything about it.

"Egress." He repeated. "You always were a smart cookie. I'll remember that. Then I'll light a fire just to prove a point." He came over closer and flipped his amp off before sitting. He looked over her white hair. "A frosted one." He even reached for the end of her hair as he said it and gave a small lock a little twirl with subtle flirtatious eyes. He missed her and he couldn't help it. She was kinna pretty when she looked all careworn like that like there was something behind her eyes she wasn't saying. At this age he simply took it as I wonder if she's into me? She does keep coming back. "We'll see what the Faux-Momma does."

His face was full of mischief already planning a what would you choose situation putting the foster's worldly possessions in the path versus himself, maybe another kid? Nah, that was too far. Nico wasn't that kind of evil. But, he wasn't beyond being the sort to test the foster's love just to see if he's actually cared for, wondering if they do it just to get paid.

He kept having flashes of her going out to get him supplies while he was stuck hidden in a dangerous squat somewhere scared to go out into public not knowing how to put his wings back in. Actions like that got to a guy.

"Russia huh? What do they got that we ain't got?"

But, before Luka could answer Nico's running mouth was less careful than it was when he was older. Flattering or offensive? Very probably both.

"You ever decide to move around here hit me up. Maybe I'd dump my girlfriend and ask you out. I'd totally step out for a girl like you. Hate that long distance shit though. Fuck that."

It was an obnoxious thing to say, but he said it with no silliness, so matter of fact. Like even at that age it was the beginnings of Nico trying to tell it like it is, or was according to him. Cards on the table.

And as for Charity Case. "Nah. They won't give a fuck. There's no telling who they'll bring."

Nico was the sort to hang in herds of punks at that age. It didn't mean he liked them all or even knew them all, but it was fall in the 2000's. This was the time of ditching the house at night and drinking Mad Dog in the forest and creating bonfires. It was walking the train tracks era, playing chicken drunk, and skateboarding in the pipes hidden in the woods with new graffiti whenever someone got cans. This seemed to be a given for where their nights would end no matter where their plans began.

"So, I can bring whoever I want too. Up to you. Your choice. Did you have plans?"

"You're welcome," she'd say to Jodi after being thanked for the money. Luka didn't notice the girl observing her as she lingered at Nico's door and then entered the room, though. That wasn't really what she was paying attention to in the moment.

She was well amused by Nico's commotion behind the door. It wasn't like even older Nico was the tidiest person in the world, really. Some level of disaster was normal and she was used to it. Her space was only ever better after 3 a.m. manic cleaning sprees, really. Otherwise? Also a disaster, but not a terrible one. It was important to know where stuff was, after all, and that she did always maintain. The underlying structure to the mess was what kept it from spiraling, usually.

The locks were new, she noticed that too. Those weren't surprising either. Nico did not like intrusion. It was why she hadn't even bothered to try the knob; she'd gone for the knock as a way to announce her presence there while still respecting his privacy. This was far more care than she usually had about it, too, accounting for Nico's age and the different nature of their relationship. With older Nico, the door was seldom closed to begin with, given that they mostly had no one around to bother them anyway, and she knew she was always welcome to barge in. In fact, encouraged.

"The one and only," she'd grin when he opened the door. His sudden joy was contagious. It's true, she was still upset all the same, but even then she could feel moments of happiness, wonder, relief.

She walked into his room, curiously glancing around (without making too much a big deal out of it) just to see what it looked like, what had changed, what was the same. She spotted, of course, the guitar haphazardly tossed aside, still plugged in to the amplifier. She also could hear the buzz from the speaker, always picking up some noise despite no actual notes coming from it. She noticed Nico's own mess piles, and she noticed the windows.

"Keep you from sneaking out? Impossible."

"Tell ya a secret, though," she said, lowering her voice and grinning with mischief. "Tell them it's a means of egress in case of fire; they'll have to take it down. Veeda cares too much to let you roast. If not, threaten to call the fire marshall, they take that real serious... I bet you won't have to, though. Means of egress, remember that." She was not beyond enabling Nico some chaos, and technically, she was actually doing him good by preventing a tragedy. Nico had never mentioned a fire, but that was besides the point. Who was she to turn a blind eye when fire safety violations were so obvious? Not her, nope. She didn't make the rules, after all.

From Nico, she didn't mind being looked over, not like that, not in any way at all. Nico had permission, Nico was welcome. She returned the gesture playfully, having fun with the interaction.

