#plus also how different my mom and dad’s assessments of me were

[comas-are-for-sleeping]

my like. official autism screening or whatever said so many times “[redacted] is very willing to learn coping skills” which. i said i was. i was not. lowkey am still not. of the full belief i will figure it out on my own being told how to do things actually just makes it all worse for me

but LMAO like i rlly successfully lied to a therapist

[elisalami]

just watched bocchi the rock again : DDD

I might've dropped the series around episode 3 the first time I checked it out because I didn't fully resonate with its message.

But after giving it a chance for the 2nd time around after watching this video essay on the difference between a lonely and a loner, I just realized how much I actually feel for Bocchi and her struggles with social anxiety.

I've always mentioned how much of a social introvert I could be, however, with me having random panic attacks around people, it can be very troubling in social situations. There are days when I'm unusually highly energetic and my mouth and body wouldn't stop being loud for some reason; no signs of shaking or stuttering because I'm actually enjoying being in that flow state but there are times when I just can't move and my mind just telling me to stop and take a step back when I want to move forward.

When I got my basic psychological assessment last year, I remember the psychologist telling me that the anxiety will never fully go away and all I can do is to manage the emotions calmly. In a loud and crowded environment such as my college, it gets a little hard especially when it's difficult to reach out and isolate to recollect my thoughts.

I never got the second assessment and I have been considering since, but am just refraining because of financial issues. Regular counseling and psychotherapy with a clinical psychologist can be very pricey for a college student. Plus, it's very difficult to mention such requests to my mom and dad when both of them tend to dismiss even slight mentions of these mental struggles as "short-lived" and can be "easily overcame", I guess this also partly due to the fact that we can't afford it (in the Philippines' economy? Yeah). It's difficult to tell them reasons because they might interrogate me (most of the reasons I got issues were because of people they know and I don't want any relationship falling apart all because my brain is unstable)

Another reason why I find it difficult to mention it is because if ever I were to take the second assessment, I wanted one of them to accompany me solely because I'd feel more at ease if it were my parents than if my partner would. (Like how a kid would be more at ease if their parents were there for them on their 1st day of school)

Seeing Bocchi outgrow her fears by finding solace in her comfort people is something I'm yet to see in my life. Maybe I wouldn't even need therapy if I found peace somewhere along the way.

[shadow-sovereign]

Hello! It's Lullaby yet again! This time I was inspired by Ruby's Closed Gate idea. What if after the Gates close, the Temple teleport to its location in Chaos world and this location was close to where Il-Hwan currently was? They meet, exchange stories, and father-son duo starts training to overthrow the Monarchs.

It took me a moment to remember which idea that was, but it’s where Jin-Woo gets stuck inside that first Double Dungeon. Instead of waking up in the hospital, he’d wake up in the Chaos World. It has a lot of potential for being wildly different than canon.

But if he was able to meet up with his dad inside the chaos world, it also has a chance to be quite the feel-good story. A father-son reunion, fighting monsters together, sharing stories. Jin-Woo can tell him all about what’s been happening since he disappeared. How Jin-Ah has been, silly family antics, all that.

But there would be angst in the form of his mom being in a coma and now Jin-Ah is by herself!

The knowledge of that weighs heavily on them, while also lighting a fire under their feet. They need to get strong enough to get out of this place and return home.

Considering how Jin-Woo disappeared, I think the Association would keep paying for his mother’s medical bills for a while, perhaps as long as Go Gun-Hee is the Chairman. It’s both a sense of guilt and good PR.

An E-rank Hunter dying in a dungeon that unexpectedly had an S-ranked Double Dungeon in it? I think that would shake people’s trust in the Hunter’s Association, who are supposed to be responsible for assessing a gate’s rank. By continuing to pay for his mother’s hospital bills, it’s like the Hunter’s Association is taking responsibility.

As for Jin-Ah, there’s no mention of extended family in canon, so she’d be at risk of going into the foster system. However, Song Chi-Yul or Lee Ju-Hee might feel guilty enough about Jin-Woo’s death to take her in. Whether they know about her situation is another matter, but perhaps a member of the Hunter’s Association could ‘accidentally’ let it slip.

Song Chi-Yul was a C-rank Hunter, plus a fire mage, so he should make enough to help support another person. And Lee Ju-Hee may be retiring as a Hunter, but she could probably get work at a hospital. Jin-Ah would be in good hands with either one of them.

And it would certainly help Jin-Woo’s distrust of people if he came back to find that his sister was taken care of and the Hunter’s Association still paying his mother’s hospital bills. Proof that not all of humanity is terrible.

Though, how would people react to them when they came out of the gate? In canon, Hwang Dong-Su declared Il-Hwan a monster because Jin-Woo had killed his brother and he was holding a grudge. But maybe with Jin-Woo’s power, they’ll be able to control where they end up and come out of a gate in Korea. Then they can give a report directly to the Hunter’s Association. Go Gun-Hee is a more reasonable person.

I’m not sure where in the timeline they’d end up appearing. If they appeared after Jeju Island, that means both the Japanese and Korean Hunters would be dead. I’m sure one of the National Ranked Hunters would have had to step in to take care of Beru after that, but it would definitely be a darker timeline if all the other Korean S-rank Hunters were dead.

Instead, let’s say that either they arrive in time, or the Jeju island raid is pushed back for some reason. To prove his trustworthiness, Jin-Woo goes on the raid with Korea and Japan and manages to save them all from Beru. (Because I like fix-its and I don’t like it when Goto dies, even in stories where I’m not pairing the two of them together. It was a tragedy of the highest order that the author made the strongest Hunters in Japan into canon fodder.)

Anyway, they’d prove their identities, deal with Jeju Island, deal with the Monarchs, and save earth. Then have a happily ever after. The end.

(A bit of an abrupt end, but I don’t have any more ideas, and it’s taken me too long to reply to this as it is. So, here you go! Hope you liked my ramblings.)

[masterweaverx]

RWBY Parents from Best to Worst

That’s right, everybody, I’m a-going to rank how terrible these people are to and for their kids! For the sake of covering as many parents as I can, I am defining ‘parent’ as either ‘legal guardian’ or ‘the one that gave birth to you’, and excluding relationships that are explicitly something else. That does mean that we’re going to miss out on some very important people, though, so before we begin, let’s have some Honorable Mentions!

Yang Xiao Long and Winter Schnee: Professional Momsisters

“That’s why big sisters come first, to protect the ones that come after.” I don’t know who said that to these two, if anybody actually did, but it’s a quote that most definitely applies to them. Not only would they take a bullet (or a sword, or a fireball) for their younger siblings, they took the time out to give them affection and training that they needed when their own parents weren’t quite doing the job. If I absolutely had to rank one of them as the better momsister, I’d say Yang, but that’s really only because Yang had less to deal with overall; a depressed single dad not being able to pull himself together just doesn’t stack up with an abusive powermonger, a self-loathing drunkard, and all the institutional bigotry and pressure of Atlas. Plus, you know, Winter went into the military for a bit. Still, pretty good track record considering!

Klein Sieben: Doing the work of seven good dads

Look, there is only one reason Klein wasn’t listed before the momsisters, and that reason is that he is technically the hired help (and could therefore become the fired help). He is, hands down, a better surrogate parent than Yang and Winter, providing guidance and care to all the Schneeblings and very effectively undoing the damage Jacques Gele (HE DOES NOT GET TO BE CALLED SCHNEE!) did to them. And he even helped out Willow! If he was allowed to do more, he would absolutely be My Real Dad of the year.

Qrow Branwen: “The only one that gets to be sad in this house is me!”

Qrow has a lot of flaws. Like, so so many flaws. As Yang said in a noncanon spinoff, he’s cool but not exactly a role model. Thing is, you don’t have to be a role model to be a good parent--you just have to make sure your kids (or nieces in this case) get good advice and the opportunity to grow into the best versions of themselves they can be. And when Qrow’s not beating himself up or drowning his sorrows, he’s actually very good at helping Yang and Ruby. Honestly the only reason he’s not on the actual list is because he’s technically not a parent.

Uncle Copper: Adopting a blind kid automatically makes you cool

So here we have a character that appeared in a single flashback in the novels, but from what we do know he was pretty likely to be a good guy. Like, raising a blind kid is hard enough; raising a blind kid in a desert after their actual parents got nommed by sand is so, so much more difficult. And yet, this guy said ‘If nobody else is going to adopt this kid I will!’ and by all measures he was a very caring and loving guy. Also, shout-out to the tribe, who took Fox in after Copper got killed by some maniac (and also killed said maniac). Fox has had a rough life, but it’s been filled with supportive people. Not everyone can say that.

Starr Sanzang: She put up with Sun

Sure, she’s only had one scene in one novel, but Starr showed patience and caring and... probably did a lot to make sure Sun stays as aggressively cheery and patient as he is. Plus she’s got a dojo in Vacuo now... okay, I’ll be honest, I don’t know nearly enough about her to really assess her. Still, as far as cousins go, Sun Wukong could do a lot worse. And there are the implications of their motifs to factor in...

Rhodes: If you’d done even just a little bit more--!

So, reasonably, what would you do when you see a little girl enslaved with a shock collar? Would you (A) get the girl out of there, (B) arrest the woman doing it, (C) try to get the girl therapy, or (D) all of the above? If you picked (E) secretly train the girl in swordplay so she can join a huntsman academy when she comes of age, then congratulations! You’ve given her hope! Good for you! And what if she snaps after five years of literal torture, kills her abuser, and then turns to you for comfort and/or approval? Welp, obviously she’s an irredeemable criminal and you have to bring her in, crushing all the faith she had in you and herself.

Seriously Rhodes, dropped the ball hard on that one. I’m only mentioning you because you had such a serious impact on Cinder’s development.

Brother Gods: Creating and destroying entire species

Like, okay. Look. These are the two that made humanity, so an argument could be made that they’re humanity’s parents. But, by the strict and arbitrary rules I have selected, they aren’t parents. And even if they were, they would be just the worst sort of parents possible. Darkbro is bad enough, what with viewing only strength as valuable and creating the Grimm and, you know, annihilating humanity that one time, but he’s at least honest and honorable. Not like the cryptic Lightbro, who doesn’t bother making sure people understand him, who doesn’t even keep his own promises to his brother... I get that they’re basically overpowered children. Yeah, they are. Still... kinda terrible.

So, now that that’s all done, let’s get to the actual list! After the break, so you don’t get stuck scrolling a lot. RWBY parents, from best to worst, are as follows:

23. Saphron and Terra Cotta-Arc: Two moms are better than none!

If I’m rating all the parents, and I am, then I have to acknowledge their flaws. And... these two don’t have any! Okay, fine, they used Adrian in a criminal scheme that one time (and that was literally just asking him to cry on command) and maybe Terra’s overworked and, to be fair, parenting a young kid is a lot different than parenting a teenager. But not only did they support their kid, they helped out all the kids that needed to room with them for a while! Saphron may also qualify as a momsister, depending on how well the Arcs managed their massive-numbered horde of kids. Look, the point is: Excellent parents. Bam.

22. Yatsuhashi's Parents: Their slipups weren’t their fault

When your kid can wipe your memories and you don’t know about it, you’re bound to get a few mistakes down the line. Luckily for everyone, after the whole incident with Hiyoko Yatsu came clean, and his parents made absolutely sure that he understood (A) that having such an ability was a big responsibility and (B) that even though he really screwed up he was NOT evil. Given the man that Yatsuhashi is now, I’m pretty confident in calling them great parents--even if they only appeared in a book flashback.

21. Coco's Dad: He exists!

That’s... honestly all I really know about him. He’s mentioned once in the books, and Coco has a few brothers. I’m kind of just assuming he’s a good parent from that, even if he didn’t figure out how to help Coco with her claustrophobia. So... yeah, shrug, Coco’s got a dad.

20: Ghira and Kali Belladonna: Actually marvelous people

Loving. Caring. Mentoring, protective. You may be asking why these two aren’t lower on the list, given that they are absolutely great for Blake, and I’ll have to admit that they only really made one slipup--letting Adam talk with Blake.

And okay, look. The thing about people like Adam is that they don’t start out showing their true colors. It’s always a slow, gentle broil. Blake was young and stupid, Adam was cute and edgy, and these parents want their daughter to be happy. So not twigging on what Adam really was--or at least not being able to properly convince Blake--that’s entirely understandable. And they did instill her with a strong enough moral code to leave when enough was enough, and they absolutely welcomed her back with open arms. Frankly, if the lower-listing parents didn’t exist, I would happily say they are the best parents in the show.

19. Pietro Polendina: He took Penny’s death flags

When you carve out part of your literal soul to bring your girl back from the dead, you get MAJOR parenting props. And even beyond that, Pietro is an absolutely caring and supportive father to everyone’s favorite bundle of sunshine. Even when she’s put in the rough position she was in, Pietro did his best to help her out. His one big flaw, though, is being overprotective and a bit presumptive. He does want Penny to live her best life, but he also can be just a touch too quick to say he knows what’s best for her. To his credit, when he’s called out on it, he does mend his ways. And he’s at least better then the GENERAL...

18. Salem and Ozma: Good parents, surprisingly!

Sure, Salem decided that world conquest was a good idea and wanted to put down anybody that wasn’t directly from her bloodline. Sure, she psychologically manipulated her husband when he had doubts. And, being fair, it’s highly likely that her four daughters were killed in the crossfire of her and Ozma’s little tuff. But! That was likely an accident, she’s been shown to still clearly mourn their passing, and before that point she absolutely loved and adored the girls. Ozma gets points for being a generally good person who fell in love with her before she became unstable and, honestly, was just trying to help his girls escape... and hey, he blames himself for their deaths. As does Salem.

Just because they’re kind of directly responsible for a LOT of Remnant’s woes doesn’t mean they aren’t good parents!

17. Will and Meg Scarlatina: Estranged but loving...

Yes, I know Rooster Teeth hasn’t officially confirmed that Bill is Will. I still believe though! Also it makes for a great picture, in any case.

Look, you can be the best and most loving parents ever--and from what we saw in the novels Will was definitely loving--but if you split up, your kid is going to get a little stressed. And hey, it’s not like these two were terrible people! Velvet’s just got a lot going on because of things entirely out of her control. Parents are people too, but sometimes the stress of one situation will leak out into another. Just... give people time to adapt.

16. Nicholas Schnee: The man, the legend, the titan!

Nicholas Schnee is the rockstar success story of Remnant. Some guy from Mantle put in all the work to make the SDC, and honestly from what little we know about him he was probably a great guy! But if we’re registering parental goodness, well... he wasn’t quite smart enough to warn Willow away from abusive gold diggers, and he’s not present when the story starts. So, yeah, even if he was a good parent otherwise--and I think he would be--he kinda... didn’t put in the work to prevent Willow breaking later. Still. Not deliberately terrible!

15. Li and An Ren: Don’t die in front of your kids, folks!

Seriously, it traumatizes them, especially if there’s a Grimm assault going on at the same time. Oh, double-especially if you reassure them that everything will be fine literally the second before the roof collapses on your head. And... well, okay, you couldn’t help your son and some random girl being the only survivors...

In all seriousness, that whole situation was absolutely out of their control. And before their deaths they were shown to be loving, wise, giving good advice to Lie Ren and helping him understand what the right thing to do was. Honestly, if they hadn’t died in front of him he’d be a lot better, mentally speaking. His trauma is not their fault. Plus Li went out distracting the big Grimm so Lie could run. No greater love hath man, indeed.

14. Summer Rose: Loving mother, ticking trauma bomb

When she was around, Summer Rose was probably the best mom Yang and Ruby could ask for. Sure, everyone could be exaggerating a little on how great a person she was--fond memories and grief can do that--but even taking that into account, she was probably a great and wonderful woman to be raised by. And hey, it turns out the reason she vanished was to go confront basically the Devil Herself so her kids wouldn’t have to live in a world where she existed! I can totally get the logic behind that.

And to be fair, “I’m going to do this on my own so nobody else suffers” is a pretty common character flaw among the RWBY cast. There are entire arcs where each character learns to overcome it. Still, wandering off on your lonesome without telling anyone was not the smartest move, Summer. Especially if you expected to die--which, you know, Devil Herself, high probability. And you know, if you had died, that would be bad enough, but now Ruby’s practically certain to have to fight your grimmified self. At least she figured out what happened to you before Salem decided to hammer in the trauma button, so she’ll be a little more ready, but... seriously.

13. The Arc Parents: Look, you try juggling eight kids!

To be fair, neither Arc parent has appeared on screen, but we can derive some of their traits from their kids. Jaune’s father said women like confident men. Jaune’s mother said strangers are friends you haven’t met yet. Jaune’s sister moved out of the house and (it’s implied) was happier for it. Jaune himself took his family’s ancestral weapon and ran off to Beacon to become a hero without any training whatsoever....

I get the impression that these two are not horrible parents, but they aren’t really stellar ones either. They slip up, don’t understand their children, give some really bad advice (as well as really good advice), and... look, it’s kind of middle of the road here. The Arcs could be wonderful people that just weren’t ready for the complexities of raising eight kids. I come from a big family myself, I know it can be stressful. And their kids turned out well anyway, so...

12. The Mother of Pyrrha Nikos: You taught your girl too well

Hero complexes are funny things. And Pyrrha Nikos... in retrospect, she was really hiding a lot of insecurities under that facade. Laying it all at this woman’s feet is unfair, I’ll admit, a lot of that came from being The Mistral Champion. But... with stories and fairy tales of heroes, it’s not hard to imagine a genuinely loving mother making sure her daughter knew right from wrong, always knew to act with mercy and protect the weak, and made her hardline into being a hero at the cost of her own... sense of self. It wouldn’t even be something either of them noticed, really. Good people can make bad choices sometimes.

11: Ilia's Parents: Oh god, can good people make bad choices...

So the idea of getting Ilia up to Atlas for a better life, that rocks (if you assume the propaganda to be true). And I’m certain her parents absolutely did what they did out of love. But what they did, you see, was tell Ilia to hide a very important part of herself from anybody who could find out, since it was likely she would be kicked out of the school she was in if people found out she was a faunus.

Which actually, did a lot of damage.

I mean look at Ilia now! She has trouble expressing herself until she explodes, she follows a crowd instead of her own morals, she broke down in tears when she finally did the right thing... Conceal Don’t Feel is never good advice, and these two went on and said ‘Honey, because of racism, you have to hide the fact you literally change color when you have emotions.’ Oh, and then they died offscreen--again, not their fault, but boy howdy did it give Ilia a complex.

10. Taiyang Xiao Long: Slumped at just the wrong time

Honestly, Tai as he is now is a wonderful dad. Supportive of his daughters in their time of need, able to lift their mood with a tasteless joke or two, frankly if we were assessing just how they were in the moment... I’d still be a little critical of his refusal to talk about the girls’ mothers, but hey, that’s minor. Compared to, you know...

Okay, so this needs serious addressing. Taiyang cannot be blamed for falling into a depressive slump. People can hurt, and need time to heal. That said, his depressive slump is at the root of Yang’s many issues, and frankly if she hadn’t had to pull herself together for Ruby she would be a major mess. It’s a bad situation all round, even if it’s not his fault.

9. Willow Schnee: “Kids, don’t wind up like me.”

Drowning her sorrows isn’t the best way to handle being stuck in an abusive marriage, but it was the best way Willow could think of. And, yeah, that really cut into her skills as a mom... but despite that, she did her darnedest to make sure her kids had what they needed to free themselves. Heck, once Jacques was out of the picture, she even pulled herself together and risked her life to save them! A broken women, to be sure, but not a shattered one.

8. Neptune's Mother: She exists!

Being fair, there’s not a lot to go on here. We know Neptune’s mother is a lawyer (insert evil lawyer joke), that their family are famous swimmers, and that his brother caused his hydrophobia by tossing him into the water. It does paint a bit of a picture, though, of everyone having expectations for Neptune that he was not able to live up to. Pretty poor parenting, if it’s true.

7. Nora Valkyrie's Mom: Come get your girl!

Literally the only factoid we have about Mama Valkyrie is that she abandoned her to the Grimm. We don’t know when this was, and it’s feasible it’s a case of ‘Oh No I Lost Track Of My Daughter In The Panic!’ But given we see young Nora scavenging for scraps of food... I’m not optimistic on her parenting skills.

6. Raven Branwen: "I wasn’t part of your life, how could I ruin it?”

Raven is just not a good mom at all. And, surprisingly, she seems to know it. Or that’s one interpretation of her character. The thing about Raven is that she plays her cards close to chest. We still don’t know why she left her daughter, and we only have inklings about the reasoning behind her behavior once they reunited. In the end, though... she did concede to Yang, she did apologize for something, and there’s a very deliberate indication that a lot of her behavior is a mask to both others and herself. So, terrible mother, for the moment, but self-aware.

5. Salem's Father: Explicitly noted as cruel

We get a bit more about Salem’s father from ‘Fairy Tales Of Remnant’, how he became possessive of the last remnant of his wife and locked her away in a tower. From what we know of him, that’s all he did--lock her away and not let her go. Still makes him a terrible dad. And with this, we transition firmly into the most definitively abusive parent figures. Everyone before this might have the excuse of not realizing what was going on or having their own damage, but now we’ve got parents actively deciding to make their kids’ lives worse.

4. Jacques Gelé: HE DOES NOT GET TO BE CALLED SCHNEE!

His children are property, to be manipulated and traded for the benefit of the company he married into, and any defiance is to be quelled instantly. He is manipulative, scheming, abusive, and frankly the worst sort of scumbag to ever wear a white suit. He does have the single redeeming quality of only leaning into the punishment if it benefits him; nobody would ever accuse the man of being needlessly cruel. His name is Jacques, and you will hate him... especially on the rare occasions he actually has a point.

3. The Marigolds: There’s no peppy tagline, they’re just mean

There’s not a picture of these jerks on the wiki, so you’ll have to make do with the woman that is no longer their daughter. See all that empty space around her? That’s about as close as they ever got. May spells out how much they hated her for having a heart, and how little they cared about her as a person, in one epic line. And even if they have other redeeming qualities (unlikely) we can tell they’d probably still be terrible parents because of how sleazy May’s cousin is. Honestly, for once I’m glad some characters don’t get pictures. They don’t deserve to be remembered. They aren’t even the cool kind of evil, they’re just... gross.

2. Marcus Black: Look if you train your kid to be a killer...

...you’re going to have to expect them to kill you. I mean, you basically ripped apart Mercury’s legs, man. He had to get cyberlegs. Also, you used your semblance to steal his. Which, given that semblances come from aura, and that aura is a manifestation of the soul, is kinda... that’s a deeply personal and intimate violation. Sure, you got your assassin kid. And can we talk about the fact that Marcus was an assassin? It’s not a pretty job. I guess I can see all the abuse--physical and mental--as a good way to train up another assassin, but... geeze, if that’s your goal, why did you use your own kid?! Why not hire some angsty teenager?! Yeah, no, Markus Black stood high on my list of parental monsters... and was only toppled by the arrival of one other.

1. Madame of the Glass Unicorn: She only appeared in one episode and she rocketed to the top of this list, that should tell you something

Let’s be clear here: What Madame did to Cinder is bad enough. It was literally slavery. Enforced by a shock collar. And because the collar looked like a necklace, she pulled it off in front of I don’t know how many clients. Granted, said clients were racists, why else would they be customers at a ‘We Do Not Serve Faunus’ hotel, but keeping her torture just out of the public eye very clearly shows both that she knew what she was doing was illegal and that she was clever enough to avoid detection.

Oh... and then there are her birth daughters.

With Cinder, she was abusive to a dangerous degree. With her daughters, she was permissive, not only allowing but encouraging them to bully their adoptive sister. The whole point of parenthood is to teach your children how to become the best version of themselves, but Madame didn’t even bother to instill a semblance of morality in these girls. She used them as extensions of her will, and they obliviously played along because that was all they knew.

You’d think the biggest monster on the show would be the Grimm woman, but no--it’s some random lady with a hotel.

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

Some People Wrap Their Lies Around a Cocktail Glass | Damian Wayne

And You Sit Wondering Where You’re Going to Turn

✦ pairing — older!Damian Wayne x female!Plus Size Reader

✦ word count — 3.3k

✦ fake dating AU

✦ summary — you need to cover up the fact that your boyfriend broke up with you a week before your step-father’s Christmas party, and Damian needs a date for his father’s New Year’s ball. Both of you are experts at pretending, what could go wrong?

✦ warnings — some angst, mentions of food, Damian and reader are neighbors, a little bit of awkwardness, sprinkles of fluff.

✦ mini series masterlist

════════════════════════

Every time your phone buzzed, you hoped it was him. Such a naive and sick logic, one of a teenager waiting for her crush to text back, was nothing compared with the sobering truth.

Your ex-boyfriend was your ex for a reason. And you would have to face the music on your own.

Your mother was going to be disappointed. Not more than you were. Travis had been a good boyfriend, goofy and nice. He hadn’t been the gentlest person in the world, but you learned to accept that he wasn’t perfect.

You could have fallen for him if he had given you enough time.

Your cellphone rang and the fact that it hadn’t buzzed startled you. A handful of people called you instead of texting you, yet you didn’t have to look at the caller ID to know who it was.

That was your luck. What a horrible week. And it was only Monday noon.

Taking a deep breath, you nodded to yourself and swiped your finger against the screen to take the call. “How is everything going?” you softly greeted your mother.

She sighed. “I will be relieved when the planning is over.” She changed the subject, “Did your boyfriend clear his schedule?”

You breathed out a small laugh. “He did,” you lied. Not even sure if Travis had truly wanted to attend, you lied some more, “He’s excited to meet you.”

“We are excited too. Your uncle said he won’t believe it until he sees it.”

You and him both. As she told you about every guest she was skeptical about showing up, you mentally went through your list of feeble romantic relationships.

Jordan was in town, you had heard about them a few days ago. But asking them to be your date out of nowhere would be embarrassing when the last thing they knew about you was that you were happy in a new relationship.

Liam’s bright blue eyes came to your mind, and you almost had the answer. You hooked up a couple of times after breaking up, and you were friendly enough for you to feel comfortable telling him the truth. The problem was that your mother hated Liam.

The list continued getting shorter and shorter, your anxiety levels higher and higher. You shouldn’t have lied to your mother, but pride was a marvelous and twisted thing and you shared such a stupid little thing with her.

“Have you spoken to your father?” she asked, unbeknownst to her only adding to the pile of regrets and worries.

“Brianna said he’s out of town.”

Your mother grunted. It was clear that both of you knew Brianna had lied. “Well, you’ll see him for New Year’s.”

“I suppose, yes.”

She said your name sternly. “He’s your father.”

He didn’t act like he was. “He hasn’t called in weeks,” you explained. “I am not sure he wants to see me.”

”Your father is a busy man,” she told you. It was like a reflex to her, excusing him even though she had divorced him when you were eight.

Adults and their busy lives, wrapped in their lies and inane promises. You had really tried to be different, but caving in was too easy. What a mess.

“I have to leave you,” she lamented. You could hear that she meant it by the emotion that seeped into her voice. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Have a nice day,” you wished her, voice trembling as anxiety fully kicked in.

The moment the line clicked, you dropped your cellphone onto the sofa. Sniffing, you walked into your bedroom in search of a hair tie.

You needed to keep your hands busy so you could come up with something to say. Or somebody to date.

════════════════════════

Damian’s scrutinizing gaze greeted you as he opened the door. You analyzed his stance and attire, trying to assess whether you had interrupted anything or not.

He stepped back without taking his eyes off you, hand still on the door handle. His hair was damp, and he looked extremely comfortable, wearing a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt.

He would also have looked approachable if his eyes weren’t so sharp.

“Are you coming in or not?”

You reacted, extending your arms to offer a container to him. “I made cookies earlier.”

He looked down at the container in your grasp, then back up at your face. “Get inside.”

You stepped into Damian’s apartment, used to the minimalistic style that you secretly wished you had chosen for your own place.

At the same time, you liked your apartment. Your mother helped you decorate, and she had impeccable taste.

He placed the cookies onto the coffee table, motioning for you to sit.

Sitting down, you watched him do the same just in front of you. His gaze was still sharp, but he waited for you to speak.

When you didn’t, he said, “I know you bake when you’re stressed.”

“It calms me.”

“You baked a pie two days ago. In the middle of the night.”

“And it was good,” you said immediately. “Right?”

He nodded. “Delicious,” he assured you. “Yet I can’t help but worry.”

You gripped your hair, exhaling harshly. “Holiday stuff.”

“Did you finally come to terms with the fact that all those ornaments look awful?”

“They do not,” you said, quite offended. You had spent an entire weekend decorating the living room. Sighing at the memory of choosing Christmas decorations and ornaments with your now ex-boyfriend, you explained your problem, “Travis broke up with me this past Saturday, and I don’t know how to tell my mother.”

Confusion was clear in Damian’s features. You had expected a comment about how you could find someone better, but not this.

“He was going to attend Leonard’s Christmas party with me.”

Leonard was your step-father. Your mother married him when you were a pre-teen and since then you had never skipped one of his parties or events.

He was the only reason why your mother and you were rich, and your biological father hated you for choosing him.

Money hadn’t been the reason why you took a liking to Leonard, although having everything you wanted and needed was nice, but your father wouldn’t have understood even if he tried.

Damian lifted an eyebrow. You could tell he wished you were joking.

“Too soon, I know.”

“I’m just shocked you planned to take him from all people to such event.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You met him on a dating app and your first date was at a bar,” he reminded you as though that explained everything. Your semblance must’ve shown skepticism because he added, “You are not supposed to take somebody like him to your family’s house unless you hate your family.”

“A lot of people do that and their relationships succeed.”

Damian inhaled sharply, shaking his head. “Does Travis even own a suit?”

“I was going to buy him appropriate clothes, a matching tie, get him a haircut... He hates formal attire.”

“I thought you liked your step-father.”

“I do. That’s why I was finally going to take somebody with me so people wouldn’t ask him why I’m always single and make him uncomfortable.”

He hummed, nodding slowly. “So you wanted him to try and explain why his step-daughter was dating a bad boy caricature. Very reasonable.”

“First of all, some bad guys are attractive. Have you seen The Phantom of The Opera?”

“You didn’t just insult Erik’s skills like that,” he said, offended.

“I’m not comparing him to Travis. It was an example.”

“A poor one at that unless Travis smells as bad as Erik.”

You shook your head. Damian was exaggerating when he said Travis was a bad boy caricature — apart from the fact that he loved wearing leather and sometimes took part in street races, he was a normal guy.

“Besides,” he continued, always eager to be right, “a bad boy and a bad guy aren’t the same thing. I thought you were literate in media.”

It seemed like he would never let go of the fact that you had switched careers when film school got unbearable.

“The point is,” you tried to go back to the topic at hand, “that it could have worked.”

“If you say so,” he said sarcastically. “You didn’t tell me what is it that Leonard usually says when people ask about your love life.”

“That I’m focused on my career or that I like to keep my private life separate from big events.”

Leonard had always been nice to you. He never planned to have children of his own, yet he never complained about you. From the day you met, he tried to befriend you, and eventually, he started to treat you as a daughter. He never made you call him dad unlike your father’s third wife who cried when you refused to call her mom — he never forced you to do anything.

Damian offered you a cookie, but you shook your head and he motioned for you to continue speaking as he took a cookie for himself.

“I lied to my mother earlier and I don’t know what I’m going to do or say, but I would rather eat my own foot than tell her my boyfriend chose to break up with me a week before the day he was supposed to meet her.”

Damian bit into the cookie, and you waited for a comment about how good or bad it was. He stared at you, brow twitching, before he once again made a movement with his hand so you would continue talking.

He knew you too well for your own good. And he also seemed to know that leaving you alone with your mind wasn’t such a good idea when you were in distress.

“I considered calling up an escort and have them pretend to be my partner, but I’m nervous,” you admitted, dropping your hands onto your lap for a second before moving them to rest on the couch, one at each of your sides. “What if that ruins it even more? Such a waste of money. And the embarrassment…”

He silently chewed, eyes focused on you. As he swallowed, he pinched his nose with his free hand. “I’ll do it.”

“You want to pay for the escort?”

Unamused, he clarified, “I’ll pretend to be your boyfriend.”

“I can’t ask that from you, Damian. You have your own events to attend! You said you would spend the holidays at your father’s house.”

He stayed silent, not taking his eyes off you. He then licked his bottom lip and said, “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll be your sweet and loving boyfriend in front of your family and Leonard’s acquaintances, and you’ll be my mysterious and charming girlfriend in front of my family and my father’s acquaintances.”

His offer was reasonable. Pretending was easy for you, meaningless. Leonard and your mother were always clear when they asked you to dress in certain ways or attend boring events — they weren’t expecting you to change, just to fool other people into thinking you were different.

They did the same, and that was enough for you.

Leonard’s smile was fake and tight in public when the only thing you could think about the smiles he gave you around the house was how warm they were.

Your mother was the opposite. You had seen her the happiest with Leonard, but she had always been rather cold as a person. In public, she was a lovely woman, always smiling and laughing.

“We can’t be in two places at once.”

“Father doesn’t celebrate Christmas publicly,” he explained blandly. “You just need to buy a new gown and cancel your plans for New Year’s.”

“For your father’s annual ball?”

“Exactly.”

“I can do that,” you assured him. Or yourself.

That night, as you stepped back into your apartment, you couldn’t help but make a face of disgust.