"Missed me, did'ya? I've been around. Russia, this time," she answered in full honesty, but with the right intonation so that Nico could take it as a joke if he wanted to. He would perhaps not believe her, she figured, what with Eurasia being so damn far away. Still, she had an extra bit of money she could offer him as proof if he wanted it, and as a keepsake, too.

"The band, huh? Haunted houses sounds fun, they won't mind me tagging along, right? Was hoping to hang out with you."

The band. She couldn't remember all of their names, but if there was anyone she remembered, it was Billie, in the band. Murmur, dammit. She'd have to figure something out, about that. At least with her around, Murmur would know Nico had someone watching? Would he even recognize her? Did he experience time linearly? She had no clue, but she wasn't about to underestimate that demon. Out of all of them, that one had proven himself clever, if anything. Dammit.

[midgardianweasley]

hiii i love your fics so much omg! anyway, i have a request that i've been daydreaming about that haha: nat and r get into a really big fight about smth (anything but cheating pls my heart won't be able to take that) and r kind of shuts down, and wanda & carol become super protective of her and follow her everywhere making sure she's ok. (and they're also glaring at nat any chance they get) but then nat comes into r's room one night and apologizes and they make up and snuggle and its soft hours

thank you so much! and of course lovely! here you go<33

Priorities

Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Summary: Natasha has been missing date nights, leaving Y/N embarrassed for the final time. When confronted, an argument unfolds, but can they come back from it?

Word Count: 4.6k

Warnings: some swearing, some self-neglect

Message/ask if you’d like to be added to the taglist! <3

“Another drink, miss?” The waiter in a smart, black tux asked you for the second time this evening, a part of you felt that it was out of pity as you sat alone at a table for two, and had been for the last two hours.

You were supposed to be meeting your girlfriend tonight for date night, you got all dressed up, makeup applied and hair styled perfectly, which had taken forever, only to be stood up. You wouldn’t have overly minded if this was a first occurrence, you would’ve brushed it off and rescheduled for another night. Which is what you had done, two missed date nights ago.

This was your third night of sitting alone in a crowded, candlelit restaurant as couples around you glanced over with a sympathetic gaze, which had only made you feel worse. Your girlfriend should be here. ‘Natasha should be here’, you thought. You looked up at the kind waiter, giving him a gentle smile before shaking your head.

“No, thank you. I think I'm calling it a night.” You spoke as you hurried to gather your things and get out of there as soon as possible, trying to hold back tears that you refused to let fall, not in front of all of these strangers. You hated this. You hated feeling so exposed. So vulnerable. You couldn’t help but feel anger bubble inside of you, thoughts of Natasha being the only thing currently plaguing your mind, most along the lines of; ‘What was her excuse this time?’ ‘Who is she with instead?’, but, there was one in particular that you couldn’t help but focus on.

‘She promised.’

You hadn’t realised you were crying until you were in the taxi, catching a glimpse of yourself in the rearview mirror when the driver had adjusted it slightly to see the cars behind you, in the process, you’d also caught her eyebrows raise in concern and it wasn’t long before she started conversation.

“You okay back there?”

You laughed somewhat bitterly, but it wasn’t towards her. “Nothing I can't handle.”

Your response didn’t seem to settle her worry as she turned quickly and shot you a sad smile before returning her eyes to the road.

“Boy troubles?”

“Girl.” You rubbed your face, trying to rid yourself of any tear stains that may be lingering and messing up your once really pretty makeup. Not that it really mattered at this point.

“Ah, been there.” She held up her left hand, showing you the shimmering diamond on her finger. “The wife and I have had our fair share of arguments and fallouts, some of them included a situation like this one.”

“Crying in the backseat of a taxi?”

“Crying in the backseat of a taxi.” She laughed lightly, making you smile for the first time tonight.

“It had always worked out though, we’ve never been stronger.”

“Congratulations.” You looked towards the woman “I hope I could be so lucky.” You mumbled, though still loud enough for her to hear. You were mad at Natasha, more disappointed really, but you still loved her, dangerously so. She could stand you up for another 50 dates, and you’d still be head over heels. Angry, but your love would never falter.

“I’m sure you will be. If there’s one thing I've learned over the years, it’s that things have a way of falling into place eventually.”

Pondering her words, you looked out of the car window and noticed that you were pulling up to Stark Tower. It wasn’t long before the car came to a complete stop, the woman turning round to you and beginning to speak again.

“You’ll be okay. It’s obvious you love her, okay? Speak to her. I’m sure it’ll be alright.” She looked at you with nothing but kindness in her eyes, which you did your best to return with a smile. You reached into your purse, handing her the money owed, plus a tip.