The ornaments were truly awful. You had gone overboard with everything — at the moment it had felt so good, laughing and drinking with Travis as you filled the living room with colors.

But that wasn’t your style. You didn’t even like colored Christmas lights.

════════════════════════

Despite your best efforts, you couldn’t keep yourself from being nervous. The last time you took somebody to one of Leonard’s big parties had been awkward and uncomfortable, a high school boyfriend who was too eager to impress your family.

Everybody understood because teen relationships usually are awkward and over-the-top. Now you wouldn’t have an excuse, you were an adult with a job and so-called social skills.

The first one was spot on. You had a job, you loved your job — and you didn’t need a job so you never felt pressured.

Your social skills, however, worried you. It was the anxiety playing tricks with your confidence, you knew, yet you couldn’t do anything but indulge it.

A part of you wondered if you would be this nervous if Travis was the one accompanying you. Perhaps you would be in a worse estate, or perhaps he wouldn’t have allowed you to worry.

But you didn’t have time to think about the what if’s. The party would take place the next day.

Time had flown by, you had been busy buying gifts and attempting to wrap them while balancing work and your friends’ own Christmas celebrations.

As though he knew you were a ball of nerves, curled up on the couch with a blanket over your shoulders and hands around your fourth —or was it the fifth?— cup of coffee that evening, Damian knocked upon your door.

You weren’t surprised to see him. He had said you would need to go through a few details before Leonard’s party.

You had barely interacted with Damian throughout the week, but he had assured you he was ready. He even sent you a picture of the tie he bought for the party, wanting to make sure the color was the right one.

His eyes scanned the living room as he made himself comfortable. He didn’t make a comment about the new ornamentation, but the fact that he hadn’t scowled was a good sign.

“I assumed you would be baking in preparation.”

“I’m not that stressed.” You folded the blanket and rested it onto the arm of the couch. “Can I offer you something to drink? Water, coffee, tea, alcohol...”

He shook his head. “Thank you. So, you don’t bake for your family?”

“Oh! I do, but on other occasions. Birthdays, anniversaries...” You sighed, shrugging. “Private things.”

A few times your mother had encouraged you to bake your father a birthday cake, but he rarely spent his birthday in town so that was even rarer.

“Have you already made our story up?”

“I suppose we should stick to the truth for the most part. Neighbors, then friends, and then...”

“Are you going to awkwardly tell your mother you’re dating me or are you just messing with me?”

”it’s hard for me to lie to my mother,” you explained, abashed. “It’s even worse if I have her in front of me.”

Damian stood up and opened an arm. “Come here.”

“I don’t need you to comfort me.”

He scoffed. “I’m not trying to comfort you. Come.”

You stood in front of him, looking down at his hand. “You want me to take it?”

“No. Well, perhaps...” He pensively looked at your form. “We have never been close physically.”

It had escaped you that you would need to touch him in order for your relationship to be believable. “So we’re going to practice.”

He hummed. “I’ll have my arm around you for most of the night,” he emphasized.

You stood beside him, expecting him to rest his arm behind your neck. Damian placed his palm on your upper back first, tentative.

His hand slowly slid up, tracing your shoulder blade. As he wrapped his arm around both your shoulders, he grunted.

Turning to look at him, you asked, “What?”

“It’s rather awkward to walk around in this position.”

“Okay,” you breathed out. “So?”

He slanted his head to face you. “Waist or hip?”

You considered the question, thinking about the way your dress would fall down your body. “Which one do you think would look better?”

“I have no clue.”

At least he was honest. Moving his hand off your shoulder, you lightly took it in your grasp. “Let’s stand in front of the mirror.”

Damian didn’t withdraw his hand from yours as you guided him into your bedroom. He curiously stared at the walls, quickly glancing at everything his eyes could fall onto.

He knew so much yet so little about you... you were friends, yes, and he trusted you with things he had never even imagined he would say out loud. At the same time, he was still getting used to his new life.

It wasn’t drastically different, but it was freeing in ways he never expected. With his new life came you, and he was astonished over the fact that you hadn’t met before when you had been forced to frequent the same places. Your presence was refreshing — welcomed from the very beginning.

Damian blinked rapidly. Getting reflective over being at a friend’s bedroom for the first time was new, too.

Standing in front of the mirror, you let go of his hand. Damian surrounded your body with his arm, delicately resting his hand on your waist.

“Is that okay?” he asked, watching you through the mirror as you shifted.

“Yeah. You can lower your hand if you want.”

He did so, pressing his palm against your hip.

“I think,” you mumbled, “your hand on my hip accentuates my stomach a little too much.”

He slowly trailed his hand upward, stopping at your waist once again. “Like that?” he asked in a whisper.

“Like that,” you agreed.

The two of you stood there for a long moment, facing your reflections. You moved first, and regretted it as the temperature changed over your form.

You hadn’t realized Damian’s body was that warm.

Sitting down on your bed, you followed his movements with your eyes as he sat on your vanity’s chair.

“Speak your mind,” he commanded.

“What if Leonard doesn’t believe... us?”

“I believe he has attended a few of my father’s celebrations.” He was stiff as he spoke. “But,” he added, “I have never crossed paths with him.”

“At least he doesn’t hate you.”

“Has he hated people you’ve taken to his parties?”

“Mmmmh...” You tilted your head as you made yourself comfortable by crisscrossing your legs. “Not to one of his parties per se, but he hated the boyfriend I had in college. They had met before.”

Damian’s eyebrows shot up. “You only had one boyfriend in college?”

“No,” you laughed as you confessed, “but my family only met one.”

“I’m more worried about your mother.” He tried to be nonchalant as he said it, but it sounded like a confession too.

But you weren’t. Damian was easy to like. You would have worried if he had to meet your father — he always seemed to think the opposite your mother did. Your father would have told you not to date somebody more attractive than you, or mocked you for supposedly dating a rich guy too.

“Don’t mention her age and everything will go smoothly.”

“I honestly can’t tell if you’re joking or not.”

You shrugged. “Just to be safe, assume I am not.”

He huffed a laugh, mouth twinging before he sighed.

As he stood up, you did too. Damian looked at the time just to be sure that he had to leave already and said, “I should let you get some sleep and get some rest of my own.”

Agreeing, you silently walked him towards the door. You wanted to thank him for doing this, ask if he was sure he was willing to not only do this for you but trust you with returning the favor.

Words didn’t come out of you. They did from him. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Yeah, you would see him in the morning for what would probably be one of the longest days of your life.

[wisteria-lodge]

snake primary + snake secondary (bird model)

Hello! I recently discovered your blog and really love the thought you’ve put into the nuances of the SHC system. I’m super into these kinds of personality analysis systems (I’ve probably been through them all at this point) because I think it’s interesting to know how people tick - I also think self-awareness is important so that you know why you do what you do, essentially. I took the SHC quiz and it told me I was a Snake Primary with a Bird Model, and a Bird Secondary with a Snake Model. I agree that I’m probably a (somewhat petrified) Snake Primary with a strong Bird Model, but I’m not sure which is my true secondary and which is the model. Maybe you can help?

I can sure try :)

Some things about me: I’m an oldest daughter, and I’m almost 100% sure my dad is a Bird Snake and I *idolized* him as a child - I thought he had it all figured out. He was the Zeus to my Athena in my child’s eyes, and I think I got my Bird primary model very early from copying him.

I mean, I know what you mean in a “sole creator” sense, but there is no *way* Athena thought Zeus had it all figured out.

My two younger brothers are a Lion Snake and a Lion Badger, and my mother is possibly a Double Badger, though I’m not as sure about her - maybe she just thinks that she *should* be a Double Badger. I think all that is important to help illustrate that I didn’t really feel *at home* when I was with my family, though I loved them, since I was the only Snake. My parents also had a terrible relationship and are now divorced, so there’s that as well. I think the only time I have ever been truly morally outraged was the revelation that my dad had engaged in infidelity against my mom, and then again when he started dragging his feet over a promise the he had made my youngest brother. We didn’t speak for a long time after that incident, but I was really cut up over dropping him.

Oh yeah. That’s very Snake primary. Morally outraged because your People are getting hurt.

We eventually started to reconcile, and the only reason we did was because he called and said he was driving through my city one day, and even after all of that, I said yes to meeting up because I felt sad that I had dropped him. I think this family dynamic, plus some other childhood stuff, led to me sort of “checking out” and petrifying pretty early.

Just a theory - I think it’s possible that this hit your secondary more than it hit your primary. You seem pretty strong and confident in your Snake primary so far. Even the fact that you can identify it coming from such a non-Snake environment, and don’t feel guilty about it, is big.

I had a lot of trouble making friends in school.

I’m thinking this might be more of a secondary thing.

and generally ended up with like one friend who was the other weird girl, and who I always sort of kept at arm’s length emotionally. I moved schools several times as a kid and after the first best friend (who was the daughter of my mom’s best friend and was like a sister to me until she moved away), I really didn’t try too hard to make new “best” friends.

Hmm. See, this reads like a *default* friend to me, not a friend of choice. The other weird girl. The daughter of your mom’s friend. That’s an easy friend to have… and not one that you necessarily sought out. I’m not surprised that your primary didn’t latch onto her with that Snake intensity.

Even now, though I definitely have concentric circles of loyalty and a significant other who is my “top person”, I’m not sure I have that blind Snake I-would-literally-die-for-you loyalty toward anyone - I’d kill or hide a body for my top circles

That *is* Snake loyalty. Snakes aren’t going to die for someone else, are you kidding? That’s a sucker’s game. They value themselves too much.

I would give up a lot of my own comfort for my significant other. Maybe I’m just afraid to let myself feel that unquestioning loyalty, though I want to feel it, or maybe I’m really a Bird and just want to be a Snake because that would mean I could be un-broken eventually.

Let’s talk about your secondary, I want to hear about how you think you’re broken, because so far you seem fine. Congrats on the SO!

I don’t think I’m an Idealist though - I’m surrounded by them and I know I don’t care about “principles” the way they do. Then again, maybe I’m a Bird whose truth is that moral relativism is the truth lol. Anyway, I think for my primary, I’m probably a petrified Snake with a Bird model unless I’m totally wrong about myself.

I think you’re just a Snake who… is a Snake.

(you’ve got that Birdy influence though, from your dad, and they do like to complicate things.)

As for my secondary, I loved to read (everything - all kinds of fiction, especially sci-fi/fantasy/mystery and, like, Victorian sci-fi/horror adventures, nature books, medical texts, etc. Wikipedia was a revelation when it came out), and I was smart and good at taking tests and knowing the answers in school, so at a certain point I think I just defaulted to being “the smart one” and used that as armor to help keep people from getting too close.

yep yep yep, welcome to the ‘fun Bird model’ club, we have snacks

I do genuinely love to learn, and I’ve always been known among friends and family as the one who either knows the answer or will look it up. I love pop culture trivia and nature facts. I also love and am good at debate, but not really when real feelings are involved - I more love the “battle of wits” aspect, where I can match up against a person to see if my knowledge and ability to adapt my argument on the fly can stump them. 

I also would argue the unpopular point, or the point I didn’t agree with, just for sport. Fun Bird secondary model.

I developed terrible anxiety and probably some depression as well in high school.

Okay, now I’m seeing the problem.

and now that I’m older, I suspect that I may have ADHD, though I haven’t been officially assessed. I didn’t discover my executive function issues really until college, when suddenly being smart and being able to figure out the test answers through context clues and what I remembered from lectures and readings + whatever trivia I had gathered about the topic wasn’t enough anymore.

I suspect you’re right about being ADHD. Or at least being neruodivergent.

I am horrible at studying! I would plan out my study sessions and make these nice little cheat sheets (these were allowed on exams) and they didn’t work at all! I did very well in my literature minor though, because all the graded assignments were papers rather than open-answer tests, and I could get my thoughts out better and with more resources at my disposal if I forgot something and needed to go back to the book to check.

Oh ouch. Yeah, I’m not even relating this back to a secondary, because I’m reading this as a working memory thing? Like ugh tests are such a terrible way access knowledge. What is even the *point* of memorization anymore? You should have been able to have a college career that was completely writing papers, like I did.

I was at one point very jealous of my Lion Snake brother, who I felt could do “whatever he wanted” with minimal consequences, while I always felt constrained by being “good” and not rocking the boat too much with my family.

Yep. That’s being an oldest daughter.

I couldn’t understand why he didn’t seem to care about being considerate to everyone else in the household (especially my chronically overworked, can’t-say-no Badger mom lol).

It’s because he’s the youngest. Mine’s the same.

This attitude was definitely influenced by my anxiety issues at that time, since I had (and still have) a lot of trouble asking for anything - help, permission, whatever. I’d rather do things and explore on my own, without anyone watching, so I don’t have to ask and don’t have to explain.

Did you low-key raise your younger siblings? Because it sounds like you raised your siblings.

I feel better with a little bit of distance, and definitely wear masks in most situations. I’d say my masks are half conscious and half reactive - I do have some idea of how I’d like to be perceived, but it’s only kind of systematic.

That makes me think Snake or Badger secondary.

I have a few “characters” that I use as touchpoints when I’m going into a new situation, but once I’m there I mostly just act nice and funny and see what happens.

So far I’m going with Badger secondary (be nice and and assume it’ll be fine is very badger) with a fun Bird secondary model, that you can do an Actor Bird thing with. Although liking to “just see what happens” is pretty snake.

The characters are really just costumes I use to give off a certain first impression, although I do really like the costumes and find them fun. I love clothes, makeup, and perfume too, because I enjoy the idea of making multidimensional costumes for different settings. I actually enjoy the mask a lot of the time - I have tattoos that are purposefully in places that I can cover easily, because I enjoy the idea that there’s something under the professional mask that people only know about if I show them. I’m a bit socially awkward I think (I repeat myself and talk a lot), but most people tend to either like me or tolerate me, and I don’t get into a lot of interpersonal conflicts. 

Hm. Either Courtier Badger or Snake secondary, fun Bird secondary model. However. Especially after talking about your Actor Bird in such fun, positive, happy language… I am going to call you out for “socially awkward” and “people tolerate me.” Which tells me you don’t have as much faith in your social skill set, and it’s *maybe* a little burnt.

(Also, not to get too armchair psychologist tell-me-about-your-mother, but if your mom has a  “chronically overworked, can’t-say-no” Badger secondary… that’s going to affect how you see Badger secondaries.)

Right now I work in a very Badger/Bird workplace, and it’s really a terrible fit, even though I can squeak by enough to fool my superiors into thinking I’m doing a good job. 

oh we’ve got some imposter syndrome, that can also be a burnt secondary thing.

It’s all long-term planning and daily maintenance tasks, and I really don’t like it. I change most of my plans partway through, but I’m not sure if it’s because I’m really an improvisational secondary at heart, or if I’m truly a Bird that’s just bad at planning for all of the variables.

I’m going to say you’re not a Bird. Making cheat-sheets (which is a very Bird secondary strategy) also did not work, and you feel confined by, not comforted by plans. You’re not a Lion, you enjoy keeping your true self to yourself too much. You could be either a Badger or Snake. And if you really hate daily maintenance tasks… that could be coming from a few places, but it makes me lean Snake. 

I love being in situations where I can iterate on a plan, or make a new plan on the fly. I love escape rooms and am pretty good at them; I still get stumped and need hints sometimes, but when I *get* a puzzle, it sort of just clicks for me? I don’t think in a very linear way and am not a good chess player, but I also have never studied chess so perhaps I just am at a knowledge disadvantage in that game. 

This is also you using Bird to have fun, and we know you *love* using Bird to have fun.

One of my proudest moments

okay this is definitely going to be helpful

was when I was on a day trip with my significant other, and we needed to find a place to buy food quickly so we wouldn’t miss a specific ferry and then a specific bus - we were on an island, and near the ferry station the restaurants were all too expensive and we were worried they would take too long anyway. He was starting to get frazzled, but I was able to think on my feet, and we just grabbed a calming beer (lol) at a creepy neighborhood bar, then got on the ferry and bought microwave meals at a 7-Eleven by the bus station. It was awesome and I was very proud of myself for staying calm and looking around myself for options.

Well that is VERY Snake secondary.

I generally take a long time making decisions when it’s not a crisis situation, because I have to *weigh all the options*, but I often end up in analysis paralysis. Crunch time is where I really shine as a decision-maker.

Snake again. From what I’m seeing, your Bird is a fantastic toy, but actually kind of makes you miserable when you have to depend on it for the important stuff. (studying, your job, making important decisions)

All of this long post is to say, I’m not sure whether my Bird secondary is a fun model that got repurposed into an executive dysfunction compensation tool and anxiety/depression soother to supplement my Snake secondary

I think you hit the nail straight on the head right there. 

 or if Bird is my true secondary and Snake is a model that I learned from my dad and brother + characters I admire in media 

oh your favorite characters are Snake secondaries are they? That’s a big tell.

and that I use when I fail to plan adequately given my executive dysfunction. 

Executive dysfunction is a whole thing, but you don’t have to “”plan adequately”” for everything.

I find both fun and both useful, but I’m not sure which is innate and which is the model! 

My money is on snake secondary, Bird secondary model. 

[eldritch-elrics]

svsss: journey through the mausoleum (plus, zhuzhi-lang is a himbo)

got to chapter 65 last night!

as usually i have a lot to say i guess jkdhgsds i think putting stuff under cuts makes people scroll past these posts more? but also i don’t really want to be too annoying with my Many Reactions so cuts are a good way to go

tldr: loved the mausoleum arc, big fan of tlj, communication is good, and i have a new favorite scene in the book

binghe is extra as FUCK for bringing in all those rhino pythons

so i maintain that tianlang-jun should have been foreshadowed more/is introduced too late in the story, but other than that i think he’s a really fun villain and i’m a fan

for one - he’s the only one who’s able to hurt binghe :0 harm the protagonist...

which creates some Very Good Tension

count number one of zhuzhi-lang being a himbo: trying to sacrifice himself for tlj while being threatened

“is zzl really a himbo” you ask. well, yes. is he dumb? very much so. is he nice? absolutely. is he hot? well, i have no idea. i forget if he’s described as attractive or not. but, i think he can be if he wants. does being a little bit evil negate his himbo-ness? idk! i’m sticking with my assessment

i think i have a bit of a soft spot for evil henchmen

zzl also protects sqq from the corpses <3 good for him

it’s always fun to me when the system is like “wooo yay you fixed the storyline! cut the filler!” because 1. love seeing sqq lay waste to pidw and 2. the implications?? once more i am wondering WHY is the system so interested in making pidw a better story. (and the fact that it’s still calling his adventures in this world a story.) are sqq’s adventures being written down and serialized in the real world? are we as readers supposed to believe that scum villain, as a text, is a direct result of sqq’s “editing” of pidw?

uh, back to the plot

binghe wasted spiritual energy trying to preserve the mushroom/plant body :( come on man...

i really like the whole stretch of plot when binghe’s unconscious. it’s just so tense!! really well-done in my opinion - this is the first time in a while we’ve got a sense that lbh is in danger, and sqq is also running low on energy and stuff, so they’re both in bad places and the stakes are high

PLUS the hurt-comfort of it all. sqq trying not to hurt lbh’s body :(

the whole part in the coffin!! excellent. and the convo with meng mo... sqq calling himself lbh’s shizun finally...

cuddles <3

dying at lbh’s fuckin. boner. and the system’s REACTION it’s so EXCITED i am just. holds my head in my hands. i can’t deal with this novel

the confrontation with qiu haitang and the old palace master was very cool and intense. though i have to say i’m not really a fan of either “angry unreasonable woman” or “bitter disabled person” as tropes/archtypes (especially how sqq was reacting to the palace master’s condition). and poor qiu haitang! i have no idea if there’s any way to set her mind at ease other than revealing the whole transmigration thing. i do hope she’ll turn up again and get a better ending?

so the plague city sqq callout party is once again not directly lbh’s fault! the old palace master is the one to blame!

SO ONE OF MY FAVORITE PARTS IN THE BIT I READ LAST NIGHT. is. sqq realizing that he could utilize lbh’s plot armor to his advantage. but then deciding that he doesn’t want to take that risk. doesn’t want to use lbh’s body as a prop!!!

character development :D

he’s really starting to see lbh as a person as opposed to a character! and being less selfish/survival-oriented...

man. sqq, almost beaten, lying on the ground holding binghe in his arms........ :(((

so is the implication that lbh injured/took revenge on the old palace master because the palace master was being creepy to him about his mom? it’s a bit vague but that’s my theory. weirdo old man...

speaking of people lbh killed. maybe it will be revealed that gongyi xiao is actually alive too :( i’m still salty about that

SO MUCH DEMON BLOOD. poor sqq

so i don’t think i got how sqq was able to free himself from zzl’s blood manipulation? was it because binghe woke up and subdued it?

binghe waking up was a lil deus-ex-machina-y lol i would have liked to see some sort of trigger for it (even a cheesy one). like i get why he’s ok and no longer hurt (protagonist powers!) but like, gimme a reason for the shift to happen at that precise moment...

but AAAAAA FINALLY THEY ARE TALKING

lbh realizes how much sqq went through to save him :( and he’s so happy he didn’t get abandoned!!!! aaaaaa my poor boy

i like crybaby lbh much more than i like cold/cruel lbh lol

i do agree with sqq’s assessment though - lbh keeps doing the thing where he cries and apologizes but doesn’t actually change. he’s slowly getting better about it but that’s some development i’d like to see

so tlj.... DOESN’T want lbh’s body? i stg his motivations change every 5 minutes. that’s one other thing i don’t really like about him. is the “trying to steal lbh’s body” thing just gonna go nowhere? f...

ALSO SQQ GETTING OUTRAGED ABOUT TLJ CALLING HIMSELF MORE HANDSOME THAN BINGHE

binghe dumbass moments <3 gave him the sword...

..........zhuzhi-lang vore.......

zzl, while healing sqq’s plant arm: don’t worry i don’t want to fuck you unlike LUO BINGHE.

sqq: OKAY??? THANKS

i really hope there exists shipfic of sqq and zzl. like i don’t ship them at all but they just get into so many Situations that i cannot help but think about it. like it would make a funny crack premise

you know what? sqq deserves his own harem. it could consist of lbh, lqg, sqh, zzl.....

SQQ CANNOT CATCH A BREAK. TLJ IS A FAN OF RESENTMENT OF CHUNSHAN

modern au tlj is the dad who is way way way too supportive and thinks sqq would just be a wonderful husband for his son~~

interested in tlj’s intention to unite the human and demon worlds. like on the surface it sounds like a good idea right? peace and harmony and reconciling differences and stuff. but tlj’s plan is certainly not well-thought-out, and i’m sure his intentions also skew towards a sort of “merge them so they’re both easier to rule over” thing - which i don’t think is confirmed or anything, it’s just my suspicion

both tlj and lbh have a sort of entitlement thing going on - “i’m powerful so i can do whatever i like / take for myself something i love (whether that be humans or sqq).” which is then backed up by the power the system allows them as final boss and protagonist respectfully

speaking of lbh taking whatever he wants: stop kissing sqq without asking him aaaaa!!!! we know you love him and it’s sweet but please bro

him going all that way to reunite with sqq though <3

and then zzl comes in and i just.

this scene is simply the best

the slapstick of it!!!! i wanna see it animated so bad holy shit

the scene was good when it was just “sqq hides lbh under the bedcovers and he’s having none of it” but then it just kept escalating...

sqq and zzl’s convo is so suggestive too...

zzl himbo moments again?

AND THEN TLJ WALKS IN

“no need to explain, i understand everything” OK BRO.

LIU QINGGE IS HERE <3

tlj fanboying over him a little lmao

tlj, upon realizing that lbh had been in the bed with zzl and sqq: oh, you guys were having a threesome?

i cannot deal with this. i’m gonna do some sketches from this scene it’s so funny

[traumatized-motherfuckers]

CPTSD and Core Beliefs (Your lens, built on traumatic fuckery)

Alright, so you know I have this Patreon thing that I try to make worth your while in return for your economical help. One of the benefits is the good ole’ monthly ask me anything. And I love it. Because the questions are great. And they push me to dig into topics that I was procrastinating. This month’s AMA is a particularly good one! A question that needs to be addressed, anyways. So it’s perfect. Let’s aim for two birds with one stone.

Our good friend Cassie - you know her by now - asks, how do you identify core beliefs and start to change them? Which is a very simple and very complicated question.

  So, to take a step backwards, what she talkin’ bout?

  Well, one of the internal issues that complex trauma sufferers have to rectify is their belief system. Between our core beliefs and our inner critic, we have a lot going on in between our ears to keep us downtrodden and destitute.

  We’re talking about what I call Fucked Up Core Beliefs here… which are your trauma-born core beliefs. Again, called FUCBs because when you discover them, you’ll likely whisper to yourself, “wow, that’s actually really fucked up.” These sentiments are like the lenses that you surgically stitched onto your face several decades ago in response to your upbringing, as your little mammal brain tried to understand its place in the global hierarchy and how to be chill about it.

 The framework you built from your early development and beyond, that all information still filters through today - both on the way in and on the way out of your head. The words that stream through your brain consciously or subconsciously to shape the ways you appraise… everything. Yourself, your life, your past, your future, other people, and everything that happens in between.

  So, essentially, talking about the ways you interpret your existence and the collected pool of knowledge from where you make decisions, and therefore the ways you act. If this is starting to sound like a big deal - it is!

But it don’t come with a big flashing sign. The Challenge

These beliefs are challenging to figure out because:

  One, they were adapted early on in your life in an effort to understand the circumstances around you or directly downloaded from the sentiments expressed in your environment. When you were first establishing your perspective of the universe and trying to figure out how to navigate it based on the clues presented.

  Plus, the harder part is… because of the early adoption, you’ve already accepted the idea for so long that it doesn’t even seem like a “belief” to you - you’re not choosing it and it’s probably not apparent to you - it’s just the secret narrative running in your head that corrupts all later data. Not cognitive thoughts that you’re directing on purpose. You probably don’t have recollections of the time before you believed such and such to question what you believe - these ideas are solidified in your head with as much certainty as the alphabet.

  So, you might believe you’re a worthless piece of shit as a function of the neglect and abuse you experienced, a way to explain the mistreatment to yourself from a young age… OR you might believe you’re a worthless piece of shit because mom, dad, sister, and society directly told you so. But either way, many years down the line, it’s difficult to pinpoint either of these originating factors as memories fade or to even question the validity of the thought… or to even notice the thought.

  Two, if your family of origin was always repeating the same sort of thoughts and you later associate with people who make you comfortable to be around (i.e. probably have some similar views of the world), you have nothing to compare your beliefs to.

  Your environment teaches you what’s normal. There’s no reference for what is and isn’t healthy, fair, or functional if everyone is drinking the same kool aid. And, unfortunately, in traumatic environments, folks seem to congregate around the fucked up beliefs to protect them with a mutual unspoken agreement. Accept the accepted narrative of the group or be outcast. The same story is replayed on repeat from all ends of your social circle, so why would you even begin to think there’s another way to look at things?

So, if mom, dad, cousin, uncle, grandma, neighbor, peer, teacher, and media are all telling you the same reality exists, how would you ever even begin to have the wherewithal to think otherwise? The thought probably never crosses your mind. The sky is blue, grass is green, and the world is a miserable place where everyone is trying to take advantage of you.

  Three, again, I cannot over-express how insidious, subtle, and generalized these things can be. Fucked up core beliefs affect how you see and process everything. Again, like lenses or an instagram filter permanently applied to your corneas. So, there’s not necessarily one life-effect linked to one-FUCB for easy detection or one event that will cause a clear-as-day defined belief to come shooting to the top of the pile. More like, you very slowly realize you have an unhealthy view or twenty about yourself and the world that have sorrrrrtof impacted every single area of your life now that you spend years considering it.

  Thinking you’re a worthless piece of shit, for instance, has led to you taking low-level jobs with chaotic schedules, living with an abusive partner, and settling for living in the same environment with the same behavioral patterns that you’ve known your entire life. It’s also allowed you to give up exercise, eating right, staying sober, and trying to make any life-improvements. Why bother spit polishing shit? And here you are, wondering why you feel awful about yourself and don’t enjoy anything you’ve created in your life.

  But. It’s not that simple to sort out, or else we would have done it already. You probably haven’t ever purposely considered how commonly this impression is operating below the surface of your actions. Realizing that the belief “I’m a worthless piece of shit who deserves nothing” and trying to change it would be like pulling out the wrong Janga block - everything it has been supporting suddenly comes tumbling down and you’re left with a real fucking mess to rebuild from the bottom up. And, to top it all off, no one ever even taught you how to create a sturdier structure in the first place.

  Fourthly, from some of my own learnings, I’ve come to the conclusion that the core belief, itself, doesn’t even have to present itself at any point to be making a difference in your life. They are so deeply ingrained in my brain that my thought center just naturally uses them as a jumping off point, without even directly touching on the words that might ping my brain as unusual. Just like we can subtly detect risks in our environment that set off our warning bells without ever creating a conscious thought to go with the arousal, I feel like I can apply a core belief to my world without ever noticing the accompanying stream of consciousness.

Sometimes I feel like fucked up core beliefs have become so accepted over time that they’re feelings more than cognitions. As if they’ve become so reflexive through repetition that you have muscle memory - an intuitive response that bypasses your logical brain recognition threshold and jumpstarts shittily-related thoughts… and those will actually register on your thinking scale. But at that point, you accept the novel-feeling thought and never note that it was actually spawned by a very old recording.

  Which is to say, you might have to work on identifying your fucked up core feelings before you can get to the thought deeply buried underneath. Taking a meta break from the episode to tell you, I’ve never thought about that so thoroughly before. But Fucked Up Core Feelings definitely sounds like a solid description of my world. I guess we also have FUCFs to go with our FUCBs from now on. Anyways.

  With all of this in mind, I’m sure you can start to see why these fucked up core beliefs are a big problem. Hell, if you’ve listened to this podcast for more than a few episodes, you’ve definitely heard that I’m still challenged by my own. Like, when I say that I’m freaking out because no one should listen to me and I feel like an imposter - I believe that I’m not good enough to share information with people. That I’m too flawed to even express myself. This is a problem for, say, podcasting. Or, living. And I have to fight it all the time.

  Long story short.

  Your core beliefs are sneaky, they can be comprehensive, and they are hardwired into your brain as your default system for analyzing everything on the planet. Again, kind of like looking for goggles strapped to your face, but in reality you had lasik surgery about 30 years ago.

  So, if you aren’t constantly on the lookout for core beliefs and actively working against your pre-programmed ways of assessing yourself and the world around you… they will get out of control, cause a fair amount of avoidance and defeat, and set you back several steps in your mental health management… plus, potentially your entire life, if you make any big decisions out of this unhealthy mindset. Which you will, because that’s how the brain works. I’m almost certain that you have some experience with this already.

If you ever think things like: The world is a dangerous placePeople are cruelI’m not good enough I’m not smart enoughI’m not enoughI’m brokenOther people don’t like meThere’s something wrong with my personalityI’m not allowed to… (live like others, have nice things, be happy)I’m not one of those people who… (has money, has good luck, gets what they want)Shit is just harder for meNothing ever works outLife is always hardI can’t.

Then you’ve had some fucked up core beliefs floating around in your head.

 These are some super broad ones for the sake of demonstration, so don’t disregard highly specific beliefs that might relate to your particular circumstances or upbringing.

  If you haven’t ever noticed yourself thinking these big shitty picture things… check again in all your deepest nooks and crannies. I think a lot of us TMFRs operate from some version of the narratives above - plus, much worse. Like I keep saying, these beliefs might not be in your conscious thoughts, so much as they’re directing the show from behind the curtain.

How do we pull it back? Discover the beliefs ........

Keep reading or listen up at t-mfrs.com

https://www.t-mfrs.com/podcast/episode/532f2b1c/core-beliefs

[hamliet]

I think your blog is one of the best out there. Maybe becuase of this , maybe because of your awesome takes... I find it hard being in the fandom. And I wanted to share this very unpopular opinion. The more it goes on the more I wonder : how did Enji turned into this? Most of all in fandom tends to justify touya because he’s the result of Enji’s abuse. However Enji isn’t a natural born abuser. I’ve read and saw plenty: he has not manias of control. He accept easily his wife to leave him (he wanted to build an house for her and since Shoto’s accident he hadn’t forced himself on her). He wanted an heir, true and he was more neglecting (which is a form of abuse). But many time were found evidences in studies neglecting parents have issues of their own. Which can be found in their original family and / or society (if no mental illnesses are implied).

This made me wonder. I love Japanese culture , novels and society. And one of the most recurrent theme , especially some decades ago, is the high pressure people are exposed. It was and sometimes still is a nichilist model in which you die or fly and sometime you can’t hope to Rise once again when you fail. For example the concept of “you need to go at a go prek to get in a good university and find a good job” is often depict and put to extreme in many media. This inspire even books in which families are up for anything to push their children and they are under great pressure. Since Enji seems a not so bad man per se, has no mental illnesses , the only thing left is his immense obsession that must come from something. And the fact that in society a man must be successful... I think here it is.

The fact he can’t express his feeling correctly for the most of MHA , neither he can’t read them at the point of being perceived “with no compassion at all” comply the stereotype of the father with way too high standard , this can’t come from nothing. It’s not hard unreasonable thinking he was most likely pressured as much when younger , and that broke him at some point (which is a recursive theme in many others novels). This doesn’t justify him, but it might explain why he ended up like this.