“Thank you for the help.”

“Don’t worry about it, go get her.” She winked as you got out of the car and watched her drive away, quickly taking yourself inside to avoid freezing to death as the cold wind blew harshly. Kicking your heels off, you set off with one task at hand. Talk to Nat.

__________________________

“Hey, have any of you guys seen Nat?” You addressed some members of the team who were hanging out in the Kitchen, fixing themselves a snack or just conversing with one another. The second they looked up and took in their appearance, you could’ve sworn their faces paled and saddened slightly as if they knew what had happened.

“I think I saw her head off to train a while ago, but I'm not sure if she’s still there.” Carol replied, her face morphing into one of seriousness. She knew about the missed dates, having found you one night looking completely defeated in one of your nicest dresses and heels. She, alongside Wanda, who had found you both later that night, had spent their night comforting you and reassuring you that she probably hadn’t meant it. They didn’t know what to do, they’d never seen you look so sad before, no matter how much you told them it was okay, the pang in their chest for their best friend hadn’t ceased.

You nodded, quietly thanking Carol and wandered off in search for your girlfriend.

It didn’t take long, she was still training when you’d walked into the gym, sweat practically pouring off of her. Your heart softened briefly when you saw her, her fiery red hair tied back into a ponytail with loose strands all over the place, wearing a black t-shirt, grey sweatpants and a deadpan face as she attacked the dusty punching bag with such force that you’re surprised it hasn’t flown off of the chains yet.

She hadn’t noticed you had walked in, still giving all of her focus to her punches. Maybe she just hadn’t heard you?

“Hi Nat.”

Nothing.

“Nat”

All you could hear was the furious rattling of chains, still not getting a response from the redhead. With a sigh, you decided to try another approach. You stepped closer to her, still keeping a little distance, and leaned forward to tap her shoulder, instantly grabbing her attention. She flung herself around, arm still in midair, her closed fist almost coming into contact with your face.

You don’t know what you expected when she turned around and finally acknowledged your presence, but you definitely didn’t expect to be met with a scowl.

“Seriously? in the middle of training? I could’ve hit you.” She huffed as she turned back to her previous position.

“Sorry. I just wanted to come in and talk to you.”

“About?”

You paused, expecting her to look at you again, but she didn’t.

With a small sigh, you continued. “you missed date night again. I waited for you, but you were a no show.”

“Right, yeah, date night” she muttered, seeming to be unfocused as her eyebrows furrowed and her head kept darting around the room, looking anywhere but at you. “I’ll make the next one.”

“This is the third one you’ve missed this month.” You said firmly, wanting her to understand that this can’t keep happening, of course cancellations or rearrangements were bound to happen sometimes, but she’s just not showing up and then leaving you in the dark as to knowing why.

“I told you, i’ll make the next one.” She walked over to the bench, picking up her water bottle and taking a swig of water, looking directly at you, you look back at her and she just looks so, unbothered.

“I don’t believe you, Nat. You say you’ll make it up to me and then I sit there again, hoping that you’ll be there this time, but you don’t turn up. And now I come back and you’re just training. Could it not have waited? Was that seriously more important?” You raised your voice now, all the anger and frustration you’d felt earlier coming back up to the surface.

You just wanted an explanation, or something to justify how she was acting, but she gave you nothing, not even an attempt, only adding fuel to the fire.

“Why are you getting so annoyed? You should know better than anyone that this is my job.”

“I just explained that to you! Which is more than what you’re giving me right now.”

“Okay, fine, forgive me for not making everything about you for a minute.” She spat bitterly towards you, her temper starting to go as the discussion became more heated.

“Seriously? That’s how you’re seeing this?” If you weren’t so unbelievably irritated, you would’ve laughed at her response.

“You’re being selfish. So I missed a date or two, you’re blowing this out of proportion once again, it’s infuriating.” Selfish?

You raised both your hands, as if in surrender. It was one thing to ditch you, it was another thing to then insult you for speaking up about it. With a tight lipped smile, oozing with sarcasm, you decided that you’d had enough.

“I don’t need to listen to this.”

She shrugged her shoulders, adjusting the gloves she’d just put on. “Then don’t, i’m busy anyways.”. This time, you did laugh.

“What a fucking surprise.”. And with that, you turned on your heels and walked out, hearing the echo of punches fill the room once again, every one feeling like a punch to the stomach.

Maybe these are things falling into place, just not the place you’d hoped.