But while everyone seems to be able to... forgive dabi , justifying his doings becuase of how he was raised while condamning 100% Enji. However the lingering theme of my hero’s villains is that they aren’t a monster , they’re turned into one; and society played a huge role. I don’t stand for Enji’s actions (who would) but ultimately? If all villains were broken by society at some point (being AFO the only exception for now) why can’t be him too? Broken by a society that demands from heroes to be perfect , to never be weak, even through total desperation? Society even made a joke of all might who gave his life entirely and part of his organs for Japan. Rather than only condemning Enji for his doings , much like is doing with Dabi, the spotlight should be society again.

He did wrong. Terribly wrong. and now everyone is ready to crucify him. But how society taught him better ? How society perceive heroes as humans , how far they can be weak and fails and not be blamed? Like father , like son. Touya is the result of his family , I think it should be considerated Enji was the product of a corrupted society. Which never correct itself , never tries to change... they just discard heroes and villains alike just for not being “perfect”.

Hi! Aw, thank you for your kind words <3

So, I’ll break this down a bit, because I think this discussion needs a lot of nuance. I agree society affected Enji, but I don’t quite think that a victim of society is remotely comparable to being a victim of parental abuse.

To start with, I fundamentally disagree with the notion that abusers are born, and hence don’t buy that Enji is somehow different (or better) because he wasn’t born that way.

To note, I talking specifically about physical/emotional/spiritual domestic abuse, not about sexual abuse (and I don’t wanna talk about that because it’s not relevant here, so no one send me asks about it, thanks).

Abuse is a description of an action and its affects. I’ll quote @linkspooky’s meta on Hawks last week: abuser is not a bad word, it’s not just something that bad people do. It’s an unhealthy relationship dynamic that even good people, even sympathetic people can participate in. It’d be great if we could just do a genetic test and determine if someone is an abuser (actually it wouldn’t be great; it’d be dystopian and terrifying), but that’s not how people work.

However, “abuser” is seen as a bad word, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing (nuance/abuse is horrific and takes such a toll on people that I’m glad it is given serious weight in some respects, although imo it’s overemphasized in fandom places and underemphasized in real life) and I’m not getting into good/bad/pluses/minuses of linguistic connotations here.

Hence, I would actually categorize what Rei did to Shouto as abuse, and I do think the story indicates she was neglectful towards her other children. However, I have never labeled her an “abuser” because of the negative connotation as is clear she is not a repeat offender and Shouto doesn’t even blame her--he blames Enji, and I don’t think that’s an incorrect assessment either. It’s complicated. Abuse victims can be abusers at the same time as they are victims (ask many a kid of an abusive dad what their mom was like; at best if they didn’t intervene it’s usually neglectful and often people go no contact with both parents). People we love and care for can participate in abuse.

Mental illness is also complex in its relationship to abuse. Mentally ill people are far more likely to be victims of abuse than perpetrators, and  mental illness doesn’t make someone predisposed to being a bad person. Mental illness does affect how I see Rei’s actions, because she was clearly out of her mind at the moment she burned Shouto’s face; at the same time, mental illness doesn’t erase harm done even if the person can’t be held super culpable. Enji on the other hand was not mentally ill in the same way; he was able to think logically and separate right from wrong even within society (because society clearly still views beating your kids as bad).

It’s actually not really accurate to say that Endeavor didn’t try to control Rei and just let her go--he put her in the institution to keep her away from Shouto, which may have been motivated of course by trying to protect Shouto, but was more likely “trying to protect his masterpiece.” Rei instantly regretted what she had done; Enji didn’t show regret until after Kamino. Also, Shouto himself views it as taking their mother away, not as protecting him. In fact, he sees it as removing his protector and leaving him with just the abusive dad. Plus, Rei’s doctors probably wouldn’t have let him see her. So I absolutely do think Enji is a control freak.

For Enjii, there’s no indication of prior trauma besides just not getting what he wanted. But, as you say, I do think Enji was absolutely a product of society--culturally, though I’m not qualified to comment on that, and within the manga’s own framing of that culture. However, while Enji is a product of society, he is not framed with the child framing that is present around Touya; hence, why he’s not a victim in the same sense. He was an adult when he started doing bad things, capable of reason, as far as we know and there’s no indication this isn’t the case. He was ~20 when Dabi was born, so that means he was looking for a quirk marriage at the very latest by 19. That’s like starting your career as an administrative assistant and being pissed you’re not CEO like, a year after starting! That implies that he had a sense of entitlement at a very young age, entitled to the point of believing kids were not full people but instead extensions of himself to ignore, beat up, and cast aside as he pleased. Every aspect of Enji’s personality screams of toxic masculinity as well.

Also, almost every person who has ever done something wrong (and those who haven’t!) is a product of their environment as well as of their genetics, but I wouldn’t classify everyone as a victim--even though technically I suppose they would be, but the connotations are just not particularly fitting--and I wouldn’t call Enji one. Enji might be a product of society, but his kids are victims of a deliberate choice he had to be a terrible parent. Society sucks, but we don’t choose it and it doesn’t choose us in the same sense a parent chooses to treat their kids a particular way.  So, rather than saying Enji’s a victim of society, I think it’s more of society reaping what they’ve sown in terms of their #1 being revealed as a mass abuser; it’s karmic.

So to return to his character and Enji is also a representation of toxic masculinity--that is why for me personally, his crying this chapter  actually resonated. Like, I think it was well-framed in that his victims didn’t feel sorry for him and he cried before he knew they were coming, and while I get that people think he has no right to cry (as Rei and Natsuo said!). I see why people interpret that as manipulative, and while I absolutely think it was self-pitying, I also personally see it as human and realistic, and perhaps as a slight chipping away of the toxic masculinity that he embodies. We’ll see. I’m still no fan but that was the first moment in his redemption arc that struck me as sincere.

[luvdsc]

Hey Cat!! I hope you're doing well as always ! 💖 AHHHH huhu I closed the form last Sunday since I've collected enough responses dy! (NOOOOOOOO ToT) I got a total of 221 responses at the end of the week, which is 3x the amount I initially needed! :o I'm beyond grateful and appreciative ToT I've cleaned the data and have proceeded to run some data analysis, but I ran into an issue whereby the scores on the subscales are equal (it has never been reported in past studies! :O) so I'm waiting for my supervisor's feedback on how to proceed. Hopefully it's nothing too serious ToT

Hehe finance is interesting indeed! I just started reading a book on finance for young adults (Rich Dad Poor Dad) and I look forward to learning more from the author's tips! The Coursera introductory course has also made financial terms a lil more familiar, even though it's just the basics and it's really helped w my financial literacy 🥺 I can push myself to study but it's also the numbers and calculations I'm worried of cuz I am rly a nong (idiot) when it comes to numbers * - * it runs in the genes I guess AHAHAHAHA my mom and sister aren't good at numbers either keke

Aww I'm glad yr professor made financial accounting enjoyable and a fruitful experience for you! Some lecturers / professors rly just have that spark in them to inspire ppl and I'm blessed to be surrounded by a bunch of em in the psych department!🥺😭 it truly makes a difference and I'm sure we both are living proofs of that!

After debating for a while, I've decided not to take a minor mainly because I'm so tired HAHAHAHAHAHA and I'll just do my own self-studying and exploration whilst working! Go out and explore the world, live life! Whilst ironically still staying in my room because of the COVID-19 situation in our country (cases are abt 20+k every day :') ) My proposal has been finalized and it's been accepted! It's just that some elements of my proposal is also part of my actual report, so I have some guidance to refer to in terms of structure! :3 and yes don't worry! I got plenty (sometimes a lil too much) rest during the sem break whilst remaining productive! Plus, I got to catch up w some friends and had game nights (maybe too much of game nights hehe) and movie nights w my friends which was truly refreshing! Also cuz I might not see a lot of them again after we graduate so we gotta cherish every moment 🥺😭

I'm a freelance graphic designer for my uni's newsletter! Occasionally, they'd ask us to create both the content and design! I'll place the link to my recent work below if you wanna check it out! UwU I'm trying to incorporate the same practices during sem break in my last sem (current sem) too! cuz yes mental health is so so important and I'm just tired of being academically tired you get me? :(

What makes me most trilled abt learning abt psychology is how to apply it in daily life too! I find it so fascinating and awestruck at how relatable and within reach these things are like wow we can be influenced in such ways?? :o can be both good and bad but imma stick w seeing it as the development and evolution of us humans UwU

Also, the vaccine has fixed my sleep schedule HEHE (another perk of getting vaccination :3) I got some rly good rest and managed to reset my usual sleeping time, thank you science ToT oooo I see I see, we've had cases of nurses injecting empty syringes hence the recording :( but GHIOGHWEOGIOHW I could never do that, I can feel the liquid entering me as it is so that's good enough ToT (* plays Love Talk * I can feel it coming)

OMG YOUR ART PIECES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, ADORABLE AND ELEGANT! 💖🥺🥰 it must've required a lot of hard-work and effort AHHH thankiew for showing me yr work!! it's truly unique in its own manner despite it's simplicity UwU is there a reason or backstory to yr chosen theme and objects? :3

I just Googled Somi Somi and omg that's such an UwU ice cream AHHHH 💖🥺😭 ice cream is my fav food of all time and it looks like an ice cream haven omg imagine eating it after a loooong hard day's of work ToT and OMG THE SATISFACTION OF EATING THAI MILK TEA ICE CREAM ON A HOT DAY YASSS 😋🤤 hehe if you get the chance to try milk & biscoff, do try it! It's amazing !😍 and ooo i haven't tried alcoholic ice cream before but I will one day!! :3 my alcohol tolerance is rly low though, will I get tipsy over alcoholic ice cream? We shall see UwU (i can only drink half a bottle of apple cider before my face gets red and I start getting a lil tipsy + headache)

and lovie....knowing yr school schedule now...OURS IS DEFINTELY BRUTAL OMG a 3 month long sem break huhu that's only the total amount of sem breaks we get in a year ToT i thought uni was hard but not that hard ToT

Always glad and honored to have you onboard! and AHAHAHAH the contractions about to start soon 👀 I enjoy talking to you huhu you're such a sweet and supportive person 💖🥺🥰😙 huhu for my period cramps, I've been having them since I was 12 ToT my doctor prescribed me some panadols but sometimes I can't even swallow them cuz I'd puke them out ToT I've settled w heatpacks to reduce my reliance on medicine, but I finally got some upgraded and safe to eat medicine from my gynae! She said it's fine to take it every month to keep my womb healthy and apparently my ms. lil uterus is suffering from inflammation, hence the super crazy bedridden cramps :( the upgraded medicine worked for a while, but after time it kinda didn't help either :/ but I realised that exercise rly does wonders to reduce the cramp too (gynae also recommended exercising) so i take walks and do my back stretches more frequently now! my period in the previous months (2 months ago) have been almost painless and bearable, it's so weird not seeing my bedridden ._. when I was in high school, there would always be a day in every month in which I don't attend classes, and that's solely because of my cramps. It just isn't worth suffering in school, plus we don't have a sick room :/ I hope the pain continues to subside! ToT

And ayy internship is also working experience, yr advice would be of great help to me regardless! 🥺 oh yes, I always remind myself that interviews are similar to the speaking test I took for my Cambridge English exams! That kinda help calm my nerves down a lil, but w nerves comes bigger smiles, so I guess it takes on a rather practical form of coping mechanism (sublimation) AHAHAHAHA

WAAAA WHAT A QUEEN you got an offer from every interview?? I aspire to be like you! 💖🥺🥰 huhu skill wise I believe I have lots to prepare esp in terms of case studies, and I perform rly poorly on certain assessments (*ehem * esp those concerning numbers) so I took the chance to study a lil during sem break too ToT but noted on that! I will work on that too and try to maintain that me element in interviews and overall just be myself keke

That's all from me for now! Imma wait for my supervisor's feedback and journey on w my last semester. Bon voyage! Link to my recent work: https://www.instagram.com/p/CTBqGzjr6sN/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link Other works: https://www.instagram.com/p/CPpv-IyM7Gi/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link https://www.instagram.com/p/CL55EG-MbL2/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

hi hello honey bee !!! 💓 omg i'm so sorry for the belated response, i finally got on my laptop 😭 i'm gonna put my response under the cut since it got a little long 🤧

omg 221 responses !!!!! that's so many 🙀 congratulations aaaaa it's amazing that you were able to get 3x the data you needed !!! was it difficult to run data analysis? were you able to solve the issue with the equal scores on the subscales? i hope it didn't create too much additional work for you ):

omg yes finance is really interesting! i enjoyed the classes i took for it :') how is rich dad poor dad? did you learn a lot from it? i know it was a book my prof recommended, but i never got around to reading it 😶 did you learn any helpful tips? and ooo i'll have to look into coursera! yeah, there's quite a lot of terms for finance, and it can be a little intimidating paired with all the math formulas and such, but it's pretty useful imo! how are your financial studies going so far? 💕 omg nong is such a cute word?? i would never think it meant idiot asdkfhlkajsdf omg my whole family is good at numbers and really like math, but i didn't like it 😭 my mom made me study it a lot everyday though rip are the financial calculations getting easier for you as you practice more hopefully?

yessss omg i absolutely agree with this!!!! like you can just feel when a professor loves to teach and is genuinely so excited to talk about their subject, and it just makes the most boring horrible subject into something you learn to enjoy and hate less :') and i'm really happy to hear you have tons of professors like that in the psych department 🥺💗

that's great to hear!!!! 🌷🌷 i'm glad that you're prioritizing yourself and your health, which is so much more important than taking on a minor. what fun subjects have you decided to explore and self study so far? 💞 oh my gosh, the rising cases are so high?? i hope it's gotten better there for you ): are you able to go outside yet?

big congratulations on your proposal being finalized and accepted, lovebug !!!! 🥳🥳 i'm very proud of you and hoping one day i can read your published studies in a scientific journal :') aaaa i'm so glad to hear that you got to rest and enjoy your time with your friends!! i definitely feel that omg i regret all the times i skipped out on movie nights or game nights with my friends because now we're all scattered across the country and the only way we can have them again is over zoom calls 🤧

I SAW YOUR DESIGNS AND THEY'RE GORGEOUS OMG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH !!!! 💖 I'M IN AWE AAAA IF PSYCH DOESN'T WORK OUT, I HOPE YOU BECOME A GRAPHIC DESIGNER 🤩🤩💖 and yes i totally get it ): i really felt the academic burn out when i was in college and it was really difficult at times 🤧 but i hope it's going better for you nowadays, sweetpea 💝💝

omg yeah i absolutely agree !!!! whenever i read about psychology, i keep it in the back of my mind and then when i see something irl that relates to it, i'm like :O amazing. it's so cool to learn about different psych tricks too and see how it works when you test them out yourself and whatnot. and it's really crazy to see how the human brain is so easily influenced at times ??? it truly is an amazing subject !!!

ah what a great side benefit of the vaccine - a better sleep schedule 🤩 i'm happy to hear that your schedule has been fixed 💘 and omg what ??? they're injecting empty syringes wth ????? 😭 that's absolutely horrible, are they getting sued?? lmaooooo that love talk reference askdfhlaksjd

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR KIND COMPLIMENTS 😭😭💗💗 there were many late hours spent in the art studio to finish them, but i'm really happy with the end products :') i thought light bulbs are an interesting subject to do, and my prof said that cutting out circular objects or sculpting them is the most difficult since they're made up curves and not straight lines and i was like ok bet i'm gonna do it aND I'M SO GLAD I DID BECAUSE I REALLY LIKE THEM 🥺 and i love honey bees !!! that's why i decided to paint them and we were supposed to paint them in a combined style of two artists so i tried monet's impressionist style with the short brush strokes and pop art triptych style like marjorie strider 💕

somi somi is sooo good and i just had it again a couple weeks ago :') omg ice cream is your favorite food? :o and YES ice cream is so satisfying after a long day of hard work, like it's such a nice reward to look forward to at the end of day ✨ aaaaa i have to try thai milk tea ice cream one day now !!!!! it sounds amazing 🤩 and YES i must look for places that sell milk & biscoff ice cream !! i have milk ice cream from somi somi, but i need to try to combined flavors 💘 i don't think you'll get tipsy over it !!! it's a really faint taste of alcohol, like i didn't even notice it at first, and i don't think they put very much of it in there! aksljdfhals omg you're a lightweight :o at least that means you save money on alcohol LOL i need like nine shots to get drunk 🤧

your school is too hard 😭 you need more than just 3 months of break !!! 😡 we get a week off for thanksgiving in fall semester and a week off for spring break in spring semester too and then the month long winter break and three month summer break. and we have the one day holidays off too like labor day, memorial day, etc. i can't believe they give you so little time off after working so hard???

asdfhlkajshdlksja loool are the contractions over yet? has it been born? what's the current status, doctor? 👀 i really enjoy talking to you too !!! i'm very sorry for the late responses, work is really taking over all of my time, and i never have enough time to get on my laptop to reply to my asks 😭 and thank you for saying such kind things about me 🥺🥺💝 oh my gosh, i'm so sorry to hear that you have such terrible cramps 😭 i can't even imagine going through that - mine are nowhere near as horrible 😖 do the heatpads help a lot? i'm relieved to hear that you were prescribed better medication though! but yeah, your body does eventually get used to the medication and you have to continue taking stronger meds for it to work, but that's not a very healthy solution /: but i'm really glad to hear that exercise has been helping out a lot!! 💖 hurray for almost painless and bearable periods 🥳 i'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that in high school ): that sounds absolutely horrible 😭 periods are just awful, but it's like i'm grateful that i have my period because that means i'm not pregnant, but also please go away aslkhdfaklsj

omg what was the speaking test for the cambridge english exams like? :o it sounds so formal and a lil intimidating askdjfhalsd do you know of any psych tricks that can possibly help calm your nerves? :')

aaaa yes i did !! i was really surprised that i got an offer from them all because at the time, i was not in the right major and i think i was one of the most underqualified applicants 🤧 one person who interviewed me asked why i withdrew from my engr physics class and i explained it in a kinda funny way but in my head, i was like "oof i'm not gonna get this offer anymore" but then he laughed at my response and told me about how his prof told him he should drop a guitar class he was taking because he was doing very poorly and we bonded over that aklsjdhfkals omg how do interviews for psych jobs go? do you have to discuss a lot of case studies? do they give you a list of possible case studies they'll ask about? :o what sort of assessments do you have to do? good luck on all of your interviews, honey bee 💛 i'm rooting for you, you're gonna do amazing !!!! 💘

omg what did your supervisor say about your case study? and how is your last semester going? are you almost done now? 🌸 (also how have you been? what have you been up to? thank you for taking the time to leave such detailed messages for me, i'm really excited to see all the fun updates in your life, lovebug 🌷🌷)

[kinetic-elaboration]

December 29: The Wrath of Khan

Today’s movie watching was Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.

My overall impression versus TMP is that this is clearly a smoother and more consistently entertaining film. It has a definite story with very little filler, good pacing, a lot of great little dialogue and character moments, and a strong conflict at its center.

But its sci fi bona fides are much weaker. Like by a lot.

Mom and I are talking a bit about Genesis and the more we talk, the weaker it appears to me. First, it’s not really as believable, imo, as a lot of Star Trek. Maybe it’s because it’s not alien based, but I just have a harder time suspending disbelief to think this is possible. Second, it’s not clear why anyone thought this was a good idea. I mean, as McCoy immediately pointed out, it just seems so CLEARLY dangerous: an object meant to foster creation that could so easily be the worst weapon the universe has ever known--nothing could go awry there! Third, the reason for creating such a device isn’t obvious at all. Carol mentions the “growing population” and “food scarcity” but nothing we’ve ever seen of the Federation implies they’re running out of space. Or, frankly (Tarsus IV aside), food. And fourth, there really isn’t any point to Genesis in all its particulars in this film. Like, obviously, its actual purpose is a plot device to resurrect Spock. Within just this film, it doesn’t do anything. Khan wants it, for some reason I’ve already forgotten even though I just saw the film, and he gets it, but I didn’t even notice that happening, because it was so unimportant. His REAL mission is his single minded revenge fantasy on Kirk. Genesis is just a McGuffin/space filler/plot device for the next film.

And honestly that’s not such a big deal, except that when you compare it to TMP, ,and its central idea of a human made probe that gained so much knowledge, doing what we taught it to do, that it became sentient and then started searching for the meaning of life, and how this relates to the search for meaning experienced by the main alien lead, and how his search, in that film and throughout the series, is a mirror for humans and OUR need for purpose... well it just seems really weak. “We made this really dangerous and unrealistic thing for no reason whoops!”

Mom is now criticizing Kirk for being too slow on the uptake when he first encounters the Reliant, which is fair. That’s pretty OOC of him. The idea that he’s too old for space is both one that I must personally disregard, and one that the film would have you discard, since we’ve already heard from TWO characters, the people who know him best, that his best destiny is as a starship captain, and command is his proper role. And that he might be a little rusty is also not a great explanation imo, because the rust was supposed to have come off in TMP. So, plot hole probably.

We were trying to do some math--TMP is at least 2 years post 5YM and TWOK is at least 10 years post TMP, so at least 8 years post TMP. I can understand more rust growing but like... he was already an Admiral in TMP and the idea that he was out of practice with actual command was a big part of his arc there. So it doesn’t seem warranted to do that again.

Also, the way he was commanding poorly in TMP was very IC: he was pushing too hard, trying too much, caring too much about the mission and not enough about...the laws of physics. That’s very Kirk. Being slow on the uptake, caught with his britches down--that’s not Kirk. Plus, with no one to call him out on it, like Decker did in TMP, his poor command doesn’t seem like a big character obstacle to overcome but just like...sloppiness all around.

I thought Khan was over all... just not that interesting. I guess I’m just not into the obsession/revenge plot. Also...idk man he didn’t seem that super to me. He outsmarted Kirk, like, once, and Kirk outsmarted him like 4 times. He tortured some people--but regular humans can do that. He used those sandworm thingies, which is also something humans could do. Overall, he didn’t seem to have any particularly special skills. The only time he really seemed like a worthy adversary for Kirk was when Kirk wasn’t really being IC himself.

I’m also not into the fridging of his wife. Think how much cooler it would have been if she’d still been alive! The only non-super human in the bunch and she’s still there! Ex-Starfleet and bitter!

The K/S in this film is very soothing. Imo they are clearly together here, and the whole film is better if you assume they’re boyfriends and everyone knows. That Vulcan convo that Spock and Saavik have? Waaaaay funnier if you think she’s talking about his boyfriend (”not what I expected....very human” “Well no one’s perfect”). Every time they call each other ‘friend’ like ““friend”“? All the Looks? The birthday gift?

Also the “I have been and always shall be your [friend]” scene is a wedding I will not be taking criticism on this opinion. Could it have been written more like a vow? I think not. It’s not quite This Simple Feeling but it’s the best this film has in that regard.

I liked Saavik and I do think she’s one of the better later-movie additions (though I only like her, as far as I can remember, when played by Kirstie Alley). She didn’t necessarily strike me as super alien, though, at least not at first... But I appreciated how persistent she was about the stupid test, and her regulation quoting. I enjoyed her. I also liked how she was obviously Spock’s protege, which makes her Kirk’s step-protege, and they had just a little bit of that awkward dynamic going on. (”Did you change your hair?”)

The Bones and Kirk relationship was great in this film. You can really feel their friendship and their history with each other. Bones knows him so well and can be honest with him, just when Kirk needs it most.

I also love how Kirk has the SAME conversation with both Bones and Spock (re: being a captain again) but with Spock it’s sooooo much flirtier. In case you weren’t sure what the difference in these two relationships is.

Bonus: this bit of dialogue: Spock: “Be careful, Jim.” / Bones: “WE will.” Lol Spock people who aren’t your boyfriend do exist.

Obviously, I cried during THAT scene. Honestly AOS should have taken note about how to do emotional scenes like that: they come after the main action is over and the villain is defeated. Then they hit at the right time and to the right degree. Kirk just slumping down after Spock dies....like he’s boneless...like he doesn’t know what to do... I CANNOT.

I feel so bad for him that I’ll even forgive him that awful eulogy. Spock died for Genesis? Uh, no, he died for the Enterprise, and for YOU. Spock is the “most human”? You shut your whoreson mouth

I remember hating both Carol and David but I actually hated them less this time, Carol especially. My mom is being really harsh about her, though, which makes me feel less confident in my assessment. I mean first off, she’s the inventor of Genesis, which is a pretty big strike against her. Second...pretty lame to keep Kirk from David. Although I did some vague math and Kirk would only have been about 21, still in the Academy, when David was born, so you can see how that would work out. Also, she distinctly says “Were we together?” which means they were not--this was a fuck buddy arrangement for sure. More complicated. But it still feels weird to retcon that, like, he’s known THIS WHOLE TIME that he’s a dad and we’re only learning about it now, as an audience.

Anyway I’m getting off track. Carol. What to make of her? Is she unstable? Is she still mad at Kirk? My mom points out that she just decided on her own that David would want to join Starfleet if he knew Kirk was his father--whereas what seems to have happened instead is he didn’t just become a civilian scientist like his mom but became her specific protege--working on a project where everyone was probably handpicked by her? I would assume? Also..he hates Starfleet. Not to put everything on the mom, but how did that happen?

Also...going down the rabbit hole of this and feeling awkward about it... but David KNEW Kirk. As “that guy you hung around with.” That means Kirk was in his life for quite a while, long enough for him to have memories, and long enough for those memories to still be with him even into his 20s. But he was never allowed to know who Kirk was. That means Carol’s rule must have been “You can see your son but you can’t tell him who you are” which in some way seems meaner to me than just “please don’t contact us again.” If he was already on his way into space, that could even make sense--”I know you’re not going to be able to be a family with us, so let’s not pretend, let’s make a clean break now.” But that wasn’t what happened!

Anyway whatever not to be HAICG!Kirk about this or anything lol

David is mostly annoying because he’s so anti-Kirk lol. I found him least annoying when he came around to Kirk at the end. Another big strike against him: he wore his sweater tied over his shoulders in such a Preppy manner. I honestly don’t see what about him is supposed to be reminiscent of Kirk.

David/Saavik was definitely happening lol. I wish I could have heard that conversation. It sounds like she told him a lot!!! Not sure why she attached herself to this particular annoying human so fast but I guess she did.

....I think that might be all. The uniforms and general styling were much better than TMP (though less funny/entertaining), and it was certainly an enjoyable overall yarn. A lot to pick apart and critique but in a fun way. Will probably watch The Search for Spock soon.

[aishabby02]

Love as its Darkest| O1

➳ Sammury: You were a nursing student. Your life was barely just starting. One day you get an unexpected visit in school that turns your world upside down. Your life was full of lies and you were going to find out in the worst possible ways.

➳ Paring: Reader/Jungkook, Reader/Taehyung, BTS/Reader—not in a romantic way

➳ Genre: Future Agst, Future smut, violence, gang ralated stuff, fluff, death

➳ Tags: Bts!mafia, Jungkook!mafia au, Taehyung!mafia, forced-marriage, Mafia leader brother-Jimin, BTS OT7, Exo members

➳ A/N: Heyy guys, this is my first written story. I hope you guys like it. I already have the next chapter written. I’ll see how this one goes and I’ll post the next one. It might have a few grammatical errors for English it’s not my first language. Please bare with me lol & always remember that these characters are fictional. I DONOT in any way think the members would ever act this way. 🥰❤️ thanks xoxoxo———————————————————————

You were sitting in your Health Assessment class, paying close attention to your teacher as he talks more in depth about the study-guide for your upcoming exam. You were relieved that it was your last class of the day. It was your 3rd quarter of nursing school and you were extremely exhausted.

You often wondered and worried on how you were going to pull all the way through. Maybe you were just being selfish, as all you have to do was study and focus on school, while others have to do the same, plus work a full time job to pay their classes. You’ve been raised with a silver spoon and have no idea of what it’s really a struggle to get what you want without the help of others.

Your father died when your mother was pregnant of you in a tragic car accident, so you never got the chance to meet him. However, God has blessed you with a wonderful step-father that has raised you since you were 3 years old. When your mother remarried, your mom, older brother and you moved over to Korea because that’s were your step-father lived. So Korea is all you know.

Your parents have provided you everything since you can remember, but you wanted to be independent. You wanted to travel and see what’s out there in other countries.

You always knew since you were little you wanted to be in the medical field. You just didn’t know what type of occupation in the medical field you wanted to do. So you thought nursing should be a good start, until you get more familiarized in the field and figure out what you really want to do.

————————————————————

You were paying attention to your teacher when the dean of the school entered the class.

“Professor Choi, do you happened to have Ms. Park Y/N with you?” the dean of the school asked. Your professor walked to her with an annoyed face and answered. “Yes, I do. However, my class is about to end in a few minutes. If you don’t mind I would like for Ms. Park to finished the class, for it’s really important for her to hear the whole review for the upcoming exam.”

You sat there not knowing what to do. You knew you didn’t want to miss anything from the review, but you were also wondering why would the dean of the school wanted to see you.

The dean of the school looked at your teacher and frown, and while shaking her head answer “I’m afraid not, this is urgent.” With that your teacher looked at you and spoked. “You heard the lady Ms. Park.”

With that you hurriedly clean your stuff off your desk and put all your belongings in your book-back. While you were putting everything away your friend Seulbi told you not to worried because she has been recording the whole class and once the class is done she’ll send you the recording. You looked at her with a smile and whisper a “thank you”.

You quietly fallowed the dean to her office. When you guys got into her office you were extremely surprised to see your brother there. If he was here personally something bad must have happened.

With wide eyes and a worried face you ask your brother what was he doing here. “Oppa, why are you here?”

He looks at you with a sad expression and tells you “Y/N, sweetheart we need to talk.”

Your heart starts to pound loudly in your chest. If the fact that your brother himself was actually here to tell you this, had you nervous, seeing his sad expression had you waiting for the worst.

The dean of the school softly cough. “I’ll be outside if you guys need anything.” You look at her leave and than focused on your brother.

Your brother patted the seat beside him and you slowly walked and sat next to him. You can tell your brother was nervous, and that puts you more on edge. The fact that he was dragging this, made you ever more anxious.

“Jesus, Jimin fucking speak already. Your killing me here!” you shouted.

He looked at you and spoke softly. “Y/N, something horrible has happened.”

You scoffed. “No shit, you wouldn’t be here otherwise. Stop dragging it, and just say whatever it is.”

Jimin sat there looking at you. On the ride there he was thinking on how to tell you this . He made up his mind that the best way to do it was to tell you right away and not beat around the bushes. But seeing you here in front of him and thinking on how this is going to break you, had him doubting wether he can actually have the courage to tell you or not. You were the most important person to him in this entire world and he would do anything in this world to spare you from any sadness, but this was unavoidable.

He finally spoke at the edge of tears “Y/N, i-it’s mom and dad, they h-have...” Jimin runs a hand through his hair. Fuck. This was so hard for him to do.

You were so anxious and worried on what the hell he was trying to say, that you put your hands on his shoulder and gently shaked him. “Jimin, please just tell me whatever it is. I’m stressing out and your not making anything better.”

He just got up and hug you tightly, while whispering “Mom and Dad has p-passed away, I’m sorry.”

You felt like a whole bucket of iced cold water has been dropped on you. Your whole entire body shaking. You can’t believe this. No. Jimin has to be lying. Your parents were perfectly find this morning.

“Y-you’re lying, please Jimin tell me you are lying!” you shouted, your eyes boiling with tears as you imagine the slightest possibility of this being true.

Jimin’s heart ache, if the news of his parents death killed him inside, the scene before his eyes shatter his heart in a million pieces. But he wanted, no needed to be strong for you.

“ No Y/N it’s true, I’m so sorry sweetheart. I’m so so sorry..” he hugged you tightly while crying. You felt like your whole world has come crushing down. You can’t accept the fact that your parents will no longer be there for you.

“O-oh my God...” you cried hysterically while pulling on Jimin’s shirt “ P-please Jimin... that can’t be true.” You started pacing around the room like a crazy person.

“I-I just had breakfast with them this morning.”

Jimin went up to you and hold you in place. “I know Y/N. It was an accident”. You looked at him in denial.

No! You refused to believe that God would take your parents away. Even so, In another accident, wasn’t he happy of taking your biological father away the same way? You couldn’t deal with all the different emotions you were feeling. You just wanted to get out of there and hide away forever and cried until you die. The thought of not having your parents around, makes you cry in agony. The scene playing in your mind of them not seeing you graduate, as it was their dream, makes your heart contrast with pain. It was too much for you and Jimin knew it.

He got closed to you and spoked softly “lets go home.” You didn’t even heard what he said, you body was physically there but your mind and soul were elsewhere. Jimin just gently push you out of the school.

The ride home was quiet. Jimin and the driver haven’t said a word. As the car enters Jimin’s mansion and comes to a stop, Jimin helps you out of the car.

“Y/N sweetheart, have you eaten anything?” you look at your brother like he has three heads. He can’t be fucking serious. Our parents just die and he worries about if I have eaten something. How can he be so fucking calm about this.

“Jimin, I want to be alone.” You replied.

“I know Y/N, but you need to eat something.” He said while rubbing your back.

“No! Jimin I don’t. My parents just fucking die. OUR PARENTS!! H-honestly I don’t know how you are so calm about it, but the last thing in my mind right now is eating. I honestly just want to fucking die!” you shout while sobbing.

Jimin was taken aback. You never shout at him but he knew that you weren’t in your right mind right now. So he just told one of the maids to set a room up for you.