________________________

You were still in bed at noon the next day, unable to bring yourself to get up and face the world. You didn’t need to worry about anything in the confinement of your bed, even more so considering it wasn’t the bed you shared with Natasha.

After speaking, well, arguing with her last night, you went straight to your shared bedroom, gathered some clothes and your essentials, and slept in your old room that you used to stay in before the two of you started dating. It felt wrong. You always spent your nights with a warm feeling of love washing over you as your girlfriend pressed kisses all over your face, tangling your limbs together in the process.

It wasn’t the same. You felt cold, a type of cold that no heating or blankets could solve. You lacked a weight on your waist, fingertips stroking the skin that was exposed due to your top riding up slightly. Instead, the only comfort you had was the small bear you’ve kept for the las year. It was one that Natasha had given you after she won it at the funfair on your third date, and you could never bring yourself to part with it, remembering how happy she looked when she handed it to you, and the butterflies you felt just from seeing her look so pleased.

The bear was a little worn and torn now, it had been ripped in a couple of places, now replaced with a little sewn on patch of material that didn’t exactly match the shade of brown, and one of the eyes had started to fall off, but you liked that it was different. The assassin had tried to offer to replace it and buy you a new one, but you’d always refuse, insistent that you would keep that bear with you for the rest of time. Even now, when the two of you weren’t speaking, you still held onto it with a death-tight grip.

A knock on the door snapped you out of your daydream.

“Y/N, open up, It’s me.” A familiar voice shouted through. Carol.

“And me!” Wanda.

You heard some muttering outside of the door, something along the lines of Carol suggesting they break the door down, immediately being told that it was unnecessary by the Sokovian. Feeling pretty against the idea of having a doorway with no door, you called out for them.

“Guys, it’s unlocked.” You were quiet, but it was clear that they had heard you as the faint talking stopped altogether and you heard them walk in and shut the door behind them with a ‘click’.

Wanda was the first to approach you, kneeling down beside the bed so that she was at eye level with you, pulling the bed covers down a little to uncover more than your forehead. Once she could see your eyes and nose, she sent you a warm smile.

“Hi sleepy. It’s noon.”

“I know.” She frowned when she heard you speak, your voice raspy from your crying through the night. She hated seeing you like this, she loved both you and Natasha, and it hurt to see you so sad because of the woman you adored.

“We should go and eat something, it’ll help.”

“‘M not hungry.” You pressed your head further into the pillow, the last thing you wanted to do was eat, your stomach already feeling like it was twisting with every minute that passed.

“C’mon, i’ll make you your favourite.” the blonde winked, leaning against your wardrobe.

“Your special pancakes?”

“With extra whipped cream.” She sang, playfully trying to encourage you to leave the bed. You had to hand it to her, she knew you too well.

WIth a brief look between the two, you rubbed your eyes and threw the covers off dramatically, sighing and ensuring that they knew you didn’t approve of this. They knew you were joking, even if you weren’t, all they cared about was making sure you were okay, knowing that when you felt like this, being left alone allows you to neglect yourself and get really low. They don’t mind if you dislike them for a little while, as long as you are looked after.

“There we go! Well done.” Wanda stroked your back and led you towards the door where Carol held it open for you.

“No breaking it down behind my back.” You shot towards her, slightly amused at the guilty look on her face as she realised you’d heard her quarrel beforehand. Shaking her head, she nudged you out of the door, and the three of you made your way into the kitchen.

_______________________

Carol had stuck to her promise of preparing a sweet treat for you, a stack of fluffy pancakes sat in front of you, topped with whipped cream and two cherries on top. You ate slow, still a little cautious of how stable your stomach felt. You could see your two friends talk with one another, not wanting to stare and make you uncomfortable, but occasionally looking over silently to check in on you.

You were feeling pretty content as you sat at the counter, munching away with the two avengers for company. It was only when you heard a voice that you could recognise anywhere.

“Hi guys.”

Not daring to look up, you ket your eyes focused on the food in front of you, hoping that if you just stay quiet, you’ll be invisible to the human eye.

“Hey Nat.”

“Hi.”

Wanda and Carol replied, wary of any interaction between the pair of you that could unfold into something neither of you wanted or that would lead to any regrets.

You lifted your head slightly, able to see the daggers Carol was throwing at Nat, not impressed with her being in the room. You both had always been quite close, often talking about life before becoming superheroes that protect the planet, in her case, planets. In the process, she’d found herself having a soft spot for you, wanting to protect you from anything that could bring you harm. Which you were grateful for, but her glaring was terrifying sometimes, you were more grateful for the fact that her powers weren’t in her eyes, otherwise you would’ve definitely become single five minutes ago.