“Don’t fucking say that Y/N. Our parents death broke me but you need me and I need to be strong for you.” he said while holding the urge to cry for your sake.

You looked at him and just started crying even more. It’s not his fault and honestly you are taking all of this out on him and it’s not fair. After all, your brother has always and will always be there for you. He is all you’ve got now.

You spoke in between sobs. “ I-I’m sorry oppa.” you wiped your tears of your face. “I just can’t believe t-this, and it’s not fair to you.” You said. Jimin just nodded and told you that everything will be fine. He than told you to go and rest for a little bit. That he will check up on you in a few hours. You agreed and follow the maid to your new supposed bedroom.

Once you got to the room you started screaming, crying, swinging, everything possible to take these feelings of sadness, anger, disappointment away. You did so until you felt asleep out of exhaustion.

At the other end of the house Jimin was in his office. When he got there and knew he was alone. He just broke down and started crying. He was holding it in for you, but he can no longer keep it inside. He was crying, while he heard a knock on the door.

He wiped his tears away and cleared his throat. “Yes, who is it? I wish to not be bothered right now.” He said in a low tone.

On the other side of the door a woman answered. “It’s me baby, please let me be with you through this. Open this door Jimin.”

As soon as Jimin heard the woman’s voice he ran to the door. He open the door and hug her tightly, so tightly that the woman complained in pain. “Ahh.. J-Jimin baby your hurting me.” He slowly let go of her.

“I’m sorry baby, I-I just… you are the only person who I can break down like this with.” He said while crying. Hannah simply looked at him softly and kissed him were his tears have been. Hanna was Jimin’s girlfriend. They have been together for 4 years.

“I know baby, I’m here for you.” she said while hugging him tightly. They were like this for a while. Until Hannah spoke. “How is Y/N taking this?”

He looked away and stared at the window. “How do you think, she is fucking broken… I-I can deal with this, I don’t care if I hurt…b-but seeing her like that kills me inside.”

Hannah simply nodded. She knew you were the most important person to him and you were precious to him. She was more worried about what Jimin was going to do about what has happened, than what is going on right now. She spoked softly. “I know baby, it will take some time for her to heal, for you as well. But she was more attached to them, since she was still living with them.” She took a short breath before asking. “What will you do about this Jimin, I’m fucking worried sick about you? T-the guys are too.”

Jimin sigh deeply. He has cried it out, this pain will never fade, but he has to learn to adapt to it. But now it’s time to put this aside and deal with what has really happened to your parents. Jimin didn’t want to tell you that your parents were murder because you were not aware of your family business and he wanted to keep it that way. You were so innocent, so not part of this type of life, that he wishes you never learned about it. Your stepfather was the leader of one out of the 3 biggest and more respected and feared gangs in Seoul. Jimin being his son has now gain that title.

Jimin has being in the mafia with his stepfather since he was 12, so he knew that eventually something like this could happened were he would be passed down the title as the leader of Bloodhounds. He never thought this would happened though, he never saw the death of your parents coming.

He spoked in a low tone “Hannah, I need you to do me a favor.”

She simply nodded and asked him right away what was it. He then answered “Call all the members and tell them we are going to have an urgent meeting.” She knew this was not a good sign but regardless she agreed and did as she was told.

[13-reasons-ideas]

Finding Peace in Another Part 4

The next few days went relatively well and without any notable incidents, just usual high school crap. Classes were still boring, people still gossiped. It was all the same shit, just a different day. 

Tests were still given and teachers stressed the importance of maintaining your GPA for college or University. It was all the same shit, just a different day. I had only been at school for three days, but I quickly fell into the swing of how things work around here, which was jarringly different from my school back home, though I knew my school was a special case. Jocks are in charge, people like Tyler Down were at the bottom of the proverbial food chain. I tended to drift between the top and middle depending on who I was hanging out with at the time. I was still new and shiny to these people, they didn’t care that I hung out with jocks who were assholes to my other friends or the regular kids like Clay, Tony, and Alex. They probably thought I would decide where I wanted to sit in the chain eventually. I don’t really care. I’ll hang out with who I want when I want. Most of the gossip never made its way to me and if it did, I didn’t really care. Montgomery and I texted fairly regularly during the day. But the same could be said for Zach and I or any of my other friends, so it wasn’t that different. I didn’t think into it too much. Maybe there was a little harmless flirting, but we are teenagers. It’s to be expected. He probably is just enamoured with the new girl. Doesn’t mean anything serious by it. I though to myself.

A couple of days before my dad was due home however, something changed. I was in bed reading when I heard something hit my window. Assuming it was just an acorn or something falling, I ignored it going back to my book. Until it happened again. And then again. Getting up, I went to the window and looked down. Standing under my window, was Montgomery de la Cruz. He looked up with what appeared to be a bruise forming on his face, though I couldn’t be sure given the height I was looking down from and the darkness. I pointed for him to go to the front door and I would be there in a minute. Throwing on a sweater to cover my body, I ran down the stairs to greet him. I gasped when I opened the door. His right eye was bruised and there was a gash above his eyebrow that looked somewhat deep. His lip was split and bleeding, his knuckles cut open and caked in dry blood. Quickly ushering him inside, I brought him upstairs to my bathroom, where I kept an extra first aid kit and some rubbing alcohol. Sitting on the toilet he watched me closely as I gathered all the necessary things to patch him up. Finally speaking, I heard him whisper “I didn’t know where else to go.” 

Eyeing him closely I wet a cloth to try and wipe up some of the blood that had trickled down his face. “It’s okay. Let’s just get you cleaned up?” I said, though it sounded more like a question, as I moved from his face to his knuckles. The cloth wasn’t doing much to remove the dry blood, so I motioned for him to stand at the sink. “I need you to stand and put your hand under the water, the cloth isn’t doing enough.” I explained while I rinsed his hand. I saw him wince and hiss at the water and I apologized. “I have to clean off the blood before I can do anything. Do you have any other injuries?” He shook his head. After the blood was cleaned off his hand, I took some cotton and put a bit of rubbing alcohol on his knuckles. 

“Fuck that stings.” He said, as he pulled his hand away. I took it again. 

“I know. I’m sorry. I need to disinfect it before I can assess the full damage and bandage it. It’s usually better if I don’t say anything, just go ahead and do it.” I said as I put some more alcohol on a cotton pad and gently cleaned his cut up knuckles. Nodding towards his face, I told him “I’ll clean that up more after I get your hand cleaned, bandaged and under some frozen peas.” I let out a small laugh as he tilted his head at me, clearly confused.

“Peas? As in the little green vegetables children hate?” 

“Exactly.”

“Uh... why? Can’t you just use an ice pack or ice cubes?” 

Shaking my head, I laughed again before explaining the method to my supposed madness as I bandaged his hand. “My Mom always used peas on my our injuries. More flexible than an ice pack and smaller than ice cubes so they get in all the nooks and crannies. Better coverage because the bag is more malleable than an ice pack or ice cubes. Plus snacks.” He nodded but seemed skeptical. “I’ll be right back. Stay here. I’m not done with you yet. And speaking of snacks, are you hungry? I can heat up some leftovers from dinner.” I could see he wanted to say yes but didn’t want to impose. “It’s not a problem. I’ll make you a plate and be right back with the peas.” I didn’t wait for a response as I ran downstairs. I got together a plate of the leftover pasta I had made, heating up a dish of sauce and setting a dish of cheese on the side unsure of his preferences for pasta and sauce. While the pasta and sauce heated up, I grabbed the peas and made my way back upstairs. He was right where I left him. “I hope pasta is okay. I heated some sauce up on the side because I wasn’t sure if you liked sauce, but if I didn’t heat it up then you would have liked it and then I would have-“

“You ramble when you’re nervous don’t you?” He asked cutting me off, though he smiled as he said it.

“Uh... I may have been told that once or twice, yeah.” 

“Only once or twice huh?” He chuckled. 

“Oh hush you.” I shushed him, holding back my laughter. Carefully placing the peas on his hand, I set to work getting his face taken care of. “Well there’s not much I can do about the bruising or your lip, but I can bandage that cut up. I need to clean it, and it’s going to sting more than your hand so I’m sorry. You can hold my hand if you want.” I held my hand out to him and smiled softly and I felt him grab it. Dipping a q-tip in some alcohol, I carefully cleaned around the cut to get any remaining blood off the edges. “Okay. This is probably going to hurt, so I’m sorry.” I told him before I carefully cleaned over the cut. He squeezed my hand as he sucked in a breath and swore under his breath. “I’m sorry. I’m almost done, just hang on one more second.” I talked him through the pain as I finished cleaning the wound. I waited a second for the alcohol to fully dry before I found a piece of gauze that was the right size and adhered it with some medical tape. As we finished, the microwave beeped and I stood him up, still holding his hand. Making a quick stop at my room for my book, I walked him back downstairs to have a bite to eat. 

As we sat down, he asked me “aren’t you going to ask about it?”

I looked at him questioningly “ask about what?”

“Why I’m here in the middle of the night? Why my face is bruised and cut up? Or why I needed you to spend your night cleaning me up?” He asked, obviously unsure about his feelings and confused about my lack of questions. 

I looked at him and cocked my head to the side. “Did you want me to ask about it? Because I can. I just don’t see a point in asking about it if you probably wouldn’t tell me anyway. What happened is your business. You can tell me if you want, and I will listen. Or you can not tell me, eat your pasta, and go to sleep. The choice is yours.” I told him, not unkindly. He nodded a little and ate his pasta in silence while I curled up on the chair and read my book, the bag of peas still on his hand. After he was done, I removed the bag and checked the swelling. “It seems to have gone down some. I can take it off now and then if you need it later, you can get the bag again.” 

“Okay.” 

“Did you want to sleep on the couch or with me? The guest room isn’t totally unpacked yet. And by that I mean the bed hasn’t been built and the mattress is old and lumpy and not worth sleeping on. But if you’re uncomfortable then you can totally sleep there. It’s fine.” He looked at me, surprised by my forwardness once again. 

“Uh... are you really offering to share your bed with a guy you barely know?” 

I nodded as if it wasn’t a big deal. “Yes? I mean, the couch is nice. It’s comfortable for a nap, but I wouldn’t want to sleep on it through the night. As long as there’s no funky business going on, I don’t see an issue?” I said, using the term I had always heard Jake use for sex. 

He thought for a second. “I’ll sleep with you, if you don’t mind. And I would like to be gone before Bryce leaves for school. He will ask questions I don’t want to answer otherwise.” He decided. I nodded in understanding.

“Alright. Just so you know, I sleep on the outside of the bed, so if you need to get up in the night, just wake me. I also sleep in the fetal position, so you’ll have lots of room.” I held my hand out for him to take again. He took it gratefully and I took him upstairs to my bed. As he stripped down to his T-shirt and boxers and crawled into bed, I made sure to set an extra alarm for him so he would be gone in time. I crawled into bed beside him and tried not to think about the last time I had a boy in my bed. Oh how I missed Bailey. Rolling onto my back, I heard Montgomery ask me a question. 

“Rebecca? How did you know how to clean and bandage me up so easily?” 

Sighing, I shrugged. “My friends back home tended to need patching up from time to time. I guess I just got used to it. It’s almost second nature now.” 

“Hmmm.” I heard him acknowledge my answer. I thought he had fallen asleep when I heard him speak again. “Thank you for not prying tonight.” 

“You’re welcome. Go to sleep now okay?”

“Mmmkay. G’night Becca.” He muttered, half asleep. 

“Good night Monty.” I said into the darkness before falling asleep. When I woke up in the morning he was gone and his side of the bed was cold. There was a note on the pillow that read ‘thanks. See you at school.’ 

[lesbeet]

this might be a strange question but what goes into becoming a teacher? i've been thinking about becoming a teacher and i'm nervous even though it's something i really think i want to do and i'm curious as to how you go about becoming one like what courses/requirements do you need to take and how do you come up with a lesson plan and everything? and how did you know teaching was something you wanted to do or realize it was something you would be good at?

hm well i can only tell you about my own experience, which i would say is probably pretty unorthodox, but it’s been working really well for me! 

so i’ve been working on a masters in teaching for english/language arts grades 5-12 from western governors university, which is an (accredited) online program for aspiring teachers who need to be licensed as teachers in general as well as certified/endorsed in their particular subject areas. depending on what you want to teach, there are a couple of undergrad teaching degrees they offer (i believe it’s elementary ed, special ed, and a couple of different math and science programs), but to do like language arts or social studies etc, you’d need to have a bachelors degree to qualify -- though i also did my bachelors at wgu (in business management sdklfdjskdflsjd i hated it) so it doesnt need to be education-related or anything

if you wanna know more about my particular program let me know, bc it works fairly unusually but is a legitimate post-secondary educational institution and is also incredibly affordable, and idk what i’d be doing if i hadnt found out that it existed lmao

but so yeah idk what an education undergrad would consist of, but for my program in particular there were a lot of english content classes, obviously, like secondary disciplinary literacy, english pedagogy, secondary reading instruction and interventions, stuff like that

and then there were a lot of more generalized pedagogical courses, like educational assessment, foundational perspectives of education, classroom management, fundamentals of diversity and inclusion, principles of psychology: child and adolescent development, and stuff like that

again, this is just based on my own experience, but re: lesson plans, i actually just had some assignments for my courses where i had to write them and justify the thought process behind the decisions i made! like in my english pedagogy course, i had to write 3 essays (one for a literature-based lesson, one for a grammar-based lesson, and one for a writing-based lesson), and in each essay there was a section where i had to plan an entire lesson using their lesson plan format, and then explain and justify why i made each choice that i made. 

i’m starting student-teaching next semester, as soon as we get back from winter break, and i assume i’ll get more practice with lesson-planning through that, but basically it kind of comes down to like...figuring out the standards your students are supposed to reach, then figuring out how you’re going to break them down into a curriculum, and then for each lesson you figure out what objectives/goals you want your students to reach by the end, and you figure out how to present the material and then assess in some way whether or not the students understand it. once you know what the purpose of a lesson plan is (whether re: the idea of lesson plans in general, or a specific lesson plan you’re working on), the rest is just figuring out how to achieve that purpose. and it comes with practice! and trial and error, and figuring out what works and doesnt work with your own teaching style and in your classroom, etc. ik that’s super vague but so much of it depends of the parameters you’re given—like while i’m student-teaching i won’t be picking the books we read, so i’ll already have that requirement figured out for me, yknow?

as for your last question, my mom has been teaching my whole life, and my dad started teaching when i was about 10. my aunt is also a teacher, and my other aunt is a speech-language pathologist, so. i grew up around teachers kfjsldkfjs

i’ve just always liked explaining things to people and helping them understand them! i think really what it comes down to is that i just have a lot of passion and a lot of things to say sldfksjdkflj like i really do believe that english/language arts in particular is applicable in all parts of life, because all people communicate. i can’t speak for like. calculus or biology or whatever, but 99.9999% of people will need to do some sort of reading, and some sort of writing and/or speaking and/or communication of some type or another, and for all of the “the curtains are just blue!!!” whiners out there, it’s crucial to know how to communicate with others, and to understand what others are attempting to communicate to you, and i can’t think of a single scenario in which that isn’t the case. 

plus like, idk a single person who doesn’t like some form of story, whether through tv shows or movies or books or plays or podcasts or video games etc etc etc, and imo those can all be enhanced and made even better by having some sort of background knowledge of storytelling as an art, or as a process, or as an established medium with its own structures and intertextual lexicon etc! like the more i read about the art and history of storytelling, the more i enjoy movies and tv shows (which i already love and watch frequently), bc storytelling isn’t just a textual medium!

tbh part of the reason i think i’m good at explaining things is because i grew up in an emotionally abusive household, and i learned very early on how to anticipate the way another person (usually my dad lol) would interpret something i said to him, regardless of what i actually meant by it. so i subconsciously learned to apply that skill to other people, and now i’ve got sort of a knack for being able to cater my explanations to different people based on how i think they’ll best understand the information, and not just in a classroom setting—like i sometimes serve as a mediator/”interpreter” when my sister and my dad are having difficult conversations, because i know them both well enough, and the way they think well enough, that when one of them says something, i can usually understand both their intention AND how the other person is going to interpret it, and i can rephrase or explain things so miscommunication doesn’t end up making the problem worse

so in a classroom, i can explain things in several different ways, and if i’m working one-on-one with different kids i can usually figure out what isn’t clicking and can try another way to explain it. also bc my adhd brain processes information by making connections to other things i already know, i’m particularly good at coming up with (often unusual) metaphors or analogies for things, and people are like “oh wow ok that’s a weird way to explain it but i definitely get it now” and stuff

so basically i’ve learned bc of necessity how to communicate more effectively with others, and because i want everyone else to get the enjoyment out of language arts that i do, i’m drawn to teaching because i hope to help the students find at least some area of it that they’re interested in, and to show them that literature/storytelling/communication aren’t just about reading old boring books written by racist white dudes who hated women, but about learning to represent and interpret and take part in the human experience, because the foundation of any sort of society is communication, and that very basic desire to be understood by others

so even when i didnt actively Want To Be A Teacher it was always kinda in the back of my mind like “well if i dont find anything else i wanna do, i can always be an english teacher” bc most of my favorite teachers growing up were english teachers, and even at my absolute worst i did just fine in those classes, even when i hadnt read the books we were discussing (which was most of the time jsdklfsjd which is now kind of a problem for me as a teacher so i do think i shot myself in the foot there but oh well, i was 14)

anyway, as usual that got super long, but i hope it was helpful! lemme know if you have any other questions :)

[peterstanslizzie]

Re-watching Lizzie Mcguire: Episode 1.6 (Jack of All Trades)

- We first see Mr. Pettis administering a career aptitude test to his 7th grade students. I don’t think my teachers ever handed out those before back in my day. After class, Gordo mentions to his friends that Mr. Pettis has been giving his Bs in Science all semester because he hates Gordo.