You could see Natasha out of the corner of your eye, she was filling up the bottle she used for when she was training, her eyes weren’t on what she was doing, instead, she was trying to subtly look up at you through the hood of her eyes. You subconsciously took the opportunity to really take in her appearance.

Her hair hadn’t been tended to since you last saw her, half of it was hanging out of her ponytail, most of it falling in front of her face. Her eyes looked glassy and bloodshot, like she had been crying recently and you could’ve sworn that was your t-shirt she was wearing. The sight sent a wave of sadness over you, wanting nothing more than to leap over the counter and pull her into your arms and tell her things were fine, that the two of you were fine. But you stayed seated, too nervous to make a move.

You didn’t know it, but she regretted speaking to you last night, instantly realising what she’d done after she came back to her room to find it empty and half of your stuff gone. She knew immediately where you’d gone and would’ve gone through to talk it through with you, but she didn’t think it would help. She wanted you to have your time and space before approaching the situation.

With that, she tightened the lid on her bottle, sent you an apologetic smile and walked out of the room, leaving behind an awkward atmosphere in her absence.

“You alright?” Wanda asked

“Yeah, yeah no I'm okay. I’m feeling a little tired though, I'll catch you guys in a bit, okay?” You stood from your seat, not giving either of the two a chance to stop you as you walked out and back to bed. What a day.

_______________________

Hours had gone by now and you were back wrapped up under your bed covers, still clinging onto your bear. You hadn’t bothered to change, you went straight to bed after walking in the door. You’d managed to get some sleep earlier, not a lot, but it was something.

You tossed and turned, trying to find any way of being comfortable so your body could rest and your mind could shut off, but it was deemed to be impossible. All you could think about was your argument with Nat, and how she looked so upset earlier. The thought alone triggered the waterworks again, this time, you didn’t even attempt to stop them.

Only a couple of minutes had passed before there was yet again, another knock on your door. You rolled your eyes, really not wanting any more visitors, you were grateful for the help, but you really wanted to be alone.

“Guys, I’m fine! It’s late, get some sleep.” You called out, waiting to hear retreating footsteps, but they never came. Huh. That’s weird? You brushed it off quickly, assuming that it must’ve just been too quiet to hear, which you wouldn’t put past you due to all the sniffling you’ve been doing in an attempt to silence your crying.

You were wrong. The person at your door hadn’t walked away. They also weren’t Wanda or Carol. Instead, it was who you least expected to be in your room at god knows what time at night after the events that had unfolded recently.

“Hi.” The redhead whispered, worrying that if she spoke any louder, you’d be able to hear her voice shake with nerves, or the huge lump in her throat that wouldn’t budge.

You froze on the spot when you realised who it was, not entirely sure how you were gonna play this. Realistically, you might as well just see what it is she wants, it couldn’t hurt, could it?

“Hey.”

Her footsteps were practically silent but still felt deafening as she stepped closer to you, cringing slightly at how tense and forced all of this felt. It was her fault, she knew that, she hoped you did too. She didn’t want you blaming yourself for her actions, although she couldn’t say anything if you did, she was the one who had insulted you and planted the thought in your head, and she felt every fibre in her body beg for you to forgive her.

Approaching with caution, she walked up to the top of the bed, kneeling where Wanda had been earlier, but unlike Wanda, she didn’t reach out for you. She didn’t feel she had the right. Not now. She quickly took note of your eyes and how they were drooping and red, just like how hers had been earlier, which is how she could know in an instant that you had just been crying. She felt like a knife had gone through her chest at the sight, knowing that she had done that to you. She’d let you down so much that it had brought you to laying in bed alone and crying.

You mumbled something incoherent, completely muffled by the covers that were blocking your mouth.

“Sorry, I couldn’t hear you through the cover, could you tell me that again?”

You looked down a little, debating on doing it or just asking her to leave this conversation for another day. ‘But, she was already here, so you may as well get on with it.’ you thought, and with that, you tugged the covers down a little, letting Natasha see your full face now, unable to stop a tiny hint of a smile creeping up on her face. Your nose was runny, your eyes were puffy, and your face was flushed, but that didn’t change the fact that she still believed you to be the most beautiful woman she’d seen.

“Has something h-happened?” You hiccuped, noticing the frown take over her features as she maintained her eye contact with you.

“Yeah. i was a complete idiot.”

“Nat-”

“No, no, please. I want to explain. I need to explain. Please?” She pleaded, not caring how desperate she might’ve looked.

You paused for a minute before sighing gently, nodding at her and giving her a non-verbal go ahead to continue. She took a deep breath, looking away for a second then looking back at you before you could even blink. You could see her hands tremble a little, and while you were upset with her, you couldn’t leave it alone. You reached your hand out from under the cover and held it out to her, offering it for her to hold. She grabbed it without hesitation, squeezing it gently as a single tear fell, gathering the courage to say her next words.

“I have no excuse for what I did. There is nothing I could say that would make my actions plausible or acceptable, I shouldn’t have treated you like that or said what I did, and I understand if you can’t forgive me, or don’t want to. But I needed-, no, I need you to know, I'm sorry. I’m so sorry, Y/N. You deserve better.”

More tears had fallen down her face at this point, her thumb not ceasing in their circular movements on the back of your hand. She didn’t know if this was going to be the last time she felt your hand in hers, so with every circle, she was savouring the moment, no matter how badly she wished it was under different circumstances.

You shuffled a little so you were in a more upright position, hoping that it would make speaking easier. You’d taken in every word, and while you were hurt, extremely hurt, you saw how remorseful she was. Her face showed no sign of humour or like she was lying. You could always tell when she was lying, her eyebrow always twitched a little, which you would always be in stitches about when she tried to say she didn’t eat your last cookie and her eyebrows would be moving like mad. They were as still as stone when she was speaking this time.

“You really hurt me, Nat. I didn’t think I was asking for much, just some time with you, that was all. And you left me every time, for work and with no notice. It was embarrassing.” She nodded in acknowledgement as she listened. “A-and then to come back and witness you being so, so, hostile, with me, I didn’t understand what I'd done.”

She gulped audibly before speaking again. “You hadn’t done a thing. Not a thing. I-I threw myself into work, into training. The last mission, I was sloppy, I wasn’t on my A game, it almost ended up with other people seriously hurt. So I thought-” She took a shaky breath in. “I thought, if I trained harder, It would mean I would be better for the next mission. But I disregarded everything else on the radar, including you, and then I got so mad at myself for it that I ended up taking it out on you instead. You don’t have a selfish bone in your body, and it was out of order for me to ever say so. It was wrong, and I don’t think I can apologise enough.`` She gave you an apologetic smile, tears streaming down her face steadily now.

“You know, when I came home from the restaurant, I had this driver.” You smiled. “Nice woman, she’s got a wife. She was telling me that it wasn’t easy for them. They had their ups and downs, their fights and bitterness. But they always found their way back to each other.” You whispered so softly that if there was any other noise in the room, Natasha wouldn’t have heard a word.

“And, when we argued, I really didn’t think we were going to be able to come back from that. I thought that maybe our time had expired.” You sniffled, your own tears trailing their way down your cheeks. Without thinking, she wiped them away, her palm pressing onto your warm cheek as you nuzzled into it, still finding comfort in her touch.

“I don’t want us to expire, Nat.”

There it was. There was the sentence that turned silent tears into fully body wracking sobs, your hands instinctively going to pull away and cover your face, instead, Natasha brought herself up to sit on the side of your bed, hastily bringing you into her chest and her free hand combing its way through your hair.

She rocked you back and forth, letting you get everything out of your system, no matter how much it hurt to hear.

“Shh, I’ve got you. I’m so sorry, moya lyubov.”

Your sobs soon died down with Nat’s help, sobs turning into faint pants with how tired you were and how much energy it had taken out of you. You looked up at her softly, as she smiled down at you.

“I love you, Natty.” You murmured, the words making the assassin’s heart grow fonder for you, if that was ever possible.

“I love you more.”

“Can you stay with me tonight? I can’t sleep without you.”

“Of course. Anything for you.” She leaned over you, bringing the blankets back up and over you, catching a glimpse of some brown fur among the darkness. She knew exactly what it was. She picked up up with the blankets and handed it to you, happiness overtaking her as she saw your eyes light up at the teddy she won for you.

“Thank you.”

“No, thank you, Detka.” She pressed a kiss to your temple before settling down, holding you tight in her grasp, refusing to let you go for anything or anyone, not that you were complaining, you’d missed this.

Nothing had to be decided tonight, there was no rush for discussion. Sure, there were still things to talk through and work out, but that can wait. All that mattered right now, was that Natasha was there. She was holding you in her arms and you felt every ounce of love and apology she could give you. And that was enough for now.

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