- It’s strange because he is usually a straight-A student and the standard of his work is always two steps above the class average. Gordo can’t seem to figure out why that is but we will eventually find out later in the episode.

Career Mismatch & Matt’s New Identity

- At home, Lizzie informs her parents about the career aptitude test she had to take and her parents tell her that they too had taken one before. Jo Mcguire was supposed to be a rock diva with a renowned shoe collection and Sam Mcguire was supposed to be along the lines of a mechanical engineer.

This reminds me of Phineas and Ferb where Phineas, Ferb and Candace’s mom was a famous pop star in the eighties who went by the name of Lindana

- We then hear Matt telling his family that from now on, he wants his name to be ‘M-Dogg’ in reference to Snoop Dogg because he expresses he wants to be different from the rest of his classmates. Both Jo and Sam are not so thrilled about this but at the same time, they don’t want to discourage him.

I wonder how did Matt manage to get this made?

- The next morning, Matt heads to the front door to leave for school and he is dressed in a sort of ‘urban/street‘ getup and Jo demands he changes into something more appropriate. He even installed an ‘M-Dogg’ identity plate on the back of his bike.

Results of the Career Aptitude Test are In

- Mr. Pettis announces that the class is required to carry out an individual science project as part of their unit of the human brain.

- As Lizzie, Gordo and Miranda are waiting anxiously for their test results, they discuss about their future career goals; Lizzie wants to work in an interesting job that requires a lot of travel but at the same time, allowing her plenty of time to take care of her future twins. In reference to the new revival series coming out in 2020, we now know that Lizzie is working as an apprentice to a NYC decorator. I wonder if it fits all the criteria for her ideal job. Miranda just wants to be rich; Don’t we all...

This is not what they envisioned exactly...

- They finally receive their results and they were unsurprisingly off the mark. Miranda is matched to become a Navy Seal, Lizzie gets Cosmetologist her future career and Gordo gets Blackjack Dealer. I think out of all these careers, I’d rather be what Gordo got but I don’t think I could handle being in a room full of smokers (I presume that many casinos have mostly smoking areas?). Plus, I’d probably have to work late hours to make a decent amount of money.

- They take their results too seriously, especially Miranda because she cannot bear to get her hair wet. But Gordo as well gets a bit too hung up about the idea of becoming a Blackjack Dealer.

M-Dogg Goes Too Far

- Lizzie is almost finished with her science project on the Human Brain, which is basically a poster diagram of the central nervous system but she runs of out ink in her marker. She asks Matt for help but forgets to address him as ‘M-Dogg’ and he straight up ignores her. Even when she starts calling him ‘M-Dogg’, he still doesn’t want to help her find another marker.

- Lizzie was clever enough to threaten him to tell everyone that he sleeps on dorky action hero bed sheets. He got the message and immediately hands her over the marker, which was in his hand the whole time.

- Similar to Episode 2, ‘Picture Day’ when Matt pretended to be sick and Jo decided to play a trick on him by making his time at home miserable, his parents kinda do the same thing here by really going for it and addressing him as ‘M-Dogg’ no matter what. Sam even wants Matt to call him ‘Dee Dee’ at all times and Jo wants him to call her ‘Miu Miu’. Like Prada’s Miu Miu lol?

- They’re essentially doing the same thing that Matt has been doing to them and Matt doesn’t respond well to it and starts regretting his decision to request he be called a different name.

Gordo and Lizzie Switches Projects

- Later that night, Lizzie and Gordo are chatting over the phone and Gordo asks Lizzie if they could switch science projects because he realizes that no matter how brilliant his work is, he is always going to end up getting a B. He essentially wants to make sure his project gets the grade it deserves. Lizzie isn’t so sure about it and tells him that she would think about it overnight.

- The thought about them switching projects and passing it off as their own actually made me cringe a bit just because in college, that is considered plagiarism and that comes with a pretty hefty penalty.

I don’t think I could ever build something like this, even as a Biochemistry student at Imperial College London, where I graduated from.

- At school the next day, Gordo shows his friends his amazing, electronic 3D  model of the brain in which each section of the brain can be stimulated with the push of a button. He also warns that pressing 2 or more buttons at the same time would overheat the brain model and something bad might potentially happen. Despite all the complications present, Lizzie caves in and agrees to switch in her mediocre project for Gordo’s. Sorry, I had to call a spade a spade  and well, she eventually gets a C on her work.

- Mr. Pettis is very impressed with Lizzie’s project and deems it to be A+ grade material. He even asks her if she ever considered a career in Neurology, which somehow triggered Gordo and he confesses to him that he is the one behind that project. He even manages to sneak in a slight diss at Lizzie by saying that she and the rest of his classmates are busy at the water-park trading beanie babies. Gordo! That is so not cool hahaha.

- Enraged with emotions, Gordo begins to demonstrate what his 3D model can do by pushing the buttons of his brain model a bit too quickly one after the other and tells off Mr. Pettis at the same time for not giving him proper credit for all the work he has done over the year.

I really hope the inside of that brain model is just water

- Because of that, his brain model starts heating up and it suddenly explodes and all the gunk from the brain flies straight right into Gordo, Mr. Pettis and Lizzie’s face.

- Mr. Pettis dismisses the class and Gordo is forced to stay behind and before Lizzie could sneak out, she gets called out for plagiarism by Mr. Pettis. Lizzie, who clearly did not understand the concept of plagiarism before this is sure to comprehend it from now on.

Lizzie and Miranda are curious to find out what’s going to happen to Gordo. Lizzie evens asks Miranda to give her a boost so that she can eavesdrop on their conversation through the upper window of the door.

Gordo Learns a Life Lesson

- Gordo confesses to Mr. Pettis that is was his idea to get Lizzie to switch projects with him because he feels it was impossible for him to get a fair grade from his teacher. Mr. Pettis reveals to Gordo that the reason he has been giving him Bs all year is because ever since he got an A- in his first project, he feels like Gordo has been coasting along and not pushing himself to deliver his best work.

Gordo and Mr. Pettis shares a heartwarming moment together

- In turn, this actually caused Gordo to push himself and work 2-weeks straight on his brain model, which is A+ material. So, Mr. Pettis’s technique to get Gordo to bring his A game worked. I get his intention, I really do. But somehow, credit should be given where credit is due. 

- Like, I suspect that all of Gordo’s B-grade projects are all worth As if he were to be judged accordingly based on the class curve. But because Mr. Pettis holds him to such a high standard, Gordo is assessed very differently from his peers. But all in all, I really enjoyed this moment between the two. Mr. Pettis just wants Gordo to not rest on being safe and wants him to strive for excellence. And I think these are the best kinds of teachers to have.

- We also get word that even Mr. Pettis doesn’t take the career aptitude test seriously and that when he took the test back in school, he was matched to be a ‘rodeo clown’. These tests are meant to open up their horizons on the different careers out there. Well, I never take these tests seriously at all from the get-go.

Way to play it cool Miranda and Lizzie lol

As Lizzie and Miranda try to eavesdrop again, Gordo opens the door and accidentally scares them, which causes them to both fall. Gordo tells them that after talking to Mr. Pettis, he learns he doesn’t actually hate him and that he can probably get an A by the end of the semester.

M-Dogg is Finished, Finally!

- During dinner at the Mcguire household, Lizzie and her parents are doing all  they can to go along with their strategy of only addressing Matt as ‘M-Dogg’ and only responding to him if he calls them their ‘Dee Dee’ and ‘Miu Miu’ names at all times.

- Matt is weird out by this and he tells his parents that he wants to take back his own name if he is able to call his parents mom and dad again. Well, Sam and Jo’s strategy paid off well without having to reprimand him or force him to change back his name. I just hope Matt soon learns how to detect when his parents are playing mind games on him.

Overall Thoughts

- This was a solid episode. There was a really good lesson to take away from the story-line involving Gordo and Mr. Pettis, which is the importance of maximizing your potential and not being too comfortable in being average when you are better than that. Even for the younger kids, they would learn that switching your work with another person and passing it off as your own is considered plagiarism and that could result in marks deducted off your grade or even suspension in more serious cases.

- Again, I really don’t care about Matt’s ‘M-Dogg’ story-line. I said it once and I will say it again, it’s just episode filler. Fortunately, there are some story-lines involving Matt that are interesting and is full of depth later in the series but I would say that especially in Season 1, it’s more filler than depth in my opinion.

[flowers-creativity]

Whumptober day 11

Fandom: Stranger Things Characters: Max Mayfield, Lucas Sinclair, Erica Sinclair (supporting: Nancy Wheeler, Jonathan Byers) Warnings: Blood, minor injury

Prompt: Stitches

Summary: Erica and Lucas fight a lot but in the end, they’re family

Notes: First time writing Erica, I hope she is IC. Also very rough and off-the-cuff.

Fun fact: the idea for the injury is actually taken from the same happening to me (glass (bottle), tiled kitchen floor, shard to the leg). Mine was not quite so severe as I made it for poor Erica here but I still have the scar.

"Hey!"

Lucas smiled at her. "Hi!" He grabbed Max's hand and pulled her towards him, giving her a quick kiss. When he let her go again, his face clouded over, though. "I'm sorry, Max, I can't come out today."

"Huh?" Max raised an eyebrow at her boyfriend. "Did you get grounded?"

Lucas rolled his eyes. "I'd actually prefer that," he grumbled. Louder, he continued: "No, Mom and Dad had to go to some appointment they forgot about, so--" he hooked his thumb over his shoulder towards the living room, "I'm stuck with her."

From behind him, she could hear Erica's voice: "Screw you, Lucas!"

Max laughed. "Babysitting?" At his answering nod, she smiled and gave him a little push into the house. "I'll help. We can just hang out here."

His face lit up, and he seized her hand again, squeezing it. "You're awesome – thank you."

Max just nodded – it was not much of a sacrifice. As much as she liked going to the arcade and hanging out with the rest of the Party, there was a reason Lucas was her boyfriend, after all. Time spent with him was always enjoyable.

Plus, even though Erica antagonised Lucas at every turn, Max actually liked her. She was an unstoppable bundle of self-confidence and sass and able to take down her boyfriend a peg or two which he sometimes needed. Max couldn't be solely responsible for that.

She trailed behind Lucas into the living room where Erica was curled up on the couch and was watching something on TV. "Max and I are going up to my room," he told her, "so call if you need anything. Remember, one hour, and then you turn the TV off, understood?"

Erica rolled her eyes at him. "Yeah, yeah," she answered. "Hi Max!"

"Hi Erica!" Max smiled at her. "How's everything?"

"Well, apart from being stuck here with this dumbass, as if I need a babysitter ..." Erica waved lazily at her brother, "things are good. Go suck face with him, so he leaves me alone."

Lucas groaned. "Eeeerica ..." He pulled her name apart like chewing gum.

"Luuucas," she mimicked him. "What's your problem? Go spend time with your girlfriend, so you don't have to bother me, and I don't bother you."

Lucas threw up his hands. "That's all I want!"

"Well, then you have it!"

Max watched the back-and-forth with a raised eyebrow, amused. She never got tired of watching those two bicker because it never escalated above complaining and mild insults. What a difference to her home life ... But finally, she took Lucas' arm and pulled him away. "Come on, let's go suck face or something!" She grinned up at him and then back at Erica who mimed throwing up but then flashed her a bright grin.

They spent the next half hour or so in his room (not only sucking face, thank you very much) when suddenly a loud crash disrupted the relative quiet of the house. Lucas looked up, frowning. "What's the plague doing now?" he murmured. The next moment, a wail rose up from below, and Max sat up on Lucas' bed. "That--" She didn't even manage to finish the sentence before Lucas was already up and across the room, wrenching the door open. She scrambled to follow him as quickly as she could.

When she reached the Sinclairs' kitchen, she stopped dead in her tracks. Erica sat on the floor, her hands wrapped around her right leg, crying up a storm, and there was blood smeared all over the kitchen tiles, mixed with the cold glitter of broken glass. Lucas was crouched before his sister, his eyes wide, his hands hovering over her leg. "Erica, calm down," he pleaded with her, "tell me what happened, where are you hurt?"

Max quickly crossed the remaining distance and dropped into a crouch next to them, placing a calming hand on the younger girl's arm. "Let us see," she urged her.

Erica hiccupped but finally managed to unwrap her hands from her leg. "It's bleeding so much," she whimpered. "Make it stop, Lucas!"

Lucas gave Max a helpless look but took a deep breath and pulled Erica's hands carefully away from her leg. There was a long, deep slice running up her leg from her ankle, bleeding freely. "Oh shit, Erica, how did you do that?!"

"I didn't do it on purpose, you idiot! I dropped a glass!" A bit of her usual spark lit up in Erica's eyes but was quickly extinguished as she bit her lip, fresh tears welling up. "It really, really hurts," she sobbed, and it reminded Max painfully that for all her precocious lip, Erica was still only ten years old.

She looked from the wound which was really bleeding a lot to her boyfriend. She was good at first aid but this looked as if it needed more than a plaster or even a bandage ... "We should get you to the hospital," she said. "That could need stitches."

Erica blanched and grabbed Lucas' sweater, hiding her face against his chest. "No!" she wailed. "No, I don't want that!"

Lucas rubbed her back and looked uncertainly from her to Max and down at the wound again. "Hey, Erica, Max knows a lot about first aid. When she says you need a hospital, I'm sure she's right," he told her. "And you want it to stop bleeding and hurting, don't you?"

Max squeezed Erica's arm in sympathy. "I'll grab your first aid kit so we can bandage it for the time being," she said to Lucas. "Bathroom, right?"

"Yep, left door above the sink," he replied. "Thanks, Max!"

She smiled at him, then jogged quickly to the bathroom. Luckily, Lucas' parents were the kind who kept their medicine cabinet well-stocked, and she was back quickly with a cotton pad and two rolls of bandages. Lucas readily let her do the bandaging while he held Erica, soothing her with small touches as she still clung to him, quietly crying. When Max had finished, she looked at him and asked: "Uh, how do we get her to the hospital, though? I don't think letting her ride on the back of your bike is the best idea."

Lucas frowned and rubbed a hand over his hair. "Good question. We could go over to Mike and see if his parents or Nancy can take us?" The Wheelers only lived a few doors down the road.

Max nodded, relieved. That was a good solution. "I'll go," she offered. "You stay with her."

He gave her another thankful look and nodded before going back to comforting his sister. Max almost smiled as she got up and left the kitchen. No matter their bickering, they were family, after all. It was only almost a smile, though, because she truly felt for Erica.

It turned out neither Mike nor his parents were home but luckily, Nancy was – with Jonathan, which was lucky since she wouldn't have had a car otherwise. But they only needed to hear Max's short description of what happened to get up and snatch jackets and car keys. Soon enough, she and Lucas were helping Erica into the backseat of Jonathan's old car. She had stopped crying except for the occasional sniffle or hiccup but there were still tear streaks on her cheeks, and she was refusing to let go of Lucas' hand. Lucas met Max's eyes over her head and shrugged helplessly. She shook her head at him – really, she thought it was sweet.

It turned out, while a cut in the leg was not a huge emergency, kids still got pretty quick treatment. It took maybe half an hour until a doctor saw them and confirmed Max's assessment: the wound needed stitches. This prompted another round of tears from Erica but Lucas remained patiently at her side, stroking her back and telling her: "It'll be okay. I'm sure they'll make it quick. And I'm here, I promise, I'll be here the whole time." And he was, as was Max, while the (older and a bit tired but not unfriendly) doctor cleaned the cut to ensure there was no glass in it and closed it with a few stitches.

Later, when they were again sitting in the back of Jonathan's car on the way back and Max was watching Erica leaning her head against Lucas' shoulder, she thought that Erica and Lucas were really lucky to have each other. She hoped that deep down, they knew it, too.